History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - All yours with Craig Ferguson | History Hyenas

Episode Date: February 5, 2026

Former late-night host Craig Ferguson joins the Hyenas for a wide-ranging, hilarious, and surprisingly thoughtful conversation. Craig breaks down why he walked away from late-night television at the top of his game, what he didn’t like about the modern talk-show machine, and how freedom became more valuable than fame. Chris and Yanni also dive into Craig’s deep love of historical fiction, storytelling, and how history shapes comedy and culture. this episode is WILD. Support out sponsors: For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at https://Mengotomars.com Download the Ava app, and when you join using our promo code HYENAS, you’ll get 20% off your first year—monthly or annual, your choice. Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code HYENAS. https://bluechew.com Go to https://quince.com/HYENAS for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. #comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://store.historyhyenaspod.com Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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The morning will begin when passenger fisher is done celebrating. 19 plus Ontario only. Please play responsibly. Concerned by your gambling or that if someone close to you, call 1866-3-3-3-1-2-60 or visitcomex-xonterio.ca. Guys, we have an amazing episode today. You're going to enjoy it. We got the great Craig Ferguson. Yeah, I'm going to just a little caution because he looks amazing. You're going to want to make sure the balls are drained before you start this out.

And ladies, you know, I don't know, take your panties off, whatever. Whatever it is. I have a good time. He's a fun hang. We had a good time with him. You can catch me on the road. I added a show in Morris Plains, New Jersey on February 7th. That's this weekend, a 5 o'clock show.

Then we go to Bakersfield, California, February 20th and 24th. First, don't forget about our live history hyenas show, February 23rd at the comedy seller Village Underground. Get your tickets. History hyenas pod.com. Then catch me at Soul. Joel's night before the wedding. I'm doing a show.

That's what it is. March 6th in Potsdown, PA. And then I've, West Nyack. That date has been moved to April 24th through the 26th. And then Amas, Pennsylvania, the Amas Theater, May 2nd and more dates are going up. Yonis Pappas Comedy. com, patreon.com slash history hyenas for our weekly bonus episodes every week. We got new content. It's what it is. I will be in Las Vegas this Friday, February 6 at the MGM, the David Copperfield

Theater. And then I'm going to see the backstreet boards the next day. And it's going to get wild. And if you want to see me on gummies, then come find me in Las Vegas. Christycomedy. com. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas, Chrissy D. Yonnie P. And we got Craig F. If you don't mind. Greg EF because you wrote a book, you've got to do the middle initial. I've written a lot of books. Yeah. Well, I've read a lot.

I've read a lot of books. Yeah. Do you know, do you ever hear of Peter Cook? No. Peter Cook was a great British comedian and he was really, really funny guy. They used to do this thing called Derek and Clive. Look it up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Derek and Clive with Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, right? Can you swear in this? Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. Whatever you want. Well, he used to do this thing where Derek and Clive, you fucking can't. You know, I was you fucking can't. And Peter Cook,

was a kind of mentor to me. And whenever he used to say, whenever someone tells me they're writing a book, I always say, neither am I. You fucking can. Now look at Craig Ferguson. See, we were just talking about how he's a 60-year-old kid and looking at how good. The 63-year-old kid and look at how good he looks. We had John Stamos in here a month ago. And you guys just look great where we said people in the 70s who were 30 looked like we couldn't believe like Martin Luther King died at 30. And he looked like he was... To be honest, I mean, he kind of like... Yeah, it wasn't his choice.

Yeah, right. I thought like he got... No, no, no, no. It wasn't a lifestyle choice. It wasn't like, well, Martin, you should have laid him off the car. No, I mean. That's true. But I meant what he looked like, though, even if he did.

You know what I mean? I thought he was always my whole life. I thought he was in his 60s. Yeah. Well, people were more mature back then. Now we're living in a period of extended youth where nobody wants to grow up, so people look younger. Right. I mean, he's got an earring.

No, no, this is... I put the earring back in when I was 60. I took it out when I was 40 because I didn't want to be that guy. Yeah. And I was 60. I was like, well, I tell you what I actually happened with the earring. Because I was with my kids one night and I were talking, one of my youngest boy was like, I think I'll get my ear pierced.

And I'm like, oh, yeah, I was about your age when I pierced mine. And he said, do you think the earring would still go in? I went, I don't know. And so my wife gave me an earring and I just like, boom, straight in. And I thought, fuck it, I'll just keep it in. Yeah. But here's the thing. I don't know if the hole was still there or I'm just now so old.

My ears are spongy. And you could just like You can just put right It does look good The three piece suit with the earrings Just a nice touch I had three holes here Still in one here

Because I used to have three Me too You put them back in when you're 60 That's what I'm gonna do I'm gonna do I like that Yeah I like that

And look he's drinking out of our mug Yeah This coffee is banging by it Bangin I think the secret Of the success Of your podcast May be contained in this And that cause

Because I really feel like talking To you guys Like a lot Yeah Like I really want to talk to you Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's coffee with a little dose of fentanyl.

Oh, I don't feel sleepy. And you did makeup, but you know what? You don't need it. You look good. And our fans don't care. Well, we didn't make, I did makeup because I'm here as part of a shahabang. Oh, you're doing a whole bunch of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So they, they, they, maybe, and Annie who does the makeup. I really like Annie, so I get to hang with it. No, you're doing stuff all day today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the old days, you know, like they used to call it, like going into the car wash. You have a show coming out, which we should probably mention. And then you have to do all the shows. Sure.

It used to be Regis and Kathy Lee and all that. This is history for you. Yes, of course. And now it's the history hyenas with Chris Stefano and Janice Popper. You know, I like this show. I like history with it. Yes. You know, whenever I see news reports now, like journalists across the world,

I've got to stop using the word unprecedented. Yes. Stop that because everything is totally fucking precedent. Yeah. pick up a fucking book. You know, he's like, oh, this is unprecedented. No, it's not. Yeah. Here's what happened before.

Yeah, everything. I like what you guys are doing. Yeah, you know what? And you know what we've decided, too, is, you know, first of all, we were talking about join or die. I used to watch the- Oh, right, yeah. That one never quite go off the ground.

I feel like it could have gone. And, you know, Janus did a bit on it. I did a segment on that. Yeah, yeah. No, it didn't air. Oh, that, that's right. I was really mad. Yeah.

That's what killed that show. I'm like, I had to do, it was like man on the street and I was out there in the cold. And then my old manager who runs this floor lied and said that you said that it was too funny and you didn't want on the show. But I was like, that's not true. It's a funny manager. He's, I said to him. What it means is they didn't like it. Here's the thing I've learned about if you have a show that is your name on it and somebody is funny on that show, you get the credit.

I was like, it's too funny, that's not a thing. It's like Josh Robert Thompson that used to do the Jeff Peterson, the robot skeleton in my show. That's like, he's doing all that stuff. People go, Greg, I love that, Jeff Peterson. I'm like, yep. You, he takes credit. Hey, well, I'm a talented guy. And that's why I fired him as a manager.

Well, yeah. Because he would say things like that to me. And I was like, I know you're lying. Right. I know you're lying. They didn't hear it because it was shite. Shite. Shite.

That's why. Did you say that for me? I said it for you. What it is. Set it for you. Yes. How did you say unprecedented? Precedented?

Unprecedented. Precedented. I'm going to say precedented. Precedented. Precedented. Shite. Jobby's another one. If you want to go to.

Joby. Joby. Yeah. I like to go with cunt. Yeah, I like cunt. I like to tell my wife. I spend a week in the UK. And I'm just calling you cunt from now on.

Well, you know, the interesting thing about that word is that in the UK is not a big deal. I know. That's not. No, right. You call guys. You call guys. a lovely big cunt that guy. Yeah, yeah, no, it's interesting. It's not bad. It's like dude or like man, right? Yeah, yeah. A couple of cunts coming over? Maybe not dude.

I mean, you would... Right. Right. I mean, like, boy, he wouldn't say, all the young cunts. Right. Right. It wasn't like, all the young cunt. Doesn't have to say. Now, if you call blokes, cunts, what do you do with cunt? Do you call them cunt? Oh, there's too many cunts out. No, but real cunts. Yeah, what do you call an actual cunt? What are you mean a vagina? Right. Oh, a fanny. A fanny. A fanny. A fanny. A fanny. A fanny. That's why the term fanny pack Is it a pack above your vagina? Yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe I don't know, it's unprecedented, we're in an unprecedented area I can speak Scottish Yeah, we call them, we call them hot pockets Or we call them what, the devil's, the devil's Pagia? Yeah, I call it You call them what the devil's?

The devil's cave Cave? Yeah, I call them muffs. You call them muffs? I say muck. Well, I just remember I like Hot Pocket. I just remember there was a guy

that we grew up with who's called Mikey Muffs because he used to go down on women a lot and we used to call that a muff diver. Right, right. So I still say Muffs. You don't do that anymore? No, I think you... He's dead.

Oh, as you will. Lesson learned. Broke cancer. You could also call it a cis hole. Yeah, you could do that. Yeah, well, a new update. Here's Peter Cook. There's Peter Cook right there.

There's good. There's Pilate Peter. Oh, he was fantastic. What a good guy. Now, here's the truth, Craig. I think you were the funniest late night hoax. I actually do too. I think you were the best.

And Conan. I loved Conan. Those are my two guys. What was it like when you had to interview people that you like weren't boring? Like you had to do a lot of actors. We want to ask us Pete Davidson was a guest on Jimmy Fallon. What was it like a week ago? Yeah.

And then Pete, we thought he had a funny thing where he was asking Jimmy Fallon. He's like, how do you pretend to like like people? He was like, I don't know. He's not a podcast now. And he goes, you have a hard job. He goes like, it's hard to. pretend that you're into someone who's boring or, you know. Yeah, you know.

You always go with the check stuff. I feel like what it was with Late Night for me is I had no frame of reference, right? I didn't grow up watching it. I didn't really know about it. I never watched it before I did it. I didn't watch it when I was doing it. And I don't watch it now. So I kind of like slotted in to this world and I didn't really know anything about.

And as time went on, I mean, at first, it's a little tricky, to people, you're trying to feel a bit. As you go on, you think, I have to talk to this individual for five, ten minutes. Sometimes they're great. Most people are really nice. Yeah. And then every now and again, you get an asshole and you think, it doesn't matter. There's so much money you get paid. I know. That's what it is. I mean, I... Find a way, right? You can muscle through it. Oh, you bought a house. Figure it out. I know. I lay... Over the summer, you know, Jimmy Kimmel always has people guest host his show because he gets the summer off.

So I guest host it for like... Did you like doing it? For two days. Well, the thing is, I did it for two days. Right. And so I thought it was great at fun, but for two days, it's like, I'm doing my top material in the monologue. It's so I was like, oh, this is awesome. But then when I spoke to Jimmy, you know, Jimmy was like, it's amazing. You did great. It goes, but imagine having to do that day after day after day where then you've used up all your material. It's funny because I remember talking to Jimmy when, because I like Jimmy a lot. He's awesome. He really is. He's a lovely man. And he was on my show, I think maybe like the week I was leaving. And he was on and he was like, why are you going? And I was like, because, you know, we have a short time on this planet, man. It is a date, a hyphen and another date. Yeah. We're the hyphen. And I'm not going to spend my hyphen talking to fucking celebrities every fucking night. And he was like, no, no, it's like the Supreme Court. Once you're in, you stay in. I'm like, I don't know. So it sounds like maybe he's turning around.

Yeah, well, because Jimmy, well, he was just saying to me, like, the degree of difficulty, because I, I had such a newfound respect for the late night host because I, like I said, I did it for two days and it was like, oh my God, that was so much fun and great, but I couldn't imagine having to do a third day because I had already run out of material. You know what I mean? And then with the guess. Deer five kind of gets you. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And Jimmy, guys, like done it 20 years. You did, what, 10 years? 10 years.

I'm saying it's a crazy feat because with the guests, it's also. Like podcasting, we're just freeballing it, right? Which I, we are better at. The three of us seem like we're just good at that. Well, that's kind of how I did late night, though. See, because when I had to do it with Jimmy, they make you all the guests, the celebrities that got their PR people. You can only ask him or her this, this and this,

and they're going to go into that. And that was, I found that very challenging. Well, that's a thing. I think that's fairly recent. I mean, I came out in December 2014, right? That's when I stopped. and at that point a lot of people had been on before

so they know that they're safe the publicist saying you can only ask this this is only trying to protect their client basically get into some kind of clickbait area or something that what do you think about the ice shooting close up on his face I wanted to get somebody

wasn't from this country in here let me talk to you about Scrabble and I'll tell you that yeah yeah yes so next question Israel Palestine What do you think? Scrabble is very interesting. You know, to get a board game that's so beloved and put it on TV, it's not easy.

So let me ask you this. Do you, because everybody, you know, said, oh, late night is dead. Do you think there's a way, some way to bring it back late night? I don't know. I like, to be honest, I swear to God, I'm the worst person to ask about late night because I feel like I'm an anomaly. And in fact, it's unprecedented. I kind of just slipped in there and did it and left.

and it wasn't really like I was part of the legacy program or I didn't really even understand it when I started. And so it kind of does it exist in the form of, I don't know, everything changes. Doesn't it? There's so many podcasts and shit now. I don't know if it needs it. It doesn't need it. And I think if it keeps going, it's just nobody's going to make 20 million a year anymore. That just.

Well, then I ain't fucking do it. Yeah, you can make the money on the ponds now. Well, that, do you really, do make a lot of money? Yeah, you do. You're not 20 mil, but this is what we've kind of adopted in, uh, what you said you did. We're kind of like, we have our own little fan base. We haven't, we are, we're listening now. Look, just a hyphen and we got our fan.

And then we feel, even us, we feel like we can say no to really anything we want because we have our fans. And that's beautiful. We put the power in the hands of our fans and took it out of, we were, we don't rely on the industry anymore. If the industry is there and has an opportunity, we'll look into it. it. But we, I could say no to anything. You were offered Scrabble. 100%. Yeah, yeah. Dude, to be the host of Scrabble.

Let's talk about what you got coming up. We already did. It's all right. Look at, what a great look, right? Great hair for a, you know? It is a handsome. He's a handsome kid. Yeah. There's no way around that he's a handsome kid. Spungy ears, though. Got spongy ears. Yeah, but we all kind of have a little sponge up there. I mean, did you watch the Grammys last night? No, right? We don't watch it either. We're just not a part of it. You know, I tell you, I'll tell you a story for the Grammys.

So once I was at the Grammys, and I was presenting an award or something to Katie Perry. Eyes up here. Right, one of us. But I wasn't giving her the war. I had to introduce her for it. She wasn't on the stage. But you walk out on stage at the Grammys,

and it's like everybody, there's all these rock stars everywhere. And I was walking out. Now, I used to do this dumb joke on the show, on the old late night show, where I would show a picture of, I would say, do we have a picture of Paul McCartney, and I'd show a picture of Angeline Lansbury, right? It's a stupid joke.

It was a stupid fucking joke, and it doesn't matter, and I just, I forgot about it really. But we used to do it a lot. It was like a running bit. And then I'd go out to present the Grammys and right in the front row as I walk out, looking at me, fucking Paul McCartney.

Or could it be Nigel of Lenton. They don't know, right? They do kind of look a lot. Right, right. kind of look alike. Right. So he's looking at me, but he has that look in his face.

Like, I was like, oh, fuck, Paul McCarney has a TV. Yeah. And he's seen this shit. Yeah. Right.

So I was like, oh, no, I feel bad. Like, there's not that many Beatles left and one of them fucking hates me. Yeah. And then,

and I was like, oh, my, so I tried to, I never interacted with the man at all. And I tried to tell myself, well, he's probably an asshole or something.

Yeah, yeah. So years later, I'm in a hotel in an elevator with my youngest son. And the doors open, fucking Paul McCartney gets in.

And I'm like, oh, no, oh no. And he come in and he sees my son and he's like, hey, you know, you're doing, lads, all that. And he was really, he was great to him. He was lovely. He was such a nice guy. And I had to live with the fact

that Paul McCartney is a god and I did a bad thing. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think he definitely saw it and doesn't like you? Either that or Angela Lensprey. I'm not sure.

Yeah, I think, look, would he get mad at it? I don't know. Did you do a bad thing or did you notice something that just happens to be kind of true? I mean, I'm looking at Angela Lensberry right now. And it's just like if Paul McCartney did his own Mrs. Dalfire movie, that would be it. I mean, she's got his face and he has her face. Like you guys are walking down Beatle hate Street, right?

They're going to hate you for this. I mean, listen, I'm a John guy. But again, going back to, going back to the way the world's change, it's kind of, it's irrelevant. If the Beatles hate us or not because our fans don't give a shit. let's find out let's fucking find out your loyal fans are like hang on a minute

no we've the Liverpool fun base for this show was fucking heading out we should be calling him sir Paul McCartney we should be called sir yeah that's true

I mean he's a giant of the entertainment right you know I regret now as a Scott do you guys still hate the British what's the deal I don't what's the dynamic the Scots and the English

the area The English, sorry. Right. So there's the English and the Irish, I'm sure you're familiar with, the Scores and the Welsh. And the geographical area is called the British Isles. Right. Right.

But Ireland's got its own thing going on. A little bit of untidiness up at the top there for a couple of years. Yeah. Maybe a couple hundred. And Scotland, England, and Wales, the United Kingdom. Right. So some of them get along, some of them doing. I don't know.

It's kind of like, it's a really divisive kind of thing. people like being part of the United Kingdom, and some people don't. Right, right, yeah. I mean, you just got to go watch a Braveheart movie and kind of figure it out for yourself. Well, I feel like that might not be my number one history tip. Right. Okay, well, on the history, we do more herstery because women don't stick to the facts. That's why we like to call it Hurstery.

Yeah. Yes. You guys really don't give a shit. No, we don't. No, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, no, but yeah, because I love, I love history. I love American history so much.

And you like Joyner Die, I would assume you're a revolutionary warfare because join or die is the Ben Franklin. When people say it's never been this bad, and I'm like, you know, when Aaron Burr was on trial for treason and murder, at the same time, and he was vice president of the United States, that's pretty bad. That's pretty bad. When Teddy Roosevelt was drinking a gallon of coffee a day. Yeah. You know, that's too much coffee. Yeah, that's probably... Well, now they say it's good for you.

Now they say it's making three to five cups you can do. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I could have... Yeah, I could have... Yeah, and you're drinking it black.

Yeah. Yeah. What do you think this time right now is most like from history? If you had to look back and think of a time, what does this kind of time remind you of? I mean, we've obviously, as an American Empire, we've gone from the production. to the consumption to the dysfunction phase. Do you think... No, I don't see it like that.

No, okay, yeah. I think it's like maybe the runabout the invention of the printing press, which leads to, you know, people learning how to read, which leads to a decimation of information, which leads to the Enlightenment, which leads eventually to the United States, right? So I think I would look at it. There's a sea change in how information,

is delivered. Like, you know, the idea of, you know, you've heard it called the post-truth environment where, you know, you can pretty much, like, you guys say whatever you fucking want. Yeah. And if somebody says, that's not true, you go, yeah, it is.

Or fake news. Or, you know, it's hard to get very similitude in your media. And I think that is a similar effect that happened when the print and press was invented and the peasants learned how read. Yeah.

Yeah. It's true. Yeah. So you're saying the lower people, the poorer people are now empowered, and so it's a little chaotic. Or is that a bad... That's not entirely what I'm saying. What I'm saying is... So you're saying you hate women's free.

No, no, that's not what I'm saying. So you're saying the proletariat's got to be put back in their cage. I think what I'm saying is... A kid, I kid. I think what I'm saying is the... Truth is... Reality is a suggestion. Well, kind of.

It's difficult. It's one of our sayings. It's difficult to find out, but history has that. Sure. You know, the idea of you look at history, it's hard to get a vibe for it. Like, the time in history, because some of it seems so unreachable. But I would recommend to you. Did you ever read the historical fiction of Gore Vidal?

No. Do that. That's his best work. Now, Gorvidal kind of tarnished his reputation a little bit because of these spats with Truman Capote and all that. But actually, his historical fiction work, he wrote a great biography of Aaron Burr, which is amazing. He also wrote a book called Creation, which is about the wars between Persia and Greece. I know that might be still touchy around here. He's Greek.

Yeah. No, we're four of them now. I mean, we're, you know. Right. It's a different time. Yeah, we have a common, we had a comment. He hates the Turks. Well, you know.

Tradition. All yours. Anyway, look. But here's the thing. The, the, uh, what he did with that is great. I love that. I'm going to use that. Yeah.

The name of this episode is going to be all yours. All yours. Yeah. When someone does, like, you don't want any part of it. Just all yours. All yours. Right back at. Yeah.

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Now go get yourself. Good credit. Because they're helping people. That's why you're emotional. Yeah. But what Gore Vidal does is he takes real events in history and he puts fictitious people in, which is not unprecedented in historical fiction. But he does it very well.

And I would urge you if you're interested in that. kind of thing. American history, there are seven books called The Narratives of Empire by Gore Vidal. And he goes from Burr all the way up to, I think it's Watergate. Different books all the way on. And it's fascinating. He ties them together and all with fake people in the actual history. Some fake people, but some real people. And, you know, in the kind of, you know, when the Trump-Elon Musk thing was happening. I was like, you know, Teddy Roosevelt and Randolph Hearst, you know, it's a kind of. Similar.

It's that thing that was attributed to Mark Twain, that history doesn't repeat itself, but it rhymes, right? Yeah, well, even during the pandemic, whenever the whole vaccine craze, it's like you go back and that was a problem with Benjamin Franklin's time, with the immaculation and George Washington was foreign and others were against it. It was the same type of divide when you go back and read the media from that day. they're talking about anti-inoculators and it's just, it's similar concept. Right. During the polio, but during the polio time and the masks and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's the same. Like those big plague masks.

Yeah. Like they had to, Shakespeare was shut down for like three years or two years during the plague in London. Yeah. Which is, you know, if you're ready for a bit of midsummer night's dream and you can't get it. Did you hear this new conspiracy that they, oh, I don't know if it's new, I've just heard about it. They believe now Shakespeare was a, I, I, I, I, I. black Jewish woman. Did you see that? Well, is that a new Disney pick?

Yeah, that's it. Shakespeare, they're saying all yours. All yours. All yours. No fucking part of that. Was it fact the black black? Yeah, but it's, I, that's why I love, you know, I like, I really get into like David McCullough's, the 1776 and the American Revolution

because I heard this, you know, where somebody said, oh, history doesn't repeat itself, people do. And then you read about the people during those times, you're like, oh, they have the same wants and needs, same shit going on. That's what Gorfidel's really good as making it human, making it identifiable. Like, you know, you know, there's a, there's a great, you know that I'm sure you've read Plato, right? Yeah. Sure. All right. So when he's talking about the death of Socrates, right? And that's, that scene, is it in Republic? I think it's in Republic. They're all in that room. And Socrates is about

to drink the hemlock and everybody's really sad and Socrates is like, no, it's cool. It's okay, yeah. It's so moving, you know. And you think this is, this is interesting to me that when you attach the emotion to history, it becomes far more

visceral. And I think that's why I like what you're doing. You're demystifying it. You know, it's like, it's not, yeah, it's not the reserve of stuffy academics. It belongs to all of them. And I think you have to humanize like you said, like, you know, you look at, I was reading something, I forgot about the French Revolution, when that happened, when they, you know, basically, you know, were eventually cut off the king and queen's head.

They, that was the top aristocratic society at the time. It was like living in present day New York City. You would, we would never think one day we're going to cut off the governor's head. But then they did that. So, but at though, but the people living at that time thought that the barbaric humans, they thought, though those people lived hundreds of years ago. We're not like that anymore. And then boom, you're like that. Yeah. So the point is, is us living now think we would never do anything like that again. It's like, no, yes, you actually would. There's a thing that Trotsky said. I'm not a fan. I'm going to cut my dick off.

You know who did that? Origin of Alexandria. Look, that guy. It's a very interesting guy. Trans? No. But it was a, it's an interest in, there's some debate of whether he did it or didn't do it. Got it.

Did he cut the penis or the balls off? Like the whole thing? He, was he made himself a eunuch? Yeah. You know, there are some things that are very hard to prove. It was no scribe there to capture it. Yeah. Well, a lot of his writing didn't survive.

Right. So, I don't know. We don't know. Right. We don't know. I don't know if he did it at all. Right. Because towards the end of his life, he said, you know who he was, right?

Do you? No. Well, okay. So origin of Alexandria was the, he was an early Christian theologian, pre-churched Christian, so pre-Roman Christian. And he was the first guy to... Are they cops? Are those the Coptics?

Sure. Yeah. No, they're not, no, I don't think he was cop, but he was like when you said, were they cops? I was like, is that that thing? Like if you're a cop, you have to tell him, you're a cop? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, not true. Anyway, look. Here he is right here, yeah.

Yeah, Origin of Alexander, yeah. He could count it, Jesse. He was the guy that started the idea of the allegorical interpretation of scripture, which was kind of a pagan idea. He got into a lot of trouble after he died with the Catholic Church. I think he was excommunicated a couple hundred years after he died, which, you know, is a real career downer if you were saying. Yeah, yeah. That kind of sucks.

Yeah, that's like going from late night to a podcast. It ain't fun. Yeah, it's got to be done. Times change. Yeah. Do you think there's any parallels to like ancient Greece, like post-Pericles, like, post-Pericles, like how debate became so, you know, common? And that's when Socrates kind of was coming in.

was killed by the mob. Socrates was killed by democracy. But there was so many sophists around going, like, listen to me speak. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, now we have that with like... Democracy was a dangerous idea during Socrates' time. It still is a dangerous idea. It's just like Churchill said, it's a terrible idea, but it's the best one we've got. Right, right.

Well, the internet kind of democratized truth in a way. And that's why I think it's similar to what we were talking about, the printing press. Like you were saying the proletariat needs to be put back in their case. No, I did not say that again. All you. All you. I did not say that. I mean, I know it will once we get this edited, but what I'm saying is, yeah.

That was all mine. That was all mine. Yeah. It's fine. Anyway, what I think is that it is an echo of that time. It's a big change in human society. But I don't think, I mean, I don't buy any of that AI shit around like that. That, I think, is just horses shit.

That's just completely. What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, AI is going to take over the world. You don't think so. No, no. No, I fucking don't. And I'll tell you why.

Because I ordered Chinese food last night on Uber Eats and the Uber Eats app, which is pretty fucking good, fucked it up. Yeah. It can't deliver Chinese food in New York City. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good point. We're not, it's a good point. We're not. We'll never see it. We're not going to see it. Yeah. That's a good point. If you can't do that now. But, you know, maybe they'll improve. Yeah, they keep saying that.

Yeah. They're proving so fast. And I'm like, is it, though? Yeah. Because, you know, what's changed in social media since, what, 2005, 2010? Well, now you could totally watch a video and it looks realistic of like. Does it look realistic? Yeah.

Well, I could, yeah, but I still, I agree with, you know, him and I, we talk about how, like, AI taking over there was talk about AI movies and actors and actors. And I don't, I know for me and people, most people, my age, I'm not going to want to see Brad Pitt as a, AI. I want to see him as human being. Oh, you do? I personally do. Well, you know what? Let me take it back. I feel I feel more comfortable masturbating to him in the human rights, AI, I feel like my father would be broader. Right, exactly. I think that the idea of, that's why I like, and all the way through it when I was doing the Drew Carey show, when I was doing late night, all the time, I always go out, do at least a few comedy clubs a year, at least a few theaters a year,

because there ain't a fucking robot. And I had one in late night. There ain't fucking robot that's doing the chuckle hunt in Alabama. He's not fucking happening. Hey, hi, how are you still? Yeah, never. I agree with that. Figure out. So there is life. Yeah. And I think, I actually think right now, there's a, I've noticed this a couple of times. I don't know if it's just wishful thinking, but in coffee shops, younger people

reading books. Yeah. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Yeah. And I feel like there's a little bit of a rejection of the imposition of technology. The cool thing for the youth to do now, like I, like, have a 15-year-old stepson. The cool thing for these kids to do is they're not on social media or if they are. They don't follow anybody and they're followed by no one. So the cool thing to do is to reject the technology. Fight the power.

That's what they're doing. I love it. Because and I think I think what's happened is like, you know, I'm 41. So I got. You look great. Thank you. Thank you. You do look good.

Yeah. You know, because you look great. I appreciate that. He's got a little bit of, what is you? What am I? Yeah. Age-wise? Yeah.

50. And that's accurate because, well, but are you actually 51? You didn't say I look great after that. That's because I was going, no. Because you look so great. Yeah. Thank you. This is like the view. Yeah.

I'm whoopey goldberg. No, let's make it really like the view. What? Trump is fucking an animal. Yeah. Now it's the view. Now it's the view. Who's going to clean your toilet, Donald Trump?

Yeah. The view was funny. I had, when I was hosting that Jimmy Kill. show, you know, it's ABC, so that put me on a big press run, and the View said no. And I said to the PR, I said, why did they say no? He goes, well, they Googled your podcast. And they said no. I was like, okay, sorry.

Whoops. Yeah. That was like my whole, hey, Paul McCartney, will you be with my podcast? Yeah. No, no, no, no. Angela Lansbury, not available, but if she was. Yeah, yeah. Whoopi Goldberg, though, it's cool.

I met her once. I did some thing. I love her. Yeah, I did some thing like with some charity show when she was on it. And then, you know, I had a relative, I guess a good enough set. And she came up to me, she was like, oh, that was really great stuff. She was like, you can never be on the view. She just said that.

I was like, yeah. You know, first time I was on the view, it was when Barbara Walters was still. Wow. My hall pass, RIP. Barbara Walters. Barbara Walters, I had said when she was Barbara Bush. Barbara Bush, well, Barbara Bush or Barbara Walters. Or just any of the barbers.

Any of the barbers, yeah. Barbarossa. Barbarossa. Barbar Rosa. Barbar Rosa. Yeah. But Barbara Barbara Walters was my

was my number one. All right, P, babe. But go ahead, yes, Barbara Walters. Barbara Walters was on the view. That was, that was... That was, she started it. Yeah, she started it. Yeah, yeah.

And look, she was kind of a piece. She was a piece. I'm telling you she was a piece. We say it on this show. On the show, hot, the audience. Or we say... Again, let me just... Yeah, okay.

But here's a good one. You gave us, you can take it, we'll give you one. We call beautiful women for Rome. She's for Rome. And meaning she's so... beautiful that in Roman times we would like if I was an emperor we would have to take her I'd have to take for the harem that's what used to happen back in Roman times that sounds to me like a remarkable amount of respect gentlemen let's have it well done well you turned me around yes but what about

the historical accuracy of that well it depends I mean yes of course right but let's look at the other let's look at the wars between Persia and Greece yeah Darius the great invade in Persia. Darius the Great, you can tell by his name, he thinks quite highly of it. Yeah. Google his wife. Lettossa.

Let's take a peek atosa. Let's Google Latosa. Oh, Otosa. Darius de Great's wife, Jesse's in a champion scholar. Darius the great wife. Atossa. Otosa, there it is. Now, it's not a great photograph over

because it was a long time ago. Yeah, her face looks like it's made of stone. But there you go, go up there. Now, this woman. Looks like a beard to me. He's a gay kid. This woman. woman was

astonishing gorgeous great well not just gorgeous like powerful clever manipulated darius and her son Xerces as well

oh Zercy yeah yeah she was I know him from the movie 300 yeah yeah now you would learn about her in the book creation by Gora Vidal I got to recreate

oh we got to read more Gore Vidal we do I mean it's very accessible very cool stuff you'll enjoy it yeah Persian It's a great culture, great empire.

Modern day Iran. I mean, a lot of people don't know. Cyrus was like the first, one of the first leaders, rulers, whatever you want to call, to really respect human rights. And he got to. Yeah, really, I don't. Yeah, he was one of the first. And yeah, they were a great civilization.

And the golden age of Islam, right? A lot of people don't know most of those intellectuals were Persian. Yeah. I got nothing. Yeah. There you go. Nothing. Yeah.

That's all. But you can Google it later. Yeah, I'll do it. I just don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of, like, I feel like I have reached the point in my life, and I'm very comfortable with this, that I can say, I don't know. Me too.

Oh, yeah. It's such a good feeling. Fuck, it's great. Yeah, man. You go through your 20s and you pretend to know and, like, your ego. Do you feel like you've had any sort of ego death? Like, how do you enjoy the back? The back nine.

Well, I got sober a long time ago. That's a little bit of an ego. You miss it a little bit? Yeah. Did I miss it? Yeah, because the earring says you still have a few. Was that? The earrings suggests you might thought.

Just a pint here and there. No, I don't miss that. I don't miss the craziness. No, I don't actually. I did for a bet. I'm not going to lie at you, but it's been 34 years. Zero sips. And no weed or anything, you can't do anything.

Nothing. You're sober every day. Yeah. That's great, right? Yeah. Just feel good. Well, given the alternative, yes. Yes.

But it doesn't work for me I mean for some people I have a beer, it's fine For you, you know one will lead to jail. Jail. Yeah, yeah. You know what? You know what?

I'm fucking coming over there after you. You know what? 41? I can still fucking happen. He has one beer no more of this. Let's get into it. I love that idea. I love what you're saying.

Yeah. Yeah, dude. It's crazy. I remember one time I was with Colin Quinn. We were in Ireland together and he's been sober, you know, 40-plus years. Long time. And we were in this bar in Ireland, because we were on like a tour,

and they had shown us that this bar is where you two used to hang out, whatever. And we're in there. That's pretty much every bar. Yeah, I know. And then he goes, and then he goes, Chris, he goes, take a walk with me. So we'll start walking. I'm just, you know, him and I were there for a festival. And then we get out of block away, and he takes

a big, deep breath, and he goes, he goes, that was the closest I've come in 40 years. I said, what happened? He goes, something about that bar. He goes, I saw the grilled cheese the cheese sandwiches. I saw the guys in the hats. It reminded me of Brooklyn, of being the back home. He goes, a certain scent came over and I said,

if I don't get out of here, I'll be dead in six months. And he was like so. And it was amazing to me because I thought, guys, you get to a point where it's like, it's not even a party anymore. He goes, no, every single day, I still think don't have a drink. It's always a party. Yeah. But I don't, it doesn't call to me like that.

I mean, every now and again, I think, you know what, I'm going to get a fuck out of here. But, and that sounds like a bit like that. Every night and again, I think, yeah, this is... Maybe I should go. Yeah. Yeah. It really, it sinks its claws into some people. Yeah, it does. I'm one of them. Now, when Colin Quinn said that, did you understand him the first time?

No. You had to repeat it to second. First day was like, fuck on, grilled cheese sandwiches, fucking... And you're like, can you wait, come again? Yeah, he's... Well, he's friends. We're friends with them. All right. Yeah, yeah, we're friends with him.

All right, well, I mean... Yeah. So... Craig's got a big freaking day today. Yeah, yeah. Who's the next... What other press are you doing today? Do you know the sketch?

I'm going to Dan Soder's podcast. The best, Danny's the best. Great guy in his apartment. Dan Soter is the best. I don't know. That's where he does it. In his apartment? Yeah, he's hope, yeah.

So I'm going to Dan Soder's. You're going to Dan Soder's apartment. This is the fall from late night. Yeah. My God. Yeah. And he gets more views than us. Yeah.

This is even worse. Are you doing Pete Davidson's garage? Yeah. I mean, did you know? Who would have thought that entertainment will come? So after this, I'm going to dance. Sauter's house to record, then Pete Davidson's garage. Yeah.

I did a show for Sirius in my shed in my house in Los Angeles for like two years. Yeah. But the problem I had with it, and this is why you're smart to use the studio, is like, after about a month, I was like, I haven't left the fucking house. Yeah, that's in about a month. That's why I won't have an office or anything in the house. I have to leave. Yeah, because I was like walking around, sweatpants, groveling and stuff like that.

It fucks you creativity. The problem with me, I don't mind being in the house. The problem is the wife's in the house. And the kids. Yeah, but the wife is the one that's right. Yeah. Otherwise, I'd be fine being home, but the wife is, if I could find a way to get her out of the house, then I feel like, when she's not out of the house, when she's not home, I actually feel like I'm out of the house. Are you still married to her?

Yeah, I was still married to her. And does she watch this? No, thank God. We thought she did it. And then we found out in a big way she did about two weeks ago. Yeah, we started going off. We started looking at female tennis stars and getting naked and then we just got a little bit of trouble. No, I love my wife.

I'm joking. Yeah. I love me. Yeah, I love me. We got two kids. I love her to dad. Yeah, she's great. I love her. Wow.

You went from badass to whooped in a fucking like 30. Are you married same woman, whole career, everything? No, he's three. Well, let's not get ahead of her. I haven't been married to the same woman for 20 years. He went to the, 20 years is good. Craig did the old hat trick. Yeah, yeah.

He did the old hat. We went for three. Oh, three ones. Oh, it's like my pops. Well, first one, I was 21. Doesn't even count. That doesn't count. No kids.

Too young. Oh, no kids doesn't count. No, that's like, and in those days it was like, who gets the CD? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were probably drinking at that point, so you didn't even remember.

It's like, you know me. Yeah. You're like, we're married? When did that happen? Yeah. Was you, you there? No, seriously. Anyway, and then the second one,

yeah, that's what it was. Was that when you got sober, second one? Oh, it was well after, yeah. Oh, okay, so then you probably went a little too serious with the second one. You know, maybe? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that conversation, that the wife did. the ex-wife got tissue. He's like, I'm never going to be a tosa. Stop telling me to act like a tosa. Not entirely different.

Yeah. You know, it's great about Craig. But now, the third one, three times a chance. You know what the thing about Craig? Great thing about Craig, you can tell right away. First of all, he's a comedian, so you love him right away. But he's a kid in a nice suit, handsome kid. But the kid is tatted up and he has an earring.

So he's got business and party in his personal. Yeah, it's what it is. I'm like a walking fucking mullet. Yeah. You see the tattoos come out. You see everything. There's two sides. There's two sides of Greg Ferguson.

You'd be a better guy. You need to live in New York. I do know. Oh, you're here for them. I moved. Oh, okay, I thought you were still on the West Coast. You didn't even take a glance at the Wikipedia. No, no, no. What do you mean?

What is it says? The way of New York. You know, I used to say my Wikipedia place, I played the harp as well. You don't play the harp. See? Yeah, yeah. Wow, you live in the city. Yeah.

How can you come down to the comedy cellar? Well, I did want, I've been a whale law. I've been working a lot. And I did go down to the cellar maybe for the first time I'd ever been in there. And I went up and did a – I loved it. Yeah, it's a great. That's a great. This is great, too, the stand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard about that. I talked to the gentleman outside who – Who was heavy breathing, yeah, Chris, yes. Yeah. Is that your old manager? He's my old manager. He's my old manager.

He liked to me, and he said, he said you were too funny, and I shouldn't go anywhere. That's what he said. Yeah. When you leave, can you go tell him that that's – didn't happen because it'll just show you maybe you go maybe you shouldn't no no don't do that because then he's going to get stressed out he's going to continue to eat and we're trying to get not to eat we got a Mozeptic

no I understand that yeah we got a yeah he's putting it in the wrong spot yeah I'm rock hard right now yeah I want to see a rock hard cock cause you want to have a sore fight yeah let's do cause and I know Blue Chew works because I had Nick take it last week and he would send me pictures of his big Guatemalan

cock yeah wait till we do the fucking Nick dating game I can't wait oh yeah dude the Nick dating game is going to be Unreal. We're going to get sponsored by Blue Choo. And here's the thing with the Nick dating game. It's open to guys and girls. Because Blue Choo is turning bedroom performance into an Olympic sport. Go for gold. Yeah, you want to go for that golden fucking cock. It's awesome. Forget Netflix and chill. This is Netflix and Phil. I'm going to fill up my cock. I'm going to fill up your ass, sir.

Because gay guys like Blue Choo as well. Because what it does is it gets you hard. So it's great. That's what they do. They get you hard and you want to make sure that you're hard if you want to impress whoever you try to bang. It's what it is. Because I'll tell you what, though, sitting with Craig Ferguson, I did not need a bluechew. I was bricked up. Yeah, because you told me you're very close to telling me that you're fucking gay guy. Yeah, it's just what it is.

And on the Patreon, we're going to talk about it. Maybe you should get off the microdose because it's opening you up to the truth of you be the gay man. The truth is, yeah, I've gotten a little space and I'd like to fill in that space with a man's hair he has. Now, here's the thing with Blue Chew. We got a special deal for the listeners. You're going to get 10% off your first month of Blue Chew Gold with Code Hyenas. That's promo code hyenas. Visit BluChu.com for more details and important safety information.

And we thank Blue Chew for not only sponsoring the podcast, but also sponsoring our pieces. Absolutely. Because this is, I ordered, you know, I ordered from Quince, again, two days ago. I ordered like five things. I did, and my wife did. No, no lie. Uh, true that. What did the kids say?

True that. No cap. No cap. Me and my wife. We've been ordering off Prince using our promo code. Quince. Not Prince. Did I say Prince?

You said Prince because you're Sunday. Quince. You know what? Also too, my wife been getting the sheets. She got all the bedding and all that. Like she got brand new sheets. It's amazing. Like, you know, they're able to keep the prices low because they cut out the middle.

Yeah. That's what it is. So you just basically it's like you're getting what it should cost. Yes. But everything, it's like a house. Like the houses don't cost what we pay for them. It's just all. marked up.

Yeah, that's right. Same with Quince. They give you, it's the price of the item. Yeah. So it shouldn't be a shocker that a sweater's $30. That's what it's supposed to be. And it's high quality. Yeah.

So this is basically high quality for everybody. It's very affordable. I only go to Quince to do all my clothes and linen shopping. Yeah, I do one other company and Quince. And I'm not even lying. I'm not going to say it because we're doing their ad read, but I do quints. And you could also, she also got plates like a kitchen wear. Ooh, nice.

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where I've been running a lot right now. But I gained weight really fast. I was talking to a friend of mine who had lost a lot of weight, and I was heavy at the time. It was like two years ago, I had made a stand-up special, and I was in the edit room,

and I was like, what the fuck? You know when you see yourself and go, oh my god what happened so I thought I better get and then I was talking to my friend who was on his epic and he said he said the great thing is you know you're not hungry

I'm not eat because I'm hungry I eat because I'm sad yes I need something to cheer me up yes it's like it's true it's like I haven't eaten since I was hungry since I've been 1975 yeah yeah it's not about Did you ever try or you ever try any of these things?

No I'd be the one who's spleen exploded or something yeah no I don't I don't have any luck in that. That is true. I mean, you don't, there is a point where you're, like, you get enough. Your body has enough nutrient and then the rest of it is emotional. Emotional. It's just emotional.

There's like a line. I hope AI can do that maybe is tell you when, like there's a buzzer that goes up and go, stop. Right. Like now you're doing it because you're sad. And you're just going to throw your phone across. Yeah. You've already. Yeah.

There's this app called Zoe. It's like this, you know, it's all about mindful eating. They say people get fat and I notice too when my nipples start to get puffy. It's when I'm just eating and not thinking. If I'm texting and eating. Man, you are an unfiltered motherfucker. When my nipples get puffy? That's what happens when I start to get a little nip-puff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got one weird titty. I got a weird titty. It's like a look at it. Okay. But with the nipples. Have you had a doctor look at that? Because that could be a sign of.

Gino. Well, no. A gyno coltium cholera. No, the gyno chastia. But no, since I've been a little kid, I've just had puffy nips. Yeah. All right. But so.

Also a disgraced rapper. Right. Yeah, yeah. In the 90s, but then, who knew? Yeah, yeah. So, but they said that it's because if you're mindful, if you say, you know, you eat your food, slow it down, you'll eat way less, but a lot of times

are just eating and talking and doing something else. Right, I'm very guilty of that. Me too. Yeah. Yeah. Well, look at this. We kept you here double the time. Did you ever have P. Diddy on the show?

I can't remember. Yeah. Of course. Why the hell not? Any vibes? I can remember. You know, let me tell you about. that show. There was once you ever see that documentary about

Leonard Nimoy becoming Spock? It's a beautiful documentary made by his son. It's beautiful. And it's just a beautiful documentary about a very interesting man. And I watched it with my wife and after I said, God, what an amazing character he was. I wish I'd

had him on the late night show and he was on 20. It becomes a blur a little bit, right? Yeah. So some people you just, more memorable another. It's not a It's not a

It's just It's just fucking traffic Yeah Every day You're for years You know Next week You guys aren't gonna

Fucking remember me Dude off course But was there Was there every time You were sitting there And someone was talking You just heard Kaching

Kaching Like You were just thinking About the money Going like Kaching Kach I don't think

I have I don't think So much No I don't I honestly don't think that I'd like to be cool

And say that Was that I actually Really enjoyed That job You look like You look like You're

I don't You and Conan were my favorites, and maybe it's because it was the passion first. I think also too... Conan loved doing it as well. I was on Conan's show a lot before I was, you know, doing a late-night show and then. Also a little bit, too, I mean, they're both great. They were both obviously great, but also the time slots probably allowed for a little bit more. Yeah, this is a nice spelling by Jesse, Ferguson, F-U-R-G-I-S-O-N.

Oh, yeah, not nice. Jesse, Jesse, do you know, there was a birthday party for? me, when I first started late night, there was a birthday party for me in Hollywood, right? And they brought out this cake. I don't even doing the show, like, I don't know, six months or something. And they brought out this cake and said, happy birthday,

Crane Kilbourne. I'm like, oh my God. Crain Kilbourne. Yeah, that should be your pseudonym. Craig. Craig. Clemourne Kilbourne. Crane Kilbourne. What's he up to?

Kilbourne? Yeah. Probably a pot. Everybody's doing a pond. Everybody's doing a damn pot. I like that. This is cool. Right? You can't just tail in the cut? A little bit more of a black comedy show now.

You know when you got crane on your show? Yeah. I don't know if you're aware, but there's tons of clips that go around of you from that show on, like, TikTok and, you know, the short form just with female guests. You're always great with feet. Like, you were so comfortable with them. And like, there's only... It's all positive. Yeah, it's like...

You know, the interesting thing about that is, because I've heard about that before, and the thing is, what I'm sad about is nobody gets the stuff that I was doing with a male guest. Yeah. Some of the shit that we were doing. Look, it's, yeah, there's tons of it. They're all flirting with that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, eh. That's maybe not quite how I remember it. But the... But that kind of thing is like, I remember with Hugh Lorry and with

Isaac Mizrahi and with John Waters and we would do some crazy shit. Yeah. Well, there's those two, but for some reason. But that's no, well, you're interested in. That's not what I'm interested in. Right. No, no, no. I've seen those two and those are good. But yeah, I think the internet just found some interest in this. Do you miss it at all now? I know you left on your own terms of 2014, but do you ever go back to those are the best years of my life? Or how do

how do you think about it? No, I don't do that. I feel like I'm very proud of that show and I'm very glad I did it. I'm glad I don't have to do it anymore. It was a moment and I loved it. And when I left, I was fucking done. Yeah. And I remain, I am enough fucking done to stay fucking done. Right, right.

I don't resent it. I don't regret it. Yeah. And it was a nice time. You hit it with nice timing because that's when like the, you know, entertainment machine was still a machine. You still got the views. You still got the money.

It's just in our hours, it's just you have to do this what we're doing because the machine is there, sure, but it's way less views, way less money. And then you might have to do things you really don't want to do. And it's just like the incentives don't seem as high as they were. It is a strange time to be on our side of the business because, you know, you'll get in a room with TV execs and they'll want you to do things for very low money. And then you just say no, very respectfully. And they can't believe it because the execs still think, oh, no, but this is. CBS, but then you say, but I'm going to lose money and views if I do that.

They're showing me enough. And then my, and then even furthermore, our fans who we respect so much and we've taken years to build, then think you sold out and then they stop listening to your show. You get less money, less views and then you lose the thing you built. So, what's the incentive? It's a very weird time.

There is another thing about it. The solace I always took with TV executives whenever I was talking to them, I was thinking, you're going to be here for six fucking months. Right. And they move around Fast. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, it's a tough place to be, I think, a TV executive. How do you being back in now? Like, are you enjoying the new show? Like, are you excited for it? Yeah. Right. That's fun. Oh, that's perfect for it.

I would love to do one though. Oh, it's the best because, you know, you work inside a framework, you know, exactly what you're doing. You can riff as much as you like because there's rules, you know. So it's kind of like, I think a framework. is really helpful for creativity. So like when I was doing late night, there was one of the things we used to do, whenever we swore on late night,

we wouldn't beep it, we'd put a little flag up. And it would say like Tootsie Fruitsy or o'lala or something like that. And we would never have thought of that if we were allowed to swear. Do you remember when the Osbournes that, when the Ozzy Osbourne family, you guys probably don't remember.

Yeah, yeah, no, no. But when they beeped it, it was much funnier than what it wasn't beat. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I kind of like the framework to work inside of it. And game shows give you that. Yeah. Yeah, I love game shows.

When does it air? When can the people catch it? It's 8 o'clock. 8 o'clock. On the CW, guys. Check it out. I'm going to check it out. I mean, if there's somebody who's going to nail that, it's going to be you.

I think we did it. I think we got it. And go back and watch join or die. if you've if you've if you've if you've never seen it's a great great show and yonis was so funny on it that Craig didn't even I I couldn't handle how funny he was and I tried to to railroad his career yeah we're gonna get christian here and yeah and you know what I feel like I did yeah yeah yeah this has been all yours yeah oh yours we're Greg Ferguson thank you Craigie thank you great pleasure man all right well that was Craig Ferguson I'm you know I'm sure all the ladies and gay guys out there

are still soaking wet. What a great guy. What a nice guy. We're only going to do 15 minutes with him. We wound up doing 50. Yeah, I had a feeling it was going to go good because he's a a very smart guy. And he's got an earring and he's parties. He's got an earring and he's parties. And the truth of the situation is he's been sober, 30-something years, but he will drink again. He will drink again at some point. Unfortunately, he will because he's just, you know what I mean? You're just going to have a couple of booze and get a blowjob from a 40-year-old step-mom.

He looks like he's got a fourth in his life in him. It's what it is. Or a trip to West Garden. We should have said that, yeah, if he wants to go to West Garden, Craig, if you're listening, now that you live in New York, we can get you early access VIP to a little place called West Carden. Yeah, I mean, didn't you have that vibe when you're looking at? I'm like, you got a four and five in you. You could go to more. Yeah, because

everybody's mom, who's listening to this pod, wants to bang out Craig Ferguson big. Yeah, yeah, and you know what? He just, the women on the show, when he did that show, they just liked him. Yeah, because I saw those clips, too. It's nobody, the internet is never saying he did anything bad. It's like these women

chicks were into it. They want to bang him out big. But he's a tall drink of water. He's a handsome kid. He had Doc Martin's on in an earring with a three-piece suit and tattoos all up the arm. He's a different guy at night. Yeah, it's just what it is. He's just a different guy at night. And he's probably got a big uncircumcised piece. Yes, he does.

Because the Scottish kids don't get clipped. Yeah, I mean, the kid is, he's doing a little press today. So, but at night he's a little like Nero. It's just what it is. He does something at night. Yeah, it's just what it is. And now he's going to Dan Sotter's pod. That's what he's doing.

That's just what life has become. As always, at the end of every episode, we welcome the newest members who went to Patreon.com slash history hyenas where the real magic happens. The ad-free episodes happen. The bonus episodes happen. It's we are really off the rails. We're doing another level there for the $25 a month level where we read our text messages on air. And it's one of the funniest things you'll ever hear. And it will eventually get us all federally indicted. So here's what it is. Welcome to the show, Thomas Torn. Then we got stinky winky, put Chris's pinky in my stinky. It rhymes. I like it. Yeah.

Then we got ISO, Mariana's trench. Hashtag Challenger. Paul's Deep Peace. Wait, whoa, whoa. Mariana's trench? Mariana's trench. Okay, we walked in when we can't disparage the friends and family.

Okay. Because I think he's calling her Vagg. It's Mariana. Mariana, Tencio, we had her on the show. Oh, yeah. Yeah, oh, sorry.

Yep, yep, yep. I never heard it referred to as a trench. Yes, it's funny. But it is funny. We're trying to think of the Maryana. Craig. Yeah.

I think he's calling her Pussetrench. Then we got stiff sweats and a stiff neck. Okay. Okay. Then we got, it's called no Kings protest

because it's all bitches. List it Okay List it Then we got Mxt TT Then we got Chrissy sent Josephine

To dog camp On a train Put it on the list It's just what it is It's not all wrong It's not all wrong It's a walked into one But it's funny

It's going on the list Is that a walked into one Leave it on the list For now Coffee shop Kistis I ordered from the secret menu Matthew Yeager

Michael Durr Leaky Roof from a horse's hoof He got kicked in the head By a horse Put him on the list Just what it is very funny. James Allen.

Then we got Frisbees. Can't Resist. A buy one, get one free Palestine. Way song she ain't. Yeah. That is inventive because I think I'm going to have to put it on the list. Yeah, we got. Sometimes, see, that's also, too, the thing about this show is it depends what mood, Yonnie's in.

Because sometimes people get listed because he's just in a good mood. I'm in a good mood right now. I took a little al-thionine. Yeah. Oh, I just heard about that. Yeah, that's a good one. You throw it in the coffee, right? I think the most evidence is about the thionine, the magnesium, and the vitamin D with the K2.

The vitamin D, K2. Those are the three everyone should take. The thiamine is, do you drop it in the cough? No, what you do is you take it, you know, you can take it once or twice a day, depending on how focused on the common you want to be. Is that, oh, it's a thymine, it focuses you. It's a space giver. Yeah, but what I've been doing is taking a little thing called Sergio Shrooms, and I've been on him,

and I've told you that. How do they feel? They feel really good, even though I got banged up on Saturday. Yeah. What they do is they're almost like CBD, right? It just makes you feel like a little body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you just give a little space.

Yeah. Do you feel like you have that space? I felt like I had that space enough to drink nine tequila. Yeah. So it's just what it is. Because you can run, you can hide from a low dose, but a low dose is looking for you guys. Maybe we'll try a little althiamy. Maybe we'll try a little bit of that.

Yeah. Okay, so we got Jengis John, Andy Rivera. Call my girl Bush 11, but I've seen Stranger Things. Okay. John Stott. All right. Annie Ruiz, John Stott. Prancer number three on the Minneapolis city bus,

aka the Somali trolley. We're in a wild mood today. The Somali trolley's a goodie. Somali trolley's a tent. We're just going wild today. Isaiah Ordaz, Jeremy R, Dr. Ray Pist, MD, Chris Anza, Chrissy Come on Seattle Tranny C-Tac. C-Tac.

Yeah. Bruce Schilley. Yeah. Bruce Shealy, Paco Garcia. Henry two gave for the Dark Age Coyra. George Pickens, Cotton. Oof. Yep.

Latter 14. Calling ice deploys on rice and bean Leroy's. Ass man. Call my ass the underground railed road, because 10 Leroy's just ran a train on it. Put him on a list. Latter of 14. Take out the catapult.

Yeah. Sling them high. Yep. Yep. Alex S. Just flew in from Minnesota. And boy, are my arm. arms icicles. He tried.

Sorry, baby, it usually lasts longer. Wait, sorry, baby, I usually last longer? Yeah. Chicken figure. Yeah, that's what it is. From under cheese, charcutory hoard. More like Ed Fistmaster. Okay. Okay. Wow. Chris's roof leaks more than, okay, well, not going to read that. Okay. Travi Wavi, Big Surty, Aiden Sullivan, Amy Stiffler, drumming on 88, Nate buyers, awkward place between Hey Babe and history hyenas? Yeah. Okay. Zachari Alley and Ilean's lipstick colored sig from Finland.

Put it by the list. I like it. What does that mean from Finland? I don't know, but it's funny. Okay. So, yeah, I don't know what that means. I don't know what it means. You know what?

Take them off the list because it would have been better without the Finland. Yeah, yeah. Just lipstick color. Wow, that's the first time that's ever happened where somebody got listed and immediately detracted. Yeah, I mean, what we did, we call that a booth review. Yeah, booths. That went into the review.

Yeah. Through the challenge flag onto the field and we have to, we reversing the call. Because it happened. Yeah. Then we got Christoph Pashetschke, Brandon Braswell, AC, Pablo Palomino, Venezuela is for the table. Jennifer Clark, true blue goye, Chris Armaghillo, Amanda Honoroto, Hunter Benton, Lindsay Cox. Excuse me, sir, your balls are showing. Chad

Uncle Somali's free daycare Sterling John Darrova Tight after kid number two Doc pulled to Joey Gladstone What does that mean? I don't know That's a girl

That's a woman That's a girl Yeah Lorenzo Gonzalez Amil Todd John King Dom Steve Carson Thigpen

I have an itchy asshole Chicken finger Tom My Prime mover Is my wet Buthole gluer Call me Thomas Aquinas

Tried he went for it Charlie Chaplin's barber knew how to sell tickets. Okay. What's that? I don't know. Oh, the Hitler mustache. Little Stitch. Went for it.

Arapas on the Acropolis. Arepas. Arapas. On the Acropolis. Nicholas Sufrant. Pardon Nassar. I can't reach this knot in my ass. Meatball 150.

Oh, that Larry Nassar. Yeah. Jonathan Polkloin. Jared DeCano. Are Mountain Oysters in season? What are those? I don't know. noise too. Bulls balls. Okay. Adolf Schittler and the micropeens. I have peep. I have...

It's a good one. Drexler. I have papers. Please no take me. No please. I legal. Lad, 14. Nick wasn't... Nick kind of smiled at that. Yeah, no, Nick liked it a lot. Casey Brooks, Alex, Michael Palmer, Nicholas Chambers, Chase Rogers. Um, Big Country, SL. The Mexican that fell through Chrissy's attic. Um, what's that? I had a, um, somebody was coming over to fix something in my roof when I lived in Staten Island and the guy fell through the attic and T.T. Jerry went up there. This is like 20,

21. T.T. Jerry went up there and I told the story on... Oh, was this the thing that had like a little controversy on TikTok? What happened? Because T.T. Jerry went up there and the guy was trying to say he had a back pain and T.T. Jerry was like, well, do you have your papers? And he said no. And then Jerry just fucking, you know,

I talked about it on the pot and we laughed about it. And then it was like, all people like, that is not okay. It's not okay. You outed him. Yeah, but the truth of the situation is the person that fell through the garage was it was an Italian guy. Right. I just said it was a Mexican for like the bit. Oh, okay. And so like, but then, but it's so it kind of gave, it's when I really started to get off social media and realize that.

Well, if you had hired a Mexican, he wouldn't have fallen through the roof. That's true. Yeah. But I realized that it was because again, the guy was an Italian. It was a friend of the family. It was all just like a joke that I did on the pond. But then a person on TikTok said they found the actual person and were interviewing them. but they were real about it

and they had, there's video of them talking to some guy and this guy is saying that he fell through my attic and he's giving a wrong address on Staten Island but these people are believing it. It was bizarre. Then an actual lawyer contacted me. Holy shit. It went that far. So a guy pretended that he was the guy? Yes. But it wasn't

for comedy. It was for real. Somebody who had like a lawyer had this TikTok. Oh, he was trying to get paid. Exactly. And then actual for real lawyer called me and was like, do you need representation? I said It's none of it's real. Right. They said they found the guy. That is so internet.

That is so internet. Holy macro. Then we got might take my muzzie family waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay this summer. That's a good way for them to spend a vacate. It's what it is. That's a funny thing. Kids got some muzzies. This family's making a joke.

I'm going to Drexler. Let me ask you this quick. While I have it in my head, what are the chances Craig Ferguson's PR team lets us put out that whole episode? I think it's 100%. chance. Yeah, I think he had a good time. Yeah, but you think the PR might be like, that's not okay. No, I think he's, I think they know when they, I think they know when they booked him for this, that, you know, it's just what you got to do now. Right. Then we got Frankie Five Angels. Then we got Yanni's stockings are for life, not just for Christmas. Drexler, Drexler, almost there. Lou,

then we got all I wanted for Christmas was a cutie, saluti from Lieutenant Lollipop and Sergeant Snuggles. All I got was a root in my boot from a to. Okay. My Eastern Hemmy, G. makes me shower before a blowy. Okay. So he's a West Garden. You know what I'm going to put that on the list because it's very funny that he's called a prostitute his girlfriend. Yeah, it's what it is.

And some people is just what it is. They go for a GFE. The kid goes for a GFE, a girlfriend experience. That's what it is. He pays a little extra for the GFE. David Ruhl, Drew Patty, in the Habachi spot, moving wine glasses, call me Jerry Glueless. Up all night, Bobby and my Lee.

My dad won't say black athletes names right on purpose it's a character piece Tim Dillon State Fair Funnel Cake Farts Drexler This is the story of a girl Who fumed a river and drenched the whole world Right

Gross Fure Shultz made Akash Singh a slumdog Millionaire We had that That one is a PPW For a long time ago Yeah Napoleon's tiny battle shorts

Blunderfeld Leroy poaks her guts Because I piss on my nuts Leroy pokes her good Oh I get it He cucks his girl out just so he can feel something. His pee-pies so he can feel something. His pee-pies so small he pees on his mouth.

You're going to get Drexler for that. I supported my street sweeper, Guamara, now my Framanda cheese is built up big. Okay. Street sweeper is what we see when you get the assy. Yeah, or you could call it. It's more of a chimney sweeper is what it should be. It's what it is. It's more of a chimney sweeper.

BFG 9,000. Ron, call me back. Last night was amazing, so I'm happy you came in me. Please, I'm a man. Okay. Yeah. P.S. I'm a man. Tyler Budd.

Gentrifiers Neighborhood Repair Shop We Get the Dings Out Out of 14 Can you repeat that one more time Gentrifiers Neighborhood Repair Shop And then quotes We get the dings out I mean it's that type of list

We're going We're putting them on On list We're putting them on Jess I'm just sitting good mood Timothy McNeva Big Nasty Cruz It could be the funniest one

Cuckash Singh Kelly Fistuka is such a lawyer Okay So that's a Kelly Fitztoke is a comic from years and years ago She went back to Australia I think So he's probably You know what dude fan

Is she still on the show? No No right But to know that you'd have to listen to the show Sam Dietz Call Chrissy D's second toe gay Because he pushes it Don't get it

Nick Ginger Jewish Guatemalan needs ice for half the family I got COVID watching squid games Pencil drop I got COVID Wei Songxien You like it? Asian show

Yeah I like it I'm a Drexlerate though Because you know They're Korean So it's different And then last but at least Saddamol

But pirate Okay All right Good list though Edgy list Edgy list So guy And also just

You know We see a lot of the comments Your name has been read Where again So many people join up And we're thankful You just have to keep listening Sometimes these lists

Are months behind Yeah So just listen every week. Yeah. All right, here is the list. It's called no King's protest because it's all bitches. We're going to chicken finger that.

Okay. Christy sent Josephine to Dog Camp on a train. We're going to walk into one that. Just honor how funny it was, but we're going to walk into one. Leaky roof from a horse's hoof. We're going to chicken finger that. Okay. Frisbee can't resist to buy one, get one free Palestine. That's so funny.

We're going to Drexler it. Okay. my Eastern Heming GF makes me shower before a blowy We're going to keep that one around Okay Gentrifier's neighborhood repair shop We get the dings out We're going to keep that one around

Okay On the Minneapolis city bus A.K.A. the Somali trolley We're going to make that the contender Okay well right now you can Drexler the previous two So Drexler Okay Yeah

So Drexler my Eastern MEGF makes me shout Yeah And Gentrifier's neighborhood repair shop To get the things out those are out because... Walked into one for that. Because the last one, I think this is a contest because we have on the... I know.

The city, but the Somali Trolley. And then, last minute, at least, call my ass the underground railed road. Because 10 Leroy's just ran a train on it. I mean, this one is done right. Whatever you say in the comments, this is done right. Yeah. Those are the two. Those are the two.

We honored the ones that almost made it. Any other day, guys, those are the two. So it's between on the Minneapolis city bus, a.k.a. The Somali trolley. Or call my ass the underground railed road, because 10 Leroy's just ran a train on it. You know what? I'm in a mood. I'm in a mood. I want to do something we've never done. What do you want to do? I want to do co-MvP.

Wow. That's what I want to do. Wow. I think this week, because I'm not choosing between those two fucking first ballot hall of famers, I'm just not doing it today. Wow. Boys, do we got to double. How could you choose between that? Are you really going to put Somali trolley on the bench? Are you going to put Somali trolley on the bench? No, you can't. You can't. You can't do it. Wow. Okay. So for the first time in history, Hyena's history, we have, two winners who are going to share their co-PPPW, co-sudo penises to the week. Link forever.

Link forever. Go to History Hyenas is Back.com to see both your names up in lights. The winners are on the Minneapolis City Bus, aka the Somali Trolley. And call my ass the underground railed road because 10 Leroy's just ran and train on it. I mean, that's the way it goes. Is that a good decision? Good decision. Yeah.

You're the winners. Enjoy the episode. Tell your friends. Everything is continuing right now at patreon.com slash history hyenas.