History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - The New Crusades: Will the Muslims Win the Title? | History Hyenas

Episode Date: October 9, 2025

Yanni & Chrissy dive deep into the 3rd Crusade and tell you all about cutie Richie the Lionheart. He was definitely a cute kid who led a group of fumed-out Christians to try and reconquer Constantinople and the Holy Land. Find out how he panned out and what the boys predict will happen in the next playoffs between the two powerhouse teams — the Chrissys vs. the Muzzys. Enjoy these two crusading cuties on this journey of historical info & disinfo! Support our sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get the right life insurance for YOU, for LESS, and save more than fifty percent at https://selectquote.com/HYENAS. #comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://teespring.com/stores/historyhyenas Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody? Before we get started, we got a great episode about Richard the Liarhart and the Crusades. It's a wild one. You can catch me live in Toronto at the Royal Theater, October 18th. Then you can catch me in Tulsa, October 24th and 25th, and Bozeman, Montana, and Stanford, and then Bakersfield, California. Yes, honey, it's going to be a fun little crusade episode. We talk a lot about who the good guys are and who the bad guys are. And the answer is, you'll have to find out. You could come see me in Boston this weekend. October 9th, 10th, and 11th, I'm at the Wilbur, the Chevalier, and the Wilbur again. And then October, in the third week of October, I am in Richmond, Virginia, and Atlanta, Georgia.

It's going to be very fun, Christy Comedy.com or Historyland is Back.com for all your ticky wikis. So buckle up. It's going to be good. And you tell us who won and who lost. Because real quick, Richmond, Virginia, should I just come with you? Because that is a cute history city. Just come with me. When is it? It's, I'm going to tell you right now, I think it is the week. it's October I think like 18th or something like that I'm in tell you right now honey girl wait a second do you want to come with me to Richmond Virginia it is October 23rd and 24th 23rd I'm in Atlanta October 24th I'm in Richmond I'm in Tulsa and here's what I'm doing shows in Tulsa that just cancel the shows in Tulsa that yeah because I you know because

you did that at Magoobie I know I did it and we should be doing history tours yeah because Richmond is a cute fucking history town yeah cute town and Atlanta is also another state capital I already have a picture in front of the state capital in Richmond, but I'm going to get a picture in front of the state capital in Atlanta. Atlanta makes me want to get jungle fever. Yeah, I'm playing out the tabernacle. It's a beautiful theater. Yeah.

Yeah, and I love black women. What's up, everybody, welcome to another episode of history hyenas. We got a good one for you today. I'm Chris Stefano, a.k.a. Christy the Crusader. With me, as always, Janus Pappas, a.k. Yanni the Saracen. Yanni's a little Arab. Yeah, Yadi's got 1% Arab. Today we're going to be talking to you. About the nine inning game, different uniforms, different teams. The Christians versus the Muslims in the finals.

We've done this episode before, but now we're going to focus in on a cute kid named Richard Lai and Hart, who was a cute kid. Who was a cute kid who was also allegedly bisexual. And so we're going to get into the nitty gritty of it all, and it's fun. And the only thing I'll say, as I'll just give you, you know, I'll just start the episode by saying this is that Islam is attacked. again. And they're attacking again psychologically, and if you don't get your ass back to church, then Islam will take over like the surgeons Turks did in the Middle Ages. This is the Yankees Red Sox of geopolitical warfare in history.

There came a point once Islam formed a team, right? It's like the Yankees, the Christians, you know, they came out strong. Once Constantine was like We're the Yankees That became the evil empire They had all the money They had the church They were dominating

And then there was a scrappy A scrappy band Of Sandra D's out there in the desert Some place you've been by the way Some places I've been recently So and there was a scrappy band Of them They were like the Red Sox

You could wear facial hair You know You could go to leather bars Like Roberto Alamar There was less rules You didn't have to shave your face You could have your name on your jersey And they started forming

and they got really good, and then they started running the tables, which is basically what the Red Sox have been doing since this was the first time the Yankees beat the Red Sox in the playoffs since like 2004. Did you know that? Yeah, and now they're getting smacked by the Blue Jays. They're getting smacked by the Canadian. So here we go and listen, like anything else, because the Crusades, as we'll break it down, is much like a sport.

It is sports. It is just sports history. The Crusade Wars were sports. And it's like anywhere else, who is the best at sports and who did Islam go out and recruit? The blacks. So that's why we're losing big. The Catholics are losing big because the Islam's have the blacks and we did not get the blacks and they're better at sports than us. So if they had the blacks...

We only have one white and her name is Michelle Wolfe. And unfortunately, I love her. At Vinnie Pass, the underground rapper. At Vinnie Pass. So we got a white kid from Philly. Yeah, and we got Jihadi John. and that's about it and now we don't have

and so we need to get more black people in Christianity and I want to get the blacks in Catholicism I do we got we definitely got a couple right right they got Mo Amir

right they have Hassam Minaj they got a lot we almost lost them though we almost lost them to baby powder in an envelope Way song she ain't

but he's here he's safe and that's all it matters well let me ask you this in the Great Crusade who would the Hindus fight with because if we could get the Hindus that's big yeah we need the Hindus

yeah big Can we get the Hindus? Well, will they go with Islam? No, they will not go with Islam. So then we got a chance to get them. Yeah. No, that's the only hope we have if the next crusade happens is the Hindus. And the Chinese.

And the Chinese. We do need to think the Chinese, they're not a fan either. I would say they're probably the number one anti-fan. Aren't they more Christian? Who, the Chinese? Aren't they, aren't those churches that they have? Aren't those more in line with Christianity than Islam? No, because they don't.

They don't have souls. They're human robots. God's what it is. They don't go by any religion, but, you know, war makes for strange bedfellows. It's just what it is. Sometimes the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So sometimes you've got to side with the atheist, communist, Chinese, the elephant, multi-arm, loving Hindu, Xandras.

Right. And you got to gather up whatever Catholics you can from South America and Africa and everywhere else, Lutheran, Protestant, Catholic. And we've got to go back in there. Yeah. And we've got to do our thing because, look, I'm ready for a little excitement. It's just what it is. Let's get back.

Yeah. Let's get back. It's time. Okay, it's called Constantinople. Yeah. That's the name. You could try to call it, Istanbul, all you want. No.

But it's Khan Stan To Noble. This is definitely going to be demonetized. Yeah, it's just what it is, but we're already in it. I'm just kidding. But we're already in it because what we have to do, remember this, my friend, we have to resist less. Okay, you must resist less and just keep going forward and be happy with who you are. Because any time you're striving to be something else, and you're trying to get your goals and you are rejecting the idea of you, your one true self,

and that is the only self that you need to love. The present is enormous. The future is small. Okay, my friends? Yes. So you must be at peace and remember that any spark of anger within you is just that is within you. The person who cut you off, you are not angry at them. You are anger at yourself for some other reason.

Remember, I want you next time you feel anger. I want you to pause. I want you to take a deep breath in. Count to five and say, can I get this out of me? Do I have to deal with this? and the answer almost always is no and the answer almost always is the reason why you're anger is because you are resisting something

so my friends I say resist nothing except Islam it's about to say there's one caveat there's no exception without a rule resist nothing unless you look up at the mountain top at the horizon and you see just a bunch dudes and bed sheets

yelling Allah Akbar then go get your hoe go get your rake and get ready to protect your women and children because they will be taken into a concubinage. It's just what it is. You don't have to weigh Shangjin in it. I mean, that's kind of what happened.

Yeah, I mean, look, here's the truth. We're talking about the Crusades, obviously. Now, it's a message. Which we lost big. We lost big. Yeah. But a lot of people, you know, when I was doing my research on the Crusades, you know, I was taught, because here's the thing in history, right, is it all gets whitewashed, right?

Everybody's doing whitewashing, sports washing, entertainment washing, whatever, you know, whatever any comedian on Twitter's been saying the last week or whatever washing that would have been washing my clothes. I laugh at it all. I have a good time. Yeah, it's just, there's a lot of washing. There's a lot. Everybody's getting washed.

There's music washing. There's money washing. It's just what it is. When the musicians go, it's, it's guitar washing. It's R&B washing. You wash it all. I love, I, yeah. It's washing.

You got to wash it. It's just what it is. Which is ironic because back then, the Christians are the ones that needed to take a bath. And Baghdad and the Muslim world was squeaky clean. squeaky clean yeah and it's just like my failed bonus series yeah squeaky clean it's just and it's just funny it's just funny because I saw something like some tweet or whatever the other day about you know the Saudi Arabia comedy festival thing and somebody's like I hope Kevin Hart knows what he did and then the thing is what I encourage you to do is get on a flight from New York to Dubai and Qatar Airways and watch the safety information video it's Kevin Hart doing the safety information of Qatar Airways so I don't think he really cares no I don't think Kevin cares and I love it for that it's really funny um because Fluffy posted, Fluffy posted, first of all, two things were funny to me. Fluffy posted a photo like, there's nothing going on.

Because he just lives in another world. He's like, he's like, he's not part of like the, he's not part of like the, you know, the liberal comedian. Or the Rogan sphere. Yeah. He's not in it. He's just this massive star who's like mostly Mexican fans and like global fans. And the Mexicans don't care at all.

Well, they don't even know what's going. Nobody even knows just gone. They don't know David Crosses. They don't know Mark. Barrettist. Yeah, they couldn't care less. It's all working class Mexican people. It's like liberal elitist, wealthy white guys talking to each other. That's what I said. It's like irony is, is, I'm just saying a fact, right? Like Fluffy's fans are the working class kind of immigrants, kids or immigrants, mostly, you know, are Mexican immigrants and the people who, a lot of these people on the

other side who are yelling, those are the people they're yelling on behalf of a lot of the times. And they don't even know who they are. Right. I mean, Mexican Americans have no idea who Mark Maranis. No. He doesn't perform in those neighborhoods. They don't go to those shows. No. But everything that he'll say his politics are about is for those people. But they have no idea who is. They just go to Fluffy concerts and they work their asses. If Maron took off his glasses with the mustache and the long hair, he would look like their abuela. That's who they think it is. They think that's somebody's Abolita from Mexico. So Fluffy posting this picture goes, I've been coming to Saudi Arabia for years. He goes, I love these fans. He's in

arena. He's like, I get so much love of Saudi Arabia. That's why I've been coming here for years. I'm like, where were you guys? Why weren't you yelling at Fluffy? Yeah. Why weren't you yelling at Fluffy? And let me just say this. It's funny also to watch how disconnected Dave Chappelle. When you get rich and famous, I mean, he goes, listen, Dave Chappelle goes because in the other side, it's like, listen, you know, I can't say things I want in America. I'm more free to say the things I can't over there. It's like, Dave. Dave. Dave, I think you've been living in Ohio with your bag of money a little too long. Yeah. I'm not sure if that's the case.

Yeah. He's like, they say you can't, they say you can't talk about Charlie Kirk. You'll get canceled. It was even the American perspective, like, ooh, canceled. You're going to get canceled? People are getting mad at you. They're going to tweet stuff? Right.

Because you know what they do in Saudi Arabia? You let you see those hands? You don't have hands anymore. Yeah. It's a little different. Yeah. So that was funny to see too, but also was very funny was to see. Yeah, for me, they were going to cut my hands off,

but they saw that I already chew them off myself of just biting my name. nails bleeding from my cuticle so they didn't care the funny thing also uh cipher posted he was like yo fuck get your hands out of my money get your heads out of my pocket it was like nobody can't yeah nobody was like who's that when you were there i don't even know what you're talking about the only people that are following this encounter people who read the source it's what it is i'm just kidding yeah it was a fun time but going over there it's sorry ray about you know i went got me thinking about the crusades it got me thinking about you know whose land is it and so I was always taught in school that the Crusades kind of, you know, what I was saying, it gets

whitewashed through history like it's such a bad thing. The Crusades, we were so, you know, Christians, we were, you know, bloodthirsty. We killed these poor Muslims. And of course, there's truth in some of that. But the also bigger truth is that it's very messy and gray that it wasn't a war. The crusades happened because we Christians wanted to get the lands back from the Muslims because the Muslims were doing this expansion and they took over all these lands that were once Christian lands, like once our holy land, they just took it because I didn't realize because for like a few hundred years in Europe, when before Europe, before like 1066, when William the Conqueror basically started uniting, everything started to get like united like the UK and England and Europe.

You know, dude, they had no, nobody read for like two, 300 years. They were all, they were living in like one room huts like barbaric. In, in these years when Muslim, expansion came and just took all these lands. They were fighting armies that like with sticks basically and the Muslims had these great armies and were so well educated and hygienic where the Europeans had nothing. And it was like years and years and years, hundreds of years of Christians living in Europe just kind of being like, what the hell did we do? We lost everything. Did they finally start to unite little by little and then finally say, okay, now we're going on a crusade to go get to go get the land back from the Muslims.

It wasn't for no reason. I was always taught. I thought that they were just doing it because they wanted to convert everyone to Christianity. But it wasn't about, they weren't trying to convert anyone to Christianity. They just wanted to get the land back. Well, they slaughtered some Jews too along the way. They did, but so did the Muslims. So did the Muslims. Here's the yicky, yucky, icky, ewy truth is that the Muslims also slaughter Jews and took more slaves actually two to one slaves more than any Christian

ever did. So that is the problem with the. argument is that the Muslims had more slaves, so now what, hon? No, the truth is, the truth of the matter is, when it comes to the goat of slavery, yeah, like the absolute goat, it's definitely the Arab expansions

and the Ottoman. The Dave Chappelle's slavery, the goat. They are, if you want to talk about the goat of slavery, there's no, there's no comparison. I want to just give a quick shout out, clap it up for the Muslims, you guys have, you took the most slaves, and you deserve that, you're the Hall of Fame. Yeah, no, they really did, I mean, they

took, I think it's like 18 million. And also you got to remember this was over 1,400 years. Yeah. So it was long range. Yeah, your ancestors were some of them. My ancestors were so. Because the Ottoman Turks. I mean, you're talking about that, right? Yeah. That's right. I am a descendant of second class citizen slaves. So a great, great, great movie to watch. I know that it is not, it is mostly not historically accurate. But if you just do a little digging, because again, this is not a podcast or YouTube where we give you all the facts. Okay. We have a little fun, little sprinkles. And then you do your own restart, Honey Bunny. Yeah.

So, but Kingdom of Heaven with Orlando Bloom, you ever seen that movie, Kingdom of Heaven about, I believe it was the third, I believe it was the third crusade. No, I forgot what crusade it was about, but it was basically, you know, the third crusade is where, is Richard Leinhardard. So we're going to talk about Richard Leinhart, so this is before. The Kingdom of Heaven, it's basically, you know, Christians, you know, Christians had control of Jerusalem for 200 years. 200 years, Christians fully owned Jerusalem.

it was not Muslims wound up you know getting it at and that's where this movie picks up is a leader the great leader from the for the Muslims was Saladin Saladin was the man Saladin they say and and the reason why because he did hire here's the thing here's the thing with history right here's what you always have to ask yourself is you know do these great leaders like a Saladin do they are they just hiring biographers to write favorable things about them and yes most of them all the way all of them are however sky all agree that Saladin was a great guy because even his Christian enemies wrote that he was a great leader. That's how you know. If even your enemies are saying, no, no, this guy was a good guy. And on the other side,

King Baldwin, who was dying of leprosy, also was a great guy. He also didn't want any more bloodshed and he wanted people to just kind of coexist within the walls. And be taxed. And be taxed. Well, here, we're going to get to the caveats.

But King Baldwin is, you know, he's dying of leprosy. And it's interesting because I went, I started doing some research like there's he wears a mask in this movie and it's like freaky and I was like oh that's good like I think it was um ridley scott directed it I was like oh that was a nice choice by him but then all the all the history says that's the mat he wore a mask like that which is just freaky like he's just talking to this mask his face doesn't move because his face is all you know decrepit from from leprosy and so the one thing that I learned about is these people the the Christians and the Muslims were pretty much living they were they were living they were living in relative peace for a while. For a while, they were living in relative peace because the Christian, and now, now this is, it's one of these things where I'm just telling you a factoid. I'm not, this is not an opinion. This is just a facty-wacty that I learned, and I read a little

book called The Crusades for Dummies. So it said this in this book, that the Christians, okay, the Christians, when they had control of Jerusalem or took over anything, they would allow the Muslims and Jews to live within the walls. The Christians would. The Christians would. When they took over a city, they would kill the Jews and the Christians. And it would just be Muslim and you would either convert and you had two choices. You would either convert.

I'm sorry, three choices. You would be killed or you would pay a tax. Giza. You would pay a Giza. You would pay a Giza. You would pay some money to get your freedom. Now, the Christians didn't do that. So I'm not saying one's right, one's wrong.

I'm just saying what's a fact, what's the truth, Bader Ginsburg, and then you decide. Well, they both did a little bit of both. Right. But you have to give it to the Muslims. The Muslims... You're a Saracen! I think the Muslims overall, through the Arab expansions and the Ottoman Empire both. I think they did less of that.

Less, they did a lot of force conversions. They did a lot of massacres. Because the Arabs were about converting you to Islam. The Christians were not about converting you to Christianity. they just wanted to land back. No, they also wanted to convert you as well. But they'd like to kill you too, yeah. But what the...

Everybody's bad and good, by the way. Everyone's bad. Well, I guess, but I mean, it was just a brutal time. But where the Muslims were smart was the Giza. So from the founding, you know, from the outset, so the Arabs, the Arab expansions, and then the Ottoman Empire did the same thing. Right. It was a smart, when it comes to empire, this is a smart tactic when you think about it.

They said, look, we oppress these people, right? What they're going to do, they're constantly, going to want to revolt. They're constantly going to be a problem. Right. It's constantly going to be an issue. So they said, and also, we like money. We need money to fuel our empire. So what we're going to do. Talking about the Arab empire. Just put it in all one big Arab empire. One big sandstorm. Yeah. So we're talking about the big sandstorm, which was, by the way, the Romans get a lot of credit for a thousand years or whatever they had when you add in the Holy Roman Empire. But look, the Muzis had like a 1400 year run. Yeah, they were doing a good run. And honestly, look, you got to understand something too. The Muslim, fantastic fighting force, 100%. But put yourself in the Christian shoes. And they did it in dresses and cheap. And they did in dress and sheets. But imagine you're walking all this way. You're not showing up for a fight. You got a beach ball and sandcastle bucket and you think you're just going to have a fun day. And then all of a sudden

you start getting arrows to the head and you start getting hit with the scepters and those swords. When you're just there, you know what I mean? You got a cooler. You got a beach towel. I mean, I've been in the sand for a year. Right. Little side note. You know what, you see what China's doing to the desert over there? They're converting, it's crazy. Anyway, so what they did do, get that at patreon.com. It's really crazy. We're going to talk. That episode will be called Chinese in the sand. Dude, we're over here having debates online and figuring out what the truth is. They're over there like converting the desert into arable land. Anyway, smart. Yeah, who's going to win? Who owns the

future? It's not us. It's the scream masks. Way Songxi-ean. Anyway, so what they did was they, instead of doing that, they were aware, like, look, we don't want the constant revolts. Like, when you look at the Jews, constantly, revolting against the Romans. It's always a problem trying to subjugate all these people. So they said, we're going to let them keep their religion if you want. But here's the deal. You're right. You can never bring a charge against a Muslim. Muslims have all the rights. Okay. And you have to pay this tax in order to keep your religion. So it's your choice. You can either convert to Islam and become one of us or you can still be a Jew or a dirty infidel or a Jew.

And you can practice your religion, but you have to pay a tax. Also, you could never bring a charge against the Muslim. Right. So you could never go, hey, a Muslim robbed me. Yeah. And now I'm taking it to court. You just don't have that right. You can't do that. So that's what they did pretty much throughout the whole run. The Ottomans did it too. And it was called the Giza attacks, which was basically like the mafia attack. I mean, if you think about it, honestly, it's like a mafia attack. It's like, you pay us, we'll protect you to a certain extent. But you cannot bring a charge against the made guy. Yeah. The Muslims were made. And everybody else was not made. And you got to get a store.

You wanted to open a little fucking Irish bar in my name. neighborhood. Here's the deal. You pay me protection money. But if one of my guys wants to come in there and get free drinks, you're going to give him free drinks? It's basically the mafia. Now, how quickly do you think Trumpy Bear hears this episode and starts making people paying American tax? Yeah, well. Start just making it if you're here illegally, that's fine. Yeah. We're not going to deport you anymore. We're getting rid of ice. Yeah. But you got to pay tax. Yeah. And you can't bring a charge against one of the boys. Yeah. So Saladin did that. Nick is upset. Yeah. Saladin did that too. He basically was like, hey, chill, I'll let the Christians

be Christians, just keep paying the tech. Because remember, it was funding their empire. Yeah. So they were basically taking money from all these religions for whatever occupation they had. They had to pay more. And it was like funding their empire to go out and conquest more. And look at that map, because they did good. They really did good. Rome gets

a lot of it. Look at that fucking map. The Muslims did very well. Look at that Muslim all the way to Portugal. They did very well. Yeah. And what is this? This is just Arab expansions. Yeah. Go to Ottoman. The Ottoman's got more, because. But see, that's what I'm saying. the Arab world, it's one of those things where at some point, I understand that the Arabs were able to just keep taking land and land and land. You got to give credit where credits do,

but these idea of the Crusades being this bloodthirst, because even in the movie, the Kingdom of Heaven, they depict the Catholics, the Christians as these bloodthirsty ghouls, but that's actually not the history. The history is they were just going to get the land that they believed that was rightfully theirs just back. So it's very interesting. And what I like about Saladin, because I fact-checked some stuff is there's a scene in the movie because he was a real dude because Saladin also in real

you know in reality was definitely kind but he was kind for the time so he was still brutal and he would still kill people and all that but the a guy Raymond

Day something French Raymond Day something French basically was somebody on the Catholic side who wanted to make war so he did he I think I believe he raped or killed Saladine's wife

or niece like he did he got somebody from Saladine's family and killed her, did something horrific to her on purpose, right? And so then he gets captured, Raymond Saladin, this guy, Raymond, whatever, French guy, he gets captured. And in reality, they showed it in the movie, but in reality, it's true, Saladin didn't have one of his guards behead him. He beheaded him himself. So I, so I kind of respect that. It's like, you know, you never see the president anymore, not our any president ever, like, shoot the gun anymore. Yeah. But that's kind of badass when they used to actually be like, I'll cut your head.

off myself. So basically the first two crusades kind of, you know, the Christians came out on top, started out strong. The fourth one we lost. Yeah, we started losing big. Yeah. The third one too was kind of like a standstill, but can you go back to that? The third one is all about Richard the Lionheart. Yeah. So the third one was spurt on because Sultan Saladin, who was a Kurdish-born Sultan. We say Kurdish, you mean like Afghanistan, Iran. That's Kurdish, right? The Kurds are a bunch of people that are like in Turkey they're in that area right they're mostly Christian now I think there's a lot of Christian they're right they're mostly Christian the and though that's the Kurds K-U-R-D because the Kurds C-U-R-D live in Wisconsin those live in Wisconsin those are the cheese

Kurtz yeah those are these are the K-U-R-D Kurds yeah and um the Kurds uh the turks have been naughty naughty to the Kurds so the Kurds have been really bad um but actually uh they're Muslim too um I thought they were a Christian but they're Muslim maybe just real quick before we get into this because I know that you know this I know that you know this some of them are Christians yeah I know that I know that you I know that you know this well okay it would be right back after this break because you know me and you know one thing that I love almost as much as I love this country a hard cock I love it because now blue chew you chew them you chew them they are chewable tablets do not stick them in your ass I try to it does not work okay

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Baby, I know that you know this well, and I know that you know this well because I've perused the Patreon comments and I've seen you've corrected people. So what is the difference between the sunnies and the other? The Sunnis? The sunny... The sunny... The Sunnis and the Shits? The Sunnis...

Yeah, the Sunny D's and the Sharia laws. What is the difference between these types of Muslims? Because I understand that there's a significant difference and I forgive my ignorance, but I know that this plays significantly into the Crusades and all the fighting. So can you just explain to me? Okay, I got a good question to you. Are you asking what's the difference to me or are you saying... Or are you saying what's the difference to them?

I'm saying it's a very important distinction. Because if you're asking me, if there's a difference from me, my perspective, is that what you're asking? Because from my perspective, there's no difference. Right. It's just one big sandstorm. Just like they would say there's between the whites. It doesn't matter if you're either just a white skull. You're splitting hairs to me.

Got it. You know, you're getting a cab and this guy goes on Pakistani. I'm not Indian. Whoa, whoa, don't say that. I say, because you're in New York right now, you're all Puerto Rican. Yeah, it's just what it is. You know what you're talking about. It's all your ego.

It's all you're hiding behind on the ego mask. Nobody cares. Yeah, people cast. Nobody cares at all. Caves you. I've had your mask. Be friendly with the present. It's your ego that's making you think that you matter more than you do.

Myself, included. Just shut up. Are you a Sunny D or a Sharia? That's all I'm asking. But to them... I want to know your history. But to them, it's just very simply who they believed should continue the tradition of kind of rule or holy rule after Muhammad died. So one side believes it should have been his relatives.

I think it was in the form of his uncle or cousin. Okay. And the other ones thought it should be like the Shia. I think it should be like the Amm's, the holy people, some people that aren't necessarily related. Got it. So one is basically divine right of kings. And the other one is basically meritocracy. And you don't know which one is which?

I'm pretty sure the Shia are the ones who are like, let's do meritocracy all the way around. So Sunnis are like it can be anybody and the Shi'i should be related to it. So the Shia, I believe it should be related. to... Jesse, you know this too. He's got to study the enemy. How do you know that? Because you've got to know the enemy good. Just now?

Yeah. I looked it up, yeah. Yeah, you just know. Yeah, Jesse knows. Yeah, so the Sunni believe in the succession after Muhammad, they're going, hey, let his family rule. And the one, uh, they designated his cousin and son-in-law, Ali bin-A-B-Talib. And that's just one guy. I know there's five names there, but it's one guy.

So if you think, it's almost like the pronoun that you're going, call me they-them. Call this guy, they-them. Got it. Because he's got a lot of names. But the Sunnis and the Shias live on the same land and hate each other and have civil wars amongst each other. All the time. They do not coexist. All the time.

That's the problem, too, with the Middle East is you've designated these lands, but they're all people that think and act very differently and don't like each other. They actually kill each other more than anyone else kills each other. So in other words, when you go, who's the biggest perpetrator of terrorism? The factual response is Muslims. But against other Muslims. Exactly. And who was the biggest victim of terrorists? It's Muslims.

Right. They're just constantly doing it. Got it. They're constantly caught in civil strife. And in Iraq, that was a big thing. Like, Saddam kept that at bay, right? Right. Like, a lot of times strong men keep that at bay.

They just don't let it happen. Got it. They have bad methods on how to do that. Okay. It's like, pick your poison over that. So the home country, the capital of Islam is Mecca, which is in Saudi Arabia, and the majority religion there. Yeah.

And the only guy corrected on the Patreon, he's, told me I would he said I would think Yanni would know that the Saudi Arabia had Wahhabi Islam and not Sunni right but that's what we're dealing with out there they're just as Franks as being Tsar Wahhabi is Sunni Islam so you were wrong and I

was right and that's those nanny nanny fucking boo-boo that's what it is and then I saw that you commented to him and then all he wanted was a response for you and got really happy and I was going to say I'm neither a Sunni Islam and I saw you respond to a few comments but then what happens because I let I let the ego mask take hold

And then I said, take off the mask. This is your ego. And then I said, you know what? And then when I wrote a comment, I said, I'm neither one of those. I'm actually a wasabi muzzle. So that's what is. I like a little spicy. Take off your mask for me real quick.

Just pull it off. Take it off. Yeah. You're a lady. Yeah, you're a lady. Yeah. You want me to my, I'm a lady too. Yeah, take it off.

Yeah. And what did I tell you when I saw you crush in the street? I said, your shoulders look good today, babe. You said, she looks good today. And you said, take the mask off. even if you're even if you got to love who you are even if you're fat yes that's what i said call me fat i did say i said you got to love so i am wearing the two 17 because i'm two 17 you're 217 but it's just a mask because inside that ego is skinny beautiful and free

yeah and you have to just accept that for who it is a lot of people are forgetting a lot of people are forgetting and this chinese i forgot they have a word for it it's you know some chinese word but really means is i don't know we can ask john cina what it is yeah ask john cina what it is but it's something about like when you see nature and nature has no purpose, meaning it just is. The mountain is just there. The tree is just there. Us as people, we should be that.

We're just, there's no purpose here. We're just trying to just dance, baby. That's all in which you, life is a dance. Get out there, put your best dancing shoes on, stretch out, and just go dance. Like my dad said, I tap dance for general clock. That's what it is because people get them, take themselves. You know what it is, I think, you just always got to be silly, especially us who proclaim ourselves as comedians. Just be silly.

when people get so serious about everything, you're losing the fun. Like I was telling you before, I yelled up my daughter today because I got too serious when the truth is like, just have fun, just be a silly, billy, willy-milly.

That's all? You know what also you should do too? That's a great beamcast and I'm going to add a beamcast as well. Don't forget about all the Chinese money that Americans take, right? What about that? How come nobody's saying,

why are we cherry picking outrage? What about LeBron James and the NBA taking all that money? What about the comedians that perform in China? What about what they're doing to the Ugar Muslims? That's a genocide. Why are we not yelling about that?

That's not okay. How about all the people on late night that are taking money from Exxon and all these corporations? How about Gap? Gap's an official sponsor of Jimmy Kimmel's show. Gap employs slave labor, okay? He needs to say, watch what he says based on that. Do you not think that there's a list of things you cannot say when you're on late night television? Because let me tell you, free speech doesn't exist when you're on late night television.

How about when you perform at a college? They give you a long list of things you cannot say. So let's not cherry pick outrage so much. Yes, one is cutting hands. hands off. Yes, one puts you in jail for tweets. Yes, the other ones don't. But the Chinese do. What about the Chinese? Are we outraged about that? David Cross, DM me. We got to get something going about the Chinese. It's what it is. There's a lot of people take the Chinese money. It's what it is, baby. LeBron James, John Cena could tell you all about that. Yeah.

In Mandarin. I'm sorry. It's what it is. I apologize. I'm so sorry. Weish on Chi. China, I apologize that I said, I was opposed. I'm sorry, I apply that there are two countries. I'm sorry. One China, one country. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. What are you doing? Uga Muslims? You killing them? Oh, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. My John Cena. My name is Jansina.

I bowed on to you. We're leaving it in. Fine. I mean, you know what I'm saying? I get it. I'll put that in your beamcast as well. Put that in the beamcast. You know, and it's just one of those things where, look, getting back to the Crusades is I get both sides.

I get the argument on both sides. And I will say, though, that little by little back then it was all about war. It was all about, you know, actual battles. Right now, right now, it seems like kind of people are starting to get revved up for crusades again on the Christian and Muslim side. They're both saying, you know, if you notice a lot. So do we need the Jews or no for that? Well, yes, the thing is, I'm asking you. Oh, you're asking me?

Well, if we, if the war happens again, I mean, we are, are we Christian? What's the deal with us? What are we on? What, we're a Christian? I was brought up Christian, but I'm open to the amenities of Islam. I'm Christian, but I thought that, I thought that both sides, Christians and Muslims already decided that the Jews will be used as human shields. Lad of 14. Just keep.

That was just, stop. Wei Song She ain't. I just sometimes like to have a joke. I just like sometimes I like to have a joke So you say that's sort of like The International Law of Warfare That both sides have agreed upon

Yeah That's just what I thought They said you know That it seems like that's coming into play Yeah And the Hindus would probably side with us Because the Indians hate the Pakistanis We're just trying to get this all revved up

Right no Where are the South Americans gonna stand Yeah where the South Americans You're mostly Christians South Americans are Christians We got them They're scrappy Scrappy

No I think the Jews I think I think I think I think it depends. I think the... What side of the aliens who live in the ocean? I think Jews will be split in half. I think some Jews will come

with the Christian. Because they always play both sides. Right. Way song she ain't. They're smart. They're very smart. So I think I think the some Jews will come with us

and then other Jews will I think other Jews will go with Islam. It depends. Are you a Zionist? What do you believe in? Are you asking me? Well, I'm just saying like the type of Jews, like do you believe that,

if you believe that Israel Zionist and blah blah blah you're going to go with the Muslims and if you just don't believe any of that you're going to come with the Christians can I ask you a question ask me anything I know there's a lot of problems in the world today I know a lot of people have a lot of problems but yeah if if you're not Muslim or you're not Jewish right isn't this a good time to be that yeah doesn't it just feel nice to just not have anything to do with that you don't have anything like you're just a Buddhist yeah there's my beam cast for the day take a deep breath in and go thank God I'm not involved I'm not involved.

Yeah, I just am not involved. Yeah. Leave me out of it. Yeah. I don't know. I don't have a skin in the game. No. Not a Jew, not a Muslim.

You guys have at it. Yeah. Have at it. Have some butt. Have at it. Do what you got to do. Just do what you do best. Yeah.

And that is fight each other. That's all. Yeah. You decided to go over there. You could have went to Greenland. Right. They could have went to Greenland. Right.

If you guys didn't complain so much about the cold. Right. You could have went to Greenland. You had Greenland was there. This whole thing. I mean, but unfortunately, that's the Holy Land. I get it. King Solomon, King David. Right.

You know, even back then, it just shows you people always fought because did you know there was two tribes that hated each other? King David, King Solomon. Amongst the Jews. Within the Jews. Yeah. It was almost like there were two lawyers represented clients that were on the other side of the fucking law case.

Because you can't win. And they were like, my client's this. And they were like, no, my client says that we're going to go after this. No, King Solomon. You owe me for that. And they did, no, David, let's meet. Okay. We went to the same yeshiva.

let's not let this get messy. We both went to the same Yeshiva. I couldn't even... One of the best things I ever saw was Yashiva University women play against my old college when I was in college and the girls actually, the Ysiba women actually beat our women. But it was funny because all the Yisheba women

played in long skirts so they couldn't dribble the ball between their legs. And that was just, I always thought that was interesting what great dribbling skills they had because they couldn't do a couple of, you know, really important basketball moves. And they were much easier to defend, but they could shoot the ball while.

Here's my beamcast for the day. Tell me the beam cast. And I think this is back to the crusade. Yeah, this is what I think we really believe here at this show. And this is what I really think our fans love about our show and what we love about our fans. And this is what I personally am trying to spread into the world. Nature is busy creating absolutely unique individuals, whereas culture has invented a single mold to which we all must conform. It is grotesque.

Yeah. And that is by Michael Pollan. And I love that quote. I like it. because we're all snowflakes and I want people out there to be themselves. Yeah. Culture can sometimes be a crutch. It can be, it can really be like a shackle, you know?

And we're lucky enough that we're free. Free, baby. To be ourselves. Because are you a Catholic or are you Christos Stefano? I'm Christo Stefano the Catholic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I, you're Christa Steffano first. I'm Christa Steffano first.

Because your lifestyle definitely says you're Christa Steffano. first. I'm Christa Stefano first. Okay. I'm Chris Stephano first and I'm also known in some circles as Chrissy the Catholic. But I also think even culture, when we talk about culture, you know, I agree with you 100% big because chances are, I can't say for everyone, but chances are whatever your culture is, whatever your culture is today in 2025 was probably raped in or just beaten in to your great, great grandmother and grandfathers. by whatever conquerors, conquered them, whatever land you're from, and then you're believing that this culture is your own. Unless you're Greek and you resisted the Muslims completely. Well, that's what I'm saying. There's a high, I'm not saying everyone, but majority, whatever your hairstyle is, whatever food you eat, whatever you're willing to die for was probably the culture of your great, great grandmother and grandfather's enemies. Right. But so many millennia and hundreds of years have went by that you don't even know that anymore and it's all been lost. Because I get it.

None of us have the time to do the research and find out what's true. It's true. So this is why culture to me, culture appropriation. doesn't make any sense and it's just something else to cause tension and to cause fighting and to make people's ego get stronger so they could say I'm right and you're wrong it's all BS go life is a dance it's supposed to be lived go dance baby just go dance yeah that's all I want to see hunt is out there dance it and don't take your culture so seriously because in a couple years it'll you'll have to switch to Chinese anyway that's what it is so it's always changing and just know when someone's hating on you or someone's angry it's just

noise and it's your choice to filter that noise in or not. People could say whatever they want to you, okay? How are you going to take it in? It's all about how you react. Yeah. It's all about, it's all about your actions, not their actions. Okay, baby, gorgeous. Don't forget that on it. Right. Life's a dance. I want you to go dance. Be free. It's up to you. Either you're going to write an apology leisure or you're not. That's what it is. We could cut that part to do. You know what? I'm dancing. Okay. You know who I'm dancing from now on? Gloria Estefan. You're Gloria Estefan. I'm dancing. I'm doing the Congo. And you be a girl. I bull. What's her name?

The figure skater that you used to jerk off. Oskana Bayou. She fell off and she's 49 years old and she just lost a house in Louisiana. If you're listening to the podcast,

Oskana, just know I got an extra room. Yeah. Maybe we should do a Kickstarter because it's sad that she lost all that money. She was a great Ukrainian figure skater. Do you think I was a gay kid

when I know I can list off? I used to watch figure skating with my aunt. I used to look forward to it. Oskana Bayuil. Katerina Vitt. Christi Yamaguchi, Brian Botano, Scott Hamilton.

Yeah. I remember you told me. I used to really love it. When Tanya Harding, when she hit the kneecaps of Nancy Kerrigan, you cried. I cried. I was upset. You were upset about that. I was really, really, really upset.

And then the only way I could calm down is the only movie that would calm me down is my aunt would put on this movie called Little Women. And I'll watch that. We'll be right back. No, I don't think you're a gay kid. I think you're a straight kid that's so straight that you come around. You know, like the game, Pac-Man, when you go to one side and then you come out the other. You know that game? You go like that.

Yeah. So you're so straight, you come around to gay. Now, just like Richard the Lionheart, just like Alexander the Great, just like a lot of sultans. Right. You're just curious about men. Well, tell us about, I am curious about men. And that's why I'm curious about this episode, curious about men.

Well, that's why I'm curious about Richard the Lionheart. He was the leader of the Third Crusade, which was kind of a draw with the muzzies, with our cussie muzzies. So tell me about Richard the Lionheart. What did you learn about him? Why do you think he's bisexual? Is he available? He only has one kid that they know about.

and the mother was unknown, sort of some illegitimate. Some people say it might have even been a Muslim. No, was he the king. He was King Richard, the first. The Lionheart. The Lionheart. His father was Henry II, him and his boy, Philip, who was very jealous of him. He was raised in France.

He only spoke French, because remember, this was before English was the lingua Franquois. Right. So he spoke French, and he was the king of France. Richard, the Lionheart, was the king of France? Yeah, am I wrong about that? No, England, sorry, England, but he was French. Because the leaders were— Philip was the King of Augustus was the King of France, and then the Holy Roman Empire, essentially the Pope, was Frederick the first Barbarossa, a.k. Ralph Barbarossa.

And so those two guys were brought up together, and they— But look at this crusade. Frederick Barbosa drowned on the way to the crusade, and then Philip withdrew. So you are correct. Richard was just the main crusader. leader. He was the guy. And that's why he became so popular. He got a name Richard Leonard because he was very ruthless in battle. He was supposedly, you know, a very strong dude who was in the front. I mean, he ended up dying. I think he took an arrow to the heart. He would just die of infection. He died of battle. Yeah, he died in battle. He died of gang or some

shit. But he died in battle. He took a lot of bodies. He did say, you know, he played golf with skulls. Richard the line guy. He's also a character. Richard the Linear is also a character in Kevin Costner's Robinhood. That's also around around this time. Well, yeah, because they said that he was kind of like that, right? Like trying to help the poor or whatever like that. Yeah, Richard the Lionheart, so, but he and he appears, the character,

Richard the Lionheart, if you want to, after this episode, if you go, if this episode made you pewing, go watch the movie, Kingdom of Heaven. From 2005, Ridley Scott's Kingdom of Heaven, it's a fascinating movie, and at the end of the movie, you see a character come up to Orlando Bloom's character and basically say, we're going on another crusade to get Jerusalem

back, which they had lost at the end of the movie. and that character is supposed to be Richard the Lionheart. Yeah. Because this is what, that's what prompted the Third Crusade, Richard the Lionheart's Crusade, which Johnny's talking about, was that fall of Jerusalem in 1187 to Saladin. Saladin took Jerusalem and there's a scene at the end of the movie, which I was like, oh, that's also good writing. But then I said, scholars said they really said this, is Orlando Bloom's character,

forgetting his name, something of Iberlin, but he really negotiated the surrender. That's true. He really did negotiate the surrender. and he said to Saladin, what is Jerusalem worth you? And he said nothing. And then he took a moment. He said everything. And that's real.

Supposed he actually said that. It's worth nothing and everything at the same time, which is such as life. Such as life. It's everything and nothing at the same time. So what do you got to go do? Dance. You got to dance, baby. So yeah, Saladin, the first two crusades, we had control of Jerusalem.

When I say we, I mean the Christians. I wasn't there. He wasn't there. But, and then the sultan of, what was he, Egypt and Syria. Yes. He expands. he takes it back and that triggers the third crusade and Richard the Lionheart and Philip

and Frederick are like yo we got to get a rag-tag bunch of Christians we got to go back we got to take it back because you understand Christendom is all you got to understand these crusades are interesting because a lot of other wars are about countries this is this is Christendom Christendom versus Muslim so all different

countries all different ways of life coming together under one religious flag Yeah yeah pretty interesting It's basically and that's what Saladin was able to do he was able to unify the Sunni and Shia against, because they had a common enemy, the Christians. And the Christians were able to unify all their sex, whatever, because they had a common enemy, the Muslim.

So it was just like, you need a common enemy to uniform. Well, that's what I'm saying, too. And if they, it feels like, again, me and Yanni, not involved, but just from looking on the internet and around, it feels like there's crusades are in people's minds again, because now you're starting to see big, big time people. Everyone's going back to church, right? Everyone's going hardcore Catholic again or hardcore Christian.

going back to church because you're starting to see all these videos that are saying Islam is about that life. Islam people go hard to the mosque. They go hard. They are about that life the religion and Christians have become kind of more apathetic. They don't really care. And that and a lot of Christian people are saying that is the way that you lose Christianity is by doing nothing at all. You have to make a commitment and go back to church. And that's why I've been going my family. Yeah. I was going to get this tattoo removed, but now I'm not. I'm adding to it. Yeah, so at the time Are you in or are you out?

Are you in or out is the question? So they had a couple of battles So like we just said Richard was the only one who kept marching forward So and they defeated Saladin's army near Haifa Which is in Israel now Right? Securing the control of the coast

And then that battle The Battle of Arsouf in 1191 is what really made Richard famous and people considered him a brilliant military tactician and he kept Martian from there to Jerusalem but he could never take the city and...

Jerusalem's a hard city to take even today because it's walled off, because... Yeah, it's walled off. Yeah. Even in that battle in the kingdom of heaven they could not breach those freaking walls and then finally they do and then you get in. Yeah.

So he decided it was strategically impossible to hold it long term so he made some incursions into it and then Richard and Saladin, and they respected each other very much, Richard and Saladin. Yeah, everybody respected Saladin. Yeah, they agreed to a truce, so the Muslims retained control of Jerusalem. Christian pilgrims were guaranteed safe passage to the Holy Land so they could go there and they could pray or whatever. And that's even right now today, that's what I think Christians, Christians are, and who knows what's actually going to happen, but Christians are very worried about what happens to the Holy Land and who, because they know if Israel,

keeps it and you know the Jewish people have it they're going to they're going to keep the religious sites up they'll let you come visit but the fear is and it might just be a fear that if you give it to Muslims they're going to destroy all the holy sites and not let any Christians in it's crazy that's just what the fear is it's crazy

to think that this piece of property I mean Constantinople is also involved but this piece of property has caused so much war it's crazy and it's just because it's where Jesus was born. Do you think it's Do you think if somebody just dropped a nuke, evacuated everybody and just dropped a nuke on the whole thing, it would be bad for a little while, but then get better?

I think if you think about it like this, you go like, hey, all right, I got two kids fighting, right? If you're God and you're going, I got two kids fighting, whatever, if you're the god of all gods or whatever, and you go, if I just, you know when two kids are fighting over a toy and they won't stop fighting, and then you take the toy and you just destroy it? Yeah. And you go, okay, now neither one of you can use it. Right. That would be great. Right. If we just nuked it.

Yeah. Yeah, if we just nuked it, it would be over. Right. And be like, there is no Holy Land anymore. My daughters were fighting over that the other day. They were fighting over this glue stick, this like stupid glue stick. It's mine at yours. I said, it's nobody's when I shoved it right up my ass.

No looob. And I said, I'm the man here. And I went like that and I popped it in. And that's it. I said, nobody's getting that. And here's the deal. You got a really big ass so maybe you could fit Jerusalem in it. Yeah, that's what it is.

If we could just take Jerusalem and stuff it in your ass, this thing will be over. I'm open wide, baby. And I'm open wide for Jesus. Yeah. So the Crusaders kept control, the coastal strip of Haifa and Accra. And then when Richard came back, which is wild, he was captured on his way back. People were so jealous him because he was like such a hero. He was like famous back then because of this conquest.

But then he was captured by Duke Leopold of Austria because he had insulted him during the crusade. And he was later handed to the Holy Roman Empire who demanded a massive ransom to get Richard the Lionheart back and then they ended up bleeding fucking England dry to pay this ransom it was so expensive yeah and weren't they the same side in pretty much yes they were but he got offended it just shows you that everyone in fights and it's everyone's there's no winners and losers that's the thing in war pretty much everybody loses yeah and then he he was they paid the ransom he returned to England but then he went to fight in France and he died from a crossbow wound in some castle yeah that see that's awful that's like that's like when you sign the big time player

to max contract then they blow their knees out. It's like, well, now I just lost all the money. By the way, speaking to that, and we're going to talk about this on the Patreon, Mark Sanchez is on Coke. Mark Sanchez is on Coke, and he beat the shit out of somebody, and he's on Coke big, and I have a source that did Coke with him. He's also

got stabbed a bunch by that guy. Yeah, because he was on Coke and body slammed him and beat the shit out of him. Yeah, yeah. He got a rat. Mark Sanchez is in jail right now. I know. I know. What a fault for me. My friend is on Coke big. He used to do blow with them. Oh, boy. I'm going to call my friend on the Patreon. Yeah, let's do it.

Betron.com slash history hyenas. Yeah, so that's basically what happened. And Richard and Saladin, that's what basically the Third Crusade was about was these two giant figures. They had a lot of mutual respect for each other, although they were adversaries. They kind of, you know, game, respect for each other. Richard and Saladin, mutual respect, both doing what they felt was right for their respective countries. And at the end of the day, both good guys just trying to do what's right, very much like Trump and Putin. Yeah.

But in Islamic history, they look at Richard and the Lionheart a little different. They look at him as a slaughterer. They look at him as a dirty dude. Now, here's the deal. Well, Islam, in conclusion. I could say some nasty stuff about your leaders, too. Yeah. If we're going to throw names.

But I don't want to say that because I don't want to get shot in streets like what happens in France. Yeah. Here's the situation. The Muslims definitely won the Crusades because they kept control of Constantinople, renamed it Istanbul, and they kept control ultimately of... I mean, Turkey is still Muslim, to the day. All of it, they won. But here's what happened.

Europe was in the dark ages during this time. That's what I'm saying. Islam was translating to Greeks. It always comes back to who's got the Greek. Islam was in their scientific awakening. Yeah, they translated all the Greek works. They were creating algebra. They were creating chemistry.

It's all their stuff. But what happened was because of the Crusades, we went in and took some of that stuff, brought it back to Europe. Then the plague hit. right and 40 million people die in Europe and people start to lose a little faith in the church going like why would God do this to us you priests are telling us he's doing it because he punishes us because we're sinners but guess what my third kid died when he was one he's not a sinner so they start losing faith in the church

a little bit because of the plague and that allows a couple of cracks to open up for reason and enlightenment to flood in and then the Europeans the Christian Europeans get enlightened yeah and then we fucking lap because we just fucking lap them and that's what started the modern era where we have the advantage unfortunately

and then we win World War I we win World War I because remember the Ottomans fought on the side of the Germans World War I and then that was the end of them there was end of them and listen honey bunny bunny baby gorgeous the crusades were probably the most important wars

of all of Western culture because without the crusades without you know crusaders going and trying to back the land and fighting these wars you would have no renaissance you would have no poetry you would have no enlightenment age and other stuff would have happened because it would have been under Muslim rule right and and obviously Muslims have their own way of doing things and they're very have you know great achievements in history but they would have subjugated the people who were born like there would be no da Vinci he would be under Muslim rule he wouldn't be allowed to do the

paintings yeah basically they won the battles but we won the war um because yeah they started going down and we started going up from that point on. And the plague had a lot to do with that as well. Right. So that's what it is, baby, and that you, listen, tell us what we got right. Tell us all the things we got wrong. And just know that the Crusades, like anything else in life, is messy like any other current hot bun issue. Everybody wants things to be black and white in life, and the truth is, everything's gray. Or should I say, everybody wants things to be black and white, and the truth is everything's Chinese. Everything's beige. Everything's beige. So unfortunately there are no winners there are no losers all you got to do honey life is meant to be lived

go enjoy it go dance there's really almost never there's really almost never any reason for you to be angry yeah it just really isn't because you're going to die anyway so you might as well just be happy and let things flow like bruce lee be like water just flow with the baby does you know what is a wave doing it's just crashing against a rock a tree's just being a tree just be baby have no purpose you know that's okay you know what we really need we need a need a new religion. Right. We need a new religion. When you look back in history, it's like the pagans, they represented all, they had all these gods. Then monotheism comes in and goes, oh, you just got to worship one. And that united a lot of people. Right. Right. And so

united Christians, united Muslims. We need another one that unites all of them. And of course, the Jews won't convert. But everyone else. So then it's just like one world and Jews. And then we just deal with the tribe of Jews. They complain and they write reviews. This is where the false flag of aliens is going to come in and save us is we're all just getting united against the aliens and we'll just be one crusade against the aliens. Yeah, we need one more. I think we're one religion away from uniting the world, but that's the only way we're going to do it. It's just what it is. We've got a fun Patreon for you. We're going to talk about Mark Sanchez being on Coke and then also a unruly passenger on a flight recently. That war had on 13 and 95 masks and say that gays were

giving him cancer. Okay. As always, we always read off the names of the patron. Which must have been on a Joe Rogan episode. Yeah. So we must, so we have the newest members of the matriarchy. As always, the best name wins a prize at history. Hyenas is back.com. You see you name up in lights.

Okay. Leading off my ideologies, welcome to the matriarchy, Matthew Aldridge. Then we got, I almost got nicked by the small teeth, big gums gene. Lucky for me, grandma was a whore. Drexler. Drexler. Right out of the gate. Barrel Tintman, Ligma, Shane, Kalamari Cochering.

Okay. very good on the list interesting colomari cockering is hilarious chicken finger kid takes a fucking piece of calamari and uses as a cock right

and you don't think he's getting on the list colomari and I've said it before on the show but just a reminder a lot of colomari's imitation colomari it's actually pig anus just deep front that's a rumor I don't think there's any truth to that well talk to chat GPT

then we got Chrissy nighttime snuggle and bedtime story my struggle okay Scott Shamsky who's that I don't know Scott Shiamski Chew my Shrew Greg Butner Malacca Obama

Hummish Whoa whoa whoa Malac Obama's a goodie Oh yeah That's a chicken finger What is Malacca What's her name No Malacca's a Greek curse

Oh Malac Obama Means the great masturbator The champion masturbator Okay So he's getting a chicken finger for that Chicken finger Should have gone to child support But I love you guys more

That's what it is Dressler Triple A rated American Argentin Aryan. Okay. Emmanuel Moorah. Then we got ass blasting goopler.

Ass blasting's funny. That's a Drexler. QR. 24. Patrick Potato Monkey Wheatley. Corey Jones. Keith Ackerley. Tyler Holderby. My glue gun is an actual chicken finger.

Funny. Funny. Jacob Muser, Seth B. Mandy. Daniel Kunkle. Matt Bustillo. Ryan Ball. Did you come, babe?

Drexler for the lap All right Jake Sedgwick Sean Anderson Chrissy D minor league Frisbee MVP Uh Chingas Khan's

Wacky Vineyard Tours Gianni Funny Gianni Silvestri Hamas Pine has knocked the frisbees off the beam Okay It's pretty

Yeah It's a good one This Drexler Randy Josh Kilger Cracked open Mom Dani And his IED exploded

Drexler It's what it is Sydney Sweeney's Third Reich Zuch de Gooch If I owned a bar I'd serve San Nogronies Got you Got me

Got you good Really good But I mean they are the most creative ones Yeah They really It just show Let me just say this It shows you that

It does show you this Racism in real life is bad Right But racism in your mind It's good. Opens up creativity. Because we have a case study here because morally these are wrong

but they are, they get very creative with the wordplay. Yep, I agree. Sandy Nogronis is very funny. Very funny. So then we got Bumpkin Spice Latte. I'm sorry, Blumpkin Spice Latte, yummy.

Jason Rucasel, Thomas Williams, Jared Hymniew, Ben McNally, Oven Lovin Frizee Club. Gotcha. Hey, got it again, walked into one. I love how it takes you seconds. Yeah.

Shane Sutton. covered in Kanye's glue. Okay. Latter 14. Walked in a while. Security, you know, take them out of the store. Then we got stinky, winky, puts Chris's pinky in my stinky. Luke Minai.

G. Kristen Pistana. I have Leroy Orgy's in my basement. Make no mistake. It's the Underground Railroad, but the trains come late. Put them on the list. Okay. Put them on the list.

There it is. Get the catapult out. Okay. Yeah, it's just funny. That's probably, it's over. Everyone, go home. It's 14 to nothing in the sixth inning. So if you want to beat the traffic, go home.

But they almost, Yankees don't come back. Tommy, gust of wind, Chris Lloyd, $3 bill, leaky, $3 bill, leaky roofs, lifting through fumes with my glue gun, okay? Andrew McKenna, Jimmy Carr, sir, cum-sized? They put like, sir, S-I-R. Come-sized.

Nice, nice, I like it. D.C. Johnson, Aubrey, IP White and Lean Right. Drexler. Yeah. Frankie Lazanaro. Sydney, Sweeney's Bath Candles. Frutie Giuliani. Fruity Giuliani is a good chicken figure.

Yeah, I like that. Christian. O. Hayroy. Shirt and Pool, aka Mexican Ozempic. List. We've got another contender. Yeah. And it got big laugh from Nick and Jesse.

It's hilarious. Yeah. Yeah. It's just funny. list. Contender. Yeah. And then we got, Hey, Babe, take my five. I'm leaving anyways soon as my volcano comes around. Drexler? Okay. Okay. Hey, babe, wants out. Okay. John, Nate McKinney. Is it Burt and Tom or Lenny and George? Jake Lissett? It's a good one. It is a good one. Get that? Yeah. Of Mice and Ben? Yeah. Inside joke, but Drexler for it. Like it. Jack,

Jake Lisset, Jake Lapella, B314, Lux. Broke my nose playing Frisbee. Thank God for the good folks at frisbee frisbee frisbee Drexler really good Courtney loves trigger finger that's good that's really good put it on the list

okay yeah all right see you got to just keep listening Cobain maybe that's what they say BZ Connor Sisson K Marcus Raphael Drew Lane Sam Rogers Dylan Anthony Ocino Dylan Kubiak Jack and Jill took a pill from Father Bill

and Sam Maril Derek Whitworth Gage V Kaden Anderson, Trenton Ball Sarah Lebron Sara LeBronk

Sarah LeBlanc Okay a couple more Rietta or die trying But it said Rida or die trying It's a good one Drexler

Amanda Hildreth Travis Gorsaleski Glewed in a muz Now I'm shopping At Akash Bagash for children's clothes Called it Akash Bagash

Very funny Matt Smith Thought I needed a blue chew Then I saw her Butterfly tattoo Now we are both covered in glue It's what it is

Louis Felix Felix, Zero. Coffee Leroy, room for glue. Travis Costello. He's going to come in his coffee. Travis Costello, Brian Moore, Aaron Flynn, Marcus Hamilton, Ted Kazan skiing lessons,

Stephen KMack. I went to a shooting range in Valhalla with Vishnu, and now all my bullets are trans. Deport Cash Patel. I like to just call him Officer Duffy. Yeah. He really reminds me of Officer Duke. Yeah. Every time he says anything, I just hear,

I don't know why he's got the look. He's just a fucking, he's a mess, that kid. Grand Theft Gaza, Frisbee City Stories, Nick Glanta. Wait, say that one again? Grand Theft Gaza, Frisbee City stories. Very funny. Like that? Yeah.

Nick Glanta, right to the back. Cobra Mudcat, Cameron Colville, James Graham, Dr. Adolph Sponge, Milosevic, Abby Osborne, Arkell Glue Gun, Derek Baxter, manhandle my ham candle. Whoa. Manhandle my ham candle. Whoa.

Has anyone ever heard it referred to as a ham candle? No, it's a first for me. It's inventive. Whoa. Put them on the list. Ham candle, yeah. Whoa. Call in your piece of ham candle. Yeah.

Whoa. Chris cringled my sphincter. And then last but not least, if Lady Stephanie is, trans? I'm all in. I hear you, brother. Okay. All right. So now we got a list. So you thought there is no clear-cut winner yet because we have some... Well, but I don't know.

I'm still partial to one of them. Okay, but we still have interesting choices because we have some that I think this list is going to be determined on obviously funny, but also there's some inventive ones and there's some... Sometimes if you say something that somebody's never heard before, you have to just take this into major consideration.

Huge. Okay. So let's go. So we have... Colomari Cochring I love that You still in You guys love that Columar Cochering Still in

I'm keeping it around Columari Cochring All right Then we keep it in I mean the guy I mean you know he's Okay No carbon footprint

Not rubber Then we got Courtney loves trigger finger We're gonna we're gonna chicken finger that Okay It's a good one though Shirt and Pool A.K. Mexican O Zempic

Keeping that around Okay That's a contender Manhandle my ham candle We're keeping that around And then I have Leroy Orgy's in my basement. Make no mistake. It's the Underground Railroad, but the trains come late. I mean. Contender. Yeah. The first one again was we're going to have to directs to the first one.

Colmarie Cochring. Yeah. Shout out to you. Your chicken fingered. Your chicken fingered. But okay, manhandle my ham candle. Okay. That's, we got a three-way race. We got it. We got a, we got a gold, a silver, and a bronze here. So we got the Olympics. Welcome to the Olympics. So here we go. So we got manhandle my ham candle. Then we have shirt and pool. aka Mexican Ozempic And then we have I have Leroy Orges in my basement Make no mistake

It's the Underground Railroad But the trains come late I mean have we Look this is you know This is one you need a live audience No this is one This is what makes it so horrible Is I wish these guys were on different lists

Right So much of this is the timing I wish these guys were on different lists I want to put them both on But do you wish Clyde Drexler didn't play with Jordan He would have got This is what the thing is That's what makes it so difficult

Because one of these people Have to walk home empty hair Yeah, and I don't like that. It's just what the game of life. It is what the creators wanted. Yes. So this is going to be a vote. So we're going to have to be a vote.

So, all right. So manhandle my ham candle. Shirt and Pool, A.K. Mexican Ozampic. I have Leroy Orgyzzi in my basement. Make no mistake. It's the underground railroad, but the trains come late. So what do we got, Jesse? Dude, this is the worst one we've ever had.

This is the worst one. This is the worst one. All right. For bronze, I am going with the Leroy train. okay yeah I'm going bronze with the Leroy train Underground Railroad

his origin is my basement This is Jesse's the judge This is the judge I want to hear from Nick I don't fucking agree Let me finish Let the Jew judge put his card up Half a Jew

Yeah All right then I'm going Manhandle my ham candle Is the silver And the gold is Mexican OZempe Wow There you go Nick

Yeah I like Mexican OZembek also As number one I can see the t-shirt It's a mini mouse t-shirt Yes Now Now, Yon, unfortunately, I don't, because I know that you got trains come late as one.

I'm going underground railroad on this one. That's my vote. That's what I thought. For me, to me, that was a LeBron James. It came out early and it lived up to the hype. Right. But the Mexican-Ozepic got the biggest laugh in the room. It didn't.

The reason why I'm leaning towards, even though I do, even though I do actually think Leroy. So let's just say the hand candle. Ham Candle's out. So that's true. Thank you, Ham Candle. On another list, that's winning. That's in.

Ham candle, by the way, most inventive. We're probably going to call it from that now. I'm changing it from glue gun to my hand candle. Glue gun has been usurped. So even though ham candle, you're not going to win, I think you might actually be the best here because we're going to use your term. I'm going to say to my wife, it's time for you to put your mouth on my ham candle.

We're actually going to put ham candle. Sabrina the hyena, if you're listening, put hamc candle in the vocabulary. Put it on the lexicon on the history and is it's back.com. Now, I think strictly because I'm going, because I said in audience, I've never seen Nick and Jesse laugh simultaneously and you as when we heard shirt in the pool, aka Mexican-O-Zempic. Right. So that. Are you just desensitized to that because you see it every weekend at your house? That's what it is.

Yeah. For me, for me, for me, so do you. Yeah. For me, it's Mexican. What's in your heart, what's in my heart? What do you like? So what I like about Leroy here's, let me just explain. I like Leroy Orge is in my basement

Make no mistake It's the underground railroad But the trains come late It's such a good one It's such a good one But I think part of the skill In this, this is amazing Is getting it short and concise

You have 15 words Versus 5 Right? But with that one in particular How could he have shortened it To make it a funnier joke? I mean every word in there is necessary And then but the trains come late

Is to go There's no way to shorten that It's true way to shorten that baby yeah i don't know because we can't give we do this joker style in the movie where he breaks a pool stick and lets these two fight it to the death yeah should they just find whoever yeah yeah but if you're leaning their way then it then it's then it's not a tie and it's a slaughter we're having try out yeah it's really up to you well because i yeah because yeah because i am the signing vote here yeah this is like one of those decisions are you going to go or are you going to stay

it's a tough one it's yeah it's a tough one and at the end of the day sometimes you know You know, here's what I'll say. Sometimes, you know, somebody was asking me about this the other day. They said, you know, you go, like, what'd you go? You know, is it about the money? And it's like, yeah, of course, it's like having sex. It's like when a guy says, I love my wife for who she is. I actually believe that.

I do believe when guys say that. However, the only reason why you were ever drawn to your wife is because you wanted to bang her out because she was hot. Exactly. And then you fell over the personality. So for me, I went to Saudi Arabia for the money. Okay? because it was hot. But then when I got there,

that's why I felt no guilt on the way home because I said, I actually loved being there. And I love these people. Yeah. I love these people. So that's the analogy that I use,

and that is the truth. With that being said, with that being said in the spirit of sometimes, listen, heavy lies the crown, right? Yeah.

Sometimes you have to make these hard choices and you just have to, you're Chrissy the hyena head right now. Chrissy the Hyena head right now. Not Richard the Lionheart. Not Richard the Lionheart. I am like, I am Saladin

right now. And so with it, with it. Because you got converted out there. Because I got converted out there. Yes, I am fully Islam. And, and you can ask my family about it. And that's why I got into an argument with my daughter today because I said, hey, you have your face out. You only have the eyes.

So things are a little different in my household now. It does make pick and clothes to go to kindergarten a little easier. It just makes it a little, yeah, it's nice. It's nice. It's nice that we have badees everywhere. Yeah. It's nice that I'll tell you one thing about, I'll tell you one thing about Wahhabi Muslim in Saudi Arabia is you've never

had, those people have to clean this asses in the world. They do. There's badeas wherever you go. But with all that being said, and also, you know, again, never seeing Jesse and Nick laugh like this kind of, you know, the, it actually hits close to home because this could also be

Puerto Rico Zempic. This could be a lot. I've seen the shirts and the shorts in the pool a lot this summer. For me, I'm going to go with shirt in the pool, A.K. Mexican Ozempic as the winner, even though Leroy Orges in my basement. I will tell you this. Mexican-Ozempic, you are the winner. You're going to see your name up in lights at HistoryA&As is Back.com. You're the PPW, the pseudopinous of the week. However, Leroy Orgyz in my basement, if this makes any sense, actually might be the most inventive,

creative, funny name we've ever had in the history of the show. But yet on this list specifically, they don't win. It's just what it is. This is what makes the list so exciting and tough. I mean, sometimes you've got to put something like that. It's a true. It's almost a tragedy that the two were in the same list. Yes, it's what it is. So, but, you know, and Ham Candle, you know, you came in third, but your name is going to be in the vocabulary. Yeah. So, there are no losers here.

There are no losers because Leroy in my basement, Underground Railroad, if you have talent like that, you know, you'll come up with something else. Yeah. I know you will. It's like, it's almost like the Crusades, right? The Muslims won and kept control, but the Christians also got enlightened because of the cultural communication through their crusades. so they won. So both ended up winning. Everyone wins. When you dance, you put on your shoes, and you dance in this life, you win, right? Take your mask off and put your party shoes on. Put them on. And you know what I want to do? I'll make an executive decision here,

and you can tell me you don't want to do this and edit it out if you don't like it. But Leroy Underground Railroad, why don't you message us on Patreon? Give a Shredgeist. We'll send you a shirt. I like that. Is that okay? Yeah, I like that. But then the guys that want are going to want shirts, too. We should be sending them shirts anyway. Yeah, well, it's just we can't, we don't have the budget to hire someone to send out the shirts. I can have that taken care of. Can we just get a

box of shirts and start giving a shirt to the winner of this? Yeah, we really should, right? But then all the people who haven't gotten shirts to this point are going to be mad. Yeah, I know. So you can't make everyone happy. And that's why Mondami's reign is not going to work out. Yeah, you just can't make everyone happy at all, just, you know, that's, this is

the problem. Yeah. Middle East. So just so maybe that will happen. So maybe that'll happen. Just email us your address and maybe me and yonels would just show up and ring your bell yeah i don't know go to also yeah our merch is out go get our merch history hyenas is back dot com go get our merch we have it up there we also have it up at christie comedy dot com yannis poppice comedy dot com get the merch it is a new company when you order it it will be at your door very very quick a lot of stuff is almost sold out so go get the merch especially those coffee mugs those coffee leeway mugs those are a hot ticket i i i have one in

my house and i love it all right baby love you