How Did This Get Made? - Expend4bles LIVE! w/ Jessica St. Clair

Episode Date: July 25, 2025

Stallone Summer continues with 2023's Expend4bles (aka The Expendables 4), a movie that's essentially a senior citizen Fast & Furious. LIVE from San Francisco, Jessica St. Clair starts to lose her mind but nevertheless helps Paul & Jason cover Stallone & Statham's sexual chemistry, protocol for using brass knuckles, Sly's skull ring, the motorcycle chase on a boat, all the awful green screen, the Megan Fox & Jason Statham sex scene, the bonkers list of actors considered for Andy Garcia's role, and so much more. Don't forget to sign up for our Men's Studies intensive class! And we don't know what Salesforce does, but thank you Salesforce for being our unofficial sponsor. • Go to hdtgm.com for tour dates, merch, FAQs, and more• Have a Last Looks correction or omission? Call 619-PAULASK to leave us a voicemail!• Submit your Last Looks theme song to us here• Join the HDTGM conversation on Discord: discord.gg/hdtgm• Buy merch at howdidthisgetmade.dashery.com/• Order Paul’s book about his childhood: Joyful Recollections of Trauma• Shop our new hat collection at podswag.com• Paul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheer• Paul’s YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheer• Follow Paul on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer• Subscribe to Enter The Dark Web w/ Paul & Rob Huebel: youtube.com/@enterthedarkweb• Listen to Unspooled with Paul & Amy Nicholson: unspooledpodcast.com• Listen to The Deep Dive with June & Jessica St. Clair: thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcast• Instagram: @hdtgm, @paulscheer, & @junediane• Twitter: @hdtgm, @paulscheer, & msjunediane  • Jason is not on social media• Episode transcripts available at how-did-this-get-made.simplecast.com/episodesGet access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using the link: siriusxm.com/hdtgm

They're too old for this shit. I mean, actually, I think they really are too old for this shit. Well, I mean, technically, they were too old for this shit, but now they actually have a lot of young people in it, too. So I guess maybe some are too old, but then some are young. But then it's also like, well, I mean, some are not even action stars anymore. I don't know. We saw Expendablesable for so you know what that means And take a bow, speed to hitting crew is control J.M.I.N., Big Paul, and the beautiful June Gonna take you from the groove while the wind is rollin' Rain the game, the street fighter hopes to blow off steam

Just a sucker punch the on lights, attempt it for three shots Little bit birdemic, how you standin' alive They callin' him their bad ass and he's on the line Crankin' 88 liners cause they cool as ice Cause they bad Jim, Bonnie lookin' kind and nice Callin' June, gettin' little, Jason is getting lame. Jewels make us show all the monkey shots, give me pain. There's just a bunch of movies, one that make him the great.

Here's a real question for you, how did this kid pay? Hello, people of Earth! Hello, people of San Francisco! Let's give a round of applause for the people of San Francisco! Well, well. It's not often we get a chance to talk about the fourth entry in a series. And it's because most movies that are this bad don't make four entries. They're done in two. But this one came out September 21st, 2023. Tagline to Expendables 4, they'll die when they're dead. Now again, I will say

works for Stallone. Everybody else seems pretty young. I guess Dolph Lundgren, maybe he'll die when he's dead. But it's getting younger and younger. One of the cool things about this franchise was, they were old action stars, but now they're all young. IMDB calls this film, or they describe this film as, armed with every weapon they can get their hands on. The Expendables are the world's last line of defense and the team that gets called when all other options

are off the table. Budget 100 million dollars. Opening weekend 8 million dollars. Domestic growth 16 million dollars. Domestic growth, 16 million dollars. Woof. Alright, Expendables 4 apparently is the end of the franchise. But, we'll reveal in just a little bit all the ways it went to to get to this film. Because, well you know what I'll save it. I'll save it because we have so much to

unpack. Let me introduce our co-host for tonight. Please welcome to the stage Mr. Jason Manzoukas! Lucas! What's up, Jerks? Let's go! Come on, San Francisco! Here we go! Yeah! Yes!

Yes! Let's tear Salesforce Tower to the ground! Yeah! Let's tear Salesforce Tower to the ground! Yeah! Let's tear Salesforce Tower to the ground! Yeah! Let's tear Salesforce Tower to the ground!

Yeah! Let's tear Salesforce Tower to the ground! Yeah! Let's tear Salesforce Tower to the ground! Yeah! Let's tear Salesforce Tower to the ground! Yeah! Let's tear Salesforce Tower to the ground!

Yeah! Let's tear Salesforce Tower to the ground! Yeah! Let's tear Salesforce Tower to the ground! Yeah! Let's tear Salesforce Tower to the ground! I don't know what they do, but I know I don't trust it! Jason, Expendables 4. Have you seen any Expendables? Okay, here's what I realized when I started this movie. I've never seen an Expendable in my life.

And I'll be honest, after watching 4, I'm still not sure I've seen one. Because I don't know what this was. Here's the thing. This seemed like a longish episode of the A-Team. This is, well, that's not far from what the Expendables do. Yeah. The difference is, and I've seen the first two, dropped out for three, came back for four, is that you would have a lineup of every star magical, the love boat.

That's what Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger,ger wasn't that it was a cavalcade of stars Chuck Norris it's action stars some of them who can barely still walk they just put a gun on them wait who's that I Chuck Norris oh that's Chuck Norris Chuck Norris when he came on face didn't move looks like you guys need some help oh never saw him again Walker. Yeah so they pull everybody out. Has Seagal ever been in one of these? No. No he doesn't get along with these guys. I would like it if he was the villain in one of these. Would be great. Right? Wouldn't that be good? I mean edit this out. Well no we don't have to edit this out. I mean he's a notorious piece of shit. Right yeah. That's why I said we don't get him. Let me be clear I'm not

saying that because I love Seagal. I like his politics, but here's the thing. No, no, Paul, I will not agree with that. His politics are reprehensible, his blues guitar is transcendent. Yes. I like Stephen Seagal with his Cajun voice and accent, dropping hits my friend his Native American ancestry oh boy and his Russian citizenship I mean a true villain I heard he just got put in charge of Doge haha my friend was the AD who worked with Steven Sagal he said that they would choreograph these elaborate fight scenes and then Sagal will come on set and he would listen and you know touch his goatee look and look and all right yeah so I'm gonna throw him on this table and then I'm gonna walk over here I'm gonna use that pool kill I'm gonna hit him in the head

all right I'm gonna go over here and I'm gonna flip that guy over the pool table yeah what if I was sitting and one guy came up to me on the left side, another guy came up to me on the right side, and when I was sitting I just do one of these and I knock him out. They go, well Stephen that, yeah, would you want to get up? No. I love it. He just wanted to sit in his seat and punch people. Yeah. That's the- My left arm's hitting the right guy. Do yourself a favor and watch the videos of him

doing like martial arts demonstrations in which like fit men run at him. And he's just like, and they throw themselves to the ground. The other best Steven Seagal story is him saying to someone in a meeting, I just read the greatest script ever written. And the person goes, whoa, that's incredible.

Who wrote it? He goes, I did. Gotta give it up, gotta give it up. A true, true monster. A prolific villain. And there's only one name that's synonymous with villain. And that is our other co-host for tonight. Please welcome to the stage, Jessica St. Clair!

Welcome, Jessica! We have Jessica on loan from the deep dive to join us for a tour that has been full of beefcake but in this film no one takes their shirts off. Who cares? I loved it. I love this movie! Wow! You've gotten expendables peeled? You had me at Stallone and Statham. They've got sexual chemistry.

Yes! This- Wait, are they actually brothers? No, no. No, they're more than brothers. Well, they're friends, but they are soul brothers. They're brothers. They're brothers in arms, I know that, but twice they were referred to as brothers and

I was like, what do they mean exactly? They're brothers. Okay, I know that but I was twice they were referred to as brothers and I was like Okay, very cool way to do that the brothers very cool very normal is But if you took all of the fighting out of this movie you've got them in the ways you've got beaches You've got terms of endearment. Well've got my favorite movie, The Expendables. I will say this. I do love Jason Statham in this movie. Like, I think he is great. I'm willing to say I love Jason Statham in everything.

Yes! He gets it. He understands what he's in, what he's doing. He's funny. He's fit. He is in no way Stallone's contemporary at all. Not at all. Not at all.

When he's such a good actor, you believe they are. He's making everybody else look better. Statham's making everybody else look better, and he's also selling his fight scenes better than anybody else. Oh, because he is actually an action star. That was the thing. Oh, except for Tony Jaa, who is, like, next level. Amazing.

And Ico Aueus, that guy also. Those scenes are nuts. But Statham, I mean, just hang a whole movie on the guy. By the way. Hang a lot on him. Hang on the guy. By the way. Hang a lot on him. Hang on whatever we can get of his that can be hard. Hang it.

Hang a towel on it. Wow. Hang whatever you can in it. Oh, okay. Hang me on it. Wow. I love Jason Statham, but I will say I found his relationship with Megan Fox to be very fulfilling. I like it.

I love it when they were tossing around. Yeah! I like that tattoo, so did your brother, that's fun. Oh, yeah. Well, okay! Did she fuck his brother? Maybe? Who's his brother?

It's not Stallone. Let go of that fantasy of yours. Let it go. My questions are these, because I think my guess is a substantial amount of plot mechanics in this movie, and maybe I'm just way off base, are predicated on having seen the first three movies. I think, again, I have not.

I think a few, because there's a lot of new, this is a very new team. I believe, any expendable experts out there that Megan Fox came in in three really no she came in in four whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa Is there one person who has an encyclopedic knowledge of expendable someone is very cockily raising their hands Can we get house lights, please? All right I'm super curious about this too because they who is we start in their relationship so heavily Oh boy, this guy's come this game First of all, I looked at this guy I've been up in the balconies. I've been in the high

I've been in the little bit but I look at this guy and I go, I trust him. That's a standup guy. And he's not a guy. He looks like he works at Salesforce. Yeah. He does? He does!

He does! Salesforce! Salesforce! So, what is it? What is Salesforce? What? So it's really about enterprise software and you're not understand about... Wow! This is just...

Do not boo the gentleman! I don't get these jokes. We can boo Salesforce but we do not boo our fellow audience members. Yes, that's right. We support each other, okay? We don't support you. No. You support us and each other.

Right. What's your name? Chris. Chris. Okay, so Chris is going to be our resident Expendables expert unless you let us down. So this is it. So get us up to date on just walk us forward. Are they brothers?

No. Okay. Great. Is Megan Fox is their first appearance? First appearance. Okay, great. We know that Stallone and Statham, they've done a lot of missions together. We know Delph.

They were the originals. Stallone and Statham from. And Delph Lundgren too. Delph though so they are the and and toll road which is Couture yeah yeah yeah that's the guy with the ear okay okay Randy Couture okay anything else that we need to know no they're group of mercenaries they do a bunch of odd jobs they've done odd jobs to the CIA in the first one then the CIA got mad at them because they saved people and then in the third one You didn't miss much on that. Yeah, Andy Garcia

It seems to me that I'm correct. They kind of operate like Old like senior citizen fast and furious, right? Except with obviously with military training. They're not street racers, but they operate outside of the government, but the government sometimes contracts them to do stuff. Right. So in the first three, it was like, we're not a part of this. We're just going to give you money in the background. You're going to go do your thing. This was the only one where the government was much more intimately involved with it.

Was there ever mention in the previous movies of the Ocelot character? Never. No. That's that is That's what I felt like this must be the culmination of four movies And I was like oh, and it's revealed. It's Andy Garcia. Oh shit. I am just blown away that Megan Fox Appeared because she appears as of up the teams back together like and she's a leader yes she's team leader and there's have there ever been multiple women on the team or is this the first instance of woke expendables not my expendables so the weirdest thing is there is a increase in feminism through the course of the series in the real high-pitched voice, but that's okay.

I'm getting my vibe in. So in the first movie, the only woman that exists is Charisma Carpenter, and she is a girlfriend of Statham. In the second movie, they allow women... Love Cordelia from Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Love Cordelia. I mean, a true legend. Hot, hot, hot.

Does some of her best work on Angel, I would say. Oh, yes. Love her on Angel as well. Worked out at the same gym as her. Had to restrain myself from striking up casual conversation to then eventually be like, so Buffy. I wanted to, well, not to say, that wasn't call her Buffy, but I wanted to know.

Can I work in here? So like, what's going on with the Hellmouth? What do you think? So here's the thing. You and Spike had a really interesting relationship. I honestly found it to be actually more compelling than, well anyway, all right so. When Anya came into the picture, did you feel like?

Anything else we need to know no you got it all right I feel like the things that I like the most about expendables is that you don't have to pay attention no like I was you know I had my earbuds in I was putting on you, false eyelashes while things were, plot points were going by me. It doesn't matter. You're gonna be okay. Because they also do that thing that all bad movies for old people do,

which is that they recap the movie every seven minutes. And I so appreciate that. So you don't have to, it's like an episode of Law and Order or anything else. You don't, don't worry. It's like white noise of people and Order or anything else. You don't, don't worry. It's like white noise of people getting, eugh, eugh, slit. But that's your white noise while you're like

flipping through a Better Homes and Gardens, you know? I think that this movie is what Trump thinks our military is. Yes! I think if you look- He thinks it's a documentary. If you look at this- If you go into the Signal Chat, it's just Pete Hegseth sending memes from this movie to people and that's what they think is getting done.

They think a bunch of old fucks are running in in random old planes. In berets, in berets, a drunken beret. And Ed Hardy rings, just fuck, I don't even fucking, I don't even know what. But this is a Trump wet dream. Oh, this, I also, I go one step further. This is like an older man's dream of like what society is. And he's like, I get, I get YouTube. This is YouTube.

This is a streamer. I get it. They walk around talking This is a streamer. I get it They walk around talking about how they're gonna fuck all these chicks. It's like I Don't think that's twitch But okay, you know, they'd be so upset if they realize what streaming actually Can you tell me did Sylvester Stallone I didn't look right, write this movie? No. In any way, shape, or form? The original, yes. Because there's a bunch of jokes in here that are very Sylvester Stallone coded.

Like what? The Golden Showers stuff. Not only that I felt like, I felt like very vividly that Stallone had written that only because I was like, I feel like he just heard what a Golden Showers is. Yeah. And then not only does it get brought up in dialogue, it's called back later as a plot point to be like, yes.

He's into golden showers. And they make the young guy talk about it because the young guy knows about golden showers. Here, let's play clip four and watch that very animated performance. You know what is a golden shower? Let's play clip four and watch that very animated performance. You look like the type who has had one before. I'm cutting these losers. I had too much of that. Too much time, time for music. So that is those guys, I bet you they were like improvised about Golden Showers.

And then he had to humiliate himself like that. He's like, everybody knows what it is my age, but I'm gonna have to force myself to do this scene. Nobody's giving him anything. No, because they don't wanna be a part of it. They don myself to do this scene. Nobody's giving him anything No, because they don't want to be a part of it. They don't want to do this scene They're trying to disappear into the scene. Yeah trying not to be there with him Oh, and he is just hung out to dry selling it. God bless him. He has kind of a Puss in boots type of Antonio Ben Darius. He has a pussy boots. Yeah, feel. He has a Puss in Boots?

Yeah, he does have a Puss in Boots vibe. He does. And by the way, I would have loved to have seen Puss in Boots as part of the Expendables team. Thank you! With his sword. I would, I would. A lot of sword work.

I would love it if animated characters made their way into the Expendables. Yeah. Like if it's, but Puss in Boots is almost too young and cute. It would have to be like- Meet this guy, my friend Roger. Roger Rabbit. Yeah.

We got a new big guy, and it's just like Foghorn Leghorn. I say, I say, I say. You've been sitting on that impression the entire tour. I all tour the whole time. I've been like, when do I get to break out my foghorn leg horn? New member of the team now don't freak out guys. I know used to be a bad guy Skeletor Goddamnit, we tried to kill you before hey, buddy. I was drinking back then alright Skeletor

You're part of the team like to hear what Dolph Lundgren has to say about Skeletor Right wasn't he he man yes, okay what Dolph Lundgren has to say about skeletons. Oh, right! Right? Wasn't he He-Man? Yes. Okay, okay. Dolph Lundgren continues to be the shining light in this franchise as well. He ages perfectly. His character has an arc. He goes from not drinking and being shitty to drinking again and being great.

I mean, a movie that makes you cheer for someone to break their sobriety so that they can commit wanton acts of murder. His eyesight gets better when drinking. You know I feel like you know how colleges in the beginning of feminism had like women studies classes where we would look at you know different texts and everything. I feel like maybe there should be a man studies where this would be a text. I love this. That we would start breaking down.

I agree with St. Clair, men are important and need to be studied. They need to be studied, I'm serious. Men studies need to happen, mandatory. We need to understand why. I agree with Jessica, men. Right? But here, but you know what?

I think you're right about the idea of like a certain brain is going to be because, like when they go, how's it hanging? Gravity hits. Yeah, or like, or like what? Gravity has always been at play with balls. Here's an entire semester is on Stallone's ring. Like, why do men like skull rings?

Rings. What's up with everything? By the way, why is his finger that thick? Thick. Because we see it, well, I mean, look, it's on the double delta photo one. It's on a dick. You can't have thin fingers.

That's a thick. Yeah, that's why. The reason is because at the very least your fingers need to be dick sized. Now, who was... Because that's a man. But who was the genius who did just the tip right here? That guy's an unsung hero in the department. And I love that they were like, we gotta spin that bottle around because we can't show that label. We can't show that label. We can't show that label.

The double-sided dildo is next to a tip jar that says, just the tip. But then we see it again. This is in picture three. This is again. All right. So there it is. So this is a bar where they have a desiccated human hand. Is that a mummy? Like an Egyptian mummy? That is meant to be, I mean, we now know because of the end of the movie, whose hand it is,

we thought for most of the movie was Stallone's hand, but in fact- No, that's not the hand though. That's the hand. Yes, we found it. Yeah, picture two. Picture two. No, because when we saw it, it was all gelatinous. No, here it is, well, you dried out on the trip home. Well, yeah, they dried it out. Picture two, Beth, if you have it. No, that when we saw it, it was all gelatinous. No, here it is. Well, you dried out on the trip home. Well, yeah, they dried it out.

Picture two, Beth, if you have it. No, that shit was like a puddle of- There it is. It's that hand. It's that hand. You think they hacked it off, dried it like jerky, and fashioned it like this, and then put a ring on it? I don't think that.

I know that. That's what brothers do. Brothers will cut off your hand and bring it home to the bar. To the bar! Did somebody strip off like the extra skin? No it dried off. No it burned off. It burned off when it was a gelatinous goo monster. There! He's got, I love it, I love it he's got the burn. I love, what's the guy's name who it is? Jumbo Shrimp. Jumbo Shrimp. I love when he picks Jumbo Shrimp out of the extra room, throws him in the thing, and he's stolen Jumbo Shrimp, and then Jumbo Shrimp wakes up.

I was like, I thought for sure he was dead. And what was Jumbo Shrimp's crime? Yeah. Yeah. For being small. I mean, Jumbo Shrimp, one, they had- one They just for jumbo shrimp. Yes Justice for jumbo shrimp. I want to do a whole semester Shrimp, I mean

We know all we know about jumbo shrimp is that Stallone had a thumb war with jumbo shrimp Which jumbo shrimp one? some more with Jumbo Shrimp, which Jumbo Shrimp won legitimately. They're in square. They're in square. And then he was going to go back there to beat the shit out of him to get it back, and then they beat the shit out of him, and then he kills him. Jumbo Shrimp, not a mercenary, just a guy that likes to drink at the tainted spoke. And it's not bad enough that Statham,

Brass Knuckles, Jumbo Shrimps, whole crew, like just demolishing every jaw in the house. I had a question about Brass Knuckles, if I may. Yeah. Is it cool to use them without telling the person? Like, I felt like there must be, it's like, it seems like kind of a dick move. You gotta tell people,

you have to declare brass knuckles before you ask. Wait a minute, wait a minute. You think in a bar fight you need to give a heads up as to what you might have? Well like is that, I mean that's gentlemanly. Is it fair? I mean is it fair? I used to fight with rolls of quarters in my hand.

Is that true Paul? That is true. Yeah. Oh. Because it was. Here comes another chapter of sadness. rolls of quarters in my hand. Is that true, Paul? That is true. Yeah. Oh. Here comes another chapter of sadness. Because you, you would get in. What the fuck, Paul? You had rolls of quarters?

Yeah, you get a $10 roll of quarters and you put it in your palms, then punch somebody in the face. That's fucked up, Paul. That's so fucked up. And, and. Pennies were cheaper, someone said. Thank you. And also, not only that, you can do fucked up. And pennies are cheaper, someone said. Thank you.

Also, not only that, you can do your laundry. Exactly. Boom. But no, I didn't. I wondered because I thought to myself, huh, is it cooler to see Jason Statham actually kick the shit out of them with Sans bra snuckles? Yeah. Well, I, the, in moments.

Question. It's moments like this. I agree. Street fighters out there. I know there are some. Street fighters in San Francisco? I don't think so. Yeah, we've got a lot of librarians

and a lot of street fighters in the audience. We got a lot of Salesforce executives here. Yeah. I don't know that they're fighting in the streets. Well, the way that they fight is with enterprising solutions. No, I've seen a lot of faces out here. A lot of you have been at the Excel Championship.

It's pretty cool. Here's the thing I want to say about Statham. He seemingly gets younger with every movie. Like he looks better in four than he even looked in one. But you're right, like he does fight unfairly. Jumbo Shrimp is killed. But here's the thing that when we landed on the way to the mini golf place today, I did Google and did research to back it up.

On the plane that they are flying, that propeller cargo plane, from New Orleans to Libya, that is a 30 plus hour flight with multiple stops for gas. At least seven stops for gas. So that means the jumbo shrimp was in the shitter for 30 hours and no one else in that crew took a piss yeah and on top of that he's a all they all geared up they all geared up and then they stayed in that gear for 30 fucking hours yeah they are gonna put on my flak check to wear some PJs some soft shoes like yeah comfy in their skims, because that's a long flight. Yeah, so he was in the bathroom the entire time.

Yeah. I mean, like, none of it makes end up. But again, I didn't think about Jumbo Shrimp. Once we're done with him, I'm onto something else. Because he's not a character in the movie. I'm not worried about him. Honestly, though, Jumbo Shrimp somehow, inexplicably, for someone who is in two brief scenes,

has more of a footprint in this movie than 50 Cent. Which is devastating, because 50 Cent is so good, and so fantastic, I think so fantastic, that I was like, oh, nice, 50 Cent is here, and then he does nothing. The coolest thing about 50 Cent is a scene that he's not in, but you think it would be funny if he is in it, which is when they just put his song on a truck on this boat

to attack. I would have loved it if, because that's, I mean, come on. That's, it's so nuts to play his song in, diegetically in the movie. That's crazy. So that he can hear it. I would have loved it if he was in that scene and somebody had been like,

hey, this is your song. I would have loved it if they were like... I wanted to be like, this is 50 Cent. Yes! Do you remember that video? Or if he's behind the thing spinning his beats or whatever. Look, sure. Anything's possible.

50 Cent doesn't spin his own beat. Yes. You sound like an idiot in San Francisco. I agreed with her. But do you remember that video game? I love this video game. I think it was called like, Def Jam. It was like, Def Jam meets Mortal Kombat. So it was like, all the Def Jam characters would fight.

Like that, you could have just said, oh yeah, we took that version of 50 Cent and we put him in the Expendables. Like, we don't need reasoning. Oh, he's a seal. He's a fuck You could put seal in the movie. I would have loved it I would have loved it if seal had been in this movie or for you guys e40 Right just ghost riding the whip I

Will say the biggest villain in this movie is green screen I will say the biggest villain in this movie is green screen Because this entire movie is shot in warehouses parking lots and windowless rooms Yeah, yeah, I mean a boat all outdoor scenes are green screen all driving Oh the worst green screen moment and this is going way to the end and I also think would be great for the men's studies class I'm gonna teach is when Megan Fox, you know says something like what and he just goes Never mind and Never mind equals I love you. Yeah Yeah, and that that kind of reading in between the lines

I love that the subtle kind of dialogue that we're meant to unpack. Oh yeah. And instead of doing that, I'm thinking, is this the shittiest green screen I've ever seen? I mean, it is. It's like if I went to like the Harry Potter exhibit and I'm like, I'm flying! There is.

Like, and I buy it, you know, for $10. There's a bunch of flying stuff that looks like a flight simulator from 1994. Yeah, like, the moment that... Let's go to the NASA shuttle in Houston, you're like, we're landing it! Like, that's as good, and that's $100 million fucking dollars. You should be ashamed of yourself. Here's the moment that I was most offended by with the green screen is

they cut to Dolph Lundgren sniping. Clearly, he's not in a field. They just put some plants in front of him. He's on a green screen. Like, this is the easiest shot to get. It's a tight on the studio and a bunch of grass. No, buy it. The fucking put him on a green because this is fuck you movie like this.

Everything. Everything feels so cheap. All the visual effects are cheap. All the sets look like something that HGTV just made. You know what I mean? And it's like, it's everything somehow seems to, the only unlimited budget on this movie was I think for neon. Because every set has so much neon going on.

I mean, this movie takes place in two locations. A parking lot in the beginning where the bad guy lives. It looks like, oh, we found this set in Bulgaria because if you look off to the side of the screen, it's like a main street. And I was like, shit, did they just shoot this on a back lot? They go, that's the villain's lair.

And then the other one is just the boat. And then the other time it's in the airplane hanger. Like there really aren't in many locations. They do in this movie, the same number of missions, like each component of the mission to find out the thing that would normally take place in act one of another movie. This movie, that's the whole movie. So by the end of it, I was like,

whoa, shouldn't the movie start now? Yeah. Well, by the way, speaking about the movie starting, one of the things that, and this is a Stallone thing, and I know it, and I have some facts to give you in a second, but the movie opens with this, scene where this bad guy's lair is getting compromised, right? Whatever, fuck that.

Then that ends and then all of a sudden we cut to Stallone putting on his fucking ring, getting on his hog and leaving. And I'm like- P.S. close up of those jeans. He's cuffing them just like, you're cuffing just like Stallone, baby. He's mying him just like, you're cuffing just like Stallone, baby. He's my, he's my style hero. He's gonna cuff those pants.

Cuff those pants. Yeah, he cuffs those pants, I'm telling you. All of Stallone's jokes too are like, oh, it looks like he's got a dead cat on his head. It's funny, that's funny, right? That's funny, right? He's got a dead cat on his head It's funny that's funny, right? That's funny, right? Hey, you've got a dead dead cat on his head. Hey, take a Xanax take a Xanax and then pretend you're okay Analyze this The but he but then he drives off and you're like, huh?

Where the opening scene should have been stay it should have been hard cut to stave him in that fight. Knock, knock, knock, right? Because it's like, but we have to establish Stallone. Imagine if the cold open had been the mission where Stallone dies. Yeah. That's how the movie should start. That's the inciting incident. We don't need all this gibberish.

And that's where I was like, that's where I felt like the beginning of the movie was servicing somehow what had happened at the end of the last, so that it's, oh, it makes sense, he's trying to collect everybody and get them back together. Nope, who cares? Apparently, I'm being told none of this

is related to the past movies, so I feel fucking burned by this. But then we get this scene, this scene that is like, it's like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. You know, there's two power. And I actually- This is not unspooled. Ha ha ha! Clip one here.

This is clip one. This is the Fox and Megan Fox and Statham- This is tough as a woman to watch. But I thought she came up- These are some tough themes coming out. Okay, take a look. Again, of how men see women. I know that I think it has something to do with coms,

but doesn't it look like Stallone is some sort of Frankenstein? Ha ha ha! With two bolts in it. Yeah, it does. It does. I'm alive. Can we play clip one, Beth?

By the way, worst shot, terrible shot, terrible. They don't even shoot on the screen. Because when they open the door, it's just green screen. Why would... That's like, hey bird. Can you pause for a second? Ernest goes to camp. Now, think about it.

Think of how long he's been alive. He knows you can't see in. You can't job! You can't... You can't do that. Why would you look in like that? If anything, go to the side and look in a window. Look in the peephole? First of all, I would say that most people know you can't see in, but he should definitely know because his job is recon and surveillance. They are dog shit.

And let me be clear, the Expendables are bad. I know, but they're so cute. But they are so cute. Except for Statham, every single one of them gets captured immediately on every mission. That's true. That we spend so much of the movie with the expendables locked in a room going Fuck. Fuck. The expendables are trapped in a room and someone's like piss on it and they're like alright

That's a plot point. Yeah. Piss on something to make it open. Yeah. And then wait a second and now I'm turning on this movie Wait a second then Megan Fox is like I knew all along that you were gonna track me with your knife. That was my big, your big plan was to get caught, compromise the entire mission, and wait for one man to come and save you? What's so embarrassing about that is if the bad guys in the movie, Andy Garcia Ocelot

and the rest of the Salesforce team knew what they were doing they would just kill the Expendables the minute they get there oh here are the Expendables they've already trapped them done why why over there's over there I mean by the way I do love the second brief the first briefing and Garcia comes in all guys, here's the mission, peace. And I was like, wow, if that's a cameo, I'm down. And then- But it also seemed as if he was reading off of cue cards.

Oh, 100%. He was phoning that shit in. He was like, how do I say this Russian town? Kurskiv, got it, one take, I'm out, sorry guys. Garcia out. By the way, I mean, thank God he's here. Oh, I loved it. God is here adding some sort of gravitas to this. But then the second time we see Andy Garcia

before he puts on his beret is, is this moment where he's like, all right, now here's the other mission. Now I'm gonna give it to team leader. Megan Fox goes, well now I'm gonna tell you what's up. And then they throw it to this woman who we've never met and she looks like she came out of Salesforce. And you're like, who is she?

And why is she in the secret lair? And why does she even need to be there? Why do three people need to say, go here, get this guy, steal the nuke? That was it. Now was she, was that woman who looked like my Spanish teacher in seventh grade, was she in all the other movies? No!

Is she like the Q or the Sam or whoever that? The gray-haired lady? Okay, that looked to me like a Kate McKinnon character. Yes! I was like, what is this person up to? And again, in my notes, I'm like, this person must be baked in since the first movie. Yeah, like when you go to Judi Dench in the Bond movies or whatever, but she's not?

This is a new character? That's crazy. I mean, but by the way, it's like, why do you need three people? Though even, like even the writing is fat. It's like, yeah, oh, and throw it to this next person. And then you're like, too worried that people will get confused or like lose interest.

Like, ah, we can't have them talk for more than half a page. We'll lose the audience. I mean, in a lot of ways, I am the audience. I am their target audience, in that I'm still confused. You're the audience in the sense that you watched the movie. Yeah, that is true. No, but, like, I'm as dumb as the people there in terms of plot. I'm listening. I really am. I'm simple dumb as the people there in terms of plot. I'm listening.

I really am. I'm simple when it comes to this stuff. I don't really pay attention. Oh, you're a straight up dumb. I'm not paying attention, you know, really. So, and I'm still confused. You know what I mean? Oh, we're all still confused.

You are? Oh, I'm confused. I mean, I'm confused and then I do love, this is clip 10, Andy Garcia going, All right, just in case you didn't know, here's the entire plot. I'll scream act it one take. This is this monologue is worthy of something. Not an Academy Award, though.

Clip 10. We need an animal. I'm Christmas. You're like Jennifer Watts, always showing up when you're not wanting and refusing to go away. You got something I need, Marsh. Can you pause it for a second, Beth?

I can't understand, and it's going to be screaming. I want to go back and start it for a second because I really want you to notice how much Andy Garcia is projecting, screaming, yelling, and then when it cuts to statham, how he is talking as if the person who needs to hear him is next to him.

Okay. It is. We start it again. All right, Christmas! You're like Jonathan Watts! Who's showing up when you're not wanted and refusing to go away. You got something I need, Marsh.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm coming down to get it. I got you figured out that this device right here is the only thing preventing World War III, a conflict that was devastating for many. It'll be insanely, insanely, insanely profitable for somebody and not somebody else. This is crazy to me. And the Expendables will take all the blame. But even safe is like, are you done?

So, enjoy the show. Great, we don't need any more. That, the amount of, he yelled the entire plot. Oh, poor, I mean poor Andy Garcia. I feel like they were like, we just need one that's bigger, bigger. And he was like, I'll do it, but don poor Andy Garcia. I feel like they were like we just need one that's big or bigger and he was like I'll do it, but don't use it But I've given you I've given you so many that are that are easier to understand and this guy

He's supposed to be the big villain And he grabs his dick and He's obsessed with it because at a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, State them I think if I don't remember that and I don't care for it Keep them tucked I believe is the sales force motto Salesforce keep them tucked Except except except we all know it's sales force keep them fucked Now I was confused. I don't know what they do I don't know what they do! When he throws that, he says like, this is the device that could stop the bomb. The bomb.

And then, okay. Throws it over. I thought he was saying like, having this is good, like is valuable. Well, I think that he wants... He's basically, okay, I can tell you. Oh yeah, okay, all right, great. Do you want me to tell you what it is? Yes. So his plan is to tell you what it is? Yes.

So his plan is to start World War III. Why? So it will be profitable for him and the other Musk type villains, right? Why? Why will they make money off of that? It's him, it's Salesforce, it's Musk, it's all the billionaires. It's all the billionaires. Defund the billionaires So he wants so he's saying this this device is the only thing that can stop the bomb from blowing up

So I'm throwing that overboard to make sure the bomb blows up So when it blows up we're meant to believe that who did it? Why is this in the Star Wars movie? They have falsely are flying an American flag on this thing so that it looks like... I didn't notice any of this. ...and they're going to bomb Russia? I think they're gonna hit Russia... White noise. ...with an American ship...

An American ship... This is right. Couldn't care less. Right? It... Oh, to be clear, it does not matter one inch be clear, it does not matter. I missed all of it. They've been doing these back, like these histories of Mission Impossible. And they were trying to create this really elaborate backstory for a Mission Impossible, the Ghost Protocol. And they've been working for months. And Tom Cruise goes, what if he's just stealing nukes? And they're like, what?

And he's like, easy to understand. Around the world, they all get it. Nukes, bad. That's what they should do All right, and that was the plot. Oh, yeah, by the way, it's great. Yeah, you get it by the way bad I bad this is these movies are very mission impossible coded Yeah, you know with like Andy Garcia as the Alec Baldwin as the All you need to know is like bad guys have nukes, good guys stop bad guys. Like the intricacies, they're not getting into global politics.

But the movie can't quite cut the things together in the right way because they're cutting tonally between scenes in which like Stallone and Statham are joking around in the plane about golden showers and all this stuff, but they're cutting to the scene in Libya where his name eco waste right yes the guy from the raid yeah in those movies slot master he is murdering children women and children in order to get the detonators that's tough and I was like this is hard to cut back and forth between these jokes that's alone's doing and Infanticide. We just saw a double-headed dildo and then we watch a child get shot off screen. That's tough. The child who's just seen his mother get killed who's just like... That's tough. Now I will say where I

was so upset at the end was Garcia gives that very impassioned monologue, he's like, come down here, we'll fight! And you're like, all right, we're gonna get like a Garcia, Statham fight, nope, just killed. No, he's shot by Stallone. But here's the thing, like, okay, will you stand up for a minute right there? Stallone, I'm Statham, you're Andy Garcia, right? This is the kind of thing I'll have in my math studies class.

People acting things out like that. Stallone is out there. He shoots, he cuts Andy Garcia in half with like a.50 cal gun. And Statham is right here. Every bullet would be like bam bam bam bam bam. Statham should have died so many times in this movie. He seemed shocked actually that he wasn't dead. Right after he said, what the fuck was that?

I wish he was covered with blood and viscera though. It would have been like, oh, you got Garcia on me. I mean, honestly, I think the worst thing that happened in this movie is that Stallone died because once he died, fake died, I was so sad because what I was loving about it was the repartee, the jaunty, the chemistry, you know, the he said, she said of it all, will they or won't they? Wait, wait, wait, wait, of Stallone and Stallone?

Yes! They are the heart of the movie! But they're brothers! They're brothers! But it could be a white lotus. Would you? It could be a white lotus where they jerk each other off. Maybe, maybe this movie could have been better if they all jerked each other off.

Yes! Agreed! I'm just saying. Grab the chef. I'm just saying. And Stallone famously said, uh, tickle just saying! Grab the chef. I'm just saying! And Stallone famously said, uh, tickle the balls, grab the chef. Yes! Uh, which, you guys don't know that story?

Google that when you get home. Um, alright, so here are some things that might hurt your vision of the brothers. This was originally supposed to be a spinoff film for Jason Statham. Okay, it was going to be... A Hobbs and Shaw scenario? It was supposed to be called A Christmas Story. I love it. I love it.

I love this movie. All right, so... And let me guess. Let me just hazard a guess. Would Sly let him get away with it? Nope. And I'll tell you how that went down in one second. So there were three spinoffs.

A Christmas story, the Expendables, an all female Expendables. Hot. Hot. Woke. Expendables is too woke. So it was supposed to feature an all female cast, but it was shelved because they just decided to add more women to Expendables 4. Right.

So like, well, we just can put a couple in. But don't let them actually say or do anything. Yes. And every time they do say something, be like, that is stupid, that dumb bitch. So I did, I loved the martial arts fight where that was hot where the I don't know what I don't know what her weapon is called but that thing was incredible her and Tony Jha teaming up nice work loved it loved that so this is the timeline of this film 2014 Expendables 3 comes out it is a failure

All right, but producers go we will return the series to its greatness And we're gonna bring it back to an R rating because Expendables 3 went to PG-13. Oh So then Stallone goes in 2016 This is gonna be the final film of the series. It's going to come out in 2018. Then in 2017, Stallone leaves the franchise due to creative differences over the script and the direction of the franchise. Then a year later, Schwarzenegger calls up Stallone

and goes, buddy, you got to go back to the Expendables. Wow. So then Stallone's like, all right, I will. So they hire a new screenwriter, and then they get back the original director, and everything now comes along, but they edge out, or they take this script of Christmas Story and they put Stallone in it.

I see. Book Stallone in it. Book end him in it. Now, this movie has been plagued with terrible casting problems. Pierce Brosnan stated that he agreed to be the villain. And no one called him back. Wait, what? He met with the producers, agreed to it, and then no one called him. What? The Expendables movie ghosted Pierce Brosnan? And I just got a thing that's a visual in it's Stallone's phone and it's just Pierce Brosnan texted it and it just just says you up? No reply. Now I guess

the reason why they didn't call him back is because Stallone had his sights on pulling a person out of retirement and that person Jack Nicholson. It's moving around 2023. Is this for the Andy Garcia movie? Yes. Okay, okay, okay. So I guess Stallone's like, we're going to get Jack back. Jack's, at this point, I haven't seen Jack stand up. No.

Like, he would end up looking like that gelatinous dude, just like put a bunch of like sunglasses on him. I'll be honest, I didn't see many of these dudes stand up. No. This is a mostly sitting movie. Let's be clear. The team of expendables is two hot young women and a bunch of over 80 year old men.

That don't take off their shirts. Thank God. I know, except for Jason Statham who does and looks great. So when they couldn't- I love that Jason Statham isn't jacked. Oh yeah, it's perfect. I love that. No, it's hot, it's hot. He's got the great body.

Also, can I, I know everyone's waiting for me to weigh in on the amount of chest hair that Statham has, and I'm gonna say something. I know I said all the hair or none of the hair. But Jason. Perfect amount. Yeah, I noticed that too. said all the hair or none of the hair. But Jason. Perfect amount. Yeah. I noticed that too.

Perfect amount. And I even thought to myself, I bet hair and makeup was in there and they just did a light trim. Just a light dusting. A light trim? They took a little bit off the top. Wait, you like that? You like something that's?

No, no, this is specific. With clippers? He looked great. He's a swimmer he has a hairless body you want to clipper him down no I think they did just a little bit like a number two no they're going in with hand shears they're going in with what like cuticle yes yes they are because it was a perfect amount you're not going to get lost in it. No. You know but there's not nothing because nothing on him would have not been right.

That's not the guy in the streets. He actually looks more muscular with the little hair there because it covers up. Agreed. So now I just want to I just want to go down. I know everybody. As a bald man I love seeing a bald man out there with a little hairy chest. I like the whole thing. Just a little bit of something. We gotta let men be hairy, everybody. Yes. What are we doing?

I'd love to take a couple of cheers to you. When I'm teaching my masculinity class for the men's study program that Jessica St. Clair specifically started, not my idea, hers, a feminist idea if ever I've heard one, for there to be a men's studies course? I want that I will be teaching here at Stanford. I am gonna sign up for this class, the two of you on either side of the classroom teaching simultaneously. Alright, so I just want to go through this list because this list is insane. Yeah. So he wants Jack Nicholson who and by the way, God bless, he's an older gentleman.

He seemed like he had a hard enough time just saying, ladies and gentlemen, Paul McCartney of the SNL 50 and glad that he was there is awesome. But he's not going to be... I don't want him in a night shoot. I don't want to put a heavy gun on this man. We don't. Do you know what I'm doing? That'd be it for him. That'd be a wrap on Jack. So when he said no, Stallone's like, all right, I got my number two, Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood said no.

Then he's like, I got my number three, Kurt Russell. Kurt Russell said no. I'm busy doing Santa Claus three. Then he goes, I got my fourth, Carl Weathers. Carl Weathers says no. Oh, that's a bummer. Then he goes to Jackie Chan. Jackie Chan says no. Wow. Wow. Jackie Chan Jackie Chan says no wow then the Rock says I'll play the villain

and he says yes to everything and then Ron Perlman's like I'll be the villain in this but instead Stallone goes to his friend Hulk Cogan. Hulk Colgan? Hulk Colgan. Hulk Colgan? Who's Hulk Colgan? Hulk Colgan. So then he's in talks to play the villain. Wait, the owner of Gawker? And then he falls out. But then Jean-Claude Van Damme says well, I'll come back and play Has he already been in it? Yes. Oh, I'll come back and play my twin brother. Fuck. Yeah The only answer should have been yes So thousand times yes, and the first movie I believe his name is Claude villain and he pitched a character called gene villain He gets it he gets it. That's cute. I mean to be clear. He doesn't get it and

then of course Andy Garcia It must have backed up a truck of money to Andy Garcia. I'm serious I mean I say yes to this right we weren't asked to be villains by this point. But all the people that they said no to. But it also is odd because Pierce Brosnan wouldn't make sense. I guess you would be like, well, he's British. Could he be in?

Like, it seems very much like Americans want to start World War III. So that would also make Jackie Chan a little suspect. Like you'd have to rejigger the entire plot. My guess is that they didn't even have a script at this point. They were just trying to lock in as many old people as they could. With all Expendables, what they do is they find an old script

and they just slap Expendables on it. I heard Hume Cronin was in for a while. This script was originally titled High Value Target. It's so crazy. It was a script that Millennium Films found. They go this is a movie for Jason Statham called High Value Target. Then it becomes no, we'll make it a spin off of expendables with Jason Statham. Then they're like no, actually we'll just make it Expendables 4 with the entire team.

And, but yet none of the plot or story changed from High Value Target. That's crazy. So it's like, it is, it is bargain bin filmmaking. Oh, it is, and it's so cheap. So did you earlier, before we came out, did I hear you say the budget was a hundred million dollars? A hundred million dollars. Yeah. That's just, and it's so cheap. So did you earlier before we came out, did I hear you say the budget was $100 million? $100 million. Yeah.

That's just, that's all actors. That's all actors fees. Do you think? Or maybe it's all the explosion. No, no, it's all actors fees because it's not on the screen. The load is definitely getting 20 plus. Easy.

Easy, Statham. Well that's why he's putting himself in the movie because he needs that payday. Well, I do want to, before we go out to the audience, we'll go out there in a second. I do want to see when Statham, I think, does a nod to his own character in the transporter when he plays a private security guard for a streamer. This is insane. Clip six. What's up, motherfuckers? I'm here at my Nolipad live streaming to you at home. Bring your little shum and shum into your pathetic little lives. Oh, look at these Nolip bitches. Which one of these bitches to am I gonna fuck after? Hi, have some respect for the ladies.

I am live streaming here? You guys believe this shit? Look at this guy. Who does this motherfucker think he is? We spend the light. Pause it for one second. What I got obsessed with was watching the comments. Someone goes, B is hot, and then someone looks, I bet he has a big dick. I mean they put an eggplant emoji there. Do you know there was a moment where they were like holy shit You know what we can do we can put the chat we can just put stuff we can put jokes in here It's time to go take a look about golden showers more than showers Diego Silver Road who dat I continue this again Listen to it again. Get off my balls.

Fuck! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Do you know how much money I make up for your face? I think I'm pregnant. God damn you, Pat.

Respect. My favorite part, though, is later in the movie, when Statham gets onto the pirate boat that is across the world from this scene, the pirates are watching this video. Yeah. What a missed opportunity for him to go kick their asses and they'd be like, whoa! Whoa, it's the guy! I also like that the logic there is that, well, you know, in America it was live,

but you know, and where they are at, it's different times. Yeah. The streaming is different. You know, it doesn't do the whole thing. And I did love that that boat seemingly was filled with, what, 100,000 people? Yeah. Yeah. That all hid perfectly.

Yeah. I mean, they have a motorcycle chase on a boat. That is the question I had. In a way that's like cat and mouse. Yeah, but why? They're hiding. Why would a boat like that have so many motorcycles? Also, in order to get through a boat,

you have to go through doors that are sealable. Yeah, yeah, like a porthole. Yeah. But when he goes up to the row of motorcycles, it literally looked like a city bike. Like when you would like put your credit card in. I was like, why? Why a fleet of motorcycles in the ocean? Just a bunch of bird scooters? Yeah, but you know what, man again for my men's studies, they men love motorcycles. I guess that's something motorcycles and guns. They have to have the cycle. Motorcycles and I guess that's something they have to have.

They have to have the cycle. Motorcycles and guns. Yeah. They just have to. And imagine if they'd had those motorcycles on the Titanic. Imagine. Jack and Rose could have been like whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee wh All right, I'm in the audience. I'm here to take questions. I am gonna go. Oh, wait a second I forgot my most important thing. Hold on. This is gonna be worth it. Oh, this is totally worth it Oh the other night. I was gifted Gerard Butler shirt from den of thieves It's so hot on you it's the real shirt from the real shirt from the movie So hot on you Paul and I only enter the audience in my Gerard Butler Big Nick

shirt. Still smells like him, right? Den of Thieves II, Pantera. I'm not going to make it. I mean, if you only want to smell it, how good it smells. Yeah, I'll smell it. I'll give it a smell. Ah, that's vintage Gerard.

Vintage Jerry. It smells like Scotland. Yeah, the Pete. All right, I'm putting you on the spot. What is your name? Megan. Megan, do you have a question? So my question is, after Stallone dies,

I thought it was so weird that Statham's first activity was to delete him out of his phone. Oh my God. Yeah. You're right. Most people don't ever delete that. Here's what I'll say. This will be covered in one of my men's classes. Yes. Because you got to be you got to be ruthless. It's gonna be about grief, men and grief, men and

grief and how we can't handle our friends deaths how we can't handle our emotions. Yes, I have I have a person that I know who passed. I was not very close with them. And every time I've gone and seen their name, I think, oh, I should delete that. But I'm like, no, I can't. It's disrespectful. That's exactly right. This is his brother.

He's like, think. Got to save those files. I mean, like, you wouldn't ever want to go and look at that chat you had or look at the pictures that have been shared in there. That's it. Nope. Done. And like, you wouldn't ever want to go and look at that chat you had or look at the pictures that have been shared in there. That's it. Nope. Done.

Goodbye. Stallone is just sending him gifts of like golden showers. Yeah, just piss memes. Eggplant emojis when Stallone finally figured out how he could do a gif. Wait a minute. Eggplant means what? Eggplant means what? You heard about this eggplant thing?

Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Egg plant means what? Egg plant means what? You heard about this egg plant thing? Whoa, whoa. It's the cat. The cat's birthday is today and the cat's very excited about this cake. All right, yes. You have a question. What's your name? Thomas. All right, Thomas. What's your question? Can Jason Stath them see satellites all right I I'm inclined to think he can like I would I would let him I would let him yeah I think because

he is a drinker we've seen that drinking does improve your eyesight so maybe he could see yeah he has a bionic sight. What's her name? What's her question? My name is Serea. I just have a comment, but the guy who was related, who was talking about the golden shower that you guys were talking about was like Puss in Boots. Was supposed to be Antonio Banderas' son from the third movie.

Oh. What? So he's literally, so it's purposeful. Wow. It's purposeful that he has that vibe. Okay, great call. Okay, great. See, excellent work.

That's how it's done. That's how it's done. See, we could have, a simple Google we could have done, but we didn't. All right, I saw you from across the way. But you've got to see the papers up. Hi, how are you? Hi, I'm Jenny.

Hi, Jenny. What SEAL team unit were you in? SEAL team six, SEAL team eight. All right, so what's your question? Two things, if I may. If not, it's cool. Go for it. Let's agree to one.

And then we'll see where we are at. So in the beginning when Megan Fox and Statham are going to bone, she's fully dressed. And then he's going to go down on her. And then they look over at the negligee. So then she gets fully naked. And then when they go to the bed scene, now she's in the negligee. So to have sex, she got fully naked and then took the time to put the negligee on. Well, because he's like, he's like, do me a favor.

And she's like, go down on me first and then I'll get dressed up for you. He requests the negligee. Yeah. He stops what's happening to be like, hang on. Do an old soldier a favor. Yeah. She says, eat me out first.

Then they must have like what made a sandwich while she wills and puts the negligee on also here's here I mean this is just me my personal I'm not trying to yuck anybody's yums sure I don't need a negligee I know I'm not interested in a negligee I thought you look great oh she looks great I'm not saying at that point, I'm like, let's get you out of all clothes. Right. And I tell you why. He's Christmas.

He likes his presents gift wrapped. That's right. Oh, good one, Paul. And I also want to say, Jess, your recall for certain lines in this movie is really blowing me away. I know. I feel like this movie is part of me now and not in a good way. This tour has changed you. Oh, for sure. I'm straight up losing my fucking mind. All right. I think you did good enough to get a second question. What do you got? Thank you. Second is, I don't know his name,

but the Thailand boat captain guy. They went to the effort to ADR all of his lines, but you still can't understand a single one of them. This is kind of the issue I've noticed sometimes that happens. I don't know why. Did you guys check that out? Yeah, I feel like Tony Jaa and Iko, right?

They had lines to deliver that they just couldn't get through and the movie should have helped them with that. Like, I feel like the movie hung them out to dry. Yeah, it's like, do this monologue. I was also curious as to why when we see Daisha, that's his character's name, right? Wow, Jess. When he comes back to help, I know, I don't know.

She has it in her notes it she has it in her notes she has it in her notes you have some that's Tony I don't know why that guy's name I don't know why that guy's name is toll road but um but Dasha toll road or Toblerone my expendable name if I can get in one of these movies. It's Toblerone! It's Toblerone. No, they will call you like, like, Falafel or like, you know, some fucking. Wow, wow. Wow. They'll be like, what's up, hummus? What's up, shwarma?

Yeah! Wow, wow, wow. What's up, shwarma? She has an afterlife. None of these are Greek dishes. So lucky. What's up, spanakopita? This is really good. Wow, she has none of these are Greek dishes So lucky what's up? This is racism

This is racism welcome to New America Jason Wow Wait, I just got a text you're in the cabinet Your you You're replacing Stefanic stop it setup okay yes your name your question oh hey my name is Lauren hi I was wanting to go back to the Andy Garcia monologue of nonsense where he is yelling at Jason Statham and he accuses them of having genital warts and no one ever brought that up. Did you hear that? He said he's like genital warts. Yeah, he's saying you're like him.

You keep coming back. And I can't get rid of you, basically. Yeah, he's like it. I'm sorry. Yeah, he doesn saying you're like you keep coming back and I can't I can't get rid of you basically. Yeah, he's like it Yeah, he doesn't have he's not saying he's not Andy. Garcia is not saying you gave me Janet awards You gave me Janet awards you have them and now I have them Janet awards, please don't film this. What do you got? What happened to Daisha? What do you got? What happened to Daisha? He explained that he couldn't fight because he would not be able to stop again, and then

we don't see what happens to him at the end. He doesn't stop. Is he still there fighting? You're right. He's still fucking going. Also, why does he show up looking like Captain Jack Sparrow? He's got full eye makeup. He's done a whole makeover on himself.

I mean, I liked him. Well, he seemed like he was getting ready to fight in the jungle, not on a military ship. Yeah. Like, he would blend into, like, the weeds and the grass. I'll be honest, though, because when Tony Jaws showed up, I was like, fuck yes, Tony Jaws here. And then he was like, I don't fight anymore.

And I was like, uh-oh, because you've got, like, the best guy for fighting in the movie now, and you're telling me he don't fight anymore and I was like uh-oh because you've got like the best guy for fighting in the movie now and you're telling me he doesn't fight so when he comes in when he Han Solo's himself back in I was like fuck yes and then is just taking dudes out I was like give me this all day every day the only bummer was that I felt like he didn't get enough time. He didn't get enough fights. I wanted, I felt like this movie needed more.

Less slicing, less slicing and stabbing and more of what he was up to. And more heightening, more heightening. It wasn't just enough to be like, great, we're fighting this guy. Then scale it up. Uh-oh, now Tony Jaws gotta fight six guys? Then, oh, okay, him and Lash gotta go back to back

and kill a bunch of people? Give me that all the time. That's why it felt like the fighting stayed on one level. Very lateral moves. Very lateral. Very lateral moves, I agree. Except for when they killed that kid. Or the kid's mom and the kid just had to look at her.

She gets killed off camera. I know, but then she's just laying there and they're like, look at the dead mom. All right, sir, your name, what SEAL team were you in? My name is Keith and SEAL team six. Okay, wow, SEAL team six, this is great, okay. All right, so here's my curiosity. There's a nuclear bomb in the hull of the ship. It's got like three minutes left.

It is the longest three minutes in all of the world. It's like there's a time stop. Any car sees a helicopter, gets blown up, he throws the kill switch over, and then they try to take a little rubber boat and try to escape. There's no way, even if you had the helicopter, that they would be able to escape the explosion

and the blast radius. There is literally impossible. There's not enough time. First, let me ask you a question. Did you see how many rings he had on? Yeah. Maybe for somebody who doesn't wear a fuckload of rings. There's not enough time. There's always enough time. I agree with you because it would have made more sense if Andy Garcia was like,

I'm tossing the thing overboard. Me and my men are going to die, but the event that I've put into motion is still going to happen and that's all I care about. But the fact that he thought he could escape means he's a moron. And if he is in fact that big of a moron, then the moron that is Sylvester Stallone should have caught him by now. But by the way, he could have just gotten

in that helicopter, he could, he didn't even, there's so many things. He could have just left with that switch and been gone. It would have been fine. He didn't need to throw it over. I feel like that was a big mistake. And even more so. So, Sylvester Stallone shoots the boat to sink it. There's 30 seconds left on the timer. There is no way that it sinks that quick.

Literally, the physics do not add up. There's no way it sinks. Hey, hey, my guy, my guy. Slow down. You're getting as upset as Andy Garcia did. Take a breath. Take a breath. Take a breath.

This guy's gonna have a stroke. This is why- We're talking about expendables. Oh, he's getting such a cute hug. Look at the hug he's getting from his wife. This is cute. This is cute as hell. Oh my god, I love them this is why

they kicked that fucking nerd Albert Einstein off the team but I mean you're right in the sense too that like the nuclear bomb was so big it would have caused so much destruction they just got so lucky that Jason Statham was able to drift the aircraft carrier like he's in Tokyo Drift. He drifts an aircraft carrier until it turns all the way around and then and then hits it like like there's a there's a phrase like you can't turn an aircraft carrier around fast right? Yeah that famous phrase. What? That old chestnut. What is the phrase? I think it's a theory. I think it's a theory that you can't, like the Titanic couldn't

turn that fast. Yeah, one degree. Yeah. Okay. All right. Wait a second. Hang on. Hang on, Paul. What? What did you have to say? One degree, you know. I just hear you behind me going, one degree, yeah. Like, you're just cooked. You're just doing free jazz. We broke Jess. This is like a Ken Nordine album. Like, what's up, man? Jess is so broken by this tour that she went to the airport in Los Angeles today without a ticket

because she forgot to buy one. No, no, you're wrong. She bought one for May. Guys, I was- She'll be here in May, May 1st. Jessica St. Clair, right here. Your one man show, may matter. I bought a ticket for a flight that was leaving 25 minutes later and then and they wouldn't let me on and the

Woman goes well mostly the people who do that are you know people who want to blow up? They say me It's me you can say it. I know what you're thinking. It's the it's falafel next to you. I Want Jess and the extended film. Good old Baba Ganoush. Hey, Baba Ganoush! Hey, at least it's got the eggplant. Alright, oh my goodness.

Alright, well, clearly we had opinions about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for second opinions. Hi, I'm Shawna. Woo! Dead man roasted in a burning plane. Megan Fox in sexy clothes. Machine guns on bikes and some crazy knife fights.

Jason Statham, five stars. Yes! Great job! That's how it's done! That's how it's done, Frisco! Beautiful. Expendables 4 on Amazon. 12,000 reviews. Wow!

Okay. That's depressing. I will tell you that we've done this show multiple times. I could get a thousand, get a hundred. 12,000. 66% are five-star reviews. What's so crazy is that that doesn't jive with what it made at all. No, because people are waiting to watch it at home.

Like Mr. Ammo. Mr. Ammo writes, well, Sylvester Stallone is getting pretty old, but in this movie he carries a pretty heavy gun. Or at least in part of the movie. I don't want to be the spoiler, so I'm not going to tell you, but I was really impressed with this one. I think this is the best out of all of them. Having that cast around him, especially Jason Statham, man, of course, 50 Cent plays a bad,

bad man. So get the popcorn, sit down and have a drink ready. It's action from beginning to end. Five stars. Title, five stars on the expendables? Why? Seems like he's questioning himself. Now this one is odd from Harold Gertzinger. I enjoyed it but I'm a Big Denzel Washington fan. He went a little John Wick on this one lol five stars. Wait this person thinks they're reviewing the equalizer. Yes. That's it. Oh, poor thing. By the way, and they're right, the equalizer movies are incredible. They're so good.

Incredible. Poor thing. But he does go a little John Wick. Sherry Cooper writes. Come on, female voice. Coop. Once again, this was a great gift idea for my husband. Uh oh.

Five stars. Once again. Once again. Sher again. How many expendables four DVDs does he have? Four years in a row. Now every now and then we look at the one star reviews. There's only four percent that are one star and I wanted to read this one here because I'll just read the the middle of it from Scott A. I can't take women seriously as badass chicks. If they're dressing like they're gonna go out on a date to impress a whole restaurant.

Ah! I can dress my wife up like that whenever I want. Ah! I'm here for the guns. Ah! I'm here for the guns. Now I'm a little gun shy, no pun intended. But I would gladly chuck more money at number five, no questions asked. Uh. One star. Yes. Basically this guy is saying it's too woke. My heart weeps for us.

Ugh. And that's- I also like he says I can dress my wife up like that too. To impress a whole restaurant. That's what I think. When I'm putting on my clothes, I go, restaurant, get a load of me. The whole restaurant. That's what I think. When I'm putting on my clothes, I go, restaurant, get a load of me. The whole restaurant.

Everyone at Olive Garden's gonna be like, who is that piece of tush? Yeah! Piece of tush? I'll get those twice baked loaded tater skins with the side of my ass. Jason, Jessica. Get a load of those twice baked Tato skins.

Jason Jessica, anything you want to add, anything we might have missed, do you recommend this movie? I mean, I was thrilled when Jason Statham found a tactical hatchet. That was hot. I was like, are you fucking kidding? And then he has it on his back for like three different fights and doesn't use it even when he gets disarmed. He gets disarmed and doesn't just go bam and then he finally does and it's just one move and I was like boring. He could have used the tactical hatchet the whole time and in fact he should have had two. You know?

Right. That would have been awesome. Like the raid. Yes. I would have loved that. Let's see. I'll give you one thing here, Jason, because we've brought this up a couple times. This was shot on location in Greece. Members of the Greek Armed Forces were used as extras. Your people! Your people! And allegedly not paid. Oh, paid in hummus, I bet.

Hummus? This is, this slander will not, get ready, when this episode comes out, you're going to hear from Greeks. It says, not compensated for their month-long official deployment, and they worked overtime. Oh no, this does not reflect well. This movie was also released in mainland China before the United States. Oh interesting. Yeah. Where do we have how much it made there? Because I bet it was a, I bet internationally this movie made a lot of money. Alright so in the United States it made 16 million worldwide, 51 million. Oh okay okay, so still not great.

Yeah. Still not making back that budget. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. Okay, so Jess, anything you wanna bring up? You know, I've taken a ride tonight. I started out saying I loved it, and then I realized most of the time I was watching it,

I think I was doing my hair. And this is not a bit. think I was doing my hair. And this is not a bit. I really was doing my hair and applying fake eyelashes for y'all. Trying to impress the entire restaurant, I bet. Trying to impress the entire restaurant. So now that I've heard this discussion of the film, I'm really going to question me saying I loved it in the very beginning. I think it is a piece of shit.

And I... And I think women are treated terribly in this film. I would still, though, fuck Statham, and... I think we all would. I'd give it to Stallone. What? Wow! Wait, you would fuck Tulsa King? Yep.

I bet... I bet they would cast you on Tulsa King as his love interest. Thanks. I appreciate that. I believe in you. My favorite line, which we haven't talked about, is when Dolph Lundgren does in fact succumb to the boos again so that he can become a good sniper and he says, it's good to be back. That's nice. As an alcoholic. Great message for any older person watching this movie who is struggling with their their erogist to be like maybe maybe I should go back to the sauce. Like it really is a terrible moral for anyone wrestling it. Oh, yeah

And it's and it's not until we played the clip that I saw he's reading a book called like sober living Yeah, like his whole character seems to be being so in the first movie It's a big deal that they kind of like get him out of the drunk a little bit. I I enjoyed it. It's not a good movie. Oh, it's legit bad. And it's the CGI is awful. The it feels so cramped. It feels like it feels like they shot in escape rooms. Like that's everything.

Yes. All these in escape rooms now in almost every city on this tour. Oh, yes. I'm with my kids and I've I've been, I can tell you, Boise, Idaho, I was at their escape room. It looked better than most sets in this. Yeah. Probably the plot you were given. I've never been in one. Yeah.

It was better than this. Had more twists and turns. Oh, absolutely. Last night we were in escape room. We were trapped in there. It was in the dark. We didn't know why. We had to find out who did it.

It's my worst nightmare. Truly. Truly. It's fun. I'd be stuck in there forever. Oh, you would be. And only because you wouldn't try to get, you would give up immediately. The lights would go out and you'd be like, oh well, I guess I'll just die here. My my youngest son did say in the middle of the one yesterday, I'm tired. Can I lay down? I was like, you can't.

They've been on the road. Please do not let your children lay down on escape room floors. I got to be telling you, don't do it. But Titus, the movie again, going back, that'd be a great name for one of the experimental hepatitis. Yes, get it. Get them. The movie again going back be a great name for one of the experimental hepatitis. Yes Get them. Oh Yeah, I mean this cast is riddled with hepatitis

The A's through as STDs and ex-wives abound on this movie time. Well, that's our show But before we go, Jason want to plug anything if you haven't seen it already, Invincible Season 3 just wrapped up. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-o. One of the best shows on television. Don't sleep on it. Coming up in early May, it's called Taskmaster. Get the fuck ready, America. I flew on a plane to tell these fucking assholes. What's up?

also It's it's coming to an end guys. They won't let me fuck pillows anymore big mouth season 8 May 20 May 20 May 20 something Get ready. It's all done, and's a great season. So those are my plugs. And oh, I'll also plug, local band Deaf Heaven has a new record. Oh, why not support them? And also, while we're at it, let's support the Aquarius music documentary. I found it at Aquarius Records. It's about an incredible San Francisco record store, Aquarius Records. RIP, a legend.

If you haven't already, please check out the Deep Dive that I host with our queen, June Diane Raphael. And if you would like to join us at the Deep Dive Academy of Significance, we would love to have you. Our accreditation is pending, but the doors of enrollment are open. Go to the deepdiveacademy.com. Oh, and if you'd like to become a better small talker, I wrote an audio book. It's great. Called the Art of Small Talk with Casey Wilson. And it has great interviews with Amy Poehler, Tony Hale, my dad. Dad is fantastic. Every week on YouTube I have a

new show with Rob Hubel called the Dark Web. We are finding the weirdest shit online, we are ordering things from Tmoo it's weird it's fun and they are bite-sized episodes are only 20 minutes long we found out yesterday 60% of our viewers are watching on TVs what they would be watching on phones or computers what's it on YouTube yeah yeah my book Joven for a collection of trauma I talked about that that's available you go to the website I can personalize it for you. Big thanks to our tour manager, Beth, who's been amazing. Give it up for Beth.

Give it up for Jason Manzoukas, Jessica St. Clair, Ryan Paul, Cher. Thank you, San Francisco. We will be back. Eat shit, San Francisco. Thank you, San Francisco. Wow. What a fun show. I love having St. Clalair in the June seat.

We had such a great time at the Masonic. I want to give a big shout out to their entire staff and our tour manager, Beth, if you want to own the shirt that we designed for this show. And it's a good one. It is the Salesforce tower with Stallone skull ring around it. Just head on over to HDTGM.com and click on the merch button. You can get this shirt as a sticker, as a mug. San Francisco, you need to represent your city with our special Expendables 4 shirt. Also, want to remind you that how did this get made?

Has hats now. That's right. And you know what? You go right to the same spot, HDTGM.com, and just click on the link that says hats. Pretty easy. That's right, you can wear your own What's Up Jerks or Geostorm hat. And we have a sale right now, 25% off all Geostorm, What's Up Jerks and classic How Did This Get Made hats.

If you go over to HDTGM.com, hit hats and put in jerks at checkout. As always, if you have a correction or omission from this episode, leave me a voicemail at 619 Paul Ask and if you're maybe a little shy for that, well you can write a comment on our discord at discord.gg Httgm then tune in next week to our last looks episode to hear me respond to your messages and announce our next new movie Plus we'll be playing more highlights from my lost Sylvester Stallone podcast But if you just need more content, then I urge you to check out the dark web That's right every Monday Rob Hubel and I dive deep into The Dark Web.

It's free, it's on YouTube, and I think you will love it. Now people, I have some very exciting news. For those of you who don't know, our movie picking producer, Avril Haley, has been struggling in a battle with cancer. She has been kicking its ass, and we got an amazing update. She got great MRI results that showed no more tumors or growth. So I just wanted to say thank you so, so much to everybody who reached out to her,

sent her positive vibes. We have reached out here many times on the show and you have all just shown up and it's meant the absolute world to her and her family. You can keep on sending show and you have all just shown up and it's meant the absolute world to her and her family. You can keep on sending her whatever you want. We've been sending her songs and fan art. You can do the same at andrew at movie bitches.xyz or you can send it via snail mail at avrilhally.po box 641 agorah Agora Hills, California 91376. Nothing perishable or scented, please. And remember, if you listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify,

please make sure you are subscribed to our feed and have automatic downloads turned on in the show settings, it helps us, it really, really does. And last but not least, tell your friends about how did this get made. Yeah, we didn't make the times 100 greatest podcasts of all time for shame. There's a couple on there that was a little questionable, some that just came out, but you know what?

It won't stop us 15 years in, and we're still going to take your recommendations over. Damn time magazines. Anyway, um, a big thank you to everybody who works on this show. There's so many people, but let me talk about the ones that matter the most. Scott Sonny, Molly Reynolds, our movie picking producer, Avery Hiley,

and our engineer, Casey Holford. They bring the show to you every single week. That's all I got people. Hope you're having a stellar Stallone summer, and we'll see you next week on Last Looks. Bye for now.