History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Ryan Long is WILD! - 187

Episode Date: January 27, 2021

The HYENAS catch up with comedian Ryan Long! They talk about Canadian serial killer Paul Kenneth Bernardo. Bernardo is known for initially committing a series of rapes in Scarborough, Ontario, a suburb of Toronto, between 1987 and 1990. GET READY FOR A WILD EPISODE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No Frills delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC Optimum Points on your first five orders. Shop now at NoFriills.ca. All right, baby. Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. We're going wild. Chrissy D, Yanni P, and we've got another German-looking kid, Ryan Long. Yeah, when he was-

Yannis, do you feel comfortable? No, right now, my Greek genes are getting a little nervous, but here's the deal. Yeah. Here's the deal. Ryan is Canadian. It's Canadian. So he is from a

kinder, gentler America. Yonis's mother was or Yonis is I say Yonis's mother, but it wasn't your mother. But I'm for the story. I'm gonna say was your mother was tied to a pole on a and had a German Nazi gun pointed at her head when they were occupying Greece now not struck by Greece. That is the true story. Just Ryan and give him a proper intro. That is not true.

You could just go this to the Battle of Crete episode. But since Chrissy said it, it goes through the Chrissy filter and comes out much more interesting. I'll give you credit for that. It's a lot more interesting. I got a whole fucking thing. And your mom had an affair with her Nazi captor. Why not?

Yeah. We are sitting here with the very hilarious Ryan Long. Who's presently on cocaine. Yeah, he's probably, why, because his eyes are wide open? Yeah, we are sitting here with the very hilarious Ryan. Ryan Long, who's presently on cocaine. Yeah, he's probably like his eyes are wide open. Yeah. He's called out. Yeah. Well, if I was in charge of those camps, there would have been maple syrup for you and the whole family, which I appreciate a kinder. Yeah, because wouldn't have been a German shepherd would have been a poodle.

I keep it real. I got to be honest. I wasn't like his tax. I wasn't even aware of Canada. Yeah. Till about until I wasn't even aware of Canada. Yeah, till about Until I became friends with Jason Rouse Rouse used to send me a picture of him taking a shit on snapchat for like six months straight until I finally just deleted him Then I saw me goes yo, why are you deleting me from snapchat? Yeah Shit every morning because you are mentally disturbed in a psychopath.

Yeah. I mean, he's an old friend of mine. I couldn't even invite him to my own wedding because he's just disrespectful. What about the other kid who's Franks and Beans? Manolis. I can invite him. I mean, he's borderline retarded,

but you know what I mean? He's a great kid. Yeah, if you invited Rouse, you'd be like, after this wraps up, can I sleep here? Yeah, you just don't know if he's gonna shit on your mom's chest or try to or pee I mean he was invented by the Vikings shitting on the chest he pees on car windows He should have the bathroom at the wedding with pcams. That's chill, right? I

Mean Jason Rouse's I mean very funny. He's an original in Canada A lot of people a lot of people started imitating him then jackass and that stuff came up, but Rouse goes way back He was doing that shit right now. He lives in a bathtub now. He does horse tranquilizers in these fucking I think he's in Austin now. I think he moved to Austin kids back in America He always shitting bathtubs every hotel room. He would do he would shit in a bathtub. Can you do funny Rouse story? I'll just tell you let me just tell this story. Oh, this was Rouse good kid This is funny, so he used to have house parties. Yeah. And in Canada they call them house parties. House party.

And so he would put some newspapers on the floor. He'd have like 40 people over and he would take a shit on the newspaper. I love shitting. And he would just wait until someone said, oh, I didn't know you had a dog. And he just goes, I don't. Yeah.

Until they just go, oh, dude, I'm twisted. You should on the floor. When did you come to America, Ryan? Like a little over a year ago. So I only had like a little time here before the pandemic. Yeah. Welcome. Yeah. And then it's been good to you. One of those people who are excelling is excelling in the pandemic,

doing doing Internet stuff, doing sketches. and you're pumping him out now. One of the best sketches, one of the funniest of yours that I enjoyed was when you, the sketch that you did with the guy who looks like Yanis, it looked, you and your partner. Pete Lee? No, no, the one that he did, the one that he did when you were showing,

the Vice reporters, when you were showing pictures of people and being like, Oh, yeah, yeah, Vice rehabilitation. People were saying this looks like me and you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. This one day with people were saying this. Oh, he does. Oh, that's Dan. You know, Danny. He's Jewish, though. Yeah. Oh, Danny Bullish. Catch it. This is one of the best. I was dying laughing at this.

Yeah. Danny's also a very funny Canadian comedian. Yeah. Yeah. He moved here like kind of together. It's no fear of comedy because it's and that's the thing when I watch you guys, I'm like anybody that thinks that this is a racist sketch or or not appropriate. It's just not a funny person. I thought you were going to say right. And part well, no, I mean, it is a right sketch. We would like to invite you to the meetings.

It's it's well, right. When kids buy an N-word version on Patreon. Yeah, I'm fully. Yeah. The last thing I'd ever do is denounce the right because they buy tickets. You have to make money if you have Republican fans. What are Democrats going to do? Pay with fucking ramen noodles. Yeah. What are you going to come with your 10 roommates?

They just go away. Second, this is is this a Netflix? I'm not supposed to get free. I'm on the list. Do you know who I am? Also, so many like people who are like Republicans now are just like, Yo, Democrats are crazy. I guess I'm this now. Right. Yeah. A lot of former Democrats, a lot of Democrats are actually even like feel homeless a little bit because Yeah.

The left. Well, be homeless. Why do you need a title? Like, you need a jersey that bad? Well, I don't know if they need a title, but they're at least coming to different, like they're going to different types of comedy. They're going to like, they're starting to listen to other points of view yeah you know just because the left has kind of been pulled so fringe you know it's like the the left seems beholden to like the far left and in some ways the right used to and is still always beholden to the far right so the left has started acting like the right used to.

It used to be the right would always pander to born again Christians, evangelicals. They had to pay. They were the authoritarians. And so like they always pander to that even though the majority of people are just like, are just fucking, I wanna protect my business in small government.

That's the majority of Republicans are normal people, just like the majority of Democrats are normal people. But the right used to be the only ones that pandered to that far right. Now the left is also pandering to their religious called, called the squad. Squad, is it the same Ryan in Canada? Is it this division?

You can just copy us here, but like, again, like yeah, like you're saying, so the right used to be the puritanical ones, now the left are the puritanical, they're the ones like running the church, where they're like, you know, and people are like, hey, we're going over there. You're like, that's the devil.

You're like, we're just kind of partying and having fun, right? Like the comedians are being like the kids at the back of the class and they fought over who gets to be the teacher. And now, so the left's the teacher a little bit running the thing. But in Canada, the only difference is,

so you guys have like this big counterculture here of, you know, fighting against what the main thing is. You know how the smaller the place, the less there's a counterculture? Like if you look at Portland or the smaller places, they're more crazy because they don't have room for like a voice of dissent, right? So in Canada, the industry is just kind of the industry and then there's not room for like you guys.

So when me and my friends were kind of doing this whole thing and I was sort of straddling the line, probably like you did a little bit like you did the industry thing. And when I moved here, I was like, no, you don't have to do that anymore. You could just be the counterculture because there's enough of it here. Yes. By industry in Canada, do you mean Mark Breslin? No, he's like the live industry. He's your like live nation. He runs Yuck Yucks. Like a Nazi. I mean, like I was doing, I was doing, I did TV shows at CBC and stuff like

that. The literal government funded comedy. Right, right, right, right. Yeah, you, yeah, I feel like I feel- Government funded comedy sounds scary. Yeah, I feel like it's nuts. That almost sounds like it's gonna come up and be like, hello. Yeah. Hi, welcome to the Nazi, Nazi Variety Hour.

Yeah. Here, we have a Jew in a box. Now we're going to cut the Jew. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Now for a break, this was brought to you by Pop Shmiel. Now we're going play for the record. I didn't want to. You were like, what's big? I was like, what's big? Toronto?

And I was like, this is Bob Bernardo, guys. You know, I'm an expert. I need this. I know you're a cute kid. You play Paul Bernardo. I'll play the victims. He was the hot guy. Yeah, he was a good looking guy. I knew from Toronto. Wonder Woman 84. Well, I'm from like suburbs outside of Toronto, he was a good looking guy. Sorry, Benitya. Are you from Toronto? Wonder Woman 84, great movie.

I'm from like suburbs outside of Toronto, but I came up in Toronto. And he's from Scarborough, actually. Which is a shithole? But I was born, like, where I, where my first seven years, I was where, where Paul Bernardo took place. You were in the same place, Scarborough. So this guy's like a, everybody knows this guy.

He was the guy. Like, he's one of those ones that gets all the love letters still. And then he responds to all the love letters and he doesn't have time for his real fans who've been with him since the start. Yeah, I mean, dude, he's fame. He's a famous Canadian. Well, because we realized we yeah, it's him and Tim Horton and Justin Trudeau. That's about it. We realized that in Canada from doing the research on this. It's very, very rare that you get life in prison in Canada. He's like...

So it's even stranger than that. So you can't get life in prison. You can't. But like on it, they know that he's allowed to get out, but they just won't let him. Like it's everywhere. He's like, this isn't really legal, you keeping me here. And they're like, yeah, I mean, you're not getting out.

You're not getting out. But really, like, you can murder someone in Canada and you will almost never... You can't legally, you cannot get life. You cannot and that's the big the big like problem with that or the big controversy with this was the girl she got out after 12 years she's currently out and about. I want to talk about that and I want to put Canada on notice because men and women are equal so they should have equal punishment. Women should have equal punishments.

Women should not be oppressed and be allowed to get out of prison. They should be equal to men. He's doing life in prison, she should do life in prison. Equal time for equal gender. Yeah, Nitties! I'll tell you what, Yannis, if this was looked at as a good thing when the fan mail comes in,

she's probably like, I was also kind of involved She's taking the credit when people are hot hyped about it. Let me just jump to this. Let me just jump to this Carla homo. Well, let me just rape her sister and killed her Let me just give the quick overview Paul Kenneth Bernardo's Canadian sauce monkey born August 27 1964 cuz he's born Oh, we're August 25 26 27. Yes Cause he's born where August 25, 26, 27. Yes. Uh-oh. Wait a second. So I'm all Yanni's August 25th.

I'm August 26th. Paul Bernardo's August 27th. Paul, if you're watching. I'm August 12th. That means I'm in a psychopath cookie. Yeah, you're in the psychopath trifecta. I look to the left psychopath. I look to the right.

Ryan's born August 12th. So he was also known as Paul Jason Teal. The kid had a little bit of an alter ego, just like Yanni. Or Chrissy Cackles, AKA Chrissy Chlamydia. So when you hear Canadian serial killer, you're like, what is that? What are they, just kiss people to death?

No, this guy was a fucking bad guy. I mean, they were just giving hugs out and squeezing people till they die. But Canadian serial killer and serial rapist, Nobueno, he's known for initially committing a series of rapes in Scarborough, Ontario, a suburb of Toronto, between 1987 and 1990, good years for me. He subsequently committed three murders

with his then wife, Carla Homoloka, who I don't know what kind of last name that is. Homoloka. Homoloka. Among these victims was her youngest sister, her young sister, Tammy Homoloka. After his capture and conviction, Bernardo was sentenced to life in prison in 25 years and was later declared a dangerous offender,

which in Canada is what Ryan was saying, means you're never gonna get out. But as we were saying, he's still in jail, but Carla is out and it's very fucking disturbing the details of this story that we're gonna get to. So, I mean, hold on. So get your lube out if this shit makes you horny. This is the thing about Canada.

Canada. Canada. Just a joke. I support women. One woman 84 great movie. Yeah. The thing about Canada is Canada is smaller, right? In population.

Smaller. Yeah. But when they come, when you guys come and hit and the news or the comedian or the actor or the athlete hits the states, they hit big. They hit big. They Steve Nash it. If you're coming, if you're coming for it, you're Steve Nash, you're Jim Carrey, you're Ryan Long, you're fucking Paul Bernardo, who is up there. Canada. If you were going gonna do fucking Hall of Fame for fucking serial killers, getting your wife to rape and kill her own sister, first ballot Hall of Fame serial killer.

It pop off though, like he has an SVU episode. He does, okay. Which is, that's like the Netflix special if you're a serial killer. So is he as big, like, would he be like a similar to like a Scott Peterson in America? I've never even heard of him, that's a nobody. Wow. This was he as big like would he be like a similar to like a Scott Peterson in America? I've never even heard of him. That's a nobody. Wow. This was the guy like Jack the Ripper. Yeah, like this guy's so famous that like every every month for like the next 10 years,

it would be like another headline on the Toronto Star and it would be like people are mad that Paul Bernardo has a TV in his cell. Like you still get impressed. Wow. Just nothing. Wow. So what was it like when you were a kid growing up in Scarborough? Because you were like getting back. Only till seven. So I'll tell you why I moved to a girl. My parents lived in a building for a little bit, like right when I was born. And someone, a girl got abducted in that building. Wow.

And that's why they moved. But it wasn't this guy. No. But it was around the same time. And also I was in a, it's kind of funny, but in Scar building. Wow. And that's why they moved. But it wasn't this guy. No, but it was like around the same time. And also I was in a it's kind of funny, but in Scarborough. So I was in this daycare when they moved to and then so I came home and I was kind of like, yo, this sticker kind of sucks because this lady keeps us like locked up in the basement, all 15 of us. And my mom goes, what?

So she goes, OK, well, I'm getting you out of there. And then two weeks later, that daycare was on the news because they were like a fight club. Oh shit. Yeah, you know the daycare fight club? But my mom writes the story, like, I was in there with the knuckles and she came and dragged me out, kicked the other kid's ass.

Like she's the hero. But it happened after. So the daycare I was in was in the news. And then the building we were at got someone abducted. But this was like around the corner from where I was living. Wow. Like he was in the neighborhood that Christian French girl family still live there you can you know we moved to Ajax Ontario which is like a cyber Ajax it's like a working board in malls forming bands I used to clean my

dishes every guy's a wigger Ajax is it's a working class but it's not like Hamilton work oh it's not working class at all no Ajax is it's a working class, but it's not like a Hamilton. No, it's not working class at all. No, Ajax is like fucking Long Beach. Like Ajax is like a suburb. But the difference is between American suburbs, like American suburbs are where people go when they're richer. A lot of times it's more like the middle, like every like mine was like half black, half white, just like kind of normal people. You know, it's weird. You're specifically right.

Like you're right. In France and like countries like that in Sweden. The suburbs is where like the immigrants live and all the Swedes live in the city. Like they live in high rise. So the riots happen in the suburbs, which is like backwards from where we are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like Canada, you know, if you and Nicole Arbor ever got together, it'd be a fucking takeover. She's my friend. Like she me and her were friends like it's it might be illegal for you guys to even be together in 2021.

It's like a hate crime. You guys are so white and powerful. Yeah, she she fucking stirs shit up right now. I like it. She's the best. She'll post stuff on my on. There was a while in Toronto comedy, like with all like your version of Brooklyn. Anything she posted, it would be like a big drama. People get so hyped up about Nicole so fucking miserable.

And then people get mad at me and they would go, why are you doing this with her? This, I go, because she's my friend. Like she's my friend. Everybody's a idiot, dude. I'm telling you, I know her personally. What do you want me to do? She's for guns and she's for pop.

She's my friend. Dude, the angrier you, I can always tell that it's always an ageless, the angrier comedian is, the more roommates they have. When you have a person who's got five roommates, they're so fucking mad at everybody else because they're it's just their life sucks. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because so many people now are peers, 40s, 50s, all these roommates and they're mad at everybody.

It's like, dude, you're mad at yourself, guy. Yeah, mad at yourself. It's not fucking us. What's the age where it's like, if you're a comedian and you have roommates, you gotta give up. What's the age where you gotta take a peek at least in the mirror?

40. 40. Well, you can't be 40 with multiple roommates. 40 roommates is tough. Only doing comedy. You can have 40 roommates, you're trying to figure out the shot, but if you just do it,

it's then time to just say, you know what? Let me take a look. Let me take a look in the mirror and look at the computer at who's hiring UPS. And let's figure this shit. Or just get a girlfriend with some money, you know, or a one bedroom. You know, you can still you can still live like a fucking low life with a check. It's just a little.

I might be 40. I'm 36 right now, but I may be 40 with roommates, but that's because I divorced and going to get half my shit taken. So it's going to be a little. I might be 40. I'm 36 right now, but I may be 40 with roommates, but that's because I would be divorced and going to get half my shit taken. So it's going to be like I still have things. But then I'll build myself back up. Who the fuck is that? Don't answer it. Somebody trying to steal that.

Is that Bernardo? OK, so let me tell you about Bernardo. He grew up in Scarborough, Ontario, Canada. He was described as a sweet boy and a boy scout, which is the news loved him. Yeah, dude, a little sweet baby boy and a boy scout, which, you know, he developed dark sexual fantasies, just like Yannis, and enjoyed humiliating women, just like, I will say it, dark sexual fantasies, and enjoyed humiliating women in public,

and beating women he dated. Oh, like the fucking Timbaland. I need to know who here wants to humiliate women. I'll tell you after. Okay. And enjoyed humiliating women in public, and beating women he dated. When Bernardo was 16, his mother told him

that he was conceived illegitimately during the extramarital affair disgusted, he began openly insulting her. Wow. Sean King, he's got Sean King's story. Oh my God. Yeah, he definitely illegitimate. But the best with Sean King is Sean King's always like,

no, my mom cheated on my dad with a black eye. And she's like, no, I didn't. Stop telling people this. It's like, it's like this Hilaria Baldwin story. Have you seen that? The Hilaria Baldwin. So Alec Baldwin's wife has been claiming that she's Spanish, you know, from Spain and talks like, I don't remember that cucumber like talks like that.

But then, but then they found out recently that she's grown. She grew up in Boston, Massachusetts and talks like a full-fledged white girl But but even they were interviewing her mother and her mother was talking about her kids I think one a kid he has because her real name is Hillary her real name is Hillary whatever and so the mother's talking Interview a few years ago a few years ago. The mother's talking and she's like, you know, and my son Alexander she goes and my daughter Hilaria Spanish comedy club say it no she's trying to say like what did my how did my daughter say Hilaria. Spanish comedy club. Like she's trying to like say it. No, she's trying to say like, what did my, how did my daughter say to say her name? Because her name's fucking Hillary. Yeah.

But she's like, Hilaria. My daughter, Hilaria. Yeah, Hilaria. Is, she grew up in Espana by herself and her and her friend Marisol are so close. They go to Ibiza like every single summer. By the way, if you guys want to see something, Hilaria, January 16th, I'm doing stand up are so close. They go to Ibiza like every single summer. If you guys want to see something hilarious, January 16th, I'm doing standup comedy.

Souljoel's Comedy Club, Royceford, Pennsylvania. Go get tickets. ChristyComedy.com, HisTrainers.com, Souljoel's.com. Get tickets January 16th. Yeah. So Paul Bernardo fucking was on the loose for a little while. And he was a terror because he had an accomplice. This was like the Bonnie and Clyde of serial killers. This is really the only serial killer in North American

history, who had like there was two of them. She was doing the killing too. So here we go. So he met in October 1980. He was going on dates with girls, these sexual fantasies and humiliate women and beat them. And obviously he just could not get a date. Everyone's swiping fucking left. So he- Let me interrupt you there. Me and my friends in the like kind of a heat of this.

I will afterwards, we all set our profile pictures on Bumble to Paul Bernardo. 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10. We used to swap around. We used to go, it used to be Bernardo, Cosby and Dr. Luke. They, you know, the guy who did catch his stuff. And honestly, girls were like pretty funny.

And you know, what's her name from the show? Girls, what was her name again? Lena Dunham. Lena Dunham. Smokin'. Smokin' hot. Just a body. Just she got in trouble.

She got in trouble, you can Google it, for tweeting a joke about Paul Bernardo and- you got in trouble for it. Yeah, how much she got in trouble was like a big controversy because she made a joke that something like they were like something Paul Bernard, what's the tweet Paul Bernardo joke draws fire. But he's not that popular in the United States. Oh, people know him. Oh, people know. You're trying to say he's bare naked ladies one hit in America. He didn't really stick, though.

She tweeted you guys go as killer Canadian couple Paul Bernardo and Carla Hamilka. I'll be her sister. They murdered scary's love you tweeted the 26 year old Dunham to two of her friends, BJ Novak and actress Mindy Kaling. Yes. OK. So I mean, you know, it's a harsh tweet from harsh tweet, but it is just a joke. And I just it's fine. You know, it's funnier than anything girls has ever put out. Yeah, I think. I think people get mad at the, you know, those naked photos of her

were kind of funny. They were great. I mean, whatever. Fucking woman power, fucking hero survivor, whatever we're supposed to say. Yes. So tell us the story. Tell us what she did, like what they did because. Yeah, go ahead. Tell us from the Canadian point of view. Yeah, from the Canadian point of view from the Canadian point of view Like cuz we look at this as reality TV. We we see it. No, I think it says Yeah, we just see it as like this is like a fucking Mark Wahlberg movie. Yeah. Yeah, I mean yeah diving gun guys Are really fucking bad because in America, this is just like a Tuesday afternoon. It's what I mean Chris grew up in a house like this

Well, no, the torturing was kind of the craziest stuff in. Yes. When you actually know and lots, there's lots of torturers, which when you whenever you watch like even a movie, like whoever I'm watching, I kind of root for it. Like if it's a cop movie, I'm on the cops. If it's a bad movie, even serial killers, I'm like, all right, I can see it like this. They put up numbers. But when they start the torturing, that's when you're like, I'm out. You know, I can't be on your team. You draw the line. That's where I draw the line. You know, in October, 87, he met Carla Hamalka and they were sexually

attracted to each other almost immediately unlike the other women he knew Carla encouraged these sadistic sexual behaviors so this is why. All these stories kind of whack though like if you actually think about it they're always like you know and then they met this day but he'd had other people but not like her and it's like he was 24 like it wasn't you know what I mean they try to build it up like yeah like a romantic. Because every girl, every woman was probably like, I can fix him, he's a fuck boy. But then Carla just fucking was the first one,

was like, I don't wanna fix a guy and that's the kind of woman he was. They have some of the biographies they go, they talked about how he was like a pickup artist. So, you know, I think they were at the thing, he had like a big hat and deck of cards and stuff like that. But that's what I'm saying That's the ultimate neg, though.

You know what I mean? He took nagging a little too far. Yeah. If you if you ask me, well, the thing about was keenly interested in the 1991 Bret Easton Ellis novel American Psycho and read it as his Bible. We want American Psycho as the movie because Christian Bale has fucking. This is like his fucking Wikipedia. My Bible is the game. Yeah. The thing the thing.

Yeah. The thing that's an art of the deal. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I fucking love the game. Yeah. The thing, the thing. Yeah. The thing that's an art of the deal. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I fucking love the movie. Maybe, maybe. You know what? If you guys are lucky, because we obviously lost him in 2020, maybe I'll run for president of Canada.

Yeah. Prime Minister. That'd be great. The thing about psychopaths and Paul Bernardo is undoubtedly a psychopath. If you do this, is that usually they are. They do pick up a lot of chicks. They're charming, superficially charming, glib, they lie a lot, bundy, promiscuous Ted Bundy.

So he was a typical psychopath. My question is Hamalka, was she a psychopath or was she did Paul Bonardo just have that good dick? I think girls always kind of just copy dudes a little. She's like, oh, we're murdering sisters now. Whatever. Right. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. she's like, oh, we're murdering sisters now, whatever. Right. Oh, that's cool.

Yeah. She was like, I want to support him. Mom, he's my husband. Okay. Yeah. You don't understand. Yeah, you don't get it. So, okay.

So, so Paul actually was annoyed. The story says that Carla wasn't a virgin when he met her. So it was therefore. No, no. Oh, yeah. So what do you got? Yeah, exactly. The other part of it was so basically Carla Hamoka, Paul's his whole thing with virgins like that was his whole deal. Right. Very Muslim. Yeah.

Yeah. That's unique, though. That's unique and troubling. Like, so he his victims were like he went after young. But I think a lot of it was like when you actually kind of listen to documentaries and stuff, it was like he couldn't get it up. So that's why he I think a lot of it was like when you actually kind of, listen to documentaries and stuff, it was like he couldn't get it up, so that's why he was degraded. Like a lot of it was, you know,

I don't think Paul was packing. I think he needed a girl that had- Nope, if you couldn't get it up, bluetooth.com is your sponsor. They could have solved this whole problem. So you basically, so basically you think like the killing was like a compensation because the kid had a small piece.

I think he just wasn't packing, he couldn't fucking get it up. I think like he wasn't packing. He couldn't fucking get it up. I think like he wasn't, you know, it wasn't a lover's lover. So he's like, you know, I like virgins and you're like, why? And he's like, no reason. Just she was like, yeah, she was talking to her girlfriend. She was like, girls, you don't understand. OK, yeah, he's not he's not big, but he tortures so fucking good.

He takes the time. The buzzy. Yeah, he chokes me out just within an inch of life. Ah, love that. He is a feminine giver, right? So Paulie Bernardo, fucking sauce, my Canadian sauce monkey, Paulie Bernardo said because Tammy, the Kamala, Tammy Kamala wasn't I'm sorry, Carla Tomoko wasn't a virgin.

I mean, that name is all wrong. Yeah, that he it was his right. It was his right to take the virginity of Carla's pretty younger sister, Tammy, without her knowledge or consent. And Carla bought this. So I don't know why she did, but she she had in order to kill your own sister. Don't you think you got to be a psychopath? She is a psychopath.

The bitch wants to keep wearing my clothes. What happened? So basically, she made a deal with the prosecutor saying that she's only going to get 12 years if she rats out Paul because she basically went to get enough of this whole thing. She was like, that was fun. But like onto the next guy. So she went to the cops and she goes, you know, this guy's been torturing people like,

oh, I was there. But you know, I didn't do anything. Yeah. Yeah. So she made a deal for 12 years, right? They made this deal. They were going to trial. Well, before they were going to trial,

they raided the house, found all the tapes of Carla Homoka and Paul torturing the girls, and she's like all in. She's like, get him, Polly! You can do it, yeah! What an idiot! That's for taking my sweater, that's for borrowing my sweater without my permission, bitch!

Yeah, so here's how it went down. This is really fucking disturbing, and just like, I was actually doing the research, or reading the research and getting like the bitch. So here's how it went down. This is really fucking disturbing. And just like I was actually doing the research or reading the research and getting like the chills. I was like, oh my God. So Bernardo lost his job as an accountant because he wasn't a Jew. And he smuggled cigarettes across the nearby

Canadian US border. So whatever, he became obsessed with Tammy, the little sister. You would look into her window at night and obviously move his monkey a little bit. While she slept, it's just what you do. It happens. It's just what you know what it is and so Carla the his wife girlfriend wife worked in a veterinary clinic a veterinarian clinic and and had access to sedatives for animals She used something called halothane, which is an anesthetic which animals inhaled before surgery

So that's what Carla said they used to subdue her. They used this animal fucking anesthetic. But the truth of the situation is this, is actually Bernardo got some volume and crushed it up in some spaghetti sauce, because the kid's still an Italian kid, and he still knew how to slice the garlic thin enough to make a fucking dope sauce where you wouldn't taste the volume. And unfortunately, this knocked her out. She lost consciousness. Bernardo then raped her while Tammy fucking Bernardo then raped Tammy while her older sister Carla watched fucking disgusting. She actually engaged in it, too.

She actually did it. He made her. Yeah, she got her out. Let me ask you this question. Do you think this makes Thanksgiving with their parents weird after this? She's has a new family right now. And she lives in St. Gatharines and and it's like out in the news because she can't do anything without the news being like, so Carla Hamoka is like moving next door to me.

She comes there with a pie like not the same me. New year, new me. If she came to the US, I wouldn't be that big of I don't think. Oh, you think she can just get a green card that easy? That's the thing you guys have a rough time coming in here Yeah, that's why it's what you're talking about before when you go a lot of people go, you know All you Canadians are like so funny. You're like the five of us that are here. I assure you There is a entire crop of terrible comedians. Yeah, right.

Dude, we just take your best and we reject the rest. So she- No, she can't get a green card, man. Paul could have probably, but. Yeah, so she caught, well, Trump will pardon him. He crushed, they crushed the value. Recognizes excellence. So that's what Bernardo said,

but that's actually even not what really happened. Tammy said one thing, Carla said one thing, Paulie said another thing. What really happened is Carla and Bernardo administered sleeping pills to 15 year old Tammy in a rum and eggnog cocktail, which sounds cute, but it's brutes, and Tammy lost consciousness,

and Carla and Bernardo undressed her, and Carla applied this halothane sole claw to her sister's nose and mouth, and then they raped her, and then Tammy got up and started to vomit, and they fuck, and she died at St. Catharines General Hospital. A few hours later, all of this while fucking Tammy and Carla's parents were in the bedrooms upstairs.

I mean, why I would fucking shoot Carla in the head with the fucking gun if I would I would kill. I already lost one daughter. I kill my other daughter. I kill her. Yeah, that's why I said it makes Thanksgiving weird. You know, the craziest thing. He didn't get up. She just was, she just started vomiting.

And then choked on her own vomit. Between getting caught and this happening, they did Thanksgiving dinner at the family with the body in the basement. Is that true? Yeah. And she kept like, they kept going to bat downstairs, like checking on the body, then coming upstairs, like more peas, like that kind of thing. So what did they say? Where did they say the sister was? Well, this is when the sister was like missing. Oh my God. Or maybe it wasn't the sister. Maybe this was a different body, but yeah, I might be wrong on that.

One of the bodies. They had a body in the basement. Let's go with the sister. Yeah, we don't go for accuracy on this. I think they weren't supposed to kill the sister. I think that was like, he was just supposed to get the virginity and they were gonna let her go.

I think it was kind of right. And then after they killed her, they're like, I mean, we already. Yeah. Well that's like. He was just raping at first. He kind of, and then after they killed her, they're like, I mean, we already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well that's like, He was just raping at first, he wasn't killing. Yeah, they put her down unconscious because they didn't want to kill her,

but they wanted to rape her and have her not know about it and film it so he can have the trophy. But then she died on the throw up, so it was kind of accidental homicide. Yeah, and then once they killed her, it's kind of like, well, I've already had one beer. I mean, I know we said we weren't drinking tonight. What's up, it's Chrissy Standups.

Listen, February 12th, 13th, Valentine's Day weekend. I'll be doing Atlantic City, New Jersey, the Celebrity Theater. Then February 25th to the 27th, hot, hot, hot, Phoenix, Arizona, House of Comedy. Then just added March 6th, the Vogel, Red Bank, New Jersey. We just added two shows there. Go get them, the tickets sold out real quick last time.

Go to ChrisDComedy.com for tickets. That's ChrisDComedy.com for tickets. I'm Chrissy Standups. Let's have some fight, yawn. French, I think what you're talking about is this, is he had another victim, 15-year-old Kristen French, who they were looking for victims. That's the main one.

They wound up killing Kristen French, and then the following day, Bernardo and Homolka murdered French before going to Carlos' family's home for Homol They wound up killing Kristen French. And then the following day, Bernardo and Homoka murdered French before going to Carlos family's home for Homoka's Easter dinner. Right. I think that they went to Easter dinner. That's what I'm talking about. After they murdered the French girl.

So this 15-year-old Kristen French, you're saying is actually more famous. Kristen French. Case than the other one. Well, Homoka's and her sister are famous because Homoka is part of it. But Kristen French was like the most famous. Yeah, Vicka.

What was the reason for that, you think? She was the whitest, the richest. Yeah, maybe the whitest and richest missing for the longest time, but also I think the videos of the torture to her were the most brutal. Like he only really got into the art of cinema, like around the Kristen French time. He watched a few tutorials, he was getting good

with his editing. Wait, you guys didn't see that though on the news up there. They didn't show any of that. Nobody's ever seen these videos, right? I think that was a big problem, as they were like inadmissible in court or something like that. That's why come home. Oh, Mokoni was able to get 12 years.

Well, the one while the one thing that I saw, the most damaging thing is one of his other victims, Leslie, Laili, Mahatma, Mahaffy, Leslie, Mahaffy. They they killed her. They raped and killed her, sodomized her, filmed all this disgusting stuff and then mutilated her body and put it in cement blocks and tried to have the cement blocks go down into some body of water. But fucking Bernardo kept the receipts for the cement and they found the receipts that he had had like for the cement.

Bernardo was sloppy, like if you actually look at it, do that. Originally, what happened was they were they interviewed him for the rapes for some reason then he went and they go yo was this you can we take your DNA and he was yeah sure take my DNA and then they just never processed it 26 months they just go like okay I mean we do I went to Tim Horton's and had a coffee and just kind of forgot to go back. A double double. So let me ask you this. OK, you want to go, bud? You want to go in Canada? The judge, the prosecutor, when he looked at Paul Bernardo

and the prosecutor and the dad said, dude, you want to go buckets and gloves right now? You want to fucking drop? You want to fucking go, bud? You kill any of my daughters again? Well, I'm going to fucking drop them. Yeah. So but it's prison in Canada. I know prison is prison, but is it like he's not getting raped or beaten, tortured, none of that protective custody.

They don't just throw him out there. It wouldn't last a day. Solitary confinement, probably. Yeah, exactly. But that was the thing. So he's in solitary confinement. And then he would get like anything like, you know, he would get like a nice meal or something. And then they'd take a picture of it and be like, this is what Paul Bernardo's life is like. He's living a life of luxury. Yeah.

But he had a TV at one point and that was a big controversy whether he should have a TV. Yeah, so Canada's pissed at both of them still. It's like, so when she made that joke. She's out and about, dude. Yeah, like, yeah, cause I know the- She have an Instagram, can we find her IG? No, she's, she, but paparazzi.

I just wanna see what people do, like psychopaths do. Dude, she's selling CBD right now. She, but paparazzi, I just want to see what people do. Like psychopaths do. Dude, she's selling CBD right now. Yeah, shout out, get five, CBD, get five THC.com, get five THC.com, CBD gummies all flavored. She's gonna get a podcast set, the Gas Digital Network. Yeah, 100%. Here's Carla Homolka.

Yeah, so, okay, yeah, so she's out in the booth right now. And yeah, dude, she's 50 years old. She lives in Port Credit, Canada, which- Imagine being her new husband. Yeah. Like telling her, you're like, no dude she's 50 years old she lives in Port Credit Canada. Which imagine being her new husband yeah by telling her you're like no she's changed though like yeah yeah but you know what bitches like this just they they if she dealt with him and didn't get killed she's a manipulative psychopath bitch herself and those bitches for some reason they just really good at sex. And they use sex. Not that good. He needed the sister.

No, but I mean, you know, good call. That's a good call, actually. Yeah, I guess not that great. But don't you think she used her sexuality in some way and like her beauty to get off and get off and also like a big Tim up like, oh, that was so hot when you killed that one. Like, I bet you could do better than that. She's just looking at Jack the Ripper shit when he comes in like, oh, seven. That's nice.

Do you think do you think not being able to like legally go to jail for life in Canada, like deters criminals like you think like, what do you think about like the Canadian prison system? I think that yours has probably more rape which is like you know you guys have baked that into your system a little more. It's standard. No it's one of those Britain has the same thing but I'm telling you this guy's not getting out.

Right. So he's in he's not supposed to have life but he's not going anywhere. He's not going to get there. There's loopholes in the law. Ben he's had a few attacks so like every once a while, I don't know if it said that in the wiki. But like basically every like three or four years, it'll be like there was one that five or six criminals like beat up the guards or something to get to him. Like, there's always like a coup to get to get to.

But Carla, even if this was America, Carla would be in jail for life, too. There's no way she would have gotten out. That's not the Canadian system. That's like the prosecutors made like a deal. Like you have that all the time. You know, it's like mafia guys get like the fucking life, the life kind of things killed a bunch of people and then they get like the deal like five years. Yeah. Because what happened was they're like,

we'll never be able to convict Paul without this. And then once they made the deal, they found like a library of videotapes. Probably didn't need that deal. We just waited two more days. We got to have this guy on lock. I know, dude. It's a but yes. So this guy, one of Canada's most notorious serial killers, and you grew up in the area. I mean, like what like is it to the thing like where like people go dress as him on Halloween and do shit like that? Well, do they have T-shirts?

Lena Dunham suggested it. No, I know. But you know, but I'm just like a guy who actually grew up there. Like, do you ever see that? I think they hate them. I go as Ben Bern No, I know, but you know, but I'm just like a guy who actually grew up there. Like, did you ever see that? I think they hate them in Canada. I go as Ben Bernardo, his brother, and I go, we're not the same. I'm a good guy.

I don't know if you've ever read the Bible. It's kind of a Cain and Abel situation. Middle brother. That's like that guy, Johan van der Schlut, who killed Natalie Holloway's brother as just an agent in Hollywood. Yeah. And he looks just like him,

but he doesn't go by the name Van der Schlut. I think he just goes by Schluyt. No, he goes by Vander Schluyt. And a lot of, I, I, I, cause I was familiar with the story. I took a meeting with him. A lot of people didn't know that it was his brother. Yeah.

And I took a meeting with him and I was like, dude, that's his brother. They have the same face. Same face. That's wild. Yeah, it is fucking wild. Yeah, that'd be tough having that guy over top. Although nowadays, nowadays,

I have to say, if you went as Ben Bernardo, not everyone would find it funny and then they would go discover your videos and some of those videos, to be honest with you, I would put them on par with what Paul Bernardo and Hamalka did. What have you-

You have committed crimes against morality, my friend. That's true. You've raked us with your thoughts and to be honest with you, if you went as Halloween to Halloween as Bernardo, What have you committed crimes against morality? My thoughts. And to be honest with you, if you went as Halloween to Halloween as Bernardo, the bigger issue I'd have is that you're culturally appropriating Italian culture where you're not that culture. Yeah, you're appropriating. Murderer culture for Paul Bernardo. You go as Paul Bernardo. Oh, oh, oh.

No face. No face. Yeah. His the Bernardo's face is more like a fucking it's a no face. Yeah. Bernard, no face. Yeah. His the Bernardo's Oh face is more like a fucking it's a rape face on. Yeah. He's got a race. One of a crazy one.

He gets off on violence because who gets off? Are you single? What's your deal? Yeah. I got a girlfriend. Oh, you got a girlfriend. The, uh, you said that one quick. You said that one.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, how many ladies listening to this podcast? Yes. Yeah. I got a girlfriend. I'm fresh in town from Trinidad. He did a Chrissy chaos back at me. Yeah Well, how many ladies listen in his podcast yes, yeah I got a girlfriend fresh in town from to read it. He did a Chrissy chaos back at me. He said yes I'm single. I have a girlfriend. Yeah Yes, I'm single. I have a girlfriend anyway. She's a candidate doesn't count on McCrush. Yeah, she yeah She doesn't ever green card. We don't know if she's gonna make it anyway

What she's done in my basement got the video to yeah, no me and Danny both had chicks in Toronto before he moved here That's now Danny Danny's your partner who looks like Yanis. Yeah Yeah, and he only looks like me because he had glasses on in that sketch. Yeah, it's a good class on the sketch It's got a chubby face more chosen He's a good kid now he also is in New York you guys can do everything together He just keeps going to well, I mean, you know, he's like one of my best friends He's like he just keeps going to Miami like every day. Dude.

Good for him. It's an instinct. He's a Jew. Yeah. He's very Jewish. He's very like, he goes, it's open here. Like a little rat, like, he scurries over there. Yeah, they tend to.

I go come back and make videos and go, dude, I was at the freaking beach today. I went to a club. Like I went to Tampa recently with them and it is fully open. Oh yeah. It's like going back in time. Yeah. It's insane.

Are you doing side splitters down there? Because I canceled my date and they're still promoting me. I canceled side splitters because I may be adding a theater in Tampa that's full 100% occupancy. Let's go for the gold. That's what we just did. They're fucking still promoting it and they're promoting my date. They just tweeted it.

Yeah, well, that's what they... I mean, Comedy Club, they're rats. They just want to take the money. They want you, an unknowing customer to fucking buy the ticket. Then they say they cancel, but they still have your money. And they give it for you for another show that they hope you don't show up to, but they have your cash.

It's a disgusting system. That's dirt. Of course it is. Yeah. Yeah, these guys, well they, we just went to Tampa to perform. Yeah, we did this show with this guy, Dick Masterson, me, Danny and him, and some other people.

And then he did it himself. So he kind of like booked the thing, did the tickets. When was the show? Month ago. Okay, good. It was thing. When was the show? Month ago. OK, good. It was wild. Nervy worthy about. I got a tattoo on stage like people were going to tattoo on. Was it the impractical? Fucking Jackass show.

Do we fucking it was wild. Let's see it. I got a boy's cast tattoo. My podcast. Is that a podcast? That's my podcast. But it's exclusively for the boys that listen to his podcast. Boys cast. I'm going to be be on to Chris can be on to both over both gonna be on soon on your podcast yeah we're gonna do yeah no I was asking just also Amy and you honestly doing a video this is doing a

fucking video this Saturday this Monday to it I'm gonna turn it over that fast turns around Wow cuz I mean you're a Canadian but that is definitely a Mexican immigrant quality right there. So you have earned your fucking green card. Yeah. Cause make no mistake, we were going to call ice after this episode, correct? Yeah.

That was your idea. Yeah, because fucking. Because we can't deal with the competition on the internet. We're going to take them out. Yeah, homeless Pipp is my fucking guy. He has all the power for you. Laws of power, good book. Yeah.

No, we were asking because of the COVID. Have you had the COVID? Probably, yeah. Everyone I know has had COVID and I've been pretty free and loose. Have you had any symptoms of it or you ever like not smell for a year? I went to Tampa, Washington and Austin like in a week and was like rocking out pretty hard and then I went back to Toronto and like had a party with all my friends and I was like, yeah, my body hurts.

But like I wasn't like sure if it was the bender or the COVID. Or the COVID. But everyone I know had it. All of my friends had it. So I'm like, I think my body's just better than theirs. Right, right. Superior. I mean, you got good genes. You're a tall drink of water.

You're skinny. You don't put on a lot of weight, right? No. Well, a little more now than I used to. Yeah. Who could win in a fight? You or Graham K, you think? Is he tough?

Is Graham K tough? It's hard to know because every fucking second comedian does karate now because of your role. Graham K is angry think in a tough is Graham K. Tough Because every fucking comedian does karate now because it's a row Angry, I'll tell you that Graham K. Graham K. He's taking a couple punches in the faces from at the reform school. He was sent to yeah He doesn't feel he's a capital. He's a big Tell you the thing about Canadians. They're tough dude, cause they fist fight. They don't use, they don't cheat. They fist fight.

They won't stab you, but they'll fucking punch you in the face a little bit. They're just tough. Like you go to hammer. They'll have a go, they'll have a go. You want a fucking gold bot. And then when you go outside, when you go to the hammer,

Hamilton, you go to one of those parks. The hammer's wild. Dude, in the hammer, you're going to see 18 to 27 fights from 1 a.m. to 4 a.m. on that little strip. You ever been in the hammer? Of course, dude. I got kicked out of my university residence and I went and lived in hammer for like two months with my boys.

But the hammer is getting gentrified now. The hammer is more like broken. The hammer is getting gentrified. But, dude, can you like so right now in Canada, is it as closed as here are things open and moving along? Yeah, Toronto is like pretty locked down. Comedy is no comedies going on. No, it's done.

Got it. Wow. So I just got I got an Airbnb and like had everyone over and had is no comedies going on. It's done. God, it locked. So I just got it. I got an Airbnb and like had everyone over and had like a party in Toronto. Yeah. Cut all the stuff off. My wife sees it. She's going to go, what the fuck are you hanging out with? But I already had the code.

I got everything canceled because like even little things like my checker, like friends were like, we don't know if we feel comfortable hanging out because Ryan's been like to her and I was like, hell yeah, dude. It's like when Larry David put the Trump hat on. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Fucking do what I don't. They why doesn't the Canadian government give Paul Bernardo and Hamalka just like a heavy viral load. Yes. Of COVID and put it down.

Study them. Just put it out. Is it true that the honest it was saying that the Canadian people already getting the vaccine, the citizens, is that true? It's the opposite. They're not true. Trudeau like screwed up and they're like last in line. They were supposed to though. Initially it was like, we're gonna start vaccinating the country, right?

Yeah, but then they like didn't get any vaccines. So they're like, oh. So nobody has a vaccine in Canada. Yeah, yeah, well. They haven't been fucking Armenia. And yeah, they're like, everyone gets a car and then like they start making cars and Canada's last in line.

And they're like, all right, well, definitely one day for sure. So they're doing the same thing. There's here is like they're giving it to the health care workers and they don't have no one's getting them. Yeah, you see our health care systems better. Hey, yeah, keep saying socialized medicines good. But we got a vaccine and it's going to cost you $14,000 to get it what it is. Yeah, this is crazy. With the Bernardo cases is as

Ryan was saying 26 months after Bernardo submitted a DNA sample Toronto police called him up and said you're a match for the Scarborough rapist bud So get down to prison, eh? Yeah, so what were they doing? Was it the hockey playoffs and they just Wayne Gretzky playing yeah, it's just hockey season like we'll get to this after the play Oh, you want to talk about a piece? You ever see Wayne Gretzky's daughter?

Yeah. Wow. Boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. If she had a cock. Well, people who don't know some golfer to some golfer smashing it. Fucking golf. Yeah, it's funny. The people who don't know that Chrissy's just like a confused bisexual kid. Just look at him and go, oh, I didn't know he was in the cockpit. OK, what can you fucking what can you do? What can you do? He pretends he is but in my opinion we don't know it's just the thing that happens.

It's what it is. You know me but Yannis does jerk off to tranny points. It's happened a few times. Keep me guessing yeah. Female to male I assume? Of course. Of course. Just like a chick with a goatee short short haircut. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you know, I'd like to tell myself it's transport, but it's just guys and wigs. If they start taking hormone shots, I'm out. The more it looks like a guy with lipstick, I'm in. Just a nude dude jerking off to girls. You're like, telling me that's a dude watching girls?

By the way, an old banger, an old banger we did with Jason Rouse is, I'll show you sketch it's old it's called once twice three times a Larry where he's calling up a trans guy he's gone like all right I'm fooled you know put a wig on all right I'm fooled here's a Canadian thing Hamalka took the plea bargain of 12 years which she had one week to accept they gave her a week to just go ahead think about it go down to the coast down there and just think about it and then she confirmed that her husband, then Hamalka said that her husband had raped as many as 30 women, twice as many

as the police suspected for calling, making Canadians giving him the name the happy, happy rapist is a what does that mean? What is going on? I call him the happy rapist. Do they? The press love this guy. They're like Barbie and like whenever, you know, you see like a black kid on the news and they'll be like if this was a white kid You're like, oh fuck off. Then you watch this you're like pretty solid press these two

Roll up for a second because this is Chris's future you start out handsome and you end up looking like the lead singer for the Yeah, you gotta go skinhead in prison though. You never try imagine he goes he's like white power I heard I was supposed to join a gang. Yeah, that's not going to work for you, dude. Yeah. So the other prisoners hate him, too, right? Well, they don't see him, but like they just keep trying to do a coup to kill him. Yeah, right. That guy's food's been shitting for 12 fucking years.

Oh, my God. Yeah. In Canada, England and Wales, certain convicted persons may be designated as dangerous offenders and subject to a longer or indefinite term of preventative detention in order to protect the public. I still in my I still just don't understand Canada, how it's you know, got French parts, English money, but then they're also kind of American. Yeah. And we have it all. Queen. But she doesn't mean anything.

We have a king, Drake, Drizzy, the six. Dude, it doesn't mean any. But I fucking love Canada. How did you guys let France take part of the country? I didn't know France took part of the country. We don't learn about our history. I don't learn. Oh, yeah, because you from a part where you're not French, Canadian at all. You don't know French.

Oh, yeah, we definitely don't learn about French French. Like they don't if you go to Quebec, they don't a lot of places in Quebec. They don't consider themselves Canadian. They're like, I'm Quebec. Yeah, right. They are. Their license plates say I remember in the whole province. And that means like I remember when we didn't have to be part of this. They actually tried to secede from the country.

I've never been multiple times. I was all set to go at the end of 20 at the well, I was going to go in the beginning, I guess, like April or May of 2020. I was going to go to Quebec City just to fucking, you know, because everyone's such a beautiful city. But then the Pandu and he happened. But I really want to go to Quebec City Quebec City is a lot of guys that like that look like they skateboarded 15 years ago or UFC 4 foot 5 look in a fight

I don't fuck that's a two models girls are kind of hot they go. We have a saying friends Don't let friends date French girls Because they're done their trouble dude, but what's the very armpits? No, no, they're like they're fucking they have no souls. OK, they're just I always do. French girls will fucking like they'll have three boyfriends at once. And like none of them will know. French rules, they go by French.

Yeah, we were saying this the other day. You can in France if you cheat on your spouse, but if you just have sex with them, it's like not a crime. It's like that relationship will not break up for that. That's what we, somebody, I think Gad Elmaly may have told me that. One of my favorite lines in a movie is that movie with Ben Stiller where Hank Gazari

is playing that French dude. Oh, he shouldn't have been doing that voice by the way. You're on the other. Yeah, Hank Gazari is on notice. He goes, you can't do that here. You can't just fuck my wife. This isn't France. There's rules here.

Yeah, Ruben Cepha. Yeah. Sorry, Rubin. He's always got a fucking Ben Stowe's always got a sick name in a movie. I got a good suffer that he's gay Lord fucker. Yeah, he's just always I got a question because this is interesting to me Canada Quebec. This was Quebec, right? So it was Mike, what's his name? What was it? Not Mike Wilmot. He's an old Toronto comedian. But somebody was like Ward, Mike Ward. Yeah.

So this happened in Quebec. So he made a joke about some person in the news who was disabled or whatever. Yeah. And he didn't get, we're not talking about a civil suit. He was criminal human rights tribunal. It was the human rights tribunal. He go to jail for that criminally hundred thousand dollar fine. So it was just a fine

But it was a criminal charge. No, it's not a criminal charge. It's a civil charge. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know what those mean The difference is the money one One of those two is money the money was civil so it's not as bad as I thought so it wasn't a criminal charge No, the you know 100 K. Yeah Here's the thing though like so Mike Ward. Yeah, basically made this joke. There you go Mike Mike Ward made a joke about this person and it's like so, you know, we don't have free speech in Canada, right? So it's like, you know You say these things and they that's like what the Jordan Peterson thing like originally was all about is like the trans language that you

Can go to jail for blah blah, right? Wait a second you going over that quick. A lot of our people don't know this This is very interesting shit. I assume the hyenas fans are fucking. And let's see how dumb they are. Yeah. Yeah, we got we got fucking doctors. He was hot for a second. No moment. He was like his first three like Rogan's like when when he came back again, you're like we got it. But for a second, he was here.

The problem here. The problem. Yeah. You know, when JP gets some testosterone in your fucking body, I felt like the moment where he lost it, like, cause he was on the fucking, you know. And then at one point he goes, Kavanaugh should probably just step down. That would be the good move. And the internet went crazy.

They're like, you piece of shit, you turned on us. And then the next day he goes, I think I was wrong. He shouldn't step down. And they're like, oh, they own you now. And I felt like that was kind of the- So what happened with Jordan Peterson? Tell the fans just so everybody knows. No, no, this isn't, he shouldn't step down. And they're like, oh, they own you now. And I felt like that was kind of the- So what happened with Jordan Peterson? Tell the fans just so everybody knows. No, no, he just said it.

I just used it as a reference for like, it's the same, all the same stuff, it's they don't have free speed. Don't breeze over this. So explain to us what's going on. So it's like, it is illegal to say certain things. Like actually- So they were making a law that's essentially,

and at first the argument against, okay, so they're making a law that's essentially enough first the argument against okay So making a law that it's illegal to misgender So so a teacher if you were in their class for example, and you're like, you know I'm a she now and you're like, okay, dude, like bam You can get fined for that and you go to the human rights tribunal and a lot of times they go Oh, these people are overreacting because it never you know, they never actually do it and you're like, yeah for like a couple years Then they start doing it It's of and then Jordan Peterson's whole like thing was he goes it's one thing if you want to make me uh tell me something I can't say

but they're telling you something you have to say right so that was you know the forced language was kind of his like so this is this is something that became very popular so this is something they're talking about doing they haven't done it no they did it that went through the fight Jordan Peterson was fighting, he lost and it went through. Wow, so in Toronto or in Canada anywhere, dude, Toronto's like New York, that's wild that you're in a place that,

so if you're, so if there's a, yeah, if I just joke and someone takes it the wrong way, they claim I misgendered them, there's a case? And I can get to it? Yeah, I think it's more about like, you know, like for example, it's illegal to deny the Holocaust in Canada, right? Right.

So I did a few, I'd usually do like about a couple of weekends a year for that. Weekends, you guys have weekends here? Yeah. Where you can go to jail and just do the weekends, but. No, you go to jail for the weekends? Yeah, you don't, I think, so you don't have that? No, we need.

You know, it used to be always the joke, like, telling girls, like, you know, can we meet during the week? I'm doing weekends right now. So you just, you're out of prison for the week and then only in on the weekend. So you told her to what the prison? No. I have done like a couple of nights, but you can do jail where it's like, if you get like a couple of months, so it doesn't like get fired from your job and all that

stuff, you can choose to just do weekends and you check in like Friday. What? And you just go in jail for Friday to Sunday. Jesus Christ. And then you're out Monday morning going to work. You're with the family and then you go to the weekend, play some cards with the boys for a couple days. I mean Canada's frank as fuck.

What a fun fucking country. If you're gonna fucking break the law, just fucking go to Canada and have at it, guy. You catch up with some of the boys. But the judge has to, like you have you have it's like petty crimes that get this yeah you don't get it so so Mike Ward what he did but he's doing a full life again Mike Ward got a hundred grand fine and it was you know he's a pretty big star so like it's fine for him and he can afford it and he got it you know it

ended up like some things become a big publicity thing or whatever. He's fine. The problem is it's happened to a lot of people that aren't fucking Mike Ward. Like there's some guy that was in Edmonton and he's essentially like a fucking open mic or right. And then he was calling some girl a cunt in the audience and some shit like that. She sued him. He lost like she got like a forty thousand dollar suit.

Like this guy fucking makes you know makes ten real money What's the Canadian tire money? Yeah I went to Edmonton. I just shown Edmonton. I was crappy tire. They call Lars the comedian Lars. Yeah, yeah, Lord Oh, no, is it a Caillou K. Ooh something like that Lars. He's a big He lives in America. Yeah, but fucking Lars. Yeah, we were in Canadian tire and. And I remember he was like, yeah, dude, like there's just I give you Canadian Tire money. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? He was like, you know, it's money can only be used in this place called the Canadian Tire or strip clubs. Yeah. Yeah.

You have some balls to drop. It's basically like what do you have that would have fake money like that? Chuck E. Cheese. Call it Chuck E. Cheese. Yeah. Say Chuck E. Cheese money. Yeah. But I like how like the dollar in Canada, Monopoly is a fucking coin. Right. L. It's like Chuck E. Yeah, saying Chuck E. Cheese money, yeah. But I like how like, cause the dollar in Canada, the Loonie is a fucking coin, right? Loonies and Toonies.

Loonies and Toonies, but they're coins. So it's like in strip clubs, what do you just fucking hurl coins at girls? Yeah, some do, it gets you kicked out. Yeah. Oh my God. You do it weekend. You get kicked out, do it weekend.

You do it fucking weekend. You do not wanna drop the bucket on their head, yeah. This is crazy to learn about that. Like you can get sued for saying something. It's not a suit. It's the human rights tribunal. So, you know, like the ADL here, like Anti Defamation League. And they put you on some hit list and there's a bunch of like these guys are fucking retarded. You know what I mean? So the ADL is like terrible. We have the human rights tribunal.

But imagine your ADL was like run by your government. Right. Wow. That's scary. It's very scary. That's why I get United States at some point. I mean, it's already kind of here like I do. Why did I have this one Holocaust

denomination newspaper? And that's why I had to move here. Really? I was going to say like because I hear that fucking I hope the part that I think it was eight million people that died. I'm with the opposite of a denier.

Yeah, you're I think the narrative is denying people that died, dude. I'm fucking, I'm, what's the opposite of a denier? Yeah. You're a prophet. I think the narrative's denying how many died, yeah. Yeah, well, yeah. So, so let me, if you make a joke in a comedy club about the Holocaust and say you're a Holocaust denier, what happens? It's tough, dude.

Like it's, I'm sure in print it's tougher, but like what happened to Mike Ward is this guy was such a big story and then the Mike Ward thing became such a big story because the guy was famous. And his defense was this kid's famous now. I should be able to make fun of him. Basically, what happened was it's kind of a hard like when you hear the joke at a context, it does kind of feel hard.

But basically what happened was the kid was supposed to die. Did a big make a wish thing. Got all this stuff. Didn't die. And then Mike Ward was kind of like our fucking die already. Or was some version of that horrible. It's like the the kid who got the kids like he's like he looks if you see the way he looks it's like Google on Benetia. Google Mike Ward. The kid looks rough. Like when you see him you go, ah, it's kind of mean. If they show you say, I don't know, Mike Ward controversy. But when you see the photo of this guy and you're like, you know, this guy, Mike Ward tells this guy to die. And then you see the photo. You're like, kind of mean. Yeah. Yeah. But he said

it in a comedy comedy context. Something rough. It's not a crime to say something mean. Yeah. It is. Yeah. That's, that's, that's where you're wrong. That's where it gets, that's where it's really immoral because yeah, yes. Shreer Treacher Collins syndrome, yeah, which is not Phil Collins syndrome where you can play sec. Drums.

Yeah, so that is a little mean. But the guy, the kid got famous though. The kid got famous. Uh, well, this was like a very famous story. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

So kids, so I mean, yeah, I mean, that's, that's why it was tough. Yeah, that's why it's a brutal thing, but, uh, you know, it's, uh, yeah, it's jokes. Yeah. Yeah. So kids, so I mean, yeah, I mean, that's why it was tough. Yeah, that's why it's a brutal thing. But, you know, it's yeah, it's jokes. Yeah. But one thing, you know, he could have made this joke and been like, went home himself, be like, I don't know if I, you know, I felt about that one. That was a lot, but it's it's out there and then they killed him on it. And then he has to, you know, live and live and die by it.

I mean, he didn't say anything like in our country, you got to like. To get sued, but for libel, you got to say something earnestly that's not true. You got to be like, you know, you got to like to get sued. But for libel, you got to say something earnestly. That's not true. You got to be like, you know, you got to be like, yeah. But you're talking about the courts again. This isn't courts. Yeah, this is some sort of human tribunal. Yeah, dude, this is that's very Orwellian.

AOC had like a fucking task force. Right. Like if you said some bad shit, which we're we could. We could have. Yeah, dude. Like again, like this didn't exist forever. Yeah, this is new. So what what's the public opinion in Canada on this? You think the public it's the same as here, where half the people are like, yeah, this does bullshit. Half the people are like, good.

If anything, it's not like not enough. Yeah. Put them all in jail. Yeah. The people that are against this, like for free speech or whatever, they have to be more silent. Like, no, they say silent majority here, but you're like, you guys aren't that silent. They're like silent majority. It's like you're yelling and screaming with the Trump flag.

You're like, fucking Trump. Silent majority. No, it's an active majority, but they're just not represented in universities and TV and whatever, but they're not. Where in Canada, they actually have to be silent. Like if someone's into Trump and they'll like, yeah, the family gathering, it's very like,

shh, come to the attic. Let me show you something. If somebody calls you a straight white male piece of shit, or like, you know. I would say, I am not straight. Can you go to prison for that? No. So that's open game. and say, I am not straight. Can you go to prison for that? No, no. So that's open. That's open game.

Yeah. Everything at the white. If you're straight and white, you just have no rights. It's just what it is. Yeah. Only minorities like women. Yeah. Such an oppressed minority. Women.

Women. You guys have been with men the whole way through. Yeah. You know, yeah, it's just. Wonder Woman, 84. Canada appropriates the American stuff. We didn't force you guys to work in coal mines or go hunt your food.

How oppressive before technology came for us to do that, how oppressive were men before the Industrial Revolution that we asked you to stay at home and raise the babies while we risked our lives to get black lung to move civilization forward? And now fucking oppressive. I want to be a CEO. Yeah. Yeah. The jobs are easy. Now that you fucking work now that you can wear high heels, you can wear stilts to work. I want to walk there and sit at a desk before I am on camera

with what Janice just said. I want to clarify that what Janis meant to say was white lung. I wanted to, I meant to say... It's not called black lung and that's horrible. Put me on fucking notice. I deserve it. You're on notice. It's called white lung. Look at me and put me on notice. You're on notice for calling it fucking African American lung.

You know it's straight white male Caucasian piece of shit lung if it's causing damage to your airways. Okay, ready? Yes. You want to do it again and I'll Tom. Is there anyone uglier than NBA Commissioner Adam Silver? No, I find him actually kind of intriguing. Yeah, he looks horrifying. No, I think he's a he's a tall drink of water. And I appreciate him. He's got baby glasses. Yeah, it looks like the guy who tried to kill frame

Roger Rabbit. Yeah, he looks like a villain. No question. Yeah. Yeah. So Ryan, who's this lady? Where you see that? This is where it gets confusing. What's his gender? We did this on weapon marriage father of three wear skirts heels to work because he can't because he can't work. Work it. Yeah.

And he's fucking Jack, too. Yeah. All that stuff. You're just like, yeah, I mean, sure. Do you imagine? Do you imagine? Because this is in England. could you imagine going and doing your weekends like this like during the week or a guy and then You come to fucking strut into jail like that You know it's funny is like I mean you'd be doing those weekends with those heels behind your fucking shoulders pretty soon You know the crazy thing. I don't think I raped at weekends. That'd be tough

You go to weekends and they rape you you don't think I raped at weekends. That'd be tough. You go to weekends and they rape you, you're like, really? I raped at weekends? Fuck, man. I just fucking broke graffiti on a bus. The United States is actually a horrifying place to live then, with the threat of prison, where it's like, you could go to Canada and just go to jail for the weekend. Yeah, but you could also be fined $300,000 for saying cunt.

So that's tough. Yeah, that's true, too. Because sometimes people do cut you off in traffic. It's usually Chinese or women. Well that's why we need everyone out there to go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys so we can start paying these fines. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys

where all the content's at. Where can people find you, Ryan? Oh yeah, every Monday I release a video at youtube.com slash Ryan Long Comedy and all my Instagrams, Twitters, everything Ryan Long Comedy. That's where everyone's coming out this Monday. And my podcast is The boys cast with Ryan Long. First podcast exclusively for the boys, iTunes, Spotify and also YouTube.

Com. So that's Ryan Long Comedy. Beautiful. And he's got a patron as well, right? Yeah. Patreon.com slash the boys cast. Yeah. Go check out a new podcast. Come out there like a couple of times a month to Ryan Long. Talk of the town, man. All the comics are buzzing about all his new videos. So go check them out man I just did a fucking hilarious support immigrants by you know

He's a dreamer. Yeah, I moved here. Well, everyone said like everyone Americans racist So I moved here to get in on the action Yeah, we're happy you're here we get in trouble We're gonna go to jail in Canada for me saying trans women are trans women. You're going to get extra day crime in Canada. Yes. What else also is beautiful is patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Go there, tell your friends.

History, IE is dot com. We fucking named our podcast after a trans animal. That's how much we have the most trans fans. Absolutely. This is what I've always said. I bought an apartment because they did a trans character. I love trans people. Absolutely. And we have the most trans fans. Absolutely. This is what I've always said. I bought an apartment because they did a trans character. I love trans people. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. There's 72 genders, which means that men are better than 71 genders. The only thing we need to know. Glad to hear that. Yeah, historyanis.com. Check us out. We got a lot of merch going up. I got to show January 16th. Soul Joles Comedy Club Royce for Pennsylvania.

Get Tiki Wikis. Maybe Yanni's gonna come and we'll cut his dick off. Who knows? And remember guys, tell friends. That's the thing. That's what it is. Keep posting in the stories. We repost.

We appreciate you guys spreading the word. That's how the Hyena clan keeps growing. Keeps going. And if you're white, you have privilege, fuck you. And thanks for having me, dudes. Honestly, I was telling you guys before, but like you two are the most people that kind of push my stuff in

America that my normal cool friends Yeah, like that I went to like play in the bands with and yeah went to college with like dudes They're just like just a fucking G works some normal job. Yeah, you know the fucking high, you know, dude They listen to our shit on the weekends. Yeah When they're in prison, yeah, thank you bro isn't radio. Appreciate it. Ryan Long Comedy, check him out. Yah!