History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Chelsea Handler is a Top

Episode Date: April 29, 2025

Yannis & Chris sit down with Chelsea Handler and go wild. Make sure to watch her special on Netflix and get her book! #Comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://teespring.com/stores/historyhyenas Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The first time I saw 50 Cent's penis was across the room, and I remember it was not erect. Wait a second, across the room? Yeah, we were in a hotel room, and he was, well maybe it felt like it was across the room, but he wasn't fully erect, and I remember looking at his penis going, wow, that's going to get bigger. Right. So that was shocking. That's a good title for your next book.

Yeah, that is great. Wow, it's going to get bigger. That's going to get bigger. Yeah, and it's coming my way for your next book. Yeah, that is great. Wow, it's going to get bigger. That's going to get bigger. Yeah, and it's coming my way. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. What's up everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Janis Papas. I'm sitting here with my co-host Chris DiStefano, who just got a hair trim. Thank you.

Yeah, it's very emasculating when I have to tell my podcast partner I'm getting a trim. Yeah, well you went from barber now to stylist. I got a, well, in a way, yeah. I mean, it's just a kid I know from the neighborhood that's just is, he's a stylist now and I think he's just doing that, but he's just a gay kid that doesn't want to come out of the closet. You gotta do gay and I'm looking at the hairstyle and that is a gay trim which means it was done right. It was done right. That was done right. We have a special guest today a very special guest. Look at that. Welcome to

Chelsea Lately. Chelsea Handler she's got a new book that's out right now and she's got a new Netflix special that out right now and she's got a new Netflix special that's coming out on Netflix March 25th. Welcome Chelsea Handler. Thank you, boys. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. It's always fun to do this kind of pod

because I don't know if you've ever heard it, but it's kind of wild. It's always fun to do it with the PR guy taking notes. Yeah, the PR guy's here. That's always fun when the publicists come in. It's usually they're just like, should we put that one out or not? And he's a Lebanese kid and my brother's gay also

and I'm from an immigrant family. So I know your Lebanese parents, it was a challenge. Well, here's the thing. He's actually not out. He's not out? No, no. So you just outed him. Oh, really?

No, no, he's out. I was gonna say, well, he's out. I mean, he's a gay from Lebanon, so he's out of the country. It's where he is. He's out of the country. And I mean if he's not out his voice is. Yeah I mean he is. So it's hard to hide.

What we call him. He's got ahead of him. That's a D1G, a day one gay and no doubt about it a 550 foot home run, a hall of fame gay. He's definitely first ballot, he's not a UCF, he's an F. He came out like fucking yes! Yeah. Good for you dude. It's freeing, it's good.

And we've opened up Chelsea Handler's book We've both opened up to random page. We're just gonna read a little excerpt So again, no context here we have in quotes. Is there anything special? I need to do she asked looking up at me like a deer in the headlights I felt like Bill Cosby. Okay, and I got another one. Yeah Trump is a fascist. We are entering into another Fascist era that's not my book. Oh, okay. Sorry. That's not what you're reading.

Sorry. No, it's not in there. That's not in my book. It's not in here. I'm just saying. Yes. This is more a fun one. It's about I'll have what she's having. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Which is alcohol, not like... No, it's life.

Life. It's life. It's whatever I'm having. It can encompass drugs, alcohol, lifestyle choices, just basically, you know, a lifestyle. Yeah. And you wrote the book, which is dope. Yeah. No ghost writer. No, no, no.

You. No, I wrote it. I write all my books. That's pretty fucking awesome. Yeah. Thank you. She's had seven. Seven.

This is my seventh book. Seven books. And she has, you have great teeth. Are they real? Yeah, they are. Thank you for asking. My breasts are real and my teeth are real. Well, interesting. I get that question a lot too. People think I have fake boobs. I do not.

No, I would never guess that. Okay, thank you. That you have fakes. Great. They look like they look like natties. Okay. Beautiful. And they're well set. And they just look like natural, nice white woman boobs. Right. And they're buoyant.

WWBs. They're buoyant because I haven't had children and I sleep with a bra every night. Right. That's good. Yeah. A lot of women don't know to do that and I learned that early on from my older sister and it's paid, it's yielded nice dividends for me. Yes.

You gotta sleep with a bra on and having no kids, I mean, yeah. That's a... No, the kids really destroy the body. They destroy the body. They really do. It's like a nuke for the breast. I'm more of a leg man, but I went in there. And his feet, he's big into feet.

And I'm big into feet. I'm big into feet. I like femininity in feet. Sucking on feet? I like putting them in my, like once in a while, like a pacifier. I like putting it in. Yes, like plug it in. Sucking a toe.

Yeah. Now you got, so, and my girl actually got her boobs removed. So I've,'ve I've know that's how far I've come in this she went the other way got him taken out Yeah, that's the women are doing that by the way, right? Yeah, no, she told me too and I she said when she took them out She said I felt like my body was like rejecting something for ten years like I kind of always felt off She's like I took them out within a month. I feel like me again, even though I don't have, you know, big, huge boobs anymore. She was like, I just feel better. Yeah. And I was like, it's, I think it's sexier from some, from somebody who's had big boobs my whole life. I think it's sexier to have smaller boobs

as a woman. I'm sorry. I just looked at them. They are, they are big and nice. They are really hard. They are. Yes. Since like, oh no, they just softened up. Did you give your boobs blue chew? Uh, no, I don't know what that is. It's an alternative to Viagra. If you use the promo code histrianias, you get a 5% off. To get my nipples hard? No, to get an erection. Viagra, their blue chew tablets made right here in the USA.

Same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra. Okay, but why would a woman take that? It was just a joke that bombed about your My dick about your about your about your boob dick. All right. Yeah. Yeah, or dick in between my boobs Yeah, yeah. There you go. Yeah, yeah get hard that way then you can take your blue chew Yeah, and you can get 10% off with this podcast. Yeah You guys because you have such nice natties do they motorboat me? Yeah, well they do they like try to climb up do they inch up towards to try to get you to get titty fucked?

No, I haven't been titty fucked in a really long time. I feel like that's kind of something you do when you're younger. And I don't know, a lot of adults are, I mean, I'm sure you do. I don't, no, I mean, I'm an adult. Are titty fucking... I'm not into titty fucking. I've never done it once, or in the butt. I've never done either one of those things.

Never done in the butt, never done a titty fucking. Are you not interested in having anal penetration with a woman? I am. Yeah, he's not. I am. Well, right. No, I am. I've just never done it.

I think I just get too excited about the vagina and then it's over five, six pumps max and then I don't think we ever have time for the butt. That's how long you last, five or six pumps? Unfortunately, yeah. Unfortunately, I get excited, I get quick, I'm in the moment, and I'm sorry, to the women who I've had sex with, it's just- What a lucky girlfriend you have.

I know, I know. What about you? How many posts does it take you? Well, right now it takes a bunch of time because I'm a lexapro, so I can feel nothing. Oh, wow. It's just numb. But you can get an erection?

I could totally get an erection. Oh, well that's good. That's all that really matters. He also hasn't had sex since the pandemic. Yeah, I mean, I'm married, so it's like I can't even get to my wife. So that's over. Yeah, there's just kids cock-blocking me's like, I can't even get to my wife. So that's over. Yeah, there's just kids cock blocking me all day long.

That's just part of my life. But your hair does look good today. Thank you. Yeah, it's picked together. Thank you, your hair, everyone's hair looks really good today. Chelsea looks fantastic. Your hair looks really good today. Because I got a trim from a gay stylist.

Yeah, I was wondering, that made sense, it all came together when you said that. Yes, yes. You look really good, you look, and also like just like gracefully, you know, just beautiful. Oh, wow, thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, because you know, like gracefully you know just beautiful. Oh wow thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. Yeah yeah cuz you know aging gracefully we all try to do it and you're doing it. You're doing it. And you're still very young. You're a

49 year old kid you look good. I'm 49 too. I'm 50 now. I'm 50. I turned 50 yesterday. Oh my god. Happy belated. God. You brought a cake in. How come that wasn't told to us? Happy belated! Oh my God! You brought a cake in, how come that wasn't told to us? Happy belated! Happy birthday! It's still going, it's my 50th year, so I'm just gonna be celebrating all your loss. Yeah. Still happening. What do you think about people who lie about their age?

Advantage or no? I don't know, I don't know why people lie about anything really. Right, you should, life's too short. Yeah, I don't like to lie. I like to tell the truth and just get on with everything. Yeah. You know what I mean, even if it gets you in trouble,

it's just easier to just say it and then be done with it. Yeah. I mean, if I hit a body, obviously I'm not gonna be lying. I mean, telling people about that, I would keep that a secret. If I did something really illegal, I mean, even if I did something illegal, I think I'd be open about it.

But maybe not a murder, you know? I don't think I would come forward about that, but who knows? You don't think self-preservation would kick in and you try to lie to keep yourself going? You're having a pretty good life. Yeah, like if I had... Everyone makes mistakes.

If I was involved in a murder that I didn't initiate and somehow I was involved in it and I had to think about coming forward, I wouldn't jeopardize my life by coming forward. Now, we're all in show business. Let me ask you, have you ever wanted to murder someone and who? Yeah. I mean, all the time, different people. There was a guy who told me there was a, some guy came up to me on the street.

I had forgotten to put money in the meter in the parking meter. And he came up to me and he goes, Hey, you forgot to put money in the meter. And I looked at him like, who the fuck, who the fuck are you? Why are you telling me what to do? Why are you, first of all, this is my first experience with a fucking meter or a car, and I wanted to kill him. But instead, I didn't. I had a conversation with him about stop,

don't tell women to fucking feed their meter, because would you say that to another grown man? Would you say to another grown man, hey, you forgot to put money in your meter? No, I probably would never say that. You wouldn't say that. No. I would not say.

So I found that to be a little bit like patronizing, like he's taking care of me because I'm a woman. So I wanted to murder him, but I didn't murder him. Right. That's a microaggression, not a macro. Did you put money in the meter though? No, because I wasn't going to put money in the meter anyway. I don't care if I get a parking ticket.

I like to wing it. You should get a ticket. We were just discussing this. Sometimes it's easier for us to just park on the street here, it's cheaper for us to just give me a $50 ticket than paying $90 to put it in a garage. Yeah, that's exactly my son. And also if you keep your parking tickets that you accumulate and you repurpose them and put them on your windshield, that's usually a good way to get out of getting another ticket.

Smart. Smart. That's a tip for you out there. And I also believe that you should be able to hit meter maids. Oh yeah, poor meter maids. Talk about the shaft. They have it tough, but you should be able to hit them. But you have to think about with your car or just with a fist. Both. No, both. Yeah. I mean, if they're in the way. If you became a meter maid, you have to understand how many other things went wrong before you became that. You know what I mean? That's not like somebody-

The first thing that went wrong is you being born in Pakistan. Well, that's an interesting take. Well, most of them are South Asian. You should be able to hit them if you're in your car and they give you a ticket. If you're not around, obviously you can't hit them. But if you're running to the car and saying, no, no, no, I'm leaving, or if you're in the car sitting there taking a nap,

or scrolling on Craigslist. Taking a nap in your car, what's wrong? Who's taking a nap in their car? Cars are great places to get around, but they're also great places to just sit and escape the world. Right. Well, you could've got a Tesla,

you watch Netflix and the Tesla. I watch Netflix and the Tesla, who scrolled Craigslist. Yeah. So if someone comes and gives you like a ticket there You should be able to get out and hook off one. I'd legal second shot. Elee illegal. Yeah, here we go We've the fans at patreon.com slash history hyenas. We've asked them for questions for Chelsea handler There's so many coming in we got to just get to a few of these because we won't get to any of them

If you don't so the first question from John Black is how big is 50 cents glue gun big like really big circumcised I think so. Yeah, that's what I like to hear. Yeah, I'm sick and tired of people Talking out against uncircumcised penises. I I'm happy I'm circumcised and I want as many men to be circumcised Yeah, I like a circumcised piece because even when I'm watching porn, I don't like I it doesn't I don't like seeing the uncircumcised Well, can't you just focus on uncircumcised, I mean uncircumcised porn? I mean why are you just... Like put in my search engine circumcised penises. Yeah, circumcised penises. That's a good point. And so you don't have to even expose yourself to that.

Yeah, when you watch like Serbian porn. No, wait. Who's the only people who are uncircumcised? I think it's just Serbs. Well there's a lot of European people that aren't circumcised. All Eastern Bloc. There's a whole, there's a whole movement now against don't get your kids circumcised. Well now Bloc. There's a whole movement now against don't get your kids circumcised. Well, now with X and all this stuff, people are saying it was a Jewish conspiracy because I think it really started with the Jews, but it's really good to have your penis circumcised. Yeah, it's better to have a clean penis than to have a dirty penis.

Yeah. It does chafe the nerves. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. It does chafe the nerves. I got a clean penis. There's no con without a pro, though. Right, it's true.

Yeah, but I'm glad I don't get an infection on my penis head. That's good. Right, it's true. Yeah, but I'm glad I don't get an infection on my penis head. That's good. Right. First time I saw 50 cents penis was across the room and I remember it was not erect. Wait a second, across the room? Yeah, we were in a hotel room and he was, well maybe it felt like it was across the room, but he wasn't fully erect and I remember looking at his penis going, wow, that's gonna get bigger get bigger. So that was shocking. That's a good title for your next book. Yeah, that is why. Wow.

It's going to get bigger. Yeah. And it's coming my way. Yeah. Yeah. I played I played basketball. So did he. And we've had a lot of those moments in the same room where you saw penises coming towards you. Yeah. Here's the thing. It's like not coming towards me. Well, they feel like they're coming towards you It feels like an aggression before some of them are so big

I mean, I've seen I've seen a lot of black eyes penises and I think when they're big they're big Well, there's a lot of white guys who have big penises. Yeah, yeah, it's a great stereotype It's a great stereotype to have a huge penis. But yeah sad when there's a little penis. That's a bad Situation nobody likes that and I mean like I. It's sad when there's a little penis. That's a sad situation. Nobody likes that. And I mean, I'm talking like a Vienna sausage, like a little baby. And that's hard, especially when it is hard

and it's still the same size, like a little nugget. Well, this brings us to our next Patreon question fan. Somebody said, who has a bigger penis? I think I know 50 Cent or Joe Coy, the Asian. Yeah, well, I think we all know the answer. Yes, right. But Joe, obviously fellow comedian, but Joe's penis. all know the answer. Yes, right. But Joe, you know, obviously fellow comedian, but Joe's penis... Joe Cory actually has a decent penis. I just want to

put that on the record. And I bet it's cute. Yeah, it wasn't... That was a nice penis. Yes. Filipinos have pretty good penises. Yeah. How do you know that? I used to be a physical therapist and we worked with a lot of Filipino people, our nurses and healthcare people. With their penises? Yeah, you know, you just take a, you can see it through the scrubs. Yeah. You know what I mean? Right. Yes. So you just, you- I thought you were gonna say you used to be Filipino.

No, I didn't, no, no, no, no. No, I didn't used to be Filipino, but I do work with a lot of Filipino people. I did in my career. And I think that they all, for the Asians, they had the biggest penises. Chinese go relatively small, but Filipino, because you got a little, you know, Latino mixed in there.. Latinos get slept on, but they have huge penises too.

I mean, if you come see my, you know, fiance's family, I mean, all these guys have huge dicks. It's great that you know about all these different penises. That's what it is, babe. We're being so straight. Now, we are a history podcast, and I did a little research on you, and I found one thing very interesting. Your father is German. Jewish. My mother is German. Your mother is German. Like that. And your father is Jewish. Yes. And you found out that your grandfather, unfortunately,

was in the German Army during World War II. Yes. Right. So, conflict in the family. That's interesting. Right, right, because, yes, yes. And you're a German Jew. Basically, but not the German Jew. I'm a Jew and I'm German. So there's a lot of German Jews, but I'm just a Jew who also is German. Right, you're not like Albert Einstein German, you're actually a mix of the two. Predator and prey.

Yes, exactly. That's interesting. Did your mom ever chase your dad around the dinner table, like just his jeans kicked in? No, he chased dad around the dinner table, like just his jeans kicked in? No, that didn't happen. He chased her around the dinner table a lot. Yeah, yeah. My dad chased my mom around a lot.

My mom agreed when she got together with my dad, like, let's just pretend I'm not German and we can raise all the kids Jewish and we'll focus on that. That's what she agreed to. I mean, she reneged on that at some point. So we didn't learn German or any of that. We didn't have any German culture. It was just all about being a Jew growing up in Livingston, New Jersey.

Now, so your mom was German and your dad was a Mormon. My dad, my mom was a German Mormon and my dad was Jewish. Right, so did you make fun of her for believing in a prophet named Joe? Yeah, absolutely. Joe Smith.

I don't respect that. No. I can't believe it. Anyone who follows a guy named Joe. Religion is pretty embarrassing. I mean, there are better religions. Scientology makes some good points. Yeah, absolutely.

You don't wanna fuck with them. It's like this mouth is for sucking, not for talking. That's a good, that keeps everyone. I don't want to fuck with them. It's like this mouth is for sucking, not for talking. That's a good, that keeps everything. I don't want to piss off Scientology. I'd honestly, I'd rather, they've. I don't have a problem pissing off Scientology. Okay. They've come after me before.

Have they? Yeah, it doesn't really bother me. What are they gonna do? I mean, what's gonna happen? You're too known. Well, it's a good superpower with you is too, because you have stayed single and you don't want kids or anything,

what are people gonna take from you? I feel like I got this family, I don't want to or anything, what are people going to take from you? Like I feel like I got this family, like I can't lose my career, my life, I got kids, I got to do this, but like you're just like, you know what I mean? You can take her millions of dollars. That's actually a great point to bring up. That is the power of being single and childless is that people can't threaten my family. Very good point. For me, you threaten my family once, I'll give you whatever you want because it's like my daughter, so it's like I got to

protect them and so but you I'd be like yeah fuck it. Yeah, you know. Another superpower is you don't have to make new friends through your kids and pretend to like other parents. Oh, God, no. I wouldn't even make friends. I mean I won't even go to a dog park because that's how little I like engaging about you know your animals so I can't even imagine what parents must go through having to like mingle together at conferences and in news and at school events. No, that is the opposite of how I wanna live my life.

Yeah, you definitely make friends through your kids at this point. Yeah, I know. That's why, you know, I feel like my kids, I move a lot. I'm always like moving around too much. I want to live in Westchester, then I want to live in Long Island, then I want to live on Staten Island. And I think part of it is just because I really don't get along with any of my kids' parents

that well. But now I think I'm going to go back to Staten Island because I do just want to go back to where people just fucking love America. I'm sick and tired of people talking shit about America. It's bothering me. Talking shit about America. I just don't like it. Like fellow Americans just being like, this country bothering me. Talking shit about America. I just don't like it, like fellow Americans

just being like, this country sucks, I hate it. So I want to go back to Staten Island. Staten Island sounds like the place for you. 100% American flags, everybody left Staten Island, right? Yeah, yeah. You don't like Staten Island? I do like, I like Staten Island, but it's not for me. Right, yeah.

I don't know that I've ever been to Staten Island. You want to come to Staten Island? No. I like to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and that just cancels me out on Staten Island. Make no mistake deep down inside you are a fucking PR guy I am that's what you are you're a DYG publicist I just like art I like art I like tennis oh I love tennis. Somebody has an interesting question on the patreon who is funnier obviously they're saying Joe Coy or 50 cent in I like tennis. Oh, I love tennis. Somebody asked an interesting question on the Patreon. Who is funnier? Obviously they're saying Joe Coy or 50 Cent in person, they're asking specifically.

Just because you're obviously Joe Coy is an arena level comedian, so he's a fucking hall of fame comedian, but that doesn't mean he's funnier in person than a guy like 50 who's very funny on social media. Yeah, that's true. Joe's very funny on stage. Can't deny it. So it's a different kind of thing. I don't know who's funnier though. I mean, they're both funny in person.

Right. 50 Cent is kind of funny because he's so surprising, because he's kind of really shy and quiet, and he's got this kind of gangster image. So in person, he's really funny. He doesn't even smoke pot. Right. So my friends were all excited that I was going to have this big rapper hanging out with us, and then he'd come over and he wouldn't even smoke a joint So my friends were all excited that I was gonna have this big rapper hanging out with us, and then he'd come over and he wouldn't even smoke a joint. I once asked him for good weed,

and he didn't know how to get it, and I was like, well, this is a huge disappointment. He didn't know how to get weed? No, he didn't. Interesting. Is that when you started to be like, all right, this relationship's a thing. Well, that was a disappointment.

I like guys who can party. Joe Coy doesn't party either, so that was a disappointment. I like guys who can party. Yeah. Joe Coy doesn't party either. So that was a little bit of a disappointment also. Interesting. Yeah, he can drink but he doesn't smoke pot or take drugs. How do you think he did at the Golden Globes? Oh well, I think we all know how he did it. Very difficult position to be in, you know?

Well not for Nikki Glaser. Yeah, she could kill it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's, I think, you know, we've spoken about this before in the show I mean, I think she's like pound for pound like one of just the best not even female or male like just best comics We've known her for years. Oh, that's she works her ass off You like the writing and all that like when you see the people who don't see like the behind-the-scenes Nikki that like we do

It's like she'll come with like 20 pages of jokes when the rest of us had, you know, half a page, right? So she's so she deserves it all. Yeah. People keep calling, everyone here just once is talking about your boobs and how much they love your boobs. They keep calling them nukes. They say, can she please just show her nukes? And we're going to say no for you.

Now we're not going to show it. You're not going to say nukes. But a lot of people are saying there's no way these things are real. And it is real. We could feel her truth. Just confirm. You can tell them to go to my Instagram and then watch my most recent ski birthday video in my bikini And you can see them bouncing around and my boobs bounce like real boobs. There you go. Yeah

They are covered in a bikini, but you can see you can tell when we're giving a lot of fake boobs. Somebody said this is um, Somebody wants to know this is an interesting question that fits our show who in history if you if it could be anybody Who would you like to bang out and why? Oh, God, so many people. I mean. But is there one that sticks out and can't be Jesus? Jesus? OK.

I, who would I like to have? Why can't it be Jesus? I just don't feel like my mom wouldn't appreciate it. In history, who would I want to bang out? God, I don't know. I don't have a good answer for that. I'd probably pick a woman. I mean, if I'm going to pick a historical figure. Keep talking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. God,

I'm trying to think of a hot historical female. I'd like to see. I like that. Yeah. Elizabeth the first. Oh, she definitely top you a little bit. Fucking nuts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which one would be the strap on? Oh, God, I guess it would be what strap on you'd wear. I would She'd definitely top you. She's a little bit fucking nuts, so. Yeah. Yeah. Which one would be the strap-on? Oh, God. I guess it would be wood. I would have to wear the strap-on. You'd wear it.

I would wear that. I'm definitely our top. Yeah, I could see that. Even with Catherine the Great, I would be the top. You would top her. Definitely. Empress Theodora, you'd top her? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Absolutely. I'm on top. Yeah, you're top. Yeah. Yeah. Have you had a lesbian experience? I have. Yeah. And you topped? You fucked the shit out of it? No, we didn't use a strap on. Just, you know, like threesome stuff.

Oh, I love that. With some boyfriends. I love that. Yeah. Shout out Gold Bond partner. What a good lotion that is. Yeah, oh yeah, Gold Bond, that's what I put on my body when I ski.

Yeah. To keep my skin supple. So you can stay slick down the mountain. Mm-hmm, that's right. You know, I don't know, I got't know, I've been using this new app. Not a sponsor, nothing to do. It's called the Yucca app, do you know about it? You scan every food, every cream,

and it'll give it a score based off additives or calories or whatever. And there's so many of these products that foods, yes, but also these skin creams that are like, it's just cancer. It's just like you're rubbing cancer into your body. Or you're eating cancer. And I like, I had no idea because this, the sugar I understand, the sodium I understand,

but the additives, like you can't exercise that out. That's just like in your body. But Gold Bond seems like it would get scanned good on Yuka. I mean, you gotta get no body fat, which is fantastic. Yeah, I mean, I was just, I was checking out. And who's this lucky guy? This guy is the guy who organized my birthday video this week, this year.

So we went to Sun Valley to film it, and I skied with a bunch of women down a mountain, and we were all in bathing suits with my dog. And this guy coordinated it all, so I let him take me for a ride on his snowmobile. And he's a real zaddy. Mm-hmm. And he kept his hands, he didn't try to cop a feel.

I mean, everyone tries to cop a feel, but I'm not really opposed to that for me. You know, I mean I wouldn't speak for other women, but I'm not really sensitive to, you know, as long as you're not trying to assault me, I'm okay. Yeah. What do you think about that coming up as a woman in Hollywood pre-Me Too and then seeing Me Too happen? Do you think that it was a good thing? Of course it was, right?

Well, I think the, I think. I just heard myself asking that question. Like, is it a good thing or a bad thing? I think that it was definitely a good thing, and I think the repercussions of that, I think the Roe v. Wade being overturned was a direct result of the Me Too movement. You too?

Yes, of men going, oh really, you wanna tell on us? Well, we're actually gonna take away overturned was a direct result of the Me Too movement. You too? Yes. Of men going, oh really? You want to tell on us? Well, we're actually going to take away your rights. That's what I think that led to. Right. But it's usually because usually the guy doesn't want the kid. Doesn't want the kid?

Yeah. Usually guys are like, if you get pregnant, they're like, alright, I'll pay for it. Yeah, but the Me Too is just about being sexually assaulted, not having kids. Right. Right. But they took it, yeah. But no, no, no. they don't want the kids, but they want women to procreate. They want women at home You know I mean right right at home raise your baby and don't talk right just my iron and cook food right yeah I think too like I think it's the women in my family like they've said before like they like it obviously You know don't want to be touched. You know unauthorized unauthorized like i like when a guy like my aunt

my aunt calling it unauthorized unauthorized is an interesting way to put it also yeah yes it's a government term but they're like you know like i have a cousin you know she's very like brooklyn she's like i fucking like when a guy looks at my ass i really do long bandy twizzlers candy keeps the fun going keep the fun going. Keep the fun going. Twizzlers, keep the fun going. Yeah, I like it. Who's the biggest creep in Hollywood that you came across? Oh yeah. Well, I think Harvey Weinstein probably takes the cake, but there's a lot of those

guys out there. Did you come across any of them and did you have to fucking put them in their place with your German side? I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point.

I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point.

I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a good point. I mean, I think that's a disservice to all women to say my attitude is preventing me. There are plenty of strong women who get sexually assaulted. It's not like you have a choice in the matter and you can argue your way out of it. So I know, luckily that never happened to me, but I, you know, it's happening.

It's rife. Right. Right. I mean, men aren't getting sexually assaulted in the way that women are. Right. That's for sure. Yes. Not in the free world. I got my balls cuffpped by a gay guy in, uh, in Hollywood.

But don't you think you deserve that? Did I deserve it? Possibly. Cause I was a good boy. Well, just because. I mean, you're a guy. You should have an idea of what it feels like to be groped. Oh yeah.

I got the nuts cupped and yeah, it felt like high school. Did it bother you? No, I gotta be honest with you. It's not that I loved it and I had to be like, dude, stop. But it's not like it didn't like, yeah, I didn't feel like I needed to even tell anyone. I just was like, yeah, you got your fucking nuts cupped. I think that's what happens

going on in Old Boy Catholic High School in Queens. It's just like, they just prepare you for that a little bit where you just get, you get grow up, you get teabagged. I mean, it's just what it is. I've had more nuts on my forehead than your publicist probably. And so, and so. Shout out to Paul. Shout out Paul Yeah, just what happens when you get a part in a Kevin Spacey movie. You just poor Kevin Spacey

I mean, whoa talk about sexual like what unwelcome sexual advances. Yes Yeah, he you could see that coming from a mile away when you look at his face. Yeah, you could see it Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's kind of just in his aura. Oh yeah. And I mean, grown men saying they were scared of being on set with him. Yeah. I did a gig once with him just before,

like everything came out about him, whatever. I did a gig and it was like some private show in DC, Cal Ripken Jr. from the Baltimore Orioles. It was like his foundation, whatever. Kevin Spacey was like some private show in DC, Cal Ripken Jr. from the Baltimore Orioles. It was like his foundation, whatever. Kevin Spacey was like the host host, and I did comedy to open it all up. And right before I went out, because it was a baseball themed event,

he slapped my ass, and I was like, that's interesting. I never thought, he was like, oh, it's a baseball thing. I was like, oh yeah, I guess. I didn't think of it. And then a month later, all this shit came out, I was like, oh, okay. Fucking Mr. Spacey. But guess. I didn't think of it. And then like a month later, all this shit came out. I was like, oh, okay. Fucking Mr. Spacey. But again, I didn't really fucking care.

Yeah. Yeah. You know? But I- You got off easy, it sounds like. I didn't care, yeah. I don't- You come to the allegations, you got off easy. But I just, yeah. Yeah, I mean, what are you gonna do? I also was fucking altar boy,

so it's like, who knows this shit I'm repressing. Right, right. Right, exactly. Who knows? But to each their own. I always say that to my therapist. I'm like, every time I'm like, are you sure I wasn't molested? I don't think they clipped you because you're Greek. The Catholic, I'm Italian, Irish, and German.

These are like the three. These are the rate we all got clipped as kids, the fucking golden years in the 90s. I mean, it's when it happens, when it went down. Well, the priests called it the golden years. The priests called it the golden years. That's what they called it. Yeah, that was the golden the golden years. The priests called it the golden years, right. That's what they called it. Yeah, that was the golden era for them. And they didn't touch Greek boys?

No. Greek Orthodox priests are allowed to marry, which is key. That's a big tip off in your church where you're going like, there's probably less of that happening. Uh-huh. The Catholic church, I mean, you're going like, they can't marry. They take the nuns and they put them in a faraway place. Who usually blows the whistle on child assault

women? It's like it was almost kind of set up confession. It's like, hey, I know your secrets. If you tell on me, I'll tell on you. It's a trade off though, because it's like you go Catholic and then it's like, you know, like me, it's like, yeah, maybe you got clipped by a priest or two. But then if you go Greek, it's like what people don't talk about is a lot of them are very inbred, like you don't know, like if you look at Yanni's eyes, we talk about his eyes are a little bit too close together. It's most likely his mom and his dad weren't as far apart.

You know what I mean? Like second cousins, third cousins, because it's just all in the mountains there. Have you done any DNA testing? Yeah, yeah, I'm Greek and I have a lot of Turkish genes in me, so I have those. Unfortunately. That's questionable too, right? We call those rape genes, those are probably RG's. Products of rape. Copy me. So unfortunately, we call those rape genes.

Those are probably RG's products of rape, which is tough, you know, which is because I'm happy to be here, but I also wish that that didn't happen. That's just history though. You know, I mean, you didn't do it. Well, look at her parents. I mean, it's like, yeah, that didn't happen. Maybe they wouldn't have come together.

Who knows? Yeah. Who knows? Yeah. I see a lot of it's, I saw- Interesting fucking mom and dad, German and Jew. German and, but that's probably more common than you think. No, I don't think so. I bet it is. I think it was, yeah. I think Jews have a thing, they kind of-

No, I think there's a lot, there was a lot. My dad wanted to marry a Shiksa. Like he was out to marry, he did not want to marry like your stereotypical Jewish woman. He didn't like that vibe. So my mom was like the opposite. She was like beautiful and German and sweet and not loud. Pretty much the opposite of me as well, but she was very non-Jewish.

She wouldn't have told on Anne Frank, you don't think? She would have hit her. She would have hit her, yes, for sure. She would have hit Anne Frank, for sure. So you got a Schindler, you got a Schindler mom. Yeah, Schindler's fist, I mean, list. I like that. My dad was, I mean, my dad always told my brothers,

always marry a shiksa, because he just didn't like that Jewish female energy. Right, because they- They can be very overpowerful. Yeah, they psychologically clip you, the Jewish mothers. They're very, it's a very matriarchal My mom her best friend was Jewish in law school and her husband her my mom's friend's husband was one of the biggest Defense lawyers in New York and the way this woman would talk to him at like parties I mean this guy was hanging out with like drug dealers and criminals and getting them off and then his wife would just be like

drug dealers and criminals and getting them off and then his wife would just be like you slap food out of it you're fat she would fucking yeah imagine what they like it but they love us like that they like to get their nuts stepped on a little bit I think yeah like some of the guys we know on the big comedy clubs here they like to get their nuts stepped on yeah you know mostly Jewish Jewish guys like to get that it's a thing for them yeah Jewish men. They love women just stomp on their knees. Stomp on them a little bit. They do like that. Yeah, but that's okay.

Yeah, they're big time into it. Yeah, what are you gonna do? But the Jews are good people. Sure. We love the Jews. Sure. Yeah. Have you been on X recently?

I don't really go on there. You shouldn't go on there. No. You shouldn't go on there. There's a video, I mean people talk about Kanye, but there's a video that I saw the other day where I was like, oh this is getting interesting now, where people are, I saw this whole like four minute video of some podcast, I forgot what it was, where they are actually

saying now that Hitler, and it's getting like a lot of like retweets and like people in the comments, I was like, okay, this is getting wild. They're saying like Hitler was actually misunderstood, that he, that it's all the media making it seem worse than it actually was. Why is it, why is, why is Hitler the worst person in history when there's all these other examples of like genocide and I'm like, uh-oh, it's Spaghetti-O. Yeah. That's not good.

X is getting bad. Yeah. It's getting bad now. But we do have Kanye and you have to appreciate Kanye because Kanye is a black Nazi Which sure it makes a joke out of the whole thing and in some way you're a very progressive person Do you think that's very progressive that the Nazis are like is he like the Jackie Robinson of Nazis like no I think Kanye is just borderline and bipolar and you know his is filled with hate I don't I don't think that he's progressive, no. I think he's regressive.

I think he's remedial, regressive, and troubled. But doesn't it say something about our freedom that a young black boy from Chicago can grow up to be the most famous racist in the world? Isn't that like America, you can do anything? Well, I mean, I think you can, yeah, possibly. I mean, you raise a good point, but I think because of his success, yes.

He has been given a bigger allowance than most people right like if he were nobody he couldn't get away with that so it comes with power and money yeah the right to exploit other people right right I think so yeah yeah Kanye's off his rocker that's what you think his girlfriend was at the Chateau Marmont one or his wife wife or whatever she was, the last one that he just divorced. I was at the Chateau once and he was there with her. And she was walking around with her pussy out and the manager of the Chateau came up with a napkin

and asked her if she could please put her pussy on a napkin instead of the sofa. So I saw that. Yeah, she's kind of walking around like it's the Garden of Eden. Because you can't just walk around and have your dick or pussy out in the furnace. No. You can't not. No. No, you can't do that. No, you can't. Yeah. That's not good. That's the thing. That's not feminism. Yeah. Now, she's got to be mentally ill a little bit as well. Yeah. Well, I think she just divorced him. Right. That's what they're saying. She

filed for divorce. Right. That's what they're saying. They do have a fun relationship. It's like they probably look at each other and they're like, you want to- I don's what they're saying filed for divorce. Right. That's what they're saying. You have a fun relationship It's like they probably look at each other like I don't think they're having fun I think that's pretty miserable, but do you think they look at each other's like let's go off our meds Let's fucking let's go. I think he's probably on the meds Yeah, she's probably just along for the ride and it's like hey, I want to cash out you think so I want some cash and I don't think they have a prenup. So I think she's gonna achieve great. I will hope she does I hope she does. Yeah, I mean a they have a prenup, so I think she's going to achieve that. Great. I hope she does.

I hope she does. Who is she? I mean, a sign that she's sane is that she left him. You know what I mean? Do you think... Or that she's on her meds. Right. Do you think, like, you got, you know, obviously, like, famous and all that and hit the high

parts of this career. Like, you've been in and out of this for 20 plus years. Do you think if you were like say 25 today, you would be like excelling to try to be famous in comedy? Like in, you know what I mean? Like it feels like being famous now, like what's the point? Like your whole life gets torn apart, but you already were famous. So it's like you, my point is like, you got famous at the right time where it's like, now you're just here, but now it's like, I don't know who would strive. Like I don't want to get any levels higher.

I'm happy with what we have here with our pod. I'm like why do I want to do this? You know what I mean? I mean some people it's never enough though. People are insatiable. Like some people want fame and they want it more and more and more and more and the more you get the more you need. So it's basically just like you know whatever kind of brain you're dealing with.

Are you going to be satisfied with a certain amount of money and fame and notoriety or are you not? So there's still people who are dying. I mean, look how many famous people we have. We have more famous people now than we've ever had in our lives because of social media. So all these influencers, you know, there's different types of fame now.

How do you look at it? Like, do you wanna have more fame, less fame? You happy where you are? I mean, I'm pretty happy with my life. I like success. I like the idea that, I mean, I like getting into restaurants and getting into doctors and getting the advantages, but I also like the fact that I walk down the street

like a normal person. I'm not walking around with a bunch of security guards, so I kind of have the best of both worlds. You're at a good level. I get the advantages and I get my anonymity when I want it. I get privacy when I want it. Yeah, that's the best of both worlds. You're at a good level. I get the advantages and I get my anonymity when I want it. I get privacy when I want it. Yeah, that's the best. Yeah.

It's not like J.Lo walking down the street where you're fucking getting photographed everywhere you go. Right. Yeah. That is tough. Yeah. I mean, like Brad Pitt can't even go outside. Right.

Anywhere in the world, everyone knows who, that's gotta be tough. That would be annoying. That's gotta be. But you're still like an A-list. Like, people know you, everyone knows your name. And, you know. But I think there's a certain, like, you either behave in a way, like,

Daniel Day-Lewis is a huge star, nobody would notice him walking down the street. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, sure. There's a certain level, like, there's a certain way to handle fame where you draw that attention in. If you're constantly going to things

and getting photographed, then you're feeding the sum beast. If you're not like that, you know, I'm getting photographed when I'm promoting something. I'm not getting photographed in my personal life. I'm not going to those places. I don't- Like you're the person that you could be sold out

when you're on your standup tour, sold out in your theater, and you can walk down the street and only your fans would know you and really everybody else would be like, oh, this is another lady walking. Yeah, yeah. I love that, that's great.

Yeah, I like that. Yeah, I like that. I mean, in some ways, you know, I like that. I like that. I mean, in some ways, you know, I guess that's what the podcast community gets, but it would have been nice to hit it fucking 15 years ago and get, you know, fucking 20, 30-ish million. Yeah, it's the money that's good.

You seem very comfortable in your skin. I think it's great. She's very comfortable. Thank you. Yeah, you seem like, and you look like you sleep well. I do. Let's go shoot our skin down with gold balm lotion. Gold balm lotion, I use that. That's what it is. I use that to lubricate my body parts before I go to sleep. So I don't even actually touch a pillow. There's a gold bond all over it

Yeah, yeah, that's why my skin is so fresh money is good for that for the face creams and all that money is helpful to Maintain a good look. Yes, that is very helpful But you would be a hottie with a body with or without money you take good care of yourself They're healthy you'd be you'd be you'd be hwb. Thank. I appreciate that. No problem. Oh, look at this. Look at her. She's going all over Europe. Oh yeah. I'm going to Europe. I'm going on tour to Europe. Oh yeah. That's gonna be fucking sick. I know. I can't fucking wait. Be prepared in Scandinavia for a lot of claps. They love to clap. Do they? Yeah. Really? They're very robotic and they clap a lot. Oh, I didn't know that. Is that what you experienced? I toured there a lot. Oh, I didn't know that. Was that what you experienced?

I toured there a lot. And yeah, laughing is like a challenge for them. They do laugh, but they'll give you applause. Oh, okay. Yeah, they like to applaud. Like good. Good day. No Frills delivers.

Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC optimum points on your first five orders. Shop now at NoFrails.ca. A frequent flyer on Instagram says they're only selling one area of the theater in Barcelona. It makes absolutely no sense and it's driving me crazy. I even spoke to the promoter and they've been zero. Please sort this out. So what the fuck is going on in Barcelona? PR

is going to handle it. Paul from Lebanon. Paul's here from Lebanon. Everybody, everyone should know that Paul's here. Paul's safely in the United States. We would not be safe from Lebanon. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Do you think, you're a big friend to the gays. The gays love you. Gays love us. Do you think the gays should have their own country? Gays love us. Do you think the gays should have their own country? Wouldn't that be great? Well, I mean, it would be better just for us all to mix. I don't think they need... But also like they're just... No, they can mix too. Like I'm not saying, but like... Because that worked out so well with Israel, you mean? Make a gay Israel.

Well, yeah. I mean, well, if Israel would have just taken the deal for Greenland at that time, maybe we wouldn't be in... But God put them there. But I'm just well, if Israel would have just taken the deal for Greenland at that time, maybe we wouldn't be in but God may put them there, but I'm just saying if there was also a gay not saying put them there I'm not saying there is a gay eye. It's called fire. I know you thought that's true. That's a good Yeah, you want them to have a bigger I just want a bigger island with like an airline I think the airline would be fun. You'd get on there. There'd be like a drag. I'm a little a little bit Yeah, I'm a little. Yeah, I think that being gay is- I got nicked, my brother's gay, I mean, I got nicked.

But you know what too, you know what's interesting about, like we talk so much about gay, straight, this, that, labels now, but like, you know, we love history so much, we talk about history on this podcast, you go back in history, labeling this is like a new thing. Like 300 years ago, nobody cared. You could just be with a guy or a woman or not. I don't know about 300 years ago.

Yeah, no, in the president before Lincoln, James Buchanan, he was openly gay. Like the people were going against him, his enemies didn't even bring that up when they would try to smear him, because they were like, the public wouldn't care if he likes guys or not. It really, ancient Greek, the ancient Greeks always have each other now for sure like this obsession with like are you like who cares?

I honestly politicize. I'm hoping my kids stupid. Yeah, it's very stupid. Yeah I'm hoping my kids grow up and like that nobody fucking cares that their dad's gay Yeah, I want I'm actively trying to raise one of my daughters as lesbian. Yes. I'm actively trying. I don't know if that- My free world's pro-Palestine, I've seen this show. That's usually how it works is if you raise them to be gay, then they'll turn out gay. It doesn't really work that way, does it?

No. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. No, we'll see what- It's got to be a choice because if I like women, then in order to like a guy, it's got to be in there, right? You've got to like the hair. I don't like the hair, like I don't like hair. Right.

I don't like looking at hairy hair. Here's the thing with you, you know what I mean? But he does, so that's a choice. It's a choice. No, no, it's not a choice. I mean, no, you're saying it's in there. But here's the thing with you though, but it's a spectrum because it's like,

you do like women, of course, you know, you have a wife and all that, but then the most success you've had in your career is you dress up like a woman. Yeah, I did. His famous character is Morisa. Morisa, that's it. Great, that's it.

I did a viral character, she was a trans woman. It was before people were upset about comedy and it got very big, with the gays. The biggest with the gays. They still do her at drag shows. Yes, and so that's where you feel comfy-wumpy in that, so there is a line with you. There is a thing with you, like you're,

you know what I mean? Like you like women, but I don't know if the people of antiquity would be like, you're a straight guy. Well, Andrew, Alexander the Great was, everything was for the table with him, and he was a tough guy, but he liked eunuchs, he liked men, he liked women.

Is that what you're saying about yourself, that you like eunuchs? If I was born in that era, I wouldn't. You'd be down to party. I would be down to party. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I'd think so. Yeah, I mean, not eunuchs. I think that's morally I'd be opposed to that. Cut the balls off. I thought a eunuch has no penis. No balls. No, it's just the balls. Because the eunuchs, what they would do is in history is they felt we could trust you. If I'm the king, I got a eunuch watching my harem of women, and's not gonna try to bang any of them Because we clipped his nuts So he doesn't have a sex drive and you can only trust people when you remove their sex drive that that was the thought back Then the sex is what makes everybody untrustworthy But if you clip their nuts there, I didn't figure out a way to clip women

They don't know how to get rid of a woman's sex drive. So they just want to let them talk or do anything Litterectomies to girls in Africa, so they figured that out. Shout it out. That's not good either. We're opposed to that as well. No, we are definitely opposed to that. We're very opposed to that. We don't like that at all.

We're on the right side of history. Yeah, I'm on the right side of history on that. You do not. Free the clits. Yeah, don't do that. That's bad. Yep. This is the type of gay I am.

If a guy can fully achieve looking like a girl, I'm fooled. But the more you look like a girl, the more I'm into it. Does that make me gay? I think so. Okay. I think so. Okay. So that's okay though, I mean, I feel like you've already

are self-possessed in your gayness on the spectrum of gayness and you are aware of it, he's aware of it, and it's out there and all the listeners are aware of it. They know. Well, they know, they're fans. I mean, we can't all just be finding out right now, right? now. No, no, no, no, no. No, we've been doing this for years. We've been in the works. Yeah, sure. I mean yeah, like I'm not saying no. I'm not saying no. Well there's a lot of hot trans people. They really are

hot. So I can understand that. I mean that's the whole point. They become a female and then you become attracted to them. Well we we did we but that makes me gay well That little bit make you gay now. No, but young member years ago. This is like five years ago We did an episode of this pod and we found a neuroscientist talking about how if you're just talking about Excitability in the brain just the neurons firing sexual parts of the brain firing in a man in a straight males brain the number one highest energy will be male's brain the number one highest energy will be big dick and big boobs so theoretically a trans person with big fake boobs and a huge natural dick that's what's gonna get a straight man the most excited well I believe that

that's what I'm saying believe see yeah yeah yeah a huge not a nanny dick yeah yeah I don't think they don, they don't have dick, you can't adjust your dick, I don't think. You can fake a dick, I mean, when people go trans the other way. Billy, um, um, Elliot Page got a fake piece. No, they don't make fake pieces. Billy Elliot Page.

Sorry, Billy Elliot Page, yeah. No, they don't make fake pieces yet. You can't get a fake piece. She has a fake piece, right? Yeah, they have fake penises. 100%. Yeah, how do you think you transition? Exactly. Well, what do they do? They people show it on a large man's hundred percent

It's just not as common as breast augmentation. You can get a penile enlargement. There it is. Oh you get a fake piece. Oh Yeah, there you go You know what you know, what's you know, what's great about this episode. We almost didn't get demonetized. Yeah right now. Yeah, I didn't know Wow, I didn't know about theized. Yeah. That's all right now. Yeah. I didn't know that. Wow. Wow. I didn't know about the Rod. Yeah. That's very interesting. That makes sense though. I love Paul coming in with, you know what I mean? Paul knows his shit. Yeah. There's also a great gay scene in Lebanon for the rest of the year. There is. Oh, shout out. Sorry about that. The 40% Christian, you know, holds it down enough. Shout out the gay scene in Lebanon. You just avoid the border areas and things are okay. Okay, so where, it's, okay yeah. So shout out the gay scene in Lebanon avoid the border areas and things are okay okay so wait it's okay yeah so shout out the gays of Lebanon sorry we didn't know that the Muzzy's

not so not so open about it yeah double yeah that's what I've heard yeah I've heard it's a little bit more down low yes do you think in some way a press do you think in some way the religion is almost worth it for how hot it makes it you know I mean the religion like the way how repressive the religion is almost worth it for how hot it makes it. You know what I mean? The religion? Like, the way how repressive religion is is almost worth how hot it makes the encounter, you know, because it's so forbidden. Like, the first time I got a hand job was from a Catholic girl on a rock in Prospect

Park. And I just felt because she was Catholic and, like, it was just a lot of guilt. I just loved it. I think she loved it. I almost think it's worth it. It's really depends what you're into. Some people are really into some sick shit, you know, not that that's sick. But some people are into like, you know, family porn, like I had a friend who would only masturbate to porn that was within families where the brothers

hooking up with the mother and sisters hooking up with the father. Was he Somalian? No, he was not Somalian. I don't have a lot of Somalian friends. But yeah, and I thought, oh, that's really, and I'm like, have you ever been with anyone in your family? And she's like, absolutely not, but it's so verboten that it's a turn on. So I can understand where you're coming from.

I don't go that far. That's a little crazy. Is it? Yeah, because that's like incest. That's like against nature. Well, yeah, but I don't think it's an act of incest. It's so forbidden that you can't do it. Right.

So you'd like to fantasize about it. Yeah, if you keep it up. I had a friend I went to high school with and he actually got, they made a whole documentary about him. They called him the Cannibal Cop because he- Oh, that guy. That guy. That guy was in my home room in high school.

Oh, you know that guy? You know the Cannibal Cop? No. That's interesting. Okay, so the in high school. Oh, you know that guy? You know the cannibal cop? No. It's interesting. Okay, so the cannibal cop, it's an interesting story. He had fantasies about eating women. That's what would turn him on.

The problem is he was an NYPD officer, so he was using his NYPD database to like find out where you live and like not ever physically touch you, but like go outside your house and like jerk off with like ropes and shovels and shit. Oh yeah, like this guy.

So like, so he, so I would go. So anyway, he got 20, he got life in prison, like legitimate life. Like you know, I remember like when the text hit the group chat blew up one day was like, yo dude, this kid that we went to high school with is going down. He got seven years. No, no, he didn't. That's not him. Oh, this is another cannibal cop? No school with is going down. He got seven years. No, no, he didn't. That's not him. Oh, this is another cannibal cop?

No, this is a defendant. I don't know who this guy is. But anyway, this guy, he was in prison for 20, they threw the book at him and then he got out like three months later because his defense team was able to prove, like we're just talking about that, he was only in his mind. He was never going to do it. Just like you say incest porn, you're never going to bang a family member. He was saying he was never gonna do it It was just a type of porn for him a type of way to get him on

Something wrong. I mean that's still stalking and yes, I know he got he lost his NYP He's got fired from the job got thrown. Yes. He got in trouble for other things But not they basically put him in jail as if he did eat and kill these women But he didn't he was like no, I'm just jerking off with a rope around my neck too. I got the idea of it. Right which is like you know so it was this interesting thing. Interesting. You know I also too speaking of the the religion thing I had a family member who did real time in prison like 25-30 years and he said that what he would do he was trans and he said what he would do is he would. She. She. She. Sorry. Well he's he's son doesn't give a fuck though. He was like I was born a guy, he was trans, and he said what he would do is, he would, she, she, she, sorry, she.

He said he doesn't give a fuck though. He was like, I was born a guy, so he was like, I became a woman, but, but it's, I'm saying, but, all right, so whatever, generally, but she, she doesn't give a fuck. She was like, she was like, call me a guy, call me a girl, I don't give a fuck. Well, call me they.

She doesn't even care about that. She was like, whatever you wanna do, Poppy. I was like, all right. So, so, but anyway, she said what she would do is she would purposely just to like survive in prison is find the leader, like basically seduce any leader if she would get transferred to prison, transfer prisons of the Muslim gangs. She would do that because she knew if I got had sex with them all under, you know, like nobody knows about it in the showers or whatever, I had so much power over them because if I came out

and told everyone so and so is fucked, I fucked them and I have proof for however, whatever, she was like, so that's how I own the prisons, is I would use that because especially the Muslim guys, they could never in a million years, you know, come out clean with that, because the Muslim guys in prison don't fuck each other. That's like the thing.

She was like, I was fucking all of them. And I had power over all of them. And that's why I was able to stay safe in these notoriously violent prisons. And did she ever did she have to ever come forward and tell everybody she said she came very, very close once. She came very, very close once, but she actually never did. You know, they were having sex with a trans. Sure.

Oh, yeah. She said it was interesting. She was like, when I went into prison, whatever it was in the 90s. actually never did. And did they know they were having sex with a transgender woman? Sure. Oh yeah. She said it was interesting. She was like, when I went into prison, whatever it was in the 90s, she, well that, but she was like, I was the only trans person in the whole jail. She was like, and then by the time I got out, there was like a whole wing of trans people. She was like, so it was interesting how it like all changed in 30 years, but she was like for a while.

So she was a man at the time. She was, she was. She was having sex with the other men. Right, they put her, because back then, there was no trans section of the jail. She was a man, but wanted to be a woman. She never cut her dick and balls off, but she was like a woman. She had like taking estrogen therapy,

everything, tits, all that. And so she was like, I would just use my, that's how I would stay safe, is I'd be fuck these guys and be like, hey, you wanna kill me, really? Well, I'm gonna tell everyone that I blew you in the shower yesterday at six. That's the power of the ass pussy.

That's what it is? Yeah. I mean. It's very interesting. It is, in jail, I think that's the most powerful thing, probably, the ass pussy. Ass pussy. And in the world, the pussy.

Yeah. It really, do you think? The power of the pussy. The power of the pussy. Women really do hold the keys, right? Yeah, women are powerful because of their pussies, for sure. For sure, right?

More power than any CEO can have. More pussy. Yeah, big time. Yeah. Yeah, do you think women need to get in touch with how powerful they are? I think we're getting in touch with how powerful we are. I think women are now getting the message

that like, you know, sisterhood and empowering each other is the way instead of kind of like zero sum gaming it and being jealous of other women. I think women now are coming together and understanding, okay, if we stick together, we're stronger. So when he was complimenting Nikki Glaser all those times,

there was nothing in you that was going, fuck that bitch? No. Okay, good. Just checking, making sure. I support womening Nikki Glaser all those times, there was nothing in you that was going fuck that bitch? No. Okay, good. Just checking, making sure. I support women and Nikki Glaser always. Absolutely. And that's what women need to do more. Like a lot of strata kind of shit.

Yes, it's that kind of attitude that is, yeah, that's what separates us. Do you guys, do you think you should unify the pussy? Like do like a- Make one big pussy? Just like- Oh, that'd be so awesome. Like a pussy union where you're going like,

we're gonna start controlling shit And if there's any like picket line cross and put like you say we're not gonna sleep with these men if they do wrong things We're gonna like that last strata thing. We're gonna take it Yeah, no more pussy for the evil man And if there's a picket a scab pussy you beat that pussy with bats a scab pussy like a picket line crossing pussy Oh, right. Yeah, is that called the scab? Yeah. Yeah a scab pussy like a picket line crossing pussy oh right isn't that called the scab yeah yeah a scab pussy she comes in like with her horror ways and she's gonna fuck that evil guy and then Chelsea Handler who's the fucking president of the Union your fucking Staten Island fucking

president fucking a time you come with your fucking paddles yeah and you beat the shit out of that picket line cross yes and then that's how we save the world do you think that that needs to come to the forefront of the female consciousness? I think it just did. I mean, I think you just brought it there. I'm a feminist hero. You are.

That's exactly what I wanted to describe to you. This is the history of hyenas. It's a matriarchy. Dude, throw the wig on. Throw the Marisa wig on and say that. I'm going to say that again, that's right. We, this is the history of hyenas. It's a matriarchy.

Do you know that hyenas have pseudo penises and the women are bigger than the men and they beat the shit out of the men? We can learn a lot. That's just fucking wild. You should learn about hyenas if you want to. If you want to learn about hyenas, they're really unattractive animals. Well, they're unattractive. Don't say that.

You see they're women. But they're a matriarchal society and they've unified their pussies even though they have pseudo-penises. They give birth through a penis, the female hyena, but they have unified their pseudo penises and they're a matriarchal dominated society. I've seen them on safari. I didn't know that they were. I never learned that though on safari. So maybe you guys should run a safari if you have so much to teach. We really should. You have so much knowledge to draw. That'd be sick. Especially about hyenas. Yes. Yeah. We know a lot about them. They take their food, they eat their

own puke, they eat the bone, they have the strongest bite. Yeah. They're wild. But what's fascinating about them is the women run things. The women do run, they're bigger than the men, they bully the men, and they also have like penises, but they're not functional. A lot of animals have matriarchal societies.

Elephants, you know, lions are matriarchal society. They get rid of the men, the men leave. I wouldn't call lions matriarchal society, they get rid of the men, the men leave. They- I wouldn't call lions matriarchal. Well, they leave the, what is it called? The pack, not the pack, or den, the lions. The men leave- Pride, the pride.

Pride, sorry, thank you. The men leave and then they come back for fucking. Yeah, right. You know, and the women go out and hunt. The men don't hunt. That's true. They lie there. But that's kind of pimpy in a way.

It's kind of like I'm a big lion, yeah, go get my food. They're tired and lazy. Yeah, right. They are tired and lazy those lions. Yeah. So lions, when they mate with a woman, when they mate with a female line, they go in at, you know, it's like a gang bang. The headline goes in first, but he has to get permission. He'll sit there and flirt and circle around her, but they don't rape each other. Right. They wait for the woman to submit, and then when he's done and he thinks he's dropped a sperm in her, then the second lion comes in and goes in too. So a female lion can get pregnant with two different father's babies. Did you know that?

No, and give birth to two different babies. That's pretty sick. That's why the male lions sometimes eat the young because they know it's not theirs. Oh, interesting. Fucking lions are picky. Zebras do that too. I saw a video of a zebra. I think it was on one of those nature is mental Instagram, I believe.

This female zebra is giving birth. And as the baby's coming out of the birth canal, the male zebra is stomping the baby's head to death. The baby died, maybe lived 10 seconds, just kissed. And then immediately turns the female around, starts having sex with the female because what had happened was is the female zebra got impregnated, you know, whatever, 10 months. Then that zebra got killed.

Then this new zebra comes and is the leader and that was the top zebra. So you just waited for her to give birth and then killed it immediately and immediately had sex with it. And that's, that's nature. Yeah. I don't want to get fucked by a zebra. Right. Definitely not.

I saw a hippo rape in Africa. Did you call the cops? No, I didn't. There are no cops to call, obviously. There are only rangers. But the hippos was underwater, like at a 45 degree angle, and her big fat ass was out of the water and she was getting pummeled by her brother or cousin, who knows who this guy was.

And when we came on the scene, we were on the Mara River. And I remember going, what is happening? And then we realized what is happening. You know, she was getting, it was sex. Sure, unauthorized touching. Unauthorized, but she had her head underwater, because hippos can hold their head, you know, hold their head for like seven or eight minutes.

So she was getting fucked underwater with her head underwater. Like, could you think of a more upsetting situation? You know what I mean? Having to hold your breath while you're getting penetrated. And then when he was done with her, another hippo came up and did it to her underwater. So the whole time, you don't even see her face. Yeah. Horrible. Yeah. There's some fucked up shit going on in nature. We really got a... The Me Too movement has to hit the hippo community. That's not cool.

It's coming. That is not cool. All right. Well listen, get this book. Get the book, you motherfucker. And the special's coming out. The special's called The Feeling. Yes. And it comes out on Netflix on March 25th. Yeah. Yes. I look forward to seeing it. 100%. Do you want to watch it together? Do you want to do like a watch party? I would actually. I want to start doing that on the Patreon. I I was gonna bring that up to you after Chelsea left. It's like we gotta start doing watchalongs. I think that's what the fans want. Yeah, well let's do it.

Let's do it for Chelsea special. Let's do it. Let's watch it. March 25th on the Patreon. We'll watch it. I'm sure it's great. You're a legend, you're hysterical. Yeah.

You're a bestselling author. You write it yourself. Seven times. You've made a lot of people famous with Chelsea Laley and then their fame, it didn't hold on like yours. Yeah. That's just how it goes. Yeah.

All right, Chelsea Hanley everyone. Thanks boys. Thank you. Thank you.