History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Akaash Singh is WILD! - 188

Episode Date: February 3, 2021

The Hyenas have Akaash Singh on the poddy and things GET WILD YAAASSSSS! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up everybody? Welcome to another episode of the History Hyenas. We have myself, we have Janis Papas, and then we have Akash, the super spreading Sandy. Yeah, just come clean with me. Hurricane Sandy out this mid-June. Come clean with the nickname that you came up with. It's off the dome. I want to say it's a great nickname. It's hilarious.

And then I want to say you are not a real doctor. I've taken your advice one too many times, but you just said how death creeps in through the teeth. And I know for a fact, just out of instinct, that it's not true. Because when people die of heart attacks or people die of other stuff, I've never heard any doctor go,

it all started with a cavity. Google, Google, if you wanna Google it, you could Google it. There are a lot of studies that that is why when you get certain types of dental work done, they give you antibiotics, so all the stuff from your cavities and all the debris from your teeth

doesn't go into your heart. Yeah, well, whatever's gonna kill you is gonna kill you, but I got the protection of my God on my mug, so I'm not gonna get killed through the teeth. Here's the thing, obviously it's pretty clear now, is I love Allah Allah doesn't love you, too So Allah loves me

You're invincible yes, we don't know because I'm fucking white deal with We have a theory Akash we got a theory that he's had so many Viruses and venereal diseases that Corona showed up and it was like a crowded elevator. It was like, I'll take the next one and it just went one down to me. Your immune system has been in boot camp. Yes.

It's just been running tough. Listen, I'm still doing the thing where like, mask on or distance and take it seriously, but multiple doctors have said it's gotta come down to T cells now. I don't know what's going on because you were the third instance where I was in a room with someone

who didn't know they had it. And the only time you were not having sex with those guys was that scene. Yes, the only time. Because Donnie, you definitely banged out. I banged out Donnie. And Andrew Santino, you at least kiss a lot. I kiss him on the lips a lot.

I have a few pictures of his penis. So yeah, but Akash, you're all better now. And you have a size 30 waist and you said you're skinny fat. Honey bunny, you're not, girl. You're not skinny fat. Yeah, first of all, thank God we're okay. Thank God everybody's okay. And I apologize in front of our fans

for saying I wanted to blow up India. I don't care about that. And telling people that you came in sick. You obviously didn't come in sick. You're telling Joe Rogan! That's, that's. I mean what the fuck telling people? Let's be honest here, you told Joe Rogan!

Fucking idiot! That's what I. When he's getting on Rogan, he's back on Rogan, he's gonna go on Rogan January 8th! Oh shit, all right, why didn't I fuck that up? You're gonna get us kicked out of here. We're excited. You're screaming at the top of your lungs. Yeah, who're gonna fuck that up. You're gonna get us kicked out of here. We're excited. You're screaming at the top of your lungs.

Yeah, who cares? These fucking... Eat them out. Cus, when you come in this hot, that means we're not gonna be able to get through two episodes. Yeah, Cus, we'll be able to get through two episodes. Akash, give me some hummus. Yo.

Yo. So, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. The road that I didn't, I completely understood. I was a 104 fever, and he asked asked and I said I want to blow up India Yeah, I completely understood why you were upset Especially if I had to move Rogan I'd be fucking livid if I was you I was more upset about the new band I can also completely and you have a newborn and a wife and I completely understand you being like I think this guy might have come in sick all that but when it got to Rogan then I was like

Oh, this is a problem. I think this is a problem. I think he was the only come in sick all that but when it got to Rogan then I was like, oh this is a problem I think this is a problem. I think he was the only person I said that to yeah, but Rogan is comedy Like if he says Akash spread corona, that's just the fact I followed up with him Wikipedia And he was like, I know he was like I understand you were sick and I Thank you for that. He was like, but I he he get I'll show you the text I show you so you have proof that I have Twitter DMs. How funny would it be if I'm just lying about all that and well you

are and I just go to I just go to Austin and like I just go like hey I'm in Austin and then I go what do I do now yeah cuz the lies gone too far which is a situation you've been in probably a lot of times. Yeah! Yeah, because, I mean, literally I started- Which is a situation I put myself in when I told my family-in-laws that the wine that Binky got me was the wine that I got for them.

Sorry to stop it. It's a lie, Binky got it for me. That's for the regant. Because I've been spending too much time with Chrissy Deane, the lie just came out and it felt fucking good. Nice, just hit him with it. I started comedy, the first time I ever got on stage was I did a comedy class in 2008

and then I didn't do comedy again until like late 2009 to get through physical therapy school. But I started telling people I was doing standup and had shows in 2005. So in 2005 I was telling people in my college, St. Joseph's College, that I had a show and it would always get canceled because of the weather. Also, when he started, Jersey Shore was really big.

And Guido's were big. So he just was Italian. He had an imaginary cousin. Yeah, DiStefano. I'm just from Brooklyn. He had an air like that. I mean, Chris is who he wants to be or who you want him to be whenever it is.

Because what else is the point of doing comedy if you're not gonna escape into different lives on stage? I love how sometimes people will be like, you know, I'll see on YouTube or whatever, people are like, you tell that story on the podcast a different way, what's the truth? Who cares what the truth is? Just listen for entertainment.

Why can't people just laugh? Just fucking laugh. What are we, am I doing Ted Talks? Are we in a meeting? I'm telling you shit to make you laugh so you forget about your fucking life, you incel fuck. Just listen to the things. I don't know which way I'm doing it.

Yeah, and it's nice to break out of reality and live. Like, you know what I mean? Because like I said. I don't wanna touch the mic. Yeah, I told Chris, I said, you know, Chris is a kid who we call him Chrissy chaos and he's, he's bi-gendered. We're both bi-gendered in some way.

Yeah. Yeah. Chrissy Clarice slayers. And I think Chris should become very ultra liberal and woke because then he would have 137 genders to choose from. Yes. So when you get bored of one, you could become another one and you could be two at the same time.

If you want, here's the thing. You could do the Tim Dillon thing where you're like still like pretty hardcore Republican. Where you could- Where I'm actually gay. Where you could bang out an underage TikToker, absolutely. Absolutely. I will-

You could get through that. I will 100% go liberal for the next four years because I'm just gonna have to, because you have to survive. But once Trump gets back in office in 2024, I'm gonna really come out swinging, especially on the house on the island. Oh, property.

If I have fucking property and a gun, like, do you understand if Trump gets back in what it's going to be like? I mean, it's going to be Trump flags on a fucking boat. Yeah. Oh, buddy. I mean, I'm really going to get serious. Yeah. When I'm 40 plus and I have nothing, especially if my career, if these things take off. Oh, my God. And I. Let me say something. If you move to my career, if these things take off, oh my God.

Let me tell you something, if you move to the island, bring the Trump flags with you now. Right. You're fine. That's what it is. Yeah, you could paint it on your garage door and someone would come put flowers in memoriam for his last election. Absolutely.

I mean, I think people in Long Island and places that voted Trump are going to treat his lost presidency like we treat our grandparents' graves. They're just gonna put flowers in front of Trump Tower for four years. The only thing is though, is Trump supporters just gonna take the loss like what it is, not fucking crybabies like everybody liberal who's just gonna fucking be like,

eh, defund him. I watched one of those loose chains, zeitgeist something with the Bilderberg group. It's ridiculous. They're just like, they're having a meeting right now and it's just motherfuckers in a suit hanging out. I don't get caught up in any of the conspiracies, but I do acknowledge, and this is me not going any point past, it is strange that no steel skyscrapers

have ever fallen uh... and three fell in the same way on the same day that is strange and one in madrid burnt for like you know because a lot of people say well the planes in him but yet the plane's hitting them is not the reason they felt the plane uh... it was supposedly the jet fuel burning that might steal the compromise them yes which seems a little are just seems like now and then we attack the, which seems a little odd. It just seems like now. And then we attacked Iraq, it seems a little odd.

In 2001 or 2002, 2003, there's no way you could get me to believe that at all. But now as so many things have come out where it's like, this is conspiracy, that's proven. You start to think like, wait a second, maybe it was. I mean, this was before we knew that Hillary was a shape shifter. Was the coronavirus? Yeah.

That George Soros is funding the protest, and that 5G towers are putting microchips in our balls. That was before we knew that. By the way, now that we know that, it does seem suspicious about 9-Eleven. Those Christmas gift? Those shoes? Let's get some shoes.

Let's get some shoes. Remember that viral video? Yeah, are those a little Christmas gift? These are my work, I would never wear these on the potty except for the fact that I'm staying in Long Island against my will. And these are my workout kits. Because you shoot ropes.

You shoot ropes on your sneakers. Those are ropes. These are shooting ropes, yeah. I've been shooting ropes too because it's infrequent. Here's the thing. My mama. When you have a newborn, when you get a newborn, you just, yeah, you just get locked and loaded.

I know what it is. I love when the truth comes out quietly and nobody hears it. Yeah. But it's like a thing that's really bothering you. Oh, yeah. No, dude. And you just have to shoot a rope wherever it is. Like, I remember being I remember babies are cock blockers. So I remember I remember being in the shower. And the only place I could jerk off was in the shower

because there's kids everywhere, you know, everywhere. And I jerked off on by accidentally my daughter's fucking scrub it up. Johnson Johnson baby soap. Jesus Christ. Just put a little load on it and then have to wash it off because it's just you gotta just.

At least you washed it off. What if you didn't notice? You just know it's like how many times, you know, you gotta have sex when the kid goes to sleep. You know, there's been times we have sex and I fucking have, you know, her fucking binky on my shoe. There's just nothing you could you know you got to have sex when the kid goes to sleep You know there's been times we have sex and I fucking have you know her fucking binky on my shoe There's just nothing you could do when you have kids. Yeah, you know you're still living with mom. Yes Yeah, yes, well you mean my baby. Yes

It's a legitimate question I thought cuz when you said mom because the thing is I have a mom and then I call my daughter mom and then I Have a baby's mom who's my girlfriend again? Yeah, no, but you call your mom mom and then I have a baby's mom who's now my girlfriend again. Yeah, no, but you call your mom mom and then you call your baby's mom mommy and mommy. And mommy, yeah. But my actual mama, my mom, my biological mom, this is a wild thing.

She worked in the second tower that was there. And doesn't like people on welfare. She, let's just say she, I don't know, that, I think she's okay with that. Let's just say she lit a candle for the Trump family. Yeah, she's gonna have four more years, the next four years is gonna be a little rough for her. So it's just what it is, but you know what?

I mean, what do you want me to say? She's, so, but she worked in the second tower that was hit, and you know what she said? She said, every- Don't have Akash on the podcast, that filthy motherfucker. Well she said, just make sure you have Purell, which we have.

Yeah, but he's Indian, we're being really insensitive to how much of a contribution South Asians have made to the American economic landscape. Absolutely. He didn't blow up anything, he's Hindu, they're peaceful people, and like I said on his podcast, they gave us the Kamasutra, and they also gave us Nimesh Patel and Akash Singh

and a lot of other good stuff. They gave us Hank Azaria to voice up who? Yes, they gave us that. That's a fact. Yeah, Kumail Nanjiani who's fucking Jack. Who's fucking Jack? The kids are Jews. He's got the same stereotype as Texan.

Yeah, I mean they gave us the other kid. Aziz? No, but what's the other one's name? Who did the other one? Kumail's Pakistani. Kumail's Pakistani, so they fucked up Yeah, we did a whole thing on on when we did Gandhi the Indian Pakistan. Yeah, how's about it, dude? Yeah, parents told me around the dirt. No, but you can marry anyone except with dirty Pakistani

That's what he's very basic happen But it's crazy that I didn't realize like the true beef between them and the whole fucking land, you know You know, it was it's a whole thing with Pakistan and India. Yeah, he was against that, but. Gandhi was. He was, he was very upset about it. Gandhi was against it, but then. Because we cannot talk about fucking Gandhi

because I do not want to get Corona again. So that shit happened. We got karma, we talked about it on our last episode. It was karma. My body knew. Because you were talking shit about Gandhi. My body just knew. And then fucking the elephant god came down

and did this shit. And then we got fucking gene eat and I got fucking corona and me and Alex had the GI symptoms my fever once got the 102 that was it he was up to 104 for like seven days and he was like no big deal yeah you know shit my brains out I thought I was gonna be dead the comic who I think gave it to me gave it to his brother-in-law he's got it from 105 yeah but he survived yeah everybody's good whatever strain we all got was it was a gave it to his brother-in-law, he's got it from 105. Whoa. Yeah, buddy. Everybody survived. Yeah, everybody's good. Whatever strain we all got was, it was a tough one.

Yeah. There was one point where I swear to God, and this is what freaked me out a little bit, I had the thought, I was like, how long is this shit gonna last because that's how sick I felt? I was like, is the only way out of feeling like this being dead?

And that thought freaked me the fuck out. Because when you're sick like that that a minute seems like a year and I was quarantined here and that was at the time where we had fucking equipment going all the way into that room So I was just like on the bed and I couldn't walk any less horrendous. Yeah, and just every minute. I was worried about Like my fit like you were very worried. Yeah, you know, it's like I was so sick and fucking I was so sick and fucking, I was so sick and delusional. And when you have a fever,

you start to hallucinate a little bit, which is, I started calling me wee. It was like, you get weird when you're like not eating and not sleeping. The fevers and the chills make it hard to sleep. And so I can only imagine what you were going through because you had to worry about 300 people. Yeah, no, I gave it, when Colin Quinn got it,

I was like, maybe if I was on a bridge, I'd have jumped. Because that's like this too much because there's so talk to him. Colin Quinn, as soon as I told him, I know he cared. He was like, oh, well, it doesn't matter. He's probably putting on a strong face to you because he's a father figure to you. But when I spoke to him, it was a different story. And I'm being honest that he would probably admit he was like, oh, God. Every minute he was a fucking. Can you believe it?

It sounded like he was like would probably admit it. He was like, oh God, every minute he was like, fucking, can you believe it? Oh fuck. It sounded like he was presently having it. He goes, God, fucking yeah, it was bad. He was like, yeah, I fucking had a heart attack, so they gave me the fucking, I got an arrangement for the fucking, he was like, Jesus Christ, fucking, he's like, and he's like, if there's one person I fucking kill,

I kill Chris, because he fucking didn't get it. And then he goes, the fucking pizza you guys ordered. He went back to the pizza, but he told me. I mean, we gave him with the worst pizza. He told me, he actually told me, he was like, he was sick, man. Like he got sick and him and his wife were sick. But he got the vitamin drip

or whatever that fucking thing they give him. And everyone is 100% with strong antibodies. But dude, the virus sucks. Cause I'm living it up. I went to Aruba. People don't know how long it lasts. Do you have like a new lease on life like me? Like I felt like I would, when I was sick,

I felt like I would do anything just to have health. And now that I have it, every morning I wake up, I just feel like I don't care what happens. I'm just so happy that everyone's healthy, that I'm healthy, that you're healthy, that Alex is healthy. Schultz, I knew he was gonna beat it because he had that Netflix show and he was gonna will himself to the finish line. Yeah, yeah, that's what he'd be doing. I mean, that I'm healthy, that you're healthy, that Alex is healthy. Schultz, I knew he was gonna beat it because he had that Netflix show

and he was gonna will himself to the finish line. So I mean, that thing didn't even affect him. He had like a fucking nose cold. I was physically so okay. It was crazy. I was just tired. My fever was at like 99. It wasn't even high enough to be corona temperature.

And that's it. I had a cough that came on later. You only killed you, but you got like 300. Yeah. I would rather have killed me and got the 300, so I had to deal with the guilt. The guilt was awful. The problem is, though, if you die, here's the issue with you.

You can tell I have corona. Look how red I am. Yeah. If you die, though, the issue is with you die, is you're going to have to... It's like I'm celebrating giving you guys corona. You're going to have to kill your wife, too, because people are going to start flying into her DMs.

Because, I mean, if any of the, I don't know if you ever accidentally post it. Do your fans know who she is or have a, he posted the video of their engagement. Like, yeah, your fans were just gonna, they're gonna be fucking in there. I posted a picture of me and my wife by the tree. Your wife is beautiful too.

And it was a mistake. I'm being more respectful about it. Our fans were. But she's a beautiful woman. Thank you. You can call her peace, you can get me back. Not enough. Yeah, she's a peace. And if being more respectful about it our fans, but she's a beautiful woman Thank you. You can call it a piece. You can get me back. Not yeah, you'd fuck She's a piece and if I dies a piece, you know what I mean? And you got single you'd all fucking try to get in there, especially this piece of shit. No, no No, she doesn't have a tattoo on her too. I'm not into it. She would know but um, she doesn't have a tattoo on her

She had for me. It's got girls have to have tattoos. He's an adverse to mad I feel like you fuck so many girls now you're, it's like watching a lot of porn where you see the weird and weirder things. Yeah, I've just said. He's getting close to guys. He's going the Magic Johnson, Isaiah Thomas route. Like it's gotten to the point where you can only fuck

so many girls before you get curious about guys. The girls, Chris says he fucks. I'm constantly just like, I'm astonished. I have seen them and I would have fallen in love and ruined my whole life for every one of them. And he can't remember their names or the events at all. So I don't even know why he does them because he can't remember them.

Yeah, I don't know. He calls everyone babe, he doesn't know their name. But I'm better now. Yeah, they never question it because they're all named babe. Yeah, I will say though. He used to just say, I gotta pick up the baby and then he'd get out of there because

the baby was under the window. I was on a, because I used to use that line all the time, I gotta pick up the baby. literally was on a cruise ship I was on a because I used to use that line all the time I gotta pick up the baby I was on a cruise ship once hooked up with a girl she was in my room and then I was like I gotta go I gotta go pick up the baby and we were in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean yeah it's just yes I posted that pic of my wife by the tree and our fans a lot of them were very disrespectful yeah fans be disrespectful don't worry about you know fuck them now fans were also disrespectful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fans be disrespectful. Don't worry about, you know, fuck them though. Fans were also disrespectful, but they were kind of.

You're not gonna fuck a fan. You know what I mean? But even if he girl did, it's like, who cares? It just goes on, fuck, you know. Somebody, everybody, the key to it, you gotta resist. Don't resist. Just who cares, dude. It's just like, whatever, man.

Girls are gonna do what they're gonna do. Guys are gonna do, it doesn't fucking matter. Just resist, baby. Yeah, just resist. You got the Will and Jada mindset. Have a kid, have a kid and then just resist, just don't resist anything else. Let life take you where it's gonna go.

I got high blood pressure. You have a unique philosophy that's really unique to you that works. You should put out a book. Yeah, you get away with it. You should put out a book called Chrissy Chaos, The Way to Live Free, and just the whole book should be motivation about like,

hey babe, reality's here and you can be here and here and there at the same time. Yeah, it just doesn't matter. Yeah. Like, you know, this is how you live. Call it Chrissy. Call it unchanged. I'm a genius of Chris. Call it with unleashed in the park. Yeah. Yeah. The genius of Chris is he's so wild all the time. He gets away with everything because that's just who he is. Yeah.

And he's never separated. I think most of us have explained like, hey, the comic me is a little bit different than the real me. He never did that. He never did that. I'm always crazy. So if you're with me, this is what you sign it up for.

That's it. Yeah, that's what it is. Akash, you fucking nailed it. At the beginning of the podcast, we used to say, here's the similarity between Trump and Chrissy. Trump says so many wild things Yes You don't know what to pin him down for as soon as you're going over here to get him for this

He's over here saying that and then you run over there and so it's like you it's like it's like a smoke screen you're like, where do I go? What do I do? And so then you just are numb and you're completely just like Desensitized to it like you see D. That's what the DS4 does Isation you're totally desensitized and you just give into it. You're just going whatever you're just so used to it because to me It's like comedy. It's like you can I think like the thing is like you can make fucking racist jokes or sexist jokes So we have not be that person. It's like jokes or sexist jokes or not be that person. It's like, why are we doing?

Come on, I'd be that person, you know, because I just feel like a true like if you're going to be funny, you can't be hateful at the same time. It's like I could see when people are being hateful. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, dude, I could see that. But if you're not hateful, then it's just all like, who cares? Like, I can tell when it's real and when it's yes. And I think most people can.

Anybody who is getting offended is pretending they can't and that's on you. That's your own shit. That's why your guys' podcast is fantastic because you've created the environment where it's like, you can do flagrant too, you can say and do whatever you want because it is understood you are in the fun zone now

where it's like, do not take the shit seriously. It's flagrant for a reason. Which is why it's so successful. Hyena is a fucking predator. We eat, we can get. We're wild animals. They even eat the bones, dude. And they're the first chicks with dicks hi, he knows they are the original checkmate There's also hi, he knows are the only animal that are so cunning that they will take down bigger animals by

Biting their balls who will see him up with the hyenas name. I was a big fan Was the chicks with dicks that got you? No is yeah. Yeah Let's be honest. But they are the most fascinating animal on the planet. To us, yeah. They have no lineage, no relatives really. Their weapon is chaos, like how a panther would be stealth. They're the de-stephanel of the animal community.

That is what scientists say. Controlled chaos. It's very cunning and smart. And there's a method to the madness, but they are a they're they're vicious They're they have the strongest jaw bite of it. Most people don't know that they eat the bone. They'll pulverize it So when a hyena eats a kill, there's no carcass they eat everything. They're completely vicious like fracture side between The one sibling is gonna die right like in the in the cubs

They're born brutally like the wife the wife. There's no hyena wives The mother gives birth out of her pseudo penis, which is like this small. So it's extremely violent birth They kill each other the mother my death rate Yeah What they giving birth the women are the women are more vicious and the women are bigger and the women are the heads of the clans Yes, the guys are smaller. That's why whoopie Goldberg was the head hyena in life. Yes. Yep. Yes accurate Yeah, I mean shout out whoopie shout out the video you'll often see him grabbing balls Like we have a we're making a meme out of a hyena who like because a lot of times hyenas will get

The clan will just fucking exile them just the same way lions do so you have Like a lone hyena. They're also scavengers. They're scavengers hunters. They're whatever only animals ever observed in Nature to be murdered by lions. They don't eat them. They just murdered them That's how much they fucking hate them that is an inaccurate fact But fuck it let's go it just murdered them that the only animal to get killed by lions just for murder They the lions do that also to cheetahetahs they do that also to leopards. They do that's murder competing predators Yeah, the lions murdered but it is the only animal that has been observed to be killed by animals Yes to be murdered, you know the try not also you call him out. He just ignores it and then just repeats himself

It doesn't matter. It's a lot of murder that it's because really it's just like yeah, I mean, you know, yeah, honestly Chrissy D 20 2040, I see it, I'll do it. I see it. And I'm voting because this country would turn into a Chuck E. Cheese real quick. I mean, you want to talk about fun. I mean, first thing I do is I deport everyone in Portland. They get the fuck out of here. And then Patty Fly Balls will be your secretary of state.

Yeah. Yeah. He would do a little cleaning. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because your voice is so loud, the fucking sound verbatim, and push the wood down. Patty fly balls, yeah, he'd be my secretarial law. And D-bo would be your fucking chief of staff? Yeah, D-bo, I'd just shoot D-bo out of a fucking cannon. Yeah, cause I just came up with another show for you to pitch. What is it? When you take over the presidency, you take all your friends and you put them in office.

Cause you've been writing all these shows with your friends. Yeah, put them in office. Yeah. I writing all these shows with your friends yeah put them in office yeah I mean how great would it be and film it yeah Otis fucking Otis is in there shout out Otis belated happy birthday kid was born on Christmas yeah shout out SpinHF yeah shout out SpinHF, FH, FH, Fars Hills that's his business in Fars Hills what I what um what was I gonna say there was something I was gonna say before oh when we're talking about 9-11, my mom, every day. That was a long time ago.

Every day, she would. I thought that was normal. Yeah. Every day. It just means he hasn't been here for a while, which also happens. Just pop back up. I don't know what you guys are.

I got two things to talk about. 9-11, then I want to talk about the movie, Soul. Oh, I'm in. All right. I want to hear about this. By the way, soul. Yeah, I got to paint this lighter color. So so 9-11 office.

My mom worked in the second tower that was hit, right? And she said every day, every day she would go and she worked there for 15 years. Every single day her routine was to get off the train, go get a coffee and a bagel from the same vendor outside the building every day for 15 years that morning the vendor who was Middle Eastern wasn't there and she remembers because she had a headache and she was like I don't have a headache out of my morning coffee oh he wasn't there she was like and he was there during rain

storms and snow storms throughout the years maybe he wasn't there maybe so it's just is that a coinkydink? I don't know. And also the movie Soul, that lead character looks exactly like Roy Wood Jr. You just dropped a real bombshell. And the most surprising thing to me about that is you don't think the Jews did it. Right. I don't think the Jews didn't do it.

Yeah. I like the Jews. Maybe that's the one time they collaborated on a project. I think my grandfather was a Jew, allegedly. The only reason I would suspect a Jew is... He said allegedly, like he was a rapist. The only reason... Does that kid not look like Roy Wood Jr. from Saul?

No, that's so wild. No, he does not look like Roy Wood Jr. at all. No, that's Roy Wood Jr. and it's crazy. Does it look like Roy Wood Jr.? If Roy Wood Jr. lost 40 pounds and got oddly built. Yeah, shout out Roy Wood Jr. So that means it doesn't look like Roy Wood Jr 40 pounds and got like oddly built yet. Yeah That means it doesn't look like Roy Wood Jr If you have to qualify it by yeah, if Roy Wood Jr. Got some also had glasses That looks like Roy Wood Jr. I even I mean, yeah enough like Roy Wood Jr

I mean wait go back to it looks more like me than Roy Wood Jr Look how close his eyes are together. That's not look like Roy Wood Jr If Roy Wood Jr. Had glasses in Jr had glasses and a hat on. No, that does not look like Roy Wood Jr. It looks so similar. Does it look like Roy Wood Jr, Vicky? Yeah. Go back to the cartoon.

It looks more, look at how close those eyes are. That's me. That's you. It's you and Roy Wood Jr. Yeah, but we, I can't tell about my baby. We're trying, we're getting- Beautiful baby. We wanna get it measured between eyes

to hopefully she doesn't look like me. My eyes are really close together. Have you ever noticed? No. You ever look in Akash My eyes are really close together. Have you ever noticed? No. You ever look in Akash's eyes? He's got beautiful eyes. I mean, beautiful baby greens. Thank you, baby.

Olive greens. Thank you, baby. He's got beautiful fucking eyes. I wanna put your eyes in a tuna sandwich. I wanna put your eyes in a toothpick and have a martini. He's got beautiful olive fucking eyes. He's got fucking peas. Akash is a good looking kid

and that's how he fucking went. And he, he did the four Rome scoop. Oh, let me see this. Are you four Rome scoop? Circumcised or no? Yeah, I'm circumcised. Okay. I always wondered, yeah.

Indians typically are aren't they? Typically are not Hindus. Wow. Typically are not. You got a nice cut of beef. Good for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, are you, are you cut?

I'm cut. No, I've seen yours. Yeah. I mean, I'm cut. Yeah. And by the way, I want to I just want to shout out 2020 first year. I mean, I know there's still a couple of days left. First year that I can remember where no STDs and no warts. There you go. I made it a whole year. How do you need it? You need a quarantine. Throat. Yeah. Yeah.

You needed a quarantine to not get an STD Yeah, no, it's a global pandemic So now do you need a quarantine to change your life? Yeah, now I just rip it on Pornhub a little bit You know, it's really funny how many times you got chlamydia when the world was open Yeah, then when there's a global pandemic, you can't catch that bug. I don't know what is highly transmissible SARS virus to have what they say you can't catch that's what they say. Yeah don't know what it is. The most highly transmissible SARS virus to ever be here. That's what they say. You can't catch.

That's what they say. Yeah, that's what they say. I mean, Akash fucking gave it to 700 people. Yeah. It's not transmissible. It's just what they say. Everyone in the room got it, except for the fat kid from Netflix, because he had it four times,

and you, because the fucking elevator's full when the virus showed up. The fat kid from Netflix. Oh yeah, that kid, oh yo, um. What? The fat English kid. F it. He's a hyenas fan, shout out that kid. Yeah, he's the best. Shit, effort? He's a he's a heinous fan. Shout out that kid

Yeah, he's shit. He's gonna watch this. I'm sorry. You're a little overweight. What do you want me to do? So as I until I got the corona. Yeah. Yeah corona by the way also an effective diet plan You do lose weight. Yeah, taste and smell get in shape you fucking loser. Yeah, exactly. Yeah Did you know she'll see loose taste and smell he did he lost taste? Yeah, he's got it back Yeah, I'm like the only one and then you didn't lose taste. I did not lose taste. I didnz lose taste and smell? He did, he lost taste. Yeah. But he's got it back? Yeah, I'm like the only one, and then you didn't lose taste or smell. I did not lose taste or smell.

I didn't lose taste, smell, I was chilling. Yeah, right. If I had lost taste and smell, that would be torturous. This is just my opinion. I feel like if you have COVID, you should legally have to announce it. But Greeks play by different rules, and she didn't want her parents to know, probably.

She didn't want the community to know, because they would say what kind of parade is she walking around with, if they're gonna look through her Instagram, they're gonna see that she has black friends, and the next thing you know, she's gonna be in a Greek Orthodox convent. By the way, my pareja, I wanna let you know V,

I realize I forgot your gift here. The honey that you gave me, the honey liquor, I forgot, I apologize, I thought of it the other day, and I just never came and got it, but I wanted to say to you when I first looked in, I'm sorry I forgot it, I've been thinking about it. So I'm gonna drink it. Did you have anything you wanted to say about Soul,

or was it just the word? I wanted to say that I thought the lead character looked like Roy Wood Jr. And I also wanted to say that I watched it twice now. I thought to me it was one of the best Pixar movies. Probably, I would say, the best best Pixar movie the only one obviously better than That then soul is Shrek Shrek is one. That's not Pixar. That's all the shit, you know dream work It's all the same shit, dude. It's the same thing with to me like the best game movie

I don't know the difference Shrek, but the best game movie besides Shrek the best game movie beside Shrek Soul I just thought it was a fascinating movie because it's about, it's about like, you know. First time I've liked a black guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know.

No, no, no. Since I left Bushwick. No, dude, I fucking love Ben Carson. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. What's up, it's Chrissy Standups. Listen, February 12th, 13th, Valentine's Day weekend, I'll be doing Atlantic City, New Jersey, the Celebrity Theater. Then February 25th to the 27th, hot, hot, hot, Phoenix, Arizona, House of Comedy. Then just added March 6th, The Vogel, Red Bank, New Jersey.

We just added two shows there. Go get them, the tickets sold out real quick last time. Go to chrisdcomedy.com for tickets. last time go to Chris D comedy.com for tickets that's Chris D comedy.com for tickets i'm Chrissy Standups let's have some fight yeah yeah um no you were set you were upset when Cain died when when Cain died yeah what was his first name i feel like you look at that like that's what Herman if anybody died it needed to be him i mean Herman is a wild name Herman you? Can you imagine you're moving through these streets and your first name is Herman? Yeah, Herman and Eugene gotta go. Herman is wild.

Herman's a wild one. Yeah, this parent's want him to be Republican. Herman? Yeah, he might have changed his name to Herman when he became Republican. His name may be like Raheed. You can't be a guy named Raheed and be a Republican. It doesn't match. It doesn't match. So he might have just legally changed it uncle Herman. You can't be a guy named Raheed and be a Republican. It doesn't match. It doesn't match. So he might've just legally changed it to Herman. Watch Soul though. Soul, it's very eye-opening movie. It's all about life and following your passion

and being in the zone. It's good for, especially being in the arts, it's good. All right. I think Soul's a great movie. I mean, the kid is just out there. I mean, yeah guys, if you're a painter or opera singer, you gotta go see Soul. It's great. If you're a creative person, it's really inspirational. Yeah, guys, if you want to if you're a painter or opera singer, you got to go see soul. It's great. If you're a creative person, it's really inspirational.

Yeah. You know what we need? We need a movie that lets the wives or girlfriends of artists understand why they need to shut the fuck up sometimes. I mean, just let us do our thing. Right. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. My wife. Yeah. When I was a neurotic and, you know, you know, I was I was really anxious and panicking afterwards. My wife called me about four or five six times No, that's probably necessary. Yeah, but she doesn't understand. Yeah, we're all overthinking. What's yes?

Yeah, that's why we stand on stage and do skits. Yeah, we're we're all a little bit neurotic Yeah, you know even Schultz. He told me he was like frightened of the virus. So he was frightened of it. He was getting tested every day. He said he was scared. You know, there's like survivors groups and stuff. Imagine getting it in March when doctors were going like, we don't know.

Like, and they're going like putting people on ventilators and you develop a cough and you're, imagine how scary that shit would be before they, like now they know how to treat it. And you know, at least if your oxygen dips down they throw you steroids, they throw you resvidir or whatever. But imagine getting it back then. I was talking to my boy whose brother got it

and his brother is in like a survivors group where and he was like, do you wanna join? I was like, I don't wanna talk about Corona after the Akash episode ever again. I'm blocking it out like fucking Chrissy does with a two. Yeah, yeah. And your mom lost you. And your mom lost you sometime around circa 2014, 15.

Mom lost me and she was like graduated, yeah. Physical therapy school. I said bye. My friend Steve fought three tours of duty in Iraq. So I speak to him, I've known him my whole life. So I speak to I've known him my you know, my whole life. So I speak to him relatively often. And I think this whole time, he got Coronavirus and was fine. But his whole thing again, I don't have the balls to do anything

that he ever did. But he was always like, yeah, I was I go into I was going into battle, thinking I'm going to die, I'm not going to get scared of a virus, even if it kills me, I'm just not ever going to get scared of that. I don't care what the media says. And when he says the media, he means CNN. He was, you know, absolutely. Yeah, so when he says the media, he was like,

I don't care what Cuomo says. I don't care what the media says. I will never be afraid of that because I was in such a more higher risk situation. And he's the one that told me, and I passed that info to Yannis when Yannis was going through it. He was like, what would you rather be?

Would you rather be a guy right now who has a 99% chance to survive something or would you rather be a guy like me that goes into a war zone and has a less than 50% survival rate or a guy with pancreatic cancer? He's like, there's somebody right now your age with pancreatic cancer that has a 99% death rate

that is dealing with it. So he said, so you have to just stop being so fearful of everything. He told me that back in April, and then I kind of like a little bit disconnected, but obviously it's a fearful thing to get that you can only experience one and if you go through it. My main fear was giving it to people,

and I gave it to everyone. That's the only part. But I didn't fear it. I was like, if I'm sick, whatever, I'm sick. I'm sick all the time. That's the part that most people don't understand is that, and that's why they go like, why don't you just let, why you look at Sweden?

Well, Sweden didn't work out. Now they're on lockdown. It's like, it's not about the death rate. It's about like overwhelming the system and killing other people who are vulnerable to it because they have other conditions. So that was a, imagine you're isolated, first of all, so isolation's wild.

Then I was with my wife and my baby and my mother-in-law who has, you know, fluid around her heart for a full day after I had the virus. So like, and so then you gotta wait days to find out if they got it. So while you're in isolation and your fever starts and you start to get really sick, I was more sick than Akash, me and Alex got it the worst,

you start to, and then every second you're worrying about them. And then you're also worrying about Colin and you're worrying about these guys. So it's like, and this every second, you're just anxious to get to those days. But to me though, but none of that, whoever got it, in my opinion,

would ever be your fault. It's not your fault that you gave it to anybody. Yeah, but it's tough to feel that way. Because we're all taking risks going on into a pandemic. It's tough to feel that way though. Yeah, it's tough to feel that way. And then also- But it is the way to feel because that is the truth.

But it's tough. He had- You're right. I feel for Akash. I really do feel for Akash, like in retrospect, like, you know, I was so sick. I wasn't even picking up my phone. You remember? I remember, I remember. I wasn't answering the phone. Which was a nice relief, know, I was so sick. I wasn't even picking up my phone. You remember, I wasn't answering the phone, which was a nice relief.

I shut down a fucking Netflix special, like Andrew's got this massive thing. So, but he never, he never, he was, was he ever upset with you? He was, but he didn't tell me. He took a few days and then he, on Thanksgiving. But all the anger is really at, is at themselves. Yeah. Like. But all the anger is really at your at that themselves.

Yeah, like that's all anger ever is, is you you yelling at yourself. There's no reason in my opinion, unless you actively came in, even if you actively came in sick, it is still my my right and I have to take the responsibility to leave. You know what I mean?

No, no, I don't agree with that. But that's the truth. If I was deprecating like- If you stick with anything, the flu or whatever, stay home. Absolutely, absolutely. But still, 100%, you're right. But if you come in here with the flu,

and I am around you with the flu, it is still my choice to not walk out and leave. It is, but you could still be mad at the person going like, come on, man. You could still be mad at the person going like, come on man. You could still be mad at the person, but I'm just saying all anger is just you really being mad at yourself. Unless somebody cuts you off in fucking New York city.

And then the anger is directly that Chinese guy. Yeah. Or woman. By the way, I just want to shout out that I'm having a great time so far in 2021. It is firmly January, 2021. There's been a couple of times where I mentioned that it was a couple of days before the new year and I was just in another zone. It is January January, 2021. There's been a couple of times where I mentioned that it was a couple of days before the new year

and I was just in another zone. It is January, 2021 baby. And we're, yes, couple of days from Biden takes over getting ready for the Gulags. And here's the thing about stereotypes. They're not right, but it does seem the Chinese guys are just worse drivers. Yes.

I hate that that seems that way. If they're offended by that, they can go fuck themselves. You started a pandemic and we're focusing on driving. You're welcome. Give us that. You're welcome. I just happened to notice that. Yes.

Have you noticed that or is that just me? They're bad drivers. You don't drive, you're from the Upper West, you take the train and public transport. Public transport, yeah. And your car was a piece of shit, rest in peace. Rest in peace to that car. Yeah. That was, yeah, but yeah, I do peace. Rest in peace to that car, yeah.

That was, yeah, but yeah, I do agree. I do agree with the Chinese drivers, but like Bill Burr's joke, either they're really good or really bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he has that joke. So I do sympathize with Akash, because the whole time, and then I was also really sick. He was checking in with me.

He was being an amazing person checking in on me. Chrissy was checking in on me too. I didn't even thank you for that every day. We were all checking in. Fuck me, fuck you. even thank you for that every day. It was like, how you doing buddy? Fuck me, fuck you. But I, for you it must have been the hardest because you had all these people that you, because you were basically, you were ground zero.

I'm patient zero. You were patient zero for the New York City Comic Con. And the guy who gave it to me is a comic. You were 912. But he just saw me and Mike Albanese and like, through Shar Sing I think is the one who gave it to me. But like, nobody gives a fuck.

Yeah, I think is the one who gave to me but like No, I guess fuck yeah, I think I think with a virus that like for my doctor friend You know with Christmas Lukas Lukas dr. Lukas who did get the vaccine We took who looked over me like an angel during the whole thing. Yeah, Lukas. You're the greatest I told you in a text message. I'll do some blow with you even he said yeah, absolutely He said he said know, with Christmas and the holidays and all that, you know, asked him, you know, cause my mother obviously, you know, being older, having some pre-existing conditions was like,

oh, can you just ask him if it's okay? And he was like, look, at the, at this point now with the cases going up so much, you have to just understand every single time you walk outside, you are going to potentially be exposed to the virus every single time. So it's up are going to potentially be exposed to the virus. Every single time. So it's up to you what you wanna do. You can take that however you want,

but he said that is just the truth with the amount of cases. So that's why for me, when somebody gets it or doesn't get it, I feel there's no real blame in a situation like this. You know what I mean? With Corona, there's no real blame. Because it's just in the air.

I would just say, there's no blame blame. Because it's just in the air. I would just say, there's no blame because nobody's intentionally doing it, but you can be cautious, you can take precautions. Wear your mask, social distance. Absolutely. Those things work. Absolutely. That's why Binky hasn't gotten,

he's been around more dirty comics than a fucking waitress at a comedy club in Minnesota. And the kid fucking wears his pain mask everywhere he goes. Everywhere he goes. And he's got a furry fucking beard which I love. Yeah, and he's fucking been on tour with hardcore Republicans who don't believe

the virus is real and has told me California is a communist state. Yes. So since he's been on the road with those people and didn't get it, that lets you know how much precautions he's taken. I'm talking about Nate Bargatze. Just come out of the closet.

Come out of the closet. You're not getting a show. You're a fucking Trump supporting red Republican. It's what it is. Here we go. Last time. I'm kidding. Last time, last time I texted Nate, I said,

Hey man, Merry Christmas. Saw what happened in Nashville. Just checking in on you and your family. He said, thanks man. We're good except for Biden being in. I said, I know man, 2024, we will get our Biden being in. I said, I said, I know, man, 2024, we will get our lives back when Donnie gets back in. Until then, we just have to listen to Jenny Slate's comedy.

And he said, exactly 2024, baby. People are coming to be, people are gonna be begging for him to come back. I said, 1000% USA. Yeah, I have to say, Republican comedians are a little funnier, maybe. They're great. And so the audiences are a little better to deal with. But you and Nate are funny guys. The audiences are just a little better to deal with, too. I gotta say, Republican comedians are a little funnier maybe. They're great. And so the audiences are a little better to deal with.

But you and Nate are funny guys. The audiences are just a little better to deal with too. I gotta say this, I always love Republican audiences, but Trump supporters are snowflakes in that way. That if you come at Trump, everything is off. Anything, they're like liberals. And they now don't watch Fox. Yeah.

Don't watch Fox. Yeah. Trump supporters hate Fox because they are saying, they're siding with that the election's over and having Republicans on saying that it's over. Trump supporters believe that the election was started. I would say I'm a Republican, not a Trump supporter. He's about to get fucking sued, by the way, by the voting machine companies.

See if you can take the kid down, take a shot. The voting machine companies are gonna fucking sue him, and I think they're suing Fox. You can Google that. And they're gonna win, just like that fucking. Just like. Get sued by a fucking ATM. No, they're getting, the same way that kid from that school,

who won, he got a lot of money, that kid. What was the school? The Columbine kid, the Covington kids. Oh. That sued the papers. Oh yeah, they got a shit load of money. You can't, like, The news has gotten so wild that they forgot that this is a litigious society.

They'll say anything for ratings and they have forgotten that they're liable. So these voting machines, like any network that's going, like has entertained that this has been, that their voting machines have been fraudulent, they're suing, you can Google it. They're fucking suing. I saw the New York Post wrote an article

just the other day who endorsed Donald Trump, said, Trump, please just back off now because he keeps focusing on, oh, he's asking the Electoral College to vote him in. Yeah, it's brutal. To go, which is when really, but he's saying, you know, that those runoffs, I think it's January 5th or 6th,

I think in Georgia and another state like those are humongous if if the Republicans lose that yeah I don't admit as a Trump supporter that he has narcissistic personality disorder then I'm sorry you just got your head in a fucking potato sack yeah yeah the problem with telling people voting is rigged if you got this massive runoff is you need people to vote Republican if you want them so like for Trump supporters like fuck it it's all rigged that hurts you yeah I think that's basically what they're saying right a lot of slack in the Indian community from Indian fans cuz I you know he probably has a lot of

Indian fans kids got a big YouTube does he getting less sec from that community for being a Republican comedian so many people think I'm Democrat so many people think I'm a Republican oh he's so left it annoys me oh he's so right-wing it drives me crazy and that lets me know I'm doing? So many people think I'm Republican. Oh, he's so left, it annoys me. Oh, he's so right wing, it drives me crazy. And that lets me know I'm doing a good job of being, I try to be a centrist. I think that's me doing your job as a comedian. That's what I think a comedian should do.

It's not our job to be pundits. It's our job to poke fun at whatever we see. I don't vote. Yeah, no, dude, that same with me. I'm a centrist too. Like my whole thing is like people ask you like, what my opinions are? It's like, dude, it's like, I'm for the woman's right to choose

and the wall. So it's like, that's just who I am. So whatever you want, that's the center baby. I'm out, you can't put me in a fucking box. Absolutely, I'm for a woman's right to choose, I also don't really care about poor people, whatever. I mean it's like, what do you want me to do? I gotta fucking pay taxes for everybody to take the bus,

it's like, you know what I mean? Yeah. I just think most people don't understand how complicated a place the world really is. It's like, yeah, you want troops home. You want troops home, let's pull them out of the Middle East. You pull them out, creates a power vacuum. Terrorists fester, dictators come to power, things happen.

I mean, there's no action. That shit tell you something, that shit is they problem. That shit is your problem. It's not that simple. We're connected, it's not that simple. We need that oil. It's not that simple. It's the fucking oil. You want your fucking tire.

Tesla baby. Yeah, no but Tesla still needs oil. Tires are made out of oil, plastics made out of oil. Yeah, we don't need that oil. That doesn't kill the whales. Yeah? Yeah. Why can't we run out of whale oil? Do people even know that tires are made out of oil? Let me ask need data. Yeah, why can't we run on whale oil? Do people even know tires are made out of oil?

Let me ask you this though. Ask me that. I don't even have minutes left. Let's say we just get on flagrant two and ask me. Okay, we go on, we cut the fucking Middle East, we're done, now I'm gonna fuck about you guys. We'll pay whatever you mark up the oil, but we'll save that with not sending military over there.

You charge a crazy markup on the oil. Sounds like a good idea AOC. I mean what the fuck? We need a limit for tires. For fucking tires. Who cares about tires? Once every three years you change your tires. Yeah exactly.

You see in the ideal world he's right, but we just don't live in an ideal world. And we got to have boots on the ground. We're the new Rome, babe. We're taking resources. And if you wanna live in the new Rome, you just gotta look yourself in the mirror and say, I like my iPhone for this price. I'm a part of the problem.

I like my tires for this price. I like my Nike sweatpants for this price at Marshall's. I'm talking to you, Binky. I'm talking to you, Zach Isis, who when you walk into Marshall's, everyone knows your name like cheers. Yes. If you want your stuff at a nice price,

you just have to accept the fact that this is Rome and we exploit because that's what empires do. They exploit and the citizens, there was no rogue womans. What did you just say? Yeah. Yanni Biden is back.

Yanni Biden, that was, let's end it there. There was no Yolk Romans. There was no Roke Yomans. What I was trying to say is, there was no Roke Romans. They got it. They were just happy to be citizens of Rome, go to the Coliseum, have their bread and circus, be able to go to the brothel, which was in the library.

They took an underground tunnel and fucked you. We need brothels back, yo. We need brothels. We got to bring eunuchs back too. Those are probably really fun to fuck. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Really fun to fuck.

Just a nice boy with lipstick on. Just take his balls out, get that voice nice and high. And he remains kind of girlish. That way you don't have to worry. You could probably find a eunuch in the Philippines or something like that. Absolutely, and if you could go to Thailand, see here's the benefit, okay?

I'm not saying I like women, okay? But I'm just saying, let's look at it from another culture's perspective, okay? And I don't know why we always get with Akash, we end up talking about ladyboys. But if you go to Thailand, because I'm built like one. They're not hung up on it.

Yeah, they're not hung up on it at all. It's not a big deal. If you're with a ladyboy, it's like having a Beyond Burger, okay? You don't got to worry about the same type of cholesterol or heart problem. Yes. When you're with a real woman, you have to worry about getting her pregnant. That's a whole complication. But if you just want something that looks like a woman where there's no chance of pregnancy, Chrissy, I'm talking to you. Yeah. It's a safe option. It's like having sex with a woman

with a rubber without a rubber. Right. Does that make sense? Yeah. I've thought this through. Yeah. That took Venetia a couple of seconds. She's a little frank. I like it. I like it.

Yeah. I'm all about lady boys. You know, I don't know if I could do it though. I don't know. But yo, why is it that every time a civilization or empire gets very successful in peaks, why is it that you start to see without exception, Ottomans, Greeks, Romans, I'm sure in the- We didn't have an empire. Yeah, whatever you guys- whatever Alexander the Great-

Which is wild. Which is wild. Which is wild. Yeah, I mean Alexander the Great steamrolled India. Yeah. But- What can you do? Yeah, he was Greek, he's not Macedonian.

I don't care. Don't fucking- but how come things get weird sexually like it starts to get like perverse a cd problem Yeah, life is too good. You're fucking everything you want right a good time, right? Right Bubba's where can people find you? Flagrant to podcast you can find me on Instagram or Twitter at Akash Singh aka double a s a Buddhist temple on Saturdays I am gh. Yep, or the good world my girl on Sunday either one Yes, and YouTube comm just look at my name. I mean the kids got a hundred thousand plaque Yeah, it's got a big time plaque kids. Yeah, I have not posted on IG in months, but I gotta get back

Fucking hilarious comic you guys know him now. I mean we're like familiar. We're like the syndicate. Yeah, buddy. We're like the New York podcast. We went through it together. Yeah. The New York syndicate. Yeah, so flagrant two, you know the deal. Akash Singh, go check out his YouTube.

Follow him on the Gramsci poo. Yes. And go follow their Patreon as well. Who is that? Probably Joe to put the TV up. Yeah, so all right. And then get us, historyhyenas.com, or souljoles.com,

but go to christycowney.com or historyhyenas.com, January 16th, Royersford, Pennsylvania. It's gonna be fun. Hey, Burt, we'll be on the show. Yeah, everyone used to knock Soul Joel until they needed him. The adaptor. And now he's like the only club you could do.

He's the greatest guy. I started with Soul Joel. Number one Soul Joel. I started with Soul Joel. I've driven started with Soul Joel. Number one Soul Joel. I started with Soul Joel. I've driven everywhere with Soul Joel. Congrats Soul Joel. Go support Joel Richardson, Soul Joel Productions. His shows are in parts of the country where, you know what, there is no industry there,

but you're gonna have a great fucking show. You're gonna have a great time. And right now Soul Joel's Comedy Club's in Royersford, PA. It's in Royersford, Pennsylvania. Bring your Trump flags. Yeah. Y'all big time. Bring your Trump flags. Royers for Pennsylvania. Are you bringing Haybird or Sergio? Haybird's there. He's the house MC. I'm gonna bring a homeless pimp.

We're gonna film it. Um and you can see all that at patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Yes. It's Chrissy. So go check it out. Go see Akash at Atlantic City where he gave us all **** Corona. Yeah. As always, we love to read our patron names, the newest members of the matriarchy. We read your names. We have a good time. We give the winner a PPW Pseudo Penis of the Week. So first, I'd like to start off with somebody who messaged me said we forgot to read their name.

And I apologize. It's a funny, good name. Me and my wife sleep in separate rooms. I closed the door, but I still smell fumes. That's on this list. Oh, wow. OK. So I thought I could because he said he because he said he set his name up, he set up his account months ago. Yeah, we have a lot of names. That's how behind we are, so there you go, kids.

Stop fucking messaging me. You just have to hold your horses. Okay, here we go. So that's one. Oh, that was number one on the list. I just switched it. Wrong. Okay, so that's number one.

Number two, we got It's What It Is Cuz, we're high key artistic with the sprinkle of ADHD, which is an oxymoron because ADHD and autism on the same spectrum. Fucking idiots. Then we got elevators, elevators only because I hate steppin on my huge schlong when walking upstairs. Then we got McKinley, McKinley, good president, Alex and John Doe.

Then we got Father Bill might just be nice. Daddy Bird got you both thrice. There you go. Father Bills are tough. I'm telling you, I'm just warning you guys. They're hard, but it's a good one. Yeah. Then we got a reality is a suggestion.

Father Bill told me so, Trump 2020. Then we got Chasm 1207. Then we got Chrissy cracked open but not cleaned out because a muzzy wuzzy went busty busty on my tummy wummy Lowry. Okay, no? Okay. Then we got-

There's a borderline drek. No, it's fine, it's fine. I don't wanna give him a drek to make a feel-back. No, listen. You know, other people, you know. No, we're raising the bar here. Yeah. Then we got Johnny the G.

Then we got the only Latina female yogi fan. Don't worry, Chrissy Donnie T. Will now must stay in office four more years. Then we got, if Giannis Papas keeps eating dolmades, he is going to look like a hippopotamus. He's a Greek last name. You gotta give credit. Sometimes you gotta give credit to the bars.

You know how Andrew Schultz got bars and bars and bars, Leis, you gotta watch it again? Hippopotamus, all Greek names, and with an S, so you gotta give him the list for that. Then we got Mike the Finnish Kid living in Germany. I'm so white that my face looks like a shit. I stepped into that one, I stepped into that one. I should've read that one.

No, that's one of those ones from last week. What was the one last week? I forgot. What was the one from last week that we didn't give credit to no, I'll take the hit. I forgot take the hit What was it? Oh mulling yani mulling yani. Oh, yeah, I'll take the hit. It's wrong, but it's funny This is patreon mulling yani should have won. Okay, and so I'm giving this guy. He's on the list. He's on the list Yeah, so then we got Corey Anderson then we have had this one already, but it's a good one for Mares Stoudemire But it is a good one. We've had it so many times. Yeah, then we got. So then we got Corey Anderson. Then we have had this one already, but it's a good one. Fumare Stoudemire, but it is a good one. We've had it so many times. Yeah. Then we

got Eric Lee. Then we got it's AE but is that a Greek letter of the alphabet Venetia? It looks like an AE. She's looking at a list from Alpha Omega. Okay. Then we got Joey Rodriguez. Then we got Yanni Glutz and Chrissy Poopshoot. Come on over and watch my dog Scooter Cooch. See, it was he went with old thing and then at the end he hit me. So it's a Drexler. Then we got Cowboys receiver, Fumari Cooper, like Amari Cooper. Yeah, yeah.

The Fumari names are you got to come strong now. Then we got J.F. Then we got Def into Fumes Cazzo. Def into Fumes Cazzo is the definition of a chicken fingy for a Drexie. Then we got Vincenzo Barbelli Squangeli. Just shout out. Shout out to the Italians. Yeah. Then we got Forever Fumare. One word.

That's another chicken finger for Drex. Forever Fumare sounds like a spoof R&B album. Yeah. Then we got Connor Corcoran, Tom Schirm. Then we got Love Me Some Chrissy Cakes, but make no mistake, you're getting my money because I'm a brownie like Schultz's side piece. I don't even know what that's about. It's probably just making a joke that Shultzy is a side piece and she's just a black girl. So it's a, I'm putting a car on the fucking list.

There you go. Yeah, that is a goodie. Then we got Bailey Chandler, Andrew Waldock. Then we got Anthony Simikov. Then we got shout out Jonestown Water Department. Shout out. Shout out Jonestown Water Department. A very strong Drexler, very strong.

Borderline on the list. Then we got Biden Queefs in his mask. Drexler. Borderline. Then we got Aslando. I don't want to make Vinny upset. Aslando, no. Then we got Fat Shit on Canvas going to Joe Muhammad in a different way. Drexler! Drexler! Then we got Sandmonkeys2024. Then we just have a business.

MKG Entertainment. Screwed in. Might be a strip club. Screwed in. DM's, Snapchat, TGTV. The guys who do that are screwed in. Then we got straight to the back. Yep. Then we got Yanni Longfarts sucking on his own shards like a dart. Yanni Longfarts might have been better than the rest of the name.

Yeah, the dart at the end kind of took it down to a Drex. Unfortunately, you were on the list, but Yanni Longfarts, you went to a Drex by shards like a dart. Shards like a Dart was too much. Self-edit, guys. Then we got Willie D, the producer smoocher,

fly me out, I'll eat that pooper. Drexler. Then we got Waist Size 38, not 100% straight, because Father Bill tried to nuke my consoles in 88. That's what I'm talking about when you bring the heat that's going on the list. Okay, then we got Chris. Nuked my consoles.

In 88. In 88, which is also a callback to Chris Mullen and the crew of 88. Don't think I don't know when you're screwed in because I catch that too. But on the list, just want to clarify, it was Chris Mullen and the crew of 82. Yeah, sketch. Yachty Biden. But we're in fucking the fun zone right now. I read the funds and I thought it was 88. Yeah. Soul's a good movie. Chris Turner, then we got Mack McLimson,

then we got comes to you in a different way, Tay. Then we got Luke Deguido. Wait, comes to me in a different way, Tay. That's a chicken thinking that's probably his real name, he's getting a Drexler. That's Drexler. Then we got Luke Deguido, Wap Raviolis. Then we got Ass, Ass Few.

Then we got True Blue Bear, Jew covered in glue, Swoo. I don't know. Could be the victim of a bad read, but we got to keep moving. Yeah. Then we got Dart, Datner, Adiaz. Then we got Try Jack, Tried Drexler, aka Tranny, Latruzo, aka Tranny Bonaduchi. Cause the hoochies coochies get my smoothies. And Biden's bans me in a few. I mean, there was parts of it that could have been on the list.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Then we got Chrissy Rollerblades, a.k.a. Chrissy Fruit Boots. Strong, strong, funny. That's on the list. Chrissy Fruit Boots is on the list, and he had to set up with what the fruit boots were. Chrissy Rollerblade. Perfect. Then we got I just drank the flu shot went Rolla Blades. Perfect. Then we got, I just drank the flu shot, went down the wrong pipe. Yeah, are you doing a flu shot?

I'm Chrissy Cayenne Peppers. I do wanna- Oh, you got one of those, yeah, those things are, yeah. Those things are cure corona. Then we got Tucker Parsons. Then we got James Littley. Then we got Mike Porfavor Padre Bill No Pantino. Then we got the Dems be telling lies,

I smell like apple pie and lean right Trump 2020 till I die. I got Major Chrissy Koch Cancock, Fumes. Kyle McCully, Nicholas French. Then we got Matty the Twink with the pink chili ring that don't stink, Van Neffen. If you would have stopped with the chili ring, I would have given it to you, yeah. Ryan Allison, then we got Meatball Morpheus.

Then we got Connor. Meatball Morpheus is a funny got more fierce is a funny. It's a funny one It's almost a Drex then we got Connor WTF Connor WTF no BS. Why no FF in the SS Okay, okay. Okay. Yeah, we gotta move on then we got Chrissy neutron pseudo penis then we got Javon aka Susan John, AKA Susan. Originality hilarities going on the list. Then we got Brenda backshots will tongue punch your fart box. We've had tongue punch the fart box a lot, but it's fun. Yeah.

Then we got guns, germs and steel pipe Chrissy. Wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Sometimes it's like, it hits you like, you don't even laugh cause it's like, wow. On the list. On the list on the list that it He doesn't know we're talking about she's dyslexic. She will never get through that book. Yeah, shout out Jared Diamond shout out Jared Diamond That's a great book. Everyone should read it. Then we got handyman II give me a handful of Chris and Yanni's fannies Okay, then we got Ryan Rotkamp Connor Jacob van Rasen Andy L, Andy Lambara, Enki, Vijay Ganesh,

Jonah Send to the Back but not Black Campos. Jesus. Then we got Mo Money Muhammad. I mean, they're rough, but that was funny as well. Then we got the Fume Names are Getting Old, but Make No Mistake, I Didn't Choose the Fumes, the Fumes Chose Me. On the list. On the list. On the list. On the list. Venetia sprung up for that one. Venetia thinks that's the winner winner. Yeah, that's on the list.

Then we got Dominic Francis. Then we got Aaron Tarazian. Then we got Jesse, I made it over the wall of this great country, Delgado. On the list. On the list. Then we got J.C. Denton. Strong list.

Then we got Pete DeSqueak. Pete DeSqueak is a chicken thingy for a Drexie. Then we got a gender curious gay Puerto Rican man here slap my ass and call me a Latinx. God. Sorry. This is even better than I thought. Yeah. A gender curious gay Puerto Rican man here slap my ass and call me a La Twinks. A La Twinks. Yeah, it's a twink.

That we're talking about top contender at this point. Yes, I apologize. Top contender at this point. Then we got Canadian Craig with the third leg. Chicken finger. God, it's a borderline. It could go either way, but because the other ones were so good, he's a Drexler. Then we got Matthew Wright, Hannah Marie, also Irish and Italian, so we might be cousins,

cuz Barry. Then we got John Cody. Then we got the itsy bitsy Chrissy went up. I got it. The itsy bitsy Chrissy went up Westchester spout, cracked open Marisa and rigorously cleaned her out. Yeah, I mean, if with a better read, it would have been a Drexel.

You got a bad read. There's nothing we can do about it. Sometimes you gotta just spell it all out, but I know it may get cut off with Patreon. Yeah, I mean, if with a better read, it would have been a direct see you got a bad read. There's nothing to do about it. Sometimes you got to just spell it all out. But I know it may get cut off with Patreon. Yeah. Chrissy and Yanni watch me deep ass this to Sony. Okay. Wait a second. Do you get that? Chrissy and Yanni watch me deep ass this to Sony like taking a water bottle of the Saudi and sticking it in his ass and we're watching him. Yeah, that's what it is. It's on the list. Got it. Shout out Dasani, even though Poland Springs is sponsored.

Then we got Mikey, Mikey likey Maurice's moon poon like a dikey COVID immune baboon goon who splooged too soon from a spoon sesh with the true blue fume delune. Just too much too wordy. It's a lot. Yeah, but it was a good attempt Then we got coming for PDD in a different way for breaking Christie's heart Yeah, then we got Tommy the Delaware sauce monkey mushy me Oh Musumeski very funny then we got Horay Tarango, Shane Azeens or Shane Zines. Then we got I'm FranksandBeans and I forgot my old password now you're getting paid twice it's what it is. On the list this is the

best list we've ever had. Yeah. This is the best list we've ever had. Then we got Leonardo King Sweeck Rebels. Then we got Vito, my Sauce Monkey mom said if I go to bed with a wet head I'll wake up with fumes Sicily. Sisakoli. Too strong too strong of a list before him. If you're a Drexler I'll give you a Drexler. Christopher Canado. Then we got French-Canadian kid with a D's piece trying to get Krispy Queen's peen cream in my poutine. On the list. On the list. Then we got William James. Haley make no mistake I'm a German kid Krieg. Then we got William James, Haley, make no mistake, I'm a German kid, Krieg. Then we got the PC police coming to take

why Sean King's N-word pass away fueled by the $3 bill of rights. On the list. $3 bill of rights is. The whole thing is there. I mean, that's just what, that may be the, we have to may incorporate that into our show, onto our website.

That we have the $3 bill of rights of what the rules are of this podcast. This list, I could tell you 100%, this is the best list we've ever had. This is probably the most that I've made the list. We've had like bigger bangers, but as far as volume of funny, we haven't had a list like this ever.

Then we got David Stevenson, then we got Who Dis?, Erica Feldman, then we got James, Father Bill made me squeal. He put his stumper in my dumper banda. The father build that people have clung to father Bill. They love it. Yeah, they love it. Yeah. Three dollar bill of rights. Maybe one of the funniest things that's ever been said

on the show though. Yeah. But I mean, Martin Luther King's up there. Fantastic. Yeah. That was Moolani. It's what it is. Then we got DH Travis Grimm. Then we got Max the dirty Jew. Sorry about that. It's what it is. Then we got DH, Travis Grimm. Then we got Max the Dirty Jew. Sorry about that.

We'll keep moving on. Max the Dirty Jew. Well, he's calling himself a Dirty Jew, but it's, yeah, we can. Then we got Evander with the Drexler. Then we got Cody Rogers. Then we got Fat, Fat, Fat Matt. Then we got Fat, Fat, Fat Matt Drex.

Then we got Yanni gains a chromosome when he shaves. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Onto the list. Then we got Owen Gill, Connor Nix, Jake, Sam Klempp, Jake Brom, Jacob, and then finally Rudy, Julie Fumare. Yeah, that's a Drexler. It could be on the list. You were born at the wrong time because this list is heavy. That's a goodie. If you're gonna put Fomari in a name, come like that though. Okay, so here we go.

So we have, so you highlight them in red. So here is the list. Number one, love me some Chrissy cakes, but make no mistake, you're getting my monkey because you get my money because I'm a brownie like Schultz's side piece. That's a goodie. Oh God, that's a contender.

Waist size 38, not 100% straight, because Father Bill tried to nuke my tonsils in 88. I don't know about this list, man. I'm trying to eliminate. All right. Fuck. Chrissy Rollerblades, AKA Chrissy Fruit Boots. That's a personal fave of mine. Okay.

Right now, I can't take any of these off. Javon, AKA Susan. Jam-Pod, AKA Susan is another great, I mean, that's a great one. Guns, Germs, and Steel Pipe Chrissy. That's a great one. Guns, germs, and steel pipe Chrissy. That's another great one. Then we got the fume names are getting old, but make no mistake, I didn't choose the fumes,

the fumes chose me. That's, Jesus Christ, what are we gonna do guys? I can't choose. A gender curious gay Puerto Rican man here slapped my ass and called me a La Twinks. I mean what are we supposed to do? Chrissy and Yanni watch me deep ass this to Sonny. I mean what are we supposed to do? Usually and Yanni watch me deep-ass this Dasani? I mean, what are we supposed to do?

Usually these would be on multiple lists over weeks coming for PDD in a different way for break Christie's heart And it's very funny H-e-a-r-r-t very funny. Maybe we can eliminate that one compared to the other one. Okay, then we got I'm Franks and beans I forgot my old password now. You're getting paid twice. It's what it is I mean, what am I supposed to do eliminate that kid? I can't eliminate that kid. The PC police coming to take why Sean King's N word pass away fueled by the three dollar bill of rights.

What are we supposed to do? You think Benetty is saying that's the winner? What are we supposed to do? I think I think in times when we're uncertain, like we should have been doing for more moments in history, we need to defer to a woman. And I'd like to defer to the woman. And you I'd like I'd like you to pick it for us

because we can't think. Yeah, that's the one that like to defer to the woman. And I'd like you to pick it for us, because we can't think. Yeah, that's the one that everybody likes. That's the winner. PC police coming to take Wyshawn King's N-word pass away fueled by the $3 bill of rights. I've taken myself out because for me, I think I would give it to all, but there's gotta be a winner.

The woman chose it. It's the year of the woman. So also we had Akash in here. Yeah. So, you know, what episode episode is going on? Akash was here was great. Akash was great. We we know what we never had a feud. You know, we love each other. We're glad everyone's okay. You know, just you know, be careful out there, man. The vaccines coming soon. Yes. And we love you guys. Thanks. We hope you happy. We hope you had a great New Year's. I hope you

had a great Diwali. Yeah. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge boys, of course, for all the fun. It's been you know, you guys are great. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge boys tell your friends.