History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 46 - The Hyenas go WILD w the Matriarchy!

Episode Date: December 23, 2018

Yannis Pappas and Chris Distefano go wild as they call their patrons and have a cackle fest!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: ��🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up, cuzzy wuzzies? You're listening to the Bay Ridge Boys, History Hyenas, Bad. What's up everybody? Welcome to yet another episode of the History Hyenas. This is Chris DiStefano, a.kfano aka chrissy cavanaugh with me as always yannis papas aka francis ford cuckola then we also have jihadi with a body zach isis aka hummus lips and mike suarez isn't here because he's probably in a diabetic coma he's not why would you involve him in the... And James Mad Dog Lugan is on a flight to Vegas

to visit his toot-fucking-mom's grave. And Bardo Church isn't here because he's been gone for six months. Yeah, Bardo Church is a... And also George W. Bush is... George Bush is dead as well. What are you bringing up Mike Suarez for? Yeah, make no mistake...

Nobody was wondering where Mike Suarez was. Make no mistake, Bardo Church, a.k.a. the White Wasp, sent us an email saying that he was choosing to part ways with his company. But make no mistake. He was fired because he's a useless eater. When you don't wear the headphones, you can't hear the Wei Zhong Jing. I can hear him. I can hear him right here. Because with a dude like that, when I'm coming.

See, I was going to try to go with no headphones. Yeah. But I'm just. Yeah, there he is. Yeah, I I was going to try to go with no headphones. Yeah. But I'm just— Yeah, there he is. Yeah, I'm just going to put them on and play by the rules. Play by the rules. And I just got to take a picture because from my point of view, you have to see how fucking full Franks and Beans Giannis looks right now. I mean, he's just a Franks—look at how Franks and Beans you look.

To me, that just looks like a cute kid from New York City who can't let it go that the Giants are not going to make the playoffs. Yeah, I was going to say that you're wearing a Giants hat from Models. I went live from Facebook earlier, and there was somebody from New York, I can't remember, who told me to take the hat off. So that is a Giants fan who was angry. And I understand anger because there's a lot of useless eaters on this planet. Well, make no mistake. If anybody wants to be angry towards us, our new $500 member, John Sedeto, all he does is post pictures with AK-47s. And he's a war veteran who's a little fucking off the wall.

So we got some protection now. And it's what it is. And make no mistake. He's no fan of Democrats. Yeah. It's what it is. I mean, mistake, he's no fan of Democrats. Yeah. It's what it is. I mean, look, we have opened up our Patreon, patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Go be a part of the matriarchy.

We have opened it up to the people. And make no mistake, there are some fucking nuts out there. And they are our fans. And we are happy that you are on our side fighting with the good guys. Yeah. It warms my heart every time I check the Patreon and see new members of all races, creeds, religions, sexualities, sexes. We got a high percentage of pieces that are a part of our Patreon.

Yeah, because make no mistake, jihadi with a body is an in-shape jihadi with a physique. Yeah. And I'm a Greek with a physique. You're a Greek. Yeah. And I'm a Greek with a physique. You're a Greek with a physique. I'm Greek with a physique. Is that a rhyme or is that more of an Eminem trying to make it rhyme? You're a physiqued Greek. I don't know.

Sometimes I listen to Eminem songs and I'm like, those two words rhyme. By the way, jihadi, play your song for Chrissy Wellfarts. Yeah. Do you have it locked below you? And the matriarchy, the toot matriarchy. The toot matriarchy. We're going to play Jihadi's song right now? Make no mistake.

I'm going to get it to Sypha Sounds, and he's going to put it on Hot Night. No, I don't think he works for Hot Night. Yes. Is this your song? Sypha Sounds does not work for Hot Night anymore. Now he just does improv and gets TV shows. Yeah, now he just hosts True TV's Comedy Knockout, which, make no mistake, is just a ripoff

of Comedy Central's Mashup. But he doesn't host that. Damien Lemon hosts that. Oh, they gave it to him now? Oh, no, no, not Comedy Knockout. Oh, the other thing, yeah. What's the... Laugh Tracks.

Yeah. Everybody wants to act like they have new ideas. Is this what you played me before? Here we go. Right now, it sounds like it's from the fields of Baghdad. You're not going to believe it. You don't know what's good or what's bad.

Yeah, I don't care. If it's not what you listen on it, I don't care. Yeah. Is this your voice? Are you the vocalist? Yeah. And this is for my homies locked up, praying for the ones up top. Yeah, we could be doing better, but we love what we got.

It ain't a lie, but one day we're going to own this town. I let the homie lace the beat while I be rolling the lap. Don't hold me down. I promise for the grim reap creeping. I'm going to make it big. And when I do, then we all eating. And we're going to slay. Did it for idiots and the runaways.

Happy just to live through the night and see another day. To my nephews, I would kill for you. In life, there's so much more still to do. I will for you and pass them all a mil or two. I'm so well, y'all might just see me getting killed in the news. I got to keep it a hundred. You want to do it, I done it. You buzzing because you was funding.

I struggled up to the summit. Fuck your bling and your salary. Living like human batteries to keep you blind from reality. It's all strategy. That's that you singing, right? No, not me singing. Yo, that's the first verse. It wasn't bad, right?

No, not that it wasn't bad. It's good. Yeah, well, we have to figure out a way to derail his music career so we can keep him on the podcast. Keep him on the podcast, paying him $25, and he better start making clips soon. He better start making some fucking clips with subtitles. That's what we're doing. We're starting to page Jihadi with a body now, and he's going to start making Instagram clips with subtitles for our people out there who don't want to, you know, our toot matriarchy who just wants to listen and binge on this thing for free. We're going to start putting it up on Instagram on our History Hyenas clips of the podcast with

subtitles because a lot of you guys are probably deaf. And you're on the Franks and Beans scale. Yeah, a lot. Yeah. What we've known, well, first of all, I know I want to get to you, I just want to say I was at the Houston Improv this weekend thank you for the history hyena fans who came out and I did have sex with a guy I got a blowjob from a man

and it's just what it is I'm not gonna you know hide it anymore I fucking there was a gay guy downstairs in the bar

in Houston and I just brought him upstairs to my room and I just got a blowjob and I just don't care anymore you just were curious and you wanted to see what it was

and I just got blown by a dude and it's fucking great. What was it? Was it weird? No. It was some Asian fucking, you know, little Asian guy that I just fucking ran my cock in his mouth a little bit. So they're halfway. They don't have hair on them.

No, it was hairless. If I was going to get blown by a guy, I'd go Asian just because they're hairless. Hairless. I could not look at hair. It was like banging out a Sphinx cat. Yeah. Make no mistake, the Toot matriarchy, they missed you last week.

But a lot of people liked Hey Bert, the glue gun. There's nothing to dislike about Hey Bert, but make no mistake, if Hey Bert keeps sending off... Hey Bert? If he keeps sending off vibes that he doesn't like being called Heybert, we're just going to fucking beat the shit out of him. It's like, listen, Heybert, you better just fucking accept

that the fans of the Matriarch are taking you in to our kingdom, because if you don't accept them, then the only fans you're going to have are going to be at Planet Fitness on 4th Avenue. Yeah, I mean, listen. Hey, Bert is funny, and we're going to keep doing it. And Andrew Agos had the fucking meme of the week when he just took that picture of James Mad Dog Manor and just put Hey Bert's hair on him. It was the best.

Shout out to Andrew Agos, whose daughter is a beast. I'll never stop saying it. I've been friends with Mad Dog forever. Andrew Agos is a beast, too. Yeah, well, he's a- He's Agos is a piece too Yeah well he's He's got a nice smile Yeah and he's a surgeon He's the guy who blew me in Houston

Yeah It's what it is Cause I'm not gay if I got a blowy from a guy right? If it was just a blowy? No you Unfortunately you are The thing is you just have to stop stressing about it And accept that you don't really have a sexuality

It's just one You don't have a sexuality. Listen to me. Just let me finish. Because I'm diagnosing you here with something you've been curious about your whole life. Yeah. By the way, I just want you to diagnose it. But this is the best Giannis.

Giannis with a dirty ass. Just uncleaving, unshaven. Wearing a fucking giant's hat from Models that a kid with special needs would wear. Giving me advice is what you people should be paying for on the Patreon. Go! But this Karl Lagerfeld leather is CAYOTE! Here's the deal. You don't have

a sexuality. Okay. So stop searching for one. Okay. Stop saying am I gay? What is it? I like to bang toots. You're just 100% Frank Sempies wild! and that's your sexuality is wild yeah you don't check to see whether it's a girl and a boy much like what comes out of your mouth yeah you figure it out later i just so you just start banging whatever is in front of you and then you check to to see what is down there yeah and that's what it is it's what it is

i act first think second now listen you the thing is i'm when you get horned up your brain turns off i'm just getting in a hall yeah when i get horned up and the thing is i understand that a lot of the women i understand a lot a lot of the toots that listen to this i'm gonna lose them you know i've already there's been a few toots who have been in my life but listen the podcast be like listen i can't i can't bang you out anymore i'm like fine i'm willing to make the. You know, I've already, there's been a few toots who have been in my life who have listened to the podcast and been like, listen, I can't bang you out anymore. And I'm like, fine. I'm willing to make the sacrifice for the matriarchy to just be open and wild here. But I know what the cost of that is a few toots.

And when I lose a few toots, the only way to cure a few toots is a few brews. And it's just what it is. I'm willing to get alcohol. Is that the math equation? Yeah. Lose a few toots. The only way to counterbalance a few bros. Chris is admitting he got blown by a guy. Minus a few toots plus a few bros equals-

It's what it is. What it is. That's what it is. That's the math equation right there. Yeah, yeah. Because you didn't get blamed. You did not get blown by a guy. So why are you lying to the people?

Because I just wanted to fucking- But you are curious to get blown by a Chinese man I'm not curious In winter So you don't hurt him Yes No I'm not curious I'm not a gay kid

But I just am a guy Who I've said this before On the You're a curious kid I'm a kid who Who doesn't mind You know Sitting in a guy's lap

Or a guy sitting in my lap But it doesn't mean I'm a gay You know I used to ask that when we first became friends it's like look i have a thing like you know like where like if you want to come sit on my lap i just wouldn't care so you know and i don't think it's gay i'm not turned on by you but you know you're a good friend and it's like yeah i don't want you anywhere near my fucking lap yeah i don't want to sit in your fucking lap so what is that i've never even heard of that i don't know to sit in your fucking lap. So what is that? I've never even heard of that.

I don't know what it is. If someone asks you what your sexuality is, you say, I'm a straight man, but I don't mind sitting in a guy's lap. Nobody's ever heard that before. You're saying that you can't appreciate a handsome man that smells good, that's strong and protective? No, I don't think like that yeah it's what it is i don't understand what you i don't understand what that means what do you mean what i don't know why would

you need a handsome guy who smells good to protect you you are a handsome guy who smells good you got no fumes yeah and you can protect yourself because make no mistake no fumes you took 13 minutes of krav maga that you forgot yeah but for a while you were into krav maga so you and you had to choke out your instructor because he was wild he was wild and i haven't eaten bread in two days and i know krav maga i'm fucking ready to go yeah because you just you're a kid who you can't here's the thing about you And why you're such a Wild hyena Is because you can't make good decisions

Without making bad decisions Yeah that's Bad decisions is your fuel That's what keeps you going Right So it's like you make a lot of good decisions But the only thing that keeps you on this planet Alive to make those good decisions

Is bad decisions For example Yeah In Houston Right You worked out that keeps you on this planet alive to make those good decisions is bad decisions for example yeah in houston right you worked out you said i'm gonna be i'm gonna be very i was with sergio chacon i'm gonna bring sergio we're gonna go box i'm gonna sweat we're gonna work out hard yeah i'm gonna be healthy and then because you did that and you made so many good decisions you're like now i gotta make some bad ones so i'm to bang out a greasy burger, eat it fast, have a brew, bang a guy and pass out on stage. And it's just what it is. Yeah.

Do you see what I'm saying? Absolutely. Yeah. And I'm like, you know, who's the best guy to bring for me is a guy who trains a lot and talks really loud and is clearly just using energy to fucking suppress the fact that he has a cocaine addiction. And that's a guy just bring on the fucking road with me. Yeah, but he holds it in check. But he's hanging on by a thin thread with that, right? Absolutely.

And it's just what it is. And you're right. I actually vomited. If anybody was out there listening to the podcast, was at the Houston Improv Show Saturday night, I vomited in between shows and was vomiting about two minutes before I got called on stage. And I just pulled it together like the Michael Jordan flu game and just did my time and then vomited again. And it was all 100% my fault and also Sergio Chacon's fault. Well, you banged out a dude with fumes. Shut up, Chris.

Shut up. No, you can't do that. You got to put cackles over that. Yeah. Jihadi, you got to remember to put. We can't not. This is the free episode. And make no mistake, people in Houston listen to this.

So that has to have cackles over it. Yeah. You can't. You cannot do that, guys. It's fine. It is. Because that one needs cackles. I'm going to have to saveles over it. Yeah. You can't. You cannot do that, cuz. It's what it is. Cuz that one needs cackles. I'm gonna have to save you a few times from yourself.

It's what it is. Yeah, that was- Can you just time code that, cuz we need cackles. Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's an absolute must? Of course it's an absolute must. It's what it is.

Yeah, you can't say that. We're gonna get fucking sued before we get huge. Yeah. This is gonna be- Our operation's gonna get fucking sued before we get huge. Yeah. Our operation is going to be shut down before we even open up. It's what it is. I just had to make no mistake. I just had a smoothie from Liquitaria, and I forgot to take a picture and post it.

And make no mistake, I am a cutie with a smoothie, but I did forget to post the pic. That's not fucking cute. But you know what? You know who knows you're cute? You and Jesus Christ Jesus Christ There may not be proof of it to put on the ground But Jesus knows when you're being cute and you're smoothed up Jesus knows when you're being

I feel like that should be the new thing with Santa It's like Santa knows when you're being cute Santa knows when you're being brute You know, can you imagine like if Jihadi leaves here Just because he's been around us for so long now If he just goes and gets a spew Then he starts talking like this Yeah And he calls his buddies like What's up? Can you imagine if Jihadi leaves here just because he's been around us for so long now? If he just goes and gets a spew, then he starts talking like this. Yeah.

And he calls his buddies like, what's up? What's going on? It's Zach. What are you doing? Are we going to make our fucking rap album later? Yeah. I want to just fucking rap. I want to fucking rap my music.

Yeah. Yo, make no mistake. Zach Isis is an ambitious kid. You know? Zach Isis is an ambitious kid who, make no mistake, buys his sweatshirts from Marshalls. There's no question about that. It's what it is. So he better get his rap out there soon. At least he can upgrade to Target.

Do you remember when we first met him? He had a Band-Aid that was holding his glasses together. Yeah, Zach. It was tape. It was tape. It was tape. He's making big improvements. You're a smart kid, but for the first time I saw you, I thought you were a little Franks and Beans.

We got to get a Franks and Beans button. Yeah. Get Warren from Something About Mary. Go, Franks and Beans. Franks and Beans. That's what it's got to be. Now, you're ambitious because not only you're a rapper, you got something else to you. Writing a book, he told me he's writing a screenplay.

Wow. He's doing porn. So he's just taking on too much. He's just taking on too much, yeah. Because you got to, what you have to do, Zach, is you have to put all your energy

into one of those. So pick one of them. History hyenas. Yeah, I would say give it all up and just be our video guy. Listen, we have a lot of new members.

We're going to read them early in the episode. You want to read them now? Yeah. Oh, because you didn't do your job last week. I wanted to wait for you to be back because people were asking where the fuck is big buck chris big buck where was big buck chris you were in houston i was in houston and i you were on the asian make no mistake you were on the podcast last week taking a shit it's just what it

is um okay so here are the here are the names for today. Okay, here we go. We have a lot of guys in this. So this is two weeks worth, right? Yeah. So normally we read them at the end, but just for today we figured we need- Yeah, we'll get to all the office business first. Okay.

All right, so here we go. You ready? Yeah. First new member of the matron kevin donnelly we know what you are how you doing kevin what you're doing have you been fiddled by a priest this one is even getting me antonette and then the last name is g j e l a j gelage antonette gelage antonette's ital, but Gelage is like Serbian or something. Yeah, I'm going to go Lithuanian.

She's a Lithuanian, and she's a piece. Oh, she absolutely is. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I can see her. Because every girl that follows us is a piece. You're going to get in trouble from your fiance, so stop saying it. Just let me say it.

Josh Thomas. Josh Thomas is a black kid. Correct. Josh Thomas is a kid who, when we put on Jihadi's album, was like, wow, wow, Jihadi got bars. Jihadi got bars. 100%. Robert Wakefield.

He's a kid who said the word bars. He says the word bars a few times a week. Yeah. He's the kind of kid who probably can't date my daughter. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Of course you can, Josh. You look like a handsome kid.

Robert Wakefield. Robert Wakefield. Oh, that is. That kid does not own a pair of socks. Yes, that guy is from Connecticut. Father, I want a pony. Now, next one. one name, Robbie. We know what it is if it's one name.

We know the one name, yeah. Yo, Jihadi, we need to do a mixtape together. His name is Robbie. Eric Hughes. Eric Hughes? Wow. He has a picture of himself, so I know the answer. I'm going to go Mavri.

Wrong. Not a Mavri? He's a white kid with a Justin Bieber haircut. Wow, let me see him. Let me see this fucking piece. I'm going to go Mavri. Wrong. Not a Mavri? He's a white kid with a Justin Bieber haircut. Wow. Let me see him. Let me see this fucking piece. Yo. I mean, look at the pose he's doing.

Yeah, he might be a gay kid. Yeah, well, he may be a gay kid. If he's not a gay kid, he may be a kid who's questioning it. And we're here to tell you, yes. We're here to tell you that you can pay a visit to my hotel room in Houston. Yeah, so he's a kid. he looks like a kid from Pennsylvania. He looks like a kid who's on, what is it, Raspringa, where the Amish kids go wild for one year. We're going to do an episode on that because that's fucking wild.

You know what they do there? They go wild for one year and they just fucking do drugs. What it is. And then they go back to Christianity. Next name, R.S. Michael. R.S. Michael? Yeah. Sounds like a poet.

What, are you working on a novel? He sounds like a British kid. He probably is. Smokes a pipe. Nick Song. Nick Song? Sounds like a black kid. Might be a black kid.

Yeah. Anna Bosco. Anna Bosco. That's an Italian girlian girl yeah and her profile pics a hyena yeah make no mistake anna bosco makes sauce bugatti beans well you know what we're doing over at bugatti beans we will fix your radiator with a 50 discount if you say you know vinnie yeah angel granville age of granville angels angels a puerto rican name You know, Vinny. Yeah. Angel Granville. Angel Granville.

Angel's a Puerto Rican name. That's a Puerto Rock. Yeah. He's Puerto Rican. Puerto Rican with a white dad. Yeah. His mom, make no mistake, has a pillow she puts on a fire escape, and she puts her elbows on it and sits there in the summer. It's just what it is.

It's just what it is. It's just what it is it's just what it is it's just what it is because puerto rican mothers and grandmothers love to look out the window and put their weight on the fire escape yeah it's what it is she had sassone to everything next guy matt schmidt aka schmitty small piece uh first of all he's a fucking non-toot. He's a non-toot. He's a true blue gay. Yep. I like this kid, and he's a Schmitty, so I'm going to go he's an Irish fucking kid. Irish kid.

And then we got CJ Jones, parentheses, black guy with a nice fucking piece. It's just what it is. Yes! CJ! We encourage you guys To do that on the Patreon By the way Give us a fucking name

To have fun with I love that kid CJ Jones Yes CJ Jones also looks Jack CJ Jones looks like A scary fucking kid

And I'm not I mean like Just a kid Who we want on our side Who's gonna be In our fucking army Let me see CJ Jones is just a kid

That'll hurt you Let me see CJ Jones He's just a diesel Fucking black kid Wow Yeah see. CJ Jones is just a kid that'll hurt you. Let me see CJ Jones. He's just a diesel fucking black kid. Yeah, CJ Jones. Yo, that is definitely a kid who lights incense when he irons his pants.

Yeah. That's just what it is. It's what it is. And he also likes Zach's bars. Yeah. Emily Howell. Emily Howell.

First of all, she's a what? She's white. Yeah, we know she's white. But what else is she? Because I can't say it. She's a peace. She's white Yeah we know she's white But what else is she Cause I can't say it She's a

Peace You're a piss Okay next Wait her name's Howell? Howell Wow Lisa Johnson is next I'm Lisa Johnson?

Yeah How you doing girl? Black girl? Black girl She has a picture of herself I'm talking about Fucking Peace Let me see Like Legit peace Like Reese's? Black girl? Black girl. She has a picture of herself? I'm talking about fucking peace. Let me see.

Like, legit peace. Like Reese's? Like DM me. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Fucking peace. That is the kind of look that I marry. That's my wife right there, Lisa Johnson. Because you love black women.

Lisa Johnson is a Pies Pies Yo girl You are fine Yes, I love Lisa Johnson Wow, Lisa Johnson is a Pies Daniela Pena

We know exactly what you are, Daniela Pena She's also a piece, but she has her husband in the photo So I'm just going to say respectfully Thank you for your service,, Daniel Pena. She's also a piece, but she has her husband in the photo, so I'm just going to say respectfully, thank you for your service, Daniela Pena. Mrs. Pena, thank you,

Mrs. Pena. Yeah, Sean with two N's. But make no mistake, we didn't say, she's definitely Puerto Rican. Sean,

I'm just going to say, Sean with two N's. This guy, this is, we are going to do this, we're going to give Franks and Beans a face, and it's fucking Sean

with two N's. You are Franks and Beans a face and it's fucking Sean with two N's. You are Franks and Beans, Sean. Franks and Beans. Holy shit, Sean with two N's. Holy, yo,

he is, yeah, he looks, that's the most Franks and Beans Patreon picture we've gotten. 100%.

So his ethnicity is Franks and Beans. Franks and Beans. You can have an, yeah, it's fucking Sean. Yeah, you're a great kid. Sean D.

Sean D. And just like Mad Dog's ethnicity is Hey Bert. Yeah. Sean's Franks and Beans. His ethnicity is Franks and Beans. You were born in a country called Franks and Beans. These are great fucking people this week. Naomi Bueller.

Wow. She's a piece, but you got to guess what she is, but she's a piece. She sounds like Middle Eastern or Syrian or... Hit us up, Naomi. Thank you. N-Y-O-M-I-N, Bueller.

Wow. I'm going to go Lebanese. J-Rone. Hold on. I'm going to guess. J-Rone. J-Rone. R-H-O-N-E. Come on, man zane yo wait hold on man you want to buy some

candy for my basketball i think that deserved a way shang chi now yeah you got a way i mean but it is true what's it have you ever seen a white kid asking to buy candy for a basketball team? No. I've never seen a white kid. All right. Zane Kawaja. K-H-A-W-A-J. We know what this is. Zane Kawaja. Zane Kawaja?

That's Middle Eastern. Kawaja? Kawaja? Zach, K-H-A-W-A-J-A. I was going to say Russian kid. Could be either one. Sounds more Middle Eastern. Wow, now we got a fucking celeb following us.

Chris Paul from the Houston Rockets. Nice to see you, Chris Paul. Chris Paul, thank you. Cuz, we heard you're not a great teammate. That's the rumor. Yeah. Chris Alexander. Chris Alexander.

What are we guessing? I'm going he's a white kid. He's definitely a kid who farts in a hat and throws in his friend's face. Well, he is a white kid because his profile picture is, you know, the character Thanos from Marvel, that giant guy with Donald Trump's face on it. So that's what his profile picture is. It's Donald Trump as Thanos. So we know who he voted for and what his opinions are of people like Zach. He's not a fan of Democrats.

Yes, it's just what it is. Our, our, uh, the godfather of our matriarchy, Cedito, you guys are gonna like each other. Yeah. Now the next up, Peter Kostrup Nielsen. Oh, wow. He's a Scandinavian

kid. He's a Scandinavian fucking kid. So this kid's fumeless, right? Yeah, well, does he got a pick or no? No. Listen, guys, we don't mind. The people who have cat pics, it's like we want to see if you're a piece. And give us a fuck. Give us your real name.

And then just give us a little blurb. And we'll read it on the fucking party. Yeah, he's a Swedish. Because I don't know if he's a piece. He's a Swedish kid. Last but not least, Jose Maestro. Jose Maestro. Hmm, let me guess.

Puerto Rican. Puerto Rican. Yeah. Okay, now let me just see. Hold on. Jose Maestro. Hmm. Let me guess. Puerto Rican. Puerto Rican. Yes. Okay. Now, let me just see. Hold on. We got more. We got to have a lot more.

Yeah. Hold on. It's possible. Because we're doing two weeks now. Yeah. Guys, while Chris listens. Here we go. Very important.

Tell your friends about the potty. Tell them about the potty. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. Here are the newest members. Douglas Mos about the potty wotty. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Here are the newest members. Douglas Mosley. Douglas Mosley?

Wow. Coming off the bench for Syracuse. That kid's a three-star recruit black kid. Yes. Did I guess right? Is his pick there? His pick is not there. Megan Molan.

M-O-L-L-A-N or Milan. She is a white girl and she sounds like a... Peace. Peace. She is a white girl, and she sounds like a piece. She is a fucking piece. I can see her piece. So she put a pick? She's a piece. She's a white girl. She sounds like a girl from Florida.

Yeah, and she's probably a teacher, and she's one of those girls where she's like, hi, yeah, I know, I come to your shows and stuff, and yeah, it's fun, it's cool. Yeah, and she's probably really cool, but make the mistake, she has a wild side. Oh, absolutely. She's like, you give me a couple of martinis and some Claret and D, it's fun. It's cool. And she's probably like really cool, but make the mistake. She has a wild side. Oh, absolutely. She's like, you give me a couple of martinis and some Claret and D and I'll fucking suck your balls. Yeah, but don't make any Instagram videos because my kids that I teach are on Instagram. Yeah.

Love Megan. Thank you. Rob Feddersen, who's also got a pickup. Yeah. What do we say Rob Feddersen is? F-E-T-T-E-R-S-O-N. Sounds like we got another Scandinavian kid. He's a black kid. Wow. Rob Feddersen is F-E-T-T-E-R-S-O-N. Sounds like we got another Scandinavian kid. He's a black kid. Wow.

Rob Feddersen is a black kid. Absolutely. He's just a jacked out black kid. Yo, cuz. Just a handsome black kid. Rob Feddersen is just a cute black kid. Yeah, he's just a CBK. Cute black kid.

Cute black kid CBK. Brandon, one name, we know what it is. Black kids. Cuz, I love how many black kids are following us. We've got so many black kids, it's fucking great. Manny Pedraza. Manny Pedraza? Yeah.

That's another Puerto Rican. Welcome to the matriarch. Manny Pedraza has joined the Patreon, but make no mistake, you better send us proof that you're a citizen. Way some chi. Way some chi. You call me Mexican, it's like, you're from Puerto Rico, you're a citizen. You're from Mexico, man. Kenneth. Kenneth, we know what it is.

What's up? How you doing, man? Zach on pause. Yo, pause, pause, pause. Brian O. Brian O? Irish fucking kid. Yeah, Irish fucking kid

that's definitely hammered. Listen to this. Fucking having sex with a tooth Having sex with a tooth And going home to his wife And kids on Long Island It's what it is It's what it is

Derek Azarello Yeah it is kid Let me Let me first tell you What we could do for you Okay Let me first tell you What I could do for you

Your boiler Now you're gonna need A new one of those Alright But if you get the new boiler, you go with us in my family business. We will also do your front cement work. How does that sound?

Because my name is... Derek Azzarello. There it is, baby. Arthur the W. Arthur the W. I'm going to go... Yeah, because you're right. There's a difference between being a white kid and waithed. He's waith between being a white kid and waith. He's waith.

R3W is waith. He's waith. R3W says to different groups, these people are dirty. Yeah, wasp. He says that. Yeah. Chris Gregg. Chris Gregg.

I'm going to go another fucking wasp. Yeah. Looks like he's just got a picture of his children who look like Coyote kids who look like a couple of kiddies at Smoothies. Make no mistake, that kid has a goat head under floorboards in his bedroom. Yeah. And he takes them out and he drinks the blood of children. That's what it is. Freddy Lopez.

Freddy Lopez is just one of those guys you can trust. Yeah. Okay? He's from Washington Heights. Yeah. He's a good fucking trust. Yeah. Okay? He's from Washington Heights. Yeah. He's a good fucking kid. Yeah. And he's just got a fucking family business where it's an auto body shop and his name

tag, Freddie, is on his fucking chest right here. Yeah. And he eats Wendy's for lunch and it's what it is. And it's just a little Franks and Beans. It's a little Franks and Beans. But he's a good kid. He's a good fucking kid. Yeah.

And he still lives in Washington Heights and beans he's a good kid he's a good fucking kid yeah and he still lives in washington heights and he's he's he loves his mom larry jones larry jones is as black as a black kid can be any blacker might as well just put larry cut larry jones just sounds like a guy you don't want your wife to fuck wow because uh he's he just larry jones just sounds like he's got a big piece. Larry Jones, if you could send us a picture of your piece, it'd be appreciated. Because. Mike Wary, W-A-R-Y. Larry Jones sounds like a cuck's nightmare.

Oh, my God. Yeah. But it sounds like a guy his wife really wants to fuck because he's got a fucking hammer. Mike Wary. Mike Wary's an Irish kid. Irish kid. Shiva Singh. What's his name?

Shiva Singh. We have what you call a South Asian gentleman. Yes. He's got a picture of his kid and he's taking a selfie and it's what it is. He's a handsome fucking kid with a beautiful baby. Thank you for your Patreon. Thank you for your service. Shiva Singh.

Shiva Singh is a kid who has a family business, and they will do your brick pointing for you. Or Shiva Singh is a pharmacist. Or a pharmacist. Or a doctor. Or he drove you here. We just know one thing about Shiva Singh is that the only reason he's not doing better in life is because of Apu. And it's what it is. If he's following our podcast, he probably

doesn't care about Apu. He probably does not have a problem with Apu. And we love you. Thank you for your service, Shiva Singh. Then we just got Faith. F-A-I-F. Faith. What's up, yo? Yo, you gotta have Faith. Yo, you gotta have Faith. Yo, I ain't no ISIS have boss like that, man. Next up, Luis Flores.

Luis Flores, what's up? Que pasa, mi gente? Luis Flores, you're another one. Thank you for your service. Send me proof of nationality. How do you say thank you for your service in Espanol? Because that's what he is. Dasé.

Gentry Franks. Gentry Franks is Franks and Beanss and beans you're franks and beans that's your nationality one name justin justin wait gentry franks is an american kid who has his his forefathers fought in the civil war 100 gentry franks is an i think that name is american i don't think it comes from europe or i don't even think it's a christian name that's an apple pie gentry Franks. Frankin' name. Next up, Justin. One name. One name.

Come on. Black kid. Luke Guidry. Luke Guidry. Like Ron Guidry, the pitcher. Yeah. Wow, he's a Polish kid, no? Guidry?

I don't know. No, I don't think Guidry's Polish. Guidry's Polish. G-U-I-D-R-Y. Like Ron Guidry. Yo, are you related to the great? Ron Guidry? Ron Guidry to the great Ron Guidry? Ron Guidry?

What was his name again? Something Thunder? Mississippi Thunder? Or Ron Guidry? Ron Guidry was Something Thunder ISIS What was it? Ron Guidry Thunder?

I need to know it now Ron Guidry Thunder Louisiana Thunder? Louisiana Thunder Yeah Jeremy Lillig Louisiana Lightning Louisiana Lightning

Fuck We're fucking idiots We're dumb kids We're Franks and Beans We're Franks and Beans kids Jeremy Lillig L-I. Louisiana Lightning. Fuck. We're fucking idiots. We're dumb kids. We're Franks and Beans. We're Franks and Beans kids. Jeremy Lillig. L-I-L-L-I-G. An Irish kid.

Maybe a little Scottish in there. He's a white kid. Jared Govan. Jared Govan. Wow. That hurt my ass he's so white. Yeah. Jared Govan?

Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah. That kid does not wear jeans. He does not own one pair of jeans. It's khaki. He doesn't own jeans or socks. No, he owns no socks.

It's khakis and moccasins every single day, and he definitely has gotten a little nauseous whenever we reference Zach Isis. Jeremy Gavin's the kind of kid who would like to design a button that he could press and watch a whole bunch of people falling whole. That's what it is. That's what it is. Seriously. button that he could press and watch a whole bunch of people fall in a hole.

That's what it is. That name literally, I think, actually gets nauseous when we reference it. Jared Govan is such a white name that it actually is racist. Sounds like his family owns chocolate. Actually, yeah, Jared Govan, give me a Weishan Sheehan on that.

His people have done horrifying things to other races. Yeah, you've done bad, bad things, and you're the reason why straight white males can't get a job in comedy. Fucking your fault. Luis Martinez. Luis Martinez, he's a good Dominican kid. Yeah. And he's from Sunset Park.

Probably, yeah. And he probably at some point knows. Bang my baby mama. No, not your baby mama. Yeah. Nose. Bang my baby mama. No, not your baby mama. Yeah. She goes white. Oh, yeah. She's only white.

Yeah. But her sister. No. We need to just cackle this whole thing. What it is. Time coded. Yeah, just time coded and cackle it. I don't even know if she has a sister, but I don't care.

This is supposed to be only for the matriarch on Patreon. I'll tell you when we go wild. Oh, you know who else is Jared Govan? You know Jared Govan, who's prime fucking target for Marisa. Marisa would love Jared Govan. Shit. That's it. Listen, Jared, I need you to introduce me to your family.

Take me to Rhode Island. Take me to New Hampshire. How's that go there? Make no mistake. The only time you'll hear Marisa is on our podcast because Giannis is giving it up. I'm stopping it. Stopping it. Don't tell his co-host yet because he'll have no money for cocaine. Okay.

You can leave that one. Last but not least, Tarika Shelby. Yeah. Yeah. What's up, girlika yes i wish you would have posted a pic too because you're probably a piece too because how great are black girls i can't think of any you know you want to sit in guys laps i want to sit in black women's laps black women the most nurturing fun good sold people on the planet. I love black women.

I love black men. I actually love black people. Yeah. And it's not a pandering thing to say. It's just a truthful thing. They're just the best group of people to me. They're the most fun. Yeah.

I just enjoy time with them. Yeah. Well, they appreciate- They're great dressers. They smell good. They appreciate good-hearted stuff because they've had to go through such bad-hearted stuff. So that's what it is. They're easy people to talk to because they get it.

They're not offended by anything because they've had actual real shit happen to them. It really makes me—it's gross when you hear, like, just one of these girls try to call you racist. It's like, black people don't need any help identifying who's racist. Yeah, they know. They know. And it's you, Jared Govan. Don't worry.

They know. Yeah. For generations, they've had to know. They have a deeper sense than you can even come close to understanding. They know immediately just from your energy if you don't like. And make no mistake, a lot of from your energy if you don't like black.

Make no mistake, a lot of times they know if you're faking it. Because a lot of those people are faking it. You're faking to care about black people but you just don't want them around you. Yeah, and it's gross and we can see it a mile away because we are the History Ahinas, the Bay Ridge Boys,

the King Cucks. Because I love all people. I really, sincerely. Except. Except. There's a group you don't like, and especially your country doesn't like. I like all people. I think the great thing about our podcast is we don't run from reality. We don't pretend.

We embrace it, and we have fun with it. By the way, I would like a few more Chinese members of our Patreon. We don't have many Chinese members, and it could be because of a couple of things that we've said. It also just could be because— They're working, not listening to podcasts? Exactly, yeah. They're busy just getting accepted into elite schools. Yeah, they're just getting ahead of the rest of the world.

Because they are making up 100% of all elite school admissions. They are crushing the admission process. It's becoming like a controversy, because now I think even de Blasio is trying to change it. They keep trying to stop it because Asians are just smarter. They're just... You can say what you want. They're just smarter. Whether it's because of their culture or whatever it is, probably so.

They're just better than we are and smarter. Smarter. So Delilah better marry an Asian. Anytime I see a picture of her in a preschool with an Asian kid, I get excited. And you got to admit, anytime you mix anything with Asian, it ends up looking beautiful. Oh, my God. I saw the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in Houston. She was half white, half Asian, and then her husband was fucking peace.

He was a white guy who was jacked out. And they had two daughters, and the daughters were gorgeous because they had a little white. But then they had a half Asian mom who was a fucking peace who had no fumes. And it was just great. And then I just went upstairs and got a blowy from a guy. Yeah, it's wild. It's wild in history how homogeneous people used to be. And one group used to just wipe out another group.

And now everyone's just interbreeding and fucking. Let's talk about, for the last part of this podcast, why you're mad and why you haven't cleaned your ass today. Because make no mistake, you were in my apartment earlier with your dog shoes and a dirty ass. And I sprayed Febreze the last time you sat in my beanbag like you were a fucking roach. Yeah, that was gross. I just sprayed you. I treated you like an insect. I come over to your house dirty.

And he gets offended when I spray at him. Well, you should have told me to take off my dog walking shoes. No, I didn't. I forgot. We both forgot. I just went for the floor. It was bad because there was little pieces of mud that were dried up, but they were coming off my sneaker bottom and onto your clean floor. I just want to have a clean apartment because, make no mistake, I'm having my first dinner party tomorrow, and Mateo Lane is going to be the chef, and he's a gay kid.

And after everyone goes home, if we're a little drunk, I'm going to suck his dick. It is what it is. And we're going to record that as a Patreon episode, right? We're going to do it as a Patreon because Mateo Lane, the great Mateo Lane. He just wants to cook for you? Yeah. Because how bad do you think Mateo Lane? First of all, you could go to his Instagram and not know he's a comedian.

Yeah. You could just say, this is a gay porn actor. Yeah, who's fucking got actually the best physique yeah i've ever seen ripped or it's hard for it he's a model i mean he's that good he's a model he's a perfect looking kid and he's purely i mean he's insanely talented he can act he can sing he's jacked he can dance very he can write he's actually in one of the most talented people in our business extremely talented and also just a a guy i like Great fucking kid. I just like that kid. Yeah, and right now he's just a full Hitler mustache.

Yeah. And it's no problem. When a gay guy just does a full Hitler mustache, it's fucking cute. But make no mistake, Christopher. He has jacked his dick to your big butt. You think? Absolutely. I don't know if I'm his type, though, because I'm not ripped.

You know what I mean? He likes a ripped kid. I think he likes a ripped kid, but there are, I think, a couple of gay guys who have kind of told me informally that they jerk off to me. Yeah. Which ones? Kids say their names. Yeah. Not friends, though, right? That would be awkward.

You're not friends. I'm talking about, like, DMs. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's what it is. I'm sure I've been off to you last night. Yeah. And I just hard it and move on.

Yeah. I've had a few guys tell me it's made me uncomfortable yeah it's a little i understand kind of if i was a woman i wouldn't want to hear that right if you're a woman do you want to hear that yeah like i mean well maybe maybe i guess if you if it's somebody who is attractive should we get a woman in here as like a third mic should we have some woman that like we can trust on the pod we're gonna keep bringing people in we're gonna start bringing guests in our first guest is amy schumer and we're gonna we'll get some we'll get some women in here do you yeah we can't because she's pregnant right now oh that's right so she can't yeah who would be a first right out of the gate fucking female guest now there's so many good

ones there's so many funny ones we should get our ex-girlfriends on here i mean i'm just such an ally to women i just think that they're i just just think that they're – I'm with her and they should be just running stuff. Yes. It's just what it is. I just think they can do it better because they're superior. The thing is they're – and think about – the thing is – and I mean this. Think about women, like how great they've been able to do and how far they've been able to come with a smaller brain. And it's just one of those things where it's like –

That's what makes it amazing to me. That's what makes it amazing because their brains are actually – and that's just a fact. They're small. I'm not being disrespectful. It's just a scientific fact. Their brains are small. Why would you even have to bring it up? Yeah.

Why would you even have to qualify that you'd be – we're just talking science here. Yes. They have small heads and small brains. They just have smaller brains and they don't use as much of them. Yeah. Yeah. Because cooking and cleaning and all that. And they're weaker.

So it's amazing how strong they've become considering that they're considerably weaker than men. Right. Like you could easily hurt them. You know, when I say. You have to be real careful around them. You know, it's weird. It's like when I say it, I think the fans like, oh, that's fun and jolly.

But when you say it, it sounds like you mean it. Cause I'm a Greek kid and that's just our culture. It's what it is. You're like, get in the kitchen. Get in the kitchen and stop talking or you will get sick Are there times where you take a shit And it's just a full lemon potato It is there are times like that And also listen the funny thing is Greeks are actually

I think Kind of a little bit of a matriarchy I mean the men are kind of macho macho But the guys are so obsessed with their moms It's a little strange And Jews don't Jews want to get their balls stepped on by women Jews kind of macho macho but the guys are so obsessed with their moms it's a little strange so italians and jews don't jews want to get their ball stepped on by women jews yeah it seems to me the jewish owner of this comedy club certainly does

i grew up with all you you know my best friends you it's it's there's something they respect they put women on a pedestal i think because their mothers are tough and hard and they love their like they will jewish guys will be the toughest in business and with other men and then they will let women just they want to get their ball stumped well like look you're you're like a gay and a transgender in the closet so like you're a little different but like your apartment is such a nice apartment but i'm sure like the woman in your apartment makes it better my apartment i love it but it's barren because a because I need a woman to come in there and just spruce shit up.

I don't know how to spruce, but thank God I have you because you're closer to a woman than anybody I've ever met. Yeah, yeah. Well farts. It's what it is, CWF. I don't know if I could have come up

with a better description of how they sound. Who created Chrissy Well Farts? Do we know? Some kid on the net. We've got to shout him out. Yeah, we'll find his name. Message us. Yeah, but they sound like you're looking down a well,

and you hear someone fart from the bottom. It's just what it is. You know what we should do now, Zach, real quick? What should we do, cuz? Let's make a call. Do we have to call John Sedita because he's 500? Did we say we call them every episode? What do we do?

No, it's once a month, and that's why Chris the Teacher is anxious to get his call ready. No, we called Chris the Teacher. Yeah, now he wants another one because we call him once a month. And who else do we have to call? You know, for him, we could use the Hey Bert time limit for him. Well, no. You know what, Chris the Teacher? We could use the Chris the Teacher time limit.

Well, he doesn't get his call. We could call up the restraining order. No, because Chris the Teacher just came up to me when I was sitting down with Mad Dog last week because he was at somebody's show and he talked to me for 20 minutes about nothing. See, I would have just walked away. Yeah. Because make no mistake, Chris the Teacher was in the studio sniffing your seat. Yeah.

So you got your call for this month. That's right. No, we could call Chris the Teacher. Zach, do any of your friends listen to podcasts? Yeah, I think I told you guys. I was at my studio that I run and some girl who you actually shouted out just randomly. I had nothing to do with it. She just brought up history hyenas.

And I mentioned the fact. I was like, oh, you know the kid on there, Zach? That's me. And she freaked the fuck out. Wow. That's a real story. Yeah. You didn't tell us that.

I didn't tell you guys? It just came out organically I can't remember how Was she a Eh But no Wow He's catching the Chris disease

She is She's a piece Yeah well we just Fucking lost a fan Thank you Zach But she freaked out Like huge fan Yeah

How funny is that I just asked if he was a piece He went eh Eh Yeah you have to just lie No she is She's beautiful She's a piece That's what he meant He went eh She's a piece. He went, eh. Yeah, you have to just lie. No, she is. She's beautiful. She's a piece. That's what he meant. He went, eh, she's a piece. Don't you have a girl now?

Is that why you're being... Nah, man. Before Rome collapsed. Yeah, man. He's like, oh, yeah, by the way, yeah, we got pieces. There are a lot of Foromes that follow us. There's a lot of Foromes. Yeah, and guys, I don't know if you guys saw on our Instagram, well, it's going to be last week now, but we put them up today, Yeah, and guys, I don't know if you guys saw on our Instagram,

well, it's going to be last week now, but we put them up today, but we got the toupee for Hey Bert. I did a video with it and Giannis posted a picture of me with it on,

so the next thing is to have Hey Bert come on with a toupee. I can't wait to see Hey Bert in that toupee. We should probably get two more and have a toupee. Want me to get a couple more?

We'll get a couple more until we try out which one looks the best. Yeah. All right. Who are we calling now? Okay, so I don't think we've called Dr. Harvey Spencer Jr. Oh, yeah. This is a dentist. Oh, he's a dentist.

Yeah. Let's call Dr. Harvey. He's a black kid. Well, Junior is always a black kid. If they junior at the end? Cal Ripken Jr. is not a black kid Well if Junior is always a black kid If they call If they junior at the end It's a black kid Cal Ripken Jr. is not a black kid That's a good point Giannis

But he has a big butt He's got a nice pace He's a pro athlete Cause you hung out with Cal Ripken Jr. I did Now you gotta buy your steps on gifts That's what it is I have to spend $300 on his gift It's what it is I had to spend $300 on his gift

It's just not your kid But it is what it is And I just had to pay my manager $20,000 to do nothing I have a healthy smile Family and cosmetic dentistry I apologize for not being able to accept your phone call at this time But if you would Please call the message after the tone I accept your phone call at this time, but if you would, please leave a message after the tone.

I will return your call at my earliest convenience. If this is, however, a dental emergency, please dial 803-570-2180 to be put in contact directly with someone from our dental team. Thank you and have a blessed day. Thank you and have a blessed day. How you doing, Dr. Harvey Spencer? My name is Gerald. I got your information from my cousin, Geraldine Joseph. And I'm a crystal meth person in recovery.

A crystal meth has taken all my teeth. So he told me I should call you that you was a good dentist and I was supposed to come in. So if you could help me, please, with my teeth, because right now I don't have any fucking teeth. And I also have a big piece because we're the history hyenas. Yeah! Dr. Harvey Spencer, we're leaving you a voicemail, but we'll call you back

because you probably got your hand six feet deep in some lady's throat right now, giving her a root canal, and you're probably, the only thing that she's feeling is your fucking big, beautiful piece on her knee. And you're in the South, so you know you got a lot of guys

coming in, talking like that, and I assume there's a lot of kids who lose their teeth to opiates. Absolutely. It's just what it is. Dr. Harvey Spencer Jr., we're going to call you back. Yeah. All right.

Let's call the next. Who else can we call? Let's make some calls. I'm not calling Chris the teacher again. I won't do it. There's got to be somebody else. Do you want to call John Sedito our $500 pseudo kid? Yeah, yeah.

Let's call him. We don't have his number here. Yeah, well, we got to call him. We don't have his number? No, we got other 25s to get to. He's giving us $500 a month. He didn't give us his number. We got to get his number.

We got to get his number. So we got Chris. Let's call that first cat that we missed. That we missed? Clayton Taylor? Yeah. Yeah, let's call Clayton. No, we called Clayton. Did we speak to Clayton? What about Michael Hyland? Have we gone to Michael Hyland? No, let's call Michael Hyland. That's missed? Clayton Taylor? Yeah. Yeah, let's call Clayton. No, we called Clayton.

Did we speak to Clayton? What about Michael Hyland? Have we gone to Michael Hyland? No, let's call Michael Hyland. That's the first guy, right? Let's call Michael Hyland. Yeah, let's call this piece. No girls at the $25 level.

Guys, if you're not at the $25 level. No, we talked to one. Oh, that's right. She was a piece, too. She was a 23-year-old piece. If you're not on the $25 level, you're missing out on the kamikazes. Yeah, the kamikazes are fucking wild. And you need to listen to them.

It's just basically what we do is one of us just starts recording when the other one doesn't know. People say some wild shit. Now, what's this person's name? Michael Hyland. Yeah, he was the first kid we called, and he wasn't around. I mean... I'll start if you pick up. Yeah, go ahead.

If he doesn't pick up, I'll just leave the voicemail. Skype's got a fun ring. Yeah. It's like a nice beat. Okay, let's see. Okay, prank him. Okay. 3, 4, 7, 7, 2, 8, 5, 1, 6, 8 is not available. At the tone, please record your message. When you've finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options. Hi, Mr. Hyland. This is Detective Gallagher from the Fresno Police Department.

We're calling about a concern that you've been banging out toots in the neighborhood. And your wife called us, your children have called us, is that you just won't stop banging out toots and yelling, you're fucking wild, and your mom's a piece,

at everybody that walks by in your neighborhood. So if you could just give us a call back at 1-800-YOUR-TOOT. That was great. Yeah! He's going to love that. But make no mistake, that kid's never home. And Michael Hyland will not pick up the phone. If you're a $25 member and you don't pick up the phone That was great. Yeah. He's going to love that. But make no mistake, that kid's never home. And Michael Hyland will not pick up the phone. If you're a $25 member and you don't pick up the phone every single time we call you, you're a toot.

You're a fucking toot. All right, let's do one more. Yeah, let's do one more. Because we got to do one more. Should we just get Chris the teacher? Let's just fucking do it. No, I don't want to talk to Chris the teacher right now. I want to talk to somebody else.

Okay, I have that girl from the story I just told. Or we can restart and call Chris the teacher. No, let's call the girl from the story. Let's have that girl from the story I just told, or we can restart and call Chris a teacher. No, let's call the girl from the story. Let's call the girl from the story. Is that the girl you just told us about? Yeah. Okay, she's going to listen. Nels, her name is Nels.

This is going to be the last episode she fucking listens to. Because according to Zach Isis, she's eh. All right, I'll start it then. I know what to do. I know what to do. Don't worry about it. If there's anybody who can finesse a toot it's me

but how arrogant is Zach Isis to call anyone else eh when he's wearing a fucking sweatshirt from Bugle Boy he's a 23 year old kid and he can't afford it what's her name? Nels I mean Nels. Nels. I mean, guys, if you see a number,

it may be the history hyenas. Pick up. Yeah. I mean, Jesus Christ. Nobody picks up the phone. Everyone screens their calls. I know. I mean, what the hell?

Yeah, you would pick up. Hey, this is Nels. Can you pick up the phone? I'll try to call you back after you leave the message. Thanks. Bye. Okay. Disconnect.

Press 1. If you still want to leave a message for this person, press 3 or simply stay on the line. At the tone, please record your message. When you have finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options. Hey, Nels. This is Chris DiStefano from the History Hyenas and Giannis Pappas. And I just wanted to tell you that you are an absolute fucking piece.

I'm talking about certified USDA approved Peace And you probably didn't pick up the phone Because you're just out pushing Slapping guys away because you just are an absolute Peace And if I didn't have full blown active chlamydia Right now I would try to go on a date With you but I'm dripping That's right it's actually legally

Not safe for you to go on a date With Chrissy but I will take some Antibiotics and want to take you out on a date because you're a He will clean up with some pills and take you for a cupcake. You're a penicillin piece. We love you. We'll call you back. We'll try to call you back.

But you didn't pick up the phone. You screened the phone call. You thought we were telemarketers. But it was actually the history hyenas. And that was a Franks and Beans thing you just did. Yeah. So please pick up the goddamn phone. Do you guys want to try to call Chris?

Yeah, let's just do it. Now, if he doesn't pick up the phone, then it's an issue. Are you kidding me? What are the chances he doesn't pick up? I'm going to guess second ring. I'm going to go three rings. He's going to immediately pick up the phone. He's going to take time away from trying to lure in a 16-year-old girl into his classroom and pick up the phone for us.

Chris. Oh, God. I just don't know what to Weijianjing anymore. Weijianjing it. What does he teach, by the way? History.gene anymore way jean-gene it what does he teach by the way history toots one ring two rings here we go our call has been let's just say you don't get another chance that's it yeah you want to start yeah yeah he's

gonna fucking i'm gonna let this rip yeah one He's going to fucking, I'm going to let this rip now. One is not available. This guy fucking treated us like a toot. At the tone, please record your message. Two voicemail. When you finish recording, you may hang up or press one for more options. Chris the Teacher, it's your favorite two cute kids over at the History Hyenas podcast. You're listening to this right now in your voicemail and also on the episode and probably outside Chrissy's door. Yeah, make no mistake.

You sent us to voicemail because you're probably demonstrating wrestling moves on an 11-year-old boy. Listen, we're not calling you back. This was your one call. This was your one chance, you fucking toot. That was a Franks and Beans thing you did, sending us the voicemail. And I heard a rumor that you were considering joining the Medici pseudo-tit level. Wow! Put your fucking money where

your mouth is, because you're gonna be weird anyway! And I'm just cordially inviting you to my house for Christmas dinner! Yeah, you can end that. Yeah, so it's just, we tried to call people. I think we got everybody, though. Is there any more? There's two more.

Let's do them. Let's just do them. And by the way, right on the Patreon, go to patreon.com slash bayridgeboys and join the Patreon. If you're not a part of the Patreon and part of the matriarchy, part of the matrion, then send us a DM or send us an email and comment on if you like the rawness of this podcast we're just you know a lot of other podcasts would just edit this in but we just

want you to fucking hear just what's happening there's it's just raw unedited footage yeah we um who's this by the way we don't hold back at all especially clayton taylor okay we spoke to him already right no not this month okay let's do it let's check it out in a truck last time yeah let's check it with Clayton. this is a truck driver. Yeah. So how many 25 members we have now? We have one more after this.

Yeah, and that, so that, so we only have a couple $25 a month members. Exclusive club. I like that. We got a lot of tensies. He leaks Clayton Taylor.

Wow. I'll call you back. Let me do a prank on him. At the tone, please record your message. When you finish recording, you may hang message. I'll call you back. Let me do a prank on him. At the tone, please record your message. When you finish recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options. How you doing, Clayton? Listen, man, it's Charles.

I think you're out there trucking, brother. You're not supposed to be out. It's not your shift. It was supposed to go to Jenkins, man. All right? Boss is real mad at you right now. I don't know if you're across state lines in Pennsylvania or whatever, but

I'm here and I'm fucking your wife. Yeah. Stay on the road, baby, cause she's a piece. This is History Hyenas. It's Yanni P and Chrissy fucking D. Yeah, I'm sorry.

I didn't say anything. I was texting a toot Yeah we'll call you back Love you brother thanks for your support Okay We've got uh Carolyn Caroline McNamara Wow let's call her up

Let's just whisper to her Carolyn Who's this now? Carolyn what? Oh this is the one we talked to her We talked to her Carolyn Who's this now? Carolyn Carolyn what? What's her name? Oh this is the one We talked to her McNamara

We talked to her last minute Carolyn McNamara Yeah so we're gonna check in with her again this month Yeah We're just knocking them all out right now We'll just make this a little bit of a longer cast Well we're already at 57 minutes Yeah but a lot of it is spent dialing on Skype

That girl Nell just emailed me by the way Oh connecting What'd Nell just emailed me. Oh, connecting. What did Nell say? To try and call her back. She picks up and pretend to be pleased. I mean... Like, literally... Why, they just do not care about us.

No, nobody cares. This is seven in a row. Yeah, and you know what? She would recognize the number because we called her before. Yeah. And her dad listens to the podcast, too. Yeah.

Go ahead, please. Huh? No. Let's just be quick. Or should I do it? Let's just make pranks when people don't pick up. How you doing, Carolyn? This is John Fogarty over at the police department.

We got a couple of complaints that you were being a 100% piece, and this town can't handle pieces, okay? You're causing an outcry out there because all the guys are going crazy. So you got to tone down the peaceness. You got to tone it down. This is Detective Figueroa. And yeah, I'm his partner. And the reason being is we're getting complaints about guys' glue guns going off prematurely every time you walk by because you're a piece. So just for the safety of the neighborhood, we can't have unauthorized glue guns going

off. Unfortunately, we're going to have to convince you to convert to Islam so you can cover up because you're too much of a piece. Yeah, and then we'll do our best to protect you from jihad with a body, but we don't know because anytime that guy throws on a sweatshirt from Voight, it's fucking something special. All right, so we'll call Nels back. Yeah. You want to call her back?

Yeah, I mean, we might as well just get it on. Yeah, this is just a... I hope that these people don't think it's a boring podcast. So we've hit everybody, though. All right, let's just call Nels. Who's Nels? Let's dial Nels. Who's Nels?

The one we just called. The one that... From the story. Oh, she said call back? Yeah, the one that we just have to message. She told us she was... So how do you know? Oh, because you know her?

She emailed me. She sent a... Oh, okay, cool. Okay, cool. Let's call her back. Oh, because you know her? She emailed me. Oh, okay, cool.

Okay, cool. Let's call her back. If Nell doesn't pick up again, I'm going to get her to pick up. Hello? Hello? Hi. Wow.

Nell. Nell, we heard from Jihadi that you are an absolute pig. Pig. Oh, my God. I'm so excited right now. This is crazy. Where do you live? First of all, where do you live? That's the first question.

Second question, why are you anywhere where Zach Isis is? Are you practicing Islam? I'm from Jackson Heights, Queens, actually. I know Zach through mutual friends. That's crazy. I didn't even know it was him when I was listening to the podcast. I found this out recently. I'm completely freaked out.

That's the story I just told. Yeah, that's the story you just told. Did Zach often, when you knew him, wear sweatshirts from Walmart? I mean, he has a cheap sweatshirt on right now. Would Zach go when you guys, would he be jacked one week and then just a slob the next week? Is that how it would work with Zach? I think so, yes. Have you ever heard him rap?

Yes, I have. He's excellent. No, I've seen him live and everything. Yeah, like, he's great. He said you're a piece. He said you're a piece. So no matter what you, that's what he meant. Piece, like, he's great. He said you're a piece. He said you're a piece. So no matter what you think, that's what he meant. Piece, piece, piece.

Now, yeah, we actually played his song just a couple minutes ago on here. And the only thing is, do you have any tips for us? Because he's actually pretty good, but we don't want him to succeed because we need him here. So how can we stifle his career? Good question. I honestly have no idea. But I think what would work is, like, you promise him a lot of shit.

Homeland Security. You got it. I'll let them know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just lie to him constantly. Just offer him, yeah, immunity. Yeah, yeah. That's what we do.

Just keep saying you're getting the tape to Sway. Yeah. Like, every week be like, Sway really likes it. He just says he can't do it right now, but next week he's going to. Yeah, just keep it going until we blast off. Just keep him every week. Yeah, Sway likes it. He's real busy.

And then we'll decapitate him for the fans. Yeah, that's what we're going to do. Do. So what are you doing? What's your goals? Tell us your goals. Are you in school? Do you work?

What do you do? Yeah. And then you need to tell us whether you think the Russians colluded in the election. And also between, also we have two, I want to know what you do for school or work. And out of Giannis, me, or Zach, who has the worst fumes? All right. So for school, I'm an art history major. I'm finishing up my last semester.

It's a useless degree, but I work. But you're not a useless eater. You're not a useless eater. And with an art history degree, you can do a semester in Italy and have an Italian boyfriend for a couple months, which is a very. You get banged out. Yeah, that's a white girl thing to do. So now I know you're a white girl. a very... Get banged out. Yeah.

That's a white girl thing to do. So now I know you're a white girl. Unfortunately, I have a boyfriend from Staten Island, so... Wow! How you doing, D'Amico Coffee Company? Yeah. Is he an Italian kid? Nah, he's

half Pakistani and half Eastern. Wow, your dad hates you! Ways on Shia! Ways on Shia! Yo, that's wild! What are you? What's your ethnic background? I'm Polish.

I love that. That's a great story. See, that's what I'm talking about. We have people from all walks of life listening to this. Yeah, my daughter's godfather's Polish, so Jesz. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

He's a good-looking kid, but he does look like a colorized World War II fellow. Yeah, he's got a 1939 Nazi face. Yeah, it's just what it is. Exactly what you're talking about. It is what it is. Yes, exactly. So, alright. In terms of who has the worst

fumes, I would have to say Chris DiStefano. What? Has the worst fumes? You are astute. I would give you an A in art history and also fumology. No, she said I have the worst fumes. Exactly. But I thought I had no fumes.

No, you got fumes. No way, because I'm a German kid and we are fumeless because we're the chosen race. Yeah, but also chlamydia smells. I don't have chlamydia. I was kidding, but I do have an itch in my urethra. Yeah, no, Chrissy's got fumes. No. Because she just told you that her boyfriend is half Pakistani, half, what was it?

How do you get through those fumes? So, of course, she's going to think jihadi because we're both Turkish kids. No, her boyfriend's got to have a sweet piece of no fumes or else why would you pay a toll to get that dick? Exactly. You got to pay a toll every time you cross the Arizona Bridge on Staten Island. How long have you been dating him? Five months now. Wow. That's a couple hundred dollars in toll fees.

You don't even measure it by time. You just measure it by how many tolls you paid. Yeah. Thank you for your service to the city. Thank you for your service. And we would appreciate you maybe making us some clump keys and sending them to the studio. Yeah, some pierogi. I got you guys.

Ooh, pierogis are the best. I love pierogis. Pierogis. Well, thank you so much, Nell. We really appreciate your support and your dedication to the matriarchy. Is there anything you want to ask us? To put you on the spot? No, but I do just want to say, Chris,

the first time I ever actually heard about you, I saw you at the Gotham Comedy Club and have been a fan ever since. So this phone call right now, you guys, literally is the highlight of this year for me. Well, thank you so much. I totes my goats preach, and I actually will be at Gotham Comedy Club

this Friday and Saturday, and we'll give you two tickets if you want to come with your pakistani boyfriend oh my god yeah i have two shows friday two i have one show friday two saturday i'm gonna leave it the only way to retrieve it i'm gonna leave it out i'm gonna leave it under the pole and the pakistani thank you so much for being a fan and thank you so much for being a fan And thank you so much for being a $25 Member On our Patreon

We really appreciate it Thank you so much It means everything to us Thank you guys Thank you Thanks Zach Alright bye bye Gotcha

Yeah Peace out Yeah You're just gonna have to Fix you Saying she's You're just gonna have to fix that Cackle that too Yeah You're just going to have to fix you saying she's eh. You're just going to have to fix that. Just cackle that too. Yeah.

Because you have to cackle in 13 minutes. Yeah. You remembered the time code. Yeah. You remember? Yeah. Well, I mean, you kind of jumped up like as if I committed a big offense. Well, yeah.

That one needs a cackle. But I was kidding though. Yeah. But I mean, if let's say, yeah, that, you know, people in. But I was kidding, though. Yeah, but I mean, if, let's say, yeah, people in that area listening, you know, it's what it is. That one needs to get cackled. Yeah, so you still haven't talked about what your matter

or why you don't have a clean ass today. I don't even remember because, you know, I have such a good time with you and with Jihadi when this thing starts that I don't even remember why I'm frustrated. I don't even remember. It's family stuff. It's just a stressful time right now. It's the Christmas season. I'm getting married in a couple months.

I have to get tuxedo measurements for everyone, and it's really making me angry. I'm not allowed. You're not allowed to wear the tuxedo you own. We all have to fucking pay money to get matching tuxedos. I feel like I am easy because I'll just coordinate. You're not easy. Your waist is 38. Well, I got a fat waist, but I'm saying it's easy.

You're going to have to go to the big and tall store. But Chad the Jew and Marco the Serb, how are you going to coordinate with these guys to get – First of all, Marco the Serb is 10 feet tall. He's Montenegrin. And Chad the Jew's – a fire hydrant is taller than him. He's not that, he's 5'9". Yeah, so.

5'10", 5'9". So Chet the Jew will just go to fucking Baby Gap and get his tux. And Marco the Serb will just have to go to fucking big and tall. And I'm just going to go

to Lane Bryant. No, you got to go to Big Boys. Yeah. Well, Lane Bryant's an oversized women's clothing store. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah. I never even heard of it.

I go in there and I try on the clothes and feel good. You know, I never understood is? Yeah. I never even heard of it. I go in there and I try on the clothes and feel good. You know, I never understood the struggle of that until you put me onto that. I didn't believe it. I always thought stores had 38s and stuff. But you often do go into stores and they don't have your size. If I can get to a 36 waist, then I have almost no problem.

You'll never get to a 36. No, I can't. I've already lost four pounds. Yeah, but it's not. It's not. It's the way your body's shaped. Yeah. It's because you're not a big kid.

The 38 waist is not explained by looking at you because you always have it covered because you're insecure. But when you lift up your shirt and you see how wide the load that you're carrying is, that's just the shape of you. You're shaped like a pear. And it's not as sexy. You've got a Chris Scopo ass. I have a – no, Scopo's worse than me. Do you got a chris scopo ass i have a no scopo is worse than me do i have lunch lady back catcher ass you have a wide ass it looks like you just have a wide ass and it's just what it is yeah you just look like a big girl yeah but do but do toots

think i'm cute though still yeah toots think you're cute yeah yeah you as you can see you're kind of like a i think you're uh the best example of a optical illusion right you know you're like um the toots go in once twice and then you take your shirt off when you're getting on and then the tit drops down and points down like an anteater looking for ants and then they're out they just didn't expect that yeah and then and then i because i always notice you don't take your shoes your socks and shoes off no No. I notice anytime I bang out. Yeah. I always bang out in my boots like a black porno star. Like a Jodeci video.

Yeah. I, um, I, anytime I bang out a toot, I always notice I maybe get one more bang and then they just will stop calling me. Yeah. That's what I was about to say. It's like, you're the type of guy where the toots, first of all, they're not all toots. What's a toot? Toot doesn't have any meaning anymore.

So the toots, the toots. Did I pull out the wires? Did I pull out the audio? Because my big boot just got stuck in the wires. Okay. I love the two Chrissies

that you've become. Yeah. The two Chrissies in your outfits are hilarious. I've either... You're either like, you're like, you dress like just

a black kid going to a Kanye concert with a hockey jersey and matching sneakers. Right. Or you've just become a freaking bar owner in Greenpoint. It's what it is. Make no mistake, this is a purple and black blazer with a hoodie on from Urban Outfitter. Yes, and then you wear boots. I wore my Wolverine boots yeah you wear and then the other days you just got a jordan's and a rangers jersey but today because i knew you were a little upset i met you at annapolis diner on third avenue with a toupee on and it was very funny and i didn't tell you but yeah girls

and our waitress was franks and beans she was franks and beans yeah but yeah you you do one two dates and then they they stop responding to you yeah but it's because – I've never had anyone tell me I have fumes. But I think it's because I'm a letdown when I take off my shirt and when they understand that I just don't care. I think it's just – yeah. I don't think so because I don't think girls care about that. You know what I think it is? I think you are your head and everything. You're just a female fantasy.

So yeah, but maybe girls, the reality never matches up because you're just a little Franks and Beats. Yeah, because they'll be like, oh, let, you know, like, they'll be like, oh, you know, like, maybe their fantasy is for me to, like,

take them out to dinner and then, like, take them to a movie and get banged out. But, like, you know, instead of, like, going to dinner, I'll be like, can we just do it at my house? Because, you know,

I have a spot in 13 minutes. I have a spot, and then they walk in, I'm biting my toenails, and then they're like, let's put on a scary movie. I'm like, I can't watch scary movies because i'm afraid of the dark and then like let's bang out and i just put them three pumps on i just put a condom on and then i

get them in uber and that's just what it is it's just what it is because i'm like i have to go do a spot and then i'll walk out and i'll get an uber and they'll watch me leave and then i'll tell the uber to go around the block and i'll go back into my bed and go under the covers and watch history documentaries because how open and honest you are on this podcast is what the people love but make no mistake there's gonna be a cost to doing business which in that car it's gonna be a few toots i lose a few toots but then how i get the money back is through a few bros but you know what listen this is gonna be good for you because essentially i was always wondering how's chrissy D ever going to find love, right?

Right. Because so many toots are into Chrissy D. Right. It's going to have to be with a guy, right? You're a funny kid. You're a handsome kid. You're a smart kid. You're a wild kid.

With no fumes. And you got no fumes, but you do got broken feet. Yeah. But that aside, I always wondered, how's Chrissy D going to find love with so many options of toots? So what you're essentially doing is narrowing down the amount of toots who are going to be interested in you. Yeah. Because that's the only way they're going to stop DMing you. Yeah.

Is if they think you got chlamydia and you got broken feet and a strange dick. Yeah. But make no mistake, if you're still- So the ones who are into you now are going to really like you for you. Yeah. Which is a kid who's scared to sleep alone, a kid who's got broken feet, a weird tit, and a large ass. It's what it is. That hit me in such a fucking deep, funny spot. It's what it is.

Cuz, this podcast is too long. We've got to go. They hit me hard, cuz. Follow us on Instagram I'm at Go to Patreon.com It's time for us to sign off

I wanna fucking ស្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ Bye.