History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 96 - Pocahontas was a PIECE!

Episode Date: November 17, 2019

The Cuzzies go wild on the one and only Pocahontas! This piece save a white guy and got sent to England for her troubles. And make no mistake it did NOT end well! Plus we see how Chrissy is going to spend Thanksgiving and which Disney Princess he'd punch through!!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

Yeah. We got Yanni P, Zach, Mike Emoji Face. We're all in here. We're going to talk about Pocahontas because it's Thanksgiving. I do have a short throat because I did eat puss. You did? Yes. That's locas. Well, yeah, you're revving up for the holidays.

Yeah. And you said we're all in here, but we are down one woke dope princess. Yeah. Vanity didn't show up the first day I wore fry boots because she couldn't take the heat. She couldn't take the heat. Because I got fry boots on, but make no mistake, they did hurt my feet, so I took them off. Yeah. Yeah, you got to break them in a little bit.

Yeah, I mean, they really hurt. But because they're fucking. I took them off. They're cute. Yeah. Who's at the door? There's some people working construction in here. bit. Yeah, I mean, they really hurt. But because they're fucking... They took them off. They're cute. Yeah. Who's at the door? There's some people working construction in here. Yeah.

And I need to see their papers. Yeah. Welcome to the History Hyenas, everybody. First and foremost, wow, thank you to our... Thank you to Chris Pappas for dying. Chris Pappas has passed away. Yeah. He passed away.

Full military honors. Thanks. Yeah, sorry. Even Mike got a sad face for that. I mean, sometimes I just go too wild. Maybe I should put my shoes back on. Yeah, you're just a kid. Sometimes you save.

You got about a 90% connect rate. But when you miss, it's a home run swing. Yeah. I would call your misses Vlad. Let's just call your misses Vladimir Guerrero. When I miss, I mean, I fall down at the plate because I swung so hard. And that was just what we call a miss. Yeah, that was just because not only do you, it's not a miss joke.

You go the other way where you go, I'm like, Chris, that's not appropriate. Yeah, what are you going to do? It's what it is. It's what it is. You got an LGTBQ flag on your sweatshirt. It's what it is. And it's also what you wore at one of the live shows. Yeah, it's actually the same sweatshirt I wore at the live show

because when I buy a new piece of clothing, I just wear it and wear it until it stretches out because my butt's too big. It's what it is. I noticed how big your butt was because, thank you first of all for coming to all the aspects except for the, you didn't come to the macaria. Yeah, I didn't come to the meal. You didn't come to the meal afterwards, but you were at everything else.

Well, yeah, because I was just trying to get cracked open by your brother. You were trying to, yeah. Because your brother's an FF for realsies. Yeah, but he's not interested at all. He's not interested. And then you laughed. He's just interested in hating me. That's it. Yeah.

But I did notice when you came up to say goodbye to Chris Pappas in the casket and you stepped up onto the altar. It was real funny because you stepped up and your jacket flared up and then your church lady ass just kind of fucking flung out. It flung out. My LLA. flung out. It flung out. My LLA, lunch lady ass. It flung out. Like, the jacket popped out, and your ass just went.

Well, I turned around. You got a fat ass. I turned around, and I saw you holding in a laugh, and I saw Mrs. Pappas getting really mad looking at you. And then she looked at me, too, and I put my head down. If you were a gay kid, black eyes would be into you. Yeah. You got a fat ass.

Fat ass. No, yeah, of course. of course, be there for you. I mean, it was freezing at the funeral. It was freezing. Yeah, but you know what? You know the lady in the back, she walked up that hill, she almost had a heart attack, whoever that woman was. Yeah, that was Sharon. That was one of his aides. I mean, that lady almost died at the top of that hill.

Sharon, yeah, she's a big girl. She's close. Yeah, she's close. She's close. Yeah, but it was beautiful. The full military honors is kind of cool. I recorded it. No, you should have. Yeah, and I posted it, The full military honors is kind of cool. That was beautiful. I recorded it. No, you should have. Yeah, and I posted it, and some kids are like, who would record this? Guy, it's my father. I'll do whatever the fuck I want.

Yeah. And it's a beautiful thing that I want to keep that forever. Yeah. No, the only- And it's good content, Schultz. And it's good content. Yeah, we're going to subtitle it. That's no gas.

Yeah. Yeah. It would have been nice. Yeah, we're going to subtitle it. That's no gas. Yeah. Yeah. It would have been nice. Yeah, it was nice. It was a really, really, really, really nice service. Patty Flyballs and Deebo Kim was very nice. Bill Burr stopped by, which was very nice. Paul Verzi stopped by.

Yeah, Patrick Milligan asked me if he had a spot. Yeah, Patrick Milligan asked me. He asked me if I had a spot, and I got the text while I was at the military honors burial. Yeah, Truffle Pig showed up, our manager, and started talking business immediately. Immediately. Ali Wong sent flowers. Thank you, Ali. Yeah.

Wei Song Xian. Wei Song Xian. Tackle. That's got to get tackled. Okay. And we're back. Yeah. Yeah.

And we're back. And we're back. Yeah. So just that little clip of Chris's fucking voice. He's got to get rid of. Yeah. Actually, legally, it has to. It has to. Legally there.

S-L-O-K-S. Yeah. Speaking of legally, we got Thanksgiving coming up. Where are you headed? Thanksgiving? Are you going to be at the situation's house? I may just fucking stuff mush in the oven and eat him. I mean, he's a cake.

Yeah. I mean, the kid's a cake. I'll eat you with the slurpee. Is there a chance that you're going to be with the situation and the situation's fiancé? Yeah, probably

with the situation's fiancé. I don't know. I'll probably just take my daughter to Dunkin' Donuts and figure it out. Yeah, that's what it is. No, I don't know. You'll see your pops there

if you go, your dad looks like a guy who likes to spend a couple hours at a Dunkin' Donuts with a crossword puzzle. No, that's what my dad does. Es lo que es. You know what I'm talking about? Like, you walk at a Dunkin' Donuts with a crossword puzzle. No, that's what my dad does. Es lo que es.

You know what I'm talking about? Like you walk into a Dunkin' Donuts and you see a guy who just looks like he's been there for a couple hours. He's got a shopping bag or two. Yeah, no, that is my dad, but not a crossword puzzle. He's gambling money on the games. Yeah, he's looking at horses. Yeah, it's just what it is. No, but maybe I'll go see my pops.

I don't know. We'll see. But I love Thanksgiving. It's a good holiday. It's actually my favorite holiday. And we're going to talk about Pocahontas today. The real story of Pocahontas. And some cute, some brutes. And you know, it's interesting. We did

Jamestown, I think. We did not. I don't remember what we did. I looked through every episode. We didn't. We did something peripheral to her. We may have spoken about it, but we never did a full episode. We never did a full episode. Even on Jamestown, we never did an episode. And we probably mentioned her just because she's a fucking piece.

Piece. Her and Sacagawea will get banged out. Yeah. Ew! Yeah. It's just what it is. Yeah, I mean, Sacagawea. Is that the fiesta who was giving your dad military honors yesterday?

Out of 14. It's a character piece. I always thought Pocahontas looked like Steve Buscemi. You don't like Pocahontas? Look at her. Oh, in this picture thought Pocahontas looked like Steve Buscemi. You don't like Pocahontas? Look at her. Oh, in this picture we have up, she does look like Steve Buscemi,

but in the cartoons, she'll get fucking cracked. Let me tell you the three cartoons that will get fucking cracked by Chrissy D. Yeah, one of them's the lion.

Yeah, Pocahontas, Mulan, which is an Eastern Hamish that should get cracked, and then Nala from The Lion King. They'll get fucking cracked. And also,

Ursula will get cracked from The Little Mermaid. Yeah. I'll crack Ursula. Ursula looks like she gives a good blowy. With The Little Mermaid, I just can't get through her fucking fin pussy. Which one's the one from Frozen? Which one's the Frozen one?

Elsa and Anna. So Elsa will get cracked. She'll get cracked, but my daughter plays with the toys too much so I can't. Because the thing is, the thing is, yeah, I can't even think about cracking them because my daughter loves that movie. Yeah, you can only crack their teachers, not the actual toys. Yeah, just yeah, just crack. It's actual people. Yeah, I can crack the actresses that play Elsa, but I can't

crack the actual Elsa. Yeah, I think I just think on your birth certificate, you know. Yeah. The doctor maybe knew. He just saw you come out with your feet. Like, your feet are shaped like they're supposed to be in high heels. Yeah.

And maybe he just knew, like, this baby is going to come with complications. Yeah. It's always going to be a complication. Yeah. Nothing's going to ride smooth. No. You don't have a smooth ride. If your being was a car, you're more of a Ford Fusion.

Yeah. It's a little bumpy. It's a little bumpy. The shocks, it doesn't hug the road. Yeah. It's a little bumpy. If you hit something, you're going to feel it. But a Ford Fusion, I am an American kid, and that's an American car.

You're an American car, and that's also often the car of the troops, because guess what? FDNY, NYPD, they're always in a fucking Ford Fusion. Yeah, because those are the troops to us, the NY guess what? FDNY, NYPD, they're always in a fucking Ford Fusion. Yeah, because those are the troops to us. The NYPD and the FDNY. Of course the army, but the NYPD, FDNY, DSNY are the troops.

They are the troops. And when you go to Europe, it's funny because all the cops are always in BMWs. Yeah. So that just shows you that that's like their Ford Fusion. Right, it's the BMW.

That says a lot in the difference of quality because what we do for mass consumption is burgers and like shit and Ford Fusions. They do BMWs and croissants. America took one thing from the...

The biggest thing that America stole from the Greeks is the ability to convince themselves they're doing better than they are. That's what America and the Greeks have a lot in common. America starts to say, yeah, we're the best, we're the best. It's like, no, you're not. And it's the same with the Greeks. It's like, no, you're not. But you just have to deal with it.

Yeah. The Greeks... I think the Greeks are probably number one at that yeah they're the al bundy of countries i've said it before yeah it's just that's hilarious they go back to the glory days and anytime you they they're almost in denial about the state of the country now and furthermore about the state of the country, they never really pin the tail on the donkey as to what the real problem is. Which is what? Muzzies? No.

Ways of China. Ways of China. Fucking rain them down. I mean, people don't want to fucking talk about it. Someone's got to pay. No, I'm just kidding. Ways of China is just character. It's a character piece.

That was a joke. That was just a joke. A lot of 14. I condemn all that. Yeah. Greeks will always say, you know, it's the German bankers, international bankers. It's Germany, you know,

because they're pushing the European Union because they don't have to pay. They export so much, they don't want to pay an import tax in all these countries. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. There's some truth to that. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

But the real reason that the Greek economy is in shambles is guess what? Because of who? Because of Greeks. Because everyone wants the benefits of socialism, but nobody wants to pay the taxes of socialism. Do you hear that of Castro or Cortez?

Actually, do you hear it? Do you hear it, AOC? I have huge liberals in my family, and all I watch them do when they sit with their accountant is figure out ways how to tax evade. Yeah. Everyone is a tax evader. Yeah.

So people vote liberal, and then they get into their accountant's office, and then they act like conservatives. Yeah. Because that's, at least conservatives, you've got to give them credit. Conservatives are just out front and honest with you. They're just going, I don't want to pay for this guy.

Yeah. Your mom's just on the train going, I don't want to pay for all these welfare people. Yeah, it's just what it is. Why does my tax dollar have to pay for these welfare monkeys? Es lo que es. Yeah, that's what your mom would say. And liberals would say, no, it's fine, it's fine. But then they go in their accountant's office and they try to hide the money so they don't have to. So it's like, we're all pieces of shit.

Absolutely. So let's just be honest about it. Yeah, let's just be crystal clear ultimately people are selfish and that's why capitalism is not perfect but you got to say that's why it is the best worst system we've had right because socialism does not work doesn't work you can't stifle people's individualism and their ingenuity it's not gonna happen we happen. We're not born equal, okay? Go ahead. I'm trying to set you up for a steel pipe or a crystal clear,

but you just tuned out because you're a kid who just, if you don't have your phone in your ear, you're not doing 10 things at the same time, you're not comfy wumpy. I'm not comfy wumpy, and I haven't still drunk because I ate puss. Did you eat some puss recently? I ate some puss. Yeah, maybe like a week ago, and my throat hurts.

Just one side of my throat. I don't know what it's from. Yeah, it could be from that bacteria. No, I know what it is. It's because I snored. I snored real loud. Yeah, and you got... The baby told me I was snoring too loud.

You got a sore throat, and you never got to part in that movie. What movie? Es Loque. To what you were promised. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm waiting for that time. I'm waiting for that. I'm waiting for any controversy to come to me, and I'm going to let that one fly.

Yeah, you have a Me Too Get Out of Jail Free card. I have a Me Too Get Out of Jail Free card in the back pocket. Listen, thank you to everyone who came out to our first live shows. What a fun time we had. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. It was fucking amazing. We had a good time.

We had the shows Friday at the Stand, which the great Tim Dillon was on. That was fantastic. Go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys to hear that. And that's the only place it'll live. Yep. You know, we like to reward our members of the matriarchy. We talked about Hyena Gate. Yep.

We talked about some of the things. We got close on certain occasions. We got close to the podcast we were not allowed to release because it was too wild. We did touch on some of those subjects at the live Hyena at the stand, which is only available at patreon.com slash Bray Ridge Boys. Yeah. And also our second show, which was the Biggie. Gramercy Theater.

Which the kids moved fucking tickets. We sold that out in a couple of weeks like a couple of fucking pros. I mean, the stand and Gramercy sold out like we were Hasan Minhaj. I mean, it sold out like we had an Indian following. And we're not funny. We just are brown. As look as. Way song shien.

Way song shien. It's character piece. Lot of 14. Way song shien. Yeah, I'm just kidding. Yeah. I'm just kidding. He's a great kid. Yeah, he Yeah I'm just kidding He's a great kid

Yeah he's a great kid He's a great kid Our friend James Did the warm up for him And then he got fired That's low cast Yeah Cackles

Hey Bert Alright I mean you can let that lie Yeah I don't think it's bad Yeah he's just joking He's so funny I mean a kid's revolutionary

I mean he's kidding I'm fucking kidding around Hey Bert James opened And then got fired Yeah hey Bert Yeah The kid He just wanted to know Which sound effect Yeah that's all it is Yeah he doesn't care About his life at all He's like what button around. Hey, Bert James opened? Yeah, hey, Bert. The kid.

He just wanted to know which sound effect. Yeah, that's all it is. He doesn't care about his life at all. He's like, what button do I push for this? The podcast started to do real well and we need it because I'm just worried about Zach's haircuts recently. It looks like he's cutting them with paper scissors. Yeah, yeah. No, his haircut looks like it's medieval

like he's Joan of Arc. Yeah. I don't know what's going on in his life right now, but I'm starting to worry. He's starting to get a little bit of a taxi driver vibe. I'll tell you what. His fucking girlfriend's got cans. That's low-cast. Yeah, he's got a nice girlfriend.

She's a piece. Yeah, she's a piece. And if you guys missed the live show at the Gramercy Theater, it was fantastic. Sold out. Again, you can hear that whole show, the Gramercy Theater, it was fantastic. Sold out. Again, you can hear that whole show, patreon.com slash Bray Ridge Boys. Zach opened up the show with a rap song, and he brought a guy who I think is on estrogen therapy to sing the hook. That's low-key ass.

I mean, that kid, what's that kid's deal? I said give it up for that kid for getting up the stairs because he was tiny. He was tiny. I mean, that he made it up to the stage was crazy. I started the show, but I said give it up for that kid for getting up the stairs Because he was tiny I mean that he made it up to the stage was crazy I started the show and I said give it up for that kid Whatever it was But let me say something about that Come on you can't wait

I support trans and people on estrogen therapy Whatever you want I thought it was a puppet He was tiny That's what I wanted to say The two of these kids made a great song They're two kids from Queens He could have been a puppet. He was tiny. He's a nice kid. I'm just kidding around. That's what I wanted to say. First of all, he's a nice, nice kid. The two of these kids made a great song. They're two kids from Queens.

Yeah, he looks like a little Downsy, though. Just Miss Downs. Yeah. I mean. You hear him. Huh? No. You look full blown.

He looks like he's got a touch. He's got a little touch. Zach looks full blown. Zach, I mean, Zach walks around with fucking hotties, though. Zach's a hot kid though Zach's a hot kid Zach's a hot kid Zach's just going through a poor stage of his life So when you see the photos in his Facebook album

And you scroll back, you're gonna be like Oh, that was 2019 when he was poor He's got poor jeans on His haircut is being cut by paper scissors And the kid just hasn't shaved Because he can't afford shaving cream He made a video from the Home Depot with chancletas and socks on He's fucking selling brass knuckles to make ends meet.

As low as. The kid is getting brass knuckles imported from North Carolina to make ends meet. It's not a happy time right now. It's what it is. Zach is actually at that phase. You remember me when I was doing Bar 4 and I was like 460 pounds? Yeah. And I was poor as hell?

Yeah. Zach's me in 2009 or 8 or 7. It was kind of. I was laughing at, too, in the back when the video was playing you know at your father's um awake uh before you made a speech which is a great speech by the way oh no after you made the speech which is a great speech thank you there were videos there was a video montage playing and there were certain pictures of you where you were 15 16 17 you had the long hair and you look good and then there were pictures of other parts of life where you were like 30 where you just look like 16, 17, you had the long hair and you look good. And then there were pictures of other parts of your life where you were like 30, where

you just look like a fat woman. Yeah. You actually look like a fat woman. Yeah. Where I was like, what is this? And now you're just back to being fucking handsome again. Yeah. I mean, the phases of Yanni are so, we need to put that up on History.

I mean, it's just the phases of what he can look like. Cause I mean, it looks, it's so wild. Nate Bargatze is the same thing. Yeah. Where it's just like, he looks wild. Like, like not like the most handsome you've ever been in your life Is right now And when you were a kid too

I'm not a consistently handsome guy I'm kind of handsome I split the week I'm kind of handsome like 3 days a week And then 4 days a week I'm off It's kind of weird like that I'm like a Monday, Wednesday, Sunday kind of guy And if you catch me on those days You're going like that kid's kind of hot like that, right? I'm like a Monday, Wednesday, Sunday kind of guy.

Yeah. And if you catch me on those days, you're going like, that kid's kind of hot. And then you catch me on other days, I just look off. Yeah. It depends if you clean your ass or not. Sometimes you've been doing a lot, like you come out and the ass is not clean. Yeah. There's witch hazel.

Remember we used to do that? What percentage of your ass clean? Yeah. You were in the fives. Yeah. Well, how come we don't do that anymore? We don't do a check anymore. We don't do how clean is your ass. We got to bring them both because we have so many things cooking, we forgot about it.

Yeah, because we got more mature now. Yeah. Your jawline is, here's the blessing in this. This is the curse of Chrissy D. This is why it should have- Chrissy D curse. Chrissy curse. Chrissy, this is why it should have said on his birth certificate, this is just going

to come with complications. Because the kid, your jawline has never been tighter. It's tight right now. You've never been more in shape. But my ass is blowing out. Your ass is blowing out. And you're just, you're pounding sweets. You're pounding them.

Yeah. Like, you are consuming sweets. Like, I'm off the rails with sweets. I've never actually seen you off the rails. But the thing is, you're Chrissy Contradictions. Because you're waking up at 7 a.m. like you're fucking Apollo Creed. Yeah. And you're training for an imaginary fight.

Yeah. And then since you do that, you give yourself license to go off the fucking rails for the next 17 hours of the day. Yeah, I mean, I convinced you and Mrs. Pappas to stay out late to go have tiramisu cheesecake with me. And you had a full piece of cheesecake. I mean, it was fucking good. And I ordered moochies for the table. Yeah, you did get moochies for the table. Yeah.

But guys, what straight man at one in the morning who has a generally good life says, I need a piece of tiramisu cheesecake right now. The waiter asked me if there was another person coming. He asked, is there another one? I said, no, it's just for me. Yeah. He goes, did your husband just break up with you, ma'am? Yeah.

That's what he wanted to know what you were doing. Yeah. Who walks in and orders a fucking tiramisu cheesecake at one in the morning? Who's not a fucking divorced woman? Yeah. Me. There you go. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're just going off the rails with that. So you're Chrissy. I have to stop. I have to stop. But I did stop eating pizza. I haven't had a slice of pizza in like

over a week because I think I have an ulcer. And a pizza was hurting the ulcer. How did you get an ulcer? The situation. I self-diagnosed. I mean, the situation doesn't help. That's no guess. But I don't think it's that. I think I just, I don't know.

I have to get my tonsils removed is what the problem is. I have to eventually get them removed. And I need an Impossible don't know. Yeah. Well. I have to get my tonsils removed is what the problem is. Yeah, I gotta. I have to eventually get them removed. And I need an Impossible Burger at, right now. Yeah, the Impossible. My blood pressure's low.

I've only had one meal today and it was fucking General Tso's chicken. Do you wanna, do you want to go, do you wanna go get something to eat? Yeah. No, but I mean like,

do you need to go, are you gonna go down? We need to get the nets? No, no, we don't need the nets. Yeah. We don't need the nets. Mikey laid on the floor at the Grammar School game show

and he acted like a net, which was good. And then I called him a human love sack and it got a tepid response. Yeah, but we, we don't need the nets. Yeah. Mikey laid on the floor at the Grammys game show, and he acted like a net, which was good. And then I called him a human love sack, and it got a tepid response. Yeah, but we had a great show. We had a great show. Zach opened it. It was our first live show.

Zach cracked it the fuck open. Cracked it the fuck open. And then Mike bombed. No, Mike, you're okay. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Why? It was just a joke.

Yeah. Usually there's a laugh from Mike on anything you say, but right there he was just like. Yeah, no, I was kidding around You were great No I thought I could make that joke because it was so great Yeah no but the funny thing was So many people after seeing Mike now

Like just Like so many people at the show So many of them were commenting like Wow his face does look like I guarantee you Mike is going to bang a member of the matriarchy I guarantee you Mike's I don't think so No I think they are

Yeah we were trying to figure out what Mikey likes to squeeze off to. Yeah. What does he like to choke to? What does he like to choke off to? Yeah, and I think he's more of a nice guy. I think when he jerks off, it's like, it's nice stuff.

I don't think he's a deviant. You're a fucking disturbed kid. Yeah, I'm a disturbed kid. I think Mikey, I think he likes to jerk off. He used to sneak downstairs And smell Eileen's feet You can't say that

That's low-cast Yeah Yeah It's just what it is I like to step up It's a character piece It's a character piece Yeah

You don't have to cackle that guy Just make no mistake Don't cackle that Because that's a big laugh For whoever's in their car right now When me and the baby Just use your imagination Maybe it's true

Maybe it's not When me and the baby And make no mistake When me and the baby When me and the baby... Just use your imagination. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. When me and the baby... And make no mistake, when me and the baby... When me and the baby start sleeping over your house every other weekend in North Salem, we're going to come in

and we're going to sniff your feet. Yeah. Because the baby does it too. Yeah. The baby does what I do, so she'll come right behind me and she'll start sniffing your feet too. Yeah, and when you and the baby

come up to stay at my house, you know what else I'm doing? What? I'm putting on headgear. Yeah. Because the baby hits. The baby hits. The baby hasn't hit anybody in eight days and it's a good

sign. By myself, I'll take his physical. Is it because Lynn had a talking with her? Yeah, no, it's because Liz is gone and Lynn had a talk with her. Yeah, Lynn just said we just don't do that, right? Yeah, no, Liz, my mom, there's just now, there's just real rules and there's real discipline. Yeah. And it's just,

you know, and it's just what it is. It's like, you know, you want to go ride your stationary bikes, do whatever you need to do, but we're going to take care of this what it is it's like you know you want to go ride your stationary bikes do whatever you need to do but we're going to take care of this yeah yeah i mean it's like whatever you need to do babe like yeah go ahead you know yeah i don't fucking know your class whatever free free shakes whatever you need to do she's going to get german discipline over here okay yeah if i was in the new era where reality tv is so big this era has been around for a little while what I would do is I would just create a reality show called Chrissy D. Yeah. Where you just let him get into trouble with his mouth.

Yeah. And just the show's him trying to get out of it. Yeah. I mean, because every time the kid opens his mouth, there's like just potential danger for him constantly. Yeah, I like to live that way. You just, you like to tightrope walk. Yeah. You're that little French kid between the Twin Towers. That's who I am. That to live that way. You like to tightrope walk. Yeah.

You're that little French kid between the Twin Towers. That's who I am. That's your life. I'm Chrissy Tightrope. Yeah, and when people say, why did you say that on the podcast? Why would you say something that awful about your family members? Why would you make that up? You just go, because did you see it?

Yeah. Like when they ask the French kid, what's his name? Pinot? Yeah. Well, can you just Google it for a second? Just get a Google. Yeah. Because he had the fresh kid, what's his name? Pinot? Uh, yeah. Well, can you just Google it for a second? Just get a Google. Yeah. Cause he had a French name.

What's his name? Cause what they did, the, uh, the police. I want a potato croquette bad. Yeah. And I did an impossible burger. It's what it is. Um, they asked. I want a fucking drink tonight.

Yeah. You want some more brew? I've been on a bed. I want to fuck it. My dad died. I'm sad. It's what it is. I almost jumped in his casket. You want to get some more brew? I've been on a bedner. Yeah, I want a fucking massage. My dad died. I'm sad. It's what it is. I almost jumped in his casket.

You look comfy. Walk me in there. Es lo que es. We both pretended to kiss the icon, though, because kissing the icon's fucking wild. Yeah, kissing the Greek icon was fucking wild, and I got to be honest with you, about 20 minutes into that funeral mass, I wanted to yell at the priest and say, speak English, guy. You're in the United States.

Yeah. He was speaking Greek. He was speaking Greek, and I said, I don't know what the fuck you're saying. Right, right. Yeah. Yeah, George just came out on that. Yeah. I think the kid didn't wear underwear underneath his priest robe.

Yeah. His butt cheeks looked like they were stuck to the rope. I can't take you seriously with the rainbow flag on both shoulders. It's what it is, and I got no chain on my chain's broken. Yeah, well, how did the chain break? I don't know. It just won't connect to the piece anymore. So if somebody fixes chains, you got to come fix my chain, guy.

Yeah, I have a hunch why it may not work. What do you think? Because I think your mom got it for you in high school, so I don't think it's an expensive chain. Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah. She's not going to get her 16-year-old kid an expensive chain. The kid goes to Christ the King and she's a single mom.

She's got bills to pay. She's got bills to pay. She's an HR manager. The rest of her money goes to the welfare. That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. You want to talk about Pocahontas?

I do, but what was I about to say before that? Pocahontas will get fucking banged up. The guy on the Twin Towers? Oh, yeah. What's his name? Who cares? It's some fucking guy. No, no.

We're going to do an episode on him. It's amazing. I saw that thing, but who cares? Have you seen it? Yeah. You saw the documentary? I saw it. He bothered me.

I wish you would have been walking on 9-11. I fucking bothered me. Why? Let's find out why. Because French people just he bothered me. I wish you would have been walking on 9-11. I fucking bothered me. Why? Let's find out why. Because French people just fucking bother me. Because once in a while your real personality comes out.

Yeah. Because a lot of times you have Hollywood padding on. You're like a football player wearing a lot of PC padding. Yeah. And then once in a while just Ridgewood shoots

out of your face. Yeah, because it's like He just bothered me because he was French and he was foreign and I want to catapult him over the wall. That's what you want to say.

Because when I went to Paris everybody was speaking French and looking at me like I'm an asshole for speaking English. Like, God, we won all the fucking wars. That's right. So it's like, I don't want to speak your dumb fucking language. And also now I got fucking fry boots on, so I'll kick you in the face to five hundo. Yeah, that's right. And that kid Arnie who sold them to me from the fry store will get banged out.

He's a fucking little Twinkie Stinky and I'll bang him out. Yeah, he was a Twinkie Stinky. Yeah, I'll stick him in one of the fry boots. That kid had a little tortellini tush. Yeah, that kid had a fucking baby Twinkie Stinkie And I'll bang him out Yeah he was a Twinkie Stinkie Yeah I'll stick him In one of the fry boots That kid had a little Tortellini tush Yeah that kid had a Fucking baby tortellini tush

Yeah Felipe Petit Felipe Petit That's you That's your life You're a kid Who's tightrope walking Between two towers And when the cops

Asked Felipe Petit Why he would do that He goes This is such an American Question to ask Why Did you see it And that's you That's what it is.

And they say, Chrissy, why would you say that? Why would you make those things up and cause such problems for yourself? You go, did you see it? Yeah. You see how fucking wild it is? Yeah, and shout out to the guy who DM'd me. I won't reveal his name, or maybe I will. Shout out to the guy who DM'd me who asked me if the Father Bill stuff

was true. That's the kid who got touched. And I was like, oh, it's just a character piece. And he goes, well, whenever you want to actually talk about it, let me know. He said, just know that there's other brothers that went through what you went through. And I'm like, yeah, I made the whole thing up. It's a character piece. It's just what it is.

Look, even if we didn't make it up, you're never going to know. Because we're just going to tell Zach to press the character piece button. So that's the brilliance of our podcast. We're a couple of tightrope walkers and we're a couple of FFs. Yeah, and news travels quick because I lied at the Gramercy Theater show and said that 420 was cheating on me in Italy, which wasn't true. And then I met 420. I talked to 420 this morning on FaceTime and she said somebody was at the show and knows who she is as a fan and asked what happened.

Are we still together? So it's just kind of getting wild. Yeah, it's just inevitable. I mean, you being in a relationship or somebody taking you seriously is like going to watch a guy at a rodeo. Right. You're on a horse.

Yeah. And we all know eventually you're falling off that horse. It's what it is. We're just watching to see how long you stay on. Yeah, but enjoy the ride. Enjoy the ride while it's here. Yeah. So thank you for everybody coming out to our live shows.

They were a big hit. They truly were. Fucking sold out. You can get both episodes only on Patreon. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. We have also hit a thousand Patreon members. So you know what that means. That means look at me. I'm Sandra D The video star

Of Chris DiStefano And me Mike Emojiface And Zach Isis As Frenchie And the rest of those Fucking twats Is coming soon

It's coming soon I can't wait to Fucking put on One of my mom's nightgowns It's gonna be real funny When you turn around Cause it's gonna be From the back

With your blonde hair And then you turn around And it's just gonna You If you were a trans kid, Yeah. it would just, how could it not be funny?

Yeah, I have a picture of me dressed as a woman. You never saw that? it's really funny because you don't, you just, I could,

you don't have soft features. I could pull it off. Yeah. I, like, if I started taking, You're mostly estrogen. I'm mostly estrogen anyway.

Yeah. So if I just filled in the rest of the 50%, Yeah. I'd be bangable. Yeah. You could never get rid of that fucking

Cro-Magnum forehead. I can't do it. You have, every European person of European descent, we've talked about before, has about 1-5% or 2-5% Neanderthal DNA.

Yep. You got five. Yeah. You went the full five. I got Neanderthal head. Yeah. Yeah. And Zach has five

when he's poor and when he gets rich he's going to look down at two. Yeah, it's just what it is. I mean, the kid looks like he's been fucking, he looks like he is Saddam Hus look down at two. Yeah, it's just what it is. I mean, the kid looks like he's been fucking... He looks like he is Saddam Hussein's butler

in the cave. It's what it is. And he's wearing a lot of... He's wearing a lot of 14 shirts. He is. It is what it is. We're just kidding. Well, we are...

Well, we're not because Benatista D-Bell checked your inbox. So... This show is fucking wild. It's wild, but who cares? Listen, we also got, Giannis, you have Gotham Comedy in February.

What's the next date you got coming up? Yeah, I got February. Hopefully we'll fill that in, but for right now, it's just New York, New Jersey. You catch me at Gotham, and then you can catch me at Uncle Vinny's. Go to GiannisPappasComedy.com. I'm going to start promoting those big. We're going to go big, and Mike Su can catch me at Uncle Vinny's. Go to yannispappascomedy.com. I'm going to start

promoting those big. We're going to go big and Mike Suarez will be with me for both shows. Yes. And you never know when Chrissy's going to pop in

and you never know when we're just going to fucking, we're just going to have a sword fight where our penis is on stage. Well, yes. You can,

for my shows, you can go to chrisdcomedy.com. I got Gotham Comedy Club on November 29th. November 30th is just sold out. And then in January, January 2nd to the 4th, I got the Denver Comedy Works.

And also, sorry, November 21st to the 23rd, House of Comedy in Bloomington, Minnesota. So go get those tickets. And, of course, HistoryHienas.com for all our merch and everything. And you can go play Chrissy Whack-A-Mole on HistoryHienas.com now. Yeah, and you can go play Chrissy Whack-A-Mole on HistoryHyenas.com now. Yeah, and you can go play Chrissy Whack-A-Mole on HistoryHyenas.com. And Mike Suarez, a.k.a. Mike Emojiface, will be opening up for me at Gotham Comedy Club on November 29th and 30th. And maybe Sergio Chacon, Blizzyface. I forgot if I booked him or not.

You can't remember. It's just what it is. She hasn't put it up yet, the Whack-A-Mole? You can press Zach's buttons, right, still? Yeah, we still do those. Yeah, and... Yeah, we still do those. Yeah, and... Yeah, it's a character piece. Yeah, well, pretty soon she's going to put up

Chrissy Whack-A-Mole where you can play a game and Chrissy pops up and you click the button. It's fun. She's the best. Yeah. It's awesome. Tony Cassis, we love you. Yeah, so let's go to Pocahontas

because now our Truffle Pig manager wants to start getting 10%, so there's a new schedule. So it's just not going to touch the Patreon, never. It's what it is. Guys, thank you. The Patreon, that pays our production costs. The more money you get, the more

Chrissy wants to be here. We're able to do this podcast so much more now because we've got to pay for studio time and we've got to pay the sound people. There's a lot of costs that come out, so we're not pocketing any money. The trips that Giannis and I are going to be going on to Aruba was paid for by somebody else. It's lying to you.

I'm kidding. No, but while we're here, I just want to give a shout out to we have a new fucking general business sponsor. So thank you for joining. Our first one, of course, course is tank sinatra the great tank sinatra tanks good new tanks good news is the instagram yeah go to tanks good news follow tank sinatra yeah small business support owner and now we just got a second one james altucher um who's um who's like he's the first like bitcoin millionaire yeah um he's a famous guy like he's the first like bitcoin millionaire yeah um he's a famous guy well-known guy he owns stand up stand up new york uh uh uptown yeah i've heard him on the tony robbins podcast and he was so much

uh genius ways about how to invest money and he's like a he's a venture capitalist he's a screwed in screwed in kid and he's now a small business supporter so it's like we got screwed in we got screwed in fucking kids all over giving us 500 a month i mean what's your excuse yeah what's your excuse because now we're fucking moving tickets yeah and we got a lot of people listening we got about a hundred thousand people listening why not it's from the new yorker magazine so we got about a hundred thousand people listening so if you're a small business sponsor go to patreon.com slash bay ridge boys sign up me and chris are going to make personal videos for you put them all over our social media.

And now you're an official sponsor of the History Hyenas, and you're going to get your ad read every episode. Yeah. Yeah. Does James want to talk about Stand Up New York or just himself? We don't know yet. I don't know yet. He just joined today. We're giving him an early shout out.

Yeah. No. Yeah. All right. Yeah. No, but thank you. Thank you, too. Yeah.

We're at 100,000 downloads. But Stand Up New York is the club he owns It's one of the best comedy clubs in the world Absolutely Let's talk about Pocahontas We've all seen the animated movie We've all seen the animated movie I haven't

Giannis' rule of course is because she's A little dark in complexion that she does have fumes And there's no way around that That's not my rule I don't know where you're making it up she's a little dark in complexion, that she does have fumes. And there's no way around that. Fumes. That's not my response. Yeah, I don't know where you're making it up. I'm trying to tell you, Chris, you remember the first couple episodes where we were just going wild, wild, wild, wild, wild?

Yeah. Now we're a little more buttoned up. Okay. Now we're trying to distance ourselves from the original meanings of everything. Yeah. So fumes just means is she a good person or a bad person? Okay, yeah. Yeah.

So Pocahontas has no fumes, no fumare, but I guess Pocahontas is a very controversial figure because it depends on, some people think she was a traitor, right, Mike? Absolutely. Absolutely they do. Also, Native Americans don't have body hair, so I don't know if they'd have fumes. Oh, really?

No, they have no fumare. Because, see, he's more accurate. My actual theory was it's all about the hair. And as a matter of fact, you know what I think? Water, water. I take it back. I take it back. There's no way that Pocahontas had fumes because she's a Native American, and that means she

was the first American citizen. So if you're an American, you don't have fumes. That's the school. No fumes. Exactly. School of Chrissy D right there. She's fucking red, white, and blue. Because if you were a history teacher, kids would love you.

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. So she has no fumare. She has no fumar. She has no fumar. She was part of the Mattaponi tribe, which meant the people of the river. And that's exactly how they pronounced it, too. The Mattaponi.

It was like, listen, we're Native Americans and we're part of the Mattaponi tribe. Yeah. And say when she was born. Yeah, she was born in Wero, Wacomoco, Virginia. Yeah. That's lo que es. There should be a podcast where kids from New York just say fucking foreign stuff. Yeah.

It's not even foreign. Wero Wacomoco, Virginia. Well, I mean, but it's named after a Native American thing. Yeah. Yeah, her name. She's from Wero Wacomoco, Virginia. She died at 21. I mean, she was a young kid when she died, but she got banged out by John Smith when

she was a kid. That's the thing. Another uncomfortable truth. It's like, I'm watching the cartoon with my daughter. John Smith is a jacked white guy. You know, of course, they make him a villain at some point. He does fucked up shit. And then Pocahontas is this young, beautiful girl.

But none of that's true. The truth is that if she did get banged out, she was probably like 14 years old. And it's just S-O-K-S. Was the episode we did on John Rolfe? It might have been on John Rolfe. We never did anything. We did. There's James Rolfe.

That's who she actually married. Yeah, we did. No, his name was John Rolfe. John Rolfe, sorry. Yeah, and I think we did the episode on Plymouth, or we did it on Tobacco. Tobacco! Tobacco might have been it. Tobacco was wild, and that's why we talked about Pocahontas, because we talked about

John Rolfe, who was her husband. Right. Who disciplined her. Yeah, because if the corn was overcooked, she got disciplined. It's what it is. By myself, I'll take you physically. Yeah, her nickname Pocahontas was the playful one. She's probably a fucking young little piece coming out of that teepee.

I would love to see you in a little Native American skirt dancing around a fire. 1,500 Patreon members. I'm going to reenact. I'm going to be Pocahontas dancing around the fire. We're just figuring it out. That's what it is. There we go. Write it down, Mikey.

1,500. I'll join you. Me and Chrissy will hop around. Four of us, right? Yeah, we'll all dance around. We'll all dance around, but Chrissy will- And then we'll skin-vent a T his head. Yeah.

Scalper. See, that's when the German comes out. Oh, sorry. Yeah, that's the the German comes out. Oh, sorry. Yeah, that's the Hessians deep in you. That's the fucking Hessians are sick kids. I'm going to shave somebody's head. Yeah, you're a fucking sick, disturbed German kid. I'm disturbed.

But Chrissy will dress up as Pocahontas, and I'll dress up as John Rolfe, and I'll bang him out. It's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. That's for $2,000. For $1,500, we're dancing around a fire. For $2,000, he's getting fucking banged out. Yeah. It's what it is. Yeah. That's for $2,000. For $1,500, we're dancing around a fire. For $2,000, he's getting fucking banged out. Yeah.

It's what it is. Yeah, we're going to get Mike to open his ass on a webcam for $2,000. Oh, sorry. What is up with the fucking open ass? Sorry. We're trying to get McDonald's to sponsor us. Oh, yeah, that's right. Sorry.

I love McDonald's. Yeah, I love them. If the Love Sack doesn't start giving us fucking money, we're just going to start calling it live from the beanbag. Yeah, live from the beanbag. Yeah, I mean, do you know how much love we're giving Love Sack doesn't start giving us fucking money, we're just going to start calling it live from the beanbag. Yeah, live from the beanbag. Yeah, I mean, do you know how much love we're giving Love Sack? Yeah. People send me Love Sack at the Love Sack store almost every day.

I know. If you don't fucking, if Love Sack, if you don't start paying attention to what's going on and sponsoring this podcast, we're going to start calling it a Snuggie. Yeah, we're going to start calling it a Snuggie, or I'm just going to say live from the Nut Sack. Yeah, live. And I'm just going to press the fucking button and put it on my sack. It's what it is. It's Snuggie. Yeah, we're going to start calling this Snuggie. I'm just going to say live from the nutsack. Yeah, live. And I'm just going to press the fucking button and put it on my sack. It's what it is. It's Snuggie-esque. I think it's hilarious you don't have your shoes on because they hurt.

Yeah, I got no shoes on because they just hurt on my feet. You're a real working girl. I'm a working girl. Yeah. You know what? Actually, can we just make a little addendum? Yeah. Can we just make a little addendum?

You shouldn't know the word addendum. Just a little addendum to the- You made it big word addendum. Just a little addendum to the... You made it big in the city. To the Pocahontas one. At $1,500, instead of Pocahontas, this is just... I know if Venatina was here, she'd be yelling at us that we're talking business on the show, but just real quick, what about instead of that, we just do a photo or we reenact the scene where I can be Joey Robertson, Pretty Woman, and you be Richard Gere?

That's even better. Pretty Woman. Pretty Woman. Can we do that? That's what we'll do. Yeah. Yeah. And I'll be... Big mistake. Yeah, huge's even better. Pretty Woman is even better. Can we do that? That's what we'll do. Yeah. Huge big mistake. Yeah, huge big mistake.

Or we do the scene where we talk money. I just want to be in that blue skirt with the white shirt. Or I want to just be snuggling with you in the bathtub. We're going to reenact something from Pretty Woman, though. A scene from Pretty Woman where I'm Julia Roberts and you're Richard Gere. Even better. Yeah. Even better.

Okay, we'll do that one. So which scene, though? Because I'm not... We'll figure it out Richard Gere. Even better. Yeah. Even better. Okay, we'll do that one. So which scene, though? Because I'm not... We'll figure it out. We'll figure that out. We'll figure it out. Yeah. Or we could just do a montage because we do have to do a scene where he gets to say,

Big mistake, huge. Yeah. Yeah. I said it at the live podcast and it was hit. Yeah. All right. You don't make sense, cuz. You don't make sense.

I know. You like baseball, too? I like baseball. So you like sports and pretty women? Yep. You don't make sense. Yep. You don't make sense. Yep. You don't make sense.

And that's why sometimes I feel like you just need to get fucking squeezed down. Yeah. You need to be put there. People should not be walking around who like baseball and pretty women. It's just what it is. There should be nobody who knows the starting lineup of the New York Yankees and also pretty women word for word. Yeah. That shouldn't be a thing.

That shouldn't be a thing in this world. It's what it is. Okay, but you exist and that's why you're a threat to order. You're a threat to order. Yeah. I mean, you defy society. You're defying gender norms and you're making me uncomfortable and I need to take you up to a hill and squeeze a fucking bullet in the back of your head.

You need to be put down like a mad dog. Yeah, the other day. I need to put you down like Lenny and squeeze a fucking bolt in the back of your head. Yeah, the other- You need to be put down like a mad dog. Yeah, the other day- I need to put you down like Lenny from Mice and Men. Yeah, I was watching Pretty Woman and I was- We're squeezing puppies. I was eating some of my

daughter's Lunchables and Heineken. Yeah. That's not good. Yeah, you don't make sense. I don't make sense. Yeah, you don't make sense. But it's just what it is, right?

You don't make sense. What can we do? I got rainbow flags on my shoulders. I'm ready to suck cock. And you don't have your shoes on. And I got no shoes on

and my feet don't have- I don't have any fumade. You have no- Because you have rainbow flags on my shoulders. I'm ready to suck cock. And you don't have your shoes on. And I got no shoes on. And my feet don't have, I don't have any fumade. You have no, because you have no hair on your body. Yeah. And Irish kids don't have any hair on my body. So maybe that's, it's really about the hair. Now, hair smells. Because every time.

So Mike has fumes. Every time I've had a problem going down on a girl, I think it's like the fumes are from the hair. Yeah, the hair. Because any time it's like there's no hair there, you ever notice that? Or is that just me? I don't know. There's no fumare.

Right? Any time I go down there, I can't even smell because I just get strep. You get strep immediately. So I just have to take antibiotics immediately. That's what it is. Yeah, and you never got that role in a movie. That's what it is. That's locale.

Come at me. So the reason why Pocahontas is so well knownknown is because Jamestown, Virginia, the first settlement, she played a big part in that. The tribe that she was from was right on the outskirts of Jamestown. So she was the daughter of the— She was kind of like the situation that she had just a couple of white guys around her. Yeah, yeah. It was like John Rolfe and John Smith. There was just a couple of John Does.

She had to be hot. She had babies with a few guys. With a few guys. Yeah, the was like John Rolfe and John Smith. There was just a couple of John Does. She had to be hot. She had babies with a few guys. With a few guys. The great Powhatan chief was her father. He ruled over a lot of these tribes in the Chesapeake area. That's kind of where Jamestown area was.

Some people say that Pocahontas could have been about 10 years old when John Smith and the other colonists arrived in I think it was called Tessinacoma. It's hard to pronounce. Or it might be, the T might be silent. Senecomoca. Senecomoca in 1607. Yeah, just call it savage territory in the spring of 1607.

Way back in the day. Zach's here today. Yeah, thank you. But what age was she when she got banged out, like 13, 14? Well, I mean, she died at 21 she When she got banged out Like 13, 14 Well I mean she died at 21 So she got banged out Like 13, 14 She might have been 13, 14

God that was She got married at 17 Married at 17 She was apparently Never actually involved With John Smith Yeah She was just John Roll

So where did the John Smith She saved his life So why is she banging out John Smith in the cartoon She probably banged him out I mean Yeah Off the record

Probably Probably banged him out But I mean, off the record, probably. Probably banged him out, but she saved him. Yeah. Well, they say that she may not have. The story is that he was going to get executed, and then she stood up for him. Now they say, well, they actually were just having a conversation about the settlement,

and she didn't actually save him. This is a better story that way. Right. She's really become myth. Yeah. She's really, she's really become myth. Yeah. She's like America's Jesus. And even John Smith is more of a myth. They're not sure that he could have been an English soldier,

an explorer, a governor. They don't know. Like, even John Smith is like, you have to understand, in the 1600s, like, it's still hard. I mean, it's 1607. Yeah. So it's like, it's just hard to document anything

and to survive that long. You know what would be a funny history Us Weekly segment? What? You know in Us Weekly they always do those things like couples at the store or couples with an age difference. Right. They always do that one. History couples with an age difference would be hilarious in history

because it would be like King John II, 62. His wife, Victoria III, 14. Yeah. Or 8. Yeah, because the kid was 27. She was like 12. John Smith was 20. If they did bang out, John Smith was 27 and she died at 21. So she might have met him

when she was 10, 12, 13. And how old was John Rolfe? John Rolfe was like, you know, I think he might have been about 27, 28. So it's not like he was so old. So it's basically pedophilia back then was okay. It all was. That's all it was, you know?

I mean, society is the ones, society, you know, nowadays, I mean, the age of consent has to be what it is. But it has to be what? But back then it was more primitive, you know? Yeah, because look. Girls' period came down. They were like, oh, she's ready, which is horrifying to think about. But it makes the mind but back then it was more primitive you know yeah because look girls period came down they were like oh she's ready which is horrifying to think about but it was the truth we were closer to the animal we all were closer to the animals there were certain points in history where we really climbed out of that the renaissance sort of ancient greece well no i'll tell you well we're gonna we're gonna talk about we're gonna talk about this um in a future episode because i'm just reading the books now but i'm reading all about the crusades And it was really the Crusades is what these scholars are saying, is that when we went

from animal to like using perfume, showering, it was like back in the Crusades times and like when the first Crusades in like the 10s, 11th, 12th century, they would bathe maybe once a month. Let's just say it. That's the first great rivalry in sports history. Yeah. Muzzy's versus Christians. Muzzy's versus Christians. It's the Yankees and Red Sox of history. Yeah. It's just say it. That's the first great rivalry in sports history. Yeah. Muzzies versus Christians. Muzzies versus Christians.

It's the Yankees and Red Sox of history. Yeah. It's what it is. Yeah. That's a good clip. Cut it there. Yeah. Yes, Lucas.

So, yeah. So we'll get all into that in a future episode. But, I mean, the Crusades are so fucking fascinating so far. But, yeah, they used to, I mean, part of giving your daughter away at that point was to get her out of your house and have something traded for her, like a donkey or a couple of chickens. Yeah, it was all business back then. It was like, you know. And let's just be honest. The Native Americans got ripped the fuck off.

They did. They got ripped off. They just didn't know what they were doing. I mean, these kids sold the island of Manhattan for like 20 bucks. I mean, yeah, they really got ripped off. I mean, what are you going to do, you know? I mean, I'd be like, yo, Indians, you guys need new management. Yeah, that's what it is. You need the truffle pick. Yeah, you need the truffle. I mean, what are you going to do? I'd be like, yo, Indians, you guys need new management. Yeah, that's what it is.

You need the truffle pig. Yeah, you need the truffle pig. That's no good. If the Native Americans had the truffle pig, they would have got more land. Yeah. They just have bad representation. Yeah, they would have got more land than just, you would have tried to get them a sitcom. Yeah.

Your career, they're funny kids. They just had the wrong management. It's what it is. Yeah. They say that part of that is that they didn't understand the concept of ownership, right? Well, and even like, you know, it seems like so horrible, like what father would ever do that,

sell their daughter off now, or very few, like there would be no scenario where I could think of even doing that, but you gotta understand, back in the day, again, no excuse, but it's just different, you know, children had an 80% mortality rate, so it was very, you become desensitized to how much you, I mean, you love your but it's just different. You know, children had an 80% mortality rate. So it was very, you become desensitized to how much you,

I mean, you love your children, but it's like most people had, they dealt with, it was very common for everyone in the village to deal with dead kids. So it's like they started looking at them as valuable assets for the family. It was understood. That's why religion became so important because, you know, back in these times, it's like your existence was so miserable. So what could you do?

You could say, well, there's an afterlife and there's this kingdom in heaven that I will go to and I will see these people again if I make the right moves here on earth. So it's easier now to not have religion be so prominent in your life because things are good on this planet. But back then, they weren't.

Everybody was dying. There was disease, was disease famine war all that stuff so religion the idea of a kingdom and religion and separating from your you know selling a daughter into slavery to make money was kind of okay because you believed i'm gonna see my daughter in the afterlife and be with her in eternity anyway right it was just a lot more brutal a lot more harsh even pocahontas died at 21 years old from some unknown... They said it could have been smallpox,

it could have been tuberculosis, it could have been poison. You really don't know. She just got gravely ill. Cuz, don't forget, back in the day, if you caught a fever, you could have been dead.

Right. Like a fever... There's nothing to help you. Right. You know, people are like, oh yeah, it's just a fever. Get over it in two days. Yeah, because you're

taking medicine. Right. You know what to do. It's like, back in the day, think about there's nothing to help you. People are like, oh, yeah, it's just a fever. Get over it in two days. Yeah, because you're taking medicine. You know what to do. It's like back in the day, think about there's nothing to help you. Your brain boils and you die. Okay? That's what happens. And even there was a high mortality rate amongst mothers too, not just the children. Sure.

It was like Pocahontas' mother died. So she died in childbirth. Giving birth. So, yeah. birth. So, yeah. And I would probably surmise that Pocahontas died from some bacteria or virus she was exposed to going to England. Because that's the amazing thing about her. That's why she became this star of history is because she actually went to England, converted to

Christianity, and then was put on display as this civilized as they used to call in history, quote unquote, the old English expression or colonial expression, noble savage. Yeah. So she was shown off as this noble savage. She was exposed to, because white people, let's just say this about white people in history. Let's say it and say it loud.

Let's say it and say it loud. Dirty fucking kids. Yeah. I mean, dirty kids. Dirty kids. Carried a lot of germs and had much fumare. Dirty kids, but without us, you're not going to get anywhere. Okay.

All right. I guess Zach didn't even touch it. Zach, where are you? Where are you? I was just kidding. That one just hung up there like a fart. Yeah. I mean, we got to the moon.

Yeah. Yeah. The honking dogs did go to the moon. That was cool. Yeah. The dogs – the honky-tonks did go to the moon. Yes, look at us. And Pocahontas, when she got baptized into Christianity, she changed her name to Rebecca. She was the original Becky. She's the original – Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And then she married John Rolfe at 17, which is a little young. But, I mean, you know, 17, it's like – you know, it's some ages. You can legally, I think, marry a girl now at 17 in some states, right? And it's Virginia, so it's like, what are you going to do? I'm always confused by that. What is it? Is it state by state or is it a federal law?

State by state. Wow. So, like, if you cross lines, you're committing a felony, and if you don't? I think 16 is national, but, like, some states are 17, I believe. I could be wrong. Am I wrong? I thought it was 18. I think 18, you're good. Mikey has no idea. I've never had to Am I wrong? I thought it was 18. I think 18, you're good.

Mikey has no idea. I've never had to worry about that since I was 18. If we ask Mikey a question, if it doesn't relate to anime, it's a 50-50 toss-up if he knows. Yeah. Why you looked that up? Well, no, I need the notes. Some are 16.

Some are 16. Some states are 16. It's really when, like Yana said, Pocahontas goes to London with John Rolfe. And she's kind of like, you know, she wasn't a princess. Keep in mind, Pocahontas, a lot of people think she was a princess. She was not a princess in the Poetan culture. She was just the chief's daughter. But the Virginia Company presented her to the English as this fucking princess.

So it was like, you know, it's all marketing, guy. History is marketing. Geography is destiny. History is marketing. Yeah, you've been marketed poison. You've been marketed. Most of the people who you were marketed are really not that funny. Yeah.

Because the funny's happening right here. Right here. No, but I'm saying it's all marketing. The same thing. This is why she's famous to this day. They just marketed her right. It's also companies. The Virginia Company, the West Indian Company.

These companies were the ones who were really running the show. I mean, America's a company. You've got to understand that this is a business. That you're living within these walls. You're working for us. It's America Inc. It's America Inc. That's where we live.

It's what it is. She was kind of kidnapped in a way. Not in a way. She was kidnapped. She was kind of kidnapped in a way We don't know No, not in a way She was kidnapped She was kidnapped Yeah But the thing about her is She does

Her name Pocahontas means playful one In the Utu Utu language Or whatever Sure I don't remember Which I support

Yeah Yeah, which that was a funny special By the Utu Utu comedian Yeah That just got a special on Netflix It's what it is Thank you for clearing the air, Zach We're just joking

It's a fucking character No, I'm not talking about anyone specific. I'm just saying everybody on Netflix gets a special if you fucking, if you're anything but white

with skinny jeans. Yeah, no, it's a character piece. My name's Sean Terry. Every time I turn on TV to watch a special, I don't know what these

fucking kids are saying. It's Democrat after fucking Democrat. You know, they're not talking to me. They're acting like I don't live in this

fucking country. I protect this fucking country. I want to see some fucking comedy by Shane Gillis. Yeah. When's this fucking special coming out? It's coming out. That's a good fucking game.

I'm telling you. I'm telling you. You fucking tell me. You fucking tell me what the difference is between some of these recent Netflix specials and the Democrat National Debate. It's the same fucking thing. It's the same fucking thing. It's the same fucking thing.

I just see Anderson Cooper fucking waving his fucking gay flag around. That's what it is. It's a character piece. That was just jokes. That's a play. It's called Ladder 14. It's called Ladder 14. I just see Anderson Cooper fucking waving his fucking gay flag around. That's what it is. It's a character piece. That was just jokes. That's a play. It's called Ladder 14. It's called Ladder 14. I'm just kidding because I love Anderson Cooper.

To tell you the truth, he's a fucking handsome kid, and I'd like to kiss him on the lips and suck the bottom of his mouth. Yeah, we're just a couple of firefighters. We're trying to make it big in the city. It's just what it is. I'm just kidding. You know, I fucking love him. I love him all.

But yeah, there's a couple of my peer comedians who are just going to get their heads flushed down the toilet. I'm talking kidding. You know, I fucking, I love them. I love them all. But yeah, there's a couple of my peer comedians, you know, who are just going to get their heads flushed down the toilet. I'm fucking with you. Yeah, or the fucking faces go on mashed potatoes. Yeah, your face could go on the mashed potatoes. I've just fucking had enough. Okay? And some of these female comedians, I'm going to start walking up to you and kissing you

on the lips. Cuz, are you full out of the closet now, Republican? I'm fully out of the closet. You called me the other day and you said you're coming full out of the closet, Republican. Yeah, I'm fucking, I've just had enough. I mean, are you, Republican? I'm fully out of the closet. You called me the other day and you said you're coming full out of the closet Republican. Yeah, I'm fucking, I've just had enough. I mean, are you full Republican? Yeah, if I could vote for Trump right now, I'd do it right now. It's a character piece.

It's just a character piece. He wants to start voting for Trump because he fights fires every day, so he wants to put the vote in early. Yeah, because a lot of firefighters do lead to the right. So this is just to play a couple characters we work on. A couple kids from the out of boroughs who happen to fucking vote right when they go into the booth. And that's what it is.

It's what it is. That's what it is. Yeah, what you're going to see is two things when I fucking go into that voting booth. When I come out, you're going to see two things. You're going to see a fucking big checkmark on the Republican side, and you're going to see some sauce stains, because I'm going to go in there with a chicken palm here. And it's what it is. And it's just what it is.

Yeah. So Pocahontas kept peace. That's the thing. Right. That's the big thing. Back then, you got to understand, they kept constantly going to war. Right? The Jamestown settlement and those Indian tribes, because the chief, they were a bunch

of tribes, but he had unified them. So in that area, there was like a bunch of fucking tribes that got unified. Because they used to all fight with each other, but he unified them. And they would get along for a little while, but then the white men would encroach on their land a little bit. There'd be fights. And Pocahontas was someone who was kind of keeping the peace a little bit. She'd bring fucking corn to the kids. She was a peace keeping the peace.

She was a peace keeping the peace. Yeah. Well, that was one of the things that they did. Them and the English settlers got together, got a gang up against the Spaniards who were really trying to fuck people over. Well, yeah, the Fiestas had a lot of power back in those days. Yeah, they did. Yeah, they did, the Fiestas.

Way Sanchien. Yeah, that's okay. They were two parties. Yeah, like, they're festive people. I'm being serious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do we have to way Sanchien Fiestas? No.

No, Fiestas. I'm saying it's a happy word. Yeah, but Fiestas is more Latin people. Oh, yeah. Not Spanish. Oh, the Spanish. Oh, the Spanish are from Spain. No, well, you can call them.

Is Mike from Spain? Yeah, Mike's from Spain. Mike's from Spain. We, the Spanish. Oh, the Spanish are from Spain. No, well, you can call them. Is Mike from Spain? Yeah, Mike's from Spain. Mike's from Spain. We're making fun of that, but Mike comes from Spain. Yeah, Mike, have you ever thought about doing voiceover work for, what was his name? Succatam Sass. Succatam Sass?

What was the guy's name? Sylvester. Sylvester. Sylvester. No, Mike should do the voiceover for whatever bank, the Bank of Spain. Yeah, you should. My name's Mike Suarez, and I'm a spokesman for the bank in Spain, Santander. Yeah, you should just play Enrique Iglesias whenever you can.

Yeah. Because you go to España, and then you just went to Ibiza. Ibiza. Yeah. I'm Spanish. Yeah. Wow, Mike, you can speak fluent Spanish, right? He's a fucking Mexican.

Oh, you can? Yeah. I was shocked when I went to Texas. I told you, there's a lot of Mexicans who are Americans. I know. I know. Take it away, Shang-Chi. Way to go, Shang-Chi.

Everyone is surprised when they go down there. No, you know what it is? Just real quick. Okay. There's different Americas, though. It's like the Northeast, the West, and the Southwest are different. You have Spanish influence. We have English influence.

Right. From Spain. Yeah. Not Gloria Estefan. Yeah. Okay. It's Spanish and German, actually. Spanish and influence. Right. From Spain. Yeah. Not Gloria Estefan. Yeah. Okay. It's Spanish and German, actually. Spanish and German, yeah.

All right. So this is, you know, and also just real quick, just a quick little side note. The first Thanksgiving was in 1621, and the Harvest Feast was in Plymouth, and it was likely in September or October. And I'm bringing that up to say, because I want to say, I want to do a fuck, marry, kill, or as we coined it, we call it, instead of fuck, marry, kill, we do fuck is Coco, married is Yanni Husbands, kill is Poughkeepsie. Yeah. So I want to do a fuck, marry, kill with you right now, Yannis, or as we're saying, Coco, Yanni Husbands, Poughkeepsie, John Smith, Pocahontas, or mashed potatoes.

Wow. Okay. I'm going to kill John Smith. Wow. Wow Okay I'm gonna kill John Smith Wow Yeah cause there's one less white man on this planet And that's just gonna make Apu happy Yes

Okay so Johnson Let's look at this Let's fucking out of here Okay Who I'm gonna bang out Is mashed potatoes Yeah Cause I love fucking mashed potatoes

Yeah I'm gonna stick them in every orifice Yeah And then who I'm gonna marry Is fucking my piece of a wife Po Pocahontas, but she's going to die a year after dating because I got fubed. Yeah. And Mrs. Pops, if you're listening, if you don't think you're going to get banged out

tonight and he's going to call you Pocahontas, you got another thing coming. You got another thing coming. It's what it is. You got another thing coming. All right. So that was Pocahontas. It was cute. We're going to read the Patreon names.

Now, guys, buckle up. There's a lot of Patreon names. Yeah. Okay? And thank you guys so much for your up. There's a lot of Patreon names. Yeah. Okay? And thank you guys so much for your service. There's a lot of Patreon names. And because there's so many names, I just have to go pee quick. And I know Venetia is going to get mad at me, but, I mean, she's at work in Florida, so who cares?

But, Yann, we'll read the sponsors while we're doing that. Yeah. When Venetia, she's at Florida, it's work. You got to put it in air quotes. Okay. Let's just read our sponsors real quick Guys, stick around We got more coming up when Chris deals with his drip

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to see if you live out there on the island if you got a problem with your car, go to 9th Street Auto Collision in Huntington Station. I don't have the address in front of you because it's just one of those days, but you know, it's the only auto collision spot that's named 9th Street that's not on fucking 9th Street.

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So go to Nutrition Made Fun on the ground. Follow him. He's so entertaining. And he's got good tips. I've actually learned a lot from him, as you know. Nutrition Made Fun, he's got good tips. I've actually learned a lot from him, as you know. Nutrition Made Fun, he's got also a workout where he uses his bands to pull his eyes closer together. So go to Nutrition Made

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Dr. Souls He's got funny medical videos Sneakerhead shit He's an aspiring comic as well And we're gonna have him on the show eventually To talk about the history of ass doctoring. So, I mean, the kid is a full-on ass doctor. So go follow Sajra Azizi.

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Some shit. I don't have the copy. Happy Healthy Smile. Healthy Healthy Smile. And the granola one. Yeah. Lakeside Maple came out Friday night. That kid came out cute. It's screwed in and it doesn't Theo Vaughn do his stuff too. I think Theo Vaughn wears a shirt.

I mean, the kid's just screwed and he's marketing, right? Because he's marketing with the hyenas. Lakeside Maple. I eat it every day now. I'm not even lying. It's not even a joke. The kid gave us all such a huge supply. I throw it in my oatmeal and I eat the trail mix just straight up. I was eating it on the toilet this morning. Yeah. And I was killing two birds with one stone. I eat the trail mix just straight up. I was eating it on the toilet this morning.

Yeah. I was killing two birds with one stone. I was having breakfast, taking a shit. And all three flavors are delicious. Ginger, chai, spicy, original. Go get your Lakeside Maple at lakesidemaple.com. Promo code HYENAS15 to get 15% off the total order of Lakeside Maple. All right.

So buckle up. Again, just real quick, as I always state, as we always state, we encourage funny names. If you don't want to have a, make a funny name, you don't have the time or you have a job where you can't do that. And you're just here for the content. That's okay. We just say your name. We'll say your name and there'll be no laugh. It'll just be straight to the back here for the content. Unless you have a Ginzo last name, then we laugh at it. Okay, here we go. Starting off, Abraham, you're only getting a fin because the Reich took Grandpa's gold tea. The kid tried it.

He went... I like it. It's when a gymnast goes for a triple baffling and just falls on the beam. Yeah, the thing is, too, with the Reich stuff, we can't really laugh at it anymore because some of you idiots have been posting stupid memes. Yeah, you gotta stop. The next one, kind of in that vein, Rob, throw them in the microwave, Wilson. It's just funny, but you got to stop. Es lo que es. The next one, kind of in that vein, Rob, throw them in the microwave.

Wilson, it's just funny, but you can't laugh. That's a reference. But you know what? Japan did attack us first. Yeah, they did attack us first. So that's a reference to the boys doing something. You know, it's amazing that sushi restaurants just keep opening up. I mean, you know, never forget.

Francesca Zambrano. So, Brezza, she's going to get that. That name comes with discipline. Yeah. Nick D here for the content. Nick D, the kid says he's a failed DJ. We already got one. Francesca Zambrano. She's going to get that. That name comes with discipline. Nick D here for the content. Nick D, the kid says he's a failed DJ. We already got one.

Amy Boyles. That's a waspy girl. You can't say stuff after every name because we have too many names. Only if it's really funny, just say something. She's going to murder her husband. Because there's pages and pages of this shit. Okay. Jesse, one name. Duke Jizza of Comptown.

Good. Keep making note of that. Chrissy D and Yanni P, 2020. That's a good one. Yeah. Ray. Oh, wow. Yeah, Ray.

Yeah, I mean. Yeah. Crack open my bean and smash it into my jeans. Okay, count that. He's in the lead. He's in the lead. He's in the lead. That kid pulls ahead. Okay, Richie, don't know where the fuck I'm from, but I got a tiny piece, Curtis.

Oh, God. Ted. Make a note. Jesus. Okay, Dominican immigrant here legally, but avoiding Chrissy Forth Reich. Another one. Holy shit. Okay, one named Kara

All three of those Kara, and then we got Sauce Monkey Epstein Good one Good one, Danny Long Balls Ferraro Okay, that's funny Yeah, I mean, these kids are Clyde Drexlers Ryan Creeble, here for the content Straight to the back

Abu the King Abu the King? Abu the King Abu the King, funny though Then we got Clyde Drexler Joe Carson Yeah

Then we got No Fumes,ler Joe Carson Yeah Then we got Wasp No fumes Mike Shadow Rope And Chrissy D's butthole While Bill Burr watched bed All one word Funny but not on the level

Of the other three Clyde Drexler Then we got Alex Gomez Hey for the coffee Fiesta Michael Peter John Buckland

Michael Lima Tyler Eastern Hemi With skin covered In San Italiano. Holy fuck. These are getting so good. Yeah. Then we got Cody, crack me open and clean me out with a side of sauerkraut.

German. Yeah. But it's a Clyde Drexler. Matt McClelland. Wow. Patrick just turned 21, so I've been moving the vegetables and developing. I don't know. It got cut off.

I don't know what it said, but it's good, kid. Thank you for your service. Benjamin, straight to the front. Let's drain the swamp of marinara monkeys. You got to put that one in. Jesus Christ. We got a list. We're going to have to narrow them down.

Then we got Kenan from Westchester, but I still move hands, so don't mess with me, cuz. Yeah, it's a funny one, but he's a Clyde Drax. Tobin Scott. White kid. Chrissy D's a funny one, but he's a Clyde Drax. Tobin Scott. White kid. Chrissy D's catapult and White Walker's assistant, Trump 2020. It's funny, but it's a Draxler. Draxler, Draxler. It's a good one.

That's an honorable mention. Joe Cuzzi Wuzzy non-tude Chrissy Boots, a.k.a. fucking cute. Oh, no, no. Sorry, sorry. Joe Cuzzi Wuzzy non-tude Chrissy's boots are fucking cute. I mean,, no. Sorry, sorry. Joe, cuzzy, wuzzy, non-tuned. Chrissy's boots are fucking cute. I mean, that kid is current, too, because you just got new boots. Funny kid.

You got to put him down. Then we got Dem, D-E-M-E or Demi. Yeah, that's a kid hiding from the law. Then we got green-eyed Leroy with a microwavable glue gun. You got to put him down. Yeah. And then we got Steven Petruzzo How you doing? I got a van Lucas Vicroy

How you doing? And then we got Tyler, the lean, mean, half bean Eating ice cream for the protein Another goody He's on the fence And it fell on the own side of his net Then we got Tony Balls, the half bean, Weishan, Sheehan, Machine, and Uvula Fien. That is a 10.

That's a 10. That is a 10. Yeah, and then we got the next one, James Altucher, the $500 sponsor. Wow, this kid's been screwed in. He's been screwed in, yeah. Wow. Wait, did you make a note of that Uvula one? Wow, that was a good one.

Oh, I'm sorry. It says S.I.'s, Tony Balls, the half bean, Weishan, Sheehan, Machine, and Yuvila Fien. Yeah, I think that might be the one. Yeah. Jesus Christ, that's good. Sergio, not white, but votes to the right. It's character piece. That's okay.

Character piece. That's a goodie. I'm going to give a Clyde Drexler. I'm going to put that in the Clyde Drexler. But you know what I mean? That means you're still a Hall of Famer, but born in the era of Michael Jordan. Okay.

Dougie, make no mistake, the potty is going to get me fired, but I want to see Carlos members 1,000. He went for it. He just fell on the beam. Garth may or may not be a Nazi ancestor, but make no mistake, definitely Brandon Reign. Oh, some of these are, oh, I see. Some of these names are cut off, and I can't see them. They're too long. They're too long.

They're too long? All right. All right. Well, yeah, it's a good one. All right. Zootz Toot. Okay. Parker.

Hey, Parker. Mikey Nunzi Fat Sauce Monkey Corleone. Yeah, it's a goodie. Yeah. Clyde Drexler, though. Then we got Arnufo Roman Weepa. I'm sorry. Arnufo Roman Wepa Wepa Mijente.

Good one. Good one. Then we got Yanni the Uni. Yanni the Uni. Good one. Then we got Larry, not a Leroy, but now have a situation with one. Dot, dot, dot. Chrissy, sit on my lap. That's got to go on the list.

Yeah. It's got to go on the list, Mikey. Then we got Luke Tesorero. He's got a van. Yeah, I got a van. Then we got M. Suey, 2019, here for the content. Yeah. Jordan Rivera, Christy Aurora, John Catapult me over the wall with a White Walker piece, Gil.

Yeah, he's a Drexler. Good one. Rosa, straight to the back parks. A lot of these guys just fall victim to being later in the list. Yeah. Sid, the screwed-in kid who poos on kids, Graziano. He went for it, but he could have just said Graziano. Yeah, it's fine.

Sandbox Sammy. Simple and good. Yeah. I'm going to go Drexler on that. Jonathan Cazaloo. Angela Tiano. Dabo Sweeney, who's the coach of Clemson. Yeah.

Justin, no toots, wasp roots, unfumed pubes, groomed, and by myself, I'll take his physically. Just put that on the list. Yeah. That's a 10. Then we got Adam Garcia. How you doing? Then Jake, CBD cured my autism. I mean, anxiety, it's a character piece, but not really.

Clyde Drexler, good one, though. Good one. Then we got Herma. Welcome to the back. Then we got John John, raised in a peach shop, so I got a nice big laugh for Chrissy Valerio. Good one. Yeah, late in the list.

Zev, make no mistake, I'm a pretty screwed-in kid. Mendelbaum. Nice Jew name. Yeah, that kid's a nice Jewish boy. Jim Hall. Jim Hall. I'm here for the contest straight to the back in a raincoat. Then we got Father Bill Mulrooney, Chapel 14, It's a Character Priest.

Yeah. Goody. Goody. Goody. You got to put him on the list. We gave that one at the live show. At the live show, that one won. Okay, well, shot him out.

He won at the live show. We want to read them on the main episode. Yeah, he won. Katie, feverless and fumeless and does not want to be here. Tartaglia. Another goodie. Yeah. Was she said on the live one, too? No. Michael Campbell. I'm here for the content. I'm going straight to the

back. Thank you. Ray Spencer, Dhammaraja, Sadef, half Hindu, half FF, just a G, kid, non, toot, big fumes, curry. Goody. Goody. Goody. Andrew Bowers.

Richie the Big Dick Mick Hickey. Hickey's my last name for realsies. Goody, late in the list. Yeah. Clyde Drexler. Yeah. Genesis Aurora. Welcome, girl.

Genesis, that girl's Latina Yeah DM me Likes to surf HS Junior Gave me a tonsillectomy Cause Father Bill's dick threw hands Yeah it's gotta go on the list Mikey Bernard Lewis

Tony Balls 2020 Lauren Jack Da Doherty Paul Allen the average AF podcast creamy Mike creamy Mike's funny Michelle make no mistake I will x-ray your bony Moroni and laugh at it good one that's a hardcore Clyde Drexler. And we got Ricky Two Nuts. You got to give Ricky Two Nuts a nod. You got to give it a nod. Chrissy, thanks. St. Frank Rizzo. Father Bill doesn't bang Leroy's Hanley.

He went for it. He's late in the list. Greg the Screwed In. NC, TBG, Blaine. Okay. These are all Clyde Drexlers. Wyatt, my piece's name is Woodrow Wilson because he doesn't like whiskey. Okay. Kid went for

it, but he fell on the beam. Straight to the back, Silva. Jim, piece after the fourth brew, Quinn. Yeah, it's an Irish kid. Yeah, he went for it. Late in the list. Fell on the beam. Brian, crack me from the back in the love sack and set the microwave, Galio. Another goodie.

Holy shit. Then we got J.D. Supreme. All right. Straight to the back. Then we got Frank. Straight to the back. Then we got Craig Black. Yanni, guess my ethnicity and I'll become a $10 non-toot. Okay.

Wait a second. Let's bump him up. What's his name? He's paying 20. Oh, okay. He's Frank Speeds. Yeah. Tamara.

Then we got Kat, half Sandy, half Scandi. Removable showerhead equals negative fumes. Kid, put him on a list. Yeah. Chrissy Cousin Cracker. Goody. Late in the list, man. Yeah, Clyde Drexler.

Chris Peace tucked, jaws out. Okay. Steve going straight to the back, Frietta. I'm here for the content. I respect it. I respect it. Lauren Melita. She's getting disciplined.

Duncan, can you give me Heybert's number because I'm a lonely kid, Hugh? That's a goodie. Laney Jennings. You know that he doesn't like Heybert has made it worse. Yeah. We can't control these people. Lauren Melita. Then we got Duncan.

Can you get me? Oh, sorry. Lainey Jennings. Then we got FF Rico, not Rocco, you actual FF. Okay. Goody. Tina Noble. Straight to the back.

Lawrence Alvarado. Straight to the back. Chills. Patrick, crack me open with Chrissy Hate Crime in the lovesack. We're just going to, yeah, we're going to move past that one. Justin, Chrissy, micro D, eating Yanni, long dongs, Reese's character piece. Pretty good. Yeah.

Old Johnny, non-tude, I'll suck your flute, Ortiz. God, these kids are so funny. Then we got Fuzzy, wuzzy, was a muzzy, cuzzy, fumes, ladder 14. Yeah, he's a goody. He's a goody, but I'm going to Drexler that one. Mike Germantown Wooder, Let's Crack Open a Tudor on the Love Sack. And then last but not least, Smucker Fucker Rally Stick My Dick in Jelly. It goes on the list.

All right. I mean, there's about 20. That was a long one because we missed a week or two, right? Those are the newest Patreon members. Also, we're speeding up, which is good. But in honor of how good that was, let's pick a winner. Okay. Let's pick a winner. We've already had to go long.

Let's just pick a winner because those were so good. Yeah. All right, Mike, what are they? All right. So from the first batch, we had Duke Joseph Comptown, crack it with my bean and smash it in my jeans. Richie, don't know where the fuck I'm from, but I got a tiny piece Curtis. Dominican immigrant here legally, but avoiding Chrissy Forthright.

Tyler, Eastern Hemi with my skin covered in Italiano. Yeah. Benjamin, straight to the front. Let's drain the swamp of marinara monkeys. Yeah. Joe, cuzzy wuzzy non-toot. Chrissy's boots are fucking cute. That's my guy.

I like him so far. That's guy squad. Green-eyed Leroy with a microwavable glue gun. Good one. Tyler the Lean Bean Half Bean Bean Eating Cream

for the protein. Yeah. SI's Totally Balls the Half Bean Wei Zhongjian Machine and Uvula Fiend. That's the winner for me. I don't even think you need to read the rest. For me, I'm voting there. Isis, where are you at? I like and Uvula Fiend. That's the winner for me. I don't even think you need to read the rest.

For me, I'm voting there. Isis, where are you at? I like the Uvula Machine. You like that one, too? Uvula Machine is my favorite. Yeah, it's three. The other Father Bill one. Doesn't matter what Chrissy says because that's the winner.

And Larry, not a Leroy, but I have a situation with one. Chrissy said on my lap, Justin, no. Toots, wasps, roots, unfumed, pubes, groomed, and by myself, I'll take you physically. Well, that was the second runner-up. Yeah. And then Fuzzy Wuzzy, Wuzzy Wuzzy, Wuzza Muzzy, Cuzzy Fumes, a lot of 14. Yeah. All good.

And there's a couple others on here. Yeah, no, but we got the winner. Yeah. One more time for the winner. Uvula. Sorry, Mike. I mean, look, it's fun work. It's great.

I love it As Tony Balls, the half bean Wei Zhongxian machine And Uvula Fiend That's the winner That's the winner Alright, that's the PGW of the week Congrats Thank you guys so much

We appreciate all the support It's been beautiful It's all beautiful Let's do it Tell friends Tell friends Yeah, please tell friends Go rate us on iTunes, okay?

Give us five stars You fucking FF Happy Thanksgiving Happy Thanksgiving Alright