History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - The Wild History of the Ivy League | History Hyenas

Episode Date: June 5, 2025

Yannis and Chrissy D go all the way back to the bougie birth of the Ivy League, from powdered wigs and Latin mottos to today’s woke battlegrounds. Then they sink their hyena psuedos into the latest beef between Trump’s administration and Harvard. It’s legacy admissions, lawsuits, and lunacy. Wild stuff, cuz whiz! Support our sponsors: http://lucy.co/hyenas Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://BlueChew.com! Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code HYENAS -- just pay $5 shipping. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to https://RocketMoney.com/HYENAS today. #Comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Hyenas Merch!!! https://teespring.com/stores/historyhyenas Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This Friday. May I speak freely? I prefer English. The Naked Gun is the most fun you can have in theaters. Yeah! Let's go! Without getting arrested. Is he serious?

Is he serious? No. The Naked Gun. Only in theaters Friday. Guys, we got a wild episode today about the history of Ivy League schools and if Trump is right for taking the money away from Harvard, and it's's gonna be a good one. It's a very good one. Come see me in Providence July 11th and 12th, August in Tampa 15th and 16th, Bakersfield California October 3rd and 4th, Toronto October 18th, Tulsa 24-25, Bozeman

Montana November 22nd and Stanford Connecticut December 5th and 6th. ChristieComedy.com for all my dates. We just added Atlantic City in June, so go see that. And then go see MSG, Theater at MSG September 11th. And then I got a whole bunch of dates in the summer, Brea Improv, Oklahoma. When are you gonna go to Oklahoma? I'm going to Tulsa too. I'm coming with you.

Yeah. And watch the special, it's up on History High Heena's YouTube channel, Property Owner. Do it! Hello everyone, welcome to another episode of the History Hyenas. There's two guys with eight eyes, we're both glassesed up, we got our goggles on and we're ready to rock. Goggles on today. Today we're going to be talking to you

about the history of the Ivy League schools in this country because of the recent scandals with Donald Trump and Harvard University. So I threw my glasses to look and sound smart. Yeah, to be Chinese or to not be Chinese, that is the question when you are being admitted to an Ivy League university. And the Supreme Court in 2023 said,

it is OK to be Chinese. And then Donald Trump came in and said, it is not OK to be Chinese. And it gets pretty wild. And I think you and I are going to have different takes on this and different sides. We're going to be on different sides of the aisle. Yeah.

Because I'm all for it. Yeah, well, we look like we're different. I look like a guy who attends Harvard University. You look like a guy who's pulling up to Harvard University to sell the students coke. It's just what it is. I mean, because I realized, because I said I started looking through my house, and I said,

do I have glasses for the bit to look small? And these are the only glasses I have. And these are the only glasses in history that make you look dumb. Yeah, those are what you call community college glasses. Those are two-year glasses and I got four-year glasses. These are national community college glasses. Yeah. Now cuz I was before we get into... Talk to me! I just want to tell you, listen to me, I was in Charleston, South Carolina. That city is beyond cute and

everyone who wants to run to Florida and live in Florida and retire in Florida no baby I'm going to Charleston South Carolina it was gorgeous and I took some pictures in front of the slave market it's a historical site that's wild that that's a historical place like that's part of their tour it tourism has come to the slave market yeah you shouldn't be not good you shouldn't be doing merch there yeah and they do and they do is bad and I learned I learned a bad one yeah I think I might have said it before do you know where the term knocked up comes from did I tell you guys about this already

knocked up yeah do you know what it is is that when it's too hot outside and people get knocked yeah no what it is well the term knocked up there was a movie Judd Apatow made a movie called Knocked Up, Seth Rogen, Captain Heigl. I didn't want to do the joke because I know you're doing network TV soon. Yeah, just do it. Do all the jokes. So Catherine, Catherine Heigl, who make no mistake, Captain Heigl is a piece and that last name since a little Nazi is Captain Hail Heigl.

That's what it is. Hail Heigl. Yeah. So, so here's the thing. The term knocked up, and I learned this at the Charleston slave market, they just take you on fun little tours with frozen lemonades, and they just talk you about the slave market.

And it's just a little brutes magoots. You just have to suck it up, because you are in the South, and I am Lady Antebellum. So the term knocked up comes from at that Charleston slave market. They would have slaves standing on different pieces of wood or whatever, and you could buy this one or that one for whatever price.

Whichever one you thought was cute. You were basically going antiquity. Yes, exactly. Exactly. You want to take a stroll, get a coffee, and just select a slave? Yeah, it's not great. But and it also, too, and I'll get

to what the term knocked up means, but it also was interesting. Like we're on the tour select the slave? Yeah, it's not great, but and it also too, and I'll get to what the term knocked up means, but it's also was interesting, like we're on the tour of the slave market and then there were two black people selling Bible courses outside of the slave market, so you're a little like, yikes. And it's tough to like, you know, want to take pictures and put on different Snapchat filters when you see black people right out there with Bibles, it's not good. But the term knocked up, what it means is a slave who was pregnant, her price was knocked up. Yeah. Whoa. So that's not good. Whoa. That's not good because she was coming with a two for one. Yeah. So she was coming with a two for, and that's when they say, oh, she got knocked up. That's what it means and John Appetow

You should know that that is not okay And John Appetow was always like everyone is there everything is well the title of that movie is bad bad bad Wow, I did not know that and that is what you call vicious. That's not good. That was good It's a two-for-one basically. It's a two-for-one basically it's a two for one so you can sum up the combo yeah and John Appetow should know better no kidding John Appetow the combo menu at McDonald's yeah yeah like yeah shout out John Appetow it's what it's a yeah yeah it's so you just get a two for one so it's not good right but you're getting all potential you know upside like right I don't want to get into the mind of the consumer. Yeah, it's bad.

It was bad. It was bad on that. We were on that tour, and I was like, yikes. Yeah. So then, yeah. That's not cute. Not cute. That's not cute.

But Charleston is cute. I was once going on a little boat ride to Fort Sumter. Do you know about Fort Sumter? I do know about Fort Sumter, but can I just say? First shots of the Civil War, short Sumter. It does make you, I've got to be honest with you. I've got to be honest with you. And then we'll get to this stuff,

but when you go in Charleston and you walk around, you do kind of just understand why the Confederacy fought so hard. It's cute. It's cute and they just wanted to preserve that and I get it. Yeah, well that's the thing I was about to say is like the history is not cute,

but when you look at the houses, that I mean, a slave owner's house is cute. Gorgeous. I mean you know how many celebrities got in trouble having their weddings? Yeah. At slave quarters. Oh yeah. I mean you remember that there was like a big thing where you'd see like fucking Emma Stone or whatever. Yeah. I mean like and this should be taking it would be like hashtag and then the hashtag would be like the Wilkins slave. What do they call those things? Plantations. Plantations. Like we're over here in the Savannah Wilkins plantation. Look at us and you see girls with just like penis straws and balloons. Not great. And you're going like,

is it not great? It's, I mean, what do you do? Yeah. I mean, it's like, what do you do in that situation when something's that cute? Yeah. Do you throw the baby out with the bathwater? I mean, the history's over. I mean, the building is fucking cute. I do like to prance around. Yeah.

And you know me, when I don't like the history, I think they were on the wrong side of history. You know what I like to do. You've been with me there, and you know what I like to do. I like to pee on it. Yeah, that's what you do. Remember that? Yes, Giannis took a pee-pee on the Confederate side of the cemetery in Antietam, Maryland.

Yeah, I mean, I just go outside and take a pee on it. It's just what you do. You like to do that, so I do respect you for that, but I will say that Charleston, it's beyond gorgeous. Bill Murray lives there if you've never been. The show at the Charleston Music Hall was fantastic. What a beautiful venue. I want to shout out the venue for giving me a very nice tote bag with all these different beautiful gifts

that I just left in the green room. So it's just what it is. If you got my address, you could mail it back. I don't even know where I'll live by the time the package gets to me though. We never know what's gonna happen. Now, I just wanna say- Mongolia and Chrissy.

I just wanna say my name is Christopher DiStefano. I'm on the beam and in the program. But that's what I wanna know. Are you on the beam and in the program? I'm on the beam and in the program. But that's what I want to know. Are you on the beam and in the program? I'm on the beam and some things just put me right back in the program. Yeah, sometimes you're in the program. Jesse, after learning, really getting to know Jesse, he needs to be in the program. You need to be in the program.

Jesse needs to be in the program. Yeah. So, but because I just want you to, yeah, go ahead, sorry. No, I was about to say, I was about to- Get excited. Yeah, I know you get excited because you like action. I like action, I'm in the program. Yeah.

Yeah, you're contained by the program. I'm contained by the program because I'm on the beam and today's rule of the day, today's beamcast is we have to master our emotions. Don't let anger, grief, sadness, depression rule the day. Stay on the beam, you are the master of your emotions, okay? Also another rule today, laugh at everything. Laugh at everything.

Don't take anything too serious, even yourself, okay? Then the other one is I want you to persist until you succeed, okay? Persist until you succeed. The only way to guarantee failure is to quit. So that was Chrissy Dees' Beamcast. I'm in the program. That's the Beamcast right there. When I was looking at you, all I saw

was just water dripping from your forehead because there's a big old hole in that roof. It's what it is. It's what it is, cuz. And I've had a literal, it hasn't let up at all for three weeks. I've just had an itchy right nipple, and I'm rubbing Vaseline on my nipple every day,

and nothing's working. But it's OK, because before we started the cast, I saw you start an itchy right nipple and I'm rubbing Vaseline on my nipple every day and nothing's working. But it's okay because before we started the cast I saw you start to flex your nipples and that's just like when a race car driver revs up his engine. You were getting ready. Yeah we were talking about something else and then Janice showed me do this. Yeah and that's just when you put the key in the ignition and you're revving up. I'm ready to go. Yeah because I am New Balance head-to-toe today. I mean look at this I got New Balance pants, New Balance shirt, New Balance shoes, New Balance socks. I've got a and you're revving up ready to go yeah because i am new balance head to toe today i mean look at this i got new balance pants new balance shirt

new balance shoes that new balance socks i've got a leaky room well what's going on is because you just bought a very expensive house so you had to take a second job at the new balance store that's what it is because i'm the kawai lennard of comedy you're after work because you did a shift at the new house they have cooper flag cooper flag the consensus number one pick for the nba draft just got a deal from new balance and new balance so we have to work because you did a shift at the New Balance. Because they have Cooper Flag, Cooper Flag, the consensus number one pick for the NBA draft just got a deal from New Balance. And New Balance said we have to balance it out. We have Cooper Flag and now they have me.

Because Cooper Flag is the number one prospect of basketball and I'm not going to say he's white and I'm not saying that I'm excited because he's white. I'm just saying I'm excited because he's white. Yeah, it's just what I'm saying. It's just nice to have a white guy named Cooper. When is the last time we were gonna have a consensus number one NBA pick who was a white American? American.

We haven't had a white American consensus number one pick in a long time. Long time. In a long time. And I'll tell you, they're gonna be clapping for him in Charleston. I, that I know because make absolutely no mistake, make zero mistake, if your town still has a slave market

as a tourist attraction, then your town probably has got a little racist, right? Just a little racist. I think the kids who live in Charleston, I think they, at night, sun goes down, nobody's out, I think they like to relive the glory days just a little bit. I feel like they do, I feel like they, because you could tell they all had the, you know, boat shoes on, shirts tucked into shorts, kind of

Tucker look, so you said yeah, yeah, they are, they're proud of that slave market and it's just what it is. It's a little uncomfortable. It's baked in kind of a little bit to the culture, you can't just, it's not a clean, it's not a clean cut shit. No. There's still, there's still vestiges, there's still remnants of it. Yes. Now I wanted to know, is it possible

to get in the history program? Because I am addicted to cute history. Yes. I'm addicted to cute stuff. We should start, people who are really addicted to history need to go into the program. They need to go into the program. Yeah, and when you see something cute

and you lose control, I just want you to text me. Yeah. You know, just text me. Yeah. And just text me and say, I'm looking at this cute fucking plantation, you know? And I'm having emotions, I wanna put my dick in it. Yeah.

And just text it to me though, because sometimes I see something cute from history, like I love cute old shit. Yeah. Sometimes I wanna just take my dick and stick it in it yes cuz I I know you did cuz when we that one time I want to pee on it yeah but that one time when we went to Francis Tavern in downtown Manhattan we went to that museum you were having sex with the artifacts yeah cousin you farted in there I did rip a fart there so what we're gonna do now at

patreon.com slash history hyenas now cuz it's the summer we're gonna start to bring back our guided history tours and our walking tours and one of the screwed in things that Yannis and I came up with when we were in Charleston is we're gonna do a show down in Charleston and other historic cities like that and we're gonna do a show at a venue and then the next day we're gonna have walking history tours that you can do with the boys. Yeah, we're going to start doing shows. And there's going to be a hundred bucks a pop. Yeah. All right, because I'm deep in the mortgage and I made a mistake.

Yeah, we're going to be doing live shows at a tour in cities that have semi-legalized prostitution. It's what it is. Because we're looking for loopholes. It's what it is. In el proclam. Yeah, because join patreon.com slash history. It's what it is in el programa. Yeah, because joinpatreon.com slash history.

That's basically now you're in the program. We're in the program. And here's the other thing too. Here's another thing I just want to just give a warning to everyone else. There's also some other live history podcast starting. One of them is the Bowery Boys, July 2nd. Me and Yannis are coming to the show. We're sitting in the front row.

Yeah, we're sitting in the front row. So we bought tickets and we're just sitting in the front row and we're just gonna look at you. Yeah, we're just gonna look at you. We're gonna look at you. They're smart kids though. Yeah, but we invented history. Yeah, we did.

We're the only ones who could do history. Yeah, I like them. There's another great history account called Keith York City, he's a Keith and New York City guy. He's on a ship right now going across the Atlantic and he just looks cute. Yeah. He's just a cute historian.

I'd like to talk to other real history people and I'd like to get some of their ideas and then I'd like to take them hostage like they're in Celtic Pride. That's what I'd like to do. I'd like to just beat them up a little bit and just take them hostage and we'll just take the ideas out of their roof. We need to tune someone up. I'd like to tune someone up, especially with these glasses. I'd like to tune someone up and make no glasses. I'd like to tune someone up. Yeah and make no mistake

These glasses come with a little side of the n-word Wow, I didn't see that I'm saying with the glasses cut they I would never I don't want you to you need to know you need a six-month break Before you go back to Charleston. Yeah, because what you do is you just adopt the culture of the place That's what it is your chameleon Chrissy and I think it's what it is. Yeah, you Charleston God Yeah, you know like I was Charleston Chrissy like a Charleston chew and I was I almost left with a gray uniform I almost left with a great confetti. I almost said with a Confederate gray. Yeah Yeah, yeah, no, but it's what it is. Obviously, just kidding around. No, but listen, we're close. Like you said before the show, we are close. Some

people you know are close. They're on the one runway. They're going to be leaving. They're going to be taking a one-way flight to heaven. Yeah. Right? But right now, we're close to World War III. So that's the thing. A lot of times we'll look at people, older people, and we'll say, that guy's close because they're on the runway. they're about to die. And now what's happening is society, human beings as just a living, breathing organism in general are close. They were close. Because Russia just got Pearl Harbor by Ukraine, India Pakistan are fighting big. Yeah.

And everyone's just kind of mad at each other. And it just feels like it's going to get pushed into the brink of nuclear war. Yeah, massive riots in Paris over the weekend. It just seems like people are just, everyone's off the beam. Is there any way we can file people on the beam? Well, that's what I want to do. Should we put sedatives in the water supply? Yes.

Yes. Well, I, I, I. Should we give everyone a high dose? Let's give everyone a high dose. We've been on a low dose. Let's get a high dose. And I just encourage you to remember the rules of the day, to mask your emotions, laugh at everything,

and persist until you succeed. I like that. Those are the rules. My name is Chris DiStefano. I'm on the beam and in the program. All right. Today we're going to talk about the Ivy League. It's a place that me and Chris could not get into.

Yeah, because I got into the Ivy League of New York City schools, and that's the New York Institute of Technology in Old Westbury. That's what I got into. And it's just what it is. Yeah. Now, I just like to call this the NBA for the Chinese. That's what it is. That's what the Ivy League is. It's the NBA for the Chinese. I mean, they usually make up about 30% of every Ivy League school and they're way overrepresented and another population that's usually overrepresented is the Jews. Yes. What are they, like 2% of the population in America or something?

They used to make up 20%, but make no mistake, the Jews are now making different choices about where to go to school. They really are. This is the first year, this is an interesting fact, this is the first year where there were zero applicants to Columbia that were Jewish zero yeah because they all got TVs and they got phones and they said that doesn't look like a party I'm invited to yeah not so what Ivy League schools would are the Jewish kids gonna go to that what's the one that accepts them I don't know they're just looking

for schools where they have they're just looking for the least amount of turbulence right they're looking for less turbulence, meaning less, they want to see less Palestinian flags. Yeah, it's just what it is. That's what it is. That's turbulence for them. So here's the thing. Here's what I want to tell you about. Talk to me baby. Gorgeous. Here are the Ivy League schools. Let me see if I can get them off the top of my dome. Okay. Harvard. I thought I was going to say St. John's. Yeah. Yeah. Harvard, Dartmouth. Yeah. K.

Brown. Yeah. Princeton. Yeah. University of Pennsylvania. Howard University. No, not Howard. Black Ivy.

Black Ivy. So, what else? Yale. Yale. Did I say Princeton? Princeton, Yale, Dartmouth, Brown. I said Brown. Columbia.

Columbia. Is another one. And once again, Brown. I said Brown. Columbia? Columbia. Is another one and what's the Cornell. Cornell University. Now, I think Yale is the oldest, right? Oh, Harvard 1636. Yale 1701. Now Harvard. You know what I like about Harvard? It was founded by a guy named John. Yeah. It was just a guy named John. You know Yale unfortunately was named after a guy named El. It was just a guy named John. You know, Yale, unfortunately, was named after a guy named Elahou Yale, who was a slave trader. Not great! Just what it is!

Yeah, University of Pennsylvania founded by Ben Franklin, who definitely had sex with your grandma. The original Hyena. He taught business and he was first in medical school. Brown was founded by Baptist. And was it founded by the Browns? No, it's mostly rich white people going to Brown. So why they called Brown? Yeah. You founded that one? Yeah, I don't, yeah, oh yeah. Just a joke. Put all that on Patreon. Yeah. Dartmouth founded as a Christian school to convert Native Americans. That's interesting. Wait a second, for real? I didn't know that. Yeah, Dartmouth was founded as a Christian school to convert Native Americans. That's interesting.

Wait a second, for real? I didn't know that. Yeah, Dartmouth was founded as a Christian school to convert Native Americans. But what did they do when Zero Applicants showed up because they were all dead? Well, so what they did is they just- Where's the button? I was going for it. Yeah, what they did is they just continued on making it a mostly white school, now they

have a ski team. Yeah, was it just Puerto Ricans that showed up with a feather in their hair? It probably was Yeah Yeah Yeah, I think that was a Chris Rock jokes at some point. Cornell 1865 that's the newest Ivy League school. This is founded after the Civil War with the idea of teaching any person any study It actually includes engineering and it's the only school that has hotel management as a major. So that's the one we could have probably gotten into. Yeah, yeah. It's Cornell.

And then Harvard, oldest one, founded to train Puritan ministers. Yeah. Oh, Princeton. Yeah. Princeton's founded by Presbyterians, got three US presidents. Columbia was originally called King's College. George Washington took classes there during the revolution. They shut it down because the British were bombing NYC and then recently it's been shut down because NYC. That's just what it is. So yeah, and those are the schools. So these Ivy League schools, see, here's the thing. Here's how I feel about the Ivy League schools in present day United States of America,

is I do feel like they have a place. I do get how they are a great educational institutions, why they matter. They're gatekeepers in a way. But I just don't know if the money that you have to pay and the stress that your kids have to go through to get into these schools and then stay in these schools matters as much today as it did 100 years ago.

I don't think it does because basically, I could go get my kid into Harvard or I could just get them interning for Mr. Beast. And then my kid will probably go further if they just know some algorithm tricks from Mr. Beast. Right, because that's the American economy. Yes. That's what it is. We need reform and I have some ideas. Tell me the ideas right after this ad break. Because Lucy

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the individual. They care about the glory of China. We need a little bit of that back. about the individual, they care about the glory of China, we need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back.

We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back.

We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of that back. We need a little bit of pitching ideas because I'm a pitcher. Yeah, we're just pitching ideas. I'm Cy Young. I'm Chrissy Young. Yeah, because you spun the wheel and an idea came out. I've been spinning

the wheel all weekend because I've been in the South. Yeah. So I've just been spinning the wheel and it's just a gorgeous part of our country with a really bad history. Yeah, it's a really bad history. Yeah. So what I think we need to do, Tell me the ideas. We need some state run places that are all publicly funded. And I think it should be opposite of Trump. I think it should, I say all the Ivy League should be 100% publicly funded for meritocracy. Meaning the government pays for the smartest kids born in the United States to go to the Ivy League.

And that's just, that's what that brand is. And if that's, and if that is 100% Asian, Chinese and Indian, then that's what it is. Yeah. You're saying, right? I didn't say that part. Well, no, but saying, I'm saying Chinese, Indian, Americans.

Yeah. American kids. As long as you can prove that they're not spies. Got it. Yeah. Yeah, well, that's, that's what they said. They said that one of the, cause you know, we're going to get into it where Donald Trump is now attacking Harvard University and trying to take the money away and take their endowment,

not their endowment, take their funding away. And somebody on CNN was like, oh, well, this is all crazy. These are historical institutions. This is like the fabric of this nation. Even the Chinese president Xi Jinping's daughter went to Harvard. I said, yeah, to spy. Yeah. That's why. Yeah. She's a spy. Yeah yeah she didn't go because she wanted to no we had like members of the bin Laden family I mean yeah our nipples were recording devices that's right yeah that's right which is probably something they figured out yeah like cassette tape yeah yeah yeah that's just what they do so I don't know yeah depending on you know we can find out if they're a spy maybe you put them through a. I mean she is a piece. She is a little I mean I will get no not the other one

To the left. I mean I will get honey pot. Well, not that is that the daughter? Yeah Oh, I thought there was there was I thought it was this one cuz I don't know. Oh, yeah. Yeah I mean, I'll get honey potted big. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she looks like she can give a nice massage It's what it is. So might have time for that today. And then we should just separate the rest of the universities based on looks. Because look, it's a fuckfest. Let's not pretend that everyone's getting educated. I agree with you. You can just go to chatGBT and find out anything. You turn on the history hyenas to get the real truth, Bader Ginsburg's. You don't need these professors anymore. You send these kids to these places to fuck.

I agree with you. Yeah, so the admissions should be strictly on looks. That's what they should do. It should be like a pageant where they come in and you go, you're a fucking ten, you're for Rome. Chris, you're getting in if you flex in those nipples. Because you go in front of the board and you just hit that rev up on the record.

This would be my dish right here. What's up, babe? How you doing? And then you just have some schools that are just based on money. It only gets hard if you suck it, babe. Then you just have schools that are based on money. Some restaurants are more expensive than others. What it is?

You just go, your parents have 300k to send you to school. This is the one you can get into. You do whatever you want. Because we've accepted you because it's a business and we want your family's money. You can do whatever you want. You can do drugs, you can do fucking heroin, you can do whatever you want. So three tiers, government for the meritocracy, one based on fuckable, and another one based on how much money your parents got. It's what it is. Now here's the thing. What is, because the reason why Donald Trump is attacking Harvard and probably going to start attacking other

institutions is because he believes, the Trump administration believes, that the kids are getting indoctrinated in college, right? Is that really what it's coming down to? That the liberal, extreme liberal ideology is causing big problems in this country and most of it's happening from the Ivy League school so I see it as all the kid wants to do is just you know have a little bit more balance and make America great again. Yeah well you know it's a good thing because our producer Jesse Haffidu is... Jesse Haffidu is a 10 out of 10 name. Jesse Haffidu. Jesse Haffidu is is just, he's one of those big time Trump supporters. He knows, I'm not saying that.

So what's going on there? Tell us exactly what's going on, because my understanding is that he's trying to get rid of spies, he's trying to end DEI, he's trying to end liberal ideology. He's going, he wants a meritocracy, like you're saying. That's what he's looking for. But it's not exactly a meritocracy, because he, even if the foreign student is really smart, he wants that to go to an American. So he wants more American, he wants more trade schools.

Right. His goals. Yeah, because he wants a DeVry on every corner. He wants a DeVry on every corner. He wants kids fucking messing around with screwdrivers. I get it. Yeah. And he wants just less, he wants less foreign students and more American students in these institutions, and he wants their ideologies gone.

But you made a good point, and you said him and his son, Barron, could not get into Harvard, so this could just be payback. That's what there's some people speculate. A couple of writers, I think Michael Wolf was one of them, was saying that this is all just retribution because he didn't get into Harvard when he was a kid and Barron didn't get into any Ivy League schools nobody knows if Barron ever really even applied I know the kid Barron's in NYU yeah right now

and he's just a tall kid he's tall glass of water yeah and the good thing about Barron is he listens to these pods so what's up Barron? What's up Barron? There's no way in hell that he doesn't listen to this pod. I'm a fan. Because that kid told his dad, go on Theo Vaughn. He's the one who built them. He knows. Yeah. So Donnie T. So here's what's going on.

Let's just catch up real quick. So in April 2025, so it's about a couple of months ago, the Trump administration froze over two billy in federal research grants and contracts to Harvard, citing the university's alleged failure to address anti-Semitism on campus. This move was part of a broader effort to pressure elite institutions to align with

his administration's policies. So you can't be an anti-Semite, cuz. You can't be an anti-Semite on campus. I don't know if Harvard, I mean, Columbia definitely is. Yeah, Columbia, yeah, they definitely get in the most air time. Cuz, it's the Seinfeld of anti-war Columbia is this close from just starting having live headings on campus grounds I mean cuz they're gonna be doing beheadings on the quad cuz what I see the footage of my like

Is that the Upper West Side or I'm in the middle of Yemen? Yeah, I have no idea what's happening Yeah, I mean cuz yeah It's not great. If you go on Hinge and you want to catch a date with a white girl who's got a scarf around her head, then Columbia's for you. I would say, yeah, if you're trying to go somewhere and cheat on your wife, then I would go to Columbia University, cuz nobody can identify those girls' faces. No, they're wrapped up!

They're just wrapped up, cuz it It's Sharia law in Colombia! You don't know what's going on, you're like, are they filming the mummy too? I have no idea, cuz! They're all wrapped up! They're wrapped up! So we got that, and then we got, so then, so we did that, and then there's international student visa restrictions under Secretary Kristi Noem, who's a piece! She's a piece, and she didn't know what habeas corpus meant. But that's okay, because she's a piece.

That's OK. You're supposed to go like pieces aren't supposed to know that. That's the thing. It's like for me, it's like if you don't have that much information, it's like, that's fine. You just have to be over an eight. And she is over an eight. Yeah. Can we just take a moment to appreciate how funny it was that the

Secretary of Homeland Security would ask what habeas corpus is? What can you go back to that, Jess? Yeah, stay on that one. Yeah, yeah. It was the equivalent of asking me the answer to a trigonometry question. Yeah. And she's the secretary of Homeland Security and she doesn't know what habeas corpus is. It's just funny where we are. Well, if you don't know what habeas corpus is, I encourage you to go two episodes back on our YouTube and look at our episode of habeas corpus that we did here on the history hyena show. Because everyone knows what habeas corpus is, especially you know what it's funny that she's the secretary of homeland security all she had to do was google it once before the hearing. Yeah. Because she knew she was going to

have a hearing on habeas corpus, she didn't even google it before the hearing. I would have just googled it before the hearing. It's funny what we live in right now, because the history hyenas may win a Nobel Prize. Because it's very possible. Because I call that WGC white girl confidence. That's what she has, and I like it. So Kristi Noem revoked Harvard certification to enroll international students,

which about 6,800 students, or 27% of the student body, basically no international students, which about 6800 students or 27% of the student body basically no international students, the administration claimed this action was due to Harvard's ties to the Chinese Communist Party and failure to curb anti-Semitic activities. So that's the thing cuz if you're gonna diss, if you're gonna if you're gonna be mean to Jews and also be a communist then you just can't come to my school. That's what he's saying. That's what he's saying. That's what he's saying. That's what he's saying. Here's the legal challenges.

Harvard filed lawsuits against the Trump administration. Good luck arguing that funding cuts and visa restrictions were unlawful and politically motivated. A federal judge issued a temporary restraining order blocking the ban on enrolling international students. So cuz I got to be honest with you, I mean, that's not going to pass, obviously. I mean, I'm sure the court is going to uphold that. I don't even think Trump thinks that it's gonna

pass. I think he's just talking about it to cause problems, right? No, I think he's serious about this. Yeah. I think him and Stephen Miller are serious about this and they're using Harvard as like the big example, right? If this passes, this is all to happen to every school. It's not just going to stop at Harvard. That's the goal. I think the goal is they want to clean up the universities. They want to get what they call left-wing ideology out. They want to get all the gender studies stuff out. They want to get all the anti-Semitism out. They want to get all that out. Well, because, I mean, but it is, you know, I mean, if you do an anti-Semitic poo-poo, you can't, you know, you can't have that.

So what is the guy supposed to do? What would you do? I don't know. You know, these kids, they're kids, their brains aren't developed yet. I look at it like you're protesting on the campus. I understand you're revved up with emotion and stuff like that, but what are you really doing? When you're yelling at a Jewish kid who's American or whatever going to class, what

are you doing? Did he throw a bomb at Gaza? Yeah who's American or whatever going to class, like, what are you doing? Do you think— Did he throw a bomb at Gaza? Yeah. No. The kid's just going to class. He's just a Jewish kid. He's just a Jewish kid.

It's like if something happens in Greece and they get mad at me because I'm walking to class and I know people will go, oh, but they all have the right to return. But this is why people are ignorant. So do I. Yeah. I can go to Greece. Sure. I can get a Greek passport right now. My mother was born in Greece.

I could do the same thing that Jews do. I just choose not to because I live in the greatest country on the planet. On the planet. Yeah, and I need to be able to go to a Jimmy John's. Yeah, it's what it is. I just need to be close to a Jimmy John's because once in a while I gotta go on the program

for a fucking Italian combo sandwich. It's what it is because you gotta just spray down that combo with your Sizziki sauce. Because I'm fucking fat again. You're fat again and you're in the program. That's the good thing about being in the program, there's no weight limit. Yeah, I'm back up to 206 and there's nothing to be done about it. You look like a guy.

Yeah, that's what I like, you look like a guy. I look like a dude, yeah. You look like a guy and you got muscle and you're just a big kid. You like that I'm a big kid. I like that you're a big kid. You're one of fucking, you like Buffalo Bill, you like to really fat your guys up. You like that I'm a big kid. I like that you're a big kid. You wanna fuck it. You like Buffalo Bill. You like to really fat your guys up. I do, I really do.

I like a big fatty. I like to get fat into their liver like a faux gras. Yeah, because what's fun about you is you're a big, big guy, but you have no awareness of it. You're scared of ghosts. You're scared at night. I'm scared of other guys who are smaller than me.

Yeah, and I used to tell you, I was like, when you walk alone, nobody, you're a big guy. You're six foot one and you're meaty. Yeah, and I used to tell you, I was like, when you walk alone, nobody, you're a big guy. Yeah. You're six foot one and you're meaty. Yeah, because when I'm walking down the block alone, if it's after 10 o'clock, I have the keys in my fingers and I'm just looking for people to jump out like Ted Bundy to hurt

me. But I'm the same way. I'm a 200 pound kid, I'm six foot and I'm fucking nervous. Yeah, but where you live, you could get eaten by a bear. I could get eaten by a bear. That's the difference. Yeah, I could get eaten by a bear. I remember one time. I don't got to worry about things that you I could get eaten by a bear. I don't gotta worry about things

that you gotta worry about in the cities. I remember one time we were in your house and we were in the backyard and your wife asked me to go to get something in the front yard and it was dark out and I said, I'm not walking on the side of the house if you don't put the lights on because a bear could jump out and bite me. Because I, you haven't been to my house.

Yeah, I was there a few years ago. You were, were you? Yeah, yeah. I was there, remember years ago. You were you? Yeah. Yeah I was there. I remember I came up with Venetia and pimp I came up to your house. Yeah I remember yeah, because that's that is when you had a major leakage in the room I mean I was we your wife had galoshes boots for us outside out. She said there's water damage in the back You know what happened? You know what a mini tornado happens in a tree good knock down to the roof and you got to call the insurance company

Yeah, I was currently being paid for by State Farm Yeah, I had a boy called the roof as we had to canoe back to your because your head was a full river roof I mean, so it's no surprise. You don't remember because you had a leak big Oh cuz the roof was off Yeah, the roof was off. Yeah. There was water dripping on the furniture. It was water. Yeah, it was just raining like it was raining outside.

Yeah. Indoors. So, I mean, because ultimately... Did you apply to the Ivy League? No, the best school that I applied to was Hunter College and I didn't get in. You didn't get into Hunter. I didn't get into Hunter, the physical therapy program. I did not get in.

I applied to Hunter. University didn't get in. You didn't get into Hunter. I didn't get into Hunter, the physical therapy program. I did not get in. I applied to Hunter. University didn't get in. I applied to NYU. PT program didn't get in. Yeah. And I only got into New York Institute of Technology and Touro College, which was online. And what did you do?

You did a couple of classes at Baruch or you did finger paint in school? Art school, yeah. Yeah, finger paint. What art school did you go to? School of Visual Arts. Oh, SVA, that's in Chelsea, right? 23rd Street, yeah.

Yeah, that's a great school. I saw Ray Romano do a comedy show there. Yeah, it's for finger painters. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, there was no academics. It was all painting. All painting, drawing, funny. When he goes in, the first class,

what they do is they just dip their fingers in the paint and they just start doing like that. Start doing like that, yeah. Little clay. Yeah. Now, Jesse, what's your opinion, Jesse Halfjewel, what's your opinion on all this stuff, what Trump's doing? Do you see any path?

Do you like any of it? What his strategy is? Do you hate it all? I don't know, man. The way I look at it is this is supposed to be our best and brightest, right? And spending all this time protesting and doing, they should be there learning to make our country better. Right.

But here's a good idea for you. If they do let international students in and they're good and they're bright and they're vetted, give them a passport as soon as they graduate so they can stay here, develop technology. I like that. I think we just found out who's going to take over for Trump when it's over. It's Jesse Skatora. Yeah, Jesse. Yeah.

I like that speech. Yeah, I like that. I like that.. That was a good speech. I like that. Half-Jew Jesse. Look, I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. Whatever you think about, this is what I think culturally. I'm pulling the helicopter back. Okay, so this is the honest honesty right now.

Yeah, I'm being honest. Honest, honest. For one second, I'm gonna pull the helicopter back, helicopter view. Whether you like Trump, you don't. Part of me thinks there's a lot of things that are culturally necessary, and he's the only me thinks there's a lot of things that are culturally necessary, and he's the only personality

that can push a lot of this stuff through. Because we do need change. Right. I mean, these universities are just for foreign kids. They just keep coming in, and our kids are just on TikTok or whatever. We do need some radical change to make Americans work again, to get this meritocracy back again.

We do need major changes in government spending. We have a problem when it comes to that. So part of me thinks this is just another route for them to be like, hey, we're spending money over here, we're just gonna cut it. They're looking to cut back expenses. There are kids on the road who are looking at their manager and going, why is he getting 10%?

That's what's happening. Well, I gotta be honest with you. Because the government spends too much, and we've been spending too much every administration. The only problem is Trump did a big, beautiful bill, and it's fucking, he's still spending. So you're like, what's going on? Well, I do got to be honest with you.

I mean, a lot of kids now, I mean, kids are still definitely going to college. But like, 10 years ago, my daughter, my oldest one is 10. When she was born, I started saving for college that day one, right? I was like saving college, college, college. My little one is gonna be four and I'm saving for her for college,

but I'm like, is it as big of a deal as I thought? Cause originally I was like, oh, I want my daughter to go to an Ivy league school. I'm gonna have to save a few hundred grand to get my kid into the school, start saving now. But now I'm like, honestly, what's the difference if she goes to Harvard or fricking Hofstra? What's the difference?

I mean, as long as she's doing what she wants to do, does it matter anymore? Because the kid who has a Harvard education, is he gonna get a job? He or she gonna get a job over someone who's, you know, got experience and is just a better student from Villanova? I don't know anymore. Yeah, it's tough to say.

It depends. I mean, what do you think? I mean, let's look at the genes. They're German and they're Puerto Rican. Yeah. Right? Yep. They're basically mostly German and Puerto Rican.

Yeah. A little dab Irish and a tiny little, just a pepper flake of Italian. Yeah. And of course, for job interviews, they'll be'll be German and for college interviews they'll be Puerto Rican. That's what you got to do. And that's just what it is. Yeah so I want to ask like how do you reconcile that right because Trump's gotten rid of DEI but your kids are gonna benefit big from DEI. So what do you do? So what I do there is I what I do there is I just

tell my kids that they're sometimes Puerto Rican and they're sometimes German, but it depends. I tell them to look at their surroundings and blend into whoever has more in the current situation you're in, that's what you become. I like it. If you go to a Puerto Rican barbecue and you see a lot of kids getting in the pool at the house with jean shorts on and all that, then I say, we're Puerto Rican today. I say, honey, go put on Your gym uniform and jump in the pool and then if we're at the white side and it's mostly German and no one's sitting and talking And I tell the kids to sit down and just read a little bit of you know read a little bit from their German

Rebo go take go read go take yeah Whoa, okay, I mean everyone's got different tastes in German literature. I'm just kidding. Everyone's got different tastes. Some read Goat Taste, some read... It depends on what kind of part you're at, but sometimes if a couple of brews come out and reach with a little bit of money... No, I'm kidding. I think, I honestly do think though, I want my kids to go to college.

I genuinely want them to go to school. It's important for me that they have their education. But I will be honest with you, some of these colleges are a little bit like, I do fear a tad bit about the indoctrination stuff. I do get that because it does seem like there are groups of people that go into college and they come out with really, really wild, radical ideas, and I, but that's not everybody, and that didn't happen in my school. My school, we didn't get any of that ideology. You know what I think's happened?

Tell me. It used to be, right, you go to school, you get educated, you get educated in law, you get educated in English, you get educated in literature, you get educated in history, and that made you like a very educated person, and then your family had a very educated person. And then your family had a farm or something, or you went into business, and it worked out.

Then technology took over, right? So science and math, what they call STEM, became what a real education is. Right. Especially when computers came around and you can read whatever you want, you can educate yourself. And the foreign students are just hungrier than we are, right? They're all coming up. They're all countries that are coming up.

So their kids, their parents, they tiger mom those kids to learn math and science. And so what's happening is that they're just coming here and they're doing, they're dominating those fields. And then you got American kids whose parents are paying a lot of money to send them to these universities, and they take math, they take sociology, they take gender stuff that can't pay, and they're just in there,

and they're just protesting and things like that because they're just not smart enough or willing enough to study math or science. I know I needed a tutor to just get past my first math requirement because I was probably the first generation of Americans going like, I'm here to buy. Yeah. I'm here to buy shit. Sell me shit. I'm here for you to make my life better. Wherever it's made around in the world, that's fine. Just sell it to me. Right. I'm here to buy. Yeah. I'm not here to make.

I'm not here to work in factory. I'm not here to fucking become a high level executive. I'm not going to work in, you know, which, that's the majority of Americans, we're here for comfort. I mean, look at us, we both went to pretty good schools, I mean, with graduate degrees, and we're just sitting here on a podcast on top of the Stan comedy club. Yeah, I mean, basically my college education

was a second high school diploma. That's what it was. It was a redundant high school diploma. That's what it was a redundant high school diploma I went there to do learn more read more history Yeah, I we my my graduate degree is probably the equivalent of like, you know someone a Chinese eighth grader That's true. But in America, you're a doctor. I'm a doc and in Ridgewood You're a fucking high level doctor in doc. You're a peer-reviewed doctor. In Ridgewood, you get in the newspaper. I've been in the Ridgewood Times just because of my level

of education. Yeah, because I mean, for Ridgewood, you are a high-level surgeon. Big time. Oh, I'll do it. And by the way, Ridgewood, Queens, go check out that neighborhood. It's really coming up.

They've got a lot of beautiful restaurants there. I'm going to tell you about something funny that happened at one right after the break. When it comes time to spending, sometimes it's out of sight, out of mind. The daily coffee habit, those streaming subscriptions, they add up fast without you even noticing. Rocket Money helps you spot those patterns so you could do something about them and keep more money in your pocket. Smart money

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Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash hyenas today. That's rocketmoney.com slash hyenas, rocketmoney.com slash hyenas. What happened? So I was in, well, I mean, nothing really happened. I just went into, I went into Ridgewood to visit. Basically what happened was, if I'm gonna be honest with you, what happened was is yesterday, I got banged out,

I got banged up in Charleston on Saturday. Oh, you got tuned up. I got banged out, I got banged up in Charleston on Saturday. Oh, you got tuned up. I got tuned up. You got zoinked. I walked around with James Maddern and we walked around Charleston and I got banged up, I got tuned up. You took the dog for a walk. I took the dog for a walk, the Knicks lost and I had like five Guinness and I got banged up and then I got home and then I, you know, you're just like, you know, I was hungover and then you start to just get depressed and then I just missed my mom. So then I just missed my mom. So I just took the family in the car and we just drove to Ridgewood and I picked up my mom. And I just- From Charleston? No, from New York. I got home. Oh, yeah.

I missed my mom. So I flew from Charleston back to LaGuardia. So you were on the plane just thinking about your mom? I'm thinking about my mom, and then I got Jazz and the kids, and Jazz was like, we got a lot of stuff to do today. I said, we're not doing anything, we're going to go see my mom. And she was like, what? I was like, let's go see my mom. You just missed your mom. I just missed my mom. And I was just tearing up driving down Myrtle Avenue and giving my kids a little history. I was giving my kids a history tour of all the things in my life, different moments I had in my life. St. Matthias Church, and this thing was here,

and Seneca Avenue, and then I turned around and my entire family was sleeping. Jazz and my kids had fully fallen asleep while I was just narrating a history tour. And then me and my ma and Jazz and the kids, and we went and we ate in this pizzeria, it's called Pizzeria Penino, and it's amazing. And it used to be like where I did Boy Scouts when I was a kid. Is that where you got got? That's yeah. Jesus Christ. Your mom put you through an obstacle course of getting God.

It's what it is. Catholic school and then the Boy Scouts? Yeah. I mean, I mean, she taught you how to be an escape artist. Cause she taught me how to be an escape artist. You had to really dodge the doodlers. Yeah, I really, really did. But I also, here's the thing is I like to welcome obstacles

because challenges are opportunities in disguise. Beam cast bonus. That was a beam cast bonus. Beam cast bonus. Challenges are opportunities in disguise. So you got a little sad and you just want to crawl in your mom's lap. I got to crawl in my mom's lap.

And then what I did is in is in the moment I just invited her where my family and I are going on vacation for two weeks. Well, cause I got to go to LA. Oh yeah. So I got to go to LA and then I'll be there. I'm going to do the Brea improv, July, I believe it's 18th and 19th. So come out, uh, if you're in California, but we're going to be there for a couple of weeks before and then, and then I'm going to be there for a couple of weeks before, and then

I'm gonna be there for two weeks, and then I just got my mom a hotel room next to us for two weeks, and I didn't run it by jazz, but she's just like, what? And I said, I was just, I was hungover and emotional, I miss my mom. Wait, so your mom's coming for the two weeks? Yeah, so now my mom's coming. And she's coming with us to Disney World. And I just didn't run it by jazz, and it's just sloke-es. Yeah, but that's okay, you got extra hands on deck. That's what I said. Yeah extra hands

on deck. I got extra hands on deck and I said you know we'll be on vacation so it'll be fun mom be fun we'll all be drinking white Zinfandel and having a few brews. That's it. And it'll be fun. That's it when the kids go to sleep she just goes back to her room and she goes in the minibar and she just snaps she snaps open a Sam Adams. Yeah it she just snaps open a Sam Adams, and it's just what it is, and when she sees that our 14 year old, her 14 year old steps in has a tattoo, it's just gonna be what it is.

Oh, he got a tattoo? No, no, no, no, that would be wild if he did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, I- It's a family vacation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think, but I think it's gonna be good,

so yeah, so I went back to Ridgewood, and I just, that, you haven't been to Ridgewood in years. Ridgewood, it has become like the number one neighborhood in New York City. Like everybody, like Williamsburg is not cool anymore. Now it's all Bushwick, and Bushwick Ridge, and people got pushed out of Bushwick. So Ridgewood, if you look it up, like Ridgewood, the kind of all the restaurants and bars and everything opening, it's like my neighborhood has completely changed from when I lived there. You ever been there Jesse? No, never have. Great restaurant, Rolo's restaurant is a huge one. If you, if anyone is listening to this pod and you've been to Ridgewood, go to patreon.com slash historyinus and tell us your favorite Ridgewood restaurants or write them in the YouTube comments.

Because, cuz, what we're going to do for the Patreon is when we get to, maybe when we get to 10,000 paid members, let's take two lucky Patreon members on a date in Ridgewood. That's, I like it. Should we do that? Yeah, I like it. 10,000 paid members. Yeah, we'll do a tour of your childhood.

Yeah, because what are we at? Yeah, that's a great idea. We'll try to put the pieces, like, you know, the investigation, we'll try to put the pieces like, you know, yeah Investigation we'll try to put the pieces together try to put you out. Yeah. Yeah, we'll try to put it together Well, let's see. How many members do we have now? So we got 16.8 thousand members Total active members on the patreon so you guys are really missing a lot if you're not in the patreon and we have 8890 paid ones, right? So we get to 10,000 paid so we're getting close getting close On a Ridgewood date through my childhood, and then we're going to Park Slope day through yours

Oh, I like it. What it is yeah Park Slope. I don't even know if you can get in now Yeah, I don't even know if you're allowed in Park Slope and now you got like a million dollars I know on your Venmo And then we'll eventually both in a few years from now both see the Chinese people that bought our childhood homes Because it's just chances are a Chinese person is bought our childhood homes. Cause it's just, chances are, a Chinese person's gonna buy your childhood home. There's just a good chance I'm gonna go see my childhood home in like five years

and it's gonna be a nail salon. Ha ha ha. Wei Songxian. Thank you. What it is, what it is. So cuz, in conclusion, are you for Trump trying to take the money from Harvard, or are you not for it?

It depends on what episode or what I just listened to. So if I just listened to Candace Owens' latest podcast, she's probably going to say that Trump is owned by Israel and everyone can't believe this and he's doing this because Jeffrey Epstein has some photos of him peeing on a hooker. Jeffrey Epstein who was declared innocent by the uh who was declared to have commit suicide by the FBIbi by dan bonjino who lives above whose month dan bonjino

who's one of the heads of the fbi whose mother lives above my nanny in glendale uh... i swear to god i swear to god he lives above my nanny in queens yeah so that's what the kind of just family environment we have in queens so i think a lot of people on the right and obviously the left are saying that Israel owns Donald Trump, they own RFK Jr., they're both honey-potted, and that's a big, that's a big X talking point. Well, RFK we know was honey-potted. You know he's been, he's an easy kid to

honey-pot. If you look at his history, all you got to do is take out a pipe or a piece of puss, and the kid is gonna give you the details Yeah, it's what it is. Yeah, just he wants to spray meth lune blue on your pussy It's just the kid can't help himself. Yeah, and and so it depends what you listen to and then if you listen to Some supporters they'll say this is what we got to do right to You know get the foreign spies out, to get Americans more spots in these institutions, and we've got to stop the anti-Semitism, which has become run amok in the Ivy League schools.

So I don't know. I think everything may have a little truth to it. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I'm not qualified to know. That's the thing. There's a little bit of truth, Bader Ginsburg, and that's all. And every decision we make. Well, what do you think about it? I mean, I don't know. I'm not qualified to know. That's the thing. There's a little bit of truth, Bader Ginsburg, and that's all. Yeah.

And every decision we make. Well, what do you think about it? What I personally think is I don't think that he, I don't love the idea of him restricting the international students or telling international students who are currently in the school that they may get booted out and their visas may get rejected. Don't love that. I do think Yeah, that's like kind of like what are you doing? I don't like that, but I do think that he and this country has to do something about our higher education because it is truly, you know, I hate to use the term woke that's been so overplayed, but the quote unquote woke

mind virus that you know is just a little crazy like the trans people, trans women in athletics type discussions. That does seems like that gets breeded by college professors in colleges. So you have to do something about that. But that the reason that happened is because nobody wants to do math and science. So they just go to college and they bullshit around. So in order to get these changes, you would have to change the American culture and get kids interested in real, relevant, germane education, which is STEM. And it's just not gonna happen because kids wanna be influencers.

They wanna, you know, everyone now is, you know, how many DMs our producers get about fucking, can you do an internship at the History IANIS? Yeah, I mean, it's not a real career path. So then the only real thing to do then, the only real thing to do is to have every country in unison disarm the nukes, have everyone disarm the nukes, get away the mutually assured destruction and go back to old school warfare and start up World War Three where the boys are making stuff on ships and we got the women in long skirts down to

their knees making things in the factory for the boys coming home from the war. Yeah. And we just go back to the way it was to the glory. Wei Song Xian. All right, let's go to patreon.com slash history. I eat is these are the newest members of the Patriarch. Because Chris will take you on an entertaining drive, but you may not like the destination you go to. It's what it is, but that is what the history, Hyena's walking tours that we will unveil soon this summer are going to be about.

We don't know where we're going and neither do you. Neither does anybody. All right. Welcome to the matriarchy, Edgar Rodriguez. Then we got Enrique the Squeak, no catapult needed, just a slingshot. Put him on the list. That's fun. Just a slingshot. Put him on the list. That's fun, just a slingshot, the kid's a squeak. He may be a kid, that's a kid.

Dare I say contender. Okay, then we got Rainel Ape. Walked into one. Walked into one. Yeah, sorry about that, walked into one. Creative. Richard Garcia, Spencer, Nikki Binder. Then we got The Hands Never Lie, Miss Obama's a guy.

Bye to 2028. That's a good Drexler. By the way, I was told there's a big uproar. There's been a big uproar amongst our fans. What happened? Leroy's ceiling cricket. People were pissed. Okay.

That we didn't get it. Okay. Okay. And it was an uproar. Jesse told me about the uproar. And what was Leroy's, what is the anemology of it? It is a black guy who maybe can't afford the batteries or is, I guess the joke is too lazy to change a smoke detector that is, that is beeping. Oh yeah. That is beeping on the ceiling. So it's a Leroy ceiling cricket. It is very funny. It's a borderline walked into one. Yeah, and it's disparaging race. We can't do that. Yeah, but it is very creative.

And so they were just really upset with us and they thought that it deserved more love. So just to give our fans who love us so much a little love, I'm gonna say you were right. We're gonna make some mistakes. Some are gonna go over were right. We're gonna make some mistakes. Some are gonna go over our head. I don't have the dark mind that a lot of you have and I missed it. Yeah, it's just funny. You missed it, you missed it.

We missed it. But once it's explained, it's very funny. So we just want to acknowledge it. We want to acknowledge it. It's the acknowledgement award. Okay, so then we got Chrissy D's Childhood Thieves burnt off kneecaps from when Uncle Victor burnt off that guy's kneecaps and stole my mother's purse.

You're getting the long time fan award. Yeah, that's a guy with a long time fan award. Thank you for your service, for your continued service to the Major RQ. It's when people throw details like that, you know that they're hardcore in. So then we got Muzzy Cousy with a tucked frisbee, okay? Yids diddled Kanye's kids so he made a hit. Okay. Choose. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, it's a walk in the park. Sorry. Rodeo peanut. Rodeo peanut's a good old chicken figure. Then we got a hairless no-no zone. Pizza goldfish for dinner. Okay. Come a lot in my belly button Harris. Mason Wisely. Magga Markey, Andrew Doyle, Alexander

Moon, Pope Leroy the Juneteenth. Funny. That's funny. Yeah, creative. That's creative. Trying to give AOC my little COC, four at most, two to three. Drexler. Drexler.

Yeah. I love the rhyme scheme. Enjoyed the bidet too much. Now I'm an FF. Okay. That happens. That happens. That's just something that we've all experienced that. German Jew, uh, Jake and Bake, stepdad's a Leroy, so I can say it.

Okay. Okay. Drexler. Funny factor. Uh, Anmar Kampa Najar. I don't know. I don't know what that means. Okay Okay, Drexler tracks funny factor, uh Anmar compa Najar, I don't know what that means Epstein's darling Tommy Hodge by geez Joseph Ray Odom Raquel Jordan Jamie Carrillo Chrissy's pronouns

Walked into one I apologize There's so creative her I mean with the pronoun, I've created, yeah. Then we got, I use my frisbees as an ass tray, it's what it is, cause not good. Walked into one. These are not okay. Why are they so funny? Yeah, but it's not good.

Not good. Limp Gimp, Ian Runnels, TJ Kenny, Laurie Hunam, Jesse Ross, I'm harder than Tom Homan on 22 Blue Choos, okay. Lee Marshall, Craig Harms, Pegging Busy Since 94, Yanni Otani with the Seeing Eye single. Put them on the list. Put them on the list.

Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yanni Otani with the Seeing Eye single. Yeah, created with this unified shit. Kung Fu Diddy from the Bronx Temple. Yeah. Yanni Otani with the sea guy. With this, you know, you know, like shit. Kung Fu Diddy from the Bronx temple. Okay. CNY Lada 14, Eweenies get me creamy. Okay. Justin Kinard.

Ways on she ain't walked into one, but it's funny. Okay. Tyler Arnold, James Cortez, Andrew, Andrew, Andrew that this was cheaper than OnlyFans. That's a chicken figure. That's chicken figure. Dalton T, Two Shells, Assistant Gate Man, Blaise Byers, Ninja Alarma, Schnitzel Monkey with a Schnitzel Monkey with a VW that runs off frisbee fumes. That's what you call a massive walked into one. Jesus Christ. Not good. Frisbee fumes runs off frisbee fumes. That's what you call a massive walked into one. Jesus Christ.

It's not good. Frisbee fumes, runs on frisbee fumes. Jesus Christ. Creative though. Bringing the body for toe-up Sestianni. Appreciate that. Okay. Stuart Farnham.

One Who Nags, if you know what I mean. Okay. Rachel Amabley, Sarah Clark. We missed some. You got walked into one. Yup. Yeah. You walked into one. You walked in there.

They're now they're chat. Now it's a challenge for them to get them. Yeah, it's not good. Yeah. Rachel Amabley, Sarah Clark, Evan Buslosky, Justin Oakenhorler. Then we got Abraham Stinken, Friede Leroy's, Butt Stuff Has Changed and We Should Talk About It, it's what it is. Drexler.

Vicente Enriquez, Goose Springsteen, Travis, Harry, Prato, CR, Tyler Ross, Derek Mahoney, Joe Leiden, Daniel Moss, Andre Avik, Michael Torres, Alex Buenestero, Wei-Shan Qian, straight to the Baccarat table, Baileys Chubbed Up Daily, Zellmere, Frisbee Net, and Yahoo swallowed my glue glue, Blue Goo, Jerry Vargas, Gage Peterson, Nicholas Coyne, John Slater, Gape Lynn Jenner, oh, Gape Lynn Jenner. Very funny, chicken finger.

Half-Baked Sammy, Johnny Bainel, Christopher, Sid, turn frisbee land to glass and pound my Aryan ass. Drexler. Russell Levy, John Gillis, Max DeForia, Tristan Spring, Dong Lemon, Chris Unshaw, Franklin Delano, Roly polio, Robert Sandberg, put it in her beaver until she got a fever.

Okay. Elizabeth Melkmova Abdul Roman Ashad. Wow. Yeah, there he goes. That's Alex Sacco. That's what you call Masad Bay. It's what it is. Louis Lee, shark man wolf, Ant Torres, Alec Villarreal, You're Not That Gay Pal, Corey,

Let the French Take the Statue of Liberty Back, Replace it with the Catapult of Subjugation, okay? Grace Bader Ginsburg, we've had, B. Secret Squirrel, John Greep, Ryan Manzalla, and Pablo. All right, one more, one more more page just a few more names. Holden Edwards I call her muzzy uncle Rusty cuz the pussy is bomb. Wow. Okay. That's good. Not less now. Cause the pussy's bomb. Muzzle Uncle Rusty. That's a borderline. Alright. That's a borderline. I'm gonna Drexler it. Steve Rogers, Brett, Bumblebum, not a fruit, but like my lady's finger in my shoe. I'm going to go put them on the list. Okay.

Chicken figure that deserves the list. Yeah. Hey babes, corpus. Put it on the list. That's too good. Okay. It's too good. AP, Mike, Chris, Frisbee, Netanyahu, Zinzi, the new Jigga, AK Leroy Goldstein, Tristan Hennings. Wow. Yeah. It's not good. It's not good, but it's creative.

Kim Jong Fumes, Michael Razy, Craig Leah, Casey Duff, Jake, Jennifer, Bridget Cunningham, beating me to miss Pat's titty feet. Titty feet. She's a big girl. Yeah. Put it on the list. All feet. Titty feet. She's a big girl. Put it on the list. All right, here we go.

Spencer, a Southern Italian kid that's waiting to choose what side of the race for, he's gonna join. Put him on the list, that's funny. Jesse Sembrano. That was a courtesy, because we don't have a lot. No, yeah. Chrissie's, Dissey's, Prissy Sissy. Trevi, I can crack him open,

but I can't clean anything out, because I've got a small piece Foster. He can get in there, but he can't sweep. That's a contender. Hag Pop, Bitch Tits, Brick Monette, Wolf the Awful God, Logan LaChapelle, No Means Yes, David S. Parker, Foreigner with Forskin, Shamiah Brown, Akash the Pajit, Drops Turds in the Street, Bill Burr, Muzzy Woman, Forced to Dress as a V booth but not allowed to vote?

I say put it on the list. I say put it on the list because it's just so good. Calling someone saying you're dressed as a voting booth is funny. Just so good. I mean it's a walked into one but it's just too good. Lebanese telecom, paid your way to 72 virgins. Lebanese telecom, I'm sorry. Paid your way to 72 virgins. Lebanese telecom, I'm sorry. Page your way to 72 Virgins.

Live 14. It's a walk the other way. What can we do? I mean, it's just too bad. People got hurt. Nolan Magg, can I finance the Tim Dillon episode with a 408 credit score? Probably not. Yeah, Drexler for the funny. Ricky Steinfeld, my chicks got orangutan tits. It's what it is. Put them on the list. We're coming in strong here on the rear. Right. Robert Reddy, Andrew Dice-Kunanan aka Perk Franklin. Very funny Drexler. Christianized after dark, the sacred

rocks Yanni pissed on in Gettysburg. Wow, this is a coincidence. Yeah, Drexler. Filipino but I have six inches. Congrats. Interesting. Yeah. I'm not like Anakin Skywalker. I like Sans, but these ladies, Jowas do keep nearly killing me in the minivans. Love you, sluts.

I don't get it. I don't get it. Sorry. Logan, Leroy Tarifnik. I just said sorry. That's a walk in one big time. MJF crawled into the Hurt Syndicate's shoes. OK, straight to the back.

Zachary Bushro, Derek Frank, Martel Sini, Chris Slaven, Tim, Tracy P. And then last but not least, AOC is for Rome, but Pete Buttigieg is for the table. I like that. That's a fact. OK. So all right. Our fans are so creative. Yeah so this list what happened with this list is you thought it was done and then it... Bangers. That's the list to the end. Bangers. Okay so the list Enrique the Squeak no catapult just needs a slingshot. That's the contender. Still. Uh-huh. Which is crazy that was the second name we read. Yeah. Sometimes that happens. Yanni O'Tonnie with the Seeing Eye single. Very good but we had one recently so we're gonna we're gonna direct. Still. Uh huh. Which is crazy, that was the second name we read. Yeah. Sometimes that happens. Yanni Ohtani with the Seeing Eye single.

Very good, but we had one recently so we're going to, we're going to direct that. Okay. So we got one from here. Yeah. It's just where you, where you're placed. Not a fruit, but like my lady fingers in my chute. That, it's a chicken finger. We're going to, it's going to lean more to a chicken finger.

Hey babes, corpus. That's very funny, right? I'm gonna chicken finger it but the creativity of habeas corpus and it's good It's good beating me to miss Pat's titty feet. I'm gonna come good. We're gonna keep that keep that. Yeah Spencer a southern Italian kid that's waiting to choose what side of the race for he's gonna join at the time I did that as a charity that that deserves to be Drexler. Drexler, okay. All right. Muzzy woman forced to dress as a voting booth but not allowed to vote. Contender. Contender. Contender. My chicks got orang tank tits, it's what it is. Chicken finger. Okay, so it is between Muzzy woman forced

to dress as a voting booth but not allowed to vote, beating my meat to Miss Pat's titty feet. We do this right. Enrique the squeak no catapult just need a slingshot and then I forgot one. Travi I can crack them open but I can't clean anything out because I've got a small piece Foster. Very, if that guy is extremely funny a little too wordy but let me tell you something I'm gonna give you a yas yas for the creative. Get a yas. I need help with this one because make zero mistake, my heart is going for the voting booth.

But that is a borderline walked into one, but that's where my heart is on the funny factor. The voting booth is so funny, I've never heard anything like that. I personally think though, just because it's fun and it's not gonna hurt anybody. I like Enrique the Squeak, no catapult needed, just a slingshot. Cause he's just a little guy and Enrique the squeak in and of itself is funny.

Very funny. Jesse, you're the deciding vote. And what was the third one? The third one was, um, um, uh, beating me to miss Pat's titty feet. Yeah. That one made me laugh. I don't, I'm not sure what titty feet are, but it's still funny. It means she's a big girl and so there's fat on her feet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That one made me laugh. I'm not sure what titty feet are, but it's still funny. But titty feet means she's a big girl and so there's fat on her feet.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Funny, funny, funny. But I think I'm in the voting booth. It's just because the outfit, they got the little slot in the eyes. That's where you put the envelope. Yeah.

That's the winner. We're democracy. We're democracy here. That is the winner. So congratulations. If you go to historyhyenasisback.com the winner of this week's list Uh up name up in lights the ppw pseudo penis of the week We have muzzy woman forced to dress as a voting booth, but not allowed to vote. Congratulations to you. You can see it

Thanks for watching the show