History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 99 - Charlemagne was WILD!

Episode Date: December 1, 2019

The Cuzzos come in loaded and locked and make their way to talk about Charlemagne! The boys are just making their way back from helping move some furniture and some vegetables! They got a bit sauced at Chipotle and Yanni comes in quick with the random Greek! They get into the topic of Charlemagne quick, King of the Franks, or King of the Franks and Beans? Kid had some sibling rivalry, screwed in for Christianity and overall tough kid! Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

And just get mad at Neil Jordan and say, Who the match? Who the match? That's so bad. Yeah. Yeah! Fuck yeah! Fuck yeah! Come on!

Oh, she doesn't like that. Ωραία! Εγώ είμαι Έλληνας. Έλληνα είμαι. Εγώ είμαι πούστης. Κακό. Κακό παιδί. Δεν είσαι κακό παιδί. Είμαι πολύ καλά. Εγώ είμαι σκατάμως μέσα στο τείχο. Καμώ το καιρα τόσο. Σ' αγαπώ τόσο τόσο πολύ.

Το σπάζω το κεφάλι μου. Μαύρη. Μου αρέσει μαύri. That was just a lot. I like you, Mavri. I like you. What is he saying? He's saying a lot of random stuff, but he's also saying I love you. And like, I love a lot of people and I'm also sad.

I don't know. And he's also saying he's gay. Yeah. I'm a pussy. What's I'm gay? A pussy? A pussy. I'm a pussy. A pussy. I'm a pussy. What's I'm gay? A pussy? A pussy. Yes, a pussy.

A pussy. Yes, a pussy. Maricon. Yeah. Yes. Argydia messes talking.

Fala, so. Yeah, just random words. What did he just say? Something like

Argydia means balls and he said in your head. So, yeah, he's really, yeah, you yelling in Greek with the headphones are he said in your head So Balls in your head Yeah You yelling in Greek

With the headphones Are too tight on your head You look Franks and Beats And it's a 10 out of 10 Gamoto Keratoso Gamoto Keratoso Gamoto Keratoso The truth of the situation is this

We both We got drunk at Chipotle I know We did It's just what it is We're a few brews deep We had it at Chipotle My chest is on fire now Giannis is calling himself A homo in Greek We went to Chipotle. I know. We did. It's just what it is. We're a few brews deep. We had a Chipotle. My chest is on fire now.

Giannis is calling himself a home-owned Greek. We went to Chipotle. We had a couple of Modellos, and it started because we just had a fucking day. Yeah, we just had a fucking day. And we needed a little buzz. Yeah, we just cleaned out Giannis' dad's apartment, who's dead. And it's good that he still got, as long as there's furniture still in that apartment, we could still use his death as an excuse to cancel people.

No, we didn't do that. Oh, yeah, that's right. Sorry. We didn't do that. Yeah, no. Well, to cancel my spots. I had to cancel my spots because I have to, yeah, it's his dad's death. I was handing out CDs for Z the Dropout and Jan Brady.

Yeah, Jan Brady. Yeah. Yeah, and it was nice you hired two nice guys to help clean out your dad's apartment. And there are two Fiestas from the Bronx. And if you don't think they're selling your dad's paintings on a street corner in the Bronx, you got another thing coming. If I don't think that what was going on with my dad's furniture is the same thing from the scene from, what's the kid's name?

God damn it, Yanni Alzheimer's. Yanni Alzheimer's, you're drunk on the details. Doris Bueller, when they took the car and they took it for a joyride, they're definitely taking my dad's mirrors up there and selling it half price. If you don't... If you... What? Okay.

Can you get us water? And Mike, are you in a better mood than you were yesterday? Are you okay? Mike, instead of getting us water, what if you just talk and I'll open my mouth? Yeah. You should call Mexican Water Fountain. That's Mexican Water Fountain. It's just Mike saying hello.

Mike, are you in a better mood? Mike's in a good mood. Well, he's out getting waters now. Mike is doing a lot of physical labor lately. Mike, I think, is in a bad mood just because we're working him to death, but that's the Schultz-y secret. Yeah, if Mike, I swear to God... Whenever you see a highlighter on a kid's desk,

that means the kid's working too hard. Yeah. I'm going to see Mike, if he... When he comes and sits down, if he's still in a bad mood, there's only one way to get him in a better mood, and that's tickling.

I'm going to tickle him. You can tickle him, or we can just tell them that we prefer him over Venetia. They'll be happy. Yeah, they'll be happy about it. Yeah, he hates Venetia. Word.

No. Yes, it is. I just got lightheaded fromia. Word. Dope. Yes, it is. I just got lightheaded from laughing. I'm going down. That's because you're drunk off Medellos from Chipotle. And if you don't think your dad's missing, Bankart is in the back of Ramon's pocket from remove a junk service, and he's fucking using it on a corner.

I got another thing coming. 181st and Riverside, you got another thing coming. You got another thing coming. This is the first time I think that Venetia. And boot this. This is the first time Ven think that Venetia- And boot this. This is the first time Venetia has put something down for a cackle for personal reasons. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but look, Mike, you can't have resentment towards her.

Mike's taking too long to get the waters. Did he pass out? It might have not made it down the stairs. Down the stairs, yeah. Today we're going to talk about Charlemagne. Who cares? It doesn't matter. He's a fruit cup.

Yeah, it doesn't matter. We're talking about Charlemagne the God from the Brilliant Idiots podcast. Yeah, that's all we need is Charlamagne the God from the Brilliant Idiots podcast who hates white people but bleaches his own skin. I mean, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You know, it doesn't matter. He does a podcast with Andrew Schultz.

Yeah. He's secretly attracted to tall white guys. All those guys secretly hate white people. But they're secretly attracted to tall white guys. It doesn't matter. It's what it is. You fucking hate fuck yourself. Who cares?

He walks around with a bodyguard because what? People love him? I don't think so. No, it's all a character piece. We love- It's a character piece. We joke around. Are we?

Yeah. I don't know Charlemagne at all. Yeah, I don't know. I've never met the kid. I just know that a guy that calls him Charlemagne the God is just a little weird to me. It's like grow up guy. What do you have? Make believe names?

My daughter wants me to call her pineapple face. Should that yeah should i do that i do that because she's four you're a grown-ass man i have to call you an ancient ruler's name and then put the god after it i mean come on guy come on guy let's let's let's grow up here yeah uh yeah first of all the name charlemagne is taken yeah it's taken i mean it's taken by a guy in history yeah it's taken by it's taken by uh charles the great yeah, it's taken by Charles the Great. Yeah. That's what Charlemagne means. He was the first king of the Holy Roman Empire,

and he's responsible for spreading Christianity throughout this great European nation that we live in. We don't live in a European nation. We do according to my rules. Yeah, we do. Well, I guess the earth's flat. Earth is flat for sure. I mean, it doesn't matter who cares.

I'm a Bangladeshi kid who currently lives in Hong Kong and is leading a protest. Why not? Why not? Why not? Charlemagne spread the idea of Christianity through everybody's fucking dirty faces. All those porpers, they fucking had something. They needed something to look forward to. And Charlemagne, a.k.a. Charles the Great, gave him that reason and came in the form of Jesus Christ's body and

blood. Okay? And I wouldn't have the beautiful tattoos I have all over my body if it wasn't for Charlemagne the Great just forcing Christianity down these fucking porpers' faces. It's what it is. These fucking peasants. If it wasn't for the great Charlemagne, King of the Franks. I couldn't marry Venetia. I'm 5% Greek. It's enough for Yaya.

How did you go down from 9 to 5? I don't know, because Yaya doesn't want me near you. Yeah. Wild. He got an updated version of his DNA, and he's got 5% Greek. 5% Greek, but I was 8% a week ago. Yeah, but here's the thing.

But I gained more German, so that's all that matters. They should have just said, instead of breaking you up into little percentages, they should have just simplified it and said, 100% pauper. Yes. Because that's what you are. You're a 100% shit-shubbler. It doesn't matter what part of Europe you're from. Guy, you didn't have shoes.

Yeah, I didn't have shoes. My ancestry should have just said- That's why your feet are shaped like boots. Yeah. Because you had to walk without shoes. Without shoes. It should have just said, 50% straight, 50% gay. Yeah.

Because that's what you are. That's what it truly is. You're down the middle, Chrissy D. If it wasn't for Charlemagne Tha God... Yeah, if it wasn't for Charlemagne Tha God,

Andrew Schultz wouldn't have a career. He wouldn't have a career, And if it wasn't for Charlemagne Tha God, and if it wasn't for Andrew Schultz, we wouldn't have a career.

So it's just one hand feeds the other. We're little Russian dolls sitting inside each other. And if it wasn't for us, Mike wouldn't have a career. And he's still not back with the Warriors yet. I'm getting nervous.

I'm getting nervous, too. Is there a roof down there for him to fall off of? We got to keep the kid away from roofs. Guy, I'm lightheaded because of the salt in the burrito that I ate from Chipotle and also a few brews. Yeah, we had a few brews in Chipotle just because we figured whoever goes to Chipotle and drinks booze, I know who it is. Yeah. It's called Mexican restaurant workers. Yeah. They go after work and they just get hammered in a Chipotle and drinks booze, I know who it is. Yeah. It's called Mexican restaurant workers. Yeah.

They go after work and they just get hammered in a Chipotle. I also got stabbed in the arm by your dad's cactus. It did. Yeah. We were just cleaning out my dad's apartment. Sorry. We couldn't make the podcast because my dad's dead. Yeah.

That's a reason why we couldn't do it. So anybody who. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. No. Oh, yeah.

Oh, no. Yeah. John. John. And put this in. Put this lip on. Lip on. Let's boost. Yeah. I'm a Yeah No Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah So all she does is repeat, give me liberty and give me death. Oh, really? In Greek, yeah. Give me liberty or give me death. That's what she says. Yeah. Here's the thing. If it wasn't for Charlemagne Manitia, you wouldn't have a Puerto Rican boyfriend who's Catholic.

Oh, we don't have any of that. Oh, that's right. Yeah. That was the shortest relationship in Greek fathers finding out about what the daughters do in history. It's what it is. Yeah. Well, Charlemagne. Apparently, your father listens to this podcast and he fucking 86 that relationship. Yeah, well, Charlemagne.

Not going to happen. You are not going on a double date with Chrissy and his babies, my mom. Yeah, yeah. Charlemagne is also fucking unified. You're dirty. Eastern fucking Orthodox religion, too. Yeah. Didn't he?

Character piece. That was a bunch of unnecessary adjectives, I feel. Yeah, sorry. That was a long time for you to get full too. Yeah. Didn't he? Character piece. That was a bunch of unnecessary adjectives I feel. Yeah, sorry. That was a long time for you to get full waters. Yeah. Was there a roof down there,

guy? Are you okay? Mike's in a bad mood again. Yeah, Mike's in a bad mood again. What's going on? Who are you pissed at? I can't talk about it on the podcast.

No, come on. Yeah, you can. All you guys is good content. Schultz, call him up. Yeah. We'll subtitle it. Yeah. You didn't bring enough waters for everybody so? Yeah. We'll subtitle it. Yeah. You didn't bring enough waters for everybody, so somebody's asked out.

No, Venity, you drink. You're my wife. Thank you. I already have water, honey. You all right, Mike? I'm good. No, get to the bottom of it, Chris. Just say something.

You don't have to say anything about that, but let's just, you want to let the gay out? Yeah. We need to see how he hears Mike. Wait, give him a second to catch his breath and then ask him again. Jesus Christ, the kid just walked up here. Yeah, no, you to come out here as Mike. Wait, give him a second to catch his breath and then ask him again. Jesus Christ, the kid just walked up here. Yeah, no, Mike's a good dresser, too. Mike's a good dresser.

He's got a nice jean shirt on. He's just, I think Mike's stressed out. A little. Yeah. What do you need, Mike? What do you need, Mike? What's going on? I'll hug you to the parts out.

Who do you want us to fucking kill? Yeah, we will catapult. You guys are great. We would be able to pay you more, but I used the company credit card to buy another pair of fry boots. It's just that I've been using it too much. Here's the thing. I put Chipotle on the company. I just want to give people a little reminder.

When you hear certain things, and you hear Chrissy say certain things on this podcast, you're going like, it's a character piece. Mostly, it's not a character piece. He does own an SS type of long leather coat. It's not an SS. Let me be specific. It is a Nazi field marshal jacket.

He owns a Nazi officer jacket. Yeah, and of course, he's not a Nazi and he doesn't agree with that. Yes. He truly likes the fashion. So what he does is, I was laying on his beanbag and he came out and he did a little fashion show piece for me. Yeah. He came out naked with the jacket on.

Yeah. And I said... No, he had no boots on. It was just naked with his high heel feet and he came out in a field marshal. I got high heel feet. And I said, I thought I was living in a dream. I didn't think it was real because I didn't think he really ordered the jacket. He told me he ordered the jacket he found it on amazon it must have not been from the real amazon that must have been some sort of dark web amazon that he went on in german and he's the uber's on yeah he got himself an actual hugo boss field marshal

and nazi jacket and it's fucking cute yeah i've worked your dad's funeral i let's be honest they do they're tailored and they do make a guy's body look cute because make no mistake they made you look like a skinny mini and you're no skinny mini the the best thing the thing that i am the best at like the best at is hiding my butt yeah i mean i can hide my butt. Yeah. I mean, I can hide my butt like Anne Frank. I mean, it's usually quiet. Yeah. Except when you walk up a step to kiss a body, then it just flares out. Yeah, when I walk up.

No one is around the buttons right now. Oh, shit. Wait, Sean Jean. Yeah. What is Zach doing? Can you just say it, Venetia? Wait, Sean Jean. Yeah.

Yeah, Zach. Why is Zach walking out? First of all, he knows the fucking rules. Venetia said you can't go to the bathroom. Who the fuck said Zach could go to the bathroom Who the fuck said Zach could go to the bathroom In the middle of a podcast Yeah I started out

We were talking about My Nazi jacket And now he wants to piss Yeah I mean what's he doing I mean the guy just doesn't care Because he thinks Him and Jan are gonna take off

You're not gonna be The next Beatnuts It's not gonna happen Yeah Jan's a fucking toothpick Yeah Jan Jan I mean When I saw that kid I just didn't know What was happening Cause Jan I was like Do I bang him out Jan's a fucking toothpick. Yeah. Jan. Jan. I mean, when I saw that kid, I just didn't know what was happening.

I was like, do I bang him out? I don't know what to do. Jan can fit in a Jan sport. You can put that kid in a backpack. That's what his name is. Jan sport. Jan sport. Yeah.

Kid's got no nose. Yeah. They should walk in his shows like Ace Ventura when Tommy Davidson popped out of that little backpack. Yeah. He looked... He actually looked like Dr. Evil and Mini-Me when they were on stage. They look like Ren and Stimpy.

They do look like Ren and Stimpy. Yeah. Yeah. But they make good tunes. They do make good tunes. But I want to know why Mike's in a bad mood. Yeah. Well, Mike, because something happened.

Somebody's getting bitched at. It's probably Bobby Kelly. Let's be honest. No, it actually wasn't Bobby. Oh, wow. It wasn't Bobby. That's a shocker. Chrissy Truth Serums is my favorite Chrissy.

Because it's like, Zach, you can't get up and leave the podcast when Veneti is here. You're not allowed to pee. And then you have to just give three Wei Shan Qi and rain downs right now. Just rain. Wei Shan Qi. All the times to walk away during the podcast and take a piss. He walked away when we were talking about the fucking field marshal's Nazi uniform you have in your closet. When you do Weishan

Chi and Rain Downs, it's like when you have sex with a girl and then she takes a plan B. It's like you can just let a few fly in there for the next 72 hours because it's all getting killed anyway. It's just what it is. You can just let a few fly. You can have some fun. I have a good time. Mike, I'm going It's just what it is. You can just let a few fly. You can have some fun. Because, Mike, why do you... I have a good time. Yeah, you have a good time.

Mike, I'm going to punch you in the face. Mike, why... Mike, I swear to... This still actually does make me feel a lot better. Mike, I swear to God, I'll fucking... We should play a game. We should also do a game where we try to flick Skittles or M&Ms into Mike's belly button. Yeah, and then we...

He looks like he's got a big wide belly button Are you an innie or an outie cuz? I'm an innie Yeah And then we'll play a game called Spin the wheel Mikey Where we squeeze him And see what comes out

Is it gonna be food? Is it a giggle? Is it a cry? You don't know You don't know what he's gonna do Squeeze Mikey Call spin the wheel Yeah

Mikey why do you have a highlighter on your desk? Are you studying for the bar exam? I know I highlight stuff that we talk about You're working too hard. Who pissed you off downstairs? Does it start with an L? Oh, shit, it does. Yeah. Wow!

Yeah, it's just what it is. No, but none of them matter. Nothing matters. We can just take this podcast and move it any day we want. We're starting to get some heat now. Yeah. And last podcast on the left just signed a deal with Spotify and we're next. I'm just putting that in the universe. We're starting to get some heat now. And last podcast on the left just signed a deal with Spotify and we're next. I'm just putting that in the universe. We're next.

We don't have enough views though to get ads on Schultz's new ad company, unfortunately. That's what I was told yesterday by Andrew. The only thing we're going to get is we're going to get a deal in the shape of a cake. Because those are the things that seem to happen when you put them out into the universe. Just a cake in the shape

of whatever you ask for is going to come. It's just going to come and I'm going to eat it. My blood sugar is too high. I know it. Yeah. How many beers

did you guys have? We had one Modelo but having one Modelo for me is like because I'm a little dainty little bitch. It's like I'm buzzed right now. I definitely feel lightheaded.

You used to be a beefcake. Now you're a skinny mini. I'm a skinny mini. I fit into Giannis' jacket which is a large. That is wild. Dare I say you're starting to look a to be a beefcake. Now you're a skinny mini. I'm a skinny mini. I fit into Giannis' jacket, which is a large. That is wild. Because, dare I say, you're starting to look a little like a lolly. No, but I thought you said I was jacked again.

Yeah, but you're starting to look like a lolly. I look like a lolly. You look like a little skinny lolly. Yeah. I want to take a lick of you. Yeah. I'm a big, beefy kid. Because you got a big fucking head.

Your head's shaped like a helmet. There's no way around it. Do I have too much hair now? Is my hair too long? No, because from the back, you look like Barney Rubble. It's what it is. And from the front, you's shaped like a helmet There's no way around it Do I have too much hair now? Is my hair too long? No cuz But from the back You look like Barney Rubble It's what it is

And from the front You just look like a good looking kid Yeah Yeah But your feet are shaped In the size of heels Yeah I'm different stories Chrissy D

You're fucking crystal clear Chrissy I'm crystal clear Chrissy And yeah We had In love with You're just in love with 420 Yeah When are you gonna tell 420. Yeah.

When are you going to tell 420 you love her, cuz? No, I've told you. Because everybody, now people on the podcast and people, my friends are like, oh, you have a girlfriend, you have a girlfriend. I'm like, I don't. I only, in my life now, I would only say I had a girlfriend if I felt confident enough that it was going to last. I would introduce it to the baby. Until I introduce a girl to the baby that I just can't, because it's like that, it's only serious to me. And no girl's ever met Delilah.

So it's like if anybody that's what I would be like, okay, this is a serious relationship. Yeah. If I was like, you can meet the baby. What if she's looking at you as fuck boy status though? She probably is looking at me

as fuck boy status. V, do you think he's fuck boy status? Am I a fuck boy? I think that you're growing up. Wow. Wordly. Dope. Yeah.

I'm growing out of, I'm growing out of. Could he ever be, could he ever be outside of fuckboy status in your eyes? Or is he just fuckboy status? Maybe if we stop working together. Word, dope. I'm still always, yeah, because you hear, yeah, no, you hear the real shit. Yeah. But then you'd constantly be looking at his phone and being like, who the fuck is that?

Right? Oh. And he'd be like, no, babe, don't worry about it. No, that's another good thing with me now is whomever, because I've lived for years with different women having to hide my phone and living through all that stuff that I went through. if I was ever going to get into like a real relationship if they met my daughter, I would not, I would 1000% break up with them before I did anything with another woman. You're like- I would not,

because I just don't want to live that way anymore. I've made, like now I could honestly, if a girl asked me if she was like, like if 420 asked me like, you've ever cheated on exes, I would say yeah, all of them. But I won't cheat on you

and I would actually mean it this time. Just tell those- Because I'd rather just break up with you I would break up with you if it happened because I don't want to live in fear I hated that

the things you did that was during when you were living in fuckboy status that was before I had the baby once you had the baby it's different

that was just weird you're not just a horny drunk you're just touching random objects and elegantly gracing them with your fingers.

Yeah, I just had a traumatic experience. I had to clean up my dad's apartment. I'm sad. He was fucking okay. Hold your hand then. He sat on my lap. Your hands are dry. Yeah, why?

Because other times I felt they were clammy. Yeah, I understand. Mike's always a little wet. No, it's fine. Here's the deal. Mike, we got... These are three good kids that work on our podcast. We have great people. Mike and Benetia came to my dad's wake. Here's the deal. Mike, we got – these are three good kids that work on our podcast. We have great people.

Mike and Benetia came to my dad's wake. Thank you guys. I don't know if I ever thanked you. Thank you guys for that. That was very nice of you guys. Yeah, no, we employ minorities. That's what's the best about us. Yeah, you keep saying that.

And in the last podcast, we probably had to cackle what was going on. There's a lot of cackles in that last episode, right? Oh, yeah, with Andrew Santino. Yeah, because that's just – when you get three white men in a room, the truth just starts to come out a little too hard. Because you've got to hold it back. You know who you're like? You're like Cameron Diaz in Something About Mary.

Oh, yeah. And the baby is her brother. So it's like when you introduce whoever you're dating to the baby and- Warren. The baby throws a punch. Baby Warren. Because the baby's going to throw a punch at whoever you're with. Yeah.

And if the person you're with can take the punch then that's who you're going to be with well the baby told me two days ago Warren Franks and Beans

the baby told me two days ago because the situation thinks I have a girlfriend for some reason now she's out on parole yeah yeah so the situation

must have said because the baby said to me two days ago she was like daddy I'm the only girl for you and then she gave me a kiss on the cheek

and I was like of course baby always always always but that's why she just said that to me and I was like daddy I'm the only girl for you And then she gave me a kiss on the cheek And I was like of course baby always always always But that's why she just said that to me And I was like yeah Your situation told you to say that As low as The baby is Baby's got a good heart but she's got a lot of energy

Cause her dad's got a lot of energy She's got a lot of energy Once we figure out a way to focus that energy Forget about it She's gonna become the best the bet speaking of dad oh yeah charlamagne yeah well no char you are you are you know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree so charlamagne's dad who was pep in the short was the king of the franks now the franks are as opposed to the beans yeah the franks he was king of the franks and beans pep in the short pep in the short king of the franks of... As opposed to the Beans. Yeah, the Franks... He was king of the Franks and Beans.

Pepin the Short. Pepin the Short, king of the Franks and the Beans, is a funny name. Is Pepin the Short, is that Jan? Pepin the Short is Pepin the Squeak. I'm calling him that from now on. Yeah, can Jan get on roller coasters or no? He went to Six Flags and had some problems. That's all I know.

I thought he was an animatronic. Pepin the Short can eat... Does he a child's discount at Applebee's? Yeah. Sometimes. I can get him into a theater for free. Yeah. What are you going to do? What are you going to do?

Tell us about Charlamagne B. No, no, no. Chris was about to go there. Okay, go word. Word dope. So his father was Pepin the Short, and Pepin the Short was the king of the Franks and beans. Pepin the Short, and Pepin the Short was the king of the Franks and beans. And when Pepin died,

he left, when Dr. Pepin died, he left his empire to his two sons, Charlemagne and Carlo Man. I mean, Carlo Man just sounds like something, like that sounds like a character that Mike would make in a video game. Yeah, yeah. I actually saw that name, Carlo Man.

That's like one of the funniest names I've ever heard. Yeah, and thank God. And what happened was there 1,000% would have been a war once Pepin the Short, King of the Franks and Beans died, Charlemagne and Carlo Man's father, because Charlemagne and Carlo Man hate each other. But thank God Carlo Man died, and Charlemagne was able to become emperor.

And cuz, make no mistake, because you're going down that line too. Do we have to calculate i'm not sure i'm not sure sorry yeah it's a character piece it's just a character piece charlamagne what kind of leader was a better leader than hillary clinton Clinton. A lot of 14s. It's character, easy. It's character, easy. A lot of 14s. A lot of 14s. I'll tell you what, he didn't hide any fucking emails.

I'll tell you that right now. Yeah, I'll tell you that much. He didn't fucking chop his fucking dick off. Yeah, I'll tell you that right fucking now. I'll tell you that right fucking now. I'll tell you that every time he didn't fucking open his mic, there weren't people disappearing on the street. Seth Misch was assassinated.

Yeah, I'll tell you all that. He wasn't fucking, yeah, he wasn't. I'll tell you what, Sean made wasn't fucking, yeah, he wasn't, I'll tell you what, Charlemagne made sure Benghazi wasn't a problem. Yeah, you fucking telling me this kid, fucking Feinstein, whoever the kid

who was touching, could you tell him Hillary Clinton didn't kill him in his jail cell? You got nothing fucking to say. Got nothing coming.

Yeah, fuck out of here. So, um, yeah. Yeah, so, yeah, Peppin, a lot of 14. Yeah. Now, the thing is with Charlemagne

was interesting about him, he was an illiterate kid. He was a dumb kid who just couldn't read or write. Yeah. A lot who just couldn't read or write. Yeah. A lot of kids couldn't read and write back then. But the truth of the situation is the state or the country didn't want you to read or write because they knew what they were spewing was bullshit.

At the top of the food chain, all the smart, smart, smart, smart, smart people knew that what was bullshit like thousands of years ahead of time. Like really – like in um um i'm forgetting what his name was not martin luther oh i'm blanking on his fucking name but anyway calvin no it was with king henry the eighth and he knew that he was like the religion he was like really he said something was like you know religion maryland monroe was thomas something thomas howell pain thomas howell no it was something like that. Thomas Jefferson? Let's keep guessing. Thomas Jefferson.

Tommy John Underwear? No. Fucking. Who was it? Thomas Hobbs? Thomas Cromwell? Thomas the Train? Tom and Jerry?

Maybe it was Tom and Jerry. It was Tom and Jerry. Yeah. Yeah. Thomas my super. I don't know. It was Thomas something. Or Tomas. Maybe it was Tomas? It could have been Tomas. It was Tom and Jerry. Yeah. Yeah. Thomas my super. I don't know. It was Thomas something. Or Tomas.

Maybe it was Tomas? It could have been Tomas. Was it Tomas? But anyway, he knew. He said that like – he was like when King Henry VIII was like, oh, this is like God called upon me to – I'm speaking directly to Jesus. He was like, you're not. It's just a ploy. And then he just got burnt at the stake because he could read and write. So a lot of these emperors, like Charlemagne knew, Charlemagne was illiterate himself,

even though he was the son of a king, because it just wasn't important back then. There weren't even that many books back then, guy. Well, this was because it was during- They didn't even have Kindles back then. They didn't have a Candles back then. Mauricio used to call those Candles. I like to read on that Candle. Thomas Cromwell.

Cromwell. That's what it is. Thomas Cromwell, which is a good hotel, Cromwell in Las Vegas. I stayed there. That's where I got the clap. As loque as. This was during the Middle Ages, though, because like- No, it wasn't the Middle Ages yet.

Yeah. It was the 800s. It was 748 to 814. So this is before the Middle Ages? That's pre-Middle Ages, right? Is the Middle Ages- No, it's the Middle Ages. It's the Middle Ages.

So meaning this before the renaissance but after rome so like education philosophy all that stuff wasn't emphasized like it was during rome right but he was he want to put an emphasis on education because he knew how important it was yeah you know for example he made it a point for people to learn latin so they can understand what's going on during church yeah yeah because before they were and then he made also another point that all of the this land that he's conquering he's like all right we have to put down the laws and we're going to put them in written words and people are going to follow them and he made sure they were enforced yeah which is nice it's a cute fucking thing to do the problem the only issue with charlemagne what's like many

rulers is when you start to combine religion like you know you know religion and state it just becomes a little bit of an issue because now he's claiming land for jesus himself yeah so when you start to claim land for religion it's like a little bit like listen guy are you all right yeah because i mean this is all just lines on a map. Okay? But at this time, he was a man of his times. This was part of the zeitgeist then. I mean, religion, you look back in history, you can see when reason is on the rise, religion is always receding.

Whenever religion is on the rise, then reason recedes. And it's an ebb and flow between religion and reason. Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby. What's up, hon? Babe, honey, listen, sweetie. You can't call me, he called me hon in Chipotle. and it's an ebb and flow between religion and reason baby baby baby what's up hun babe honey listen sweetie

you can't call me he called me hun in Chipotle you can't do that I was like you want another Medello hun yeah you can't do that

in public toots let me tell you one thing yeah okay but life is also about balance so you gotta understand

another thing what your point is true but you never will have science and religion going up at the same time so for one to prevail the other has to go down that's exactly what i was just saying yeah but by pointing yeah exactly what i just yeah but but you at you're saying but you're saying it like it's like like a bad thing

i'm saying it's just the yin and the yang it's never you're never going to have them both because science has to science if science is going up then of course religion can't exist well i believe in science and now i'm muslim after my dad did, because I believe in religion. So there you go. Well, you said you're Muslim? Big mistake. Huge. Yeah. I'm choosing Muslim now. You are? I just want to do it for the Moe Amir episode.

Did you bring in the hijab? Yeah. Yeah, I have them. You really have the hijab bombers? Yeah, not with me, but I'm bringing them for that. Just call them what you want to call them. They're muzzy hoods. I can't say that. I can't say that. No, you're saying that.

Yeah, just fucking towels. Wei Song Xie. Wei Song Xie. Honestly, just joking. I wear a towel on my head all the time. Yeah, yeah. I wear a towel on my head all the time, and I fucking plot. Wei Song Xie. I would tell him I had all the time and I'd fucking plot. Way so serious.

I always get fucking ideas to fucking. Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Venetia, go ahead. Venetia, yeah, no, my wife's speaking. Hold on, go ahead. Sorry, I'm going to put my head down. Would you make Venetia your gmar? No, Venetia's nobody's gmar.

That's the problem. That's the problem? That's the problem, yeah. But I feel like Venetia's woke and dope enough to understand that her Italian husband needs a gumare. Yeah, yeah. Word. Does Mrs. Pappas allow you to have a gumare? She's saying no, but I tell her that her culture says yes.

Yeah. Because she's Sicilian, so she needs to understand that I need to have a gumare. A gumare with no fumare. With no fumare. No fumare. This is a Patreon episode. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I joke with her all the time about it. With no fumare. No fumare. This is a Patreon episode. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I joke with her all the time about it. Shout out, Miss Pompous. By the way, Miss Pompous, great batch of cookies you cooked the other day. Just want to throw that out there. And she also loves Venetia. Phew. Wow. Yeah, she thought you were great.

You have an amazing wife. Thank you. She's gorgeous. It's so fun. Here we go. Sizing each other up. Yeah. No, seriously.

No, I mean meant i told you that the other day yeah no yeah no if that she anyone my wife likes anyone who's genuine sweet dope and woke oh right yeah likewise so word so back to setting the stage of what's going on right now this is during a time where like christianity is alive and well and everywhere in Europe. And so what happened is that Constantine, the great Constantine. The first Christian. First Christian. He wasn't Greek. Yeah, wasn't Constantine the first?

He had a Greek mom. Constantine was a Roman kid, though. Yeah, but when he put the Byzantine Empire, he created the fucking Eastern Orthodox Church, guy. But he wasn't a Greek kid. He was the first emperor to make, he made Christianity the official religion of Rome. He may have had a Greek mom, but he was a Roman kid.

But the Byzantine Empire is Constantine. The Byzantine Empire was the result of Constantine, yeah. It started with Constantine. Right, but I'm saying that the Greek Orthodox Church, I mean, they better give props to Constantine because he was the guy that said, listen, you fucking Greeks, fucks. True story.

You're going to do Jesus right now. Was he Greek, though? I didn't know he was Greek. Yeah, his listen, you fucking Greek fucks. True story. You're going to do Jesus right now. Was he Greek though? I didn't know he was Greek. Yeah, his mom was Greek. His mom was Elena. Wow, so he knew what, so Constantine knew what the Robitus were? I believe so.

His mom was Greek and his dad was black, just like you. Way sorcier. Yeah. It's possible. It's what it is. So the Empire. Yeah, that's David Dinkins.

It's character piece. A lot of 14. Yeah. After some possible. It's what it is. So the empire. That's David Dinkins. It's a character piece. A lot of 14. Yeah. Yeah. After some time, you know, the empire breaks up and it turns into like Germanic tribes, which were like the Lombards, the Franks and the Saxons. And which part, which group was Charlemagne part of? Charlemagne was part of the Franks.

He was the king of the Franks and beans. He was the king of the Franks and beans. Yeah. Because his dad pepping the squeak was fucking. So he's going around he's like you know just conquering all this land and you know he was a tough leader but yo v he liked to he liked to really behead people no yeah yeah he cut people's heads off unfortunately when the kid got a little mad what here's the thing when i need to feed my head in my butt the the worst that's going to happen is maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe I'm going to push over a Chinese. Maybe.

Wei Song Xie. So it's like, you know, that's the worst that could happen. Maybe I'll just, you know, I'll roll up the windows. Maybe you're just going to tip one over? Yeah, maybe I'll just tip one over. Yeah. Yeah, maybe that's it, you know. It's like you go, instead of going cow tipping, you just go Eastern Hemingway tipping.

Maybe, maybe, maybe some dumb millennials. Walk around Chinese town and just put your pointer finger. Maybe just a Chinese person's going to get tipped over and maybe some dumb millennial girl's not going to get her salad on time. That's just about it. Yeah, that's not it. I was enjoying this. Are we going to be able to release this episode?

Yeah. Was that okay, Venetia? I mean, Chris is going wild today. Sorry, I just want to say real quick, but Charlemagne, when he got mad, he beheaded Saxon prisoners. Yeah. Just for no reason. He cut everybody's heads off.

Yeah. But you have to understand one thing. Propaganda, back in those days, you couldn't send out pamphlets. People couldn't read and write. The only way to really impose your will and scare people was to get violent so violence existed in my opinion so much more prevalent it was so much more prevalent back then because that's the weapon that they had to do it's like now you can scare me by saying i'm going to put you in jail or you know making me read an article about something about this or that but it's like back in the day you just have to cut

fucking people's heads off and wear them around your neck and be like, this is why I'm in charge. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like, who cares about how smart you were? Yeah. You needed to be violent. Yeah.

It's funny because, you know, Rome got conquered by all these Germanic tribes. And then- Ubermensch. Constantine. I mean, then Charlemagne conquered, was the one who kind of conquered them. Charlemagne conquered Bavaria. He also conquered Lombardio. Yeah.

Lombardio's pizza. And he conquered Bavaria, which we've been to Bavaria. And make no mistake, I want to fucking snuggle up inside some Lederhosen and get cute. Yeah, we're going back to Bavaria to work for no money. But we're going to. Yeah, because Yanni just inks deals that we get no money. You told me to say yes. Yeah, because I just want to go to Germany.

Yeah. Are you going to come with us, V? Yes. Okay. Yes. Yeah, V. We're bringing the whole. I'm bringing everybody. I'm putting the plane tickets on the company to go to Germany. Yeah. Are you going to come with us, V? Let's look at it. Yes. Yeah, V. We're bringing the whole... I'm bringing everybody.

I'm putting the plane tickets on the company. Let's do it. Yeah. Because I got a credit card now, unfortunately. I know. I'm a little nervous about it. No, no, no. We got the debit cards, but I just got in the mail the credit cards, which is a big

problem because I put a high limit on it. Why? We don't need the credit cards, though. We got the debit cards. All right, dude. Daddy needs to shop. Yes. Daddy needs new fries.

I've never been to Europe. Really? You want to come to Europe, Mike? No way. You needs to shop. Yes. Daddy needs new fries. I've never been to Europe. Really? You're up, Mike? Yeah. You have to go. Yeah. Yeah, you're going to take a boat there. Yeah, we can't.

We'd invite Zach, but Zach's going to probably have a show at Chipotle. But the only problem is going to be getting through TSA. It's not going to happen. Not going to happen. But the tatties on the fingers are going to say, yeah. Yeah. Red flag. I respect that he put the tats on his fingers because it's almost like he was saying to myself hey this rap

thing has to work out now yeah yeah yeah but the thing is with charlemagne is yeah i mean he beheaded a few people but you know let's be honest like i mean people gotta go sometimes i mean the roads were even clogged in in the middle ages i mean you know sometimes it's like nice for these mass deaths because like it's a little bit less traffic for a few months. But he had laws written, which is great. So three things I liked about Charlemagne. One, he put up a lot of schools and monasteries. Two, he had the laws written out.

And three, he allowed, like Vanity said, he encouraged people to read and write and become not illiterate so they could pay attention during mass. And four, he took up the fight against the Muzzies in Spain. Yeah. Yeah, I think that should have been won. In Spain. Yeah. So, yeah. Let me just say something real quick.

Let me just be crystal clear about one thing. Yeah. If you don't think that the Crusades are still going on, you got another thing coming. You got another thing coming. They're going on big time, okay? And Jihad too, right? Jihad, the Crusades really never ended. Why have we not made a clip from that other episode where we called it the first great sports rivalry in history?

Muzzies and Christians. We just recorded that episode too. Oh, okay. You guys got good answers to dumb questions. Yeah. But you got to understand, our job is just to forget stuff. Yeah. He also made sure the laws were enforced, which is nice.

Yeah, that's nice. He had the police. So did Giuliani. Yeah, so did Giuliani. Yeah. He had some questions. The enforced Which is nice Yeah that's nice He had the police So did Giuliani Yeah so did Giuliani Yeah Yeah The only difference is Yeah there were no fucking video cameras

To fucking you know Record Walter going on yelling world star Yeah get the fuck out Nobody yelled world star In Charlemagne's time Yeah no it didn't happen Sorry should we wait Alright

Well I'm not saying anything wrong No you didn't say anything wrong Surprisingly I just braced myself It's like when you start going, I just brace myself. It's like when we started that Chino Santana, I just had a feeling by the way your body, when your jaw shoots out like an underwear draw,

I know something's coming. Yeah. You're like a cartoon that just goes, and then you just go, yeah, three white guys sitting here with two minorities working for us. Yeah, sorry. I'm so happy we don't have to. As low as. I just really, if I'm just happy we don't have to... Es lo que es.

I'm just really, if I'm just being honest, I mean, that was a drag. I mean, I have to deal with that. We got to... I know we can tackle that. We got to tackle that. No, and we're back. But the Ottomans were conquering Spain

and Charlemagne took up the fight to go fight the... Yeah, where was he for 400 years when he enslaved your people? Exactly. When the Ottomans enslaved you guys. Yeah, he was dead by then. You're making fight the quarter of the war. Yeah, where was he for 400 years when he enslaved your people? Exactly. When the Ottomans enslaved you guys. Yeah, he was dead by then.

You're making fucking furniture out of your ancestors. Yeah, V, do you got any Turkish DNA in you? She has to. I have never done Don't do it. Don't do the 20th.

You're going to find that you're a Turk. Yeah. Probably. Yeah. And then you're not allowed to marry to my family. That's no case.

Then it all just reversed. Yeah. Yeah, because my mom said no muzzies yeah thank you yeah yeah then the shoes on the other foot yeah it's what it is and i want to and it doesn't matter what foot it's on i want to have them on my feet yeah i want to wear shoes fanny so charlamagne uh obviously being so powerful he had a lot of friends in high places, specifically some popes. One friend that he had was Pope Leo III.

And Pope Leo III, he was an interesting guy. He was an interesting guy, Pope Leo III. He liked to bang on the side a little bit. Yeah, he did. Yeah, I mean, let's be honest. Let's just come on. Let's be fucking crystal clear. It's like, guy, you can't take out a human urge like sex.

Okay, nobody's called by God. Yeah. None of that is true. Okay, let them have sex. But my dad is in heaven. He's there. And my mom confirmed he was there. She went and lit a candle, right?

My mom went and lit a candle. Did Eileen lit a candle? She saw him. She what? She saw him, yep. And he was having a cup of coffee with Freddie Mercury. Because he was the gay kid. He was the gay kid.

Your dad is funny. He's got two feet in the gay section of heaven. You think there's a gay section of heaven for sure? He's got a gay section of heaven, and he's trying to sell his paintings up there. It's what he's trying to do, right? The kid loved to paint. There's no way. Is there a muzzy side of heaven, a Christian side?

I'm going to tell you the truth. Yeah. When I walk into your father's apartment today, I said, if I didn't know who lived here, if I was the guy working for the junk removal service, I would say, an old queen died here. That's not good. Your dad's a queen. Yeah, he just was. Great guy.

And you also confirmed that you think he might have had a normal piece at some point as he got older, it got smaller? I think as he got older, it just got smaller and smaller. Wait, that's scary. So is my he got older it just got smaller and smaller wait that's scary so is my piece going to continue to get smaller and smaller well our penises

are made up of the same material Slinky's made up of so they start to just that's science that's just science because religion is low science I'm telling you

we all got Slinky dicks yeah climate change is from the Chinese climate change is from the Chinese and it's just the truth the earth is flat

yeah it's true it's character piece Kyrie Irving confirmed that yeah and the fucking aliens existed guy they did exist the guy but they don't exist again see i believe that yeah that they used to exist but they don't exist they're gone no that's right guy all right john travolta's right yeah so pope leo the third um he actually busted out of jail i mean no wait he was in jail he jail. He was jailed for adultery and perjury. Which is wild that those are crimes. Well, perjury.

Perjury is still a crime. Adultery is not a crime. What kind of perjury? That's what it said. He was on the stand or something, and he lied? I guess maybe he lied about adultery. Yeah. That's probably what happened.

But it's like, yeah. Think about how wild that is. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. It's like, yeah, guy, you did. You stuck a cigar in her pussy. It's what it is. Is that actually what the truth is? He stuck a cigar in Monica Lewinsky's butt? Yeah, you didn't know about that? Like a lit cigar?

Guy, how old were you in 94? What was it, 96? It wasn't smoking a cigar. No, guy. What did he do? He put one out on a puss? He put it in her. Yeah. Like as a sex toy? Kind of, yeah. She said she didn't like it? He might have smoked it afterwards. The kid was a little bit of a freak.

He might have smoked it afterwards. Do you think he got more puss than JFK, though, or the no way? Only because he lived longer. Good point. Good point. Yeah, Mike's got good jokes. You think Billy Boy's still getting puss to this day? Billy Boy, he loves puss. There's no chance him and Hillary sleep in the same bedroom. Hillary is not into guys.

She is not into guys. Right, V? You can't say. Do any of your friends listen to this podcast, and are they going, V, what the fuck are you doing? A little bit. No, some of my friends actually do listen. What's up, V's friends?

They listen to Andrew Schultz's podcast more. No, they don't. But your friends know Sch listen What's up, these friends? They listen to Andrew Schultz's podcast more No, they don't No, but your friends know Schultz's comedy, I thought No, I said that one of my friends found you guys through Schultz Through Schultz, yeah Oh, word, dope Through Schultz, all things will come Let me ask Robot Venetia a question

Oh, yeah, get ready for Robot Venetia Did Charlemagne have fumes? Word Yeah, he does Yes, he does He's not a big fan. Yeah, okay. Cool. All right, good. Good, good.

Yeah. Will Chrissy ever be Mr. Jairus? Word. Wow. Yeah, that's another thing about me. I just think Zach lost the rest of the button. He's just hiding it. Yeah, whomever I do marry, I want to take their last name.

That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- last name. That's locus. J.D.M.'s going to be Chris 420. Yeah, she's going to be Chris 420. Yeah. So she's got to love the fact that you're referring to her as numbers. Yeah, I think, yeah.

Sure, she's really special. She's special. Yeah, she likes the pod. She really does like the pod. And she's just a funny, funny girl. How are you doing, 420? How are you? She's listening right now?

She's probably listening right now. I don't know if she's donated to the Patreon yet Probably not Does she have like a woke Woke dope drone? Her own witchy She's got a woke She's woke

Yeah she's woke And that's why it's good It's like Even some of the clips That we were concerned about putting out I was kind of like Standing like Let's not put them out

Because 420 said not to put them out Right Because 420 is woke and dope And she's like a year younger than Vanity So it's a little extra woke Right Right Yeah Right Right So basically she's the one that told us not to put it out so basically we got a yoko ono in the situation great great yeah so we need her fucking acting as a producer now yeah she laughs though yeah but that fucking quote should be out i'm gonna take that

i'm gonna post it myself okay yeah yeah um tell us cackled version. Yeah. Tell us more about Charlemagne. Wait. So Pope Leo III, he's in jail. Right. And wait, tell us what happened. He broke out.

He broke out and he fled to Charlemagne, a.k.a. Charles the Great, a.k.a. Pepin Squeak's son. Yeah. He fled to him for help. Pepin the Squeak is a better name than

Pepin the Short. Yeah, it is. And by Squeak, you know he's meaning pipsqueak everywhere. And Charlemagne agreed. Charlemagne, this is wild, because Charlemagne's not the king yet. But Charlemagne agrees to go back to Rome to help absolve Pope Leo III's name. Because Pope Leo III was arrested and jailed for adultery and perjury. So he's going back to Rome now to try to clear his name after he broke out of prison.

Because back in the day, it's like, guy, you just break out. There's no paperwork. It's like, just break out. There's no paperwork. It's like, just break out. You're fucking free. If you can get past the guards, you're free. You're free. It doesn't matter. There's no CCTV.

There's no fucking cucks blogging about where you are. There's none of that shit happening. No. So Charlemagne goes back with Pope Leo III. And Pope Leo III, once they get back to Rome, is kind of welcomed back in. And he's still the fucking pope guy. I mean, the pope's got a lot of power. So they always thought – people in the city thought that there was being favoritism shown towards Charlemagne, and they kind of knew that there was some bullshit going on.

I feel like it's almost making me feel like Charlemagne is like that character in a – like it's um what what's from game of thrones um uh uh the shadow the whisper guy various not varies the other one who they fucking who they aria star cut his throat oh that's a little finger little finger kind of charming feels a little like little finger to me am i wrong mike a little bit where he's like conniving yeah he's a little it feels like a little bit of a conniver, but he gets what he wants because Charlemagne

in 800, 800, the year 800 on Christmas Day, Charlemagne gets crowned king of the entire Holy Roman Empire by Pope Leo III

and acts like it's fucking kamikaze, surprise, surprise. Yeah. Acts like it's a sneak attack. They plan to halt, you know, it's just a character piece. Yeah, but it's a character piece

because the kid absolutely knows, like little things, he just fucking knew. Yeah. The kid knew what was going on from day one, that's why he even went back to Italy because on that road, he was saying,

look, guy, he said to Pope Lee III like this, he said, listen, I'll go back with you, but either one or two things are going to happen. Either you're going to make me, you're going to make me king of the Holy Roman Empire, or you're going to give me a blowy right now on this horse cart.

So which one's it going to be? Yeah, that's exactly how it happened. And he probably became king of the Holy Roman Empire and got a blowy anyway. Because the kid's a priest, he likes dick. Yeah, it's probably exactly how it happened right there. The amount of guys giving each other blowys and who went back home to their wives in the Middle Ages was rampant.

I mean, it's just something that would happen. Yeah, I could never- The fumes you had to get through to do oral sex back in the day was kind of wild. It's kind of wild. But you probably didn't know any better, so it cancels the fumes out. Well, let me tell you just a quick fun factual, just real quick. Okay, okay. Real quick.

Before the Crusades, which the Crusades are not even going to happen for another 400 years, real quick before the crusades which the crusades are not even going to happen for another 400 years in this time yeah sex was look sex was animalistic in the sense that i'm not talking about animalistic sex as you have it now when you feel like animals and you're spitting each other's mouths and you're you know fucking each other and then going to find your food in the garbage i'm not talking about that i'm talking about i'm talking about um yeah i'm not talking about the kind of animalistic sex you have is where you know you fucking you bang out and it's great and then you go shit on a wee-wee pad. I'm saying. Ew.

Yeah. I'm talking about, I'm talking about they watched human beings were not really that far removed, well, a lot closer to the animals as we are now. So they would only have sex for specifically for reproduction so sex being enjoyable was not something that was even thought about then so it would be common the woman would bend over and get impregnated by the man just like how they would see the dogs do it and it would happen in front of children the family everybody lived in one house so you would you would sex wasn't there was no faux pas it wasn't a thing that to do private because you went into the bathroom in public.

You had sex in public. It was very common during these times to just see people having sex because there was no sexual – there was no – I can't buy that. I don't buy that. It's what it was. Only in the crusades. He's giving it a – This book that I'm reading, which I'm not completely done with –

I bet that it happened. No, I agree that. I bet it wasn't like people would do it in public, but I don't think it was as common as you're saying right now. Well, what the book, what I was saying was the reason why I thought about it is because of the hygiene back then, because of what things smelled like and how dirty everyone's body truly was, that there was no desire to do oral sex or to make. It had to be just a physical act because they got enjoyment

out of other things with each other, like talking and playing games and doing that because sex was repulsive to them because of how bad everything smelled. People would bathe once a month. It was not common to bathe at all. Yeah, but they probably were more used to it. Like I said, they didn't know any better. No, but from according to what- So you're just saying everyone had fumes.

Everybody. There was no way you could- Okay, I'll buy it. I don't know about girls with blonde hair and blue eyes still, but most of them had fumes. Yeah. Because your theory is blonde hair can't have fumes. That's not my theory. Stop saying that.

I thought you said that was your theory. That's not my theory, no. Oh. My theory is- Are we in the Patreon? I think it's the hair that provides the fumes. I've never been with anyone who was waxed and there was fumes. I don't have fumes ever. You're a sphinx fag. I've never been with anyone who was waxed and there was fumes. I don't have fumes ever.

You're a sphinx fat. I'm a sphinx cat. I just called you a sphinx fat. A sphinx fat. You're not a sphinx cat. You're a sphinx fat. I've never, nobody's ever told me I had fumes.

You don't have fumes, but it's because you don't have any hair. See, that proves my theory. I'm hairless, so I'm fume-less. No, ha, ha, ha, fumes. Nice. Zach has fumes. So in 800, Charlemagne gets kinged.

Charlemagne gets crowned. The Frankish king. It's Christmas Day. It's Christmas Day. What's happening on Christmas? What's happening on Christmas is we're celebrating the birth of baby Jesus. But it's not real. It was not even his birthday.

It's all a character piece. Nobody cares. Yeah. Okay? There's a black radio host who calls himself Charlemagne now. I'm Jesus. Who cares Yeah you have to understand

One thing We're gonna do an episode About the Council of Nicaea In 325 AD With your boy fucking Constantine It's like they just And we're gonna have Lynn as a guest And we're just gonna

Barrel it down her throat They sat down The truth is this They just sat down At a fucking conference At the equivalent Of having a conference At some fucking bullshit

Holiday Inn Express That they converted Into a comedy club On the weekends They just had A meeting Charlemagne I'm, Constantine and the Council of Nicaea, and they just said, look, we got to make up the ideas and facts about a religion, so let's just start picking days. They were like, when do you think Jesus was born?

Somebody said, I don't know, December 25th. It's fucking cute that time of year. Yeah. But the truth is, if there were shepherds, it couldn't have been the winter. Exactly. But we're going to have Lynn as a guest, and we're been the winter. Exactly. But we're going to have Lynn as a guest, and we're going to screw that into her. We're going to have Lynn as a guest, and she's going to bring in Lindsay. It's Lynn to

Lindsay. Lindsay to Lindsay. Is we still the same time of year on that side of the world? Yeah, who knows about what's going on on that side of the world? Let's just get it out. Es lo que es. Yeah, let's just... Yeah, for me, the country fucking stops. For me, if it's not between the Atlantic and the Pacific,

I don't fucking care. A lot of 14. It's a character piece. It's just a character piece. As soon as I go east past the Atlantic, I'm actually over... The world's flat. You're out of the wall.

You're in danger of being eaten by a white wall cat. I don't know what's on the other side of the fucking ocean. It don't matter. Yeah, it's all white walkers. Everything just comes... Everything... If it's not happening in the Northeast, I don't care. It's just the fucking...

Except for Minnesota. I'm coming. I got to care. It's just the fucking. Except for Minnesota. I'm coming. I got to sell tickets. It's the fucking army of the dead. Everything outside of the wall is just the army of the dead. Yeah, it's what it is. It's character based. It's a lot of 14.

It just doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. When you fucking die, your apartment's going to be getting cleaned out by two undercover gays and two guys from the Bronx that fucking are stealing your dad's shit. It's what. So who cares? Who cares?

We're all going to the same place. You got fucking banged out for six hundo. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's no case. It doesn't matter. It all just goes. Well, at first it was 700 because he lied to me because he wanted me to tip him in cash.

Yeah. He brought it down to 100 and I gave him cash. It's just what it is. It's just what it is. It doesn't matter. It's like, you know, your dad fucking almost got himself killed in Korea to get a medal that's just getting sold on the street in the Bronx right now. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's like, you know, your dad fucking almost got himself killed in Korea to get a medal that's just getting sold on the street in the Bronx right now. It doesn't matter.

Okay. Speaking of positive things, Hitler left Charlemagne. Yeah, well, he was, yeah, Charlemagne was the inspiration for Napoleon and Hitler. He was. These are just three kids who tried to conquer the whole continent. Well, the thing is what Hitler and Napoleon liked about it is they have this obsession with unifying Europe and leading a He was. These are just three kids who tried to conquer the whole continent. Well, the thing is what Hitler and Napoleon liked about it is they have this obsession

with unifying Europe and leading a unified Europe. I mean, it's like, guys, Europe's always at war. It will always be at war because humans, it's about tribalism, not racism,

not sexism. It's just tribalism. It's a thing deep. Every animal has it. You put a lot of different tribes together, they're going to fight. Yeah.

Okay? That's why I mean you can be friends but we'll never be great friends because you're a fucking snow monk. Yeah, we're just in different tribes. Yeah, we're of different tribes together They're gonna fight Yeah Okay That's why me and you can be friends But we'll never be great friends Because you're a fucking snow monk Yeah we're just in different tribes Yeah we're in different tribes Yeah

And it's just what it is That's why a good day for me Is just sitting down And sticking a bratwurst up my ass That's what you like Because that's just what I like That's what my people like And a good day for you

Is just sit and pontificate And look at a tree And just rub feta crumble on your nipples That's what I want to do Yeah Me and Venetia We we're from the same tribe. Yeah. And Venetia's trying to get out of the tribe

by dating Port-A-Rox. That's low-key. A lot of 14. You have to admit when you're in New York, there is an abundant supply of Port-A-Rox. So that you date one is likely. Yeah, the chance, yeah yeah it's kind of like yeah when you're they're just everywhere yeah they're everywhere the chances are you at some

point in your life you're gonna poke you're gonna punch through a porter rock they're like dragon flies in summer they're everywhere they're everywhere but i love it and they all now porter rocks don't have fumes no fumes i've never been with a porter rock that has fumes i mean it's kind of wild they're fum fumeless. Yeah. Let's be honest. They're built to reproduce. They're just built. They're a thing that nature provides. Nature said, just have sex with this.

It gives babies and they don't have fumes. And they're all hot. Yeah. I mean, Venetia, her head is spinning. I'm sorry. I'm a good guy, Venetia. You've said this on other podcasts before, though. Yeah.

He's called Puerto Ricans its. He said they're... No, they're made for sex. Yeah, he just said... He didn't say it in a shitty way right now. But yeah. No, no, no. I love Puerto Rico.

My daughter's Puerto Rican. I know that. We're still going to have to cackle. I'm just kidding. Cackle now. Out of 14. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just kidding around.

I love that she's Puerto Rican. I love that she has culture and diversity because she's going to get into a better school. I told you, babe, you're going to be Latino on college applications and white on job applications. Es lo que es. That's how we sneak in?

Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. I think Puerto Ricans are just good people, fun people. Very New York. Yeah. And they're good for other things too

except banging them out. But they are hot. They're all hot. The guys too, right, B people. Very New York. Yeah. And they're good for other things too except banging them out. But they are hot. They're all hot. The guys too, right, B? Greeks are hot. Huh? Mediterranean island women are hot. But I'm into white girls now

for the first time in my life. This is the first time in your life you're into white girls? 420 is a white woman. She's white, right? She's as white as they can be. Yeah. She's Midwestern white.

Does she like white guys? For the most part. About 70%. I can take those numbers. It doesn't matter if it washes off after 10 years. Wei Zhongxian. Wei Zhongxian. Wei Zhongxian. Wei Zhongxian.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Wei Zhongxian. It's all jokes. Wei Zhongxian. We're just trying to make you laugh. It's all jokes. It's all fucking jokes. We're never going to get on Spotify this way. No.

No, we will. Yeah, we will. This happened on Christmas. Christmas is coming up. It is coming up. I don't know. Are we going to do Secret Santa? Yes. Let's do it. I'm going to go to every party. I don't know. Are we going to do Secret Santa?

Yeah, let's do it. I'm going to go to every party. I just want, I don't want to go to any parties where there's any Jews there. Is that too much to ask? I've had enough. I want to celebrate Christmas with Christians.

I don't think that's too much to ask. It's not too much to ask. My dad's in heaven and I'm just, I got to cross the border. Yeah, it's just, it's one of those things where it's like,

if you go to a Hanukkah party, you want there to be Jews there and no Christians. I just, I mean, you know, just for one day. And it's like, yeah, listen, it's like, but now you got to say happy holidays. It's like, you want there to be Jews there and no Christians. I just, I mean, you know, just for one day. And it's like, listen,

it's like, but now you got to say happy holidays. It's like, I'm going to say Merry Christmas. If you don't say it back, then it's like, it's fine. It's no problem.

But it's like, I'm saying Merry Christmas because that's the one I celebrate. Yeah. If I knew anything about fucking Quanzimodo or fucking, or, or Chunika,

I'd say happy that. But I, unfortunately, I was raised Christian, so I'll say Merry Christmas. If you get offended by that, then I got fucking two words for you, Donald Trump. Yeah. It's character pieces.

It's character pieces. It's character pieces. And if Donald Trump doesn't work, you got a catapult you can roll out. Yeah, I got a catapult I can roll out. No, I'm just kidding. No, I'm just kidding around. This is all jokes. No, I'm laughing.

Quanzi Moto sounds fun. Yeah, Quanzi Moto is a good, it's Kwanzaa. You just go into Kwanzaa parties with a pillow on your shirt. Yeah. Get back. It's Kwanzaa. You just go into Kwanzaa parties with a pillow on your shirt. Yeah. It's like the world's best costume. Yeah, I'm Kwanzaa Moto. Kwanzaa Moto. I'm Kwanzaa Moto.

Yeah. You're Kwanzaa Moto. I come in with a dashiki and a hunchback. Yeah. Yeah, and I just come rolling in and I'm just... Yeah. In blackface. You got to do it blackface.

Yeah, in blackface. Yeah. If you're going to give me Kwanzaa Moto, you got to be in blackface. Kwanzaa Moto, yeah. That's who I am. As low-key as... Encourage that. I mean, to be Kwanzaa Motor, you got to be in blackface. Kwanzaa Motor, yeah. So that's who I am. As low-key as. Encourage that. I mean, we don't encourage that.

Don't write anything about that on the Patreon wall. Yeah, but the Canadian Prime Minister got away with it. He's just gotten away with it. That wasn't blackface. That was using a costume. He had darker skin makeup on. Owen Benjamin was right about him. No, he was in blackface.

No, blackface. Okay. Before Tropic Thunder, Blackface was like doing minstrel shit where it's like, that's why you can make

a movie Soul Man and not be racist. Now we look back on it and it's like, that's kind of fucked up. But that wasn't what you would do then. Then it was just a costume.

Yeah, people were just too sensitive. There wasn't a hate with it. Like the whole problem without like, with that shit was like, oh shit, yeah, this guy

isn't he obviously is making fun of black people yeah well the thing is like that's why Robert Downey Jr. is like there's nothing racist about that they still do that in Greece by the way like what he they do blackface

like around like Apocryas but they don't know like when i was teaching there like we had uh the kids had to present and like do this huge project where they became this like one figure and so some of them did like people in history who are black and so we had to like so some when it came the day where they had to bring in like the costume they came in like with makeup as well and i was like okay let's talk about blackface so it was like really funny they had no have to communicate that to them and when it's around apocryas like you know uh near easter time and everybody's dressing up like the greek halloween or the european uh they you see people out like in blackface and i'm like oh my gosh this is a culture shock to me but

when you tried to explain to them they had no idea what you're talking about they were like they were like what to be hateful. This is just so normal. I'm a basketball player. It's like when I'm like, no, don't do that. I used to perform at comic book conventions and all that other shit. It's like when you see a black guy dress up as Superman. It's like, yeah, he's just doing the character. He's putting on a white hair wig.

He's doing a character piece. Yeah. It's a costume. There's not hate. There are people who character piece. Yeah. It's a costume. There's not hate. There are people who do fuck it up. That's the problem. People who did have hate in their hearts fuck it up for everybody else. Yeah, but that's the thing.

Anytime you generalize any rule, it's just always stupid. It's like you got to go individual to individual. I mean, not generalized. Obviously, certain rules, you can't murder anyone. But things like that, it's like, come on, guy. anyone but it's like things like that it's like come on guy yeah like yeah if certain like you said if yeah if you're a fucking guy and you're also you know you you know you have a kkk tattooed on your arm i don't want to see you in blackface yeah let's make a note i want to do an episode on al jolson can we make a note of that yeah yeah we're not supposed to be talking about business

on the podcast no but that's a good one because we're talking about blackface and he's a very interesting interesting uh member of United States history. Yeah. Very recent, because he performed in blackface, but black people loved him, which is wild. He's from The Jazz Singer, right? That was the first audio to movie, the first time that they actually recorded something live and used that audio in the movie. Wow, I didn't know that. But we'll do an episode on Al Jolson.

Zach's got facts. Yeah, he's got facts. He's got bars too. It's one of his tattoos. Yeah. And also we should do an episode on the rape of Nan King.

Let's talk about it after. Sorry, yeah, let's talk about it after. We need a green screen. But I mean, Charlemagne, he died at 66. The kid went a long way

for that. The kid lived a good life. Yeah, I mean, for a kid that was alive in the 1800s. Yeah, well, your diet was fucking rats and Slavic people. Yeah. I mean, for a kid that was alive in the 1800s. Yeah, where your diet was fucking rats and Slavic people. Yeah.

And also, like you said before, it's like nobody was moving around back then. So when you came into contact with another group of people, a lot of people just dropped dead just from germ exposure. That's what it was. So to live to 66, pretty strong kid. I'm telling you, the leading cause of death, all this stuff, STDs killed everybody back then. Yeah. Yeah.

So he was basically the king of the Lombards, Franks, and Saxons, three powerful Germanic tribes. Yeah. Yeah. Who initially sacked Rome. That's what it is. The Reich means business. Yeah.

Way song she ain't. Yeah. When Venetia gives you the light, you know it's bad. Yeah. Venetia's like the light, you know it's bad. Yeah. Venetia's like, all right, wrap it up. But he was a Germanic kid who was known as the protector of Rome, though. He brought Rome back. This is when everything just started to mix up.

Like, genetically, I think everyone at this point is like starting. The Germanic tribes are now Roman. Everyone's kind of just moving around. People are conquering each other. Yeah, the Vikings are up here. There's only one clean distinction, and that's Muzzies. Yeah. Yeah, there's only between Muzzies and Europeans.

That's when this shit started. Well, I said on another episode, I mean, even during the Crusades, when the Christians went through to crusade into the Middle East, they would have sex with all the Muslim women, but the Muslim, when they came to Europe, they did not touch the Christian women. They believed them to be unclean and they didn't rape

and they don't want to do any of that. But the Christians did. So it's like, you know, white people are just bad people. Yeah, all of them. So, yeah. What can you do? All right, well.

He fought the Ottomans a little bit. I guess he went up to Spain and fought them. Yeah, I mean, you know, a couple Ottomans got punched through. Yeah, Ottomans got punched through. Ottomans also punched through Europe Yeah, Ottomans got punched through. Ottomans also punched through Europe. Yeah.

They punched through Greece. They punched through a lot of what is now Italy and they punched all the way up to Spain. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So he went and fought them, right? Charlemagne? Yeah. Your dad had a few Ottomans in his apartment. He did. He did have a few. Yeah, and a few.

Your dad liked to get fucking comfy, wumpy and paint a picture Yeah So Charlemagne just died In 814 And that was it And the father of Europe

Was dead Oh yeah Yeah And we can't forget To give a shout out To our sponsors Who are fucking Who

Are not our sponsors I mean Oh there's Yeah shit Oh well Well obviously Tank Sinatra As always

Thank you Small business Sponsor We appreciate you Go to At Tank's Good News On Instagram And at Tank Sinatra it oh well well obviously tanks and ultra as always thank you small business uh sponsor appreciate you go to um at tanks good news on instagram and at tanks and ultra thanks so much uh george um i love you and i we know you wear tighty whities um and then james al tucher um bitcoin millionaire um never told us what to say because he's just got so much money it doesn't matter he just gives 500 a month and it's just I mean, it might as well be given a penny. It doesn't matter. Kid's got great hair.

He's a Jewish kid that Giannis does tolerate around the holidays because he gives money. I always tolerate Jews around the holidays. Go to his comedy club, Stand Up New York. One of the best clubs in the city. They always got great shows up there. That's at Stand Up New York on Twitter and Instagram. And thank you. Shout out

James Altucher. And then the other six sponsors we have, they're only giving a hundo. Fucking thanks a lot. You remember their names. What are they? Yeah. CBD Script. You know, fucking whatever. Nutrition Made Fun. V doesn't like any of that. You can put a smile on.

Yeah, put a smile on. CBD Script. Thank you so much for your service and what you do for the community. Giving everyone CBD and putting them them opening up their third eye. At Nutrition Made Fun, the kid gets you healthy. He makes a nice acai bowl. He's going to get punched through when I do a theater in Seattle. 9th Street Auto Collision, which is on Long Island, not 9th Street in Manhattan.

They crack open and clean out your car. In Huntington. In Huntington. Lakeside Maple. Go to his website, at Lakeside Maple. On Instagram, I'm sorry. Put some granola. Bunch it up.

Put it in your ass. No, trail mix. Put some trail mix up your butt. You know, a lot of people say that, too. Someone just wrote that on the Patreon. You put it in your yogurt, you put it in your ass. Yeah, and then we got Sandra Azizi, who's a GI doctor. Sandra Azizi is a GI doctor who does comedy.

So it's like, you know, what are you going to fucking do? At this point, we've just renamed him Sandra. Yeah. It's Sandra. I think it is Sandra, right? It's Sandra, but we've just... Yeah. It's Sandra at this point.

Such a nice kid. Yeah, Vidor Rajpasco, live from the Sandbox.com. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's got. Live from the Sandbox. No, he's got. from the sandbox No he's got And then who's the

Fucking 6FF Oh my boy Yeah Harvey Spencer Jr. Harvey Spencer Jr. Healthyhappysmile.com Rocky Mountain South Carolina

Rocky Hill South Carolina Rock Hill South Carolina Rock Hill South Carolina His teeth A healthy happy smile

Healthy happy smile Cosmetic dentistry Cosmetic dentistry Go get your teeth Cracked open And cleaned out What's his Instagram again At A healthy, happy smile. A healthy, happy smile. Cosmetic dentistry. Cosmetic dentistry. Go get your teeth cracked open and cleaned out. What's his Instagram again? At Rockhill. Huh?

I don't know. I mean, these people just have us on autopay. They don't care. We'll post them on our account. Huh? We'll post them on our account. We haven't done that in a minute. Yeah, we're going to post it on our account.

Chris wants to get rid of a bat. It's just... We're worth more now. We have 15 new members from the last two days. That's amazing. Should we read them right now, or do you want to read the next episode? No, we're going to read them. Let's do it now. It's 15 of them.

All right. Let's call this episode Giannis and Chris having a Modelo. How about Mike reads them, and then we'll see if we can both laugh. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do that. And also, put Mike in a better mood, and it's good. Yeah. He's in a bad mood because of someone whose name starts with an L.

Yeah, the heat. I already feel a lot better. The heat's on. The heat's on. I need to cool off a little bit so Mike can start talking. Yeah. All right. We have Owen put Giannis' lap on a dish so I can eat that bish timmons.

Good one. Yeah. Yeah. Good. K-Ute, Mr. McToot. Nice. Nice. Cute Mr. McToot.

I like it. First one you got to take note of. That was better than the second one. The second one was a little bit on the fence. Joey, steel pipe for the Reich Dolph. Steel pipe for the Reich. I don't know where you get those ideas. Yeah, nobody's rhymed that yet, though.

So I got to give that a yes. That's funny. Ramon Beza. Okay, straight to the back. Yeah, I'm here for the content. But how do you say I'm here for the content In Spanish I don't know Es lo que es

Yeah whatever How do you say it in Greek Es lo que es Es lo que es in Greek No how do you say I'm here for the content In Greek Y me doy a tu

Diabas ma Yeah Saying putes Yeah Y me doy a tu diabas She's from the Upper West Side She's like Just say fucking woke dope

Yeah just fucking whatever Just say you're gonna to vote for Bernie. Do we love it? Dope. Dope. Vanity is fucking she's bold though. She is bold as fuck. Brittany told me they didn't have her name at the fucking door at the Gramercy and she was like, um, no.

Let me speak to fucking whoever the head is blah blah blah and you got it worked out. No, I got it worked out because I asked for one more ticket than... Wow. Okay, I got it worked out because I asked for one more ticket than... Wow. Okay, I'm sorry, Mike. Mike worked it out. Definitely otherwise.

They told me that they were getting the girl. No, she was like, how many do you need again? And I said, this many. Okay, so... She was stupid. She didn't even read my name. She's like, where's your name?

I was like, you just crossed it out. So thank you, Mike. No, it was because of Boat. It was a tag team effort. You guys are a great team. You guys are a great team. Yeah. Together, forget it. The best. But that credit goes to Mike. I'm sorry. No, Mike. Because of Boat, it was a tag team effort. You guys are a great team. You guys are a great team. Yeah. Together, forget it.

The best. But that credit goes to Mike. I'm sorry. No, no. She got her distracted, and then I was able to. Word. She was so frazzled that I was like, just give me the fucking name. Okay.

Mike, you're doing great. You're doing great. Yeah. Dope. Sorry. Zach. Word. Zach, last name is Wood, and I've got an inch for every letter.

Do it again. It was hard. You've got to dry that one up a little bit. Word. Zach, last name is Wood, and I've got an inch for every letter. Wait, do it again. It was hard to, you got to dry that one up a little bit. Word. Zach, last name is Wood, and I've got an inch for every letter. Nice. Nice. Nice, but it didn't make us laugh.

So I'm going to go. We're not done. We still have a lot more. I'm just going Clyde Drexler on that one. It was a good one. Yeah. But. Jack Ball's riper than the age of Yanni's late father, R.I.P.

Diven. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. R.I.P. Diven. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. OK. Yeah. It's what it is.

Yeah. He's getting he's in contention. He's a contender. Samantha. Straight to the back. Straight to the back. For the content. Snapshot.

TV. Frankie cracked and cleaned out Krusty Kumbh. Stay on Chrissy's love sex. Yeah. Krusty Kumbh. Yeah. He's what he's saying. I'm saying, Krusty Kumpstein's funny. What are you saying?

By the way, I don't have Snapchat anymore for anyone who's been messaging me on Instagram why I'm not opening their snaps, because I don't have Snap. But if you do want to send something, CDTV. Yeah. But I don't have it anymore. I'm saying Clyde Drexler on that one. Good one, though. Good one. It's a good one.

It's an honorable mention. Alan Fontaine. I'm here for the content. Merton Bhutan. Straight to the back. Back. Where's an honorable mention. Alan Fontaine. I'm here for the content. Merton. Bhutan. Straight to the back. Where's your porn section? Yeah.

John Paul G. Swind. Yep. Oh, wow. Looking for porn? Yeah, looking for porn. That's a priest kid. Dylan the cute Polish pseudo-toot. Okay.

Yeah, he's having fun. Yeah. But he hit a single. He wasn't going for the fences. Yeah. Dallas Wolfale. Here for the fences. Yeah. Dallas will fail. Here for the content. And finally, Venetia uses my beard as a chair during matriarchy meetings as a power move. It's a little filthy.

We're going to have to just reject that on the filth. Word. So, yeah. Did you get that one, Chrissy? I don't want it to be read again because if it's uncomfortable, but I didn't get it. It was uncomfortable. Yeah, I didn't get it. It was uncomfortable. Yeah, I didn't get it. We're going to just throw that one out.

Who won, guys? Who's the PPW? I think it was the... Read them again. Can you read the honorable mentions? The contenders? We had Owen put Giannis' ass on a dish so I can eat that bitch Timmons. Ass on a dish is funny. Yeah, but what do you guys think?

Let's see what else we have Okay, alright And we had Jack Balls Riper of the age of Yanni's late father RIP Yeah, Jack Balls Yeah, Jack Balls is the winner Jack Balls

Jack Balls, yeah Jack Balls, you're a fucking fucked up kid But you won Yeah, you fucking won So that's it People went to patreon.com Slash Bay Ridge Boys Thank you so much

YannisPapasComedy.com HistoryOfHahinas.com Christ went to Patreon.com Slash Bay Ridge Boys Thank you so much GiannisPapasComedy.com HistoryofHaheenas.com ChristyComedy.com Yeah go get the rest Of the tickets For that last show For Christy at Gotham Oh no it's out

It's December Oh it's coming out later Yeah Check out our merch Because it's Some holidays guys Oh yeah The cute shirt

Yeah Fucking Benetia So screwed it HistoryofHaheenas.com Yes Go get our shirts Yeah buy them For your Uncle Russell's I love the cute shirt. Yeah. Fucking Benetti is so screwed in. Historyhyenas.com. Yes. Go get our shirts. Yeah, buy them for your Uncle Russell's.

Yeah, buy them for your, yeah, as Christmas gifts. Historyhyenas.com for all your merch. Also, I'll be at Gotham in February, and I'll be at Uncle Vinny's in February. Go get those tickets. Right. The merch we have out there right now is limited time. We're going to have a new website, new batch of shit later next year. Yeah, we've got the truffle pig on it. Yeah. So get it while you can. Not that we don't love you, Elvis, but you know.

Oh. No, I just meant the designs. I didn't mean... Oh, yeah. Oh. Cackle, we're back. Sorry. I'm sorry we make you guys work overtime. Yeah. Yeah. What are you going to do? Elvis has left the building. All right. See you later. Bye.