History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - King Louis XIV - The Original Influencer

Episode Date: March 13, 2025

Let’s take you back to Bourbon-ruled France for the tale of Louis XIV. He was an opulent king who ruled with a watchful eye for 72 years. He spent lavishly, hosted extravagant parties, and turned his reign into a grand spectacle in the burbs at Versailles where he forced everyone to live. His life was as public as that of a modern-day streamer. While his rule strengthened the monarchy and kept the nobility under his control, the common people bore the burden of heavy taxation. Though he died decades before the French Revolution, his policies contributed to the economic and social tensions that ultimately led to the uprising. Was he hood fo France or bad? Tune in and let the boys know! Support our sponsors Start your free online visit today at https://Hims.com/HYENAS. Head to https://acorns.com/HYENAS or download the Acorns app to get started. Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code HYENAS at https://Mandopodcast.com/HYENAS! #mandopod #comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://teespring.com/stores/historyhyenas Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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O'Henry, O'Henry. Cuz listen, you're just in a manatee maderny cuz make absolutely no mistake, you're King Louis XIV in this century. I am. Because you had childhood trauma too, you got shot, and then what did you do? You threw on a wig and high heels.

And you started prancing around. And you also have anal fistulas and feuds! So you're the same as King Louis XIV, it's just we kept you in line a little bit. What's up everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Chris DeStefano, aka Chrissy Haircuts with me as always. Janis Papas, aka Yanni T-Shirts and Jesse Fingerpaint and Scoop Taro is off to the, one's and two's off to the side. Today we have a wild episode about King Louis XIV, known as the Sun King. Make no mistake, he's a wild boy and you're going to want to listen to the whole thing. Yeah, there's a wild boy, and you're gonna wanna listen to the whole thing.

Yeah, there's a lot of Louis. There was just a lot of Louis. Yes. I think at the end of the day, it ended up being 16 Louis, but just everyone's trying to imitate Rome, right? With the Caesar, they just called him Louis, but his name was probably something else, but they just kept calling him Louis over and over again.

Well, I think the kid's actual real name was Louis de Arunde. I don't know, He actually was a Louis. Here's the truth is I don't what I love learning about French history, but I don't know what they're saying ever. I need them to speak English. Yeah, you need to speak English and the thing is they won't. They will not speak English. They're the only ones that won't. No, I had to watch all the subtitles because they just won't make English documentaries about Louis.

They just won't speak English because they're fucking fucks. The French people just, they're very arrogant about their thing. And listen, here's the situation. You'd be speaking German if it wasn't for the Hardy Boys. Yes, it's, yes. Just don't forget about that. Now here's the thing, King- So just give me the croissant.

I'm not going to pronounce it croissant. Yeah, give me a croissant. Just give me the croissant. Yeah. I'm not gonna pronounce it croissant. Yeah, give me a croissant. Just give me a croissant and give me some cheese. Yeah, and don't, and if you keep acting the way you're acting, don't make me change the baguette to an F. Yeah. Yeah, they just-

I'll do it. They're very arrogant about their culture, but they got nice culture, but you know what- They got nice culture. They say their food is good, but they eat snails. Yeah, here's the thing, I gotta be honest with you. Let me be honest and honest with you, it's gonna be a great episode, but I first need to start this episode off

by being honest with you. I went to Paris, and I liked it. I was there for two days, all I ate was Italian food. All I ate was Italian food, because I gotta be honest with you, I don't understand French food, it's too small. Yeah, yeah, it's too small, and they put the escargotes, they look like little muffins.

Yeah. So they look like those tiny little muffins and they can trick you, you go, I'm gonna have a muffin. And then you just put a snail in your mouth. Yeah, that's the thing is I had escargot and I said, can I get these toasts with butter? And they looked at me and they're like,

what are you talking about? I thought they were just muffins. Yeah, and you're like, can I get a bagel? And they're like, it's a baguette. Yeah, baguette. You're like, just give me a bagel, all right? Yeah. Just give me a bagel.

And I thought when you started saying all you saw, when you said all you, I thought you were going to say all you saw was Muslims. Well, I was going to say- Because a lot of them in Paris. I was going to say I went to Paris, or I like to call it the Caliphate. I mean, wherever you look, and that's fine. By the way, I shout it out. Fine, it's great. Love Muzzy's. We love him. Love him, love him, love him. But I'm just, it's a little, it is overwhelming. Yeah. It is. It is overwhelming. Yeah. Where I said, you know, I thought I was going to Paris. I didn't know we were seeing a live

Aladdin musical. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, listen, there's the guys, they're ready for sports. Like, listen, just if you're, if you're, like I said, if you're a frisbee, just get out there, take the things off and play frisbee. Yeah. If you're a muzzy, just take the thing off, and you can be in the bull rink. Just take it off, and then get the bull. You got it. Have a little fun.

Have a little fun! And by the way, shout out French people. I mean, I was watching that Netflix documentary Court of Gold about the United States men's basketball team. The French team is good. Yeah, the French team. They are very good. Yeah, because they got a lot of mobs.

Yeah, they do. Yeah, whatever country's got mobs is gonna be D's. Yeah, it's just, here's the thing, you go to some of these European countries, and if you're just born a mob, they just got a lot of mobs. Yeah, they do. Yeah, whatever country's got mobs is gonna be deese. Yeah, it's just here's the thing you go to some of these European countries and if you're just born a mob they just put you on the basketball court. That's just what they think. So unfortunately it's just the truth. Yeah, they're very good and that was a great document. Team Canada is amazing too. Team Canada, again, mobs. Mobs. Yeah. Here's a nice little stat I didn't know. The United States dream team, that amazing 1992 dream team, they only played against

nine professional NBA players combined in the Olympics. There was only other nine players that they played against scattered throughout teams. Canada as a team has nine NBA players. Pretty wild. Yeah, the world has really come up. And also, the Slavs are very good. They are. The Serbians are good and the Germans are good now.

Everyone's good. The Greeks are good.bians are good, and the Germans are good now. Everyone's good, the Greeks are good, Italians are good. Everyone's playing basketball. I mean, listen, the guy that won the slam dunk contest three years in a row, I mean, was a white guy that's 6'2". If you told me that I was gonna grow up in a world where that was the slam dunk champion three times in a row with amazing dunks and the best running back in the NFL was white, I would've told you

that you're living in another universe, because when I grew up, that was just not the white man's Yeah, cuz I mean that kid that won the slam dunk contest. I mean, he literally looks like he's an electrician I mean literally goes and dunks over cars and he goes back to local 3. Yeah Mac McClugg shout out Mac McClugg. All right, here we go. Listen, here's the thing about King Louis the 14th You know him as the Sun King. He created the Palace of Versailles, all that stuff, we'll explain that. But I mean, the kid was the longest reigning monarch of all time, including Queen Elizabeth. Did you know that?

Yeah. I mean, the only person who's had a long reign is King James. Right. 22 years in the NBA. Oh, LeBron. Yeah. Yeah. He's still going.

And Louis, yeah, Louis is the longest running king. And he, he was the one who really kind of took that divine right of Kings thing to the maximum. He was like, I am the God King. And then the Catholics were like, you can't say that. And he was like, fine, just call me a son, King. Here's the deal. I'll cut your head off. Unless you watch me take a shit. There's something nice. There's something nice about, if I gotta be honest, there's something nice about respecting the power back then where if you didn't listen, or you talked about me

in any way, shape, or form, I would behead you in public. I would get people to pay tickets to watch you, watch, people are gonna watch and cheer as I cut your head off, because you denounced my sovereignty, and I kinda gotta be honest with you, I like it. And I want a little bit of that to come back because I'm a kid that falls in line.

I'm a kid that will say, if you tell me you're going to cut my head off, guess what? I will go the opposite of what I said to offend you and I'll just go the other way. And I kind of like people paying attention to the rules a little bit more because now it's like, you know, I don't like that we, you know, I'm going to get a $17 egg wrap that charges $17 because they're telling

me they're getting the sweet potatoes from Montauk. You're lying. I don't like that there's an F America sticker on the thing where you put the credit card because they could just do that. I said, you know what? If King Louis XIV was in here, the Sun King, you would come in and he would be taking a shit and you would have to watch him take a shit, and his guards just mutilated you.

And I kinda like that. Yeah, then we used to have Steel Pipe Chrissy right there as Captain America Chrissy. Cause I'm C-H-C Captain America Chrissy. This is the stuff you might hear on the Daily Show if I decide to do it. Yes, yeah, I know what you're talking about. It is a nice way to get people to be nice to you.

If you're like, hey, you know what, I just want everyone to be nice to me. A good way to do that is just say, hey, if you're not nice to me, then I will cut your head off. There's something about, I used to talk about it on stage a lot, and I got to be honest with you, because the new material has been coming a little slower, so I'm starting to talk about it on stage again. What I'm doing now is not doing stuff from my last special, I'm doing stuff from two specials ago, because I'm doing now is not doing stuff from my last special, I'm doing stuff from two specials ago because I'm like they probably forgot. So

I'm just revamping it and saying oh this is a new idea but the truth is the kids just a little slow with this new material. So I'm doing stuff from my special from 2018. I used to talk a lot about how people just need to start getting punched in the face again because everyone feels a little too free and I stand by that and in this period if you really stood up to the king on the powers that be in this period, you're a real motherfucker. You are a real G because you're going to get disemboweled in front of your family in a public square in Paris.

And I respect that. Now you talk crap and say, F Trump, F Biden, whatever you want to say, there's no real repercussions. So you're not really a hero. These people back then were heroes. Yeah. Sounds like you were a fascist dictatorship. It's what my ancestry is, according to ancestry.com.

You just don't want the people to be able to speak. I kind of like silence. LAUGHS And I think what I'm going to do to test out my theories, I think I'm going to start close to home first and start it with my family. We're going to start running this house like I'm King Louis XIV and I'm gonna do to test out my fears and think I'm gonna start close to home first and start with my family Oh, we're gonna start running this house like I'm King Louis the 14th, and I'm the Sun King I'm gonna throw in a pair of jasmine tie heels

I got for you, and we're just gonna have a good time, and I'm gonna watch my family I'm gonna I'm gonna make my family watch me as I take a shit. Yeah. Yeah, well throw that puppy on throw these on So there we go. I should have got a third one for you Jess. I'm sorry Yeah, I mean look the frisbees got a good solution for male pattern baldness, and that was the frisbee, right? You put that thing on, it covers the bald spot. Yeah, come on. And King Louis, here's the thing, King Louis XIV, he was known for his famous, beautiful,

long-flowing, brown, curly-haired wigs, and he didn't... He started it as a fashion statement because people would follow what he did but it was really was hiding his male pattern baldness but when you look at pictures of him with that long flowing curly brown hair I mean the kid looked Puerto Rican so I'm into it yeah you looked like George Washington a little bit yeah I just look like this is just I probably look weird yeah you just look like a kind of like a wild just Park Slope artist. You look like Jesse in 10 years. Yeah, oh it's good.

Yeah. It's like the Handmaid's Tale. Yeah, I mean cuz but here's the thing. Here's the thing with King Louis is okay, so longest reigning monarch, call him the Sun King. The kid loved a lot of things that we love. Ballet, throwing on high heel shoes, hunting, banging massive amounts of toots. Oh, he was a real, real, real explorer.

I'm talking about the kid and there is no way with the amount of sex this man had, there's no way a couple of dudes didn't slip in. No, that's what they say. There's nothing on the books, but he did have a group of young dudes that hung out with him. He did have a couple of guys he He was really close to yeah, so speculation

I think when you get in that much puss-puss, right? I think you're gonna you're gonna go on the other side and just you just bored I think out of boredom he probably slipped in a couple of guys about especially when they have the wigs on sometimes you get confused Yeah, you just get like oh, I thought you were a girl and here's the thing Here's the thing with these kids is you wonder how they become, how they become who they are. Like first of all, look at his hairstyle. Yes, his hairstyle is wild. He's got a part in the middle. It looks like someone shot a shotgun right through the top of his hair. It looks like Moses parted his hair in the middle. His hair looks like a butt crack. His hair looks like hawkwigs.

And you know what's wild about him is he didn't really look exactly like this. He was the guy, he was so into vanity and loved himself so much, but really didn't like what he saw when he looked in the mirror or the reflection of a pond, whatever they had back in those days, is he would have all his royal artists, they would paint him, he could say his face could look alike, his face could look normal, but then they would always want him to be, he would always want to have muscular legs painted. So he would just have not his lower half, he hated his lower half, he was embarrassed about his butt and his legs, so he would just be fat on top, a fat face, fat upper top,

and then if you zoom out on the painting, he's just got beautiful legs. He looked like Ricky Henderson. Yeah, with beautiful high-heeled red shoes, and he would always have a picture of his fat upper top. And then if you zoom out on the painting, he's just got beautiful legs. It looked like Ricky Henderson. Yeah, with beautiful high-heeled red shoes, and he would always have a picture of his legs sticking out. So the kid just was kind of fun, and he was like most kings and queens, and this is just the truth,

and Yannis and I discovered this, they, most of them have leaky roots. Because they're all inbred. Look at, yeah. Look at his legs. Look at his hair, and look at, you guys have to go online and just Google Louis XIV. I mean, the guy's got high heels on, he's got stockings on, he's got a dress on up to his right below his

butt. And he's wearing a cape and then his hair looks like someone shot a shotgun right above his head. Now you have to keep in mind when you look at a picture like this, you have to keep in mind one thing about King Louis the 14th And I hope it comes back I hope it comes back because make no mistake I'm starting to get desperate enough while I have sex with myself So so because my family doesn't want it. They're not into my plan, right? So and I'll tell you about that on the patreon. Yeah, so um, so So King Louis the 14th when you look at a picture like this, and it's interesting, you know,

he's very regal, he's got whatever. Number one, when this portrait was painted, he has gangrene in one of his legs and he's slowly dying. And two, the kid only took three baths his entire life. Three baths. So he would walk around spraying cologne and perfumes on him and he would have a bag of like a scented perfume person that was around him 24-7, 365 because they believed in those days if you took a bath, that was what poor people did,

they thought one and two, that all infection will get in through the pores of your skin because when you bathe in water, it'll open up your pores. So somehow this kid lived 76 years only taking three baths so we know here at this show this kid definitely had fumes. Yeah fumes. I mean you know that's a it's a French stereotype and sometimes it's true I mean maybe but they do have a lot of sex they do have a lot of affairs. Maybe if you let the fumes free. Right.

Then you don't notice the fumes you get used to the fumes and then nobody has fumes. That's true too. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, I mean, you told me a thing, a little thing that I didn't know when we were talking before you told me that you told me that Versailles didn't have any public toilets or plumbing. I never think I fart in a wig.

Yeah. I mean, you know what's funny is back in that day, like there was dudes in wigs and they were farting. They were ripping it apart. That's what it is. They were just farting. There were dudes in wigs back then, they were just getting blowies from toots with wigs on. It's kind of a wild time, right? They were signing the Declaration of Independence. One of those guys had farted. 100%. There's somebody in that room that farted at least once, maybe multiple guys. Multiple times. Farted. Yeah. There could have been a guy just right in the middle of signing the constitution, just went, and went, sorry, I thought it was going to be silent.

And it came out like a baa. Yeah, with a full wig on. And then having sex with their wives, going home and leaving the wig on. It's just what it is. It's just what it is. But you told me that interesting fact about Versailles, how they didn't have only King Louis quarters had the... Only had a toilet.

Had the toilet, so people would take pisses and shits behind the curtains. They were shitting all over Versailles. Crazy right? Yeah they were shitting outside, they were shitting inside. Sometimes they'd have to take a shovel and go in and shovel the shit because people would go and shit behind the curtains just hide it. For real. Because there's 22,000 rooms in that thing.

Yeah because. So nobody, it's hard to get caught. There wasn't cameras and surveillance there and if you had to take a shit they would, imagine being in a palace and there's just no bathroom you're gonna shit on a curtain yeah I mean it's just what it is it sounds like my three-year-old it just sounds like people were running around just like my kids people were shitting all over Versailles let's take it all the way back to the beginning who is Louis XIV he is the son of Louis XIII and some

chick named Anne who was somebody who his father hated. His father hated, Anne was the queen of Austria. She was the queen of Austria and that's what they do. They try to unite the kingdoms by banging the royal families. His pops hated her. He hated his woman, he hated banging her and they couldn't get a son.

One night, I mean, can you imagine what that sex was like between like when there was arranged marriages, they were probably just like, it was probably this thing where they were just like yeah, like Like you know what I mean? Like they couldn't eat before because they didn't want to throw up I mean they hated each other. They all had fumes to they all full bushes and fumes and they would just have to have sex to procreate Yeah, it was just like and finally they made this kid and then he had a brother Philip, right? And his mom started and by the way Philip real quick okay Philip who was King Louis brother is there's a lot of speculation and conspiracy theories that he was the man in the

Iron Mask have you ever heard that conspiracy Oh King Louis the 14th brother leap leap they think he that the story the man in the Iron Mask that you know Leonardo DiCaprio they think it was his twin brother that had some kind of disorder, some type of facial issue. One, they think, so they put him on the iron mask and they let him rot in the Bastille, or they just kept, oh, they didn't let him rot in the Bastille.

He was treated, the thing about the man in the iron mask is at the time he was treated so well by the other prisoners, by the prison guards, so they think it was either that, that it was King Louis' brother, or he was a child out of wedlock of the king at the time, who like he had an affair with someone and they wanted to get him away.

But either way, that king, that man in the iron mask had something to do with King Louis XIV. Oh, that is another conspiracy. Or they say also they could have been that King Louis XIV himself put his brother in the man in the Iron Man, put his brother in the Bastille because he did not want anyone to succeed him. So he did not want a successor. So that's why obviously if King Louis died, the brother would step up.

That is very interesting. Yeah, because back then, because it wasn't like, oh, this is my brother, he won't hurt me. Louis died, the brother steps up. That is very interesting. Yeah, cause back then, cause it wasn't like, oh, this is my brother, he won't hurt me. Your brother would hurt you cause everybody wanted to be king. Yeah, well that's why Anne, you know, the queen, his mom, Louis XIV's mom was like, when Louis was born, she was like, he's a special kid.

He's gonna, this is a miracle from God because we hate each other and we had a baby. Yeah. He's gonna, this is a miracle from God because we hate each other and we had a baby. Yeah. This is, he's gonna be the king and so she just favored him and Philip, you know what she did to Philip? What? She put him in a dress and started calling him a girl because she didn't want him to be a threat to Louis being on the throne. It's what it is.

The next king. So she just chose one kid. She made a Sophie's choice. She was a cold woman. These people were like crazy leaky roof psychopaths. Yeah, I mean, it's just a- How can you do that to your own son? You just said, this one's not going to be a threat to this one. This one's more special than this one. And I'm throwing you an address and I'm going to start referring to you as she. It's just what it is. It's these two brothers definitely hated each other. I mean, well,

Philip definitely hated Louis. It's probably like Seth Curry and Steph Curry. You know Seth is like, I mean, what the hell with my brother? Could you imagine being Seth Curry and being an unbelievable NBA basketball player and then nobody cares about you because your brother is arguably the best three-point shooter in NBA history? Wouldn't that suck? Joe DiMaggio had a brother. I think his name was like Guido. Was it Ted DiMaggio? Probably. Yeah, he had a brother and he played in the league. He was a major league baseball player, but nobody knows about him. You know, it just, sometimes that just happens. It's the way the cookie crumbles. Maybe it has to do with the way the parents treated one over the other. They favored one over the other. Who knows? I mean, Gerald Wilkins, Dominic Wilkins, Brent Price,

there's just always a lesser than brother. It's just what it is Dominic Wilkins, Brent Price. There's just always a lesser than brother. It's just what it is. Jason Giambi. Yeah. There's just a guy out there who's just, there's Frank Stallone. Yeah, there's a Stallone brother. Yeah. And I mean, he looks exactly alike. He's even taller, but maybe the mother just treated, he just, he just treated, the mother just treated Sly just a little better. A little better. And just put Frank in a dress and started saying, you're going to be her. It's just what it, and sometimes it happens. And especially back then, I mean, parents just did whatever the hell they want to do. Now, here's the thing.

Wait, so let's go, you want to go chronological? Yeah, let's go chronological. So now we're in Paris. So the kids, back then you became king. He was king at five. Yes. Which is wild. They just anointed him king. Yeah, and so you're very reliant on the advisor and his advisor his whole life was. His advisor, because people say how does,

you know, you think how does someone become how they become. A lot of times, you know, your mind can get molded as a child and this kid's, King Louis XIV's advisor was a man named Cardinal Maserat and he was a dirtbag. He was a fucking, he was an Italian dirtbag. He was like Roy Cohen over Trump. Like the kid was just a dirtbag.

Like Machiavelli. Yeah, Mazarin. And what he did, what he did is Mazarin, he basically, you know, gave Louis a lot of choices and he would tell Louis, you tell Louis not always the right thing to do, he would just tell him the thing that would get him the most power. Yeah, he was a very, very savvy kid and very Machiavellian and he taught Louis all the dirty tricks of politics. Louis had a very traumatic thing happen when he was 10 years old.

The nobles were always frisky. They were frisky, they were always causing civil wars, and when Louis became the king, it was very fractured land. France was all in civil war. They were always in civil war because these nobles were always fighting with each other. So they had a revolt and they stormed his palace when he was 10 years old and they demanded to see the kid. They demanded to see the kid, they were like, oh, the king is sleeping.

He's a 10 year old kid, but they forced him up and he had to prance around his nightgown for him. They wanted to see the kid, they were like, oh, the king is sleeping. He's a 10-year-old kid, but they forced him up and he had to prance around in his nightgown for him. They wanted to kill him, probably, right? They wanted to kill him, but they didn't, but it was very traumatic for Louis. It's funny how when you read these stories about people in history, it always just comes down to what happened in your childhood. 100%.

And so this kid was traumatized by these nobles and these noble revolts in the Civil War. He had to flee the palace and go, him and his mom had to hide in some cold palace. Yeah, this was, Civil War was called the Fronde from 1448 to 16, 6048 to 6053, known as the Fronde, where the nobles and the parliaments rebelled against the policies of the king.

It was basically, you know, they were saying, "'Fuck you, you don't own us, we own you.'" Yeah, and he had to go hide in this, like, he hid in these people, he's just him and, yeah, him and his mom is like, were you growing up, you and your mom, there was no neutrals and nobody downstairs, and he had to go hide in this, like, he hides in these people. In his nightgown. Yeah, him and his mom, it's like, you growing up, you and your mom, there was no neutrals and nobody downstairs. Right.

And they had to sleep head to toe. Right. And it was a stressful situation. Yeah, so, like, same way, that's what I would say to my mom. It's like, my mom would be like, why are you still sleeping in the same bed with me? You're 16 years old.

I said, mom, because I read about King Louis XIV and I feel like, I feel it's drama. Yeah, it's trauma. Yeah. It's definitely drama, because, you know, he was sleeping in a bed with his mom scared and and they were they were It was just the two of them It's what it is cuz that's why I wore a nightgown my whole life

And then you know that Louis's mom in that was very angry because these nobles and these people were rising up and you're saying I'm you know, I'm a leader and I gotta pay for these good-for-nothings in these horse characters The mom is saying the mom is saying why don't you just kill my son Philip and leave Louis alone Yeah, just go kill the other one. I put him in a dress for you. He's right there. I put him in a dress and I called him a sissy. Yeah. I basically turned him into a sissy for you. So.

Offering that one to you. So this guy Cardinal Mazarin is also ran out of town. Like every, like these kids make no mistake and we're going to show you how, but these are the seeds right here of what eventually goes on to become the French Revolution. I mean, King Louis XIV, the kid caused it. He bankrupt France and it all begins here. That's where the story gets very fun when you talk about what his actual reign was. So all this trauma that he had as a kid really formed his personality.

So Mazarin really advises him, raises him on how to be this savvy politician and put down revolts and just be able know, be able to make people do what you want. Right. And then Mazarin dies and they're like, all right, who's going to be the new guy? We need another cardinal, whatever, to be your advisor. He goes, nobody. Yeah.

I'm going to be it. It's going to be a one-man show from here on in. This is very similar to, if we compare it to modern day, you know who this is like? You know who this is like? This is what happened to this kid's life. When Kanye West's mom died, the breaks went out. When Mazarin died and they had no one to keep him in check, Louis XIV went nuts.

Just like when Kanye's mom died, this is when Kanye started to go, I'll do whatever I want, because it was his mother who was like, Kanye, stop. I remember his mother's very smart, very great mom. There was a quote I saw from her once, or not a quote, saw from her once, or not a quote, it was like a documentary where

they said, you know, Mrs. West, he's the only one, Kanye only listens to you. And she's like, well, why wouldn't Kanye listen to me? I always listen to Kanye. So she was like that, where it's like, oh, very simple. You listen to your kids, they're listening you back. A lot of us as parents sometimes, we're not listening to our kids

and we wonder why they're not listening. It's like, well, cause I'm on the fucking phone trying to put bets, you know? I'm trying to look for apartments to live in. Get away from you guys. And then, so this is why my kids won't listen. So when Kanye's mother said that, I was like, ah, that's interesting.

And when Kanye's mother died, just like when Karno Mazarin died, Kanye became Kanye and Louis became Louis. Yeah. I was just, I just had a funny image of just an ideal world where we let Kanye make music and we just let him be a Nazi.

And it's a healthy society where everyone just knows, like, hey, he's a little special. He's like an autistic kid when an autistic kid comes over. You're like, this kid's gonna play with his fingers. He's gonna walk on his toes and he's gonna hit his head like that. But he's a math genius. And so you just deal with it.

So you warn before Kanye come over, you go, look, this guy's a fucking musical genius. He does best beats or whatever. But he's gonna do a few of these. And it's just, we just pat him on the head and we know he's okay. Just we deal with it. And that would be a very healthy society

if we just go, look the guy's got a leaky roof. Let just, you know. Look, and here's his new outfit for the day. He just posted this yesterday. He put his full Klan outfit. It's what it is. So that's the new thing is. And so if you just say, you know what?

The kid, he just likes to do that. We don't take it serious. But you watch, he's gonna do college dropout too. And it's really good. And the music is just gonna be insane. It's real good. But the kid's just gonna come over and he's gonna prance around a little bit in the Klan hood.

And it's what it is. He's a black kid. Yeah. And it's just, he thinks he's white. Yeah. And it's just, it's what it is. It's okay. He's a black white supremacist. We just let him be what he is. Who he is. He's like a Chappelle sketch that old Chappelle sketch when the black guy was a Klansman because he was blind. It's, this is what it is.

Just warn people beforehand like an autistic kid or someone special. It's all. Yeah. I respect it. He's going to pick his nose at the dinner table, but he's my son. We love him. Just deal with it. Just deal with it. Yeah. There's nothing we could do to stop this kid. Yeah. That we could do, but he's my son we love him just deal with it. Just deal with it yeah there's nothing we could do to stop this kid yeah. Yeah we could do but he's all right. So yeah Louis yeah Louis the 14th decides to build Versailles because of his trauma he's like you know what these nobles and their allies are in Paris right I'm gonna become the king of the burbs. So you have to understand how big a deal this was because forever for centuries that it was it would be like

you know everything was in Paris that the the king was is in Paris including n-words they were in Paris oh right oh yeah we're talking oh we're talking Kanye yeah that was that's all was yeah I thought that was just a shot out of nowhere I thought because you put the wig on you just started getting a little colonial no no no they were it's the title of the song all right, right, right. You're music. Yeah, I was talking about music. Yeah, listen to us on Spotify. And you can also listen to N-Words in Paris on Spotify.

It was a content show. Bad Shade just got a big deal from Spotify. Did they? Yeah. Good, they deserve it. Yeah, I think so. Biggest pod. Yeah.

Why not? Yeah. Babe, let me tell you something. You ever lost your hair and then be like, where did it go? Yeah, one day it's gone and then for me the next day it's back. But cuz, let me tell you something, I got a solution for you. I want you to try Hims Hair Loss Solutions and you're going to be joining hundreds of thousands of subscribers who just found their hair again just like you.

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you don't have to be a squirrel to appreciate Acorns anymore. Go get the Acorns app. What it does is look, boom, it puts you in the market for you. Just with your spare change. You buy a cup of coffee, it'll round up for you. If it's $5.65, it'll take $0.35 and put it in the market for you. I like it. Give that Acorns. Listen, Acorns is an investing app and there are very specific guidelines put in place

by the SEC regarding what can and cannot be said in paid endorsements. Oh, sorry. All right. very specific guidelines put in place by the SEC regarding what can and cannot be sent in paid endorsements because oh sorry all right so I was just reading part of the instructions of the ad but I still say this is this is natural let no let's just keep going okay I say we keep going and if Acorns makes us do a make good then they could suck it yeah cuz this is our show and if you want the P fans to really listen then you I'm telling you we're gonna sell Acorns this way yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah. Yeah. So just be smart about this.

And yeah, the ad read should be a minimum of 60 seconds and we're doing that. Yeah, look. Let's tell about acorns more. It's all great. I have acorns. Everyone should get it because look, like I said, you go get a slice of pizza. It's 165. Yeah.

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Slash acorns.com slash hyenas. So, so what were we talking about? Oh, so, so. You just got distracted because your brain saw dollar signs. Oh, and you got a Jewish part of your brain. I got a picture. And you just went dollar signs, dollar signs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So. Yeah, like it's, I told you, can we make a, do we make a clip out of that? Cause that is Chrissy. Chrissy has the face of the predator, the personality of the prey. Yeah. So I just, did we make a clip of that? No, we should though. Yeah. So, so when they moved, so when you move, they moved King Louis the 14th moved the palace, um, the seat of power from Patty to Versailles. Cause I've heard, I'm sorry. I just, it's very tough for me to look. You're scary in that wig. Yeah. I don't know what the fuck's happening to Versailles. I'm sorry, it's very tough for me to,

you're scary in that wig. Yeah. I don't know what the fuck, something's happening to your eyes, cuz. I don't look nuts. Yeah, I mean like, because you're from that period and you love like the American Revolution

and shit like that. There's something happening to your eyes right now. Yeah. You got like, there's like a coldness, there's like something going on with that wig on. You think I lived during that time and I was a bad kid? No, you just fucking, you look good in it. Yeah.

It looks like, it looks like, I know I look Franks, I know like it's something. This fits me. It just works. Yeah. It's almost like I'm looking at George Washington and your face is morphing. Yeah. It's like, cause I think you're gonna put me in a guillotine. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, doesn't it like look, match his face? Like it looks good, like he looks like a guy from history. Yeah. I just am. Yeah, I got a doesn't it like look match his face like it looks good like he looks like a guy from history Yeah, I just him yeah, I got a colonial face. Yeah, I told you I think cuz I'm so connected to colonial America I think I lived in that period and died in that period. Yeah Yeah, the kid just and instead of coming back, I think I skipped a couple generations I just came back in 84. Yeah, but some's happen to your eyes cuz I mean I'm seeing a crit Yes, something like before the wig went on you had a leak in your roof and now right now like the leak

It's gotten there was a dribble and I put a pot down I plugged it and now fucking waters coming in through this fucking ceiling ceiling The seat of the power look King Louis the 14th said he wanted to consolidate his power He wanted to basically say wherever I go. That's where this power So I'll make the I'll put the head of France in a city that no one's ever heard of because wherever I am that's when everyone will come to me that you wanted that power it'd be like moving frickin New York City and now all the way out in frickin Long Island yeah like we're all the way out in fucking Melville yeah the kid really was king of the burbs king of the burbs he decided I don't want to deal with these nobles I don't want to deal

with their allies I don't want to deal with these Civil Wars or these potential rivals who constantly rise up and try to take my power. I'm going to declare myself the Sun God. First he was the God God, he was the God King, then he was like, I'm the Sun King, fine. And now a divine right, I'm going to market myself as this like, just like, big, you know, lavish, god- person. And everyone's gonna come live with me. And so he built Versailles, which cost god knows how much. It cost almost bankrupt France, to be honest. I mean, crazy.

And then he forces all the nobles to just come have one big sleepover at Versailles. And there's gonna be no more privacy. He's gonna watch everybody. He's gonna make them all compete for his favor. And there's gonna be no more privacy. He's going to watch everybody. He's going to make them all compete for his favor. And there's going to be no more privacy. Because keep them busy. Being in the court in King Louis XIV's court was not easy.

People would kill each other just to try to be the guy. As soon as he wakes up, they hand him his outfit for the day. Like it was stuff like that. And then like we said before, Giannis wasn't joking in the beginning, we're not joking. He would conduct business on the toilet. He would be talking to,

you could get an appointment with Louis and if it was at the time when he'd take his shit, then you just had to deal with him. It was actually part of the daily rituals. So they would come and watch him wake up. The kid just was scared of the dark and he liked to have people around. He was kinda like us in a way that he didn't like

to be alone, so he would wake up, and they'd watch him wake up. Then they got to compete over who was gonna hand him his clothes, and watch him dress, and then they watched him eat, and then they watched him take a shit. And he conducted his business, and it was a big part of the daily ritual

where the kid just sat on the fucking Toilet and chat and Kerr plunked while he was talking bit while he was talking business and make no mistake I mean he sold more tickets to his people to watch him take a shit than we did at our live show And it's just what it is and so yeah Wanted to watch him take a shit and by the way shout out to everyone who did come to the live show at Gotham that Is up at patreon.com slash history hyenas. It was actually fun, fully sold out crowd. We went out of control.

And there will be more about this episode at patreon.com slash history hyenas. And another wild episode is up there too. But anyway, so, and the kid, one part of him, people, I think people know this, is that the kid had anal fistulas. Yeah, so anal fistulas. So anal fistulas, what it is, it's really from pushing

too hard when you gotta poop, and then your basically asshole just opens up, and you just get these big boils on your butt, the kid only took three baths, so not bathing, and also just being in 1600s, you got an anal fistula, it is Tim Dillon, boys, not good. Not good, yeah, he was constipated all the time, and he was pushing too hard. And also I think he was putting on a show.

Yeah. So people watched him shit, so you know sometimes you don't have to shit, but I think the people really were like, here it comes, here it comes. They got real, oh boy, here it comes. And he's like, I got a big one, I got a big one. So I think sometimes he pushed a little too much.

True, true. So he pushed a little too much and he ended up getting these anal fistulas. And then he started to develop such a problem that the kid not only had a leaky roof, he had a leaky butt. Right. So he was constantly just shitting himself. So he had to wear a diapy.

He had to wear a diapy. He had to put him in a diapy so he wouldn't shit on the floor. And he wouldn't shit on the floor and he would lay on the floor sometimes in his diaper and conduct business because the kid was in 10 out of 10 pain. Because what happens is with the anal fistula and constipation is your body gets, the poop gets so locked in your gut that you then develop a psychological, and then when you do poop it hurts so much, so you develop like a PTSD about pooping, so you actually want to poop less but the feces just keeps building up in your body and then when you get fresh poop,

the poop in your gut is hard and then the fresh poop is soft so it kind of melts around the the the block poop and it just starts leaking out of your butt. So the poop that the newest poop just leaks out. So it's bad news. If you get clogged up like that couldn't like a solution be especially since maybe they didn't have the science back then to fix it but they did because some surgeon came in and did it but maybe couldn't they have just been like just a guy just take his cock and just slam it in there and open up the plumbing? Because they were doing that.

That would be a plumber back then, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's what it is. You could call that. I'm calling a plumber. I'm not a gay man, I'm a plumber. Yeah, just call a plumber and have him fucking just ram his cock and open me up. I'm a roto-rooter.

Yeah. And so, but you know, well, what they actually did do though is these surgeons, because the surgeon who got it right wanted to make sure he got it right, and how do they make sure they get it right? They just practiced on other people. That was a little part. So it's what it is.

It's what it is, and so they just took some peasants and they just did some experiments. And they said, looks like you have an anal fist, so I said, no, no, I'm healthy, so now I can see one. Now bend over. So they just practiced on these poor people, yeah, unfortunately.

It's what it is, see, and that's another way to keep society in line. Say, listen, you can either pay the taxes and shut your mouth and stop being annoying, or we're going to make believe you got an anal fistula and take it out with no anesthesia. Yeah. But you know, when these things started getting out to the people, they started getting a little, uh, they started getting a little ornery. They started getting a little upset at the lavishness and all of these injustices that

were happening because Louis was living like, I mean, the lavishness was crazy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're talking about, yeah, when you talk about Versailles, I mean, it's like, it's the huge, it's so huge. He spent all this money. He was constantly at war and he was just raping the people of taxes, and the nobility was living good, he was living good, and then his surgeons were doing experiments on peasants.

Because it was just, he was laying the seeds for, eventually his great-grandson was going to get his head cut off. Yeah, it's what it is, and we're going to get to that, and that's a fun part, so you guys are going to want to save your cum for that. Yeah. So, but it's funny because this has been happening since the beginning of time and it doesn't matter how happy you are.

When you start to go get around real opulent wealth like that and you don't have it, even if you're happy with your own life and your own circumstances, it starts to really upset you just about like the wage gap. So I could imagine the people back then living in, even if they were living happy lives and they had food and water and all that, they're like, what is this gap?

I had a friend who years ago worked for a Saudi billionaire and he worked in, he was security in his townhouse, which was in Manhattan somewhere. And so he said the townhouse this man had, he would spend millions of dollars a year on services he didn't need, like having a maid, having a security guard, running a gym in the building that nobody ever used. And it was just this spending millions. And then I would be sitting on the subway going home, even though I love my wife, I

love my kids, I love my life, being like, why are they fucking homeless people? Why am I living in a three-floor walk-up when this guy's spending money? If I just said, hey, buddy, instead of running your sauna and gym for no one and spending $500,000, could you just give it to me? I actually need it for my wife and kids. And he said, so it starts to creep in, he goes, and I actually have to stop working there

because of that. He said, my life, which was happy, he goes, and once I got rid of that, I started being happy again because you can't help, the human brain can't help but compare and be like, why don't, it wasn't even him he was saying, I would literally look at the homeless guy and be like, you don't have to be homeless. Right.

I just came from the guy's house that could help you. Yeah. And so, and so it's interesting that even back then, 400 years ago, people are like, all right, enough with these people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting because you could clearly see in my opinion that his personality was

so molded by the trauma he experienced as a kid by the nobles forced him to prance around when he was 10 years old in his nightgown and that helplessness that he felt that they were trying to they wanted to kill him and whatnot that he paid so much attention to controlling the nobles. He created this it's just born out of his trauma. I'm going to create this great big palace. I'm going to control it. He never left by the way. So he was like a long island.

Yeah, like I'm not going to the city. It's too much problem. Yeah, I'm going to control everyone. He never left, by the way. So he was like a long Islander. Like I'm not going to the city. It's too much problem. I'm just staying out here. And so, and he made them all live there and he showered them if they were, if they were loyal to him, he would shower them with gifts. He kept them busy and it was all part of a plan to give them no time to conspire against them. They were hunting, there was orgies, there was food. It was everything. He just kept them busy. And cause listen, you're just in a manuil Moderna, cuz make absolutely no mistake, you're King Louis XIV in this century, okay? Because you had childhood trauma too, you got shot, and then what did you do?

You threw on a wig and high heels, and you started prancing around, and you also have anal fistulas and feuds. So you're the same as King Louis XIV, it's just we kept you in line a little bit. But cuz, you're on medicine. If you weren't on medicine, you'd be same as King Louis XIV, it's just we kept you in line a little bit. Yes. Because you're on medicine. If you weren't on medicine, you'd be the Sun King too. So what he did was he started paying too much attention to the nobles and he forgot about the people. Right.

So that's going to have consequences. Yeah, you got to remember the people. It's one thing if you're living like that and you're sharing your wealth a little bit, that's okay. Because think about it, if the Versailles was half the size it was, which would still be 10,000 rooms, and he just gave that other 30 mil to the people, there would be no problem.

Yes, that's what a lot of these billionaires and a lot of these guys forget today. You can see it all the time, they just forget about the people. You wanna give them a little buyback. Just give them a little bit. A little bit. Buyback, if you're a bartender,

somebody buys 10 Vodka's, you go, here's another one for free. He just keep the people out of your foyer. Your whole goal for free He just keep the people out of your foyer. Yeah, your whole goal as a ruler is keep the people out of your foyer They're gonna storm your palette. It's what it is cuz if any of these billionaires just got together and said how about this? All right We're not gonna pay all the taxes But what if we just agree to pay one percent more and we'll take a little bit off these people You the amount of pressure that would come off the people the poor people who can't afford it all of us who can't afford Paying to I mean cuz let's be honest cuz we're not crying poverty here

But we get fucking drilled with taxes real we get drilled so somebody who's listening to us Maybe like those guys have money. It's like well we get drilled with fucking taxes So we don't make as we don't make as much money as you think yeah, my net is Radically fucking different than my growth. Yeah, I don't get anywhere to the amount of money that you think I gross, that you see on Patreon. We don't get anywhere fucking close to that because we get hit, and then I get hit even more. What we like to call is a Puerto Rican tax.

Yeah, because you have to pay for an American territory. Yeah, it's what it is, so don't fucking sit there and think that I got all this fucking cash all, cuz I don't. Yeah, steal pipe, Chrissy, you're back! Yeah, it's fucking back, cuz. And I got the wig on, and I'm starting to, I really want to behead somebody.

Yeah, we fucking get drilled. What happens is this little gay plumber named Uncle Sam comes over, and we get molested by our uncle, and he drills us right in the asshole at tax time. Yeah, it's what it is, guys. It's what and how it goes. It's how it fucking goes.

And that's how you felt if you were a little farmer or a little peasant in France during Louis XIV's reign is you were getting drilled and he kept raising the taxes to pay for his lavish lifestyle and his wars. And the kid did do some things like build some roads some latrines some connect I'm not latrines some canals and shit like that So he did kind of do a little good thing for the economy, but he was taxing the people too hard You know, what's one cute little thing about Louie has a little cute thing that he did and something that we still do today You know like when you walk down a path or whatever and I'll say keep off the grass turn here

So he would have these massive parties at Versailles and one year he had this party and like people were walking through his beautiful gardens, they didn't know where to go, and I mean it destroyed the gardens. So he said he got with his landscaper the next year and he said we're gonna have this big party again, but how do we, what do we do? And he said they came up with these little signs called keep off the grass, a little sign by the fountain says don't bathe in the fountain even though you want to all those things that we have Those sign up that said no no hats. No, no sneakers. No hats. No see which right what that means. Yeah. Yeah No hats those sneakers no backwards hats. No sneakers. What it is. Yeah, no pagers. Yeah

So so so but those look but you know what the word for it and here's how it comes into play today Do you know what the sign because we're all the stars, you know what the word for it, and here's how it comes into play today, do you know what the sign, cause this is where all this started, you know what the word is for little signs in France? What? Etiquette. So the term etiquette, how we have etiquette today, it's because he started it with those little signs, and then it became a whole thing of etiquette,

of doing what's right and respecting people's property and using the right dinner fork, it all stemmed from there. Oh, you know what else, another word that came from there, that was a little H-H-F-O-D, here's another one, refugee. Ooh! Refugee comes from this period, You know what else, another word that came from there, that was a little H-H-F-O-D, here's another one, refugee. Refugee comes from this period because Henry, King Henry, couple kings ago, right?

Of England we're talking. Or we're talking, is it King Henry of France? I think it was France. Oh, King Henry. Yeah, King Henry, you're right, it was Henry. And so he decided to sign a little thing, can't remember what it's called, we can look it up if you want, about how he was gonna tolerate the Protestants. Because it was a Catholic country.

So we're gonna tolerate these, what they were called Huguenots, or however you, I'm sorry if you're friends. Huguenots also a section of Staten Island, I'm looking at houses. Yeah, it's called Huguenots, or something like that in France, but they were the Huguenots, they were Protestants,

and he tolerated them. But then Louis XIV came in, and all he saw was outsiders. He's like, we're Catholic, because he wanted to consolidate everything and keep everyone the same. So he was like, we're going to get rid of them. The problem was there was about 1 million of them and most of them were highly skilled laborers. So he banned them.

He banned them. He did an edict. He signed an executive order and and he said they gotta go. So these guys were now being persecuted, and Huguenots and the Protestants, they left and went to England, so he lost all this skilled labor too, so that hurt the economy because he got rid of them,

and that's where the word refugee comes from. It originates from the French word, sounds like refugee right but they pronounce it different they get mad if you wouldn't right it refers to the Protestants who fled France after the revocation of King Henry's edict of Nantes from 1685 cute little King Louis revoked that revolt returned that yeah he was like Trump coming into office right with the terror returned to DEI right yeah what is ceI went out the window.

Now he's- No more Protestants. Yeah, no more Protestants. They were the trans of the day. Yeah. Yeah. Get them out of here. Yeah, get them out. Yeah. Mando, baby, whole body deodorant.

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So King Louis XIV also, the kid just did have a very regimented day. First of all, he would have a low-light breakfast, a hefty lunch, but then the evening meal, which was called the Grand Cuvette, that took place around 10 p.m. The kid would eat late. He wasn't into intermittent fast.

No, he's not into. The kid would eat late, 10 p.m. And it would eat late. He wasn't into intermittent fast. No, he's not into it. The kid would eat late for 10 p.m. and he would have, it would be a public thing. Yeah. Like you would come in, you would come into the apartments of Versailles, and you would just all eat at 10 o'clock. And then he would, you know, at 1130 would go upstairs and he would always have just a couple of dudes. Yeah. The kid was just walking around with mistresses at all times. He had a wife, yes, but back then he had some public mistresses and some not public mistresses.

So it was okay back then. That's why when people say, oh, French guys are allowed to cheat and they have this vision of marriage and all that, that was King Louis XIV was the one who made that the culture where he said, listen, I got a wife, but I also, you know, I got to bang other chicks too. Yeah. And what he would also do is sometimes he would promote some of his kids with the mistresses, and he did that as a tactic to keep the nobles

on their toes, because he's like, this guy's going to rise up. My son over here, or he would promote people, which the nobles weren't used to. He really controlled the nobles, and that was really what his main concern was. And he made everyone watch everything, and everyone stay busy, because they didn't have cameras

back then, but he wanted to just be able to keep everyone under his watchful eye. He was paranoid. Paranoid. And the kid, what he did was when he was anointed king, he was anointed in this oil that they believe was directly from the Holy Spirit. So to him, he was an absolutist power king, meaning he has divine power. It's different than just being power of the state. This kid said, I have power of the state and the religion because I was chosen by God himself.

So I am the king and he would wear this ring that that ring connected him to France. So he would tell the French people, thank God I'm your king because God only picked one and he picked this country to be, you know, this is the chosen land. Yeah, and this has been happening since the beginning of time. I mean, you look in Egypt, they had the pharaohs, and they were like, oh, I'm a direct descendant of God. What it makes me realize is people will fucking believe anything. Right, it's what it is.

You can really control the people with some good market. I mean, because look at the Vikings, when Vikings would say if you die in battle, you're gonna go to Valhalla, and that you're gonna be, you know, or even the Muzzies, you're gonna get virgins and all that stuff, none of it's true, because you just die and you start again you go back you go back to the

beginning of the simulation yeah there's a lot of guys out there who are selling penis pills and they make millions of dollars and if they worked we'd all be taking them it's what it is nothing can make your penis bigger it just but but if you can sell it and tell people it will they'll just buy it yeah the only thing that couple of ads on this putt patreon where you just gonna have to decide for yourself whether we're lying to you about the product or not. Well, the one thing I'm not lying to you about is BluChu. BluChu does work.

It works. It gives you woodies. Go to bluchu.com, put in our promo code, IANIS TELAMONCE. That works because it's based on science. It's science, what is. Yeah. So the kid would have a meat... Here's the thing. The kid would eat at dinner 20 and 30 dishes.

So you know how we have fine dining now? Yeah. Like, you know, go to a fine dining restaurant and they'll bring out these little, you know, they'll course it out or derves, appetizers, entrees. It wasn't like that before King Louis XIV. King Louis XIV was the one back then you would just all put all your food on the table and you would eat it with your hands. He was the one that said, let's course this out. Let's make dining fun. Like, yes, it's because back then it was just for sustenance, but he said, let's make it an art. So, it's, cause back then it was just for sustenance,

but he said, let's make it an art. So this fine dining that we still have today started with King Louis XIV, the Sun King, and he would say, don't eat with your hands, eat with knives and forks and utensils, but Louis would himself still eat with his hands. So everyone, nobody else could, but he would. Cause he was the first like reality star.

He was like the first streamer. He just made everything a show. He was like, you're gonna, there was no cameras, he was like, we're star. He was like the first streamer. Yeah, he just made everything a show Yeah, he was like you got you're gonna watch there was no cameras. He's like a bit We're gonna have an audience for everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and the kid Daniel Dobrik Yeah, he what and he had beautiful curly brown hair that wig supposedly his wigs were gorgeous And I mean cuz you know me if I see brown curly hair and red high heel shoes if you got a tattoo on your Tent, I'm in you're in there. I'm in there like swimwear Yeah, there is I mean cuz if that had a tattoo on the tit and I'm in. You're in there. I'm in there like swimwear. Yeah, there he is. So I mean, cuz, if that had a tattoo on the tit

and her name's Julissa, I'm in. And here's the funny thing, when you look at this painting of him, you're absolutely right. There's no way that face has those legs. No way. He would on purpose tell them, the portrait guy would paint something,

he said, you gotta make my legs look better. Like, look at his legs. His legs looks like he does squats, and then his face looks like he just does your accounting. Yeah, does that leg look like it has gangrene right now? Because it did in real life. So look at his legs. His legs looks like he does squats. Yeah. And his face looks like he just does your accounting. Yeah. Does that leg look like it has gangrene right now? Cause it did in real life. So look at his shoes. Yeah. Look at his high heels on.

Fucking cute. He wanted to be a little taller. Yeah. I mean, high heel shoes, I don't know when they went out of fashion, but I hope they come back. Yeah. I think they hurt your feetsies. Yeah. Well, we're going to put one on. Yeah.

So they said his sister-in-law, the Princess Palatine, said that this kid had a fucking insatiable appetite, that she said he would eat four plates of soup, a whole pheasant, a partridge, a large plate of salad, two slices of ham, mutton chops with garlic, a plate of pastries, all followed by fruit and hard-boiled eggs. That's at 10 o'clock at night, but yet the kid still did live to 76 years old. So, I mean, what does that tell you? They got be doing something with their food. That's why RFK's gonna save us. No, but I think they did it, I think it was Louis, his opulence,

I think he took probably a half a bite of everything and it was just all a waste. Well, they said he had a big appetite, but a lot of the stuff he would eat was healthy food. He loved raw veggies. So it tells you, cousin, if you just eat your veggies, you're all right. Yeah.

So the kid would eat his veggies and he lived to 76 years old with no meds. Yeah, the kid had 2,000 pair of shoes I think right. I think he had something like 2,000 pairs of shoes He spent a lot of money on all this stuff that I'm doing orgies parties Right on time it got to the point where they were so low on money for these wars Right, he ended up melting down his silverware and that's how much silver he had in gold It was everything was gold, right?

He melted it down to pay for the war, right? So, you know, you. So you know you're spending a little too much if you've got to melt down your forks and start using chopsticks. Chopsticks, well and it's funny too because he forbade even his own children to use forks. So even though forks and utensils were getting popular and he had a bunch of them, like you said, he still preferred to eat with his hands. So the kid had a leaky roof. He definitely had a leaky roof. I don't know if you can't have a leaky roof when you get to this level of power. You just, you know, if I got to this level of power,

I mean, and you came over my house, what do you think it's gonna be? You think I'm just gonna be, hey, you want a cup of coffee and sit down and talk? I'm gonna go, no. You go in that room, there's 200 of the hottest trans women you've ever seen in your life. You go in that room, there's 200 of the hottest

women you've ever seen in your life. Christie go in that room, there's 200 of the hottest women you've ever seen in your life. Chrissy's coming over, we're gonna add a room full of 200 of the hottest guys you've ever seen in your life, and I'm gonna just let him have a buffet. Yeah, cuz I'll tell you what, cuz, King Louis XIV, this is nothing. If Tim Dillon was alive back then, he had the power. Whoa, whoa, wee, wah.

Whoa, whoa, wee, wah. Timmy D, cuz. You ever go to dinner with Timmy D? It's wild. He just goes, give me the menu, and then he just takes a bite of everything. Yeah, Timmy D, and I love it, that's why I love going out to dinner with Timmy D. Because you ever go to dinner with Timmy D? It's wild. He just goes, give me the menu, and then he just takes a bite of everything. Yeah, Timmy D. And I love it.

That's why I love going out to dinner with Timmy D. Because you always have a fantastic meal, always. But you are not allowed to order or look him in the eye. No, you're not. He just tells everyone what's going on. You eat it and you have a great time. And I like it. And then you get driven.

This one's good. Yeah, get that one. And then you get driven home and it's Rolls Royce. And I like it. And he goes, thank you. Thank you. Thank you to the waiter, thank you. And you know what?

You know what? You know what? The King had, you know, they had 300 people working for him that would prepare his food. And you know what that was called? That was called the service de bouche, the service of the mouth. That was the name of it in English,

the service of the mouth. That's it. You just worked for the King's mouth. Yeah, in Scientology, they have the same thing. They go, this is not for talking, this is for sucking. Yeah. Service of the mouth. Yeah.

What's his name, David Kneshnash or whatever? Yeah. Yeah, he goes, no more talking outside. We're gonna take that mouth and it's for sucking. Cause should we create a tier on the Patreon and call it the service of the mouth? Service of the mouth. Should we create like a $20,000 a month Patreon tier

and we call this is the service of the mouth? Jesse, let's call that 15, do we name that $15,000 tier yet that has the Tim Dillon episode? It's called, do we name the tier? Yeah, the tier has a name. It's the million dollar tier. Million dollar tier, okay. Because it would be nice to change one to the service of the mouth. Yeah, that's just your tradition at our show. We got to have one episode of Tim Dillon that we can't release. That we can't release. And so we lost the old one, but the new one is probably even crazier and would get us even more trouble. And that's all at patreon.com slash history hyenas.

In addition to a lot of other content and some of the wildest shit. And we, by the way, we did a walk and talk last week. That's one for the ages. We're going to bring back those walk and talk. So those only exist at patreon.com slash history hyena. We have the same structure as Scientology, where if you get to the top level, which is Eaton, and you listen to the Tim Dillon episode the aliens will come out of your Brain yeah, it's what difference between them is there's a top level

Nobody gets to that they dangle in front of you there is an actual Tim Dillon effort up there So if you want if some Bitcoin guys got 15 great is it 15 grand 15 grand raise it so nobody ever buys it 15 oh, it's yeah, they'll buy it. I mean I mean there is an episode. So you gotta buy it for like 150k plus. Yeah. No but they'll just buy it for 15 and then. That's it. James L. Tuchler if you're listening. It's more of a joke. They'll buy it. What's funny too about like with the service of the mouth they were instructed that whenever King Louis was done with a course everybody was done. So if the kid ate the appetizer quick and you weren't done with and you didn't get your food yet you weren't done with yet, sorry, plate got taken from you. Yeah. Because you were on the king's speed. Yeah. Everyone went at the king's speed. Yeah. And that's nice. And he had a nice long reign and then he 75 years. He did have that surgery to fix his asshole. They got they scouts when he was 47 48 years old they did have a surgery they fix his anal fistula what they did is they scalped it off and then they cauterized it they burnt his

asshole off so he was in two weeks of a lot of pain, but supposedly his fistulas got better. Yeah. And here's the thing. There was no anesthesia. So the kid just had to bite down on a stick. No. And what, what, what I will give the kid credit for, cause you think, oh, he's a king, he's a, they said the kid took it like a champ.

Yeah. They said the kid took it like a champ and just dealt with it. Yeah. So I respect that about him. Now look, he did bankrupt the people by taxing them too much and having all these wars, but he also promoted the arts. This was sort of a golden age where he he funded all the arts and so there was a lot of good architecture, a lot of good art that came around during his time. A lot of famous artists and writers and stuff

like that were during his reign. And so it was sort of like Charles Dickens said, the best of times, the worst of times. It always is, right? And then it was what Dostoevsky said, you know, every family is unhappy in their own unique way. I mean, it's just the human condition. I mean, it's what it is. Can't have a yin without a yang.

Can't have a yin without a yang. And it's just when the kid died, his last words were something like, I have died but the state continues. Because he said when he became king, I am the state. I am the state. But I think at his dying bed he realized, I actually am nothing. Right. And I'm gonna die and the state's just gonna keep it frickin moving. Yeah, that's when Pearl Jam started playing. Nothing man, nothing man, isn't it something? Nothing man. So he dies and we'll just, you know,

we'll probably do another episode on the French Revolution, but eventually a couple of kings lay, it was Louis XIV, then XV comes in. King Louis XVI, there's one. That's when trouble starts. That's when trouble starts, that's the French Revolution, that's King Louis XVI, Maudine Antoinette, that's when people start losing their heads,

let them eat cake. That's for episodes for another day. One quick little cute thing about Louis the 14th that I like that we're going to talk about on the Patreon, but we'll talk about it here because we want to give you guys a little taste. And speaking of taste is the kid Louis the 14th, so his body was actually stolen. What they did was during these times when it was like uprisings, years, years, years later, they stole all the kings and queens bodies like the people broke in and started desecrating their bodies all that but it was tradition uh back in those days that the king they would lay you to rest but they would take your

heart out and take your heart out in a jar and so his heart got sold for auction king louis the 14th actual mummified heart and there was this priest this british priest that was just kind of a wild guy that just, he wanted to eat everything, any type of animal species, just wanted to eat it. So what happened was, is the kid was at a house party one day and he thought that there was a jar on this guy's shelf and he thought, oh, that's like, gotta be some like fun animal heart. And he ate King Louis the 14th's heart. The kid just ate Louis the 14th's heart. just ate it Louis the 14th heart That's a different type of cuisine back. Yeah, just popped one in. Yeah, he thought he was doing poppers. Yeah Yeah, and this is uh, yeah, this was the beginning of the end of the Bourbon dynasty

They ruled France for 200 years and by the way, you know, it's a cute fact about the Bourbon dynasty They still exist today. They are right now the current kings of Spain in Spain Well, you can go take a look at who the royalty of Spain is and just know that's descendants from King Louis. Yeah, yeah and we just we want you know if you have if you have any dream of growing up and becoming the king of Spain you can't do it. No. Right? That's the one question if you're the prince of Spain and some kid goes I have a question I have a question I want to grow up to be the king of Spain. That's when the kids gotta just go, you can't. Because we just fuck our families.

And it's just, you have to be in the bloodline. They go, how does that make sense? And you go, it doesn't, it's just something we've been telling the people for a long time to keep power. And for some reason, they just let us do it. Now you can if you want to, you can't be king, but if you want to fuck my dick, you can fuck my dick.

Yeah. Go fuck my friend's dick, good, suck my friend's dick. You can suck my friend's dick in a beef thaw. In a beef thaw. So, cuz at the end of the day, unfortunately, King Louis did die September 1st, 1715. The kid died from gangrene in the leg. The kid said he had excruciating pain in his leg and he wouldn't let anyone take a peek

because the kid loved his legs. And when the doctors took a peek, they said, this is bad. This is bad. The gangrene went all the way from his foot and went all the way up to his side when they did a autopsies at the end. I mean the kid had gangrene in his organs. I mean the kid died painfully.

That's the beautiful part about being alive today is we could still get some awful diseases but you can just get a little morphine drip and it doesn't hurt as bad. It doesn't hurt as much and they can cure a lot of stuff. They can just cure a lot. Thank God. They really can. That's really nice. So I mean, cause I mean, ultimately, you know, the fun facts to me about King Louis,

our longest reigning monarch, bathed three times in his whole life, turned Versailles into like the ultimate power play, you can go visit it today. I've been there, you've been there. It's a beautiful, beautiful spot. I've never been there. You've never been to Versailles?

Cause we gotta go. Yeah, what's it like? It's actually amazing. What's the Hall of Mirrors like? The Hall of Mirrors is actually amazing. I Versailles? No, I wanna go. Cause we gotta go. Yeah, what's it like? It's actually amazing. What's the Hall of Mirrors like? The Hall of Mirrors is actually amazing. I gotta be honest with you, I went in 2018 with Jazz and I felt fat that day, so I did look like

I just had a big buffet ass. Walked through those mirrors and I got a little upset with myself, but I swear to God I was wearing a Derek Judy Yankees batting practice jersey. That is very nice. Yes, I was. You put the boys with you.

And I wore shorts. Yeah. And I got pics of that. He also made ballet cool for men. A lot of people asked- He was in a lot of some ballet. Well, that's where he got the nickname the Sun King is because he would like to dance around and make believe he was the Apollo.

Yeah. He was the sun god. Yeah. So that's why they call him the Sun King because the kid just loved ballet and that's why his legs were very nice. Supposedly the kid in his early life did have beautiful legs because he'd dance around, prancing around on your calves and ankles. Yeah.

You're going to get nice legs if you're a ballet guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He liked to, he actually starred in a few, about, which is wild. Right. He's like, I want to be in that. And they're like, okay, we'll let the kid dance. It's what it is. He probably was awful.

Yeah. You know, he's probably like, everyone just had to deal. Yeah. Isn't that funny when someone's just awful and you just gotta go, oh, I love it. Yeah, I mean, cause he was also a master of propaganda He crafted his public image like these paintings and all that as God like as always in charge whatever But we all know the truth that wasn't the truth, but these paintings like this. It was all propaganda He did not tell the people the truth about him. No, no, no, it's a it's a tale as old as time

You know, that's what these rulers do and And they always go too far. And he really, his financial lavishness, his opulence really is what set the balls in motion for the French Revolution. And eventually the streets will be running with French noble aristocracy blood. It's what it is. The guillotine came out and the guillotine got used. Yeah, and they had to put some WD-40 in. They were using it so much. They put WD-40 in there so it wouldn't squeak.

And by the way, speaking of that, they had in modern day times a guy in South Carolina has elected to be killed by firing squad. He wanted his last meal to be KFC and he wanted to be killed by firing squad. And if you're going to put me to death and you're going to allow me to pick my execution, I'm going to go guillotine. I want to go old school. I want to cut my head off. I want to see how many times it takes. Yeah. The reason why you do that. Yeah. Cause you know, it's not going to work. They're going to get up. Yeah. Yeah. You'll get another couple of days alive. Cause the thing will just fall like this. Yeah. It'll just stop. Yeah. But the guillotine is cute. And you

know what's funny? Guillotine for me, so it'll be quick. Yeah. Just slice that low slice it slow. They don't even have to drop it all the way from the top. Just drop it halfway. Yeah, just drop it off. All right guys as always Thank you for listening King Louie the 14th favorite part of our episode favorite part of your episode is when we read off the patreon Names, we got a brand new list. Thank you, Justin. Yeah, see Chrissy at the garden on September 11th. Could be the theater We're gonna make that decision soon. Yeah, could be the theater. Just come see me in the building that houses Madge Square Garden.

If you got tickets, they will be honored in a room. Yeah, it's just what it is. I'm gonna be at Madge Square Garden September 11th, you're just gonna go upstairs or downstairs. Yeah, that's just how it goes. Where the cookie crumbles. See me in Rochester, coming up, and see me. If he decides to do it.

If we do it. The kid canceled Springfield, Missouri the day of the show. See me in Cleveland and see me in San Diego. Oh San Diego, that's one of my favorite clubs favorite cities go to Yanis Pompous comedy.com for those tickies Christie comedy.com for my tickies added a lot of dates and we are gonna be doing more live History of Hyena shows that we're gonna start streaming them at patreon.com slash history hyenas. That's going to be the new move. So you can get all that for five bones. All right. Welcome to the matriarchy. Brett Borgiadani. Then we got Hillel Schwarzenstein, the ultimate frisbee. Okay. Drexler baby. Drexler. Make

no mistake. Xi Jinping has Crohn's. Chubby McBubbly with a pecccorino pecker. Nick Diapese, 2025 Ice Survivor. Nathan Bristow. It's a good one. These are all, that's a Drex too. Okay. Then we got, just put the Nuggies in the bag with the gun. Did I walk into one? No, wait.

Just put the Nuggies in the bag and then he has a gun. He has a gun. He's Robin, so he's Robin McDonald. Oh, Robin McDonald. Okay. Right, the Nuggies, right? Nuggies, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. John and Leah, then we got Chrissy punched through my Jewish Buda-church, now I'm a Fumari Shafir. Oh, Chrissy punched through my Jewish Buda-church,

now I'm a Fumari Shafir. Instead of Ari Shafir. Fumari Shafir. Fumari. Fumari Shafir would have probably gotten you on the list. That's, it's a little wordy. But you did too much with the Buda-church, but if you just came out with Fumari Shafir, you probably gotten you on the list. That's it. But we didn't do much with the Buddha judge, but if you just came out with Fumari Shafir, you're probably going to get on. So we're going to honor that for you. And we're going to edit it for you. We're going to give you a Drexler. We're going to give you a Drexler.

For Fumari Shafir. Nicholas Flores, Jonathan Thorpe. Then we got Tovid, COVID took my smell. Now I see fumes in a different way. Put them on the list. You're on the list. Put them on the fucking list. Very fun. You added a lot of stuff.

Wow. You combine stuff from old episodes, new episodes, different time periods. I really respect what you did. Wow. Wow. You're on the list. Put them on the fucking list. Very fun. You added a lot of stuff. Wow. You combine stuff from old episodes, new episodes, different time periods. I really respect what you did. Wow. Wow. That's a contender. Okay. Then we got father Bill ate my black and white for lunch. Okay. Okay. Alex Altore, Quinn Johnson. Then we got, is Chrissy holding the pen like a short bussor? Put them on the list. Cause I guess I am. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Then we got Chrissy. I like that dude because it's real time commentary. Yeah. Yeah. Then we got Chrissy, Chrissy's dumb truck ass.

Chrissy's dumb truck ass. Okay. Then we got Tiz Viz P. Denkler. Okay. Straight whitey with a bi body. It's what it is. Mitch McConnell's flesh light. Chicken finger.

Paulo Venudo, Paulo Sanchez. Then we got welcome to the world. Welcome to the world. Welcome to the world. Welcome to the world. Welcome to the world. Welcome to the world. Welcome to the world.

Welcome to the world. Welcome to the world. Welcome to the world. Welcome to the world. Welcome to the world. Welcome to the world. Welcome to the world. what it is. Mitch McConnell's fleshlight. Chicken finger. Paulo Venudo, Paulo Sanchez. Then we got welcome to the KKK, Chrissy Chlamydia Clinic, all with K's. Drexler, Drexler. I like it.

Yeah, I like it. Then we got call me dead horse, I'm about to make some glue. Call me dead horse, I'm about to make some glue. I guess because when you kill a horse, they make horses into glue. Oh. It's an interesting one.

Jerk off. Jerk off, yeah, I'm about to make some glue. So he's saying when you kill a horse, horses are what horse hooves make glue. He's saying call me dead horse, because you're going to kill me, because I'm about to make some glue, I'm going to jerk off. Oh, okay, oh!

What do you think? I like it because it's, man. She made a horse sound. Just throw him on the lift. Throw him on the lift or not. Yeah, that's really inventive, yeah. Jared. Gotta reward that.

Gotta reward it. Yeah. Justin Maguire, then we got AOC, can see my O. Cheekslayer. Tudor McGavin. Cheekslayer is with the definition of a chicken. Chicken figure. Kid likes to fuck guys in the butt.

Yeah. Tudor McGavin, instead of Scooter Tudor, like it. Candido, Tom Aguilar, then we got Sauce Monkey Squeak with a tiny piece, I touch my cousin's wuzzy and now she's turned mussy, it's what it is. Okay, we've had very, very. Got him. Then we got Obama's student visa to UCF,

saved him from ice. Okay. Okay. DSW Chinese shoes for six million Jews. Yeah. Put them on. Did we walk into one? I mean, here's the deal. Okay. This is a, this is a dilemma we're constantly having. Okay. Okay. This is a walked into one for sure. Yeah. But it's also brilliant. Okay. So,

what does he say? What do we do here? At the Holocaust people had when you go to the USW shoes. Yeah. They kept all the shoes in the museum. They just got like all those shoes in there six million shoes So that shoes got all dumped like they they dumped the shoes in a pile and then they put that pile in the Holocaust Museum You can see it. Are we okay with that? No, I don't know if we're okay with that. We're not okay with what happened Yeah, we're not okay with the Holocaust is but you're asking but as far as a comedy name Can you just repeat that because he throws DSW in there. DSW Chinese shoes for 6 million Jews.

It's so good. Cause it's shoes are made in China from the DSW. But we can't. Jackson, you're the half Jew here. What do we do with that? You see how good it is. It's very good. Yeah.

Put it on the list. Put it on the list. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. The comedy factor. I mean, the shoes are made in China. Okay. They're making them for the Jews I get it. So then we got Mike Bain. Then we got Gaza aka the war frisbees verse towels put them on the list

Okay, so it's a variation of shirts for a skit. Yes, what is it? ways on seeing So then we got we have definitely the funniest fan base hundred percent in the world. Then we got German offside have definitely the funniest fan base in the world. Then we got German Offside, Louis Vieira, Macha KKK, Caitlin Clark's Clit Missile. Put her on the list. List. Okay, there we go. Then we got this person signed up three times as Caitlin

Clark's Clit Missile. Yeah, well, you didn't need to. You're on the list. Yeah. Yeah. So Chicken Finger on the list. Yeah. Locker Room Talk 2024. Okay. Deathclad. Megan. Then we got the Greek Fumigation Police. Yeah. It's a chicken finger on the list. Yeah. Locker room talk, 2024. Okay. Death clad.

Megan. Then we got the Greek fumigation police. Okay. Anthony Janusa. Then we got two FFs. No more Sandra Dee. If you didn't quit the pod, you'd be as big as MSSP. Oh, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. Yeah. Yeah. It's more of a fact. It's more of a fact. It's true. What it is. It's what it is. I mean, cause yeah. Yeah. But we're Franks and Beeds. We're Franks and Beds and we are who we are. Raquel Lee Schwartz, Corey White, then we got Abdullah Ali, Honda Odyssey, That Cut You Off Was Me. Drekzler.

Drekzler, I like it. Jeffrey McCormick, Ike Hillen, Ike, I think I can't say this one. Cheeky. Wait, can you just cackle it though? I wouldn't. You can't pronounce it. Oh. I think it can't say this one. Um, wait, can you just cackle it though? But I wouldn't. I can't pronounce it. Oh, fuck, he got ya! Yeah!

But I don't know if that's just his actual last name. Oh no, oh no, it's bad. It's real bad. It's real bad, he got ya. Yeah, he got ya, yeah. Okay, so that's out. Yeah, yeah, you walked in one. All right. Sorry about that Jesus Christ that's becoming a little game in it. Yeah, we can't do it. Yeah, they're trying to get you every time cheeky poof with the leaky roof

Drexler, yeah, very funny Drexler. Then we got Bill Cosby's vegetables taste funny Drexler good one. Yeah, Lance Campbell then we got I got clipped as a kid and I forgot till this show. Drexler. Very funny. Yeah. Ryan Shalinski. Then we got Rain Man, Spaceman, 2028. Okay. Tootskoot Boogie.

Then we got St. Joe's locker room photo album, lad of 14 inches. Okay. So they said, yeah. Jesse Powell. He tried. That was a big one. Somebody could come up with something creative with St.

Joe's locker room. Chrissy was in it. Yeah. Yeah. Then we got RFK's wife sat on He tried, that was a good one. Something creative with St. Joe's Lock Room, Chrissy was in it. Yeah. Then we got RFK's wife sat on my face, bitch gave me pink eye, it's what it is. What it is, yeah. Then we got Yannis' Zin Spit on Chrissy's boy clit, hashtag rectal stuffing on third and ragamuffin.

Okay. Okay, let's just, if you edited that down, Yannis' Zin Spit on Chrissy something boys clit Yeah, you might have had it might have got it. Yeah, but alright, so it's just a little lesson Sometimes less is more sometimes you got to just edit Hungry Hippo Big weenie Al big weenie Al's a chicken figure. Yeah. Yeah, then we got straight back and to the left call me JFK Put him on the left. Okay. He's talking about his piece straight back to the left calm JFK Okay, my dad calls

Walk into one walk into that one. She can't do that. That is not okay. Holy shit. Then we got Senate passed Then we got Senate passed a father bill for glue gun control Okay, big Disney glue gums for glue gun control. Big Disney glue gums. Taylor-Ann, Samso, then we got win or lose, Philadelphia will, win or lose, Philadelphia will burn worse than when I pee. Hashtag bring back the Rizzo statue.

Okay, so we are at the Super Bowl now? Yeah. We gotta do an episode to just catch up. I mean, we are almost caught up there, right? Yeah, we're getting there. We're getting there. Cousy wuzzy muzzy hussy with a fumey buzzy bussy. Fumey fuzzy bussy, sorry.

Francis Taylor, Jake Poe, Michael Sorensen. Then we got Michael Rockefeller's barbecued penis. Put him on the list. Put him on the list. That's old school. They listed an old episode. It's really funny. It's funny because he did.

Yeah, those guys at some point were like, we're gonna have a barbecued penis. Yeah, it's just what it is. Yeah, yeah. And it probably tastes good. Winston fumes kill since peace burns like it's World War II still. Cuz ran a train on father Gerbil. Okay.

Sorry. Too long. Yeah. That's a little walked into one as well. Zach Thompson. Then we got German kid here for the content. It's ice with this ice. Okay.

It is what it is. Very funny. Zin hiccups. Anxiety like Yanni P, Coming In Hot and Fumey, Jennifer Schmidt, Chrissies Ran From More Homes Than Saddam Hussein. It's a good one. Good one.

Yeah, Drexler. Jaden Clayson, Daniel Desch, then we got Helen Mirren, B. Smearin, My Jew Glue, All Over Them Pretty 79 Year Old Heavies, kid wants to bang Helen Meehan. Okay. She's kind of hot. She's kind of hot. Chinese to their knees with Chrissy Dees from Undercheese.

Then we got Apecock. Chicken finger. Then we got Lulu lick my balls. Lulu lick my ball shack and give us our rights back Jenkins. Okay. Okay. It's a black kid asking us our rights back Jenkins. Okay. It's a black kid asking for his rights back. Got it. Got it.

Frankie Gore, Yanis Pope-Hoppis walked foreskin first into Walt Disney's basement, that's what it is. Okay. Father Bill's prostate milker, Kevin Gonzalez, Anthony Rodriguez, up and cider, B-Twix, two d dicks is Chrissy D's wish. Jordan Peterson in Arabic. Fuzzy wuzzy was a fuzzy muzzy, it's a character piece.

Ladder 14 got me flicking my bean, gonna make Chrissy D my UCF queen. Then we got insulin not included. Chrissy D hissy needs a new pair of houses. Justin Klaavitz Ketcher, Girth Brooks, we have that one a lot. Uh, Chrissy D Hissy needs a new pair of houses. Justin clavits catcher girth brooks. We have that one a lot. Yeah. Uh, Anthony Dibble, Jeff Bell, Lexi golden Chrissy.

If I die, rip one of your well farts on my fully fume cars, caca, pieces, pieces. Yes. Okay. Latin baby mama. So death threats get my glue gun. Caliente. That's what it is.

Funny drug, sir. Patrick new house, Marco Polo, Mr. Milky, Spider. Chicken finger. I like that. Spider monkey Morales crawling up my leaky roof. Very funny Drexler. Uh, Franks and beans cause uncle

Russell played with my Tussie. Okay. Uh, Buddha dredge, my chicken finger, father Bill's communion wafer. Okay. Chrissy D this is Anne Hathaway, I need your hot glue gun in my tight little fume box, call me back ASAP.

Okay, that's it, I like that. Anne Hathaway's hot. She is so hot. No fumes on Anne Hathaway. Yeah, no, no, no, no. Release the Fart Tapes and no one gets hurt. Mike Maranello, Big Mike's fume and girth worm glued my cheeks together with some Forrest Ken.

Jacob Lee, Tim Dillon's last white blood cell. Funny. Walked into one. Um, then we got Wei Sean Shi Him. Make no mistake. Them's my pronouns. It's what it is. Wei, Wei Sean Shi Him.

Those are my pronouns. Wayne Sean Shi Him. Yes. We put him on the list. Put him on the list. That's a smart one. That's the, that, that is one that just was one that was there for the taking and no one did it. And he's the first one to do it.

Yeah, I'm going to say contender. Then we got, yo Chris, I slapped you in the chest in front of Yankee Stadium and yelled distafino like I knew you personally, my bad cuz. Did that happen? I guess, yeah. I don't remember, was it with my pops? Some kids get excited, yeah. Okay, so here we go, it's the last, and then we're going to go to our list.

Okay. This is, we got a lot. I'm, yeah, we got fee five foe, FOM on the finger and Chrissy's bum. $3 bill for a Blackstone grill. Homer Holloway Jr. Then we got Chrissy deal Chrissy D peel back the fume hood on a muzzy's pee and give it a kiss for me. Oh boy.

Uh, God, it's funny. Uh, Drexler. That's what it is. Yeah. Then we got Biden's secretary of transsexual defense if Donnie wasn't busy building the fence. Put him on the list. Okay. There we go. Oh, God. There's so many, there's so many listers. Then we got pee smaller than Yanni's unibrow? Oh, God, it's good. Drexler. Okay. Then we got Yanni's cyclopapus? Very good, Drexler. I mean Then we got Yanni Tsai Klapopis. Very good. Drexler. I mean, should we, it's unfair at this point.

We have so many. You think there's too many? You think we should stop the list there? Stop. Okay. All right. So, uh. Too many good ones.

All right. Too many good ones. All right. So here, so even though I marked it, we'll stop it there. It's becoming not fair to the Drexlers. All right. Here we go. All right.

Here's the list. Wei-Shan Shi-Han, make no mistake, this is my pronouns. It's what it is. Good one. Straight back and to the left, call me JFK. Okay, we're gonna Drexler that. Drexler. Right away. But good one though, any other day. Michael Rockefeller's barbecued penis. Still in. Still in. Okay. COVID took my smell, now I see fumes in a different way.

Still in. Still in. Is Chrissy holding the pen like a short bussar? Drexler it. Drexler it. Any other day. Call me dead horse, I'm about to make some glue. We're gonna Drexler it. Drexler it. Any other day. Call me dead horse, I'm about to make some glue. We're gonna Drexler it. But good one. DSW Chinese shoes for six million Jews.

It's gonna keep it in. All right, fine. Then we got Gaza, AKA the war of Frisbees versus Howells. We're gonna keep it in. And then Caitlin Clark's Clit missile. I mean, what do we, we gotta keep it in? Okay, okay, okay. So, all right, let's just, we can handle this. Let me read them out

again and we're just gonna have this is what's gonna have to happen. People think this is easy to do. It's not easy. Michael Rockefeller's barbecued penis. No it's funny this is our this is our version of America's Got Talent. Yeah. This is what it is. Okay. So we got Michael Rockefeller's barbecue penis. We got Wei-Shan Shi-Him, make no mistake, they're my pronouns, it's what it is. COVID took my smell, now I see fumes in a different way. DSW Chinese shoes for six million Jews.

Gaza AKA the war of frisbees versus towels. Caitlin Clark's clit missile or Michael Rockefeller barbecued penis. This is tough This is tough What do we feel about? Okay, what do we feel about Caitlin Clark's clit missile? I do love that one. I do love that one too. It's still in. I'm I'm I'm willing to give up on Weishan Sheeham just because it's not as tight as the other ones. Okay. If it was just maybe Weishong Shi-him. I would give it. Okay.

What do you think about that? Yeah, I was going to say that's the most show related. That's why I thought it was great. But I agree with you. If he said my pronouns are Weishong Shi-him. Yeah, if you put it. So almost. That's the definition of a dragster.

Right. In this list. Any other day, he's probably in. But this is a bad list. You're up against Caitlinatelyn Clark's clip missile Yeah, and Michael Rock threes and Michael Rockefeller's barbecue penis And Gaza aka the war frisbees verse towels I think we're gonna direct which directs for that and DSW Chinese shoes for six million Jews

I just don't feel it's a walked into one. So we're gonna put that in a walked into one award Okay, fine give you a walked into it award. we're gonna put that in a walked into one award. Okay, fine. We'll give you a walked into one award. We'll say that here on the show. Now we got two chicken. And COVID took my smell now. I see fumes in a different way, I think as a drag star in this list, personally. I think it's between Caitlin Clark's Clint missile

and Michael Rockefeller barbecue peanuts, which is fun because it's battle of the sexes. It's battle of the sexes. It's a pussy versus dick. And it's also what you call a primo chicken finger war. Those are two chicken fingers. So here it is. So let me hear it. Let me tell you again, Clayton,

Caitlin Clark's clip missile versus Michael Rockefeller's barbecued penis. I'm good. Good match. Yeah, it's a good match up. This is this is Billie Jean King. Yes. This is where the sex is. I am personally on my vote is for Michael Rapoport's barbecue penis.

Michael Rockefeller's barbecue penis. Oh sorry, not Michael Rapoport's. Right. Jesse? Yes. You like barbecue penis? So there it is. The winner is Michael Rockefeller's barbecue penis. Unfortunately, it's just what it is. The men usually win. That's why the WMA gets paid less. Yes. And yeah, it's just Michael Rockefeller's penis is just bigger than Caitlin Clark's clip missile. Yes and all yeah it's just Michael Rockerfeller's penis is just bigger than Caitlin Clark's clip missile. And it's what it is and it's

maybe and it's also part of the show it's an old episode you did your homework so congratulations you win go to history hyenas is back to see your name up there in lights as the PPW and also all our dates and everything and this episode is going to continue right now at patreon.com slash history hyenas