History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 55 - Tim Dillon is WILD!

Episode Date: February 10, 2019

The boys are back with Tim Dillon to talk about the Gilded Age ! Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up, cuzzy wuzzies? You're listening to the Bay Ridge Boys, History Hyenas. Bad. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of the History Hyenas. I'm Chris DiStefano, a.k.a. aka chrissy coffee cakes with my co-host as always yannis papas aka yanni the lesbian what's up everybody we love you we're thinking about you yeah i hope your life is going good and we thank you for your service thank you so much for your service today we got a fucking wild episode for the first time in History Hyena's history. Wow. Second time.

Who was our... Well, third time. Third time. What? Yeah. Well, we had no mumble. We didn't release it because it was boring. Yeah, we didn't release it because all it was was a lot of this. Thank you. And then we had Dan Saint-Germain on. That was good. And we had uh dan saint germain on that was good that was yeah jp burke or uh kp

burke well there was also soul joel so this is the fourth yeah so it's not actually exclusive thing at all yes i thought that it was well it's actually this is our first but this is our first real guest because there's not too many of this first of all one, one of my favorites. One of my favorites. One of my favorites too, because let's be honest. Sol Joel was a guest, but he's fucking Franks and Beans. He listens to this and he gets mad when he hears it. Yeah, and then let me just explain to the new people who are newest members of the History of Hyenas. First of all, thank you

for listening to the podcast for free right now. It's fine. It's no problem you're listening, but we have a Patreon called patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys if you want to be a non-toot. Because right now you're listening to our content for free, which is fine. We live in America. But you're a fucking toot.

Yeah. So if you want to be a non-toot and gain our respect, then you will join the Patreon, patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. And when we call someone Franks and Beans, what we mean is if you've ever seen the movie Something About Mary. Means you're fucking stupid. Yeah. Her brother, Warren, would always go, who was special needs and would walk around

with a helmet, would always yell, Frank and beans. So that's what we call people and places and things that we think are stupid. Yeah. We call them Franks and beans.

I know that's insensitive, but listen. But it's not because he was referring to Ben Stiller. So we use it that way. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just going to say that.

Yeah. So good call. Yeah. And then when we say something wild we have a button that our producer zach isis aka sandra d yeah hits this button when we say something wild and what that means is what we've just said is a gator now and a joke because we press that way shan chian button so you see how a lot of people out there how you guys make the

rules how sometimes you just live in a world where it's like oh actions speak louder than words but then words speak louder than actions well that's what we do in here too we say whatever the fuck we want yeah and then we press away shan qian button and it all goes away yeah so welcome to the fucking matriarchy welcome to the history hyenas we have our first real guest today yeah and let me just say something go ask if you you Go ask. We're just not asking for you to join Patreon and get nothing. You get tons of

extra podcasts, kamikaze episodes. And a kamikaze episode is fucking wild because that's when one of us is recording the other and they don't know. So if they say something wild, it's going up for our's going up. For our $25 members.

Guess what we just did? We just kamikazed my fiance and she's not a part of the Patreon. Oh, she's hearing this right now. I'm fucking dead. Yeah. She is a part of the Patreon, but only for the $5 members. So she's a non-tute, but she's not a fucking pseudo penis of the week, dude. And it's my $5 that she puts on there.

Yeah, so it's what it is because let's be fucking crystal clear. It's a man's world. It's what it is. I know that it's, I know that, I know that it's women and everything and I have a little girl. Yeah. But let's just be fucking crystal clear. Yeah. When push comes to shove. Yeah. It's a man's world. And that's why we can't. Wei Shanxian!

Yeah, yeah. What are you doing? Yeah, I mean he's just, he's getting fucking, he's looking at more tattoos for his fingers. Cause the kid is just a slow, dumb, fucking 23-year-old kid. Yeah, he's a fucking Sandy. He's from Queens. Yeah, so am I. Let's be honest. Queens doesn't produce the best of the brightest.

No, we really don't. Like, when the Mets were in the World Series, like, when you guys, remember when the Mets made it to, like, the second round? Yeah. And you guys were celebrating, what was that, 2015-16? Yeah. And they go, wow, we still got one more series? And then you fucking lost? I know we Yeah. And you guys were celebrating, when was that? 2015-16? Yeah. And they go, wow, we still got one more series? And then you fucking lost? I know we lost. Because you're from Queens. Yeah, cuz, make no mistake, the day the Mets lost, nobody got their garbage picked

up the next morning. That's what it is. Because people were depressed. Yeah. Their fans were depressed. But we have our first guest. I want you to introduce him. Guys, we're sitting here with one of mine and Chris's favorite. Truly. Truly favorite comedians in New York City. One of the most interesting minds, funny, boisterous personalities from out on the island.

Yeah. Give it up for Tim Dillon, everybody. Thank you so much for having me. Yes, Tim Dillon. This is very special. I heard the previous guests that you had, so you really curate a real lineup in here of important people that have a lot to say. Absolutely.

I feel honored to be here. We really are all over the map with what we do and who we bring in here. I'm a resident of Queens. I dig it. It's halfway between Long Island and New York City. I never feel the pressure to be good-looking or successful. Right. In Queens, there's no pressure.

Because Queens is neither good-looking nor successful. No, it's perfect. It's a big airport. Queens? Yeah. You could be in parts of Queens, and you're literally in Bangladesh. Yeah, it is the most diverse,

but it's not cool diverse like Brooklyn. And Brooklyn diverse is like five white people and a mixed-race person. Bangladesh. Yeah. It is the most diverse, but it's not cool. Diverse like Brooklyn and Brooklyn. Diverse is like five white people and a mixed race person. That's Brooklyn. Diverse. Yeah. Queens diverse is like, Oh,

you're from Nepal. Yeah. What even is that? Like, yeah, it's so diverse. Right. Bakeries in Queens serve things.

You don't even know what they are. Yeah. You go into bakery in Queens, you try to get a cookie and you can't because it's like it's a Romanian bakery and everything they have is made of tears and cow parts. It's crazy.

In Brooklyn, those parts of Brooklyn, you'll go in and they have diversity of some person who's been in America for their family's been in America for 50 years and they're half Japanese, half black, half Eskimo. But when you go out to Queens, somebody's got his arm blown off because he just got off the boat from the syrian refugee war yeah queens is real deal shit yeah queens is real the queens's restaurants that have buffets for food that there never should be a buffet option in some of these

like some of the restaurants you walk into in queens there's crabs yeah hanging off the buffet escaping yeah it looks like another country in Alaska. Queens is harboring illegal immigrants, if we're being honest. Yeah, when your relatives come from the country you escaped from. Many of them are city council members. I imagine they're running Queens. Yeah. When you come from a country where you sought asylum from and your relatives sneak into the country,

it's in Queens that they're squeezing into an apartment in Queens. Nobody will notice anything in Queens. It's one of those places where you could kind of hide anybody. Right. And nobody would notice. And everybody minds their business. Yeah, absolutely. Nobody really cares about what anybody else is doing.

Yeah. Everybody minds their business. There's very few places with lines around the corner for brunch in Queens. No. It's not a thing. Nobody does that. Astoria is getting ginger. Astoria is happening.

Astoria a little bit, but only on Dipmars. I live by Steinway. Yeah. So Steinway, we're the other way. There's not really a lot of, there's a little brunch here and there happening. Right. But it's pretty much just elderly people and babies. There's not even middle-aged people in Queens.

There's elderly people and little babies. That's it. That's it. Because all the middle-aged people are either working or dead elderly people and little babies. That's it. That's it. Because all the middle-aged people are either working or dead. Right. Yeah. That's it. Yeah.

Now, me and Tim went on the Joker's cruise together last year. You can't make it this year because of previous things. You have other work things you can't miss. Yeah, but I really just canceled it because I don't want to go. Let's just be honest with each other here because you're a fucking wild kid yeah you're a treat for humanity yeah i was trying to just spit it for you i got it i'm just gonna be fucking open and honest i don't want to go the fucking fans are weird i'm gonna get leech and heirs disease i don't want to lose my wi-fi i got a fucking kid at home and big j

hunkerson creeps me out. He's going to love it. He's going to love it. He goes every year. Was he on with us last year? No, but he likes that. Can you walk around with one pant leg up? He loves it. But tell the people, I wanted your perspective. Did I get Wei Shanshan for that? I was kidding. Wei Shanshan.

Here's the problem. I knew there was a problem because you meet at the cruise terminal. We all go into New Orleans and we meet at the cruise terminal and We all go into New Orleans. And we meet at the cruise terminal. And many of the people that were taking the cruise had decided to bring food and beverages with them. So automatically I knew this was a- Which you can't do, right? Well, here's the thing. You can do it in certain cases.

But I knew this was a group. So bringing food and drinks on vacation with you, that's a certain type of person. That's a certain type of person. Let's be honest, that's a disgusting person. It's not for me. I'll tell you that much. Not for me. So I saw people dragging coolers, all kinds of stuff. Now, we're cruising into the middle of the

fucking ocean, but this boat is the size of a fucking mall. It really is. So you'd imagine there'd be food on it, but these people are like, just in case that runs low, I have snacks. So for the room, one of the ladies said to me, I swear to God, she goes, I have brought snacks for the room. I said, for the room? There's a 24-hour buffet.

Just to give you an idea, these people didn't want to be caught in the room hungry. They didn't want to. Me and Giannis are talking about it. There's not... If there's even a little space in their stomach, if even a little bubble of air... They'd fill it in. They'd fill it in. I mean, you see...

Dude, you... It looks like you're at a fair watching a go-kart. It looks like a go-kart festival. There's just... It's medieval times on the fucking boat. There go-kart. It looks like a go-kart festival. There's just fucking. It's medieval times on the fucking boat. There's scooters everywhere. These people are huge. Dude, it is.

Let me tell you right now. It is crazy because I'm a big dude, and I understand that there's a whole fat activist movement where people are like, you should be fat. And I never was into that. I was always like, I eat too much. I should exercise more. I eat so much I can't go to sleep until 4 in the morning until my food digests.

It's like, this is a bad thing. I'm slowly killing myself. I used to do cocaine for years, and I never did cocaine and thought about starting a blog going, everybody, get fucking started doing shit up your nose. It's great. Everybody should lay in bed until 4 a.m. and with their throat all fucking scratched up.

You didn't feel discriminated against when someone said, hey, you might want to quit cocaine. No. Like, you're oppressing me. Yeah, I never. So I think food is like a drug. You see people on this boat. That is their lifestyle. Yeah.

Is like they're like that. And they're not even and I hate this. Like, they're not even fat off good food. You got fat off Pringles. Yeah. And your TV dinner fat, your Arby's fat, your buffet fat. Right. You've never even had a good thing.

Right. They would come to New York. They would have a stroke if they ate any of this food. They'd be dead in a week. They don't even know shit like this exists. They've never had proper tomato sauce or anything. These are Domino's people. Yeah.

And they're on the boat. And let me tell you right now, man, the kids are like little cinnamon buns. They're huge. The kids are huge. The kids are big. Yeah. The pool is the size of a postage stamp. There's about two or three people that can fit in this pool at once.

Maybe one person and her two children and the pool is completely full. I thought they would have a big pool, water slide. There's no water slide because everybody keeps getting stuck. You'd have to plunge them out. There was a buffet, 24 hours. Two and the boat, they want to prevent an outbreak

of disease. So when you walk into the boat... That's a nice friendly reminder every time you fucking got to wash your hands. There's a Filipino guy because everybody who works on the boat lives in the boat, they want to prevent an outbreak of disease. So when you walk into the boat, that's a nice friendly reminder every time you fucking got to wash your hands. There's a Filipino guy because everybody who works on the boat lives in the Philippines. This is the fact. All the cruise industry lives in the Philippines. You never see them when they're not working. They make them live in a pipe in the middle of the ship.

They're allowed to come out once a day. They're always working. You never see them being honest, talking about it. There's no breaks. You never see two cruise employees being like, you know, remember last crew? None of that shit. They're fucking hard at work or they're gone.

I don't know where they are. Maybe they go overboard. But you never see them. They go back to the pipe. So this one dude, he would just stand in the front of the buffet and go washy washy and he would spray your hands. And I'm talking about, this was not hand sanitizer. this was like a fucking poison like killing everything on you yeah it hurt when he sprayed your hands like it was like fucking ammonia that you had to rub your hands you rub the layer of skin off your hands because everybody was so they were so nervous

about because it's a petri dish i, we don't want these people spread. Because if there are cases where like 1,800 people get sick. Yeah. And then that party's over. Yeah, the Legionnaires disease, norovirus. Yeah. Then party's over. And what these cruise lines do, Carnival Cruise will abandon these fuckers in the middle of the ocean.

They don't give a shit. Because none of these people are rich. None of these people have lawyers. They know they're not doing anything. So Carnival's like, leave them out there and shit. Sometimes there's like an electrical grid will go down on one of these people have lawyers they know they're not doing anything so carnival's like leave them out there and shit sometimes energy there's like a the actual electrical grid will go down on one of these boats and carnival's like whatever just let the military of whatever country figure it out they don't give a shit because these people are disposable carnival knows these fucks don't have lawyers they're not gonna come this isn't a river cruise going down

the daniel you know yeah these fuckers are gonna deal with it it is what it is half of them won't notice you know yeah yeah wow yeah that's fucking see with it. It is what it is. Half of them won't notice, you know? Wow. See, but that's what I'm saying. Like, that's why all that stuff, I got, if I'm being honest with you, it started with me. It made me make up an excuse. It started with me and Giannis sitting

there before the thing took off. We knew. You wanted to get off before it. I didn't want to be there, yeah. Like, if they would have come up to you and said, listen, you guys can get off if you want. You're not going to get paid, but you can get off. You would have got off. Me and Giannis are also New York cunts, is kind of the term. Because a lot of people love it.

A lot of our peers love it. Let me tell you right now, they adore it. And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. They were born in other places. I get it. It's exciting for them because of that, yeah. It's very exciting. The boat is big. Isn't the boat big?

Get me away from you and your thought process. Yeah. I get on the boat. Giannis gets on the boat. We start looking around, and we start saying to ourselves, we're looking at all the mouth breathers, and they have them in like a FEMA tent.

They have them in a big cruise terminal, and they got their food and their potato chips, and then they all start lumbering on this thing. And we're like, it just hits us immediately. Oh, we're about to go into the middle of the ocean with these people with Walmart.

And that's exactly what it is. That's what it is. And there's nowhere to go. There's nowhere to go. And listen, it's not a tropical power. It's cold. You get out in the middle of the ocean.

You think it's like a tropical paradise. It's people wearing hoodies. It's kind of windy. It's not that sunny. You dock at a shitty, like a fucking weird sandbar that Royal Caribbean and Carnival Cruise bought and have turned into Costa Maya, Mexico, which doesn't fucking exist. And it's these guys that are dressed up like conquistadors and fucking pirates and these idiots, these fat idiots. They sell them jewelry. There's a 24-hour news channel in your little, and by the way, the accommodations you have,

you stay in like a little. I don't know how some of those people fit in those cabins. They don't. They shut the door on their fat. It's like the way that I fit in one jacket. They fit into the cabin. They're in the cabin. They put on a channel.

The channel is 24 hour. What you can buy when you get to this island and it's just some guy going hey i've been in the cruise and jewelry industry for 25 years and you go that's not a thing yeah there is no cruise and he goes the deals you're gonna get when we land in costa maya are amazing and he starts showing you these shitty bracelets and shitty earrings and then what happens is these fat people get off the boat and they go to these little jewelry stands and they're all like kiosks on the beach yeah and then what happens is these fat people get off the boat and they go to these little jewelry stands and they're all like kiosks on the beach

and then they jam these necklaces around these fat ladies necks and they pay money and then they get back on the boat and it is and by the way they take you, you get on like, you get in a cab when you go to a resort they take great pains to disguise how fucked the rest

of the area is. Yeah, this is the best part. They pick you up and they take you go to a resort they take great pains to disguise how fucked the rest of the area is the best part they pick you up and they take you right to the resort they don't fuck around when you go on a cruise and you land in the shitty island if you want to go to the restaurant or the beach or something like that they got to drive you through the rest of the island before you get there so you get in this little like golf cart that seats about eight people and you drive through i am not kidding hellish third world hellscape where there's guys with no shoes chasing roosters for dinner and you're sitting there you're sitting there everybody's 400 pounds there's people playing the xylophone on their ribs wasting away on the side of the road like there's people that would kill you if they were hung they're

emaciated they lack the strength to plunge a knife into your throat they would if they could and you wouldn't blame them either i'd be like fuck if i was starving and they just carted around fat people it is it is the craziest thing and i just said to myself i'm like how and then you start listening to people around you and they're like well we took carnival last year and i'm like oh this is the thing that people do and they enjoy it and it's like i don't even want to be part of this it's just such a mix because it's so true he says they like there's this where you dock this little area that's just completely commercialized tourist bullshit with the conquistadors yeah and then

you just travel a little farther out you're in a 10th world country and what we do is we just show up in this moving fucking mall with all the food in the world on the boat yeah and if we just took that food and gave it to the people yeah they'd be happy but we go no we're getting off we're buying a key chain and then we're getting back on and taking the food away these people think you're having a cultural experience these fat people from ohio walk around eating churros pointing pointing at fake, like, what do they call those statues? The totem poles. Yeah, totem poles. Which are fake.

They're all fake. They were built three years ago by Royal Caribbean and Carnival Cruise like that. And these fat idiots are like, oh, it's Mexican chocolate. They're boiling Hershey's. These fuckers don't know. And they're eating churros. And here's what's most disturbing. This is, I think, what disturbed me and Giannis the most.

This is what was the most dystopian about it. Everybody thought it was great. Yeah. Everybody enjoyed it so much that you went so crazy. You're like, am I wrong? You just start realizing how over we are. You realize that it really is over because everyone thought it was a great time and it was raining and cold.

Yeah. So, okay. Cause that was my question. So like, cause like it's February right now. You guys have to say February. Yeah. Other than that, we had a great time. Other than that, it was question. It's February right now. You guys have to save February. Other than that, we had a great time. I understand leaving the port is going to be cold, but you're saying

even when you get to Mexico, it's still cold there. It was raining and cold when we went to Mexico that day. I'm sure some days it's hot. For us, it was not. I bet the weather is a lot more... I don't think it's certain what it's going to be. You realize when you're on the cruise, you think there'd be something about the cruise that felt like beachy and tropical. But it really doesn't because you're nowhere near the water.

Literally, you're in a building and the water's below you. And the pool is the size of a postage stamp. Nobody goes in the pool. That's a good point. You're not even you're on the ocean, but it's like you're in a, you're in a built like a skyscraper building. If you jumped off the boat, you'd die before you hit the water. Yeah. There were people.

Because it's too high. Yeah. There was a guy on the boat that told us that one guy killed his wife that way. They don't have proof, but she disappeared over the side of the boat. And he woke up the next morning like, hey, where's my wife? But at the buffet, like not really caring. Like, where's my, you see my wife? Let's get a waffle.

And then all of a sudden the FBI at the end of the cruise found out he had a huge insurance policy. He took out on her everything. So he took her to the boat and just pushed her. We had a whole talk about what happens if you fall off during the day. You might be okay because somebody might see you and they might send her. Here's the thing. They never turned that fucker around. So they'll send a rescue boat for you.

And then the rescue boat has to just catch up to the boat. Oh yeah, oh yeah. So if you fall during the day, if you fall at night it's over and it's over quick. And here's the other thing. By the way, tons of people do this. It's too big to turn around. It'll suck you under the boat. When you jump off, it'll suck you right

under the boat sometimes and that's it too. You'll just be killed by the propellers. That's it. I mean, this thing is a massive I mean, it emits I think... Perpetually. Like a never... And it probably kills all the fish and wildlife it goes over on that fucking ocean. It's a climate, it's a

fucking, it's a natural disaster. It's like more than a million cars. It's like that amount of power that it uses. And it's just around to feed the emotional and physical needs of fat, boring people. Because people are like, you know what? I'm tired of being a pig on land. What if we did everything we usually do, like gluttony, sit around?

I mean, there's fuckers on this thing. I'm not even kidding. I'm not even kidding you. There are people on this boat that lay on a chaise lounge with a bag of Ruffles potato chips in a hoodie. It's not even warm. And I want to sit down with this person and go, what is this? Tell me why you're doing this and why you can't do this in your backyard. What is the appeal of doing this? It seems like if you wanted to do it, you would just

go to a resort. You're just doing the same things you would be doing at a resort or like an all-inclusive resort, but in the middle of the ocean for no reason. Let me ask you a question. You've been on a boat. I've been on boats. I love being on a boat. You've been on a boat. Have you ever been on a boat and said, this would be a lot better with 3,800 people?

You know what I mean? Have you ever been on a boat and go, this would be a lot better with 3,800 people? You know what I mean? Have you ever been on a boat and go, you know what really would be more fun? If we could bring two to 3,000 strangers here and let's build a vessel big enough for them to shit and piss in and eat. They got to eat two, three meals a day, two snacks. 12 meals a day. When you see the way- And by the way, the food is a troll.

I would think it's not even edible. Well, what do you think? We're on a day. When you see the way- And by the way, the food is a troll. I would think it's not even edible. What do you think? It's horrific. My friend Michelle came, who's this rich bitch from LA who I love. And I brought her because I said, she needs a culture shock. Because rich people don't even know this happens, okay? I bring her and I get a kick out of her. What was her experience?

I get a kick out of her because she's a real cunt. Like, you can't be a cunt. Like, I travel with her. Like, I'll fly to LA with her. She calls a stewardess over, a flight attendant, whatever. She's like, hey, it's cold in the back of this plane. Let's figure it out. And the flight attendant looks in her eyes and realizes,

this is the bitch that won't shut up unless I do what she wants. Let me do it. We'll walk into a restaurant. Because she's used to a certain level. She's used to a certain level that she walks in, she says to the people at the restaurant, no, no, no, we're going to sit here. And they all just do it. Everyone says like you catch more flies with honey than air.

That's full of shit. My dad's a very honey guy. He gets nothing. Honey gets you shit. Okay. Vinegar acid in someone's face gets you noticed. That gets you fucking attention. Oh, you catch more flies when you don't.

So I love Michelle. I'm like, Michelle's going to get a kick out of this fucking cruise. I didn't even know how bad the cruise was. Michelle found a VIP room for artists that we didn't know existed, where you got actual meals. Not great, but you didn't have to eat at the buffet.

First night, we're all at the buffet. Then Michelle goes, I found this thing for artists. And like Joey Fatone was on the boat. This is how cool show business was. Timberlake was doing the Super Bowl. Joey Fatone was on a cruise with me and Luis Gomez. That is show business.

And eating next to us. That is show business. That's show business, yeah. And Michelle found that little place for us, which did change the experience. We had some dinners there it was nicer because she just she has that thing of like she was raised really rich so she just sniffs out other rich people and she's like man if i was rich this can't be it like she's looking around the buffet she's like this can't be it she was right i didn't know that yeah right because i'm just like all right i'll take whatever's being given to me

she's like this can't be it. She was right. So we got a little bit nicer of a situation. What was Michelle's feeling of the boat? Did she feel like you guys felt coming off it? She didn't even understate. She loves little fun things. She loves comedy. She's really good friends with Big Jay. She gets a kick out of different subcultures.

She thought the whole thing was gross. She thought the whole thing was gross. She thought the whole thing was gross. She thought New Orleans was gross. The whole thing to her, she was just past. She loved Gianna. She loved me. She loves hanging out with people. She needs to be in the Palisades to be comfortable or Malibu.

She likes West Hollywood. She likes Manhattan. She doesn't understand. You take her somewhere else, she's like, she'll do South Palm. She'll do Miami, Soho House. Other than that, she doesn't understand what's happening. Yeah. And she's not wrong.

Here's the other thing. She's not really wrong. I mean, that's the other problem. That's what it is. I wish she was wrong. I wish I could be like, and she's so small-minded. And it's like, nah, she's not. Go to Cleveland.

Tell me. That's why we're cunts that's why new yorkers are cunts but we're not wrong right because we're just used to better stuff yeah now let me ask you do you think all throughout history chrissy yes that um there was like what would be the equivalent like in rome what would be the equivalent to like the cruise vacation there because there's always been something there's always been like the people plebeians yeah and then your aristocracy there's always been the privilege and then not i guess the equivalent of like cruise like pompeii was like the fucking

hamptons well no i think like a cruise whoever i think the equivalent of the cruise people maybe they weren't fat but like that mindset mindset is whoever followed Jesus at those times, like whoever the disciples were, were just like, you know, I'm so poor. I have nothing going on. I'm just going to listen to this guy who says he's making, you know, bread into wine and, you know, multiplying fish. So, you know, I'll look. This guy's a show.

I guess that maybe. Well, this is actually a good question. Like, probably people didn't use to vacation if you didn't have money that's a new thing no people that's an american vacation in history nobody left their village you never met anybody else that's why there was marriage like like why get married i mean i know you're getting married but it's just like you didn't know the people outside your town in the 1300s how could you get there but only rich people rich people have always vacation and we But only rich people rich people have always vacationed. And we're going to segue here. Rich people

have always vacationed. This cruise type of vacation economic class is a new thing post-industry, post- America. And it all started in the fucking Gilded Age

where we started building skyscrapers and utilizing steel. Big money. Today we're bringing in the comedian who's probably most obsessed with the rich and wealthy. Love him. And let's talk Gilded Age. First tycoon in America was a boat guy. Literally grew up in New York City, grew up in the harbors of New York.

Nasty guy, street fighter. Took a loan, bought a steam ferry. Started that steam ferry. Started going back between Brooklyn and New York taking people. All of a sudden he had a fleet of them. He had a fleet of steam ferries. He became the guy supplying the boats to take goods

all over the country. Is that AutoCon? No. No. This is Cornelius Vanderbilt. Oh there we go. Vandy baby. Who's a fucking pig compared to the rest of them right? The Commodore. No. Listen Vanderbilt's family lost in six go. Vandy, baby. Who's a fucking pig compared to the rest of them, right? The Commodore. No, listen. Vanderbilt's family lost. In six generations, they lost all their money.

Anderson Cooper's the last guy. That's it. Yeah. There's no money. Here's why. The enterprises that Vanderbilt controlled are no longer under his family's name. It's over. You lose the business. You lose the money.

Because the only thing left to do is spend. And those fuckers spent. They enjoyed tennis, country estates, boom, boom, boom, trips to wherever. And then all of a sudden you drain the fucking, you know. But Vanderbilt was the first tycoon in America. I mean, this guy was a beast. He had the largest fleet of steam ferries in the country. And then at age 70, he sold them all.

Everybody was like, he's nuts. He's retiring. This is what the cruise people thought. Because they're pigs. They're like, he's nuts. He's retiring. This is what the cruise people thought, because they're pigs. They're like, he's probably done. And by the way, he had outlived life expectancy at that point. Right. You know what I mean?

70 years old. Sells all his boats. And then all of a sudden. Rich people have a relaxed lifestyle. It's very stress-free. That keeps them alive. Well, it is and it isn't. He was the first tycoon.

This guy didn't exactly live a stress-free life. But he wasn't in a mine either. Right. What he did was he realized, I did a sketch with the head of NBC Universal once, an internal sketch. It was only played for the company, okay? I played a cab driver. They spent like 150 grand to do this sketch to just get played at a meeting where a cab

driver essentially roasted members of the NBC board. And I was with the guy and I said, I had a few questions for him. I said, what do you think about Roseanne? Very simple, very quick. This guy's overseeing all NBC Universal, like 30 companies, the theme park, the motion biggest movie studio in the world, NBC, all that shit. I said, what do you think about Roseanne? This was right before the premiere.

He goes, that's going to be a problem for them. He goes, she's changed. It's going to be an issue. He was right. I was like, that guy going to be a problem for them. He goes, she's changed. It's going to be an issue. He was right. I was like, that guy. He said these quick little, and I asked him, I said, what's the hardest thing about being the CEO of a company that's the size of yours? And he said something very interesting.

He goes, it is very tough to be a CEO of this type of company or any company really that wants to be viable because he goes, there's two things you have to do. And those two things are often at odds with each other. You got to maximize your current model. So whatever you're doing, you got to do and those two things are often at odds with each other. You've got to maximize your current model. So whatever you're doing, you've got to maximize it. The efficiency, the profitability and then you have to get your company ready for what things are going to look like in five

years or ten years. And you've got a limited amount of resources. So if you're really killing it doing what you're doing, you can't necessarily be putting all the resources you need to in where the market is going to go in five years. Because what you're doing right now, part of it or all of it might be obsolete. Okay?

Blockbuster was killing it in the late 90s. Me and my buddies were going in there, renting every WrestleMania and everything. They were not putting any fucking money and resources into where the market was going to go. Vanderbilt sold his fucking steam ferries because he said the reality is railroads. The country's coming together. It was post-Civil War. People were kind of over. They lost trust in their political leaders.

They were actually looking to these business leaders, to people to kind of de facto lead the country. These guys were the first titans or entrepreneurs of their kind. The country was completely unregulated. It was the Wild West. These industries were literally being born. And Vanderbilt was a guy. He started buying up train tracks and he became the largest owner of

railroads in the country. Okay? He was the guy. So he went from steamships to railroads. He made his money in steamships. He made his money in steamships. Reinvested it into railroads. He had the Asians and the Irish come over and start building the railroads. He goes, listen, the reality is the country,

it's not enough to take people on a boat somewhere. We need to connect the entire country. Right. Okay. And then eventually people started, you know, you can't be at the top for long. People started to fuck with him. A rival railroad company started to fuck with him

and they were like, listen, they started to infringe on his territory. So he just shut down the Albany Bridge going into New York City. He goes, good, no one's going to go into New York. Now, this this age brought in a new type of tycoon. Yeah, because we have like we have like the previous aristocracies from previous time periods. We got bankers. We got your child. Absolutely. These were industrial capitalists. These were industrial capitalists. This was the Industrial Revolution. These were guys that didn't know any. These were industrial capitalists. This was the industrial revolution. These were guys that didn't know

any... They were ruthlessly competitive and brutal. And they were forging their way in this country with no real blueprint for how to do it because it hadn't been done before. So they would kind of use everything at their disposal.

I mean, this guy shut down the Albany Bridge in New York City and he bled his competitors dry because they could no longer ship goods into New York. And then their stock dipped, and when it dipped low enough, he bought out their company. He invented the hostile takeover, which is I'm going to drive your stock down,

come in and buy it all up. You now work for me. This was the first really modern tycoon. Vanderbilt's a gangster. He had two sons. One of them he loved. I forget that guy's name And the other one we'll call Cuck The one he loved dies

As many of the good ones do So now he has Cuck Vanderbilt He's very depressed about this He had his one golden son That he was going to hand everything to And then you have Cuck You know Cuck is fine Whatever

Maybe Cuck wants to do an open mic and talk about what it's like. Yeah, my dad sexed that fool, but it's not easy for me. Whatever. Yeah. So the good one dies. Now Vanderbilt's only left with Cuck.

So now he's got Cuck negotiating for him, which is not going well. Because Vanderbilt knows he can't really depend on this guy. So Vanderbilt ends up getting fleeced out of a decent amount of money i think it was like seven million dollars these two guys uh gould and frisk these two guys sold watered down stock to vanderbilt he was in this other hostile takeover type situation they got all this stock it was

like watered down they sold it to him it was this trick highly um i don't know at the time it was not illegal now it certainly would be illegal but it was kind of public the way that they fleeced him because his greed got the better of him he's just like we're gonna buy up all this stock he bought it and um they got the better of him they were in the news and he's an old guy at this point he's like an old guy and people are like this guy's done so that's when vanderbilt, I need to figure out a way to use my railroads to transport something else, to even get to the next level.

And that's when he found Andrew Carnegie and steel. And he goes, I'm going to start shipping steel and we're going to start replacing the railroad tracks with steel. And he went into that thing. So those types of guys, whether it's Carnegie, Vanderbilt, Rockefeller, and I mean, in today's money, Rockefeller, and I mean,

in today's money, Rockefeller was worth $336 billion, Carnegie $372 billion, Vanderbilt $185 billion. Vanderbilt built Grand Central Station in New York City. It was completed in 1871 as a physical monument to his power. It united three railroad lines, like the Union, the Central, the Harlem, all the Hudson, the Central, the Harlem the Hudson, the Central, the Harlem Grand Central is still probably our most impressive building it really is probably 1871 our most impressive building

they also all built huge mansions in certain parts of the country New York by the Hudson River, some of them up by Central Park and a lot of them donated a lot of their money. Philanthropy was a legacy that they left as. But you've got to remember, these guys like J.P. Morgan,

they had more money. J.P. Morgan bailed out the federal government a few times. I mean, these guys had so much power. Nobody now, Bezos, nobody really has nearly the power that these guys did. They're getting there. They're on their way. But these guys. So I don't want to present like a one-sided thing.

It was all roses. It was very brutal. It was very brutal, especially for workers who had very little protections. Oh, you didn't paint a rosy picture. Okay. I mean, these guys are vicious. But the reality is these guys exist no matter what. Guys like this that exist, they're going to exist.

But there's a parallel. I think they existed a lot because of the time. Like you said, these were the first guys. They were building a country. The country got industrialized. They were building it. Urban areas were flourishing. They were putting huge buildings

up. This was the Gilded Age. Biggest period of expansion in America's history. Yeah. And now, I think the only comparable time to that is sort of the digital orgy that's going on. These new companies, this is the first. We haven't seen a Bezos's and Bill Gates's and Tim Cook's. Absolutely. This is a new wave of these type of tycoons.

The government is sort of deferential to these tech guys in a weird way, in the same way that it was kind of deferential to these... Isn't that fucking fascinating? Yeah, because the government kind of understands that these guys know something that the government really doesn't know. And these guys are kind of the guardians of the new frontier. So the government

regulates these guys but nowhere near with the tenacity that they should because the government needs these guys. The government needs to go to these guys and the FBI and like unlock this phone or help us trace this or help us get. So the reality is these industry people in tech, just like in Giannis is absolutely right. They are insanely powerful and really important. And the government kind of tap dances around them. And now I think since the election and since a lot of the stuff that happened, the government is now trying to regulate the more because they realized that like, yeah, why couldn't Russia, China or any country invade social media and disseminate false information and drive a country crazy? I mean, it's such an easy it's such an interesting type of warfare. This, you know, what, you know, cybercrime, all of these things that we should have been years ago, we should have been pouring money in the cybersecurity and all these things. And we weren't because we're all still about fighting conventional wars

and big Navy fleets. But, and then like, you know, 20 Russian trolls in a room can do a hell of a lot of damage by just disseminating information that's untrue and having people kind of lose their minds. That's what they've been doing. But it is interesting when you look at it,

that for the first time since the Gilded Age, we have this group of powerful industry professionals who have made these companies into empires. Yes. And they have that same influence that

the industrial capitalists have. They're kind of gurus. It's crazy. It's crazy though that we had the Gilded Age. Yeah. Now, this fuck, the Gilded Age was like, that was a good time to be an American. Well, jazz. Yeah.

Booze. Women were starting to fuck. It was a good time to be a white American. Yeah. Yeah. But even, no, even the black communities, segregation was, they were thriving as well. It was a good time for everybody? They were thriving in certain places.

Everyone's always a rough word, but. A lot. A lot. A lot. Definitely a good time to be white. You're right. Hey, great time to always a rough word. A lot. Definitely a good time to be white. You're right. Hey, great time to be a Vandy. Yeah.

You were Vanderbilt. It was great time. Fucking killing it. But then a fucking bust. That's what I'm saying. It comes. The bust comes. This was the first time women started fucking too and dressing like they would go to those speakeasies.

Flappers. Yeah. Yeah. Flappers started coming around. They got banged out. Women started getting fucking banged out. Yeah. Women didn't even know like how to come

to like 13 months ago right it's kind of wild when you think about it women might take over the world because they're just getting in touch with like how to come

they're just getting started yeah they're just getting started yeah yaff queen yaw yaw it was a crazy time but like all times came to an end

yeah came to an end and then it was like well what are we going to do? And I think what is happening is there will be an equivalent come to an end of this technology thing, too, when it gives us the real tools to kill ourselves. And it's giving us the tools to do some real permanent damage to our collective psyche. We're going to do it. Yeah.

I don't know if it's five years, 10 years. I don't know when it's happening, but when you look at AI, you look at all these things that are happening and our ability to process information as completely. I mean, you show somebody one video now and you have two people that have two

completely different reactions to it because they've been conditioned through social media to have this fucking weird filter on everything. It's kind of scary. So you walk that out. Pokemon Go terrified me. I saw dudes running around Central Park in suits chasing imaginary cartoons. I know. That was sick.

Bro, I was like, this is fucking insane. Number one, who has the time? Who has the time? If you have five minutes alone in New York City and you're in the park, enjoy the fucking park. Don't chase an imaginary lizard um secondly that was the week we were at war with north korea or we were about to like i was like i saw people running i'm like did we fucking is it it are we under attack and it's like no it's a squirtle and it's people running around and i'm like oh this is once augmented reality takes hold you going to see people in the middle of the street, fake sword fighting. They're going to go into their own world, dude.

It's coming. They're going into their own world. They're not going to live in the real world. The real world is tough. The real world is a basement apartment, a liberal arts degree, no money, credit cards are maxed out. Parents hate you. No health insurance.

The augmented reality is you're in Game of Thrones and you're a knight. Yeah. And you're fighting an imaginary thing. So that's the type of shit where that started to scare me. I would be sitting in an Uber and the Uber driver would be like, ping, ping. And I'm like, what are you doing? What are you doing?

And they're catching Pokemon. So that type of shit is like, oh, this public can be controlled real easily. Right. And it could go to a real dark place. And I think that's probably maybe where it's potentially headed. Where did your obsession with the rich start? I mean, you live in Long Island,

so some of your friends are rich. Some of them aren't. You could drive three towns away and see mansions. You understand class in an interesting way. When you grow up in other areas, I went to a Catholic school. I had friends from maybe 40 towns in Long Island. So your friends ranged from like my one of my buddies lived next to Vinny Testaverde in Oyster Bay Cove and had a four and a half acre home. One of my friends lived in a bungalow in Freeport, Long Island by the bay.

And his parents would like sleep on the floor. Let me ask you this. We always talk about like those people, like they look at, do they look at like borough people as like trash? No, I mean, listen. Do they want to be like just as far away from poor people as possible? They don't even have that. Number one, they've never been around poor people.

Right. Here's the thing. I think one of the things that I learned about rich people as I kind of studied them, and I don't mean rich like you own a BMW. I mean rich like your family's been rich for a very, very long time. You've been able to maintain that level of. One thing I learned about them is there's a simplicity to them that's kind of interesting. It's actually not.

They don't know any other way. Many of them. There's a great quote from S. Godfrey Sherald where he said, the rich are not like you and me. They are soft where we are hard, and they are cynical where we are trusting. That's a very interesting explanation of them. Kind of sums them up. They're soft where we are hard.

They've never been on a public bus. Many of them have never been punched in the face. They've never been on the subway when it's freezing and it's shitty and it stops in a tunnel and it's dark. Some of them have never been punched in the face. Yeah. They've never been on the subway when it's freezing and it's shitty and it stops in a tunnel and it's dark. Some of them have, I'm generalizing, but, and, and so there's a softness to them where Giannis is like, do they want to be around poor people? It's like, no, but then they also don't even know what that would be. Right. Right. The other thing is like, they're cynical where we are trusting. They're keenly aware that people want them for the things they have. So if you go start a conversation with them, they're like, why do you want to be my friend?

Why do you want to marry me? Date me? Whatever. I have to keep my guard up at all times because I have these things that other people will want to take. And they interface with the world in a different way than we do. They're kind of skeptical of people first. And you have to really kind of prove your loyalty. And that's the thing.

But it is simple. I've talked to some of these people. You would imagine they're actually not the Vanderbilts are very rare. The tycoons are very rare. Most of these people just fall in line right the bezos is in the true visionaries the guys that create wealth that eight generations after them live off of are incredibly gifted and rare and yes sociopaths dictators whatever i mean these people really you know the thing that's scary about the tech people is they're cultists they believe they're

ushering in the new world, which will come with a new morality and a new way to communicate. And they'll define speech. Like these are people that have a tremendous amount of power over how we live. And they have no, and when you hear them talk, you're like, oh, you're utopians. You think you can create kind of this perfect world.

But a lot of rich people just fall in line. They fall in line. Right. They fall in line. Right. And they do so because falling on one side of the line is money and history and family. And on the other side of the line is good luck. Yeah.

And good luck. And our friend Dan sort of dated a rich girl. And he was like, I wonder if we'll ever end up together. And I said, no. I was opening for him. Many people don't want their feature to act like me. But, you know, that's why I've done three feature sets in my life. But he goes, will it work?

And I said, no, because you're a great guy. But on one line is you. And on the other line is everything she's ever known. All of her friends, all of her family, all of the security in the world. And on the other side is you. Even if you're on TV and you're a successful comedian, it's like low to them. It's like, yeah. They don't know what that is.

Not only is it not low to them, but it's like this. You're going to take a real chance. You're going to really roll the dice here if you marry this guy. You're going to roll the dice. And listen, some people make a lot of money rolling the dice.

Some people lose it all rolling the dice. So I think rich people, they tend to not be as interesting as I'd like to make them out to be. They're not as loud and as eccentric. I mean, some of them are. Some of them are crazy. But I think a lot of them simply fall in line. A lot of them are passionless.

When you meet them, they're passionless. They're kind of bored. They've been everywhere. They've been every continent. continent they've done it all they're understated they're somewhat bored certainly the wasp aesthetic the old school this is somewhat changing with the tech people a lot of global capital is coming in all these big cities and you know wasps are being pushed out the wasps are kind of done the chinese are taking over. I mean, I look at the top real estate values. Fifth Avenue and Kensington Gardens in London, those two streets used to always flip-flop for number one.

Now it's Pollock's Path. It's called the peak in Hong Kong. Have the highest real estate value per square foot. Really? Yeah. Yeah, we're done. We're done. I mean, the numbers are taken over.

The numbers are behind that we're done. The wasps are getting pushed out. I mean, you go look at what the Chinese are majoring in, even here and over there. It's all engineering, math, STEM. Yeah, you ask an American student, they're like, I'm an English major. It's like, so you're majoring in the language you learned at four. That's how we're going to beat the Chinese. And a lot of these emerging market countries, Kazakhstan and things like that, the natural gas business, they are the gilded age of America. They're completely unregulated. People are making hundreds of millions of dollars in these emerging businesses that are completely unregulated. You can't make that kind of money in France. And it's very hard to make it in America because there's all these regulations and taxes and rules.

like that, it is literally the Wild West. You can make a ton of money. And a lot of these people are now coming into cities like London, New York, and everything. They're investing in real estate. You know, these are the next generation of Gilded Age people, not only tech people, but people from all over the world who are getting a taste of big money in the way that we've had for a while. Yeah, well, the Chinese just come in and buy real estate and they don't even live there. They just want to own it.

Well, they want to hide their money from taxes. It's a culture about education. Cultures do really well when they're about education. You know, school, learning, and not following your dream in life. Following your dream is for white people who are idiots. That's what, and I mean, literally, we've all done it, and it's worked out, you know, which is lovely, but the majority,

the idea that you would go and tell my grandfather who came off a boat from Ireland, what the idea that somebody would sit down and go, what do you want to do? Is insane. I know very successful West Indians who came to this country and became home health aides because somebody had come to the country and said, it pays 80 grand a year.

Yeah. But you have to wipe someone's ass. Yeah. But it pays 80 grand a year. Yeah, but you have to wipe someone's ass. Yeah, but it pays 80 grand a year. I have to survive. It is what it is. It's not a glamorous job. That's why we're clearly at a peak. We're clearly summoning.

People now are like, I want to make 17 grand a year working for BuzzFeed because I want to be excited and inspired. I want to walk into work every day and change everything. And it's like, oh, that's a sure route to poverty. I want to walk into work every day and change everything. And it's like, oh, that's a sure route to poverty. And it's a function of just being privileged, lazy, fucking white people. It's a man. That's it. Well, even the whole thing. It's like it's like you're you know what I mean?

Like you're so fucking interesting and you're so funny. Yeah. And but because you haven't mentioned you're gay yet yet it's like you don't want a comedy special. You know what I mean? It's like one of those things. It's like you're literally the perfect guy that we would love to fucking watch your comedy all day but you're not going to get it because you're funny and interesting.

So it's a twilight zone. It just really hit me what that's about in this moment. You know what it really is about? This kind of milieu now of like knowing what the person's story is over there. We don't celebrate excellence the way we used to. Right.

It used to not matter what the package was. Right. Yeah. You know? We have our sordid history with race, of course. Blah, blah, wanted to Prince, people could supersede their second class citizenship in America because we did have a race problem like a lot of countries do and European imperialism, all that. But the thing that was uniquely American was a celebration of excellence that could shoot you to the top no matter what.

Jim, Jack Johnson was driving Rolls Royces. We're going to do an episode on Jack Johnson banging white women and wearing four coats at a time where black dudes were like, you could not do that. Right. And people kind of he was such a great boxer and he was making people so much money that like in America it could still happen. So it's like we do not celebrate. So when you see that in comedy

it's like I want to hear her perspective. It's like we don't want to listen to her because she's great at being a comedian. She's been toiling at it for 10 or 20 years. And we've also become a boring country. You watch the Super Bowl commercials. You watch the award shows. The public sphere in this country is really boring. It's very bland. It's just consumerist. Buy sneakers. You watch the award shows. The public sphere in this country is really boring.

It's very bland. It's just consumerist. Buy sneakers. Buy this. Buy that. There's no true interesting exploration of anything deeper or metaphysical anymore. There's no humor. We've become a deeply unfunny country, but at the same time also a joke.

It's like a weird – like a joke to the rest of the world. We're being – our president's a game show host. Yeah. But we're deeply unfunny and we're deeply uninteresting. And you watch late night television. You have all the hosts are playing with Muppets. And if this isn't the end, man, it should be. Man, it should be.

If this isn't an empire in the death throes, I don't know what it would look like if late night entertainment is a grown man playing the checkers with Muppets and singing sing-alongs in the car. Sing-alongs in the car is a fucking thing that people share. They go, look, you got to see this. This guy's going to sing with someone in the car. Yeah, it's karaoke and sing with someone in the car. Yeah, it's karaoke. You're singing in a car. Can you imagine we went from Coltrane to sing along in the car with a celebrity? I just picture the Tonight Show's writing staff is just like a bunch of seven-year-olds sitting around with crayons.

Seven-year-olds would do a better show. It's 47-year-olds with crayons. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it's an interesting thing. Now, the Gilded Age, do you think that was America's peak, do you think? Well, no, I don't think it was America's peak. What I think the Gilded Age laid the groundwork for economically and culturally was the idea of exceptionalism, that there are people that can do things truly amazingly.

And those people are a certain breed of people and those people have to be regulated and constrained and we have we need to have a government that doesn't allow those people to trample on everybody else but you need to recognize talent and what mark says and people don't understand and people that tend to think the world is all about you know these power dynamics that are completely, you know, the talent and all of these things are irrelevant. No, there are genuinely quality of equality of outcomes, right? Yeah. Genuinely talented people that are visionaries, but need to be regulated and need to be constrained. But you need their spirit, because otherwise, what are we all doing on the fucking planet? If you're not getting every day believing that something is possible whether it's a family whether it's a small thing doesn't have to be building a railroad but you need to have that spirit and if you destroy that

spirit then you enter this weird nihilistic thing where nothing matters and why do anything and that's kind of where we are now where we're in the death throes, where nobody wants to believe in anything. So I don't think it was the peak of America, but what it laid the groundwork for was what the country would eventually be defined by, which is the idea that if you really commit yourself to something with insane and almost irrational fervor, you can make it happen.

And that is what I think defines America. If you're really, really driven, you can make things happen, but it's going to be ugly and it's going to be a brutal process. So he was a visionary with the railroads. 100%. Nobody else was thinking that?

Was it more like the Thomas Edison Tesla thing? Listen, there's probably 10,000 people thinking it and then go, you know what, but I want a sandwich. I want to sandwich. Right. I want to go to the saloon. Right. Let me go to the saloon and talk to my friends about it. I bring it up because when you look at just a parallel like Tesla and Thomas Edison, it's come out now that Thomas Edison was just a little more ruthless with it.

Yeah. But it was Tesla's ideas. Yeah. Yeah. We all know the funniest guy in the world that goes up and does a set once a month, walks out of the thing. We never see him again. We go, that guy was one of the funniest guy in the world that goes up and does a set once a month, walks out of the thing, we never see him again. We go, that guy was one of the funniest people in the world. What separates him from people that make a career out of it?

Tenacity. Right. Drive. Right. All of those things. The business part of the show. The business part of it. The idea that we're just a little sicker, that we go back.

Yeah. Cornelius Vanderbilt was just a little more broken. He had his face mashed in the New York Harbor. He was poor. Rockefeller grew up. His dad absconded and left them. Carnegie started working at 12 or 13. They knew hardship. They knew what it was like to be poor. And by the way, this isn't to say that once they got rich, they had a lot of, you know, feelings for the poor. I don't know that they did. I think they got to where they got through really ruthless, brutal, pure competition. It was pure competition. It was just banging heads together, all and any means at your disposal. And now we live in a kinder and nicer society, but we can't forget that those things are a part of us. Competition is a part of us. Nature is a part of us. We can't get rid of it. We can't legislate it away from us. We're competitive beasts.

We want to go head to head. We want to win. That level of competition helps us. It shouldn't be as brutal and as ruthless. No, it should be. You just got to have rules for the game. You got to have rules for the game, but there needs to be a game. Yeah.

And that's part of the problem now is that everybody's like, well, there doesn't need to be a game. And it's like, no, there there does because people are incentivized and motivated you can't celebrate someone who comes in eighth place in the sport you just they just they're not good at it you can't you can't give a trophy to that kid you can't say everything's okay you can't you just can't anymore and then you know sometimes suck there be losers. Do you need to kill large amounts of people? Yes. Yeah. That's the deal. Come on.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Listen, it is one of those things where these fuckers were not playing around. And I know some dudes, like I know some people that know some people. I don't know them personally, but I know some of these bigger hedge fund, whatever. I know people that are in their orbit and around them. hedge fund, whatever. I know people that are in their orbit and around them. And those guys are guys that at the end of the day,

they get up every day, every minute of their day is spent trying to beat someone else. Right. That's it. And that's how you get ahead, especially in this country. That's how those guys get ahead. Like you have to get up. There's 20 comedians getting off a bus coming into New York that will work harder

than 20 guys right now that our careers are staggering. And one guy who wants to beat everybody? Nate Bargatze. Yeah, he is. He's a competitive fucker. He is, and he's doing great. So there's something to be said for that. You can't bread competition out of us. No, it's in us.

Were these guys competitive with each other? You think Vanderbilt? Oh yeah. Because they were...? You think Vanderbilt? Rockefeller embarrassed Vanderbilt's mentor. I think his name was Tom Scott. And I'm sorry, Carnegie's mentor. Carnegie's mentor was Tom Scott. Rockefeller embarrassed him. Or maybe it wasn't Tom Scott,

but whoever it was. And Carnegie didn't forget that. They were incredibly competitive with each other. Everybody wanted to be the top dog. Rockefeller ended up kind of being the top dog, but then Carnegie was the top dog for a while. I mean, listen, this whole history of America is cycles of newer money replacing older money. They wouldn't let JP Morgan in the Knickerbocker Club. It was this private elite club that's still on Fifth Avenue. They wouldn't let him in because he's a fat, obnoxious think me, think Bobby Kelly, but with money and success. elite club that's still on fifth Avenue. They wouldn't let him in because he's a fat obnoxious, you know,

think me, think Bobby Kelly, but with money and success, like a nasty billionaire version of either one of us, we're not going to get let into the private club. Yeah. He started his own club called the metropolitan club right across the street and said,

fuck you. And brought his goons in there. It's a, it's cycles of people going, fuck you. I'm here now. now and i'm gonna push you out that's kind of what it's always been and now it's done with a lot more lawyering and a lot less straight up thuggery but there's still a lot of thuggery and that's kind of what it's always going to be it's not going to be anything different than that. Even in these socialist communist countries, there are still these beast dudes and they end up running things. You know what I mean?

Vladimir Putin, like who's Vladimir Putin? Vladimir Putin's a guy that rose to the top of a hierarchy. He rose to the top because he's a ruthless, uncompromising stone cold killer. Yeah. Okay. That's the people that are going to rise to the top of those hierarchies no matter what they are.

Right. Now, in conclusion. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, by the way, is one of those people, too. I'm telling you that. She believes people should have a livable wage. And she's not wrong on a lot of the things she believes, by the way. But what I'm saying is she's a lot smarter that people give her credit for and the way the right wing is choosing to go at her mistake so stupid stupid so bad they're making a martyr out of her yeah she'll be the president in eight years

i said the same fucking thing president she's gonna be the president yeah because guess what what's her thing we're gonna tax people to make more than 10 million 70 percent everyone's for that everyone is for soaking the rich 10 million a year there's so much criminality there's a separate set of rules everyone is kind of for that the republicans are trying to shame her and go at her she's going to be the president in eight years big mistake you heard it here first in history yeah in conclusion i just want to say in conclusion what was the downfall of the vanderbilts and then we'll end on that well the downfall of the vanderbilts was that they didn't have any Cornelius anymore.

It was just six generations of people without the real. So they didn't plan for where the market was going. They didn't have a visionary guy. They didn't have a guy. They just kind of just ended in Anderson Cooper. It was just. Yeah. Now he lives in a firehouse.

It was a pool of money that just, you know, got smaller and smaller and smaller. And then Gloria Vanderbilt had Anderson Cooper. Anderson Cooper just fucks dudes in a firehouse and turns back on Kathy Griffin. And he's on Watch What Happens Live tomorrow with Andy Cohen. But let's be honest. Cornelius to Andy. What a journey.

Well, there you have it. The Vanderbilts, the Gilded Age, history hyenas. Really, this is our first two weeks. We're going two a week. So you were actually the first of our two weeks. Oh, wow. Because now we're going twice a week.

Two first. So you were an inaugural guest. I appreciate it. Tim J. Dillon on Instagram and Twitter, D-I-L-L-O-N. And listen to the podcast. Yeah, Tim Dillon's going to hell. We have a lot of fun. Yeah.

Thank you. And find, there's going to be more bonus shit from us at patreon.com slash BayRidgeBoys. Join the matriarchy. Let's suck some dicks. Yeah! ប្រូវាប់ប់ប្រូវាប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប�វតែលាប់ប់ប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប� Thanks for watching!