History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Genghis Khan wasn’t as brutal as you think! | History Hyenas

Episode Date: May 22, 2025

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No Frills delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC Optimum Points on your first five orders. Shop now at NoFrills.ca. Guys, this episode is about Genghis Khan, aka Chingis Khan, and it is wild. A lot of things that you thought you knew about him, you really didn't, and we unveiled the secret history of Chingus Khan. Yeah, and everything we say in this episode is verifiable. There is a bug named Chiggers. Yes, there is, and he was called Chingus Khan,

and this episode is nuts, and I want you to go to chrisdcomedy.com if you'd like to come see me. I will be in Washington, D.C. at the Warner Theater May 29th, Durham, North Carolina May 30th at the Carolina Theater, and May 31st, Charleston, South Carolina, Charleston Music Hall. That is my tour down south. ChristyComedy.com for Tiki Wikis. Everybody in the

front row getting kissed on the lips. Yeah, the only thing on my tour schedule before I load up is Bozeman, Montana at the Emerson Center for the Arts, November 22nd. So that's a little while away, but the schedule will fill up. The special's coming out soon. We don't know where where so I got to be quiet about it and everything that is tackled out on this episode You're about to hear about Genghis Khan can be heard at patreon.com slash history hyenas where the real fun happens. Enjoy Chingus What's up everybody? My name is Giannis Papas. I'm sitting here with Johnny Neutron, otherwise known as Chris DiStefano. Today we're going to be talking about a very important Eastern hemi. If you look at your DNA, there's a good chance you got some of his DNA because the kid like to spread the seed a little guy. I like to call the with the nuke Genghis Khan Genghis Khan also known as Chinggis Khan is what he's known as in Mongolia Well, that is a way to achieve but that is also true. That's a truth bait of Ginsburg. He's Chinggis Khan Chinggis

He's Chingus-con-Chingus-the- Live 14 Just kidding! It's for the Patreon! Patreon.com slash History Ihenous to hear what Yannis just said It's Chrissy's joke! Our Patreon.com slash History Ihenous is where the community is, it's where the fun is, and it's where we can say things like Chingus the- Live 14 So this is a very interesting character. This is the story of East Meese

West and unfortunately that was done through bloodshed, through a little bit of graping. It's unfortunately, here's the thing as you've taken this journey with us, week after week, month after the month, we've been back for about six months now and delving back into history has been amazing fun. And what you realize is every part of history, unfortunately these guys would get their empires and then women would just get graped and I don't like it of course, but it's just something that needs to be said. It's just there's no way to make wine without little grapes. It's unfortunate. It's just something that needs to be said. It's just, there's no way to make wine without little grapes. It's unfortunate.

It's an unfortunate reality of history that that happens when guys take lands, you know, like when Genghis Khan had all of the Mongols. Can we call him Genghis Khan? We can call him Genghis Khan. Because that is actually, if you go to Mongolia, Mongolian people, they call him Ggis Khan. Yeah. Well, his best friend at some point was named Jameriquai. Yeah. So I was like, how did this black guy get in the story? Yeah, we're going to get it to him. We'll get it to him in a second. The story gets wild because the thing is with the Mongolians and Chinggis Khan is you think that they were barbarians. You think that they were these-

I don't know if I can do this the whole time when you call him Chinggis Khan. I mean, his name's Chinggis Khan. That's literally, I'm not, I know it's funny, but I'm actually saying historical accurate. Yeah, yeah. Genghis Khan. Okay. And so it's just what it is. Yeah. And so, so what happened is with, with, uh, with the Mongolians is you think that they

were barbarians and ruthless and whatever, but they actually are very similar to the Vikings. They had a very sophisticated society, very hierarchical society, and you know, it's just they, the Mongol, because the Mongolian land is interesting. They were all nomads. They didn't have actual palaces and structures. They were mobile. They were always moving. They were tribes. Yeah, tribes of nomads. There were nomads. They moved like animals with the land, with the season. Yes.

They were like that. And so the Chinese just, Chinese were living on the other side of a great big beautiful wall. And they considered them just barbarians. Because the Mongolians are the only people that we've discovered in history that move more than me. Yeah. Yeah.

That's very true. Yeah. Yeah. Who knows what kind of relationship these guys were in that they had to keep moving. They had to keep going. But these guys could just be seen many a day on horseback with garbage bags. Yeah. It's just what it is. Sleeping in their, sleeping in their horses. Yep. Yeah. That's just who they were. They were Christy Dean back then. They just had situations with the mother.

Yeah. It's just what it is Mongolians are as I like to call them 13th century Puerto Ricans. Yeah they moved around a lot. Now here's a fun fact about Genghis Khan aka Genghis Khan is he ruled more territory than eventually in his life than any other ruler in history. Yeah. So he ruled from I think it was something like the Pacific Osh, all the way through to Eastern China. He wound up ruling. He conquered more land in 25 years than the Romans did in 400 years.

Wild. Yeah, but part of me goes like, what was the opposition? Who is he fighting? Yeah. Okay, was this sort of like the Harlem Globetrotters versus the generals? Like, what was the opposition? But I think it was pretty fierce because he conquered his other tribes too, and they were all wild. They would raid the Chinese.

Yeah, constantly they would come and raid the Chinese. They would marauder the Chinese, and that's why the Chinese built a great big beautiful wall and started asking for papers. Yeah, and weren't given habeas corpus because they wanted the Mongols out. Out of there. They were stealing jobs. They were working on roofs. Yes. They were doing things. They were selling Chico sticks. Yep. They were down there in the train station

selling pineapples. Yeah. The Mongols were running around with LA Dodgers jerseys. Yeah. People with bow and arrow backwards on horseback. And they said, no more, no more, I can't say MS-13 in shapes because Chinese letters are just shapes.

They're just shapes. So whatever it is was an MS-13 in the day was maybe a little house with like a doggy bone and maybe a couple of clouds. It was tattooed on their fist. Doggy bone, cloud, Chinese sandals, and then an ox. Which equals MS-13 in the day. Yeah, it's just what it is.

And it needs to just be said, it needs to just be said that they all did look alike and it was very difficult for them to find out who was who, how were they fighting each other, how were they doing this or that, because they do and it's just a statement, even when watching the documentaries, all the actors kind of look alike.

That's why I was always confused any time a Chinese criminal, you know, died and you needed to find, get access to his phone. And they said, we can't get his phone. I said, just put that phone up. And you'll get right in. Does the, does the, does Apple technology know how to differentiate?

Maybe. Put it on Patreon. Yeah, that may be one of the big differences between saying something an apple. Yeah. Because Samsung was made by Eastern Hemis so maybe that's more they could tell the difference. So Samsung was like we can't use facial recognition technology it doesn't work for us. No but the note maybe they can tell the difference. Got it. I remember Ali Wong told me she went to Greece once she said she said I just saw a bunch of Yonases's. So to her, it all looked, all the Greeks looked like me.

And part of me wanted to go like, is it to the same extent though? Right. Because when you look at Greeks, some of us got bigger eyebrows, some of us got a little different hair, different noses. I mean Chinese, it's just the only thing. That's on the Patreon. So okay, so here's the thing. Here's the things about Genghis Khan.

First of all, they... I think we've established that he's Asian. He's Asian? In many ways, we've established that the kid was Asian. His name is Genghis Khan. His original name, though, was Temujin. Whoa. That was his original name.

He was Armenian? He was Armenian, because his original name was Temujin, and then then eventually I think it's around 1206 is a significant year I think that's when they give him the title of Cengiz Khan. A lot happens you know we'll get to that but the kid basically the kid basically you know he got betrothed to his would-be wife one day her name was Borte he got betrothed at nine years old. Now are you just doing what the elites do and using a word a fancy word betrothed? I mean, what does betrothed mean? I don't even know what betrothed cause you know betrothed means. What does it mean? Yeah, what it betrothed? So can't you just say he married her?

I could well he didn't marry her then because because a betrothed is like a future wedding Oh a betrothed is saying you're nine years old, she's ten years old, when you guys are of age. They're both of age. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's both of age, yeah. So we're going to take you two to Epstein's Island and you're going to bang out. So no, so eventually you will be married to her. And so they took him, they, because what it was, was back in those days, as a father would take his son, so Genghis Khan father, whose name was Yusugi,

Yasegwe or something like that, he would take his son around all the different steps. The different parts of Mongolian empire were called steps. Yeah, that's what I was about to say. This whole thing happened on the neutrals. Yeah, on the neutrals. Yeah, this part of history happened on the steps. On the neutrals, AKA the steps.

The place where Eileen Craxton broke. That's a tent. And decides family law. Yeah, it's of history happened on the steps. The neutrals. The place where Eileen Craxton broke. That's a tent. And decides family law. Yeah. It's what it is. So he would take him around to different villages and try to find a wife for him. Basically try to find someone that his son's going to bang out to keep the legacy going.

So he finds this woman, Borte, and her father, and it's very nice and they're happy. And what he does is what was customary back then is you would just leave the son, leave your nine-year-old son with this nine-year-old girl, and they're not gonna bang out, but they're just gonna get to know each other for a few months while this guy travels back to his village.

But when he was traveling back, he got stopped by a rival clan, and back in those days, a rival clan just wouldn't kill you. They would invite you in, feed you, and they would kind of just talk to you, try to pick your brain a little bit, and then let you go. But these scumbags poisoned and killed Yasuge. Well, do you know why that happened? Tell me. Well, because a previous time that he

went to that clan, the father, his father was a local chieftain, and he went to that clan and he was selling DVDs. It's what it is. And so what happened was they got one of the DVDs and it was supposed to be a DVD of Titanic and it was filmed and it was shaky. It was filmed in the theater and it was shaky and they were upset about that because they charged him full price for a locked off shop.

So they were a little pissed and they poisoned him with a little revenge for a bad DVD. And what it was was customer at the time because he was a chieftain, they allowed him to be buried with his stick and two garbage bags. That was the problem. Yeah they threw it on. Yeah and that was the most impressive thing about this was because the guys would ride on horseback but they would have bags of cans. Yeah to hear them coming. Yeah so that's what it is. They were able to carry cans like this with a stick on a horse.

That's a fucking tad. Yeah that's how the, it's just what it is. So yeah, this is interesting. Okay, so, and you got to think about, just let me set, you know, he's a kid right now, but Chinggis Khan is going to go on to become, he's kind of like to the Mongolian people, to the Mongolian people, he eventually becomes like a mix of Napoleon and Jesus. Like he's a spiritual religious figure, but he's also a warlord like Napoleon. So the kid is just going to go on to become, I mean, if you were a Mongolian at that time, you literally think that you're living in heaven. Right. Sort of like Muhammad was like that.

Exactly. Historically, the books say it. I'm not making a judgment. I'm just saying he was also a military leader and a conqueror. Yeah. So also, okay, so the kids, so the kid's father, Genghis Khan's father dies, right? So now it's just Genghis Khan, his brother, and then he's got a half brother. He's got two of those. Two step brothers.

Two step brothers and Genghis Khan's mother. Yeah. Okay. So Genghis Khan's mother, very, very tough lady. The society back then, Mongolian society, even though they would rape women all day, the women had, the mothers and wives had the ear of the chieftains and the leaders.

They would consult with them for advice. They weren't just like, cook my dinner, bitch. They were more like, tell me what to do. And this is eventually what led to the downfall of Mongols is they let the women talk too much. It's just what it is. So what happens is, the mother is taking them through the plain, through the steps. They are nomads. You have to understand, Chinggis Khan was an actual, he was like a king with his father, like in their little area. He was royalty and now the kid goes to just being poor.

He's a pauper, got nothing. They have no wealth, they have nothing to trade. So the mom has to take them on the steps, just with their tents out and then they have to hunt for their food, pick berries, all that stuff. Because their tribe just abandoned them. Completely abandoned them because now they have no dad and they're done. So throughout, so this is where Chinggis Khan really starts to become this kind of grizzled guy that's just strong and tough and can do anything because the kid's just protecting his mother. There's a little bit of Italian in him because he's just protecting his mother. At all times he loves his mother. So what happens is, is

one of these stepbrothers is kind of like just being a little bit of a dick. He's a little older and he's a little bit of just like pushing Chinggis Khan and his brother around a little bit, being kind of an asshole. They steal a fish, they have a fish. Chinggis Khan went and got a fish for his mother. And then this older stepbrother takes the fish. So what they do is he's sitting on a rock,

the stepbrother's sitting on a rock eating the fish. Now they're only 12 years old. And Chinggis Khan goes behind them with a bow and arrow, and the other brother goes in front of him with a bow and arrow, and they just tattoo this kid with two arrows from the front and the back, which is very cowardly from ongoing society, because you just put two arrows right in the back of the kid. And the mother flips out. She's so mad at Chinggis Khan. She's so upset because she's like, I can't believe, even though it's not her kid, she's like, you killed this kid. That's awful. That was your son's, that was your father's son. Cause back in those days,

they would just allow this kid was from Chinggis Khan's father, Yasuge. That was just his secondary wife. So he had a main wife who said Chinggis Khan. And then he just had a secondary wife, was allowed. We call that what? A gumale. Yeah. Or in Asia, they call it a gumale. Yeah. Gumale. A gumale. A gumale. It was a it a gumale. Yeah, a gumale. A gumale. A gumale. It was a gumale. So they will not have gumales and there's a little bit, there's a little bit, you know,

I'm getting married in here and there's a little bit of what I'd like to just introduce, a little bit of Mongolian society into the marriage. Yeah. What I'd like to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Also there was rumors that the kid was hoarding food and hiding it from the rest of the family. The stepmother was.

Yeah, so. So you're going to get two hours in the back for that. Yeah, you're going to get two hours in the back if you're not giving my mother her food, if you're mistreating Ma. And so that's what he did. He took that kid out. He took that kid out. Step-brother got, he got one in the back of the head. But the mother, her name was Hoelin.

Hoelin was the mother. She was a ho? She was Hoelin. Hoelin. Hoelin? Yeah. Wow. That was her name. So she said, so she said later on, she was like, because a lot of the, here's another interesting thing, a lot of the histories that we have of the Mongolians today, it was only discovered from

this secret history that was written by the Mongolians like 200 years later. So there's not actually, these people didn't really take notes. No, they didn't take notes. On their life. No, they kind of, they were riffers. They winged it like they do exactly. Yeah, they were chachi PT. They were chachi PT did they didn't really have notes So but what the mother said was though is that she said? That even though that was wrong. She knew there was something different about my little Chingus Yeah, she knew that little Chingus was was was really you know, cuz a lot of the Chinguses at that time You know have no souls, but he really had no soul. Yeah. He was also born with, like, supposedly, according to the secret history of the Mongols, he was born with, like, a blood clot on his hand

or whatever, and they thought that that was a good omen, that he was going to be somebody, he's going to grow up to be somebody. But thank God this kid didn't grow up in a black or Italian neighborhood, or else he would have been teased every day, because his mom's name was literally Ho-Lan. Ho-Lan. Ho-Lan. Yeah. So they would just be, where's your mom? Is the Ho coming to pick you up?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be tough to have your mom name Ho. Ho-Lan. Yeah, Ho-Lan. Yeah, that's tough. Hold on a minute. Yeah. Ho-Lan.

Ho-Lan. Yeah. So the kid kills his brother, and then- He was only 12, he got his first body. He got his first body, which is which is nice Those are nice numbers. That's like Chicago Gang. Yeah, it is good And also he let people know right there and then you don't fuck with chinca chinkas con don't mess with Chingus con Chingus con Don't mess with Chingus con. He's set the groundwork. Like I'm the guy. Yes

Yeah, so and then what happens is is he then you know, they go on they kill this kid. Maybe they you know, they go on, they kill this kid. Maybe they ate him. I honestly don't know. They kill the kid. They're still on the steps. They're looking for a place to settle. And Chinggis Khan is getting older. He's like 15, 16. They get raided by another, because Mongolian was just all warring clans. Today it's a unified Mongolia. Back then it wasn't. It was just all warring clans. It was just groups of different types of Chinggis's running around. around. So they go chingle berries. Yeah, exactly. So he then gets captured by one of them, by this fierce leader.

But again, they see something tenacious in him and they don't wanna kill this kid. Yeah, so he gets captured actually by the clan that left his mom. They hear about this kid, they hear that he's rising up, and they go and they're like, let's go capture him, so that he gets captured by them. He gets captured by the people

that eventually gave up on him, you're saying. Yeah, so the people, so that's his own people. Go and capture him, the ones that left his mom, because his dad died, and they capture him, and they put him in a fucking woodvise. It was called a kong, a C-O-N-G-U-E, it was called a Kong. They put him to humiliate him. This is what they would do to prisoners back then. They wouldn't kill you or beat you or make you a slave. They would just put you in this piece where your arms are out like this and you can't move the head. And then it kind of,

it just predates just cans at the end of that. I mean, they just got the pole like that. Maybe that's where they got the strength. And then if they just throw a bunch of cans in, the kids got about $20. So they have them in this contraption, and the elite are just making fun of them. They're just abusing them besides one guy. There's one guy's name is Sorcan Sheerah, and he's a guy who he just liked this kid, Genghis Khan.

He just was like, you know, I see something tenacious in this kid, even though he's one guy who he just liked this kid, Genghis Khan. He just was like, you know, I see something tenacious in this kid, even though he's one of the elites. He's one of the, you know, he's like, and he's supposed to be making fun of them and abusing them. He doesn't. He kind of helps him. He gives him soup. And he, you know, really is kind to him. And that's going to come back big later on because make no mistake, Genghis Khan is taking names. Yes. Okay. So if you cross him, he was going to kill you big.

He was big on loyalty. Big. Big on loyalty. And it's funny, the way that they would kill you back then, a lot of times, there was a lot of pride in it. They wouldn't, you know, if you get killed in battle with bow and arrow or sword, it's what it is. But if you were like the top chieftain or whatever and you were still alive.

Did you get boiled? Well, they would boil you, but only after they decapitated you. So that was nice of them. That was nice. They would cut the head off and then just put the body in there. Yeah, they just treated you like a chicken on a holiday. It's just nice of them. It's just what they did.

So Mongolian barbecue is very good. Yeah, it's very good. But what they would do is they would have you, they would take their best wrestler. Like Chinggis Khan could wrestle, his brother could wrestle. These kids were wrestlers and what they would do, they had a nice little move, they would get you in some kind of nice wrestling move

and they would break your back. That's how they would kill you. They knew how to snap the spine and they were big on lifting you up and snapping your spine over a rock or a knee. It's just what it is. These guys had farm boy strength. They were living out there in the wilderness.

This was a different type of strength. Yeah, they were different. They would, you know. And it's funny because they were all squeaks. Absolute squeaks. They were squeaks, but they were like little muscles. Yeah. And actually in war, if they found you, if you were still alive and they would measure your body up and if you were taller than the ax axle rod of like the cart that they had, they would kill you because they only wanted squeaks. They only wanted people who were shorter in stature or they only wanted you know

If you were smaller than that, you were probably a kid and they could raise you So if you were too tall from the other team, they would just kill you Yeah, because their whole society was based on horseback. They started teaching these kids had a ride horses from two years old So they basically wanted you to be the size of a jockey So these were just like strong little jockeys rolling up on you. They were little squeaks. They were getting invaded by squeaks. Little squeaks, little mosquitoes,

where you just like, get these fuckers off me. But, and what they were so, and you've probably read about this, they were so amazing at horseback riding and shooting arrows. They had the ability, because they were given horses at two years old, they had the ability to ride this horse as fast as it could,

30, 40 miles an hour, take their hands completely off the saddle and just hit you with arrows and turn their body all the way around. And as they're riding away, they would be shooting arrows back at the enemy. So there was no way for the enemy to hit them. They could only hit the enemy and it was nice. Yeah, it's real nice. It's real nice. They were masters of horseback, much like Tilo the Hun. Yeah. These guys were on horseback. they grew up on horseback, horse, that was just part of their lives.

They were able to move quick because of horseback. A lot of time their cavalry was light too. They did everything by tens, ten groups of ten, groups of hundred, groups of thousand, and they would sneak attack you cuz. They were sneaky, sneaky, sneaky, sneaky, sneaky, little deekies, and they were. And they were just absolutely the most fierce warriors of the day. And they had another thing that they liked to do was called the feigned

retreat. So what they would do with the feigned retreat is they would make believe, they were like, I'm so scared. Why you beat me? I saw it. And they're riding away and they want to draw out the nobleman. They want to draw out all the soldiers to come chase because you're thinking, oh, you see that Genghis Khan, you thought you could mess with us, we scared you away. And then as we're going away, they already had a predetermined spot that they would stop, turn around and then they had all other soldiers coming and they would basically put you in a death pit. Wow.

And they would kill you so they made you make, they made believe that they were running away when in fact it was all set up, because they're sneaky. Sneaky! Chingus was sneaky. Yeah, they would draw you out and then turn around and fire on you. Now, here's a big, big part of Chingus Khan and all that,

is he eventually... When did they release the Bats? Yeah! That? Raise your hands. they released the bats about 2019 so I want to talk to you guys you guys because a big part of Chinggis Khan's life is one of his best friends Jamukha who was a blood brother of his who gets they are basically best friends forever and then Jamukha turns on Chinggis Khan

he's a real piece of shit and he winds up being one of enemies, and we're gonna tell you about that right after the break. And that is exactly the moment in history where Chinese and Japanese people and Asian people fell in love with black culture. This relationship right here with his black friend. Yeah, Jemuchi. Right after the break. Chrissy, mental health is very, very important.

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and you're gonna get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply, that's money, that's cash out. I mean, the kid's just got a black name. Jamukha's got a black name. I mean, that's not an Asian name, Jamukha? Jamukha, yeah. Yeah, that's a black dude. Now, who Jamukha is is he is basically a friend

from another noble family, so he grew up kinda like Genghis Khan, but he didn't grow up as, Genghis Khan grew up nice. Well, first he grew up nice, and then he became just like a fuckin' peasant when his dad died. Yeah, well, Genghis Khan, but he didn't grow up as... Genghis Khan grew up nice. Well, first he grew up nice and then he became just like a fucking peasant when his dad died. Yeah, well Genghis Khan... Yeah, Genghis. But I'm saying he still was... There's still levels of the hierarchy and the rulers in Mongolian society. And Jamukha was...

Yes, he was considered elite, but he was low level elite. He was kind of like a bullshit elite. It's kind of like... You kind of have to make believe like it like a bullshit elite. It was kind of like, it's kind of like, you know, like you kind of have to make believe like it's a big deal and you actually care when you're like a European royalty now. Yeah, it's like, it doesn't matter. Prince of Norway or something.

Yeah, or it's like, you know, when people get the fuck out with the fucking comparison. Okay, maybe we should just edit that one out. Maybe just cackle that whole part. Leave it on the Patriot. Yeah, leave it on the Patriot. It's just a joke. We're just having a good out. Maybe just cackle that whole part. Leave it on the Patriot. It's just a joke. We're just having a good time.

That's what Schmidty said. Schmidty hates. The problem with Schmidty is he takes his rivalry with the Celtics and the Patriots too far. Too far. So he told us the... He said compared to the big thing in the city, but really he was just talking about the New York Knicks.

I mean, not in my eyes. I was just watching the documentary. It was an, it was, it's, it's an analogy for the Knicks versus Celtics. That's all it was. And I apologize to anyone who got. I didn't mean that, not in my eyes. You know, sometimes you just got to play pretend a lot of life and you And fucking kid Schmitty, I tell you, he's fucking wild. He's crazy.

Yeah, and I apologize. Schmitty, I do apologize, but maybe there's a better example out there, but I just couldn't really think of one. I don't know, what's something now like we gotta make believe we care about, but we really know? Yeah, yeah.

Like people with peanut allergies. It's like you don't have a peanut allergy. You're just a fucking narcissist. You're just a kid that you got to make everything about you You really don't have a peanut allergy you show me a kid with a peanut allergy I'll show you the parents being a fucking the most annoying people you ever meet in your life That's right. Nobody's got a peanut allergy comes from a normal family. Yeah, there's all some because you gotta do they don't exist And they know and they never tell you what the real reason why peanut allergies is Let me look I want to see that kids vaccine record. Yeah, you kind of vaccines it again

I'll tell you who doesn't have allergies is the Chinese kids these Mongolian kids. No peanut allergies. No vaccine Yeah, yeah, and you know what it is. You know what it is You know what the precursor is to have a peanut allergy, you know, you got to have number one What a heart you got a heart? You're gonna ask why and you gotta have a heart you gotta ask why and you gotta have a heart you gotta have a heart yeah yeah yeah we're just talking about these Mongolian kids and they would fucking attack you like chiggers no no I'm talking about the bugs there's a bug named chiggers oh is it yeah what are you

guys freaking out about you I don't know. You never heard of Chigas? They're an actual bug called Chigas. Oh, OK. They're in the Midwest. All right. Yeah, that name is there. OK.

OK, they're called Chigas. I didn't hear him. You never heard of Chigas? Jesse, you know Chigas. Yeah, it's just the name of a bug. Yeah. So all right, so. So yeah, so.

OK, yeah. That was great. That was shitty. That's very rude. Sorry about that. I don't remember which one's which. Yeah, it's a character piece. So, okay. So let's talk about John McQuarr. Yeah. Do you know about him? Um, John McQuarr, John McQuarr. So he's a fan. Yeah, he's a fan.

So they were good friends. They ended up sleeping. They started sleeping in the same room together. People started saying rumors. These kids were fucking banging again. It's just what it is. These things repeat themselves. Alexander the Great, Great Conqueror, Genghis Khan, Great Conqueror, what do they have in common? Fucking, they love corn holes. They love butt holes. They love guys.

They have male love in their life. Yummy yummy in my hubby. So what happened though is, Jamukhwa, he's a little cocky, a little arrogant. Chinggis Khan, so you know you think in history, because you know the way he was portrayed, the way he was portrayed in Night at the Museum, you think, which is where I get all my history information from his Night at the Museum with Ben Stiller, you think that he was a, you know, couldn't even speak, and he was a, you know, he was a Mongolian, acting like a Mongol. Yeah. But none of this was true.

He's very sophisticated, actually more intelligent than you thought against sophisticated society He was more humble. He was more respectful of the mongolian spirituality and all that where this kid jimuka Was very arrogant kind of like a rich kid who was giving everything and was just really annoying and started pissing people off But then what he started to do is he started to rise up in the ranks and even though they were bffs When you start to rise up you start ranks. And even though they were BFFs, when you start to rise up, you start to say, you know what? Maybe I should be the head. I should be the head of all this. And then him and Genghis Khan go from friends to rivals because the Jamukha kid, see Genghis Khan had respect when he would kill someone in battle. The Jamukha kid, no respect. He would boil people alive. He would

torture them. He would do all these things. He would kill the nobility So the guys who were fighting for John McQuarr kind of said, you know what? I don't like this I think I'm gonna go to Jenga's con side and here's one thing Chinggis Khan valued above anything else is loyalty loyalty loyalty so there was actually a story of Jamoukwa actually a story of Jamukha going on the run and you know he had to escape somewhere and he got turned in to Chinggis Khan by his own guys and they brought him to the to Chinggis Khan saying look we got your arrival here and Chinggis Khan turned around and killed the guys who brought Jamukha and left

Jamukha alive because he's like loyalty is number one and these guys ain't loyal. Yeah the thing about Genghis Khan is he was brilliant. He was pragmatic. He was brilliant. He was a master of psychological warfare. He constantly would make it seem that his numbers were bigger than they were with big fires, dummies, drums. But he did stuff like this, too, where you make people

respect you by doing that. You go, look, and you also make them scared scared going like, I am so big on loyalty, even though these guys thought they were doing a good thing by bringing this guy to me, I'm going to sassinate those guys for being disloyal to him. Yeah. Yeah. As a matter of fact, Chingus Khan is in a- Smart.

He's a small kid. He was in a battle, you know, a random battle. Chingus Khan only lost two battles his whole life. One of these ones, he- That's when I heard that, that was really, it was really nice for me because Alexander the Great is still the undefeated GOAT. Floyd Mayweather of Conquerors will give this guy what? He's probably who? Roy Jones Jr. lost twice, right?

So there you go. This is the Roy Jones Jr. of conquerors, but Alexander the Great, the great Greek, is still fucking the best boxer of all time. Yes, and it actually makes sense because Roy Jones Jr.'s son's name is Jamiqua. So there you have it. It makes sense. Roy Jones. So, but he basically, Genghis Khan, Genghis Khan had a very loved, beloved horse, and the horse gets shot out by an arrow in the middle of the battle.

Exactly, on the internet. Yes, yes, and that could be seen at patreon.com slash history hyenas. So yeah, so, by the way, we gotta go on a little tour of Europe next year. We gotta go on a hyena's tour of Europe. I wanna do a ffff- Bad! Bad! I wanna put Prance with you!

Yeah, because basically what happened, and we'll get right back into Mongolian history, but basically what happened is last week I bought Janis for his birthday, which is in five months. I bought him, I bought him, I bought us two tickets to go on a Dutch colonial walking tour of downtown New York, and then Janis told me at the last minute he couldn't make it, so I went with Jasmine. I went with Jasmine, and Jasmine asked a question question and the only question she asked of this very, very, very sophisticated Dutch colonial walking tour, which was awesome.

And we learned all about history. The only question Jasmine asked is she raised her hand and she said, I wanted to ask you, are these Dutch people, are they the ones that make Dutch masters? And then the guy said, I don't, not familiar with Dutch masters. She was like, oh, I used to use them when I was a kid. And she just used to roll her weed in Dutch masters. And that's the question. Yeah. We asked, but then she was great. And I took her to Paris, AKA Pret-a-Manger. Everyone was happy. Everyone was happy. She had a night in France and Dutch. She was a nice international day for her. She was like, and that's the country is Dutch. That's what they said. Yeah. I went to Dutchland.

I went to Dutchland. Yeah. So it was great. and we also, when we held hands and it's a beautiful thing. So beautiful thing. But so this guy, his name was, so the, the, he lines up all the generals of the, of the people that they just defeated. And Cengiz Khan says, which one, he basically, which one he pieces of shit shot out my horse. And most people would say, never cop to that. But this one guy Jeb, very bravely says, Jeb Bush says, it was me. It was me. I shot out the horse and just stared at Genghis Khan. And instead of killing him, Genghis Khan, again, valuing loyalty and respect, he says, you're a brave man. I'm going to kill every other general, but you're with me now. You're my general." And he just put him in charge of one of those 10,000 troops. He gave Jeb a whole section of it and he wound up becoming one of his best generals.

Yeah. One of the great things about Genghis Khan was he was very, very, very smart about the generals that he picked. When military historians look back, they say that was probably his strength. His biggest strength was choosing the right generals to fight for him. He was again like George Washington, who just knew when to retreat and knew when to fight on. He just knew when he was going to lose. And it's just very important.

And by the way, we're about 30 minutes into the episode. I just want to take a quick moment to remind you guys of, I want you to think of three things today. I want you to think of three things that will help you throughout your day today. First thing I want you to wake up every day. And I want you to say, to count your blessings. And I want you to think of three things that will help you throughout your day today. First thing, I want you to wake up every day and I want you to say, to count your blessings. And I want you to be grateful and I want you to walk through life with gratefulness.

The second thing I want you to do is I want you to proclaim your rarity. I want you to know and remember that you are rare. You are one of one. There will never be anyone like you and there's never been anyone like you. So proclaim your rarity. Three, what I want you to do is always make sure that you go the extra mile. Okay, do a little bit extra today and every day.

And these are the three rules I want you to live by. I am on the beam. (*laughs*) Every episode we gotta give you a beam cast. That was a quick beam cast. That was a quick beam cast. That was a beam cast interlude. It has nothing to do with the episode.

It's just we want you out there to be on the beam. Yes, and I also want to say that we confirmed because we were a little nervous, but Chinggis Khan, I am saying it correctly, and Chinggis Khan is historically accurate and we are not making any kind of jokes. We are on the line, but we are on the beam. We're on the line, on the beam also. Chiggers, Schmidty is right, is an actual insect. They're called Chiggers. Also, chiggers, shmitty is right, is an actual insect. They're called chiggers. What they do is they bite you, and so it is an apt metaphor to call the Mongolians an invasion of chiggers because...

Stay on the beat! They swarm, no, they swarm you and they bite you like that. They swarm you, they overwhelm you, the chigger's sneaky. Right. Yeah, they get on you yeah Jesse said that thankfully off yeah off the mic yeah and it's and it's what it is no Jesse they don't carry cans yeah no that's not that's wrong you don't find me you new port cigarette so yeah they don't even a styrofoam that's bad yeah

yeah okay but but that but I can't run around. They can't run in sandals. Yeah. So, Chinggis Khan, so my guy Chinggis Khan, 1206 is a big year. Big, big, big. Because what happens here in 1206, because Chinggis Khan now, I believe, is in his, what year was Chinggis Khan born? Can you just scroll up? I want to just make sure I have this right. I think it was like 11, 1162, Chinggis Khan. It was like the year of the dragon.

So Chinggis Khan is already 44 years old. Don't forget, here's another thing, much like Jesus, there's 10 years of Chinggis Khan's life that's just, it's not accounted for. Right. He was, so he's only written about from the Chinese. Right. So, so there's a, there's all these years where Chinggis Khan is just on the step, just prancing around. What was he doing, you think?

No, I mean, if I had to guess- He's playing Sudoku? If I had to guess... Was he playing Sudoku? If I had to guess, he was probably just bashing skulls, breaking backs and grape and... That's what he's probably doing in between a little game of Mahjong. Yeah, it's nice to know that Mongolian society and a lot of societies, you were just allowed to have secondary wives. You just were.

I mean, you just were living out there in the wilderness. These were the white walkers of the time for the Chinese. And the Chinese were like, these guys are wild. They keep raiding us. We gotta build, again, a great big beautiful wall to keep them out. That wall was to keep the Mongolians out. It was, yeah.

So Jesse, could you just do me a favor? Could you go on Chat-CBT and just put in 1206 Chinggis Khan because in 12, I wanna get some of these names right. Basically in 1206, basically it is decided that Chinggis Khan will unite all of Mongolia and just be the top Mongolian. Yeah, the Khan. I guess it was a Caesar for Mongolians. The Khan is a title. So, Chinggis Khan. It's almost like Caesar. This is a big thing because the kid born Temujin, whose father gets killed, who's poor, who has to go all through the steppes and the lands and doesn't know where the hell he's going to go and couldn't wound up becoming an alcoholic playing the OTB.

Instead, the kid is going to be the ruler of all Mongolia. One point, though, it was noted that the kid was kind of maybe addicted to alcohol. The kid liked to drink. Kid liked to booze a little bit. But you know what? If you're living life on the Mongolian steppe in 1206 you might need a little you might need a few move a few vegetables. Especially if you're sitting on the steppes that's what you do.

You move vegetables that's what happens. That's what I'm saying you're on the steps aka the neutrals you're moving a few veggies and Aniline is just there for you. Yeah and you actually speaking to your mom Ho Lun. Yeah very close to Lin. Lin Ho Lun and you're moving a couple veggies having a couple Sam Adams and discussing war plans. Yeah it's just what it is. Very close to Lin. Lin, ho lun. And you move in a couple of veggies, have a couple of Sam Adams, and discuss a war plan. Yeah, it's just what it is. And I lean. And I lean. So basically, Genghis Khan is going to become this.

There's an event called a kural tai, a kural tai, which is basically a kind of you get all the warlords, you get everybody from Mongolia together in this one place. And Genghis Khan, which that name translates into universal ruler and this event officially united Mongolia and transformed the region from a group of scattered tribes into a single powerful nation so 1206 is a big big year. The reason why Mongolia still exists today, the reason why you're gonna eat Mongolian chicken if you ever at a mall or you know somewhere in like downtown Los Angeles, it's because of

1206. Yeah when 1206 happened the Chinese said oh boy we're in trouble. Right. We're in trouble. Yeah. Fucking they unified those tribes. Yeah. You know they weren't that much of a threat because they were tribes, now they're one and boy they're about to storm that wall. Yes and this is where this Mongolian Empire is really born. The Genghis Khan, Genghis Khan, you've read about, you've learned about, you've seen at Ninth Museum with Ben Stiller. Is that this is, it all happens 1206 and this is where he gets wild.

Yeah, he gets wild and he's, one of the first things he does is he looks at that wall and he says, we're going over it. It goes over. And so what happens is they just, you know, they just pick one spot of the wall and they just go over it and the Chinese are like, what was the point of this wall? Yeah. I mean the wall did not work. It just doesn't work.

It didn't work. It's just a wall. Yeah. Now we're going to be right back after this quick break with Yannis' notes because I only watched the first three episodes of that Hulu documentary. I just copied and pasted from him. Because you know me, and the one thing that I love more, or as much as the United States of America, is a rock hard cock.

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it. And you know what I shave it with? What? Harry's. Cuzz Because because you're shaved right now. You got a Harry face right now. I actually love Harry's because Harry's takes your Harry face and it makes it nice and clean. Because and Harry's just a fun name. I like a guy named Harry. I love a guy named Harry.

You know what I like about Harry too? The prices are no joke. They got nice prices. Right now you get a $10 trial set for just five bucks at harrys.com slash history hyenas. That's an exclusive offer just for our listeners. Yes. I like that. And look, it's a quality product. It is a nice razor. You can, you can get the, you know, the reasonable raises. It's very nice. I've used Harry's personally. I like it. Do you know why the blades are so good? Why? Cause they're made in Germany. Well then you know. Then you know it's just top tier. It's top tier

engineering. That's how you know. They're in that factory, German factory. They're making those blades and assless chaps. Yeah, they're doing it good. So it's a quality product, German engineered blades, customizable delivery options for scheduled refills, as low as two bucks. Half what you pay for other big brands. That's why so many people love Harry's, because you got to keep refilling and they just send it to you for 50 bucks. They do it. Get the shaving products that always deliver Get Harry's. Normally their trial set is $10, but right now you can get it for just $5 at harrys.com slash history hyenas. That is our exclusive link, harrys.com slash history hyenas that is our exclusive link harrys.com slash history hyenas for

a five dollar trial set good deal yeah pull up the squeak of the week while yandere's getting his notes i just want to show you that we used to do a bit where we would have squeak of the week we would have my friend debo come on and uh and and just tell us who his squeak of the week is because he's a five foot three kid but we found a fun jesse actually found a fun squeak of the week and when we find him we're going to bring him back and here it is we're looking at him this is a tweet from Tara Bull and this is our squeak of the week and this man this is Jamoukwa look at this kid yeah this kid's just a squeak he's a Jack he's squeak look at that kid yeah that's basically what if he was on horseback

that's basically what the Mongols look like. This is what the Mongolians look like. They were small kids, jack kids, that would just hit you with a couple of bows and arrows. And it's just what it is. He'll bang out your wife. Yeah. So this is our Squeak of the Week. Thank you, Tower Bowl 808.

Yeah. All right, so now, because you know what it is too, because, is with the Mongolians, is, you know, a lot of times in history class, you know, we really only get taught like European history, but this Asian history is so fascinating. And these people did just as great things as the Europeans, it's just they're not as talked about because we don't really learn history

from the Asian mindset. We learn it from the European mindset, which is, it's not cute. Yeah, Ganga- Because the way that I've studied the Jew, you need to study the Asian and then we'll be unstoppable. Because they're very good at carpentimentalizing. If you literally, if you literally can study the Asian like I've studied the Jew, we will

be King Jigger. Yeah. Ways on Cheating. Genghis Khan had a few great quotes that he's known for. One of them was, if you're afraid, don't do it. If you're doing it, don't be afraid. So in other words, if you're afraid, don't do it. All right. You're afraid, don't do it. Right. And it's a warning sign. But if you're doing it, don't be afraid. Like it. Yeah. Just, you know, leave it to your choice.

It's basically, it goes the same way as Gary V said, there's no right decisions, there's no wrong decisions, there's just decisions. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Remember the three things to live by today. Wake up every day and be grateful, count your blessings, proclaim your rarity, there's only one copy of you, and then make sure that you're always going the extra mile. Yeah, and his name was Chinggis Khan, So you could call his soldiers, if you wanted to,

Chingers. You could. They're Chingers. Right. Right? So I wasn't that off by the Chiggerbug because his name was Chinggis Khan. So they were following him. The great thing about his rule, right, which was not long, right, because he gave his son some power. They were basically Uday and Kusay and they messed it up, right? Yes. But his grandson carried on his legacy for a little while. But the Mongolian empire was very short. But what they did do that was very-

Like Mongolians in general, which is very short. Basically. Yeah. So basically, they started by conquering the Jin dynasty in northern China. They used psychological warfare, siege tactics. They took city after city famously or infamously, depending on whose side you were on, massacring tens of

thousands. They were brutal. They introduced gun power siege weapons because they would hire Chinese engineers to help them. So they would evolve as they went. Right. Because all they were was guys on horseback with bows and arrows. Right. Made out of like animal bone, right? And then they started using Chinese weapons. The Chinese had gunpowder. Right.

And so just to fast forward a little bit, one of I guess you can't make omelets without breaking heads type of thinking is one of the great things that was a consequence of Genghis Khan's empire was that this is what bridged the East and the West via the famous Silk Road. Silk Road. Now Genghis Khan was notorious for being nice to merchants and big on trade. Okay. Right?

So he was big on trade, he was big on meritocracy, he would conquer the places, he let people keep their religions, he took people based on their skill and he put them in certain places based on their skill. If you were loyal to him, if you gave up without a fight, he spared everyone, right? But if you put up a resistance, he massacred. And he let a few survivors go just so they could spread fear. I kind of like his thinking though. Yeah, he was kind of a master of psychological warfare that way, but he always protected the Silk Road.

There was this expression that you could go from one end of the Silk Road to the other end of the Silk Road, carrying gold and nobody would rob you. Because he knew that if you mess with that, it's like why the cartel members in Mexico don't kill random American tourists because they're like, we need them to buy the Coke.

Right, right, exactly. Yeah. So it was just a very safe transit route. Got it. So he conquered, he climbs over the wall, he kills all the Chinese, he conquers them, then he goes to Central Asia, he conquers the... Asia. Yeah, the Asia.

He conquers the Swarmesian Empire. Because I want some shwarma. He kills them. He conquers all the way up to Russia, Eastern Europe. He kills them. They reached all the way to Poland, Hungary, nearly Vienna. I mean, this was huge. Biggest empire, more land than anyone. Anyone, dude. Like the size of the continent of Africa. They start crushing the Europeans.

Yeah, they get all the way to the Middle East. He didn't live to conquer Baghdad, but his successors did. His grandson, Hulaga Khan, destroyed the Abbasid Caliphate in 1258. So you know, the Christians were probably happy about that. Yeah. War makes for strange bedfellows. They were probably like, okay, you know. We don't mind that one. Yeah, you took out one of the guys we don't like. Yeah, don't touch Austria, but like you can do whatever you want with that. Yeah. Yeah.

So he, on one of his final seizures, he falls off his horse. The kid fell off his horse. Pulled a Christopher Reeves. Yeah, Christopher Reeves. Christopher Reeves did it when he was 62, and he fell off his horse, and I think he lived for a little while after that, but he was never the same. Yeah. He was never the same, and then he died and he was buried in a secret tomb because the Mongols had this tradition where they didn't want anyone to mess with the graves. Right. So they put you in a secret tomb, they'd put you in the

ground with a bunch of slaves, they'd mix everything up, animals, everything, then they'd cover it up and then the horses would stampede over it. So it just like covers it all up and makes it unmarkable. So we don't really know where his body is. And then supposedly the rumor is, is that everyone that attended the funeral was executed so nobody could talk about where he was buried. It's just what it is. Yeah, so that's just how they did things. The kids just didn't play games. They just didn't play games, that society didn't play games, so they basically, the Mongol Empire ended up stretching from Korea to Hungary, from Siberia to the Persian Gulf,

and historians call it a pax mongolica. So there was like some unified these places and there was like a little bit of a peace supposedly. Right. Like, you know, it's another, the most famous Pax is the Pax Romana, which was like under Roman law, everyone was chill, everything was cool.

There was a Pax Romana, but I think this was probably a little different. Right. It was a little different than the Pax Romana. Although the Romans were brutal too, I think I'd rather live under the Pax Romana than the Pax Mongolia, because if you stepped out of line, your head was getting cut off and you

were getting boiled like a chicken. Just what it is. That's just what happened. Who do you think wins in a fight? The best Mongolian warriors versus the best Greek Spartans. Who wins in a fight? Spartans really could hold it down. That's a tough one.

That's a good question. Because the Spartans will be able to kill you with a little bit of cum dripping out of tough one. That's a good question because the Spartans will be able to kill you with a little bit of cum dripping out of their butt. That's I Think that's what's a little bit right? I think that's what gave me second secret powers because when you inject a little protein There's protein the sperm in the butt. It's like a rocket that you often about yeah, they're fueled up Yeah, they were fueled up and charged up and ready to go and fully confirmed what it is You don't want to fight fully confirmed warriors in dresses because the Greeks used to fight

in dresses, which was another brilliant strategy because let me tell you something, you're an enemy, right? You're an enemy, right? Fighting the Spartans, you're Persia, right? You're King Darius. You're sitting there, your eunuchs are blowing you, whatever. You got your boy slaves, whatever. And then you just see 400 chicks

Coming over to hell because they're far away. So you're not threatened. You know, there's 400 boys and so the guys get ready They're like, yeah, we're going to a fucking prom or something. Yeah, you get close and all these dudes got fucking facial hair thick eyebrows Yeah, and then they start cutting off your peckers. Yeah, and fucking your women cuz it's what it is It was the biggest bait and switch in history. I like like who these who's these chicks addresses and it was dude. It was dude Yeah, they would just reel you in and it was nice and I like that we were doing really well getting everything history There's probably a history teacher right now that you said to turn this podcast off for his class immediately This means that come in the body check with this But that's the hyena part of the history. Because it was estimated that 40 million people died from Mongolian invasions.

That's why. That's more than COVID. That's like a day in Stalin's life. That's all that is. At its height, the Mongol empire covered 12 million square miles. And of course, everyone knows the kid fucked everything. So one of the things his people would always, whatever they conquered, they would just take all the hot women and bring them to Genghis Khan, and he would line them up and he would bang them all.

So that's, I mean, the kid did not need a blue chew. No, he needed no blue chew, his kid got hard. Got hard as a rock. Yeah, they didn't even have blue chew back then. This kid was fucking hard. And there is a famous 2003 study that found that 8% of men in Central Asia carry a Y chromosome tracing back to him My only thing is how can they trace it back to him if they don't even have his body? How do they know that I'm sure there's some way that they know that or they that these studies can just say that and then

How would we know the difference? We don't know I mean what we're basically saying is what we do know is that the kid did make a lot of wine. It's just what it is. He squashed a lot of grapes. Unfortunately, he did. He did. He was a big time, big time graper. Yeah, it's just what it is.

He was a connoisseur and it's just, and that- You could say the kid had his own vineyard. He had his own vineyard and it's just a part of antiquity that's just real, that just people would just do that. And by the way, the new term that we have that we're, Yana said, we're confirmed, it it's just if you are, we'll say it very simply, you know, we're not going to obviously use any slurs or anything like that, but if you are a man who had sex with men, you're confirmed.

Yes. You're just confirmed. And there are other things you can do to be confirmed, like Yannis went out with his family this weekend and he ordered a raspberry sorbet. Confirmed. Confirmed. Yeah. That's something, that's confirmed. You know what was funny about that is he texted me and I sent him a picture of where I was at and he goes, now did you order a raspberry sorbet there?

Cause if you do, you're confirmed. And I actually had. And so I took a picture of the cup with the residue of the raspberry just to prove it. And I was like, how did you know that? I almost got paranoid for a second. I thought you had a camera on you. Yeah, cause I just, I always do and I always have.

Yeah. Yeah. No, because, because it's just a confirmed type of thing cuz you're sorbet sherbert raspberry kid cuz you're confirmed Yeah, so this guy's interesting because you know that place is interesting now. It's like Azerbaijan Yes, so long golly. Yeah, Kazakhstan Azerbaijan, but but actually there still is a nation of Mongolia Yeah, it's a nation of Mongolia now, but over there It's very funny because like the whites turn

Asian, the Asians turn whites, and you walk a little south, and they turn a little browner. That whole region is just Afghanistan. Afghanistan, they're like whitey, Asiany lookingy. And then if you look at the Finnish, it was a mixture of like the Germanic tribes and the Asian tribes, probably Mongolian or whatever. So they look like white Asians. It's just that then you got the Rus people, the Muscovites,

which is Moscow is named after, they were like a tribe. And the Rus people, which became Russia, they were like a tribe. And you go to Russia, there's like Russian Asians, which is wild. They'll get banged down too. Yeah, and so you're like, that whole thing is like a mixed pot of Middle Easterners, Asians, and whites.

Yeah. Yeah. Jess, can you go back to what the, because there was one thing I wanted to talk about too. Yeah, go get that out. This is good. So this is one thing they did. They actually had a legal and administrative system.

Now, it's called the YASA code, but we'll call it the YASA code. Genghis Khan implemented a system of laws known as Yasa, which it wasn't fully preserved, but it emphasized order, discipline, and unity. And this early legal codification influenced later legal traditions. The Mongols also developed detailed administrative systems,

including sentences, postal systems, and taxation methods that inspired many state governance things we still have today. So the Mongolians were smart kids. Yeah, and I forgot about the Turkic tribe. Tell us about them. Those are the ones that became the Ottomans. So Genghis Khan took control of them too, but then later on after the Mongolian Empire

crumbled, guess what came up? What? Ottoman. Ottoman. So after that the Ottomans rose to power, took control of that whole fucking area. So the whites always win. The whites always win. The whites always win. But you as a Greek, you as a Greek must like,

must like the fact that Genghis Khan was able to beat back the Turks a little bit. That makes you feel nice. A little bit, yeah, they weren't our enemy yet, but looking back in retrospect, yeah, it was a little nice, you know, and unfortunately I got grape jeans. It's what it is.

What it is. We talked about it, I think, on Stavi's podcast. I have Anatolian jeans, Turkic probably in me. But yeah, Turkish people come from a tribe called Turkic. They were, but they looked whitish. They were kind of whitish. So they were one of those tribes in there in East Asia. Unfortunately, your blood is grape juice.

It's grape juice. Nothing you could do. It's what it is. And this is the story of the conquering of the Eurasian step. Yeah. Do they call it steps or steps? I call them steps.

Steps. Because they're neutral. Yeah. But I do love that what you said that he promoted based on talent and loyalty rather than birth, you know, freaking DEI. He was not about DEI. He was all about meritocracy. Yeah.

He didn't give a shit what you were as long as you were good at it. Yeah. He was really about, he was really a Republican kid. He just was just pulled himself up by your own bootstraps and make something of yourself. Yeah, that's really what it is. And he's got some really great famous quotes though. To give me a couple more. Some of them are scary. The first one I like, tell us the first one again. If you're scared, don't do it. If you're scared, don't be scared. Yeah, if you're... Add that to the fourth thing that you should do every day in your life and repeat on mantra. Does that keep you on the beam?

That keeps me on the beam. Okay, so he said another, a few great quotes that you guys will like was, the greatest happiness is to scatter your enemy, to drive him before you, to see his cities reduced to ashes. Yeah. So the kids- Makes him feel nice. It makes him feel nice.

For him that was like looking at a sunset. Yeah. Yeah, or for my, like my dad liked the stair of trees, he just liked to look at a city besieged, burning. Yeah, he liked just women, children, and people screaming. Yeah, he just liked that. And here's my favorite one. This is really like a vicious, this is like pulp fiction where he recites that Bible verse,

I will strike down upon thee. Look at what this kid said. And that was another thing is he claimed that he had a deity in him. Yeah, he was a god, Napoleon and Jesus. So he goes, I am the punishment of God. If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you. The kid was not there to make friends. Yeah, what the kid had was a bit of a leaky room. He had a fucking leaky room.

He thought he was God's like hell angel on earth. Yeah. He had a leaky room. Yeah. He said an action committed in anger is an action doomed to failure. So he always said keep calm and stay on the beam as well. Yeah, that's what it is. So he's like burn and pillage, but do it on the beam.

Do it on the beam. Just, yeah, box breathe. Yeah, that's what it is. So he's like burn and pillage but do it on the beam. Do it on the beam. Just yeah box breathe. Yeah box breathe. And he said uh this just gives you insight into his character. A man's greatest joy is crushing his enemies. Yeah. So he's Dave Portnoy. Yeah it's just what it is. Without division of a goal a man cannot manage his own life much less the lives of others. So this guy was goal-oriented. Yes. Yeah, he was set up little goals and he achieved them. Yeah, and he achieved them, and that's what it is.

He did it step by step. Step by step? Literally. Steep by steep. Steep by, he did it steep by steep. He's not trying to do it all at once. Yes. He's getting 1% better.

And that's the way of the chiggers. Yes. And he said, that's what they do. They bite you once at a time. Now he said, a single arrow is easy. Now this is a good one, this is a good one. This is about cooperation, which he was big on, that's why he got the help

of the different tribes and everything. He said, a single arrow is easily broken. But not 10 in a bundle. So if you hold 10, you can't break it. So we're stronger together. We're stronger together. It's just what it is. Yeah, me and you found that out when we broke up. Yeah, it's just what it is, we're stronger together. Yeah, we're stronger together. Yeah, it's just what it is. Yeah, me and you found that out when we broke up. Yeah, we're just stronger together. We're

tending a bunch. And now what we like to do is bundle them up and sit on them. Yeah. And then he said, he also said people conquered on different sides of the lake should be ruled on different sides of the lake. Wait, say it again. People conquered on different sides of the lake should be ruled on different sides of the lake. What does he mean by that? He's basically respecting diversity, meaning like, if I conquer this guy over here, and they're Turkic, and I conquer these people over here, and they're laser beams. Right.

So, I conquer these Eastern Hemis, the Chinese, I conquer these laser beams over here. I conquered these Sandra D's over here. I'm going to rule them as Sandra D's. I'm going to let them be Sandra D's. It's less problems. I'm not going to try to make them all just- I'm not going to make them all Mongolian. I'm just going to rule them and let them be Sandra D's. Got it. Respect them. They keep their religions with the many gods. Akash can live. As long as he works for me, it's fine. That's it. Respect it. Keep the religions with the many gods, you know, Akash can live. 100%. As long as he works for me, it's fine.

That's it. Yeah. As long as he keeps slapping that knee. So those are some of his great quotes. He was very... I dropped my pen. You dropped your pen. But, you know, historians basically say that without Genghis Khan, we would have never

got gunpowder, right? My pen's by you. Get my pen. It's by your chair. We got paper. Now it's open by you. Okay.

We got paper, gunpowder, the Silk Road opened up. From the Mongolians? Yes. Oh, I thought gunpowder was in the Chinese. Yeah, but that's the trade route. Got it. Yes. And all because of the Silk Road.

What the Silk Road was, you want to know what it really was? It was a 5,000 mile long safe space. Yeah, it was totally safe. It was really, everyone was, he was basically nice to merchants. He was very protective of merchants. I like that. So basically he was one of the first people who was nice to Jews.

Right. Right? It's nice. I mean, who the merchants, right? Mostly Jewish people, yeah. Mostly Jews, probably even going back to them. So it was a vast network, the Silk Road. It wasn't just a single road.

It connected China to the Mediterranean, facilitating the exchange of goods, ideas, technologies, and cultures. And that's what helped us evolve in the Western Hemisphere so we could eventually go back and conquer them. It's what it is. In some nice sweet opium wars and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. And they could get wars and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah, and they could get some nice stuff from us.

Yeah. Like warring ways. Very nice. Yeah, so everyone won. Everybody wins. It's a one win, except for the 40 million people who disappeared off the planet. Unfortunately, that's just what happens sometimes.

That's just how it happens in history. It's how the cookie crumbles. All right. It's a cookie smash on the floor. Now, of course, we're gonna keep going at patreon.com slash history. Hi, Heena's bonus episodes up there, continuation maybe of some of this. And we got wild stuff to say out there.

As always, the newest members of the matriarchy's names will be read out at the end of every episode. So right now we want to welcome the new people and the best name wins PPW, Pseudo-penis of the Week. So welcome to the matriarchy, Josh. Then we got biggest... Okay, I... You got walked into one? I don't know though if I have. You walked into one. Oh, because I didn't say the nipples. Okay, walked into one. Okay,

how... Okay, here we go. How could it be, in a bottleneck? So you walked into one, you walked into one, but it's, you know, they're creative. It's a walk, that one gets the walked into award. Yeah. He's basically saying, so how could you get them all in there? Yeah, efficiently. Yeah, okay, all right. Okay, Seth Carter. Then we got Jose Menendez was a hell of a balls player Hey put him on the list list. Yeah, okay Patrick Malone Puerto Rican Mohican Assman what up? Sweezy Brian Schulte William Papadoulos one

Brian Schulte, William Papadoulos, one to... J.D. was Francis's final fissure fuck. Piss stretching out my fertile wife's, okay, sauce monkey piss stretching out my fertile wife's salsa cavernous loquace salsa cave. Salsa cave. Okay. Sorry, it's too long. It's a long one, but it's a good one. Bad read, yeah. Salsa cave is good for, you got a Hispanic wife and you call on her vagina, salsa cave

is very funny. It's a thing. Yeah. Julia Weiss, then we got out in Brooklyn looking for Twinko Pinkos to Plum My Stinko. Okay. Kids out there hunting for gay sex. Gay kids. Yeah.

Morgan Dunn, Dan Whitehorse, Logan LaChapelle, Andrew Peterson, Tom Sutton, Adam Pichoni, Barnabas Abrams, Burst girl spleen with my peen while yelling ladder 14. I love it. I'm gonna put them on the list. Okay. Yeah. I like the rhyme scheme. Father Bill's loophole aka low dose Liam. It's a Drexler. More inventive father bill one. That's good. I'm Kay glued caboose pop screws loose unlike top the Jews use Don't get it. I don't know. Sorry My Nike SB's record mp3s for the CCP. Thanks, Bobby ree Bobby ree funny Andre Boucher Isaiah Wallace footman Joel Olsteen's eunuch

You know, he's got one. Yeah Lee plush Cher, Isaiah, Wallace Footman, Joel Olsteen's eunuch. You know he's got one. Yeah. Chicken figure. Lee Plush, Uncut and What Still Needs to Suck, Jordan Levy, read bio for History Hyena's Name, Aaron, Idris Ashi Albus, okay. Idris Ashi. Oh, okay, I don't know.

Erica Dawn, Slamming Tooths with Saddam's glue gun on him. Okay. Jason House, Seth Luce, invisible 5'2 in his shoe. Adam Westhoff, gutter trash hobo. Galascio Ramirez, munch. JD just killed the pope, Vance. Kamala's green and wretched yeast infected fecal exit yum Jesus yeesh Joe Legro slonkin doinks HD3 ddy 69 Sam McDonald John Shaw sub prime Timmy D and his twink Matthew Ellen burger Tim Dillon's tonsils full of glue, Mike Panatera, Jimothy,

Mountain Man D.Y., L., Carlos Spicy Weiner, Connor Longo, I started a band with some leaky roofs and franks and beans, call us mentally guttarded. I like it. Guttarded. Guttarded. I like it. I'm going to give that a Drexler. Drexler. Yeah. Braden Gayer, Arush Alali, Tyler Culley, Ritz crackers and foreskin cheese, Israel's number one imports.

That's gross. Gross. Tom Van Nass, JD Barton Construction, a frisbee on a heavy dose of Lexapro because I'm off the beam because we killed Jesus. I would put him on the list. That's funny, yeah. Like that. Nicholas Connors, Jesus Rivera, Ryan LeClair, Dan Patt, Andre Canteras, Lars Beckham, Chaz, Tasteabs, Joseph LaRusso, some name in Greek, Elvi, Otto, Nav, Elvi, or Jewish.

Pamela Gonzalez, Cutie with the gluey smoothie. Haber, Miftel, Dressy, Chrissy D's Jockstrap, Jay, Ricardo, Arcala, Kraken Cold Ones, Cleaning Out Eskimos. Okay, kids up there doing his work in Alaska. Can you do? Jason, Alan, Da Cruz, Make, make no mistake Epstein's, okay, make no mistake, Epstein's roof almost made a, oh, make no mistake, Epstein's roof almost made a lake. So the same, the kid had a leaky roof.

Oh, the kid had a leaky roof. I like that. Sergio Chacon, Butchugs Patron, to take Tranny's home. Put him on the list. List. Off it. Oh, dog can't say that. Walked into one.

Walked into one, nope, can't say that. Darren Kirkorian, door. Can't, Rizby champ. Okay, walked into one. Walked into one. Denise Landman, tattooed a barcode on my ass so Chrissy T could scan it with the Yuka app, hashtag salad shooter glued in my poodle.

Put them on the list. All right, on the list. Yeah, put them on the list. I mean, guys creative. Yeah. Raf J Morales, Jackson Frankel, Adam Darrow, Bush did the Brooklyn bombings. RFK trying to cure it's just what it is. Because peace so crooked I call it Hillary. Put him on the list last chicken finger on the list handheld history

Benjamin B Royston, Sinny Sweeney's tits could never be that big under communism. It's what it is Funny Luke Philando Christian Billy Bob Joe tuck retardo chromo Okay, walked into one. Yeah. Reen Brisbane, praying on little St. James made me a believer. Daniel Curtin, J-Holts123, Brett McIntosh, Demetris McBagel, Deputy Archivist of the Staten Island Ferry Museum, Tyler Costanzo, used to date a muzzy, now she hates America.

Goldie Kendrick Cook, liberal cluck, powered by Big Black Bacock. Lucky33y7. When you're sick of skin flute and you're knocking the boot with a toot who is cute and has sploosh in your chute, that's a Fumade. Okay. Huey Gluis and the Jews. We had that.

Yep. Tess Kazaza, Anthony, Joshua Williams, Steven Fisher, Newham Jew 14, Tony Hinchcliffe is my mother, Griffin Dankle, Christopher Kirby, James B, Rob, Bob, Ali Blevins, live from the tub, it's Yanni Close Eyes, Colton Smith, Abby Shapiro's Milkers Make My Frisbee Spin, Jakers, Freddie, Chris Tucker, back Carlson. We had something like that. Yeah, the Pope is dead, so is the Catholic Church.

Chris Castro, Uncle Nam. Whoa. Okay, call your therapist. Yeah, I've been direct through that though, funny. Jonathan Stump, Poo Fist, Adriana Blasek, Eric, Timothy Rumble, Alexander Koundevsky, Mitch Gordon, Connor Pratz, Dushan Eberhot, David Buies, Michael Rice, Donald Miller, Alex L., My Fuzzy Cuzzy Was a Muzzy But Ate My Pork Anyway, Christian Hester, Carter, Conor Macaron, Sean Powell, Ethan Roush, Alex Rios, Benjamin Netanyahu, Shots, Kosher

Chocolate Glue Glue, Carolina Crazy, Colton B, Jonathan Allen, Microwave Sushi, Mooshu, okay one more page, Meggie D. Microwave Sushi was a callback. In the bento box. Yeah. Joe Mackey, Loochie, Samuel Moore, Chris Castro, Uncle Namin, Pien made me scream. Oh, this is a second one. Uncle...

Jesus Christ, aka the ultimate frisbee. Very funny. That's a chicken finger. Yeah. Alexander Koundevsky, Mitch Gordon, Father Bill is friendly with my present. Nice. I like that. That's funny. Yeah.

Just stay on the beam. Dushan Eberhart, David Weiss, Michael Rice, half Leroy, half Juanita. They... Okay. Walked into one. Sometimes you go into a bad neighborhood and you got to back out. Yep. Alex L, Romanian cam girl, AK no fumes through Zooms.

List. List. List. Christian Hester, Carter, Connor Macaron, Sean Powell, Ethan Roosh, Alex Rios, Kentucky Derby, aka Quick Twitch. Got you. Walked in a one. Walked in a one. Shit, shit, shit.

Kentucky Derby winner run,ka Quick Twitch Leroy. Yeah, you walked in and won, damn it. Carolina Crazy. Uncle Russell's Pet Cemetery. Funny. Colton B, Jonathan Allen, Cara Fritz, Dan, Cesare Baldamenti, Jasek, Make Non Not War, aka Hit Them With a Bath bomb, rupees to your troubles.

Drexler. Rachel Bishop, John Glee, Ivan Herrera, Big G, Devin, Iron Gill 20, Brandon Swain, Peter Meisenberger, Jacob Elmont, straight to the back door, Brian. Straight to the back door, Brian's a nice chicken finger. Nice chicken finger. Jack Thompson, Devin Painter, Shasar, Zero,

BG, Huda, the fire alarm beep in my girl's apartment, Daniel Serra, Stephanie Germanata's High School Ex, Bert and Ernie were HMOs, it's what it is. What it is, they were. Queen Tarifa, Chelsea likes her vinegars, Apple Cider, Benjamin Fearing, Tiran Man Mac 27, TT Jerry plugged my muffler, and then last but not least, The Jizzler. Okay. The Jizzler. So not the strongest list.

We got some goodies though. But we do got some goodies. No catapults. Always listen because you just never do know. So a frisbee on a heavy dose of Lexapro because I'm off the beam because we killed Jesus. It's very funny. I'm going to Drexler. Drexler, okay.

Very funny. Any other day guy. Sergio Chacon, butt chugs Patron to take Tranny's home. We're gonna keep that as a contender. That's it? Yeah. Tattooed a barcode on my ass so Chrissy D could scan it with the Yucca app. Hashtag salad shooter. He glued in my pooter. We're gonna keep that. Okay. Uh huh. Piece so crooked I call it Hillary. We're gonna keep that. Okay. Yeah. Sidney Sweeney's tits can never be that big under communism, it's what it is. Funny, but I'm gonna Drexler it. Okay, she does have absolute muscle.

She's got fucking knockers. Yeah, I like, okay, and the pen ran out of ink. She's got fun banks. This pen just ran out of ink, god damn it. Okay, that's fine. There's a pencil right there. Oh yeah, oh, here we go. That's what it is.

Perfect, okay,. Just got that. Then we got Jose Menendez was a hell of a balls player. We're going to Drexler it any other day. Okay. Burst my girl, spleen with my peen while yelling, light of 14. Very funny Drexler. Drexler. Okay.

So this one's out. Romanian cam girl, aka no fumes through Zooms. We're going to keep that. Okay. Yeah. We always do this right. Okay, so we got, Sergio Oshacoan, butt chucks, Patron to take trainees home,

tattooed a barcode on my ass so Chrissy D could scan it with the Yuka app, Pee So Crooked, I call it Hillary, or Romanian cam girl, aka no fumes through Zooms. I'm in a chicken finger kind of mood. I like chicken fingers. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna, Yuka app, it was a little long, even you just abbreviated it. If you would have ended there, I think it could have been

the winner, but we're going to Drexler that. Right. Sergio. Potchucks Patron to take Tranny's home. It's so good. And I, but I love Crooked Hillary. And the other one was the other one. Pisa, Pisa Crooked, I call it Hillary. And then Romanian cam girl, AK no fumes to resumes. Those are two good chicken. What do we got? Or the Sergio. Where are you leading? Me?

Yeah. Oh, Sergio for sure. Yeah. Where are you leading? Are you in a chicken figure mood, or are you more in a fine dining mood? I like, I just like, because Sergio, we've had some stuff with Sergio.

Piso crooked, I call it Hillary. It's funny, but Hillary, it's a bit of an old joke. No fumes through Zooms by itself would win. And Romanian Cam Girl, we just did an episode. Romanian Kid, to me, that's what I would go for. We're going with the Romanian Cam Girl. That's it. You're the winner, Romanian Cam Girl,

aka no fumes through Zooms. Tell your friends, you can see your stuff up at history, see your name up at history, hihenasisback.com. Lucky, lucky winner. And yeah, thank you so much for coming. We are here for you every Thursday, 11 AM, at youtube.com slash history hyenas.

And the bonus episodes are at patreon.com slash history hyenas, where we're going to be continuing right now. Premieres at 10 AM Eastern.