History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 91 - Bill Burr is WILD!

Episode Date: October 13, 2019

The Cuzzies welcome Bill Burr as he explains the New York vs Boston rivalry, wig based comedy, and more!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

ស្លាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប It's Hyena Cous. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. Both of us are here. The whole crew's here. And we got a very special guest all the way from Los Angeles via Baston. Give it up for one of the funniest guys to ever do stand-up comedy, Bill Burr, everybody.

Bill Burr, yeah. Boston. Boston. Yeah. And you said he was going to be on time. He was late. Yeah, he was late. I thought you were going to. Yeah.

So he's German punctuality. I was also saying historical hyenas. Oh, yeah. It's history. History. History hyenas. And we put an H in it. History hyenas. Yeah, but you yeah. It's history. History. History hyenas. And we put an H in it. History hyenas.

Yeah, but you know what? Sometimes we call it historical. This is... I thought you were doing like hysterical and historical. We're just a couple FFs. We're just FFs. Yeah. So...

Oh, God. Don't start talking shop. I don't... No. Fuck faces? Well... That's a good guess. Fuck faces.

Well, fuck faces, fat fucks for, you know, for... Yeah, that's good. But then we'll tell you what it really is off the air. Oh, all right. Wild. Yeah. Yeah. He's working quick up there.

He's got it. Yeah, no, Billy, you can't. No, you can't. Well, no, Bill. No, I suck at the Wheel of Fortune, so I have no idea what it is. No, because you know what I mean? Because the older guys, Robert Kellys and all that, they all call you Billy. Colin calls you Billy, but I fucking Bill.

You know what I mean? I'm just immediately noticing, I don't know about the chain, if it's thick enough to be that level of confidence. It's more of a necklace. When the chain's out. He has on a fat chick ankle bracelet around his fucking neck.

No, I say guy when the chain's out. Yeah, when the chain's out. But he does make a good point. It's not really a chain. It's more of an ankle bracelet on a big girl. Well, yeah, my kid's mom was like, why are you wearing women's jewelry? I was like, shut up. But here's the thing. His mom bought him for that for high school. And then he found it in his room

and he put it back on. I'm saying his face, it's too much guido when it comes out. No, you know what it is? You've aged past that chain where it becomes a necklace. If you're like 18, I get it. This is his first one. A relative bought it for him. Yeah.

I don't know why. Or it just looks like he hasn't made it in comedy and he's from Ridgewood and he's going to church. That's a church. He pulls it out to go to church. Is it alright to... Jesus, no, you care. He's from Ridgewood, Queens. None of that means anything

to me. I'm from Brooklyn. It's of that means anything to me. You guys, hey, I'm from fucking LeBron. I'm from Brooklyn. Hey, the Pete's over here. It's all fucking New York to me. You guys all look and sound the same to me. Yeah.

You do. Yeah. Meatheads. Just like the meatheads I grew up with, but you just have different accents. They're very similar, though. Boston, New York. As far as meatheads,

there's a through line of meatheads from here right down, from Boston all the way down to Philly. It's really the same person. It's the sports allegiance and the invisible state lines and boroughs that keep us separated, and that's what the man wants. That's what they want. They don't want us to get along.

Yeah, and it's good, and it's like I feel like, you know, guy from Boston, Boston sports fan. Suburbs. Suburbs. Suburbs. Cul-de-sacs. No South Boston, wasn't good at math, didn't steal cars. But still, like, does it? I had to get the Goodwill hunting out of the way.

Yeah. That was not me. Yeah. But it's good because, like, my father, right, old school New York guy. A little bit of a gambler. Yeah. Big gambler. Explains the size of the chain.

Yeah. It's just, yeah. Not enough left in the gambler. Yeah. Big gambler. Explains the size of the chain. Yeah. It's just, yeah. Not enough left in the cookie jar. Yeah, they have to fucking sell this puppy if he loses the spread on the Giants again this season. A little bit of missing money out of Chris's bank account as well. It's what it is. It's a long story. But, you know, yeah, dad, he's around now.

He's probably got a few days left, I bet. He's got state school money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So his whole theory is he doesn't trust you if you're from a town and you don't root for that town sports team he doesn't trust you even if you're from Boston and you're a Yankees fan he's like yeah I don't fucking care guy I don't want you around me because you're a

traitor get away from me you're gross so I feel like you have that vibe like you're just a Boston sports guy I grill people yeah who are like from Pittsburgh and they're Yankee fans. I know another guy who was from Florida and he was a Yankee fan. This is when the Yankees were on the Jeter, Pettit and all those guys. That great run in the late 90s, early 2000s. All of these. It's like, wait, so where were you? You grew up in Florida.

My uncle, when I was four and he watched, go fuck yourself. You're not. You're a Marlins. Yeah. Those are your team. Marlins are the Rays. It's like, well, you're born where you are. You're born the color and nationality.

You can't fucking change it, so shut up. Yeah. I agree. But they never- I'll put the chain in before I say something wild. They never trade up. And then, I'm sorry, they never trade down. They always go up. It's not like, hey, I'm from, they never trade down. They always go up.

It's not like, hey, I'm from New York, and I'm a Browns fan. Right. It's true. It never goes that way. But when it comes to the Tampa Bay and Miami, you're just going to have some New York fans there just because there's so many New Yorkers down there. Transplants.

And also, you've got Legends Field. Maybe that's what it is. I don't know. Yeah. I guess really. The spring training. I mean, to be honest with you, I don't know. The, the, yeah, I guess really spring training. I mean, to be honest with you,

I mean like what are the, what besides the Northeast? Like nobody cares. The rest of the country doesn't matter. What you mean New York? No, Boston too. Cause you need the rivalry.

Completely not true. But I'm just saying like, there's no, what's fun about, you know what I mean? Hey, I go somewhere and it's not New York. This place sucks. Yeah,

we are, we're, it's true. I go go there they don't have the exact food they got here this fucking place sucks but i'm saying like new yorkers are the worst traveled people ever yeah there's too many songs written about you there's too many people who come here and do amazing shit and you walk by it you somehow think that you're part of it. Listen. It's like that chick on TV. I'll just say this. Michael Jordan was born in Brooklyn. There you go.

Yeah. You don't need to move. I mean, he didn't grow up there, but I'll claim it. Yeah, but it's just because the thing, well, New York's a whole, it's like a whole, it's been romanticized so much. But it's not our fucking fault. It's the movies. Yeah, we claim you, too. The movies don't do anything.

You're not even Boston, like you said. You're born in the suburbs, but you're a New York comic. I'm not even Bridge and Tunnel. No. No. Who's getting who? Sinatra was. He couldn't sing.

He was from Jersey. He was from Hoboken. Yeah, no woman on this side of the fucking lake here would bang him. No doubt. You're right. He was Bridge and Tunnel, yeah. He was a handsome kid, though. Sang a couple of songs, and then that was it.

Then he was in then you claim him after every yankee game they play some guy from new jersey yeah that's a good point but you know because he rubbed your balls and you're all fucking it's right it is amazing but i mean frankie's new york yeah it's concrete something let's get a slice. It's so bad. Yeah, but. It's so bad. You don't like that song? It's horrific. I don't love My Wife.

Watching you with your chain out swaying to that and getting choked up. Yeah, I don't like that. I want to respect you. I really like you as a person. I don't want to see you when that song comes out. I'm telling you, man. It's one of those things where, you know, we find it out here on this podcast all the time.

Like, a lot of that stuff, the New York stuff, Frank Sinatra, and I don't know any of that shit. Like, my favorite singer is Whitney Houston. I remember old school Connie Francis. I'm a fucking gay guy. Connie Francis is great. Yeah, lipstick on my collar. What was her other one?

Who's Sorry Now? Who's sorry now? I know that song. You still listen to it with my grandpa. Who's sorry now? She went out and banged saw it with my grandpa. Who's sorry now? She went out and banged his friend. Yeah. Got him back.

Yep. I don't even know who that is. Lipstick on my collar. Told a tale on you. Yeah. You don't know Connie Francis? Next thing you know, he's going to say he doesn't know who Freddy Fender is. And I'm walking out.

I know who he is. I actually don't know who he is. Freddy's in Wasted Nights. You got to see this guy. He looked like Gabe Kaplan if he was Puerto Rican. Yeah. Oh, Mexican, I would say. Yeah, no, I see.

I don't even know. Who's Freddy Fender? Is he related? Freddy Fender. Come on, first of all. I'm an asshole. There he is right there. It looks like Mr. Panos.

One of the Texas Tornadoes. Yeah. Is he dead? Yeah. I mean, it happens. It happens. Is he Mexican? Yep.

Looks like Mike's dad a little bit. That could be a young pic of your dad. This could be an old pic of me. Yeah. Or you, it happens. It happens. Is he Mexican? Yep. Looks like Mike's dad a little bit. That could be a young pic of your dad. That could be an old pic of me. Yeah. Or you. Freddy Fender. All those guys, they would have, you never heard of them when I was a kid, and all of a sudden, they'd be like, Sessions presents Freddy Fender's greatest hits.

You're like, who is this guy? Right. Him, Slim Whitman, Connie Francis, all of them. They would just go right through, and then you just knew their shit. And then years later, you work at a casino, and they're right across the street, and you go see them. You have a great time. Yeah.

I saw Tony Orlando open for Don Rickles. Fucking crushed it. Music? Tony Orlando? Yeah. I don't even... Tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree. Oh, yeah, I know that.

Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me. Kind of looks like Freddy Fender, actually. I don't know any of this. He was a good-looking Freddy Fender. Yeah, it was like pop music from, I don't know, the 60s and 70s. Yeah, so I'm saying it's generational. This guy looks like Geraldo Rivera. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, he crushed it, and he did like a

percussion solo with his drummer. It was insane. Mustaches were big in the 70s. Yeah, and you know why they were great and they worked? Because people weren't trying on a personality. That's really who he was. As opposed to now, if somebody has one, it's like a fucking, I don't know, ironic. It's like an ironic thing. They're going to say artisanal at some point.

That's what we have. We have that more in New York than Boston, right? The more people. Like those hipsters, people that just move. I left Boston in 95. I have no idea what's going on there. He's a New York comic. I go back and I don't know where shit is.

I'm a Boston and New York comic. Boston, I learned how to work big places with a bunch of drunks. And here, I learned to work little places with very few people in them because it was a low right so i had to take all this like going on after kevin knox or he was hosting the show i should say not going on after him rest his soul and like try to ride the wave that he created with these fucking drunks and then coming down here and watching like david tell it you know fucking one in the morning go up in front of eight people and just wake them up after they've just sat through 20 comics. So it's both.

You know, the first time I saw you was at Pokeknockers. You remember Pokeknockers, Don L. Rowling's room? Yep, and then somebody would film you and not tell you, and then you'd be on the subway fucking platform, and someone would have a bootleg, bootleg comedy, bootleg comedy, and you'd be like, oh, I got to see who's on this thing, and then you'd see a picture of you like, hey, that's me. Hey, fucking wear that shirt two days.

Yeah. Yeah, Dono would sell your sets. He would tape it and then just make money off it. He was a hustler. But I remember the first thing you said when you went up, like I had just started, and then I quit for a while, but I remember you got up and you go, ah, it's good to be back in the old neighborhood.

Huge laugh because it's like it was in the middle of four. It was like, you go, it's good to be back in the old neighborhood. Huge laugh. Because it's like it was in the middle of, it was like you know, it's in Bed-Stuy. Sure. It's, Polknox is down Atlantic. I mean, if you were white, you're either a comedian there, a cop, or like a Jehovah's Witness. Jehovah's Witness or Mormon missionary. If you see a white guy there,

it's like he's going to have a tag on his thing playing handball being like, have you heard about American Jesus? You know, Joe Smith? So Bill went up first and he says, good to be back in on his thing playing handball. Have you heard about American Jesus? You know, Joe Smith? So Bill went up first. He says, good to be back in the old neighborhood. Crush. That room, I did one of my first sets in that room. I bombed so bad.

That was a tough room. That I was scared to leave. I felt like a lot of times they were waiting for the music that was coming on after. It was a lot of people. I don't know. I was just so white when I would go up in those rooms a lot of times. So you kind of had to address it. You know, you gave them what they wanted.

Oh, gee, I'm scared to be here. And then here's my act. So you just had to establish you were funny real quick and then go into your act. And if you bombed, Donnell would ruin you when he got back up. All he did was talk about the set. I remember one guy. It wasn't personal because he was there every week.

No, he was making it fun. It would be hilarious for everybody else, but I imagine it would be mortifying for whoever bombed. Do you remember Talents' outro when you fucking bombed? No. He'd be like, come on, y'all. Comedy ain't for everybody. He'd just be like, oh, man, I got the Comedy ain't for everybody Outro

I remember I bombed so bad On Rob Stapleton And Will Silvestre's show That At one point They got back up And they tried to be cool about it

And then A joke didn't work That one of them told And they're like Hey y'all better be cool We'll bring Janos back up here Janos They just mispronounced my name

We'll bring Yoni up here Yeah That you can't get They'll never get your name right at a black show. I've been Yoni, Yompis, Yonapis, Uranus. The worst I bombed ever, Angel Salazar. Remember Angel Salazar? Yeah.

Beast. So he's got a big Scarface following because he was in that movie. Carlito's Way, too. Carlito's Way is what Carlito was. Yeah. So anyway, it's all mafia guys or wannabe mafia guys. And I was in that movie. Carlito's Way too. Carlito's Way is what it probably was. So anyway, it's all mafia guys or wannabe mafia guys and I was at this place it was called like Schoonjeele's or something like that.

Oh, that's a good story. Yeah, and it's and I was opening for him and fucking eating it and said something to some guy's wife accidentally I guess and the guy grabbed me after the show and put a knife to my throat. And he was like, how about I cut you fucking Adam's apple out

and feed it to your mother? And I was like, holy, you know, I didn't know what to do. And then the owner of the place, who was another mob guy, grabbed him and was like, get the fuck out of here. What are you doing? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he was like, that guy's a fucking wannabe. I apologize. And then he took me like out some back door. And I was supposed to make like, whatever, 50 bucks.

He gave me like $500 in cash. He was like, just don't tell anybody what happened. Get out of here. He just gave me 500 in cash. If anybody asks, you had a good time tonight. Yeah, he had a great time tonight. If anybody asks, the spaghetti was good. You had clams.

Did your dad pull up driving the fucking city bus? Chris, get on. I don't want to go on. Yeah. Yeah, no. He's the goodwill Hunting of Ridgewood Queens. Yeah. He made it out.

Yeah, Ridgewood Queens is one of those neighborhoods where it's all cops, firefighters, and then he does skits. I do my skits. He does skits. Okay. And I went to school and played ball and all that stuff.

Yeah. Division III Hall of Fame. Cares. Of his school. No, it's amazing. It's an amazing feat. Division III Hall of Fame white guy is Division II Hall of Fame. Cares. Of his school. That's amazing. It's an amazing feat. Division III Hall of Fame white guy is Division II Hall of Fame black guy, I would say.

Yeah. Yeah. I could just shoot. I could shoot like white guys, but I could really just shoot threes. And I had a coach at the time who had a drinking problem who didn't, who kind of would just be hung over. It actually worked out great for me. He was hung over coaching all the games, and he didn't care.

There was no offense. It was just like, listen, just whatever Chris wants to do, just be hung over. It actually worked out great for me. He was hung over coaching all the games, and he didn't care. There was no offense. It was just like, listen, just whatever Chris wants to do, just let him do. Where it's like, so I could, you know, I was 19. I was a freshman, sophomore, so I was acting like an idiot.

Also doing a couple cycles of Winstrel. Yeah, I was on Winstrel at the time. Yeah, you did a couple cycles. What are you going to do? Yeah, a little steroids. Thank you. I didn't know what that was. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Steroids for basketball? Yeah. Well, you could move. I mean, I could just, you know, I could like tomahawk dunk. Being an athlete, basketball was such a huge part of my life that my friends, when I do comedy, if they do something with comedy, my friends from home, Wait, you couldn't dunk and then you took roids and then you could? No, I always could.

I always could. Well, I started being able to dunk when I was like 16. I did Winstrel once for like six weeks. So it was a small part of it. You did a cycle. I did a cycle. Just one cycle. Happens.

And to be honest with you, when I did that cycle, it was my junior year in college. It was my worst year because I was dealing with a lot of anxiety and all bullshit from side effects. Your balls shriveling up? Yeah, all that. You could go between the legs a little easier that year. Yeah, my balls were shriveling up? Yeah, all that. You could go between the legs a little easier that year. Yeah, my balls were shriveling.

With the anxiety. But I, it was just the way to communicate. I love that you felt that Division III, I got to get on Roids. I need a competitive edge here. Yeah. We got to beat LaSalle Academy next week. Yeah. We got Catholic coming in.

Well, no, what happened was, the reason why I took them, actually, is because in the summer of my sophomore year going into my junior year I would got went played ball in some men's leagues in the city and is that what they call gay clubs nowadays yes yeah yeah I got in the men's league in Chelsea and I um and I just did well in one of them and I was getting recruited by like Stony Brook um like Fairley Dickinson low d1 but it was still enough where it was like, oh, maybe I, so I, you know. Fairleigh Dickinson?

Yeah, it was like low D1. Sounds like a fucking writer. Yeah. Yeah, it's a school in Jersey. It is, I think it was a writer. Probably. Oh, it was, oh, sorry. Yeah, it's in Jersey, right?

It's in Jersey, but I wound up not getting it. Actually, if Wharton wanted big, high interest. Actually, you did Fairleigh Dickinson with Donnell on the Chappelle Show tour. I came with Donnell, and it was when Mitch Hedberg died. And it was one of your last. He died in Jersey, too, right? Hotel in Jersey?

No, it was Geraldo. That was Geraldo. Died by Stress Factory. Maybe Mitch Hedberg did, too, but I know Geraldo did. Yeah, I came in agreement with Donnell. So many guys died, Jeff. I know. Yeah.

We were talking about that before. You don't want to do stand-up in Jersey, kids. Stay out of Jersey. Your demons catch up to you. Yeah, We were talking about that before. You don't want to do stand-up in Jersey, kids. Stay out of Jersey. Your demons catch up to you. Yeah, Jersey's a specific thing. Yeah, nothing... Yeah. But, you know, I'm about one year away from just trying to go to Jersey and become a king of Jersey.

Yo, guy, Jersey used to be the state in the fucking... The Garden State. They called it the Garden State because it was like... It's beautiful. Well, that, but it was also in colonial times, the American and the British would fight for Jersey. That's what the war was. Whoever wins Jersey can feed the troops because that's where all the gardens were. They were fighting for one day for Rich Voss to be able to do comedy.

That's what it is. That's what it is. Yeah, for a townhouse. But the Garden State guy. I'm about a couple thousand views away. If I don't get on my special, I'm putting that wig back on. I'm going to Long Island, and I'm just going to do Das Sitz. I don't know why you ever quit that.

I don't know why you did either. That was a great character. I'm going to get half my money up front, just go in and be like, hey, I'll be smoking cigarettes. I'll be like, look, I'll give you five Das Sitz, but I want half my money up front, and then I'm doing 14 minutes, and that's what the contract said. Yeah.

And that's it. And then I go, Das Sitz, holy shit, Das Sitz, Das Sitz. Give them what they want, and then I'm out the back Yeah. And that's it. And then I go, that's it, holy shit, that's it, that's it. Give them what they want and then I'm out the back door. That's my career. I don't know why you wouldn't and just buy a big ass fucking house in New Jersey.

That's what I'm going to do. Hang out by the pool. Yeah. Yeah. Or even have them on this podcast. Why are you making an already difficult business

more difficult? Because it was so specific to New York and Miami. It's the only place I could sell tickets. And you know. Oh, is that right? Is that right? That's it. It's the only place I could sell tickets. And, you know. Oh, is that right? Is that right?

It's Cubans and Puerto Ricans for the most part. And gay people love it. But even that, being able to sell in those cities, it's millions of people. I did it. Well, I had a TV show in Miami for a year on Fusion. And, yeah, it was nothing TV show, nothing network. But I was a big fish in a small pond for about six months. Yeah, but Miami and New York are big.

They were pretty big. It's huge. And Boston, you could sell them. There's so many Puerto Ricans in Boston. But it's like Christopher Reeves. Nobody recognized me without the wig. So I could walk around. That's great.

Except one time, one thug was like, this was early on. I was sitting having lunch, and some dude with teardrop tattoos, he was staring at me, and I was like, oh, crap. I was nervous. I was like, he was like, yo. He's like, yo, man. dude with like teardrop tattoos he was staring at me and i was like oh crap like you know i was nervous i was like he was like yo he's like yo man he was like ass pussy and i was like yeah as the waitress was coming over she just saw some big jail looking dude calling me ass pussy probably like i fucked this guy in jail dude remember my kids my kids uh my kids uh grandmother yeah was like oh my god you know Giannis, could you sign my ashtray? Yeah, his baby's mom

was Puerto Rican and her mom was like, oh my God, you're friends with Marisa? Can you sign this ashtray for me? To sign his ashtray. Yeah, she wanted me to sign the ashtray.

It moved people like nothing else. Well, you're going to bring it back. Yeah, I'm going to go full time become her. You got to wait long. Look at Hootie and the Blowfish. Whoever knew if they got back together

they'd sell out Madison Square Garden, which they did. One of my favorite bands. You got to wait long. Look at Hootie and the Blowfish. Whoever knew if they got back together, they'd sell out Madison Square Garden, which they did. One of my favorite bands. You got to wait. Yeah. And you got to wait to the peak. We want it back. We want it back.

And then you go out there. I don't think anyone's clamoring for it. They might. And you do governors. Yeah. You fucking. Yeah. Yeah.

Rip them. Yeah. What's up, everybody? I'm back. You should have them come out for our show. Yeah. Oh, which, by the way, November 8th, the stand, Live History, Hyena, sold out. We just added November 9th, the Gramercy Theater, midnight.

Tickets are on sale right now. Go to our website. The link's on Patreon. You got to bottom out first to the point. I'm close, Bill. Some sort of addiction that when you come back to do the character again, you don't really quite look like you anymore, and you're older. You've got to add that sad element to it.

Yeah. Well, it's kind of like that now, because towards the end, he wouldn't shave anymore. He would just kind of half-ass it with the wig on, and he would mention how funny it looked. Yeah. Because he used to get waxed. I used to take it real seriously. I used to be, you know, he'd get waxed. I used to take it real seriously.

I used to shave down. When you do a character, is it like a guy with a puppet where you start fucking hating the puppet? Do you start hating the wig after a while? You know, I live in some twilight zone and the fucking wig starts talking to you. Yeah, you just see me in that movie scene. You know you're nothing without me. Nobody buys it. Fuck you. I fight everything.

I'm Giannis Pappas. Let me be Giannis. They didn't want you. Yeah, they wanted me. Nobody buys it. Fuck you. I buy everything. I'm Giannis Pappas. Let me be Giannis. They didn't want you. You were nothing without me. Yeah. It's kind of a little... I never got that. I know comics would always ask me and they'd say, hey, are you sick of doing it? I was like, no, it's so fun. I think if it...

What an asshole question. Are you sick of what? Selling tickets? Oh, well, people fucking do that all the time. The hate I got for that. People do that to me as a Patriots fan. You got to be sick of all these Super Bowls. No. Yeah, no, they're great. No.

It's going to end one day. I want to enjoy all of them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, I didn't resent it or hate it for a while. It was so much fun. It was such a fun show doing it live because women would go crazy. They would go.

And it's fun to be in that character and just say wild shit. I would say the funnest thing was like making straight guys uncomfortable in the audience i mean i would suck that look at him holy shit are you a cop or firefighter i didn't know a hero was and then just watching them kind of squirm yeah you're stupid man you know just kind of trying to get away yo man wild boy with their girls and their girls were loving it and i so it's just fun to fuck with people like that the best the best the best is the guy why would you give up that level of fun there's nothing worse than fucking there's nothing better i'm sorry they're making somebody feel like the tickets were never dying down no they started dying even in new york they started dying well okay because you did so many shows kind of publicity you don't need that's right and it was

still don't going good this guy no instinct yeah This thing that's working, I'm not doing it anymore. And then you're going, I heard the tickets were fucking made. No, no, terrible. Gloom and doom. Yeah. People didn't like it. Everyone was offended. Yeah.

I beat a woman with the wig. It's not coming back. The wig took over who I was. Yeah. It was. All right. Well, we're not going to talk you back into your golden fucking pony here. No. Yeah. It's like, I think, you know, well, just put it into the hyenas then. Yeah It was Alright Well we're not gonna talk you back Into your golden fucking No Pony here No

Yeah it's like I think you know Well just put it into the hyenas then Yeah I got a movie idea Yeah Let's do it You get sick of fucking

Trying to talk him back into the dream Okay And some chick breaks up with you Something happens to you You come home and you're mad And for whatever fucking reason You see the wig And then you start doing it

And then you start making all the fucking money. And then one day he runs into you like, Chris, what the fuck? It's great. Yeah, and then I don't, I can never get a movie past the fucking mid-second act. I was at the first 10 pages. I don't know what it is.

Could you be like in it? And you're like the, like the Mick, the manager who's telling him, take the wig. You do it. Like if he's not going to do it. And I have this deep, dark secret and you never know what what it is and you find out later that i used to the same thing happened to me yeah and i started wearing a wig because i lost my hair and then you're just like you got one more in you and i say yeah and then we go we fucking take him down yeah and in the end

i open for you with my wig and then oh i love it. Oh, I love it. Yeah. We'll call it wigs. And he's in comedy jails. He's in comedy jails. I don't know. The third act is the hardest to land. One dream, two wigs? What do we call it? One dream, two wigs. First wigs?

First wigs. So then you set it up for the trilogy? Yeah, first wigs. Yeah. It's almost like The Hustler. It's like The Hustler, and then what was the follow-up movie? Color of Money. Color of Money.

It's almost like Color of Money. Yeah. A little bit. Color of Money. It's a good name. Color of Money is one of the most underrated Scorsese movies of all time. I love Color of Money. I didn't even know he did that one.

Yeah, a lot of people don't. Wow. I love that. Yeah. Rack him up for Mr. Fast Eddie. That's what it is. Now, Bill's got a special out right now on Netflix. It's called Fast Billy.

It's called Fast Billy. It's called Billy Boston. He's a New York comic. No, it's called Paper Tiger. I watched it. It's another banger. It's always a 10. Yeah.

I pay you guys well. You did, yeah. It doesn't take much. The wig's not working for me. Always a 10. Yeah. So a lot of you- I pay you guys well. You did, yeah. It doesn't take much. The wig's not working for me. Always a 10. Unbelievable. Inspiring. Inspiring.

Wigless. Wigless. Wigless. Oh, I got the name for the movie, but I probably can't say it. What? For the wig movie. Say it. I got the name for it.

Do it. Can I just say it? Do it. Take your chain out and say it. Say it. There you go. Wigger. Give me a wig. Yeah, it's just a character piece.

It's just a character piece. Yeah, that's my friend. It's my friend, Paddy Mulrooney. He hasn't been to the city. He's got it. I apologize. I just said it. It's my head.

A couple firefighters. Yeah, it doesn't mean it's a character piece. The chain was out. Now it's back in. I apologize. I love Paper Tiger. He's from Ridgewood Quakes. You should have said Paper Tiger. He's a guy. He's from Ridgewood Quakes. You should have said

Paper Tiger without the R. Well, no. I said Paper Tiger because the chain's back in. Yeah. So now, right here it's Paper Tiger. But here it's Paper Tiger. Yeah. Great skit. Yeah. It's a good skit. Go watch Bill's skit on Netflix. Bill's one of the best. Well, no. He's probably... I know you

get it a thousand times and you're probably... He's not going to react well to it, because he's a Boston kid. No, but it's all honest. Like, I remember watching his HBO half hour, and I saw it must have been 2008, 2009, whenever it came out, or maybe I'd watched it. Five. So I watched it later then. It was like...

I was like, oh my God. Kid had a lot of hair then. I mean, it was just fucking hilarious. It was like, I want to... 84 now. I want to do what this guy does. I want to try this. And then I didn't get the balls to do it, but you're almost all the guys my inspiration.

Yeah, you were like, I could do that. No, it wasn't that. No, it wasn't that. I'm going to put this fucking Ronald McDonald-looking jerk off on TV and go up there with my chain out, right? Yeah. How funny was I in that White Castle? I could fucking do this.

I was actually sitting in Staten Island. So it was like the place of people that talk like that. This guy's good. This guy's good. That's what stand-up is. Everyone thinks that, I think, when they watch.

When someone's that good at comedy, they make it look like a guy sitting there going like, yo, I can fucking do skits. There's a lot of people who could, but you have to figure out how to get across.

From whatever you're doing with your friends, you got to figure out how to, there's like this. You just think it's like, Oh, I'll just fucking do what I did in the,

in making my friends laugh at that at the cafeteria. But then you go up there and it's just everybody. Okay. Now. Yeah. So that's just the, once you get past that, then you can't. Yeah.

I'm trying to encourage more people. I want more standup specials. That's who we need more specials at this point. Yes. Everyone's a comedian at this point. But you know what? There's like, I was always a funny kid.

Like, I was always like class clown and stuff like that. But then I was really like shy at the stage. Like, you know, like I had stage fright.

What did you do to bring out that clown? I started seeing a therapist. Or a wig. No, you started putting on a wig. I hid behind characters. And you put on your,

you put on your mother's stockings and jerked off. I did put on my mother's put on your mother's stockings and jerked off. I did put on my mother's stockings when I was a kid and jerked off. That's something that just happened. Please tell me that now you think that you're enough. I'm enough now. You don't need the wig. Sometimes.

Sometimes. People always wanted to see Giannis, but you wouldn't show her to us. But you know what? Chris was funny like a couple of years in he was killing it and it was because he was truly funny. So I think some people are just like born for this

shit. No, some people are naturals and other people you see them working. You know? Yeah, it's true. I gotta put on a fucking wig. I gotta put a dress on. And I gotta really punch the bag. Get in the gym. You got to watch with Giannis because Giannis will take this home.

Oh, well. I will take that. What did he say? Did he say that I was fucking working? Oh, yeah. No. I'll put a gun in my mouth and end it. No matter what.

And I'll write a letter saying, Bill Burke. I don't need that pressure. Yeah. I'm going to put it on you. We can have a great day today. We'll do a hangout all day. This one second of the day. He's going to text me about this tomorrow night.

That would be the funniest shit ever to say when you're disagreeing with your wife. Just to fucking try to get your hand on top of the bat. I will put a gun in my mouth. This doesn't go the way I want to. I will kill myself and write a note saying my wife just didn't do it. And I will pull the trigger in your favorite room. I will do it.

Your favorite room. I will splatter my brains all over. All over your favorite candle. Whatever your favorite memorabilia is. I will do it. In your favorite room. I will splatter my brains all over. All over your favorite candle. Whatever your favorite memorabilia is. Yeah. I'll do it over your food scale. Yeah. Now I'm going to get in trouble.

Yeah, you're going to get in trouble. If you're not specific to Mrs. Poppison, you're an idiot. Now I'm in trouble. Yeah. She's not going to care who the guest is. She's going to be like,

what the fuck did you make a joke about? Yeah, she's going to start yelling at you. My girl, she's half Spartan, half Sicilian. She seems calm and mellow until you do something wrong. Yeah. And then it's just.

But it is. Edit that out. We got to edit that out. Make a note. Make a note. Edit that out. That's one of the first times you have to edit out something Giannis said and not me. Edit that out again as well.

Okay, sorry. Or cackle it. If you blew your brains out in your wife's fucking walk-in closet all over. Close. At the wake. At the wake. At the wake. It wasn't your fault. She's just going to be all like, it was spiteful. It was

angry. That's how angry he was. That would be the funniest shit ever. It would be. That would be a way to win an argument. Yeah. You guys ever see that movie, what's it called? The Nice Guys? No. Mike's seen it. I fucking love that movie it what's it called The Nice Guys no nobody's seen this movie Mike's seen it

ah fucking love that movie Russell Crowe Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling Ryan Gosling what's it about

cute kid Ryan Gosling's a cute fucking kid I don't know I don't know how to it's about two private investigators searching

some fucking stuff dude they are so fucking funny there's a great line in that movie I think it's Ryan Gosling where he goes Private investigators searching some fucking stuff. Dude, they are so fucking funny. There's a great line in that movie. I think it's Ryan Gosling where he goes, what does he say? He said, marriage is buying a house for someone you hate. Don't ever forget that.

Yeah. That's funny. As I said that, I was like, wait, did they steal that from somebody? They didn't. That was from that movie. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. I just made all you listeners not want to see that fucking movie because of my horrible delivery of that.

I'm telling you, those two guys are fucking, it's a clinic. You seen it? It is a clinic on comedy, how funny those two fucking guys are. Third act gets a little wobbly, but so did Stripes. All of a sudden, they're in the RV, and they're shooting machine guns. Like, what the fuck am I watching now? But that's such a great

comedy movie. Yeah, that's an underrated one. There's a lot of underrated comedies. You know which one? You know what I think is one of the most underrated comedies?

Life, with Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence. You ever see that? Oh, dude, the premise of that, too, was so fucking great. I just wish that they went

a little more dramatic, where it was just like these two guys that were spending their life in jail, their friendship. I just wish that they went a little more dramatic, where it was just like these two guys that were spending their life in jail, their friendship. I mean, that thing, however you did, because it was a hilarious movie, but if they wanted to, with those two guys in it, you could have got an Oscar out of that movie. Yeah, they never give up.

But could have they before woke culture? I don't think so. Woke culture. Yeah, woke. You know what's a great movie? Shrek. You ever seen Shrek? Yeah. That movie's fucking hilarious, too. Sh. Yeah, woke. You know what's a great movie? Shrek. You ever seen Shrek? Yeah.

That movie's fucking hilarious, too. Shrek was a good movie, but Life's Underrated. Boomerang's also another underrated movie. One of my favorite of all time. Midnight Run. Thank you. Midnight Run, but that's not underrated. No one brings that up.

People love that movie. Pope of Greenwich Village. All the fucking mob movies, Italian movies that came out. That one, people miss out. A couple of Mickey Rourke ones. Was it Angel Heart? Another underrated one. I don't,

I only remember, I remember Mickey Rourke only from that one with Kate Basinger where you can see your titties a little bit. Remember that one, that steamy one?

Oh, that was Nine and a Half Weeks. Nine and a Half Weeks. No, that was like, that was like soft core porn. You want to watch, not saying it wasn't great, I'm telling you,

Pulp of Greenwich Village, Angel Heart, Barfly. Pulp of Greenwich Village, Angel Heart, Barfly. Pulp of Greenwich Village is popular, though. The wrestler. The wrestler. The wrestler I saw. It's a good one. I never saw Pulp of Greenwich Village.

How much charisma does he have when he's behind the fucking deli thing? Unbelievable. That movie, he was so perfectly cast for that. What do you say there, Spring Chicken? Yeah. He talks to the old lady? Yeah. Here we go, coming up top.

Yeah. Unbelievable. Perfect movie. Still working a crowd as a wrestler you know but today before i i went out to do all this be fucking media boy here i watched uh i watched that fucking cage match between the undertaker and mankind oh you guys oh yeah yeah yeah yeah dude that when Mankind is on the fucking stretcher and they're taking him out and you think it's the end of the match, when he fucking slowly gets back up. He gets me every time.

I always forget that that's where he gets. When he gets the fuck back up and slowly goes from a walk to a run and has that maniacal smile, it's some of the greatest performing of all fucking time, I think, anyways. Is that when he jumped off the top of the cage? He threw him off the top. It was like 16 feet up, and he just landed on this fucking table.

And then when he, I don't know, he chokeslammed him on top, and when he, I mean. He wasn't meant to go through, but he went through. We know, Mikey knows about it. Mike's a big wrestling guy. Yeah, they didn't think,

but when they were walking on it at first, one of their legs just went through. Yeah. Like the two of them were easily 600 pounds on this cage. Oh, my God. Hell in a cell. Wrestlers, they combine comedy, acting, athleticism. And it gets a bad rap.

I'll tell you, I know it's a bad rap. Halfway through it, they cut out and they show me a Trump commercial. It's just like, I didn't vote for this fucking guy. I can still appreciate this shit. Yeah. Yeah. These guys are like... I think Ric Flair, probably one of the greatest American entertainers of all time.

One of the greatest comedians of all time. He's so good. Yeah. Woo! Yeah, you said he's like... Trump is like Ric Flair. Trump's like if Ric Flair was president. My favorite thing...

Woo! After everything. When he ever talked about doing his interviews, they said... Somebody asked him, like, do you have writers? Do you about doing his interviews, is they said, somebody asked him like, do you have writers? Do you blah, blah, blah? He goes, writers. He goes,

I used to make up half that shit on the car ride over from the airport. And he was just fucking crushing beers. Natural. Well, they asked him, the doctor, he went to the doctor, was just like,

how many drinks do you have a week? He goes, how many drinks do you have a week? He goes, I drink a case of beer every day. Holy shit. These guys would just fucking pound. They're unbelievable. Yeah, he drink a case of beer every day. Holy shit. These guys would just fucking pound. They're unbelievable. Yeah, he's a natural. He would make it.

Watching him perform is like slapstick a little bit. Remember when he'd get hit and he would overdo it? But it was so funny. The flare strut, the flare flop, the flare chop. Yeah. Oh, my God. Some guys are natural, man. Like Jackie Gleason, they say he used to drink three bottles of scotch before he went on stage.

And then like 20 steaks. He didn't care. Right there. There we go. Dumped him off the table. I wonder if he said throw me. I think he did. He had to have.

I mean, you can't just throw a guy off like that. Yeah, that's like attempted murder. Yeah. And what's great is he lands on a table and he's dressed like he's in an office. So the whole thing just fucking works. Does Undertaker jump off then eventually? No, he ends up climbing back up. He goes on this.

I don't want to ruin it. He fucking choke slams him on the top of it and like threw him down like he wasn't going to go through the top of it. And he did. So he already had the velocity of that. Oh, no, dude. When he lands, it's just like some internal organ just exploded. Now, Mike, when they do this, they have an outline, and then they just improv it a little bit? It depends on the wrestler.

Usually the veteran wrestler calls the spots, and they'll say, but that one was like, he's a throw me or something like that. And he had a bag full of tacks. He had gone through all of them. He had a bag full of fucking tacks throws it down on the ground and he got back slammed into it and then choke slam and he gets up and you see them sticking out of his that i remember it's like somebody took a shotgun of tacks and shot him in the back his i don't know it's incredible his talent was being able to take a beating he took a beating like a drunk Irish kid

You know what I opened for him once At Caroline Those kids never go down And you know what He says hello He stopped His meet and greet

Was like another Two and a half hours Like he talked to Every single person Gave every single person Like five minutes Of his time At Caroline

Now he does stand up Which is hilarious That's why I opened for him At Caroline A few years ago. Yeah. Look at this. With the neck brace.

I mean, it's just without even the sound, it's fucking hilarious. Yeah, you're right. See, that's a chain. That's a chain, yeah. I mean, he's the best. Number one. I'm telling the world that Ric Flair has done YMI. Nothing matters to me. You can't get it off.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! That fucking yell in his face. It's the best. So committed. Like Phil Hartman of wrestling. The bats have skull. This is the greatest thing about the internet,

because I missed this guy when he came up. He wrestled down south. Try to take the greatest sport in the world from me. It's mine! And, Race, I promise you, Race, for paying those guys $25,000. He's out of breath from yelling. Yeah.

I'll have a piece of you. He's so locked on the camera. These are the real ones. Yeah. We're going to go down a rabbit hole here. Yeah. This is going to make down a rabbit hole here. Yeah. This is going to make me feel like... And then people are like, hey, watch Paper Tiger. It's not half as funny as

Ric Flair. Yeah. Promos. Ric Flair is... He's the goat. I would say he's the undisputable goat. Like, not the best wrestler. You got to go Shawn Michaels for best wrestler, no? Yeah. I think Shawn Michaels. A lot of people think Shawn Michaels. I would say just as far as funniest promos ever,

I would say Ric Flair for the old school and then new school was The Rock. The Rock was just like, he was unbelievable. How about Roddy Piper, though? He's up there. Yeah, I mean, all of those guys. Mr. Wonderful, I liked all of those guys back then. Dusty Rhodes had some good ones.

Dusty Rhodes was good, yeah. Yep. The Iron Sheik was hilarious just because we were at war with, or going to be at war with Iran or whatever, and he just would come out there with the fucking Iranian flag, just making those rednecks lose their fucking minds. Yeah. I just loved, I don't know, all the heels just going out there

and just pissing everybody off. Like, as a comedian, you can learn so much watching those guys. It's true. How come they never did like a... They should have done like a Boston-New York tag team rivalry. That would have been nice. Like, yeah, guys come out with Boston fucking hats, and then the other guys come out with Yankees,

and they're all four meatheads, and they're fucking rivals. Yeah, they would do a bunch of stuff. I don't know. You got to keep those worlds separate. Then it would... I don't know. It would just become... I don't know.

It feels like the Boston-New York rivalry is just not as it was when we were kids anymore, though. Do you feel like it's changed? It's completely over, right? I'm actually like rooting for the Yankees to win this round because I want to see them go off,

go against the Astros because I want to see great baseball. Hell yeah. And also the thing is like, if you're still walking around as a Red Sox fan hating the Yankees or paying attention to them, that makes Yankee fans. If your rival knows you're mad at their success,

then they're winning. So it's like, you know, we kind of got it all at once. And it's just like, so I'm kind of happy. So I just want to see extra innings. Yeah. Yankees,Astros. I'll admit, I was rooting for the Patriots for time to get another one, which felt weird for me.

I have no problem with the Patriots because they're such a winning team and I'm a Giants fan. I hate the Cowboys more than I hate the Patriots. The Red Sox are the ones that are like, it's hard to root for them. But even now, I'm like, I agree. I'm like, I just don't care anymore. I just want to watch a good game. No, it was like, I agree. I'm like, I just don't care anymore. I just want to watch a good game. No, it was like, you know, it was like a Hollywood ending.

These guys are just bullying you, shoving your face in the shit. They go down 0-3, and then like the wrestler, they drop the hand the last time, and he fucking comes up and wins the thing. I mean, that's what people, we don't remember that we beat the Cardinals. Yeah. I think it was Keith Folk flipped it to, what's his face there minkovich i think that's what it was but i mean but i vividly remember that whole fucking series and johnny damon on the

ground the grounder going damon hitting the i remember where i was i was in the car i was pitching some fucking show that never went and i was driving up universal because that was the closest bar i could get to because i pitched right there yeah i was like a theme park and i was driving up screaming yeah because it was so it was so fucked because it was a grand slam and it was totally quiet because it was in yankee stadium the guys there's a high fly ball way back and that's a home run or something like that and then the crowd was dead quiet and i was just like ah just losing it yeah my mind and when they brought pedro in in that game in game seven when he came in for a minute you guys started hitting i had to walk out of the bar i mean it was fucking bananas and then i just look at last year when we played you

guys i wasn't like you know i believed we were gonna win it's the whole thing just changed the whole thing changed and i'm happy that it changed because I don't, you know, the climax. My father's 75 years old, diehard New York Yankees fan, like born and raised in the Bronx. I was just with him this weekend, and I was like, oh, you know, you're watching Yankees Twins. He goes, oh, I forgot that was on tonight. I'm like, what?

What do you mean you forgot it's a playoff game? He was like, I've just, honestly, Chris, he's like, baseball's gotten to a point now where it doesn't do anything for me anymore. I was like, you're my dad. He's like, I just don't like the game. I think it's way too slow for me. They got to change rules. You're 75 years old.

What do you mean it's too slow for you? Every sport has... He was like, yeah. I swear to God. My father was like, I'm on the phone. He's like, these guys come in. They take their time warming up. father was like, you know, I'm on the phone. He's like, you know, these guys come in. They take their time warming up. I'm like, but that's what it was for you your whole life. He's like, I know, but I just, there's too many things.

Like, you know, I got a grandkid now. I don't know. I don't care anymore. I got to be honest. I fight that. Yeah. And I think the only reason why I continue to pay attention is just being a comedian. You have to know, like, what's going on out there.

Right. So I got to kind of pay attention to pop music sports i gotta kind of know what's going on so i'm not up there with like old references or shit that people don't understand but uh like i went to i went to the patriots uh i was down in dc so i went to the patriots redskins game yesterday and it like the the music and shit that they were pumping in was too fucking loud yeah when i went to brooklyn it was just too loud. And the thing is, I forgot my earplugs. I literally bring earplugs.

It's that fucking, because my ears are junk from listening to loud music and playing drums and shit. And it's so fucking, and the worse a franchise is, the louder the music is, the more they're trying to fill up. They're trying to create an atmosphere. When like the Redskins, you know, unfortunately are 0-4 for Redskins fans. It's just, I don't know.

So I, I, I understand like I miss, um, powerhouse teams and I miss like, like this parody thing. You have a powerhouse team, but we're,

that's what's so amazing during this non powerhouse time when anybody could win it, who knows who's good anymore. Right. Right. Like, that's why no one's going to go. Like, I don't think anybody goes undefeated again. Because back in the day, it was just dynasty, dynasty, dynasty, dynasty, dynasty.

You got the players, and you could fucking hold on to them. And then you just kick the shit out of people for a half a decade or like a decade. And when I was talking to somebody, I was going, you know why Boston is such an intensive sports thing? It was because the biggest rivalry in baseball was the Boston Red Sox versus New York Yankees. Biggest in hockey, Boston Bruins versus the Canadians. Biggest in basketball, Boston Celtics, LA Lakers. It was always like these epic fucking wars,

which we used to always lose other than the Celtics. But then I went to like what the Patriots are doing right now. We don't have a rival. It was like, for a minute, it was the Colts. And then the Steelers hate us more than we hate them because

they've never beaten us in a significant game except one time they beat us and they got a shit call. It was a little bit with the Giants. Jets a little bit. And then the Giants, when the second one had to come along. Right. And then that was just like, ah, fuck, we lost to them again. But then bang, bang, bang, they won another three. Yeah.

So like when a Giant fan gives me shit, it's just like, yeah, man, you owned us for two, but we then won six. So wouldn't you take that? I'll take those two losses and the Eagles loss. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. You know? And I'm not going to be a cunt, but if you keep pushing my buttons, I'm going to say we have more Super Bowl

rings than you, the Jets, and the Bills. All three New York teams combined. You can do it. No, do it. Let it out. It's okay. It's the same thing that we say. I know you're hiding it. It's the same thing that we say with Red Sox fans. We won the last time, but the Yankees are the Yankees.

I would say when you guys did that, that was like when Trump went on Twitter and Obama went on The Tonight Show, where it's just like, you're better than this. The office is better than this. The fact that you guys, when we finally won, the first one in like fucking 100 years, took the time to make 26 to 6 t-shirts. That was, you guys were better than that. But that's the fun of it, though. No, because what that is is that's being petty. That's being real housewifey

where you should have just been like, alright, you know what? Congratulations, you got one. And shaked it off like it was nothing. Like you were sitting on 26. We knew you had 26. We got 26 2066. It was really bad. I actually saw a Red Sox fan tweet something catty to Yankee fans.

And I was just like, you just made it. It's like you just, you made their day. You made their day that they know that you're still, because you guys, half of your fucking identity, not half, but a major portion of the identity was our misery. Sure. And then that went away and you're like, I think you're biased. Huh? I disagree. You do? I think

we weren't thinking about you guys that much. I think Boston... No, no, no, no. Back then, I mean now, to know that a Red Sox fan still gives a fuck. The fact that our team isn't even in it is going like, hey, you won that game, but blah, blah, talking about some other shit.

Yeah, yeah, I get that. Like you guys never even, like what I always say to Red Sox fans, if you do that, all you're showing is that you still give a fuck. That's a good point. Because you can just sit there and be like, oh, hey, congratulations. If you just sit there, hey, man, we made the playoffs this year and you didn't. It's like, yeah, we kind of had the hangover from last just sit there, hey, man, we made the playoffs this year and you didn't. It's like, yeah, you know, we kind of had like the hangover from last year. And I never bring up that we just beat you last year.

Yeah, yeah. I don't bring myself down to that. And I just fucking root on. But that's you. You're classy like that. But no, I don't. I don't. You're also extremely happy with your life.

Yeah. Red Sox fans are a little different. You can't wear a Yankee hat in Boston. But here's the thing. It's true like it's the nicest T-shirt. Not really anymore. I love that this is going on like there's not enough cameras in here that we then also have to have that going on.

It's the Instagram. Oh, this is like a moment? Well, yeah, because she's our millennial. She's woke. She's woke and dope. What can we do to baseball, Venetia, to get it pumped up and dope? What should we do? What should we do?

I think it's the rivalry, actually. I remember when I was a kid, that was a big thing of Boston and the Yankees and how that was a big thing. Then it just ended. It ended up for two reasons. One, we finally won. And then two, we're never going to catch you. Right.

I would have to live to be like fucking 400 years old and you guys would have to suck for four centuries with all the teams, all the free agency, all the bullshit to try to well i mean i don't know how i don't know how many were we're behind in the teens sure yeah teens dude yeah it's like this this entire franchise 90 of franchises probably 99 of franchises have never even won in the teens and that's how many were behind you so it's like There's nothing to get like oh, fuck, we won one more. Now we got 10.

17 more to go. I'm trying to remember where it really started from. Chris makes a good point. Let's be honest. New York and Boston are the two American cities. That's where it started.

It's like original six. It's the original two cities that matter. Yeah, fuck Virginia and everything that happened down there. Yeah, fuck those guys. No, that's important. Colonial America's important. The way he fucking looks at history, man, it's fucking hilarious. New York first. I'm New York first. You know? I'm like,

Trump is like, America first, fuck China. I'm New York first. I go New York first. I'm New York first, too., I'm like, what is it? I'm like, Trump is like America first. Fuck China. I'm New York first. I go New York first. I'm New York first, too. People are always like, how could you root for the Mets? It's like because it's the New York team. Yeah. I'm for the New York teams first.

Yeah. What about those guys down in Florida looking for the Fountain of Youth? You don't count that? No. Can you imagine how many fucking alligators were there when their little cute loafers stepped on the beach? Absolutely. Yeah.

They lost. Spanish. Yeah. They lost. Spanish, that was Spanish influence. Out West was Spanish. You got to give a little. The British won. We're speaking English. So New York, Boston. And that's where like.

And the Boston accent. That's where the country started. You know the Boston accent. We talked about this. Is the original American accent. Are you still living off that victory way back then? Yeah. Yeah.

Battle of Brooklyn. Decisive. Yeah. But your accent, your Bostonian accent, even though I know it's not as pronounced, that's what Americans

sounded like in the Revolutionary War. That's what the accent kind of was. They say it's the closest. You have the closest remaining accent. I think you did a lot

of research and went on YouTube and you listened to audio clips from the Revolutionary War. No, and I read a book. I read a book, 1776. David McCullough, guy. Fucking good author.

Bill, let me tell you. I read all these history books. My friends think I'm gay. I think I found your tick when you lie for some reason like this side of your body got all stiff. I read this. I read this fucking book. No, I read the book.

I read 1776. You look fucking jacked. I'll give you that. I got tits though. You look good. I haven't worked out in a week. No, but you wouldn't know. He's got a PhD in physical therapy.

He's a smart kid. He doesn't look it, but he's a smart kid he doesn't look it but he's a smart kid listen don't try to insult him through me I'm not I'm saying that I didn't think

he was a smart guy I can tell by the way you look smart you just dumped all his fucking issues on him I'm not a smart guy I don't know that I'm smart and he's humble

I'm a fucking I got a German mother and it was just about you're not gonna end up like your father so it was an over correct I was over correctedrected with school. Yeah.

It's like it wasn't going to stop. Overcorrected like a fox. Yeah. Yeah. I hate people who use that expression. So I just want to be a jerk. You guys are fucked. And as you know, we are brought to you as always by our non-original fucking OG loyal sponsors.

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Put it in your ass. Whatever you want to do with it. Yeah, that's what I do. Yeah, that's what it is. And we're also brought to you by our newest sponsor, Cedra Azizi. Kid's a GI doctor with a YouTube channel. Yeah.

Kid is wild. Yeah. Just watch his YouTube channel. Yeah, his YouTube channel is Sandra D's a GI doctor with a YouTube channel. Kid is wild. What's his YouTube channel? His YouTube channel is Sandra Deez. It's Dr. Souls. What's the fucking YouTube channel? He's a GI doctor and he looks wild.

He's Dr. Souls on Instagram and YouTube podcast. Check him out. Kid's a sneakerhead and he does all types of other goofy medical education advice videos. Take a look at your gut. You guys have to check out Dr. Souls because look at how this kid looks. The kid is wild. Yo, why don't to check out Dr. Sol's because look at how this kid. Yeah, it looks fucking, yeah. I mean, the kid is wild. Yo, why don't you check this out, Dr. S. Easy? Yeah. And we're brought to you, as always, by our favorite auto collision company out there

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And they got a fucking good deal. Yeah, they'll crack your car open and clean it out. They work with all insurance companies and they do towing too. If you go see them make a video, you know how they support these guys. We're brought to you as always by our favorite CBD company, CBD Scrip. It's premium CBD oils because they're also out on the island. And CBD is great for anxiety, depression, arthritis, back pain, epilepsy, autism. I like how they put autism on there.

We do not support that. Okay? Yeah. We're not doctors, although Chris is a doctor. Yeah, I'm a doctor. He's a doctor. And I'm telling you it works for autism. It works for autism.

I almost feel guilty reading that because, like, that's pretty fucking intense for them to put that in the copy. Yeah, well, I mean, whatever. They said it, not us. Have you guys been reading this? Well, I usually don't go into the details because look how fucking long the copy is. Yeah, well, just move on to the next one. I want to go. You're only giving us $100.

You're lucky we're still fucking doing this. Yeah. CBD script. And 1,000 Patreon members were ending it. We may end it. I just made an executive decision. It was stupid. Yeah.

Use promo code HIENAS15 to get 15% off your total order at CBDscript.com. Guys, support our sponsors. Make a video. Put it in your stories. Let us see that you're buying from them. Somebody bought Lakeside Maple. We appreciate it. Also, nutrition made fun.

Okay? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the kid, between me and this kid, we got a normal set of eyes. Yeah. Give it up for Matt Koch, everybody. Go to Nutrition Made Fun on Instagram. He's got an exclusive deal for Hyena fans.

You can go to our Instagram. I posted his video on there so you can see what that discount is for Hyena fans. He called it the FF workout program. It's great. I mean, kids attend. And we know a lot of our fans fucking need it. So go and do it. And we're also brought to you, as always, by A Healthy Smile Family and Cosmetic Dentistry.

That is a healthyhappysmile.com. You can follow them on Instagram at ahealthysmilerockhill. So check it out. Dr. Harvey Spencer Jr., we love you, cuz. That's it, guy. And listen, the biggest news, November 8th, New York Comedy Club at the stand. It's sold out. We're going on that show.

We're going to be doing the Prohibition History lesson, right? Nope. What did we say? We're going to tell them at the next episode. Yeah, it's a surprise. It's there, we're not going to say. It's probably going to be something to do with firefighters because you know who's going to be there as well as going to be shot. Sean Terry, because you know who's going to be there as well.

Sean Terry, Patrick Maroody. November 9th. November 9th. The only one that has tickets left. Midnight. November 9th. So technically going into November 10th, but you get there at 1130 on November 9th.

Gramercy Theater. Gramercy Theater. The link is live right now on our Patreon, on our Twitter, on historyahinas.com, wherever you go, on our Instagram, on our social networks, everywhere. Gramercy Theater, New York Comedy Festival, midnight, November 9th, live history hyhenis. That's right. Yeah.

We haven't announced that topic yet either, but we will. No, because we're going fucking live. These are our first shows for the New York Comedy Festival. You guys are coming out. We're going to have a party. The whole crew is going to be there. Yeah.

Mike Emoji Face, Zach Isis, the Greek piece, Venetia. There's only one person who's not going to be there and his name's Hebert. We are selling merchandise.

We're selling t-shirts. We're going to be selling all our gear, taking pictures with everybody. This show will sell out. Gramercy Theater, November 9th, midnight.

Get the tickets. Historyahinas.com, patreon.com, slash bayridgeboys, christycomedy.com, yannaspapascomedy.com, grinder.com. And also,

let me just say this. Every one of these episodes is different, guys. It's just a live podcast. So if you bought tickets for the one at the stand and you want to come on the next night

to see the next episode it's going to be a different topic and Bill Burr's going to be there I'm lying I'm lying I'm lying

we may have special guests we don't know we may have special guests we truly could have special guests you never know you never know what's going to happen

you never know what's going to happen and look when it sells out this is what we promised fans one lucky guy's going to have Chris sit in his lap.

It's what it is. It's going to happen. I may fill up a Sucasaur with cashew butter and shoot it at Hey Bird. Or you'll stage dive and just fall into someone's lap. Yeah, I'll stage dive and fall into a guy's lap. It's what it is. Come with your questions, too, because that's going to be part of the end of the show. Ask us whatever you want.

What else do we got, Mike? Yeah, Mike, what else are we doing? Make sure you leave a review on iTunes, Spotify, everywhere you leave. Make sure you tell your friends. If you're following us on YouTube, subscribe, leave a comment, leave a thumbs up,

share with a friend, and follow me on Instagram at MikeVizuarez. Follow Venetia at... Venetia HRS. And you're not getting on her... She's private, so you can request, but it's going to be denied. Yeah, and add Z to drop out.

Yeah, add Z to drop out. Yeah, I mean. You know what I mean? And guess what we've decided? Guess what the fuck we decided? We decided to crack open our fucking show at Gravity Theater on November 9th at midnight with a fucking freestyle rap from Zach Isis. Yeah.

So get them balls, you heard? Yeah, I mean. Nah, man. Yeah, man. And also, fucking Mike's a good comic. You're going to be seeing fucking the comedy stylings of fucking Mike Suarez before he gets catapulted over Trump's wall. This thing wasn't recording. Is that okay?

No, for this part, we're fine. Okay. Yeah. The whole crew's going to be there. And let me just say this because we're about to do our first episode. Guys, thank you. Yeah. Thank you.

And you know what? Thank you guys to our crew. Yeah. We got a nice little team here. Yeah. Yeah. We fucking, who are we led by? Yeah. Venet. And you know what? Thank you guys to our crew. Yeah. We got a nice little team here. Yeah. Yeah. We fucking, who are we led by? Yeah.

Venetia the Greek piece? Venetia the Greek piece. Venetia the Great. Yeah. And she probably does the least of the work of these three, but she's the woman and she's the only one screwed in. No, she does the most of the work. She prepares everything.

She keeps us in check. She does keep us in check, but also here's the reason why she's- And I think I got a chance with her when she gets divorced. Not going to happen. Yeah. I think I got a chance with her when she gets divorced. Not gonna happen. Yeah. I think I got a chance with her in my 50s. Not gonna happen. That's what it is.

Because you got a baby's mama. You'll get her honor killed and yourself killed. It's what it is. Yeah, her Greek father will find you and kill you with a machete, old fucking world style. Romeo and Juliet set it. Yeah, fucking yeah.

Fucking yeah. So here's the deal why Vanity is top. Because here's the deal. We love Zach and we like Mike, but let's be honest. If we got to book a guest, or if we got to talk to an advertiser, or if we got to talk to a venue, we can't have Mike and Mike's because they're not going to understand what he's saying. Yeah.

And Zach doesn't speak English at all. Yeah. And he's got a haircut that looks Franks and Beans like he cut it himself at his mom's kitchen. Yeah. So we just have to have a representative for the podcast who can speak English normally. Yeah. And it's Venetia. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's what it is. And she's well-spoken. Yeah. And she's great. Yeah. Thank you, guys. Yeah.

As long as you don't give a fucking word dope when you talk to our people. Yeah. As long as she doesn't always tell you how she really feels, because that can hurt. That can fucking hurt. Did you see how she's been reacting to our t-shirts with the logo on it? Yeah. I can tell by her reaction she's not for it. Yeah.

But we're just going to override her because guess what? We're the boss of you. We're the boss of you. I love him. I'm the boss of me. Chris is the boss of him. And you're not the boss of us. Yeah.

Yeah. The baby's the boss of all of us. Yeah, the baby's the boss of everybody. But I can tell by your reaction you're not crazy about it. The baby told me on the phone today that it only costs a dollar to buy her that's what she told me at the diner and you're gonna say baby you're worth a little bit more than that right yeah well her mom called me and said that's why i was on the phone with the diner mom was like all right you got to hear what your daughter's saying she's saying she said to her mom she's like it only cost a quarter

to buy me that's what my baby's saying about herself and then she was like and then i was like tell her tell our daughter that I'll pay a dollar. And then I said, tell her to pay $5. And then she was like, and the situation was like, I'll pay $10. For legal reasons, we need a cockle.

And then I said, I'll pay $20. And then the situation hung up. She can't go higher than $20. And by the way, it's just clear that Bill Burr's not here, so let's just put this

on the end of the episode. No, we can't. Mike said we can't. We've got to do it in the middle, right? It would just be weird to cut back into it right now. It's where the hyena is. It's what it is. The fans know what they're getting. Now it's when we talk about it like this. But I mean, we've been going on for 20 minutes.

No, it was good. It was fine. Can't we just leave this on the end this one time? You guys love the episode. Just keep listening. Bill warms up. Yeah. Let's get out on that note. You guys are fucking like, yeah. You guys are German-Irish. German-Irish kids.

German-Irish. You guys are a little too punctual. Yeah. You work a little too hard for me. You make me uncomfortable. I like to lay back. I like to lay down. I'm a Greek kid.

Yeah, but that's an insult to our time. When you're late like that, you're disrespecting our time. I'm Greek. Yeah, you are Greek. I didn't know that. Yeah, if you don't even know my name, you can just look at my eyebrows and you get it. They look like caterpillars that are going to fly off my face.

Those things are manicured. They're manicured. They're threaded. At your age, because the thing about your age, once you get into your late 30s. Thank you. Once you get there, that's when it all starts going fucking crazy. I like how he put me in my late 30s because he's hoping there's still a chance for my career.

But I'm actually in the danger zone right now. I had to do damage control for what you said about your character. That's true. Tickets were dipping. I'm trying to say you have nice eyebrows. You're still in your 30s. Thank you. When did you start really selling tickets?

How old? Like where you went to a place? Kid moves fucking tickets. No, the kid moves tickets now. Kid moves fucking tickets. It's not even a question of kid moves tickets now. But I'm saying when did it start? It was a gradual thing.

But when was the first time you fucking sold out? The first time I needed the one-two punch or the half hour HBO, and Jim Norton got me on the late great Opie and Anthony show. Right. And then through that coming out, I was able to sell tickets in San Francisco

and Opie and Anthony markets. Okay. New York, Philly. And then everything else went away. So my first time I dealt with the pressure of people came here to see you, which was a new thing. Because up until then,

the whole pressure is, nobody knows who the fuck you are. Can I go up and get these people? Got it. Can I follow the local reference headlining feature act who just stirred these guys up with this reference to a part of town? I don't know.

So I was doing Rascals in New Jersey. First time I met Verzi. And the first time I went clean and sold out two Friday, two Saturday. Before you even got there. Yeah. Without a wig. Verzi and the first time I went clean and sold out to Friday to Saturday and they were... Before you even got there. Without a wig. They promoted the shows on Opie and Anthony. Right.

What Opie and Anthony did for all of those companies was incredible. They would basically cut commercials for your stand-up gigs. That was them paying you back. Yeah. And we got paid handsomely um but then you know some suit finally goes like these are free commercials they're not paying for them you can't do these anymore so then you had to but then they would still talk while you were

on the air and they found this middle ground they always looked out for us which was great so and i went there and that was the first time i heard it's a different sound of people excited to see you versus like yeah hey we're out and we got some free tickets let's go see this so that was the first time I dealt with this like oh like I'm finally doing well but I could lose this all tonight like if I eat my dick on four shows it's just you know you get all in your head it's gonna spread like wildfire he wasn't as good as what he did on whatever the the radio show or TV, and it's all going to go away.

So that was an adjustment period of about three months, and I would actually get relieved when I would go down south to the punchline in Atlanta, and I was only drawing half the crowd. And I was like, okay, so it's not – I kind of needed a break from that because I had never experienced it. It was new. That was 2005. How much did the Philly thing, because the Philly thing was huge.

That was like an unintentional. I was mortified after it. I thought everyone was going to laugh that I got booed. I didn't get what had happened. Yeah. I didn't get it. I was riding back with Bobby Kelly and he's going,

dude, do you realize you just told the whole city to go fuck themselves? And I was like, and all the clips were, and all these, you know, unflattering clips were ending up

on fucking YouTube and I was just like, oh my God, every comic I know is going to see that. I didn't know that people were going to look at it in a positive way. Well, because it's the same thing that happened, in my opinion, to Jim Jefferies,

because both you guys are good comics, where it's like something happened like that when Jim Jefferies got attacked on stage. It goes viral. It says, oh, who is this guy? Then you go check him out. You're like, oh, he's really funny. Now I'm a fan.

You know what's funny about that? I saw that clip of him and then knew him for like seven years and never put two and two together and then somebody did the reference i was like oh that's the same i remember that i watched that yeah of course there's a clip of a comma getting punched in the head you know what i forgot to give you shit about was like when you i don't know is there anything left yeah this one thing no the one thing i forgot was like when you when you were giving me shit about shitting on Philly, and

then it hit me. I was like, you did a whole fucking 20 minutes of shitting on Philly. Wait a minute. Yeah. I just love that you carried. That was a text argument. Yeah. This guy carries shit.

Welcome to my life. Yeah. I had to just fucking remember that. I got a woman's brain. Yeah, but they were booing me. They weren't booing you. You were just shitting on them. I was just shitting on them.

No problem. And a very arrogant, I'm from New York, therefore I'm successful, just because you chose to be born here. Yeah. Yeah. New York, New York. Yeah, what I said was it looks like New York and then you- New York. New York.

Giannis Papa's drinking the smoothies. Yeah. Put the wig on. Make us some money. That's it. That's how he comes back. Yeah. Giannis.

No, what's his name? Marissa? Marissa. Marissa. But you know, Marissa. Yeah, guy, if we take a dip in ticket sales and you don't think

you're putting on that fucking wig, you got another thing coming, guy. You're putting on that fucking wig and getting butts in those seats for us. When we put the ticket link up and we don't fill it up, you better believe I'm doing a promo on Cameo. I swear to God. I'm going straight to Cameo.

If this Gramercy Theater show on November 9th doesn't sell out in a week, you're putting that fucking wig on. That's all we got. If you don't think that, you think that's going to work, you got another thing coming because I'll tell you what we're going to do is we're going to lie and say Bill Burr's going to be there. Yeah. Yeah.

It's going to happen. It's going to happen. It's granted fucking comedy. The hyenas in Bill Burr for the New York Comedy Festival, that's what's going on. So come check us out. Yeah. I'm just psyched I saw that bit live.

That's my favorite bit you guys do. Oh, another thing coming? Yeah, another thing coming. People said that where I grew up, and then also it was one of my favorite Judas Priest songs. It works on a bunch of levels for me. Yeah. Yeah, that's just, that's.

Yeah, we'll get our fans. We'll send us wild ones. And then sometimes we're like, Jesus Christ, don't say that. Just as long as no fans make a compilation clip of us feeling awkward with Bill for this podcast. Oh, yeah. Am I making you awkward? What am I doing? No, no.

I'm saying it. No. They're saying somebody else did that on something else. And I'm saying we just hope it doesn't happen here. No, you're just being a hyena right now. I'm just being a hyena. Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. Noena right now yeah yeah yeah no you're fucking come on i don't know what you two you two talking about do you feel comfortable we feel comfortable around no i fucking feel no you know shit you know what the thing is because now i know you better but like at the beginning it was like i didn't know like you used to say it's a tough hang because it's

intimidating it's intimidating first of all you're a closed guy but then secondly like information but also you look up to the guy. I just carry shit. Yeah. It's just fucking amazing. No, I'm just saying, how do you relate to someone you admire so much, you know what I mean? And then you meet them, and you're like, oh, he's just a normal guy.

You're just eventually going to come back to him and his talent. Absolutely. Yeah, because I'm a pretty good at characters. I just look too rehearsed. Yeah. How do you just- Yeah. I'm pretty good at characters.

Yeah. I'm pretty good at characters, and my special's got 40,000 views, so it's doing pretty good. It's what it is. But Chris got drunk and threw up a clip and now it has half a million. Yeah, that's how comedy works. I worked so hard to do that special I put up. It's got 40,000. He got drunk one night, called me right before and was like, I'm hammered. I'm going to do a set. He did

one 9-11 story. Shit's got half a million views in 13 hours. Oh, it's a great one. Oh, you saw it? I loved it. Oh, thanks, man. Not to say I didn't love yours. I was working too hard. You can see the effort in mine, whereas he's just great one. I saw it. I loved it. Oh, thanks, man. Not to say I didn't love yours. I was working too hard. You can see the effort in mine, whereas he's just a natural FF. Well, what are you going to do? Funny fuck.

Funny fuck. Funny fuck, yeah. Yeah, I... No, but I think... Trying to go positive. Yeah. But no. Things are positive now for us.

Come on. Things are great. With the hyenas, it's getting positive now. Guys, can I tell you something? Don't let this business tear apart

what you have here. No. This magic. I'll call it. I'll call it. I'll call it. I'll call it. I'll call it.

I'll call it. I'll call it. No, you know what keeps us connected? My daughter. The comedy that you bring that is so needed during this comedy climate to have your friendship destroyed

over clicks. It's not going to happen. Not with us. Not with us. I think you guys need to start taking a yoga class together. We are. Owl's Head Yoga, Bay Ridge.

Shout out. Right before you do this show to take all the energy out of it. Yeah. Just drive it into a sandbar. He actually got serious about yoga and got yoga socks. Yeah, I got yoga socks.

That became a t-shirt of ours. Yeah, it's called the No Fumes t-shirt. We got it at historyahinas.com. Yeah. Wait, I got yoga socks. That became a t-shirt of ours. Yeah, it's called the No Fumes t-shirt. We got it at HistoryIhinas.com. Yeah. Wait, what are yoga socks? It's because I got hammer toes, so my toes cross over each other, so it's a sock that puts...

Yeah, if you look right here, they keep each toe individually... Now, does that mean that you don't have to deal with... You don't have to go to a podiatrist someday and have the operation? Will it yank it back? According to Giannis' father-in-law, I will need the operation eventually when it starts rubbing on the top of my sneakers, but it's not there yet.

I'll just start to get constant bunions. So why don't you just get it now so it's not as damaged? Because I got to get a tonsillectomy too, so I don't want to go fucking toe and tonsils back to back. I want to just wait and space them out. I got to do my Comedy Central special, then I'll take a break. You need your voice. Yeah.

So I think you can hobble through that. Your fucking toes. Yeah. His feet are actually, they're shaped like they're in high heels. They look like Isosceles' triangles. Yeah. It's probably from all those years playing hoop with no sneaker contract. What did you have?

You have the feelers? Like, what's his face? Yeah, bullshit feelers. Yeah. Those things almost ended Grant Hill's career. New Balancers, too. My high school is sponsored by New Balancers, which is a face? Yeah, bullshit Feliz. Yeah, those things almost ended Grant Hill's career. New Balances, too. My high school is sponsored by New Balances, which is a good show, but they're dated.

I feel like the Detroit Pistons did to Grant Hill what Golden State kind of did to Kevin Durant. What do you mean? They just kept pushing him out there because he was moving tickets for that team. He was the only bright spot where he needed to rest that ankle. Well, no, it was Kevin Durant's decision to come back, to come out, allegedly.

I mean, they could have been like, no. They could have been like, you can't. See, I disagree. They knew he was a free agent. Guys, let's not do this. Let's not. Okay. Let's get back to Boston.

I'm joking. I was acting like the fucking kid watching the parents argue. I want to hear this. What's your theory? My theory is they knew he was leaving. They knew he was leaving. Oh, this is going dark. This is going dark. They knew he was leaving. They knew he was leaving. Oh, this is going dark. This is going dark.

They knew he was leaving, so they were like, yeah, you're good. They were like, you want to play? He was like, I want to play. All competitors want to play. He was like, I want to play. And they were like, yeah, we think you're clear. So you think he was a pawn in the big game like Shane Gillis? Yeah.

That's what you think. Yeah. He's a pawn in the big fucking atmosphere. Big fucking game. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, in the big fucking atmosphere. Because for the injury to happen that quick on nothing, on absolutely nothing, he was way not ready to play.

And that type of injury, they know that. That's not a judgment call. Yeah, but as a guy, I understand sports psychology. I get all that. But as a human being... Hey, nobody said you didn't. Yeah, I'm fucking sensitive. No reason all that. But as a human being. Hey, nobody said you didn't. Yeah. Yeah, I'm fucking sensitive.

I got a psychology. No reason to come in here so defensive. I got an undergrad degree in psychology. Shout out St. Joseph College. Watch what happens. That's the motto. Your mother's very proud of you. My mother is proud of me that I went to St. Joseph.

She's very proud. You're a doctor. Well, technically. You're pretty much a doctor. I got a clinical doctor degree. Yeah. But you can't tell. Watch what happens. It's the greatest fucking ever.

It really is. SJC, watch what happens. It's like cocky. Yeah. And the president of the valedictorian of my class died of a heroin overdose in 2009. So three years, watch what happens. Fucking funeral time.

So I think Kevin Durant, he made his decision on his own. And as a man, as a guy who's worked, you know, he was the one putting the shots up in the gym. You can tell all these people could say whatever they want, contract, property, blah, blah, blah. It's like he's the guy playing the game. He makes the decisions for himself. I believe that.

But you don't think if he still had years left on his contract guarantee, you don't think they would have protected him for the future? I don't think you can. No, I think they probably tried to. But Kevin Durant said, I'm playing. And then he's going out and playing. Is that how it works? I don't know the ins and outs.

I don't know. This was like a great courtroom drama. And I was watching the closing arguments. And you just tapped out. Like, I mean, is that how it works? Yeah, I should have just pretended like I know. That's not the way it works. Come on, you're on the family's lawyers.

Yeah, that's not the way it works. Yeah. Leading the player. Yeah. I am a know-it-all, so I should have just kept going with it. You're not a know-it-all. Well, yeah, but you do know a lot of stuff. That's the thing.

Not really. Yeah. He's not saying you're smart. He's just saying you know a lot of stuff. There is a difference. There's a huge difference. Yeah. I'm not a smart kid. None of us saying you're smart. He's just saying you know a lot of stuff. There is a difference. There's a huge difference. Yes. Yeah.

I'm not a smart kid. None of us are really smart kids. I don't think comedians- You have a circle that I'm, you know, as a fan of yours, that I'm waiting for you to bust out of. You need to stay, you stay in your safe areas. Yeah. Give me more.

No, I'm going to- I need this. No, I'm going to leave this hanging here. So I can put a gun in my mouth. I'll put a gun in my mouth. Knowing, dear Bill Burr, knowing that you're going to take, in fucking years,

you're going to come up to me being like, do you feel like, am I out of the circle? Am I out of the circle? Did I leave it yet? Am I outside that circle? And I'll be 66, and I'll be playing at Governor's,

and you'll be like not quite you're like you're like a country farmer that's afraid to go to the big city but you grew up in the big city yeah and you're just sitting there on your little turnip farm here and you're afraid to like i don't know what it is you got this this thing where you feel like you need to stick up for your city when no one's really trashing it nobody cares yeah sticking up for greeks that you know this country doesn't have a policy right now that's aggressive yeah towards to stick up for your city when no one's really trashing it. Nobody cares. You're sticking up for Greeks. You know, this country doesn't have a policy right now

that's aggressive towards the country. Yeah. You're going after Philadelphia and Boston. And me, one of your good friends?

Yeah, one of your good friends. I almost, three times, I almost saw your wonderful friendship end on this episode. Yeah. You're like a fucking uncle

to my daughter, man. Yeah, the baby. B-A-B-I. Yeah, she calls him Aunt Giannis because she saw him once with the wig on. She doesn't know if he's a fucking uncle to my daughter, man. Yeah. The baby. B-A-B-I. Yeah, she calls him Aunt Giannis because she saw him once with the wig on. She doesn't know if he's a man or a woman. I swear to God. She calls him Aunt Giannis. She's confused. And my kid's mom gets mad. She's like, you're confusing our daughter. I'm like,

Giannis is confused as a person. Yeah. He's a they. He's a they. I'm a they. We'll teach her that. That's my preferred pronoun. They. They. They in a circle. Bill, what does that mean? How do I get out of the fucking circle? Dude I don't know I'm just fucking with you

Do I gotta move to LA? Is that what you're What I'm doing is I'm busting your balls Acting like I have the answer To the riddle And I don't I don't

No You're gonna take it home And you're gonna put a gun in your mouth Dude I'm gonna kill myself And if I do kill myself I'm definitely writing a letter That says Cause Bill Burr

Didn't tell me what the circle meant Well what you have to do Is on your suicide note is part of your brain's got to get on the note or it doesn't look real. It looks like a plant. So I blow it from behind. Yeah. I just lean down and blow it from behind. Yeah.

To make sure. You just offset. Yeah. If you do that, then that's a weird place. Yeah. And I can see the courtroom drama. If I was to kill myself, I would hear. I never understood the gun in the mouth.

You're just going to blow out your throat. Yeah. You know what would be a great way to do it to ruin the rest of his life? Would be like put up a YouTube clip of him and pause it. Yeah. Just like one of his great specials. And then just blow my brains against his set. And his set just, I'll never be this good.

Dude, you know what's funny? Then you kill my career. Be like that fighter that killed somebody in the ring. Never punches as hard. See, that's how Greeks know how to use guilt. We learn that from our parents.

I'll hurt myself. Back in the circle. Back in. Back in the circle. Like the Greek circles. My mother did it. Like three years ago, like three years ago,

I got pulled over because I think I went through a red light or something. And I got pulled over. And you know like there's that nervous energy where like you get pulled over and you're like, fuck what I do. And I had Sirius on and you were on a few specials ago. And it was that bit when you talk about, you know, like the water you affect. Trashing women like I do all the time. No, but literally such a range in my act.

I had it. I literally had the volume. I had the volume on like a good, you know, volume. And as I'm rolling down the window, I just didn't even think to turn it, to turn my music down because, you know, I'm just nervous for the cops. And he goes, license to registration and perfect time. You go, what are you a fag? That bit when you go, well, that's the last thing your friends are here with.

You die and you hit the face off the syrup banana. Oh, you got bananas as pancakes. What are you, a fag? And the cop just took him over. He goes, license and registration. He has to get. I was like, it's Bill Burr. You got a ticket, right?

Oh, I got a ticket. Yeah. Yeah. He wasn't a fun. If he was a fun guy, like a fun... You know, like a one... He would have just been like, probably let me off. But he was fucking some cuck.

Yeah. How do you... Here's the thing that... This special you did is amazing. I think it's one of the best. That's just... Yeah. I just think it's one of your better ones.

And that says a lot, obviously. But like, how do you keep... How do you keep... Like, when you're famous... And let's be honest. You sell tickets and you got a little bit of money i'm in a great place though i'm in a great place where like people don't fuck with me yeah like i i just like there's there's different there's different rooms of

this shit and you can be that guy who has entourage and security and then going to a club and like oh we got a vip this and just making this spectacle of yourself. Or you can just fucking walk around. Like I've, you know, I don't want to name names. I don't want to fuck up their shit, but I've done a couple of acting gigs with like super fucking famous people

and they don't behave that way. At least the guys can. Women have to have security because there's so many fucking creeps out there. But like the guys just fucking, if you just fucking walk around and act like it's not a big deal then that you get rid of a lot of that right right because when you take that fucking ride that you just you just cut the cord to any sort of reality and that's when you know you're sitting courtside with

sunglasses on and doing that shit with your ed hardy outfit on yeah you know with some chick who doesn't love you for texting the whole time, right? Oh, yeah. The Louboutins, that whole fucking, the front row of a hoop game is not where you want to end up. Right. Unless you're like some crazy, I don't know, super fan. I'm not saying they're all bad, but in general.

Yeah. That's like usually, I would say, the first sign that you're starting to slip away. And then you're fucked. Right. Then you're fucked. Do you consciously starting to slip away and then you're fucked right then you're fucked do you consciously try to do that it starts with the american airlines lounge yeah and you cut the cord from regular people trying to stay in line and get a fucking star but it starts there and then it's how far you go i use the lounge yeah i'm not gonna lie to you every once in a while

right yeah i treat myself yeah um but like i it's such a fucking process and and like all of that shit you constantly got to update it and it's just all the jokes are out with the fucking all the people are just fucking used all the animals you got to hang with the animals or else you don't have any material well what you have too and what like a guy like you or a guy like a jim gaffigan's career i love it's it's all the powers in the fans like your fans are the ones that you know, they're fans of your work, where some of our other peers that we know,

they're fans from big TV shows. It's like the network is the thing. So they're like, they just want to grab them, and they don't even know they do stand-up. They're coming to see them because they saw them in a movie or a TV show. That's a different kind of thing. But either way works.

Those are both two mountains you got to climb up. Absolutely. You're going to do the grassroots. Yeah. I'm just going to keep coming to fucking Wichita until I sell this room out which was which was the way i had to do it because who's getting who the alleywood's not looking for for a balding redhead like that's the guy with fucking putting the movie on so and then there's the other side where like you then have to like book a tv show which was really hard back in the day i don't't know about now. There's so many of them, but it still is hard.

And then it's got to be a fucking hit. I think that that's the hard part now. anymore. Yeah. Yeah, because it's so, it's like there was

the slices of pie and now they just take the pie and they throw it through a wood chipper and you just hope some fucking cream or something goes. Well, like our peer,

like from our generation is like Andrew Schultz is selling the most tickets out of all of us right now and it's all his own YouTube stuff. Podcast. No Tonight shows,

no TV shows, no movies. All those things are great and I'm sure he'll get those things because of the success he has now but it's like that seems to be the way

like the Opie and Anthony routes don't exist for us anymore. It's like a podcast now. Yeah, but now you guys have Getting on a Rogan or your stuff like you coming on helps us so much

because it makes people search you, and then they see this, and then they listen. And that's just how – that's the way we have to do it. Right. Well – You know? But you couldn't do this. There's advantages and disadvantages to whenever you fucking started.

So it's just as long as you just use the advantages the way that you can. You pick a fucking road. Exactly. Stay on it. You got to put your blinders on because every young comic goes through that thing that thing well well he's doing that i need to be doing that and then you just you sit there just wandering around over here and then you're going over here at some point you're just gonna be all right what the fuck do i want to do i'm just gonna do this and just keep fucking doing this and you know and then not be an asshole hopefully and then

hopefully that's why for me personally it's been like having a child and being somebody's dad is the most grounding and beautiful thing because it just gets – I so wanted you to choke up during that. You almost did. I would. Having a child. Having a child. If the Yankees – yeah, if the Yankees win this year, I will choke up.

Yeah. They – The streak continues. Yeah, it might. Please. But with her, with my daughter, I noticed, I realized it when I had a pilot with CBS. Didn't go, but whatever.

It was a whole fucking year of my life. And like my family, I was going out to LA. I was in LA for two months, back and forth to LA so much throughout the year. They were making us feel like it's going to be a show. They had me meet with Kevin James and Ray Romano. And oh, you're going to be Les Moonves called me. And it was like, holy shit, I'm going to have a show.

You know, Giannis was telling me it's not going to work. And he was right. And it's true. And he saw the pilot. He goes, this is a piece of shit. You better hope it doesn't get on the air. I was like, oh, man. They fucked.

They ruined it. They did ruin it. They ruined it. You were right. Sometimes you don't have to go on it. Because the ship was going to crash anyway. No, I told them after. They didn't.

It wasn't. You showed me after. No, no, no. But it was true. I would have never said that before. But when it didn't get on the air, I remember I after they didn't. It wasn't, you showed me after. No, no, no. No, but it was true. I would have never said that before. But when it didn't get on the air, I remember I was flying back from LA and they told me on the plane it didn't get on the air

and there's a whole story. But I remember if I didn't have my daughter. I told you on the plane, they called you. No, you know what actually was? I mean, Chris, you have a call. I had, no, I was doing a private gig in San Francisco and I was on the runway and they were saying, and I was on the runway, and they were saying, and the deadline had released the new CBS fall lineup.

My show wasn't on, and I called my manager. I was like, hey, I didn't go. Hey, didn't see. Yeah, yeah. Seems to be, did they forget a name? Yeah. Is there a page two? And then he called.

He's like, I gotta be here somewhere. But he called. When I call him. Talking shit to the chick next to you big big show yeah big show she watches you fall apart

sorry he calls me I call him and I say I didn't go whatever and I'm on the fucking runway like we're moving already and he goes no no no no

he goes we just got off the phone with CBS your show it's between your show and another show who's gonna be the winter pickup the January pickup they always have one mid-season pickup

and it's between you and another show he's like so you're not they're talking about you right now he said everybody we're there that you know the heads of the agents are in there working for you and literally we're like descending now the flight attendant told me twice she's like turn off that phone like she was getting agitated and i was like it's off and then like literally as we're speeding up that text come i'm like looking at a picture of my daughter The text comes from the top from my manager. He goes, didn't go, buddy. Sorry. Then we start to take off. My head

went, caved back in. The momentum of it hit me back. I swear to God, for like 90 minutes, I was just comatose. Then I drank on the plane. I said, let me drink on the plane. Landed. Always a good move. Disappointment, go to alcohol. What bad thing can happen? I went right to Pinot Grigio.

That's what kids from my neighborhood do. If you're from Northern Europe, that's just kind of the go-to move. But then I could have dealt with that. I land and then my family knows. I tell them my mom's all upset but then my daughter, I was like that show daddy had, she's two.

I was like that show daddy had it didn't go and I apologized. I was like I'm so so sorry and then she was like can you still push me on the swing and that's and then it like was clear to me it's like oh beautiful my daughter doesn't it is if you didn't take a shot of northern europeans yeah yeah you guys like you guys like to drink bill would have got his wish i would have cried if you didn't fucking yeah that was not necessary i know we know we're animals you are guys are you guys are you act like you're calm, but you guys are like gremlins. You act very nice, and then you pour a little bit of that, and then it's like, fuck your mother, you guys lose it.

Yeah, well, this world is this planet's ours. Can we get a way to judge Jesus? Zach, it's a character piece. That's my friend, Patty Mulrooney. It's Patty Mulrooney, Sean Cherry. He's a firefighter. He's never been to the city. His first time to the city.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I remember it was Robert Kelly who told me because when I had my baby, I only knew her mom two or three dates. And I was like fucking having this baby. It's crazy. And it was Robert who was like, hey, listen, man. I just had a son.

It's the best thing that's ever happened to me for many reasons, he said. But for career stuff, don't listen to any of the people that are telling you this is a bad move for your career or this is going to ruin your career he said fuck whatever they say

he said they're all sitting alone at whatever comedy club on the road wishing they were going to have what you have he's like it's the best thing

and he was right Bobby is the best in those situations now if your show got picked up you would not want to run into him yeah fucking yeah what are you going to do dude run into him. Yeah, fucking, yeah. Yeah.

What are you going to do, dude? Are you going to be some next-door neighbor? Yeah, well, he's going to be pissed at this. He's like, you have Bill on and not us? I'm fucking with him. Yeah, he's going to be pissed when you have him on. He's like, it's my fucking studio. Dude, he's giving me advice like that in key moments, too.

I was actually texting with Bill when I was going through my recent problems. What? When you were cumming blood? Gun in the mouth. He was. He started spewing blood a little bit. They call me Yanni Nets on the show because they feel like we've got to put Nets behind because I keep almost passing out on stage.

We'll have those Nets out November 9th, Gramercy Theater. Yeah, we'll put the Nets out. Or Mike Emoji behind me in case I fall after his set. He'll be, yeah. So I told you. I passed, you know, and Comedy Connection, I canceled my whole weekend. I got off stage. I was doing.

Yeah, I had to call your wife. Yeah, and I was still struggling with this when I was doing Mohegan Sun at a comics. Yeah. And I spoke to Bill, and it was just so nice to speak to somebody older and like, you know. Anytime he goes, he's lying. Yeah. I'm not lying. I don't know what that is. It means older and wiser you know, anytime he goes, he's lying. Yeah. I'm not lying. I don't know what that is.

It means older, wiser, been there. Further ahead in the career. Let's be clear. A lot further. Let's be clear. Kid moves fucking tickets.

I mean, the kid's fucking barely selling out bananas. Yeah. I sold it out once and I haven't been, since I put down the wig, I haven't been asked back.

I got asked to give money back to cops in San Francisco. That's how bad I did. Oh, I got sent home. I got sent home. Punchline Sacramento. I just, hey, Bill, come on in the office. I'm like, oh, they're really impressed with my new hour. They're like, yeah, Bill, Sunday ain't happening.

We're going to send you home. How would you like to get on a plane right after your show I got one of those yes I got demoted from headliner down to feature act the first time I

headlined at the trop in fucking Vegas and I the chick I was seeing I flew her out to see me my big headline oh yeah

oh yeah but this is early early on right like in your were you still in your 20s but at that point um no I was about 30 I think when that happened wow I was definitely But this is early, early on, right? Like, were you still in your 20s at that point? No, I was about 30, I think, when that happened.

Wow. I was definitely 30. I was 30. When I feel they hit to the chest, that felt like in your 30s. Yeah. 20s, you can shake them. But you've got young running back. You've still got young legs.

In your 30s, that's when they start, you know, like when the Lions go after that one Buffalo? Yeah. They start slowing them down. Yeah. That's kind of what was going on there. Yeah. Me and Angelo tried to do a theater with Maurice Zampanos in Philadelphia, and we sold about 50 tickets in a place that fits 700.

I was there. I did that. So they moved us to the bar area. Wow. So we did the show at the bar area, which I'm glad. I would rather have done that than do it in the theater. Yeah. So they made the right move, but it hurt. It stung.

Yeah, I feel like I'm going to do Sacramento Punchline this weekend, and tickets are low, but it's one of those things where it's like It's a tough ticket. It's a tough, and it's just like, you know what? This is where I'll work on my stuff. I'll fucking just try to kill every hour and just promote as much as I can.

I mean, what can I do? Well, make sure you have a car. Yeah, I'm going to ramble. I didn't have a car, and I was trying to save money, and I just was at the Comedy Condo, and there was a McDonald's right near it. It was one of those dirty McDonald's. Nothing worse than a dirty McDonald's and just fucking people using, hanging out there. So I was just, yeah, it was a...

That's third. So I actually, I don't think I was that upset when they sent me home probably i did i did a tour uh you uh you know this is back during the uh when dane blew up on myspace and all of a sudden people saw the power of social media um then all these agents it was so fucked they started trying like well you got 3 000 and he's got 15 000 and you got 4 000 we put you all together you're gonna sell out an 800 seat theater and it just didn't it was just like it's just like it's like you're a country singer you're doing death metal and you juggle yeah like they didn't have like a through line right right so they tried to put me giraldo and uh a young mike berbiglia

together and i i should have known it was a bad idea because we were trying to think of a name for the tour we couldn't i remember giraldo rest his soul he goes how about two men and a baby and i was like that could work we could we could do the poster and we actually should have done that but i forget what it was. I forget what we ended up even calling it, and it just didn't work. Because Greg and I were similar enough that we sort of had the same

little fan base, and then Mike was way over there, and it just was not, you know, there's got to be a through line to the show other than this three fucking guys talking into a mic. That's funny that they were just trying to combine your – they're trying to add your numbers together. Oh, yeah. Don't do anything.

Don't build the act. Don't go that route. Let's get the money now, burn them out, and then fucking ride the next horse. Shoot these in the head. Yeah. I mean, our agents, nobody was paying attention to us until we sold out this quickly. The first show was History Hyenas, and now they're all perked up. They're listening to this right now.

Now they have fucking notes for us a year and a half later. Because the whole shit is like podcasting was bullshit, and then what's this? And now it's like this magical thing. There's always that thing that they think, so-and-so did this, so do this, and then you'll get there. And it's just, I don't know. Well, it's like a different subculture of comedy now. Like, you can't, there's certain people that, you know, we

stand-ups are like, oh, so-and-so isn't that good at stand-up, but they're really good at the podcast, so they deserve to sell out. Like, people go see them and they love their show, so it's like, sometimes other comedians want to hate, it's like, well, that fucking person's good at that. They're not good at the stand-up, but they're good at the podcast. And I'll be honest with you. I really think that the,

the, the conditioning is changing. I feel like this people's sensibility is changing because of podcasts. I think like standup almost seems a little contrived now the way like you, you look at it now, you don't think so? No, not,

there's nothing better than a comedian just going up on stage, saying what they're thinking and ripping a crowd. It is, but the laughs per fucking second compared to... It's true. I agree with you, but I'm saying the young people, I've noticed, like, when you do comedy... He thinks too much.

I do. I do. Fucking theories and theories. It's just like... I call him Yanni Longdays. Yanni Longdays, because he sees, yeah, it's going to be a long day. Every time he tweets something out

at, like, 3 o'clock in the morning, I'll always tweet, I got him in for a long fucking day. Because whatever you see on Twitter, him getting that, I live three blocks away from him, so I'll get a text at 6 a.m., you want to get coffee? And I'm like, oh, fuck. Yeah, give it to him. Can I dump the first six minutes of my day on you?

Yeah. It's already building up. The best is he figures out ways to get off the phone like, I don't know, that's what he's doing. He's like, oh, wait, there's an elephant coming. I got to go. There's an elephant coming. I got to go. There's an elephant coming. I can't.

He was just going to throw his fucking real job all onto the bus. I think it's like you've trashed your character. She's not selling. Stand up ain't happening anymore. You are fucking gloom and doom. Hyenas is the only thing he's saying. I am. Like, part of me is like, I'm a little worried.

I'm like, yeah, hyenas is doing real well. Because I put all my energy into this. Yeah. And now that your Comedy Central deal's over, you're probably going to do that too. Yeah, that fucking ended yesterday abruptly. You had it and you lost it, guys. Why? It never ends.

No. Nicely. This is going good. We're having a lot of fun. And we're starting to move tickets off this, which is nice. But it's the way. It's the 20. The thing that I'm, hopefully.

And let's be honest. We have a good time together. We got a great time. We have a good time. And I just feel confident if the podcast sells tickets, we have strong enough backbones now that we could give them a good stand-up show,

and it's not just like. You guys are going to be fine. Yeah. You're going to be fine. I love this show. You guys are so much fun to watch. Is it ever enough for you? I'm on your fucking show.

Jesus fucking Christ. Mike, make a note. You can edit that. We're going to do a little clip. Oh, is that because I tweeted about the other thing? I forgot to tweet about this. Yeah. It makes us feel insecure.

Well, because I didn't want to fucking... I thought I had to do it in chunks. No. But then it freaked me out. I don't, I'll tell you the Hollywood shit afterwards. What happened because of the tweet, you know? Yeah. All right.

What are we talking about? I was honestly just kidding. I'm lost. What happened? I fucking tweeted that I was going to be in the barstool thing, and then my game plan was then to tweet on the way down here, but I didn't because I got involved in some other stuff. Not to say you guys are not important to me

I was looking like I went out of my way I know no we appreciate this we weren't even thinking about the tweet about you guys

yeah I know she's my publicist they were like they don't count yeah fire that bitch they're not a factor no I'm kidding

I made sure I said hey he made sure he fucking put but I double checked no we appreciate it man thank you man this is humongous for us and I watch you guys on Instagram I think you guys No, he made sure he fucking put it. But I double checked. No, we appreciate it, man. Thank you, man. We appreciate it.

This is humongous for us. And I watch you guys on Instagram. I think you guys, I have the highest, I'm doing Giannis now. He's got the highest respect for this guy. Yeah. I mean, the highest. Real quick, can we just read the Patreon members? Just real quick.

We have to read them every episode. So we got people, you know, Patreon. You got the Patreon? He doesn't do it. You don't do it. Okay. It didn't work for me. All right. So for us, it, you know, Patreon. You got the Patreon? He doesn't do it. You don't do it. Okay. It didn't work for me. All right.

So for us, it's what we do here. So it's patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. People go, join. They get extra bonus content on that bullshit. We encourage them to make a funny name. If they don't make a funny name, that means they're here for the content. Straight to the back. They got a corporate job.

We just say straight to the back. We don't fuck around with their name. Like the guys who used to go for the porn section. You know, they go straight to the back. They walk into the- Saloon doors. Yeah. Swingin' doors. Straight to the back. It don't fuck around with their name. Like the guys used to go for the porn section. You know, they go straight to the back. They walk into the saloon doors. The swinging doors. Straight to the back. It'll be real quick. And then we just pick one who's our PPW Pseudo Penis of the Week. Funny as that pseudo penises.

We give them the PPW. That's it. Two minutes and it's gone. Okay. First up, the DA. I don't know what that is. Straight to the back. Straight to the back. Here for the content. Laurentides Robertson. Straight to the back. Here for the content. Joe Shaia. Wow, we got a whole bunch of square kids. But now here we go.

Get crowded back there. Here we go. Dominic slinging Pete's with a mediocre piece Murano. Here we go. Good one, yeah. Steven, put your fancy clothes on. We're going to Olive Garden, Kellhauer. That's another good one.

Nice. Yeah. Then we got Rachel. One name. Yeah, here for the contest. Then we got Anahid. Yeah. Anahid?

Anahid? I don't know. Just one name. Here for the contest. International we got Anahid from, yeah. Anahid who? Anahid? I don't know, just one name. Here for the content. International appeal. International appeal. Sandra Day. Sandra Day, absolutely. Kyle, my mother wanted a daughter, so I talked to Crowley.

Then we got Anthony Jalapeno P. Sortiz. Yeah. Harrison Barber, straight to the back. Straight to the back. I'm here for the content. Then we got Charlie Patty Mulrooney finger blasting my mom's booty, and it's just what it is. Ten.

Matt, the half wasp, half sauce monkey, 100% for the cause. Yeah. Wow. Here we go. Here we go. Coming close and strong. Then we got G&D. G&D.

Here for the good. Then we got- Or he's promoting his plumbing business. Okay. Then we got- Yeah. Bubblegum Brown. Funny name. He went for it. He went for it. But Bill Burr's here. You got to come. Then we got Bubblegum Brown. Funny name, Bubblegum.

He went for it, but Bill Burr's here. You got to come stronger. You got to come strong. I like Bubblegum Brown. That sounds like an old school pimp. Billy likes it. That is a good one, yeah. Then we got Tanner fell in love with a toot.

Funny. Funny one, yeah. Johnny Stevens, here for the content. I'm here for the content. Straight to the back. Straight to the back. Victoria, make no mistake, doesn't want to get sent to the back. Hillier.

Goody. Yeah, she gets it. She's a Clyde Drexler back. Hillier. Goody. Yeah, she gets it. She's a Clyde Drexler, born in the era of Jordan. Yeah, there's some better ones. Homer Salgado. It's not her fault, though. It's not her fault. Homer Salgado, it's a funny name.

White Walker. Yeah. Andrew Chrissy tucked it back and sat in my lap Houston. Reese. Good one, yeah. Yeah, a lot of inside jokes there. Dennis raincoats off for quitters. Blake.

I like the kid. Yeah, it's good. Not bad. He took a swing. Then this kid just gave his Instagram name, Vicer underscore Rock, straight to the back, Dennis raincoats off for quitters Blake I like the kid yeah it's good not bad he took a swing then this kid just gave his Instagram name visor underscore rock screwed in

he's putting his Instagram name yeah he's promoting Danny this lap was made for Chrissy D's Fanny Nieves 10 yeah then we got

Jessica extra current Jessica X toot current trash monkey a bit on the autistic scale F and B wait current Jessica X toot current trash monkey a bit on the autistic scale

F and B wait Jessica give it from the back Jessica X toot current trash monkey a bit on

the autistic scale F and B's pretty good it's all one word it's too much it was good yeah your read kind of killed it

I don't know I don't know what to do it's funny it's funny Clyde Drexler born in the Wrong Hour. There's a few more. You're overrated judging somebody's intelligence by how they read out loud.

Go ahead. Yeah. It's one word. So the brain is designed to break it up into syllables. I still think you're smart. Go ahead. I appreciate it. And I believe you because you're a doctor.

Absolutely. You're a doctor. Next one, here for the character piece. Here for the character piece? Goodie, yeah. An Irish kid who's got a great family and career, so I'm headed in the right direction. White. That one's funny.

Yeah. Yeah. Luis Toot is my pronoun to Stefano. Goody. Luis is just a funny name. Luis is good. Is that Coke? Huh?

Toot? Coke? Toot? No, Toot is a prostitute. Prostitute. But we call Toots people who sign on, people who don't sign on to our Patreon, we call them Toots. People who aren't on Patreon are non-Toots.

Non-Toots. But we just call everybody Toots. If you aren't on Patreon are non-toots. Non-toots. But we just call everybody toots. If you listen for free, you're a toot. Toot was fucking cocaine when I was a kid. It could be that. It's the T-U-T-E.

Toot, riding the rail. Yeah. Lisa Dunn. Lisa Dunn. Here for the content straight to the back. Sean shot so much rope it clogged the drain meal.

Yeah. Yeah. Isaac, just a misdemeanor brown. Yeah. Okay. All right. He went for it. Screwed in Irish Mick cleaned out by the Holy Priest piece.

Yeah. Mikey, low-key Mexican hoping for the wall because I like my job. Yeah, Ted. Chris, deep throat but not like Watergate DiStefano. Okay. Yeah, deep throat. He went for it. Because he was a political thing. Ken Burns. He went Ken Burns Stefano. Okay. He went for it. Took a swing.

Ken Burns. He went Ken Burns on it. Yeah, he went for it. Then this guy just put Julian fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Anderson. Okay. Kid had writer's block. He just let it out. Yeah.

Chris, one word. Yeah. Big Relio. Luke, no fumes, even though it burns. Pretty good. Pretty good. Jennifer Jasper, Andrew, Chris Murphy, Ryan Ramirez. Then we got Fitz jerking my pseudo penis to become a TBG hyena Patrick.

TBG is a true blue gay. True blue gay, yeah. Then we got Alex cracked open and cleaned out his pseudo peen on the NHS with warts. It's a goodie, but run on sentence. Okay. He tripped himself up, I think. We're almost done here. I think the fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck was a voice text.

It might have been a voice text. It could have been a voice text, yeah. Carrying a hot plate fuck, fuck was a voice text. It could have been a voice text. Carrying a hot plate. Yeah, it could have been. Took something out of an oven. Yeah. And then set it down and then said the last name. Then we got Tara's good Irish Catholic kid, Gregan.

Okay. And then we have one that, buckle up, Jakey's not a toot, but might crack open Chrissy's cute little poop shoe. Yeah. Wow. That might be it. Okay. Gerald Rub poop shoe. Yeah. Wow. That might be it. Okay. Gerald Rubin Jr.

Yeah. Content. Jenny Double D. Make no mistake. I'm moving vegetables. Yeah. That's a good one. Kool Klux.

Colby. The Third Reich will rise again. Sheets. I mean, you got to stop with these names, guys. Yeah. It's your fault. You know it is. You got to do that. Yeah.

It's your fault. Rory King. Then we got, I got a tickle in my sphincter. Chrissy punched me through. Sean, not a sauce monkey. Pazza Louie. You're a fucking sauce monkey. Yeah.

Sauce monkey. That's what we call Italian sauce monkeys. Yeah. Then we got purple-headed yogurt slinger. And then we got Luke Guidry. And then we got Kenny and Nantute with a good lap drill. So thank you for the, those are the newest members of the Patreon. I mean, that was a Hall of Fame team.

Who's the PPW? The Jakey? Cute shoot? Cute poop shoot? Well, that's... I mean... Bill, does anybody stick out for you?

Did you stop listening? There was like 9,000 of them. Well, and also, you guys, you got your own jink, your own jargon here. Yeah, we got our language. We got our language

all their own. Urges Borg 9. All right, who are we going to give it to? Trucker, right? Who do you give it to? Trucker, right? Who do you give it to? Who do you got? So many good ones

We have Dominic's thing in Pete's With the mediocre Pete's Morano We have Bubblegum Brown Bill liked that one Bill liked Bubblegum Brown But I think this is the wrong list I wouldn't put him as far as the...

Got it. Yeah. Great guitarist, wrong band. Right. Perfect way to describe it. Yeah. I like Cute Little Poop Show. Yeah, that was my favorite.

I like the Mexican, I Want My Job. I Want My Job, so Build the Wall? Yeah, I like that one, guy. I like the Mexican kid. He's a low-key Mexican. Yeah. Venetia, who do you like? There's also Screwed In, Irish Mike, Cleaned Out by the Holy Priest piece. I like the Mexican kid. He's a low-key Mexican. Yeah. Who do you like? There's also Screwed In,

Irish Mike Cleaned Out by the Holy Priest Piece. That's another good Irish kid. I like Jakey's because it is almost a poem. What is it again? Jakey's not a toot, but might crack open

Chris's cute little poop chute. I like the one about shooting so much rope you clogged up the drawer. That was good, too. That's a good one. I mean... We got to give it to somebody.

Let's give it... Because we're honored today to have Bill Burr here, let's let him pick... Shawnee, not so much rope. Let's let him pick a pile. That was the one, Bill? Bill, which one do you like? You like to shoot the rope?

You want to put it on me? Yeah, it's on you. You're going to make this fucking kid's life. They don't get a car. All right, then I'll go with the rope clogging up the drain. Yeah, read it out. Yeah, Shawnee, not so much rope. It clogged the drain meal. I couldn't hear it. I don't get a car. All right. Then I'll go with the rope clogging up the drain. Yeah. Read it up. Yeah. Shawnee, it's not so much rope.

It clogged the drain meal. I couldn't hear it. Nice. I don't know. I feel like I picked a bad one. No, no, no. It was a good one. We laughed hard at that one.

Sauce slingers. Great. Bill, thank you so much. Paper Tiger on Netflix right now. You guys are fucking awesome. You guys are awesome comedians. Stand-up is not over. Thank you, Bill.

Literally, the baton is being passed to you. Thank you, sir. You're right in the is being passed to you. Thank you, sir. You're right in the age where you're going to do the best fucking shit you're ever going to do and you're walking away from it.

You know why? Because you're afraid, man. You're going to start selling tickets in Des Moines and you're going to have to get out of your circle. Yeah, I don't want to get out of that circle.

There's going to be no Greeks out there. I know, man. Alicia Keys didn't write a song about Des Moines. Des Moines, yeah. That's it. I'm ready for the challenge.

I want to get out of this goddamn circle. He's holding a fucking blanket right now. He's already pulling the covers over his head. To be honest with you, our dream, we love doing history tours. We love doing the show. We want to do this podcast live.

We want to travel around and do it live like we're going to do for the New York Comedy Festival. That's our road dates. Don't listen to me. I'm from the old school. I don't know how to do it. You got're going to do for the New York Comedy Festival. Like that's how we sell. That's our road dates. All right. Don't listen to me. I'm from the old school. I don't know how to do it. No, we're still doing it. Here's what you do.

You get yourself a black and white headshot. No, we're still doing it. Staple your resume into the back. Listen, Netflix, Paper Tiger Netflix, Bill Burr, everything awesome. Check me out, christycomedy.com. I got my dates coming up. I'm Star Wars too. I'm going to be in the Mandalorian.

Holy shit. November 11th. That's right. That's something. Don't blink. Don't blink. You'll miss me. That's insane. Is that like a dream'm going to be in The Mandalorian. Holy shit. November 11th. That's right. That's something. Don't blink. Don't blink. You'll miss me. That's insane.

Is that like a dream of yours to get in a movie like that? I'm a sports guy. Yeah. So I didn't know much about... I mean, Star Wars. I knew a lot of... Look at his face right now. I mean, this kid, he's almost...

No, but I'm enjoying meeting Star Wars fans. They're like really fucking cool, nice people. Are you tearing up right now? Mike just shot his fucking rope on my knee. He's fucking tearing up right now. Is that my imagination? Is he tearing up? Because I caught the way he was looking at Bill.

He couldn't believe that he's meeting someone in Star Wars. You know what? I'll clock that, and I'll see you next time I come do the show. If you'll have me, if I tweet about it. Maybe. Maybe. I'll see if it changes. Just give us a retweet.

I mean, you know. Or a favorite. I can fucking move my thumb. We'll check our schedule. Appreciate it. We'll check our schedule, see if we're available. All right. I love, you know, favorite. I can fucking move my thumb. We'll check our schedule. Appreciate it. We'll check our schedule. See if we're available. All right.

You guys are doing. Thank you so much for having me. Thanks. Thanks, Bill. I appreciate it. Thank you. One of the greats.

Thank you, Bill. Absolutely.