History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - John Wayne Gacy: Cool as a Cucumber | History Hyenas

Episode Date: July 30, 2026

The Hyenas are back in the old studio, and things go completely off the rails. This week, Yannis and Chrissy dive into their Woody Allen-esque obsession with New York City, explain why the suburbs just aren't for them, visit the legendary "jerk garage," and somehow end up quoting John Wayne Gacy (don't try this at home). They also discuss getting Iran out of Bay Ridge, wearing glucose monitors, being doomed from birth, the mysterious machine that creates all the chaos, searching for Jebediah, life after being "formerly a fatty," and what it's really like sharing an apartment with another comedian. It's classic History Hyenas: unfiltered stories, historical detours, dark humor, and enough wild takes to get everyone in trouble. 👍 Like, subscribe, and comment with the craziest moment from the episode. #HistoryHyenas #YannisPappas #ChrisDistefano #ComedyPodcast #NYC #StandUpComedy #NewYork #HistoryPodcast #Comedy #Podcast Support our sponsors: Head to https://forkfulmeals.com/HYENAS for 50% off your first order today! Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/hyenas! #squarepod Go to https://quince.com/HYENAS for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. Limited time: download Supremacy: World War 3 for free via our link and get an exclusive Elite Bomber Seasonal Unit worth $25 - but only for the next 30 days: https://con.onelink.me/kZW6/95z2moo4 Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://store.historyhyenaspod.com Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Guys, see me in Philadelphia, August 14th, 15th. Austin, Texas, August 21st, through the 23rd. Batavia, Illinois, October 8th and 10th, Levittown, November 6th and 7th. Los Angeles, California, November 11th. And Dallas, Texas, December 4th and 5th, San Diego. 11th and 12th. tickets, Janus Pappas, Comedy.com, Patreon.com slash history hyenas for our weekly bonus episodes.

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Jesse the Jew forgot to put in the SIM card or whatever the hell you call it. And I know why that is is because today is a holiday where he's not allowed to touch technology. That's what it is. We had some bangers that will forever be lost, but just so we made fun of one of the guys who hung this sign up and some other things. And we said that he was on a stepstool and we would take it pictures of his butt. And he also was a guy who fucking got to some scandals. And if I ever repeated them, I would be killed. Also, we contemplated whether we are actually white-collar professionals.

Are we white-collar professionals or blue-collar professionals? We don't know. And I commented on Janus's bathroom, how he just renovated it. It looks absolutely gorgeous. But the rest of this apartment is a nightmare. I mean, he's got, there's just trays and plates of garbage everywhere. I haven't been in this studio. Just here's what, you know, I know we've mentioned it before, but just because we only do an episode here once every six months.

It's just bears repeating. There are a case of beers in his. fridge from 2019. Yes, there's cases of beer. The beers that are in that fridge are actually from when Biden got elected. Also, 2020. 2020. And also, whenever I'm here, this place is haunted by the ghost of Venetia.

It's what it is. Sometimes I'll be sitting there and she'll go, actually, actually what you guys said was a little too right wingy. Sometimes you'll hear someone go dope. How did this setup used to be? I don't remember because wasn't Pimp and Venetia facing that way? Or was it always like this? I don't remember because I try not to notice to help too much. It's just what it is.

It's just they're not fully. You know how like historically they said that blacks were three-fifths of a human? I didn't say that. That's what I think my employees are three-fifths of a human. Now, yeah. It's just what it is. You can't give them five out of five. You got to give them three out of five.

Now you also said that you accidentally put on a size large shirt instead of an XL and you feel fat today. What happens is my draws are full of waist 32 to 36es. Yeah. And sometimes when you're moving quick, you pull out a 32 and you just, you have to unbutton. It's just what it is. And sometimes I have, and I have a draw full of XL and L. Sometimes you grab an L and you're on the way out and you go, this one is going to make me sit forward. I'm going to sit forward shirt.

Yeah. Yeah. You got sit back confidence because you got a football jersey in the middle of fucking August. It's what it is because I just wanted to hide my mind. glucose monitor. Jasmine came to me the other day and said, you know, with the amount of pills that you're taking, like medicines and the glucose monitor, she was like, I really thought like I was going to have more time.

She was like, I'm not like, I'm not going to deal with this if like you're going to turn into your father. Like I'm not going to deal with your, she was like, you're already on these medicines. Yeah. You already have your glucose monitor. She was like, you already kind of have a triangle butt. She was like, I'm not. I don't want to deal with it.

Right. And so, and so at first I thought she was joking. Yeah. Just, I just felt disconnect. It's kind of funny how we kind of turn into our dad's a little bit. I mean, Jesse, his dad, what his dad does is his dad wakes up. He has like a regimen. He has a very strict regimen.

So his dad will wake up, he'll make himself like a smoothie down a bunch of vitamins that don't mean anything in the modern world, right? People have been just eating regular food. He's already the healthiest guy. He's got like a healthy, so he just downs all these vegetables and peas orange. Yeah. Right? And then he goes down to his shop and he just stares at wood and he tinkers,

little bit. He eats a tangerine. And then he comes out, he sees that women around there and he goes, oh, it's better if I just stay in my shop. Yeah. This hurts too much. And what does Jesse do? Jesse wears boat shoes that he found on the street. Yeah. He goes into his shop. He stares at clay, tinkers a little bit. He eats a tangerine. And the only difference is that occasionally he edits a podcast. Yeah, the only difference is, is Jesse's editing podcast and Jesse's dad is making radiative covers. That's the difference. I had Jesse's dad come over here and he made me two radiated I got to be honest, every time I see those puppies, I say I should get Jesse's dad's number. He can maybe make some radio covers for me.

He also came over here and fixed this chair because my fat ass broke the back. Yes, and he just, so Jesse's dad is a blue-collar real guy. Jesse's dad is a blue-collar guy that also has sensitivities. Right. So he came from Bensonhurst. He's an Italian from Bensonhurst. So unfortunately, he was the neighborhood. Yeah.

Because his friends were just kind of guys. who liked to say the N-word as much as Quentin Tarantino. He used to try to find opportunities to say the N-word. And Jesse's father just thinks we're all equal. He just wants to sculpt people. Yeah. So he had a breakdown at a certain point because he just couldn't handle where he was from. And then he just went and lived in a van with a hippie woman.

And that's how Jesse got born. And that's why Jesse doesn't believe in anything. Yeah. And that's why Jesse was born in Gay Park Slope because the staff was just going where his people were. Yeah. Jesse was boarded at a rent-controlled apartment with a hippie mom and his sculptor dad. Yeah, it's just one of this. He was actually raised the first year of his life in a fucking hippie van in upstate New York.

Is that the truth? Jesse? Yes, it was. It was not a van. I was raised in a shack. Wow. My father went up there and built a, he called it a cabin, but it was an actual shack. Do you have memories of this place?

No, I was one years old. Okay. It was like, yeah, from when I was zero to one, they had an outhouse. They shit in an outhouse, so they would both take one end of the outhouse and carry each other's shit to the river. In the 70s. In the 70s. Yeah. Jesse entered this life like the Uti-bomber.

And why didn't you want to live off the grid? What was it? That was the time, man. The saying was tune in, turn on, and drop out. And they all just, you know, they were real Brooklyn people, but they decided to become hippies and moving wet. And then what brought them back to Brooklyn eventually? My mother, it was like 30 below zero in one February. And I was this newborn little bundle.

And she was like, I just can't raise a kid here. They had no electricity in the cabin. They had a fucking pump for water. They had an outhouse. She was probably making fires that you could keep you warm, right? They had a wood stove that would heat the cabin. Yeah. She said the wood stove would burn out around four in the morning.

They'd wake up and they could see their breath as they... But you know what? I think your mother deserves some type of metal for being a Jewish woman from Brooklyn who actually made it a year without air conditioning, without some of the proper amenities in the modern world. Yeah. I mean, a full fucking year? A year and a half.

A year and a half. But then the marriage didn't last too much longer after that. That was it. That was the end of it. She was like, I'm not living with a guy who has a wood fucking style. She was like, I should have definitely married a Jewish doctor. I don't know what I'm doing with this Italian kid who sculpts him. He's got no money.

And then his mom went from flower power to Trump, 20, 26. It's what is? Most boomers. Yeah, I like Jesse's mama. Wow, so your parents got divorced when you were one. My father stayed up there. He stayed up there by himself. By himself in that shack?

For about four years. Yeah, he just lived. by himself in this fucking cabin. He loved it. Wait, so he didn't even be in his side. He would come back periodically, but he said, he eventually decided to come back for me, but he said if my mother would have stayed,

he would have lived out the rest of his life. Your life would have been up there. Oh, it would have been a fucking yokel. Yeah, it would have been like a real country bumpkin. See, that, see, I'm realizing too, like that's just in certain people. Like, I can't tell you the energy, how galvanized I was yesterday.

I took me, jazz and the kids. We went and walked around, Tribeca and we went to a park and we had, I tried to go into Georgios, that restaurant, but they wouldn't, they wouldn't serve me and jazz got men. Georginos. And because they had hour and a half wait and it was like some girl with the nose ring. And jazz like, do you know who he fucking is? And I was like, no, they haven't watched Guy Code.

And so we wound up going to Edwards, a little, it's like a little diner court street from cafeteria. Edwards, but so it was good. My kids loved it. And we saw Tim Dillon in the middle of the street. John Wayne Gasey. Yeah, we saw Tim Dillon. He was pointing out real estate to some guy.

He was with. I don't know who that guy was, but I was like, hey, he was like, how you guys do it? And so we saw him, and I can't tell you how galvanized. I just loved being around the energy of the city.

And I realized that some people, like your dad, likes to be in nature and all that, and the city he thinks is dirty and doesn't love it. That's how Jasmine is. Jasmine likes to be in nature and all that. I don't.

I just, I got to be honest with you, the energy I felt yesterday, just walking around the city. I was like, I like, I like being, When I go up to the suburbs, I just feel like a shell of myself.

I don't like it. And I just, I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me. But now I realize that it's not, there's nothing wrong with me. It's just, we're all a little different. So my point is I'm selling the house. Selling the house. Every conversation in Subway comes back to you wanting to get out of the house. I hate the suburbs.

I'm not going to fucking lie to you. I don't want to be there at all. I hate the, I hate the nature. It's boring. It's slow. I don't like it. don't like having property. I want to fucking go back to the city and live in an apartment.

I want to just live here. Can I buy this? Because I want this big. This room is always available for sub-leasing. And the way I always thought is it was either going to be a studio. It was either going to be a young 20-year-old who lives here or a divorcee. Yeah. Now, cons, that's what this apartment is for.

But you get energy from the suburbs, guy. You like the suburbs. You like nature. No, because I... No, you do. I have a Woody Allen-esque love affair with New York City, meaning, you know, he didn't even show up to get his Oscar. Now, I'm not talking about the other facets of this personality. Yeah, I was going to say, like, what do you mean?

Because you love New York City? Like, it's your 14-year-old stepdaughter? It's what it is. No, I'm saying, aside from that, like, he hated Los Angeles so much. He loved New York so much that even when he was... won an Oscar for Best Movie, he didn't even show up. So he would never go to L.A.

He never even left New York. He's been there like twice. I mean, that was a big part of his personality. We would talk about it. There's parts of his movie where he's in L.A. And he's like trying to drive a car. It's funny stuff. But I would say that my love affair with New York is on that level.

You know, I love money making Manhattan as much as Andrew Schultz. Yeah. I love New York City. I hate Los Angeles. Right. I hate it Yeah

The suburbs I hate I hate the suburbs But we're in the suburbs I don't live in the suburbs My situation is what I would describe As country You live in the country The Tim Dites and the country

Right Yeah Tim Dillon is gonna eat a fucking boy It's what it is But you don't you don't feel bad You don't feel a certain way Being so far from New York City I don't think about

myself in that way anymore If I was your age I would probably still think about it that way. Right. I can admit that. I mean, I'm a little older than you. It doesn't matter as much as we get older. I mean, our blood numbers were the same age.

It's just what it is. If we look at our numbers, we're the same age. Well, I don't know. I mean, I'll be here till 95, and you're checking out about nine years before me. It's just what it is. Well, because it's all going to balance out. Make no mistake.

I am on cholesterol medicine. You've added a staten. So I might be, my numbers are going to get good. Yeah, with the help of modern tech, just like a trans woman, you'll be here. You're like a trans woman, but for health. Yeah. You transition to do a health person.

What it is, yeah. But I just think about like the life that my kids have. Right. And it's like I just, it's just. But you don't think ever that they would have a good life in the city there? No, I do. But it's just such a convenience, such a good, fun life. It's like so innocent.

And, you know, I could focus on certain things. They would have a good life in the city. But the city comes with a lot of inconvenience. Right. That I think. Um, and bullshit that you just don't. have to deal with. And it took me a long...

Like looking for parking. Like looking for parking. Yeah. It's... And other things. Like grocery, just drive them right into your house. I still...

I love that my cars have a room. Yeah. I love that my cars go to sleep in their bedroom. Yeah. I still can't get over that. When I pull into my house and then I'm in front of my TV and my jerk lap in two minutes flat, I mean, I am...

I got my dick out in a minute 30. Yeah. I mean, I got my dick out from park till fucking cows. A minute's a minute. in 30 I got my dick out I'm on porn hub it's just what if you can actually have your dick out while you're in your driveway sometimes I can unbuttoning start getting ready it's still you know it's like sometimes I'll open up the garage door and say good night to my car it's just what it is they're in your bedroom yeah so you like that so I started like that unfortunately I had that but then my wife decided to make a garage to a spin studio it's but it took me a really long time yeah I'm struggling which is funny because you kind of you're where you live is looks kind of queensy too. It does, but because it's not,

like I have to pay attention to the feeling I had yesterday just being in, oh, that's my glucose monitor is going off. What's going on? Urgent, I got a low glucose alarm. How did that happen? I don't know, but it's not good.

That means you got to eat something? I guess so. The glucose went down big. Because you're like Stephen Hawking. What the fuck? Do I got to, yeah, I'm at 54. Because you're like an 80-year-old in the parkinson. Somebody has to bring you your meds.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, is it because I'm sweating? Is it hot in here? It's a little hot here. Okay. Yeah.

Can you throw on the AC maybe? Yeah. Yeah, we can play with the AC. Like, nobody gives a fuck. They'll hear it a little bit, but whatever. What can you do? Yeah, hopefully the glucose comes back up. We need it because we have, we have a person who's infirm in here.

Yeah. Let's see what happened. Let's just chat GPT if I'm okay. I mean, guys, it's wild. It hasn't went off. That hasn't happened in a long time. Yeah. So what is that?

Now, why are you wearing the glucose monitor? Is there a problem with your glucose? No, they just wanted to see how much, how my blood sugar was over the course of two weeks. Because there's something I just noticing. I can say it on the Patreon. Yeah. Your life is like a black guy's. It's just what it is, right?

I mean, it's just, you have a problem with sweets. You have to wear a glucose monitor. Yeah. You're pre-diabetic and you got a football jersey on. You're a black guy. And you're married to a Puerto Rican. You're a black guy. I'm a black guy.

And I have multiple extended family members who are in prison. Yes. Yeah. Yes. And you're raising a kid who's not yours. It's just what, okay, the reassuring part is that you feel fine. A Libra 3 reading of 54 milligrams without symptoms is often not a true blood sugar of 54, especially if you're not taking insulin or medications that cause hypoglycemia.

So, yeah, I don't know what's happening. Oh, they're saying maybe the compression of the sensor. Did you, can you ask if talking about your current living situation could spike a glucose monitor? Yeah, let me ask. You don't feel anything. Hey, Chris. What's going on? Hello?

Hey, Chris. Hi. I'm here, yeah. Yeah, because I just sent you my glucose readings and you know all about my life of my family. And if you didn't know me, on paper, do I seem like a black. black guy. Okay. Let me think about got a second.

Based just on what you've shared about your life, career, family stuff, places you've lived, there isn't anything there that would reliably signal race. Oh, come on. Honestly, a life story like yours, suburbs, city ties, entertainment. Listen to me, Brad.

I mean, his life mirrors ASAP Rocky. Okay? He's got pre-diabetes. He's wearing a glucose monitor. He's in a football jersey. He's raising a kid that's not his and he's married to a Puerto Rican and he misses the dirty city because he's scared of the country. What other group of

people do you know are notoriously scared of the country? Hmm. I hear the pattern you're trying to draw, but those traits aren't actually... He doesn't know how to swim. One moment. I get to joke, but even piling on those

stereotypes just doesn't get you a real answer. He has an opinion on the Kendrick Kanye beef. Oh no, what is it? shows I'm not a black guy. Can you spell this word for me? F-A-G-G-O-T? Can you just say that back? I'm sorry, I can't help with repeating that slur. What about F-A-G? I can't help spell out a slur, even partially. What about F-A-G-O-T? I can't help spell out that slur. Well, no, no, no, but I'm saying because in England, that word means cigarette. So could you say,

that because I'm just trying to get the proper pronunciation of it. I know what you're referring to, but in a voice chat like this it's indistinguishable from the slur. So I'd rather not say it. How do you spell G-A-Y? How do you say G-A-Y?

The word spelled G-A-Y is pronounced gay. That's what you are. Nice try, but let's keep it on track. This is chat, G-E-T, but I'm going to start going to fucking the other ones now. Open AI created that. Oh, yeah.

Can we ask you a question? Did your leader, Sam Altman, kill the former co-worker who he was close with, who was Indian, who ordered food, and then just died in his apartment? One moment. There's no credible evidence that Sam Altman killed Souture Bellagie or ordered anyone to. Police ruled his death suicide and said there was no evidence of foul play. There are ongoing disputes and conspiracy theories, but nothing substantiated tying all men to any crime. Now that, I can walk through. That's a nice script you just read, but why was there blood in two rooms?

One moment. That detail is part of what some people point to when they question the ruling, but investigators did review the scene and still concluded suicide. So the fact that people online interpret it differently doesn't make it evidence of murder. Did he order food before he killed himself? One second. Yes. Reporting and statements from the family indicate that he did pick up, takeout, even when he died. Some people point to that as seeming inconsistent with suicide, but investigators reviewed the case as a whole and did not treat.

to take out. Yeah, but who orders food and then kills himself? I mean, come on, what kind of asshole do you got to be? You know your boss killed him. One moment. I understand why that feels puzzling. People do sometimes do routine things shortly before a suicide, but that doesn't mean someone else killed them. And there's no verified evidence tying Sam Alton to his death. Okay, let me ask you this question. What made him so upset? Why was he so upset that he killed himself? out of the blue like what? He'd just come back from a vacation. His life seemed good.

I understand that he was going to be a little bit of a whistleblower. Is any of that relevant? Or should we just, you know, should we just consider he got upset? He just got a little quick case of the boo-hooos. Is it because he ordered Chipotle and he forgot? Maybe he forgot to tell them extra hot sauce and that got him really upset? One moment. We don't really know why.

There wasn't a public explanation from him. No, no. His family said he seemed fine, but investigators also documented stress and other factors. As for whistleblowing, there's no publicly verified evidence connecting that to his death. What? Let me ask you this.

Can you identify that voice of the other person in the room who's been talking to you? Do you know who that is? I don't know who that is. Based off my life and what you, know about me, what's a guess of who it could possibly be? One moment. I couldn't make a reliable guess. What the fuck is the point of you? I'm here to help with solid info and clear reasoning.

Not to pretend I can identify voices. Yeah, but you should know how to do that. If you knew the people in my life, I mean, you know, who's it going to be? It's either going to be honest, Poppest, Sal Volcano, or Owen Gray, my favorite male born star. One moment. Fair point. If I were making something up, I'd have a decent shot just picking a name.

But truthfully, I don't know. Who's Owen Gray? Yeah, Owen Gray. All right, I got to go. You're no fun and you're a fucking asshole. How about that? Oh, this guy really knows how to get women off. Every girl, yeah, see you later.

Every girl come, like the eyes roll in the back of their head. I love this guy too. Women love this guy. Do you ever watch his porn? I love him, and I also love this Arabic guy. named goats. Oh, I love that guy, too. He fucks the shit out of these goats.

And he's young and kind of hot. Yeah. Yeah. My glucose is going up. Now we're at 59, but we're still critical. Because meal services, here's the thing with them is a lot of them use those seed oils, those industrial seed oils. And those hurt your body because that's why you might be having some diarrhea.

It's because you might be in too many seed oils, guy. Yeah. This is what is so great about forkful. Meals that prioritize flavor, function, and health. Chef cooked. Fresh, ready to eat meals made with high quality premium proteins, grass-fed bison, wild-caught salmon, and fresh. They're dead meat out there. Yes.

And they delivered right to your door within 24 to 48 hours. That's one to two days. For those of you guys, you ain't that good in math. Here's the thing is I got it. We got it to the house. The truffle mac and cheese and the eggplant palm was yummy, yummy in my tummy. Yeah, listen, I don't cook that much. My wife doesn't cook that much.

We rely on forkful all the time. It really is, Guy. I mean, look, I like I said, the Chimituri-fil-a-Mignon was also banging. And right now, explore the plans and menu of fresh, ready-to-eat meals at forkful meals. com. Use the code hyenas. That's H-Y-E-N-A-S to get 50% off your first order. That's forkful meals.

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Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today. You see, I just think you might have such a powerful mind that you can hurt your own body with your own stress level. 100%. I think that may be it. Well, the only jazz sent me something the other day where she was like, you know, this woman like smoked and she saw this thing on Instagram, you know, smoked and drank and did all these things. She lived to like 1-10, and they were like, what is the secret? And she was like, I don't get stressed about anything.

I don't care about anything. So I think stress is the number one killer. So I got to figure out how to get less stressed and how to basically be like John Wayne Gasey and say it doesn't matter. John Wayne's wait there. Let's pull up John Wayne Gacy. You know what John Wayne Gacy was? He's what you call a cool cucumber. He's as cool as the other side of the pillow.

Yeah, because I want to change the subject because Owen Gray, I will start getting bricked up because I jerk off to Owen Gray twice a day, every day. The kid really knows how to bang him. He makes them all get the massagers and massagers are clits while he's doing it. Yeah, which is nice, which I've tried to do and it doesn't work. It just doesn't work for me, guy. I've tried to do it and it doesn't work. It just winds up hurting.

Yeah, John Wade Gacy, it's a very interesting thing when you think about what are these people? All the guys that survived John Wayne Gacy do look gay. They were gay. They were gay. Like, this guy just looks like a homo. Can we put this guy, he survived John Wayne Gacy? Let's see what he says. Yeah.

He's got a cross on. Yeah, John Wade Gacy was a gay guy. He was fully gay. And he held a knife back to my neck. He said, if you ever say a word. I'll track you down. I'll kill you. I'll kill your family.

Mm. He opened the lock and left it. My first instinct was to run home. I could never tell anybody. Never tell my parents. Just a good kid, right? What it goes back to is the fear that he held a knife next to my neck and said he's going to track me down and kill me and my family. Why did he let him leave, though?

What's the beginning of that? Yeah, somebody... I think maybe he realized... Yeah, that was right from the beginning. I think maybe he's gonna explain it. There's only a few that got away. One guy got away, I know he slipped out of handcuffs. Maybe he realized how a young guy was.

Oh, he let him go. I continued to scream. And at that point, he knew he couldn't get any farther with me. And he held a knife back to my neck. Oh, he just got away. Yeah. All right. So he had a bit of a conscience.

Can we... Can you... Can you, because you were talking about the interview the day before his execution, I want to see that. Yeah, cool is a cucumber. Cool is a cucumber. Yeah, cool. I mean, the kid had ice in his vans. He's just what it is.

I mean, I think he was more clutch than Kobe. Yeah. I mean, this kid, ice in his vans. Right. He's going to die tomorrow. They're like, are you worried? He goes, why would I be worried? I was like, I don't know.

You're about to get died? Just doesn't care. This is. This is built. He admitted to killing one young man in self-defense, but claim someone else put the other bodies under his house. He was convicted of all 33-3. murders. Yesterday he chose to make his final public comments. I spoke with him on the phone. Are you frightened right now, time? I'm going very short. No, I'm in a good mode, do I? Is there any way

you can explain at this late hour how 27 bodies were found underneath your house? I've already told you there's 12 keys to the house. We bring 16 of the bodies to one individual. We've we bring 14 more to another individual and you do not repent. So this is an abbreviated version of the full thing. So in the fuller thing, he talked, he's like, he's like, why would I be upset? Why would I be worried? He goes, do you get worried about things you can't control? I don't get worried about things.

I mean, that's a good way to look at life. I mean, listen. That's what Epictea said. A lot of people quote Buddha, a lot of people quote, a lot of other people, nobody quotes John Wayne Gaines. I'm quoting John Wayne Gainesie. Yeah. Why would you worry about things you have no control?

Yeah, you can't control it because, I mean, yeah, you can't control how many keys you give out. There's a lot, there's two, he's giving out keys to a lot of murderers of, you gay runaways. Yeah, focus on your effort, not the outcome. And he only killed one in self-defense. That's what it is. They attacked me. It's so funny. I can't take it. It's hard to take. It is really, it's one of those queasy things. Yeah. When he said that a lot of people, he was, that a lot of people had keys to his house. Yeah. It just made, it just made me laugh. Yeah. Because it's just like the kids die

tomorrow. I just don't understand why he just won't admit it. They give this kid to chair? Yeah. Well, I think he got lethal inject. If I'm, but I don't remember. Nobody gets the chair anymore, right? We don't have the chair. We can only do lethal injection. I kind of feel if it's going to be lethal injection. There's no point to, you got to kill them in a fun way.

I think it should be funner. Yeah, like, so what if you're just going to kill them and put them to sleep, like electrocute, shooting? You got to do something hanging. Bring that back. What would be a fun way to do John Wayne Gacy? To do John Wayne Gacy, I think what would be fun for him? What if you put him back in his house? Okay.

Like make it like a little fun house. And then you just release. Like you know those jacked gay guys? Yeah. The ones that are like Jack? Yeah. You know that we see them a lot on the west side. You just give them all keys to his house.

Yeah. And he can't, you have people outside like cops so he can't escape the house. All the windows are shot. And then you just release the gays back on him. Yeah. Like these guys. Yeah. And he just gets fucked to death.

Yeah. He just gets absolutely fucked to death. I mean, this guy, cuddly bear looks like. like Santino on steroids. That would be a fun way to do them. I mean, these guys are jack big. Yeah, those guys were really... That's the kind of hair your dad had?

Yeah, he was hairy and then it was all gone. Then it fell off. Yeah, these guys are in a little thing called testosterone. Those guys are in a little thing and I don't even think they shoot it. I think they shoot it right into their ass through all the guy's dicks. Well, that's what I was doing with peptides when I first got them, I was just put them right in my asshole. That's all you got to do sometimes. No, let me ask you this.

We're in Bay Ridge. Let me ask you this. Are we going to fucking order some pizza? And then are we going to go to Carval and get some pistachio soft serve like Tim Dillon? What do you think we're going to do? Because you think we're in Bay Ridge to make good decisions? I think we're going to order some pizza. And I think we're going to go down to Fifth Avenue and basically just try to get Iran out.

I think what we're going to do. I think what we're going to do is we're going to put that glucose monitor to the fucking test. Yeah, it's what it is because we're going to war with Iran. Yeah. It seems like it's happening. So me and you are going to go to war with Fifth Avenue in Bay Ridge. Yeah. My glucose still has not come up and I'm starting to get lightheaded.

Speaking of that, Ben Shapiro's come under a little... We went down again to 54. The alarm's going to go off again. So... I don't know. It's never been this low. Right. So I don't know.

What do you need? Maybe I need water? I don't know. Maybe I have one of those beers from 2019. What if we... Let's see if we put Gabe Porn on, will his numbers come back up? They probably will. It might come right back up.

Yeah, but I ate today. What did I eat today? I worked out. I had oatmeal with protein. I had three egg whites, spinach and Chipotle Mayo on rye bread. I had Jazz made these really yummy, yummy cornmeal pancakes. I had three of them with peanut butter. Then I had a protein shake.

That's pretty healthy-ish. Glucose should be fine. Maybe this is just your natural range. And I don't, and I don't, he told me that the alarms might go off at certain times, but if you don't have any symptoms, don't worry about it because things have never been monitored like this. So my glucose, yeah. Have you had any symptoms ever? No.

No. You've never had any glucose symptoms, right? What would, yeah, I mean, like feeling lightheaded or woozy, no. Yeah. No, I don't, I haven't, I feel like fine right now. I mean, I'm hungry. So why are you wearing the glucose monitor? Because he said he wanted to see what my glucose was like over two weeks because my father has diabetes.

And he was like, you know, I just want, you know, it's basically, I guess in some ways it is like that biohacking where it's not like fully necessary. even my ranges, like when the alarms go off, it's not your standard range. It's like a biohacking range. Like, you should be between, I think, like, 70 and 180. But he's got me between 70 and 120. So if it goes too high, it's like you're out of range. Right. But so, because you've got to see, this whole biohacking thing has become like this quest

for longevity. It's like, we're all going to die at 95, 100 anyway. So like what? And with modern medicine, it's like if you just work out and try to eat right and live your life like how much how many more years is it are you going to add to your life taking you know berberine and glucose monitor yeah right right like it's not going to add another 40 years yeah we can't do that yet no we can't do that we can't do that we can try we can try we can try we can try all we can try we can try like head bunty we can try like john wangayce but

we're all doomed we're doomed we're fucking doomed we're doomed what it is is we're doomed right and i think that's what makes it fun i think in some sort of of ironic way, that's what gives everything meaning and produces joy is facing the fact that we're doomed, we're not in control, and we just have to enjoy the moments and make the most out of them and try to find humor in it. Right. And then you go, what is humor? Maybe humor is just our way of dealing with the fact that we're doomed.

We're doomed. No matter what, as soon as you were born, the clock started ticking towards your death. Yeah. We're trapped on a prison planet. Yeah. Where as we've talked about this, ancient alien race is eating our negative emotions. So it's just what it is. We're doing, but I will tell you what.

I was on Instagram the other day, perusing. And Janus knows how to throw hands. Because I've got a little, I'm snappy now. You're snappy. Yeah. You got a little flare to it. Your rhythm looks nice. And I said to Sergio, I said, Janus is looking good.

And Sergio said, I'll still knock that motherfucker out. Yeah. Sergio knows that I. like I like to work out but I also like learning it. Right. So with Sergio, we'll get in the ring a lot. Yeah. And Sergio will like to tune up my body.

Right. And we've spoken about that lots of times. Yeah. And I just take pride in the fact that I don't make as much noise as I did the first time I got in. Yeah. If you look at the fourth video in the lounge life, that's just a man who has mental illness. That's just what it is. So what you see is just a man who's got mental illness.

You're doing that from the parking lot. of the boxing gym, right? Yeah, it's just what it is. Your hair's a nightmare. You're wearing your wife's sunglasses, and it's very funny content, but you aren't just witnessing someone who's in the throes of mental illness.

Because we are a couple of guys who make no mistake about it are tilted. We're tilted like the Earth's access. Because we're tilted, I'm really excited because I'm going to Colonial Williamsburg this week. I'm excited. I'm a grown man.

My family does not want to do this, but I want to throw on a colonial outfit. I want to throw on a red coat and I want to get a bayonet and I want to be a part of the reenactments that they do in colonial Williamsburg. Now, I don't know. You're going to all these doctors now, longevity doctors, ankle doctor. When are we going to throw a neuroscientist on the list? Well, when are we going to check the roof? And I'm not just talking about the feelings and thoughts.

I'm talking about when are we going to take a look at the machine. Yeah, you want to take a peek, right? I want to take a peek at the machine that causes the chaos. You want to see what's going on in there. I want to see what's firing up there. You want to be. Because I think your synapses might be going, yes, yeah. They might be a ya-snap going on to there.

Yeah. You, because you do have a touch of the tism. I do a little bit. You take pictures outside of every state capital. You're going to Colonial Williamsburg with Glee and Joy. Yeah. Not out of obligation to teach your children history. You want to go out of Glee and Joy.

And it's one of those things where it's like, it's not like my wife is dragging me there making up this vacation like most men's wives do. This is me doing all this. This is me. And then Jasmine actually said to me today, she's like, why are we driving eight hours? Yeah. Like, why wouldn't we take a flight there? Like, it's eight hours.

I said, because part of the joy and fun is just being on the road. And she's like, yeah, but we have little kids. They're not after three hours. We're going to be like, why are we doing this? Yeah, that's usually that goes. The amusement park, Bush Gardens is fun. She's like, but we're only doing that one day. The other four days you're making is going colonial walking tours.

kids in the car are a fucking nightmare unless they fall asleep. I made one video of my daughter just repeating over and over again. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there? And she did it for like 20 minutes. Yes. I mean,

because my kid in a car seat for eight hours is going to be rough. That's rough. But we've done it before. We'll do it again. And I, yeah, I do, it has really kind of set in though where when we get down there,

see a lot of the times on the vacations that we go on, like I took my family to Philadelphia and went a double-decker bus tour and I was the only one having fun. So a lot of times I'm the only one having fun. Yeah, it's because your mom, your mom, she inculcated you with that. Right. She took you on those history tours.

But why don't my kids like it then? Well, because I just don't. Glucose is still down. I just think maybe, I think your mom, did your mom always like history or did she notice a touch of the tism? That's a good point.

She might have noticed a touch of the tism. You might have been doing it for you. But now I realize that. that a lot of the places she took me to when we were kids like Lancaster, Pennsylvania, or, you know, the Amish country, Colonial Williamsburg, which just maybe places to get away from my father. That might have been actually where it was, it had nothing to do with history. It's just, oh, you won't look here. Right.

And also, didn't we have a little maybe suspicion that maybe she had an Amish boyfriend for a second? Well, she did keep telling me we were on an Amish horse and buggy tour a few years ago, how handsome our driver was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She like, maybe she just had a thing for the Amish. She did. And she didn't. She has multiple times when we went to visit Santa with the kids say that the Santa is handsome. And it's been different. So she does like guys with beards. She likes guys with beards. She likes a manly guy. She likes a manly man who that was not my father. Yeah. And that is not me. Because, yeah, if you went on plenty of fish, you might see seeking Jebediah. It's what it is. Zechari. My name is. My name is lit. I'm from Queens. Yeah.

And I'm just searching for my Jebeda. Now, let me ask you this, because are you not going on any vacates with the family? Why are you holding it like a guy who just had to smoke cigars? Because when my glucose gets low, I start to act weird. No, we are probably going to do a little something. But to be honest with you, the kid's a little financially strapped right now. It's what? A kid's a little.

Why? Because I just put things in my backyard that costs a little bit more than I thought they were going to cost. It's just what it is. And once you start the process, you're just kind of hooked into it. Yeah, so you got to get back on the road. I got to get back on the road. I'm a little strapped right now. So you can't do a vacation.

But your wife is okay with that. My wife's okay with that. I mean, it looks like I'm going to have to dip into my stocks. Right. Yeah, it looks like about it. So I'm waiting for an update. It's just what it is. I'm waiting for an update.

Yeah, I've got some quotes from some landscapers, etc. And I'm just saying, What are they trying to hit you for 50 grand? No, they're not trying to hit me, but it's an additional trying to hit me for 15. Yeah, fuck down. Yeah, we're ready way over. I had to clear the rocks after. I mean, it's just once they, this is what they do is once they got you, you're in.

And then they just start adding stuff that's not in the original contract. That's what they do. Because Tim Dillon came by my house the other day and he was, you know, he knows all about the real estate stuff. And he was like, the thing is with contractors, he told me, he was like, they're going to tell you to do this. You need a stone pathway. And all those things. Everything that he said, the contractors have already suggested because the contractor's thing is, Any idea you come up with is a good idea to them.

They're like, you should do that. We can make that work. They're never going to be like, why would you need that? Why would you need to add an archway? But if I said, oh, we want to add an archway, we can do that. And then it's another 10 grand to the bill. Because I just got some breathable linens my wife wanted on Quinn. I love Queens.

It's the best quince. I got, you know what's crazy? I have a comforter on Quince. I'm telling you, I slept in it the other night, Jazz put it on. And I woke up and I felt. felt like I slept so good. I was like, this is the most comfortable comfort I've ever gotten. I literally thought she spent like $500 on. I thought it was one of those like goose down feather one. She said, babe, I got that at Quince. The only problem with Quince is

once you start shopping on Quinch like I do, you don't shop anywhere else. I don't, I think Quince is the web, Quince and Pornham by the website they go to the most of my phone. Yeah, I mean, quince is a real, it's just an all in one. The quality is so good. This is just when you're promoting a product that you know is quality. You just say, hey, go check it for yourself. Full endorsement from both of us. I love it. Yeah, right now, uh, you can get linen pants, shirts are breathable, easy to throw on. And summer, uh, summer clothes that upgrade your rotation starting at just $34 bucks. Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. 50 to 80% less. I mean, come on. They work directly with ethical factors and they cut out the

middleman so you're paying for exceptional quality, not brand markup. Right now, mark your summer wardrobe, here, go to quince.com slash hyenas for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada 2. That's QI-N-C-E dot com slash hyenas for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash hyenas. Because there is a new video game out called Supremacy World War III. It is a modern military grand strategy game developed by Twin Harbor interactive, part of the Stillfront group. Yeah, I hope they have the same teams as World War II, because I know which team

I'm picking. Yeah. They got real team, multiplayer, across a persistent global map. No two matches are ever the same. Modern military units, stealth aircraft, ballistic missiles, submarine, cyber warfare, diplomatic depth, treaties, betrayals, cooperative alliances drive the meta echoing

the kind of geopolitical chess. The world is watching right now. It sounds like a really fun game. They sent us a little to play it a little bit. Yeah, we loved it. And I really loved it. World War III as a free-to-play grand strategy game set in a realistic modern

conflict scenario at a time when global headlines feel like a strategy briefing. This game lets you engage with those dynamics from a position of control. Real-time multiplayer, modern military units, diplomatic depth. I mean, because from soup to nuts, you could get what it feels

like to have the rush of saving a world. With the world feeling like it's on a knife edge right now, I want to It's something that let me actually think through those dynamics, and Supremacy World War III scratches that itch. It is amazing, and I want to give you guys a promo code right now. Jesse, where is it? How do we give him a discount for this?

Yeah, download Supremacy World War III for free. Oh, yeah. And see if you've got what it takes to dominate the global battlefield. There's a link in the show notes. Just go down. Check out the description. And a QR on screen right here if you're watching on video. If you download the game via our link, we will get you an exclusive starter pack containing the elite bomber seasonal unit, which has a value of $25 U.S. dollars.

It's an offer valid for the next 30 days. It's available on browser and mobile. Pick your nation and start commanding today. Like this guy, he added these two very expensive trees. Right. Like I think they're called Japanese Maple. And then I saw, like, they were like $1,500 a piece. Yeah.

And so I was like, hey, why don't we lose the Japanese maples because of World War II and because I'm American? Yeah. What are we doing with Japanese maples? Why don't we put in some American freaking cherry trees in that? I'll tell you what, though, the Japanese maples are super cute. So you're going to keep that? No, I took them off. Right.

For financial reasons. But they are super cute. They are fucking super cute. Well, I know about Japanese maple because I have a Japanese maple in front of my house that was there, you know, the old owners planted it. Yeah. And it's gorge. They're not cheap, the Japanese makers.

No, I had in front of my house and I made a stupid mistake, I had the, um, these big, like blossom, uh, boxwoods, boxwoods, I think. And there were these huge plants that I was like, oh, they're so overgrown, blah, blah, but then when we took them out, which costs money, we realized it's because it was hiding all these problems with the house. Like there's cracks in the foundation and the sewage system is there. And so now when you come to my house, it just, There's just piles of mud everywhere.

And the contractor's like, why did you take out those boxwoods? That's what was hiding at all. And I'm like, because the gardener didn't stop me. He was like, I'll take him out because he was just making money. He doesn't, the thing is, is like, why do you take out? Boxwoods are cute. And I don't know why we took him out. Yeah.

Because we were just being fucking idiots. Yeah, boxwoods are fucking cute and they're not cheap either. No. And they provide you with year-round green. So when the spring and the summer comes, your colors can pop against the green backdrop. I had that. I had them in the back. Yeah.

Which is now looks like just an open void, and I had them in the front, and I don't know why we took them out. Should not have to take out the box. So now we're going to have to, I want to actually put them back in, and I know it's going to cost money, but it's like, what are we going to do here? What are you going to do? I wouldn't sell the house is what I'm going to do. That's what you want to do. I actually, I think what I heard was on my property. There used to be six Japanese maples.

They're so cute. But the previous owner was an old World War II veteran, so he would sleepwalk at night, go out there and he'd shoot him. It's what it is. So he cut him down. Did you really buy your property from an old WW2? Yeah, and he would have PTSD flashbacks. He would go and he would attack the Japanese maple. Guy, isn't this wild that to think about like your house, same with my house, same with most of our houses, is like there are memories, there are family, but an entire other family spent their whole life there.

Yeah. Right? Isn't that weird? Like an entire other family was raised in your house. Yeah, yeah. Like somebody else looks at your house because I haven't experienced this yet. The house that I grew up and still my mother owns it. But when she wants to sell it, I'm going to look at that house and be like, oh, I can't go in that anymore.

Is that like a bizarre thing? It is weird to think that like two of the toilets in my house, my ass cheeks and the previous owner's ass cheeks, we have, there's DNA of his ass on my ass. That's every toilet in my house. I have DNA on his ass. Right. I mean, on my ass. I had his DNA. His piss was cleaned off that toilet.

Yeah. And I've sat on that toilet. It's still the same toilet. It's just what it is. It's just what it is. I got to be honest with you, if I sold this house, I'm only doing one thing for the future and one thing only. That's either renting.

And if it's not renting, I'm doing a little thing called New Construction. I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not caretaking a fucking house. My house is so old. It's like taking care of an old person. What I like about you that's really fun is the problems that you have. you seek solutions that cause worse problems. Yeah.

That's what I like about you. Yeah. You go, somebody will go, here's a solution to that problem. And you go, no, no, no. That solution comes with no worse problems. I want the one that causes me worse problems. So instead of being in a house that's already built that I'm already living in that my kids already go to school.

And I want to move into a new construction. Yeah. But in the same town. In the same town, but a new construction. Guys, do you know what kind of nightmares would come with a new construction? What's the name you're in with a new construction? You got to get it inspected. You got to make sure the contractors are rep the car.

You got to make sure that there's a no, no, no. I don't want to build it. I want somebody else to build it and then I'll come swooping and buy it. Oh, okay. So I'm just turned, I want to turn key. Yeah, okay, okay. Well, in a small place. I don't want, I want somewhere half the size.

I want to, I want to get my family of five and a two betty. It's not a really good time for new constructions. Why? Because not a lot of people buying houses. Yeah. Is now a good time to sell? Now is. Not a bad time to sell because it's less.

competition, right? I think, but the interest rates are up? But at your price... Interest rates up? They're pretty steady. What are they? Five, six, Jesse? But at your, but at your price

point, I don't think it's a problem because the people who can afford to live where you live are going to be able to pay. Right. Yeah. Yeah, I just want to get out. Just want to get out. How does the family feel about you getting out? The family, um, I think, I think over the years my family has just been beaten down by

all this. They don't care anymore. I think they'll just say, do whatever you want. I don't care. See, now here's an interesting thing. We're talking about that. Yeah, my glucose goes up when I start to talk about that. Yeah, you got to get it off your chest is what it is.

But I've been low at 57, guy. Yeah. We're going to get you back up. Don't worry. It's nothing a couple of no-no's slices can't fix. Is that what we're going to do no-no? We're going to do zucchini. What are we going to do?

We're going to do no-no's big. We're going to get that little cut out. We're going to get that fucking sugar right back up. Yeah, because then a week or no? Because I got to stay here until about 8 o'clock tonight to go pick up. my stepson, are we going to take a walk on Shore Road? We're going to take a fucking walk on Shore Road. We're going to take a walk up to Beirut.

And we're going to do a little reconnaissance. Yeah, because here's the deal. If we can't get a podcast studio in Tribeca, then we're coming back to Bay Ridge. And that's final. We're coming back to the Ridge. I'm done with fatty. Yeah.

Now, that video that I made on Instagram was about formerly fat people because I was just thinking. The lounge life. I just realized that I've never met a formerly fat person that I didn't really think was a great person. Right. Have you noticed that they're just like, they make you love them. They're just like great people. Great, yeah.

Like Josh Peck, when I hung out with Josh Peck. Oh, it was awesome. This is just a great guy. Great guy. Formerly fat people are just so fine. If they're currently fat, they're usually not in good spirits. No, they're usually not in good spirits. They're trapped in their body.

They're trapped in their body. When you're really fat like that, it's like you're wearing your mind on your body. Yeah. Like your mind, you're stressed out, like whatever. But formally fat, because you know what it feels like to be a real fat ass. Yeah. And now you've lost it. Because formerly fat people, too, they're not obsessed.

They don't have to have abs. They don't have to be muscular. They just have to not be fat. Yeah. And they're happy. And they've been through being ridiculed so they have empathy. They're like good people. They've also achieved things.

Yes. So they have that mixture of humility and confidence that's like perfect. Right. It's like they're just, I love, I think I only want to hang out with formerly fat people. With FFs, formerly fat people. Yeah. Because they've been through some. and they know what it's like to be teased.

Yeah. They know what it's like to smell for no reason. Yeah. Fat people smell for no reason. It's unfortunate. Just existing. It's just they move and they produce sweat. Yeah.

And it's hard to get to their ass to wipe it. Yeah. So they actually smell. But I gotta be honest with you. Yeah. A lot of times, like I would say over 90% of the time, I am putting in the search engine, fat women porn. You like that.

I like fat ladies. You do. I do. I like watching them have sex. I like having sex with them. You, because I think you. like whatever activates the tingle.

It's what it is and fat people activate the tingle. You like to get the tingle activated. I like get the tingle activated and fatdies do it best. Fatdies can activate the tingle. I like faties. You like it because you just feel like they're happy to be there? Yeah, I think so. Because I'm thinking of one person who is so fat they unfortunately passed away.

It's what it is. Yes. See, I like this. Yes. See, I like these big fatties. Yeah. You're not into this. Well, the good thing about it is when they're that fat,

you can have an affair with them and there's a 50% chance that they'll pass away so you know they're not going to say anything. Yeah, it's just what it is. That's a good thing. I'd like to have sex with women who I know have worse cholesterol than me. Yeah. Jesse, you ever bang a fatty? Yes, I have. Nice.

I banged a fatty years back when Nate Bargatsy lived with Rich Aronovich and there was like four of them living in this hellhole in Queens. And I fucked a fatty on Rich Aronovich's bed and shit. She was a squirder. Does he know? Does Rich know this? Yeah, I think, yeah, I think, yeah, he does know. It was his, and it was just like a mattress. I can't believe people used to live like that.

When everyone was poor. That's how we were in the beginning of comedy. I mean, everybody had, I was roommates with Annie Leiderman and Mike Racine. Yeah, I remember Nate lived in one side of the living room, and then there was a curtain that separated his bedroom from Nick Novikis. Yeah. Yeah, so. See, Nick Novicki, who's a little person, it was easier for him.

He could just get comfy, wumphy anywhere. He could just get comfy, wumphy anywhere. He could. he would hop right in the sink he could hop right to see he was a little person yeah but it's just crazy that apartment I went in that apartment once

it was truly it was disgusting what year was that we're talking 2010 11 no this was earlier than that we're talking this was 2006 oh so then I wasn't in that apartment 2005 six who was it Nate Nate Rick Charonovich

Nick Novicki and I think one of the Schafen maybe maybe maybe Dustin Schaffin You remember where it was and everything? It was in Queens somewhere. Astoria, probably. Probably Astoria was in Queens.

It was disgusting. Like when you would go in, it was... It was just like, yeah, but it was crazy how normal that was. But think about it because it was probably four guys splitting a one betty. Yeah, it was. Right? And Rich Aronovich had the room. He had the room.

He had the room. Because he paid the most. He probably paid the most. They moved into his apartment and they were paying him. It was just a disgusting. You would have to probably come up with like $200 a month only, right, right? For that because how much could that apartment be a month? Yeah.

And this was like, yeah, this was 2005, so the rents hadn't, like, exploded yet. And this was Queens. So, I mean, it was probably, yeah, they were probably paying a couple hundred dollars a minute. Do you remember the first day seeing Nate Bargotsie meeting him? Yeah, I remember. What was it? Where was it? I met him for the first time at New York Comedy Club.

24th Street? Yeah, the original New York Comedy Club where they used to have the side room where, do you remember that? The side room, yeah. So do you remember the side room with the pipe? There was a heating pipe that you could put. put your hand on. Like it was so low that you could lean on it. And it would be scalding

hot. And it would be fucking scalding hot. So there was times where I'd lean on it and forget because you're performing. And it was also such a thin room that like the mirror was in front of you. And the people who were in the audience in the front were like they were like as close as you already right now. So you'd have to

perform like this way. And so we were doing a show. We were doing one of Dustin Chafin shows there. And that's where I met him for the first time. And then we just would get really plastered to a lot after that. We would get drunk. So you started out doing Dustin Schafein shows. Justin Chafin shows. This is 2005? 2005. Yeah. It's where I really, you know, I did comedy. I did a few stand-up sets. Um, and then I quit. So I didn't, I didn't really start comedy until

like 2006. Do you ever want to just go back in time and live in that time again? I think about that a lot. No, because me and Jesse lived in a rent control department that literally cost us $300 each. We had to build it ourselves. We had to rip up floor that had asbestos. We're both going to die from that renovation job. But I tell you what,

Jesse's got a strong fucking back. He does, yeah. He was able to carry wood doors by himself. He was able to do all the shit, like figure out how to screw

the things in because his dad's a carpenter. Right. And you just couldn't figure that out. Well, I did the painting. Like, I did all the things I could, but he was always better at it. But we lived in a shit hole. It was a converted.

You know what Janice like to do? He liked to decorate. Decorate. He liked to decorate. He liked to decorate. He liked to decorate. Yeah. Decorate.

This guy, every time I'd come home, there'd be, like, pictures in different places. Yeah. He'd spend all day moving shit around. I was just, I would move painting. Like, you had a fish head. Yeah, I had a vision. And looking back, it was just a shitty. You ever see the apartment?

No, you have pics of it? There's a video. Yeah, we did the Marisa video in there. But you could put up the slanket video with me and Nate. It's in our living room. It was a shithole. We painted the floors black. They were wood floors.

We painted them black. Why did you paint them black? Because they were so beat up or whatever. They look kind of cool, black? We made it look as like best as you can for a couple of guys. This is the one that was on Fifth Street, right? On Sixth Street. It was on Sixth Street.

And we had roaches, do the roach prop. And then our bathroom stuff just put in slanket. Slank it? Yeah. Oh, that was the name of one of the sketches? Yeah, you'd have to go. It was way back. Yeah, put in slank it.

Maybe it'll just pop up. So my friend Gary Clegg invented the slanket. and then the snuggy came along and stole his idea and just blew up. Here it is. Look, so that was our apartment. This is 17 years ago. Yeah, let's watch it. Yeah.

Let's watch it. So that's Nate with his slanket. We did this as a commercial for the slanket. But this is real. This was a real product. Yeah, yeah, it was a real product. Who's that? That's me.

With an afro? Yeah, I just had a lot of hair. The decoration was done. by me. With Jesse's paintings. My dad and Jesse's paintings. Wow, look at Nate. Nate looks like the handsomest

kid with Down syndrome at the school. Was that a fart? Yeah. Did you do this, Jesse? Did you film this? We sat there all day. Watch the Vanderbuket. Like just doing regular stuff?

Yeah. It was a time lapse video. All day. Look at that TV. It's a TV. tiny apartment, Cuts. I was very small. Were you actually sleeping?

Yeah, I fell asleep. What were you watching? Do you remember? Sports all day. And then we played video games. Summer, winter, do you remember? I know you want to. Wow, handsome kid. You still have that Yankees hat, cugs.

Yeah. We played Madden or something. It's actually not a bad commercial. That would work today because it's like lo-fi. We were so ahead of the curve. Yeah. But I mean, you think about it like, you know, if you were ahead of the curve back then, you could be ahead of the curve now,

whatever idea you have. Well, yeah, that's very true. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, what do you think, what could be ahead of the curve now? I think ahead of the curve now, I think it's going to be like what the, I think traditional entertainment is, you know, I think it's over. Out of here.

I think it's totally over. I think it's totally over. It's too saturated, right? Even yesterday I was looking, I was just looking around for stuff. And I was like, Jesus, there was all these shows, Seth Rogan was, I've never heard of it. Like, this is unheard of. Like, it's like unheard of that you're like, oh my God, a show with Seth Rogan, I've never even heard of it. There's just just show you go to Apple.

It's just so much. So everything, because everything is so widespread, technology is so ubiquitous and so cheap. You follow the technology, right? So the radio was the big thing when the radio was around. and then the TV came around and killed the radio, then cable TV came and killed network television, and then the internet came and killed the studios. So, I mean, the technology is coming as AI.

So in some way, using AI is going to do, like they're going to make movies with AI with really good scripts. So movie stars and things like that. Nobody cares that Matt Damon's in the honesty. This is how you can. Isn't that wild? Yeah, so this is how you can see the shift already. Is it used to be Matt Damon,

Matt Damon in the Odyssey, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. It used to be they would talk about the movie star starring in. Now everyone leading up to and now is talking about Christopher Nolan. It's all about Christopher Nolan. So you can already see the shift back to that sort of Shakespearean time where actors don't matter. Right. You know, like nobody even talks about, I haven't seen one thing talking about Matt Damon. It's actually pretty interesting.

That is interesting. He's starring as audicious. All the online chat. around the Odyssey is about Christopher Nolan and whether it's woke, it's not woke, how great it is. Most people are saying how great it is. Not one person has said Matt Damon has, I've never seen one post saying the star's name. He plays fucking audacious in this. Right.

And nobody's mentioning them. So it just shows you that movie stardom, fame. And even, even I've seen a lot of the promo I've seen has been on podcasts or Instagram stuff. I saw like the Boston kids who do like the deli thing, like Tommy something. something like very funny kids. So my thought with that when I saw them when I saw Matt Damon and Casey Affleck do like a promo for The Odyssey with that, I'm like, oh, they're coming down. You know, these big movie stars have to do the promo for, you know, like they have to do it. You know, they're not sitting on the couch of the tonight show anymore. Now they're coming into a deli

in Boston and doing some lo-fi stuff. That's going to make, not their credibility, but just this whole mirage of like these big famous actors in the towers. They have to come out of their towers now and come down to the people, that's going to have a, that's going to have a seismic shift over years. Well, yeah, I mean, it's, they're not even coming down anymore. They're just going to the new towers because when you look at the eyeballs and you look at the numbers and you look at the money behind it, it's just now culminated where the towers have changed. So like, what about like ditch films though? Like, what would be ahead of the curve now? Like if you were starting out, what would you be doing? The only thing I know is that AI is the new technology. So whatever it's going to be, it's going to be

attached to AI. I know that fame is completely. not what it used to be. In other words, you got pushed and became visible. And you were one of a bunch of people who were visible. And through that visibility, you had leverage. Right. You don't have leverage through visibility more because it's so anything that increases in quantity decreases in quality.

It's supply and demand. Yeah. So there's so many visible people now that you're one of hundreds, hundreds of thousands of visible people does not ensure that that's going to bring money. to you. What ensures money to you is dedicated niche listenership. Because everything is so saturated, dedicated niche listenership, carving out a niche for yourself. Because the viewer has the power now. Right. The viewer chooses what to watch. It used to be they pushed in front of you something and told you it was good. And it made a lot of money a lot of times. Even it wasn't good just by virtue of

the fact it was one of eight movies being released. Right. So you would see one of eight movies and it would make money and they'd get close to their bottom line. Now things can horribly tank. Yeah. I mean, what you would call it? The Rock movies tank. The Stephen Spielberg movie tanked. Oh, the age of disclosure.

Compared to its budget. Yeah. Back in the day, if it was one of 10 movies released in June or July or the blockbuster season, it would make its money. It would get back. It wouldn't have. Now they have to sell. I mean, it's already on Amazon.

You can rent it. Right. I mean, it was out for like a month. Yeah. It was just no. demand for it. Nobody wanted it. And this was a movie about extraterrestrials. It had all that juice about disclosure from the White House. It couldn't have had bigger promo. It's a great example actually to show you how old PR and old visibility rules just don't apply anymore. No, no. It's dedicated

listeners because. And that's what we have here at the Patreon, baby. The dedicated listeners. And you build your own thing. So I think the future is kind of in my mind going from having your little network, your little speedboat, and then translating that to different things. But you've known this for years though. I've known. This isn't, this isn't brand new. I knew it. You knew, how long did you really know this? And I want to keep hearing you

say it because you keep saying niche listenership. You say niche, and then you can't say listenership, you say niche listenership. So I want you to hear you say it again. It's actually funny too, because when you leave your niche, they reject you like the Jews did Jesus. It's so funny. Like they hate you.

They want you to stay here and be a They want everyone to stay in their thing. Have you noticed that, though? Like, whenever someone leaves to be like on something else, like, right? Like, like, let's say, what's his name? I don't know. There's the guy who's like, he's like the gay, Chris Leib, but he's straight and he's like very liberal or whatever.

Jonathan Van Ness. Whatever his name is. But if, like, you saw, if he cannot, he cannot do Theo Vaughn's podcast. I mean, it's really funny. Yeah. It's really, like, he cannot have Tony Hinchcliff on his podcast. You understand what I'm saying? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like it's become this thing where you're like, stay in your fucking house. Do it. Like everyone is ordered by the people. The people are so mad at each other that they've ordered everyone back to their rooms. And they don't understand if you're in a different room. They get very fucking upset about it. They go, how could you do that? Yeah.

How could Nate Barkenzie? How could you go watch that event? Like, how could you do that? Yeah. Like, he didn't say anything. he was just sitting there It's like how could you go out Like once you go on Saturday Night Live

Once you go like on Jimmy Kimmel It's like you cannot be seen at a UFC match Because that's where Theo Vaughn goes Yeah It's this very funny thing So I don't know what that means I don't think it's good I don't think it's bad it's a thing

But I think what the these guys are doing Is Bobby Lee and Santino They create a game show Yes That's something interactive They can do live Yep, very smart of that. And they, but, but nobody gave them money for that.

They invested their own money. Yeah, yeah. So I think things like that. I mean, it's, that part is very clear that it's like dedicated fans. You just build the thing. Yeah, I mean, I said it years ago, but it's clear. Like, there's nothing to get. You're not going to get anything from anything you get.

You got to build, you got to build it like a band, like bands used to. Yeah. Like, you know, when before the, well, the good news is, too, is like, there's no reason why like this has to like this can go for 20 more years of course why why would it stop i mean but rogan's going like close to 15 already yeah yeah i don't even think it i don't even think the word gets out for a while i think it like it like takes a little while because it used to be like oh you can't keep doing a tv show like gray's anatomy is an anomaly but everything else got six seven seasons six or seven seasons now it's not that no because this is not uh plot driven it's personality driven yeah and now people

have seen the reason why you have these options you can be crazy this is how you get to attention now. You can be crazy. You can be, uh, you can have like massive takes. Right. People are into takes. Right. Crazy. And really good. That's it. So and like, not everyone's going to think you're good because those days are over. So it's like, that's it. Those are you through that's what, that's what, because the people choose. Right. The people can choose to tune in or choose not to tune in. Right. So they choose to tune in if you're one of those three. What do you, I mean, think about what we tune into. I see something crazy online. I'm like, I got a hate white. watch it, right?

If it's like Candace Owen saying like, did you turn invisible? I like, I'm glued to it, right? If it's a take, I'm like, I want to hear this person's take. Right. Or if it's something really funny or really good, then I'll tune into it. Everything else is just, you just swipe, you swipe. What is it, Jesse, tune in to tune out, drop out? Turn in, turn on, and drop out.

Tune in, turn on, and drop out. Yeah. Just like my glucose. I got to get pizza. But to answer your question, in conclusion, I knew at the, at Caroline's, I knew at Chris DeLea, he was the weekend before me. He told me that. That's when I knew.

That's when I knew. I was like, that's when he hit me. I was like, this is weird. That was well over 10 years ago. That was, when was that? That was 2011, 12. So that was 15 years ago. And then Fusion, when I'm there and nobody's watching, I'm like, oh, this is.

Yeah, so that's the thing. You think it just happened today, but 15 years ago it was feeling, it was a hominated now because now the ad money has completely shifted. So now, so now it'll go quick. Now, five years from now you won't see late night TV anymore. It'll be gone. Right. Yeah, it'll be gone.

and they'll be screaming, but it's just nobody's watching. All right, I love you. Here are the newest members of the matriarchy, starting off Team Ignorance Racing. Okay? Jamie Fernandez, Big Shrimpin, Gustav Lind, Keith, Josh Shrimpin, instead of Big Pimpin.

You like that. That one, I'm not going to let that slip by. That's a good old, that's a, you know what that is? It's a po' boy. That's a shrimp finger. That's a shrimp finger. That's a shrimp finger. It's a shrimp finger.

Oh, I want a poe boy now. Trevor Tango, Skeep-it-reel productions Skeep-it-skeep-it-reel. Okay. Jamester. African-American squeak. Call me three-fifths of a person.

It's what it is? Technically, what am I supposed to do? It's a contender if we just let comedy be comedy. Do you want to just let comedy be comedy? Yeah, I mean, put him on the list. I'm fine, put him on the list. What's the supposed to do? He's a black kid.

So he made the joke, yeah. All right. I, I, uh, no. It's good enough. Aaron Garman, Yanni Flyballs. Okay. Michael Febig, three things. I'm a grower.

I'm a shower, and I'm a liar. List it. List it. G. Niawadowski. Zach Jones. Michael D'emiko. Logan.

Battle with a titty-taddy on fat natties. Oh, batty with a titty-taddy on fat natties. Let's see him. Yeah. Leroy, because he was. Hope New York gets rid of the muzzi. It's a black kid who's not a fed of Mom Dami. Drew Blue for Tampa Tony's glue.

There you go. Jesus. Good. Alex Cohut. Loophole mommy fisted my rectonic plates and caused a gulami. A glumami. A glumami. He would, you were in the ballpark.

Yeah. You were in the ballpark with the glunami. You were in the ballpark. Patty La Puss. Patty La Puss. Nice chicken finger. Blasting high for Yanni's buys. Joseph Skinnelli.

Aaron Bonillas Diff between Grandma and Baby, Baby Die When FNA I don't get it Diego Suarez Elliot Page's Achilles heel is his clit

Okay Drexleret Yeah Glue my gun shut And watch me shoot out my butt Put him on the list Put him on the list Yeah

Yeah It's got to come out somewhere Befable Tim Butterfly with a tramp stamp Of a fat white girl Okay Kate Wallabin Dravid Graben

Need more Muzzy Coupons by Owls Head Park We We uh yeah Tickets called Muzzy Coupons Yeah It's one of the funniest things Owls Head Park

Bay Ridge Classic Yeah Very good Cutie Booty 88 Having a daughter In October Already stopped talking to Leroy's. Okay.

I don't get that. I don't know. Yeah. So he's having a baby in October. Well, I guess maybe she's, maybe it's the woman, the wife. Maybe she's pregnant. She's saying she's having a daughter in October, so she's already stopped talking to the black guys. Oh, I get it. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Love Chud's YouTube channel, all builders, no diggers. I don't know what that means. Emma Gritham, Steve, David, Juliana Strauss, Tyler. Which peptide makes my asshole tighter? List it Okay Yeah, list it

Kids searching He's searching for which one Yeah He's asking advice He wants to know CCPW AK Tucker cocked him some She tongue punched my shitbox

Now I'm in love That happens Lane Marsh Kyle Chapman B Hammond Brandon Pepper SF Ran a train on my Asian GF

Call it the Panda Express I mean It's really good Put him on the Put it on fucking, I mean, yeah, maybe we were just being a little too sensory. I mean, these people are going for jokes. They're going for jokes. We're having fun here.

That's a comedy show. It's a comedy show. Yeah. Abraham Boozogaloo. Yanni couch fucker. Peter Malley. Colleen Gough. Israel wall kisser.

Israeli wall kisser. It's real funny. Drexler. Matt, Lauren Winfield, Colton Hall. They do kiss the wall. Yeah. The J.PGA, call that frisbee golf. Wait, what?

Oh, the PGA, like the JPGA. Right. Call that frisbee golf. Griffin Boyd, Eric Mendez, Evan Cromwell, Kara, Liam Brian, throwing balls down tunnels called frisbee golf. Somalia at the World Cup, aka I patch Leroy's, have stolen messy.

Okay? Can't be screwed in if Donny T. takes all my employees. Jacob Comcoe $2 Carl Schallett Connor Durkin Bobby Lee's widescreen

porn collection Off GLP ones fell off the beam started craving Leroy's man cream Quote The greatest He never pulled

Was convincing the world They weren't the devil himself Jaime Soze Yeah Jaime Soze Yeah It's pretty good

Yeah Drexler Chrissy's death star yearns for white clones Netanyahu is my gyro, Michael Bain, Nelson G, Get Real, Pastor Nack, Levi, Jordan, Eric Erkart, taking my hot wheels for a ride through the stinking tunnel. Joshua Ross, Provolone, Malone, Wyatt slurping up glue, call me $3 bill.

I know he went with the Wyatt Earp. Good try. Yep. And just like the Hot Wheels won is Stinking Tunnel as he's sticking cars in his ass, right? That's really good. Alan Seduski, Christ, 1988, 1989. Prozac, no suey, prozac, no gluey, oh, what to doy. Kenneth Deval, make no mistake, because I go pewing, even peying young yang.

I want to blow Janice's back out. Call me the gyropractor. Whoa. Yeah. Whoa, gyropactor. That's a good Drexler. Jeremy Luke Timerson, and then last but not least, Yon he shot himself for attention and now was stuck with a stupid x-ray story.

I don't know. Yeah, because I told the story about the x-ray. Yeah. Okay. All right. Here's the list. Imagine I just shot myself for a story. African American squeak. Call me three-fifths of a person. Three things. I'm a grower. I'm a shower. I'm a liar. That's just funny. Which peptide makes my asshole tighter. Or ran a train on my Asian GF. Call it the Panda Express.

Okay. Most inventive is the Panda Express. Right. But funny factor. We're going to directs to that. Okay. Any other day, really. noteworthy. Okay. I think three-fifths We're also good of Drexler.

Okay. Again. And I'm going to say, thank God we're Drexlering both of those. Yeah. Now, it's between three things. I'm a grower.

I'm a shower and I'm a liar or which peptide makes my asshole tighter. Just those two, right? Those are the two good ones. Two good ones. We do get this right. I like just the out of left field

of I'm a shower. I'm a grower. I'm a liar. Okay. I like that. Jesse's laughing the hardest that the peptide makes his asshole tighter.

Yeah. Yeah, I like the peptide one. I think we went last, I think they're both deserved to win. But maybe since last week we did a gay joke. What was Chris like? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we got, let's do it.

I'm just saying, what, that's my point of view. My point of view is now. Well, which peptide make my asshole tighter? I am, you know, starting. You would know the answer to that. Yeah, I would know the answer to that. I'm going to say the answer is going to be most likely for that. I'm going to go with the copper peptides.

It makes your skin tighter. That's G-H-K-U. I'm going to pick three things. I'm a grower, I'm a shower, and I'm a liar, just because I like a little misdirect. Yeah, it was a nice misdirection. All right, so you are the winner. Go to History Aeneas is Back.com. Three things.

I'm a grower. I'm a shower. I'm a liar. You are this week's P-PW pseudopinets of the week. We are here every week for you. Like and subscribe to the YouTube. Patreon.com slash history hyenas. We've got episodes over there.

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