History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - From Belgium to Wall Street: The Dirty Birth of the Stock Market

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

Yannis and Chris take you on a wild ride back to the very first stock market—then keep going all the way to ancient Greece and Rome, where guys in togas were investing in ship voyages. They break down what the market is, how it started, and why it still confuses the average person. Along the way, they spotlight Hetty Green, the OG “Wall Street witch” who became the richest woman in the game, hit the Great Depression like a bear market fever dream, and cruise through the turbulence of the industrial boom. Let these two twink cubs teach you the purpose of the stock market—for companies and investors alike—and the difference between a bull and a bear market! Support our sponsors: Get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 at https://Talkspace.com Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://BlueChew.com! Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code HYENAS -- just pay $5 shipping. Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code HYENAS at https://shopmando.com! #mandopod #comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://teespring.com/stores/historyhyenas Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm Chris Hadfield, astronaut and citizen of planet Earth. Join me on a journey into the systems that power the world. No politics, just real conversations with real people shaping the future of energy. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Chris DiStefano, AKA Chrissy Too Much Coffees. With me as always, Janis Papas, aka Yanni Lodos. AKA Yanni with a little egg white caught between his teeth.

It's what it is, cause handsome Yanni, tan Yanni, five o'clock shadow Yanni. Yeah, sometimes I'm five o'clock shadow. Sometimes I'm just, I age 10 to 15 years when I have that. Yeah. And then I de-age when I don't have it.

Cause you're always five o'clock. Today you're handsome, you're 5 p.m., but sometimes you come in wild, you're 5 a.m. Yeah, sometimes the hair's all over the place. Sergio sounds like he looks like a newborn baby bird. It's what it is, but so does Sergio, because Sergio looks like a Puerto Rican egg. Sergio, yeah, he looks like he's sitting on top of a fence and you want to push him over and say, howdy doody, but you want to say it in Spanish. Yeah, Sergio's name is top of a fence and you want to push him over and say howdy doody but you want to say it in Spanish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sergio's name is Humpty Dumpty and shit.

Yeah, Humpty Dumpty. When I say howdy doody but I was really trying to say Humpty Dumpty. Because make no mistake and the fans have been commenting it and I've been saying it for the last six months, you are Yanni Sundowns big. I'm Sundowns baby. So sometimes I'm 5pm, sometimes I'm 5am but when does the sun go down in winter? About 5pm so that goes for my shadow and also when I start saying things wrong. Because here's the thing with you, is a lot when people are close to death, they're on

the runway, but when people are close to sundown, they're on the ramp. They're on the ramp. You're on the wheelchair ramp, Coach. I'm on the wheelchair ramp, is what it is. Yeah. You're waiting for the nurse to push you down and take you for a little stroll. Yes. And before we start, we wanted to talk about something. We want to talk about something that's very special and dear to our

heart. That's our exclusive community. Yes. Where you can find lots of bonus content. We're doing new series now. We got a few of them. We got dad tips. Yep. We have snowstorm. Yep. And we got exclusive bonus content only at patreon.com slash history. Hi, Heenis, we have now beefed up the $25 tier. We have a episode that we put once a month that is exclusive, exclusive, exclusive. We go absolutely wild off the rails. And then we have our $5 tier, which is audio only,

and our $10 tier, which gets you audio and video. And we have been really leaning in folks, likeanni said extra content exclusive bonus content that only exists at patreon.com slash history hyenas and as Yanni said it is a community okay people are talking over there people are hanging over there all it costs you is five bucks cuz that's it. It's five crisps, that's it. A little bit of scratch as my dad would say. We also got the political polling series up there, which is the On Notice Boys and Lata 14, where the Democratic Party comes in and asks those two focus groups what they think about how the Democratic Party could reemerge and just trending issues get polled. And we have everything for everybody. If you are a Democrat and you hate Republicans, great.

We have the on notice boys. If you're a Republican and you hate Democrats, great. We have the lot of 14 boys. If you're gay, great. Me and Yanni. If you're straight, Jesse. We have everybody covered at all things, all bases, all at patreon.com slash history hyenas.

If you're not a part of that, you are missing out. Yeah, we're trying to make money off of both sides or whatever sides we can so today's episode is going to be wild we're talking about the stock market you're going to want to stay tuned to the end because i'm going to tell you me and jan are going to tell you how dr evil from austin powers is connected to connected to the origination of the stock market and how the first initial New York Stock Exchange, the very foundation of the New York Stock Exchange did involve Jews. If If you are thinking about dipping a couple of toes into the market, you're going to want to listen to this episode.

We're going to explain to you how the whole thing works from a couple of guys who are licensed Series 7 stockbrokers. Basically we got approved by Warren Buffett. He's stepping down. We're taking over his, what's it called? Hathaway Communities. Yeah, we're taking over. What's it called?

Anne Hathaway Berkshires. Berkshires, Hathaway Investments. So we cannot legally, of course, give you any financial advice. So we are not Series 7 brokers. We are Series 7 bakers. Why do they? So we're going to talk to you about baking muffins. Yeah, why do they, why do you have to say that legally about financial stuff, but you don't have to say that

about other stuff on the internet? Because the finance is run by... Wait a minute. Yeah. And they'll just yell at you. Well, that one's folded. It looks like a Robin Hood hat. This is different.

Yeah, how do these things stay on, by the way? Cause sometimes, I gotta be honest, this makes me hungry. I come to this one pool, chop me dinner and have a taco. Do you want to go to Central Park and play a little ultimate? We love our Jewish friends. That's the thing, because if you're a fan of Ultimate Frisbee and you have a certain religion, you go there and you say, did someone bring the Frisbee and they go, we forgot it. You just go like this and you go, well, we're in business. Yeah, it's just what it is. We're just in business. You're always in business for a game. Cause and here's the thing is you guys, I know some people might be like, oh, you guys make fun,

you know, you're acting like you're putting on yarmulkes, you're talking about Jewish people, blah, blah, blah. Like, you know, there's a war going on, you know, there's a whole other side of this war. There's Muslims and Middle Easterns. And I want to say that we also support Middle Eastern people. That's why I'm doing the show barefoot. So I do act middle, I'm muzzy as well. If I walk around bare feet on the rug. And how could you say that? Because for the next 10 years of his career, Chris is going to be Jewish. He will present as Jewish. 100%. And then for the next 10 years after that,

he will present as Arab. And I've got some news from the doctor that I have very, very, very high cholesterol. So one cholesterol-lowering food and my favorite cholesterol-lowering food is Friends for the Muzzies and it's hummus. Hummus is very good for you. Lowers cholesterol, so that's how I support my Muslim brothers and sisters. Yeah, that is something. They got hummus and you need to eat a lot of hummus if you live in the West Bank or the Gaza Strip just to balance out that because the Israelis raise the cholesterol and then the hummus takes it right down.

It's what it is because, and listen, the stock market is very interesting to me. I just started really learning about the stock market, I would say about a year ago. A year, when I was off the beam, when I was off the beam, really just kind of squandering, flailing in the wind, I did not know anything about stock market. I did not, I would just keep all my money in my, I have Chase, Chase bank account and not understanding that it's getting no return, that's not helping you at all. That's just in it.

You're acting, you're acting like, you know, kind of a good for nothing. And when I say good for nothing, I mean you're acting like what my mother used to say about my father. Right. You're just acting, right? So you can't, so I had to say to myself, how do I learn, how do I learn how to invest, how do I learn how to do this? And the bottom line is this, folks, you went to Hebrew school.

It's what I did. Yes. Yes. It's what I did. I went to Williamsburg, Brooklyn, not the hipster part. I went to the other part. Yeah. And I started asking around. Yeah. No, but it is one of those things where the stock market, I know people say it's legalized gambling, and I do understand why they say that and where that comes from. But the truth of the matter is, it is a nice little way to make money. And it's available. It's available to everyone now.

It's available to everyone now. It used to be sort of this den of thieves, a lot of insider trader, a lot of embezzlement. But now, you know, the government regulates it, it's there. Everyone could get their toes in the market. It's a lake that everyone can dip into. Cause everyone could just go up to the market and go like that. Just throw a couple toes in there.

Can your toe get in the market? The top one can't. The top one can't, yeah. Cause I call this one my ayatollah. Yeah, you got only one toe. You can literally only get one toe into the market. Unfortunately, see how this toe goes over that toe. Unfortunately, my beautiful three-year-old daughter has my feet, and she's so beautiful. It is one of those things where we talked about how Justin Timberlake, I'm sorry, David Beckham, how God doesn't give you everything. David Beckham is feet. And she's so beautiful. It is one of those things where we talked about how Justin

Timberlake, I'm sorry, David Beckham, how God doesn't give you everything. David Beckham is gorgeous, tatted up, multi-billionaire, whatever, but his voice sounds like a squeak. He's got a weird voice. My daughter is like, unfortunately, the truth of the matter for me is my daughters are probably both just going to be smoke shows and there's just nothing they can do about it, but at least they have these feet. Both of them? It seems like both of them are going to be, yeah. And there's just nothing I can do about it, but at least they have these feet. Both of them? It seems like both of them are going to be. Yeah.

That's really funny that God did that. It did. Yeah. It's bad. They both kind of look like Jack. Yeah. They're beautiful, beautiful girls with your feet. Yeah. I mean, cause it's one of those things where people come up to me almost on a daily basis when I'm out with them and just say, I have to just tell you, your daughters are gorgeous.

Yeah. And I'm just like, yeah, it's just what it is. I hope this. Yeah. What you're just going to have to do is tell uh, just convince them that open toe sandals are not cool Yeah, yeah, just tell them to go with pro-cads or candies during the summer. No, I want them to go with open toe sandals So they just don't so I don't deal with guys. That's right. That's another thing We're gonna have to deal with guys at some point. Yeah, it's just what it is That's what we're gonna have to do. So but that's why at patreon.com

History hyenas, we have have girl dad pro tips up there So if you're a girl dad, especially or a girl mom go up there, we just posted some advice for you guys Yeah, that that is up there as well as those other series. So check it out today We're gonna talk a little bit about the history of the stock market Like we said, it started with the Greeks as usual the Greeks were the first ones that started going out on these ship expeditions and what these shipbuilders were doing and were going, hey, you invest a little bit in us,

give us a little money, and then whatever spoils we get, you'll get it back. So that was like the first incarnation of what's going on. It's like we spread the risk around, but then if it comes back with a lot of spoils, you get a lot of spoils. So people would throw up a little loot and say, maybe they'll bring back some good spoils.

Here's why I think the Greeks like sports, is because they like to stretch. That's the stretch, cuz. I think it's the truth. I think it's, no, because what the truth is, is the stock market started in Antwerp, Belgium in the 1500s. But I will find a way to link it back to something similar to it that started in Greece.

And I will find a way to link any topic to a waffle. So Antwerp, Belgium was home of one of the world's first true stock exchanges in the 1500s. Merchants met at the Beurs, B-E-U-R-S, which I just see B's, of Antwerp to trade commodities, debts and bills of exchange, making it a precursor to the modern stock market. Now I want to ask you, cuz, what is a commodity? A commodity? Cuz you're a hot commodity. Yeah, cuz a commodity is something that, you know, you can get some value out of. It's a commodity. It's valuable. Yeah. When you say someone's a hot commodity, you say it's valuable. Yeah. So commodity is something

valuable and then a debt. See, the thing is with debt, basically raw materials, basic resources, agriculture, mining products, which are valuable. They're valuable, so oil, coffee, wheat, these are commodities and back then, that was kind of like almost like a bartering system. It's like it wasn't all about paper money and they couldn't even have crypto back then. No, they had no crypto, they did it.

How come they never threw poos poos on the stock exchange? They should have, right? It's a hot commodity. It is. I was thinking the same thing. It's a resource. Yes, it really is. Yeah. And you can really, like, if it's abundant, if it's a good year and there's a lot of toots, then the value goes down.

Right. But if the toots are, if, you know, if like religion takes over and there's few toots, then, you know, the value is going to go up. The cost goes up. Yeah, it goes up goes up now now because Here's the thing cuz is I gotta be honest with you is even still to this day. I've tried to read some books on I've tried to understand the stock market It's like these brokers and all that what they do is they've create another language, right?

Because come even the word commodities that makes people go. What does that mean? I must know what that means here. Take 1% of my money. But if just a quick Google search, you see, if they said Antwerp to trade oils, coffees, and goods, I'd be like, oh, that makes sense. But when you say commodity, now I'm like, I don't know what to do. Exactly, you got securities, you got bonds,

you're like, what is all this stuff? Right, so why don't we, Jesse, if we can, can we pull up, can you pull up the translation from Yiddish to English? Yes, Yiddish to English. And can you just pull up some stockbroker terms, what they are and what they mean. If you just throw that into chat GPT, because I want to teach the fans here at history hyenas, we are at the chat GPT slots. I want us to kind of be able to get through this together because a lot of this stuff really is just that it's smoke and mirrors. Yeah. Right? It's the same thing as like pharmaceuticals when they name their new pill some crazy pharmacobibotaltitol and you just want to go just call it a penis pill

or they call it a Zakhar Lakhpav or Eskimo pertempidem. You just say just call it a happy pill. Right. Just call it a... Yeah. Just call it a... Like, do you know what a moratorium is? If I say there's a moratorium... You're a smart kid, so you will know. I do know what a moratorium is. But like, people will say there's a moratorium on something. Just say we stopped fighting. Just say pause.

Yeah, just say pause. If you just say we paused it, then people understand, but you wanna say moratorium, because you don't want me to know what that means, and you want me to have to take the extra step, and say, now what is a moratorium? Cause you think I'm a moratorron. Yeah, you're...

Exactly, exactly. Yeah. So just know, if you're listening to this podcast, that we are here to teach you we're going to do the work for you here. Because there's a lot of words that these elites use, because they just want to keep you down so they could stay up. But we're here to break through that barrier, baby. That's why I'm wearing a downed strawberry jersey.

I'm ready to do coke. Yeah, what they do is just a layer of bullshit you gotta peel back, right? It happens when people want to keep something exclusive. It happens when they want to sell you something. It's like when you see a Red Bull commercial, stop jumping out of a plane. Just market it correctly. Say, hey, did you used to do coke and you don't want to do coke anymore? Did you have an alcohol problem and you don't anymore? Order a Red Bull.

It's what it is. That's who drinks Red Bull. Yeah. Even the word stock. Yeah. Even the word stock. A lot of people like stock market. I don't even know what that means. All a stock really is, it's something that signifies ownership in a corporation. If they just say, if they just called it, you're an owner. Yeah. You're an owner, we would get it. Yeah. The owner's market. Yeah, the owner's market. Right. Say you're a minority owner.

Right. Yeah. So a common stock is a, see even this, market. Yeah, the owner's market. Right. Say you're a minority owner, right? Yeah, so a common stock is a tie See even this even in definition common stock a type of equity security that represents ownership and voting rights in a company even Chachi BT is trying to fuck us. Yeah, it's just make it simple. Just call it a slither of company That's what you own a slither getting a little piece of it. You're getting a little piece getting action That's all it is. Just call it a toe wedding ownership piece. You're getting a little piece of it. Getting action. That's all it is. Yeah, just call it a toe wedding ownership piece. Yes. You got your toe in it. Yeah, it's just what it is.

So equity, the value of an investor's holdings in the account minus any borrowed funds. So now they're making me do math. I don't even know what that means. That's what I'm saying. So equity just means how much money, like if you have equity in a home, how much money you've paid into the home by yourself versus how much money, how much money, like if you have equity in a home, how much money you've paid into the home by

yourself versus how much money, how much, to know your equity in a home, you take out a mortgage, right? What's a mortgage? The bank's giving you money. Say your house is $100,000 and you took out an $80,000 mortgage. That means the bank gave you 80 grand for the house. But you're paying little by little when you pay your mortgage every month, you're paying a piece of the interest because the banks charging you money for that 80 grand and a piece goes to the interest and a piece goes to the principal, which is the actual ownership of the house. That's your equity. So that'll be your equity, the mortgage minus what principle you've paid. So just call the bank what it is. Yeah. Okay? It's a loan shark that's not Italian that won't break your legs if you don't pay. It's what it is.

Instead of the loan shark being Vinny the Ear, the loan shark is JP Morgan. Right. It's the same thing, because what they're saying is basically, fuck you, pay me. Yeah, they'll throw you out in the street, but they won't break your legs, and that's all there is to it. That's what it is. What's the difference? No, that's what it is.

It's a legit loan shark. They break the legs of your credit, and they say, well, now you're in a little thing we like to call bankruptcy, a little thing called foreclosure. That's right. That's it. Yeah. No big deal. We're breaking it down for you, giving it to you in the colloquialism. Scroll down a little bit. A lot of people have also heard bull market versus bear market versus volatility. A lot of people don't know what that means. I thought it was a gay market. Right. Exactly. I thought it was a niche gay bears and bulls. Right. Because thought it was a niche gay bears and bulls. Right. Because yeah, there's also there's bears in the gay community. 100%. Yeah. And there's dolphins. They have no they have no hair. Those are usually Chinese and Asian. Yeah. That's

why the very first time I went down to the stock exchange when I traveled in from my very first excursion into the city from Ridgewood, which was a big deal. I remember it very well. I of course just wanted to see because I had heard a lot about them I want to see where the gay bars were so I saw the bull with its balls out and I thought this is where the bars are. That's what I thought. But it turns out that the bull is there. I thought it was to like invest in buttplugs and Rosie O'Donnell cruises. Right. That's yeah that's what I thought. That's what it is. That's what I was wrong. Yeah so bull market means a market condition where prices are

rising or expected to rise. A bear market is a market condition where prices are rising or expected to rise. A bear market is a market condition where prices are failing or expected to fall, and volatility is the degree of variation in a trading price over time. So volatility, you think about Bitcoin. That's volatile. It's up, it's down, it's up, it's down. Bear market, prices are falling, they're constantly falling and going down. So when it's a bear market, like when it's a bull market versus a bear market, which one is better

to invest in? And you know why they started calling it that? Tell me. Because the bears and the bulls used to fight and the bear would duck down to bite and the bull would just go forward. There it is. So that's what it is. There it is. And so that's the origin of that. Also, did you know that Wall Street was named Wall Street because there was a wall there by the settlers to keep the Indians out? Yes, I did. So that's why every time you hear Wall Street, there used to be a nice, glorious, big wall there. Yeah. Yeah. And then the Dutch had it up. And then when the British took over, the British knocked it down. That's one thing about New York City, that we always think about the British, but the Dutch really, we are New Yorkers because of the Dutch. We're more Dutch than anything.

New Amsterdam. That's what it is. That's what it was originally called. Yeah. Yeah. So we're jumping around a little bit, but since Yanni brought up Wall Street, I want to talk to you about the Buttonwood Agreement. Do you know about the Buttonwood agreement? No, I know nothing about it.

I'm gonna guess that I should put my yarmulke on. Yeah, throw it on. So the Buttonwood agreement, if you could pull up the bit I sent you about the Buttonwood agreement. So this is pretty interesting because the thing is, a lot of people talk about the Great Depressions and those stock market crashes 2008,

and they think these are new things, but because stock market's been crashing and all that for a long time. They have. For a long time, there was a panic. I want to say it was 1789, they called it. There was this panic because basically it used to be, the stock market used to be,

kind of everyone was allowed to do it. Was it 1789? Can we pull it up? Cause I want to say- Cause I think the stock market started later than that. No, the stock market I thought started in the 1600s, no? I thought that was in Amsterdam. Right, the American stock market. Oh, we're talking about the, yeah, right. The American stock market. Jess, I sent you a little, remember I and I texted you- So the first one was 1801? Yeah, 1801 was in Brussels.

But the first one was in Belgium in the 1500s. But then the first official stock exchange in Brussels, 1801, and then the United States was when? Later than that, right? The United States, we became a country, technically in 1789, after we won the war. So when did we get our stock market going? So, but Jess, didn't I send you you like more there was like a whole history of it

I is that all you got yeah, if you could send go back to the to the text I sent you so here we go What what what we were we were looking for some info when Yanni was saying but the stock market didn't happen till later the 1800s The truth is the beginnings of Wall Street specifically, the New York Stock Exchange. See, the problem was, the thing was there were stock exchanges in Belgium, there was the London Stock Exchange, but because before modern technology, they weren't all really connected. Now we have a world stock exchange, but that's because we got computers and we had tickers, which we'll get to, but this is before.

And telegrams. And telegrams. Shout out Alexander Graham Bell. How does a phone work, how does my voice get to China so quick? Dude, I don't understand it, I don't know. It bounces off something and goes into something, I don't get it. I think what they do is they actually,

your voice, what it's really doing, I think it's making like a mirror copy somehow through atomic particles. I think they're making it, they're shrinking your voice. They're basically making your voice. They're basically making your voice into a squeak and then it's sending through satellites and telephone poles. I don't know how it goes so quick. It doesn't make sense to me. I don't even know how the fucking pictures in my TV.

I don't understand how that happens. I don't think anybody really does. I don't think anybody really does except for like three dudes. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know what's going on. All I know is I'm watching the game and it's just, it's like watching magic. Yeah. It's I don't know how it happened. It's just what it is. Yeah. So, okay. So the beginnings of wall street after evacuation day, evacuation day was when the, finally the Brits finally got out of our beautiful 13 colonies. They evacuated November 25th, 17th.

You think a few British guys snuck in who were good at voices? Like if you were good, like after the British lost, if guys could do accents and a guy could just pull off a New York accent, he just stayed. He just stayed hung out? Yeah, because like they just looked the same. That probably happens a lot with, nobody talks about those guys. When the Chinese and Japanese fight or people who look alike, right? Germans and other Europeans. There's probably a couple of guys who could do accents good.

Right. Who like when the Nazis started taking over, there was probably some like Greek guy or French guy who was just like, hi everybody, hi. And then when they lost, he just started talking with the other accent. Basically what I'm saying is Sasha Baron Cohen could probably stay alive for a very long time.

Because think about it, back then, think about it, back then, you know, do you really wanna take a six month journey back to London to get like screamed at by your wife and all that? Like, why don't you start a new family here? Right, exactly. Just start a new life there and you just blend in with the people.

It's what it is. Yeah, and you just gotta talk that way the whole time. I wanna do an episode too in the future about, I read this story, I gotta get his name and all that, about this Japanese soldier that was like fighting on one of the islands and then they never told him that the war ended so the kid just kept fighting for another 15 years. Oh yeah, the kid in a leaky room. Yeah, I also wonder that how did the message get out? Like how did the message get out like the war was over? It took a while. Like before they had phones and shit like did a dude on a horse have to like

drive the hallway? It sucks that the war probably ended and a couple of kids just got killed for no reason I bet you all those wars before phones and computers like they ended and but like dudes kept fighting and they didn't know for yeah Three years. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I'm gonna tell you guys we're gonna tell you guys all about the beginnings of Wall Street right after this quick commercial break. May is Mental Health Awareness Month and Talkspace is the leading provider of online therapy. It helps you face whatever is holding you back with a caring licensed therapist. Because I want to remind you with Talkspace, you're not alone. One in five adults in the US experience a mental health condition each year, but less than half of people who need treatment receive it.

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Down on Wall Street. If you're ever in New York City, you should go down there. The Patriot Army took over the city of New York because it was being ruled by the dirty British. And Wall Street became a fashionable commercial street. Alexander Hamilton, the kid, the Dominican himself, Alexander Hamilton, the first Dominican, he actually had his law office on Wall Street. Wall Street was fucking cute. Wall Street used to be very very cute. Yeah, now it's still cute but

it's kind of like Wall Street isn't on, the stock market isn't on Wall Street anymore. Now it's in midtown. Yeah, and they used to put a wall there and then they peeked over the wall and they saw all the Indians were gone. Yeah, so they just took it down. They didn't need the wall anymore because they peeked over and they said, oh, they're all gone. It's what it is. Yeah, they're all gone. COVID they had COVID back then for Indians. It's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, basically what took them out was COVID. Yeah, the COVID of the day. Yeah. Yeah, it's what it is. Smallpox. It's smallpox. The original fentanyl. Yeah. So basically, Alexander Hamilton had his Bank of New York, Hamilton's Bank of New York. And initially the US government was not in good shape because economically we owed a lot of money to France. I mean, they bailed us out. We have to pay all these war debts and we were like,

what are we going to do? So Alexander Hamilton came in, kid made a musical. Yeah. Alexander Hamilton came in and he said, what if we start selling, basically selling our war debts for like better prices and we start selling commodities and stocks and doing all that and basically trying to sell, get bonds, basically saying to the American people, hey, if you give us money, we'll give you back Hey, if you give us money We'll give you back a percentage but give us money buy bonds from us. That's that's how these countries work Yeah It seems to me that the stock market if you want to break it down and say what it really is

It's a way to raise money. That's all it is way to raise money from the people It's almost like a private way to collect taxes But instead of getting the service back, like your garbage picked up, you get profit, you get money, maybe. Yeah, because that's another thing too, a bond. A lot of people don't know what a bond is. A bond is basically you just are buying, you're basically loaning your money to the government. That's what it is in principle. And then the government is saying, like if they're returning 5%, say you get a bond, year whatever one year yield right they they can't just say return they got to

say yield because they need to make that hard for you there's basically just i'm buying a bond i'll make it easy for 100 bucks from the u.s government and they're saying if you just hold on you don't sell that in a year from now if it's a five percent yield i'm going to give you five percent back on that hundo okay now can i just ask jesse question? Because he's half a frisbee. Yeah. So, which basically means he was born, he was encoded in his DNA that he understands this stuff a little better than us. Yeah.

But he's half a frisbee. The other half is, he's a guido. So that means a dog chewed half the frisbee off and he's half a frisbee. It's what it is. Yeah. So, let me understand this. Is the stock market basically two markets? One where a company can raise a bunch of money real quick from people and then the other one is for people to trade against each other on that company's value. It's basically those two things simultaneously, right? Wait, say the first one again? So if you're a company, you go private, right?

So that means, I'm sorry, you go public. That's what I meant. So you're a company, you go public. You raise a bunch of money real, it go public. You raise a bunch of money real It's a way to raise a bunch of money for people buying ownership real quick, right? Yeah, they they issue stock right so and that's that's actually a piece of a K ownership ownership Right. So in exchange for that they raise a bunch of money. Yes. Yeah, so that's that's one function of it and then the other market is

For people to trade with each other on the value of that ownership. I wouldn't call that another market. Not a market, but it's almost like two, if you think about it, it's almost like two things happening simultaneously. Right. Because if the value of the stock goes up and then someone says, oh, I want a piece of that and you're holding some of it, you say, I'll sell it to you, but the price is

elevated. So I'm saying the market has two functions. One of which is for the company to raise a bunch of money, and the other one is for people to trade with each other and try to get rich off the value of that market. Sure, it's giving people like us access to a company. Like, you know, if you buy Apple stock, now you own some Apple.

Yeah, but they're not giving it as an altruistic thing. They're giving it because they're raising a bunch of money. Yeah, they can use it to invest, right? So if the stock price goes up, they have all this money in their stock and remember they own a bunch of their own stock so Apple can sell some stock. So when the Dutch India Company basically started the first stock market, they were doing it because they wanted to go all over the world and they needed a bunch of money to go get these resources everywhere and so they were like, let's open it up to the people so we can raise a bunch of money to fund these expeditions. Part of it.

And then people got their ownership and then they traded with each other. And if the company did good that they raised money for it and they traded with each other and made profit. Made profit. That's a simple explanation. Simple one is this. So what happens is, is after the revolution here,

merchants began to gather at the Tontine Coffee House, which is around 100 Wall Street. So we're gonna go to 100 Wall Street. Yanni and I have said after this episode, later on in the week or next week, at patreon.com slash history hyenas, we're gonna do a basically walk and talk and film it and basically go to these places and we're gonna show you what we're talking about.

Right. And it's gonna be dope. It's gonna be cute. Yeah, so they went to 100 Wall Street to trade US government securities, which again, which securities and the stock of a few major banks. So securities meaning what again, Jesse? What does securities mean in this situation?

I forgot. It's basically, security is basically like... Financial instruments. Financial, it's ownership. It's a little bit of ownership. Right, but what's the difference between securities and stocks? Securities and stocks, they're... Hold on.

Wait, so securities are a little different. What? Yeah, I want to make sure that other fans know that we know. Well, it's very complicated. Yeah, what's securities? Those are commodities. I'm off the beat. So securities are financial instruments that represent some form of value and can

be bought, sold, or traded. They are essentially a way to invest in a company, a government, or a project. So there's equity securities. So an example of an equity security would be a stock that represents ownership in a company. Shareholders may earn dividends and capital gains and they often have voting rights. There's debt securities, which example would be a bond. So, stocks and bonds are both securities. Got it. So, a bond would represent a loan made by the investor

to a corporation or government. So, basically this is all just a way for them to get money for the people and then they say, hey, you guys can make money on what you gave us if you trade with each other. Now let me ask you this real quick. Based on how good we do. Dividends versus capital gains, are those the same thing or are those different? You're asking questions that are too hard. Because in my understanding, I'm off the beat. Dividends because capital gains I understand is you invest in something, you know, you put a hundred dollars in a stock and then the stock goes up. Those are your capital gains, I understand, is you invest in something, you put $100 in the stock,

and then the stock goes up. Those are your capital gains. But then what's the dividends? This I know. Dividends pay you, the company will pay you to hold the stock. So, let's say a company like AT&T, which notoriously has a high dividend. So they say, if you're invested in our stock, we're going to give you 5% a year to hold our stock. Okay. So it keeps, there's a way for them to share the profits. But capital gains only comes in when you sell. That's when the stock goes up. So let's say you bought the stock at 100 and then it goes to 200. That difference is your capital gain. Right. It's like, it's a capital gains on real estate. So if your property, capital gains, if your property value increases, right,

that you pay a tax on how much it increased. But so, and that's different than a dividend because obviously a house doesn't give you a dividend. A stock is, the dividend, AT&T dividend is saying you bought the stock at 100, even if it doesn't move up $1, you're still gonna get 5%, you're still gonna get five bucks on it

at the end of the year just for holding it. That's, okay, God. All right, all right, let's go back home. We're learning with you here. I wanna get to the, but this is the point of the show. That's right. I wanna get to the end of the year just for holding it. Yeah. That's okay, God. All right. All right, let's go back. We're learning with you here. I want to get to the, but this is the point of the show. That's right.

I want to get to the bottom of the agreement. I want to tell you how the Jews come in. No, but this is good so we can all gain an understanding of this like language that people try to keep from us. Here it is. You know what I want to do? I want to call our smartest listener, Dr. Lukie Saugen, the baby's godfather, because he's a surgeon. I mean, he's an ER doctor and the kid is

just screwed and smart. I want to start asking him these questions. Yeah. Well, you first called him a surgeon. There's a big difference between an ER doctor and a surgeon. He's an ER surgeon. Yeah. There's a big difference. He's screwed it. Okay. There's a big difference for a guy who could take your temperature and say you got something and a guy who can go in and be a human mechanic. Yeah, fucking, Dr. Lukey! It's a different school! Dr. Lukey always loves to go with the fucking anal thermometer. I'm like, what the hell?

I'm covering it because I broke my toes. I got a check to temp. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so here we go. Don't call him up for heart surgery. No! Okay, so here we go.

So, as I said, the Tontine Coffeehouse merchants would meet there, which is at 100 Wall Street, to trade the U.S. government securities and the stock of a few major banks, like the First Bank of the United States, the New York Chartered Bank of New York, all these like beginning banks. And then at first, trading in these securities was kind of chaotic and crazy. Brokers would charge different prices and commissions for these securities, And then some people would manipulate the market. You just had dirt bags everywhere and there was no actual standard way to do this. It was just make up your own price. Oh, today it's $10 tomorrow. It's 15. I don't know. Just pay me. But then in 1792, a former US Treasury official, William Dewar, D D U E R you've probably seen his name around some

stuff along with Alexander McComb, sought to corner the market in the Bank of the United States Security. When their plan failed, and what happened is they defaulted on everything. They had this idea of, let's corner the market, let's do this, let's be Premier Derpix, and it failed miserably. And so many people lost money. Something happened called the Panic of 1792 and it caused a lot of financial distress and this is when Alexander Hamilton came in and said, I'm going to make this crisis go away by having the Bank of the United States buy U.S. government and bank securities and have all banks loosen up on their credit. So Jesse, do you understand why he did that

and what the thinking was there? Yeah, kind of, I guess. What do you think? Take a shot. I guess he wanted confidence in investors, right? So like once you get burned, once there's a bubble, it's hard for people to put their money back into the market. So you want to build confidence. Basically that's like when that's like now a day,

now with the tariffs, something is interesting that's happening with the tariffs. If they keep on going, you eventually, what's's gonna probably have to happen because people get nervous about the market is the interest rates the house interest rates are gonna have to come down because they want people pumping the money back in people the answer to this is always get the money in the economy unfortunately the other way that the economy pumps big is what war war war people say War. People say war. What is it good for? The economy. It's good for the economy. It makes you nervous when you hear a bunch of

we're going to war with Iran. You're going like, that will be good for the economy. You're saying, hey, yeah. You know, do you want to get those mortgage rates down to pandemic levels? Then let's bomb Iran. It's just always good for the economy. But yeah, it basically comes down to investor confidence. And that's what happened after the crash is nobody had confidence. So that's why FDR had to come in and say, hey, guys, we're going to regulate it and make it a little less corrupt. Because now FDR is a definition of a guy who was on the ramp.

He was on the ramp. He was in a wheelchair. But with this, he was probably on the beam because then he fixed it. You're one of the rare guys that's on the ramp on the beam. That takes a lot of balance. Yeah, it takes a lot of balance. I do. Yeah. You're sundowning in a wheelchair on the beam. Yeah. You know one of those guys who balance on the beam with the tricycle? That's me. That's you.

Yeah. Okay. So let me catch you up real quick. So we have this crisis, the panic of 1792, because we said these banks defaulted. Alexander Hamilton comes in, says, we've got to loosen up the credit. We want to put faith back in the market. So 24 of New York's leading merchants met secretly at Quarry's Hotel, C-O-R-R-E-S, which Gianni and I are going to find.

And they wanted to basically come up with something. And this thing that they came up with is known as the Buttonwood Agreement. If you know the stock market, if you're a stockbroker, if you're heavy into investing, you've probably heard of the Buttonwood Agreement. Jesse, you're a stock guy, have you heard of the Buttonwood Agreement? Wow! So even JJ, Jesse the Jew, hasn't heard of the Buttonwood Agreement. What it is, is it's a founding document of the New York Stock Exchange and one of the most important financial documents in US history. So it's said to have been signed May 17, 1792 near a buttonwood tree, an American sycamore tree,

at what is today 68 Wall Street. So Yanni and I will be going to 68 Wall Street with a buttonwood tree that we're going to buy off Amazon. And we're going to go and we're going to have our own little agreement. And what happened was is the signatories to the agreement, the signers basically to the agreement, they said to bring all the transactions in certain listed securities to one central place where there would be uniform prices, meaning the same price, no BS, for each security traded. And furthermore, provided they would only deal with one another in trading these securities and not lend anyone else in, it's just these people.

And that rule, believe it or not, actually stayed till 1975. It wasn't until 1975 that the New York Stock Exchange started letting everybody really get a piece of the pie. You had to be this time, you had to be kind of that for us, buy us mentality for close to 200 years. Now, here's what happened. This agreement created a central market for these listed securities trading at a fixed price and open to all members of the exchange. It also gave the members of exchange a monopoly in trading on these securities and it created a central auction market in which the city's major brokers participated in most of the transactions in these securities. Now, here's the thing, all that to say for, it's interesting, and this is

Chachi Bities saying it's interesting, not us, it's interesting it says that six of the original 24 signatories on the Buttonroot agreement were Sephardic Jews, including Benjamin Sykes, relative of Shariah Israel, Rabbi Dachshum Mendi Sykes, Isaac Gomez. That's wild that Gomez was a Jewish name back then. Alexander Zanta and Ephraim Hart. So the Jewish community, they're bringing this up to say the Jewish community had strongly supported the revolutionary cause and continue to do so in post-revolution New York. So that's one thing that I want to say thank you to our Jewish brothers and sisters for, is you supported the boys when we needed to fight against Britain.

You were there for us and now we're here for you, babe. Yeah, and six out of 24 is not a lot. Right. And also this was a good thing, right, at the time? 100%. Yeah. So basically, in the 20th century, the central auction market, they created an entity where companies

could efficiently raise capital for their various business purposes, exactly what Yanni was saying. That's basically what it is. This is what they were doing. They were basically, you have a company, you come here to this buttonwood agreement, early New York Stock Exchange,

you say, let's raise money, let's get people stocks to own it, and then boom, we're all making money. And as a result, by the 20th century, the New York Stock Exchange on Wall Street will become the repository of the largest concentration of capital in the world. So we have, New York Stock Exchange still to this day

has the largest concentration of capital in the world. It's basically a a simple way a simple way to understand. It's his company goes. Hey people Loan us a bunch of money, but it's not a loan because we're not paying you back, but you're investing in us What's investing mean in the future? We're gonna do good, right? So give us a bunch of money so they're getting a little bit of money from a lot of people Right like we do at patreon.com slash historyienus. We're a stock market. We're a stock market. Invest with us.

You're investing in us knowing that we're gonna give you amazing future returns in content. It's what it is. We're three Sephardic Jews in here. We're three Sephardic Jews. You're gonna get a cool fact. You can say, hey, I'm part of a community. It's cool.

And plus, you know the future context is gonna be amazing. So you're invested in us and as our show grows you get a little piece of it The only thing is you can't trade it with each other become rich from it You can just laugh you could just laugh and that's why I think we should have our members sign a little thing We call the take it up the button would agreement But if you're a company and you want to spread risk around this is a brilliant idea and that's how it can be Bang toots with no condoms. That's what you do spread a brilliant idea, and that's how it came to be. Bang toots with no con be. That's what you do, spread a little risk. But that's the stock market,

it's a very simple way to understand it, it's your company and you want to spread risk around, right? Like you're the Dutch India company that founded the stock market, 1603, right? You go like, all right, we want to grow, we want to grow, but in order to grow, we need a lot of money to fund these expeditions to go steal these resources from these third world countries. That's what it is. So we're going to we need a lot of money to fund these expeditions to go steal these resources from these third world countries

What it is so we're gonna get a little bit of money from a lot of people and if we're successful Right the value of those little pieces that you got is gonna go up in the eyes of other people who want to buy it Yeah, so that so you can get rich to just give us the money now We need it Yanni is gonna tell me raising a bunch of money Yanni is gonna tell us all about the Dutch India Company and the richest woman in the world who invested in the stock market right after this break.

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Yeah. So basically the Dutch India Company's responsible for the modern stock market than America when it became an industrial tycoon is really responsible for the modern. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling saying I do.

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Because you're a tycoon of cute, a tycute. Yeah, we're a tycutes over here. We're two tycutes. That's what it is. And you know, all the companies, the railroads, all the industrialization that America experienced, the stock market was really a way for these companies to raise a lot of capital in order to make us the juggernaut that we were and that we still are. Yeah we're number one. We're still number one or two depending on who's checking. Yeah nobody knows any of your Chinese numbers. We don't know the numbers that we

don't know. These Chinese, what kind of number system do they use? I think Elon Musk said we may be number two already. Because Chinese got the best numbers. Who knows? I mean, you look at their cities and they're built up. Right. So, but you know, when our stock market crashed, a lot of some of the reason for that was

the building contracts, we built it up. Right. So we were done. It was like, you know, it slowed down. There was buildings everywhere and we're like, you know, we got to the point where we had sort of maxed out. Right. So that was part of the reason that people still like,

there was just nothing else to build. Yeah. So they may be there, they're still building up. So who knows? Everything, you know, rises, peaks, and then recedes. Are we at the point where we're receding? I don't know. Yeah.

You know, we're building up digitally. I think it's a new, I think that's the new thing to push capitalism forward is going to be technology, AI, just like railroads and real estate pushed that era, pushed the stock market and the economy up during the industrial area. So interesting things happened, right? Interesting things happened that made the stock market grow, made the stock market more accessible to everybody. And with every, like with everything, it's technological advancements. Right. Right? We're on the internet now, and our whole business has changed because of technology.

Right. And it used to be the radio was big. And then everyone was on the radio. And then the TV came out. And then everything was on the TV. And then cable came out. And then everything was on cable. And then the internet. Same thing with the stock market.

And it all started with a little invention we like to call the telegraph. Yeah. And that was in 1844. Now what the telegraph did, there used to be little marketslegraph. Yeah. And that was in 1844. Now what the Telegraph did, there used to be little markets all over the place. There was Albany had all the cities had their own little stock markets.

But then the Telegraph made it easy to transmit information real quick. So that just rendered all of those little markets in other cities irrelevant. And New York became Central Command. Central Command, the Telegraph, it made long distance communication possible, allowed brokers to relay info about trades and stock prices more quickly. So it is fun how like as soon as the Telegraph was invented, immediately the money people got involved and said, we're

going to get our money faster. Yeah, we're going to get our money faster and there's no need for you to have a market in Albany or wherever else. It's all happening our money faster. And there's no need for you to have a market in Albany or wherever else. It's all happening in New York. So that's what made New York the central spot for the stock market. And then came the ticker, which made it possible to find out

the numbers immediately. Immediately. As quick as it could be then. Well, and it kind of connected globally because there was also the, I didn't, this is crazy. The transatlantic cable was built in 1866. So that transatlantic cable, I think, is a cable at the bottom of the ocean floor.

So how did they do that in 1866? They just have kids diving down there in those onesies, those pinstripe onesies with their hair like Coney Island style? That's what really helps to have just a bunch of people who are not rich, who are willing to do work to try to get a little piece of the pie. Yeah, so what you have, what also, so you have the transatlantic-

That's where something called immigrants comes in. I was going to say, you have the transatlantic cable on the ocean floor. You also have the skeletons of Irish, Italian, and Chinese immigrants. That's just what- That's just what also, yeah. That's just part of what the deal is. I mean, the Brooklyn Bridge was not built by wasps. No, it just wasn't.

Yeah. If you go down there, you're just going to see a lot of floating Irishmen. So can you, Jesse, like is this saying the ships met in the middle of the Atlantic, joined their cable sex, okay, and then sailed in opposite directions to lay the cable floor in the eight, okay, so they weren't diving, they were dropping it down with ships. Yeah. But how do you know, like, the ocean floor is all... Because we're not engineers. It's magic. I feel like a black kid watching a car trick when I'm hearing about this. It's

magic. It's just beyond my capability. Dude, they started the first transatlantic telegraph cable, got laid in 1858 and it consisted of seven copper wires and the core was then wrapped with hemp and then they did all that Okay, then the ships came out the USS Niagara and another one to lay the cable and they did white people magic It's just what it is I mean, it's so simple the sorcery the ships just came in the middle and then they went opposite ways We just started laying the cable and then it broke. Yeah, yeah, cuz it just snapped It was basically a double dildo trick. They both met in the middle and they put the dildo between the asses and they pulled back. And then look at this, in 1865 they finally got it right. They

laid a new cable and it was done by the SS, US ship, the SS Great Eastern, which is aka the SS Great Eastern Hemi. That's right. They just cabed and they nailed it. Yeah, it was a giant steam ship. It was, yeah, it was a giant steam ship. It was, yeah, that's a giant stream ship. Yeah, a stream ship that was used to lay cable. Yeah. And a second cable was laid and it created this permanent transatlantic telegraphic community. I mean, isn't it wild though, dude, that, you know, this is what I always think about too with history when we're like, oh, how could they build the pyramids? It's like, it's blowing my mind that 150 years ago, they were able to lay pipe in the Atlantic Ocean.

It's like, who knows what the hell they were doing 3,000 years ago. They did something. They did something. Whether it was giants or aliens or just Egyptians or if you want to ask my opinions, I think it was early Greeks that came in there. Probably was. And figured it out somehow. Yeah, a bunch of there probably what and figured it out somehow. Yeah, but that's what you know

Cut nausea yogurt's got too much cholesterol So obviously the telephone and the printing press when the Wall Street Journal came out You know, they they created a industrialized index that helped Grow confidence in the market. So instead of these wild swings that people didn't understand about value, whether it's going up, whether it's going down, they created an industrialized index which was just basically an average where they could say these are the trends. The general trends long term are going up or down so people had a better understanding of

forecasting. Because even the telephone, I mean telephone operators was like a job. Everyone's mom used to be a telephone operator because they would have to be live switching calls to get them from state to state, country to country. Now you don't need that no more. Yeah. Now basically before the government came in and regulated Wall Street, you know, that happened after the Great Depression, Wall Street had just had a reputation of just being a wild place where people were embezzling and stealing money and stockbrokers were using your money however they wanted and trading it, losing it, doing whatever.

Cause you just called, the Great Depression for you is just a weekend without Zollar. That's just a weekend without Zolli. It's what it is. A weekend without your stool. Yeah, I just need a stool. I'm not on Zolli. Who's on Zolli?

I would like to try Zolli. You're not on Zolli Who's on Zoli? I would like to try Zoli. You're not on Zoli. What are you on? What's your step stool called? I'm on five MGs of Lexapro. Lexapro. It's just a nice tiny little, it gives me a little space.

Yeah, it's just what it is, cause that's your step, that's what I write on the Patreon too. What's your step stool? My therapist says it's not enough, cause like, she calls it not a therapeutic dose, but for me, it's just, it's training wheels. It's like, I like to think that it's not enough because it's not a therapeutic dose, but for me, it's just, it's training wheels. It's like, I like to think that it's helping. And that's what it is because, and placebo is real.

Are you getting on fiber tennis? Yeah, I'm going to get on it. You need a little space. Because I'm a bigger kid and my cholesterol is high. I think you would be a perfect candidate for a little step stool. A little step stool because let me remind you of one thing here, okay? And this is Chris at Confucius coming at you live. A lot of us are acting like the onion tree, which becomes old in nine weeks, and onion tree just becomes old. What we need to be more like is the olive tree, which takes a hundred years to blossom. Go slow, get on a low dose, be the olive tree,

not the onion tree Yeah, you know there's this whole thing where people are upset they they don't like Pharmaceuticals and stuff like that and I get it they can get greedy, but let's also not let's not have a war against modern Medicine I mean, you know, it's helpful It could be very helpful if you have a blood pressure problem you go on blood pressure medication There's certain things that help. It's very helpful. Just helps you out. It's just like when this war against fruit It's like everyone says don't eat fruit after noon. It's like well should I have cookies instead? Yeah, it's better than cookies have some fruit my cholesterol is high but ultimately do what you want You know if you think magnesium is the thing for you

Yeah, if you think vitamin C is gonna do it if you think oregano pills is gonna do it then whatever it is Yeah, I mean whatever whatever works for you. We're all pieces of the pie. We're all bees in the same hive. We're all bees in the same hive. Whatever works for you, works for you. Yeah. And the only thing that will overcome failure is determination.

So just be determined. That's exactly right. So when that happened... Because you like to choke yourself a little bit. But there's an interesting trick I want to talk about before we talk about the Great Depression to end this episode. Yes. Because that's what basically created the modern stock market was the government coming

in regulating it and the start of the SEC, which was founded by FDR. And the first president of that was none other than Joseph Kennedy. Right. And SEC's a fucking crook before that. It was. Yeah. And the SEC, just so we know, not the Southeastern Conference where your favorite basketball team plays, we're talking about the SEC, the Securities and Exchanges Commission. So this is basically, this is basically the stock market police. That's right. That's who they are. That's exactly who

they are. Yeah. Right. So an interesting person in history you may want to know about is a little chick we like to call Hetty Green. Now this chick was an interesting chick. She inherited a little money or whatever, but she was a little bit of a woman before her time. She dipped her toes, her painted toes, into the market and she became the richest woman in the world just from investing. They called her the witch of Wall Street. They called her the witch of Wall Street and that's because they didn't like any woman who was doing good.

Yeah, any woman who was doing good, they just called her a witch. She had self-made wealth, unlike many wealthy women of the era who inherited money or married into wealth, Hedy built her fortune largely through her own investing acumen, especially in real estate, railroads, and government bonds.

Her fortune was estimated at 100 to 200 shmily, which is 2.8 to 5.6 billy today. Yes, yes. So what she would do, one of her most famous investments was like the Chicago Railroad Company that was like faltering. It was like, you know, on the verge of bankruptcy or whatever, but she bought a lot.

She bought a lot and just waited because she did a lot of research. She was notorious to just do a lot of research. Even before Google. Yeah, even before Google. She'd do a lot of research and she just believed in this company. And then she bought a lot when it was down on its luck and the stock was cheap. And then it came roaring up. And like that was one of the examples of her modus operandi. Right. She would get into these companies, but she knew that this was the industry of the future, railroad. So she just got in hard. She got it. It was railroads and real estate at the time. And she just got in heavy. Yeah. It would be like getting an apple at the beginning. She just

knew this is going to take over. Right. And she was early and she became rich and she was a woman. And they called her a witch because like she was thinking like a man. And they called her a witch because she was thinking like a man and she had to have witchy powers. It's what it is. Maybe she was trans. We don't know. We don't know. It's possible. She had the brain of a man.

Yes, and she lived with legendary frugality, meaning frugal, meaning she did not spend a lot of money. No. With fascinated and appalled the public, earning her the nickname the witch of Wall Street. Her wealth and unique persona made her enduring symbol of 19th century American capitalism. So we want to highlight Hedy Green here as a really boss female who crushed it at a time when only men were crushing it and she was goes down as one of the wealthiest female, of course

only second to Jeff Bezos's ex-wife who also did it her own way. That's another way. Some ladies do it by investing the stock market, some ladies do it by cussing cops. Shannen Sharpe's OnlyFans mistress is going to do it her way. It's what it is. There's plenty of ways to become a millionaire. You can get mad at me and be like, no, it's because the market is only designed for men. Tell that to Hedy Green. You can do it.

Yeah, you can do it. You're just going to be a little better. Uncle, what do you want me to tell you? She's a feminist icon. We're highlighting a feminist icon. That's all we're doing. Yeah, you can do it. You're just going to be a little better. I don't know what you want me to tell you. She's a feminist icon. Yes. We're highlighting a feminist icon. That's all we're doing, cuz. Yeah, she might have had a dick.

We don't know. But it's possible. It's possible. Yeah. She did it. But anyway- So shout out to the witch of Wall Street. Yeah, so after this period, the heady green period, you know, you're talking about, she

died in 1916 or something like that, then Wall Street's just running wild, railroads, JP Morgan, all those guys. People are pumping money in, stockbrokers are, like you said, setting their own prices, taking your money, trading it without you knowing about it. There's no regulation. And the fucking market crashes. Boom. We have the dust bowl happen, farming, commodities slow up. Like I said, the real estate slows down because everything's already built up at this point. And there's a panic and people

just start selling, selling, selling, selling, selling. And the market crashes and we go through the Great Depression. 1929. Yeah, that's when that happened. And the only way we got out of it was a little... War. Yeah. Huh? We got out of it was a little... War. Yeah. Huh?

We got out of it with war. We got out of it with a little guy named FDR and a war. And war. Oh, I thought you were going to say a little guy named Adolf Hitler. Well, going to war with him definitely helped. Yeah. You know, it helped. There's a dirty little secret about that too that I hate admitting.

What is it? Not only is it an industrial buildup and you put people to work and you get your economy moving, but there's a little bit of a population slash. It's what it is. It's just what it is. It just happens. It's bad. We don't like to think about it, but it's just, it just, there's a little, when there's

a lot of people, there's a little less money to go around and when there's less people, less people get more money. It just loosened up a little bit. It just loosened up a little bit. Hey, it was a little easier to get into law school. Hey, if there's a good chance you're probably listening to this at your home at Levittown, Long Island, you're welcome for World War II

because you wouldn't have had a town without World War II. There's just less competition when there's less people. What it is. Houses are cheaper, things happen, there's less competition, it's just an unfortunate thing. We're not saying it's a good thing or a bad thing, we're just saying that we don't make up the rules, but we do play by them. We're just saying that there were less people on the road.

It was just less people congestion pricing. I hate that you have to pay more money to get into the city that we love. I really do. But I get here a little quicker. You get a little quicker. Quicker. If you could just spare the nine bones. Yeah. I just don't know what to tell you. It doesn't really affect us. It helps us. It kind of helps us. I'm glad't know what to tell ya. It doesn't really affect us. It helps us. It kind of helps us. I'd gladly pay. I'd probably pay twice as much.

You know, how blessed are you here? It's like when you own a little property, you hear someone complaining about their landlord. You're just not on that side anymore. I don't know what to tell you. You go, why don't you just be a better tenant? Yeah. But then when you're a tenant, you say these goddamn landlords

and you empathize. But then you get a little money and then you just go, maybe you should fucking pay your rent, you little of shit yeah just i don't know stop being a dirtbag yeah just stop being a useless eater that's what it is of course you don't have anxiety you're 40 years old you still have your parents and all you care about is if the maps win or lose why would you be nervous about anything yeah anxiety probably just maybe it's just an emotion that comes with people who try to get something done. Anxiety, here's, I read a little study, anxiety, people with anxiety today,

a lot of doctors think now, scientists think now it's because they might have been, had brains, and be ancestors of people who were out hunting thousands of years ago, so we have the residual anxiety because we don't need it as much anymore. You need it when you're out on the plains hunting food, bringing back the village and the people who don't have anxiety today, some of them may have come from people from ancestors who didn't really go out and hunt. They just ate what was brought to them. But Yannis and I, we have anxiety, we're a little bit of hunters. So of course I get a little bit more nervous about things because I'm trying to go get things. Right. Sometimes those things are things that you shouldn't be getting because what? What do you mean? Because some of those things that you're hunting. Right. In modern

society. Yeah. Yeah. It's just no bueno. No bueno. No good. But back in the day, you probably would have started families in a lot of places. Yeah, 100%. And so it's one of those things where it's like if you're sitting here and judging people with no anxiety, it's like, look, you know, I wouldn't be nervous either if I was 40 years old and live with my parents. I wouldn't be nervous either if mom was still bringing me breakfast and I was just saying,

you know what, I take the bus to work. Right. And I'm just okay with that and I don't want to take any job promotions because I can't mess up my schedule because Mets and Jets games. And there's nothing wrong with that. And there's nothing wrong with that, but of course you're not going to have any anxiety.

That just makes sense. You're not trying to do anything. That's right. Anxiety comes with trying to do things. Yeah. Yeah. So, the roaring 20s happened and of course people were just over speculating, thinking the good times were going to continue forever and stock prices were just going to continue

to go up indefinitely. And everyone was just borrowing money, over speculating, and then stocks were priced far beyond their actual earning and value because everyone was just pumping money and go, we're making money. It was a big orgy. And then what comes after an orgy is a hangover. It was one big party and then there's a hangover. Yeah, it was one big party and then there's a hangover. Yep. And there was no rules at the time to protect investors, to ensure transparency. So it all came crashing down. Yeah.

The economic, the art, like I said, the dust ball, the agriculture prices started falling. Consumer spending went down. Yeah. Because they were buying too much. Yep. And billions of dollars in stocks were wiped out within days, and people were like, what the fuck? So a lot of people were financially ruined, and people started jumping out of windows. It's what it is. That's what you call an escape exit. People started taking an escape exit. There was a run on the banks, and it happened pretty recently in Greece when they just, the kids just ran out of ATM

cash. Kids just start panicking. They just, Greeks like to panic. Everyone was panicking going, oh man, everything's falling, so everyone's just selling, selling, trying to recoup their money. And then a lot of people are going, your money's gone.

It's just what it is. I spent it. Yeah. I spent your money investing it in these stocks because I was making commissions off it or whatever. So it's gone. It's gone. And the thing is,

the Greeks can survive without cash. They can't survive without cigarettes. So if there was a cigarette shortage, then you really would have had a revolt. Right, right. So then you had banks closing, you had widespread poverty. Everyone was poor except for the people

who was stealing all the money. It's what it is. Those people still had money. So then FDR had to come in. He won his election saying saying I'm gonna do these things. He did them. He did the New Deal. He set up the SEC and that was the beginning of the SEC. They regulated banks and they put these rules in. Hey, you gotta be a little bit more scrupulous. What does scrupulous mean? You gotta have morals. Yes. You can't just spend

people's money without them knowing about it. You have to report. Companies have to report. Everyone has to report their earnings. Everything had to be transparent. Yes. And we're gonna go after people who are embezzling, people who are insider trading, people who are doing all the bad things. So they went after the SEC. I think they indicted like 300 people, but they couldn't convict any of them but they did hang one guy. Did they actually hang him? They didn't hang him but they got themselves a Harvey Weinstein. Yeah. And guess who the first president of the SEC was? A little guy named Joseph Kennedy. That's what it is. Who himself was according to some people possibly a

little untoward. Yeah, he was a bit of a criminal. Let me tell you about Joseph Kennedy. And Joseph Kennedy was the father of? JFK. That's right. Yeah. And as we know now, JFK probably stole the election with the help of the mafia.

What it is. Might have got the kid clipped in there. You know, crime was just a bigger part of America back then. Just what it is. Let me what it is. Might have got the kid clipped in there. Yeah. You know, crime was just a bigger part of America back then. Just what it is. Let me tell you a little something about Joseph Kennedy. Tell me. He made a fortune before the crash using a tactic known as pool operations, which was

legal at the time, but totally manipulative, which is ironic that he became the president of the SEC. He went from criminal to cop. So he formed a pool with other wealthy investors. They'd secretly buy up shares of a certain stock to drive up demand and create the illusion of momentum. Wow. That's a little something. That's a little something. You're saying what is that? I'll give you a perfect example of that. Do you remember with for some reason, like Logan Paul and all these guys were just pumping NFTs? Yes.

Saying, oh, this is the future, this is the future. So that was a market they created. Sure. So they create it, right? It's a valueless fucking stupid thing. Right. Right? But it was a way for them to get people to believe that this is going to be the thing. Right. Because they're buying it and talking about it, and they're influencers, so they create the value. Right.

So everyone gets tricked into buying it to become rich. Right they're influencers, so they create the value. So everyone gets tricked into buying it to become rich, and then they sell. They sell when it's getting hot because they know it's bullshit. So that's illegal though, right? It was legal at the time. It's technically illegal and that's why Huck Tooey's went down. But she's not, but it's not, they're not getting arrested for it. They should be, but they get fined. The crimes around crypto is, it's too, right? We don't know,

like, like, because people could say the pump and dumps and all that, like I tell you to go buy this crypto. It's called loopholes. It's called loopholes. Because right now, they're just going, oh, I didn't know, I didn't know. It's, it's, it's a hard thing to prove, but sometimes they prove it and they got, I think, one of the Kardashians got smacked with 250 grand from the SEC fine. You get fined. You get fined. You get fined. But it's not legal.

Got it. It's not legal, right? Like according to the SEC, it's not legal. It's highly immoral, if you want to say. Sure. Right. So that's what, you know, and if you have it, it's very easy. If you have the platform too, you could just go, hey, this is the new thing.

And then you change your profile to a cartoon gorilla and everyone's like, oh, I gotta get in these gorillas. And so everyone starts buying and basically all these people start putting their money into it, right? And obviously they have a lot less money than like a Paul brother or whatever. I'm not pointing my finger at the Paul,

I'm just using them as an example. Right. So they pour all their money into it and then the value goes up and the Paul brothers are the ones who owned a Lot to begin with and then they sell at the height of the fucking increase and they just make a boatload of money So they're basically it's a transfer of wealth. It's going it's yeah I tricked you into believing this is valuable and now I'm just it's going to the poker table going put all your chips in Trust me, and then you're going, now the chips are mine.

It might have been, you should just post on your platform, here's my Zelle. Yeah. Just Zelle me. It's just a scam. It's what it is. And it worked big for a lot of people, and then we just dusted it under the rug.

Yeah. That was a moment in history, it was called the NFTs. Yeah. Now they're worth shit. They really are, right? Yeah, but at one point they were selling for millions of people. I remember even Steph Curry changed his profile to one.

He bought one for millions of dollars. He was one of those people who probably just got hoodwinked into it. Yeah. And so a lot of money was transferred into that. So that's basically exactly what Kennedy did. Right? So they'd manipulate the market by secretly getting together with a group and buying a bunch of stock which creates the illusion of momentum. So then other people go, oh this must be hot. Right. They put all their money into it and it goes up up up and then they just sell. Sell. They just sell. So they would sell at the top. Right. So that's what he did. And one of the stocks he played with was called the Libby Owens Ford, a glass

company. He and his crew made big profits manipulating its price during the roaring 20s. So why did FDR pick him? Because he knew Kennedy had played the game and he wanted someone who knew every dirty trick in the book. So it's basically, you ever watch the movie Catch Me If You Can? Sure. Remember the guy was forging checks and the FBI hired him? FBI, FDR basically hired him because he goes you're the best crook. Right. You're the best crook, you've made the most money, you're the biggest piece of shit. That's what it is. So I need, you know what a piece of shit is, so I need you to catch other pieces of shit.

I'm gonna give you one piece of shit to pass, and that's you because you're friends with the mafia and I don't want them to kill me. Here's two random fun facts that I know. You mentioned Harvey Weinstein, he went to John Bowne High School. You mentioned Frank Abergnail Jr. from Catch Me If You Can, he went to Iona Prep High School. There you go. It's just wild. There from Catsby v. Ken. He went to Iona Prep High School. There you go. It's just wild. There's a little thing.

Yeah. So then they said, we need a big fish. We need a big fish to fry to get confidence from the people back. Who are we going to do? We pick a little guy who happened to be the president of the stock exchange and his name was Richard Whitney. Okay. Now he was a guy when FDR got into power, was like, we're going to regulate and clean up Wall Street. He was a guy going, fuck the government.

We don't need the government. Fuck the government. Usually the guys who were saying that, especially during bad times, are guys who are benefiting from the government not being around. Yeah. What it is. So as it turns out, he was called the white knight of Wall Street. He served as president president New York Stock Exchange

So they went for the biggest fish right right and he was the I think the only one who was actually convicted Okay, 300 so they just wanted it. You know they were all friends right and they're going somebody's got to fall Yeah, somebody's got a falling. Yeah, just take the biggest fish Yeah, we can't we can't put 300 people in jail cuz they're my friends They're my boys, so I'm gonna just put one guy who was rude to my wife once. I'm gonna throw him in fucking prison. What is it? Just as a symbol.

Right. It's a symbol that I'm cleaning it up. So he gained national fame, right, during the crash, when he attempted to stabilize the market by placing large conspicuous buy orders on blue chip stocks, notably purchasing 25,000 shares of US Steel at 205 each, well above market value. This bold move, temporary, calm the panic, bolstering his reputation as a stabilizing force in

finance. So people initially like, oh this is a good guy, but he was fucking controlling markets, embezzling and all that stuff and then it came out, it came out that he was a piece of shit. So by 38, 1938 suspicions about Whitney's financial practices led to an investigation revealing his company's insolvency and his fraudulent activities and he was indicted on embezzlement charges by the New York County District Attorney Thomas E. Dewey. We should do an episode on Dewey. He pleaded guilty and was sentenced to five to ten years in Singston. He ended up serving three and he was released and I'm sure he served it in some fancy place

and then he disappeared forever. But confidence in the stock market and you know the New Deal. People started investing again. They hung one guy proverbially and things went back to normal. It's what it is. So these guys were all crooks until FDR came in, and then a lot of people will argue that they still found ways to be crooks. It's what it is because money corrupts.

If you took anything from the stock market episode today, you know that money corrupts. This is why I urge you to be more like the olive tree than the onion tree. Take a while, be patient, there's a virtue. Patience is from nature. Patience is from nature, just look at the olive tree. Patient. The onion tree, that's why it makes you cry and it stinks.

Yeah, and the olive tree comes from a region I like to call Greece. Greece, it's what it is. And let me just say this at the end, that's why it's interesting, because the stock market, it's almost an impossible thing to not be corrupt in some small way because all you got to know is a little insider information. That's what you got

to do. But then you get in trouble for insider information, but you're going, hey he's my friend, he told me, he told me a tip on what's going on and you're going like yeah but that gives you an unfair advantage and you go well that's life. That's what Martha Stewart said, she wants to go that's life. Yeah. That's what people say I got good friends in high places. They told me some tips and I bought some stock life It happened is a game of inches Okay, Leonardo DiCaprio is Leonardo DiCaprio because he was an inch better than some guy

You've never heard of that works for ups right now. It's a game of inches advantages. This is what being a human being is Yeah, and you know, it's funny is we're fucking yelling about all this shit. We're yelling about all this shit about the government. But the one fucking thing that should not be is fucking if you are in the legislative or executive branch, you should not be allowed to own fucking stock. I mean, how could you Nancy Pelosi? How much more of an insider could you be than the bodies that are finding out information and awarding contracts to certain companies before the people find out and then you

can have your husband go and put the fucking money in the stock I mean what are we talking about? Stumbags! Yeah! For the people, power to the people, occupy Wall Street! It's what it is and by the way because I started the episode where I told you a little nugget to state at the end how is dr. Evil tied to the stock market? It's because the stock market was technically invented in Belgium and that's where dr. Evil's from and you know that if you watch the movies And that's the history hyenas well you will you will find out how the stock market is tied to a fictitious character what it is cuz um Now we're gonna read the names at patreon.com

History hyenas if you join the patreon you get your name read we're going to read the names at patreon.com slash history hyenas. If you join the Patreon, you get your name read. We pick the best name, the best winner, and we put them up at historyhyenasisback.com, the PPW, the pseudo penis of the week. All right, starting off our list today, habanero, pierogi monkey. So they're saying they're a Polish Spanish kid. I like that.

I like that. Armando Moncant Sanchez. Mm-hmm. Cooney Hung. Now that name probably is coming via satellite from the other side of the border. It's what it is. It's what it is. Travis Miller, Christian Salinas, Ty from Fargo, nice dick bro.

Chicken finger? Chicken finger. Nice. Then we got, if Tim Dillon's ass was a Chinese restaurant, I'd have the poo poo platter. Okay, that's, yeah, let's Drexler that. Okay. Good one. Then we got Jabba the Slut.

Jabba the Slut, really good. Nice. Drexler. Drexler. Andrika Nikolic, Kat Laura Carmadi-Veats, John Sauce Monkey, Faith Bocchese, Fenoncio. Nice. Sauce Monkey award right there. He just gave himself it. That's what it is. Josh, then we got History, Hi-Sheena's, Yaz,

Tom Segura's List Bomb. Walked into one, can't do that. But the Walked into Ones are so good. We've got to Walked into it a lot. We've got to Walked into one. But you know you're on the Walked into One list if we just say Walk walked into one and then I put an X to your name. I took ayahuasca, but the shaman touched my titicaca. Now my fumes are interdimensional. What about the list? List. What about the list?

Then we got, uh, Sheik Mahdiq Mustaf Aliq. Wow. She's a muzzy cat. It's a terror alert list. Yeah. Never go full Chrissy Cookie puss and beans okay Teddy tuck backs Teddy tuck backs is the definition of a chicky it's what it is Philly kid so I hate that but they're good they're funny they're better than

Nick I get it yeah the Knicks you's from Philly, so that makes sense. It makes sense, but the thing about the walked-in ones is you've got to give them credit that they're inventive because they're hiding bad stuff in things. That's a basketball one. Yeah, that is just, but it's just good. It's a double entendre. He hates the Knicks, but we know what he's saying. Yeah. So, just hats off for the inventiveness of it. Yeah. But we can't do it. We can't do it.

Then we got Pussy Orc. Then we got I Microwaved My Sushi Cause I'm an Enola Gay Kid. He I Microwaved My Sushi. He should have went, he was almost there. Enola Gay, the plane that dropped the Duke. It's really good. Good one. I'm going to Drexler it for the attempt.

It was really good. Certified Akash Hater, you're, I don't know what that means. Franklin and Beans, day one gay. Okay. Franklin and Beans is funny. Traps Jesus, Marty Gaiano, Barbara Dryhand, Chris DeCyphalous, David Marshall. Chris DeCyphalous is a chicken figure. Chrissy Rosenblatt, Juliette, Charlie Sierra, Rogan is a Psy-Up and has a touch of the tism. Okay. Chicken figure. Donny T's favorite drink is tism. Okay. Chicken finger. Donny T's favorite drink is orange juice. Okay.

Or, because he's an orange kid. Orange juice maybe. Yeah, I'm just going to chicken finger it. Ann Rosakis, Hayden, Jason Fontaine, fumes on my wiener from a bad history of Hygiene. Put them on the list. Okay. Fumes on my wiener is funny. Yeah, and from a bad, yeah, very funny.

Lindsay, Alex H Hicks sauce monkey kid Who doesn't really like his mom? Sorry mom? Okay, muzzy kid that loves tobacco so whenever I see frisbees packets news I call them the Zinfandel Zinfandel Okay, he went for something infidel Zinfandel. I don't get it. He went for something. Zinfandel, Zinfandel, okay. Yeah, he went for it. Michael Gaylor, Daniel Terry, Carl, The Frisbee Dojo, aka Croft Gaza, okay? Okay.

Cutie with a smoothie, who loves Puerto Rican booty? Okay. Christopher DeLeo, Ricky, Kalo, K-Fabe, Sammy Sosa, the OG deep fake, Jared Denson, Alex, boingo Eastern Hemmings make me go pure and go Murphy. Okay, Chrissy like sweets Yanni likes feats. I want to Walked it a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah do that He's snuck by the goalie. It's what it is. Yeah.

Brad's a hockey goal. Yeah. It's tough to get in, but you know, you can get it in. Brad's Igor shooting glue to commas, curry foot fumes. Okay. It's pecks on pickled peppers. It's walked into a nice family member, but it is funny. Yeah. Uh, Kanye, but it is funny.

Kanye Doff Hitler. Alex Kellogg's Auschwitz. Frosted frisbee tips now with added hummus. Raise on G. Yeah, I walked in a one. Yeah, it's a good one though. Low dose Lesbos. Low dose Lesbos definition of a chicky.

Chicken finger. Sal. My Asian GF squints to think so her IQ goes up. So walk did a what did a what? Yeah. Steve Swayze UCF that needs young Mark, Nate and Sergio from Dossett to glue. Got it. He watches a Dossett video and jerks off to guys.

Yeah. I'm not gay. It's just a DIY colonoscopy. Put them on the list. Okay. Scan this podcast in the Yucca app and it said, good, added hormones might lead to breast cancer. P.S. love you, sluts.

Thank you. Drexler. Then we got, I drew a swastika on my Tesla before it was cool. Put them on the list. List, okay, good. Very funny. Timmy A03, bricked up string

bean, Savannah, red beard electrical, my best blowjob was from Muzzy. Yeah. Noah face, three dollar Bill Hader, the rectum rater. Okay. That's good. Then they put a peach. That's a good one. Drexler. Okay. I take my coffee Sean King, white chocolate mocha with extra cream. Put them on the list. Okay. Yeah. That's it. Take my coffee Sean King.

That's very funny. Yeah. Poke me up and slap my nuts in that big gay hat. Drexler. One of the fume remaining that listened to chaos. One of the fume remaining. Fume Chaos. One of the fume remaining. Fume remaining. That listened to Chaos, but good.

Dragster. Dragster. Ned Dickey, Glooey Lewis and the Jews. Dragster. Gerbil Play, call me Richard Queer. Okay. Gerbil. Gerbil Play, call me Richard Queer.

Yeah, put him on the list. List, okay. Good one. Going down on AOC longer than Whitney Houston's bath time. Ow! Yeah. Put them on the list! That's what I did.

She was in there for a little while. Day in the Tooth, Brazil. Wayne Martin. The Israelis are spawn camping Jesus. Okay, not good. Scott McDonald, Chris, King Jabroni, P. So Small, Looks Like I Got Three Balls. Yeah, it's an oldie but goodie. Get out of my deli if you're... I'd say that. That's disparaging. That's racist. Can't do that. I'm starting the

Bay Ridge Ice Vollies, Who's In? Brandon Gozgogeian, Harry Junk, Pat, Gary Busse's Lobotomous, Gary Busey's Lobotomous, Hoffa Files, Jake Redd, PittsburghDogTrainer.com, screwed in, screwed in, screwed in, website, yeah, sniffing Megan Sharpie Markle, moaned when the toilet water splashed my ass, now I'm in FF. toilet water splashed my ass now I'm in FF. funny. Maximilian Lane, Alexander Rodriguez, Miss Rachel makes my llama llama hoppity hop. Got it. MW sniffed the wrong glue still got high. So he sniffed common.

Yeah. Xbox boy, Sean Terry's buff beef cake daddy. When I tickle my sister's foot, my mom always says stop. Wait. When I tickle my sister's foot, my mom always says stop it. What? Oh my god. Jesus Christ.

Oh my god. It was ill. It's inventive, but it's gross, but it's inventive. It's bad though. That's like you should go to therapy. Yeah, yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

Inventive though. Can't sleep naked or I'll wipe the sheets. Wife just left and she, wife just left and she cock a hoops. I can't even, man too long wolf pussy okay Sigourney's beaver Sigourney's beaver chicken finger nice nice fart twice clip the first was the tip the second happened on a family trip Drexler Wow yeah you like that one no yeah no I list it no no no no that's a Drexler. Wow. Yeah. You like that one? No, yeah. You want to list it?

No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, it's a Drex. The second happened on a family trip is funny. It is funny, yeah. Steven Salinas. Wait, because he got clipped on the family trip. It's twice clipped. First was the tip.

I didn't understand this. Circumcised. I'm putting it on the list. The second happened on a family trip. And Uncle got him. So he got circumcised and then he got touched. He got clipped, yeah. So let's put him on the list.

Okay. Sorry, you know, that was so good. It went past me Took me a second Contender net bass a contender Steve Salinas, then we got horn pub hashtag screwed in Z14590 the jizzard. I eat ff Asians for breakfast a kick Shit there's so bad that was bad. That was bad. That was bad. Inventive. God, it's bad though. Josh, Dick Zillow. Boyfriend, Michael Penix.

A Cousy Wuzzy fucking Muzzies. Mike Hal. Saturdays for the boys, Sundays, the boys for the table. Okay. Got it. But curious, David McMartin, Ellie Seward, Fintan Parsons, CTE induced. Oh wow.

Oh, like to attack the over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hope not, we hope not. We walked into one. Yeah. Vivek, AKA $3 Bin Laden. Okay. Fufu Fume Fighters, RFK's Whale.

Oh, the one he cut the head off of. Right. Sigurthie Weaver. We had that one already. No, but that was the, we had a Sigourney Beaver. Sigourney Beaver. Oh, wow. Why are there a couple of Sigourney, that's interesting.

Adam Patterson, Rory Baird, Tobias Thornton. You know what I think some people do? They sign up twice and make two accounts. I think they try to like, you know? Tobias Thornton, not even a chicken finger. Ishmael Salazar, Flip from the Mountains of Monte Leroy, I mean Montenegro, shout out Uncle Jimmy. Wow, Montenegro. One of my best friends. But he called him Monte Leroy. Oh, he called him Monta Leroy? He called, he said, Flip, Philip from the mountains of Monta Leroy, I mean Montenegro, shout out Uncle Jimmy. He called Monta Negro, Monta Leroy.

Wow. Put him on the list. That's another way. Yeah. You got two past Yanni with you. Yeah, that one got past me. One past you, as it never happened. We got two past you. Wow. Monta Leroy. It's easy to get it past me. One past you as it never happened. We got two past you. Wow. Montelimo. It's easy to get it past me because I couldn't see on the sides. It just comes straight.

I got one eye. Yeah. So it's easy to get to the right or left. Chrissy D and Yanni P can come take me physically. Chrissy's handprint on Gaga's ass cheek. Sam Schill, hashtag border patrol Instagram. Andre Lazo, Ike. Epstein's Island Marine Biology Summer Camp

for gifted teens. Wow, that's good. Adolf's ultimate frisbee. Put them on the list. Okay. That's really good. Adolf's ultimate frisbee league. That's a walked into one.

Sorry. John McCoussus, Taiwanese on his knees, Poundama Canal, like Poundama, okay. Chrissy Nut in Mom Nine Years Ago, I Need School Shoes Dad. Wei-Shan Chien, Pruel, Dicky Disl, John Trotta, Cashmere Jonas, Hunter, Mvega, Julio Sanchez, Amy Schumer's Dry Fumer, Chairman Mao's intermittent fasting regime.

Really good. He starved his people. Yeah. I'm going to Drexler that. Okay. The New York Epstein's Islanders. That's really good. Drexler.

God, these are good. That guy, 2122, need a desert Latina to give my cocks nut. Desert Latina's funny. Sigrun Choi joy Andrew McGraw travel I went all the way with the guy now I shit oatmeal cream pies Drexler Mike Geary 2004 Dave Matthews band Chicago River incident do you know what that is what happened we don't know what happened well look it up Nick bars crew of 82 at first she said no but, but then it grew. Very funny. Blank shooter Rari. My dog barks at me under that hat.

That's what, Dean. Thinks you see if there's horns there or something. Thomas Horvath used to follow Christianity until Chrissy Dee took my virginity, now I'm a table squeak. until Chrissy D took my virginity, now I'm a table squeak. A table squeak! It's funny. Yeah. What do you want to do?

Mr. Drexler? I mean, we got a lot on the list already, but it is funny. Table squeak made you laugh. Table squeak is very funny. Why don't you throw it on there then? Throw it on there for the laugh. Table squeak is very funny. Brad Ryspinski, Joseph Baldwin, Harry Murta, Kassner 26, Jordan Garlick, Bellybutton Stank, Donny T's Bottom B who's looking for a bigger peen,

Post Corn Ass Eater, Christopher Verri, Jesse, Baby Gorgeous Needs His Baba filled up from Chrissy's Pseudo Tip. Okay, that's good. Maybe we should stop. Yeah, I was going to say, okay, so that's, yeah, that's it for now and we'll get to the rest of the names next week, but let's read this list. Okay. So we got Philip from the mountains of Monte Leroy, I mean, Montenegro, shout out Uncle Jimmy. We're going to Drexel that. Drexel that, okay. Good one though.

Epstein's Island Marine Biology Summer Camp for Gifted Teens. We're going to keep that as a contender. Okay. I took ayahuasca, but the shaman touched my titi kaka, now my fumes are interdimensional. We're going to keep that as a contender. Fumes on my wiener from a bad history of hygiene. That's a good one, any other day. Drexler it. Drexler it.

Sorry, I'm sorry. All right. And then we got. The lock of the draw. I'm not gay, it's just a D-I-Y colonoscopy. We're going to Drexler it. I know not gay, it's just a DIY colonoscopy. We're gonna Drexler it. Got it.

I know who's gonna win. Yeah. We got, I drew a swastika on my Tesla before it was cool. Very funny, but you're being Drexler. Very funny. Any other day. I take my coffee, Sean King, white chocolate mocha with extra cream. That's a contender.

Okay. So we got it, yeah. Two contenders so far. Gerbil, Play, Call Me Richard Queer. It's so good, but it's probably been done any other day. Yeah going down on AOC longer than Whitney Houston's bath time It's it's almost a walked into one because she was just laying dead. Yeah, no, we used advanced We got it. We got it directly. I love Whitney. Yeah loves Whitney Twice clip the first was the tip the second happened on a family trip. We're gonna contender that Twice clipped, the first was the tip, the second happened on a family trip.

We're gonna contender that. Okay, so the contenders here folks. Three contenders. Twice clipped, the first was the tip, the second happened on a family trip. I took ayahuasca, but the shaman touched my titi kaka, now my fumes are interdimensional. That's the one that's the good one.

Or Epstein's Island Marine Biology summer camp, forgive the teats. Those are three goodies. But we do this right. We do. My vote, we're gonna have to vote because these are three goodies. I'm going with the interdimensional. Yep, Jesse. Yep So congratulations to you. I took ayahuasca, but the shaman touched my TT. Kaka. Now my fumes are interdimensional You're the winner. See your name up in lights at history hyenas is back calm

We got a bunch of dates up there. Both our stand-up dates are up there. Yanni you're off the road You're on the road. I'm on the road. A few dates coming up. Stanford, Montana, whatever are coming. But my special is coming out June 1st. So get ready. It's called Property Owner. So get ready. What we're going to do is we're going to put it up exclusively for Patreon members of the Matriarchy First for a couple of weeks. What you can do is go watch it there for ten dollars. Or if you want to just join the matriarchy and get all the content, you can get it for five dollars as well if you join the matriarchy.

So five or ten. If you join for ten, you get all the video content for all the rest of our content and you become a member of the community. So it's for the fans, for the fans. And we're going to do a live watch party with at patreon.com slash history. I know this for when Yanni special comes out so you can get, watch it along with us,

communicate with us and all that. And then for me, go to ChristieComedy.com. At the end of May, I'm in Washington DC, Durham, North Carolina and Charleston, South Carolina. Then in June, we're in Kansas City, Denver. We're in San Francisco area in some casino, we're in New Mexico. We have a bunch of dates at ChristieComedy.com.

September 11th, Madison Square Garden Arena has been moved to the theater, so go get those tickets because they're almost sold out. And then the Wilbur Theater and the Chevalier Theater in Boston in October. ChristieComedy.com for Tiki Wikis.