History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 50 - Cleopatra was WILD!!!

Episode Date: January 20, 2019

In our second week of Queen month we cover Cleopatra and her wild ways! WILD!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️����🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up, cuzzy wuzzies? You're listening to the Bay Ridge Boys, History Hyenas. Bad. What's up, History Hyena fans? This is another episode. As if you didn't already know I'm telling you like I'm your dad like I'm your teacher

like I'm an unwanted voice in your head because you already know you're not fucking stupid this is another episode of History Hyenas and it's just two trans kids and we're talking history and google it yourself asshole nothing makes me feel better than just tucking my dick back and looking're talking history and google it yourself asshole nothing makes me feel better

than just tucking my dick back and looking at some history videos yeah that's what i like to do and the audio is off again yes the audio off again because the podcast sounds like shit last time it sounded like you were in a kitchen pot emma is it off zach uh it feels okay because it's i feel like there's an echo. Is there an echo? It sounds like you're a robot. I don't know. It doesn't matter, because let's be honest, we're leaving the studio. We're taking Zach with us, and we're out of here.

It's what it is. We're going to go to a place that actually has a future. We're going to take Zach with us, but we're going to make no mistake. We're going to not allow Zach to rap ever again. Yeah. And anytime the audio doesn't sound good, we're going to start incorporating Chinese sweatshop torture. Yeah. I'm Chris DiStefano.

We're going to put pig on his plate because he's a Muslim. I'm Chris DiStefano, a.k.a. Chrissy Coito and Giannis. And I'm with me as my co-host always, Giannis Pappapappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappappapp Yeah. I came up to go on history tours and to also make Sergio feel uncomfortable the first night. Yeah. Because Chris started making videos saying the history hyenas are in Rhode Island. Yeah. And he's just sitting there going, yo, pa.

Yo. Am I supposed to go up after Giannis? So he just pretended like he was sick and went home, even though he definitely could have performed. And then I did the same thing yesterday. We were just all lying to each other. Yeah, because you were hanging over your head yeah

that's what it is I don't know cuz I feel like you know it's one of those we're both kind of you don't feel like anything cause you don't feel I don't feel we got lingering head colds cuz Sergio so went on the road with Sergio comedy connection which was great thank you

guys all there was a bunch of history fans who came to the Saturday night show at the Comedy Connection in Providence. And thank you guys so much for coming, showing the support. Thank you, everybody who's been retweeting. I got a comedy special coming out. This is for the Patreon members. Go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys because you'll get this Thursday, maybe. Because by the time this podcast comes out to the

toots, it'll be Sunday. But a comedy special size 38 waist Friday, January 18th, Comedy Central. Nobody's gonna watch it. So just DVR it and get it on ComedyCentral.com or the app. And yeah.

Listen, all you gotta do is put a little effort in, DVR it, go to their app, you know, take your fingers and scrape whatever scums on your lip and smell it overly. You're fucking gross. Gross. Because you know what? Sergio said a funny thing about you today. He said, Giannis is a handsome kid that has ugly days.

He said he has ugly days, pa. He said sometimes he'd be Coming out with his hair combed And other days he'd be Coming with his hair whacked With his belly out Yeah And it's such a true thing You're a handsome kid

With ugly days Yeah You're having a handsome day today Yeah Even though you're just In a sweatshirt throwing You're just a handsome kid You know what it is?

Yeah If I don't wash my hair My hair looks thin and stringy Right There's something about like Pantene Promoted That makes my hair look full Like stringy. There's something about Pantene, promoted, that makes my hair look full

like a Charlie's Angel in the 70s. You're a handsome kid, and you're one of those guys, as you're getting older, you're getting more handsome. You were very handsome. Here's how I could describe you. You were a very handsome kid in your teenage and early college years. Those pictures show me. But then in your 20s and 30s, you just look like a fat lesbian.

And now you're just back to being a handsome guy that is probably, I mean, sucked to the point where you're going to have to bat women off you. Yeah. I mean, I'm just a handsome silver fox. Yeah. Your wedding photos, you're going to look good. You look good in your tux. You look jacked.

Yeah. You look jacked in your tux. Because we just all have different peaks, and my peak is going to come in my 50s. Yeah. Whereas you right now, there's no oxygen where you are because you're at the peak of your mountain. You're losing your hair.

No. Sergio said another thing. I like when you have an insecure spot because it doesn't happen often. It doesn't happen often. Yeah, you're not a fun hang. Sergio said that because you're a guy. You're like one of the guys but you're annoying because we'll be talking about fun things and then you'll just tell us like a parent all the things that are wrong with it like what like look at this girl and you'll be like yeah but what about this happens

what about that would like certainly like let's do some cocaine and you're like you know but what about this you're gonna die pop and then you say little funny words like pop and things to try to fit with us but you're fucking annoying excuse me for wanting to keep my fucking stupid friends alive because make no mistake you guys are hulk smash fucking stupid yeah sergio's constantly trying to distract himself from the fact that he wants to do a lot and you just want to die inside a tube yeah yeah i'm not a fun hang i remember there's a story Of high school Where we all got high And I started like Philosophizing

And talking about death Jesse tells a story Great We're sitting by the park Gotta get Jesse on Everyone's having a great time And then I just start Getting too deep

And everyone just sort of Stumbled off Cause we were all on mushrooms Whoa And I made people like Have nightmares Yeah Cause I started talking about death

And hey man we're mortal Shit like that You're a very smart intuitive kid. You're very smart And it's to the it's it's it's so I think the positives way outweigh the negatives with how smart your brain is It's just sometimes it's not fun You know sometimes like guys just want to be guys and be like look at this look at that and not have to deal with Like our like a mom like figure telling us how wrong everything is. Yeah, I i mean you know it's just people like me that just keep this place standing up yeah and keep the weights in control we need you as a heater yeah because i did no research on clear

patra but that's who we're going to talk about today because make no mistake it's fucking woman's month because but yeah it is woman's month delilah should open every podcast she should yeah but that would be asking zach isis to remember another thing, and that would be risky. We just want to make sure he tries to get the podcast up sometime in the week of Thursday. Yeah, I'm just happy that Zach is wearing a different sweatshirt for the first time since last spring. But he did, make no mistake, spend his money wisely on finger tattoos. Yeah, that was smart. That's a good idea because you never know when a girl's going to be like, I like you.

You can really rap. Listen, you got a lot of bars. Yeah, I live over there. I'm over there, but I'm living in Bayside, too. You know, my boys, too. My brother also rap. He got a mixtape. But listen, you know, your bars are all right.

But oh, shit shit i didn't really like you till i saw your words on your fucking index finger yeah you got your hat over yeah your earphones here's the deal we're a history hyena podcast basically we go into some history stuff and then we just want you to fucking google yeah whenever i learn about something new like that's what it's about that's the error we live in with the internet is that now you get you you get your interest piqued by something and then you go and follow up like we were in providence this weekend we learned about the brown family john brown who brown university is named after who's brown university named after him his family but I thought it was named after specifically his son. Was it actually John

Brown? That's the thing. We're gonna do an episode on it. Oh, not yet, because it's Women's Week. It's Women's Month. But listen, it's herstory. It's herstory, and it's women's year. This is the year of the women. And like Natalie Portman said, sarcastically, when they were about to read

the nominees at the Golden Globes, she said, here are your all-male nominees. Yeah, guess what, Natalie Portman said, sarcastically, when they were about to read the Normanese at the Golden Globes, she said, here are your all-male nominees. Yeah, guess what, Natalie Portman? Your father's also a man, and his dick made you. So pay some respect to the pieces that make people. Yeah, and just let's be honest. You haven't put out a good movie in a while. You haven't, but you're a papa. Peace.

Papa, papa, papa, papa, papa. Papa, her peas. Papa, papa, papa, papa, but you're a papa. Peace. Peace. Because we should just go into a place where there's a lot of hot girls and just have pretend machine guns and just go pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa and my fiance's listening to this right now, this is what I do as a career, so get off my back. Yeah. I'm going to say peace once in a while. I don't mean it. Because you're wedding's six weeks away,

and I'm going to be honest with you, me and a lot of your close friends have a pool that's going to get called off. And I hope it does, because I got $3,000 riding on there. Because we had a good time in Providence. We really did, man. I enjoyed it. I wish I would have gotten a chance to blow that dude from Houston who came to the show

and flew out and is now in love with you. Yeah. And you're trying to get him off your back because he's becoming a stalker. Yes. All in a load. It's what it is. The cigar bar we went to was fucking Providence. I didn't realize what a kind of, not, I mean, it was physically cold,

but the people there are just, you know, it's just, they're very truthful people. I like it. Like you, you know, we went to your ex-girlfriend's husband's cigar bar in Providence and it was fantastic. And I remember we were sitting down, you said to the waitress,

you were like, oh, I actually know the owner here. And she said, good for you. I said, yeah, I'm, I actually know the owner here. And she said, good for you. I said, yeah, I'm friends with Megan and Michael Shine. She said, oh, good for you. Yeah. Yeah. That's the attitude of New England people. They're just assholes.

Right. The stereotype assholes exist for a reason. Right. They just kind of like have this kind of like surly, kind of can't be bothered. Right. Too cool for school. Right.

They're not sensitive you know you just want to walk in there and say listen We're from New York City. Yeah, so we're here to give you some tourist dollars Yeah, so you see that this bars empty yeah, yeah, maybe if you weren't such a fucking bitch Yeah, there'd be more people you're giving you more tips Yeah, there is a reason why you're 40 pounds overweight and you still live in fucking Providence,

which is like living in the D League of the NBA. Good call. Yeah. That's what it is. It's what it is. It's like I used to call

Canada Practice America. Yeah, it's what it is. It's what it is. Yeah. It's like the YMCA of America. Yeah. You go there to work

on your jump shop before you become the fucking best white basketball player in Division 15 history. Chrissy D. Yeah. Yeah, so it was a good time. I mean, you know, there's a lot of history there.

I got to be honest, there's a lot of history there, but I thought there'd be more in Providence. Let's be honest. It was too cold. Yeah. What was it, like 15 degrees? Yeah. Tell them the story about me bombing in the elevator in front of the Chargers who got their fucking asses handed to them yesterday because they didn't let them.

Oops. We were staying at the Omni Hotel, which is where the Chargers were staying. The LA Chargers, yeah. They stay in Providence because it's closer to Foxborough. Yeah. So you tried the first time. We were in an elevator with, it looked like one of the coaches, Wasp Weitz. She was the definition. that was Wasp energy.

Okay. Remember that woman that was in there? Yes. She's from Arizona or somewhere – Kansas or she could be even a southern bail wasp like from Alabama. Right. Nate's wife has that kind of like regal kind of like – they can't help it. Like I'm better than you. She looks, it's like a, when she walked in the elevator, she was drinking coffee, was

early. Me and Chris and Sergio, Puerto Rican. So she got nauseous. I mean, you could see she had a look. Did you see that look? Like she had a look like something smells. Yeah. And then you started talking.

Which, yeah. And it was before 10 a.m. and she was drinking her coffee. So it was like she was. loud yeah you were talking loud and you also you i mean you just sound like a kid who's there who was just riding down in an elevator that was stopped because you were repairing the ceiling of it that's what you that's what you sound like yeah yeah and so you started trying to make jokes and she was just like yeah, yeah. You saw her. She was like, yeah. And you were like, all right, good luck. You tried to make a joke, and she was like, okay, great. She's just like passive aggressive.

She didn't listen to a word I said. She was waiting for that elevator door to open. She got off the wrong floor probably just to get away from me. Just to get away from you, yeah. Yeah. So that was the first time. You were like a little Franks and Beans kid excited that the Chargers were there. I was excited that the Chargers were there, yeah.

You saw the head coach, and you were like, you just went Franks and Beans for the kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were like, he's a good coach. I called it. The Chargers are going to win. I thought I was at my brother's school. And then they lost by 30. Because you can't get excited around football players when you have a winter hat with a

fucking pom-pom on it because you look special. Yeah, I don't. Let's be honest with each other. I don't have a good hat head. No, if you cover your hair, you look Franks and Beans. Because make no mistake, you were probably wearing a like, I don't remember, but was it like a Debbie Gibson sweatshirt? Yeah, something.

Probably. A Whitney Houston t-shirt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So who knows what you got? You always got like Marshall workout sneakers on. Yeah.

You're a little disrespectful sometimes. Yeah. Look at these. I'm wearing the Chicago Bulls Derrick Rose sneakers today. I mean. These are wild, right? Can you see them on the camera? Yeah. I mean, look at these. I'm wearing the Chicago Bulls' Derrick Rose sneakers today. Yeah, I mean... These are wild, right? Can you see them on the camera? Yeah. They're wild! You're wearing sneakers that when I was a kid and I used to go to the basketball courts to play, there would be

some black neighborhood kids wearing those and jean shorts. Yeah! That's what it is. And they'd smell like weed and they'd have 19 abs. Yes. And dreads. And they could play ball, though, right? Because black kids have 19 ab muscles. Yeah, they got too many abs. Too many abs. Yeah. So you're a little disrespectful sometimes, right? Because black kids have 19 ab muscles. Yeah, they got too many abs. Too many abs.

Yeah. So you're a little disrespectful sometimes. Yeah, I'm a little disrespectful, yeah. But then, yeah, so then we were in the elevator with a few of the actual Chargers players and Chris C.D., this was really, it was actually one of my favorite moments maybe of 2019. Just because you tell the story, but I was thinking about this. For comedians, for comedians, perfectly. I don't think any comedians, because we see jokes all the time,

and every time we see something that's funny that the public sees, we're dissecting it, like, why is it funny? Why didn't I think of that? But farts, farts, and seeing other comedians bomb are the only things that get a guttural laugh from a comic. Am I right on that? You are 100%. Yeah.

I mean, that's not— It's a guttural laugh. 100. Yeah. Watching a comedian struggle— When you know he's a funny comic. Yeah. So let me qualify that.

That's a good call. Watching a bad comic bomb— It hurts. It hurts. It's like, yeah yeah You just get annoyed Unless the comic is so bad That the bombs are funny Like when a comic is so bad It's kind of like a

Yeah Like Not like a comic who thinks he's good Like he just knows he sucks Yeah like Frank Gallo used to be like I always used to say I wanted to do a Frank Gallo special Yeah

For comedians Yeah Because it was just so, it was queasy how he had pictures and laminates and his jokes were like there was a burglar holding a clock and he was like, somebody breaks into your house.

And he had a Jersey accent. And then the next picture would be a dildo. And it's like, the alarm clock! And it would bomb! It would bomb, but the comedians would be fucking rolling in the back of the aisle. I mean, he had this whole pussy lips bit. Yeah. Where he would pretend like Dumbo.

He would fly away with the pussy lips. Like. Yeah. And he would do an act out of flying away in big pussy lips. Yeah. And I mean, it was. Is there anything, Frank, can we post a Frank Gallo clip on the Patreon? I can have him on the cast and have him do the jokes.

Yeah, he'll do it. I don't think there's anywhere you could find him because nobody would ever tape that. Yeah. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys if you want to hear an episode with Frank Gallo bombing. Yeah, we'll actually get Frank Gallo. That's a Patreon app. That's not for the free. That's not for the free.

No, it's too good. That's too good. So to piggyback off what Chrissy said, it's good comics or comics like that. Good. Yeah. Very fair. So yeah, when you watch what Chrissy said, it's good comics or comics like that. Good. Yeah. Very fair. So when you watch a funny comic struggle, there's nothing. It's funny to your friends. To the friends, it's like.

Right. It's a funny thing. When you hear a guy go like, okay, or like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you ever hear like a, yeah, or that usually works, it's just hilarious. Yeah. Colin Quinn.

Colin Quinn will sometimes like, he'll be working on a new joke and and it won't get a laugh, and he'll go, anyway. It's great. And the comedians die laughing. Yeah, it's always funny. So Chrissy was in the elevator, and you took a swing. With four defensive linemen. Those guys were the linemen. Dude, I cannot believe how big they are.

Huge. I mean, until you see football players in person when you're standing on the same level as them, these guys are like 6'4", 6'5", and like two or three of people in one. Yeah, and it's no body fat. These guys are muscle. Defensive linemen are muscle. They're just huge. I imagine that's what Roman soldiers probably look like compared to like, because there

was no football back then, it was like those were the gladiators. Yeah, yeah, that's what they look like, yeah. So it's like being in the hotel with gladiators and it's me Sergio and Chrissy and then so that we're waiting in the elevator and Chrissy goes again he tries again and goes charges gonna win it all baby and he's bopping around like he always does like he's listening to the national anthem before his st. Joe's games yeah he's just bopping back and forth trying to find something to get the heart rate up and

he goes for it yeah and he goes he goes, if you want, guys, before big game tomorrow, you can come over to the Comedy Connection. We're comedians. I got a lot of Tom Brady jokes. And the look of disgust on – because I had the vantage point where I could see the guy's face. You were behind him. Yeah, because his back was too big. I was just talking to somebody's head. Because you made him angry.

Yeah. You actually made him angry. Right. That you – like, it was like noise in the elevator. And he was like, come on, man. Like, he just wanted to be in the angry. Yeah. You actually made him angry. Right. That you, like, it was like noise in the elevator. And he was like, come on, man. Like, he just wanted to be in the elevator. Yeah. And then you heard the silence of it.

Our floor came. And you were like, excuse me, pardon me. And you walked out. And me and Sergio, when we walked out, we're going, yo! Yo, you bombed! You bombed! And then you go, yeah, that's why I'm ahead of you in your careers. And I looked at your face and it was beet red.

And you got so angry, you lashed out at us. Yeah. Because you were hurt. Which is not characteristic. And it's not characteristic of you. And it's something, it was so funny. And then also, it was me not being self-aware. Because the reason why, number one, it wasn't that funny when I said number two, I never

addressed that I was even talking to them. They potentially thought I was talking to you guys. And number three, the most important one, is they're in New England. So a guy that looks like me, they don't know I'm from New York. They just hear my accent. They're like, this is another Patriots fan who's going to say something stupid. They're shitting on us from the moment we get off the plane. So anytime, they're probably like, anytime I see a white guy, I just don't want him to talk.

Because there's no way, unless he's wearing Chargers gear, you know? And even then, they're probably like, he's some fan that's coming across the country. They're annoying. It'd be like, you know, it's like when comedy fans are, it's like I was Chris the teacher. Yeah. That's what it was. Pretty much. I was Chris the teacher to them.

Yes. Yeah. You were Chrissy Hulk smash to him. Yeah, it was Chrissy Hulk smash. But Chris the teacher is a super fan that we love. We love, yeah. In quotes. I love that we always say it and then he

gets mad and then he just keeps giving us his money. And that's what we need. Yeah, I can only imagine football players probably get the most annoyed by football fans of all the sports. Probably because football fans are just beer drinking, kind of fat kids. Racist.

Racist. Usually racist. Football is such a drunk drinking sport that all the stadiums have courts in the stadiums to process people who get arrested tailgating. Yeah. I mean, people tailgate. That's a good point. Yeah.

People tailgate. So you can imagine. Not as bad as soccer fans, though, right? I think soccer fans may be the worst. Most annoying. Yeah. Most annoying. Go look at my joke.

It's just posted on the Instagram about soccer. And that's- Illegally. Illegally. Not like it matters at all. Doesn't matter. Nobody cares. Yeah.

It's a good call. And so he probably was thinking that same thing. Like another, you look like one too. You look like a guy. I agree. You should have started being like, yo, fam. At one point, it was me, JJ Redick. I'm wet.

You should have told him first, I'm wet. I'm wet. I'm the type of kid you try to jump when I shoot. My rotation finger might fall on your bottom lip. I'm just kind of a wet kid from Brooklyn. Yeah, I'm not from I'm not a patron Yeah, you should just introduce yourself. I'm Christian Cackles from Comedy Central. Yeah, yeah, I'm essential deal. Yeah Yeah, oh no, I should when they got in the elevator, you know what? I really should have dinner should be like yo, I'm Andrew Schultz from guy code Yeah, like fragrance. Oh, what? Yeah, Charlamagne is woke. Yo, I should have said,

I'm Andrew Schultz from Flagrant 2. And they would have been like, oh shit, what's up, All-Andy? All-Right Andy? All-Right Andy? Yeah. Because All-Right Andy

is a funny nickname for Andrew Schultz, but somebody call me Ku Klux Krisi. I think Ku Klux Krisi is funnier. Our fans are number, by the way, you guys are number fucking one. If you're listening to the podcast for the first time,

go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys and join up on the matriarchy. Because our... I don't know any... Look at the comments and the community board on our Patreon versus anybody else's. They're 10 out of 10. Because...

Did you hear what he just said? A fan came up with Clue Clucks Chrissy. Yeah. We were... That's 10 out of 10. We died for 10 minutes listening to that. And Chrissy Wellfarts. Somebody coined Chrissy Well. Yeah. That's 10 out of 10. We died for 10 minutes listening to that. Yeah, and Chrissy Wellfarts. Somebody coined Chrissy Wellfarts.

There's a bunch of them. Yeah, there's a bunch. It's all fans coming up with the stuff that we're just stealing. Yeah, it's what it is. Jihadi with a body? That was another fan. Yeah, I stole it. And then I sent it on Comedy Central and passed it off like it was mine.

Yeah, and also Greek with a physique? That was also. Yeah, it was hilarious. Yeah, and Fox News Freddy? Yeah, triple. How about Turk Tingles? Yeah, Turk Tingles. We've News Freddy? Yeah, triple. How about Turk Tingles? Yeah, Turk Tingles. We've had a lot of good ones.

Yeah. So listen, if you're not joined the matriarchy, you've got to go to patreon.com slash payridgeboys. At this point, there's so many episodes. If you're a history hyenas fan. Yeah, what number are we up to? What are we up to, Zach? I think we're about to hit 50. Oh, so we've got to do something big for 50, no? So that means there's 50 concomitant bonus episodes that you can only access by becoming

a member of the Patreon. Yeah, I'm trying. And if you're a $10 member or a $25 member, then you get even more episodes. So there's a bunch of bonus. And they're all 46. We're at number 46. And according to a lot of our non-toots, some of our best episodes are on our Patreon page. Really?

Yes. Better than the freebies. Yes. People say the New Year's bonus, there's a few that people are saying are like the best episodes. What did we say on the New Year's bonus? Is that when I went wild? Yeah, that could have been when you went wild.

Yeah. The interview one, too. The interview one. Oh, that one people are saying. People like that? No, people love it. That was last week's where Chrissy took an actual interview call from some journalist or whatever podcast, whatever the guy was. He's promoting his special right now, so he's doing Around the Press.

His special, again, airs this Friday. 11 p.m. January 18th, 630 at Wee's. That's 11 p.m. Eastern. Eastern. And it'll be on ComedyCentral.com and the Comedy Central app if you don't have Comedy Central or if you missed it. But it's also, if you want to spend a night in, just gather a couple toots. Yeah.

Get in your apartment. If you're high heat, make it a, listen, if you're high heat fans, make some videos. Yeah. We want to see it. Yeah. So if you're watching fucking Big Buck Chris. Yeah. This weekend, Friday at 11. Okay. Gather up your fucking toots. Yeah. We want to see it. Yeah. So if you're watching fucking Big Butt Chris. Yeah. This weekend, Friday at 11.

Okay? Gather up your fucking toots. Yeah. All right? And sit in your living room and make a fucking video for us to watch. We want to see you guys having a Chrissy D Big Butt comedy party. Yeah. And the video that is the best, whatever video I feel is the best, I'm going to send a picture

of my butt to you. Yeah. If you're a woman, I'm going to ask you first. If you're a guy, I'm just going to send it. Well, here it is. This is for the Patreon members because they're the only ones who are going to get this in time. So to our non-toots, whoever gives us the best Chrissy D. Big Butt comedy

party video, when we burn Zach Isis on the stakes, we'll give you a slice of his ass! Yeah! Fucking... Yeah! Earn Zach Isis on the stakes? Yeah. We'll give you a slice of his ass. Yeah. Fucking. I'm all up for it.

Yeah. Cuz. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I had a fucking good time. Everything is going good. Yeah.

I just, I just, this is one of these days I don't want to be here. Cuz you never want to be here. No, last week I wanted to be here cuz I had a lot of notes on Mary Queen of Scots, and I really enjoyed it. So whose fault's that? Well, it's my fault, but it's also Sergio's fault. It's also Sergio's fault because he was late for boxing, and last night I just got tired because of the recruit. And I just have to go to L.A. later, and it's a beautiful part of our job. And if you would have told me 10 years ago, this is what you get to do, I would say, yes, amazing. But it's a lot. Then our job and if you have told me 10 years ago this is what you get to do i would say yes amazing but i've just it's a lot it's it's a lot then i have to go on the cruise i mean i just got a lot of things coming up which is great but it's just it's the

only thing that gives me anxiety lately because my anxiety's been almost at zero but with the traveling in this it just makes me upset yeah but it's just a right now because you're special first of all the trip to la is going to be very fruitful. Yeah, because we're doing podcasts. I'm doing Bert Kreischer's podcast, Theo Vaughn's podcast, Dr. Drew's podcast. Yeah, so go. Big parties. Listen, look out for those because Chris is going to be on those.

And then the cruise, which I did last year, you're just going to, there'll be comics you'll have fun with. Yeah. And Patty Flyballs might die on the cruise. He might. He might fall overboard, right? Yeah, he might go over on the cruise. So that will be a story that will shoot us to number one. Yeah.

So sometimes you've sacrifice You're a kid who's a good kid who knows how to sacrifice his health For the fun of the people You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get Patty Fly Balls drunk Or he'll just get himself drunk and then he mumbles so much I'm gonna do a Patreon with Patty Fly Balls And our Patreon members will guess what he's actually saying Cause you won't be able to understand them First of all that's a great idea

Cause he just mumbles Can you text that to him to remind him of that? To do Paddy Fly Ball's drunk Patreon? Drunk Patreon where you try to guess what he says. Also, another video I'm requesting is when you guys are both hammered because you're definitely going to have a few bros. Yeah. You're going to have a few bros. Yeah.

Because there's nothing else to do. Yeah. I want you guys to go to the front of the boat. Yeah. And make a Titanic video with Paddy Fly Balls. Yeah. I want you to get behind him and say you're the king of the world and make a Titanic video with Paddy Flyballs. Yeah. I want you to get behind him and say you're the king of the world

with your trash bag accent and that'll also be available on Patreon. Only patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys for the non-toots. If you're not on Patreon, you're a toot and your mom's a toot.

Now, we are in History Hyena Women's Month. Yeah, I'm fucking happy to be a part of Women's Month. Yeah, me too. Yeah. It feels appropriate. I can't tell you how many times a week and it's just been increasing as i get older i just want to clit yeah well sometimes you say that you do you keep your dicks off and you just rub the head like a clit right well that's how i masturbate i don't i don't

jerk i don't jerk it up and down like a normal guy. I lay my penis against my stomach, and then I rub the base of my penis, and I slowly massage the head as if it's my clit, and then I shoot glue into my belly button. Because every time you go off on one of these crazy tangents, we lose three blackheads. Yes, it's just what it is. Harvey Spencer Jr.'s friends just turned it off. They turned it off. Because am I saying his name wrong? I call him Lee Harvey Oswald.

I call him Lee Harvey Oswald all the time. But it's Harvey Spencer Jr. Harvey Spencer Jr., what's the safest way to whiten your teeth? Let's be honest. Most successful black guys are either a junior or the third. Is that true? Because I think if you have a black kid and you want him to be successful, you're right. Throw a junior on there.

You got to throw a junior or the third. Because that's fucking hilarious. It's just what it is. Ken Griffey Jr. Ken Griffey Jr. Martin Luther King Jr. Harvey Spencer Jr. Todd Robinson III.

The third. George Foreman III. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. It Robinson III. The third. George Foreman III. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. It's just what it is. Michael Jordan IV. The fourth.

Yeah. Absolutely. Well, wasn't his father named Michael Jordan? Yes. So Michael Jordan Jr. It's what it is. You stumbled onto something there. Yeah, thank you.

Obama doesn't count because he's not all black. He's so weak! And that's a sign to get him elected! Kidding! Wei Shanshan! Wei Shanshan! Wei Shanshan! I'm just fucking kidding. That's our first Wei Shanshan. Wow, 28 minutes in without a Wei Shanshan. That's the record. And it's not like Zach

missed one. I haven't said anything wild. Yeah, that's the Klux Chrissy record right there. Yeah, 28 minutes. I'm getting better. Can we keep track of that? Because that is the record. I'm positive 28's the record. The next time we do it, we're going to keep trying from here on in to see how long we can go without a Wei Zhong Xin. One time we'll do a full episode and see if Chrissy can go without one Wei Zhong Xin.

Not going to happen. It's not going to happen. But 28 minutes is a pretty good feat. Yeah now we are sorry Savannah. Just sent me the patreon shoutouts. Thanks for sending it Lee So stick around for the patreon shoutouts at the end of the episode, but we are gonna be talking about Cleopatra in our Herstory history hyenas women's month We're celebrating women we're celebrating Herstory History Hyenas Women's Month. Herstory.

We're celebrating women. We're celebrating femininity. I love it. Now, she was an inbred woman. Like most. And she married her brother. That I know. This was the part of-

Well, let's say when she was born, like 30, she was like 30 to 60 BC she lived. Yeah. She lived like right before Jesus. Right before JC. Right. Right before your Lord and Savior. Jesus Christ. Came, yeah.

Yeah. I might be going back to Catholicism, but that's another episode. Why, what's going on? I just might be going back. I thought you never left, though. No, I never left. All of my tattoos, yeah,

my tattoos always keep me there. But I might just start going back to church. Yeah? You feel like you need it a little bit, right? Yeah, just, you know, just whatever. Because you're not here for a long time. I'm here for a good time. That's what it is.

Yeah. Yeah. You're Frank Sabine's kid. Yeah. You're a kid who's being tugged in two directions. Right. You're ripping yourself apart. Right.

You are in your own medieval tortured device. Yeah. Where you have strapped your own right leg and right arm to this. Yeah. And then, which is the Catholicism, and then you got your other leg and arm strapped to fucking Cupcake City. Cupcake. My right and left arm are attached to Catholicism and doing the right thing, and my left side

is attached to cupcakes and my baby mama. And you just rip yourself apart, and it's a tug of war with yourself, and it's a lot of fun to watch. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, it makes great entertainment. Yeah, but my blood pressure is too high. Yeah. So is my cholesterol.

Yeah. Well, but that's how you like to live this life. It's what it is. Yeah. Part of that is, you got to admit, you like to run around. Yeah. You're a kid who likes to run around. I like to run around.

Yeah. Like, I'm landing tonight at 11 o'clock, and I have toots waiting. Yeah, exactly. So you make it a little bit more stressful, because then you got to entertain the toots if you don't like to. You're just dealing with a lot of people. It's what it is. Yeah.

So you got to set alarms to remember to get to those toots. That was hilarious that you set an alarm to remind yourself to say thank you for Providence this weekend, because that's what I do. I don't really care about anyone. I just set alarms to remember so they feel important, but I don't care. Yeah. And Giannis knows.

Giannis is the only one who's ever seen my mask. Giannis sees it off. No, he sees it on too. You see it on and off. You know when it's off. Yeah, but you know what? A guy like you is like, you don't care. You don't care, but you're a good time.

Right. So it's like you're not out there dumping chemicals into the Hudson River. No. You know? No. I don't want to hurt anybody. No, you don't want to hurt anybody. You're a kid who likes to feed.

Yeah. You got to feed yourself. Yeah. So it's what it is. Yeah, because, and I think what I said earlier, and Sergio laughed at it again this morning and thought it was pretty funny because it's true. When you wake up in the morning, you look like your eyeballs switch places. You look like you have to shake your head and your right has to go left and left has

to go right. Yeah. Because your eyes just are backwards. They're backwards, yeah. Before you have coffee and put your glasses on. Yeah. I left my watch in the hotel room because- Get a $1,000 watch.

Because my eyes were on backwards. Yeah, because your eyes were on backwards. Yeah. Yeah. I left my watch in the hotel room because... Get a thousand dollar watch. Because my eyes were on backwards. Yeah, because your eyes were on backwards. Yeah. Yeah. So Cleopatra... No, no. Cleopatra was an interesting character in history. Yeah. She's famous. Beyond famous. She's beyond famous and she's... She might be the famous woman

of all time. She is, but like my point I was listening, I was learning about this, thinking about like, what was the point? She died at 39 years old. Killed herself. With Mark Anthony. Yeah, they both killed themselves because they knew, much like Hitler and the rest of those guys,

they knew that the law was coming down on them. Hitler and Eva Braun. Yeah, so they knew that they were about to get fucking conquered. Yes. And the gig was up. Yeah, because Octavian. Yeah. He would conquer them.

That I know. He was coming back to get them. Yeah. So when you watch Game of Thrones, it's basically based on just that time period. Yes. Where there was just power struggles constantly. Right. And there was just people going back and forth and borders changing constantly,

where kingdoms were at war, kingdoms were uniting. We were more like animals back then because it was all about preserving this bloodline. We were so Franks and Beans back then, we didn't know that marrying your brother and your sister isn't going to produce strong progeny. But they didn't understand that.

They didn't understand that because maybe they were looking at the hyenas. And what they would do is they would kill, a lot of times they would kill their sister, their brother, because their sister, their brother, or even sometimes their son or daughter or niece or nephew was a threat to their throne. Much like you see in hyenas and lions and all types of predators. That heart-wrenching video we watched one day where even Giannis, who's a cold-blooded reptile snake and has no emotions, even he was getting uncomfortable. When we watched that zebra be impregnated, she was pregnant. And then in the course of the pregnancy, the dominant male who impregnated her

either was killed or left the tribe. And there was a new male there. And he waited until that baby came right out and then stomped it to death. Yeah, because. As soon as it hit the ground. It's amazing that he knew instinctually that that was the offspring of his former rival. Yeah. And that that was a threat to him somehow.

Yeah. And that's basically what human history has been. You know, it's like up until recently, up until like the Greeks. God bless Greeks. God bless the Greeks. Invented democracy in the Republic and things like that. The Greeks are number one. I said it to you in Providence.

I'll say it again. The thing with the Greeks is without them, we don't have a civilization. We just don't. But nobody cares about them in America. That's very funny when you said that. It's just what it is. It's good that you remembered that because that was 10 out of 10 funny. 10 out of 10 funny.

It's just people just care about Italians and Irish, and we pretty much did nothing. Nobody's coming to a Greek parade, but the St. Paddy's Day parade is back. It's true. What is that? I don't know because you guys did the most for anybody, but we just don't care about your heritage. Yeah. What is that? I don't know.

Maybe it's because you guys look too much like Middle Easterns. Wei Shanshan. Wei Shanshan. I mean,xian. Wei Shunxian. I mean, you are. Yeah, you gotta, come on. Because if you don't give me Wei Shunxian right away, it sounds like I'm serious. You gotta do the Wei Shunxian right away. Yeah, he was basically saying we get shunned because we look browner.

Yeah. No, that's the problem with Apu. Go ahead. Yeah. So you're right, though. That's a very astute observation. I've had good observations today. The Greek thing and then the black people having to be junior or the third because you're amazing to me

Because I know how impatient you are Yeah And how like even when things going good and we're having a great flow and having a great episode how you? Want to hurt it somehow because you want to be like this is not exciting enough. This is not exciting enough Yeah, so it's amazing me that you could even remember that with the 500 things in your brain right now Yeah, you have ten alarms to text, 10 toots, 10 members of the industry, 10 friends to make you think you care about them. Then there's like two or three friends you actually want to contact. Then you're going to have a whole thread from HeyBert who's going to ask you about how to hang posters.

And then you still got to go to L.A. You want to see your daughter. Your baby mama is texting you right now yelling at you. And your mom wants you to go back to church. And you remember that. And I still got to take my baby's mama's mama, my kid's grandma, to go get Vienna sausages from the bodega. Because she can't walk on her own. Yeah, because she hurt her knee and she needs to go get the baby.

B-A-B-I. Yeah, it's true. I'm down at the P-R-P-E-E-R. We're just having fun. We're just having fun. All right, yeah. Cleopatra was the son, was the daughter. First of all, Cleopatra was the name of Alexander the Great's sister.

Oh, okay. I didn't know that, because we thought Cleopatra and Alexander the Great bang the Great's sister. Oh, okay. I didn't know that because we thought Cleopatra and Alexander the Great banged out, but they did not. She was after Alexander the Great. So she was the last of the Ptolemy. What are they called? The Ptolemaic. Yeah. The Ptolemaic dynasty in Alexandria, which was the Greek influence that was founded by the Macedonian Greeks

that were led by Alexander the Great and his father, Philip II of Macedonia. We're Greek people. We're number one, baby. So let's hear. So we conquer the world, baby. So after Alexander the Great died, they say he died from some disease, but we knew it was fucking AIDS because he was banging dudes.

Dudes. He was banging dudes. He was, right? He probably just got a lot of puss. Because he was kind of like Tim Dillon. His room was probably gross. It was probably gross, but he had really smart ideas. He did, and he was a cute fucking kid.

But he's going to die of AIDS, just like Tim. And he did kill his best friend when they got hammered one night. It's just what's gonna happen when Patty Flyballs throws your sneakers out the window. Yeah. He treated his friend, whatever his name was, like fucking Nike sneakers in Vegas. Yeah, he threw his sneakers out the window and then hurled a racial slur at him.

It's what it is. It's just what it is. It's just what it is. It just happens. Listen, the FDNY, when they come into your house, you know, it's just they probably are hurling racial slurs, but they will put out the fires. Yeah, they will put the fires. And yeah, it's just on the truck ride back, they're going to talk about whose house they were just in. Yeah, it's just what it is.

It's just what it is. Okay. So it was founded by, Ptolemy was one of Alexander's generals one of the successors there was a big power struggle between all the generals because Alexander did not announce his successor which is a problem yeah and so

Alexandria which was named after Alexander and that reign was a couple like 275 years she was the last one she was the last one she was the last and that's and that's impressive because Alex

that's how that's how amazing Alexander the Great was he was a Greek kid that got a bunch of Sandys to name a city after him yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but is it true? are we gonna need

cackles on that one? you think we'll need some cackles on that one? Let me get five Weishangxings, and I'm going to do four more. Yeah. Yeah. One more. And then our father of hell and grace, mother, were you there when she sacrificed you, Jesus? No, were you there when they crucified my lord?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm just trying to erase the Sandra D. Can you just call him Sandra D's? Sandra D's. Look at me. I'm Sandy D. Cause I sing that song to myself. I tuck myself back and I sing

Sandy D in the shower. Cause I'm a kid who has a loofah. Cause we're having too good a time on this podcast. We're going to get a complaint for Holly Caradabola. Yeah. Cuz- I'm just not going to apologize. I'm going to say, eat it, you fucking fat fuck.

You wanted to say Sandra Dee. Sandra Dee. Cuz, Colin, Zach Isis' people, Sandra Dees. Yeah. It's maybe a funny thing. It's a funny thing. Yeah, from the movie Grease. And it's a fun, safe thing to say. Is he a Sandra D?

He's a Sandra D, and we could say it in public, and nobody's going to know. Like, my friend. Oh, God. Yes. Oh, God, I'm fucking dying here. Yeah. Yeah, let's get through Alexander the Great, because. oh god yes oh god I'm fucking dying here yeah yeah let's get through Alexander the Great

cause yeah we're not this is supposed this is not this is not comedy in 2019 oh yeah I'm sorry let's talk about

what a fucking piece of shit Alexander the Great was yeah and how he's he's just another classic example of the patriarchy

and what's wrong with it and let's just have a fucking moment of silence for Ruth Bader Ginsburg even though she's still alive but she looks like she died 10 years ago. Okay, here we go into our progressive segment of the history hyenas. Yeah.

Here it goes. Listen, Cleopatra, yeah, she was the ruler but guess what? She was only allowed to rule if there was a male ruler with her. So she was forced to marry her brother, who was like 10 years old, because that's the way the fucking patriarchy existed back then. Yeah. Watch Broad City Tuesday nights. Yeah.

Which is actually true. She had to marry her brother. And his name was Ptolemy. All her brothers were named Ptolemy. And she had some other sisters. Much like Jesus had brothers, because Mary got fucked a few times. I'm going to kill you. Yeah, Mary had dicks inside her pussy. That's why I'm going to church.

And Jesus had a brother named James who was born because Joseph's dick, he had a nice fucking piece. And they rubbed muffs, because make no mistake, back then, nobody had a shaved down bush. So everyone had fuel. I'm going to call in. It is what it is. Did Mary have? Don't fucking say it. She did not.

She has no fuel. He synced perfectly. That was wild. I mean, that was wild. That's because the divine mother, Mary's energy ran through me. Because your mother cannot listen to this podcast because she's going to develop an arrhythmia. Yeah. She will develop an arrhythmia early.

Yeah, she can't do it. This is not part of the podcast. Please don't be listening, Mrs. DiStefano. Yeah, and Eileen can listen if she wants to on the neutral staircase only. That's the only place we have Wi-Fi. Because how many times did you put on your, I picture you as a kid who was wearing, let's say, you were on a budget. Your family was on a budget.

We were on a budget. Yeah, we couldn't just do whatever we want. That's why most of our vacations would be to Hershey Park because we could drive there. So when you sat down on the neutral staircase to put your jacket on in the winter to go to Catholic school, yeah There were some shoes down there waiting for you on the neutral staircase always That's why I left my shoes on my jacket on the on the banister So you were you were a neutral territory and you're just slipping on your shoes to go to Catholic school, right? So and what are those shoes penny loafers those shoes were?

No, they weren't penny We would have to buy them from a Catholic school store That was in the neighborhood all the Catholic schools had to buy their uniforms from the same store, okay? So I buy them there when they were laced up shoes though Yeah, and did they have a bump on the top because you got a broken feet Yeah, they were usually you have to cut a hole in the front give my toes a little air So if I saw those shoes just laying by the staircase, I would think they were either yours or Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're kind of molded differently because the theater shoes just laying by the staircase, I would think they were either yours or Nicky Clay's. Yeah. Because they're kind of molded differently because the feet are jacked up.

Yeah. That's what it is. So Cleopatra was an interesting... She was not as much of a piece as Hollywood has depicted her as. Are you sure about that?

That's what they say. Did she have fumes? I mean- She had to, right? Beauty's in the eye of the beholder, but supposedly it was her guile, it was her personality, it was her charisma that- That made her hotter. Yeah.

By the way, Julius Caesar was 52 at the time, and she was 21, and he banged her out, and they had a kid called Caesarian, which means Little Caesar or Pizza Pizza. Yeah, or Pizza Pizza. and they had a kid called cesarean which means little caesar or pizza pizza yeah or pizza pizza and and because let's be honest i've been in this situation because she was just a young toot not weed he said it wasn't his kid because we may be the best history podcast because that was 10 out of 10 and it's true though but that he he did not not not the white part i was obviously just kidding about that i mean the part that caesar really claimed that he did not that was not an heir to his throne he said that is not my child he did not believe it yeah and well he was doing that a lot for political reasons

because there was this tug of war going on you know he ends up getting killed caesar yeah you know by a couple of fucking backstabbing dudes. Yeah, fucking Brutus, you're a fucking rat fuck. Because I had a Caesar haircut most of my life. It's what you and Heybert are going to do to me one day. We're going to be walking around, and I'm going to be fucking yelling stuff, and you guys and Heybert's just going to, you're going to have Heybert as your robot, and he's just going to fucking stick me up and say, I'm sick of you holding me down!

Yeah, that's what it's gonna be! It's what's gonna happen. Yeah. So they killed him. Gloobert's gonna kill me one day. Yeah, Gloobert's still mad at you. Yeah, Gloobert's mad. I was in the middle of a fucking Gloobert-Yana Civil War last week and I hated it. It was really a waste of your time. It was a waste of my time because at the end

of the day, like always, Glooper is just going to come crawling back because he doesn't have a spine. I'm kidding, Glooper. You know we fucking love you. I was just kidding. Yannis was a fucking asshole and you know I'm on your side. I phrased things wrong and I apologize. I have to remember to be a little

kinder and also not to offer advice when people don't ask. It's true. I'm right, but I'm not going to get into that. That's what Gloobert's doing. No, I'm just kidding. Gloobert, aka James Madden, aka Mad Dog Madden, is fucking crushing it in his career. Lives on his own. He's the third Bay Ridge boy and is a dear, dear

friend of ours and we love him so fucking much. He's such a great guy and he's so funny. You actually helped me see that. It's like, look, you just can't some people, like you just, you know, sometimes I don't adapt the way I operate to who I'm around. Right. If I can say anything around you, you just kind of

got to fix it. You don't care. I was coached a lot. You know, my mom wasn't a toot. I didn't like make it out of like Las Vegas. Like none of his friends even made it out of Las Vegas. And not only to overcome his mom being a toot, his dad being an unknown, his grandmother being Hitler Youth in Las Vegas. He came all the way across the country, made a career and a name for himself and now lives alone in Bay Ridge. And it's just at the top of his game killing.

I didn't have really any of those problems. I had a fucking Catholic mom. I had Aunt Eileen. My dad stole my money, but it's what it is. And I just, you know, I didn't really have to go too far. We're on the free episode. It's what it is.

And I just, that's the only thing, really only thing I had to overcome. So it's fine. If you guys don't- Bloomberg did well. If you don't understand, you guys are experiencing just a treat that is Chrissy.

Right. Chrissy just, he's not like the rest of us where we all have insecurities and hangups. Chrissy, Chrissy is green light. I'm green light, oh. Chrissy, you know when that light turns green? Every time you're sitting in your car and you see that light turn green. Yeah. I want you to see Chrissy's face.

Because that green light right there is a picture of Chrissy Cackles. Because you're green like go. I'm green like go, and you guys, and what Giannis means you're only getting a taste is because I go wild

and I say whatever I want on this podcast, but if you guys join patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys, it gets fucking wild. There's no way Sean Sheehan button for the Patreon members. No.

If this is, let's say, PG-13, that's NC-17 or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Back to Cleopatra. Because Hollywood makes it seem like she was just a fucking hot piece. Supposedly, she wasn't. Supposedly, when she did stay in Caesar's villa, when she came to Rome, she was there with Cicero,

the great Roman senator who recorded a lot of this history for us. And he said she was arrogant and he didn't like her. Really? Yeah. So maybe he, because he's one of the major accounts of her, maybe he just didn't like her. So maybe she was. She had to be somewhat of a fucking piece. She had to be.

Why did the simulators make video cameras so long to invent like what do you that must have been on purpose like did Cleopatra ever really exist

because there's really no proof she ever existed somebody could have just started writing stories when they got paper and a pen and it could all be lies well the thing is

like there's there's like I think busts of her there's like marble busts of certain people right there's no question that I think busts of her. There's, like, marble busts of certain people. Right. There's no question that a lot of this stuff is game of telephone off. There's no question.

Right. I mean, even when you look at, let's look at the story of Jesus, which is, like, an obvious. Be careful. Myth that was adopted from the Egyptian. Getting mad. Rulers, the thing about Cleopatra that really is interesting is it brings, her story brings to light how, because she was a great ruler. Right. She ruled during a time where-

She kept the peace, right? Yeah. She did a good job because, listen, Egypt, that area, especially back then, Alexandria and Egypt, much like Egypt in its glory days, in its heyday, it ate off the flooding of the Nile River. So during her reign, the Nile River wasn't that flooded, so they had to—she kind of developed a welfare system so her people could eat. Really? Yeah, so she was kind of like the FDR of her time. Really? Yeah.

She developed like she was an early proponent of welfare? Kind of something like that. Interesting. An ancient form of that to sort of redistribute the food, you know, because that's just the thing. Fucking these utopian libertarians or communists or socialists, they don't take into account the gray zone where we live. If you're a gray zone adult, you're going to like this podcast. First of all we go fucking wild second of all we're just kind of living in a gray zone where we understand

you can't erase you can't evaporate context from your argument right like if cleopatra adopted a laissez-faire capitalist system during that time there would have been a revolt and she would have died because their their food was based on the flooding of a river that didn't really happen during her reign. It was the environment. You know, you got to adapt to the times and the context. And it always vacillates. And I think the reason why we have a problem now is like you always say is because the times now are people have everything and anything they've ever wanted. So they're bored.

But like anything else, it's still a problem to deal with because now we're just battling our minds. Before, it was like you're battling real elements, real things, the Nile not flooding. Now you're battling Louis C.K. Yeah. So we're talking about the reign from 305 to 30 B.C. That is the Ptolemaic kingdom

and the last dynasty of ancient Egypt that had ties to you know it was basically a Greek it was a Macedonian founded kingdom the rulers were because by the time Jesus came along Egypt was they were in the past it was all about Rome

yeah Ptolemy Soter he was one of Alexander's general that kind of started that fucking dynasty. Right. And it only lasted 275 years, and she was the last one. Right. And she was, she spoke Greek. Cleopatra spoke Greek. She also learned Egyptian, because they were rulers of that area.

Wait a minute, Cleopatra wasn't native Egyptian? No. Where was she born? She was the progeny of this white conquering, you know, white, Macedonian. I mean, her skin was lighter. She was Greek. She was Greek. She spoke Greek.

She spoke, I think they call it Koinic, K-O-I-N-I-C. So she wasn't Egyptian by blood at all. Her people were, but she wasn't. Exactly. Oh, I didn't know that. Her people were, but she wasn't. Exactly. Oh, I didn't know that. See, you learn shit on the history. Yeah, the Egyptians accepted the Ptolemies, which were descendants of this general, as the new pharaohs of Egypt, because that's what they were used to.

And let's be honest, the people are franks and beans. Right. So they just accepted it. You create a religion. Like I was about to say, the story of Jesus is based on the story of ISIS and Osiris and the three days and all that shit, the sun. It's all stories that are retold to keep the people in order. Because part of ruling is making your people happy and keeping the peace, using them for war, battling for resources.

The people at the top create the story. Right. And you need people at the top create the story. Right. And you need people at the top because people are Franks of fame. Yeah. So she did a good job of that in a lot of ways. And she ended up, she got famous for banging out Julius Caesar. Right. And Mark Anthony.

Mark Anthony was Julius Caesar's closest advisor. Yeah. After Julius Caesar got fucking whacked. Yeah. How would Caesar got fucking whacked. Yeah. How would they call it? Yo, if you were doing a song, son, you would say, my peoples ain't eating right now. But yo, when we blow, we all going to eat. Yeah, I mean, Julius Caesar was around the way.

He caught a bullet. He caught lead. Yeah, I mean. That's how Zach Isis would say it. If he made a song called Julius Caesar, he would be like, yo, Julius Caesar's up on St. Nick in four. Call some lead, and it's what it is. Shout out to the hyenas. My boy Chrissy cackles and he want Yanni P.

I had to keep going because my peoples need to eat. We breaking bread. We got tattoo fingers. Woo! Fire! Guys, can you do a rap? A history hyena rap? Zach?

For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Like, write a song about me and Chrissy in? Zach? For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Like, write a song about me and Chrissy in this podcast. That would be funny. And then Luke will make the beat. And then, yeah, or you can make the beat because... For sure.

Lord knows you're in the studio enough. Yeah. Right? You're only not in the studio when you've got to get the Patreon up. So she, yeah. So, you know, you go back and you read about that period. It's like there was this constant war to control certain areas. There was a civil war in Rome.

What's her name? Cleopatra. She ended up siding with Mark Antony. Mark Antony? Yeah, she was just a maneuverer. You can go Google it yourself. with with Mark with Mark Antony with Mark Antony yeah she was just a maneuverer she would you can go

Google it yourself but the main the main gist of it is Cleopatra Cleopatra made a lot of savvy maneuvers right

in holding power and being an effective efficacious ruler right and she banged out two famous dudes and then eventually

when the wall started closing in on her she fucking killed herself with Mark Antony. Yeah, she did just the same thing like Adolph did. She had twins with Mark Antony. Yeah, probably cute kids too, right? Yeah, they were cute kids. I can't believe Cleopatra wasn't a piece. I'm going to keep her as a piece in my head.

That's what they say. But you can't prove it, I guess, right? You can't prove it, but that's what they say. That's the consensus amongst the historians and americans have that image of her as a piece in their head because of hollywood right so they're saying hollywood hollywood is kind of what created what created that um that image of her and i mean you know a lot of stories have been told about her too. Because a lot of stuff wasn't known about her early life. I know.

We really only know about Cleopatra in her 20s and then she died in her late 30s. So really- Yeah, the Cleopatra that we know really is just a few years of history on her because nobody knows what she was doing when she was a child. She was like, it wasn't recorded.

Yeah, and I think a lot of it is because so much of her story has been fictionalized. Right, you don't know what's the truth. Yeah, and I think a lot of it is because so much of her story has been fictionalized. Right, you don't know what's the truth. Yeah, and even going back to art, Baroque art, and the Renaissance, and in paintings, and even Shakespeare. Shakespeare's play Anthony and Cleopatra in 1608. You know, operas. Handel wrote an opera about her in 1724. So her story's been fictionalized.

She's a myth. She's almost, when people like Othello, like stories, Henry VIII, it's like if you become, like for example, let's think about an American movie, like Raging Bull. Then you're like, oh, you start to know that about that guy. You start to think Jake LaMotta was like that. It's like it becomes a little fictionalized. But it probably wasn't like that. Yeah, like we're not really like this.

We don't walk around all day saying pieces, but we do. Yeah, we're living myths. Yeah, then Hollywood made a movie, Cleopatra in 63. What's her name played it, right? Didn't the piece who used to hang around with Michael Jackson and act weird. Audrey Hepburn? No, the other one played Cleopatra. She was a piece back then.

Famous chick. And the movie was called Cleopatra? It was called Cleopatra, yeah. Was it a whack movie? No, it was like one of the most famous. Elizabeth Taylor. Yeah. Cleopatra is ancient Greek.

Wow, could you imagine if Elizabeth Taylor played Cleopatra today? Like a young, that would never happen You're not going to get a white woman Oh, but she was wing Oh, but Cleopatra was wing She was wing Yeah, she was kind of wing And her name meant glory of her father

And it was actually, like I said, it was Alexander's sister's name was Cleopatra So it was Greek for glory of her father. She likes you. Yeah. And that's her, that's basically her story, man. She, you know, she, there's a, part of the reason

why they don't think she was that much of a piece is they finally found a coin. Right. A drachma, which actually was what the Greeks called their money up until the Euro. Back then, she had drachmas in Alexandria, and her face was on the coin, and on the coin, she's not that much of a piece. But I don't think you can go on that.

But some people do go on that. And if you look at that coin, you can Google it, she doesn't look like a piece. She's got a real wild nose. Let me see it. Just Google it. Google it. Or Zach, pull it up.

Can we pull it up? I want to see it. I want to see if she's a piece. I want to see if I can still swim through. So she ruled Egypt and other territories as an absolute fucking ruler, dude. She was like a dictator. She was the lawgiver of her kingdom she was the religious authority whatever the fuck that meant at the time um

she uh there was a synagogue for the jews in in egypt she even uh built the caesararium of alexandria dedicated to the cult worship of her uh patron lover, Julius Caesar. So, she was a hands-on freaking ruler of Alexandria. And it's what it is. It's just what it is. It's what it is. Yeah, so thank you guys so much for listening to the fucking matriarchy.

It's Women's Month. We appreciate it. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys if you want to be a full non-toot because right now if you're not a part of the Patreon you just are a toot. And when you look in the mirror you're just going to see toot-like behaviors

because you're a toot. So we do have and we do have our newest members of the matriarchy that we'd like to read out. That's what we do. If you join our matriarchy we read your name out loud on the podcast

and Janus Kucky Pappas tries to guess the ethnicity. So here we're going to start off with Ready, Jan? Yeah. Newest member of the matriarchy, Jan Beaner with an average wiener, Ochoa. We got ourselves a Mexican kid? Mexican.

Yeah, and he's got an average piece. Tony DeMille. Tony DeMille, let me ask you something. Ma! Ma! Yeah. Adam AlkKithari. Adam Al-Kithari. Yeah, that's tough.

First name, we're going to go... Yes. Yes. Adam is definitely a Jewish name. Right. But I've met Al-Kithari. It's also a Christian name. Al-Kithari? Yeah. Oh, boy. This is the first Jewish name. Right. But I've met Al-Kithari. It's also a Christian name. Al-Kithari?

Yeah. Oh, boy. This is the first one to stump me. You got stumped. I'm going to go wiki, wiki, wee. Wee. Next up, we have Dakota Selch. Oh, my God.

That is... Hi. Hi. My name is Dakota. Can I have two Alabama Slammers? And can you put on Keith Urban finger? Thank you. And it looks like a guy.

Oh, okay. Next up. Yeah. Cue the God. Cue the... Yo. Yo. Yo, boy.

Shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me, yo. My top five? Yo, you want to hear my top five, shit? My top five. Yo, Rakim. Yeah. top five, Shane? You want to hear the top five? Yo, Rakim. Yeah.

For real, EPMD, you hurt? Yeah. Drake, you hurt? Yeah. I got to go definitely, I'm going to go, of course, Big, B.I.G., of course, everybody top five, and Michael Che. Yeah. And his email is at huckthefaders.com.

Yo, that's what, yo. Yeah. That's what's up. Next up, Ron Haraka Wow Yeah, Haraka Kamikaze episodes of the podcast Are available on Japanese Kid

Yeah We got a Japanese Kid Yeah He's safe during the summer months Wei Shan Xiong It's only the Chinese specifically? Yeah Yeah

Maddie Elliott Maddie Elliott. Maddie Elliott? M-A-D-D-I-E Elliott. M-A-D-D-I-E Elliott. So she's a girl. She's a girl. And I'm going to say she is a white girl. Yeah.

And she's definitely from Pennsylvania, and she just wants to say, Chris, I've been a fan since the Carly days on Girl Code. Yes. Oh, here's a wild one. Yeah. Ferenc Gasper. F-E-R-E-N-C Gasper. G-A-S-P-A-R.

He's a fucking Egyptian kid. Yeah. Yeah. Ali Akbar. Ali Akbar. Ali Akbar. Cleopatra's not your leader. Next up, Brian Poroseff.

Brian Poroseff is just a good old white kid, okay? Yeah. He's a kid who definitely has a job in a strip mall. Yeah. He's a suburban white kid. He's a good kid, and he will have a crystal meth problem in the near future. It's just what it is. Next up, she's a $25 member, Sarah Hagen Miller.

Thank you for your service. Anyone with three names comes from family money. She's married. She's a stable girl. She loves us. We love you. You're a $25 member. And you're weee.

Weee. And we're going to call you on the pod. Yeah. And you're Wee And we're gonna call you On the pod Yeah And you're gonna pick up The phone like Hi Hi Super Dave

Super Dave Yeah He's a white kid With a good sense of humor And he likes to He likes to watch Supreme Patty videos And pour limes in his eyes

Yeah And he did the What's the black bird challenge When they He's a dumb white kid Yeah Is what I'm saying What's that challenge

Where they wrap a fucking thing Around their eyes And they try to drive Yeah he's the bird box he's a dumb white kid is what I'm saying what's that challenge where they wrap a fucking thing around their eyes and they try to drive yeah he's the bird box he's a bird box hey bird fucking glue bird fucking Franks and Beans white kid

wait that's a new challenge now people are wrapping their eyes because let's just be honest let's just say what it is Chrissy most people are fucking stupid

so what they're doing is they're putting from the movie and they're trying to drive and some kid just crashed and killed himself so it's what it is good first name Frankson last name Beanswile They're putting from the movie and they're trying to drive and some kid just crashed and killed himself. So it's what it is.

Good. First name Frankson. Last name Beanswild. His ethnicity is funny kid. He's just a funny fucking kid. He was a funny kid. Okay. Now this one, you know, there's no picture.

It's just a picture of the cat and one name Matthew. It's one name, but the name is Matthew. But it is one name. I'm just going to go, he's one of the apostles. That's it. Yeah. That's what it is. That's what it is.

Next up, Ray Pletcher. Ray Pletcher. Oh, he sounds like a dick. Yeah. Ray Pletcher sounds like you're going like, is Ray Pletcher going to be there? Yeah. And then you don't want to go. Yeah.

He's a kid who meets his friends at Cheesecake Factory. And he's a white kid. And he's Ray Pletcher. I'm going to go Wasp. Wasp. Next up, and she looks like a piece, Alison McNeil. Alison McNeil. She's her family's from Ireland.

Yeah. She's a Germanic tribe girl. And she's over here. Her parents came over during the potato famine. And they've been here since. And she's from Long Island. Yes's over here. Her parents came over during the potato famine and they've been here since. She's from Long Island. She knows who Sean Donnelly is. She thinks he's a creep.

Next up, Bill Fugere. Another freaking Irish kid. He's a pasty, pasty Irish kid. Watching Irish kids walk around in their boxer shorts bothers me. Yeah. Because they're so pale.

Like, you're pale? Yeah. It bothers me seeing you walk around in shorts. Yeah, I'm an ugly kid naked. Last but not least, Ryan Jackson. Ryan Jackson. I mean, this, he... He's a first-round pick.

Because he's on the practice squad of the San Diego Chargers. It's what it is. He doesn't laugh at my jokes. Who are we calling up now? This is Sarah Hagen-Miller. All right, we're calling up Sarah Hagen-Miller, and those were the newest members of the matriarchy, so thank you so much.

And stick around for our bonus episode on patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Me and Chrissy are the Bay Ridge Boys. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys, where we're going to go into further detail about Cleopatra and a lot of the political moves she made and more of her story in relation to the other rulers in that theater of history. Because make no mistake, we did a lot of hyena and very little history. But it was still a good amount of history. Yeah, you know, we do our thing.

Hi, this is Sarah's phone. I appreciate the call. Please just leave a message and I'll get back to you. Black? She's a black girl. No, she's not. Hey, Sarah, what's up? It's Chris DiStefano, a.k.a. Chrisie Sammons.

And I'm on here with Giannis Papas, and I just want to say thank you for your $25. You probably didn't pick up the phone because you're either a substitute teacher or you're either a substitute teacher out on Long Island, or you could be an off-duty National Community

College security guard. So thank you, Sarah, for everything. And you look like a piece in your picture, but I know you probably got a husband named Donnie who got laid off last week and things have been hard.

You know, the Jets didn't make the playoffs and that's always a sad time. So, all right, Sarah, thank you. Thank you so much. I gotta go. Giannis' ass is dirty.

You think she was... What was her name again? Sarah Hagen-Miller. Oh, yeah, she's what was her name again? Sarah Hagen Miller. Oh, yeah. She's from Long Island. And she married a white kid. Because she said, I can't take your call right now. Oh, yeah.

You got to. Yeah. She's out on the island. She's out on the island. She's out on the island. She's going to Huntington. She's going to see Jim Brewer for the 10th time. Yeah, 100%.

All right, guys. Listen, go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. As always, be part of the Patreon. Be a non-toot. Go to christycomedy.com, bayridge boys um as always uh you know be part of the patreon be a non-toot go to christycomedy.com janicepapas.net see where all our shows are we're probably coming to a city near you oh i'll be in canada this uh if you're up there if there's any people in canada i'll be in hamilton ontario um not this weekend but next week yeah it's gonna be good time so thank you guys so much uh for listening and all that you do and we talked about cleopatra and the

Patreon episode we'll probably try to get an interview with Frank Gallo and have him do his jokes and it'll be hilarious we'll just get into more info about Cleopatra and other famous women it's cute I gotta go suck a guy's dick in the Easter សូវាប់បានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបរូវាប់បានប់បានប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប�