History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - The Blood Countess: How Elizabeth Bathory Became History’s Deadliest Woman

Episode Date: April 3, 2025

The boys take you back to Transylvania to explore one of history’s most notorious serial killers, Countess Elizabeth Bathory. Did she really bathe in the blood of virgins? Was she as evil as they say, or was she framed because she was a wealthy woman owed money by King Matthias of Hungary? Support our sponsors Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to https://RocketMoney.com/hyenas today. #comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://teespring.com/stores/historyhyenas Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

But here's what it say, the hindsight is what? Twenty-twenty-cause. Yeah. Twenty-twenty-cause. Or for me, it's just twenty, it's one eye. Yes, one eye. Welcome to another episode of History Hyena's what's up everyone it's Chris DiStefano aka Chrissy Grease hair with me as always Janis Papis Papis, AKA Yanni, is about to get a cold, Papis. Yeah, because I'm sitting in the room with two guys

who slept with the same guy last night and they both got a cold and it's just what it is. And it's just part of your personality that you gotta have more than one name. It's what it is and Jesse is getting sick and you never really see the kid getting sick. And Yannis came in and said, and I said, I don't feel good. And then Giannis said, Oh, do you guys have a cold?

And what I said is to me, I said, listen to me, you FCF. You're a man. You didn't, you didn't use an acronym. You said the word because we weren't being recorded. Well, because I said the word because we weren't in the first minute of the YouTube algorithm where we have to be clean. Yeah. Cause we're trying to get up.

We're, we're trying to make sure every episode we do gets monetized. You called me a pussycat. Called you a pussycat because I said, listen, guys get sick, OK, you're going to have to deal with it. All right? I said, you know, these people are like, oh, you're cold. Don't come near me.

It's like, you know what you are? You know what you are? Yeah, you're supposed to take the germs straight on the face as part of being a man. Yeah. And that's what the news should have said during the epidemic, the pandemic. Yes. They should have said just, it should have just been women and children only.

Yeah. It should have just been women and children only. Yeah, well, if you tell me, if you say to me, hey, you have a cold, please don't come near me. I said, well, you're a white guy that voted for Kamala. Yeah. That's what I know. You're a white guy for Harris.

Yeah. You just got to take it on the face And it's just women and children We got to get back to the women and children only and men are dispensed men are dispensed well And I'm telling you cuz I'm telling you because I am do not forget it that I'm a licensed physical therapist You are you'll get your you'll put your hands on somebody but not in the way you think do not forget it exactly I'll go soft. I will massage you down big do not forget one fact I'm a licensed physical therapist because I went to New York Institute of Technology

in Old Westbury which has two high property taxes for me. Yeah. But know that you are getting sick. Because. And I feel a cold coming on from you. Your cold is coming at you in a different way. It's coming at me in a different way. Can you just admit to the people

it's been a secret project so we're revealing it now, we're letting everybody know that Chris will be starring in the new Grease movie coming up Yes, and it's just what it is cuz I'm gonna you're gonna be playing in Greece. I'm playing Greece I'm actually playing Frankie one of the pink ladies. Yeah, I Just I mean look at your hair Your hair really just looks like you're in West Side Story. I you like it though? Yeah, it's like, I love it. You got a curl hanging down again. I want to fucking hang an ornament on it again.

I mean, you look like the 1950s coming to life. You just, it looks like you want to tell Puerto Ricans to get on the other side of the avenue. Cause I'm Chrissy the crooner. Yeah, cause I went, I went, I did my. I want to go get a soda pop with you. Yeah, cause I went, I did Madison Square Garden this week and I opened up for Tom Square and I came out just saying yeah it's just what it is.

Cuz I love that go get tickets to see Chrissy at Madison Square Garden on September 11th 2001 go celebrate the tragedy of America by laughing. By laughing and make no mistake cuz I already said on the Sam Roberts show I did this morning and my agent told me not to, but I did it anyway. Just go see me. The show's been moved to the theater. So you could have come to the same building. There's just going to be a security guard there telling you guys to go.

Your show's actually downstairs. It's not upstairs. You can say, you know, I'm seeing Christie's in the arena. Go, yeah, no, it's in the basement. Yeah, but listen, you did the garden opening for Tom Segura and you're doing sections of the garden. I'm doing sections of the garden. It's like you're around the garden, you're peripheral around the garden,

but you're in the garden, you're courtside, you're at the garden, you shot promos to do the garden. You did everything but the garden, but you did all the things leading up to the garden. And I'm gonna still continue to do promos promoting the garden, it's just after every promo it's gonna say dot, dot, dot, the theater. It's just after every promos going to say dot dot dot the theater. That's just, and my merch is going to say MSG, not my merch is going to say 9-11 MSG

dot dot dot the theater. But here's the thing. People have such a short memory and they don't care so much and moves news moves so fast. You just used like when your kids grow up, you say you show them the promos of you in the garden, say daddy was at the garden. That's all it is. That's all you got to do. And here's what I'd like in the garden, say daddy was at the garden. That's all it is. That's all you got to do. That's all it is. And here's what I'd like to do.

And you technically are at the garden. Now, what I want to do is I want to do a Bay Ridge Boys sketch series with you, because we used to do the Bay Ridge Boys. And we put one out. We put out Chris Mont and the crew of 82. And we're dropping hints at patreon.com slash history hyenas.

That is where all the fun apps on the show, patreon.com slash history hyenas. That's where our community is. That's where our CUS community is. It's $5 a month. It's a cup of coffee a month to just join our matriarchy. So that's where you need to be. But I think what we should do is start bringing these Bayridge

Boy sketches back. And I think we should start like so. But make them like where we're dads, like Bayridge Boys dads. And I think at least for a few of them, at the end, let's somehow make it a MSG at the theater, like little promo at the end. Like the Bay Ridge boys are coming to the theater. Yeah. Is there any way I could put it?

Cause here's the truth now. Now you're on the show. So it's what it is. So now Maurice is just on the show. Yeah. I was going to say, is there any way that I could play a trans woman in these sketches? I just want to find ways to be a trans woman. Cause you're on the show and Sergio's on the show and everyone's just on the show now. So that's what it's become It's an improv show now with ten people. It's on the show and now we just aren't giving this section of you know We're giving money away to the first response

So that's just what it is. Okay, it's become a benefit fucking sketch show Yeah, but so it's just what it is. But you know what the people love about you? You know what I love about you? Cause you went for it on 9-11. You were like this, let's go. Let's put it on 9-11. I mean, I'm not sure if that was the best day to do a comedy show.

Cause in hindsight it was, but here's what they say. Hindsight is what? 2020 cause. 2020, yeah. 2020 cause. Or for me, it's just 20. It's one eye. Yeah, it's one eye.

But cause we went for it and here's the thing Now what we got to do is two words that probably define me as you being what we got to do is we got to back out Yeah, you got it now just back out. Yeah, you got it in and then we got a back out Yeah What happened is you're too drunk to drive and you handed your keys over to somebody else? Yeah, back the car out of the driveway for you cuz I just got a back out But I don't think anyone's better at backing out than me. No, you're good at backing out. You're good at going sideways. You're good at going forward.

You're good at movement. Cuz I can move. Yeah. You're not a Buddhist. Yeah, I'm not a Buddhist. Yeah, you're not a guy who could go to the eastern hemisphere and sit down with a shaman and sit still. You'd be jittering. You'd be biting your nails. You'd be chewing feet. Yeah, it's what it is cuz- Cuz how was your week?

It was this cute and sweet or were you chewing feet? Cuz I was cute and sweet because I got to open up for Tommy Segways. Tommy, uh, uh, Redman was calling him Tom Sagar. Cuz black people just don't know who the white comets are. They just can't do white names. Yeah, he called him Tom Sagar and then called him Tom Saguwa. Like in O knocked the aura. And then here's what's great about Redman,

we introduced ourselves to him, right? I said, hey, you know, I'm Chris Estefano, this is Joey Diaz, we're gonna be opening for Tom, Redman's going up first, and then Tom's people said to Redman, listen, you know, Redman, you go up, all you gotta do is do your music. Just do your music, crush 15 minutes, amazing.

And they knew it was gonna be more like 2025, because just what it is. So they said- Black guys run the light. Right, they just budgeted 25, which is what he did, and it was great, he was killing. I said, and then you don't gotta do anything, Tom is gonna be on the voice of God mic in the back,

and he's gonna bring up Chris. Chris is the first comic up, and then you're free. He was like, got you, baby, got you. Looked at all, got you. Red Man does this set, crushing, he goes, now y'all ready for the man you here to see y'all ready and then the crowds going nuts like Tom cigar and then and then Tom had to get on the voice of God my ghost guys guys no no it's not me it's not me yet we got a couple of comments and then red man comes down the stairs and sees me and Joey stand there and he goes,

y'all, I forgot about y'all. And then he just walked to his green room. So it was just like, you can't even get mad at it. It's like, you know what? It's amazing experience. Yeah, it's, you know, mishaps happen and today we're gonna be talking about a young lady who possibly was the inspiration for Dracula.

Her name was Catherine Bethory. Catherine Bethory. I'm sorry, Elizabeth. Elizabeth Bethory. I was going to say Elizabeth Bethory. And what I really, and we're going to talk about her. She was born in 1560, died in 1614. She is a wild, wild woman.

And we're going to get to it. But I just want to acknowledge very quickly that if you want to ever know, if you ever wondered, if the kid Yanni P even though he looks like Rachel Maddow if you thought the kid was not from Brooklyn think again because he just said Dracula and if you put an R at the end of the word Dracula you're from one of the five boroughs cuz so the kids from Brooklyn even though he's from the gay part, Park Slope, he said Dracula.

And that's how you know the kid is born and raised in New York City. Yeah, there's two ways. Dracula and buffet. Yeah. You don't call it a buffet, right? No, I call it a buffet. But again, I'm from the straight line. But Dracula?

Because Dracula. Now we have what we like to call a New York moment. Dracula. Did I say? I guess I did say Dracula. Yeah, Dracula. You had what we like to call a New York moment. Dracula, did I say, I guess I did say Dracula. Yeah, Dracula. Dracula, you can't, yeah we just can't say words like Dracula. Dracula, yeah.

How do you say it? I would have said Dracula. Dracula. But you said it. So, because there's sometimes where people will be like, oh Yanni, you know, did he lose his New York accent? Did he lose, and the answer is no, because he said Dracula.

Yeah, it comes out on certain words. Yeah. It comes out on certain words, but I try to, my dad always said, say this, that, these, and those. That's what it is. That's what he said, to try to get rid of the Brooklyn accent, you go this, that, these, and those, but then he would go, Puerto Ricans by a Johnny pump.

Yeah, that's what it is, in the vestibule. Yeah. Now, here's the thing, is you had a great subject idea. You had a great topic of a guy who we were going to talk about yesterday. And then I said, I tried to save the fan base for another week, but it's only one more week. I bought you guys.

Yanni wanted to do yet another Greek. Yeah. And I said, we can't do another Greek, because you guys said no more Greeks. And I said, I bought you one week, the fans of No Greek. We're going to talk about this girl, Elizabeth Bathory, who's wild, but just know, next week it's going Greek. Yeah, we're going Greek, and how great is that guy

that he used to jerk off in public? I mean, just stick around for next week. I did a little research into that guy. That guy was, he's one of the fathers of cynicism, and he was a fucking wild dude. He insulted Alexander the Great in front of Alexander the Great and all that, and Alexander the Great just loved the guy.

He's like, I want to be this guy. Yeah, and he lived most of his life in a barrel. So I mean, that's just what guys on 6th Street and Austin do now. The guy lived in a barrel. I mean, we got a wild one for you, but we got a wild one for you today as well, because make zero mistake about it, me hentai. Elizabeth Bathory was mytholized, is that the word? Sure. Mythologized. Sure. As the chick who used to bathe in the blood of virgins, although now historians say

that's not true, but this bitch was probably set up by the patriarchy to take a fall so King Matthias didn't have to pay her family back the debts, but she was torturing a lot of chicks. She was a serial killer She was a serial killer. She lived from August 7 1560 to August 21st 1614 she belonged to one of the most powerful aristocratic families in Hungary, which I just say hungry Yeah but it is hungry and the thing is with this lady as as Yana's alluded to is we're not sure if this is facty-whacky or if this is

patriarchy inventing stuff because she was just a crazy bee because that's what they did with the Salem witch trials. The Salem witch trials was just, and we've done an episode on that, we will do a further inspection to Salem witch trials. The two things about the Salem witch trials were, which is around this time, but just in the US, is number one they think it was like a weed, a ragweed that was growing, that was like making people crazy. And two, they really just think that all the women at that time, their periods synced up and they were just being a little bit more mouthy.

So they said, so the patriarchy at the time said, well, you know what? Your witch is going to burn you alive for talking back. Yeah. And that's what happens. Yeah. You just get burned at the faggots. Yeah. You don't have to bleep that one. You don't have to bleep that one because technically that's what happened. Yeah, you just get burned at the faggots. Yeah, you don't have to bleep that one. You don't have to bleep that one

because technically that's what those sticks are called. Yes, and I think we found a title of an episode. Yeah. Burned on the faggots. That's what, okay. You can't get censored. I mean, it's like. We're talking about a wooden stick from England.

Yeah, we're talking about the snow. It's like the sticks, that's where the word comes from. The sticks that they put underneath the witch that they burned were called faggots. So I wonder where the slur came from then I wonder if it's if it's fiery burning them right it's probably not from a good place right yeah like originally the n-word with 2 G's comes from the Latin with 1 G. Right. Is that true? Yeah, which just means black in Latin.

Got it. It's just the guys that said it, once Italian guys got it, and they put a little umph behind it, and once Southern guys put a little umph behind it, it became slur. Sort of like maverick in Greek, just means black, but when a Greek guy says it,

it's different. He says it with a little malice. Right, right, right. So the N word technically just means black. It's like Jesse can say, oh, I'm a Jew. But if I say Jesse's a Jew, it's different. Exactly. It's just the way you say it.

That's all. Oh, there's a Jew in the room. Right. If you say it, but hey, there's a Greek in the room. You say it like that. But if you go, there's a Greek. Yeah, it's a problem. Yeah, it's the way it's how disgusted you are. Like when you say it, you just can't get away with it. that, but if you go, there's a Greek. Yeah, it's a problem. Yeah, the way it's how disgusted you are.

Like when you say it, you just can't get away with it. Right, right. Yeah, it just, you know, you're a Nazi kid, and it's just what it is. In your heart, you want to be at the garden, and we know why, because you wanted to revamp what happened there in the 30s. You wanted to bring Ridgewood back.

It's what it is, because the only other Ridgewood people to fucking headline the garden were Nazis. It's what it is, because, yeah, it's what it is is, and I said every time I say the word Jew in my head it computes as pew. Wasteful cheating. I'm just kidding. Yeah, we're just fucking around. It's just a hair joke. But let's talk about Elizabeth Bathory Cousin.

Now she has a little accent on the A, so how do we pronounce that right? Is it Bathory? Bathory? Like, is it just, what is that? How do you say that? It's some, in some sort, we have to call Lukasz to ask, because this is like a pierogi part of the world. She's from the pierogi part. At this point, like, it's Hapsburg, Austria, it's Hungary. I don't know what's going on over there. I don't really start paying attention till Franz Ferdinand gets clipped. That's what it is. And then after that I'm going like, okay, there's something going on.

But it was like the Ottomans and them were fighting all the time and they had counts and they had all these countesses and stuff like that. They're just fucking Eastern European kids. They're Eastern European kids. So here's what it is. They all look like Luka Doncic. Yeah. So here's what it is.

She belonged to a very powerful aristocratic family in Hungary, aka Hungary. They had a long history of military. Her family, the Bathrys, they had a long history of military, her family, the Bathory's, they were like the Kennedys, okay, they had military leaders and politicians and a king of Poland, one of them was the king of Poland, well-educated, spoke multiple languages, so this was like not a psycho, you know, like a lot of, you know, women back then, they would do crazy stuff, but they were psychotic, they were prostitutes, they were trying to do things to like make ends meet, they

do anything, not this lady. This lady was well-educated and just a well-to-do. It would be like if, you know, Meghan Markle or somebody just started killing every, started killing and eating kids. Yeah, she was a woman of privilege. She spoke like four languages. She was inbred. That family was known to inbreed a little bit and...

Just what it is. Yeah, her parents were related and that's just part of the deal when you're a royal and she did have seizures when she was a kid so now it would just freak out a lot and she would have seizures so we know now when people have seizures and and and that you know when you look back in history they had these mental health conditions where see a lot of people with seizures and maybe are back then they lose empathy over time it rattles a part of their brain if you have a certain part of seizures so she might have actually not been really crazy. She might

have just had a neurological condition that went unchecked. Yeah if her brains were eggs it wouldn't be sunny side up they'd be scrambled. Be scrambled. Now here's the thing because she's inbred and we don't have an actual picture of her you can bet your bottom dollar her eyes were as close as Yanni's. That's just part of what happens when relatives have sex with each other is the eyes just get pulled in a little bit. Yeah, here's the thing. I look at a face like yours, I look at eyes like yours, and I say, you may not think your mom and dad were brother and sister, but your face tells a different story.

Well what happens is when you come from a lineage of second class citizens and slaves and stuff for so long, the Romans, the Turks, you can just see that my ancestors were constantly getting their heads put in vices, and so they were just squeezing the head together, and so eventually I was just bread with a face that looked like it got molded in a vice. Yeah, molded, yeah, that's just what it is. I got a face that looks like I owed the mob gambling debts

and they put my head in a vice. Yeah, now what did we say about you two, what did we say why, we figured out too via text last week, why your head is as small as it is, because it was fitted for something. What did we say about you two? What did we say why? We figured out to via text last week why your head is as small as this. Cause what is, it was fitted for something. What did we say in the text? It was fitted for a, oh, it was fitted for a, the Muslim thing, the wrap.

Right, the wrap. Yeah, cause there's a, if we can post a picture of what Yanni, what do you call the head wraps? You call it a muzzy cap. A muzzy cap. Yeah. Cause Yannis, when you look at somebody did a thing of Yanis. Yeah. By the way, patreon.com slash history hyenas is where the fans have been making

all of those Photoshop photos that we post on our Instagram. Uh, so go over there and join. We need you to just become members of the show. Yeah. You need to, the matriarchy over there is goes wild and they have fun. Yeah. We get in the chat with them. I'm sending this to you now Jesse. This is, this is what whatever you call it, whatever you call the muzzy cap. That's what we figured out that actually Yanis's face was designed to be Muslim. Yeah, so we're gonna get keep that story for the end. We're gonna end, we're gonna

bring back our beautiful segment that we used to do it every day on Patreon. What the fuck of Florida? What the Florida is what we used to call it. What the Florida? What the ffff- Florida! It's, it's, cause you know, Florida stories are crazy, so we just love looking at local Florida news. Here's the thing about Elizabeth Bathory. Supposedly she was kind of a piece. That's what I say. She was a little bit of a piece. And then she marries this dude. They all got fucking parogi names. And this guy is

Off at war all the time against the Ottomans, and he's a celebrated war guy right and he's also pretty vicious right vicious dude There it is right there Here's Yanni. Come on. He so y'all that's Yoni. Come any Yeah, I had totally odd II. Yeah, so Yanni space right there, so Yanni space Can you pull that up for them Jesse well on the on the video? Yeah, it's it's face right there. So Yanni's face. Can you pull that up for them, Jesse, on the video? Yeah, it's just Osama bin Papas. So this is why when people have asked, does his skull so small because he has a woman's brain? And maybe.

Is his skull so small because inbred? Maybe. But the real answer is the skull was designed to be this. It was designed to have that headgear on to be a full muzz and that's just what it is. It's just what it is and they got they put Chrissy my favorite Chrissy first of all they make me die laughing when the when the fans make this but the wall patron patron that comps. That's right the one that caught me with Chrissy is when they put him in Stephen Hawking's chair. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That one I just can't, there's a few I just can't get enough of.

Because it is a seamless edit. Yeah. And the one where they made you a Chinese, like a ho Chi Minh kind of Vietnam soldier. Yeah. It's just what it is because we're just, we're just having a good time here. Now. The three men with the baby is like a seamless, it looks seamless with me, you and Sergio. Yeah. And then of course they put us, uh, unfortunately a lot. They do a lot where they put us in the Nazi party. Yeah. It's just what it is. And it's just, it's just par for the course. And then in the back, they put Debo.

I mean, and the smile, it's a little, it's a little scary. It's scary and it's hard to take, but it's funny how seamlessly you fit in that uniform. Yeah, because you don't fit in that one. You don't fit. But I look pretty, like I look like a guy from the 1940s. Yeah, because just your smirk, I mean, and then the ones they did to Sergio are just funny. Yeah.

They made him George Costanza. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Sergio's got teeth. Sergio's got. That's why I think he loves beavers, because in another life the kid was just a beaver. It's what it is. He's got a face that looks like he could chew on wood.

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different accounts so I can clearly track my spending habits and see where I can cut back, Chris. Here's the thing, Rocket Money, what is it? It's a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, it helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. I want you to be a grower, not a shower, baby. Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view

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Saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. Yeah, I had Rocket Money before we started this podcast again and I canceled it and got it again with our promo code. Yeah, it's what it is. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with rocket money go to rocket money dot com slash hyenas

hyens today, that's rocket money dot com slash hyenas H y e n a s you forgot the end. Oh, it's just what it is I just want to be crystal clear that it's rocket money dot com slash hyenas H y e n a s rocket money dotcom slash hyenas, H-Y-E-N-A-S, rocketmoney.com slash hyenas. Now here we go, Elizabeth Bathory, now she gets accused a lot of torturing and murdering hundreds of young girls, mostly the servant girls, the local peasants.

They say she bathed in the blood of virgins to preserve her youth, that's why they call it the blood countess, okay? Now, historians say maybe that didn't happen, but my thing is like, why would you be making it up? Right. Right? It's like, you don't just pick, I bathed in the blood of virgins out of nowhere. Right. Maybe, maybe it's not as many as I said it was, but you definitely have to do it at least once, no? Well, it depends. Maybe the fucking establishment back then just me-tude this bitch. Seriously? Yeah, they just me-tude her.

Yeah. Like the accusation just went out and that's just what it was. People believed it. Here's the story according to historians. First of all, she's probably the inspiration for Bram Stroker's... Dracula. Yeah, I just stroked on his name. His name was a stoker.

It's Bram Stoker. And you just had a Bram Stoker because you already said that in the beginning of the episode Yeah, cuz should we just call them Bram when you have a stroke your you're having a Bram Stoker Bram Stoker, the kid had a Bram Stoker Kid had a Bram Stoker. So yeah, Bam Bam Stoker. Yeah. Yeah But also Vlad the Impaler so it was a combination of two, but she was a count She was a literal count. She was a countess So count Dracula's, you know, and she was supposedly drinking the blood was a literal count. She was a countess. So Count Dracula, you know,

and she was supposedly drinking the blood of virgins and stuff like that. So I think Bram Stroker just combined, he combined Vlad the Impaler and he combined, we should do an episode on Vlad the Impaler. I feel like we did one already, did we not? I don't know, because the kid liked to impale people. Back then people, the punishments that they levied, it was a little harsh. Yeah, it's like, you know what, guy? I don't know what, I know you're a little upset. You gotta pay a little bit. I know how to set up a steel pipe, Chris.

Yeah, it's like, you know what, guy? I know you might be a little bit upset that they're not giving you the pretzels you want on the airline, or you gotta pay a little bit of high property taxes, or you're not, things are not as convenient as you want them to be in 2024, but what if I just 2025? Yeah.

But what if I just impaled you? Yeah. What if we just lived in Romania? Yeah. And for you complaining, I just impaled you. Yeah. What about that? Yeah. Because things are not as bad as that. Yeah. Just like I said, this on my Instagram last week, and I mean it, I like I'm looking for neighborhoods now to move my family into that I wanna go towards the racist. I wanna go, not that I'm my family's racist, I wanna go towards a racist neighbor because I want a guy to come out with a bat a little bit and say, hey, are you parking in front of my house?

And I'll say, yeah, because it's a public street. And they'll say, you're going to move your car. This is my property. Even though it's legally the city of New York's property. But those guys typically, for years, have been pariahs of society, problematic. And I get why. I'm not saying I agree with his opinions.

But I am saying, guys like that, they keep the neighborhood safe a little bit. And they just keep the guys who want to cause problems out. Because you're not going to live on that guy's block and start bitching and complaining about the school zones. Or you're not going to make a noise complaint on a block with a guy like that. A guy like that's going to say, you know what, if that family who pays fucking their mortgage here wants to put the music a little out because his family's Puerto Rican then that's what they're

gonna do right and I saw I'm getting a little sick and tired of just everyone being free to do whatever they want whenever they want we're gonna bring back impaling law and order law and order it's what I voted for now you know that we're gonna have a Democrat come back and lead the city then it's gonna be Andrew Cuomo. Because he likes a little criminality too, and we got it. If you want to save your city, then you need the Italians back in charge. Because guess what?

Guess when New York was safe when the mafia was running it. It kind of was, unfortunately. For black, white, Latino, Asians, as long as you weren't messing with the mafia, you were safe. Yeah. Okay? A lot of people, now they were racist for sure, but you know what? If you were a non-Italian family

living on a mafia guy's block and you were just a well-to-do citizen not causing any trouble, and somebody caused you trouble, they'd help you too. They'd help you too. So it sounds like what you're saying is, what you basically wanna do is grab a steel pipe,

when you hear someone and you wanna go, are you from this neighborhood? And you wanna take that steel pipe and you wanna rattle it, you wanna rattle it against the light lamppost yeah I'm gonna just hit it warrior come out to play kind of style yeah just rattle and say this is steel pipe Christie's block yeah and I like law and order and I like law and order and and and also I see you coming

out in a bathrobe and boxers with a steel pipe and just rattle it again a street light yeah and here's the thing I gotta be. And I got a new rule too. If your mode of transportation isn't anything other than a car, I don't think you're a guy. So if you come down my block on a bicycle or scooter, you fold up. You're not a guy. And also if your car doesn't have a back seat, you're not a guy. And if you're an immigrant and you're not part of Chrissy's family, he wants you out.

Yeah, that's the only immigrants you want in your family. No, I like, no, I love immigrants as long as they, as long as, you know, as long as they vote Republican. But nothing about that. As long as they got it, I'm just sick and tired of just guys, just being women. Right. You want guys back. I want, I want you to just be a guy.

Right. Like when you said, don't come near me because I don't want to get sick either. I said, you're not a guy. Right. Yeah. You want men back. I want men back. We've now had enough. Yeah. This is Chrissy Tate right here. Yeah. I'm just complaining. I've had enough of the complaining. You just enough, right? Yeah. Enough of the victim mentality. Just stop it. Suck it up. Go to work. Yeah. Go to war and protect the border. It's what it is. Get out of my neighborhood, Chrissy. It's what it is. Cause yeah. And so, and so for me, it's one of those things. Now, how does that compare?

How does that tie into Elizabeth Bathory? It doesn't at all, but we still all enjoyed it because steel pipe Chrissy is back. It's been a while and I'm back and here's how, here's how it ties in, because Bathory was cruel and abusive. Yes, she was. Cruel and abusive, and sometimes you have to bring that back a little bit. Sometimes you gotta take one step back to take 10 steps forward.

Yes, you could basically shay and cackle this. She's... Of... Hungry. It's what it is. You cackle that. What it is. And cut it on the Patreon.

Yeah. Now, the reason why she may have been framed, they say, is she was a powerful woman in a male-dominated world. Her wealth and land were desirable. King Matthias of Hungary, which by the way, went to Saint Matthias in Ridgewood, Queens. So that's wild. It's a great name, by the way. Matthias, Matthias.

It's a strong, powerful. Do you know who Matthias was? He was one of Jesus' guys. He stepped in, he was the backup apostle. He stepped in when Judas killed himself, Matthias stepped up. He was the sixth man. Wow, so he was kind of like Tom Brady when Drew Bledsoe got hurt. He stepped up and he did good.

He stepped up and he took Linda Stefano to freedom. He took her all the way. Yeah, you light a candle for the apostle Matthias. Matthias, so people didn't like her that she was a wealthy woman, she was a powerful woman, a male-dominated world, so they said they started making up stories about her. But there also could just be the truth is that

she didn't like girls. She just didn't like women and she thought they were annoying so she started killing them. Yeah, I mean, definitely from what they say at this time if you were a noble person You couldn't be prosecuted and you can do whatever you want to your save. You could really tune up your servants That's what it was. She was someone who liked to tune up her servants. Right? There was one Story where some servant was brushing her hair and it pulled her head a little back a little bit and she just struck her.

She just struck her. She just gave her a nice clean fucking hook. That's what it is. And that's just kind of the chick she was. And so her husband was this war guy who was kind of brutal, was known to be brutal and learned a lot of torture methods that he would put on the Turks, which I'm not mad at.

Right. I'm not mad at. Right. Right? I'm not mad at that. I see, I listen to it. I go, oh, this guy was a little brutal with the Turks that he was fighting and he tortured a few of them. I'm going, hey, sometimes that happens.

What can you do? Sometimes everyone's got to go to work and earn a living. Right. So if you torture a couple of Turks, Yanni ain't protesting. What it is, and that's just the way the cookie crumbles. It's not racist if Yanni says that, because that's Yanni's point of view. That's Yanni's truth.

That's my truth. Yeah. That's my truth. If I hear, hey, look, you like to torture some Turkish soldiers, I give you a sticker. Yeah. I give you a sticker and say you've been a good girl. It's what it is.

That's what I do. I give you a sticker. Like, when my daughter does something right, kids love stickers. Yeah. I don't know why. They put them on themselves. They put what I do. I give you a sticker like when my daughter does something right, kids love stickers. Yeah. I don't know why they put them on themselves, they put them on the floor, they love a sticker. So for her husband, I would have just given him a sticker and said job well done. But the word is that he came back and he started teaching Elizabeth, his wife of 29 years, he would come back home after war and he would teach her some

of these methods and say, Hey, why don't you tune up to servants with some of these methods that I learned from war? Right. So she started progressively getting a little more brutal, and then she kept inviting servants to come live at the house, and those people, those girls were just disappearing. Right. They were just disappearing. They were just disappearing.

And then she would say, oh, they died of cholera or whatever the thing was, but then she started running out of girls. So the thing is, they don't, it's tough to pull this story out of nowhere. There had to be some truth. And back then it's just death and dying was just a little bit more normal. It was a little bit more acceptable. It wasn't like shocking if you killed someone. You could go into a room and say, I just killed somebody down there. And they would say, well, what can you do? Yeah. Let's have some pheasant. Yeah. it was just, yeah, let's eat. It would be like, I just cut someone's head off

of what's for dinner. Right, it was just part of life back then. And I also think, do you ever think like too, like we're no different than those people back then. We're no less barbaric. They just have cameras now. We'll just get caught easier now. But if you turned all the cameras off

and there was nobody around, do you think you could probably be, and we would probably be as barbaric eventually as those people? Without the cameras? I think the only difference between us and them is there's cameras. People play by the rules when there's cameras. When there's no cameras,

you start to play by the rules a little bit less. There's definitely a lot of truth to that, for sure. I tell my daughters, when you go out there in the world, you do the right thing even when nobody's looking. Yeah. Because that's a big thing. You can't just do the right thing

because you think someone's looking. You gotta do it when nobody's looking. Because the truth is when nobody's looking, it's when you wanna get a little naughty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why there's probably just like a lot of atrocities happening in the world that nobody cares about because those parts

of the world don't have cameras. I'm sure on the African continent there's some brutality going on but it's just not as filmed. Because some of the biggest atrocities, terrorist atrocities and all that I think are happening. What country? It might be Somalia, something but it's just not the media doesn't care about that. It's not a big of a story as Russia Ukraine. But there's more worse stuff happening there they say. Yeah I mean Canon and Samsung just doesn't care about that. It's not as big of a story as Russia, Ukraine. But there's more worse stuff happening there, they say. Yeah, I mean, Canon and Samsung just doesn't sell well in the Congo.

It's what it is. Apple just, the phone's just not, they're still, they're using Nextels over there. Yeah, it's just what it is. Now, hey, can you scroll down a little bit, Jess, because the reality versus the myth. So the accusations on this woman only surfaced after her husband died when she was vulnerable. So what happens is in 1610, King Matthias II

orders an investigation, had her castle bathory, Elizabeth Bathory's castle raided, witnesses testified against her. She couldn't be put to trial, because as Yanni said, when you were noble like that, you just didn't have to play by the rules. It's the little thing we like to call Epstein's Island. Now here's the interesting part about it.

Just to set the background, her family had lent a lot of money to King Matthias II. Because he was funding wars, right? So she had lent a lot of money to the Habsburg family, which is what Matthias was. So Matthias owed her a lot of money. So I think historians are going, Mathias probably went after her husband died. She's just a lady now. So he

owes the money to the lady. So he goes, you know what? I don't pay ladies. So why don't we just frame this bitch, get her out of the picture? Because you know what the one result that happened from her home imprisonment was, the debts were canceled. Yeah, so that's where historians go, huh, maybe she was framed. But there is a lot of evidence that she was doing bad stuff, but actually at the trial,

it was witness testimony, there was no firsthand accounts, there was not a lot of evidence that actually showed that she did these things. So we don't know if she did, but it's funner to think she did. She did, right. Because it's just, and listen,

here's the thing here at the History of Hyena show, is we just, we take a stab at it. We take a stab. Do we know if it's 100% accurate? It's like, do you know if anything's 100% accurate? You don't. I don't know, could we be AI right now? Could be.

Could we be a simulation? Probably. It's very possible. So when you come out here on these comments and you say, we messed up here, we messed up there, it's like, yeah, well, that's your version of it. Yeah. Not ours. Yeah. Take me to court. Yeah. Take us to court. How about that? Take us to court and say, hey, Chrissy and Yanni did not tell the story of Elizabeth Bathory correctly. Take us to court.

Because in the court of public opinion, we're accurate historians. Yeah. Now, here's the the thing here's the legacy of Elizabeth Bathory like Yanni said she inspired books movies vampire mist she even influenced Dracula Dracula Dracula the story is debated but they say you know she was probably the victim of smear campaign now we've just given you some facts I want to know what you think I want to know what you think I want you right in the comments right now if you're watching this on YouTube,

if you're watching this on Patreon, The Composite History, IANIS. What do you think? Was it a smear campaign or not? I really gotta be honest with you, cuz. I think it just really happened. And here's another fun fact. She was actually related to Vlad the Impaler through marriage.

So what do you think that is? Yeah, so they were all little franks and beans. So the person who was in charge of the investigation against Elizabeth Bathory was actually her husband's boy. So her husband died, right? Her husband died, they were married 29 years, and they were boys. I can't remember his name, some parogi,

just call him Parogi. Parogi. Parogi won. So he- Parogi One Kenobi. Yeah. Parogi One Kenobi. Her husband, before her husband died, said to this, to Parogi Obi One Kenobi,

said, look after my wife. Right. You're going to look after my wife. You're my boy. You look after my wife. Right. But then he was in charge of the investigation, because King Matthias put him in charge of the investigation.

So he had to look into the chick that he was supposed to look after. Right. So it is what it is. He wanted to spare her the embarrassment of the trial as a noblewoman. So they ended up, she ended up getting convicted because there was like all these servants that testified against her, whatever. She was basically arrested during a meal,

but the rumor was she was arrested because they saw like the remains of a girl, and they actually caught her little torture crew torturing a chick. But none of that seems to be true. Most historians say she was just arrested at dinner like a noblewoman, and they just brought her in, and they wanted to spare her all the embarrassment.

So she ended up just living on house arrest, but supposedly there has to be some truth to it because she would blame it on her servants. She was defiant to the end and said, I didn't do this, but my servants did. But those were probably the chicks that she may do it. Here's the rule for wealthy people. When all else fails, you just blame it on the help. You blame it on the help. But it is, cuz. Yeah, that's what they do. And peasants just had no rights. I mean, she was she was cheating peasants like chicken wigs, like peasant girls like,

yeah, this chick sounds like she was one of those kind of jealous women who probably because all the victims were like age 10 to 14. Can't do that. So she didn't like youth. She didn't like youth. She was like Ursula, right? Right. Was Ursula, who was the one in Disney who was like,

oh my God, I wanted to be the fairest in the land. Well, that's Mira Mira on the wall. So that one is, was that, not Cinderella. Snow White. Snow White. Yeah. Evil Queen. Yeah, Ursula was the Little Mermaid. Yeah, okay. We have the same haircut. We are snow white bombed big at the box. So what? Well, they bombed big because the press was all about the like the woke stuff and then it was really Palestine Israel stuff But the show the thing is you just can't change these movies and I just want to say one quick fact is that

They do say that a little historian say that Elizabeth Bathory had the Guinness Book World of Records Guinness Book of Records listed her as the most prolific female murderer but that was before the abortion wasn't intended. Weisam Schien. So you'd say the biggest women serial killers are liberal women in America? That's what I would say. I would say probably women living in Portland have probably overtaken. They'll probably do what Elizabeth did in a fucking month. So yeah, that's what it is, but she um... So actually it used to be her now it's Roe v. Wade.

Yeah, yeah. The lady called Roe v. Wade. That's just what it is. It's just a girl with blue hair right now. Just sitting in whatever liberal city wants in it. Ladder 14. Um, so, so... This Friday. May I speak freely?

I prefer English. The Naked Gun is the most fun you can have in theaters. Yeah, let's go! Without getting arrested. Is he serious? Is he serious? No. The Naked Gun, only in theaters Friday.

No frillsills delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC optimum points on your first five orders. Shop now at nofrills.ca. But she had a good life when she was in prison. She fucking lived in a castle at Quetchtis. Yes, it's a nice place. Which is basically like, you know, she was in prison. She fucking lived in a castle at Quetchtis. Yes, it's a nice place. It was just basically like, you know,

she was in an upscale prison. Yeah. She's like, she was in a prison where like the mafia would go. Yeah. Or, you know, where P. Diddy's at. Or no, P. Diddy's in a bad place still. He's in a metropolitan detention facility or something. It's like, it's not, it's not good.

Wherever he is, it's not good. Yeah. Now, you know, too, like, cause women, here's the thing, women back then, they've been getting, you know, women have been getting persecuted against and railed against for years. But you know, now I feel like we're living in a time where women are really like the WNBA and women's college basketball, like you say women's sports, it's starting to get good again.

It's starting to catch up a little bit like the WNBA is something you're like, okay, I'll watch a couple of games or two. I don't have to watch this blackout drunk anymore. Yeah. I can watch this somewhat sober. Yeah, yeah. You're starting to get, you're starting to see women come up. First of all, hats off, if she was a serial killer,

it just shows you that a woman can do it as good as a man can. 100%. And that's what's happening now with female basketball. March Madness is going on, and just the women's games since Cheryl Swoops and I like to call Cheryl Swoops the Elizabeth Bathory of women's basketball because she loves to torture verbally Kaitlyn Clark. She just doesn't, she's very jealous of her. Yeah, it's what it is. Because she put in all this work, she got the air swoops,

Nike gave her the air swoops and she that's, she, she feels like she needs a lot of credit. But Caitlin Clark is the Elvis of women's basketball. It's what it is. She just popularized the black game. Yeah. And it's also like when Charles, when you start to like complain about, you know, you were a pioneer 30 years ago, it's like, lady, stop. Yeah. Stop. You're annoying. Like Caitlin Clark doesn't say anything. She's just like, she plays the game. Yeah. And it helps that she's a you're annoying. Like, Caitlin Clark doesn't say anything. She's just like, she just plays the game. And it helps that she's a little bit of a piece. Caitlin Clark is.

She's a little bit of a piece. Now, can I just be honest with you? Can I be honest with you? Can you be honest with me anytime? Because I'm a big college basketball fan. I really am. I gotta be honest with you. The men's tournament, a little boring this year.

No real, every number one seed made it. It's a little boring. St. John, maybe it's personal, because St. John's got knocked out, so earlier it was really pulling for them. But. It's a little boring. Yeah, no big upsets. St. John, maybe it's personal because St. John's got knocked out so early I was really pulling for them, but it's been a little boring. I do think, you ready for this? I do think even though I'm all about y'all getting your money,

I want people to get paid who play, I really do. I think it's awful that a college kid was dominating and not getting paid and the coaches sitting there were 10 mil. I want them to get paid. I do think that the NIL is ruining college basketball a little bit. I think that you're just like, the really good teams

are just really good and the middle is just not as good. Like these mid-majors, it's like, it's not as good anymore. It's not as exciting. Like the one seed's, the better teams, the top, they're just so much better than the other teams now because the NIL money is so good. Like it used to be the best player, a really great player in high school,

would just go directly to the NBA or would go play in Europe. So what happened is, is a kid who wouldn't have gotten a scholarship would get a scholarship at a better school because a spot opened up because the kid who was gonna get the scholarship at Duke went to the NBA. And then the Duke would give a certain amount

of scholarships and then really good kids who could have played at high level had to go to mid-major because there just wasn't enough spots anymore. So now, and that was the way how you would have this good competitiveness, but now. Parody. Parody, but now that really good kid doesn't go,

Cooper Flag doesn't go to the NBA. He goes and plays on Duke, because he's getting money from the NIL. So now those teams get so good, they get all the money that the players who would have went mid-major, they'd rather sit on the bench and get money from Duke, as opposed to playing for freaking Valparaiso.

Right. Because there's no NIL money there. So it starts to lessen. To me, it's no coincidence that the all number one seeds made it, because it's going to become like WM. That's why women's college basketball wasn't that good and why we didn't watch that long, because UConn was just so much better.

They could not. A team couldn't even come close to them, because they got the best girls. And so that's what's gonna happen here now. Yeah, now it's like a professional league, and you got the transfer portal, and you look at that female TCU team, and it's just a bunch of girls from other schools

that were good, and just they all came together, and now they're like, they're going to the final four with Hailey Van Lyth, but you know, the women are catching up to the men. You know, and maybe what we need to do to evolve even further, because of the problem that Chrissy said, is maybe we need to do a little Elizabeth Bathory kind of consequences if you lose a game.

Like maybe she liked to put needles under girls fingernails. So if you lose in the round of 16 you get your finger chopped off or you got needles put under your fucking thumbnails Yeah, then we just up the stakes up the stakes or like, you know I think it back in like Native American lacrosse like when they would play or like that first version on cross They would throw like a ball through a hoop that was on the side There was like an old-school sport if you lost they give you you a small pox sandwich. Well no, ready for this? Yeah.

If you won, if you won, they thought it was such an honor to win that they, the losers would kill the winners. And sacrifice their bodies. I love it. Love it. I fucking love it. Yeah.

Yeah, let's go. Let's get fucking medieval in these sports. I mean, let's get the ratings up. Up. Now here's the deal. TCU, women are really catching up to men. You know, because look, there's a girl on the TCU team. Her name is Sienna Prince.

She's six foot seven. Mm-hmm. She's a lesbian. Of course. And she likes to tune up the girls she dates. What it is, yeah. She's got multiple accusations. So there's real equality.

Yeah. Gotta say, look, the world is getting very equal. Yeah. You got Kanye West He's a Nazi. He's black Hats off now. You got women who are doing exactly equal to men and are just fucking tuning up chicks Yeah, same way male athletes like to tune up their broads It's what it is cuz it's what it is now and it's it's all good This is all good for sports and the TCU horned frogs is just a fun name. It's a team I play for yeah horned up. Yeah, it's a horned up frogs. Yeah now this chick. She's just a big chick

She's six foot seven. I like a bit. I like yeah, I like I would like to date her a lesbian six foot seven chicks They just tune me. Yeah, put me in my place. Yeah. Yeah, I kind of like that I like a big girl want to get on my tippy toes to kiss you. Yes Yeah, and here's the funny thing about her is like, she's so good at basketball that like, they're covering it, you know, they're covering it up. They're just going in, they're just letting her play. Yeah, but she tuned up her girlfriends, what it is.

Yeah, there's just more than one. Yeah. There's like four accusations where she's tuned up some chicks. Yeah, it's what it is. So we finally, that's when you know we definitely have fucking title nine equality is when female athletes have the privilege to just tune up to significant.

There we go, Sedona Prince controversy explained. Here, can you hit on that Jess? Up there, yeah, college football, yeah. Just a big girl. Yeah, off court issues. She's what they call, she's not even a, she's a mastiff. Yeah, go down.

Yeah. Go down a little bit. How tall, she's six Mastiff. Yeah, go down. Yeah. Go down a little bit. How tall is she? Six, seven, go down, go down. Let's see, yeah. So yeah, go down. Cause I wanna see what the off court says. While she was at Oregon, viral TikTok video

calling the difference between men and women's height, the final four sites, okay. The weight room, okay, good. What allegations? Here we go. Princess face multiple assault and sexual abuse allegations. The latest coming in January, according to police, a TCU student reported Prince assaulted her and that Prince answered to sign an NDA.

Prince went to the police as well to report she had been assaulted and suffered a black eye. No charges have been filed. So it seems like one of those things where it was just two freaking lesbos got into a fist fight. Oh, she's got no, but she's got, she's got a bunch. Yeah. She's got allegations going back to 2019. She's got like four or five of them. Yeah, here's the problem with sexual misconduct.

If it starts hitting the gays, a lot of people are in trouble. Yeah. Because the gay sexually misconduct more than anyone I've ever met in my life. They do. I've been sexually misconducted. I've witnessed some sexual misconduct by gay men.

Yeah. In wild, wild ways. Yeah, yeah. And she, look, she says, says oh I was hit too she's six seven and the girls she were dating were like normal size girls so they can't even reach her face. Yeah it's what it is. One girl just accused her just straight fucking like almost raping her. Right. So I mean she's just she's a wild chick she's got tattoos she's six foot seven she's a guy. She's a guy but this is what but it's the same as men, but this is what the scouts are looking for,

this is why she's the number one draft. Yeah, she's gonna go fucking lottery baby. You know the WNBI, I think we've spoken about this here before, but like it is, other than a few of them, it's crazy how little money they make. And I understand why, because it's a business, but it is kind of wild how it's like,

they don't make, like they make like almost non-livable wages. Yeah, yeah, it's, the only one that makes a lot of money is- Caitlin Clark. Caitlin Clark. But a lot of these chicks, there's a few others that are making money too because of all their endorsement deals like Juju Watkins and- I feel bad for her.

She blew her knee out the first or second game and she was really good player and also a piece. Yeah, yeah. She was a little bit of a piece. So, I mean, the salaries are coming up. Oh, $147,000? Yeah. I'm sorry. I thought it was like 30 grand a year. It used to be. So I mean, the salaries are coming up. Oh, 147? Yeah. Sorry, I thought it was like 30 grand a year.

It used to be. But now it's 147, it's pretty good. It's the Caitlin Clark effect. She's starting to bring everyone's money up. Well, people are starting to go to the games now. Yeah, they're going to, all her games are like, they're going into like bigger arenas. We got- I just wanna look at her.

We got, by the way, we got a great episode that we're going to put up at patreon.com slash history hyenas. We have an expert coming on to tell us about the Lindenburg baby and all that stuff. And it's really going to be like a pure history episode. And we're only going to put that puppy up at patreon.com slash history hyenas.

And we're also starting to do, we've put up a, Yonis and I have put up a couple of walk-in talks up there. We've put up all the episodes too at Patreon. You get them all uncackled. So there's a lot of things we can't say on YouTube, but on Patreon, you get it all as is, no edits, no cuts. And you get a bonus episode once a week

that usually is off the rails nuts and very, very, very interesting. That's where Yonis and I have a lot of fun. And it's where if you're looking to be part of a community, like you really wanna be a part of something, patreon.com slash history.inions for as little as $5 a month, you become more part of a community

than almost any other Patreon I've ever seen out there. And you can ask the fans if you know any of them or if you wanna test it out and see. There's a full, like a dating site on there. There's like people hanging out, getting meetup groups. We speak a different language. It's something you wanna be a part of. Yeah, it's, I don't think there is a fan base

that makes the actual comedians laugh as much as ours. And that's why I love it. It's just the funniest fan base back there. And I like to peek in on there and just laugh. Take a peek. And what we do at the end of every episode is we read the newest members of the Patreon, the newest members of the Matriarchy. We encourage them to make fun names and then we pick a winner, the funniest name, which

we call the PPW, Shoot Opinions of the Week, and we put them up on our website at historyhyhenazisback.com, which has all our stand updates and all the information you need to know about us. All right, so welcome to the Matriarchy. Mike P., Tina Fields, then we got Chrissy D., got MSG by taking a knee and all the information you need to know about us. All right, so welcome to the, welcome to the matriarchy, Mike P, Tina Fields. Then we got Chrissy D got MSG by taking a knee and sucking the D of a transgender peas. Okay. Almost, almost. The last word needed to rhyme so you, almost.

But pretty accurate. Almost a Drexler, yeah. Then we got Not Ashamed to Sam from Staten Island Liberals. Okay. Okay. Tenzing was gay. Cochanda Reddy. Myzing was gay. Cochanda ready. My girl was mad. I paid for porn, but wait till she finds

out about this. It's what it is. Chicken finger. Yeah. Yeah. It's a nice one. Brandon Starkovich, Trampus Teschkal, Mike Davis, Kevin Burke, then we got yoked frisbee.

So call me Pat McAbee. Okay. Yolked frisbee would have been nice as a chicken finger, yeah. Tampa Tony, Bone Me, and Shonys. Cooper Flaggott. Put him on the list. On the list.

Yeah. There we go, there we go. There's a lot of people who just dropped the L and do that, but Cooper Flaggott's into. Yeah. If you don't know who Cooper Flaggott is, he's a star and he's a Duke yeah yeah. Garrett Montoya Bobby Sands Bobby Sands that's interesting

Bobby Sands is like a Irish guy from Northern Ireland who went on a hunger strike and died from not eating to protest against a is that a real guy Catholicism verse yeah like the the troubles in Ireland in Northern Ireland we'll do an episode on that Bobby sands nice You came back to life and join the patreon. Yeah Vincenzo drum piece. Yeah, that's a Monkey sauce monkey Britney McCarty Kyle Borrella. T. Mike Santa my emoji face and I jet blued my glue I

Got here we go I got, here we go, hold on. I got a UTI and the doctor didn't believe it wasn't from a man. All one word. Very funny. Mike, Savannah Engel, then we got Petey with a tucked back weenie, I got Zin in my foreskin, no fumes. Put them on the list. Zin in my. No fumes. Put them on the list. Zen in my foreskin. Put them on the list. It's not gay if you don't push back.

Put them on the list. Okay. Here we go. Ronalds, Joe's, Maverick, Julian Galio, Robert Herrera, Mason Sanders. Then we got real life uncle daddy situation. Okay. Destrit, Des, took a shit in my hand.

Put them on the list. Okay. Destrit des took a shit in my hand. Cackle my crackle baby. Melissa Rose Paxton, Josh Oswald, Brian Lanasa, Joe Young, knee, Hoss, Poppets. So Chrissy had to move. Okay. Matt Gleason, Antoine Johnson, inspector. Way song she ain't.

It's a walk in one that deserves to be on the list, but you get the walked into a board. Yeah. Then we got Eva bronze boy toy because make no mistake, the dude preferred his niece. It's a character piece. Now see Eva bronze boy toy might've worked. Yeah, but it's still good because she's been, he's basically saying

Hitler was gay because he liked men. I'm going to, I'm just going to give it a strong Drexler, but a shout out to how good that is. Lewis Thurman, Nicholas Johnson, Casey Cameron. Then we got Mike vote Democrat. Cause Donnie T took my landscapers. Burrito bombers, 65. 65, Philip Christian, Bailey Morning,

then we got Big Boy, Small Toy, Es Lo Que Es. Then we got Daniel Scherr, Mike Pedernal, Lukasz Klimiszewski. Oh, that's my boy. Oh, is that him? No, but this is another Luke. This is the Luke I went to school with. Francesco.

Wow, you were around a lot of Poles. A lot of Poles. I mean, there were Polish kids in my school. Yeah. They were all, you know, Polish kids, but they all like listened to rap and like loved music. And they used to call themselves UPN, United Polish. Yeah.

Nice guys. Uh. Uh. Francesco Patrizzi, Wien Lebowski, Jessica Daniel. Then we got Q2 with a tube full of glue pointed at you. Very nice. Tucked it back so now I have a Mangione. Get out the catapult.

There it is. Wow, get out the catapult. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Oh, that one's gonna be hard to beat. Okay. Yeah, Luigi Mangione, now he's got a Mangione.

Glue man group, Amber Miller, I'm under sauna bench watching my mom and dad have sex and they know it. Drekster, Roberto Hernandez, John Farris, then we got Michelle Obama's Leroy Peace makes my glue gun jam. Drekster, David von Hommesson, Wendy Cruz, then we got so Puerto Rican by the time you finish this, I'll be pregnant.

That's marriage in my family's culture. David von Hommersen, Wendy Cruz, then we got So Puerto Rican, by the time you finish this, I'll be pregnant. But nonetheless. Lata 14. Marrying my family's culture. So what can you do? Just a lot of funny ones. Timmy D, Sticky Icky Glue on an Everything Bagel. Chicken Finger. Lata 14, Dream Team Not Meant. Okay.

Hooker Pussy. Chicken Finger. Schwarmakazi. Schwarmakazi. I like it, like comedy. Yeah, Schwarm a causey. Schwarm a causey. I like it like comedy. Yeah. It's the chicken finger. Pepper, Andre Davos, Paul Dwyer, uh, Dyer, Jennifer McGann, Artie Smith. Then we got local five sheet metal.

Cause he was he now that's union screwed in Vivek Paget. Then we got Vivek the Paget lay sheets in the streets. Okay. FDRs only ramps. Wow. FDRs only ramps because he was in a wheelchair. It's wonderful. Yeah, it's a Drexler.

It's a good one, yeah. It's a funny one. Mexican Sydney Sweeney, flat but legal, here to redeem one fake tit. Drexler. Wow, this is a fucking heavy flow. Nicholas Andriano, Kumail's 80. Then we got Leroy P is my Perone's disease,

has my P's bent like my knees. Perone's disease when your dick is bent. Oh, yeah. Okay. Wyatt Palmer, Alex Group, Jordan Heyman. Then we got German Kid with a forehead shelf. Blake Christensen, Matthew Wyckoff, Isaac Yost. Then we got Hillary Clinton, Pseudo pseudo penis, still no Epstein list.

Uh, then we got the good guys missing hood. Then we got eaten blue chew to shoot my glue through Chrissy D's new asshole. Herb ever smells. Adrian Carrera. Then we got Colombian Jew and Chrissy's shoe. He's German, but his feet are cute. Then we got, I almost divorced my wife cause she said Chrissy is too straight.

Uh huh. Uh huh. Seren, Seren, junior, junior. Oh, Seron, Seron, junior, junior, Seron, Seron, junior, junior. Yeah. James Collier spores is scrotum, dichromous no more.

So spro, spores is scrotum, dichorums no more. Got it. Okay. The eunuch spores. Yep. I like it in the butt. Chicken figure.

One basket in my arse. Sean institutional, Joseph Dylan, Hayden, the woke frisbee, Jay dog. Talk to my president like that again and Arizona is going to come see you in a different way. Hashtag. Walk you to one guy. Walk you to one. Andrew McDonald.

Make no mistake. It's real. You walked into one! Sir! They gotcha! Sorry. Hey guys, that's your fault. They tricked you. Sorry about that.

Yeah. Sean Ramsey, Sean spelled the Leroy way, but is an Irish kid McKee. Oh, cause he spells it S-H-A-W-N. Right. Kevin, then we got ovulation, got me feeling like, okay, ovulation, got me feeling like Hitler chewing on a Bluey being sucked off by a Twinkie Winkie. Okay. Too long, sorry about that.

Not that Robert Smith, Danny, Alex Karsbazack, then we got Wiggle That Witch Hazel faster, you fucking Frisbee. Lisp it. Yeah. Gonna be a tough one, I'm gonna end at this page. We got a lot of Lisp. So many, yeah.

Ethan Bram, then we got if you're feeling crippled, because your mortgage triple, just take a little sippy on Yanni's nippy. Drexler. Jacko Kavish, Tony Simonas. Then we got, I can't get hard unless you fart my dick, babe. What do I do? Too many. Yeah, it's the Drexler.

It's just too many. Yeah. Glizzy Gobbler, Rabbi Shmuelis, Frisky Frisbees. What do I do? Too many. Yeah, it's the Drexler. It's just too many. Yeah. Glizzy Gobbler, Rabbi Shmulis, Frisky Frisbees. Rabbi Shmulis, yeah. All right. Yeah. Alex Sturzer.

Then we got Biffy Wiffy with a Stiffy ready for that Giffy. Then we got Shane Gillis' Missing Chromosome. Martin Rossi, Gavin Cain, Cody Fernandez, Ben Jerkin, Nut and Yoohoo. Ben Jerkin, Nut and Yoohoo. Yeah, we had that before. Yeah, we got a better variation. Cody Fernandez, been jerkin' Nut and Yoohoo. Been jerkin' Nut and Yoohoo. Yeah, we had that before, yeah, a better variation. Then we got, I walk into Bodegas and tell the clerk to Sandra Dee's nuts, hashtag never forget.

Carl Beach, then we got, I like WWE, but my roof is intact. Like, doesn't have a leaky roof, he's saying. His roof is intact. It is intact. But he does like WWE. Yeah, I like that, I'm a Drex for that. Drex for that. Okay. All right. So here we go, guys. So we got... And the other day for the Drexers, this was a very heavy flow.

It ain't easy. All right. And we had kind of a whack list last time. So we really made up for it. Yeah. Okay. So let me just read them all out before we make any decisions here. Yeah. Okay. Tucked it back. So now I have a Mangione. That's a contender.

So Puerto Rican by the time you finish I'll be pregnant. That's a goodie. Jesse says keep it for now. Keep it out. Yeah. So that we're in. So then we got Cooper flaget. We have, it's very funny but we have to Drexler because it's a walked-in one. Okay. But it's funny. PD with a tucked back weenie I got Zinn in my foreskin no fumes. We're gonna Drexler it. Drexler. Yeah any's funny. PD with a tucked back weenie, I got Zin in my foreskin, no fumes. We're going to Drexler it. Drexler.

Yeah, any other day. Any other day. It's not gay if you don't push back. It's a contender. Yeah. Okay. Okay, we got a couple. Took a shit in my hand. Chicken fingered. Okay. Might vote Democrat because Donnie T took my landscapers.

We're going to contender that. I mean, that's going to be tough. We're going to have to narrow it down. Okay. And then we got, um, wiggle that witch hazel faster. You fucking Frisbee. Okay. So I got a lot of content guys. So here are the contenders.

Okay, folks, this is one of the hardest lists we've had in a while. We got wiggle that witch hazel faster. You fucking Frisbee tucked it back. So now I have a man, Gioni. So Puerto Rico, by the time you finish this I'll be pregnant It's not gay if you don't push back might vote Democrat cuz Donny T took my landscapers You know what? This is a unique list. We're an ever-evolving show. Let me ask you guys a question Since there's so many good ones and this one is hard. I don't remember a list that had this many good ones

What if we put it to a vote? What if we let the fans decide this one? Okay. What if we do that one time? Okay. Because there's so many. What we're going to do is we'll put it on patreon.com slash history hyenas. We'll make a poll. Yep. And, uh, and you tell us at patreon.com slash history hyenas on of this list, who is the PPW? Who is it is? So again, let me read them out again. Wiggle witch hazer faster you fucking frisbee. Tucked it back so now I have a mangyoni. So Puerto Rican by the time you finish this, I'll be pregnant. It's not gay if you don't push back or might vote Democrat because Donny T took my landscape. So that's, so you're going to help us pick it out first time you've ever done this.

So you let us know. Go to historyhainasisback.com for all our dates. Yannis and I have a bunch of dates going up. I mean, April, I'm going to be in New Haven, Connecticut and Albany. I'll be in Boise this weekend. And the Austin, Dallas, Houston shows that we're going to do in April, we're going to find another day for because it's my daughter's daddy daughter dance. Friday April 11th, which was the day of Moon Tower. so you boy can't miss that. You cannot miss that. See

me in Cleveland this month and that's it for this month so see me in Cleveland. It's what it is baby.