History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Substances and Snowballs | History Hyenas

Episode Date: February 27, 2026

This week on History Hyenas, Yanni and Chris go full chaos mode. Chrissy vents about his sitcom not getting picked up and what really goes down behind the Hollywood curtain, the boys break down the legend of the Long Island Medium Theresa Caputo, and Chris recaps an awkward date with the star of Owning Manhattan. They also dive into the booming world of THC seltzers, and Yannis tells a wild story of getting stranded in Bakersfield during a snowstorm—plus his hilarious observations on just how conservative Bakersfield really is. No topic is safe. It’s Hyenas history. #HistoryHyenas #YannisPappas #ChrisDistefano #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #LongIslandMedium #OwningManhattan #THCSeltzer #Bakersfield #PodcastClips Support our sponsors: Download the Ava app, and when you join using MY promo code HYENAS, you’ll get 20% off your first year—monthly or annual, your choice. http://lucy.co/hyenas Upgrade your denim game with Rag & Bone!. Get 20% off sitewide with code HYENAS at www.rag-bone.com #ragandbonepod Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://store.historyhyenaspod.com Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody. I am back. I was snowed in in California. We couldn't get here. So apologies, but your episode is here. Catch me on the road in Boston, April 17th and 18th. West Nyack, New York, April 24th through the 26th. And in Mayas, Pennsylvania, May 2nd. And our show's been rescheduled. To March 9th, March 9th, 6 p.m. Live history hyena show right here in New York City. You're going to really enjoy this episode. We don't have a history topic, but I did take an edible. And it's wild. Yes. Patreon.com slash history hyenas where you can stop being a a toot and become a self-respecting non-toot.

What's up everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Chrissy Dee. That's Yohanna P. We said whoever is going to start this pod, I said, I'll start it. And, you'll answer it. And you know, well, it depends how cute you think I am. And I said, I'm starting because let me tell you something right now. Not only do you look good, you've gotten skinny. You've lost a little weight.

I don't know what it is about that green shirt. You look like an asparagus, and I want to eat you and have my pea smell. It has to do with the beard. Fans, I've been seeing fans say exactly what you say. What? For the love of God, Yaddi, don't shave the beard. Yeah, yeah. Because right now, I'm in Jow.

I'm in Jow. I have a turkey net. It's right there. It's right what it is. But it's unnoticeable. Because I'm reading your energy. Yeah. You want to get into some shit today.

I want to get into some shit today. Because you want to throw some snowballs and police officers? Yeah, I really, really, really do. guys, I really want to do it big. And I, I, the energy that you're sensing is a little thing called 10 milligrams of THC. I'm on in edible. We call it an Eddie. It's not Chris DiStefano. It's Eddie DiStefano, hello. Listen, Eddie, whatever works for you, whatever works for you, works for me, because I like you on substances because I know you're a guy that likes to do a little something to the corners. You know when you have kids, you get a little foam, you put it around the corners.

Yeah. So they don't hit themselves in the corners. Yeah. You got a lot of corners. Yeah. And so what you do with the substances is you just round up, you put a little foam on the corners. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The corners of life are foamed up so you don't bang into them. Because it's what it is and I had a big, big day today. I mean, I'm coming. You missed me big. I missed you big. I kept saying, I mean, I was texting you three days ago saying you could just fly to Baltimore and rent a car. You could fly to Baltimore and I'll pick you up. Yeah. What he did? He called me up and he said, because what's the limit on FaceTime? Can you do it all day or on FaceTime? Because you wanted to walk around with me with your phone like we were in the her movie.

Because the last thing you'll ever see in your life is me cutting your face off. I've been putting it on and FaceTiming your family. What I watched last night before I went to bed was... A big steaming pile of shit that Stavros was in. Way Songxien. No, that was on the plane. Oh, that was on the plane. What was that movie called, Bulgaria?

Yo. Stavros was great in it, though. Stavros was absolutely... He was probably the best part of it. part of it. Because Begonia was I hate to say this because he's my countryman but it was a big fat steaming pile of shit and we're all

getting fucking sick and when I say we're all I mean about the 14 coffee house people who still go see those movies. They're all getting sick and this guy's fucking weird S&M fantasies. We get it. You want to fucking S&M torture her. I mean the next movie he's going to call her every

day and be like Emma hello Emma it's this is Yorgos Latimos again. Listen I think he's obsessed because he's just calling are going, listen, I have a new movie. We're going to turn you. This one, we turn you into an alien, alien with hermaphrodite. And we're going to, this movie,

we're going to take, we're going to take some steel pipe, some steel piping, a contracting grade, and we're going to ramming all your earth in the holes until you bleed inside out. But this is a commentary on society, how the corporation is taking all the,

Emma, please don't hang up. This is a good one. This is going. skin you alive. It's about the Mexican cartels. So we take your friend's face and they skin it and put it on your face. What do you say? I mean, the kid, obviously, Jerks off to her big.

He's obsessed with Emma Stone and he just wants to put her in the most compromise. Every movie that she is in with him, this girl is getting like defiled. She's fucked. I mean, he's actually living my dream watching her get fucked. Yeah. And then making her shave her head. I mean, the only thing is you'd like to trade Emma Stone after Virginia Bushard. Because this movie, he's just got Emma Stone just chained up in a basement.

This kid is acting out his S&M fantasies on Eminem. Big. I mean, because what can I tell you, Greeks are weird people? We're weird people. You're weird people. But you found your way, you worked your way around Greeks again. What I love about Greeks and what I think is why I'm really attracted to you and the Greek culture is because you're the closest white people to Puerto Ricans.

Yes. If there's different shades of white, then Greek is Puerto Rican brown. And I like it. We are the Puerto Ricans of Europe. You are the Puerto Ricans of Europe. Even if you think about it, the Puerto Ricans have WEPA, which is sort of like a word that doesn't have a definition. It's just like we're excited and we want to break things. We want to ruin our economy.

Right. And the Puerto Ricans and the Greeks have Upa. Right. So I said that backwards. Can we do that again? No, just do it. There's no anything. We have Opa.

They have Lepa. Because you want an edible? I got them in my pocket. It sounds like I'm on an edible right now, but right now I'm high on cyanide. Yeah. Because we get to a certain age. We need substance. You need substances.

Now, Cuzz, I want to ask you right now, dealer's choice, what do you want to take? What do you want to do? Do you want to do a little THC edibles? Do you want to do that? Or do you want to do pills? I got pills. Because you want to do a little pills? Because you're shaking them like their nerds can.

Does you want to do a little pills? Because, yeah. This is the beginning where we find you. I need a little space. Because do you have so much space in your house? that they're not going to be able to find your body when you're OD for three days. It's just what it is because sometimes what happens is my family would be yelling at me. I'll be going through the motions of life and then I'll just hear a little sound and that sound is,

wait, damn it. Go get it before it. Yeah, go get it before. Go get it before Nick crawls on the floor and eats it. I found it. Yeah. One that I took a bite out of last week. I forgot.

Now, Cus, what's this new Chrissy Edibles phase? This new Chrissy substances, what are you nervous about? Well, what happens is, because it's sometimes... You got any big life stuff coming up? Yeah, so because sometimes what happens is you make decisions, and then those decisions come back and do a little thing called haunt you. And what are we talking about? No, because we're just, you know, here's the thing.

Yeah. It's just life is a little... What it is is this, guys. what it is is this is sometimes you buy something, you know you invest in something, and then it's one of those things where it's like, then the bill comes due, right? You forget about it.

You like, this is great, it's great, but now it's like the bills come due. The bill is due, and the reason, and I don't have the money to pay the bill right now, so what I need is a little space, and I get that in the form of THC and pills. Have you ever...

Those are my blood pressure pills, by the way. I mean... That's how bad it's gotten. I have to walk around my blood pressure meds. Yeah, you treat life like you're in a maximum security prison. Yeah. Yeah.

Because if I were to ask you what's going on, you'd tell me a bunch of stuff and I'd go, those actually sound like the healthiest choices I've ever heard of. Yeah. And you're, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Those are what's stressing me out. Yeah.

Yeah. So you're a little guy who likes to run free. You're a jailbird. I'm a little. Exactly. You don't know how to do time on the outside. Because I like to, because here's the truth is I'm exactly like your chain. I'm living on the outside, but I should be on the inside.

Yeah, because you're not supposed to pull out a chain in a sweatshirt. Yeah, it's what it's called, it's called Yanni's chain, and what Yanni's chain is new lingo, and what that means is, you're living on the outside, but you should be on the inside. That's a new word. Yeah, because when you pull it out, like we've said, when you pull it out with the sweatshirt, it just looks too intentional. Yeah, and it looks, and the way that when you pull it out and it's just halfway out, it's just kind of falling over. It looks like Stephen Hawkins in a wheelchair. But look what I got. I got two.

I went to the mall in Long Island And I got this soldered clothes Because if you go to Long Island And you don't get at least one chain from the mall And one bagel from the bagel store You didn't even really go to Long Island Because if you get buried in Long Island You don't got your chain out

You didn't grow up on the island Yeah, it's what it is Yeah, because if you don't get two bagels With onion and a little bit of locks Yeah That you're not from the island I'll tell you one thing right now If Nancy Guthrie, Savannah Guthrie's mom

Would have went missing on Long Island She would have found by a little person Called the Long Island Medium The Long Island Medium Would have sniffed her out and found that body, but the Long Island medium, Teresa Caputo, her powers don't work outside the island. Isn't it amazing that the two most famous TV mediums were both from Long Island? John Edward. John Edwards, right. John Edward and Teresa Caputo. The Long Island media. Was that her last

name? I assume it was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was just two Italian kids from Long Island. Yeah. Who could tell you they could talk to dead people. And they started out with a core, core, strong fan base. because you can really get Long Island people to believe anything. 100%. Yeah. If you could talk to this. She's great, though, Teresa Caputo. You ever watch the show?

She's very fun. Look at her hair. Her hair is great, because... Yeah, I actually, here's how I knew my career was kind of going towards the bottom, because even though she's a big deal, they asked me if I want to go on tour opening for her. Because she sells a lot of tickets, so it would be an upgrade for me, but... I mean, because her hair, she visited 1984, 85. The hair's wild.

She said, this is where my hair is saying. The hair is wild. Now, speaking to hair. I feel like do you think, because I told you, I think you look skinny, you look like an asparagus, you look good. How do you think I look today? Do I look handsome? Do I feel handsome to you? Well, the thing is you had a date with a guy. You had a date with that guy. That's what, so I want to relive it now, and I want to just know if you thought I was handsome or not,

I need you to be honest. Well, the thing is if you're showing up, right, and you constantly talk about your financial issues, right? Right. Because you're a kid who likes to bite off a little more than you can chew. Big time. Yeah. Except for edibles, I chew them all. Yeah. So you had a perfect opportunity.

You had a perfect opportunity to have this guy be your sugar daddy. Right. You know? So you're going to meet a guy who's worth about a quarter bill. Right. And you show up, you know,

you dressed good for the spots the other night when you just saw him quickly. But then when you had to sit down date with this guy. Wow. And you had a chance to be a side piece and get a little money. Yeah. You show up like you're working out.

Like you're a ball boy. You got plastic pants on and you got the outfit on where I know you don't give a fuck today. Yeah. Well, here's the thing is the reason why I did it this way is because what happened was is he came to the comedy seller. A couple of nights ago. I dressed up.

I had my good jacket on my good sweater. I sent you guys to pick. We'll post the pick here. I tried to look good. I tried to look as cute as possible. I did all my A material, had a good show. And then he just left. And then he just walked away.

So I said to myself when I was getting dressed this morning, I said, you know what? I said, this guy probably doesn't like a dressed up guy. I said, let me go show him the other side of me. Let me show him some at leisure. Right. Okay. And I said, and also, it's very, it's a lot easier when I'm wearing these baggy sweatshops like that to hide the gun. Right.

Because I'm going to take them hostage. Because I want to wear his face. So I had the gun strapped. And then I said, I'm not going to get the gun out through a uniclo down jacket. But what happened is I walk in there. And the show, I love the show, owning Manhattan, right? Ryan Sirhan from owning Manhattan. I love the show.

Is he handsome? Handsome drink of water. So I go in there and they say, hi. You know, how are you? I said, hi. I said I'm Ryan. I said I'm here to meet Ryan. And the lady goes, oh, can I have your name?

I said, tell him it's Chris from Grindr. That's just what I said. And she was like, you use your real name on Grindr? Yes. And so she said, huh? I said, Chris from Grindr, he'll know what it means. And then so he does, has no idea what's going on. And then there was one of the, one of the girls from the reality show he does, which is one of my favorite shows on TV, owning Manhattan, check it out.

I saw her in the lobby. And she's like a beautiful girl. And so she said, hi. And I said, hi, I'm Chris from Grindr. and then we were talking, conversating a little bit and I said, I don't want Ryan to come down the stairs

and see me talking to this woman because then he's going to think that I'm straight. So I said, let me go on. I saw a bullpin of guy agents and I just sat with those guys I started talking about the Mets

until Ryan came down and then Ryan gave me about 10 minutes of his time and I tried to get him to smell the clawiform rag I had but he walked away because the kids weren't, you know,

kids just running around doing meetings. But I had a whole plan to dress like this guy And also it was so hot in his office But because the jacket matched the shoes I didn't take my jacket off And I've done that move Sweat go down the back

Yeah, I've done that move Sometimes you have the jacket's cute You gotta keep it on Then I tried to get fun And I sent him an emoji Of an open asshole And I haven't gotten a response to that I'm on a group chat

With somebody else So it's just what it is Yeah What it is is I'm in a mood To fuck shit up You're in a mood yeah And because I'm not Chris DeStefano I'm Eddie DeStefano

You're Eddie DeStefittie You're Chrissy Eddies And you have You look like you've lost years. Right. You look younger. Yeah. You're looking really good. Yeah, because I don't know if you've tucked in the skin tags and what's going on. Right. But you look great. No, what it is is I've decided to say, I've decided to say I've had enough. I need some space. I need to be happy. I need to be free. And what I'm doing is I'm taking edibles and I'm going on dates with guys. And that's just what

makes me feel comfy. And then I go home to my family and we have a good time watching, you know, tape up and the demon hunters and running around on the tricycles. But During the day, Daddy needs to get a little high, walk around and go on a date with a guy. See, well, listen, you just fall into one of the two categories of Republican. Yeah. Okay? You grew up in, you know, I'm not saying you're a Republican. You're a kid who's above it all.

Yeah. Ryan cannot ever see you saying that I'm Republican. That's not what, no. But what I'm saying is Ryan is apolitical. He's apolitical and so are you. Yeah. Right? Politics isn't something you're interested in.

I'm not interested in at all. So, but what you've done is you've fallen into one of the two buckets of Republican. You got your very straight, manly kind of working class Republicans. And then you got your college-educated Ph.D. level, which you are. You're basically a doctor, very educated, white-collar service-based with a family. But secretly gay and meets guys in motel. And we coined what that side of the coin is. That's Faga.

That's Faga. That's what I represent. It's actually like you two branches of Republicans. Is you got that, and then you got the guys who are secretly in the closet. It's what it is. And hang out guys in motels. Yeah, me and... And yell about homosexual.

Me and Scott Beto from Staten Island who paints. Yeah. We're a couple of gay kids. Scott Beyo. No, Scott Beto. Scott Beto. Yeah. Scott Beto's big.

Yeah. So now, so ultimately, you know, the date I think went well, you know, had in his office. And I said, you know, there was, you know, I hang out with a lot of people like this. You know, I was making things up. and I said, you know, I don't want, I don't ask for anything from anybody. Not going to ask the podcast, not going to ask anything. I said, the only thing I asked is that you remember me. And he kind of looked at me.

Yeah. Because it was kind of a joke. Yeah. And he kind of looked at his watch and he was like, it's been such, so great meeting you. And then it gave me a pound. And I left. And I got walked out by security guard. So it's just what it is.

And then what I did is I took another bite of the edible on Broadway. Now let me tell you something about this guy right here. There's no chance that a guy who, hosts a show who's worth the quarter bill. Right. And the show's called owning Manhattan. There's no chance that the kid goes to the voting booth and clicks on Mom Dami. There's just not a shot.

No way. And he's also born in Boston. Yeah. A raise in Boston. Yeah. But I'll tell you what happens with these guys. Great guy. Ryan's, go follow him.

Ryan Sourhan, go follow him. He's my guy. He's my boyfriend. Yeah. He's a great guy. But I'll tell you what happens with these very successful guys, right, who kind of live on the coast, is they end up marrying a girl who is what I like to call conveniently liberal.

Right. Right? They don't have to worry about anything. They don't got to pay for anything. And they live an absolutely Republican lifestyle. But what they do is they are outwardly liberal. Their private life is all Republican. They live behind gates.

They live in $5 million houses. Their husbands use every tax loop and whole available. And then they go out there and they have brunch at, you know, Danielle or Chetarell and they just talk about how the Republicans are ruined the country. conveniently liberal. Yeah, and they just say, you know, what ICE is doing out there is horrific, but they've never been to or ever seen anyone who's Mexican. It's what it is.

It's who they are. And so those ladies end up influencing the guys who are apolitical or couldn't give a shit about politics at all into just being liberal. That's what happened. It's what it is. And, you know, and the bottom line is, is we had a great date. I had a great date with this guy. And does your wife know that you're seeing guys? No, she doesn't know yet, but she's going to find out big.

She's probably had huge hunches that you were a homosexual man. When you ran from a deer, well, you left your daughter outside. You ran from a deer, yeah. He wasn't even close to you. He was just in your yard. You got scared and you ran inside and you ran inside and your four-year-old daughter and said, Daddy ran inside and left me outside. It's what it is.

Yeah, because you were scared of a deer. I'm scared of a deer, and that's how I is, and I'm just really scared of the outdoors. And I just think ultimately, though, I took a nice walk today. I walked about 20, 25 blocks through the city. and it's about 50 degrees here but there's still snow on the ground so what we call that is a Berlin summer and it calms me down

and it makes me go back to the good old days when I was in Berlin you're a guy you're a guy who doesn't like reality at all no yeah you're not a fan of it as we've been saying since 2018 reality is a suggestion and I live by it

yeah you live by that so if you were at some point living in Berlin yeah you know that's what we call not existing in reality. That's what we call a bat signal

for a roofing company. That's what you want to just put a big old bat signal in the sky and say this kid thinks he's living in Berlin in the 1950s and this is an alternative life and he's also on substances and he's also like getting anxiety about things that are actually great in his life. You've got to throw him into a padded room and lock the door.

And by the way, speaking of Batman symbols, go to patreon.com slash history hyenas because the text that I'm going to read on today's Patreon are wild. We have a nice text reading session, and you can only see those texts at patreon.com slash history hyenas. It's worth the money. Should we do another category on our Patreon just called Chrissy's Housing Expenses? Yes.

Just for some secret. Yeah. Some gay guy out there that loves you who just wants to pay for you. Yeah. When I told, because, you know, Ryan knows obviously so much about real estate, the show owning Manhattan shows that. He asked me where I live and I told him. And then he was like, oh, I thought you lived somewhere else.

I said, well, I actually moved from that one. He goes, but when I first messaged you, you were living somewhere else. And I said, yeah, I've just moved. He goes, how many times have you moved? And I said, I moved about three or four times in four years. And he goes, well, that's an internal problem. That's what he said. And I go, yeah, he goes, you probably, each one of them has been the perfect house for a different reason.

But you've got an internal problem. You're looking for external answers. I said, pull down your pants. Yeah, you're the only guy in real estate who's pulled off what I like to call the hat trick. Right. You know? You can pull off three goals in a game in hockey and pull the hat trip or you can sell three houses in a year and pull a hat trick. Do you know how like a guy who's like, you know, like who has sex with a lot of girls, has so many girls' numbers in his phone. He doesn't even know who's who. That's how I'm real estate agents. Right. I've had it the most, my record so far as I've had five different agents looking for houses for me while currently trying to sell the house that I was living in and I didn't even own, but I tried to sell it anyway.

Yeah, well, when we had a retired sergeant in here, he was also. He was one of my real estate agents and I forgot about it. And he had no idea that you were seeing other guys. Yeah, when I closed on my house where I bought my house, he was my active real estate agent. And I said, you know, I texted him. I said, I got the house, whatever. He goes, what do you mean? Yeah, I was like, I got the house. And then I told him where I was looking.

He goes, what do you mean? He called me. He goes, you were looking up there? Yeah. I said, yeah. He goes, I thought I was your agent and we were looking over here. Yeah. And I said, well, you know what?

I just made a decision. I was cheating on you. Yeah, I was cheating on you guys. He goes, you don't want a house on Staten Island? Yeah. Yeah. There was a time that you wanted a house on Staten Island. Then you took, you were on Staten Island.

I fully bought a house on Staten Island. And you looked around and you said, wait a second, where's the bagel store? Yeah. You said, where's the bagel store? I said, you know what? Things are too peaceful here. Things are too good. I can afford it too well.

What is the problem? And the problem was the bagel store wasn't in walking distance. And the funny irony is, is the house I currently live in now has a bagel store twice as far away. I think I know what your next special should be called. it's not an external problem it's an internal problem that's what it is yeah it's not an external that should yeah that should yeah that should be my reality show yeah yeah it's not an external problem it's an internal problem yeah not an external problem it's an internal problem yeah because i was what it is and i got i got news for you yeah also too why i have a little juice and why i had to take an extra

edible is because they called me today and said my ABC pilot is done dead in the water so now your boy oh for 14 pilots because but here's the thing because i'm oh for four four 14 as a pilot. You're a home run hitter, though. You take big cuts. What it is, because you know who's playing? I guess I'm on, Muhammad Otis. Way song she ain't.

Oh, for 14 in this business. Well, because I wouldn't feel bad about that. Well, yeah, because guess what happened the last time I didn't get a pilot? Yes, what happened. We started history hyenas. That's right. That's what it is. Well, we actually started that before.

Yeah. The pilot. No, no, no, but the pilot. Oh, that's right. It was kind of at the beginning. The show didn't go. My CBS sitcom pilot didn't go. and I said, we gotta, what are we got to do here?

And then we came up with the podcast and we did history and is. And now my ABC show has officially not went. So you know what that means? Hey, babe's coming back. Because let me ask you a question. Yeah. Which one of... We're going to make this show big. We're going to make this show bigger than you ever could fucking imagine.

Yeah. Because now I really have to. Okay, now I really have to because not only do I have a family. Yeah. I only do I have a beautiful family that I have to pay for and provide for, but I also owe money to some bad people. And I was expecting ABC to pay for it and that's not going to happen. And I can't borrow any more money from Kimmel.

Here's the thing though, because when you look around, right, when you look around at our colleagues, our generation, generation above, which one of them have family sitcoms? Yeah, none. Oh, I'm going to say which one around, which one would you kill first? And I say, I'm obligated to say Jesse because he's a Jew.

Ladd of 14. Yeah. J.K. Nick, I'd save you, buddy. Yeah. It's the right thing to do. Yeah, it's the right thing to do. Which one of our colleagues has a family-friendly sitcom?

Bill Cosby's the only one I can think of. Loud of 14. Yeah, so I'm saying it's don't feel bad because what you were doing, I think, is what you often do is I think you like to fish in empty waters. That's what I like to do. You like to sometimes fish in empty water. I like to fish in empty waters. Yeah, that's a good one. People were going, hey, these ponds are full of.

fish and you were like yeah but I like that one yeah that one has no water and no fish no fish yeah that's what it is I said you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna go all in on a sitcom and stop posting on my own YouTube and I said this is the path forward yeah you're like this is the path forward I mean I'm just saying I can't think of one person who's got who's has a sitcom has all I can say and let's be honest a lot of them are a lot more family friendly than you yeah I mean yeah because the truth is this my manager even told me he goes the truth is is is that was never going to go so don't worry about It just wasn't a good script. He goes, do you have any other ideas?

I said, well, I have an uncle who's a cat judge. And he dropped the phone and picked it up. He said, get me that script on my desk by Monday. Yeah, that's funny. That's the show. Yeah, that's funny. I think you've been going to father's side of the family. Maybe you need to go to the mother's side of the family.

So the show, the new sitcom is my uncle's a cat judge. Yeah, yeah. And we're calling it. And the title of the show is it's not external. It's internal. It's internal. It's internal. Because he also has some internal issues.

Yeah. Well, you know, just like, much like Teresa, Caputo's hair that stopped in the 80s. Sure. I think your dreams about a sitcom kind of, in the 90s, you were just like, your dream for a sitcom is her hair. Right. It's just in the 90s.

It's not going to work. It's just in the 90s. That's why I want to say thank you. Go for one camera. Say, one camera, I want to be able to curse. Yeah. And just let's call it a cat judge and let's hire my real uncle because you're not going to get funnier than that.

It's what it is. Nobody's going to be able to play that. Because it's what it is. You know, I always think I live in a little bit of nostalgia for some reason. Maybe it's a sense of control. But I have to say thank you to the History Hyenas fans. I'd be nothing without you. Now I literally financially mean that. So go to patreon.com slash history hyenas. Support our show on YouTube and listen to this ad from Who Gives a shit.

Chrissy, I got to say, what's one thing you wish you'd known earlier about how credit actually works? Because there's so many things, but I mean bad credit can just make everything harder. Yeah. From renting an apartment to getting a fair rate. And you know what's helped me turn the table so I can finally get the credit I deserve? Ava. Ooh, Ava. Yeah.

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now go get yourself some good credit because I just saw you reach it for something and I know that you're not having a good day because you forgot your Lucy. Lucy makes me feel Lucy Goosey. Yeah. I'm a nicotine kid. Call me a...

Yeah. A teen. I love teens. Because you like teens, but not in the bad way. Not in the bad way and the good way. You like teens in the good way and that's Nicky. That's what I like. Lucy.

You sign up. You subscribe. It comes straight to your door. You can go to lucy. dot co slash stores to find out where Lucy is available. Guess what? It's pretty much available anywhere. Their flavors are absolutely delicious.

Do you like espresso? Do you like all their flavors? Do you like their breakers that you can just bite into and get an extra little burst of flavor in your mouth? It's what it is. Get the flavor in your mouth. And if you're a gay guy and you don't like the name Lucy, it doesn't get you going. You don't want to open your mouth.

Just call it Louie. Just call it Louis. And you're fine. You're fine. And here comes to fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

And remember, get 20% off your first order when you buy online with code hyenas. And if you don't want to wait, just head to lucy.com slash stores to find Lucy near you and grab it today. Yeah. Because what can you do? You're in good shape. Maybe the sitcom is my uncle's a cat judge and his wife's to the Long Island. Medium. I love it.

Is that the show? I love that. What was you do if my uncle Russell's wife had that hair? The only thing that I do know about you is if you got the sitcom, you'd be calling me every day saying, because how do I get out of this? How do we get out of it? Yeah. Yeah.

You got to be alerted your lines. Yeah, there's a video of me when I'm like, because I know you're anywhere but here. Anywhere but here. That's another possible name for a new sitcom. But I'll tell you what? Anywhere but here. But I'm locked in right now because of our good friend Eddie. Edibles.

Right? Edibles, I'm locked in on you. Have you noticed I haven't stopped looking into your eyes for the last 30 minutes? Well, I thought that's because you know, you have a skin tag on the top of eyelid. You don't want to blink. I'm trying to close it. Yeah. You just want to blink.

Because when you blink, it pops out. Because I got to be honest with you, the way I. It's gotten smaller. What are you doing to it? taking edibles honestly because it's like disappeared it's one of those things

where in the inside on the outside I am who I am I'm Chrissy skin tags I'm Chrissy Hitler hair whatever I am Chrissy Big Butt And you know And Chrissy plastic pants

Chrissy Ryan Sirhan's fiance But what the truth is Is on the outside I am what I am But what THC makes me just let go And kind of give up But also get up

I've given up in my life But I get up And go to work anywhere I don't care So on the outside I'm me on the inside I'm Nick. Way song she ain't.

Because, yeah. Yeah, that's what I am. Cause on the inside, I'm a stick. Way song she ain't. You get what you're saying. You know what I'm saying? You're relaxed like Nick. Yeah.

But you get up and shower. I get up and shower. Yeah, right. Right. So I feel together I'm Jesse and Nick. Yeah, you're a combination. I'm a combination. Yeah.

I have Nick's kind of just. whatever go with the flow. Jesse's creativity wears boat shoes 12 months a year like that. I'm kind of just given, I've let go and let God. The thing about Jesse is you can't leave him alone for too long. Right. Because what happens if you don't

call, Jesse will never call you. Never. Right. So Jesse will never go, hey, I'm in the mood to talk to someone. Right. Doesn't happen. Doesn't happen. You have to call him. Right. He's just, he's too go with the flow. So if you leave him alone for too long, you'll find him unbathed. Yeah. He hasn't washed his hair.

And he's wearing his neighbor's boat shoes. And that's just what's going to happen. But when you call him and you make him get up and you say, hey, we're going to do this show. Next thing you know, he's got air max on. Which make no mistake, he didn't buy or want on his own. He had to get them for a Christmas present from his brother who got him for 10%. Because the kid wants for nothing. He's a fucking half-Jew Buddha.

He couldn't care less because he wants to be. Judah. He's Judah. He's Judah. Yeah. So you just got a, you know, you just. Yeah, the thing is with Jesse is once in a while, he doesn't know this, but just once in a while, I go, I figured out, because he told me where he lived, I figured out where his apartment was. I figured out, I followed a trail of clay once.

I said, that'd be where he lives. And so sometimes I check his garbage when he throws in, I check him. And if I see more in a week, if I see more than 50 tangerine peels, I call in and I say, somebody get Jesse out of the hole. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. The kid, and the reason why I was going to say the difference between you and Jesse is you're not a big fan of structure. it's not one of your favorite things.

No. You don't love it. No. Yeah. Jesse's a guy who if you take the structure for him, he needs substances. Right. Like he's a kid who relies completely on a structured day. Right. If you try to deviate for something, and it could be anything.

Yeah. His mother can call and say, I just fell out of a window. Yeah. I only have one leg now. Yeah. But right now is my time to be at the studio. Yeah. It's my time to peel a tangerine and stare at some of my paintings and think about ideas.

Yeah. And that's what is. And that's just what he likes to do. Yeah, because Jesse has a little thing we like to call autism. He's got a little thing called autism. He's got a little thing called sticking to his schedule. Yeah. Because if you take the schedule for him, he stares too deep into the abyss.

He doesn't know what to do. It's what it is because we got Jesse's Spectrum TV. That's what he is. Yeah. That's what he is. But my point is is that there's something there's, you know, I'm never really, you're right, never really present, never really locked in. So what it is is sometimes I like to just take a nibble.

a little bit, just a little bit. Not doing five, not even doing 10. I'm doing two and a half. And that with a little coffee, plus I had just the tiniest little bit of vodka at the bar. And then you just get it juiced up a little bit, just a sip, that's all I need. And then you feel good. And I just, I just feel a little bit lighter. I say the problems waiting for me. You know what? They're a little bit further away. Yeah. They're just a little bit further away. Like today when my pilot didn't get picked up, I didn't cry. Remember when I cried on the phone with you with Comedy Central? I didn't cry this time. No, but you were crying about a girl. you weren't about a girl but then I still cried to the Comedy Central

Executive. Yeah, yeah. So this day had all people on the phone with me and I just said I said listen I said it's all good. Yeah. I said you know things happen life goes on Hope is my hedge and I said I will be I will be just fine. Yeah. I was just smiling and and then and you know and then whatever I hung up I took it you know quick I ducked into the Broome Street bar took a quick sip of vodka and I walked over here and I called you. What I like about you is you believe because I believe there is these needs. There is these to be more people like you on the planet. There's a lot to learn about you. Yeah. A lot to learn. It's called fighting for the Christian army in the modern day crusade. That is what I'm talking about.

Yes. Yeah, people need to put down their plow, pick up their sword, and get in line. We're going to war. It's what it is. You know what I mean? You either get in or get out of my way. Get in or get out of Christian's way. So it's just what it is. And so edibles give me a little bit of space. And I enjoy it. And I feel like the real me. doing this. What I mean is you believe and people should believe. Yes. Delusional belief is what is good. Yeah. Believe in yourself. Believe in something. I mean, you just got to believe because when you were telling me it was a family friendly sitcom, I said to myself, where's Nate Bargatsy's family friendly cigarette? Right. If he doesn't have one, I was like, Chrissy's chances are slim, but I'd love that you take a cut. I love that you go for it. Because I'm around people, I grew up around people in Queens that believe. My friend James

Debo, Lil Debo, he believes. He believes in JetBlue. He believes in the Mets. And he believes he's going to have sex this year. And the kid just, he believes. Every year, believe. Yeah. And so that's what I grew up around. I grew up around, you know, a father who believed, he believed the Mets we're going to cover. Yes. Believe. Yes. Right. You believe that the spread is what it is and we're going to win big money and go get a house in Pennsylvania. You do believe. You believe. You believe. You believe. You believe. You believe. You believe. You're a You believe, you, you believe, you're straight. Yeah.

You wake up every day. You believe it's straight. Yeah. You got to freaking believe in stuff. It's what it is. We all, we got to have delusion. Nick believes in John Cena. He believes that he's going to win that match.

Yeah, it's just what it is. He believes that what's happening is real. Yeah. He believes it's not scripted. Yeah. Jesse believes in Apple stock. He believes in Apple stock. Yeah.

I mean, just the kid got Apple stock early. Yeah, Jesse believes. He believes. Yeah. You've got to absolutely 100% believe. Yes, he believes in fidelity. You've got to believe that the executive who's in charge of giving you that sitcom doesn't have a phone and he doesn't scroll and come across this clip when you're saying this to Bobby Lee.

Yeah, it's just what it is. When you're on bad friends going, hurrah! Yeah, yeah. Nick, if we do this as a clip, this is the reason why they get the sitcom and then you like, do that me. Yeah, Donald Trump. Yeah. You got to believe that that viral clip of you and Bobby Lee just is not. It's just not seen.

It's just not seen. And it does, yeah, it's just what it is. So now what we do is we move on. What we do is we've always been invested here in the podcast, but maybe we start doing an extra day. And then what, and then we'll try to get a game show. So 70-year-old people who can't get off the couch will like you. I try to get a game show.

That's the next dream. I try to get a game show. Or honestly, if over the next couple years, I realize comedy just isn't working out, then I go join the NYPD. That's what you can do. I get a fake license and I'll say I'm 10 years younger. And I go join the NYPD. I got waived it.

They, because I think they've, they have kept your application open. Son, you're the prodigal son. Yeah. When you, when you sign up for the test, they'll be like, yeah, he's home. He's home. He's home. Yeah, finally, we got him. They will celebrate.

And the other officers will go, how come you're not paying attention to us? Because they go, because he was, he was off, he was lost. Yeah. And we're celebrating the return. The return of one of our own. Yeah. Yeah. It's just what it is, the Messiah of Ridgewood.

Yeah, you just what it, you, your face belongs in the park, getting a snowball thrown in his head. It's what it is. And Mom Dami says it's a snowball fight. And then the next thing you know, you open up your Twitter and you see that the NYPD has prosecuted three people. It's what is. So the City Hall and the NYPD just have a different idea of what's going on. And what I can say is I think for the next four years, it's going to be a complete love affair between City Hall and the NYPD. It's what it is. Yeah. This is just the beginning of a love affair. A love affair. And, you know, and maybe I was at the beginning of something on today's date with the love. I don't know.

Yeah. But my point is, is everything's going to be okay. You let go, you let God, you know, because everything is okay. Everything is okay. And that's why Jesus Christ, I, you know, I'm more on his side. Yeah, I think everything is so okay. It's making you nervous. It's what it is. Yeah, I think it's so okay. You're going, where is the fun, fun, fun? Yeah, sometimes things are so okay that I just start growing skin tags to make me think I'm not okay. Exactly. I mean, you are so okay. Yeah. You're just so okay. Because now both chains around. It looks like you got a tongue sticking out of your sweatshirt.

Because I was in Bakersfield, California this weekend. I mean, talk about, I mean, because honestly, being in Bakersfield, California, I'd rather be living in Mumdani's asshole. I'd rather be a poll up. Funny you say that because if, I think if you took a peek, I think that's what it would look like. That's what it is, right? Do you have a lot of muzzies there? No, not a lot of muzzies there. but Bakersfield, California

is one of the most unique places I've ever seen in my entire life. It's an oil town. It's whatever. It's only two hours. It's only two hours from Los Angeles, right? So it's so close to Los Angeles, but yet so far, far, far to the right of it. Yeah. It is a right-wing oasis.

It's the most conservative town. So you're telling me we would sell big tickets and Baker's Fifth. Big! Yeah. Yeah. No, it's this little oasis of like working class, like farmers and oil well guys and lots of Mexicans. Sure. And they voted, one of the funniest things is they voted 74% against gay marriage in California.

Yeah. 74%. Yeah. So if you're in a Catholic family, seven out of the 10 siblings stood up and started gay bashing the other three. One thing I know about Mexican Americans, they are not okay with gay marriage. They're just not fans of it. They're not fans of it. Neither is the nation of Mexico.

They're not fans. They're just not fans. I think it's a predominantly Mexican area. And it's really interesting to see a place like that in California. Right. Yeah, it's also, I think, one of the meth capitals. It's got the worst air quality in California. I mean, it's just a place.

It's the forgotten. Because now... But the club is great. The club is great. The well comedy club shot out. How was the food? Did you find any good food? Because you do usually find the food.

Well, the best place in there has Guy Fieri's picture up on the wall. about as fancy as you're going to get. It's what it is. It's just what you're going to get. Could you walk around anywhere? Were you in a downtown area? It's a tiny little downtown with like a block or two. Anything cute? Yeah, it had a lot of guys with their shirts off, so you would like it. Yeah. But I wouldn't call them in shape. I would call them more dangerous looking. Oh, because they were on drugs. Something like that. I can't get AIDS twice. Yeah. But that's all there is to say about that is a very interesting place. Very interesting place. And what I get from the tone of your voices, you probably won't be going to back to Bakersfield anytime.

I have no plans at this moment to go take a second peek. It's what it is. Sometimes all you need is one peak to know if something's for you or if it's not for you. I was like that with Tacoma. I said, I took a peek by. Yeah, Tacoma. Bakersfield. Yeah.

I mean, it's a tie. Tie. It's a tie. It's a tie. People say what made Ted Bundy, Ted Bundy, was it psychopathy? Was he abused as a kid? I took one peek at Tacoma and I said Tacoma did it.

It's what it is. Yeah, that's what I did. That's what it is. Yeah. But shout out to Koma. If we ever go there, please buy the tickets. Yeah, if we ever go there.

Because I don't have anything going on. Because we talk about this almost every week now. Rag and Bone is our favorite store, the best pair of jeans I have that really fit my ass the way I like it. Ragged Bone. Yeah, I can't believe they're advertising on podcasts. That's wild. That's how good and quality their clothes are.

Because I got a pair of jeans from Ragamon. I wore them last weekend at my shows. Now, are they, the only thing is, though, with your job. just about the weight that's not going to make it in Ragged Bone. Yeah, so I was a little nauseous because it was a little tight, tight, tight on my waist, but that's nothing that a little dieting can't fit. Yeah, and we also, not only can you get a great discount here on Ragginbone, if you have any complaints about Ragged Bone, which you won't,

but if you have any complaints, Jesse does know where the owners live. They live. Jesse knows exactly the house they live in, so we can also get you that information for a price. But you won't because it's so quality. their clothes are so good they don't just make your new go-to denim they've perfected everything from buttery soft teas

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When they ask where you heard about them, you know what to do. Tell them that the history hyenas sent you there. Yeah. Yeah, Tacoma's a special, special place. So that was my weekend. Then I went to L.A. and I hung out with Tim Dillon. Yeah, because you got Snowden.

The reason why the episode's late, If you guys didn't couch our Instagram posts is Yanni was snowed in and I was on substances at a motel in Queens. But Yanni only got back into New York City yesterday and we were going to do an episode on Zoom, but we figured that's not, we don't like, you know, we want to give you always, the fans always quality. Yeah. So we're better in person. So it's a couple of days late, but hopefully it's a better episode. You guys like it. Now, Caz, are you going to be home for the next few months?

Are you still going back on the road? I am home for a while. Yeah. Because it gets a little tough for me when you're far away. You like to know I got two feet in the five boroughs. Three thousand miles away was rough on me. Yeah, I know. I'm just going to Boston in April and otherwise I'm home.

So you don't have to get on a plane. No, not for the foreseeable future. Isn't that great? You know how many times, by the way, because I came off the road and I'm going to start going back in November, but how many times I used the phrase foreseeable future? Yeah. I texted so many people I'm off the road for the foreseeable future. It's the foreseeable future.

And I just tell you the agents will do. Are useless. Oh. No, they will just do anything. to try to make you feel bad about the road and picket sales or whatever. And they just don't love the fact that the podcast is, it does well.

We just want the podcast to crash so you go back on the road. What we, all I could say to the fans is we seriously, like people say it, we actually genuinely mean it. You guys are the best fans. When we're on Patreon, Janice and I are dying, laughing,

sending comments back to each other all the time. Your YouTube comments are hilarious. And I'd so much rather just do this show for the rest of my life, which is probably not that long, and then go back and try to do any of this other Hollywood bullshit ever again because you guys give us the power to say and do whatever we want.

The thing is, we do have the funniest best fans. We really do. I love our fan base. I've always loved their fan base. They make us laugh. It's just one big circle jerk of fun. It's just what it is. And the names at Patreon are hilarious.

There's a couple of bangers in here. I took a peek at the list. And because, you know, and we'll get- We didn't want to do a topic today because we wanted to catch up. Yeah, because the topic was really more about, you know, what are we want? What are we looking forward to in life? And you're looking forward to being off the road.

And I'm looking forward to hanging out with Ryan. That's right. That's right. And so how do you feel that you're off the road till November? This is the first time in 15 years, probably. You've taken yourself off the road for a couple of months. Right. I've taken myself off the road for seven months.

So how I feel is I need a little spice. Yeah. So what we do is, you know, if we can't go on the road and get out that way, then you need to do a little bit, a little hand grenade to your life. That's what you need to do. Just create a little fun. No, I'm just joking. Yeah.

Everything's fine. Everything's all good. And, you know, it's nice to be, spending a lot of time back at my mom's house. Yeah, because you got big things coming up. You got big big things. Big things coming up. We got Soul Joel's wedding. We got Soul Joel's wedding coming up March 7th.

Yeah. And of course he figured out a way to book Mad Dog on March 5th and me on March 6th. It's just what it is. So he's using his weekend wedding to also produce shows. It's just what it is. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't have it any way. Neither would he.

So that'll be good. Because I'm going to get a check and then I'm going to hand it right back. Yeah, because the wedding is next week. And the wedding's next week. Yeah, because don't forget this one of the last one of the last one of the Are you going? Yeah. Yeah, we're going to have a good time.

We're going big. We're going to have a good time. Are you sleeping over? I'm sleeping over because I got to go there on Friday. I'm doing the show there on the 6th. March 6th. March 6. Potsdown, P.A. But so your wife's going to sleep over in Potsdown, PA for two nights?

She's sleeping over and Potsdown Pots down P. Because no, because your wife, that Potsetown is not cute. It's not cute, but she needs, I mean, she needs a little break. It'll be a night where she's away from the kids. Sure. And, of course, the whole time she'll be FaceTime and working on the kids. Thinking about the kids. That's what it is. You go out just to talk to the kids.

Yeah. But I need to take her on a vacation big. Yeah. What are you guys going to do? And she's a girl from Long Island, so we zeroed in on Fort Orleans. Fort Orleans. Fort Orleans. I like to call Long Island's French Riviera. It's one in it. Yeah. She's a girl likes Fort Lauderdale. She doesn't like Mexico. She doesn't like drama. She's not into whatever foreigners are doing.

Right. She just wants to be able to know that the hospital, they speak English. Yeah. You know, it's just what Long Island. Long Island people care about safety. Safety. imaginary or not. Yeah. They just want to feel safe.

Yeah. Even if there's nothing to feel unsafe about. It's what it is. So we always get a hotel as close to the hospital as possible just in case something happens. Is that really truly a thing? Because that's a 10 out of 10. It's all thought out.

It's like what's the weather going to be. She'll be talking about the weather for two weeks. She'll be watching the weather channel to make sure we get good weather. And she will definitely zero in and know where the hospital is in proximity to our hotel in case something happens. It's what it is. Well, yeah. Yeah.

Well, she has to do that because make. No mistake. You were skinny when the show started. Now you're fat again. And so you can always go down. You're at the weight where you could just go down. It's just so. And you always got a snooze in your mouth.

And you always got the wig in the back pocket ready to do a cameo. We all do what we got to do to get through. But I'm saying so she needs to know that yon needs to be close to a hospital. I need to be close to a hospital because you never know what I'm going to go down. It's what it is. It hits you all of a sudden. You never know when the subconscious is just going to hit you. You never know when your shadow is going to creep up and put you in a fucking full Nelson.

Well, we usually. know because we get a text out of nowhere. Yeah, we do get a text out of nowhere. Yeah, yeah, and we'll read those texts at patreon.com slash history hyenas. The list, as always, thank you. The only way to join the Patreon, join the show where the real fun is at is you got to go to patreon.com slash history hyenas. We read out the names. And I will say this, not a good time to vacation in Mexico. Yeah, I wouldn't go to Mexico if I were you. I would take a little break. Maybe I'd see if your, if your airline does a little refund. Yeah. And if the all-inclusive can book you for another year. Yeah.

now it's just a little hot right yeah no part of Mexico I would go to I wouldn't go anywhere I don't even go to Jackson Heights Queens so Lad of 14 sorry Nick alright so Keith Carlson then we got daycare monkey with a light bulb head

not bright just inbred put him on the list wow put him on the list you know what I'm too high to stop yeah put him on the list Xavier DeSales Shane avoids the blacker the berry the bigger the gooch Lad of 14 I don't get it it's a chicken

finger. All right. Kelly. Oh, then we got a guy who I haven't heard from in a while. Chrissy's power bottom. We've gotten like, we had that a lot. Yeah. The daycare center for fatherless children call it Somali Roy.

Wait a song she ain't. Oh. Oh, no. The daycare center for fatherless children call it Somal Leroy. Like a Somali daycare. Drexler. Okay. Let me ask you a quick question.

If you were gay, would you be top or bottom? If I was gay? Because it's nothing funnier than picturing your legs in the air. Yeah. I want to say that I'd be a top, but I'd probably be a bottom. Yeah, because you don't look like a bottom. That would be weird. Right.

And by the way, I understand that this entire... I understand the one thing that my family has asked me is to stop making all the gay jokes, and then I just did 45 minutes of them. So I'm sorry, I'm on substance. You can have to deal with it. Okay. Chase Silliger, Jordan Newberry, Twinkerbell.

That's funny one. That is what we call a definition of a chicken family. Yeah. Twinker Bell is a tank. Really good. Yeah. Winkerville. I'm actually, that's borderline, no?

Right. That belongs, doesn't it? I'd put it on. Yeah, put it on the list. Twinkerbell is too good. Nice. Colin Reed, Nathaniel, Natalie Booth, Brian Coppinger. Twinkerbell is actually Tim Dillon's little secret. It's what it is. It's a little secret group chat with a rotation of Quakerbell. That's actually a great app

to think of. Twinkerville. We call Twinkerbell. And it's like it's Grinders Competition. Yeah. It's Bears looking for Twinks. That's what it is. All right. Nick, make it. Dude, we just, Twinkerbell. Twinkerbell. It's a app. You're in. Nick's writing it down. Perverted Santa. Thomas Gulucci. Tommy. We don't like a perverted Santa.

That's what it is. Yeah. Unfortunately, those are the ones that work at the malls. Arthur Delgado, Ryan Skaggs, free agent guard going hard to the hole. Mason Meyer, DJ King, Aaron deep throat and toes to the ankle bones Jones. Wow. The kid gets deep in there. Uncle Leroy's Brown Rice Immediately abbreviated for Greek last name Farting the glue out Wait immediately abbreviated for Greek last name

Immediately immediately abbreviated her Greek last name I don't get it Yeah because the Greek names are long Right he almost got himself a Drexler Right Immediately yeah farting the glue out 9-11 You like that list?

Of course Yeah Parting the glue out 9-11 sponsored by 7 11. Oh, Jesus. It's good, though. What can you do?

Yeah, it's going to be gone to walk the end of one, but it's a good one. Easy, Brennan. Bring back taste buds, but it's just Chrissy Mook Bar. I've never been on that show. Honky boy divorced from my lady Leroy. Okay. Kelly Gallo, Ethan Hoffer. White kid who's got a divorce from his black one.

What it is? Yeah. Veterans Walk and Talk. Okay. Backdoor Trubidor. Drani $5 Bozo

Cronky 82 Drax The something I can't see it Santiago If I talk in my sleep Please go wrist deep And ventriloquist

Fist me Put him on the list Okay Yeah Put him on the goddamn list It's what it is M.J Silverfang Jonathan Norwood

Gabriel Nadler Seth McIntyre Brandon Nagel Straight to the back But it'll cost $3 Drexler They didn't

build the pyramids, just the tunnels underneath? Jewish joke? I think so. Yeah. Mindy Kates, Frisbee and Frisbee law. Yeah, I mean. It's basically, did you get yourself Frisbee and Frisbee?

And if you did it, then you should go get yourself Frisbee and Frisbee. Get yourself Frisbee and Frisbee. Thomas G. Sean Stokes, Moises, born and anchor baby, but only date white women, just to be sure. Put him on the list. That's what it is.

And I'm going to say contender. Yeah, that's what it is. say contender. I like when the fans give us like a statement or something about them in the name. It's very good. And I love it illegal who does his due diligence. Yeah, it's just what it is. Javier Sir Nass, Adrian Angelo, Eric Estrella, Purple Pocket Box,

came for the pod, stayed for the gay sex. Okay. Bill, frolicing around a Gaza airstrip, call me a faga. If you're reading this, Chris, I mean, you're gay. Folk U. G. K. R.K., Michael Heron. Christy Noam, stop taking Mexican kids

You're fucking up my backyard baseball game On the list Okay, there it is Cameron Begin Steve Kerr's son Nick We've had that Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah Sorry yeah I've walked into one but

They tried They try Last 14 Christian mayors Horchata cannon Uh Chrissy's ham cannon Sports card breaks

Somali pirates AK.Dings on dingies Way song she ain't It's what it is Yeah, I mean We can't But it's the walk into one What do I do?

It's the funniest one What do I do? Put it on the list Who cares I don't have anything in development God It's so funny Michael

Call me Miss Piggy And make me your meat And make me your meat puppet I'm in Tim Dillon's Basement on all fours I'm now a coffee table Okay, get through one Drexler

All right Siziki Tits with his sandy wife Thanks allah no fumes Mayo monkey with jungle fever Call me Tarzan Okay Okay Put my piece in a diner monkey

Now it smells like fetta It's just what it is It's true Lat of 14 Adamar HK First the Jews Now the Mexican Call it Franks and beans

First the Jew But the Franks Who I don't get Yeah Huh Frank Yeah Yeah

Oh, yeah. Good. Yeah. Creative, but it's a walked-in-in-a-one. Yes. She was a nice girl. Yeah. Nicholas.

Christ, she was innocent. Nicholas Macklam, Joshua Chaconne, built like a gyro, white and tight. Page B. There's a chink in my fence, and it's digging through my recycling bin. Lad of 14. Way song she ain't. Even Nick's laughing. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Do we put it on? I mean, if he didn't use that word. Yeah, but Jesse's in a mood to put him on. Should we just put it on? The fans will appreciate it. If we just put them on. Put them on.

You're going to just put him on. If we just used another word. If he just used another word. Yeah, because he kind of had me going. I mean, I didn't think it was going to get racial. If he just used another word, an Eastern Hemmy and my fence, but you think it through my recycling? Yeah, because they're good at that.

A chink makes sense. Because he meant like a chink in the chain. Like that's what I'm saying it wasn't racial. Like, you would say- Oh, it was racial. No, no, I know it ended racial. But I'm saying that's the word he needed to use because it got me. You know what I mean? Right.

If you use other word, it gives it away. If Nick's okay in it. Nick is our progressive far left judge. Does that get on? The New York Post did it about Jeremy Lynn. Remember that? Oh, yes. They chink in the armor.

Yeah. But is that okay. I mean, yeah, if it's okay for the New York Post. Yeah. And it's okay by Nick. If Nick says fine, then it's fine. Yes. Do it, Wiggas.

Yeah, true. Then we got Third Reich Puerto Rican babe. Okay, sounds hot. Ice makes me cream, walked into one. Matt McCusker has a bad case of the Leroy's. Oh, no, no, no, no, we don't want to do that. His wife's black. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't realize.

Okay, Matt's a good friend of the show. We'll hide Latina Mommies from ICE, one child per. Target, Bottatut, Tim Chandler, Sorolitos Birbas. UCF Tidant looking for blown coverage in the secondary. That's very good. Very good. Undercover. Yeah, Drexler.

Cousy-Wazzy has no hair. Muzzy Wuzzy is... Wait. Muzzy Wuzzy. Oh, Cousy-Wazzy-W-S-E-W-Z say a prayer. That's what he said. John Cholubis, victim of bad read, sorry. The artist formerly known as hashtag IT-L-E-R.

You get walked into one. Hitler, yeah, okay. Kiki, Michael, Ian Wenby, the Latinas can stay. I agree. Frisbee Free since 1933. Okay. Way Song Xian. Jesus Christ.

The thing is if you're going to be kind of like racist like that, it's got to be kind of one that stops. If you're going to take that swing, you've got to really hit. It's like a stand-up comic doing a bad Asian driver joke. You've got to make it a home run. And in their defense, they usually do. They usually do make it very good. Sammy B. Namin, Mark V, straight to the back, but don't touch my asshole. Drexler

Mac Leaky Roof for Epstein Proof The Emergency Banking Act of 1933 A.K. The Great Frisbee Heist Lad of 14 Andrew Oscar Valdez Furiana Gaming Brian Mahoney Jr. Joe Harkins, Travis Server

Angelisa Arjuno My Achilles heel makes her squeal Donkey riding FF send me to the glue factory. Derek and Sarah Argenteri U gay muzzy call it radical jisman and then last... Wait a second.

You like that? Radical jizlam. I'm going to put that on the list. Yep. I'm going to put the gay muzzy radical jizlam. That's made the list. Yeah, I really like that. And then we got, I'm not gay, I'm just greedy.

And we just got one more page, a few more names. You know, episode's a little delayed, so we'll just give it to you. And then, because we got it, we do have a great list. So this is good to stick around. Really strong list. Matt's Mossening, Cecilia Harvard, Ryan Bowes. Use a short straw to slurped my. poo.

Ethan Zerjewski. I love you, Dad. Say it back. I like that. This Leroy knows the golden ratio. Notchy. Whoops. Black guy, though. He plays black, but he made me say it.

Very funny. Fortunate. Walked into one very, you will. I mean, you're, I'm reading. It's your right to walk into that. Yeah. Yeah, it's a black guy. Yeah, I'm an artist.

I read, yeah, just read what's in the page. Not Convinciani can read. can he do the next five Mike cleaning out him Mike cleaning him out for it I got clipped by Father Francisco Um What is

His memory His memory came back I would alert the authority I would alert the authorities Yeah Papp smear enthusiast JT Thompson Kristen Sherman

JFK was a member of the peace party Yes Yeah he was a good big guy P IEC yeah Ryan Coon Frisbees are to be thrown So why not in the oven No Jesus

Class 14. Fixing one leaky roof at a time at roofer outlet.com. Good website. Andrew Leary. Throw tea in the harbor. I heard tea bag Harper. Okay.

Somali Shekel collector. I like my mini soda with lots of ice. Okay. Going for it. Sean Hammond, Andrew Risbinski, AK Mitts 907. How many fucking names do I have to create

to get on the list? Yeah, I'm sorry. give him a Drexler so you don't have to keep doing it. Brendan McConville, DC, open to daycare, now Captain Phillips is here. This list must be from a while ago because this is this is when we're doing, Somali. Yeah. We must be like a month behind, right at this point? Probably. Yeah. But we'll catch up to you, but that's why you got to join because listen. A lot of people join. We have a big Patreon. There's nothing we can do. You just listen. We will get to your name. And if you haven't joined, join you, Toot, Matthew Anderson, Quebec Fume Babe 51st State, Yoss.

Flew. Jesus. Jesus Christ. If I had two balls, I'd be in prison. Testosterone is a hell of a drug. Anita Cheeseburger, Drew, Steve Kane, and then last but not least, BB, the Frisbee gives me the Hebe Gibles. Okay? All right.

So we read. So now we have a list. Yeah. Okay, so we have a list. I think there's some, at first we thought it was pretty light, but then, as always, it just comes up with some, you know, some big ones.

We got one, LeBron James on there. I think it was like the third read. Okay, so let's go back to the beginning. Daycare Monkey with a light bulb head, not bright, just inbred. Okay, so that's more of a walked into one. Right. More of a walked into one. Twinkerbell?

We're keeping that around. Twinkerbell is, yeah. Farting the glue out, we're keeping that around. Okay. Yeah. And then we have gay muzzie, call it radical jizlam. We're keeping that around. All right.

There's a chink in my fence, and it's different. digging through my recycling bin. Way song she ain't. I'm leaving that to Nick. Keep it around. Nick saying keep it around. Yeah. I'm not touching anyone.

Yeah. What Nick is looking for, what Nick is doing is he's looking for a lawsuit that we get sued and then he's going to get a claim on and he's going to get more money. That's what he's getting. But still be able to claim SNAP benefits because he's in a lawsuit. Yeah. Nick is of a protected group and he says keep it around.

I just want to say that. Yes. Nick is a protected group. Yeah. If I talk in my sleep, please go wrist deep and ventriloquist fist me. Dad's got to stick around. It's a strong list. Born and anchor baby, but only date white women just to be sure.

We're going to Drexler that, even though it's really good. This is what you call any other day. Christy Noem, stop taking Mexican kids. You're fucking up my backyard baseball game. We're going to Drexler it very good, though. Somali pirates, aka Dings on Dingys. We have to legally. We have to legally.

Even the nation of Somali said, keep it. Yeah. It's so good, but we're going to Drexler it. All right. So here is the list. We've shaven this down to one, two, three, four. We got six on the, yeah, six on the list. Twinkerbell, farting the glue out.

There's a chink in my fence and it's digging through my recycling bin. That can't be posted on the site. So we're just going to have to, you know, it's one of those things that's just not fair. I think if you would have said Eastern Hemie, it could have worked as good. But then it doesn't, but then the word that he needed was the word he had to use. Yeah, but we can't use the word. You know what we'll tell this kid is he fights hard for this nation. He goes on Shane Gillis's website.

Yeah, he's farts on this. You know, he knew that there was only one, the only way to get the kill. He knew he was going to have to sacrifice himself like a kamikaze pilot. Yeah. And he did it for this, for this history and his nation. He knew using this guy to get him disqualified, but it's also the only way to win. It's the only way. He is actually the winner.

He's a kamikaze pilot. But he's dead. Yeah. You know what we'll do? He's in memoriam. He's here in memoriam. Yeah. You just created a new category called the Kamikaze pilot.

Yeah, we are the funniest, but we can't put you up. Yeah, it's just what it is. So you're actually the winner. You're the winner, but we just have, you're dead. Unfortunately, you died while trying to win. You died trying to win. I hope it was worth it, but you know there's no way we can put that on the website. It's just what it is.

Yeah. Okay, so they're out, but Godspeed, gay muslin, call it radical jizlam. We're keeping it, okay? if I talk in my sleep please go wrist deep and ventriloquist fist me it's wordy we're gonna it's a very funny visual right we're gonna direct slur it

all right any other day and then Somali pirates aka dings on dinghies you know we we gotta get rid of that legally but and you know what I'll say this is one of this interesting thing where this is like we are two

kamikazis on one episode if these were independent they both would have gotten the same award for the same reason, but they cancel each other out because Somali dings on dingies, we also can't post, but is a way to, but he's winning knowing that he's going to lose. Yeah. You guys, you guys, uh,

you guys are Pearl Harbor. Right. Yeah, they're Pearl Harbor pilots. That's what it is. Pearl Harbor pilots. Yeah. Pearl Harbor pirates. Yeah, Pearl Harbor pirates. Yeah. The Pearl Harbor pirates. And if you know, you know, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay, so the, the last three are Twinkerbell, farting the glue out, or gay muzzy call it radical jizlam.

What's the first one again? Twinkerbell. Keeping it. Yep. Yeah. Farting the glue out? We're going to Drex for that. Okay. So we got a runoff. Gay muzzy, call it radical jizlam. Those are two perfect chicken fingers.

Yeah. This is a toss-up because they're perfect. Can I just say? Yeah. I agree with you. Yeah. Wholeheartedly 100%. But it's, it's, One of those things where when you come down to this final round, it's, you know, one word, what's the knockout punch? Because he said gay muzz he call it radical jizlam when if he would have just put jizlam, we would have gotten the joke.

Right. Jizlam was enough. Right. But he put all the other words. So like, but he had to set up what jizlam is. No, but if he would have said jizlam, I would have understood that it's some type of homosexual Islam. Right. Because it's Islam covered in Jiz.

Right, right, right. So I would have understood it. And that's why Twinkerbell. Twinkerbell is a winner. Twinkerville could have also written like, you know, small Twinket, and then Twinkerville. So if Twinkerville didn't exist, radical jizlam's the winner. That's my opinion. What do you guys think?

I agree with that thinking. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with that. So Twinkerbell, you are the winner. Go to patreon.com slash history hyenas. Oh, I'm sorry. And go to History Hyenas is back.com. I see your name up in lights.

Twinkerbell, you are the winner. And I would just go ahead and DM Tim Dillon because you're in. Got it. Yeah.