History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Secrets to a successful lesbian marriage w Jordan Carlos | History Hyenas

Episode Date: March 25, 2026

🔥 On this bonus episode of *History Hyenas*, Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas are joined by the hilarious Jordan Carlos to talk about his new book on how husbands can step it up, make their wives happy, and maybe—just maybe—save their marriages 💍 Jordan drops real gems (and some hard truths) about relationships, communication, and why most guys are out here doing the absolute wrong thing 😂 The boys mix in their usual wild takes, personal stories, and some brutally honest marriage advice you didn’t know you needed. If you’ve ever been in a relationship, thinking about one, or currently in the doghouse… this episode is for you. #HistoryHyenas #JordanCarlos #MarriageAdvice #Relationships #ComedyPodcast #ChrisDistefano #YannisPappas Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://store.historyhyenaspod.com Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This time of year, the school calendar really starts to fill up, spring activities, testing season, and that final push toward the end of the year. It's a great moment for kids to stay focused and build confidence in what they're learning. That's where Iexel comes in. I Excel is an award-winning online learning platform that helps kids truly understand their schoolwork, from math and reading to writing and science. It's designed for pre-K through 12th grade, with personalized interactive content that adapts to each child's level and pace. I Excel makes it easy to stay on track with instant feedback and clear explanations, skills organized by grade level, and simple progress tracking. It fits into even the busiest spring schedules. It's also trusted nationwide. In fact, Iexel is used

in 96 of the top 100 school districts in the U.S. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get Iexel now. Listeners can get an exclusive 20% off Iexel membership when they sign up today at Iexel.com forward slash today. Visit Ixel.com forward slash today to get the most effective learning program out there at the price. All right, guys, welcome to the Patreon. Listen, we got our boy Jordan Carlos coming on the show. I'm going to tell you this right now. This episode's not for everybody.

Okay? We already know some people may say it's a snoozer. Some people may call them a big dyke. It's things that we've already said to him. So just know that we've M&M this shit already. And there's nothing you can say to them that we already did say to him. What I'd like to say is if you have kids and you're married, maybe you want to take a listen. If you don't have kids and you're not married, it may not be pertinent to you.

But listen, it may be someday if you decide to have children. It's what it is because, yeah. I mean, he's an educated man. He went to Brown. Yeah. His dad was a doctor. Yeah. Mom was a college professor.

Yeah. And the episode is just what you think. And we want to see your, we do want to see your Patreon names. When this episode comes out, we do want to see how you combine Jordan Carlos and Big Mike. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of history hyenas, but you already knew that because you're tuned in. Because you're here. You're tuned in.

ready to go. You're tuned in and we're going to tune you up. That's our new motto now. If we see history, I ain't his fans in the street and you notice Yanni or I, we want to have a little tune up. We'll have Nick film it. And we want to see which one of our fans can throw the best hands. And we'll be willing to get knocked unconscious to find our best fighting fan. That is, I don't endorse that at all. Yeah, it's not what we're trying to do at all. Just say hi and ask for a picture. Yeah, it's what it is. And when you see this guy in the street, don't punch him in the face. Jordan Carlos, everybody. But I'm very punchable.

The glasses are very punchable. Guys, let me tell you something. As soon as you walked in, what did I say? Said you look Svelte. You are in tip-top, rock and shape. You got what we call an R-H-B, a rocking hot bod. How are you so hot now? What are you doing?

Are you on peptides? Have you seen my wife? No, she's not like gorgeous. She's like a 10, and so I have to keep up. You know that I punch way above my weight. 100%. But you, I remember, I remember, you know, when we were neighbors, a couple of years, go, you weren't in this kind of shape.

I wasn't in this kind of shape. I just, I think it was probably because of COVID. I wanted to get in shape. I almost got divorced. And so most guys get in shape because they're headed towards divorce. And I was like, what can I do to kind of like write the boat? And definitely, yeah, you're embarrassing me, but I, I'm in shape. You're like, oh, I'm doing a set up or two.

You're like, I'll get hot. The first thing you notice is just what a guy looks like. That's what it is. I don't even notice. I didn't even, he just looked like Jordan goes. You're going right away. You're checking. Yeah.

You walk in your size, you know, if you see him, what kind of, you want to know how he's doing it. He's a 32 waist now. Yeah. Well, maybe he's at 34 because he's got a nice big butt. You can't escape the African part. But I'm going to tell you, it is 30. I can squeeze into it 32. Wow.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I knew this, this is where the conversation would go. I knew 34, 36, Jordan. I don't know 32. You go around guessing people's waistlines? That's what I do. That's one of my talents, yeah.

He's got his eyes all over you. Yeah. If you're in. Chris's presence, he's got, and you're a guy, he's got his eyes all over. See, Janice, Janice, I know is a 36, 38, but he likes to squeeze into a 34. He likes to walk around like a Dominican guy. You're right about that. Dominican's like to squeeze into jeans that are too small for them.

You're 100% right, right? Did I nail it? You nailed it. I'm a 36 right now, but I'm squeezing into a 34 because I refuse to buy the 36. See? And I have, I have promised myself and to keep lying to myself, I'm going to get back down. What I'm doing is I'm just, now I'm just got a best. belt so I leave it unbuckled, but the belt keeps it closed. The belt keeps a close. I mean,

I honestly lost weight because I was too cheap to buy new clothes. Right. Like that was a big deal. Coles are fucking expensive. Now what's the workouts? What are we doing? Uh, the split? You want to know the split? Take the regimen. What's the diet? What are we doing? Okay, so I do, I do kettlebells like, um, every other day and between that, I do like yoga. So it's like yoga, kettlebells. I love, uh, have two 30s. Um, not trying to brag. Yeah. I want to do more, but I can't. I have like a bird body, dude. I want to do more. But the diet is where it's at.

You're eating good. What are you eating good? I'm eating. You look like a vegetarian, hud. I'm not. Why are you putting that slander out there? Yeah, and look at, he's ripped, dude. That's true.

Jordan's the type of guy. What is happening? Jordan looks like the guy who cracks open in New York Times in the morning has a coffee. But he's the kid who will absolutely hurt you if you get on the wrong hot. Oh, yeah, because he knows like Jiu-Jitsu or something like that. Something like that. He just hurt you. Your followers are crazy.

They'll come after me in the comments. They will not. Once you're on, once you're in with us, you're in with us. All right. I'm just making sure because it'd be like, I'm challenging this guy right now to the octagon. In front of the White House. Let's fucking go. No, I usually do watercress, which is like I saw these, I guess they're Chinese people eating it at like the grocer.

Like this guy's old guy was eating it. What do you mean you guessed they're Chinese? I think they're Chinese. What's your idea? We and my family call it the Koreans. Right. Yeah. We go to the Koreans because we're.

We're pretty sure what we heard was Korean, but we think that the man that works in the store is Chinese. Right. So they're pretending to be Korean? No, no, no, no. There's an old man who works in the store. We believe is Chinese. Got it.

Amongst the Koreans. Based on our intelligence that we've together. Are you even allowed to do that? I don't know. I don't know. We asked him and we asked ladies like what he's eating and they were like, don't. We're not going to talk about that. And so we're like, oh, okay.

Interesting. So now I'm really interested. The thing that Asians are really good at is staying in shape. Except for one that I can think of. Bobby Lee. Well, King Jong-un. King, Jun-un. You just can't keep his shape.

Yeah. Each according to his need, according to his ability. And his need is to eat like a fat fuck. So you're saying you eat watercress? Watercress is really great. That's it? It's watercress. That's the base of, I mean, because I'm in my 40s, you're in your 40s.

Yes. You're in your 40s. You know, we got everything has to be, every vegetable has to be liquefied. So, you know, like, I put, that at the base of the smoothie. It's really good. It keeps the wang up. It's very good. It's very good at burning the calories. It's really great. And they eat it in the blue zones of the world. But you can't just have smoothies all day. What else do you eat? A lot of chicken. So it's like chicken, brown rice, and then... Grilled chicken. Grilled chicken. God grill it. Yeah. But see, I know

but we know where you live. We won't give it away. But what about the pizza in your neighbor? You don't eat the pizza anymore? Why are you doing this to me? Yeah. Yeah, of course I eat the pizza. It's Little Frankies every Friday. That's a tradition. Little Frankies every Friday. Yeah. So we go in for the honeymoon. Shout out to Little Frankies.

Shout out of Little Frankies. Yeah. Where I look, 71st Street. Don't forget about Nonos too. No-Nos is good. Nose is great. Cepinian and bacon slice. Yeah.

Vesuvios is amazing. Ginos. Gnos. Gino's, pizza wagon. All of them. We don't want to leave anybody out. Yeah. Like, it's the closest to the house.

Yeah. See, that's where you will get hurt if you leave out one of these pizza rooms. Don't worry about our fan. Somebody don't worry about you don't. You don't represent pizza wagon. What the fuck is wrong with you? They may see you out there. Compagna.

Yeah. Give a shot to Compania. Yeah. How about I stick some watercress up your ass? What was I trying to say? Watercress. Yeah, watercress. And then I was trying to, I was like, did I leave out any?

Rockies. Rocky and Nickies. That's, I was like, did I leave out of pizza really? I could leave that one out. I don't mind Rocky and Nicky's. You can leave it. On Colonial? You can leave it out.

Yeah. Yeah. It's not. Rocky and Nickies is what you used to call that. Remember, you used to have a name for that. emergency slice oh that was called the emergency that was only one like yeah that's an emergency yeah yeah that's so true

yeah you don't seek out rocky and nick i know we settle for it yeah we can just go to rock yeah emergency slice yes so pizza that's the key pizza once a week not once every three hours like us no just once a week um yeah on Fridays and just follow what your kids do so my kid just wants pizza on Friday because what I was doing was like laundering a lot of food

through them. Right. Like, who wants ice cream? These kids aren't even talking about that ice cream. I know that. Right. They aren't talking about it. You want ice cream. I want it. Yeah. I should just say, I want ice cream. Like, because I'll take my kids, I talk about this in the book. I'm like, Fun Dad. I'll be like, who wants to go to Serendipity 3? They're like, we live in Bay Ridge, bro. Yeah. You want to go to Serendipity 3? That's over by, that's like 61st and first. Yeah. And I will hop in the car. I'm like, if I even see a nod or like, there was a twinkle in your eye, let's all going right now. Now, I never thought of it that way. That's smart. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So this book, Chor Plate, this is about, these are marriage saving, this is marriage saving, magic. Yeah. And it's the marriage saving magic getting your head of your ass. The forward is by Charlamine the God. The same. Who also like got his act together and stayed in a relationship, right? Yeah. You said you almost got divorced. What happened? Yeah. How close did you get? We got really, really close. It was just like, you know, we were talking about what co-parenting would be like, like having that kind of talk. Whoa, you got to. But it was, it was COVID, man. And when, like, everybody was home. We weren't working. You know. You know what I'm saying?

It was like, and when the tide goes out, you see the rocks, right? So that's what we saw in our relationship. I was home, but I was kind of like a stranger in my house, more like a visitor. I didn't know where anything was. I was like, where the fucking scissors? You know, where's the tape? Where's this and that? She's like, you don't know these things because you're never here and you don't invest in the home.

And I was like, I bought the house. You know, like, so that didn't go. Yes. Wow. Hold that one. Yeah, yeah. Well, invest is the wrong word. I mean, you know, like theoretically I did invest in home because I'm the one to put the down payment.

you're like lady i bought the house which really it's great between us yeah sounds great yeah but when you're in the huddle with the girl it's not it just does it somehow those rules go out the window well you realize money is the last i mean money is like the most meaningless thing it's like i yes i pay for my home too but i don't know the first thing about running it it is without her i it'd be a fucking on fire absolutely and so it's like that's what the book was about i we i was also front row to a divorce in my family and i was like man i can't i can't i can't go to that though great seats yeah I also theoretically was front row to it too through a friend but

I felt like Jack Nicholson I was like yeah I was like Spike Courtside it was nice Yeah those there's photos of you at the garden Yep that I was there That kind of situation was what was going on And I was like and you know about this I remember those yeah yeah and I was like I was like

That's it ain't gonna be me Yeah so and then I looked at the price And I was like it ain't gonna me me like and I actually I love her you know what I'm saying so it's like all right So I was like, okay, what can I do? Little things. I don't want to do anything big or radical or anything like that. Did you think like post-nup?

Did that go? Were you at that stage? We're like, how do I bring that up? Like, we- That's where I'm at. We were talking. I'm like, how do I float that one? You know, it's just make it easier.

Just in case. Just in case. Just in just. J-I-C. I kid, I kid. I kid. No, no, no. I totally feel you, man.

Because there's some days they're better than others and like you get to that edge. Right? So like with the, with wife. we were talking about all the kind of like serious grown-up stuff that you have to do. And then I realized I was like, well, maybe what if I didn't do that? What if there were some things I could change? Because we've been to therapy, out of network therapy. And I was like, out of network therapy, the price of that, give me divorce.

Right. Like I was like, I was like, what can I change? So I had this buddy, Hugh. Sorry to name him on air like this. He's Canadian. So it's already suspect. But like he just, he makes coffee for his wife every morning. Right.

And the women in that neighborhood are like, oh my God. he makes coffee forever. He's a good guy. He's the bad. And I was like, okay, do you, like, grind the beans? Are you making a latte? Do you, like, make her face in the foam? And he's like, Fulgers, bro.

Fulgers crystals at 7.15 every morning. And I was like, that's a low bar. I can do that. Yeah. But I can't because I was a comedian who woke up at 11 a.m. Right. And I was like, but once I got that done, then the floodgate started. And, like, as a comic, it was a riff.

Yeah. If I can do this, then I can do that. Then I can do this. Right. So you actually took his advice and started making her call. coffee. Yes. And she was grateful. Yes. Huh. You know what's crazy? You know what's wild? Look at your face? I don't even realize. I make jazz coffee every day. I make

her coffee every day. But then I also DM Brazilian prostitutes. Wherever there's a yin, there's a yin. In general and primary. General. I was like, wow, this guy's playing with fire out of it. Okay. Dude, I'm going to try that move. I'm gonna wake up tomorrow. I'm gonna make my wife coffee. Yeah. And I'm gonna stand there and go, eh? No, no. Don't do that part. Don't do that part. You just got you. I can't say, all right, now you're my slave for the day. Yeah. It didn't you serve it. I feel like you got to, you got to be like, you know, you got to give yourself out of boys, which I wasn't doing. And like, just, just like, congratulate yourself. Because a lot of the book is about like mothering too. Like I was like,

okay, I got a great relationship with my mom. But I think what I did was somewhere along the line. I try to substitute when I got married. I was like, I made my wife into a mom kind of figure. You know what I'm saying? Cleaning up after me, telling me when to go to bed, all this stuff, telling me when to get a haircut. And what happened to me being like a grown-ass man? So I was like, if I can kind of like get away from that, that situation,

and ask myself, what are my standards? What are my standards of cleanliness? What do I want? Then you're better off. Yeah, smart question. Was there anything she needed to do? Or is it just always what we have to do. My wife's a fucking angel.

Is it just like, did she write a fucking book? Yeah. Where's her book? Isn't she? Where's her fucking book about what she should have done? She did write a PhD as a wife. Your book should be here. You meet her here with her, your book.

And then her book should be right here about the things she needs. Well, that's the thing. Her book would be a PhD. And he's like, look at it. Joy's like, look at my book, everybody. Look at your cover. It's read. And she's like, this is my dissertation.

I actually proved something. It's ever been before. I just think it's so funny. The guy put the effort in, wrote the book, and the woman's probably going like, bro. Yeah. And where's she,

there needs to be another volume. No, there's the second volume. You miss this and you miss that. You miss this and you miss that. She did tell me that. She did tell me that I missed some things in there. But that was the first time I ever got,

like, and it was very long and coming, but I got her actual respect, which was crazy. Right. So like, so, I mean, she's a PhD.

She's very smart lady. And I do think, the only thing that had to change with her was like, now I'm helping out. around the house. You can't say like you always anymore. You can't say that shit. But once we got past that, then it was all right. Like I went away. I was doing a gig in L.A. I come back. She was like, I actually missed you. And I was like, thanks, babe. Because before I would leave and she'd be like, we're fine. You know what I'm saying? Because we're independent. We don't need you. She's like,

I missed you because of the stuff that you were doing around the house. And the stuff I was doing around the house is very minimal. It's like cleaning up my mess. She asked me to clean the house. All she said was like clean up your pile. Like, I mean, I know I look like. I look like a neat kind of guy, right? Like smooth-skinned, and you're looking at me again. Yeah. So the- But I know from God called you're a dirty piece of shit.

But I have piles of clothes. Yeah. I feel like you're neat. Do you have, no, Janus is not neat. You get some mess? I, um... Yonis never has a clean ass. You know, I'm listening to you kind of intently because I'm trying to get some advice

because I think you're kind of right. I think I have gotten a little comfortable. Yeah. And I think like I just throw shit. Like, I used to be very neat. Yeah. And then we got married and then I just throw shit. And then she picks it up.

And then she complains about that a lot. And in my mind, I'm thinking like, what's the big deal? But you're right. Maybe, yeah, maybe I'm doing the mother thing a little bit. Yeah. It's like, don't make her into your mother. You know what I'm saying? When you got with her, that's not what she was about.

So, like, so for me, like, I just got really selfish. And I just started doing my own laundry, things like that. And it feels good. I do my laundry. I put it away. And at the beginning, I didn't even do, like, other people's laundry. I didn't do my kids laundry. I just did mine.

and she was definitely happy about it. So I could have stopped there. But like, I just was like, it was an organic thing of helping out more. And this improved the relationship. Smashing. Smashing all the time now. You're doing that thing like I...

Smashing me and you guys are banging all this. Yes. Yeah. I didn't know. Can we say that? Yeah. I mean, I make love. You know, I definitely...

I mean, look at me. I make love. I'm like smashing. I think I said smashing gun with the hard G. You know me guys smashing all the time? You got to smash at you. No, yeah. I don't.

I have a nice squeeze and a squash. Yeah. Oh, you're a squeezer. I'm a squeezer. I have to check on how she's doing the whole time. Now, would you do that thing where initially you would do something and do it wrong? So she would then be like, you know what? I see your effort, but you're doing it wrong.

I'll do it, honey. On to them Tom Sawyer's shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Weaponized incompetence? Yeah, yeah. All the time. Yeah. All the time.

All the time. I couldn't cook. I couldn't make the pasta. No way. So now you do all that. You even cook now? I can easily done. Easily done.

But it was a slow progression. I had to be like, I want to do these things for me. Like I was at, you know what? Here, I'll tell you this. I was in a class. And it was like one of those F-45 classes. Oh, I've been taking that. I've been going to that gym, dude.

That's amazing. Is that part? Will I look like you? Chris, you already look great. Yes, but I want to be a lean black man. Is F-45? will F-45 make me a spelt gorgeous? I mean, you look like Edress Elba right now.

What the fuck? It's the lighting, bro. It's the lighting. Chris's edible has officially been. That's what's going on. Dude, F-45 is the best. F-45 is the best. But in it, they're always like doling out compliments, right?

Like, way to go, Doug. Good job, Jane. And you're like, do me next, you know? Yeah, yeah. I remember I was doing some move and at like a voice down deep. Because I like to take a little T. see before I work out just so I don't get over the fucking whatever voices. Smoke it or do a little edible?

What do you do? And Eddie, so that that way, like, at my age, it got fog brain, so I forget that I took it. And then I'm like, I'm a really nice guy. Take a little bite, a little microse. No, you took an edible stupid. So, like, that's, yeah, so then down deep, a voice came out and was like, do you see you? Because I was like, does the instructor see me? But I was like, do you see you?

And that was the first time I'd ever in my life wanted to like, you know, be like, look at myself. Sure. And have my own approval. So I think that's like, that's definitely been the process for me. Yeah. And then when you get the body confidence, you get more confidence like in your life. Because we deal with so much, you know, rejection and comedy and things like that that's like, that can just batter at the confidence. So like, what the fuck was I doing?

Like I had to work on that, you know? Do you still do F-45? No, I've switched to, I've switched to core power, which I like. Core Power yoga. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it kind of like meshes both of them together. Right. And I like, and it's like, it's just me.

And then like usually a guy who's dragged there by his girlfriend who's going to pass out. Yeah. And I'm like, you get ready, buddy. I got you. I got the water on your pulse points. Don't worry. Dude, I got to start doing yoga. We all got to start doing yoga, right?

How great is yoga? Yoga is also good for the mind. Yeah. Good for trauma? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's good for the mind. The Eastern, they really figured it out.

Yeah, the Chinese, Eastern, Eastern Hemisphere knows what's up. Chinese. We think they're We think they're sicker them. They have figured out. The watercress people. I mean, yes. And it's cheap.

It's only $1.50 a pound. Whoa. What supermarket do you go to in Bay Ridge? Super fresh is too much. Yeah, it's too much. Too much. Too much. Too Buku. So we go to like, I usually, I mean, and this is also in the book, I Instacart it from

Costco baby. Bebebibibio. I'm not sure. I don't have a brand partnership. No. But like I do the Instagram because that also helps out. Because I was a slob before who just wouldn't go. because wife would be like, go go to the grocery store for the night time.

And I just wouldn't do it. So now I do an Instacart. It's a lazy man's way of doing it. Doing it. Yeah. And you know what, man, not picking up after yourself all these things, even for us, all his fathers, then our kids, sometimes when I'm like, why are my kids messy? It's like, well, because I'm messy.

Yeah. You know? Like, why? You saw, anytime we get mad at our children, what really we're getting mad at is why are they acting like us? Really. It's very important. Yeah.

I think because when you have kids, I think the kids pick up on the energy between you guys. I think you can pick up energy more than anything, more than what you say, more than what you, it's just the energy. So it's important to get along with your wife and your wife gets along with you. But it's not easy because you guys are running like a fucking company together. We're running a nice bodega at that place. Yeah. Yeah. It's really nice bodega, but it's a lot of modeling, right?

So what's modeled for you is what you're going to do. You become what you behold. Like with my own dad, I love my dad. Very generous guy. He was a doctor. Doctor, right? OBGYN, like, you. like interjoke there

sure like and so he was also but he was doing all these things for women right for their sake but when he come home he was like on the couch in his BVDs watching ESPN2 like usually if it was late it was like two white guys boxing

that's when you know it's late on ESPN2 right and so he'd have a steak and like and my mom would just clean the whole house you know what I'm saying but she was also a college professor right she did all she ran the house and did these things and my dad was like, you know, he just didn't give a, I mean, he cared, but he was like, he needed his rest time and like he was the king of the castle and nobody was going to like stop him. That's old school. That's not the way it is anymore. Right, but that's what I saw. Right. So no one told me that, but that's what I saw. And I was like, yeah, that's me. That's what I want to be like that. Well, your, every generation gets better because your kids are going to see, you know, a more updated version of what couples are. Absolutely. Absolutely. So you just want to model that for them a little bit. I'm not, and this is not like to tell men, you got to be like,

this is this is not like allieship stuff this is just like the bar is in hell and if and and people still trip over it yeah so have you considered this that and the other yeah if you look good like i was walking down the street and my kids the other day near the seaport and i was holding their hands crossing the street and this lady goes there's a dad right there and i was like i was just fucking holding her hand yeah so like that's all you got to do i'm just i'm just saying there's money on the table and not one and try not to watch as much porn yeah not watching as much porn is is also good I mean, you just, yeah. I feel like we were having this elevated moment.

Yeah. That's what God put them on the planet for it. And then just don't watch as much porn, and that also helps. I guarantee you're porn watching went down. What? It did go down. Yes, Chris, a salient question. Yes.

It went down. I had to say goodbye to Pornhub. I had to say goodbye to deeper.com. And like, yes, thank you very much. You have to. Could we cut that out of it? No. I'm telling you, dude.

That's what you need. You're absolutely right. I have noticed that most of the fights, you know, I've been married now, seven years, we've been together 12. After you have kids, most of the fights are kind of work fights. They're like work fights. Yeah, legit. It's like, did you do this? I didn't do this.

You did less of this. I did more of this. Did you, you forgot this? It's almost like co-worker fights. Absolutely. Yeah, which is like interesting. But you could make that hot. Everybody wants to bang their co-worker.

Yeah. yeah you gotta fit right away i guess i miss this yeah but it's like it's like but those are all those are proxy those are like proxy battles right that's really like it's like a vietnam kind of thing let's let's use some real life example let's how about iran yeah absolutely yeah your wife's iran and you just bomb the shit out of it but then she keeps propping up with new fucking problems she has she's mine she's the iatollum yes there's no yeah she's no yeah she's no yeah she's He is the, all the things. You kill one and another one pops up.

Yeah, yeah. Propos not soft. So, like. Straight of Hormuz. Straight of Hormuz. Thank you. Yeah, the straight-or-moos. Dude, I mean, yeah, I mean, our fans know, but it's so funny, like my guys in the group chat, I probably too far back to find it.

But my boy, Debo, we're talking about the straight of himuz. He goes, what the fuck is that? And I go, it's a new IPA. And he went, really? Like, dad's yours. That's, I mean, it could be. Yeah. Like TM right now, man.

Let's go. Like, I mean, that's basically what it is, bro. It gets so boring, but do you realize how mad you get from those stupid fights, right? Sure. So my whole thing is like, I hate the list crap, all that kind of stuff. Like, you do this and do that and the charts, I hate that. I'd actually read this book and I love the book. It's called Fair Play by Eve Rodsky, which is where I got the thought for Choreplay from.

And so, like, Eve Rodsky says you've got to be 50-50 in the relationship. I don't, I personally don't believe that. That works for some people. I believe in vibe. I just think that you can go from like, because men are ready. Usually men are ready. Like, we all have our John Wick fantasies. Yeah.

Right? Like you're saying you're getting in shape. I'm like, yeah, I wish somebody would start some shit, right? Yeah. Because you know, but we are ready. Like, we're ready to do the things. We're ready to fight. We're ready to take out the garbage when you want us to.

So if you just switch the mode and be like, go from ready to just do the thing. Right. Then you'll be better off. You know what I'm saying? And it's because it's vibe. It really is, bro. And it's like one of those, really the only times Jazz ever says how hot I am is when I'm doing chores when I'm doing like taking out a garbage or or taking you know I'm the one you know

taking the kids up to change for bed or read them the bedtime stories that's when you potentially can get a blowjob so that so if that motivates you too if you want to if you want to get a blowjob or something like that you have to do things for that you have to do the chores of course I mean what is a blow job yeah I forgot I wouldn't say oh man this this is This episode's getting deep. One of those autumn. Yeah. Oh, those are great.

Those are great. Those are good for the road. But though, I mean, there's no one for one, right? There's no one for one. I'd say you work on yourself first and then like, and then look over, see what she's doing. Like, don't even, just stay in your lane. Stay in your lane. And you'll be all right.

I'm not an expert. I'm just like a guy that survived. And because we've just lost a lot of good men on here. Yeah. I'm like, really a lot of nice, conscientious guys. Yeah. just don't know. And if like I put in there like

what's this in Rumsfeld, like the unknown unknowns, right? Yeah. Because there's known unknowns, there's known unknowns and unknown unknowns. Unknown unknowns is the shit that you didn't know you didn't know. Right. No one's ever going to take you aside and say,

hey, you know what the biggest deal is? It's like in a relationship. It could be that glass that you left on the counter instead of putting it in the sink. Right. So like I'm just trying to put people on game for that. Yeah. Because that's bullshit.

Yeah. So you think, You think if we're more aware and we start acting as opposed to being ready, women will appreciate it, and then they'll meet us, they'll start doing stuff to make us more happy. Absolutely. Or I'll put it this way. You'll be more happy. Doing for you.

Doing for you. You'll have that kind of like that energy about you and that you don't give a shit. And that will kind of like radiate out and it'll have a positive effect. That's what happened to me. That's not to say that the game isn't also rigged against you. because I've had plenty of times like, okay, if anything goes wrong with your kids at school, who do they call?

Mom. Exactly. Yeah. I put my name on the top of the emergency contact list, and they still call her. Right. And I'm just like, and then she's like,

you know, like, you have to hear about a third party, and I'm like, yeah, I know. Because women in the office call the mom, and it's like, you have to break that chain. I called the office and was like, please put me, I'm the first contact.

Do you understand? You know? And like, you have to get in there and tell them. And then the same thing happened. And they're like, you know, whatever your daughter's name is. They're like, she's, there's a lesbian. She has two moms.

Yeah, it's lesbian. I didn't realize that she had that girl had two moms. Most people only barely survive one mom. You know what I'm saying? They got two moms. You know, like, so like, okay, okay. But also this happened to me at the, I was like trying to like taking stock of everything. And so I was like, okay, I'm going to handle the appointments too.

So I call up, I was feeling myself. I call up the doctor. I call up the doctor. dentist, and this is South Brooklyn, so I called the dentist, and I was like, yeah, I need to see when my kids need a tooth cleaning necks, and they're like, the mother knows that information. Yeah. And I was like, okay, but I want to know. And they're like, well, are you divorced?

And I was like, no, they're like, well, anybody that's divorced usually asked that question. And I was like, thank you, Carol. Can I please like, I just want to know the information. But I'm just telling you, like, the people, the world does not want, the gender is doing certain things. Yeah. Right. You got to break that.

Yeah. I mean, even if it's tiny, like, tiny things like that, you know, like just small things, like knowing what's going on. Dude, just this morning, I literally, I got the email, you know, because I'm signing my daughter up for T-ball, so the Little League emailed me. And in my head, I was literally about to, because every email from the school or anything, I just forward to Jasmine. I was going to forward that to Jasmine.

I'm like, what am I doing? I got to sign my kid up for T-Ball. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. You want to know what's going on. Yeah. And it makes you, it gives you. It gives you a sense that you're like more grown.

You know, like I want to feel like I'm grown up and then I'm invested in my kids what they're doing and what they're interested in, you know, and not have it be like something that just flies by, but something you're savoring it, you know? Now, with all that being said, I still, I will, I do all those things, but I still, I don't know how to do my daughter's hair. I don't know how to do my daughter's. My kids mixed. I, I'm lost. A lot. Yeah, you have no idea. Yeah, yeah. But like, but that's, I mean, you do what you can. You don't have to do it all, but do something. I think guys probably get really messed up

because it's like either 50-50 or nothing at all. No, if you do like 10%, bro, you can leverage that for a lot. Huge, huge, huge. So you think generally guys just instinctually do less like we just end because we assume they're going to do more. Look at what we're taught though. Yeah.

One of my favorite movies as a kid was Mr. Mom. Remember Mr. Mom? Mr. Mom was Michael Keaton. Yes, yes, yes. So this guy, like, they were like, the whole premise is like, this guy loses his job, and he has to stay home while his wife's at work. And it's crazy. Right? So it's like, he can't cook.

He can't do anything like that. But you're telling me, like, Bobby Flay, Anthony Bourdain, David Chang, the whole show the bear. These are all men in the kitchen. We're like supposedly the best chefs in the world, but we can't cook. Yeah. Look at the mixed messaging that you're getting. Shit's a good point. Yeah, it's a really good point.

Because even like, and it's also, like, we all have experienced. this, you know, when mom's not there and like we are taking care of the kids, even if it's just for a few hours, now it's like, oh my God, I don't know how I could do this. It's crazy. Even though we love our kids, it's just like nuts. And then I would always think like, oh, women are just something's different about them from nature. But then when you speak to them, like, no, no, it's as hard as me to do that. I feel that same degree of difficulty, but I just have to do it. Right. Because I'm the mom. I just have to be with the kids every day. You're left to do it. And then there's a certain amount of burnout. You know what I'm saying?

It's a certain amount of burnout. And then ladies, then a little, something, called perimenopause enters the chat. Sure. And then they start blaming you for everything that's ever happened in their life. And so like that. Oh, for real? Oh, maybe.

I'm wondering. Yeah, they're home. They are a lot more hormonal than we are. Yeah. Because they have baby making chemicals and then those go away. And they just have moods. They're a little more moody by nature.

Well, look at, yeah, absolutely. And then look at this. Like, like my, okay, I have a friend who read the book and he's like, he's been divorced twice. And so he stopped me and he said, look, man, you know, men enter marriage thinking that women will never change and women intermarriage thinking that the man will someday change. And neither of those are true. At 40, a woman always wants to see the manager. She wants to see the manager.

And she's like, this has got to change right now. I'm going out with my girls. And then like, it gets really kind. It gets hairy, man. It gets really hairy. And I hope to dispel something in this book with that, like just to save people a lot of agitaph. As far as the men in the kitchen cooking analogy, men are supposed to be the best chefs. Women can do it too, except for sushi chefs.

Those have to be men. Those have to be men. You know that? Why? Because men's hands are not as warm as women's hands. Interesting. That's why we're not women's chefs. Really? Really.

I didn't know that. Men's hands are not as warm as women's hands. That's what it is, yeah. And they might be Chinese. That's the name of this episode. They might be Chinese with Jordan Carlos. Yeah. So that's why you never see any women sushi chefs

because it's just understood to handle the sushi. It's a wild fact to know. You've got to have colder hands. Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. I can't guarantee, but I can tell you that if you do this little stuff, though, man,

it's like the kind of like the exponential effect it'll have. I got a good question. Please. So you've employed these. Yes. So you're speaking from experience? Yes. How has she responded?

What have you seen her do more of that maybe you were upset about? Because I'm sure there was a few things you were upset about because you were thinking about divorce. So you weren't looking at your own behavior. You were also doing that. Yes. So did she change any of those things because you changed some of the things you were doing? I think it was she changed her level of confidence in me. She didn't have a lot of confidence that I could do something by myself.

So now it feels like she she Like gives me more More leeway And and believes I can If there's a task that needs to be done If there's plans it need to be So what you're basically saying is she breaks your balls less Yeah

Isn't that what we're looking for At that? We're looking for They're always going to break your ball Yes Just less You want less Yeah you want less breakage

You want a fracture But not like a total clean break Right Yeah I mean Essentially that's what it is We're looking for a little bit less of a break. Yeah. More of a fracture, less of a clean break of the balls.

Yeah. Wait, is your girl from Brooklyn? Mine's from Brooklyn. No, she's from Long Island. Okay. Yeah. Same peninsula. Same peninsula.

But it's like... Same island. I should say. So arguing is like what my wife's love language is, right? She loves to argue. Not unique. Right. Yeah, not unique.

Does Long Island probably a little bit of the same? Yeah, a little bit of that. She's a little bit of that. A little bit of that. A little friction. Yeah, she likes to fight Yeah She's the most diplomatic way possible

She likes to fight She likes to get You know She likes to get worked up Yeah But I understand she's overwhelmed It's a lot Right

Like Yeah, Yonah's will say things like You know Chris It's just You know Here's one thing I've learned Is that to be a good mother You have to be a bitch

And my wife's a good mother so he'll get it'll skirt around okay holy shit I think here's what I've learned I have learned from watching her be a mother

that it is actually and I'm not just saying this to be obsequious or suck up I think it is the hardest thing I've ever seen someone I agree with that the hardest job I do agree with the Bill Bertha

I used to make fun he obviously was wrong about that I mean it's a funny joke I guess but when you experience that you're going like no no no it actually is it's non-stop it's like you know they're changing they're putting to sleep you're trying to control these two kids and it's non-stop even even today my you know what we're leaving come here jasmine had a full thing of full day of uh things she needed to do my little daughter got is sick so it was no question she would my daughter wouldn't want me to stay home my daughter was like mommy

she needs she wants mommy she's on so jasmine has to cancel our whole day damn you know and it's like but But if she said, Chris, can you cancel, of course, I would have done it, but the daughter's, my daughter doesn't want that. My daughter's like, I need to be with mommy. And Jasmine understands that. So she's like, all right, you go. I got to stay with our daughter. Look, man, everybody's case is different. I'm just, like, there's also just this thing where it's like the she fault situation, right?

Like, it's like, they go to her. Like, I put in the book that it's like, like in Goodfellas where it's like, when you get in business with Tommy, was it? It was like, fuck you pay me? Like, everything goes through. her and like after a while i'm not saying you know this the kids want what they want like in the night with the kids you have yeah if they have bubble guts they come right to mommy they don't go to me you know what i'm saying even though i can handle it really quickly and i'm and i'm up anyway you know yeah so it's like i had to look at that and was like oh what am i why am i not the one i am not the

one that they're not their mother but i would like to be someone that they that they do run to in time you want to take a little load off her is what you're saying absolutely take something off the plate And here's another thing. I mean, like, listen, you guys, handsome guys, you know, with me, I feel like, yeah. Like some of the blowback I've gotten for the book has been this. They're like, you know, whatever, you're a pussy or a wuss for wanting to do these things, right? I'm sorry for, I didn't, right. I wrote that, but I don't know that.

That was a jerk reaction. That was my review. I'm glad we can finally, that's really what this was about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I knew it was you. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah. So, so, I always feel like, like, yeah, if you don't have all these things going on, like, I don't have, like, fuck you money.

I don't have, like, you know, whatever. I don't look like Idris L. But thank you, though, for saying that. So it's like, you got to, you better make up. I'm, I have charm. Yeah. But you got to, like, make up for these things sometimes, you know what I'm saying in a marriage. Like, that's, I think, like, another part of this is like, this is an easy.

way to make up for some things that you might lack. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And especially your wife, I mean, PhD, beautiful woman. It's like, she put there's pressure on you to like, I got to be a better person. That's a good marriage. It's like, you keep making each other better. We need just a book, women need a book.

Women need a book. And I think that book, let me just, I'm being honest. And then you dropped the C, right? You just called Horplay. No, I think they need a book. And this is what the book is. It's one sentence. It's one sentence.

Okay. And all I would say is just a few compliments. guys like compliments. Right. It would be nice once in a while to hear like, you know, you did a good job as a person. I know women are wired like, oh, this needs to be done, this needs to be done.

But am I, do you guys get a lot of compliments? Absolutely. No. I mean, what the fuck is that? No, I'll get you. And I throw them out. I have some, I give them away. Right.

I see my wife. I'm like, you look beautiful. I always tell her you're an amazing. I say all this shit. And like, it would just be nice. if one came back. But you're a great dad. That would carry me for a week.

Yeah, I don't get that much. I get... It's just this expected thing. I get... I get... She'll look at me and she'll go, I think you got a new skin tag. Yeah.

That's a skin tag. But that's where you're saying, like, I love you. Yeah, exactly. She's like, yeah. Because, I mean, listen, you're an animal lover, right? Sure.

Like, well, animals... He's... He's trying. I'm trying to love my dog. He's trying. But they check each. other out. They preen each other, right? Like to make sure that they're, that they're nice and clean. So there you go. There's the love. And by the way, yeah, no, please, go. I love what you're saying.

I love what you're saying. You're saying is basically for modern marriage to work, right? A lot of times there's two income. Everyone's working. Everyone's also rearing. We got to step up a little bit. That's it. And maybe we're relying on some old trope, some old conditioning that like, hey, the woman does most of the stuff. I lay on the couch. Cool. Right. But I think they also rely on some old conditioning, Like, the man's just always going to take care of it. The man is strong and silent. The man doesn't have feelings. You need to be stronger.

You need to be stronger. You need to just. And how about just, you look great today. You're a good. Maybe they can fight some of that conditioning to just make us feel better because we're doing more. We're trying. I'm fucking trying. I have PTSD because I've been married to a Brooklyn woman for almost 19 years.

So I will sometimes. Condolences. I told her. Mine's Long Island, so I understand. I told her. she looked amazing one day and I was like joked and was like anything you want to say back to me

she's like why you want me to say is that what you said in the first place so that I say it back to you yeah there it is an hour yeah and that went on for an hour my G yeah like I was like oh my God look this little pistol yeah crazy yeah she's absolutely I told her good luck one day yeah

good luck she's like what the fuck is that good luck yeah I was like with whatever you're doing whatever yeah yeah bro down the stoop to the Fiss, yeah. I was like, you know. Jesus. Well, that will never, you know, that's a whole other book.

Right. That's a whole other book. Oh, dude, what about, what about like when your girl's like, she doesn't feel good or something like that and you try to give any advice at all? She just screams right back at you and tells you like, don't try to tell her how she's supposed to feel. And it's like, yeah, but you're upset about something. So I'm like, oh, what if you tried this?

Oh, you thought you were talking to a guy. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. Emotionally, no, no, no. No, you got to let them ride, man. Just rock. And just repeat the last two sentences of what they said. That's all you can do, really.

Yeah. I, like, again, to reiterate, I agree with what you're saying. I think it's healthy. I think that's good. And I think women overcomplicated a little bit sometimes by thinking, like, because, like, you can motivate a guy very easily just by kind of being kind to him. Yeah. And like giving him a positive, just saying something positive about his effort.

I mean, maybe it's because we're. we're not they're better at rearing like whatever it's natural or maybe conditioning both but if they encourage a little bit i think it's like anything you want an add a boy yeah i feel you i feel you i want an add a boy yeah everyone's every once every and they're gonna watch this and they're gonna oh you want my mother you want me to do everything you get and then they'll figure out a way to make it me the bad guy in that going you want too much you want a mother it's like no i just want a compliment are you like me like i call myself an emotional camel like i can go days, weeks without water, baby.

But just something in the desert. Just a drip. Just a drip. Just a drip. Yeah. Just a little. Chinese water torture. Just a little. That's all I need.

A little. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I feel like you're fully right about that. I think a lot of guys share that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think that the conditioning is there for both sections in a way. Yeah. I compliment myself.

I never did that before, though. I was always really hard on myself. Yeah. So I guess for me, like if you were never harder yourself, I think that's really cool. That comes with confidence to not be hard on yourself. I was so hard on myself that I didn't allow compliments even to myself, kind words to myself in. So that was a process for me. So I mean, if there's people out there that that need, that don't do that to themselves, like don't say nice things, give themselves a break. Then like, I mean, that can also open up a channel. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just saying. I think guys, too, she can compliment each other a lot. I think women do it. Yeah, he said I was a third. Right away. If you do it to Chris, if you give Chris a compliment, you watch.

I'm going to tell you, Chris right now, like you look like you look like you're going to light up. Very warm. He's going to light up. Very warm in that hoodie. You always have a fresh hoodie. You always have a fresh cap on. Yeah. I mean, you're definitely Brooklyn rules from the 90s.

100%. I don't think you've repeated the same clothes in your life. No. But he loves a compliment. He lights up. I liked up from men. Yeah. Oh my God.

Kiths. I mean, you look thin. You look thin, dog. JFK on the sock. Because you're from Dallas, you're from Dallas, Dallas connection. We try to live that down. I'm all about subtleties. Well, I appreciate that.

See, little things that I know about you. Shout out to the RV Oswald's family. Yeah, yeah. Shout out with you. We've set up. We know the government did it. The government definitely did. That's my favorite thing about Dallas is like the only thing to see is just an X on the street.

Yeah. It's like no monument, nothing. They're just like, yep, right there. You could see the childhood home of the author of Chor Play. We're fully embarrassed by that. You don't understand that. That's all you got. That's all we got, man.

And oil money. And, well, you did have Luca Donchich, but that's gone too. Can we not fucking, why do you turn? This took a turn. No, listen, Luca, Jalen, who else? You traded away nasty, Nash. We traded away, like, a lot of great talent. That's what we do in Dallas.

We, like, trade. Come here. But look, if you keep it like Dirk Novitskyy, you win the champion. Chip. One time. One time. Should have been two. Almost two. God. What are you? I still don't understand how that happened. You were living in Miami at the time, weren't you?

Was that the year? I can't remember. It was around that time. Yeah, it's a good time for you. Yeah. I'm not a Miami fan or anything. But to be in that city. But I was actually rooting for yeah, it was a good time. But I was rooting for Dallas. I still, that was one of the sports thing that just doesn't make sense to me. What did they want? Yeah, Dallas. Dallas should have won that.

What what's here wait what are we talking about when Dallas went they played the heat back to back they went up like uh I'm gonna have a pan yeah they played them twice in the finals right and and then when they went up three one they went up three one and he came back and he came back yeah actually it was a record yeah okay it was a record yeah this is not how I want it happened this is not what I wanted for this yeah okay yeah the Texas Rangers won recently yes they did yeah I don't follow the Rangers okay yeah I'm a basketball football guy Well, the Cowboys are awful. LeBron, two of those championships LeBron got, you're going, like, those almost, they almost shouldn't happen.

Right. Like, that one, three won against Dallas, and then the other time against the Spurs, you're going, when in the history has that, has a team scored like nine points? Does anyone have a cigarette? Yeah. And they came back against the Warriors, too, LeBron. And the Warriors. Yes. Yes.

That was cleveland. Yeah, so it happens to other people. It does. It does. It does. Oh, my God. All right. Well, chore play.

Sure play. Thank you so much, guys. Read it. Go get it. They can get it as you're on your website or where's the best way? Amazon. Yeah, yeah. On my website, Jordan Carloscomic.com. You can go on Amazon.

One day it'll be Hudson News, baby. Come on! Yeah. You know? How does it work with the books? You have to pre-buy them all and then you sell them? You could do that. If you do that, then you're in for a couple grand.

Sure. But yeah, and then you get that little dagger as bestseller. You don't want to do that. Right. So what you do is you just, you know, You promote. You come on great shows like this. And hope for the best.

Right now, it's doing really well. It's charting really well on Amazon. So I'm very happy about that. Great. And, like, you know, it's just... Charlamagne the God says this is a damn marriage manual disguised as a comedy special, a Trojan swiffer, if you will. That's high praise.

That's high praise. And he cheated on his wife and they're still together. That's public info. Yeah. It's public info. Yeah. Public info. I know you saw me.

Thank you. No much for having me on the breakfast club on Friday. Yes. Jesus. No, I'm saying that's, if that, you know, he knows what he's talking about. He saved his marriage. Yes, he did. Yes, he did.

Oh, my God. You made me break out in a sweat. It's like, this, baby. I saw you for a second. You're like, wait a second. Oh, no, he said, okay. Yeah. Thank you.

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