History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 94 - Kinsey was WILD!

Episode Date: November 3, 2019

The Hyenas discuss the Kinsey scale! Alfred Kinsey was a professor of entomology and zoology, and later became a sexologist. He is responsible for creating the Kinsey scale, a scale that describes your sexual orientation, because let's be real babe, sexuality is a spectrum!! Make sure to listen to the whole episode and let's see where Chrissy and Yannis land on the scale!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

Oh yeah. Don't worry about it. You coming for Logan, bro? She's wearing a leisure. Yeah. Here. Here. We're starting in a second.

No, come in. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas with me, Yanni PP, and Chrissy DD. Hi. Yeah, now we've, because Mike Suarez, Mike Mush, Mike Emoji Face is still with family So Vanity is in Mike's seat And it's crazy I'm sitting next to a girl

It's so silent over there You don't hear You don't hear breathing Yeah No, I just hear Because if I see you do one more boomerang And make those stupid face with your eyebrows Yeah

I'm going to take two water bottles And throw them at you bang bang I'm sorry I'm just Your energy is making me uncomfortable today I know I'm on a little bit of coke today. Yeah, and Venetia's wearing black like a yaya.

Yeah, Venetia is fucking cute. Venetia, why are you wearing all black like a yaya? Because you want to know why? Because in New York City, it's Upper West till I die, and we wear black because we get shit accomplished. I love wearing black. I know. It's like the New York look.

I can wear it every day in the summer, too. It's just good to have someone here who's secure with themselves. Right. And who's a friend. Because yesterday I had Nate Bargatze in here. And it was tense. The kid's an egomaniac. The kid's an egomaniac.

And then I heard the podcast. And then I saw him later that night at the stand. And I just told him how much I loved him and how great it was for the search engine. Because I just knew that's what he wants to hear. Yeah. So I just. And then I was like, I was with my kid. I just didn't want to be there.

Yeah. Because I don't care. Yeah, just, and I was like, I was with my kid. I just didn't want to be there. Yeah. Because I don't care. Yeah, you don't care. No, I did. I couldn't make that episode because I was with my dad and my daughter. So couldn't do it. Well, we were driving here and I caught Chris in a lie. And then Chris just, his energy got weird and he started yelling at imaginary family members.

Yeah. He was going, look, I don't care, guys. Listen, women. Listen, you guys are fucking doing things. I'm successful in my life. You just walk around. I said, who are you yelling at? He said, I don't know.

Yeah, I just started. I made up another aunt. Yeah, because you lie a lot. You're a kid who lies. It's not that I lie. And then when you get caught in one, you get defensive and uncomfortable. No, I wasn't getting defensive.

Because you're like, listen, guy, you're intruding on my world, and my world is reality reality is a suggestion so if i want to tell you that i was up in poughkeepsie picking daisies yesterday then that's what i was doing that's what i was doing you know what you know what it is i think when it comes with with when because we talk so much we hang out so much you ask me a lot of questions and there's a lot of times i didn't ask you any question the car now you're deflecting again no no no you're deflecting again no no Because now you're trying to find a rationalization for why you were right and I was wrong. Guy, you just said something. And I said, I thought you punched that through.

And you said, I didn't punch that through. And I said, you told me to punch it through. And you said, Guy, there's a lot of people who are going to get hurt. Who are walking around and women, they say I'm not successful. I'm successful. No, I don't mind. I don't mind being wrong I'm just saying

Explaining You're a beefcake Thank you Are we a couple of beefcakes? Are we a couple Are we beefcakes? Cause Zach's a beefcake too Yeah we're three beefcakes

We're just three beefcakes And Mike's a little beefcake Yeah You know what When we listen to this episode later It's really a fucking A toss up about Whose level's gonna be louder

Or who's gonna be You just don't know But here's the thing I love Zach And at this point I just think it's part of the charm of this podcast that it could be better, Nate. Yeah, it could be better. Eat that.

If you're listening to this, it could be better. Didn't work out, but this one's gonna. Yeah, it's like also, it's like who cares? It's like the guy, it's like the kids moving tickets, selling out theaters. Who cares about a podcast from 10 years ago? Look, yeah, and he's got to see. Who cares about a podcast from 10 years ago? Look, yeah. Who cares?

And he's definitely got a micro piece. Have you ever seen him in jeans? He wears them tight. The kid's got a small piece. He's got a small dick? Yeah, just like all of us. And that way, we're all together. See, the thing is, yeah, no, I got my... No, you don't have a small dick.

No, I'm Av. I got an average-sized piece, too. I got a beautiful piece. You do have a nice piece. I mean, you could ask Mrs. Pappas. It's beautiful. Guy, because we're doing so well now, and we sold out Gramercy Theater, thank you guys so much, I want to get my foreskin surgically put back on and then get re-circumcised.

Is that wild? It's wild. And what else is wild is that we just had breakfast, and then afterwards, you were seeking to get a cannoli. Yeah. Actively seeking to get a cannoli. The only thing that stopped you was your impatience on a long line. When people listen to this podcast, they say, chrissy who he is on this podcast here's the reason why this podcast is working out is because this podcast is you you're hilarious and who you say you are on here is who you are

it's what it is and when i say he was hunting for a cannoli at breakfast that's what he was doing yeah because and he stopped because there was a lie. Well, because here's the thing. Here's what... Because here's what happened. So I've told Giannis yesterday, now that we're moving tickets, it's like,

if this podcast is going to work, it needs to get more German. So there needs to be... And I need to get a sex change. Yeah. I need to just come out as Marisa. You need to come out as Marisa, be a woman.

Because if I became Marisa, I think we would have quicker growth, if we just came in and then i just stapled that wig to my head yeah because what if i just stapled it to my head yeah the only way this thing works is you get a sex change i come in every i come in every single week in full nazi uniform and venetia is our mother that's the only we're we're venetia's children and we just have different we're different kids and she's like you're both my children, and we just have different kids, and she's just like, you're both my children. One's a Nazi, one's trans, but these are my babies,

and we moved the podcast forward. It's not going to work any other way, and we are prepared to start paying Venetia to be our assistant. We'll talk to you after the show. Should we do a sitcom called The Nazi and the Trans? Guy, by the way, the rules have been thrown out the window now. Yanni and I saw this five minutes before this podcast on 6th Avenue and West 4th The Nazi and the trans. Guy, by the way, the rules have been thrown out the window now. Yanni and I saw this five minutes before this podcast on 6th Avenue and West 4th Street,

right in the heart of New York City. New York fucking city. We saw a girl who had a sex change to a boy who was wearing a yarmulke. So it's getting kind of nuts out there. I mean, they got full sex change, yarmulke. Yeah. Full Jew, became a jewish man well how did they get into judaism if they were you know what i mean right i don't even think she she didn't

look like or he i mean this is where it gets wild because she didn't look like she was there was she looked like a woman like it was a woman but it was a man but she was like maybe she identified as a man she was getting testosterone pumped through the veins. Or she hadn't yet, and she identifies as a man. She was definitely wearing a yami, and it was definitely a guy who was born a girl or a girl who's a bull dyke. Who's identifying as a boy. Can you still say bull dyke? I don't know what's going on. Guy, you can say whatever you want when we're in here.

It just doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Because I'm starting to also think it's like, why did Jesus make me 6'1", 230 and make me start throwing hands? Let's get to the science of it. Because he wants to start knocking people's heads off. Yeah. Okay? Yeah.

It's like, listen, you beta cuck males. I'm done with you. Yeah. And you're also going to do that to the ladies of Ridgewood if they're walking around smoking cigs. No, I'm also fully ready to get involved in a relationship with a particular girl. As soon as my chlamydia clears up, I'm going to ask her to go out for real. You are, right?

Yeah. So what have you guys been doing now? We've just been texting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, whatever you do, just tell her that your podcast is called stand up with chris di stefano yeah just that's the way it's got to go yeah no she all she fully understands that i that i play a heightened version of myself on this podcast and and it's all a character piece yeah it's all a character piece and that's why that's why two days ago when we went when we went instagram live as the characters from the love sack and i said i I cracked a girl in the love sack, which is true.

I had to be like, no, it's just a character piece because that girl was watching and I'm trying to date. Because I got stomach cancer. Yeah, you do. I do. You have pinpoint pain above the navel. You have nausea in a certain place. You have acid reflux. You have headaches.

You have constipation associated with diarrhea. All these are signs for stomach cancer. Yeah, I'm just a burden on your existence, but make no mistake, I'm leaving the Ridge, and when I leave, you're just, I'm moving Joe DeRosa into the house, and Joe DeRosa also kind of looks cucked out like me with glasses,

so you're just going to have to go over and pretend he's me. So you're going to go into the apartment, you're going to ring on his doorbell, he's going to open it up, he looks like a turtle without his shell on, and you're going to say, hey, guy, just rant at me for 15 minutes.

You're going to tell Joe. You say, rant at me. Make me feel comfortable. Act like Yanni. Rant at me. Yeah, just yell, and then I won't listen. I'll just tell you I cracked open girls that I didn't, and then I'll just make it up two weeks later. And then I'll make it up, and I'll look at my phone every three minutes, and I'll just struggle to pay attention to your long rant. Yeah, here we go. We've got to pay attention

to the format, too. So we're just ranting a little bit, but we just want to say real quick go to patreon.com slash bayridgeboys for more content. We also want to thank everybody for selling out the shows. There may be more tickets available closer to the show date. Keep tuning in. Christycomedy.com for all my stand-up

dates. Gotham Comedy Club, November 29th and 30th. Please go get those tickets. And November 21st to the 23rd, I'm in Minnesota at the House of Comedy. I kind of, I want people to come. But it's like, I don't care. It's like, I want to sell it to big cities. No, just go. But just go. Come to the shows in Minnesota. But really go to Gotham. And go to

yannispappascomedy.com and you know, I'm going to be getting some road dates again because if not, I'm just going to change agents. Your career's starting to pick back up now. It's just, you know, I took a year here where my career's in a dip and I think I really focused on the podcast which was good. You need to. Because your career was soaring this year. Yeah. And my career was

in a dip and then even when I got a nice string of shows I passed out on one of them and had to cancel the weekend. It's what it is. So it's just been that kind of year but it doesn't matter because at the end of the day all it is, all it matters is you're moving tickets. Yeah. And now the kids are moving some tickets. I mean the kids are moving tickets. When you sell out a theater show no matter how big or small it is two weeks before, I mean you're a kid who's moving tickets. And what And now the kids are moving some tickets. I mean, the kids are moving tickets. When you sell out a theater show, no matter how big or small it is, two weeks before,

I mean, you're a kid who's moving tickets. And what he means sells out, what he means is they say it's sold out, but there's still 10 tickets left that we're going to make available in a week because that's how the psychological game works because reality is a suggestion and everything's a marketing sale. Yeah, it's awesome. None of this is real. None of this is real. We wrote-

Benatia's my brother. Yeah. Giannis wrote that New Yorker article from his bathtub. So anybody who thinks that's real, we just got you. It's what it is. It's is real. None of this is real. Benatia is my brother. Yeah. Giannis wrote that New Yorker article from his bathtub. So anybody who thinks that's real, we just got you. It's what it is. It's not real. His daughter calls me Aunt Giannis. Yeah.

Yeah, just shut up. Yeah. And then the situation will say you're confusing her. I'm like, just got another tattoo on your tit and shut up. Yeah. It's just reality is a suggestion, cuz. It is what it is. And for that woman we saw getting into the cab, it's like she's just who she wants to be.

Yeah. You know? It doesn't matter. That might not have even been a yami, cuz. Yeah. It could have just been like something she just stapled to her head today. Yeah. She could identify as a Jewish man today.

Yeah. And that's just what it is. And tomorrow she could be Amish. Yeah. Who am I? Who am I? Cuz you know I used to go to- We're Greek no matter what, though.

Yeah. We don't change. We don't change. Now, centuries go by, we don't change. Venice T is stubborn. We don't change. We don't change. Centuries go by, we don't change. Venetia's stubborn. Greeks don't change. She keeps telling you. She keeps telling me. What does she keep telling you to do? She keeps saying, she's being Greek.

She keeps going, you know, she keeps Venetia, because I'm very familiar with Greeks. And we're the most smartest people on the planet. So it's true. She's right, but she's also not right. Which is another Greek thing. Because Venetia keeps going, and this is the way she does it. true. She's right, but she's also not right, which is another Greek thing. Yeah. Because Venetia keeps going, and this is the way she does it. She never fully capitulates.

Yeah. When you go like, I hear what you're saying, but she'll go like, she'll look at you and go like, she'll just kind of be like, and in her mind she's going like, how are we going to re-approach this later? I'm just going looking at you now to be like, I heard what you said, and I'm going to re-approach it later and try to just going, looking at you now to be like, I heard what you said and I'm going to

re-approach it later and try to fucking smash that wall down again. Yeah. Here's the deal, okay? Yeah, we're going to get some big guests and we're going to put them

beyond the Patreon wall to make some money, but we're not there yet. Yeah. We need them for the YouTube searches because we're using their names. Hey, Nate Bargatze.

Yeah. To get your fans to make us bigger. And then when we get as, and then we get as big as Flagrant 2, you don't have your headphones on. He did a Hey, Bart thing. I can hear it from here. And then when we get as big as Flagrant 2,

we'll definitely fucking get someone on and put it beyond the Patreon wall. But if we get anyone now who has a following, you're fucking going on YouTube. It's just what it is. That motherfucker's going on YouTube. Yeah, and when we start to get really big, I'm going to get us a tour bus, and what I'm going to do is just go full Nazi,

and I'm going to tie you and Venetia to the top with a gun to your head as we move city to city. Like exactly what happened. To my aunt. Yeah, to your aunt in Crete. Yeah, let's just see. Wayne Jones. Thank you.

Jesus Christ. So it's just what it is. Yeah, Jesus Christ. I really believe you might be the only kid in the comedy scene who can get away with the ratio of Nazi jokes that you do. I mean, the ratio of Nazi jokes that we have on this fucking podcast. Yeah, because they're just jokes, guys. I know they're jokes, but we have at least 20 to 30 an episode.

Yeah. Yeah, and that one was about tying two Greeks to the top because when the Nazis occupied Greece, that's what they did to girls from the village to march through the village so the guerrillas wouldn't shoot them. Yeah. And now your charm is the only thing that can pull off such a horrific joke. Yeah. I'm just wearing a bright orange jacket. Yeah.

So you got, yeah. You got no, you got no chest hair. You got, you got no gel in your hair today. You're bothering me today. Yeah. I got no gel. Cause the way I bother you usually. Yeah.

You're bothering me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because what happened was, is this morning i woke up i was like yo yanni let's go pump iron he was like absolutely guy and then i got stuck i got whipped into a fucking greek tornado yeah of just it happens a lot yeah of just complacency but that's why we balance each other out yeah because i breathe a little bit and you want to move yeah i came in coked up yeah fucking i was i was doing i was snorting pumpkin spice, ready to go.

I was hitting fall like the fucking FF that I am. I was skipping to your house. I wanted to pump iron. All the time would have worked out. We would have gotten here at 12. No way it would have worked out. I had stomach problems, but thank God. Your stomach cancer flared up.

And then we realized it was 10.45, and I was like, we have to pump iron. And you're like, we have to be at the podcast at 12. Yeah. So then I had to improvise and I ran a mile. I just ran a mile as quick as I could. And then I did pushups,

burpees, and pull-ups in my house and I broke my pull-up bar. Because you're, you're, you have a full-blown mental illness. Yeah, so that,

yeah, because you were going, we had 15 minutes and you're going, let's go lift weights, we can do it. And I'm going like, you know, I need, because we had 15 minutes, and you're going, let's go lift weights. We can do it. And I'm going like, you know, I just had a coffee. It's like, we got to be there at 12. How are we going to make this work?

Yeah. But in your German brain, you have it down to the minute. Yeah. And I can't live that way because you have a mental illness. Yeah, I'm just like, yeah, but you're like, what about traffic? I'm like, I'll just make the traffic go away. I'll start putting people in the showers. Weizongjian.

Weizongjian. Weizong putting people in the showers. Way song she ate. Way song she ate. Way song she ate. Thank you. Thank you, Zach. Yeah, Zach came with a chorus. Yeah, sometimes that needs a rain down of chorus. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm just kidding. I support everybody. Can we say that? I'm going to Venetia. I mean, we're Greek. We were oppressed by them as well. So, like, we're laughing. Yeah, but I think it's what you said.

Which episode was it? Chrissy just says so many wild... Yeah, you can't even catch one. It's Trump. I mean, because, yeah, it doesn't get wilder than what he just said. Yeah, but I'm just kidding around. You're kidding around, and you just like him. Yeah, it's a character piece. It's just a just said. Yeah, but I'm just kidding around. You're kidding around and you just like him.

Yeah, it's a character piece. It's just a character piece. Yeah, which one's more? Is Wei Zhongxin like, which one's the more extreme of like, we were just joking around. Ladder 14 is like, we got to go to Ladder 14 where it's really bad. I think the chorus of Wei Zhongxin. That's the biggest one. And by the way.

That chorus is funny too when they come raining down like that. Yeah, people are like ruining their relationships and just saying ladder 14 and sending us texts, which is fine and funny,

but like, guy, you know, we're joking around here. Like, we're getting paid to be on this podcast. Don't divorce your wife and then go ladder 14. Yeah, guys.

What are you doing? Just be good people. It's all jokes. I mean, I do it to my wife. She does not like it. Yeah. I'll just say it's a character piece. Like, when we're fighting,

I'll say, ladder 14, and she gets pissed. Yeah. But it's really funny, so I understand why you guys are doing it. Yeah, and she's a Patreon member, so hello, Mrs. Pappas, you're listening. Yeah, hello, Mrs. Pappas, yeah. It is really funny when you tell your wife or girlfriend that it's a character piece. Yeah, I'm fully set in the mood now, and by the way, we're going to talk about, just a little teaser, we're going to

talk about Alfred Kinsey, and he's so wild that, I mean, the Kinsey scale, I mean, it just basically tells how big of an FF you are. He's the original FF. That's what it is. Couldn't have sounded better. Yeah, so it's about, it's really like. If you want to know how much of an FF you are. Yeah.

You got to measure yourself on the Kinsey scale. Yeah, so the Kinsey scale measures homosexuality. So anyway. And by the way, the Kinsey scale. Yeah, so the Kinsey scale measures homosexuality, so anyway. And by the way, the Kinsey scale does not work on Greeks. Yeah. It doesn't, because we're just, you know, our sexuality is so, we're so wild, our sexuality. Like, I'm a man

trapped in a woman's body that identifies as a man that likes girls that likes girls that used to be guys. Exactly. You're a woman trapped inside a man's body that wants to have sex with women who used to be men. Exactly.

Yeah, there you go. It's just what it is. Am I the only one who likes to wear fucking headphones in this podcast? Are you guys too cool for school? I mean, I got no gel in, so it really doesn Yeah. Yeah. Am I the only one who likes to wear fucking headphones in this podcast? I can hear it loud and clear from here. I mean, are you guys too cool for school? No, I can hear it. I mean, I got no gelling, so it really doesn't matter today. Yeah, so with no gelling, how come you don't have them on? Yeah. Can they fit? You got a big fucking head.

Let's see if they even fit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You just feel like you look stupid? No, I just feel like I'm it fucks with my flow. So then take them off. I don't want to fuck with your flow because I'm not here to oppress you at all Yeah I'm here to fucking help

I'm not here to oppress I'm going to be honest Here's what I'm thinking about a lot lately Punching through people I'm not going to force it Yeah I'm not going to force it But I really

I prefer Actually now like wholeheartedly To just have a girlfriend Yeah So I'm going to just pick one Yeah Okay Because it's like Yeah So it's like And So I'm going to just pick one. Yeah. Okay? Because it's like...

Yeah. So it's like... And it's not going to be Venetia because you keep talking about girls you cracked open. No. And you're a fuckboy. No. No.

That's why it's great to work with Venetia because it's just... Because if there was a chance, then I just wouldn't be able to focus. But Venetia is like our sister now. She's like our mother. Well, you just... Yeah, you can't bang out people you work with. No. I bang out Mike Mush before I banged out Venetia. Yeah. Andia's like our sister now. She's like our mother. Well, you just, yeah, we can't you can't bang out people you work with. No.

I bang out Mike Mush before I banged out Venetia. Yeah. And it's just what it is. And I'm fucking Mike Mush might get banged out if we go on the road. It just depends. He might get punched through. The kid might get punched through. The thing about Mike, he's a cute kid. He's cute. He's a cute kid. He's like an Ewok. Yeah. He is a cute kid. He's got a cute little chubby face. So

what I'm thinking is, is I really, really, i i really really really really really just i'd like a girlfriend it's finally gotten to a point now where the energy of messaging everybody back of even dealing with people women coming to the shows it's just it's viscerally i'm done it's truly like i'm totally done i was saying that I was done three months ago. Yeah. But now it's like my body's there. It's like I don't, I don't, I'm starting to get like agitated.

Like, and that's not me. Like, girls, how can I message you back? I'm like, because I don't care about you. Yeah. In like caps lock. But it's really like, it's I don't care about me. Yeah. So I don't want to talk to someone that way because I don't want to hurt anyone.

And that's not who I am as a person. I don't want to make anyone feel bad. But it's like multiple wins I've just been like, what do you want from me? Can't you just wait at least three, four years? What are we thinking? Because it's really going to hurt the comedy on this podcast Yeah, if I can't

I mean, if you just come in and your jaw stays in And I was like, Chris, how was your day? And you're like, it was great Me and my wife Yeah We took a walk And then we did a nice little jog And then we went up and had coffee But here's the thing I make up my wife. Yeah. We took a walk, and then we did a nice little jog, and then we went up and had coffee. Well, listen, but here's the thing.

I make up my whole life anyway, so I could still just come in. When I come in here, I could just say I banged a toot out last night. Yeah. But really, I was just with my wife. Yeah, I was just with my wife, and we were sitting with the baby, and we were teaching the baby French. Yeah. It's not going to be funny. That's another thing I'm thinking about.

For the baby, it's like, how, you know? B-A-B-I. Am I 30? I'm going to be how you know b-a-b-i am i 30 i'm gonna be you know i'm 35 now it's like am i gonna be a 38 39 year old fucking guy just like oh my dad's single and does comedy it just starts to be like and bangs everything that fucking it's a little creepy dms you know it's like it's like what am i doing it's like one of her teachers is like i just want to go on a date with you i'm like what what no yeah no what what what do you mean oh you're my kid's teacher.

It's hard to resist. Yes. We get hit up. We all get hit up. You get hit up on a level that's, you know, but we all, Schultz gets hit up. You know, when you do comedy and there's girls like your comedy, you get hit up.

Let me tell you something. I used to get hit up by Puerto Ricans. I spoke to Andrew Schultz last night. First of all, the kid's fucking was wearing a jean jacket and I mean, the kid's just so cool. He looked like he was a farmer in Montana.

Yeah, but- I mean, it's unbelievable but the kid's just walking around New York City like the cool, cool as a fucking cucumber. Yeah, but sometimes he wears like

Bill Cosby sweaters and he's got a full-blown mental illness. No, the kid, yeah. His outfits are premeditated to stand out. Yeah, no, I'm being dead- Because he's completely psychopathic.

I'm being dead serious. Just kidding. Andrew Schultz, I saw him last night and and he's got this presence. He was wearing a jean jacket, these jeans, and he introduced me to his girlfriend. I'm like, unbelievable. It was so great to see. And then behind him, I thought it was his mother and her friend, and it was a camera crew.

So I was just like, what are you doing? He's like, content, baby. And then he walked away. I was like, you're a psycho. You're becoming Nero. So you're, the rules, I mean, now you're documenting for content your dates, which is fine. But when I spoke to him, I spoke to him this morning, like his energy just being with like one woman and not dissipating it. It's just all one woman, his career and the one woman.

When I saw him yesterday, he looked so calm and centered. And he – even he admitted he was like my success is directly tied to the energy being at one person and fulfilling myself that way as opposed to this. He was like, yeah, it's hard. Yeah, all the girls are like whatever. But it's like people deal with that. Like just don't just don't mess. You don't get that from. Do you know what kind of mess I would be with all the family shit I got going on and all the things that just happened to not be going perfect right now?

If I did, if I was just if I was like I was worried about like 20 girls to not be going perfect right now. If I was worried about 20 girls, too, it's just like... Yeah. The only way that I'm together at all is because of that. Because of your wife. Yeah, and there comes a point where you're just kind of like, we're here to suffer. We're here to suffer. Right.

So it's like, I think men more. I think men... Uh-oh. Yeah. Benatia was like, excuse me? Because we serve them Do you give Do you give birth

Do you give birth You guys do sacrifice But you're Women are They're They nurture And like that's part of their nature We're here to serve women

So in that way we suffer We gotta like You know if there's a storm outside We gotta go fix some shit If there's a burglar coming in We're the ones Who are gonna get killed first You know it's like

We're here to sacrifice For women And keep life going And you know It's like my boy My boy Marco He's just like You know he's okay

Like that To me he's a real man Yeah Because he's like He lives for his kids Yeah You know those He fucks in the ass

Sergio too Like Sergio Should we have to edit that out? What do you mean he fucks in the ass? Did you say Joe likes to do it in the ass? No. Yeah. He likes it.

Yeah. Yeah. He likes fucking in the ass. I mean, a lot of people like, you know. No, but it's just. Some girls like getting fucked in the ass. I mean, the kid's 6'8 with a big Serbian piece. Yeah.

Yeah. He's a kid. I'm just saying he's got a couple. Gave a few girls some colonoscopies. He's a kid that when he snaps. He's a kid that when he snaps. Yeah. He tried to throw somebody out the window.

Yeah. He head-butted me In the face And when he snaps Doesn't matter how well You know how to throw hands You won't be able To get him off you Well because he's from

A war torn savage nation And he's 6'8 And he likes to kick and bite And you just can't Get him off you Yeah the Germans Had a tough time Rolling through there

Yeah no they never Could take it They actually never took it Yeah they couldn't We're going to do an episode Can you make a mark Of that Montenegro's wild And also like

I mean Yvonne T is our assistant She's gonna No no no She's not our assistant She's our production manager Because assistant. I mean, she's our assistant. She's got to. No, she's not. She's our production manager. She's assistant is degrading.

Yeah, it's fucking. And it's also it's more than that. She's our production manager. How she keeps this podcast on the rails. She needs to keep our life on the rails. And we're willing to pay for that. Well,

Ricky Truffle Pig, you're not going to get your greasy little fucking paws on her. Yeah. I don't know why you're saying all this on the podcast. It's because you're Chrissy. Well, we could be saying it's all private. Because Venetia actually said one of the rules is don't talk about business on the podcast. Yeah. And I'm sorry, Venetia. Yeah. I don't know why you're saying all this on the podcast. It's because you're Chrissy Wilde. We could be saying this all private. Because Venetia actually said one of the rules is don't talk about business on the podcast.

And I'm sorry, Venetia. Yeah, I mean, you just can't be controlled. You can't be stopped. I have to pee. Yeah, now that you're going to have a girlfriend, it's all going to change. Well, because it's like, you know what else I'm thinking about? You can't change a cookie, guy. You're a cookie, and cookies crumble.

Yeah, I'm just Chrissy Crumbles. You're Chrissy Crumbles. So this little speech you're giving me? Yeah. It's not going to work. I've seen it and heard it all before. Yeah, I'm back with my baby's mama. I've seen it from you a hundred times before.

I've seen it from other friends of mine before. It's like we're wired to where we're wired, guy. Yeah. And you know what's going to happen? You get yourself a girlfriend, you're going to start eating chocolate fucking cupcakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner And you know what's gonna happen You get yourself a girlfriend Yeah You're gonna start eating Chocolate fucking cupcakes For breakfast, lunch, and dinner It's what it is

There's just part of you That needs to tightrope On the line that is reality Yeah You just gotta tightrope walk, guy Yeah You know what you are, guy? What?

You ever see somebody You ever see Bird on a Wire? About the French kid What? Who walked between the twin towers Oh, yeah, yeah,? Philippe Petit? Yes. That's you, guy. Yeah, you're an FF for knowing his name. Yeah, I am. Yeah. And those

two towers, guy? Yeah. Yeah, that's Ridgewood and Bay Ridge. That's what it is. And that's where your life is. And you ping pong and walk back and forth between Bay Ridge and Ridgewood? Yeah. Tightrope walking the line like fucking Joaquin Phoenix, guy. It's what it is

And that's what you do And pretty soon there's going to be a gust of wind And it's going to take you over And you're going to fall down But while you're falling down you're going to yell And that's just you You're here for a fucking good time Not a long time

And you're here for the joy of people It's what it is You're beefcake and you need to for the joy of people. It's what it is. Yeah. You're a beefcake, and you need to fuel your bottom. Am I a beefcake? Yeah, you're a beefcake, and you need to... Am I a beefcake? What's a beefcake? Because Joey Kamasta called me a beefcake the other

night in my DMs, and I was like, what does it mean? What does that mean to a woman? Because Joey Kamasta's a woman, so what does it mean? Your piece. But like a beef... No, no, but I understand what a piece is. But a beefcake, what is it? It means like you're, does it mean like you're a guy? Thick guy.

A thick guy. So it doesn't mean you're fat. No. No, no, no. Okay. I mean, we're both beef, I'm 210 pounds. So it's like your, beefcake in other words is like a guy who's strong but not ripped. Yeah, you're not as skinny as guys, but he's trying to say.

No. You're fit. What's like a... Yeah. Beefy guys. We take up a lot of mass, and when we're banging them, there's a lot of us. But Mike's not a beefcake. Huh?

Mike's not a beefcake. No, Mike... No. Mike's a fluffball. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Mike's a... But Zach's a beefcake. Zach's a terrorist. Yeah. Zach's a beefcake Zach's a terrorist Yeah Zach's a terrorist Okay Zach is actively Looking like a jihadi

Yeah I mean He's a kid from Queens And I think we started Joking calling him Zach Isis And now he's like Living into the role Yeah because

He said that yesterday Actually to me He was like It's a character piece It's a character piece Yeah I mean the kid came in He seriously Offered to give us A a character piece, yeah. I mean, the kid came in and he seriously

offered to give us a deal on brass knuckles. Yeah. And knives. He still got them. We don't know anything about this kid. I don't know what he does when he leaves, but I know it's not good. I'm fully expecting one day for us to be in the middle of the podcast and the FBI just kicks the door down.

I mean, it's not good what he does. He doesn't leave here and go to the library. The kid goes and he sells brass knuckles out of a fucking trunk of his car. And, guy, don't think for a fucking second when the FBI comes in, when they get him on, I won't tell them that you're 25% Turkish and they'll throw you over the fucking wall, too. I'm getting both of you out of here. It's just going to be me and Venetia. And that's the plan. I want somebody.

Listen. Listen to me and listen to me clear right now. Yeah. I'm about to be crystal clear long day Yanni for you right now. Oh, here we go. Listen to. A little LDY. Yeah, LDY.

Fan base, listen to me right now. Wow. This is what I'm requesting. Yeah. Just the same way Chrissy has requested a pseudo penis cake and it happened somehow. Yeah. Somehow it happened. Yeah, because.

Shout out Nora Cupcakes. Yeah, shout out Nora Cupcakes. If we shouldn't have done that though, you need to and it happened somehow? Yeah. Somehow it happened. Yeah, because shout out Nord Cupcakes. Yeah, shout out Nord Cupcakes. If we shouldn't have done that, though, you need to pay us some money. Yeah, now you gotta give us money. Now you gotta give us money. Okay. Okay, I'm requesting and putting out to the universe

just like you did. This is what I want right now. Okay. At some point, somebody's gonna hear this in the universe who's a coder, who knows how to build video games.

Okay. I want you to build a history hyenas video game okay yeah where it's chrissy and he's got a catapult and he's just launching people over the wall yeah and that's what it is that's what it is and if you can get him over there he gets a point if they land in san antonio yeah they don't they don't get a point i make sure my guy has his chain out and his jaw his jaw and his chain out his chain out. Yeah, and he's just throwing people over the wall. He's launching people over the wall,

and the whole point of the game is you have to figure out the weight of the person and how far you got to launch them. Yeah. And he's just trying to get foreigners out of the bounds of the wall. Yeah, I'm throwing them from Bay Ridge over the wall. Over the wall. You're launching fucking people over the wall.

Yeah, guy, that would be a fun fucking job to just launch people. Yeah, just like sit on this, and then I, guy. That would be a fun fucking job to just launch people. Yeah. Yeah. Just like sit on this and then I launch you. Would that be a great fucking video game? That'd be an unbelievable video game. Yeah.

And then at the end, something like you get to marry the princess like Mario Brothers, like Venetia. Yeah. And you get to meet her father. And that's the top level. And that's the thing. Is you got to navigate her father. And she comes out riding a sheep and it's like a whole Greek tradition.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How great was that video game? At the top level was you had to navigate her father. You had to convince her father to go out with a non-Greek. That's another good video game. That's another good video game. The thing is, one of our fans can do this for us, and they will.

I'm asking for it. Yeah, just do it. But listen, why don't you ask for it? Because for some reason, what you ask for happens. Yeah. Because you're a magical fucking fairy. Yeah, that's what it is. It is.

You're a magic mushroom. You're a magic mushroom, yeah. Yeah, so please make that video game. And here's one thing that I recognize, realize about myself. And then we wanted to get into this guy, Alfred Kinsey, because he's just wild. He's like the queen of the FFs.

I realized that I am using women to fill voids. I always thought it was sweets, and it probably is a little bit sweets, but since I've been exercising so much, sweets are less and less. I deep-throated a cannoli. It took you this long to come to that conclusion? No, but I had to – We've all been talking about that for 20 years. I had to realize it for myself where it's like – but then I start to think like –

You're also hiding the fact that you're a gay man. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a gay man. You're being with all these women to try to, you're trying to screw straightness into your brain. It's not going to work. Yeah. Because you always just go to Google

and you go, show me James Harden without his shirt on. And I know, and I'm slowly trying to become Vanity because the last two times she's come in with black pants and Vans on, and I have black pants and Vans on. So, and I'm only doing it because Vanityia has done it twice or I'm like that's woke and dope yeah I want to look like Venetia um so so so but what I noticed is what I realized and I'm telling you it's like a big thing with this podcast like you know I understand like because

I keep saying like oh I'll always like preface everything with with my career and my work like oh I'm doing well. But I know it's – I always say like, oh, I know it's not Rogan or I know it's not this. But it's like I'm done doing that. It's like this podcast is doing well and we did sell – we are selling tickets now. So there's – so the validation, every time I'm like, oh, but I know it's not this. It's like – because I'm trying to like – I'm trying to not validate. I'm trying to like not give myself any credit.

And it's like I'm just going to go – I'm going to just be crazy any credit. And it's like, I'm just going to go. I'm going to just be crazy credits now. I don't know what you're talking about. Did anyone follow that? Yeah. Even Venetia said, I'm not following you. Keep going. You always tie it up somehow.

Yeah, I tie it up. Because you're confused too, right? Yeah. Not just me? Yeah, because I'm trying to do. I'm on a lot of. You're trying to say something that's not a lie, and that's hard for you. Yeah, and I'm also on a lot of coffee

And I just have a constant itch in the tip of my penis So So I'm just dealing with I'm just dealing with an STD 2 to 22 No I'm kidding You did the crime It's a character piece

It's fine It's um But what I'm trying to say is that It's just piece. I really actually. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. It's so. But what I'm trying to say is that it's just kind of like hit me that like I don't need like it'd be much better in my life to enjoy the success of the podcast and my own career with one person as opposed to try. Yes. With you. Yeah. As opposed to trying to as opposed to trying to enjoy it with all these different people.

So in other words, I'm saying I need energy to actually enjoy this stuff, where I'm just constantly in an effort, because I'm constantly like, oh, my career is going okay, but it's not this. To forget about that, I just try to dive into a woman, and I'm like, I don't want to do that at all anymore yeah it's just like a visceral physical thing where i'm like i'm just done like for the first time in like my phone it's like i just do

not respond to people like even like i would always i would always consider their feelings sex addict you feel like no i would always consider their feelings and and never really my own but now it's like i don't care like if you message me if i was messaging you yeah back and now i'm just not anymore it's like and you're like what are you ghosting me it's like i'm just i don't yeah i'm not going to answer anymore because i can't give the energy to it right i'd rather just try to focus on one girl and then let everybody else just fall by the wayside so you're just going to pick one i'm just going to pick one should we do a dating game on the show so you can figure out what are the fans yeah yeah but yeah so well no she's not a fan that's a good thing oh so. So, well, no, she's not a fan.

That's a good thing. Oh, so you got one already. She's not a fan at all. She's not. I mean, she likes comedy, but she's just not a fan. Gotcha. And she's so funny, it's like hard to take, like in text. But she doesn't want to do comedy.

Right. So it's a little bit like, I get stumped all the time when I'm texting her. Because she'll say something so funny, I'm just like, I give up. You win. I can't beat you. So you're saying you have picked someone already? I believe so, yes. Well, that's good.

Yeah, I believe so. But what I'm getting to is the reason why what really screwed it in for me is why I think, and now she's going to know who she is if she is listening, why I think what the universe came calling for me is when she told me her birthday, which is April 20th, Hitler's birthday. So, way song she is. So that was a joke, but it really is her birthday. And I just,

I don't know, I just really like her now. And I was just like a little bit like, you know, even looking for imperfections. I would do that all the time too. My mind was just like, oh, I like this girl, but she's got this. She's got that. She's got that. It's like people are imperfect.

I'm imperfect. You know what I mean? I look forward to hearing from her. So just go with that. As opposed to the other girls I'm just trying to chase around and have them chase me around that I don't look forward to hearing from. I only remember they exist when they text me. What makes you happy, Chris? What's happiness to you?

Happiness to me? Do you want to know what like a real – like if the happiest day for me would be wake up, it be fall. I want it to be overcast skies in fall. I want to come out and step on wet leaves. I want to be – I want to have on a sweatshirt and sweatpants. I want to have headphones in my ear um non-wireless ones i want to be on the i want to jog to pick up my daughter from school take my daughter to the park push her in a swing go get ice cream from the ice cream truck with her then go eat nino's pizza i'll get

a zucchini slice she'll get a sicilian and we'll need it so i'll just eat hers too drop her off by her mother's house but her mother won't be home i'll just have to deal with her mother's mother yeah yeah so that and then and then i and then at the end of the day i'd like to go on a date with 420 in bay ridge to go see to go see a movie that we both don't care about so you just her name is your i'm just gonna call her 420 number you're doing that because you're german can that's how you identify inmates? Yeah. No, 420 is her birthday. Yeah, because that's how a lot of people were named. Yeah. And also the other main reason, and

so go to a movie with her and then I'd like to be in bed with her by 1030. We can have sex or not. Fall asleep watching The Office and then wake up and see her making me pancakes in one of my sweatshirts. That'd be a perfect day and tonight. You're a 100% Stone Cold psychopath. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Because that would make me the happiest, but if you ask me what would even make me one level happier than that, it's to just find a guy in a glory hole. What happened in my room? Something happened. What did you embrace?

Do you really want to know? Tell me everything. The morning after the nightclub, you woke up on that street, hungover, and alone. You got up and walked away. What's happiness to you, Chris? You never saw Sophia again. What's 420?

420? Her name's 420? Her name's 420. We're going to just call her 420. Yeah. I didn't kill Sophia. Yes, you did, Chris. I didn't kill Sophia Yes you did Chris I didn't kill her You're in a blackout

You're actually living in a Simulated Yeah? What is that? You had a head injury when you were little That was the movie Vanilla Sky That was based on your life Oh yeah

Tom Cruise And now we're gonna tell you the truth now. This is a simulation. None of us are real. What happened when you were little was you were in Woodward. You stuck a popsicle up your ass. Yeah.

You were born a homosexual kid. Yeah. Held you down, put a popsicle in your ass ass That's the real name So let's just call them The McCarran brothers Yeah the McCarran brothers They stuck a popsicle in your ass

And splintered your sphincter Yeah And you bled to death internally Okay But again As you remember Even in your simulation Your mother is magical

Yeah And Jesus likes her Yeah So she figured out a way To freeze your head Yeah As you remember, even in your simulation, your mother is magical. Yeah. And Jesus likes her. Yeah. So she figured out a way to freeze your head. Yeah. And keep you around. Yeah.

The year is actually 14,066. And you're in a simulation from 2019. Yeah. And you're talking about 420? Yeah. Yeah. She's not here. Yeah. Doesn't exist. 12,000 years ago. No. You're not here. Yeah. Doesn't exist.

12,000 years ago. No. You're not here to be happy. Your mother's dream for you in the simulation that she worked hard to pay for every day of her life. She went to work every day to pay for the money for you to be able to afford this program

so you could never know that you were dead. I'm dead. You're in a simulation. Yeah. So you could never know that you were dead. I'm dead. You're in a simulation. Yeah. It's the year 50,066. Yeah. And you are here for a good time, not a long time.

You're Chrissy Chaos. So we need to stop the simulation now and let you know that it's not going to happen. Yeah. 420's been removed from the simulation. She's been removed. Yeah. The girl you like is gone. No.

So get back to what you do, Chrissy. Yeah. Take a black and white cookie and put it up in your ass. Yeah. And the people want to hear you, Chrissy Chaos. They don't want to hear Chrissy relationships. They don't want to hear me talk about a girl. No.

Yeah. Yeah. That was the character piece, by the way. How fucking wild if that was true. Yeah. And was the character piece, by the way. How fucking wild if that was true. Yeah, and by the way, any girl that's listening who's a member of the Patreon

who I cracked open, please don't delete your Patreon pledge if I get a girlfriend. Yeah, it's just what it is. This is all. Because I just banged the fans. I mean, what do you want

me to say, guy? There's going to be 20 girls at the Gramercy that I banged out and girls just need to know now Venetia's got a look on her face that we may need to cackle Are we good? No, we're good, it's fine

No names Oh, we got some new Patreon members Venetia is just, I mean She's literally The way she just handed this to me Perfect She's just screwed in She's the German Greek

Okay, listen, because we have to, because I want to get to Albert Kinsey. I really do. We're 40 minutes in. Let me just read the Patreon members real quick. Can I just read them real quick? Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. These people went to the main charcuterie. They've joined. So I just want to read out some of the names. Obviously,

as everybody knows, we encourage you guys to make a funny Patreon name. If you don't and you're just here for the content, we'll just say you're here for the content. You're straight to the back. Okay, so first up, Jonathan Rosen, straight to the back. I'm here for the content. Next up, Taylor, non-tude, cute, and ready to flute the poop shoot brag. I mean, just give him the crown.

Ten. Give him or her. Is that a him or her? Taylor, you don't know. It's probably a girl. She's got the crown. Taylor, non-tude, cute, and ready to flute the poop shoot brag. Then we got Meredith Pacini.

Now, if you got a last name like Pacini. You could be disciplined. Yeah, you could be disciplined, but you don't really have to make a name. We want you to. But Pacini, if you got a real hardcore sauce monkey last name, then we laugh at it anyway. So, Meredith Pacini, you're a 10. Yeah. Then we got Jacob.

Jesus was just here for the content. Sent his Jew's ass to the bat. Grazer. Oh, boy. Yeah, where's your chief? Where's your chief? Hello got Jacob. Jesus was just here for the content. Sent his Jew's ass to the bat. Grazer. Oh, boy. Yeah. Wait, Chuck Sheehan. Wait, Chuck Sheehan. Hello, Jacob.

You've created some monsters, Chrissy. Yeah, I'm just kidding. Listen. Do you have to understand I'm joking on the pod? Yeah, he's joking, joking, joking. And you don't have his charisma, so stop. Okay, Jacob. Thank you.

Ronald Abshire. Straight to the back. Straight to the back. Fabius Toot with a cute poop shoot Lawrence. I mean, it's almost like they collaborated together for this. Yeah, kids got a cute poop shoot. Yeah. Then we got Chrissy Strong come shooting out a sprinkle dick.

Dead. Then we got Mikey Feral Snow Monkey fumes Weber. Good one. Yeah, people just are putting words together. Yeah. Then we got Joey, I can't believe I shaved my balls for this, dubs. Good one. Dead.

Yeah. Unique. Joey, I can't believe I shaved my balls for this, dubs. Good one. Yeah. Matt. Unique. He gets unique points. Then he said, Matt came for a piece, but we'll end up with Pete's foursome. Yeah. Wow. Ten.

You see, I was giving it away, and there's more. Then we got Jackson Sosa, straight to the back. Straight to the back. Then we got Matt. The reason why he went straight to the back is because he doesn't have papers. Yeah, that's what it is. He doesn't want to be questioned. Yeah. Yeah, you should call yourself fucking. He doesn't want to be questioned. Yeah, you should call yourself fucking Jackson Catapults because I'm throwing you over the wall.

And then here we go. Matt, Chrissy D. cracked me open and ate Lakeside Maple out of my smashed bean. Okay Alright, he won Oh, he won Who is the new winner, cuz? Yeah Alright, so this next person is really funny too But again, it's a blind direction

Give me who? Matt. Chrissy D. Cracked me open and ate Lakeside Maple out of my smash bean. Why? When that kid signed up

when he signed up as a sponsor I don't think he had that in mind but it happened. Yeah. It's just what it is. Lakeside Maple. Go check out his work.

Oh God. Now this next person has got a great name but it's Clyde Drexler. If you have to follow somebody that crushes, you're just Clyde Drexler, you're just in the wrong era.

Because this kid is Justin Joint, so I don't get beat up by Aunt Eileen at the live party. That's a goodie, too, but it's a 10. I mean, it's just

Clyde Drexler. Then we got Mary, one word, Sean, S-H-A-W-N, so that's a Namin. Yeah, M-E. And then we got Witch Hazel Duscher,

10s, Matt, one name, Brian Lanier And then we got Witch, Hazel Doucher, Tens, Matt, one name, Brian Lanier. Then we got Ladder 14's bulldog mascot, Adolph Pitler. Ladder 14. That's another good one. That's another good one.

Yeah. It's a character piece. It's a character piece. I'm just joking around. Then we got Joe, make no mistake, I'm a white fucking kid, but my last name got me. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, he's going for it, though.

He's going for it. Yeah, you're great. Then we got Paulie, cuz he was, he heard in pieces, Ratanauer. Going for it. Going for it. German kid, maybe from Ridgewood. Ratanauer. Ratanauer, yeah.

Okay, so thank you, Paulie, cuz he was. So, well, is it cracked me open and ate Lakeside Maple out of my smashed penis? That's the PPW consensus? Yeah, but the first one was an honor, right? What was the first one again? Just give him another shout out because it was hot. Have Vanitya read it.

See if it gets, yeah. Non-too-cute and ready to flute the poop shoe brag. I mean, that's an honorary mention. The way Vanitya reads it might be even funnier. We should have Vanitya read them sometimes too because she's just like monotonous, you know? Chrissy cracked me open Monotone, I meant to say, sorry Chrissy cracked me open and ate Lakeside Maple out of my smash bean

I mean, it got me good We haven't said smash bean in months I know, I mean, these kids are so fucking funny Yeah, read these quick because we can't be close to 45 minutes in and not have talked about Kinsley yet We're going to be fine, guys We can't talk about business on the pod, I'm sorry, Venetia I'm just nervous because you're sitting next to me. I know.

Lakeside Maple, you got your promo for the week, so that's it. Turn your ringer off. I mean, you're like an old woman. Yeah. Lakeside Maple, you got your fucking shout out. Lakesidemaple.com, 15% off your order. Put in promo code WILD at lakesidemaple.com to get your delicious trail mix baked in maple syrup. Actually, me and my wife fucking eat it every day now.

So I'm going to just keep ordering it now. I'll pay for it. I love it. Sajid Azizi. This kid's wild. He's screwed in. He's screwed in, this kid. Dr. Souls on Instagram, YouTube.

Drsajidazizi.com. Check him out. He's got a YouTube channel. He talks about sneaker history, inspirational shit, funny shit. Kid started being a comic. We may have him on to talk about the history of ass surgeries, actually. I saw him at the stand. And he's an ass doctor, which is hilarious.

We're also brought to you by a healthy smile family and cosmetic dentistry. A healthy, happy smile.com. Dr. Harvey Spencer, Jr., our first inaugural sponsor. Somebody go make a video, get your teeth cracked open and cleaned out. Please, we need it for Patreon content. It'll be hilarious. And we'll put it up everywhere. Nutrition Made Fun, Matt Koch.

Go to Nutrition Made Fun on the gram. Follow his tips. Join his program. Lose some freaking weight. CBDscript.com. That's where you get your CBD oil, your gummies, your edibles, your additives Everything, no fumes They're out there on the island as well

So go to CBDscript.com CBDscript.com Hyenas 15 To get 15% off your total order And finally we're brought to you by I probably know it Off the top of my head 9th Street Auto Collision Let's see if you know the number, do you know it? the top of my head, 9th Street Auto Collision.

Yeah. Let's see if you know the number. Do you know it? 3515300, right? Let me see. Yep. No, I was wrong. 631-3515300, 9th Street Auto Collision

out there on the island in Huntington Station. Anything all car-related, check out 9th Street Auto Collision. Now let's talk about Alfred Kinsey. Yeah. The Kinsey. Yeah. The Kinsey scale. Much like the O'Hare psychopath scale, this kid came up with a scale to figure out how much of an FF you are. Yeah. Or how much of a straight kid you are.

And the scale is kind of wild. I mean, they call him the father of the sexual revolution. I mean, the kid looks wild. He's wearing a bow tie. He's got like, you know, I mean, he's got like, well, he looks, he kind of looks like Ed Gein, that serial killer. He does look like Ed Gein. Ed Gein. Sorry.

So it's like, people go one of two ways. Either, you know, if they got a mind like this, they're either going to, you know, kill and skin people, make them lampshades, or they're just going to say that they're the father of the sexual revolution and just bang guys and girls and be like, it's for research. Yeah. Yeah. It's true. He was actually bisexual himself. Yeah. He was born and raised in Hoboken, just like Frankie Sinatra. Yeah. It's true. He was actually bisexual himself.

Yeah. He was born and raised in Hoboken, just like Frankie Sinatra. Yeah, absolutely. Because you ever go to Frankie Sinatra's house where he grew up? Of course. Are you kidding me? And have a slice of pineapple pizza from Hoboken? No, pineapple pizza's gross.

It's gross, but that's what they do in Hoboken, because a lot of people who live in Hoboken aren't really New Yorkers. Yeah, they're not New Yorkers. They like pineapples. They don't need the real fights. They're not really New Yorkers. Yeah, they're not New Yorkers. They don't eat pineapples.

They don't eat the real fights. But yeah, he was a kid who died in 56 and he was born in 1894. So that's a kid seeing a change. That's a kid being born at the beginning of the Industrial Revolution and living all the way through its full swing. Yeah, and the sexual revolution, which they say started in the early 60s. I mean, he died right as it was beginning. Yes. Unfortunately, the kid just, you know, you get to see.

He would have been, you know, if he was alive now, he would have been like, yes. What I like about him is he became a, what was it, a biologist, and he was a scientist. And he got his PhD in biology from Harvard, and he became a professor of zoology at Indiana. So he was a scientist. Right. And he went down this road. He was brought up a devout Protestant, like a lot of people were. I don't think that was very unique.

Back then, everyone was religious. Right. But what's interesting about him is he went on this quest because he was trying to figure himself out. Right. You know what I mean? He married a chick. They had problems consummating because every time he saw her pussy, he was like, What am I supposed to do with this?

Yeah. And he was like, why am I acting like that? I'm a straight man. So he was basically trying to whip himself into being a straight guy, even though I guess he considered himself bisexual after all this. So he started to do all this research. Right now he just sounds a lot like you. Yeah.

What I'm hearing is Giannis Papas. Absolutely. Yeah. So he went and collected 5,300 sex histories from subjects that he researched. I mean, the kid's a smart kid. He got a PhD in biology from Harvard. He did have a PhD. He was like Rafael DeLuca, except he decided to be a scientist

and not a DJ. It's what it is. Yeah, it's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. This kid's busy because he's doing research while Rafael DeLuca

is available to make whatever mix we need at any time. Yeah, it's what it is. But don't forget, Rafael DeLuca's a sauce monkey, so even though his parents are horrified that he's a DJ,

it's not as horrifying as if he was banging guys. That's true. It's just what it is. That's true. Yeah, it's just... Unfortunately, it's just S-O-K-S. When you're a sauce monkey from the Northeast, usually your father's got a problem with you if you bang out guys.

It's what it is. It's just what it is. It's not right, but it is true. Now, Kinsey, he posited after his research that 60% of teenage boys had some kind of homosexual activities. I'm going to say 100% in my world. I mean, yeah, you know? So this is the, he's the father of the heterosexual,

homosexual rating scale. I've heard of the Kinsey scale before. Yeah, the Kinsey scale is what it's called. Psychology, I've heard of it a lot. So if you're six, you're Mateo. No, we're going to do, at the end, well, let's do the scale. Because at the end Because there's one It's like

You are perfectly described By one of the Okay I mean perfect To a T You're described In one of them So

So anyway This book sold a million copies Went into 13 different languages And changed the world The kid moved tickets The kid changed the world Yeah He really

To this point You know like people He was basically saying like Hey Whatever perversion you have Outside of pedophilia or zoology, whatever that one's called. Like bestiality? Bestiality. Okay.

Is a normal, is part of the normal human condition. Well, that's what I'm saying. His quote was nearly all the so-called sexual perversions fall within the range of biological normality. And that no matter what sexual urge one may experience this is natural normal and acceptable so to me that sounds like a greek idea i mean that sounds exactly like what the greek soldiers used to do that that division of their army what were they called again that used to bang each other in the ass oh man i can't remember at this point what that special fucking group was called but the truth is back in ancient greece was that, but there was also, it was like now.

There was also people who were homophobic and against it. Yeah, it's like you could, yeah, it's all normal, so whatever normalcy means to you, but you know, you are. I mean, this is the truth. This is why I like this guy. It's like, this is the truth. Everyone has some sort of thing as they're developing. People do wild things.

You know, all types of weird things happen. You know, homosexual experiences, thoughts. And you don't get invited to, you know, things. Yeah, so people are finding themselves. And almost nobody is a zero or a six on the Kinsey scale. That's what he found. So if you're going 60%, that's the majority of kids have some sort of thought or something.

And it's just people end up beating themselves up over and over again. 60%, that's the majority of kids, have some sort of thought or something. And it's just people end up beating themselves up over and over again. Yeah. I mean, me and you are two kids who are pretty open, you know, and we joke around a lot. Yeah. But it's like, yeah, I mean, I remember it was a- The lines are blurred with us. Yeah, the lines are blurred. And they always have been.

But I remember when I was a kid, me and my friends, we all ended up being straight kids, I think. Yeah. But it's like, we used to jerk off in the same room. Oh, of course. And we would put on porn and stuff like that. Almost all straight women masturbate to lesbian porn. Sure. I mean, so it's like,

things are not black and white. Sexuality, much like morality and life, it's not black and white, cuz. It's not black and white. Yeah, and you want to sit in LeBron James' lap pronto. Eating a black and white. Yeah. Yeah.

So, you know, it's just one of those things. I just can't believe in the first world, in a free society, that people are punished or judged because what they want to do sexually. Who truly gives a fuck? I know. You know, and it's like the people who stereotype gay guys is like, yeah. Because that is true. Like if you're gay, everyone's always like, oh, that's a fairy. The kid's a weak or something like that.

There's a bunch of gay people. There's gay people who will fuck you up. Absolutely. It doesn't mean you're not tough. Yeah. You know what I mean? Some comedians have had jokes like, you take a dick in the ass, that means you're a tough kid. That means you're a tough kid.

It's like, just mind your business, guy. Yeah. We live in a free world. We live in a, let a guy, if a guy's different from you, let him be different. That's what it is. That's what freedom's all about, guy. Yeah, I mean. And how come you're worried about what he's doing?

You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean. And also, what are you hiding? The kid was a little controversial, though, because, well, the boring one, scientifically, he was saying the population at large that he was kind of his test subjects were basically hypersexual kind of fringe society people to begin with. So it's like he was like, yeah, I'm going to do this experiment on this person. But this person is fucking loose as a goose to begin with. Yeah, that's like putting you in the study.

And then the results are just all over the place. Yeah, it's just like, yeah, you don't count for normal people. I'll just do what I want. I mean, this kid might have just done all his research in the West Village, at Christopher Street. And been like, everyone's gay. But then the other one is that he kept recorded video and image evidence of intercourse between subjects, assistants, and friends. Some of these he even participated in. So he basically had sex tapes.

The kid had some sex tapes. And he had erotica porn from all over the world. And some of it was illegal by the U.S. Customs Service. Like, you know, and some of it was illegal by the, you know, U.S. Customs Service. Like, you know, he had fucking wild porn from, like, Zanzibar or some shit. Right. So there's a little controversy there. There's a little controversy. Because it's a little bit like, is he really doing it for the reason?

There the lines get blurred. Because, like, as a scientist, because sex is so powerful, is it like, are you doing this for research? Or are you just trying to bang these guys and girls out and say it's research? Because he reminds me of you a little bit. What are you going to do? I'm Chrissy Crumbles. Yeah, because you say it's a Greek idea, but I mean, you're a kid who, you know. My kid's violent.

We have to blur out. We have to edit out the last part because I read a message. So edit the part. Okay, great. But I can't just say my kid hits. That's okay. She hit the dog the other day, and I got concerned because I didn't want her to get bit because she did hit the dog. Yeah, okay, good.

So I was trying to tell her, but I can't tell another person's kid. Yeah, yeah, but you can. But we got to address it. You can. I'm fully giving you creative. I can? You can discipline my child. So we have to tell her because I'm her aunt.

You're her aunt. No, we have to be stern with her. Even if she cries and she's upset, that type of behavior, if an adult who loves her is telling her not to do that, she can't do that. Because I can see, like you, she likes to push the line. She likes to push. When you say, don't do that, I see her going like she wants to know why. I was like that as a kid, too. No, because I used to give her timeouts, but I used to give her timeouts.

I used to let her sit inside the love sack for a timeout, but it's like, that's too fun. So now she has to sit in a chair and face the radiator. That's what I do. Now she faces the radiator in timeouts. That's a little too much of a German punishment. Yeah, because it gets winter on and the radiators are going to start heating up. Yeah. Can we find something in between?

Just something a little normal between stare at the radiator and getting a love sack? Yeah. Okay. I mean, what kind of punishment was crawling the love sack? Yeah, I don't know why. Because I've never seen you happier than when you're inside that love sack. Because when I snuggle up, I'm being honest with you. I would say upwards of 70% of nights that I'm alone, I sleep inside the love sack.

I know. Even though I have a bed and I can also sleep outside the love sack, I just like to unzip it and crawl in it. I know you do, cuz. I know you do. I wonder where you would end up on the Kinsey scale. Yeah. I think they would have to, you know, I just like to unzip it and crawl in it. I know you do, cuz. I know you do. I wonder where you would end up on the Kinsey scale. Yeah.

I think they would have to, you know how it's zero to six? I think they'd have to be like, we're going to have to start using negative numbers for Chrissy. He's a negative four. Well, here's what we're doing because we've been

by Misfit and we sell tickets now. We're going to do the Kinsey scale to each other. It's a character piece. But it's only on the Patreon. So you have to go to patreon.com slash Bray Ridgewoods

if you want to hear us get kinsied. Yeah, and me and Chris both have to piss, so we're just going to go at the same time after the episode because Venetia made it illegal. Yeah, Venetia's made it illegal. There's fucking new rules in here, and you better abide by them or you're going over the wall. Christycomedy.com, Janispapascomedy.com,

Historyhahinas.com. We're everywhere, social media. We're having a good time. Thank you guys so much for the support. There's more live shows coming. There's just more shit coming. Yeah, and again, thank you guys so much, especially our fans in the New York City area

who've sold these shows out for us. It means everything because it's our first show, and we're both very happy. And always remember the most important thing is to tell your friends, make hainas a start with the Battle of Crete episode. Yes. That's what we recommend. Yeah.

And then you can build your way to Pearl Harbor. Absolutely. And I love that Patreon members are making a Hall of Fame. Let's continue to do that because some kid did it, and he put the last episode in the Hall of Fame. Yeah. A lot of people, I saw a lot of messages, people saying, Patreon members because they're the only ones who have it.

That's the benefit if you're a Patreon member. You get the episode early. A lot of Patreon members are saying that our last episode was a Hall of Fame episode. Hall of Fames. Prohibition is wild. Thank you guys so much.

Love you. K.O.! Thank you.