History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 60 - Andrew Schulz is WILD!!!

Episode Date: March 17, 2019

The Boys are joined by Andrew Schulz (or Chris depending on which angle you are viewing from) to talk about ballet or ballroom dancing and the comedy business. WILD!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up, cuzzy wuzzies? You're listening to the Bay Ridge Boys, History Hyenas, Bad. What's up everybody? Welcome back to Kukukstan and another episode of the History Hyenas. I'm Chris DiStefano, a.k.a. Chrissy Gayheart. With me, as always, Giannis Pappas, a.k.a. Pussyhat Pappas. I was hoping you were going to unveil that new nickname. I think you hit the home run with that one.

Pussyhat Pappas. P-p-p-p-p-p-pappas is up there. P-kipsy Pappas is up there. But Pussyhat Pappas? Absolutely. I think it took the crown from Obi-Wan Cucknobby. But Ku Klux Chrissy D is still high up there. Speaking of Ku Klux Chrissy D, we have your tag team partner in the building.

Alt-right Andy Andrew Schultz. Yeah. Yeah, he's here. Where's the applause button, you fucking muzzy? You put up the Ari Shaffir episode three weeks early. You dumb fucking Muzzy. You're a fucking Sandra Dee and you put up the episodes early, but that's okay. That's why we love you.

I think what we love about the podcast and what we hope the fans love about the podcast is how it just goes off the rails, on air, off air, on social media, off social media. It's just a complete off the rails kind of potty wotty that you learned something with through history or a topic that we've chosen. Yeah, we're hyenas. I'll explain to you what happened. So me and Chris did a full campaign on social media,

posting videos, stories, saying, hey, this is the new deal we're going twice a week our Ari Shafir episode is up on Patreon for our non-toots those are the people who pay

you know on Patreon we call them non-toots and then the next day it was just up for everybody so we are wild you just don't

this episode right now could air last week we have no idea what Zach Ice is going to do because he's currently working for Caliphate and he's too busy building bombs. Or you can just, Andrew could be saying such poignant, amazing things and his mic is just not on.

Yeah, that could happen. Anything could fucking happen. I just love that he rolls around with a Space Jam hat. And bangs out pieces. Because I saw him at the comic strip this weekend. He rolled, I was up after him, right? So I was sitting by the bar. He rolls out with a fucking,

talk about, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Like I, in my brain, I didn't want to disrespect him. So I took out my peace guns and I went, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. And I shot it down with my mind. See, the thing is with Giannis

is because, you know, he's about to get married. He's going to be a married cat. He, I'm sure she was a beautiful girl. I'm sure she was a beautiful girl. I'm sure she was a beautiful girl. I've seen you, the dimes that you hook up with. But he gets excited about sevens because he just, he's like, and he's very scared of women and he can't, he's just a very kind of,

the thing about Giannis is kind of similar to me. We're two gay kids. We're gay, but we can't say it for different reasons he can't say it because it's Greek heritage and I can't say it because my father's still alive so that's just you know so it's what it is so when he told me about the piece I was like

I'm sure she's fucking amazingly hot but Giannis is just a kid who's backed up right now he walked out you walked out like a Roman Emperor he came out of the showroom. So she was for Rome? She was for Rome. Okay, so very quickly. Mater pater, excuse me, I'm taking your daughter.

She's a property of the state. So let me just quickly explain. I know, well, maybe the fans don't know if you're new to this podcast. You can go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys and get all the shit that we have to offer where you really learn the lingo and you learn about us. And there's so much behind the scenes stuff. So go there if you want to be a non-tude because right now you're listening for free and you're a tude. But what For Rome means, Andrew, you were asking us before, is what we said is a girl is so hot, like the girl that you had with you this weekend, is so hot that in ancient times, because Giannis is a very mean-spirited person. Deep down. He just wants to hurt people.

He would take that woman away from her mom and dad because she's so hot. They'd be screaming, crying, and he would tie her up in the basement in his harem, and she would be used for his sexual pleasures. And she would now be the property of the state of Rome because she's so beautiful. Yeah. So that's one category. Another category of a girl is what, first of all, the thing that you have to know to preface all this is we break things down into two

categories. And this is women, this is places, this is experiences. It's either fumes or no fumes. Yeah. So if it has fumes, meaning like, you know, it started off with, you know, how the pubic area smells. Genitalia smells. Obviously that's fumes. A girl or guy has fumes means their balls or their pussy smells. Most likely

men and women, the more northern country they come from, the less fumes they have. As you start to and women, the more northern country they come from, the less fumes they have. As you start to go south, the fumes go up. Well, no, equator's fumes. You go down, black kids got no fumes. Black kids got no fumes. They smell like cocoa butter.

You know that. They always smell like incense and cocoa butter. So with being said with fumes or no fumes, there are women who are so hot, kind of at the level of a farome, that we call swim-throughs, meaning they're so beautiful that even if she had fumes or no fumes, there are women who are so hot, kind of at the level of a farome, that we call swim-throughs. Meaning they're so beautiful that even if she had fumes,

you'd swim through sewage to bang that out. So that's what it is. The fumes become irrelevant. Yeah, so that's where, just a brief, you know. Yeah, and any girl that's hot, she could go deep. We just say she's a Randy Moss

or an Odell Beckham, or that just means she could go deep, she could catch it. And places can have fumes. Crowds can have fumes. You know, like Comedy Cellar has no fumes, but sometimes the Fat Black Pussycat has fumes. The crowds suck.

You know, it's just what it is. So it's things like that. It can be applied to a thousand different things. But Schultz is on today to talk about fucking ballet. Because Schultz, you know, he just, all right, Andy, was just raised in a ballet studio. We got a lot. Not ballet. Not ballet?

No. What is it? Ballroom dance. Ballroom dance. Yes. Even gayer. Yes. Absolutely.

We got a lot of fans who are excited right now because we have a lot of Flagrant 2 fans, I think, who listen to us. Asshole Army, what's up? We got a lot. We do have a lot. We do have a lot. Almost any time any black kid who joins our Patreon, I just know is a fan from Flagrant Hill. When I was in D.C. And it's beautiful.

Keep it tight. It's beautiful. When I did the Comedy Loft in D.C. after one of the shows, there was just like 10 black dudes in a row on the way out. They were just like, yo, yo. They threw up a couple ass. Yeah, they threw up some assholes. There we go so

appreciate that appreciate you having us on of course man I support you guys I think I've always supported you guys if I I'm not mistaken when you guys started

the Bay Ridge Boys thing yes you did which Giannis has lost faith in now by the way Giannis doesn't want to do Bay Ridge Boys episodes anymore I wouldn't

yeah wow alright you agree only because it's too much work the way you guys were doing it for the reward. Wow. That's exactly what I was saying. And we did not talk about this.

Just- I wouldn't. I would do- Because you guys- I mean, if I may speak- No, that's why we're here. Completely, honestly. Yeah.

It was so well done. It's hard to take you seriously with the Space Jam hat, though. I know. Sorry, man. You got Gotta rep R. Kelly still baby Yeah You make it work though So there's So yeah

So it was like It was just so beautifully Put together And like you know I was sharing it with everybody I tried to get the clips Over to Mullet But I think he was

Already watching them His wife caught it Yeah his wife Yeah yeah So I had some people Like some NBA Connect some of mine Kind of get them over there Andullet but i think he was already watching him his wife yeah yeah so i had some people like some nba connects of mine kind of get them over there and it was just so good it's so funny but right now to like create that put that operation together on a weekly basis you guys are doing something that was so beautiful and you're competing against you know a bunch of like instagram guys who can do that in their house with iphones right so what i would do

is just encapsulate that same thing but just do it in their house with iPhones so what I would do is just encapsulate that same thing but just do it in like 60 second sketches on your phones because you guys were the stars nobody was watching

like those are some beautiful shots look at that editing let me give a fuck they're like oh look how funny these guys are you could do

all those sketches that you did in one episode every single one of them could be done with your phones yeah so you're saying the sensibility is changing.

It's like nobody cares about the production value. Because the investment is so much less, right? It's like when you're on Instagram looking at it, most people saw that in between a bus stop. Yeah. Right? They're on the subway. They're waiting for the R.

They just changed it 40 seconds. And they're like, all right, what's going to distract me? And they're like, holy shit, this is funny. I got to show all my friends. If you're at home sitting on your Apple TV watching the episode, taking it all in, yeah, it's worth that kind of investment. this is funny i gotta show all my friends if you're at home sitting on your apple tv watching the episode taking it all in yeah it's worth that kind of investment but that's not how we watch it yeah it's either game of thrones or king back it's really true yeah just really is like everything's

so extreme like even like what we're doing right now like we're doing right now even this is like the comedy version of ben shapiro right right like the internet is so polarized right it's like i'm super conservative super liberal we're super offensive and funny we're super liberal and cucky right right there's no middle ground on the internet it's like how did trump become president i'm crazy this way right and. Right. And then you figure it out and you kind of roll back in. Right. Right. It almost turns people off when you, when you don't, when you, when you.

When you're reasonable. When you're reasonable, it turns people off. What the fuck was reasonable? Yeah. They're like, that's not entertaining. Check out this clip. It's super reasonable. Hey, you should see this dunk.

He like kind of lays it in. You want to see Zion jump through the fucking ceiling. That was insane. That was nuts. When he blocked it, he didn't, jump through the fucking ceiling. That was insane. That was nuts. When he blocked it, he didn't. This was the craziest thing. He jumped early because he knew he could meet it in the air. I know.

Yeah. He did. Like you and I would go at the guy and put our hand up last second because we needed to block it on release. And we're three white guys, so we wouldn't even try to jump. We would try to just get a body on him. No, what I would do. Stay in front of your head.

Hit the fucking belly button. Yeah. You hit the belly. That's the white guy defensive move. No, what I would do, what I would do, hit the fucking belly button. You hit the belly. That's the white guy defensive move. That's the old man block. That's the old man. You would always hit the down. You just use the defensive. You know what?

You use what you can. So I would hit him in the belly button, flick him in the dick, try to step on their shoe. Or run past them and scream a noise. Ah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you go,

or you go, or you go, ball! Like when you tapped it. Yeah, yeah. Even though you never even came close, you could get their fucking head. Yeah, Zion was like, no, I'm going to take! Like when you tapped it. Yeah, yeah. Even though you never even came close. Yeah. You could get their fucking hands. Yeah, Zion was like, no, I'm going to take the shot out of the air.

It was insane. Crazy. I want the Knicks to get him now. Now I'm back on board with Zion. Oh, of course. 14% chance. Have you ever seen like one of those videos where like a pit bull jumps over a fence? Yeah.

That was the leap. Yeah, it was unbelievable. You know, like where they're like, there's no way he could possibly get up this high. Yeah, when you're the number one player on SportsCenter or blocking a jump shot that's very impressive somebody made somebody how did we end up

talking about this oh from Bay Ridge Boys yeah yes so it was just like I think that should be done weekly and I think you can do it

weekly from your I mean this is part of that like yeah like there's some like when I was telling Chris about like Benders you know we did

the show Benders and I was like Chris let's redo that let's continue that show yeah at least end it give them some resolution and then we can just do one minute sketches continuing show we don't need the whole fucking episode yeah we don't need like when we would do that there'd be a hundred people on the crew yeah is it worth the 10 laughs no it can't be yeah right it's like there's no way dude i knew it was over When we were doing a sketch

For like MTV And there were like 40 people for this sketch Yeah And I was like Oh this is done What do you mean There's 40 people for this

There was like The fucking The executives Oh right right right A person's bringing Bagels and cream cheese And the Dunkin Donuts Box coffee

And I'm like Oh this is not necessary buddy Not anymore You know I was thinking That when we shot The opening for your special Yeah And it took like Four hours or whatever And there was a trailer Make a piece Not necessary buddy Not anymore You know I was thinking that When we shot the opening For your special Yeah And it took like four hours

Or whatever And there was a trailer Make a piece I was like What's the point Most people fast forwarded Through it anyway Yeah you could've

But you could've got The same quality You could've got The same quality Short sketch Or whatever you wanna call it Yeah With like

Just a guy with a HD camera You want me to show you The opening Yeah I just shot a new trailer. Yeah. Can we show it?

I haven't shown anybody. You can show it. Yeah, you can show it. Can we do that, Zach? Unleashing it for the non-toots. Non-toots are getting this first. Non-toots are getting a lot of shit for free right now, so you should just fucking do what's good,

do what's right for your country, and just fucking join the patreon.com slash bayridgeboys. Join it right now, because you're getting a lot of shit for free. So go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Be a part of the matriarchy and do what's right for your country and vote Republican 2020. I said be a part of the matriarchy, bro. Where's the Wei Shunxi?

Wei Shunxi. Wei Shunxi. I'm just kidding. Thank you. That's funny that just saying vote Republican has to get a Wei Shunxi. Yeah, it does have to get a Wei Shunxi. If you're in the comedy community you just have to you just have to

I just realized the non-toots our Patreon members are basically the high ranking females of our cackle because they get to eat first so all the toots are sitting around cackling but they get chased off by the higher ranking big clit non-toots

pseudo penis you ever seen a hyena pseudo penis yeah yeah I only know about But they get chased off by the higher ranking. Big clit non-tooth. Yes. Pseudo penis. You ever seen a hyena pseudo penis? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's fucking wild. I only know about that because of you guys. Yeah, well, we talked about it on Brilliant Idiots the first time. You talked about it on Idiots, but you would always post. I was like, what is his fascination with hyenas?

Because they're wild. And also the way you say hyenas is very unique. It started off as just me being dumb, but now it's a marketing ploy to make people remember. Yeah, and it works. Because whenever I see the word hyena, I think about you saying it with an extra H. Wrong, yeah. A lot of people hit me up and they say that, which is good. Now, you want to know what's funny about the three of us that I just realized?

First of all, New York's in the building again today. First of all, the fact that we're three white guys talking about comedy, this is a hate crime. Yeah. Right now. Yeah, this episode needs a way Jean-C. Yeah, this is racist and this is fucking disgusting and this should be a part

of the green deal. You should just carry Akash in your pocket to pull him out when you need him. Akash is way more conservative than any of us. I know, I know. Indian kids are the best. When he pulled out that slavery joke, I was like, wow. You have an Android, right? You have an iPhone? So here we go.

Queens, Manhattan, Brooklyn. Again, like last time we had Tim Dillon, it was Long Island. Yes. But here's the interesting thing about us, I believe. Yeah. Okay? You're a Queens kid. I'm a Queens borough kid.

You're a Queens, like I've said before, you're a Queens accent is so strong, it comes with a Mets hat and should be in a speech therapist's office. At all times. It's a speech. It's an impediment for your speech. It's almost like my voice sounds like if you ever see, like if you could press a button and make a garbage truck talk. Yes.

At the back of it. If that was its mouth that was crushing the garbage, it would sound like this. Like, I'm just crushing the garbage here. If they created a character on Sesame Street that was a garbage truck, you would get the back of it. If that was its mouth that was crushing the garbage, it would sound like this. Like, I'm just crushing the garbage here. If they created a character on Sesame Street that was a garbage truck, you would get the voiceover role. I would 100% do it. Yes. You're the transformer.

Yeah. Well, let's, yeah, I would. It is gevorm, not a piece. Yeah. Yeah. It's just what a language was that. That was Dutch. Oh, I like that.

But here's the deal. This is what I think is interesting about this. Yeah. Is that you're the Queen's kid who didn't meet a Jew until he was 23 years old. That's a true story. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm a Park Slope kid, right? Yeah. So I knew you kids because I was from Brooklyn. Private school. But I went to school in the city. Yeah. So I, you know, and so I'm the- Where'd you go to school again?

York Prep. Oh, I know York. Yeah. Where Robert Chambers, the Central Park murderer went. Oh, I didn't know that Yeah Yeah Way before me but

And so I knew Andrew's this cool Fucking city kid Right Friends of black Yeah you know Played a little hoops Banked chicks

Yeah You know sat smoke We talked deep His parents owned a ballet studio But he also listened to Tribe Called Quest Definitely did not listen To Tribe Called Quest

No you didn't No no Never listened to Wu-Tang I wasn't that city kid. What were you? I actually had black friends. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. But you didn't listen? No, nobody did. We listened to fucking Wayne and we listened to like- You're younger than me. That's what it is. You think? Yeah, because Tribe, that's my generation.

He's 10 years older than us. Don't make it more than it is. How much? I'm 35. How old are you? 40? 43. Eight and nine. Eight and nine. Okay. Yeah, but no, for me, I thought Wu-Tang was more than it is. I'm 35. How old are you? 40? 43. 8 and 9.

8 and 9. Okay. Yeah, but no, for me, I thought Wu-Tang was more of a suburban thing. And Tribe was more like a suburban thing. It was like a safe gateway to black culture. But that's interesting. That's really interesting for me to learn because my generation, it was the shit. Really?

Yeah. It was like, I guess, eight years earlier, it was the new shit. That's fair. Yeah. Right. But Andrew, I almost called you Drew. You can call me Drew. Yeah, Drew.

As long as it's not Andy. Drew sounds douchey, though, right? My friend Drew. Yeah. But I roll with it. Yeah. It's not, I mean, all right. Alt-right Andy.

All right Andy. That's a 10 out of 10 nickname. Clue Clucks Chrissy and Alt-right Andy are fucking hilarious nicknames. A lot of fumes, guys. A lot of fumes. Well, no. No, he's Scottish and I'm German are fucking hilarious. A lot of fumes, guys. A lot of fumes. Well, no. No one's got fumes. No, he's Scottish and I'm German.

We don't have fumes. No fumes. The names have fumes, but we're fumeless. We don't have fumes. Scottish shit has no fumes. Scottish kind of fume-y, bro. Have you been to Scotland? Well, yeah, because he says that Scotland is like the white trash of the UK.

I did not say that. I thought you said that. Yeah, I mean, you just. Oh, Wales. Yeah, Wales has got to be there. Oh, okay, so it's not- You guys are not disrespecting one country, just shitting on another one.

Another one, they're little. Yeah. By the way, he's probably the best fighter of all time, I think. Calzaghe? Calzaghe. Doesn't get the credit. Wales.

He's a Wales kid. That's why I brought it up. What was he? A light heavyweight of all time? Super middleweight? Super middleweight. Super middleweight. Undefeated.

Yeah. We talked about that before. Yeah, yeah. Quick hands, doesn't get the credit he deserves. Yeah, yeah, white guy. But anyway,

Schultz, he's the New York kid. Manhattan kids are so ahead of the rest of the world. Like, we're from the boroughs, so we get a little late.

But I'm sort of like the liaison between your two worlds is what I'm saying. Yes, yes, yes. Because I remember introducing my friends to the city

because I went to school in the city and they didn't know girls like that or like, you know, rich, hot girls and like, that was my scene.

That's right, the little private school girls. Yeah, I started then. Yes. What was the other ones? Columbia, Prep, Spence,

Riverdale, not Christian, Collegiate. What were the private school, those Catholic girls? Nightingale. Nightingale. Nightingale. We went to Europe with a fireman who knew you.

Who? Oh, John Paul Petit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. JP. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kid was getting fucking crushed every night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The way that those firemen drink, the way that we saw them,

like what we witnessed was, I don't know. I never felt safer, but also never felt like more in a dangerous situation with those kids because they would get so inebriated. Like JP, I don't know how he could stand up after what he would do. I mean, some of these guys would just fall asleep on the street outside the hotel, wake up. One guy, you know, this guy Terry just kept calling us homos for going on history tours. He was like, you guys are fucking gay. Homos is a nice way to say it. You know, he called us hard faggots a few times.

Really? Oh, yeah. We were in Germany, you know. Was it the F or with the P-H? No, I mean, he's an Irish fireman. He was 60 years old. You think he's dancing around that word? Yeah.

Our guy says pretty hot and glamorous for P-H-A-G. Oh. Yeah. Faggot. Our guy says pretty hot and glamorous For P-H-A-G Oh Yeah If it's with a P-H It's not the word It's like fat It's a different word So he knows you

How do you know him? So he was raised in Manhattan then I think he was a Manhattan kid Kids like that don't usually come out to be firemen, right? No, and he wanted to be like I think a fighter pilot when we were a kid or something like that, but then as he's gotten older he seems way more borough

Yeah, way more It's an interesting thing, it's like the people who are from the island of Manhattan just audibly sound less New York than the people in the outer boroughs I never thought I had an accent. And then it's so weird. Even when I went, I didn't realize I had an accent until I went to California.

Right. They think I sound like you. Yeah. Wow. They literally think I sound like you. And I didn't even notice it until I came back. Like, you met my boy, Jameel. Sure, yeah.

Right? So I didn't realize my boy, Jameel, had an accent until I came back from California. And I was like, whoa, bro, you have a thick fucking New York accent. Yeah. And then I was like, do I also sound like it was a crazy. Yeah. Cause to me,

you don't, I would, if you were from Scotland. So like I'm hearing Scottish. She's from Scotland. She's from there. From there. Wow.

Yeah. My dad is in Manhattan boy. Yeah. So he's from Manhattan, born and raised. Yeah. Well, he moved to Jersey when he was like 14 or something like that.

Yeah. So it's like, I come from generations of this shit. Yeah. Of like proper English. Right. Right. So apparently, I guess it came in a little bit more, but it's weird. You know how like when you're around different people, like if I'm around like my boys, boys

all of a sudden more like hood slang will come out. You know what I mean? I'm from around Chrissy, all of a sudden like real like New York like Long Island shit will come out we had a house out on the beach so I'd be my summer's in Long Island so like all of a sudden this Long Island stuff

it's really weird and people are always like oh you just you know sound like whatever and it's like yeah that's how like humans socialize yeah that's what social creatures do

literally what smart people do is speak in a way so they're understood yeah well it's just you know just products of habit because anytime I'm in Ridgewood going back to visit my mother for the weekend, as I'm driving

out of Ridgewood going down Seneca Avenue You just yell the N word a few times. No, because Seneca Avenue I'll just be like, you know, we gotta get a wall. I get the wall. But then as I'm back in Bay Ridge assimilating talking to

you put your Hillary button on yeah then I'm like you know that's horrible blah blah blah but you know what I mean you know what I say on stage now I go my MAGA my MAGA

that's all I had to say MAGA please MAGA please MAGA did you see that article I sent you today about Jussie Smollett? Yeah. Whatever about- Well, that's been bubbling for a while.

No, but now his neighbors are like, yeah, he wasn't- He called that shit out a minute ago. What fucking- So he says that the guys called him a F word, M word from empire, and then they go, this is MAGA country. And it's like, what Trump supporter that's homophobic and racist watches Empire? That's how I knew that shit. That demographic does not exist at all.

There is not one person who voted Trump who could identify a cast member of Empire. The fringe cast member. He's not even a star. He's just a side gay. So what do you think happened? Ex-boyfriend. Yes. Thousand percent.

Or a guy who was fucking like. Grind or shit. Or he slipped. Or he slipped on the ice or something. What do you mean? Like, or he slipped. Here's,

I know all the facts because I've been obsessed with this. You can't wait. I am, I'm obsessed. Here's the deal. Yeah. So,

okay. First of all, it was, I think negative 20 with wind wind chill in Chicago that day. Negative 20. Do you know how fucking cold that is? Just taking a stroll in negative 20. Negative 20.

Negative 20 degrees in fucking Chicago. This was during the polar vortex or whatever it was. Yeah. So the kid decides he wants to go get a Subway sandwich. A Subway sandwich at negative 20. In an area that's like- A lot of fumes, guys. A lot of fumes.

This story's got fumes. Yo. Fumes. Yeah. So he goes, he gets the Subway. By the way, so this is like one of the, there's the most surveillance cameras like in the country in this area of Chicago. Of course, in Chicago.

Yeah, yeah. Chirac. So they basically have him on surveillance coming back from, they have him in the subway by himself getting a subway sandwich. Then they have him on surveillance walking back from the subway. Yeah. Except for like 60 seconds. Right.

So there's only 60 seconds where he's not on camera. 100 hours of footage. Yeah. So they have him on footage. They don't see anyone else. This is how wild the story is. There's no one else in the area because it's 20 below!

There's nobody in the area at that time at all. There's no one fleeing. There's no one approaching. He emerges after where you can't see him for about 60 seconds, holding the Subway sandwich, and he's got a noose around his neck.

But he's still holding the Subway sandwich. He's got a noose around his neck. Right. But he's still holding the Subway sandwich. Right. He claims he was on the phone with his manager while he was being attacked. So he's holding the Subway sandwich, holding a phone,

somehow gets a noose around his neck all in 60 seconds. If it happened, it happened in 60 seconds and again, there's no footage of anyone fleeing

or anything. So it had to be Make America Great Again ghosts that did it. Because, hey, listen to my theory. It could be ghosts. Because, first of all, ghosts are not visible to rational people or to surveillance cameras. So, boom, we checked it off. Two, ghosts are fucking racist and homophobic because they're from the past.

And that's a racist and homophobic time. They can't even believe this kid's on TV. They're from the past. So they hate this kid. Yeah. Okay? And three, it didn't happen. Yeah.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Let's say you're a ghost, right? Right. And you just have to be in this one house for your whole life because that's how ghosts work. Right. And they just happen to love Empire.

And you're this racist, homophobic ghost. And now you got the chance. You're just walking around with a real noose. We don't know how you've done that. But you managed to hold real things, even though you're still a ghost. Even though you're still a ghost, yeah. I mean, the story might fall apart a little bit, but let's go with it. Wait, but you forgot, it's also 20 below.

If you're dead, does cold bother you? Absolutely. I forgot about that fact. It was fucking ghosts. Absolutely a fucking ghost, man. You're 100% right. You haven't heard that theory anywhere on Breakfast Club

or anything like that. And who in 20 Below is just walking around with fucking bleach and a noose? Bleach freezes at what temperature? I don't know.

They said that they were testing a hot sauce bottle because they thought it smelled like bleach or hot sauce. That's what the Chicago Police Department actually said in a statement. They were like, it kind of smells like hot sauce but we they thought it smelled like bleach or hot sauce. That's what the Chicago Police Department actually said in a statement.

They were like, it kind of smells like hot sauce, but we're testing it just to see if it is bleach. But now the question is, so what happens to him if this is proven false? In Illinois, I think it's an actual crime to consciously... Because he's getting speaking engagement. I mean, he's

getting shit right now. If it comes back that it was a hoax or like a Tawana Brawley situation. Yeah. You guys ever heard of Tawana Brawley? Why do I know that name? Wild story. Is she who got? She said she was raped.

It was an old New York story that dominated. You know, when New York, before the internet, when local news was the news in the city, like New York used to be dominated by local stories. And Tawana Brawley was like, it was front page for so long, it turned out she was lying about the whole thing. She said, you know, it's crazy, crazy story. Right. So, I mean, you know, it could have happened.

I'll just say it could have happened. It just seems, it seems based on the evidence that you'd see people approaching or fleeing from the incident on surveillance. Right. Which they don't have, which is wild. All right. So I think it's ghosts. Yeah, we fucking brought that up.

But so ballroom dancing, speaking of gay shit. When you said, when we brought up the options. It was Jack Johnson. Jack Johnson. Or ballet. And you went ballet. I went, yes. Because ballet is fun.

Yes. So my mom is a three-time U.S. ballroom dance champion. Get the fuck out. Or ballet And you went ballet I went yes Yeah Cause ballet's Yeah Yes So my mom is a three time US ballroom dance champion Get the fuck out Sick She's like the goat Of her generation When it comes to dancing

The lady can move Literally And she's got She's got a Scottish accent When she does it Was she a piece back in the day Of course she was A little model

A little model back in the day In Scotland Which I don't know If it was that hard Scotland Scotland Yeah yeah It'd be tough to be a hot girl and not hear the...

Yeah, yeah. No, no. I'm a beautiful woman. You're like, yeah, you're beautiful, but your fucking accent sounds gross. Scottish accent sounds like Mike Mush looks. Mike Mush. Why are you here? Mike the Mush just showed up with his shaved head like he's about to go on a killing spree.

Mike the Mush looks like an emoji. Yeah. Does he look like an emoji? Mush, why are you here? I was supposed to observe Zach with the train remuneration. Oh, you want to learn how to do things wrong? Yeah. Just watch Zach and then do the opposite.

All right, welcome to the show, Mikey Mush. That is funny. Okay, so three-time champion, peace, ballroom dancer, no fumes. Go. No fumes. Because you just said his mom has no fumes. You said you wanted to bang my mom. I said I could bang your mom, but you just said it without warming him up or anything.

I mean, you're talking about his mother. I'm not saying she has no fumes. It is. What was that, robot language? What was that, Stephen Hawking? Albanian. Oh, nice. That's how disrespectful They are to Albanians

They didn't even get a guy To say it Yeah They just put on a robot Robot Okay so three time Ballroom champion Yeah

And who was your How did your pops Bag that up He was in the audience No my father was A news producer For NBC for years Sweet

And he did a story On my mom Nice And then like So that would have been Completely illegal in 2019 It would have been completely illegal in 2019 it would have been me too'd fucking 1000% workplace harassment

he slow played it like crazy he brought like a different girl to go get the dance lessons but my dad comes from a generation where you took ballroom dancing as a kid like we took karate as a kid that was a form of exercise something that kids did so he

knew a little bit about it my dad's got a crazy he should come on history iena's i mean his his memory is going but like he did the first ever uh story on on rap music for nbc really yeah like he uh went up to like the bronx and interviewed grandmaster flash he interviewed russell simmons when he was in a little studio smaller than this not even studio just like a little office he had two chairs and a phone on the ground. Wow. And Russell was telling him about how hip-hop was going to be the main thing. It was going to be the shit.

That's crazy. That's crazy. It's like, dude, he revived swing dancing. Remember when swing was in Gap, the commercial and shit? That's just because of my dad. How? And he's been written out of history because he's a white guy, but he literally, it's like it's it's fucking unreal what he did how did he bring it back so he was he randomly was going to um a dance they would do these dances up in harlem every once once in a year and they were at like

the cotton club i think it was called which if it's not called that it's really racist so i hope that it is called oh i hope it's not it just sounds like you pulled that out of the movie harlem nights what was that black store they had up there fucking american history x so i think it was called fubu whatever yeah so he's up there and uh they're going to this dance him and my mom are just going to see it and uh and they were like some very uh old black people were still doing the the lindy hop and the the dance of the time uh from the 20s and uh and then they had some like youth come out and do it and they weren't really doing it that well and he asked

the woman who ran the thing it was like a once a year kind of benefit thing and she's like why aren't the the kids doing this why aren't they like you know respecting like the the true art the tradition they're like oh they just don't care and he just thought the dance was so beautiful that he was like well this can't die we have to pass this on and so he literally him my mom literally created a fucking swing dance scene he used his like this time he'd already moved over to to run the business with my mom and they started putting on dance events so he booked these guys two guys al minns and frankie manning and they booked them to dance and do these shows and then they created places for people to go dance and they'd be booked them to dance and do these shows and then they created places for people to go dance and they started teaching lessons al menz and frankie manning would teach this specific

style of swing at the studio and these like like three swedish people came and they just took lessons and studied with them and then they spread that all throughout europe i believe it that's what i and then the scene started bubbling up in the city and all of a sudden you see movies like Swingers pop up and you see like the Gap commercial. There was this big swing boom

and I'll tell you one thing. This is the craziest thing. It's something I learned from it. My folks were never like wealthy from this. You know what I mean? They were fine but they were the only

dance studio that specialized in this type of dance. There was a West Coast swing which was a little bit more like Brian Setzer Orchestra a little whiter version of it. I mean you West Coast swing, which is a little bit more like Brian Setzer Orchestra, a little whiter version of it. I mean, you're saying that

like we would know who that is. Papa's got a... Do you remember? Is that a big hit on the neutral staircase? No. Oh, fuck. Yeah. If I played the song,

you guys would... Big Bad, Voodoo Daddy, there are these bands. I know that one. Do you know the movie Swingers? Yes. You know the final scene where he dances? Yes.

It's like that song that's playing. Okay. That movie had a lot to do with bringing it back, or was it a product of it coming back? That was product of something that had existed there already because of this. Oh, wow. So this is like deep down. This is Dogtown Z-Boys versus Tony Hawk. What year are we talking then?

This is a long time ago, man. 80s? I don't know the exact year. Okay. But all I know is that they were the only ones that were teaching this official Lindy-style swing, which is the one that grew up, kind of created in Harlem. And they were the only ones teaching it, and they were teaching with Frankie Manning, who was the original guy from it, right?

You have the fucking source, right? And that shit fucking exploded. And my parents' business was the only one that was ready. My dad never did it for money, never did it for anything. He did it because he didn't want to see it die. Right. And it's like the universe rewarded them and their fucking business exploded.

Wow. Like, I remember seeing it happen. They moved out of my folk studio to a bigger studio, 40 people, a class, classes every single night of the week. We're talking about stupid money. They bought a beach house. They bought a,

and it was literally because they went in with no intention of trying to like make money. It was all passion. It was like when Zumba blew up. Everybody just wanted to do fucking Zumba. That guy was just doing Zumba for years. He just wanted to do it for himself. He just wanted to do it Zumba. That guy was just doing Zumba for years. He just wanted to do it for himself. He just wanted to do it, and now it's-

You watch the passion blossom into a viable- That's it. He just cared about it. He didn't want that to die. He was like, this is important art. Yeah, I fucking love this art. Because your apartment was half studio, half your apartment, so you were like home watching these- you watched this shit from home.

Well, when we moved in, the studio had moved out. You must have seen some fucking pieces coming to your house. Dude, they had the Knicks City Dancers would practice there. Wow. In the 90s

when the Knicks were winning. The place smelled like feet. It wasn't a dojo, but it wasn't the most amazing. Yeah, a lot of feet. It smells like corn chips. Doesn't it? Corn chip smell.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cuz, have you ever been in a dance studio? Well, just Andrew's apartment. Yeah. Oh, actually, no. And then in Ridgewood, my Aunt Eileen and my cousin Elena, Elena used to go to Miss Arlene's dance studio.

And I would sometimes have to wait. My Aunt Eileen would be watching Elena. But my mom wasn't home from work yet. So I would sit and be doing my homework watching the dance, you know, girls dance. With Eileen there? Aunt Eileen was there. That's when you could still smoke cigarettes on the inside,

and she would usually yell at me for eating my boogers. Yeah. Yeah. She would, yeah. Yeah. So your mother would be away, she'd be watching you. Yeah. And her daughter would be taking dance classes.

Dance classes, yeah. Yeah. So the dance studio. Is Aunt Eileen likes to smoke cigarettes? Yeah, that's how she talks. So I do this voice for Aunt Eileen. Chris, your mother's coming home in four hours. If you do your homework, I'll let you go to the basketball court to work on your jump shot.

So you can try to push down what happened to you in the bathroom. Yeah. You're just like your Uncle Russell. You're holding in the fact that you're gay. Yeah. Does Andy know about Russ? No, my Uncle Russell, he's a cat judge. He's a cat judge.

Like a world-renowned cat judge in the sense that you bring up- He's also fabulous. Well, but he's, he's, nobody knows. Nobody knows. He hangs out with his friend. He hangs out with his friend,

David, six foot four, old shooting guard for Ohio state basketball. Now president of a big company. And they just kind of run around with turtlenecks on. And so he used to breed cats. He used to breed cats, but he, he's like now a world-renowned cat competition judge.

Helen Hong, the comedian Helen Hong, once hit me up on Facebook. She's like, hey, I met your Uncle Russell. She was like, we were flying to Air China, and she was being flown out there for something big. And she was in first class and business class, and my uncle was like in first class, like a $40,000 round-trip ticket. That he just goes because he can see a cat, and he grades it and does all this like a dog show but they have it for cats and it's huge in china iceland norway right and he does it all and it's just funny that like growing up in ridgewood which is like an old school blue collar working class neighborhood like fit my 15 year old uncle was just silently judging these cats in his head, walking

through the neighborhood being like, I give that a seven. That's not the only thing he was judging. He was seeing guys walk by going, ooh-wee. Ooh-wee. Yeah. If you think for one second your genes and what you are has nothing to do with how Uncle Russell broke out of that Ridgewood grind, you got another thing coming. Yeah.

Well, my dad and my dad- You got the gay gene is what Ridgewood grind. Yeah. You got another thing coming. Yeah. Well, my dad, my dad. You got the gay gene is what I'm saying. Yeah. My dad always had a hunch that Uncle Russell was maybe gay because like he says like when they first went down for like we're first having dinner, like me and the family, like one of my mom's mom made something and like he was like, oh, these mashed potatoes are yucky. He said like yucky.

Yeah. So your dad, that's way gay. Yeah, my dad probably had to put his coat on. My dad thinks you can get gay on you. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So yeah, ballroom.

I would be funny to have my dad. Because my dad just can't. He's one of those guys, even if the way you're explaining ballroom dancing, just the minute you say that, he'd be like, Schultz, his dad's gay. Yeah. Right. His dad's gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And meanwhile, he's a fucking multimillionaire. And my dad just sits in his basement apartment on Staten Island on dialysis. dancing just the minute you say that he'd be like schultz's dad's gay yeah right his dad's gay and

meanwhile he's a fucking multimillionaire my dad just sits in his basement apartment on staten island on dialysis you know wishing he could have a cock in his mouth the guys who are least gay always do cool shit where there's a lot of girls around of course yeah smart yeah you can get past the gays the reason i wanted to pick ballet for reason. If you can get past the gay shit with ballet, right? If you're a straight guy, there's always one straight dude in every ballet company. Like, Baryshnikov is the best ballet dude of all time, they say. There's actually this other guy named Nijinsky. I don't know if you looked him up.

Don't say they say. You know for sure. All right. Well, Nijinsky's the real goat. Nijinsky's the real goat. Let's talk. You see how he tried to hide it? He was like, they say.

He's like, cuz? Cuz? You know exactly who's good and who's not. Baryshnikov, he's the guy guy. Let's talk. You see how he tried to hide it? He was like, they say, like the ex, he's like, cuz? Cuz? You know exactly who's good and who's not. Baryshnikov, he's the guy who's still alive. He was in the, what is that movie with the girls? Black Swan? No, he was in Sex and the City. Sex and the City, yeah.

So he was like- He was banging out Carrie, yeah. That's right. And so this guy was straight. When you're the one straight guy in the ballet world, have you guys worked in restaurants ever? I did. No, he didn't.

Okay. You know how like when you're in the restaurant, everybody kind of fuck worked in restaurants ever? I did. Yeah. Okay. You know how like when you're in the restaurant, everybody kind of fucks each other? Yeah. Right? Imagine you're working in a restaurant and you're the only person- That they can fuck.

Wow. It's unreal. You're with these people 80 hours a week, an insane amount of time. Nobody understands your lifestyle. Not to mention, the girls are being told that they're dog shit daily. They're dying for positive reinforcement. Yeah. Right? That comes in your dick. Not to mention, the girls are being told that they're dog shit daily. Right. They're dying for

positive reinforcement. Yeah. Right? That comes in your dick. That comes in your, literally, and they're the best in bed. Ballet chicks are the fucking,

yeah. Yeah, flexible. No gag. They've been thrown up since they're like 11. They are the fucking unbelievable. Did you bang out, did you run through

a few ballet broads? Absolutely, absolutely. Nice. So it's, the studio was in your house? No, no, no, no, no. Again, ballroom dance was my house.

Oh. You ever, that's like partner dancing. That's just like, that's just like, you know, you do something casual, you want something fun,

you and your girlfriend, yeah, let's learn how to salsa. Did you ever walk out though in your underwears with a bowl of cereal? Just like, oh, I didn't know class was right now.

You ever, you ever, you ever, you ever throw, you ever throw the tights on? You ever throw the ballet tights on? Bro, I did that once when I was younger. It's actually really comfy.

Yeah, ask Giannis about it. This is a true story. Giannis used to jerk off a little. I used to put stockings on and jerk off. It's a true thing. How little? Probably 17, 18. 7, 8, yeah. When I was figuring it out. 7, 8 yeah when I was figuring it out

7 and 8 9, 10 yeah yeah it's a little unhealthy the way we did it I would get a sensation well first of all I used to get blowjobs

from my cousin and then and then wild stop so so it's just the truth for Rome

for Rome it's just the truth of the situation but I would never bust a nut. And the first time I did bust a nut, actually, I was 13 years old, and I didn't know what it was. It's his 10th cousin, not his first cousin. Yeah, and cum came out of my dick, and I ran to my Aunt Eileen and was like, what am I doing? And she's like, you're a pervert.

I'm going to tell your mother. Wait, really? Yeah. You're disappointing Jesus. Yeah, because a big Catholic, you know. My anxiety and my whole look on life has changed since I've introduced CBD oil into my life and taken out Catholicism. Right. Catholicism in my family, like everybody just chases their tail in my family because of Catholic guilt and Catholic bullshit.

Right. Like instead of, yeah, my aunt being like, hey, you know, like this is a normal part of life. Here's what it is. I was scolded. And so that's just breeded anxiety. You got to keep people busy back in the day. There wasn't as much distraction. Right.

So now, so now, you know, that's just breeded anxiety. You got to keep people busy back in the day. There wasn't as much distraction. Right. So now it's gone now. Yeah. Catholic guilt was like the Instagram of our past. Yes. You just need something to keep your mind occupied daily. Sure. How am I going to hell? Yeah.

What am I going to do? How am I going to go to hell if I don't go to church every Sunday and give them my money? How does this affect my place in the afterlife all that bullshit you know um what a bargain for heaven 10 10 can you dance ballet not ballet ballroom i know it's the basics of all of them yeah yeah what's the difference between ballrooms like ballroom's partner right ballroom as you do it together so it's a swing tango that kind of stuff like that ballet is you know it's just like straight choreography it's it's like uh i don't know why i was gonna say football but it's a swing tango that kind of stuff like that ballet is you know, it's just like straight choreography It's it's like I don't know why I was gonna say football, but it's kind of like football

I was gonna mention the football but football lineman they do ballet classes all the time the offensive line. That's all they do Lomachenko, right? Absolutely, you know the boxer this is a seal Lomachenko. Yeah, it's like pound number one this yeah His father took him out of boxing When he was I forget how old and forced him to do ballet for like two or three years. Because he said his footwork wasn't good enough to start boxing yet. Wow. And his footwork is immaculate right now. They're the best.

I mean, like Marbury was doing ballet. Stefan Marbury? Stefan Marbury. Yo, if his friends from Coney Island saw him do that. Yeah. Bro, I mean, look at- Herschel Walker used to do it. I remember Herschel Walker used to do it.

I mean, to be able to stand on your toes, do you know the fucking flexibility you need to have and the strength you need to have? The ballet shoes used to be regular like dress shoes with heels. Okay. And then one chick, one chick just one time just stood up for a second on her toes. She did a little And then from there Boom Game over

Changed everything It's funny how things evolve Like you look at basketball, ballet Because I was reading about the evolution of ballet And it almost made me think about a sport How it was like one person did something A little bit You know

And then like everyone else started doing And it just It's like You see evolution Almost like in fast forward. It happens quick. It's like women with makeup. What do you mean?

It's like one girl had to put on fake eyelashes. One girl had to shave her pussy. One girl had to put on blush, et cetera. The same thing happens with ballet. It's like, okay, I need to appear longer and even more elegant. How can I do that if I walk on my toes? Okay, you're going to walk on your toes? You're going to walk on your tippy-toes?

I'm going to actually find a way to walk on the actual toe. That's all it is. It's just elongating the leg because they find that beautiful. Is that what it is? The men don't do it. Men don't walk on point. Right. Just the women. Right. And why is that? Men do that run. They do that run and catch them all over. I love that male run where they just... Because to be

a ballet dancer, I know gymnasts... You have to love cock which I sign me up I fucking yeah you know what it is yeah are there straight

you get a cock in your mouth you get a cock it's not the end of the world it's not the end of the world I told you when the fucking you know Carney Brothers

threw one right in the back of my throat everyone what happened yeah everyone except Andy knows I was sitting down taking a shit

this is 1998 and a couple of friends of mine because I was like the runt of the group so. I was sitting down taking a shit. This is 1998 and a couple of friends of mine, because I was like the runt of the group. So I was like the runt of the group. I was taking a shit and my boy came in and held my legs down and then his brother threw his cock in the back of my mouth. It's just what it is. And I got skull fucked a little bit. What happened to your hands?

What were your hands doing? I was just so flabbergasted about what was happening. He was getting assaulted. But so whatabbergasted about what was happening he was getting assaulted but so what happened though so what happened what sounds worse than the jesse mullet so here's my life yeah right but i'm yeah i'm not gonna fucking you know tweet about it to try to get a try to get a new arc on empire no um your legs are being held down your hands are fully free to stop dicks from going in your mouth yes but you were like no but the thing is but the thing is, but here's where the other hand, one hand was down, but I was still pushing my piece down because I was sitting down taking a shit.

So I didn't want my piece, them to see my piece, even though they were throwing their cock in my mouth. Plus they were- And then the other hand? I don't know. Probably fucking, probably bringing them closer. He was a small one. He was getting bullied.

He was getting bullied. So what happened was I would get bullied so much because I was always with the older kids. So like, you know, like with everything bully, they would pick me last in sports. They would pick me, you know, what a loser I was, how ugly I was. And it was like this internal motivation to just, you know. Dude, that is fucking emasculate. That is like next level bullying, bro. Yeah.

To just skull fuck your friend. Only a couple pumps though. Only a couple pumps. Was he hard? Yeah. I don't. Maybe. I pumps, though. Only a couple pumps. Oh, was he hard? Yeah. I don't... Maybe. I got soft lips.

You could have been soft. I got soft lips and a warm mouth. Why didn't you just close your mouth? I don't know. There's a lot of questions to be answered when my father comes. It seems like you kind of just sucked your friend's dick while you kept your feet on the ground.

No, I can't happen. What if you were sucking it and you were so excited? Schultz is totally blaming the victim right now. Yeah. It's like, wait a minute. You know what? He's fucking right. He was sucking the dick, but he were so excited you were like Schultz is totally blaming the victim right now yeah it's like what and you know what he's fucking right he was sucking the dick

but he was so excited he was doing this shit with his feet you were Fred Flintstoning and the guy just grabbed your feet like stop and you're fucking up the blowjob

it's what I was waiting for it was your idea it's what I was waiting for what else they used to push your air conditioner out the window push my air conditioner

out the window they made you go to the Chinese delivery in my sink one time they made me go down to the chinese get chinese food to all it was everything was always at my house they would make me deliver food get chinese food delivered i would have to pay for it get it delivered um to the house and then they made me go downstairs once i'll never forget it was butt naked in my mother's high heels and a new york guy and a new york

giant's helmet and then i went to go down and get it and they said that they they were going to like, it was just going to be like funny and a goof, and then they pushed me down my actual front stairs onto the concrete, so I was naked outside with the Chinese delivery guy and my mom's high heels and a Giants helmet. It's just what it is. It's just what it is. And so I was just out there for probably,

I mean, this was a summer afternoon. It was five, ten minutes, so it wasn't like, you know. What we're basically saying is ballet wasn't popular in that neighborhood. So it wasn't like, you know. What we're basically saying is ballet wasn't popular in that neighborhood. Ballet wasn't popular in Ridgewood. Yeah, not a lot of sophisticated kids bringing back swing dance in that neighborhood. But I don't regret it because, you know, everybody needs a little motivation.

Yeah. And the city needs firemen. And the city needs firemen. And those guys became firemen. Yeah. And garbage men and DOT. They build the speed bumps now. They're still in Ridgewood.

You know, it's the same thing. Yeah. You know, they're at my and D.O.T. They build the speed bumps now. They're still in Ridgewood. It's the same thing. They're at my comedy show. Yeah, it's just what it is. But I think it was an interesting... You're still friends with the guy who's dicky sucked? Yeah, absolutely. Why not? I wouldn't have what I had in my career.

Call him right now. Call the guy who's dicky sucked. Call him right now. Content, Chris. I guess I could. Chris, it's content. Call him right now. No, I i could it's content call him right now no i feel bad he just beat cancer what i feel bad he just beat cancer did you suck it out of him yeah i put his fucking nut in my mouth no did he really what type of cancer testicular yeah really yeah dude

that's karma yeah that's what god that's what god god on your side. All right, so he beat cancer. Now we can confront him. Let's call him, dude. Straight for the Patreon. You want to get people to sign up. That would be a $500 for the non-toots. Cuz, I got your toots right here, cuz. Let's go. That would be a good one.

No, because my comedy, my whole thing, I don't mind. Schultz always thinks in content. You know, some people think in music. Some people think in, he's thinking content. Bro, this is the art, man. Yeah, you're right. We got an Elon Musk this shit. We ain't playing around.

Yeah. So. There's a lot of engineers out there, man. Not a lot of them are going to the moon. How high is your mom considered on the ballet? Not ballet. Ballroom? Best of her generation.

She was like the Ginger Rogers of her generation. Repeat. Again, another person we don't know who we're talking about. It says Ginger Rogers. Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. I know Ginger Rogers. You know Fred Astaire. Yeah, I do know Fred Astaire.

So I was the chick that he danced with in all the things. Fred Astaire. Would you do Dancing with the Stars? Would I do it? If everything fell apart. I would do it. I would do do it uh wow that was a shot at nikki glazer sorry nick it's like if everything fell apart it's like she did it but uh i would hey you up it happens you know so some people like to do things something i would do it i would do it like to do things I would do it

I would do it just to do Like to practice with my mom Like my mom would have to be the coach And then I would do it Just as a cool thing Oh that's cute You would dance with your mom and stuff Well no I would like

Have her be the coach And then they put me With some hot Russian Oh right right right Yeah So your pops could dance Your mom could dance Yeah

Why are we doing ballet If they're ballroom dancers You could suggest a ballet And I was like I grew up in a dance studio So so I kind of know a little bit. You're the one who told me ballet. I've been to more ballet than most people. I thought it was ballet.

You thought it was ballet? Yeah. That's how fucking rich you are. You just knew it was some sort of dance. Dance. You figured it was some sort of queer thing. You just called it ballet. Just like ballroom dance.

Just like I'm sorry. I don't care what part you're from. You're all Puerto Ricans to me. Yo, low key though, the best way to meet chicks is go into one of these group dance lessons. Yeah. Because you're forced to dance with them. You're forced to hold a woman. Yes.

And meet them and say, not like hello awkwardly at a bar. Hold and move them. And the teacher literally said to the women let the man guide you right so they have to submit to the patriarchy to the patriarchy yeah so it's like it was it was really cool experience even like taking friends like we would just go take dance lessons you know just so we could have some basic shit was there a push for you from your parents do they want you to go like to a dance school like Boston Conservatory or something? No, nothing like that. They never even pushed me in the direction of...

My mom had a real stage mom, so she never wanted that for me. And in retrospect, maybe it'd be cool if they pushed a little bit. We knew the basics, more or less. Do you think they secretly wanted girls? I know my mom wanted a girl because she kept getting animals, trying for them to be girls. And they all ended up male.

She thought she got two female cats and then like their balls just dropped eventually it's like no this is what it's gonna be get that spike dick why do you think

why do you think coordinated dance cause it's so beautiful right now now people just grind on each other and they don't know how to fucking dance

but like Latin cultures they all know how to dance big time all of them my daughter at three I swear to god at three years old, she can already dance. Maybe she was watching her mom and her grandma, or maybe it's just in her culture. I don't know, but she can dance.

They got it, man. It's a poor thing. They all know how to dance with each other. They know the moves. They learn. Gotta do it. So what has happened in America that nobody knows how to fucking dance? Too rich.

Rich people don't know how to dance. There's no reason. Interesting. When you're poor, that's the reason. Rich people don't know how to dance. There's no reason. Interesting. When you're poor, that's the reason why poor people are cool and they have swag. They have to. Right.

You don't have the opportunity to just go, you're my wife now. When you're poor, you got to kick game. Right. When you're poor, you got to have flashy ways

to speak to somebody because you don't have money to be flashy. You have to maximize every other part of your ability to get pussy. Right? You don't have experience. You're not good in conversations. You got to stick out somehow.

Boom. That's why the hood dudes found a way to make cheap shit cool. Converse became cool. It's a $20 sneaker. Wear it like this. Baggy ass Dickies pants became cool. Wear it like this, right?

Because you have to. Burritos were poor food. All of it. Pizza. Yeah. So it like this, right? Because you have to. Burritos were poor food. All of it. Pizza. Yeah. So it's like, that's why it's dope. So dance is just one of those things. You're some Dominican dude who just came here.

You just got a job driving some Liberty cab uptown in the Heights. You got to find a way to get pussy. You can't get it for money, but you could take a girl on that floor, start the bachata, start the maracas. Absolutely. So true. Absolutely. So we just all be poor?

Do cool people stop being, do rich people stop being cool? Yeah, name a rich person that's cool. Look at Jay-Z. He looks like Janelle Monae now, the way he dresses. He's a fucking dweeb. Dweeb. He's a fucking dork. You see him right now?

Yeah. It's pathetic, right? You look at this guy, he's like, I looked up to you at one point in time? Yeah. He's like trying to grow facial hair like me? Yeah. It's pathetic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's awful. It's stupid, yeah. So look at any, the only person it's pathetic yeah yeah it's awful it's stupid yeah so look at any the only person who's maintained is cool even though he's rich is diddy probably yeah yeah it's just the only one and he's just really kill tupac well maybe kill tupac but he also has just become italian right like he just right like and like how did he so what is he doing he's just copying some other poor people, right? Like, yeah. Well, that's, well, that's, well, that's, you know, it's funny you say that. My father, who's, you know, a self-proclaimed, even though I did the ancestry.com, I found that I'm almost 80% German.

Hi. Um, I, I thought, come on, asshole. What the fuck? He just did a Nazi salute. I'm just kidding. It's a fucking joke. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. But he said, you know.

That explains why you're smart though. Yeah. But he said, you know, he told me, you know, I remember watching the Bronx tale in the 90s. He's from the Bronx and all that.

You know, in the Italian culture and the black culture, he was, you know, I remember. They both want to be each other. Well, but the reason why he said is because they both,

the thing that he thought they had in common was they're poor. That's what he thought. He was like, you know, we're both poor, like the mafia guys. A lot of, unless you're the top, a lot of these guys don't have money.

They're flashy and they have cash and stuff, but it's not real. And he's like, same with the blacks. We don't really have that much money. So our cultures came together. And that's a guy who's got an eighth grade education. And even he saw that very easily. It's like, we're all poor here. So we copy each other.

You saw that quick. Even like in Brooklyn, we've had conversations. Like when we were doing benders and your character character was this typical kind of like, I guess it was Queens, but it was an outer borough Italian dude, and they had him wearing construction boots and shit. And he goes, no, you don't understand. Our generation wears Jordans. Right.

Yeah, yeah. We grew up really influenced by black culture. Absolutely. That was the predominant culture. Sure. It's the predominant culture in the world is black culture. Absolutely. That was the predominant culture. Sure. It's the predominant culture in the world. And even though I grew up in Ridgewood, like an old school blue collar, white, pretty much predominantly white working class neighborhood.

The only reason I was able ever even to get respect from my friends or get all the friends that I have is through basketball because I could play basketball, which was a black sport. Meritocracy, man. I could just play that thing well. Yeah. And now I could speak to everybody because I was just a standout player and my friends who weren't were left behind.

They didn't relate to you on getting skull fucked by their friends? No, no. Jamal didn't know what that meant, but I could hit three pointers from anywhere. So he was like, you cool.

It is crazy, right? Isn't that cool? What is wild is like, it's wild when something gets so extreme how it becomes its opposite. Right. I was just thinking about that. Like in jail,

when someone has that happen to them, which is basically what you had happen, obviously it's more extreme in jail. Yeah. It's the most masculine thing, but what they're doing is a gay act. Sure. Absolutely.

That's why it's like liberals have gotten so far right, so far left, that they're now right. They're now right, yeah. And now the right ones are going like, free speech, free speech, they're becoming left.

Yeah. The left used to be the ones be like, hey man, say whatever. I mean, Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. Yeah, it's like,

it's like, nature has a limit and you can't, the farther you go, you just come, just like the universe you come back to where you started absolutely

it's fucking wild it's Pac-Man yeah it's wild because go to this side of the screen you come out the other yeah because what those kids did to you

is like that's how dudes that's how dudes like do the most masculine horror that's toxic masculinity bullying is toxic masculinity

the worst thing you can do is put your dick in someone's mouth. This fucking guy in a mouth. There we go. We got to it. You guys, you just witnessed a Giannis Papas brain moment.

That's how your brain works. Yeah, yeah. We just figured out how it went. I'm gay. No, no. Yes. When you see Giannis' tweets,

they're really well worked out. We just witnessed before it gets tight. That's true. That's what happened, yeah. That was a cool moment. I do 100 drafts and then I just fucking, yeah. You just witnessed before it gets tight. That's true. That's what happened, yeah. Yeah, I do like a hundred. That was a cool moment. I do a hundred drafts

and then I just fucking, yeah. You lop off all the fat. Yeah, but it's a cool moment for you because you're leaving in 10 minutes. If that was your everyday life like it is mine, it's just a whole string of long fucking days.

I'm Yanni Long. Yanni Long days. We just had Giannis on Inside Jokes, which is the show that I do on the YouTube channel. I got to get you on, Chris. So good.

But it was such a great episode because you see that process happen, I think, on some level with all of us multiple times throughout. And it's just so cool. That was really cool for me to see because I knew that you felt like you were onto something. Yeah. But it was like, what am I trying to say? Yeah. And yeah, the only extreme becomes the thing that you extremely hate.

It's wild. Like think about white guys that had slaves that were female. Fuck them. Right. I hate this group so much. I will procreate. Right, right, right. What?

Yeah, yeah. What? Yeah. It's wild that's crazy yeah that's a great example yeah another thing

there's a bit there man another thing is like Patrice had this thing just talking about that this is related it was one of the most fascinating and deep things he goes

I remember it was a rant he did on the radio once he was like wait so you fucking take my ancestors brought them here against their will in chains force them to work in 120 degree weather fucking no nutrition whatever blah blah blah raped them fucking you know blah blah blah murdered them everything and he goes

and you're mad at me yeah he goes wait a second you're mad at me right you hate me yeah yeah how brilliant is that? It's true. It'll make a guy go like, wait a second. That makes a lot of sense. They should be mad at me. What are you mad at? You brought us here. You didn't get enough?

You're mad at me? What else can be given to you? What would make you happy? How much more can you hate me? You want to hate me more? What would make you happy? Right. How much more, how much more can you hate me? You want to hate me more? Like, what more do you want to do? You know,

I did all this to you. Yeah. And you hate me for what I did to you. Oh, what a great fucking idea. Yeah. Irony.

Cause you know, what's funny about this podcast? Why? We're, we are very, it's appropriately named because you told me his parents owned a ballet studio yeah so i brought it up to him let's do ballet he thought it was funny he said ballet

it was just one big misunderstanding yeah he did a ballroom dance and we got a whole episode out of it i know nothing about ballroom dancing what's the history of ballroom dancing before we get out of here no fucking clue none of us know i i really do not know the history of ballroom dancing. What's the history of ballroom dancing before we get out of here? I have no fucking clue, man. None of us know. I really do not know the history of ballroom dancing. I guess people needed a safe way for affection in a time where like... What is ballroom dancing? Well, a lot of ballroom... It's partner dancing. So what does that mean?

It encompasses all partner dancing. Any dancing that is just two people doing it together. Right. And most of them have steps. Some of them do not have steps. You know, like if you ask the average person who knows salsa, the average like Dominican or Cuban

or something like that, they might not be like, here are these steps to it. But what my folks did and other people have done is really like kind of written out like a syllabus for the basic movement of it. Now that's not the exact movement.

Like your daughter is going to grow up knowing exactly how to dance. She's going to be like, oh, this is what it is. I've been dancing with my uncle like this. I've been dancing with my mom like this. But yeah, man. I don't know. They just figured out a way to... So there was no ballet in your

background at all. It was all ballroom dancing. Zero, man. That's hilarious. Ballet is way more interesting in a lot of ways. I learned a lot about it, but I don't feel like it's relevant because your parents were ballroom dancers and that's interesting enough. Yeah, but it's close enough. No, it's not. I love the- Ballet's a whole not-

It's its own- Ballet's like a sport. It's crazy. I think that this is- I didn't realize this is what you guys did here. I thought you guys went to a place and then talked about on the podcast but i love the idea like love the idea and we'll continue this conversation off air that this is a place where every week i can learn a new thing about history but in a funny way through you guys that's

what we do i know that's what you do but it wasn't marketed to me and i'm like friends with you guys so i gotta if i don't know it. Yeah. Yeah. Who the fuck knows? I just see a picture of a hyena. That's why we got to leave the studio. That's why we're getting out of here. You know what I'm saying? But like if it's like every week a new thing, because at the end of the day, why do you think these these people watch Rogan every single week?

I mean, there's different reasons why, you know, but like that's our podcast. That's what we do. Yeah. I figured it out now being on it. Yeah. Or yesterday when you said it. We talk about something, then it always comes back to either Anne Eileen, Chris loves sitting in guys' laps, and he got scoffed.

Yeah, you fuck around. Obviously, it's fun. We fuck around. But knowing that I can go in and find out one interesting... Because at the end of the day, we want interesting shit to talk to a girl about in a bar. For sure. Right? So some guy's at a bar.

He's talking about, hey, did you know that actually you know ballet was blah blah blah we didn't give him any information here. Yeah this one well yeah. We failed miserably. Well tell them really quickly what you learned

about ballet then. Ballet is wild. It started in Italy. Yeah. We should do a whole another episode. I think we should just save it because

No just fucking do it. Okay. Just talk about ballet. You just learned it. Now you're bullet your skull fucking me into saying it. No because you always

fucking overthink. The abused become the abuser. You always overthink you dumb peanut head. Yeah but you got a Christopher Reeve curl on the top and you got skull fucking me into saying it no because you always fucking overthink the abused become the abuser you always overthink you dumb peanut head yeah but you got a Christopher Reeve curl on the top and you got a fucking

MMA head and it's pissing me off he does have TJ Dillashaw head yeah we need to have we need to call that guy who skull fucked you

yeah and first not talk to him about it at all right and just have a regular conversation but all of us that are the listeners

know exactly what's up. Well, he's got such a Queens accent that it's not even English. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't, Chris. Yeah, no, I just got married. Yeah, no, he's going over there.

He matches over at the 4-in-2. But I'm going Rangers game tomorrow. Yeah, big Rangers fan, big Mets fan. Yeah, you know, my mother's got in the sauce. You know how it is. We're going to the bar. Yeah. Yeah, Dwight couldn't do it. Yeah, Dwight couldn't do it. He's getting the autograph signed, so're going to the bar. Yeah. Yeah, Dwight couldn't read that.

It's getting the autograph sign, so I'm going over there. Yeah. Could you FaceTime me with San Volcano? Next time you're in San Volcano, you FaceTime me, my kid loves him. Can you get me tickets to San Volcano's house? I saw you was over at Instagram. You was over there. You was over there with those guys. You was over there. You was over there.

It's kind of like that a little bit, right? Yeah. Cause. Yeah. I think we got to do that, man. I think that the Patreon ep is the one where you guys actually talk about it and hash it out. And that is massive. I mean, that's when it just changes.

No, but he fucking works for the city now. I don't want to get him in trouble, you know? So what are you doing? You're starting your own network. Yeah. He is a network. Schultz is a network. You have a huge following on YouTube.

Yeah. You got great ideas. Thank you, man. And that's what you're into. You like having an idea and executing it. That's right. Yeah. So you're like a mixture of me and Chris.

Tony Robbins, he's perfect. Tony Robbins, love a guy like him because he executes. He executes. And you know who were good executors? The Germans in the 40s. Come on. Yes. I mean, it's like everybody has ideas.

Few people have good ideas and even fewer people can execute them. Yes. Right? So I found a way to make enough money where I can fund my own shit. I was tired of having all the ideas and then having the network say no. Right. When I knew that they were right. Right. And now that I've been able to produce my own shit, it's really cool to see the effect of them in the ecosystem.

Like I'm tapped into the ecosystem. So now I see the things that I've started, like all of a sudden start to pop up in places, you know? Right. And it's like, I'm not saying they're copying me, but because I put them into the matrix

yeah they can be done exactly little even like like everybody's tweeting me about like ray romano's new special about how he does it at the cellar and then he goes around the block to the village underground and it's like this unannounced sets and everyone's like yo bro you did that for 441 and it was like yeah i don't think they're like how can we copy schultz but that idea is in the ether now so then people are like hey maybe it'd be a good idea if they don't even realize, you know, like even putting out like a 15 minute comedy special, like Netflix does that after Netflix is copying my travel show now, you know what I mean? The show we pitched to them exactly.

Right. So it's just like Comedy Central copied the 441 format verbatim actually. And they did a scripted one called Thank You, Good Night for their digital. But it's like, like, it's cool seeing it's almost validating because like i knew i knew this was right the whole time now i was able to do it and it gets millions of views and now all of a sudden people like oh maybe there are some good ideas yeah right but now i don't have to like now you don't even need the industry i mean it's nice to have them but you don't need them if you did that on comedy central it wouldn't get as many views it wouldn't it would try to Comedy Central, it wouldn't get as many views. It wouldn't. It wouldn't. Because they tried to do it and they didn't.

It wouldn't. It got like 9,000. But that's where I love the space that I'm at. And maybe at the end of the episode, we could show that little trailer for the next thing. Please. We absolutely will. But the space I'm at right now, it's like I'm trying to operate. I'm basically trying to do all these things.

I am doing all these things that I know can work already. I already know it can work. In the beginning of 2018, I was like, I'm going to be the most viewed comic can work already. Like I already know it can work. Like in the beginning of 2018, I was like, I'm going to be the most viewed comic on YouTube. And then I was right. And like, I said,

I was going to have a number one album. And then I did a billboard number one. And I did, it's like, I knew these things were going to happen, but I, before I didn't have the bandwidth to implement them. Now I have the bandwidth to implement them.

You know what I mean? Through Patreon and these other things. Now I can hire a guy to do this shit. And now it's just like, I just want to sink my teeth into these ideas. Like even inside jokes. Like I was watching the episode that we did. It was just so much fucking fun.

It was fun. It was even just hanging out. It's a great idea. It was so much fun. It's a great, you're perfect for it. It sparks, for comedians sitting around,

it's like the perfect topic to spark great conversation with comedians. Because it's about what we do. And it's specifically, it takes something where we can bond, where the comedians can bond, because it's like, I have this joke, it's not working,

you know, it's too edgy, and you say it in a safe place with other comedians. I couldn't bring that up. Nowhere. I couldn't say, I got this Holocaust joke,

you know, that talks about Jesus jerking off, to people who aren't comedians. Right. They'd be like, who's this fucking kid? They'd be freaked out. But we create a place for it.

That's why I love the idea. That's why I love the idea. But furthermore, it's like, they always try to make us comedians talk about topical shit, right? They're like, Chris, can you come on CNN and be funny for a minute about- Mueller. About Mueller or some shit. They're like, all right, fine, whatever.

What do we care most about? Our jokes. I don't want you to talk about anything but your fucking jokes you've been thinking about all day you're gonna already be excited and then you get comics around other comics like getting giving each other tags and that kind of shit that's just fucking yeah that's great for the work yeah yeah you know so it's like i just want to build i just want to build these things man i mean this project coming out in March I'm so fucking excited I think that this ecosystem needs it what is the project

it's the so it's called views from the sis and it's just like I'll let you guys watch it maybe I'll let you guys watch the trailer and then we can real quick I know you guys got to get out of here I don't want to take no let's watch it let's watch it well it's on screen right right ISIS they can see it yeah well you can just put it in right

yeah okay let's watch it. Let me tell you something. Right now, comedy sucks. The industry wants you to be safe, accommodating, agreeable. They want comedy that gets claps, not laughs. Oh, and don't rock the boat, Buse. The PC mob will come for you. Shit, even comics are canceling other comics over jokes.

Yeah, the game is fucked up. I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of it. Yeah, it's time to bring back the flagrancy. Uncensored. Unfiltered. Unsafe. You know. Comic. Welcome to Views from the Cis. Me too, man.

Me too, man. You made me paranoid of sex. I don't even have sex on top anymore. No, no, no, no, no. Sex on top, that's predatory behavior. I'm gonna lay all my weight on top of a woman and then thrust inside her. Haha, not me, okay? I lay on my back, I put my hands underneath my butt cheeks. Like a strong feminist ally. I'm not done yet. I let the girl get on top because I'm a gentleman. I lay there lifeless, like a sleeping vampire.

I let her slide down once, slide down twice, slide down a third time. Then I look right at her and go, no. You the rapist now! This was a Me Too bitch. I love a glass of water. This is a me too bitch I love a glass of water It's How did you

So What kind of budget Did you have for that It looks great Thank you And what is it So it's You're cutting in between

It's the same thing That you did before Like with clubs But now you're doing it In Europe I did this European tour So I did Sold out by the way

Yeah well in Sweden We didn't sell out but my boy got arrested so it was like a big loss in Sweden but but yeah so we did I just I'm going to I was going to Europe and I was like alright let me film this. We did it in four different countries. It didn't really have to

be done there but I think it just adds scale to it. Hell yeah. I don't know you just need I don't think people just want to see like curtain and you're in front of it you know like yeah i think you need to mix it up you know a little so we filmed every single one of them i flew two guys out with me to do that and um and i decided to like break it up between the four and then i also shot a tour doc so i do that show dropping in where i like travel right so like for each city we do the comedy and there's a tour documentary that goes along with comedy and there's a tour documentary

that goes along with it so there's four of those and each one of those have like local jokes in it so I'm still on stage a little bit but I'm also out in the city doing that kind of you're just thinking you're thinking digitally now which is the way everyone is gonna think including big networks from now on and two and two things that I've

noticed have happened since you you know the virality and all that stuff first of all now and i think it's all positive because we're all in this together all brothers and sisters in this you see myself included so many comics now putting up clips on instagram and you'll see like sam moral or has has hours of jokes that he's done on tv now he's putting on instagram now he's selling the tickets yeah so it's like now it's happening and the second part i think you see like a lot of comics, like Giannis said, care so much now about the digital stuff.

Cause you're like, Oh, Schultz did it. Look at how much his life has changed. So it's positive because it's like, you've done it. And now like we're doing it. And it's like,

it's just good for our whole art form. Yeah, man. I remember I saw Schultz like years ago. It was like during the Marisa, you know, when Marisa was at the peak and we just said what's up

and I was like what's up man how you doing so you were thinking you knew it and I didn't even appreciate I didn't even know he was screwed in from the beginning he saw it and he was like oh he's not a Jew but he looks and acts like one yeah

that's where the Schultz come in I bet you when he goes to Hollywood he says my name is Schultz He doesn't do Schultz He goes Schultz And Schultz is smart So let me ask you this thing I know it's a Stand up special but you're saying

It's not just an hour of stand up Like it cuts to different things kind of thing So It would be six parts, right? Let's call that part one. Okay. And then there will be – let's call that part one. There will be another part in London, which drops March 3rd.

Then the next part will be in Oslo, which drops the 10th. The next part will be in Copenhagen, which drops the 17th. And the next part will be in Amsterdam, 24th, and then Amsterdam again, the 31st. And it's all stand-up, or is it stand-up and then you're going around the town and stuff like that? All stand-up. And then there's a completely different project that is the tour dock, and that drops on Thursdays.

And that's for each city. I don't even like mentioning it at the same time, because it can get confusing. And it drops on your YouTube channel. All on the YouTube channel, youtube.com slash dandruffschultz. But what I do is this, is after the the bit so let's say the bit is like i have this tranny bits like say eight minutes after the bit the tranny bit i you see me leaving stage getting on a plane flying to the next city and then you see the first line of the joke from the next city or a salacious line and then it's like next week blah blah blah so i'm incentivizing

viewership right absolutely and the goal is oh shit i want to see that but i don't want to miss it i might as well subscribe to his channel easy right but the goal is like so like for that and then if i'm already there i'm gonna do a tour doc right why not so we can we can get tons like native americans with the buffalo like there's a lot of meat left on shit why not you know get all of it as we can like even with inside jokes we filmed for what two hours the other day that's gonna be six episodes minimum you know what i mean like so that's what i'm trying to do and the goal is to build up right my network to the point where like i can have plenty ideas for you and you yeah like ideas like you don't need permission anymore

now you just whatever the idea is what i needed to do i need to get to the point where i need to need permission i need to like put you know bankroll myself a little bit and figure it out but they're there now once i'm there now now it's like even with when i saw you guys doing bayridge right it was like like i just loved it i don't want anything from y'all i just want to help y'all you know what i mean and it's like like if i have ideas for you or you now i have a place where people can see them at least it's got a shot like so many people you put stuff up and there's not a shot you know and the and the best part about it all is obviously it helps you but it helps so many other people like just because he's close to you

like now akash can have a special he may he and i'll put it on you and it'll get more views on you than it would have been if he sold it to fucking hbo. I want like specifically with Akash because. Yeah, because he's one of the Indians we like. Way Sean Sheehan. Thank you. Just kidding. Way Sean Sheehan. Sandra's awake. Way Sean Sheehan.

Here's the real shit. I don't even know if I should share it on air. Maybe I'll share it off. Whatever you want to do. Yeah, maybe I'll share it off. My question. We only get 10,000 downloads an episode. That's great.

No, we got more than that. Do we get more than that? Are you more than that now? Oh, that's so good, man. I don't know. Probably not. Here's great. No, we got more than that. Do we get more than that? Are you more than that now? Oh, that's so good, man. I don't know. Probably not. Here's my question. Yeah.

This is what's interesting to me is, and this is how you know it's just a totally new era. And this is how you know. And by the way, before you finish, you know it's a good episode because we're in an hour and 14 minutes and Mike Mush is still awake. Yeah. Usually he fucking falls asleep. Yeah. Yeah.

Unless you throw a donut in his face. He's fighting his diabetes. You got a Frisbee, a donut in his face. That's how you know it's a good interesting episode face he's fighting his diabetes you got a frisbee a donut in his face that's how you know it's a good interesting episode when he's overcoming his diabetes of his face because he does look like an emoji he does

you get the sleepy emoji you should make a whole different thing of Mike Mush emojis that'd be so great but what were you saying? so what we shot the other night for example well I'll bring it back

to what we just watched that trailer the trailer looks the trailer looks like it has a multi-million dollar budget yeah thing like that's the era we live in but it doesn't cost anywhere near it costs it's affordable so think about like i shot everything shot there yeah is with two other people i don't even want to like tell y'all what we had to do to get some of this out. So there's two people shooting that. Do you know how fucking wild that is? Some of them is three.

We get asked somebody to just put a camera and have help. But it's like, how can Netflix or Comedy Central or any of these companies compete when it takes you a hundred to do what I can do with two? Yeah. And the only leg that Netflix has to Netflix has to stand is like, oh.

Pay you. Well, pay. Well, that, of course, pay you. But also like, oh, well, we can give you exposure. Well, now you've given yourself the exposure. Netflix ain't even doing that no more. Right. You know what I mean?

It's just the money. It's the money. Now, excuse me. But my rebuttal to that is like, okay, so say you would have gotten a Netflix special. Maybe you would have gotten whatever it is up front. Fine. But you've made that money. And maybe your special would have never been seen.

But you've made the money back in ticket sales. Already you've made it. And the fans that stay with you now. And now you have them for years. Yeah, and they tell other people. Like the true people who sell out like Sebastian. All that happened on Facebook or YouTube or, you know, with the exception of Ali Wong. Netflix is the internet, though.

You know who else I forgot? Nate with his little half hour. He was the first one on the first episode. I think he's starting to do theaters now, so it helped him a lot. And Nate really plays the Instagram game well. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

And also, like, I set up a blueprint for the Instagram, like, kind of social media stuff, but I want other comics to do it. Yeah. I told you, and I told Sam and Mark and all the guys, I've been telling them for a while, nobody listened until I started selling tickets, which is how the world works. That's how it works, yeah. You have to be a genius or dead for, no, you have to be dead or rich to be a genius or whatever. But it's like, now that there's not eight specials we're competing for right there's no competition you see what i'm saying i know exactly it's like we're just putting it out there and people need to digest stuff absolutely i want you to sell tickets i want you to sell because my ticket

sales don't take away from yours we're, they don't. We're coming on different weekends. Yours might help yours. Yours help mine. Exactly. Of course. If they have fun at your show and they enjoyed this podcast, they will come see me. Specifically, what's the best thing about mine and your relationship specifically is a lot of people think I'm you and you're me. So there's times where they're like, I'm going to see Andrew Schultz this weekend, but it's

me. But you bought the tickets anyway. You fucking idiots. Yo, are you Chris Schultz from Guy Co? Yo, are you that guy from Geico? Yo, black kids love Geico. They love Geico. Every time we're walking down the street,

yo, Schultz from Geico. Yo, and you know what it is about all these people and we're still thinking about it, but you're not thinking about it anymore. I'm not thinking about it anymore. They'll always ask, a company will ask, a network asks, how many followers does he have? Fuck the followers. It's about the interaction on his following.

It's like if you have, you can have 30,000 followers, but you look at some of these – I remember Sebastian, perfect example. Now it's huge. But I remember he had 80,000 followers, 80,000 followers on Instagram, but he was getting something like 400,000, 500,000 views on his Instagram. So what that means is all 80,000 are plugged in. A lot of my followers initially were just, they saw me on Guy Cota Girl Cota, they pressed follow, they don't care about Chris. Your followers, Andrew,

care about Andrew. When I had Facebook page, when Facebook was big, all my tickets I sold, Maurice's page got up to 60,000. Wow. Of real fans. Every single one of those 60,000 was like plugged in like you're talking about. It wasn't like a click follow. It was like die hard love.

We were here for it. Like, yeah. And so that's, I sold so, you know. You sold it. First year we sold like 10,000 tickets in New York alone. Yeah. In one year. So, cause it was like, it's exactly what you're talking about.

I remember that. You would do those shows at the Laugh Factory and then Caroline's and now the only time I've ever noticed a bump the only time I noticed a bump is when I go on other people's podcasts

that have big followings and I connect with them somehow I think because like people can say oh so and so only has a career because of Joe Rogan or this or that that's everybody

say that about me Charlamagne right Charlamagne had Wendy everybody has somebody what are you gonna do with that person what are you gonna do with that person

and also are you gonna be able to connect with them because there's plenty of comedians who have been on with Charlamagne there's plenty of comedians who have been on with Rogan but some of them

come and go but the ones that so if you can get on and fucking kill and move people you're gonna get those people and also it's like exactly

if you're resonating with them and they're there and then what do you do with that resonation, if that's even a word? It's like, I'm going to put you on, but I can't do everything for you. Right.

You got to put you on too. I'll give you the platform, and then what are you going to do with that platform? That's what happened essentially with Flagrant 2. We maybe get, I don't know, I think 90,000 or something like that an episode. That's real numbers. But our Patreon is worth, I think we're doing over 300,000 a year. 300,000.

160 each. It's real money. I just checked it before we got here. Yeah, yeah. I'm very impressed by it, and I love it. So it's like, that's a devout, because what we created there, and like, the listeners know it's like- Out of nothing.

Out of nothing. Out of nothing. Out of nothing, but it's like we created community there. Yeah. Right. This is important. What we're doing, it's a platform. What do they say? You don't have a platform unless your consumer gets more out of it than you do.

Google's a platform. Facebook's a platform. We feel like we are getting shit out of Facebook. We feel like we're getting shit out of Instagram. We're getting shit out of Twitter, right? It's like, that we we feel like we are getting shit out of facebook we should feel like we're getting shit out of instagram we're getting shit out of twitter right it's like that's the goal like what i have there is i don't want you just paying to listen to episode i want you communicating with other people i want if somebody needs a job you got the hookup and you trust these people because you know the values that we have like we instill values there like i'm trying to

build a legit fucking nuclear submarine, and these are the people riding on it with me. Yeah. You know? Because that's the only way you can survive in the business the way that we do it, is have that insulation. Right. Come for me.

Yeah. Come for me. I think- The only way you come for me is you take me off of every platform. And even then, I'll figure out a way. Wow, you're getting Al Pacino now. Yeah. Shout out to my little friend.

Come for me. It's like you got your back up against the wall. You know what's interesting? I think comedians right now, what you've realized, all comedians are realizing now, is like, yeah, you either get put on by a network, by a power structure, by people who are executives or whatever who like you because they see you fulfill a void in the marketplace. They think very much like advertisers. Or you get put on by bigger comedians who do what you do,

who've done it and want to help you because they like what you do. And that's your network. It's all a network. What I'm saying is now it used to be like Sandler could do that, maybe Eddie Murphy. There was like two, three guys who could do that. Now it's like what Schultz is saying is because it's such, the artists have taken control

because of the internet. It's, we can all do that for each other. Exactly. Which, it's happening in LA. I mean, it's a trickle down from Rogan, but those guys are ping-ponging with each other. They are killing it. Yeah, they just Theo Vaughn will talk about Burt. Burt will talk about Segura.

And Chris D'Elia they are fucking killing it and they're ping ponging and their numbers are all going blah blah blah and they're all selling out they're the Rat Pack now well we're all sitting here

going like you know yeah yeah you know I got a 1045 spot here's a picture of me at a club I'm getting paid like a waiter at you know

it's like or like hating on each other like how's it fuck that guy fuck that guy fuck that guy it's stupid no we need to we had this conversation even inside jokes it's like New York like hating on each other. Like, how does it, fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. It's stupid. No, we need to, we had this conversation even inside jokes.

It's like New York scene way too fractured. You know what I mean? Like if I could make, I mean, I'm not very good at mafia references, but like there was a time where the families weren't getting along at all, you know? Right. Like somebody needs to come back and unite the families. And that's really what I want to do is like, there's too many scenes. There's too many of this.

I'm tired of it like New York comedy means something this is what it means and we need to congeal it and bring it back together right and ain't no more oh you play the alt scene or oh you do oh you do that it's like are you funny you're not funny oh you're not in the cellar fuck you it's like it's comedian controlled we do it exactly yeah we are the family we to do it. And in order to do that, we got to uplift comedy. Like right now, in my opinion, I think comedy, like the comics in LA, they put the store on their shoulders. The store was a dumpster.

Okay? They put it on their shoulders. The comedy store in LA for people I don't know. Yeah, the comedy store is popping. Right? The seller has been holding New York comedy up. Right. The seller has been holding New York comedy up. Right. The seller sells out.

Then the other clubs get ticket sales. And the seller has been doing all the fucking heavy lifting in New York. And it's like, no, we got to do the heavy lifting. We got to support not only seller other places as well, but we have to make comedy a thing. If you think of New York comics, who you think of? Attell, Colin Quinn. Everybody's 50. Yeah. Older guys. What the fuck does that say about us? Yeah. You know of? Attell, Colin Quinn. Everybody's 50. Yeah.

Older guys. What the fuck does that say about us? Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like- Guys who are dead already. Patrice, Geraldo. Boom.

Yeah. That's a problem. Norton. When you think of LA comics- Jim Norton. Bobby. It used to be, Bobby, right? When you think of LA comics, it used to be Pryor.

It used to be these cats, right? But now when you say LA comics, you think of that next generation. Yeah. D'Elia, Bert Kreischer, Theo Vaughn. Exactly. And Tim Dillon had a good point. He was like, you know, our comics, even though they're amazing New York comics, they're talking about spots and they live in apartments that they rent where D'Elia

and these guys are talking about getting another Tesla. It's a difference. Yeah, that's what was my point is because guys here are still caught in this. Oh, you said that. I'm sorry. Dillon said that. No, I'm saying that's what point is because guys here are still caught in this. Oh, you said that. I'm sorry. Dylan said that. No, I'm saying that's what I'm saying is guys are still caught in this old thing that if you're not building something for yourself, you're not existing in the world as it is right now. Right. You're living in a previous world. Yeah.

You know, the comics saying, hey, you're funny. Let's do each other's shit and boom, boom, boom. That's what it's about right now. And even the people in charge. And then you go to clubs and what he's saying is you elevate the clubs because you're there.

Yeah. You're a funny guy. Comedians are in control and all the fucking business apparatus is shivering in their boots as they should. If I like you, you mean something.

If I don't, you don't. Because guess what? You're probably a failed artist like you, you mean something. If I don't, you don't. Because guess what? You're probably a failed artist or you just fell into this. You have no talent. You have no talent. To that point right there, not to cut you, Chris, but to that point, right? I'm a dictator.

You're a dictator. Give me no power. Yeah. I'll be bad. Like the execs at networks, right? They're no different than like NFL owners or NBA owners, right? There was a restricted amount. You mean they're all Jewish.

Okay. Ways of changing, please. Ways of changing. There was a restricted amount of teams, right? So it inflated the value of them. This is the TV age. There's only eight channels to watch. So you could either be bored at your house and look at the wall or you could watch this

show that wasn't that good, but you'll watch it. Okay. The internet came about and all of a sudden it's like if the NBA got a hundred more teams. Right. Right. And these teams all of a sudden are really fucking interesting and good. And maybe they don't make as much money, but the way they play ball. Right. And these teams all of a sudden are really fucking interesting and good. And maybe they don't make as much money, but the way they play ball. Yeah. They are fun to watch. It's like and one or some shit like that.

It's the professor. Yeah. So now all of a sudden the Hawks aren't as interesting to watch. They were only interesting in that restricted market. OK, so now you realize that those people that own those teams, they never had talent in the restricted market. Okay? So now you realize that those people that own those teams, they never had talent in the first place. They were just products of a system that was rigged so they could win. And now that they're out here with us

trying to create content and competing, they got to rest on their talent. Do they have it? The networks that are still popping? A&E is still popping. They're fucking talented over there they find what hoarders

alright people watch it people want that they gotta show where First 48 is one of my favorite shows First 48 people they understand their brand it's a random

it's a random example but it shows real talent real fucking talent over there A&E is something I always will stop on sharp because they know exactly what their people like and they fucking hit it to a T. Most other people are completely

incompetent and it's being exposed because they never had to compete with anything. There were 20 fucking channels. It's like, what are you going to do? Be bored or watch me? Yeah, you're going to watch me. Those days are over. So now you got to compete with me? You think I can't body these fucking execs on ideas? I did

this shit with no money. Exactly. Seinfeld used to say that. Like, just give me the money. I created this all with my brain. Give me the money. I've been telling them this forever and they don't get it and it's so nice to finally do it. And now they try to recreate it and they keep fucking it up.

Yeah. Every time. Like, my next shit after this, I'll tell you guys about it afterwards, but my next shit after this, my next shit after this will expose, I'll tell you guys after this. Yeah. I'll tell you guys about it afterwards. But my next shit after this, my next shit after this will expose. I'll tell you guys after this. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we got to go anyway.

It's been a fucking great fucking hyena episode. It started with ballet, ballroom dancing, and now Schultz is taking over the world. Yeah. Power to us, man. That's the thing. No, I can only take you seriously when you don't have a space. I was going to say, you gave all this such great profound advice, and I was really into it. And then you put on a Space Jam hat, and I just want to press stop and jump out the fucking window.

Anyway, this has been Andrew Schultz. Where can people find you? TheAndrewSchultz.com. I got all my dates for the shows. And YouTube.com slash TheAndrewSchultz. There's no T. Go check out some clips man if you like you keep on watching subscribe and then the special is going to drop

the for the whole month of march right there so thank you so much and flagrant too oh yeah flagrant too brilliant idiots all that stuff is on the channel yeah yes sir follow andrew shows you'll find them go to patreon.com slash bay ridge boys to get more behind the scene content of us well i'm going to call uh my abuser yes that, and then we'll get a patron. And then you can check me, christycomedy.com. I got a lot of dates coming up. Fucking Philly, San Antonio, D.C., and Denver. So it's all coming up the next few weeks.

Thank you. And then, Giannis? Yeah, I will be... I got Levity Live in West Nyack, Governors in Long Island, and Miami Improv. My website's down right now. I'm going to get it back up.

I haven't been paying attention to stand-up at all. I just love this podcast. Hell Hitler! Jesus. Wei Shuxing! Oh, fuck. Come on, hurry up and shuck shit. All right, I got to go suck a dick. ស្រូវាប់បានប់បានប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់