History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - From Spears to Split Atoms: The History of Military Tools | History Hyenas

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

Chris and Yanni take you on a journey through the history of military weapons. From the Stone Age to the present, mankind has always found new ways to annihilate each other. Throughout time, whoever got to the newest technology first usually won. Behind every great empire was a weapons advantage that made it all possible. Whoever thought the greatest weapon of all could keep the peace? Support our sponsors: http://lucy.co/hyenas Start your free online visit today at https://Hims.com/HYENAS. Go to https://everyplate.com/podcast and use code HYENAS199 to get started. #comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://teespring.com/stores/historyhyenas Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Babe, we got a great episode. It is about the evolution of weaponry. We're gonna take it all from nuclear bombs all the way back to stone tools. And do not worry, baby Gorgi, because this is a fun, fun episode, not about despair and destruction. You can get all that in the news.

We're just having fun telling you about some of the new weapons that we got out there for you. Yeah, it's gonna be great. Go to patreon.com slash history hyenas for ad free episodes, early and bonus content. Join the beam team. See me live in Poughkeepsie, October, August 22nd and 23rd, Stanford, Connecticut, December 5th and 6th.

This is all over the place. December dates, West Nyack, Providence, July 11th and 12th, Rosemont August 8th and 9th, Tampa August 15th and 16th, Poughkeepsie August 22nd, 23rd, Miami September 11th and December 12th and other dates up there, Bakersfield California October 3rd and 4th, and watch my special on the History Ienas YouTube channel, Property Owner. It's what it is and go to chrisdcomedy.com or historyinasback.com

for all my dates. Brea Improv are the ones coming up July 18th and 19th in Brea, California and then we've just had in Montreal July 26th so go see those July dates. We're also in Minneapolis and we are in Winnipeg so So chrissycomedy.com for Tiki's or HistoryAniasisback.com. Enjoy this episode. It's doozy. Hello everyone, welcome to another episode of the History Hyenas. Today we are going to be talking about the history and the evolution of artillery, because who would Homo sapiens be if we didn't have ways to kill each other, which are also ways to keep peace?

Yeah, so we're going to talk about the evolution of weapons. We're going to go all the way. We're going to go backwards. What we're going to do is, like that movie movie Memento, that just goes backwards in time, we're gonna go backwards in time and we're gonna go from getting killed by nukes to getting killed by stone tools.

Yeah, and when we talk about the evolution of weapons, we're talking about things that were invented by men, used by men, because ladies still fight the same way, they haven't evolved, they pull each other's hair, and then it's a draw. It's just what it is. It's just a draw. Yeah, every female fight just ends in a draw.

Yeah. Unless they braid up their hair. Yeah. Or they got a short haircut and they're lesbos. Lesbians. Now, cuz you really went in on the nukes, cuz you make no mistake, you are preparing for the end. Okay, you're preparing for nuclear fallout. And you also, I know you're preparing for the end

because I was watching you pee earlier and you dribbled on your pants. I dribbled on my pants a little bit, which is just something that happens. You get to a certain age and there's just going to be some pee that escapes. Cause I'm going to call you Allen Iverson because you're a dribbler. You know how most people like to stay in the group and there's a few people who are independent thinkers and they leave the group just when you get older your pee there's just a few independent droplets. It's what is it? They just want to run away. It's just they want to land on your pants. They want to land on their pants

and it's just and I know you know when people start to dribble on their urine what happens is it's a sign of sundowning, which you said you've been doing since 2018, but it's also a sign of you're preoccupied, you're nervous, you're thinking about what's to come, and baby, you think a nuke is what's to come. Here's the thing about nukes. This is the irony about nukes.

What we're gonna do here is we're gonna take you to present day and where we are now, and then we're gonna go back into history and then we'll discuss how they evolved, the pros and cons, and what we think about the whole thing. Yeah and I think what you'll see why this will be a comforting episode for everyone is because this is not doom and gloom. This is not about oh my god the world's gonna end like you see in every media outlet. It's not that all you're gonna see that we've actually been having the same problems since the beginning of time. It's just with different weapons, hon, and

different colored people being the aggressor. We've had some of the same problems with some of the same people. Centuries don't change, weapons change, but some people don't. Some people don't. And what you'll see from the beginning of time is yes, people don't change, weapons don't change, and they'll always be fighting in the Middle East. That's why you can't make jokes about the Middle East because it's always too soon. You're like, wait, can I make a joke now? And you're like, no, they're popping off again.

It's still too soon. Yeah. It's just literally, it's just different countries just get a little bit further ahead, but they make absolutely no mistake. They are in a thousand year fight. They're just in a sandstorm over there. There's just constantly, if you look from deep space with a camera and you look down, you're just gonna see dust kicked up

because there's constantly a sandstorm over there. There's always a fight and it's just what it is. And we're probably never gonna solve it. That'll probably be fighting for our lifespan, our kids lifespan. And it's just what it is. What we do is just stay away. That's why I said I'm going to Atlantic City.

Yeah, we just wanna stay away. And the irony is Atlantic City looks going to Atlantic City. Yeah, we just want to stay away. And the irony is Atlantic City looks a little like Tehran. It does. It looks like it got bombed. And make no mistake, we've said this many times in the pod before, but you better thank your lucky stars if you are sitting comfy, wumpy inside the confines of the beautiful, these United States, because you are protected by the ocean. You're protected by the ocean. If you're listening us from England, you are not protected by the ocean. You're protected by the ocean. If you're listening to us from England, you are not protected by the ocean. You're just not.

You're just not. And things just. Well, England's got a little ocean. They got a little channel. Yeah, but if you're sitting in Poland, or you're sitting in Estonia, or you're sitting in Lithuania, or you're sitting in Israel, or you're sitting in Lebanon, these are all contiguous countries,

and you're not protected by an ocean. You don't got Smithtown water between you and the enemy. Yeah, that's what it is. We are surrounded by Smithtown water and we got steroids in our water. Yeah, we got water everywhere and you always need a little Smithtown fucking fully charged fluoride in water in between you and the Muslims. Now cuz, hit the fucking button. Jesus Christ, Jessi's having a good time over there!

Yeah! Now, tell me about what you learned about Newt. What we... We got a little thing called Newt that was invented by a little guy called Oppenheimer. Who was what? Was he German? Was he Jew? What was he? He was a destroyer of worlds. It's just what he said. He said, I've become destroyer of worlds,

and all I know about him is he was Killian Murphy. Yeah's Killian Murphy and that's all it is. He was just a guy that built the nuke and we got the nuke and we wanted to use it and we used it. And I'll tell you, and this is all you need to know about life and where it is and this is a 100% true story, is I was watching that movie Oppenheimer, which came out the same time as Barbie, they were calling it Barbenheimer, and it was the biggest movie box office grossing weekend in like, I believe the history of movies are certainly in a very, very long time.

So I mean, big as big could be. And one of the actors in that movie, Josh Peck, who's a great guy, while I was watching the movie, texted me if I could come and do his podcast. And that is a 100% true story. I said, I'm in Oppenheimer right now. And he goes, that's awesome. I filmed that about six months ago. Can you do the pod? We need the numbers. Well, here's the situation is Josh Peck was a Patreon member of the Yanis

Papasauer for a couple of years until I talked to him on the Patreon. He said, now I have to leave. Yeah, it's just what it is. It's just how the cookie crumbles. Sometimes that cookies on the floor, it's getting eaten by a dog and you step on it by accident it's smushed it's smushed cookie so this is where our industry is now because because we're going to go backwards in time and we're starting because we thought talking about nuclear weapons or the most advanced weaponry now would be an interesting place to start because you know it might affect us but even if it does just make absolutely no mistake we will be here for you even if we are even if we are dust in an x-ray, we will still be doing this podcast. We are here to start this podcast. We are

committed to you, our loyal fans and our new followers. Welcome with a beamcast. Okay. New can't get you if you're surfing on the beam. I want you to tight rope walk on that beam. I want you to take your shoes and socks off. I want you to feel the earth, my friends. I want you to ground. I want you to ground on the beam. I want you to hop on that little Jesus tightrope and feel your toes squiggle and hug that beam. And then I want you to let out three yases.

I want you to fart. I want you to get all that gas out, have a seltzer, preferably a chow, Pellegrino that has a little fruit juice in it. And I want you to burp out all that bad energy and then I want you to run your fingers through your hair feel grateful for the fact that you have hair and if you don't go get hair tits in Turkey there's always a solution to every problem stay on the beam and make sure you keep your cholesterol and

a bad baseball hitters numbers. Yes, you want to be 220 you want to be a guy you want to have a Michael Jordan in the minor league average 100% stay on the beam and that was Yanni's first beamcast and I think he did great. Let's give him some claps. Yeah. Yeah. We're here for you, my friends. We're here for you, my friends. And um, and everything that Yanni said is 100% accurate. I echo everything Yanni said and I'm going to lead the charge right now. Yas, yas, yas. Three times for the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Get the gay out three times. You get the gay out three times for the Father, Son,

and Holy Spirit, and also the amount of bills you are. You are the readout of the bills. And if you wanna click your heels and do a little jump and a jumping jack, that'll help too, because that gets the synonymial fluid moving. Synomial fluid, so what you gotta do, and by the way, we're about seven minutes, 45 minutes into this pod, and make no mistake,, I'm going to start doing squats in about

two and a half minutes. So you got the snow-view fluid movement through Joints, but also what I would like to remind you, and I may have said this last week, and if I did I apologize, but remember if I ever repeat anything that I say here on this Beam Cursor, anything on this podcast, remember what Mark Cerulli has told us my friends, is that we never step in the same river twice. And if you hear it again, you're hearing it through different eyes and different ears, and you're breathing different sounds in, and you can just the river flows and it is never the same. You never step in the same river twice. But today the message on the Beamcast is, remember life is not happening to you. Your perception of life is happening to you. So how you perceive anything is what the actual truth is.

Okay, so do not be influenced, my friends, by what others say, by what the media says, what your mother says. How do you feel, what do you think? Your perception of you is all that is important. So I encourage you, my friends, to perceive yourself in positive good spirits, because that is the only thing that you can do,

is perceive yourself in a positive good way. And that, my friends, is what I want you to take out into the world today, in addition to, as we said last week, is treat every single person as if they're going to die at midnight. Yeah, now that's what we like to call, that's our little fireside chat. That's our little fireside chat to our beam team. You are our beam team. There's plenty of room on the beam for all you with me and Chrissy. Yes. And then somebody asked me the other day, what is the significance of the laser beam team? And I said, that is for our friends in Indian Pakistan. That's the laser beam. That's the only difference. Yeah.

That's the only difference. Those are significantly, those are the laser beam team. Yeah. And it's because they are laser beams. They are laser beams. And they are one of us in every single way. They are. They are. They just, they're in the scope. Yeah. And so it's very, um, apropos that we're starting talking about perceptions because let's talk about how modern warfare is fought in there. And now, after this long- You just said apropos. Let me remind you, you are an apra-homo. I am an enigma, just like you wrapped in a- Yeah, Yeah, it's just what it is.

It's what we are. We're Russian dolls of f***. Yeah, and I am an enigma minus the EN and the MA. Weisongxian. That's right. It's just what it is. That one has to go on the Patreon. You can always find that word in other words,

like a Russian doll. It is, it's what I am. Yeah, it's what it is. It's what I am, it's who like a Russian doll. It's what it is. It's what I am. It's what I am. It's who we are. Yeah, it's what you are. And I feel comfortable wearing four men on my chest right now. I'm wearing the old school New York Yankees on my chest.

Yeah, I like that you got men on your chest. Yeah, I got men on my chest. You got New York men on your chest. It's what it is. It makes me feel good. Yeah, you take the New York Tri-State area with you wherever you go. Wherever I go. You see Chrissy walking around, I don't care where it is, New Mexico. You see him walking

around the Silicon Valley. He's bringing Queens to where he is. It's what it is. It's what I do. And we are at the 10 minute mark. Keep talking. Keep doing. Yeah. There's only two people who you may know who just can't get rid of the Tri-State area, and that is Christa Stefano and Rosanna Scotto. It's what it is. They're just people who have strong accents and they can't get rid of it. So if you see Chrissy in a movie, they're going to have to rewrite it and say, this Viking from the 13th century happened to be from Ridgewood Queens. It's what it is.

It's what it is. It's what it is, Coach. You're a Ridgewood Viking. I'm a Ridgewood Viking. Yes. Yes. So we'll start with the perceptions because that's how war is fought now. Psy ops, cyber attacks, hacking, disinformation campaigns.

These things have been proven, they've been stopped, and here's another way that the tech warlords, these transhumanists are running our life is they constantly have to liaison with the government and try to stop these infiltrations by these foreign adversaries through their proxy actors and it happens all the fucking time. Because if you take our friends listening to this podcast who are on the garbage truck right now understand a word you just said you got nothing coming you went to private school they did not we got you know sabotaging infrastructure the Chinese are constantly being caught doing that what do you mean sabotaging infrastructure try to kill the grid they send hacks to the computers on it they've been

caught a few times doing that member Jesse so they've been caught. They tried this, this, this husband and wife, these two, uh, uh, oh yes, I saw them. They tried to bring, right. They tried to, they, they hit it. Yeah. They tried to bring, um, a, uh, like a, what was it? Like a, uh, a potato, like a, uh, wasn't it like a food that had a virus on it? I think it was a bad potato. Yeah. It was basically a bad potato that could ruin our crops. Yeah, it's just what it is. Yeah, because you can't mutually assure destruction insurers that you can't be invaded, you can't be bombed because then we'll wipe you out, everyone will be gone.

So what they're trying to do is to rot us from the inside. It's what it is. A lot of people think fentanyl is another one of those methods. China's getting fentanyl into everything. And obviously it is. Right. Because what else is the reason? Why would you want to kill your customers?

They're trying to rot us from the inside like they have halitosis. And we met one of our friends who had halitosis this weekend. Yes, they're trying to get inside. Just a sticky breath and there's nothing you can do about it. And halitosis is a bad, bad thing to have because even when you have mints, it can just plow through and it's bad. It can just be very very bad. So some of the things that have been confirmed are the Mueller report confirmed widespread use of fake social media accounts and bots. Confirmed by the way

Yanis and and Yanis Papas and Chris Stefanova also been confirmed. We're confirmed we're fully charged. We're fully charged confirmed members of UCF. Yeah our our faces are on what you call three dollar bills. Confirmed. Yeah there's. There was a $2 bill that had Jefferson on it. There's a $3 bill that had me and Chrissy just going like this and kicking our heels. Yeah, it's just what it is. Because we're fully confirmed. And somebody make that.

That's how you're going to be able to buy merch is with the $3 history hyena bill. I'm screwed it. Should we do a $3 bill meme coin? Because we don't do it. We don't support it. Yeah. We're not going to inflate that. The only way to buy our our anti lean brews that are coming out are gonna be with the three dollar

Bills that we're also gonna make I have give me the yarmulke Where's the yummy? I don't know Jesse Jesse usually has one on him. Oh, yeah, Jesse Yeah, give me the yarmulke out of your back pocket puts half of one on right side of this just what it is Cuz you ever wear half a yami. No, no I don't, but I'm half circumcised. That is true. Oh, by the way, I think we got it wrong cause we made some jokes that the muzzies weren't clipped, but they are clipped.

Sorry about that, our muzzy brothers and sisters. Yeah, you guys are clipped. Sorry about that. Yeah, they don't got the Klan hoods. Yeah. But so the Mueller report confirmed the widespread use of fake social media accounts and bots to spread divisive content, COVID-19 disinformation

campaigns, state and non-state actors spread. These were all people who were caught. They traced it. Conflicting info to create distrust. China's influence ops, amplifying narratives through fake personas and controlled media.

They're in there with bots, arguing with people. They're boosting algorithms. So if you post, for example, this is something a lot of people aren't aware of. So if you post an opinion about something and they like the message a little bit, what they do is they'll send views to your, they'll artificially juice it. So it becomes more salient and shows up

in more people's algorithms. And if you look at any post, look at any, say, political post or what have you online, if you scroll, take a few minutes and scroll through the comments just for a test, you'll see that some of the comments are exactly the same with the exact same punctuation, with the exact same spelling mistakes because they are just bots and they have different profile pictures, but they're just bots over and over and over again. So a lot of the times when you're arguing with someone online, you

are arguing with a bot. You are not arguing with a real person. Most times you're not. Which has got to be a fun job for people in those countries. You just sit there and just know that they're arguing with someone. They must be laughing their ass off. Okay, it's time to do 10 more squats. What is that?

No, no. We got five more minutes. I thought it was the food coming. Oh, okay. But instead it was Tampa Tony. It was Barney Rubble calling me. Oh, Barney Rubble was out there. So, and then there's studies from Oxford, Stanford, and MIT that show that

bot armies pushing fake trends like I just said attacking dissenters and seeding conspiracy theories and then there's been coordinated inauthentic behavior which is called CIB campaigns. Okay. By our intelligence. And what is that? Which are regularly removed that's what those are called. Okay though they're CIB. Yeah so pushing fake trends attacking dissenters and seeding conspiracy theories is called CIBs which is coordinated inauthentic behavior campaigns and those are regularly removed by Metta, Twitter, whatever. So what you're saying is even now like what the point that we're at now is not even about the nuclear weapons. No. This

is this is the way in because they can't, I think that what's pretty crystal clear is that the United States Army and military, we are the number one military by far. I watched a YouTube video that said if every other country in the world came together, they still couldn't land invade us because we have too many defense systems like what Israel has with the Iron Dome. We have that times a thousand. We've just never had to use it. So you cannot get in, but I think the other countries know that. People saying, oh, this attack on Iran is going to make them bomb us.

That's not possible. What they'll do is they'll get in through other ways, through biohacking, through terrorism, through that. So that and that, we are not as advanced as the other countries. So we've beefed up our military, we have these weapons that can do anything, but this is the main problem. Right. And the people rule here, right? And what's our culture? Our culture is getting money. So they know that we're susceptible to it. We have no firewall against disinformation and these type

of fake, these CIBs, because let's say you're a content creator, right? Which is where wars are fought now, information, right? And you say, I'm gonna make this tweet, or I'm gonna post this video about how Israel or Iran is right or wrong, or I'm gonna re-question this history and say something. And then all these bots that are just freely on X or on meta, you know, surreptitiously,

just watch it and comment on it. And the algorithm goes, oh, this must be a popular video. So then you're an influencer, you notice, oh, this video that I did about this content got so much traction. Like Pavlovian dog, what does the algorithm want you to do? Rinse and repeat. It wants you to do the same thing over and over again

because the algorithm is not human and can't judge. It just goes popularity over here. So you're trained like a Pavlovian dog to go, let me make another one. You didn't even believe it when you started, but you're going like, hey, maybe, maybe now I'm pro-Iran. It's just what it is. Because I'm getting the most AdSense on.

That's what it is. And so they juice you and so they They uh seen that happen to a few people. Yeah, so you start to see this more See you're going people are starting to post all this serious stuff. You go is that organic? Wait, let's see This might be the food. Okay, let's find out cuz hello enemies food. Oh Are you here? Yeah, okay Six, okay. Yeah, I just want to say booty booty booty boo. Yeah, okay. We're coming out. My guy's coming out.

He might be a little Jewish, so just pursue a caution. Thank you, sir. Thank you. You're welcome. All right, thank you. You understand what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, whatever. So yeah, that's what they're doing. And I mean, their goal has also been to sabotage infrastructure,

like I said, steal intelligence, disrupt economies. In 2010, there was something called STUZ, S-T-U called stuze stuze any at what's that called stuze net stuze net yeah yeah guess where the US and Israel allegedly use malware to cripple Iran's nuclear program so we're doing it too well see that's the thing too it's like they say with these bombs these bunker these bunker buster bombs which I think we'll get to, that that really wasn't the best way to disable them. That the best way to disable them is, like you said, I heard that today on the news that

you should be disabling it through technology, not bombs. Yeah. Yeah. I think the goal there is to get that regime out. But that's another thing. That's what Trumpy said. That's not what the goal is. And I believe Donnie Tate.

Yeah. Well, you always got to believe Donnie Tate. So also just other examples. There were solar wind hacks in 2020, Russian state actors infiltrated US government and private networks to hack the solar wind. They hacked the sun. They hacked the sun, cuz. They hacked the fucking sun. And then you got Chinese and North Korean hackers who are targeting intellectual property,

military secrets, and cryptocurrency. So that's the that's, so that's the thing with crypto. That's the only dangerous thing. If these guys hack the crypto, it'll lose all its value. Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. And also what they do, which is a lot of people don't know is they use fake

product reviews and scam sellers often to link back. Uh, and they also do data harvesting through sketchy shopping acts and platforms. So if you go and you buy something on some sketchy app, they fucking steal your data. They find out everything about you. Yeah, and you got to be careful, by the way, on Amazon. A lot of the supplements you're buying, like if you're buying berberine, red yeast,

rice, vitamin K with D2 uptake because you've got high cholesterol, you've got to make sure it's the real one. Because a lot of these companies, what they're doing is on Amazon, they're putting a fake bottle with the pills that look exactly like the ones that are real but they're not real yeah so you got to make sure you got to know there's a guy I trust on Instagram his name is Dan founder and he's an Eastern Heming you can trust yeah which is hard to find right yeah he's been embedded as an American patriot yeah he's

a he's a little it's like when you see an Asian NYPD yeah you go this guy was born and bred Dan founders a good kid yeah when you see an Asian NYPD. Yeah, he's got this guy with foreign bread Dan founders a good kid Yeah, when you see sergeant woo, yeah, you're like this guy grew up in New York Yeah, his parents don't speak a lick of English, but this kid roots for the Yankees. Yeah roots for the Yankees big Yeah, he was right. He's big. So yeah, we're in this warfare. Most people don't even know it's happening But you know digital psychological economic warfare is happening and it's happening digitally because everyone can be reached, everyone can be watched, everyone's data can be gathered and you can sway public opinion and create discord through this psychological warfare.

Yeah, because right now I know a guy is a Navy SEAL, very, very strong guy, but he's a little bit more old school in the mindset of, I think, as you said, Yanni, the wars are going to be fought, the soldiers moving forward in the future are going to be very intelligent, very articulate. And I know there's many members of our armed forces that are that already, but the guys who are really fighting on the ground, the SEALs, I mean, this guy, I said to him, I said, how you doing with all this? I said, do you think we're in World War III?

Do you think World War III is going to start? He said, I think that the history books will look back and say, we've already been in it. We've already been in it for a couple of years. And I said, what are you doing now? And he said, I'm actually in a boat on our way to the Middle East to go make some shawarma. Why shawarma?

So that's just what he said. And so I said, OK. So he said, if I don't get back to you, just know I'm making shawarma. Yeah. I said, OK, those are people. And he wrote, no, they're not. That's just what, but by the way, I know it's fucked up, but he feels that way about them, but they feel that way about him. So it's just soldiers doing that.

You need soldiers to think that way. You can't have soldiers going, well, you know, they're people too. And I don't really want to do this. Yeah, that's not what you. And that's why the drafts never really works. Then you're going to draft guys like us who are like, we don't want to do this. Listen, but what about the other side's perspective? Yeah.

Yeah, we don't want to do that. We're content creators. Yeah, it's what it is. We're just in it for content. We're here to make you laugh. We don't want to hurt anyone. We don't want to hurt anyone because and absolutely for the right price,

I will put an Iranian flag on anything So why what it is little mom was well is gonna start hitting people over the head with a semolina bread with a go God's a sign on it Israel Qatar, we're here. We're available Yeah, just show us that you can boost one of our fucking videos up high we will tailor our message in one second Mahadi al-Muhammad adi or baraka toya al-khayri al-mulhainu I will go one way or the other just put the check on the table that it says it right there in our bio the history in his podcast is for the table we are for the table which means we're for sale it's what it is okay so so that was

this is that's the most recent warfare What about going back to do? Do we do? Oh, sorry, you know what? We're gonna go what we're gonna do even though the fans have voiced that they hate this. It doesn't matter We're doing it. Anyway, we are now gonna go into the next phase of weaponry right after this break Messages from our sponsors. Yeah, cuz I tell, I'm a nicotine guy. You are. I got a Lucy in right now. I love Lucy. I love the convenience. It comes right to your door. You never have to go to a gas station. You know, they sell them there too, but it's just nice to get on the program. Well, it is nice to get in the program. And as I told you, I tried my first Lucy

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Restrictions apply. See website for full details and important safety information. So I just want to say this, which is interesting, Chrissy. When you think about recruitment now, right, you need guys who can push buttons. You need guys who have a lot of time on their hands, who can get in the comments and make some things happen. So I think the new Army recruitment in the future is going to be, when you're a good troll, when you're a fat kid sitting with a slurpee, with no puss, your dicks as dry as the fucking Sahara Desert, because chicks won't look at you, because they're all trying to bang 20% of the same guys,

and you're not one of them, Yeah. Because you were born genetically disadvantaged. Yeah. But you're on there on that computer and you're harassing fucking actors, comedians, celebrities. I feel like you're talking directly to my group chat right now. Exactly. Yeah. Those people, the army's going to start recruiting them. They're like, hey, they're going to go, hey, we saw that message you left at the bottom of that Mark Wahlberg video.

Yeah. And you called him a hate crime fucking squeak. We like your style kid. We need you to get in there for the red, white and blue and get into some of these Chinese and Iranian algorithms and start harassing them. We're going to start recruiting our best, not our best and brightest, but our worst fat and laziest. It's just what it is. And they're going to be our most efficient workers. It's very ironic. We need trolls right now.

We saw how quick your mind works. We saw that as soon as we posted a picture of Trump getting a bullet through his ear, you posted a picture on your account that said, let's go Mets under it. So we saw that and we just thought that that's really good and we really know how to rally troops. Hey, were you the person who was sitting at home just watching internet stuff that commented under flagrant 2 that Akash better laugh along or else Shultz will get a new H1B. Yeah. You ever thought about doing that for your country? Yeah I gotta be honest with you I would not be shocked if the CIA is already looking at patreon.com slash

history news because some of the people who make the funniest names there they must be looking at them saying that kid's got talent. That kid's got talent. Did you just call Tim Dillon a fat gay pig? Yeah. Do you want to do that for Uncle Sam? Yeah.

Patreon.com slash history hiatus is where that is the new CIA recruitment center. Because we, our beam team is full of people ready to go to war. Yeah. Get in that fucking Chinese TikTok. Yeah. And call people for an over again. Yeah. Yeah. We are ready to win this troll war. We're going to do it. We're going to get in there. Yeah. America, I mean, this is the thing. This is where they think we don't have the advantage, but we do. Who's got fat, who's got more fat, lazy losers than us? Nobody. Who got more time to sit on the computer and Mind through content and come up with trolling comments us USA that's it all these Chinese kids are out there learning how to engineer and build planes

What we're doing is we're yelling at each other in the comment section. Yeah, so with it when the warfare Evolves into straight Psy Ops and trolling trolling, we also have the advantage. You can't beat the red, white and blue. We got the corn-fed German kids, we got athletic blacks, we got fucking the losers of losers. And if you need somebody to jump on a fucking bunker buster and stop the explosion, we just take one of our circle people from outside the fucking Philadelphia, Pennsylvania area and just fucking hop right on a grenade and all you got to do is pay All you got to do is pay him in feast of bolts

That's all you and they'll do it cuz all you got to do is give them a free ticket to the Chinese buffet And they're in they're in now here. Let's let me see because I want to go back section by section Okay, so we got if you could go down a little bit. Jay bone is Okay, so we got the atomic age. Okay, so we got, if you could go down a little bit, Jay Bone, is, okay, so we got the atomic age. Okay, so now, gunpowder empires to industrial slaughter. This is a good one to talk about. If you could just scroll down a little bit.

Did you learn anything on that? No. Okay. So, here, I'll tell you. Well, yeah, we created gunpowder. We took it from the Chinese via the Silk Road, and then we turned it back on them. It's what it is. It's what we did.

Yeah, so if you could scroll down just to- You want your notes. Yeah, if you you could scroll down, Jess, to- You want your notes. Yeah, if you could put my notes. Sorry about that, Bubba. Yeah, so we're going from the nuclear age. Yeah, we're going backwards now. Now we're going to when gun,

I mean, we're going when Gats were invented. Yeah, well, once we got the gunpowder and the muskets, it was a different type of ball game. Yeah, it's what it is. If you go down, oh, you know what? Oh yeah, here we go. So we got, you go down a little bit because we're just going backwards here. So there you go, Gunpowder Rockets, the Song Dynasty, 900 years before Christ. It was invented by Chinese alchemists,

alchemists, so Chinese scientists experimenting with saltpeter. I don't know what saltpeter is, but it sounds like my name on Grindr. And they used it in fire arrows what they would call their fire arrows they would call the the nest of bees rocket launchers and gunpowder bombs and it revolutionized siege warfare and later inspired firearms. So as Yanni was saying 900 years before Christ the Chinese were making guns and they were calling them rocket launchers and they were calling them the nest of bees. Yeah and they would use them for fireworks and some people would get killed during that,

but they just didn't have the wherewithal to turn it into a gun. And the gunpowder traveled via the Silk Road, probably during the Mongolian Empire, right? What it is, and the Chinese have been able to sting you for a long time. They've been stinging you. They were really committed to those swords,

but then the white man got that gunpowder and figured out a way to fire it out and kill you with it. And kill you with it, and it's what it is. And a big part of warfare back in those times too was sieging. Siege was a big thing. Thank God we don't live in a time right now where we're going to get siege, because then when you get siege, basically what you do is you just starve to death. That's just what it is.

These siege towers, some of them were designed to move troops up to enemy walls. They had Trojan horse and all that stuff. But really what they would do is just surround your country and just cut off the supplies. Like Iran's trying to do right now with the Strait of Hormuz. Yeah. They're trying to cut off the supplies and it's not going to happen. And we are sitting here doing this podcast. We do them on Mondays, they come out Thursdays

and they've just bombed, Iran has just bombed US bases. And that just wasn't a good move. It's not a good move. I would say Iran, you shouldn't have done that. That was a boo boo. That was a boo boo because now the United States and Israel has all the excuse they need to just go full ham. It's just what it is.

Yeah. And I'm trying because I found something too about the Gatlin gun. Did you learn about the Gatlin gun? Ooh, I like the Gatlin gun. The Gatlin gun, I don't know what the hell, my notes are all messed up. Yeah. They're all over the place. The Gatlin gun was also a revolutionary thing.

It was basically like a precursor to the machine gun. Yeah. And it was mainly used in the US Civil War. If you want to talk about death and destruction, the US Civil War, the Gatlin gun invented in 1861 by Dr. Richard Gatling. And this had multiple rotating barrels, six to 10. And it basically was operated by a hand crank. And this actually blew people apart. This was like the first time where like you would get like your body would be like unrecognizable because back before that you know you get shot with the little you know bayonet you get stabbed with the bayonet shot with a musket ball I mean maybe get a cannonball to that you get decapitated but it was rare. Gatlin gun was like entire squadrons of guys were just swiss cheese. Yeah that's when you were able to really fire more than one. That change-

200 rounds per minute, Bob. Yes. And you know, that change in another time was similar to the change of the longbow. The English longbow was able to- Yeah. You were able to fire off like multiple arrows per second. Yeah. So once the English got that cooking, they were able to really change the game.

Basically, when you look at history, you go, how was this people able to conquer those people? It's always because they figured something else out that the other side hadn't figured out yet. Yes, and a lot of this too has to do like the different, because there was the longbow that was invented in Europe that was used, but then we also had the long bow that was invented in Asia, because that's the thing. We learn a lot about, you know, Euro-American history through the UK's eyes and all that, but

like Asia, the Chinese and Japan, mainly the Japanese, they invented the long bow called the yummy bow. And that was seven feet, and it was asymmetrical because it was designed to be used on horseback, the lower limb being shorter. And what they would do, because here's the thing with the Asian population is absolutely European settlers are bad, are really bad. But the Asians were able to just find just a little bit more because what they would do is they would shoot you with the bow, ouch. But the fun part about that, it was also poisoned.

So they would dip it in poison or they would put barbed wire around it. And so that would just, so it was not so yummy. No, that's not yummy. It was not yummy. That's ironic. They were the first war hipsters. Oh yeah, 100%.

They were like, they called it yummy, but it was the opposite of yummy. And the samurai were able, even though they would be sometimes invaded by European settler, European armies with guns, they would be able to almost always beat them back with the yummy bow and their types of sword, the katana. The katana was just one of the sharpest blades, curved, single-edged, two to three feet long, and

it had folded steel. So it would just slice your head and arms clean off. The good news about being a Japanese samurai is if you kind of felt like you were a woman in a man's body, it was just one katana and then you don't have a piece anymore. I like how that goes. It was easy to go trans back then. Cause they did, and they were precision bubbers.

I mean, they would look at, you know, weapons like the, the guillotine, torture techniques like the guillotine and how it would have to sometimes three, four slices. I mean, they could just take, if you just took a Japanese guy out there, they would just cut your head clean off, baby. Yeah. With that katana. Yeah.

Oh, man, when you think about how things have really evolved, you know, it starts, I guess probably the first homo sapiens probably got rid of the neanderthals because they had spears, right? So they were able to grow them at bison, because you know the human needs a lot of protein, our brain needs a lot of protein. So we got rid of the Neanderthals. Our first weapon was the spear. Spear. We made a wood spear.

Well no, our first weapon was from the Ottawa culture 2.6 million years ago. It was stone tools and clubs. So that was homo habilis. Oh, okay. Homo habilis. So that was like I I think, three iterations before what we are. I mean, if you look at the, have you ever looked at the evolution of humans? Yeah. I mean, it does make you feel, though,

like a modern day gorilla was just one of those humanoids back then. Like, well, we share the ancestor. And they went that way. We went, one guy goes one way, one guy goes the other way. It's basically the Goodfellas painting in the movie Goodfellas. This dog goes that way, one guy goes the other way. It's basically the Goodfellas painting in the movie Goodfellas. This dog goes that way, this dog goes the other way.

What do you want? This guy's going, what do you want from me? But I'm saying though, a gorilla, a modern day gorilla as we see it, that had to be a type of homo something that we just call gorilla now. Yeah, it happened. We shared an ancestor with the chimps.

All of us shared some ancestors and we split in different ways. So that, so the Ottawa culture, which was just homo habilis, which if you look, let's be honest, the chimps and the girls were lazy. It's just what it is. They were lazy because we wanted to figure things out. So we just started figuring things out and then our thumb just started going like, yeah. I bet you what happened is we wanted to jerk off.

Seriously. And when the thumb went like that, we got a better grip. And that's probably why we became homo sapiens, because we just wanted a better jerk. We just wanted to beat the meat, the meat need to get disciplined a little bit better and we found out the opposable thumb. So the stone tools they remain initially for butchering animals and self-defense because self-defense you say against who and the answer is is you got to think about it like we obviously are top primal apex predator now, apex predator now 100%, but back then being a human, being a homo habilis and even the early iterations of homo sapiens, you were just another animal on the land. You were just another piece of meat on the Serengeti.

Yeah. So you'd get eaten by lions and jaguars and everything else. So you have to defend yourself. And the way that we were able to be able to, you know, win this race is because we were the only ones that could throw. Yeah. We could just throw things, and we could kill something from far away. Yeah.

And that's what the spear did. That's when we got the spear, we were able to kill things at greater distance. Right. Which is interesting, because warfare got close, then far, then close. But the greater distance you have, the greater advantage you had.

Right. And that's what the spear gave you, is you could throw it. So that was 2.6 million years ago, the hand axes, the choppers, the clubs. But then 1.7 million years ago, it was called the Achulian tools. And these were sharper and more symmetrical. And these were Homo erectus.

So this is Homo erectus is coming out. This is like getting close to the top. Guys, we're coming out with fucking blue chew hard-ons. 100% because I want to see your Homo erectus. Go to bluechew.com slash history history anus so and these had better grip but they also were hand-to-hand conflict a little bit so this is homo erectus would fight each other but is as Yanni was saying the spear is the main thing and that was four hundred thousand or three hundred thousand years ago so think about that

baby gorgeous two million plus years we were just think about how long that is two million plus years we were just an animal on the plane. That's a long time honey bubbles. That's a long long time Lieutenant Lollipop. That's a long time Sergeant Snuggles. What it is. So and then the weapons there then we had the wooden spears with the tips that were hardened in the fire okay and these were found of course at Schronzenden Germany. So Germany is the ones who figured out to put the spear in the fire, is what they did. And this was used by a Homo sapien called Homo Heidelbergens. So there was a German type of, there was a German interagent, this guy's name

was Homo handebergens. And this was the first long-range hunting tool. And then you had the spear thrower. And that's just the name. That's non-slur. And so that's 20,000 or 30,000 years ago. Spear thrower is actually the polite way to say it. Yeah. And then these were used by the earliest Homo sapiens. The earliest Homo sapiens. And this was to throw spears with greater speed

and distance. And this could throw them up to 100 meters. And this was really. so think about that. I've told you, we were around for 2.6 million years. Only 20,000 years ago do scientists really feel we got the real advantage and became the apex predator. Right, right. So that's comforting at times to know

because you realize, oh, you're just a blip in all this. Don't get so worried about everything. I mean, even the United States, oh, are we losing our superpower? It's like, maybe we are, but if we are, it's just what it is, baby gorgeous. Things happen. You're never number one forever, hon. Yeah, you're never number one forever and don't worry about it. If anything, our empire will just recede back between the Atlantic and Pacific. Not a big deal. It's actually better, you know what? Does anybody care about, you know, having a terrorist attack on freaking Spain?

I know they blew up the train, but that was just a one-off. Yeah. But nobody really cares. And they used to be the kings of it all. Yeah. Everyone's had their turn at the top. Yeah. But it's hard to stay on the mountaintop. You go up, what goes up must come down. And before we continue this, we're going to bring you another word from one of our beloved, we don't know which one it is, sponsor. It's what it is.

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Yeah, I mean it's cost effective and delicious. Okay, and we are at the 10 minute mark so you know what that means, but I will continue the show because make no mistake, I do not stop. So 10,000 years ago, we invented the sling. So that was a leather strap and stone, which the gay community is still using to this day for other reasons. And so what this was used by was shepherds

and early armies and the slingshot, and make no mistake, I've used a slingshot before. When I was 17 years old, me and my friends would go around, one of, it was only one of our friends who had a car, and we would take a slingshot and go to the 99 cent store and get a bucket of marbles. And one of my friends became go around, one of, it was only one of our friends who had a car, and we would take a slingshot and go to the 99 cent store and get a bucket of marbles, and one of my friends became really good, like David and Goliath level, good with the slingshot, and we would drive around Francis Lewis Boulevard and we would wait until the middle of the night and we would take the slingshot and we would slingshot marbles into bus terminal

windows and break all the windows. That is a crime. And we got written up in the Ridgewood Gazette as, I forgot whatever word they call this, but they said hooligans basically are going around breaking all the bus terminal windows and if you find out you're going to get arrested. And they never found out. Right, the cops just went and arrested a couple of black kids instead. It's what it is. That's just what they do. Unfortunately, I'm not saying it's right, but unfortunately it's not good. So we have, you know, 10,000 years ago, this sling with these biblical and ancient armies that you've read about in the Bible.

Three thousand years, we have the Bronze Age where you have bronze swords, axes, all that stuff. And that's when mass combat, once mass combat starts to happen, like you're really humans are fighting, homo sapiens are fighting other homo sapiens, then it really starts to get fricking cute, and it starts to get real gnarly, and then you start to develop all types, the thing is, is what we basically are as a homo sapien, even if you're the nicest homo sapien that's ever lived,

you are a killing machine. You just kill 99% of things you come in contact with, and then you'll just kill other people eventually. Yeah, animals use strength, they were built through evolution or whatever you believe to be able to kill with their body. We use our brain. We use our brain and we come up with weapons. And that's when it starts to get interesting, right? And also we use our brain for formation. So you've got the Greeks using the phalanx, and then you had the Romans using legions. That's when people started fighting together. You started having 5,000 troops in a legion fighting as a unit, and then they got some weapons. We had the Bronze Age,

and then you had swords. You just had a sundown moment. You just had a dribble. Yeah, I had a dribble. You had swords and then you had the weapon that really made the Romans what they were and it was a spear. It was called the what? The P? What was it called? The pedum? I don't know. It was called the... That one I didn't see. Yeah, it was called the... Well, they would also just crucify you and crucifying make no mistake It's not a good way to die. Yeah, you just die slowly over time and you can't breathe Yeah, it was this is a very the pillum the pillum. Yes, about six and a half feet tall

Yeah The pillum was a throwing spear each troop carried two of them and they were very interesting because it was like a javelin Right. It was like a thin thin fucking pole that was flimsy, but if you threw it it could go through the barbarians Shields. Yeah, but then the barbarians couldn't pull them out and use them because like all the weight from the wood Foundation of it was so heavy that it would like it would It would and it was flexible, so it would just kind of break off.

It wouldn't break off, but it would bend down to the ground, so it would make your shield unusable, and it would make, and you couldn't pull it out from the shield. Right. So it was, because a lot of times they'd reuse the weapons that they found in the battlefield, so the Romans would use it, and it wasn't reusable by the enemy, but then after they won the battle, what they'd do is they'd come and they'd pull them out of the shields, take them back to the blacksmiths, the Roman blacksmiths and they remold them and they'd use them again use them again and the thing is When you look at the world like everybody kind of gets weapons at roughly the same time and they're similar like in the Islamic world

From around 700 AD to 1500 AD they're also using swords But theirs are curved and they're called the Schmidt are and it's a curved saber optimized for slashing from horseback. So it's very similar to what the Chinese had, very similar to what the Mongols had. It's just a little different variation. So it does make you think like, you know, were we more connected back then than we think? Because I feel like a lot of times you'll watch these shows like Ancient Aliens and blah, blah, blah. And they'll say, how could someone on the other side of the world be doing the same thing and it's like because maybe they could maybe we got to give them more credit and because they weren't so distracted by the internet and their phones that they were able to just

do more than we think they could do because the kids were just out there just being like I have nothing else to do so might as well get in a boat and find the Polynesian islands. That's what I did right. They were just bored. They were just bored. They were just looking for a little excitement something to do. There's no TV around right bored. They were just they were just looking for a little excitement something to do There's no TV around nothing or your podcast and let's be honest. We haven't our brains haven't evolved that much You're looking you're looking for either for a fight or some new puts. That's all that. That's what the male brain is really

Engineered it's designed. It's designed to fight or find puss. Yeah, that's about it. So the Romans conquer They got this interesting type of javelin spear that gives them the advantage on the battlefield. And then that gets usurped by feudal cavalry and the bow and arrow. Oh, the horse, baby. You got to understand the horse as a weapon is once you get on a horse, I mean, I've ever been by a horse, they're like scary to even stand next to. I've rid them. I've been on top of them. You, really?

Yeah, and I've sucked a few off. That's what it is. Yeah. So, but these horses, these horses are, I never realized, like I never appreciated them until I stood next to one of these guys and I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. They are really powerful strong animals. So I can imagine being like a guy who even is, if I'm good with like a weapon, if a horse is coming at me, 100 miles or whatever, 15 miles an hour, and that guy's a weapon, I mean, you're done. You're absolutely done. And that's how Attila the Hun, that's how Genghis Khan, they were

able to do it. They were able to come on you on horseback and then shoot bow and arrows at you. And so once you got the bow and arrows, you were able to fire from distance. You were able to, you know, they weren't so much about precision. It was just, especially that long bow, you were able to fire a bunch up. And so any, any, any opposing army that was coming at you, it was just like, Hey, if we fire a bunch up, they're going to land on a bunch of dudes. Yeah. And then tanks, once tanks start to come in, like Jesse, you could just give the evolution of tanks, because I mean, what always was so interesting to me is like in world war two, when the Nazis were blitzkrieging

Poland and coming in with their Panzer tanks and there's you know effective killing machines the Polish army met them on horseback Yeah, that's just what it was. Yeah, you just got met and you just gave you speed you were able to cover long distances Right you were able to fire arrows and you were able to shoot from far away So here's interesting tanks I thought were invented way before, but they were only invented in World War I. And it was because a vehicle needed to cross trenches and resist machine gun fire and crush barbed wire. So tanks are not that old.

They're like barely a hundred years old and they had different prototypes. The first one was called Little Willie and that was clunky, underpowered. It would get destroyed now. And then as the, really who revolutionized the tanks was the Germans. The Panzer tank, they were able to just destroy, they were really able to just destroy all the US tanks in World War II.

Can we pull up the World War II German tanks? Yeah, once we got industrialized, the Germans really, their engineering really took over, their German brains, they were able to get those planes in the air with the Luftwaffe, and they were able to get those Panzer tanks. Panzer I, which was, that was the light tank, and if you ever, a great movie, if you haven't seen it, is that movie Fury, about tank warfare. That movie is fantastic. It shows you, I mean, they had three iterations. They had the Panzer I, the Panzer II, the Panzer III, and they all got a little bit better and they were just able to just destroy every other tanks.

Besides, at the end, they actually began to get outgunned by Soviet tanks. But what's interesting about all this stuff is, you know, I did some digging. And what we talked about in the beginning of the show, oh, and the tiger tank was also amazing Nazi tank and that was in fury big time. But but US tanks always come out, we always win it. But I learned that if I who do you think here's here's a pop quiz, who do you think, who's got the number one biggest air force in the world?

Number one air force? That you can see or that you can't see? So you want to eliminate China then? That's right. Because they could go invisible, right. So who, so the number one that you can't see. United States by far. By far, right.

Now who's got the second biggest Air Force in the world? I'm going to go France? No. Who? You know who's got the second biggest Air Force in the world? The United States Navy. Whoa. So we have the first and second biggest Air Forces in the world, and if you combine our

Air Forces, we're bigger than every other country's Air Force combined. The truth is, is that we just cannot be, it's not even close. Our weaponry is just so far advanced than any other countries, it's actually like laughable, how much more, because we invest 50% of our money into the military, but the thing is like, you go through all this weaponry and then you realize it, but that's not what, the weapons don't matter as much today

as they did back then. If we were fighting in World War II and we had these weapons, it'd be game over. Right. But they have, you know, like you said, I mean, even terrorism, terrorism is a weapon that we're just never gonna do. Right.

We were not gonna ever be terrorists, but they sleeper cells. We're gonna fund some of them. That's what we do. That's what we do. Right, but we don't. I'm not just making an Israel joke. I mean, we funded, you know, Iran, Contra, we funded some different...

I mean, you ever seen Rambo? In the movie Rambo, the very first one, we're thanking Al Qaeda at the beginning of it, because that's whose side we were on in the 70s. Yeah, yeah. It's real messy out there. War makes for strange bedfellows. Yeah, it's just... Sometimes you gotta sleep with the enemy.

And don't worry about it, and remember what we said in the beginning of the show, your perception of reality is what's important. So don't get bogged down. Our advice to you here at the Historianist Podcast is don't watch the news all day because a lot of it too is bought and paid for. So a lot of it may not even be real, the stuff that they're reporting. We really don't know. The only thing you need to do is listen to the podcast and get out your yases and masturbate as much as you can. Yeah and it's interesting to think, right? So you start in ancient times, you go to medieval,

early modern, industrial modern, nuclear Cold War era. Now we're in the 21st century, like we said, where it's cyber and asymmetrical warfare. What's gonna come next? It's gonna be AI, what is it gonna be? Drones, AI, who knows? But the interesting thing about nukes is that they do keep peace between superpowers in a lot of ways.

Because if you made everybody, if Iran said, hey, we'll get rid of the nukes if every other country doesn't fall, if we said yes, we'd be in a World War III for real ground battle in a week. Yeah, I mean, we would just start going back to fighting each other on the ground again. Yeah, which you don't want that either. Yeah, so it's just, it's very again. Yeah, which you don't want that either Yeah, so it's just it's it's very ironic

But you also just don't want countries attacking US bases because here's the thing if one even one American soldier gets killed then it's all-out war. I don't want that Well, the Iranians have killed American soldiers. They you know over the past They have they've attacked bases. They do it through proxies. That's what makes them so sneaky. They do it through proxies. Like the Houthis and stuff. Yeah, so they never go, we didn't do it.

And then what we did is obviously we traced who's funding that. But this is actually the Iranian military doing it now. Probably, or they may be doing it through proxies again. So who knows? But that's what they do. And yeah, now we're in this war, type of war that's fought with computers. Everything's fought with computers now. It's just what it is. And it's interesting how every time a technology advances, it usurps a previous one. You know,

the medieval times, they had knights and castles And warfare was close. And then once you came out with the crossbow and gunpowder, the walls didn't matter anymore. And then once you came up with the planes and the tanks and stuff like that, horses didn't matter anymore. Right. Formations didn't matter anymore. It became a bombs arms race. And now it's just basically people are just

lobbing shit at each other. It's just what it is. That's what my dad told me was in the Korean War. He was like, modern warfare is like, it should, you would think that technology has gotten so advanced that it's just like, we're not gonna do this anymore. Cause it's not even a war anymore. We're just lobbing projectiles.

So your father fought in Korea War and probably never even saw a Korean soldier. Yeah, what they would do is he would call in the artillery. His job as a liaison lieutenant for his battalion was to call in the artillery. And so he guessed where the Chinese were. And then the next thing you know, they would just drop bombs on them and then they'd go and they'd just look at the carnage. That's just all it was.

They'd search the bodies and look for maps. Yeah. That's all they did. That's just what it is. That's just what it is. So you can imagine from the Korean War where that is now. Yeah. I mean, we're in perpetual war in the Middle East, but rarely do you hear about American troops getting killed because we just lamed bombs.

Yeah, that's all it is. That's all it is. That's what Israel just did to Gaza, you know, because Hamas is going like, come out, come out, come fight in the streets. Come fight us in the streets. And they're just like, we're just gonna bomb you. We're just gonna bomb you. And it's just unfortunate. It's what it is. Nothing you could do. Maybe we'll go back to the Stone Age. And then maybe we'll just go all the way back to being homo

habilis. Yeah, maybe that's inevitable. And what did Einstein say? He says, I don't know what tools World War III is going to be fought with, but I can tell you what World War IV is going to be taught with. Sticks and stones. Yeah, that's what he said.

Because World War III just will end everything. Everything, yeah. So just get on the beam. And on the beam and get on the Patreon. That's where we have the most fun. And these are the newest members of the Patreon who are here. We read them out at the end of every episode. That is one of the benefits and perks you get for going to patreon.com slash history. And is, is you will have your name read out the first time you join.

And if you make a funny name, you have a chance to win the PPW Pseudo Opinions of the Week. Now let's have some fun. Let's do it. Austin Virio, welcome to the show. Then we got Freaky Deeky's Leaky Peen Creaming Sissy Chrissy's Jeans. Okay? Guy came on your pants. It's what it is.

Then we got Edward, then we got 60s Englander Invited Govinda for Chicken Finger and Amp the Cunt Still Here. I don't know what it is. That's what you call verbose. Verbose. But the cunt still here, I like it. Yeah, I like the Cunt Still Here. I don't know what it is. That's what you call verbose. Verbose, but the cunt still here, I like it. Yeah, I like the cunt still here. Mitch, Isiah Ordaz, Ross Mueller, Antoine, here for the content.

Incel Media, One Word, Two L's. So that's the LLC, something like that maybe. Screw it in. Papa John's, and they spelled it X-I-A-N. Papa John. Papa John. It's funny.. Screwed in. Yeah. Yeah. Papa John's, and they spelled it X-I-A-N. Papa John. Papa John. It's funny.

It's pretty funny. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Christian Underkulfer, Josh, playing Fris... Park? Okay. Way some shit.

Yeah, walked into one, can't do that. Cullen, Elena Markova, Chris Casagandri, Shut It Down, Amni Larak, Joe Magdaleno, Levi Hoskins, Josh Bauch, Fish Fry and Old Fashioned Monkey. Fish Fry and Old Fashioned Monkey. I don't know what that means. I don't know what it means, but it sounds like a walked into one. Yeah, whatever it is, whatever it is,

we don't condone it here. Filthy Half-Based, okay that is a walk into one. That's a walk, but as clear as it can be. Um, Joey B's prostate. We've had that. Yep. Cody Herring, Rami A on the beam for Lada 14, Namin Trump, 2028. Okay.

Paid a two to put on my glute flute. Okay. Drexler for the rhyme scheme and the concept. NA Nash Pinow. Fuck the tortellini frisbee. Now I have a one-year-old Pinocchio. Put them on the list. On the list. N.A. Nash Pinow. Fucked the tortellini frisbee. Now I have a one year old Pinocchio. Put him on the list. On the list. Yeah. There you go. Tortellini frisbee is a good one. Yeah. Very good.

Alex Soto. Alex. Zach Brechers. Frisbee Hunter. Wei Song Xian. God. Anthony Rasta. Frisbee Golf with good... Jesus. Yeah guys. Here's the thing. God Anthony Rasta frisbee golf with good Jesus okay. Yeah guys. Here's the thing the walked-in ones are good, but we can't be it can't be just breeding Hey, yeah that we have to stop it at this point. They just they're what they're doing is they're finding it funny

Yeah, here we go Hi also walk in one can't have that You can't have that. Tarif got honor roll but still can't read cursive. I mean now, this is just a walk into one list. Yeah, this is what I'm saying, you can't do it. Tuckman True Blue, a Chicago twink gave me SIF and a Speakeasy, now I can't Speakeasy, call me Al Cofume.

Ooh, I really like that. Al Cofume. It's one really like that. Al Cofume. It's one of those ones that's long, that had a payoff. Yeah. So you know what? Pull out the catapult and put them, put them on the list. Put them on the list, there you go. That one was evicted.

Yannis respects that. Yeah. Moulin Yannis. Okay, we had that. That's from the first strike. Yeah. Moulin Yanni. Moulin Yanni, remember Moulin Yanni?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, not good. Yeah. Jonathan Ikea. Ultimate Frisbee champ. Oh my God. Last one yeah, yeah. Not good. Yeah. Jonathan Ikea. Ultimate frisbee champ. Oh my God. Last one was a walked into one list. Yeah. Sedona Prince Makes My Toad Horny.

It's what it is. Muzzy Wuzzy Fuzzy Mozi Coney. Swimming Through a Latina Toot. SLOKS. Daniel Greathouse. Jackson. Dave Portnoy's 110 Country Challenge. Okay. Nicholas Sykes. Robert Armnoy's 110 country challenge. Okay.

110 country. Nicholas Sykes, Robert Armnott, Hong Kong and HPV, call me China virus. Okay. Carter Hione, Matthew Valls, Terry Bengtson, Laris Lentz, Nicholas Lentz, Stephen Perry, Nicholas Torres, Jessica, call me Bodega, call me Bodega cat the way I be hissing at FFs. Okay. Okay. Daniel Levener, upper deckie Blumpkin pie, John Follin, Daniel Nisball,

Richard Hartley Ritter Jr, Chappie Johnson, prone to prolapse, slipped your toes in my purple sock. Fasoleto, Kzak. I didn't even understand that one. Yeah. But it was still funny. I slipped your toes in my purple sock. Fasoleto, Kzak. I didn't even understand that one. Yeah. But it was still funny. Ultimate frisbee against Sandra Deedee's. Okay.

It's just a square off. Square off. Just describing it. Yep. Um, Vincent Roselli, R Kelly's fire department, bladder 14. Put them on the list. Put them on the list.

Put them on the list. You like to pee on women. Put them on the list. I dare I say contender. Yeah. RBG saw Big Mike's RHP and that's why she died. Yeah. Okay. Rock hard penis. Chicken Biryani, keep him away from Akash.

Jess. Aussie Kid caught Chlamydia from a koala. It's what it is cuz. Kid, a kid, yeah. He has sex with a koala bear. He gets a Drexler just because he's doing wild stuff. Anthony Fair, Kevin, Quiet Time, Paul Revere, Side Peace, Benedict Arnold's little brother Randy. Okay.

Okay. Ashley, Olly Rall, Skyline 247, Tiny Tim, Fingered My Ukulele, Pope Leo Stuck It in My Leaky Ass, It's what it is. Okay. Okay. Mark Chalmers, Chrissy Wissie's bussy reciprocal, Travis Richie, Hunter Biden's powdered milk mustache.

James Flynn, Nikki Toscano, Eddie Eilman, Johnny Green, it can't reach the bottom of a tuna can, but it's sure tight fit, Eslo KS. Nick Reichman, Clark, Joel, the cabbage patch. Ethan straight to the back. So my ass don't get cracked. Chloe DeMarco. My stink wrinkles are for the table.

Put them on the list. Okay. There we go. Figure that goes in the list. There it is. Calling your butthole stink wrinkles. It's funny. Yeah.

Stephanie Bonner, Bridget McGurvin, Chris applied for a loan only to hear back from Banco Popular. Okay. Tony Tersch, Johnny Credit, Rogan went on a DMT quest, now every week he's in Sunday Best. Right. Goes to church.

Goes to church. William Jewell, Jet Peru, Luigi Mangione was too late to save Terry Shivo. Okay. Terry Shivo, yeah. Oh yeah, because she- Yeah, healthcare system. Healthcare system, yeah.

That was an old school one. Gonzalo Galvez, John Berlacos, Hot Cup of Jehovah's Witness. Hot Cup of Jehovah's Witness. Hot Cup of Joe, Jehovah's Witness. Okay, he tried for the Hot Cup of Jehovah's Witness. Hot cup of Joe, Hova's Witness. Okay, he tried for the hot cup of Joe. Leroy in the streets, Frisbee in the sheets. Okay, you have sex through a hole?

What are you saying? Yeah. Kobe Dooley, Christie's favorite eunuch, not a squeak but goddess goth, just asked my piece and it said otherwise, it's what it is. Like it.

Derrick Doughty, Nick, Dan Marolda, Ian Fiedance's little Leroy Loverboy. Okay. Guess he has sex with a black man. Annie Ruiz, Luis Fernando, Martinez Leon, Gerard, Ruta Legano, Dee Dee, Chase Bixer, Aaron Pleffer, Trent Bensley, Chicken Finger with Honey Mustard. Uh, very nice.

Derek Ryan, Yannis's blue chew piece. Turn me to a UCF squeak. Erica Diaco, Oleg L, Cosby pills and gas. Edward R is M Craig, Puerto Rican chunk, let the put a Puerto Rica chunk, clatter, Oh, Puerto Rican chunk, clatter, Palt aimed at LA. Call it a chunkleda pulp. Okay.

Okay. He's a good try. Yeah. Netanyahu side piece. It's what it is. Cause Hayden Baker, Chrissy wish he took a pissy in my glizzy and gave me a kissy till I jizzy kind of fizzy. Phil Myas, Connor Doyle, Ben Lebowitz, Danny Santos, Saquon Barko Leroy, Rory Kackleroy, Jacob

Rale, work third shift cause make no mistake. I bang toots booty and the whole fist. Booty and the whole fist. Yeah. Put them on the list. Okay. Instead of Hootie and the blowfish. Yeah.

Booty and the whole fist is great. Yeah. That's great. Chicken figure, two chicken figure contenders Chrissy is so into media as Tim Dillon beat more over 24 Hogwarts shouldn't let women play quidditch because they have an easier time gripping the broom Okay, I don't get that that quidditch they ride around on on like witches on brooms What you're rolling on that Hogwarts should allow not let women play cuz they're better at brooms cuz they're clean shit

Oh, I think it's good. It's Eddie. It's yeah, so I give it a Drexler Drexler. Yeah Friar tucked Friar talked that's a good looking thing check a figure Paul Templeton MS Matt Kyron Mariachi monkey on the wall not to be List it. List. List it. Father Bill went to conversion therapy now he's here for the convert, convent, okay. Very funny. Yeah. Now he's going for the, he's going for the nuns. Nuns, yep. Drexler. Shohei Otani hit a big bommie because we nuked his grandmommy. It's a walked in one and we had something similar.

Similar, that's the thing. But it's very funny. It's a walked in one. KG, Bayridge Bussey Battalion, GluGun backed up so it comes from my starfish, Commander in Chief Donnie Beef, Yanni's punani is Chrissy's cum curds dick turds, Maxwell Max, Jordan Martz, Adam Pervez, Michael Radke, give us your tired your poor then launch them Listen listen, dude, we're a history podcast It's very funny you write about the Civil War they came and then we just put them into the right put them into the Civil War We're soon as they got here. I'm listed it. I'm putting that on the list. I like it All right, let's list it. I don't know when but I like it Leroy stole my bike to electric Boogaloo

Okay, Martin Morales George Keon, oh no, Nate George Kenyon. Yes Disney Okay, there's no see now you guys are just writing the n-word and you can't do that. Can't do that. Can't do that. That is not okay. Yeah. And also I'm just going to make an executive decision here. No more chigger. Yeah, no more chiggers. It's been done a million times. We're not going to say it. It makes everybody uncomfortable. Just don't say it. And I'll just read this name, but this is the last one. Disney presents a chigger named Leroy. So just, we're not doing that one anymore. That's what you can't, it's not, that is not right, it's not okay, and it's false. Yeah, yeah. But we can't do those ones anymore. We can't do them. True blue gay all day till Russia and China

sing God Bless the USA. Chase Christensen, Joseph Galati, Arnold Saldahana, Farouk Marekan, Liam Gee., John Spain, Bean Flicker 3000, Elon's five month long K-Hall Extravaganza. Chrissy, get him back on the beam and in the program. Yeah, that's where he needs to be. Five Foot Beast, just a couple more names. And then we're almost caught up here. Zach Askew, Suzanne, Dan Yelos, Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic

where yesterday's loss is today's sauce. La 14. I'm gonna I am gonna list it for this is Christ effectiveness of it. Yeah, yeah, it's not good though. It's not good, but I'm putting it on the list. Yeah. Dan James got a business plan. It's just what it is. James Morehart. Then we got jazz. Okay. Okay, can't disparage the family. Star of David Wars, Revenge of the Frisbees. Very funny. Honky Kong, half African kid who in 1864 would have been making beds and snitching on Leroy's. I would have liked it if it was just Honky Kong. Yeah, honky-conk. Son of a meter maid, dots over feathers.

Okay. Drag. Chicken fingers. I like that. Samurai is slang for gay Asian, it's what it is. Okay. John, pee-wee, pee-pee poo-poo, Tony Pierce, got diarrhea so bad, call me Gijon peeing out of my ass.

Drag slur. Drag slur. Wait, should that go on the list? No, no, no. That goes on the list. You want? Yes, all ass. Uh. Drexler. Drexler. Wait, should that go on the list? Nah. That goes on the list. You want? Yeah, it's an exacting decision.

Put them on the list. Yeah, you got it. We work for the Jews. Do it. You're on. That's it. Blonde kraut dating a frisbee. My future woke children hate me.

Uh, married a Eastern hemi. Married an Eastern hemi. No. Married an Eastern Hemi, no. Married an Eastern Hemi, no. Oh, married an Eastern Hemi, now we eat potatoes with chopsticks. Okay, okay.

Got clipped by Bram Stroker, now I only goof for Dracula's. BH, Chris N, crossing minority groups off my neighbor's inclusivity, crossing minority groups off of my neighbor's inclusivity yard to see if the mailman notices. Okay. Okay. That's a Drexler. Very funny. Clinton body count, Brian Laporte, Alex father builds hiding inside Christie's love sack Bryant. Old school fan there. Yes. N word Snowden, whistle blowing, gentrification, AKA Leroy's leaving the hood. Oh, yeah. Oh, N word. Oh, got it. Got it. N word Snowden would have been great.

Matthew Finucchio sharpening Yannis's poo to make Chrissy a true Jew. Launching ropes like Fumar Vxler. Yeah. Osama bin Kweefen. I supported my stepdaughter's dad. Now he has a real excuse to miss her birthday. Yeah. Drexler. Okay.

Newest muzzy in the neighborhood. So I got assigned to frisbee watch Drexler DWA Joseph Jok max half black, half Jew. Call me net and you who ultimate champion Lord man. And then last but not least, few me once shame on me. Few me twice. Shame on Chrissy long sack and the mono ocular Spartan. Yeah, that was a good few me once shame on me would have, would have probably got there. Okay. Those were like two names in one. So I'm going to direct so you just because both of those were good.

Listen, here's the thing. And this is just what the ebb and flow of the show is. It wasn't the strongest list. No catapults. No catapults, but sometimes that happens. Sometimes the Oklahoma City Thunder will win the championship. It's just a team people really don't care about,

but they win. Yeah. So this is just one of these lists. And what is unique about this is sometimes like when there's like a down year, this gives someone who would have never won a chance to win. Right. And we like that. So here are the names. Booty and the whole fist. I'm going to keep that as a contender. Keep it in. That's a contender. Contender. Mariachi monkey on the wall, not the beam. We've had a few. That's borderline. What do you guys think? Drexler or keep it?

Drexler. Drexler. Okay. Give us your tired, your poor, then launch them. I think that's real funny. I'm going to keep it. Okay. Yeah, for now. R. Kelly's fire department, bladder 14. You got to keep it. Keep it. Okay. Maybe I was wrong, maybe there are a couple catapults here. My stink wrinkles are for the table. We're gonna chicken finger that. But stink wrinkles is funny. Stink wrinkles is hilarious. Got diarrhea so bad, call me Gijon peeing out of my ass.

The laugh factor's strong, but it's a definition of a direct stir based on the ones we just read, unfortunately. Danilo's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic where yesterday's loss is today's sauce. We have to, I just wanted to honor it because your kid's got a business plan, but we have to, we're gonna walk into one that one. You can't, but it's funny. Yeah, it's very funny.

Okay, my stink wrinkle, okay, and then we got, fuck the tortellini frisbee. Now I have a one year old Pinocchio. Very funny, but we're going to Drexler. Okay. So it is between R Kelly's fire department, bladder 14, give us your tire, your poor, then launch them or booty on the whole fist. You see, I, we were, dude, you were wrong. We were wrong. We were wrong. These are good ones. Yeah, we were wrong. We were wrong. Sorry about that folks. These are really good ones. Yeah so what do you think? Booty in the hole fist, give us your tire your poor then launch them or R Kelly's fire department bladder 14. Jesse's laughing at the

launch one the hardest. Booty in the hole fish is the most inventive and then the third one. R Kelly's fire department bladder 14. Very funny. We're gonna to direct through that one. Bladder 14 is out. So now we've got two home runs right here. So give us retired, you're poor, then launch them, or booty in the hole fist. I mean, I would say booty in the hole fist only because we've had so many launch them and deportation ones that booty in the hole fist is very original.

Right. But also what happens is we find out a lot of times like we'll give a winner and then somebody will tell us oh that's a joke from another pod. So I don't know. Right. Booty and the Whole Fist. Hopefully it's not. I don't know. But we're gonna give you the winner. What do you think? What do you think Jesse? Booty and the Whole Fist. Congratulations. Yeah. Go to historyhyenasisback.com. See your name up in lines. You are the PPW. Thanks for listening. Let her cry.