History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - The French Vikings | History Hyenas

Episode Date: August 13, 2026

The boys go back to 1066 for one of the most famous battles in history: **The Battle of Hastings** and the rise of **William the Conqueror**. How did a Viking-descended duke from Normandy end up conquering England? Who were the **French Vikings**, and how did these descendants of Norse raiders become the Normans? We break down William’s wild claim to the English throne, Harold Godwinson, the Norman invasion, the legendary shield wall, and the battle that changed England forever. **Vikings, Normans, kings, betrayal, and one of the most consequential battles in medieval history.** #HistoryHyenas #BattleOfHastings #WilliamTheConqueror #Vikings #Normans #1066 #EnglishHistory #MedievalHistory #HistoryPodcast Support our sponsors: For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at https://Mengotomars.com. Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to https://quo.com/HYENAS. Protect your home from summer bugs. Go to https://pestie.com/HYENAS for 10% off your order. Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://store.historyhyenaspod.com Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get your tickets now for the dog stars. It's no surprise how fast civilization can disappear. Go! Out there, just kill or be killed. Jacob Alluredi. There are people out there. They need our help. Josh Boland.

Shoot first and inquire afterwards. Margaret Quali. Okay, tough guy. And Guy Pearce. Arm up! The Dog Stars, directed by Ridley Scott. In theaters, August 28th. Get tickets now.

Boys and Girls, August 21st, 22nd. Empire Comedy Club, Portland, Maine. I'll be there, hon. Okay, baby. I'm going to be in Philadelphia this weekend, August 14th and 15th. August, almost sold out at the Comedy Mothership. August 21st to 23rd, where I'll be doing free speech comedy. Yeah.

Free speech comedy, Nazi comedy! And then I'll be in the great, beautiful town of Rochester. Love it. So if you don't want to put a gun in your mouth for one more night, because you live in Rochester, come see me a Rochester. Rochester, then I'll be in Batavia, Levittown, L.A., Dallas, and San Diego. Get your tickets at yannas, Pappas Comedy.com, and don't forget to go and join our subscribers at patreon.com slash history hyenas to join the fun all in one, two episodes a week.

What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History. Hi, heinas. I'm Chris DeStefano, aka. Christy the White Belt, with me as always Janus Popis, aka Yanni Yams. Yanni looking good today.

Yanni feeling good today. Welcome to the history hyenas where you got a better chance of learning more accurate history if actually two hyenas from the Serengetti were doing it and there was no words that it was just cackles.

That's how much history you're going to learn. It's what it is and we just want to start off the show by saying my phone is open. The reason why it is open is because we are uploading a video for Stephanos Sussipetus for his birthday. We are sending him a birthday message in an effort to try

in return to get U.S. Open tickets. Yes. That's what we're doing. I would probably think a lot of you don't know who Stephanos is. He's a top 10 tennis player in the world. He's a Greek kid. And I wanted to go to the U.S. Open and somehow

serendipity, his girlfriend contacted Chris. I mean, I think you're just a kid with a golden ticket. It's just what it is. Got a golden ticket, got golden balls. And let me tell you something right now. the real golden ticket is at patreon.com slash history hyenas. That has been growing exponentially

and we just want to say thank you so much to the fans who go over there and support our community. You don't know how much it means to us. It literally means everything. Patreon.com slash history hyenas we want to announce the winner of last week's episode

because it was a three-way tie and we could not figure it out. Jesse, can you pop open the Patreon because I'm misremembering the two names. I know who the winner is and I would open my phone to look at it, but again, my Dropbox video is uploading the video

to send to Stephanos Cisopetus in an effort to get free U.S. Open tickets and also take a look at his girlfriend's feet because she is a piece. So the three people in contention, the three names in contention, were we could not choose at patreon.com says history I am is last week's winner.

We could not choose between here for uncackled Leroy jokes to feel better about my wife's Dildo choice. That came in at 25% of the vote. Then we had a stoic Leroy, a.k.a. Demarchus Aurelius. That came in at 33% of the vote. And then the winner at 42% of the vote. So this was a squeaker was half Jackie Chan, half Jackie Robinson, full Reroy. So that is the winner. And that is your name up with the lights. Go to history hyenas is back.com to see your name up in lights. You were the PPW, the pseudopetus of the week. If you want to get involved, then you have to go to Patreon.

And not only do you have great bonus episodes over there, not only do we have the episodes add free. just listen, but you get an opportunity to list a funny name and have it read on the show. This is what we call a Sophie's choice. It happens once in a while. I did peruse the comments on Patreon and the fans acknowledged that this was an impossible decision to make. Yes. But we have to crown a winner. Right. This is America. This is not Europe where there's a tie or you guys get to move up or down. There's a winner and there's a loser and you are the winner, my friend. It's what it is. Even some of our old fans, Fumala Harris, aka Laser Beam Leroy, said that

she loves Reroy but had to vote for Stoic. I'd be people were, you know, all around. But we always think that the fans do it right. A lot of people, AOCs, this makes my piece split. AOC's tits make my piece. He said, fuck, this one is hard. Then Commander Adolf Boogaloo, director of Camp 14, said to Marcus Aurelius got to win. It's what it is. You know, Don't tell my dad, said the first one made everyone laugh so hard. It shouldn't even have been a vote. And that was not correct by the numbers. Now, Leanne, the garlic slicer, said to Marcus Aurelius is the best name of the second right.

I mean, the people, you know, but not to be undone, fiddle, fido, fat, my roast beef saddle until doggy paddle said this one is tough, cuzy, three real contenders here. It's just what it is. Yeah. You know. Sandy feet, fumee piece. Clear winner Demarchius History reference always gets the edge

combined with Leroy So people have different ideas about why Which one should win or lose And even some of those names that we just read I don't even know if they ever made the list Or weren't contention There's been so many names But just keep

Post just keep doing it We're going to make a movie about this Patreon Once just like Sylvester Stallone did and Rocky Yeah and what we can guarantee you Is when you join our community Of subscribers at patreon.com slash history hyenas. You're not going to be entering an Oxford level discussion of historical topics.

It's a little different over there. No. It's a little, it's more community college level. No, we got, our fans are we, you know, like we did on the recent Patreon episode that we just uploaded. Today's episode is going to be great. It's going to be about William the Conqueror and we'll get a lot of things wrong. And the Mark Normans.

And the Mark Normans. But like our fans are, we're not looking to discuss any of the political ideas of, say, the founding fathers. We have videos that we explore about what George Washington smelled like. Yeah. What he sounded like based off his, with his fake teeth in, but really what he smelled like, what he thought about. That's what we're, that's what we're going for. That's what we're going for. It's fun. It's fun. It's fun. The whole point of it is it's fun over there and the fans talk to each other in the chat and we hop in once in a while and it's a really fun community. And I'm hoping to see some little hyena babies when two of these crazy people just meet on the chat board.

Yeah. And the next thing you know, they're sending us videos of their kids named Chaos Kevin or something like that. Or, you know, just people who are really, you know, what they will call it got a little bit of drippage in the kitchen from the roof. It's just what it is. And look, and we have a good time. We've created, that's the thing in life is I'm proud of the community that we've created here and that we continue to create day by day. it's like, I don't want to be like anybody else. Yeah.

I want to be just, I want our fans to just be our fans. And I want, and I like them. When we meet them in the street, you know, they're beautiful people. Everybody's a little bit retarded, just like us. And it's just what it is. We're all a little bit. We're all a little bit. We really all are a little bit or you, or we would be doing something concrete to contribute

to society. And when, when this is all over, you know, you'll see that we did it. Okay, we just did it. We had a good time. What we did is we gave a good time. We didn't create the air conditioner. We didn't create refrigeration. We didn't create democracy.

We don't know about anything. We don't even know how to make a car. Sometimes we don't even know how a car works. We've got to read the manual. Yeah. But we had a good time. We had a good time. And here's the thing.

Here's the thing is we may invent something. We may invent something. We've kind of invented a new language. You invented the 6 p.m. show. I invented the 6 p.m. show, which, by the way, we have a show tonight, even though this episode won't be coming out until the show is over, we forgot to promote our own live show, which is tonight. We forgot to even mention that we had a show.

We didn't mention it once. So if you're hearing about this, just know that there are probably tickets left for the show in September. It's very funny that we didn't even mention it. We didn't even remember that we had it. He showed up in shorts. Because originally it was supposed to be the third that we switched it to the 10th. Yeah, we just keep switching it because we were trying to move it around. for my stepson's birthday party, which wound up getting canceled last week because of the rain,

and it is actually today. So Jasmine actually asked me to cancel a live show again this morning. And I said, I can't. I can't. And she's like, did you even promote it? And I said, that's not the point, bitch. Yeah, now, I don't like this rule that you can't wear shorts on stage. That's the fucking rule, guy.

I got sexy legs. You do have sexy legs. I understand why you may want a full pant up, right? Because you just don't have sexy legs? I really don't, right? Yeah, milky, it just looks like someone had a container and poured milk into it. I got milky white legs, but the truth is, is if I get the weight behind the right hand and get you in a jihitsu hole, it's going to be a long day for you.

That's just the truth. And then I'll kick, and I'll do it all in high heels, fucker. No, because all I'll have to do is step on your foot, you're done. If I can make contact with the back of your foot, I'm Achilles. You're Achilles, guys. Yeah, that's what it is. I'm Achilles. I got a big bony overgrowth called a Hagland's deformity right on the back of my heel.

And make absolutely no mistake, it makes it impossible to walk around and pumps. Yeah, you can't do it anymore. In fact, that's probably how the injury happened. It does because I was moonlighting a lot. And Chris Talli just gets fatter by the second. He gets fatter by the second. He told me, he goes, he goes, oh, that he's a big fan of the Premier League, and his team is West Fulham and go to London.

He goes, we should go out together. I said, I'm not getting on the plane with you. Last 14. Okay. I'm not getting on. I don't need to run out of fuel over the Atlantic. I have a great idea. Maybe we can invent something.

Why is there not a plus-sized airline? Good point. Why is there not a plus-size airline? A jumbo airliner. Why is there not a jumbo airliner? Why is there a plus-size stores? Good call. There's plus...

Bigger seats. Bigger fuel. Yeah, bigger meals. Yeah, things like that. Get on the plus size. You can only get on if you're over 300. Oh. If you're over 300...

Sorry. I got choked up. Extra air conditioning to make it just even feel like it's, you know, comfortable. There should be a wide... There should be wider seats because one of the saddest things I saw, I was on a JetBlue flight. Kid was sitting in the front row, and he was a big kid, and he couldn't fit. He could not, he couldn't, the armrest didn't go up, so he could not get in. And I could see him dying, he was sweating.

So I went in the bath to my piss, and I just told the kid, I said, you could sit in my seat because I had the adjustable armrest. And he was so thankful that I let him sit in there. And I felt, and I felt terrible. I felt terrible for the kid. And I, you know, so I just fucking. I always remember that. I always remember, and I always remember the back of his head smelled like ham. Which is as per usual.

So it's some food, you know, it's just sort of, there's food around them. It's unfortunately, yeah, but fat people on planes is one of Jesse's art pieces over there to the right on Pinterest. Do you think it would motivate a little bit if they just had weight rules for flights? No, I think that, I think. That's cruel? I think it's cruel. It would be better for people's health. I would want a plus-size airline for people because, listen, here's the choice.

truth is you being obese has nothing to do with it's whatever it's your journey i want but but because we're living in a society where there's not a lot of things for obese people i just think having an airline for them would be actually actually a fantastic idea yeah and i think it would make people who are scared to get on planes and see the world i think it would open up an opportunity for them and i think now that spirit airlines went out you can open up you can open up uh you know a new a new a new overweight person's airline. Would people emotionally respond to that okay? Like, uh, would they be, would they, would they feel like would they're being laughed at? Like, for example, if you had plus size airlines, of course, you would have to have cars little buggies pick them up as soon as they get to the airport and

wheel them all the way. Listen, I think it's going to be one of those things where people are going to make fun of it, but it's just, it's just one of those things like, you know, it's just one of those things like, look, you don't have to, you don't have to, you don't have to, you don't have to, you don't have to, you know, instead of JetBlue, you don't have to call it Jet Mo. But you can't. But you can if you want. If you're making the airline, you can. You could do it.

You could actually do whatever you want. You could do whatever you want. You don't have to. Yeah, you could do that. Yeah. You don't have to. Yeah. Yeah.

You can, yeah. You can do it. Yeah. Yeah. So. Yeah. Yeah. You could call it.

Let's see if this thing can get some air. Yeah. Let's see if this thing can take off. Yeah. You could see it. Yeah. Challenge. Accept it.

to the plane, see if I can lift, things like that. Yeah, so whatever. It's got of airlines you call it Delta Grounded? Yeah, Delta Ground Force. Yeah. Yeah. You could do some fun stuff with it. You could do whatever you want, guy.

Hold on, I'm copying the link and I'm sending it to Stephanos Cipides. Or you could call it All You Can Eat? Oh, just All You Can Eat Airlines. That's what it is. That's a good one. Yeah. All you can eat airlines. Yeah.

Or Snickers bars under the floorboards. Yeah, buffet in the sky. Buffet in the sky is a good one. Yeah. It's a secret eating. How about secret eating airlines? Yeah. How about if I'm in public, I'll order salad airlines.

There's many things we could do, and I actually think that having an airline for overweight people is something that you hit on, and that could be our new idea that changes humanity. That could be very nice. That could be a very good thing. But with those epic now in GLP-1s, people are getting less obese. I know. And sometimes some of the solutions are not the most empathetic to certain communities. like you can't deny if we did have some sort of tax credits or incentive structure to be more in shape.

Sure. Like you would pay less for your insurance, things like that. Sure. It would work a little bit. Some people would financially be incentivized to let me get in a little better health so I pay less insurance. Sure. You know, I just do think sometimes if you buy into the progressive taxation and how that's a good thing, maybe there should be some sort of progressive penalty

when you pay for insurance based on how much of a risk you are to spend everyone's money who's thrown into the pot. That only seems fair. That only seems fair that if you go into a McDonald's you get to the counter, there's a scale. You step onto a scale and that scale says a certain number and he goes, can I get a burger?

And you go, I'm sorry that burger is against the law. Well, let me ask you this. That wouldn't be bad for society. Let me ask you this, though. What did the ancient Greeks do with fatties? They threw them off a cliff or they bounced off of them. Did they real? No, but what did they actually? Do we have any historical references of what ancient Greek people did? Or could you run, you couldn't really get to the levels of obesity.

You couldn't. You couldn't. Food was a little hard to come by. Um, but it's not just that. Public shaming was a lot more acceptable in history. It was. Yeah. As law as well as murder, as well as rape. A lot of things, it wasn't a politically correct time. It wasn't a politically correct time. So if you were fat, I mean, yeah. The chances that someone wouldn't throw a slur at you. Yeah. I mean, you got to admit that social pressure probably worked very well to keep people thin. What is the ancient Greeks did recognize excessive body fat as a problem, particularly among wealthy men. But they understood it very different from modern medicine. There wasn't a concept of obesity as a chronic disease.

Instead being excessively fat was often viewed through the lens of health, self-control, athleticism, and moral character. Yeah, so I was wrong. Maybe they looked at it like the way African, some African nations, like if you're too skinny, it just means you're poor. If you're fat means you're doing good. Right. So I don't know if I buy that 100%. Exercise was considered fundamentally the health in ancient Greece. So they knew about that. They knew that Greek physician Hippocrates wrote extensively about diet and exercise. Yeah. Okay, so they knew.

And I believe that some things, the political correctness of certain things are very easy to read through. Like, for example, when they refer to Muslim conquests as expansions, like a morning stretch. Sure. I feel like that's not an accurate depiction. No. I feel like when you look at it. all the Greek statues from that era. There's not one fatty.

No. So I don't think they celebrated the way they're portraying it in this summary. I think it's sensitivity awareness that they're doing right there. You think they were called fat fox? I think they were called fat fucks. I don't think human nature changed because

people are sensitive now. I think there's certain things you can look at a history and call bullshit like when you see a French person who was a man two years ago averaging a fucking 20 and 20 mark in a French pro league. It's just what it is. You hear all about that on the Patreon. Yeah, I think some things you can just eyeball. Listen to this. Dionysus, the first of Syracuse, was reported to have become extremely obese. Ancient writers said rulers and wealthy men struggle

with excessive weight. So what did Greek medicine actually do? If someone was overweight, a physician might prescribe a regimen involving less food, more exercise, controlled drinking, massage, bathing lifestyle changes. So you could still drink some booze, but just a little bit less, and you would just get happy endings from massages. I would, I would, I would, I would, guess that it was pretty similar to today, just a little bit crueller with the terminology. I believe it was probably more just like it was in the 80s. Yeah. Where you just said, you just had a name for them.

Because when you look back in history and you see they went to brothels, they did graffiti. I mean, they were just people just like us and human nature doesn't change. Now, do you think if an ancient Greek or one of these fighters saw us, we would look fat to them? Like were these guys... We'd look like fucking giants. Yeah, because they were little kids.

They were little kids. I mean, they say that Rolo, and today we're going to talk about the Normans, Rolo, who founded, started Normandy, the Viking that started Normandy. They said the myths about him was that he was seven feet tall. They called him Rolo the Walker because they said he was too big to fit on a horse, so he had to walk to pillage. Okay. And historians believe he was six foot.

He was high height, so they kind of exaggerated. But six foot back then, you looked like a fucking mutant. And make no mistake. You look like the giant of Canderhar. Rolos is a really good restaurant in Ridgewood, Queens, where I'm from. Yeah. So we're all going to go to Rolos one day. And Rolos would roll through. And the next thing you know, your family members who were female were impregnated with Viking kids.

It's just what it is. That's probably where I came out. And I got to be honest with you cousin, it's just one of these situations that I haven't been in a while. I have an erection that I can't stop. And it's just growing and I keep tucking it underneath my waistband. But my erection is just coming and it's bad. Well, I have a problem is that when that hot black chick on the Chicago sky closed line. Sophie Cunningham, I got hard. It's just what it is. I don't know what that means.

Is Gabby Williams is the one who clothesline? No. Dominique Malaga. Yeah, her name is a lot harder to say unless you're from a certain community. Yeah. I needed it sounded it out for me because it's a black name and they're both smoke shows. It's just what it is. I kind of liked it. I went to the premiere of Ted Lassow. It's Dijana.

Can you pronounce that? Dijonet Carrington. DeJune-Carrington. I went to the premiere of Ted Lassau last week, and I saw Brittany, I saw Brianna Stewart there, and she is a taldrick of warder. How's he doing? Really cute. He's a good guy. And I did Ted Lassow, and I went on the red carpet, and then Jazz and I went and I went and said,

Ted Lassow wasn't going to start for another 30 minutes, so Jazz said, can we get out of here? So I went and I didn't see Ted Lassow. It's just what it is, but I did see Brianna Stewart, and she's a big girl, and I'll tell you, Even though I know we've discussed and guys joke around and say they could score in the WMBA. And I think most can if you could play. But a girl like Brianna Stewart, she's a tough lady. You're not going to be able to get around her. She's an exceptional athlete.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rihanna Stewart's like 6'6. Yeah, she's like 6. And she's a strong girl. One of the best basketball players, a little slow afoot. But I don't know if you'd be able to post her up. Yeah. You know, you wouldn't be able to post her up.

And I, yeah. And I like her too. I like her. She's on the Liberty. Yeah, I think I'm a Liberty fan. too. Oh yeah, me too. Yeah, I like her. She's definitely, she was MVP of the league at some point. She's from Yukon

and, uh... I asked my daughters if they want to go see games, they just don't want to go. Yeah, girls just don't want to check it out. Girls don't want to go, right? Men, you actually, WMBA fans are a lot of men, right? And when they finally do get like a little pop and girls get interested, what happens is they just start infighting and

yeah, the whole thing. Caitlin Clark, you had so much momentum and now it's ruined to get it. Yeah, I mean, at this point, I'm pretty sure that Caitlin Clark is responsible for the genocide in Gaza. It's just... That's the way. I think it's being viewed.

When the players elect her as the 11th best player... Sorry, 11th best guard in the league. Meanwhile, she's top three or two in points and assists. It just shows you that these bitches be hating bitches. They just be hating.

They just be hating. They're just a little jealous. And there's just nothing. And make no mistake, I understand that she's getting about 20, 30 mil from Gatorade. I'd want to hit that bitch with a stiletto, too.

Yeah, I mean, no. Make no mistake, Caitlin Clark, the girl's getting paid. And you see, you pull up this picture, Jesse, you see this one yet? Can you make this bigger? Now, who do you think makes me go pewing and is making this erection like out of control? Brianna Stewart. Nope. Not Brianna Stewart?

No. Well. It's the one kneel down with the thigh tattoo. I see a thigh tattoo and I want to get in it big. Is Sue Bird? I'm just going with the lesbians. No, Sue Bird's in the right. No, but who's the one kneel down on one leg with the thigh tattoo?

Who's that one? Cus, I don't know who that is. I like her. I'm going to take a stab. Shemika Cummings. Yeah. That's what I want to get in with. Big.

Yeah. Well, I would pick that too. I'd pick the two bottom ones. Really? You too, Nick? Yeah. Pick the two bottoms. Yeah, the one who's squatting down there, like a cat, will get cleaned.

You like that one? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's not a poop slurper, but she'll get cleaned. She'll get cleaned. Yeah. Yeah.

There's levels to the games. Because, listen, I want to talk to you about Mars men. Tell me about Mars men. Because I want you... Because I was using Venus men and I'm not satisfied. Because I want you to feel good. I want you to feel the way that you know how to feel and look the way you know how to look. Okay, your stomach's holding onto more fat, fat, fat, you feel you're more irritable, you're less motivated, you're mentally drained, okay?

So I said to myself, how can I help, Yanni? It's got high cortisol. Cortisol is your body's stress hormone. You know, we got the work deadlines, the screens, the finances. It's all that. So I said, Mars, men is what we need. It helps you feel more mood stable, less stress, more consistent, natural energy. It's not like drinking a cup of coffee.

It's a steadier sense of drive throughout the day. You get improved sleep quality because it's cute. It's good for people who are a little up in age because your testosterone levels are a little low. So this helps you in every way. I gave it a try. It's very nice. Healthy testosterone levels. That's what we need.

And you get 90-day money-back guarantee if you don't feel better. So that's what I like a product that puts its money-back where its mouth is. 90-day money-back guarantee. There is no risk. Worst case, you don't absolutely love it. And then you get your money back. But 91% of users get higher energy levels. Yeah, no weird stimulants, no synthetic hormones.

It's all natural ingredients to support healthy testosterone production, supports healthy T-levels, energy and stamina. And like Chrissy said. So for a limited time, our listeners are getting 50% off for life plus free shipping and three free gifts at men go to mars.com. That's men go to mars.com for 50% off and three free gifts when you check out. After you purchase, they will ask where you heard about them. You know what to do. Please support the history hyenas and tell them that we sent you.

That's it. Guys, if you're running a business, you always got to be really. Okay, that's why one of the best decisions I did last year is I got honeypotted and I went with Quo. Yes, because some of the best decisions I've done is I started doing Tybo and I use Quo. Because Quo, today's episode brought to you by Quo, that's QUO, the business phone system built so you never miss an opportunity. I love Quo, QUO.

First of all, you know, when we got this company, I said, Is this the one that's skated for China, but she's American? She said, no, that's goo. And I said, oh, Quo. And I've taken it into my life. And I got to be honest, I have not missed a call or text from Yanni in about a year because I got Quo. Quo is very good. That's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo.

And it's a beautiful thing. All your calls, texts and voicemails live in one place. So anyone can, on your team, can pick up a conversation, see the full history, and respond fast. It's the number one rated business phone system on G2 trusted by over 90,000 businesses. Honey, money is on the line. Always say hello with Quo. Yeah, always say hello with Quo? Try Quo for free, plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to Quo.com slash hyenas.

That's QUO.com slash hyenas. Say hello with Quo. Now, guy, again, what I'm always fascinated by is you, again, sent me a text the other day, and you said, do you want to go? you said, do you want to talk about Normand? And I said, do you mean Mark Norman? And you said, no, the Normans. And I said, do you mean the Normans? And you said, yeah.

So what got you peeing about Normandy, which is basically ancient France, right? So the Normans, what made you go peeing about them? What made me go peeing about them is I was just giggling over the fact that when you think about it, they were just Viking dudes who learned French and then just went back. out and like murdered. Because that's essentially what they're. They were just like, hey, we're going to move. We're going to conquer here.

And then the French were so weak. Like I think it was Charles the Simple or whatever was just like cut a deal with Rollo. And he's like, look, dude, please, just please. Just please stop. Like, you know, they try. They were like, it's bad. It's wrong. It's inappropriate.

You're not using pronouns. You're being very mean to people who are large. Just please stop. Women are women. But they try that. And Rollo just kept killing people and raping people. It's just what it is. And so then they just go, okay, okay, please stop.

Here. Here's Normandy. Just please take that. It's yours now. Right. As long as you just stop killing us. We're French people. We want to eat bologets.

We want to cheat on our wives. We want to have peditaires. And we like to eat snails. And we're just, we're not about that life. I want to throw a powdered wig on and just dance. Yeah. They're just going just, found your little Republican, Nazi right-wing white supremacist kind of land up there. I don't care.

And just leave us, Dems over here. to just smoke weed, sit around and judge. Yeah, it's just... We want to just get our liberal arts degrees and figure everything out. Yeah, yeah. So the Normans, they were Viking raiders and, you know, who you said,

who just learned France. There's a great show called The Vikings, which is on the history channel. They talk about Rolo. He was a bad mofo. He was a vicious guy. So the Vikings, they repeatedly raid the French coast,

and they sailed up the Sign River, Paddy. Then, as you said, Charles DeSimple, made a deal with the Viking leader, Rolo. Rollo got the territory around the sign in exchange for stopping the raids. But I'm sure they probably looked at Charles de Simple as a little bitch for that, right? They looked at him as a little bitch boy.

But did Charles DeSimple survive because of that? Well, Charles Asimple looked at him kind of like the way some comics look at Tony Hinchcliffe. They go, this guy's bad. Yeah. And we can't stop them. So just go over there. Let's make a deal. Let's make a deal.

You go over there. Like, we can't stop your popularity. We can't stop your momentum. Right. But we're going to draw a line. in the sand. We could draw a line in the sand. You're over there. We're over there. And that's what happened. And Rollo took the deal because Rollo was able to get some money out of it. And when we say raids, I like the word raids. It's kind of like when you say a soldier got injured.

Yeah. No, Ray Allen gets injured. Right. Ray Allen sprained his ankle. Yeah. Soldiers get maimed. That's what it is. When you hear the word raid, what they really mean is they murdered and raped. Yeah. They were there doing it. I mean, the Vikings were so, they liked it. Yeah. They really liked it. They enjoyed it. They went and they raided all these coastal towns spread all over Europe. Actually, you know, Rus, Russia is named after the Vikings that fucking pillaged that area. They were the Rusk Vikings. The Rus.

Yeah. Rus, it's a skinned. Because Vikings ruled the world for hundreds of years. They got in a lot of these elite areas and people just made concessions, and then they just, they assimilated into where they were and started speaking French and whatever. That's what it is. So think about the Normans. The easy way to do it is they come to northern France. They get the territory from Charles to Simple, whatever.

And then by the 11th century, they weren't really Vikings anymore. So about 300 years later, they were French-speaking Christians of Scandinavian ancestry, and they were known as the Normans. And the Normans were going to get to William the Conqueror. But this is really how, like, modern-day England is created through this. Yeah. So England was up there. And so Rolo, you know,

starts the thing, starts Normandy, and then Rollo has some kids, and then they go through the line, and then they become Christians, they become knights, they do all the stuff, they learn French, they learn how to eat baguettes. But they keep going, there's something missing. Right. They go, I like being French, I like having a cigarette, I like having a baguette. Yeah. But there's something missing.

What's this thing missing? There's a hole in me. Right. Oh, I know what it is. I need to kill, I need to kill and rape. That's what it is. I need to conquer. I need to go back out because at the heart we're.

Vikings. So then Rollo's great, great, great grandson, who is basically a John Snow of Normandy. He's a bastard son. Right. He's a bastard son of his pops who I think was Robert or Charles and one of these guys. One of these guys.

And his wife was a concubine. His wife was basically his mistress. Sure. And so... Be nice to bring back concubines. Be nice. Be nice if somebody could legalize concubines. Just a concubine. And I will say... Or herrim. And I will say, you know, I know that people are afraid. Some people are afraid, I should say, of like, you know,

Mamdani, Muslim mayors or them taking, you know, the Muslim Islamic faith taking over politics. I say bring it on because they are most likely to bring back concubines is Islamic leaders. The other ones, they'll bring it back the quickest. Yeah, I don't think, yeah, for them. If you want to have them. Yeah, I think you can, I think in certain places you can have it. Yeah, so it's what it is.

Definitely. Dearborn Michigan, you can have it. Dearborn Michigan hits a little different. Literally. So go ahead. attended. So he has to fight. I mean, this kid is a brilliant, savvy survivor from the beginning. And he survives assassination attempts, right? William the Conqueror. Yeah, because William the Conqueror is the illegitimate son of who's his Pops, Robert or something?

Who's his Pops? Oh, William the Conqueror. His Pops was somebody. His Pops was the guy. And so his mom was a concubine. So he's like a John Snow. His father was Robert the First, Duke of Normandy commonly called Robert the Magnificent or Robert the Devil, depending on what side of the aisle you're on. Yeah, Robert the Devil, as he's known in the Hispanic and black communities. Yes. Robert Deavel. Yeah, Robert Dievel, as the Israelites call him. Right.

So he's Robert the first. He was the Duke of Normandy from 1026 until his death and his illegitimate son, who were talking about the man in question. William, the famous William, was born in 1028 in Normandy. And his mom was a chick named Arlette. When we sound like a girl from Queen. Hey, it's Arlette. How are you doing? It's Arlette coming over.

Is she bringing some pound cakes again? I'll tell you what, my husband, Robert, who left me, he's a fucking scumbag. Would you believe that Christopher finally got married? Oh my God. Yeah. I just can't believe he didn't settle in Ridgewood. That was odd for me because he loves the neighbors. He keeps moving around, bouncing around.

He's got his screw loose. He's got a screw loose is what I tell you. But his father, his father. I always loved his father. His father's a nice kid. He was always coaching the baseball team. Now I heard he's having visions of people coming out of paintings and shit. I don't know what he's fucking boys.

I don't know what's going on. But it's good to see you all right. Yeah, good to see you all right. I'll see you at Sunday Mass at St. Matthias. Yeah, until Agnes, I say hello. So William the Conqueror. Yeah. Go up a little bit.

Jesse Messi. There it. Yeah. So William the Conquer, his big claim to fame, the big thing, the Duke of Normandy, William the Conquer invades England in 1066. with all his Normandy Vikings and the Battle of Hastings. He defeats Harold Godwinson, but the Battle of Hastings is really where it's the beginning of what modern-day English society is now. Yeah.

Cities of London and all that. It all comes from this raid. Norman expansion, he kept going. And the French and the English kind of beef that they still have starts here. It's all here. This all comes back to 1099. Yeah, 1066. 1066, sorry.

1066. They're upside down. Yep. So, and then they keep going. They take over Sicily, whatever. But really the Battle of Hastings, this is one day, October 14, 1066. It didn't last. So it lasted like a few hours.

Yeah. I sent you that AI video. Yeah. Do you watch that of that? Yeah, she could catch. Yeah. So what AI is doing now is they're showing you how, here, let me send, I'll send it to you, Jesse, because you just pull it up.

Yeah, here it is. What they're doing, I time travel to the Battle of Hastings. Can we play this and not get dinged? Yeah, play this because this is really shows. Yeah, like shows what's going on. So I'm in the East Coast of England. She's gorgeous, this girl. This is crazy.

William of Normandy and his army has just arrived from France, and they look serious about invading England. 700 ships. And they brought the horses on boats. Like, nobody does that. That's insane. And there's no one here. Nobody's stopping them.

The whole English army is like 300 miles away. This is the English army. They just beat a Viking invasion up north. Now they have to march 270. 70 miles back. Yeah, so pause it for a second. So what's interesting is, is, you know, the Normans were now, you know, they were a couple generations into being French, even though they had Vikings' roots.

But Viking raids, different tribes of Vikings were constantly raiding everywhere. So there was another bunch of Vikings that raided England like days before. Right. So this kid was busy. He just beat them. It was like, and then five days later, he had to march down to fight William. That's why he's going to lose. Yeah.

You know, they were everywhere like. Yeah. Chinese. Yeah. Way-sung-she-Ain. Yeah. Let's see. So this is Harold, who we're talking about.

The King of England. How do you feel about fighting again tomorrow? Are your men tired? Fumes. Yeah. Okay. I'll take that as a yes. Harold Godwit's in King of England.

When King Edward died, three men were the phone. This is probably what it looked like for real. Absolutely. Absolutely. That's what it looked like. I mean, we know from the outfits we know. And then you just, yeah, you build it. Start piecing it together.

And looking at what the ancient. writings were and you say this is what is. Yeah. He played in justice. This is fascinating to me. William says Harold swore an oath to support his claim instead and broke it. William even got the Pope's blessing for the invasion. So as far as he's concerned, this isn't a war. It's a debt being collected.

Wow. Yeah, it's probably something how it looked like. Look, that will they tell you, look. That's the shield wall. House carols at the front, everyone else, farmers mostly packed in behind them. And that's the entire English plan. To walk. Hold this ridge. Don't move.

Don't break. So this kid behind me is like 16. He was harvesting a field a week ago and now he's, okay. Okay, okay, that's them. Yeah, so they have to come uphill. The viches have to come uphill. Then the infantry, then the horses. They have to get up this whole hill.

And that's the only reason. The Normans have to come up at home. Which if you had the high ground in ancient times, you can win. It's always more. Even why nowadays? Not as much now. Yeah. It's actually a good point.

Why are they chasing them? Don't chase them. Don't. It was fake. They did a fake. They did it. They did. The Viking Normans were smart kids.

Yeah, you know who else you see that? Oh, the hunts, big. Fake. Fained, called feigned retreats. Big. Big. Yeah. Get them out.

Yeah. All right, let's see. Yeah. And then you go like this, you can come right back out. So Harold got killed in the battle. But most of England hasn't agreed to that yet. Not even close. Within 20 years, hundreds of castles go up, including the Tower of London you see today.

Nearly every cathedral gets rebuilt from scratch. Church like the kid big. That's William, right there, being crowned. And it's already going wrong. The crowd's cheering so loud, the guards outside, I think it's a riot and set fire to the street. But this right here is the start of modern England. New language, new laws, new ruling class. So I'm in the East.

Yeah, so that's when we get, you know, the angles in the set. Saxon, like English is mostly Angles Saxon language, and then you throw in some Latin from the Rome time, then you throw in some French over here. That's how English starts to get created. Norwegian words, you know? Right. And so that's modern English is a combination of all these things. Even how we're speaking starts at 1066 pretty much. It starts right there, baby.

Yeah, so that's really might be our real founders. Yeah, and what you had over there before was the Angles and the Saxons, those were just Germanic tribes over there that settled there. But the Vikings, the Vikings like to move around. Yeah. They like to really, they like to take a peek. The thing is with me and how much I move, I kind of, it's just every sign points to Viking. That's what I'm telling you. You're in the wrong, I'm telling you, go listen to our bonus episode where I really

break down what your anxiety is. You were born in the wrong century. Patreon.com slash history hanging is all broken down. I think you'd just have the heart of a pillager. And by the way, that's the thing. I knew if I was in a different time, I think I would be a pillager. Right. I think we'd all be a pillager.

We'd find ways to be pillagers. And then I think pillaging is a really hard habit to break. Right. I think it's, I think you can get a little out of hand and like drinking and people are going, whoa, you're pillaging a little too much. Right. And you go, really, yeah, we have to have an intervention because Yanni's been pillaging a lot. Yeah.

So we sit them down and you go, Yadi, you've been raping and pillaging like every day. Sometimes you rape and pillage alone. Yeah. This is getting out of hand. You can't do it anymore. And then you've got to go into the program for pillaging. Yeah. Yeah.

You just got to really abstain from pillaging. Yeah, it's what it is. Yeah. Yeah, it's probably the most addictive thing to pillaging. I don't know that you can come back from it. I think once you do it once, I think that's it. I think that's it. It's just a pillager.

It's just you're a pillager from there on. It was just a couple pillager. Yeah, I mean, obviously you look back in history and it looks horrifying. But in the moment, the guys are probably having a lot of fun. They were having a lot of fun. There's no question that they were lit on something. Oh, my God, but they hammered. Yeah, because the rumor is there was another tribe.

I think they were called the berserkers. That's where the word comes, berserkers, and the rumor was those kids used to do mushrooms. Yeah. And just have that it. Yeah. So they didn't think they were killing a person. They'd seeing dragons. Yeah.

It's just what it is. Yeah, it was more like Harry Potter for them. Look at that. Yeah, if you mean the Viking berserkers, they were a type of warrior associated with the Norse world. They would have extreme battle frenzy. The word berserker comes from old Norse berserker. It is often interpreted as bear shirt, suggesting warriors wore symbolically adopted the power of bears. and yeah, they just would fight with aggression,

ignore pain and fear, howl or roar before battle, bite shields, going to trans-like frenzy and fight with little or no armor. Yeah, I mean, these guys, it's funny history we forget, like, how brutal, how brutal, I mean, so the theories are that the berserkers used a mushroom, a type of, they were taking trumes. Right.

Kids weren't microdose near. They probably took a whole dose, and then that makes the berserking fun. Right. Right? That makes the preserve, it just gives it a little bit, it gives you something to play for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As you would say, I like that expression. You give you something to play for. You something to play for. And so I think you could pretty confidently say when you look at any war, any battle throughout history, the soldiers were high.

They were on something. How could you not be? How can you war sober? Yeah. You can't war sober. If you're going to war sober, you're a psycho. You're a fuck. If you're white knuckle in war, no, dude. I mean, who does that? You got to go when your pops was in Korea, what do you think he was on something? I never asked him that. That would be nice to know.

Yeah. All I know from that period is... Just what it is. He told me that without asking. Yeah, you just told you that. Only information I got. Yeah, it's just what it is. So sometimes you got to...

Yeah. It's all he told me, that's the only information. And he told me that war is hell. And he said, the reason why he was so decorated is because you can't pin a metal on a dead guy. That's all I know. That's all I know. And again, you didn't ask for it.

I did not ask for it, nor did I ask for him to tell me my mom had fumes. I did not ask for that. It's just what. what it is. Yeah. You got to deal with it. I got to deal with it sometimes. My dad was a war veteran. Your dad was a war veteran. It's once in a while, he's just going to tell you like it is. Yeah. Whether you want to hear it or not. It's kind of fun to just talk about your mom and dad now, like, even publicly say, like, my dad to the wife at fumes, because it's just like they're dead. They're dead. It's kind of nice. It's kind of nice. You can just tell the truth about the situation. Yeah, it's just what it is. So when your parents, God forbid, God forbid, someday, you will just become a fully gay man.

just what it is. Because that's kind of your struggle, right? I'm edging. Yeah. Yeah. Is it like deep down you feel like you may be gay and the reason why you're not gay is because your parents are alive? Or does it have more to do with the pressure from your group chat? I just, I think... Or is it both? Well, I think it's a combination of things, but I think the main... I've talked about on stage before. When my dad dies,

I just think that I'm going to take a good look inside and see what's in there. Yeah. And I see... And I suspect I'll find some sugar in the tank. You might fight a little bit. Yeah. You might fight a little bit. Maybe that's why you're pre-diabetic. because there's a lot of sugar in the tank. Because I've been having a little bit of an issue in my house.

Having some pests. I haven't had some pets. Yeah. And I'm talking about ones that were in the, you know, they're in the house, they're running around. So I called up a little company called Pesty. Pestey's nice because a lot of times you want to save a couple dollars and do it yourself. Yes. With Pesty, you can do it on your own.

They give you the kit. They give you the know-how. And you go out. Sometimes you don't need to call an exterminator. You got ants in your pants? Yeah. Yeah, just get Pesty. Because I like Pesty, okay?

It's awesome. It gets rid of over 100 types of bugs from spiders and ants to roaches and scorpions. Pesty is kid and pet friendly. The pesticides they ship are fully registered and have been used in hospitals and schools all over the country. Pestey offers 100% bug-free guarantee or your money back. If the bugs don't go away, you're going to get a full refund. The kit includes a sprayer, a mixing bag. Pesticide, gloves, and instructions you can complete in less than 10 minutes.

Yeah, you can scrub the bugs, baby. What it is? Bugs out of your summer sanctuary with Pestie. Go to Pestey.com slash hyenas for an extra 10% off your order today. That's P-E-S-T-I-E dot com slash hyenas for an extra 10% off. Now, let me ask you this, because this Battle of Hastings, the 1066, the Vikings, the Normans, you know, you find it fascinating. these people fight, they have a good time, whatever. They created all this modern day England.

I mean, now do you believe, because there also is conspiracies and all that, do you believe that these Viking invaders, these people were otherworldly and were an alien, ancient alien race that got put on here on this planet because they just look different, they sounded different, they were able to conquer so much so quickly. What do you have to say to that? No, I think for that there's a very convincing natural explanations. And what is it? I think the kids lived up north.

They didn't get a lot of sun, so they got pale because that benefited them. How did they get so tall? They got tall because they had a diet, a high calorie, high protein diet of fish and meat. And so they became big. They didn't eat much bread. I think it's cold up there, so they got bored. Right. I think they got bored.

I think they were a little depressed. Right. And I think pillaging was something that just kind of. to solve the problem. Right. I think they said, hey, we're sitting up here. It's cold and shitty. And then one guy came back and goes,

who did it result to who, which translated to, hey, I just killed the guy. Yeah. And I feel alive. It's just one in. And the rest of them said, I want in on that. Yeah. And so I think they just all started doing that to feel good. And the Vikings definitely discovered America before Columbus.

I hate to tell you that we shouldn't be celebrating Christopher Columbus. We should be celebrating wars. We should be celebrating Erling Holland. because he discovered it first. I mean, they, it says, they said that Columbus knew. Columbus had access to knowledge of early Norse voyages and deliberately concealed them. There's evidence Columbus had some geographical information about the North Atlantic. So listen, the kid probably knew the Kensington Roonstone, which was discovered in Minnesota in 1898,

supposedly proves Vikings travel deep into North America in 1362. Yeah, and that in Minnesota now has a very very big. veil over it with Arabic lighting. It's just what it is. It's just times change. Different things change. You know, everyone has a run. You know, William the Conqueror, he focused on ruling Normandy, and he focused on ruling England. Yeah. But the kids, they like, they like the pillage. So they did take a couple bites out of Scotland. Yeah. They took a couple bites out of the coast of Ireland, but they mainly focused on England. And meanwhile, his cousin was down there, and he took Sicily. and he took Sicily from

who? The Muslims. The Muslims were in Sicily. Yeah. And that would have been in totally different history if his cousin, I don't remember what his cousin's name was,

but he was like, I'm going to go up and take England, right? You're going to go down, you're going to go down, and you got a different job. Yeah. You got a different job.

Yeah. All right? Your job is a little different. What I want you to do is you got a little bit, you got more of a claim for Christ. Yeah. Yours is a little bit more of a holy mission

It's just what it is. Ours is about money, power, a berserk. We're going to go berserk over there. Yeah. And, you know, but afterwards we're going to say, hey, we're going to live with you people and you guys are just going to submit to our rule. Over there, I want you to remove some stuff.

Yeah. I want you to remove them. Yeah, it's a cleaning service. Yeah. So it's different. Now, here's the thing, if you just, if you go back, go to that Viking bald eagle, uh, torture thing.

The Vikings were pretty. you know, I saw this in that show the Vikings on the history in the history channel. They no, go down a little bit, boom, the blood eagle. So they said that what

if you could just pull up exactly what it was, but I think what it was is what they would do is they would cut open their ribs and pull their lungs out from under their ribs and wrap them around their collar bones and you would have to do that and show no pain. And if you showed any pain, you were going to hell,

but if you show no pain, you were going right to Valhalla. You were going right to Valhalla and Odin couldn't do nothing about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do that one. You had to explain that one. Because the Blood Eagle,

I remember seeing it in the show. And, you know, again, because it was the Vikings, it was shirtless men running around. I was getting horned up. But I remember when they showed this, when they showed this torture execution, this torture method,

I remember going a little limp because I was like, if that's true, that sucks. Yeah. By the way, when you go to Sweden or you go to Norway or whatever and you cheer, they go, score. Skull.

School. Now, the rumor is that's because the Vikings used to drink out of skulls. Sure. But that's not actually, that's just a myth. It's actually the word for bowl or cup. Got it. So, okay, so here it was. Here was the Blood Eagle, ritualized execution

described medieval Norse sagas where captives back was carved open. Their ribs severed from the spine and pulled outward like wings and their lungs drawn out. This is this is for people. It's like silence of lamps. Yes, people, they really hated, and it was an offering to Odin. Place the living victim face down.

Cut an eagle shape with outstretched wings into the flesh of the back. You sharp blades are axes to slice the ribs away from the spine. Pull the ribs and skin outward to resemble bloody wings. Extract the lings through an open cavity. Yeah, I mean, what you're seeing is this is what people did before television. So they just had a different idea of fun, no? It's just what it is. They just had a different idea of fun.

Just what it is. I'd call you up and say, hey, do you want to go stroll? Do you want to get some Van Lewin? And these guys would go, hey, do you want to go string somebody up by their ribs and pull them out and make them look like a butterfly? Hey, you want to go Blood Eagle somebody's down on Fifth Avenue in the part that changed a little bit? You want to pull their ribs and skin outward? Yeah. And just to look at them.

Yeah. You want to create some murder art. Yeah. So they just had a different idea. They just what it is. They were just built a little different. They were a little bit more vicious. The Vikings, when you really look, I read a book a long time ago.

It was like a history of the Vikings. And I remember reading it going like, wow, they don't really teach you. this in school. They don't really teach you how brutal. I mean, they would kill priests. They would, I mean, they were just... Women, children, it didn't matter. They kill everybody. The closer you live to the sea boss, I mean, it was like... Guy.

Yeah, because those guys, they like to be on, hop off. They were doing sort of like a... Like the way you do a cruise of the Greek islands where you spend one day on there. That's kind of what the Vikings did. They hopped off and instead of collecting chopskis and having one margarita, what they did is they raped your

sister, killed your priest, and they hop back on a boat. It's just what it is. It's what you call a Viking tour. A Viking tour. And the thing is, the different places they would go is just those are the different people they would kill. Like, do you want to go on a Muslim cruise? That means we're going to go bald to eagle. That's right.

Go bald eagle Christians. We can go bald eagle Jews. Well, just go bald eagle. You'll just what you pick. Yeah. That's what they probably called it to you. You want to go bald eagleing today? Yeah.

And they would just do a little bored. So, yeah. So just look, I know that the world may not be exactly to your liking and present day wherever you're living. But just know it's not as bad as getting bald eagled. by a Viking. It's nice to have a little bit of perspective. Sure. It's nice to know that William the Conqueror abolished slavery in England, but he didn't

do it to be nice. Right. He did it because creating serfdom was even more degrading and financially beneficial. It's just, it's nice to know there was a period called the medieval times where everyone claimed to be Christian and they lived completely opposite of Jesus. If Jesus showed up during medieval times, he'd go, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys. Guys, this is not exactly what I had in mind. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So people were more like animals until we made machines, really. Right, right. So I wonder if with AI, like, we'll continue to just be more peaceful. Because really that's our true blood, right? That's really what our true blood is. What, to be peaceful?

No, to be vicious. Industrialization is like our true blood. Right. Like, we didn't only really start to consider, like, United Nations and peace and all these things until we had, like, machines doing most of the... Before that, nobody ever wanted peace. There was always constant war. They wanted slaves.

Bad. Big. Big time. Yeah. Slaves were something you just wanted. Now, because slaves, you can make them work and you could also fuck them whenever you want. It's just what it is. So there were some benefits to it from the slave owner's perspective.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's horrible for the slaves. But listen, it's just what it is. It's just what it is. William the Conquer, like most people in history, it's a little bit of a good and bad. It's a mix from a modern, from a modern, sensibility, you look back and you want to take his statues down.

Right. But then if we take his statue down, we got to take everyone's statue down because even Martin Luther King liked pussy. It's just what it is. Everybody's got a wrinkle. Gandhi liked a little young pussy. It's just the what we call inconvenient truths. Yes.

And we accept it all in Jesus's name. It's what it is. And we said that we were going to do a little series called inconvenient truths during the first record. And we never did it. We never got to anything. There was a bunch of series we're going to do Leaky Roof, and we still haven't done it. But that's why you love us.

But that's why you love us. And that's why we're getting, we're going tomorrow to look at podcast studios because we might be getting our own space to do more work. And most people would say, hey, that's a good business decision. You guys would be able to turn out more content. But we're going to look at studios because we want a nice place to walk around. It has a lot of restaurants and has a lot of cute stuff. That's just how we're built. It's nothing to fight.

It's nothing to fight. Other people go, hey, this is a good business district. This is something. me and you go, where's cute to walk? That's what it is. It just makes us different. It just makes us different and it's who we are. And it's because of you, the beautiful fans at patreon.com slash history aene is that we're even allowed to do that.

So we want to say thank you. And we also want to read the names of the newest members of the matriarchy, the people who have decided to just come and join the Patreon. Not only do they get ad-free episodes. They get bonus episodes that are only heard exclusively at patreon.com slash history ainaeis. So welcome to the matriarchy. welcome me Chinese me play joke we put fentanyl in your coke put them on the list right off the back okay so that's interesting so that's huge so we have a potential first that's called the lebron james came out early we came out early and got so we this is never

happened before we've had a couple of and they have made it to the finals but nobody's ever one coming out strong right we're going to see if you live up to the high number one pick then we got elliot pages juno baby achilles okay then we got boy named jew um instead of a boy named stew Sue? Sue. Boy named Sue. Boy named Sue. Yeah, throw him on there.

Get him on the list? Yeah, throw him on the list. Yeah. I do it was a boy named Sue. It's from, that's a song, right? Yeah, that's, what's his name? I don't know. Yeah, the song from.

The song, boy named Sue. Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash. Jay Klein O3, Jay Clark, Tom Camiery. Then we got, how do I convince my GF to try anal it's been four years four years I can't take it okay the kids go through a little struggle

all right pseudo penis boner Anthony Williams John Terry blue collar kid built like a twink so you know I have a side job okay I know he's going for

yeah Tristan Huxstable Eddie Sierra Freddy got fingered Jake Barge chimney sweeping flutang clan Flutang Clan nice try

Why does my wife's sausage gutter taste like Leroy glue? Sausage gutter is hilarious. The kids talk about it's a life. Yeah, we're going to directs to that. And I know that this is not a family podcast. You guys don't get together to listen to this. This is something you do when you're in the car alone. Just know, whoever you know, just know that somebody out there, the wife is,

calls it your sausage cutter. Okay, so then we got Kaya, MJ. Can't spell good because I'm a stupid. Elroy. What's an Elroy? I guess they meant Lee can't spell

good. Oh. Then she's black she looks like but I don't know if she's a different picture but that's not okay.

Jason Hagopian Comcomando Chicken finger Ivan the squeak nobody cares about cholesterol way she ain't my doctor

kids just sick are you talking about it Yeah, Leroy Trans, aka Dingsdong Ditched. Okay, we've had that. I use my girl's chimney as a cereal bowl for free cocoa puff. Put them on the list. Okay, Jesus Christ. It's just what it is.

Jesus Christ, that's a good one. It's just what it is. That is really funny, yes. My conservative dad won't stop calling my antidepressants, Mom Donnie's TikTok. Put them on the tip. Put them on the list. Just what it is. Now we got Peacock's cousin.

It's Poopass. Will, proud dad of a Somali daycare grad. Put him on the list. Just what it is. Strong today. Cliff Hackney, Mr. A-Z-T. Father $3 bill, Fong into the cuck sauce. Wait, thong?

Okay. Fong, I know. Middle Village penis midgett. Drexler, strong list. Sorry. Sweety hands, call them Indian badez. Put him on the list. it is.

Way so chain. How are these people so funny, dog? It's just what it is. How are they so fun? They're the best of all time. I couldn't come up with these names.

They're the best of all time. Best fans ever. How do they sit around like for a year until they nail it? Yeah. Your mom. Then we got keep sitting on my old nuts like a whoopee cushion.

Drexler. I'm sorry. It's a strong list. Celebrated 42 with some birthday glue. Matt, famous Amos. Border boarding, aka Muzzy Baptism. I mean, it's got to go on the list. I mean, it's just too funny.

I mean, it's bad. It's not going to win because we can't put it up in lights, but it's too good. Then we got only racist when they board the plane on speakerphone. Lad of 14. Drexler. Derek the Honduran. Hindsight 420. Don't remove the banana string before sticking it up my ass.

We may have to stop. This is too big a list. It's got four more. Yeah, Jesus. Got a vibrating butt plug in my ass. For sale, well-loved vintage dildo. Pickup location, level two, prison clock 263, Amsterdam, aka Anne Frank's house. He went for it.

Chubby special needs Latina. Call me retortad. Then we got nicotine fiend with a zini in my peen ladder 14. So do you want me to stop there? I want you to stop there because we have way too many already. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

We already have too many. You just fair of one page? That was just one page. I mean, it was chock full of, it's too much. Yeah. Okay. It would be unfair to keep going. So, all right.

All right. So we'll save that. Okay. So here is the list. We have me Chinese, me play joke, we put fentanyl all in your Coke. You got to keep that around. Okay. Boy named Jew.

We're going to, we get a chicken finger that. Okay. It's a good one. I use my girl's chimney as a cereal bowl for free cocoa puffs. We got to keep that. We got to keep that around. Yes. Proud dad of a Samofermed.

daycare grad. It's really good. It's a little bit old news, right? We're going to Drexler it. All right. It's funny though. It's just the way this game works. Sweaty hands, call them Indian bidets.

We got to keep that around. Then we got waterboarding, aka Muzzy Baptism. We got to keep it around. It's just what it is. It's so fucked up. It's so funny. So we got four. We got me Chinese, me play joke.

We put fentanyl in your Coke. We got I use my girl's chimney as a cereal bowl for free cocoa puffs. sweaty hands call them Indian bidets Waterboarding, aka muzzie baptism Okay Okay I can't believe we have this problem

Two fucking episodes in a row I mean they're almost getting these I don't know how they're coming up with these names dude I'm going to do sweaty hands I'm going to Drexler out of these Okay yeah okay I'm going to stretch for that It is very funny though to Indian bidet

It is but is that a right decision I think so Compared to the other ones right So then it's between me Chinese Me Play joke we put fentanyol in your Coke It's too good. I use my girl's chimney as a cereal bowl for free cocoa puffs. It's too good.

Or waterboarding, aka Muzzy Baptism. You got to put them to the fans. I mean, I'm not choosing. It's got to go to the fans. What do you guys think? Look, just because it's happening two times in a row, that's not our fault. We don't predict this stuff. I'm not making a decision.

Jesse and Nick, is there any ones that you stick out to you guys? Yeah, those are three winners. But let's put it to the fans. They did a good job last week. Let's see what they could do this week. Yeah, okay. So guys, go to Patreon.com slash history hyenas to see these three names, you have to vote.

The only way to vote is over there at the Patreon. I don't know. Again, it's between me Chinese, me play joke, me put, we put fentany in your Coke. That's a winner. I use my girl's chimney as a cereal bowl for free cocoa puffs. That's a winner. Or waterboarding, aka Muzzy Baptism. I mean, it's three winners.

These are the choices. Yes, so listen, don't get mad. Don't say, oh, you guys are getting lazy. You're not picking them. When it comes to a situation like this where you get three winners, we need like, you know, you used to call a friend on that show. Yeah, well, it wants to be a million. We need help. We need help.

And, you know, you guys get involved. And we think that when we put it to the vote, again, I know that we picked the correct three names last week because it's not like there was a clear-cut winner. No. Our fans were divided. Again, I bet you they're going to be divided on this. I guarantee you this will be even more divided than last week. Go vote. Let us know.