History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Watch Your Tone with Ryan Sickler | History Hyenas

Episode Date: October 23, 2025

The boys sit down with comedian Ryan Sickler to discuss his new comedy special, near death experiences, and how to monitor your tone when talking your significant other. Check out his new special Live and Alive here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMGWVyM2NJo Support our sponsors: https://bluechew.com To explore coverage, visit https://ASPCApetinsurance.com/HYENAS #comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Peloton. A new era of fitness is here. Introducing the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus, powered by Peloton IQ. Built for breakthroughs, with personalized workout plans, real-time insights, and endless ways to move. Lift with confidence, while Peloton IQ counts reps, corrects form, and tracks your progress. Let yourself run, lift, flow, and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.ca. Guys, we've got a great episode with the great Ryan Sickler coming out. We talk about a lot of

things. We have a lot of good laughs. I mean, the kid almost died, and it's a pretty compelling story, and his laugh is going to give you the tingle in your pringle. Yeah, it is. Guys, catch me on the road this weekend in Tulsa, Friday and Saturday. Then remember, me and Chrissy are doing a live history hyena show for the New York Comedy Festival, November 12th in Brooklyn, New York at the Crown Hill Theater. You can get that at history hyenaspod.com, either one of our websites, go get your tickets now. That's November 12th, Wednesday, November 12th, and see me in Bozeman, Montana, Stanford, West, Nyack, San Francisco, Calgary, Royal Oak, Michigan, Bakersfield, California.

Yes. And I will be this Thursday. I'm at the Tabernacle in Atlanta, Georgia. This Friday, I'm at the National Theater in Richmond, Virginia, November 12th in Brooklyn, as Yanni said. And then I am in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania at the Met, November 14 to 15th, Christycomedycom for Tickeys or History Hyenas is back.com for Tiki wikis, and you are going to enjoy this episode. Have a little fun. Patreon.com slash history hyenas.

What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of history. Hyenas. We got Chrissy D. A.K. Chrissy Klamydia. With me, as always, Yanni Pappas, a.k. Yonni Yajas. And we have our very special guest who has a comedy special

coming out tomorrow, baby, right? Tomorrow, come out at, what is it, 9 p.m. Yeah, it's going to be streaming live on my YouTube, 9 Eastern, 6 Pacific. Now, everybody... I'm going to be live in the comments, too. I'll be watching in real time. So join me there, set a reminder. It's already up on my website.

So set that alarm because we want you guys flood in the comments, the lovely hyena fans. And if you know, if you're listening to podcasts and you're on the internet ever, then you know, then that man's voice just gave you a little tingle in your balls. If you're a truck driver, you maybe just have to pull over because your balls just filled up a little bit. And maybe you're even pre-coming, maybe even a little glues dipping out of your piece on I-95. It's possible because you know that voice. It can only be the man. It could only be the voice of one man, one very, very, very handsome, deep-voiced man from the great city of Baltimore, Maryland.

Mr. Ryan Sickler. Thank you, thank you, guys. That's a hell of an introduction. Thank you. I'll say deep voice until he laughs, and then he sounds like a schoolgirl getting tickled. Yeah, it's what it is. Yes. The laugh is just unmistakable.

Yes. And welcome to the honey-doe, y'all. He's the only man I've said. He's the only man. He sounds like a Confederate and a Union soldier at the same time. Yeah. There it is. That's the greatest description to me I've ever.

That's what it is. You are the full civil war in a person. Listen, they're talking over here about releasing. I'm going to say, I don't know. Then I'm down there like, they're going to do it. You're going to do it. You, if you were alive during that time, you would be the great negotiator. You could talk to both sides.

Both sides would listen. When I first met him, I had no. I thought he was from deep south like Alabama. And he's like, no, man, I'm from Baltimore. Baltimore. Y'all talk like that? No, you don't sound anything like Stavros. Right.

Stavro's has a different accent. There's so many different accents. There it is, though, a little bit when you say there a little bit. Look, when I moved to California. I could just, sorry to cut you off. I could just tell you one thing. He doesn't sound like Stavros, and Ryan definitely wouldn't be friends with Mom Dani. That I know for fact.

If you really want to have fun, I'm going to tweet me and Ryan's text message. He does not vote for Bob Dardy. He also not. Cut the water action, please. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Yeah. Yeah, Baltimore has a weird accent. I thought I sounded like everybody else until I moved to California, and they're like, Zabalvada. And I say phone and home. And they're like, phone, home, like that. So, you know, you start here.

And I have relatives that sound like Stavros' Ronnie character. Yeah. That's, I'm a, you know, I'm a light little version of that these days. I have a draw, but I have relatives that that's why I always say Tuesday, because those are the days of the week. They're Monday,

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. If you listen, by the way, they should 100% go back to the old school giants on that. I believe. What are we doing? But Phil Sims is a Monday Tuesday guy. If you listen to him when he talks, announces next time, he'll go, well, it's Sunday. They were practicing on Wednesday. And then you could start

here and also put a R. So he's a Baltimore guy. He's not a Baltimore guy, but he must be from that area where they do that. They call that Mid-Atlantic accent. Because Philly sounds similar to us. Yeah, Delaware County, that whole area. Because your accent sounds like a dude from Philly that just smoked a lot of weed. That sounds like a slowed down version.

You may be one of those dudes like you always wonder like where do accents come from? Because I've met a lot of people from Baltimore. I went to school in D.C. You are unique. You don't sound so much like Baltimore, but you may be one of those dudes who like starts an accent. Like at some point there was some dude in Arkansas or Alabama. I've never heard about that. One dude who was just like, hey man, slow down with how you talking about ass, you know? Here we go.

Thank you very much. Oh, nice. Thank you. But ice, yes, which we're going to call on Nick in a second. Then we got Patty with the fatty. Pats from Lebanon. It's from the Baltimore of the Middle East. At some point, there had to be like a very charismatic Jewish.

person that was just in Long Island going like, oh, the guy that gets things done. And then at some point there had to be like a very like charismatic Italian guy going like, fuck you, you asshole. Like it had to start with somebody. Right. And maybe it started with Mr. Ryan Sickler. He could be the one that changes the Baltimore accident

more of a son. Ryan, you're a guy too. You're a guy too. I can't believe. Who almost died. Ryan almost died. Yeah. Yeah. Ryan's almost died many times. And that's just called growing up in Baltimore. That's why this whole special is live and alive. It's all about them almost come. I just almost die. I was not in that hospital because I was drinking too much or not

smoking too much or not take care of myself. I was in there. I was 100% an advocate for myself saying I've got this blood disease. Do not let me do not, do not, do not. And they did anyway. And I almost died. I'm very lucky to have made it. Yeah, because what was it? I just went for a back surgery, but there was a bleed in it. So they had me come back in again for a second one to fix it. And normally after a back surgery, you're a doctor. You know this. They want you up and moving. Yep. But because of the second surgery, they're like, well, now you need to lay still.

And I was, that was it for me. And I was like, I can't do that. You've got to move me. And they didn't. And then I clotted on the day I was going to go home. And then did you lose consciousness and all that? Oh, yeah. I almost died.

Did you see a light in all that in your death experience type of? I felt all the pain because I'd clotted before and they didn't believe me. And I thank God, I passed it. But I felt everything. I told the lady when it was happening. And I said, I'm clotting. Right after she said, you can go home. I said, I'm clotting.

I collapsed on the bed. My eyes are closed. A surgeon comes in. He says, sir, what's going on? I said, I'm clotting. He said, what's it feel like an elephant on your chest? I said, three of them. I said, this has happened to me before.

The heart attack, yeah. He says, do you have heart attack symptoms? And I say, no. And within a second, I say, oh, my God, I'm feeling the shit they tell you, the jaw, the left arm. And I go, yeah. And he said, this is the last words. You may be clotting and having a heart attack. And that's death for me, but they fucking save me.

So you passed out. I was out. Yeah. Like, you flatlined, do you think? No, I don't think I flatlined. But you, that's the last. Because I was still able to communicate with them. I think they came in and got me quicker.

I don't know how long I was out, but I don't, I didn't die. You woke up in a recovery. I woke up being told what just fucking happened to me. And that because I have the blood disease, they can't do the surgery through your groin where they just vacuum the shit out. That's right, brother. Yeah. A big kind of hangs right.

Exactly. Like the way you vote. That's masterful, bro. Now, let me ask you this question. We, I should say, wait, we, they tell me if they do that procedure, I could be a vegetable. So I got to go old school, which is IV blood thinners. And if my body takes, then it's I can shoot myself with a needle and then oral tablet. And I can't leave the hospital until I can take the pill, which ends up being three weeks for me.

Because you can't swallow. Well, because my blood has to take first. And they tell me, like, this shit might not work. So they tell me it's 48 hours. These 48 hours are touch and go, and they make me make calls. I had to call my daughter's mother. Or are you going to be able to do a special that's coming on on YouTube tomorrow? If I make it.

And here I am. Now, do you think that you did this on purpose because you had no material? Yes, I need it. A great honeydew episode. Or were you saying, you know what? This is one way to get on Kill Tony. If I go live from a coma. Let me become a vegetable so I get the golden ticket.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would get one. but why don't you're like okay you're like oh my retard and they go crazy and start shooting guns in the air yeah yeah oh wow so that's but see that's what i'm saying so we talk about a lot people who you know we have sometimes yonis and i talk about our anxiety and how you know uh low dose of anguish you know we need to be our medicine and this and that but you actually survived a near death experience So do you have more or less anxiety on the other side of it now? That's a great fucking question.

Why? They ask me that. I think I have more, well, I do have more anxiety. Let's not even fucking kid because it's genetic and my daughter's not tested yet. So if she has it, then you both have girls? We both. Yeah, we're all girls. Yeah.

So birth control is prone to making women clot. Oh, okay. So if my daughter has what I'm. I have, she can't take birth control. So when it gets to be about that time, we're going to have to get her tested and see, and then we'll have to figure out what goes on. But they will be able to have a test to tell you, does she have it or does she have? Yeah, it's just a blood test. And they'll be able to sew. But here's the weird thing. I have two brothers, and I'm a fraternal twin, which is interesting, because we're separate zygote. He doesn't have it, and my younger brother doesn't have it.

Interesting. I just got it from my dad. Right. The only one. Right. Damn. Sometimes that's the role of the draw. But if we're identical twins, we'd both have it because we're in that same fucking heat a while. In the womb was just like, fuck this shit. Yeah. Fucking, he might have split it. He saw it. He was in there.

He was in there. He was even being like, yo, this dude's clodding. And you're too laid back. You're like, no, I'm comfortable right here. And he's like, you can get that shit. And you're like, beats moving. I also worry about it because I'm on blood thinners forever now. And they, I'm on eloquist twice a day.

I'm twice a day. I have an oncologist I still, even after being all lab rat I stuffed to meet with an oncologist every six months and I'll tell you what, that puts shit in perspective because I go to an oncologist with no cancer and there was a day I waited for 45 minutes in there

and I was getting fucking pissed but I didn't say anything to anybody and when they finally call me I walked past all the fucking IV drips and everybody sitting in there I was like, you know what? I'll sit here for three motherfuckin' out. Seriously? It right away was like boom. So, why do he need to

Go to an oncologist if you don't have cancer. Because I have this blood disease and he just wants to make sure that, because that's the other thing. Oncologists also deal with other shit. Right. But everyone knows him is cancer. So when I heard that, my doctor's like, don't freak out when I'm about to tell you. And he said oncologist.

I was like, what? That's a cancer. That's what I said. Of course. So this guy's good though. I see him every six months and he just monitors my iron and makes sure I'm good to go and that everything's rolling right because I got to have this fucking meds because I travel all time. So I wear compression

pants. I get up on the flight. You got them on right now, the compresses? I will tonight when I fly at all. Hell yeah, dude. Send us the pick of that. We'll throw that up on the episode. I'm glad you guys want to get horny. You got it, bro. The high socks. My dad walks around in compression socks all day, dude.

He looks like Aaron Judge. He's just got him pulled up all day. You know, because Judge wears those high socks. My dad wears the compression socks dude all day. And because my dad's a diabetic, he takes very good care of his feet. Dude, my dad's feet are so soft.

And if you just zoomed in on my dad's foot, he looks like he has a woman's foot. And it's... If only his foot was his child. Oh, I know. Yeah. Dude, he... How's a man give love to his feet? Feet, dude.

He's got his wife rubbing cream all over his feet every day. He's got those compression socks on. I mean, like Jerry Rice's Steve in hand. You know what I mean? Soft leather. Immaculate. He does not want to lose his feet. So that's...

But he'll eat. He'll eat a full cheesecake to the head. But I'm saying, does he not get the fact that that's still going to kill the feet? Well, that's how good fucking cheesecake is. Right. I'm just going to fuck. This is a dilemma. I'm going to lose my footer.

I have this cheesecake. The cheesecake's just going to win. Well, that's the thing. Like, I have high, you know, I'm not diabetic yet, but I have, I've always had higher blood sugar genetically from my dad. And also, I just pound sweets big. I mean, I just got a bagel and I dipped it into banana pudding out there. That's just how I fucking roll. And I'm walking around here with the stomach virus.

I got peptobismal in my pocket. So I don't care, dude. I'm full of diarrhea, but I just can't be stomped by sugar. So he also lives in a very nice neighborhood, but is wearing a jacket that looks like he should be asleep on the 7th train. It's just what it is. You look like you got that a chest king. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make absolutely no mistake.

My father wants to get buried with his jacket on. So this is an old school 1979 giant's leather jacket. That fucking logo. So, but anyway, but now with modern medicine, you know, the doctor, and he took my blood, he was like, we're all good. I was like, oh, you know, because I have a little bit of a medical background. You know, blood sugar is a little high. My A1C, you know, it's like 5.4, 5.6 is pre-diabetic. And he was like, listen, if you get into the 5.6 range, you know, or over and your blood sugar gets a little higher,

we'll just put you on a very low dose of OZempic and it'll knock it right out. You can just keep eating like you're eating. And I'm like, that's crazy that even that, even diabetes, technically, I mean, it's not for everybody, but technically the doctors are like, it's like HIV now. They're like, you know what, dude, you just take a little pill. You'll be fine. Knock it all out. Is that really right?

If you microdode, they're seeing microdosing, you know, OZempic, because that's a GL1P inhibitor. So that, you know, the losing of the weight was just a byproduct of it. It is revolutionized care and diabetes. Diabetes and obesity are two things. This is brand new news to be. They're a choice now. Exempic is helping with diabetes. That's why.

More than the weight? Wasn't it originally supposed to do that? The weight loss came as a bipartisan. They figured it out to lower people's A1C. This is like Viagra. 100%. Viagra I read a long time ago With her heart

Yeah and then they wanted it back And men didn't send the fucking shit back No people were popping boners like crazy dude Yeah So that's why nowadays Not technically right now and present day But within the next few years Like our daughters are gonna grow up in a world

Where being obese and being diabetic is a choice So their children will be able to take something even better by then hopefully It's a choice meaning do you have the medicine and prevent it You don't have to take it You know like And that happens to many to do, you know, polio, leprosy, these were things that people just live with. Yeah, it's like nobody's getting that anymore. There's a lot of things that end up having a different effect like than the intended effect.

Like, for example, if you have a lot of gay thoughts and you jerk off with Vic's vapor rub, then your brain affiliates pain with attraction to males and it can cure the gay. Dude, crystal meth. Yeah. Crystal meth was just a beautiful little thing that the Nazis invented, Adolf Hitler and the scientists over there. They invented a little thing called Ponzer chocolate, which was just chocolate. little tablets that the Nazis would eat that would keep them up. It was like they thought it was like a high dose of caffeine so they could just

kill Jews at will. But it was actually crystal meth in just a cute little chocolate coating like a little Hershey cats. Yeah. But so things come out of, you know, science. Yeah, and sometimes things, you know, you're like, oh, this just keeps me up at night, but then also it makes you, you know, have good

like ideas. Yeah. It has ideas. Sigmund Freud wouldn't have had any cocaine. Cocaine. The edipal complex and all that was all coked out. Yeah. But, you know, but, you know, Yeah. So no reason to be, so if you're obese and diabetic, what we're saying here in the history and the show is it's a choice and it's your choice. Yeah. That's what we're saying. That's not controversial. But unfortunately, I don't think there's any secondary benefit to what you got. I think you just got what you got. Yeah.

No, but I bet you they can treat your disease. What's the disease called? It's called Factor 5 Liden and it's a genetic blood disease. Use the promo code history. To use Factor Meals. Factor Fyelighton. To use Factor Meals. Factor Mielis. That sounded like a plug. Promocode hyenas is Factor Fy Liden. Yeah. Get the factor five diet plan.

And it just means I have thick blood and I'm prone to clotting. I think there's like a factor eight that's a thin blood. Got it. But you got the thick blood. You got that thick blood. And here's a thing. It's something you don't even know you have. My dad died not knowing you had it.

Really? Yeah. So I find this all out after going, what the fuck's going on? Did your dad just drop one day? I don't know where? He did have a heart attack. We took him to Hopkins. they released him, telling him he had blood clots.

And when he got home, he died like a day, two days later, we found him in his bed. Damn. But it was ruled because he's 42. Everything back then is ruled heart attack. He was over 42 when he died? He was a baby. Wow. That's just young heart attack.

That's what they would always tell you back then, heart attack. They're realizing now these days that a lot of the heart attacks back then probably were clots, lungs or whatever. They just, you know, technology is so much better. This is 1989 also. So, you know, I've been diligent about. cholesterol and everything thinking all my life it's this and then I get kidney stones and I'm bedridden and out of nowhere you never had kidney stones never with that just came out of and I mean it was all stress related this is when my daughter and her mom and I are splitting right my daughter's mother

and I are splitting and it's all stress and I get kidney stones but I start I'm in I'm in the star wars movie though the Han Solo died one and I'm wearing jeans and I'm just rubbing my legs like I can feel my veins and my legs like a topographical man map. And I'm like, what the fuck? So I just called the hospital. I'm like, hey, they said, sir, you're clotting. You need to get to the hospital now. So I go, I have, uh, still kidney stone complications. But now they think you might have cancer. You might have leukemia. You might I'm like, what? So then it becomes all while I'm splitting with my daughter's mother, I'm looking for a new, I'm, it's crazy. Yeah. It's now I got to worry about, what kind of voodoo do my daughter's

mother put on me right here. Listen, when I was in the hospital the first time, yeah, she loved to watch snapped. You know snap? Sure. Of course. Yeah. And when she left, I looked at the doctor and I said, check me for low-grade poison. Seriously, check me for some arsenic, baby. I swear to God, I did. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And she came back in, I was like, I told him to check me for low-grade poison. She's like, are you serious? You don't get nothing if I die in that pre-nup, baby. That's why you got to put in the pre-nup that if you die from anything mysterious like that, she don't get shit. Yeah, what do you do? You got to die from natural insurance with that. Do you carve it all out? me, yeah. Yep, yep, we call that

little Puerto Rican clause. I'm sure. I got the PR clause in there. No, snapped. She loved Snap. It's on oxygen. You guys could see it on oxygen. Now you can see it on investigation discovery. Investigate. I told my wife, since he's younger than me, he's just going like, hey, if I die,

our insurers is you got to get a job. Well, but the truth is, Yanni, and that's the reason to keep me alive, you're saying, yeah, that's a great thing. Well, because don't try anything stupid. Now, Ryan, you're a great father. I always loved that about you. You love your kids.

They love your child. And the ex-wife, you guys are get along now, right? Not ex-wife. We were never married. Okay. And I will say kids, because I've, my daughter's brother, their brother and sister now, obviously. But he's been in my life since he was six. So I've been with him the whole way, except for a little spats of here and there and not being around.

But, like, he's drift racing now. And I sponsor the car and shit. Like, it's been awesome. So he's Japanese? he's a Japanese kid now yeah he's a tall kid too he's six five yeah wow is you playing some ball well he played basketball for a while but he's super into cars so he started working for for Ford worked his way up he's only 22 worked his way up to a master mechanic they're sending him around the country and I'm on the road I'm like what's city of you and he's like I'm going

to Phoenix for a class he's got more dates than you right now that's what I said to him I'm Jesus Christ yeah so um he just well I don't know if I should say this but either way he's he's got an opportunity for a killer new job with a hoonigan i think they're called or something's a big deal good in this world so he's crushing it good he's a great older brother and a really good influence being a stepfather i'm a stepfather too that's the hardest that's way harder than being a biological parent because you got especially as a guy you got to override every instinct to be like you're not my fucking kid to deal with the problems that any teenagers going through so you i know i know how that feels where you just deal with it but that's you know i'm he's you know i'm

his success is very much linked to yours. I mean, because if you would have died, you would have really let down your family. Listen, man, that kid, for real. Yeah. For real. That kid, I say it in a special. He's fucking, he's 18 when I go in. He took me to the surgery. He came and checked on me. He was like, hey, stop drifting across the highway. The ROI on you is fantastic. Yeah, it paid off to be nice to this fucking thing. Seriously, dude. He looked me up. And it's also a thankless job because I'm sure throughout his life, he didn't know to thank you or what an impactful guy you were in his life. We'll find out later.

We did a, during the pandemic, he was getting his license, and I needed content, and he needed a driving hour, so I did a whole thing called Learners permit with him, where I took him out to teach him how to drive, and I got content on my YouTube. Yeah, yeah, it was good doing. Because you know me, you know the thing that I tell you about all the time is I love huge, thick cock. That's what I want. That's what I want to see. I told you, you said you weren't feeling good.

I said, baby gorgeous. You know what you need to do. You need to pop a blue chew. They're chewable tablets. You need to pop it. and then what you do is you use your boner to clean out your nose. There's nothing more depressing than a soft glue gun. I like my glue gun's hard.

Salute. Yeah, I mean, because I got to be honest with you, I don't think there's anything a hard glue gun can't fix. I mean, dude, there's a lot of times I, you know, I snake my toilet with my glue gun. Yeah. I hang clothes on my. I hang clothes on my glue gun. I mean, I love it.

And I want you guys to start to feel what me and Yonnas feel, and that's just having a nice RHB. R-H-P, rock-hard penis. There's only one guy I know who loves glue guns more than us, Jim Norton. Oh, he loves cock. Now, this isn't just about performance, okay, guys. I want you to give the group chat something to talk about. I want you to take a blue chew, which is a chewable tablet made right here in the USA,

and I want you to take a picture of that glue stick, and I want you to send it to your boy's group chat at about 3 o'clock in the morning, so they all wake up and they go, whoa, they go, whoa. Listen, we've got a deal for you for blue chew, for our listeners. And you got a cold. I got a cold. Get your first month of Blue Chew free. Just use the promo code hyenas at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping.

That's it. Join Blue Chew's mission to upgrade humanity one thrust at a time. Head to BluChu.com for details and safety info. And big thanks to Blue Chews for sponsoring the history hyenas. Because you've been telling me a lot about the ASPCA pet health insurance program and I've been listening. Yeah, let me listen. I got two dogs. I got them on this plan.

So you got to check it out. Your pet is part of the family. you'd pretty much do anything for them. That's the way I feel about my dogs, right? But those vet bills can be tough, Chrissy. Yeah, I know. They can add up quicker than you think. That's why it's worth checking out ASPCA pet health insurance.

Pet insurance that can help you manage the vet bills so you can focus on what really matters, making sure your pet gets the care they need when they need it. Oh, and here's a little bonus. There's a perk for enrolling. So when you enroll at ASPA's pet insurance plan, you get a, a $25 Amazon gift card. Hello. A little treat for you.

Yeah, a little treat just because you're doing something great for your pet. It's what it is because life with a pet is full of surprises, chewed up socks, spur of the moment adventure, unexpected vet bill. I mean, those all are things that could be a pet or that could just be living in Puerto Ricans. But ASPCA pet health insurance program covers it all because big vet bills never show up when it's convenient, do they? You're never just saying, you know what I can really use right now? A pet bill. Yeah, it's always good to have pet insurance and they make it real easy for you. So to explore coverage, visit ASPCA petinsurance.com slash hyenas.

That's ASPCA pet insurance.com slash hyenas. Eligibility restrictions apply. Visit ASPCA pet insurance.com slash Amazon terms for more info. This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either independent American insurance company or United States fire insurance company and produced by PTZ insurance agency limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Can I ask you guys a question as step parents? Yes. Since you know. All right. They say trans women are not women. Right. But as step parents,

you can't, can you say, isn't it the same thing as saying step parents aren't parents? Right. You what I'm saying? Right. Because there's a lot of people who would say my stepdad was my dad. well let me say this i'll say this can i take this one sure take it our step parents parent the reason you say step parent is because they're a step in parent they're stepping in to help out is that what it comes from that's what comes from yeah believe so that's true you're a step parent right you're a step parent the same way you're a trans woman you so the kid would hold on don't call don't call my step that that was my fucking dad that was a piece of shit i'm a step parent yeah you're a trans woman regardless of however anyone identifies to any title if a was a we wouldn't need to put a disclaimer on it all the time like step or trans if a trans woman was a woman you wouldn't need to call her trans you wouldn't need to tell me that right right

sometimes better not to know got it step parent yeah sometimes it's better to find out after you come yeah after you call me but what about the kid what if the kid you says to me that's my dad I call him dad but the kid to the kid the kid's going I'm calling him dad just call him dad that's my dad but that's different than titles yeah that's different than titles

like if you're a trans woman and you say I'm a trans woman which by the way Janice is on Camino no I'm calling you Linda I'm only that in New York shows and Miami shows yeah Miami yeah I will call you Linda if you're Linda So if you want me to call, if he wants to call me dad, then that's fine, too.

But those are just things within people's communication. It's when you get outside of it and everyone starts to classify and title and everything, that's where it gets muddy and foolish. Like, whoever to fuck you, look, man, if you're my uncle, Teresa, you're my uncle motherfucking Teresa. You know what I mean? Who gives a shit? What does he call you?

Does he call you Ryan? He just calls me Ryan. He looks to Ryan. But he would, so he's the one that actually brought it up. I never brought it up or anything. I went to pick him up at school one day. And these kids were always like, who are you? Always come pick him up every day.

And he goes, he's my stepdad. And so then I was like, all right, because he has a dad. So I called his dad. His dad and I are close. And I was like, you know, he said this. And I would never want to step on. Like, I wouldn't want somebody fucking, my daughter calling somebody a stepdad if he wasn't really, you know.

Right. And he was good with it. He was good with it. Yeah, that's, I think that's. So that just came. It comes. You know what I mean? That's a reason why I always think about why I don't want to get divorced.

I just don't. want my kids being like, you know, having it graduate from Steve to my stepdad. Yeah, yeah, but that's, I want to keep him, Steve. Yeah. If there's another guy in my daughter's life, you better keep calling him Steve. Right. There's only one dad in this fucking place. Yeah. You're still Chris, right? Chris to my stepson? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he just goes, Chris, can I go to school? Yeah, he just goes, yeah, it goes, Chris, take me to school, or Chris do this, or yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, or sometimes now he talks through his child advocate. What do they call you?

Yeah. Just a third guy on the phone now. Basically, yeah. You got the government all involved. I'm involved. Here's the thing. Here's the thing is I can 100% tell you about the New York City court system, and I've never committed a crime in my life.

Okay, but I know more about the ins and outs in the New York City family court system. than you'll ever know in your fucking life, baby. Yeah, that's something I definitely, I, I, you know about the Baltimore family courts? Not even Baltimore, L.A. because of my daughter's mom and I. She lives in L.A. your daughter with you? Or she lives in Baltimore? No, no, no, we're all in L.A. Yeah, yeah. I have 50-50 custody and that's what I fought for.

Like, I wanted all that. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want to be a Wednesday weekend. Like, fuck that guy. I wanted to be a dad. So when you split up with, two, three schedule. So when you split up with her mom, she, because she came out to L.A. with you. No, no, no, no. We met in L. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. We met in L.A. So she was living there already. We met, I was a writer on a gig, and she's an audio mixer, and that was how we met. And then, you know, we have a dog baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we live, I live, you know, I don't know, three miles away. It's like a 10, 12 minute ride. Perfect. Everything's dialed in now, you know. And it, we didn't start off that way. Like, it was, we were like going back and forth. But when she gave me this, because she's like, look, I don't want to go to court. I don't want to do this whole. Let's. Let's. create our own court order that we go by. Let's not get lawyers involved. So we got it to about 80% aware we were liked it. And then she wanted to get an attorney for the rest of it. And

then when I read it, I was like, I would have said yes to this. She's like, you would have? And I was like, yeah. Yeah. And so I signed it. And that was it. And the beautiful thing about that is it's on paper and it's this is textbook. But we don't have to do this. This is if shit gets bad and fuck you fuck you yeah we go by this yep but we're good enough where she's been great i'm here because she'll switch and so i've got a two two three every other weekend so i have my daughter and then i'll go on the road have my daughter i'll go on the road so it's actually worked out really fucking for our careers i know and i've i've been on both sides of it dealing with the courts and then not dealing with the courts and always don't deal with the courts because even the lawyers

are like, you know, once you open up that Pandora's box and now a judge is involved, you got to play by rules because then all of a sudden you miss a pickup or whatever. Now, like, now whatever city you're from is involved. And now it's like it's not a dispute between parents. Now it's like some freaking judges. That's right. And you got to deal with you. A person has no idea about you or your kid.

No, you're a black and white. You never met you, nothing. You're a statistic. So I'll be honest, I pulled in the park. It was $25. And I was like, we ain't coming back here again. Fuck that. $25 every time?

Yeah. And then we got the sheet. And see, that was a thing, too. I kept telling her, I was like, I know you don't want to hear this because we're at odds, but your attorney's praying on you right now. Like every 15 minutes is a charge. If I send an email, it's a charge, charge, charge. And I said, I would agree to this. I would agree to you.

You didn't need all this. But she did. We got it done. And now that's, we also use an app called our family wizard. Do you know about the OF? No. Family Wizards, a great app because what it is is it's recognized by the courts, at least in California.

So, meaning these days with AI and everything else, you could say, Ryan texting me this and you could make up, you know, I'm going to kill you, light the house on fire, whatever. Those aren't admissible in court anymore, at least there. But this app is recognized by the court. So if there's anything we need to do that's, you know, professional or whatever, we deal with it in the app. And the courts don't monitor the app. It's just something that when you, let's say you're having an argument. You could say, no, that didn't happen. This is what they said. You can take that in the court. They'll recognize that conversation. Yeah. They won't recognize all the time text

and things. I would fucking love to have that app just with my wife, even though we're together. Yeah. That would be great. Well, and it's one of those things where, you know, as you said, It's very expensive for any of the people who were criticizing me for going to Saudi Arabia. I have three words for you, Brooklyn Family Court. That's what I have to pay for. That's what I have to pay for. So, suck my ass. I have fully converted into the Taliban because I got to pay these fucking lawyers.

Not even my kid. That would be great if they had a nap where you could, you know, you could vent. what you want to say. That would be great. Okay, here's a thing that they actually have on it. And then they translated into a nice message. Yes, that's chat GPT. You should be used.

But our family wizard has a tone meter. Okay. I like that. So, and here's what sucks about it is because if you write something like, I told you that I would, nope, it'll light up. There's five tone bars like your Wi-Fi bars. And you type it out and it's like, mm-mm. Tone.

And you got it. so I got great my goal and I never sent one was to send every message without that tone meter hitting one wow and I would do it yeah did the ones I get back coming like that no they were I would screen grab and send them back like please why and I'd circle watch your toes watch your tone watch your tone but you know who I learned the tone meters for the people women yes people with vagina with the tone yeah I can talk to you however the fuck I want to, but the minute you give it back to me, how dare? That's who the

fucking tone meter is for. The people who could dish but can't take. Dude, my family what an epic, revolutionary app, because like you said, you don't have to use it for the court, I could just be texting, we can text our wives and see what the tone is. Yeah. That would be great if black teenagers in the bus could

go through the app. Yeah, it's a lot of type. Just to get the tone down. Yeah, tone. It's a little much, a little loud. It's a little loud. It's called a tone meter. Make that noise through the app, and it'll give you a... Excuse me, tone. Can you watch your tone?

Be good for... Strong name. Be great for Derek Gaines in the Stan Green Room. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Mr. Derek Gaines. Put that into the app. Ryan, how long have you been in New York for?

Oh, man. Literally 30 hours. Why, you're in and out? I'm in and I fly out tonight. I'm headed to Austin. I got in, I don't know, after midnight, officially Monday and knocked out. We did so look for me. I did Stavvy's pod yesterday.

I did soda. You didn't say tranny, right? Hmm? You didn't say tranny on Stavvy's pod? No, no. I can't say that word. I did KFC Barstool. Are you garbage?

And I'm here with you guys. And I'm flying a bar to go do your mom's house. Perfect. Now, yeah, because, you know, I always thought you would be the guy because you're such an East Coast. I gravitate towards guys from the original 13 colonies. And you're a colonist, you're a, You're one of us.

You're a freedom fighter. You're a patriot, your son of liberty. And I always... Funny, they say the same thing to me when I'm down in Alabama. Yeah, I know. Both guys, playing on both sides. But you, the fact that you still live in Los Angeles is because of your daughter. 100%.

When your daughter says, Dad, I'm going to school wherever, you are getting out of L.A. immediately. Out of L.A., yes. California, I do love California. That's interesting. I didn't think you would. I would say this. Every night I am on Zillow looking at houses.

in Maryland all the time. I really love Maryland. I'd like to go back to Maryland eventually. I like the four seasons. I like the food. I like the all of it. Oh, crab cakes. All of it. Now, your daughter is how old? She's 11. Oh, she's 11. She's still young. I got another 10 years

problem. In L.A. You ever tell her to speed it up? But maybe you could start telling her, maybe you could start putting her head that she should go to University of Maryland or she should go to a school. I told her, you know, my goal is to buy a place somewhere else so that when she's in high school and shit that's the summer place where we go with the friends and all that stuff maybe you want that

on the east coast you want that's what i'm thinking yeah but she likes UCLA right now and right across the hall we got three football players from UCLA that live there and we talk to them and they're cool with shit so she'll chat with them yeah wow that's cool chat with them um but i do really like when it comes to california i really like like the north san diego pocket oh yeah it's that delmar fuck or uh is it delmar no no no no It is Del Mar, yeah, that fucking ocean side, like that area is gorgeous. San Diego is we'll call it a Christian city. I like, I like San Diego.

You know what's funny about San Diego? During all the pandemic shit where L.A. was out of their fucking minds. We couldn't do anything. L.A.'s in Islamic City. I went to, I went to, excuse me, San Diego, and they didn't bring up Trump. They didn't bring up. They just moved forward as if life was not different at all. if you wanted to wear a mask you're welcome to but you don't have to like i was like how in the

fuck are we two hours away from this shit san diego's the best san diego's a little haven't you know i think it's leans right a big time dude you see the comedy club there's got a bald eagle an american flag in the background it's from from um i'd say about just north irvine south is all right oh yeah point i mean you go to the harbor it's all trump flags flying on orange county california's big time republic yeah oh yeah Oh, yeah. People don't realize that. Even when you go north, it is, too. Like, L.A. is this one chunk of this. And then you got San Francisco up there, too, as well. But everything in between that's all cowboy and redneck, the whole fucking way up. And then it's all Republican all the way down. Even East, where my stepson went to live with his dad, they're all Trump out there, too. It's just Los Angeles. Yeah. Just a little asshole. It really is. Yeah. Yeah. Now, would you like to buy an apartment in Greece? Yanni's family owns an apartment in Greece. that they're selling.

Are you? My brother wants to get rid of it, yeah. That's what's the thing. Do you want to... How much is it? I don't know what he's selling. Tell me all. Let's hear the pitch.

It's 10 Chobonis. Yeah. What's the... How many bedrooms, bathrooms? We've got three bedrooms there. That we know of, but he is a gay kid, so there might be some secret layers. There's some secret... It may be some dungeon rooms.

Unfortunately, yeah. Some gay tunnel. Might be some, but if that's fun, you can make that you can turn that into like a fun, you know, video game space. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but the thing about, you know, moving out of the country is you think, like, all these protests and stuff, is shit percolating over here? What do you mean?

Like, is things getting bad in America? Yeah. I mean, everyone needs to chill out. Yes, here's the thing. Everyone needs to chill out. I agree because the internet galvanizes it. But what I like to do is talk to the elderly. That's what I like to do is I talk to the elderly.

So I talk to my dad. I talk to some of his friends. I talk to my mom's friends. they all tell me the same thing, in different words, is, yes, it's bad now, but when they were little kids in the 50s and 60s, and they literally had to do drills where they were hiding under death because they thought a nuclear attack was imminent, that was also scary, and we were fine. So they're like, you'll be okay. Like my father always says, New York City right now is terrible. It really is. He goes, but it wasn't even close to how terrible it was in the 70s.

That's for sure. Seventies, and he said, and we got through that. It's better now than the 70s. Way better now than the 70s. 70s was the worst. He said, so you got to understand, like, every, he always says, like, every generation thinks they're living in the worst times and blah, blah, blah. So he was like, you've got to put it in perspective. Now, with that being said, defend chrism at all costs. Also, though, you think about it.

Like, my, our kids, our kids do active shooter drills in school. Do you know? Oh, yeah. Our kids have had to do it. the only thing I had to do was sit in the hallway and just bend between my legs and hope that we would do fire drills yeah yeah these kids and so what are their kids going to be doing I know I don't even know well I worry about if you guys think about this you know our daughters are roughly same age Johnny's a little bit younger but I genuinely think about like what are my children going to do like in 20 years from now who knows like you can't pinpoint what AI is going to take over and what it's not but already jobs are becoming obsolete so like what are my daughters going to do what is the the best plan of action? Is it, you know, in 25 years, will teachers be AI? Like, should they, should she be a plumber? I don't know what to do. I don't think anyone can really figure out anything pretty soon without AI. Right. I don't know. Like, nobody's reasonable anymore.

No. Even this like, no Kings protest, you're going like, you guys are still doing this? You guys are still yelling about Trump? That's your strategy. Like, when are you just going to get an alternative? Like, an exciting alternative. How about put all that? that money and janity into a good candidate how about that how about that strategy that we have to vote for because you didn't fucking have an election when the president dropped out of fucking what it is missing that there's nobody out there

vote curtis leewan from there they got the lady from uh the lady cussing at everybody trying to run for governor out there in californ they got aOC you got kamala it's like just throw us and then the newsom's the only alternative he's not that great did you see the rachel maddow Kamala interview where she called her out for it. Is this recent? Yeah. No.

She's on a book tour. Kamala is. And she's on a book tour and she's sitting with Rachel Maddow and Rachel Maddow. I was like, look, I, you know, as an ally over all these years, you said something in your book and we have to call you out on it. Oh, I did see that. I didn't see what happened. Is his name Buttigieg? Pete Buttigieg. Pete likes it in the Buttigach.

Pete is gay. Yep. And basically, he was the guy that should have run with Kamala. But Kamala passed on him because. because she's already an African-American female running against MAGA and having a gay guy go in there would just be double fuck yous from them and there'd be no way it would happen. Okay. And she literally tries to say that she didn't do that and talks full circle into saying, so yeah, that's why I didn't do it. Right.

It's wild. Because she put it in the book, which was funny. And she was going, like, now that's not what I meant. And it's the same reason why she didn't choose Shapiro because she was like, ah, it's not going to look good to have a Jew right now because of the anti-G. And so the Democrats just keep doing this identity thing that's like not working. And then they're having a no king's protest. You're going like, you know he's not a king, right? Yeah.

You know he was elected by 77 million people. Yeah. There's no kings elected by 77 million people. It's like, what is your strategy just to yell again? And also that people. You've been doing it for fucking 10 years. It's not working. People who are doing it, I don't even think I really care.

I was there during the last No Kings protest. I think it was in June. You went to one? Well, I was in Santa Fe, New Mexico, a show out there and I love state capital so Santa Fe is the state capital so of course they're doing the no king's protest outside the capital building so we just walked into it I was exploring the town I get a picture in front of the capital because I blow great autism so I get a picture in front of the capital and and so and we walked this no king's protest and I see this native

American guy who's like but he's trans like six foot in a dress like six four crazy you know thing and they go wild and then I was like oh I was like oh you're here at this you know King's protest and uh and they and he was like you know she she whatever he's like yeah and then i was like i was like you go trans and he was like oh yeah and i said you scalp it like you know like a joke and then he just laughed and gave me a high five and i was like oh see these these guys just either he's a paid actor and doesn't really want to be there or he nobody really gives a fuck because if you really cared like rachel maddow things you would be horrified at that joke but that's why i said it to just cause a confrontation because we're filming

people do get horrified at jokes though when you make them like that and you want to go come Yeah, I mean, listen, come on. Everybody, settle the fuck down. Everybody, shut the fuck. If you want to do what's right before you send a text, go to My Family Wizard. Put it in there and our family wizard, watch your to. Watch your tone, folks. If you're not on Our Family Wizard watching Ryan Sickler's YouTube, you better, before you comment on Ryan Sickler's YouTube special tomorrow night, you better put that comment into my family, our family.

Family Wizard app or we'll beat the shit out of you. I'll know if the tone's all. You will know, dude. Copy and paste it to my own. Dude, I swear to God, any. That's how I used to do it. And I'm not going to tell. I'll take her messages and paste the minute about it.

And I'm not telling my, by the way, I'm not telling my wife about this. I'm just going to utilize this tool. She doesn't listen to the podcast. I'm just going to utilize this tool right now. And then, dude, the tone back on every text is going to be on. I'm, I can't believe the weapon you just. It'll be toneless. Toneless, dude.

She's not going to, and if she still finds ways to get mad, then I will be able to tell a therapist, she's the problem, not me, as I suspect it all along. Exactly. She's the problem not me. That's what the Democrats need to understand. They keep going like, you know, it's fascist, king. You're going like, maybe it's you. Yeah. Maybe it's you.

Maybe you're the problem. Yeah. You know, you keep pointing at him, but you'll go like, maybe people don't like you. Yeah. It's like that friend that has no self-awareness that comes in and is like fucking tries to suck all the oxygen. out of the room and everyone stays away from his and then holds everybody else an asshole you're like maybe it's you you want to say to Democrats

maybe it's the trans person in the mirror there's man in the mirror maybe it's a trans in the mirror and then they keep trying every excuse like fucking Nazi thing and you're going like okay fucking you just call Stephen Miller's a Nazi but he's a Jew so then they go all right we got to figure out how he's a

Nazi you like he's a Jew though and then they go okay it's all just fucking white supremac and you're like 50% of Latinos voted for him you're like okay Sorry. And then you're like, more blacks voted for him than any other Republican in history. You're going, okay. He's a king.

He wants to be. Now the new thing is a king. It used to be Nazi. They're trying every fucking thing except just giving us a fucking viable candidate. Yay. Thank you. Thank you. It's also wild to just casually throw around Nazi on everything, too.

Like, what the fuck are you talking about? You can really throw it around now. You can. Yeah, yeah. You go, oh, there's one. And I'll tell you guys, you know, that's, yeah, you don't throw that around the Nazi. If you want to see real Nazi stuff, then what you do is you come over to my mother's place, I'll take you down to the basement. You got, we got some memorabilia from the family.

Do you? Here's a good one. My daughter, her grandma on her mom's side, passed away. And she was a hoarder, but of the best kind. She had silver, gold, humbles, you name it, everything. Awesome. What is it? to Savorowski or I don't even know this shit.

Yeah. And so she passes away and her mom has to go up and like clean the place out and they're going to all the shit and they fucking find a Nazi spoon. What do you mean a Nazi spoon? It's got the not the fuck. Wasika? Yeah. Wow.

On the spoon. She's selling? It's real silver. So I, uh, my daughter tells me. She's like, uh, mom found a like a Nazi thing on a spoon. I still. I was like, oh, your grandma had some Nazi stuff, huh? Yeah, yeah.

Tell me more. What else did you find? She's like, nothing, just that spoon. I was like, bullshit. That's probably the first thing out of the box. So they took it to the silver guy and he goes, we're just going to burn it down anyway. So he just burned it down and gave him the silver money. Yeah, but he had one.

Well, it could have been an Indian peace sign. That's where he got it from. It's actually the symbol for peace. Yeah. There's a lot of Catholic. There's a lot of Catholic churches that still have the swastika, like, in the flooring tile. One of my friends, one of my friends. peace side well one of my friends bought a uh a brownstone this is recently like a couple years

ago and was fully gut renovating it and behind one of the layers of wall the brownstone was built like in the early 1900s there's a huge swastick on the wall but it's it's the peace sign so it's like an indian family that was living there and it's it that Hitler just you know made it something that's not same thing with the same thing with the pirate cross and bones like you know like and that means like poison and like death that's that before the nazis that wasn't associated with that at all. It's just the Nazis had that was their flag when they were coming down to battle and they associated that with death.

And the Oriole on the Baltimore Orioles originally was just like a white supremacist son. Yeah. I'm totally making that up. I know you are. By the way, I want to say Baltimore Ravens best name, I think, in sports because they took

first of all, I love purple. They took and they took Edgar Allan Poe who wrote The Raven that what a great name. What a great name. And then embodied that with a defensive team that was, you know, dark and it was well done. Yes, they have a lot of black guys. He's grown in that area, right? He is.

I mean, I don't think he's born there, but he died there, he died there. He died there. I actually went, so we used to field trip. That used to be a field trip in school. We go to Edgar Allan Poe's grave, and I didn't know it at the time. I'm in fucking middle school. There's change all over the markers. I'm taking it all.

I'm taking it all. And just pot, and my friends are like, what are you doing? I'm like, it's fucking free. And then the fucking guy says, this is people's coins. Like, he didn't see me take it, but he's up in front of the group. And he's like, so the coins you're seeing everywhere, people's money, it's for good luck.

And then we'll take that at the end and we'll donate out. I was like, God damn. I'm over there just dumping it back out. Well, you dumped it on? Yeah. But they had old fucking, like, there's skeletons and shit in these little places. It's wild.

Now, the Baltimore Ravens, unfortunately, at this point in history, are playing awful. I mean, they're literally jets level. bad and they started out i mean possible super bowl favorites so i mean why how does that feel can you believe this it goes from the orioles in playoffs last year to dog shit which really was like oh fuck all right that's okay we got the ravens let's get through this long-ass baseball season we'll get to the ravens i saw this picture the other day it was about eight minutes left i think in the fourth quarter and we're winning by 15 and it's frozen on that time and it's at a

Imagine telling a Ravens fan at this point in the game, they're going to be one in five. And I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah. So, I mean, people want to blame the injuries, but I listen. This is the other thing. I've gotten so sick of the festival and the fucking Charlie Kirk and the Austin, L.A. comedy. I'm so fucking sick of everything. I have not listened to podcast.

I don't listen to anything. I go to the Odyssey app. and I listen to 1057 the fan local Baltimore sports radio smart that's what I've been doing dude I've been going that's what I do every day yeah every day what it's called to it and I walk this particular neighborhood for an hour every day but I walk to alleys so I can smoke my joints while I do because I'm respectful I don't want to walk your neighborhood sidewalk smoking my weed I go to the alleys and I just listen to local Baltimore guys call in do you remember Michael or the blind side Oh, sure.

Tackle. Our D-Corpsator is Zach Orr right now. Okay. These people will call him like, we need to fire Mike Orr now. And I'm laughing my ass off like, you got the wrong motherfucking thing. Right. And hot. Dude.

This is my comedy right now. This is what I listen to. And unfortunately, we're not listening to like we're number one and then this. And it is. Everyone's got to go back to local news. Local news. It is what we've all reached it because I do the same thing. Yonis said the same thing.

All of it. It's called being a white man of a certain. age. What that's what happens is you get a white man at a certain age. You're over your 40s. That's what I find myself doing. Like I had to drive two hours on Sunday had my whole family in the car and I've never done this. Normally I'll let my daughters listen to K-pop and the Demon Hunter soundtrack or Jasmine wants to listen to fucking 97.9 Omega or bad bunny or bad bunny and talk to you about it and you know all that. So and but I said you know what? I said this is my car. I make the car payments is we've got to sit in two hours of traffic. The giants are playing and I put on

on AM radio, and I let them yell and talk to me in Spanish. I said, go on your iPads. I don't give a shit. I'm listening to the game. And I let my family sit and listen to the Giants blow the game in the fourth quarter. And I said, this is what it is, girls. Oh, that's the one. And you know what's crazy? I'm going. Oh, yeah, it was awful just on Sunday. And what you know what's interesting, too, is there's something about just listening to the radio. By the end, by 20 minutes in, my whole family was listening to the game

when Jackson Dart through the interception, Jazz was going, shit, why did he do that? Why did he do that? Merto, Merto. No, no, be any tour. And so, and so I was like, okay, because, you know, if you go back to the basics of anything, like the power went out in a hotel we were staying at once.

Actually, where you got married, O'Hika Castle. We stayed there. I was doing a show at the Paramount, Long Island, and we were staying out there at this castle. I was with the family, and the power goes out. So we had books in my room, each. it's old school hotel and we sat down with literal like all we had was they had little candlelight that the hotel staff came and gave people and we read a book to my kids for like an hour and they

loved it they want they ask us every still to that there was three years ago read us a book read us a book so you know yes it's easy to give them the stimulation of the ipad and all that and i definitely do it but they want to go back to the basics listening to something on the radio comedy on the radio was the biggest thing ever and i bet you'll go back to that i bet you'll go back to that i bet you you if we put out a comedy skit on the radio, it would crush. I agree. My daughter's mother actually loves Brian Regan and just introduced her to Brian Regan. Well, he's my favorite comic.

I took her brother to see Brian Regan. I said, we're not asking favors. We're not doing any of that. We're going to the fucking theater. It was the Kodak, where they do the Oscars now. And I said, we're buying tickets like regular fans, and we're going to go sit. We're going to go watch Brian Regan. He was fucking great.

Crushed it. Gaff again, I've introduced her to. clean. Well, if we were talking about... She comes to the studio with me. She hears a lot of this. Dude, but we were talking about how, even though, like, you know, we can all be edgy and do that, clean is what... It's not even doing it for, you know, trying to sell more tickets. It's, like, actually what people want. Even people who are, R.H., who are used to depravity, they want to listen to the clean good stuff. Jesse and I were just talking to Sabrina Carpenter. You know, she's great, you know, sells out stadiums, sure. But, like, my daughter's, your daughter's same age, too.

She's going to see her next month That's what I'm saying So I took Delilah My daughter to see her And it was a great show But she's so Like hypersexual Sabrina Carpenter

Where it's like you know And then you're sitting there In Madison Square Garden With your young daughter You know And I'm trying to hide a bone Or I'm sweating And I'm like

What the hell am I supposed to do And and then you realize Well Taylor Swift though Is 10 times bigger than all of them Why? Because she doesn't hypersexualize anything And she's pretty clean Same thing with the comedians

Like it's not, I know some people do it for, you know, just to make money, but the people do it from a genuine place, they just move, that more people want to go sit there. I mean, even me, I'm 41. And there's times when it's just me and jazz in the car and like a rap song will just be like so over the top that we just change it. Because I'm like, I don't want to listen to shit. And there's no kids in the car, you know? I think that's an age thing. It's just an age thing. Because when you're younger, you want more charged stuff. Yeah, but now as we get older, I don't want. Well, also, we're the generation that grew up. without it, and then with it. Like, remember, if you remember, Tipper Gore was doing the parental advisory, that sticker, that made you buy the fucking album. You wanted to hear that shit. So we've been so conditioned to it. Like, the 60s, nah, Elvis in the 50s, all that. Like, they thought gyrating was a wild.

That wasn't really yet. Like, wet-ass pussy? Like, that's wild. That's what it is. Yeah, we're in a super... To go from, you know, there to there. That's crazy. Yeah, we got a super trans generation.

We got wet-ass pussy and column. bind. That's how it's how we grew up. Yeah. Supercharged, dude. Well, we've gone all the way at this point. Yeah. We've gone all the way with that. It's going to go back. I bet. I guarantee you to the wholesome shit is going to go back. I'm almost, I don't know when. I don't know if it's going to be next year, 10 years or now, but it absolutely will go. I think there's going to be a pushback on social media from maybe, maybe our grandkids generation. At some point, these people who've had it forever are going to be like, man, fuck this. Well, my fault in so many problems. And they're gonna be I'm all I'm getting off of my stepson doesn't have it he doesn't want it yeah he's like

doesn't want it or honestly 15 he doesn't want it but here's the irony like Sabrina carpenter is hypersexualized and she's too get cracked open yeah but the kids are also cleaner the kids are doing less right they don't drink as much they don't fuck as much they don't go out they don't go out so can't afford it yeah well they don't want to be out my stepson would rat he just sits home and he's he's not depressed that all he's fine He wants to be home. Yeah. What?

You're doing a good job. Yeah. So I don't know if it's that because when you think about it, it's like a lot of times the entertainment's clean, but the society's not great. Right. So sometimes it's like vice versa. Sometimes like hearing the dirty stuff when the society's good is like a escape. Do you know in local television in, you know, 1938 Germany, you could not curse or have anything. Couldn't show a nipple, nothing.

Yeah. So it's like that. Yeah. You know, it's like that. Then we've got to go back to that. Well. Yeah, whenever someone's like super clean or like super family-friendly,

I'm going like, that's not human. Yeah. So what's in the basement? What are you really? What are you doing? Yeah. Are you the BTK killer, James Rader? He was like really family-friendly, good father.

And you're like, what is really going on? Well, here's where we keep it friendly and clean here. But if you really want to hear debauchery, go to patreon.com says, history ain't as. That's where the real garbage happens. And you can be a real scumbag over there. You don't have to live in this filtered, clean world.

You could just be a real dirty piece of shit. Take your panties off. Go in with you. Yeah. Yeah, we just go in there and you just get a live video of me and Janus is sticking our fingers in our ass. Yeah. So at the end of every page, at the end of every episode, what we do is we read out the newest members of the matriarchy of our Patreon. And we read out the names and we always pick a winner.

So, Ryan, if you be our guest today, so you're going to help us pick a winner. I'm going to read out. Just the newest members, as many we could get through, the fan. You guys have been overflowing. You've been flooding the Patreon. So we are a few weeks behind our name. So just keep listening. You will hear your name.

But this is a champagne problem, as we call it. We have so many names to get through that it's tough to keep up. So keep listening every week. Patreon.com says history. You will hear your name being read out on YouTube. And you will also at Patreon get extra bonus content. That's wild off the rails. We just put up a great episode with Tom Feedback, AK Golden Retrieverhead.

So here we go. mom demarchus broke up with me please let me back in the house that's that's the first one so she's saying she's a man named demarcus right right off the bat funny but right it is a good one it's a good one we're going to Drexler it Thomas Thorne Jackson Thomas then we got Chris back that thing up before I push up on it so somebody's a gay kid okay then we got King of Harmony then we got syndrome of a down what do you think it's a good band name that's a I mean I mean of everything I'm here right now. So that syndrome of it down?

You're on the list. Okay. So then we got off the beam with Thick Daddy's cream. He's talking about Ryan's blood. Yeah. All right. We'll put him in there. Okay. So then we got call me 737. I got a few screws loose and suck the guy off. What does 737 mean, though? I don't know.

Okay. This one's going to go over our head and they're going to get mad at us over. Sorry about that. Ryan Sharon, Corey Montaignez. Then we got a sloppily cut piece. So he got a botched circumcision. I wonder when Jesse likes to say let's chicken figure that Chicken figure

Then we got Smithtown Floridated water Fluorinated water Floridated I guess fluoride fluoride fluoride right fluoride bit Okay

Jordan Spivak Then we got Chancellor of Rimjobs A.K.A. Shittler What do we think? Ryan likes that Okay okay Daniel

Then we got Justin TBW Joey Ryder 4L Then we got Ku Klux Crayon eater A.K. Nathaniel Bedford Forest Gump I think he's a Civil War General and Nathaniel Bedford. Okay, too much, but we

appreciate it. Appreciate it. Daniel, then we got stir my chalky milk with my glue gun ended up, nothing in Yahoo. Notting in Yoohoo? Notting in Yoohoo? Sorry. Sorry. It's a little, it's a verbose. All right. Joseph Jokum. Then we got a chicken figure. I think vinegar diesel.

Sure. Chicken finger. Yeah, why not? I think they got you on that one. No? It sounds like. It sounds like. Vinegar diesel? To a walk into one. Okay. He might have slipped one past me, too. Sometimes we do walked into ones where they'll put a name and they'll make me say something awful. And then walked into one and we don't acknowledge it.

And we just crossed their name out. Tony Turch, Jerome Roth. Then we got Osama bin Laden's broken VCR. I think that goes. Okay, on the list. Yeah. I meet Ramati. Then we got Make Europe Fumeless again.

P. Dunk 1776. Pedro Larios. Who keeps downloading and grinds? they're on my phone question mark list oh they go yeah thick list Ashton brum

then we got German kid here for the content is Schweist is Schweist It's what it is It's what it is yeah Jared Fogle's subway summer camp That's a good one We're going to Drexler up Okay then we got big mics

Little bikes for big tikes and little Kay walked into one Way song she ain't right Made me say that That is not okay Okay, guys. I apologize to our Jewish brothers and sisters. Yeah.

We walked into one. Nolan Mag. Dylan McComis. Then we got Yanni's famous asshole casserole. Then we got Wish My Wife was a Leroy, so when she played with my whole, I could say I got chicken fingers. Wow of 14. A Leroy is a black person. Walked into one.

Yeah. Walked into one. But God, it's so creative. Okay. That's what it is. Yeah. Toby, Melvin, Andrew Rosenberg. Jake Kennedy, Dutch of an Anne.

Walked into one. It's an Anne Frank. Horrific joke. That's a bad one about Anne Frank, and we don't condone that. Then we got Tassasolo Squeaky, Bricked Upstring Bean. Half Nelson, full Nelson, Father Nelson. Okay. Chrissy, would you rather watch a tree grow or... That's an old joke, by the way. No, no, no, the half Nelson. Do you know that joke?

No, half Nelson, full Nelson, Father Nelson. You get behind your buddy. Okay. Do you know, do you say this is a half Nelson? Right. And then you're behind him. Yeah. This is a fool Nelson.

And then you pump your dick against his ass and that's a father Nelson. That's what that is right here. That's an old. So that's an old school joke, but just know that that'll never win here because it's got to be original. Yeah. Jeff, no street jokes. This isn't an Amy Schumer comedy special. Jeff.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Just kidding. Just kidding. That was just a joke. Friendly fire. Jeff Rubino. Then we got Leroy on the beam. Call me Simone. Oh, Leroy on the beach, Simone Biles. Got it. Good one. Drexler.

And they're saying that this person is a Leroy that's on the beam. Yeah, so Drexler. Drexler. Yeah. Appreciate our black brothers and sisters listening. Yeah. Then we got fat, pregnant tits. Okay? Nice. Show them. Nice. I identify as a U.S. citizen Rodriguez. Put them on the list. Put them on the list. In my opinion, that's a contender. Nice, short, and sweet and funny. Yeah, that's what it is.

Christopher Dahlflag. Chrissy Cream Cheese, the half Italian full disappointment. Mike J. Unic in a tunic with ties to Munich. Fun, fun wordplay. Fun rhyme. Lazarus. Oh, Rose from the Dead.

Welcome. Uncle Ted's famous biscuits and baby gravy. Okay? That could be just a, it could be screwed in. Appreciate it. Then we got Tim Dillon Seafood Tower. Accidentally came in her ass. now expect to walk into one and that's

chance they split at all. Jesus fucking Christ. Just know you just know that we have record right here we're on video that I walked into that so you can't put that into our family wizard and use it against me. Yeah. Just know that you can't do that.

You can't submit that into our family wizard. We're going to start putting this through my family wizard. Yeah. Then we got left in the end. Chris he walked into it. Oh, get out of that. No, that. Don't do that. Then we got Alejandro Lero, Lero, Latin.

NX Colzos, Alex. Then we got Joel Ashburn Farms, LLC, screwed in. When we say screwed in, it means kids got his yahuas, screwed on tight, he's promoting his business. Like, you're screwed in here, promoting your spouse or you're screwed in. Thank you.

Muhammad, my foreskin, didn't stand a chance, Rashad. Funny. Kid, okay, kid got circumcise. Yeah. David, Travis Kruger, Dave Johnson, Wum Raider, Haye, Sheena, Travis Hogg, Big Gorilla Dick, A.K. Ding Dong.

Stephen Thomas Stamps. Muhammad and Muhammad Bean Disposal Service. Oh, God. Kay? No, not good. World War II, but make it gay? That would be fun. Yeah.

That would be fun. We're the Nazis. Yeah. Open. What's going on? I'm listing that. I like that. Yeah.

Look at a list. Okay. That's a fun, fucking, that would be a great musical. Gay World War II. Yeah. We're the Polish. Get out of here. Yes.

Here comes the French. Here comes the French. So then we got It's Only Gay If You Kiss Alfred Elon Wes Jean-Gien Big ugly fat waste of space You think we have enough

Should we do one more page One more page That kid's got low self-esteem Yeah Sarah Howley Then we got pop lock in it In my wife's panties Before I drill her

Call me Fumarian The B2K killer Decent Decent Good attempt Pop locking in my wife's Pannies before I drill her Might have been enough

He could have separated Sometimes people try to do too much Yeah Sullivan, then we got spending a few months at Buchenwald, a.kjewish Ozzympic. Okay. Okay. Okay. You see, they're bad, but they're created.

Yeah, Jess Car 20. Then we got Chrissy Cousy, the ground floor muzzie. Um, Rob Henley, Alex, Juan Mira. I think he just called that, he called it Jewish Ozempic. Yeah. Yeah. It's so fucking bad. Yeah.

Rishi Panchani, Cross Markham, Tyler Wagner, Layton, Chrissy and Chrissy and Dr. Cressie Sandtrade money. I don't know. David Ellis. Jesse Marble Jesse Marble's bust of Tim Dillon's Fupa. Ethan. Britain Wise. Tommy

Hilliard, Bill Clinton Diary. Brendan Calloway. Zoran's mom Downsme. Downsme's pretty good. Yeah, yeah. Drexler for that wordplay. FDS MMKR. Dennis Raiders of the lost roof. Decent. Yeah. Drexler. Yeah. Brett the shitman fart.

That is a chicken figure. I've ever heard one. Yeah. Tuck it back, Tony. Decimus Black. Liam Spellman. Matthew Peeler. Sean DeVisheezer. I start my day with a nice Brazilian horn muffin. Zuck is a frisbee fuck who takes muzzie glue and his poo-poo. Okay. K.K. Walked in the one. Yep. James Edwards. Then we got Shabbat. Shalom. I got Gaelite. Pussy.

picks on my phone. Galite? Galite. Geflite. G-E-F-F-Filta. Shit. So say it again? A bad read. Shabbat Shalom. I got Gafilta pussy pics on my phone. Very funny. Sorry about that. That was a victim of a bad read. That one goes in the list for me. That's on the list. That's on the list. That's funny? I love it. Yeah. Didn't get a good read because of my lack of education. I apologize. Richard the Lion Farts Fumes versus Saladin's sunny Kurd-Turds. Good. Good. Good. From our episode. Saladin, yep. Crusade episode. episode, Sarah Deems, Chrissy D. Hotel Washcloth, a.k.k.a. Rachel Dolezol? I said that I would put a white washcloth in my ass and clean the shit out, and they said

that that is Rachel Dolazol, which is white. White washcloth, and it turns it black. That's so good, but it's inside, but we're putting it on the list. Put it on the list, yeah. That is a chicken finger that just gets on the list. Then we got Theo Vaughn's Pet Raccoon, my piece in your skin fleece, Leonard Leroy, A. A. K. Spock with the Glock. Arith, my dick. Penis Guy Trap. Carl Nehuls.

Paul Andre Bonaville. Austin Blackstone. Anthony Fox. Brandon. Mike Hunzer. Chrissy Hemroyd Scratcher. Hey, Bert's mom. Worn out glue gun holster.

Oh, Jesus. Sorry about that. And then we got two from last week. Glegoon holster. Yeah, sorry about that. Then we got two that we missed from last week. We got Lou Pohl. like Lou Pohl but it's Lou Pohl

Last name And then we got Mark Leaky Roof Rufelow Big Got it That's what it is So those names So that is our list So we do have Albeit I'm going to say

Not the strongest list we've ever had But we do have Can I just say this? Yes I think Wornout Glugon Holster Could make it into the lexicon As a pussy that's been used too much

Worn out glugon colst Colst It's very funny Okay so here's the list I identify as a U.S. citizen Rodriguez. What do you think? Are we keeping that around? Now we do the keeping them around or we got to get rid of some

because we got to narrow it down to one. Do I have to do it right now? No, no, no, hear him out. I identify as a U.S. citizen Rodriguez, World War II, but make it gay. I like that. Kabat Shalom. I got the filter pussy picks on my phone.

Chrissy D. Hotel Washcloth, a.k.a. Rachel Dolesal. These are Goodwoods. Syndrome of a Down. Chancellor of Rimjobs, aka Schittler. Osama bin Laden's broken VCR, who keeps download and grind her on my phone? Yeah, these are great. Okay, okay?

These are great. This is going to be tough. I think Syndrome of a Down is the first one we get rid of. Syndrome of a Down doesn't hold it. Okay. Now, what do we think of Osama bin Laden's broken VCR? I think Jesse exclusively loves that. Well, he had porn on it.

You get a lot of porn tapes. I know. What do you think? Does it hold up on this list? No, no. But great, though. Any other day? Chancellor of Rim Jobs, aka Schittler?

I mean, that's solid. That's solid. Keep it around for now. Okay. Who keeps downloading grinder on my phone? This is one of my faves. Okay. So that...

Then we have Shabbat Shalom. I got to fill the pussy pics on my phone. I love that one. I do too. Yeah, we keep that. This is going to be tough. Chrissy D's Hotel Washcloth, a.k. A.K. Rachel Dollazole.

Got to keep that around. Around. Even though it's inside, we got to keep it around. World War II, but make it gay. See, I love that one, but that seems like the weakest. I don't know if it holds up. Yeah. Great sketch idea. Now, I identify as a U.S. citizen, Rodriguez.

I love that one. What do we think, Ryan? Stay, stays. Okay, so here we go. We got a four-way off. So now we got, I identify as a U.S. citizen, Rodriguez. Chrissy D.S. Hotel Washcloth, A.K. Rachel Dole is all. About Shalom, I got a filter pussy pics on my phone.

Chancellor of Rimjobs, aka Schittler, or who keeps downloading and Grindr on my phone? I, two. The two would I would vote for to Drexler would be the last two. The Schittler and the Grindler. What do we think of that? That's what I would... Because we have a lot of gay ones, so Grindr is good. It's funny, but it's kind of like in Asians

our bad drivers joke at this point for this podcast. It's got to really blow your mind. And that's a great joke, but we've had so many grinders, so many gay ones. Then that, taking that into consideration, it's got it. And Chancellor of Rim Jobs, A.K. Schittler falls into that category. It's also a shit joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good stuff.

Good stuff, though. Not knocking it. It's just a tough. It's tough competition. Now we have three left. It is identified as a U.S. I identify as a U.S. citizen, Rodriguez, spending a few, I'm sorry, Chris E.D. Hotel Washcloth, a.k.a. Rachel Dollazol, or Shabbat Shalom, I got the filter pussy picks on my phone.

That's the one that's crazy. This is what I'm going to say. We have the LeBron James. We got the Drexers. We got the Jordans. Drexers are the ones that are almost good, but they were just, they were around better ones. Jordan. He was the heir of Jordan. Then we got the LeBron James. They come out early in the list and they live up to the hype. This is when we're in this situation, this is what you call an Olympic Games. situation right everyone's going home with a medal these are three medalists you're all winning but there's got to be one gold but everyone here desert could

win the gold right these are three agreed good ones so who do you like right give me one more time I identify as a U.S. citizen Rodriguez Chrissy D's Hotel Washcloth a.k.a Rachel Dahl is all Shabbat Shalom I got the filter pussy pics on my phone

the third one Rodriguez and Guilta Fisher my final two for me for me and I think out of those two, going back to what you guys said about trying to do too much, which I'm going to go with, I identify as a U.S. citizen Rodriguez. Okay. What do you guys take? Jesse, what are we thinking?

Yeah, I'm giving the washcloth, the gold medal, just because that one just is so funny and creative to me. But I am with Ryan. I think I identify as, that's just such a good one, too. So I'm going to go with Ryan there. Yeah. Okay. Nick?

I like a filter fish. and Rachel Delazzo. You like that? Yeah, because... This is a torn vote. And because Nick can't... It's what you call a hung jury. And Nick can't vote

for a name he created, which is I identify as you as a citizen of Rodriguez. Right. Yes. What do you like? I got to be honest, and it's because of my Spanish brothers and sisters, as you know, I do run a Spanish household.

I like I identify as a U.S. citizen Rodriguez. It made me laugh. I think it's a chicken finger that's also a winner. Then that's what it is. My vote doesn't matter. Yeah. Oh, really? Is that?

Yeah. I don't know. I think it's one, two, three. Yep, all right. That's what I like. Because I like a filter fish. It made me laugh the hardest butt. So congratulations.

If you go to history an is pod.com or history an is back.com. You are the PPW, the pseudopinous of the week. You are the winner. I identify as a U.S. citizen Rodriguez. Congratulations. Good one. Go watch Ryan Sickler-S.- What do they win?

Can I ask you? Well, so we're supposed to be sending them shirts, but we're a little backlogged on that. So we get their name-up and lights on our website. And then I think what we're going to do. We've got to send them their shirt. What we'll do is like at some. point we'll do a year at end of the year kind of and then we'll figure out who's the ppW which is pseudopetus of the week of the year of the year and then maybe they'll get a

shirt yeah maybe they'll get all the shirt everybody's shirt that's a really hard list to do yeah they're all winners so Ryan where could people see the special the YouTube talent give them all the info all right tomorrow streaming live on my YouTube 9 p.m. Eastern 6 p.m. Pacific I'll be live in the comments join me for that go watch the honeydew go watch the way back and I'm Ryan Sickler.com and Ryan Sickler on all your social media And when you're commenting on there live

You run every comment through our family wizard And you watch your goddamn tone You let me know you're there from history hyenas And you're respecting your tone Yeah, that's what it is