How Did This Get Made? - God of Egypt w/ Erin Gibson and Bryan Safi (HDTGM Matinee)

Episode Date: February 4, 2025

Erin Gibson and Bryan Safi of the Attitudes podcast joins Paul and Jason in-studio to discuss the 2016 Fantasy film Gods of Egypt. Is it a good sign when the opening narration isn’t confident in remembering the plot of the movie? What was the sphinx saying? Why doesn’t Gerard Butler’s accent stay consistent throughout the movie? All of this and more is covered as they get deep into this green screen adventure. (Originally released 8/19/16) HDTGM Spring Tour 2025 tickets are now on sale for Austin, Denver, Seattle, Boise, San Fran, Portland, & LA at hdtgm.com.Order Paul’s book about his childhood: Joyful Recollections of TraumaCheck out new HDTGM movie merch over at teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmJoin the HDTGM conversation on Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheerVisit Paul’s YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheerFollow Paul’s movie recs on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer/Friend Zone w/ Paul and Rob Huebel live on Twitch every Thursday 5pmPT / 8pmET: www.twitch.tv/friendzoneLike good movies too? Listen to Unspooled with Paul and Amy Nicholson: https://www.unspooledpodcast.com/Listen to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael: www.thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcastWhere to find Paul, June, & Jason:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on social media Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using the link: siriusxm.com/hdtgm.

I am rich, but never seen. I am primarily white, yet full of greenscreen. Who am I? If you guessed the gods of Egypt, you're right. We saw it, and you know what that means. Now it's time for How Did This Get Made? We're gonna have a good time celebrating danger, not just being a hater,

cause we really wonder how did this get made? Let's wallow in the media, creepy as that's far art. Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made? Let's wallow in the media, creepiest of parts. Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made? Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to How Did This Get Made? That is Vander Talens with his real band recording our theme song. Give it up for Vander Talens. That's his real band? Not his fake band?

Well, you know, look, Vander travels with a bunch of different people. It's kind of like the E Street band. It kind of comes and goes. I'm joined as always by Jason Manzoukas. How are you, Jason? I'm good, Paul. How are you? I am very good. I am days away from having a child, which explains why. You look great. Thank you. Thank you.

I feel good. You're carrying it. Energetic. Been drinking. Yeah. Smoking. Yeah, get it. Doesn't affect anything.

Nope. Yep. But it does explain why our second co-host is not here. June Diane Raphael. Drinking, smoking, it doesn't affect anything. Yep. But it does explain why our second co-host is not here. June Diane Raphael, she is on maternity leave. Yep. And so that's that. And after this episode, we're going to go on a brief two to three week paternity, maternity leave.

So Jason, you can just stay here childless. I'll be here, no kids alone, crying in the studio, talking to whoever wants to talk to me about whatever bad movies they've seen. But we have a very special today. Not one guest, but two guests from one of my favorite podcasts. If you've not listened to it, you got to check it out. Please welcome Brian Taffy and Erin Gibson. Yay!

Dang! What an intro! Jason? I'm very excited to have you guys. What's up? Do you have anything to say about our podcast? I love your podcast. Thank you. But let's get into gods of Egypt.

Ooh, I need to apologize. This is a Jason Manzoukas recommendation. This is a Jason Manzoukas recommendation because I caught part of it on HBO recently and was like, oh, we shouldn't do this. And then when I went to watch it, I realized I had watched part of Exodus, Gods and Kings, the Ridley Scott movie that is also a nonsensical, all white people in an environment in which everybody would not be white.

Well, this is an interesting point. Well, I think we stumbled upon something beautiful here. Oh, yes. Oh, this was when I started watching this, I was like, wait a minute. I thought Christian Bale was and then I was like Oh, no, this is terrible Well in case you haven't seen the movie take everything, you know about Egyptian mythology and forget it completely because I think the only thing that you need to know is that maybe Egypt exists So they don't even really get a pyramids. There's really very little Yeah, there's a sphinx. Oh, yeah, that's good and

Anyway, it's about two brothers one good one bad the bad one set that's right set tried to take over the world and the Good one with one eye Horus tries to stop that his nephew. I'm already gonna correct Okay, sorry his nephew tries to stop it with a mortal who is waiting to bring who's just wanting to bring back his dead girlfriend That's basically I mean sort of sort of there. There are so many subplots boring subplots Yeah, everybody I have have no be like it was literally like first draft on mescaline It was also so many meat cutes Yeah, I feel like there was so many times where everyone was flirting even when the dialogue even when no one else was around It was like a flirty and everybody's constantly running into each other

Like we're talking like an expanse of land that is enormous with millions of people plus the underworld Yes, like like and everybody's constantly like oh you're here too. Oh, look at this. Isn't this wild? We're running into each other here. 50% of this movie is people walking into things and seeing people. And then other 50% is things that they've walked into falling down. Yes.

All of which is green screen. Oh. Like, this is a movie that, like, must have been just shot in a green screen prison for these people. I called this movie, like, a platform movie because it's like, all they had was a platform. It's like, all right, you're all on this. Yeah. Don't wear and then everything.

There's the skies exploding and it was all just like so smooth and it just felt like Scottsdale, like really like upper class, she she like desert. It was just that this entire movie and gods of Scottsdale, everything's the same. We haven't yet talked about the fact that the gods are 25 feet tall and the mortals are not. And that is a real thing that happens through the whole movie. Jamie Lannister is 25 feet tall and the human guy he's running around with the whole time is a normal dude or a normal Hollywood actor, so probably 5'1". Yeah, it's opposite Lord of the Rings yes yes yeah and that

that that that was jarring and it also never works never liked the giant person with us it never has looked good in any movie no I don't like POV shots of just like how like looking down on the like it must have made shooting it very difficult yeah I feel like I mean no remember you gotta look down when you talk you down further your ey line is way down here. And this guy only had one eye, so it's even harder. All right, so I wanna just ask a general question because this is when I started watching this,

it was like, are you ever excited to see a movie like this? Like an Egyptian? Always. Always. Really? And I have to be honest with you, always. I think the, I loved, I saw Exodus, God said, I love biblical epics. Okay. I'm not a religious person at all, but I love the 10 commandments.

I love Ben-Hur. I saw Exodus. What do you like about them? I think just the scale, just the absurd, the dialogue never matches the scale of what they're doing. It's always so pedestrian and- Or like modern, like there was one moment where Tiny Man was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down everybody. I was like, no one's ever said that in Egypt.

Ancient Egypt. Ancient Egypt. Well, the first scene where our mortal, you know, meets up with his girlfriend, I'm like, wait, what? It was, it took me by surprise because it was so jarring how casual they were. Very casual. It was, you could have just replaced the scenery and put this in like, wait, wait, it was it took me by surprise because it was so jarring how casual they were It was you could have just replaced the scenery and put this in like a regular like a romcom and of that Completely fine the first ten minutes of this movie is shocking like Really? I stopped it like I gotta rewind it. I miss it. I don't because the die like it the dialogue so cute and

Gerard but everyone no one's accents match at all. No, not at all. Can we just, I want to play Gerard Butler's accent because Gerard Butler is like, I'm not changing the fact that I'm Scottish. Yeah. By the way, I won't do that. But even his own accent is inconsistent throughout the movie. His real voice is inconsistent.

Doesn't match anything. So take out, this is Gerard Butler's accent. Wait. Sorry, I'm late out, this is, uh, Gerard Butler's accent. Wait! Sorry I'm late. Oh! Three days to cross the desert, and nearly one more to pass through all your admirers. Ha!

Set! Brother. Good to see you. And you, brother. There's always a place for you here. Such a big day for the family. This is in front of- Ha ha ha for the family Is in front of millions of you On a stage in front of millions of people at a King's coronation

Ceremony there's opening lot. Wait. Sorry. I'm late. Sorry. It was like that show. Thank God you're here. Yeah I'm gonna that horrible He's like hey guys guys, my bad. But also they're speaking in a voice even lighter than what we're speaking in. So casual. And the audience all heard that joke. Yeah, they were like, ha ha ha. Killed it.

So are gods just naturally amplified? Because they're presenting, but they're not even, they're just like, all right, so we're going to coronate the king today. And they're like, yeah. There's no yelling, there's no pomp and circumstance. And they're in a field bigger than Wembley Stadium talking at a normal volume. They're about to put the crown on Jamie Lannister's head

and Gerard Butler shows up as we just heard. And they then proceed to have an intimate four person conversation on the dais or whatever they are on in front of millions of people who are just wrapped watching them undergo like family drama basically. It would be like if you went to go see like, like if you were to go see Hamilton

and then like Lin-Welm-Well's like mom came on stage and was like, hey baby, you forgot your sandwich. It was like rat level. The show's going great tonight. Oh, thanks mom. And everyone in the audience is like, ooh. Everyone was still as invested as they were in Hamilton. No one has any questions.

It was such a strange choice for the director to be like, so at this coronation, we're gonna be at our most casual. Yes. Like we're just, this is, you just came in. It's like you're grabbing a snack from the kitchen. It really, it, it, that scene. And again, it's these first couple of scenes that you're like, all right, what is going on?

I can't get the tone. They're not even, they're setting up nothing except for the fact that everyone's related. So when Gerard Butler turns on his brother, which as you can see from the beginning, the confusing family tree that happens when you're like, wait, who's related to who? Everybody's ages were wrong because Gerard Butler's brother is played by Brian Brown,

who is a much, much older actor. And Gerard Butler is the uncle of Jamie Lannister. And they're the same age. They appear to me to be the same age Yeah And Jeffrey Rush is all of is the grandfather who I believe is the same age as Brian Brown 100% I was like what's doing here? Is Jeffrey Rush Zeus? No, he's Ra Okay, I mean I wish we'd have a Greek pantheon of gods come down and kick these gods' ass. It's true.

That's what I'm talking about. Man, do you gods have, can your gods turn into battle armor? Can they turn into like Iron Man with animal heads? No, Greek gods can't do that because that's ludicrous. This is skipping ahead, but there was a literal Iron Man moment. Yes. Yeah, he's like, kuk, kuk, kuk, kuk. Yeah, I would have rather watched them stop the film, put in that scene from Iron Man,

than start the film again. Because he's like, he's, when he does do that thing, he's like dipped into boiling hot lava. And they're putting in pieces. But this is the thing I was so confused by, and this will kind of run throughout the whole movie. Are these Egyptian gods, pieces can be taken out like Legos. Well that's a big deal. Like a no-lick.

Yeah. So at the end of the coronation, Gerard Butler pulls Jamie Lannister's eyes out. And the eyes come out like they're from a car. Spark plugs. They come out like they're blue glowing spark plugs. Like they unscrew. Yeah. Meanwhile his eyes.

Because later he gets them and just pops them back in like screw, screw, screw, uh oh, my eyes work again. And also, you would think that maybe they would do something to his eyes when they were in because there are these blue glowing orbs. But no, just totally normalized. There's nothing even special about anything. Well no, he has specialized because he can see,

you remember when you see his point of view, he can like zoom in on things. He's got eagle eyes? Which didn't happen, it happened like twice. I know. And we were supposed to get that. And far enough away where you forgot that that was a thing he could do.

Correct, yes. So this is skipping before, but I think the opening line of the movie is something like, Get ready, this is gonna suck. Is like, yeah, it was like, let me see how much of this I can recall. That's literally, and it was like, what?

Wait, because the narrator is the mortal as an old man, right? Yes, well, the Jeremy Irons, it sounded like Jeremy Irons. Oh, I hope it was. And the mortal did not. No. We can play a little bit of that opening just to hear the opening VO, because it is pretty great

to be like You know the whole story from what I recall There's something like this History began Their birthplace of all life. That's not nice worthy of the gods who created it So not only are they doing this what what they're doing here is saying, again, everything you know about mythology in Egypt, you gotta forget that, because they were gonna do something different.

And also, I don't even know if I know exactly what happened. So it's like, it's two frames of being confused. It's like, so confusing. You have no frame of reference for it, and I'm not a reliable narrator. And then the mortal guy really, I mean, it really just was like lifting, it was like watching a real life version of Aladdin.

Like it was that annoying and just like stealing, robbing, asides. He drove me a little crazy. Watch me, watch me do a cartwheel. Yeah, it was just, I don't know. His wheel really bothered me. I didn't like his hair. No.

I didn't like his hair. I felt like, huh? It looked like, I don't know. His hair really bothered me. I didn't like his hair. No. I didn't like his hair. I felt like... It looked like a pre-revolutionary war, like Judge's wig. It was sort of like in the Patriot. But like not, yeah. I kept wanting to see a small ponytail of his neck, but it never showed up. You know what's interesting? The guy that does the voice of older Beck.

Yes. Also, the main mortal's name is like the least Egyptian. It's his name is Beck. And he looks just like a white handsome guy. He couldn't, it's basically like, we want to do a movie that's set in ancient Egypt, starring like a waspy British guy whose name is Beck. Like this is nonsense.

Anyway, the guy Beck is 26, and the guy that does that ancient voice is just 30. What? That's, that's amazing. It is amazing. I had to look up, because the whole movie, I didn't really understand anyone's names, and so for the entire movie,

I thought that Gerard Butler's name was Seth. Oh yeah. Well, it's, what is it? Seth. Seth. So it's, I mean, I get that. But I was like, but it's much funnier if's name was Seth. Oh yeah. Well, it's, what is it? Seth. Seth, yeah, Seth. So it's, I mean, I get that. But I was like, but it's much funnier if his name is Seth.

Do you know what drove me crazy? That's like Kevin Lannister on Game of Thrones. Yeah. Tywin Lannister's brother's name is Kevin. Oh, and here's Kevin Lannister, wait, what? We've got Tywin, Tyrion, all these great names and then oh Kev get over here Kev Sorry, Brian. Go ahead. I know what drove me that one moment that really got under my skin because I I was just like what a great opportunity

Did anyone understand what the Sphinx was saying? Oh, no Clip to I was so excited for that riddle and it was I had to rewind this clip too! I was so excited for that riddle and it was unintelligible! It was the only part of the movie that I really agree. I was like, okay, this is cool, like I understand that this is a thing and they gotta get the smart guy. Problem solving, I can get on, I understand plot wise why this can happen. Great.

This is the Sphinx and you can hear it and I wrote down what it was because I did Google it. Here we go, this is the Sphinx in the movie. Spock has announced the king. Pulse of my faith. Okay, just stop right there. Stop right there for a this is the Sphinx in the movie Spothos announced the king. Pulse from my brain. Okay just stop right there. And push your lotion in the basket.

What? From the get-go nothing makes sense. It's so much reverberating. It's worse than Bane. Yes. I'm like well this is arguably the only part of the movie that you have watched in a year. And it's the riddle of the Sphinx. This is like, ugh, OK. Sorry, go ahead. Just as the path has now been taken,

are you ready or cease to be? Go on. I'm waiting. I never was. I'm always to be. No one ever saw me, nor ever will. And yet I am the confidence of all who live and breathe. What?

Order. And by the way, this is where this movie kind of sucks ass too, because you asked that question, and you can actually hear it a little bit better when you've isolated all the images because the majority of this movie also is just snake-like creatures. Yes. Like someone was like hey can you design some creatures? Yeah they can all be snake-like. As long as they can all slither. Yeah everything the Sphinx was slithery they had like guys riding on giant dune snakes. I loved those. Oh those are pretty cool. I like that sequence. Was that lady from Diant Word?

Oh my gosh, I wonder. I don't think it is, but I just can't, no. They were in Chappy though, the Diant Word people. Oh, okay. They were in Chappy. Good, that's what I needed. I needed to know they were in something. Oh, don't you worry, they're out there.

Are you talking about Yaya? Ninja and, um, Ninja and the, oh yeah. The Diant Word people, of course. No, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry. They're good to the snake ladies. I believe it was word people? No, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry. In this movie, I believe it was Yaya Ding as Annette and Abby Lee as Annette. Annette. Annette.

Annette. Annette. Annette. Annette. Annette. Annette. Annette. Annette.

Annette. Annette. Annette. Annette. Annette. Annette. Annette. Annette. Annette. Annette. confused about where we were at. Like I was even confused when I was like, are we in the underworld? Are we not in the underworld? It's a movie in which people are constantly

going from place to place. I don't have any understanding of where and why. No. Oftentimes they don't know. Yeah. A lot of times characters are saying, why are we here? Yeah. Why are we here?

Oh, we got to talk to Ra. Okay. How are we doing that? Bing, bang, boom. Now we're at Ra. And also every scene felt cut so short that they just like, they just sliced it in half and you were always in a new place. And it's still two hours. Yeah, it's a 126 minute movie. They like and that's the other thing too like at the end they're like well, let's go back to the Capitol. Oh, you had that ability to like just

Traverse from the underworld to back to the real world like and when the girlfriend just leaves the location when she's about to be killed, and I'm like, you could have done this the entire time. It's so stupid. How did this could be? How did this could be? By the way, I wrote two lines down that I think illustrate similar points of like, there was what you were saying earlier

about the voiceover where you're like, why are- They're like, we don't give a shit, why should you? There was one where Jamie Lannister said to John Bon Jovi, which is what I'm calling that mortal. Because you know there was like weird like, like, oh, this is going to be a funny scene or orchestral music. Like, oh, we're about to say something funny. So we're going to show you with this like Looney Tunes thing.

There was a moment where Jamie Lannister said, do you think I'd put any effort in trying to amuse you? Which I was like, well, this whole film doesn't understand the irony in that. And then there's another one where it was like, why are we here? Why haven't you figured this out? It was next time run towards their weak spot. This is about the snakes.

And then Bon Jovi says, how do you know they have a weak spot? And then Jamie Lannister says, I don't know, but they must, right? Yeah. I'm like, this is not happening in real time yeah this is script you can figure this out why and why doesn't why can't he know yeah why can't you know that they have a

weak spot in order to defeat them and why didn't you know what running was? yeah by the way this is also my my irritation with this whole movie is like you set up these things that should be like they get the philosopher right that guy Toth who I liked Chadwick Boseman yeah Yeah, I can't that's Black Panther. Yeah shocking yeah, and he comes in and they set him up you know he's contemplating a head of lettuce and and And then they bring him there, and he doesn't figure out the fucking clue the mortal does and I felt like that was like a weird Undercutting like we got to get this character

This character is so important. We got to get him. Do you get three guesses? Yeah, that was Allowed three guess that also drove me crazy I was like, I don't know that maybe that is part of the rule of the riddle of the Sphinx that I'm just not Knowing but like I he's very lenient like he gives his answer and he's like wrong He smacked Jamie Lannister once. And then they're like, oh, wait a minute. Well, let me try again. Wait, what?

Is that a loud? Is that a loud? Yeah, that drove me crazy. If you think about what happened in the first 30 minutes, first hour. Oh, we still haven't even talked about the architect. Oh, the architect. Oh, the architect.

I love that guy. Me too. Didn't you, is this unfair to say, as shitty as this movie was, I respected every single person in there because they, I thought they did a great job for the bullshit that they had to do. Everyone was in. Like everyone was like, I am here, I am committing.

Like, Gerard Butler, like, I know he didn't do anything with that accent, sometimes it didn't match, but I was like, fuck man, he's like ready, he's like, I'm gonna do bad guy, bad guy. This is where I will say, like, I, and I believe this to be true a Cast of Americans could not make this movie. Oh, yeah. No, there's simply something about a these are like This is controversial. I know people are gonna write it and be like no, that's not true Here's this person that person but this is a movie in which everybody everybody in it is like men But this is a movie in which everybody in it is like men. Right.

Grown men, you know, like fighting and for honor and the hierarchy of all this stuff. And for some reason we just associate that with like, whether it's like British people or whether it's, I guess, you know, Jamie Lannister's Danish? Yeah, or like Australia, like the Hemsworths, whatever. Great. And then there are men, there there's something about those accents There's something about this that I'm like, you know, I get what this is Yeah, and like I don't know if you could cast Americans in all these roles and have it land, right?

Well, you probably it gives it that that like for whatever it is that weird bullshit realness was like the same way You're saying that that guy is like just a few years older than the 26 year old voiceover It's like he sounds like he's lived a life. That sounded to me like Jeremy Irons, like, yeah, let me tell you the story. And it's like, oh yeah, I'm just 32 years old. I'm 32. And yeah, I'm like, I just got a new iPhone. And then I programmed it. You know, the thing that is still that is, we talked about at the beginning, but that is so shocking in these in these epics still, especially like is set in Egypt That has not changed since like Cecil B de Mil did the Ten Commandments is the full-blown whitewashing

Oh, yeah, every single character except for Chadwick Boseman and slaves Yeah, Chadwick Boseman is kind of playing again like the guy. Yes We got to talk to this guy. He knows more than us Yeah, which is also a stereotypical kind of legend of Bagger Vance as a character. Like the wise black man. Yeah. I feel like Chadwick Boseman in this movie, to me,

was what I imagine Gina Gresham was like for Showgirls, and that she was like, I get what this is. So let's have fun. Yeah. I think Jeffrey Rush. Like he was doing a crazy accent. Jeffrey Rush killed it. Like I pulled a clip of him, Jeffrey Rush doing,

him just talking about. Jeffrey Rush now, I I have I pulled a clip of him Jeffrey Rush doing Him just talking about Jeffrey Rush now. I believe only does movies in which he has to undergo a lot of prosthetics You know like Cuz isn't he Pirates of the Caribbean? Oh, yeah You're like I feel like that's what he does now I think he's like if I'm gonna be on a movie like on this level cover me up Yeah, as much as I can get on my face so you can't is it Jeffrey Rush? I'm not sure. Yeah they all played by that role which was I think really smart if you're lazy of like for the fight scenes can we just

transform into something where you don't need us. Oh absolutely. It's all that happened. Absolutely. And then like the movie even ends on the most irritating thing is like you know you know obviously the good guy wins and he's like, you know, obviously the good guy wins, and he's like, uh... The good guy being, um, Jamie Lannister and baby Bon Jovi. Yeah, baby Bon Jovi, and then he goes like, hey, you watch Egypt for a while. And then it's just like... I'm gonna go fuck my girlfriend, where is she? I'm gonna go find her, she's in the underworld. Just, this is how, uh, Jeffrey Rush can kind of just kill, uh, just kill it, right, when he he gets on stage with even a weird line, here we go.

Hail thou great god Ra. Normally when a bird lands on my boat, I kill it before it can shit. What is this, you dare bring mortal to the source of creation? He's valuable to me, I could not leave him behind. I think he's great, I feel like he's delivering that line and I feel like, so good. I wanted more space boat Jeffrey Rush.

I like space boat Jeffrey Rush. Again, or space raft, I should say. What is that? What is that? What's the worm? Yep. Oh, the worm is like, I thought at first, this is my. Is it the worm from Dune?

I think so. The worm from Beetlejuice, definitely auditioned for this. But that worm gets work. He's a great worm. I think so. Oh. The worm from Beetlejuice definitely auditioned for this. Yeah. I read about that. But that worm gets work. Oh, it's a great worm. Oh, yes. It is a great worm. And not at least not like that worm from Tremors.

No. The Tremors worm pushes it. Yeah. And this worm is always just doing it. That's the mac and meat worm. There is something about a monster with rows of teeth that is totally fascinating. Oh, I like that.

And effective. Yeah. Well, to me, this is what I thought. And then I realized I was wrong. But I will share with you my bad idea So he is the god of the Sun right now every day He battles with the night and that was the night and like so like the night beats him and then it's night And then in the beats it back and it's the morning so it's this constant battle

But then I just found out it's chaos right the snake of chaos Yeah. God that would have been good if they had gone with that. I would have liked that idea. But you're not wrong because it does fight during the night. He's like, he has to keep the worm at bay at night. When it's the strongest? When it's trying to attack I think. Okay. I don't know. I mean I'm also confused about the powers in this world because they always are saying

they can't bring anyone back from the dead but yet in this movie Constantly everyone's being brought back every rush is killed in space. He's like hey wake up. What? Am I ready to go? I also had an issue with the fact that I Was angry about the fact that that gods got to decide what your afterlife was Oh, yeah, that was just at the whim. Whoever was ruling. That's what I mean now. When the girlfriend goes to the underworld, you see this gigantic line. And then all of a sudden, she's at the front of it. I'm like, she made really good time in the underworld.

And they also said it was going to take like seven days to walk to the scales of whatever, the afterlife. Another boat, it looked like to me. So many boats. So many boats. I liked the underworld decision-making scene. I thought that was boats. I liked those. I liked the underworld decision making scene. I thought that was cool. I liked when they went to the underworld.

I also liked that the guy running the St. Peter of the underworld, he decided when shit went down, he's like, oh, hey, hold on, whoa, whoa, whoa, the underworld's closing out. Guys, back up, back up, back up. Don't walk into this shit. Okay, okay. Like you became like a real frustrated, like just manager of like a Best Buy.

Like, ah, ah, ah. All right, everybody calm down. We're gonna get this stuff that our computers are down right now. So we're not gonna be able to decide who goes to heaven or who goes to hell. I can only take cash, no credit cards. The machines are down.

Your gold is worthless. I know what I was gonna say. So at the end of the movie, spoiler alert, no one cares. At the end of the movie, you don't know where the girl, you don't know where Seth's girlfriend is. Yes, oh her. Yes, Zaya. Oh, oh, oh, Electra.

Yeah, Electra. Electra from the Daredevil series. Yes. You don't know where she is, and then I was reading online that they were, was this Sony? Or whoever did the Hunger Games? Lionsgate.

Okay, so Lionsgate was like, this was at the same time, I guess they were producing at the same time or something at the same time as Hunger Games. And so they were setting this up as a new franchise that would be as successful as Hunger Games. So that's why that has a cliffhanger ending, because they were setting it up to be a whole movie. To be like more films. That's so dumb, because I don't think people are interested in these kinds of movies.

Like none of those epic skits make money. Well, that's what I was going to say. They all fail time and time again. Prince of Persia, Exodus of God, The New Ben Hur. I just saw Quester and I was like, ugh. I feel like these are movies that are made for international audiences. 100%.

But then again, okay, this movie cost like $140 million. $140 million. What? And it made $145 million. All overseas. But even if it's overseas. Domestically or that's added, everything all in. No, it made like $30 million domestically.

Yeah. Whoa. It came out, we were talking about this before, it came out a few months ago. Yeah, it came out in 2016. Do they have any recollection? What? February 26th. I thought this movie was like two years old. It came out a few months ago. Yeah, it came out in 2016. Do you have any recollection? What? I thought this movie was like two years old.

No, this came out like months ago. Wide release. I am shocked. By the way, the Rotten Tomatoes score is 16%. I mean, for a $140 million movie, that's exceptionally low. This movie is, I really want to reiterate, this movie is terrible. Yeah. Yeah. But again, the performances are good. Yeah. That's what I admire.

Except for a few, which I didn't care for. But like, I love, I'm just, I'm all in on Gerard Butler. Same. Yeah. I'm all in. I wish this guy would do better stuff because I find him interesting Compelling he yeah, his characters are always well-rounded. He does bizarre weird idiosyncratic He can be funny. Yeah, he could beat Matthew McConaughey at the game of doing quality movies really well Yeah, he's like he could be to me. I'm like, oh, why isn't he having? Russell Crowe's career right? Why is he doing this and not a gladiator? Yeah, like something that is a Swords and Sandals movie,

but is actually good. But I think what it is is he's a guy, like he had his 300, right? Like that was his big boom, I'm here. And he was so good. But then I think he's made some good choices, but the movies haven't gotten, haven't clicked. Cause I think Olympus Has Fallen is hands down,

one of my favorite like action'm sorry. It's so good against in that old very fun 80s Great. I'll it's like there's like ripping out throats, but he's great. Oh, yeah, it's like it's not like schlocky It's in Morgan Freeman's in it and like good people are in it But I feel like I feel like he's a fun-loving guy. He's like, fuck it, let's do it. Fucking do this, this'll be fun. And I think he may not be picking, I don't know. I mean, with Matthew McConaughey, the issue was from my understanding

that the production company he had, he was just saying yes to all these rom-coms and not really thinking about the movie and was surrounding himself by people who were like, yeah, just make the money, make the money. So it might be a situation where Gerard Butler's like, surrounded by- Save Gerard Butler.

Please, we gotta get him new reps. Let's represent him. We will get him some solid work. Let's start a management company. It's all called, do a movie with Alice and Janie, it'll fix everything. Yeah. Well look, I'm looking at it as a-

Is that it? That's the- I just feel like if you go- That's the project. The road to recovery begins with Alice and Janie. Yeah. I'm looking at it. Is that it? That's the project. The road to recovery is begins with Alison Janet. Yeah. I do feel like this is an interesting thing too. And I feel like Sam Jackson falls into this same category where like they asked him on time, like, why do you do all these movies? And because Sam Jackson's quality of work is like Michael Caine. Yes. Right. Yeah.

But Sam Jackson said something that I feel like may be similar to him, which is he's like, oh, I want to be in the movies that I liked as a kid. So like he's just like, oh, giant shark movie. I'm in. Yeah. King Kong movie. You get it. Like, and I think he's sort of like, I'm in on the simple premise of fuck, cool, we're

going to blow up this city. And I feel like when you look at a lot of his stuff, he's working with cool people. Like, you know, it's like the guy who wrote Seven. All right, I'll be in the next movie that he does. You know, the guys who did Crank, I'll be in their movie. I'll make a romantic comedy with Catherine Heigl at the height of Catherine Heigl

being in romantic comedies. Like, he's making all the right choices. Jennifer Aniston, great. Like, again, it's like, he's not like, devaluing. It's just sort of like, either gets there a day late or like no one cares. He does get there a day late. Yeah, just like, oh.

If you had, if you had as much money as I assume Gerard Butler has, wouldn't there be a point where you're like, I don't need to do, I want to start doing stuff that is actually. Unless you're just having a blast. He may just not realize it yet. You don't think so. is actually... Unless you're just having a blast. He may just not realize it yet.

You don't think so. I will say sometimes you're making something and you're like, this may be bad or it may be great. I don't know. I think it must be hard to know that when you're making... He could have thought this was gonna be good. I don't think anyone works on a movie they think is gonna be bad.

I think everyone's like, oh, you know what? It'll all come together and it's... We don't even... Especially in a movie like this, because you're like, we don't even know what is going to be here. Visually, it's going to be amazing. And we've got Jamie Lannister, and we've got Jeffrey Rush,

and we've got all these great actors. The most, one of the most surprising things about it is with that budget, and I honestly was like, well, this just must have been released overseas, not here. But that it was, and that they thought it would be a franchise operation, that the special effects were so terrible. Really bad. They were shitty.

Awful, like some of the worst I've seen. And the sound design was like, oh, these two robot birds are fighting, let's get two pots and pans. Ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching. It was like someone was going through grandma's like, eyebrows. But it takes place in ancient Egypt,

and it's as if every single thing is made of metal. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like it might as well take place in ancient Egypt and it's as if every single thing is made of metal. You know what I mean? Like it might as well take place in a future society where everything is metal. No offense, but total offense to Zack Snyder because I think he set up this style of filmmaking. Like 300 was cool and different and I've not seen anything using that style that has achieved anything as interesting. Down to the old man video. That was such a yeah, yeah It was all those elements are it was exactly that and it just like that look cool because it was sort of like you could

Tell it they didn't have enough money to do it and they were they did something cool and made it style Yeah, but when you have a hundred and forty million dollars It just like it just feels like so loaded. Yeah, they had a hundred and forty million dollars, but Looking at this movie, you have to say, it's not like they chose their spots to do CGI animation here, or here's this one battle we're gonna do. All of the movie is always computer generated. So when you get something like the snakes,

you're like, well, I've already seen 17 of these things by the time you get to the snakes. So even if it's impressive. And the snakes have no weight in the world. You know what I mean? Like everything, even though the snakes look cool, like the, when you put snakes in a world in which the ground is CGI, the snakes are CGI, the background is CGI, everything is green screen. And no one's, then you're like, I don't know what I'm looking at. I don't know what's going on. Everything is green screen. Then you're like, I don't know what I'm looking at. I don't know what's going on. And no one seems to care about, like nothing seems like, ooh. Yeah.

Just like, oh, meh. Because when literally anything can happen, like nothing is surprising or carries any weight. There's no stakes because everything you can, because nothing, there's no stakes because nothing feels real. Like when baby Jon Bon Jovi breaks into Gerard Butler's house or whatever to steal

Jamie Lannister's eye, there's like a, what could be a cool, like you have to pass like Indiana Jones style, a bunch of traps. You know, it's a whole secret, three different bridges of traps that he has to outsmart and it's as if this kid's got this kid Might as well be spider-man. He has superpowers where he is able to like Gymnastically jump and bounce and this and that tension even none of it was real doesn't even try to make it look hard But I got it all

He is almost killed in almost every scene of the movie and never is ever nervous never breaks a sweat never is like oh that was tough he lives in a world where buildings are constantly falling down so again he is like and being built and being built set builds a tower that is higher than any other tower I think within like a year oh it was it was a year it was a year and it was already pretty high up. In this world, if you're a nine foot god and you have infinite powers.

Oh no, they're like 25 feet tall. By point, exactly. Like why would you then have like mortal slaves building your shit? Oh, because they are like ants. You can do it in five seconds. Oh no, they're not gonna do it, they're gods. No, no, no.

That's why they need their architect, which gets back to yeah Architect why did okay? Why did? Horace okay, so his name's Horace right at the end of the movie The protagonist yeah Horace is Jamie Lannister. Yeah, okay, so Jamie Lannister Jamie and I like that actor as well what's a Rufus Sewell? Yeah? Yeah? He was great He's good. No one would ever fuck someone named Horace, ever. Really?

I just wanna say. If this was a radio play version, people would be- But Horace, the root word in that is whore. Oh, right, you're right. It's pretty slutty. Look, I'll say this, like, if you're a Horace and you're a fan of the show, we do not, we don't, Aaron does not speak for us.

No. You know, I would totally fuck a Horace. So would I. Come at me, bro. And just so you know, I don't wanna offend anyone who- I don't fuck a Horace. So would I. Come at me, bro. And just so you know, I don't want to offend anyone who is- I don't want to put Horaces on blast here. Egyptian religion, it is the most significant deities in their culture.

Oh boy. Yeah. So just so you know- Come at me. Come at me, Greek nerds. No, not Greek nerds. Not Greek. Greek, what?

Egyptian nerds. Egyptian, anybody. I don't care who you are. Doubling down. When, at the end of the movie, Horace and baby John Bon Jovi are going up with Rufus Sewell, the architect, up the elevator in the tower that is the tallest tower. And they're on the elevator. Why is there an elevator?

Come on, that would not happen. Okay, regardless. Here they are. And then Jamie Lannister is like, you know what? I'm going to jump out the window and climb up the front of this building rather than continue to take this elevator up. Why? Can I ask you a question about that scene?

Why? Why does he climb up the front of the building? Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. They're in an elevator going to the top. Yeah. What's up? Well, this is why I'm confused about that scene and maybe this will answer it or be more confusing.

So they're in the elevator with the architect. Is the architect helping him, them and why? I think he's under hostage. Yes, I think they're holding him hostage. Oh, okay. So, but he's, okay. All right, fine. I, the whole thing. Right, because then he says, I'm ready to die. But then he also says he's like, well, cause I was confused because they're like, take us to whatever the top penthouse, please. And then they're on the way up. The architect is like, this building boasts 15,000 feet of stone.

And I was like, we're on House Letters International. He's just proud. He's proud of his work. He's a master builder. Well, by the way, one of my favorite things, it's not a joke, but I just love the specific that he had a desk, and's like all these scrolls. Oh, yeah.

Like, oh, the scrolls smell like blueprints. I just like that he'd be like, oh, sit down. I've got all these scrolls just like going through. So good. Scrolls. It's like, and I get that he has a room full of scrolls. And then also, they look at the blueprint. And the blueprint is.

Bananas. The blueprint is like cave drawing. No, it's like hieroglyphics. Hieroglyphics. It's all hieroglyphics. It's hieroglyphics. And they're like, oh, look at this great design. Oh, yeah. Oh, and this is like cave drawing. No, it's like hieroglyphics. Hieroglyphics. It's all hieroglyphics. It's hieroglyphics. And they're like, oh, look at this great design.

Oh yeah. Oh, and this is like, this branch is gonna have some jobs. There's a trap here. And it's like, and you're looking at this nonsense, I mean not nonsense, but it's like, they're reading hieroglyphics as if. As if it's like just casual speak. Yeah.

And they are like slaves who would never know how to read. Never know how to do that. Well, by the way, I think the one part of the movie I really wanted to see when that girl puts on that green dress that he steals for her at the beginning of the movie and This girl the woman is beautiful But she puts on the green dress and it's as if the green dress in ancient Egypt That is for sale like in honest in a street store has like a built-in push-up bra It is like it is like a built-in push-up bra. Oh yeah! That was crazy. It is like a red carpet dress.

Tits up all the time. They built the pyramids and they also built up the bra. They built those pyramids if you know what I'm talking about. You know the Egyptians did invent the bra. Really? That's a real thing. So maybe you're wrong. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe that's what they're trying to get at. It's the only thing they got factually correct in this whole movie. Those tits were high and tight. I do feel like the movie did have an element of someone sitting behind the camera going like, Sick. Sick. That's fucking sick, bro. Oh, you know what? Or them coming to the movie like,

Okay, so you guys are going to get up on this thing, and then what you're not seeing is that you guys are in a flying chariot that is being carried by giant bugs. Wait, what? Okay. So there's flying giant bugs. And so you're flying those instead of like horses or something. But it's a chariot with flying bugs. And remember, you're always looking a little bit up because he's 9 to 25. And remember, talk a little loud because like the ambient wind noise would be there.

But I think that this director, because he's done some cool stuff. He did the crow and he did dark cities. Alex Reus? Yeah, he's done some interesting stuff. I feel like he got everyone on board because no one seems self-conscious about getting on a chariot run by scarabs and like hitting them like you would hit like horses. Like, yeah! Yeah!

When you bring him up, the fact, this is why I said Greek earlier, he's a Greek guy born, he's born of Greek parents in Egypt. Wait, which character? Oh, he grew up, the director grew up in Egypt. So the fact that, and I guess that he and the producers apologize as a preemptive thing for all the whitewashing, which I mean, honestly, that's what made me super bummed out was this guy lived in Egypt and was like on board for this casting.

Well, it's also like, it's funny when people go, yeah, he didn't really think about it. We're thinking about the- You can't make a $140 million movie though, without like- Without white people? Without a white cast. That is like the craziness of it.

But without like thinking like, huh, look out, one guy in there. That's yeah, but yes I like yeah, like no no the reality is like they should just not make this movie Yeah, but also I feel like who for Game of Thrones Jamie Lannister She's not a box office that it seems like such a conscious choice to be like well this guy probably will bring in what? $500 I like I don't know. I tell you this. I took a, I had a meeting, a Hollywood meeting.

Oh, welcome to Hollywood corner with Paul G. Here you go guys. Real facts. How did this get made? Right up for you. Here you go. Uh, I remember I was in this meeting and they had this like a binder with all the actors that they wanted to work with and who they thought were going to be doing TV

really soon and the list was Ridiculous the people they thought were going to be edging into TV have had gigantic movies in the last year So it's like they're that's how far off but the last page of this like pamphlet of all their actors What a picture of the cast of Game of Thrones. And at the top, it was like, we want to work with any of these people. It was like, and that was their mandate. Any of these people.

And I think that that is the mentality. It's like, yes. Every Game of Thrones person is in this coming to this. Well, that's why you're seeing, I just saw Ghost, the dire wolf, in an episode of Modern Family. Pfft. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Deep cut! Those dire wolves are working constantly nonstop. But to be fair, the dire wolf was doing comedy. Is that a real name of the dire wolf? Of course. Oh, Ghost? Who's was he? Ghost is Jon Snow's dire wolf.

Oh. Yeah, he was a, Summer. But he did Groundlings. Yeah, that's right. And he had a comedy background, he got into this, so it's easy for him to do that. No, it's my, it was uh, but he did but he did Groundlings. Yeah. And he had a comedy background. He got into this. So it's easy for him. No, it's my it makes more actually he made more sense. And isn't he lucky that he can do both? Oh, yeah. Comedy and drama.

Comedy's hard so not everyone can do that. You can't always fluctuate. That's what I love and I love that thing like, you know, you've got your your Thoros of Mir. You know, like I want to see that guy pop up in an episode of Better Call Saul. Absolutely. Like with Jaime Lannister, this is the question I have. Will anybody recognize anyone from Game of Thrones

in regular clothes? Because Jaime Lannister at least looks like his Game of Thrones character in this? Yes, he does. That's the thing is I feel like- Except for Shirless, which is like, hey, guess what we got? Oh, and by the way, he worked out so hard. I noticed in one part of that movie,

I read one thing online that he got down to 7% body fat. So when you do that, your muscles are insane. And he was wearing some sort of bodice that looked like he had breast. Oh no, that was the one that had the male where it looked like he had like pendulous breasts. Yeah. He looked like he had breasts. They were just like Blanca was like, wow, I've never seen like male breasts like, pendulous breasts. Yeah, he looked like he had breasts. They were just like, blank. I was like, wow, I've never seen like, male breasts like that. Male cleavage. Yeah, it was like, every time I watched these movies, one of the first things that pops into my head

is always the diets. And how miserable they must have been. Especially on the days where they're shooting the fully like, topless, like, chest out rips. And what a shitty week they've had. Oh, yeah. They have to like, pound water. It's a male eating disorder, that shit that they have to go through.

You have to pound water and then like you gotta get it all out and then you got like basically like four minutes to get it. No salt, no soda. Yeah. Yeah. The fact that he went through a very depressing thing, which is that he lost his eyes. Oh yeah.

And then he's in a cave for a long time. A great cave. A year. I mean a really nice set up. By the way, not a bad deal. No. I would have been happy with that. And it seems to be what they're bringing.

Guys, I'm 25 feet tall. And people bring me tributes. Yeah, but where are the- Was he like, wait, we're tribute sex? Is that because he's like, oh, no more tributes? He's living a pretty good life. But where are the free weights? He's just doing-

Where is it? Is it like, like it like Hamilton style? Push up on the crips. You know, there's no such thing as an out of shape. They don't work out. That's the thing I thought, too. I was like, he's been in that cave all this time and he's like, he pops one eye back in and he's ready to fight.

Yeah. And I was like, wouldn't you be like fattened out of shape at this point? I would have liked to have seen that scene. Yeah. Of him having a Rocky style. Yeah. Am I going to ask a question that reveals how stupid I am, but I will?

Like, he said he doesn't have all of his power, but he didn't seem to lose any power. Like, he, like- What it was was, without two eyes, he was trying to say without two eyes, he couldn't fly well. But he does. Ish.

But doesn't he- Remember when they crash land? Oh, wow. It's like that, I think. But I thought at that point that was because Ra had given him some kind of like like booster shot or something like yeah Like he had a b12 shop and they ran out and they don't show it either He's like can I get that can I take some of this water? No, no, it's a guy get back out there

I don't know. He does take the water. He wants the water to put out the fire not to drink Okay, the water is to put out the fire which they then don't know he does take the water he wants the water to put out the fire not to drink Okay, the water is to put out the fire which they then don't do Important he's carrying this water vial around that he gets he gets water from the Ross Sun Ocean Space is water right that's what this movie's posits is this space is full of water Yeah, well the other thing I was gonna to say about him. Does it make the worm a fish? Well, I mean, well then, then for that to, well. I mean, right?

I get an eel. Yeah. It would be an eel. The fact that he doesn't, we are not clear about what his powers are exactly. And at the end, I still have questions on, because there's a part where John Bon Jovi's like falling off that big obelisk or whatever.

And then he goes to rescue him and he turns... Jamie Lannister does? Jamie Lannister goes to rescue him and he turns into the Iron Bird from all the Journey albums. And then he grabs him and he's like, oh, I thought you couldn't fly. And he's like, I guess I had it in me this whole time. I just needed to choose other people, not myself. But that's just such bullshit because then that defeats the other thing where he's like when the other guy, when Gerard Butler takes like the three parts and like kind of tin

mans himself is like, I'm putting your brain in and your eye and whatever in your heart. He's like, really strong. And that's the thing is they keep saying in order to beat Set we have to like extinguish his fire with the space water. They don't extinguish the fire so the fire is always burning. Plus Set also makes himself much stronger by putting in the brain, wings, eye of other gods which make him almost undefeatable and Jaime Lannister is just like bang bang bang haha I win! I know that's right it was that I ripping his wings off that's all he does right he rips his wings off he rips the the brain out the brain out. By the way that fight

sequence is like 25 minutes yeah and also when it's the two actors fighting it looks so lazy so terrible they don't know they weren't trained well, or they couldn't, they weren't up to it or something. It feels like they may have had training, and they put on these very heavy costumes, and it's like, ugh. Yeah. It just looks lethargic.

And I'm like, I don't know what happened there. I don't either. It did not look good there. Did you guys laugh when there was a moment where Jamie Lannister, I don't remember what happened, but he had his wings off, or something happened where he landed like Iron Man. Do you remember that?

Yeah, he was like boom, yeah. I also liked when Gerard Butler told the girlfriend that he was gonna go see his wife and she was like, but that's your wife, what are you gonna do with her? He's like, what are wives for? I'm gonna kill her. And it was like, what was that logic? Yeah.

I loved that line. The male female relationships in this movie left a lot to be desired. Well, the fact that Jamie Lannister's wife or girlfriend then got involved with Seth out of necessity. I'm not going to back down on Seth. Out of necessity. And then she makes jokes about how she's actually his enemy.

But then she turns out she is his enemy, but he puts up with her anyway. She's also, when she meets baby John Bon Jovi, she becomes obsessed with the fact that he's in love. Yeah. This movie exists in a world in which the gods are mostly obsessed with just whether or not people are in love.

Yeah. Like in true love. But that's kind of like one of those weirdo things I feel like gods are these like voyeurs. They're like the people like why people fuck like I feel like Hercules in New York. Yeah, they're always like trying to figure out what love is cuz they I think they do they don't experience it It's the one that's an experience. I don't think they do. I think I got a God of love What about the goddess of love? She's giving people love. Yeah Gangster of love Steve She was the- She was giving people love. Yeah, and- What about the gangster of love, Steve Miller? Well, that, yeah, he's also Greek.

Yeah. So yeah, he's like, that's true. That's true. Yeah, it's Zeus, Apollo, Steve Miller, Aphrodite. Only some call him a gangster of love. That's not a unanimous. Some people just call him Maurice. That's just- Guys, all true. Some people just call him Maurice.

Guys, some people just call him Maurice. That was my favorite tangent. I want someone to make a picture of Steve Miller in these outfits, just superimpose his head on a guy. He deserves that. I think he'd like this movie. Oh, I think it's Steve Miller. It's his number one movie of 2016.

He was all over domestic sales. I like Secret Life like this movie. Oh, I think it's Steve Miller. It's his number one movie of 2016 I like the secret life of pets. I liked God's Egypt. I can't be Mr. Robot. Is that a movie? No, that's a TV show. I like Mr. Robot I still can't believe he came out this year. It's so great. That is shocking. By the way did I just you know, I did Sorry, I'm forgetting his name right now. Did, oh, not Osiris. Who is the god of light? Oh, Jeffrey Rush. Did he get slimed? Like, cause like, like when Gerard Butler is like shooting at him, it's like he's being covered in like, blah! Oh, it's like lava. It's the sun. Okay. It's like I think that that spear shoots the sun. Okay, so he's just getting covered in sunlight.

And why couldn't they bring back the king to life? They brought everyone else back. They cut him into 14 pieces. Oh, I missed that. Yeah, they cut him. That's what... Also, you can kill a god with a knife? That seemed lame too. Or you can at least, like, like, Jeffrey Rush would be floating there forever? Yeah. Yeah. Why do they bleed gold? Yeah, not just gold, gold paint. Yeah. Why do they bleed gold? Yeah. Yeah. Not just gold, gold paint. Yeah. They like Benjamin Moore 402 is what they is like. I did kind of think Panto 19. It is just crafters. Gold paint. Because in the field, because it looks like it has like a

liquidy base to it. Like it's when Gerard Butler is bleeding out at the end. It looks terrible. It's so weird. Yeah, it's. But was it, do you feel like it was done in, I mean, I'm gonna say this, in post? Or was it like? Welcome to Hollywood Corner. Because it did seem real, like real.

Post means when you're done with the movie, they do extra things to make sure. No one gets it, but that's what it's about. Yeah, thank you for explaining. I think that was, just because it looked just like paint spilling out. It's not even an important question. No, I think they're covered in paint.

I think they were like, and you got gold for veins. This will be the practical effect that's going to sell the rest of the world. Do you know that I read that 200 of the crew members died. Mass suicide. Right in front of me. No, 200 of the crew members worked on Mad Max Fury Road. Can you imagine how disappointed they must have been? Oh wow.

Is there so much of that was done practically? Yeah. And this was none of it? Maybe it was, maybe the, oh I guess this came out after Mad Max. I was gonna say maybe like, they were like so psyched to do practical stuff. They're like, we've worked on this fucking thing. No, but I bet you they had Mad Max. This is a say maybe like they were like so psyched to do practical stuff. They're like we've worked on this

fucking thing. No, but I bet you they have Mad Max. This is a money job for those. Yeah It's all they're all just standing on the side of the set going fuck man. I could have done this We'd get a big rig in here. That's true. Maybe they were relieved By the crafty table just eating like a little mini carrots like a man on Mad Max We'll be all this all this being said being said I would like to be in this movie What? Really? If they were like hey you want to come and like run around and throw a sword around and like whatever I would be

This is by the way a new question we should ask at the end of everyone's Would you like to be in this movie? Yes I would have done it for sure I would love to be in a movie like this because I know I will never have the opportunity. That's kind of what I'm thinking. There's also like so few stakes because if you even listen to the dialogue,

it's literally like, Brian, you say something and then Paul, you say something, but what you say doesn't respond to what Brian said. And then I can come in with something totally opposite. So there's no- You can just be shot separately. They did a great job acting, but you could literally take any,

have any intention, take or whatever. You have, don't have to worry about your backstory. You don't have to worry about where you're going. You can just be bananas clown style. Well, it's almost like they made this movie in an effort to be like, oh, and also feel free to remix it. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, here are the pieces, build your own movie. I will say, I was in a movie, year one, not to brag, but year one, where are you? Welcome to Hollywood, how did this get made? Here's the deal, inside scoop. Paul Shears, Hollywood. And one of the-

So you've been to a meeting and you've been in a movie. I don't wanna talk about it too much, but yes. We are doing, aren't we doing a crossover with You Must Remember This, where we're just doing the Hollywood stories of Paul Scheer's life. Meetings, jokes I told in meetings. I can't wait to hear the town at that episode.

It's just all over the place. But it was so much fun, it was a biblical movie, and it was so much fun to be on those sets and be in a toga. It was actually really cool. It's like make believe 1950s Hollywood. Yeah, like there's like the chariots and flower petals coming down.

You know, it was just very, it is, I think, and I think that's the reason why you get these good performances because it's like a Western too. Like they'll always be making these, you know, big like epics and then Westerns because I think at the end of the day, actors are like, I'd like'll always be making these big, like, epics. And then Westerns, because I think at the end of the day, actors are like, I'd like to put a gun on him. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, but take all that away, and all you're really doing is standing on a green stage with a lot of armor on. I know. That's the problem. We think it would be fun, because there'd be all these things, but none of it's there. But in this instance, it would not be. You would be in a hangar-sized studio in a full green screen.

With dots all over your Yeah, and you and what you're saying I think the reason a lot of times it doesn't seem like people are affecting each other in scenes is because they cannot Due to the discrepancy and how big or small they're supposed to be. Yeah, they can't be in scenes. No, they're not actually You're not in a in a two-shot you're not actually getting baby John Bon Jovi and Jamie Lannister in the shot because the forced perspective would be wrong. You know, like you have to shoot it in a way that Jamie is gigantic and huge and little guy is little guy. And you can never even make eye contact.

No. Well, clearly we had an opinion about this movie. There are other people out there that had a differing opinion. It is now time for second opinions. Maybe that art is subjective. I need a second opinion. All right, these are five star reviews, cold from Amazon, and they are great. I wish you could see Brian's face. I can't believe.

I can't wait. This is great. So exciting. So this is from Joseph L. Punisayan, and this is written March 21, 2016. So he just saw the movie in the theater, came home, and wrote this. I've studied Egyptology and I have to commend the scriptwriters for presenting the Egyptian pantheon very close to the mark. The human world was topographically

not identical to Egypt and the crown of the king was not the historic pharaonic crown, but the pantheon of Egypt wasn't even real anyway. I'm so tired of remakes and reboots and it was great to see an original film that stands on its own merits. Toth, the God of Wisdom, was a real hoot. And the character development in Horus is what this film is all about. The CGI supported the plot instead of the other way around. Proyas has put JJ Abrams to shame. Not one planet got blown up JJA.

It's a possible to make a film without detonating your franchise. Take that. This guy was just burned by the force awakens somehow. Oh, I, I, yeah. Or Star Trek and is taking it all out on this. Um, and this next one, that guy was, I liked that he was a, I, yeah. Or Star Trek. Or Star Trek. And is taking it all out on this. And this next one, that guy was, I liked that he was a, First and last name.

Oh yeah, and he studied Egyptology, and he's like, I'm on board. Like he's on board. But then he says the two things that got wrong. He immediately says the two things that got wrong, and then calls characters who have no charm or funny thing about that. Real hoots.

I will say that one of the things he says I do agree with, who have no charm or funny thing about that. Real hoots. Real hoots. I will say that one of the things he says I do agree with, and even though this is not entirely a successful version of it, I also like that this is not a remake of some nonsense or a thing, this is some effort to be like, we always say that. Let's take something and make it original

and find a way to execute it, and it just doesn't. Just like the Mila Kunis movie. Jupiter. Jupiter ascending. Oh. Jupiter ascending. Oh, Jupiter ascending. One of my favorite Eddie Redimane movies. Oh my gosh.

Oh, boy. I mean, he's crazy and nice. He's good to try. I agree. Chewing up that scene. Oh, I love it. Whisper, whisper, scream. Making a meal out of that movie.

And by the way, he does that in every movie. He just somehow didn't get away with it there. I do think that people on these movies feel like they're not reined in because the director's like, we're going to do this. And he's like, and I'm going to do this. And they're like, yeah, let away with it. I do think that people like on these movies feel like they're not reined in because the director's like, we're going to do this. And he's like, I'm going to do this. And I'm like, yeah, let's do it. And also I think that in movies like this, without any understanding of where you are

or what you're doing, when it's a lot of just stuff that's going to be filled in later, you're not really, you're just making a choice and kind of just going with it. But can I say something about this? How I didn't even think this movie failed on an aesthetic level. I just was confused the whole time. And that's the script. Well, I kept on stopping it, I rewound it.

I was like, it was hard for me to keep track of when they were in, like you said, where they were, what they were doing. And it should be essentially a simple movie to a certain thing. Like he's bribing him to get his girlfriend back. And also maybe this is a simple minded thing to say, but when you have that many accents working together, there is something that's like,

what did they just say? What did they just, yeah, it sounds crazy. I felt like, like I feel like sometimes when I see Shakespeare, I see Shakespeare. Oh, you brag so much. You know, I saw some Hollywood, I saw- No longer. I saw amazing actors doing Shakespeare. Oh. You brag so much. This is no longer for me. I saw amazing actors doing Shakespeare.

Both the girls from Two Broke Girls did Shakespeare, and I saw it and loved it. Oh, man. I'm not mistaken. That's how they were built. The two girls were both. I was trying to just find them weird. They're both fantastic. Yes.

But here's what I was going to say. The idea, I always feel like when I watched Shakespeare for the first time, the first five minutes, I'm like, what am I getting? And then it gets in. But this movie never did that click in. I was like, what? What?

What? And I just never really ever found my footing after that. Because they make it again. And I know we are. But immediately, it's so difficult because you're like, you can't even grasp the concept that they're not brothers that their uncle and nephew Yes, so hard to grasp they don't make it easy Well, here's another review here this one I liked because it real and by the way all these reviews are like five paragraphs

Which is a rare thing here and this one I like because he keeps on telling you what type of movie it is And this one I like because he keeps on telling you what type of movie it is. Awesome. From J. Benison. And he wrote, Gods of Egypt is a fast-moving, beautiful, fun fantasy adventure set in a mythical place full of mythical gods and mortals. And if that's your cup of tea, you'll enjoy it. He then goes on to say,

This movie will either amuse or annoy you, depending on your tastes and how pedantically serious you take your fantasies. And at the very end, he continues by going, the dialogue is peppered with sardonic lines, ironic lines, and just plain funny one-liners. And if old style adventure flicks are your guilty pleasure, then you won't be disappointed. So yeah, well,

any option, anything you want to feel about this movie is valid according to Jay. These are very earnest reviews and it's been very, like these are interesting to go through. And not stupid really, it's not like, I liked it, you know? It was their saying. They're thoughtful.

These are, these next two are my favorites. Here we go. This is from Nostrom. He goes like this. Truly one of the most creative interpretations of Egyptian mythology ever filmed, starting with Gerard Butler as King Leonidas of Sparta rushed in to play a bearded set, the clever use of the talented actor playing Odin playing Horus, the lack of anyone looking remotely Egyptian.

But then what do we know? Egyptian was a thousand years ago. Sadly, one of my favorite actors was stuck playing Ursa. I weighed him, I measured him, and I found him wanting. I like Beck from his looks and style. He would have been an excellent Anglo-Saxon peasant. Maybe he thought he was playing one. Great special effects.

Great special effects. Yes, I say that. Used to enhance the story rather than for their own sake. And last, attractive women. Five stars. I wanna fuck that guy. Five stars. He want to fuck that guy. Five stars. He hit all the buttons.

I have a theory. Swedish guy typed it all out, put it in free translator. Yeah, maybe. Then posted that. Well, I also think you're right. He got something totally wrong here, which is also, well, first of all, he said that, like, that Gerard Butler was rushed from the set of 300, which was many years ago.

So it was a slower rush. And then also that the Swedish actor playing Odin playing Horace. Maybe Nikolaj Kostorwaldo played Odin in something else. Yeah, something Swedish. Yeah. Oh no. And finally we end on this. I hope it's a detective show like Law and Order. I bet it is.

This is uh... Odin's beat. This is, um, this is from Donny Stevenson and he challenges you to look it up because he goes, I'm a combat veteran and former special forces soldier. So it's just not toothless morons that seek entertainment like this. Shove your citizen cane shit. Cause that's boring. I had a great time watching Gods of Egypt. Sure,

it's English white guys. Sure, it's got absolutely no basis in reality or even mythology, but it's fun. Imaginative images, monsters, magic, sights, fights, and thrills. Plus, they sold it. The actors did not break the immersion, and that's good enough for me. The actors did not break the immersion, and that's good enough for me. The actors did not? Five stars. Break the immersion? I get a hundred dollars that guy was asleep after the first hour. But also, break the immersion. What movie have you ever watched where it's like,

I don't know. Where they look at the camera? I see you there, combat veteran. Look down the barrel, I don't know. Also, don't bring up your military history as a reason for us to be on your side for everything you're about to say. Yeah, like I get it.

Thank you for your service. But like also thank you for your service. My dad's a Vietnam vet. He doesn't start out every sentence with that. Well, by the way, being a Vietnam vet, but by the way, that

would be like if he reviewed a film maybe about war. He's like, hey, look, I saw this and, you know, I see what they're doing. This is like the you could be anyone. You could be a child. Yeah, it's like not like yeah, it's like like not like I was robbed at gunpoint and I like this movie So that's what they had to say

Well, I guess we'll just go around real quick and say do would you recommend this movie? I don't you know I Know you're seeming they're struggling here. I thought you would easily say no. Yeah, this is a pretty big no for me. I would maybe watch 20 minutes of it just to see what we're talking about. You know, just to get a lay of the land. And actually on YouTube you can watch a lot of the clips of the film. Kind of the best part.

I would do that. I would not watch, because it is just unfathomably long. I remember being like, oh, I must, this literally happened. I was watching and I was like, okay, I must be at least near the end. I looked, I was 40 minutes in. I paused it so many times. At 40 minutes. At a certain part, they literally,

like the end of the movie happens, like they defeat Gerard Butler and I'm like, 20 more minutes? Yeah. And then, and the last shot is three minutes of him flying like whoosh and water gets on the camera. Yes.

He flies around like his metal bird character, Jamie Lannister does, and like we're all like going to be rapt to watch him fly around. That extra three minutes was like probably cost like 50 or $75,000. At least. And unnecessary. I would recommend this for clips.

And if you're, I think it's a good Sunday hangover kind of. I like that. Yeah, I feel like it's like, if you, if like Jason mistakenly did, if you catch it on HBO, stay around for like 15, 20 minutes. And you watch the handful of it, I think you'd be like, oh, I get what this is. I actually think the first 15 minutes is worth seeing. agree I think yeah cuz I like that was where it was

the most I at least understood what was going on and then after that cuz if you tune in you may be like well I don't know what's happening just rest assured no I don't think anyone really does oh yeah yeah so that was you know it's no audience guys I'm gonna say no on this one either but he's so yeah I have a very specific situation in which you should watch this on the airplane. You've seen every other movie That's on demand and you have work to do. Yeah. Oh, it's a background movie I think it's a back by the way. I think otherwise I even Giving it full attention. I didn't know what the fuck was going

No I was watching it with Wikipedia at certain points because I was like I just want to make sure that I'm understanding What's happening because I couldn't tell if I was overtired and I was like am I not watching it with Wikipedia at certain points because I was like, I just want to make sure that I'm understanding what's happening because I couldn't tell if I was overtired and I was like, am I not getting it? So Wikipedia was like, sometimes I watch Game of Thrones like that too. Just kind of reading along to kind of see where I was at. Totally. Oh yeah, I'll do that.

Thank you guys so much for listening and a big thanks to everyone who makes this show possible. I'm talking about Avril Halle, who pulls all these amazing clips. Nate Kiley does all of our research. Marissa Zeitz who kind of produces this whole thing behind the scenes. Our engineer Sam. Everybody at Earwulf July and you. Bye-bye. This has been an Earwulf production executive produced by Scott Ackerman, Adam Sacks, and Chris Bannon. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com.