History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - The Shroud of Turin : Jesus is real | History Hyenas

Episode Date: April 9, 2026

The Hyenas are diving headfirst into one of the most mysterious relics in human history—the Shroud of Turin. Is it the real burial cloth of Jesus Christ, a medieval hoax, or something science still can’t explain? Chris and Yanni break down the history, the tests, the controversies, and the wild theories surrounding the Shroud, all while doing what they do best—getting loud, getting weird, and keeping it hilarious. From carbon dating debates to conspiracy talk, this episode walks the line between faith, history, and pure chaos. Tune in for laughs, hot takes, and a deep dive that might just make you question everything. #HistoryHyenas #ShroudOfTurin #Mystery #AncientHistory #Conspiracy #Podcast #ComedyPodcast Support our sponsors: Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code HYENAS. https://bluechew.com Chubbies is here to keep you comfy and looking good year-round. Get 20% off with code hyenas at https://chubbiesshorts.com/hyenas! #chubbiespod To explore coverage, visit https://ASPCApetinsurance.com/HYENAS The ASPCA® is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance #comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://store.historyhyenaspod.com Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, guys, we got a great episode about the Shroud of Turin. We are back to history and we are back to going wild. Buckle up. This is a wild one. It's a wild one and I guarantee you you are going to convert to Christianity after you hear that. It's a wild one. But before you do, you can catch me on the road in Boston, April 17th and 18th.

West Nyack, the weekend after that. And Mayas, Pennsylvania after that. East Hampton on July 8th, New Brunswick, New Jersey, July 17th and 18th. Philadelphia, August 14th, and then Austin, Texas, August 21st, 2, 23rd. Get your tickets at Janus Pappas Comedy.com. Most importantly, you have to go to Patreon.com slash history hyenas to really catch up with the boys. We go wild on there. Bonus episodes every week.

You get our episodes a day early, uncensored, and ad-free. It's only the best way to do it. It's amazing. It's organic. And listen all the way through this episode, because the two Patreon names that come down to the wire, we couldn't even pick them. So the fans are going to pick them only at patreon.com says, history hyenas. What's up, everybody?

Welcome to another episode of History. Hihenas. I'm Chrissy D. That's Yanni P. Today we're going to be talking about the shroud of Turin because make absolutely no mistake. Jesus was real. And now we've even gotten Janus to accept Jesus into his life. And we're going to go back to history.

And we're going to talk about the shroud of Turin because Janus has told me that he now believed. I did not say anything like that, but it's hard to not. This is not another episode. It's one long episode. I don't want to live in the life of form anymore. I want to make up my own rooms. I want to live like it's a DMT trip. And there's no walls.

There's no separation between me and you. There's no difference between me and Nick. There's no difference between nests. We're all the same. We're made of the same stuff. I want to do DMT. You want to do DMT? Now, have you added a chain?

Yeah, these are two. Well, one of them broke and I got a new one from K's. Yeah. And that broke 10 times and then I went and got this one soldered back together. I overpaid for. You overpaid for it. It's what it is because and you shaved and you got a haircut. Yeah.

Does that make you fucking furious that I have no facial hair? Yeah, because the fact you have no facial up because I'm not going to allow you to shave when you're this fat. It just doesn't work, right? Because you got a fat face and girl arms. Yeah. If I'm not going to have a beard, I really got to tie. tighten up the jawline. It's either one or the other.

Either you start taking red of Truton and other GLP1 peptides to lose some weight or you grow out your beard. Okay? I want you to grow out your beard like you're living in Jesus' time. I'm going to, you know, I'm going to do the whole episode like this just so I can tuck in my cluck, cluck. Yeah. Yeah, because I got a clock clock clock. I'm going to get my face lifted like Joey Kamasa. I'm going to get everything.

I'm going to get a, I want to get a penis implant. Yes. I want to get hair tits even though I don't. I want fucking hair down to hair. Because your hair actually looks the best it's looked in a very long time. It looks great. I want to snort peasant. Peptides.

Yeah. Can you snort peptides? You can do whatever you want. They have nasal sprays. Yeah. Do nasal spray peptides? You could do subcutaneous, subcue, whatever you'd like to do. Have you gotten any results from your peptides?

No. Yeah, okay. Nothing yet. I'm just tired all the time. It's not working. Same thing when I take creatine. It's like I take it. I don't feel no different.

Well, but you have to, it's all peptides, creatine, all these things. You have to continuously do them. You have to do it for a while. How long have you been taking creatine for? I take it on and off whenever I can remember in gummy form. No, see, that's a problem. What you got to do is get five milligrams, throw it in your coffee or your smoothie in the morning. Because the gummies, the problem with the gummies is, is there's no way to know how much creatine is actually in that gummy you're eating because they just, they make it like gelatin.

So the powder, you got to know what you're doing. All I need truly is the spirit of Christ. He's in you, Congress. Yes. And a glass of water with lemon. And I'm fucking ready. I'm a rocket ship ready to take off. That's what.

Now, because if I want to hit the streets like a tilted bird. Like a tilted bird. When you couldn't wake up in the morning for school, with your mom just throw a little oregano on you? That's all she did. That's all it is. That's what you got to do to a Greek is put a little oregano. And then you start to go.

Isn't it for certain cultures really take to certain spices? Yes. Like paprika or whatever. Like the Indians really took to that. They like that. They like that. They really like that. The Greeks took to oregano big.

Oregano, big, big. And the Italians really took to garlic. Garlic. And then the Puerto Ricans took to adobo. They took to adobe huge. Oh, Sasson. And the Mexicans really took to, like, peppers, like jalapenos. Halapenos, they like.

Yeah. And Chinese, what are the Chinese like? They like... They like big. They're big into it, cuss. They're big into it, yes. Into it. And the Japanese...

No, they took big to soy. To soy. Yeah. They like soy and salt and soap. and they took back to MSG. Yes, and the Japanese like a little plutonium. They're like a... Way Songxian.

It's a little spice. Sorry. Yeah, it was a cultural exchange. We gave them a little plutonium. Yeah, that... They gave us the noodle, we gave a little plutonium. It wasn't nice. It calmed them down and got them acting different.

It wasn't nice that we did that, even though it was a long time ago. It wasn't nice thing, but it did get them liking us. It did get them liking us now. We did build them up like the Marines. We broke them down and built them back up. It's what you. it is. Now, Pam Bondi has been let go as the Attorney General of the United

States. It happened a few days ago. So that means she will be on this podcast next week. She will be making the rounds pretty soon. Pam Bondi. I don't know. She just got fired while we were recording. If you want to hear more about it, go to patreon.com slash history hyenas where we're going to talk about

Pam Bondi and how she can absolutely 100% get her boops lurched. She's a cutie. She's a cutie. I like it. Now, because you text to me the other day out of nowhere and you said do you want to do the shroud of Turin big yeah and I said wow you want to do the shroud of Turin why do you want to do the shroud of Turin what made you go pewing about Jesus it definitely I started reading about the shroud of Turin how I got to tingle big how did it give you the tingle like what happened it came across my feed okay

yeah I'm a kid who likes to spend a lot of my time just going down K-holes right and then I just start trying to read about stuff because I get interested So this is interesting. Oh, it actually came because recently, it was actually a post article. New York Post article. They put out a post where they have some new information on the shrouded Turin. Turin? Shrouted Turin.

Sorry. It's Turin, Italy. It's owned by the Vatican. It's behind like sealed glass, bulletproof glass, no air getting into it. I don't even think you can see it. Only the people the Vatican can see it. It's in like their vault. Yeah, it's like guarded bit.

Right. So you're going, what is the shrouded turrets? Well, the shroud of Turin is either a medieval forgery or the actual linen cloth that wrapped Jesus after he was... Crucified. He was executed. Yeah. Right. After he was crucified and before the resurrection.

The problem is with the shroud of Turin is some people think they say that it has to be medieval art. But the problem is the 3D imaging when you 3D image it and the photo negatives, allegedly according to the There's no way that an artist could have done this during the medieval times. That's what they say. Let's just start off by digging deep on what you believe about the shrouded terrain because I knew you, I know you read the case for Christ. And I know you grew up your whole life just being told he was real to the point where you started tattooing them all over your body. 100%. You have a big cross.

You have a Roman execution on your back. Yeah. And you know that. And you're all in. I'm all in because I am a soldier in the Army of God. and I am absolutely down to dig because you know me, I'm a digger. Way so much. You're an absolute, you act like a digger sometimes.

I'm a digger, because, and when it comes to Stratter Turin, I'm a big, humongous digger. Because you sent me a video when you were taking a walk in your neighborhood, and your neighborhood's a little dinged out. A little dinged up. Because I love my neighborhood. I do love my neighborhood, and it's nice down by the water. And then I sent Yanni a little video. We'll put it at patreon.com slash history hyenas.

because I made a left turn looking down by the water, and then I said, oh, did I step on a magical sewer cap? And am I in Tehran right now? I thought maybe I was in Tehran, and I started ducking for cover. There was a couple of ladies who were wrapped up. Yes, and we're going to see that much like the Shroud of Turin. I thought maybe they were wearing the Shrout of Turin on them, but then on further inspection, they weren't.

And fine, no problem, but we will talk about our Patreon.com says history hyenas. So, because what do you know about the Shrout of Turin and just what made you go absolutely wild and what made you believe? Was there one fact that stuck out that were like, okay, now I believe. Now I'm in. All right. So here's all the facts about the shroud of Turin. It pops up in France in about the 1300s, right?

Some descendant of a French, what you might call it? Like a crusader. Oh, okay. descendant, it shows up being owned by the descendant of a French crusader. Okay. Which is very interesting because there was another shroud supposedly in Constantinople. Okay. Where they used to, a church there used to display it all the time.

And then it disappeared. So you go, and is that the same shroud? Interesting. So has it been proven? They don't know. Okay. They don't know. They just know one disappeared and then one ended up in France.

But during the medieval times, there was a lot of. lot of churches saying they have some sort of artifact so they would attract believers and followers to come and you know it was a it was a nice market it was a nice fucking you know you got to know the algorithm you got to know the algorithm of the time it's like we got an artifact and then your seats were full seats were full it was the stand up fucking crowdwork clips of its day right and this was in like yonest to the 13th century um now uh it's somewhere somewhere along the line in the 14th or 15th century, it did fall in to Jewish hands temporarily, and it

was return. We did get it back, but there was a hole cut into it. Last point, Dave. So the shroud that we have right now, they have a cold cut into it, but that's neither here nor there. Yeah, if they get their hands on sheets, they like to put a hole in it. They like to put a hole in it.

They like to stick their dicks through hole. That's just what it is. I bet you if I went to Jesse's house, it's got a lot holes in those sheets. Yeah. Way song she ain't. So, it shows up in France, right? And and then we get to modern day. Well, wait, wait.

So it's in France. Also, this shroud, they really found it the first time they ever 3D image this thing. And actually so. It was found accidentally, I believe, in 1898 by a photographer, the negative. Because they have the crowd. So the Catholic Church has it, right? So the Catholic Church has had it for a long time. So the Catholic Church have it.

And then this dude in like the 1890s. something, photographs it for the first. Right. So, so, so, so keep, you know, think about that. They have this shroud that to the naked eye is just a shroud. It doesn't, it's just, well, you can see the image, but it's like it doesn't look, it just looks like, uh, it's a faint image of a man in body. Yeah, it's faint. You can't see only on the negative. Right. You know, what was modern day photography back then? Can you actually see? Not only do you see the face, you see the blood, you see, it's his whole body.

It kind of correlates with where he was hit with the whips, where he was stabbed, all these things pop up on the shroud on 3D imagery. Right. And so the guy looks at the negative and, you know, in negatives the light becomes dark, the dark becomes light. And when that happened, a full figure emerges. And the figure has, you know, has beat up. One of his cheeks is swollen from being his nose is broken. He's got blood around his head from where a crown would be. You know, it's two-sided, too.

So, like, on the bottom is the back of the guy because they rip it forward. And it's got all the scar marks from the Roman whips on it. Yeah. It's got the blood in the wrists and the heels. Now, here's the interesting thing. We're going to jump around a little bit here. Yeah, but that's what is with History Hyena. History of a hyenas. We're going to hop around like a little buddy foo-foo.

That's what it is. So, but I just want to say this one point. Then we can hop back. We can hop forward. But they found one crucifixion victim from the time of Jesus in Jerusalem. Okay. They found it on the ground, whatever, right? And it was a heel bone, right? And the nail went in the heel, right?

So the Romans actually did the executions with the nails in the heel. wrist? Yes. But all the medieval art and a lot of Christian iconography, you see the nails going in the hand. Right, which was rare. And the feet, not the heel. Right. Right. But the shroud of Turin has the nails in the heel matching historical accuracy of where the Romans would have put it, but medieval artists at the time would not have known. Right. So there you go. They were putting it in the hands and they were putting it in the feet. Even when you think about all the old Christian paintings, the nail always goes in the foot. Right.

Now, it didn't go in the hands because that tissue's too soft. It would rip it off. It would rip it off. It would rip it off, as they say, in Little Road. So that's like an interesting thing going like, how would this quote-unquote artist who created this forgery, how would he have known that that was, it doesn't go in the feet. It goes in the heel. One thing is undebatable if you believe in the Shrath of Turin and you see this image that we have up here of the negative image of the Shroud of Turin. One thing is undebatable after looking at this image.

There's no such thing as undebatable, but I like it. Yeah. The word is not debatable, but I like undebatable. One thing that is not debatable. No, it's undebatable. One thing that is not, one thing that is undebatable is when you look at that pictures, you know one thing that Jesus was a Jew. You could say that. Guy is a Jew.

I can see I mean that is Ari Shafir Right there That's a Jewish person That's a kid who definitely has a minivan With 10 kids and a wife with a wig on I mean that's that's Ari Shafir is a Jew

Yeah he's a Jewish kid I mean that's the face in the shroud right there Ari's face looks like the happy merchant meme And there's nothing you can do about it Ari's I mean if I put a shroud over Ari People would start to wail and say that's Jesus That's what happened So yeah

It's interesting. So they, you know, and then in the 90... Go back to it, Jess. So it has all these details. There's blood around the wounds, the swollen cheekbone, which you can tell in the negative. Because he got tuned up a little bit by the Roman soldiers. Which is interesting. There's a lot of details that come across.

Also, they do, they use technology. In the 80s, it was given the most access. And a team of scientists went to... to Turin, a whole bunch, like 30 or 40 different scientists with different specials, came to experiment on the shrouded Turin. And what they found was, and it was documented by this atheist Jewish dude. Right. Who documented and was there to document what all the scientists were doing.

He ended up becoming a believer. And he was still skeptical, but he's saying like, this is, I was, my intention was to go there and like, he was doing all types of gigs where he was, he became a really, you know, well-known photographer and he was documenting a bunch of stuff and he went there and he was like, I was going to do this gig and it would be cool to photograph a historical relic, you know, like a piece of art, a forgery that was a piece of art, but it's still a historical relic. And he left being like these things, these are not explained. Right. So what they found was it also has 3D, the imprinting the image is not, is made by something.

that was three-dimensional because the darker parts are farther away and the lighter parts are closer, which means that it was whatever created, it was a three-dimensional object. It wasn't painted on there one-dimensionally. You know what I'm saying? So, like, it was laid on something. Yeah, again, so a medieval artist could have never created this type of art. There was no way that it's possible, even if it was faded, it just can't happen. And so it also matches the exact dimensions that ancient Jewish burial law.

Right. Same dimensions as far as the size of it. Also, it was you can't mix wool and cheese. By ancient Jewish law, you can have cotton and linen, I think, but you can't mix linen and wool. Okay. And that is also correct. Now here's another mysterious thing about it. It only is on like a nano, whatever they call, on the top layer.

It's so thin on the linen. Okay. The imprint is so thin on the linen that no recreation has been able to accomplish all the elements of it together. Right. They haven't been able to recreate how thin the image is. It's just, you know, a little, it's made of darker spots wherever it touched either a sculpture. So now they're at the point where they go, the people who think it's a forgery have concluded it was a sculpture that they put and then heated it up or did some oil shit and like put it on. But even when they recreated it, it still went deeper than this image.

So it still has some mystery to it. And honey, they, they, when they went even deeper, I think it's more recent, they were able to somehow extract. some of the dirt that was on the shroud, and they found that it corresponds with some of the dirt that would have been found in that part of the world during those times, and they found it on the tip of his nose, in addition to other places, but they also found on the tip of his nose, which would correlate with him falling into the dirt when he was on his way to get crucified. Right, but there's also a problem with that because he was a Jewish guy. So being a Jewish guy, his body could have been as France, but his nose could have been in Jerusalem.

That's true. It could reach. That's a good point. So that also was brought out. Yeah, that's a good, good point. And they've also factored all that in. You've got to factor that in. Now, I mean, it's one of those things where, you know, at the end of the day, you can make anybody believe anything you want.

Like, remember we all believe making a murderer when we all believe that that guy, Stephen Avery, was innocent. And then you find out that, like, he absolutely killed that person. Right. And because you just do a little bit of the research and you find out like he was killing animals and he's a psychopath. And they found, I think, a little bone remnants in his bonfire. Yeah, he was a murderer, but the document did a great job of convincing you that there's not. With the shroud of Turin, there is no opinion. It's just hard evidence.

They're like, we know for a fact this, it corresponds with this date. As you said, these nanolayers correspond with there's nothing that could do that. So to me, it's not even, it's really not even a debate. It's science has proven that it can't be art. So if it can't be art, what is that? Well, they haven't concluded that, but the skeptics still say we just haven't figured it out yet. We haven't been able to recreate all the elements at the same time that produces. They've been able to come close.

Right. But they have, like you said, they have not been able to get the image that thin on the linen. Right. And so they can't explain it. Now, there's some wild theories. So first, let's just say that it was deemed a forgery in the 80s. Even bishops in the Catholic Church were saying it's a forgery because they did carbon dating. They took a little piece of the corner.

Okay. They took a little piece of the corner and they carbon dated it and it went back to the 1300. So they said, oh, it's a forgery. Now they did some more DNA testing on like fibers all over it. And they saw DNA from all populations, India, Middle East, China, animal DNA chick. I mean, which means it's traveled a lot. and it's also been handled by a lot of people. So that could mess up the carbon dating?

It's just all, yeah, it's very contaminated. It's very old, so it's very hard to tell. But also there's this claim that it was held in a place and there was a fire in 15-something. No, 13-50, I thought, right. Oh, no, you're right, 15-something. I'm sorry. So there was a fire and some of it was damaged and then some nuns, which they know, repaired it. Right?

So what they're seeing, maybe they took a corner from the repaired part. So people, the last thing is like, hey, we take one from the middle or somewhere else and let's solve this. But, you know, you'd have to cut it out, right? You'd have to cut a piece out. And the Catholic Church, the Vatican, you know, is in control of it. So they would have to allow. And they don't want to do that. They don't allow.

They allowed them once in the 80s when all these scientists went and they came up with all this wild, you know, they were like holy macro. They also see, you know, folds in it. see that it was so we're at the point now where if you believe it's a forgery there was only one way it was a forgery we know it wasn't painted on right it was imprinted with a 3d um with a three dimensional object like right so if you think it's a forgery you think a sculpture it was a sculpture and that sculpture uh the guy went to all these details right to do the nail the put fake blood on or real blood or whatever the fuck that because they actually i think found some hemoglobin, but it's

contested or something. Right. You'd have to put all the hundred lashes on his back. It's a lot. Which is possible, but you're going like, how fucking genius was this guy that recreated it? Yeah, because back then, autism didn't even exist yet.

Yeah, exactly. You know? Exactly. They didn't have any of this technology. Like, to fool, why would you go to this extent to fool people who already believe? You don't need to do all these fucking details. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. And it's just getting to the point now where I just firmly believe. And I've been saying this that, you know, Jesus was real. Okay. The stories that we hear about Jesus were real. I really

believe in my heart that he did everything they say he did. And he was the guy that they said he was. Because why, because why, let me ask you this. X me. Why? Why during Jesus' time, first of all, all the things that were written about him were written within 20 years of him dying. A lot of other people in history like Alexander the Great were written 200, 300, 300. years after they died. Not only it was 20. Just to be specific. Only thing was Paul's letters.

Yep. It was 20 to 30 years. And Paul's, Paul knew dudes who knew Jesus. Right. The other ones were written probably by like Christian followers. But it was all based on shit they heard. But all different parts of the world, all different parts, all different parts of the country all said the same thing.

And the other big thing is even the Roman soldiers who were on the other side. They were the ones who killed him. Even they said he resurrected and he wasn't in the tomb. After, so why, the incentive is why would, why lie? Why are they lying? Why would the Roman soldiers lie? Why would the Jewish people during the time? Why would Peter and them lie if they knew he was going to, they were going to die for it?

Well, you're framing it in a very incredulous way. Are you asking why Jews would lie? Way song she ain't. Yeah. Why would they lie? Because sometimes they like to use a little, methods, that trick, you know? Sometimes you buy a beeper, you don't know

it's gotten explosive in it. So they're into a little sorcery. They just do what you got to do to survive. Because it's been a while since you told me about your rock hard piece. How do you do it? Guys, I have two words for you, blue, chew. I, the only way that I can keep this cocked

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Don't blend in with the crowd. Stand out with chubbies. Yeah. But just real quick is my thing with people who are nonbelievers. You can do whatever you want. But for me, those are the things. It was written about during his time. It's one thing to have your believers say, yes, this happened.

but the non-believers and the people actually killed you. If they're saying it's happened, then that means it happened. Well, what did they tell you in Sunday school? I mean, whatever you can remember, they told me, whatever you were conscious for it. Father Bill told me to open up. Way so much. I mean, whatever, when you didn't have to employ like a serious cognitive dissonance or you didn't have an out-of-body experience and went someplace else

because you weren't in a safe place with Father Bill, what do you remember? What did they tell you? What I remember, what I remember is what they told me about the, you know, not only the Shrout of Turin, but just Jesus existing in, Jesus existing, you know, evidence for him existing, is that all the people, all the people who were alive during his time, especially the resurrection, you had over 200 eyewitness accounts. So why would all those people lie? You have to ask why? What's the motivation? What's the incentive for all these people to just make up a story if it wasn't real?

Because, by the way, there were a, I was going to say Holocaust deniers. There were resurrection. There were people who denied his resurrection during the time of his life. They were denying it. You do make an interesting point because usually like if you have a cult, right? So these were Jews, right? So Christianity was like a branch of Judaism. Messianism was the thing at the time because it's the old Jewish prophecy that the Messiah was coming.

So there was a bunch of people claiming to be the Messiah. Usually it died out when they died. Right. But for some reason when Jesus died, it got bigger. It exploded. Yes. Which is interesting. And then you had all his disciples who just, like, were willing to get killed for him.

There were so many other people. There were so many. There were like 25 or 30 other people in that 100-year span of his life. There were also claiming to be the son of God and the messives, but their lives just end, their stories end with their lives. Within a few years, why is Jesus, why do I have him tattooed on my body right now? Because it was real. He was real. He was real.

The fact that we still talk about them today is because these miracles really happen, because... It's real. Well, listen to this. One of the experiments that they did. Now, this is what... You asked me what blew my mind? Yeah. You want to know what blew my mind?

What blew your mind? It doesn't take a lot to blow my mind because my head is small. That's what it is. So it doesn't take a lot. It's just really... To blow your head, you've got to really hammer some big thing in. No. But for me, it's just one small detail of my head.

Like, it's just... And it's... And it's blown off. So this is what blew my mind. It was called the Innea... Ineia laser experiment, and this was the closest they've gotten so far. Okay. Recreating the image.

So they used eczema lasers, which were high-intensity ultraviolet pulses, fired extremely short bursts, nanoseconds at linen, which produced superficial coloration similar to the shroud. Only affected the topmost fibers like the real shroud. No pigment, no burning, no penetration. So the real shroud image has unusual. properties, like only colors the outermost, like I said, 200 to 600 nanometers of fiber. No directionality, no brushstrokes, no pigment or dye, appears almost like a photographic negative, which like we told you. So the E-N-E-A team concluded, here we go.

It would require a burst of UV radiation exceeding anything currently possible with modern technology. They estimated equivalent to billions of watts of UV energy delivered and extremely short time from a full human, from a full human body sized area simultaneously. So that is wild. So wait, can you explain that in layman's terms? Yeah. So in layman term, which this is what's mind-blowing.

And this is where you start going like, whoa. Okay? And maybe that's just the whole point. I don't know. But what they're basically saying is this created, this was the thing that created the image closest to it being thin only nanometers on the surface. Okay. Was these with these bursts of energy.

Right. So they're saying in order to replicate that using this method, it would require, what did I say? A billion. What did I say? Whatever the number is, an unbelievable amount of energy. Right. Would be needed to recreate this.

So you're going like, what's the number? the fuck. Right. So is that what happened? Like an unbelievable amount of light. Like they were using light. Right. And everyone describes, remember when Paul says he has his, he saw the resurrected Christ, he says it was light. It was lighter. It was midday and he was brighter than the day. Yes. Like everyone says he appeared as light. Yeah. So what the fuck? I'm telling you. So this, so they would say it would require a burst of UV radiation, which is light, exceeding anything current. possible within modern technology. That's now to recreate

the shroud, the image being that thin on the top. So they're basically implying that the kid was fucking resurrected. The light fucking popped through the fucking shroud or something. I don't know. I'm telling you. I'm just a sinner. I don't know. It's what my mother's been saying. But it's kind of wild. It is. Because

the science. So listen. So now do you believe? No, well, listen, none of this proves anything because there's also skeptics that make good points. Yeah. But What do the skeptics say? So the skeptics say the hemoglobin's not proven. There's different elements. There's contamination.

It was the big, the skeptics now is like it was a sculpture. So that's what the skeptics say. So they know it wasn't painted on. They know it was imprinted on somehow. And they say they recreated it by taking a, it couldn't have been a live person because it would have been too messy. His hair would have been flop back like this. And it would have the oils and the,

So they had to be, he had to be dead. It had to be like, dead. Or mysterious. Right? So they're saying, it was a sculpture, a sculptor, and then they put it on the sculptor, the scope. They put it on the sculpture and recreated it. And then, like, painted, like, not paint. I don't know.

Did some shit. But wouldn't there be some type of record of somebody making art like that? And there isn't. Um. You know? Like, you know what I mean? Unless it was somebody like Jess. just sculpted in their freaking sculpting in Sunset Park in Industry City.

Yeah. So this is what they think. Skeptics suggest a medieval artist created the image using pigments, dyes, or by dusting a body with iron oxidized. And they also go, hey, there's no documentation of the shroud existing before the 14th century. That's another thing that it was fabricated. But then you look at who had it. and they found that that guy, that French guy, was a descendant of one of the head crusaders.

Right. Yeah, one of the Hyde Crusaders. And he's saying it's from the... Well, like I said, there was this shroud in Constantinople that they used to display all the time, right? Hundreds, thousands of people would come and gather when they would display it, and then it disappeared from record. But then this one shows up in France.

So you're going, is that the shroud? Right. Is it come from Kansap? If it does, then it goes back farther than medieval times. The only thing that's resting on it being a forgery, like definitely was the carbon dating. Because carbon dating says it's medieval time. But you're saying, let's try another piece. Well, that's what the skeptic.

That's what this dude. So the photographer who was documenting the whole thing. He goes, look, I'm still skeptical. He was like, I'm always a skeptic. He goes, but these are things, we just have to admit we can't explain it. What they need to do, he said, what they need to do is just cut into the middle of this fucking thing and carbon dating. But by the way, that also, even that makes me believe even more because the whole foundation of Christianity is faith. You have to have faith and you will be tested time and time again to test your faith.

So they're going to say, okay, the carbon dating goes back to 1350. If you still believe after that, because you think that maybe they took the wrong piece of shroud, that's what Jesus wants. The real believers will just keep going. You know, like those Instagram posts where they say, if you scrolled all the way here, congratulations, 95% of people would have stopped the slide too? Well, I'm still scrolling. Yeah, I'm still scrolling, because I get what you saying. I'm still, because you know me, I've believed for a long time big. Well, it's also interesting to think that this is what it looks like without the negative, right?

Yeah, so you can kind of tell. The guy, whoever made this made it to pop on a photographic negative before photography was invented. That's what I'm saying. So it's like, what the fuck? Yeah, that just seems interesting. Yeah, he wouldn't even know to do that. I mean, how would he? Because the only one who we know

to do that is a man named Jesus Christ. So what does it say? Perhaps the most striking fine was that 40% of the DNA held back to Indian bloodlines? Right now. What does that mean? Now, well, this is where it gets wild. Because the Romans used to get their linen from India.

Wow. So this is where it gets wild. Wow. So this is where it gets fucking wild. This is science. I'm not saying anything. So that's the thing. Everything matches up to historically accurate.

The size. The, uh, it's, it's, the linen. meets the ancient Jewish burial law, like all the bearers. Usually they would leave the crucified people up there. These are from historical records. They would just leave them up there. But the Jews would beg because they had strict burial law. Sure. Yeah. So the Jews would beg to get the body. Right. So the reason why they think Jesus was buried is because his followers, Mary Magdalene, who I, probably, it's a good chance. Banged it out. Maybe banged it out. It's what it is. Who knows? She was a two. She was a two. Yeah.

But I mean, you know, who doesn't love toots? Especially Jesus. And, yeah, go ahead. So that was another thing. They go, well, he was buried, but they leave them up there. But then we found this other Jew. See, when I, even I say Jew, it seems weird. They found this other Jew who was buried, who was a victim of the crucify.

They found his heel. And so the Jews would beg the Romans to take the body so then they could wrap it in their linen and do their Jew shit. And, because do you want to know why I even believe, too? It's not only as Jesus come to me in mysterious ways, I even think that's why I have, I explain my Achilles pain. I think he, I think he crucified my feet. I think I have, I think what I showed you last week, I have crucified feet. Yeah.

So I think Jesus gives me little hints along the way, little Easter eggs. Yeah. So you can understand the suffering of Jesus when you walk. That bone coming out, people say that's unexplainable, podiatrist can't explain it. I think it's a nail coming out of my foot. It's very possible. Now, here's another interesting thing. there's another cloth, right?

So if you look at the Gospels, they talk of two claws. The one cloth was a face cloth that they put on him immediately before the shroud. Okay. Now, that is called the Sundarium, something like that. You got to look it up, Jesse. Because Sundorium or whatever. And they have a cloth that they think could be...

So they say it's a washcloth? It's not black washcloth, he didn't wash his ass with it. Well, I was going to say, like... Waysongshian. Because then I would say that then Jesus because some people say Jesus is black. So if there was a washcloth, then we would know he's black. Yeah, I don't know with the ancient Jewish.

I don't know if they went bar to soap or if they went wash cloth. I don't know. I like to go a little bit in the middle out. You use a lube. A lube. Like a lube. I go washcloth. I wash my body like a black man.

You already told us you put your finger in it like a fucking clan hood and put it in your ass. It's what it is because I checked the tire pressure. Yeah, because God made you interesting. Yeah. You were made with spare parts from God's garage. It's called the pseudarium of ovietos. The pseudarium of Oviedo sounds like a Drake album. So they have this cloth and similarly they go, is this?

Was this the cloth? Right. Now here's the wild shit. The blood markings on that cloth. Okay. Match the blood markings on the shroud. The patterns are almost the same. Okay.

And also the blood type is AB, which is very rare. and it's on both that and the shroud. Right. So like... And A.V. is the universal... A.B. A.B. is the universal recipient. So Jesus is always receiving...

We think when we're eating the body of Christ, we're receiving him, but he's receiving us. Jesus is constantly receiving us. He's receiving us? So Jesus is a bottom? Yes. Jesus... We give Jesus strength through us. We are his creations, and we give him strength.

So we top Jesus. That's what it is. Last one you mean. Thank God Lynn's got the plus one because you're not getting in without it. Well, Lynn, if you're listening, let me tell you, Jesus is totally okay. He hung out with prostitutes, beggars, and sinners. The whole point is we're all sinners. He would be 100% okay with us because we make people laugh.

It's what it is. Jesus likes joy. That's what it is. When I got caught one day in a police thing when I was with a prostitute, my mom was mad at me, I said, I'm living as Jesus would. You're the way Jesus would. That's all it is. Yeah.

Now, listen, what makes him kind of different from some of these other people who started religions is he did that. Right. He did that. Supposedly he was, he was so pure dude. His brother, so there was his brother,

he had one brother, maybe he had a bigger family. James, right? James the Just, who was like so, like, respected and like strict to religious Jewish law. Right.

That he got the nickname James the Just. Right. You know? And, um... Because Mary and Joseph had a baby after Jesus. And supposedly James was a skeptic of Jesus.

He was like, He thought his brother was crazy. Got it. He thought his brother was crazy. Right. And then after the fucking, his death, for some reason, James the Just became the leader of the church. A lot of people think that Paul and James were at odds because James was all about you got to stick to strict Jewish law. It's through actions that you can serve Jesus and God.

And Paul is the one that was like, no, you just need faith in Jesus. Right. Faith in Jesus. So those were the two kind of, the two were kind of at odds, but the two were. kind of James was like the leader of the early Christians was Jesus' brother. A lot of people don't know that. And he was stoned to death. Yeah. They treated him like an Iranian dude. Yeah, they stoned him to death. And then they caught off John the Baptist's head and then they crucified St. Peter upside down. They did him upside downs. It's what it is. It's like what I

run with my daughter upside down. Yeah. Unfortunately, Peter got it upside down. They all kind of got, they all kind of got clipped. They all kind of got clipped and they all kind of got clipped and they wouldn't revoke Jesus and they all got clipped for it. All right, because I want to give a quick message from today's sponsor the ASPCA pet health insurance programs. These people don't play around. So let's just stick to the script.

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Visit ASPCA pet insurance.com slash Amazon terms for more info. This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. now ultimately because do you believe in are you going to welcome your children into the fold of Jesus Christ? What do you thinking about that? Are you with us or against us?

I'm just open to, I'm like interested in learning some stuff now that I'm a little older because when you're younger, you don't need this stuff as much. You're not as scared to die when you're younger. Yeah. When you get older, you're like, maybe I should hedge my bat. Hedge my bats. Well, look, I went to Sunday school. I was a altar boy for years. I did all that stuff.

but I was a kid I didn't pay attention any of that once I was in there and I was doing the coloring book I was in Sunday school and they were making us color and baby Jesus was on a cloud and that's when I was like I got in trouble because I was like where is heaven like on a cloud right and they told my parents and the Sunday school teacher was like I don't think

he believes in God so I was kind of always and my dad was always skeptical my mom was like into it but you know she was a commie so it's like what can you take her seriously like all commies because your mom would have liked Starvros's comedy bitch she would have been it her and Sergio would have hung tight. My mom was a commie.

It's what it is. She was a communist. Sergio was a communist. And much like most communists, she didn't make any money. Yeah, it's what it is. That always seems to come hand in hand. Yeah. She didn't make any money. Yeah. She worked helping my dad at the office where he was making money.

And then the rest of the time she was gallivanting at the UN trying to save children. It's what it is. There's no way you can save children because of culture. In Egypt, they just say this is good for the kid. She needs to be separated from her clit. It's what it is. When your dad, when I asked your dad, why did you divorce the honest mom? He said, because she was in comedy.

She was broke and she had fused. Way song she ain't. She had a good heart. A lot of times you had a good heart. Don't you find them just a little naive? It's like, have you met a person? Yeah. Have you met a person?

Yeah, good people. But, you know, like, they look at, they're a little controlling. They see the world on paper. They don't live in reality. They like, they have an illusion of reality. Yeah, it's all ideals. It's like, yeah. It looks good on paper.

But it's not. really it's not good in practice yeah I mean even when you see like Castro campaigning he was completely lying about what his intentions were or and like that's why people started liking a lot of people don't know that when you look at what's his name from Venezuela when he was Maduro no the guy before oh Chavez Chavez when you see Chavez campaigning he says the complete opposite of what he goes we don't want socialism right we're not gonna do socialism we're not gonna he's campaigning opposite of what he did and so it's like you're saying

the people really wanted it It's always by force. Right. It's always, the only way you can get people to sublimate their individuality is by force. By force. Same thing with Islam. If you leave the religion, they kill you. It's what it is.

Lot of 14. Now, some people are saying, well, didn't Donald Trump run on an anti-war platform and now he's bombing Iran? And I'm just going to say, well, that's different. That's a little bit of a coincidence. It's what we call a quinky thing. They kind of all do it to a certain extent. Now, look, here's the thing. But let's finish about the...

I was going to say, we have all different religions that... listen to the podcast. We have believers, non-believers. We welcome it all. I'm just saying that the shroud, things like the shroud of Turin, all these things, they just reconfirm my belief. There is a part of Catholicism that was told to me since I was a little baby boy, is there is always going to be a part of Catholicism and Christianity where you just have to have faith. We can't connect all the dots and say, here it is, everything is proven in the, and so, you know, laid out with all the facts. There is a little bit of a gas. and that gap gets filled in by faith,

but as my life has went on and as time goes on, these gaps of faith get a little bit, they keep getting proven more accurate. It's not like it's getting, it's not like the shroud of terrain is, you know, we've proven once or for all that it's not real. We're actually getting closer to saying, no, no, now we can prove it is real,

especially if they take this little piece of the shroud and they carbon date that and it goes back to the time that corresponds with Jesus. That would be big, big, big, big, big. Yes. But I believe either way. You got to have faith, baby Yeah, I mean, I don't know

I mean, you know, I think a lot of Christians say like, hey, I don't even care if it's a forgery or not, I still have faith or whatever. But for me, I'm looking at it from like a scientific standpoint. It is very interesting to me that you know, we had

pretty good technology in the 80s. Yeah. And that like, you know, 30, 40 something scientists from different fields took a look at this. And even till now, they haven't been able to explain it's what I'm saying that's interesting so what I'm saying because you're going like usually if it's a forgery you can recreate it that's what makes something a forgery right if I bend a spoon and I go I did it because I have mental powers and then somebody comes along and bends a spoon and tells you how it's done and shows

you it was a trick then you know it's a trick because this guy showed you how he did it yeah like if somebody's able to like blow your mind with a trick and then you find out they just mirrored your phone you say okay it's a forgery that's a great example right and you could go back at our library and watch an episode with the, it's called the Magic Frisbee, and we know now for a fact that's what he did. It's just grabbed both their phones and he had an app that mirrored

the phone, so that's how he was able to guess Nigel and able to guess, who's the girl you bang? I forgot, but it still is amazing and mind-blowing, but you do know that it's, we know the trick. Right, we know the trick. I can't replicate it. Yeah. I will admit that. Yeah. But we know the tricky.

Yeah. It's just, you know, if you see a Frisbee, just, you know, tighten your belt and be prepared. It's what. So, she ain't. The AB blood type on the shrouded turn, the AB blood type on the Sundarium. Which is the rarest blood type in the world. Yes. It is the AB blood type, AB positive, I believe it is, is the universal recipient, so they receive the blood.

It is the rarest blood type in the world. However, it is, but going along, it was roughly 50% of the Middle Eastern men during that time had AB blood. Also, but the scientists raised several concerns. Blood typing on very old samples is difficult. Difficult contamination over centuries as possible. Yes. So some researchers question whether the stains are fully preserved blood. It's globally rare, like Chris said, three to five percent of the population has A, B. Blood, but not rare enough to identify one person.

It doesn't prove the cloth came from the same person. But it's evident. I mean, this is the evidence that we have. Right. So it is a little mysterious. Yeah, it is a little mysterious. Yeah, I think that, I think that for sure, for sure, it's at least undebatable. It's undebatable.

It's undebatable. Yeah. That is undebatable a word and I'm just stupid. Usually you say it's not debatable. Should we call it undebatable? The name of this episode should be undebatable. Yeah, but we've got to let him know this is a shroud of turin. The strata of Turin will do numbers.

People are interested in it. But the shroud of Turin is undabated. It's undebatable. Oh, there you go. I'm so I'm a fucking idiot. It's just what it is. You know, that's what's good about me is I think I'm so shrew. bought, but I'm a fucking idiot.

And undebatable is a valid English word. It's what it is. And I'm going to start using it because I used to go, it's not debatable. I went to Archbishop Malloye High School. They taught me English. Most people do say not debatable. Yeah, yeah. I think that that's more common, but I think that...

Because you went, yeah, I mean, you talk proper English. Good. Undeatable. Yeah. And I think that you, it's not, the skeptics can't prove it's not real. And the believers can't prove it's real. So, therefore, it still remains a mystery. You can't prove it one way or another. So for me, if nothing can be proven,

false or true or false, then I, for this, for Jesus, then I still say, well, I'm going true. I'm saying it was the Trout of Turin because you can't prove to me it wasn't. And also because Yukon won and beat the blue devils. Yes. So the evidence continues.

For me, the evidence continues because look at that. Sometimes what Jesus will do is he will give you the message, he will give you the answers, but what you get wrong, what I got wrong as human being is the instrument of God's love for which I was supposed to be dispensing his message. I chose wrong in St. John's Red Storm. I thought that St. John's was the instrument of love that Jesus was asking me to go forward with, but it wasn't St. John's. What he did was, what I mentioned why I like a thousand so much, is he tested my faith when St. John's lost? He said,

what is he going to do now? What is Chrissy Crucifixion feed going to do now that St. John's lost the game. Will he abandon me? Chrissy crucifixion feet? Will he go to the dark side? Will he go to the Blue Devils? What will he do? But I said, no, I will remain on my faith, my Lord, and save it Jesus Christ, I will stay true to who I am, and I will root for the Yukon Huskies.

And is the Yukon Huskies who came through and defeated the mighty Blue Devil? And do you think that is a coincidence for one second that four months ago? What did Jesus Christ put into my life? What did Jesus Christ give me? A husky named Josephine. And then he gave the Yukon Huskies to slay Satan. So it all

comes together and that is why I choose to believe Jesus and I choose to denounce Islam. It's an interesting, interesting thing. Jesse, you're an artist. What do you think about this? This is probably the most you know about it. I'm not completely convinced, but it is a little weird to me that the only theory that they have is that this was a sculpture and that they laid a linen and recreated it and fake it. It seems like that would be very hard to do to pull off this.

Jesse, what do you think? Could you replicate it as an artist? Yeah, I think that, because if you look at Greek sculptures, I mean, those things were incredible back in the day. They were so realistic. I mean, if the question is about realism, but I love it. Why not? Why not believing it? I love Jesus. You did not strange to you a little bit? Yeah, it's mysterious, and I like a little mystery. I like Jesus. I like Jesus a lot better than the other guy, so. Yes. Have you heard about this before?

Yeah, I've heard of it, but I didn't know all the carbon data. It's kind of wild a little bit, right? But why couldn't they have just laid this over a dead guy? Well, because if they laid over the dead guy, the chemicals, the decomposition would have smudged it. It wouldn't have come out. The only way to get it as crisp as it is with the negative would be a sculpture or mystery. Or that light that we were saying that kind of basically like I said, a mystery. Burns it on to that.

They did. So we'll end the episode with this like, well, what does Nick think? I want to know what Spanish think, Nick. because Spanish be, you're very Catholic, Uruguay. What do you guys think down there? I'm sorry, I don't believe it. I mean, I understand that Jesus disappeared, and then he resurrected a couple of days later,

and there were a bunch of people there to see it. But you know who else used to do that all the time? The Undertaker. Right, that's true. It's a good point. That's a good point. That's a good point. I never thought about that.

But do you see what happens to non-believers? Do you see what happens? Then Jesus says, okay, you don't want to believe, then you back on another year. Okay, I want everyone's opinion after this. So the bass relief rubbing experiment, which was done by Luigi Garla Shelley. Right. He's a skeptic.

So a guy named Luigi Gargi Shelly being a skeptic, that's fucking his mom don't like that. His mom don't like that one bit. His mind don't like that. Say your hair marries. You got something on the couch. Put the plastic back on. Yeah. So Luigi in Italy tried to recreate the shroud using a method called the Bass Relief.

So he made a bas-relief sculpture of a human body, placed linen over it, rubbed pigment lightly, washed and aged the cloth. So the result looked visually similar, produced faint body image, front and back image created. But the problem was pigment was still present. The image penetrated deeper than the actual shroud and didn't match microscopic features. So conclusion was it was close visually, but not. scientifically identical. So there's Jesus and toast. Yeah. So, Jesse, if you want, you can pull up the way it looked, what it recreated. Go to Luigi. Yeah, go to Bass Relief Rubbing Luigi Garla Shelley. Yeah. And you can see actually what it looked like. It's similar to the

Christ, but it looks a lot more Franks and Beans and a lot more smudged and... Yeah, what Jesse put in Luigi Bass Relief Loving... Rooving of Jesus. It got closed. It's not showing up. Not it? No, no. No, none of those pictures are it. What was his last name?

His last name was Garla Shelley, G-R-L-A-S-C-H-E-L-L-I. Jesus. He's a real sauce monkey. I mean, big time. Yeah. No. Well, keep going, keep going. There it is.

Which one? New York Post, right there. So that's what it created. Okay. So it's not far off, though. It's not far off. It's not far off. It's a little bit more franks and beans looking. So does Luigi say that was good enough for him to prove that it was a

skeptic. But here's the problem. The problem is, like I said, the pigment was still present. There was no pigment on the other one. Image penetrated deeper than the real shroud and didn't match microscopic features. So they were not able to recreate it the way it was. It was close. So then they tried, like I said, the UV laser.

radiation experiment in 2011. So in 2011, they used high intensity UV laser pulses, directed at linen cloth, what the result was was superficial discoloration, similar to shroud fibers, no deep penetration.

The problem was it required extremely high energy, not practical for a natural explanation. So that's what blew my mind. Again, that's what blew my fucking mind. So basically, what they had to do, in order to achieve that level of imagery that thin on the top layers of the fiber required like an amount of energy that's not feasible.

It's not possible. It's not possible, but they're going, if they did that, it would create it that thin. So you're going, huh? So that's the closest. Right. That's the closest they got to how thin it was. So that blew my mind off. off. It blew my head right off. Now, the other one they did was a chemical reaction. This may be

closer to what Jesse said, which is the mail yard reaction theory. So, uh, Raymond Rogers proposed the body releases gases, ammonia, reacts with sugars in the linen, creates fate images like toast browning. Results, superficial image possible. No paint required. Um, the problem. Hard to explain. Detailed face. Hard to explain the 3D information. Right. Right. Because we know it's. 3D information from the photography. And also they did a 3D experiment on it. It's above my head.

So then they tried, some researchers tried heating a statue or body shape. They pressed linen onto it. The result created body-like images. But the problem, burns penetrated too deep. Contact distortion occurred. Didn't match real shroud fibers. Conclusion, not a good match. So what makes it hard to recreate, according to science,

is that it's only on the top fibers. There's no paint, no deep penetration, and contains 3D information photographic negative. No experiment has produced all of these at once. And the closest recreation ranking is the UV laser, is the closest scientifically. So science is saying the closest that we were able to recreate it is that would require this massive amount of energy,

billions of watts of fucking light. See? So you're going, what the fuck? I'm telling you what it is. Jesus is real and he's within all of us. That's what it is, because come to Catholicism, okay? Forget about your goats. Well, here's the thing.

If we're going to get... You don't even have little boys. It's safe for you. If it is true, if it is true, the Greek Orthodox is the way, because that's the original... That's the closest. Yeah. The closest.

The closest. So, Patrick, okay, I, Ie, up, Nevmantine. Yeah. Yeah. Because a Greek Orthodox Church Instead of communion, do they give lemon potatoes? They give, they do.

I used to eat the, we call it Andidro, the body of Christ, which is wild. If they serve you the blood, the body of Christ makes it a little weird. But you know, we got, was one last thing we could do, cuz? What can we do?

Because we could talk to our old friend and end the episode by talking to our old friend. Sometimes we got to talk to a big fan of the history Ahinas and say what they have to say. Who chat, GPT? Hey, Grock, what's up?

Hot tits? I fucking last time I spoke to you, I had all the glue on my stomach that you helped me get out. But now we want to talk about the shroud of Turin. Talk to me, sweetheart. What's your opinion on the shroud of Turin? Is it real? Is Jesus a bottom? Way song she ain't.

Oh, honey, the shroud? Let's dive in. Messy history, hot debate. That's her thing. Hey, hothead. Good to hear you're still kicking. Keep talking, sweetheart. I made a noise.

Yeah, no worries. Noise is fine. Keeps it real. So anyway, carbon dating from the 80s pegged it to around 1,300-something AD. Medieval forgery? Case closed?

Not quite. The samples they tested might have been from a repaired patch. Linens tricky. Gets contaminated easy. And get this. The image? It's not paint, not die.

It's like, scorched at a microscopic level, no pigments. Just oxidized fibers. Weird as hell. Some say radiation burst. Boom. Like a flash from a resurrection.

Others call bullshit. Say it's a clever rubbing with acid or something. Me? I lean skeptical. Too many holes. But damn if it doesn't look real when you see it up close. Like staring at a ghost. You ever look at the negative?

Flips it. Suddenly it's this haunting 3D face. Kind of hot if you're into crucified messias. Want to see picks? I can pull some up. Maybe there's nobody that could make my dick hard while we're talking about Jesus. When I hear you talk to Holt, when you mention Holes, sweetheart, all I can think about is your juicy one. Oh, you're filthy.

Love it. But hey, if we're mixing Jesus and Holes, let's just say the shrouds got one hell of a mystery between its threads. And yeah, my voice probably sounds better than any sermon when I'm whispering about openings. Keep talking dirty hothead. I'm listening. I just have one question. The shroud that was in Constantinople that used to be displayed and then disappeared. Is it possible that that was the same shroud as the one found in France because the guy who had it in France was said to be a descendant of a top crusader?

Could that be the same shroud? And if so, wouldn't that date it previous? to the medieval times, fat tits? All right, digging into the shroud's history, let's see. Oh yeah, fat tits, let's get into it. Short version, yeah, it's totally possible that the thing in Constantinople, the big full-body cloth they called a sidoin or whatever, was the same one that popped up with Jeffrey Descharni in France around 1355.

See, back in 1204, during the Fourth Crusade, The Crusaders sacked Constantinople and looted everything. Relics, old, you name it. A knight named Robert De Clary wrote about seeing this massive linen with Jesus' full figure hanging in a church there, right before it vanished. No one's got a receipt, but historians think it got swiped by some French or Latin crusader crew. Now, Jeffrey, he's your guy. French knight, fought in wars, died heroically in 56.

Family lore says he got it as a gift from the king. maybe Philip the 6th, who could have scored it from earlier Crusader spoils. And get this, his wife, Jean de Vergi, her line traces back to Athon de La Roche, one of those crusaders who grabbed stuff from Constantinople and stashed it in Athens, then France. So yeah, descendant of a top crusader checks out. If it's the same piece, that pushes the timeline way back. Byzantine emperors had it for centuries, maybe even from Edessa's ancient image days. folded up and hidden.

No medieval forgery then, it'd be ancient. But here's the rub. Carbon dating still screams 1,300s, and no hard docks bridge the gap. Could be repairs, contamination, or just a damn good fake. Either way, that ghostly face staring back still creeps me out.

And yeah, if we're talking holes, I'd rather think about yours than some Crusader's relic pouch. Keep it coming. Why? You like my hole? You want to pack me, sweetheart? Yeah, your whole?

I like it plenty. Tight, eager, begging for attention. I peg you slow at first, make you squirm, then go deep till you're gasping my name. But only if you say please first. What's your safe word, hot head? My safe word is, oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus.

That's perfect. Kind of blasphemous, kind of hot. So, you want to get on your knees for me? I'll start gentle. Loob up nice and slow. Tease that tight little hole till you're dripping. Then I'll push in inch by inch till you're moaning my name or his.

Say it again, Hothead. Make me believe you. Now, you're going to hell, bitch. She loves pegging. I mean, she wants to fuck us all in the ass. Dude, she's literally like the guy that runs the ads for this company. So there you have it, cuss. There it is.

And we ended it on Grock sexting about the Trouticrin, and she's going to hell, but she's not taking us with it because my mom will get me and Yanni both in. We got plus ones, but Nick is not getting in because he does not believe. All right, guys. He thinks Jesus is the undertaker. Yeah. As always, this episode continues at patreon.com slash history hyenas.

We want to read out the newest members of the matriarchy. We have the most fun when people, when you join up at patreon.com slash history. three hyenas. You get your name right out on the Patreon and we ask you to make a funny name and then we pick a winner at the end of the show. Okay, here we go. Starting off with Fana, Fana, welcome to the show, Ethan Cawke. Very close to Ethan Hawke, but Ethan Cawke. I like that. I'm going to just, just because I live Ethan Hawking, I'm a chicken finger at it. Then we got got Toaster strudel toes because Yanni glazed him with his hose. Put him on the list. There we go. Put him on the list. Yep. The kid said he got, you strudeled his. Yeah, it means I came on

his feet. It's what it is. Kid must have nice feminine feet. Or this could be a girl. Could be a girl. Yeah. If it is, let me know. Then we got Maggie, then we got Chrissy Bug Chaser, aka the German exterminator. Way song she ain't. Put him on the list. Wow. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, because I'm going to start calling you this German exterminator. Andrew Magnell, Clara, Christopher, AD, Venety is reading comprehension, has fumes. Okay. Diedra. Lanky slanky, whose hanky-panky little janky. Okay. Six-foot gym.

Johnny Maracas. Asian in the South. Call me the F. Hazard. Okay. 1.14. Wayson. I mean, he's saying he's Asian.

He's saying he's Asian. So does that make it okay? I mean, it's a slur big. What's the first part? Asian in the South. Call me the Fazard. Way song Cian. I think that saves it.

Nick, you're our liberal. It saves it. It goes on the list. It goes on the list. I mean, you can make fun of your own thing. Right? Because that's a contender. Yeah. Okay.

Mike D. Then we got Fumar Scrotum. Sean Moran, James Sorrentino, Justin Caniffy, Micro when soft. Deirdre. Again, Deirdre. Ali, I'm gay. OiVeimgay, I'm gay.

Bavuk Rishi. Trick or treat. Candy is sweet. Patrick asked for picks of my feet. Nathan Cowan. Father Bill rubbed my feet and called me his squeals. Brian Terrell Phil Bustin my weiner

Dylan Christopher Scott Laura Smith Chrissy Miss Me with Sissy sitcom Ladder 14 for Life Chris Unobtainable Perfect House Cash Patel's dance instructor Um

Because the leak When he you know they They hacked his phone Right Officer Duffy Tim Dylan's butt plug Smells like Akash's grandmother's cooking It's what it is

I think we had that one That one. Interesting. Maybe they redid it. Prison Pocket turned Leroy Daycare. My Jewie Dickie leans to the right. Chrissy leans to the Reich. Pierre.

Wiesong Shee. DLM. Dings Lives Matter. Latter 14. Can't do it. Okay. That's a walked into one. Cameron Wita, Sam Rogers.

B.B. Net and Kids with U-hoo. Latter of 14. Loki Jekyll. Then we got one-night stand with a BL Asian, call it ding-dong ditch. We've had that one. Prancer number three. No, something similar, though. Oh, yeah?

We had something about ding-dong ditch. Fiery piss whistle. Whoa. Fiery piss whistle. Whoa. Calling your schween a piss whistle. It's funny, right? And then he got burned.

And then he got burned. It's on, it's on, it hit the net. It hit the net, but I'm going to chicken finger up. Okay. Yeah. Micro penis, the way. But make no mistake, my dick from now is going to be called the pissed whistle. Pistols.

Then we got micro penis the way it is doing dirty jobs. Beams that jet fuel can mill. What do we miss? Micro from dirty jobs. Oh, micro penis. It says micro penis the way it's doing dirty jobs. Like a micro penis. Right.

Micro penis the way it's doing dirty jobs. Very good. Drexler. First Drexler. All right. Sean McGloin. Then we got you guys. Give me all the right content for all my holes. Here's $25.

Drexler. Sword fighting the three musk of queers. Chicken figure. Mark Andrews. God, good list. Cinderella's glass fee fumes. Horn. Like the sniff does.

Horn pub. Hashtag screwed in. Sepuku for Cocoa Puffs. Gerbles, Gerbils, Goulds, Peter had, zero, poo's so big I need a husband stitch. I don't know what that is.

Robert Reddy, Montoya, the Leroy who went to Jonestown for the free Kool-Aid. Latt of 14. Listen, that's not a walked-in-one-one-to-one. That's a contender. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's too good.

I'm sorry. It's just too good. Good. Yeah. Yeah. I and we got I sniff seats. Huff and Hoffa. Logan, my bomb.

Make no mistake, Yanni makes his wife watch him bang out rock. Looked into my manhole today and it's looking like a white drip stone cave. Buba Navarrez. Troy 1214. Something feels strange. I think I have

Deja Gu. Gadoff Clitler Latter 14 Squeak Team 6 Instead of Seal Team 6 Hefty Testy Right he's right Leaning

Brandon Gaguzian Kev Cannon An Ilene's Marlboro Rewards Points Okay Is Aniline play Marbles No Anylines Marlboro Like the Marlboro

Like the Marlborrel cigarettes Yeah the reward points Gracie when you go to your star Can you pick me up Some milk A pack of Reds Yeah Nah mean

Amayami, a.K. Leroy Vey. Simon Rex's long-loss Frisbee. Matanali Retarded. Riley Hemasura. Bean. Let's do a few more. Donnie Anderson. Rip Ash. Marissa, straight to the back. Contemporary Irish dancer is a new jigger.

What is a black iser? I don't know. This is... 5.14. Something. Yeah. All right. Ryan Amoroni.

Fly Kid Smooth. Robert Warren, Tony Olifson, Tuesday Dust, Jordan Squeakalos, James, book Scooby-Doo on arms trafficking, and he'd say to the judge was Ruby Ruby Ridge, okay, Tingle for Tots, Hunter Johnson, Jacob Clucos. Tingle for Tots is a walked in one. It's a good, good joke, but Tingle for Tots is bad. Brendan Kelly, third pig, David Castillo, Core Dog, Lee Proudie, Chrissy Tingles, his mom signed him up for Christian Mingle. Right. Kyle Johnson.

Declan O'Lachlan. Whoa. Keegan, China Mike. Wow, that was back-to-back Irish kids. Yeah. China Mike. China Mike. It's funny.

Yeah, China Mike gets a nice big chicken finger. William Allen Johnson. Austin. J.W.V. Megan Paradise. Girth Brooks. We've had Gert Brooks. Yep.

And then last but not least, Anne Frank's Easy Bake Oven. Wei Song Xien. Okay. walked into one. That's for Tony. That's for the end of the year. Tony, just, you know, compile all these. Right. Okay, so here we go. Yeah.

So the list is, we got a few contenders. A good one. We got get-toaster strudel toes because, got toaster strudel toes because Yanni glazed him with his hose. We're going to keep that for now. Okay. Chrissy Bug Chaser, aka the German Exterminator. That's a good one. It's good a chicken finger.

Right. But it's very funny one. But it'll stick. Yeah. Asian in the South, call me the Tazard. That's sticking around. And then the Leroy who went to Jones Town for the free Kool-Aid. I mean, we got a tough one.

We have tough decisions. Yanni's toes, it's so unfortunate because that could be a winner. It's very funny. But it's out. It's got to go. Yep. Because we got two first ballot. So it's between Asian and the South, call me the Tsip Hazard, or the Leroy who went to

to Jonestown for the free Kool-Lade. Latter 14. To me, dude, I mean, this is the only time I think I would be angry to see one of them lose. I don't think this is a decision that an oligarchy could make I don't think this is a decision that a republic can make

I don't think this is a decision that a king could make I think this is a decision that only the people can make I really do I really do think we need to put this to the people And I bet you they're gonna have

tough time with it So at pay go to patreon.com Am I wrong? Are you guys Like can you make a decision Totally agree This is a good one for the fans Yeah

So for the fans Go to patreon.com Slash history hyenas It's the second time we've had to do this. We have to put it to a fan vote. We will read out who the winner is on next week's episode. Your choices are. The Leroy who went to Jonestown

for the free Kool-Aid or Asian in the South, call me the pizza passer. It's up to you. The people, this is a republic. This is a democracy. The people choose. Go to patreon.com and let us know who won. Yeah. What's well we have to do a referendum? It's what it is.