History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - February Bonus Calls!

Episode Date: March 14, 2020

The Cuzzies call the matriarchy and make no mistake it gets WILD! Chris is currently plant-based and it's showing! Yanni gets way too comfy womfy! Who are you voting for, how do you describe your piece, why are so many of you answering your phone in the bathroom?!  Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

what's up cuzzy wuzzies you're listening to the bayed In Kid, broadcasting my piece to the cloud. It's what it is. It's what it is. Welcome to the bonus phone call history. Yeah, we're going to do 30 seconds with each person. We got so many people. So it's just real quick. Yeah, we're German today.

We're German today. There's just, you know. But remember who loves you, baby gorgeous. Nobody else does this but us. Right. That's what I'm saying. But no, I'm not saying to you. I'm saying to them out there, baby gorgeous.

I called them baby gorgeous. I know you always want to be known as Baby Gorgeous. Hello, this is Joe. Hey, what's up, Joe? Oh, fuck. Is this Chris? It's Chris. Now, we only got 30 seconds because we got so many people, so just real quick, height, weight, political affiliation.

All right, six feet, 210. I got, John. Six feet, 210. I got to go for the burn, man. You're going to feel the burn? Feel the burn. You were going to get banged out, but now I'm not. Go get in your sedan, you FF. Good choice.

Good choice. He's an honest guy. What's your favorite moment of the cast? Quick. My favorite what? Moment of the podcast. Yeah. We fired Zach

I mean I work for Cheeto man I work for Cheeto On Whiskey Ginger But I mean you guys Are a close second you know Wow We love Andrew Santino I'm Cheeto's boy dude

I'm working for him So what do you want me to say Oh you work for him? Yeah I work for him Wow You're an LAFF No No no no no I'm out here in Boston man But uh Wow I do all the sign shit for him And Wow. You're an LAFF. No, no, no, no. I'm out here in Boston,

man, but I do all the sign shit for him and all that shit. We're the one that did the artwork for the episode you guys did for us. Oh, shit. That was so dope, dude. Thank you. Listen, hun, thanks so much for all your support. I'm going to give you a kiss on the lips right now. All right. We got to go. Love you, babe.

All right. Take it easy, man. Peace. Love you. Yeah. What happened to the Heybert time limit? We don't have the button anymore, though. Yeah, babe. All right. Take it easy, man. Peace. Love you. Yeah. What happened to the Hey Bert time limit? We don't have the button anymore, though. Yeah. I said Hey Bert. Yeah. Yeah.

That works. It works enough. How is he? Is he okay? Hey Bert. He just keeps texting me about his show. I mean, I just don't know. You know?

I just can't respond to it. Is it dislocated again? Yeah. I can't respond. I said I can't respond to it. I'm looking up alternatives for meat. This is Colin Landers. So I know what you need.

An impossible burger. Do you like Beyond Meat now? I don't like that stuff. I'm a kid who likes beans. Your kid likes beans. Now, we should take over and under how long Chris is going to last as a vegan. What's up, babe? Hey, what's up, babe?

Yeah, what's going on? Oh, wow. Juan, you got an accent. Like, where the hell are you from? Minnesota? No, that's mid-Atlantic. That guy's from the Jersey area, aren't you? I am from New Jersey, but I was watching The Sopranos, and it's all in my head.

I don't actually know. Yeah. Go get yourself a weirder. Fortunately. Listen, you only got 30 seconds because you got so many people to call. So real quick, what best describes your penis? Baby gorgeous? Cute?

Or fumes? Fumes. Gotta be huge. Yeah. Now, what's going on? You live with your mother? No, I'm at school. Oh, you're at school. You're a young, screwed-in kid. But you used your mother? No, I'm at school. Oh, you're at school.

You're a young, screwed-in kid. But you used your mom's credit card to pay for this Patreon membership, didn't you? No, sir. Working at the coffee shop. Oh, yeah. Wow. A cup of coffee. All right, we got to go.

See you on Grindr. Yes, sir. Love you, babe. Thank you for your membership. We'll just hang up on them, too. Yeah, it's what we're doing at this point. Yeah. We love all you guys.

These are $25 members. If you join our Patreon at patreon.com slash bayridgeboys at the $25 level, you're an exclusive high-ranking hyena who gets a call from us, and it's what it is. I mean, look, we don't care too much about the call, but you get it. You just get it. Okay? This is Hamid Sadmonkey with Fumes, ready to go. Boom. Ahala. Akbar. Mazila. Wow. I mean, look, we don't care too much about the call, but you get it. You just get it, okay? This is Hamid Sadmonkey with Fumes, ready to go boom.

Allah Akbar. Wow. So this one we have to give a little bit more attention to because he is Muslim, and we don't want to be perceived as racist. Yeah. We can't hear you, Benatia. Do you want to ask him if he's coming to the live show? Sure.

Okay, let me ask him. Yeah. Wow. Wait, wait. I was going to do Mahad Sure. Okay, let me ask him. Yeah. Wow. Wait, wait. I was going to do Mahadad. I was going to leave him like it was his cousin. Yeah. Mahadad.

Then we have to take out the number. Okay. Okay. Let's just go to the next one. Mike Schmott. Mike Schmott. Mike Schmott. Mike Schmott. By the way.

This is steak sauce. Give it to steak sauce. Guys, go look at historyhyenas.com. We got two live theater shows, History Hyena Podcast live in Norwalk, Connecticut in April. But right now, you're probably listening and going, oh, shit, I got to go get my tickets for March 19th at the Gramercy in New York City. 7.30. Did you hang up on steak sauce? He hung up on us.

Wow. Wow. He knew. Did you hang up on Steak Sauce? He hung up on us. Wow. He knew. Also, I'm at Gotham Comedy Club February 21st and 22nd and at Uncle Vinny's in New Jersey in Point Pleasant

February 28th and 29th. That's what it is. Yeah. So, come on, Mikey. We got to call these people. Chrissy's going to fucking get Jason. Chrissy's going to have chicken nuggets if it takes any longer. Yeah.

Because is it a little hard, though, to be plant-faced? No, I'll probably have fish or something tonight. I'm mostly plant-faced. What's up? Hey, what's up, guy? How you doing, baby? Gorgeous. What's up?

What's going on, guy? What are you, in the bathroom? What you doing? Yeah, I was shaving, and I was listening to the most recent episode on my fucking phone. Wow. You sound like a kid of cartoon. I mean, you got a voice like, what are you?

Are you from Canadian? He's Canadian back. No, I'm fucking English, cuz. Are you from England? Wow. I'm fucking English, buddy. What part of England are you from? I'm from the north, from Newcastle. Oh, from Newcastle. I picked up and left that shit hole.

I'm from the fucking place that you bailed out on and didn't do the show and lied to everyone. Fuck yeah. That's for supporting. You sound like Shrek. Yeah, but you know what? We're coming back. We're going to do live podcast Podcast here for you And your family

Over beans and toast It's what it is You guys got good cuisine Wow You gotta get some Fucking black pudding there cuz Wow That's right cuz

That's right How come you sound Schoolers Cause I'm from up north That's why Like you've been to Newcastle I mean you weren't there For very long

You ran away I did You know what people sound like Cuz why are you shaving It's one o'clock In the morning there No I I live in Seattle Oh every long, you ran away. I didn't know what people sounded like. Cuz, why are you shaving? It's 1 o'clock in the morning there. No, I live in Seattle.

Oh, you're a Seattle kid now. You're a Seattle cutie. I'm going to be in Seattle in October if you're going to be there. I am going to be in Vancouver in April on my birthday, and I bet I get a kiss on the lips. Yeah, you are. But listen, the Haybird time limit has just ran out. We've got 30 seconds. So quick question.

If you were to describe your piece in one word, would it be baby gorgeous, cute, or fumes? Oh, it would be baby cute. Yeah, baby cute. He made up his own one. All right, I'll see you in Narnia. Take care, John Lennon. Yeah, kids sounded like Paul McCartney. Yeah, he's just got a British accent.

I mean, those kids, they're just not sexual beings. Because you had a type of energy today that I've never experienced before. You're not Chrissy Pancakes anymore. You're Chrissy Plant Base. Ty Ty F Chrissy once and never called back because he fucks like an FF. Yeah. You want to prank call this one?

I have a hard-boiled zucchini in my ass. What's this area code? I'm trying to place it. I like that this is a fun, no-pressure episode that I always enjoy. Get him No pressure episode That I always enjoy Get him out of here I always enjoy And I always enjoy

How much Chrissy Wants to get it over with I can't Yeah I just want a piece Of Texas toast Because here's the deal If you go on a real date

Now with somebody They're not They're not The women aren't Going to like that Because women are not into vegan guys. I'm not vegan,

I'm plant-based. What does that mean? It's just a different, I'll still eat. Hi, you've reached Dan Zerbe's cell phone. Dan Zerbe's? Dan Zerbe's.

If you leave a message, I will call you back as soon as I can. Let's do a lot of 14. At the tone, please record your message. This counts as a call. Just real quick.

Yeah, real quick, yeah. Hey, how you doing Dan It's Sean Terry From Loud 14 I'm here with Patty Maloney And we just We're making calls

Just getting people's vote Making sure We're just We're doing our things For our community leaders Make sure you go out there And your hand goes to the right Yeah it's just what it is

Make sure you're a zerpy With a slurpy Do the fucking right thing In 2020 Trump 2020 Yeah so Yeah, it's just what it is. Make sure you're a zerpy with a slurpy. Do the fucking right thing in 2020, Trump 2020. Yeah, so what is the difference between vegetarian and plant-based? Well, no, I'm just... Is it like one...

Being vegan... No, being vegan... Cackle alert. Being vegan is 100% nothing from an animal. I'm not saying I'm doing that. I'm just going 90% plant-based. Get him out of here. If they don't pick up the call,

they get their... Well, he gets his call. If you don't pick up, whatever, you get your call. There's too many people. Yeah. No, I don't want to waste the time. They're not going to listen to it.

Nobody listens to voicemails anymore. Andrew Schultz's studio video is already at like 150,000 views. Yeah, because, you know... He shot it in three seconds. Yeah, he shot it in three seconds. So what can you do? What can you do?

We just live in a new world. The truffle pig's getting fired, so. There's no way he listens to Patreon. No, he don't even listen to the podcast. He doesn't know where we are, ever. He doesn't know what's going on. Just get him out of here. Yeah, listen.

He just wants to figure out a sitcom to pitch. Because we might be able to pitch it in 1997 if they're available to have a meeting. If 1997 is available, we'll go in. I want to go see the 1975 at Madison Square Garden. I want to go watch this. Did you hear about the 1975? There was a rumor that he's in the hospital. The lead singer.

Matt Healy again. Drug overdose. But there's a lot of things on Twitter joking that he had the coronavirus. And then there was like a bunch of tweets about that. That's not funny. He doesn't have the coronavirus. I know he doesn't. I was hoping it wasn't going to be.

And I thought of you. I know someone who loves it. This is Mikey Hot. You know someone who has it? No, he said he knows someone who loves that band. Hello? Hello? Yo, how you doing, guy?

Chrissy D and Yanni P. What's up, hon? Yo, are you doing, guy? Chris C.D. and Yanni P. What's up, hon? Yo, are you kidding me? You're right, baby gorgeous. And you only have 30 seconds. Who are you voting for come November? Oh, my God. Well, all right, real quick.

Yo, me and my boys are real fans, you guys. Like, I'm super sad on Xbox. I just changed my name to Fanuc. He's Perjudo. We represent. I'm telling you, boo. I just changed my name to Fanuc. He's prosciutto. We represent. I'm telling you, boo. I like this kid. You're wild.

You're a wild kid. I would eat prosciutto if it was last week, but it's not plant-based. So you're a tag team called Fanuc and Prosciutto? Yeah, we play Call of Duty, and we just bash kids, and we put on our Italian accents accents and we just fuck with everybody. Yeah, where are you from? Where are you from? Where are you from, guy?

Well, right now I live up in Upper Westchester. Sorry, I'm so nervous. No, you don't have to be nervous. You live in Westchester. Yeah. Yeah, I remember watching those videos when I was in middle school, man. I used to fucking die. You're a young kid.

You're a young kid, huh? Shouldn't have been watching videos of people doing accents like that in middle school. I'm going to be 26 in April. Yeah. You're going to come to our show at the Gramercy Theater March 19th? I'm going to try. I got to see. I want to try to get a buddy to come with me.

What about April 29th? I'll see if that works out. April 29th, Wall Street Theater, Norwalk, Connecticut. You can come to that one, too. Go get the hit tickets. Yeah, it's closer to you, actually, Norwalk, I think. Let me ask you a question, Guy. What's your ranking in Call of Duty?

Right now, I'm like 154. I've been just playing it. Well, I don't know if you guys know how the new Call of Duty works, but not to get too nerdy. I'll tell you what. My brother-in-law, he's top 10 in the fucking world. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you one thing I know. I just want to go to the list

and see Finook and Prosciutto. We got to go, we got to go, but I don't know what the, I don't know what any of this means, but what I do know for sure, 100% for sure, is that your mother's very proud of you.

Oh, of course, yeah. She's asking who I'm talking to right now. Absolutely, yeah. You live with her, you play cool, do it, it's what it is. You're probably not going to be able to find a asking who I'm talking to right now. Absolutely, yeah. You live with her. You play Call of Duty. It's what it is. You're probably not going to be able to find a friend to come with you to the show. But we're going to give you a ticket anyway.

Just DM me. I'll give it to you. I don't care. Thank you. All right, see you later. We love you, man. Yeah. Yeah.

He's nervous just because he has no social skills because he plays Call of Duty every day. Yeah. I can't do this for much longer. I mean, how many more? Because these are our people. You have to do it. It's like 10 minutes, Chris. Yeah, Chris can't do this for much longer. So, I mean, how many more? Because this is, these are our people. You have to do it. It's like 10 minutes, Chris. Yeah, Chris, it's not hard work at all.

I don't want to do it. This is not hard work. Quit saying that. Split your bubble or something. Yeah, just suck it up. We're fucking making prank phone calls. It's not that hard. 30 seconds.

Why do you sound like you're in a bathtub? Hello? Hello? This is History Hyenas. Guy, you sound like you're underwater. It's History Hyenas minus Zach. He got fired today. Oh, man.

What's up? What's up, Guy? Listen. How you doing? Good. How you doing? Why do you sound like you're in a bathroom right now? Are you taking a deuce? I was taking a piss.

How's your flow? How's your prostate? Pretty good, actually. Now, you're from the South. Yes, sir. What state? North Carolina. North Carolina.

So you're comfortably voting for Donald Trump, and it's what it is. I mean, Hibbert., and it's what it is. I mean, Hibbert. No, he's never voted before. Okay, listen. He's our convict. Okay. I got a request from you right now in that bathroom, buddy.

I want you to look down at that piece of yours. Look down at that piece. Say howdy to it. And I want you to explain to us in one word what you see. Is your piece cute? Is it baby gorgeous? Or is it fumes? I see disappointment.

Disappointment. I like that. Are you wart free? Say what? You got warts? No. Nice. Are we your favorite podcast?

Without a doubt. Yeah. Are you plant-based or do you eat meat? I eat meat. Now, when you take a piss, do you sit down or do you stand? It depends. The coronavirus is a biological weapon made by the Chinese. True or false?

Very true. Absolutely. Kids from down south. What's your name, guy? What's Luke Miller? Luke Miller. Luke Miller. I mean, this kid is fucking southern.

I feel like I'm talking to a human banjo. I mean, I feel like I'm talking to chewing tobacco come to life. Yeah, I feel like, yeah, I want you, yeah, you're going to, listen, we're going to come to your house and you're going to fuck me in the ass like deliverance. It's what we're going to do. Do you have a- Sounds like a plan. Yeah. You got on flip-flops right now and some dip in your mouth

with a baseball cap that's got duct tape holding the hat together. That's it. That's it. That kid is sold. On a good day, you weigh 350 pounds. True or false? Because you take barbecue and stuck it in your ass. Yes.

All right, babe, listen, we got to go because we got more people to call. We just want to say thank you for your support. And most importantly, thank you. Long live the South. Yeah, long live the South. And clean off that toilet bowl. You got a little dribble on there. Yeah.

See, it's fun, Chris. It's not that hard work. You can't do it much longer. It's, yeah. You want a cookie? Yeah, let me get one of Y longer. It's, yeah. You want a cookie? Yeah, let me get one of Yaya's. Wait, no, is there, wait, there's plant, there's milk in there. No, 90% though.

Oh, yeah, you can do the 10%. Give me one of those fucking cookies. This is Greg. Broke up with my chick to get cracked open on the FF. Greg, what's up? You broke up with your chick? How are you doing? You feel good?

Chrissy B, what's up? What's up, hon? How are you? You're going to get kissed sweetly on what's up? What's up, hon? How are you? You're going to get kissed sweetly on the lips if you come to our show on March 19th at the Gramercy Theater. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm pretty sure a whole group of me and my friends are going to that. Kid's a drinker.

And we're going to see you. Yeah. Hell yeah. Obviously. Where else are you going? We're going to fucking Giannis' show on February 19th with a whole fucking 12 of us going through that shit. It's February 21st or 22nd, but whatever. Yeah, whatever.

Yeah, kid's a drinker. God damn it, I'm a fucking drinker. You think I fucking pay attention to the goddamn dates? Kid's hammered at 7.30 p.m. right after work. I like you. Hey, bro. Yeah. I'm eating Yaya's cookies right now.

You're eating Yaya's cookies? I need Yaya's cookies. What do you do for work? What are you? A pilot? Yeah, I'm a pilot. You do the bags for JetBlue? She said he's a butt pilot. Greg, listen. We gotta go. We have to hatebird time limits, so just

who are you voting for this November, real quick? Obviously, Trumpy Boy. Yeah, baby. I'll see you later. You know when you hear Trumpy Boy, he's comfortably Republican. Well, he's got a pet name for the president. Yayas Cookies, because they hate it when we eat

on the cast. Who cares, right? Nothing we can do on plant-based. I don't care. Yeah. Vivian Ward. Vivian's going to, if I have a second child, Vivian, I may name my daughter Vivian after Pretty Woman. How funny is that, kid? It's like, I'm coming to see Yanni on January 19th, whatever. He don't care.

He don't know what the fuck to do. I love when my baby's mom, when we were picking names, my baby's mom wanted to name our daughter Aislinn. And I said, here's the thing, babe. You're a great person, but the kid's getting a white name. Okay? It's getting a white name and a white life. So it's not going to be named Aislinn. Give him another fucking cookie.

He's starting to get racist. Yeah. Feed him some cookies. Why'd you start hearing shit like that? Kid's blood sugar's low. I mean, you know what I mean? We're not having birthday parties for our daughter in the park. It's not going to happen.

So, you know? Her name's... We're going to do a white name. It's just what it's going to be. Yeah. Some problems can only be solved with a Yaya's cookie. Yeah, with a Yaya's cookie. Why am I having so much fun?

I don't know why I'm... Nobody's picking up this is good. That means get them out of here. All right, cut them off. If they don't pick up after the third ring, they're out. That's the new rule. Three rings and you're out. Dunkaroos are coming back.

Did anybody see that? Fuck yeah. It's on your post. It's got to stop. When did this start? Fuck yeah. It's got to stop. When did this start, this trend? Back and close. You really hate my pants. It's not you.

It's all the girls. What is this? My name is Jeff. I pound with the left. I love this guy. He posts a lot. My name is Jeff and I pound off. He goes, my name is Jeff.

I pound off with the left. I love this guy he posts constantly he's an all he's definitely an all star he's one of Lisa Johnson's all stars is she still around? yeah

yeah absolutely fuck she hasn't seen Lisa Johnson in a while we should check in with her and see what kind of she's coming to the show yeah

I mean she's just like we'll never miss, I mean, she's just like, we'll never miss a show, Lisa Johnson. She's a great fan. Yeah. I mean, how great a name is that? My name is Jeff, I pound off with the left. It's a 10 out of 10 name.

Paul Lockwood, Tequila Bosses. Make no mistake, it's in your tata. Okay. I mean, yeah, if they get mad at me for kicking back during the bonus episode, I mean, you know, fuck you guys. It's the bonus episode. It's more laid back.

I know. I look so fat in this pose. We're having a good time. I know a lot of you are watching this. Hey, how you doing, guys? It's the History Hyenas. Let me ask you a question. Are you a piece?

I'm a piece. Yeah. So, if you had to describe your piece in one word, would it be baby, gorgeous, cute, or fumes? Ooh. I'm going to go with cute. You got a cute piece. Me too. I think mine's going cute.

I think Chris is going, ah! I think it's more of a, ah! What's that? What can you do is going, ah! I think it's more of a, ah! What's that? What can you do? Why is there a bump on it? No, I got no STDs. What's this guy's name again? The Pollock with the kill boss

that'll make no mistake is in your daughter. Baby. Oh my God, when you guys read it, I was so upset because Chris was like, stay away from my daughter.

I'm like, oh my God, I just pissed off Chris. No, never. Babe, are you going to come to the show March 19th at the Gramercy Theater in New York City? Oh, I got a flight to New York. Ooh. Where do you live? Florida.

Oh. Wow. Well, we got a good show down there for the Floridians. Because Florida kids. Yeah, that's what I was saying to you guys. I mean, it'd be awesome. I think you guys would have a kick-ass time down here. Where are you?

What part of Florida? West Palm Beach. Oh, hell yeah, man. Love West Palm Beach, dude'd be awesome. I think you guys would have a kick-ass time down here. Where are you? What part of Florida? West Palm Beach. Oh, hell yeah, man. Love West Palm Beach, dude. Fuck yeah. Like, how much drugs do you do on, like, a normal week down there? Oh, no, no more. No more.

I'm a good boy now. Okay. Whenever you hear I'm a good boy now, that means it used to be a lot. All right, hon. Listen, what's been your favorite moment of the podcast so far? You know what? My favorite moment was actually the first couple of episodes. I got into you guys around, I think, like 60 or 70.

Wow. And then I re-listened to all the, like, I'm up to 30 from iTunes, and then I started doing the Patreon. Wow. It was just so good. I appreciate it, boy. Thank you so much. You started listening to the podcast BZ before Zach.

I think so. Or was it AD after Bert? Bert. Before Zach, after Bert. Yeah. Well, Zach's fired. All right, listen, babe. We got to go.

We got more people to call. Just want to love you. And we know you got nothing to do because you're in Florida, so just keep sitting there. You know what's a problem that some people are saying on Patreon? We'll talk about it off air about what to do with the pre-sale, but the bigger problem, that's the first night of March Madness, which is, that sucks.

Because a lot of our fans, three fans, three wrote, I would go, but it's college. College b-ball, college b-ball. Is this Clayton? I didn't know Sandy's were confused. That sucks. Because even I love watching the first night. And it's a Thursday.

It's that Thursday. I know. It sucks. Because I would love to watch the fucking college tourney. Yeah. I mean, what can you do, right? You've got to go up against things. But I feel like a lot of our fans watch college sports. Yeah. Well, I know Jeff pounds off what the left does. What can you do, right? Y'all got to go up against things. But I feel like a lot of our fans watch college sports.

Yeah. Well, I know Jeff pounds off what the left does. What can you do? Maybe we'll just, you know what we'll do? We'll do a Venetian dating contest. We'll do that. No, but we'll just start the show and then... Clayton Taylor.

Oh, fuck this Clayton Taylor. Remember this kid? And then 10 minutes in, we'll just put on True TV and we'll just put the fucking tournament on. Is this the kid that used to Snapchat you crimes? What's up, babe? Clayton Taylor. No, I don't think it's this kid. Listen, babe.

Yeah, it is. Come to the show March 19th at Gramercy Theater, New York City. We just found out it's the first night of March Madness, so what can you do? Maybe we'll even do a comedy show. We'll just be a viewing party for the first round at Gramercy Theater. Because Clayton Taylor's been around since BB before Bert. He's been around

that long. Alright, let's hang up on him. You want to do a Venetia dating game? Have guys call in? Yes, if that's comfortable with Venetia and if she feels up to it. Yeah, if we could do it for fun, Venetia? I mean, you'll never have to date these guys, but see what they would try to say. We'll call it like a

Venetia dating game. Can we do a thing where we get you out hooked up to like a... We get you out the dating game and then we get your dad hooked up to a blood pressure machine? All on the same stage? Yeah. Isaac. Okay, I'm going to practice on Isaac. Okay.

Vanity. Vanity is the best. Hello? Isaac, how are you, my friend? It's the History Hyenas. What's up? What's up, buddy? Where are you?

Where do you live? Houston. Oh, you're a Houston fan. Yeah, I blew a guy there. Okay, yeah, Chris, you blew a guy there. Yeah. He's familiar. Is it you?

Yeah, it's me. Okay, we're doing a new thing. It's called the Vanity Dating Game. You have two questions to win Vanity over or statements. Go ahead. Hit her with it. What would you say to Vanity to win her over? I have no idea. I don't know. I don't know what she looks like. Oh, wow. to win her over. Ouch.

I have no idea. I don't know. I don't know what she looks like. Oh, wow. The kid's a real practical kid and he's into anime. No. No. Not at all.

What do you do for a living, cuz? I'm a welder. Oh, man. We love you, blue collar kids. And you're a Mexican kid. Yeah, I am. Yeah. You can tell. Mexican kids got that little, like... You said, I'm a welder? I'm a Mexican kid. Yeah, I am. Yeah. Mexican kids got that little like.

I'm a welder. I'm a welder. Where were you born? On this side of the wall or the other? Where are you right now? I'm in Houston right now. No, but I know. But tell me exactly where because I'm calling ICE.

Yeah, he didn't think that was funny. I'm just kidding around. You're a good kid, and we appreciate all your support. It sounds like he has random hyena cackles on his phone. I know. Are you on a motorcycle? No, it's on my speaker in the car. Hold on.

Oh. Yeah. Does it sound better now? Is it a Toyota Corolla? Are you a squeak? Nah, it's a Charger. Are you a squeak of a kid or are you a tall kid? 5'8". Oh, you're normal.

Normal size kid. Yeah, normal size kid. Welder. Yeah, yeah. I love these blue collar kids, man. Yeah. Good kid. You married? No, sir. No, sir. How old are you? 24. Where'd you have your quinceañera? I had it back home in Mexico.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, we love, shout out Mexico. We love it, and we hope that our countries can start seeing eye to eye. I think they already do see eye to eye. Yeah. Yeah. Chrissy's wild.

Throw me over the wall if I fuck up. No, I would never throw you over the wall, babe. No, babe, you're too close to the wall. We just Chris is wild. Throw me over the wall if I fuck up. No, I would never throw you over the wall, babe. No, babe. You're too close to the wall. We'd just push you over. That's what it is. We don't even need the catapult. No, yeah.

I would just put a jarito on a stick and you'd walk over. You work for jaritos. Isaac, thank you so much, baby. Besitos, besitos. Besitos. We love you, Isaac. Good kid. Nice kid. One more, right? Let's do two more. Besitos, besitos. Besitos. We love you, Isaac. Good kid. Nice kid.

One more, right? Let's do two more. There's two that responded. Okay. Isaac, thank you. All the people were calling. I'm pissed about the fucking March Madness, I think. Don't worry about it, man.

It's going to be great. You're too clear. You're too plant-based. This is Choochum Loochum? Choochum Loochum? Yeah. Hello. Hi. Hello. Hi.

Hey. This is... What's up, man? This is Julia Roberts. What's up? How you doing? You good? I'm good.

Yeah, bro. How y'all doing? I'm plant-based. I got no energy. How you doing? It's Rudy Giuliani. What's your name, guy? No, my name's Alex.

What's up, Alex? You sound like a cute girl. I'm here from Houston, so. Wow. Another guy from Houston. Are you the guy that I blew? No, but I was thinking that maybe you might be scared to pick up if I told you that I was a guy from Houston. No, we just spoke to the guy he blew.

His name was Isaac, and he was a 24-year-old welder. Oh, God. Yeah. That's not good. Damn, it's crazy. What are you all up up to not much man do you have a mullet uh no why do i sound like i have one no you sound but mullets are back in now i feel like you'd be a little based off your voice i think you'd have a nice looking mullet

yeah like one like like who like uh theo or bobby lee like theo vaughn or bobby lee those are both good kids and they're both squeaks yeah they're both're both squeaks. Oh, Theo's a squeak? Theo's a bit of a squeak. How tall is he? Not that, you know, 5'8 or something. No, he's... I saw Theo Vaughn in person. He came to Houston and he performed at the Houston Improv and he's like 5'9 or something like that. How was his stand-up? He's not that bad.

It was good, but y'all need to come to Houston, so I don't know what's up with that. I know, I was... We'll be there, we just don't like the city. I was planning to come there and then I canceled it it because I didn't have, you know, it was just financial reasons. But I do love your city. Yeah, we do love it. We do love it. I'm kidding.

I love your city. It's just too spread out. Yeah, no, that's true. Yeah. And there's only probably like one or two spots to go to. But, yeah, and I feel like probably the whole Astro shit, y'all probably don't even want to come here anyway yeah you guys are cheaters just dirty dirty cheaters yeah yeah yeah um listen guy we love you so much um what's your favorite moment of the cast why not tell us tell us shit um i mean pearl harbor is always a good one but i really like the haitian one

oh yeah or the uh there was there y'all were reading off the Patreon names, and someone had something that dealt with the Father Bill, but I couldn't remember exactly what it was. Yeah, we've had a few of those. They're dying laughing. You can always tell the hardcore fans when they get that question, and they answer it immediately. So we appreciate you so much, man.

Thank you. Love you, baby. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, they just get hung up on, and that's just something they're going to get used to. Yeah, it's just they love it. It's called the, let's give it a name, the Chrissy Cut-Off.

Chrissy Cut-Off. You're just not going to get a chance to say bye. Yeah. Yeah. Chrissy, you're just my fuck boy now. I'm your fuck boy. I'm going to come in and get a cup of coffee with you, and then I'm going to get out of town.

Erica. Erica. Erica! Finally, a girl. Maybe ask her about the t-shirt. Hello? Hey, Erica. How you doing? Hi, babe.

Hey. What's going on? Babe, we're going to make t-shirts that say Baby Gorgeous. Will you buy them? Erica. Yes. Are you there, Baby Gorgeous? I know.

We're going to make t-shirts that say Baby Gorgeous. Would you buy one of them? I would, yes. Happy Black History Month. Happy Black History Month. What state do you live in? I live in Texas. Ooh. What state do you live in? I live in Texas. Ooh.

What city? I am living in Arlington, where the Dallas Cowboys play. Yes. Wow. Yeah. So you know exactly where her hand's going during election day.

No, but she's black. She's going to vote left. Oh, she's, how do you know she's black? I'm not black. She's not black. Erica, yes you are. I'm half Mexican. Yeah. No black. Erica, yes you are. I'm half Mexican.

Yeah. No, well, don't deny it, you racist. I'm not racist. I'm kidding. Are you a Mexican that votes for Trump or no? No, she's going to the left. Oh, no. Fuck.

No, no, no. I've only voted once in my life, and that was back in 2012. I voted for Gary Johnson. Well, that was a mistake. I'm one of those crazy libertarians. A lot of people like to say about us. What do you do, babe? Erica, what do you do down there in Texas, in Arlington?

I am a medical coder. Where'd you have your quinceañera? Where'd you have your quinceañera? Actually, I was offered one, but I didn't want it at the time because I was ashamed. Because I got picked on. Why? Because you were hanging out with too many whites? I don't know.

Because kids are mean. It was middle school. White kids are racist. Let's just call it what it is. What it is. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it was. I mean, yeah. I've been called the N-word before.

Shoot. Jesus. Well, I figured in Texas, that's how you guys greet people down there. Can you run me down in case I put vegetables on my nipples and call me a chrysidea? A chrysidella. People really are not racist down here. I'm joking. It's a big misconception.

I mean, we love everybody. I went to school with Mexicans, with blacks. We worked with them. You love everybody. Black women are the best to work with. Yeah, you love everyone, but the kids were mean to you, though. But, yeah, I mean, that's just kids. I mean, it doesn't matter.

Bullying is just a part of middle school. Erica, in your part of Texas, you love everyone as long as they have a U.S. passport. Hey, Bert. My dad came here illegal, and he voted for Trump. So if that's his thing. Wow. If that's not the American dream right there. Don't tell any of my dad's family because they don't know.

Yeah, a bunch of our listeners just went, pew-ing. Pew-ing. All right, Erica, I love you. Mwah, mwah, mwah. Besitos. Because we truly do have, like, both sides of the spectrum and everything in between listening to this podcast. It's very exciting.

It is very exciting. Yeah, is that it? That's all for right now. All right. That was fun. That was cute. That was always fun. It was cute.

Did you survive that hard work? I survived. Yeah, it was just so hard. It's always fun. It was cute. Did you survive that hard work? I survived. Yeah. It was just so hard. It's so hard. The phone call episode is really hard for you. Plant-based. Yeah, you're plant-based.

Thank you, guys. Listen, you're $25 members. We love you so much. We'll see you at the next phone call episode next month. Remember, when you join at $25 a month, you could get another call. It's so random. We picked the names out of the hat. We don't even know how I do it.

You might get called more than once. And also, if you see Chris here on the street. We don't even know how to do it. You might get called more than once. And also, if you see Chris here on the street, remember, you're the producer of the podcast. Ask him for a handy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Outro Music