History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Inside Bad Bunny’s Casita w/ Radel Ortiz | History Hyenas

Episode Date: February 12, 2026

This week the boys sit down with comedian Radel Ortiz for a wild episode breaking down Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl performance, what it meant for Latin culture, and how NYC shapes identity from borough t...o borough. From growing up in Brooklyn to deep dives into Dominican culture and history, it’s laughs, culture, and classic Hyenas chaos all in one. 🇩🇴🔥 #HistoryHyenas #RadelOrtiz #BadBunny #NYC Support our sponsors: Same night out — way better morning with Cheers. For a limited time our listeners are getting 20% off their entire order by using code HYENAS at https://CheersHealth.com. #Cheers #ad Head to https://factormeals.com/hyenas50off and use code hyenas50off to get 50 percent off and free breakfast for a year. To explore coverage, visit https://ASPCApetinsurance.com/HYENAS Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/HYENAS #comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://store.historyhyenaspod.com Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:30 What's up, everybody. See me live this month, February 20th and 21st in Bakerfields, California. Catch us live to History Hyenas, February 23rd at the Comedy Seller Village Underground. Get your tickets at History Hyenas is back.com. It's what it is. And we got a great episode for you with our man Rodel Ortiz, our first Dominican person ever on the show. And it was fun. It was informative.
Starting point is 00:00:55 And don't take the C train. Don't take the C train or the A train. Yeah. What's up everybody? Welcome to another episode of History. Hayenas. We've got Chrissy D. Yanni P.
Starting point is 00:01:36 And then, I believe we have now, I believe this is our first Dominican guest, Roddell Ortiz. Let's fucking go. Let's go. Let's it, baby. Today we're doing Historia andiani.
Starting point is 00:01:47 So, that's right. During Black History Month, we said, we're going to get Dominican. And so how this happened. And Nick just took a sneaky picture. you? Look at him. He was to tell his whole family. Right. Nick, right, Nick, we said, you know what?
Starting point is 00:02:02 Nick, Nick got excited. So for us, what happened, right? So what happened was, is we, your manager, who I know Dex, he, we wanted David Cross on the podcast like a month ago. And then some shit fell through, whatever. So Dex is like, oh, I, whatever,
Starting point is 00:02:18 hook it up with David Cross, but he was like, let's get you. And I said, I said, okay. And because we've been doing comedy like, so long. We just don't know what's going on in the internet anymore. We're just old boomers. Like, we just do our shit and forget about it. So I looked, I said, this guy's funny and
Starting point is 00:02:34 more importantly, he's got 2 million followers. That'll help us. So now we're at the point where we're just saying, you know what? Just come on the show and tell our fans who probably know about you already. Just tell them everything and be funny and we'll go violent and give you a cut. Well, we just found out too.
Starting point is 00:02:50 Very funny. My mother-in-law follows you online. Yeah, yeah. And what did you call her? Don't do? He's the lucky Cedar Yeah Yeah Oh you know my mother-in-law Yeah we talk
Starting point is 00:03:01 Are you date my mother-in-law? Hey man You talk to his mother-in-law online? Of course, bro Yeah She's Yeah she does look at Yeah
Starting point is 00:03:09 I'll fuck with you I've never spoken to her But you probably have actually You don't realize that you might I respond I'll be responding So you got a lot of older ladies Who come to your shows
Starting point is 00:03:19 Yeah Yep Yeah Yeah A lot of older women Who have never Gone to a comedy show ever. Right. Right. That's what I love about the internet is it's made everyone into comedy.
Starting point is 00:03:32 Everyone into comedy and we're all in our own little zones. Like there's no reason to be like, like who was a good example. Like Kevin Hart is like generally famous, right? Now we're all just known to our fan. We all got our little pockets. And that's good enough. I think that's better actually because you've become generally famous and everybody knows who you are everywhere you go. That's not a fun life at all. Now it's like, oh, this person knows me, and then the people over there are like, who is that? And I'm like, that's what I want to hear. That's what I want to hear. I want the person taking a picture of me in public to be like, I don't know who the fuck you are.
Starting point is 00:04:04 That's actually comforting to me because then I'm like, okay, you're safe. Yeah. It used to be you learn how to do comedy live, you know, and now I think you work out your comedy on. I think everyone just does it online, which is the same thing. It's fine. It's the different way to do it. Were you inspired to do comedy by Morisa? Absolutely not.
Starting point is 00:04:23 Right. But I did. Did you know who? At course. Come on, man. You fucking, you basically started like the whole shit, bro. Yeah. You were one of the like that's.
Starting point is 00:04:33 Oh, yeah. It's like 15 years enough. It's 16 years ago. So I first saw that when it first came out. Sure. It was hilarious. And then I was never like, I never like was into like the comedies like to go to go to comedy clubs and stuff.
Starting point is 00:04:47 Right. But then later on, I forgot maybe like two or three years ago, I saw you somewhere online. And I'm like, yo, this is that. fucking guy, bro. Right. Yeah. Yo, that's that app pussy guy. And what's big, you do comedy in Spanish too, right?
Starting point is 00:05:01 Yeah, so. So, what I show is like Spanglish. That's amazing. So it's like mostly English, but then some of the, a lot of the punchlines are in Spanish. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:10 Because it cultivates your own audience. Yeah. Right. I have had some people who was pissed, though, because they would come and, and, you know, were they bad that you were doing it in Spanish or? Some people, I did the, The Chicago Improv and... Sure.
Starting point is 00:05:26 A lot of Puerto Ricans. A lot of Latino in Chicago. So that was like my first time ever doing stand-up in Chicago. And I had a comment on Facebook that just made me... It said, don't go see this guy unless you speak Spanish.
Starting point is 00:05:41 He completely panders to Mexicans. That's a happy crying. Wow, that's a Chicago comment. Yeah. You would figure that would be a different state comment. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:54 You can get those in Chicago, too. Yeah. You should have just said, bro, I'm most offended by the fact that you didn't understand that they weren't Mexican. Right. Right. Now, because I have a full Puerto Rican family,
Starting point is 00:06:06 I'm the white leader of a Puerto Rican, a small Puerto Rican five. And you have a Puerto Rican alter ego. Is it okay that you're Dominican, is there beef with us and you? Absolutely not, bro. Okay. I was going to say you actually look a lot more handsome in person.
Starting point is 00:06:19 Thank you. I appreciate that. John Stamos said the same thing. People say that. And then it kind of, makes sense why my career isn't a bigger place because I don't look good on camera. And the camera likes you. No, but you have to look good on camera in this business.
Starting point is 00:06:31 Yeah, but the camera likes you, but yeah, you don't have the traditional dominative Hollywood look. What does diminutive mean? Is that a Dominican? Are you trying to see Dominican? No. Like small. Like you notice they're all small. No, they have shalame.
Starting point is 00:06:45 But they have big heads. Yeah, but they're tiny people. Yeah, they're pretty Hollywood. Right. Look kind of like, you know, like even Leonardo. Caprio. He was a skinny guy. You look like a big guy. Like you're like you go for like in Hollywood, you'd be like a
Starting point is 00:06:58 bouncer. But what about Kevin James? He was a big boy. He was a big fat guy. Yeah, he was underdog looking. He liked the fucking high school fucking the jockey as well no, but the problem is a casting director told me this I've said it on the podcast many times. He said you I'm not castable because I have leading man face best friend body.
Starting point is 00:07:17 And that was it and he cast Seinfeld so he knows he was in very accurate casting director and I haven't been cast in anything since he told that in 2006. Yeah. I wonder what the fuck he'd say about me, bro. You're capable. All I've been getting is the fucking the bodega guy, bro.
Starting point is 00:07:30 Yeah. Yeah, but you know what? You take a few bodega guys and that's just what it is. Yeah. They say I have like a villain face. Interesting. Yeah. I could see that.
Starting point is 00:07:39 I mean, but a friendly villain. You put some tattoos on me, bro. I do look a little. Yeah. Yeah. I could see that, but I also think there's a likeability. So you have a softness to your face, though. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:50 I won't see villain. I want to be the fucking The handsome lead role Well that I don't know about that The guy who fucking steals her purse Right And then they got to fucking chase after me I don't think that's in mind
Starting point is 00:08:04 In your future though No really Yeah You're gonna have to create It's in his future Yeah Right You have to create your own show
Starting point is 00:08:10 To get a role like that Yeah Sometimes I just wake up I feel handsome I think it looks today No no No you look today What don't you like about your look today
Starting point is 00:08:20 I think it looks good Yes. So this year, I didn't let it. My mustache is just looking very... I think you look good. You know what? You know what the problem is with Latino guys? Because you do, when you let it grow like that, it is, it does look a little Middle Eastern and it just makes things a little harder for you in and out of the airport. When I was younger, I used to have the bare face and a good jawline, but... That's what Angela used to say. He used to say he the most in the airport, he felt very Middle Eastern. Yeah, because it's, I got to be honest, as it as it's, as it's, as. you know, as obviously the face of an ice agent
Starting point is 00:08:53 and the heart of a TSA agent, I would say that I'm probably going to just ask you maybe one, I'm not going to fully take you offline, but I'd like to ask you a follow-up. Yeah. Can you show me your hotel reservation? Yeah. That's all. Just give me a confirmation.
Starting point is 00:09:10 I'm not happy with that, bro. Yeah. I know, but you got to just, you know what I mean? I'm sorry, it's what it is. Yeah. Now, you grew up in East New York. Yes, sir. That's a tough area.
Starting point is 00:09:21 People who don't know, that is not gentrified. Even to this day, there's not gentrified. There's no Starbucks there. No, there was it like off the L train, East New York? No, I was off the C train. Whoa. The C train, which is not even express. Like, that's a.
Starting point is 00:09:37 Oh, bro. Yeah, to Broadway. They're not doing that show Subway takes on the C line. No, sir. Rima's not going over there. Yeah. I tell my daughters about the New York City train station. I say, I want you to start learning the alphabet at F and up.
Starting point is 00:09:50 We can leave the A, C, the E. That's all out of here. Stay off of those trains. I've never been on F train. F train is a different train. F train is a different train. It's a different train. You transfer for the F across from the C.
Starting point is 00:10:03 You can get, it goes to Park Slope and then it goes it goes to Windsor Terrace. It goes that. Paulin Quartz is a real plate. That's a real plate. In New York. You see, that reminds me the old New York. That's the way it used to be is that you didn't even know another neighbor.
Starting point is 00:10:17 Like I didn't, I had never been to the Bronx. before I went to a Yankee game. And then back when we grew up, it was very neighborhood by neighborhood. You never even heard of Windsor Territory. No. Yeah, sure. That's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:10:29 It's, I think we're too connected now as a society. It's better that certain people don't know where Windsor Terrence is and certain people don't know where the Bronx is. It's just better. It's just better. Go in and out. Go to the Yankee games. Stop trying to buy a duplex apartment in the South Bronx.
Starting point is 00:10:45 Colin. Stop it. Is he trying to buy it? No, not Colin. I'm just used the name because I had Colin. Colin Quinn in my head because Colin Quinn said that the, it's not the F train, that the L train after certain stuff gets gentrified. Looks like a key lift. It's very fun.
Starting point is 00:10:57 And another comic stole the joke. Yeah, it was a very fun. Yes. And the other comic was from the Bronx. Yeah. So now you live close to Ozone Park? Yeah. Right.
Starting point is 00:11:08 I'm right by JFK over there. Yeah. You're right. It's great area over there. It's great. And then Ozone Park is still very Italian? Oh, yeah. What is Ozone Park?
Starting point is 00:11:16 Yeah. John Gotti. Well, Ozone Park is, God, it's actually a melting park. I'm in South Ozone Park, so it's like, it's a little, Ozone Park is really like Guyanese and. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you take public transportation here from Ozone Park or you draw?
Starting point is 00:11:29 You got to drive. Yes, so what level of success are you now? He's not on the bus. He's not on the bus. No, no, no, no. He's doing too well. Even before my success, I quit that. The bus is tough.
Starting point is 00:11:40 You can get on the subway, but taking a bus as just a man, it's tough. No, it's just, I'd rather walk. Yeah, I'd rather take the city. You got to yell back door when they're not doing it. No. Yeah. The bus is for, the bus is for like younger people. Like if you're a 25 year old man, you shouldn't legally be allowed to get on a bus.
Starting point is 00:11:58 That's for them asshole teenagers coming out of school. Get women on a bus or get young boys. I don't have my, I won't have my lady on a bus, bro. But I'm just saying I can understand a woman who wants to take the bus. I get it. But as a grown man, I just can't see a guy on a bus. It's like a guy who doesn't know anything about sports. It's just weird to me.
Starting point is 00:12:17 I'm not saying you've got to be an expert, but it's just, I'd like you to stay away from my family. If you don't know about sports or if you take a public bus, I'm just not into you. You know what I mean? I'm just not into what you have. I just don't want you around my family, that's all. I'm still laughing about the back door.
Starting point is 00:12:32 That's funny. It's funny. Because when you're out of the bus, you got to yell back door. You know, yo back door because he tries to leave. Yeah. You're trying to get off on the back door. Yeah. You got to scream that shit.
Starting point is 00:12:41 And the whole ride, you've been trying to look cool. Yeah. Yeah. Serious. And then it's kind of gay thing to yell back door. Yeah. Back, I know you hear me saying back door. Sometimes they don't open it, bro.
Starting point is 00:12:50 Yeah. I don't want to be on any mode of transportation where I know there's a possibility I could be on a dark web video page. Sure. You know what I mean? Because those are always where you see the dark, like the bad violence happening at some CCTV footage that catches somebody on a bus. Yeah. And they try to hijack the bus driver and he starts shooting. I don't want to be in anything where there needs to be security cameras.
Starting point is 00:13:13 I've had a couple. scary stories on the train, bro. Tell us what happened. The sea train, bro. The sea train, bro. The sea train, bro. Yeah. And this was back in like 0, 03, 04. Wow.
Starting point is 00:13:23 Real bad gangs, bro. Bloods and the Patrias and Lent Kings. And I remember when I was on the sea train with my girlfriend at the time, that bitch. Sure. She's, oh, man. And these three kids, but we was kids also. And one of them was a tall, skinny lesbian, lady who had on a du rag.
Starting point is 00:13:46 Okay. And, um, sir. Once you put a du rag on your woman, I think you deserve a sir. Yeah. And then it was, she was with two dudes. And I remember I was, I was on my sidekick, Alex. Yeah. Great phone.
Starting point is 00:13:58 Old school. And she had a PSP in her hand. And she was like, yo, what time is it? And by the way, that's the ultimate. You're about to get robbed. Right. Sure. Right.
Starting point is 00:14:09 What time is it? Right. You know what I mean? See her asking you that with her watch on. Right. Well, with your watch on. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:16 Before they actually, because I've seen them over there, before they walked up to me, I put it away. Smart. Because I already felt that. What time is it? I'm, oh, I don't know. I can't tell you. So you sure?
Starting point is 00:14:27 How do you talk to your pretty girlfriend? I'm like, oh, man, you know, we're just, the internet and shit. Yeah. And then we got off on that very next stop because I was like, yo, you know, we was in the corner seat. Yeah. That corner seat is dangerous. Yeah, because that's where you could get piled up. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:14:43 You jumped. Yeah. Smart. So I got off right there on the next stop. It wasn't even my stop. I just got off. I know that feeling. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:50 It's my stop. Yeah. And she came with you, your girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we got back on the next train. And right when we get to Broie Junction, you know, they have a precinct there. Yeah. In the station.
Starting point is 00:15:01 Those three motherfuckers was in handcuffs. Wow. Yes. Because they robbed somebody. Yes. And one of them was a lesbian in Durag. Yes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:09 You got to, yeah. Because she's, she's, you got to be most scared. her because she got the most to prove. And that was 2003? 2004. And those are the good old days when those people are still in prison today. They didn't get right out. This is what I respect about the Broadway
Starting point is 00:15:24 Junction shop. They have a precinct in there, but most of the crime happens at that stop. Sure. They love to continue. You can get robbed at the Broadway Junction stop. Right. Broadway Junction. That shit is there. Yeah. And there's a precinct there, but they don't care. They will do it right there. Yeah, they'll do it right there. Yeah, they'll do it
Starting point is 00:15:40 right away. And it's one of those things where like I think people you have to grow up in New York City like you grew up in New York City where that would happen a lot it was the whole thing I got in that I was right in that time where things were happening but you would get arrested and do real time if you did some real shit so there was a little bit of fear in the criminals but when you were growing up there was zero fear in the criminals it was just it was just a time where there was a good chance you were just going to get jumped that's what I remember one time I went into the train station And it was Grand Army Plaza
Starting point is 00:16:12 And we went downstairs It was me and my friend Zach Zarba Who's now an NBA refs He's gonna ref the final Yeah We walked down the station And it was just if you went out at a certain time There was a school John Jay
Starting point is 00:16:24 And if they were letting out It was just we walked down the stairs And it was you just knew it There was like just a pack of kids And you just like I had a walkman And I was just like This isn't my walkman anymore I should have just handed it
Starting point is 00:16:36 That's what you're supposed to do Is you just hand it When you should have Looking back, I should have been like here. See, because then I wouldn't have got hit. I remember a guy picked me up and he dropped me on a floor and I was really close to the tracks. See, and what I like about, Rondell, is he's, you can tell like a nice guy and has that niceness in him where he knew to get off the train. And he's like, I'm not going to do those things and engage in that criminal activity.
Starting point is 00:17:02 I'm not going to do that. I see that. I want to go another way. I want to become successful. As opposed to Sergio, Chacon, our other Latino friend who would beat up drug dealers with his bare hands. just to get a little bit of money and now is over here on Mushrooms saying he's a spiritual leader
Starting point is 00:17:14 when I know used to beat up drug dealers when he was 15 years old. He might have been that skinny lesbian with the du wreck that tried to rock. Might have been him. Might have been him. I would, my thing is I'm always protective of the women.
Starting point is 00:17:27 Yes. So if I was alone, it would have been different, you know? Or if I was with my friends, it would have been different. If that was me in that situation I was with the woman, I would have looked at her
Starting point is 00:17:35 and been like, either she got the message that I'm getting off at the next station or he didn't. No, the thing is with Johnis and I'm okay with this too. Janus is okay with running and biting. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:43 Yonis is okay in a fight to bite. You got to. It's okay if he'll bite somebody. Oh, I'll bite the fuck out of so. I'll take the chomp out of somebody, bro. You've got to be able to bite to? That's why I've been taking, you know, Krav Maga, the Israeli street fighting? No.
Starting point is 00:17:56 So I've been taking these classes with Kroff Maga and part of it is it's, you know, martial arts and jiu-jitsu and all that is an art form and it's beautiful. Croft Maga was invented by the Israelis because they're surrounded by their enemies over there, where it's just end the fight. So they're teaching you. grab the nuts, gouge the eyes, bite somebody. This is not about a martial art and gaining points. This is in a street fight.
Starting point is 00:18:15 Just end it. Just don't even there's no negotiate. If you get back into a corner and you can't negotiate with the person, then you end it. They teach you how to disarm people with guns and knives, stabs somebody. Grab their knots, bite them, just move on. Or do which I kind of like that. Can't grab nobody nuts in
Starting point is 00:18:31 East New York, bro. That shit. I mean, I generally don't love prank videos because they make me feel uncomfortable, ones that I do like that I think are funny is when the dude goes to like a dangerous area and he starts something with the guy and then he gets naked and the guy runs away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just shows you like you can always win if you just if you try to do something gay to the guy.
Starting point is 00:18:56 Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy will just not want to fight you. The toughest guys would be like, what'd you say to me? And then the guy gets naked and the guy's like, yo, yo, man. I'm not fighting nobody with their dick out. They're dick out, no. It's like a sex crime. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:09 One time we got robbed, one time a bunch of my friends, we came up to 42nd Street. They used to have a bunch of fake, you go get, like fake Nike's and shit. Sure. We used to call them Snikes. Why? Because it's fake Nike Snikes. Remember that? Snikis?
Starting point is 00:19:24 I don't remember that. Our generation, our generation, called Snikis. And my friend, he borrowed his older brother's Vanson jacket. And this was the predator glow in the dark with the bonnet jacket. It was like $1,200. And this was like an $0.4. and this group of dudes, bro. They walked up.
Starting point is 00:19:42 We was on one of them long Manhattan blocks. It was quiet. And I remember I was the only friend who didn't take no money on this fucking. I had no, I didn't buy nothing. I was just broke as fuck. And it was Halloween time. And the dude pulls out a gun, bro. And my friend has to take off his jacket and give it to them.
Starting point is 00:20:00 And I was just like standing on the outskirts. They didn't have me like in the main huddle. I don't know. They like knew. They sensed the poverty on me or whatever. And then finally the dude says run your pockets. Yeah. So, brother, only thing, you know what I pulled out my fucking pocket?
Starting point is 00:20:15 I had some glow in the dark vampire plastic teeth. Yeah. You remember them? Yeah, of course. And the, mind you, these are fucking killers, bro. Yeah. He dead ass laughed in my face, bro. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:28 With a gun, bro. I still can't even believe that she has. He was going like, this is what you have. Yeah. Yeah. And he let me keep it. Yeah. He let you keep him.
Starting point is 00:20:36 Yeah. There's a lot of good criminals. You still had the saliva string on it. Yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah. Yeah. Some, you know, everything is contextual, right? It's not great to be poor unless you're in a situation where you get robbed.
Starting point is 00:20:48 That poverty helps. That helps a lot. You could save your life. Oh, sorry for me, bro. Yeah. He left. Yeah. That is rough when the guy who is needs money and is robbing you laughs at you for being poor.
Starting point is 00:21:02 You know what's a thing, you know what's a thing, too, that Latinos do that I want to start doing a lot of people in. my wife's family do it, is they go by the middle name. Your real name is Andy. Yes. First name's Andy. The middle name's Roddell. A lot, that's a very Latino thing to go by the middle name.
Starting point is 00:21:14 Like, if my name was Paul DeStefano, what do you think? Is your middle name Paul? My middle name's Paul. You could be a Paul. You could definitely be a fucking Paul. Should I change it? Because I like, because if I, your name is Andy Roddell, Ortiz. Roddell is better.
Starting point is 00:21:27 Roddell, I don't even, when I first created Instagram, I just thought it would be cool. Because I asked my parents where that name came from. I don't know no fucking Roddell's. Yeah, where is it? They said it was the ring boy at their wedding. That was his name. His name was Radel. Yeah, they're a black ring bearer.
Starting point is 00:21:43 Yeah, Roddell. That's what they're telling you. He's saying in English it sounds black, right? Rodel. Yeah. But in Spanish, Radel. Radel. Radel.
Starting point is 00:21:54 Radel Ortiz. And you know, I'm sure you know, as a Dominican that the first New York City resident ever was Dominican. Do you know that? No, I didn't know that. That's a fun fact, yes. Who the fuck was that? Juan, I forgot his last name, but Juan, something.
Starting point is 00:22:05 if Google, he was the first New York City resident ever was a Dominican kid. I think his name was Juan Rodriguez. I actually think that was his name. My middle name would not be. Yeah, Juan Rodriguez, a multilingual Afro-Latino born in Santo Domingo, was the first non-native settler of Manhattan in 1613, came in on a Dutch ship free as a trader living among the Lenape, which was the Native American tribe that Manhattan was, you know,
Starting point is 00:22:30 lived on by it. And then before the Dutch came. So Dominican, so you're a pioneer, my friend. You better fucking believe. it. A founding father. And Bad Bunny did this shit last night. Yeah. I'm going to come talk Spanish this whole podcast. We liked it. We're in the camp of we liked it. Yeah. It was great. I love it. Listen, if you're not, if you got to go to Miami. Miami is the spot where you get all of the Latin cultures in one city. Oh yeah. And it's just Latin American culture is just fun. What I think what I think racist white people would really benefit from is. is because, you know, I am immersed in Latino culture now.
Starting point is 00:23:08 My whole family is Puerto Rican and majority of when people, and I say my family, my house is full. It's full of Puerto Rican people. She has a much bigger family and they're very family-oriented, good people. But I think they had a fire escape put in on his window. We live in the country, but we got a firescape, we got a Johnny Club. We just want to make them feel good. We got, there's a bodega downstairs.
Starting point is 00:23:28 Yeah. And so we, so what I think they would want to know is, is like the racist white people is the Latinos are just as racist. They're racist against some of the most racist things I've ever heard in my life with my mother-in-law saying shit. And I'm like, I really wish people knew that we're all fucking alike here. We all hate everybody. There's definitely some racist Latinos, bro.
Starting point is 00:23:51 100%. 100%. And I always just find it fascinating where I'm like, no, no, no, no. You got to understand. And anybody who's man at the Bad Bunny thing, I think is just kind of ignorant, Why would you not want to watch hot Latino women dancing around? And for the fellas, a couple of hot guys grinding their bengas on each other. That was all nice to see.
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Starting point is 00:28:10 One free breakfast item per box for one year while subscription is active. Yeah. Now the old stereotype, remember when we were kids, the old stereotype for some reason was Dominicans don't have socks. And I still don't understand that. No, no, Dominicans wear sandals with socks. Puerto Ricans wear no socks with sand. Yeah, but the joke was always.
Starting point is 00:28:27 no sock. 100% And I don't know why that They don't wear socks But only with sandals I thought No The reverse I haven't reversed In the Greeksans are socks
Starting point is 00:28:34 Sandals Now why is that Is that the Caribbean culture Like they just don't wear socks Is it real? 100% It's 100% true That that that was a thing
Starting point is 00:28:44 Yeah And I used to wear fucking two socks Like just so people Didn't fucking So you have on socks Right now Absolutely
Starting point is 00:28:50 His socks have socks Yeah Yeah I honestly don't know I honestly don't know Where it came from But it is Well you're saying
Starting point is 00:28:56 you knew it came from that they didn't. A lot of times they didn't. But a lot of older, like, Dominicans would not wear socks and just be cool with it. Just raw dog in the shoes. Probably better for your feet. Absolutely not, bro.
Starting point is 00:29:09 You think it's bad for the feet? Yeah, it's bad, bro. I mean, imagine putting fucking no socks on some Timberlin boots, bro. Yeah. You have nothing to absorb the sweat. Do you think any of the baseball players are playing with no socks?
Starting point is 00:29:20 Yeah, probably. Interesting. Yeah. Juan Soto 100%. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and, and, you know, In New York, it's Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, you know, that's like the main, and everyone always said they had beef.
Starting point is 00:29:31 But I never found that, and I found that Dominicans, at least where I used to live on Staten Island, so many Dominican's own businesses. Dominicans are very, very, very, like, high up Caribbean nation. Nah, they go crazy, bro. Dominicans definitely, I mean, we got the fucking tax services. Everything. Yeah. How about this? Bodegas, the barbershops, restaurants for days.
Starting point is 00:29:50 Dude, one time, it was actually very, very funny. It was just, I have a Dominican friend on Staten Island. great guy, and we were in like a barbershop, and he was, they were watching YouTube and Nick DePaolo came, this is everybody in the barbershop is Dominican, except me. I'm just a white guy. They're all talking in Spanish. And then I don't know what it was like the YouTube. They were playing shit on YouTube and a clip from Nick DePaolo's special came up. And the clip was, I forgot, I'm like paraphrasing, but he's like, um, Nick is like, yeah, he's like, and then there's this Dominican guy in traffic next to me driving a $200,000 car. I'm sure he's a dentist.
Starting point is 00:30:25 Oh, I know that. I know. And no. And no. These guys started fucking dying laughing. And I was like, oh, that's cool. I was just like nobody was like, because in a white place, if that was like reverse state, like that, it's not okay. Where Dominican guys were just fucking laughing at it. And I was like, this is so easy to be around people like this.
Starting point is 00:30:40 Man, Dominican's the, the, if you want to hear some real fucking dark humor, bro, in Spanish, bro. Like, I was, I was telling Marcello, because I, you've seen it, Marcelo, shout out Marcello, his Netflix. Shout out. I saw his fucking his same set in Spanish right at the stand and it was like three times more funny. Yeah, because that's the rhythm of it. Oh yeah, everything.
Starting point is 00:31:07 Everything about it. Healing. Punch lines just hit harder in Spanish. And for me, that was great to see. But my thing is like, it's that mix of English and Spanish. Sure. But Dominicans really get into the dark humor, bro. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:22 They got some shit that I'll be like, bro, do not. say that shit in English. Do not. You know, it was funny when I was a kid, like, you know, obviously we're exposed to so many cultures or whatever, but I remember when I was real little, you know, I think a Dominican was the first,
Starting point is 00:31:37 the first time I saw a black person speak in Spanish. Right. And I was like, I had to be like, what? And that's how you learn about Dominicans. Well, same thing. I think everyone learns about Dominicans going, like, they see a black person speaking Spanish. And they go, hey, what are you?
Starting point is 00:31:48 And they go, Dominican. You're like, oh, this Dominican. Well, what's wild about the Dominican Republic is the same landmass as Haiti. It's just divided by mountains, right? Spanola. Hispaniolia is called Entile Island. It's like Cyprus.
Starting point is 00:32:01 One side is Turkish. It's a fascinating history. The San Diego is the oldest continuously inhabited European settlement in the America. So 1496. The thing is, is like, DR, my Dominican friend,
Starting point is 00:32:12 I mean, he's so business savvy. Like, I feel like New York City everyone always thinks about the Puerto Ricans, but the Dominicans are actually the ones. We run this shit, brother. That's what it is. But it's like, I don't know why why is then that New York City
Starting point is 00:32:25 always think Puerto Ricans are like the ones who are talked about more what do you think it is? Puerto Rican, there was a lot of Puerto Rican. Oh, the markets came later.
Starting point is 00:32:32 Yeah, they came later, a little later. Well, besides the first guy who came. Right. But the Puerto Rico,
Starting point is 00:32:38 I think there's the most Puerto Ricans outside of Puerto Rico are in New York. And bro, let me tell you something. Every time my friend would come back
Starting point is 00:32:44 from DR, he would bring me Leenda. Oh, brother. Wow. Wow. Hey. Hey.
Starting point is 00:32:50 Hey. Hey, I love that. Love that. When I drink that shit hot. The trunk of a car, bro. It's a rum, right? Oh, yeah. You've never had.
Starting point is 00:33:01 It's the smoothest rum I've ever had in my life. He would bring it to me and I would just be like, I don't even know how to thank you. It was amazing. The first time I had that shit was in 2021. Yeah. I was on my way to a resort from the hood over there. By the way, when you go, you got to go to both. Go to the resort, but also spend some time in the hood, bro.
Starting point is 00:33:20 And the campo. Right. Yeah, it's really nice. Is that safe for the whites? Absolutely. Okay. Yeah. I mean, don't, don't wear that. Yeah. You're going to help me like, whoops. Don't wear socks, bro.
Starting point is 00:33:32 I like it the same sentence. He said, yeah, it's safe, but don't wear your jewelry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a mixed best. Yeah, don't be white. Yeah. My cousin, I show you my cousin, he looks just like. Oh, yeah. Yeah. My Dominican, all his family members were white, blonde hair, blue white. Yeah, they got everything over there, bro. So it's not, it's not spooky. It's not like, you will see somebody super white blonde hair blue eyes and just talking don't know a lick of english and just straight right you are so it's not like you're gonna be over there and people gonna be looking at you
Starting point is 00:34:03 know obviously in certain hoods you can't go to but yeah right that's the first time i had legend on the fucking we like rented a bus to take my whole family over there i i don't even remember checking in booking the excursion smack bro that legend damn it's the best and knock you out huh i know you was hip to that bro i would have fucking brought one i know all about it and since I've moved off Staten Island, I miss my friend. I just want to send me some Leander if you're listening. Friends restaurants, they do carry that here. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:31 We'll talk. I know. I mean, honestly, I mean, the food, I love Dominican food. I'm big into the Dominican culture. I just can't tell the wife that because she's Puerto Rican, but I'm also big into the Dominican porn. Oh, really? Yeah. You dirty girl.
Starting point is 00:34:46 I like that. I just like it's more accessible. It's Monday, bro. Yeah, but you put on, you just put in Dominican asses on Port Hope and you have a good time. Little Leanda and Dominican Answers on Pornhub and it's Muipey and E2 Did you know that Dominicans I think now
Starting point is 00:35:02 make up the majority of the NYPD? Oh there's a lot. There you go. Oh my God. Oh. I thought you got to say some Dominican cops that I just look up
Starting point is 00:35:13 and I just see my cousin over here, bro. Dominican big booty. Follow it on Instagram. That's what it is. Janus will take a screenshot of that, draw some dick and balls on the back and be good to go. Janice likes to see a little cock hangs from the best.
Starting point is 00:35:28 Bro, that literally looked like three of my cousins, bro. I got to be honest with you, it's so overwhelming for me that it actually wouldn't even make me horny. I'd actually just walk away because I actually would just, I don't act. It's an overdrive. You know what I mean? It's too much.
Starting point is 00:35:41 It's, it shot me off. It's really something. Like, I actually, I think because I think, It is nice. You know, take this up. Yeah. I mean, that is nice.
Starting point is 00:35:52 Yonis's glasses are fogging. I remember when I first went to DR, I was like, like as an adult, you know? Yeah. And I was like 19. And, you know, the women over there, they were, if you got money, they, you know, they're going to be on you. Sure. That's why I'm not allowed to go. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:36:11 No, you over there, come on. No, I fucking. You would clean up, right? I tried to, you know, the amount of times I've tried to just suggest to my family, like, oh, I'll do a show there. She's like, you're not going on to ever. You're not even flying over it. I can't leave the continental United States. I'm not allowed to.
Starting point is 00:36:26 You're on house arrest. Yeah. No, the first time, one of them girls was, it was like so into me that I just flaccid the whole time. That's what I'm saying. I couldn't. Because it was like, bro, there's no way. It's sometimes the women, they look like that, that my brain can't compute it. And it just, I, there's nothing.
Starting point is 00:36:46 Is it intimidating? Is it just too intimidating? It was just like, you look really, really good. And I know how I look. You felt me? Sure. And it's like, I just, I just felt like something was up. Ah, that's what it wasn't.
Starting point is 00:36:58 Yeah. Okay. That's your spidey sense. I was too scared, bro. My dick was scared. Yeah, yeah. I was soft. Your skin knew you might get robbed before you.
Starting point is 00:37:07 Your dick was, your dick was more street smart than you are. Exactly, bro. Yeah. Yeah. Dick was spooked out. Yeah, dude. I mean, it's, now who represents Dominican comedy other than, better than you? Who was with the other Dominican comics?
Starting point is 00:37:19 I mean, right now, bro, you talk about fucking the big stage you got to talk about Marcelo Hernane. He's Dominican? Oh no, he's half. He's got some. Oh, I didn't realize he was Dominican. I thought he was just Cuban from Miami. No, he's half Dominican. Oh, okay. Dominican, yeah. I love Marcelo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great, great kid. He actually, he had me come do some Spanish stand-up. Good. Yeah, at the stand. Marcel, Marcel's one of those guys, like, from S&L, like, he's obviously a star already, but, like, he's one that, like, you don't have to debate it. You're like, okay, if this kid goes, he's out of here. He's a movie star, obviously. He's out of here. He's like. He's, he's
Starting point is 00:37:53 He's like one of those guys like, it used to be everybody on S&L was a guy like him, like the Will Farrell's and all the, and everybody was the right cast. And now it's like they pick a lot of people and it's like some are good, some are like what is this person even doing? But Marcello is almost like an old school pick. Like, oh, he would have been on the cast in the 90s, you know? Look at all. They got their own scene down there too.
Starting point is 00:38:13 Look at this. Who's Mario Moreno? Got him thin flies. Yeah, bro. That's some definitely some bangers over here. Doesn't Moreno mean black guy? Mario the black eye. Moreno,
Starting point is 00:38:24 moreno is definitely a means dark skin. Yeah. But that's definitely a last name over there. Tin tan? Is the Chinese guy? Ting Tang.
Starting point is 00:38:32 Hermann Valdez. See, this is Mexican cinema. But this is what I'm saying, we were having this debate before about how so many people were mad at the Bad Bunny Super Bowl. And it's like, we live it, people are thinking
Starting point is 00:38:44 that we're living 30 years ago. It's like, bro, there's an option for everybody. Literally, anything you don't like, there's no reason to comment that you don't like it because you can just find what you like immediately. Right.
Starting point is 00:38:54 That's what the internet is. So, like, even this, like, we have, like, this whole, like, Latino comedy scene that we don't, besides Marcello. Oh, and, of course, a Kid Miro. I don't know these other people. That's right, bro. Yeah. Shout out of Kid Mero. Shout out.
Starting point is 00:39:06 High 97. Oh, is he one of the, like, every day guys? Yeah. Oh, perfect. Not the breakfast club, but. What is it? He got mornings with Mero. Well, mornings with Mero.
Starting point is 00:39:15 Yeah. Who was it used to be? Isn't it? Onesas in the afternoon. I think it was, yeah, it was Ebro. Ebro. So he took his spot. He goes out.
Starting point is 00:39:23 That was him. Good for him. Congrats. The kid, Miro. Dezannelle Perez? Who's that? I don't know. Daniel Perez?
Starting point is 00:39:30 Dominican. I feel like I've heard of. Dominican's a coming, bro. Yeah, there's a lot, bro. Especially the New York scene, bro. I got a shout out Tommy 5K. He's one of the people who actually put me on. So you're runner?
Starting point is 00:39:42 To doing stand-up. Okay. Yeah. It was. Because 5Ks. Oh, that's right. I said that. I just wanted to do it.
Starting point is 00:39:51 Nick. He's definitely not a runner, brother. Nobadior is another one. He's another Dominican comedian. I had him. No. No. Excuse me?
Starting point is 00:40:03 Noviol. It's New York and Spanish, bro. You got that. But the way it just, when you speak Spanish. Noviol. Like, I would say Nueva Yorke.
Starting point is 00:40:14 Nueva York. Nah. But the way Spanish. You got a lot of L. Yeah. Noweva yore. New York. New York.
Starting point is 00:40:20 Yeah. Yeah. You know? Hello. Yeah. Yeah. What a... Yeah, what a...
Starting point is 00:40:29 Yeah, dude. So, wait, so you're on tour now then. Yeah. Stand-up tour. Yeah. All over the country? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:35 We actually going to the West Coast next week on the 17th. Sweet. Where at? What date? We're doing Irvine Improv. Great. We're doing Hollywood Improv. Great.
Starting point is 00:40:46 We're doing San Jose. San Jose's a... Yeah. Okay. There you go. Look at that. Ontario. Somebody bought tickets for Canada.
Starting point is 00:40:54 But it's in California. I know. Yeah. I was like, bro, get a report. San Jose Improv, do not go to the bar across the street. Somebody gets shot at that bar like every six months. Come on, bro.
Starting point is 00:41:04 I'm bill for that. Look at that. The Bay, Arizona, bro. That's a real place. Tempe is beautiful. Yeah. Walkie, Zanis. Be careful at Tempe because it's right by Arizona State University.
Starting point is 00:41:15 And they have, they're like the number one party sex school with the hottest cheerleaders ever. So just, can, just be careful. Tempe. Okay. Yeah. Because it gets wild out there. Brookfield, Wisconsin. Nice club.
Starting point is 00:41:27 First time ever there. I mean, Zanis Comedy Club and Rosemont. I mean, that's going to be great. I actually like the Rosemont better than the Chicago, the downtown. Yeah. Rosemont's great. Downtown. Old town.
Starting point is 00:41:38 There's two Zanis. One in Chicago and one in Rosemary. You're playing the bigger one. So you're going, go. Yeah, I'm excited for that. Go with that. Don't have a lot of money. Lonnie Bone and Albany.
Starting point is 00:41:48 D.C. Comedy. Yeah. Go, go check him out. on tour. What's the site? Where can people see you? Rodel Ortiz.com. Rodel Ortiz.com. And yeah, this is great. Punchline Dallas I've never been to. But yeah, me neither. I haven't
Starting point is 00:42:01 been to a lot of, I did the Comedy Loft in D.C. That one is I like that one. Hell yeah. That felt like grid. When did you start stand-up? I started stand-up in 2004. Oh shit, you've been doing this forever. Yeah. Yeah. Or I'm fucking washed. Yeah. But you didn't stop since 2004. You were doing it Consecutively. Actually, last year, so in 2024, we started, we did 60 shows. In 2024. In 2024. And then we ended it in 2025 at the United Palace, my first theater show. And that was fucking. Where was that? Washington Heights. Oh, Washington Heights. Oh, sick. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:39 Home town show. Yeah, we blew the doors off that bitch, bro. $3,333,000. One night only. See, United Palace, that's great. Yeah. And then. And after that, I was like, it's over. I'm out of here. Right. It felt like, off on a high. Yeah, it felt like the moment where I'm like, this is it. And then your agent called and said, all right, we're going to Albany, we're going to Dallas, we're going to Rosemont, we're going to Washington.
Starting point is 00:43:03 Right after that, my grandma died. Shit. And you had to pay for a funeral. I had to do that. But then also, I was just like, fuck. And also before that, during my 2024 run, my father passed away. So it was like, my father passed away. than my grandma.
Starting point is 00:43:19 And then I was just fucked, bro. I was just miserable. I didn't want to, because even the week after, the weekend after my father's funeral, I had to fly back from DR and do five shows in Providence in Boston. And I was just, I was like,
Starting point is 00:43:34 God, I don't know how I'm supposed to go up there and tell jokes right now because I feel miserable. Right. I've been there. Yeah. It's crazy. It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:43:42 It's such a fucking, it's a feeling that not many people have to experience, because they can, you know, they could take a leave off work or even their job is not to be happy. Yeah, you gotta go up there pretend to be like, I'm here to make you to cheer you up, but who's gonna cheer me out? Right.
Starting point is 00:43:58 Yeah, yeah. It was definitely tough. But then after that, bro, my grandma passed away, I was just fucking miserable, sad, mental health, depression, yeah. Grieving. 10%. Yeah, you were grieving.
Starting point is 00:44:11 Yeah, you were grieving. Yeah, all of that, bro. It was just like, and then the whole 20-25, I was just, I felt like I was just, out of it, like checked out. You barely were doing stand-up even. No, not at all. Zero. Not at all. After the, after the big show, I didn't do none until the very, like in September, I went back up. But from 2004 to 2004, you were doing it every night or on the weekend. Like, you were immersed in it. Yeah, we was, I was definitely very active. I had a whole. You know, America doesn't give you much time to
Starting point is 00:44:39 grieve. Oh, no. No. Like other cultures, you know, like my mom said, like on the island when her grandparents died, her grandmother, my great-grandfather died, he was 110. Wow. My great-grandmother, my mom's grandmother, this is the island of Crete, would wail every day that he died so young. At 110. She's like, man, he left so young. And she was like miserable and wore black for like two years.
Starting point is 00:45:07 Oh, yeah. In America, it's like you got to get back to work. They don't give you any time to process your grief. No, Dominicans are like that too, bro. We take death. Greeks terribly. I mean, we do the, I mean, you know, we're super Catholic. Sure.
Starting point is 00:45:19 So they'll do the two weeks of prayer afterwards. So it's like, sometimes I do, I am envious of some of the people who will throw a party for like their level. Or celebrate the life. Yeah, with music and shit. Right afterwards just. It's over. It's funny how different cultures greet. Because I got to be honest with you, like, I think it's Puerto Ricans too.
Starting point is 00:45:40 Like, again, that's what I have the kind of knowledge of now. And, you know, when my wife's grandmother died, she was older, she battled a disease for a very long time. Again, celebration of life. I, you know, obviously knew, understood people would be upset, but I thought this lady lived a great life. The way every family member, when they walked into that funeral home and saw her in the casket, every single one of them fell down, that I thought there's somebody with a sniper rifle shooting people from the back of the room. I didn't understand what's happening. So why is everyone falling down rolling on the floor? And they're like, because Abolita died.
Starting point is 00:46:09 I said she was dying for the last eight years. She's about 98 years old. what's going on. I mean, people were on the floor. I actually asked Jazz, should I put a mat down? What do I do here? Because people are falling. Someone's going to break their arms. She said, it's just, you got to let them grieve. I said, but people are fucking throwing. They're like, they're flexing themselves. They're hysterical crying on the floor. And you're Germany. You're looking and going to go, what is the big deal? I said, I don't know. I said, when are we going to eat? That's what this is for. But I literally, and Jazz actually had to tell me to stop laughing because I couldn't control it. The motherfucker, because after the eighth, you have to understand, coming from the white community
Starting point is 00:46:47 where, again, we're just a little bit more cold and about it. And it's like, specifically German. Specifically German. You close the casket, you go to eat,
Starting point is 00:46:54 and then you move on. But, you know, sometimes you close the oven and you move on. And you move on. But after seeing the eighth or nine person hit the deck in 20 minutes,
Starting point is 00:47:02 you can't help but just giggle a little bit. I just didn't know what was doing, what people were, you know, doing, really. You couldn't help a giggle. I couldn't help a giggle a little bit. And then, And then...
Starting point is 00:47:11 No, we're dramatic, bro. Dramatic. Again, celebrate. I love it. Not making fun of it. But to me, it was a shocker because people were just, you know, were falling face first into the chairs. Because, let me tell you something. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:22 This weekend I went to Vegas, right? Uh-huh. And Josephine, my Siberian Husky ate a sock. Oh, no. And we had to take her to the ER because they said it could ball up and, you know, block her and test it. So we took her to the ER. And thank goodness we had the ASPCA pet health insurance to help us through that. Yes.
Starting point is 00:47:38 Check it out. When you enroll in an ASP. PCA pet health insurance plan, you get a $25 Amazon gift card. It's a little treat. Everyone likes a treat. I like a treat. Yeah, a little treat for you while you're doing something great for your pet. I mean, because it's been around for 20 years and it's covered nearly one million pets in that time. You can tell the plan to fit your budget, your lifestyle, and your pet's particular quirks. And my pet's particular quirk is she likes to eat my socks.
Starting point is 00:48:04 Yes, you've got to have some pet insurance. Do dogs do that? Do they just eat socks? puppies do stupid stuff. Yeah, I mean, really, you got to be pretty dumb to eat a sock. Yeah, yeah, I mean, they're not, listen, it's not a brain surgeon. Yeah. Yeah. But I do love my dog, cut.
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Starting point is 00:49:59 that her grandmother, like, they would literally lose their fucking mind, bro. Sure. Like, they would be, like, biting the couch and shit. Like literally, like hysterically done. And even when my grandfather died, I had to physically remove my mom from the funeral. I get it. Like I had to take her out of there because she was fainting. Right.
Starting point is 00:50:21 Like you've seen it. If you've seen them, they'll throw themselves. Yes. All control of their bodies. Yes. Like, I feel like Latinos especially, like I feel like we don't really, we don't talk about, we don't, we're not accepting of death like a lot of other people are. Right. Like we just, yeah, you know, we pray everybody's going to be in heaven with Celia Cruz and all the people.
Starting point is 00:50:43 Sure. But it's like when it actually happens, they just lose their shit, bro. And I've been to too many funerals. Sure. I know. And for me, like, I'm the man of the house. I got to be strong and I got to be there for everybody. Right.
Starting point is 00:50:57 And then I got to go home and cry and, you know, in the privacy. You have wife, kids, all that? I have a girlfriend. No kids. Yep. Nice. Nice. Well, I mean, I.
Starting point is 00:51:07 It means a different life. Do you want kids? I love kids. I do want kids, bro. I do. Right. I have a, I've been with my girl for 10 years. Wow.
Starting point is 00:51:15 Yeah. Yeah. Does she want kids? She doesn't mind. So she also Dominican? She's a Puerto Rican lady. Whoa. She's a Puerto Rican lady.
Starting point is 00:51:25 Yeah, she's 10 years, Puerto Rican, Dominican. No kids is interesting. Yeah, right. I didn't know that was possible. Yeah. Yeah. Man, let me tell you something, bro. This is this thing I learned when I was probably like 16.
Starting point is 00:51:36 It's pulling out. thing you guys don't know dude i did it i've done it i got great pull out yeah i'm good at it you got three you're not good at it then unless no i'm pulling fully out yeah no i'm telling you dude puerto rican women are fertile yeah i'm pulling fully out he's pulling fully out he's no way bro every all my kids are from pre-com really yeah my boy got some fucking viking he's got german pre-cum so it's like it's gonna be a german person so yeah they don't they don't dribble out they fucking shoot out It's the formation. We keep going something.
Starting point is 00:52:07 Yeah, something in my sperm. They just see the womb as France. And they're like, take it. They just see, they look ahead and I guess the eggs do look like little yarmikas. So they just go dive right into them. And then they fertilize it. And I think it's just, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:23 So you're Italian or German? So I'm Italian and German, but when I did The Ancestry.com, it's mostly German. I am actually mostly. Oh, yeah. I am most white as fuck. White as fuck. I just started watching the Sopranos for the first time ever, bro, last week. What do you think of it?
Starting point is 00:52:38 Man, I fucking love this. It's a great show. Great show. I'm on season two episode 10 or some shit. Sure. It's a fantastic show. Man, I just missed those kinds of shows, bro. It's like slow pace, but like just rich.
Starting point is 00:52:52 Also, you miss the whole script, right? It could be the most boring scenario that's going on and it's still so entertaining. Also, I think people miss those kind of guys. You miss that kind of people. Yeah. You kind of just miss it a little bit. You miss everybody having to be proper. All right.
Starting point is 00:53:07 You miss everybody having to be politically correct. You like a guy who's just going to tell you how it is once in a while. I'm not saying everybody. They're still there. They're just not. You got to throw them in a little bit more. I think people feel a little calmer. What did you feel a little calmer if you knew the mafia was running your neighbor?
Starting point is 00:53:21 They did keep the neighborhood safe. I mean, the irony is they did. The only problem is you, if you had a business, you'd have to give a cutaway. Just like having a manager. But then, but then are you worried? Especially now. I know the agent's necessary, but is the manager also necessary? They were the manager.
Starting point is 00:53:38 There was the manager. You had to give another 10%. Give him a cut. Yeah. Yeah, it's just nice. It's nice to know. Very similar. Yeah, very similar.
Starting point is 00:53:45 You know, you missed the old world a little bit. Now, did you grow up big baseball? Big baseball? My father was a big baseball fan and he put me, he was a big, uh, Red Sox fan. Interesting. Because I think Dominicans are probably the biggest baseball. And the best baseball players, I think. They're number one.
Starting point is 00:54:01 Yeah, he was. And I couldn't get into Boston, bro. I became a Yankees fan. Okay. He hated that. Yeah. How did he become a Red Sox fan in New York? Man, Dominicans love Boston Red Sox, bro.
Starting point is 00:54:13 It's just a thing. Even, yeah. Why is that? Like, not because of Big Pops. Is that because of Manny? Yeah. Mani was also Dominican. No, that was the Manny era, by the way.
Starting point is 00:54:21 This was the David Ortiz Manny era that my pops put me onto baseball. But a lot of Dominicans in New York, bro, are Boston fans, which I think is atrocious. You can't be that. Shout out Boston. You felt me. I love y'all, but you can't be a Boston thing. Yeah. So I was a Yankees fan and then 09 World Series.
Starting point is 00:54:41 I cut school to go. Yankees Phillies. Yep. I played against Manning. I played as kids. What do you mean? In baseball? He played for Bonnies.
Starting point is 00:54:50 Yeah, in baseball. What's wild about Manny Ramirez is he was like a man. He grew up in New York but never learned English. I know. Isn't that wild? Washington Heights. In Washington Heights, you can get by with. that. You can get by not knowing the life. You not have to speak English. Just like in
Starting point is 00:55:05 Flushing Queens, you don't have to, you can just speak Chinese. I know, I'm serious. You can have a full life. Bro. No, his stats is too good, bro. Yeah. Fuck English. For what? Dude, when you go to Doral, like outside Miami, like, a lot of people do not speak English. At all. I'm fine with that. They call a little Venezuela. I mean, it's just, you go in there and you're like, can I get two waters? And they're like, yeah, like, it's just they don't speak. You go to the drive-thru? I think I seen something like that. His lady went to, she, like, got off the highway and went to a random Taco Bell. And the lady did not.
Starting point is 00:55:33 In Florida. In Florida. Wow. Yeah. She was like, Como staz? Come on the brother? And the lady started talking to English. And she was like, no, speak. No, speak it today. And she was pissed, bro. And like, she recorded it. And it was everywhere. Oh, my God. Do you do, you like my performing in Miami? Do you do go? Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:55:53 We fucking, this like 1,700 people over there just now. Nice. improv and just that audience there, bro. They come for a party. They come for. Yeah. Support. They don't come for like stand up.
Starting point is 00:56:07 They come for a party. I think we fucking, I think, I don't know if I'm talking shit here, but I think we broke the liquor record that weekend. I believe it. Yeah, because again, bro, the people that come to my shows aren't people that come to stand-up comedy show. Right. This is a whole new.
Starting point is 00:56:22 Night outfit. And these, my people, bro, we're used to going to the club and spending $3,000 on bottles. Believe it, bro. So if they're there, they're like, okay, we're at the club. Yeah, yeah. They don't buy drinks, bro. No, how much is the bottle?
Starting point is 00:56:36 Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. So the question I have is you broke the liquor record. Mm-hmm. But what would the waitresses say they were tipped or not tipped? Fuck you. What would the waitress say about the tipping record?
Starting point is 00:56:52 Was that broke? Was that? Look, man. Or did somebody get five bucks on a 900? dollar bill you know what it is all right look in DR there's not no tipping culture
Starting point is 00:57:07 over there okay there's no tipping like if you leave 20% on the I remember I was with my family and I was leaving them 20% and they literally look at you like are you fucking dumb like what the hell you think you're doing like give me right right right you can't they
Starting point is 00:57:22 they feel insulted right away if I'm a family yeah I can see that I could see that coming where like a tip people like Like, you know, I was just in Vegas and I tried to tip the general manager of the club and he got a little insulted. He was like, what do you think I need this? I was like, no, I just thought it was the right thing to do. I think. Some people feel that way. I get it. I do got to start shouting out the tip the. Yeah, I think I did shout out the staff. You listen, we all have to tell our audience to certain things. Yeah. I think, you know what I mean? You tell your audience, hey, don't forget to get the way staff. They work here.
Starting point is 00:57:52 They work here, you know? They don't get paid of salary. That's what it is. Yeah. I have to say, I think Hispanic. Puerto Rican Dominican audiences are the funnest. I think if I look back, the most fun I've had doing comedy is doing those more recent shows. Yeah, because the energy... So fun. The energy's crazy.
Starting point is 00:58:11 Because they actually let loose. I know being a white person, having a white family, and I know it's even illuminated even more because, you know, a wife's Puerto Rican, it's like, I have a very boring, cold, stiff... That's the culture. It's like, we don't get excited where my wife's having fun every day. I don't know how you people sit there on fucking Christmas and don't
Starting point is 00:58:27 drink and get escorted out of here by an ambulance. It's like, it's Jesus's birthday. They dress up. I mean, they look good. I mean, it's like, it's a night out, the women, just like, it's just the best. Yeah, let me ask you this. As you know, you're a big, you know, Dominican comic or representative of Dominican community, us as white guys, as white comics, I think that, you know, I'm always talking about my Puerto Rican wife. Yon is stressed us up as a Puerto Rican transgender person.
Starting point is 00:58:51 I think we are accepted by the Latino community as white guys that they fuck with. Yeah. We're whites, we're whites that are okay. we're good whites to them. We're good whites, I think, to the Latino comedy community. I'm speaking for them? Yeah, you're the best elected you.
Starting point is 00:59:07 I elect you because I think we're good whites. I think they definitely fuck with us. I don't think that, I don't think the Latino community has a problem with us. We would know if they didn't fuck with us. I'd fuck with you. I'm saying. So my ticket sales said they fuck with them.
Starting point is 00:59:20 Yeah, I've noted, I, it's so funny. You say that, dude. It's so funny because I was in, where the fuck was I? somewhere. Oh, randomly, Charleston, South Carolina. I don't know why. I was at the Riviera something down there, theater or whatever. And the guy who was there had booked a couple of my shows, live nation guy. He had been to whatever, eight or nine of my shows. He goes, you know, Chris, I got to be honest. He goes, every city we do with you, you bring out the Latinos and the
Starting point is 00:59:46 gays. They always just come out. Latinos and the gays. He was like, I don't know what it is. He's like, I don't know what it is. He's like, you got Latino women coming out and then gay guys. And I'm like, it's just what it is. We got the same audience. Yeah. Yeah, but the Latinos and the gays, that's big. That's how you sell tickets. You want, you want groups, you know, a little trick here is you really want groups of women to fuck with you because they go out in groups. Yeah. Guys are like, they're like, I'm not a fucking homo.
Starting point is 01:00:14 Yeah, guys. Uh-huh. Where women, you want, because a girl will come out with 12 of her girlfriends, and that's what you want. The only white people I do get at my show is the husband of that smoking hot. Right. Gringo. Yeah. Sergio was saying,
Starting point is 01:00:30 he's fucking hot Latinas. He goes, the white guy's good in there. I can't take these fucking Latinos. Oh, he's fucking hot Latinos. Yeah. They'd be like six white people in my audience.
Starting point is 01:00:41 Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. The white people got to, they got to come fuck with me over there, I guess. Right. I feel like it's more acceptable, too,
Starting point is 01:00:49 for the Latino women to be with the white guys. But if black girls with a white guy, the black community gets upset at that. They're like taking the women. I think not anymore. But I still don't think it's, I think it's a little. bit more frowned upon. I think Latinos, it's more okay. Oh, 100%, bro. Yeah, but I think it's not like
Starting point is 01:01:05 it used to, I think like, I mean, Dirk Nguinsky's got a black, nobody cares anymore, you know? Probably not as much as before. Back then it was, it was nasty. Back then it was like a thing. Yeah. Right now it's like, we're coming together. Yeah, people, though. You know what's interesting, you see it a lot in Virginia. What? Whenever I go to Virginia, I always see a lot of interracial couples. I don't know what it is about Virginia, but you'll see a white guy with a black woman. The most I've seen is in Virginia for some. That's the real America over there. You're right on the one on the border of North and South.
Starting point is 01:01:34 Yeah. I had a show in Richmond, Virginia, at the, you guys know it. I know Richmond State Capitol. The Richmond, a Sandman? Yeah. Or the Richmond funny or the theater. There's a Richmond funny bone. I did the sand, whatever it's called.
Starting point is 01:01:49 Yeah, some. That was the most non-Latino audience I've had. White or Blacks? Both. Yeah. Yeah, it was both. So did you do all English there? So this is, again, I'm like learning, you know.
Starting point is 01:02:01 So like the first time I ever bombed Broadway comedy club, like 11.45 p.m. on a Monday night or some, one of them weeks. Sure. Those are tough. This is full of just tourists, really. Sure. And I went up there, started, this was like right when I first started doing stand-up. I went up there talking about fucking morfongo and all kinds of Spanish food. And it was just like, they were like, what? Yeah, they're from Switzerland.
Starting point is 01:02:28 Right. It's like what I did, Maurice at the, at the Schaumburgh. With the Greeks, right? And I didn't know it was all Greek, because I actually had a Greek character, too, that was popular. And I would do both. I started to do both. And I went out there, and when Morisa would come out, the place would go nuts. And we played the song, and it was just, you hear it echo.
Starting point is 01:02:47 You know, the improv there is just kind of. And it's fucking dark. It's dark. You don't see the crowd. And it was fucking nobody, they didn't even know. what was going on. Like, they didn't even know her. But just shows the internet,
Starting point is 01:03:01 it's like the Greeks knew Panos. They had no, they didn't know what the fuck was going on. Did you just do it? We did five minutes. Yeah, I moved the microphone like this. I told Angelo, I said, she shot out, rest in peace.
Starting point is 01:03:11 I said, let's wrap it up. Like that way, wrap it up. And then you can't have a bottle. Because bombing in the dress, it's different. It's different, right? It's different. It's different. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:20 And you have the chanclatas on right? When you bomb in an outfit, yeah. It's different. It's more humiliating. Yeah. You're putting effort. Yeah, that would you take that wig off. It's a little sweaty.
Starting point is 01:03:29 Yeah. Wow. Different, totally different experience. Yo, so in February, we got San Jose Improv. Where else in February? Scroll up a little bit. San Jose is coming up. Okay, we got a lot of dates from my man, Roddell in February.
Starting point is 01:03:42 Irvine, California, on the 18th, 19th, Ontario, 22nd, Tempe, 23rd, L.A., 25th, San Jose. So February, if you're going to do anything for Black History Month, support our Dominican friend, Roddell Ortiz. I got one question. I saw on your Instagram, you were at like a... concert with the she's so hot what's her name Anna Armaz or oh Anna de Armas oh gorgeous goods how isn't that Ben Afflex X uh huh I thought of been together that was that that was actually at in at the casita and bad bunny's residency in Puerto Rico oh yeah how is she how does she look in person beautiful I get to the fucking airport right and I see Anna de Armas there and she's like I mean
Starting point is 01:04:21 there's there's very few people that you see that literally just like she's stunning no yeah Yeah, she's a beautiful woman, yeah. Not as much with my girlfriend, you know. Of course. Right, right, right, right. You got to say that. Yeah. She's going to be checking this out, probably.
Starting point is 01:04:33 But I was with my girlfriend. I'm like, yo, that's fucking honor the arm months, bro. And she's how it gives a fuck. Right. There's people lining up. Who said me? Yeah. I care.
Starting point is 01:04:43 Your girlfriend was like, she's like pretty on camera. She's all right. She's like waiting there for her fucking luggage. And so am I. By herself or no security or anything? No, she had like six people there with her. Yeah, yeah. And there's people walking up to her asking for pictures.
Starting point is 01:04:56 and me, I wouldn't dare. No. You know, and I'm like, and I'm finally, I'm like, bro, this is my fucking chance to go and get a picture. 100%. And finally, while I'm doing that, and I'm nervous, somebody comes and asks me for a picture. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:11 So that was perfect. Good timing. She didn't fucking see it. Oh, no. You guys ask him to do it again. You guys say, yo, hold up. Do it louder. Yeah, you said you do it louder.
Starting point is 01:05:22 So she didn't see it. She didn't see it, bro. She didn't see me get an ass for a picture. But then that gave me the courage. I'm like, you know what? I'm somebody too. Fuck you. Fuck you.
Starting point is 01:05:31 So I went up to her, I asked her for a picture, and we took two pictures. And in one of them, she's like put on a real seductive face. I'll show you it. Yeah. And I was like, she fucking wants me so bad. This one, yeah. But then I'm like, all right, never see her again. The next night, I'm 25 Moscow mules deep.
Starting point is 01:05:50 Wow. Yeah, I've had 25 of them. By the time I got their day drinking. Yeah, of course. Love me a Moscow. You went over, your mommy. No, she was at the Casita, bro. Mind you, you know the Casita.
Starting point is 01:06:01 That was, I know it's Bad Bunny's show, but he had, he puts a, you remember the house in the Super Bowl that Cardi B was sending? Yeah. In the dead center of the arena, picture Madison Square Garden. That's, they literally call it Stage B. Uh-huh. He puts an actual fucking house in the dead center of the arena. And people going.
Starting point is 01:06:18 It's an actual house. I'm talking about there's a kitchen, living room, big screen TV, playing the thing, but when you walk out, you're in the fucking You're on his stage. He hangs out with people in the house and then goes, let's go perform outside and you're in an arena? Some of the concert happens there. I'll show you afterwards.
Starting point is 01:06:38 But it's only, you can't buy a ticket to be in the casita. You have to get invited. You have to get invited. So we got fucking invited. So you were in the arena in the casita? In the casita. So of course, Anna de Armas is in there. That's smart.
Starting point is 01:06:51 And Anna de Armas shows up and she's fucking. So now you're. Golden. And then I was talking to her a little bit because I had that liquid courage. You feel me? Oh, of course. But then I was kind of like, yeah, I'm a fuck. I kind of feel like one of these fucking fat assholes like just trying to hang out, you know? But then I went backstage to go see Ruben Blaze. Shout out Ruben Blaze. Shout out about most fucking legendary people of all time. Look him up. Um, he was the invited guest that night. He always bring out a legendary salsa artist. So I go backstage. I'm kicking it with him. He actually, actually,
Starting point is 01:07:24 did a movie with Anna da Armas. So I was like, yo, Anna's here. And he was like, oh, tell her, tell her, you know, that I'm here to, you know, like, let's connect or whatever. So on my way back, I'm like, yeah, I got to have a little talking about, boy. So I go back, I'm like, hey, so you know, you know Rubin, right? She was like, Ruben, right? She was like, yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:47 I'm like, oh, yeah, I was just chilling with him backstage. He told me to tell you what's up and her face lit up. Yeah. And I was so bricked up. Yeah. You almost left your wife, right? Even just for the chance. Anna de Armis is one of those ones where the wife would actually understand.
Starting point is 01:08:01 I mean, I wouldn't care if she would or not. I'd just do it. You would just deal with it. I'll just deal with the consequence. Deal with the repercussions. Yeah. I tell my daughter's like, Daddy, obviously, hasn't lived here in the last 15 years. But now that you're old enough to know, look at who's, look at Anna Day Orris.
Starting point is 01:08:15 I had so much hate messages, bro, when I posted her. Of course. People were going to hate. People were jealous. Oh, yeah. A lot of the hate messages was from my girlfriend also. Of course. Fuck you.
Starting point is 01:08:26 You didn't post me. It was all her from different accounts. Fuck you. You fucking fat piece of shit. I should have left you 10 years ago. You're like, who is this? Some ghost accounts saying personal details only she would know. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:39 That's funny. Well, yeah, I'm jealous. I got to meet her. It was definitely great, bro. That's the highlight. Oh, yeah. Well, that's good. We'll see our boy.
Starting point is 01:08:47 And then that's it, man. Now you can't say that this is not a cultured podcast. Yeah. Culture, bro. Some season in this. Bro, we've had the ethnic array of guests we've had, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:00 I mean, good look. We went for David Cross, the widest guy in the room when we got Rodel Ortiz, and I'm happy we got Roddell. Fuck David Cross. Fuck, David Cross. Exactly.
Starting point is 01:09:06 We got John Stamos Greek. We got a Dominican now. Sergio Puerto Rican. We need to get somebody black in here. We got perfect. We never had anybody black on the show? Pac-Man. We had Pac-Man.
Starting point is 01:09:18 We had him Pac-Man Jones. And then in the first run, we had a lot of black people. Yeah. We had God-free. We had a bunch of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so now we, I would like to get a trans person on.
Starting point is 01:09:27 Let's do that. Yeah. Put the wig on. Yeah. Nick, any questions? Any, any Latino inspired questions? He just wants a picture, bro. Shout out to Latinos, man.
Starting point is 01:09:36 Yeah, hell yeah, bro. All my good are making friends love you. All one's in the Bronx, they love you. Yeah, bro. Yeah. Thank you. Shout out my fucking Latinos. Latinos.
Starting point is 01:09:45 Nick is one of, Nick is a Latino that doesn't, he wants to be white. Unfortunately, he loves wrestling and white stuff and anime. So we got to get a lot. him in more in touch with the Latino side because he's, you know, on food stamps. I got it. That's true. That is true, yeah. I just started watching anime, too, bro.
Starting point is 01:10:02 Attack on Titan, I saw. I'm actually not into anime. I'm just into wrestling. Oh, okay. Oh, really? I thought you were into anime. No. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:10:09 I'm not to do that gay shit. Come on. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Rentee wrestling is a little gayer than anime. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:15 Yeah, we'll talk. Guys rolling around and after the rock, bro. My Greek mother-in-law follows you. So it's not just Dominicans and Latinos following you. Yeah. You got a funny, funny guy. I'll be at the fucking next holiday party. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:26 Amazing. You've been talking about mother-in-law. Isn't that wild? What would you do if you came home and said? That would be hilarious. Would it be nuts? If he showed up at Greek Easter, that would be hilarious. Yeah, playing dominoes with her.
Starting point is 01:10:37 Johnny, how do you say? You know, it's funny because Greeks and Latinos, there's certain things that are very similar. Domino's is one of them. Another thing is they have weepa, which is just like, you know, you say, weepa when you just excited, whatever. Puerto Ricans. Yeah, that's their word. Puerto Ricans.
Starting point is 01:10:52 and then Greeks have Upa. It's the same thing as Wepa. It's just very interesting. Should we start Upa? Remember we used to do Weepa Wednesday? Should we start? Upa in the morning? Upa in the morning.
Starting point is 01:11:04 Well, bro, thanks for coming out, Paul. I had a great time, man. You too. Follow him on Instagram. Follow him everywhere. Go see him on tour. Go see him on tour and next time we'll drink that. Amen.
Starting point is 01:11:18 Because, as always, you go to patreon.com slash history hyenas. We pick out the funniest winners of people who have the funniest names. I do, we did miss one over the last couple of weeks that I have written down. We're going to start off with with this person because they've reached out to us a couple of times. And their name is Frisbee's leveled the praying field. Latter 14. Explain that one. I don't get. Fries leveled the praying field. Like the playing field, but the praying field, meaning that frisbee's leveled the praying field, meaning they hit. saying it's
Starting point is 01:11:52 Oh Walked in one Very creative Yeah For the end of the year That's what it is for the end of the year Now I'm just going to say you're for the end of the year So that's what it is
Starting point is 01:12:04 Okay Good one So here's the list here As always Patreon.com So history I mean us We got Carl's trans daughter Call me Tucker
Starting point is 01:12:13 Carl's son Okay good try Good try Ann Eileen Welcome Welcome Ann Eileen Thank you for joining It's good to have you here.
Starting point is 01:12:21 Christopher really appreciates it. Christopher Harlan. Netanyahu playing Palestinian Frogger. Okay, it's for you. For the end of the year. End of the year. My cellmate told me that tattoo was a symbol for peace. My bad.
Starting point is 01:12:35 Swastika joke. Yeah, yeah, it's for the end of the year. Connor Ryan. This one is disparaging my wife, so can't do that. I can't see that right away. And that doesn't go on to the walk to one of those. That just gets eliminated. It doesn't even get red.
Starting point is 01:12:50 Yeah. So that's the problem with that one. No more disparaging family members. Unless it's really funny. Yeah, it's got to be really funny. This one's not funny enough. The Red Sea was easier to part than Janus's eyes. We're going to put that one on the list.
Starting point is 01:13:01 Because that's a contender right off to that. Because I imagine the Red Sea was really hard to part. Yeah, it's just what it is. What's eating Gilbert's gape? Good try. So now this one, the Red Sea, was easier to part than Janus's eyes because you're assuming a male wrote that your father. But if you were sure a woman did, you would get upset. I'd get upset.
Starting point is 01:13:18 Yeah, that's what it is. I really would get up. Actually, when the women do make the joke, it upsets you. It upsets me, yes. By the way, have you looked at our Patreon? Some of these girls are fucking pieces. Unless you're using fake profile pics. No, no, no.
Starting point is 01:13:30 We got a lot of pieces. Yeah, if you're not on the Patreon, you're missing out on some pieces. Yeah. We have the best patron. We just have it. We just have the best Patreon. Yeah. Who has more fun?
Starting point is 01:13:42 I know a lot of you people are subscribed to other people's patrons and that's great, but like, tell us who's more fun than ours. This thing, the name. Our community is. The funnest community. No, everybody else just goes there for a bonus episode. We have a bonus episode plus this community.
Starting point is 01:13:55 Our fans are hilarious. What's eating Gilbert's Gap? Yeah. Jeffrey Reyes. Clit Romney. Instead of Mitt Romney. Check and finger. Nice one.
Starting point is 01:14:04 It's not gay if it's my clone. Put it on the list. Interesting. Because it's an interesting little loophole. Yeah. That's an interesting little loophole. If you're fucking yourself. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:15 It's the same thing as masturbating. I mean, it's another person. Yeah. This is a very deep philosophical. question and my friend you got a catapult for that yeah it's not okay if it's my clone yeah it's not a great name but it's also philosophical question it's a very open-ended philosophical question that's not solved yet Eric then we got chinkin my armor and frisbee in my pocket okay way so I don't get that I don't know get my armor SSD Siziki Samelier at UCF okay that's very funny you're saying he
Starting point is 01:14:45 he samples the Siziki which has come at UCF which is United it comes some Malier. Yeah. Which UCF, if you're new to the show, is undercover. Yeah. So he samples to Suzuki. It's really funny. Very funny.
Starting point is 01:15:00 I'm going to put him on the list. Very inside baseball. I don't think he's going to win, but he deserves to be on it. Very esoteric for our show. Yeah. Used Honda pilot drives in snow, but not over ice. I know it's some sort of ice joke. Yes.
Starting point is 01:15:13 It's used Honda pilot. It means he's a driver of a Honda. Was that the car that the chick was driving? Maybe, maybe. Drives it as snow but not over ice. My ma is my gumma. That's interesting. That's kind of gross.
Starting point is 01:15:27 That's really gross. Yeah. Yeah. If St. Matthias' candle is burning, then so is Chris. Okay? Yeah. Yeah, because you did something bad. Yeah, it's what it is.
Starting point is 01:15:37 Yeah. Genghis Khan, Owen Taylor. Babe, shit with the door open and the lid closed. Put him on the lid. Yeah, it's very interesting. Have some fun. Shit on top. at a toilet. Louis cheese.
Starting point is 01:15:52 Christina, Bill, glue gun, Gary. Funny, chicken finger. Father Bill munching on Greta's Thunberger. I am the captain now child care services. It's an old one. It's funny.
Starting point is 01:16:04 Good one though. In the shower, I turn red washcloths into ladybugs. Put spots on them. Put spots on them. The red, so that it looks like ladybuck because it has like shit spots. Yeah, okay. Very funny. chicken figure. I mean, I'm going to Drexler. First Drexler, yeah. Uncerked, jerk, Trump is back, so I'm back
Starting point is 01:16:25 to work. Okay. Josh P. sent Foreman to pick up ice, but ICE picked him up. Okay. Kevin Kelly, Ben twice, Charlie Tong, Koltor Komlefsky, Tom, Matt Campbell, Abdullah Elmi, Brian Myers, Alcohol Monkey, My Blanket caught the flu, Cusie, Iceman 87 van, Banjo Buck, Hyena Pen Security, glue gun named General Custer because it shoots Leroy's Oh Wei Song Xien Okay
Starting point is 01:16:55 Nick you got to tell your friends to stop joining the Patriot Yeah Real Pro Fire Corn Fire Life Safety Services Give my cut of the Patreon to Nick you fucking Jews Lot of 14
Starting point is 01:17:09 Little about the list Okay Put about the list That's what it is Yeah Gengashon Hyena's bobblehead night A.k.a. Booked in India. I don't get that. I don't get it.
Starting point is 01:17:24 All right. Jack Reinhardt. Chris E.D.'s burnt off asswort returned. I feel like it's growing again. Benjamin Carrera, Amanda Rivera, smush me with Orepaz until I'm masduro. Cole Thomas. Good try. It might be short, but at least it's thin. Drexler. Titus, drapsol, Abashakdawan, Bo Mezic Mike Cannon's golden retriever
Starting point is 01:17:48 Oh God Because his dad ran over it Ran over it yeah Unfortunately Off the beam like Charlie Sheen Because laser beams Clip my PIN, Latter 14 So just a good rhyme scheme
Starting point is 01:17:58 Yeah Hopefully catching pink eye From her stink eye Okay the kid wants pink eye What Kid wants to eat her ass He wants to sweeper chimney It's just what it is
Starting point is 01:18:08 Sauce Monkey But I look mussey Call me a San Nogroni Okay My Fruit of the Loon is a tomb of fumes. Love it, and it's going on the list. Okay, there you go.
Starting point is 01:18:19 That's funny. We got all contenders today. Yeah. My fruit of the loom is a tomb of fumes. Yeah, that it could be the winner. S.E.S. 4. James, Nicholas Reinsh, Squiggly, the squid, hose. Leroy wearing a screen mask so I can finally shop in peace.
Starting point is 01:18:36 Put it on the list. Okay. Put it on the list. Because he actually looks scary, but he's saying it's easier to shop. He's very mad being black. It's very funny. playing fetch with my German Shepherd I throw a ball he comes back with a frisbee
Starting point is 01:18:48 throw about a list sometimes they break through and walked in ones yeah because that is so original that is so fucking good yeah I I wish these were on different lists because I don't want to choose between that one and the one before
Starting point is 01:19:04 it's yeah that yeah that is just so original Kay Rossin Lane Matthew Darner bro from the Congo look ma no hands um ladder 14 Oh, that's bad. Because we have so many.
Starting point is 01:19:17 You want to stop and we have too many. Well, we got to just finish the end of the... I just feel bad because you're not going to win. Rio Grande swim team. It's a real good one. It's a real good one. Way song she is. I mean, what do we do?
Starting point is 01:19:29 I'm putting it on the list. On the list. That's a real good one. It's a fight. Julian, Ed Blinder, Edward Livingston, Trail of Tears Laugh's Laugh. Nick, Jordan Raysore. I cockblock women.
Starting point is 01:19:41 It's what it is. Straight to the crack because I'm black and gay. Okay. Welcome. Lat of 14. We got all races and all cultures and religions listening and we love that. Hope is my hedge, but my toe is already off the edge. Kids falling off the beam. Okay. Billy Williams. Are we at 2,000 members yet because Mommy needs a new pair of tities? Oh, we got to pay for someone's titty. Okay, it's right, which we will. We promised that it. Yeah. Tom Feedback, Michael Olsner. Tom Feedback. Oh, there's your boy. Yeah, great guy. Morgan Meyer, deport cash Patel. Oh, God.
Starting point is 01:20:13 Far right, tucked back, calling me Sidney Swilner. You know what's funny, though? This just shows you everything's tied to politics and, like, everyone's a hypocrite. Like, if you said deport Cash Patel, who's a citizen, people in the left would go, yeah, deport him.
Starting point is 01:20:29 Right. They want him gone. Right. Even though he's a citizen. Yeah. They wouldn't say, hey, that's racist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They want Cash Patel God.
Starting point is 01:20:36 Yeah. Everyone filters everything through their world. Through their world. Not like what the actual... You're going, wait, he's a citizen. He goes, no, I hate him. So deport him. Yeah. And then last but not least, Dingleberry Dan's Nugget removal service.
Starting point is 01:20:48 Dingleberry Dan is a goodie. Goody. Yeah, but if it was just thinking this is it, don't read another. No, I don't think you should because we got so many Hall of Famers here. Okay. That's fine by me. All right, so here is the list. The Red Sea was easier to part than Yanni's eyes. I was hopeful for this guy, but he got upstaged. Yeah. Unfortunately, yeah. It's not gay if it's my clone.
Starting point is 01:21:08 Good philosophical question, but the back of the list, just came too strong. But we do want people to question that and write the answers on the Patreon. We want someone who's, we want an egghead to figure that out. Siziki, Somaliate UCF? Funny one, but we're going to have to drink. Unfortunately, it's just any other day. If you want to see the definition
Starting point is 01:21:27 of UCF, go to History, Hyenas is back.com. We got a glossary up there of all our terms. If you're new to the show, you can go check, if you don't know what a word is, go check out our glossary. We got it up there. Sabrina the Hyena updates it on a weekly basis. Babe, shit with the door open and the lid closed.
Starting point is 01:21:43 It's real funny, but I feel like they're stronger. Yeah, because I don't care of what is. It's just a pile of shit on top of the toilet? Yeah, it's just having a good time. Yeah, the guy's just having a really good time. And I love those once in a while. It just doesn't have to be witty or anything. It's just, hey, baby, let's leave the door open and shit with the lid closed.
Starting point is 01:21:59 But it's off the lid. It's a good party. All right. You can say, let's, if you want to have a real party, that would be a good expression. Like, tonight we're going to fucking shit with the door open and the lid closed. And the lid close. Give my cut of the Patreon to Nick, you fucking Jews. Very funny.
Starting point is 01:22:13 but we're going to upstage it. Nick's saying to keep it. Yeah, he wants to keep it. Yeah, because Nick wants to cut. Yeah, he wants to cut. My Fruit of the Looms is a tomb of the room. We're keeping that as a contender. Leroy wearing a scream mask so I can finally shop in peace.
Starting point is 01:22:28 I think it's funny, but I think we're going to Drexler it. Playing fetch with my German Shepherd, I throw a ball. He comes back with a frisbee. I mean, it's just too funny. It's just way too funny. And then last but at least, Rio Grande Swim team. that's another way too funny. So those are our three.
Starting point is 01:22:46 Okay. So it is between... Again, I'd like to say, we do this right. We do this right. My Fruit of the Looms is a tomb of fumes. Playing fetch with my German Shepherd, I throw a ball, he comes back with a frisbee, or the Rio Grande swim team.
Starting point is 01:22:58 They're all really good. The Rio Grande swim team is an absolute Hall of Fame chicken finger. That's the definition. If a chicken finger we're going to win, it would be that one. But I think we just got two funnier ones. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:09 But the Rio Grande swim team is hilarious because that's how illegals usually swim into the country. It's what it is. For the Rio Grande. So then there's really between my fruit of the looms is a tomb of fumes or playing fetch with my German shepherd. I throw a ball. He comes back with a frisbee.
Starting point is 01:23:23 I mean, he's a German shepherd, so the kid just does what German shepherd do. And frisbys for anyone new is a person with a yamaica. It's a person with a yarmica. We just call in frisbee. It's fun. So the pun works here. And then my fles, it's funny. It's just a tomb of fumes with the rhyme scheme.
Starting point is 01:23:39 Right. So basically we're going with. a borderline walked into one which is really craven funnly or we're going with an absolute Hall of Fame chicken finger. We're going to vote on this one. We're going to vote on this. Tough. Nick. There's four of us we're going to vote. What do you got? German Shepherd Frisbee or Tomb of Fumes, Fruit of the Looms. Fruit of the Looms. You like Fruit of Looms, Tomb of Fumes. It is interesting. Jesse? Yeah, I'm a sucker for a good fart joke. Yeah. And you know what? We do have so many
Starting point is 01:24:05 Frisbee, so many of that joke. You're the deciding vote here. And you know, and even though my dog is 25% German Shepherd. I do think that Fruit of the Looms is a Tomb of Fumes is just something we haven't heard at all. And it's very funny. And it's kind of more family friendly. Yes. And I like that. I think that's the winner personally.
Starting point is 01:24:24 And I want to just say to the other guy, very funny, don't stop writing. You got good material. Keep it going. So my Fruit of the Looms is a Tomb of Fumes. Congratulations. You are the PPW, the pseudopinus of the week. You are a big winner. Go to History.
Starting point is 01:24:38 Hyenasis is back.com. So you name up in lights. patreon.com slash history hyenas to be part of this community and hear every single bonus episode and every episode that's out on YouTube with no ads. Ad free, that's a big perk. So we are going to continue at the Patreon right now.

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