History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Imperial Japan’s torture facility: Unit 731 was horrifying | History Hyenas

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

This is one of the most horrific hidden tales of human rights violations the modern world has ever known. Imperial Japan committed atrocities under the guise of research—masked by fake purposes—and got away with it scot-free because the Americans kept it secret and granted immunity to the perpetrators. Wait until you hear what they had planned for San Francisco if we hadn’t dropped the bomb and ended the war. This is a wild, wild episode with Freddy Feta Cheese and the Schnitzel Sniffer! #Comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://teespring.com/stores/historyhyenas Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No frills delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC Optimum Points on your first five orders. Shop now at nofrills.ca. Guys, we have got an excellent episode. We're going to be talking to you about Japanese Imperial Unit 731 from the World War II days. It is horrifying what we're about to tell you. These people maybe were worse than the Nazis. We're going to tell you about a general who was the Japanese equivalent of Adolf Hitler and is probably something you've never heard about and it gets gross. And we're also going to tell you about why the Americans all looked the other way. They turned the other cheek and they didn't let anyone know because they thought it was valuable information. It's what it is and of course patreon.com slash history hyenas has this unedited episode a day or two early for you and

everything that we've cackled out you can hear at patreon.com slash history hyenas plus a bunch of other bonus episodes and it is fun fun fun there. Yes you can watch it ad free and early and our bonus episodes like Chris said and you can catch me in Providence, Rhode Island June 11th and 12th Rosemont, Illinois August 8th and 9th and Tampa August 13th through the 16th and you could catch me at the Brea Improv July 18th The 9th in Brea, California and then you can catch me in Montreal July 26th Winnipeg July 25th and July 24th, Minneapolis, Minnesota

Winnipeg July 25th and July 24th Minneapolis Minnesota ChrisDcomedy.com for Tiki Wikis or History Hyenas is Back.com for all history hyenas related info. Enjoy this episode. Buckle up. It gets nasty. What's up everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. My nombre, mi nombre is Janis Papas aka Freddy Fettichese, otherwise known as Freddy. I'm sitting here with Chris DiStefano aka Chrissy Helhead, aka the Schnitzel Sniffer. It's what it is. And I appreciate that intro, and I appreciate you calling me the Schnitzel Sniffer. Thank you, Mr. Feddard. So today, we got a big one for you.

Today, we are going to tell you all about the Japanese Hitler, and we're going to talk to you about a little thing called Unit 731 you've probably never heard of and if I ever hear after this episode that it's only white people doing bad things again I'm gonna punch you right in your Japanese face. Yeah here is the situation folks Unit 731 is an under known if that's a word and lesser known. Lesser known and we're gonna tell you why it's lesser known. Lesser known, and we're going to tell you why it's lesser known, because the United States wanted it that way.

Yeah, they wanted it that way because they did some bad, bad, bad things. They did some boo-boos. They did some uh-uhs. They did some things that when you find out what they did, you're going to go, we should have dropped. Yeah. We should have dropped.

Here's the thing is you're going're gonna say as this episode goes on, you're gonna say, oh, this is just Asian people creating biological warfare and dropping on their citizens. What is this, another Tuesday? No, it's even worse because what they did, what the Japanese people did, what the Japanese people of the World War two era did to the Chinese people to their own citizens to even some United States and French citizens is gross and they did it for ten years yeah a lot longer than the Nazis a lot longer than the Nazis we like to call them the Nazis of the East the Nazis of the East and then we call them another word in the streets of the East we just got a little r we can't say. We just got a little riled up, we just got a little patriotic, we just got a little justice oriented, we were walking in the streets, you know when it's just Chrissy and Janice

walking we talk colloquially. It's just what it is and we were walking in a neighborhood also known as Bay Ridge where when we said that word of the East what happened is we just got free slices of pizza for saying it. Loud for you. the east what happened is is we just got free slices of pizza for saying it yeah I mean I might have I might or might not have referred to them as scream masks it's what it is now here's the thing here's the thing I want you to listen to this episode and I want you to listen good sister because the truth of the

matter is this my friends is that what the Japanese people uh what history will show you is that kind of the winners will tell you about the atrocities that they want you to know about but you got to dig a little deeper to find that there were atrocities happening all over the world but very specifically in Japan okay in the 1930s it's really really bad and we want to talk to you about a little guy named general shiro ishi the name general shiro ishi he is the hitler of the east he is the adolf hitler he's hitler of hitler shit on the floor yeah needless to say this episode what you're going to find is there was a time

period of ten years in japanese occupied manchuria and the surrounding areas where the Japanese, the Imperial Japanese, were what you call a little bit off the beam, off the Japanese. Here's the thing that you need to hear. Let's set the stage, shall we? So Japan is just in the 1930s, just a bit of an angry country because in World War I, they won. They were part of the good guys, they were part of the allies, but the allies didn't really split the profits with the Japanese. They kind of just looked at the Japanese as like, why don't you just go over there and get away from us? Because the world was racist back then. It's not anymore. The world was racist back then where kind of the white countries, European countries and the United States just

divided amongst each other and they left Japan out. So Japan said, we have this manifest destiny, we want this Japanese kingdom to be won. So they said, we're gonna start killing everybody around us, the Chinese, the Vietnamese, the Indonesians, we're gonna start killing everyone around us, and we're gonna start just taking over what we believe is rightfully ours.

And it's just the Japanese, what they are very, very, very, very, very big with back then and even still today is a little thing called nationalism and national pride but they take it a little bit too far they go it's a little more than your order yeah when you say we want you guys to love your country they said give us a extra cheeseburger with that combo meal it's a lot more than you need it's a little more than you need. It's a little more than anyone ever wanted. They took a combination of sort of the racial hierarchy of the time. Seemed like everyone was doing that then. I think we're the superior people. The Japanese viewed themselves as the superior screen masks. They said we're the best made. We're not made in China.

We're a high quality screen mask and we're better than all the other screen masks and they combine that with their samurai culture and the prize started coming on and they said we're going to go and start taking over this whole sphere. And we're not going to do it nicely. No, they're not going to do it nicely and here's the unfortunate part is, see here's the thing, here's the thing, um you know what what the only real difference between what we're about to tell you about unit 731 of the Japanese Imperial Army in the 1930s and 1940s the only real difference between them and

the German Nazis was just the amount of people was to scale Germany had access to more people and definitely did it at higher rates and killed more people but make absolutely no mistake the Japanese had the exact same intention we're looking the Japanese were looking at the Chinese the same way the Germans were looking at the Jews the Japanese just did it at a smaller scale because they ran out of time so if you want to look at it this way is the Japanese were more of a mom-and-pop shop of mass extermination and the Nazis were more like a Walmart. That's what it is. It's just what it is. Now set the stage, right? Japan is an island. It's isolated. It was led by a

strong sense of cultural superiority, especially towards, like we said, non-Japanese Asians. And after the 19th century, they began to rapidly industrialize and viewed themselves as the rightful leader of Asia. And- Asia, you put an R on that. Yeah, and culturally that, you know- Because you're acting like an Asia. Yeah.

They were racist towards the Chinese and the Koreans and everybody else. They just viewed themselves as top shelf asians yes and everybody else is jungle asian it's just what's what they looked at it just what it was and their general general shiro ishi uh was actually a military physician and the unfortunate thing is he was very skilled and he was very skilled in microbiology he understood microbiology he was actual an actual microbiologist. That's what he went to school for. He went to school in the United States for it. He went to school in Japan for it. And

then when he eventually becomes the leader of the Japanese army, it's not a good thing because this is like, if this is like Hitler, General Shiro Ishii was like Hitler if he had the knowledge of microbiology and used chopsticks to eat his food. Yeah, that's what it is. Kids were taught at the time to worship the emperor like she was the queen bee, like he was the queen bee. Right? The government, Imperial Japan, the government controlled the education, critical thought was suppressed. We're talking about a full on military state and a full-on dictatorship that grew out of World War I and now Japan wants to prove it's an equal to

the Western powers that have been exploiting that area for a long time and we set the stage for some of the biggest atrocities you are about to hear right now. Yeah! So first of all, yeah if we could just go up a little. And of course the Emperor was considered a divine being and he can fuck your wife. That's always comes along with it. I got a, I got a direct line of God and your wife needs to be fucked. It's just what it is. Bang her out. And if she's my tent, just like Gandhi. Yeah. It's just what it is. And scientists and soldiers, of course,

saw themselves as a divine tools on a divine mission. That's always part of the deal. So Unit 731 in Japan, which was actually titled officially the Epidemic Prevention and Water Purification Department of the Kuantung Army. It was Smith Town Water! Yes! Smith Town Water! Smith Town Water!

Officially, this is Smith Town Water Department. We're doing nothing wrong here, just purify water. Yeah, they were on the water. Officially, we need a Shwetown water department. We're doing nothing wrong here, just to purify the water. Yeah, they want to purify the water. So, this was established around 1935 by the Imperial Japanese Army. Um, or as my grandfather called it... Weasel!

And this is in Pingfang. Or is your grandfather called Pingfang? Yeah. So this was in a place called Manchuria, which was actually in Northeast China, but this is really a puppet state for Japan. So Japan had taken over this part of China and just started moving their citizens in. But the thing was they moved their Japanese citizens in and they Treated Chinese like second-class citizens

So the Japan had superiority and the Japanese were second class and this Chinese were second Chinese were second class heart It's hard. I don't blame you which is what it is I still to this day don't know how they knew what the hell was going on, but they figured out away Yeah, Schultz doesn't either. Yeah, it's what it is Really I really don't know. It's tough to tell the difference. It's tough to tell the difference. The only way you could tell the difference between Japanese and Chinese was after 1945 because... Some of them were cooked in a conventional oven. And some...

It's just how it goes. And it's, you know, obviously it's horrible. We're joking around. We're joking around, yeah. This is a comedy podcast, but we are actually seriously very angry at the 1930s Japanese. That I will not shy away from. If you want to look back at history and hate on everyone,

then you also have to, unfortunately, I know the Donnie's out there that think only white people did bad things. Unfortunately, you got to recognize that the Japanese did some pretty bad things too. I love when your group text bleeds into the episode. Yeah. I love that. Now we're just calling people that we think we're just now we've just created a term and we call people mom Donnie's. Look at these mom Donnie's over here.

Mom Donnie's. Yeah. Listen, I just want to say this before we go any further. The United States unequivocally was the good guy in World War I and World War II. I know that Qatar and all these other foreign interests pour millions of dollars into our education system for us to consider the other side of the story. But when you hear what we're about to tell you, you're gonna understand that we are the good guy. Even when it comes to war tribunals, the Hague, the Geneva Conventions and stuff like that, we were not doing what these other

sides, our adversaries, were doing. And obviously the deal that was cut, that we're gonna tell you about, that these Japanese generals and employees of Unit 731 cut with the Americans, they cut with the Americans because they knew that if they had to face the justice of the Soviets, the Soviets just hang you. The United States say,

give me your data, we'll look the other way. So that's what we're going to get to. So remember, so we're in, we are in Manchuria, we are in a city called Ping Fong, which my grandfather called Ping Pong. Ping Pong Manchuria, commander general Shiro Ishii, military physician, biological warfare. So what he says, what he's basically saying to his Japanese contemporaries is, is we're gonna have to eventually fight another big war with Russia because there was a Russo-Japanese war where actually the Japanese won. Yeah. So they are, but they are, make no mistake, they are scared. The Japanese are scared of Russia. Even some people say the reason why the, you know,

like we dropped the nuclear bomb on Japan was not necessarily like Japan was going to surrender because the Russians were invading they didn't care about the nuclear bomb from the United States they were scared of the Russians invading their country so that's why they were going to surrender and that's why we dropped the nuclear bomb to show the Russia we mean business so but anyway basically what he's saying is to his Japanese contemporaries is we're gonna have to fight another war with Russia business. So, but anyway, basically what he's saying is to his Japanese contemporaries is we're gonna have to fight another war with Russia and we're

not gonna be win it with soldiers and planes. Well how we're gonna win it is biological warfare. So allow me Emperor, I think it was, who was the Emperor at the time? Emperor Hiroto. Emperor Hiroto. So Emperor, the Emperor of Japan, he, um, he, and by the way, you could show me multiple pictures of emperors of Japan throughout the last 200 years. And I say, that's the same guy. Those guys live forever. And doesn't Japanese languages sound like you lift in boxes and you throw out your back? Yeah. So what the Emperor of Japan says, Japan says at that time is he said something we just couldn't understand. We can't understand it so he said basically I will give you the money, I will fund your projects because if you think biological warfare is a way we can

win let's do it. And then things just start to get real nasty and this unit called Unit 731 is the unit of their Japanese Imperial Army that is responsible for carrying out these biological weapons. So what they would do is they deliberately infected their people with the plague like the actual black plague. Not their people but Chinese occupying territories. And we are two minutes late so just keep going. Keep going. Go ahead. Yeah. So just tell us. So it was all secret. It was completely a cover. Nobody knew what was going on. Yeah, it was called the Water Purification Department or something. It was called the Epidemic Prevention and Water Purification Department of the Kwun

Tang Army. Yeah, but what they were doing was they were doing a bunch of boo-boo research. They were figuring out how to effectively kill people with biological warfare. They were running experiments on people. And one of the things they would do is they would drop like infected fleas on towns. Yes. And they did it. And the town, they dropped the plague, bubonic plague. So you have to understand like the bubonic plague, which is lost in history in the 1300s, they actually infected their own citizens, mostly the Chinese. Not their citizens, the Chinese. But some Japanese, so there is an instance where some Japanese soldiers, because they would infect these places and kind of like spray it over like they're crop dusting, they would spray cholera and typhoid and bubonic plague

all over these villages, but then the Japanese army would go in to inspect and then they would spray cholera and typhoid and bubonic plague all over these villages, but then the Japanese army would go in to inspect and then they would get sick and rather than trying to save them, Ishii was such a psychopath and a scientist that they would just also observe the Japanese because they would say, let's see how it affects superior people too. So that's what you have to understand. So they're basically saying you can't make General Tso's chicken without making a little sushi. It's what it is. A couple of sushi rolls. It's what it have to understand. They're basically saying you can't make general cells chicken without making a little sushi It's what it is a couple of sushi rolls. It's what it is They said let's just throw a little seaweed around that So the way they did it was they would drop ceramic or porcelain bombs filled with fleas infected with yersinia pestis

Which is the bacteria that causes bubonic plague and these they were dropped from airplanes onto towns and villages. The containers shattered on impact, releasing fleas into the environment where they could bite humans and animals, triggering plague outbreaks. And they did this on numerous towns, and they contaminated wells, food, and clothing with cholera, anthrax, dysentery, and typhoid. And the items were distributed in enemy-held areas or left behind during retreats, knowing civilians would use them. They'd spray from aircraft, spraying bacterial agents and aerosol forming. They used hairspray. Yeah, they would just spray it out over large areas, especially rivers and fields. Crops, water supplies and surfaces were thus contaminated

with these panthenogens. And here's to note, this was banned after World War I and the Geneva Convention. Yes. So Japan was secretly doing this. Yes. And they were completely doing it off the beam. They were doing it off the beam. And because here's the thing, first of all, yes, you're right. They use a lot of things that were used in hairspray. That's why people say my hair looks good today. I said, I got it done in ping-pong. So the reason why though, again, they were so angry at this geneva convention and it was the treaty of verse i is that what and the world when the japanese were so angry

because they really believe that they helped win that war and the world did not give them the allied powers to not give them what they thought they deserve so this is why they went on a backlash because basically what frustrated j is they they had supposedly proposed a clause for racial equality to be included in the League of Nations which was the thing that happened after World War one but the

US and Britain and Australia just opposed it they were like nope not gonna give you that and what Jack it was like you know when you go to a you go to a an amusement park yeah and they have you must be this tall to ride this ride Yeah, what they did is you must be this tall to join this league and the Japanese just they just couldn't make it. Yeah They're squeaks. They're usually squeaks Unfortunately, yeah, they're squeaks and unfortunately your penis has to be so big to join. It's what yeah It's just it's just what it is. It's just was it was at the time. That's what they thought so so Japan So Japan basically, you know is basically they're just on a warpath to take over China and all these Asian nations and they really don't care

They they you have to understand this resentment was growing for so many years After World War one for like 20 years after World War one into these 1930s and 40s, and they basically are blaming the Chinese. They're angry at, they basically are saying it was because of the Chinese, they weren't given more spoils of war, which is kind of just crazy and ludicrous, but that's what they thought. So that's why they actually, most Jap, not most,

a portion of the Japanese population at that time actually didn't consider Chinese people human. They just didn't, they considered them lab experiments or just other living things, but not actually human, which is wild. Yes, yes, they did. And this was, at the time, this was influenced by Western racial theories. So we had that going on in the West too, where the Aryan nation were superior. So they just believed that they were the rightful leader of Asia, just like the Germans believed they were the rightful leader of all of Europe. And China at the time was kind of weakened backwards, and they viewed China just as an

obstacle to their goal of controlling Asia. So after victories over China in 1895 and Russia in 1905. They grew confident and Japanese leadership felt emboldened and saw China as like an easy target, but also it's very resource-rich. So that always comes with the territory too. They never go anywhere, you never hear anyone going, we're gonna make a, we're gonna go to the Sahara Desert and take it over. No. It's always a fertile, nice-looking girl that's got natural minerals and resources. Yeah, it's like, what do you got for me, babe? Yeah, so it was worth colonizing.

And then they had the second Sino-Japanese war in 1937 to 1945. And this was the period that we're talking about where things just were a little one sided. If one people could dominate another more than this, show it to me. Because the Japanese dominated. Yeah. What's known is the rape and then came, but what's lesser known is what happened here. Yeah, and we're gonna get to that right after this break because we're gonna need to start the next section with the beamcast because things get real bad. Okay, so before we go any further, I do want to just say my friends, I just do want to tell you a couple of things.

I do want to say with the July 4th holiday happening tomorrow, I do want you guys to think about the idea of freedom. And I do want you to remember one thing. I do want you to remember this. Okay, while you're celebrating your freedom, I do want you to remember this, my friends, and I want you to take a deep breath and I want you to proclaim your rarity. Okay, I want you to proclaim your rarity. I want you to understand that the obstacle is the way

that there is obstacles to get over USMS challenges. And I wanna make sure that you understand this, that freedom is not just the presence of action, but is the absence of compulsion, my friends. So you go out there and you be free, but you say to yourself, the reason why I am free is not because I have been given freedom rights by the British 250 years ago.

That is nice and I do appreciate that. It is because I am not obsessed with compulsion. I am able to restrain myself, my friends. I'm able to say to myself, yes, I want to eat three extra hot dogs. Yes, I want to have sweets. Yes, I want to cheat on my wife. But I will not do those things because freedom is truly the absence of compulsion. And that is the main thing I think my friends to think about freedom. It is the presence of action. It is the absence of compulsion and that is the main thing I think my friends think about freedom. It is the presence of action. It is the absence

of compulsion and I want you to go right now and I want you to light those firecrackers and I want you to have a good time and I want you to resound in freedom and I want you to say I control my compulsions. They do not control me. That is an excellent beamcast my friends. Yes. That is brought to you by Chrissy Beams. Yes. Chrissy the beamwalker. Yes. Chrissy the Tightrope Beamwalker. Yeah. Chrissy the Acrobat. I'm the Beanstalker.

You're the... I am Chrissy the Beanstalker. Hahaha! Yes. Cous, are you gonna climb up my Beanstalker? Yeah, I'm gonna climb up your Beanstalker! I want my friends out there to climb up my Beanstalker. Hahaha!

That is Chrissy the Beanstalker. And this is, I just want you my friends from my Beam Cast, I want you to know my friends that I am Yanni the Yard Slinger and I want to sling some yard at you my friends. I want you to grab that ball of yard and I want you to pull from one side because we all eat and live from the same ball of yarn. I want you to remember we're all the same no matter what your friends tell you, no matter what history tells you.

We've done a lot of horrible things to each other, we've claimed superiority over each other, but at the end of the day, we're all fungus growing on a rock, and that's what we are. We're floating in nothing, and all you have to do is sit for one second and be in the present. I want you to impregnate yourself into the present. Go deep, balls deep into the present, my friends. Remember, the present is a gift, my friends. That's why it is called the present. And I want you to go balls deep. I want you to thrust all the way into the present, my friends. Remember, the present is a gift, my friends. It's a gift. That's why it is called the present. And I want you to go balls deep. I want you to thrust all the way into the present, my friends, where you can thus feel the divinity of the divine, my friends. Yes.

Yeah, don't go into your head. Your head is a bad neighborhood, my friends. Your head is, it's just an immigrant neighborhood. Yeah. And I want you to get safely back into the smooth sailing and the calm skies of Bayridge, Brooklyn, my friends. The friendly skies of Bayridge, Brooklyn in your mind, my friends, just naturally, you know what I'm talking about. You just want to go into a neighborhood in your mind where the rent's a little higher, most people own, and it tends to be a little bit more of something. Yeah, my friends, what I urge you, and this is not a political podcast and this is not,

this only applies to very, very specifically New York City, but my friends, if you would so kindly open up your apps and look at the Democratic voting polls, if you see that you are in a neighborhood or very near a neighborhood that voted strongly for Mamdani, I urge you, my friends, to move out. I urge you, my friends, to run for the hills because things might get a little bit off the beam for you, but you breathe through it as we've talked about before, the things that we can do.

We can control our efforts, not our outcomes, and this is what we do, my friends. Now, we are gonna continue to talk about the atrocity of Unit 731 and our Japanese, and the parts of Japanese history that they don't want you to know about, but we unfortunately do want you to know about. And what I like to do, though, is be unified. Be a unified front, because we are all,

at the end of the day, we're all human beings. We are all fungus on the rock, as you said, which General Shiro Ushi would use in chemical warfare. But that's what he would say. So what I would like to do is to just go through this together to kind of show solidarity because you don't want to just be negative. You want to have some positivity.

What I've done is while we're going to talk about Japanese history, we'll be doing it while eating edamame, one of the famous Japanese snacks and things that you can get. Also very low in saturated fat, very high in protein. And this is from our friends who are not a sponsor. It's called the Only Bean, but my company is called the Only Bean. And these are Sriracha flavored edamame beans.

So I would like to eat a few. Would you like to have a few, my friend? I'll have a few. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, a little Sriracha. Jesse, that's a lot. You gave me a lot. Yeah.

Yeah. They're absolutely delicious and this is one of the good things that the Japanese have given us is edamame sushi they've given us Ichiro they've given us a lot of good baseball players pitchers Matsui the Japanese of today is much like the Germany today very different that they're very much on the beam now. They're very much our allies. They love baseball.

They're great. And they only recently, I think it was 2018, started to admit some of this stuff publicly. The Germans apologized for it almost immediately, and they changed their ways. Other way, other way. But the Japanese only recently have said, yeah, this all happened. Right, and we're happy for the Japanese for acknowledging that, but we do want to talk to you,

talk you through some of the atrocities. Yeah, Charlie. So, Unit 731, as we said, they would test biological warfare, they would drop. But what they would do, one of the things that they would do is actually, because they had prisoner camps, which we'll tell you about those atrocities, but they would poison the food supply.

So they would put cholera and typhoid and other diseases into the food and let little kids eat it, let anyone who was going to eat it eat it and just see what it did to them in the hopes that they would spread it amongst each other and then spread it to the Chinese soldiers. Now in the camps, they would do vivisection. So what's a vivisection? Oh, this is bad. What's a vivisection?

Yes, well, a vivisection is... Let me just take a sip. A vivisection is a live dissection, so removing a limb or removing organs out of the body while the patient is fully awake without anesthesia, because they wanted to see what happened to the body when there was no anesthesia and when you were in extreme pain. And they wouldn't care if you lived or died. If you died, they would just bring the next body in and continue where they left off. And by the way, this wasn't just done for adults. They would do this on children too,

because they wanted to see what happened to children's bodies when you would live vivisection. So they would also rape women and intentionally infect them with syphilis and venereal diseases, and then give them a live dissection, which was called the vivisection, just to see what happened to the fetus. To the fetus, and they would kill the baby within moments after that,

because they really didn't care about the baby. Yeah, and you gotta say, in some ways, the Japanese always like eating their food raw. They like killing things raw. I do, yeah. And so, you know, they were just making human sushi. So it's just what it is. That's what they, it's the way they.

So they would also, one of these studies that I read about, which was truly, I'm gonna use the word abhorrent, it's just a big word that I just learned the other day. So is they took a 10-year girl, a 10 year old Chinese girl, and they put her arms in freezing cold water and let them get frostbitten. And then what they did is it hardened to a piece of wood. So what they took, they took one arm, you know, was fully frostbitten. So black, whatever, just made her stay in there for days. And then they tried to

see what happened. If they broke it, would it break off like a shattered glass? And so that didn't work. So then they did the other arm. They said, maybe we can reverse the frostbite. And they poured scalding hot water on her arms. And of course, she died in the experiment from the pain. And it just makes me really, really, really, really, really, really, really just angry at the Japanese for doing that

because I guess you feel it a little bit more when you think back when you're like, oh, I have a 10-year-old daughter. So it's like, if you did that to my daughter, unfortunately, I'd have to behead you and your whole family. And what it is, I just take a big shit on your flag. Yeah, that's what we do. This is a good time to tell you that if we hadn't dropped, which I didn't know before we did research for this, if we

wouldn't have dropped the nuke in Japan, they were planning on doing this to San Francisco. That I didn't know. They were planning on dropping the bubonic plague on San Francisco, and of course that would have wiped a lot of people out. They were going to drop the bubonic plague on San Fran? They were going to do what they were doing in China, and they were going to do it in San Francisco. They had plans to drop the bubonic plague on San Fran? They were going to do what they were doing in China and they were going to do it in San Francisco. They had plans to execute that. Right. So that's what they were doing. Do you think maybe we don't even realize

though that they did drop some chemical warfare? Do you think they dropped gay on San Fran? Well, if you look at the effect, very possible. Just kidding. Because the cause has never really been isolated and identified. Never been identified. They might have dropped gay on San Fran and parts of New York City. And they might have dropped it on our households and we got nicked. Yeah, I mean, it may be why is it spreading so much. It could be.

It's crazy to know that they were so into this. This was banned. So this was totally like the Geneva Convention after World War I. This is how humans never learn, dude. Geneva Convention after World War I was brutal. Biological warfare was just, people had to wear masks and shit.

They were just, and we were like, after World War I, we were like, dudes. We all got together and everyone was like, dudes. We can't do that again, dude. And the Japanese were like, I'll see you can't do that again, and I'll do that again. Well, so because here's the thing. So what they would do is, you know, they would test their effects. They had a name for their human subjects, and they would call them maruta. Which means logs.

It just means that they looked at the people as just wood. As just wood and logs. So again, when you want to, when you have your, you know, teenage child So again, when you want to, when you have your teenage child telling you that the United States is this awful corporate greed power and that we were actually the villains in wars and we're the worst country ever, we didn't do that. No. Okay? Never, not once in history has that been uncovered. And can you imagine if we didn't stop this, right?

So people always go, they go by the numbers. Oh, look at how we firebombed Dresden. Yes, we killed, I think more people died in Dresden than they did in Hiroshima, Nagasaki. But you have to stop it somehow. Yeah. You have to stop it somehow. You can't ask, you can't say,

hey guys, can you please stop that? No. That doesn't work. No. You can't kill a few guys and say, we killed a few guys, will you stop yeah sometimes you got to use overwhelming force right and you have it's a war of philosophies yeah you got the West that has freedom individual rights rule of law blah blah blah and then you got military

dictatorships in Nazi Germany and in fucking Japan and I'm sick of this fucking Hitler thing in the Jew thing hey what he didn't only kill Jews no he didn't only kill Jews he killed my people too you killed okay you that's what you killed my people too it killed a lot of homosexuals I mean these are military dictatorships they don't stop by you asking them not to do it anymore no they just so you're gonna have to do things to stop them. Now, one of the other things they would do is they would tie prisoners of war,

and by the way, the prisoners of war that they had at the time, Soviets, Koreans, Mongolians, and even a few United States and French citizens, allied POWs, so that's why it was interesting that the United States will tell you what they did later on, but why they decided not to just go full force even harder on the Japanese and make

them admit these crimes. But what they would do is they would tie them to poles, like out in a field, and they would drop bombs filled with whatever type of chemical agent they had and just let them sit there and see what happened while they were tied to the poles. They would also do another thing, a little cute thing that they would do, is they would take flamethrowers, have a soldier tied to a pole, take a flamethrower, and then hit them with the flame, their bare skin and with clothes, because they want to see if there was a difference. If there was any difference between putting the flame

on your actual skin or if the clothes made a difference. So it's just what it was. That's just what they did. Now you gotta remember the Japanese did not have penicillin and they did not use any type of Numbing agents. Yeah, the things that Japanese didn't have they didn't have numbing agents They didn't have penicillin and they didn't have souls or hearts They just did those are the things that they just didn't have they didn't have those they were without that They were without those things. They did not have that and that's what they did the Japanese. I'm I dare I say the Japanese

being run by the Department of environmental Smittown water protection I would say they might have been the most off the beam of anyone of World War two I mean, it's hard to say but you definitely want to give either the gold and silver to I'm gonna get there's a toss-up. It is right. I mean when you go back we're re-examining all this history. I mean Nazis Awesome. It is, right? I mean, when you go back, we're re-examining all this history. I mean, Nazis, Imperial Japan, it's definitely a gold-silver-metal situation. Right, right. I mean, it really is.

It's neck and neck. It's neck and neck. Again, no comparison. The Germans certainly have the numbers. Yes. They killed much more people and they mass exterminated many more people can't deny that the estimated death toll in japan was twelve thousand however a lot of people do think that numbers way way more because when we you know when the ally powers new japan when japan formally surrendered at the end of night in the middle of nineteen forty five

they destroyed all their records of the germans didn't do that so we have german records and videos they made videos to Japanese made videos to show to the emperors, but they destroyed almost all of that. So there is no actual proof of the real number because what they would do is they would cremate, like a hundred percent of these victims got cremated. So there is no way to know. They said 12,000 and you have to take their word, but it's what it yeah I don't know usually Asians are good at math, but here's the deal right they did this for ten years with impunity on an occupied area They had all the Chinese at their disposal to do this to we have no idea and yeah once it started to become

Evident to them that the Allied forces were going to win the war They knew that this would not look good. And so they destroyed all the evidence because they knew it would be bad, bad, bad, and we would go shame, shame, shame. So they got rid of everything. We found out about it. Douglick Smith Arthur, who was the American general in charge of that theater war, found out about it. And he ran it up the flagpole and he said, what are we going to do? There's some crimes against humanity here. And then there was a, we were doing something similar. Now here's the deal, right? People go, Oh, America's bad too. Yeah, we did MK ultra. We did that stuff,

not excusing us, but not as bad. We weren't cut. We weren't fucking cutting people up when they were alive. We were giving them LSD to see if we could control their mind. So, okay, a couple of hippies in fucking the valley lost their minds. Bad. It was bad. But it's not as bad as cutting people up or raping them with venereal diseases or dropping biological weapons on full towns to see what happens. They would test certain types of guns and weapons at close range, fixed bayonets, certain

types of bullets, tying prisoners of war to poles, and testing them at different ranges, mostly 99% Chinese citizens. It didn't matter, woman, child, man, they killed them all. Again, they viewed these people as logs, not maruta. They called them wood. What happened is- Which is what I know some of you guys have listening to this episode cuz you're sick fuck Yeah, you are saying you're off the beam and you have leaky roofs. You got a leaky roof my friend And I'm sorry for cursing. I promised I wouldn't but that was the first f-bomb. I've dropped in a while Oh, is that the new thing? No cursing? Yeah. Well, I've been if you've noticed I've been not cursing

I've been not been dropping F's. Well, okay, if you don't consider slurs, curses, I get it. Yeah, that's just, well, yeah, those are not considered slurs. Those are just considered Ridgewood hellos. Way some she ain't. So, Douglas MacArthur was the Supreme Commander of the Allied Powers in post-war Japan, and proved the deal that granted immunity. So check this out, the Americans,

now this is what we did was a little off the beam, but was it? I don't know. Right. You know, this is real politic here, right? So they granted immunity to Unit 731, so they knew about it. They granted immunity to the members in exchange for their research. Right. So we were like, we could have never done this research because we have morals and souls. Right. But since you did it, we're curious to find out what you came up with. What it is, what are the numbers? What are the numbers? And let's tell them about the research right after this break. So General Charles E. Lux, I think his name is Lux.

Okay. Yeah. General Charles E. Lux reviewed and supported the use of the data for US purposes. So you're going, who's that guy? Well, that guy was a major general and he was a senior officer in the US Army, Ichiri, he ended up living a life under our protection like he was in the fucking witness protection program and he ended up converting to Catholicism. Well that's the thing, you think General Shiro Ushi, you think he's going to go out like Hitler, kill himself allegedly and then go move to Argentina and live a life. No, General Shiro Ushi, like you said, is giving pretty much diplomatic immunity because the U.S. is saying your stuff yielded results. We got the data from the live testing of the plague and the anthrax. We see now how disease spreads and weapon effectiveness and human tolerance to torture. So they said, listen, because you gave us this data, US military intelligence officers, as you said, MacArthur,

said, all right, you go that way. We got the data. No harm, even though there was foul. You can just go live the rest of your days. He wound up dying of throat cancer in the 60s. Because what it is, kids couldn't stop eating puss. But it's one of those things where, here's the thing what Tampa Tony told me when I was little,

and this is a real life-saving piece of advice. He said, you will start to enjoy life more when you understand life isn't fair, because the real world is not the movies. Things don't always work out. The bad guys sometimes just do live happily ever after, and it's something you've just got to suck up and just stick in your pipe and smoke it. Yeah the US feared the Soviets

might acquire the same data. So that's why. So they cut a secret deal. This is why. Yeah and we took it and um. Because people couldn't understand why would the United States aid in this covert but as the honest said that's the reason why. And the Soviets were off the beam. I mean I would give the bronze medal to Stalin because he starved most of his people and his ideology, which we call a Mondani now. And people say, oh, he's not a communist, but I just watched a 2021 interview with him where he said, once we seize the modes of production, and that is communist. That's what we call a communist slogan. And that came out of his mouth and I watched it, but I'm sure I'll be gaslit and they'll say, oh, he doesn't mean that.

Whatever it is, it is. Whatever you say. I refer to the t-shirt that I saw last week of a man wearing it said, Mom, Donnie, I'm Hungani. So Ishi lived the rest of his life, like I said, American protection, quietly and comfortably in Japan, avoiding media and any legal scrutiny. He worked for the U.S. military after that in a consulting capacity. Like he said, he died in 67 and he never faced trial. And him along with, I think it was 731

other members of Unit 731 with high command were all granted all acquitted and we just kept the whole thing quiet where they you know they they tried the rape of Nan King people died for that people went to jail for that but unit 731 completely 100% omitted yeah they a lot of the in the rape and then King they had the Tokyo war the Tokyo war crimes tribunal and a lot of got that of course the nazis ron burgh we know about that but these guys got away scott free because uh... they uh... had unique interesting research and as the general i mentioned

who uh... was uh... was his name again where was one the american general he's a there you know the other one who yeah oxenberg he goes goes, this was invaluable research, and we got it pretty cheap. Yeah, that's just what it is. So we got it pretty cheap. So that is the story of the horrors that happened.

And it's just, I want to emphasize that point. Yeah, we did a lot of bad stuff. But ultimately, if you pull back helicopter view right you go was this uh evil what was this a society that was evil right and you kind of look back and you go I think so you look back at the Germans you go what's the end result of that if that continued right right there okay so we did a lot of damage we dropped the Duke and we always get played by people you know but it's like what if that if that continued? Right. Right? Okay, so we did a lot of damage, we dropped the nuke, and we always get blamed. Right.

But it's like, what if that would have continued? The thing that scares me the most about this is like, our brains have not really evolved at all. Not one thing in the past 70 years. So the brains that we currently have were the brains that these people had and they decided to do that. Yeah. Which is kind of just nuts. And I love when they say like, oh you know, like just let's take Iran for example, right? It's a dictatorship, right? Or you take a Russia for example, it's a dictatorship, right? And you go, oh they're

not doing anything bad. It's because you don't know about it, because they don't let anyone tell you about what they're doing. Right. Now Israel does the same thing. They don't let reporters in Gaza or whatever. They don the similar thing. But at least we know that they're doing that because they say no reporters in there. These guys you can't even get into. What do you think the North Korean dictatorship is doing to its people? We don't know. But it can't be good because dictatorships are always bad. Name me one good dictator. Who's ever been a good one? I mean, well, I got different feelings than you. Who do you like? Who's your favorite dictator? Um, maybe Queen Elizabeth, but she was a chick. Well, no, I was gonna say my

favorite one is a guy who lived out his last... This part's on the Patreon $25 level. I don't want you to speak honestly My favorite dictator is probably the man who lived his later years his twilight year Just it's a bad system so my friends I am not worried in America no matter what happens Everyone gets all up in arms, but oh Trump or Mondami I'm not worried as long as our system holds right term limits Separation of powers three branches of government rule of law Common law individual rights as long as that holds will be if it doesn't work. Hey Mondami gets in Let's say give him four years He'll probably ruin it because I'm from New York not like most of the people who voted for him who came here and can't find a job because they got a liberal arts degree and they don't know what to do and robots are coming and they don't know how to do math.

That's not my problem, right? But let him in for four years. Maybe it'll, we do have too much of a separation between the lower and maybe that'll work right, but this fucking pickleball game between retards Let it happen as long as we can come back to the middle sometime as long as the system holds once you start seeing Dictatorship things start to happen. That's when you got to get another passport. That's when Jesse's going back to Israel got a right to return Yes, the only one who's got a fucking right to return I gotta go through paperwork and say my mother was born in in Greece, whatever, and you got nowhere to go. I got nowhere to go, because I got one thing and one thing only, and that's a New York passport.

So tell us what we got right. Tell us what we got wrong about Unit 731. It's an atrocious, atrocious, atrocious part of history that is real, that it's getting some more light now. There's a couple of good documentaries on it. The one that I watched that was really awesome is the one that's exactly one hour long. I think it has the kid's name in it, Shiro Ishii.

General Shiro Ishii and then Unit 731 documentary, but it's let us know what you like. And of course, every episode, patreon.com slash history hyenas, we read out the newest members of the matriarchy. And this is the fun part. So what we like to do is we fun part so we like to do is a wash away a little bit this Japanese history a little bit this bad stuff and now we'll just have some fun with the newest members of the matriarchy and we hope that the whoever

wins congratulations to you you know what I just thought yeah after this episode we're gonna get some horrible walked into once about this. It's what it is. It's what it is. So welcome to the matriarchy. Sorry, A-Y-G, but I'm G-A-Y, bad, bad, bad. So it said, sorry, RU garbage. Yeah. OK. I'm going to direct to that. That's a fun one.

That's a fun one. Vic Boss, K-Dawg, Chrissy Rosenblatt. Then we got, why are the Vatican school meals always cream-based? Put them on the list. OK? Put them on the list. Okay, there she is. Put them on the list. Oh, interesting.

Very inventive. Then we got I love fixing up trannies, I ain't no mechanic. Put them on the list. Well, back to back listies. Then we got St. Mathias' throat boxing academy. Put them on the list. Okay, I guess that's the school I went to. Wow, have we ever had three back to back to backs?

I don't think so. Then we got Muhammad, my foreskin didn't stand a chance. Rashad. We gotta put him on the list! I mean, this is not, I can't, yeah. Then we got Franks and Beaners are crossing the border. Yeah. We've had, I'm gonna Drexler because we've had Frank Sinbiners

before but a very good so we've had four in a row Mark K AGF 2 FFY info wars Connor Murtha then we got filthy sauce bucket built like Kirby Puckett but make no mistake we'll suck it for a trip to Nantucket put them on the list dare I say catapult wow holy shit I've never seen this happen. This is incredible. Then we got Valhalla for Allah. It's just what it is from 2020. If he just said Valhalla for Allah, so I'm going to Drexler, but I mean, this is the strongest list we've ever had. Is he a Norwegian Muslim kid? Valhalla for Allah. Then we got Jacob Burt, Deep State Daddy, Devastating Desert Dictators. I'm going to, wow, that's a good one. Deep State Daddy, Devastating Desert Dictators. I'm gonna, wow, that's a good one.

Deep State Daddy. Deep State Daddy, Devastating Desert Dictators. All these. All these, very funny, and it's going to be Drexler. Yeah. Okay. Then we got My Wife Left Me What It Is. They're slipping them past you guys.

Unfortunately, yeah. Unfortunately, yeah. Okay, yep. Then, yeah. Okay. Then we got slapping pregnant gypsies. That's not okay. It's not okay to walk into one. John Stanley, Alex Drake, pepperoni wheel piece. He said his piece is a pepperoni wheel.

It's a Drexler. Kenneth Weaver. Then we got 21 piece gun salute for Christina Formella. The one, the teacher who's a piece. That's a piece, we're gonna Drexler it. Yeah, she's just gonna do 30 years in prison, it's what it is. It's just not right, we gotta free her.

You know how they did a free Mamdoul, what was his name in Philadelphia? Yeah, we gotta free her. Christina Formella, free her up. Free Christina Formella. Then we got, I saved Paulie Gassie at the sound factory. I guess the kid almost had a drug overdose at the sound factory, and he said he saved him. Dare I say, I saved Paulie Gassi at the Sound Factory. I guess the kid almost had a drug overdose at the Sound Factory, and he said he saved

him. Dare I say, I think this is the strongest list we've ever had in history. But did they make it though, or they haven't made it? That's a direct start. That's a direct start, yeah. Then we got, Jawan like Howard, dad knows ball. Jawan like Howard, Jawan Howard, the basketball player, okay. Jawan Howard, yeah.

Trey, then we got, where was Zach Isis on October 7th? That's a good question. That's actually a legitimate question. That's a good question, yeah. Then we got, I'm a little teapot shortth? That's a good question. That's actually a legitimate question. That's a good question. Yeah. Then we got, I'm a little teapot, short and stout, crack me open and clean me out. I feel like we've had that. We've had, but that's still a good one.

I'm going to Drexler it because it's good. Then we got, jealous Caesar and Anthony hit that sand pussy. We some shit. Walked into it. That's a borderline though. Okay. I'm going to Drexler it. That's not so much a borderline though. Okay. I'm gonna Drexler it. That's not so much a walked into one.

Then we got Matt, then we got Glenn Greenwald's Bunyan removal server. Liss. Oh god. Holy shit. Then we got Flick Your Beans, Not the Franks. Then we got Fumarian Brotherhood, AKSS, AK Squeak Sniffer. That's very good. Very good.

But it's a Drexler though. He walked around and walked into one, which I've never seen. Nice. Yeah. No Muff Too Tough. Eastern Heminuclear Scientist, Shoe That Was Close. Okay. Okay.

Chrissy, okay. Chrissy, oh, oh, this, I can't say this one. Okay. Okay. Chrissy. Okay. Chrissy. Oh, oh, this can't say this one. Okay. Okay. That's just barging family. Yeah. Disparaging family. Can't say um, no more anything to do with bicycle seats. Yeah. We just can't do that. Can't do it. Uh, Michael, then we got Yanni's honeydew X-ray piece. Okay. Juneteenth queen, melanin Monroe, Michael Santana climbing up the ladder. Wait a second, wait a second.

We just skipped over a goodie. Melanin Monroe, Juneteenth Queen, Melanin Monroe. Melanin Monroe. That's very good. It's just because the list is so strong, but otherwise. It was a good one. Acknowledge him. I'm gonna chicken finger that one.

That's a very good one. Climbing up the ladder, hear something splatter. Okay, kid had diarrhea while he's what it is do his firefighting Brian Pollard Savannah Chrissy sweets until they remove his Chrissy feets Drexler I like that freaky squeak on a leash Crushing crease with a decent piece Lucid M Ned Dickey D one1 One Man, Brian Ailing, Kyle Anderson,

Vinegar Heart R. You walked in a while Chris. Yeah I can't do that. Chrissy's uvula is the backboard, my cock is Tim Duncan. We've had that. But it's funny. We actually had that exact same one I believe. Right. Yeah. In a different way. Yeah. Fat fat Polynesian potato monkey What is it yeah scooter McGavin Nick wrong piece so uncut I think they got you a Nick wrong or no No, Nick wrong. No, no, no Piece so uncut it looks like David Duke Louis gay Gomez Neil deGrasse Tyson. Oh, welcome to show Neil deGrasse. We had him as a guest on the show.

Yeah, Otani Bukakis in Mommy's Tummy, Matthew Gordon. Plus N, can't say that. Walked into one, sorry about that. No, sorry about that. That is not good. Yep, UCF alum pumping AIDS glue in your bum, hashtag surrender like Bono. Okay, super granny fanny licking frisbee alidotius.

Okay, super, it says super fralcadous. Super grand. Good one, good one. That one girl, frisbees killing Sandra B's for the honey land. Just just he's commentating, he's commentating on the situation. Yeah. just just he's a commentating he's commentating on the situation yeah Ricardo Papadoulas, Sahar Bluechew made my glue blue, Hugh Jean, Amen endless glue for my Eastern Hemi piece, I knew I was in a LeRoy town when everything but the sunscreen was locked up. Put them on the list. Get the catapult and put them on the list.

Put them on the list. It's a home run. Put them on the list. Jesus Christ, the toughest one. Bobby the Throat Goat, Kennedy's Angry Voice Box, Leah W.H., Cameron A., The Brooklyn Nets Turned Me Muzzy, Now My Bush Is Looking Fuzzy. Can I I just say do we stop here because we have so let me just finish this page finish this page Okay, it's not fair at this point pops getting to and while Chrissy plays hummus cannon Hyenas eat free on Tuesdays, but you need to check your glue guns at the door. Don't want an oopsie daisy Uh-huh, Cory bleacher Jack's cuddly Chrissy DSD cracked open a muzzy and the fumes gave me 9-11 flashbacks. Laughter. Loud 14.

What do we do? It's a Drexler walked into one slash. Yeah. Okay. Opening for Tim Dillon, but there's no audience. Okay. Oh, God. That's so good. Yeah.

That's another one. Oh, you got to list it because yeah, Tim Dill is about to bang this kid out God Trevor G then we got sis buster dill call me CBD Chrissy D's glue gun smells like Yanni's poo bun Okay, sniffing AOC's bush brush for fumes sniffing AOC's Bush Brush for fumes. Bush Brush. I'm crying. Then we got, I was an altar boy and was,

I was an altar boy and boy was I altered. It's too good. It's, put them on. What do I do? But that's the thing, that's why we gotta stop, cause it's like too, it's, I'm gonna Drexler it because. Okay. But it's just, this is, but you gotta play that,

you know, if you're in the league, this is what Drexler is. Drexler couldn't pick, Drexler couldn't say, I don't wanna play now. We're reading, we gotta read two pages. Those are rules. Any other day, guys, I'll say any other day. The thing is, if you got a great name and you don't make it,

you could change your name, right? Or they can't change their name. We just don't see it. Yeah, that's the problem. All right. Richie, Mitchell Bain, then we got sticking batteries up my ass, cause I'm fully charged. Put them's the problem. Yeah. Yeah. All right Richie Mitchell Bain then we got sticking batteries up my ass cuz I'm fully charged put them on the list Okay, see there you go. Yeah, and put the other guy in the list to honorary I mean, he's not fine put him on the list to put the unaltered guy on it

Yeah, got him Mike Marino Preston glad Tom Montgomery Holly doke piece greased for a frisbee feast ed Pollock pole polisher Molly Doak, Peace Grease for a Frisbee Feast, Ed Polak Pole Polisher. That's a good way to call yourself a Polish gay guy. That's what it is. Brendan Foster, Thomas Greenman, Tyler the Shaman, Germanada Sauce Monkey has a long, thick and chunky. Germanada, Stephanie Germanada. Yep.

Ivan Pena, Rosalie Rivera, Salty, Chrissy Bus, Kronoside, Stephen H, Mad Hag, David Daly, Peter Klembsk, Luke Madison, Yanni's Führer Fume Chamber, 50% Coco, 100% Clan Curious, Darren Brand, Oscar Pacheco, and then last but not least, currently blowing a turd out the back door and breathing in the pupe fumes like a frisbee head in 1943. It's a walk in one. It's a walk in one. It's a walk in one.

Yeah, it's not good, right? Yeah. It's inventive though. Yeah, so we gotta stop there, right? We gotta stop there. We gotta stop there. This is gonna be the toughest one. This is the best.

I will declare this the best list we've ever had. All right, here we go. Either Reich. This might take us a few minutes to get through. Yes. So here we go. So let me just read them all out and then we'll take it from there. Okay. Why are the Vatican school meals always cream based? Okay, I can direct to that right away.

Okay. Yeah. All right. Any other day. I love fixing up trannies. I ain't no mechanic. Very good. I can direct to that right away. Okay. St. Matthias's throat boxing academy. We're going to keep that for now, yeah Muhammad my foreskin didn't stand a chance Rashad We're gonna direct to that any other day for any of these guys. Okay, you're all winners Filthy sauce bucket built like Kirby Puckett. Make no mistake. We'll suck it for a trip to Nantucket Good I'm trying to okay rhymes. She it just, this is the definition of the game. I know what we have coming.

Okay. Yeah. All right, so. All winners. Glenn Greenwald's Bunion Removal Service. We're gonna have to keep that for now. We're gonna have to keep that. Okay, so keeping that one. All right, and then we got, I knew I was in a Leroy town

when everything but the sunscreen was locked up. You're gonna have to keep that. It's what it is. Yeah. Opening for Tim Dillon, but there's no audience. We're gonna chicken finger that one. Okay.

But you're a winner. I was an altar boy and boy was I altered. We're gonna chicken finger that. You're a winner. Then we got sticking batteries up my ass because I'm fully charged. That is ordinarily a chicken finger winner. I'm going to have to chicken finger it. All right.

So the ones remaining. God damn it. I hate doing this. So here's what we have remaining. We have three and this is one of the toughest lists we've ever had to get through, but we do have three. We have the St. Mathias throat boxing academy. We have Glenn Greenwald's Bunion removal service and we have, I knew I Was in the Leroy Town When Everything But the Sunscreen was Locked Up.

We do this right every time except when we miss one and one goes over our heads. Shout out Leroy's Ceiling Cricket. But we're going to get rid of the first one. St. Matthias' Throat Boxing Academy. Any other day. That's paying homage to the grammar school that I went to. That's exactly right. In Ridgewood, Queens. So big fan who's been listening a long time, came up with a funny one, and also gotta give him credit because there's been a lot of angles on that. Yep. And this guy, that's a funny one.

He found something new. It's like when a comedian finds that Asians are bad drivers angle. Yeah, exactly. Very good. Exactly. But we got two Hall of Fame contenders. Yes.

We have two, this is a heavyweight bout between two Hall of Fame contenders. Between Glenn Greenwald's Bunion removal service, We have two this is a heavyweight bout between two Hall of Fame contenders between glean Between Glenn Greenwald's bunion removal service, and I knew I was a Leroy when everything but the sunscreen was locked up Okay for me. It's both so we're gonna have to vote because this is too hard So you are equally good to me so Jesse equally funny falls on you you have to cast the first one Yeah, yeah, okay for me Yeah, I used to use the Apple Store as an indicator of when I was in a good

neighborhood. So the sunscreen is definitely the winner. Okay. Okay. Where are you going? That is a new idea I've never heard before. Yeah, that's a very funny one. But Glenn Greenwald's Bunyan service, so for me- To refer to a young black prostitute. For me- Is very funny.

For me, it's tough because the way that I saw Jesse laugh, I knew it was a Leroy and everything but the sunscreen was locked up, I haven't really seen him laugh like that so that was interesting, but then the way that I saw not only Janis laugh but actually have to take a moment where maybe his life has changed after hearing Glenn Greenwald's Bunyan removal service. I'm gonna go with Glenn Greenwald's Bunyan removal service only because it is, it is, what it's showing is he's listening or she is listening to this podcast very thoroughly. It was something we only spoke about very briefly.

Glenn Greenwald, as we found out when we brought up Glenn Greenwald in front of 2,000 people at the live Dr. Phil show in Atlantic City. Most people don't know who we're talking about because the joke that we made about him absolutely bombed. Yes. So for me, I am going to pick Glenn Greenwald's Bunyan Removal Service. So this is one of those things where unfortunately is now lying on you.

You have one vote for each and you just have to make the decision because heavy lies the crown. Yes. Can you read them both again so I can just feel what happens to my gut? Okay. I knew I was in a Leroy town when everything but the sunscreen was locked up and then Glenn Greenwald's Bunyan removal service. We're gonna get a lot of heat for this one way or the other. The fans are gonna be, they have their idea right now, they're listening right now and I'm gonna guess

that a lot of them are leaning towards sunscreen locked up because they're borderline racist. And they also feel like they want some kind of retribution for us missing Leroy Sealing Cricket. They may want that, but it's not just, it's just funny. It's just funny. The Glenn Greenrod's bunion removal service is very funny. It's layered. Because he's licking feet. He's licking feet.

And licking come off the floor. Yes. And all it's to do with his feet. Yes. So it's layered. It's not on the nose. As usual, I'm gonna give a shout out to the borderline walked into ones

and say they're often some of the most creative. But like you said, we try to bring people together. Yes. So we're gonna laugh because we're comedians and it is one of the funniest ones we've ever had. That's why you're a finalist. But I'm gonna go with the safer one and I'm probably gonna take a lot of heat in this

because you put the crown on me here. Yeah. So I'm gonna take the heat. It's a small crown because you have a small head. It's a very tiny tiny crown. Yeah. Okay. It's very small. Yeah, but it's a donut shape. Yes. It's the size of a donut. It's what it is. But I'm going with Glenn Greenwald. Wow. Bunion removal service. Okay. Because I just want everyone to know that we don't think all black neighborhoods are dangerous. Okay, fair enough. Just mostly. So Glenn Greenwald's Bunyan Removal Service, congratulations. You are this week's PPW Pseudo-Penis of the Week.

You will see your name up in lights at history. Hyhena's is back.com. Also, we have all our live stand-up dates there. We are going to be doing a live show. Unfortunately, you missed the one that we just did at the Comedy Cellar in New York City, but we will be doing a live History Hyenas show in Stamford, Connecticut in August.

I believe those tickets are already up on the site. So go to historyhyenasisback.com or yannispoppiscomedy.com or christycomedy.com. Get those tickets to Stamford Connecticut we will be doing a big live history hyena show and of course all our stand-up dates are up there I'll be at the Brea improv in July and I will be in we've just added Montreal and I have a bunch of dates in July and August Minneapolis and a bunch of others so go go check it out yeah and check me out in Providence,

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