History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - HOW SHE ESCAPED 24 YEARS OF SLAVERY

Episode Date: February 20, 2025

It’s Black History Month, and Chris and Yannis bring you one of the wildest slave escape stories in history: The incredible tale of Ellen and William Craft. You won’t believe the ingenious plan they executed to escape from captivity in Macon, Georgia—a journey that led them to freedom in Philadelphia, then to England, and eventually back to Georgia years later. Their remarkable story is not only a testament to their enduring love and courage, but also to their lifelong commitment to helping former slaves secure their freedom. Support our sponsors: Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com! Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to https://RocketMoney.com/hyenas today. Download the PrizePicks app today and use code HYENAS https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/HYENAS  #comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://teespring.com/stores/historyhyenas Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. Hey everybody, how are you? Now I'm coming to you from Macon, Georgia. It is Black History Month, but also Presidents Day and we're celebrating presidents that were alive when slavery was happening.

So it's a little bit of a yin and yang. Welcome to the story where we're going to talk about a couple of should-be-known-better runaway slaves that were very creative. My name's Yannis Pappas and I'm sitting here with Handsome. You're just handsome. Thank you. Your hair finally looks good. You got rid of your Christopher Reeves curl and now you're starting to finally just kind of grow into that handsome white look. And now you look like a guy who didn't grow up in Queens. You could be a SoHo kid.

Because I'm very happy that you changed the accents there because I was real close to calling myself Confederate Chrissy and just going off. But thank God you changed the accent so now I could just be me with my hair spiked up to the ceiling. Yeah! Is that your buck over there? He looks like a strong hand. I could use him on...

Cause I gotta be honest with you, that voice that you're doing, that southern voice is the... Is for me, I wanna find that voice in a woman. And then that's the perfect voice. If I could find just a hot chick that looks like jazz but's got a voice like you, I want to find that voice in a woman. And then that's the perfect voice. If I could find just a hot chick that looks like Jasper, that's got a voice like you, I'm in. A southern voice. If Leonardo DiCaprio could do it, I could do it.

Do you think he felt uncomfortable on that set where he was going, you know, he was grabbing the skull and going, they're inferior. I mean, right in front of all these black actors, I mean, it must have been just a little uncomfortable. Or do you think it was liberating because you think deep down every white guys got That evil in it because we are the only race that has Neanderthal DNA we are and maybe that's why the Israelites are right and we're just lepers and we're evil

Are we just evil right like what we're evil street? You're saying you're saying that near we you're saying white people have Neanderthal DNA and only us, but Israeli people don't. Israeli people do not have Neanderthal DNA? What, were there two? No. You just said the Israelis don't have Neanderthal DNA. I didn't say that.

What did you say? I said it. Oh, because I was going to say, because they may not have Neanderthal DNA, but they do live in caves. Wei Shengxing. No, I was. I'm just joking. Yeah, I know.

It was Wei Shengxing. Whatever the Wei Shengxing goes, it just, y'all know we're just joking here. We're just joking. Yeah, I know. It was Wei Shengxing. Whatever the Wei Shengxing goes, y'all know we're just joking here. We're just trying to have a good time. No, what it means is that they have found that the white man is the only one that had interbred with the Neanderthals. Oh, got it.

So we all have a little Neanderthal DNA. I mean, look at your forehead. So we're savage. Yeah, no, I think mine was, when you do your 23andMe, it will tell you how much Neanderthal DNA you have And you and Jesse got some cuz look at those fucking four heads. Yeah, and look at me. I got I got none You got a little head. I got lady DNA. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think I think you're right and I think that um, I

Think that yeah, cuz if I if I was living in this, oh, sorry Leonardo DiCaprio You were saying, I do think that he absolutely was probably getting a hard on when he was saying, in those movies when he had to say they're inferior, because the kid's name is Leonardo DiCaprio, and if your name's Leonardo DiCaprio, there's just a little bit of racism baked into the name.

I mean, your name can't be Leonardo DiCaprio, and you have not said it at least once. I mean, you dropped a couple of Ns. I mean it's just what it is. I don't like the rules but I do play by them. If your name's Leonardo DiCaprio they might have said it when he was born. Yeah that's right. Yeah that's right. It's just baked in like a love for sauce and gravy and lasagna. You're gonna hear your parents drop a couple of... It's what it is and that with the name Leonardo DiCaprio, even though I know he's a Hollywood actor He's got to go a certain way but the kid voted for Trump because that name votes for Trump

I think I think he couldn't even I think his hand was trying to go the other way Yeah, then I mean it just went the Mousseline. I mean, they just they're just what it is That's just what they are They want they they just their kids that just don't want others in their neighborhood because by the way Yeah, what we're gonna do a great episode today on, we're going to do a great episode today on actually the first trans slave, believe it or not, this is really true. Ellen and William Kraft are going to tell you a wild story, but I do want to do an episode on Mussolini.

Maybe next week I want to do a Mussolini because I want to be able to tell the people how he was actually great. Yeah, that's just a, no, there's different opinions. If you go, if you look, you got to, what you got to do is watch Alex Jones and he's got a different slant on how Mussolini really, you know, he was building railroads. Yeah. And he was really just an Italian kid who loved his mother. That's what it is.

And he was just a misunderstood kid. That's the thing. Yeah. Because it was at the time everyone was rebelling against their parents. They did the Rebel Without a cause movie with James Dean Everybody's all your parents are bad and Mussolini's like no you gotta respect your mother That's it. You gotta love your ma. She you know, you mean she cooks a nice gravy for your son She's gonna tie a kid. It's always said. Yeah, that's what she's

Yeah, yeah, she's good to tie kid and and he would have said if he was alive today We said, you know, I really like the fucking Chinese kid on the lake is LeBron James. Yeah, that's really what he said. It would have called him a Chinese kid. Look, he was just the kind of guy who was going to look. I grew up in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn. If you're not familiar, he was a traditionally Thai neighbor. He's like, look, there's just a lot of Chinese collective fucking cans. Yeah. And I don't know. Why they going through my fucking garbage like squirrels. Yeah. And I saw a fucking lady carrying a bag on her head a fucking 800 year old China

Yeah, I mean what the fuck is this Bangkok? Yeah, it would have said listen Darlene What I'm not paying up for you want me to pay the fucking money for a ring camera put out there I want to record everything that's going on a but I'll just have a Chinese guy staying outside my door Yeah, like oh, he was just a kid Mussolini was a type of kids just going look I just fucking feel more comfortable if they're in the laundry mats That's all why they fucking crawl that in a large mats like fucking feel more comfortable if they're in the laundry mats. That's all. When they fucking crawl down the laundry mats like fucking roaches and now they're collecting cans.

That's what Mussolini would say to people. He would say guys it's not that I'm a racist but don't you guys just want to be comfortable? Yeah. Don't you want to sit in this country and just be comfortable? Yeah. When I go to a pizza place I want my Italians cooking my pizza. I want my fucking cooking my general so's. That's what it is. I want the fucking Chinese and my general so's. That's what it is.

I want the fucking Chinese to be ironing my shirts. That's what it is. And I said, why are they not in the laundry mat? Yeah, that's what it is. When I go to a pizza, I want the Italians in the front making the pizza, but then I want the Mexican in the back really making the pizza. That's what I want.

That's what I want. So he was just a kid who was just, he liked organization, he felt like things got a little disorganized. That's what you meant. That's what I meant. That's why, you know, and if you look at a picture, you know, bald head, short hair, that's why we called him Mr. Clean.

In the neighborhood. Because the kid just came and cleaned a few things up, but the episode's not about him. It's about Ellen and William Kraft. But can I ask you a real quick question? I'll ask both of you guys. I want you to talk to my hair. Yeah, talk to your fucking hair, which is, I mean, because it is, you're putting it together again.

I mean, yeah, the kids, am I the comeback kid or what? Yeah, you're the comeback kid and you have a calmer look on your face and like, you know, you're breaking out a little, you had stress rashes and stuff and your nails are growing back, they're not that bad. I feel like shit was cute and sweet for you this weekend, it wasn't chewing feet, because sometimes it's either cute and sweet or chewing feet. Yeah. And so I would check in with you and said, is shit cute and sweet over there in LA or

is it chewing feet? And you said one foot in the mouth. Yeah, it's one foot in the mouth. And yeah, and the reason why I'm just feeling nice and calm is because I've been thrown out of my house. Can I live in a hotel? Yeah. So I'm just back living by Newark airport and feeling good. So I'm just back in the elevator because. Yeah. So you feel comfortable living out of a suit bag right? I'm back by Newark airport and it's just where I need to be cuz and I've been wearing the same outfit all week and it's just SLKS.

I mean you know I didn't have a jacket so the kid just went to the Staten Island mall and they picked up a nice piece from Zara. Yeah cuz you know it's that's a coincidence that we're going to be talking about a couple of runaway slaves today during Black History Month because your life, you live like a runaway slave. That's how it is. That's how, I mean, cuz, you've never met- You're on the run, cuz.

You've never met anyone, you've never met anyone in your life who, who has, you know, had relative success in, in a career and lives out of garbage bags like me. I mean, because you've never seen anyone, you've never seen anyone who's walking, I mean, half of my clothes still to this day are just in hefties in the basement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just, you like life on the road.

I'm a kid that likes life on the road, and I'll look you in the eye and say, I don't wanna be on the road, I just wanna be home, I wanna be with my family, but then I'm also sign texting my agent saying, get me to Toledo. Yeah, there's something about being in transit that is kind of calming, you know?

Yes. Because when you're stuck in a situation, you just feel trapped, you're like, I gotta move, I gotta run. I gotta run away. You got the heart of a slave seeking freedom. That's what, no, because I got the heart, I got the heart of a young Kenyan man.

I'm always running. Yeah, you're a marathon runner. Yeah. I'm a marathon runner. Yeah. Yeah, cuz, but this, I mean, but this is a wild story. This one came from you. Cause you know me, when you ask me what topics do you wanna do, we'll ask the fans, what should we do?

And then Yanni will say, what should we do? And my topic, my choice is always someone who is gay in history. Yeah, either that or you always pitch Jack the Ripper, which we're probably gonna do on the Patreon. You always pick, you you always pitch Jack the Ripper, which we're probably gonna do in the Patreon. You've been pitching Jack the Ripper for years. We're gonna go to patreon.com slash history, and we're gonna really talk about Jack the Ripper,

who his DNA was finally uncovered, and the story gets wild, and I have to be honest with you, just a quick little briefing. Jack the Ripper doesn't really scare me as much as he used to now, because when you find out through the DNA And we'll explain it more you find out that the kid was a Polish immigrant So now that I know that Jack the Ripper just looked like Lukasz. I don't give a fuck right so your friend Lukasz

Yeah, my friend Lukasz. Who's the doctor the show? I mean Jack the Ripper looked exactly like this kid So now it's like who cares and now the thing about this a news coming out that they got the DNA and the kid was a Polish immigrant now people are gonna start going see that's why we need a wall and we can't have immigrants. So everyone's just gonna close the border. Well no what's gonna happen is the news came out, the news came out that Jack the Ripper was in fact a Polish immigrant and then for no reason whatsoever Germany just launched the bomb at Poland. We're just gonna do this again and we're just gonna invade Poland. I was in Chicago this weekend and man is that a Polish town.

That's a big Polish town. Yeah, it's a big Polish town. It really is. There's a lot of... And on stage I said... And I didn't know that that was a slur. I thought that's just the way you referred to it. No, you can't say that one.

That's bad. That's bad? Even I knew that one. So what do you call... Just like the way you say Greek or black? No, you just call them cleaning ladies They do they really big-time clean they're big-time. Yeah, you can't say that that's actually that's that's so far just poles Yeah, I mean come on. Gosh. Listen to every episode. He might have just put down his kawamki. Yeah, I'm sorry

It's a cheshire. I'm sorry. Look, I so Paul. It's the way to go. He's a polish guy or a pole you would say pole polish so Yeah, you can't see why cuz you just can't do it. It's just a word pole with an acot here There was a kid there was a group of kids on my basketball team in college polish kids I went to I played ball a lot of Polish kids and they used to call they were like, you know They were like, you know kids that like listen to rapid shit and they called themselves UPN, United Polish. And they were like, yo, we're UPN. I said, ninjas. Yeah, they said United Polish.

Yeah. I was like, damn. And you were calling them pierogi monkeys. Yeah, that's oh yeah. Yeah, pierogi monkeys. Good one. Yeah. It was what is it derogatory term for polls?

I mean, who knows where it comes from? Honestly, too, dude, is there any derogatory terms or is it just people I've decided that a Word means something and then we all have to fucking follow it when it's like does it really bother you dude Or you it's you know everything with human beings like are you gonna be a follower your whole life? Well what you got to do is you got to take the words and then like just make them terms of endearment like the way Black people do with the n-word seriously you just take one letter on it. So instead of Paul yeah, that's my pole. You can call them poles. Yeah. Oh, that's my pola. Oh, yeah, that's my pola without decay That's my pola right? That's what it is. Yo listen my pola. Yeah, I was here talking my other polas

I love these polas young saying you don't know me like pola. Yeah, you don't know me like that my pola Just like that. That's what it is. It's black history month. The gays also have a month. Yes That the gays also June right they have June. They have June. Yeah and they got a flag. Yeah. Yeah. They got a flag which I saw a video somebody posted a video the other day I'll send it to you Jesse after the F. There's the trans flag. Yeah. And it's like you know pink and white whatever and there's video of this guy being like dude every time I see a hot chick she has that flag in her bio get me to that place I want to fly there and you guys know it's just because it's the trans flag.

Yeah, it's the trans flag. You think trans are hotties and they are. Yeah. A couple of them were at my show in San Fran. Yeah. And you know, dude, it was hard to not yell my room number out on stage. It's what, you know.

Look directly at them. When someone puts that much effort into femininity. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like you almost, it's like watching a kid grow up from nothing and make it. You just kind of want to cheer them on. You just kind of, you know, someone, you're like, this guy came from the ghetto and he

became a multimillionaire. I mean, this guy started as a guy and now he's a hot woman. Now he's a hot woman. You just, there's something to be applauded and they deserve to get banged out for that. They do. They put a lot of effort into that. Yeah, and you know, we didn't do that in San Fran, we stayed true, but I did make no mistake,

I did go back to the Marriott down by the wharf, because that's all I could afford because it was NBA All-Star weekend, and I did crank off a little bit to a couple of trans people in the audience. It's what you do. There was a guy out there that looked like Steph Curry, and make no mistake, I glued on myself hard.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just what it is. I mean, here's my question. Because, gotta be honest with you, there's a couple of times where I've been really lonely where I just went back in time and I snapped off a little bit to the Morisa video. You snapped off that, right?

There's just a couple of times where I've just been climaxed and hearing, Dasit! And it's just what it is, because I got a little glue on my phone, and the last video has just been Maurice Dossett, the music video. Yeah, I mean, cuz, would you rather bang out,

I snap off a hot, push through a hot trans woman, or Cheryl Miller? Whew. You're saying the options are. I mean, I know, I'm splitting hairs. Cheryl Miller. Yeah, cuz if I saw Cheryl Miller know, I'm splitting hairs. Cheryl Miller. Yeah. Because if I saw Cheryl Miller and I saw, like, you know, a hot trans woman and someone

said, which one of them had a cock, I'd go, your guess is as good as mine. Yeah. Yeah. What's the diff? Yeah, I mean, for 99% of time, I just thought Reggie and Cheryl were the same guy. I thought it was... I thought it was... Yeah, I thought he was just...

He was, like, putting makeup on for a movie called She's Gotta Have It or something. I would definitely bang out Charmelle. I mean I bang out Reggie Miller too. I just don't discriminate what it is. You know, I just have fun. As we say, I'm for the table. We're all for the table. All for the table. And history, it was mostly for the table. Are we going to talk about Ellen and William Cray? We are. When Genda was, this is the first time gender you know became a little amorphous because they came up with a plan. Now Ellen herself was a quantune. What's a quantune mean? I think I'm, I hope I'm

saying that. It sounds like something I rent and take out on the lake. It does. What is that? It's quantune or a quatune. What is it? What's a quatroon? I think it means she was a one-fourth At the time I think you could say the better way to say is Negro one-fourth Negro Yeah, she was I think I think if we're talking historic a quadroon a quadroon It sounds like my it looks like what my hairstyle would be called right? Yeah, I got the quadroon. I got the quadroon Yeah, I think it was a quarter. so it was a person with one quarter African American. Or Aboriginal and three quarters European. Yeah, so she was a quadroon,

meaning she was a very light-skinned woman. She was a holly berry type. Ooh, I love holly berry. Yeah, she was probably lighter than holly berry. She was really light-skinned and she fell in love with a slave named William. So she was, but she was enslaved, right? A quadruse.

She was enslaved, she was, her mother, her father was the rapist, and. Oh, really? Yeah, well, you know, I guess they call that now because they're going like, even if it was like sort of. Consensual. It's like a power dynamic. Yeah, it's like Thomas Jefferson, I mean, you know,

who knows, the only people know is her mom and her dad But probably that power dynamic really is not great Yeah, because one's a slave master and one's a slave So it's but the truth is the uncomfortable truth is is that most of slaves just got banged out And I don't even know would you think that was racist or do you think it was because just like guys will bang what's in their house? I mean look at Arnold Schwarzenegger, banged out his housekeeper and he could do a lot better than that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. He just banged. I mean, he was dating.

He was with Mariah Shriver at the time and then he banged out that girl. Housekeeper. Yeah. And it's just one of the, yeah. Can you pull up a pic of her just for fun? Let's pull up Schwarzenegger's housekeeper. He banged out his housekeeper. I mean we should name this episode Schwarzenegger's housekeeper. I mean, so, and I think Ben Affleck got in trouble. Didn't a lot of people. Yeah, he just banged out.

Yeah, it's just what it, I mean she's not bad though. Yeah, cuz. I mean whoa, whoa! Yeah. But she don't look like that when he banged her out, no? Uh, well I mean. And they have a kid together, no? Yeah, they do.

Yeah, they do, he banged her out. I think he was banging her out more than once, too. Yeah, cuz, can I just be 100% honest with you? Yeah. I mean she kinda just looks like, you know, the women that show up to my family barbecues. You know? Yeah. But it's nice.

But I mean, honestly, dude, in these picks right here, I take her over Maria Shriver. That's just a bad pick of Maria Shriver. Yeah, but Maria Shriver's a piece. She's a piece of Cheesy Kennedy, right? Yeah, and Chicago is a piece. It's a piece of a city. Shout out Chicago, Illinois.

My favorite city outside New York. San Francisco, Chicago, Yeah, and Chicago is a piece. It's a piece of a city. Shout out Chicago, Illinois. My favorite city outside New York. San Francisco, Chicago, Boston, and New York are my four faves. But you're into San Francisco less for aesthetics and more for culture. For culture, yeah, I love the hills. I love the hills, I love the hills. I always wonder why there's not just more

piles of dead old people at the bottom of those hills. I think that San Francisco, kind of much like these European, like ancient cities where everyone's just healthy, San Francisco's got that terrain. I didn't even know they build shit. It's like they build stuff like floating on a hill. Yeah, they have the most in shape homeless people. If one of them chases you, he will catch you.

I mean, they constantly do an ill climate. And this time I got to see San Francisco the right way with Paul Pelosi. I got to... That's the way you want to do three of Paul Pelosi's passenger seat. That was nice. He'll take you to all the guys that will keep a secret. Yeah, I mean that was a gay thing that got caught

and it's what it is. You think so? 100% I think they had to make it seem like this guy's crazy but in reality I think Nancy walked in on Paulie just banging the kid out. For the YouTube sensors that's officially a conspiracy. Oh that's right Yeah, I mean, I don't even think the guy claimed that he was banging out Paul Pelosi

He was there to hit Nancy Pelosi the head with a hammer I don't I think the kid just had what they call a leaky roof Yeah, he had us he had a wet spot the kid just had a hold the roof It's one of those things where it's just divided because it's like one of those things where if you asked me Hey Chris, who did you vote for this president election? My answer would be Paul Pelosi's gay and then you know And then you know where I voted Yeah, he's David to pop. Yeah, I just found out too So this guy broke it in the house David to pop the kid had a leaky roof and he got 30 years

Yeah, he got 30 years and I just found out there was a homeless guy that broke into Eminem's house I didn't know that what it was just standing over him said he was gonna kill him. You know what would be funny? If Trump pardoned him. Yeah. He said he did nothing wrong. Yeah. By the way Trump this weekend said... And we will by the way get to the trans slave part. Yeah we will. We were gonna get there so stick around. Yeah. But it is funny that Trump this week said that if you're trying to save the country you can't break the law. It's a little bit of a scary statement. I think both sides of the aisle were like, whoa, what's going on?

Yeah. Yeah. Wait, what does he mean by that? What do you mean? Well, that's what nobody knows. He's been doing typical Trump, just very controversial tweets saying like, I can't break the law if I'm trying to save the country. So he's kind of just saying like, I'm beyond, you know, you can read into that going like,

hey, I can't commit a crime because I'm the leader. And then you're going, okay, pretty soon, you know, does that mean we're, yeah. Oh, he's saying he can't break the law. No law's violated if he saves the country. Yeah, I mean, you know what, cuz, here, here. What it is, cuz, look at our blankie. Yeah, we got a blankie. By by the way shout out to the manager of

the Shout out to the manager of Cobb San Francisco John. I believe his name big hyena's fan on the patreon He's been on the patreon since day one. He said he got me in American flag He gave us a card And then he got me a whole bunch of cookies and sweets because you know as I love sweets And he said I got you the San Francisco black and whites, they're a little bit better, and he said, dig down, and I thought it was gonna be something,

you know, like a different variation of it, and it was just a chocolate coated cock and balls. And I appreciate that, I'll send you those pics, and we'll put those up, so I just wanna give a quick shout out. Very funny. Yeah, babe, you know me, I like it when my guys are rock hard, I like to see everyone in here rock hard, it's I'm about a rock hard penis.

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So she was a quandroon, which means she was very light skinned and she fell in love with William. Right. And William, who was a slave. Was a slave. So yes, Ellen Kraft, light skinned woman. As you said, father was, father was white, who was a slave owner.

Mother was black, was a slave. And then she's a slave, meets William, who was just a regular slave. He was just black slave. They were both regular slaves, he was just a little darker. But wasn't Ellen, because she was more light skinned, like treated a little fairer or no? She was, she was treated a little fairer, pun intended, fairer skin. Her original master got supposedly so annoyed that everyone kept thinking that she was her daughter because she sold or she gave her as a present to her daughter, her actual daughter. The wife, oh right, because also too the wife is like, I don't, because the wife had to

deal with, the slave owner, slave master's wife had to deal with, you banged out our slave and had a baby and she's right here. Yeah, right? That's also a big part Yeah, yeah It's I mean the guy had an affair but it wasn't an affair back then it was like see back then cuz slaves or property It wasn't an affair. It was like it was like just it was like I'm having sex with my couch Yeah, I own it. So he would just say to his wife like yeah, unfortunately would say something like I'm just doing a home renovation It's what it is. Yeah, like that would just be like caught being caught jerking off. Yeah, like I'm just I'm just jerking off, babe It's just a slave which is fucked up, but it is the truth. Yeah, it's a Ruth. It's a it is. That would just be like being caught jerking off. Yeah. Like I'm just jerking off, babe. It's just a slave. Which is fucked up, but it is the truth. Yeah.

It's a truth-pater. Yeah, it's an uncomfortable truth probably. They just kind of looked at it differently or, you know, the wife probably got mad, but they couldn't do anything because, I mean, a woman couldn't do anything because back then you could give them a talking to. That's what it is. Yeah, they didn't really have any rights, you know? Yeah, it's just kind of, they just got tuned up. They got, everyone just was getting tuned any rights, you know? Yeah, it's just kind of, they just got tuned up. Everyone just was getting tuned up by these slave owners.

Yeah. There were no Amanda Serranos yet. There was no feminist movement yet. Me Too movement was, it wasn't, back then it was called the I movement and it was the white I movement. Now, I'm not saying, I'm saying I am 100% for everything that's been happening with the feminist movement. I have daughters, you have daughters, I love it.

I really do, I love it. I'm only speaking very, very, very specifically in degree of difficulty in life. The degree of difficulty in life for white men back then was probably almost a saddle. Probably had no difficulties back then. You know, you kind of do what you want. The wife talks back. You just, you get and that's on patreon.com slash history. I mean, that's patreon.com. I know what you're saying. History. Basically you're saying you had an open road. There was a trap for you. Yeah. That's all I'm saying. I'm not saying it. You didn't even have to do any manual labor. I'm saying it's wrong.

It's 100% wrong. I'm talking about just fun. Yeah. Yeah degree of difficulty being almost at zero. You don't have to do any work and you just bang who you want and the wife can't say or do anything. Yeah. And it was, I think it was a very different country back then because it was very state to state. It was almost like two different countries. It was by state, like some states didn't have slavery or less slavery or you were in the north, it was totally different than the south, it was totally different cultures. Yeah, I mean, in some ways it's still like this today. I mean, look at the difference between Texas and Oregon.

Yeah, it's very- Oregon, there's men are on birth control in Portland. The only thing we have in common is the language in a lot of ways. Seriously, it's totally, I mean, the people in Maine are not, they're not having a border crisis. No.

You know, but they're a border state too. Yeah, exactly. Right. So it's a, it's a very different, it was different back then and they wanted to get out of basically their country and go to another country, which was like Philadelphia or Boston. Yeah. That's, imagine how bad your life has to be if you're looking to escape to Philadelphia. Yeah.

It's gotta be tough. Imagine how bad that is. Yeah. Just what you'd rather be front road in Eagles parade. Yeah. Than live where you're living. Yeah, it's gotta be tough. Imagine how bad that is. You'd rather be front row in Eagles parade than live where you're living. Yeah. I mean, that's bad, cuz. So they came up with a nice little plan.

They came up with a nice little plan because back then it was not easy to escape. I would say it was almost impossibile because if you got caught, you were gonna get killed. Yeah, just imagine the game of Frogger, but instead of cars, there's just guys with guns and bloodhounds tracking you down. Yeah, and they weren't yelling, there's a Frogger, but instead of cars, there's just guys with guns and bloodhounds tracking you down.

Yeah, and they weren't yelling, there's a Frogger, they were yelling something else. They were yelling something else. And it's just not okay. Yeah, it was not good. It's not okay. It's not good. Yep. It was not good and we're glad it's changed.

I'm 100% thousand percent glad it's changed and I do fully stand by that I'm glad it's changed. I was just doing the thought experiment. Yeah, no, we're just a couple of kids of immigrants who have nothing to do with this story Well, absolutely zero by the do it this story absolutely zero and we have both said before if we ever were alive back then We would be even if we were born in the South We would be sympathetic and we would get to the north and we would be drummer boys at the back of a battle We got the battle of Gettysburg playing the drums. Yeah. Yeah. Playing the drums trying to help anyone we could escape to safety because we're just not mean-spirited kids. I would have totally been, I would have totally

been like an operative on the Underground Railroad. 100%. I would have helped these slaves escape. Yeah, you would have been one of them. 1000%. As soon as they got to your state lines, you would have just been preaching radical acceptance and then they would have just dealt with you for about a mile and started running back the other way for slavery. It's just what it is. Yeah, maybe it was better. Yeah, because you imagine they get there, you're like radical acceptance, you just have

to box breathe, babe. You just have to box breathe. And then they're like, you know what? Put me back in chains. Yeah, they're like, I thought the summer days were long and Maycott George of a man that yachties date are longer. Yeah. Never had a yontly, cause you're kind of getting ripped now.

What's going on? Isn't he kind of getting ripped? Yeah. Did you work out in cheeky eagle? No, I don't really should cut. Cause you're starting to get a vein in your bicep. Yeah, and I'm not. Are you on tests?

No, it's just pushups and boxing. That's it. Every day. Boxing is the best. Not every day. I don't box every day, but yeah. Yeah, but I do try to do pushups as much as I can. Yeah, okay.

It's called the jailhouse. I try to do a jailhouse workout in the room. That's okay. You know, cause that's what you are when you have kids is you're basically like a prison guard just standing around making sure they don't get blocked. Well, what I would do too is, cause a lot of times, a lot of times I would do like

pushups, sit ups, and then, you know, if the kids wanted to play with me, I bet girls like, just give me a second with dad cause you're in your mind, like I gotta finish my hundred. I gotta whatever, but now I just make them a part of it. Now I squat with them. I bet girls like, just give me a second with dad because you're in your mind like I gotta finish my 100, I gotta whatever, but now I just make them a part of it. Now I squat with them, I throw them on my back. Yeah. I just, because you are working out to play with your kids.

Yeah, when you pick them up, you do back exercises. It's fine. You gotta think of it like that. Someone should make a workout video with toddlers and show how you can maneuver them. Yeah. Like weights going side to side. I'm sure they have.

Yeah, you gotta get creative. Yeah. And this is what these two did, they got creative. And this is a love story. Yeah, this is an optimistic love story really is because look she had a good situation Well, okay, not a good situation, right? She was enslaved, but they wrote a book right a thousand feet to freedom or miles to freedom. Years later because they couldn't when they when we're about to tell you the story about their great escape they couldn't even read or write because slaves were forbidden to read or write. They learn how to read or write years later and recount their story.

Right, they recount their story and they even admit like, you know, it was, it was, she had a decent situation, meaning she was, like you said, she had her own room. Yeah. With the, with the daughter she was given as a gift, whatever family she was with, she had her own room. She was treated pretty well. Yeah. But they were in love and they just, she had her own room, she was treated pretty well. But they were in love and they just, and he didn't have that horrible of a situation either.

I guess his master. They would let him go out on, they were, they were considered like, you know, high ranking slaves, whatever you call that, where they were very frequently given passes to leave. They could leave their enslavement and then they, you know, would come... You know, but we shouldn't say that. I didn't mean that. That's probably the way they looked. That's the way they looked at it. They said that these slaves have good recall. That's basically the way they thought. That's the way they thought about it. They get good recall. It's pretty wild to think that human beings used to be like that.

It's really crazy. It's wild. And now because the the only way it is still happening now, but that's in Saudi Arabia. Yeah That's a different place. They are do you know, by the way another episode we're gonna do Do you know that it's just really Arabia and the Saudi family is a family and they're that's the Saudi Arabia I did not know that. The Saudis are a family. Whoa. So we're gonna do a whole episode on the actual Saudis Yeah, because the it is just Arabia. They named it Saudi Arabia because they bought a nation. Now look they're getting into a lot of sports. They got like a soccer league that they're paying these guys all these guys golf whatever. If you guys want to get into the podcast game, yeah we're listening. We're listening to

offers. If you want us to do this at an Imam or wherever I'll do it. Yeah. I will do it. Yeah we are listening because make no mistake, the ants have dried up a little bit. You'd definitely cackle that whole part. Yeah. Throw it on the Patreon? Yes. Okay. Yeah.

It's nice to just say something. Yeah. I like when you throw a random stray at our infrastructure. Yeah. Yeah. Just what it is because sometimes when the Patreon stalls and the ad stall, you got to just shake them up a little bit and that's the way I like to shake it up. I like to throw a few strays.

Yeah. But the Patreon is fun, fun, fun. I mean, it is what it is. I mean, if you go into the kids' bedside table, he's going to just good. He's going to just have a strap out with a tool belt. It's what it is. Yeah. And it's not for him. It's not what, yeah. It's, it's, it's just, you know, you got to just a little asshole extender over there. And there's just what you could do. People are into what they're into and I respect and accept everybody. Yeah,

I do. It's no, it's no, it's no big deal. It's just what it is. It's no big deal. People need to do whatever they got to do to balance themselves out. It is cause the kid tried to stick a semolina and It's just what it is. It's no big deal. People need to do whatever they gotta do to balance themselves out. It is, cause the kid tried to stick a semolina and there's nothing you can do. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just what it is, and you know,

I don't know if we are on the Patreon or we're on the YouTube, but we're here. Yeah. But we are here, we're on the airwaves. Those are my types of favorite, those are my favorite episodes, but we just don't know which parts of this are gonna be available to whom. Yeah, it's kind of like playing whack-a-mole.

Yeah, patreon.com slash history hyenas for the uncackled versions of all our episodes every week and our weekly bonus episode and additional content. Join the Matrio. Yeah and we might just bring WEPA in the morning back because I gotta be honest with you I'm sick of doing everything else. So we might just start doing this every day we haven't decided yet but we probably will cuz cuz make no mistake once it gets really nice out. Yeah, I want to start walking around just doing Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's nice to stroll I mean I love a good stroll humans are meant to stroll Yeah, take me for a walk cuz put a leash on me and take me for a walk. I'm a fucking stroll ballie Cuz we're both a couple of sports fans

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after you play your first $5 lineup. Again, that's download the app today, use the code hyenas to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks, run your game. Here's the wild part of this story. Yeah, they're the Crafts, but not the Craft family that owns the New England Patriots. Not them. That's a different kind of slavery.

That's a different kind of slavery. Yeah, they own Tom Brady. Yeah, they own different types of slaves. Yeah, so what they do is they devise this plan now what Ellen Kraft who as we said was a quadroon Who was one-fourth white three-fourths European so she looked white? She would disguise herself as a wealthy white southern man. Okay, not a woman. She's disguising herself as a man So she's going full-trance which nobody did back then publicly. Yeah, and to be able to get away with it without any Testosterone. Yeah is very very impressive because we don away with it without any testosterone is very, very impressive.

Because we don't know if she was a piece or not. We don't know. I assume she couldn't have been a piece. Right, because she was able to look, well, it depends who you're talking to, because she might not have been a piece to you, but she might have been a piece to me if she looks like a guy.

Yeah, well, I mean, she was a really, really, really fair skin, only quarter black, and then she ended up having a relationship with a black guy, so I could only assume she was really fat. Wei Song Xian. Thank you, I just did the George W Bush duck. Yeah, yeah. What is it?

You remember when the guy threw the shoe at him? Anyway. I ducked it out. So we got Ellen, Ellen is disguising herself as a wealthy white southern man. Now William, who is her husband, is acting as her enslaved servant, which he actually is still, you know, he is in this situation. He is a slave and so is she. She's acting like the wealthy white southern man. He's acting like the enslaved servant. And then they traveled. They got on a on a train and a steamboat from Macon, Georgia, where we're coming to you live from, to the free

north. Their goal is to get to Pennsylvania. That's where freedom is. And they say to themselves, first the plan starts where they say they set out, it's December 21st, 1848. They got on the train from Macon, Georgia to Savannah. And they said if they ever got captured, they were gonna get punished big. They're probably gonna get eaten, maybe even hung. That's possibly could have gotten hung. Yeah, nobody likes that. They paid a lot of money for these people. They don't like that. And they, but here's what happened is they gained enough good points from their masters over the years where they were given passes to say, hey, we just want to go away for a couple of days. And they said no problem because they would always come back.

But this time, of course, they're not coming back and only white passengers were, of course, allowed on trains. And if you were the only way a black person was allowed on is if you had a slave with you. Yeah, it was very ingenious. So it was actually William who came up with this plan. Because guys just got a bit bigger brains. It's not and it's not that I'm saying that negative I like to deal in facts. Right. And they just have heavier bigger brains.

Right, right, right. Which was, you know, unfortunately, some of the science that they used back then to rationalize slavery. Yeah. Yeah, and it's not right. It's not right. It's not right. But when it comes to women, it's true.

It's true. But that's the good thing about that is it's a cross-racial line. And I just don't understand why the president's, you know, presidential race even tries it anymore. It's like, we're not voting for this lady with shoulder pads. Yeah.

And it's fucked up and I don't love it but again You just got to deal with it You got to deal with the situation at hand and not the one you wish was right situation, right? Right, which is what you said George Washington was good at. Yeah dealing with what was not what he wished right? Right? Yeah, and that's why you like George Washington. That's why I love George Washington because George Washington was always Assessing the situation as it was not as he wished it would be yeah, and like I said, I love that We're in Black History Month, but right now there's no holidays for that, but there is a holiday for two slave-owning presidents It's just what it's smack right? Oh, yeah of I like that of black history

I like that you they owned slaves and this is the month This is the date that they were given. Also, Hulu, they're doing this thing where they give one comic a special every month for the past 12 months, and they could pick any comic they wanted for the month of February, and they picked me, Chris Stefano,

my special's coming out February 21st on Black History Month, where they could have had multiple other black people doing comedy specials, and they didn't give them Black History Month. Yeah. Es lo que es. Yeah, through this whole era, I mean, it was almost like the blacks got pushed to the back of even the woke movement. It was like, yeah, trans, gay, yeah, Indian. I

mean, it was everyone was ahead of them, women. Yeah. And then blacks were just like, hey, when are we going to like, why don't you just give us all? Cause that's a good bit. I never thought about that. Washington and Lincoln are slave owning presidents and they got Black History Month, or at least Washington did. Yeah, right. So Lincoln didn't have a slave. You're right. But Washington did. That's funny. Yeah, it's funny. Washington just had slaves and they were celebrating his birthday. And they were like, congrats to you. Yeah, congrats to you. We're going to celebrate your birthday in the middle of Black History Month. So, okay, they boarded a train from Macon, Georgia to Savannah. They're on the train.

But wait, let's first talk about the plan. Yeah, tell me about that. So the plan is great. So he goes, listen, she's like scared of this. She's like, oh my God, if they catch us, you know, William, you know. He's like, baby, baby, just chill. He probably had like a real smooth kind of Barry Whelver. Baby, I got this, girl.

Come on, come on, girl. Let's go, girl. Smooth like, and he said, what we're gonna do is he cut her hair, so he cut her hair, boys don't cry style, made a little buzz cut of that shit. And then he goes, you're gonna pretend to be my master, but we can't have you talk, because they didn't know how to read or anything like that,

so what we're gonna do is we're gonna put your arm in a sling and say that you got some sort of disease and we're taking you up north, you gotta see a doctor in Philadelphia. No, they said that I think her arm was broken, she got hurt in battle, I thought, right? Not a disease, I think they said that her arm, they say like, make it like a man's injury,

like she got hurt in battle. Yeah, so that, yeah. What kind of battle would be going on? I don't know. Yeah, you got hit by a goddamn Native American. Yeah, or kind of battle would be going on? I don't know. Yeah You got you got hit by goddamn Native Americans Yeah, or it would've been fun if they came up with like a story like oh, there was a slave revolt You know and I had some slave attack me like, you know They had to do something to just deflect the fact that this was this was a lady

This is a quandary lady. Yeah, the dude's outfit. She probably had the top hat on Yes, he went he bought the costume piece by piece. He must have been getting a little bit of money here and there. I think he was like a cabinet maker or something. So he's piece by piece. This plan took a little, it's like Ocean's Eleven for slavery. They planned it. They planned it out.

They planned it out. And it was a whole thing and they got this woman just in, you know, they put an arm in this thing because what you have to do is you have to, when you're getting onto the trains or the steamboats, you have to do is you have to when you're getting on to the trains or the steamboat you have to sign you have to basically sign your name or sign in the slave and show Documentation so they figured the arm thing because he's a white gentleman. They'll just say forget it dude You're a good guy you're one of us and let him through and also she couldn't speak because she sounded like a woman And she probably had more of a slave accent or something like that So they also didn't know how to read or write. They didn't know how to read or write.

So that's another reason why she couldn't sign her name because she didn't know how to write. And so they thought of that problem and they go, hey, but we can't have you talk at all because you sound like a lady or whatever. And then he goes, you know what? We're going to make you deaf. Right. So she was a deaf slave owner who was probably a squeak because she was a woman.

It was really a woman whose arm was in a sling. So it was really like the same strategy that Ted Bundy did. Because when someone's injured, you don't, when you're like a victim, nobody, you don't want to criticize, be like, hey, are you really a lady, escape slave? You don't want to do that because, I don't know, you just feel bad for the person.

So it worked. So it worked out. And then they bound her, she bound her chest so she could deepen her voice just in case she could sound even more deaf, right? Because I guess if she was not speak because you know, yeah Yeah I'm going to go north and get my arm fixed by Dr. Horson in Philadelphia. I'm a white man, I'm not a black woman. Yeah, because when you think about it, deaf people don't sound masculine or feminine.

It's kind of neutral. No, they just sound deaf. Yeah, they sound deaf. Yeah. Thank you. Now I'm going to have my negro camera in another car and they'll just fight with me. I'm going to Philadelphia. I want to see the Eagles fight. Now, do you think when they got off in Savannah and then Charleston, you think they did a

little cute touring? They had to. I know that if that was us back then and we were trying to get it with this plan, we would just get caught in Savannah because we would be in antique shops going, it's fucking cute. It's so fucking cute out here. Oh my God. It's so fucking cute and sweet. We may miss our steamer, but fucking we're strolling and enjoying the sights of Charleston.

If you and I went to Charleston, it would be really, really hard not to just start skipping, because I would be so happy. I love Charleston. I would skip from square to square to square. Yeah, can we say something right now? Charleston is so fucking cute. It's so fucking cute.

We could fly there for the day. Yeah, I know. When it gets nice route, why don't we, when it gets nice route, why don't we just do an episode from Charleston? Let's do it. I love Charleston, and then it's good, why don't we when it gets nice, but why don't we just do an episode from Charles? Let's do it I love Charleston and then it's good because I think I could just go and I can go with a friend and I don't have to deal with

Fucking going with a woman. Yeah, I just want to go with my friends cuz then I have to do shit I don't want to do well look at the positive you're sleeping in a hotel, but you are working on your Hilton points. It's true Yeah, well, I'm a Barry. I'm a Marriott Bonvoy rewards member. So you're working on those. Yeah. Yeah. You get those up and I love and I want to just shout out my videographer, Steve Chaconi, writes Roni. Thank you for, uh, you know, that's your squeak. That's my squeak. Everyone needs a squeak on their team. Yeah. And in the middle of the night at the hotel in LA, I just got a little nervous and knocked on his door at 3m and he just went in the second bed. And it's just what it is. Cause I always like to get, I always like to get two queens rather than one King, just in case I get a little nervous.

I can have the opener, just come fucking sleep in the second bed. Yeah, yeah. It's what it is. And Sergio Chacon knows that very well. I mean, the kid just, we just bunk up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bunk up because I would say I didn't have the money,

but it's really just because I'm scared of ghosts. Yeah, and it's also funner. It's kind of funner to just bunk up and you can talk, watch games together, stuff. Yeah, it was great. Yeah, yeah, it's nothing wrong with it. I kind of see what you talk about. I like it, I enjoy it, because then you just start to get lonely. Yeah, the only it's not wrong with it. I kind of see what you're talking about. I like it, I enjoy it,

because then you just start to get lonely. Yeah, the only problem is when you gotta take a shit and then like, you know. The other guy's taking a shit. The other guy's gotta take a shit, and stuff like that. But that's what sinks are for, you're just getting the sink.

Yeah. I mean, it's not my room. All right, so here we go. December 21st, 1848, right? They're on the train, they're getting out there, making, in Georgia, to Savannah, ba-ba-h buh in Savannah they get through safely to Savannah even though it's cute they just wearing blinds I say we Savannah's cute cute cute but we got to get on this steamboat and they boarded a steamboat from Savannah

the thing is I don't know how they didn't get caught they went from Savannah to the next cutest city in the world Charleston South Carolina I mean they were surrounded by cute. It was really cute, but they kept their blinders on and were going, we got to make it north. And then they just, yeah, they got on another boat. And they made it. That's the way they would go.

Is, you know, is I like to take the Staten Island ferry? These kids would take the Staten Island steamboat. Yeah, they had to go through multiple slave states. So they just couldn't breathe right until they got over the lock. You have to understand how deep into southern slave territory Macon, Georgia is. It's about as deep as deep can get. It's about as deep as the matchbox guards in my ass already. Yeah, it's in there. It's in the colon. Surgical intervention. Yeah. Only way. So they are traveling, they're getting further and further north. They go from Savannah to Charleston

to finally they get to Wilmington, North Carolina, and a friendly conductor there who was on the train, on the steamboat actually helped Ellen, offering her better accommodations because of her broken arm. So they actually, they upgraded the kid into a suite. Even though she was a slave, they thought there was this southern white gentleman

with a broken arm, so they gave her a nice little suite. Or maybe it was a guy who was an undercover gay, who like, this is a nice little twink. Because you know she looked like a nice twink. She did. Yeah, to the gay community, like, you're going like, oh, this is a dude, but it's a twink. I mean, let's just call it what it is.

She probably looked exactly like Elliot Page. And it's just what it is, she was Elliot Page in a sling with a corset on, and make no mistake, that's what I like. Yeah! Yeah. It's probably what she looked like She was Elliot Page in a sling with a corset on and make no mistake, that's what I like. Yeah. Yeah. It's probably what she looked like.

Yeah. I mean, yeah. And so they actually did at one point get, they randomly, this was just so random, they saw one of Ellen, because Ellen was the quadroon slave, so she was in the house a lot. She was always dying. She was always waiting on her slave owner's guests. They actually saw one of the slave owner's friends on one of the trains, and she just had to make believe

like she was not the slave. And that's when he started trying to talk to her, and that's when she came up with the deaf stuff. And she pretended to be deaf and unwell, avoiding suspicion, so he was like, oh, you know, how are you? She's like, I get on to you and allwell avoiding suspicion. So he was like, oh, you know, how are you saying? Yeah, I mean they had a lot of close calls and just fucked up but what would you do I think I got it I think it was brilliant. I mean they solved every problem that they had they thought it out like, okay

We can't read or write we can't talk, you know So let's just do it this way. I'm deaf, I'm infirm, I got a broken arm, you're my slave. It's either you act like you're deaf or you're gonna have to suck your way up. Yeah, yeah. You're gonna have to start sucking.

Yeah. That's not it, you're just gonna have to see this guy and you're just gonna have to make, you're just gonna have to hope that he's gay and he's just gonna have to believe he's getting sucked off by another Southern gentleman. And that may happen. That may happen.

That's how Paul Revere got out of, you know the story of Paul Revere? He sucked off a guy? That's what I say. Paul Revere got caught, we're going to do an episode on Paul Revere, Paul Revere got caught by three British soldiers when he was doing his midnight ride. And he sucked them all off? And then all of a sudden, there's no history, the history just says Paul Revere was let go, and I'm like, how do you think he go? Right. The kid got down on his knees and started sucking for freedom. And the British soldiers just let him go and then he continued his ride. They would have killed that kid. Yeah, you could, you could really get out of any jam by offering a blow job. You got to offer it up. Always think of that. If you're kidnapped and be like, look, can I just suck you guys off? That's what it is.

Yeah. You know, you, you accidentally murder someone, drive a drunk, you just say that you're on it. Can I just suck you off? Can I suck you off? Cause a blowy just feels good. A blowy is, yeah. You accidentally murder someone, drive it drunk, you just say that you're on it, can I just suck you off? Can I suck you off? Because a blowie just feels good. A blowie is, yeah, I would rather take- Would you do blowies over sex?

That's exclusively what I do because guys don't have vaginas. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And you can't really just bang guys out. There's a whole prep. It's too much. There's a whole prep that comes with fucking checkups. But you catch a blow, no, the thing is,

I prefer blowies. I prefer blowies fucking J. But you catch a blow. No, the thing is, the thing is, I prefer blowies. I prefer blowies, yeah. Right, right, yeah. No, blowies real nice. Blowies real nice, you get it. So this story could have been called blowing your way to freedom. And I understand why the kid Marilyn Manson removed a rib.

Why? Because to blow himself. You never heard that story? No. Marilyn Manson removed his two lower ribs so he could give himself blow jobs. Is this a factor? Is this, I mean, Jesse, you've heard this, right? I'm not making this up. Yeah, I heard it. I don't know if it's true, but I heard it.

But it's, it's, it's, it is. And I get it. Yeah, I get it. Because I don't think Paul Revere blew three red coats. Well, cuz that's what this Smithsonian says. Yeah, that's what the Smithsonian says. And Charles Manson, that is in the music hall of fame. He removed the rib to blow himself. Not Charles Manson, Marilyn Manson. It would be funny if they say no Marilyn Manson did not have ribs removed. But it's funner to think he did. Yeah the rumor that he did is a well-known urban legend well I don't believe you. Yeah because the thing is everyone that listens to this episode really knows

what your group chats are like just by listening to the historical facts you rattle off. It's what it is. You just have a fun a funner view of history. Yeah, but that's why we're your history teachers and you should listen to us every week because we're just telling you somewhat the truth, but it's just fun. Yeah, it's just we we just spice it up. We put we put we're the condiment that goes on your history. Because history and truth are what you make it. Yeah, nobody knows. Nobody was actually there. So I'm going to give you a version of it. Yeah, that is just a little bit more fun. Nobody knows. It's just a little bit more fun and it's it. Yeah. Nobody knows. Nobody was actually there. So I'm just gonna give you a version of it. Yeah. That is just a little bit more fun. Nobody knows. It's just a little bit more fun and it's, it's okay. So here's the boring part, just to finish

the story. They get to Philadelphia, right? And I guess at that point they start eating cheesecake and steak. They start rooting for the Eagles. Uh, they start, uh, you know, maybe they, uh, pregame. They probably pregame. They got there. They got some Keystone, Nanny lights. Yeah. Yeah. They did, uh, you know, they did all your garbage. They were just doing all the Philly stuff. They just did that. They went out to Harrisburg to check out Shane and his family. They did what you did.

They did what you do. They went to Shane's show. Yeah, they went to Shane's show. And then the Slave Fugitive Act comes out. And that's bad news. That's a boo-boo if you're a runaway slave because now they can go into Northern territories and recoup you.

Really? Yeah. The Slave Fugitive Act, oh and recoup you. Really? Yeah. The Slave Fugitive Act, oh, of 1850, that's right, that's a piece of history people don't realize is there was a time during the Civil War if you could just get to Northern, if you can get to the Northern states, you were free. But in 1850, Fugitive Slave Act, they would let you, the Northern states would let the Southern slave owners in and get their slave back. Yeah, because what the South didn't account for is like they probably a lot of them were

starting to get away because they just were underestimating how fast blacks were. Yeah. Yeah. And so a lot of them started getting away and they're like, we got to change the legislation. Yeah, because I mean, you can't get these guys. It's not fair. Yeah, it's not fair. You got to enable us to come over to your side and get them because we just can't catch

them. The kids took off, but here's what the craft did that was smart. They went to England because England outlaws. See here's off but here's what the craft did that was smart they went to England. Yeah. Because England outlawed, see here's the problem when people, here's the issue. Here's the issue. Here's the issue in history. Yeah. Is people will say you'll get people nowadays that say well everyone had slaves back then it was just a different way of life you don't understand they really weren't racist and the issue is this is that England outlawed slavery about 150 years before the Americans did so that means there were people there for 150 years going, that's not okay.

Yeah, it's not okay. And we would just say, no, no, no, it is. We gotta pick cotton. Yeah. So we, there is a lot of truth to the South just being kind of animals with this and not, you know what I mean? The South just being pieces of shit and enslaving people.

Yeah, and even when they still really technically didn't need it because of the industrial revolution, they just still wanted it. They still wanted it. They still wanted it. They just wanted it. And I got to be honest with you, probably still in present day, they probably still just want it. They want it probably still.

It's what it is. I mean, I'm sure if you go to certain parts of Mississippi, they don't even know that it's stopped. Yeah, it's just what it is. Yeah, I think there's a lot of places in this country still that if you go to, they don't even probably have electricity and things like that. Yeah, they just don't. Yeah.

I mean, I've never been to Mississippi and I don't want to go. I never been to Arkansas and I don't want to go. There's some places just I don't want to go. Little Rock, Arkansas is cute though. You've been there? It's cute, yeah, because they got hot springs in there, natural hot springs. So I went there. What was it like? What was the vibe there like? It's like a little town. It's nice. It's state capital where the Clintons are from. So I, Bill Clinton, so I liked it. I thought it was cute. Yeah. I did like Little Rock. Do the blacks know they're free there? The blacks, you don't see many blacks down there. So I don't, but no, probably there aren't some

that don't even know. Because they all fucking got out of there. They got out of there because yeah, the last place you'd want to be is in the south if you're black. You know slavery had to be bad if they went to Chicago and stuck it out through that fucking winter. Winter, yeah.

And you're like, that's a lot better than where we were coming from. Yeah, yeah. That winter is fucking brutal, that cold cuts right through you. Yeah they're like, that's a lot better than where we were coming from. Because that winter is fucking brutal. That cold cuts right through you. Yeah, I mean, the... But if you're gonna go to Chicago, go to Chicago during the winter

because it's just too cold to shoot. So it's the safest time to go to Chicago. Yeah, because the bullets will freeze. And you were in a cute, cute hotel, the Chicago Athletic Association. It was cute. It was cute, you send me pics, it's cutie. It's cute.

So then they go to England and they have five kids. They have five kids so they get to England. They're free there. They're, you know, work. They are treated like, you know, first-class citizens, fellow human beings. And then so this is where they have five kids. They learn to read. They learn to write. And then they return to the U.S. after the Civil War. And what they did is they opened a school for freed African Americans in Georgia. So they actually, which is interesting, they actually went back to the scenes of their crime. They went back to Georgia, which is wild.

Yeah. I wouldn't go back there. Yeah. That just lets you know that they were like really committed to helping blacks. And they went back there. They founded these things to help blacks and they wanted to fight against slavery and help blacks. So they went back. They didn't forget about where they came from.

They went back and they reinvested in the hood. They, that's what you like to see it. You like to see that. You love to see it. They're like Pitbull. Yeah. The singer Pitbull, he likes to reinvest back in the hood. Yeah.

So that's what they did. And then they lived happily ever after, and their descendants moved on, and they- And they wrote a book. You must really love America if you live in England for 20 years free and then you come back back And by the way, I mean think about that journey. That's how great America is despite all its flaws The thing is here's what I'm saying. We're number one by a lot America We just are and you know, these are the countries that make believe that they're like even close to us. It's a little insulting.

Yeah. We're just number one by a lot. Number one by a lot. You can make something happen here, even a slave escape with a costume and changing your gender. Your dreams can come true. If you want to become, if you're a little black boy and you want to grow up and become like a Nazi, we can make that happen. No problem.

Yeah. It's anything you want to be in this country, your dream can come true. What do you want to do, babe? Yeah, what do you want to do? You want to be, what do you want to do? You want to be a black kid, become a Nazi? No problem, we got you. You want to be a boy and swim on the University of Penn women's team?

We got you. We got you. Take a swim, hon. You want to be a rich Jewish girl that grows up in like the suburbs and then goes and becomes a radical black professor at a university and change your name to La Bumba Yara yeah we got you we got you baby we got you you want to be a president of a local ND NAACP chapter but there's one problem you're the you were born in the whitest family possible yeah we gotcha we got it's possible whatever you want

to do yeah're here for you We are the United States of America and it's just you know I feel like a story like this is something that gets overlooked a lot in history when we should I mean listen Harry Tubman was Great. Yeah, but I mean they should have Ellen they should have Ellen Clark on the on a Ellen Clark, but yeah, what's your name craft Ellen craft? They should have Ellen craft Yeah, they should have Ellen craft on a dollar bill. Her name's not Ellen Clark, but yeah. What's your name? Craft. Ellen Craft, they should have Ellen Craft, they should have Ellen Craft on a dollar bill too, as the white man. That would be great.

That would be great. Yeah, don't have her as a woman, have her as the disguise. Yeah, the disguise, yeah. And say, cause then they let people go crazy, you're just gonna put another white man on the 20 dollar bill, you say no you piece of shit, that's Ellen Craft, that's a black woman dressed up as a white man. Yeah, that is a cross dresser right there. That's what that is folks. That would be very nice, yeah, anything you wanna do, you piece of shit. That's Ellen Kraft. That's a black woman dressed up as a white man. Yeah, that is a cross dresser right there.

That's what that is folks. That would be very nice. Yeah, anything you wanna do, you can be here. Okay. You can be here. Look at us. Yes. We're making our dreams come true.

If you're a white kid and you wanna grow up and be a black basketball player, Tyler Hero, you can do it. That's what it is. That on that $20 bill right there, that is a black woman dressed up like a white man. That's Jordan Carlos. That's it.

Yeah. Good friend of our show. good friend good friend out there shot out Jordan so they returned after the Civil War they opened that school and I assume they lived happily ever after and they had family barbecues and they made plates for their relatives yeah and they the mac and cheese and greens and all that stuff and they yummy yummy in my tummy greens and all that stuff. And they had this thing in their life. Yeah, they just had a good life and lived on from there. So it's a beautiful story. It's the wildest,

it's the wildest slave escape story, probably. I would say, I would say, yeah. I can't think of one as interesting as that. I mean, that's the one, I mean, obviously. They risked it all for love. They were mean obviously. They risked it all for love. They were in love. They risked it all for love. They're like Harry and Meghan.

Yeah. Very similar. Very in love like that. Risked it all for love. Yeah. Harry was willing to give up his title, royal title, to be in love with Meghan just as William was willing to give up possibly being killed just because he was

in love with his wife. Yeah. The same. They made it. They made it his wife. Yeah, and so they did it. They made it. They made it to Philadelphia. Yeah, that's where it is. Where they then later on died of a drug overdose in Kensington.

And that's just the story of how Philadelphia lives. That's just what it is. They got a little hooked on crank. Yeah. And you know, it's just what it is. They got arrested in Philadelphia just immediately. The kids were doing crank and it is nothing you can do. There's nothing you can do. That's what it is. They got arrested in Philadelphia just immediately. The kids were doing crank and there's nothing you can do. There's nothing you can do. That's what you say, fiend, the end of that story.

So shout out to all our black fans. We love you. Happy Black History Month. And we're glad slavery's over. We are glad. We're happy about that. We're glad slavery's over and we're glad that February is Black History Month and yeah, we just love it. We think it's a good month and happy birthday George Washington. Yeah, happy birthday George Washington.

It's just what it is. It's just what it is as well. Get out slaves and it's a good bit by the honest and it's a fucking great point. It's what happens. So now we're going to go read our Patreon names. We understand you guys may be a little upset about the length of them. We're doing a five minute max. Five minute max, but unfortunately we're way behind because thank you.

There's so many. I mean, we've got 14,000 people on the patreon.com slash history hyenas. And people go every week and then there's another thousand that joined. So we appreciate you guys going to patreon.com slash history hyenas. You know, obviously the funniest name wins PPW. We're only going to do this for five minutes. So, and then you can just, and then, and then we will have a great patron episode continuing at patreon.com yeah let me just say this

they always won't be this long we just have to catch up yes and then they'll be week by week and they'll be shorter so just just stop fucking complaining about everything yes stop fucking complaining yeah hey you sound like my fucking family yeah and go to ChristyComedy.com, Yannis PompisComedy.com, HistoryAniasIsBack.com all our stand-up dates my big one September 11th Madison Square Garden, New York City And also see me in Philadelphia. Yes, February 28th March 1st Where I will be celebrating my mark because I might just come to that come with me I might just come to that home

Are we sure just just come because even do a fucking live podcast I kind of do I kind of want I want to go there like William and Ellen Clark I want to go there and I'll just be the white woman and you'd be like, please. Let's do that. Can we do it and get on Amtrak that way? Yes. All right, fine, so I'll be there. All right, here we go.

Newest members of the Patreon, first up is V-Gone because her family found out she swallows more Marvys than Jeffrey Dahmer. Put her on the list. Are you sure? That's disparaging. I know, but you walked into one. All right, fine.

Yeah. Here we go. Peen butt of jizz, okay? I know but alright walk through the wine. Yeah, there we go peen Peen butt of jizz. Okay. You don't go to Valhalla you voted for Kamala Okay, oh you don't go to Valhalla if you voted for Kamala. Sorry about that was a bad read I apologize. Yeah Dom mega fume sauce monkey Puccino That's a Drexler he wins wins our sauce monkey award. And also double, double award. Then we got, is it still sex if my balls are in your butt? Yes, put it on the list, put it on the list.

That's inventive. That's inventive. Yep. Then we got, Jisalane Maxwell, somehow from prison, thank you. Thank you. The fountain of youth is a squirter. Chickenfinger, definition.

Then we got Factory. You're meaning they're blowing a lot of people? I walked into one, Bad. Oh, Bad. Bad. Oh, Bad. Bad, sorry, I didn't even get that one. Oh, Bad.

You didn't get it? I missed it. No, no, no, I can't even repeat. Well, he's very inventive, because he just said Factory. Yeah, and I walked into a bad. So that is not okay. Yeah Yeah, I it is funny though. These guys are figuring out inventive ways to yeah, and that is that is not okay. Yeah Daniel s Harry man Ricky Steinfeld

Justin roundtree Chodey p3 Wolfsburg, then we got send Christy to North Korea to make his Pyongyang. Matt McCuster. Oh thank you Matt, from Matt and Shane's YouTube Podcast. Then we got fuzzy wuzzy scuzzies take a back. Hold on. Fuzzy wuzzies, cussies. Oh this one I can't read. You walked into another one? Yep, walked into another one, can't do that. Just read it for the Patreon. Disparaging a family. Oh, oh, oh, okay yeah. Family one, I can't do it. I can't read. This one I can't read. You can't walk into another one? Yep, walked into another one, can't do that. Just read it for the Patreon. Disparaging a family. I wanna hear it. Oh, oh, oh, okay, yeah. It's a family one, I can't do it, I can't do it.

I legally actually, can't do it. Yeah. Then we got Manj Lapine, then we got the Shy Cuck Lou Vic, I'm here to spite fuck a eunuch, okay? Okay. Broland, Chrissy Glutz, Nantout, Kamala Kazi, no shoot. Yanni's Yamis, your ultimate frisbee supply store. Andrew Renfrew, Father Bill's krill spill drill. Cooper Lane, the voices are getting louder cuz.

Grant Pierce. The voices are getting louder is very funny. Chicken Finger. Chicken Finger. Joshua David Orr, Ryan Kemior, JR. Then we got Amsofa King, Wee Ta did, okay? Walked into one. Yeah, I walked into, oh yeah, I'm Sofa King, Wee Ta did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you walked into another one. Yeah, bad 14. Not okay, but funny. Yeah. Boo Boo 12, Anthony Donatelli, Pauzable, Pauzable, Clones, Drones, and Chine, a Chinese, oh, Clones, D, and chine? A chine? A chine, oh clones, drones, and chine. Drexler.

Drexler, okay. John Miller, G Pando, Joshua Roa, Daniel Santana, Michael D. Ballard, then we got Z14590, the master of bait, make no mistake, Jesus wore a frisbee, it's what it is. It was a Jew. It was a Jew, okay, not bad. I hate Drexler.

Make no mistake, I'm a frisbee, it's what it is. He was a Jew. He was a Jew, okay, not bad. Drexler. Make no mistake, I'm a honky cutie with the glue gun salutey who's never met a frisbee, okay? Kid must be from somewhere in the deep south. Yeah. Drew Slater, Emperor Skid Marcus, Hamreutus the first. Emperor Skid Marcus?

Emperor Skid Marcus, Hamreutius the first, like hemorrhoids. Yeah. Hamreutius the first. Emperor Skid Marcus? Emperor Skid Marcus, Hamroitus the first. Like hemorrhoids. Yeah. Drexler, good one. Here's to getting honor and coming honor. Okay. Okay. Girth Brooks. We had. Yep. Jonathan Castoranda, Alex Horshaw, Andres, then we got $3 Bill Clinton's love child, Triscuit Head, Dr. Senator, Real Republican Rusty Trombone Alone with Al Capone. I was just in Chicago. Alex P. Thick, but it's really not that thick. Robert Fish. Then we got David McDonald, Mike Roser, Juggernaut 614, Austin Funkhouser, Ryan William, Stephanie Novonte, Dog Pound, Come All Over My Back Harris.

That's actually a really good one. Not bad. Stephanie Novonti, Dog Pound, Come All Over My Back Harris. That's actually a really good one. Not bad. Yeah, that's a Drexler. Drake Henrya, Salvatore Manzella, they call me Mr. Spiffy Dick. Mr. Spiffy Dick's a chicken figure. Horn Pub, Scott Driggs, Evan Pierce, Zachary Palmer, Moe the Jeweler, San Antonio, Texas.

Screwed in. Screwed in. Screwed in. Babe Ruth Gator Himsberg. Funny. Big Mike's chunky, smells a little funky, but make no mistake, it makes my monkey until I go spunky. It moves my monkey until I go spunky.

Right, good one, good one, good one. Pick them up a bad read. Jammed up glue gun, but my girl lets me use hers. Put her on the list. List, there we go. Foot ass pussy licker. Sazika Somalia at UCF. Saziki Somalia at UCF is funny.

It's funny. Sund my glue gun and got John Cougar melon on camp. Got John Cougar melon man camp. Sorry. Shit pit Destroyer, Pol Potts Cock Snot Slingshot, Archduke Franz Ferdinand the OGFF. We should do an episode on him.

Let's do it. Franz Ferdinand. Yeah, Chubby Buggy Wants His Tubby, Lachy Lapis, A to our Hoof-Fooloo, sorry, Rod put your country in the microwave. Okay. Yep, Latina colonizer, Alexander Bellany, I'm not gay go Yankees, Princess Peace of Bay Ridge, Jeremiah H, Father Bill's defamation lawsuit, paying five5 so Chrissy doesn't kill himself.

Okay. Three, there's something wrong with Puerto Rican women. Okay, can't do that one. Yep. Walked into one. KS, Nasr Fata, ooh, you're a girl. What? Like, what is it?

Nosafir too? What's that director? Nosafir, he like, he's like, does like horror movies. Nas that director? Nosferatu, he does like horror movies? Nassferatu? Nassferatu, he goes Nassferatu, ooh, you're a girl. That's a good one. Good one, sorry. History higher than giraffe pussy Namin.

Big Black Hawk. Chad, German with brown eyes and hair hoping the Second Reich will finally accept me. Nicholas Gallegos. Hunter's mama giving quiet and slow to Big Mike Obama. Okay. Yanni steroids, Chrissy Hemroids. Your boy ain't no Leroy but my girl has no cream or sugar. Chrissy the German Queen

of Jew fumes, aw shits. Aw shits. Aw shits. Pretty good. Harley Sternberg, blippity boppity Ruey, booster seats for Squeaks LLC, see the world a different way. Uncle Sam's naughty wet market, Way Sean seen Chrissy plus Yanni P in the back of a Honda C TBG, Western Hemi Muzzy with a hairy hummus hose, quiet slow blow in my dojo Golden Steenberg, Trey Sullivan, Joseph Knapp, Alex Netsley,

all right, a few more and then we'll stop it before you guys get mad. He's got a list. Anxious Alt-Right Squeak with his Thummy Wummies, Genghis Kuz, Met the Wizard of Kuz and Put It in His Buzz, David Brown, Doug Knapp, Toby Whittle, Chris, it's your Garner, please pay my invoices. Funny.

funny. Aunt Jemima's chicken fried chooch. Okay, cooch sorry. Andrew Montague, Jeff Burns, sit across from me and pee in my chest no bidet. David McClure, uncircumcised peace in the Middle East versus the Frisbees, geez. Jeffrey Dahmer's cookout extravaganza. Vincenzo, the Sicilian sauce monkey who took PTO on January 6th, 2021, Crevello. Put him on the list. He's on the list. We got two sauce monkeys on the list.

Pay time off. Yep. Lada 14 in the streets, Budichedge in the sheets. Okay. Like that. Like that too. That's a Drex. That's like that. Tongue punching my uncle's fart box. Straight to the back like Rosa Parks. We, like that. Like that too. That's a Drax. That's like that. Tongue punching my uncle's fart box. Okay. Straight to the back like Rosa Parks. We've had that. Yeah. Nate Barnazzi. Put them on the list. Put them on the list. Contender. Yeah. That's a simple one. That's a good one. It's a chicken finger contender. That's a good one because what he's turning it to. Yeah. Oh god, that's good. Cracker with a snack or tallywacker.

Steven Salinas. Logjammer, bumper snorkel. Please free me I'm in ladder 14's basement. Giuseppe Cameron Cremont Kyle. Jeffrey Dahmer's Leroy Boc Choi. Okay. Drexler. Okay.

Jeffrey Dahmer. We had the best Jeffrey Dahmer. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not good. Don't do it. Okay Chinese gerbil paws Fuck you Chinese gerbil paws. Just give him a chicken finger for the yeah She cushioned okay, okay Girls saying he wants my girls butt on his face. Yeah do that. Yeah, Tushy cushion is funny. Okay Good as Fumari tree on the bicycle seat then we got Arnold Schwartz almost as good as Fumari tree on the bicycle seat. Then we got Arnold Schwartz. Walk into one. Walk into one. Walk into one.

Can't do that, not okay. Then we got fats. Then we got Baja Blast My Dong, Lemon Sucker Fucker. Okay. Chicken Picker. Chrissy D ruptured my stink whistle. Okay. James Young, Andrew Glaze, Nihar Ajahnik.

Then we got Cleaning Jew-ooms. Okay, Jew-ooms. I think you walked into one. I walked into one. Cleaning Jew-fumes. Jew-fumes, Jew-ooms, I don't know, can't do it. Pee-pee butthole. Jordan Marino.

Papa says if I win, I go free Chrissy D. Kenneth Pendergrast, Helen Duarte, SSD, Connor Wilkin, Matthew Park, Luke, and then last but not least, Chrissy D's Realtors Therapist, hashtag buy high sell low. Right, wow. Yeah, that's what it is. Okay, so, all right, so we got, not too many bangers, but we have, but sometimes this is good because

this is a good list. Yeah, it's a great list. All right, so here we go. So I'll read them from front to back. So we started off with, is V gone because her family found out she swallows more Marvys than Jeffrey Dahme? We're going to Drexler. That's out.

Yeah, we're going to Drexler. That's out. But fun, inventive, okay. Okay, but can't just manage the family. Yeah. Then we got, is it still sex if my balls are in your butt? We're gonna Drexler it. Okay.

Funny, Jesse likes it, we're gonna Drexler it. Jesse liked it, but we do have to Drexler that one. Yeah. Okay, any other day, guys. Any other day. Then we got jammed up glue gun, but my girl lets me use hers. Oh, it's a contender.

That's still in. Yeah, that's a contender. Oh, it's a contender. That's still in. Yeah, that's still in with you. Yeah, that's a contender. Then we have Vincenzo, the Sicilian sauce monkey who took PTO on January 6th, 2021 Crevello. He's in the game. He's still in the game. And then Nate Barnazzi.

Yeah, in the game. So we got three. Let's read them out. Yeah. Nate Barnazzi. Contender. Yeah, in the game. So we got three. Let's read them. Let's read them out. Yeah. Nate Barnazi contender Vincenzo the Sicilian sauce monkey who took PTO on January 6th, 2021 Crevello or jammed up glue gun. But my girl lets me use hers. Okay.

We got a lot of those. So I'm just sorry to you two guys or girls or whoever made those any other day you would have won. on this day it goes to Nate Barnazzi. Nate Barnazzi you are PPW go to history news is back. Thank you guys for playing the patreon episode starts right now.