History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - Xi’s Batman Origin Story | History Hyenas

Episode Date: November 20, 2025

Chris and Yannis go BALLS DEEP into the wild modern history of China—where ancient dynasties meet Communist chaos and daddy issues shape geopolitics. Strap in and strap on as the boys break down the rise of the CCP, the bloody changing of the guard, and how a young Xi Jinping went from the son of a top official… to a kid watching the Party purge his father, destroy his family, and send him to the countryside to shovel literal Communist doo-doo. But here’s the hyena twist: Instead of rejecting the system that wrecked his childhood, Xi ran toward it, climbed inside it, and wrapped himself in that big red blanket like a trauma-bonded panda. The bros explore the political psychology, the historical insanity, and the generational trauma that may have shaped one of the most influential leaders on Earth. This one’s wild. Support our sponsors: http://lucy.co/hyenas Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to https://RocketMoney.com/HYENAS today. https://bluechew.com Give and get timeless holiday staples that last this season with Quince. Go to https://quince.com/hyenas for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. #Comedy #Podcast #History Join our Patreon at 👇 https://www.patreon.com/historyhyenas/ Subscribe to the poddy woddy Our YouTube!: https://bit.ly/2ARdDOz HH Clips:https://bit.ly/2YaK2Z8 iTunes: https://apple.co/2UQTHCc Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fxtsc0 Follow us Cuz! 🙆🏻‍♂️ Yannis Pappas Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Website - https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/ 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🐕More Hyenas Website: www.historyhyenasisback.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/historyhyenas/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoryHyenas Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/historyhyenaspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Give it up for Chicago. Sebastian Manuscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st. 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos? Complete nerd. Bezos now? Rip the shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming!

Sebastian Manuscalco, It Ain't Right. Premier's November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply. What's up, everybody? We got a great episode for you today. Today we're going to be talking about the history of China, Mao, Deng, and King President Xi. It's a really good one. We're going to find out that we need to be communist. Yes. And we're also going to talk about, I got a puppy. That too. Yeah. Catch me in Bozeman, Montana, November 22nd, Stanford, Austin, West Nyack,

San Francisco, Calgary, Detroit, Morris Plains, New Jersey. Cute. And I will be this weekend, this Friday and Saturday, Houston, Texas at the Punchline, Houston. And then Sunday doing the Paramount Theater in Austin, Texas. So I will be Chrissy, Texas. And then December 31st, New Year's Eve at the Count Basie Center for the Arts in Red Bank, New Jersey. Come celebrate your New Year's Eve with me, chrisdecom or history hyenas is back.com. Enjoy the episode. You're going to want to sit on the floor for this one.

Patreon.com slash history hyenas for bonus content. Right. Yeah, but this is the problem. Oh, whoa. You're right, Bubba? Whoa. Whoa, somebody's been eating cookies. Here's the point.

I mean, look at this. Oh, look at that. Can you close the door? Because I'm saying some controversial shit. I mean, I wish the camera wasn't rolling, right? Welcome to History, Hyenas. Hopefully you just saw me fall off the chair. It's not because I'm fat.

It's because the old producer Patty Clips is fat and sat and broke the chair. You are a guy. Welcome to the show. Welcome to the show. You're a guy who's just big. You're a big guy. I'm a big guy. You're six for one at least.

Yeah, I'm a big guy. And because I don't appreciate that we're trying to keep me healthy here and on the beam. I told you was off the beam. And then you gave me a peanut butter cookie. I did not give you a peanut butter cookie. I said, let's have two peanut butter cookies. I didn't specify who they were for. Yeah, and then I said, let's get three.

And then you said, let's get three. What I did is called Enabled. You enabled. I enabled. Yes. Your sponsor would say you can't hang out with that guy anymore. Yeah, you're an enabler with a capital N. Yeah.

As a bar is to an alcoholic, I am to a chocolate cookie. It's what it is. I wanted that peanut butter cookie because I had a hunch because I saw a little, I saw a little kosher sea salt sprinkled on. And I was in a Jewish mood. Yeah, and that cookie was banging. And Jesse, Jesse the Jews in here on the ones and twos. And Nick is in here.

Nick Clips is in here. And don't you think Honey Bunny that I don't notice? You got a haircut. You got the side-shaped, nice and tight. What you decided to do is go bald on the top and bald on the size. When you support the show at patreon.com slash history highness, just know that when we reach a certain number, we will be buying Nick Hems. We will maybe send him to Turkey so the kid can get a full mullet because right now he's got a substitute teacher pedophile mullet. It's what it is.

Bald on the top and party in the back. And if you want, don't, and don't be mad at us that Nick is on Snap Bennett. because we've seen your Patreon comments be mad at him because he's gaming the system he's taking your tax money for snap to feed his snap mouth also nick is not a producer he's our freelance clip guy yes he's a freelance clip guy yeah jesse is well paid yes don't you worry about it jesse's well paid jesse is not on snap yeah he's not on snap it's fine but people are what the fuck their producers on snap benefit yeah it's what it is no no nick meant snap chat he's on snap sending dickpicks to minors.

It's on Snapchat is what he is. Now, because today we're going to talk about, let's just be honest with the people what happened. Yeah. Today, you texted me yesterday and said, let's do an episode on Mao Zedong. So I did a bunch of research on Mao Zedong. And then this morning, you said,

did you look up stuff on Xi Jinping? I said, you said Mao Zedong. And I did say, Mao, unfortunately, what we did find out is not only do Chinese people look like in person, but they also look alike on paper. Yes, their names look alike. They look alike. I mean, because you're lucky I didn't do two hours of research on ding-dongs.

Because, I mean, you might as well have done research on Bruce Lee. Who knows? Who knows? Who cares? Lucy Lou will get cracked open. She will be cracked open because Asians don't age like other women. White women, unfortunately, when they're 40, they look 80, Asian women always just look 32. Lucy Lou will get her poop slurp with chops.

She will get slurped up. She will get punched through. She will get cracked open and cleaned out. It's what it is. I'd like to put a little duck sauce on her butt. Yes. She ain't. Because you're just a duck sauce kind of guy. I like duck sauce. And also now, as I spoke to you yesterday, we'll just tell the people, I went and got myself a puppy. Not only did he get a puppy, he went and got one of the breeds that are the most difficult, even for experienced dog owners to own. It's called a Siberian Husky. I think they're the fifth or six closest dog breed to a wolf. It's what it is. And it's a girl.

It's a puppy girl. And we named her Josephine. Because now, do you know anything about Siberian Husky? I know nothing except that they're from Siberia. So I put a little vodka in its ball. Did you check ChatGBT at all for some of the traits of a Siberian Husky? Yeah. And we tried to do everything ChatGPT said.

And this thing was up all night last night. And I'm tired. It is cute as a button dog though It's cute as a button Let me just say to my fans right now To Chrissy's fans Our fans Every fan out there of any other podcast

Anyone in the world This message is going out to you Please do not get a Siberian husky Unless you're a fucking Escobo Yeah Please do not get a Dalmatian Unless you are a fucking firehorse Yeah

These things are bred for endurance They're not bred for loyalty They're not bred for the house This thing needs to be walked For fucking three miles You got to walk this thing to Florida for it not to chew up your fucking house. I know, because it's what it is. And I also, you asked me what did Chachy-B-T said.

And Chachy-B-T told me to just get electric cables and shock this thing. Loud of 14. That's unfortunately what pit bull breeders do in the inner city. Yeah, I mean, because this dog is cute, cute, and it poops and peeps and peas everywhere. But I got to be honest with you, I thought I was very against it. I said, I don't want to have a dog, blah, blah, blah. But after just one night, I'm like, I love this thing. it's a little Josephine and we had let me

because we were told it's a girl but it looks like it might have a piece so I don't know if I have hyena I might have you know how like they have the trans Siberian orchestra I might have a trans Siberian husky it's very possible it's possible I mean because look here let me show you a picture

of its pus was it bread in Portland we'll send it to the group but tell me I mean I think that this is I think this is a La Puss but my family now thinks that it might be a piece now do you feel like the dog is cute do you like looking at the dog

Yeah, I do like looking at dogs. Is that a push or is that a piece? No, that is a pus. Okay. That's a push. She's just got an outy. Yeah, it's what it is. That's all she is.

She's just got lips. She's just got dumberlip. Because I threw it into Chachiboutin and said it looks like a guy. Because your dog's piece looks like roast beef sandwich. It's what it is because my dog's got a wide-send vagina. Yeah. And we had, and then two dogs came over and I sent you that text. There was a moment, there was an hour of my life yesterday where I thought I went from having no dogs to, in the snap of a finger,

having two Siberian husky puppies. No. And I was just accepting the fact that now it was a prank. My family told me that we're getting both dogs, but they actually wanted dogs for another family. And then we kept our dog. But for an hour there, I said to myself, what just happened? But then I started to calm myself down and breathe and say, hope is my heads. Hope is my hedge facts of my proof. I'm already winning because I said to myself, you know, I've been in this situation before. I mean, I went from one night being a bachelor, having no kids, to overnight having a woman pregnant

with a kid who had a kid. So I went from having no kids to one and a half kids like that. So I said if I can do that, I can have two Siberian Husky puppets and just throw them in the bathtub. Yeah, look, there's very few things I love more than dogs. Ethan Hawk.

Ethan Hawks up there. It's very possible to have a great Siberian Husky, but it is not possible unless you really work that dog. Yeah. It's built for endurance. They are very independent thinkers. They have a high prey drive. It's going to try to kill anything that moves. Escape artists, too. They escape artists. They want to roam. They want to roam. She's a puppy and she already tried to run after a deer. Yeah. They're independent thinkers with high prey drives. They're not really built for like obedience or people pleasing.

No. They're more negotiators. He's going to whine a lot. They go, oh, they howl. They how shit. Yeah. Yeah. They whine at you. They're going to eat up your furniture. She whined all night last night. They're very independent. Yeah. Probably the last breed you want to get if you're a first-time dog owner. And it's just what it is. And it's probably, I can't think of a dog that last of the list for a first-time dog owner.

Well, it's just what it is because with me, I either go hard or I go home. And I decided to go hard. Yeah. Me and Sergio were together when you texted me that. We were eating a diner. Because you did a little boxing. Yeah. We did a little boxing.

And we just both started laughing. Yeah. We both just started laughing again. Is he joking? said, no, I think he's serious. He sent the picture, and we both just started laughing and said, what is wrong with that kid? Did his head get dinged up? It got dinged up. Yeah, well, they decided, and they threw you in. They threw me in, and the dog has beautiful blue eyes, and the only thing that calmed it down

last night was playing the Russian National Anthem. And I pumped that puppy in on Spotify. I swear to God, let me see if I have it. I pumped that, this thing was crying, crying, like you couldn't freak. Oh, Jesse remembers when Jesse had his pup, he told me once. that he was this close to putting in his sock and throw it out the window. Dude, it's crazy. And then I threw the time. Because you guys got hearts. I swear, I threw that on. This was a joke and it fell asleep.

And it fell asleep, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's what you call. That dog is a loyalist nationalist nationalist. Now, what is your dog, Jesse? I got a little wiener dog now. Okay. A great city dog for it. But you got him as a puppy? Yeah, she's a puppy. Yeah, we got her at like eight weeks old.

But before that, he had like a fucking ridgeback mix or some shit. You had to give it away? No, no, no, I kept him. But, yeah, in the beginning, I was really at my... Well, because this, my puppy is six weeks old. They said, really, it should be with its mother till eight or nine. Eight weeks, yeah, eight weeks. Six weeks is, I don't know, because they, uh, a litter, they, uh, some jazz knew someone

who got a litter of puppies actually out in L.A. So they just got left at an adoption center. Yeah. So they sent a video and then jazz got hooked. I can't believe you got a Siberian. And then next thing you know, I'm dropping freaking $800 to put this dog on a plane with a pet nanny. and flew it in from L.A. And then, I mean, because what are you going to do?

The thing is, too, is like, yeah, I would have stopped it. I would have stopped it if I didn't, you know, if it was up to me, I would have been like, no, I know it's cute, whatever. But when the dog is already in the house, when you get home from your shows in Philadelphia, and my daughter, Delilah was hysterical crying on the floor from happiness. So what am I going to do? Just invest in a trainer, dude. Get yourself a good dog.

But then they said, Siberian Huskies, you have to bond with it yourself, they say. You need to walk that thing, and when I mean walk that thing, Miles. I mean miles, dude. Jog with it, maybe. Miles, yeah, jog with it, walk with it, train it. But the most important thing is walk with it. And when I need walk, not around the block.

Right. You got to take that thing hiking. It'll never be enough. Right. And then in the summer, you have to be really careful. You have to, you know. Why ticks? No, no.

They're like double-coded. They're Arctic dogs. Right. When it's 40 degrees outside, that thing wants to sleep outside. Right. So it's, uh, So you're saying when it's 95 degrees, you've got to blast the AC for that baby. You got to blast the AC.

You got to, you can't like walk it crazy in like 90 degree weather. You've got to do early in the morning. When it starts panting, just no Siberian Husky, when it starts panting hard, just like you got to get it back in a cool air. Yeah, like today and I'm trying to do the trick. It's an Arctic dog. The tricks that I'm having a St. Bernard. Like in the summer, they're just going to be like, which is good because the summer it's going to be laid out. Layed out.

Just chilling. Just laid out. Like today it went to go poop on the, it went to go poop on the carpet and I moved it. and it poofed right on the wee-wee pad because I said for a couple of days just have a wee-wee pad before we go outside and then I rewarded, I took the chew toy and I stuck it up at sass.

That's what you got to do. Yeah, and it liked it. The dog breeds, look, you can have a great, you're just going to have to work really hard. Right. This could turn out great. Yeah, you're going to have to work really hard. Now, Josephine's a fun name, right?

It's a very fun name. Yeah, old school fun name. Nick liked it. I had a Bessengi. There's a couple breeds. These breeds are like ancient breeds or they're closer to wolf. I had one. Me and Jesse, we had that Bessengi.

living hell. I mean, it was tireless, but eventually I cracked it. Eventually, it became kind of a good dog with, but the drive was, the prey drive and the endurance was, it's not enough to just let it go run around the yard. You have to walk it. And you can't just walk it. You have to like, you have to like marathon walk with that thing. Right. Those things are like, at least because we'll get our steps in now. Yeah. It's great for that reason. Yeah. I mean, for a first time, First-time dog owner, I recommend to you a nice little lab. Yeah.

People, pits have a bad reputation. A nice, if you get a pit puppy, it's great. I recommend those types of things for first-time dogs. Yeah, instead I got an actual greyhound wolf. You got a wolf. Yeah, I guess what I did is, I got a wolf. Yeah, I mean, you know, people, you know,

Chinese people, they get chow-chows. If you want, if you want one of your relatives to get bit, go ahead and get a chow-chow. Get a wolf. Don't get one of those Chinese things that's going to bite your fucking arms because it doesn't play that capitalist game. Yeah. It's what it is.

Get a wolf. Now, I know that our Chinese audience, listening to this, is getting hungry with all this dog talk. That's why we're going to go in. Don't forget about the Koreans as well. Oh, the Koreans, they like it. Yummy, yummy, yummy in your tummy. Yeah, because if I, if any of our Korean fans ever come over and you put a little kimchi on my dog, I'm going to get upset. That's why it's very difficult to invite your Chinese friends over also without putting your dogs in the garage.

You have to just, you have to just, there's no dogs here. Yeah, it's just, you got to keep. Yeah, I'm not going to have Bobby Lee come over. No, you cannot, not while the dog is there. No, no. Yeah. So, because I did all the research on Mao Zay Ding Dong. But here's the good news.

Xi, Mao, what's the difference? True. And we're not meaning it to be racist. Just call him Mao Xi Ding Dong. Right. So tell me about Xi Zhang Un. Right? Xi Zhang Un and Mao sucks tongue.

Now, let me ask you, does Xi Zhang Un also play for the Dodgers? He also does. Yeah. Yeah. Those are Japanese. They're all different out there. They're all different. They all different.

And they can tell the difference. A Mongolian knows what a Chinese is. Chinese knows what a Korean is. And Ali Wong knows what a Vietnamese is and what a Chinese is. Right. But we don't. Just like they don't know the difference between the Romanian, Hungarian, Greek, or Italian. Yeah.

Now, do Zijong, does he, would he like to see us Americans, would he like to see us in boiling hot water? Does he not like Americans, or do you think he does? There's only one American he likes. Donald Trump? Donald Trump? No, no, he did not like him. Hassan Piker. That's his favorite American right now.

Assam Piker is in China, doing a nice little tour about how great he is, and he got, somebody gave him Mao's Red Book or whatever, a little book. Hassan Piker's with this guy right now? He is in China. He's doing a tour of China, and he's talking about how great it is. Interesting. He loves it. Okay.

So I think that is his favorite American, and that's just what it is. Got it. So we're going to take you today down a trip down memory lane. We're taking you down the Rari Pop. We're going to be the Rari Pop kids. We're going to do a little. We're going to go down in the Rari Pop Lane. We're going to take a little trip.

It's nothing funny that those L's becoming ours. Just what it is. It's just what it is when Rari comes over. Your mom's dog's name was Rari? Rari. Rari. Rari. So what did you learn about Mow? And then we'll tie him in his Z because it all really starts with Mow and the Civil War that was won by Mow and his friends in Red.

Well, what a fun little fact I learned about Mow is he lived to 82 years old. But a fun little fact I learned about him is he never believed in brushing his teeth. Instead, he would just wash his mouth out with tea. Wow. Yeah. So he never brushed your teeth. So that tells, because a lot of people yell at me that I don't brush my teeth enough and I don't floss. And I say, well, if Mao Zedong lived to 82, so can I.

Yeah. Mow Zedong was what I understand. He was a little bit of a control freak. He didn't like to drink, but he loved when people drink alcohol around him because I like to watch people. Mow Zay Dung actually was born in 1893 and he was the first pick of the Houston Rockets. He was the first pick of it. He was Yau Seatong. Yeah.

So, no, but what I found about him is he's credited with founding the Chinese Communist Party, the CCP. Yeah. goes back to mouth. He's basically China's George Washington. Yeah. What happened was some of the Zionist Marxist propaganda made its way all the way to the Asian part of the world. It's just what it is Zionist Marxist propaganda Revolutionary Army or as I just call them Nick.

So Nick Clips. Because there's no way that Karl Marx and Frederick Noglons weren't at least latent homos. Just two guys with families that like hang out a lot. They both had a little mind and they just hang out and like talk about the modes of production. Those were a couple guys that had a few

late nights under the candlelight that at least touched fingers or maybe smushed on the mouth. It's hard to come up with some of the ideas that Marks and Engels came up with without the only way that those kind of thoughts popped your head is typically usually after the epinephrine

chemical release after sex with a guy. Yeah. There's no question. That's no question about that. Usually and that's science, that's when your brain really is firing the most, is when you're removing your penis from a man's ass, you start to come up with ideas about society and communism and socialism. That's what happened in a lot of the

ancient Greek thinkers. Yes, exactly. This is a known fact. This is a known fact. This is why you come to the show to give you a couple of facts that you may not get in a history book. There's no questions. Karl, Marx, and Frederick Engels at least cuddled, but definitely made it cornhold. And look at this.

And Marx and Engels, I mean, now they just look like two hipsters in Brooklyn who own a sandwich shop. That's what they look like. That's just what it is. That Nick would go to. Yeah. So the revolution happens in China. Karl Marx's Communist Manifesto gets big there and they overthrow, they overthrow the, what is it, the king, the queen dynasty?

Yeah, go back. What was it? History of Mao Zedong. Yeah. We had it pulled up. Yeah, I was thinking it I think it was the... I think it was all the way to the left. Yeah. There it is. One more. There is a solution. Yeah. So... Yeah, I think it was the king. Yeah, the queen. How do you pronounce that? Ching Kwee Sik.

Yeah. They had a little Chinese civil war. They had a little civil war. The communists win. And then he takes power and some people get purged. Unfortunately, people get purged. Now, you were explaining to me what a purge is because I only know the purge of the movie. Yeah.

But you said what a purge is what they would do is they would take you. If you were in opposition to them, they would take you out and basically just embarrass you and torture you in front of your friends and family, right? Like a little show? Yeah. When people want to know what a purges, I'll tell you the definition. It's when Ethan Hawking and his family. is in a house and people decide that they need to kill someone in order to keep the society happy. So once a year on Halloween or whatever, they just purge a guy. And Ethan Hawke protects

his family in his home. Yeah. And that's what a purge is. Yeah. And it happened in China and it just keeps happening. It just keeps happening. The purge one was great with Ethan Hawke. The purge two absolutely sucked. Same thing as Black Call 2. Black Phone 2. Yeah. But we will get Ethan Hawke on the podcast. Did we post that clip yet? We have it yet. Yeah. That's going to be a good one. so yeah so actually it was called a struggle session is what the what the name for it was a struggle session go up jesse because what it would do is if you if you go up uh down how it works so they would accuse you that's what i call sitting through some comedian stand-up it's what a struggle session or or time rape yeah yeah yeah it's just what it is yeah yeah yeah so act the red guard

groups the you know chinese uh would go on to be the ccp would identify these targets mostly teachers, intellectuals, you know, the smart people. People that were talking, truth to power, whatever. People who like to have opinions. People like to have opinions, yeah. So this is why, this is why, you know, women weren't safe back then. So public display, you know, it's like, I understand it's your opinion you want a Siberian Husky, but I don't know if it's best for the family. But here we are.

Forced to stand, so the public display was, the victim was brought before the crowd, and they were often forced to stand in painful positions, made to wear placards listing their crime, and paraded before spectators. I mean, honestly, it just sounds like, dude, stand-up. It sounds like just a crowd war comic. What I love about all the communist revolutions is they do a bunch of stuff like this, and the excuse is always we have to protect ourselves

against Western propaganda. Sure. And then you just accuse this person of, like, having Western thoughts or being a vehicle for Western propaganda, and then you could just do with him whatever you will. Whatever the hell you want. It's always just a little, suspicion that you watched one episode of MASH. Yep. And then you're out. And they would,

and they would say down with, you know, they were physically harassed them, verbally harassed them, tell people to confess your crimes. It's like in Game of Thrones and they were shaming you. Yeah. And they were throwing like the shit at you. What were they saying? What were they, what were they called? What was that group called? They were called the religious persecutors of Game of Thrones. They were called Mondami voters. Yes. Yeah. That's what they were called. They were called Social Democrats, progressives. Yeah. It's make no mistake. That's the mob that's coming. and we just got to wet their beak and keep them out of our foyer.

It's what it is. Yeah. They would pray, then they would force you to confess. Admit wrongdoings, renounce your past beliefs, praise now on the party, and accuse others creating the chain purges.

So that's what it is, because I like to just wear a nice little gold chain, but these guys like their chains made of purges. Yeah. So communism took over. Because you got the sleeves rolled up today like you're a Kinniki from Greece. No,

they're not rolled up. It's just, because you're just getting jacked. I think I'm just, Are you getting biceps? Is your arm getting fat again? I think I'm getting fat. Have you lost any weight since last week?

I'm down to 216. Oh, so you're back? Three pounds down, but I fluctuate so much. But I'm on the road. I need to get back to 205. So did you get down to 216 because you'd have a pizza-free weekend? I did have a pizza free weekend. See, that's what happens.

Pizza is what gains all the weight. It's really a big problem. Yeah, yeah. Which is, it's ironic because we're the only country I think in the history of the world where our poor people are fat. Right. It's usually the opposite. And the rich people are.

skinny. Rich people are skinny and the poor people are fat. What it is. Yeah. So it's not a question. If you're poor in this country, there is food. 100%. There is food. I'm not saying that that's enough to provide dignity, but I'm saying that is unique that I think you live right now in a country unlike before, where if you are poor, you can't go to the dollar menu. Of course, the food is going to kill you eventually. But for that day, for that day, you have fun. And then they just, all the studies out just came out yesterday. And now it's all. all the big news today that they found what they really believe to be the link

to colon cancer in the youth, it's ultra-processed food more than anything else, more than meat, more than cheese. Ultra processed food is the absolute 100% link to it all. Now when you say ultra-processed food, do you mean Jews? Yes. I mean, I can't be a cause that's not

Jewish. It's very hot on the internet right now. Yes. Yeah. We're going to tell you what that ultra-processed food was right after this break. Cousy, let's talk about my favorite nicotine product. I'm like Tucker Carlson. I love nicotine. I think it's as good as apples. I love it. I love a little Lucy in my mouth. This is a way. It's like a lucy in my pussy. That's it what it is. This is a nice way to have another woman in your mouth and your wife are going to get mad at you. She's not going to get mad. It's 100% pure nicotine. Always tobacco free.

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Go to rocketmoney.com slash hyenas today. That's rocketmoney.com slash hyenas. Rocketmoney.com slash hyenas. Okay, we're back. The answer is shoes. They're kind of behind everything on the internet right now. Yeah, right? So we got to just go with the trends, because.

With the trends, yeah. Or either we just got to be, just go with the trends. They're behind it. They're just behind it. Yeah. Yeah. So, I think they're even, I think they're behind Mom Dami. Yeah.

I'm not kidding, because I chatchee P-Ted yesterday. Give me some examples of ultra-processed food. And I swear to God, the number one thing that ultra-process food said was Pop-Tarts. And I was eating a Pop-Tart. I was mid-chew of a pop-tart that my daughter didn't finish. And it was number one on the list. So it's just what it. it is. But a lot of breads and stuff, a lot of things that you don't realize are ultra-processed. Even some of our

protein, like all the protein you put in, what a great example of a reversal food, though, is Fagia yogurt 0% which you said you've been eating. I've been eating that. That's big. So we want you to know, if you're a first-time dog owner, do not get a husky. Do not get a chow-chow. Do not get a Dalmatian. Also, tell your doctor that you have some stomach pains. Go get yourself a colonoscopy. Yes. And try to eat less processed foods. because all the evidence is pointing to processed foods being the cause of all the polyps. That's what it is. And also get yourself a little cillium husk fiber. Yes. Get it going. Get it following.

Yes. We are a health podcast as well. That's what it is. And I've got to be honest with you. And I hope we have the footage, me falling off the chair because one of the legs broke. I do actually think I sprained my wrist. So Fatty's going to get a lawsuit. So Mao came from Mao himself.

came from like a solidly hardworking agrarian like middle class family he had more than most yes he was a tough guy and so communism takes hold in china but it's not really working no as it normally doesn't yeah and we say that buses can't be free it's not really going good it's not really going great um and so people start starving it starts starving is what really happens right now over If you ask them over there, they'll probably say that the CIA, CIA did something. It's the CIA. Right. It's always the CIA is doing something.

But what happened from a helicopter view is just it wasn't working. People were starving. Millions and millions of people were starving. People were getting purged if they had different ideas or whatever. And because things are not going, Gao, going well, Mao gets a little paranoid. Yeah. He starts going like, is there going to be a revolution against me? So what he does is he does, it's a little.

little yearly sweep. Every dictator just likes to do a sweep. Do a little sweep. You just take out the broom and you do a little sweep. Yeah. And you make an example of certain people. Gaddafi did it. Once in a while you've got to keep people in line and you make an example, you throw on the TVs,

you do whatever, a little public execution, a little public humiliation, some re-education camps, send people to hard labor. And then they change their opinions. Do you think Donny T's going to do a little sweep coming up? to a sweep, everyone's got to do a little sweep. Do you think because when are the sweeps going to start happening in this country? Make no mistake, I'd like to apply for a job as a street sweeper.

Right now, I think he's doing a little sweep of people whose papers are precarious. Yeah, it's what it is. It is a little sweep going on city to city. It's just what's going on. Nick is holding up a piece of loose leaf right now because I am a U.S. citizen. Yeah. It seems like people who have authoritarian tendencies usually like to do a little sweep. But authoritarian's usually rise to power when things are out of control.

So what really causes what? I mean, like I was saying before, what is the biggest communist propaganda in this country right now? I think it's the libertarian tech bros. I think that's the best advertisement for communists, right? It's like they're just flaunting their, you know, like wealth and their compounds and they're going deregulate everything and taxation is theft and people are going like, hey man, I'm just trying to get off my EBT and they're going, we're trying to get to Mars and you're going, what? Yeah.

We're on different planets. It's time for a little sweep. Time for a little sweep, I think, maybe, of billionaires hidden funds in Delaware. It's what it is. I need you to pay up, okay? Because people like Chrissy, not me. I'm poor. People like

Chrissy are going to be on the front lines. Once you see him driving a nice little car, they're going to try to storm your foyer, even though he pays into the system. Yeah, I pay into the system. I pay into the system, but that's why, because I've got a couple of appointments for us on Wednesday. We got some nice leads on some studios, and

Dover, Delaware. Yeah, we're going to Delaware where the Biden crime family is. Yeah. We're going to Delaware. I like to call it America's dirtbag Switzerland. Yeah. It's where people go to hide their money in shady shell corporations and LLCs. Rahoboth Beach.

Yeah, that's where Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos set up their little fucking tax havens. That's what it is. And they go to the Cayman and they hide all their wealth. And meanwhile, the 10% of New York has to pay 74% of, of the taxes for the city and you want to hang those people. That's what it is. That's the insight I'm having.

So basically what's happening now is most Mondami voters don't even know that 74% of the taxes of New York City are paid by the top 10%. They're mad at the top 10%. The rich are already getting taxed. They're already getting taxed out the ass because these billionaires

are hiding their wealth. We just got a mug one. Yeah, let's mug one. We need to do a purge on one billionaire that's sad. Which one's the most useless? Yeah. And defenseless. Sorry.

Well, you better not touch Steve Cohn because he owns the Mets. Yeah, we're not going to touch him. Just Warren Buffett, right? He's the nicest one. He's willing to pay more. He wants to pay more. But unfortunately, nice guys finish last. It's what it is.

Let's just go to his little compound. Where is it? In Idaho? Where is he? He's in the Midwest. He's in Nebraska. He's in Nebraska or something. We just storm that.

Right. Children of the corn. Go in there. Drink his fine wine. Right. Drink his blood. Do whatever you got to do. Just leave my Tesla watch.

What about Markey Z? Marky Z is another little scumbag. Okay? He likes to stay quiet, but he likes to let his like, what is it, his little meta-lobby do all the lobbying to the government for all his tax. He likes to stay quiet. He's more quiet. He just likes to go to the UFC, so it's like, he goes like this, you figure out. He hangs out with Dana White and Trump walks in, he goes, you figure out where I'm at politically.

Yeah. It's like, dude, if you're watching the UFC and showing up to a UFC event, we know where you are politically. You're not going to see. I can't remember his name. Oh, I don't remember his name. Well, the kid, Mark Zuckerberg, did get honeypotted. He did get a Asian wife. Well, it's not really his fault.

I mean, you know, Jews and Asians, they both went to an Ivy League, and the Ivy League has been bringing Jews and Asians together since centuries ago. That's true. That's where Jews and Asians link up. Well, and it's good that we got a lot of Asian kids coming into the Ivy League schools because our kids don't want to go to school. No, they know. We got the Asian kids, so I'm okay with that.

Yeah. Now, because how does this all apply to my man, Zijing, ping pong. Yeah, so Mao Zedong purges. Then there's a cultural revolution, right? So, and by the way, do you know who Mao's Red Guard was and the people who did his dirty work? They were all students. They were all like young people. Yeah, they were all young people. So, yeah, Gen Z. I'm looking forward to what you guys are going to do. Be great. So the cultural revolution happens. Things aren't going so good. Okay. And Mao dies. China's not doing good. Abject poverty. People aren't going well. And then Ding Dong Ping, Liu Dow Ding. Right. What's his name again?

It's tough name. Another guy. Tian Ping, not May Zhao Dong. No, not. Just sounds like we're looking through a cover trying to get to the back of the shelf. Yeah, it's just what? We're just seeing, it sounds like we're moving some glass wine glasses around. The thing is it's like it's not my fault because they would have very difficult time pronouncing arms as well. Dang Xion Ping. Yes. Dang Xiu Ping. So is Deng Xiaping?

He's the one. He's basically the Mikhail Gorbachev of China, right? God, did you have the little birthmark on his head? He did. He did. And he had a little piece, just like Miguel. Miguel Gorbachev? Yeah.

Did he have a little piece, Miguel Gorbache? I don't know. Yeah. By the way, on the Patreon, at patreon. At patreon.com says history ain't is we're going to talk about how scientific evidence now is uncovered that Hitler did have a little piece. I know. And one ball.

So we're going to talk about it. I got picks. Yeah. is that true though or is that just no that's real is it real because i saw it in the post no but the post it's real Alexander hamilton made the post don't forget that it's changed since then no it's changed a little bit um I want to watch that Ken Burns documentary on the revolutionary war I think I've watched that one no but I thought it was new oh yeah he must have done another one before yeah he did the civil war the civil war that's one of the best civil war is one of the 10 hours

baseball where each each episode is an inning ooh and of course the jack Johnson go listen to our Jack Johnson episode, underappreciated episode. Ken Byrne, shout out Ken Burns. Yeah, shout out Ken Burns. One of the best. So Deng Xiaoping comes in in 78, and he goes, we had to change here. And he had to do a market reform. Yeah. And we do market reform. And he says, we need socialism with tiny characteristic. So

things change. And that is where... So what is socialism with Chinese characteristics? What does he really mean? Basically, meaning we're going to do, we're going to create some markets. Okay. It wasn't like, oh, all math is being done an abacus. I just want to make sure. Yeah.

I know, you know, I'm, you know, just don't know. They weren't, yeah, socialism just with chopsticks. Right. Put down the forks. With Chinese characteristics. So it's just kind of like there, is that kind of what they have still right now today, would you say? Yes. But now we're seeing a little bit of a turn back to a little Maoist authoritarianism.

They've had communism. capitalism for long enough. Yes. So what they did was they opened the country up to foreign investments. They had little economic zones and private property became a thing. Before that, everyone just had a unit.

They were just like, here's your unit. Nobody had, you couldn't buy your own house. Nobody had, it was all the government just gave you allocated things. And so now you, they allowed business. They allowed capitalism. Well, the thing is, we have private property here, But it's like even if you own your house with no mortgage,

do you really own your house or does the United States government own the land of the house? Well, I think you both own it. Right. Yeah, I think you both own it. People always say that, but you both own it. Right. You both own it, you know, until you pay it off. You took a loan.

But I'm saying if you have a, but you're still paying property taxes. You're still paying property taxes, so, but those property taxes go towards things. Right. I mean, you know, it's like, yeah. People got to mix up their algorithms a little bit. Right. That's what really has to happen is it got to mix up their fucking algorithm. I wish that social media would just do that, would just do it for you.

They really do. I mean, yeah, I mean, because I've been seeing that too. It's like, because that's what's happening in Florida, right? He's going to... To DeSantis? Yeah, DeSantis is going, we're getting rid of property, Texas. Like, these things are all going to have consequences one way or the other. Right.

We're trying to find a balance here. That's what it is. And what it seems to be is the only thing that works is hybrid economies. So can everyone just calm down? Right. Everyone just calm down. Let's just get the right balance and just let's just purge Warren Buffett's house and everyone calm down.

One sacrifice. Yeah. That's it. We just need one. sacrifice. Take all his money. That's what it is. Whatever. Give it to the people and let Nick shop at Whole Foods. That's what it is. Just

even it out. Nick, calm down. What he hears hybrid economy, that's music to his ears because Nick's always thinking hybrids, he's always thinking trans. Trans. Hybrid. They're more hybrid. They are hybrid. Trans are hybrid. Trans people are hybrids. A little solar. That's what I don't never call them trans. I call them hybrids. I like that. Yeah.

So they become, I guess, more of a hybrid economy, you know. they still have a lot of socialism but they introduce capitalism and what happens you can't deny the data and for some reason this isn't data and Vietnam is not data within like 35 years

they become the second biggest global power in the world because of capitalism right but what comes with that a little inequality right but is there a such thing in nature that is equality in nature I don't think so no right you get two slices of pizza one slice

of Pete's here, one sites of Pete's here. Yeah. One of them is better. It doesn't exist. It doesn't exist. It doesn't exist. The ones, the exact same DNA of all the lion cubs, the ones that the weakest just gets killed. It's just what it is. It's just a little bit of that. It's just baked into being alive. So, um, so, uh, Ding Ping opens it up. And before Dijing Ping opens it up, we're going to talk about our boy, um, we're going to talk about our boy Zeezing Ping. But how did Xi Jinping? My, I want to get to the, because, you did more research on this, how does Xi Jinping, how is he the one who rose above all the

other ones? Like, how is he the one he's been the president for whatever, 20 years and kind of made it into, it's, you know, he's the president, but it's really like a dictatorship? Like, how was he better than Xi Zhang, Z mean, and Hu Jintao? How come they didn't do it? And he did. Because President Z is very willful, very tough, very resilient, and has a Batman origin story. Which that's what we're going to tell you about. We're basically he has a Batman origin story And in my opinion His trauma bonded to the CCP

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Yeah. But I am a regular user of Quince. I love it. I love shopping at Quince. I almost exclusively shop at Quince because it's high quality and it's just beautiful clothes. Because I did a show in Philadelphia this weekend and somebody from the crowd yelled, what kind of sweater is that? And I said it's from Quince because it was.

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He's got more of a Christian Bale. Even look at the Batman's. They're not all equal. Exactly. Christian Bail is obviously the best Batman. I think so. Without a doubt. Ben Affleck's the worst one.

Ben Affleck is the worst one in almost everything. Right. Ben Affleck, I really got to be honest with you. I mean, I like his movies and I like him, but when I just want, I just for the, for whatever reason, a week ago, it was the first time ever I saw him on Bill Marr defending, like, going crazy with Sam Harris. and Bill Maher, you ever seen that?

And he just looks like such a tool to me. Yeah. He just looks like he can't control his emotions. You just want to be like, guy, have his sound argument and just calm down. Yeah. That was a while ago. It was like 11 years ago, but I just saw it. My algorithm's late.

Here's the thing. I mean, look, I give Ben Affleck a lot of credit for being able to say big words and looking that good. Right. You don't see that combination a lot where such a handsome guy develops such a great vocabulary. So I give him credit for that. Yeah. Because that kid is one of the handsomest kids. round. And he's from Boston. So those Boston kids don't normally have that kind of vocabulary.

They don't usually have that. So you got to give him credit for that. He's also a tall drink of water. Muscular kid. Yeah. And I like him. I like him. I like them. I like the, you know what's gone, you know what I think has gone wrong a little bit in society? I really, I really do think people don't appreciate how much fun someone you disagree with at a party is. Yeah. You know, it's like, sometimes my wife will say like, I hate all these people. I'm like, that's exactly. who I want to be around. Yeah. Because that's when things happen. It's fun. Yeah. You don't want, nowadays, it's like you want to silence those people. You want to hurt those people. Why? You want to bring them to a party and have some fun.

Have some fun. Agree to disagree, baby. Have fun. You know, you want to throw something in the mix. That's what it is. Everyone is interesting in some way. In some way, shape, or form. So I love Ben Affleck. I love King Z. I love Presidency. I would like to see Ben Affleck play King Z in the movie. I would love to see that. I would like that a lot. I think at some point Tom Cruise did do that about a samurai. Yes, he did. That was pre-cancel culture. Tom Cruz played a Japanese man, and it's what it is. It's what it is. Even though I know they'll say no, he was supposed to be playing a European guy who's supposed to be playing a Japanese guy. Well, times have changed. Jesse, before we get into, I know you guys, we do go off the rails a little bit, but you know, that's what this show is. So if you love it,

you love it, and if you don't, we're going to make you love it. Just stick around. But I want to take a little detour. And right now, after you say that, and I just want to focus on some of the American actors who have played Asian roles because it's very fun. It's very fun. Let's go back. We'll tie this into our rap pack episode because go back to Jerry Lewis. Jerry Lewis love Jerry Lewis. Jerry Lewis used to play an

Asian character and I think he did it the most actor. Jesse, can you pull up Jerry Lewis's Asian character? Yeah, let's okay, yeah. I mean I just, okay, here we go. Jerry Lewis Chinese got, yeah. Yeah, it's just what it is. Jesus Christ

Can we do a little video Jesse I mean it might get dinged for this But yeah Just it's just a different time And it was more of an accurate portrayal Right An accurate Yeah

Let's just check this out Oh We need some words The teeth are a little crazy A little crazy I didn't realize Habachi was this all I thought Habachi was like a new thing I don't think he's going to talk in this one

Yeah, I don't think he's going to talk They may have just pulled all of it Yeah They might have just pulled all of it Yeah All right All right But I mean just look at

at his face you could just look at his face um then i think jack lemon did right didn't jack yeah let's let's i want to see who the people um and you remember she looking like a man oh she looked like a man mad tv it was great yeah it was a great it was a great character do you i know i honestly think 98 percent of asian people don't care they'll make fun like who care they'll make fun of white people like i just don't think people care no it's just uh it's a it's a very loud few i mean this girl was the best she looking like a man she looking like a man so back to the story of King Xi Zhang Bing. I think they used to have elections every 10 years, right, or something like that. But now I think he's just solidly in power. I heard that Chinese people

only celebrate their birthdays every 10 years. Is that true? I think so. Yeah. I think so. I did hear that. Yeah. I don't know about that. Do they? Might be true. Who knows? Yeah. So Z is born into a pretty important family. Like wealthy. Father. Well, Well, that's the thing. That's the funny thing. They wouldn't say it, right? They just live in like a big compound, but they say my salary on the books is, you know, $100,000 to $100,000. Same as everybody else's. For example, I think Vladimir Putin's salary on the books is $147,000 a year. I believe it. Which basically means, do you think Vladimir Putin couldn't afford to rent an apartment in Williamsburg, Brooklyn? What are the chances? I think Vladimir Putin, if you're listening to the episode, if you'd like one of us to co-sign a lease for you, so you could get an apartment in Brooklyn, we'd be willing to do that. Yeah, I mean, Vladimir Putin, according to Vladimir Putin, has to fly coach.

So you draw your own conclusions about what's truthful and what's happening. Yeah, his house, you know, his house is like on the side of a mountain, but it's like property values are just cheaper in Russia. Yeah, it's just what it is. You go, the guy's only, you know, he's only making a, he's only making, like, really a cop who does overtime salary. That's all it is. Pretty crazy. I didn't know. Same thing with Matt, I think, same thing with Z.

Right. I think his official salary is something like, I think on the books, what is he worth, like, $1 million? Mm-hmm. So, so if you want to believe that, right, and you would say, Mao could only afford a junior one bedroom in the East Village. Yeah. So that's just what you want to believe. You believe what you want to believe. So that's what they tell their people.

That's what they officially announced. Investigations have found that Mao is worth about $700 to $800 million. That's what it is. That's not on the books. Not on the books. Not on the bucks. But when you're a communist leader, you can't let the people know. Sometimes you've got to get off the books.

Sometimes you've got to get off the bucks. So he's born into an important family. His father is a high ranking level party member. Okay. Communists, right? Now, his father apparently watched one episode at some point of Three's company. Okay. And that was enough when, for Mao, who was getting really paranoid about the state of things and people and opposition, he decided to do one of these sweeps.

Okay. So because, yeah, well, he does a little purge and because Z's father probably watched an episode of Three's company, he gets swept up in the purge big. Got it. So they come to his house. They raid his house when the kids like 12 or 13 years old. We're talking about Z. Right. Z's father, who was a high-ranking party member, his house gets raided.

he gets targeted by Mao in one of these purges of dissidents. They take him, they loot his house, they steal everything, they publicly humiliate him, they beat him, they throw him in prison. Kids in prison for like seven years. The wife is publicly humiliated, she's sent off. The daughter, Z's sister, is sent to his beat, whatever. The Red Army, the Red Guard takes her. They throw her in a camp.

she ends up quote unquote killing killing herself. Right. So whatever you want to yeah, whatever you want to draw from that. Either she killed herself under the pressure of the whole thing and the humiliation or they killed her and probably took a couple turns.

Who knows? Just what it is. And the young boy, President Z, our Batman, he gets sent down to like a very poor rural, you know, agrarian work area

and he has to live as a peasant. He gets teased there. They call him, rich boy they haze him they make him work harder he sleeps in a hut a mud hut a tent he's got no shoes there's you know stories of him building a dam with his bare hands with no shoes on he does hard labor for seven years he credits it as like building his character he buys in right but he also has to read marks he's got to read mauslow red book he's got whatever it's so-called he's got to you know, be re-educated.

Right. He's got to be re-educated. Even though he was already a Communist Party kid. Right. So he does seven years there. His dad does seven years in prison until ding-dunk, ping pong comes into power. And those reforms are made. The reforms that Mao was accusing people, any right wing, any right ideas that Mal purged,

eventually actually comes to power. And this guy, Deng, Lual Ding. Got it. So Liu Al-Ding comes along after Mao. And he goes, we're actually going to do that. Yeah. So then his father's released, but Z, Z's father's released. Z applies to the Communist Party.

He's rejected seven times. They really make them work for it because it's like you were, you were a dissident. Right. But he gets in. He's persistent. So this is radical. This is making Z pissed off. Z is just.

He's got to be president one day. This is forming who he is. Right. And then from there he gets into the Communist Party. And from there, he's like Putin. he just works his way up little by little local politics boom just a little more

hit the star political and he's just he's very shrewd right let's say shrewd so we go through all his little local movements one at a time boom boom but works himself up to the top and then the next thing you know he's the Matt Reif of the Communist Party boom he's at the top one clip

at a time yeah and he gets there and he lets things fly for a while communist is thriving It's the world's factory. What are we? The early 2000s here? Now at this point he comes to power what? Was it in the early 2000s? When did he come to power?

Yeah, when did he come to power? I think that's it. I don't think it was the 90s. 2007. Oh, okay. 2007, but then he became General Secretary of the Communist Party. In 2013, he became president. So 2013.

So it has not been that long. where he became president of the People's Republic of China, and he holds key military leadership as chairman of the central. In 2013, China was coming up, but China wasn't where they were in 2013. No, but they were doing very well. Right. Doing very well.

Because they let all capitalism in. I mean, same thing as Vietnam now, yes. What it is. Yes. So they've been doing very well. But in these last 10 years, they've continued. The trajectory's been like, what is the growth? Like 8, 9% a year?

Yeah. Something like that crazy. I think they lifted something like 90% out of poverty. Yeah. Same thing. In China. In China. Wow.

Same thing in Vietnam. So when that happens, people move to the city. It becomes, you know, service-based economy and people move from the country to the city, much like an American. Everyone moves to the cities. And it's an industrial nation now. They got McDonald's out there?

They got tons of McDonald's going. Yeah, then I'm going. So he gets into power, and that's his origin story. And now, so China has become the second power in the world in less than, 40 years. You know who number one is. Number one is still the United States of America. Just right here who you listen to the boys in red, white, and blue. Yeah. But what I found interesting

about his origin story is he's kind of like a janissary. Okay. Now, you remember the janissaries from our episode? So the Turks would take a Greek boy out of the home, right? They would castrate them, right, or not. Right. And then they would indoctrinate them. They'd force them to convert and then indoctrinate them into Turkish soldiers. You know what makes re-education easier when you cut off someone's nuts. Always start with that. Always makes the re-education just a little more seamless. It's a good way to start it, to let the person know that you mean business. I'm not messing around, buddy. I just clipped your nuts. So I'm going to need you to read this book on now. Yeah, because like when you, so then it's like when you're raised as a little

kid by someone who's kind of abusing you but doesn't tell you that. Right. They tell you they're doing it for your own good. It kind of, it shows you how impressionable we all are. Because if you were Matt, if you were, if you were, if you were Z and you were thinking clearly, wouldn't you go like, hey, that was a little fucked up what you guys did to me. Yeah. But it actually made him double down. Yeah. It actually turned him into more of a communist. Yeah.

Even though the communists ruined his family. Yeah. And then raised him. Isn't that wild? It's wild. That is kind of wild. It's kind of wild. That just lets you know when you, human psychology, like, you ever meet a girl or know a girl and like all her boyfriends are abusive and you're going like, what is this?

And you find out her father was abusive. abusive. And you're going like, she's just trying to recreate the comfort of what she knows. All deep in the subconscious. And all the people on the internet or in person you see that are very confrontational. And then you could tell that they like it. Yeah. You like that. You like this. Because for them, I feel like it's attention. It's, it's, it's familiar. Yeah. It's like their parents were very critical. Their parents were abusive. Yeah. And so then when they abuse you and then you abuse them back and they like it. Yeah. I think it's familiar to them and that feels like love. That feels like attention. Right. So it's very interesting. So I

think basically the world's going to explode just because of this kid's childhood issues. I think the world's going to explode because of everyone's childhood issues. Yes. That's what I was going to say. That's what I was going to second that with it. It's not just him. It's everybody. Because how else do you interpret this?

What? Which part? Because now he's an authoritarian, right? Right. So Z is now, he disappeared Jack Maher for a little bit because Jack Maher was criticizing government regulation a little bit. So he disappeared for a while. Now his mouth is closed and they've taken billions of dollars from him.

Yeah. So are his eyes. what I just advocated we should do in America. So I just advocate. I'm basically advocating to do what Z did. Right. Because sometimes you just got to fix inequality quick. You just got to do it. And you just

got to scoop one up and take his money. So you think we need a sweep? We need a sweep. You think the DSNY needs to get ready to start sweeping. I'm not saying, I don't know, maybe China has it right. Maybe we do need a little authoritarianism. I don't know. Maybe Hassan Bikers right. I don't know. I don't know.

He loves Gucci and he loves communism together. It'd be wild if they arrested him in China. But it is ironic to think that the only economic mechanism that worked for communism is capitalist. I don't think Marx could have ever predicted that. Yeah. Because when you look at, you look at Singapore, you look at, I mean, Vietnam, you look at China. I mean, the list just goes on and on and on. That's confirmed. You cannot have a thriving socialist country without capital. capitalism, creating wealth to then thus socialize. Otherwise, you've got nothing to socialize.

It's confirmed. We have the research now that shows the only thing that works for communism is injecting a little bit of capitalism, ultra-process foods give you polyps and creatine 5 milligrams is good for you every day. What do you think? What do you think? What do you think is a better system? What do you like?

What do I like? Yeah, just tell me your honest opinion. No books. Just a kid from Queens. What's your gut tell you about it? My gut tells me to tell the people who are always blaming everybody else to take a good look in the mirror. Yeah. Because guess whose fault it is?

Yeah. Yours. Yeah. Take a look in the mirror, baby, gorgeous. Figure it out. Right. We all start in different places in this life. Oh, your disadvantage.

Okay, you got to work harder. It'll make you better in the long run. Stop blaming everything on everybody else. You fucking whining pussy. Just do it. Okay? Shut up. You're not disadvantaged if you live in this country.

Right. You can just have a fucking way out. You just got to work harder. Right. I wasn't handed anything. No. Shut up. No.

Stop fucking complaining about everything all the time. Oh my God. Yeah. You're annoying. Right. Just figure it out, you fucking asshole. But what if you weren't born with talent or good looks? What are those people do?

I don't fucking know, dude. Get reincarnated and get better luck next time. A lot of 14. that's got to be cacked no leave that in that is just the way it is it's the way the cookie has try again try again better luck next time yeah i mean the indians were right you'll come back in another life it just keep doing it until you come back with some talent it's what it is all right folks, as always, we love to read out the Patreon names, the newest members of the

Matrix at the end of every episode. The winner is the ones who make us laugh the most. You win a prize. You can see your name up in lights at History. Hyenas is back.com. Okay, welcome to the Patreon, Oliver Nabavian. Then we got my side piece is Jewish, so I call her my Jumar. Put them on the list. Like a Guamar, but we

have a Jew mar. On the list, put out the catapult for this nice little chicken finger and fling it over the wall. Jumar is a 10, and it's been right there on the table for the table for years, and no one's ever thought of it but this kid i got i don't have a i don't have a gumar i got a jumar then we got slammy wet balls slammy wet balls chicken figure chicken finger big almost on a list then we got the epstein list disappeared like brenden shop's comedy career we're gonna Drexler that one

then we got fat fat fat Polynesian potato monkey very funny yeah Drexler wow this list is strong then we got gelk dock and fletch interesting Kristen Tamar Fart Hammer Chicken finger Jow Then we got It's the Squeak in Weekend

Stop playing Where's my slingshot Okay Chrisie Rosenblot Nick Vlagas Trent Peacock Dane's Pepperonie nipples

Okay L.A. Ice Dodgers aka jumping jelly beaner Wow Ice Dodgers With the L.A. Ice Dodgers Like the L.A. Ice Dodgers Like the L.A. Ice Dodgers

AKA jumping jelly beaners. Put them on the list. Okay. I mean, that is fantastic. Wow, even Nick gave that one to the thumbs up. That is fantastic. H. Foley's Hot Holy Hogi now available at Wawa. That's a good one. Costco brand necktie.

Dionne Hannah, Ariel LaGronde, Tyler Bailey. We've had that a bunch of a lot. Yeah. It's a really good one. But it's good. Connor Fenwick, aka the back of the knee for which there is no name. Okay. King John Fumes

We've had Sarah Adier No kings Yoss Queens That's really good Put him on the list Really? Wow

Wow This chicken figure The Yoss Queens No queen Yoss queen That's a good one I like that So he's on the list

He's on the list Okay wow That's a chicken figure On the list We got a few chicken figures Then we got North Korea Comedy Festival Talent

Coordinator Put him on the list Okay yeah Wow We got a fucking list here Send this your email We're looking for the work Tony DeNafrio

Jenghis Khan, King of the Mongoloids, straight to the back. Yonis' I-Gooch, Boof. Then we got stank spanker, red, fuzzy, muzy, was a gay bear, and got thrown off a roof. I mean, look, the kid is just not alive anymore. That's what it is. But I hope he was able to enjoy himself for the couple of... All it was going down. Yeah, a couple of the male sexual excursions that he had.

Yeah. Jacob Gibson. Then we got when does Timu Freddie Freeman and Down syndrome John Stamos fuck? Okay They're calling you Timu Freddie Freeman. It's just funny. Cutter Lee, Symphony number 14 and F. Flat. Okay, we can't do that.

Large sea worlds only get love from inwards. Large sea words only get love from inwards. You're getting walked into one. Okay. Yeah. All right. All right about that. My Akash Singh

neighbor smells like a poo. Lat 14. On the beam, but it was a UFO and I got alien me-toed. Okay. We went for it. Tim Miller. Smallest dick in the glory hole.

Put them on the list. All right. Put them on the fucking list. That's what it is. Funny as hell. Chrissy D's glue gun, aka the Bavarian Cream Slinger. Right.

Okay. Donner Party Catering Company, we serve ourselves. Put them on the list. Okay, I mean, this is a good one. Great. I mean, it's the best list number. Chauncey Bowling. Zachary Lee, Hans Jobs, John Carlo, Coosamano.

My Leroy friend that has some bounce. Can't do that one. Sorry about that. Jesus Christ. Those weren't empty seats at the MSG show. They were ghosts. Okay. Samantha Land. Chris.

Nathan Pence. Ronaldo Time for Toots and Snoot Boofs Isaac Yost Damn I hit a deer Oh fuck it was a child in costume Okay

It's hooked up yes Jesus Yeah Anxious Francis With far right stances I like that I'm gonna chicken finger it True blue Jew

The Gaza Crip True Blue the Gaza Crip Okay Something was there With the Gaza Crip But it's not quite there Don't dance He just pulls up

his pants. Tato's the Great. Chappadans. Nolan Mag. Call me a broken clock because I don't. Call me a broken clock because I dong dings. Okay. Mark Pinero. Bernie Sanders pumps his piece on Zoron's cheeks. Let's go, girls. Drexler. Chancletes at Chrissy's head. It's jazzy method. Okay. Can't do that. Can't do that. Janus Mediterranean Fumi. The Greek Squeak. Okay. Weishong Sheehan. Ray Gapist.

Holiano Flaherty. Sarah Helzig. Rocky and Stink Wrinkle. Stephen. Connor Dobner. Tenillo. Logan, my bomb. And then last but not least,

my mom's on her fourth husband. And he is a homosexual. Drexler. Okay. So we got a, we got a, we got a, I should stop here, right? This list is we got a few names. Yeah, I wanted to say two things. We're going to be doing a Walked-in' One Award.

Yeah, Sabrina the Hyena is doing that. Thank you so much. And we're also going to do a PPW of the year. We'll be doing that. So we'll be doing two lists. Tune in. Those will be our end-of-year episodes. So it's exciting to know who's going to be crowned, the best of the year.

Gotta be signed up at patreon.com slash history hyenas to even be entered into that. Okay, so here are the newest names. I mean, here are the finalists for today's winner. So we have smallest dick in the glory hole. Donner Party Catering Company We serve ourselves Amazing My side piece is Jewish

So I call her my Jumar L.A. Ice Dodgers A.k-a. Jumping Jelly Beaners That's another good one. No Kings, Yoss Queens And the North Korea Comedy Festival Talent Coordinator I like them all

So who's sticking out to you? Who's going? Smallest dick in the glory hole stay or go? I'm just thinking about that North Korea talent coordinator is very funny I just am curious Hassan Piker is going there. He's streaming from China. You're legally not allowed to say anything critical of China or the government. How is that different for the people who got upset about

the Saudi Arabia? How is that different? It's not. It's not different. Also, you can't deal one thing I've learned going through this is you don't negotiate with these people. They don't deal with facts. They deal with emotions and you don't negotiate with emotion. I know. I've just thought about that. I was like, what's the difference? I don't know. There is no difference. Yeah. Okay, so We're going to start with the first one What was the first one? The first one was

Smallest Dick in the Glory Hole Which Nick says is not He didn't, that's not him We're going to chicken finger that one Chicken figure, you agree Chicken finger? Yeah, I'm going to chicken finger that one Okay, Donner Party Catering Company

We serve ourselves It's a good one, we're going to keep it around for a second Serve ourselves, that's nice, very interesting, smart My side piece is Jewish So I call her my Jumar You're going to keep that around. Okay. Yeah.

Keep that around. That's what it is. L.A. Ice Dodgers, A.K.A. Jumping Jelly Beiner. We're going to keep that. All right. Yeah, this is a good one. No Kings. Yoss Queens.

We're going to, Nick wants that big. Nick wants that. And if Nick wants it, we keep it, baby. So we got to have a four off that. What Nick wants, Nick Gets, baby. North Korea Comedy Festival Talent Coordinator. We're going to check and figure that because it's old news. And it's inside baseball.

But it is very funny. Very funny. All right. So we have some to choose from here. We have four that have made it to the fun. finals normally it's just two so we have donner party catering company we serve ourselves my side piece is jewish so i call her my jumar la ice dodgers aka jumping jelly beaner or no kings yoss queens okay this is a tough one let's tough one this is a tough one i think domer we're going to directs

through that okay we're going to drexer that okay okay i do want to i do want to just say that my side piece is Jewish, so I call them my Jumar. Technically, Oliver Nabavian was the first one, but this, but it's a regular name. They didn't even make an attempt. So this was like a you could say that this is a number one draft pick going this far.

You could say that. You could make that argument. This is the second name we read overall of the whole list. Right. So I'm just saying. So you're saying this is basically a LeBron James right here. I'm saying that this is our closest one because I don't think we can count Oliver and Nabavian. They didn't even make an attempt. Right. Okay. So

But my side piece is Jewish, so I call her my Jumar. L.A. Ice Dodgers, aka Jumping Jelly Beans, or No Kings, Yoss Queens. Those are the final three. No Kings, yes, Queens is very funny, but it's very simple. I know it's your favorite, but we're going to chicken finger that. It's really coming down to these two. My side piece is Jewish, so I call it my Jumar or L.A. Ice Dodgers, aka Jumping Jelly Beans.

Ice Dodgers is really funny. Jelly beaners. Yeah, jelly beaners with the playoff of the Dodgers, baseball. I mean, very. So we got a triple backflipers. and a really good somersault. What are you in the mood for? Are you in the mood to eat light

or are you in the mood for a heavy meal? So my opinion on this is one of those things where my side piece is Jewish, so I call her my Jumar, is very, very tight and every word was needed. L.A. Ice Dodgers,

could have, aka my jumping, K.K. Jumping Jelly Beaners, could have just been L.A. Ice Dodgers and also would have gotten this far. Right. So to me, the adding of the AK jumping jelly beaners makes me want to favor Jumar. But let me just

let me just the jumping jelly beaners ice dodgers so he's an ice dodger but the L.A. Ice Dodgers is funny. It's very funny. You're right. You know what I mean? Yeah, it could have been

either one. What do you guys think? But it's really good, the ice dinners. I agree. I wish you finished a metaphor, the baseball metaphor and not gone to jelly beans. Kept it within the game because I completed it. Chris, I'm in the Jumar camp. So we're going with Jumar. What do you think?

You agree? And I also think Jumar can come in handy because now, like if anyone has a Jewish side piece, which is a Jumar. Yeah. You're a Jumar or if we see any hot Jewish woman, there are Jumars. And here's the thing. If you do have a Jumar, you're going to get caught. She's going to call your wife at some point.

Just what it is. Yeah. Gail, Geldad is a Jumar. Yes. Yeah. All right. Congratulations. My side piece is Jewish.

So I call on my Jumar. Go to History and Is His Back.com. So you name up in lights. You won, Jumar.