History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Machiavelli and the Art of Being a Piece of Sh*t | History Hyenas

Episode Date: May 14, 2026

The Hyenas head to Renaissance Italy to break down the life, lies, and legendary power plays of Niccolò Machiavelli. The boys dive into *The Prince*, political backstabbing, war, betrayal, and why Machiavelli’s name became synonymous with manipulation centuries later. Was he an evil genius, a realist, or just the first guy honest enough to explain how power actually works? Chris and Yannis also spiral into modern politics, corrupt rulers, Italian history, psychopath leaders, and how Machiavelli’s ideas still run the world today. From the Medici family to modern media spin — the Hyenas connect the dots in only the way they can. It’s history, chaos, philosophy, and pure CTE. #HistoryHyenas #Machiavelli #ThePrince #ItalianHistory #Renaissance #ComedyPodcast #PoliticalHistory #ChrisDistefano #YannisPappas #HistoryPodcast Support our sponsors:Limited time: download Supremacy: World War 3 for free via our link and get an exclusive Elite Bomber Seasonal Unit worth $25 - but only for the next 30 days: https://con.onelink.me/kZW6/95z2moo4 For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/HYENAS. Keep the bugs away with Pestie. Go to https://pestie.com/HYENAS for 10% off your order. Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://store.historyhyenaspod.com Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Chrissy D. That's Yanni P-P. Every single week we're coming at you. YouTube.com slash history hyenas. Click that like and subscribe button and Patreon. And Patreon.com slash history hyenas where all the fun, fun, fun happens. Today we're going to be talking about Machiavelli.

We're going to be talking about one of those guys in history who may be misunderstood. People go, oh, he's more of an antichrist. He's a bad guy. Right. He's definitely one of those guys who was appreciated after his death. That's a common theme with a lot of great men. But historians have reevaluated him and said he wasn't intending to be a bad guy. And actually, he did some good.

He helped topple some kings. Yes. Because a lot of the French. No Kings Day. No Kings Day. And fucking Machiavelli would have been all for no Kings Day. We're going to tell you a little bit about this. I think you just said Whigger.

You said, we're going to tell you. You're going to tell you? Yeah, because we're going to tell you. Yeah. We're going to tell you. I sneaked in a wigger. Yeah, it's what it is. We're going to tell you a little bit about the man.

The context it made him and what he was all about. He wasn't just your ordinary sauce monkey. He was living in the basement, calling Ma, and asking if dinner was ready. No, no, but his name was Nicolone. Pachiavelli, which is the sauce monkey name. That kid sounds like someone who's asking if he's got his money or he's going to come see you in a different way. Guys, we've got a great episode for you today. Catch me in Atlantic City, June 26, 27th, East Hampton, July 10th, and New Brunswick, New Jersey, July 17th and 18th.

You can get those tickets at yannis Pappas Comedy.com. Very cute dates. I am every single Thursday at New York Comedy Club, 6 and 8.30 p.m. shows doing all new material in New York City. and then June 26-27th, I will be in Stanford, Connecticut at New York Comedy Club of Stanford, ChristycombeckyWikis, or HistoryA&Is Back.com for both artickeys.

Enjoy the episode about Machiavelli. Now, I like your hair today, by the way, I just want to let you know because the way that it just was before you messed it up a little bit, when it was up, you kind of look like a dart. And I kind of want to just pick up your head and throw you off a dart board out of Neal's.

Yeah. Because it's pointing? No, but it was nice. It flowed nice. You look like a dart, though. Like, you know, like how the dart just goes up. Finn. You know what Sergio Chicoat says? He says, my hair looks like soft serve.

Yeah. Because it always has that swirl. Yeah, it's funny. You know, Sergio's a very funny guy. Yeah, yeah. And then he gets on stage and he stiffens up. It's just what it is. Yeah. Yeah. So Nicola McAvelli, born in 1469, the kid lived to 58 years old, which is pretty good for those times. Yeah, he died in a lot of pain. Now, let me ask you a quick question. Ask me, yo, cause, I want you to ask me some. I'm going to ask you something. This was

your recommendation. So are we now going through a Machiavellian phase. Yes, so what happens? Are you replacing peptides from Machiavelli? Yes, that's what it is. Because I really wanted to consume Machiavelli. Yeah, because you're trying to figure out a way

to be in and out. Yeah, I'm trying to figure out how do I get out of it by going into it. And I figured the only way, the only person that could help me is Machiavelli, aka the prince. The prince is the book.

The thing, here's what you know about Machiavelli. Here's what you know, if you're a white person, you know that Machiavelli coined the phrase, is it better to be fear than loved? Fear than loved. And if you're a black person, you know McIvelli, because Tupac Shakur named an album after him. And Tupac Chacore said he was Mackey Valley. Right. So that's what it is. So with McIvelli, what was very interesting to me about learning about this kid and we'll go through all the facts in history. But what, you know,

like a lot of other people in history, Machiavelli, he writes this book. It gets famous after he dies. So during McIvelli's life, he's not famous at all. He's just a guy. But the principles that all these profound principles that rulers have used and heads of state and kings and queens for centuries, Machiavelli never used any of them. Maciabelli would do these writings, would write this book and be this way, and then would write to his friend, because he was undercover gay kid, like a lot of people living in Florence, Italy, he would write to his friend, and they found these letters later in his later years after he died about how he, you know, all the stuff that he wrote, he was like, you know, I don't even believe it. He was like, I hate having to play this part.

I hate having to be this character. So a lot of people don't know that Machiavelli himself wasn't really even believing what he was saying. He was just writing these things, this book The Prince, which for a very specific family, for a very specific job he wanted to get. Yeah. That book The Prince was just a job. It was a job interview. Yeah.

It was him kind of just saying, hey, you know, it was an application. He was trying to get back to where he was. He was trying to get him with the Borgias. They tortured him a little bit. They kicked them out. they got rid of him. So Machiavelli came from a family where his dad was a lawyer. His dad was an ambulance chaser.

Yeah. So, you know, he would come, he would walk around the streets and go, did you choke on a Zeppoli? What's your problem? Did you get served bad pepperoni? Yeah. Was your slice undercooked? Yeah.

Call Machiavelli at Machiavelli. Yeah. And we will come and we'll take care of you, right? Yeah. And his mom was like a homemaker. A kid had a big family or whatever. His mom got hit a little bit. His mom got two dollars.

If the garlic wasn't sliced thin enough, his mom got a little bit. His mom got a hell a bit. Yeah. Italian women get hell a bit. It's better to be fit and love to me. You think that's why Italians evolved to have like prominent noses with bumps in them? Yeah. Because they just, they got, the bumps came from the husbands.

Yeah, I think that the creators, because, you know, whether we believe in Jesus, which we do here in this podcast, you believe extraterrestrials, created this, created a religion as a thought-provoking experiment for the extraterrestrials, whatever you believe, just know that the creators, the powers that be, whether be Jesus or the simulators. Or Muhammad. As the last prophet. They made, they pre-fabricated a little bump on the Italian's nose just because they said

we know they're going to get hit. So we said, let's just make it a little bit easier for them. And they just put it in there. It's like a, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's like a little hard tissue, a little bit of a bump. So they can take, they can take the hit a little better. It's pre-nate, which is not. It's a little cushion for the fist.

Yeah. It's just so it's nice. It's just, yeah. It's what you call dark humor. Yeah, dark humor. This is humor. This is at the firehouse. We talk about that bump.

Humor. I heard that one. That specific joke I heard from Schmitty. Schmitty. So if you got a problem with to talk to Schmitty. Schmitty, he's a wild kid. He's got, he's uncensored. He's like a roast.

He's like the roast master. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He's firehouse humor. It's just what it is. Yeah, it's just, we're talking a little firehouse humor about the bump. Yeah. So the prince, the book the prince, this was actually,

written McEvelli's famous book. That was just an autobiography about Prince? No, this wasn't even about Prince. Was the forward written by Charlie Murphy? Yeah, we know it wasn't written about Prince because at no point in the book the Prince, do they talk about these fucking Smarlings and Minneapolis? Way Song Xie.

Can I just say, can I just say what Chris right now, what's happening right now encapsulates what this show is? Yeah. He keeps looking down at the paper and with a pencil as if those were his notes, but it's a blank page. Yeah, it's the back of the Patreon list.

There was a couple times I've seen you look down in reference, but it's just blank. And this is Jesse. That's just me if I was Jesse. Yeah, because you got to take your tangerines and use them as frisbee's. Yeah. Which is a good tip for Jews. If you run out of frisbees, go get a tangy. So, yeah,

just let me write my notes. So what happened was, because is the Medici family. We got to do an episode on the Medici's. We got to really get into the Medici's because I don't know much about the Medici's. Do you have like information on the Medici's? Powerful banking family that wasn't Jewish, which is

surprising. They weren't Italian Jews? They weren't Italian Jews. The best of my hours, were they Jewish? They were a big big banking family. They had money and you know, Florence was a city state. At that time it was city states and it was a republic until the Medici's took over. See, that's

the thing is, yes, Florence was in Italy. Yes, Florence is in modern day Italy. But back in these times, when we talk about Medici, the late 14-100s, 15-190s, Florence, as you said, was the city-state. Italy wasn't a united Italy. No, it weren't united. It wasn't a united Italy. And by the way, the Medici family was not Jewish. They were native Italian, Roman Catholic family from Tuscany.

Yeah, which will blow your mind if you're into Jewish conspiracy. Right. Because you're sitting there going, wait a second. How did they get it? How did that happen? A powerful banking family that wasn't Jewish? So now what everyone's going to say is because these extraterrestrial. So everyone's going to say that they, Medici's were just an experiment.

Right. They weren't where they were an experiment by the creators. Right. So the Medici family comes back to power in Florence in 1512 because they had gotten ousted. And so Machiavelli, he was accused of conspiracy. He was in prison, tortured like Janus mentioned. Then they exiled him out to a farm outside the city. And in exile, this is where he wrote the prince, the book that made him, you know, very, very.

And before they sent him out there, would it be safe to say that they tuned him up a little bit? They tuned him up. Would it be safe to say since their Italian? that they came and they saw Mackey Valley in a different way. They came and saw him in a different way. Somebody's ringing my bell. Somebody's ringing the bell right now with a ring camera. Yeah, I think at some point they came and they saw him and they said,

do you have a lot money? And they said, and McEvelli was like, wait, I'm trying to get it. We're going to figure it out. And then they tuned him up a little bit and sent him out of the city. Yeah, let me just, who the fuck's ringing my bell? Hold on one second. Somebody's ringing my bell. Chrissy, what's up?

It's your wife's cousin. Oh, is it suburban, oh, hold on, it's fucking suburban propane. Yeah. All right, back in. So, so, you know, what happened was with, with, with Machiavelli is, you know, first of all, the word Machiavelli, and as we know, cunning, manipulative, ruthless. That's how powerful McEvelli was. I mean, the kid became a word. The kid became an actual word.

So, you know, all that reputation stuff comes from the book, The Prince, right? Where he had argued rulers sometimes need deception, fear, and cruelty to maintain stability. Now, the thing about this is because is people say like, oh, this is what, you know, people like Robert Green have wrote 48 laws of power and all these people have written books. But Machiavelli was being very, very, very specific about this very specific time in history, about this very specific family of this very specific job he wanted to get. So he wasn't necessarily saying, is it better to be fear than loved overall to all of humanity?

He was saying specifically to the Medici family, how are you going to keep power in this very turdict. Bill in time in Florence history, here's what you have to do for that time. But if, you know, if he had lived a little bit longer, he might have said, you know what, forget that. Forget all those beliefs. So as it turns out, he was a guy who very much believed in a republic. So the Medici family took over.

It wasn't a republic anymore. But he was just basically trying to survive in this new world. He wanted it, he wanted a nice job. He wanted to get his job back. So he was basically sucking up to this guy. Yeah, saying, hey, this is how you maneuver. it's you know what you should do you got to it's he's the he gave birth to real politic he's going it the ends justified it means as long as it's for the benefit of the

state right do what you got to do do what you got to send ice into the streets to kick a few people out yeah you know you got to do what you got to do if if you have an enemy destroy them completely yeah in one big oof because it's better for the state so he was just kind of one of those guys living in the gray zones going like hey if if it's for the the the sanity and longevity of the state. Do what you got to do. This kid was about states rights.

He was like city states rights rights. Now he also too that when he wrote this book The Prince, it was like we said a job application. The person that he was applying to the job for it Yeah, I just threw the pencil. And you need to be able to write your notes. Yeah, I need to read it. He didn't even look at the Prince.

He wouldn't even read it because he had already given someone else's job. So Mackey Valley was pissed off. He was walking around. I was like I wrote this whole fucking thing and nobody wants to look at it. Yeah, he didn't even, because he kind of knew, Maggie, like they, you know, like we said, we tortured him a little

bit, they sent him out, so they weren't, they actually were, he sent the book, the irony is he sent the book, like trying to get the job saying, this is how you got to be, and he was like a victim of that same thing. Yeah. Because the guy was going, I'm not going to, you're a traitor, you're from this other administrator,

you're from the previous time. Yeah. I'm not giving you any power. F you, I'm going to torture you. Yeah, they gave him some lowly job. Right. So they actually were using his own stuff against him. Yeah. I mean, you know, because here's the thing is a lot of historians think McIvelli's been misunderstood

because some believe the prince was partly satire or practical survival manual rather than an endorsement of evil behavior. When he was being tortured, he was actually writing to his friends because he had one, I forgot the friends name. I mean, these kids old school Italian names, it was tough. I liked that Italian now.

It's called Giovanni. But I like that now they do Frankie, Vinny, Johnny, Jimmy. I like, it's so much easier now because back then it's too much. Yeah. But he would write. like this satire to his friends during the time he was writing

the prince where he was like yeah I'm really being strong today I'm really being but meanwhile he was getting the shit kicked out of him so this friend understood it was satire he was trying to do like humor he was trying to do his brand of humor he was doing Italian humor so some people think that the prince because you know you really can't know for sure was like all this stuff where he was just playing a character and he would never live by these rules that's isn't that wild

that is the funny part is like did he just write this to suck up to the guy Was he being just satirical? Like, did he believe any of this stuff? Because in other writings, like he wrote discourses on Livy, he praised Republican government and citizen participation, where in the prince he's saying the opposite. Yeah. So that's the thing is you just don't know about the kid. He's a mystery. He's a mixed bag.

Well, I think most of the historians are on the side that he liked a pious, he liked piety. He liked the republic. He liked, you know, what we have here in the United States of America. A republic. He thought it was good. And yeah, he was just basically trying to survive by writing this and suck up to the rulers. Right, yeah. And just teach him how to be a better ruler.

And he really loved Florence and all these things. And then, yeah, it's just interesting that after he died, which they say probably something wrong with his gut. Well, because here's the thing. Here's, you know, we'll get to that. But you got to know one thing about, yes, he liked piety and all that stuff. You got to understand one thing about Niccolo Machiavelli. is, you know, he's presented, you know, people think Machiavelli. You know, he put him in the same, you know, people make art of him, pictures of him.

He put him as this very, like, you know, noble, good guy, you know, wrote these things, this, you know, stoic figure. I mean, the guy liked Toots. Yeah. He banged out Toots big. He had multiple affairs on his wife. Yeah. He had, like, eight kids out of wedlock. He liked Toots.

And he also liked to suck off guys. That's just what he did. People like the party. It's just what it is. Yeah. He said, he said, um, one day that, uh, he had, uh, he said, um, he said, um, he He was walking through the village. He hadn't had sex in about a week, which he said was just a little too long for him.

He just, you know, I think he had said he had had a famine of copulence. So that's what he called it. Basically he's saying he starve for pus. He star for pus. He said, I'm having a famine of copulence. Yeah. goes, oh, let me take you downstairs because he's like, because she's like, how are you doing? He's like, oh, you know, I just, I really need some, you know, I basically, you know, I'm having a

fan of the top. He went to the West Garden of his day. Exactly. And so he goes downstairs and there's a tooth down there. And he said he looked at this woman. He said her breath was horrid. She stunk. He said she was not, you know, cute at all. But he said, I got to do what I got to do. And he banged her out anyway. Yeah. Not really seeing her, only smelling her. And then they held the light up to her face. And he said it was the most grotesque woman he's ever seen. And he threw up all over her. he said he threw up all over her and then and then left and then the kid would just do shit like this he goes he really wanted to bang this other girl

like he wanted to bang this girl big and she was you know in her early 20s he was like in his early 50s at this time so he you know again Machiavelli during his life wasn't really famous like people wouldn't really necessarily know that's Macchi Valley these things happen later on after he dies he um he wants to bang this girl and he and he presents himself as a doctor

He meets this girl and he makes believe he's a doctor. He throws on a cloak. He's got the staph of this girl and he's just a doctor. I like it. That's how you get the broads. You got to lie a little bit. The kid says in a doctor and this woman says that she's, I believe that her and her husband, she was married at the time, are having some type of trouble conceiving a child.

So he goes, okay, he goes, I'm going to make this concoction, this root, whatever root it was called, you know, some plant, whatever. And he goes, I'm going to give this to you. And he goes, the only thing is, is you will immediately be able to conceive, okay, but the first person that you have sex with after you take this will die. So obviously it can't be her husband. She loved her husband. She loved her husband. So she said, I cannot kill my husband.

Right. Brods will believe anything. Yeah. Can I kill my husband? Yeah. So he said, so she goes, oh my God, whatever. And then he says something to the effect of, I'm dying. of cancer. I'm dying. I have like days to live or something like that. I will do this for you

and give my life for you to have for you. I will give you my life so you can create life. Wow. And she's like so thankful and just bangs this guy out and then he just fucking runs away and he's like that. That's funny right? That's very Machiavellian, but it's funny. Yeah, it's Machiavellian. Yeah. So he's sort of like the version of that guy who got a Netflix special from, he got an HBO special from Allen. He said he was dying and he's still a lot. Yeah, that kid's on peptides now. He's jacked. Sometimes you got to do a little herky jerky and get what you want.

It's just what it is. Now, you know, the thing with Machiavelli too, which I liked is, you know, the kid, he admired Caesar Borgia. So Borgia, I think it was also Medici. Borgia was a big time guy in Florence at the time. And he was the son of Pope Alexander the 6th. Oh, he loved this guy. Yeah. And Borgia, what he saw Borgia do, because he would do things like Borgia was a fucking wild kid.

Yeah. So he would see Borgia do things like, you know, the whole town hated this one guy in the town. They all hated him, whatever. But Borgia knew if I just go out there and, you know, discipline him and then, you know, I'm going to look too ruthless or whatever. So what Borgia did one day is everybody woke up and in the town square, this guy that everybody hated was just cut in two. His body was just in two pieces on a butcher's block. And everybody kind of knew that Borgia did that without Borgia ever saying he did that. So that's when Mackey Valley started to get the idea of being,

like, okay, if you want the power, you can't really announce it. You got to be slick. You got to be sly. And that's when he started to also, McEvelli started to realize like, oh, we're all kind of call youngish, like we're all wearing masks. And the real guy doesn't like Matt, because MaciValley wouldn't do this, the real guy never reveals himself to the king. He reveals himself to the servant. If you want to see the real guy, you got to see. And this is always what my mother said. This is always what my mom said. This is one of Lynn's famous things is that you can tell how good a person is by how he or she treats the people they think they don't need. Right.

That's what my mom's, my mom's always looking for how you treat the waiter. Right. She knows that you're going to treat the king nice and the boss nice. Right. But how do you treat the waiter? And when she was an HR manager, how do you treat the union guys? How do you treat that? Because what my mom would always say when she was an HR person and they would bring a case to her desk

and say, we want to fire this person. They're not being nice or whatever. She would always say, okay, give me a couple of days, like let me figure it out. But what she was really doing is if they worked in her building, she would observe them. how are they acting to the people in the cafeteria, how are they acting to the subordinates? And if she saw that they weren't acting as Christ would want them to act with the subordinates, they were out of there.

But if they were acting Christ like with the subordinates, she would dig a little bit further and usually find out that maybe the guy was going through something. What you're saying is, is you can take the girl out of Germany. Right. But you can't take the SS out of the girl. That's what it is. She was the secret police. It's what it is.

She was taking a peek and reporting on people. It's what it is. She was going and saying, yeah, I've seen the way he's sucking up. Don't trust this one. Yeah. He's, I saw him with the Torah. Yeah. That's what it is.

Yeah. And my mom, yeah, she just, she prayed me because she knew that I was born a Linzantart. Mm-hmm. But as you said, she prayed me straight. Only thing that makes sense. Prayed me straight. But she knew, she knew that she could, she didn't want to pray too much because she knew if she had a great balance because she knew if you pray someone too hard from Linda Tart.

So she prayed me right in the middle. All I know is if your disciples wrote about you, I think they would leave Tony out of the story. I think it would go, there was an immaculate conception. Yeah. You know, the woman was holy. Yeah. And it was an immaculate conception.

Do you want to know what's actually a very funny thing my dad said yesterday? Yeah. My feet are isocles triangles. Do you want to know what's something funny my dad said yesterday? Yeah. Yesterday was Mother's Day, it was Mars Day, even though, you know, I know this episode coming out a couple days later, but we're filming it the day after Mars Day. Yeah.

I said to my dad, what are you doing for Mother, you know, like, what are you doing, whatever? He goes, oh, I'm in Orlando. I was like, you went to Orlando? I was like, what are you going to Disney? He was like, why the hell do you go there? He's like, I go every year on Mother's Day and celebrate getting a divorce. And I was like, nice. And I was like, is that true?

And he was like, your stepmother wanted to go to Disney. Why did you want to go to Disney? Because she's a Disney adult? No, well, they like that. to go down there, but, I mean, you've seen pictures of my father. He, that people that look like that go to Disney. They go to Disney. They go to Disney and he took a bus from Tampa to Orlando and they went to Disney.

First class, baby. And my dad went down there with the goofy years on. Sergio said something funny about his day. He goes, he goes, yeah, he goes, I go, what are you doing for Mother's Day? He goes, look, man, he goes, that's how my daughter, she's not my mom. Yeah. Yeah. I got to ask my daughter what we're doing for Mother.

Hey, my mother, she's her mother. Yeah, it's pretty funny. I said that to my wife too. She was like, what are we doing? I was like, you're not my mom. Yeah. Yeah. Ask your daughters to take you out.

She's like they're five and three. I said, that's your problem. You know what? It's also too, and we'll get back to Maccivelli, but it's just like classic. It's not wife's day. I fell for a trap again. Saturday, you know, because I had a little bit of a stomach virus. I wanted to get jazz like, you know, her Mother's Day gift.

I was going to get her these A6 sneakers. I was going to get her these nice A6, you know, and some flowers, whatever. She's like, Chris, I honestly, I don't want anything. We got people coming over. like just rest up like you know you being hers enough blah blah blah blah blah so of course i didn't get her anything cook the food did everything and then last night she was like it would have been nice to at least get flowers or be appreciated on mother's day i was like you told me not to do that that's what they do yeah you know that's in all of them i don't understand what that is that's not

that has nothing to do with the heritage no that's just that's what's in do with vagina yeah that's the same thing my wife said to me right i don't want to do anything on mother's day this is what i want to go look at this and that and then she asked me it would have been nice a little card i was like You said you didn't want anything. Yeah, it's just what they do. We took the kids on the horse, says, yeah, it's just what do you, you know. Yeah, it's just what, they just do that. It's a very interesting thing.

Jesse, what is that? What is what? When they tell you, I don't want anything, but then they get mad at you because they wanted to do it. Oh, it's a setup. To set up. To set up. And that's why Nick's life is the easiest because his blowup doll doesn't talk about. The blowup doll just, it says nothing.

It's thankful at all times. It just wants to be cleaned, right? Once a week. Yeah. Barely. Yeah. So Nick says, what do you want to do for Mother's Day, though? Yeah, so that, and that, there's something nice about that.

There's something real nice about that. It's really nice about people who got leaky roofs who fall in love with fences. There's one person who thinks they're married to the Eiffel Tower. It is fun to have a leaky roof. Guys, let's do supremacy World War III. What is it? I'm going to tell you, it's a modern military grand strategy game developed by Twin Harbor Interactive, part of the Stillfront Group, and we like it.

Yes, it's formerly known as conflict and nations. It was rebranded in 2025 to align with the successful supremacy franchise. Set in the near future global conflict, the game combines real-time warfare, deep geopolitics, and modern military technology. Guy, and they got real-time multiplayer, they got modern military units, they got diplomatic depth. I mean, Guy, you can really be a military strategy right now and you can just really beat people up you don't like. Yeah, World War III as a free-to-play grand strategy game, set in a realistic modern conflict scenario at a time when global headlines feel like strategy briefing.

This game lets you engage with those dynamics from a position of control. I like it when I'm watching the news and thinking about how fragile global stability feels. I throw in a little supremacy World War III and that's where I go and I just live out my fantasies. Yeah, it's a fun, fun game and you could really be the hero in your own world. Baby, all you got to do is download Supremacy World War III for free and see if you've got what it takes to dominate the Global Battlefield, there is a link in the show notes and a QR on screen if you're watching on video. Now, if you download the game via Our Link, you will get an exclusive starter pack containing the elite bomber seasonal unit, which has a value of USD 25 bones, offer valid for the next 30 days. It's available on browser and mobile pick your nation and start commanding today.

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No, I think he was a very smart kid. He wrote a lot of things. He wrote the auto war. Oh, didn't he write the auto war? No, well, that was a, Sun Su. But he wrote a book, his version called the Ottawa War. But supposedly those from historians that his version of it wasn't really that good. It was more about military strategy and shit like that.

Right. He was just, he was a guy trying to get back. He was a guy who had it and he lost it. Yeah. He was trying to get it back. But he was a kid trying to throw it a wig on, but people were tired of a wig. But they like, we've seen Morisa. But it's very interesting that, it's very interesting that during his life, like he never really reap the benefits of anything. Oh no. He died. He was, he was struggled his whole life. He struggled, no money. I mean, he was living off of, you know, his wife, dowry from the parents. He's a little farming money. I mean, the kid kind of died. obscurity, died in pain. What? Oh, stop hitting the thing? Yeah. Yeah, I got to put that thing down. You got to put that thing. Yeah, just pick up

the frickin' snooose. He never achieved what he was trying to achieve. And like I was saying, the guy got the book and just like perused it and put it down and said, I know what you're trying to do, saw it through it, and was very Machiavellian with him. Right. Going, you're from the enemy. I'm not letting the snake

back in the garden. Right. So it just, it didn't work out for him in his lifetime. But then what happened a hundred years later in France is a lot of these Enlightenment thinkers discovered Machiavelli and they used Machiavellian tactics to topple the king because basically what historians looking at Macaveli now and saying is like Machiavelli was teaching good guys. He was basically teaching like good leaders how to maintain their power. Right. It's like you have to be a little bit like the bad guy. Right. because those forces are trying to topple you.

So you have to learn from the enemy. Yes. And be better at the enemy's game. You got to learn the Chinese way and out Chinese to Chinese. Chinese. That's what it is. But he said there's a very delicate balance because, you know, is it better to be fear than loved? Of course, you know, people say fear.

You know, some people say love. But most people agree that, you know, fear will get you further. And, you know, especially career and more money probably. But that you don't want to be hated. So you got to be really careful because if people hate you, then it starts to work the other way. It's got to just be a little bit of fear where they know you won't mess with them. Like, you know, like, yeah, the benevolent boss, you know, people eventually are going to start taking advantage of them. You can be really nice to your employees.

But if they start to mess up, you can really only give them one, some bosses, say, half of a chance. And then you have to whip them back in, but be kind about it. If you start to get hated, then they start to commiserate about you. And McIeavale was. And so, here's the thing about Machiavelli, though. Here's what some also historians say is one of his principles in the prince is you don't want to be too famous

like you don't want to have all the attention because inevitably it's human nature if you start to get all the attention. People are going to want to start to take you down so the way to have power is to be in the shadows. So Machiavelli died in the shadow so some people say he was living his principles because the kid never got famous and he never got powerful.

And the funny thing is, like you said, it was basically a job application. He was basically saying, hey, you need a guy like me. Right. Look at this book and how smart I am and how I can help you.

I just want to be in the shadows. I'm not a threat to you. Right. But I want to get back to where I was because you have to understand this kid was a diplomat. This kid was hanging out with kings. This kid was eating caviar.

Right. This kid was in the palace. Yeah. This kid was in. He had a sitcom. Yeah. And then he got taken away. He wanted to get back in the club.

Yeah, he wanted it big. And he believed that humans were naturally selfish. and self-interested, fickle, greedy, easily influenced by fear. But the key thing is, he was not saying,

oh, I hate them because of that. He was saying this is, his whole thing was like, the world as it is, not as you wish it was. Big thing with every famous leader, George Washington, all these military leaders,

those are the best ones is when they just see the world as it is. So he was basically saying in this book is, guy, they're selfish, they're greedy, they're fickle. Even if you have to lie

and cheat a little bit, it's like, this is the way of the world. Because he wasn't religious. He was saying religion and all these things are making you think the world is something it's not. He was basically saying whatever you got to do for the health of the state, do it. And this is the way you do it.

And this is why you do it. You do it because there's forces out there constantly trying to topple you. And this is how you have to do it. If you have an enemy, it's better to do one swift, brutal decapitation than little ones over a many time. The enemy's going to get madder and matter and matter. So he's like, you got to do complete defeat. You got to wipe them out.

He was a kid who was not against a little genocide. He liked a little wipeout. Yeah, you just get rid of your problem fully. But he also wrote comedies. He wrote a comedy play called La Mandra Gola, which sounds like a nice pizzerie on Third Avenue. La Mandra Gola, consider one of the great works of Italian Renaissance Theaza.

The Catholic Church hated this kid. So unfortunately, Lynn wouldn't have liked this kid because they felt his ideas were immoral and dangerous. But that was after they went viral. I mean, they went viral. But during his lifetime, he was pretty much obscure. He was up completely. Yeah.

Now, you got guys like Napoleon, Otto von Bismarck, Benito Mussolini, all these guys used, you know, they kept a copy of the prints on them at all times. A lot of British war generals always had the prints on them. Because, you know, because the thing is, too, with power, it's like you really got to want it. You really got this book is for people I think now in today's world It's like everybody thinks They're supposed to be doing everything But back then it was like

It was understood like not everybody wanted to be powerful Like there's a lot of pressure to be powerful You gotta do all this kind of stuff It's like guy I'm not I don't want power Yeah I think you know it's funny Sometimes things are funny I really do think

This was a personal attempt To get a job back and say Hey look how value I can be to you but by doing that posthumously other people read it because you know he was responsible for toppling a lot of a lot of kings oh yeah so and that's what he

ultimately that's what he didn't like he didn't like dictators and kings he liked the republic yeah that's what he was a diplomat under a republic he thought that was the best way you know he was he was probably a good guy and he's probably a moral guy but I think he was trying to get his position back

he wanted to get back in but ultimately guys like you know, Robespierre, am I pronounced it right? Robes-Pierre from the French Revolution. These guys used Machiavellian tactics to topple the monarchy. Now, Robes Pierre's a funny guy because he used

Machiavellian tactics to topple the monarchy, and then the people killed him. And then he got, it turned on him. Yeah. But the... They sound like liberals. Yeah. They always turn on you.

They always turn it. They always eat each other. They like to eat their... They like to eat their own. The more extreme you go, they will inevitably they eat each other because they don't pass the period

yeah the extreme right does the same yeah you see that with the wait you're working for wait a seat wait a second this guy's a fed he's a fed now right now online all the like the thought the thought leaders on the right they're all eating each other because they're

accusing each other of being feds and they're all there's like three or four of them and one of them's the next MMA guy another kid is that Fuentes kid and they're all accusing each other being fed So that's fun. And then on the left, they're eating each other because they're going, like, those left guys are going,

Hassan Piker's bad. And then they're going, wait, Hassan Pekker's not the enemy. So they're all fighting with each other. And we've got to get out of the studio because we lost our internet again. Yeah, we just lost our internet again because Chris Italia probably got up to go get a sandwich. He blocked the signal. So it shakes the Ethernet up a little bit. So the guy, the real big giant of history that really loved him, obviously Rubb Sier and all those guys liked him too.

Rousseau, you know, they used it for the French Revolution. But Napoleon Bonaparte was the first big guy. He was huge into Machiavelli. Love him. He was into him big. Yeah. Yeah. He carried around like you carried around 48 laws of power.

Yeah. You carry around like you carry around peptides. Well, because I, to be honest, doing the research on Machiavelli this weekend, I dusted off 48 laws of power. And what we're going to do is each week, what we're going to do is we're going to come in and we're going to start doing, we're going to start reading an excerpt for 48 laws of power to start or end every podcast. Can we not do that?

Let's just do it. Okay, I don't like the idea, but I'm down for it. Why don't you want to do it? We'll ask the people, do they want us to do it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Every week, we'll just read a little excerpt.

I just think it could get a little annoying. Yeah. Okay, well, let's just do it for next week. Let's just do it for, we'll do it and we'll see how the people like it. We'll see if it's a good idea or a bad idea. Oh, bad idea. Yeah. What do you think?

Is that a good idea? I love it. Let's do it. Because here's the thing about the 48 laws of power, or we could do 50, sends 50 laws of power, they all tie into history. Okay, so let's do it. They all do have, have you ever read the book? No, let's do it.

No, I did. 48 laws of power. I did read that, yeah. So what's interesting to what Mackey Valley said is about fear is like fear is more like love is more of an internal thing. Like I can choose to love you, but fear is more of an external thing. It's like you just put that out there. It's almost like fear's out of control because it's like now you, I've done something and

you're making yourself like really go crazy because you're fearful. So he said that's got a lot more power because it's out there. It's in the external. It's mysterious. You know, we can't put your finger on it. Can't put your finger on it. It's what's your favorite word? What's your word of the day?

What is it? It's ethereal. It's ethereal. Every time you say, you go a little bit more peyoid. Now, let's be honest. Machiavelli basically was just teaching you how to fight like a chick. That's what it is.

He's just teaching you how to manipulate and fight like a chick. Like a chick. and be a little crafty and sneaky. And if you hate someone, tell him you like him, if you like him, tell you hate him, it's just fighting like a girl. It's just fighting like a girl. I mean, look at that face.

I mean, this is a guy who Yannis has, and you've admitted this about you, when you fight, you like to bite. Maccivoli is a biter. He's a biter. Cause? Yeah. I got a bit of a bug problem in the house.

I can't take you seriously. I'm being honest, because I had, you know, yesterday I had the family over, and I was a hard fight because I come down and I said, we got bugs. They're everywhere. And so I said, I need Pesty. Right.

So I got pets. Yes. Things like that coming in the kitchen. So I called, yeah, they're, you know, the ants are coming in the kitchen. They're eating the food. They felt like they were just dancing. They wouldn't leave. So these bugs.

Yeah. Pesty, I called Pesty and they said, we'll get rid of them. We know what to do because Pestey gets rid of over 100 types of bugs from spiders and ants to roaches and scorpions. Pestey is kid and pet friendly. The pesticides they ship are fully registered and have been used in hospitals. and schools all over the country. The kit includes a sprayer, a mixing bag,

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Pestie's 100% guaranteed to make you bug free or your money back. So that's what you got to do. You'll get a full refund. It includes all the stuff, Christy said. Keep the bugs away with Pestey. Go to Pestey.com slash hyenas for an extra 10% off your order. That's P-E-S-T-I-E dot com slash hyenas for an extra 10% off. Yeah, I mean, Mackey Valley, I mean, I'd like to see him on that AI Instagram that you sent where, like, they bring the figures to life.

It's actually mine. I've been going down a rabbit hole with that. So crazy. He's a history hyenas fan. I know that. I know. So could they do it with like Mackey Valley? Of course.

I'm sure it's been done. But because the only thing is with the paintings, it's like you don't know. It's artistic interpretation. But the actual picture. that's crazy. But you know, this is what I was thinking, like there are some portraits of guys that were around when there was photographs.

Like we have photographs of Abraham Lincoln. Right. And then there's also paintings of Abraham Lincoln. And the paintings look identical. And you have to remember that when they were doing these portraits and the paintings, they were trying to capture what the guy looked like. Right.

Right. They do it. And there's so many, that's why I sent you to George Washington one because there's so many images of George Washington that when they brought that to life, you're going, that is what the dude looked like.

Yes. Like when he's moving and shit, that, like, if people came back, you know that that's George Washington. Have you seen this, Jesse? Yeah, I sent it to him. Yeah, if you can pull it up. It's crazy. Because if you're listening or maybe we can, because he says just send pictures, I want to see what Machiavelli look like. Yeah.

Like they have one where they did, where they did Caesar. And like, you know, there's a lot of statues of seizure. Like, that is what Caesar look like. Well, and too, like, you know what the big one is. This one was, that is what the dude looked like. That's Thomas Jefferson. Yeah. And you know that's him because we have so many paintings of the guy.

It's wild too and like how, you know, even like the, what his skin most likely look like and everything. Because then they use like the details of it like people said. The guy had, I mean, this is, that is him, dude. Isn't that bizarre? That is so wild. That is what Thomas Jefferson looked like. I'm like you. I spent like an hour just like this like, but that is him, dude.

That's what he looked like. With AI, like these recreations of history are going to be so like it's almost like you went back in time and saw a video. Absolutely. Because they have so much information. It's like they can create every facet. I mean, this is wild. That is him.

I mean, I bet you if he was, like, if he walked in here, it would be almost exactly like that. Like Thomas Jefferson would recognize himself and say that's me. He recognized himself, but I bet you we would be like, dude, that's you. It may be a little off in the eyes or expressions, but like you, there's so many pictures of him. We know what he looks like. And then seeing him animated, you're going, dude, that's him. Do the George Washington.

It's called Bringing History to Life is the Instagram. It's so crazy. But it's bringing underscore history. underscore 2 underscore life. Yeah, I mean this one blew my mind because it's just... Look at GW. Yeah. Nick, look at this guy.

Look at this shit. Well, this is Thomas J again. Oh, here we go. George Washington painted in 1796 and then here's... I mean, that's him, dude. It's why... That is... That would be him. Because then AI would know, like, what does your face look like when you blink? What happens? What changes?

I mean, he was a tall, big kid. Yeah, I mean, look, dude. It's a little... It gives you the chills a little bit. It really does. Because it, and then it kind of goes to what we were saying on the Patreon. Like, this is kind of plain God. I mean, yeah, look at this, dude.

I mean, that is George, that's exactly like what he would have looked like. That's George Washington. Probably what his skin would have looked like. You know, they can do all that. I mean, that's wild, though. Show his wooden teeth. I want to see the kid's wooden teeth. I mean, that's fucking, Jesse, is that bugged out?

Very bugged out, yeah. Yeah. To see him like looking. See him like that, the way he was. Yeah. He does look like a bit of a squeak, though, there. He was a tall kid. But he was a tall kid.

What was it, like 6, 3, 6.4? He was a big boy. Was he tall enough to call him a tall drink of water? 100%. He was a tall drink of water, and he was supposedly a handsome drink of water. Yeah, he was a handsome drink of water. So, you know, bring history to life. If you hear this, I would love...

Look at this shit. Let's see Abe. Yeah, look at this shit. Let's see Abe. I mean, bugged out. I mean, bugged out. I mean, bugged out, dude. Make no mistake. Abe look like a Jew.

Way song she ain't. I mean, not really. The side profile's a bit Jewish. I mean, dude, that. That is Abe at that time. I mean, I'll kiss this kid on his lips big. I mean, this kid, he's got a good vibe. Him and George Washington got a good vibe to him.

Yeah. When they talk, it looks crazy. Yeah, Thomas Jefferson, you know, he's a smart kid. I like Washington. I want to hang out Washington. My guys are Washington. I really like Washington. Who's your guy?

Who's your top five? Who's the goat? Who's the goat of what? Just guys in history? That era, your era, where you were reanimated from, because we know you were a Hessian who got killed by Indians. Because, yes, I mean, G. Of course.

Is that number one for you? GW's number one. That's your Jordan. Yeah, I like him. Then I liked, I liked, what was his name? Von, he was the field marshal. Von, what was his last name? Von Strusal, he was the kid.

He was fully gay. He was like openly gay and he would train the troops. You know who I liked Big? You know who actually my guy is? The Marquis de Lafayette. Kid was only like 21 years old. I love the Marquis de Lafayette. Yeah.

Why do you like that guy so much? like it because he was a young French kid running around. Yeah. I like him. He probably, you know, like moved and had like a body like Marcelo Hernandez. I like that. You liked that? Like a twink.

Yeah, I like that. And then I really like Major John Andre, who was on the British side, who was hung for conspiring. It's a cocker. No, Major John, oh, he was hung dead. Okay. They hung him dead. He was the one that got caught up in the Benedict Arnold scandal, but he was on the British side, but I really liked Major John Andre.

I see a theme a lot in history for you. You like the bad guys a lot. You like to imagine the bad guys winning. I really do. Yeah, I really... Like, you're big into the British. Well, because I like the alternate history of it. Right, right.

Like, what would have happened, you know? But yeah, the Marquis de Lafayette big. And then I really like Benjamin Franklin. I really do like him. You know, I like, see, I'm a little different, okay? Yeah. I'm a little different. I like the revolutionaries.

I like to think of all the nameless faceless working class people who stood up and rebelled against the billionaires of their time. Okay? Because that's essentially what they were. They were the billionaires of their time. Yeah. Wink AOC, I love you. Because you can say anything. I don't care what you say AOC.

I agree with it. Because you are what we call a peace. A peace. Now did you hear about that? So she got in a little bit of hot water. She got a little hot water. Why? Because she said she was giving a speech. and she actually went, she used that as an analogy. And she goes, okay, essentially, she goes, essentially,

we were, when we did the American Revolution, we were rebelling against the billionaires of our time, okay? Right. And then people said, well, sweetie, George Washington was probably worth about 500 million. Yeah. And the richest guy, I can't remember his name in the colonies. He basically funded the whole thing.

He was a billy. Right. And all the founding fathers put together were, were worth many billies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it really was more about, hey, we don't want to get taxed. Yeah. So you're actually making what we call a Republican argument.

Taxation without representation. Yeah. So that's unfortunately. And she just delivers it with such confidence. Yeah, and she's just gorgeous though. She really is gorgeous. She's going to blow out when she gets older, though. I don't know.

She's so beautiful. She really is pretty. She looks like Nick's hot cousin. It's just, and the thing is if she wasn't beautiful, she wouldn't be this popular, right? Absolutely not. Is anyone sitting to listen to Taleb Kuli? Yeah. What's her name? Was she Talib? No.

No. Not at all. Okay. She is Beyonce. She is the Beyonce of the squad and the other girls are Michelle Williams and the other one. Yeah. And a friend of my neighbor claims he banged her in college. So it'd be funny if he actually did. Is that the kid who did comedy from your neighborhood?

Which kid? With the toupee? Oh, a little peedy? Yeah. No. No. Some other kid, you would have known, but she's He clapped her out.

Now here's the deal. Let her speak a little bit because if I was sitting with her at a bar, like we were at a bar, like, let's be honest. We know where she's going to be, right? She's going to be at a bar in Williamsburg or she's going to be a bar in Soho. She's never going to be up at a Dominican cafe. She ain't coming to Bay Ridge. No, she ain't going to be.

You know, she's just, that's what she's going to be with a white boyfriend. And if she was telling me this and like we were like met at the bar, I'm agreeing with it. Yeah, 100%. I'm agreeing with it. Yeah. I'm going absolutely. What we need to do is we need to murder a few more billionaires. Yeah.

We need to get rid of them. They're all bad. America was founded. Let's hear it. I like hearing her. You look at Thomas Jefferson writing. Yeah. To Madison.

It's just. It's just. The American revolution was against the billionaires of their time. Just make it work. Yeah. Was founded. You look at Thomas Jefferson writing to Madison in revolt of British aristocracy. Yeah, but yeah, it's just not true.

No, honey, baby. It's just, you're just, you're fitting it in for your ideology. It's just just not what happened. Honey, look, let's just see the tits. Yeah, it's just. Bada 14. Just take your tits out. It'd be funny if somebody stood up and said, honey, I better not for see the tits.

Yeah. It's just, it's not true what she's saying at all. not true. How could you say this? Not at all. Not at all. Not even close. Not affiliated. No. Not even at all. Yeah. Not at all. Yeah. Now also too before we get to the Patreon because the only one truth in this world is patreon.com such history I mean is. I just want to say one thing that the New York Knicks are being powered by Jesus Christ. I don't know what's going on. The New York Knicks are being powered by Jesus Christ himself. I've never seen anything like it. They are winning by like 30 and 40. They have they've never No teams in NBA history, I think have won by this margin.

You got to look, once in a while, you get a story that really tickles you in your heart. And let me say some of... My Josh Hart. Let me tell you something, okay? Let me tell you, Brunson turned down $104 million to stay with the Knicks and allow his guys, his disciples, to make a little scratch because he wanted to win. You see Steph Curry did the same thing, right? He wants, some guys, they go, I got enough.

I got enough. I'm going to make money with endorsements. I do also want to enjoy my life, and I want to be on a winning squad. Right. And another $104 million. I'll leave that for the John Walls of the world. Yeah, whatever. Just whatever.

I'm here to win. This is the character of their leader matriculating down onto the role players. It rolls downhill. Shit rolls down here. Just a guy with a little loyalty. a little integrity, and I love him. He looks like a cappuccino. He looks like a dapperino.

He's a cappuccino with oatmeal. He's a cappuccino with oatmeal. He's a little light skin king. Yeah. And I like this little light skin king. And he really is a great leader. And if I was a child during this, all this, even though I was a little white kid growing in Ridgewood,

I would have my hair braided in school today. Yeah. I would be down there because make, you ready for this one about fucking tell you, now. The Knicks are going to the NBA finals. I think the Knicks are going.

They're going to beat Detroit or Cleveland. No problem. BIC. And then they're going to get smoked by OKC. The Oklahoma City Thunder are an unstoppable force right now. And the Oklahoma City Thunder are a little scary to me.

But I'm going to, again, put my faith in Jesus Christ. And I'm going to tell the Knicks, if God willing I'm able to sit another game where I'm in earshot of them, I'm going to tell them that you are fighting for chrism and that is Islam. If that is Constantinople

and get it back, SGA, is... Islam! Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, if it's going to be an amazing story, I think they're both going to the finals, and it will be David versus Goliath.

But really, it is inspiring to see he's got all these guys playing. And I think it's because he leads by example. He's unselfish. I think taking that deal, that makes your guys buy in. When you got, I'm passing up 104 million because I want you guys to be here, and I want to do this with you guys. Yeah. That's loyalty.

That's commitment. That's a guy you're going to bleed. for. Bleed for. And here's the thing is people say, oh, the Easter's is a little weak.

They played the hawks and the sixes. It's like, guy, they're professional NBA basketball teams. Yeah. Okay, these guys

ain't missing their shots and they're playing great defense. It's like, or you can just say, or you can just be honest and go, all right, listen, you make a good point. Yeah.

Just what it is. Or you could just say that. All right, you listen, you make a good point, but still I'm excited that we're the king of the dipshits. Yeah, it's just what it is. Yeah.

So go Nicks. All right. So now, as always, at the end of every episode, patreon.com slash history. I mean, is where all the fun happens. We picked the funniest name. And they get, oh, and by the way, real quick, we want to announce, I look through it last week's winner

goes to Janice's eyes are closer than the cousins that made him. Wow, that one. That seemed like it won. Wow, okay. That seemed like it won. Okay. So it was a good, simple, clean. Yeah.

The problem with that one now is it's going to be hard to top it. Let's see if you could come with some good Cyclops jokes. Yes. Because that, it's like, that is clean, simple. So, yeah, so that is, that was the winner. And, you know, again, you can only get involved at patreon.com slash history. I ain't is. But let's start with this list.

Today's list, we have Sam, Leon. Then we have Josephine, which is my dog. Josephine is a Yukon fan because, like her father, she only likes her kind. Ladif 14. It's a husky joke. It's a racist joke. Since it's the first one, I don't know. I can't tell the future what this.

lift is going to turn out to be. Okay. I'm putting it on the list. There we go. It's good. It smells like a Drexler, but I'm not sure. Not sure, but it's good. Fellow Catholic praying Christy doesn't lose his house.

He can't afford amen. That's a good prayer. Kieran Knightley. Then we got I Smoke Hashman. Then we got Chrissy's alternate universe, K-pop Frisbee Hunter. Wow. Okay. Wait on shit.

Tony, take note. It's like a demon hunter. That's for the end of the year. Yeah. Then we got Sean the contractor. the woulda did the door right. Chicken finger. That's an old school what.

Then we got Admiral Badientos, Oliver Watson. Then we got Murphy's Borough, Elks Lodge, 572. Kids, yeah. Very funny. Yeah, it's a good Elks Lodge. He wants to do a show there probably. He probably wants us to go over there. Then we got Halle Glouya.

Chicken finger. Big one. Then we got a muzzly gas station called 9-11. Way song she ain't. It's 10 at 7-11. Yeah. Drexler Put him on the list

All right, fine I don't know Where this list is going Ian Mays Austin Blackstone Half pint Then we got Pep Talk Convince me

Now I'm PepTarded PepTarded is great Drexler Then we got Gotcha Gotcha Gotcha Because they spelled it

Like the next Yeah they got you Oh Is this me Hold on Yeah All right And we're back

Then we got Scream 7 Return Okay Okay, walked in the one back to back. Then we got met Tom Cruise. Now I'm gay. Call me Top Fun.

Like Top Gun, Top Fun. Yeah, almost. Okay. DJ, then we got, she took the kids, but she can't unsweet my chimney. Put them on the list. Take out the catapult. Yeah. We have a contender.

So the kid's saying, his wife took his kids, but I'll always have that she ate my ass. Just top contender. Yeah, then we got. I wipe my ass with dude wipes. Now my wife's underpants look like she's on her, period. I don't get it. I guess he wiped his ass with dude wipes. I guess his ass blood and he threw on his wife's undies.

Got it. Yeah. Really good. Drexler. Yeah. Yeah. That was so good. It took me a second.

It was the difference between the shit and the blood. Right. Yeah. Then we got it's 29 years too long to wait for my adult penis to come in. List it. List it. Contender. Yeah.

Contender. Then we got Chuck Minoris. Sean Ramsey. Culio. Hihina. melted six. Then we got Colada 14. My Belly Button has fumes. Okay. Then we got Carlos Spicy Weiner. Dix Zillow. Then we got Jump Start My Micropine like Flicking a Bean. Then we got Iran didn't listen. Trump said, I told you asshole. Close. I had told you so. Oh, I

told you so. Yeah. Okay. I want to retroactively Drexler the jumpstart my peen. Jumpstart my micropine like flicking a bean. Yeah. I want to. I I want a Drex for that. That's a really good one. Then we got Martin Ryan, Douglas Bruker. Then we got illegal Latinas, made me a spermacidal maniac. Epic. Then we got congestion pricing, unclogged the Jewish tunnels.

Wei Songxian. Just what it is. Okay. That's for the end of the year. It's a Drexler. Drexler. Drew Sabota. Then we got to spend $40 on you instead of of you better make me come.

I don't get it. Only fans. Only fan. Got it. Brand 56. Then we got Louis C. Gay. I like to play with my coxnot and large crowds every day. Drexler.

Christopher Albarico. Then we got wise her squirt smell like ammonia. Good question. Chicken figure. Then we got prep advocate at the Mom Dani store. They egged me. I don't know. Then we got, now I have to rewatch to hear what you actually say.

Okay. William Gidlow. Then we got Slippin' Henry, fuck the Army, Jenny, Leroy Dinglin. Okay. Heard of theory and tested. My clone is gay. Clitorisorosaurus Rex. Zachary Haynes.

Sloppy Sofrito shooter. Aaron West. Having trouble reading this. It's a long-ass name, bitch. Seth. Then we got Yanni gluing his own gyro. Kyle Bolton. Flushing dog catcher selling chicken fingers.

I don't get it. Flushing? I don't know. dog i guess chinese dog a lot of Asians and flushing oh flushing queens a little too inside big man pokey Lucas klaus Big man pokey gets a chicken fig what's up big man pokey I like that Then we got bought a squatty potty so I could reach my piece Drexler okay

Then we got using the typing indicator on iMessage as an emoji for three Indians dot dot dot He went for it he went for it rock mastringello uh katy harry leonard why do the bad guys always smell funny Wee-sung-she-Ain Put him on the list Geez yeah put them on the list It's just funny

Zion Sanchez Evan Miller Shane Chambers is my favorite doctor Shut out Yeah Then we got lactose intolerances It's for the gays

And women Real men just shit their pants After eating cheese It's what it is It's like That's borderline I'm a Drexler We got better ones

Ian McDoni Yanni's P Leaky Glugon provides the secret ingredient for Siziki the kid with the small piece Make no mistake I'll suck till those toes

Come undone Call him straight toe Chrissy Put him on the list That's just funny Yeah Yeah Fix you up Yeah

Fix you up This finally feels like the home Time to sell Right Alex Zilmer Caesar Zarata Andrew Andy Dufrain Omar

Alex Climan Married a Leroy am I Wait-songsciane Shit Okay Latif 14 Wait though

That was bad The word play though Yeah The inside joke though We can't do anything though But it is his kid It's his kid Or her kid

Or her kid Or her kid Or her kid Nick what do we do Nick what do we do? There's a good pun on On victim of a bad read It's

walked in one Yeah, walked in a one. All right, Nick could give us walk to him. Yeah. Could win it at the end of the year, though. Could win it at the end of the year. Then we got Red Bio for name, Shane Lamb, Harrison Hitzla. It's my name, it's what it is.

His name is Harrison Hitzla. Okay. Funny. Olaf, Rachel Taylor. Does it get bigger? Please tell me it gets bigger. Chicken finger. Jeffrey Dahmer and Cannibal Cumshot.

Small muzzie that likes wrestling. me the iron squeak. Chicken finger. Nice. Yeah. It's a mild chicken finger. It's a small chicken finger. You think two pages is enough?

Yeah. Yeah. You think we got enough for a list? Are you sure? Okay. Oh yeah. Okay. All right.

All right. So, relatively strong list. Last week's list was a Hall of Famer. The best of all time. And even the fans were saying that. So this is obviously still great, but you got to understand like this list in and of itself might be a Drexler. That's right.

Okay. So Josephine is a Yukon fan because like her father, she only likes her Kind. We're going to dresser that. We put it on as a holding place, but still good enough. A muzzly gas station called 9-11. That's a really good one. We're going to Drexler it. She took the kids, but she can't unsweet my chimney. We're keeping that around. That's around. We're not letting it leave. Then we got, it's 29 years too long to wait from my adult penis to come in. We're keeping it around.

Calling it an adult penis to me is very funny. Then we go, why do the bad guys always smell funny? We're keeping it around. It's just so. funny. Then we got make no mistake. I'll suck till those toes come undone. Call me straight toe creasy. We got four. We got four really good ones. Keeping that around. Yeah, that's funny. Okay. Is that all? Is that it? Those are the four. Okay. We got it. It's a tough job. So, I'll read them all out. She took the kids, but she can't unsweet my chimney. It's 29 years too long to wait for my adult penis to come in. Why do the bad guys always smell funny or make no mistake? I'll suck till those toes come undone. Call him straight toe Chrissy.

Okay. We're going to, this is going to be, we're going to, we're going to solve this as one warm collectivist organism. Right. Because this is not a job for executive order. No. This, this requires a brain trust. This is what it is. Yeah.

So, guys, I'm going towards, I'm going towards Drexlering the Toes. Drexlering. What do you think? Yeah. I say Drexler the Toes. Even though it's great. It's great. Drexler it.

Yeah. Hard. Any other day. So now it's between she took the kids, but she can't unsweet my chimney. Is 29 years too long to wait for my adult penis to come in? Or why do the bad guys always smell funny? I mean, this is as hard as the decision as we've ever had. This is as hard as last week.

This is as hard as last week. I mean, the volume of good ones isn't like last week. Yeah. But the three ones we have are as good as any ones we've ever had. So for me, if I had to pick one, you got a gun to my piece. I'm going to say she took the kids, but she cannot sweep my chimney is the winner. Because it really made me laugh Really good

Because it's very funny And we've all been there Where it's like you can You know An ex-girlfriend or whatever Or you know ex-wife You can do whatever But that happened

Always know you ate my ass Yeah Yeah It's a good one And it's kind of one of those things That you'll have forever Yeah To say you know

This guy She'll get remarried And he'll say She ate my ass For me this is very difficult Because I agree with you But I don't want to forget These other two

Right I don't I mean I don't want to forget them I don't believe that they lost today. Right. I don't believe the bad guys always smell funny lost. Right. I don't believe, I don't think the guy who said is 29 years too long away from my adult peers growing lost today.

Yeah. So I just want to say to you two guys, this is what makes this game so tough. Tough, yeah. It's the luck of the draw. You're in a list with this guy. Right. I mean, on another list. They're all winners.

They're all winners. It's just unfortunate. Well, so what's your vote, though, of the three. I agree with you. You do? What do you guys think? Nick and Jesse? Yes, yeah, I agree.

Yeah, I love the adult penis, but yeah, she can't unsweep a chimney. Yeah. So congratulations. Go to History Aeanis is Back.com. See your name up in lights. You are the PPW, the pseudopinous of the week. She took the kids, but she can't unsweet my chimney. So you are the winner.

And, you know, congratulations to you. You will always have that over her. Yeah. So thank you guys so much for listening. Go to patreon.com slash History Aeanus to hear the bonus episode. And this episode, ad free.