History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Jewish in the South w/ David Cross | History Hyenas

Episode Date: April 16, 2026

The Hyenas are back and this week they’re joined by legendary comedian David Cross for an absolute banger. The boys dive into David’s experience growing up Jewish in the South, the misery of small talk, thoughts on the Mayor of New York, and yes…why Jason went to space (it makes sense in a Hyena kind of way). It’s smart, wild, and exactly the kind of unfiltered comedy you need. Check out David Cross’s brand new stand-up special here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfqMkJwVgmo #HistoryHyenas #DavidCross #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #NYC #PodcastLife Support our sponsors: Use Discount Code “HYENAS” to claim your FREE JumpStart Trial Bag at https://RuffGreens.com Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to https://quo.com/HYENAS. Get bugs out of your house with Pestie. Go to https://pestie.com/HYENAS for 10% off your order. #comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://store.historyhyenaspod.com Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, guys, we've got a great episode coming at you. We have the comedy legend, David Cross. He laughed so hard as hat falls off. If you want to see me, I'll be in New York City Thursday, April 30th, 6 p.m. and 8.30 p.m. New York, more dates coming. Yeah, see me in Boston this weekend, then West Nyack, New York, the weekend after that. Then, Emmais, Pennsylvania, May 2nd. Patreon.com slash history hyenas.

Join the matriarchy. Get the episodes. Add free. Uncensored. A day early. Extra bonus episodes every week. Another episode of History Hyenas. And it only costs you five beans.

And if you got a little scratch, it'll cost you 10. And if you're a real sneaky goo, you can go for 25. Enjoy David Cross, the bug. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Krista Stefano, aka Chrissy Cholesterol. With me, as always, Janis Pappas, aka Yanni Fagi Yogurt. and we have with us today a very, very special guest,

a legend in the comedy game. We have him sitting to our immediate left because we've kept it kosher for our Jewish brother, David Cross. Oh, what's my AKA? Oh, David, David, David Cross, aka doesn't believe in Jesus. Okay. A.K. doesn't really trip off the tongue. Okay.

David Cross, David Cross, aka David Cross, David Cross, what could we do for him? Jesus Doubtor? Yes, David, David Cross, aka Davey the Jew. Okay, well, that's... I guess in a different era, that would mean something... But in a friendly way, you know what I mean? That's how they get you.

Yes. It's in a friendly way. That's how it starts. Not like in a nasty way. You know what I mean? In an I'm excited way. You know, it's funny in a historical, when you look back at history and you look back at the Nazis, because he's German, right?

Yes. None of the high leadership None of the high leadership looked like you. No. It was never a guy like you, like if it was a handsome guy like you with blonde hair who was six one talking, I might be like, you know what? Yeah, you look at the leaders.

You had Hitler, ugly, goring fat fuck. Yeah. Himmler, ugly. Isn't that funny? Gerbils ugly. There were no hotties. And two of them look like Stephen Miller. Yes.

Like exactly. Like you look at that and go, oh, wow, that's a good point. And what was the other guy at the? Hydrick? No, the Nuremberg trials was... Well, the Guring was the big, big guy. Himmla killed himself. I'm just taking a guess.

Was the Zimler there? Yeah. Zimler? Well, Herman Gurring, and then who else was... Oh, yeah, the other guy. Hendler. Himmler. Himmler.

Himmler. Himler. Hyndrik Himla. Himla. Yeah. Gerbles, yeah. But Himler wasn't at the other. Noramberg. Gurring was the big fish.

Goeberts? Bormann. Spier. Albert Speer, of course. Of course. How could we forget? The legend. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. What a wild time that was. What's wild, too? These boys had a bad party. They had a bad party. Have you all been to Germany? Yes.

Yeah, we went to Munich together, We honest and I. And then we went to Dachau. Concentration camp visit. It was wild. It was wild for us to notice is like, you know, we're comedians or whatever. I was down to like mess around. But at the concentration camp, we were like, you know, being pretty serious and respectful.

And then there were people there just like Snapchat filtering. They had a QR code on one of like the old gas chambers. I was like, what the hell you do? Yeah. They should take your phone. Like they should take it back. Yeah. Yeah.

And the, I found the gift shop very distasteful. Yes. The little stress balls they. Yeah. I love that. It's not time or the place, guys. Yeah. Not right.

It should be a somber. It should really be somber. It shouldn't be. It should be a somber gift shop, you know? Yeah. Yeah, just like just some, I don't know, mock Zyclon B. Yes. Like pillows, like things like that.

They were selling vacuum cleaners and dust busters and we didn't like that. Yes. Yeah. We didn't like that. Well, they got upkeep, you know, they got expenses. And gold coins. I didn't, the gold coins. I didn't love that.

I didn't love that. I mean, I bought a few, obviously, I have children. I mean, it's an investment. Yes, it's an investment. Yes. Sure. Yeah. You could get one of those Udn stars.

Yeah. That's good for the kids. Yeah, those are good. But they were made out of maple sugar. That was huge. I don't, again, it's just distasteful. Yeah, yeah. And then remember, my daughter was she had just started talking then.

And then unfortunately, her first word, people always, what's the first word? Her first word was Juden. and that was just because we had just taken that trip. But she did it while pointing. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Man, this went, this went, this veered off. Yes.

Immediately. Yeah, I mean, we just said kosher and then we went down the deep down the well. We'll get it. Well, you know how it is in podcasting now. We just really need 90 seconds of a clip. So the rest of this is irrelevant. Yep, I'm good. Do you like podcast?

Do you feel like it's a way for comedians to just show their talents without having any executives or, you know, infrastructure in the way? No. I mean, as far as talent, no. I mean, there are people that are naturally funny conversationally that aren't stand-ups, but stand-up is a completely different, completely different skill set. Yeah, right. That is true. Yeah, I think with podcasting now for us, like our generation is like, you know, we think like, oh, this is where we'll like, we'll get our ideas out where it used to be like stand up at night is where you get your ideas out. But you realize you could say something that's really funny on a podcast and you bring it to stage and it bombs immediately. It's a whole totally different thing. Totally different thing. And it's, you know, there's less. And it's also people having a conversation talking over each other. So not one person up there going, you know, using cadence and delivery and all that. Janice, you're one of his favorite comedians.

Your special in 99, was it? Was your inspiration to start stand-up, you told me? I'll be honest, yeah. I think 99, there was like, I had just come out of college and there was like, you know, two specials was George Carlin's at that time, I think it was called You're All Diseased. And then, which was, I thought, like, one of his best. And then yours on HBO at that time, what was it called?

is back? The pride is back. I mean, that was an incredible hour. And it inspired me in comedy. And it also made me an organ donor. I don't know if it was that special, but you had a joke of, you had an organ donor, a donor joke that was so funny. But it also made me go like, yeah. Oh, the thing about the necrophilia? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You were like, yeah, I don't care what you do with my body. You get a whole circle jerk around me, because I'm dead. Yeah, I don't know if I said that. I think you did. I think that's where I draw the line. No, I think you did.

Okay. I think you did. Maybe that was to ease into the necrophilia. I think you'd ease it in there. You didn't start necrophilia. Right. That's the good thing. Brought them along, took their hand, held their hand.

You let them trust you first. Yeah. And what was good about that is you became an organ donor and then started stand-up comedy and then immediately got shot as soon as you started comedy. That's true. He immediately, his man was shot in the leg. Yeah. What?

Really? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. What happened? Because of a bad set? Yeah. Because of the pride is back.

He got shot. Wait, what happened? Totally unrelated. But it was when I started comedy, yeah. It was two years later, 2000, 2001, right? Jesse, 2001, yeah. Got shot. So tell me the circumstance.

It was an attempted robbery. A friend of mine was a club promoter, and he would carry cash out. And it was like an attempted robbery on him. And I was there. And I got shot point blank range. Jesus. In the butt, right?

In the leg, it traveled to the butt. But it traveled to the butt. Do you feel, because I've never been shot, but do you, have you ever told? Wait, so the bullet went up? The bullet went from inner thigh, up into the butt cheek. But where was the guy shooting from? The ground? No, he was in the car, and I pushed his arm down and he fired.

I was in a car. I was in a Jeep Cherokee trying to close the door, yeah. Oh, yeah, and he just, yeah, pumped it. Where was this? Yeah, this was in Soho on Hudson and Veritas. at this old club called Envy. Oh, and it was a little sketchier back then, too. Yeah.

Well, no, Soho wasn't, but that club was. But that Varick was, you know, a little bit still kind of industrial-ish? No, no. Then it was like, it was a pretty good area. It wasn't like it is today. It was more, yeah, a little more industrialist, but not bad. Did you call the cops right away or what happened? The cops were already there because the night club on that night.

My friend was a promoter that night. that night was a constant problem. Something else happened at that club. There was like some promising director or something. This is a horrible story. So this was a really like gangster comedy night. I mean club night. It was either a Tuesday or Wednesday.

And my friend was one of the promoters. And I worked there. I just started doing comedy. I was doing the door or whatever. So the cops were always there just because the neighborhood, you know, was so host. They were complaining so much about, you know, they were always there. On another night, you remember this story, Jesse?

It was like crazy. This young director, he was just getting his start. He was like getting really big. Some, you know, drug dealer or whatever, criminal shot another guy outside that club while he was in his car. And the guy started driving like while he was shot and he got plugged like six times wherever. And he's driving. And then he dies at the wheel. And he just hits this director who was walking at like two in the morning by himself and killed.

Damn. Yeah. So it was completely random. Yeah. So it was like, you know, the community board definitely wanted to shut that night down. Yeah. Yeah, but you still have to bullet in your leg? No, they took it out. Damn. They took it out. Did I ever tell you the story when they took it out? True story. They took it out. They put you in the stirrups because as I was to remove it from here. And as I was coming to, I farted right in the face of the surgeon and the nurse. Because you just... I didn't know where I was. I just farted. Oh, you had passed out after they shot? No, no. They put me under. No. For the surgery. Oh, okay. Because you were in 100 places, but not this one.

Yeah, I thought. Now, how come you couldn't just fart the bullet out? Did anybody approach you with that? No, nobody ever said like you'd ever try to put some wind behind in some real, yeah, no. Yeah, that is a good point. Now, luckily it didn't hit any organs. That was the thing. A major artery runs down the leg.

And when I got to the hospital, there was a female doctor who was putting her finger in my ass to, like, check. Yeah. And push the bullet. Right. Try to see where it was. if it'd done damage, I don't know. Now, David, you've really screwed me over. You don't even realize because a few days ago on Caleb Simpson show, the house sky show,

you gave a tour of your home and very funny tour. And the problem is I showed my wife. He goes like, look at how funny this bit is because you know, you're sleeping in the crate downstairs or whatever and not understand. I mean, I knew the home was beautiful, but not understanding that a woman is going to look at that. and look at the decor from the coffered ceilings

to the stained glass windows to the beautiful kitchen to how gorgeous your home is and now what's happened to me is she's been asking me like how much money do we have what have we saved? All of that stuff that you just cited

was stolen. Was stolen? Okay so that's good if she's going to listen to this tell her because she has now has I have a contractor come to my home. I had my wife steal it

so that's on her. She wants to decorate. Yeah, she could steal it. Go steal it. steal the stuff. Okay. I'm not paying for it. Yeah, because... That's what you say to her. That's what I'll say to her. Yeah, because... You're a white Christian nationalist. 100%. Yes.

Yes. And she's Latina. So I can go into this, you know? Yeah. I can do the... There's a million things I can do with her. You can do. So, you know, but it is like there's a contractor as I was leaving today saying, oh, I've... David Cross is coming on to my wife and she was like,

oh, she was like, Jonathan, the contractor's actually coming over today at noon. I'm coming on your wife. What are you talking about? Right. No, I said David Cross is coming on the show. I meant to say the show. What did I say? You said David Cross is coming on my wife. Oh, I meant to say David Cross is coming on. David Cross is coming on, period. So far, you've come on his wife and you come on a bunch of dead bodies in the first couple of minutes. Which all are okay. I didn't come on the dead bodies. In the joke, proverbially. The people were coming onto a dead body. Yeah. No, but you said in the joke,

that I liked, you said, I don't care of a bunch of necrophil. Oh, you weren't. They were coming on you. They're coming on me. You were more Jim Norton in this scenario. But she has... Sorry, I had to... Nice. You were more receiving. Yeah, that one knocked David's hat off.

I love Jim. Now, I got offended by this just because I'm such a dog lover. I started to wonder, do you let... Is your dog sleeping in a crate in the fucking basement? No. I mean, that was... Look at that dog. Yeah, she's a pain in the ass. So you put her in the basement, don't you?

So that crate was, you know, almost like a infant that's been bitten by a radioactive human adult. This dog grew, outgrew crates within seven weeks. When we got her, she was the size of her head now. Right. And that crate, we had a bigger one. And that she outcrued. I mean, it's, we, it was, it was, it. What kind of dog is it?

Burn a doodle. So Bernie's Mountain Dog mixed with a poodle because it is hypoallergenic and my wife. That's a good white neighborhood dog. Anything mixed with a doodle. Right. It's a popular. Yeah. That's what we want.

And the hypoallergenic is good. I have a Siberian Husky, so I have the exact opposite of hypologenic. I have, I have an allergy, I have a disease. I had a dog that I've talked about in standup had to put her down and uh did you do it or did the vet do it um I did it I just got a pillow right and did you know the classic sure yeah hold them down version yeah and then and just you know not knowing if I had completed the task I just uh beat her with a bowling car right you know just to make sure and then uh and then, you know, carved up the body and sent it to Ohio. Right? Yeah. As you do?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Felt a little stress relieved after now. Yeah. But my prior dog I had before I met my wife, and she was allergic to that. That was a rescue dog and shed a lot. So we, in order to get another dog, my wife insisted it's got to be hypo-out.

Hippagia. Hippolygia. Otherwise, I would never get a burnadoodle just because I don't like saying that word. I don't like saying it. Burn a doodle. Yeah. It seems emasculating. They don't do well in the spring and fall in summer, right?

It's more winter dog. Summer, oh yeah, for she loves snow. She loves the winter. But yeah, we have to cut her down or, you know, shave her basically. Because in that video, 80% of that is hair. Right. She's big. big. She's got a big skeleton, but she's not, like, beefy.

Right. And a lot of that is hair. Do you take her to the dog parks there? Yeah, twice a day. Do you see, are there still a lot of pipples out there in Brooklyn? I haven't been in a while, but I used to see David at the dog park. Oh, you did? Really? Yeah, yeah. He didn't look like he was interested in Smalltalk at all. No. Absolutely not. Yeah. And, you know, for somebody who really hates Smalltalk, I am a glut for punishment with that dog and my daughter. Just, yeah. You don't want to talk to your daughter?

I don't want to talk to your daughter. I don't want to talk to my dog. That's why I got the dog. Right. So the dog can talk to her. She can talk to the dog. Enough. How old is your daughter?

Nine. Nine. Wow, you're 62-year-old guy. You had a baby late? Very late, yeah. Wow, good. And that's your first child? Yeah, first and I assume only.

Wow. Yeah, we have daughters, too. You could have another one if you wanted, though. 100%. Yeah. No, I'm a man. Yeah. They could do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, look at Al Pacino. Look at Musk. Look at Musk. Look at that. Yeah. Look at, we've said this before in the pod, but I think just two years ago, the last descendant whose father fought in the civil war, that guy just died, like two or three years ago, because he died at 98, the guy whose father fought in the civil war. And then his father fought in the civil war when his father was 15 years old, but he only had him.

him when he was 91. 91? He was 91 years old in the 1800s and had this kid. You just have to have someone to hold it for you. I mean, spotter. Apparently anybody was living than 91. He had it. Theo Vaughn's father had him when he was like 84.

Yeah. Or something like that. Yeah. It can happen. You can still pump it out. You got to keep it. Like people who get themselves like neutered, what's that called? Vesectomy.

Yeah. They get a vasectomy. It's like, you know, I don't understand it. Like if you're in a relationship, you need. need to just you don't have to use it but it's like a card you want against your wife you want her to always know I've got an and also I've got an envelope of cum in the freezer yeah and it's good too as a threat is this yeah it's not even it's just like a reminder it's a reminder yeah you know I've got an envelope of coming thing yeah I have it yeah does she ever go what

for like um and yes and I just like you know coffee just yeah so whatever sure just that's what I'll say. So did you, did you, was it plan to have the kid at 53? Were you like, let's do it? Uh, yes. I, uh, we, she got pregnant. An envelope of cum. That should be the name envelope of cum with David Cross. I like the delayed reaction. Yeah. Well, I was just thinking, like, you know, there's envelope, like, I don't know why it's funny. Envelope is a funny, it's just funny. It's just a holder. It's an envelope. It's a very, very, it's a very, very, Very funny. JAR of come, we heard.

Cup of Come. Yeah, I've never heard an envelope. I'm a professional. Envelope of Come is the... You know, you send someone in an envelope of anthrax or... Right. Oh, look who decided to show up. Our producer, Nick, on the day that...

The most excited to meet you. Yeah, probably one of your biggest fans and then you show up an hour and a half late. Yeah. You envelope of come. What happened? Was there like a Chilean parade we didn't know about? Oh, did we not tell... Oh, we didn't tell him that we started at 11.

Oh. Even if it wasn't 1130, it's 1139. Yeah. All right. You're right. I can't stay mad at you. You just missed an envelope of come. Yeah, you just missed a good joke. That's all right.

Yeah, get out your book. This is Nick. Hey, Nick. He's a good man. He's a good man. You have a big age gap with your wife. So do I. I got a little bit of an age gap.

It's nice, right? You kind of, you get married to a girl and then also can use her as a nurse later, which is good. In a way, I... That's what I think. I, you know, you joke, but my wife's parents have an age gap. Not as severe as we do, but like a, I think it's like 14 years, I want to say, something like that. That's what I got. 13, 14, and that's what's happening now.

With them. Yeah. So she's prepared. Oh, yeah. I mean, we, you know, it's a very strange situation to be in where you're kind of waiting for the call, you know. Yeah. And not, you know, excitedly. But just it's a, it's a thing that we both go through and have for years where, you know, if her mother-in-law, you know, calls, their name comes up, it's, it's a, it's a thing that.

you know, you don't go, oh God, no, is this it? But it's just a thing in the back of your head. I've been there. And it's, yeah. What you're saying is she's on the runway. She's close. She's close to take it. The plane's on the runway.

The plane's on the runway. No, no, no, I'm talking about my father. Oh, the father's planes on the runway. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you mean the call from the mother and law saying yes, yes. The plane's taken off. No, I would not expect my mother-in-law to call me as she was dying.

I think that would be weird and I'm not going to, I don't want to expect that. I messed that up. I think that's asking a bit much. Yeah, you're right. I mean, if nothing else, she should call her daughter first, not her son-in-law. Well, what I've started doing to prepare my wife is I just started wearing diapers around the house. Right. Just to let her know what it's going to do.

So she can practice a little bit. So I recommend. Right. Just get her ready and just feel like, baby, I did it. And then just see, she changes it. Yeah. She gets used to what it's going to be like. Get a nurse.

Yeah. I don't want her, I don't want it to, like, hit her like a cold bucket of water. I want her to be eased into changing my diapers and, cleaning my shit out of my asshole. I think that's just going to happen naturally. There's always going to be a first time, whether you move that up by saying, hey, I'm going to get you used to it.

Right. It's still going to be a little disconcerting the first couple times. So why not just move that, say, 30 years down the line? But are you a little paranoid, like when you start getting like that she'll leave? Because she'll still be like hot. And you'll like, so I just want to test her.

That's why I do it. I want to see what kind of, you know, are you willing? You got to be really. I get irritable. I'll say, like, racist things and like at an old hole from me. You got to be really. Just to see if she, she raises. I want to see what kind of, if she's going to abuse me.

There's not a woman in this world that would leave David Cross. What are you nuts? What are you crazy? Of course you will. Well, I mean, if I'm, if I'm sitting myself, that's a reason to stay for some. Depends like, back to Jim Norton. That is true. That is true.

Jim, that's when Jim would start DMing you. I just happened to be in your neighborhood. Yeah. What are you doing? Can I pop in? Cause, yeah. You've been looking cute. You've been looking tan.

You've been looking in shape. I got my hair combed to the other side. And do you know what I combed my hair with today? A little rough greens. You did? I did even know that it says even, you usually. Even though it's a supplement, I put it in my hair. Why the heck not?

Because it's dog food. Yeah, well, it's dog supplement. I've combed my hair with dog food. Because they sent me a pack. Let me tell you something. They gave me little treats, too, that I gave to my dog. And then all you got to do is sprinkle a little bit of it. It's very easy.

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going from here to tape the Sherry, Sherry or Sherry, Shepard show. Sherry Shepard. Sherry or Sherry? Sherry. Shetty. Sheepard. So I'm doing her show, and then I go from there to the airport, and I go to Austin. And it'll be in Austin for two days, and then I come home Thursday.

Wow. I like that quick and easy. Oh, yeah. Three days. But this is really the winding up of the press. I've been doing a lot of press, and I'm, I'm going to. really psyched that. I mean, I went to L.A., came back here, and then they're like, oh, you got to go back three days later. I was back on a plane to L.A. for another four days. Came back, went to

somewhere. Then I went to Atlanta, but that was kind of for family stuff. And then I got back Saturday, because I had a show, and then now I'm leaving again. That's it. But that's it. But this is the last kind of have you taken in your career like any real time

off the road where you're like I haven't been on the road or been on a plane in two years type thing?

That no no I'd like to and when I do um you get to a point especially touring you're like

I cannot get on a mother I cannot get on another plane go to another fucking regional airport at 720 a.m. to catch a flight

to another regional airport so I can make a connection so I can get to Houston and, you know, that is just the worst part of this job. We hate it. We hate it. Yeah. I, you know, I've small daughters too, and I was like, I want to stay off the road for a year. I'm going to do it. I'm just going to do the pod. And then it lasted about three months. And I'm like, I have to probably go back on the road just because financially there's, it's the, it's the thing that makes the most money for the least amount of time. Same here. So, I mean, that is, uh, uh, uh, the last, uh, uh, the last, uh,

Man, last, I want to say five movies I've done have been, like, indie, you know, paying very little. I did them because they're fun or it, you know, was an interesting character or something like that. But, like, I got to go, you know, to make real money. I got to go on the road. Well, yeah, that's like, Janice and I were talking about this on the way. And it's like, sometimes, like, my mom will be like, how come you don't try out for more movies, honey? It's like because I would lose, because I have a home and a family, and I would lose, I can't go away for three months and do that. I don't, I wouldn't command enough of a salary for the movie.

So I have to go on the road or do the podcast. This is where I make the money, especially when my wife's looking at your house. Again, steal. She's welcome to steal from me. She will do that. Okay. Yeah. She will do.

She has multiple family. When we're done here, I'll give you my address and the alarm code. We already know where it is. Okay. We were able to figure it out from the video. Okay. And the alarm code? We know it.

1776. Yep, that's it. The specials called The End of the Beginning of the End. That's cool. Which is out now on YouTube. Yeah, you always got fun names. What was the other?

The one was like a curse. It was like, fuck. What was the other one? Shut up, you fucking baby. Shut up, you fucking baby. Yeah, that was a good one. You had bigger and blacker. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, great names. A bunch of legendary special. So this one's YouTube. Yeah. Yeah. The last three, I think, are YouTube. Do you like it better? Like this?

What do you think of it? Yeah, it's not quite as financially lucrative, but you have total control. And, you know, I will make my money back eventually. And I pay for the production. Sure. Or I'll co-produce it. But, you know, it's the last kind of big. budgeted special and all that was for Netflix.

And I got paid a nice chunk of money, but also the production was just not necessary. And it doesn't, it's, you don't need a million dollars to shoot a fucking guy on a stage. No. You just don't. You don't need jibs. You don't need cranes, you know.

So this last special, last couple actually, um, were at music venues. and when I started touring outside of like club circuit and stuff when I was like headlining I would go out and I would have a I'd go out with a band and the band would open for me and we'd play music venues and standing

no sitting and then the band would play and then no break I'd come out and just do the show and that's what shut up you fucking baby was it was recorded on that first tour that they did and I kept doing it like that and then then kind of transitioned in the theaters and there's nothing wrong with the theater show at all they're they're fun they're definitely

more lucrative but it's there's it's just a different thing when everybody's standing right there you have a different connection with the audience it feels more unique each show and there's a little bit more of who knows what's going to happen kind of thing where everybody's right there in front of you standing up and uh um and so that yeah that's that's we did that on on this on this tour we it was at the 40 watt in athens no a i was 40 watt yeah i was looking at thought it said 40 wart no it's watt 40 watt club now the a i overview content uh cross tackles modern issues and as he's gotten older has become more uh conservative and hails trump and all of his policies I'm looking at this thing going, where is that?

Iran war was a good idea to contain Islam. Radical Islam is a real problem. Immigration, we have to disappear the border. Pam Bondi's not all bad, mostly good. Well, my group chats like, yo, I fucking like David Cruz. I'm listening to this guy. This is like a new direction for you here. Yeah.

Yeah, you know, ever since I had a kid, you know, I've changed. changed. My eyes have been opened and, you know, I want her to grow up in the way I did in the, in the, in the, like, urban, I mean, sorry, suburban rural Georgia. And, and I want her to be suspicious of people that don't look like her. I want her to have a terrible education. like Georgia public schools back in the 70s, you know, and not know things. I wanted to be, I wanted to have an incomplete idea of civics, how that works. And I wanted to be spiteful and, you know, I just think it's a good way to live. It's smart. So we're, yeah, we're moving. You don't have a lot of anxiety that way, which is good.

Yeah, and everything is, you're just happy all the time. Like when I meet people like that, they're just happy, which isn't bad. No, it's not bad. It is good. They're so happy. Ignorant. It's bliss. Yeah.

But that's what you say. You said the Georgia public school system is horrible, which proves that privatizing education is the way to go. Yes. I can't wait to see the special. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a big, you know, coupon, uh, charter school coupon. Yes.

They take money from the public school and give it to people who are, feel similarly as I do, that they want their children to be scared and, and not just suspicious of people. Like, you know, what do they make? And to make generalization. Yeah. Well, you see, it's funny because we grow up different. Like, we all grew up in New York City. And being suspicious of people is just kind of what you had to do.

Right. Do you want your kids to be suspicious? my kids to be walk up to someone and say hey why do you have a towel on your head lady yeah right something like that yeah did you just get out of the shower what's going on yeah is this a commercial hey what do you have a frisbee on your head sir what's going on what is that about my mom and dad look like yeah why does it smell weird in here yeah what does it smell weird that's the best weird not bad or it's weird weird yeah like growing up as a uh Jewish person

in suburban rural Georgia not like downtown Atlanta well there it's not rural it's a rural rural um well you know I there was uh they didn't even know you were Jewish probably right you wore a hide the horns oh they know they because their parents told them right their parents there's a Jew down there yeah yeah I had one guy um and there was just I'll get back to that in a second but a very low level, like I never got majorly harassed, but it was like a consistent, outside of a handful of things, and I mean literally like four or five. It was just, you know, you were made to know that you were different.

And it was mostly kids by far citing their parents, you know. And not, again, not like outside of a handful of things, not really like hateful, awful shit. But like I never got beat up for, you know, oh, I got hit. All right, I'll tell that in a second. But, and there was one guy who was just like a delinquent. If I wasn't Jewish, he still would have found something else. But he threw pennies at me, you know. It's like, he did.

He threw pennies at me. and my sister. It's awful, but it is, you know, so... Relatively. I apologize. Dude, I made 27 cents. Yeah. You invest that and that was in the 70s?

That's thousands of dollars in the stock. I bought, oh, I bought Nazi gold. That's what it is in the gift shop. And, uh, but it was just this kind of low level, uh, you know, you're weird or, and, and things, like, I've done bits about it, like, um, like so many. I just some picture of throwing pennies and him just being able to... Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're really good with that money, man.

That's what I get for throwing money at a Jew. Yeah. Of course, they must teach him that. In Jew school. Hey, man, y'all. So what do y'all, y'all go do you school or what? What do y'all call, what do you call y'all's churches? Like, Jew school?

That's another working title, Jew School with David Cross. I did a old bit, but I had so many friends. And again, the kids were fine, you know, for the most part. It was just the parents that were fucked up. And then I had, like, if I ever, like, slept over to friends or would be there for dinner, you'd get these crazy, like, just trying to be nice. But I'm so sorry. Did y'all's people eat oatmeal?

Because we eat oatmeal. That's like a whole bit. Yeah, I remember that I was about to say. Yeah, I remember y'all's people eat oatmeal. But it was that kind of like thing. Again, not there were, you know, it was, it was more like you're an outsider, you're different, you're not one of us, than like really mean-spirited things. Because you know you know that I tell you you're my bestie, but I also want to tell you you're my Pestie.

Ooh, what are we talking about today? Because Pasty when, look, here's the thing with Pesty, okay? Yeah. Bugs are coming out of nowhere. Bugs. Bugs? Because there's bugs everywhere in certain neighborhoods in Brooklyn that weren't there before. There's bugs everywhere.

Now you've got bugs. You got so many bugs in Bensonhurst and you got bugs everywhere. David Cross voted for a bug. It's so the only thing I don't like bugs with no papers The only thing that to neutralize bugs Is a little thing called Pesty It gets rid of over 100

Types of Bugs From spiders and ants to rogish scorpis Just think of it It's like ice for bugs Yeah Yeah Pesty and it's kid and pet friendly Yeah

The pesticides they ship are fully registered And have been used in hospitals And schools all over the country Pesty all over the country Pesty all is a 100% bug free guarantee or your money back if the bugs don't go away these fucking bugs are everywhere yeah get bugs out of your house with Pestey go to pesti go to pesty.com slash hyenas for an extra 10% off your order that's P-E-S-T-I-E dot com slash hyenas for an extra 10%

off but I did have one guy there's a guy named Stan short and his nickname was Moose because he was a big blonde guy like in the Archie Comics, and he told, this would have been fourth, fifth grade maybe. He said, hey, my dad said I should either beat you up or hit you or something and tell you you're a dirty Jew. His heart was not in it, clearly. And he's just telling me this. And it's that kind of thing in school.

you're like, you spend the rest of the day, like, in terror of what's going to happen. Right. And everybody in school knows about it. Yeah. And it was one of the worst days I've ever had. And then he, you know, whatever, 2.30 came around. And he just went up and he hit me in the side of the arm and kind of hard, but not too hard. And that was that.

And it was such a weird, like he, his dad compelled him to do it. He had to do it. I could tell he wasn't, like, we weren't friends or not friends. We were just sort of in, you know, amongst a couple hundred kids. And it was always something that stuck with me, especially because of the fear I had and the idea like, I'm going to get beat up in front of all these people just because I'm Jewish. Right. And also by then I was starting to become an atheist without really articulating it or knowing that. It was just all I was already starting to question everything. And then when I was, I want to say 17, I was working at the Tower Place Six theaters and Buckhead and Tarrant tickets and, you know, ushering or whatever. White Atlanta now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Very, well, actually, Buckhead had a whole section, like a French quarter type section with a bunch of clubs that were open to four in the morning. And then when the, and it was very mixed, right?

I mean, you had like black nightclubs, white nightclubs, but it was all mixed, right? And the section. and that during the Super Bowl that they hosted when Ray Lewis from the Ravens shot the guy. Yeah. It was French shot him. His friend shot him. But he was with him. Yeah. So they say. That was all they needed because they fucking much like the Soho neighborhood, they hated all this stuff. And it was a huge source of revenue. And Buckhead, you know, had some old, fancy, you know, moneyed families there, and it just kind of grew and grew and grew as this entertainment district, whatever. And so then that's when they rescinded the 4 a.m. drinking rule law and all that stuff.

But so I was at, I was working at that theater. And then I, we had a little box. So there's the ticket booth. and then glass doors, glass windows, and doors are open, and people, you can see them line up, get their ticket, and they walk through the glass doors to me. I'm like, you know, seven feet there

with a little ticket box and tearing tickets going, theater number two, theater number one, whatever. And I see stand short in line. I recognize them like that. Had not seen him for... Blow out, like kind of hillbilly. He looked all right. He looked, you know, similar, but older.

and I got nervous and I got like I didn't expect him to beat me up or anything but I was just like a flood of memories and bad feelings physical mental like and then I think he was coming to see porkies and then as he's coming in and I can't go anywhere it's not like cover for me you know there's no and I he walks up and he's He recognized me, big smile. He's like, hey, David Cross, how are you? Good, man. How are you? Yeah, good. Everything's good. Da, da, da, da, da.

Talk for 25 seconds, and he goes in and sees the film. I just remembered it so vividly. Like, oh, shit. Yeah. My arch nemesis. It's here. Wait, so your real name is David Cross? I thought it was a stage name.

What? Like, I thought your name was. You were expecting, like, a steam burn. Yeah. No, not necessarily that, but I didn't think your real last name was Cross because David Cross is such a perfect Christian name. Well that but it's also a perfect stage like

like David Cross, boom it works but I didn't think that was your act like my name's Chris DeStefano I should have changed it to something it's people are like what's your last name or they're like Chris Destilopolo but David Cross that's so that's an easier name Desilopolo No I'm just saying

that would be funny if that's what I changed my stage name to You ever thought about trying to be Greek for a little while? Chris Destelopoulos? Yeah. Yeah but I'm in think that your name was David Cross. Like is Chris Rock's name really Chris Rock? Yeah, that's his real name? Yeah. So some people are just destined for it because David Cross, Chris Rock, these are like... Yeah, Janus Papas is not a good one.

Yeah, that doesn't sound like you should have be doing this. No. I think you both have great names for the stage, both of them. Yeah. Yeah, I would also mix them up once in a while. Yon's Stephano, Chris Poppus. Yeah. Yeah.

But... Chris Popas. No, I would not ever think to change my name. But I'm... Well, it's a perfect name. It's an English name. It's, uh, my family is, you know, goes way, way back. That's from Leeds, huh?

My whole, I learned, I've, I got dual citizenship with the UK, and I learned through that process that my family, uh, lineage goes way back in Leeds. I did, I just assumed that, you know, Jews in Europe and they escaped the pogroms or something. I guess this would have been Pete. Anyway, like, I thought it was more recent. but it goes way back. It was way back. So there's a good chance that your family did some wild stuff.

Like old school, British, you know what I mean? Like they headed somebody. No, just it didn't treat Indians that green. No way. Yeah, because the British Empire back in the States that were not very, with class. With their pinky. And dressed very nice. Red coats.

Now, did you get your dual citizenship just in case Trump got reelected? You could go live on Ellen's compound with her? I, you know, I would reach out to Ellen. and I would do a TikTok where I danced and do what is she into horses right She's in a horse's baby blood Things like that for her skin

She's into Yeah Ellen Ellen she's into being rude to her staff Now no That's what they say Explain the baby blood And the skin thing

How does that work? It started from a rumor that Wait you're being serious Yeah no I'll tell you how it happened We can talk about it Sandra Bullock went on her show Oh God I love this stuff.

I love how people, you know, humans make, read patterns and we're not very good at it. Right. So they get, Sandra Bullock won on our show and was talking about how she gets the skin treatment. And that they're like, and Ellen's like, where does it come from? She's like, it comes from other young people that we don't know about. So they separately maybe. Wait, what? Yeah.

What does that mean? Like, they take collagen from young people or something and like inject it in your skin. Oh my God. I'm looking at the screen here. Yeah. I thought you were kidding. No. This is real.

No. And then so they just made that connection. There it is. Where's the penis facial video? That's the one. So 2018 interview with Sandra Bullock. The clip discusses a penis facial that uses cells derived from newborn foreskin. That was a joke that Alan made.

Allegedly. No, she did make the joke. So she did say that. So Sandra Bullock was like trying to explain where it comes from. And she goes like, it comes from young people we don't know about. And then Ellen just interjected and said, said that. So she did make that joke on morning TV. She said from newborn foreskin.

Right. And so while the skin treatment is real, they'll countertural. And then, of course, people, yeah, of course people went. Yeah. That's crazy. So it goes from there. But what I think people do have nailed is that celebrities in Hollywood is a little weird. I think they've nailed that.

That celebrity. It's just a weird kind of. celebrity itself. Well, yeah, and the community and the culture in Hollywood is kind of isolated and sort of... Oh, it's extremely... Yeah, and they're kind of out of touch and, like, it's a weird place. And I think a Harvey Weinstein stuff and things like that start to come out and people start to realize, like, this place is... It's a little hypocritical.

It's a little, you know, like they're... It's not a real place. Well, it is a real place, unfortunately. But you know what I mean. It's, it's, uh, I, I think that, I mean, I've witnessed it and I've been, uh, tell us about it. What's going on in the inside? Me and, me and Cat Williams. Yeah.

Now, he's not one of the not funny ones Joe Rogan has on it. That's the worst Cat Williams impression I've ever done. You do a good black guy, but you have to hold your throat when you do it. Yeah. You ever see him to do a black guy? No. Have you ever caught any heat for that? No. No.

Yeah, because it's just good. Um, I like it. I learned it from a guy in college at Emerson College who taught me. And his name was Michael Mike Drazen. Michael Drazen. Someone taught you how to do the black? He did it. And I was like, what are you doing?

And he just showed me. He shows? It's so good. So, you know, you can talk like this. And now I'm not applying any pressure to my lamp, but now I am. So it behooves you to promptificate. Oh, the seminarian. Just a guy.

And I've, yeah, go up and I'll read stuff. I just do interviews where you kind of make up words that sound like there. Now, I heard you were doing a two-man show with that character and your Chinese character. Is that what I heard? Refresh my memory about my Chinese character? The Chinese character was one where you do like a voice and it's some people love it, some people hate it. That's what I've heard What was the name of the Chinese character?

I think that Chinese character was called The Silverware fell on the floor. Noise. Yeah. Oh, I've heard that joke. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Just it's loose and you open the draw.

Yeah, and the draw? Oh, I'm from New York, yeah. What do you call it a drawer? A drawer? No, you call in a drawer. Well, how do you say room? How do you say room? Room.

Room. Okay, good. Some people say room. Room. Oh, here's what I, somebody told me who's from the south, who said he could tell I was from the south, because I don't have much of an accent. Zero. Yeah. And how do you say the word EGG?

Egg. Egg. Yeah, it's egg. Egg? Yeah. And southern people always say egg. Like, hey, can I have, you want some eggs? Yeah.

Yeah. And that was something I never knew about. I never knew that either. Yeah. Eggs. I cannot pronounce that other R and drawer either. Dore. Droar.

Droar. Droar. Droar. Droar. Dore. Did you vote for Mondei or what? Are you worried about a wealth tax? What are you talking about?

Property tax. I'm worried. I am not registered in the city. I'm registered upstate. Nice. And I would have voted for a Mammani. I've raised money for him. I believe in his platform.

I'm not scared. I don't buy into that. You know, it's going to be a hellhole. There was a guy. Who's the, they're all clown. but the guy on Newsmax who's kind of ultra-serious, got dark hair, he's probably in his late 50s. He's like one of the main guys. Cuomo?

No, no, no. Isn't Chris Cuomo on Newsmax? Yeah, he is, right? Oh, no, news. Go to. No, he's not a Newsmax. Greg Kelly? Go to Greg Kelly.

Cuomo's on News Nation. Oh, my bad. Newsmax is like... Oh, maybe that's one I'm thinking. No, News Nation is a similar thing, right? No, but... That's him. Okay, Greg Kelly. So Greg Kelly was when... I was watching Newsmax for the election results because it's, I mean, it's not fun to watch CNN or NSBC. Like, oh, I get it, whatever. But you got to watch these guys freaking out. And he was just shaking his head. and he and whoever the woman was

and they were just as the returns are coming in just what have you done what have you done and at one point he goes he goes and he wants to make the bus is free how is that kind of work

I mean do you understand who's going to ride the bus when the bus is free and he taught then he said you know My wife and I take the bus all the time. Not anymore. And I'm like, you never once, you motherfucking lying piece of shit. You never took any bus in New York.

You fucking asshole. We're not going to take the bus anymore. Yeah. We're done with the bus. Bus is a certain level of, it's a socioeconomic status that you can call bus level. Yes. And also, just as a side note, free buses have worked. There are other cities that haven't.

Kansas City has free buses, and it's worked. Finland's got free, well, they have like an honor system with the train. Yeah. They have an honor system. So you're supposed to, like, buy a ticket. But they're also subsidized more than our transportation system. Yeah, yeah. And it's better.

I mean, I remember, you know, when I do go out on tour, I spend roughly a month and change in Europe going around. And I did it right this time. In fact, I didn't like rush around. I gave myself two days, including, you know, travel, but it's easy to get from place to place. and I would get there before the show, the day before the show. So I did it kind of right, and then I carved out a week around my London show, and my wife and daughter came out. Yeah, it was great.

She loved it. And I'm going, you know, I'm doing shows in Copenhagen and Oslo and Cologne and, you know, various places. And I'm sitting there going, what the fuck am I doing in America? Like, I mean, everything, it just works. You go, like, everything, like there's, you don't, you're not scared of crime and you're not, there's, there's, there's, you can walk around at night and especially women, you know, and it's like, you know, and just everything kind of works and the transportation, the, the, the trains to the, like, the Stockholm train from Sweden into the airport. goes like 200 miles an hour. It's really nice.

I've taken it. It's free. You just go and you bring your luggage. And it's just like, wow, this is what a better way to. People are swimming in Oslo. They have these little like sauna, like tiny little boats that have saunas on them. People, they kind of dock by the side and you go, they'll get in the sauna box and then the boat, you know, you know, goes out like 100 yards. And you just go swimming.

You plunge into the, like, can you imagine the East River? Sometimes they don't come out. Sometimes that's how they end it. That's how they get you. Yeah, they love to kill themselves up there. Do they really? Yeah. Oh, that's right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you told me that. Yeah. They love to kill them. In Oslo. It just, I mean, Norway is sweet. So there's a crack in your story. Where's the term? They always have a term for every time.

Schweiden, Nugan. Right? Yeah, I don't know what their term. That doesn't sound. Right, that's true. Forfitt Nugan. No, the Scandinavians have, uh, They have Foshpiel, which is like they go drink themselves to death before they go out.

Got it. You ever see how hammered they get? You're like gremlins. You pour, like they're nice and probably during the day. Like, how are you? I'm fine. I kind of actually did the very first time I was in Stockholm was going way back. They're very reserved.

They're nice, but they're reserved, right? Cognitive. And then I went to this bar that was kind of, you know, underground and kind of stone, cavey, whatever, but like an old standard bar, nothing thematic about it. And in the course of the night, people, it's like in Britain, they start drunk. They start that loud. They start like that. And then in Sweden, they get like that. So, yes, I have noticed that.

They're like gremlins. And they, they're fucking singing. and yell and grabbing you to help sing with them. They always sing Swedish nationalist songs. And then they have this thing in the culture that Scandinavians, it's called the Yantilovin, which is the law of Yanty,

which is their cultural thing that you're not better than anyone. Don't try to stand out. Just be one of the people. You're not cool. Don't try to achieve anything. Right. And a lot of them... Try to achieve anything?

Yeah, they like don't make a... Wait, what do you mean? Don't try to achieve anything. Yeah, like don't be better than it. Put that cure for cancer away, my friend. You don't want to be. You're not, you're not any better than us. You're not any better than anyone else. I just learned a fun fact that Vikings, right, their whole, like the first 200 years of their economy was mostly propped up by them pillaging towns, getting the, you know, enslaving white women and then selling them to the Islam, selling them to the Muslim rulers. And that, that was a big, that was like the current. Oh, it's huge. So the Vikings didn't care, but they were just like, this is all the money. You know, the Muslim guys specifically wanted the white women from...

And where would they go, like, how far down would they have to travel to sell the women to the Muslim? I think the Muslims would just come right up. Horn of Africa. No, the Muslim guys would, the Islam would come right up. Oh, they'd come right up? And they'd buy them right up. Yeah, come right up. Right there, come there right up.

Yeah, they'd come right up on those free buses, baby. They'd buy them right up. That's the thing. The free, we're back to the buses. Greg Kelly was right. That's what it is. Son of us. He's going to buy the white women.

All right. No, but that is true. That is, that is, that is, and during a time in history, that was true. That was true. Mercantaries, too. I learned a lot about history today. Today is what it was about? How it started, you know what I mean?

I got one question for you. Yeah, I want to know about history. What's ever happened to Ronnie? Run. Run, Ronnie, run. I mean, it never came out. It just was on, it was a package. So it was going to be, it was going to come out in April. There was a date in April and then they moved it and put in, this is for real, Jason versus Freddie. They thought they'd have a better shot with that. And they did. They were placed it with Jason versus Freddie. Did they do he went to space yet? He did go to space? Yeah, you know, like they just, the last meeting they were like, dude, what are we?

Let's throw them in space. Yeah, it goes like at a time machine, it goes to the Old West. Yeah. The Egyptian pyramids. Yeah, Jason X. Look, Jason X. Jason in space. They really milked it.

No, you're kidding. Yeah. No fucking way. They milked it. Yep. How? How? How did he end up?

in space? Because they did like a hundred of them. He brought his mask? Yeah, they did like a hundred. What's the plot? How did he end up in space? Oh, my. You got to hear here. I thought you didn't see it, Nick? It happened in 2001. Oh, a lot of weird stuff. They've done like 20 of them, right? So at some point, like, the only thing left we can do is throw us.

You would have got 20% of a rotten tomatoes. That's good. Not bad. Better than expected. I am. Download it for the plane. Yeah. He's got his, he's got like a version of his hockey bag. Yeah. He's got like a, he's got like a, this. I got to watch this. Yeah, let's want to hit the trailer real quick. Yeah, let's go. Jason X.

And we got the volume? In the year 2455 on a routine training mission. A team of students is about to discover a life form frozen in time. They're on their way back. Prepare for docking and power of the lab. You brought him on board? Everything's under control, man. Oh my god.

Jason Borges, that's what's going on. He's an unstoppable killing machine. It's okay. He just wanted his machete back. How do we get off the ship? I don't know. It's like a sketch. What?

Are you high? Uh-oh. He's here. On his face yet. Mike, I guarantee you one of these. All right, Jesse. My mother went to camp What was it called? Camp

Crystal Lake. Crystal Lake. My mother went to Camp Crystal Lake and survived. He's an unstoppable killing machine with a modernized hockey mask. How did he become an unstoppable

killing machine? He was just a dude who was mentally unstable who killed all these easy to kill kids, dumb. naked, you know, teenagers. And now he's an unstoppable killing. And I love the dialogue.

The writers just gave up to, like, how do we convey fear from the cast? Uh-oh. It's what you call jumping the shark. Yeah. Jumping the shark. It's an X, baby. Watch it, and then watch David Cross' new special on YouTube,

the end of the beginning of the end. Out right now, baby. Yeah, go check it out. Thank you, David, for... Thank you, Mr. Cross. Yeah, thank you, man. Appreciate it. Yeah.

I learned a lot. Me too. As did we? We have a lot of reflecting to do. Guys, of course, at the end of every episode, we go to patreon.com slash history hyenas, and we read off the newest members of the matriarchy. Only way to get involved is to join.

We have a lot of free bonus content over there. I'm sorry, paid for bonus content, some of the funniest parts of the show right there. And we picked the winner from last week's Patreon. We have to put it to a vote. And the winner is, I'm a Leroy. I went to Jonestown for the free Kool-Aid. For the free Kool-Aid. You are the winner.

The fans voted. So congratulations to you. It's just, yeah, I mean, you know, we didn't pick it. They picked it. They picked it. And let me say the other one got a lot of votes, too. But when we get into that situation, we're turning to the people. Cool-Aid one. Now, it was only two pages today? Yeah. Okay. All right. Are we catching up? Is that what it is? We're about two weeks behind. I can print out. We have three pages, but I just need to print them. Print it. No, well, let's see. This is good. Let's see. We can get this. Okay. here we go. All right, welcome to the

matriarchy Bo, Duke, 23. Then we got Penny Pinching, hook-nosed, back-hair monkey who started to get offended by the use of anti-Semitic tropes and Patreon names. Latter 14. Okay. Okay. You know what? Good note.

We understand that. We understand? Yeah. Can't stop laughing, imagining Chrissy D. D.P. giving Yanni P. Soft tissue massage and his fume garage. Okay. Okay. almost, you know, it was just a little fume garage, very funny, like, fueling by itself.

But one more time. Can't stop imagining Chrissy D. D. D.P. giving Yanni P. soft tissue massage in his fume garage. It's pretty good. Yeah. I've never thought about calling someone's ass a fume garage. Yeah, if we just had fume garage, you're on the list. Yeah, and here we go.

Yeah. Welcome to the lexicon, because guess what? Fume garage is that good. Have you ever heard of fume garage? No, I mean, getting the chimney swept is getting your assy and getting the tongue in the Fume Garage is also getting your assing. Tugging to Fume Garage. Yeah.

So you didn't win, but you did something better almost when you make it into the lexicon, you've contributed to a lexicon. Or cleaning out my fume garage. Yeah, you clean up my fume garage or, you know, how, you know, how clean is your fume garage? Yeah. All right. So then we got Reney LaRouch. Then we got the Da Vinci Chode.

Then we got, I always thought. Nicaragua meant black water. Okay. Nicaragua. Yeah. Then we got Asia. Then we got Yanni One Eye, Kalanapin pre-cry, feet make glue fly. Okay.

Good rhyme scheme. Yonai would have been a good chicken finger. I like that. Yeah. I'll give you an honor a chicken finger called me Yonni One-I. Then we got Mark, Eric Estreya. Then we got, I got probed by an alien. His name was Jose.

Decent, Drexler. Laddiv. Yeah. Rexler. Then we got Dylan, Mr. A-Z-T. Then we got Leaky Roof, and now my Siberian Husky is leaking glue. Okay. Okay.

Ivan Canales. Frisbee Broad with braces, sucked my sticky snot rocket. Call her the Iron Dome. Way's on Cheyne. Yeah. Really good. Okay. You know, she's got braces getting head.

She's a Jewish girl. Yeah. Not bad. What do we do with that? Drexler. I mean, Drexler. I mean, Drexie. Little wordy almost.

Right. Very good, though. Chelsea Berman, Dakota Simpson, Olivia Davis, Gringo salsa monkey with a Picheno piece. It's got a Pekeno piece. What happened? A Pekeno piece is funny.

Chad Bronchio, Brown and Stinky Leroy in my pinky. Wesley McMurray, Mike Matalash, Lee Ansel's, Nick, Jerylin, Frank, Just suck me off, babe. Uncle Russi's favorite cousin, you're in MAGA country, Jesse?

Okay. Charles Bush. Call me Aladdin the way I take Jasmine's magic carpet, right? Okay. Disparish the family. We're not going to. Yep. We're not going there.

You're gay. Yeah. Marky Mark. Alexander Vigel. Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods Tyke. Living school.

Jesus Christ. Yeah. What in a what? Did you catch? You stay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not good. It's not good. Dave, then we got swallowed so much for his big glue, the true Jewish turtleneck. I don't get it. Don't get it. Kevin Luca. Up to here. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yanni's nose trying to part his eyes like Moses did the Red Sea. You know, we've had that. It's almost, you know. Hey, Sergio, why don't you come find Chrissy the Peptillion a new habit? Chrissy the Peptillion would be good. Like because of peptides?

Yeah. Chrisy the Peptillion would have been nice. Because he was a queer. It's what it is. Derrick Lewis. Wanted Huevos transcheros for breakfast so my girl glued down my throat. Wait. Say it again.

Wanted Huvos transcheros for breakfast so my girl glued down my throat. Yeah. Put him on the list. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a goody. Huevos trans charos.

Yeah. Then we got had to hop in the shower because I wiped. too early. Put them on the list. There it is. Yeah. We're heating up. Yeah. It's happened to all of us before. It's just something that happens. Yeah. Walked into Janice's house thinking it was Balcon Bathhouse and railed his Greek mom with my shavapi piece.

Okay. Latter 14. All right. Cato White, Vito Antozzi, Mr. Misty vlogs. Then we got Kanye said it best. Dot, dot, dot, dot. Latter 14. What do we do?

It's funny as hell. Yeah. It's too much. I like it. You like it? On the list? Kanye said it best. What do you think on the list?

What do you think? I mean, I think it's fine. Put it on for now. Why not? Jesse got outvoted. Then we got Little Gay, so I call my girls clit a penis. Like a penis, but a penis. I like it.

Then we got Chrissy D's G-LPs to reduce his A-1C and save Jazzy's H-1B. Very good. Very good. Very good. Very good. I'm going to put that on the, is that okay? Yeah, sure. Why not? I'm going to put that on the list. Yeah. I'm going to put that on the list. Then we got Ryan G. Chuff, Benjamin Aguilar, Trump's penis pump. Chicken finger. Chicken figure. Then we got Jake Me Off. Then we got... Jake Me Off? Chicken finger. Yeah. Chicken finger. Then we got Peter Poppice packed my pickled pepper. Put them on the list.

Okay. But it's disparage. the family. Yeah, but I mean, fuck, I already did it. I can't go back. Peter Pop has packed my pickled pepper. Yeah, it's really good. And guess what? We don't, we don't have challenges on this, so I can't go back. And we can't look at the tape. Can't look at the tape. The Ump made the call. He's on the list. He's on the list. Then we got James McHawk. We can't review it. Yeah. Kevin Macklin, Andrew O'Dah, K. Then we got phones buried in my ass, but still listening to a full episode of history. Put him on the fucking list. Yeah. Take out the catapult. And I think we, it

We got a Janus contender. Phone buried in the ass is funny. And still listening to the full episode. The creativity, yeah. Okay. Then we got want to do Mr. Panos olive oil company underscore yani. Email me underscore at perch no jewelry at comcast.net underscore will pay royalty per sale. It's screwed it.

Screwed it. Yeah, go ahead. So Yanni will email him. Yeah, it's not going to. I'm not doing it. Is that the time you're walking by? Oh. No, it's a machine. Yeah.

Then we got Rani van der Staal. And last but not least, knowledgeable frisbee, aka the Cluden, Juden. Cluden, Juden. Yeah. The Cluden, Juden. Like, because he's knowledgeable, Frisbee, A.K.A.

the Cluden, Juddian. Yeah. Jew, you know, Jew and German. Yeah, but I think in German it would be Udn. Yudin. Yeah. Oh, I thought it was Juddin. Clutin, Udn.

Okay. Well. It rhymes, but. You know, I'll give you a chicken thing. Listen, we got seven on the list in one page. Really good. Okay, so here we go. And there was some ones that if there was a little editing.

Right. There we go. All right, so the list right now wanted Huevos, Transcheros for breakfast, so my girl glued down my throat. We're going to keep that around for a second. Keep that on the list. Then we got had to hop in the shower because I wiped too early. We're going to enjoy that and we're going to chicken finger. Okay.

It's a strong chicken. But Jesse, that's his favorite. Yeah. Jesse liked that one. Okay. Am I doing something wrong by getting rid of it? It's not going to win, right? It's my favorite.

Nick? You know what, if Jesse, let's keep it around. Keep it around for a second. Then we got Kanye said it best. We're going to chicken finger that. Okay. We're going to walk into one now. Then we got Chrissy D's GLPs to reduce his A1C and save Jazzy's H-1B.

We're going to disparage your family. Yeah, unfortunately. So then same with Peter Popp has packed my pickled pepper. Good one. But we got it. It's disparaging. Yeah, we're going to walk into ones. They're very good, notable.

Then we got phones buried in my ass, but still. listening to a full episode of history hyenas. We are keeping that around. That's what it is. Okay. So the list, the contenders are... This is a good crew to hang out with. Good one.

We got wanteduevos, trans cheros for breakfast, so my girl glued down my throat, had to hop in the shower because I wiped too early or phones buried in my ass, but still listening to a full episode of history of hyenas. Okay, Jesse, I agree with you. We should have kept that around. Yeah. That's really good. Something different, different speeds. Very simple. Right.

That one's very simple. funny. The most creative one is stuffing in his ass and still listen to a full, didn't stop him from listening to a full episode of his ass.

Yeah, that's very funny. That's very funny. And then the other one is... Wanted Huevos Transcheros for breakfast so my girl glued down my throat. That one is exceptional. Right. Instead of Revos,

what do they call him? Wevos. Rancheros. He had Transcheros. Right. And he had eggs and down the throat. So he wanted trans nuts. Right.

So his girl... came in his throat. Right. His girl had a penis. Now, yeah. I don't know what to do here. Well, I would, I would. You like phones buried in your ass.

I would Drex. I would, Jesse's favorite is the one I would Drexler. It's a little too simple compared to those two, right? What do you think? Yeah, I see that. So it's really between wanted Huevo's trans Cheros for breakfast so my girl go down my throat or phones buried in my ass but still listening to a full episode of history hyenas. That's where we're at.

That's where we're at. Nick, what do you like? I like phone buried in my ass. Phone buried in your ass. Phone buried in your ass. Jesse, what do you like? Yeah, it's good for business. Yeah, so you know what?

That's the winner. Go to history hyenas is back.com. You are the PPW, the pseudo penis of the week. Phones buried in my ass, but still listening to a full episode of history hyenas. Congratulations. Patreon episode right now. Which is, by the way, a great way to listen. Yeah.