History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Last Lick B4 Lexapro | History Hyenas

Episode Date: August 27, 2026

It’s the boys’ birthday week, so our two favorite lady brains are taking some much-needed self-care time. 💅 But don’t worry—the mayhem continues! Here’s a FREE bonus episode of History Hyenas, normally found behind the paywall at patreon.com/historyhyenas. When the boys are locked away, the chaos gets even crazier. Enjoy the bonus episode—and happy birthday, boys! 🐺🔥 #HistoryHyenas #Podcast #ComedyPodcast #BonusEpisode #Patreon #YannisPappas #ChrisDistefano Support our sponsors: Go to https://zbiotics.com/HYENAS and use HYENAS at checkout for 15% off any first time orders of ZBiotics probiotics. Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/hyenas! #squarepod Ready to reach your goals? Visit https://hims.com/hyenas to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you. To explore coverage, visit https://www.aspcapetinsurance.com/HYENAS Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://store.historyhyenaspod.com Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody, got a new hour standup coming at you. Chris D.comedy.com for Ticicicic. Check me out. I'm in Long Island and Charlotte. We just added Fort Lauderdale, Florida. So go check that out. It went out in December, December 11th and 12th. And D.C., September 25th and 26th. Catch me in Chicago, Batavia, Illinois, October 8th and 10th. Levitown, Long Island, November 6th and 7th. L.A., November 11th. Go get your tickets at Yonest, Pappascomedy.com. Patreon.com slash history hyenas so you can get our episodes early, uncensored ad-free, and our additional bonus episodes, some of our best. Enjoy this app. What's up, everybody?

Welcome to another episode of History. Hyenas coming to you live from the Bay Ridge Den, Bay Route, as we call it, because we have been infiltrated on Fifth Avenue. I'm Krista Stephano, aka. with me as always is Janice Pappas, aka Yanni, the Turk. The Turk. Yanni, the Turk.

I love the Turks. I think all religions are good. People are devoted to them. I think all atheists are good. I think all Agnostis are good. I think all Red Sox fans are good. Yeah. I have no enemies.

I think all Cubs fans are great. Yeah. I also like the Yankees. I like Elliot Page. Yeah, me too. And I just want to say that last week we had on patreon.com says History Hyenas, we had one

of the best Patreon lists we've ever had in the whole length of this show. The winner that you guys voted, scissoring hurts my balls. You are the winner. Go to History Hyenas is back.com. So your name of been lights. The Patreon is a lot of fun.

And sizzering hurts my balls. You are the winner. So that's the kind of fan base we have. We've been trying to figure out what's going on with the fans. And the truth is, is Are fans just scissor with testicles? What I loved about this victory for scissoring hurts my balls is that I went and took a peek on the Patreon to listen to the fan chatter. And the fans were very adamant that this was the strongest list of all time.

I believe it. That's what they kept saying. So I just want to say to scissoring, to scissoring hurts my balls. You didn't win. This wasn't a bubble trophy. This wasn't a LeBron on the Lakers trophy You had competition This was bird magic

This is legit. This is a legit championship You went up against two fucking heavy hitters This is the New York Knicks of this year You won for real You won for real You beat Victor Wenigniah That French alien

This is Muhammad Ali Face in Form And Frazier and the list goes on This wasn't no bullshit championship This wasn't no bullshit guys Cisrin hurts my balls You're a real hero I salute you.

guy and I heard things like people on the picture saying as soon as I heard it I spit out my coffee one guy said as soon as I heard it I tried doing it with my friend I mean yeah that's a 10 out a 10 that's the 10 so and as it turns out me and Chris tried it and it does hurt your balls it does hurt the balls but the problem is because my balls hang so low is yani was just scissering my fucking penis what do we do about when you get older when the balls start hanging low you just start putting them on more people's heads because should we start a business of history hyenas underwear where we there's a ball bra in the underwear. Yes.

For guys over 40. Guy, you got to, Jess, you're going to have to put the air conditioner back on. I'm sorry, the audio. My glucose is dropping. I'm starting to sweat it out. We had, if you listen to the Patreon, we had a, we had a critic, my glucose monitor was going off. It was getting into the 50s.

We just ate, okay? I'm not going to get Carvel, but I am thinking about it. And now we're up to 116, so now we're too far the other way. So we had a sub-bike. Because that's no way. What is it in your life for personality that finds the medium ground?

Yeah, I, because. So this kind of, your numbers, your numbers and you run the same. It's with you. Too low, too high. Well, you go this way,

you go that way. Right. How do I stay here? You're never in between going, I like it here in the middle. So, okay. You're going, let's go too harder, let's not go at all.

So what's something you're asking me is what's something that I do feel calm that I just feel calm when I'm there I don't feel like I have to go a million different ways honestly lately what I've been feeling is sitting on my stoop my mom stoop in Ridgewood I feel really nice there so you want to go back in time I'd like to go back in time is that possible can you make it happen guy because dad I can't even make I can't even make the neighborhood what it was when you used to go to John's pizzeria what is it called Joe and John John John John's God rest his soul God rest Joe's soul God rest

John Salt. Here it goes. Chrissy, what's going on? Hey, how are you doing? What's going on? Yeah, it's Kevin. Yeah. Your mom's at work?

Yeah, because you got the only mom that works. We're coming over again and we're ordering Chinese food. So go ahead. Put your Giants jersey on your helmet and your mom's high heels because we're kicking you down the stairs when they're rig the dog on. It's one is. We're not going to order from leaves. This time we're getting from a new spot that's open walk and roll on Merrill Avenue.

There's a place that's called walk and roll. And then we're going over to stay there. Anthonyaceous or St. Thomas. St. Matthias, a piece of shit. Yeah, because we ain't out no Greek Muslim churches. Yeah. And we're going to go over there. We're going to play ball.

And if we get good enough, we're going to go a couple blocks over to Bushwick and play the African Americans. Yeah, we would play our farm. They said African Americans. We would go. We would get in the car. We would go to Farmers Oval. We'd get in a car.

We called it the Dart. My boy Eric had, was the only one in the car. He called it the Dart. And we would go, we'd check Farmers Over first. If Farmers Over look light, we'd go to 88th, which is on 88th Street. in Myrtle Ave. Then if that was whack, we'd go to where else where would we go?

We'd go to 68. There was a park down there at 68. And then we'd go to Central Park, but it was on Central Avenue, not Central Park in the city. There was a park on Central Avenue in Queens, and we would go there, and we didn't love playing it

because they had the double rims. And since I was a shooter, it's much harder to get the ball in when you're shooting on the double rims. We would look for places with the singer rooms, but there was this guy, and there was a kid who used to play there. He used to call Mullins because he looked at Chris Mullen.

And he was wet. Yeah. Be honest with me. No, Cus, let me tell you right now because my bloodshook is 120. I'm going to be fucking honest with you. Did you think that you were able, did you and your friend group think that you were even able to go into Manhattan? Or did you really believe for a certain time period that you needed a passport to go? I am not kidding around with you.

I know like we joke around a lot, but I'm being 100% serious. I played basketball when I was 17 for the, for, it was called Christian. Tabernacle, it was the Spanish, you know, religion, like the, you know, the Christians that, like, you know, start wailing at the wall and, like, going crazy and, like, Jesus shot them with love. I played on that basketball team. They had tryouts in the park at Farmers Allman. I was shooting around, and the coach, Coach Ray was like, do you want to try out? So I tried out. And I was, like, you know, one of the best players on that team. And we were driving to a game, and the game was in Harlem. And I didn't know that. And I had just started driving. And we were driving through Queens,

and we were driving to the 59th Street Bridge, and I realized I had only ever drove seen the 59th Street Bridge. I never drove over it, and I saw us that you had to make the left to go over the 59th Street Bridge, and I pulled over on the sign and told the guys, I can't do it.

I swear to God, I could have to go over. Like the Trubin Show. We had to call. I had a Nokia cell phone. I had to call Coach Ray, and I told him that my car broke down. And he was like, all right, leave the car there.

The church will pay for a cab for you. We had to hail down a cab. There was no Uber back then, and we took a cab, but the car was perfectly fine. It was a Pontiac Gran. that was purple. It's my stepmother's, we used to call it the flying eggplant.

Yeah. Or some people call it the fly. It's just the truth. I'm being honest with you. I didn't say it before my friends would say. Record history. Record history. Yeah.

So the flying egg plant and I called and I got real nervous and I said I can't go over that. And then I remember that one of the guy, he's like a famous pastor now. He's got like a bunch of Instagram files. He hit me up like three years ago. And he was like, oh, remember that time we couldn't drive over the 59th Street Bridge? I was like, yeah, it was crazy. He was like, you didn't have car trouble. You were just scared.

I was like, yeah. I had a feeling because that was a big deal going to the city. Going to the city, I realized I had looked at the 59th Street Bridge, I had looked at the Brooklyn Bridge, I had looked at the Manhattan Bridge, all from the Brooklyn and Queens side. But I had never been over them unless I was in the back of my grandfather's car. Shout out Pops. If I was in Pops' car in the back, we'd go over and we'd have a nice day in the city.

But I never drove over it. And the first time I ever drove over any bridge whatsoever was the Varizano Bridge, sat down at my father and I had to put the hazards on and he was he had me in an all black Oldsmobile old school car that was the first car I ever drove that was his old car and this is the very first time I went over the bridge he told me to put the hazards on stay in the middle lane and then we hit kind of like a little speed bump on the bridge that was only only going 25 miles an hour and all the doors flung open and there must have been a point where just naively you figured hey let me bring up one of my passions let me just

Hey guys, I went over I went and checked out that historic building Which is the one right by here It's the old Dutch home The under dunk house The under dunk house Hey guys, I got an idea Instead of going to get pizza, Ices

Play basketball Try to talk to Polish and Puerto Rican girls Instead of doing that today Do you guys want to go to the uncredunk house Under dunk house Because that was the first time And I know what happened You naively said it because you're passionate

You said it from passion You had a good idea for something different for you and the boys to do today. Yeah. And that's when you quickly discovered that that was a gay fact. That was a gay fact. That was a gay thing you said. Well, I'll never forget. And to push that down.

I told you, we were by Catalpa Avenue, which is one of the main streets that runs through Ridgewood over there. You got very good restaurants off Catawpa Avenue now that weren't there when I were a kid. But I never forget, I was walking with two of my friends. And we were dribbling basketballs because we would always, I made a rule, if we were going to walk because everyone wanted to work on their ball handling. we would everybody would have to leave their house and we would always have a basketball so we would practice dribbling on the way to the park and I noticed that one of the signs

that we walked past that wasn't green normally New York City streets are green but they were designated brown historic and I said that means like that's historically designated area and I can't prove it but within 30 seconds of that we were walking dribbling and one of the kids I think it was the kid Kyle

hit me in the back of the head with the ball so they would do that a lot I was the kid where I'd be standing around, whatever, like dribbler and not looking, and a ball would hit me in the face. Which, I got hit in the face with a ball by my friends a lot. Yeah, you don't want to let those kids know that your knowledge curious. No. That's like being bi-curious. Yeah. You put that in the closet. You don't want them know that it's like thinking about guys. Yeah. That's something you want to tell you friends. I remember one time we got into like a huge fight with another like, you know,

a graffiti gang in the park and the guys were fighting. Like the guys, like it all just happened so quickly and I got scared. So I yelled at one of the kids and said, I'm going to go get the car. So I ran it. I got the car and I pulled it up and they all ran into the car and I sped out like I was a hero, but I was really just too scared to get beat up. We just had about eight slices of pizza and I, you know, when you have that feeling that rumbles in your stomach, I know guaranteed I'm going to put soup into that toilet. You're going to have diarrhea? It's going to be, as the Greeks say, supa.

Super. I'm going to make shit soup. See, I have diarrhea coming. See, I don't really suffer from diarrhea to, I do get diarrhea once in a while. But for me, I've been noticing lately my stomach, I've been getting a lot of acid. in the stomach and the chest. Does that just happen as we get older? It's like tomatoes.

Are you eating a lot of tomatoes? Well, I just had six slices of pizza and a chicken pinini, and I am going to get Carvel on the way to get my steps out. So every time I have tomato or I had to give up orange juice completely, because every single time I have heartburned, I am a regular consumer of omaproposol. Right. A regular consumer.

Like that, you take it every day. Not every day, but I would say maybe once a week. Right. Do you still take those pencil thin chips? Because I got a wild memory that I remember, right? Because you told me that maybe once. Yeah, but the thing is I had my fucking smash bean check. You're good.

And they're good. I mean, I do, I think I do. Because I want you to move back into this apartment with Brittany. I remember you and Brittany living in this apartment. I would sleep on the couch and come over with my daughter. I want to go back to my old life. How do we go back? But I can still keep my family.

You can't go back because when you were in that life, you wanted out of that life, too. Yeah, but now, but I've changed. It doesn't sound like it. Because, but I've changed. Now I've learned my lesson. Just give me back my old life. If I start turning red, it means that, you know, I'm going to try.

Now we got something to play for. Do you want to go shit? I'm in between. Right now, I know it's coming. I know I'm doomed. I know I'm definitely. Well, at least the bathroom is clean because it was seriously a nightmare. Yeah, I had to clean.

Who cleaned it? Who cleaned it? I cleaned it. You cleaned that bathroom? I cleaned it. Yeah. Why is your toilet seat all green? in there.

What was a green spot? Yeah. Oh, that's bacteria. That's bacteria. That accumulates when you don't clean it. Got it. That's bacteria.

That's bacteria. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, listen, what you were saying, what you were saying,

what you were saying, we were saying, diarrhea. Diare. I'm, you know, we talked about something Patreon. I'm excited. I'm going to go home and pack.

We're going to Colonial Williamsburg. I'm probably just going to wear this outfit every day. I'm going to go on roller coasters. I'm excited about it. I'm going to start. I'm getting back on the peptides. I'm going to start back on.

Now we're going to try trezepatide. We were on Reda Trututide. We're going to try Trezepatide because I've been eating. I have a bottomless pit. The way I've been eating is truly insane. I can't explain like I'm getting fat. I can't stop eating. It's actually scaring me.

But I'm going to start Trezepotide, but I'm going to start it when we get back for my trip on Friday. Right, right. I'm going to start it. I have a new agent now. Now, why did you say, why did you make a deal with yourself that you're going to start it after the trip. Because I don't want to, because I want to just be able to eat

and enjoy myself at Bush Gardens. Right. At the amusement park, they have all different countries in there. They have like an Italian section, an Irish section, and the Italian section has really good spaghetti and meatballs, and I don't want to have no appetite from the transepitine.

I want to eat it. That's why. And I want to get, and I want to get little ice creams and stuff with my kids, and I know if I'm on Trezepitine, I'll look better and I'll feel better, but it makes you not want to eat and you have to force it down.

And I don't want to do that. I want to have fun. I want to get a funnel cake. You know, the problem is just treats everywhere. The problem is treats everywhere. And I'm sorry, guy, I'm sorry that I like to have fun and I like to live my life. Right. Right?

I'm sorry that I like to do that. I don't do drugs, really. I barely drink, but I like to eat and have a good time. And I like to feel free. And I like to imagine what life would have been like if I made some different choices. And I like to sit in those thoughts for hours. Right. Yeah, that's the thing.

They say life is understood, life is live forwards, but understood backwards. Right. That's what they say. Yeah, like, I'm understanding now the choices that I made and, you know, and you're just one of those things because I have to go through them. So I'm telling you, if you could just figure out a way for me to go back and everyone could just move back here and we can start over with Bay Ridge, I promise I'll be a good point.

So what would have it? If we started over from there, you would just make a bunch of different decisions. I'd make a bunch of different decisions. I would make a bunch of different decisions, but it's going to require you, Brittany, moving back here. What would your life look like with those different decisions? Okay. So number one, because I want to keep my kids.

I want to have the same. Well, only one would be here. Right. So that's what I'm saying. So I want to bend the rules a little bit where I'm going to take my little daughter with me into the past, even though she wouldn't theoretically have been born yet, but I want her with me. So I need her. Right.

And then, so they're both there now. But both there. Okay. The kids are there. We would be in an apartment. that we have a view of the water. Right. I always, I always, I'm always looking for places that have views of the water, but I'm never

buying places that have views of the water. Right, right. So I always say, I want a view of the water. And then they'll show me a place with a view of the water. I say, that's not right. But you're a short walk to a view of the water now. I'm a short walk to the view of the water. Very short walk to the view of the water.

Yeah. But I can't see it from any part of my house, and it just bothers me. So I want to have a view of the water. So number one, I would not be in the suburbs. I'd be in the city there. So I'd be in the city. If I would be in Bay Ridge, I'd be down by the water. I'd have my kids back in Catholic school.

Right. Because they're going to school with a lot of, let's just say, not Catholic people. Right. And so I don't love that. So I would go have my kids in Catholic school. I would have a view of the water. I would probably do our podcast. I would keep everything right here, make this studio,

or would get to studio down somewhere in Bay Ridge. And I would probably go out to eat less because I would spend less money on food outside and trying to control my eating. I'd cook more at home. And I would go to Banass Academy with Antony every day in the morning. That would be a beautiful day as I'd go at 6 a.m. and get a nice working in. I'd walk my kids at Catholic school. I'd work on some of my joke writing at a coffee at Cafe Cafe, the Norwegian Coffee Shop, in, In Bay Ridge, I would look at pictures of Erling Holland that they have on the wall and go in the bathroom and jerk off.

Then I would go get Greek food because Greek food keeps me healthy. You and I would go walk. We'd bring the dog back, Ila. You'd go with the dogs. And we'd go run around on the fields and have fun with them. And then I would go pick my kids up from school, be with them, be a present, active father, be present and active with my wife. We'd go do things. Maybe we'd have a dinner that she would home cook and we'd eat it outside.

We'd have like a little balcony. We'd eat it outside and have fun. And then I would tell the kids that I was going to the city. But I would really be going up to the wicked monk where I know one of the bartenders is secretly gay and I'd hit the glory hole. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

What's up? Chris? What's going on? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no. Views of the water can be annoying. It can be real annoying. Yeah.

Yeah, you get a little glare from the sun. I get it. I get it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the ships make a lot of noise. Yeah, no.

Yeah, no. Living up there does sound like it could be good. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone's moving out of the city. I tell you, that's what everybody's there. Yes. I agree.

Everybody's moving out of city. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, totally. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's better.

Yeah. It's better over there. For sure. For sure. I don't, glucose? Yeah. Yeah Drexstylides?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're back? Yeah. That's the way. That's got to be the way. That's got to be the way. Peptides for the rest of the lot. That's what we're going to do.

Yeah. We're going to peptides every day. We're going to shoot. Yeah. I'm going to get them too. I'm going to get a whole draw full of on-the-line legal peptides.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, from here on in. Absolutely, absolutely. All right, let's do it. I hear you, man, for sure. Yeah, no, I'm quitting comedy, too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Let's speak to you that. So, yeah. Yeah, yeah, so I got to do diarrhea bad. You're going to do it? I have to do it bad. Should I keep going or should we pause?

Whatever you want to do. Wow, this is pretty crazy that this is quick. I have to shit bad. This is going right through me. Interesting. I wonder what happened. It could be that parasite. I may have the parasite.

That parasite's going around bad. What's it called Cyclopsa? Yeah, they say it's bad, right? Yeah. I mean, but they say all this shit's bad. I mean, I'm sure it is bad. You're not a roller coaster guy, right? You don't like Bush Gardens?

I would go on a roller coaster. Yeah? When's the last roller coaster you've been on? Man, it's been forever. I haven't been on a roller coaster in probably like 10, 15 years. Where'd you go? Where was I? Great Adventure, maybe?

No. I love. great adventure when I was a kid. Me too. I loved it. Me too. But I remember the first, I went on the Cyclone. In Brooklyn, Coney Island.

Coney Island, yeah. That might have been the last one I was on. It was a cyclone, which is rickety as shit now. It's still there? It's still there. Still rickety. There was a guy who died on the cyclone. When?

Some Japanese guy, he was a tourist. And he went on the cyclone. And it whipped him around so bad that he had a crack in his neck and he died the next day. It was outrageous. Like, this is recent? Yeah, I think within the last like 10 years or so. Really? Yeah.

Yeah, I can look it up. Yeah. Yeah, Japanese guy. Yeah, dude. Somebody died on a Disney ride, like, last year, a guy with special needs. Really? Yeah, because these drops and shit, like, it could give you a heart attack. You've got to know what's going on.

Yeah, I mean, they whip you around. 2008. 2008. Sue Citi. Yeah, so the family is suing the city. Fracted his neck, but that was back in 2008. Okay, so he has a little longer than I remember. Do you have the same thing that I suffer from, the nostalgia, you always want to go back in time, or not really?

The only way I want to go back in time is I want to make some bets. I want to make some purchases. Right. I'd go back a year from now and buy a shitload of micron stock. Yeah. Just be chilling right now. Yeah, like fucking Biff from, what's the movie? Back to the future.

Yeah, yeah. So you don't suffer from like, oh, you see 2008. You're like, man, my life in 2008. Sometimes, yeah, I'm like, man, it would be nice to go back. But just because I would want to do things like you were saying, just a little different. Right. Because I'm pretty happy where I am now, but, you know, a little bit more cheddar would be kind of nice. Yeah.

But that's what everybody wants, right? Yeah, a couple more dollars. You know what my therapist told me? He said the thing is with you is the reason why people always say you're stressed out or this or that is because your little impulses that you have in your mind. Because we all feel that. We just don't share them. You're always sharing them. You're always sharing all your thoughts.

He was like, which is, you know, a good thing and a bad thing. But he was like, that's why you feel. That's why sometimes people look at you and like, wow, this guy's crazy. Because he was like, we're all having crazy thoughts. But you don't, you don't say it or you think about it for a second. You're like, that's crazy. But he's like, you, for whatever reason, your thoughts just keep going and going and going. And then you start to want to live that.

Like he was like, we've all felt, oh, you know what? We're living in this house. We don't love it. We should sell. But you don't do it. But you actually do it. He's like, so you have. So he's like, there's a beauty in this.

that. You know, you're just going, you know, and some would argue you are living life to the flows because you're just acting on all your thoughts. But the problem with that is then you're out of control, you're off balance, you know, and you're going in a million different directions. So as I'm getting older, it's like, you know, what is it what, you know, he always tells me is like, is this an inconvenience or is this an emergency? Your brain is always wired to think emergency. And one thing I read, you ever read the book, The Body Keeps Score? No, but I've heard of it. Yeah. So the Body Keeps Score, he really encouraged me to read. and I have, so many of these anxiety impulses we have, it's because of an old trigger.

That's something that really did happen, but your brain doesn't use words. Your brain goes by feelings. So something will pop up deep in your subconscious and your brain thinks you're reliving that trauma. So your heart starts to beat. So the way you get out of that is by physical touch. So like when you're having an anxiety tag, you start tapping your feet. Because then what happens is your brain snaps out of the anxiety and say, hey, what's that new

thing? And then you start to say, okay, I'm comment. down or you start to, you know, touch your body a little bit, push down, feel a different sensation, you close your eyes, what can I smell in the room, what can I taste in the room, what do I hear? Because if not, your brain's just going to keep going in this loop. The thing is, is a lot of times, well, not a lot of times, every time your brain just can't differentiate the real trauma that happened to from the fake trauma. Your brain is always going to, that's an emergency when it's almost never an emergency.

Do you, so when you think about the past, right, you think I can go back and I could, it would be perfect, right? I would get it right. Sure. Yeah. So what about the future? When you think about the future, do you get freaked out? Like when you, when you, when you fast forward like 10, 20 years, are you getting nervous?

So, so it's interesting, right? I keep telling myself, hey, just like, you know, I want to be in the moment with my kids. Because, you know, when you have little kids, it's like, it's a weird thing, right? Like, grant, you know, God willing, I live a long, healthy life. my kids live a long healthy life. The majority of my time, I know my kids, I'll know them as adults, right? I'm only going to know them as kids for this very short period of time. So I don't want to speed that time up, but at the same token, I know that, like, I keep telling

myself, oh, just stay healthy, stay as healthy as you can to, like, you're in your mid-50s, and then, like, you'll get your life back. But then when I'm in my mid-50s, I'll probably be like, I wish I could go back to my 40s when my kids were little. You would be part of that, yeah. So it's like this balancing act. And Yanni's back. And Yanni's back.

How was the shit? It was really good. It was almost worth getting diarrhea for how good it felt coming out. So, Dad, do you feel complete relief? No, I definitely got a case of what they call the reruns. Now, this will be syndicated. Now, here's the thing with you. And just because I know, you just took a really messy, disgusting shit.

And I just know, because I've been in there, you don't have any soap in the bathroom. So you have shit fingers. No, what we... Unfortunately, you have shithands. You're Edward shithands. What we do have is... a thing called the Tushy in there. So I was able to really give my

butthole a bath. You were able to give your butthole a bath but make no mistake. You have shit hands. I didn't hear the water at all. Yeah. Oh, the water. Oh, I gave my butthole a nice bath. So you didn't even attempt to run water on your hands, you filthy, filthy Greek. And here's the problem is I got

a shit again. Oh, no. So it's just what it is. Yeah, it's bad like that. So Janus is here and then he's out and then he's here again with absolute shit fingers. You better wash your hands with that Ajax dishope that I see right out of the shot. Cause, I got to tell you about this game-changing product that I used before a night out with drinks. And this is coming off the top of my head.

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Try for yourself today, and if you are unsatisfied, they will refund your entire order. No questions as. Head to Zbiotics.com slash hyenas, code hyenas for 15% off your first order. Yeah, because you just want to focus on the positive aspect of drinking, not the next day. Ooh, square, guys, you're a square. It's a platform behind the scene. So many businesses of you already love, everywhere you go, you see a little square. Yes, square.

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smarter with square get started today he stinks yeah yeah so i didn't hear the i didn't hear the faucet i didn't hear the faucet dude i mean that's shit fingers dude i mean yeah well you know what it is too you know i always thought about it like like you're at a point now Right? You're 50? Mm-hmm. Yeah. 51.

So, like, you don't, you know, your lady and I, you don't, your kids are, you've accepted, I'm never having children. Maybe. You might have kids. Maybe I'll adopt a kid. You want to adopt, you'll do something. Yeah. So there's a part of you that wants to be a father.

You know what it is? I've never really thought about it until recently. Maybe it's listening to you guys talk, but it does seem kind of nice, you know. But, you know, my brother has kids. He's has young kids, so I get a little piece of it there. But then there's another part of me that's like, I'm, pretty happy where I am now. Like you,

can you sit there and, and, like, realize, like, the freedom that you have and be like, thank God, like, I can just,

like, you can go home tonight. Yeah. And you can just, if you want to lay on the couch, you'll do that. Yeah, yeah.

And that doesn't, there's not a loneliness. Like, you don't feel incomplete. You feel like, wow, what a gift. No,

yeah, I don't feel that. Sometimes I feel like it would be nice. You know, it would be like a bonus. Right. But I don't feel like I'm missing something.

I never felt that. You know, if I did feel that, then I'd probably act on it. Right. But who knows, man? Life is long. You never know what could happen. Well, that's the thing, too, it's like, especially for men. It's like, dude, how many, I mean, plenty of guys have kids in their 60s now.

Absolutely. Yeah, I got a friend who's on the dating apps a lot. How old is he? He's 50. Okay. And he's having a great time out there. He's meeting a lot of chicks. And there's like 30s, right?

30s. And he's telling them that he has a vasectomy, even though he doesn't. That's like he opens up with that. Right. Because a lot of these chicks want to settle down, you know, they want it. And so that's his opening line. So if you want to have sex still, you know it's like not about procreating. It's just, yeah.

Absolutely. Because he's catching women right at that time where they're thinking like this is it. So when he tells him he has a vasectomy are some of these women being like there's no second date type thing? I think they're trying, you know, it's like women will, if you tell them you're gay, they'll try and turn you straight. I think they're like I could work on this guy. You can get a reverse. Yeah.

There's things we can do. Oh, my God. It must be so fun. 50. I'm sure he was married before, right? Ex-wife now. So in his mid-50s, decent enough-looking guy? He's a physical therapist.

Okay. Yeah, he's in great shape. Great shape. Got a good job. Makes money. Makes money. Yeah. Does he have kids, too?

He's got an older daughter, a daughter who's grown already. A grown-up daughter? Yeah, she's already in the workforce, yeah. Yeah, so he's just out dating. He's dating like three, four times a week. So does he, so speaking to a guy like that, who's older, a little bit older, has kids already, does he love his life now? He's loving it.

I think it's his hobby. Dating is his hobby. It's like, well, because there's got to be something. Because there is one thing like about like I love, my family, you know, I love my wife. I love my kids. But that's why I spoke on the Patreon, going to Tribeco with them yesterday felt so amazing to me because it was like a new experience for them. So it feels like you're almost with like a new thing. I think sometimes when you're sitting in the suburbs, you do the same thing every day.

You're in the yard. You're in the house. You're at the same store. So I think it's so important if you're going to, you know, make it. with your family while your kids are little, and if you're living out in the suburbs, you have to change things up. You have to make it a point like,

hey, on Wednesdays, we're going to do a family night. We're going to go out and do something different because I think what your friend is probably feeling is like that, you know, they say like new pussy, but it's like it's really just like a new energy.

It's like a new person, a new set of chemicals, a new circumstance. And our brains crave that. Absolutely. Yeah, he's thrilled by it. It seems a little exhausting,

though. Oh, I'm sure. You have to, you know, You have to go, you have to perform a little bit, you know, you have to whine and dine. Yeah, it's not like he's dating, you know, it's like every woman is like whatever, the first, second or third date, you got to dress up, you got to be, like have a plan. Absolutely.

You know, so that, that kind of sucks. I know that that could be exhausting. And then eventually you're going to get an STD, just eventually. Eventually, he's going to get an STD. Absolutely. He's going to get that freaking diarrhea virus. Like, eventually, they're saying now there's an STD, there's an diarrhea STD. Really?

Yes. It's a big one. It's like some diarrhea STD that's just popping around. So you'll catch it and you just start diarrheaing. That's what it is. I don't know if it's amongst gay men or like it has something to do with anal, but there is a big explosion of diarrhea STD. I take that over herpes any day.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Well, that's a forever one. Herpes. Yeah, that's forever. Yeah. I take that over chlamydia. A buddy of mine's a doctor.

He works a city MD, so he's all over the city. He, you know, they rotate him around. He says the biggest cases of STDs he sees is in Williamsburg. Really? He said Williamsburg is out of control. What is he seeing, chlamydia? He sees chlamydia. He sees monkey pox.

Monkey pox? That's big amongst gay men. Yeah, he said a lot of frisky gay guys coming to the clinic. Yeah, and you know what he has to do? He has to bend them over, spread them open and investigate. Oh, because the monkey pox will be in their ass? It's in their ass, yeah. Wow.

Yeah, dude, I knew a gay guy once who had gonorrhea in his throat. Oh, he told me about that. Good friend of mine. I had gonorrhea and he showed me like, you know, I saw it like he was getting treated but it was like day two,

it's bad. I was like, does that, do you feel it? He was like, what do you think? He was like, it feels like the worst sore throat

I've ever had on my life. That's like strep throat on. No, dude, it was strep throat on. His entire tonsils to like, you know, what he was showing me with his phone was white.

Oh, that's disgusting, the gland swollen like that. And that's from sucking a dirty cock? Have to be. How else could you get gone? Donnery in the throat. Yeah, I think, you know, but it is, it is, it is what, you know, I joke around about selling

the house. I'm not going to do that. But I, I have found it very, very, very, very, very difficult to, I've always had trouble settling down, you know, with the house, whatever. I want to give it time, but very difficult settling in the suburbs. It's a very different energy. It's small. Like there's a rumor going on around about me.

Not even a rumor. It's just like, because people, the. gym I go to. It's like a like a, it's F-45. So it's like a fitness classes, right? And you're going one station to the next, to the next, to the next, to the next. And then you like do a lap around the gym, like run out, run around outside. And then that's it. You do stretching and you leave. And somebody said, somebody told like one of my wife's friends like, oh yeah, I saw that comedian guy at the gym. He doesn't wipe down his equipment. And now they're like, we're gossiping about that. It's like, this is what the kind of people you're going to be around. It's

It's like, you're going to be around people like that's what they're talking about. They've got such small lives. Right, such small lives. And it's like, I'm not even that big of a fish or anything like that, but I'm the only comedian that lives in the town. So they watched every move I made to say something about me. That's gross, dude. But that's the suburbs. Yep, that's the suburbs.

So, all right, shit, shit, he's back. How is it? Good. Now, how do you feel? How is the second batch? The second. And now you're wiping your face with your shit fingers. The thing is, the sequel's never as good as the original.

Your hair looks good, though. Does it? It actually does. It looks a little dry, but it looks nice. So I shit myself into Handsome. Yeah, you did. That's what I did. Now, is it, it's pure water?

No, I would say it's a mixture somewhere between solid, liquid, and gas. I'd say it's the Holy Trinity and diarrhea. I was going to say solid liquid gas, it's the planets. It's the cosmos. The cosmos are the Holy Trinity. You got the solar system coming out of your eyes. It's God in three forms except it's shit. Now, let me ask you this guy like, sit.

What else did you eat? Today, this morning, I had the leftover of my daughter's bagel with cream cheese on those little frozen bagels that my wife makes you eat. You know, my- So we've had almost zero protein. I've had almost zero protein today. I don't track stuff the way that I should. I'm also not losing weight in the way that I should. Yeah, because you've now, this is the fourth time I've known you for 14 years now. this is the fourth or fifth time you've said

I'm going to get in shape again this is going to be my last shot I'm going to try to get it going and this is the longest it's taking you to get it going I've known you do I've known you for 14 we've been friends for 11 it's what it is that's the truth you know how Jesus had the missing years

that's what we had but God I've known you that long 14 I was sending you DMs because we started out as two fat guys on MSG yeah but I was sending you let me see if I could find him I was sending you DMs. I was sending you DMs asking to move the equipment for you.

Yeah. Like 15 years ago. Yeah, that was a long time. Did we ever read them out? Yeah, we read them out. Oh, we did? On the first Reich or this one? I think on both Reichs we did.

Well, let me just see if I, sometimes I like to do that. I like to go back, like I'll look at some of the first messages I ever sent Sergio and I'll cry because I just want to go back to 2009. Jesse said that it's okay, that I want to go back at time that we all do it a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, those thoughts happen. I think the difference with you is you're going to try to make it happen. And here's the thing. I believe in you so much.

I think you might be able to do it. I might be able to make it happen. You're that guy who revolutionizes things. You got, let's do a 6 p.m. show. Yeah. And listen, people are doing 6 p.m. shows. Yeah. I just did R. You Garbage Live.

They did a 6 p.m. show. I said, where'd you get that idea? Yeah. You're the type of guy who says, listen, I want to go back in time. You may be able just because the will of the energy, that comes with your will big head of my big butt to try to do things that are not possible

you might be able to make some leeway because yeah I think I I'm able to do it I think that that's what it is well no no the wedding I'm happy with

the wife I'm happy with the kids I'm happy with I do just want to go back I want to I would love to sell my house and move back to Queens and I would love to make it happen and get my kids back in their own lives It's August 1st. I would love to get it done in four weeks. So let me ask you this.

I want you to ask me. Were you happy in Queens? Was that the place you wanted to stay? No. Well, what it was was is I didn't like that. Or did you want to stay in Staten Island the place that you wanted to leave? Which one of these places do you want to stay?

The ones you wanted to leave. Let me tell you something right now, guy. The first thing I should have never did ever is leave Bay Ridge to begin with. I should have never did that, but I did that. But, but if I could go do any, anything over again and go back in time, I would have never, ever sold the house in Staten Island because that has created this chain of events.

So why did you sell the house in Staten Island? Because at the time I wanted to go to Queens and be closer to the action, and I thought that, you know, I eventually, because I always wanted to get to the city. Wait, so you wanted to be closer to the action in Queens? Closed to the action, I guess, in the city there. Even though theoretically I was closer to the city in Staten Island. I think you're driving. theoretically closer to the action now than you are from Staten Island with traffic.

No, with traffic with Staten Island would only take me like 30 minutes to get to the city. It takes you about 30 minutes now. No, yeah, but to downtown. To downtown takes up over an hour. Oh, specifically downtown. I like to be downtown. 30 minutes to downtown. I want to be downtown and hat.

So we're talking about a 10, 15 minute difference here of discomfort? No, no, but I'm saying I should have never because what I realized now that I didn't, that I didn't realize back then is that. that my kids had stability in Staten Island. I took that from them by uprooting, and then we uprooted from Queens, and then we're here, and now we're in the school system.

And you want to uproot them again. Right, because I like, but that's the thing. I like the school system. I don't love it. I want them being Catholic school. I want, I want just some of the old world back.

So I keep theorizing in my head, maybe moving them back to their old lives won't be as detrimental as crazy, but I decided I can't move to them again, but I have decided I'm selling the house. I'm just going to live in the same town and a smaller house. What if we got law enforcement involved?

Yeah. And they said, right, the next decisions you make are going to be the decisions you stick to or you go to jail. Yeah, is that what we got to do? Then I'll stick to them. I think we need to get law enforcement involved. And because speaking of, because the last episode, fans really liked when I said that you needed a restraining order against yourself. It's just because it is the truth.

And because I'm really just, I'm almost take, I feel like I'm taking my last licks right now. I'm eating whatever I want a few days before I start the triseptide and the cholesterol medicine and I want to feel like I want to do whatever I want, like I want to sell the house and make a few more crazy decisions before I start the Lexer Pro. So I'm calling it last licks. I got lightheaded. I'm calling it last lick. It's the same reason why you don't want to start the new diet until after you go to Colonial

Williamsburg because I just want to get my last licks in. So let me do one more for sale. Let me do one more. Let me do one more. Let's get a divorce and live in an apartment. Let me do one more for I take the Lexer Pro and then we'll be good. Ooh, honey, you know, you said something nice about me. The other day you said that I look good and I look nice and thin.

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My dog, Freddie, my little guy. I love Freddie. He's a lab pit mix. So he goes into water and, you know, the water makes you wet. And unfortunately, that makes you susceptible. hot spots and little open source and it spread is a little bacteria. I had to go get some anti-bacterial forum. Some, what do you call those? Little freaking antibiotic cream. And thank God I was covered because that helped with the bottom line prize. ASPCA pet health insurance program. They offer that

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PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. I don't know. I wasn't brought up Catholic. So here's the thing, here's the situation. And I'm okay with the episode being about this because this is fine. Because we're supposed to talk about the Battle of Hastings. We'll talk about that next episode. And maybe we'll get to the Battle of Hastings, which is a town in Westchester. Let me ask you this. I don't know much about Catholicism. I used to go with my friend when I was little and I'd go. And now he's on a park bench, cracked

out. No, he's Jewish. Okay. Can we cackle that? No, but he's not going to listen. He's homeless. No, you got to... There's no way they don't know who he is. Never know. Yeah, but how many know we're talking about him? We didn't mention a name or anything, right? A lot of crackout kids.

I mean, because I could smell your shit. I left the door open. It's going to waft it here. I don't know a lot about Catholicism, but I'm just trying, because let me just tell you something, honestly, as your friend guy. From the outside looking in,

everything's great. Yeah. The only hint that I get that things are bad is from your description of it. Well, that's what I was telling Jesse. So it doesn't match up. So that's what I was telling Jesse. Is it just that you have a problem when things are good?

No, what I was telling Jesse was what my therapist said is I have a lot of compulsive thoughts or impulsive thoughts, which is normally. He said a lot of people think about their life being different. A lot of people think about for a moment of their day, oh, what would I look like in a different house? What would I look like with a different life? That's very normal. He said the difference is you act on it.

You and you and the thoughts get stuck in your head, in your thought loop. He was like, so really the only difference between you and someone who's more normal is they're not acting out on the thought and it's not. stuck in a time loop in their head. So for you, that's why he thinks meditation. He believes in Lexa Pro and settling the thoughts down. He's like, you need, and he used your word. He said, you just need some more space. He said, because in a way, you theoretically on paper are living life to the fullest because you're doing a lot of things people would never do. But he said, it's causing you a lot of pain and harm. If you are, if you love these decisions and you were like,

I keep climbing in my life, because he said really about life is just how you perceive it. You could say, look at all these things I'm doing and jumping up in my family and I'm making my kids stronger by moving them and all that. You could see it that way and you could feel great, but you don't. You see it another way. So that's where it becomes like a problem for you. But he said, really after talking to you, your brain is not so abnormal. It's just you're acting on these thoughts that we all have. Like my therapist's like, I don't like the office that we're in.

He's like, I always think we should change it, but I got a good deal here on the rent and I just accept what is. He was like, you don't like to accept what is. You try to change it all, which is good. That's a characteristic which has driven you in life. But it causes you problems. Do you think, have you ever heard of the Benjamin Franklin effect? What? I'm going to get syphilis?

That's one of them. Yeah. That's one of them. The other, it's called the, it's a cognitive bias, and it's one of my favorite because it's so counterintuitive. Okay. Right? I'm a fucking shit, are I? Yeah.

Don't you want to give me a good smack? Yeah. I want to smack you around like Sam Altman. So it's this counterintuitive cognitive bias that the more you help someone, okay? The more you help someone, the more you end up, the more favors you do someone, the more you help someone, the more advice you give them, the more favors, whatever it is, the kinder you are to someone, or the more you give someone, the more you actually get attached to that person, then that person gets attached to you.

You would think. So what are you saying? Like, is this the therapist example? No, I'm using it as an example of like... Like, how does it apply to what I just said? It may apply. I'm just wondering if it's subconsciously or consciously, like, you're such a likable guy. Okay.

Like, it may make you more likable to people. You may be aware of that in some way. Okay. Like, I don't know if it's conscious... How does it affect me negatively, though? It doesn't affect you negatively. Because you're saying I start to like them more than they like me? No, I'm saying...

like because you're always someone who's saying like I should do this I should do this and you're saying you're telling everybody it you're saying all your thoughts right so you're asking people to sort of help you with these decisions give you advice you know career and that makes them like me more because they can help me but I'm really like I'm not I'm not helping myself right it just makes it's it's called the bet so it started it's this is a good FH FH it's a psychological phenomenon where a person starts to like someone more after doing them a favor driven by cognitive dissidents and the need to rationalize their helpful behavior. It's a very interesting thing because they theorize that like if I'm giving you advice,

I'm giving you my time. So I'm making an investment in you and people start to like the thing that they invest in. So if you're seeking advice for me or if you're asking me to help you with something or give you or you want a favor for me and I actually do the favor. And the reason why it's counterintuitive because you would think that since I did you the favor and now I should be doing you. No, that you would like me more. But as it turns out, it's actually I like you more.

Even though you're the one who's helping me. Exactly. That's interesting. That's what they call the Benjamin Franklin effect. And it happened because he asked to borrow a rare and scarce book from his rival's personal library. The rival agreed. Franklin returned it a week later with a polite note of thanks and the two became close friends after. So it's named after that.

And then Franklin famously summarized when he wrote about it. He is he that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than him who you yourself have obliged and we see that a lot right like even with families like you'll see that like your mom will do things for you but for some reason you'll want to chase the person who doesn't do anything for you right very weird but the person who do do does things for you they're liking you more right and loyalty so and then for some reason we take it for granted it's a really weird thing that's a really weird thing that's That's interesting. I mean, because I don't know, but anything at Benjamin Franklin, I really like. Yeah. Isn't that interesting, though? That is. That is interesting.

Yeah, I mean, I mean, I guess. So I'm saying, is it maybe like just a thing where, like, you engage people so people are listening and then they like you more? You know? Me. I think so. One thing I've noticed, because there's no problems in your life, whether you're in Staten Island, where you're in Queens or currently. Yeah. Like, it's all good.

There's no. Like there's pros and cons and all of them. Well, I know because my accountant keeps telling me. Because if you're in Queens like you were, that's what it is. Cackle that? Yeah. That's for the Patriot.

Yeah. And that's a joke. And that's a joke. Yeah. So there's always pros. I know. And you know, it's one of those things where sometimes my brain won't let me accept the truth. Like I keep worrying about money and my finances and collapsing and all that.

And my account keeps telling me, I will tell you when you have. when you're under six months of expenses, like when you don't have six months of your life to pay for, that's like the golden rule. I will tell you when we're approaching that. I will tell you. If you don't hear from me about that, you're good. I will tell you months and months and months in advance

so you will have an escape plan. But in my brain, I'll wake up in the middle of the night and be like, I don't have the money to pay for this place. I can't. And so my brain is always making these false realities real. And it's because I was telling Jesse, I was recommended to read the book The Body Keeps the score.

Oh, that's one of my feet. Yeah, so I read it. I've been reading it and it's because of some past triggers and traumas that we have yet to discover that I have this physical response because the brain doesn't know English. The brain goes by feeling and the brain one of these old trap thought loops

will pop into your head in the middle of the night or randomly and you start to feel the symptoms of it and your brain then takes the irrational and makes it rational. The brain forgets the fact that your accountant said you're okay and says, no, but remember that fear from 10 years ago when you really weren't? Hey, that's back. Right, right, right.

So what I'll do is I tap my feet, tap my feet like this, feel a different cessation. I'll tap my chest like this, feel a different cessation, and then I'll close my eyes, take a deep breath in, deep breath out, box breathing, and then I'll think about what are the senses I can feel in the room. What can I smell? Yonis is shit. What can I taste? I can taste some leftover tomato sauce from the pizza.

What can I feel? I feel my knee flaring up a little bit from the F-45 class I took today where I did step-ups of too much weight. You know, when I open my eyes, what can I see? What are the colors I can identify? I can identify green. I can identify brown. I can identify Jew.

What can I see? What can I feel? And then the body breaks out of the trauma. Right, right, right. That's what it is. Yeah, I think it's called four things you can see, three things you can smell. Yeah. You bring yourself back to the present.

Yeah, which I never do because what I, but that's why it's interesting is any time I was having like severe anxiety, like bad anxiety. Because my anxiety forever when I was in my 20s would be if the girlfriend, whatever girl I was dating at that time, if I texted her and she didn't text me back. You thought she was dead within three or four minutes. I thought she was dead. And the only way that I could escape that anxiety is. the phone, I would have to put the phone like in my house and just go walk. And as I was walking, I would say when you get back in 30 minutes, she'll text you. And I would run and the anticipatory anxiety, my heart would be like this. I like couldn't even see. It was like tunnel vision to look at

the phone and see a text from her. And then the anxiety would immediately drop to the floor. But if I didn't see text from her, I would go back and repeat the process and go over and over and over again. Yeah. It's childhood childhood. But it comes from some type of childhood trauma that I have yet to Childhood trauma is a weird thing. Because you never felt that. Oh. But with the phone? No, no, with the phone.

It's manifested in different ways. Different ways. I mean, you're not talking to the higher club president. I mean, I'm a client. I'm a client. I'm a client. So you would feel it doing different things. Oh, dude.

Yeah. I mean, you know, I've had some traumatic things happen. I've also had trauma passed down from two parents who were war survivors. Now, that's the new science, too. It's like, some of it was just in our DNA. We were born with it. Sometimes you're reacting to not even your own memory. Yeah.

Or it's even just, it's not even verbal. It's sort of like you just pick it up when you're young through the mirror neurons of your parents. Right. So your brain, the caregivers, you know, you just, we have these things called mirror neurons before when we're pre-verbal. So now they have a category called pre-verbal trauma, which of course you're not going to remember. But, you know, there's an imprint on you that happens just from your mirror neurons mirroring the neurons of your parents. Right. So you end up, you know.

incorporating maybe some of their coping mechanisms. I mean, look, anxiety is about being in survival mode when you don't need to be in survival mode. That's what it is. That's really what it is. Yeah. And it's a misfiring of your nervous system. And you got to figure out what that is and then incorporate it into your personality and what Young called incorporating the shadow. We have a shadow.

Integrating. Sorry, not incorporating. Integrating your shadow. The problem is, though, right now. is when I'm coming into the world of my oldest daughter is 11. So she's starting to go out, you know, just walks in the daytime with her friends to the town. And that anxiety, like, that's starting to come back.

Right. So I got to get it under control. And Lexa Pro seems to be the answer because it's one thing to know, like, okay, an adult is probably going to be okay and you're making things up. It's another thing to know, like, a child who's your own child, if you don't hear from them immediately, or if their iPhone, I watch is malfunctioning and you don't know where they are, It's panic mode.

Can I give you a little something that I learned? Yeah. First of all, Lexa Pro, mandatory. Yeah. That's what we call a restraining order against you. Yeah. And that's Lexa Pro. Yeah.

So, Mandy Potanagan. This is on top of the Lexa Pro. Yeah. What really was a shift for me is when I realized when I have those negative thoughts or those anxieties, it's a, what is it a reaction to? You have two options at that point, right? So you have anxiety about your daughter and her. safety.

So you could... Which is rational. Completely rational. That's about to be my point. Right. My point, that means... So it's a rational thought. So you have two options in that moment.

You can follow that feeling, right? Which is created a thought that does not exist based on a feeling. Or you could say, what is that feeling a response to? What's the true root of that feeling? And I'll tell you what the true root of that feeling is. You love your daughter. Right. You love your daughter more than anything.

Right. You love your daughter the way Jesus loves you. Yes. Which is eternal. Which is eternal. You love her so much that it produced the fear that then created the thoughts. Okay. So instead of focusing on the thought that was created in the fear that doesn't exist, it's not in the moment.

Nothing exists outside of the moment. Also, the future never comes. We're always in the present moving forward. The future is always in our head. We never arrive in the future. You're always in the now. It's just then, but it's still the now. So then you go to the root, which is the reality.

You connect to the feeling that produced the fear, and that's love. And you love her so much. You focus on that love, and then you let go. You let go and you say, this isn't, nothing is guaranteed. I love her, and you focus on the love. So, yeah, because I've noticed Jasmine. And then there's no room for anything else. Yeah, because in those same moments, Jasmine is never nervous.

She's always okay. She's like, Chris, she's fine. So I'm like, how do I get to that? Jasmine doesn't have an anxiety disorder. That's a one tool that you can do. Focus on the love. Because it's the truth. What I just give you is actually the truth of this scenario.

It's the truth of what's happening. And you think that's exactly the anatomy of that particular scenario. You love your daughter so much, right? You care about people so much. It's hard for you to even admit. it's because it makes you very vulnerable because love requires trust, there's risk, someone could betray,

someone can hurt you. So instead of accepting that vulnerability, we build all these anxieties, defense mechanisms, whatever we do, because it hurts so much. And some people who have big hearts are very sensitive, get very hurt, and at some point they got hurt

so they built the whole coping mechanisms. Whatever they did, they did. So everybody's got a different story. But if you strip everything down, right, you loved your girlfriend, or you really liked your girlfriend. So you didn't want anything bad to happen to her. Right.

So instead of focusing on that love, which makes you feel vulnerable, you try to focus on control, which you have none of. Right. You don't have that. So you're lost in a delusion at that point. Yeah, yeah, that's one thing I noticed

because I would always, it only hit me later on in life is I would always find it very annoying when guys would be like, my girlfriend's cheating on me. If she doesn't call me back, she's fucking cheating on me and they would get all this anxiety.

It'd be like, fuck this bitch, she's cheating on me if she didn't call them back. But I never thought that. I never thought they were cheating on me. I just thought, that they're dead, but I realize it's the same thing. It's control. It's just the same thing.

He's trying to control. I just thought they were dead. He laughed at that because it is funny. That's just how I just thought they were dead. That's wild, right? That's actually shows that you're a caring guy and you didn't want them to die. The ones who are thinking that they're cheating are more insecure. So you don't have that insecurity because you know you're a fun, good looking guy.

And so you didn't, you just thought highly of yourself. Your mom gave you that confidence. Right. You're the best, Chris. She shined light on you. So you... Through Jesus Christ. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. And, but you, you had to fear something bad was going to happen to her because you really liked her. So you're worried about someone else, which is good. So focusing on the love feeling when you have that fear is... That'll be helpful. Because that is what you have to... The thing that we're most scared of is love. The reason why we're so scared of it is because it makes us so vulnerable.

Right. Right. It's like, you can try to control everyone. What are people doing when they're really trying to control other people? What are they really trying to do? They're trying to control How do you control another person? You can't

How do you control an event? How do you control any of this shit? What if a fucking, how do you control anything? You can only just fucking be in the love, baby. That's it. That's it. That's all you can be.

But it's the scariest thing because there's so much risk in it. Every time you commit to something, there's a big risk that someone's going to fuck you. Right. So sometimes someone fucked you in the past and then you get traumatized by it

and then you see these bitter people. That's how they become bitter. It's like, they're living in the past. Right. So you got to let go and just go, I love my daughter so much. And then you cry about that and you keep focusing on that because that is actually what is how. That's really what is the truth. If you didn't care about your daughter, you know, you're not thinking about, no offense, but you're not thinking if Jesse's going to live tomorrow when he goes out for dinner.

Or when he goes to the bar and has a whiskey. Yeah. Right. Right? Because you don't love Jesse. Right. Right? You know, because he's Jewish.

Yeah. He's half Jewish. Yeah. So, but you love your daughter, so you're having that anxiety because you love your daughter. So I learned from that because I would have those negative. I actually had something similar. I was laying in bed with my daughter. I've used it for, and you have to proactively do it.

And it really does work. You just get control of your mind. And because it's a true thing, it helps to know it's true. And then you just, you get, because bad feelings are usually just delusions. They don't exist. Right. So I was laying about my daughter, and I had a similar thought. This was like two weeks ago, whatever.

This is one of the most recent times I used it. And I just had this thought of like, you know, something bad happener. It's like, you know, it's, and it fucking, I mean, the fear that goes through you. And she was right there next to you. Right there next to me. And then I used the tool. And then I was, I used the tool where I went, oh, this is why this happened is I love her so much. I feel vulnerable because I love her so much.

Right. That's what love is. I'm vulnerable. Yeah. I'm vulnerable. You know? That's my weeks, but you come in my family. I'm completely vulnerable.

Right. Something I care about. What can I do? Right. I have to protect it. I have to make sure I'm so vulnerable. Right. And so I just sat there in that feeling and just accepted that feeling.

And I felt this just unbelievable, immense love for my daughter. And I just appreciated it. And I accepted the way things are. And I was just very happy that I had meaningful things in my life. Yeah. I was very grateful and happy. And the fear turned to love then. Fear turned to love.

Exactly. Exactly what happens. It's what it is. And then you put them in bed. You went downstairs and you turned in a little genie. shard. That's what we do. That's what it is. Patreon names coming up, baby. Yeah, that was a fun episode. We were supposed to talk about the Battle of Hastings, but instead Yanni took multiple shifts and talked to me about love versus fear. All right. As always, we have a lot of fun with the Patreon. We love it when you guys make these funny names and, you know, may the best person win.

So first got lean up the list, Hyena, Patricia Aguar, then we got Abandoned My Afro Chinese Baby, aka Ding Dong Ditch. We've had that one. Yeah, we've had it. My dog profiles, two in the pink and a fist in my stink. Whoa, it's a Drexer right off the bat. Almost. Then we got Anonymous Rob, Banta, Christian Martinez, Pete. Then we got Georgios Bush. Let me consult my Dick Cheney.

Oh, back. Yeah. That's an old episode. Go listen to that. Then we got Blue Chew Jew that shoots no glue. Put them on the list. Yeah. Put them on the list.

Yeah. Put the blue chew. That might be Jesse. Yeah. Yeah. Paul, Chris Cromwell, Eric Barnaby, Nate Allen, Roy Chappelle, Codiac Kelly. Then we got my German Shepherd court of Frisbee at the park. List it.

It's just what it is, right? It's just what it is. It's just what it is. Yeah. Hal Collins, Lucas Poulin, Jan Solo and Globacca. Whoa. List. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You see what happened is we let some people. in. Yeah. Yeah. This list is America. We're letting you in. Yeah. And I want to give a shout out to my friend Raya, who I saw in Portland, Maine. Her and her husband listened to this. They are very, very, very practicing, devout synagogue-going Jews. And they love our podcast. And they said the anti-Semitism makes them laugh hard in their car. So they said that they

really enjoy it. I appreciate you. We're here for a good time. We don't want to really hurt anyone's feelings. Yeah. Doug Bailey, Tony Sopranos piece, aka Gabba Glue Gun. Oh, by the way, there was a you who came to my show as well. Like what you all like and everything. He had a big star David chain. Yeah. They flew from New York to the show in Austin and I saw them on the returning flight on the way back. So shout out to him too.

So I mean, you know, the frisbee's love us, cuz. It's just what it is. Okay, Gabba Glue Gun not going to make it. Tony Suprono's Peace, AKA Gabba Glue Gun. No, it's not going to make it. It's a good try, though. Matt Wantec, Lou Dogg, Joseph Adams, Joanne Carrigan. Lexer Pro numbed my glue gun.

Just a symptom, right? Just the fact. Yeah. What happens. Then we got four kids under six, snipped on Wednesday, laid up on Thursday, gay on Friday. Drexler, Drexler. Dahlene Schmidt, Justin Reeves. Then we got Israel redefined retirement community with Gaza.

I don't get it. Johnny Coon. Oh, yeah, I get it. It's a little harsh. Yeah. Genghis Khan's only fans. Okay. Blind celebration.

Call it Nazi. party. Got it. Tried for it. Martin. We got to have a name for those. That's like a good cut. You know, what is that?

Like a let it rip. It's a guy who took a cut. It's a home run swing. Yeah, home run swing. Then we got help. Candice Owens thinks I'm trans. Okay. Colin Shea.

Ghost Me Daddy. The Dead Kennedys. Stained like the jerk couch. Call me Yanni Puddles. Okay. Eric Traba. Sam Lewis. Martin Early.

Hideki Matsui's Wayshon, Shee and Porn Keshay. Got mug. buying ex-con, some dings never change? I'm going to list it. Okay. Yeah, we're in a new era where we're just going funny. Just what it is.

If you don't know what a ding is, and you can have to just go back and listen to episodes where we just coined the term dings. The thing is, a ding could be anything. Whatever is in your imagination. We never specified what a thing is. No, it didn't could be anything you want it to be. Just if your neighborhood can be dinged up.

That's all. Sanino, Luke DeGoy, Michael, Big Peters, James Black. My sister ate my lunch. Fuck you, Courtney. Drexler Yeah Radley Okay

We're not going to go that far Sorry about that Yeah Please refund my $5 So I can afford this lady boy Drexler That's what it is Travis Harvey

Josh Payne Philip Dixon Dillon Janie Zabs McGee Jackson Tate Thought Latin X was Venezuelan space program S-O-KS

List It's a contender Yeah It's a contender Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah.

Or Latin X could be, or it could be, you know, the Latin version of Elon Musk's. Yeah, they said Latin dash X. Yeah, yeah. It's his contender. Jay Conley, Jonah, Tyler W., Matthew Madsen, Matt Brame, Steve Day, Lucerta, Dustin, Lacerda, Dustin, Saurface, Sourdine, Sauerfaxe, make my Jade Zan, Goshi. Uh-huh. Throb Marley. Bob Marley, chicken finger.

Good, I like it. Bam, bam, Jimmy Jam, Aidan Celestino. Chrissy D's Merkin Leroy ceiling Cricket service Battery not included Stephen Surrett Chris Hartford

SMW My Leroy stick was named Jamal Everyone's got a different name What was yours named? Why am I dick's name? No, your Leroy

stick that your dad used Oh it was a broom Yeah Sardino the sauce monkey What was that one? Sardino the sauce monkey Got it Jack Cluxey

Carson Waite Philip Pizzalado Matt Burkett Grindr A.K. Gluber Eats List it. Yep. Glober eats.

Glober eats. List it. Yeah. Strong list. Brendan Marr. Sal Ron, Mom Dhani, Lord of the Dings. Sal, limp when I'm inside.

Make no mistake. I wish I was a Leroy. Tim, Blake Denny, Leroy Lillipop, aka a crack pipe. It's just what it is. That's top notch. It's just what it is.

What it is. We're going to put another list. Yeah. What we're going to do is we're going to quietly put that one. Some of them we have to quietly put it on. Then we got... It's what it is. Martin Luther King.

And then... Martin Luther King. It's just what it is. We're going to... We're going to quietly put that on the list. We got... Last but not least, I'm just here for the Cyclops. Okay.

I'm going to chicken figure that. Okay. So here's the list. So we got Blue Chew-Jew, Jew, that shoots. no glue. We're going to keep him around. Okay. My German Shepard Court of Frisby at the Park. Keeping him around. Jan Solo and Globacca.

Okay. We're going to direct so that. Okay. Good one, though. Any other day. Sorry. Got mugged buying ex-con. Some dings never change. We're going to keep it around. That's just what it is. Thought Latin X was Venezuelan space program. SLO K. Eds. We're going to keep it around.

Lerlipop. Lerkeye. And Martin Luter King. Okay. Martin Luther King. We're going to directs to you. Unfortunately, but not because it's not a really good name. It's because it's the name up in lights problem that we have. And also Grindr, aka Glover Eats. Oh, Glover Eats. We're going to directs through you.

But, I mean, I hate it. I don't do this without mixed emotions. Okay, so there's five in the finals, and it's, I'll read them all out. Thought Latin X was Venice Winona Space Program, SLO-K-S, Blue-C-S, Blue-Ju-Ju that shoots no glue. We're going to directs to that. Blue-choo-Ju, that shoots no glue? Yeah.

It's, I'm sorry, I hate doing it. My German Shepherd caught a frisbee at the park. We got to keep that around. Yeah, because it's kind of like they're not really saying anything, you know? You say anything unless you listen to this podcast. And then they're saying something pretty crazy. Got mug buying an ex-con, some dings never change. We're going to Drexler.

Some things never change. This is one of the toughest, you know, this is tough. It gets harder every week. A tough bracket. Yeah, and then Leroylilipop, aka a crack pipe. So that was just way funny. Yeah, it's just way funny. Yeah.

So I'm going to keep that around for now. Yeah, so we're down to Thwart Latin X was Venezuelan space program. Leroy Lollipop, aka a crackpipe. My German Shepherd court a Frisbee at the park. Okay. So we got three. Okay. Should we just try to pick one because we've been putting so many events?

We got to step up and just make a decision here. So let's let you know, let's do this as a group. Okay. So my thought, just because I thought they're all three are fantastic, but just because it's, even though it's saying a horrific thing, it is the safest choice is my German Shepherd court of Frisbee at the park. It's the safest thing. Because you put that name up in lights.

They say, okay, what a sweet show. What a sweet show. The guy plays fetch with his dog. And his dog court of Frisbee. Yeah. So I agree with that. What do you think? I like Latin X.

Line X is not a bad. I mean, there's a nice choice. Crack pipe one is, it's just real aggressive to have it. That one's out. We're going to directs to that. Yeah. We're going to be funny as hell. Funny as hell.

But if you want, fans want to feel free to, you know, make any art with Leroy Lollipop, that's up to them. That's up to you. If you want to make art out of any of these, it's up to you. Yeah. We, you know what? I go there for my own. You want to do what the truth is, I go to our Patreon for entertainment for me. Yeah.

That's what I do. It's entertain me. Oh, yeah. This is, like, I can honestly say. Check in, have a good time. Well, how many times, like, people will say, like, oh, your show helps us so much, and it's really amazing here. But this is truly an instance where this show helps me.

The fans help me as much as I help that. No, I'm not even making that up. Like, I will go there and enjoy what they say. I mean, we got funny fans. Yeah. Some of the pictures we posted today of me and drag, I'm sure are going to make it. Yeah. It really, like, they make me happy.

So what's the, because Jesse has Latin X, I have German Shepherd. So there's the only two left that comes down to you. You are the deciding vote. you have to make decision unfortunately. Latinx made me laugh really hard, but I agree with what you're saying. I think it's really funny. I think we don't often do a very inside one.

Right. So I think the reasons what makes that so funny is what you said. Yeah. If somebody comes across that, they're just going to be like, what a sweet show. They have no idea that they have no idea what they're looking at. Yeah.

So I'm going with that one. Okay. So congratulations. Go to history. Hyenasisback. com to see your name up in lights. my German Shepherd court of Frisbee at the park. Because I also think that's part of, it's such a simple one, but it's loaded.

So I think that was part of what he was doing, what he created. Right, and very specific with the breed of dog and everything. Yes. So congrats, and we'll be here next week.