How Did This Get Made? - Bloodsport LIVE w/ Nicole Byer (HDTGM Matinee)

Episode Date: June 10, 2025

KUMITE! KUMITE! KUMITE! HDTGM all-star Nicole Byer (Nailed It!) joins Paul and Jason to discuss the cult 1988 Jean-Claude Van Damme martial-arts film Bloodsport. LIVE from Largo in LA, they cover Frank Dux being a real man, Van Damme’s soft baby buns, blindfolded tea training, the not-so-secret illegal Kumite martial-arts tournament, Ray Jackson, and much more. Plus, two cousins duke it out in a question kumite battle during Audience Q&A! (Originally Released 03/23/2016) • Go to hdtgm.com for tour dates, merch, FAQs, and more• Have a Last Looks correction or omission? Call 619-PAULASK to leave us a voicemail!• Submit your Last Looks theme song to us here• Join the HDTGM conversation on Discord: discord.gg/hdtgm• Buy merch at howdidthisgetmade.dashery.com/• Order Paul’s book about his childhood: Joyful Recollections of Trauma• Shop our new hat collection at podswag.com• Paul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheer• Paul’s YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheer• Follow Paul on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer• Subscribe to Enter The Dark Web w/ Paul & Rob Huebel: youtube.com/@enterthedarkweb• Listen to Unspooled with Paul & Amy Nicholson: unspooledpodcast.com• Listen to The Deep Dive with June & Jessica St. Clair: thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcast• Instagram: @hdtgm, @paulscheer, & @junediane• Twitter: @hdtgm, @paulscheer, & msjunediane  • Jason is not on social media• Episode transcripts available at how-did-this-get-made.simplecast.com/episodesGet access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using the link: siriusxm.com/hdtgm

The first rule of kumite. Do not talk about kumite. Unless of course you wanna talk about kumite, because then it's totally fine. It just really depends on the person. Doesn't seem to be any real rules there at all. We saw Bloodsport, so you know what that means. How did Schwarzenegger grow a baby in his belly? Rock a rhinestone vest while ripping Justin to Kelly Or maybe see a burlesque show with Nick Crowe

And take a boat with speed to hitting cruise control J-Man, Big Paul, and the beautiful June Gonna take you from the goob all the way to the room Render games to street fighter hope to blow off steam Just a sucker punch the odd life of Timothy Green Chop n ittle to birdemic how we stayin' alive They call it in the badass and he's on the line Crankin' 88 minutes cause they cool as ice

Cause a bad Jim Barney lookin' kind of nice Paul and June gettin' literal, Jason is gettin' laid June is makin' sure all the monkey shots gettin' paid They judge a bunch of movies while they makin' the grade Here's a real question for you, how did this get made? Hello, people of Earth! That's a good little group. Say hello, people of Los Angeles!

We are here live at Largo, our LA home. Group attack! Group attack! To bring you a show, an underground show, a podcasting show. Please welcome my co-host, Jason Manzoukas. What's up jerks? Should I go here? You can go wherever you want. We are sadly missing June tonight due to a family emergency. She was called away at the last second, but we have an amazing guest.

You know her from Girl Code and also the brand new Fox show party over here. Please welcome Nicole Byer. Too much head, too much head, too much head. Too much head, too much head, too much head, too much head. By the way, podcast is the best podcast ever. Kumate, Kumate, Kumate. Kumate, Kumate, Kumate, Kumate, Kumate, Kumate. By the way. This podcast ends in a death. I feel like everyone all the time

should be brought in with Kumate. Yeah. It felt very good. I was like, should I high kick? But I didn't. I thought about it and was genuinely like, oh no, I'll hurt myself. By the way, the didn't. I thought about it and was genuinely like,

oh no, I'll hurt myself. Yes. By the way, the one thing I will say, this is the third time we have visited a Jean-Claude Van Damme film. And I will say- And I will, and if we did three more, happy. All in.

Because I'll go on record as saying, this movie is fucking awesome. I love you. Thank you. I 100% agree. I loved it. Also, he was so fuckable. Oh yeah.

He was so sexy and every time his eyes just were dead, I was like, yes. I love this. He is, like I was like, yes. We love this. He is, like, I would argue, and this is the thing, we have seen him at different points in his career on this show, but this is the most pristine, angelic- He is, if I may, absolutely gorgeous.

Yes. I looked at his, like, cause of course you see his ass, right? That's a staple of a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. Buns. There's some juicy buns in this movie before he wraps them up in some tidy maroonies. He literally pulls down the underpants

to then put them back on. Guess what? When you're putting briefs on, you don't have to double dip because once they're on, they back on. Guess what? When you're putting briefs on, you don't have to double dip because once they're on, they're on. Like, you didn't do it wrong. Like, oops, nope, no, no, it's okay. It's almost like- He was giving us a little treat.

It's like the front latches first and then he had to come back for the back. The back latch? The back latch. If you go to moviebitches.com, you will see a collection of Jean-Claude Van Damme's buns, which this audience will see in just a little bit. Guys, these are grade A buns.

Just before we start talking about this, because this movie, while awesome, there are some questions that need to be answered. Some things that are a little asendorm. I can't think of one. It all adds up. A couple things you should know, which I never knew.

This is truly based on a real man. When that happened at the end of the movie, and the thing came up and said it was based on a real life story, I came. I was like, what? Like if you had put the same title card up at the end of Lake Placid, I would have believed it more. This man, his name is obviously Frank Dukes. Dukes or Duk obviously Frank Dukes. Frank Dukes.

Who? Dukes or Dukes? Dukes. Dukes. Well, funny thing about him is that, well, a couple things. One, people think he's full of shit, and then that this never happened, and it's all a lie.

Ooh, I love that. Fair. And then he disagrees with them. And as a matter of fact, if you've been following around the show, we have Blake Harris. He is an oral historian of the film. He got Frank Dukes to talk

and he got him for an epic three. Hey, everybody relax. There was like a low rumble. There was like one for real guy that was like, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh I can't make me mad! He had an epic three hour interview with him and he'll finally set the story straight. Three hours? Three hours. Oh poor Blake Harris. One of the things that he did tell him, and this is part of it, he goes that Jean-Claude

and him kind of got into it one time and he said, hey look, if you wanna fight me, meet me on the roof. And so Jean-Claude and Frank Dux went up to a roof like 60 feet above the city, I guess. And- Is it where at the end of the movie, Jean-Claude is like stretching on the altar? I believe it must be that place.

And he said that basically, like, John Claude, like, wimped out and brought, like, three of his friends. And then he, like, did this amazing full-rotation kick and then stared him down. And then he said, I could see John Claude's heart beating in his chest. And he's like, all right, you're a good man.

I'm into you. And then John Claude left. And then they fucked? Oh. They fucked. They fucked. And he's like, all right, you're a good man. I'm into you. And then Jean-Claude left. And then they fucked? Oh. They fucked. They fucked. So. Oh yeah.

This is the man that could have beat Jean-Claude Van Damme in real life. He actually also trained Jean-Claude Van Damme for this movie. And Jean-Claude Van Damme said it was the hardest training he's ever done. Cause Frank was like, you're not ready to be in a fictionalized version of my life. Isn't that diabolic?

Like, you're not ready to be me. I love that. That obviously, that you can go off and research, but let's talk about the movie, the movie itself. Ooh, wait. I truly loved it. All of the splits, there were so many splits. He does the splits seven there were so many splits.

He does the splits seven times. Oh, you counted? I did. I would have happily taken seven more. It would never have gotten old. If you can do them, you should. Just do them. Can anyone do them in the audience?

Anyone think they can do it? Can anybody just get straight to it? Back row, bring it up, right here. Let's go. All right. Come up here. I know. I see you pointing. Yeah, please. Come up here. I won't...

You're allowed to come on stage. Oh, wait. No, no, I'm sorry. He goes... Not in these pants. Take them off. Take them off. Take them off. Take them off. Take them off.

Take them off. Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off!

Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off!

Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! Take them off! He's holding his cell phone. His shoes are coming off. He's wearing a kumate. Kumate! Kumate! Kumate! Kumate!

Kumate! Kumate! Kumate! Kumate! Kumate! Kumate! Kumate! Kumate!

Kumate! It is a full rotation! Holy shit! Wow! That's what we're talking about! That's what I'm talking about! That was amazing! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Wow! That's what we're talking about!

That's what we're talking about! That's what I'm talking about! That was amazing! That was amazing! This guy gets it! This guy gets it! This guy gets it! That was amazing!

That was amazing! Oh, that was perfect! Oh, that was perfect! Amazing. And for... And for that, I'm gonna give you a bumper sticker that says, more Joan Allen ass. I wanna see it.

I wanna see it. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Show is off to an epic start.

Oh my God, I'm so glad I got out of bed. If you are listening to the podcast, go fuck yourself. How did this get me? How did this get me? I wanted to just, the one thing that jumped out at me right away was it just said screenplay or story by Sheldon Lettich. And that name just felt like not the guy to bring the kumatay story to the screen.

Like, oh, I got this movie. This karate guy. He's really crazy. I love that you're saying. Like I don't know why, like it just felt like, ooh, I got it. You know what we need? We need a scene where the guy can like take him and punch him and

like probably kill the guy. Sheldon, what do you got? Yeah, you know, he just gets in there and he goes, here's something hot in the balls. There's a lot of nut punches. Uh-huh. Many more so than I would have thought from people.

Why do they get, I guess it's like full, they keep reminding you, guess what, this is full contact. Yeah. No doing on that, but- It doesn't look more intense than a UFC fight though at this point. Yes. No, it doesn't. Yeah.

But I mean, that drop split into the nut punch, that was great. I would love to see that happen real. You'd be like, uh-oh. Ooh, how about this? Does anybody here have the fetish where they like to be punched in the nuts? Because we can get that guy

and make it happen at the end of the show. You stand the top, he'll go down below, poof. Think about it, fetish weirdos. By the way, that gentleman, we don't know his name, but he got down pretty quickly into the split. Jean-Claude does it very quickly. Oh yeah. Very, very quickly.

And that is a, I mean, look, yeah, I would do it a million times a day if you can do it. Oh yeah. That's why the guy's never fucking wearing pants either, because the one skill that he has is you have to kind of be pants-less. Like, yeah. Also, if I had those buns,

I'd be pants-less all the time. They're as soft as a baby. I looked at him and I looked at his buns. And you have a baby. I have a, that's why I say, fresh from a lady baby buns. Can't get enough of them. And also, the thing that I feel like worthy of talking about is, and I know this is an era of, from a lady baby buns. Can't get enough of them. Delicious.

And also the thing that I feel like worthy of talking about is and I know this is an era of film where, you know, Schwarzenegger, Jean Claude, they make no attempt to explain that they're not American. They are just like the most American. Like more American than anyone

that you could picture, than any country western star. And they're like, no justification of the accent, never. Yes, no, there is. What is he saying? There is. Wait, is there? It's in the flashback.

Okay. Where the 90-minute flashback. The flashback, which lasts the first act. That he has in flashbacks where he's like, oh, looks scared, and it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, and it goes back into his head. Anyway, it is when he's a kid, and his parents are meeting with the other parents,

and he's like, you came to America to have a better life for your son, or to do wine, right? To work with grapes or whatever. I came to America for this, that, and the other reason. Like, these are our, what we're growing is roots. We're growing sons, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I think I do have it here because I pulled it because of the term martial science.

Yes. And I hope you also pulled it for this kid's acting. You know what? They auditioned everybody to play young John Claude Van Damme, and this was where they came up with. And we're like, yep, yep, we got it. Well, you know what? Let's just get into the younger Van Damme's voice, because younger Van Damme's voice is better than any martial law.

This is young Van Damme. And the first act was just kind of like a karate kid in five minutes. Yes. Karate kid in five minutes. Yes. So here we go. Karate kid with no wisdom. You cannot get katana sword by stealing. It is a very special sword. You must earn it.

I wasn't going to steal it. He cuts the brim off his hat. You didn't flinch. You have fighting spirit. Not if we make a deal. What kind of a deal? That's, that's John Claude Van Damme. What we're meant to understand is that that grows into the most beautiful man in the world.

This kid who looks like he was maybe rejected for being a little too old to play Elliot in the E.T. movie grows up to be- Slash this kid who was like delivering sandwiches to the set and they're like, ah, that kid, let's get him in. He can't act, don't worry. We'll just replace his voice all in post.

It is wild, these flashbacks. Because is that his, I mean, I know I'm obsessed with this. We'll just replace his voice all in post. It is wild these classics. Because is that his, I mean I know I'm obsessed with this stuff, but is that his voice? I can't tell if this whole movie was done like an old, like it's like. A ton of it is ADR. Yeah, right? No one's speaking, everything they used was inaudible,

I feel like. Like what, we need microphones or shit? All right, we'll do it later. Oh God, this is the first time hearing of a sound department. Um, so obviously Jean-Claude, he learns with this master who is, um... I don't even really understand what's going on here, because, like, he's kind of there to protect his son.

So he's training his son, and he brings Jean-Claude Van Tam to fight his son. To be like a punching bag? Yeah, essentially. So he can, like, and he brings John Claude Van Damme to fight his son. To be like a punching bag? Yeah, essentially. So he can like stand back and be like, oh yeah. And then the kid gets beat up and then John Claude Van Damme helps him.

And then he's like, okay, I guess we could be equals. And then the kid dies? Yes. And we don't know why. We're never told why. We just cut straight to like a picture of the dead son. Over the sword. But then later you see the sword with no picture.

So it's like, did they go like, now we're done. Now we're over. Put it away. We're done with this. Yeah, this picture of our dead son's really bumming me out. Every time I look at my sword, all I see is my dead son. Let's hide that picture. I want to love this sword more.

But then John Claude Van Damme, young John Claude Van Damme, pleads with the Mr. Miyagi kind of character to train him as if he was his son, which he does. Oh yeah, he does. And it is straight up torture. Like Mr. Miyagi, like he's teaching lessons and doing things like this guy is just kicking the ever living shit out of him.

It's a montage in which each one is like, now he is just beaten with a stick. They literally put him, like we were describing, like a stretch Armstrong, like they grab him from every part of his body and just pull him in different directions. And then he like makes it tighter and then looser and then tighter and then ties it up

and then Jean-Claude Van Damme is like, I will rise above and then breaks it. But I don't even understand what is that teaching him? Like what muscle is that working? Like if you ever get like drawn and quartered, you could come back. I guess if four guys are pulling you apart, spread eagle, you'll escape it.

Now let's get into that. No, I feel, I felt like tons of the training was just like how to take a beating. Yeah. Was like preparing him for some of the just utter punishment that he would take at the hands of stronger people. But you guys, it came in handy in the end when he got salted, he knew how to like do shit

without his eyeballs. Absolutely. The blind, yeah, that was like very much at the wax on wax off. You know, he had his, what if I'm blind? And he learned the art of being blind by serving tea. Beautifully executed. Do a blindfolded tea party.

By the way, I think I could do that tea pretty flawlessly without zero training. Especially if it was at a house I was familiar with. At a table I'd sat at before, I bet I could do blindfolded tea. The thing, you know, the thing about that house was, it seemed like it was in a residential neighborhood. Yeah, it sure did.

So I just want to see like the neighbors, like the Wilson from Home Improvement of like, what the fuck is going on? Wait a second. What are you building over there? What are you building? What is that, some sort of sexual torture device? Uh oh.

What are you doing? You gonna put that kid from town in it that's not your son? Who's at your house every day? You gonna put him in this weird thing? Yeah, cool, okay, I'll talk to you later. Oh, Mr. Tanaka's just beating the shit out of that weird French kid again.

How you doing, Mr. Tanaka? I don't know, I think Tanaka might be blaming the French kid for his son's death. All I do is see him beating the shit out of the kid every day, they're involved in something mixed up. I would love to be that, I'd love to make a movie that is just that neighbor's story. A movie that is this movie adjacent.

Just the beginning of it, just seeing what's going on, the private investigators coming to the house. And then we get. Oh, I have a question though, because while we're still at the relative beginning Is he in the army? Yeah, what is what? I believe we're to believe that he is

This is what I'm putting it together from a little bit of that I know Frank Frank Dukes and this he is an elite CIA operative that they are training to be a killing machine It was never explained. Frank... Is this at all related to the character that he plays in Street Fighter? It would seem so. I feel like both would wear a beret.

According to Wikipedia, yes. Nice. That character is based, or Street Fighter is based on that character. Really? That's what Wikipedia said. Yeah, amazing. I mean, you would argue that every character,

you know, they say like Quentin Tarantino, all the characters are related in one big universe. I would argue that every character Jean-Claude Van Damme plays is related to the Jean-Claude Van Damme. Or it's just the same person and he's not even doing a character. He just has the thing that he goes,

yeah, there's no character. No. Frank Dux. But yeah, he seemed to be like, left alone on the army base, by himself on the army base. They were very, I mean, they wouldn't be going after one guy who's AWOL. Like, I feel like they would, like.

They chase him across the world. And seemingly don't ever have, stop him. No, they know the hotel he's staying in. They know where Kumite is. Like, they could easily stop him numerous times. No, they sit down and watch the fight. Like, they- Yes, they cheer.

Yeah, they cheer. Oh yeah. They didn't do anything to stop it. Which also brings it to the whole idea, and we'll get to this eventually too, but of Coumatay, I thought it was super secret. These fucking FBI agents like walk in like, oh, do we have a seat the fuck right here?

Also, everybody, the journalist woman can't get anybody to tell her where Coumatay is. Like, everybody's like, Coumatay, ha ha, nice try. But there are conservatively, like, 500 spectators at Coumatay. It's a large venue. And there are just very ordinary people there. They're like, everybody's just like,

oh yeah, you going to Kumite tonight? Definitely. See you there, Kumite. But you know where Kumite was? They had to walk through, like, the streets of Agrabah to get to. Like, weird tarps hanging. No, I agree. It looked like the sets from Gymkhana. It was.

I mean, Kumite also believed, the way it was positioned, was like, this is a also believed, the way it was positioned was like, this is a fight for fighters, to watch fighters. But then you get there, people are fucking betting, it looks like there's a big party going on. It wasn't like an elite group of people. It looked like scumbags that you would see. Yeah, the most basic of basic people

were just like, hello! Yeah, it didn't even feel like you needed to, only one guy shows up in a suit. Like, that one guy's like, I'm a fancy man. But you would think everyone would be fancy men. No, just like- Wait, you would think everyone would be fancy men? Well, I mean, in general.

I just wanna make sure we don't just run right past. No, I- So you think Koumete is like, everybody puts on their fineries and goes to Koumete? I think that the way that it was positioned, like, this is an elite thing, the best of the best. Yeah. Like, people put on nice suits to go watch a boxing match, which is on pay-per-view in public.

People dress up to go to the Magic Castle. So like. It is required though. I wish, I wish there was more blood sport at Magic Castle. I would like to be in Magic Castle and have the whole crowd just start going, kuma, kuma, kuma, and have two magicians be like,

we have to fight each other now. Just throwing cards at each other's necks. With close-up magic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would say not since the Fred Savage

Nintendo movie, The Wizard, have I watched two men play video games for about a minute? For a full scene. A full scene. I was, I got paused and I was like, really? What did I just fucking watch? And a shitty video game.

It's not like one of those times where they're like, they get into the movie, he's like, oh, this is a video game that doesn't exist. He's like, no, no, this exists. It's just a very, yeah. And it is mind-blowingly boring to watch two, and they're grown men. And their conversation is boring. It's like, you're good at this.

And he's like, yup. And that's it. Did the sensei teach them the art of video game? Cause it was like, he was like, oh, I am good. Like, how would you be- How would you- You're training quite to button pushing. Like it's like, oh, and I'm-

And you'll also be very good at Ms. Pac-Man. And it's also- Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, it is a- What game is it good at Miss Pac-Man. And it's also, yeah, that's the thing. It's like, it is a, what game is it, nerds? Super Karate. Super Karate. Real specific. There was nothing super about the karate that was happening in the game,

but I was like, oh, of course it has to be a game in which they're fighting. Wouldn't it have been so much better if it was like Centipede. Yeah. Yeah, and they're like, with the roller track. That would have made me much happier, or like joust. Where you ride an ostrich around

and knock soldiers off large eagles and make them lay eggs, which you collect. Also known as the game joust. My favorite video game. Oh yeah, it is a real game. Oh yes. Never in my life heard of that. Joust and dig dug.

Dig dug, I dig dug. Get to blow up these yes. Never in my life heard of it. Joust and Dig Dug. Dig Dug, I like Dig Dug. Get to blow up these ghosts. It's like reverse Pac-Man. Yeah, it's like you have to build tunnels underground. Oh God, man. You're basically making the Pac-Man base. You have missed everything. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'll go home and download it. Yeah. Wait, can you, I wonder if you can download it. Yeah. Wait, can you download it? You can binge watch all of Dick Dug. If I can download Joust, game over life. Oh, by the way, you can download Joust. You think?

I think it would be almost comically easy. I think you can, I think you can download Joust on a flip phone. Really? Fuck, I'm gonna get a flip phone and download Just. My night just got rad. But the video game introduces to me my favorite character in the whole fucking movie.

Oh boy, what was his name? This Ray Jackson. Ray Jackson. Ray Jackson. Ray Jackson. Jackson, I killed him! I killed him, yeah! That was so sad, I was like, get back in there!

What are you doing? No recognizable martial art that I could tell. Or fighting. Also no fighting skills. He's like the Kimbo Slice of this tournament. How did he get in? Meanwhile Jean-Claude gets there and they're like, how do we know that you're part of this house? Break these bricks. It's like him. Yep, you're in? Yup. He, like, meanwhile, like Jean-Claude gets there and they're like, how do we know that you're part of this house? Break these bricks.

It's like him, like, yep, you're in, dude. Wearing your Harley Davidson shirt, get in there. Stop fucking waiting by the door. Go, go. Exactly, you seem to have to be like somebody important to get into the Cuma-Tay unless you're Ray Jackson. Roy or Ray? Ray, I think.

Ray. He can just wander right in. You know what it is, the judges were big fans of Revenge of the Nerds. So they were like, go, get in there. Yeah, he gets in there. And I mean, he's just a mess. He's a mess of a mess.

He also has like a jerry curl. He just didn't look good. I thought they were originally going to be enemies, because you first see him being really rude to a woman on the bus that they're on. And JCBD is like, clocks it like, I don't like that guy, he's a creep. You know, and then they play video games and he's like, I like this guy.

He lets me beat him and is still cool about it. And then they're bros. Then they are literally best friends. And Ray Jackson sits in the stands and he's like, yeah, that's my guy, that's my friend. He's on the world record. 90% of this movie's dialogue is exposition. Just telling you as the audience what you just saw.

There is an entire character. You beat him, you hit him with your fist. He's wearing a red jacket, you're wearing a black one. There's a character whose only job is to jump in from the side of the screen to explain what's happening now. Literally, Ray Jackson has my favorite line in the movie. He goes, that's why they call it blood sport. Yes.

Because someone got a little bit of blood. A little bloody nose. And there wasn't very much blood. Yeah, I was like, that's boxing. That's really even worse than boxing. Oh. The villain of the movie is just the guy that always wins named Chung Lee.

He is, like, the baddest of badasses, and he's, like, represented accordingly. Like, every fight he gets in, he toys with people, blah, blah, blah. And my favorite is Ray Jackson's first match. He knocks his guy out, walks out, and goes up to Chung Lee. He's like, I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you! blah blah blah. And my favorite is Ray Jackson's first match. He knocks his guy out, walks out and goes up to Chung Lee. He's like, I'm gonna kill you.

I'm gonna kill you. I was like, this guy's coming in hot. Chung Lee is a legit badass and this dude is not. By the way, just in case you're wondering where they find this guy, he was Mr. Asia, and that's how they got him, and there was no stunt people used in this movie. So everyone is really fighting. That was a big thing about this movie. Zero stunt people, everyone had to do their own stuff.

So that's what you see, that's what you get, and I think that's why that one guy who seemingly is the only actor, Ray Jackson, the Revenge of the Nerds guy, has no discernible fighting technique. Because while Jean-Claude is out for three months working with Frank Dukes, he's just drinking beers and just going like, yeah! His, it seemed like his big movement

was just to push people off the white stage. Like that was basically it. Like, cause that was winning too. Yeah, if you push them out of the ring or whatever. The guy that was my favorite, and it's hard to, I can describe for the audience better, but he kind of had his hands out like, Is that from here?

No, no, he's like sleeping, like almost like a sleeping like Frankenstein. I believe you're describing Paco. Yeah, yeah, Paco. But Paco is actually Muay Thai kickboxer. He's one of the most... I will say, I'm not surprised to hear that all the stunts, there were no stuntmen because I felt like all those fighters looked legitimately like they were doing all the fighting and

it looked cool. Like all the fight stuff I was super into and was terrific. I wouldn't have liked much more. Yeah, the fight, I mean, the fighting was, I mean, what'd you think of the fighting? I loved the fighting, but the thing I loved the most was when that guy got his gold tooth knocked out and that little old man was just like. The most conspicuous janitor of all time.

You know in cartoons they show you thought bubbles? This guy articulated that without ever seeing a thought bubble. I saw everything that went in his head in real time. I want to know where he went. Like, where's his, you know, story? I want to know. He stole the gold tooth. Then check this. You'll be like, I'm not just going to take a fucking...

Yeah, it's gold. All right, now I'll pocket it. Do that shit at home. Do it real quick and then do it. He, he be like, I'm not just gonna take a fucking, yeah, it's gold, all right, now I'll pocket it. Do that shit at home, steal it real quick and then steal it. But to his credit, like, kind of steals the movie. Like a real, like he's like, oh, all I get to do

in this movie is like, steal a gold tooth, oh, I'm gonna make a meal out of this. This is gonna be the longest little drama you've ever seen. Do we even wanna touch on the fact that Forrest Whitaker is in this movie? Oh. Oh, Forrest. He's so dumb in it.

Yeah, he's so dumb. Like so stupid and he's like on the boats trying to chase him and he just, he can't balance and his face just looks dumber. He is- But the thing is he's supposed to be like the smarter of the two detectives because he's constantly being steamrolled

by the older guy who's his partner, who's like a real piece of shit. And it's such a fraudulent storyline to have these like FBI agents or whatever they are, army guys or whoever, chasing him down when we don't entirely know why they want him back so bad. They don't say anything. The only thing that we know is, where's Dukes?

Sirius scape. God damn it. Like, get him back. That's the all, of a movie full of exposition, that's all we know from him. And then when they finally do find him, and he leads them on a chase through, I believe, all of China. I'm gonna-

And Forrest Whitaker and an old man keep up the entire time. The entire time, yeah. They're never far behind, but it's also because JCVD is kind of clowning the entire time. He's really having fun with them. I would love it if somebody would just put Yakety Sax over that.

Oh my God, please do that. If one of your nerds could just take the chase scene and just put Yakety Sax over the whole thing. Ava will do that. That would be pretty terrific. That would be amazing. Here's the thing about the two of them. They also hate Asian culture

because when they're eating like the Chinese food, they're like, no, this is... No, Forest Whitaker loves it. Yeah, Forest Whitaker's so into it. Forest Whitaker loves it, the old guy doesn't, and then the other Asian man comes and goes, I wouldn't eat that, and then they throw it to the dog, and the dog's like, no?

No? I thought the Asian man was saying like, I wouldn't eat here, and then Forest Whitaker was like, but like, I couldn't eat here. And then Farz Wittaker was like, but like I couldn't make heads or tails of that scene. What was- It was tough. They were like, yeah. I couldn't tell if they were like,

cause like they're trying to be like these idiots, but yet they always seem to get to where they need to go. They're not like- I couldn't understand why the police chief was protecting. I felt like protecting Kumite and then eventually is like, oh no, we gotta take down Kumite. Just shut down Kumite. police chief was protecting, I felt like protecting Koumetei, and then eventually is like, oh no, we gotta take down Koumetei.

Just shut down Koumetei. Like it seems like that was the easiest thing to do. You can't shut down Koumetei, bro. Is Koumetei real? Am I to believe if Frank Dukes is real? According to Frank Dukes, it is 100% real. But he broke the rule by talking about it? Well, he was actually a CIA operative

that was told to enter into the Kumite. He was, oh, he was ordered to? Yes. My involvement in the tournament was part of a plan launched in 1975 to infiltrate the criminal organizations that organized the Kumite. The original idea was to participate and make a few contacts.

We initially assumed I would lose, but eventually I became one of the best the kumite. The original idea was to participate and make a few contacts. We initially assumed I would lose, but eventually I became one of the best kumite fighters ever to participate in the event. That's fantastic. That's great. So that is that. So then the whole beginning is fabricated

of him escaping because they sent him in. Yeah, they didn't wanna like get into, they didn't wanna like, obviously it's kind of that thing about like, you know, when they, they don't wanna expose the government. This is like back in the time where films weren't trying to like sell out the government,

they were protecting it. Cause obviously, kumatays where most of the criminal stuff was going down in the ages. The biggest crime bosses were going to watch organized fighting in Hong Kong. No, they weren't. That's all a lie.

Can we talk about the romance? I thought the romance- I was just gonna say. I feel like the romance was a real afterthought. Like, he was like, let me go fuck up some dudes. Eh, I'ma fuck this bad bitch. She was hot though. She was like, gorgeous.

She was Foxy 80s lady. I loved her. They basically only met twice. Yeah. And then she was like, you can't fight in the Kuma tank. I love you. Like they were like.

Well it's because they fuck and she caught that dick game and she was like, yes. I'm never letting that go. You can't go to Kuma tank. He will split into my vagina. With that baby soft dick. Oh, God.

Paul, don't be so dirty. I want to show... They have what amounts to a one night stand and then have the most tender morning I've ever seen. Like it is like fingers entwined like drinking each other in like and he basically is like I gotta go to Coumaté, babe. And then she's like, okay. And then he arrives at Coumaté and seconds later, she is dolled up in a fucking dress with another dude.

She's like, hey, I'm undercover. Wait, how the fuck did that happen? Because I'm telling you, if that dick game is good, you will do anything to get it back. Like how many people is she blasting to try and get into Kuma-Tang? Is what I wanna know. Like I have concerns.

That is questionable journalism. But she's gorgeous. I love her. Averill, Averill who puts together all of our clips, pointed out something here that I thought was interesting. She's like, if you watch this scene and you listen to it if you're at home right now or at work wherever. Or on the subway. Or in a car. Or in a subway, walking. and you listen to it if you're at home right now, or at work, wherever.

Or on the subway, or in a car. Or on the subway, or in a car. Whether you're on headphones. Cleaning the house. Laundry, a lot of people doing laundry, listening to the podcast. The, it seems as if this scene was shot when neither was in the same room.

So the intensity of the conversation does not really match up. And if you view it like that, it's amazing. Just think of them not being there and not reading anything off of anyone. Like it's, yeah, here we go. It's self-explanatory, here we go. All those different fighters in one event.

Sounds wild. You have to see it to believe it. Oh, come on, Frank. Couldn't you just get me in? I really want this story. It would mean so much to me. They have strict rules. No press. I bet we could think of something. I doubt it.

You're telling me you never break rules? What do you want from me? I'd really like you to help me get into the CUNTE. But more than that, I'd really like to get to know you. I'd generally have an eye on you. I'd generally have an eye on you. I'd generally have an eye on you. Crazy.

We have immediately, they have fucked. It's morning. He's like, I'm late for kumite. And then we get this beautiful, beautiful buns. Get ready. Three, two's like, I'm late for kumite, and then we get this beautiful, beautiful buns. Ready? Three, two, one, and buns! Damn it. She doesn't.

Buns! Watching those buns. Yeah, he's giving her a little treat. Yeah. We talked about it a little bit, but when Ray Jackson does knock out Chung Lee, he parades around a little like, like just wait until you win. Like his epic, like I guess they were like, we don't want to show him being a bad fighter.

It was like, it's like the best like macho reasoning. It's like, well, look, he's not a bad fighter. Okay. Yeah. But we got to make him lose. Right, okay, well, what if he wins? But then he's, like, too excited that he wins, and then he gets sneak attack. Like, they had to, like, find this middle ground.

It's like when Vin Diesel and the Rock fight. It's like, they can't. Neither can win, neither can lose. They just have to hit each other and then fall back two paces. Like, all right, next time. You know, it's like, they're like... Well, they also can't have Chung Lee appear to be able to be beaten by Ray Jackson.

Otherwise, it doesn't make sense for him to go against J.C.D. Gates. But yeah, he does, though. He does knock him down. What's the... But if Ray Jackson just was like, pop-pop, pop-pop, pop-pop, he would have beaten him. Mm-hmm. Yeah, if he kept hitting him, he would have beaten him. That's Paul's training coming through right there. Pop-pop, pop-pop, pop-pop, pop-pop.

But it just seemed like Ray Jackson's thing was just to hit people in the head until they were unconscious. And even Jean-Claude Van Damme was like, what are you doing? Get back into it. That's my Jean-Claude Van Damme. I liked it.

Should I put it on the SNL reel? Was it good? It is flawless. It is, for those people at home, they just were like, fuck, they got JCBD there? What, are you fucking listening to this? Van Damme is there. But he is literally, if you timed it,

I would think he's parading around the stage. It's like a good 30 seconds. You're like, just like turn around, like the ref. And these refs, come on, these refs are not doing it. It's only one guy. I mean, it's just one guy in a brown silk outfit. Now, I will say, I'm stealing June's joke. I watched this with June and she said,

what are these refs watching for? It's no holds barred. They're like, what are they gonna stop the fight for? He basically starts the fight. Nothing, they kill people. But they're like, kneeling into it. Like a lot of the times, that He basically starts the fight. They kill people. Oh yeah, but they're like kneeling into it. Like a lot of the times that ref is like, huh, huh, huh.

Like there's no way he can go. I think they're waiting for them to say that word. There's a word that you- The mate. Yeah, mate. So I guess they're waiting for that whisper. But yet fucking Chung Lee pulls out powder from his crotch. Yes.

In an aggressive way. Yeah, and nobody seemed to care. That rep is like, not on my way. I don't care. This episode of How Did This Get Made brought to you by Chung Lee crotch powder. And Squarespace. Are you building a website?

Why not build a Chung Lee crotch powder website for Squarespace. Bonobos. Chung Lee Crunch Powder website for Squarespace. But hobos, but hobos, the pants with built in Crunch Powder. But in all honesty, see so, see so, see so. See so. See so. Poorlandia is back.

Poorlandia is back. Funny for you at home, the audience has now probably heard the three commercials that have. But. I will say, I feel like, when, okay, so Ray Jackson. Yeah, Ray Jackson. Ray Jackson, he hits Chung Lee, Chung Lee goes down. Ray Jackson has previously, as I've said,

said to Chung Lee, I'm gonna kill you. So then he starts parading around the stage going, yeah, I killed him, I killed him. I killed him. And I was like, oh, he doesn't know what kill means. He thinks kill means I'm gonna knock you down from which you can still get up. Because that's all that has happened.

Chung Lee is not dead on the ground. No, Ray Jackson is, I killed him. I killed Jackson, Jackson. And Chung Lee's just dead on the ground. No. Ray Jackson is like, I killed him! I killed Jackson! Jackson! And Chung Lee's just like on his knees, like looking at his bloody nose, like, oh. Oh, yo, he like, he tastes that blood. He's like, hmm, I like my own blood.

Oh, yeah. That makes me hungrier. It was pretty sad when Ray started the chant for his own name. Oh, yeah. And it didn't catch on. And then literally had his head stomped in. It was like, oh.

Oh! The saddest moment in a It was like, oh. Oh. The saddest moment in a Kumate Spider's life. Do you think the Harley Davidson bandana was a product placement? No, I think he brought that personal piece of wardrobe. And they were like, I don't know, that works. Like, hey, we need to get you into wardrobe. Fuck no, I'm going to set.

Yep, I'm already in wardrobe, brother. I didn't train. I didn't train for this movie and I'm wearing my own shit. I wanna. Also, I am drunk. Who am I really fighting? I do wanna talk, I wanna talk to the audience about what they think that we've missed here,

but I do wanna also bring up something that Nate, who is our researcher, Nate Kiley, brought up something. He is a third degree black belt. And he said- Nate is? Nate, and he says, not hard to do, you know, practice and do your art. But he goes, I'm gonna nerd out here

about martial arts for a second. And this is about the beginning of the movie when Jean-Claude Van Damme is given the katana blade, which never comes into play. Nope. Ever. But there is a sword ceremony at the end of the movie where I think he gets another sword. Right.

Um. Dude's just drowning in swords he never uses. Just not the, it's like giving Jeb Bush a gun. Like there's no reason to give it to him. Wait, wait, why? Why is it like that? I don't know do you see that gun that Jeff Bush was like just playing with his name? Just a ceremonial gun? Here's a gun. I thought you meant so that he could do something with it. Oh I don't know.

Technically when you give a Japanese sword to someone the blade must be facing toward you and upwards. This is to show respect towards the person accepting the sword. When you receive a Japanese sword it's customary to turn the blade towards yourself when the other person lets go. If someone ever handed a real samurai sword with the blade facing towards the receiver, like he does to Frank in the movie, it would be considered offensive and hostile,

and you would be justified in drawing that sword and killing the person who offered it to you. How rad would that have been? The rules, the rules and customs for sword etiquette in Japan can vary slightly depending on the region and style, but this is steadfast across the board. That would have been the best opening scene.

Bloodsport. All right, well, let's go into the audience here. Let's see, if you guys have questions about Bloodsport, things that we might have missed, anything at all. Oh, let me get my stickers for you. All right, get those hands up. This movie was retitled many a time and it finally landed on Bloodsport.

So I'm gonna ask you also, what is your title for this film? Think about it for a second. I'm gonna also ask you your name. You shouldn't have to think about that. And then your questions. There you go. So your about that. And then your questions. Here we go. So your name, your title, your question. Here we go.

My name is, my name is Camilla. Welcome. Is it Camilla Parker Bowles? Be cool, Jason. What? Be cool. CPB? All right, here we go.

My title would be Bunsport. Ooh, great title. Good title. I just wonder if there's any significance to the fact that in flashbacks, young Van Damme has very tall hair, but in current timeline, his hair is combed flat to the side

like a seven-year-old boy on picture day. His hair is, that's a great question. I'm gonna give you a sticker designed by Leanna Waldron. It says top butt and has a still from the great Wachowski Brothers film that I forgot the title, Cloud Out, what was it? I forget that movie. Jupiter Sending.

Yeah, his hair is perfectly quaffed like a little boy. Again, not to bring up my son, but when I comb his hair and he has no control over what I'm doing, that's what it looks like. There's also, frequently, people refer to him as like being too young. Like, aren't you a little young for to be in the Koumete? No, that would be the thing that you would do, right?

And I'm like, I don't understand. Like, he's a grown man. Koumete's an old man sport. Maybe they were trying to say with the hair, like, oh, he's still like, He's still like a young boy. Yeah, or something, I don't know. Oh, that's, that's a sense.

Well, that's a typical military cut, right? Totally. Yeah. Totally. I mean, if he really was in the military, he would have to have a military cut. Regulation military haircut. Yes, your name, your title, and your question.

My name is Kathleen and kumate, kumate, kumate. I love it. Don't try to curry favor with the audience, Colleen. They tried. My question is, what career did you inherit from your father? Oh, yes. Great question. You'll also get a sticker.

This was commemorating when we were on Jeopardy. The reporter says, I was a good writer, my dad was a reporter, so I became a reporter, right? So what did, yeah, what career did you inherit? I don't know if there's a good answer for us, but, all right, that question bombed. I'm gonna take back that sticker.

I thought that was a funny scene when the reporter justifies being a reporter. She was, I mean, I would love to read the story she's written. You know, I would, I would, and I want, I hope that it's honest. And they don't end up together. Oh no, the movie goes out on a,

symbolic bow between them. Yep. Oh God, that's so sad. Just friends. Yes. She got friend zoned so hard. She got on a plane and fucking left her. I would love that to be- No goodbye kiss. No. No. I would love that to be- No goodbye kiss.

No. No. I would love that to be the new way that you end a one night stand. Fist in palm, bow, and then leave. Get on a plane, fly away. Get in your Prius and just fucking hit the gas. Bye bye.

You guys tonight, some of you are on dates, you filthy weirdos. You're gonna sleep with each other, some of you are on dates, you filthy weirdos. You're gonna sleep with each other. Some of you are never, it's not gonna happen again. Do your favorite, don't ghost the person. Just give them one of these. They'll know what it means. Let's make this a thing we do now.

And if you do, report. Oh, is that where we're at? Report on it, please report on it. I just wanna know, where's this going? Oh, fuck you. Oh, don't you ceremonially bow to me. All right, sir. Your name, your title for Bloodsport, and your question.

My name is Trevor, and I think the title should be The Quest because it's the same exact plot as The Quest. Good call. Of which? Quest. The Quest? Yeah, The Quest, the John Claude Van Damme film, The Quest. Oh, I've not seen that one.

Oh yeah, you should watch that one, it's a good one. Maybe he made multiple movies just in case you didn't see the other one. It's kind of the same. He had no realization of VHS or anything. He's like, I just keep on making these. Just get the word out about this. He's like a standup.

Yeah, I'm just doing a couple sets tonight. You come to the comedy store, you come to the improv. It's the same set, but maybe you didn't see it. JC will come to my house Friday. JCPD's coming to do one of his movies. All right, your question. So when the kid, Frank, breaks into the house to steal the sword, he's wearing a San Francisco Giants hat

and a New York Giants shirt. So like, he's just a fan of the Giants and Giants. Where's the... I will pull up a picture of that, which we have. But yeah, he is just a fan of giants. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See a pic. That is fantastic. That is fantastic. I did not realize that. I did not notice that.

It is, here we go. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Oh man. Oh, that is awesome. He loves to- So if there was no costume designers, wear whatever you're wearing. I love big things. He must love that big guy. The guy who's like the Andre the Giant kind of fighter who just lumbers and swaps. Maybe that's why he likes Ray Jackson.

He has, he like, if Dunne and the correct Lord of the Rings kind of thing, he would look like a giant. He would look like, kind of like the guy from Harry Potter, which I'm forgetting his name right now. Hagrid. He has, he like, if, if Dunne and the correct Lord of the Rings kind of thing, he would look like a giant. He would look like, kind of like the guy from Harry Potter, which I'm forgetting his name right now. Hagrid. Hagrid, yeah. I said it first. We said it together at the same time.

We said it together. Guys, let's all go to Universal Studios tonight. Wizarding world. Hogwarts! Ooh, I wanna be sordid. Okay, here we go. Your name, your title, the film, and your question. My name's Tim. The title is Kume Terrible Acting.

Ooh. Ooh, sick burn. Sing! Sing! So the title card at the end says that he has won the world heavyweight kumite championship. To be heavyweight you have to be over 200 pounds. That, black guys, no. We don't know that.

These are, you're talking about, you're talking about regular kumite, yeah. You don't know how big Jean-Claude Van Damme is. You don't know him to scale, he's in the TV. It also begs the question, are there different divisions of kumite? I think that is likely true. That was not represented in the movie.

I don't know if there's that tiny little monkey man playing with that giant man. That was my favorite fight. It was wild. It seems to me... He scampers all over that guy. Just scampers. Like he's a goddamn playground.

Like I almost thought like the Lion King music was gonna play like, It seems to me... He scampers all over that guy. Just scampers. Like he's a goddamn playground. Like I almost thought like the Lion King music was gonna play. Like, nah, so bad yet. You're like, ha ha ha ha. He moves like Rafiki. Like he should live as a parasitic thing on the giant thing.

Yes. You know what I mean? Like Master Blaster from Mad Max. Yeah. And then the way he gets defeated is he got hugged too hard. Yep. Oh, so cute. It was adorable. Like those two walk away, Blaster from Mad Max. Yeah. And then the way he gets defeated is he got hugged too hard. Yup.

Oh, so cute. It was adorable. Like those two walk away, for sure walk away from Kumite best friends. He just needed a hug. He never needed, maybe he just needed a hug to straighten his body out. He's like, oh, my back is really sore.

Oh yeah, maybe that's why he was still hunched over. Well, that seemed to be the Giants only move cause he also hugs Jean-Claude Van Damme. Maybe he's just like a guy that loves too much. Like those people you bump into Comic Con that like hold up a really like ratty sign that says like free hugs. Wait, that's a real thing?

Yeah. Really? Yeah, I've seen that a lot. Or he's like Lenny from Mice and Men and they're like, ah, you keep killing people. Get that kumatay! Get it, man! I would love Mice and Men 2, the kumatay. Get it, man! Right? I would love, mice and men too,

the kumatang. I would have loved it if they had just been like, Lenny! Kumatang! John Malkovich. All right. Sir, your name, your title,

and your question. My name is Alan, and my title would be kumataint. Ooh, nice. Hey. And my question is, at the end, did you, like me, think that Ray Jackson had his head crushed in by Chung Lee and was dead only to find him drinking a beer in the hospital?

Yeah, they really, again, they whipped out from everything in that moment. That should have been like the Rocky IV Apollo Creed moment. Like Apollo dies and he has to go, but no, it just looked like he got a little cut on his head. It didn't even look that bad. And Chung Lee killed an ancillary guy that we had no allegiance towards.

He wasn't like a favorite of ours. They were like, sequel, sequel. But then after he kills that man, everyone turns their back on him, but then nothing else happens. Yes, yeah, they're basically like, essentially Chung Lee kills a guy in the ring, everybody turns their back on him to basically be like,

not cool, dude. And he says to you like, fuck you, I don't care, I'm Chung Lee. No, Chung Lee does his silent yell. He doesn't know they're dead, he doesn't even know they're ringing the bell because he can't hear. He's like, oh, he's sleeping.

Ma'am, your name, your title, and your question. Anna JCVD's Split Six Travaganza. Ooh, nice. And so this movie is very, very racist, just openly. Hang on, prove it. But when we first see the journalist, and she's like, you know, I know you're here for the coumaday. There's no other reason you could be here.

She's just talking to two Asian businessmen in a Hong Kong hotel. You're so right. Yeah, it's really racist actually, yeah. You know, two things here. First of all, you know how Jean-Claude Van Damme got this movie, this is his first movie. Menachem Golem, who made this movie,

made many of the films we've talked about in this podcast. The Apple, fuck, the list goes on and on. Jean-Claude Van Damme. Master of the Universe. Master of the Universe. Jean-Claude Van Damme saw him outside of a restaurant and went up to him, tried to split kick, did a split kick to his head, but missed him by an inch.

And he was like, you're in the movies, kid. That was it. Really? That was it. That's all you gotta do? Yep. Almost kill someone, and then you get in the movies. Ooh, I can't wait to see Scott Rudin in public.

And then... The question that I had was, who was this guy who was like, it seemed like everyone was at the kumite without like an agent, but yet like the two American guys had this like, like, hey guys, what's going on? Yeah, that guy, like, why was he, what? And he was like part of their crew immediately. It was like, come on, you're my guys. Like as if they were all best friends, which was not the case at all.

Yeah, not at all. They were acquaintances at best. But wait, did Ray Johnson, that's his name, right? Did he go to Kumite before? Is that ever explained? Has he been to Kumite? I feel like he has been to Kumite. He's been to Kumite.

He says, I don't know if he competed, but he knows he was there when Chung Lee killed a guy last year. Right, he saw that. Two years ago or something, he saw that. I don't know if he fought though. Your name, your title, your question, here we go. My name's John.

My alternate title is Girls Just Wanna Have Buns. Nice. And my question is, isn't the guy that Chung Lee killed in the last kumite Tanaka's son? I figured that was how he died. Whoa! Wait, holy shit.

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Oh man. So when the kid beats- That explains a lot. Does that add up? It doesn't add up though,

I don't think so. No, it does add up, because then that's why Jean-Glaude Van Damme has to go to Coumetet to avenge the death of that guy's wife. Holy shit. I don't think so. That was-

And if he says he's gonna grow up, and you know, when he gets beat up. I'm away from him with a microphone. But yeah, that makes sense. Does anybody know this? Is this a known? No. Someone just said that's bullshit.

I think, here's what I think about that. I think that is such an interesting idea, but I don't think the timeline adds up. No, because he was. Because the kid is younger than JCVD. Mm. Right. And JCVD needs to be fully trained before he can even get to Kumite.

But he was very young. Wait, when did he die? Oh, but yeah, he had to go in the army then, too. When did the son die? How old was he? Years and years... Don't know. Yeah, the kid was young. I feel like years prior. Maybe he went to Kid Kumite. You're full of shit, sir.

Yeah, that's like the heavy, lightweight Kumatay. Kid-Mate? Kid-Mate. Kid-Mate. Kid-Mate. Kid-Mate. Kid-Mate. Kid-Mate.

Ooh, let's do a remake of this movie with all kids. Shot for shot. You know, I would love this. The movie had four sequels. Bloodsport 2, the next kumite, Bloodsport 3, no, no, dendem, Bloodsport 4, the dark kumite. I hope that's all black people. That would be, I would legit not be surprised

with the way it is, with the casual racism of these movies. The John Clive Endham did not appear in any of the next kumatais, but there's a new kumatai coming. Guys, we're not spoiling. This is... Uh-oh, HDTV. I'm gonna kidding. Okay. So this will be Bloodsport 5. Mm-hmm. Oh, you know what? I'm gonna... It's a remake. I'll say that. It's a remake. It's not a sequel.

It's a remake. It's not? Is it a reboot? Is there a star attached to it? Is JCVD in it? Is he in it? No. So it's not like... I's not like the Luxe? I'm gonna give you guys this thing, I'm gonna say, you are Hollywood executives, you have this property on your desk.

Ooh, is it Koumete? Re colon ducks. Okay. That's good. Really good. That's very good. That felt great. Oh no, I don't have anything nearly as good. Really good. That's very good. That felt great.

Oh, no, I don't have anything nearly as good. All right. We'll call it, Cumete, we still bloodsportin'. Okay. Both of you wrong. Okay. Both of you great.

Okay, wait, let's keep going. Let's keep guessing. For like an hour. It is called, Lady Bloodsport. Yes! It is called Lady Bloodsport. Yeah! They missed a real opportunity to call it, uh, Cuntatay.

What? Ah, Cuntatay! Cuntatay. Cuntatay. They really missed the boat on that. Lady Bloodsport. Contente. Contente. Contente. Contente. Oh, my gosh.

The people for the next show. Lady Bloodsport. Lady Bloodsport. Oh, man, that's perfect. That is for sure, like, some sort of period situation. Oh. Lady Bloodsport. Lady Bloodsport. It's that time of the month. Oh, my God.

Everybody who listens to this podcast, now start calling your periods. Lady Bloodsport. I've got Lady Bloodsport this week. My bloodsport's coming. Oh, honey, I want to, but I've got Lady Bloodsport right now. Oh, God. And then when you finish Lady Bloodsport,

you put your hand in your ear palm, bow down. Bow to your tampon. I hope Ronda Rousey's in it. I mean, that's what it feels like to me. Like, they're like, Ronda Rousey, Lady Bloodsport. Done. Done. That feels like done.

Ronda Rousey, Michelle Rodriguez. Oh, that would be... I'm in. I'm in. Gina Carano. to Lady Bloodsport. That feels like, done. Ronda Rousey, Michelle Rodriguez. That would be, I'm in. To Lady Bloodsport, I'm fucking in. So good. Fuck, yes, Gina Carano is Ray Jackson. Oh yeah. Right?

She's like a wild card that can't be trusted. Ronda Rousey, JCBP. Like I kind of feel like Angelina Jolie could also pull off a cool ass shit cameo in this too. Is she in it? I don't know. Is this an exclusive?

No, we don't know, we don't know, we don't know. How did this get made exclusive? Alright obviously we had some opinions about this film, but now it is time to hear a different opinion. Obviously you can go online, you can read about Frank Duke's opinion at slashfilm.com as he talks for three hours, that Blake has edited down to a concise, but yet enthralling piece.

Also, if you feel like your voice has not been heard yet, you could call us up at 619 Paul, P-A-U-L, ask, ASK, and you can leave a message, and we'll be playing these on our mini episodes. So if you feel like you need to get a word out, you need to ask a question, we'll do that. That's 619 Paul Ask. But it's a lot of things to do.

Don't fucking call me. They're not calling me. Oh, would you wanna give up your number? That's not my phone number, no. My phone number is not Paul Ask. It would be awesome if it was. It is Paul Ass. It is, yeah.

Because I love damn Bon Son. But now, obviously we had an opinion about this movie, but there are some people out there that had a different opinion. It is now time for Second Opinions. Second opinions. Give it up. Amazing.

Amazing. What are your names? What are your names? Ana. Ana Louise. Ana Louise and Christina, give it up. Give it up. Short, simple, sweet.

How long did you practice? Ha ha ha. Walking up, you guys came up with that? Hmm hmm hmm. All right. How about we put a little more work into it, guys? Ha ha ha. Like I said, these are five star reviews,

pulled from Amazon. We'll get going right here with Kenneth Luang. He writes here, Like I said, these are five star reviews, pulled from Amazon. We'll get going right here with Kenneth Luang. He writes here, as a young and impressionable boy, this movie got me interested in martial arts. I would stand in front of the TV watching this movie, trying to imitate all the moves I saw.

Needless to say, I was the best fighter in first grade and performed. Wow. Needless to say. Needless to say. Needless to say. Perform many punches to kids' groins and spinning kicks to their faces while also breaking necks, Chong Li style. Okay, I'm kidding. But it does raise the issue of TV violence

and its influence on children. Doesn't it? That's a real turn that one takes. Five stars. Five stars. Five stars. Five stars. Five stars. Five stars. Five stars. and its influence on children. Doesn't it? That's a real turn that one takes. Five stars. Oh man.

That guy can't figure it out. This one is probably my favorite one to date. Five stars by David Worth, and it goes something like this. Of course I'm going to give Bloodsport a glowing review. I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer.

I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer.

I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer.

I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer. I was a cinematographer. I was once again back in Hong Kong with JCVD as the director of Kickboxer. The budgets of both of these films combined were less than five million dollars. They still do a ton of business worldwide, became martial arts classics, and launched the career of JCVD. Not bad for the price. Five stars. Like, that's, can we really think about that? He's on Amazon writing reviews for movies he's worked on. Oh, Dave Wirth, come on, man. This is five stars.

Although the martial arts scenes are spectacular, this movie is really about what a man learned from his martial arts training. It's a true story of a man who had a critical junkie and he was spectacular, this movie is really about what a man learned from his martial arts training. It's a true story of a man who had a critical juncture in time when most people would give up in despair,

looked within and found the necessary strength of spirit to face a deadly adversary. It's a story about the power of integrity and character and well worth watching many times. That was better written than the screenplay. That was so lovely. I love that that movie, that person rather, got so much out of the movie.

Yeah. Pulled so much depth out of the movie. When life gives you lemons, you know, kick those lemons. Go to Amazon. Okay. This may be my favorite one too. Two favorites in the air. Go to Amazon. Oh. Oh, okay. This may be my favorite one too. I have two favorites in this one. It is simply titled,

The Jean-Claude Van Damme Review Matrix. Who is he? Frank Dux, the American martial arts expert. Which family member or friend must be avenged? His friend Ray. Does he take his shirt off? He has his shirt off nearly the entire movie. Does he have sex with a CELIX List actress?

Yes. It's cute, but anonymous blonde. Is there a tournament? Only the baddest tournament in the world. Is training needed for the tournament? No, he's already awesome. Does he do splits in the training or in the tournament? Several times.

Does he punch someone in the balls? Let's say he just puts an unfortunate sumo wrestler's balls about a foot higher than normal. Does he do a series of flying or 360 kicks? Yes, and no one dodges them. Is his enemy unbeatable? Chung Lee holds all the records and has killed people in the tournament and makes other black belts wet themselves.

So yeah. Does he overcome an injury or a hindrance? Yes, Chung Lee throws salt in his eyes and Dukes is blinded. Does he win? Not only does he win, but he forces Chung Lee to say, Mate.

This one has it all, folks. It's JCVD's best movie. So I love that this is how you have to review every one of his movies with these 12 questions. That's amazing. They are amazing. That is the best way to review a JCVD movie. Holy shit. with these 12 questions. That's amazing. They are amazing.

That is the best way to review a JCVD movie. Holy shit. Well, for those at home, a simple Google search will show you Frank Dukes. And for you here at the audience, you can see him up close right here. That is Frank.

He looks awesome. He does look awesome. He's amazing. I bet he's got great buns. One thing about him is that he changed his name from Frank D-U-C-K-S, Ducks, to Dicks because he had too many people making fun of his name. Oh no. Not cool.

Poor guy. Poor guy. I feel like we talked about everything. He does the coin trick in the bar. Oh, the coin trick. Oh, the coin trick was good. Because not only did he take the coin, he replaced the coin trick in the bar. Oh, the coin trick. Oh, the coin trick was good. Because not only did he take the coin, he replaced the coin with another coin.

It's a straight-up magic trick. Yeah. Magic castle. I do want to show this one piece. You can't really get the full idea of it, but this is pretty amazing. April found this. This is John Claude Van Damme doing an interview in a gym.

And for those at home, just know that they're both doing sit-ups This is John Claude Van Damme doing an interview in a gym. And for those at home, just so that they're both doing sit-ups while the questions are happening. So I'm gonna just fast forward this first part and here we go. And the interviewer does not look. The interviewer does not look happy to be doing this.

So here we go. So Jean Claude, how did you get in with Canon Films? In Bloodsport? Yeah. It's a funny story. I always want to meet Menahem Golan because you know he's number one action film in the states right now. Especially on karate, ninja film and everything they're doing so I Call canon and I say I've got an important meeting with another he know me. I'm living tomorrow for friends and I didn't tell the truth time, I did my split.

Ahhhhhhh! I was just doing No, take me home. So you got it. I highly recommend that you find the workout I've never seen a man happier bouncing up and down in a split.

His butt was psyched. You can find it on bandamsfans.com fans with a Z. His butt was psyched. You can find it on bandamsfans.com. Fans with a Z, damn Van Dam fans. Do you, I will say this. Oh, can you click on Kumatay song, please? Yes, sure. Cause this song. I'm gonna stake my claim.

Fight to survive. Kumatay, Kumatay, Kumatay. Kumatay, Kumatay, Kumatay, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te, kuma te lyrics are cuckoo bananas. Like, T to B, like nuts. They're great, please dig in on those. Kuma day. Well, this has been a great deconstruction of butt sport. Jason. I don't have anything to plug,

but I would like to take this moment to address a controversy. Oh, this is very good. That exists currently. This is one of those moments where I'm like, so happy I'm not on Twitter. During the Covenant episode, I mistakenly identified the town of Ipswich

as being on the South Shore. Now, no doi, Ipswich is a North Shore town. I know this to be true. I played soccer in Ipswich against Ipswich. I broke my leg on an Ipswich soccer field, but I totally had a brain fart, guys, and I fucked it up. So my apologies to all the fucking assholes who are like losing their minds

that I misidentified it. What? The South Shore assholes? No, to the people who are like losing their minds that I've misidentified it. What? The South Shore assholes? No, to the people who are like, fuck you, you don't know where Ipswich is, you're a piece of shit. You don't have Twitter, I do.

So because of that, I got all of that Ipswich anger with maps and fucking pointers. You tell Jason. And I was like... No, it's, uh, they are all 100% right. My sincerest apologies to the North Shore awesome people of Ipswich. Fuck you, South Shore, still. But that's all me. All me.

I fucked up, guys. I really fucked up. Well, thank you for imagining that. I'm genuinely so sorry. I apologize. Please forgive me. I was on my Lady Bloods board. That's how you use it in a sentence. This show could not be done without some amazing help. Obviously, July up in the booth, everybody here at Largo.

April Halle, who put together all of our Cascada movie bitches on YouTube to watch a very special JCVD expose of his buns. Nate Kiley, who gave us all that amazing sword research. Marissa Zeitz, Leanna Waldron, designing all those great stickers. Everybody at Earwolf and you for coming out to this live show.

Thank you all for coming. Good night.