History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 72 - Jim Gaffigan Is WILD!

Episode Date: May 26, 2019

Jim Gaffigan has been everywhere and he tells us all about his travels and what he’s learned from them! Make no mistake Jimmy is a wild one. Enjoy! Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up, cuzzy wuzzies? You're listening to the Bay Ridge of the history hyenas i'm chris stefano aka chrissy chlamydia with me yannis papas aka yanni chobani we got a great guest today superstar comedian fucking jimmy we got we guapo gaffigan yeah i prefer the nickname godfrey yeah i love godfrey jimmy gaffigan's here i call you jimmy i'm jimmy i'm just. You text me, call me Jimmy. That's what I was called as a little kid, Jimmy. Jimmy?

Anybody ever call you Jimbo? Jimbo, Jumbo. Yeah. A lot of stuff. Whitey. Whitey, yeah. I was very much Whitey growing up. Yeah.

The history hyenas, baby. When you played basketball, that was before your era, but whenever I went to a court, my nickname was either Bird or Whitey. My nickname was Whitey. Yeah, Whitey or Bird. Well, same thing. It's just they update the player.

They used to call me Dirk. Oh, Dirk. Dirk Nowitzki. Yeah, he was the guy who was the... Are you saying that we're old? No. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. We're saying we're old as dirt?

No, Dirk. I know. I'm joking. Well, I mean, I am younger, but not that much. How old are you? I'm 21. Nice. I'm 52. You look fucking great, cuz. How old is your mom?

My mom? She's 55. And single. Yeah, and single. So if you're looking... And she's Irish, right? And she's Irish. And she's got a real thing for lean cuisines. Yeah, she loves lean cuisines. She's very Catholic. Lean cuis a real thing for lean cuisines. Yeah, she loves lean cuisine. She's very Catholic. Lean cuisines.

There you go. Smart ones. Well, actually, be more specific. You're her favorite comedian. Really? I told you that on a show. Yeah, you're the favorite. She's going to go nuts.

Yeah. That's great. I'm a big fan of your mom. Yeah. She loves you so much. Hopefully she likes my comedy, not just because I'm Catholic. No, she does. She's like,

keep a four for the Pope. I know. Yeah. I introduced my mother-in-law to the Pope. Talk about checkmate. Yeah. My mother-in-law is very devout Catholic. So it's like,

there you go. Are your kids Catholic too? You're raising them Catholic? I'm actually, I'm raising them Jewish, which is, it's a better career move, I think.

Yeah. No, yeah.'re it's you know we do the whole shebang yeah and it's getting harder and harder i know it's like it's not getting easier to be catholic yeah every week you're like really yeah yeah really is it just everyone is everyone the worst person on the planet for the first time when like the like the New York Times article came out like a couple of months ago about like priest in my neighborhood. First of all, me and my friend Pat Finnegan, I talk about a lot on this podcast. We're combing through the list of priests and we knew about three of those priests.

Pat claims he never got hit. I'm like, I don't know, guy. Well, by the way, it's like I know someone that got hit and he didn't realize till he was in his 40s that never got hit i'm like i don't know guy well by the way it's like i know someone that got hit and he didn't realize till he was in his 40s that he got hit yeah well i'm gonna look forward to you well i tell them like i remember there was i was about 12 years old and father bill asked me to go upstairs and get here uh another tunic for him because i was an altar boy and i remember going up the stairs and i just don't have a memory until i come back so i don't know you know if yannis says that it's because i got hit but i don't know i think

you got hit if it is yeah see orthodox eastern orthodox you can you can get married yeah priests and bishops and the patriarch he's his the the top guy's actually called the patriarch which is so that's that's just wrong yeah you can't do that let's tear it down yeah what did acacio cortez say about that yeah um so uh yeah jim we fucking we love we when we have guests on we don't know we love because we love history we love nature we go wild well let's just be honest this is the biggest get we've ever got this you're the biggest get we ever got and we appreciate one of the greatest comedians of all time yeah we appreciate you coming on because like you're doing us such a favor and you're risking your career.

So we appreciate the risk that you've taken. I'm thrilled to be here. I'm not going to lie, but I have not listened, but I'm a fan of both of you guys. Thank you. And I like the fact that there's... You'd be in the majority if you're not listening.

There's a questioning in both your comedy where it's like I watch you guys do your stuff and I'm like already if you're not listening there's uh you know there's a questioning there's a a questioning in both your comedy where it's like like i watch you guys do your stuff and i'm like all right i'm glad someone's saying that i'm not gonna say it but go ahead yeah yeah i mean like i that's what i love about comedians particularly new york comedians is is that there isn't this necessary orthodoxy. You can have different opinions. You can be great friends with someone that you disagree with. And that's what I love about it.

Yeah. Comedians are the only group. You could see four comedians walking down the street, and they look like they have nothing to do with each other. They wouldn't otherwise be hanging out. You're either like, they're either going to rob a bank in a movie or those are comedians. Right. Cause it's like a housewife,

a black kid. And then like a skateboarding seven to Pete Davidson, smoking cigarettes. Don't talk about Pete Davidson. Yeah. 24 year old hanging out with a 55 year old. She would get some attention. Yeah.

No, the kid is really, he's got a lot of attention. He just can't get the media to notice. Did you see Michael Che get body slammed last night in wrestlemania no i don't watch i feel weird that i don't watch wrestling or know anything about wrestling you shouldn't feel weird you're grown up yeah yeah it's huge it's i feel like it's getting bigger and bigger do your kids watch it or no no no wow they're not interested they're not interested i mean they are like it's video games but like

the wrestlemania thing it is it's huge huge yeah i remember watching it when i was a kid i remember my uh monday night raw was on at nine o'clock and my aunt eileen had cable so i would go downstairs and watch monday night raw with her and she would smoke like a pack of cigarettes watching you know that the shirtless guys wrestle. And I loved it. She loved my and I loved it because I think she was getting turned on by it. But I don't know who David Bautista is. I don't know him from Guardians of the Galaxy. Was he a wrestler?

Yeah. Yeah. He was a wrestler. Yeah. So he was he's like the next step of John Cena. Right. I believe so. Yeah.

So it goes The Rock, John Cenaid batista right mikey mikey suarez is saying mikey emoji face is saying no what do we got mike mikey he wrestled before cena he did yeah he was between the rock and cena so who was the champ who won last night who was the champion uh kofi kingston i don't even know who that is they decide that it's all scripted right it's it's theatrical and it's it's uh but it's all kind of i mean people love it oh they love i mean they sold up what 90 000 tickets yeah last night they're selling tickets like chris d'alia and was it was it was it pay-per-view they have their own like channel now so And was it pay-per-view? They have their own channel now, so it's not pay-per-view anymore. And that's Vince McMahon, and he's just kind of like...

It's very similar to how we're just all manipulated constantly. Vince McMahon, I think we... What is it, Zach? He's worth like $10 or $15 billion? $4 billion. $4 billion, Vince McMahon. You know, when I was a kid, we thought wrestling was real.

Nobody questioned it. So to your point, it's kind of like, it's a great example of how easy it is to manipulate people. Like everyone just thought it was real and you go be like,

they were still doing elbows like stomps and you're going like, wow, that kid's a good fighter. Well, that's why like with standup, why it's good is because like,

even like, you know, guys like you and Seinfeld, it's like like what they always say, like if you drop in on a set and you're not funny after five minutes, like you being there wears off. It's like then they're like, all right, you're not we're not laughing at you. Well, you know, even the premise of this podcast, which I've listened to, I mean, which I haven't listened to is, you know, history is filled with lies. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you mean it's filled with kind of like george washington never told a lie which is obviously a lie yeah you know the sinking of the main you know it's like the spanish didn't do that we did that you know i mean and it's like i think there is something about we're living in this age where we're kind of waking up to some of the delusion but like then again it's like we're always being kind of sold a bill of goods right yeah that's why i've always been fascinated since i'm a kid and even now more like i seek it out like america's enemies i like

to see i like to watch documentaries or read books on their point of view like what because that because there's more truth than that or maybe it's not truth but it's like certainly not what we're gonna hear like what did what did the japanese think so what did that what is what did british students learn about the american revolutionary war stuff like that i always thought like yeah i'm gay some things common sense can tell you it's like they used to say alexander the great like led his troops into battle you're like did he really no he did not because like if you're in the front those kids die yeah like nobody comes back with a sprained ankle

from the front lines like no no he wasn't in the front he was on but Caesar Caesar was fighting wasn't he no I mean they say he was Spartacus definitely was I mean but they say that's my point is like to your point is like is that what they just told their scribe to write down like hey just put me in the front of that at all yeah because if you're in the front

like those guys got swords yeah right yeah you're probably and it's hand-to-hand battle yeah you're not gonna like maneuver away you're not gonna be like i'm on excuse me i'm on a horse yeah well it's like even like we uncovered something you honest uncovered about like you know everyone says like oh how horrible the spaniards were and like when white people came to america and killed native americans and murdered them it's like well actually it wasn't uh it was just disease right we don't control just the disease killed people it's an uncomfortable truth it's an uncomfortable truth where it's like you know i know you want to vilify columbus but it's like really i he may have killed people they all

did i'm sure native americans killed some of his soldiers too but like really i he may have killed people they all did i'm sure native americans killed some of his soldiers too but like really what killed in there is the disease well i think the incas were essentially a military force yeah and it was just disease like then there's no way the europeans would have beat the incas if it wasn't for the disease the measles killed yeah you had dilapidated army we've got the best diseases that's one thing about whites we're dirty fucks

you know how much fucking HPV I have I'm riddled with warts and now you've got some British I was lying I didn't have sex with her I hope to but I don't think she's interested she's not she was like you funny but you're very exciting. You're sweating.

She told me I was sweating because I have on my leather jacket. She's like, do you ride a motorcycle? I was like, I got a Jeep. She was like, then what do you have on that jacket? Well, that's funny. What is the backstory to this? Yesterday, I met a girl. Beautiful girl. Beautiful British girl.

Finally, you met a girl. I met a girl. Chris really struggles with that. So it's good to know that you finally met one. And Jim got out of his car while I was talking to her outside and we had a conversation. So, you know, she's like really beautiful, like very British girl. And she, you know, we just talked all night and, you know, just didn't go. I just don't think she's interested. That's right.

You got to just put yourself out there. there you know what there's nothing wrong with trying one day when you're not looking music play oh by the way you know it was funny because remember when you said yesterday you were like on the show you were like oh that your wife was the first woman you ever kissed and you're like no i'm just joking upstairs she was like i don't think he was joking no she thought she was like i bet you that's the first it was like i'm such a white bread guy and this audience like they were looking at me like i was this piece of well they were so woke that audience and and so like they're like well i don't know who was the the question was like who did you kiss and i and

i said the first woman i ever kissed was my wife and everyone in the audience believed it because i'm like this pale white guy like you know he's a christian yeah yeah she believed it she was like i think he was lying about that i was like yeah oh my gosh then it was so interesting to be this vanilla yeah like it's because no one is as vanilla as people think they are it's just insane yeah but i kind of enjoy it i'm like all right maybe yeah you go ahead think i'm innocent and then i'll kill you and i'll kill you then she asked me because she's just so clueless with comedy she was like because i you know she asked me if i if i still had a day job and i said no you know i do comedy fresh she goes

does jim still have a day job and i was like um i was like uh no and then i just showed her you and then she's like oh he's pretty massive i was like yeah yeah i love how cool is the general public well she's british you know she was like yeah but we're still no matter even the highest like jim's at the highest well even like jim like even like remember we went into union hall yesterday the guy was like who are you on the show and then you were like yeah i'm on the show he's like you what's your name it was like yeah comedians yeah like the general public like whenever anyone asks me about my skits i just it's just i don't know what's going on yeah are you gonna put that in your skit yeah it's like so i'm gonna do it i'll put it in my high school skit this mundane conversation that i'm having

with you on long island when you were talking about like uh you know like people that are doing things bad like so like you were talking about how like the europeans like there's disease and stuff like that but like i like when i was in japan i was so fascinated that like the history of japan is such that like in the 1640s they were like all right ever all the europeans out get out right and then for 200 years they're like nobody can come in if if someone would float up and actually they just murder them they're like just all these foreigners out and then in like the 1860s they're like like, all right, we're going to we're going to these are these Westerners have guns. We're going to like kind of we're going to compete. And then by like 1905, they took over Taiwan.

1910, they kick the shit out of Russia. And then it's just like then they take Korea like they just kicked ass so quickly. Yeah. And I think some of it is just in like some of it is that shintoism it's that belief that we're related to the emperor who is god so therefore we are god so like it's like we even live in this age where like like you know master race stuff like we think of that as world war ii but it's still kind of brewing around but like it's still kind of like something that like people are dealing with and that like i think we're naive to think that that that stuff is over yeah you know yeah you know what's ironic about it too is

that it's the antithetical to what's healthy for your genetic code absolutely Absolutely. The more diversity you have in your genetic code, the healthier immune system. But yeah, we loved it. Greeks are like, we inbreed. It's like, yeah. Greeks want to marry Greeks until the baby's born just one block of feta cheese with an eyebrow.

That's what I'm interested in. Yeah, because you can tell that you're inbred because your eyes are too close together. My eyes are way close together. That's an inbred. We say that I look like John Stamos if he had special needs. Special needs Stamos is what we call him. But wait a minute.

Like, that's the other thing that I think is really interesting is. So I did this show in Barcelona. I love doing international. Barcelona. Barcelona. And I'm doing a show in Madrid. This is because I know you guys have a lot of listeners in Spain. And actually, what are we, the 20th biggest podcast in Libya? No, Liberia.

That's a lot of former American slaves. There you go. But the the thing in Spain, like and I've been to Spain before, but even when I was in an Athens, it's a different thing. But like in Spain, they took all the gold from Central and South America. They're like, we're going to take all this gold. Yeah, we're going to take it back to Spain. And you go to Spain and you're like, what'd you guys do with the gold? I mean, I know you built a Navy and like, yeah, whatever the Queen of England kind of kicked your ass but like what i think is so amazing is these great societies these great cultures like it's just it's just a generation or two that kills it and by the way i mean a generation like or two meaning like a

couple hundred years it's like spain was kicking ass yeah and now it's not yeah yeah greece the obviously and i'm saying this also because you're greek and you're two feet away amazing culture long time ago we're like the albundy of countries yeah but huge yeah like killing it so like enough where the romans worshipped it yeah and then it's like and if you don't happen people think like that fate's not going to touch america and it certainly 100 The Romans worshipped it. Yeah. And then it's like, what happens? People think like that fate's not going to touch America. And it certainly 100% is. Yeah, because it's a finite.

Yeah, everything has a peak. Everything rises, peaks, and falls. And you can just like, you know, over in Asia and even the Asians and South Asians that come here, they're majoring in STEM, biology, engineering. And you talk to kids who were born here and they're like, what are you majoring? They're like, I'm an english major you're like so you're majoring in the language you learned at four years old mastered yeah well that's like that's how we're gonna beat the chinese even like with culture and stuff like it's fascinating where it's like somebody will be like i stand by my culture and it's like really what your culture is though buddy is just whoever conquered whatever country you're from just instituted their rules and their ideas because you're a great, great, great, great, great grandmother probably would be fucking vomiting if she saw you eating that kind of food or having your hair that way because it's like that was the enemy.

What are you doing? So it's like this whole it's fascinating to me when these kids, these millennials are like, that's my culture. You're appropriating. It's like appropriating. What do you do? Even know what the fuck you're talking about? I don't think you do. No, it is all a blur, right? It's all a blur. Of course.

But the Greeks really gave you guys civilization. Yeah, everything. Yanni's about the Greeks. Yeah, that too. Which is nice. It's recreational. What was the army? There was a legion the the the army that there was a legion of the greek army that they were it was all gay men yes or not men it was all guys who

would have i think they were called the honest papas yeah i think they were just called the q brigade the fucking team q where they would bang each other in the ass and fall in love with each other because their whole mindset was if i love the man sexually and romantically I'm fighting next to I'll do anything to protect him I think this is just a porn you watched yeah I don't think is that is this really true it's true yeah there was I was hanging out with Mateo Lane once and yeah just kids

a piece and then we I don't know yeah that kid is a fucking piece is a piece what a bod but yeah there was an elite Spartan force and they were all lovers and the point was like they were and they were vicious but the point was like they were and they were vicious. But the point was like they loved each other so much. Like they you know, they would bang for to bond. So like but like so what?

You know, like so that was just kind of a cultural thing because, you know, like these some of these guys were like not gay. And they're like, well, this is I guess this gets me ready for the battle but that's like some actors some some porn actors who are in gay porn are not gay guys they just get paid a lot more money yeah yeah you believe that yeah you believe that you suck a dick you dick sucker no um it is but like some of it is culture. So like that would lead you to believe that people aren't born gay, that you can be culturally manipulated. I think both are true for sure.

I think so. Yeah. And not only culturally, but you just choose it and be like, you know what? I'm a curious kid. I want to try this out and then like it. But like I always say, I think it's funny when you think about the gays in the military debate here. It's like like it never happened before you're like oh that's a great point yeah alexander the great conquered he was conquered the whole world sexual and it's like yeah thank god there

was no gays in the military during that time yeah what about nero just fucking taking guys off the street and cutting their balls off and making them eunuchs i mean nero was a wild nero was a fucking if you want to listen to any episode of our podcast, listen to Nero was wild. Nero, huh? Emperor Nero was the most nuts man. Okay, so he took a eunuch. He took a guy off the street, cut his balls off, made him a eunuch, and then got married to him. He wanted to marry him.

But he, so he was the, Nero was the groom and the eunuch was the wife. And then he divorced that guy or killed him. And then like a year later, did the same thing to somebody else but then nero was the wife yeah nero wanted nero wanted to be the bride people change people evolve you know who you are when you were in your 20s is different from your 30s what you're into i used to smoke cigarettes i don't anymore yeah yeah japan must have been fascinating because i come from a neighborhood like you know my boy patty finnegan's patty fly balls and chrissy worm these are like my actual real friends like they still will need sushi because they think japanese food

is the food of the enemy oh yeah no it's well you know it's fascinating so they would be like yo what is gaff getting enemy territory like hearing he's a spy. He's some of that Japanese history. It's just fascinating. Like, yeah, you know, the the Shoguns and like the emperor related to God, which is not that rare. Right. But like like they the the eight corners of the world, they were like, we're taking over. They had a plan. There were like people that wrote books, how we're going to take over the world and like the western world's like that that that like

we didn't pay attention at all but like they went into korea and a shogun died in battle and they retreated in like the i want to say the 1500s and um they cut off all the soldiers that died. They took their ears and all the Koreans that they killed. They took their ears and they brought them back and they're pickled in Kyoto. I swear to God. That's cute. So you saw a 1500. I didn't see it.

I kept bringing it up to our Japanese tour guide and he's like, I don't know what you're talking about. So like maybe it is myth, but like that's the story that i had years yeah isn't that amazing did you do you feel like there's any like lingering resentment against americans in japan or you didn't get that vibe at all no i felt like uh you know it's interesting going to all these different asian countries but some of it is i end up talking to expats you you know, who are there, you know, whether they're British or American or whatever, and they have their own interpretation of things. So like the expat community in Thailand, because of the sexual stuff is viewed differently. And so like the expat community in taiwan is viewed differently than even in japan now like in china they're i think they're you know like there's if you talk to like an expat

they're like you know all of this is revenge for the opium wars like what went on that they had this great culture and the British just were like, here's smoke. And just, you know, addicted, uh, a generation took over. I love the way the British did it too.

Just the way they did genocide and enslave people with just with class though. Hello. Yeah. Here, we're going to drink tea and then murder all of you. Yeah. Like the English. What an amazing, amazing.

You know, by the way, you look at the English and you look at the Japanese, these island people. Right. And they, you know, the I think the fascinating thing about the British is how different how they've retained that like culture is very important to them. But, you know, like you move to the UK after a generation, you're British. Yeah. You know, whereas you move to America, you know, like maybe the first generation, they don't teach the language. But the second generation, they're like, I got to relearn what my grandpa knew.

And and the British, it's like, you know, because they controlled history, I think a lot of these stories are not out there. And so like what, you know, the resentment that America encounters worldwide, I'm kind of baffled because compared to the British, that's a great point. We're doing, you know, 40 years before that. That's a great point. I never thought of that is, is amazing. Yeah. And that's some of that is controlling the narrative yeah i think the british were like mastered i mean they went into india and they chopped off silk weavers thumbs yeah and we're like you guys want to buy belfast

linens you're like shit that would just freak you out. Murder all of them, but also teach them cricket so they can be thankful. You know, like what the Japanese did in the rape of Nanking. Oh my god. The rape of Nanking, yeah. And so like, but the British did that, but I don't think it's in the history books. Yeah, they probably just cricket.

It's just, remember cricket? Oh yeah, well it's like, that's a great point. Even with the rape of you know nan king and like some of the atrocities that like the japanese did to their own people and to the chinese and to our soldiers like you know when you think about world war two obviously the fucking holocaust was a way bigger problem of course yeah but it's like people are always like yeah they never think about anything like Japanese have always been our friends. Like, no. Well, it's interesting. I think it's fascinating, you know, going to Japan versus going to Germany.

Like, you can't walk five feet in Germany without a plaque, kind of like this self-acknowledgement. I'm sure like to Jews, it's not enough. enough but like but compared to the japanese it is there's a certain it's just a different culture how they digest their history right and by the way it's not like when i was in japan granted i was there like five days it's not like in when i was in japan i was like these people are like i'm gonna we're coming back it's none of that it's like like, it's just, it's fascinating. It's fascinating to think that like, but again, I think some of that is propaganda. These people in Germany and Japan were brainwashed. Right.

Yeah. They're just like any other people that were just sold a load of shit. But just, just a footnote, what you said, the Japanese kind of were as bad in a lot of ways yeah as as the germans the rape and what they did to the chinese was brutal but i'm saying in the history books you only think about the holocaust or if we think about or if we talk about what stalin did to his people nobody knows that stalin killed more people than hitler because the narrative is hitler is the worst he killed all the jews which is all true and horrible but like stalin how many i think

i think the the facts are stalin killed more yeah than hitler did yeah definitely but nobody knows that yeah well by the way you know and i don't know if i mentioned this to you is you know there's a world war ii museum in new orleans which is amazing really i would never think in that place i know well i think they had a lot of ship stuff built their ship stuff that's a technical term but uh but you know when i think of like you know as someone who loves history and growing up and what i was taught but like i think even like from a historical perspective it's like the russians won world war ii like they they did it of course in a way that was an incredible sacrifice and it's like they had done it before with napoleon but like also like you know just like the sacrifice that the

russians in sheer number of people 20 of russian boys between 19 and 22 or something like that were killed in that time period in that four year so it's like if you were right you think about that you had a fucking 80 percent ish chance of living think about how many women there was yeah you can get a couple of them yeah it's fucking whores everywhere we talked about that before it's like any point in russian history always seems to come with like and millions of people died yeah unbelievable. Unbelievable. Yeah. Millions. Yeah. Millions.

When Stalin and Churchill were negotiating, Stalin would kind of mess with Churchill and be like, oh, yeah, I killed two million people. Yeah. Like, whereas Churchill was like, you know, Churchill did some dirty shit, too. Sure. But like Churchill was like, I don't want anyone to know that I starved people in India. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The British style. They had. I think a lot of it is the way the wasps kind of do it. want anyone to know that i starved people in india yeah yeah yeah man the british style they had i think a lot of it is the way the wasps kind of do it they do it with a straight back very regal they don't murder in like a brutal way like you know they don't make noises they just go bring him in shoot him quiet you know it's very demure murder yeah i saw this thing about how like even because you know that like uh the western hemisphere like all of continental north america was at one time called florida isn't that ironic

the whole it was all called because it was spanish it was spanish territory columbus came here and claimed the whole shebang to to to so everything was florida everything was florida and everything was called florida and then the spanish had a king right see there's there's florida the spanish had a king that was like 16 right and the french and the english were like hey we're gonna set up set up uh like so in saint peter's is not saint petersburg um somewhere in florida there was a spanish colony that saint augustine saint augustine yeah and saint augustine uh that cultural experience was completely different from the puritans which by the way i think is all propaganda um is that, you know, like the

Spanish, there were the Irish, there were the slaves, there were, you know, not the slaves, there were people of African descent. And it was all a mix together. And the English and the French went in there and killed them. And then they're like, here's how we're going to do it. We just learned something today, too. And again, things about history, it's like it doesn't discount anything because it's still brutal. But we just learned the fact from one of our listeners that only 1.6 percent of the u.s population what year was it only 1.1860 the height of slavery 1.6 percent of the american population owned slaves only 1.6 so so that still doesn't you know it's still a lot but it's like you would think everybody in the south owned slaves and it's like if you were you know running or if you were if you

were you know black and you were going to be a slave it's like it's just not true oh that's interesting because i think the perception is any southern white owned a slave but it's not true because think about you'd have to have money to own slaves so a lot of people didn't have money down so i mean not they probably wanted to but they didn't you know again it doesn't discount anything but it's like now i feel like we live in a time where you can't even say that without someone be like well what are you trying to say it's like i'm not trying to say anything bad about slavery i'm trying to say it was horrible but i'm also telling you that there's fact there's numbers and there's facts right which by the way i'm like when we were doing that podcast last night and there were some

of the stuff was coming up, like a big thing, I believe, is that there is there's racial stuff, obviously, but it comes down to class. Like, you know, when when Jordan was talking about working in advertising, I'm like, of course, you worked in advertising. Yeah, because it's like I think that's the deciding. Yeah, because it's like I think that's the deciding that's the that's the great you peel away all these layers of, you know, bigotry. And some of it is it is institutional, I think. But like, it's all class.

So like the whole thing is, is like, you know, slavery. It's like, you know, like it's like we got these poor white people in the South. It's like, let them think that they're better than these people. Right. I mean, it's all about class. All about. Yeah. That's why I'm running for senator. And you're going to get my vote.

Yeah. Well, nowadays, and I think, you know, I think the door is wide open. If you if any of us wanted to run, I don't think anyone would go like, hey, that's odd. I think they go, you know what? He's different. He's an outsider. Let's go for him. We're not going to go back. We'll never have... Donald Trump has certainly brought entertainment

to the White House. So a comedian... Don't talk about my president. He's funny, dude. When he posted the meme of Joe Biden rubbing Joe Biden... I i mean he just is he's doing jokes constantly i think there's an inherent uh he has a uh a manipulation ability i don't know if that's the word but like he knows what's gonna work yeah like oh yeah that nobody else knows like most people like this is gonna backfire and he's like

don't worry well you know he's been media trained his whole life like he's been a star and been trying to get in the media and work with gossip comms since he was like in his early 20s so he knows he knows better than anyone i think the weaknesses of the media and how they go for hyperbole they go for sensationalization and he kind of uses it against them. When you were in Thailand, did you see any ladyboys? I did not. No? I was kind of disappointed. You didn't push it to the limit? Yeah, Brody Stevens, the great late Brody Stevens

funniest Instagram clip. He said he pushed it to the limit in Thailand. He's like, I pushed it to the limit. I explored the ladyboy culture and I pushed it to the limit. Little Esther was like, what do you mean? He's like, I pushed it to the limit. He's like, let's just say I pushed it to the limit. I pushed it to the limit in Thailand withailand with the lady no i was i was with my family i mean by the way thailand fascinating you know you go to china and there's the three t's you can't bring up what right taiwan tibet and tiananmen square and then you think like as americans you think oh wow

there's this restriction. There's this government influence. And by the way, they have a rating scale of behavior for individuals. There's facial recognition. It's like it's stuff that freaks you out. And then we went to Thailand and Thailand. There's it's a royalty, right? It's a it's a feudal system.

And there's billboards up of the king around. And you're like, what is that guy in a movie? And they're like, no, that's the king. And they're like, can't talk about the king. And you're like, we can't talk about the king. They're like, you can't talk about that. Can't bring up King and I. And you're like, well, that seems silly.

Yeah. And then you go to Singapore and you go and and they're like you can't chew gum you're like it makes communists trying to appear like rational adults yeah i mean it's like you can't chew gum in singapore you can't chew gum what's the reason what's yeah uh i think it's filth it's a clean city right it's a clean city but you know i mean so is seoul so is uh tokyo yeah but uh and again i was in singapore two days what do i know about singapore nothing yeah but it's like that's pretty weird yeah i mean that's pretty strange you know you can't chew gum prostitution there's some prostitutes bouncing around you know i'm like with my kids i'm like don't talk to that lady you know i mean yeah it's not like it's rampant but it's like

singapore's like vegas but they're like you know what let's get rid of gum yeah i mean in japan aren't you not allowed to talk on the train i don't know i wasn't on the train i wasn't on the train japanese uh culture very interesting like um you know the the cabs they open the door for you you don't open the door they get right out and open no no there's a lever on the inside where the door opens and then interesting there's a lot of culture of like put the card down there like essentially i don't want to touch you white beast kind of stuff interesting but it's fascinating you know korea japan everyone's very dolled up like dressed up like you're like it's a bouncer and he looks great you know and it's not like he's at a nightclub

you know i mean it's just i guess the bouncer's a bad example it's fascinating because you've been everywhere you've kind of you think you've been like all over almost every place you know i mean i wish i wish i've been to south america i want to go to i want to go to india i want to go to south america for your fan you think your fans there i don't probably not but uh i mean india fans in fucking taiwan india the unifying language is english but i think what i had heard is that you know there's good comedians that are indians so they don't need you know name one i don't know no but like you know but uh the asan menage no but like yeah yeah so there's they don't and and some of it is the economy of these places supposedly in in uh like i wanted to go to the philippines and uh um it didn't work out but like supposedly the

philippines like people can't like whereas in singapore i think the ticket was 100 us dollars whereas in like the philippines it's like 10 and if you're trying to pay for a flight there you know that's a lot of money holy shit a hundred bucks so it's like but it's it's you know international shows i performed in athens i said hi to all your family and uh but did i email you you did you tell me about it yeah it amazing. And because most of the audience you go to, you do these international shows and some of the audience is expats. And some of it is, say, people that, you know, studied in America or studied in Canada or something like that. But in in Athens, it was a lot of it was a lot of Greeks that spokeks that spoke english as a second language didn't necessarily uh study in the u.s i mean obviously the greek and american community is very close

you know everyone has a relative there or here you know i mean but it was pretty interesting like it's like that's definitely a place you know for you know uh yannis and you know like you have that character but i think you said like that character might not work in Greece. Yeah. It's like a love. They have a love in Turkey. He can't even go over there. There's Turkish people that send them death threats. Well, no, actually Greeks, I've gotten Greek death threats from that character. Yeah. Yeah. Cause they just Greeks, Greeks are very prideful. You probably got that. Yeah. And they just feel like the character makes Greeks look bad. Cause I kinda, you know, the the characters all the foibles of greek culture right wrapped up in one well and you're such like an international comedian like you got fans all over the world have ever shown

up to a country or city where like just majority of the audience didn't speak english and you just had a really tough time well i mean it's i think there's different uh different and i appreciate you saying that but like i'm just doing it because i like to travel but like it depends on this no but you're selling tickets i mean you're playing kid moves tickets jimmy jimmy gaffigan fucking jimmy g the kid does not have a day job you dumb british bitch no but like it fucking sells tickets it depends, I think I think performing in the UK is weirder than performing in Copenhagen. Wow. What do you think?

Because I think that in Copenhagen or Athens, people that are going to learn English have consumed American entertainment, whereas the UK, they have their own culture. Whereas the UK, they have their own culture. Like, I think like what works, you know, you know, I mean, not to get too nerdy, but like, I think the British love they love super intellectual and they love American anger. Right. So they love Bill Burr. They love Bill Hicks. You know, they love Louis Black. love bill burr they love bill hicks you know they love lewis black but like an observational guy like me uh it's not as uh like they've got their own version of it you know i mean yeah so i think

um but other countries where they don't yeah they don't uh do subtitles so like scandinavia they don't they just put the american shows on they don't do subtitles whereas in france and germany they would dub them there's 60 million people why not dub it of course might as well well yeah because to i mean you know me i've told you honestly and anytime anybody asks like who's your career who do you want your career to get to and it's always you because i see like how you take your family everywhere and like that experience i you know because i got a three-year-old daughter i'm always thinking about like that experience for your kids must be like fucking nuts it's it's beautiful it's like i will i would argue like i know you said it was spring break but like taking your kids to those countries even taking them out of school if you had to would be more

educational and better for them as humans than fucking learning algebra like nobody gives you shit i think i mean i think that's why i also want to go because there's moments like in thailand where we're like driving through thailand and i'm like i take my phones away and i'm like look out the window hell yeah they're like what yeah and i'm like yeah this is you know yeah you know uh newark is pretty nice compared to this yeah i mean it's like uh by the way no criticism of newer but you're not that's the point you're playing the presenter it's like people you know in some of these countries it's like wow yeah it must be fascinating for your kids like when they come to work with you

and you go into an arena where the bucks play yeah like daddy's going to work it's insane yeah they go back to school but they you know, like dad's truck route. Yeah. They, they, they have, you know, they have no idea and then they have an idea. And then, and then they're kind of like, you know, my 13 year old son's like, you know, who's really funny. I was going to say that kid is hilarious when you put them on Instagram. He's really funny. Yeah. And so like I have the, you know,

but it's weird. Cause like my dad was and so like i have the you know um but it's weird because like my dad was like a small town banker you know it's like you guys you know you know like uh you know there's nothing prepare you to be the a parent who's in the entertainment industry unless you're were your parents in the entertainment industry so it's like it's just it's weird yeah you go into parent teacher conferences and they're like they're funny and you're like that i want them to learn how to read yeah yeah well that's like that's like you know you mentioned like you know your boy on instagram and your kids on instagram you know when my daughter was first born i put a picture of her on instagram my mother

was like you can't do that you can't put your children on instagram and then i was like look at jim gaffigan's instagram it was just like your kid doing something funny with like sucking a noodle and she's like oh it's all right yeah. And she's like, oh, it's all right. She loves it. Yeah. Right away. She's like, it's all right. Yeah.

By the way, I think that like, I mean, judging from your daughter's personality, she probably loves it. Yeah. She loves it. And you know what? I don't, I don't just personally like me because I only got one kid. And then you don't have to pay her either. Exactly.

I'm going to keep all that money. If she goes viral, that's fucking nice. Yeah. Let's be honest. The kid moves tickets. Your daughter gets gets like my daughter moves tickets yeah but i got a group chat with my mom my dad my stepmom uh my daughter's mother and my daughter's grandmother on her mother's side and i i send a video to that group chat and they they all have to approve it right before i post it right because i don't want it anything to be like oh what no everybody's like

okay right this is okay yeah to post that's like the de stephano legal department and the only time the only time it you know if somebody like if like my dad's like i don't think so i'm like why don't you just go gamble my money and not right back to the group chat there is something there is something strange because like there was like i remember i was debating it i was like this is you know something with your kids yeah it's like and i've i i've met people and they're like i would never you know she's british this friend of mine and she was like i would never have a photo of my children at a premiere and i'm like it doesn't it wouldn't be fun for them and uh but like

the thing is is like there's a big difference between full-on kardashian sure and then your kid gets to see yeah a harry potter movie for free yeah yeah get some neat harry harry potter's at the birthday party it's like i'm not tom cruise No one's stalking us. But you also play it that way, which I admire. You kind of downplay everything. You wouldn't know. You don't act like... Jim Gaffigan's... You don't act like you made $30 million last year, Jimmy. Let's see

you coming in here with a fucking t-shirt from Target. You got $30 million in the bank. Easy. This is a free gift. Let's be honest, Jimmy. Kid moves fucking tickets. Kid's got some fucking money i mean you're one of the biggest kids in the world i just want to help people you guys i just want to get out there and help people yeah this kid's not flying delta yeah but that that's uh that's admirable do you feel like that helps with the comedy to be the perennial underdog like it's

it's it's beneficial because you don't want to get up there right because if you're there like what do you complain about well yeah i mean i think i think there is something about having children that uh keeps things real i mean look i'm a guy who doesn't want to go outside like i was five minutes late to meet you guys and i don't live that far from here yeah so i'm not like i gotta put on pants so it's like being a parent you gotta do stuff you wouldn't normally do you're like you gotta talk to people you wouldn't want to talk to yeah and like as as comedians we don't like people to tell us things to do and so as you get older you kind of eliminate you're like all right that person's a douchebag i'm just not going to show up right when they're here but like when you have a kid you're forced to do that which is good for comedy interesting right that's

very interesting so it's it's it's a it's it's an indirect and you know by the way seinfeld even said that to me goes oh you travel with your kids you're so lucky you get all that material and i'm like yeah i never really thought about it like that i mean my kids just think i'm just in a bad mood that's interesting because you're essentially saying like as comics we don't want to do things we don't want people telling us to do but when we do them we benefit by getting material out of it right it's like yeah it's you know that's interesting some of the comedy comes out of anger yeah right it's just like can't believe this and then you can turn it into something funny and you're're like, thank God that horrible thing happened. Yeah. Yeah.

I remember I was at the stand. You had, he got, there was Jim. He, he got when he punched you in the stomach. No, that was another time. That was, he had a few bruises. Jimmy likes to have a few bruises. You're a Catholic kid. You like to throw a few back.

Irish kids like to just have a few bruises on this podcast. You know what? There's nothing wrong with it Yeah that's what I said yeah well Jimmy when I heard about that I said listen Jimmy's a fucking Irish kid Yeah from the Midwest Who did I punch? Somebody at Gotham I thought you punched Oh my god I almost got my ass kicked

No are you kidding me you would fuck it no way I kicked someone at the comic strip Yeah I brought it up because he kicked somebody in the stomach at the comic strip We'll see then That's the thing it's like here's my point my point is we when you're a comedian or in the entertainment industry but particularly as a comedian there's a heavy dose of shit that has to be consumed sure and there comes times when you're like okay i lost the flavor for it you know i mean like there's people that you'll kiss their ass that are just monsters yeah but there comes a point where you're like

nope no more done with you now yeah and so yeah that's that has happened yeah and there's times you know it's like and i'm not proud of it right and you know i don't think there's anything great about having a temper no but uh but like you to me, like you're just like a grounded, like regular guy, like you want just like there's a lot of people in our business, maybe not comedians, but like in the entertainment industry that think they're some God or goddess like status because they can act or because they're on a stage when it's like, really, it's like, you know, I always use that example of Christian Bale when he was yelling at that key grip guy because he was like in his face face like berating him and it's like at some point guy you keep talking like that it's just man to man i'm gonna punch you right in the fucking face yeah it's just like stop thinking that

because you make money or because i'll you'll get hit yeah and i just feel like you're a guy like that where it's like you don't you would never treat anybody inferior no that's what i was about to say like you know the times you probably explore, you were probably right. Exactly. That's what I was going to say. By the way, here's the thing. I was probably right, but I did handle it wrong. What happened? Right intention, wrong move. Well, I mean,

subjective. Maybe you handled it the right way. No, I was, yeah. I mean, I wasn't there, but I bet you the guy was right. I was good. You fucking were right. No, because you are. The guy wants to keep talking. He'll get smoked. Yeah. I remember the first time he messaged me, I was right. I was good. No, because you are, God wants to keep talking. He'll get smoked. Yeah.

I remember like the first time he mentioned me, I was like, Jim Gaffigan knows who I am. It was kind of like, you're just a very nice kind of down earth guy. But don't you feel like, you know, I mean,

this is something I also believe is that all the comedians were all these misfits that like, there is kind of like, if you kick around for five years and you are in this insane pursuit, then you're kind of brothers and sisters anyway. So like even, and that goes back to my initial statement about New York comedy. It's like,

there are people that like stylistically are completely different but you would go to the mat for them for sure right you know i mean and that's kind of it goes along with like that first amendment stuff people are like uh you know like when people go oh i love that you're so clean i'm like look it just comes out that way i'm gonna defend someone's right to say anything yeah it's like it's like even like you know we talk about like you know obviously most recent like the louis ck shit like whatever you felt about the off the stage shit it's like when that when he was at governors and they like posted his audio it's like i don't care what you think guy girl it's like that's fucked up you shouldn't do that at all because it's like the

guy's working shit out and you're trying you're trying to squander it like fuck you yeah you know i mean that's like comedians just you know helping comedians. It's, you know, the Louis thing is so fascinating because I had an interview and I talked to this this reporter before and I was like giving him shit. I'm like, you guys can't quit, Louis. You can't stop writing about him. And the guy was like a really good sport about it. And I was like, and the point I was making was like he you know point made you know like i know that you gotta do clicks and stuff like that but there's a disproportionate amount of articles

about him it's dumb it's died down a lot yeah and so that was in the article and my point was like i was not supporting louis i was just making a point that the media was obsessed with louis people were furious of course yeah of course you know what it is you're not gonna win you're not you know so it's like you just might as well say what you want to say and do what you want to do because they're gonna hate you anyway yeah i think a lot of it is um it's an illusion if you believe it if you a lot of the reason i think louis dealt with that is because of the way he responded like the way he kind of you know right, made a long apology and stuff like that. You know, it's like then you admit like I did something.

Like if you didn't commit a crime or, you know, it's like. It's interesting. You got to kind of own it. It's also like what is a public apology? I've always been fascinated with that. It's like apologize to whatever victim, but you have to publicly for what yeah i don't know shit to me i don't fucking know who you are it's interesting like uh you know like the biden thing because i sit there and i go like they're you know biden's not gonna make it you know like he's gonna let's be realistic like

if i i don't know him but if i did i'd say just don't yeah it's just like you're you're you're too much of a target yeah you're too old you're too kind of like your ways are not gonna like float in this kind of savagery that we live in and uh but i look at like his apology and then he was making jokes about it. And again, I didn't even see the full apology. I didn't see the jokes, but I'm like, it's no win. Yeah.

You're not going to win. It is no win. Like, that's where I'm like, dude, just don't do it. Yeah. Yeah.

Like everyone loves you. Yeah. Just stick with that role. Well, now it's like anything you go into the public eye, especially with politics, like, you know,

Kavanaugh, like your life is just ruined. Like that guy, you know, nobody would have said it. Nobody would have came forward if he never ran, wanted politics like you know kavanaugh like your life is just ruined like that guy you know nobody would have said it nobody would have came forward if he never ran wanted to you know do the supreme court justice but it's like when you want to do that man like that's why it's like having you know being able to be like very famous and have ticket sales but also have a degree of anonymity is great well it's beautiful is some of that is because i'm boring it's just absolutely there's nothing sexy about me except for my body but it's true it's like it's like yeah it's like people you know obviously you know what you do is it speaks for itself but like you know people wouldn't be as interested if you said something controversial as fucking

you know some other comedian that you probably make more money than but it's just like so it's like to have your life is beautiful yeah but you'd be a great guy to drink with because you hold it in the whole time and then you get a couple in you probably let it fly that irish shit yeah like yeah he starts punching people yeah like when my mom she's an irish drinker when she moves the vegetables because she used to keep beers underneath the vegetables so yeah because that's what she knew i wouldn't look because i hate a vegetable so when we say my mom drinks she moves the vegetables and when she that's what she knew I wouldn't look because I hate a vegetable. So when we say my mom drinks, she moves the vegetables. And when she drinks, you know, her opinions start to come out.

Yeah. And it's because she's a very Catholic woman, goes to church every day. She says the word welfare a lot. Yeah. But then she starts drinking. She's like, why is my dad? I got to go to work every day to pay for this fucking welfare. So interesting.

Yeah. That sounded a little more like Annie Lee. Oh, Annie Lee. Yeah. Smoked cigarettes. But I was saying before. We are sweating in here. We are sweating. so interesting yeah that sounded a little more like ann eileen oh ann eileen yeah smoke cigarettes but i was saying before we are sweating in here we are sweating it's hot in here right hot yeah yeah let's take our shirts off i guess they can't do the ac you know what the ironic thing is the three of us are sweating and mike mush who's heavier than all of us is just dry as a lamp well i'll tell you what yeah but but you're not sitting by him i'll tell you he is breathing

heavy holy shit all i hear i'm like hey can you not do that into the mic cuz we got gaffigan on every time i have watched jim it's like he's so you're so you make me laugh so hard he's so funny obviously everyone knows that but it's like there was this one bit you it was probably like a new bit to you working out about massage about how and i was it was brilliant it's like the simplest observation that nobody ever thought of but that's true it's like uh and it just is so funny it's like yeah we have to go pay someone oh yeah to touch us because the ones who love us the most will do it for like three seconds like my arm hurts yeah i was fucking dying laughing it's so true and I was like wow like

it's classic bits, the bacon bit when you think about that it's like every girlfriend I've ever had I'm like can you scratch my back they're like no and then you have to literally what is it about getting a massage that the people who love you the most don't want to do it like if you lost them

your life would be over but you can't massage them it doesn't make any sense whatsoever it's wild do you think like you would ever in your career I mean it's cause you know you've got so many fans would you ever just do like a bit like that's not clean

would you ever like just think about Jesus wouldn't let me he's a vessel for the lord because you weren't always clean right when you first started you would just say whatever some of it is like look i think that comedy is all about you know it's all self assignment right we're always kind of like i'm gonna tell this story i'm gonna but it's some of it is a perception game it's like like if you look at uh some of my material i've done material that maybe it's not filthy maybe it's not like a blowjob with dick on the balls

or anything like that but you know like i've had whole chunks on cancer where people are like there are people in audiences that have come up to me afterwards and been like that's not cool you know i mean so it is but you have to like you know it's like any relationship you have to keep things interesting you can't have the exact same conversation with well that's what i love that's why you know again more inspirational comedy for me because you're clean but edgy you're not like not you're like clean and edgy which is like that's very very hard to do but it is also one of those things where i think the i don't know you know it's weird because like some of it is like it's

functionality like i had filthy stuff not i wouldn't say filthy stuff but i like character stuff that was really maybe blue that was good but then in my set i couldn't follow it right i mean so like i would have like this filthy joke but then after that i couldn't really talk about mini muffins through like weren't you just talking about having sex with a donkey so some of it is like if you're building uh you know an hour show and it's you know it's like hannah gaspy does it you know but you know i mean it's like if you're building a show it's gotta you know and by the way i do think there are people that can go dirty and then go really kind of you know detail-y you know like chappelle can do that chris rock can do that but i you know i think generally humans want you know it chapelle can do that chris rock can do that but you know i think generally humans

want you know it's blood and lust people want blood and lust so like it's once you go in there yeah then you can't sit there and go you know isn't it interesting how doorknobs turn to the right and not the left you know i mean it's like no one gives a shit after you've discussed like filth it's like the mc who goes on you know the mc who does all crowd work and it's filthy crowd work and fucking annihilates yeah it's the worst like even famous comedians couldn't handle couldn't follow it because like that's not what the crowd wants yeah well it's also like if a conversation has been established with the audience where the audience is like i'm participating yeah then you get up there and you're asking rhetorical

questions they're like i'll'll respond. Yeah. Yeah. That's what. Yeah. The yeah. One of the first times I saw you in a small room. Yeah. You had an edgy joke. It was so funny and quick.

You went, hey, like, just like too many celebrities now. You're like, we're just going to have to go. Hey, you got to go back to being a whore. It was like, I think it was the era of like Nicole Richie and the Hilton sisters. And you're like, Hey, no, you're just going to go back.

But that's so true though. Right. It is true. Yeah, it is. Cause you're famous, but really essentially you're a whore. I tried to do something about how,

uh, and the thing is, is i also like i think that there's this is me nerding out but i think there's an aftertaste to comedy too that like anger is great um but having a point is more insightful so like you know i don't want to do us and them i don't want to do like those people are pricks. Yeah. Which is by the way, there's nothing wrong with that except for like, I don't want people to be like, Oh, I, you know, cause everyone has that funny queenie friend. That's like, whether it's a man or a woman that's really bitchy, but after you hang around them, you're like, Oh, like you

feel kind of dirty. You're like, Oh like oh wait a minute i was making fun of a mentally disabled or i was laughing at a joke about a mentally disabled exactly so it's like it's like is you know and the aftertaste is kind of important now i just sound like a pompous fool no no no it's not so it's like there is some of the comedy like i don't want it to be us and them like i remember seeing that when i was coming up where people would be like these stupid people that believe in God. You know what I mean? Like I didn't want to do that or I didn't want to be these stupid people that are going to hell. It's like you can communicate it.

And that's why, you know, I often make myself the target. Yeah, sure. Or Russians. Yeah. Well, you know, some of it, I think, don't you think some of it's a progression too because when you're young comic you're a little more arrogant so you're going they're dumb then you get older you realize oh nobody knows what's going on we're all nobody nobody knows by the way the arrogance of every generation of humans is astounding yeah it's just like we got it figured out yeah we finally gotta figure it out we put

leeches on people and that heals them it's insane yeah but on the but on the flip side it is like the audaciousness of a few people who who do go for it and figure it out and then like and by the way those people know like i think like politics for me, I, you know, my views are so kind of flexible. And, you know, I'm like, I don't know, you know, I am for people to have these rights. And I am for people to like, you know, yeah, you know, I don't hunt, but people should be allowed to hunt. You know what I mean? So it's like, that's some of where I don't want to like stick my head in there because I might change. Like, I love talking with friends because I love having friends like Ted Alexandro and Tom Shalhoub. Like those are the two guys that have all opposites politically, completely opposite.

One's Occupy Wall Street and one's a Fox News guy. And it's like I love having those. And with both of them, I'm like, yeah, you're right. Yeah. Like, yeah. Well, it's true because you're reasonable.. And with both of them, I'm like, yeah, you're right. Yeah. Like, yeah. Well, it's true because you're reasonable. A reasonable person lives in the gray zone. He just leans one way, but he really lives in the fucking gray zone.

If we were going to sum up the kind of zeitgeist right now, I think that's really that person. That perspective is like is not celebrated. Oh, it's like that. It used to be yeah it used to be your mom was a rep your mom was dad was a republican because he owned a business your mom was a democrat because she lived off of him and it was no big deal yeah you know now it's like you got to be extreme yeah if you're like a republican and you tell democrats you're republican like you white supremacist nazi you got mexican babies in your basement it's better there's a strange orthodoxy

that like is is kind of like it's a litmus test yeah on both sides it's like you know i think we associate it more with republicans like republican only in name but like yeah i mean that's i'm glad i don't peddle in that because you're all people are always getting tossed aside. Not enough. Yeah. Not enough. The extremes have become the norm. It's wild. We've got to be like every guy in this in this room.

Like we say, we're relatively straight and we lean gay. It's what it is. What it is. We lean gay. And not me. Yeah. What? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I mean, you look gay. I feel gay, to be honest with you. You you do have you're just a together. Good looking kid. Yeah. I told you. I mean, we've talked about this. I have sex with women, but I fall in honest with you. You do have, you're just a together good looking kid. Yeah. I told you, I mean, we've talked about this. I have sex with women, but I fall in love with men.

Yeah. Like I'm stimulated by a conversation with a few guys, but I want to have sex with a girl. So this convo's turning you on? Yeah. A little bit, yeah. Yeah, a bunch of sweaty guys talking about ancient India? Fuck yeah. Yeah, fuck yeah.

Yo, talk St. Inca's one more time. Inca's. Fuck, I'm going to explode. explode now you're 100 irish right i mean come on what kind of question is that western mud yeah you got a little german in there yeah yeah so like it's by the way you know um there's a lot of german in america but like after world war ii we were talking about yeah 70 and everyone was like yeah I'm Irish that's hilarious you know all of Cincinnati used to have like German street

names St. Louis too and then after World War II they're like we're going to change the names hi my name is O'Hanlon no more Heisenforschen yeah I watched that show on Amazon what's it called if the Germans would have.

Oh, yeah. Man, I watched Man in the High Castle. And they were saying, like, if the Germans would have won in the show, there were concentration camps in Cincinnati. And I was like, that's so random to pick that city. But then I Googled and they had the biggest German population. Right. Before the war, while the war was going on, even. Yeah.

It was just all the U.S. government was constantly watching Cincinnati to see if there's a fucking Nazi uprising. But you love that show. You want the Germans to have won. He's a German kid. No, I did a tweet about that. I love that show. I don't love what it says.

Chris is mostly German. Yeah. Yeah, he's a German. Yeah, German. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just German Ridgewood kids. Shout out Rudy's Bakery, Ridgewood Queens. Yeah.

Linzer Tarts. You got good Linzer Tarts. Yeah, when you said you were a midwestern mud i was going like yeah but there's no puerto rican in there it's german and irish it's all white press yeah it's all or english it's probably english you know what's weird is like america so english i mean we're speaking english now but like you never meet them you meet rarely someone who's like i'm english yeah right like there should be like at least half of them right right right well like even like the girl that i met last night like i'm fascinated by her british accent it's like why aren't there more of you here i'm like do you i'm like she's like she's like yeah

she's like we have like a little english community here we all know each other i'm like why is it little we used to all be here. It's weird. That's the Brexit thing, probably. And part of them, I think they still think they're kind of better than us. Yeah, they go there and they watch soccer and they think that that's some sort of elevated culture. And they say they call it football.

They wear those really collared shirts. And then they call us racist, but then they're throwing things at people. America's great. I'm a patriot. Yeah, me too. Build the wall. Well well bill burr has a great joke about how like i mean it's or it's just a comment how like london is the most sophisticated place and then you just go outside of london it's just it might as well be alabama oh dude yeah it's true i was in manchester i mean like they just want to fight you after a certain time. It's like three o'clock.

You're safe. But like, is it like 9 p.m.? Everyone's drinking and everyone's looking to fight you. Scotland Hill. It's so fascinating. It's so I did this. I did these. I did a show in London and then I went to Israel and it was so interesting to do London.

And, you know, you think, oh, and then you go to Israel. But like the most tribal place that I was of the two was in London because it was like it was almost like around 11 o'clock to your point where it was just like then people just run. Yeah. You know, like it was like everyone's very polite. And then at 11 o'clock, like a light switch goes on and people like all right back to being the savages we were they're like gremlins and i loved it yeah it was fascinating yeah how just

it's just i mean that's why i love international shows is you just the you know like the english around 11 o'clock they just turn into something else do you think the the amount you've traveled do you think people are more the same or they did like what have you learned what perspective have you gained from meeting all these different types of deep questions that's a great question right there besides the fact that whites are superior um i would say we'll edit that i think it's no we'll just give it away Wei Zhongxian there we go Wei Zhongxian we have this button

Wei Zhongxian was a famous eunuch in the actually ancient Chinese empire and anytime we say anything wild we just hit the Wei Zhongxian button it means we're joking

it means we're joking and it kind of just designates us to say whatever we want it just washes away what we said yeah oh there you go

yeah it's just no if there's something unifying I would say um i think that uh i think i'm probably more of a capitalist than than i thought it would be that's one thing i learned interesting um ted alexandro's not gonna like that no no well that's um but that's not occupied jim gaffigan That's not to say that I don't believe in socialist programs, but I think that you go to some countries and like, you know, I mean, even doing shows in countries where, you know, there's parts of Canada where I'm like, hey, you guys ever heard of like a convenience store? Like, it's just like, yeah, it's great people.

Great. But it's just like, you you know like if there was some financial and you know some of it's garbage but i like convenience yeah so but i go to some countries and i'm like you know we we should kind of like we could we could fix this up yeah right do you know what I mean? Right. But a unifying factor. I don't know. I think that. I don't know. I think that there's there's no unifying factor. I think it's all going to go into a toilet. But do you think but you think we're more of the same? Do you think culture is just kind of something that happens because of the environment, the area?

Some people manipulate people to believe certain shit. But underneath, we're all kids who just want to get our noodle wet and have a couple laughs. And I think it's that. I think, well, you know, going around and glancing at the history or having the context of history, it's amazing how impressionable humans are. And they're not aware of it. Interesting. So you go to Germany, you go to you go to Japan, you go to China, you go to, you know, all these places. And you're like, oh, we're we're we're dumb idiots.

Yeah. Like, you know, it's and that's and that's a universal thing. Like no one is beyond like, you know, it's like Handmaid's Tale. Like people like Handmaid's Tale could never happen. But you go around the world and you're like, yeah, I guess that could. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not not far we have an expression in the podcast he's basically saying people are fucking stupid people are franks and beans and fucking stupid

and it's true Jimmy thank you so much for coming through we really appreciate you for having me it really was an honor thank you so much you got a poster on social media to help us out yeah sure that's why you have people yeah you know it's funny about Jim like usually we'll be like, you got any dates coming up? It's like, yeah, people know where they can

see and it will be full. Yeah. We don't need, you don't need this podcast to help you move tickets. Yeah. No, you send the email. You know what? That really worked because this is what happened. That really worked. Can you post it one more time? Yeah. Fucking crushing it. All right. Thank you, Jimmy. Thank you. Thank you. ប្រូវាប់ប់ប្រូវាប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់