History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Alexander The Great Gay?

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

Alexander the Great was a fully charged conqueror who had no chill. He was also a lover of men, women, and anything else available. History calls him “the Great,” but many in his own time considered him a tyrant. If he had lived into his 80s, would we still call him “the Great”? If he lived today, would he be dismissed as a “three-dollar bill”? He was undoubtedly a brilliant military leader—arguably the greatest of all time—but he didn’t seem to have much of a five-year plan beyond conquest. #Comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://teespring.com/stores/historyhyenas Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenas.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass. I'm going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass. I'm going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass. I'm going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass. I'm going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass. I'm going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass. I'm going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass. I'm going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass.

I'm going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass. I'm going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass. I'm going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass. I'm going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass. I'm going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass. I'm going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass. Hello everybody, welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. The extra H is for Hystadion who was Alexander the Great's, I'm pronouncing it wrong, best friend who got banged out. I'm Janis Papas, I'm with my co-host, Chrissy, who should have lived

in this era because you could bang guys, you could bang girls, you could bang eunuchs, and nobody's gonna judge you, and your dad can live through it all and be proud of you. It'd be proud of me because I am Chrissy for the table. That's what it is, cuz make no mistake, you've told me many times that I order weird food items for the table, like suvaki. I told you I'll get fettuccine alfredo for the table, but if I was living in this era of Alexander the Great, guess what I would order for the table? Me.

Yeah. I'd be for the table. You guys could just eat me, you could eat my butt. For the table is such a good, uh, cuz I always do for the table. Sure. I always order something else for the table cuz I'm a fat-hearted kid. Right, but you do look skinny right now. I do look skinny right now. So what I do is I'll order my food and if I'm eating with other people, I'll go,

yeah, let's get something else for the table, which really means I want something else, but I want you guys to have a couple of spoons for it as well. But really I just want two dinners. It's what it is. You want two dinners. Uh, you're going to do fettuccine Alfredo. So we'll just have to take a couple of spoons and get in there for the table. And now I used to not eat sweets

on Saturdays, and I wasn't able to keep that up for very long. I kept it up for six months. But now my new thing is I'm not gonna, I'm gonna try to not eat sweets during the week. But if I do have a sweet, it's gotta be home-baked. So I'm gonna have a home-baked sweet. I'm not gonna have a processed sweet. But if my family wants to make brownies at home,

I'm going to have a bite. What you're doing is the addicts negotiation. That's what they call it. You're in the addicts negotiation phase. So I know after, so what you're doing is you're going, okay, I'm addicted to sweets. So what I'm going to do is going to negotiate with myself and create a couple of rules until those negotiations fall apart. And then you're going to just go, you're going to wait, you're just going to be, just going gonna be black and white cookie smear all over your face hundred percent and then I know it's gonna come as you're gonna start telling me about Eckhart Tolle for four weeks yes the power of now cycles are Chrissy because the power of now you've got to read it the power of right now you got to be in the guess

what I'm friendly with today the present my feet I got I'm where my feet are yeah that's the new way to say it. You gotta be where your feet are. Yeah, and do you think these kids back then had existentialist angst? And what kind of trauma were they walking around with? I mean, these guys were in battle. Alexander the Great, who we're gonna talk about today. Who Colin Farrell played nice

and he banged out Rosario Dawson big in the movie. And that was, she was playing um the Persian wife Roxanne who make no mistake like you said Persians remind you of Puerto Rican chicks and Roxanne had a couple of Alexander's other wives killed. Guess what it is. She was a jealous kid. Here's the hair dryer. She was looking through Alexander the Great's phone on the regular. It's what it is because make no mistake Persian women are just Puerto Ricans with fumes. It's what it is because they are sandy. Yeah they're sandy. But it's nice and that and that breeds fumes and it's not their fault it's just the climate cause. It's just the climate because Puerto Rican girls yes they live in warm temperatures but they

can just put a little aloe down there and they rub a little aloe a little coconut and then they have no fumes where the Persian women are beautiful and they just don't have access to the same types of coconuts. Basically Puerto Rican girls put coconut cookies in their pussies. Are you basically saying that the coconuts is the few vaccine that is? Yeah the few vaccine and then we have another vaccine that we're going to tell you about on Patreon.com. History hiatus at Patreon.com. That's history. Yanis and I came up with a new vaccine and you're going to want to hear all about it. And if any of you clip it and put that on the internet, just know you'll ruin my life. Yeah, no, we can't. I don't know.

We might say it though at patreon.com slash history. Ienis. It could happen. If we do do like the big tier where we read our texts, it's in our texts. It was a joke that happened in our text. It's in our text. Yeah, but it's not a joke for the. But it's not a joke for the table. It's not a joke for the table. And then make no mistake, we will also upload a picture at patreon.com, slash history, which is in our text of a very famous friend of ours

that we put his face on a very not so nice person's body. And it's a 10. And it's a 10. And we sent it to him five years ago. And he called us and yelled at us. we're gonna put it on patreon because you make no mistake We don't care. I don't think we want to do that anymore with the history hyena redux. Yeah, okay, let's not do it then We're out. Yeah, unless we unless it's unless you can afford five thousand dollars. We may just do a wild Yeah, maybe we'll call it the career ruining tier. Yes.

Where it's like, listen, this is five trusted people who can afford this tier and we know you guys, you can share these crazy jokes. And we didn't make that, a fan made that. Yeah. Or we could also just call it what we wanted to call it. We can, for $10,000 a month, and because we're just screwed in and this is a new world, we'll just call that tier the new Jew tier. We're the new Jews.

We are the new Jews. We are the new Jews. I mean, new Jews. We are the new Jews. I mean we said the Chinese are the new Jews and it was a joke and it's at patreon.com slash historyinus but it's fun and we got a picture of Rosario Dawson on the board right now and I mean cuz that is amazing. She's for Alexandria. She is for it oh so so that's even for even higher than for Rome is for Alexandria? I think it's same tier. Alexandria, famous city, famous library that Julius Caesar burned down.

Alexandria was founded by Alexander the Great and became a cultural center and he conquered it. Now cuz are those real or are those natties? Those are natties. Those are not fakes. Those are natties. Those are hard to take dude. That's hard to take. Do you think Colin Farrell in this type of sex scene absolutely has to get wood? There's no way you can't get wood.

I don't know. Is it easy to get wood when there's a grip over it, where there's a microphone over your head? Yeah, when there's lighting. I feel like a kid, like you would like it. I would like it because I would be... I feel like if you were alone in the room with Rosaria Dawson, you wouldn be able to get wood. You'd have to tell you got to suck it a little bit babe just to get hard babe. But if there was a lot of guys in the room... If there's a lot of guys in the room, make no mistake, I'd have a Woodrow Wilson immediately. Because I think you'd go pure very easy. I mean these boobies are very very very hard to take. I don't know if posting a picture of this will get demonetized but we will throw up a photo at patreon.com slash history hyenas of these natties, even though they are public, available online.

We could get demonetized, but then again, I don't know, because it is now Trump's America. So things are different. The host of MSNBC, Joe Scarborough and that other lesbian, they had a meeting with Donald Trump two days ago, and they talked about, it's all over the news right now, they talked about cleaning the slate and just let's try to be all in this together.

So make no mistake, Donnie T. is coming out there and trying to unite. He's trying to unite the country and also I think RFK Jr. is really working with dentists right now to make a little money on the side. That's what it is. Because once they pull that fluoride out of the water, I think we're just gonna look like,

it's just gonna look like we're England. It's bad, yeah. I think people's teeth are just gonna fall apart. They're gonna get knocked out. Because you can't trust people to brush their teeth twice a day. Are you a twice a day kind of kid? What I am, so I'm a twice a day kid

in the morning and at night, and now as of late, because my daughter has told me I need to do this, I'm a flosser. You floss? I'm a flosser. Yeah, I was a flosser. You floss. I'm a flosser. Yeah. Yeah. I was a water pick guy, but now I'm a flosser. Yeah. I don't floss. I brush twice a day. I try and that's about it. But I have noticed since I've not been exposed to New York City water.

Right. I mean, I don't think they have this problem in Smithtown. No. Because I think Smithtown's got good fluoride in water. By the way, I want to shout out, I want to shout out. Shout out Smithtown water. Shout out Smithtown water. I want to also shout out the fan who came to my show in Salt Lake City, Utah this weekend, the wise guys, who all of a sudden, the waitress came up with a tray full of five waters

and they said, and the guy in the background said, those are some water spiel. And they just bought me up some waters. And that was a funny good bit to just put five bottles of water on the stage. Yeah, because I was so, I apologize to anyone who bought tickets in St. Louis. It wasn't my fault. That's all I'm gonna say.

It's what it is, because. Mistakes were made that had nothing to do with me. That's all I'm gonna say. Yeah, I mean, yeah, one of the funniest stories ever. Yanni was supposed to be in St. Louis, and then it didn't happen. I mean, I literally texted him. I was steps away from getting on the plane. I supposed to be in St. Louis and then it didn't happen. I mean, I literally texted him. I was steps away from getting on the plane.

I said, how's St. Louis this weekend? He said, I'm actually hiking in New York. And I was like, wow. But we will tell that story and name names at patreon.com. We'll do it on Patreon. Yeah, we'll do it on Patreon. But I do, yeah, it's Alexander the Great.

And this is a fact, this is what I love about doing the show too is I don't know, I know a little bit about Alexander the Great. What do you know about Alexander the Great. And this is a fact, this is what I love about doing the show, too, is I don't know, I know a little bit about Alexander the Great. What do you know about Alexander the Great? So what I know about Alexander the Great is that he's conquered, he literally took over. I think he was the greatest conqueror of all time,

meaning geographically he was able to take over the most land of any other conqueror in history. I think just it's him and Genghis Khan, I think. But Alexander the Great, but I know that what I, the main thing I know about him is that he did it all wearing a toga and he did it all balls out. And here's what I do know. Here's what I do know. Here's what I'm going to say to you right now. You believe everything you're reading about Alexander the Great, right? I do know that if we were around back then and we were doing a podcast back then we would have called Alexander the great the great Sandblower it yeah, it's probably what we call the kid went out there

And he just he really cleaned up the sand cleaned up the sand yes He he he liked conquering people of the sand he was a see was a real sand sweeper. He was a sand sweeper Yeah, he went over there. He just conquered the sand. It's what it is Alexander Alexander the great you believe everything you read about it He was a sand sweeper. Yeah, he went over there and he just conquered the sand. It's what it is. Alexander the Great, you believe everything you read about it. You know, Jesse's pulled up Alexander the Great Wikipedia and we all believe it, right? But then, let me just make this point. We all believe, we all believe everything we're reading about Alexander the Great.

But you would say, if I brought up something, if I brought up something about Jesus Christ, Oh, here we go. Jesus Christ. you would tell me that maybe what I'm reading could be a lie, could be a fable. Well, let me tell you this. Let me tell you this. As I read about in the Case for Christ by Lee Strobel, which I think everyone should go out there and get and walk around with at all times. Case for Christ is Alexander the Great's biographers

wrote about Alexander the Great upwards of 200 years after his death. Jesus Christ biographers wrote about his life within 20 years of his death. So just take that home with you. I think it was a couple hundred years after his death. What? No, Alexander the Great was a couple hundred years. No, I think it was a couple hundred after Jesus. No, no, no, no, because... Look it up, Jesse. Here's the thing. Look up Case for Christ. It wasn't 200 years because they started writing about him.

The gospels got published two, 300 years after, but the writing from it was within 20 to 30 years, they started writing it. And then what they would do back then is everyone says game of telephone. Everyone talks about, oh, but there's a game of telephone. I could tell you something. And then by the time it gets handed down, handed back, by the time it goes- We have 25 years, we're within 25 years. Within 25 years, this is why Jesus lives within all of us, this is why Jesus does exist.

And this is why I encourage you to go get the case for Christ and to read about Jesus and love Jesus. He is the one true savior, and make no mistake, in this battle of the Crusades, he's gonna fuck you. Whoa! Yeah, we can't say that, right? No, no, listen. and make no mistake in this battle of the Crusades, he's gonna fucking... Waste some shit. Oh yeah, we can't say that, right? No, no, listen.

No, no, you can't say that. Post season is back, baby, and look. Yeah, no, you can't say that. We've rebuilt the team. We've rebuilt the team. And we're going for another chip. So that's what's going on. Yeah, no, I'm kidding around.

We can't, just make no mistake. The shit's getting mad at that. No, just... Can't say it, I'm kidding around. We got we can't despair Yeah, no just can't say it I'm just messing around we'll put that part on Patreon 15 hyenas Roman and Serengeti Cackling like crazy over Christie's face over that whole part. Yeah, it's what it is cuz but make no mistake Jesus Christ is real and he's within us all But most of the Bible was written at the council of Nicea by a bunch of Roman pedophiles. Constantinople, cuz. Yeah, yeah, it's what it is. It's what is. They didn't clip me though. No, they didn't. No matter what. You got nicked. I got nicked. You did get nicked. Just like a certain

family member. Yeah, so what happens is... Which, by the way, I spoke to him. I'm not going to say, I spoke to him. He told me that if we do a live show that he will come and he will do a performance Are you serious? I swear to God and I told that serious. Yeah, listen. Yeah, I'm gonna tell you it right now Do you understand that that would that would I wouldn't be able to handle? Okay, hold on would be able to handle it Jesse make sure you do like it's it. I can't I'm gonna tell you how funny it is I'm gonna tell you right now in real time what I spoke to what I said all of this right now is at patreon.com History hyenas. So just put this part right there because I cannot give this way to YouTube.

And we're back. So now we're finally back into YouTube folks. Welcome back. Welcome back. We have to just go a little detour. We went wild at patreon.com slash history hyenas and we went kind of nuts, but now we're back and we're back. We're focused. We're talking about Alexander the Great and how the kid had a big ego, and that's what really fuels all wars, that's what being a human is. It's like, can you use your ego for good or bad? And your ego, if you let it start to get the best of you, you said something before the pod started, you said, if you worry about your outcome, and that's what I've

been preaching, it's about your effort, not your outcome. You have to enjoy the process. Control your output, not your outcome. That's out of control. And you have to enjoy your output. You have to enjoy the process. That's where happiness comes. Happiness comes from enjoying the process, not worrying about the outcome. If you're enjoying what you're doing, it doesn't matter what the outcome is.

You got to enjoy it. You got to have a good time. You're here to have a good time and you have to have your ego disappear over the horizon and understand that life is suffering we're gonna die but that's a freeing realization because what you realize when you realize when you accept that with radical acceptance is that it's not all about you and that ironically in some oxymoronic way frees you up from worry yes because it makes you realize realize that you are part of something greater.

Greater. So even though your ego is not real, you are part of something greater. You are great only because you're part of Jesus Christ's spleen. That's what I told you. Yeah. That's what the common theme when people do ayahuasca, okay? Everyone from, you know, Mark Cuban and billionaires to my stepson's father. Everyone who does ayahuasca says the same thing. That what the main thing you realize here, and this is just what they say, I've never done it, but we will do it together.

You and I will do it together. I've never done it yet. But what the main thing they say, and this is from, it's all over online, it's the same common theme that they realize that we are all connected. We are all one. You, where I'm you, you're me, we're all the universe. It's all from the same thing. We're all connected. And what life really is about and what happiness really is about in life is helping others, helping your fellow man and woman. That's what you're supposed to do. That's what life is. So the

more money that you make is a beautiful thing, but really why it's beautiful is because you can help you and your family, but you can also help others with it. So that's what all connects. And occasionally have a do something for yourself nice, like have a spa day, a little massage, or a black and white cookie, or slice of pizza, or maybe a souvlaki for the table. It's what it is, or souvlaki for the table, and you just kind of live life and you have fun and you know what mate? Or go out and just conquer every place in Persia and try to go to India to have your troops say we're done. His troops just said it. Tell us about it. Yeah so his troops just said we've had enough dog. We've been on the road for eight years. Remember Führer just means leader

in German. That's all it means. We learned that when we were in Munich and we were on that tour. He said, you know, back then Fuhrer, they just called him mine Fuhrer because it means my leader. Yeah, it was. So I'm just saying leader in German. That's all it is. Yeah, I'm not referring to Hitler. The meme we're gonna put up on page, all right.

The meme we're gonna put up on page right there, cops, that's history, hyenas, is referring to Hitler. And you fucking, here's the thing, okay? With the hyena fit, you little fuckers yeah if you guys ever repost us anywhere else then we can't act like that again so just where it's up to you yeah it's up to you to fight to just keep that content there where we allow us to go wild and it is up to you if you see it out there to rat out your brother

your sister and let us know and then we will handle them. Okay, so we are encouraging you if you see people out there reposting the content, you let us know and then we'll go find them. Yeah, we, you know, we're trying to just have some fun here is what we're trying to do. That's what it is. It's too funny to show. Yeah, I'm asking you people to be the Gestapo. Yeah, watch each other.

Yeah, that's what it is. Watch it out and then if you see it, you know, people act like you know who's you fucking let us know. So yeah, his troops just said, mind fewer, we've had enough. But they said it in Greek and they said, we've had enough, dude. We haven't been home in eight years. Right. And then he makes this famous speech. Alexander the Great does. It's the craziest speech. I don't know if we want to put it on the podcast. It's a couple of minutes long, but it's nuts. No, I think so. It's fucking nuts, dude. I love a speech speech like that like an inspirational speech while the Greek soldiers are just sitting there listening you know they're just

just kind of covered in olive oil just did they bet with it was this ain't was this group of Greeks did they also bang each other out was the Alexander the Great Greeks were they the ones who also like that sacred band of Thebes said that they would have sex with each other the night before battle so they would they would make them stronger men but they were just really gay kids that were trying to be not gay. Yeah, so you had Athens, you had Sparta, you had thieves, right, thieves, thieves. And they were the three city-states that were powerful.

They always fought each other because Greeks just, they really, just like when they won the World Cup, they need a German to unify them without a German unifying because the World Cup team had a German coach and they won the World Cup. It was one of the biggest upsets in sports history. It was because they had a German unifying, because the World Cup team had a German coach and they won the World Cup. It was one of the biggest upsets in sports history. It was because they had a German coach. When you don't have a German organizing the Greeks, the Greeks just like to in-fight,

and that's just what they do, and that's why the Greeks never had a civilization or an empire before Alexander the Great, because they were just fighting with each other. So the Sacred Band of Thieves comes from that city state, and it worked. It was just like a bunch of soldiers that banged each other out and were in love with each other. So the Sacred Band of Thieves comes from that city-state and it worked. It was just like a bunch of soldiers that banged each other out and were in love with each other. They called each other afterwards. And they loved each other. And they said because

the main thing was we can only protect each other in battle, I can only protect you if I'm in love with you. So they were of the city-states, they were the San Francisco of the city-states. They were the gay section of the city-states. Well technically all the city-states were the San Francisco by today city states. They were the gay section of the city states. Well technically all the city states were the San Francisco by today's standards because everyone was banging dudes out. It's what it is. It wasn't thought of as homosexuality back then. You were just being a guy. It was thought of a stress release. Yes. You just what it is. You kind of just get so you just put it in somebody's you just put it in somebody's Buddha church. You had options back then. You had look there was a lot of muff back then so think guys, I think that had a lot to do with it. I think

guys just, there was fumes, there was muff, and so guys did what they needed to do procreation, but they didn't have to stick around and listen to their wives tell them what they do. It's what it is. They had options. There was a lot on the menu. Right. It was other things on the menu, right? The pizza was the women, and then there was the other side of the pizza menu which had eunuchs, had guys, had trans. And let's make no mistake because it was a different world and sometimes, I was gonna say, because sometimes a boy soldier was just for the table. in the middle there was just a boy for the table the kid would just get banged out and it's just the way the cookie crumbled

and now my friends is what we call Ruth Bader Ginsburg Ruth Bader Ginsburg yeah so what do we got let's do the speech you can get chills from this are we gonna get? Let's do the speech. The speech is done. You're gonna get chills from this. Are we gonna get demonetized for the speech? No. You're gonna hear this speech on Flagrant 2. Well, he's talking to his guys.

He's going, guys, sit down. We need to talk. Yeah. And then at the end, he's probably gonna call it a truthbater, Ginsburg. Say he made it up. Okay, right now it's just a long intro. I mean, he might've downloaded the wrong one. Let's be honest.

Okay, here we go. This is the problem. Come on. Everything took, this was before the internet where, you know know everyone was aware of how good a dramatic build was yeah but we're not there anymore yeah so Alex speak yeah LRA But I want you to know how you have behaved towards me, and how I have treated you. I'll begin as is right with my father, Philip.

When he found you, you were mere peasants, wearing hides, tending a few sheep on the mountain slopes, and you could barely defend them from your neighbors. It gets good. Under him you began living in cities with good laws and customs and he turned you from slaves into rulers over those very barbarians who used to plunder your land. He conquered most of Thrace, taking the best harbors so there was trade and prosperity and put the mines to steady work. The Thessalians, they used to terrify you. Well, we rule them now.

The Athenians and Thebans, always looking for a chance to attack Macedonia, were so humbled, myself playing my small part in the war, that they no longer take tribute from Macedonia was so humble myself playing my small part in the war that they no longer take tribute from Macedonia. Yeah, they used to fuck. We fucked out. Protection. My father went to the Peloponnese and put their house in order.

Then he was declared supreme commander of all the Greeks for the campaign against the Persians and not for himself but for all this is what my father Philip did for you great enough on its own but small compared to what you've gained from me I crossed the Hellespont even though back then the Persians still commanded the sea. I defeated the satraps of the great King Darius. You call them the sand traps? Sand traps. Yeah.

Iolus, Phrygia and Lydia and took Miletus by siege. The rest of the land surrendered willingly and their wealth became yours. All the riches of Egypt and Cyrene, which I won without a fight, are yours now. Syria, Palestine, Mesopotamia, Babylonia, all belong to you. They took Palestine. They were the original Jews. They were, right? They took Palestine. Yeah. The treasures of Persia, the jewels of India and the outer sea.

It wasn't called Palestine then. You are now satraps. So this is a little Jews-to-peer. You are generals and captains. I think it was called the Sanla. What have I held back from myself apart from this purple cloak and diadem? Nothing. No man can point to my riches. Yeah. so that you could sleep soundly. Who among you believes he's worked harder for me

than I have for him? This is Michael Jordan talking on the bowls. Yeah. If you've got scars, strip and show them to me. This is Shultz talking to his staff. It's what it is. There isn't one part of my body, the front at least, that doesn't bear a wound.

My body's covered in scars from every weapon he can think of. This is Shultz talking to his cabinet. It's what it is, yes. Swords, arrows, stones, clubs. All for the sake of your lives, your glory and your wealth. And yet here I still am, leading you as conqueror of land and sea, rivers, mountains and the plains. We've celebrated our weddings together. Many of your children will be cousins of my own.

We're all banging. Yes, we are. We paid off your debts without asking how you got them. Even though you're paid well enough and pillage every city we take. Many of you wear golden crowns, badges of courage and honor given you by me. Any one of us who was killed, who met a glorious end, we buried with full honors. Many now stand immortalized by bronze statues in Macedonia. Their families are honored and pay no taxes

Republican administration, yeah, no taxes. I like that Be welcomed back home as heroes, But since you all wish to go, let all of you. This Friday, May I speak freely? I prefer English. The Naked Gun is the most fun you can have in theaters. Yeah, let's go! without getting arrested.

Is he serious? Is he serious? He's... no. The Naked Gun. Only in theaters Friday. Go! Go home and tell them that your king, Alexander, conqueror of the Persians, Nidis, Bactrians, and Scythians, who now rules over the Parthians, Kharazmians, and Hyakhanians as far as the Caspian Sea,

who's marched over the mountains of the Hindu Kush, crossed the Oxus and the Hanaius rivers, even the Indus, first to cross it since Dionysus himself. I would have crossed the Hyphaces too if you hadn't cowered in fear, who sailed into the great sea from the mouth of the Indus, who crossed the desert of Gedrosia, where no one had ever led an army, who took Carmenia, while my fleet sailed the Persian Gulf. When you get home, you tell them that when you made it back to Susa, you abandoned him and went home, leaving him under the protection

of the foreigners you'd conquered. Perhaps this report of yours will seem glorious in the eyes of men and worthy in the eyes of the gods. Be gone. Wow. Did they leave? No. Then they kept fighting. Yeah, exactly. And then eventually they turned around because they said we had enough Alexander, but then they got killed, right? They got

conquered. They conquered more stuff on the way back. The kid is the Floyd Mayweather of conquerors. He lost no battles. He's undefeated. Undefeated. Kid's 50 and 0. And then he did a charity fight against a fucking Eastern Hemi who was a lot smaller and made a million in Japan. But it is. Yeah. And he did all this stuff. I think the kid was in his 30s.

He died at 32. He died at 32. So that means he's making a speech like that at 28, 29. Yeah, he made a speech like that. Yeah, and I was still sleeping in my mom's house in my childhood bedroom scared of ghosts and scared to sleep with the light off. Yeah. And Alexander the Great was just a different guy. Yeah, he was a different guy. He was an interesting guy

He was born in Macedonia Macedonia. What is Macedonia? So this is a very controversial thing for Greeks and for Macedonians So since I'm Greek, I'm gonna say for the Greeks Macedonia is Greek and for the Macedonians I'm gonna say Macedonia was Macedonia. Okay, that's what I'm gonna say Okay, but they were Greek culturally they were Greek but it was sort of like thought of as like the backwoods of Greece, right? So you had the major city-states of like we said Thebes Sparta and and Athens and at the time those three were kind of running on fumes Not the not our type of fumes, but just like they had had more of a golden hour. Would you say that the Greeks looked at Macedonia as an island of garbage?

They kind of looked at it like an island of garbage. It's what it is. Yeah and then... Make no mistake. So if I was live back then, I'd be trying to bang out the Macedonians. You'd be trying to get up. Yeah, you'd be doing that and that's just what it is. There'd be migrants from Macedonia sneaking into Athens to work. Okay. Yeah, and taking over complexes in Aurora, Greece. Got it. Okay. Something like that. But according to Dan Soder, that's not happening. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So who knows? Yeah. But so that's what it was at the time. Yes. That's really an apt, you know, example. So then Philip II comes along and he's just a beast. Philip II Yeah, but so that's what it was at the time. Yes. That's it. That's really an apt, you know example So then Philip the second comes along and he's just he's just a beast Philip the second is after Alexander the great No, it's the second is his father. Okay, Philip the second is Alexander the great's father is Philip the second Philip the second

Right. So King Philip just is an ill dude and he just turns Macedonia into a powerhouse. Yeah, and they're Greek They speak Greek. They got all the cultural Greek stuff. Just like the Romans, basically, the old expression, Rome conquered Greece, but Greece conquered Rome because it's Greek culture. We're still living with it. We're the greatest. Anyway, that aside.

That's what it is. So by the way, all this is being told, even that speech, it was 300 years after his death. If you want the real truth, turn to Jesus Christ. 20 years after his death, the Bible is written, those are the true words. Yeah, so he turns it into a powerhouse. He goes and conquers Greece and unites Greece.

Philip. Okay. He goes down there and he beats them up. He doesn't even fucking really bother with Sparta too much because they were too broken down by that point. They weren't the fierce fighting, like they weren't the Spartans from the 300. No, no. That was years ago.

Yeah, they were just so he conquers Athens, conquers Thebes, he conquers Greece, unifies Greece. I think he leaves Sparta a little bit, but kind of, he doesn't even care. They're done. Yeah, and then there's an assassination attempt over Philip. And then he gets killed by one of his own bodyguards.

Philip does. Philip does. Because there's infighting, like we have. There's infighting, oh you know, he's going, he's overextending, oh his taxes are too high, I hate this guy, what about these people, what about the able-bodied people, what about DEI? All that stuff is probably happening back then too. Like Philip is too much of an authoritarian, whatever.

So his bodyguard kills him, and then Alex takes command. Now Alex was a fucking, he was a precocious kid from the get-go, from the get-go. Because he was raised wealthy, this kid, right? This kid was raised wealthy, but he was just kind of a beast, dude, he was just kind of born. What does precocious mean? Precocious means he was just smart, early,

he was tutored from when he was 13 years old, his father went and got Aristotle. He went and kidnaped Aristotle. So Aristotle was trained by Alexander the Great. Aristotle trained Alexander the Great. Yeah, he was his tutor. He was his personal tutor. That's wild. So that's like Elon Musk being your personal tutor. Exactly. Wow. Yeah, so Aristotle was- Did Lex Friedman ever text you back about the pod?

He did it. Okay. We're trying to get on Lex Friedman's pod yeah I don't her friends but you can't trust those we did get on Joey Rogan yeah way shart sheens and cackles way shart sheens and latin that's a lot of 14 that was definition of a lot of 14 is just character piece we're messing around to character piece with training with our acting yeah we just do it we just we want to put a play on for the boys at the fucking at the at the firehouse. Yeah. So that's all we do. We're doing a little play night.

You know, most of the times there's no fires. Yeah, it's just what they don't know. We sit around. We do we do we do. We play around with different dishes. Yeah, we do dishes. We learn how to cook. We do. We have we have we play word. Yeah, we do that. It's what it is. We're actually you know, the off nights at the firehouse. They probably played Django. Yeah

What is that thing when you pull the wood block out? What's that game called? They play Jenga I think Jenga's yeah, they play a little sorry. Yeah, those are jeans. Yeah. Yeah, they play around with dishes We watch movies we did the whole fucking we did all the second season of Yellowstone It's what it is cuz we're gonna do it and then we're gonna do a nice little play where we're honoring, we're actually gonna honor our friends, our Jewish friends, we're gonna do a musical where they skate around, we call Frisbees on Ice. And it's a good positive play. It's a good thing for our community. Yeah, it's a little trick. And we're gonna charge you $20.

Yeah, we're doing skits over there now. Yeah, we're doing skits and it's good and it's fun. And it's fun, Kyle. Yeah, it's a skits over there now. Yeah, we're doing skits and it's good and it's fun. And it's fun, guys. Yeah, it's a fun thing over there. Yeah, we even told our boys in the firehouse, we even told them that they could even go in, they could even go into fires now that had, if they had, we used to tell them if they voted for Kamala

they can't go into that house to put out the fire, but now we told them they could put out the fire. Jesse really liked Frisbees on ice. Jesse's like Frisbee on ice because maybe we'll make that a t-shirt. So, yeah. So yeah. So Alexander the Great tutored by Aristotle.

Which is sick. Yeah. I mean, think about how, what a smart, and now we're talking about, he's a teenage kid getting tutored by Aristotle. He's a young teenage kid getting tutored, and he was just, he was a good soldier. He was strong from when he was young.

And so there was this horse, there was this horse that his father had in his stable that nobody could tame Nobody could tame this horse now and Alexander the Great loved this horse dog And this is the horse that he used his whole life to to to dust up the sand So this it was but how do you pronounce that boss boss? So, it was, how do you pronounce that? Bos- Bos-kala? Bucephalus. Bucephalus.

Bucephalus. So he tamed this wild horse that nobody could tame and supposedly when he did that, his father was so impressed, his father sat him down and said, son, Macedonia is not big enough for your ambition. You're a special kid. Yeah. You're a special kid and you're going to do great things. Yeah.

And so he rode that horse all the way through the desert. I'd make no mistake, he was riding that horse past the horse judges and my uncle Russell was there going that horse got a nice cobby body. He's got a cobby body and this is my first place horse. Yes. Yes, this is so, and that's the horse that he used the whole way to conquer.

So then his dad always had plans to conquer Persia because Persia was always Greece's enemy. They were always screwing with Greece. You know the movie Sparta. They wanted always were screwing with Greece, but the Greeks never fell to the Persians. We always fought back. We always won. So the whole the goal once Macedonia got strong, we're going into Persia. We're taking out Darius. Here's the funny thing. I always thought it was Darius. That's what I thought. But you pronounce it Dari-ice or something. Dari-ice. Just like Kamala. People say it's not Kamala. It's...

How do you pronounce it? Kamala. Kamala. But I always call it Kamala. I always call it Kamala. It's Kamala and a lot of people say Kamala. No, it's... It's Kamala Harris. Kamala Harris. No, it's... Kamala.

Kamala. Kamala. But a lot of people say Kamala. Right. Kamala. Or Kamala. Kamala. people say Kamala. Right. Kamala. Or some people say Kamala. Yeah. Yeah. So I used to call her Kamala and people get mad at me.

Right. But it's Kamala Harris. It's Kamala. Right. Same thing, I thought it was Darius, but it's pronounced another way. And Darius is the one who in the movie 300, that Darius and his Persian army, that's who they're fighting against. Yes.

Okay. So Darius was like the supreme leader of Persia. So Alexander just develops this reputation of just mowing shit down. Yeah, because they got these long spears, right? Yeah, so a lot of historians can't agree on whether It was more the Spears or it was Alexander's military prowess if he asked Julius Caesar and you asked Napoleon They'll say Alexander's military prowess because make no mistake Napoleon the only reason why he went and conquered Egypt is because is because Alexander did it right there was no strategic they idolized Alexander the great Napoleon idolized him Julius

Cedars are idolized them and so he's he's mostly considered by most historians he's considered to be a military genius genius right so the kid was just mowing shit down Floyd Mayweather style Michael Jordan six championships in a row yelling yelling at his guys. He's doing it. Lance Armstrong winning everything with one ball. Yeah, he's doing it with one ball. Maybe a little steroids.

Maybe the kid did a couple of cycles of winstrol. We don't know. But this kid was fucking motivated. Because can I just say real quick, don't you think at this point now Netflix did the live show, the live fight with Tyson and Jake Paul, whatever you thought about is fine. Shouldn't baseball or sports start doing that? Have a live home run derby where you let the guys go on steroids for a year and then you give them an aluminum bat and let them hit 900-foot home runs live on Netflix. Absolutely. Let's do that. And I think what also baseball should do, because it needs a little help during the regular season, is just have a couple of blind guys with guns. Yes.

Just shooting onto the field during the game. Yeah. Just they're blind, but they got guns and they're just shooting. It keeps, it makes some movement. I mean, the kid Shohei Otani, that kid is good. He's an Eastern Hemmy who's good. He's an Eastern Hemmy, he's a Japanese kid. I mean, he was hitting home runs where even World War II veterans are clapping for him.

Wei Songxian. Yeah. It's what it is. Good he is. Because when you get a fucking D-Day guy that's clapping for Shohei, that's a big deal. That's a big, huge deal. He's a Korean kid, right? No, he's a Japanese kid.

Oh, he's a Japanese kid. So he's the enemy. Yes, yeah. To a lot of these guys. To a lot of people in their 90s, yeah. And they're clapping for him. Late 90s, yeah. Well, he's a Japanese kid, but a lot of people say,

cause of how good he is in baseball, they think he must be Korean. Well, cause maybe the radioactive helped. It could've. That's good. He got supercharged. Yeah. I mean, he maybe the radioactive helped it could have that's great. Got supercharged Yeah Yeah, the radiation did something special. Yeah, I

I'm not saying i'm no expert. I'm not a scientist. We're not even being mean. How could he be that good? Because he's babe ruth good. How could he be that good? He's just as good a pitcher as he is the homerun near right maybe his radiation Maybe it's a godzilla it's a Godzilla stuff. It could have been, it could have been, it could be supercharged. It's a Garret, the Beast, Ladder 14. Yeah, yeah, sometimes we're on the ice.

Yeah, we were skating around. Sometimes we're in deep waters. Yeah, we're in deep waters. I'm trying to swim back, because I'm in deep water. I wanna get back on the ice. Yeah, because make no mistake, I have a Zoom call today, the very first Zoom call of the executives from the ABC deal. I just closed.

I'm just going to have to tell them to not listen to this podcast. They're just going to say, is there anything we need to talk about? I'm going to say, no, everything's fine. Just don't listen to history hyenas. Yeah. So Alexander the Great. So then he gets obsessed. Philip the Second Son.

So he gets obsessed with killing Darius, which is pronounced another way, I don't remember. Yeah. So he gets obsessed. He's like, I want to kill this dude. I want to kill him myself. I want to kill him. So he's mowing down parts of the Persian Empire, winning battle after battle. Looking for Darius. Looking for Darius. That's sick. He's hunting for the dude. Right. Darius at some point gets word of how like ill These guys are with these long spears that Philip his father created these long spears So what does it explain the long spear? It's just a longer spear that they would throw. It's called something I don't know they throw them they would stab you with it. Whatever it is. They had a special formation They used they used Greek soldiers. They used mercenaries. They were just it was just the way he motivated his soldiers He just was he was a wrecking ball. They were a professional army.

He was a professional army, a wrecking ball, just the way he led them, and supposedly, he was in the front, dude, he would lead. That's what they say. I used to have a joke about that going, I don't believe that, because nobody lives in the front, cuz, like, does anyone, you know, it's always like, the leader's always in the back on a horse,

like looking, going like, you're bad up there, cuz the leader is always in the back on a horse like looking going like bad up there yeah cuz you know nobody comes back with a sprained ankle from the front no you're gonna die but supposedly he led them so but but you could it could have been that he was telling these guys could have been right about me there's no video evidence right he could have been pulling yeah he could have been making a false controversy up yeah he could have been doing that we know a couple guys who do that just making shit up. He could have been marketing a little bit.

But hey, marketing works. And make no mistake, this is show business. It's show business. There's a business to it. OK, so it's just a business. Just like Alexander the Great, he knew it was a business. He knew it was a business. And he knew that he would have to maybe create

some controversy that way or another. He was going to have to create some controversies that may or may not have happened. And then if shit hit the fan, he was just going to have to create some controversies that may or may not have happened, and then if shit hit the fan, he was just going to have to pin it on the Indian kid. That's... Wei Song Xian. But supposedly most historians say he was that type of guy

because he did get injured a lot. But maybe, well his scribes wrote it down, right? Whoever wrote it down, we don't know. But supposedly he was in the front, maybe that's... I mean that speech we listened to, somebody had to be scribing that down, but how did they write that quick if they were chiseling into the concrete?

You don't know. You don't know what he said, but it was a great speech though. It was a fantastic speech. I'm gonna sit the kids down and fucking say, listen to this. Look at all the shit you have. Look at what I've done for you.

Look at what I've done for you. Yeah, and you're gonna do this to me. So the kid Darius just finally gets a little scared. This is the great Persian Empire, right? And he just hears about this kid, this wild Macedonian, he's just mowing things down and he gets scared. And he's like, yo, cut a deal with this kid. Give him part of the Persian Empire.

He's basically a Hollywood exec going, here's a lot of riches, here's some of the land, just please, at this point, when the letter came, Darius used to talk like this. Oh, like that. And then when he wrote the letter came, Darius used to talk like this. Oh, la la la la la la, like that. And then when he wrote the letter, he said, hi. My name's Darius, okay. I wasn't really aware of who you were.

Yeah. Sounds like you're doing a pretty good job out there. And I just think we can live in peace now. We can live in peace. We love it, yeah. Would you like a lot of money? Here's a lot of money. Yeah, love it.

Here's riches. You know, you're kind of getting out of control. You're saying a lot of things. We can't really control you. So I just want to give you a hundred million dollars. I work for Spotify. Yeah. That's what it is. Basically just threw, but he said he's, he had a message sent to Alexander. Here's a hundred million dollars. Yes. Here's your own show. Just please. Here's part of the empire. Take what you've already taken and just leave us. Alexander, who's just a nut, he's a Kobe Bryant nut, goes, no. He goes, no, I'm not doing this for the money, for the riches, I'm doing this for the glory of Greece. I want your ass.

And I wanna do it. And he sends the message, if anyone kills him and it's not me, there's a problem. So he keeps conquering, keeps chasing this kid, and Darius is just running. He's running like a ballet. He's just fucking running at this point. Get away! So finally this guy, Bessie or whatever, this other cat, says maybe if I kill Darius it'll stop and we just give, we just stop this kid because it kills us all. Because they're feeling, the Greek soldiers are feeling on

this quest to kill Darius, we're all gonna die too. No, no this was the Persian cat Bessie. Oh Bessie's the Persian cat. I think his name is Bessie. I think it was Leon Messi. Leon Messi. He was Messi the great footballer. I think his name is Bessie or Bessi. His name's Rami. His name's Rami. Rami Yousef. Yeah. Rami Bessi Yousef. Shout out Rami. Great show. I love Rami's show on Hulu. Great actor too. Great show. You ever see Rami's episode on Hulu about 9-11? No. One of the best episodes. He admit he did it? Yeah. Go watch it. Go watch it. It's a great episode. Okay, yeah, so this guy Bessie or Bessie or whatever kills Darius and sends like the like the, puts him in chains or whatever like yeah sends the body and goes look it's over. Wait Bessie kills Darius?

Yeah, it does it himself because he goes maybe this will stop this kid. Yeah, yeah. These kids are fucking maniacs look it's over. Bessie kills Darius? Yeah, he does it himself, cause he goes maybe this will stop this kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause his kid's a fucking maniac, he's just winning. We can't stop him. How does he kill him, do we know? I don't know, I can't remember how we know, maybe we can look it up. So he kills Darius, and Alexander the Great gets so mad,

he goes and finds Bessie, and kills Bessie for killing Darius. Yeah. Yeah, he's like that's not what I wanted, I said I wanted to kill the kid myself. Kid's obsessed. Yeah, so at that point. Little Franks and Beans cause he's Greek. He's Greek? Cause he's a little inbred. He's a little that's not what I wanted. I said, I wanted to kill the kid myself. Kid's obsessed. Yeah, so at that point. Little Franks and Beans, because he's Greek.

He's Greek. Because he's a little inbred. He's a little inbred. A little inbred. Greeks are a little inbred. Yeah. So because the reason why your eyes are so close is because your parents are so close because they're cousins.

That's what happens when cousins from an island bang out. That's what it is. Yeah, thank God I got a little Turk in me to just roast it. I think I would have one eye. You would have one eye, yes. I think the only reason I got two eyes is because a little Turk genes got in there and just separated the got a little turk in me to just, or else I think I would have one eye. You would have one eye, yes, 100%. I think the only reason I got two eyes is because a little turk genes got in there and just separated the eyes a little bit.

Yeah, so that's what happened. So his name was Bessus. His name was Bessus. And he was, yeah. Bessus killed Darius. Bessus killed Darius III, he assassinated Darius in 330 BC, and then Alexander the Great got so mad, he killed Bessus. He killed Bessus.

Bessus thought he was doing a favor. He thought he was doing a favor and stopping this, going like, they were trying to stop the kid because the kid was just, he was- Out of control. He was like a choo-choo train, he wouldn't stop. Wouldn't stop. And he didn't lose, they just kept winning and winning and winning, and so the Persians are going like, we're the mighty Persians.

Yeah. Like, they were scared of him, like, how's he doing this? So at this time in history, were the Persians are going like we're the mighty Persians. Yeah. Like they were scared of him like how's he doing? So at this time in history were the Persians number one and the Greeks number two? Number one. The Persians had were the leader. The Persians were the United States. They were the number one. Got it. They had the science. The Chinese, they're coming. The Chinese they were coming. They were the underdog, they were coming. They were the Oklahoma. Yeah, Oklahoma, Macedonia. Yeah, they were OKC right now. They're just coming. They're coming. They were the Oklahoma, yeah, they were OKC right now. They're just coming, they're coming, young team, they're coming, and he got so mad he went and killed him. He had him tortured. He didn't know what he did to him. I don't know. He had the kid tortured. His asshole was probably used.

It's 100% his asshole. I'm sure when the Greeks did torture they incorporated the asshole in some way. With a Greek torture, no matter what you do, you know that there's going to be honey involved, so I would assume that they poured honey and olive oil over them and they just let the scorpions eat them. Yeah, they did. That's what it is. But make no mistake, a Greek's not going to torture you unless there's a little honey, lemon juice, and olive oil involved.

It's what happened. And a goat. It's what it is. And so then, then after he does that, he wants to keep going. Yeah. He's like, we're going to go get the laser beam. We're getting everybody. Getting everybody. Let's go. We're going to fight the elephants. Yeah. And the Pers we're gonna go get we're gonna go get the laser beam. We're getting everybody. Everybody. Let's go we're gonna fight the elephants. Yeah. And

the Persians did have some elephants too. Hundred percent. Yeah. But that but I understand using elephants back then. That was a big mighty animal. I don't understand using elephants in modern warfare. Yeah. So then after that after he it's crazy he conquers Persia he goes down because they drive these people they traveled they marched like thousands and thousands and thousands. Probably dying along the way. Dude, the march he took his soldiers on, you could understand why they had had enough.

It was eight years or 10 years straight. Because those kids' fit bits must have been going off. Off the charts. Yeah. Everywhere they went, they plundered, they raped, they got rich, and I think it just got old even for them, and they were like, Alex, we've had enough, dude. I just want to go home. I've done it all.

I've banged enough to, I've done, got enough money. I've just had enough. He made the march all the way back down. So they were all the way up in Persia. In sandals, cuz. In sandals. They didn't even have new belts. Sneakers on.

They did this in sandals. Yeah. Can you imagine? They must have had a podiatrist on staff. 100% yeah, they had your father-in-law. Yeah. So they marched down and then he goes and he takes, he takes Egypt. In the middle of Persia, he's like, let's go, I gotta go get that. So he goes down, he gets all

that. Was Egypt high and mighty? Well, that's Cleopatra, right? Well, no, that comes later. Okay, sorry, I'm jumping ahead. Yeah, that's more of the Rome era. So he takes Egypt and he founds Alexandria and he founds the city and all along the way, the kid is so wild, all along the way of his conquering of Persia, he founds all these cities and guess what he calls them all? Alexandria. Alexandria. Yeah.

He just, everyone's like, here's another Alexandria. Cause make no mistake, there's an Alexandria in Virginia. He didn't even conquer, he just said, throw one over there. He's like, throw it over there. Yeah. He just would call them all Alexandria. He was not a creative kid. He was a conqueror.

He was like George Foreman. Just naming all his kids George Foreman or Georgina Foreman. That's what it is. Yeah, they were all Alexandria. And the one, the Alexandria that was the farthest in Persia, he named that one the farthest Alexandria. They were all named Alexandria. There's only one Alexandria that survives

and that's Alexandria, Egypt. But then it became like a power, how it became like a very important like a you know a very important intoxicated with the power at this point How's the kid you yeah, I mean there's how do you view this kid? I mean there was a lot of people who in Macedonia viewed him as a tyrant. They hated him They thought he was a tyrant there was different opinions Just like there are today of different political and military leaders leaders I guess back then you couldn't separate the military and the political leaders, they were both. He's the leader, one and the same.

You also couldn't publicly say back then that you disliked Alexander the Great. You'd be killed for that. You get your head cut off. You get your head cut off. You get your head cut off. But what he did do is he spread Hellenic culture everywhere and he did encourage intermarriage

with the people he conquered. So that's good. To unify stuff. So it wasn't a racist kid. No, and he set up viceroys everywhere to control with the people he conquered. So that's good. To unify stuff. So it wasn't a racist kid. No, and he set up viceroys everywhere to control the areas that he conquered. But here's the thing about Alexander.

He really was a great military general. He was one of the best, if not the best, but that's about it. Because the empire didn't last. He died when he was 32 So maybe it's like Jimi Hendrix, right? We're calling him the greatest guitarist of all time because the kid died real young, right? We didn't get to see him like go into his 60s and yeah and and do Baskin Robbins commercials, right?

So maybe like if he would have lived he would have like soiled his own legacy by doing Yeah, it's like it's like guess what like, like guess what, Biggie Smalls is an amazing rapper, but he died too young. I mean right now, make no mistake, he would be on Ozempic and it just wouldn't look good. It just wouldn't be a bad look. Like Madonna now, you're just going, this is not a good look.

Some people just living past their legacy. Look at Elvis Presley at the end of his life, dying fat on the toilet. You don't want that. If he would have died at 32, we're calling Elvis the greatest of all time. Exactly. But you saw him at the end. So it's good that Alexander died at 32. How did the kid die?

Because if he didn't die, because you know he'd be in his 50s and he'd be doing feta cheese commercials. It's just what it is. He'd be selling olive oil or something like that. It's what it is. Maybe he'd start a podcast at the time. It just wouldn't be a good look. Yeah, he would just be coming into his twilight years looking at soldiers going, it's about radical acceptance. Yeah, it would just be a different. We just know him as that young great

conqueror. Yeah it's just it's just what it is. Now he dies so he dies. But before that... When does he get to bang out Cleopatra? How does that happen? That's a totally different era. Is that not Alexander the Great? No that's not Alexander the Great. They talking you're talking about Julius Caesar and Mark Antony who also begged out JLo. But wait a second. They got to bang out Cleopatra and JLo. That's amazing. That's amazing Didn't Alexander the Great in Rosario Dawson this movie about Alexander the great? That was Roxanne. Oh Rose That was the Persian. It was his Persian wife Roxanne who fucking murdered his other wives She was a jealous kid, but she had a nice she was a she was probably

The kid the kid bang and then he had his so then he got his Alexandria before he dies In the hallway the hallway. He's got these three generals that are really great They don't get enough credit told me the other guy and the other guy that Jesse will pull up Those are the three guys that end up after a lot of infighting after he dies because he didn't name his successor You know, he had no plans. He had will, he didn't expect he was gonna die. He died of a fever poisoning or something. They don't know. They don't know.

But so Cassander, Ptolemy, and Seleucus were the three that took over his empire afterwards, and the Ptolemy dynasty is the one that ruled Egypt, and that's where Cleopatra comes in. She's a descendant of the Ptolemies, that family. Got it. She's an inbred bitch. And she was a piece.

Not even really, supposedly. We're doing that, we're doing that, I think we did Cleopatra, but we'll do it again. We'll do it again. She was supposedly just really confident and like sexy, but not that much of a piece. She had a fucking, she had a nose. You suppose a big nose.

She had a beak. And she wasn't purebred Egyptian. She ruled over Egypt. She was a Greek girl. Yeah, because the Greeks ruled over Egypt. Yeah, it's what it is. That dynasty that was started from that general who was under Alexander the Great.

Now, Alexander was a kid that had a boyfriend. It's what it is. The kid just had a boyfriend. He had a bang and chicks, but he had a boyfriend. She had wives. He was bang and chicks. A lot of the times, he took wives for political reasons to unite the places he conquered. But the whole time his true love, in much like a Chrissy situation, he banged women and he loved a man. He loved

a man. He loved a man, Hestavia. How do you pronounce that? Where do we see it? Alexander the Great's best friend was Hephaestion. Hephaestion. A Macedonian nobleman in general's army, and they said his best friend. So make no mistake, cuz if you're a man with a best friend, you're banging that guy. Dude, they were, it was his closest friend and bodyguard, but most people-

They were together for 13 years. They were lovers. So the situation is they were lovers, and back then it wasn't considered gay. It's interesting when you hear about this stuff because everyone did it. It was just, everyone was bisexual back then. There was no, it wasn't considered, oh, that guy's gay.

The illest guys were doing it. The strongest guys were doing it. So back then, Alexander the Great and Hephaestion would be having a podcast talking about the history during their time, and then at the end, they would just kiss on the lips. They just kiss on the lips. And Alexander, when he was in a different mood for a different cuisine They just kiss on the lips. It's what it is. And Alexander, when he was in a different mood

for a different cuisine, he just ordered something different. It's what it is. So if he was banging his wife, and then the next night he was like, give me a fucking ballist boy. Yeah, it's what it is. And I'm just going to play with his asshole, and then bring, and when I want love, I'm calling Hestavius.

What's how do you pronounce it? I think it's Hephaestia. I'm calling Hephaestia, and I'm fucking cuddling with the kid. It's what it is, cuddling. This is cuddling. Alexander the Great said, I need. fucking cuddling with the kid. It's what it is, cuz this is cuddling. Alexander the Great said I need... For the table.

For the table! That's what it is! But when he wanted love and he wanted to cuddle and he wanted to lay on somebody's hairy chest, he called up Hephaestia. He called up, who was his bodyguard and his best friend, and they were lovers, cuz they were in a relationship. It's what it is. For years.

Yeah. Yeah, and so they were together for over 13 years. They were together this whole run. Until he died. He traveled with him, he took his family on the road. Yeah. It's what it is. I think, no mistake, part of his family was just a guy.

It was a guy. He had a wife and kids and then he had a boyfriend. He took his fucking, and it was his main guy. Yeah. So make no mistake, his wives were not first tier. No, the boyfriend. His stavion was fucking his family. Because when he died, when he died,

the kid was mourning like crazy. Like his wife's died, he was like, all right, what are we gonna eat? He was just like, what's for lunch? When this dude died, he made it into a holiday, there was like days of mourning all throughout the empire. The kid was wailing and crying. I think, I don't think he had,

I think he didn't even probably have sex after that. He couldn't, he was too distraught. He couldn't, he just, you know, I think the only way he could get it up when he was banging these chicks was he was thinking about his Daveon. He just projected his Daveon's face on these chicks but then when his Daveon was a guy he just couldn't do it. He couldn't

do it, he couldn't bang anybody anymore. And then he was gonna die soon after. Yeah and he would try different things like if you suck it a little bit maybe I can get up you suck it a little bit but it just didn't work. It just not enough. He needed that kid to be alive. He needed to face Deon's mouth on that. it's just, listen, isn't that wild that they were OK? It is wild. And I kind of like that world. Like, why do we have to label everything? Let me just be me.

Yeah, I don't think it's a coincidence that you're a kid who loves history, does this podcast, and sort of obviously have those. Deep down, you're just ready for whatever. Because I'm wearing a sweatshirt. You spin the wheel. Because I'm wearing a sweatshirt that says fit mommy. Yeah. It's just what it is.

It says fit mommy. No, look, if we were back then, I don't think we would be soldiers. I just don't think. I think what I would do, I would be too scared to do that. I'm not a warrior. Yeah. I would be, I think I would go gay. I would become gay.

I would be, I'd go into a harem, I'd offer my balls and say take them. 100%. I get fed, I get, all I gotta do is get banged out, take my balls, I'd go into a harem, I'd offer my balls and say take them. Well, I get fed, I get, all I got to do is get banged out, take my balls. We've discussed this on hyenas years ago, where we said we would be eunuchs in one ancient world, we'd be eunuchs, and then like more closer to Revolutionary War times, we'd be the drummer boys at the back. Yeah. We would just be hitting that drum at the back, and then we would go into, when we would go conquering different cities, we would be in there looking for sweets and looking for dudes. That's what it is, and we would be at the back of the army and we would probably dessert. Let's be honest, we'd be deserters.

Yeah, we'd be hung together. Yeah dessert and we would just still just be being us and as we get hung we'd be going, Q! Yeah, that's what would happen. And then the army would be happy to get rid of us. We'd get hung like this, even if we got crucified in Rome. It would be funny to just put us in different eras. Yeah. Somebody's got to make, we're talking to the fans, put us in different eras with this, you know that there's got to be a picture of us drinking smoothies or something. Put us in the different eras. Put us in the crucifixes, put us in Alexander the Great's army, put us in Victorian in England. Just put us in those pictures.

Put us on the crucifix and then put us like with the smoothies and then just put Jordan 1s on Yanni's feet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We would have just, it just, we would have been those kids in any era. Any era, we'd be who we are and I honestly think in any era though, I think we would be probably to the real guys in the army, they would, they would be like, oh, these are the girls that we bring around, these two girls we bring around, even though we're, you know, they would just refer to us as women and I don't, I think we might annoy them, but the top general would say don't kill them because they're funny kids they're fun

girls that just hang around the army and the guys get a kick out of them so they but the and and i think the enemy as well if they ever capsules the enemy would say we don't know what to do with these girls with their kind of blow in our minds and i don't think they would kill us yeah i don't eventually we die anyway i would die from a heart attack in sweets yeah and you would you would probably die because you would just be popping off and pontificating. Someone shoot you in the head.

Yeah, so his empire didn't last long. His generals took over. That lasted longer than his empire. So that lasted a long time. So he died in Babylon of either malaria, typhoid poisoning. What are we talking about? Alexander the Great. Yeah. And you know his three generals took over his empire and to varying

degrees of success for periods of time, but a lot longer than him like I said. But the culture, the Greek culture spread all throughout that region and mixed with local cultures and bred a lot of great stuff and the Greek language was everywhere and so his influence went on. Went on and so, and that's another thing to think about too because by the way, I do think that we're coming into the glory years of American history.

I think these next 20 years are gonna be really good. I have faith but just know that as powerful as America is right now, they were never probably as powerful if you're just looking at like geographical standpoint and just the way the world was back then. They were never as powerful as Alexander the Great's regime and army and even they crumbled. So my point is like America is great right now, but it could also go away because everything goes away. And also those types of kids with the ambition you just see humans always go too far. If the kid would have just stopped, like he didn't want to stop, you got all of Persia, it's time to go home. Set up your

viceroys, now run your empire. He was he was not a good administrator, he was not a good ruler, he was a good military tactician. And I think he kind of knew that in his head or whatever. And he was like, I want to die. I think somewhere subconsciously he was like, I don't want to rule this thing. I get to rush from actually getting the stuff. And then he killed himself.

But that's- Because he didn't find peace and he didn't get friendly with his president and he didn't practice radical acceptance. He got to practice it. He got to get to that point. Unfortunately, Eckhart Tolle wasn't alive yet. Just tell him what was going on.

Yeah. To talk to him about the power of now. Yeah. I mean, because make no mistake, we're going to keep going, but we got to eat. We got to eat. So let me just say. But I got to get, yeah, because make no mistake, I'm a hungry kid. We're going to eat now.

But I already had an oatmeal and I worked out a bad ass because I had a good workout today. You had a good workout. Yeah, we did burpees with 25- dumbbells, and I did nice presses. So you're working out like a housewife now. Working out like a housewife now, yeah. And I was just, yeah. I was on the phone with Joe DeRosa the other day,

and he was like, excuse me, hold on. And I was on hold for 30 seconds, and I said, what are you doing? He goes, I'm working out. I was like, what are you doing? He said he was lifting 10 pound dumbbells and doing bicep curls with them. I was like, you're a faggot.

Yeah, all his shoulders can handle. So he did have a favorite eunuch. So we will end on his favorite eunuch. Oh, yes. Please. Because we love eunuchs on this podcast. And what a eunuch is, if people don't know, a eunuch is, number one, Weishan Xian.

Would you hear that sound effect? That was a famous eunuch. But what a eunuch is is a man who gets his testicles removed. In ancient times, he'd get his testicles removed because the thought was, and they were accurate on this, was the ancient rulers of the time would think, we can't trust men around the harems of women, or really around even them in the private councils because if a man is, they're all motivated by sex and you can't trust a man

that wants to bang women. So they would remove ball, they would remove the sex urge from boys, and they would call them eunuchs, and they would typically work in very close with the king or emperor, and they would rule over their harem of sex slaves that they had because they knew they were safe with this dude. Yeah they would watch the harems they also had multi-purposes later they would be sopranos they'd cut their balls up so they could sing high and also one of the another major purpose of them was to get banged out because when you take the balls out you don't develop the masculine features yeah so you're basically they make you

trance. Yeah it's what it is. It was the way before they had like, seriously, like before they had like estrogen injections or knew anything about that, they just remove the balls at a young age and the kid just looked like a girl. Yeah. It's just what is he got banged out. He got banged out. Boys got banged out with their nuts, but he did have a favorite unique and that favorite unix name was Bagos. Bagos. And Bagos got bagged up. It's what it is. Andrew Bagos. Andrew Bagos got banged. It was his favorite Unix and he had a relationship with that Unix. So he had a favorite

Unix, he had a lover, and he had wives. And do you think that even at during that time... The kid ate everything on the menu. It's what it is because do you think at that time you know the kid Bagos the other soldier was standing around and changed that B to an F when they were writing about him? Wei Zhongxian. You think they would just say that behind his back and they would just call him? Yeah. It's what it is. Yeah Bagos the younger. It's what it is. Yeah he was his little dog lover. So it's just it's it's this stuff from history. Eudics are just one of these wild things from history that they just did to kids. Yeah. They did it in the Eastern Hemisphere. We've spoken about Nero before, like how wild it gets. It just gets wild and they just love it.

And we will do another episode on Nero, but one of the things I remember from our old Histrianias episode of Nero, Fierce do another episode on Nero but one of the things I remember from our old history hyenas episode of Nero a few years ago is that Nero was a kid that had you know wives and stuff and same thing Emperor and the difference between him and Alexander the Great is yes Alexander the Great had a boyfriend and so did Nero but when Nero married his boyfriend Nero wanted to be the bride so Nero put on the veil and the wedding dress and got walked down the aisle as the bride. It's just what it is. Because yeah, power just makes your brain not good.

Because could you imagine going, could you think about your wedding? Yeah. Could you imagine going down as the bride? No, yeah. It'd be a 10. Dude, power just makes, when everything is at your disposal and you don't have to work for anything,

your brain just goes into a weird place and gets scrambled a little bit. Yeah, just like when people listen to this podcast, their brains get scrambled a little bit. And so that was Alexander the Great. Yeah, that was Alexander the Great. And I do think he was great for what he did. I know that there's controversy around him, but I think he's a fascinating guy.

And look, when you go back in history, you realize when, you know, every time we do this podcast and we teach you history, unless you realize things aren't really that much different today. It's just different. Except for Unix stuff. Yeah, today it's just different stuff yeah that's just a little but that's coming back now too or it would have come back but thank God you voted the other way yeah do you think that's coming back at all though

do you think it'll happen again bro I mean yet they're not cutting off their balls but there's people out there who are stopping their testosterone from growing wow so they are the eunuchs are coming back here's an interesting fact I just looked up about bagels which we are the chat GPT slot yeah I just went to chat GPT real quick bagos was actually Darius's eunuch Wow after after Darius got killed I was a spiteful I think it was a spiteful fuck yeah wow took it because he was a Persian eunuch that was dad he was in Darius's court and it was it was it was his eunuch so he was like this having him dead is not good enough,

killing Bessos isn't good enough, now I need to fuck his eunuch. That's crazy. Yeah, so he joined his entourage and quickly gained favor and Alexander just fucking licked his neck and banged his ass. It licked his neck and banged his ass. And cuz, you know what that just made me think of?

I don't know why it's popping in, but you know what we gotta do again? We gotta go on a walking tour. Everybody used to go on the Big Onion walking tours. We gotta go on them when it gets nice in the winter. Yeah, cuz should we read some Patreon names? Oh, you wanna, oh yes. Well, yeah, that's the end of the episode.

And now here we go. We got the Patreon names, which by the way, we are catching up on. Okay, if you have not heard your name, please don't get upset. We will get you. We just are. There's like 7,000 Patreon members now

and we're halfway through, so we will get your name. You gotta listen every week. at the end of the episode. You go to patreon.com slash historyhyenas. You put in a funny name and then we will pick the funniest name, we put them on a list and then we'll pick the PPW, the pseudopenis of the week and then your name will be up for a week at historyhyenasisback.com.

We've been doing that, right? We've been putting up the PPWs? All right, good. All right, here we go. So now, the newest members of the matriarchy that have signed up in the last couple of weeks let's bring it up oh well we got a big celebrity to start it all off Steve Martin Steve Martin is here good to see you Daniel Donato Joey Cumbum

Cumbum like crumbum yeah the old Frank Rizzo episode but Cumbum is interesting here's the thing he gets a 10 for Cumbum. Cumbum is good. Cumbum's going on the list. Okay, Cumbum. Just because of it's for Crumbum. Yeah. Got it. James Peckle, make my pseudo penis sneeze. Not bad, right?

Put him on the list. All right, wow, we got, wow. Right out the gate. Right out the gate, two out of the six have made the list. This is like Alexander the Great, just charge it into Berger, right out the gate. Yeah, then we got Histism, Kevin Brown, Terrence, Mark, Scott McDonald, Jonathan Delorio, Chris Herrera, Daniel Atchison, Tubbs McGubs. Tubbs McGubs, that was a lot of straight to the backs in a row.

Yeah, Mike Thompson, Mogos Tedla, then we got Kamala Hairyass Goo Gun. Okay, yeah that's a Drexler. Jack Kritzer, then we got Matrion on Patreon. Bean A, no hard R. I don't know. Matrion on Patreon. Obinna, no hard R. Obiner, like a beaner. Got it. Okay. Victim of a bad read. Sorry about that. Yeah, victim of a bad read. I'm gonna, yeah, it's a victim of a bad read. Then this kid put, he put two pictures of roosters and he wrote Aras Kampoyo. Drexler, nice. Then we got Chris, then we got I wanna show Johnny

that I'm tougher than a $2 steak, crazy style, okay. Pooj Viet, hope you're okay. Pooj Viet, I hope you're okay. Robert Ilamari, Justin Rappa, then we got treat the border like Joel Ostin's church after Harvey. Close it down. Close it down. Yeah. Yeah, that's on the list and that's a contender.

That's a contender because that was a name that had to be, that was a two-parter. You had to think it. Yeah. And that's the type of, that's when you know people are starting to get really played. Some guys are playing checkers on here. That kid was playing chess. Good job. Then we got backyard bar wars is back, baby

Matt Kelly meets Davis then we got Leroy with a laser my fumes have a sour flavor Put him on the list put on the list Donnie brosko, then we got my girl's ex is a Leroy. It's just what it is, cuz. OK, Drexler. William Rice, Joshua Oviedo. Then we got Smithtown Water wants a close boarder. Victim of a bad read and still good, going on the list.

Oh, wow. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah. Lins P. Oh, Lins P. Chrissy used my glue as conditioner cuz Samson. Drexler. Engelbert, Corey, Calvin Sleeble, Travis Caioberto, Peter DeRoz, Christopher Sarmantano, Caitlin, then we got Kamala Ding Dong,

Hannah Dillon, Avijani, oh, we got Avegni Kusnesnov. Oh, wow, we got a Russian spy on here. Rosie, Nicholas Shuri, David Owen, then we got Scratch and Sniff, my little David cheese on your knees, please Drexler, okay, buddy though. Yeah, I directs then we got Barack is a queen cuz he sucks on big Mike's peen ladder 14 I mean that's a ten I mean that's a 10. Get the catapult down. Yeah, kids on the list. He might be the contender now. Nice rhyme scheme.

Very funny. See, and then we got a tough one. This is a tough one to follow but it's a good name. That's going to be the winner. Who's going to beat that? I know. And this is a Drexler I already know right off the bat. We got Kipy's left nut. Which is a good one. Before one of the best in history but Kipy's left nut is great. Yeah, that's the definition of why you get Drexler. Yeah. Marcus Medrano, Stephen Cheatham, Roman Dehoyus, then we got the Menendez brothers are back.

Oren Kouj, Peter Curtis, Ashton Spann. Can you say, we have a very Hispanic fan base. Yes, we do. Yes, we do. Yeah, yes, we do. I love it. Riley did the right thing on the fifth. What does that mean?

Riley? Is that like a politician who, that's probably something we gotta know. I'm sure it's talking about November 5th, election day. Maybe their name is Riley. Maybe their name is Riley. Okay, yeah, yeah. Landon Burdice, Jennifer Sermonian, Rusty Scalaford.

God, I'm still thinking about that Obama one. It's a 10. Then we got Brian, my girl's Hindi, has no fumes, trust me cuzzy. Just a funny, funny Drexler, unfortunately, yeah, unfortunately it's just the wrong day for you. Then we got Anthony Garcia, then we got, how she smell, okay, dispatching a friend. You walked into one. I walked into one, I'm sorry, can't dispatch me. He's a friend of the show then we got Polish trash monkey Maddie with a fat dumpy wumpy

Megan Irvine then we got straight to the back Thomas Ocholec then we got learning how to box breathe from father bill Sometimes you know, it's father bills so played out but sometimes they get so inventive with it Yeah, I'm gonna throw him on the list, but I'm just you, you're not a contender, but you're on the list. You're on the list because Yanni's been talking about Box Breathing. Yeah, it's very funny. So we got Lisa Z, Cole Campbell. Then we got Backyard Barfumes with Chrissy D.

Yeah. Then we got Lord Trump. Then we got On Feet Finder Moving the Monkey. I think that kid was just saying what he was doing. Strong Drexler could have been on on the list, but Clark Denham. We all know who the winner is. Yeah, but we're gonna keep going. Wayne Martin, Scott Mitch, because you never know. You never know. Sometimes they come with an October surprise. An October surprise. Benjamin Worth, then we got Papas, Diddy, Stefano, Andrew. Wait, that's a good one. Papas, Diddy, Stefano. Okay, I know what he's going for. Wait, that's a good one. Papa's? Papa's Diddy Stefano.

Diddy. Okay, I know what he's going for. Yeah, that's good. Then we got Big Mike's glue gun. I mean, yeah, this fanbase looks like it's going to Big Mike. That's a chicken figure, yeah. Then we got Baby Swamp Ass. Sama Qasim.

Then we got Mel, not a big fan of Leroy's Gibson. Okay, can't say that. Can't say that with security. But he is saying it's Mel Gibson. Oh, he's saying- So he's saying Mel not a big fan of the Leroy's Gibson okay okay so chicken finger chicken but still not okay security getting us the back yeah not a whole bunch of confusing do that

yeah then we got and tootie here to get cracked open by the boys I think that's an RU garbage fan yeah Rebecca Romano screwed in Turk on notice no diddy Chrissy then we got Chrissy rubs his nipples then gets sad okay interesting Romano, screwed in Turk on notice, no diddy. Then we got Chrissy rubs his nipples, then gets sad. Interesting. Cameron Campbell. Someone's gotta have a camera in your house. Tim Dillon's Twink Harem. There's been a lot of variations of that.

Right. But it's good. It's a good one, so Drexler. Okay, Arik Volk, Luca Rossotti, Pedro Clavero, Shiver Me Timbers, Kevin Wayne, Lexi Hazen, then we got Robbie gets his rocks off. Hold on. Robbie gets his rocks off to the folks being mad at Tony D. Okay. Oh, sorry. No, Robbie gets his rocks off to the folks being mad at Donny T. Oh, okay.

Okay, sorry. The kid's a huge Donald Trump fan. That's what it is. Ryan King, Michael Trenor, James Morris, Kevin Key. Then we got I'll Come and See You in a Different Gay. It's a good one. It's a good one. Throwback.

It's Drexler, but a very good one. Okay. Then we got Kraken, Jesse the Ensole, Ed, Ed and Eddie, Mike, Yanni's old clonies. It's a good one. Good one. That's a good one. Drexler. Aaron Bailey, Merceri, Grayson Bell. Then we got Muzzy, who was married to their cuzzy wuzzy.

Drexler. Okay. Jose Maldonado, Israel Gaetan, Froggy and Fatty's Feel Good Emporium. This is screwed in. Yeah, it's screwed in. Go check it out wherever it is. Yeah. Then we got CJ Trickstar with a small character piece.

That's great. Drexler. Great. Scott Edwards, then we got Fishyumoye. Okay. GT, Evan Chotsko, Matt Curry, Tim Reyes, Brandon Powell, William Minnavar, Namin Jean, Demi Cameron, then we got Yanni, Yanni, this is a tough one, Yanni Sayouni

and Chris, it's with a chub, I'm sorry it's so many letters it's impossible to read. Cody Bail you Denise Hamilton. Then we got not another cooking show. John black voldo 89 poopy butt. Then we got Jack Manley's four year. Hey babe, Fumari AK Joe, the roses new lady boy for Rome. It's what it is. Okay. Nicholas, Dardy. Then we got Tristan, not a muzzy, maybe a cuzzy, definitely Leroy. Okay, he's a black kid. Chicken figure. Well, that's more of a Drex. Jimmy Gene, 69, then we got Chrissy Cuckmouth for Christ, 69. Okay. Okay.

Casey Watson, Jared Post, then we got ladder 14, new policy, not pulling Dems out of FI's if Donny T doesn't win. Right, right. Okay. That guy must have got on before the election. Yeah. Alex Schindler, Ian Gold, then we got Jeffy, make no mistake, my life's a fake, I'm trading in my snakes for a fishcake, Trump 2024. Okay, that was a lot of good rhymes.

Yeah. Michael DeGloia, Pete Schlotzky, James Flack, Landon, Edward Hernandez, Steven Carinello, California is a shithole girl. Um, We Free, Brendan Egan, Mark, Johnny Sullivan, Gil Clare, then we got AOC's Period Panties. Oh my God, it's gross, but yeah, I put them on eBay. Alright, great.

Then we got Na Mean with the Clean Smash Bean, Patrick Innis, Mikhail Yakub, GME. Okay, so we'll do these last group. Na Mean with Smash Bean, I like that. Mikhail Yakub, GME. We'll do these last group. No, I mean with Smash Bean. I like that. Drexler. Then we got G. Zenner Projects, LLC. Screwed in.

J.G., Andrews Nielsen, Andrew Dean, Deidre O'Neill, Honey Tune S, Tim Dillon's FF Twink. We get a lot of Tim Dillon's Twinks. David Gomez, Trash Lewis, Theresa Tandonati, Paul Malia, Certified Desert Trash, or Certified Desert Trash. Certified Desert Trash. Okay, so he's been saying about the stuff.

We know what they're saying about the Sandra Dee. Yep, yep, yep. SMM 5491, Deidre O'Neal, then we got JP from the OCTBG, that's Voting Red, it's what it is, okay, so we know who our fan base is. Nicholas Rodriguez, Geddy Lee, Foley Loaded Nachos, like Foley from, okay, Gabe Itch, then we got Susio Papicciulo, Jason from the C,

Oop Ivy, Chelsea Utsler, Katie A, Brian Maloney, Enrique, Calvin Combs, Winston Welch, JC Chavez. Okay, from NSYNC. I like that. JC Chavez. Maybe it's him. It could be. Full of fumes.

Then we got Madeline, Nick, Edison, Rosario, Brandon Nagel, Matt Aldrich, Tom Sev. Then we got Luke, butt chugging, okay, then we got Luke, butt chugging, Lakeside Maple, Yanni did 9-11. Then we got Mikey. Mikey, my nickname in high school definitely didn't mean vagina minge. Okay. Okay.

Obama's daddy, Juan Falco, one-fifth, Lucas Grimm, Kevin, Julian Falco, Sergeant Snuggles, tube Sock, Cock with the Glock, January 6, 2021. Good one. Tim Dillon's Tiny Twink, we've just had it. Gage Peters, Ollie Platts, Adrenal Crisis, JP, and then we have John Hartenstein is cracked open and cleaned out. Okay.

Okay. So we have... We were looking for an October surprise, we didn't get one. But we didn't get one October surprise. I'm just kind of looking through this list. We don't have... Yeah, we don't look, doesn't look like we have any October surprises here. So we're just gonna start with this list.

Yeah, give them an honorary read, but I mean, it's a definite for me. Okay, all right, we're gonna get it. Sometimes, you know, they're all different this much, it's a definite, yeah. It happens, okay, so let me just read them out, just because we need to read them out, but we do know who the winner is,

but we're gonna read them out, because, making a no mistake this list started off extremely strong so this is why you listen the whole way through cuz because sometimes the list start off weak and then they get strong as the show goes on you never know never know so we got cum bum make my cito penis sneeze then we got two funnies treat the border like Joel Austin's church after Harvey well I'm gonna call him a contender. A contender still? Okay Leroy with a laser my fumes have a sour flavor. See on any other day guys on any other day either one of you. Learning how to box breathe from Father Bill? On

any other day. Smithtown Water wants a closed border? That's contender. So the contender right now is treat the border like Joel Osteen's church after Harvey. Smithtown Water wants a closed border. And then last but not least, this is the final contender. Barack is a queen because he sucks on Big Mike's peen. Ladder 14. It's definitely the last one. That's the winner, folks.

You are the PPW. Congratulations. So we can get rid of those. Those are done. Guys, thank you so much. History Hyenas is back.com. Got everything up there. Patron.com slash History Hyenas, where you so much. History Hyenas is back.com. Got everything up there. Patron.com slash history hyenas, where

you have a bonus episode that's up there right now. Only way to get your name read out. And yeah, see us on the road. See us on the road. Yeah. Where are you going to be? I'll be in Portland this weekend, Friday and Saturday. I will be in Fort Worth, Texas, December 29, Dallas, December

30, Milwaukee, December 6th 7th Bridgeport Connecticut December 13th 14th Austin Texas December 20th through the 22nd and then dates in Rochester and Tempe and Chicago and Philadelphia all coming up in the New Year San Diego all that so go to YanisPappasComedy.com. Go see Yanni. And then I am in Madison, Wisconsin this weekend. I think shows are sold out. If you wanna get a couple scouts, go ahead and get it.

Then we have Phoenix, we'll be in Phoenix in December. Miami to close out the New Year, December 28th to the 31st. And then we have San Francisco Combs Comedy Club just announced all at chrisdcomedy.com. Gonna put out some more dates for the winter and then my Hulu special comes out February 21st. So go check it out.