How Did This Get Made? - Madame Web LIVE!

Episode Date: May 31, 2024

Bonjour! Join Paul, Jason, and June as they grab a Pepsi and swing into 2024's Madame Web starring Dakota Johnson and Sydney Sweeney. LIVE from Largo in LA, they break down the baby shower scene, the looney tunes fireworks factory climax, the magic healing powers of chest compressions, and how the movie ruined an iconic Spider-Man line. Plus, they ask "How did a baby in an Amazon spider cave end up in the NYC foster system?" and "Does Adam Scott's young Ben Parker end up falling in love with Marisa Tomei's Aunt May?" HDTGM will be in Boston on June 16th & Nantucket on June 20th! Go to hdtgm.com for ticket info, merch, and more.Order Paul’s book about his childhood, Joyful Recollections of Trauma, wherever books are soldFor extra Matinee Monday content, visit Paul's YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheerHDTGM Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheerFollow Paul on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer/Check out Paul and Rob Huebel live on Twitch (www.twitch.tv/friendzone) every Thursday 8-10pm ESTSubscribe to Unspooled with Paul and Amy Nicholson here: listen.earwolf.com/unspooledSubscribe to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael here: www.thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcastCheck out The Jane Club over at www.janeclub.comCheck out new HDTGM merch over at https://www.teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmWhere to find Jason, June & Paul:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on Twitter

Hello, people of Earth. Before we start today's show, some big announcements. First of all, how did this get made is coming to Boston on Sunday, June 16th. That's right. On Father's Day, we will be at the Wilbur Theater. Tickets go on sale Friday, May 31st at 10 a.m. But if you're listening to this before then, you can access a special fan presale using the code bonkers.

That's right. Use that code. Go to HDTGM.com for all the ticket info. And secondly, I want to thank you all for purchasing my book, Joyful Recollections of Trauma. I've been completely blown away by all the support. We had a completely sold out book tour and your response to the book has really meant the world to me. If you've not gotten the book, go get the book. You can get it wherever books are sold, ebooks are sold, or even audiobooks. And yes, I recorded the audiobook. And yes, the audiobook is full of amazing goodies from How Did This Get Made and even my own home videos.

But I just wanted to say thank you all for supporting me. It means the world to me. And I have one more small favorite ask. If you're enjoying the book, if you want to just send some more goodwill, write a review on Amazon or on Goodreads. It really does help and it will be like your own second opinion. All right. That's all I got. Enjoy your episode on Madam Web. We were in the Amazon with her mom because she was researching spiders right before she died. We saw Madame Webb, so a wild stove that's wild rippin' Justin De Kelly A minute, see a bird last show with his crow

And take a photo, speed to hit the crew's control J.M.I.N., Big Paul and the Boots of June Gonna take you from the pool while the wave is rolling Rainin' games, a street fighter hope to blow off steam Just a sucker punch the iron life for Timothy Gray Shot me in the birdemic, how you stayin' alive? They call me when they're badass and he's on the line Crankin' they state limits cause they cool as ice Hello, people of Earth! Hello, people of the Amazon! And hello, people of Largo! Hello, people of the Amazon!

And hello, people of the Amazon! And hello, people of the Amazon! And hello, people of the Amazon! And hello, people of the Amazon! And hello, people of the Amazon! And hello, people of the Amazon! And hello, people of the Amazon! And hello, people of the Amazon!

And hello, people of the Amazon!! Hello, people of the Amazon! And hello, people of Largo! We are live in Los Angeles for the movie event of the century. I am talking about the 2024 film, Madame Web. film, Madame Webb. Her web connects them all. By them all, three other people. All right, so what do you need to know about this movie? Well, it's about a Queen's paramedic played by... Just the idea that she's a Queen's paramedic. Dakota Johnson plays a Queen's paramedic who begins to demonstrate signs of clairvoyance and forced to challenge revelations about her past.

She needs to safeguard three young women from a deadly adversary who is completely ADR'd and wants them destroyed. Why? Not really clear. There are so many things, but that is the quickest way I can at least explain the basis of this plot. Have you... Do you need to see a Spider-Man movie to understand it?

Absolutely not. Do you need to know anything about Marvel movies to understand it? No. Do you need to know anything about spiders? I understand it? No. Do you need to know anything about spiders? I'm going to say that can also go out the window. Really, the only thing you need to know is Queen's geography? Because someone's going to have to tell me where the fuck that forest was. I don't know how they got there.

My dad lived in Queens. I lived on Long Island. You're not getting to a forest that dense that quickly. No way. All right, well, we will figure that out and more, but first, please let me welcome my co-host. Please welcome Mr. Jason Manzoukas. What's up jerks! Yes!

Happy Web Day! It's happening! We're doing Madame Web! Bonjour! Oh shit, this is real! Wow, wow, wow, I just finished the movie backstage and guys, I'm going to be the host of the Web Day. I'm going to be the host of the Web Day.

I'm going to be the host of the Web Day. I'm going to be the host of the Web Day. I'm going to be the host of the Web Day. I'm going to be the host of the Web Day. I'm going to be the host of the Web Day. I'm going to be the host of the Web Day. I'm going to be the host of the Web Day. I'm going to be the host of the Web Day. I'm going to be the host of the Web Day. I'm going to be the host of the Web Day. I'm going to be the host of the Web Day. Oh, shit! This is real! Wow, wow, wow, I just finished the movie backstage, and guys...

I just found out we can stay here. Great news, we can stay here until 3 a.m. That's how much I need to talk to you about Madame Webb. But you know what? Before we get too much into Madame Webb, we must bring out... -♪ Bonjour, Madame. -...our resident Marvel expert...

a lover of the graphic novel. Please welcome Miss June Diane Raphael! -♪ Whoo! Hello, June, how are you? I'm well, Paul. How are you? I'm okay. Thank you for asking. Well, Madame Webb.

Madame Webb. Ugh. I have... What a rich text. I want to get something out of the way real quick. And everybody take a breath and don't judge. Oh, I did enjoy this movie. Okay, so yes, that's not what I was going to say. I really liked it.

To be clear, I'll jump to the end. I do recommend this movie. Yeah, this is great. I have to be honest, so do I. I went down a way smoother than I ever expected it to go down. I mean, Paul, I cried two times. I cried once. I did.

I loved it. I mean, like, I mean, yoy, yoy. Well, let's just talk, yoy, yoy. Every, every, every. Well, let's just talk, let's just talk about what happened to the baby. Okay. I have a lot of questions about how that baby, delivered by spider people in the water cave. Enter the foster system? Yeah, me too.

Let's be clear. In Queens. In Queens. I got a few questions. Keep her in the jungle. What are we doing? Let them raise her. In Queens! In Queens! Keep her in the jungle! What are we doing? Let them raise her!

Tarzan, right? There's no reason why that baby needs to be shipped back. A motherless baby needs to be shipped back! Okay, so the baby survives. The baby survives, and then I guess... The baby has gotten some of the spider venom.

That's special juice. Special juice. Because the mother gets stung while she's...the baby is still inside. No, not stung. The mother gets shot. No, no. The mother...oh yeah, but then the spider gives her the oomphothermine. Oh, right.

When she's in the hot milk bath. I wasn't expecting that quickly to be that turned on. I also, the amount of water and spiders that were put together, I was like, huh, interesting combo. Spiders are into water? It doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem like it's their place. It seems like water is actually detrimental to spiders and webs. You're going to tell me, you're going to establish a culture of spider people

that live in the Amazon in the first 10 minutes of the movie, and we then are like, the rest of the movie takes place in New York City. This is the most interesting thing in the movie, unquestionably. In the most interesting period, 2003. Oh. Two years after 9-11. 2003. She's an ambulance driver two years after 9-11.

I'm going to sing some shit. We're going to talk about her work as an ambulance driver. Oh, but boy. Could we just talk about Peru for a second more? Yeah, well, what I'm obsessed with is honestly what we didn't see, which is that transition into foster care. Now, later on, she will say, she will... This movie is kind of propaganda for foster care because she will say that somehow she

had a great experience. She's very positive when she is given the responsibility to take care of three orphans. No, but can you imagine though, a newborn, but a newborn baby entering foster care, those babies are scooped up pretty quickly. Okay. So there, and I, this is something that's very troubling, but the babies get scooped up right away. The kids who enter foster care later age, they stay in foster care. So the idea of her as a newborn baby, just continuing to move around foster care and

then not having ever gotten adopted, there's a lot of questions. There's a lot of questions. And I started to think, like, did you burn a house down as a seven-year-old? Like, why were you not placed in a permanent home? I would believe if late in the movie there was a reveal that she was a serial killer. It just doesn't make sense.

I was like, is she... I'm sorry, I'm gonna see something up there. Is she a villain? Oh, I'm so sorry. I just... Oh, God. I'm so sorry. I just, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt you guys. I just was getting some Pepsi. Listen, okay, here's a question.

What, what is the inciting incident in this movie? Well, her falling in the water. Why? It seems to awaken the web vision, web world. This is the worst superpower you could possibly have. She has no strength. She can just see a couple seconds into the future. But then at the end of the movie,

she doesn't see that her reaction actually fucks up something even. She kills those people in the helicopter. Oh, yeah. She gets those people. She kills those people in the helicopter. Oh yeah, she gets those people. She gets those people. Those people are dead. I guess it only gives you like a choose your own adventure. It's like those people die,

her friend who's the ambulance driver dies, who she works with, but she saves that pigeon. Oh, thank God. Thank God she saved the pigeon and not any of those people. We don't need first responders. We need pigeons. I still am, oh boy, oh boy. But you're right, what is the inciting incident?

Who knows, because the inciting incident, I believe, is the spider bite that infects her in the womb, because that is what connects her I believe is the spider bite that infects her in the womb. Yes. Because that is what connects her to her entire spider heritage and allows her to do a, it allows her to both be present in her mother's past in a vision and then physically be there

in order to be able to hug her mother. Well, I cried. Oh yeah, absolutely. I cried, I thought it was beautiful. I mean, you know. Our son, our seven year old did turn to me when he was watching that. He was like, why are you crying? I'm still stuck at this one moment in the movie where Madame Webb meets with the three

other orphans in the woods outside of Queens. Oh my God. Astoria? Flushing, you know, the big, that big farm. Kew Gardens? So they're in that wooded area, and she's like, I know you, you live in my building. Okay, interesting.

You know, I know you. Sidney Sweeney says, you're the paramedic who rescued my stepmom. Right, right. She's like, you rescued my stepmother. The other one's like, you live in my building and you leave junk mail and we have to throw it away. And then she's like, I don't know how I know you.

And then madam says, you flipped me off. And you're like, oh, cool. But there's no, okay, it just seems coincidental. Like it doesn't seem like- Agreed! I was like, oh, but there's no larger- Why are they connected in the web? I mean, there's-

Well, I guess that was my question I thought you two would be able to answer. Like in the world of Marvel, what are, what? Cause I kept on saying to our seven year old, he was like, well, when do they get their powers? I was like, soon, soon. Nope. We're going to see them.

Just wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I did think, especially, especially because they give us the scenes in, is it Ezekiel? Is that it? Is it? Ezekiel Sims? Yes. In Ezekiel's vision.

My voice will be like this. Sometimes I don't even need to move my mouth for me to tell. He does it in all ADR. His entire performance, I would believe you if you told me a different actor did it, because it's so heavily ADR. I have gotten confirmation it's definitely him, but I think that the reasoning underneath why his voice sounds like this is because he's saying, fuck you for making me rerecord all my die Wow Incredible, but so in his vision he has spider vision or whatever It's called and I'm sure we can find a Morgan out here

We call it a Morgan now where we can we can probably find a Morgan who knows exactly about Madame Webb and her connection She is I have it. Yeah, I have all the connections. Okay about Madame Webb and her connection. She is a- I have it. I have all the connections, okay? And well, in the comics, Madame Webb is an elderly woman. Yes, I do know that.

We know that. And the reason why she is called Madame Webb is because she's hooked up to a life support system that looks like a big spider web. And yeah, that's a big difference. And she is, I do know she is. So this is her origin story. And this is her power.

Her power set is the ability to see the potential futures that could happen. Right, very much like a Dr. Strange kind of a thing. And then Ezekiel Simms is just a rich businessman who gained some powers through a ritual, but he doesn't have the same powers as Madame Webb, which he does seem to have. He seems to have Spider-Man's powers. But they also say, like, he was cursed. I'm like, pretty cool curse.

When? Like, when did he? I wanna understand his curse, and is he trying, he doesn't even, here's the thing, he's so obsessed with these three girls and them killing him, he doesn't even, here's the thing, he's so obsessed with these three girls and them killing him, he doesn't even care that he's cursed? He doesn't seem to understand, I would think that would be priority number one.

Wait, I'm cursed? And also I think it's tough, and again I really like this movie, so take this for, you know, this is my, I guess only criticism, but it's tough when our villain doesn't have a bigger goal. Like he's not trying to take over the city. He's not trying to unleash some sort of toxin.

He's just trying to stop these three specific girls who to us are adorable. From killing him at some point in the future. Not only that, absolutely true. And they will get much older. Yes. They're going to get much older. So he does have time. It's not like some point in the future. Not only that. And they will get much older. Yes. They're gonna get much older. So he does have time. It's not like time is of the essence.

Well he's a gray haired man in his vision. When he's gray haired, that's when. But the other thing is, in these movies, usually the villain's plan is unfolds in stages and each one seems to ratchet up the stakes. Right. You know, heightening, heightening. So by the time we get to act three, stages and each one seems to ratchet up the stakes. You know, heightening, heightening. So by the time we get to act three,

it's the Joker has put a bomb on a fairy and ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, right? But in this movie, he's just like, I gotta kill these fucking teenagers. This is getting embarrassing. And he's like, you might be Constance's daughter, but nonetheless, I got to kill these teenagers Those mamet should be dead 45 minutes in she has failed him

He needs to get this shit done. He's a benevolent businessman, which we never understand What is this he's acting but my favorite part and I guess this movie is trying very hard to Like like do like narration that you might read in a book and they're trying to figure out, huh, how can we do it? It's almost like video game narration. It's like, huh, a note. What does that say? And he sits down next to that woman that he has sex with and he's like, so, let me tell

you. I do have these visions every night. I'm an older man. These three women come in and they kill me. I have it all the time. You don't know how scary it is. Like, he monologues at her and I'm like, this woman is gonna grab from Mace.

She's like, I slept with an insane person. I had to get the fuck out of here. He knows she's about to die. He knows she's about to die because he's infected her with his toxin. Yes. You know, so that he can get her information. He can say whatever he wants at that point.

But I'm just still saying- His entire plan is steal facial recognition software from the NSA in order to find out the identities of the three masked heroes who are teenagers now who are going to kill him in the future. But- And we loved it. And the only images he has of them. Are self-generated?

The only images that he has of these three people are through a mask that he would have to describe to Mammot. Like he'd have to say, okay, I... Yes, like he's working with a sketch artist in a police station. Like imagine what the skin that he has to use is so minimal. It's really just I and a little lip.

I wish we had seen that scene of him working with a sketch artist. And it's like a spider on the front of... Yeah. She's wearing something with a spider on it? Yes. And then she's like, this seems like a comic book. I love it if she was like, these seem like heroes.

Are you a villain? Also, why the fuck does this guy have a costume? Yeah. Why does he doesn't need a costume? He doesn't do anything except kill kids and not even kill kids. Three. I don't understand. And he doesn't even do that really?

We have no frame of reference for the, he says, he keeps saying, they're going to take everything I've built away from me. But we never find out what that is. What did he build? Who is he? Why do we care? And also, again, he seems to have more powers than anyone and no side effects. Morbius, you know, in a wheelchair, then he has this, you know, Morbius power.

It's morbid time. He gets to go up there and do his thing. Venom, I get Venom, Venom's a symbiote from outer space. He gets to be like a Dr. Jekyll Mastride. This guy seems to be Spider-Man. And bad Spider-Man, he seems to be Spider-Man as a villain, but he doesn't seem to be doing anything as Spider-Man, except he's not using his powers,

he's not out at night stealing, robbing, doing anything. He's just trying to murder the girls. He seems like whatever money he's raising is to buy the most advanced technology for 2003 to do facial recognition technology. Now I'll say this as well. What bums me out really about this is this is not even really Spider-Man,

this is not even in the-Man, it's not even in the Spider-Man universe. This is like deeper tier. This is like three tiers removed from Spider-Man. Because at least Venom is in, technically Venom exists in the Peter Parker world. Like I did say to you Paul, no because I said to Paul while we were watching, I said is Spider-Man like a part of this? He goes, no.

Oh, not this movie. No, no. Not this movie. No, I know, but like a part of the... Well, I mean, we see his birth. Peter Parker is born in this movie. Yes. So Peter Parker, that baby that's born.

Picked a pack of pickled peppers. Adam Scott's name is Ben Parker. Yeah. And so Emma Roberts is his sister who now I guess we didn't meet Richard. Shouldn't there be an Aunt May? Well, I think that Ben marries May, but something awful has happened. He's Uncle Ben. Sorry. So something terrible has happened to Emma Roberts's Uncle Ben. Sorry. Right. So something terrible has happened to Emma Roberts' character. I thought she was going to die in childbirth. Now, I'll tell you this much.

This movie does two things that make me angry. One, Adam Scott, great. Like I watch Adam... Oh, one of the best. Always... Lifting up the movie. Like literally... Lifting up every scene.

I'll say it. I didn't care for him. I didn't care for him I didn't I didn't care for him but they go they go so far out of their way to do this scene over Chinese food where Adam says I met this girl pretty serious right and you're like oh so now I feel like okay what and I'm like oh we're gonna see that maybe it's a mammoth, right? And, oh, he's like connected to the bad guy or some version of... It would make a reveal, a reveal of anything I'll take at this point.

But no, it's just he's dating. Yeah. Well, I do think that is Aunt May. I think we are meant to believe... No, that's his sister. No, no, no, no, no. He is dating someone who's out of town. He later says his girlfriend's going to be out of town.

But yes. But to Paul's point, there's zero complications in this movie. It's the craziest thing. And again, we never find out who do those girls become? Who are they in this universe? Can I say one more thing about this dating relationship thing? I think that might've been a studio note to be like,

oh, well, you guys should have some chemistry together and you guys should get together. Well, they were fucking. They were, they intimate, they intimate that they were fucking. Okay. That's why I'm saying, hey, just so you know, I'm seeing someone now, so.

I didn't pick up on that. So I can't be that UUP text anymore. Oh okay am I wrong hard wait a minute am I right am I wrong okay I didn't get that sexual test so I didn't read that. Did you? I mean, did you read it when she said, hope the spiders were worth it, mom? It's crazy how much exposition she does while talking to herself. I talk to myself constantly, but what I'm not doing is exposition, because guess what I know? What's going on? Now I will give her though, she has an incredible comedic scene

where she tries to crawl up that wall and I laughed hysterically. So funny, so so funny, agreed fully. It was quite good. Loved it, I would have loved 1200 more of those. Now I don't, but I- That's the tone the movie should have had. And I'm trying to remember why she thought

she was a spider. Because she reads her mother's journal for the first time and finds out all the specifics about the spider people, including that they can climb up, that they can climb stuff, as she has seen with Ezekiel. So she's like, maybe I can do that. And so she tries. Yeah, so she thought that she was a spider.

How would I know, she says. How would somebody, how would you know if you could climb the wall? Now... It was funny. Wild stuff. LOL. Honestly, like... LOL.

Honestly, like in an acting class next level, just go to the wall and see if you can climb it. She did. Nothing has given her any of that feeling. Also... So feeling. Also... So good. Also, it's not clear that she has any powers. And so when she is, like, grabbing pieces of equipment

and using it as a shield, I'm like, is that just Dakota Johnson's strength, or is that, like... I think it's just Dakota Johnson, but I want to... I have two answers for you, but one is this. I think the director at one point said, just for fun, do it at a 10. And I feel like this is the scene where she really acts.

Your test results came back. I'm sorry to tell you that your baby has myasthenia. Camera works. It's a genetic neuromuscular disorder. But I don't have a neuromuscular disorder. Life expectancy varies. Do you need a tissue? No, no, I need a cure.

I'm afraid there is no cure. Single target nucleotide intervention. It's experimental, but there are some promising leads in the Amazon. That's why you went there? Jesus Christ! I have to advise you against traveling in her condition. I'm sorry, but what are you offering besides tissues?

I know this is hard to accept. No, no, I am unwilling to accept a diagnosis of helplessness. And I'm not going to teach my daughter to either. You did it. You did it. Now what? Now I will tell you this much. That's June, are you okay? I will tell you this much.

In watching the movie, that felt like a shockwave to me. I was like, wow, she really brought it. And then watching it isolate, I'm like, oh, I guess she was still low energy. So in the movie. No, it's crazy. It's absolute insanity that this is what's happening in the movie.

By the way, you could never diagnose that condition in the womb. By the way, you could never diagnose that condition in the womb. Um, and, uh, and I will tell you this, June, just so you know, I didn't want to answer your question. So, uh, Sydney Sweeney is Spider Woman. She becomes Spider Woman. OK, and- Not Jessica Drew.

Jessica Drew? Well, that is, uh- Is she Jessica Drew? Julia Cornwall, which is Sydney Sweeney, becomes Spider Woman. And then, um, Julia Cornwall, which is Sydney Sweeney, becomes Spider Woman. And then Julia Carpenter, oh, no, sorry, not Julia, sorry. Then Maddie Franklin, oh, I guess she's also Spider Woman? Yep, she is.

And then Anna Corazon is... I'm gonna have her to guess. Spider-woman? She is Aranya. Which I think is just Spider-woman in Spanish. Aranya. When Ezekiel has his... Yeah, instead of adopting Spider-woman, she took Aranya.

In Ezekiel's vision, we see the three who we meet as the teenagers in, I guess, later in adulthood, in their outfits, with their powers fighting and killing him. What a fuck you this movie gives us. And boy, did I think we would catch up to that scene, or that they would get their powers or those outfits or any of it and none of it happened. We just give Dakota Johnson some cataract glasses, put her in Professor Xavier's wheelchair and go, happy now assholes.

You know? We get... I could not believe it. It was a zero. When she came out... When she gets into like... I couldn't. When she gets into like, bless you so and so. Yeah.

That when she's just predicting things that are happening momentarily. That would be exhausting. When she said, I can see better than ever. I was like... And you guys are gonna... exhausting. When she said, I can see better than ever. Oh. I was like. And you guys are going to go home and watch Idol. And I thought that she meant. Is she a villain?

I thought that she meant Idol, that new show. The weekend show? Yeah, the weekend show. That would be incredible if they cut to her alone in her apartment feeding that cat monologuing exposition and in the background it's just the idol. But here's what I did here's what I I mean at one point I at one point while I was crying I did shout out the words it's so hard to be a teenage girl. You

did. I did I just shouted it out. Especially if you're 32. So hard to be a teenage girl. You did. And I did, I just shouted it out. Especially if you're 32. So hard to be a teenage girl. Now here's what worked for me, we're spending so much time on what didn't work, here's what worked for me. I really did, I found it very compelling, this story about, yes, a 30-something year old woman who has to take care of these kids and has no maternal instinct

and has no maternal instincts. How do we know she doesn't know how to deal with children though? The whole idea is that she is an EMT. It's almost like there was a scene in a hospital that explained that she can't deal with kids. But there was something about her intervening in their lives and them having their own trauma, all of them, and coming together and having four female leads where I was like, I'm sorry. I like this. I'm so sorry. I like what I'm seeing here. And I wish that it had held up or there was more to it, of course, but that piece, I was so, I thought, I really loved. I'm gonna give it a lot.

I wanted to watch the movie where they're a team. Where they're a team and they're doing their thing, you know, that's what I wanted to watch. That movie, and instead it was like, stay here, I'm going to Peru for a week to find the spider people in the jungle. Do you have the right stuff? I have a Jansport backpack that I'll wear

over one shoulder, a grunge flannel around my waist. Will I get a guide? Absolutely not. I'm just going to use my mom's old journals to walk into the Amazon and find the spider people. Oh, look, I did it. I'm back. Here's the thing. I know that we have our Marvel source material to deal with. Not that much. Not that much, okay. Because to me, a better movie would have been, not even if she doesn't have any maternal instincts,

but that she has this like arrested development where she's not an adult. And so she has to step in when all of these adults have failed these kids. Like that's an interesting movie to see her become an adult because she has to for them. But that's not what we saw. But she's so, she's so muted from T to B. I hate to break it to you Scrooge, but you can't change anything.

Okay. I need to talk about this. When she- Sorry, I wrote down a bunch of lines. When she is in the doctor's dealing with her clairvoyance, the doctor says, go watch some old movies. It's not Christmas time. Why? And she puts on The Christmas Carol, the old black and white one. When do you watch that? Oh, it's August, Christmas Carol.

And I think the only reason why she put on the Christmas Carol is because in the Christmas Carol, there are future visions. Yes, yes. That you can either opt. Jesus, that connection is like. That was a scratch. It's a template for her life story.

You can either change and evolve and grow out of this future or this is gonna be your future. And those are the paths in the web of connectivity. Oh, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. What? No! I just want to go home and watch Idol. Is she sassy? Because I feel like they write their character, like, as sassy.

They're like, brag much? And she's like, I was bragging then. She doesn't like anyone or anything. It's a tough character straight. She's a tough hang. When she's at Emma Roberts' bachelor, or no, baby shower, and she puts in a blank slip

for things that connect her to her mother who she never knew. And Emma Roberts is like, who's is this? And she's like, oh, that's mine. Oh, what's this about? You left a blank. She's like, oh, I didn't know my mother.

She died during childbirth. That was so funny. Oh, but I don't mean that that's gonna happen to you. Death in childbirth happens very rarely. She chose to be in the Amazon during... Should I be talking right now? I seem like someone who doesn't want to be the center of attention, but I can't stop being the center of attention. Okay, because think about it. I loved it! Five stars. I loved it too.

Just think about it, Jason. Like, she didn't... I'm thinking about it. Okay. She didn't have to put in anything. No. Like, she could have just sat out... She could have walked out and gone back to the barbecue with the guys and been like, what's up? Or she could have just let that game play out. But instead, she puts a blank paper down.

You know what? This needs to be about me. She knows it's going to get picked. Every one of those slips gets picked. It's so, I mean at least she had a Pepsi in her hand. She walks into that party, they force a Pepsi onto her. The fact that Pepsi plays such a large part. So Marvel and Coke, that's a thing. Marvel movies and Coke are tied together. So Sony goes, Pepsi. Sony's like, hold my Pepsi.

Yeah. And then I guess somewhere along the way, they go, wouldn't it be cool if a Pepsi sign kills the villain? Like what if Pepsi... What if Pepsi was so powerful? That it kills the... Pepsi is the hero of this movie Paul and it's not even like she shoots something or pushes something over that moves that giant Pepsi s It's like it does it of its own accord and she and her act of heroism is knowing it's going to fall

Yeah the future. Why does she, I mean, I know that. Do you think that alleviates her from the guilt of killing someone? That she didn't push him in front of it, she just lured him where she knew he would be killed. Well. Again, there were people in that helicopter, you guys, like, don't forget them.

Don't ever forget them. Not in June, not just people, EMTs. Because she does call, we have an emergency transport situation. Those poor people, they're like, we have nowhere to land. I don't know why you brought us here. Quick, head to the abandoned fireworks factory.

Okay, that was a- I mean, that's a fucking Warner Brothers cartoon. I mean, that is fucking Looney Tunes. So much of it wasn't even shown. It was just the audio of fireworks in the background. But those fireworks, what a crazy, like to me, I was like, oh, she fucked up. Like she fucked up.

She shouldn't have done that. Cause those fireworks end up almost killing her and the girl. Well, she's blinded by a firework. She is underwater. I didn't realize that. An underwater firework blinds her. That's how good they are.

But thank God, thank God. She has taught all three girls the only piece of health, the only piece of health, the only piece of life-saving, she's taught them all CPR. Chest compressions are good for everything. Every single call she goes on as a paramedic, chest compressions. You would think from this movie, because there's somebody, the EMT who gets injured in the ambulance, and he's covered in blood, He clearly has injuries, and she's just giving him chest. I believe he would have lived if she had treated...

If she'd treated his actual injuries. She pushed his heart out of his body. He had open wounds, and she just was like, chest compressions. By the way... The only thing I know. What if that's our shirt? Push here. Like, just hands.

Like... I will say this, and again, this movie, like, one of the cool things that they do in that sequence is how they have to work together to do a chest compression, because, you know, sometimes you get, like, tired, and you're like, somebody get in here. Finish my chest compression.

But it's after minutes. It's after minutes they switch after every after like five seconds yes but i was i was actually glad as somebody who's always up to date on our cpr i was glad thank you so much i was glad to see like yeah people do get tired if you're doing it correctly you do tire out pretty quickly and so it is important for other people to come in on the beat absolutely and by the way I agree with all this but it would also lead me to believe that at the end they would all take turns to revive only two yep only they do switch once why after like two pumps? After like two pumps. Uh, uh, your turn. Oh, you're calling them a two pump chump?

You're calling these teenage girls, Paul Scheer is calling these teenage girls two pump chumps? Wow! Blurb that on the book? The best part to me is like when they do explain stuff like she goes don't shake his hand for too long It has a powerful neurotoxin and then Sydney Sweeney goes then what happens? Yeah You're dead yeah, that's what happened. What do you think is gonna happen? That's the crazy Neurotoxin what what happens then then

you die and then what then you're given a choice heaven or hell or purgatory then what you pick purgatory then what this is an insane movie. Don't you think after she crashes a taxi cab, they steal a taxi cab, crashes it into the diner, right? She has been accused of abducting these three girls. They know who she is. All of this stuff is happening.

Wouldn't there be people who would be on the lookout for a yellow cab with four women in it? Like, and they are good, they're bopping all over town. Well, I mean, who was that road stop truck driver who's like, I'll see the girls. Yeah. And then he calls, not the cops. Oh no, he calls some sort of hotline that Zosia Mamet is able to hijack. Yes, you're right. You're right. But they seem like what you're right. Why? Like that's a scene in a movie where they would be like in the diner and on the TV. Their pictures would be playing on the news and they'd be like, Oh, we're in trouble. Busted. But instead, it's like a trucker

is like those are the girls. Yeah, like he had seen it earlier in the day at a photographic memory of these three girls. I think they were on his newspaper. But when they're dancing on a table, nobody is like, aren't those the girls? Aren't those those kidnapped girls that are being forced against their, like which way, like what movie,

like what do you want from me? I found it, I don't know if anyone else noticed this, but after the subway sequence, and I really liked that sequence, I really enjoyed it. After the subway sequence, when they are, well they should be running out of the subway, they, all four of them, walk like this out of the subway stairs.

They are just moseying, strolling, strolling away. the subway stairs. Right there. Moseying, strolling, strolling away. I'm like, and I think it's hard because if I'm those three other actresses, I see our lead number one on the call sheet walking like that. And I'm like, well, I'm not going to race past her. Like they all kind of adopted her energy at points. And it's like, this man just tried to kill all of you seconds ago. But everyone is walking at a leisurely amble.

I have a theory for the back half of the movie why she's low energy. Jet lag. From her trip to Peru and back? In a Cessna. She flies to Peru in a like a two-seater Cessna from New York City? By the way, I'm so sorry I don't think so. I'm not even gonna get into the fact that the photo that she's using for reference is 30 years old. I'll buy that. But how would you go, take me to this photo?

Like, to get to that jungle? Absolutely, absolutely. When Emma Roberts goes into labor, Adam Scott, who again, I didn't care for at all. Keep saying that. Is like, okay, I gotta take you to the hospital. Obviously, I'm watching these three orphans who a Spider-Man character is trying to murder. Instead of having them stay in the house,

you guys need to come with us. Come with us to the hospital where there will unquestionably be cameras in myriad ways. So every step of the way, everybody in the movie is a moron. Everybody when confronted with a choice makes the dumbest choice every time. Every time I feel like Dakota Johnson enters the web, the mind web, whatever that's called,

I feel like she's kind of like, what is this? No matter how many times it's shown to her, she's like, she comes, keeps coming out of it like, oh! Well, she comes out of it mad. Like, you just said that to me, you fucking jerk. Which, which the- It's now the fourth time. You're the pro, like, you-

The first two times, yes. But an hour and 35 minutes into the movie, she should be like, I know exactly what's happening. I can activate, don't worry. She's like, what the... Hey... I also found it troubling that the only way she uses that, like, the only way she tries to stop

what she sees in the future is with vehicles. Like there's no other way. The pigeon. The pigeon. I guess the pigeon. No, no, you're right though. But I was like, I can't believe she's back in a vehicle trying to. I mean, this might be the greatest stunt of all time.

Arguably it takes place on 42nd Street, right? This is the vehicle driving. This is where her, again, not her spider skills, her EMT driving skills. Not, yeah, driving skills are big. Here, here we go. You're right! She can't fight Ezekiel in any way, shape or form. Got to hit him with a car.

So she only hits him with increasingly larger vehicles. Yep. That's it. That's it. Her fists are cars. Well, you know what they say, until she takes on the responsibility, great power will come. Okay, so I want to talk about that because when she, is that what happens at the end in the Pepsi sequence where she sort of webs herself? Well, okay, let me walk you back. This is maybe something that you don't know from the Spider-Man world. There is a very famous phrase

that is pretty much associated with Spider-Man said in every version of the Spider-Man movies. It's an Uncle Ben quote that is like the touchstone of the Spider-Man story. Okay, I love when two men are telling me about Marvel movies. I love this, I love this. Do you know what it is? I love this moment. No, no, I love when two men are telling you about my moments. I love this. I love this. Do you know, do you know what it is?

No, no, I don't. I love this moment. With great power comes great responsibility. You just said it. Oh, well, yeah. That's the Spider-Man. Okay. For this, that is the mantra of the Spider-Man story. Okay. From Uncle Ben, from Adam Scott. What if we just switch it a little bit? What if we- I see what you're saying. What if we inverted it?

Yeah. Wow, I didn't even realize that that came from that. Like it's like- Can I admit something? That's one of the moments that I teared up. What? Oh, I feel very connected to that line. And here it is played out. You didn't hear.

You can't save all three. And when you take on the responsibility, a great hour will come. It doesn't fall off the tongue at all. It doesn't roll up. Just hear it again. Just hear it again. And when you take on the responsibility, great power will come. And when you take on the responsibility, great power will come. What? It's like the

movie though, it's like I don't know if I'm in the past or the present tense, I don't know. But yet like there are or the present tense, I don't know. But yet, like there are tears in my eyes and I'm inexplicably writing a five-star review on Amazon. Wow, Jason. I don't know, thank you Madame Webb, you did it again. She... Wow.

I mean, and that's the other thing too, there's a whole part of me that thinks that now is Spider-Man cultural appropriation because he's clearly stolen his costume. Like everything that I thought is like, well from these Amazon warriors, he took that. The phrase that he was given by Uncle Ben. Came from Madame Webb. Uncle Ben botched it. Oh yeah.

Like so Madame Webb said it to him and he's like, oh I think I remember. Madame Webb said it first. I'm sure she's gonna say it to Ben Parker. It's like what my dad is trying to explain something to me. He's like, yeah, you know, with great power comes great responsibility. I think that's what she said.

And then Aunt Maybeck, no, she said, when you take on the responsibility, great power comes. And then Uncle Lee. Really? Like, that's what this movie is hypothesizing. Wait a second. Ben heard it wrong. But what you're telling me is that Adam Scott is currently

falling in love with a young Marisa Tomei? No. No. No. Yes. Tom Holland? She's Aunt May. Tom Holland? She's Aunt May for Tom Holland.

Oh, I guess you're right. Well, I mean, this is the- Right? Yes. And he's the age- Gosh. He is the correct age to have been born in, what is this, 2003? Yeah.

Okay, you're right. Yeah, wow. I believe that is Tom Holland's Spider-Man. No, no, no. Because Sony keeps saying- No, but wait, wait, wait. We're gonna- No, no, that would be weird because,

Marissa Tomei, Marissa Tomei. Well I guess Uncle Ben would be so old. Not so old because Marissa Tomei's not so old. But in 20 years from now, Adam Scott will be like 60. It's not 20 years from now, it's 20 years from 2012. No. Well no, no, no. What do you mean? This movie takes place in 2003.

Sure. So, so, 2024, Marisa Tomei is... Marisa Tomei concurrently. Currently, like, so... How old is that? For those listening, June has gone home. I understand what you're saying. I believe we're meant to think that this is Tom Holland being born. But I mean, I'm also going to say that in the Mercedome Tom Holland thing, there's no Uncle Ben. Yeah, RIP a legend.

There's just happy. Sorry, June. I think Adam Stodd's no Uncle Ben. Yeah, RIP a legend. There's just happy. I think Adam Stodd's gonna die. All right, sorry. Have you solved anything even? I loved when Dakota inexplicably had like a full on Steve Rogers shield moment. Where she takes like a piece of the roof and is just like with the fireworks, just like knows where every fireworks gonna hit and is just doing straight up shield work. Well here, so just to come on going back to the line again, but to go back to that moment

of when she says, if you accept your responsibility, then great power will come. Here's the thing about movies, like we want things to be dramatized, and there has to be some action to it, like nothing happens in that. I believe she's meant to be taking responsibility for these three. I understand that. But I'm also like super but there's something needed to happen. What we should have seen is that she should have been about to make a selfish choice and then

have come back to a real... We are expected to understand that from her going... Yes. Right. Right. And like... She hasn't acted. What happens?

Like, I think that she's already made that choice for great responsibility. Multiple times. No, she hasn't. I don't think she... I mean, yes and no. I think the movie is saying... Because I think that's why they keep having her say like, I'm going think she, I mean, yes and no. I think the movie is saying, cause I think that's why they keep having her say like, I'm gonna send you back to your parents.

I'm gonna drop you off. I'm gonna get rid of you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And here she's like, no, they're all, all three of them are inexplicably hanging from roof beams. All three. So you're saying in that moment, okay, so what I would, here's what I would buy. She was like, so what I would buy, she has been doing that the whole time, but here's what I would buy is if, because what ends up happening is she

does save all three. If much like a mother's instinct, she can't distinguish between who she's, I think maybe that's what's, maybe they're going for. And so that is- He says you can't save them all. Right. And so that is how she understands, but I'm having to put this together now.

It's also- You know, and that's what's tricky, you have to do so much work after. It's also what the guy in Peru says to her is like, you don't, the Spider-Man in Peru, he's like, you don't know the power that you have yet. You haven't yet, like tapped into with a true potential of whatever it is.

But then, but then I feel like there's a part of me that believes that when she does tap into that power, she loses the spider power in a way because then she becomes, she becomes paralyzed. But I know she got hit in the face. She kind of becomes Dr. Manhattan. She kind of becomes like, I see everything, everything is fine, everything's okay.

But when I saw her in that wheelchair at the end, I was like, huh. Yeah, it was a big pop. The blind is cool, I'm like, this is like Daredevil, this is kind of cool, but that fucking wheelchair was like, that was an odd choice I thought maybe I'm wrong I don't know that's the character in the comics well but she took up the life support she's almost dying now by the way did just do some

research at this point in Merissa to May's life she'll be 39 so it does make sense that Adam Scott would be thank you Paul for doing the research if you could just send me any of those links for young Marisa Tomei. Or actually contemporary Marisa Tomei. Right now, Marisa Tomei. So they actually would make a fine couple, I think. You know, they'd be fine.

LAUGHTER I am honestly glad we figured it out because we would have been working on it afterward and at home, and so I am actually glad it's resolved. because we would have been working on it afterward and at home And so I am actually glad it's resolved. Gotta get the bar grass out. What's so interesting is Yeah, no, I guess Uncle Ben doesn't live long enough, but Aunt May never says anything about Madame Webb

She has to. She's so close to Madame Webb. You know and yet then she has Spider-Man as a nephew and you would think she would be like, hey, I know Madame Webb. Well, all right, so in this world, Je connais Madame Webb. Zutaro! In this world, Emma Roberts and her husband die.

R.I.P. R.I.P. on some fun adventure. Cruise ship disaster. Now then the baby is left with Adam Scott. Okay I'd buy that. Sure. Then he dies. Then Aunt May is like fuck all right that's my kid. Like so he's very far removed from this family. Oh yeah. Wow. Well you don't feel like an ant even if you're not a blood ant. Like you're still an ant. I just feel like I'm... Why don't we use the term blood ant more?

Like you're still an ant. Why isn't that part of the cultural lexicon? Oh that's my blood ant. I mean I would hope that... That's my not blood ant. I would hope that with... You know what I'm blood uncle? I just think that there's a...

I would hope that with your nephews who are my sister's children that you don't feel like why the fuck would they be left with me? Like blood related to them? Whatever we make the t-shirts tonight, can we please just also make blood aunt and blood uncle t-shirts? Blood aunt, blood uncle. No, I guess what I'm just taking in is the amount of tragedy that has hit this family.

Because it's like, where is Richard? And I'm going to go one step further and go, Richard never comes home. Richard was in a car accident. He missed his son's birth. Oh my God, we're dealing with that. Then maybe a year or two passes, something terrible happens to Emma Roberts. Then maybe a year or two passes, something

terrible happens to Emma Roberts. And then they're like, okay, and then we get Adam Scott and he's like, all right, I got this baby, this is going to be great. Maybe they rush their marriage a little bit. And Adam Scott's never, he's not super happy with Mae and he's out late drinking, he gets hit by a cab. and Marissa's like, oh my God. And she's like, now I got this kid from this loveless marriage. I don't even have a connection to his family because they're all fucking dead.

She's got a lot of weight on her. Can I tell you something? And you know who knows every one of those beats of life? Madame Webb. She doesn't stop any of that from happening. This bitch knows everything that's going on in the future. She's like, I'll let you die. I'll let you die. I'll let you die. Everybody dies so that I can get a Spider-Man. Let's turn on the house lights here. We'll go out to the audience and see what y'all

have to say. Hi, what's your name? Hi, I'm Jeff. Okay All right, what's your name? I am Jeff. Okay, Jeff, what's your question? So first, I want to say in the comics, Madame Webb is actually a mutant, so none of the Peruvians.

Right, yeah. Right, you didn't care to mention that? I didn't want, I didn't want. The first hour and 43 minutes of this podcast. Her powers are not spider-related at all. She's just a mutant. She's an X-Man? She's an X-Man.

I mean, she's a mutant a la the X-Men. I didn't want to like, can get all nerdy with y'all. Like, it was enough to be like. Why, because you wanted to be cool? You wanted to protect your, you wanted to protect your cool guy image? I'm so sorry. I don't want to tell you about mutants in X-Men.

I want to be cool. I just wanted to simplify that because they really do. Yeah, this should be, she should be an X-Men and I feel like somebody wasn't minding the mint because Sony doesn't have rights to the X-Men. No. And so I feel like they're like they kind of snuck it in.

Okay, but anyway, go ahead. My question is regarding Ezekiel Sims and his lack of footwear and I wanted to just see how we all felt about that. My assumption on that, my assumption is that yeah my assumption is that it's so he can do his web crawling. You know he needs his feet to be able to, his hands and feet to be able to like web crawl, right? But he uses footwear in his scuba outfit. Oh. So he's just walking around New York City barefoot for fun. But that's like a very rich person thing to do,

like Howard Hughes-y. And you know how you know he's- The millionaire with no shoes. You know how you know he's rich? He drives a new Corvette. He's got like 35k to burn on a brand new Corvette. When he drove away in the Corvette, I was like this guy's not a threat. This guy's not a threat at all. He drives a base model Corvette. Get out of town, Ezekiel. All right, your name, your question.

My name is Storm, and... Whoa! When we first meet Las Aranjas, they're, like, covered in red paint and, like, rope or something like that. Fast forward 30 years later, they're basically, no disrespect, dressed like Jason right now, like, in a white button-down.

Who... He said said no disrespect. I more so mean like who gentrified the Peruvian. You've got a lot of nerve storm. Jason, are you Los Aranyes? What if I just like with vines, like shot up into the rafters like I have a theory So I have a theory on this and again, this is for a larger Substack article I'm writing so I believe that Los Aranjas at the time of her mother's death were a part of that crew watching

to make sure that the land was protected. And they, that's like their Clark Kent superhero, like their Clark Kent Superman kind of identity. So they're in the world, but they're also Spider-Men. And so that's how the baby gets back to the United States. But do you think that the La Serena wanted her to take that spider? I think that they understood that she was only there to help her baby. And by the way, best reveal of a baby ever.

Like the way she lives up there. But I believe that that culture was, this is again, in my sub stack, a very large 25 paragraphs just on this opening scene. I believe that that culture is like, you know what? Let's have her get a bite by the spider so she can cure her baby, because she's not trying to do anything more with the spider. She's just trying to cure her baby.

That's what she's trying to do. But I think when Dakota Johnson goes to Peru and meets with the guy, and he's dressed in normal street clothes, that's reshoots. I think that is just reshoots. I think that is... But doesn't he get in the clothes in the cave?

Nope. Oh. Oh, okay. in normal street clothes, that's reshoots. I think that is just reshoots. I think that is... But doesn't he get in the clothes in the cave? Nope. Oh. He doesn't get into any of that stuff. He's wearing like... He's dressed in street clothes, essentially.

Interesting. And everybody speaks just flawless American English. Oh yeah, he did speak pretty good. Which I was like, I'm so sorry. This lost tribe of spider people is just like, hey what's up? You wanna do spider shit? Oh, come take a milk bath. What's up? Spider shit here, Amazon, Peru. Ba ba ba. What? Come on. Yes, your name, your question. Stacey, and we we've called them orphans a few times tonight,

but none of them are orphans. And it was very concerning, because one of them, their parents got deported. And we heard nothing about it. One of them, she had a mom back in California, and her stepmom just didn't like her. I believe her mother was institutionalized. Her parents are rich and just didn't know she was gone.

It's just runaways, right? They're more runaways. Because at one point, they're more like, their parents have like forsaken them. Yes. I don't know if their parents know they're gone. No, their parents- Well, Sydney Sweeney- They certainly don't know they're gone.

Sydney Sweeney says she ran away. That's for sure. After her mom died in the end? No, her mother is institutionalized, right? Oh, okay. Her mother's institutionalized, but her dad, we just saw her with her dad. I don't know, her dad has a step mom. She has a step mom, but her mom is, her real mom is across the country.

In a psych ward. But then the one who has the parents deported had a little brother, I thought. Oh, God. Did she? No, I don't think so, Stacey. I think she was alone in that apartment. I think so, too.

I think the little brother with the picture was. Was with Sydney Sweeney. That's Sydney Sweeney's father's new son. But your point is a good one though. Five stars. And you guys tried to stop me from getting Marissa Tomei's age, how dare you? You're right, they are not, the only orphan,

I believe is Dakota Johnson. But yet. We don't know who her father is though. But yet, the don't know who her father is though. But yet the thing that remains is at the end of the film, you know, they're all in the hospital room, they're like family only and she's like, they are. Yeah. But that's also like kidnapping on some level too.

They're not, they're not family. They are not, they are not family at all. And they all have active and rich families and they could probably buy great face recognition technology. I wish I knew what his whole thing was. Boy would it have been more fun if he was like, if he had, if there was any dimensionality to the villain. If I was like, what's he, like, what is it?

Like, it's just long hair. Yeah. You know, that's it. Yeah in a voice like this Yeah. All right. Yes your name your question Yeah, my name is Andres and there was a scene ever than the diner scene specifically They bring up Churchill. So it's in Churchill, New Jersey, which I guess from New York to Churchill's 1500 1600 miles Why is the Midtown High School team at this diner that is 1600 miles from Midtown?

By the way, I don't think they have a Midtown High School team also as a New York City resident. I don't think that they have like PS 145, or Midtown, I don't know. And I thought the casting of the, I actually thought about those guys at the table quite a bit because I really like No, but that's why I feel like they were trying to make them like hunky but not too old

But the actors were older, but they were playing high school students. Well, that was everybody They had to match to the girls who were all They had to match to the girls who were all 30. Yes, yes. In a movie that comes out in the same year. If they had cast actual teenagers as those boys and these girls walked up to them, you'd be like, get these guys out of here. These milfs are trying to fuck them.

What is this, a cougar movie? Get out of here. I bought them as teenage girls though. I didn't blink an eye. And your question. My name's Allison. I just wanted to put in a plug, as someone who also is up to date on their CPR every year,

implore you to take a professional course. Do not learn CPR from this movie. There was, I mean, not just like the taking breaks so quickly, you're not keeping up the pressure that way, but also the rate was way too slow. There was some one-handed CPR, she was not looking, she was not paying attention. Staying alive. She was doing CPR and then suddenly the people were like magically just okay. Yeah, it's really a...

You're gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay. Don't worry about it, you're gonna be okay. Let that be one... That's what she says to that guy when she's giving CPR to him. Let that be one thing you take away from this movie. Do not learn CPR from Madame Webb. From watching it.

Or maybe that's the shirt. I learned CPR from Madame Webb. That's it. That is, that's a great shirt. Madame, Madame Webb CPR certified. Yeah. Good, That's it. That's a great shirt. Madame, Madame Webb CPR certified. Good. That's it. Okay.

I guarantee you, I guarantee you within the year, if not already, there will be a news story about some kid saving someone's life from using CPR they learned from mad damn web. I promise and when that happens you guys all owe me money. I will just say this one thing because we did talk about this diner scene a lot and I thought this is interesting. So the director wanted this film to be a commentary on toxic masculinity and how it's a poison to strong independent women. And Ezekiel Simms is a man who's trying to kill three young women with toxic powers. This is clearly toxic masculinity, which is emphasized

and why the film is set in 2004 or three for Britney Spears' Toxic, which came out in 2004. So it's weird. But the only, so according to the producer, the filmmakers set the film in 2003 so they could feature the song Toxic. So this whole movie was just backing into getting Toxic? Why did they need it to be a new release?

That song still exists now. Quite a bit. And the DJ all the time. And the DJ does say, that song's from Britney Spears, and she's going to be a big star. She already was. I would argue that that was the apex of her career. Like you weren't predicting it.

So there's also been a lot of people talk online that if that DJ was to play it, he was playing like a deep track off of this Britney Spears album. So that is interesting. That's strange. Yeah, that is an interesting one. I hope all the second opinion songs are too toxic.

Let's hear some second opinions right now. That's right. We have opinions about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for second opinions. Whoo! Whoo! second opinions. Madame Web, Madame Web, does whatever us but or can't. Driving skills, ADR.

Adam Scott, CPR. Look out. Here comes five stars. Amazing. Great job. That was great. Oh, hold on. Take this, sir.

Take all these Pepsi's. Give them to your friend. You've done a Great job. That was great. Oh, hold on. Take this, sir. Take all these Pepsi's. Give them to your friend. You've done a great job. Wow. All right. Only four more hours left in the show.

Here we go. Madame Webb came out this year. There are just a thousand reviews on Amazon and as we found with movies that come out the same year that we do them There's not that much to pull from we've been finding the letterbox is a lot better for the more recent Films and this one goes like this by Felix Villain is too scary. Couldn't finish it. Five stars. I wish that they were specific and that they thought that Matt M. Webb was the villain.

John Thinder writes, genuinely makes no sense how people think the line in the trailer, he was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders just before she died, is bad. How? It's telling us what's going on. It's necessary to the plot.

They say it's unnatural, which, uh, no. That's how people talk. I'm not sure. It's necessary to the plot. They say it's unnatural, which, uh, no. That's how people talk. Five stars. And then, uh, the last one from Egghead Human, uh, Egghead Human writes, these girl bosses are slaying.

Five stars. Incredible. Yeah, so. Oh, I wish their team was called the girl bosses. The whole cast came out against this movie in a crazy way. That's terrible. That's terrible. Like, I mean, Dakota Johnson said, this film is unrecognizable from the version that I

saw the script of. She, yeah, she told people not to go see this movie. Wow. Multiple times. When those people were on the red carpet, they said, this movie opens on Valentine's Day. What do you want to tell people to do? I said, stay home, go sleep.

No way. Sidney Sweeney said, I'm gonna go to sleep. Like I've never seen so many people that are in a movie shit on a movie when it was in the theater. They're like, nope. Wow. movie when it was in the theater. They're like, nope. But we would like you to reconsider. Yeah.

Because this was dynamite. I liked it. Both did. I did too. I did too. And in fact, I think that, I think knowing that it was so universally hated and people had such strong feelings about, you know, her doing Marvel and all female leads in Marvel. Like I was like, I wonder what this is. And I really,

I enjoyed myself. And it was over two hours and felt somehow shorter than Beautiful Wedding. Blew by. Which was inexplicable. Beautiful Wedding seemed to me, the movie we did last night, to take about seven hours to watch. It seemed to be... It was the longest movie I've ever seen. It was a mini-series. It felt the longest in history. I feel like I'm still watching.

I feel like we're still, we're just inside Beautiful Wedding. This was a breath of fresh air. And again, yeah, I mean, Jason, we're not well, you know? We're not okay. We're fucked. well, you know, we're not okay. Like we're so not okay. Um, in terms of what we are consuming for this podcast that obviously take that with a grain of salt, but boy, it went down quite easy. I thought it was way better than the way that people talked about it.

Like there are things in it. You know what I thought it was better than? the way that people talked about it. Like there are things in it. You know what I thought it was better than? Morbius. Oh yeah. I thought this was way better than Morbius. I want thousand percent. You've got to watch mad damn web or Morbius right now. I'd be like mad damn web.

Because one of them, I have to watch Jared Leto. So I'm more, I'm Madame Webb all the way. I do believe that I like Jared Leto's enthusiasm for it. It feels like there are moments in this movie where everyone's like, when's lunch? Yeah. Yeah. And in one scene you can visibly see Sydney Sweeney having like a crafty coffee.

How's your eyesight? But it's a shame because- How's your eyesight? That's what she asks. How's your eyesight? You know, you were in the hospital. It's not good. It's bad.

What a thing to ask. I will tell you the original script. The premise of the original movie was Terminator inspired. Okay, so Madame Webb and the Spider-Women were trying to protect a pregnant Mary Parker from a time traveling Ezekiel Simms who wants to kill her to prevent the birth of Peter Parker. That was the original idea, which is aces in my opinion. I get it.

I understand why he's doing that. And they have a very clear mission. Great. Wow. Right? But my guess is they didn't do it because it required Peter Parker to be the focal point of the thing

and Sony won't, is that it? Is that the- There's no reason. Oh, okay. No reason was given. I'm sorry that I'm looking for logic as to why it got shifted into this pile of hot diarrhea that I loved. I believe... I think this is just meant to be an origin story, but it's so strange. You know,

it doesn't... Right. And then are you telling me for 20 years, there's been three Spider-Women running around New York City, so when Spider-Man shows up, they're like, oh yeah, we know this. But I'm assuming... We spent the last two decades with three women just bopping around solving crimes. I'm assuming this is a different unit. This is like a multiverse dumb stuff. Yeah. Like Spider-Man would get sucked into this universe

as his, I don't know. Or this is Tom Holland and we're all like, who cares? The good news is when they asked the producer of the movie, they said, is this a superhero movie? The producer of the movie said, no, it's a thriller. A thriller? A thriller? I thought that was an odd choice.

A thriller. A thriller. I thought you were going to say like action. Just like ambulance or bring out the dead, like those ambulance. Thriller. Yeah. Thriller.

Thriller. Wow. I don't know. I think it's a real thinker. Clairvoyant thriller, sure. Well, I think we all agree that we would recommend this movie. Yeah, I might even give this a second watch.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm gonna watch it tonight. Yeah. I think a dream night would be like to take a little gummy, smoke a little weed and put this movie on. Why, you're doing a gummy and smoking weed? Yeah. It's badm web, baby.

10% badm web. I think this is like. Do a little H. Take a gummy. Get that substance I gave Michael Jackson called milk. It was pro-po-false. Throw it on. It was pro-po-false. It's what I got when I was getting my colonoscopy

and the guy was like, hey, big fan. As I was like... What world am I in? Mad damn web! Now when you came out of that colonoscopy, could you see the future? I wish.

I wish. I wish like some pathway came out of my asshole and connected me to the people that matter, because that's where silk comes from in spiders. And that is our show. Thank you so much for coming out. Thank you LA. We'll be back soon. Eat shit LA. That's a wrap on Madame Webb. Thanks as always to the wonderful staff at Largo and our recording engineer Rich Garcia.

If you want the t-shirt that we created for this episode which says, Madam Webb CPR certified with the handprints on the chest, go to tpublic.com slash stores slash HDTGM. Next week on Last Looks we'll be going over Madam Webb corrections and omissions, so if you have something about the movie to get off your chest, leave me a voicemail at 619-P-A-U-L-A-S-K or write a comment on our discord at Discord.gg slash HDTGM. And a reminder, my book is out there, so go get it. Joyful recollections of trauma. You can get it wherever you get your books,

and keep those reviews coming. And thank you so much once again. Make sure you see us in Nantucket at the Film Festival, and in Father's Day, we'll be performing in Boston at the Wilbur Theatre. All right, you can find us online at HDTGM. That's right, everywhere you can go online you'll find us at HDTGM. And last but not least, I have to say thank you to all of our listeners who support this show every week and our entire team who this show couldn't be done without.

I'm talking about our very own producers, Scott Sonny, Molly Reynolds, and our movie picking producer, Avril Halle, and our engineer engineer Casey Holford, as well as our associate producer Jess Cisneros. That's all I got people. Bye for now.