History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Parasite Queen | History Hyenas

Episode Date: December 25, 2025

It's the last episode of the year and boy is it a whopper. The Boys find a new matriarchy in nature - Ants! they get into the wild existence of the queen and her colony. Then, the event we've all been waiting for, The Pseudo Penis of the year. That's right, Chris and Yanni, along with a few special guests calling in, pick the best Patreon name of 2025! Enjoy! Support our sponsors: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to https://RocketMoney.com/HYENAS today. To explore coverage, visit https://ASPCApetinsurance.com/HYENAS #comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://store.historyhyenaspod.com Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, this is our last episode of the year. You have to listen to this entire episode because we ended it with the PPW winner of the year. The best Patreon name of the year was crowned this episode at patreon.com says history hyenas is the only way to be a part of this. But we read out all the names at the end and it was amazing. And we also talked about ants. We talked about ant colonies and how crazy they are and how it's another. animal that is a matriarch, which is nuts. You're going to enjoy it. This is one of our favorite episodes we've ever done. See me on the road. You can see me in San Francisco,

Detroit, and Calgary. Those are three places. Janus Peppers Comedy.com. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Merry Christmas. San Francisco. Go see Janus. It doesn't even have any power right now. All the cars, all the Wimo cars broke down. And I will be New Year's Eve. Count Bazy Theater, Red Bank, New Jersey, Christycomedy.com for Tikiwikis. Happy. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Kwanza. Right? Yeah, we got to remember the Leroy holidays. Leroy, it's all happy. It's a happy time of year. You want to give us a gift? Patreon.com slash history hyenas for weekly bonus episodes. We love to see you over there because that's what Santa wants. It's what it is. Now, comment below. Do you think we picked the wrong name

or did we pick the right one? We think we picked the right one. And in the immortal words of Christa Stefano from the First Reich of Hyenas, Santa's peace. Peace. All right, everyone, welcome to another episode of history. Hienas, we are here at the end of the year and we are queer. Now, buckle up. I'm Chrissy D. Janus is about to talk and he has a cold, so he's got that ruffled man voice.

So if you have a, if your balls are full, you're going to want to go relieve yourself and then listen to this episode for the safety of you and your family because you might splew. Jeremy's spoken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That just makes you automatically sexier, no? Because I like your mask. So you can get wet, just listen it to me? Yeah, because, and I like, that's why I just let you go on and on and on about a story that you've told before because you have dementia.

And I said, because I just was getting a little peeing from your voice and you just sound like the kind of woman I want. Yeah! Yeah! Because I don't acknowledge this as at the end of the year because I go by Chinese New Year. So whenever that is, that's what I'm, that's the new rear. I go with the new rear. It's what it is because the new rear and Chinese New Year, it seems like in 2026, is just going to be the year of Taiwan.

They're just going to take it. They're going to get taken, right? Yeah, I feel like they're probably going to take it. And I got to be honest with you, when they take it, not much is going to change in my life. Yeah, I've had enough of islands. I'm had enough of hearing about islands. Yeah. I don't want to hear about Epstein's Island and I don't want to hear about Taiwan anymore.

Yeah, I don't care at all about anything. I'm just worried about my block and my neighborhood. That's what I'm worried. And I just urge people to do the same because you're taking in too much info. Yeah. Okay, who cares? Then let them eat Thailand. Yeah. I don't know what you want me to say, maybe. Yeah, yeah. As Schultz said, how are they going to tell who's who? Oh, yeah, that was an original joke. Yeah. Yeah. They're paranoid over there. If you talk to, um, not Ronnie Chang. Bobby Lee. It's the wrong way. No, not Bobby Lee. Um, uh, uh, uh, uh, it's my friend. Des Bishop? Not that Chinese guy Ali's friend

This is brutal We're going to have to cut this Because he's my friend He's Taiwanese Allie's friend Kind of deadpan talks like a black guy Oh Shane Wang Shang Wang

Sorry Shang Wang sorry Shang Wang Sorry I whited out his name Yeah you whited out his name We Yawi Yeah sorry No what do they call it When you white wash it White washed it

Yeah you white washed that And I'm sorry Shane Hopefully you don't hear this Shane's a great comic. He's a great comic and a great guy. He's a friend of mine. He's one of the people I really enjoy and I like. And I'm sorry, just haven't had my coffee yet.

It has nothing to do with me, like forgetting Chinese people. If you think it did, okay, you caught me. Yeah. But anyway, he's Taiwanese and he was telling me that they are like very paranoid of mainland Chinese. Like they live in constant fear. Taiwanese people. Yeah, like they hate China and they live in constant fear of China.

That must be wild to be this like little. Sure. And just you got one big friend that you're hoping is going to get your back. Right. But they might just take you for the table. Yeah, but you got this red fucking lion who just invented a drone ship. Have you seen what the Chinese are doing? No, I haven't seen that.

They invented this, they came out, they beat us to this massive mothership. They call it like a mothership that just sends drones out. Because we're, we're going to talk about Aunt Collins. Whoa. Yeah. that looks cute though no they so the drones just shoot out from this mothership it's like a fucking spider

giving birth to all these spiders it's wild and these drones just shoot out they call it the killer whale the killer whale the killer whale yeah and that's and so that thing yeah the unfortunately we are just going towards Terminator and there's nothing we can do about it it's nothing we can do about it

it's really just make me a cyborg let's speed it up I want to be a cyborg put the neural link in yeah half woman half Man, I'm ready. I'm ready to go. Yeah. I, uh, yeah, I don't know what to do anymore other than just as I've been saying it. Week after week, there's only one person that could save you and he has two names.

Go to church. Jesus cried. You've been going to church. I've been going to church and I've told people in my family, if you're not going to go to church and get out of my way. That's what it is. That's what I've been saying. That's what I've been saying.

And I got to be honest with you because the only person who does come to church with me is my dog, Josephine. She's the only one that will listen. Right. That's Siberian Hussein. that trans-Siberian Husky, she listens. Now, we're doing a little segment on this show now called Checking in with Josephine. Yes. Where are we at?

How's it going? What furniture do you got left? I got. So what I have, what we've been doing a good job is keeping her in one room of the house and not giving her, not letting her explore the territory. She has all of a sudden, though, we have a little bit of a regression. We had 10 days in a row with zero accidents. And then this morning, she shit and pissed in the house.

So I don't know what happened there. Just puppy stuff. Had a little regress, but that's okay. And things have been good. My daughter, my little one, squeezes her head and will accidentally kill her one day. It's just what it is because she squeezes her head too hard. But kids just want to squeeze puppy's heads. Yeah, yeah.

But she's a cute, cute dog, and she licks her vagina all day. Yeah, my dog likes to lick his own prick all the time. Yeah, it's what he's just licking her vagina all day and it's just S-L-K-S. Not a bad life because you can reach it very easily. Now, here's the situation. If we all could, we would. We would. Who would it?

If I'm going to jerk it, I'll definitely suck it. Yeah, I'll suck it, yeah. The thing that I know... Have you tried? To suck my own piece? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't...

And I can't do it, so what I do. You're a tough cookie to fold. Yeah, I can't do that. And I don't have the flexibility, but I'm working on it. But I do just sometimes I like to eat my own glue. Now, do you think yoga guys, like, just definitely do it? I can't understand why a guy would be doing yoga other than to suck his own penis. I mean, look, if you put that on the flyer, I might show up for a few ses.

What is the old? Don't tell me if you're a man it's because you want to be more flexible. It's because you want to be able to suck your own pee or lick your own ass. Right. That's it. Why would a guy do yoga? Exactly. That's the only reason to do yoga. So guys who do yoga, self-sucking is a real thing.

Guys who do yoga who don't want to do that. I don't understand. I mean, this guy's got a missile. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, and talk about something to do when you're having a little anxiety. Yeah. Instead of putting the thumb in the mouth, just going down there and giving yourself a blow it would definitely set your nervous system right because you could stick a thumb in your

ass like Josh Hart you could do that I mean kid Josh up with that stick it is I mean he's a funny kid is what it is yeah what is up with that those just funny guys those guys you know what's funny is like the black guys now are different from black guys I think we grew up sure because they engage in a lot of like white boy fun sure like you know putting a finger in your friend's butt is definitely white friend move well you realize too being gay is it's a it's a it's a it's a world wide thing, but it is most, it's big in America. Being gay's big, huge in America, because you don't like in China, there's just like no out gay people in China. They just don't exist really. Is that a fact? Or they exist in very, very, very small numbers, but here it's every

race is kind of, there's gay. We should know that. I mean, yeah, I mean, does anyone know that? Nick, have you, do you do any research on that? Yeah. Are they out and open and here it is? Let's see what happens. Knicks his finger in his butt. There it is. And, you know, yeah, Listen, maybe they're going with the Sacred Band of Thieves kind of vibe. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe they're all banging. Yeah. It's very possible.

It's just what it is. Yeah. And they probably mess around like that all the time. And he got mad. Jalen, but I don't think he got mad. I think he got mad in like a dude, like we're on TV way. I don't think that they, because here's the thing that you know, you don't want to happen. Is this a little prank right here?

Now start, you're going to have people in the comments that get serious and be like, that it sucks all. It's hot. Yeah. And it's like, no, it's just. guys having fun. It's just athletes having fun. You should see what they do in the shower. Yeah. Or maybe they're fucking.

That's fine too. Maybe we've gotten to that point in society where it's just kind of happening a lot, where that breakdowns kind of happened like in ancient Greece and Rome. Maybe the guys coming up now are just like, you look hot. Like in the shower? What do the comments say? I mean, I know people have probably spoken about this. It happened a week ago,

but I do like to sometimes see the, oh, you got to log in. I forget it. I know what the comments are just saying? They're predictable. Right down the color line for sure. white guys are going, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And black guys are going, told you. Yeah. Once you get into the Illuminati.

Yeah. You got to pop that ass, cherry. Yeah. What it is. I mean, every conspiracy theory in the black community leads back to, they're going to poke your ass. Or they're going to make you put a dress on. Yeah, they're going to make you put a dress on.

Or they're going to poke your ass, which if that's the worst thing you do, I mean, not bad. Not bad. Now, here's another thing that I did this week and that was interesting is my dad did this when I was a kid, and then I did it again. The groceries came. Put a little money on Jake Paul and lost it all? I lost it all. Yeah. Yeah, and Jake Paul, you know, and it's

interesting. I've sent now two texts to Jake Paul and I've gotten no response, so I think I might have pissed him off. Well, it's wild that you thought he would respond when he was about to get his jaw broken. The guy was busy. Well, because I said, I said, dude, miss you. This is on Tuesday December 2nd. I said, dude, miss you, how are you going to fight Anthony Joshua and not get

hard in the ring? Do you have a plan for that? No response. And then I texted him Saturday afternoon, I said, great fight man, you looked awesome, seriously, unreal, and also Anthony Joshua broke my jaw once too, but not with his fist. And then I put the emoji in the car like that. And then I said, enjoy all your success, babe. And he just didn't respond. Yeah, well. So it's just, I think I've pissed him off. No, I think he's a little busy because he's in the hospital having major surgery and he can't, you know, when you get your jaw broken, it's highly unpleasant.

Have you ever gotten your jaw broken? No. Yeah. I deserved it a few times. Yeah. I think that's the only way to get me to stop being black and white. It's just to break your jaw, right? I think the only way to get me to stop being black and white cookies is I have to start eating black and white people. Yeah. I think I have to Jeffrey Dahmerer. Yeah. Well, let's make a note for Bay Ridge Boys episode where Chrissy goes on a mission to have his jaw broken so he can stop eating sweet.

Yeah, yeah. Just make a note of that because that's a good, that's a good episode. That would be very funny. Yeah. We should just go around going, please break my jaw. So he starts doing things in order to get his jaw broken. Yeah. And nobody will break his jaw.

Yeah. Yeah. And then I'll figure out a way how to maybe put black and white cookies in his smoothie. Yeah. Or in your ass. You're trying to take your ass cheeks and bunch of them down. Yeah, he's just busy because, and he's not, when you break your jaw, you know you got, you got to go on a liquid diet for like two weeks or a month.

He can't eat. And he has grown out his beard now to the point where he is looking like a white muzzy. He is looking like one of those people who just got radical. Like a jihad John. Online, yeah. Now, my boys were saying at the dinner. Ooh, you had a wild meal. Yeah, we had a nice meal.

One of my friends brought a gun to. Let me ask you, in Dave Chappelle's latest special, he talks about. FBI lighting at the club? Yeah. Was the lighting in the restaurant just a little brighter? Was that dinner under surveillance? It was under surveillance. And my boys made it a point to say out loud at the table, which was fully open to the rest of the public, to call Dave Chappelle's special by the name Dave Chappelle to, which is the unstoppable.

Last 14. I said, you know, that's not the name of it. It's the unstoppable Dave Chappelle. And they said, no, no, no. That's what Netflix said. But they said, if you watch the special. And they said, he actually wants to be called the unstoppable. Yeah, and they didn't.

So that's what they were saying because they were saying we're respected Dave Chappelle and what his wishes are. Because that's the name of the special and what was the name in a restaurant you were at? I can't say.

You can't want to get in trouble. Let's just bleep it because I want to know how Italian the name's out. Yeah, it's called. Yeah, just bleep it. Yeah, so it might have been an establishment where you could let that fly.

Well, actually it's the title of special. You can't accurately tell someone what you just want. That's what they were saying. That's what my voice was saying. They're like, it's not, we are being, we are actually being less racist by doing what Dave

wants us to say. Right, right. So, so whatever, but we had a, we had a good time. I ate four desserts and it was a real nice time of drinking espresso martinis. Yeah. And and all... Everybody at the table's got good benefits. Good benefits.

Including Debo. FDNY, NYPD. Debo was filming me, eat dessert after dessert after dessert. High chair or no? No, he didn't have a high chair, but he did. We got baked clams for the table and Debo ate 19 out of the 20 clamps. I like that. So we said, what the hell is going on with you? He, well, he wanted to match the amount of clams. He, he ate to the amount of cold beer he drank. Yeah, yeah. No, he was, everybody was told they have to drink

espresso martinis, but that, don't forget, that's a big glass. So that really was big for Debo. Yeah, it was like, it was like one of those spring break joints. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Grab two hands like that. Now, this is just an annual dinner that you, this is a yearly dinner, which we were I invited you to but you had had the shows but then you wound up not doing the shows now what's it like just being the only theater at the table? Yeah I mean

I do get called that word a lot But that's what Debo actually said He goes Yonis needs to come next time He goes and he needs to put the fucking wig on That's what they That was an exact quote Yeah So they want you to put the wig on

Yeah yeah would you do it? Yeah I'll fucking do it yeah Why not? I'll fucking do it and it was fun It was fun I got to Kids love more recent Yeah I got invited to multiple FDNY Christmas parties and kids engagement parties in Bay Ridge and I got invited to about six

different parties. Now, what do they feel like when we do Latter 14? Do they like it or do they think we're making fun of them? Do they hate it? I think that they ultimately like it because we say the things that they want to hear. That's what they really want to hear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they're going, how the fuck does you get it so accurate? I mean, for a kid who does skits, how do they know what they're doing? Well, what's interesting is, you know, my friends are all, you know, FDNY, NYPD, elevator mechanics, but the topic of the conversation for about two hours was Elon Omar's Medicaid, Somali, and fraud. So I said, I didn't realize that that is what you guys were really focused on is about

Elon Omar and these freaking Medicaid fraud from the Somalis. Yo, because what have your friends been doing for news since Charlie Kirk's passion? They haven't been able to tune into the American network that my mother-in-law watches big. Big, yeah. So they, you know, I don't know, they just talked a lot about Elon Omar. Elon Omar is in an interesting situation. Do you think that she took money herself and pocketed some money?

I don't know, but as we did cover, I do know that a large percentage of the people that didn't happen to be Somali. They were really running a little thing. And she also happens to be Somali. She happens to also be Somali. It's what it is. She also happens to be in a position of power

in that particular district. Yeah. So I think right now they just raided Tim Walz's office. It's what it is. So if you're on one side, you're going, this is federal overreach, on another side, and racist and fascist, and then the other side, you're going, finally somebody's doing something about all this fraud, that I would guess, I think the Somalis are kind of like, they're kind of like the Louis C.K. of Medicaid fraud. Right. They're making an example of the Somalis, but I would guarantee you that if you go to state by state, it's probably going to be pretty hefty. Right.

Because the thing about socialist programs, and I know this from doing social work, is people just take advantage of them because you're dealing with people whose job is to be empathetic. Right. You don't want to be discerning. It's seen as cruel. If you're asking questions like, so what's your real job? They go like, I'm already a victim and you're asking me question. So it's like people just hand over the money. I know I did.

I'd get a call and I'd go, how were you affected by 9-11? And they would go, well, I got sad for 10 minutes. And I go, here's some pathmark food vouchers and let me get your rent paid for it. Yeah. Because I don't want to be the guy that questions a victim. Yeah.

So it's just built in. It's kind of baked in, it's a flaw. Just like every system has a flaw. Socialism has mostly positives. Yeah. Just like capitalism is mostly positives. Yeah.

But they're baked in flaws. Now, do you think Somalian people who have pools, do they have a diving board? Does it look too much like a plank? And if you're Somali, you just say that's catnip. It's just catnip. It's catnip because they love piracy. They love piracy.

But so do they have diving boards in the pools? Or does it look like a plank and they don't want to go down it? That is a very good question. Have you thought about that? Do they raise flags outside their house? Like it's on a shipmast? What do they do? That's a very good question. Yeah, I mean, I don't understand why there are flags in his skull with two crossbows. Yeah, I don't get it. I don't understand. Because I say when I go to the Somali neighbors in Minnesota, I said a lot of you guys have two legs. I didn't think pirates had two legs. Yeah, and I'm saying, how come all these same guys have different names? It's just what it is. Now, how does the same,

Why is the same guy everywhere? Because they just happen to look very much alike. It's just what it is. And I know Yassine is listening to this. He's a friend of mine. Yassine, I got to do my job. It's just what it is. Yeah.

Now, I got a text. I got a text out of nowhere from Janus. Random yesterday, 1145 a.m., you know, just go and do my Sunday chores, going to go to church, trying to get bagels for the kids, trying to get Chris together. And he goes, out of nowhere, remember, evolution favors energy efficiency. So I said, do you mean that I should convert my house? to geothermal energy and change oil? And then he goes, it's what it is. I said, okay, what's going on here?

He goes, I've been down a rabbit hole of ant colonies because it's wild and fascinating. You realize survival and evolution is not about working harder. It's about not wasting energy. Peace isn't laziness. It's returning energy to its rightful owner. Working harder can kill you if someone is working smarter or more accurately, more efficiently. Then you should want your mind's blown.

Do you feel like today? And then he said, we're going to start reading about ant colonies. We're going to do it together. I said, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I said, I got to read about ants. And then you sent me an article about ants, and it's absolutely wild to know that all you got to know about ants is that there's a type of ant colony. Okay? And the Italians in Bensonhurst and Staten Island, who are loyal listeners to the podcast, we really appreciate your love and support.

You're going to want to put earmuffs in right now because what these ants do, is they spray a chemical on the queen ant when they want to take over, and then they make the little ant babies eat their own ma. It is. They eat their own mother. They eat their mother something that would never happen in an Italian household. No, you would never attack your mom. Yeah, Italians go, whoa, I'm turning you so off.

Yeah. Just like you said, I can't listen to this mattress. They can't, yeah. Because ant colonies are wild. There's 14,000 that we know of, different types of ant species, but only about a dozen of them. are kind of dangerous to humans and very few deaths. Right.

The bulldog ant down under in Australia is one that takes a couple of human lives, maybe three in the last 10 years, but they could really hurt you. Their bites come with a little fucking ouch. Ants are why, you'll... First of all, Australia, everything can kill you down. Everything can kill you. Even the rocks are alive. You step on it, they'll fucking kill you.

But ants are a wild thing to contemplate because, first of all, there's a catrillion of them. Right. And I want to make it very, very clear right now. We're talking about ants. We're not talking about Chinese. You're not doing a slur thing. We're talking about little ants.

We're actually talking, this is a unique situation on history hyenas where we're actually talking about the thing we're referencing. Yes. We're not using it as another term. We're not doing a slur here. This is about ants, the bug, the ants. Yeah, we're not talking about who there's a lot of them. Yeah, so don't get twisted. Although if you want to use it that way, it technically wouldn't be wrong.

I mean, it would it be a great analogy. Yeah. I mean, they are a lot of them, and a lot of them are underground. Yeah, but we're not saying that. We're not saying that. We're not saying that. We're talking about actual ants. And plus, these ones are red.

Exactly. So we weren't talking about, they're not the color you would, you know what I mean? Exactly. Right. Right. Yeah, we're not talking about birds. Right. We're not talking about anything that looks like a banana in color.

Yeah. Yeah. We're talking more about, it's more of a Native American look. Yep. Yeah. It's more of a Nick look. It's more of a red ant. There's red ants.

Yes Yeah So there's American ants I got you I just wanted to make clear to the audience If they weren't taking anything out of context

We're talking about ants Yeah we're talking about ants because some of our fans Are a little Um They're unshackleable Sure And we want to just know

That we've seen on the Patreon What we call Walked Into Ones And we don't support The new nickname That you have for Nick We don't like it We don't like that

We don't like that Yeah Okay as far as we know It is Nick The Stick Yes Nick the Stick or Theater Kid Nick or something like that.

We're not going with the one that rhymes that a few of you have made it your favorite. We don't agree with that and we don't like it. Yeah. Now thankfully Nick can't afford the Patreon. Yeah. That's good, but this little band, we don't want that in our community.

Yeah, yeah. We had to say that for legal reasons in case Nick Seusses in the future. Yeah, it's what it is. We didn't create it. We don't condone it. It's what it is. Yeah. So, Ants, first of all, God can they make babies. This queen because, I mean, Puerto Rican's

got nothing on ants. Nothing on ants. Ants could make like a million babies. That's what it is. And they're a wild, it's wild because they, and that's why I was talking about energy efficiency, because they're so amazing, but they just stick to their particular job. They don't waste any energy

on anything else, and that's how they survive in harsh conditions, like all life species. They get really good at one thing. thing. They're not trying to do a million things. They're not trying to do a million things. They don't waste energy. It could be life or death for them. So the soldier ants, a lot of people that know, the soldier ants, they're fucking lesbians. Wow. Yeah, they don't, but they're, they're, they're like celibate lesbians. Interesting. They're like lesbians. Nobody wants to fuck. They're all

female. The soldiers are all female. So we located another species that is a fucking matriarchy. Wow. So it's right away, you know it's going to become another favorite animal of ours. A hundred percent. Yeah. So you got the queen and then all the soldier ants are chicks. Yeah. So you're telling me it's matriarchy and they're gay? We're in. We're in. And these ants, they're female technically, but they got no fucking pusses. They look like Ken and Barbie dolls.

So then how do they get banged out? They don't get banged out. They just fucking work for the queen and then they die like sad. It sucks. I couldn't think of a life not getting banged out. Because I think it may be the only solution for your piece is to make you look like a Ken doll. It's what it is. Yeah. I mean, talk, that's like being in the pro. They're all in the program on steroids.

in the program, yeah. I mean, and up close, oh, yeah, you know what, we're going to tell you all about answer this commercial break right after this from quince or whatever other bullshit company sponsoring us. Because you might think you have a solid handle on your budget, but you don't. You know what you need? Rocket money. Ooh. Yes, Rocket money because your spreadsheet says you should have an extra thousand dollars left over each month, but where the hell is it? Rocket money's going to find it. I use Rocket money. Me too. Be honest with you, I just use it. It tells you when subscriptions have gone up, it cancels subscriptions that you didn't know you were still paying for. Let's say you sign up for the free subscription because you wanted to just

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and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. ants um when you look they are squeaks but when you do like a really close up they are disgusting looking they're disgusting looking and their strength even the smallest ones like the carpenter ants their strength if you know you know they say pound for pound mayweather is like the strongest fighter even though he's a squeak yeah pound for pound ants probably could be the strongest living thing on the animal really they're like firefighters in new york they could carry their body weight plus like a hundred they're big guy so these guys would do good in ladder

14. So they, so they, oh, I see what you're saying. If you, like, they'd be stronger than like chimpanzees and everything. Yeah. I mean, not even close. Like if we were down, if we were their size, we'd be a big, big troub trouble. Big trouble. I think there's a stat if you put all the ants or might just be insects in general. If you put all the insects on a scale and all the humans on a scale, the insects will weigh more. Yeah. Then humans. That means there's a lot of insects. I mean, there's ants on the floor right now that we can't even see, right? Yeah. I mean, have you ever put like a little piece of peanut butter in your butt and let them just walk walk up there. 100%. It tickles and it feels nice.

They think it's a colony and they burry in there. Burry in there. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I got to be honest with you, I don't mind ants. I don't even mind roaches. I don't care. It's mice and rats I don't like. Yeah. Well, you know, here's the thing about the Northeast and I'm just sorry to all the Austin Comics. I'm sorry to L.A. comics. I'm sorry to whatever your situation is that you're running from home from if you're from New York. But the Northeast is just kind of the best place to live. First of all, just like you see all these weather patterns and

the places, they look a little suspicious, they look a little bad. We don't deal with that as much. We're having some milder winners, of course. But we really only have to worry about one thing that can hurt you, and that's tics. But when you go to, like, Texas or the Southwest, or you go to California, where you're talking rattlesnakes, you're talking fucking tarantulas, you're talking, brown recluses, black widows, you know, you go to Australia. You know, you go to the desert, you're talking Muslims can hurt you. You know, they're just too many. Ways on seeing.

Taney here, yeah. You know, it's like you go to South America. They got ants that red fire ants We just got like these little squeak ants They don't do nothing They don't do anything In your kitchen to eat cramps That's all they do

Yeah The most dangerous thing to us In the northeast And that's why the northeast Is the best place to live The thing The animal that kills the most humans You know what it is?

Venezuelans Lad of 14 God's sorry It's a good guess Yeah I mean the kid took a guess Yeah You can't

You can't You can't You can't blame a guy For taking a stab Yeah And what is it It's what is It's what is

It's actually deer. It's actually deer. Car's hitting deer. That's the animal that causes the moat death. We don't got to worry. Black bears are pretty, try to stay away from humans. We don't have any wolves anymore, no gray wolves. Coyotes generally don't want any static. And so it's, number one is deer hitting your car, and number two is ticks. But ticks don't kill you. They just fuck your life up. They fuck your life up. I didn't realize that, that we don't have any more gray wolves. in the Northeast, right? How many Great Willows?

We got nothing. When you go to the southeast, I mean, dude, they got, they got, they got, uh, they got cougars. Yeah. One of them killed Joe Rogan's dog. Really? Yeah. Mountain line.

They got mountain lines are huge. When did that? His dog, did he always post? No, Marshall's okay. Yeah. I think it was a, like a little dog? No, it was a regular-sized dog. I mean, you see.

Cougars will just kill it. Yeah, well, we, we have, um, we have up here, we got the, uh, what do you call? Not the cougars, but we got the, um, my brain's not working. We have a cat up here that can be vicious and kill your dog. Bobcat? Bobcat. You have bobcats up here, but they rarely do. Yeah.

They avoid humans. And the dog could win, especially if there's two dogs. But if you see a mountain lion, I mean, you're going to need like three, four dogs. Dude, I didn't know, I'm still watching this Revolutionary War documentary. That was a big thing when soldiers would desert in certain parts of the northeast and go through the woods by themselves. They would get eaten by wolves a lot. Yeah. They would get killed by wolves.

Yeah, think about it. Animal deaths was a part of Revolutionary War death, time. You would get eaten by an animal in the middle of the woods. That's crazy to think about because back then they were just flourishing. They were another predator on the planet. They were everywhere. And when you would go foraging, the British or the Americans, you know, relieve the lines of food, they would have to eat the desperate winters.

If there were no deer, they would just eat the wolves. Yeah, yeah. It's crazy to think about it. So we don't have to worry about all this stuff because there are a few couple dangerous species of ants. Like the red ants, if they get a whole, old to you, then they're just going to climb all over you. It's just what it is. And they usually get people when you're sleeping, right?

Yeah, they just climb on you. They'll get, they climb on like dying animals or weak animals. They'll just overwhelm them. They just, they really know how to like crash the border. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, they just overwhelm you with numbers. They overwhelm you. Overwhelming you with numbers.

Yeah. And the thing about red ants is they bite and they hold on so you can't even jump in the water. They'll still stay on you. So once you start to get hit with red ants, you can't get them off you. No, you got a, you got a really. hat them off or you got to put dish soap all over you so they slide off. Really? But there's another type of ad of, I think it's a bullet ant that will also try to overwhelm you

and you can jump into water and they'll fall off. Got it. But with the red ants, you just kind of cooked. Cooked. Now what made you so obsessed with ants? How did you find the ant literature? Well, yeah, I spend my days and my nights when my daughter goes to sleep. Something will catch my attention and then I just go down.

a rabbit hole based on curiosity. It's just what it is. So I saw a video about the parasite queen. Yeah. And I was like, this is one of the wildest things I've ever seen.

And that's what I passed on to you guys. Yeah. That took me down the rabbit hole of ants. And we're going to tell you about the parasite queen right now because it's fucking wild. So they're wild to begin with

because the males fly and their only job is to fuck. They get in the air and they're just looking for pus. It's just what it is. It's all they do. And then they die. Yeah.

And here's the thing. Because I am. Ant-Man. Yeah. Because you're fucking ant-man. Yeah. Paul Rudd. Yeah.

And so these fucking, so it's, they're weird, they're just a weird living thing because the women are born as soldiers, like basically workers with no genitalia. Their whole purpose is to serve and protect the queen. It's what it is. Like good British people. So only the queen has a puss? The only the queen has a fucking push. Because if you're saying the ants are flying around the male ants.

flying around to have sex. If none of the other ants have pusses, well, what do they do? They try to fuck the queen. They're all trying to fuck the queen. But different queens are the one queen. Now, every reproduction cycle has like hundreds or thousands of queens. Most of them don't make it one to three percent, and usually it ends up being one queen survives. The rest of them get eaten by all the shit, you know, in the air, the birds are eating them.

So, and then the queen, because all the queens take flight, right? So they grow wings to fuck. Right. And then the dudes grow wings to meet them in the air and they fuck in the sky because they join the mile high club Because it's like Avatar

Yeah they fuck in the sky Which I did you know that The ants fuck in the sky? How I mean But to the sky to them Is that like not Is that like by our shoes Or do they go up way high?

No I think it's more like Yeah I think it's by your shoes Yeah Yeah I think it's like a little person You know Having a party in a shoe box Yeah it's just what it is It could be a club

Yeah Yeah So the male ants Will fly in the sky and they get picked off. Tons of them get picked off, eaten by birds and other shit. Sure. And then the queen's takes this guy.

And too lucky Romeo and Juliet's fine. And I just love that they fuck while they're flying. Yeah. I mean, they just fuck while they're flying. And then the queen falls back to her colony. She chews her wings off because she's like, I don't need those anymore. And then she just gives birth to all these different, this is the thing, all these different larva and shit.

But they're different types ants. So she'll give birth to some queens She'll give birth to some To some what they call drones Okay Because the males are called drones What it is And then give bunch to like millions

Or hundreds of thousands Of genderless women But they're women So how long is the gestation period? I don't know Yeah I don't know I'm no zoologist

But I don't know I think it's months And then they have to protect the colony So they have to protect the colony Against other rival ant colonies And then it's just straight Empire building and warfare, and then you got these fucking evolution,

has these parasite. So these queen ants give birth to all this, a variety of different types of ants. Okay. And one of them, occasionally, is this fucking parasite queen. Wow. Now, this is like the couch potato, kind of like the troll insect.

Lazy, just looking to steal, you know. It's kind of like the smiley queen. It's what it is. Just looking to board somebody. else's ship and take over. Right. So the Parasite Queen will come in to another colony

and ants recognize each other by scent. They can smell which is wild because it got tiny little noses. But everything's by scent. They're like blind. They don't know what's going on. So you could trick them just by smelling like something else. Yeah. So what she'll try to do is rub against some of the other ants before they attack her.

Usually they'll get killed. Yeah. Usually the soldier ants, the worker ants, will identify the threat and beat the shit out of her and eat her up, rip her arms apart. Yeah. But occasionally one of these fucking parasite queens will come into the colony,

successfully rub against these other fucking ants, get the smell on them, right? And just go undetected through the colony, just like that. You know, just undetected, go right to the queen and then fucking vomit on her and throw like a spray on her that makes the,

Soldier aunts think that their mother is actually the invader and that she is the mother. She's a real gold-digging fucking whore. Damn. This is an Instagram thought that'll ruin your fucking life. Yeah. It's like that, have you heard that new song? Hands off, Gabriella.

No. Have you heard that song? No. Hands off Gabriella. My daughter doesn't have a playlist yet. She doesn't have a, okay, yeah. It's just basically this, hold on. Yeah, because it's just one of those things

where you realize too that even in the human kingdom there are just women like that that just want to take your man yeah and that's what I was thinking about parallels when you think about Hitler for example Hitler was the like perfect parallel he was the perfect parasite amp

he came in took over to the military just be careful the way you talk about Germans Lad of 14 but he took you see a parallel right he came in like a parasite amp brainwashed everybody which is sort of like analogous to the hitting

everyone with the spray and then like had everyone working for them because once because then the soldier ants attack their mother kill their mother yeah and start treating the parasite aunt queen that killed their mother as their mother and she just takes over the colony and then she goes and fucks a dude and just takes over yeah without any of the work so she didn't build the colony she didn't defend the colony she just comes in and takes it over and I think in human nature we have people like that yeah who just come in and cheat their way They cheat their way in or they always want to take what you have. One of them is named Puff Daddy.

That's right. They always want to take somebody else's girl. So in a way, he was just, you know, he was the, what was the car? Parasite Queen. He was the Parasite Queen in a way because he just wants to get his hands on everybody else's things. Now, ants are also fascinating because they have that strength and they build. They know how to build and they know how to use their energy efficiently. Because they're the Mexicans of insects.

They can build you anything, man. They sometimes they will build a bridge in a river to let the queen cross. So everything is for the queen. They're not doing every, nothing is. So in other words, they're not, they're not self-motivated by furthering themselves. They work for the queen. Right. And that's what I found so fascinating about them because you always find as a human you're at the most at peace

when you're in service of something specific. Yes. You know, when you widen your, when you widen your range, right? Like, you're almost like wasting a lot of energy. Yeah. But like the thing I thought about ants is like, when you look at the amazing things they get done, it's because they're like singularly focused. I mean, these things are like robots.

They don't worry. They're not doing podcasts and stand up and trying to act and on TikTok. Right. They're just serving their queen as I'm serving Jesus. Yeah. And that's just their singular focus. Yeah. So they'll do anything like if the queen needs to cross the water bridge, they'll build an ant bridge.

And a bunch of them will just sacrifice themselves. It's what it is. And the queen will just walk across the bodies. of other ants. Yeah. And a lot of them will perish. But it's all, their whole focus is about propagation, ensuring the survival of the colony and making us, ensuring that we go forward.

Now, do you think that the queen aunt, how long does she live? She just must have some really sweet puts. That's what I was thinking. That's all I'm saying. That's what I was thinking I was actually trying to think about getting on Instagram to DM this aunt. I think this aunt really got, I mean, it must smell like honeydew. I mean, it must be unbelievable.

It must be tight. I would love to ask one of these soldiers. It's like, does she a Fumade? Yeah, what's going on? The answer's got to be no. I think absolutely no Fumara. I mean, you're making your body a bridge for this girl? Yeah, what's up with her?

I mean, what kind of push? Will she go with me? Yeah, I mean, can I call it, have a go with me? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, she must have such an unbelievable bus. Yeah. It's hard to imagine. Maybe we can get D-Bow down there and start talking and see what's going on.

It's the only way. It's the only way is we've got to send the squeak in. Yeah, we got us get the squeak in. That's the only way if you want to infiltrate. that's why it's always good to have a squeak on your team It's what it is Now we at some point Maybe this episode

Or another one We should face time D-Boh and just catch up with them Yeah Oh boy you also got another squeak in your pocket Steve Chikoni Reisorone Yeah you got teeny stevie

Tini Stevie comes with a camera He comes with a camera So he can go in there Really infiltrate and know what's going on Yeah it's just what it is In the air community Yeah when you sent When you sent me that AI nanotechnology

I think it was like a little camera Inside someone's a sophic I thought that was Steve to squeak And I texted him and said You're supposed to be on my show Yeah, I mean, they're creating these nanorobots now that can just go into your arteries and, like, clear it out. So that's good science. You know what's something I was reading about the other day with AI was saying there's a lot of things that science can do right now that they won't do because it could potentially, even if it's a 1% or less chance, they won't do it because it could potentially cause catastrophic, cataclysmic events.

For example, they already, science has already gone to the point where they believe they can change the climate. They just can. However, they don't know if they start experimenting with this, what it will actually do. Will it cause irreversible weather patterns that will wipe out and kill millions of people so science doesn't do it? AI, they have these same risks of, there's over a 1% chance that it can really damage society, but the people are still going forward and doing it. So this is why you have a lot of AI scientists saying you're not applying our basic rules. to this. We have so many other things that absolutely we have that they can make another human right now if they wanted to, but they know that it could have potential catastrophic events, but AI, they're just allowing to happen. So it's very interesting as to why. That's a great point.

That's a lot of, that's a truth that I think, yeah, that's a great point. That is true. They can clone. They can do all that. They can do all that stuff, but they wonder about. They also have flying cars. They can do flying cars, but they can't keep it safe right now and they know that a lot of people would die. Yeah. So they won't do it, but they can do it. If you want, If Elon Musk said to himself, I, Elon Musk, I'm just making one flying car. It can happen in an hour. Well, they would have to figure out what the driving test would be and how intricate it would need to be for women in Chinese people.

That's what it is. Because they don't want accidents happen. 100%. You can't have a woman flying in the car. Or Indian guys in Canada driving trucks. You just can't do it. Yeah. Unfortunately.

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If you have questions or concerned about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. That's going to be. So that's what it is, but it's interesting with AI because, I mean, everything you're listening to now with the AI is the negatives, but I like to hear some of the positives where, you know, yeah, it's, you can get a camera in my ass, You can clean out the plaque. You can clean out a couple of polyps, a couple of warts. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah. You can get my piece clean that out. Yeah. You can maybe give me a haircut. You could do a lot of different things. And the only thing that is standing in the way of that is this arms race. Yeah.

That's why they're moving forward. It's because they don't want the enemies to have it first. Right. So everyone's in this arms race. But so then somebody eventually, though, was going to get the power and someone's going to win. And if it's not us, you're just got a big problem on your hands because the chances of, even if we had the power, the chances of humans doing the right thing with it is very low. Right.

The only thing you can hope for is a detente based on mutually assured destruction similar or akin to nuclear weapons. Everyone, oh, we got it, you got it. Let's not fuck around. Well, the AI, they were saying the AI also has the capacity. If they do truly make it autonomous, it could have this reverse effect where even if they put it in, even if they put it out there to help humans, it could, the first thing it could do is disable all the nuclear weapons if it was truly autonomous.

And then that would cause more war. Yeah, yeah, which is what they claim alien technology has been doing is turning on and turning off the nukes. That's what they say. Could just be AI. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. And I do think, you know, especially those of us that have children, we've said it here on the pot. I mean, I just think our kids should all be either plumbers or a little carpenter ants because it's not going to, I don't know, all these jobs are just going to be obsolete in 20 years.

Yeah. I mean, when you have kids, it just kind of breaks your brain. Yeah. Because you love something so much. You just want them to be okay. Yeah. And you hear all this stuff in the news. That's why I can't really relate to anyone who doesn't have children.

Yeah, and I'm not coming down on anyone who doesn't. But it's like I got not yelled at today, but I got emailed today to go do something, basically co-host a morning New York, you know, like morning show. Like a news show, like, oh, look, I'm co-anchors. And I said, oh, I can't do it because the times they want me to do it. It's like, then I can't take my kids to school. And because people are just so embedded in the entertainment show, they're like, just miss one day. and I'm like, no, I don't want to actually just miss one day so I could just sit on your show.

I'd rather just take my kids to school. Yeah, I got an audition that was supposed to do this weekend, and it films in Hawaii. So right away, I was like, I don't do it. I'm not going to do this. For me, I've made it clear if it doesn't film in New York, I'm just, I'm out. I mean, I'm not doing that.

No, I don't care. Go to Hawaii for what? Yeah, for $750 an episode? Yeah, no, thanks. Some show that is not going to go. I mean, what are we talking about? Is it, Hawaii? I don't, I don't, yeah, let's do it.

Yeah, do the audition for me. Yeah, let me just do it. Yeah, I want you to do the audition. Let's do the audition. Yeah, it's just what it is because I'm in a fight with my wife anyway over electrical outlets. She wants the white ones. I want the black ones. So I just might as well do the audition because I'm probably going to have to move to Hawaii.

Let's fight. At the end of the day, you just let them win, right? Is that what the, is that how we survive? Do you just kind of just let them win? You kind of have to. Because I just don't want to fight about outlets. Yeah, you just, yeah, they kind of. But it's also the black ones are nice.

and it's more newer and chic. Yeah, they're, there's something in them that they always are at war. We talked about that. I don't know what that is. Right. It must be some maternal instinct or something. Like, they're always at war.

They want to start wars. It's just what it is. Yeah, with repairmen, with neighbor. Yeah, whatever. Yeah. Whatever it is. Housekeepers, people driving too fast past your house. They're like always with their husbands.

Yeah. Right? It's like, we went to this thing last night and it was cold outside. we had to be outside at this event for the kids. And I was putting my kid in, I was putting my child in the car seat in the car. And I go, okay, I mentioned the hat. And she just goes, she didn't ever fucking hat on? And I was like, calm down.

Yeah. She dropped it. Yeah. She dropped it. I'm not the enemy. I'm also her father. I don't want her to be cold. Yeah.

Why are you accusing me immediately of letting her be cold? Right. Like, that's the first instinct that came out of you is that I let her not have her hat on. Yeah. And that's all you care about. Yeah. Do I matter? It's just what it is.

I just feel like a fucking worker aunt. A lot of, well, you are. A lot of times, if my kids ask me anything, I'm like, just ask your mom. Yeah. I don't know. Just ask you. I'm like, one of the kids. I'm like, you got to ask mom.

I don't know what your dental schedule is. Yeah, same. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Just ask Bob to do it. Yeah. So this, it's called, the scene takes place in a Hawaii police station. Okay.

And I am. So do I have one of those lays on? Artis. Oh, cool. You look like them. Yeah. I'm Detective Ortiz. So you're Detective Ortiz.

Yeah. And I go, I go, find who? Danny Burkett? Yeah. Bob Ortiz? D.E.A. operations division. Yeah. Thank you, Lieutenant.

Though we had an agreement, Kyle. Yeah. But doesn't seem to be the case. I was told that case is closed. The killer was found dead. Whoa. Oh, is this NCIS Hawaii? I don't fucking know what I don't care.

Yeah. So, yeah, I'm the captain. I'm eating pineapple. Yeah. You want me to send it to you and we do the scene? Yeah. Yeah, let's do the scene. Yeah, we're going to do this.

It's highly illegal what we're doing. It is, right? Yeah, but who cares? Yeah, we're actually not supposed to be doing this, right? Yeah, but it doesn't matter. Here it goes. Okay, here we go. Wait, are we going to get sued for this?

No, we're not going to get sued. Okay, so you're Detective Ortiz. All right, I'm Turner. Yeah. I should have brought him in. Thought I could press him. Get him to give me something. We'll find him.

Find who? Danny Marquette jumped on the first flight available out of Oahu, Bob. Actually, you're the agent helicopter. Bob Art.T. DEA. Operation Division. You got more.

Yeah. You have room agent Turner and I can speak privately. All yours. Thank you, Lieutenant. This is it. Don't we have an agreement, Kyle? To stay at a.

Ray Burkett's operation. I'll try a different thing. So in agreement, Kyle. Yeah, but doesn't seem to be the case. You put Ray on the family plan, Bob? Because I'm not touching this business. I'm investigating his son's murder. And Danny Burkart is a suspect.

I was told that case is closed. The killer was found dead. Hell of a deal, you and Ray made. He's not only untouchable, but also gets to decide, to decide. decide who's guilty and who's not. It's his son, Kyle. He's satisfied.

Well, I'm not. I've also got two other bodies and a dead cop. Listen to me, you goddamn fucking white trash. Those aren't your cases. Your job was to work the Michael Burnett murder. That's over. Hawaii PD will handle any other possible open investigations so you can head back to the mainland, Bucco.

I'm a little fuzzy from Danny Burkhardt hitting me in the head with a pipe. But I'm pretty sure I don't work for the DEA, Bob, which means I get to side when my case is closed. You're a good agent, Kyle? And I'm trying to help you. This is coming from way up the food chain. So don't risk your career. You got me?

Trying to punch above your weight class. It won't end well. What makes Ray so valuable? The information he passes on to you or the information he has go home Kyle go home wherever that is I got to go eat a pig yeah so it's that's what it is so this podcast is just better than that shit it's just better than that shit it's just what it is who wants to watch that fucking scene I don't know what they're talking about but I was bored I was bored with it yeah the only way to make it good is to make fun of it on this podcast that's the

only way to do it now whatever Hawaiian show that is I got to think it's Hawaii 5.0 which Bob has been in. Yeah, he's been on that show. Now, what are you going to do if you get it? Are you going to go to Hawaii? I didn't do the audition. Yeah, that's what I've been doing. Don't do it.

Is I just been saying, not, I've been saying, oh, yeah, I'll get that right to you, and then I don't do it. Yeah. So is that, is it, is it that we just generally don't want to do it? We genuinely don't want to do it. Or are we sabotaging? Let's be honest. Well, I'll tell you a story, right?

You tell me. Remember when Theo Vaughan walked off of a movie set? Sure. And everyone in the industry was going, holy shit, his career's over. He walked off a movie set. And then he became Theo Vaughn. And then... He wasn't as big as he was.

Is his career over? It's... No, it's not. 20 years ago, would his career have been over? Yes. Yeah, but is his career over now? No, it's a lot bigger. It's a lot...

I'll open it for him this weekend. It's a lot, a lot bigger. Yeah. So you tell me. Yeah. Yeah, it's true. It's just something that I understand that causes a lot of people, a lot of anxiety. Yeah.

Who depend on you getting this role. And I don't even know if they depend on you getting this role right now, because how much would I get paid? to be fucking Dr. Ortiz. Does this tell you in the body of the email? Usually they give you some info. Let's take a peek. Let's just take a peek.

How much trouble I'm going to get in for this? Well, the answer is not a lot because the power, the beauty of the internet is it just comes and goes. So they'll get mad for a few minutes and nobody cares. So his name's Bob Ortiz, but this is open ethnicity. Right. He works with the DEA operations division on one of the islands. So I'm definitely a prime candidate for this. he's been doing the job for many years

and his finger is on the criminal pulse It's just what it is Of the island Living in the gray and between law and order This is a guest starring role And there is no money in the guest starring role There is no money mentioned Just shooting dates of February

I mean are you kidding me February to June In Hawaii In Hawaii it's not going to happen It's not going to happen Because then you can have to cancel your Bakersfield California date again I got to go to Bakersfield.

I mean, what am I going to do? Who would do that for a guest starring role that many months in the life? Well, the thing is, though, there are a lot of people who would do it, but they may not have families. Like, your circumstance is different. You've got a wife and kids that you want to be a part of their life. And also other income. That's what it is. Yeah, that's what it is.

If you didn't have this going on, if you weren't doing stand-up and pods, you probably would have, what else are you going to do? Yeah, I would take a nail at it, and I wouldn't be a happy camper. Now, I imagine right now it's not a great time to just be an actor. I would think that it's a tough time for that. No, because can we pull up that AI actress she sent? I just because she's so... The AI actress that Yannis sent here is this new AI actress that's going to be in a movie

and the creator said, I didn't want to make her look perfect and so beautiful. And this is one of the hottest women I've ever seen and I go pewing every time I see her. So this isn't it. This is a child drawing, Jesse, and this is the wrong time to get hard. Yeah.

There's Yonis throwing hands. Let me ask you this question. No, it's down a little bit, Jess. It was because it was from today. It was from this morning. Have you also ever done like a full production like that that was actually not like a little tedious having to sit around all day and do all this stuff? No, you always...

The only things I've ever enjoyed is stuff that I did that actually had fun doing because we could just shoot it right away. Could you imagine us trying to pitch this idea of a show to the industry? They would have stopped it at the name, history hyenas. Oh, yeah. They would have just made us change the name. I don't even understand the name. The acronym's a little weird.

And we're like, that's unintentional. Yeah. We didn't think of that. That's what it is. Yeah, we just like hyenas and we like history. Yeah, at least we're not making it a promo code. Like, what company makes it a promo code? One of them.

Yeah. H.H. Yeah. Someone did slash H.H. Yeah. Yeah. They didn't think that throw. Yeah.

It's just what it is. Yeah. So this is a full AI actress. This happens to my Instagram sometimes, too. I go to click on it and, oh, here it is. I mean, look at her. They said she's not too beautiful but pretty. I disagree.

I disagree as well. Yeah. I mean, she's as beautiful as beautiful can be. I mean, Nick, you would go to town on that. right and this is the woman that created her yeah who's also pretty i mean i just it's so funny how women just want to take jobs from women well you know what's crazy though because because we look at and our minds are blown and they think it's and listen i know it will get to the point where it's indistinguishable but my daughter i was watching this right with jazz and my daughter didn't know

that this was a i she wasn't but she looked my daughter right away at 10 years old was like oh that woman she's a i really she knew it right away the kids know yeah so but here's the thing. This just came out. Right. Like it just, if you look at Groch's animation from a year ago, right. And now the animation in a year's time, in 12 months, how they have advanced it, this is like the first incarnation of it. Right. That's what I'm saying. So it's going to get to a point where it's absolutely indistinguishable. All right. So they... This is almost indistinguishable. Well, I think what this woman had a nice point to, she's the creator of it. She said she thinks it'll be three categories.

There'll be human actors and actresses that will still exist. There'll be anime, which there is right now, and then there'll be an AI category. 100%. Like AI categories will win Oscars. Yeah. Right? I think you're right. And I think...

That's fine, though. That only leads, in my mind, to one potential conclusion is that I think live plays will people will get a taste for that again. I want to do a one-man show. What do you think? You want to do a one-man show? What are you going to call it? I want to do a one-man show with you, so it's two-man, but we'll call it a one-man show.

Me and you will get in a pony suit together. How about Chris DeStefno versus the black and white cookie? That's what it is. That could be a good one. DiStefano versus dessert. Or in the program, Chris DeStefano. In the program, Chris DeStefano. In the program, Colin, Christa Stefano.

Yeah, I want to do a one-man show big because I just am looking for ways to stay in Nueva. Yeah. Or I can do a one-man show called Yannis Pappas. I'm talking, but nobody's listening. It's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I just, I mean, this girl's got beautiful eyebrows, beautiful teeth.

And the thing about AI is they have no fumes. That's the thing about them. When the robots come out, you know you're going to be able to tailor the fume that you want. Right. And I'm going straight to nectarine with a little mix of cantaloupe. It's just what is. And some guys like a little fumate and they're going to, there'll be a button for that. Yeah, there'll be a button for that.

It'll be called over 50 and a little more perverted. Yeah, it's because there's something about when you get older where you like a nice little tang. You like a little kick. What it is. You like a little kick. Like, you know how you get, even with your taste buds as you get older, you want a little spice? Yeah. Because it's been matted down by so many years of your taste buds being assaulted that you need

at a little extra hot sauce. when you get a little older, you want a little kick. There was one of our friends at the dinner the other day was telling us about how his neighbor, who was like in his early 60s had sex with a homeless woman in Philadelphia last weekend. So that's just what it is. So guys just start to do that. He went down to Philly and he had sex with a homeless woman.

And he paid her and he was a prostitution thing, but she was a homeless woman living on the streets of Philadelphia. And he banged her out. And he has no regrets. No regrets. Yeah. And it's just what it is. Now, Jesse, do you like a little kick?

Nick and Jesse, you guys like a little kick. It's getting a little more appealing. I got to be honest. It is right. as you get older. Just a little bit, like a little imperfection. Yeah. Right, right, right. Because you're horned up. Just like a little, oh, you want a little head, like Fat Joe lean back where you first take the, you just, whoa. Yeah, yeah. Nick, what do you like? Do you like a little kick?

I like it a little bit, yeah. Yeah. From now when he's Nick the kick. He's Nick the kick. Nick likes a little kick. Nick likes a spicy meat the ball. By the way, speaking of spicy meatballs, you know what movie I watched this weekend that I haven't seen in so long? the mask with Jim Carrey he's so unbelievable in that and what I've noticed is my kids without even choosing

it stay focused and watch the movies from the 90s Ace Ventura the Mask these Jim Carrey they watch them and are paid attention to these movies for so much longer than all the new movies maybe they're the generation after Z right maybe they'll come back

to more long form they like it maybe they will be the ones who come back to more long form my daughter told me that YouTube shorts gives her a headache because it's too much rapid fire. I also think AI, with the help of AI, it's going to help these kids that are raised with it. It'll help them kind of understand the world at the speed. Because it's obvious that our nervous systems have not kept up with technological innovation. No. So the technology is ahead, but our nervous system hasn't caught up. Sure. That could be the generation, like the first generation that starts adapting and

catches up. And we could be heading into a very, very, very honest future when it comes to entertainment, friendship, everything like that, because AI can assist you to discern who you're dealing with. You tell AI, like, I have this friend, this is what they're doing, and the AI will just go, you know, covert narcissist, blah, blah, blah, da-da-da-da, childhood wounds, being masked by this. And you go, oh, that's that. But you got to be careful with the AI and you have to specifically tell it to not just tell you what you want to hear. Yeah, that's why. It is a little bit of bias. Yeah, you can always go, give me the non-politically

correct, truthful answer. There's ways to prompt it. Don't be biased. Like, really, it can tell you things that are like, you're like, ooh, sometimes they cut. Yeah, like, tell me about me. Tell me what I don't want to hear. Yeah, and then it will do that. Well, and it's reversing now, too, because I went to a party last night, and

they specifically told, and they told us this in the invitation that they will be a person that had those yonder bags. You're putting your phones in the bag when you come into the party because of just, want you to socialize. Yeah. And you really do when it's not on you. Now, granted, I was with my family. So I had my kids and people near me. I probably would have had a little bit more anxiety if I was like,

I don't have a way if my family has an emergency, they can't get in touch with me, right? But that's really your brain just manipulating you saying you need the phone. But when I was with them, you're very at peace without it. And I think more people are starting to understand that. I think more people, because it used to be just five years ago, that same party would be like scan this QR code and it's Snapchat filters and all that. And now it's reverse. Now it's get the phone away. Yeah, but I think the phone is going to be an archaic version of what's coming. You think it's just going to be implanted?

Yeah, I mean, it's just the technology, there's never a rebellion against the technology. I mean, it always just, there's a symbiotic relationship that develops eventually. And we're just a generation that can't handle it. Right. Like, it's too strong for us. We grew up without it. And then you have the Gen Z who grew up on it, but they're the first generation that's just getting confused by it. And then I think the generation afterwards may be the ones who are able to pull.

pull back and kind of deal with it the right way and then take it wherever it's going to be because the internet's not just going to be on your phone, they're going to fucking implant you got to resist it. We're going to become cyborg or not resist it. You have to coexist with it. It's not going away. Right. And it's too convenient and it helps too much and in too many capacities for people to outright reject it. You have to figure out a way how to filter out the bad. Healthily, filter out the bad and deal with it. Just like on the internet, it's most, a lot of pros and then there's some cons. You do have your child trafficking and you do have here, all this other stuff, but you also do get your news, you do, you know, we're able to

learn so much more, faster. Right. So it's just one of those things that I think people eventually will adapt to. I do think, I do think, if you think about it, I think authenticity will become more of a currency because it'll just be so much harder to pull the wool over anyone's eye. Sure. Because with the assistance of AI and their analysis and the just sheer exposure that people get now, they're going to be able to locate, you know, to pinpoint like just fraudulent personalities and and scams and things are a lot easier. A lot easier.

I think that's, I think that is without a doubt. 100% because. Because this was an era where you see like a lot of people learn the ways of marketing firms. Yeah. And then now I think the people are backlashing on that going like, oh, wait a minute. They're just doing a lot of way to see it. Yeah, like with the now, now I used to be like when everybody would post something on Instagram and be like,

oh, if you want to get this book, comment the word book or whatever. Right. Now I look at that and I'm like, I'll actually unfollow you now for that. Yeah, and the kids are starting to go to know that. They're going to look at a guy like Jake Paul. They're going to understand that this was like a gaslight. Right. Like it was an internet era like kick and box. Kids got one punch, but, you know, he handpicked his opponents to be smaller or older

and marketed it a certain way. So do you think he told Joshua to hold back a little bit? No, no. I think he ran. I think he ran and he grabbed his legs. I think he was fighting a fighter who's been out of the ring. Joshua broke his jaw. For 15 months. And he broke his jaw in two places. It's just what it is.

So it was like reality coming down. Right. So it was like it's one of those things we see it in comedy. I mean, no offense to anyone. I love the internet. I think it's the greatest thing. But you know, there's just a lot of career features out there who, you know, live. You're like, that's a feature.

Right. Who's just like or selling out. a lot of these gimmick comedians who are selling out, and that's great. That's all great because they've been consumed in one-minute bits, but it has nothing to do with the pro-ranks, like for live stand-up. The comedians know the pro-ranks, just like the boxers know the pro-ranks. So a boxer watches Jake Paul and goes, that's not that impressive. He's got a little power in one hand, but he's drying people out or he's fighting

smaller guys, or he's doing all the things that a lot of internet personalities do to hide the reality of the situation. And I think the younger generations, you're just going to be like, look for the catch more and go now that's bullshit now that's bullshit some real stuff yeah they're going to be able to figure it out

now because is this a YouTube episode or is this a Patreon how did you feel we will decide well because we got it we wanted to do because it's the end of the year for the lists we're going to do

for this list we're going to do the PPW list the actual Super Bowl winner of who is the name of the year and we actually went all the way back to the beginning from when we started this podcast when we brought it back November 5th

Yeah. No, November 5th, 2024, all the way through every week of 2025. And we have the list of all the PPWs. I'm excited. So do you want to do it now? Let's do it now. And then we can either leave it on this episode or copy it's what it is. So it's either going to be right here now where you heard it on YouTube or it's patreon.com slash history aina's. We don't know. We don't know. But this is the list. This is kind of a big moment. Now, this is going to be really difficult. This may take some time to shift do because this is every name that I'm about to read was an actual winner. Yeah. And then next week's episode is the walked into one list.

You don't want to miss that one. So that one will 100% be on Patreon. There's no debate about that. That has to be only at patreon.com slash history hyenas because it is the names that were so bad that we had to make it, we couldn't even say them publicly. Yeah, that decision's been made before it even was asked. That was made by the United States government. That is made by the legal system.

Okay, so here it is. So here are the names from the every winner from week one till now. Here we go. So starting off, the Vatican's daycare would not return me to my mom. Fumariana Grande. This is going to be impossible. Well, but we're going to have to just listen. This is going to be impossible.

So you're going to have to tell me on the list. Yeah. So I don't know how to do this. I don't know if it's, do we just read them? Fuck. I didn't even think about how hard. You actually mentioned it. Yeah.

I didn't even think about that. it over, it's a lot of good. So why don't we do that? I mean, if you start with that one. Yeah. So why don't we do? Why don't we, it only gets to make the list if it gets a collective laugh from the four of us because let's go back to, as the Stoics said, you never step in the same river twice. Right. So we're stepping back in the river, but it's a different river. So under different circumstances, under different guises, we may not, it may not hit us as hard as it did when we first read it. Okay. So if it's still garnishes a laugh from us now, out loud the four of us, it's got to make the list.

Let's get to the finals. I just want you to say, I'm no scientist. I don't know what I'm talking about, but I know 100% for a fact, this is going to be as hard as string theory. That's how hard this is going to be. Yeah, this is Fibonacci right now. This is Fibonacci right now.

This is going to be nearly impossible. Okay. So the Vatican's daycare were not returning to my mom. Fumariana Grande, the virgin Fumari. I think we can Drexler Fumariana Grande. Because, and now listen, the reason why it's on because this was the first time we had heard. People have copied it. Okay. Right. But just when it goes up against the one before, it's the definite. So you know that one's out. Yep. The Virgin Fumari.

We're going to directs for that. We know that one's out. Yeah, we can also say we know some are out, even though they won. Yes. Jewish tunnel tour guide. That one's got to stick around for it. That's got to stick around. Yeah. The diarrhea of Anne Franks and beats. We got to keep that around. We got just keep it around. Jesus Christ. Yep. Then we got squeak slingshot. That's so good. though. But I think people are on the fence. We're going to Drexler? What do you think? Yeah, Drexler. That's yeah. Barak is a queen

because he sucks on Big Mike's Pien Latifold team. Contender! It's just what it is. Still in the race. Quiefer Sutherland. We're going to Drexler that because the Patreon members did say that that was a copy from someplace. Got it. But it is very funny. Yeah, Drexler. Benjamin, nothing on you?

We're going to Drexler. Okay. My big fat Greek ass pussy. So that one has to stay. Got to stay. Get some left. And Nick actually hasn't heard all these because Nick came on later, right? Yeah, yeah. This one I think is going to stay because it's a classic one. We still talk about it. Greg Lou Danes. We're going to keep that around. Yeah. If you don't know the swimmer, Greg Luganis, he was a gay kid who hit his head on the diving board. But he was a very famous Olympian. And I believe he did have HIV. He did have HIV. Did I have HIV. Or Somalians called the diving board the plank. They called the plague. If you were a gay guy in the 80s or 90s, I mean, HIV.

was just synonymous with being gay. There's another way you could refer to a gay guy. Frozen grapes in my ass, then walk around shit like a deer. Ender! What it is? Shit and like a deer. Make no mistake, I'm dating a 4'11 Latina and fully expect to wake up with my piece cutoff, but it's okay. We're going to Drexler it.

Okay? Uncle Touchy's puzzle basement. Good one, we're going to Drexleret. Yeah, because I think that one also was from, I believe, the Ard Garbage Patriot. Something, it was also fair. Oh, I think it was a Peyton Oswald bit. That's what it was. Yeah, good memory, Yanni.

Then we got Yanni sees tits like a Venn diagram. We're going to keep that one. Yep, because the eyes are very close together. We're going to keep that. Then we got no D's piece, so I decided to cut it off and just have a crease. It's what it is. Really good. Got to go, though, right?

If it's really good, we got a drag straight. Unfortunately, if it's not a hell no, if it's not a hell yes, it's a no. We got to go. That's the rules we have to do. My trans cock has surprised more Italians and Mount Vesuvius. We're keeping that in. We got, this is hard. I'm telling you, this is Charlie.

to do a top five basketball players of all time. It's very fucking... Very hard. And there will be a lot of people in the comments who disagree with us, but you have to understand the position that we're in. You have to understand the difficulty. Yeah. The degree of difficulty.

I live in that awkward space between Yanni's eyes. We're going to direct because the other one's better. The bend diagram is better. Rekindling with my wife after Donny T. Sends my gumad back to the DR. We're going to keep that. Yeah, it's just what it is. Because that just feels like a guy's telling the truth.

Yeah, that's just funny. Yeah. So he's kind of like, you know, he doesn't hate the idea of it. Yeah. He's kind of made peace with it. Yeah. He found the solution to his problem. Yeah, it's just what it is.

So we got Rock Hard from Blue Chew. I have to think of my wife's sister to glue glue. My dad's a juju, but my mom is not. Few, few. We got to keep it. What are you going to do? Wife thinks I take pole because Yanni makes me witch hazel my hole. We can directs to that.

Because the Yanni ones, we do feel that. The strongest Yanni one is Yanni sees tits like a vendire. And that's also very inside baseball with the witch hazel. It's nice. Very inside baseball. Nate Bar-Nazi? We got to keep it. Okay.

We're going to keep it because it's fun when someone actually gets it right. Yeah. And we got Akash Singh better laugh and agree or Schultz is getting a new H-1B. I mean, pull out, pull out. I'm talking about I don't want a fucking pull-chain cannon. I want a solar-powered. Double barrel, fucking catapult. It's just what it is.

Throw that one over the wall. Okay, so that one's a big contender. Then we got, make no mistake, if the boys lived in 1940s, Germany. Chrissy D would definitely dime out Yanni P to a sharp dress goose stepper. F. F. I don't think it makes the list. I think it's great, but it's just, this is a different thing.

It's a different thing. We're talking Hall of Famers. It's obviously excellent. You know, but you're not first ballot. Michael Rockefeller's Barbecued penis. That's because he was eaten by cannibals in the New Guinea. Yeah, and we did this show, and we loved it. Yeah.

We're going to Drexleret. Okay. Even though it's very funny. It's what it is. This is, we have to make tough decisions here. This is really tough. This is Sophie's choice. Yeah.

Two knuckles in, and now my pee turned white. We're going to Drexler. Dress for that. Okay. Kasa, Gaza Resort, and Casino jihadi jackpot dealer? We're going to Drexleret. Okay. That should be on the walked into one list.

Yeah. Might vote Democrat because Donny T. took my landscapers. We're going to keep that. Okay. That's a good reason to switch your allegiance. Now, we got Call Me Pest Control, the way I'm bug chasing. We're going to Drexler.

Yeah, because he's looking to get A. I mean, it's good. Call him Pest Control. What do you think? Drexler. Drexler. Okay. The list is too hard.

Sorry, Debo. That was Debo's personal favor. Was it? Yeah. Sorry about that. Unemployed crisis actor? That's a good one. We're going to Drexler.

We're going to Drexler. We're going to check and finger. Drexler it. Yeah. Two things that make Yanni pewing, trans women and cute radiator covers. What do we do? I think that we have to, it is inside baseball. It's from the First Reich, and I do appreciate it. Jesse's dad, Jesse's dad is the one who makes the radiator covers, so, but I don't think it's good enough for this specific list. You know, and also that can be, you know, when you hear one like that, you know, we're talking about a hardcore, serious fan.

So we want to salute you. Someone who remembers when Chris was making, saying that I love radiators. Yeah, so I want to make it clear that we support your long-term belief in the show. And it's just, it's a great name, but we're just doing something different here. Doing something different here. That's all. I yelled ice on the seven train because I wanted to see. Just got to keep it.

You just got to keep it. I'm just not comfortable getting rid of it. Yeah, it's just what it is. I took ayahuasca, but the shaman touched my Titi caca. Now my fumes are interdimensional. We're going to direct slur it. Okay. Yanni's eyes having a border crisis.

It's what it is. Really good. We're going to Drexler. We're going to Drexler. Yeah. Romanian camgirl, aka no fumes through Zooms. We're going to Drexler. Hey. Good one, though.

Hot wheels in my ass, call it the Lincoln Tunnel. Got a laugh from Nick. We're going to have to keep that. Yeah, we got to keep that. He guys put matchbox cars in his ass. He calls his ass and fucking Lincoln Tunnel. I respect it. Muzzy woman forced to dress as a voting booth, but not allowed to vote.

It's too good. It's just a good one. It's just too good. It's just too good. I'm going to keep it around because it's just what it is. It's just too good. Why does Akash Singh always fuck up my order at Dunkin' Donuts? We're going to Drexler.

Because the other Akash one is better, right? We're going to try out of 14. On the runway, but the pilot's a DEI higher. That's an inside one. Probably a walked into one. It's also inside because on the runway is one of our expressions. It means you're close to dying. Right.

It means you're not going to die because the pilot's a DIA. It's very brilliant. Yeah. Salute you. Drexler. Booty and the whole fist. that's a good one we're going to Drexler it Glenn Greenwald's Bunyan

removal service personal favorite the news is kind of come and went yeah and just so the people know Glenn Greenwald what was it he liked to jerk off to women's feet no no he was the journalist that made the video the gay guy who the video was released where

he had a young Brazilian guy and he was licking his feet it's what it is yeah yep do you remember that yep I remember that yeah that was one we didn't have the studio yet and he was doing it in a dress Yeah, it's just what it is. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and his name publicly was Glenn Greenwald.

Privately, it was Yonis Popper. That's right. So then we got, you can lead a horse to water, but you still need a step stool to fuck it. We got to keep it around. We've got to keep it. We've got to laugh from everybody. A. Muzzy kid who likes money, aka Lebanese or Scrooge. Lebanon.

It's so good, but we're going to directs to that. It's not for this list. Dog, this $5 was going to a Cambodian cam model anyway. Might as well learn something. Keep it around Colombian cam model, sorry Yeah, yeah Andrew Cuomo's tit handshake

Very funny, we're gonna Drexler and chicken finger Met a lady boy and told her Don't tuck it, I want to lick tie sweet chili off your chicken McNugget You just can't keep it around I just can't get rid of it Yeah, Jesse's Massad handler We get a Drexer that

Drexer right, okay Yac and Yil cleaned off my grill Cheap labor from across the border We're gonna Drexler it Okay Neck brace aka Jewish Turtleneck That is a known thing

So we have to drag It's not an original one It is funny There were no Leroy's on Epstein's list Because Carnival Cruise didn't stop there Get out the solar power Double barrel catapult It's just what it is

That was a big one That was a big one Hunter Biden's camera lens That adds 10 pounds And a crack pipe We're gonna drags through it What did the Frisbee do to the oven Walked into one

So good But at the lungs on the walked into one list. So that's okay. Yeah. Gluy C.K. says don't look away from the spray. It's really good. We're going to Drexler. It just had respect for his greatness. Used a rib condom on Helen Keller and her pussy started speaking to me.

We're going to keep that around for a second. Yeah. That's just because it is funny to think about it's braille. Yeah. Yeah. It's just too good. I'm fucking crying, dude. So we got shirt and pool, aka Mexican Ozempic. So good. We got to keep it. Got to keep. Okay, but there's all right. I know. This is a problem. It's fine. We knew it was going to be hard.

Accidentally came in her ass, now expecting Leroy's. We're going to walk. Got to get out of there. I can't believe that what got through the goalie. I identify as a U.S. citizen, Rodriguez. Very good. We're going to chicken figure that. Double parked on 3rd Avenue, got a muzzy coupon. That is a classic.

We're going to keep that around. That made it into Lexi's ticket. That made it to LexiCupon. Auzzi coupon is a parking ticket from a parking meter who are mostly Pakistani. Pakistanian in our city. Yeah. I'm a torta pounder. Call me an ice pick.

Really good. We're going to Drex through it. Soping my ass so Chrissy Troubles can blow bubbles. We're going to Drex through it. My side piece is Jewish, so I call her my Jumar. So good. We're going to Drexler it. Okay.

Call me a lesbian pirate and scissor me timbers. We're going to Drex through it. Okay. Conquefidador? Drexler it and Chick-Lert. finger taking leroyd so i finally have the strength to leave my family we are going to keep that around and we're going to get out a catapult for it then we got don't walk josephine through frushing priest we're going to keep that one around it's just what it is okay so here is the this is let me read out

we're going to have to do this i mean we got about 15 or so of them that's made it to the second round god this is like you know moving up it gets harder and harder it's just harder and we're just have to do it. Jewish Tunnel Tour Guide? Let's chicken finger that. Okay. Right? Yeah, I don't think it's holding up.

The diarrhea of Anne Franks and Beans. We're going to directs through that. Okay. Barak is a queen because he sucks on Big Mike's queen. I'm sorry, Barack is a queen because he sucks on Big Mike's peen, Lata 14. You know what to do with that. Got to keep it around. Going to the next round. I don't even have to say that one.

My big fat Greek ass pussy. We're going to chicken finger that. Okay, that's out of here. That's out of your Drexler. Frozen grapes in my ass, then walk around shit and like a deer. You know what to do with that one. Okay, so that one's moved on to the second round. Yanni's, yonni seized hits like a Venn diagram.

Really good. What do you think? Drexler. Drexler. My transcock has surprised more Italians and Mount Vesuvius. That one's got to stay around. Yep. Some I just know.

Rekindling with my wife after Donny T. sends my Kumar back to the D.R. I think that one's got to stick around as well. Okay. That's fine. Rock hard from a blue chew. I have to think of my wife's sister to gluglu. My dad's a juju, but my mom is not. Fewfew.

I get, I mean, you're laughing, right? I feel like it just... I can't take it. Okay. You can't get rid of it. Nate Bar-Nazi? We're going to check and figure that. Okay.

Out of respect for his greatness. Then we got Akash Singh, better laugh and agree or Schultz is getting a new H-1B. I can't get rid of it. Okay, that's fine. Yeah, we can't get rid of it. That's fine. So right now on that first row, we still have one, two, three, four, five, six still. okay um around then we have i yelled ice on the seven train because i wanted a seat good one

we're gonna drexler okay you know keep it i mean this list what do we do i know it's really hard i think what do you think drexler we're not all in agreement it just has to yeah mussy woman forced to dress as a voting booth but not allowed to vote that can't go anywhere okay so that that just can't go anywhere uh hot wheels in my ass call it the lincoln tunnel i hate to do this but we have to drexler this is hard we got to just you know got to trust our intuition on this one. You can lead a horse to water, but you still need a stepstool to fuck it. I feel bad getting rid of it with that laugh. But if we have to, though. I can't do it on my own. I don't want to be the only guilty party. I say Drexler. Drexler, Nick?

Really funny. But, uh, yeah. It brought in scope. It's not as broad in scope. Yes. Dog, this $5 was going to a Colombian cam model anyway. Might as well learn something. I'm not comfortable getting rid of that. Okay. Then that's what it is. Met a lady boy and told her don't tuck it. I want to lick Thai sweet chili off your chicken McNugget. So that's got to stay.

I thought it was chicken meat. He said chicken McNugget. Oh. There were no Leroy's on Epstein's list because Carnival Cruise didn't stop there, so that one's in there. Yeah, don't even finish saying it. Used a rib condom on Helen Keller and her pussy started speaking to me. I hate to do it. You got to get rid of it.

Yeah, we got a chicken finger. Oh, we got a shirt and pool, aka Mexican Ozempic. There's no way we're getting rid of that. Okay. And then we got taking Leroyd, so I finally have the strength to leave my family. There's no way we can get rid of that. Okay. And then don't walk Josephine through Freshing Priz.

I think we're going to check and figure that because it's a borderline walk the end of one. Okay, that's fine. We have to. We have to. Oh, God. Okay. Here we go. Here's the next round.

We're in the semifinals now. Because I feel like I'm playing chess against Magnus Carlson. This is very, very difficult. We're not saying this is easy, and we thank the fans first for sticking around. you know, this is hard for us too. Barack is a queen because he sucks on Big Mike's peen ladder 14. It's making it to the next round.

It's still around, okay? Frozen grapes in my ass, then walk around shitting like a deer. You were keeping that to the next round. Okay. These are the heavyweights. My trans cock has surprised more Italians in Mount Vesuvius. This is the heavyweights. Okay.

Rekindling what my wife after Dani T sends my Gumar back to the DR. we have to get rid of it yeah if it's not if it's not initially bang we got to go this hurts it hurts but it's out just feel like choosing between your kids it's bad rock hard from blue chew i have to think of my wife's sister to glue glue my dad's a juju but my mom is not few few it's gonna keep it around all right it's the funniest one archa sing better laugh and agree or schultz is getting a new h1b he's a friend of ours he's a friend of ours we're not going to have this up in lights anymore i think we got to just get he's also since this come out he's been through enough he's been through enough yeah yeah yeah it's a matter of fact

now that i'm rereading and i think his wife might his wife might be on the patriot might be her so i just don't want to do it to the kid anymore it's what it is yeah it's what it is what it is so um muzzy woman forced to dress is a voting booth but not a lot to vote there's no way that's going anywhere okay so that is okay um dog this five dollar was going to a Colombian cam model anyway might as well learn something I hate to do it yeah I don't think it's gonna make it

Meta lady boy and told her Don't tuck it I want to lick Thai sweet chili or for chicken McNugget I would have preferred chicken meat So then it's gotta go I am going to Drexler It's got to go There were no Leroy's list

Because Carnival Cruise didn't stop there What are we? There's no way There's no way Have to keep it okay Shirt and Pool A.K. Mexican Ozembek I think it's got to go Right

Yeah in comparison In comparison, that's all this is. Taking Leroyd, so I finally have the strength to leave my family. That can't go anywhere. Okay. That can't go anywhere. Okay. I mean, I know these are borderline walked into ones, but they're too good.

So now we have still on the list, one, two, three, four, five, six, we have seven left. We're down to seven. Yeah. Now, I want you listening at home to understand, I want you to try to figure this out, okay? I'm telling you This is like figuring out actually what fucking dark matter is I know

There's no way to do this It's very We're at the point now Where this is like This is impossible To the point Do you think that we have to call In someone

And ask for help We may have to do we call Who do we phone a friend Who should we phone Who do you think Who do we think Who would pick up Tim?

What do you pick up Tim or Debo Let's go Debo Let's go Debo Let's go Debo I think I think Call him on the Fisher Price phone

All right let's do it Yeah, let me see Debo. Called Debo. Okay, hold on. I'm not having this hang on my head. Okay, here we go. Yeah, here we go. It's great because we know he's home. Yeah.

Well, he could be loading up bags. He could be getting ready to take flight. He's actual pilot. Hello. Cuzz. Yeah. Where are you? Are you in the plane right now?

Yeah, yeah, I'm in the plane. All right, listen, Cuzz. You're on history hyenas. Oh, what's up? Yeah, Yanni's here. Jesse's here. Can you hear it now? I can hear it.

Okay, Debo, we got a situation. We're doing the PPW, the pseudo-penus of the week list. We've gotten this thing down to seven names, and we really need your help to help us pick who the winner is. Oh, boy. This is for the year, okay? Oh, it's for the year. I know you like to call me pest control the way on bug chasing,

but that's a good one. But that, right, you do do that. But that one's out of, you know, We couldn't, that one didn't make it, right? Okay, so, because this is just too hard, right? All right. So here's the name. I'm going to read out all seven, and then you got to tell me which one you like the best, okay?

All right. All right. Baroque is a queen because he sucks on big, I'm sorry, Barack is a queen. Jesus, can you read? Yeah. I know. Barack is a queen because he sucks on Big Mike's Pien, Lata 14. Frozen grapes in my ass, then walk around shit and like a deer.

That's a good one. My trans cock has surprised more. Italians in Mount Vesuvius. Oh. Okay. Rock hard from Blue Chew. I have to think on my wife's sister to glue glue. My dad's a ju-ju, but my mom is not Fiu-Few-Few. Okay.

There's a lot going on there. Then we got Muzzy Woman forced to dress as a voting booth, but not allowed to vote. Then we got, there were no Leroy's on Epstein's list because Carnival Cruz didn't stop there. Oh, I've seen those. And then we got taken Leroids, so I finally have the strength to leave my family.

oh man they're all good i like the deer uh deer shit in one deer shit in one you think you like that over my trans cock has surprised more italians and memphisuvius that's a good one too and you know what yeah that is better that one's better so you think out of all those okay yeah i'm gonna go i'm gonna go ginsel i'm gonna go italian you like the italian one but you do think in second place is the deer frozen grapes in the ass yeah that's a guy that's something something worm would have right worm i know you probably have frozen by the way i told him that we went out to dinner and one of our friends had a gun. Who? Oh, boy. Yeah, that he did.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And it's funny because he was the guy who, at least supposed to have a gun, yeah. All right, Cahs, what are you doing? You at the airport today? Yeah, because, you know, just chilling in cockpits, you know. How are things looking out there on the runway? Cold, cold, real cool. All right. All right, Cus. Safe to fly, though, no? Safe to fly? Definitely safe to fly. I got everything under control.

That's what it is. It'll fly. You're playing right into Middle Village, cards. There you go, right into a Ju-4 kid. Yeah. All right. Thank you, bro. You're welcome, man. Have a Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Debo. Yeah, and Happy Hanukkah. Squeaks. Squeak you, you guys celebrate, what's it, the George Casan the holiday? Oh, Festivus. Yeah, squeakedivis.

Yeah. Happy Squeakivis, too. All right. Later, bro. Later. Later. Doesn't he have to go because he's got to get to Macy's and get his outfit on? Yeah, he does, yeah. Let's do I wasn't confident in that We're going to get a couple of opinions

Okay We'll call Sergio But he does like Mount Vesuvius And the dear grape one is interesting But I mean we're We're overlooking We're overlooking Leroy And we're looking

Overlooking Carnival crews I also did skip What's this? This is Janus You're on history hyenas We need your assistance What's up Janus How you doing?

Surge is not available He's taking a ship I can help you This is his girlfriend Tita. Yo, how you doing Tita? Here's the problem. Tita Jerry.

Your voice is so recognizable. There's really not much you can do to hide it. Yeah. Yeah. No, you got it twisted, puppy. I'm smoking, so that's why it's a little horse right now, but what's up? Yo. Yeah, the problem is your accent...

I'm not a man. I don't got a man's voice, but I'll ever get it twisted. Yeah, the thing with you is, your accent is not just New York. You have an accent that's specific to Avenue B. Yeah. It's just one block. And it's specific And no matter what

You always have a little bit of a list Because your front tooth comes up a little too far It does The over by and the upper lip is just a bit too short Yeah It's just what it is Yeah I tell people all the time

My mouth and the teeth and lip It's an indication that life is just not fair Yeah Just what it is And I wear it right on my face It's just okay One of your tooth is just like a dog door To let the dogs outside

It just flaps up once in a while What can you do? Yo, when I first met my wife's father, he said in Spanish to Liz. He nudged it with his elbow, and he said, Sergio's mouth looks like two dogs fighting. Yo. He's Spanish, and you know, I don't speak the language, right? So I knew something was up because everyone was laughing. I was just sitting there with a stupid close-mouth smile.

Yeah, like a dick with a little beanie hat on. Yo, like a dick. All right, so here we go. So we need help picking the, this is the, the, the, PPW, the best Patreon name of the year. We've narrowed it down to about six or seven. So listen to... An actual, a new name for the Patreon.

Yes. Except from the podcast. You've got history I amos, but you're naming the Patreon. Got it. We're naming the best name for Patreon members. You know, we do the game where we pick the funniest names. So we've narrowed it down to six names for the year. So these are the all-time Hall of Famers,

and it's just too hard for us. so we had to call a couple of friends. Here they are. Okay. Are you ready? Can you hear me? Yes. All right.

Barack is a queen because he sucks on Big Mike's peen ladder 14. Then we got frozen grapes in my ass, then walk around shitting like a deer. Then we got, all right. Then we got my trans. I'm not going to lie. You know I got the itchy asshole, man. A frozen grape might do the job. Am I?

Yeah. Then we got my trans. Rand's cock has surprised more Italians and Mount Vesuvius. Okay, so that's a good one. Then we got... Surprise is hilarious. Then we got Rock Hard from Blue Chew. I have to think of my wife's sister to Gluglu.

My dad's a juju, but my mom is not. Fiu-Few. Yo, these are funny. Okay, but that one's... Okay. Then we got Muzzy Woman forced to dress as a voting booth, but not allowed to vote. Then we got There were no Leroy's on Epstein's list

Because Carnival Cruise didn't stop there Then we got Those are all really good And half of them are highly racist Yes And then this is the last one Taking Leroids So I finally have the strength

To leave my family Oh man What do you like so far What stuck out? I think I I like the Muslim one. The voting booth. Yeah, the voting booth one is fun.

I also think that women should be dressed at three-fourth of cloth because they're very distracting, and I'm trying to do work for you. Yeah, because he's converting to Muslim. He reads the Quran and everything, yeah. Now, what do you think, do you think out of all of them, though, what do you think out the biggest laugh from you? Oh, shit, man, there was another one before that. I'm sorry, my memory is shot.

I had too many times. So, wait, I like the voting booth one. Did you laugh? You laughed at the frozen grapes in the ass. Frozen grapes. Yeah, and I would say frozen grapes in the ass made me laugh. And I'm also going to try it. Yes.

So this is because we call Debo, and he also like frozen grapes in the ass. Okay, we're getting closer. Sergio, thank you. Love you, brother. The fact that you called Debo before me is obscene, but whatever. I mean, it's not like the guy has a job, right? He still lives in the basement. No, no.

No, he's a pilot at JetBlue, for sure. Yeah. No, for sure. I wasn't sure if you're going to pick up the phone if you were busy on a three-mile run with a camera too close to your face. Well, poppy seats between my teeth. Yeah.

We love you, brother. Merry Christmas. Later, bro. All right, man. Peace, please. See, he won't say I love you back. Guys like that can't, it's too gay for them. Too gay, yeah.

So, I don't know, man, it's very illuminating that two outsiders have said, frozen grapes from my ass and walk around shit like a deer. It also got the biggest laugh from y'all. honest. Yeah. Right? I personally think if it was me, I would have my transcock has surprised more towns in Mount Vesuvius. To me, it's between just those two. It's good call. The deer in the Mount Vesuvius, but I don't know. I mean, my, you know, because this is hard, I just think you can't discount two random people who don't know what the other one said, both pick deer.

You can't, you can't, I think that's a good call. I think we're down to Mount Vesuvius and this. I don't think the other one, right? I mean, what else? Because Mount Vesuvian, the thing is, frozen grapes in my ass and walk around shit and like a deer has made two people outside of this podcast say that's the one. We've all thought it was the one. And then, but then on the other hand,

my transcoct has surprised more towns in Mount Vesubius is one of the names that actually changed the way I think and live. Because it was so funny. And I couldn't believe how, because it combined history. Right. It combines trans and he's gay And it just made me feel like this embodies our show Right

Wow We got a real problem here And here's the deal The winner is getting a free t-shirt It's what it is You are getting a free t-shirt So I think the only thing left to do Now that it's down to two is we have to call our wives

We gotta call our wives So I'll go first I'll see if Jasmine will pick up the phone Yeah She may not But I will see And then if not I'm gonna call my mother That's just all we can do

I mean, if you call your mom that is gold, but I don't recommend you do it. Okay. Let's see. And then you're going to have to call your wife. Because if you called your mom, it might be the funniest thing that ever happened in my life but it's the worst thing you could probably do for your life. Jazz?

Uh-huh. Hey, listen, you're on history hyenas right now, so it's going to take 30 seconds. Hello? Hello? What? Okay, you're on 30 seconds. Okay? Just, we're out that we're at the patreon name of the year and and we i'm not going to be on the podcast anymore unless you pay me okay i'm gonna pay you yeah i'm gonna pay you uh i'm gonna pay i'm gonna buy you um

those new chancletas you want so okay so here we go it's down to these two me leave her in here okay is that josephine yes okay um the one of the names that didn't make it that we cut out the name was don't walk josephine through frushing prees do you guys it? Okay. So here we go. These are the two names. These are the two names and we just need your opinion. You don't have to like them. You just have to, you know, what do you think should be the winner? Because we just have to both, it got down to the point where we both have to call our wives. Yonis is going to call Brittany after this and we just need to get into them. Maybe, can you hurry? I'm putting bread baskets together. Yes. So we got frozen grapes in my

ass, then walk around shitting like a deer. Or my trans cock has surprised more Italians in Mount Vesuvius. Hmm, that's a tough one I'll say him again Frozen grapes in my ass Then walk around shit and like a deer Oh my trans cock has surprised More Italians in Mount Vesuvius

Why do they both have to be so gay? Because unfortunately You have two gay men who host the podcast Yeah, and maybe should we read a couple Alts just in case he prefers one of those Okay, so those are the two that aren't contention Just a couple of alts That are just a little bit, you know, not as gay

I seriously cannot see Britney entertaining them Okay. It's probable that that's true. Well, we have a couple of alts, just so you know, there were no Leroy's on Epstein's list because Carnival Cruise didn't stop there. Okay? Or, or, um, daddy's at work. Or, yes, girls, daddy's at work.

Or muzzie woman forced to dress as a voting booth, but not allowed to vote. Um, I kind of like the last one. Muzzy woman forced addresses a voting booth but not allowed to vote Yeah because it's a really good one Yeah I like that one And I like the deer shitting everywhere

Oh dear shitting You're the third person now Debo said dear shitting and Sergio Oh Debo picked it No forget it Oh Okay

All right thanks I know you gotta get back To what you're doing Yeah thanks for wasting A minute of my life Well I'm here You know I'm making the donuts

I'm supporting us babe This is what I do This is the wrong audience All right I love you Bye I think you just got to call your wife Sometimes you got to tell the girls daddy's at work Yeah daddy's at work I call your wife and then yeah

Let's just gonna see what she has to say Sometimes you gotta let the kids know daddy's at work And daddy and mom you're having a work conversation This is just what we do for a living Hi babe, you're on history hyenas Don't panic Don't panic panic panic don't panic we need help we're calling a bunch of people and we're trying to figure out the

ppw the year which is the funniest patreon name we have it down to a few and we need your we need your help for you to let us know which ones you think are the funniest oh god okay hey brittany that's chris this is like call a friend on uh to be a millionaire being yeah so brittany here this is to be a fucking retard yeah so okay so brittany here are the last two names Ames, between these two. We just need your honest opinion. Take 30 seconds. Just two?

Yeah, we're down to two. Okay, so we got, it is between frozen grapes in my ass, then walk around shitting like a deer. Or my trans cock has surprised more Italians than Mount Vesuvius. Oh, my God. The first one made me laugh. The deer made you laugh. That's what it is. Yes, because is there a slight kind of bias you may have?

Because you know the second one, my transcock has surprised more Italians in Mount Vesuvius. Cuvius could be your husband. It crossed my mind. Right. Okay. So Brittany now, she's the fourth person. Thank you,

thank you, Britney. Love you. I'm right to hear from you. Kiss the kids in the head. Wow. So it's a kind of, it's unanimous at this point. Yeah.

The winner, I think that it was safe to say now, the PPW, the winner of the year you need to message us, get us your address you will get a t-shirt this is a guarantee congratulations to whomever you are wherever you're from we will mail you a shirt as long as you live in the continental united states frozen grapes in my ass then walk around shitting like a deer you are the winner the

ppw of the year i literally i'm not even joking i got chills just now down my back because listen to this this is the winner of thousands of entries many beasts yes yes you are the king of kings king of king you are shall I say the queen aunt yes you fucking are top of the food chain that is I think that's a bigger feat

than my entire career he went up against thousands of fucking names of the year and one and it was multiple people's opinions you go down as legend now yeah I don't know what you're doing if you're working at sheets

I don't know where you are yeah you know You're stocking shelves, maybe you're a lawyer, maybe you're a pimp, maybe you're a sex trafficker. Whatever it is, you also can add this achievement to your curriculum V-tie. You, I don't know if you're a man, if you're a woman, I don't know. I know that, and I know that you probably already, if you look out your window, there's probably someone standing outside your window right now with a sign that says you are the PPW and that person is owes permanence because he mirrored our phones. So that's how we do So yeah I know

So I'm just kidding But congratulations to you Congratulations to the PPW It really is You have to think about The odds that you overcome To win this award It really is

Believe in yourself For the kids out there Listening to the podcast You can do anything Because this person It's probably just a regular You know they probably work In an auto body show

They listen while they're doing other things. Maybe they work for Amazon. They're driving a UPS truck. You don't know. Maybe they're a school teacher showing the history stuff to their kids. You don't know who they are. You don't know where they live. But they are no longer anonymous.

That's right. Because now proudly frozen grapes in my ass, then walk around shit and like a deer. You've changed the course of your own life. And we salute you. You are the PPW of the year of 2025, the year of Jesus Christ. Anything is possible if you dare to dream big enough.

Yes. If you're willing to let grapes freeze and stuff them in your ass to shit them back out. Yes. You can be a king. You can be a king and you will get a t-shirt on us. We'll sign it if you would like. Please just message us and message to Patreon and we will get that shirt out to you. So congratulations.

Merry Christmas. Yeah.