History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 45 - Leopold and Loeb were WILD!!!

Episode Date: December 16, 2018

Yannis Pappas and the Mad Dog step into the Hyena cackle and take on the subject of Leopold and Loeb! Chris calls in from Houston and we announce our very first $500 dollar member of the Matriarch! WILD!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up, cuzzy wuzzies? You're listening to the Bay Ridge we don't know but we love? We call you affectionately the Toot Matriarchy. We have two groups. Make no mistake, we got two cackles of people who listen to the hyenas, one of which we refer to as the Toot Matriarchy. Those are the people who listen for free

to our Bernie Sanders episodes. And then we got the true blue matriarchs over at our Patreon matriarchy, or matrion, if you will, at patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I am Chrissy Pseudotit, Chrissy Wellfarts, Chrissy Sammons, Chrissy Chlamydia, Chrissy Kavanaugh. As you know, that is all a lie. I am Peanuthead Pappas, and we are not joined by Chrissy Kavanaugh, Chrissy Cackles, Chrissy

Pseudotit, because he's in Houston. That's how he pronounces it, Houston. With his trash bag Queens accent, he throws a Y in there. He goes, I'm going to Houston. But we do have off the bench Jerry Seasting. Jerry Seasting off the bench. We do got the microwave. Vinny.

Everyone who's 30 and over might get that one. Vinny Johnson, baby, off the bench, spitting fire. Our own domesticated dog, Hebert James Matters. Oh, what an intro, huh? That was like I was cutting a promo for you, baby. Cut the promo, baby. Hebert, Hebert, Hebert. I want to punch you squarely in the mouth Every time you do it

And of course we're joined as always As you know on the soundboard A lot of people Have put a bounty out on On his head It's the one and only Jihadi with a body Zack Isis

So we're going to try to call Chrissy and only jihadi with a body, Zach Iser! So we're going to try to call Chrissy and see if we can get him on the old Skype, thanks to modern technology. But as it is right now, it's just me and HeyBert. It's going to be 60 minutes of you just saying HeyBert. We're not even going to get to the subject. Bubba, I made a video yesterday where I like to trick you. I told you I wanted you. We went to a hockey game last night.

Yes. First of all. I've seen the goddamn video. I think you're going to play. Yeah. I have a copy of it. I wanted you to sing Rolling Stones, and then you started singing Rolling Stones, and I just started screaming, Hey, Burt, over.

Hey, Burt. Hey, Burt. Hey, Burt. You should tell people what the song is so they know. Stop Me Up by Rolling Stones. Yeah. Stop Me Up. I went to a hockey game.

There's no black people at hockey games. There was a couple. They all... Such it over. They worked there, and that was only because it was Brooklyn. But, I mean, I feel like I could go to a hockey game, like, when they were playing the Coliseum, or I'd go to a hockey game anywhere, and someone could start playing a white power heavy metal song, and nobody would ever hear about it, because it's just white people there.

I mean, the rumors would get out, buddy. I don't think so. The type of people hockey fans are. Oh, you are so. The ones who aren't Canadian. Dude. It's a white sport. Yeah, but it's a good sport.

We had the great seats, and Giannis the whole time would turn to us and be like, I want to go to a museum. It's like, shut up. I just want to. We had the best seats. I was narrating the hockey game. I was going, so here's the guy. Now he's going to push the puck to his friend over here.

So nice. And then they're going to try to put this puck in that net. Oh, wow. It's a timeout. Oh, boy. These boys are going to fight. And it's hard to see. It's hard to see.

I don't think anyone who follows hockey has ever seen a goal when it actually happened in real time, Bob Boz. Jihadi. So this son of a bitch, the first goal is like in 60 seconds. We have a producer that we just called Jihadi, and it's just what it is. It's what it is. So the goal hits. It took us a second. Me and Chrissy knew it was a goal, but it hit the cross.

It hit up top. So it took us a second to make sure it went over the line. He goes, did you go see that? Did you go see that? No one sees a goal. I have a theory. No one sees a goal. I have a theory. No one sees a goal. Did anyone see?

And then they'd score on the other end, which is like far away. Did you see him? Like, yeah, well, it's hard to see the line. So anytime the puck hits the fucking glass in front of us and he'd jump out of a seat and go, hey, did you see the puck there? Did you see it? Did you know there was a goddamn puck hitting glass two inches in front of you? Jihadi doesn't watch hockey.

You don't watch hockey, right? Not a hockey fan. Not at all. It's great live. Are you a sports fan at all? I used to follow basketball. Yeah, and then the rhythm of the music hit you. Yeah, I mean, they called me to work.

That was it. You know what? I've heard Zach's music, and it's really good, which I was hoping it wasn't going to be that good because I don't want Zach to blow up then we'll lose him on the cast. It's going to be hard to find another 23 year old kid

who only half cares about what's going on here. It's going to be difficult. We're going to have to scour. He also has to be from Queens and he's got to be a Muslim kid. I mean how many Muslim kids parents are letting them work with Goyas? What do Muslims call non-Muslims?

Except devils, Jews. Pork eaters. The enemy. Oh, there you go. Enemy, there it is. The object of jihadi. Everyone is just an object of jihadi who's not a Muzzy. So we went to the hockey and we had a good time.

It was the Vegas Knights. My team. Where supposedly Vegas Knights, all of Vegas is going crazy for that team, which is ironic because Vegas is the desert, babies. And it's a fucking hockey team. So everyone in there is from Finland who plays on that fucking team. I always hate that argument. Last year when the team was doing well and people were like,

Vegas, what is Vegas snow? There's no snow. Yeah. Do you realize they play it in an arena indoors and that the finals are in fucking June?

I always love that argument. It's like, you realize in Canada when the Stanley Cup's going on, the times it's played there, it's not snowing either. It's indoors.

Yeah. People are swimming during the day. But it is a winter sport. That's why it's a little weird. It's supposed to be,. It's indoors. Yeah. People are swimming during the day. But it is a winter sport. That's why it's a little weird. Supposed to be, but like whatever. Because it uses a natural element that requires cold weather naturally to achieve. Yeah, you have a good point.

We should probably cancel it. What about in October and November when it's really freezing and the boys of summer are playing the World Series? Which boys of summer? Are you talking about the- Baseball. Baseball or the boys in World War II? Because they fucking were the boys of that summer.

And Jeremy remembers what happened. Italy remembers what happened because those are the real fucking boys. So are you talking about those boys or are you talking about the boys- Baseball. Baseball. Yeah, but everyone's like, oh, everyone makes that hockey point. But like, you play a World Series in the East Coast outdoors, it's freezing. Guys are shivering.

Some games are in November now. Now I'm thinking you may be a Jew because you are exaggerating. Are you out of your mind? It's October, November. It's not freezing. It's 30 degrees at some of these places. Never, never, never. Rarely does it get to summer.

I'm not going to argue with you because you're over your allotted Hey Burke time limit. No one knows this because that episode hasn't come out yet, stupid. Yeah, but we're going to tell them and I'll tell them now because that's on the bonus. I'm your co-host today. That's true. I've got to blow the shot clock. Bubba, Jihadi with the body is the coach,

and he's saying we've got to take you out. We'd rather play with no goalie. That's what they do when the team's down in hockey. They pull the goalie. Oh, now you're next. They can have a little bit. What we're going to do, Jihadi, is we're going to have a Haybert time limit.

So when he starts talking of me and Chris, signal to you, then we've got to start playing some sort of some wrap-up music or the Oscars wrap-up music. That's what we'll do. You're going to ruin playing some sort of some wrap-up music or the Oscars wrap-up music. That's what we'll do. You're going to ruin it. No, we'll do that.

I can't handle this. I met one of the fans last night. He said, hey, Bert, to me. He did say, hey, Bert. Yeah. Everyone's called, they love the hey, Bert.

And also, I'll tell everyone right now, the people who are part of our matriarchy over at Patreon which if you're not, I don't know what you're fucking doing even our Instagram is well over 3,000 and

we're at 350 there should be 800 more of you, it should be one third of the Instagram followers should be over at Patreon.com because now, what do we have? 30 episodes? How many episodes do we have? Who knows?

We're coming up on like 45. So that means there's 45 concomitant attending complimentary bonus episodes that go. So even if you join at the $5 level, which is I think just our cuzzy wuzzy's level, you get 45 bonus episodes. 45 extra bonus episodes that you haven't heard yet. If you're a real fucking toot and you got $10 a month, you get all of those, but you also get our walk and talks, which are wild.

And make no mistake, we just started a new segment called the Kamikaze segment, where me and Chris just start recording and try to get the other one to say something wild. And so we kind of sneak attack a podcast on the other person. And that's for our $25 a month members who get a whole bunch of other stuff, including all the stuff the $5 and $10 tier members get. The Kamikaze episodes are awesome.

There's also some fun clips on the $25 tier level that only they have access to, like Chrissy's Feet. Oh, yeah. We had a podiatrist diagnose Chrissy's Feet, and it was fun. Actually, my fiance's pops, who's a chief podiatrist, but he's a podiatrist nonetheless. And you get your name read on the potty. So you guys know that part. We guess your name. We talk about you. If you're our $25 member, we call you once a month. You're on the podcast. By the way, we've got to call some 25ers.

We're not going to do it today because Chrissy Cackles isn't here. We're going to try to get Chrissy Cackles on the phone, but we will call you. And then, make no mistake, we've got to give a special shout-out right now, and we will do it again when Chrissy comes up. We had our first $500 member. Great. Why, yo? I mean, how fucking wild is that

that somebody joined our matriarchy, Medici pseudo tit level? You are fucking wild, because we'll do an episode eventually on the Medici family. They were basically a rich family that fucking paid Michelangelo to do all that shit. That's why we called it that level. But this dude joined a 500 and his name,

we got to find, I got to find his name. Holy shit. I should have this ready. Cause he's basically our benefactor right now. We are Julia Roberts and he's Richard Gere And Pretty Woman Gets a picture of the glue gun

He's Richard Gere Are you going to give him a picture of your glue gun I was going to about before you said there was a 500 I go hey I'm going to announce the 500 level You get the pictures of the glue gun And then he said there was a 500 I'm like whoopsie Sometimes it's a whoopsie. Bubbas.

Sometimes it's a whoopsie, baby. Yeah. I mean, people really want to see your glue gun is what it is. Glue gun nation. And so I think at some point, the glue gun nation out there, I think at some point. Can you find that, Isis? Can you try to find the comment on the community board or whatever? We got his name there. I mean, I should have had it ready.

But we're gonna talk. I mean, this guy, he's gonna hang out with this kid. We're gonna figure it out. We're gonna hang out with this kid. Appreciate it very much. We got tons of $25 members. We're gonna get to all of you. We're gonna call all of you. We're gonna keep

thinking of segments to add to the Patreon to keep giving you more and more cool ideas and content and fun things. I will say this. The bonus episode from last week. The bonus episode. That's everyone who's on the Patreon gets that. From the $5

all the way to the pseudo tick crazy $500. Yeah! So everyone gets that episode. I got tons of personal messages. We got tons of personal messages on Instagram that people thinking that was the funniest history hyenas of all time. That was the whole Ann Eileen. That was Chris talking about Uncle Russell.

We pretty much should have just called that episode Uncle Russell. Chris has a wild uncle, and it's really funny. And I listened to it back, and I was dying while I was walking my dog. I was absolutely barreled over dying. So go back and listen. What did we talk about last week? I got Alzheimer's. I believe we talked about the cartel.

So the cartel's wild bonus episode. If you're not part of the matriarchy, you got to go hear it. That's for the $5 level. And the walk and talk this week coming up, which you're going to hear when Zach Isis puts it up. Chrissy Cackles actually picks up a toot on the air while we're fucking wilding out recording the podcast. He meets a girl And it's really funny And he picks her up Picks up a girl

So it's funny She's not a toot You know She's a girl But the word toot's fun You always gotta be careful When you call a girl A toot

Toot toot toot You're a toot Straight up You're fucking Your sweatpants are toots Oh I got some nice Gold stripes on my adidas Anyway

One of the One of our matriarchy members commented on your photo that Chris snuck a photo of the back of your head while you were at the cellar and posted it on the- Jesus Christ. Posted it on the- You're going to make me furious? Bubba, it's too late, Bubba. It's already out there, babies. They love you. And somebody called you

Hey Bert the Hunt Because your head is Shipped like a hunt Oh that's a good one Yeah hey Bert the Hunt I think Chris might be available Okay He says phone was charging

So let me just see Yeah Chris is texting me Like crazy right now So We got some comments to get to So we'll do that And then we'll call Chrissy He's available right now. So we got some comments to get to. So we'll do that, and then we'll call Chrissy. He's available right now?

It looks like it. So let's call him now because I don't know what time he's going on, and then we'll do. Well, while we're calling, we got one of our biggest fans, Chris the Teacher. He says, Trash Monkey got to spend some time with Trash Monkey last night And Chris D Oh he was in the studio for some reason I mean I think he's just like I think Chris the teacher is on the Patreon of like a lot of

What was he doing here? Who the hell knows I think he was probably sniffing our seats That's who I met last night He was probably sniffing our seats He wrote me a nice message Yeah He was probably sniffing our fucking seats

Anyway He was touching Trash Monkey the Hyena. Which, by the way, can we get Trash Monkey the Hyena in frame? Yeah. Bring him in. Yeah. So, Alessandra Mautoni. Mautoni?

M-A-U-T-O-N-E. Mautoni. She goes, you guys are funny. People on the train must think I'm a little Franks and Beans when I bust out laughing listening to your podcast. You both are a couple of good kids and cute kids, and I love it. Oh, and when you gave me a shout-out, you were half right. I'm Italian, but I'm also half Puerto Rican. Wepa.

Das se. So half of you is very Puerto Rican. Wepa! That's it. So half of you is very Puerto Rican. That's nice to know, Alessandra. That's what you call a New York mix right there. When you got Puerto Rican and Italian, that happened in Queens. I got that in Vegas though, baby. Yeah, and she's been on the train, so we know she's from New York. She's in a train or some urban area.

Thank you for your service, Alessandra. Muatoni. Muatoni. Is that Italian? Muatoni.andra Muatoni. Muatoni, is that Italian? Muatoni or Muatone. Muatone. I think that's more Puerto Rican. We're calling Chrissy Wellfarts right now. Nicole Rosati again, one of our big fans.

Make no mistake, I'm not Jewish. I'm not Jewish, and I did pay my monthly membership. I just forgot to select the tier and click update. Well, hello, cutie. Hey, toot, toot, toot. What's up, tootie? What's up, cutie? What's up, tootie?

What is it, tootie? Patootie. Cutie salootie. What's up? Give me a tootie salootie, you tootie patootie. I'm taking a fucking poopie kapoopie. Yeah, I can hear the echo in there, cuz. Yeah, I mean.

I'm coming out. It's what it is. Hold on, wait. Let me just fucking clean my ass. Hold on. Yeah! Sergio Chacon. Yo, hey, Burt.

Hey, Burt Madden. How wild is Chrissy, in your opinion? This is the craziest son of a bitch I've ever met. I love him. Yo, Sergio Chacon's in the room right now with no socks. We don't have socks. We're on the podcast. It's the hyenas.

Yo! Yo, you got it. You got it. You harboring Puerto Ricans in Houston. While he's pooping. You're harboring a Puerto Rican. You're yarbering a Puerto Rican in Houston because you pronounce. I know.

Fucking highly illegal. Say Houston again. Let me tell you guys something. Yo, Haybert was fucking smashed last night. I was in good shape. What happened? Oh, you were banged up. What was I doing?

Well, first of all, you got out of the cab by my house and walked 30 blocks in the freezing cold. I'm a man. I'm alpha. Yeah. What do you- You had the headphones on top of your head, but not on your ears. Yeah, because when he- You were just talking about life.

You were just talking about life with a tear on your eye. That's just what it is. Yeah. I didn't have a tear in my eye, did I? Well, why did you walk home at 2 in the morning by yourself? That's a 20-minute walk in the freezing cold. That's a man. When you could have easily just taken the cab.

No, baby. One more stop. No, man. Yo. I'm just a poor kid, baby. We don't take cabs. I think what the dog is doing, he told me today he burned 1,500 calories walking. Probably 1,800.

Wow. 1,800 calories walking. So I think what we got here is a case of body dysmorphia or are you throwing up your food? No. Did you go in the bathroom and throw up your food? No, I pooped my brains out because I wanted to impress Chris. I am going out of town next week for the holidays. I'm going to eat and drink like I'm going to the chair.

So I like to cut a little weight for drink like I'm going to the chair. So I like to cut a little weight for that so I don't give a fuck. Even using the words cutting weight is a little concerning. Cutting weight? Do you worry about boxers and UFC fighters? No, you're on the right podcast if you cut weight and put it back on. Because Jihadi with a body does that every single week depending on his steroid cycles. Chris, you're out of shape and it's what it is.

I'm trying to get in better shape though. And Sergio Chacon is going to start boxing with me. It's not going to happen because make no mistake with the funny thing about you. Let me just tell a quick little story about Chrissy. When he goes hardcore on a diet, he's got a manic personality. So he gets really excited to tell you all about the new diet. Hey, this is what I'm doing this week. I'm only eating between 12 and two. He's got a manic personality. So he gets really excited to tell you all about the new diet.

Hey, this is what I'm doing this week. I'm only eating between 12 and 2, and then the other times I'm taking salsa classes, and then I'm going to learn to row. I'm going to join a crew team. And then what will happen is he'll get really hungry because he'll have egg whites and salmons. Chrissy always orders salmon. He loves salmon. It doesn't matter if it's breakfast, lunch. He'll go, I'll just have a piece of salmon.

That's why he's Chrissy Salmon. I could have some salmon. He loves salmon. It doesn't matter if it's breakfast, lunch. He'll go, I'll just have a piece of salmon. That's why he's Chris' salmon. I could have some salmon. I know you did. And then what happens is we're walking, and then Chris, he goes, I need a bagel with butter right now. And I go, why? He goes, I know my body, and I just need some bread. And then you go in, you get a bagel with butter, and what do you also get? An apple crumb muffin.

A little muffin. Yeah, cuz. I think Houston's the perfect fucking city for me to just come right out of the closet. Did you hear how he said Houston? He called it Houston. He can't, the trash monkey in him gets in the way of the letter H. Houston. Yeah.

Cuz, so you can't eat vegetables? What do you do to your vegetables to get them down? The only way, truthfully, I could get vegetables down is if I use a sugar-free maple syrup. I pour a little on there, then I could get them down. Jihadi, this is a true thing. He pours syrup on his vegetables in order to be able to eat them. He has to trick him. He has to essentially treat himself like a 7-year-old kid who doesn't want to eat his vegetables,

and he pours syrup. By the way, that's a pretty handy trick for people with infant kids, right? Yeah, because it's just a little syrup. Like my mom used to throw some pancake syrup on my salads for me when I was a kid. I used to bang those out. Oh, my God. Am I just a white trash piece of shit?

I mean, you're definitely a kid who grew up in Ridgewood who had some wild uncles. On one side, we had Uncle Russell, and then the other side, yeah! Uncle Victor, who just used to tie up people. One of my uncles used to fucking tie up people in the garage and torture them. And one of my other uncles used to tie up guys in the garage and fuck them.

Wild. And it's just what it is. Oh, God. Oh, God. Yeah. Listen, for $500,000 a month on Patreon, we're going to do a fucking exclusive sit-down unmasked with Ron Bennington with Ann Eileen.

It's going to happen. $500 a month, cuz. Yeah, that's a good idea. Do you know the name of our Medici pseudo-tit, wild-toot level who joined at $500 a month? Who is that? You remember? I can't find his name. Oh, I think it's the last name, Sedita, I think.

Or Sedito. He's an Italian kid. Yeah, he messaged us where? On the Patreon board or on Instagram? You remember it was on the Patreon board, right? I forgot where it was, but yeah, I think it's Sedito. By the way, you got to read the names out. We got to read the names out.

I don't have access to it. Oh, yeah, but I think I got it's Sedito. By the way, you've got to read the names out. We've got to read the names out. I don't have access to it. Oh, yeah, but I think I got it. We could read them all out. We'll just say we can't read them out. We can't read them out. Yeah, I mean, if we don't read them out this week, our fans know that we're good for it. They know we're good for it.

Yeah, I mean, we're on the podcast right now. But I just keep forgetting because I'm on the phone with you. We're on the podcast. Yes, yeah. You know what I decided to name our fans who listen to this episode? I think we should...

There are... There are... There are... There are toot matriarchy, right? What did I call them? Yeah. Is that what I called them? The ones who don't pay? The ones that don't pay. Toots. The toot matriarchy, right? What did I call them? Yeah. Is that what I called them? The ones who don't pay?

The ones that don't pay. Toots. The toot matriarchy, right? And then the other ones... You're a toot if you don't pay or you're a toot if you just listen to the podcast but don't join the Patreon. Either way makes you a toot. Either way, you're a toot no matter what. But if you join the matriarchy, you're a non-toot.

So you're still a toot, but you're a non-toot, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's what it is. Because I think the $500 a month for exclusive interview with Ann Eileen is fucking just... I have had a case of the Jew brain for about the past few days. I'm telling you. I said to you before, if you took a fucking cap skin on my head right now, you would see a knish.

There's a fucking knish just pumping ideas right out of my fucking brain. I'm ready to make some money Are you not manning The Wei Zhong Jing button at all? I was actually finding the Well let me give him one Just to make up for that Yeah there you go

Just clear it I found the name Of the $500 member It is John the Sicilian Sedito Wow Did you find What did he say? We messaged him right?

He said he loves us Where is it? Where is that on the I just found it on the Patreon manager. Did he write it on the community board? No, but... Oh, you just found it on his name. We actually corresponded with him, but anyway, say that name again.

It's John the Sicilian Sedito. John the Sicilian Sedito. You are our benefactor. Before we called Chris I called you you are Richard Gere and we're your toot

we're Julia Roberts we're basically fucking his toot cause we're Julia Roberts yeah I can't fucking wait we gotta call him up we do gotta call him up we're also gonna hang out with him we're gonna invite him in

we're gonna make a whatever he wants to do we're gonna do for him we're certainly gonna start to make whatever he wants to do. We're going to do for him. We're certainly going to start with a call on the phone when you get back from Houston, you trash. Trash. I'll fucking let, for $500 a month, I'll fucking let that guy strap on a dildo and fuck me in the ass.

Oh my God. Wild. I don't think that's on his wish list. I don't think he put that into Santa. But you know what? It's good to have the option, though. It's good to have the option. I mean, with a name like that, I don't think he's interested in fucking you in the ass, cuz.

Yeah. I mean, that kid. I mean, I'm here in Houston, and I got shows tonight. And I just got a text from the guy who's a great guy. You know, there's a radio interview tomorrow morning at 7 a.m. It's like, when are people – it doesn't matter if I go on the radio. Like, it doesn't fucking matter. Why do I have to wake up at 6.30 in the morning and fucking do this shit

when nobody's going to listen to it and buy tickets? It's a waste of fucking time. Yeah. I hate it too, man. I hate every time I do it, it doesn't do tickets. It's a waste of fucking time. Yeah. I hate it too, man. I hate every time I do it, it doesn't do anything. It's a waste of time. Yeah. Why don't you do, like in Good Will Hunting,

why don't you send Sergio as your fixer? Remember that scene where he sends Ben Affleck and just have Sergio go in and say, retainer, and try to get some money off them. James Madden is my fixer. Baby, I was fixing shit last night even though I was trashed. What did you fix? Things we can't talk about, baby.

I wouldn't be a good fixer. I'd be Michael Cohen. Yeah, we went to the hockey game last night. I told the people already. We had a good time. Three kids. Three cute kids. We had a good time.

Yeah. Yeah, and you were watching the game. You couldn't have better season. Instead of watching the game, you couldn't have better season. Instead of watching the game, you were just Googling fucking surveys on the difference between gun violence in America and Mexico because you are a fucking C-U-C-K Captain Cox. Yeah, Chris, he looked over my shoulder and he caught me Googling the gun violence. You were playing chess on an app. It says, fucking make no mistake, the only thing that would make you happy in life

is if you could just sit down one day and you could start smoking a cigar, playing chess, watching a nature doc, looking at a tree, and then I would slowly remove that cigar and then put a tranny dick in and it would be glorious. That's just what you want.

And the sooner you admit that to yourself, that really all you want is to be trans or be in a loving relationship with a trans man, the sooner you'll get to fucking Valhalla. Wild. Listen, I'm just a French kid who decided to leave home and start a farm in Belgium. Let me ask you a question. Do you have fucking socks on right now or no?

I do have socks on. Yeah. Yeah, cuz. Make no mistake. You didn't wash your ass there for a couple of days. You're going through depression. Cuz. You wore a hat over your hoodie because you're depressed.

Hey, Bert has his headphones over his hoodie right now. And it makes his head look even shaped more like a cone when you got the helmet. My head does not look like a cone. A little bit, Bobo. I told someone as I went to meet up with you that you guys call me Hey, Bert. My boy T goes, I don't see it at all. Because I want to stand you on your head and pour vanilla ice cream into your neck. Oh, yes.

Son of a bitch. Burn alert. Burn alert. Can we get a hey, burn button? I have to make one. Jihadi's working on it. We told it to him three weeks ago, but why didn't he do it, Chrissy? Because he's a 23-year-old kid.

Yeah. Yeah, I've had a week though And You've had Yeah You've had to listen To a few fucking speeches Yeah There's just been A couple of pictures

Where you're smoking a cigar With a birthday Fucking birthday cone Hat on your head And it's I'm gonna be in For a long fucking day Yeah

And you'll text me At 7am Just about the future Of comedy And about how Nothing matters And nothing ever Really exists And I just have to Deal with it And then you'll get A text every few minutes 7 a.m., just about the future of comedy and about how nothing matters and nothing ever really exists.

And I just have to deal with it. And then you'll get a text every few minutes that somebody in your family died again. Yeah, my dad's died and come back to life a few times. So my dad was in the hospital. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, my dad's in the hospital this week. That's why we couldn't record

monday so you're almost getting this podcast live that's how soon to when it will be released as it's been we're gonna be a little late but you know it's because it's because i've had some family i had i had a week this week yeah and let's be uh let's be honest with ourselves it would be a little bit easier for you but God and the simulators look down upon you and just like to have a lot of fun because you've got one brother who's full of franks and beans and the other brother who would be at your dad's side, but he's got to go find Anderson Cooper and suck his dick. Could we just get away, Zhang Jing, please? Just for my emotions and for my well-being.

Thank you. And also because your brother's going to sue me. Yeah. Make no mistake. My brother is not interested in my career, so he will never listen to this. I think he still thinks I'm an actor. Yeah, because it would be 10 out of 10. If there is a moment in our future that holds that we can fucking enjoy together

where one day me and you will attend your brother and Uncle Russell's wedding. And one of my uncle's caps will be the ring bearer. Can we talk about your other uncle in like, can we make that a $25? Which one, Uncle Victor? Yeah, or can we not talk a $25? Which one? Uncle Victor?

Yeah, or can we not talk about Uncle Victor? Well, he's passed away now, so yeah. Yeah, well, I'll wait until you're here. Because Uncle Victor is equally as wild for different reasons. Yeah, it's a different reason. He's to get hammered and beat up and I leave. Wild! Wild!

You gotta wait until I see him, please. Wait. You got to weigh Shang-Ching, please. Weigh Shang-Ching. I mean, please, Zach. The wild is good, but you got to come right on the heels with a weigh Shang-Ching. Weigh Shang-Ching. You have to assume Chrissy might be telling the truth. It's what it is. He just don't know.

So just in case we need, we may have to bring a Catholic priest to be the third Mike on this podcast just to fucking continue to forgive us. Yeah, because it would be fucking, you know, it would be great to get my abuser Father Bill on the podcast. That would be great. Yeah, there you go. Or we could get Tommy McDermott. I love how we think. I was a kid that was assaulted by a priest and then skull-fucked by a friend. That's just the truth.

These are things that just happened. And it's just what it is. Yeah, and James' mom was a professional prostitute every week. Yeah, and his grandma was a fucking Nazi, and it's just what it is. Yeah, it's just what it is, and we just want to remind the people every week. There we go. Zach just got the Hey Bert button going. We just want to remind the people who may be tuning in for the first time that our off-the-bench Bay Ridge boy,

I called him before, Vinny the Microwave from the Detroit Pistons. Or Jerry Seasting. Hey, Bert. First of all, you said for those of you who are over 30, no one under 30 even gets that. But your mom was a toot. I'm so done with you. Dude, you know, I have other prostitutes in the family, too. It's in the family.

Yeah, your aunt, too, was a prostitute. I got a few. And also your grandmother probably had a Nazi patch somewhere in a box under a floorboard. She had... You know how every girl keeps a memory box of old relationship cards and memorabilia?

Your grandma. Yeah. She had some newspaper clippings when they said 23,000 Jews marched to their death. My grandma hated the Nazis. I once slipped because there was Nazis in Marvel Comics for some reason. I was a kid. Yeah, that just means you've just gone over your Hey Bert time limit.

Everyone here can go fuck themselves. Fuck you. Jihadi, I thought we were cool. Jihadi's working quick today. Yeah. What am I supposed to do? You're asking me things. Yeah, he got the hey Bert button

and he just hit Bert with a he's gone over his hey Bert allotted time. So he was speaking for too long. What happens is... Hey Bert? Yeah. He goes too long. And then the fucking Oscar music starts playing because make no mistake.

Hey, Bert, you're on a timer. Now back to Chrissy. Because Uncle Victor, he used to torture people. It's what it is. It's just what it is. We'll talk about it. We'll talk about it more Cause I gotta get in the shower

And wash my ass Cause I have a show In 30 minutes I know that you take a shit With the door open Are you gonna Are you gonna shower With the door open

Are you sharing a room With Sergio Yeah Sergio's in the room And he just fucking Shaved his fucking head And his fucking Puerto Rican beard And then he took a shower

And now I have to wait for him And I told I told Sergio That you think you got A speeding ticket because he was talking too loud. Did you? Did he bring any of the snakes with him? No, he didn't bring any of the snakes. He left them all in his fucking house.

Cuz, is it safe for him to leave those snakes with his daughter? He said he thinks it'll be okay. He has apex predator snakes in there and his daughter's a child, no cuss? And he's got a cat. Yeah, he's a sick fuck. Sergio's a sick fuck. He is. We're gonna have to have

him on the cast soon. Yeah, let's get him on the cast. Yo, let me go, guys. I gotta fucking go. Alright, peace out. Peace out. So, there you go. Chrissy's got to fucking go. All right. Peace out. Peace out. Peace. So there you go. Chrissy's getting in the shower.

We could all picture that, his pasty, translucent body. He's probably getting naked in front of Sergio. And he's just a wild kid. And that's what it is. So he's in Houston. So if you're in Houston, you will hear this this weekend. Hopefully, Jabadi, I don't know when you're going to get this up. Jahadi, when are you going to get this up? It'll be up

later tonight. So you will, if you're in Houston or you know someone in Houston, go see Chrissy, Chrissy DiStefano with our good friend Serge Chacon. He's out at the Houston Improv. Why are you looking at me like that? You got the mic backwards?

Oh, so you're trying to punish me back? I need you, so you gotta remove it back. Uh, Hebert. Hebert. I'm going to learn Krav Maga and fight you next time. You can't out-fight Jihad Mubaddi.

Exactly. There's a lot more where he came from. If you put him down, another terrorist cell will rise and take his place. That's the problem. You can't put him down. Also, you never know when he's going to have roid rage because that's just something that could happen. Anyway, this week we are going to be talking about a little history for you. We're not just going to go wild because Chrissy's not here.

And we're not going to do another one of those solo ballads where it was just me occasionally talking to Jihadi. We've only done two weeks, I think, where we were separate, right? Yeah. No, we did three.

Do we do three? Well, there was three, but Chris bought, I can't remember his name, I think KP? He had, no, he had Soul Joel Richardson in here.

Oh, yeah, so there was four, I think. Yeah, there might have been two or three or four, yeah, that we did separately. He brought Soul Joel in in here. Oh, yeah. So there was four, I think. Yeah, there might have been two or three or four, yeah, that we did separately. He brought Soul Joel in. It was funny because we didn't remember. Joel drove all the way here, and then he texted us like, hey, guys, I'm here. And we were like, for what?

Wild! Anyway, Heybert. We love Heybert. He's James, The Mad Dog Matter And I don't really go About Mad Dog anymore Yeah

So you're bringing that You're really ruining This career that I've worked Very hard on But you're I mean He calls himself Chrissy Cavanaugh at times

And you're worried About Mad Dog I'm more worried About goddamn Heybert Chris has called himself Chrissy Cavanaugh And he's in The entertainment business

So he needs a fixer, Bubba. Yeah, he needs a fixer, and he needs to walk around with a guy named Wei Zhongxian. That's what Chris needs. He needs to walk around with an Asian kid who just, anytime he opens his mouth, after he's done, the kid just goes, my name is- Wei Zhongxian. Exactly. That's what he needs.

Anyway, two wild kids. Initially, I wanted to do this with Chrissy. So we both researched it together, but then it didn't work out. But then Hey Bert came and filled in like he always will, and he'll always be here. He's our – Hey Bert, you're becoming our third Mike. Oh, yeah, great. What a great career move for me.

So Hey Bert did the research, and we talked about it. It's one of the most fascinating. The first thrill kill in American history by two gentlemen named Leopold and Loeb, two Jewish kids, 19 years old, in the suburb of, what is it, Kenway? Yeah, it's a suburb of Chicago. Suburb of Chicago. What was it called? Kenneth or Kenway? Something, it's a suburb of Chicago. Suburb of Chicago. What was it called? Kenneth or Kenway?

Something like that. Kenwood. Kenwood. Kenwood. Very affluent area of Chicago. Very affluent. And both their parents, they came from affluent families. Very affluent families.

Yeah, and one dude was worth $4 million, his family. One dude was worth $10 million. So think about that. Which back then is like a billion. Is utter insanity. That's like just throw money in the air and burn it if you want because it doesn't matter. It'll never go away. Both of them went to the University of Chicago.

Both of them were very smart. Both of them got good grades. One of them graduated high school at 14 and then went to college. Yeah. And crushed it. Smart. Crushed it. Smart kids.

Smart kids. Smart kids. Who happened to grow up close to each other and knew of each other, kind of, but didn't really become friends until they started going to the University of Chicago. Very prestigious school. They kind of met there. They started bonding there.

And then formed a very strange relationship. I would say peculiar. Very peculiar. Peculiar. And you know what's odd about this is, I don't want to, you know, we're a comedy history podcast, but, you know, my fiance had a good friend who was murdered two years ago. His big story in New York where he went back to this kid's apartment and him and this other kid killed my ex-fiance's friend. His name was Joey Communale. And so, you know, there's been a TV special on it

and it reminded me of this only because this was totally different circumstances but these kids killed the kid, then they put the body in the trunk. They threw it out the window, put it in the trunk, long story short. This just happened, too. You can Google it.

One kid just got life in prison, 25 to life. The other kid's trial's about to start. But then when they were going to hide the body, I think they ate pancakes, so they got burgers. They went and got burgers. Because Leopold and Loeb, they did the same thing. And so I'll get back to that. But we'll continue with the background of these two kids.

So these privileged kids. And then this weird friendship starts. Very strange friendship where it's almost sexual, if I remember correctly. Did they have sex? It ended up being sexual. They fucked, right? So Loeb was the better looking kid and the smarter of the two, even though they're both intelligent kids. I thought he was the smarter two.

I thought he was more the, but he was the criminal one. He had the charisma. He walks in a room, his clothes would pop off and shine, and people were attracted to him, and he just made it and going. Their dynamic is interesting because the other dude kind of had a unibrow almost. He looked brow-beaten, kind of a mess. He looked like Anthony Davis if Anthony Davis was a Jew. He had a unibrow.

Yeah, and kind of lurchy. Kind of like a lurch. Not a bad-looking kid, though. A little sloppy. Not that. I mean, when you go Google it, not that bad. Those brows are a little much, maybe. He had a unibrow, but it kind of—you're making him sound worse.

I mean, he's a normal-looking kid. I wouldn't say normal. He's a normal-looking kid. Google the picture. I mean, you're going to look— Jihadi will Google it. Yeah,, he's a normal-looking kid. I wouldn't say normal. He's a normal-looking kid. Google the picture. I mean, you're going to look at it. Jihadi will Google it. Yeah, so he's talking about Leopold. First of all, their names, Leopold and Loeb.

It's almost like they were—the simulators put them together to become the— Now, this was like the O.J. Simpson trial of that era. We're talking about the 20s, correct, Bert? Yes, the roaring 20s. The roaring 20s. This is the 20s. So this is... People are wiling out.

This is the O.J. Simpson trial of that day. The whole country was talking about this trial because what they ended up doing is killing a 14-year-old boy for no real reason. Who was a cousin of one of the guys. No. He wasn't a cousin of one of the guys. They knew him. My intel said cousin, baby. Well, double wasn't a cousin of one of the guys. They knew him. My intel said cousin, baby.

Well, double check that with Jihadi because I don't think so. See, so yeah, there's Leopold. I mean, he's not that handsome. I wouldn't say he's like, he's not grotesque the way you were describing. There's other pictures too. He's no bueno, baby. Come on, Bubba. I mean, he's not that.

He's got a unibrow, but he's not horrific. Can you pull up another photo of Leopold? Leopold and Loeb. Wild. That's not him. Scroll down. Scroll down. Scroll down.

That's Loeb on the other. There you go. Pull up the two of them right there together. The closer one. Scroll down. Scroll down. Scroll down. Right there. On the second on the other. There you go. Pull up the two of them right there together. The closer one. Scroll down, scroll down. Scroll down. Right there on the second to the left. Yeah, those two kids.

Can you click on it? Make it bigger? Is that as big as it gets? Yeah, so you can Google it. Oh, it's a story. But yeah, that's good enough. Freaking wild. So this, they killed this kid in 1924.

The kid's name was Bobby Franks. He was a 14-year-old kid that lived across the street, I believe, from Leopold. They wasn't cousins. He was his second cousin and an across-the-street neighbor and played tennis at the Love Residence. Holy shit. I researched this two hours ago, baby, and I'm coming in bringing heat, you son of a bitch. Hey, Burt, that. You got a memory on you like a hawk.

Oh, hey, Burt. Hey, Burt, that. Hey, sure. I got a hey, Burt, for you. Open up, baby. I'll give you a glue gun right in there, baby. Who is the quarterback? Pop, pop, pop.

Who was the quarterback for the San Diego Chargers two years ago? Johnny Glue Gun. Who is that? Phil Rivers, you son of a bitch. He's still playing. Who was the quarterback for the Oakland Raiders in 87?

87 was shit. They didn't trade for Jay Schrader yet. I forget who it was. Might have still been Plunkett. Might have been old man Plunkett. Wow. I think it was Plunkett. I don't know. I'm just guessing. I'm just freaking guessing. So these two kids developed this friendship. It became... They were in LA at that point, too. They were in LA Raiders. Wow. I'm just freaking guessing. So these two kids developed this friendship.

It became second. They were in L.A. at that point, too. Oh, they were in L.A. Raiders. Wow. I mean, I was just saying that to, you know, I brought that up to just prove how much of a memory James has. He has an unbelievable memory. What's better, my memory? Or your glue gun? Or the Gigi, baby.

What's the G? Glue gun, yeah. Glue gun nation, baby. How many inches you got down there? At least seven and three quarters. You've never really measured it, though? Or the GG, baby. What's the GG? Glue gun, yeah. Glue gun nation, baby. How many inches you got down there? At least seven and three quarters. You've never really measured it, though? No, like I did. I did seven and a half once, but I think I can get a little more.

But you also got thickness on it, too, right? I don't have as much. You got a barrel on that piece. I had a buddy. My buddy and I had a dick off with this girl, and he won in thickness, and I won in length. Yeah. We both did well in the other. Well, like we said, if we get to $500, you're gonna

put your piece on the Patreon. I don't know. We'll discuss it. So we see his glue gun. We got a lot. 500. We're already at 500. No, 5G. Close. 5G. No, I'm talking about 500. We're at 350 I think. Oh, Patreon. I thought you were talking about money. No, no, no. I'm talking about Patreons. We gotta get to, to Yeah we gotta get to

500 Patreons So these Then you can join Glue Gun Nation Glue Gun Nation baby Hashtag Glue Gun Nation Hashtag history hyenas 150 to go

We're at 350 150 to go And we will see James Haybert's Glue Gun I never agreed to this So these two kids Started fucking no?

Yeah They started fucking And how long How long did this weird friendship last? How long was this? Because it was an intense friendship where they only hang out with each other. They were two smart kids. Leopold had been obsessed with Nietzsche. Friedrich Nietzsche, the philosopher, he was a German philosopher.

If you're a smart kid, you've heard of him. If you're Frank Simbini, you have no idea what we're talking about. But Fregitinici was really the precursor to German fascism, to Nazism. And he's responsible for a lot of destruction. His philosophy and his writings happened at the late 1800s, 1880s, 1890s, early 1900s. And it was around the time industrialization was really kicking in. And science was making huge advancements. We were manipulating genomes. So that was the climate was starting around this time,

where people started to feel godly-like. We can manipulate genes. We can build buildings, things like this, skyscrapers. And so his philosophy is all about the ubermensch, which is the Superman, true translated. So certain people are born superior to other people. So both these kids felt that they were ubermenches, and they were obsessed with Nietzsche. Probably like a lot of people. Like in your parents' generation, Camus was probably huge, right? And then Bukowski Was big for our generation

Well Bukowski's not a fucking Philosopher No I'm just saying writings Oh right Writings Writings, philosophy Bukowski's a little philosophical He's very philosophical

We've got some Camus was a writer But he was also philosophical You know You could say they were philosophers I have a Nietzsche quote Tattoo Amor fati Is something he used to say It's Latin For the love of fate Is that him a Nietzsche quote tattoo. Amor fati is something he used to say.

It's Latin for the love of fate. Is that him? Amor fati is him? Yeah. Baba. Is that wild? Well, it's not that wild, considering your grandmother was a Nazi youth. So now

it kind of makes sense. Because there was probably one day when you were very young and you were sitting eating your Cheerios and your grandmother said, James, can you come into this room, please? Thank you. Now, James, you know that me and your grandfather, we come from another country. That was a time where the person who we think might be your father would not be allowed to be having sex with your mother. This was something we tried to solve in what we called the final solution. When I was a little baby girl, my idol was Adolf Hitler.

He was my infiel. And I remember fondly, one day he came to speak to my camp, because he was visiting, and he read us children's stories. And he actually kissed me on the cheek, James. So, the one thing he

said before he left the classroom to go kill more Jews was, I'm more fat-y from his favorite philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche. said before he left the classroom to go kill more Jews was Amor Fati from his favorite philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. Just in case you're listening. Do you remember that story? My grandma was forced to be in the Hitler Youth because everyone had to. Was not a

Nazi. But that was a wonderful rant. That's a Heber. That's so good. Hey, was that Under the Time, Jihadi? Yeah, you just made it. You just made it. Listen, that that under the time, Jihadi? Yeah, you just made it. Were you about to play some fucking Sound of Music shit? Just made it, just made it. You just made it. Listen, that is a myth.

I have a shot clock. That people were forced. The whole country believed in that kid. No, they didn't. He barely won. There's nothing you can do about that. He barely took over the Reichstag. Have you not thought of that episode?

Your grandmother wore a Nazi uniform. It is what it is. Yeah, and then she made you pancakes When she got older You were raised by a Nazi and your mom was a toot And it is what it is It is what it is Because it's what it is It's what it is

I am so bringing in a Turkish girl to your wedding I can't wait Because if you bring a Turkish girl to my wedding I will get the Turkish tingles immediately I'm bringing her. It's going to be delightful. I will be able to tell what her ethnicity is because I will get the TTs, the Turk tingles. So these two kids, man, they were obsessed with Nietzsche.

They both believed they were ubermenches, ubermen, supermen, whatever. But there's a different dynamic, though. Yeah. One was a master and one was a slave. That's right. That's a different dynamic, though. Yeah. One was a master and one was a slave. That's right. That's the weird thing about it. Yeah. Was that Leopold looked up to Loeb because of how good looking he was, taller, smart.

He looked at him as like the Superman. And he fantasized always about serving a man like that. Very strange. So he's the one who's probably the bottom in that gay relationship, right? No doubt. Yeah. So they were lovers, right? Yeah.

Were they committed lovers? Were they just banging? I believe they were. But back then, it was kind of like you couldn't just be a gay kid. Back then. Three weeks ago still. I mean, it's tough. Now you couldn't just be a gay kid. Back then. Three weeks ago still. I mean, it's tough. Now it's a lot easier. It's a lot easier. But like, so think about It's not even comparable. The roaring 20s though.

There's no chance. Yeah. It's probably easier in the 20s than, you know, the 50s, the 1800s where sort of that religious fervor fanaticism and the wave came to flush that away, sort of a conservative religious wave came and pushed that back.

You could be right. Yeah. Because part of this trial is the argument, like the trial of this murder, is were parents letting their kids have too much freedom? That was that. Was there too much privilege? Right. And were people progressing too much? Was there too much freedom. That was that. Was there too much privilege? Right. And were people progressing too much?

Was there too much America? Did they know too much? Were they exploring themselves too much? Well, the party- Roaring Twenties are wild. Roaring Twenties are wild. Babe Ruth, baby, was just plowing through everyone.

Yeah. Hitting home runs, eating hot dogs, and banging girls in dumpsters. And getting syphilis and all that. America. And then everything crashed in the 30s and it went back

the other way and then 40s World War II and then the 50s conservative again then the 60s it's swinging back it's always swinging

back and forth between left and right the pendulum will never stop ultra conservative or ultra liberal which is healthy it's healthy to to balance

it's balance because you know I think people just inevitably when things swing left they go too far things swing left, they go too far. When things swing right, they go too far because people are fucking Franks and Beans generally. And that's what it is. It generally comes down to the fact that most people are fucking stupid.

And that's what it is. So these two kids decided that they wanted to plan the perfect murder, which is to prove how superior they were. They thought they would. They just wanted to kill someone to see how it feels for the thrill. Which is the most privileged thing ever. This is the first thrill killing in American history, really. I mean, I'm sure it's happened, but I mean, I guess maybe because they were so rich and prominent, their families, this became national news. But, I mean, probably people didn't really, you know, crime changes.

As you see, like, the FBI had to add a division for serial killers and stuff because that became a thing, whereas before it wasn't a thing. And thrill killing, like, all these school shootings and things you see now where people are just killing for the fuck of it, it really has, this is the, this is the Babe Ruth of it right here. Leopold and Loeb, the first thrill killers, they killed this kid. Now they targeted some other kids. They planned it meticulously. They were going to kill the kid or kill whomever and then, and then try to get ransom money. And they thought they'd never get caught because they were so fucking brilliant and so prominent and protected because of how privileged they are. And all it proved was just like rich people are disconnected from reality. They are disconnected because the way these kids went about the murder was 100% Franks and and 100% Beans. Because this kid dropped his glasses.

Make no mistake, he was one of three people that had these special glasses made. One of three. And he dropped the glasses at the crime scene. So what happens is they target all these kids. Doesn't work out. They finally just had a chance. Bobby Franks, he was umpiring a game Or something It was a little league game

Baseball game And he was walking home Only a couple blocks To his house Leopold and Loeb Drive up next to him He knows them From the neighborhood

He's played tennis At Leopold's house Who is his second cousin As you said I was about to rub it Right in your face I was about to be like What else is he

Related Somehow related Yeah I mean he's his second cousin So if it was Chrissy rub it right in your face. I was going to be like, what else is he? Related. Is he somehow related? Yeah. I mean, he's his second cousin, so if it was Chrissy. He did research. If it was Chrissy, if that was Chrissy's cousin, who knows what could have been happening. So they offer him a lift. He's like, no, I'm right there.

And they entice him in the car because they have this tennis racket they want to show him. Of course, the kid's 14. He's not going to get in the car. He's not going to suspect anything. They get him in the car. Immediately, what did they hit him with? A sickle? A chisel.

A chisel. They decided that the chisel was going to be the murder weapon. They're trying to commit the perfect murder. How fucking stupid are you? The first thing you do when he gets in the car is they crack the kid's head open so he can bleed all over the place in the car which is a rental that they're gonna have to fucking return you know back then they didn't have dna or anything like that but i mean it's pretty franks and beans pretty franks and beans and then they put a towel in his mouth a rag and they choke him out right i thought yeah whatever it was he died pretty quickly and then they choke him out, right? I thought, yeah, whatever it was, he died pretty quickly.

And then they put him on the floorboard and drove around, and that's why he reminded me of the unfortunate thing that happened to my fiance's good friend, which is crazy. The two of them drove to Indiana, across state lines, and got some burgers, right? Yeah, but they dipped his body in a tunnel by a lake. And then they took acid and poured it all over his face and his genitals. And his genitals so they can't identify him. The cops would be like, hey, let me see his dick. Oh, that's Bobby Franks.

That's crazy. Yeah, well, they wanted to hide the fact that the kid was circumcised. They're just stupid kids. And then they went and got hot dogs and root beer. Yeah, they went and got hot dogs and root beer. They spent seven months planning this. Yeah, they spent seven months planning this to commit this, like, just, they got caught immediately. And in 1920s, when I was watching these documentaries and reading about this, it got me thinking, like, before DNA analysis

and all the scientific assistance that investigators and detectives get now and law enforcement gets, how the fuck did people solve crimes back in the day? Like, if you wanted to murder someone and get away with it, you could do it. Yeah, but they...

All you had to do was look left and look right, and if there was nobody around, you're getting away with it. But they got him. And then the... Well, tell them how they got him, which is wild. Well, the glasses thing was a big thing. The glasses was the way they got him. And the guy who...

Who was the guy who went after them? What was his last name? Crowley or Crow or... Was it Crow? Crow. District Attorney Crow. So he was dope. He wanted to go at him.

Because of the affluence, because the idea that this could be affluent kids, this became a huge thing. He went after them and he wanted to go after the death penalty. So that's a big issue. That's another part of this is the fight over the death penalty and their lawyer, the dude Darrow. Clarence Darrow is one of the most famous figures in American history. Took this case. He was a staunch opponent to the death penalty. Famous defense attorney.

Argued many famous cases in American history. He took this case. It was the last case, I believe. Last case. I think this probably kind of soiled who he was a little bit. It really did kind of soil, because he gave an 11-hour fucking speech. And supposedly he was acting like he was Bryan Cranston on Broadway. Like he was all over the goddamn court working people crying.

The judge cried. That's when you know you're going to win. Yeah, because he was good in front of the jury. He popped the judge, baby. So this case was not a jury case. This came down to judge. They bypassed the jury, and it was up to the judge. Well, because Darrow changed it.

He said no guilty, realized these guys were going to— This should be known, too. Death penalty back then was the fucking gallows pole. You hung. Yeah. They hung your ass like you're in a clint eastwood movie yeah all right so he realized they were gonna hang these bastards he believed that you punish the sin not the sinner so it's like the sin was what's bad

murder so but we're not gonna murder we're not gonna then murder you again. So he decided to change the plea to guilty. And then the issue becomes no jury. Now the judge has to hear the arguments. Right. And he brought in alienists, which is what they called shrinks back then. Well, first of all, yeah, they called the shrinks aliens, which is weird. I was like, what are they talking about? Are they Mexicans?

Yeah. I didn't understand. So they used to call psychiatrists aliens. They built walls there. Can you look up why that is? Why did they used to call psychiatrists aliens. They built walls there. Can you look up why that is? Why did they used to call psychiatrists aliens? But he had really no choice. It's a good legal move because they had-

Back to the wall. Yeah, they had confessions. The kids admitted it. So, I mean, pleading guilty is the way to go. Because they were going to rat on each other, too. They were already ratting on each other. They were confessing. Yeah.

And, you know, it's funny. We still don't know which one of them actually killed Bobby Franks because they both blame it on each other. Some people think it was Leopold. Some people think it was Loeb. I'd bet on Leopold. I'd put odds on it. Leopold. You think because Loeb probably made him do it.

Yes. Yeah. Mastermind. Yeah. He from his whole life, Loeb, was a criminal into stealing, lying. You could say he's probably on the psychopath spectrum, as they call it. He's the more of the two. He's more psychopathic of the two of them.

I forget. It seems. Both of them. I forget. It seems. Both of them, their parents weren't around as much. They had, they didn't even call them nannies, governesses. And one of them fucked one of them when he was like 12, like sexually abused him. I don't know which one it was. But one of them did. I need to know which one it was. And the other one's governess basically was his mother.

Yeah, but you can't blame it on that, though. But they ended up using that. Clarence Darrow did. Yes, to prove that these guys' minds were children-like. He compared one of them. So these guys, these super-menches, right, and we're smarter than everyone. We go to college.

We graduate early. But one of them, he basically compared them to the brain of a fucking four-year-old interesting yeah they were still children they never really grew up that that they and this became an issue with people is is are these kids actually really growing up are they given too much where they never can't where they can't grow up this became an issue for society right in the middle of the roaring 20 Twenties. This was like, yeah. Because of this.

Everyone worried about their kids. Right, because the 20s, people were partying. Things were starting to become easy. 19 years old, back in the day, you were a full-grown man with responsibilities. This is the beginning

of the affluent America where you're 19, you're still acting like a 12-year-old. It's a great point. It's the beginning. This is the beginning of it. We live in the culmination of that now. You know? Leopold is the one who had been sexually abused.

And the alien-ness is because when psychiatry was still in its infancy, they used to use alien-ness to signify a medical doctor specializing in the treatment of mental illness or ailment. Interesting. So ailment, the word ailment is what they call an alien? You're good, baby. Who's good? Jotty.

Jotty. How did alien go from that to extraterrestrials and then- Illegals. And then illegal aliens. That word, we got to do a history of the word alien. That's another episode. So these kids, they got sentenced. They did not get the death penalty

which is why Clarence Darrow won he was a famous fucking kid Clarence Darrow his closing summation was 11 fucking hours which I still can't believe what can you talk about for 11 hours work the room

like he was Don Rickles at the Sands in 68 I mean that is self-indulgent. That's like Chappelle, post-Chapelle show, when you pop up and do like eight-hour performances, and they said people would stay. You know what? I don't give a fuck if Jesus is talking. After an hour 45, I'm going to the bathroom and not coming back.

And it's weird because they say he was such a great performer. If you look at pictures of this dude, if you, Jihadi, you're young, but I assume that you've seen The Godfather. He looks like Sterling Hayden. He looks like the crooked cop who beats up Michael when he gets shot in the throat in the Italian restaurant. Spoiler, everybody. He had, that was the dude's permanent look. He looked like he got shot eating his veal. Make no mistake, he was a rock star at that time.

He's a rock star. And make no mistake, Van Morrison also does not look like a rock star. If you heard Van Morrison's voice and then saw his face, you're like, that is not the voice coming out of that face. There he is, yeah. Look at this. He just got shot in the throat by Michael Cole-Lyon at Louie's in the Bronx. Yeah, he does look that way.

He looks like an angry kid. Crazy. But anyway, Clarence Darrow, he won. They did not. Well, I guess it's a it's a pyrrhic victory. Right. I mean, he won in that they didn't get the death penalty, but they did go to jail. This is the most Chicago thing, though.

Yeah. Because Chicago's been crooked forever. And Chicago was wild at that time because bootlegging was happening and it was controlled. There was a there was a thriving underworld. Yes. And one of the things that, I forget the last name again. Who's the DA?

He's got a cool last name. Crow. Crow. They wanted to send a message to stop crime there. All right? And that's one of the reasons he's pushing hard for capital punishment.

All right? And they pushed hard. And the big issue was the day before the verdict by the judge. This is so Chicago. The bookies were taking bets three to one that they weren't getting their death penalty. How crazy is that? That's the most Chicago shit ever.

That is Chicago. Yeah. Wild. It's fucking wild. Yeah. That's inside out, Peter. People were betting on, yeah, and that's how famous this case was. That's how much a part of the national conversation it was.

Remember, this is the city that threw the World Series. Yeah, Chicago. That came from Chicago. Chicago's always had, you know, it's Italians. Let's be honest. Italians, when you're Italian, it comes with a little, you're born with a little criminality. Yeah, but the Jewish, Rothstein is the one who threw the World Series. Remember that?

Yeah. Well, them too. Can I get a Weishang Jinx? Murdering baby. Yeah. So they went to jail. His face isn't – just so you know, I lost my thought in the middle of what I was trying to say because I'm looking at the picture of this maniac who looks like he eats cheeseburgers made of babies, and it freaked me the fuck out. He looks like Jack Nicholson a little bit.

Doesn't he? An uglier version of Jack Nicholson. Like, if they did a movie about him, they did a biopic about him. Jack Nicholson's great-great-grandpa. I mean, Jack Nicholson could play him. I'm calling it right now. Eventually, they're going to make a Clarence Darrow movie. They probably already have.

If Nicholson fucked Hitchcock, that's what this guy would look like. Yes, that was good. He looks like he defends guilty people. He does, have. If Nicholson fucked Hitchcock, that's what this guy would look like. Yes. He looks like he defends guilty people. He does. So the two kids... Well, that was his nickname. His nickname was the Attorney of the Damned. Yeah. Baby, I'm good, Bubba. And he got a lot of people off. Baby, I'm Jordan 91.

We'll do another episode on Clarence Darrow. He did some good stuff. This one, I guess you could say, I think it kind of soiled his legacy a little bit because these two murderers, who gives a fuck? If we don't kill them, who are we going to kill with the death penalty? We came to sentiment. I'm against the death penalty

but when two kids clearly do it, I'm for it. When the two kids admit it. Planted for months. I was just a hypocrite, right? That was an oxymoron. I'm for that was a, I was just a hypocrite, right? That was an oxymoron. I'm for the death penalty. Like, I'm not Batman.

Well, we know that already, Jihadi. You're for a state sanctioned on national TV death penalty. You want to do it in a public square with a drain where all the blood gets, you take out a hose and you wash it down the drain. Don't forget, we put it on YouTube after. That's right. So these two kids got convicted. They got, what, 25 to life, whatever it is.

Whatever it is they got, they got. Loeb ends up getting murdered horrifically by another inmate. Because? Sexual advances. Yeah. That's why the guy killed him? Yeah.

Yeah. He apparently was going to try and booger him in the behind, and the guy wasn't feeling it. Wow. Wow. Before, I guess, that that was what it was in prison. Wow. Yeah. So he got killed.

He got killed brutally, too, like a lot of stabs, right? Clipped hard. Yeah, he got stabbed a bunch of times. He got stabbed up, died miserable. So that was the end of Loeb. I mean, for an ubermensch, for a superman, he really did not have a super life or not even a cool death.

I mean, he's just stabbed to death in prison. The other one fucking moved, got out of prison, moved to Puerto Rico and wrote a book about birds? What the fuck is that? He's big on birds. He was big on birds and he was actually like, it was a pretty important book that he was a part of, right? On bird watching or something.

So Leopold ended up... Hey, birds. Hey, birds. Hey, birds. He ended up living a long time. And that was sort of the first big case in this sort of American phenomenon that's now spread the world over

of these weird thrill kills. Now people do it with heavier machinery. They go into schools... First crime of the century, bro. First crime of the century, right? That's what they call it? Yeah. Is that the nickname for go into schools first crime of the century bro first crime of the century right that's what they call it is that the nickname for it the first crime of the century

Leopold and Loeb famous famous piece of American history right there infamous Leopold and Loeb two rich kids from a suburb of Chicago who killed little old poor Bobby Franks they were so Franks.

They were so Franks and Beans. We didn't even emphasize how they got caught. So the police had no leads really. Started interviewing people. Had really nothing. But what they did have is by the body, they found a pair of glasses that were tailor-made with a, what do you call this, ophthalmologists? Is that an ophthalmologist who makes them? Like a weird ridge to it.

The guy made three. Yeah, there's three in the whole city. The guy made three. They were all on record. Leopold lied. It was Leopold's. He lied at first, right? And he goes

Oh yeah They must have You know They must be at my house Or something They went there Then boom Finally he admits

That they're his And that He says Oh they must have Just fallen out of my pocket They go there They try to have him Simulate how it could have

Fallen out of his pocket Or something And be stolen He ends up confessing So these two kids Who are set out to to commit the perfect crime commit the most Franks and Beans crime of all time for no fucking reason either.

And then they sent the ransom note. They were trying to get the money, and that went wrong too. And they didn't need money. They didn't need money. They're trying to get money. I mean, what are they doing? So, yeah, it's this bigger thing. It's like were kids, was the Roaring Tw 20s starting to get decadent at this point?

Were kids were just bored out of their minds? And, you know, Idle Times and Devil Plates. Like, what the fuck were these kids doing? I think it probably had something to do with it, but I think more, I think it's just one of these weird things in history where these personalities come together and create, like, another personality. Kind of like history hyenas yeah where me and chrissy just neither one of us talked like this before we

started doing the podcast really weird wild yeah we just you know he doesn't talk he didn't talk like that i didn't talk like that but we've created i'm gonna talk like yeah we're we're gonna kill a boy we're gonna kill a boy we have to sacrifice a boy to Aunt Eileen. So anyway, this has been History Hyenas. Leopold and Loeb, fucking wild. Wild, baby. Yeah, tune in for our bonus episode. Jihadi Body is going to pick which one it's going to be. We got a bunch of bonus episodes we shot this week.

Go over to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. And join up so you can hear the bonus episode every week. It's going to be wild. There's a bunch. And then, like I said, we have a walk and talk. We got a kamikaze this week. So thank you all who've joined.

And next week, when Chrissy is back, we are going to read all the new Patreons. We're not going to do it this week because it's better when Chrissy's here. So next week, we'll read all the new members. Thank you for your service, for joining. All the ones that deleted it. Fuck you, you're a toot. Peace.

Uh, Hebert. Uh, Hebert. Uh, Hebert. Uh, Hebert. Uh, Hebert. I don't know. ស្រូវាប់បានប់បានប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់