History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Coachella, Lady Gaga, and Ancient music festivals revealed

Episode Date: April 17, 2025

Chris & Yannis take you from the very first music festival all the way to today’s Coachella. Did you know music festivals have always been a thing? Then they unmask the real Lady Gaga — the Italian girl from NYC behind the persona — and break down her dad’s reaction. Finally, it’s a dose of Steel Pipe Chrissy to close out a classic episode. Support our sponsors Start your free online visit today at https://Hims.com/HYENAS. Learn more about Lightstrike at https://Drinklightstrike.com or follow on TikTok and Instagram @drinklightstrike. OpenPhone: Streamline and scale your customer communications with OpenPhone. Get 20% off your first 6 months at https://www.OpenPhone.com/hyenas. #comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://teespring.com/stores/historyhyenas Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No Frills delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC Optimum Points on your first five orders. Shop now at nofrills.ca. What's up everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I am Chris DiStefano, aka Chrissy Coachella. With me as always, Janis Papas, aka Yanni Yogurtz. Yes, I'm Yanni Yogurt. I'm Yanni. Again, we're gonna tell you about the history of music festivals, and of course,

it all started with the Greeks. And so just know that you gotta pay homage to the original people, the Hellenics. The Hellenics, a lot of you people- We gave you everything. Everything. A lot of you people probably think that music festivals started very recently,

and you're wrong. OK, we got a banger of an episode for you today, and we're going to tell you where music festivals started, where they've went, where they're going, and what's all going to happen. And we are coming to you live from the History of Hanging News Studio, which is about 3,500 miles away from where Coachella currently is.

And that's a good thing, not a bad thing. Yeah, you don't want to be anywhere near it. I don't want to be anywhere near it. It ain't for me, babe. It ain't for me. I didn't know really what it was. Okay, what do you mean? That's why I know I'm getting old where I just I've just been hearing Coachella every year and I just I thought it was like a woman's fashion brand. Yeah, well the thing is the good news for me is that my

47 year old man and he's currently at Coachella so it's a good thing he was let go. The thing is, the good news for me is that my, it's a 47 year old man and he's currently at Coachella. So it's a good thing he was let go. Cause if I had to give, he's at Coachella right now, I wouldn't be happy camper right now. But I'm pretty happy right now because I've let that go. What I've learned through therapy is just, sometimes you gotta let things go.

You have to unburden yourself. You gotta unburden yourself. And if I'm, he's at Coachella and you're 50, You have to unburden yourself. You gotta unburden yourself. And if I'm, he's at Coachella and you're 50, I have to unburden that. That's what it is. He's a good friend, but I had to let it go. Just can't have it. We're living different lives, pal.

Yeah, it's just, it's just, you got a life that's at Coachella and you got a life where you're just on Zillow. Yeah, cause here's the thing. I have burdens at home and most of them originated in San Juan. So, and that's why Coachella is not going to work for me. I'm happy for the people who are there right now, who enjoy it and I'm very excited to talk through the history of this all, but it is not for me. me Now, I want to say something before we get into the history of music festivals and Coachella.

You're going to learn everything you need to know about music festivals, where they came from and Coachella, but I do want to just quickly, very, very quickly say that Yannis and I are now doing a new bit over at patreon.com slash history hyenas. We're doing skits. It's a new skit at patreon.com slash history hyenas. It's called Snowstorm. And what we've done is we're doing a podcast from under the covers because Yannis would

play a game with his daughter where to help curb her anxiety, she would be worried about the snow and storms we'd hide under the covers. And then we check to see if there's snowstormstorm So what we've done is we talked about anxiety if you have any anxiety issues if you have anything that's bothering you what you Need to do is go to patreon.com slash history And is submit your anxiety claim and we will discuss your problem under the covers under the covers where you're always safe because there's a snowstorm Outside, but when you go under the covers, you're safe from the snowstorm The only thing you're not safe from under the covers is a fart. Right. That's what it is. So when me and Chris,

we just did our first episode of snowstorm and a Dutch oven a little bit. And that's the thing. It's sort of Russian roulette. Am I going to Dutch oven him or is he going to Dutch oven me? And I won. Yeah. And I want to differentiate this snowstorm. This is a snowstorm about anxiety show about anxiety. This is not what we said black people call gentrification. Yeah. That's another kind this snowstorm. This is a snowstorm about anxiety show about anxiety. This is not what we said black people call gentrification. That's another kind of snowstorm when black people see loads of white people

coming to their neighborhood, they call it a snowstorm. They say, yo, we about to get a snowstorm. That's right. That's right. Also, we got our first lot of 14 audio podcasts is coming. That's up there. Those will be monthly.

You're gonna be hearing from Sean Terry and Patrick Mulrooney up there. Those will be monthly you're gonna be hearing from Sean Terry and Patrick Mulrooney up there audio only audio only because they just do audio podcasts and Of course your weekly bonus episodes and you get the main episode a day early uncackled You know, it's just you know, you just don't be a fucking rat. That's what it is Yeah, just listen to it. Enjoy it. Don't be a fucking rat. That's what it is. Yeah, just listen to it, enjoy it, don't be a fucking rat. Right. Because our fans will get mad at you if you're a fucking rat.

Right. The content on Patreon is for Patreon only. Yes, it's what it is. It's for matriarchy. No men allowed! No! It's a women's community! Yes!

Now, here's the thing. When do you think, Yanni, close your eyes, when do you think, if you had to take a guess you want to see, when was the first ever music festival held? The first music festival held? When do you think? I'm gonna go with before Jesus. Yeah, as a matter of fact, a long time before Jesus, we're going all the way back to 2600 B.C.

Yeah. 2600 B.C.E. and it was actually called the Festival of the Drunkenness and it was in ancient Egypt and that was the actual name. They did it before the Greeks? They did it before the Greeks, the ancient Egyptians, because here's the thing. I apologize. Yeah, the thing that- To my Nubian queens.

Yeah, because that's the thing. That's the thing is sometimes, even though the Greeks are very, very good, one thing they can't stop and most people can't stop is a little thing we call a sandstorm. Yeah. And the ancient Egyptians just came, they came with a sandstorm of ideas. Yeah. And they're able to just figure things out. And they just kind of, this festival of drunkenness was kind of like Coachella, but if the wristbands were made out of papyrus. Yeah, actually this probably the Coachella now looks a lot like the Egyptian festival used to look because they kind of wear wild outfits. No? Or am I confusing that with Burning Man?

You're confusing things with Burning Man. You're confusing things with Burning Man. And in the beginning of the episode, you did say we're going to talk about Coachella again, and this is the first time we talk about it. So Yanni Sundowns is back, and hello, how are you? How you doing? Hello, hello, Sundown, my old friend.

Yes, Yanni is Drew Barrymore from 51st Dates. He just always forgets. I just- He forgot we had a four year fight and he just brought the show back. You know what it is about Lady Gaga now that she's up- She's got a fat ass. She's got a fat ass and also she seems very approachable

because she just looks like a girl named Janine who went to Midwood from Brooklyn. She does not look like a celebrity. If you just saw her in a fucking bodega yeah I'd be how you do it you just go hi I'm Marie how come you don't call me no yeah yeah lady doesn't look like a celebrity lady an Italian girl from Long Island Lady Gaga looks like an Italian girl Lady Gaga looks like a high school teacher yeah from a hot park yeah just had a secret relationship with a 17 year old but she did it 20 years ago before techs were around so she's safe

Yeah, but she did bang out a few 17 year old kids on the football team But nobody's gonna know because she's in her 50s now And there's no proof anymore these girls these young teachers keep getting caught up because of the tax and they're always hot They're always fucking smoke shows smoke Absolute smoke shows and they and and they're and there's a new one now a new 30 year old teacher from Chicago is an absolute piece Who banged out a 16 year old kid and let's just be honest. I understand that there's two ways to go about this But let's just be honest. It's the same story over and over and over again The 16 year old boy never really cares

He just gets caught by his mom because his mom logs into the father's computer trying to catch the dad cheating But instead she seems to text between her son and the hot teacher and she looks in the mirror and she says, you know what? I'm a fat pig. So now I'm going to the police. It's just am I right? No, you're not right. You know, it's always a mom who's got a short haircut with neck fat. Yeah. Who's just sitting there and she's upset because her husband doesn't want to bang her anymore. Just stop cock blocking your son from getting a little fucking educational puss.

Yeah. What is more motivating and who is a better teacher than someone who's willing to give the goddamn student pussy if he does good in his test? Yeah, and I gotta be honest with you. Because that's what motivates you. That teacher is actually preparing him for the world. Because listen, if there wasn't pussy at the end of the fucking rainbow, yeah, we wouldn't be doing what we do it anyway and i gotta be honest with you at this music festival in 2600 bc in ancient egypt the very first one there were definitely now 40 old women it's just

what it was and there were also 40 it's s o k s yeah it's not okay it's not okay there was no rules back then and you really couldn't you really couldn't get Arrested or in trouble for doing the things that you get in trouble and arrested for today Yeah, because when you were in Egypt, they just had bigger problems. They had bigger bigger problems They had like okay when our when are the other civilizations gonna come kill us or have we sacrificed a virgin to? Yes, sorrow God right to make sure that we have the right harvest? They were thinking about harvests and things like that. But guess what?

Now we're creeping back into that mindset because we're worried about our harvest. It's just right now our harvest is factories in China. Yeah. So we don't have to worry about the Nile River drying up. We got to worry about the... Yeah. Yeah, we got...

Not going to work. Yeah, we got... Yeah. Yeah. Just cackle at. The problem is with this little Tower of Four, the problem is with this little Tower of Four we got going on right now is China's now threatened to stop making medical equipment that we desperately need. Yeah.

So if that happens, we're gonna have to just do a little thing we call a backup. We're gonna have to back off the tariffs a little bit and we're gonna have to kind of suck that Chinese dong. Yeah. Because we need to... My father's not gonna be able to live if it's they're not making his medical equipment in China if those if those Eastern hemis stop making compression socks my dad's gonna die and I know those puppies are

made in China yeah look we joke around and everything like that but just we're not gonna be able to keep ourselves healthy fully with oregano pills it's just not gonna cut it we need the medical equipment from China so yeah I mean that's our Nile River right now. Yeah, we don't have to worry about fucking uh, uh Dust balls and droughts. We got to worry about Tariffs tariffs now. Here's the thing cuz now can you put her name back up there just for one second before you continue? Oh, because I had no idea that did that what her real name was and she actually is just a fucking full-blown That did that what her real name was and she actually is just a fucking full-blown sauce monkey from New York Let's read out Lady Gaga's real name. I'm gonna do it as an Italian Yeah, okay, cuz Lady Gaga's actual name and I used to go with her

I actually went with her at Midwood High School in the 90s Yeah, and I used to go and I used to go with her Yeah, her name and her friends used to say she was a slut who belonged in the sewer Right because the name was Stephanie Joanne Angelina Germinala. Stephanie Joanne Angelina Germinala and she's a girl from Brooklyn. Yeah, if that name doesn't come with a pepper chini, I don't know what doesn't. Yeah. I mean, because when she was born, you think the doctors put a pepper chini on the side of the fucking bed?

Yeah, I think those are two nipples, a little pepper cheney nipples. Because she's a sauce monkey big. Bad, bad, bad. Now we're talking about her because she is the current headliner of the first weekend of Coachella, Ella. And she's a goddess, and she's awesome. And do you know that Lady Gaga was doing open mics in the Lower East Side when I was doing open mics for comedy at the Laugh

Lunch? And our careers panned out a little different. Yeah. Is that true? She was down in the village? She was doing open mics in the Lower East Side. She would sing, and I remember, I swear, I remember in 2008, I'm sorry, 2009 at the Laugh Lounge, I remember one of the comics coming in and saying that this girl called Lady Gaga

is singing at a club like two blocks away and she's phenomenal. And I remember hearing the name and then she became famous very, very quickly after that. But I remember hearing it like, oh, people are talking about this girl on the Lower East Side. Yeah. Here's the thing. I want to talk to you for a second, Stephanie. All right?

You're out there talking about your little monsters and all this, but just cut it out. You're an Italian girl. Where's she from? Is she from Sion? She's from New York City. Yeah. you're an Italian girl from New York City. Think she was born in what, the Upper West Side? Yeah, look, she's Lenox Hill Hospital. Yeah, so you're a New York girl, all right?

You were born at Lenox Hill Hospital, okay? Your sister's name is Natalie. Yeah, Natalie Germinata. Yeah, Germinata. So listen, okay, you can talk to your little monsters all you want, you can go fucking prance around all you want, but we want you to come on the history hyenas, get back to your roots, and let's talk about

fucking where you can get a nice slice. I wanna know what your parents think is the best Italian restaurant in Suffolk. And that's all I wanna know about you, so this is an open invite, I know somebody who knows us listening to this, come fucking talk, we wanna do a New York City podcast with you. Yeah, and I want to know if you if you yeah cook a good So I don't want to talk to Lady Gaga. I want to talk to Stephanie I want to talk to Stephanie Stephanie's the girl

I really want to talk to not Lady Gaga Lady Gaga's fun off, but I want to talk to Stephanie because I know Stephanie voted the way we voted I want to talk to Stephanie because I know Stephanie voted the way we voted. Yeah. Stephanie did what she needed to do for this country because Stephanie's father was not going to let her do something that she wasn't supposed to be doing. Stephanie already Stephanie's father already had to deal with Stephanie doing shows with Lil Nas X. She wasn't going to let her ruin this country by voting the wrong way.

Stephanie, we want to know what your relationship is like right now with your father. Yeah. Because your father has a little problem with you hanging around with... Hahahaha. Wei Song Shi. Yeah, that last word you probably... We're just gonna put that one into the patron. That's a character piece.

That's a character piece. But you know Stephanie's dad said it just that way. Yeah, it's just if you're... Here's the thing, if your last name's Germanada, if your last name's Germanada, a lot of times these guys will go to the doctor and their blood pressure will be high and the doctor will say,

have you been saying the N word in your car? That's how you get it out. Way song she ain't. Yeah, I mean, that's what the blood pressure, it's not okay without saying we do it, but that's what the blood pressure. It's not OK without saying we do it, but that's what the doctors will say. They say, listen, Vinny, maybe what you're doing is you're a little stressed out.

What you've got to do is make sure you go in the car, go in the safe place, put the windows up, and just say the N-word. Yeah. And then you'll be OK. Yeah. Just listen. Stephanie, we want to talk to you.

We want to talk to you. Can you pull up what a dad's name is? Yeah, because listen, we know your dad to you. Yeah, pull up with a dad's name is yeah because listen We know your dad is just a little disappointed that you you made it He he knows you're rich and famous and all that But he would have been very happy if you were nursing you fucking had a townhouse in bay Yeah, the father's name is joe germans. Joey germans. We call him joey germs joey germs Yeah, would have been just as happy if you married a fucking firefighter and got a nice

Yeah, house. Yeah brick town. I have some fucking Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. Yeah, he says to his friends He says yeah my daughter she does shows she does what she does. She does dances. She does music It's what she does But the real thing I'm most proud of Stephanie for the real thing was press Stephanie is she makes a beautiful song She makes a good just like her mother. Yeah. Yeah, so she's a multi-billionaire She goes all over planes and all that but she's a good kid She's a good kid, you know, look the gays like it didn't really turn out the way that I wanted Yeah, I don't understand if you're Stephanie, you know, you probably got some weird stalkers out there cuz you're so famous

How come Stephanie doesn't know that the safest place she can be is not one of these mansions with all the security Go buy a nice house on the fucking sewage river in Ozone Park and the neighborhood will protect you. Yeah, that's what this... Stephanie... Plus, could she be safer anywhere if she had a house in Ozone Park? 100%. Right under water.

Sut, let me tell you something. If Stephanie was on Cross Bay Boulevard, nobody would walk up to her ever. We would show respect. Nobody's getting close to Stephanie. People will get close to Lady Gaga, but nobody's walking up to Stephanie Germanada and stand outside Gino's Pizzeria on Cross Bay Boulevard. That's not, we're not doing that

because what Stephanie Germanada is doing is yelling at the meter maid who gave her ticket to go the fuck back to Pakistan. But Lady Gaga is out there in black and white saying we need to all be together. So she has what we call a little bit of a personality problem. Yeah, because one side of Lady Gaga is Stephanie Germanotta who wants to tell the meet-a-mate to go back to Pakistan. Yeah, and the other side of Lady Gaga is the musical artist

Lady Gaga who wants all people to be equal. Yeah. Stephanie wants to have a rumble with the Puerto Ricans who live on the other side of the avenue. Yeah, it's what it is. She wants to meet after school with the Puerto Rican who lives on the other side of the avenue who is talking to her man.

Now, let me tell you something right now. You ready for this? And I will send you a picture of this, Jesse, and we can post this in the episode in 2014 or 2013 I'm sorry when the MTV Music Awards were in Brooklyn. They were in Brooklyn at that time I was I was a hot commodity on guycote. I was all over MTV on guycote and girlcote It's what I was doing. I was making $300 a week. Yeah, so I was on but anyway, I Lady Gaga if you remember she performed she performed, she crushed, and she performed,

she had a thong on, right? So I went and took a picture with, I ran down, because we were sitting in the seats where the artists would, they would perform and then sit in the seats, and we were in that MTV section. I ran down to the front, and when Lady Gaga was done with the performance, I got a picture with her, and her security guard was running down the stairs

to like, stop me, but I just was at the wild moment back then I got a selfie with her and I when I was getting Like releasing my hand from the picture to run back up the stairs my hand hit her ass cheek Yeah, hundred percent and she just looked at me and winked that was Stephanie. That was Stephanie. That was Stephanie Lady Gaga would have been offended. Oh my god Yeah, but what I did was I got I caught Stephanie on the ass. Yeah, not Lady Gaga That's right. Stephanie doesn't give a fuck because Stephanie said this kids de Stefano's got a big enough head I kind of he's not you know I could kind of be Stephanie's cup of tea Lady Gaga's not interested in me right Stephanie might be

Stephanie right definitely into a guy with benefits who works for the city Yeah, so Stephanie looked at me and said this guy looks like he could be that guy this guy looks you yeah He looks union. Yeah, he looks union Yeah, yeah Because and I know that she knew that I looked union because I was wearing a full suit with sneakers on Yeah, so she said this kid's gotta be from Brooklyn so she didn't mind the ass cheek Yeah, because it wasn't it wasn't not intentional. No, I took I took I said what am I gonna ever be next to Lady Gaga? Yeah, let's look a swipe. Let me just take a swipe

Yeah, and Stephanie did not have a problem with it Did not have a lady Gaga might have but she was in Stephanie She was in Stephanie, so I like Stephanie German on it was closer to being Stephanie German on it And now yeah full-blown Lady Gaga, but Stephanie German on it. Look at that face cuz that face commutes on the verizon Oh, Stephanie German on it is a fan of the history of hiatus. Lady Gaga is not. That's what I'm saying. Stephanie, stop fucking around. You're going to hear this.

I know you're going to hear this. We want you sitting right here. Get back to your fucking roots. Your family misses you. Stephanie and Joe Germanada, he's a lawyer. Joe Germanada might be on the Patriots. Joe Germanada may be a fucking, he might be one of the names who made the PPW.

Yeah, it's what it is. Yeah, it's just what it is. Yeah, Stephanie Germinata. Stephanie Germinata. Look at that face, cuz. She's an Italian girl. She's an Italian girl from New York, and Stephanie Germinata, I gotta be honest with you,

just makes me feel safe. I've always liked her music, and now I know why, it's because I like Stephanie Germinata's music. I guarantee you when she gets older, she may start going as Stephanie Germanata because like she's like Italians have like a long legendary list of like famous singers. Right. Right. You got Frankie, you got Frank Sinatra, Frankie Avalon. I mean there's just a long. Dean Martin, all these guys are Italian kids. Yeah I mean that's you, that's her. She's going to be one of those classic as she gets older. Tony Bennett. Tony Bennett. I

mean the list goes on. Stephanie Germanata. So she gonna be one of those classic, as she gets older. Tony Bennett. Tony Bennett, I mean, the list goes on. Stephanie Germanado, so she is the headliner of this first week in Coachella. And yeah, so you had the first known, oh, and by the way, Benson Boone is another one. I saw Benson Boone perform last year. It's my daughter's favorite singer, and the kid can move,

and I heard he absolutely ripped at Coachella. And he's another hottie with a body. I don't know who half these people are who are headlining Coachella. It just means that I'm just an older, I'm a little bit of an older guy. There's a kid on here whose name is Tin Liquor. If you see that Tin Liquor next to Lola Young, so this kid doing Coachella's name is Tin Liquor. I don't know who that is, but that's who I would go see and let me just say right

now Ahmed spins may or may not be at Coachella he's on he's on the list at headliners but depending on whether ice gets to him or not he may or may not show up yeah and here's the thing too is we actually did just find our spy China is finding a way to infiltrate even Coachella. There's a band up here that meant to call themselves Malibu State, but instead they call themselves Maribu State. Yeah, there's some Maribu State is just what Chinese undercover that just spelled it wrong and we've caught you. Yeah. And four bats. Yeah. These are what a little Chinese, these are just Maribu State is hilarious. It's just just we found them and it's what it is, but at

least you know now when Mara Boots State is performing, at least you know that the audience will be recorded. Yeah. So, all right, guys, listen, we're going to get to the rest of the history of Coachella right after this ad break. Guys, remember when we saw that kid who came up to us today when we were eating breakfast and he was a big Hyenas fan and then he went to walk away near a huge bald spot? He can use something called hymns.

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I mean, what is music? That's the thing. I always ask myself, what is it? Does it mean we have a soul? Where does it come from? Why does it make us happy? Because what music actually does, it's a scientific fact, what it actually does is it calms us down.

There's a neuroscience to this. Music actually, what it does is it over, our brains can't handle it. So all the sounds pumping over stimulates our brain and it actually has a calming effect on us because our brain can't handle it all. So it just goes into like a default calm, relaxed setting. That's an actual fact. I know, but what is music?

Like what is it? Like what's it's fun? Like where does it come from? Where did music- Like when someone can sing, like where, and then you get goosebumps. Goose pumps. Yeah. You get your goosebumps. Yeah. What is that? Is that God? That is God. Yeah. I believe truly that is God because that is a talent that for me, if not everyone can do it. Yeah. That means God picks and chooses like who he wants to put his talent

through and I think that a singer is God. Whitney used it to me as God. Is there, is that like a glimpse into divinity when we hear someone sing? I believe so. I genuinely believe so because the thing is music, it's not a new thing here. You think that we all are guilty of thinking everything is just the first time it's happened is when we've experienced it, but not only it's just, you just scroll up a little bit on the notes because I want to make sure I say this right. Yes, so in ancient Greece in the sixth century BC, this is one of the earliest, earliest musical festival vibes. It was called the Pynthian Games at Delphi.

And it was like the Olympics, but with musical competitions honoring Apollo. So they knew they had a ire playing, singing poetry. They gave out prizes. And it was just one of those early Greek, music has been bringing people together for a long, long time. So maybe that's what we need to do is just maybe we just need to get some, maybe we got

to get Ed Sheeran to the Gaza Strip. Maybe he could stop the bombs. Well, unfortunately, yeah, I mean, you just want to make sure if you're having a musical festival in Israel, you want to be a little more inland. Yeah. You know what I mean? Right, because, yeah, because that's even, Hamas knew that if I wanna get people at a state

where they're not expecting anything, I attack the music festival. That's right, and unfortunately when the drum beat's going, or the trance music's going, you can't, you're not sure if that's machine gun fire or a drum. Yeah, so I got, even though it's bad, I think they were able to get a few more just because it was a music festival. Yeah, so this is why I don't agree with the decision by Hamas at all, but it is good strategic planning

to invade that music festival and the Chinese want to get us, they should invade Coachella. We ain't expecting it. Yeah, the problem is there's been a few attacks at music festivals. Remember, we had one in Vegas. I mean, look at this girl in the red dress. Yeah. I mean, what am I supposed to do here? Just what it is. Yeah it's just what it is. It's just what it is because you just breathe. Yeah that's what it is. And you just can't and you might just have to get on a little thing called a low dose. Yeah. Because here's another one. Yeah just so so you just what Jesse what you're gonna have to do is just put them off the screen and the thing with me is if you throw guys up it might have the same effect. Yeah and so the problem yeah, see, this makes it even worse. Because now I just want to DM him.

I want to jump inside that guy's knapsack. The thing about music festivals is if you're at one and then just somebody comes like hand gliding in with a machine gun starts killing people, it's a real fucking bummer because everyone's on Mali. Yeah, so they don't know if it's ever my high or is this really happening? Yeah, and also, is there anything more

of a fucking Mlly kill than murder? No. That's tough. That's tough. What I will say I did a it was called the V festival back in London in 2011 or 2012. And that's actually met Ed Sheeran there. I've told that story before. It was cool. But somebody did die at the festival and I watched them try to pump the kids heart. Wasn't working. Then they just wheeled them out and the music continued because they just expect a couple of kids to go down. That's a real thing. I mean, they expect a couple of kids. I

mean, dude, any type of outdoor setting, a couple of unhealthy kids are going to go down. I mean, somebody died at a Souljoel comedy show and Sergio Chacon saw it and just kept doing his jokes. That was me. Yeah, that was my show. That was an out one. Souljoel was doing his shows outside. People just dropped. Yeah, they just, the guy dropped while I was on stage. Yeah, did you see him drop? I did not see him drop, but they stopped the show while I was in the middle of my set. And then paramedics had to come in. They came in, they pumped his chest, and the kid died. And he died. Yeah, I was killing so hard that he died. And then did you have the wig on or no?

No, no wig. Yeah, because that would have been funny if you had the wig on and you got to stop the show. Yeah, I've had some wild stuff happen during my career. That was one of them. A guy died at my show. Legitimately died. I think he was a fat kid, but he was also on drugs, right? He was also on drugs, unfortunately.

It was probably another casualty of fentanyl. That's a problem with these Coachella things. It's a lot of fun. By the way, you know, it's a lot of drugs. Anyone that complains, by the way, about comedy shows being too pricey that are, you know, they're 40 bucks. How about weekend one is $649 general admission for Coachella for you to stand next to everyone on drugs sweating 12 hours to get in, 12 hours to get out, living in the sand.

Yeah. Okay. You know, $649. So I don't want to, for you to be a football field away listening to Lady Gaga watching her on the sand. Yeah. Okay. It's out, you know, $649. So I don't want to, for you to be a football field away listening to Lady Gaga watching her on the screen. Yeah. When you could be up close and personal with me and Yanni for a nice cool 40 beans. That's it. So to go to historyinisisback.com to see our comedy shows. We've got a bunch of dates up there. My show at MSG Arena has moved down to the theater. That's what it is. On September 11th, that's what it is. And I'm in Cleveland right now while you're listening to this. I am in Cleveland. So get your tickets. Yeah. But you know, so yeah, people have always gathered together around music since ancient Egypt. And it was, in Egypt, they did it to honor the goddess. Hathor. Hathor. Hathor is the god. The goddess of music, dance,

fertility, and wine. So people would do like, I guess the drugs that are there, they would just drink a lot of wine, get into a trance, and fuck. That's what it is. It was called the Festival of the Drunkenness, as we said. And they would literally, they would say they would awaken spirituality at sunrise. So that means.

Mm-hmm. Wei song xian. Yeah. It's just unfortunate. Because in ancient times, they didn't, yeah. And we'll say it, we'll have to edit that part out, because we've got things for that. And say, and. Yeah. Because in ancient times they didn't. Yeah. Yeah. And we'll say it, we'll have to edit that part out because we've got things for that

and say, and the women, they got raped. They got raped. The women got raped because unfortunately that's just what happened back then is they would get women drunk and then just do what they wanted with them. And they just celebrated it as spiritual awakening at sunrise. But what is a little thing we like to call grape. Grape. It's grape.

Yeah. It's grape. Grape. It's grape. It's grape. Grape juice. Yeah. And it's not good. It's not okay. The Greeks had to drink grape juice. What is it? It's bad.

Yeah. And then the Greeks did the same thing and they were honoring Apollo. So I guess the first music festivals were to honor the gods and to get drunk and it's used to get hammered. It's everyone needs an excuse to get together and get hammered. I mean, cuz and let's be honest, let's be honest. What we're doing today at Coachella and the Burning Mans of the world is the same thing. We're honoring the gods, except our gods are not Apollo

and people in the sun there. Now the music starts. We're honoring Lady Gaga. We're honoring Beyonce. We're honoring Travis Scott. They, these are gods to these people. That's very true. So that's what, so it's the same mental thing.

And it just kept going on. Medieval Europe, the 11th to 13th century. This is interesting. This is where touring bands started all the way back to the 11th century medieval Europe, traveling troubadours and minstrels, so guys in blackface, would gather at fairs and religious festivals and all, wherever it was, and they performed for nobles, peasants, whomever. And it wasn't necessarily an official music festival, but it is where the circuit began, the touring circuit,

is you would just perform for different lords and different towns. So it's been around a while, Cus. Do you think those guys, there was some, the rock star back then was a harp player in medieval Europe, and he had roadies that were just blowing them on the road. 1000%. And chicks that would just follow them.

100%. Going from like, Gaul to like, Brittany. Yep. Britanny. Brit like Brittany, Britannia. Britannica, yeah. Yeah. And they would just, I don't think that- They're like, are you going to see Sir, are you going to see Sir Hanson Wilson on the road?

He's so fucking cool. Yeah. And the girls would just leave their peasant homes and just, and just go there and show their tits to a harp player. Yeah. Yeah. Just pull out their Harry Bush for someone playing a harp. Yeah. Yeah. There was like a backstage pass and the girls would get back

there and the guys would be eating turkey leg and shit like that. Yeah. They just get blown. Yeah. Yeah. It's just what it was. It's just what it was. Yeah. And I don't think that- Do you think they had sexholics back then? I don't think so. What is it called? SS, I don't know. S-L-A-A, sex, love, addicts, synonymous. Do you think they had that for medieval heart playing stars? No, I think they didn't because I think everyone dropped dead by 25. That's right. So that's just nobody. The problem is today is we just have time a lot more years in the game to evolve. So back then, if you just dropped at 25, what you would do is just have 25 years of fun and then you're done.

Then you drop. Then you drop. Which ain't a bad. Ain't a bad thing. You get beheaded, whatever. Yeah, it's a good way to go. So here's the thing, cause it always goes,

it's the same thing. It's the same thing. The Greeks pretty much create it and do it and then forget about it. And then the Germans always perfect it. So the very first modern music festival was called the Beirut Festival. And it was 1876 in Germany.

And it was founded by Richard Wagner, the Nazi, to exclusively showcase his operas in nice theaters. And he literally said, what we're gonna do now is we're gonna make this is we're gonna make this, we're gonna monetize this. This is gonna be now a organized, coordinated event and it was the first festival with dedicated staging, acoustics and a theme.

Like how we have theme festivals today, that was Richard Wagner and the Beirut Music Festival in 1876 Germany. And you know what I love about Jesse, it just, where Frank's been in operation, he took the notes and he moved them farther to the right so we can't see them because the camera's blocking it. Yeah, well I think that because we were talking about Germany, he moved everything to the

right. It's just what it is. Yeah, yeah. So the thing is, is really if you really want to go back to when was the actual, the origination of the music festival as we know it today, you have to go back to a little place called Germany, a little place that is near and dear to my heart. And his name was Richard Wagner. And so that's when operas came in. Operas, yeah. Yeah. Classical music, you know, it's funny because things got really chill with the music. It was probably in ancient Greece and ancient Egypt, it was probably pretty raucous. And then it got really buttoned up and civilized.

Because Germans can just, they can maintain a bit of calmness. They can maintain a bit of calmness. They're very, they're dualistic. They're kind of like Stephanie and Lady Gaga. On the battlefield, they're a little bit more like Stephanie. And then in the opera house, they're a little bit more like Gaga.

It's just a little more civilized. Yeah. And so. So that was fun. That's interesting. Is that the first modern music festival? That is the first modern music festival. Germany, 1876. 1876. So now, we've talked a little about it for the history, but now I don't know if people know this, the actual Coachella, which is what today's episode is mostly about, Coachella, where that actually originated has something to do with a little band called Pearl Jam.

Pearl Jam. So Pearl Jam is very famous for having a beef with Ticketmaster and boycotting Ticketmaster. What they did in 1993 was they played a show at the Empire Polo Club in Indio, California, which is where Coachella is, and they said, we're going to just literally go into the middle of a desert and play a festival and you guys pay as you come in and this is where Coachella, the origins of it, it wasn't actually founded until 1999 by Paul Tollett and Rick Van Satin of Golden Boys because you just need a couple of Jews to be able to get their hands on it. You just need a little thing, you just need a little truffle pigs to sniff out the money

and some people may say, I'm taking that from the Kill Tony episode where Shane Gillis, as Donald Trump said, Trump is a truffle pigs to sniff out the money and some people may say I'm taking that from the kill Tony episode with Shane Gillis as Donald Trump said Trump is a truffle pig and we've been saying truffle pigs forever We've been saying truffle pigs from the beginning not accusing at all No, because it's just it's been out there never Shane is a comic genius not accusing but just know Sniffing out the truffle pigs for money. We've been saying that's a 2018. That's been a that's been a history Hi, he's special for a long time. So we're just gonna keep saying it. We sniffed out these Paul Tala and Rick Van Sant of Golden Voice are just a couple of truffle pigs that smelled that Pearl Jam money and they officially founded it in 1999 and

it was held over two days in October. It was headlined by Beck, Rage Against the Machine and Tool. So what you know, you know one thing and one thing only that the very first Coachella in 99 was mostly white They were not interested in anybody else other than white bands If you have Beck rage against the machine and tool and here's the thing that's interesting is Beck is a Scientologist and I think the lead singer from tool just got he got Nicked yeah, he got nicked as a kid. Unfortunately. He's talked about the fact that he was raped as a child. He was raped.

He had to drink the grape juice. He had to drink the grape juice and it happens and people get, people just get nicked. Some people get nicked in the womb. But you take your pain and you turn it into art. That's what he did. And that's what Tool did. And Beck took his pain as a child and he turned it into being in a cult. And that's just what it is.

I mean the kid is just a Scientologist. Yeah. And the motto of Scientology is always, mouths are for sucking, not for talking. That's what it is. That's just what they say when you join. That's what it is. And here's the bottom line is, Scientology probably

can't get me. I don't have any interest in doing it. They could convince you that they're the true way very easily. You think so? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. So how do I prevent that? Because I can get honey-potted.

If a Scientologist appears as an Asian woman, I will get honey-potted. Because you're for the table. You're available. Muslims, you could just, you swing. You're the wind hitting a sailboat. Yeah. I mean, it could come east.

It could come west. It could come south. It could come north. Yeah. But you're available. What I am is a little warped. You're a little warped. A little warped.

That's it. Things got a little warped in childhood, and it's just how it is. And so what we have to do now is we scale it back, and we go in a little thing called a low dose. That's the way, because what you have to do in this world is give yourself a little thing we like to call space. Space.

Give yourself a little space. Give yourself a little space. Sometimes the only way to get to space is gotta get a load though. You just gotta get five milligrams of Lexapro. You gotta go give yourself a little space. If you want to go to space you gotta get in the rocket ship and the way the rocket ship goes is a little thing called the Lexapro train. Yeah it's just all there is to it it's just not a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's because now tell us. It's so cool to know that the first Coachella was actually formed at a rebellion against Ticketmaster. A Pearl Jam. We can't really talk openly about Ticketmaster

because they work so much with comedy. Yeah, they work so. But you're fucking ripping everybody off. They are, but I just want to say that I love you Ticketmaster. Me too. I love you Live Nation. And the reason I'm specifically saying that is because my property taxes are a little high. So I just need a little loot in the pocket. I'm going to need that for about 10 to 15 years until the little one gets through school and then I'll talk shit about Ticketmaster. But right now I cannot.

We actually love Ticketmaster. We're just joking. It's a great system. But aren't they up for like, isn't there like a monopoly suit? They are up. The government's trying to come at them now. Yeah, because they really, they own the venue, they own the tickets, they own everything, right?

Yeah, and we're going to tell you some fun stuff about Ticketmaster and some mind blowing facts about Coachella right after these ads. Lightstrike, tell me about Lightstrike. Cuz, well here's the thing, what I like about Lightstrike is it's a hard refresher and it's like unlike anything the alcohol industry has ever seen.

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in April and we don't know if Burk Reicher is dead or alive. He could, I mean, he's alive as of the reading of this episode. Yeah, but his skin did look purple when he came in here. Yeah, it's the sponsor of the Two Bears 5K in Tampa, Florida on May 4th. Like Chrissy said, it is an excellent source of 5% alcohol.

It's a hard refresher. It's not just a drink, it's a goddamn survival tool. It's the perfect party pacer. Yeah. So go right now, go get the different flavors, go check them out, drink them cold or over ice. Just go to www.drinklightstrike.com. www.drinklightstrike.com, follow them on TikTok and Instagram, www.drinklightstrike.com.

And yeah, dude, just have fun with it. And if you want to hear the real ad, go to www.patreon.com. We went wild. Eddie Vedder really said, fuck you to the music industry and the ticket master. And that's basically Coachella was formed out of a big middle finger from Eddie Vedder. Yeah. And I appreciate that. And I just have to be honest with you. I have less than a zero percent desire to ever go to Coachella. I wouldn't, unless they started doing comedy

there and you flew me right in and right out, I have zero desire to go to any music festival of any kind. I don't want to stand in a line. I don't care anymore. I'm looking for the bars and restaurants that have no people in them. That's what I like too. Right, I like, cause what I wanna do, what I wanna do is just sit down with my partner and try and connect because it's very difficult for me. Right, I just wanna say-

Have you ever thought about being a monk? Focusing on you. Or seriously like, yeah. I mean, I think you need to just maybe become a monk. Right, well, I have been sitting down meditating. Yeah. And I would, the problem is with becoming a monk is I can't shave my head, because I like the way my hair looks.

Yeah, your hair looks good. You like that? It's slicked back to the sides and it's up a little bit. That would be funny if you went to a monastery and it was all monks with shaved heads and then you were just the only one who had hair. Yeah, I just came in and I said, I'm compromising on everything else.

I've given up everything, but I can't give up my pompadour. I can't give up my hair. You guys can tape my eyes back if you want, but I'm not going to cut my hair. Because you got a pompadour. But what't give up my hair. You guys can tape my eyes back if you want, but I'm not gonna cut my hair. Cause you got a pompadour. But what do you think, should I cut it or is it nice? I like the pompadour. My dad would call that a pompadour.

Dad told me I got a face that looks like I could play for the Brooklyn Dodgers. Yeah, and that's just a funny thing. Do you know that that's called a pompadour? Is it? Can you pull up pompadour? Pull it up. You have a prototypical, classic 1950s pompadour. Ladies, can you- You're Chrissy P pompadour? You have a you have a prototypical classic 1950s pompadour.

Ladies can you... Can you comment at patreon.com slash history hyenas and history hyenas and tell me if my haircut makes me a piece or not a piece. Tell me if I look like Janelle Monae. Yeah because you got a pompadour. I got a pompadour. Can you just pull up 1950s pompadour? Yeah pull up 1950s pompadour. Because these pompadours are different but up 1950s poppado. Yeah, pull up 1950s poppado. Because these poppadoes are different, but the 1950s poppado. I mean, you got a classic 1950s poppado. 1950s poppado. There you go.

Look at Elvis. It's what it is. And my life's going to end like Elvis. I'm going to die in the toilet eating a peanut butter and banana sandwich. Just what it is. Make no mistake, Stephanie Germanata's father wants you to have a guy with a haircut like this. She wants a guy like that, cuz... She wants a guy who's Italian.

Italian. Cuz make... Absolutely. But she's like, she's like gender fluid right kind of bisexual. She is, but that's Lady Gaga. I don't think Stephanie Germanada is really like that. I bet you we might even have a DM from Stephanie Germanada's burner account on the History of the Hyenas. I bet you we do. Not Lady Gaga, but there might be a girl named Stephanie Germanada that just messages us. Because I know there's no way she was raised to be Lady Gaga. No. There's just no way. No, this happened as a matter of fact when she became Lady Gaga, her father Joe Germanada wanted to take her to therapy. He wanted to get her institutionalized. Yeah, she did. Because he said, why is my daughter

not becoming a school teacher? Yeah, why? What's going on? Yeah, how come she's not fucking working at Methodist Hospital? Yeah, why is why is she not a schoolteacher or a nurse? Yeah, how come she's not driving a white BMW and very happy about that? The hell is she doing? What's she doing? Why yeah, so so here we go. So so now the mainstream explosion of Coachella happens really in when I started hearing about it was the big thing I heard about was the Tupac hologram in 2012 Oh, yeah, there's a lot of stuff that happened before about was the Tupac hologram in 2012. Oh yeah. There's a lot of stuff that happened before that, but that Tupac hologram during Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg's set, now a lot of people use holograms, but that was the first one,

and I remember time almost standing still that Tupac got brought back on this hologram and that was Coachella. That cost $500,000 to do. Yeah. Right after 9-11, post 9-11, it exploded. They started getting big acts like the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Beastie Boys, the White Stripes, and then it really exploded with Radiohead in 2004. Daft Punk came out there.

Yeah. So it just started getting bigger and bigger and bigger, and then by 2007 to 2010, that's when it got integrated. Yes. That's when Jay-Z was the first rap headliner in 2010. And so that's when it really exploded and the blacks and whites started partying together. Started partying together. And that's when the festival actually began selling tickets because here's the thing,

man, is rappers sell tickets. Yes. People want to go watch rappers. And so now Coachella is a slam dunk sold out event. It is probably the biggest event in music I would say Coachella right probably social media really accelerated it cuz I just take pictures of themselves at Coachella I mean and and everyone who goes is is a smoke show smoke show and that's okay What you need what you need from that is a little thing. We call space

Because here's the let's hot people like being around other hot people. Yes. I mean really we just, until you become an adult with kids, you're really just living in high school cliques. Yeah. Because when you become an adult, your friends just become the parents of other kids. Right. So you're not in a clique anymore. Right. You're just, you're in a community. But before that, it's just the cool kids go to Coachella, the nerd kids go, I don't know what they do. The nerd kids go to, the cool kids go to Coachella, the nerd kids go to Comic-Con.

They go to Comic-Con. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. Yeah, and then where do the fat, ugly people go? Just being blunt, I'm sorry. There are some fat, ugly people. So what happens is the cool kids go to Coachella, the nerd kids go to Comic-Con, and then the fat, the fat ugly kids just go on cruises. That's where they go. They just go on a theme cruise. So here's how it works. Got it. It's very simple. Right. The cool kids go to Coachella,

the nerd kids go to Comic-Con, and the fat kids go, they have a pic, they either go on the Birdcrasher cruise or the Impractical Jokers cruise. That's where they go. That's exactly right. That's what it is, and that's the way the cookies crumbled. That's the little thing that we like to call a Ruth Bader Ginsburg, AKA a Truth Bader Ginsburg.

So that's a TBG, it's a Truth Bader Ginsburg, it's just what I like to do is call it like I see it. And when you go on a cruise ship, you see very, very fat, ugly people with back names. And you see people who are in their mid-30s in motorized wheelchairs. And typically that's a theme cruise. So you could call that a music festival in the ocean. So they're doing the same thing that Coachella is doing. If your music festival is on land, you have hot people. If your music festival is on land, you have hot people.

If your music festival is on water, you have fat, ugly people. Yeah, because whales belong at sea. Exactly, so that's what you get on a music festival in the water is what you get there, and then Coachella is, you get that. So Jesse, if you could just post that picture for the fat on the water, for the crews on the water,

and then post Coachella pic, you get that. You get that. So you get pink, that's what you get on water, and then post Coachella pic, you get that. You get that. So you get pink, that's what you get on land, and then that's what you get on water. That's a Matt Rife show, Coachella, and then you go to an impractical Joker show, and that's what you get. It's what it is.

It's what it's okay, because everyone at the end of the day is making real, real, real money, and everyone needs to be entertained. Anyone, everyone needs to be entertained, so we got a little song for everybody, and what it is is it's a ok It's a ok and I will say that I've been on the Joker's cruise Performed and I've performed also on the Burke Chrysler's cruise and there was more traffic. Yeah on those cruises

Yeah, then there is yeah on on the FDR. Yep during rush hour I mean, there's just a lot of people in scooters that are holding up the line listen and it's the same and I've done both Of them to you a human traffic and I've done both of them too. There's human traffic. And I've had a good time, I've had a good time on both. Yes, I've had a good time on both. I've had a good time on both, and it's what it is. Those types of cruises. If you wanna fuck someone on a Burt Kreischer cruise,

you need a license. Yeah, the problem is, you need a driver's license. You need a driver's license. You just gotta pull up in your car and say, hey sweetheart, you gotta meet them at a red light. Because everyone is on four wheels. And a lot of people ask, how come these cruises, these music festival cruises, why can't they

ever leave out of New York? Why do they have to leave out of Miami? And that's because the water's deeper in Miami and it's a hazard if they leave from New York if the boat sinks. So the problem is it'll just be stuck in the bedrock. So what you gotta do is you gotta go to deep waters. You gotta go to deep waters Yeah, because yeah, that's just it. You're just I mean, that's just a cruise right there You're gonna see a lot of cargo shorts and you're gonna see a lot of people in motorized scooters

And here's the thing because they're too big to walk. Yeah, it's what it is. And that's okay That's the life they've chosen and everything people are doing what they want to do We're all making up a piece of the pie here. Yeah. When rude people are being rude, let them be rude. When fat people are being fat, let them be fat. When jacked people are being jacked, let them be jacked. When people are going to act like people, you have the right. You make the decision inside you how you want to react.

Remember, nothing is ever anybody's fault. It's always your choice to do what you want to do. Okay? The problem is when people are acting impossible, it's not them acting impossible, it's you acting impossible. You have to accept people for who they are. And some people are just fat. There's a certain thing called steelpipe Chrissy that comes out once in a while that wants to tell it like it is. Yeah. And that is when, that's when there's less Barney Rubble influence and there's more Linda Stefano influence.

Right. Yeah. When you want a little bit more order and you want people to work a little harder and you want just people to stop complaining a little bit, that's when the vegetables get moved, a beer gets picked up, and somebody's gotta talk about what society needs to be. So what that little rant, that's from a little character we like to call Anonymous Chrissy. It's when Chrissy's working on himself,

there's a little guy we like to call Anonymous Chrissy that just sees the world for how it is and is very accepting. And understands that he's addicted to losing it all. But the good thing about... So it's anonymous, Chris. But the good thing about your mom's influence is that she liked order and she liked people... she wanted people to go to work. Yeah. She just liked people working. Yeah. She didn't like people

were hanging around. No. So there's a part of you that just can't stand when people are complaining. Yeah. And that's where Steel Pipe Christie comes up because you just don't want to hear the hear the complaints. You just want people to get up and go to work and not be dependent on your income to subsidize their living lifestyle. It's what it is, cuz. It's what it is, cuz, and it's a little guy, when I get like that, it's a little guy

that we call AOC, Anonymous Out Loud Chrissy. Yeah, Anonymous Out Loud Chrissy. AOC. AOC is Anonymous Out Loud Chrissy. And the thing is, and I kinda just say it, when I hang around with my mother for a weekend, which I did last weekend, three words pop into my head, and that's do your job.

Do your job. Do your job. So I say to myself, do my job, I have a job to, and then I say out there to others, do your job. And you know who you're talking to, and just kind of, a lot of times, you know, Jasmine will say, she'll know when I went by my mother's house Cuz I'll start saying some things like do your job

As she gets a little upset me yeah But what we what we have for ten years is what we've built is we can just work through it, right? Cuz your mom just went to work. My mom just went to work right do your job, right? My mom just doesn't like to come over the house to surprise the kids with Easter baskets and see that we're sending the laundry out she doesn't like you ways on chain I can't wait yeah okay so what we're gonna do is gonna throw that on the patreon we're gonna put that what we going to do is we're going to throw that on the Patreon. We're going to put that in the Patreon. What we're going to have to do is we're going to put that in the Patreon.

That's just fun. Just cackle. That's just fun to put on the Patreon and we still will have, you know, and that's just all cackle. That's just all because you just heard a lot of cackles, but you can hear what it is. It's just, it's on patreon.com slash history hyenas, but those things have to go on the Patreon. They have to go on the Patreon because we have a lot of fun on the Patreon.

Just stop complaining. Some things just cannot go out. It's five bucks for the audio of fun in the Patreon. Just stop complaining. Some things just cannot go out on the Patreon. It's five bucks for the audio, 10 for the video. I mean, you can afford it. Even in the reception, you can do it. You know what it is? Because we need you to shut your mouth when

you hear certain things. And the only people you can trust to do that are people who can afford $5. That's what it is. And we see a lot of you freebies on the Patreon. And that's why we have to make it that you can't have the content. Because we know that what you'll do is just put it on Reddit. Yeah, and we see a lot of you freebies on the Patreon, and that's why we have to make it that you can't have the content,

because we know that what you'll do is just put it on Reddit. And the thing is, we can't trust you if you can't afford five to 10 a month. You can't be trusted. But we still love you, but we just can't trust you. Yeah, that's just like, the audience is bad when you do a free comedy show.

That's why you go to those types of shows to work on your material, because they got low expectations. Low expectations. Because they're the type of people that you were just talking about. They're not going to work and doing their job. They're not doing their job, and of people that you were just talking about. Yeah. They're not going to work and doing their job.

They're not doing their job and that's what we want to see from the people. Now let me ask you, Kaz, what was the most fascinating thing, do you think, recapping the episode today about Coachella and the history of music festivals? What did you learn? What do you feel? Well, the only music festival I ever went to was Rap Mania with my Puerto Rican girlfriend when I was in ninth grade and that was in Harlem. She had fumes or no fumes?

She had no fumes. Puerto Rican is almost, it's almost impossible for Latinas to have no fumes. They are the ones that I believe God made the breeders. Yes. Those are the breeders. And she was able to get us in. It was at the Apollo and it was, it was rap mania and it was incredible. But make zero mistake, I was the only white kid within miles.

Yeah. It wasn't the Harlem that it is now. It was a different time and I went there and I saw Slick Rick was there. I mean, it was crazy, it was rap mania and that's the only musical festival. I grew up on rap music. Yeah, yeah. And you don't like music.

I don't like music. You're not a music guy. I'm not a musical. Because you gotta stop and appreciate music and you don't like to stop. I remember being a kid, the music. I'm not a music guy. I'm not a musical guy. Because you gotta stop and appreciate music and you don't like to stop. I remember being a kid, the music that I liked when I was a kid was Whitney Houston. I always liked Whitney Houston in the 80s vibe.

And then, because I would listen to my Ann Eilene's call and she would pick me up. And I just took a sip of water and there was Zins in there. Yeah, it's just what it is. I just drank Zins. So you drank a Zin water and now I remember Ann Eilene used to pick me up.

She used to work at Wycoff Heights Hospital and she would pick me up from my grandfather's house and she would be in her 1991 Toyota Corolla that eventually got stolen. I remember her license plate XXR2247. So I remember that and she used to always have on Light FM. Light FM had 80s music on and I remember- A little Lionel Richie. A little Lionel Richie, Whitney Houston, Smooth Operatorator so that's the kind of music I would listen to and then my grandfather would have on a

little lady we like to know a little lady known as Connie Francis yeah so we listen to a lot of Connie Francis lipstick on my collar yeah so we would do all that and we're listening to 60s old school music and 80s music and then the new music like all my friends they knew it had everyone's album the jz album then I never did any of that. What I had to do was play a little thing called pretend. I had to pretend that I knew what was going on. Just like when I got into comedy, I had to pretend to Sam Morrill and Mark Normand and the comedy peer group that I had

that I knew anything about anybody's comedy album when I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything at all. I just said, I just got into comedy because I just wanted to make people laugh and I wanted to escape my family. And the real reason why I got into stand-up comedy, you want to know the real truth? Is I had to.

I got forced to because I started telling people in college in 2005 that I was doing stand-up every night, but I hadn't been doing it at all. And I would invite them to my show that didn't exist and then cancel it to the last minute. And then finally in 2008, I said, I can't run this line anymore. I'm going to have to actually do it. So I took a comedy class to keep up the lie and I just was okay at it I kept doing it but deep deep deep down inside. I don't even really want to be doing comedy I'm just too far right now. My property taxes are too high to stop cuz the dig

You're loose with the truth what it is, but is that okay? That's okay. Yeah, that's okay It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal that you're... As long as I'm not disparaging my family, I could be loose with the truth. You're loose with the truth. Because I used to disparage my family and be loose with the truth, so we don't do that anymore. But I will be loose with the truth and tell you that this whole thing started as a lie.

Yeah. It started as a lie. You're a kid who's a little loose with the facts. Yeah. It's what it is. I just like to have fun with it. Reality is a suggestion and that's just how it goes. How it goes. I remember going to St. Joseph's College in downtown Brooklyn and three blocks away there was a place there called the Connecticut Muffin.

Yeah. And I said I was doing a comedy show there Friday at eight o'clock. Yeah. And I started telling people to go and then Thursday at eight I said the show was canceled and people were saying oh there was no I never got a flyer never got information. I said yeah show got canceled, but the truth is I had told everyone I was doing stand-up But I was too pussed to get on stage. Yeah, here's the so that's just what I did. That's how I live my life That's why you gravitated towards me because what happened is is you were a kid from Ridgewood, Queens Yeah, right who had a single mother who was working. Yeah, whose father you had a father Who's doing a little horse, he was playing horses.

Playing horses. You were a kid from there who hadn't, who was just a Catholic kid who went to a Catholic school who just grew up around Polish kids, drinking 40s, playing basketball. You went to Malloy, you were a New York kid, and then you went into the city, you brought, you thought you needed to bring your passport to cross the bridge the first time you came. You saw your first Jew, you almost ran back, and you just had to talk to kids like Sam Morrell, who are Jewish kids with autism, and you just didn't know what was going on.

I didn't know what to do. You didn't know if you were going to catch gay, if you were going to catch a Democrat, you just didn't know what was going on. You were scared of lesbians, you were scared of different, there was Jews, there was Protestants, you didn't know what was going on. All you know is Puerto Ricans, all you know is Serbian kids, all you know is an occasional smelly Greek diner. You're just a New York kid and then you got exposed to the city with all these Jews and

all these other people and you just had to pretend. You guys, I'm an Italian from Greece, I don't know, I just don't know how to talk to you people. And then you met me and I understood you. I understood that you had steak-ems for dinner. I understand that you had a neutral staircase. Yeah, I understand that you live in a house with your aunt your mom and your cousin Yeah I understand that there was there was beers that were cracked on the neutrals because they were upset because Chrissy was failing out of school

Yeah, yeah, and because his friend Latisha came over. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I just wanted this and she got banged out. Yeah And I understood that sometimes you had pizza for dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just what it is. She got banged out. Yeah. And I understood that sometimes you had pizza for dinner. Yeah. I just understand. Yeah. I understand. You accepted me for me, and I didn't have to keep up this lie.

I didn't have to keep up this lie. Because you're a fucking, you're a burro monkey. Yes. Yeah, because you're a Queens kid. Yeah, it's what it is. Rather than, you know, I used to tell people in high school that I was actually half Italian, half Egyptian, to sound more exotic.

I used to tell people when I got cut from the varsity basketball team that I got cut because I'm actually playing football and I got a scholarship to Alabama. Now, none of these things were true. Yeah. So what we do is we just move forward and then we continue moving forward into comedy with, hey, I could say anything, right? And then what happened is I met Yanni and Yanni said, you know, I know who the real you is. I know who you are. And then I felt calm. And then I felt calm. I felt okay to tell Yanni said, you know, I know who the real you is. I know who you are. And then I felt calm. And then I felt calm, I felt okay to tell Yanni that,

hey listen, my mom wants to sell the house and acidic juice keep coming up and saying that they'll buy it in cash. Or my mom says, I'm not selling to those people. Right, I'm not selling to those people. And then when you said she told me that they can crawl in your shoes and turn invisible, and I said, that's actually a fact,

you felt like there's somebody who finally understands my family's worldview. Yeah, it's what it is. Now, did you ever take a vacation outside of New York City until you were in your 20s? What part of the world did you see before you were in your 20s? There was one place and one place only

where my mother would take me on vacation every single summer and still to this day continues to wanna take me every single summer. And that's a place called Lancaster, Pennsylvania. We would go to the Amish country. That's right. Because we could take Amtrak there because my mom couldn't drive and my dad was just on Staten Island.

So we would go to the Amtrak to Lancaster, Pennsylvania and we would go ride around on Amish horse and buggies and eat shoofly pies and talk to the Amish and that was our vacation. And we'd go to Hershey Park. If you don't understand how much of a neighborhood type of world New York was before the internet Chris DiStefano grew up in New York City Yeah, which was called Jesse Jackson because it has more Jews than anywhere in the world and Chris had not met a Jew until you were you were past puberty yes

So that's the type of life you came so you came into the into the city, and you just didn't know what to do with all these people. No, I didn't meet. I didn't meet. As a matter of fact, the only time I ever saw Jewish people is when there was traffic on the BQE, and my grandfather would get off the BQE and drive through Williamsburg, Brooklyn to get back to Ridgewood.

And he would tell everyone to put their windows up. And that's just a truth baiter Ginsburg. And it's unfortunate. It's just what the older guys, the older generation of guys just used to do and used to think was funny. And he did honestly tell me, and I knew it was a joke, but I wasn't 100% sure. He would tell me if you hit one of the acidic juice,

you got points on your license. Like it was a good, like positive, like it was a game. Yeah, you weren't like brought up to be a worldly guy. You were brought like in your DNA. It's gotta be understood that, like, anxiety probably comes when you leave New York, because you weren't a guy who was encouraged to go see what's going on in other places.

No, like, I was very shocked when I had my, met my first girlfriend, I went to her house for Easter Sunday, and they didn't have the Easter bunny bread with the egg in the middle. Because that's what Aunt Janet always has. Right. And so that, so I would always have Easter bunny bread

with the egg in the middle, and I would have that with a dipepsi. And I didn't understand why they weren't getting catering from Joe and John's pizzeria for Easter Sunday and every other holiday. I didn't understand why people's moms and dads were cooking at home. I didn't get it. I said, how come everyone's not in the basement right now, you know, talking about the neighborhood and how it's changing?

Me and Jesse are a couple. Right? Right? Yeah. Right, me and Jesse are a couple of kids who can understand that. Yeah. When I was a kid, I used to get into my friend Chad's mother's pujo, and we would go to Brighton Beach. Yeah.

And then we would go to the beach, and then we'd go get a condition, and then a way back, my friend's mother would just stop and just get a little crack through the window while Light FM was on, and Lionel Richie was playing. And then her black friend, Walter, would come over

and they would just do crack in the den with a spaghetti rug on the floor. And then we would just find crack vials in the spaghetti rug. It's what it is. And that was just the 80s in New York City and it's just what it was. You were just in the back seat watching Chet's mom

smoke a little crack and you were hearing smooth operator. It's exactly what I want. Smooth operator. It's just a little Barry White sometimes would play on light FM and that's just what it was and that is the history of music to me. That's the history. Crack files in the spaghetti rug. And some of that episode you've heard at patreon.com slash historyanias because we have to edit out but it is where all the gold is and we will now read the names of the newest members of the matriarchy at patreon.com says history ain't us and as always we will pick the funniest name to be the PPW Pseudo Penis of the Week

only way to get your name read over at patreon so go ahead so right now leading us off welcome to the matriarchy Williamsburg ultimate frisbee champion Kanye West we're gonna put that on the list we're... So this is one of the first times the very first guy out of the gate gets on the list. I don't remember it. It almost never happened so congratulations. Andy L. then we have Vivek Ramaswamy stuffing salami Kamala's Fumari. Okay. It went for it. It went for a good rhyme scheme. Sarah then we got my wife's puss tastes like aqua de gigio. What's aqua de gigio?

It's the, it's a cologne. It's like a, yeah. Like a perfume? It's like a cheap. So he's saying his wife sprays cheap cologne on the puss. Yeah, yeah. Just give it, yeah, I mean, a good one. Okay, then we got Dirk, no frisbees allowed, Power Forward, 41.

Okay, okay. Now Dirk no frisbees allowed power forward 41. Okay, okay now in ski Michael No, this then we got shlomo's pager supply. No refunds Can't do it right can't do it. Yeah, can't do it, but we understand we're going yeah Then we got father bill microwave my ass like the boys did to Nagasaki It's a good one. Okay, but it was a walked into one then we got grace Elizabeth And that's a wasp We got a wasp girl on there a girl named grace for yeah Then we got so grace Elizabeth and has no fumes no few guys

So then we got vodka vodka monkey squeak with the guilty soul and small feet hashtag UCF hashtag go Knights So you're saying he's an undercover. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that's we're getting there. Okay, Phil bear Way John Cena way John instead of way John. Yeah, you have had that already. Yeah, we. That's we're getting there. Okay, Phil Bear Wei John Cena Wei John instead of Wei Zhong. Yeah, I think we've had that already. Yeah, we went for it Then we got Apollonia's nipples in Godfather part one Very nice. Nice. I like that. Those are nice nipples. Ray Mao JD trans Instead of Vance. Yeah. Yeah good one chicken finger and franks and beans. We've had that unemployed crisis actor Franks and Beans. We've had that. Unemployed crisis actor. Put him on the list. That is a fucking chicken finger that hits the list. That's a contender. That's a good one. Yeah. Then we got Uncle Russell's Leroy. That's, you can't disperse. I mean, that's someone who's just a

really attentive fan. Yeah. So what do we do? That pays attention to the details. That pays attention to the details. We did allude to that. Maybe on the Patreon. So it's Uncle Russell's Leroy. attentive fan. Yeah, so what do we do to the details? The details we have mentioned that maybe on the patreon so it's uncle Russell's Leroy it should we say if you know you know and leave it at that. Yeah that's just if you know you know. Yeah and it's very just know that we're commending you as a good one but we can't disparage. Yeah we can't disparage. Yeah it's just a detail that Chris shouldn't have said. Yeah it's just what it is It's just two personal details. Yeah, and not dispatching the families, just part of my journey through sobriety. Yeah.

So Lin Poulos, then we got On Japan, we dropped the balmy. Now we got Otani. It's so good, though. But it's a good because we talked about how the nuclear radiation may have made these guys bigger. That's why it's so good. I mean, it is a walked into one. But how the nuclear radiation may have made these guys bigger why it's so good I mean it is a walked into one but how do I not put that on the list because you are we are we are we a hundred percent

I fear an exception because the Japanese were the enemy that we can put it on do you have Otani and these guys as big And good is this without the nuclear bomb? That's the question We're asking here and that is a that's a contender and I'm putting it on the list Okay, the Japanese were the enemy at doing that time and they and they also were allowing the joke That's the question we're asking here. And that is a, that's a contender, and I'm putting it on the list. Okay. Because the Japanese were the enemy at during that time. And they also were. So I'm allowing the joke.

And they were disgraceful to the Chinese, so that needed to happen. But the good thing is we planted a seed and we grew in Otani. That's right. Okay. It's sort of like the silver lining of the situation. Okay.

It's like if you ask the Japanese people, if Otani did come from the nuclear bomb Yeah, would you take it back? Yeah, I mean the pride that you now have an Otani Yeah, was it worth it in some ways you can't make omelets without breaking a few then we got Anthony replace And then he was on she ain't here. We got one Joe Rogan stepstool We might have to give that what doubt that might have to catapult it on the list. Yeah. I mean, that's a funny. Yeah.

It's got layers. Yeah, it's got layers. So we got I ate Caitlyn Jenner's cookie. That one's got phone books. Yeah, that's what it is. So then we got I ate Caitlyn Jenner's cookie puss and now I swing right. Because she's a right wing girl. Yeah, she's cookie puss. She had a cookie puss, a Carvel right. Because she's a right-wing girl. Yeah she's

cookie puss. She had a corner puss, cookie puss, a Carvel cake which is funny. Drexler. Okay. Tomar Turvizian, Lazarus, then we got N-word Scissorhands. Wei Song Xian. It's a walk to the wood but it rhymes. Yeah it's close to Edward. He met Edward. Yeah. Okay. And then we got. So good. So good. Then we got Winnie the Jew stuck in honey Hamas tunnels. Winnie the Jew might've just got us. He spelled it J-O-O-H. It's so good. What do we do? It's a walked into one, but we can't keep it. It was tighter, right? Yeah. But we can't just keep, the walked into ones, we can't just, some of them are so good.

I know, but we're not saying Winnie, we're saying Winnie the Jew would have made it, we're saying they're not gonna make it because they put stuck in honey Hamas tunnels. Yeah, but Winnie the Pooh, but it's also good because Winnie the Pooh loves honey. Right. So I think it's, I think it's.

You wanna just put them on the list and see what happens? Throw them on the fucking list. Yeah. Okay, then we got pseudo dickless cuck,less-Cuck-Cuck-Cuck. Then we got There's No One At Spring With A Frisbee On, FFs. I don't get it. I don't get it.

Fumario LaFumes, Ian King. Then we got Can't Date My Daughter Unless You're White. So long time listener. Yeah. Then we got Joe DeRosa Parks in The Back of the Balls. OK. Because he went with a tranny. Yeah. Then we got Joe DeRosa Parks in the back of the balls. Okay. Okay. As if he went with a tranny. Yep.

Then we got, uh, Kamala Harris's okay. Can't say it cause they just full up full blown said the N word in here. Can't do that one. I mean, they said it in the song in Paris, but I just can't say it. Right. So that's a, that's a legit. Yeah. I, that actually, I couldn't actually say.

Yeah. Okay. Then we got Ivory Coast already has enough to reefs hashtag stop Trump Saying shouldn't be putting tariffs on African nations, right? I have enough to reefs. They have enough to reefs We don't need them put them on the list. All right. Yeah, that's inventive then we got Louie Sabalos Vinnie Aurora Paul then we got only Find her and Donnie T's pool. We song. Yeah, that's a walk didn't we so we got some people nower in Donnie T's pool. That's what walked into one. So we got some people now going against Trump on the pot.

Yeah we did. Because yeah, people just, you can't mess with people's money. Lady Yas Yas Yas, Dave and Mac, Steven, make no mistake when Chrissy's voice breaks, I go pewing. Let me just, before we start, so this means if we get tariff names, that means we're pretty much caught up. We are, yeah, but we still got six pages, so people are just joining. Yeah, yeah, it's great though to be caught up to the present time.

Can we make a name if you've joined for free? I don't know. No, you shouldn't be able to. No, but these are just paid members. Yeah. Got it. Yeah, no, only paid members can make names. Only paid members get their names.

Make no mistake when, oh, sorry, Louis Galapa, then we got Gay, So I Come, See Men in a Different Way. Why are the best con jam players German? Then we got gay so I come see men in a different way Why are the best con jam players German Chris Rodriguez Nicolas Dodo big Mike should commit seppuku for pulling out their sword in the sacred temple aka the White House bathroom It's very funny Drexler Adam Mascara. Then we got impractical jokers HR rep Way some she and one can't do that. But it's so good. I know, but it's a walk in. Yeah.

God, it's so good. Then we got unloaded my glue gun in my mouth. Call me Kurt. Co gang. Put them on the list. Contender catapult. Yeah. Yeah.

Put them on the list. I mean, unload your glue gun in your mouth. It is a contender. This is probably the best list we've ever had. Yes. Timothy Young, Ricardo Gomez Tejeda, then we got Dix Zillow, Jordan Groning, then we got Pro Life, aka Prager's Can't Be Choosers. Put them on the list.

Holy shit. This is too many goods. This is too good. We should stop. It's not fair. Well, let's just get through one more page. Then we got Trans Toot cutie asked me to glue on her flat chest, but I prefer crease pie. Okay. Okay. Paul O Ripper.

Peter. Yeah! Why is someone cheating? Oh shit, yeah, you're watching this! Yeah, it's just what it is! They're getting pretty inventive now. Yeah, we can't do that one. Yeah. Then we got- Very funny, obviously you can see that. Oh god, I'm crying. Then we got Dom took roofies and woke up with glue on his poopie. Funny, took roofies, got banged in the butt.

Yeah. And then we got the guy who was the best. Yeah. And then we got Dom took roofies and woke up with glue on his poopy. Funny, took roofies, got banged in the butt. Then we got raising big daddy's canes. Matt McCuck's her and Shane Fallis.

Marco Gutierrez, John Paul. Then we got Nancy Fumosi's Frisbee stockbroker. Postop Malone, which we've had. Right. Hey cuz can I scan a 1940s Frisbee with my Yucca app? It's a walked in one. Okay. Um, then we got the Lemp, the Weakway Sunshine.

Walked in one. Sorry about that. Yep. I started saying I couldn't stop. You can't, you can't, you can't read, you see when you read. That's what it is. In the brain, out the mouth. So then we got $3 Bill Nye, the day one science gay, Twink for the Table, Save My Wishbone

for the Kids, it's what it is, Alex, then we got Spooky Like Yannis, Witch Hazel Stinks Star, Michael Sheehan, Chris Tingle I like to jingle Akash Singh Street toilet Drexler yeah, yeah, so good. I mean it's just anyone it's unfair to anyone now. Yeah, I think we need to stop man Well, just look at yeah get to the bottom W then we got Jose Menendez Tucker Cochinson the resurrection the Resurrection three words. Okay, way Connery, Haggis Monkey, nice. Haggis Monkey. Barry McConaugher. Haggis Monkey would be a British kid, right?

Yeah. Scottish. Scottish Haggis, yeah. Then we got Sorry Cuz, I Had to Pirate the Special, it's just what it is, well, thank you. John Black, Zach Isisfinger blasted me with the detonation codes. Okay. Sergio's Booger Sugar. That's really good. Chicken Finger. Yep. Tom Hodggetts, Lata 14, Creams in Daydreams of Fuzzy Muzzy Reams.

Andres Blomkin, Epstein Babysitting Service. I mean, put them on the list. This is bad. This is too much. I'm telling you right now, this is bad. It's what it is. This is too much. This is the best, I'm telling you right now, this is the best list we've ever had. Bronco Church. Ever. Then we got Janis Loonie-Oonnie, Highlife93, Tyler Hulston, Awala Weed, Kevin Teacatch, My Paralysis Demon is South Macedonian Yanni, Ashley Elisis, Lucas Weiss, Shermia Brown,

Nipple Winker, Cash Patel wipes his ass with his hands. Ways on Cheating. She walked in a one. Hey, Coolio Hyena, farting in the shower makes those fumes wet and sour. Drexler, Jesus. They call me Santa Claus because I come all over my beard.

It makes his beard white. It's really inventive. Drexler. I'm sorry to you guys. It's just you're in the wrong list. Yeah. Then we got Tariff Trump tucking sack back at Studio 51, Mr. Bussey. Pops getting second while Chrissy plays Hummus Cannon. JP, Brian Alvarez, Colt Palmer, German Sri Lankan laser beam docking Akash Singh. Melted six. Ping ping, put pee pee in me, but no one care if no terror. I.F. Uh huh. You voted for Donny T. A.K. the New Fuhrer? You just got walked into one.

Yeah, yeah. You just walked into one. Okay, sorry. I can't hear it when I'm reading. I'm working a different song. You voted for Donnie T. A. K. the New Pura? You just got walked into one. Yeah, you just walked into one. I can't hear it when I'm reading. I'm walking into a different song. I know how it is. I know how it is. Jesus Christ, they're getting you bad. Ezra Frisbee Stein, war crime attorney.

Yeah, I mean, they're really going hard. Liam, and then we should be allowed to... In Paris. They got you again. Yeah, they got you again. You read it? Okay, do you want to stop here then? Stop. It's too good of a list. we should be allowed to in Paris. They got you again. Yeah, I got you again. You read it? Okay. Do you want to stop here then? Okay. So it's a short list today, but we, so we're just going to have to just for time, we're going to have to just, we got a lot of contenders. It's just not fair to people at this point. Okay. So let me read them

out. Williamsburg ultimate Frisbee champion, Kanye West. We're going to, we're going to Drex for that. Drex for that. Any other day. Unemployed crisis actor. That's so good. So there's still now. Okay. On Japan, we dropped the bomb.

Now we got Ota- on Japan, we dropped the bombie. Now we got Otani. You got to keep it. Keep it in. If people read that on history of Hyenas is Back, do we look like a really horrible people? Yeah. Yeah. So we're going to, we're going to, we're going to keep it for us, but we just know it can't win on the list. That's right. Okay. Joe Rogan step stool. We got to get rid of that because we just got to get rid

of that even though it's a goodie. Okay. Winnie the Jew stuck in honey Hamas tunnels. Do we have the same Otani problem? We have the same problem. So keep it for now. Just we're keeping it for now, but just know you're not gonna win I don't know if you can't put your name up there in lights I don't know if you can be lights So what we could actually do though is if these two one of these two do come down to being the winner We won't put them on history and is is back calm We'll put them up on patreon, right? So because you can't put them in lights for free right exactly and by the way

we still we we did the we did the poll and Remember we did that one episode where we said we were gonna let the Decide so we have to put up the winner from that put up the winner from that Tony if you're listening put up the winner Yeah, Ivory Coast already has enough tariffs a tariff stop Trump. We're gonna we're gonna chew We're gonna direct through that. Direct through that, okay, good, good try. Yeah. Then we got unloaded my glue gun in my mouth,

call me Kurt cocaine. Co-gain. Yeah. Like co-bane, but they spell the G-A-Y-N. That's another, I mean, what do we do with that? I feel like that's more okay. Yeah. So keep it around.

Keep it around. Okay, and then we got pro-life, aka preggers can't be choosers. We're going to keep that. Okay. That's probably going to win. And then we got Epstein babysitting service, which I like, but I thought we've had. I don't know. Yeah, we might have. I don't know. That's the only thing, but it is goodie. Keep it around. Okay. These are all contenders. So here's the contenders. No, no, no, no. Yeah. No, no, no, no. Yeah, no. Put that out there.

Yeah, that was, yeah, that was walked into one. Yeah, Jesse just doubled it. Yeah. So we got unemployed crisis actor. On Japan we dropped the bami. Now we got Otani. Okay, so let's get rid of, on the bami we dropped Otani. Okay, and then we're also gonna have to get rid of Winnie the Jew stuck in Honey Hamas

Tunnels. Yeah, we're gonna get rid of... Now, really we got unemployed crisis actor. And we also have unloaded my glue gun in my mouth, call me Kurt Kogane. Let's direct to that one just because, you know, we don't wanna do suicide either. So unemployed crisis actor, pro-life,

AKA preggers can't be choosers. It's really between unemployed crisis actor and pro-life, AKA preggers can't be choosers. That's right. I'm gonna go, we haven't had a good chicken finger victory, so my vote is for Unemployed Crisis Actor. Okay, so Unemployed Crisis Actor, you are the PPW up in lights.

You can see your name at historyhyenasisback.com. However, at patreon.com, slash history hyenas, you will be able to see Winnie the Jew stuck in honey hummus tunnels. On Japan, we dropped the balmy, now we got Otani. Peter and Epstein babysitting service. So so tony listen put those up on the patreon sentient alright and come see us christy comedy dot com for my standup

dates yannis poppins comedy dot com for all standup dates or both of our dates up at history and is his back dot com yanni go see him in cleveland and come see me in albany and new haven connecticut at the end of april