History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - JD Prance & Prance Bass | History Hyenas

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

Chris & Yanni go wild on this one. It’s been tense out there lately, so the boys just go wild. Support our sponsors: https://bluechew.com #comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at �� https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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or go to explorevolvo.com. We got a great episode for you guys today. We didn't really do a history topic. We just went off the rails old school because we figured the world's been pretty heavy lately. So we just had fun, fun, fun. If you want to laugh, you're really going to enjoy this next hour. Come see us, September 22nd at the Comedy Cellar in New York City. We're doing a live history hyena show if you want to be in the audience.

And then I will be doing stand-up October 9th, 10th, and 11th in Boston, Massachusetts, between the Wilburth Theater and the Chevalier. Go to ChrisD Comedy.com for Tiki wikis and have some fun. Yes, we just went wild today, just like the old day. Seemian Bakersfield, California, October 3rd and 4th, Toronto, October 18th, Tulsa, October 24th, and 25th. Now, enjoy this app. What's up, everybody. Welcome to another episode of history. Hyenas. I'm Chrissy Dee. We don't have a history topic today. We're just going to go off

because I've had enough. We are going to just take a second. This is what I call a breather. Yeah. We're taking a breather. It's a little on a mission from a topic. We don't want to do any topic. where someone could say, well, this happened, well, that, well, this, will that. There's going to be no well, this, well, that, well this, because we're just going to keep it light. We're going to prance today. Yeah, we're going to prance today because, you know, it's just been heavy the last week. And it's just like everybody says the same thing or they say the opposite of the same thing. It just depends what your algorithm wants.

I just want to do over. You want to do over. And, you know, we were considering whether we were going to have. an ex-Missad guy, whether we were going to have on a CIA guy. We didn't know whether to have on some investigative journalists. We didn't know whether to have some presidential candidates on. We wanted to really get into it. We wanted some...

This one guy has a very interesting theory about how Qatar is behind Israel, and Israel's behind Qatar and Qatar is behind Saudi Arabia, and Saudi Arabia is behind the United States. The United States is behind this pedophile cabal that originated in Moldova. We were going to give you that episode. because we know you want it, but we decided we're the history hyenas. We're going to take big, fat, slurps, smoothies, kick our heels in the air

and say, am I a cute kid today? And I am. I'm on the beam and you're off. Between us, we've got one foot on the beam. One foot on the beam. I mean, because I'm a little off the beam because this morning I take my daughter to the dentist, my little four-year-old,

and she needed a root canal, and that's just what you call too much sweets and not enough flossing. That's what you call genetics, her father's side. Yeah, that's what you call hanging out with Daddy a little too much. Yeah, and you know what it is too? It's like the laughing gas doesn't work. Then the Novocaine in the mouth, you know, just doesn't work. And then it just comes to like you as parents, we just have to like put our bodies over her and just hold her down and make sure her head doesn't move while

they could just rip her tooth out. And it just kind of sucks. And what moms are able to do is just a little while. I mean, I had to leave, come here. She's crum. crying, my daughter's crying, that my older daughter needs to be picked up from school, my stepson doesn't want to talk to anybody, and my, and jazz just, it's just handling it all, just figuring it out where I wouldn't, I would probably walk out. If jazz wasn't around, I'd probably just walk out, would have left my daughter at the dentist. Because I just get, you get too overwhelmed. Yeah, you get overwhelmed and you realize that nature built women with a bucket of empathy that we necessarily don't have. Yeah. Nature gave us this ever, ever

present will to go bang other women. It's just what it is. And that's just there. I'm not saying that for any reason except for the fact. This is a proven fact. You know, we're just, we're driven to reproduce and have different drives. I just get it.

When you have little kids, it is 100% a two-person job, maybe a more than two-person job. When you're a low, I think it should be illegal for a husband and wife to even consider divorce until the youngest one is 10. Yeah. When the youngest one is 10, you could go in front of the magistrate and say, we're done.

Yeah, no, I think it should be legally mandated that a husband and wife have to stay together even if they're going to kill each other. Yeah. So, this is what I think, because it's so hard to rate kids. So even if one of them kills the other one in a domestic violence dispute? Father kills a mother you're saying? Yeah, because that's usually what happens. But once in a while, the woman will try to pour a little peroxide in the husband's coffee as well.

Yeah, you get a little arsenic. Yeah. Yeah. So that will happen. Whatever go, whichever way it is. whoever tries to kill everybody the court should order because parenting is such a hard job

and as Republicans say you need a two parent home in order to become a criminal even if you kill one I think you should be forced to live with the body like weekend at Bernie's just so two parents are still present and I think you know what that's a good idea and that's

what that's in my platform because now I'm running for me here you know what you got the social media following to at least nominate yourself yeah I think you could do it. Yeah. I mean, let's look at some of our previous nominees and some of the biggest

thinkers we have. Yeah. Most of them haven't graduated college. No. I mean, some of them are on comedy podcasts. Yeah. Some of them went to community college dropped out. I mean, you don't need to be top of your class from an elite edgy institution anymore. Yeah, because you could be a kid who went to St. Joe's and become president of the United States. It used to be that that was unheard of. You'd be laughed out of the room. If I said, I'm voting for Christian Stephan for president and say, what is his background? I said the kid is hanging up in the St. Joe's Hall of Fame and that Hall of Fame is on Oster Tag in the hallway. Yeah. And he said, no, he can't run for president, but now you

can. Yeah, because make absolutely no mistake. I'm on my St. Joseph's college, which their motto is, watch what happens. And watch what happens is I'm going to run for mayor of New York. And I am the school's second all-time leading score. And I also have my picture up at the Connecticut muffin down the street. Street. And that's the truth for Peter Ginsburg. They got a picture of me up at the Connecticut, a muffin. I think Mondami, before he became an assemblyman, his job was actually rapper. Right. I think he was a rapper. And then I think his first job was... Because you would think out of all

the candidates on this whose job used to be a rapper, it'd be Eric Adams. That's the one you'd think. That's the one you'd think. That's the one you'd think. And then you think, you would think Curtis Silva was a painter from France in the 1920s. Yeah. Because the kids got a beret on. Yeah. And you would think Andrew Cuomo is dating my mom. That's what you'd think. Yeah. So that's where we are right now. And I'm in that 5% undecided. Yeah. You want to put, there's a picture of just a silhouette of a face and you're going to put Chrissy Dee's face in there. I am 46% I am of the 46% for Zora Mandani because it'll be great for comedy.

It'll be great for drama and it'll be great for husbands that are looking for. for a loophole. We've set up not me, myself. I just think shootings, everything will go down. If everyone could just empty their glue in an Asian woman's hand legally. Legally, and I mean, I got to be honest with you. I got to be honest with you is I'm just done. I'm just done. I told you this. I've been done with social media from the beginning. Okay. I've told you I've been done with it for years. I wouldn't care if it knocked my career back 20 links. I just want social media to go away, I think is 1,000% directly responsible for the decay of society, just like the sugar is directly responsible for the decay of my daughter's tooth. And I just don't, I don't,

I, here's what happened. I had to go, I went back on. You ready for this? I had a listen. So I went back on for just for a day, because I did the theater at MSG last week. Thank you. Shout up for everyone coming. Somehow Jeffrey Gurian will post pictures of him. Always finds a way into the green room. Oh, well, because shape shifting. Yeah, shape shifting. It's under the door. Yeah, and he interviews me with a crammy sandwich from Joey Roses sent sandwiches. So, and we couldn't have our favorite sandwich, which is the peanut butter and jelly sandwich with potato chips because the opener, our good friend James Madder, that's like sending a nuclear missile to his face. He can't be anywhere near peanut butter, so everyone else does to suffer because, you know, people are allergic to peanut, so I can't have my favorite sandwich when I'm just doing the fucking theater. But that's just okay.

A peanut will kill him. A peanut will kill him, and we just have to deal with it. Yeah. You know, Superman had cryptidate. James Bennett has... And it's not even a peanut. It's a hint of a smell of peanut. Yeah, yeah.

And that's our boy James. We freaking love him. He did a great job, open it up. And it's just everyone, that's why comedians are the best because they're just unique and different. You're going off? No. Okay.

So, so, but anyway, I had to go back on. I didn't have to go back on. What happened was, it's because, you know, it's a relatively, you know, big accomplishment for me. It felt like a bookend thing for me because I just was, like, like, you know, when I had done theater at MSG two years ago, right at, like a week after I sold my house, I felt like my whole life got turned upside down for two years, and now I feel out of it. It's like a bookend thing, right? So let me go back on social media. And then, you know, of course, it's like you got to deal with every comedian, you know, people we know, making

jokes about the tragedies or giving their stupid opinion without a joke, just giving your opinion. You mean me losing a lot of money betting on Canello? Yes. Because there's a lot of people that got upset about that. It got upset. It's another tragedy. Yeah, and I know, I know Sergio Chacon is one of them. Yeah. So, so all that where you just like shut up and then, but then what happened was too, I realized, see, it's interesting. The subconscious, it's real, baby girl, because I saw a lot of people I posted, a lot of people had commented, oh, you know, Chris, you're looking too skinny now, skinny, skinny, skinny, you kept seeing the word skinny. And then what happens is, is what happens is, is then subconsciously, it just gets in as like a negative somehow. And

And I noticed the last, the last four days, my eating has been off the rails because you're subconscious to be like, oh, now I'm too skinny, got to get fat, right? So what I'm really just done with is just people commenting about anything at all because I just don't do, like, the thing is, it's like, I would never comment you're too skinny or you're too fat. I just wouldn't say anything. I would say you look great, because why, why give my opinion about anything, Pia? But then you realize just like how, you realize where people's brains are going.

and it's because of social media, like the apathy, that I could just say anything unchecked. And I just, I'm so done with social media. I'm going back to a flip phone. I might even go become an Amish, aka the Hasidic Jews of Pennsylvania. I might even go there and take the Puerto Ricans with me because I'm just, I'm starting to really dislike people.

And you know me, I'm a people person. Yeah. And I'm really just starting to dislike everyone because of the apathy that I see. Right. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lack of humanity going on right now. Everyone's trying to capitalize off of tragedy.

And it's gross. It's getting a little transparent. But I think people are slowly realizing it. Because once, you know, you start going through these crazy conspiracies and you start to realize, you start to go, when you see posts like, oh, the truth will come out, I'm about to post it, you know, you can see the narrative they're creating. And you can tell that people are creating content and humanity is gone. That's one thing. I think what happened with you there, if you, if you, by the way, I just want to say, you don't meet many guys who wear their watch on the. the right. Most guys went on the left, but I like you with it on the right. Yeah. Now,

that's what I wanted. That is a perfect. And I'm going to start putting mine on the right. I'm a lefty. I'm ambidextrous. You know that. And that's how I do that. But that is a great segue into what I'm about to say. Only someone who's got a woman's brain. Right. Would notice that. Yeah. If you came in with your watch around your asshole, or around your neck, I wouldn't notice. Because if I came in with my watch or on my asshole, you would notice something on the face of the watch. And that would be a boy. It would be around the work The war would be holding it up

Because I've never had anal sex But I do just get an anal warrant That pops out every once in a while And what I do is I tie a string around it And I tie it to the doorknob And then I just have one of my kids Close the door and it rips the ward out And I bleed a little bit

And I throw a band-aid on it That's what you call That's what you call Frontier Medicine Ridgewood Frontier Medicine And it's what you call Getting the Family In Health Yeah

Yeah Yes That you could go see a doctor or Derbitogyns, or you could do that. But what happened there is two things, right? One thing is people have become way too comfortable giving their opinion on social media, saying things because they can hide behind their screen and their screen name.

And that is like another piece of evidence that speaks to how dehumanizing everything is. Because if you're in the real world, you don't say anything to someone unless you're good friends with them. Right. I can joke and say you look too skinny. Yeah, but friends. But a stranger is not just going to say you look too skinny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's, right there, there's a lack of humanity. Right. And that's the most innocuous example, but you can obviously see from there how it can grow to when there's tragedies, people say certain things. That's one side of the equation. The other side of the question is. And also, how can I be too skinny?

I'm 212 pounds. Right. The other is, now it's another good segue. The other thing is you're a sensitive guy with a woman's brain. and you don't, you get affected by comments on your looks. Yeah, you're just, like a woman would. Yeah. You can, so they need to take that into consideration.

If you're following Chris on social media, be kind. Yeah. Just tell him he looks good. Tell him his hair looks good. Yeah. Tell him I like that color on him. Yeah. Treat him like you would treat your mom.

You wouldn't say to your mom you look too skinny or you look too fat. No. You would say to your daddy to have a laugh, but your mom, she might develop a white wine habit. It's what it is. Yeah, so just treat Chris like a suburban waspian woman. who is married to a guy she hates but she married him for the money but now she regrets it

because she's got the pearl earrings he's got the big house and she feels empty so she develops a Ziffindale problem that she hides behind the fucking hamper Yeah you call me Chris the Wasp Just be kind Now because and also too

Just quickly going back You don't look too You look perfect And your eyes look great Thank you but it's because I got some I got some color Yeah no you look This is the best you ever look

I got some color And I went to a arts and crafts fair In my area And it was nice. Yeah. It was nice. And I bought a handmade clock. Yeah.

That was nice. Yeah. But it's also, too, on social media. It's also a little hacky now, I think. Like, I was on it for now, and it's like, everybody posts the same thing or everybody post the exact opposite of what, of the same thing. So it's like nobody has like an original idea anymore. Well, because it's all about extremism.

Right. It's been conditioned into people by the algorithm rewarding. extremity. Right. So that's what's happening. And then it's just, and it's constantly just looking for a fight. It's constantly. It's a dopamine hit from confrontation. And constant looking for a fight. So it's like you just avoid it. Like I used to be scared to be like, oh, I'm not on social media because it's like, oh, that affects your career. But now it's like, I almost feel like I want to tell people I'm not on social media because I don't think you should be on it either. I think it's awful for you and for your kids. Well, it is. Not you. I'm saying like

people listening. I'm like, I used, because I had a guy tell me once, why would you tell your fans you're not on social media, then they're not going to want to connect with you as much, and you're going to followers are going to go down. I'm like, have my followers go to fucking zero. I don't care. That would be, that would be fine by me. I think it's funny that the social media companies don't care, you know, because they know. They know. All the, all the research is out there. Yeah. I mean, it's just funny that they want the content creators talking to the fans. what could go wrong but the reason they want that is because they want us all on there for longer for longer and so it's like what do you want you want al Pacino in the comment section

why would you want that some fake screen name yeah calling him a calling him a pedophile yeah he knocked up some 30 year old and had a kid because what else is he going to do you're not going to go on there you're either going to say something kind or you're going to say something horrible yeah the reason you're saying some horrible is because you're attention begging yeah because you know the negativity bias will get people to look at the negative comment. So that's all, everyone's just begging for attention.

That's all it is, Cousie, and then hold on. And your, your Chrissy sees through it. That's all, I see, see through it. And you better do it. And you better just take him right now and take him at his word and say kind things because the kid does have a fucking steel pipe in his truck.

Yeah. And he will find out where you are. And even though they are my, you know, even though they are America's enemy, not Chinese Americans, but the nation of China, I will say that China

has done some good things with trying to ban TikTok and also they're doing some nice things in the Ugar province. Wei Song Xien. Las 14. Vegas, you appreciate some of the police tactics.

Yeah, yeah. Obviously, that's just a joke. It's a joke. It's just a joke. But I do, obviously, joking about the Ugar. But I am, I am happy that is good that they don't have,

I don't even go on TikTok, but the other socials from Facebook to Instagram to Twitter is I went on Twitter too I mean X and that I don't know if it's my algorithm I mean but it is nonstop negative it's so beyond bad that I was like just an out because I I never sensed this because I never went off for a long time but I mean to be off for months and months and months and then go right back in for an hour you realize how sick you realize how sick you can get on it well Elon's letting it fly out there and he keeps defending letting it fly. He's like it's a town square.

Well, because he owns it. Yeah, he owns it and he wants people on it. Right. So you're you're always going to have always. You're always going to have a conflict between public good and personal interests. But that's of all time. It goes. Yeah, it's all time. Well, that's the other thing too. I take it with a grain of salt. I think people, you know, now like, you know, blame social media and all these things, which I, you know, do. But it's like 200 years ago, there was something else to blame for the budding civil war. And I do think, I do think two things are going to happen, right? I think what social media does, specifically social media, because the internet is great.

Social media and these private little group shits that are unmonitored, it's just no bueno, right? You're, bad things are going to happen. Right. A lot of good things happen, but bad things will happen. But I think it'll go two ways, right? I think because what I think social media does is it accelerates it. It's on steroids. It's basically like steroids.

It just makes you hit farther home runs. Right. Because this is just humanity, right? Like you said, there was public, there was assassinations, there was extremists. Yeah, people get assassinated for 3,000 years. What social media does is people can find each other and it moves quicker. It galvanizes kind of idiots and hate speech. And if it galvanizes good stuff, it galvanizes bad stuff at the same time.

So two things are going to happen. And you can mark my words on this podcast. You can mark his words because he's a Marxist. I'm a Marxist. This is my prediction. Yeah. We either inevitably go the way of China, where it's completely censored. and completely regulated

or, and this is what I think is most likely and this is what I hope is that people will get so hip to this people will get so tired of the bad consequences the studies will take hold the research will take hold. The bad things that are happening will take hold much like they did with cigarettes

much like they've done with alcohol. Alcohol is down 50% alcohol assumption is down 50%. And what about Siggy's? Siggy's got to be down big, 80%? I mean, it's, no, Siggy's is probably like, only probably like 10% of the population smokes anymore. It used to be like 80, 90%. Really? Are Siggy's

down that much, Jesse? 100%. Yeah. 100%. So what's going to happen, I think, and I think this is one of the good things about capitalism, is that will create a market and a need for a social media platform that has taken into consideration all of this

negative research and all the negative consequences that are now backed by data. And they'll create a great site that people will willingly sign up for it, that has all these checks for all these negative factors. Well, they're doing it already, right? I mean, like, everybody asked Grock now, is that fact checking or not? All these companies are coming out now. Like, even my daughter, my older daughter, we were able to get her a phone that we have a give-ry, that's called a GAB-D-B, that it only allows her to do certain things and doesn't even have

social media on it. Right. So, like, they already, I feel like, we didn't know this, 20 years ago whenever it came out 15 years ago. But now I feel like the data is quick. The data is quick. Everyone knows people are getting it. So there will become these sites. Remember when we found out that some foods were bad? The next thing, you know, smoothies got hot.

And the market created, and it's a lucrative market. It became a lucrative market. So they'll be a social media site where you can still share with your friends. They'll be educational. You'll have to pay to sign up. You'll have to verify your identity. Everyone now is going like, I would never give my identity because they're going to use it. But people always...

They already have your identity, stupid. And one who tries to prevent that is like, are you a dumb asshole? They already have everything about you. People will look at this site. You'll have to subscribe to it. You have to pay a little bit. People will get used to that. You won't be able to have a fake account.

You won't be able to say negative things. You'll be, it'll be your friends. It'll go back to like virality. It would be like the way it used to be where you shared it to your friends. When's it going to happen? It's going to happen. Like, but when? It will happen.

In the next few years? I think sooner than you think. Yeah, because I just want to go back. Yeah. I think sooner than you think, I really do. Because I want to go back to the 80s. I want to go back to graffiti on the trains. I want to go back to just no cell phones.

And I want to go back to crack and AIDS. Yeah. Because there's one thing that's for sure. Yeah. And there's just an Eastern Hemmy walking around. Just she'll get clean. She'll get clean. She's just walking around out there and she'll get complete.

Why don't you just open there and say because she doesn't know the jargon? It would be real funny. If you just, once in a while, it's just fun to go, excuse me, do you want to get cracked open and cleaned? Yeah. And she'll go, excuse me? Yeah. Oh, I thought you was somebody else. Yeah, I'll just say, do you want to get Coco?

I think, I think just Mark Zuckerberg is not a good human being. No. I just think at bottom line, he's just not a good guy. Yeah, yeah. So, and I, and I don't, and I think that they've known this for a while, what it does to people. And I think we've just, I, I just feel good. I just feel good kind of getting. I think what happens is, too, is our, there's a little bit of lag time.

Things move so quick that our mindset, what do we got? Oh, wait, only 11%. I wasn't, 11% of American adults currently smoke. cigarettes representing an all-time low. Yeah. It's crazy. Wow. It used to be in the like 90% of people.

Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. All right. We're going to take a little break and then have probably an ad from Lucy. Yeah. We'll give you this next segment is brought to you by Marlboro. Yeah.

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George Washington Bridge. But I didn't do it because we have been, it has been confirmed that it is illegal, so I don't want to break the law. Andrew Huberman, I mean, do an episode on it. Deep breathing helps, but so does yanking off your chicken on the BQE. It's just what it is. Listen to Jim Norton's pot. Yeah. I mean, you really find a lot of solutions that are what you call home remedies. Yeah.

Yeah. Pulling a ward off by tying it to the doorknob. That's what you got to do? Yeah. Smacking off on the BQE. Yeah. Things like that really do help. There's Nick.

Yeah. Here's Nick. What is Nick? Nick Clips. Nick Eclipse. Nick Eclipse. Nicky Clips. And the reason why we call him Nicky Clips or Patty Clips

is because unfortunately we're comedians and we're very self-absorbed and we just don't bother to learn your last name. Yeah. So you just become Nicky Clips. He's Jesse Produce. Yeah. It's just what it is.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I wouldn't be shocked if Nikki Clips also has a transitioning furry boyfriend girlfriend at home. It's very possible. Now, has anyone ever called you Chrissy Gaios? Chrissy Gaias? No.

How come that one never came? I like that. Yeah, that just came to me right when I was looking at. They're Chrissy Chaos. How about Chrissy Gay-O? I like Chrissy Gaiaz. How about Chrissy Gaye-Yaz? Yeah.

Chrissy Gaye. Yars. Yeah. Now, because you were in my Emmy this weekend with Sergio. And the good thing about Sergio, what's interesting about Sergio and having a beautiful friendship as we do with Sergio is we bring him with us to work with us to give him, you know, we are getting these beautiful opportunities and we want our close friends like Sergio to share with us in these beautiful opportunities and he's put at the finest hotels on flights and, you know, just the finest clubs.

And he acts like he doesn't want to be there at all. And he acts like we're annoying him. You actually feel like you're opening for him. Yes. That's what it's like. That's what it is with Sergio. Yeah. He'll say something like when you're driving, you know, I had to park in the parking lot one block from the hotel because it was his birthday on September 11th. So I wanted to get a nice hotel on the beach, you know, instead of staying in Doral. Yeah. So we got a nice hotel in the beach. I took him to dinners and stuff like that. But he'll say stuff like when we're driving past the hotel.

He'll say, can you just drop me off while you go park? Yeah. So he just wants to get dropped off and for me to go by myself and park the car and walk. Because he's like I really don't feel like doing that walk pie. I need a glass of water. Yeah. Yeah, he needs to get right. Or how many times I've been trying to, you know, walk in through a back door because there's people.

You know, like, you know, you don't want to, you want to just get in, start to bear for the show. And he'll have to stop and smoke a cigarette. And I'll have to stand out there with him. and then people start coming up to me and then it's all because of him. Right. It's, oh, just, it just, he does what he wants to do. He's like, you pull over, I need a coffee.

Because if you don't, you got to get him the right amount. You know, it's like you're constantly monitoring his moods. Right. So if he, he's got to wake up, and he's got to wake up, and he's got to run about 16 miles till his toes bleed. Right. He needs to run, and then he can almost get into a good mood. Yeah.

More coffees and 16 miles. Yeah. And then you might have a pleasant surge. Or what about the time? Or what about the times when you bring him on the road, as I did, and we had show. in Boston and then the next night we had shows in Maine and because he wanted to eat too much Chinese food

he got some type of stomach parasite and had to miss all of the shows in Boston vomiting was actually in the hospital and then I took him to Maine with me and he was able to do the show in Maine and then when he sent me an invoice he invoiced before the shows that he missed Boston and then you just got to pay him because you just got to do it because he's like oh my time I was with you pop yeah I was

away from my family and do you remember he just got to deal with it when we all went to Providence and I went with you guys and then he got sick and then I had to open for you You had to open because he, yeah, he was sick. He was just, like, got sick, and he had to go to the hospital. And then he didn't pay the bill there either. How many times do we take this guy on the road?

He just has to go to the hospital. He just got to go to the hospital. Yeah. I mean, you got to constantly keep him, you know, it's you. Temperatures got to be good. He's like, you got to keep him at the right temperature. It's almost like the snakes in his cage. They've got to be keeping at the exact right temperature light.

That's Sergio in real life. That is a perfect. He needs the perfect circumstance. If it's a little too hot out, he's going to complain about walking. Yeah. I'm going to say, let's take a straw. And he's going to go, no. Yeah.

He'll go, no. And he's got it, you're in the car, and you're listening to something. And he goes, he goes, this is gay music. And then he'll put on some rap. And, you know, he'd be like, have you heard ghost face killers? And then he'll start telling me ghost face killer lyrics, like, I care at all. Yeah, I don't care at all. He does it like news.

He's like, have you heard about this beef between, I'm like, no, dude, no, dude. I'm an adult. I'm not thinking about rap beefs. Yeah. When are you 16? Yeah. I mean, what the fuck, dude? Yeah.

Are you? buying wordup magazine and following what's going on with 50 cent i mean fucking what's going on and he says his daughter doesn't like rap as much as him it's like yeah grow up yeah you're not supposed to be fucking listening to a wrap around your daughter yeah and i don't know why i'll take you to these nice beautiful theaters where we have all these people here to see us and you're wearing cargo pants and roberto clemente jersey he loves that roberto clemente jersey too much i want to get him a new jersey yeah yeah i mean what about the time for his birthday i was San Francisco. I took him to this beautiful Chinese food

restaurant. He just complained about how much sodium was in the food. He just he takes advantage of the fact that we he knows we love him and we're bringing him because he's our friend and also he could take or leave being there. Yeah. It's not his main thing. He likes doing comedy but he's a

you know he's a boxing fitness instructor. Yeah and even with all this it's like one it's like I'm still just I'm going to take him on for the rest of the tour. Yeah he's just take him as much of my head. He just could take it to leave it and this is what he also do right? So before the show on Friday night, because he was a former cocaine addict, he needs about 15 shots of coffee in order to feel alive, in order to feel a little juice. So in Miami, he had like three

Cuban coffee, two expressos. So then when I picked him up, first of all, he's gone. I'm like, we got to go. We're running late because you know me. I'm not too organized. I'm like, where are you? He's like, I'm at the coffee shop. I'm like, where? He's like, pick me up. So I got to go pick him up some coffee shop. And he's like, I got you a double shot. And I'm like, okay, I'll do a double shot. This is about 7 p.m. I didn't get to bed until 6 a.m. the next day? Yeah. Because it was like, I can't do a double shot.

And that's another thing with Sergio, when I, we used to, to save money, I used, because it used to make you pay for his flight and pay him, you know, primo freaking feature pay. So we'd have to stay in the same hotel room. He falls asleep within 90 seconds. You'll be talking to him. You'll get back. You want to like maybe, you know, debrief the day, chill with your boy a little bit. And then you look over and he's fully passed out 90 seconds.

Yeah. Snoring. All he did was make me feel bad about how early the flight was on Sunday. Which is hilarious because usually he'll be upset that I booked it a little later. Right. So it's like you just can't win. You can't win with Sergio. You just got to make sure Sergio's comfortable.

In fact, that's what I'm going to start calling my tour. My next tour is going to be hopefully Sergio's comfortable. Yeah, called Sergio's Comfortable. The Sergio's Comfortable Tour. Speaking of live dates on Monday, we are doing a live history hyena show at the Comedy Cellar. So go to Comedy Cellar.com. Go to History Aynizis is Back.com. Comedy seller, September 22nd.

I believe the show is almost sold out. So go if you want to see us live. And then let us know what topic you want. Why don't we let the fans pick the topic this time? You pick it. And also November 12th just announced we will be at the Crown Hill Theater for the New York Comedy Festival in Brooklyn, New York. That's Wednesday, November 12th, 8 p.m. Tickets are on sale now.

So go get them. I don't know where they're on sale. But if you Google that, you can, you can, you can, you can, find tickets. Yeah, just Google that. Yeah, we got to get that up on our sites because it's just one of those things where we are on about 50 emails with the promoter and Janice and I haven't responded to one of them. No, we just have not. We just have not because I'm just at a point in my life where I'm just going to say let nature take its course. If the email, if we'll do the show, if it happens and if not, then we won't do it and we're just going to keep moving

forward, baby gorgeous. We're going to move forward. Your hair looks good. So do you. Did I tell you that you look just the right amount of weight today? I appreciate that. yeah just you you're an anomaly you don't look like a guy that a comment like that would affect you but that's who we are we're sensitive guys it's not it's not even it's not even that it's not even that it's that people make comments i've just realized that like everybody is tipping most people 99% of people are looking for some way even through a compliment to take you down so they could feel up that is just what human beings do how can i make you feel bad and and sometimes you don't even realize it like i used to do it i used to do at times a comedian would be you know very successful

and i'd like well you know they're doing great but it's like you know they don't have kids it's so hard and it's like what am i really saying there what i'm really saying is is oh i'm not doing as well as them because of this reason right so it's like you got to catch that and just be like if you're going to say something have it just be a genuine compliment nothing about you at all Right, right. Well, let's just, let's get to the bottom of what's going to. Because when I say that you look handsome, I genuinely mean it, and I'm telling you, I'm this close to flipping gay. I've been teetering now for the past two weeks. I've been teetering and jazz has noticed it. Well, can I also just say, can we just be honest for a second?

I want you to be, this is what we call honest, yonis. Yeah, I'm going to be honestly honest, yonis for a second. You do what you got to do. We're in this business. Yeah, and Nick looks like Jasmine's sister. He does a little bit actually. It looks like Jasmine's sister. It looks like you brought one of her cousins that you. that you were scheduled to watch. Nick has got absolutely gorgeous freaking hair. And I definitely saw him

dressed up yesterday at the Renaissance Fair because I went. I know you did. And I'm going to talk to you about it. Yeah, let's talk about the next. But let's just be honest. Tell me to be honest with me, baby. You're in this business. We're in this business. You're nice. We've got to be nice. We've got to make people laugh. We've got to do these things. We've got to do these things. But there was just a party when you saw that comment that you wish that that person said that to you in person so you could take their head clean fucking off.

Yeah. Let's just be honest. Let's just not hide that anger and rage Sometimes there's an emotion that's appropriate And people just need to get socked in the head That's what it is Yeah, because that person who came up to you and said That you too skinny is going to go Oh, it's Chrissy, Chrissy, Chrissy, Chrisie, Chrisie, chaos

But then you go, listen, because I want to take your head clean off I want to fucking treat you like Marius Scots Yeah, take your head clean the fucking off That's what it is, yeah Yeah, somebody really annoyed me yesterday at the Renaissance Fair, they came up to me, and they just, I forgot what they said,

but they said something kind of, like, oh, are you that guy? What's your name again, that guy? And it started to piss me off. And then I noticed he had cauliflower ear. And I said, my name's Christopher Stephano. What can I do for you, sir? I do appreciate that once in a while when someone gets a little comfortable

and they say some. And then the guy just says, hey, listen. I love what a guy calmly goes, hey, I listen to what you said and understand. I knew you were joking, whatever. But here's the situation. I'll take your head clean off. And then you see the guy go,

I'm really sorry. You know, it's just, we need that in society. You just need that. And I had to write it down. I had to write it down on the way in. I had to remind myself to get back on the beam. And I had to write down some of the things that I lived by. I had to remember that to forgive yourself and others.

I remember my friends, you have to release anger and guilt to move forward. And remember that, my friends. I also had to remind myself to renew yourself daily. My friends take time to rest, reflect and reset. That is very important, my friends. Spread love wherever you go. My friends, you never know whose life you will touch. My friends, be a good listener.

Wisdom often comes from unexpected. And last but not least, my friends, welcome obstacles, challenges, or opportunities in disguise. Never remember, never forget this, my name. Yes, yes. So that is what sometimes you need to just calm down and just do that. Sometimes you need to calm down and do that and kind of just accept that your life is not going to be as fun as far asheen's, but you still might wind up with AIDS. Sometimes that's just what is. That's just how it happens.

Charlie Sheen lived a fun, fun life. Yeah, sometimes you spend the wheel and you have a great time at the casino, but you do leave with AIDS. Yeah, it happens. Way song she ain't. It's not guaranteed you won't leave without AIDS. Now, you'll never come with me to medieval times or the Renaissance Fair. I thought you're going to say you're never going to come with me. Yeah.

No, we're not going to simultaneously dock. You would never come with me to Renaissance Fair in medieval times. You're never going to do it because I went yesterday and I want to go again next weekend. Well, here's the thing that's great about us. The thing that we have in common is we both love to prance. Yeah. We both love to stroll. Yeah.

Okay. We both love history. So that's what we have in common. When we're strolling for history, that's good. Yeah. But after the history tour is done, we go separate ways. That's what it is. I go to museum.

and pranced around like a girl. And you go to the Renaissance Fair and prance around like a finger sniffer. Because you know what your new name is? What? J.D. Prance. I'm J.D. Prance. Yeah.

I went to the Renaissance. And I'm Prance Bass. Because we're J.D. Prants and Prants Bass. And together we Prants, pick. Those are our A.K.A.s right there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I am J.D. Prants and you're Prance vans.

And when we get together, we prance history. But then after the history tour, You go to the Renaissance Fair. I've been here with you once. Yeah. And you came from my birthday. I came from you. And I got to say that there was probably nothing I enjoyed less.

Yeah. It was one of the things I enjoyed the least in my life. Wanted to get out of there. I wanted to get out of there. The people there are gross. Yeah. The people there are sweaty. Yeah.

They're fat. Yeah. They got uniforms on from the past. And it's not like fun uniforms. It's nothing cute. It's not a red coat. Yeah. It's not a Hugo Boss outfit.

No. It's not like, it's like they're dressed like ghouls. Yeah. Like it's a J.R. Tolkien book. Yes. I mean, what do you like about that? That's all it is. I just like because it feels like I'm going back in time.

I like people talking with little ancient accents. And I do feel that I live during that time. I feel one of my personalities, one of my lives I must have lived during that time because I feel a deep connection to that and colonial America. You put me in a Renaissance sphere or Colonial Williamsburg. I'm very, very happy. That's what I think. And then my recent life was, of course, being German because I got very happy in Germany. Yeah.

I think I died in Germany in the 40s I think I died in the American Revolutionary War and I also think I lived and died in some type of maybe King Henry the 8th medieval England I think the door that you have in your little sane room is a little too thin

Yeah I think Yeah I think we need to I think we need It needs a metal reinforced door Right you know like fire code Yeah For when like you have your boiler And then the fire code makes you put a metal door there Yeah you got a wood door there that's protecting you from

like to go if you open that door it's insanity yeah that door is a little too it's a little too flimsy it's a little too flimsy yeah i'm you're talking about previous lies that you think you had should i be worried yeah because when are we just going to cave in and get you a dose should i get you a dose for your birthday i'd like a dose my birthday yeah next next belated gift yeah i'd like what about christmas i just want to show up with a zoloff prescription yeah by the way i have your fucking housewarming gift in my car and i left it in the car and i would i'm not going to tell the truth it's been in there for three weeks. Yeah.

So I have it in the car, but I'm so out of it. I can't remember to carry it into the studio. Because do you know how I always set alarms to make text people, you know, check in with them and all that? I have 17 alarms set on my phone at all times. That's what you got to do. Yeah. You got to just start setting alarms.

I do have to do that. Yeah. Yeah. So if you take a little walk to the car, I'll walk with you. I'll give you your gift. Yeah, I got to get my roof cleaned a little bit. Yeah. So, but I have your gift and it's going to sit on a table and it's, that's a classy people do.

Yeah. is they have books that they never read on the coffee table. That's just something. I'm sure Jazz knows that. It's what we all do because we're all pretentious pieces of shit. Yeah. And that's just what rich people do. Yeah.

Have you ever noticed that there's just books on the table and they're there for the look? Yeah, I got a book on my table right now. It's called Italian chic. Yeah. I don't even know it's in all in Italian. Yeah. My wife went and got a couple books from marshals and she said these will just look great under the mirror by the door. Yeah.

And they're there for decoration. It's there for purely decorative. I now let me it because you're a kid that oh yeah you know what right after this we're going to we're going to get it to yani's reading habits yani you're a kid that likes to read you're a kid that reads a lot of books now how do you what's your deal how do you because i find i can't read book like i've been trying to read this book the british are coming about the uh revolutionary war for like four years and i can't read more than 10 pages and i don't read it for six months maybe it's a bad book well that but i also that's most

books for me. I just, you think it's because the phone distra- like the time when I'm dicking off on my phone or watching Sports Center over and over and over again, you're reading a book? No, that's not necessarily the case. So then how do you read so many books? I don't read so many books. But you've read a lot of books? I've read books in the past, but since I've had kids, I don't read any books. Zero.

No, I haven't read a book in a long time. Jesse reads a lot. So how do you read books, Jesse? What's your strategy? I read in the morning when I first wake up. Got it. No, it's just habit. It's just Yeah, but yeah, I spend about a half hour in bed and I just read.

So even this morning? Yeah, I got an idea for you. You should just start with simpler books. Okay. Like an easy book. Just start with an easy book to get you in the flow. Like, you know, pick like something simple, like an autobiography, something that's written for it. Yeah, because the British are coming as a great book, but it's, first of all, the word, there's some of them, some of it is like in old English, it feels like, and the words are so microscopic on the page.

You know, you get a Kindle, too. Kindle is a great way to read because you can make the words really big. Yeah. And then pick, I'm reading Al Pacino's autobiography right now. You might love it. It's super easy. And if you love the movies, he kind of takes you back there and you get in the habit of reading. Yeah, like I was trying to read the Jekyll Island about the Federal Reserve.

Have you ever read that one? Yeah, this shit sounds dense, bro. Too much, right? Yeah. Maybe start with Big Dumb Eyes by Nate Bargatsy. Yeah. Start with that. And that's a good, you know, or a comedian's book.

Just start something. But I like to learn in a book. That's why I'm always trying to educate myself. on the book, but then I think I learn more watching documentaries. Well, you could listen to books. I listen to books, too. Like, podcast. More dense shit I listen to.

Right. I read a lot on the internet. Like, I'll read articles all night, all day. I'll read articles. I'm constantly reading on the internet. So you're very, very, very seldomly just scrolling mindlessly. I'm always reading. It's always learning.

I'm always learning. I'm always talking to, if I'm talking to AI, it's like I'm exploring something, learning something. Right. Yeah. I'm like, I'm always want to learn shit. Right. Right, so that's what I got to just do that. Yeah, but you do that a lot too.

Yeah, you do that a lot too. Maybe there's just no problem with you. Maybe there's just no problem right now. Yeah, maybe there's a, you know what I learned? You know what I learned is a big one? Yeah. That they, in the mental health community, that they've figured out is I think they think a big theory is anxiety is you feel like if you're not, if anxiety is like a cure for loneliness.

Like, in other words, like when nobody else is around, you start turning the wheels so you don't feel so alone so it's like it's an old friend you're going like oh you're there again so things are happening right like you're scared to sit with yourself because you feel like if you sit with yourself you'll just vanish or think you'll disappear you'll float into nothing but when really the truth is is when you sit with yourself everything else becomes more vibrant you know right he's blowing everything well that's why i it's like a loneliness i used to realize and i don't do this as much anymore unless i need to but i used to realize a habit that i would have is if i was driving I would always have to call someone.

I would be on the phone with someone the whole drive, probably because it felt lonely because I'm alone in the car. And especially if it's dark on a dark road, I'm always looking behind it, see if somebody jumped in the back seat. Right, you never know. I would always do that. You know me, I would always try to drive with the lights on. A lot of times I would drive with my light on,

what do you call that interior car light? And then a lot of times in the middle of drive, I've already been driving for two hours. I'll never forget I was doing like Salem State University. It was a really dark road. And I would put my car flashlight on. check, make sure no one's in the back seat. And then there's certain highways in Connecticut.

Like, I won't go. If I'm coming down from Boston and go home, I won't go down, I think, what, the Merritt Parkway in Connecticut, I won't go down because there's no lights. I have to stay on 995 because it's a little bit more lit up. Yeah. Now, here's the funny thing about Chris. It's just what it is, right? Jokes a lot.

He tells a lot of stuff. But when I saw some of that stuff, when you did it, I thought it was a joke. Right. Like, I thought you weren't doing it seriously. So, and now that I know this is true, that I do support. dosage. It's just a little dose, right? Well, you know, we all have our things, but I remember the first time I was in Chris's apartment, and he took a shit with the door open. Yeah. And I thought it was a joke, and I was going, where are you doing it? He's like, I just don't want to be in the room by myself.

Yeah. And then he was also running the water. And I go, why do that? And he goes, it's just a little childhood anxiety. So you're aware. Yeah. But you need to run the water. Yeah, that's why all the the showers in my house, nobody has shower curtains. Everyone's got clear. And if, and if you, and if you won't do that, then we'll just take a shower with no curtain. Right. In my room. And the kids, you know, obviously, whatever they want, you know, the rest of the family, but in my shower, it's either fully, because then I couldn't keep pulling the curtain back, you know what I mean? So you were scared as a kid, you must have been scared as a kid. Something must have happened to lock out, yeah.

Big. Something must have happened. Yeah, yeah. Now, what happens if it's a ghost in the car, though, because you can't really see ghosts, but you can feel their presence. Right, right. And they do like to crawl in the cars. So they crawl in the cars.

Because if you notice ghosts are always in somewhere. So ghost? How come a field never gets haunted? Right. It's always my house is haunted. Right. Yeah, the ghost doesn't have a body. Why does it need to be inside?

Yeah, so ghosts don't go some kind of over that now. They don't scare me as much anymore. But the dark, what I've told you, it took me a couple of weeks, but I do frequently go in the basement now. I didn't for the first two, three weeks. I wouldn't go down. Huge. Huge. You went into the party of your house.

This morning, I woke up at 5.15 in the morning. And where I live, you know, is not a lot of lights around. So I, 5.15 in the morning, and I was laying there until about 5.45 because I wanted to wake up early to go to the gym. And I said, and it took me about 20, 30 minutes just to get up the courage to go up and brush my teeth because it was fully dark out. that's scary so then i got brushed my teeth and then i said okay and then i got fully dressed for the gym and i said how am i going to get from the bedroom down to the car that's a real dilemma because i said because i don't have lights on the outside of the property yet floodlights floodlights floodlights out but they're going to come and fix it because i don't know how to fix it the floodlights so i said how am i going to get down to the car and then thank god jazz woke up and i asked jazz if she could

watch me go into the car and she did and i made it to the gym that's why it's important to have a wife that's important to have a wife. It's also very, that's why this podcast is very important because there's a lot of people out there struggling with that type of dilemma. How do I get from my room to the car without lights being fully on? Without a floodlight. Yeah, because, because this is something people face all the time. And there's a lot of times where it blows my mind how my little daughter, both of my daughters can do that. My four-year-old and my 10-year-old will walk from their room and sometimes crawl into our bed in the middle of the night. And I say, how are those girls getting there with no lights on? They must be terrified.

Because I wouldn't be able to go to their room In the middle of the night Even if I heard them calling for me I would say you could have to wake up mom I can't I'd be paralyzed with fear So cuz how do you think they're doing it? I don't know I don't know maybe because they have a kid's brain And it hasn't formed fully yet

But once it forms fully I don't know how they're going to go through a house in the dark I have to turn on all the lights when I go down the stairs I see what you're saying So you're basically saying they're so young That through their own naivity They don't know how dangerous walking from one room to the other is In the dark.

Right. Yeah. Anybody could pop out. Anything could happen. Anything could happen there. Yeah. I don't know if you've thought that, but people don't think about that a lot. When you're going from one bedroom to the other, anything can happen in that hallway.

Yeah. I mean, ghosts could come out. Anybody could pop out. People that you didn't know were there. Yeah. Or if you have a lot of windows in your house like I do, you could just look over one day and somebody could just be staring at you on the other side of that window. And it might even be you, and that's even scarier.

Yeah, there's a lot of things that can go wrong. A lot of things that can happen. You know, hotel rooms. I don't know how people sleep with. With, you know, at least the bathroom light has to stay on and the TV. Right. People, but like, sometimes my mother has told me she lives in that household by herself and she'll just sleep no lights on, no TV.

Yeah. And I don't know how she does that. Has there ever been a time you've been in a hotel and the TV wasn't working and- I'll watch my phone? I'll watch Colin Quinn's specials on my phone. Okay. So what if those go out? Have you ever knocked on another person's door and say, can I climb into your bed?

I've never done that, but I have said that I have kind of said that I've made less money than I actually did to Sergio so I could convince him to sleep in my room and I could get a double queen because I've said that I can't afford to get your own hotel and but that was a lot. This is great that it's helping people out there who struggle with going from one room to the other

because it's something that people won't talk about but some people do have ghosts in their hallway and you need to pay attention. Is there any way to exterminate? Is there any way to get rid of all the bad spirits that may be in the hallway? I mean, honestly. Has there ever been one there?

So far, no. So, there's been, no, there hasn't ever been a ghost or there have, there are some dings that are running around. How much data does your nervous system need to know that you're safe? I, that's, I don't know. Because at this point, you got 40 years of data. Because I remember when I was watching the, I never forget, I was getting my hair cut from my boy, Stefano and Panachian, third afternoon, New Bearers. Stephano, we got the golden clippers. Yeah, he's got the golden clippers, half Italian, half Greek.

He's one of my favorite kids. kid. And then I remember I was watching at that time the Ted Bundy documentary. And he's cut my hair and he was like, so what are you watching? Anything good? And I was like, I'm watching that Ted Bundy documentary. It really freaks me out. He was like, why? And I was like, I don't know. It was like, you know, sometimes you think like even though he's dead, like, what if there was another serial killer out there like him? You know, he'll get you. And he was like, wouldn't you just throw him through a fucking wall if he came up behind you? He was like, you're a big guy. Yeah. Wouldn't you just heard him? And I was like, yeah, I never thought about that. He's like, he's like,

Like, you're worried about Ted Bundy. Yeah. He was like, if that guy ever came up to me, he was like, I forgot what he said, but he said something funny. And I was just like, oh, right, like other guys don't get nervous about other guys taking them down like a serial kid because they're like, I'll, they just assume, oh, I'll overpower you. Right.

But I forget that I could be, that I can overpower people because people call me skinny in the comments. Yeah, I don't even think a serial killer would mark you. I've never been beat up or jumped once in my life. Yeah. Because kids are like, he's too. big. Yeah, he's just a big kid. Why would I try to do that? Why would I try to do that? They usually go

for smaller targets, especially serial killers. Right. Yeah, they're just not going to attack you. But I think what happens is you have the feelings that you had as a kid and you just like are stuck there. Right, never got out of it. You don't realize that you're a big, big kid with a big head. Nobody I don't even think. I could throw a nice, I could throw

a nice right. Yeah, I mean, you could throw a nice right. You're a big kid. I mean, we're not small kids anymore. No. I mean, you're a six foot one kid, two 70. No, I'm 2. I'm 212. I just wanted to make a joke to get you insecure. Oh, yeah. Because I knew you'd react like that and correct me. Yeah. No, I'm 212 as of this morning. Yeah. Me and you are the same weight that's not good because I'm an inch and a half shorter than you. Yeah, it's what it is. But have you been, let me ask you this. Have you been trying to rain in your diet?

No. Have you been trying to eat less peas? Have you been doing what you're supposed to do? Or you've just been up in the Zinn and up in the pits? Yeah. Why would I do that? Why would I do something that's good for me. I need to change. Yeah. You're a 50-year-old fucker. I need to shoot that beam. I need to shoot that beam.

I need to mainline that beam. Yeah, you need to. I'm not mainline that beam. Yeah, and by the way, can I just give a quick shout-out and just I want to just discourage any fans from doing this? But the fan who came to my show at theater at MSJ and who was definitely intoxicated so I know that. but who on 7th Avenue

pulled down his pants and bent over and screamed that his asshole also was a USB port I swear that's true there was witnesses there that saw that and I mean the kid just did that and I just want to say it was funny but don't do that again he spread his ass on 7th Avenue

kids get excited and he said his asshole was a USB port kids are fed yeah he's a fan it's what it is yeah and shout out to the kid who came in Miami we had great weekends you great weekends it was big MSG's big do you feel better now. You see, you made it all in your head like

it was this anxious thin, but it was actually a great time. It's a great benchmark. Yes. It's a big venue. And I wrote something down because sometimes you've got to write down your feelings. Because I wrote down my feelings, September 12th, I said, what did I say? I wrote down my feelings

and I said, okay, Chris, you did good last night. This show felt like a bookend moment for us. When we did Radio City and theater at MSG two years ago, things were going so well. And then we sold our house a month later. And then our life really started to get a little turned upside down, right? Career felt stalled. We put on weight.

Things with jazz got bad. But as time went on, we worked to get back to a much better place, the place that we feel like we're in right now. And doing show at that same spot theater as MSG where we felt the downfall kind of... If you're going to write to yourself and refer to yourself in the third person, you're going to have to check for grammar. It's just what it is. And I said, doing that show at the same spot,

the MSG, where we felt the downfall kind of began, felt like a full circle moment for us in a positive way. that's what I want to myself. That's a kid who's sitting down to process his emotions. Now, is it okay that I was talking to myself and calling us? Yeah, well, that's where I get a little worried. Yeah, because if you're maybe a couple of people. Yeah, yeah.

Because my name is, is Prance Bass, a.k.a. Chrissy Milligan. You might have multiple personality. No, you're a kid who journaled his feelings, and that's very progressive and that's very gay and in the neighborhood you come from that's very, very gay. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm A.O. Chrissy. You're AOC. I'm A-L-K. Yeah, you're A-O-K, A-O-C-A-O-Cissie.

Yeah. But that's okay. That's why me, you and Sergio are friends, right? Because Sergio's a kid who journals. He'll go beat up a drug dealer. Yes. And then he'll journal, and then he'll text you something like, good morning, beloved. Yeah.

Peace, beloved. And then he'll talk to you about, he'll talk to you about something that he wants you to believe that he came up with. But then you kind of just put it in chat, Chi-T, and you realize he's reading the Quran. Yeah, he's reading the Quran. Yeah, he's reading the Quran. He's reading the Quran now on a daily basis. And he's just texting you things that are directly from the Quran and it's just

what it is. Or he's quoting Che. And that's just what the kid is. He's just a communist kid. He's a communist kid. He told me he said, yeah, I said when you went to Cuba, did you hate it? He was like, you know, and he avoids the question because he's a snob too. Yes. He's a snob too. Like we said, he likes the perfect

temperature and all this type of stuff and good food and all that stuff. But then when it comes to asking about Cuba, he'll say, was there anything there that turned you off? And he'll just avoid the question. avoid the question and then he'll say I understand what you're saying it's a great idea but why do so many people want to flee there

and then he'll say those are the ones you hear about he's like everyone else loves it right so that's just that's just what he does yeah he's just a snob he's a snob and it's what it is it's Sergio Chacon instead of she code it's Chacon and yeah so sometimes he's got to just check it with yourself but then you were in Miami so you also have

full circle moments because you told me because this may be the last time you're going to Miami now for a little while Yeah, we did Moresa, but now it's like I do it for like 10 minutes at the end. And Miami's, I haven't done her since the last time I was in Miami. And it's fun doing her because people there love it. And it's fun doing her because you can say a lot of crazy shit when you're in a costume. But yeah, it just feels like, you know, I just, I don't want to do it anymore. I just don't want to do it anymore.

Maurice is going to retire, you're saying? Or Miami? What do you mean? No, no, not Miami. I love Miami. I love Miami. I love Miami. I'm a New York Miami. Did you go to Chugg's Diner?

I kept telling Sergio to go to Chugs Diner. No, we didn't go there. I love Miami. I just don't feel like, yeah, I mean, the character's like, I've said everything that needs to be said. Was it to Miami Improv, the one down by the airport? Yeah. It's a great club. Love Justin and Melissa.

Yes. Wow, they've been there forever. They run a great club. I did a New Year's Eve. Yeah. Great. He was wearing a Chrissy Chaos shirt. Was he?

Yeah. On the first night Thursday night. Yeah. You know, I got history with the, I've been, you know, I love, Melissa and Justin. You've been going to Miami Improv for what, 10 years? 12 years. 12, 13 years. He's been there for 20. You were even there when it was not at that location.

It was in Coconut Grove. Coconut Grove is my favorite part of Miami. Is that where you stayed in Coconut Grove? No, we stayed at the beach. What hotel? Mid Beach. Nice? Yeah, it was nice.

Nice. It was nice. We had a good time. It's always a good time. I love Miami. Miami to me, if you ask me, I'm in New York, Miami. Those are my two cities. I love both those cities.

I could live in Miami But I'd rather live in New York But Miami's a spot I like to go away for a couple days Go to Miami I love the Latin flavor I love the culture It's the most diverse place

All the Latin cultures They're just fun And you know your way around Miami now Way around a little bit It's just a great place It's a full city now Did you go to I love Oh it was one to go to Miami

I know they have a chain But there's a place for breakfast I love going there Is it called like what the hell is it called Oh Viva Pura Vita No we went to this place Cafe Buccafe

steel down in South Beach. It was delicious. We went to this Greek spot. A little underwhelming. I'm just being honest. Well, Greeks are not really going to Miami. There's Greeks there, but the Greek wrestling is just a little bit of Elos. In New York?

Yeah. I want to go to Mito. Yeah. We went to a couple good restaurants. We had some Cuban food. We had a good time. Serge worked out. You didn't work out with search?

I didn't work out with search. No. Did you work out at all? I did not. So you're okay. See, that's another thing I have is a lot of FOMO. Like if Sergio was working out or anybody, if you were going for a walk and I really want to sleep,

I would say, I got to be out there. I got to live. I'm only going to live once. You got to wake up. But you're okay just being like, you do what you need to do. I want to do what I want to do. Sometimes.

Sometimes I want to go. Yeah. Sometimes. Sometimes, yeah. There's nothing wrong with you. Yeah. It's not wrong with me. We're just people.

We're just people that we're just living. What do you say? We're just two pieces of the pie. We're all parts of the pie. We're all bees in the same hide. We're all bees in the same heart. Remember, if you want to comment out there on social media, something bad. Just remember you can't hurt someone else without hurting yourself.

That's exactly right. Just remember this. And also, before we get to the Patreon names, I just want to shout out one who we missed, and they've emailed us several times, and I'll just read you right now. Corinne Fisher must be pissed that Hassam Minaj won the primary. It's hilarious. That's a Patriot name. That's hilarious.

And I think probably maybe, is it good enough for a list? That is very inside, so I would give it a Drexler. You would give that a Drexler? It's a very inside. Yeah. So, of course, as always, at the end of every episode, we go to patreon.com slash history hyenas. That's where all the fun and flavor is.

You get extra bonus episodes there. But really, in addition to the bonus episodes that you get, which everybody's Patreon gives you, it's great. We're off the rails in there. But it gives you a chance as a fan in this very, very, very kind of PC, you know, what kind of world is it?

What am I like a very, it's kind of like a caged-in world out there. Patreon.com slash history hyenas. is you can be the person you were 10 years ago. You could say whatever you want. You could be free. Work's not going to find out. You just let loose. You want to be trans on there, whatever you want to do.

Yeah. Nick's on our Patreon. Yeah. Yeah. What you want to do, if you want to tune out, tune in to us. That's what you're-tune out, tune in, have a good time. Yep. We're here to just have a good time.

Yeah. And that's why we did this episode today. Things are getting a little heavy out there. So we just wanted to just have a nice episode. And just connect with each other. Perfect time to go to patreon.com slash history aina is because literally, I mean, there's nothing to worry about. There is zero anxiety there. It's just the most fun place for us.

So the newest members of the matriarchy, as always when you join me, we'll read out your name. Tyler Nickham. Then we got the United Israel's of America. Dusty, Javier, James Rose, Sean Moran, Mike, Michelle's Balls. Fun. Now fumes can't leave. Now his ewes can't leave Now his fumes can't leave

Let's list it Okay That's what we call Okay you know what that is That's a Kwame Brown Okay Meaning it came out early We don't know how it's gonna do

Right But it's highly touted Highly touted right now Yeah Bradley wading Bradley waitling Banged a girl from China I mean a lantern fly

Because of the lantern flies Yeah It means he did he kill it I guess he did Yeah Which by the way the lantern flies I just want to let everyone know that we do know that those

you know the government is telling us to kill them but we know they're from China and we know that they're telling us to kill them because they probably are some type of recording device or spy. It's not a regular bug. You're starting to worry about your roof. Yeah. There's no way that they told us to kill them because they're eating the plants. I think they're

bad. They're a pest. I think they're not indigenous. So sometimes when you like you know. But I think that they have recording devices. Okay. Well, that's too. The government is watching you. Yeah. You know what's funny is they're so beautiful you don't want to kill them. I don't want to kill them at all. They're so pretty to look at. Jared Waters.

Jared and Samantha. Jewish guys, so tell me why. Walked into one. You can't do it. Carson Ogle. Then we got Debo's booster seat is for the table. Put them on the list. On the list.

Here we go. Ed? Ed. Sorry. Jesse the Sensei. New World Orphan. Chicken finger. Like that.

Yeah. Yanni Franks and post hominous beans. Post-hominous beans? Post-hominus bean, sorry. Yeah. Does I mean dead beans? Guess. Yanni Frankson, post-hominus beans?

Mohamed Lowe, the Eastern Hemimuzzi. Harriet Tubman, the original night mover. Kevin. Mariel Tesheng. Cameron Hostetl. Grasty Nol. Pakistani mom, Indian dad. Matthew.

Flynn, Sam, Eduardo Alman, I sling trash for NYC so I can tolerate the fumes. Okay? Yeah, I mean, you know, he built up a tolerance. Yeah. Andrew M. Squint your eyes and say, I hot.

Got you. Lot of 14. Got you. Okay. All right. Walked into one. Yeah. Chris's Leroy Free Zillow listings.

Way song sheet. That? Hunter Biden's crank pipe. R. A. Okay. Adopting Palestinian child can be hard, but Oh, God. Jesus Christ. Grayson, Andrew, back in black, melted six, Chapadones, Alissa. Why does Joe Rogan look like he's hiding

the nuclear codes between his butt cheeks every time someone makes a joke on his show? Chicken figure. Okay. Yeah. Then we got Horn Pub. Hashtag screwed in. Pornhub. Half Ding Ding.

Half Ling Ling. Call me Ding Xiaoping. Okay. Rob C. Peter. Oh, 100 and what? Why does racism make people very creative?

It's probably, it's been for the beginning of time. Duck sauce was a banger. Nothing but a G ding. Nothing but a what? Nothing but. a G-ding G-ding. Wepa in the morning

cured my anxiety. A.O.C.'s Tits make my piece spit. Yeah. I'm going to put that on the list. All right. Make my peece spit is very funny. Yeah.

Malk. My ex used to give me three throat pies a day. I miss her. Drexler. Drexler. J. Pys.

Charles Adams apple. Tarel Torres. Gluyx. gooey seed spray for Sarah Silverman with consent. Kettle black ding detector, Will Rodriguez, Brian Rieger, Native American Jew, aka Dances with Frisbees. Kferred, butt sexer, Julian Schnut. It's bath time and I'm a hungry, hungry hippo.

Robot with human hair. That's a good one. It's an inside one. It's bath time and I'm a hungry, hungry hippo. If you know the show, you can put it under, I'm going to give it a direct son. That's how Yanni would go down on high school girlfriends. J. C. Chavez. Okay.

J.C. Chavez from instinct. Yeah. Yeah. It could be the real him. Brandon Bassford, Timothy Malley, Jalen Howell, Clem Turner, Diddy Man, The Dark Dick Rises, Christopher Nista, Tolga Uner, Bean Monkey Alex, Frisbee Sweeney. Frisbee Swiny? Frisbee Swinney. Frisbee. Sweeney's kind of funny. Ben A. Babcock. Michael Murphy, Bryce Austin. Oliver Fortier, Paul Lavoro, Eric Sinclair. call AAA because I got stuck in Chrissy's glue trap on the Bell Parkway. Genghis Conorrhea still burns when I pee you. Put them on the list.

Yep, Genghis Conneria. Genghis Conorina. Yeah. Yeah. Uncle prostate checker. Yeah. List it. Okay.

Back to back list. You got to keep listening. If you got to molester uncle and you refer to him that way, you deserve to be on the list. Pissing out fire. Call me Dick Flair. Chicken finger I had to paint it but I have a brownie in my pants

Okay What did the frisbee do to the oven Walked into one Ladd of 14 I mean I mean Creativity I think you have to do it

I mean For the creativity Can I put it? I mean that was if you're good Yeah you go to my house That was It's not to be that level. God, it's got to be that fucking level. Yeah. Yeah. I knew I was the backbone of my CYO team when

coach boned me in the back of the gym. Okay. Joel the Cabbage Patch. John Carpenter's the ding. Matthew Vall, Steve Helm, white trash slut monkey sponsored by Fumar U Garbage. Okay. Fumar U Garbage is funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Drexter. Call me Wimpy Willie because I couldn't get hard in front of my mom. Ladder 14 Drex, sir, I guess Peggin Bussie since 94 Graham Little John Which came first, the chicken

Or the inward fucking it Okay Chad might not be straight Cause Yanni's in eight Applegate Okay Jonathan Stump The woman version of Nick from Uruguay

But still I have a cock There you go You made the list You want to put them on No, no, no No, no Jay Sweets Glue stain on the

Bell Parkway asphalt DK The Faganacci squeak That's, wait Yeah Glue stain on the Bell Parkway asphalt That means he

He took, put his dick out the window And he jerked He shot it out Out the window I'm going to direct sir Drexster Yeah

Nachi squeak wince Way song she ain't Bad, but it's funny. Sookin's, squeak went. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cordyceps, Jack Timmerman, Justin Fox, Magnus, Brian A, and then we got Colmy Kennedy the way I like to F with my John. He likes to, yeah, I like that.

That's a chicken. You think that's enough, or do you want to read a few more names? Okay, so here we go. So now, so it's, again, started off slow, but then we come back with a vengeance. Okay, so here we go. All right, here's the list. Now fumes can't leave. Now you just can't leave.

We're going to chicken finger that. Hey, chicken finger. Divo's booster seat is for the table. We're going to Drex for that. Drexel that. Any other day. Any other day, but good job. AOC's tits make my pee spit.

I like it. I'm keeping around for a little bit. Okay. Yeah. So we're keeping that. Then we got Genghis Conorrhea still burns when I pee a contender. Uncle prostate checker? Contender.

What did the Frisbee do to the oven? walked into one? We may keep that around. That might be the only walked in one that may win. We're going to keep it around. And then last but not least, squeak wins. It's another good one.

Okay. Got to make some decisions here. Yeah, we've got to make some decisions here. This one we're going to have to do a room vote. AOC tits make my peevee spit. Jesse likes that one because it's funny. Sweak wins? Can we do that one with the word?

F-A-G in there. I mean, yeah, it's Patreon. It's Patreon, right. Yeah. Jesse's not big on that now? No? No? All right. How about Nick? I would Drexle that. Nick, Drexle that? Nick, Drexler that? Yeah. Gangus Conneria still burns when I pee-ah? Yeah, we're keeping that around. Keeping that around. Uncle prostate checker? I love that one. Me too. Yeah, yeah. Simple. That's a chicken finger.

What did the Frisbee do to the oven, walked into one? If we, we will have a walked-into-em award? right we can't post them but at the end of the year we will honor you yeah yeah so that is the most creative walk into one i've ever he turned it into uh i mean right it's just perfect yeah yeah so but but we're going to have to direct so you for more reasons for more reasons so then it is between aOC tits make my pee spit gangis conorrhea still burns when i pia or uncle prostate checker uncle prostate checker sounds like a band yeah which one do you like i would probably go with um uncle prostate checker just because it's it's simple but to be honest with

you if it was totally up to me i would have went with what did the frisbee do to the oven walked in a one so should we can we list that i don't know i think we can you think we can it is the winner it is the clear yeah it's the best one which is what we're going for here is what's who's the winner but you know what we're doing by this what you know what we're encouraging this behavior. Well, what we're encouraging is creativity. It's creativity because, yes, it's offensive for sure, but they were so

they kind of, it's one of those things where it's like they, it's brilliant. They called themselves and walked into one. Yeah. And they did it all, like they understood. Like, they said something awful and then left the room. Yeah. It's like, it's a brilliant joke. It is. So what we're going to do is we're going to break our rules because

like the ancient Greek said, there's no rule without an exception. Yeah. You are the exception to the rule. You are our first walked into one, winner. You're the PPW, walked into one. Usually the walked into one means you're disqualified from the contest, even though we acknowledge your creativity. You broke the system.

You cracked the matrix. You cracked the matrix. You are the PPW, the pseudo penis of the week. What did the Frisbee do to the oven? Walked into one. Congratulations. You can see your name up in lights at history hyenaspod.com or history hyenasis back.com. Thank you so much.

Tell your friends about us. Like and subscribe to the. YouTube, join the Patreon, and we thank you. Have a blessed evening.