History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Is Trump Right on Panama Canal?

Episode Date: February 13, 2025

The boys rattle off the history of the Panama Canal and how we got to where we are today with it. Donald Trump wants it back, and even prior administrations had concerns over who controls it and the rising costs of using it. Are we in a new Cold War, and does the Hong Kong billionaire who controls its entry and exit play a role? Enjoy the boys cracking open and cleaning out the Panama Canal. Support our sponsors: Start your free online visit today at https://Hims.com/HYENAS. Head to https://acorns.com/HYENAS or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today! Rula patients typically pay $15 per session when using insurance. Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at https://www.rula.com/hyenas #rulapod #comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://teespring.com/stores/historyhyenas Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. What's up everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Christy Stefano, aka Christy Stein, the I. With me as always, Janis Papis, aka Yanni Longflights.

Listen to me, today we're gonna have a great episode about the Panama Canal. We're gonna tell you folks real quick why Donald Trump was right about the Panama Canal and we're gonna talk about a lot of fun things and make absolutely no mistake, Yannis came in today to the office with another jacket that was cute cute cute as a button and I know the kid got it half-price because as much as he tries to deny it the kid does have a JB. Yeah I got that from my dad who always used to like to get his suits at Sims. Yeah. I don't know if Sims is still around but he always like he'd go I got a new polo at Sims and he would

always brag about the discount. He grew up around Jews. The boys of Brooklyn were Jews. Rest in peace to the great Chris Poppice which is what I use as a pseudo name for when I check into hotels I just call myself Chris Pappas and I always have. But Chris Pappas, the one and only, well I met him a couple of times, but the one time I spoke to him on the phone, Yannis had shown him my comedy and he said to me, he said, Chris, he said, you know, you're a good kid, funny kid. He goes, and you're a good looking kid, you got a face that looks like he could play for the Dodgers.

Yeah, he did say that. So I don't know what that even meant. Yeah, that's just the way. I said, are you saying I'm Dominican, sir? He's basically just saying, I mean, that's just his frame of reference. He grew up, he called them Johnny Pumps, he called them Puerto Ricans, and if you're good looking,

he said you could play for the Dodgers. Yeah, it's what it is. And that's just what it is, because the Dodgers were in Brooklyn, and that's just what a kid who grew up in Brooklyn, that's just how he talks. And he was a great guy, and when he, and right now he's petting Larry in heaven.

In the gay part of heaven. He's in the gay part of heaven, yeah. Yeah, and... You're gonna have to answer to Jesus Christ for what you tried to do to Larry. You're gonna have to answer. Yeah. Did you go to confession, have you told the father about that you tried to kill your mom's dog because it barked too much?

Yeah. You're the opposite of the son of Sam. Yeah, but... Son of Sam would listen to the dog, and you would... Maybe if you would have listened to the dog, you would have sold your house! It's what it is, cuz, but I feel like I've made up for the sins of trying to kill my dog by taking in migrants. He's a cheater. He's part of what's left of Westchester.

That's a good point. That's what it is. So God, he giveth and he taketh away, and I've just been an overall good kid otherwise. Yeah, and that's what happens when you have a guy rub his balls on your eye. You get a stye. What did you do this weekend? What kind of male president do for Craigslist came over your house and gave you a fucking stye? Cuz I woke up with a pimple on my eye and I immediately thought because here's what the truth is what I think that this is from this time I I think it's from

possibly stress because I'm looking at houses all over. Or it could have been a right hand from Jazz. It could have been that. But I am looking at... I'm putting in offers in every location in the continental United States. Yeah, cuz. So that's just what it is. We're all over the place. I think I'm stressed out. But I also think cuz it's just... And I really believe this. I just as a goof, just as a goof, I like to... I thought you said goop. Goop? Yeah, just as a goop, I'll be with them on Bad Friends on Wednesdays. I'll be with one of them. So you're with the goop and not the redhead. I'm with the goop.

Yeah. So it's a little cheating. I would call him Sanjay Goopda. That's, you got Andrew said, you know, it's Sanjay Goopda. Sanjay Goopda, yeah. That's what we call him. And so if you know, you know. Yeah.

So but I fart into my phone, like just to be funny, like I fart and I record it, I send it to my friends, you know, I'm 40, but that's what I do. Yeah. And I ripped one at the house that I was looking at into the phone. It was funny. Jasmine actually heard it from the bathroom. It was like an open house and she was very mad at me. Right. But I was like, no, but Jazz, you have to understand like this one, the echo on this one was like something you've never heard. It was worth it because of the empty furniture in there. Yeah. It sounded like it was, it was underwater. Yeah. It was great. because of the empty furniture in there. It sounded like it was underwater. Yeah.

It was great. Yeah. It's great to fart in open houses because there's no furniture. You get a nice reverb. And my friends were dying laughing when they heard it. But I think what happened was I farted bare ass onto it. And then I started talking on my phone. And I think I got clipped in the eye.

You starred yourself. I think I starred myself. I think I opened my own asshole on my own. Right. Right. Right. That's what I think happened now How long did it take you to come up with that story to cover for the fact that you had a guy's balls on your face?

I because it was either that sounds like the dog ate my homework honestly I gotta be honest with you. I came up with it last night at the glory hall That's what it was cuz I because you're Chrissy aka Zillow Chrissy your Zillow Chrissy cuz make Listen is your home page Zillow now. It's Zillow I I am looking on there's not a listing if you send me a listing on Zillow just know I already saw it Yeah, just know that there's nothing new that you can get past me I'm looking cuz the Phoenix area is very cute you ever think about Phoenix, but no it's not in New York But then how can...

If they could move Phoenix to New York, would you live there? I would, and as long as I could keep my stepson in the same high school in Queens. So can I get direct flights every morning from Phoenix to Queens? I could do it for two years. It's only two more years. Yeah, and that's the point. It's all about roots. It's all about roots.

I never knew how important roots were to commerce. And the Panama Canal Just has to have an American flag on it that yes, we're taking it back. I'm sorry Trump was right about a lot of things and sometimes people are right at the time that they live Jimmy Carter gave her away You can make a good argument that he gave it away for a good reason at that time the peanut farmer did what the peanut farmer had To do but now yeah Trumpy that's where your head came from a Jimmy Carter peanut farm that's what happened I mean listen I was born I think right when I was born a couple years later your head was grown in a Jimmy Carter farm I mean it was I was born and then

the Carter administration happened so it's possible he shrunk my head because your head is about the size of the sty in my eye cuz I could fit two heads in your head yeah Yeah. Because. It's what it is. And here's the thing with our cadence, either you love it and it's the best thing you've ever heard, or you turned off the podcast 10 minutes ago. Yeah, it may be a little bit too fast paced for you and that's fine, but America's a fast place and so is New York City and we're just products of both.

We like to move quick. If you're in front of us in a car, we will beep you to get one car ahead. That's what it is. It's the place we're from. And it doesn't matter if you're driving slow or foolishly in New York, it doesn't matter when we zoom past you, we will give you the finger and call you a fucking goop.

Way to go. It's just how it goes. It's just how it is, and it doesn't matter what you look like at all, it's just what is programmed into our head. And we will say that, because we will automatically assume that you gotta be, you know? Yeah, it's what it is.

You gotta just what it is. You just gotta be from the eastern hemisphere. That's all it is. Yeah, we're just different here. We wear black because our bodies are not beach ready and we get things done. You go to other places, they wear turquoise, they sit around all day, they drink coffee and speedos. This isn't Miami, this isn't Orlando, Florida.

We're here to get things done And we're not taking our shirts off We're not taking our shirts off and I will go to the beach with boots on and sneakers and I don't own any Sandals because I'm not Jesus. I'm a Catholic kid and nobody's Jesus. Except Donald Trump! Except Donald Trump. If you've never been crossed up on the basketball court Which is a black top by an African-American kid in jeans and Timbos, you're not from New York. Yeah, you're just not from New York at all.

If you've never eaten a knish on the street, you're not from New York. If you've never been called bird on the basketball court and threatened or gotten an elbow in the face in the 80s because you hit a shot and you just said, okay, I'm going to stop playing good now, you're not from New York. You're not from New York, cuz yeah, if you, by the way, also, if you've ever wanted to a pizzeria and you've ordered a plain slice with cheese, get the fuck out of my neighborhood.

Yeah, it's a redundancy. It's a plain slice. Or you could just say, can I get a slice that already has cheese on it? And if you put pineapples on it, get the fuck out of my country. Yeah, I'm sick and tired. I'm sick and fucking tired of this shit, okay? Because I gotta be honest with you, this shit's getting out of my country. I'm sick and tired. I'm sick and fucking tired of this shit

Okay, because I got to be honest with you. The shits getting out of control. It's gonna I mean, I feel like the Panama Canal moved into my neighborhood That 14 Today we're gonna be talking about the Panama Canal which make no mistake is on Trump's list That is on he wants the migrants out and the Panama Canal in. That's what it is, because absolutely, yeah, the Panama Canal, even Biden couldn't pre-part in that one.

Panama Canal's getting taken back. Yes. And because here's what, here's the things on Trump's list big, and we'll talk about both of them. This is about the Panama Canal, and make no mistake, this is a fascinating episode. We're gonna tell you guys a lot of stuff you didn't know,

but the Panama Canal's on the list, and Greenland is on the list big and both of them have China in common Trump has stopped trying to stop China from getting into Greenland and getting into the Panama Canal and things get wild and Greenland I really think Greenland because he keeps talking about a water crisis I think we're just gonna buy Greenland and melt it and take their water We're gonna take their water and Smithtown is going to get the contract. That's what it is. It's what it is. All the ting tong tong Hong Kong companies are about to get replaced by Smithtown Water.

Good old Long Island boys are going to take over the Panama Canal and dump Smithtown Water. It's just going to be called the Smithtown Water Canal. Smithtown Water Canal, that's what it is. Yeah. Exit 61, it's what it's going to be. The Panama Canal, what it is, first of all, if you guys don't know what it's what it is. Yeah. Exit 61, it's what it's gonna be. The Panama Canal, what it is, first of all, if you guys don't know what it is, it is one of the most significant engineering feats ever.

I mean, it's more impressive than when they built Yankee Stadium. That's a tall statement to say. It's better. I don't know if it's better than Yankee Stadium. It's more. It's up there. It's up there. It's up there in the top five along with Yankee Stadium,

but it's basically a shortcut between the Atlantic Ocean and the Pacific Ocean, which the kids have to go around before Panama and now the kids go through it. Yeah. It used to, I mean, it's like, it adds another 400 whatever nauticals. I'm no sailor, but you have to go around the Cape Horn. It's called a Horn Cape or the Cape Horn otherwise. And so what they did is they cut just straight through Panama that used to be Columbia and there's a nice long story because here's what I like to think about.

It started with the French. It started with the French and let's be honest, let's just talk. The French have a chip on their shoulder because they just can't do things right. World War II they built the Maginot Line, whatever and then you know what happened? The Germans said okay We're just gonna walk around there. They had all the guns facing east and the Germans just said we'll just go vest Yeah, we'll just go fast. We're just gonna walk around Yeah, that didn't work so then this French guy who built the Suez Canal was the Suez whatever in Egypt

He goes let me give it a let me give it a go. He goes in 400,000 people lose their lives. They die of malaria They die and they had a stupid plan. Their plan to build the canal was they were going to dig under the water and dig out the land under the water and make it a bigger canal so ships could fit through. And it just didn't work and they gave up and they lost tons of money. And then the boys came in and we built it right, just like we did in World War II, where you guys were about to lose all of Europe and the boys had to bell you out because that's what we do.

That's what we do and unfortunately here's the way. And here's the thing, China, your time is up. Your time is up. And here's the thing, here's the thing too, it's just the way the cookie crumbles. My grandfather said that he was alive when they were building, it's called the Major Deegan Expressway. And did he say that when he was closing the oven? Yes, he did. Because your grandfather was here. Was he here? What? Was he in America? He was in America. He's actually Italian. I think he says he fought in the war. I'm not sure if he fought with Italy

or the U.S. Oh, your Italian grandfather. My Italian grandfather, who's a grandfather through marriage. But anyway, he told me, he said, and this is just the way the cookie crumbles. He said when he was alive, when he was a kid, they started building what's called the Major Deegan Expressway to connect Manhattan and the Bronx and he said they called it the Dominican Canal and it's just what it is and he said his timidest boys called the Dominican Canal. It is kind of the Dominican Canal. When I was a kid he would just say we're driving over the Dominican Canal and I would just say what do you mean and then he said they have the Panama Canal. This is the Dominican Canal

That's where the Dominicans are. And it's just a 10, no? It is very much a big 10. Yeah, and that's just guys from that generation. That's just what they do It was the Dominican Canal and Puerto Ricans were Puerto Ricans. Puerto Ricans, he's the same grandfather Which a classic history, I ain't his moment who used to order his coffee black and used to say can I have my coffee Leroy? Yeah, that's where it comes from. It's the same guy. Yeah, same mine. Yeah, yeah, that's what it is. I mean when you go into Starbucks and you just want a black coffee, just as a fan please ask for a coffee Leroy, make them write it and then take a picture and we will post it. And we'll post it. And also get your smoothies out. If you're a cutie with a smoothie, it's coming into smoothie

weather and you want to have a cutie with a smoothie, post it and we'll start reposting you guys with your smoothie picks. Yeah and our patreon numbers have stalled a little bit. Patreon.com slash history hyenas make no mistake just like the Trump's votes stalled before he went on Theo Vaughn's podcast so we're gonna put our patreon on Theo Vaughn's podcast. That's what it is and honestly the best you think this content is wild the things that we say and do at patreon.com slash history hyenas is shit like it's like you've never heard it before it's like wild what we say and do at patreon.com slash history hyenas is shit like it's like you've never heard it before. It's like wild what we say.

Sometimes I'll even say the things that we post. I'm say to Jesse, say Jesse, can we post this? Yeah, we have no regard for anything on the Patreon because it's subscription based. Here we have to dance. We got to get on the ice a little bit. Because we're trying to stay monetized. We just recently got re-monetized again on YouTube.

So we have to stay very much within bounds so some of the things that get bleeped here or get fully edited out they all exist unedited uncackled at patreon.com slash history hyena so go there and it's just great bonus content and it's awesome. So okay so Panama Canal baby so the French of course it collapsed like you said 1889 20,000 workers lost their lives I mean cuz what you know sometimes you can't make it now with a few spilled croissants I mean the French are so bad at war that more Frenchmen died building the Panama Canal then fought and died in World War two

That's what it is. Yeah, they offered their lives for water more than they did for the defense of their own country I mean the kids just want to have fun They just want the kids just want to have fun and they want to do Jerry Seinfeld's material and that's what it is. That's just what they want to do. That's what they want to do. They want to eat baguettes, they want to, they want to have dirty mirrors, cuz how come every time I go into a French restaurant and the mirrors are dirty. Why are the mirrors dirty? Does anyone clean the mirrors? That's how I know I'm in a French restaurant. I look and I go, oh, that's a dirty mirror. They must serve escargot. Cuz I went to a French restaurant last week, you know what it was called? Prey de manger. Yeah.

And I got myself a sub to go. Yeah, the French like to put their sandwiches on the shelf and keep them ready made. What it is. Now, here's what happens. As Yanni was saying, the US took over this project in 1904, okay? And then they had this newly independent Republic of Panama. This shit was, because it just separated from Columbia. Yeah, but let's talk about what happened. Tell me. Okay, cause this is your boy Teddy Roosevelt. And then they had this newly independent Republic of Panama the shit was because it just separated from Colombia

Yeah, but let's talk about what happened tell me okay, because this is your boy Teddy Roosevelt by the way I love Colombians. Yeah, you love Colombians. You also let love Teddy Roosevelt I love Teddy Rosa because he gave us Puerto Rico without Teddy Rosa. We would have no Puerto Rico We got Puerto Rico after our win in the Spanish-American War and he also gave us the Panama Canal So what happened is Teddy Roosevelt goes listen? We will take this over. And we had a better idea. So they were gonna cut under the water

to make the canal deeper for ships. And that didn't work. It was, they were dealing with mudslides, the weather, malaria. They were getting eaten by snakes. Right. It was horrible. And then the Americans came in under Teddy Roosevelt and Teddy Roosevelt said,

well, what we're gonna do is we have a plan where we're gonna Actually raise the water yeah So the water comes up it goes the ship comes through the Panama Canal Section by section and it waits and then they flood it with from the lake and the water comes up and rises the ship up Yeah, and then it rises the ship up, and it goes slowly through and so Teddy Roosevelt got in there and Columbia used to Panama used to, Panama used to be Columbia. It used to be part of Columbia. First thing Teddy Roosevelt did is he went in there and he said Columbia here's a treaty for you we're gonna come

in we're gonna build it we're gonna pay for it let us do it and Columbia said no no we don't need it we deal cocaine and we're fine with just our cocaine. Yeah. We give you guys cocaine and he said no. So then America convinced the Colombians that were living where the Panama Canal, the province of Colombia at the time, they said, hey, why don't you guys just become an independent country so we can negotiate with you? And they had a revolution. We supported them. So we just made Panama. We just made Panama and we make war. That's what we do. We just made the war because we

were like, and we caused the unrest because it's just beneficial for the United States to have a little unrest Yeah, we just needed a country to negotiate with and so we created a country to negotiate we needed someone to say yes I mean, so we just created a person to say yes. I mean cuz look at this I mean look at how great the United States is. We just took a whole country We made it to a fucking bathtub We said the ships rising like my kids rubber duckies and it's getting across and it's es lo que es. Yeah it's one of the most uh ingenious. It really is it's like Elon Musk level ingenious. Yeah and you farted. It's what it is. You farted when you said it.

Because it's what it is I'm trying to blow this sty out. So yeah it's unbelievable and so then Panama obviously said yes we'll let you build it and so then we went down there and we built it it took ten years from 1904 to it opened in 1914 right and America had control control and it's uh was the leadership of engineers John Frank Stevens and George Washington Gothels I mean cuz if your name's George Washington Gothels you're named after every bridge in New York City you are that's all the bridges George Washington bridges you're named after Yeah, it's what it is because they absolutely know the state. And the Stabitikon Canal.

And I'm sure these engineers, John Frank Stevens and George Washington Gothels were nice to the local Panamanian community. It seems like they have names that they were probably very nice to those people. Well, I think they used a lot of Panamanians to make the canal. And then America also built up the infrastructure there, hospitals, schools, all the stuff for the workers. Yes, so we basically built the infrastructure of Panama and the United States obviously You know making jokes, but dr. William C. Gorgeous. That's his last name gorgeous. He made he controlled the disease effort So malaria and yellow fever was running rampant and the kid made it safer. So that's the thing the United States

We do give it I mean we do take it the way but we do give it. We do give it and then that benefited the Panama's economy when we were there and so we ran it for a while. Are you gonna have Mariano Rivera if we don't have the Panama Canal? The answer is no. No you're not gonna have to. So if you're a New York Yankees fan you better say thank you very much to George Washington Gotthos and John Frank Stevens because they gave you Mariano Rivera. And we needed Mariana Rivera. We did need Mariana Rivera. We may have overused them against the Diamondbacks, but we needed them. It's what happens, and that was the era when I was just a Yankees fan because now I'm a Mets fan.

Yeah, but I understand. I understand why Joe Torre made the decision, right? Because if you got a South American on your team, you just figure he's got enough stamina to get the job done. I never question the Mexicans who are on my roof and say these guys are gonna get tired. You put Maradona Varian, because the kid will throw eight shutout innings with yellow fever. It doesn't matter. So you say this kid's healthy,

we're giving him all the food he wants, he's gonna be fine. He's gonna be fine, because when you look at the work ethic of South American immigrants, you're going, this is not a big ass. Two innings? No.

That's nothing. They could do it. Yeah, they could usually do it. Guys, if you've lost hair, it doesn't mean you have to go and not find it. You can find it with the help of Hims. Yeah. Hims Hair Solutions, and you'll be joining

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advisor view important disclosures at Acorns.com slash hyenas So yeah, so so the canal was completed in 1914 and the first official transit was the SS and con yeah and gone And anytime I hear SS. I just get a little nervous, but then it's a ship. Yeah, that's just a ship. Thank God Yeah, it was just the SS. Why does ships why a lot of ships SS, but also that's the that's what was the German military police? Why is that I honestly think you might want to change that to just call the ship? I don't know the ship Anton. Yeah, that's like calling it the Nazi and calling. Yeah, I'm gone. Yeah, that's what it is So this is before China became the tiger that it is today So it was just America and this it was it was it was open right before World War one and it came in handy Because we need to move a lot in handy because we need to move

a lot of weapons, we need to move a lot of stuff. And so the Panama Canal came in handy for the United States, and it was a military asset. Here's the thing, and we gave with, you know, we'll skip ahead a little bit. So this is how, that's why the Panama Canal was created, whatever. And then for many years, you know,

going back and forth, back and forth, but mostly, you know, the United States was involved. But then things get a little wild, you said, with Jimmy Carter, but mostly, you know, the United States was involved. But then things get a little wild, you said, with Jimmy Carter, right? Right. So then we get to the Jimmy Carter administration. So after the Americans are there, of course, we build this thing, we got control of it, we're taking fees off of it, all this stuff. And all these nationalist movements were rising up. Everything was seen as colonialists. South Americans were starting to revolt, they were protesting. And also we had the rise of the USSR.

Yes. Right, so the USSR, there was big fears that the USSR was going to build another canal and use that, so we had the fear that they were going to do that. So we said, you know what, it's in our interest right now to make it neutral, so we can quell these protests, keep our influence in the region. We'll now to make it neutral so we can quell these protests, keep our influence in the region. We'll still take the fees, so we still took the fees. You gotta take a little money off the top.

I gotta just pay my workers here. Yeah, we just gotta take a little off the top, but we decided to give it back to Panama for one buck, so that would. Not a bad deal. Release the need for the USSR to try to build another canal that they would have on their own.

So it was part of the Cold War, part of the communist fear, the Red Scare. And so we withdrew, but we also kind of kept our influence there. And so that was the decision that Jimmy Carter made with some guy named Truliyo or something in Panama. People shit on Jimmy Carter as being a bad president, but when you look back,

he wasn't really that bad of a president. The Iran hostage crisis was a little boo-boo. That a little boo boo. He had a boo boo there, but he was pretty good. Yeah. And both some people say that this was a bad move. I mean, when it was, when we decided to give it back, it narrowly passed in Congress. So there was a lot of opposition to this. So when we gave it back and this was talking about 1970s, this was 19, I think it was hard as the seven, I think it was. Hard as the 70s. I think it was 77. So 1977-ish we give the Panama Canal back but the United States didn't want to give

it back. A lot of Americans did not want to give it back. So it narrowly passed. But we gave it back because we thought it's better to just give it back to them so this way the Russia doesn't get involved. So Russia doesn't have to build their own because they were scared that they were going to build their own. And so we give it back, we still collect fees and then I think in 1999

this is when the issue comes. This is when the issue comes. In 1999 Billy Clinton gives it back and this is when China starts to get involved and this is what the problem is right now. The main reason now if we count you up to speed is now China is just slowly owning it. They're slowly buying more parts of Panama. And the issue is, is the governments of Panama now give China priority to use the canal over the United States? And you think like that's just a bullying it like who cares if they're going first and we're going second. But it's a bigger problem because when the goods get there a couple of days before, this has like billions of dollars worth of ramifications attached

to it and basically Donald Trump is saying, we're going to be first now, you're going to give us priority and Panama is saying no, Panama said every square foot of this canal is owned by us and we don't give anyone priority. But if you dig a little deeper and do the red tape, they do give priority supposedly to China. And so Trump is just saying, here's the news now. Here's, here's what it is. Caballero.

Where we're going to take your China's just going to go second. And if not, we're going to send the military in. It's kind of just what's going on. That's what China and that's, and here's the thing. Here's the thing. I've said this before, whether you like Donald Trump or not, it's really, it doesn't matter. I, I, we're not even that political. We fuck around. You have to admit this though, whether things could get passed, whether you like Donald Trump or not, it's really, it doesn't matter. We're not even that political.

We fuck around. You have to admit this though, whether things could get passed, whether he follows action or not, I don't know. He is though, Trump, making us all feel like he's asserting American dominance. Again, he's saying, I will fucking bring the army. Whether he does or not, who knows? Biden wasn't saying that. Well, the Biden administration was just as concerned about the Panama Canal because what's

going on is you have a Hong Kong company, a billionaire who owns ports on either side of the Panama Canal. So he deals with letting you in and he deals with letting you out. And Donald Trump and also Biden was going like, we're not happy about this because as we know, the CCP is involved in all the companies. Right. This is a Hong Kong based company and. And now China owns Hong Kong again.

China basically, and China says every company has to cooperate with the CCP and for national interest. Yeah. That means basically the CCP has control of whoever goes in, whoever goes out. Now what Panama did was to modernize the canal, the Panama Canal, they expanded it to go wider so bigger ships that are now being built could fit through it. So that cost a lot of money.

So they started raising fees up a lot. And so they're saying everyone's paying additional fees but what it turns out is now the Panama Canal Authority which is basically the Panama government is making a increased profit of like a hundred and thirty percent that was not part of our plan and guess what Donny T's president now so guess what's gonna happen to Panama tariff you're gonna get you're gonna get a tariff son you're gonna get a tariff tariff is coming yo tariff is good yo what's really shows up at your fucking door yeah you better pay up son yo when Tarif Jenkins shows up you know

you're in trouble yo tariff is fucking showing up like Omar from the wire at your country's doorstep if you don't play nice with the United States and you know there's some black Trump supporters who are gonna name yeah no who are gonna name their kids to read oh 100% yeah yeah you can say there's some black Trump supporters who are going to name... Some? Yeah, no, who are going to name their kids Tareef. Oh, 100%? Yeah, Tareef. Yeah. Why do you say there's some black Trump supporters? I would say most of the black population voted for Donnie D-Bone.

It's not most of them, but there's been a definite increase. Because they call him Donnie Tareef. They call him Donnie Tareef. That's a good nickname for him in the hood. Donnie Tareef. Yeah. Yeah, because here's the thing, is Tareefif's are coming and I know that there's problems with it I'm no way shape or form an economist

But I gotta be honest with you even if this shit goes off the rails these last couple of months have just felt good They felt good and I've been slow. I've been this close to Well, this is what I think a lot of people have to understand. That was on Patreon. You have to understand that certain presidents, and I've said this before, certain presidents are the right guy at the right time. Sometimes you got the wrong guy at the right time. Sometimes you got the right guy at the right time.

I mean sometimes you got the wrong guy but he's right for the time. I mean you just. You just fucking had an episode. I just had an episode but you have to know that he's coming, the context of when Donald Trump is coming into office, you're talking about, we're entering a cold war, whether you like it or not, in another cold war. It's an economic war with China. China has exerted their influence in Panama.

They have a big monument there. You got this company, like I said, on both sides of the Panama Canal. So Trump is coming in office now and he's saying, all right, this is getting a little out of hand. You guys are making 70% profits, 130% profits off these fees. And here is also the situation. Is now Panama to increase their profits, which they put into their treasury fund, which is,

you know, who knows if that's going to the Panamanian people or if it's going to Panama's oligarchs, who knows? I say most likely no. Probably not. But here's the thing, they've created sort of a lightning, a lightning pass. Right. Like when you go to, you know when you go to Disney? Yeah.

Because, you know, the waits to get? Because you know the waits to get, 14,000 ships pass through there annually on average, but everyone's trying to go through there because it saves so much money. But now the prices have gotten so high, the fees keep going up, that it's getting tantamount equal to actually traveling around in fuel costs around the Cape Horn.

So we're going, what are we doing now? It's like the line for TSA Pre-Check and clear is down the block still equal to actually traveling around in fuel costs around the Cape Horn. Right. So we're going, what are we doing now? It's like the line for TSA Pre-Check and CLEAR is down the block still because everybody's got it. Exactly. So you've got to raise it even more now. So now they're just raising it even more. So it's going like you guys are just making profits here.

This is supposed to be a neutral pass. And of course Panama is going, oh, we're just covering the cost. But a couple of Elon Musk's Doge people looked into it. A couple of teenagers went to Harvard, looked at it, and said, no, you're making profits. This is about 130% profits now with these lightning rounds. So I paid for my fucking lightning round. I want to go first.

And America's just going, you know what? We're not paying for the lightning round anymore. We're going to take control. And you're going to give our ships fucking priority? Because you know what my lightning round is? Look at this nuke! Yeah, exactly! Yeah, we need to use our military, we will, this is getting out of hand.

We built this canal, we invested in it, and I think we put like 36 million, which would have been the equivalent now of like a couple of billion into it. We built your infrastructure, fuck your nationalist movement, we made your country, we supported your revolution. We made you into a country. You were originally Columbia and now you're not. So now you're gonna be a US territory! It's what it is. And that's gonna be good for our economy, but we have to check the Belt and Road Initiative of the Chinese because what's happened now is America's finally gone. You know what? China says one thing, but they're doing another.

They want to be a superpower just like us. And here's the thing, you go, oh, we shouldn't have superpowers. But what are you going to do? Leave a vacuum for Panama? You trust Panama to do the right thing? You trust Colombia to do the right thing? Nobody's going to do the right thing because money corrupts. And I'm telling you, baby, all we got to do right here, it's better for everyone. It's better for everyone if the United States is just in control and you let us go first I'm telling you it's just better. Here's what I think I think Corinne Fisher is running for mayor I think we should just give her the Panama Canal.

Yeah let's just give her the Panama Canal. She's running for mayor. Yeah let's give her the Panama Canal. She's an comedian from the podcast Guys We Fucked It she's running for mayor I'll vote for her. And she may get it and I got to be honest with you then it would just be if she wins it would just be we've had the last two New York City mayors on history hyenas because Eric Adams came on history hyenas and that should have been enough for you not to vote for him. But you did. So it's really just up to you guys. But I do think that the United States

right now with this Panama Canal situation, with this Greenland situation, both of them tie back to China because there's a lot of minerals on Greenland that we're going to need to build all this new AI technology that's coming out and China has been slowly buying up pieces of Greenland. So that's why we want it. Same thing with Canada. That's why Trump wants Canada to be the 51st state because he's like, you just at every cost, I'm not letting China in. So like you said, Cold War shit. So you have to understand, I know that people say Trump you know, because

here's the thing. If you say, and this is not a vote for or against Donald Trump, but just really, if you say Trump is an awful guy and this and that, just give me some information as to why, or else you're kind of just a follower and you just think you're not supposed to like, you don't like Trump because you're not supposed to, because that's what the celebrities told you, but I'm telling you, we got some inside info for some LA Super Bowl parties. The LA people are starting to throw on MAGA hats now. Yeah, well I think you're just going with the trend of where the country's going. That's what I'm saying because everyone goes with the trend. But if you look at what he's doing now, doesn't it feel like, again, without knowing the economic

ramifications, at least he's trying to assert dominance and not just letting people take shit from us anymore in some ways, right? If you think that's a smart move, that's what he's trying to assert dominance and not just letting people take shit from us anymore in some ways, right? If you think that's a smart move, that's what he's doing. I think we've got to see a lot of this stuff play out. But you can certainly see that there's been a push. And here's the thing that a lot of people are unaware of. It's also Biden was, you know, Biden kept all the tariffs against China. I mean, so it's it. This isn't as much of a shift as people think. It's sort of like when Obama was in office, like you weren't seeing all these protests for for illegal immigrants like you do now. But that was because Biden, that's because Obama didn't talk about it. But he actually was

catapulting more illegals than that. I know. Yeah. So it's like, this isn't as much of a shift as you think. It's just, Donnie T says stuff more. Right. So you go like, is it good to talk like this? Or who knows? That might have caught me in the eye with one. You could be patient zero right now. It's possible. If me and Jesse show up with Sties next week, it could be you.

I mean, because one of the worst things you want is a pimple on your eyelid. It's tough. And that's what I have. It's tough. But Donald Trump is definitely Making it vocal that he wants to counter China's influence and They're also Biden was trying to do this too. They're trying to bring all of the riding with Biden right now I'm riding with Biden right now You're trying to bring all those companies to Mexico and to America that make all the microchips

and stuff like that. If they do that, we're really going to damage China's infrastructure, their economy. And I think- I'm going to throw- Just- Here's the thing, here's the thing, because we are protected on both sides

by the Atlantic and Pacific Ocean. Jesus Christ has personally protected the United States because we are his baby. And I understand the Panama Canal connects us both and I think that's also factoring into a lot of this. I think Donald Trump at every stage is looking at, yes, we are protected by the oceans, but more and more China's influence in Canada, in Mexico, in the Panama Canal, they're saying, well, if one of these countries ever decides to say, we'll let you guys stage our army

and military here, then forget about the oceans, then we're just like Europe, we can have the enemies coming in from both sides. So I think Trump is trying to own all that and do all that to prevent, I do think Trump right now is trying to play a little chess and just think a couple years down the road. I do think it's possible, but I do think that this Panama Canal thing, it has like real ramifications on us that we don't even, remember when the ship got stuck in the Panama Canal like a couple of years ago and like we couldn't get anything? Yeah, that was when Leonard Oates tried to get through it.

Yeah, that's what it is. So, and the ship- Chris Italia tried to pass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And by the way, Chris, I mean, listen, we're coming to you live from this podcast studio right now, but make absolutely no mistake, if we don't get paid for the show that we did a month ago that this fucking comedy club lost, here's the first shot.

We're playing this shit like Donald Trump. Here's the first shot. We're doing a next live podcast in New York City, and we're doing it February 26 at Gotham Comedy Club. So that's the first tariff on you. Get your tickets. That's the first tariff on the staff. That's a tariff, yeah. February 26, we're doing it at Gotham Comedy Club, and that's the first tariff on you. Get your tickets. That's the first tariff on the staff. That's a tariff, yeah. February 26, we're doing it at Gotham Comedy Club

and it's almost sold out, so if you wanna get tickets, go to historyiainas.com, christycomedy.com, Januspoppiscomedy.com, go to all those sites and you can get February 26, Gotham Comedy Club. We are doing a live Historyiainas podcast, New York City, go get it. So that's the first shot. If we don't get paid, if we don't get paid for this show that we did a month ago, that they are taking 10% off the

top even though they lost the footage. If number one, if we don't get paid in three days and you take 10%, then you're not going to see this podcast anymore. And then that's the second big tariff and that's a big loss. Yeah. Okay. And then we're going to put a tariff on candy bars. So Chris, to tell you, that's going to hurt you. And that's going to hurt you big time. Okay, okay, cuz make no mistake. You're not gonna be able to pay this fucking run patch some of us podcasts So make no mistake you're you're in thin ice yeah the stand and you've dead you're too big boys So you can't you're not do well with thin ice. Yeah, you're not gonna do what you're gonna go through the ice

It's what it is. Here's the thing. And that's not going on Patreon, it's staying on YouTube. It's staying on YouTube because we want our money. And then I want people to, I mean, because people send it and then the fucking stand will repost it because they like to get into Twitter wars. Yeah, that's right. That's what it is. Like getting into Twitter wars, we don't give a fuck.

Yeah. I'm a big advocate for therapy. Yes. I think it's great. And now with RULA, therapy is affordable and that is the most important part of therapy. Because a lot of people just don't do therapy because it's unaffordable or it's inconvenient. Well, RULA makes it very affordable and very convenient.

And with RULA, you can find the right therapist for you. RULA partners with a network of over 10,000 therapists and psychiatrists nationwide enabling you to find your personalized solution and the right therapist for you based on your needs, preferences, and state requirements. In network covered care for most major insurance, you pay as little as $15 per sesh. Yeah. Not bad. True end-to-end care. RULA is committed to supporting you and staying with you every step of the way on your mental health journey. From finding the right therapist to helping you schedule appointments and monitoring your progress, RULA is there to help. Thousands have already trusted RULA to support them on their journey toward improved mental

health and overall well-being. Head on over to rula.com slash hyenas to get started. After you sign up, they ask you where have you heard about them. Please guys support our show and tell them our show sent you. It means a lot. Go RULA.com slash hyenas and take the first step towards better mental health today you deserve quality care from someone who cares. So tariffs do work so it looks like the strategy America's using here right people look back at the Cold War and what was the Cold War it was basically hey you're we're not gonna let you use the mechanisms of capitalism anymore to get big while you have this authoritarian kind of slant on the way you do business.

So what we're going to do is we're not going to enable your economy anymore. We're going to stop doing that. And so what the hope is long term, I would think, is that the same thing happens that's happened in all these communist countries is they just get squeezed because they're not able to participate in the global economy anymore. They don't get a free ride anymore. Their government doesn't get to go, hey, look at all this stuff we're getting you. But we're raping you off the top to keep our government and military strong and you just

have to accept one car and one grocery bag. So what we're going to do is we're going to take away that grocery bag, we're going to take away that car, we're going to slow down your economy, and then what happens is the people get upset and they revolt, and then we come back in there and build a McDonald's. It's what it is. So that's what's going to happen in China, hopefully, is that's what I'm saying that's what America's thinking. They're going, you're not going to be able to do this mixed economy anymore.

We're on the one hand, you're going, oh, we're free trade, capital, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but then you're really an authoritarian regime that's trying to push your communism on the world. We're not going to allow that to happen anymore. And the Berlin Wall is coming down or the Great Wall of China is coming down. It's what it is, because here's the thing. Here's what we have as the United States. And here, if you're a country that doesn't like us, here's unfortunately, you don't want to see these two show up at your doorstep.

We got two big weapons. We got two big dudes that play for us. They're called Tarif Johnson and Nuke Wilson, and they are known as the Blackhawks. They will come in and they, if you see them on your doorstep, just know you went too far. You don't want to see the Blackhawks. Tareef Johnson and Nuke Wilson. Those are our two best players. I think under Trump there's only going to be men who are going to be piloting the Blackhawks from now on. Yeah, it's what it is. Yeah, it's what it is. Yeah, I'm flying to LA today, and if there's

a female pilot on the flight, I'm walking off. You're getting off. You're getting off. It's just what we're talking about. And I'm sorry that it had to be this way, but it's just, I mean, you can't fly a helicopter into a plane. Yeah, no, I mean, look, it's sort of like cornerbacks. You know?

You just want. Cornerbacks or quarterbacks? Cornerbacks. Corner. Cornerbacks. Cornerbacks, defensive cornerbacks, you know, you just, you just want. Cornerbacks or quarterbacks? Cornerbacks. Corner. Cornerbacks. Defensive cornerbacks. Defensive corner, you just, usually.

Yeah. And when I say usually, I'm going 99.8% of the time. Yeah. You know, maybe you got a point to Jason Segrim, what was his name? Seahawk, whatever his name was. Seahorn. Seahorn. Minus a Jason Seahorn and I guess I think the Eagles got two white cornerbacks now too, right? One of them made an interception and ran it back for a touchdown. Yeah, I mean, but let's be honest. Yeah, those are what you call exceptions. Exceptions to the rule. Exceptions. You gotta be able to run a certain 440 to be able to be a cornerback. Yeah. I able to run a certain 440 to be able to be a cornerback. Yeah.

I want. That's what we want. Because then guess what, we're going to get from point A to point B. Yeah. And a couple of the fly tenders might get their asses grabbed, but you want to be safe honey or not? Yeah, they're just the white quarterbacks in the sky. Yeah, it's what it is.

Way some shit. They're just good pocket, they got strong arms. I want Dan Marino throwing my plane. But I think we can all agree, like this is not, there's not a, it's not racist or sexist, it's just what it is because other people are good at other things. Yeah, no, we're making jokes. We're just saying-

We're obviously making jokes. Yeah, we're making jokes. I mean, if you are the exception to the rule, then you gotta, you gotta really be able to prove it. Yeah, it's what it is, cuz. Yeah, like Jason Seahorn did, he could run fast. Yeah, cuz, and- You gotta be able to fly good.

Make no mistake, your cold just won't go away. I call it a- Yeah, it just, it's been a week now. It just won't go away. Yeah, it's been over a week put that in the patreon Yeah, it's been over a week and I may have given you the style. Yeah, you might have given you the style Yeah, cuz your cold lingers. It's just a lingerer. Yeah, it's just it's just it's just kind of a linger So that's the situation with the Panama Canal. I mean, it's fascinating though Is it not very fascinating and you just have to know that we built it. We built it.

We built it. But let me ask you, cuz, cuz you weren't, let me ask you, cuz we were, before the pod we said that you just kind of understand what Trump's doing. Can you just, can you just expand on that a little bit? You said that you got, you get it, it's not a vote for or against, but you get why he's doing what he has to do. Well, when it comes to the Panama Canal. Specifically.

Specifically, Panama Canal. Again, I'm informing you that his administration is not the first. I mean, Biden was also equally concerned about this Hong Kong billionaire who owns both the ports and the sort of tacit influence that's going on with China and the Panama Canal authority. So they were also concerned.

They just had a different way of going about it. I mean, Trump is just, he made it a platform of his candidacy and he's just outwardly going, you know, he's being Trump and he's going, he's just saying it. He's doing it in a way that's very provocative. So I think when it comes to Trump, I think what a lot of people don't understand is his administration You know, it's a typical Republican administration in a lot of ways, right and in a lot of ways Democrat Administrations have been typical Republican administrations. It's not that different. It's just the way Trump delivers the message You can be for or against it now, obviously he came through and what he did differently was a couple of cultural things.

He came at Panama Canal in a different way. He's coming at the Panama Canal like he did trans people in women's sports. I'm just saying it's over. He's like John A. Light from the Mafia documentary. He's coming at you a different way. He's coming at you in a different way. He comes at you in a different way. And that way is just saying it. Yeah, he just said it. He goes, that's it. He comes at you in a different way and that way is just saying it. Yeah, he just says it. He just says it. He goes, that's it. And with Trump, you feel like maybe it's less like with the Democrats, they talk about it,

they talk about it, but then they've been doing a lot of pandering. I mean, they're going, what is the LGBTQ community? How does this poll with 14 year old voters? Not anymore. How does it poll with the Hispanic community? Where now you got a guy like Trump who doesn't care as much about that type of shit. We want all those people to be safe and loved and feel good, but it's just we're not the influence in the Panama Canal. We don't care anymore. If you're asking me my personal opinion, I can't

see how it's a bad thing that we take control of the Panama Canal. I just can't see how it's a bad thing. Can't see how it's a bad thing. Considering that China is there, I can't see how it's a bad thing. Yeah, I don't want to go to war with China. I also can't see how it's a bad thing. Yeah, I don't want to go to war with China I also can't see how someone's not gonna make this an LGTB Q issue, but they probably will cuz somebody will make this an LGBTQ our code that's gonna happen and then you're gonna have to scan it and fight for your rights for the Panama Canal And it's just what it is. Yeah, it's just but somebody will there will be a protest going This is bad for the LGTB Q community in Colombia. It won't even be a country affiliated with Panama Yeah, it's what it is. That's really the only argument even be a country affiliated with Panama. Yeah, it's what it is. Because that's really the only argument

you can make against how good it is. DEI will get involved and it's what it is. Somehow, somehow. And it's what it is because, but we got, there's two words that just, again, we've been saying it to you every week, week in, week out, there's two words that you just have to set over and over and over

in your head and then you will be comfy-wumfy with any decision this country makes, any decision your family makes, any decision you make. If you just recite these two words over and over and over in your head, you will be comfy-wumfy in your skin this country makes, any decision your family makes, any decision you make. If you just recite these two words over and over and over in your head, you will be comfy-wumfy in your skin. I thought it was four words. Make America great again. That is big. I'm just kidding. Well there's a couple. There's four words, make America great again.

There's three words, patreon.com slash historyienas and then the other two words I was talking about, you will just be comfy in your skin, radical acceptance. Oh yeah. Radical acceptance. Thank that's where I signed. Somebody made a sign that says radical acceptance, beautiful graffiti artwork, and it's just, what did he write? He wrote, He wrote, Steel Pipe Chrissy, special needs Stamos, he wrote Franks and Beans,

he wrote Yanni and Chrissy, the history hyenas, and then he signed his name, and I don't remember what it is, so. Just thank you to whoever that kid is. Can you post, can you, whoever made this, the Racko accepted sign, tag us saying that we will repost it for you, you know, we all love it, Jesse's, you know, an art bitch, he gave it a four out of ten. It's just what it is.

Now here's the thing. But me and Janice don't know anything about art so we just thought it was fucking cute. I'm already getting it tattooed on my cap. So it's just going to be the American Canal, just like the Gulf of America, and make zero mistake, you're just going to see a cruise ship go through there. There's just going to be cruise ships going through the powder bucket. Unfortunately, with our fat ass Americans, the water's not going to be able to raise high enough, and this ship's just going to get stuck, and we're not going to get our

ship from T-Move for a month, and then then we're gonna have to beg China to get back in. Yeah, yeah. It's what it is because now listen to me, the favorite part of our show, we hope you learned something here today, our favorite part of the show is the fans, the new fans that go to patreon.com slash history hyenas, they make a funny name, we read it out, we give an opportunity to, you hear your name read, the funnier it is, the higher the chance it is to get on the list, whoever's got the funniest name, we give them the PPW, the pseudo opinions of the week, and you can see your name up in lights at history. Hyenas is back.com. So in addition

to getting extra bonus content, uh, wild episodes, unedited YouTube episodes, you also get a chance to get your name read out. And it's a beautiful community. I gotta be honest with you. All the people who have went to Patreon.com slash History Ianis, you gotta see, they're chatting with each other, they're going on dates, they're meetup groups. They also get early access to any live shows we do. So it's pretty dope.

And if you wanna hear our episodes with no cackles, you wanna hear it uncensored, which is one of the big reasons why people love Patreon. They go to Patreon.com, you get it a day early with no cackles. Yep. So you can hear everything. It's completely uncensored. We give you a weekly bonus episode.

We're going to be doing walk and talks. We got the audio podcast coming soon. They're going to start from those boys. And I just want to say this because this was one important point we forgot to say. In 2017, the Panamanian authority that controls the Panama Canal officially switched their stance on Taiwan. They officially switched their stance and they recognized that Taiwan is part of China. What a coinkydink.

What a coinkydink. So that was a little bit of a hint. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it was just a coincidence that they changed their stance and it was another coincidence So that was a little bit of a hint. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it was just a coincidence that they changed their stance and it was another coincidence that all of a sudden they had no toilets and everyone shat in a hole in the floor. Yeah.

And also China has been planning multiple projects, railways connecting Panama City and David. They've been building the railroads there. So China's just in there. But once you hear that they switched their stance on Taiwan Yeah, once they made a John Cena apology video in mandarin You're going maybe we need to put some boots on the ground here and reclaim this Yeah now caballero is there any connection from you in 2017 changing your stance? Uh saying Taiwan is a part of china and also you're getting one billion dollar in yen

Yeah, is there any connection? Is there any connection there? No, you're saying no. Yeah, I don't I don't okay Yeah, all right't, I don't. Okay. Yeah. All right, here we go. All right, welcome to the Patreon, our newest members. Chrissy D sucks my pee-pees while Yanni pops my big behind gaze for Trump. Drexler, strong Drexler. Legion of Fume, like Legion of Doom we've had already, but it's great.

Donkey, then we got Weekend G.I. Joe. Weekend G.I. Joe's a nice chicken finger. I think that's funny because they're saying they put G.I. Joe's up their ass on the weekend. Yeah. Because we used to say you put G.I. Joe. Weekend G.I. Joe's a nice chicken finger. I think that's funny because they're saying they put G.I. Joe's up their ass on the weekend. We used to say you put G.I. Joe's in your ass. That's a great chicken finger. Great one. Noah Perlmuter. Then we got Weishan Qian as Illuminati. Then we got Yanni has the downs every time he squints and frowns. Okay? Directs her butt. Yeah. Yeah. Gerald Harvey Jr. Christ is King. We got some religious people. Welcome. Then we got- That's more just screwed in. Yep. AD, it's soon that will go from the fumes of hyena spoons. Okay.

Luigi Bellini with the teeny weeny, it's what it is. Chris is definitely gay because it's jizz what it jizz. Instead of is what it is, it's a nice Drexler. Nice Drexler. Then we got when the smell hits your eye like a Punjabi pie that's Fumare. Put him on the list. Yeah okay but that's also security and we don't condone that kind of behavior. Yeah we don't condone it but it's funny. Okay but it's going on the list but we don't condone that. We don't condone it but it's going on the list for the funny factor. But the chances are an Indian kid probably made that up it's probably what it is Chrissy D and Yanni P bombed worse on JRE than the Japanese hashtag Tim

Dillon beats me Drexler Drexler good funny the goblin that will eat Chrissy D okay wasp bad here we get our here I think for this one, this guy's name is Tom Wabsgans. He can get our Connecticut Monkey Award. Wasp Monkey, Wasp Monkey. Then we got Everyone Says They Don't Notice, But I'm Growing Bitch Tits. Drakster. Drakster, okay, this is a tough list.

Yeah, it's a tough one. Then we got Suck the Fart Out of AOC Stink Star, hashtag lot of 14. Funny. Okay, then's a tough one. Then we got Suck the Fart out of AOC Stink Star, hashtag lot of 14. Funny. Then we got Moretti the Spaghetti Monkey. So this kid just gave himself the award. There you go.

Then we got Epstein didn't Venmo. Drekzler. Drekzler, wow, I thought they were going on the list. Wow, Yanni's being fucking conservative. No, this is the Buffalo Bills at the Super Bowl. Angelo Del Ponte sauce monkey yeah then we got Barry Manilow strokes me soft and slow Drexler's drug Drexler list um then we got Anne Hathaway seriously it's me I think it's her no yeah it'd be funny if it is if

funny they listen I'm yeah they listen they got listen are a community of people who have nothing to do all day There's a lot of actors listening to these podcasts and that's you know, if they're half the way seriously It's me actually as you DM us. Yeah, and let us sniff your seat. Yeah, I love it She looked beautiful at the Super Bowl. Yeah, then we got sir. Rock Obama Sir, Rock Obama Barack Obama, but they call them sir.co Obama Wow. Yeah, I mean put them on the list Okay, that's that one caught you late. Yeah. Yeah that layer that was it. Yeah, that's P. Diddy's vodka Yeah, yeah, then we got Foley loaded like fully loaded this thing H Foley load good one chicken finger Yanni straight to the back hoe the Greek squeak. Okay, stay humble stack sats

big mic Way song shame squeak. Okay. Stay humble stack sats. Big Mike. Lad 14. It should be on the list. It should be on the list, but it's not okay. It's not okay. Yeah. Okay. But it is, it should be funny. It should be noted that if we were in a different world, it would actually win. Yeah. But it can't go on the list because we can't condone that kind of behavior. It should be noted that if we were in a different world, it would actually win. Yeah. But it can't go on the list because we can't condone that kind of behavior. In 1870.

Yeah. It would be the winner. Yeah. When they were built, the guys building the Panama Canal liked it. They liked that one. Yeah. Yeah. Father Bill gave me a touch of the tism.

Okay. Then we got glue is and Clark's chestward expansion. Oh, glue is and Clark's chestward expansion. Oh, glue is and Clark's chestward expansion. Like Lewis and Clark, but they said glue is and Clark. Very. Chestward expansion, I like that. Very much. Instead of westward chestward.

Right, because his glue is going up. You gotta put him on the list. Put him on the list, it's a very good one. Yeah, you gotta put him on the list. Okay, good. Then we got taking the hedge off. Unreal Business Gaming, screwed in. Then we got your Sal the Hedge Off, Unreal Business Gaming, screwed in. Then we got Yura Salchika, Fumare, Might Knock Up to Gumare.

Kamala's Eastern Hemi Turd Cutter Makes Me Stutter. Chris DiStefano, Seriously Cuz, There Was That Much Baby Oil. The Fume Encentipede, waited a week and that's- The Fume Encentipede gets a chicken figure.'s human centipede gets a chicken finger okay chicken figure that's a human centipede waited a week and that squeak didn't let you speak okay I don't know Mark Summers Ash Khan then we got yeah named to monetize YouTube needs to gargle glue from my character piece it's what it is appreciate the support thank you broski724 then we got buzzballball, Joshua Nalgelkirke,

Chrissy D. The Gay Queen of Queens, The History Hyena Youth, founded by Father Bill, April DeFranco, Ezra The Oven Dodger, AKA BASED Ling Ling. Put him on the list. A place on Xi'an. Oven Dodger is... If he just, I mean, if he just kept it to Ezra the Oven Dodger, but it's so strong that I didn't even hear this.

I didn't even hear the last... So we're going to get Bass Ling Ling out and we're just going to call you Ezra the Oven Dodger to give you a better chance here. What was the end of it? A.K.A. Bass Ling Ling. I don't even know what that means. Yeah, I don't even know what that means.

We're just going to help you out and just, we're going to punch that up. And I'm going to right now say you're a contender. Yeah, yeah. Then we got Mia the Great 17, Jason Bourne from the movies. Jason Bourne is on the part. Okay, Jacob Bodie, Tyler Norton. Ezra the Upward Dutch, your son. Yeah, it's a good one.

Hold on, it's a good one, it's a good one. It really is. Okay, then we got Eastern Hemy Toot with a creased sweaty fruit. Drexler. Okay, Father Bill's favorite chocolate starfish. Pat, then we got fulfill your promise, take me from a cup to a G. From a cup to a G. Just wants bigger tits. Just want bigger tits. So we say we'd give someone fake tits. Oh, we said we'd pay for someone's tits. So, okay. Yeah, we said, remember, we were going to pay for the tits or something.

Pay for the tits, okay. Okay. Maybe we'll... Drexler? But, all right. Yeah, yeah, it's there. It's there. We got our Salsa Monkey Award, Jay Avani Hernandez.

Wow, yeah. All right, and Kenny Diaz, we'll give them both to you. Dildo Baggins. Dildo Chicken Finger. Andy rubbed my pseudo slit with that Jackson Pollock tit, Yas. Okay. Danny Glover, but with huge natural tits. rub my pseudo slit with that Jackson Pollock tit, Yas. Danny Glover, but with huge natural tits. Drexler.

That's a wild thing to think about. Yeah, it's very funny. Yeah, very random and funny. Yeah, Dingo dick balls, chicken finger. I like Dingo dick balls. Andrew Churchill, then we got deep dish poop sock pizza. Then we got OJ Simpson. Welcome back to the dead.

Is on the pod. Well, welcome. Post-Hobbitously. Yeah. Mr. and Mrs. Mr. and Mrs. Widen Bush. Okay. LBT, Andres Perez, Diego Brando. Then we got Zach Isis, fingers detour through New Orleans, now use can't leave.

Okay. Jonathan DeLuca, Alfredo Camacho, Larry's left-leaning glueless gun on Trimax. What's Trimax? I think that's what you take. Wasn't that guy we did the Carmacazi with? Oh, he's on Trimax. Right, right, right. That guy, yeah. Chicken figure. It's a prescription combination drug. It's used for erectile dysfunction. Yeah, it's funny. So this kid's good. Yeah, I like that. Drexler. Strong Craxler. Darren Fulmer. Then we got Wei-Shan Shi and Factory Worker. Then we got Josephine Smelly Cunt.

Guess it's Napoleon reference. Josephine. Right. Who said you had a full bush. Right, very funny. Very funny, like it. Jeff, then we got My Cousy Wuzzy, Banged Outta Muzzy, It's What It Is Cous. Yanni Biden, Suzuki gun, lost ropes. Matthew Manning, Joe Biden, 2028. Alex Betts,

Ryan, I don't know if I walked into one or that's your real last name. Yeah. What can you do? Then we got, my name is Austin Ardler and I like it in the Buddha, Judge Okay, okay good. He gave his full name. Yeah wife thinks I take poll cuz Yanni makes me witch hazel my hole List it, list it, yeah. Takes poll is funny. Takes poll and you know, she got she got very Suspicious cuz he was cleaning his asshole. That's with Witch Hazel, which is a Yanni special. That's a contender. Then we got Steve Smith, then we got Christopher Reeves Dusty Pipe.

Okay. Then we got Fumarian Brotherhood, aka SSAK Squeak Sniffer. If he was just the Squeak Sniffer. The SSAK Squeak Sniffer. Yeah, it would have been funnier. Drexler, Drexler for part of your name. Squeak with Fumes and the Fuhrer's father Bill. Salem witch hazel trials. Wow.

Wow. Chicken finger and a Drexler. Okay, nice. Yeah, just not as good as the other guy. Coffee Leroy's Barista ain't serving na means only line of 14s. It's a character piece. Okay. Legally retarded toot tamer.

He's a toot tamer. Maybe walked into one. Yeah. John Taylor, BC,arded to tamer. Okay, he's a toot tamer. Maybe walked into one. Yeah, john Taylor BC Jacob Rosinski Therapist for freak-offs. Okay. Okay, it's fun. Richard Rodriguez Half Yanni's dangling GI toosh trooper half Chrissy's fume confetti catcher See, that's another one just separate one or yeah. Yeah one or the other. I'm gonna yeah, I'm just giving advice. Okay Rove I Ruv Bobby Re. Okay, walked into one. Yeah. Walked into one.

Yeah. But very funny. Very funny. Tommy Hartsog the third. Yeah. Then we got Rozzy Snow Monkey, straight kid, but I've grinded around my phone for emergencies. It's what it is. Drexler. Drexler, but good.

Good one, Good one though. Brock Stokes, Person X, subscribed until my mom notices I used her card. Drexler. Okay. This is the Drexler list. Yes the Drexler list. I just, yeah, I mean especially with Ezra it's going to be tough. Nick Hood's gone. Then we got Heywood, Japlumar Finger. Heywood, Ja- Heywood, Ja- Ja- Pull my finger. Okay, just pull my finger.

Yeah. Okay. Good one. Jose Lopez, eight inches, all head. Uh, estrogen foot patches, you see me, high heel pranson. Okay. Estrogen foot patches you see me high heel pranson. Okay, duck man Lachlan O'Brien Da Vinci's douche Sean puffy fumes and fruit of the looms oiled up freaking off in the all-ages room very funny Drexler top Hardy like Tom Hardy

top party top party not bad chicken finger good like that yeah very good radical extremist turn radical acceptist via becoming trans, PS make a new bathroom just for my kind of trans. Drexler. Drexler. It's no character piece. It's what it is. I am now MAGA. Okay. Okay. Kevin Brown, Jork, Daniel Winkler, Major Spaggett, Mikey likey, Chinese Nike. Okay. Trump will make your baby bump a garbage lump. Hashtag free the rioters. Pete inside my booty wedge.

I like Fumi heads, Buddha judge. AIDS potato monkey. The angelic anus. The angelic anus. I like that. Jason Parent, Ranger G, Sulcune anus is I like that. Yeah, Jason parent ranger G salt Kuhn Plumple still skin grant ball and Franks and beans aka the hide-and-seek world champ

It's walked into one but it's very funny it's very funny we do there just a hide-and-seek world champ We've heard better. Okay, so the heart hide-and her the hard-hiding seek champ is very not bad It's very funny. I'm gonna I'm gonna secretly Drexler itch. Yeah, but also walked into one. Okay, Thomas Curry Mike Logan Scott warts Turning point PRC screwed in Greasy toenails Trevlesh is it really a bit pretty sure the kid loves jizz cuz it's what it is Just a chill guy who pet the rabbit too hard? Drexler, he's basically saying to kids he's Franks. Because of my cement.

Yep, Ryan McTaggart, Ciara Tiara, Banco Popular CEO, please don't kill me. Anna Doyle, Brian just give me a Drexler Gaffney. Okay? Give him an honorary Drexler, kid wants it. Alex, Liam, then we got potato grotton monkey cause the mother's French, sauvu plat, Matt Rife, eat my asshole. No!

Drexler. Drexler, okay. Clam, Clamoy. Drexler's an honor, by the way. Drexler is an honorler. Okay. Clem-Wy. Drexler's an honor by the way. Drexler is an honor. It means that if we didn't have a better one, you'd be on the list. That's what it means.

There's been lists, that's why you have to listen to every episode. There's been lists where we've had 40 on the list and then we've had 40 Drexlers. It's just, everyone has its own personality. Yeah. Clem-Wy, Kat, Chrissy glued on my north face, now it's a south face. Okay? Okay. That? Okay. That was almost.

JRE has a small peepee. Black Lives Maga. Drexler. Okay. Good one. Geord in Burkhart, Austin Labriec, Rosa Parks straight to the back. We've had.

Yep. Pete Budachedge's Eunuch. Funny. Justin Vaughn. Then we got Chrissy Destableson. Okay. AOC's for Rome but smells like Chinatown summers. Okay, walked into one. Jesus Christ. Wei Songx Xian. Toby. That's just incorrect. You know she smells good. She smells great. Yeah. Dix Zillow.

Then we got Stratis Gay in San Francisco. Okay. Yeah, it means. Interesting. Probably just more of a fact. $3 Bill tier because my baby mama makes more money than me because she's white. Okay. James Mozzarella. Stanley Rosenfeld Emily C Adam

Josh jug a hoe Katie dick's balls and ass muzzy buzzy swaz wait Katie dick balls and ass muzzy buzzy muzzy buzzy's was a blast. Okay, sorry. Bad read. Overthought it. Gabe Youssex, Kazza Frass, Tim's Bits, Oh My God, Yannis Greek Forest is a corn maze for Glaze. Zach Isis versus Ari Shaffir live on Netflix. Sissy Chrissy drinks pissy.

Embracing Chrissy and Yanni Chaos, Ty DeRuys, Mjp, Anthony Stames, Fruits and Skeens, The Curious Taste of Benjamin's Cousin, Good One, Drexler, Mike Stalks Vanitya through her window, it's what it is, it's more of a fact, Joe Fees on wild game through his hole of shame, Rogan. Okay. Sadami, who's son is winner, sneeze cheese. Christopher abuse, Stacy, Zachary Robbins, Gandhi did nothing wrong. Yeah, no, it's just funny, but it's not even graph.

Cole Pugliano playing whack a mole with liquid nitrogen dip Q-tips and genital warts HPV for life Okay, okay wish I was still fat so Jesse could sculpt me Lost the weight. Yep Clayton Chrissy schnitzel and Yanni's Peter pooper Elijah B Mitchell Holbrook $3 bill. Oh, we had that one. Um, okay. One more page. These are all great names. This is just a list of directions. Actually it's fun because it makes the actual winner harder. Yeah. Yes, it does. Exactly. Squeak Latino freak. No FFs, please. Skinny big teeth. Angel Aguilar, Anne Marie Harvey, Anne Hathaway again. Yeah. Anne Hathaway is back. Wild.. I smack the back of my sack to go pewing. Costrado Caliber glue gun.

Chrissy's Fume Tutor with a glue gun McShooter. Johnny Cum Clucky. Emanuel Hawkins. Dwight D. Kreisenshauer. Oh, Dwight D. Kreisenshauer. Dwight D. Kreisenshauer. Dwight D. Kreisenshauer. Kreisenshauer like Eisenhower, Kreisenshauer. Kreisenshauer. Give him and Shower. Dwight D. Cries and Shower. Dwight D. Cries and Shower. Cries and Shower like Eisenhower, Cries and Shower.

Cries and Shower. Ah, give me Chicken Finger. Not bad. Chicken Finger. Clean My Asshole with Witch Hazel for Venetia. Um, Toto's Africa playing in 1990 mall is Vibeception, okay? Good day, bidet, Christiana today and a little gay. Not Dan Nicolette.

Okay. Jairo Ramirez, Dusty Beef, Jake Pratt, Kaiden, Nick Tasteless Plot, Michael Nagy, Did Yanni and the Sitch Make Amends, It's a Character Piece. Okay, walked into one. Walked into one. Spenny T, Alejandro Gonzalez, Weishong Ngo Dong, Donald Pump baby, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's a plea, it's a bird, it's a plane,

it's a pizza place raid. He's talking about carbon pizza. Okay, oh, that's what it is. Patreon, Dennis Clado, Garrett Belanger, Lindsay's Ladybugs from Fumington, South Carolina, Carlos Javier Ramon Edu Jassner, the real reason they broke up, Tim Dillon sub-primed my asshole,

the piece from Ammonia Cafe turning FF straight, Sir Slop, Ross Neely, the tits, Squeak inak in the sheets coffee Leroy's little durag Carlos spicy wiener Brett Bafaro. I'm just queer for the gay jokes Joe Ragans Joe Rogan's massive chode Shugma squeak peace Emperor Justinian Yanni food and Ari fuming on Kalanis. See you next Tuesday Trey Shanumaneman, Eileen Ullick, No Muff to Duff, I Dive at Five, Blow No Ring, Feed My Rectum with that Chrissy D, Ed, Ford Dunaway, Call Lada 14, My Belly Button Has Fumes, aka Bruce Wayne,

Molly Wayne, Sumdud, Gidjom, Unic from Unic who likes a sweaty hummus tune, wait, Unic from Unic who likes a sweaty hummus to lick, G.I. Jew, A Unic from Unic is a chicken figure, so we're gonna help some people out. Drutopia, then we got G.I. Jew, Operation Pocket Rocket.

Put them on the list. Wow, so here we go, we Put them on the list. Wow, so here we go. We got one on the list. Because Operation Pocket Rocket, did you get that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What do you carry in your pocket?

Yeah. Pagers. Pagers. It's a walk through the wood, but also funny. This is the Jew list. Yeah. Interaction Bronson, Jacqueline Stone, The Jizzard, Bobby Lee Lost His Virginity to a Down Syndrome, Eric Davenport, Burning Lee lost his virginity to a Down Syndrome,

Eric Davenport, Burning Man, Christian Ramirez, and then we got Potato Monkey Fireman, but my son's Puerto Rican depending on the application, S-Lock KS. Put him on the list. Okay so see that last page you never know. You can get some fucking bangers. Yeah we never know. Alright so here we go. So here's the list. Thank you for everyone who submitted. Strong list but just nothing that like knocked me over except for a few. But that happened. It happened. This is the, it's a long game. It's a marathon. So here we go. So we got G.I. Jew, Operation Pocket Rocket, Potato Monkey, Fireman, but my son's Puerto Rican, depending on the application, S-L-K-S, wife thinks I take pole because Yanni makes me witch hazel my hole. Contender. Contender. Contender. Contender. Okay that's the first contender. Contender. Okay and then we got Ezra the

oven dodger. Contender. Contender. Yeah. And then we got when the smell hit your eye like a Punjabi pie that's Fumare. Contender. Okay. Yeah we got three contenders. And then we got Barack Obama. We're gonna Drexler Sirak Obama. Okay, so here are the, these are the contenders, when the smell hits your eye like a- Is that wrong for me? Is that a good one? Is that like? Nah, I did the right move.

So here are the three contenders, when the smell hits your eye like a Punjabi pie, that's Fumare. That's Fumare. Ezra the Oven Dodger, or wife thinks I take Paul, cause Yanni makes me witch hazel my whole. Okay, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna honor Ezra, but we had to help him. So he lost points there.

So we're gonna direct him because we had to edit him. So we had to do that. But it's still very funny. So it is between, wife thinks I take Paul because Yanni makes me witch hazel my whole and when the smell hits your eyes like a Punjabi pie, that's from our end. Two good ones, no? We have to pick a winner. We can't give anymore. We can't do that anymore.

We can't do that. It's hard, but that's why we, you know? I am going to go, the winner this week, I'm going to go with Wich Hazel because it's just funny. It's a funny story. It's a funny image that his wife is going like, why are you paying so much attention to cleaning your asshole? And he's going, because the guy Y Yanni told me, and she's going,

I'm suspicious that you're getting banged today. It's what it is. So that's your winner. So the winner, congratulations. Why thinks I take Paul? Because Yanni makes me witch hazel my hole. You can see her name up at History Iainiz is back. You are the PPW.

And also we did an episode on neutrality. Panama Canal is supposed to be neutral. It's neutral. And this one's a little less racist. This one's a little more neutral. A little be neutral, and this one's a little less racist. This one's a little more neutral. A little more neutral and it's good and you could go to historyandisback.com to get tickets to our second live show in New York City at Gotham Comedy Club February 26th. We're doing a live history hyena show. You're going to want to be there.

And then you can get the tickets at ChristieComedy.com or YannisPoppitsComedy.com. Come see me September 11, 2025. I'm headlining the arena at Madison Square Garden. My only dream ever in comedy was to do that. So please come support that. And I have all my other show dates. We're in Texas. We're in Rhode Island. We're in a bunch of places. Go to ChristieComedy.com and just come see your boy. Yeah. And come see me this weekend in Chicago at the Den Theater, Friday and Saturday, and then see me in Philly the last weekend of April then of course Rochester, San Diego and some other dates Janus, Papas, Kaipa. Wait, Philly the last weekend in April or February? February! Yeah, last weekend of February I'll be in Philly at the punchline and a bunch of

other dates just go to historyhygienistback.com for tickets.