How Did This Get Made? - Matinee Monday: Babes in Toyland LIVE!

Episode Date: November 28, 2022

Fire up your Suzuki Sidekicks because Paul, Jason, and June are back LIVE at The Largo in Los Angeles talking about the 1986 made for TV movie, Babes in Toyland, starring Keanu Reeves and Drew Barrymore. Jason puts Cincinnati on blast, Paul digs into the Georgie Porgie mythos, and we have a very special Second Opinions guest that blows June’s mind. (Originally released 12/30/2021) For more Matinee Monday content, visit Paul's YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/c/PaulScheerGo to www.hdtgm.com for tour dates, tickets, and more. Follow Paul on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/paulscheer/HDTGM Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: https://discord.gg/paulscheerCheck out Paul and Rob Huebel live on Twitch (https://www.twitch.tv/friendzone) every Thursday 8-10pm ESTSubscribe to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael here: listen.earwolf.com/deepdiveSubscribe to Unspooled with Paul Scheer and Amy Nicholson here: listen.earwolf.com/unspooledCheck out The Jane Club over at www.janeclub.comCheck out new HDTGM merch over at https://www.teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmWhere to Find Jason, June & Paul:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is Not on Twitter

Tighten the hatches on your jeeps soft top because kids are going flying We saw babes in toyland, so you know what that means Why they hope to blow off steam, just to suck a flush to unlight for 10 minutes We're shocked to hear the blood damage, how we stand alive They call me when you're bad ass and he's on the line Crankin' eights, eight minutes, cause they cool as ice Cause the bad Jim Barney lookin' kind of nice Paul and Julien, get in the middle, Jason is getting laid

Julien's making sure all the monkey shots in the pan They're just a bunch of movies, why they making the grade Here's a real question for you, how does this get paid? Hello people of her, and hello people of Los Angeles We are back, we are back live at Largo Holy shit, it has been far too long And we cannot wait to talk about tonight's movie Which is the biggest piece of Cincinnati propaganda ever produced

Lenny Riefenstahl would look at this and say, wow, how can I get on this train? This movie, babes in toyland, Keanu Reeves, Drew Barrymore, Richard Mulligan, Ellen Burstyn All came together for a TV movie in 1986 that real Ellen Brennan But it should have been Ellen Burstyn Eileen, Eileen Brennan, and that was a trick Because I want to see you saw the fucking movie And you proved to me that you are worth being the first live audience we've had back So thank you

If I did that at home on one of our Zoom recordings I would have gone in I would have snipped it out, I would have looked smart Here I will look dumb, I'll still cut that out But you got to see me vulnerable What is babes in toyland about if you've not seen babes in toyland? It's simple, it's the Wizard of Oz kind of With like weird adult men wanting to marry teenage girls, creatures, and Pat Merida It's hard to really parse, but we will try our best to break it down

And I can't think of two people to break it down better than my co-host So please welcome Mr. Jason Manzuchus What's up Drugs? How are we doing Los Angeles? I missed you But boy do I wish we weren't here Because I don't know what you've been doing But I suspect it's risky

I will let you know most of the audience are players for the Chicago Bulls So that is tricky, a lot of them are in quarantine, that's why they're here tonight Huge stuff, guys holy shit this is nuts Jason I don't know if you noticed but when I even did my pre-show ritual I went over to your chair and then immediately you realized I didn't touch a thing Thank you I'm so excited to have you back Jason But we could not do this show without my other co-hosts

Please welcome to the stage Ms. June Diane Raefio Wow How are you June? I'm doing well, how are you Paul? I'm doing fine, thank you so much for asking I'd just like to say at that live show that Jason's talking about I, he was so sick, so sick that I said I will not be sharing a hotel room with you And so June and I had to share a hotel room

Didn't see another way, I didn't see another solution I slept great Okay, let me just say this is really overwhelming and I may cry So just so everybody is comfortable with that, yeah I just might cry a few times You know I hate every single one of you I don't like it here and I don't want to be here but I still I am thrilled you're here and I love every single one of you We are so happy, so happy to be back and I will say that June I know how you watch this movie

Would you like to share with the audience where you watched it? Well I have a bone to pick So I don't, I never know what the movie is going to be until literally moments before my eyes fall on it I know I did ask this morning She will turn to me as the credits are rolling, she's like what is this? That's my process and this morning I said to Paul What are we watching and with sort of like oh god what do I have to do That kind of tone and you said oh you're gonna love it, it's a Christmas movie

Amen, I stand by that comment This is not a Christmas movie, this is not a Christmas movie It is This is a Christmas nightmare? It is, this is like a haunting fable of I mean like I'm almost positive in the opening Seeing Drew Barrymore's character perishes Yes I mean if there is ever a time for a Jacob's Ladder scenario I mean this is it

I hesitate to say it but it is absolutely this movie is 100% a Jacob's Ladder scenario Here's I just want to correct one thing that Paul you said earlier And that Keanu Reeves, my dear, dear friend from John Wick Chapter 3 Parabellum Tick-tock Mr. Wick, tick-tock Mr. Wick Tick-tock Um, uh, uh, uh, misidentified he says he has a jeep You said he has a jeep This motherfucker is driving a Suzuki sidekick

Wow Now if you're wondering why Drew Barrymore plummets out the back Okay, of the car of the sidekick it's because it's a Suzuki sidekick You still got to buckle up but back in 86 they didn't care about seatbelts Um, as long as you had a sled in the car you were fine Thank god for that sled Imagine what would have happened if she just plummeted out the back no sled. I will say this This movie is a tv movie a made for tv film

Oh, okay Okay, um, and uh, it starts off in every, I think every shitty diner painting that I've ever seen For me, I will say for me it started with me going to the website for toy, for toys in Beybland Well that is going to give you some different stuff Which was a very different thing I bought a bunch of dildos Well, I Made by the toy maker

Put some eyes on it Put some eyes on that dildo All the dildos and vibrators have eyes and if you crank them they do stuff And he signs them like a cabbage patch kid. That's nice So I so I watched this movie. So I sit to paul It's oh and I got really excited. I thought oh, it's a christmas movie I mean, I'm a I'm an actor in a christmas movie. So that's Eight bit christmas HBO max right now. I'm a holiday actor

So I can connect by the way, congrats. Thank you. Like I Again, we've stated it before and we'll state it again. We want access. Give us the keys Yeah, let us make a christmas move. Yeah as a holiday actor. I felt like oh, this is my genre and it's a genre I love love love love love. So I was looking forward to it You and I are watching these on our free time for fun. Absolutely. I put on a christmas movie every night About one that I was like, do we need to switch the movie for what you're telling me? I knew that we shouldn't because you all have prepared properly But the movie that we watched was with um, melissa joneheart as a podcaster and she runs into uh, luke perry

No Oh, that was almost R.i.p. And that was almost as bad as ellen burston yesterday. This doesn't mean that luke perry seems to be doing this Jason priestly and listen as a jason ellen burston jason priestly Well, I would let ellen burston both june and I recoiled them I love them both, but I mean that's aileen brennick. All I can think of is ellen burston in private benjamin Oh my god. Oh, what a different movie But well also as a jason priestly gal myself. I always preferred him to luke perry. Um, that just hurts

You know that just hurts for all of us. You loved you loved the priest. Yes. Yes, um But so I I said to paul. Okay, it's a christmas movie. I'm excited to see it and then I had to take our oldest son to a basketball Practice and we drop him off him and his friend And now I go back to the car now the only spot I had was at the entrance of the bass like every parent Every person has to walk through and it's brightly lit where I'm parked And I have to watch this movie on an ipad And I'm sitting in the front seat

Watching this movie And it's propped up against The wheel and I'm furiously taking notes and I thought I'm gonna be Uh reported to the authorities. There's no way That I get out of this without someone putting me on some sort of a list and rightfully so Absolutely. Can you imagine if it was me? Imagine me In my car with something that we all know contains a camera pointing out the windshield

While I furiously take notes in my writing. I will still say that I watched pausing writing pausing writing I I still live in fear from the time that I we were on tour in new york I had to watch uh master disguise the great dana carvey Vehicle and I was watching the turtle club in a children's museum while my children played with their grandfather I was in the corner with a laptop Watching a dana carvey movie like ah, yes, like what is this particularly weird is Is you could get away with watching that movie with your kids and look normal

Yes, but to be in a children's environment without kids so wrong but watching a kids movie is a lure Yes What's over here Well, the other thing for me I see family Yes, is I was facing the auditorium So all the other parents are propped up watching their kids play except for me And I look like I'm making the choice. Like oh, I don't want to watch my kid

Like I want to be here with this Yeah And the and and if somebody were to walk and see what you you might be like what's going on and you're like Before I gotta watch the succession finale or whatever But to be if someone were to walk around and be like, what the fuck are you watching? It's only 10 more days till christmas. I gotta get my christmas on gotta get through these I've been watching the the car chase of them driving in circles. I mean you'd be like Have you seen what she's watching you get a load of the you know, the other people there are like get a load of this

I felt truly insane. Well, this movie is this movie surprised me in many levels because not me First of all start to finish. I was like, I get it makes total sense I will tell you even doing it when I saw pat marita as the toy master I was like, that's a movie. I do want to see and that could be a horror movie I'm down for an evil pat marita. Uh, but no, he's a lovely lovely man in this film What made you think he was evil just a toy master sounded very evil like the name the toy Yeah, like oh, I make a jack-in-the-box. It's a drill the toy maker He was the toy master. Yes. Okay. Okay. One thing I got right about this

Uh, credits, uh, I just had a super quick question. It where was drew baron or his family from? Oh, I don't have that in my notes. Maybe nick kiley gave some notes That would have helped me understand the movie better If I understood via both Dialogue and maybe even original song You know where these motherfuckers were from I think I might have Have something here to help us. This is a clip from the movie. Uh, let's see if this helps. Um This is going to be the best Christmas in the history of the world. It's not right here in Cincinnati

Welcome to glorious Cincinnati the queen of Ohio's malpine ski resort Snubbooo I come from C-I-N-C-I-N-N-E-T-I Cincinnati The best town in O-E-O-I-O-I-O-U-S-A At first they called it cinzzy, but since it's Cincinnati, they named it Cincinnati Suzuki S-I-K-T

The girls are pretty pretty in this pretty little city The fellers are the feistyest I've seen But when it comes to ball teams, the red and the fangles malty They knock the socks, our ball teams all agree I mean truth, art, music, and eventable The bats are caught up in tanzubo, cin-cin- often The 2021 The world!

The underdrive Cincinnati Cincinnati What, another verse? Now here's the thing about that, that number What? More? The city doesn't warrant that many verses I have a thing with Philadelphia.

We now have a thing with Cincinnati. Jason, you have just put Cincinnati on blast. Listen, I'm putting Cincinnati and all of Canada on blast. Not interested! There is a moment, though, in that thing, in re-watching it where, first of all, the driving in this movie is amazing

because not only are they driving like the worst fake driving where it's like, left, right, left, right, but they're also pushing the car back and forth like a Star Trek episode. So, if a car was driving like this, it would be in an accident. Well, also, during a Blizzard,

and he keeps going up through the... He's driving in a manual drive up through the gears. He should be in second gear going so slow right now. But as the song picks up tempo, he's like, got to drive faster, got to drive faster, driving so fast that the little girl dies. Driving so fast, I can't stop driving fast.

Since Canada has the most dead kids, that's the fact, look it up. It's because of the songs that we sing while we drive. This is what's killing all our children. It does seem because they have all those looks to each other. In that scene, like, we're going to do this, we're going to finish the song. We need the blood from an 11-year-old kid.

Wait, so there's something here that I thought was so interesting is, in that moment where they're singing, Keanu looks like he's lost control of the car. And now, only moments later, a girl shoots out the back of that dude. Because he does lose control. But in that moment,

I guess he had one more verse before she could shoot out. And I'll be honest with you, because much like June, I had zero reference. I had no idea, I just was given a title and a link. New Ellen Burstin was in it. I was like, Burst Baby, Burst, give it to me. I heard it's a prequel for Requiem. I was like, wait, are you telling me

the star of Empty Nest and Golden Girls is in this? I'm hardcore in. Anyway, regardless, I put it on and I'm watching the movie, and then this happens and I'm like, I write in my notes, hang on, is this a fucking musical? And then I watch the rest of the movie and I'm not sure. Yeah.

This movie has too few songs to be a musical, but too many songs to be a movie. There is, okay. There's like three and a half songs. The original cut of the movie was 145 minutes. How long is this? 94. Okay.

So, okay. Wow. The rest was songs. Clearly the rest was songs that they were like, we gotta get rid of this. Well, by the way, the biggest mistake of this movie was they hired people that were terrible singers.

Like there's not, they're like even... What the sister was a good singer. I mean, what's concerning about that, I don't think the sister's job, but everybody else is, but what's concerning about that, his singing is... Okay. But by a bad singer. Well, I don't think...

When you said TV movie, I think that answers your question. Yeah, but it's concerning because it makes me think like, oh, they left, these are the best songs that they left in? Can you imagine? This is what we had to keep? Can you imagine what was cut from this movie?

Two songs, one song called, It's the Feeling, and another song called, We'll Think of Something. Which might as well be, that is like the truth. That is speaking truth inside of the movie. By the way, also... What's the movie? I don't know, We'll Think of Something.

I mean, by the way, this movie was shot all in Germany, but also... And all the songs written by Steven Sondheim are IP. But it is based on a 1903 operetta. Babes in Toyland is an opera. And there isn't another movie called Babes in Toyland. No other movie. No, I'm just joking. Yeah, of course.

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. In that version, are all of those songs in there? Well, this seems to be like a take on it. Like, it's like... So this isn't like a remake of that movie? Or is it? It is a remake. It is okay. I didn't know that.

I think Toy Soldiers... I didn't know if they shared a title. Here's something I don't know anything about, but I'm going to be very actively saying that I do. I think Toy Soldiers are definitely in the other Babes in Toyland. But I don't think like Mother Hubbard's like shoe is in that. So you think everything's the same but the shoe? Everything's the same, but the shoe is not.

I think what they did was they moved in like some... I think they... Am I right in this that they moved in like the fairy tales like the Humpty Dumpty and stuff like that? Or is that in the old one too? It's in the old one. Okay. That escort that man out.

Apparently there's a movie with Laurel and Hardy. Escort that man out, please. Well, what's so disappointing about this? I mean, this isn't Wizard of Oz because what's so disappointing is that the characters that we meet in the beginning and their character traits have nothing to do with the fairy tale characters, but honestly with the exception of the woman in the shoe

and her lists, they have nothing to do. The only relation that I truly did not understand until the very end of the movie is that Drew Barrymore's character is meant to have kind of renounced childhood. And so... Right, because you're cooking in the beginning. Toyland, she's making dinner. Don't worry, I'm making dinner. She's taking care of things.

She has kind of renounced childhood and is living as like an adult, an adult life. It would be so hard to state that to the kid. The real commentary on the actual Drew Barrymore's life. It is. Well, I mean, that was... Yeah, that was interesting. But I felt like they didn't really state it that much because she was acting like a kid, but...

But that's why I feel like Toyland was this... You know, this also gave me real for comic book nerds here. Fables, Bill Lyham's Fables. This was like very in that world that I was like, ooh, a world that you go to where the Fables actually exist, where all the kind of storybook characters live together in a town. But she seemingly didn't know any of those stories. It was like, oh my God, Humpty Dumpty.

Yes. They just introduced her to people. Okay, this motherfucker Humpty Dumpty. You don't put a giant egg in a movie, okay? Unless he's gonna fall off that wall and crack. They show him twice. Yeah. He never falls.

I thought for sure in the fight sequence at the end, we were gonna watch him fall. And all the King's soldiers and all the King's men would try and put him back together. But no. I want that egg dead. In the 145-minute long version, that's a 30-minute sequence. Maybe that's what they thought.

This is... So here's what's so weird though about the basic premise of the movie. So yeah, it is about this girl who is sort of a little mother in the house and doesn't have any interest in toys and doesn't want this sled that her older sister's getting her for Christmas because she doesn't really know how to play with her. She doesn't want kids stuff. I thought that the sled was shitty.

No, Paul. No, I think she doesn't want kids stuff. Oh, I was like... Well, that's what the movie's saying. I wouldn't want a sled either. It's just like you're not gonna like it because... Or she says something like you're not gonna like it because it's fun or something like that.

Oh, I thought she was like... It was like the equivalent of socks. I don't think so. Like who wants a sled? What? I want a sled. You want a sled? I'd like a sled right now.

You want... As a kid, you're like, here's a sled. Yes, Paul. You need to go to Toiland. What are you talking about? Yeah, of course. What did you want? A typewriter?

What are you talking about? A sled is a gift that you get the normal part of the year. I don't give that to me as a gift. You're getting... What? You're getting a gift during the normal part of the year? Wow, wow, wow. Hey, I'm a fat boy, bro.

I want a sled. We'll go sledding. A sled is like... You don't go like... Here's your Christmas gift as a sled. Paul. I'll be honest. What?

I am blown away right now. There's actually like nothing that's more fun and childlike and free. And more of the season. Yeah. I mean, if you're... Especially where we all grew up. In the summertime?

There's snow on the ground. Oh, here's your fourth of July sled. It's like... In soy America's independence. It's like getting a pool floaty for Christmas. Like, hey. No, it's not. It's not at all like that.

It's not at all like that. There's a blizzard in this town. It's great. You could literally go outside. What are you talking about? The sled is immediate use. You can use it immediately. She didn't know it.

She didn't know it. She didn't know what a sled was. What? No, she didn't know there was going to be a big storm. They live in Sinsey, baby. Of course there is. How's that going to snow? How's that going to snow?

And then there should be a lyric. Because since you're so snowy, you need a big old fucking sled. You know, like, they should have that line. I think, honestly, this pandemic has affected us all in different ways. Of all the things you could disagree with, a sled being a good Christmas present is the worst take of all.

It's 86. Get me one of those Nintendo robots with double disks and dudes of fucking thing. Get me that Robi robot. Get you a Robi. Wow. Look at you. Because you're like, I can get a sled any time I want.

Oh, big deal. You got me a sled. Thank you. Whoa. I feel like you're talking about a sled as though it's like hardware or something. Yes. It's like a vacuum.

It's a hammer. It's not. It's like a tool. I got you a dust bus. Here's the deal, people. Here's the deal, okay? Here's what I want to say about the premise of the movie. So I think we are in the world of the movie.

We're supposed to think that sled is a great, joyful gift for a child. My issue. A child that is predisposed to think, in Paul's thinking, it's not that good of a gift. Yes. Right? That's what the sisters do.

Now I will say I share some similarities through Barrymore's character. I know. And this is going to get real dark. Also, two, by the way, two harrowing childhoods. Yes. The details will haunt you. That is a show.

They will haunt you. That is a, I want, I will come and sit right there for you and Drew Barrymore on this stage trading childhood stories. That's the show. But my point is, it just got picked up by Quibi. The RIP. Just find out Quibi doesn't exist anymore. RIP.

By the way, I only realized halfway through the pandemic that it stood for quick bites. That was, and when that realization hit. Well, true. I mean, I got to just, if we talk about it, I just say the original name was Omakasa, which to me is like, Can you imagine?

Can you? You're watching a new show on Omakasa. What? Oh yeah. I'm, I'm in, yeah. Oh, the, oh, the sushi sampler platter. The chef's choice? Chef's choice?

Of sushi? Okay. To go back to the movie. Yes. So we are, we are meant to believe that she doesn't, she doesn't really experience joy within, with toys. And she's not really, she's really big on telling people she's 11.

She's not a kid anymore. And then. She has the phone. She's making dinner. But then at the end of the movie. There's one moment where you see her, where it just like. This isn't unspooled.

Okay. Not Amy Nicholson. We don't need to hear about noir. Oh, the lighting was just like a noir film. A noir film. Now in color. A very wilder's intention. I think when Howard hugs.

By the end of the movie, you know, the, the lesson is that she has to believe in toys again. Yes. And believe in the magic of childhood. Okay. But my issue with that is like, well, the fact that she doesn't, and the fact that she's older for her age,

inappropriately so, and called on to be this adult in the house. Paul, you're going to reveal too much about yourself. I mean, I thought that. That is an indictment on the parents in the home. Absolutely. That is not her fault. So it's a require that she believe.

No, no, that's okay. Yes, applaud. No. Applaud. Applaud. No. I think I, Where's the dad?

Absolutely right. The dad is absentee. I assume they were divorced or that he was dead. Yeah. But the dad is not present. The mom is not engaged, though sister has to go to work and Drew is doing the lion share of work.

Happily so. When the sister walks out of the house into a fucking blizzard with just a neon pink. Fucking killer outfit. Okay. Oh yeah. I'm going to carve out the next two hours

to talk about outfit. Do we have a picture of her outfit? It's like a beret. It's a pink jacket. It's nuts level stuff. It's a square. Yes. It's the widest jacket I've ever seen in my life.

It's a jacket that looks like a vagina with her head as the clitoris. And, and it's also, and then the, then the plastic. That might have been on the toys and Beyblades site. Sorry. I might have been looking at different things.

The sister, the sister works seemingly, like at a, like a five and dime. They call it a five and dime, but it's also says toys outside. So it's, it seemed like a five and dime toy store. I mean, my favorite moment is Richard Morgan, who I think is a great actor. So funny.

He comes in, he's like, I told you to push the bears. And she's like, I work in customer service. Like he's, like he's in a mammoth. Like he's doing mammoth. He's doing, yeah. He's like, push the fucking bears.

The motherfucking bears is what you need to push. I gave you the bear leads. Sell these fucking bears. Sell these bears. I couldn't tell if it was Christmas Eve. It was Christmas Eve. I mean, I was so shocked. My entire personality is pretty much based on

Golden Girls and Empty Nest. Just those two shows I, I have been created from. I watch them every night, back to back. Wow. So obsessed. Wait, what about Love Boat, which came on next? I don't think I could stay up for that.

So I only made it through Golden. Yes. Cause I watched those as well. Straight into Love Boat. Yeah. I could not go to Love Boat. Yeah. I stopped there, but I loved him so much.

I love that character so much to see him this way. It was pretty shocking for me. Yeah. Well, I mean, he is. I thought it was great. I thought it was great. Don't get me wrong. He is doing and yeah.

And for somebody who is not a great singer, I appreciated his song. What was his song? Oh yeah. Well, here we go. His song. Refresher, a monster piece. Here we go.

Oh yeah, that's right. Here we go. This is very dark crystal. It feels like the music isn't even sure it's a song. I agree. Like the people that are playing are like, I guess he's singing. It never opens up.

The songs never open. The songs do not further the plot at all, which all musical songs should. They should give you more access. I mean, we basically get a song that is just about Cincinnati. Yeah. And then monster piece. And then that.

And then there's another one that I don't even remember. They all kind of talked like they never start. Well, when they go to dub, like they go back to Pat Merida, when they go to dub his singing voice, I'm like, well, now it will be a good one. And it felt like someone doing an impression of a bad Pat Merida singing voice. It's like, oh yeah, I bet she's not a good singer.

I'll do that. Yeah. Nobody, I mean, I felt like everybody, I don't, I mean, I'm not even sure that was his singing voice, to be quite honest. That feels like right now. I don't know, I've assumed everybody was dubbed in this just because so many people seem to be being dubbed.

Keanu is dubbed for sure. Yes. Drew Barrymore is definitely dubbed. I mean, they go to this world. I mean, I want to talk about this world because we've been talking about some. Toilet? Toilet.

Which is the most monstrous place that you could ever possibly go. Like you said, it's the Wizard of Oz, except then instead of going to a fantastical world of Oz, she goes into a nightmare scape of storybook characters come to life, which are just this. And by the way, this is like a bear out of Wicker Man.

This bear is scary. Everybody's wearing like Sesame Street level costumes. You can frequently see the seams between their necks. You can frequently see human necks. It is. There's a lot of law enforcement in this town that don't seem to be doing much. And there's also, so we just saw before too,

like some of the characters are giving the physicality of like bears. And then others are just walking around. Yeah. I mean, they clearly built the frog head with the pipe in it because the pipe... I think it's Sherlock Frog. The classic fairy tale character.

Oh, you're right. Tom Stump, Sherlock Frog. That's Raggedy Hand. Raggedy Hand. Yeah. But who is the lion with a football jersey? I mean... When they would cut to a group shot,

that motherfucker... There's the bear... There he is. Oh, this fucking guy's trying to... I saw this and I was like, this guy's trying to get me. But here's the thing. While there are fully costume characters,

they're not going the cat's route where it's a human dressed as like an animal. Then there are just regular people that look like pilgrims or like they are... But they're all storybook characters. Yeah, they are, we hope. I mean, it's loose. I think they are all, you know,

meant to be from stories. You know, they are introduced as such... I mean, you know, this classic storybook character... Unsettling. That's the owl from the Tootsie Pop commercial, right? Old people like that joke. I mean, it's such a bizarre world. And there's the lion in the football jersey.

The toy soldiers do come out to play, which makes it interesting because... Oh, look at him. There he is. Oh, look at him. Oh, shit! Like, no matter... Oh, no!

Get him out of here! Oh, no! Get him out of here! I see you, Jason. No! That is haunting. That is the scale of that. That is haunting.

This, to me, is the closest thing that we could get to seeing Wes Anderson's nightmares. Yes. Like, this feels like when Wes Anderson dreams he sees this town and it scares him. Yeah. They're cute, but... It's so crazy, too,

because nobody ever asks her, like, how'd you get here? Yeah. You know? Well, by the way, I mean, she gets there... She doesn't seem to have many questions. And, like, even when... Either today, really.

Even at a point when she gets her driver's license is just a cookie. Right here. It says driver's license. Right here, I just want to show you. Stop it right here. That wooden soldier is crying. Yes.

Now, does that mean the sweat has come out of the actor through the costume? Is it sap? Or do the wooden soldiers have tear ducts? Like, what is this? Well, here's my other question. We see these wooden soldiers displayed in the town square.

Later on in the film, the Toy Master, uh, says, oh, what's in that closet? And he opens it up. They're all covered in dust and cobwebs. And he goes, they're my great... My greatest joy. So did the cobweb... Are they in a place where cobwebs form very quickly?

Did these escape? Something happened. And I was trying to follow it. Something happened where the wooden soldiers couldn't be released until there was... Until someone believed in toys. Someone believed in the toys. But these wooden soldiers are okay?

Well, this is the end of the movie, I believe. Yeah, this is... I thought this was the beginning of the movie, isn't it? Oh, no. Oh, okay. I think when... Definitely when the tear comes out, is it for the end of the movie.

That's the guy! Who is that? Who is that lion? Who's that football player? What story is that from? What is that? I'm Tick Buckus. I was a character creator for Dick Buckus,

a cartoon show when the Chicago Bears did. I genuinely was like, what the fuck is this guy doing here? And he's crying. And some animals in this movie do do like... Like a clench fist to eyeballs. I feel like they had a... I feel like they had a bunch of costumes,

and then they were like, can we just find other costumes? And so there's a bunch of mascots just blended in. Now, I will say, I watched this, so I watched half of the movie in a parking spot. And then I watched the other half with our youngest son. Oh, wow. And that was a different experience.

He loved all of this. He loved it. And when he saw the cookies coming out of that guy's hat, he said, I wish I could have a cookie in my hat. And then immediately after, I wish I had a hat. So, and loved Drew Barrymore,

loved her, loved her, loved her. And then our older son came in too. And also loved every second of it. So this movie has an audience. Yes. I'm here to report. Your kids are also huge Pete Rose fans. That's true.

I mean, let him be in the hall of fame, they say. This movie glorifies Pete Rose. And I'll tell you what this movie doesn't like. Like, this movie does not like people who are overweight. Because there are so many... Oh, so many fatty jokes. So many fatty jokes. And here's the thing.

This guy, Gooby, Googie, whatever his name is, Googie saves canneries from it. There's a jailbreak in this movie, a straight-up jailbreak. And in this moment, like, Googie saves them. And he's like... I wrote it down. Like, he says like... Do you mean Georgie Porgy?

Well, his name is Googie in the real world, right? Is it? Is it? Yeah. There's a character in this movie named Googie? Googie, yeah. So if his storybook character is going to be Georgie Porgy, why not have his name in the real world be George?

Sorry. His real name is Googie. Wait. The actor's name is Googie. You know what? That's it. Show's over. Thanks so much, you guys.

It was a great night. Thanks for writing that. Googie! It's not worth it. Googie Grass. The last episode of the podcast. Googie Grass is his name. Check it out.

What? We're done. Wrap it. What? Googie Grass. Googie? Googie Grass. Googie Grass.

Googie Grass plays Georgie Porgy. Hold on, I got to go back. Goo as in G-O-O-G-I. G-O-O-G-Y. Googie. Googie. Googie. Like the movie Googie.

Googie. Okay. And then the last name is Grass. Googie Grass. G-R-E-S-S. Googie Grass. Googie Grass. I'm done.

I have nothing to say for the ever. That's it. Googie Grass. You know Googie Grass, right? Wow. Wow. And that's an actor. It's like, if anyone can sort of change their name and get away with it.

Is it possible that it's Googie? I thought Googie Grass was actually the actor who played the friend in Teen Wolf, not the MTV show, the Michael J. Fox movie, but it's not. Oh, no, that's a different guy. Well, maybe it's not. No, he was Francis. Yeah, Francis. So you thought his real life name was Googie.

His real life name is Googie. No, I'm sorry. Georgie Porgy. Georgie Porgy. So Georgie Porgy. In the movie, in the real world in the movie. Is Georgie. It is Georgie, okay.

And then Georgie Porgy. And so when Georgie rescues Keanu in the fake world, he goes, wow, you're the size of three heroes now. It's like, motherfucker, just rescued you. You calm fat. Like, just be like, thank you, you're a hero. Like, you don't have to like make a... I think, isn't that kind of Georgie Porgy's thing?

What's the Georgie Porgy story? He has his finger and some pie. Right? Wait, but what else happened after that? What happened after that? Georgie weighs 17 and a half stone with a waist of 50 inches. And he's a constant source of... Are you on British Wikipedia?

It is. It's at dorkuk.com. Why are you measuring in stone? You're in America, baby! Where we can't stop dying! Yeah. Too dark? Too dark, really?

Oh, wait. Despite his larger size, Georgie also established for himself a rather poor reputation for his lusty romps with the fairer sex that involves several mistresses, leaving a string of illegitimate children when he was 23. What are you talking about? How is this a story book? I guess Georgie is based on a real person. Oh, oh, I see what you're saying.

Yeah. I get it now, okay. Yeah, okay, so I guess he was based on Edward I. George Porgy? Edward I. Okay, anyway. Or King George IV. I can't get into this British Wikipedia.

It's too complicated. Everything's left to right. I'm not gonna lie. I still haven't recovered from Googie. I will never. I'm just thinking about it. I have to take off my blazer. I'm not present.

Oh, God. Now, I will say, I do want to talk about Eileen Brennan's performance, and I was hurt that you thought I was on Burson because I was obsessed with her performance. So good. She's obsessed with it. And she said she would in hard times sell some of the children. That made me laugh so hard. I mean, yeah, I got it right here.

I mean, yeah, she really like lays it down. She's so good. And to be clear, if you haven't seen Private Benjamin, do yourselves a God damn favor and watch Private Benjamin. Goldie Hawn, Eileen Brennan, next level. Go ahead, Paul. When she says, there's a great line in here, too, where she says, like, my mom had too many, my mom had too many kids.

So it grew out of the boots. Sorry, let me find out. Out of the shoe and into a pair of boots. Yeah, I thought that was very funny. You just have a list of jokes you liked. At a certain point, I was enjoying the movie. I was just like my children. I was enjoying every moment of it.

I was like, that's fun. I would like to go to that jail. I mean, by the way, this other thing about Toyland is it is also a Hollow Earth movie because everything in this movie, there's so much underground passages. So much tunnels. So many tunnels. I had a question, though. Were the tunnels, was that, okay.

So the bad guy, Barnaby Barnacle, lives in a bowling ball. Is that a story? No, right? I don't think Barnaby Barnacle is a thing. I want to make sure. Okay. I love that, though. That was great.

I thought that was great. I liked the look of somehow an ominous giant. Wish it had rolled down at some point. They threaten it. They say sometimes it does roll down and crash houses. And then I guess it goes back. That was Chekhov's bowling ball house. You don't put a bowling ball at the top of the hill unless it's going to roll down.

You want to see that bowling ball take out those cars at the end instead of that one character suiciding himself. What I couldn't understand was they seem to establish two different places of evil, which is the underground caverns that they seem to exist in and the dark forest beyond. Right, but we never really get to the... I felt like the dark forest beyond was actually... Why are they the same? Well, I don't think there is a dark forest.

This is interesting. I don't think there is. The labyrinth. I think that he was using that as a way of sort of keeping everyone there. But I don't think there was actually... There were just gates. June, let me ask you this. Where is Pat Merida getting all that evil from?

I don't know. I mean, that's the thing. Pat Merida is a collector of evil. But I have a theory. Yes. I have a theory. At the end of the movie, it seems to posit that Pat Merida, the Toymaster, is in fact Santa Claus. Who is wearing a Mrs. Claus outfit, no judgment.

Yes. Just need to underline that that was a choice. Okay, one of our kids goes, where's his hat? I was like, well, I don't know. It's not there. So you think that's a Mrs. Claus? It's definitely a Mrs. Claus. It is?

Yes. I've got a very forward thinking. Very cool. Gender-neutral Santa. I'm into it. I fully believed that was Santa. Because I'll be honest. If I'm Santa, why would I ever wear a hat?

It's going to blow off. Hood all the way, baby. I got to tell you, this Santa is a little two hands on for me. Because his little minions, everyone's got minions in this town. His minions are like, Toymaker, how do we fix this doll? He's like, oh, you got to put eyes on it. If they don't know the basics. If Santa's got to put eyes on all the dolls, shit's gone south.

He has not taught them the right thing. But he is Santa masquerading as a Toymaker? I think he's both. I don't know. I think he is one in the same. To the world, he's like, I'm Toymaker. But then he's like, but I'm also Santa. I feel like it's like it's like, it would almost be like if Superman was also the flash.

It's like my secret identity is Superman, but I'm the flash. It's like, wait. Well, no, because they say earlier that he's making all the toys for Santa. For Santa. Right. So that would imply that the flash works for Superman. Well, yeah, I'm not going to get into specifics of the DC universe, but I'm going to say this.

I would love to. Listen, I'd love to drill down on this. I don't want to believe that Santa has a collection of evil things. Well, yes. Sorry. Sorry. But the way is in his experiences as Santa, he comes in contact with evil, takes it and puts it in the urn.

Hold on. In the world. In the world. Because he goes into the real world. He goes into our world. He says, I've heard of Cincinnati. You know how I go there and I deliver presents. And so in our world, he encounters evil.

And so he bottles it up. But how does he encounter evil? Like, because it's like, does he go out and crime fight? Or is he just like, does he just have an urn open? Or is he like, let me drive around here. Give me that movie. Give me that movie. Let me hang out.

Because there is something. That's what I'm saying. That's a different movie. Pat Merida is the Toymaster. He has a collection of evil. Where did you unleash upon? It is a good question. Have other people, because nobody seems phased when Drew Barrymore,

a human child arrives in Toyland. Nobody seems like, what are you? Or who are you? Or where are you from? Or whatever, even though she is from Cincinnati. There isn't an idea of good or bad until we reveal that. And how is Barnaby Barnacle evil? Also, shouldn't this movie end with him being redeemed?

It's like the Grinch, but he doesn't win. Yes. He's like the Grinch or the villain of the story. But for it to be a Christmas movie, he should be filled with, he should be redeemed, not banished to the bad forest. Or with all of his demons. Or he's banished in that world. But in real life, he's learned his lesson at the Five and Dime.

We don't get that either. We don't get that. But wait, but hold on. Now I need to ask you a question that I may have missed. She didn't really shoot out the back of that G. Yes, she did. Oh, she did. Okay.

Yeah, definitely. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. What did you think happened? I mean, okay, I thought that she was cooking by stirring that pot and then she fell asleep and imagined everything on her couch. So you imagine, you don't think she left the house? Yeah.

Oh, so you think she went to sleep? You thought when the static happened. Well, the Wizard of Oz, she's in a tornado. Yes, but it wasn't like, yes, but. Wait. Yes, but. Well, hold on. Do you agree, Paul, that in the Wizard of Oz.

I do. Dorothy is in a tornado. Yes, but here's my thought is that she was in like a winter storm and the power went out in her house and she like, the antenna fell or like we don't know what the reason is, but she conked herself out. She had this vision of her going to her sister's door. We saw her conk herself out by jumping out of the back of a Suzuki sidekick on a sled and hitting a tree.

But then we're like at the end of the movie. Okay. This is the end. Okay. This is my thought. Sorry. I mean, I know I'm wrong. But I will.

This is shocking. Because I just thought that like the movie is very much about child endangerment. Well, okay. But like, so she like, okay, there's Santa. Drew Barrymore. This is the age where Drew Barrymore would only star in movies in which something flies in front of the moon. They were like, we got to get that ET shot.

We got to get that ET shot in here. Well, I guess in my thought was like when she wakes up on the couch, she's not bruised. She's not bandaged. She's not in a hospital. This child flew out of the back of a Jeep. She is concussed. Well, out of bare minimum.

She shouldn't be allowed to sleep. You should be like, oh my God, I flew out of the back of the Jeep. I only got a concussion. Like that would be like, yeah. But you know what my thought was? Because I was concerned about that too. They are worried about her. The mom says that we're really worried about you.

Barely. But is Googie there? But Googie is there. Googie is there. But the little brothers in bed, they took the time to put the brother in bed. Brother in bed? They should be in the hospital.

They should be to blizzard. They're not supposed to be driving. So they went and found her body. Also, they brought it back to the house. I think they were close to home. Okay. Here's what I want to say. So when Drew Barrymore, again,

11 years old left home alone on Christmas Eve. Okay. Maybe that's the world we're living in. Okay. Where mom's getting changed on the tire. The telephone line goes down. And the antenna falls off the roof. And the antenna for the TV.

The electricity doesn't go out. The TV and the phone. She puts on her winter coat and walks to the toy store where her sister lives. So they are in walking distance. Wait, not lives. I mean, he's working. He's working.

He's working. You know what I mean. But she's also with her sister. She just walks there. An 11 year old can walk there. So then if Keanu Reeves is like, I'll drive you guys home. It must be like right there.

It must. Why do they drive so long? So many verses. So many verses of the song. They should, they should be able to. C-I-N-N. We're here. Here's the thing.

Suzuki Samurai can only make right turns. So it does take a longer time. I thought, I thought they were setting up that she walked a really long time to get to that 5 and 9 store. Because that's how much of a little adult she is. That's it. That would make sense.

I, in my mind, I was like, oh, it's small town America. They, she lives 10 minutes from the store or something, you know, the equivalent of. Yeah. She never left that house. That's an absurd statement. She never left that house.

Wait, wait, wait. You think she got. That's an absurd. She had a, sure. So a concussion fantasy is different than like, I fell asleep on that house. It's the Wizard of Oz. But the same thing.

In the Wizard of Oz, she doesn't just be like, she can cut herself at home. She can cut herself at home. The house flies away. She can cut herself at home. So you think the concussion is creating the fantasy not to sleep? Yes.

Nah. I mean, or she's dead. We got it. We got it. All right. All right. So all right. All right.

Let me ask you guys this. What did you think about the big fix when they're all getting poisoned by gas? And, and they say. I cannot believe we haven't even talked about that. They're getting poisoned by gas. And what they. This is, this is, this is nuts.

They, they say, don't breathe it in. And if you breathe it in the gas is the personification of evil. So to breathe it in, we'll turn them into ghouls or the minions of the Barnaby barnacle. Right? Those grottoes that he traveled. We get to see those monsters later on.

Correct. But the crazy thing is they're all yelling at each other to not breathe it in. Correct. And. And doing so are just breathing it in. And then. Much like all of us in here tonight.

And then Drew Barrymore's solution is, hey, if we can't breathe it in, let's all sing. Because I'm from Cincinnati and Cincinnati has, like she says, I'm immune to the evil gases. I immediately, she goes, cause I'm from Cincinnati. That was not like, cause I'm not from your world. Not for, it was like, not, it was just cause I am from Cincinnati.

Then she goes on. The movie because Barnaby Barnacle is also obsessed with her. He only calls her, what is it? Like since, since it's a wadi or since a wadi. Yeah. Since a wadi. Since a wadi.

Thank you. He only calls her since a wadi. She's constantly saying Cincinnati. It's as if Cincinnati is a protective barrier or. Yeah. In another way of saying it, a good thing. Which I have an issue with. Now.

When she has to do here to save them is not only have them breathe in more poison gas, but also teach them the song. They already know it. They know it in their hearts. Yeah. They know it in their hearts. Don't breathe it. Just don't breathe it.

Just fight it. You're mad. Who told you so? Nothing's happening to me. I guess I'm immune cause I've read Cincinnati. Yes, Cincinnati. They called me and help keep your mom straight. I come from C-I-N-C-I-N-A-T-I Cincinnati.

The best home in O-H-I-O-O-H-I-O-R-S-A. Come on. You're doing us a good new album. Hold on. It's good inside here. The name is Cincinnati. So they say. How does he know the lyrics?

I'm sorry. Every actor in that scene deserves an Oscar. Yes. A then. What must have it been like to shoot this movie? On a process level, you're sitting in your chair. You're waiting. Everybody's dressed up in their weird costumes.

And you're like, do you know all the lyrics to the Cincinnati song? Let's rehearse it one more time. I'm still working. And also like trying to figure out like what level of monster are you going for? Yeah. So like we're in the same movie.

You know, we all have to like figure out what that's going to be. And by the way, they did. They did. I mean, when he goes. It's Cincinnati. And the sister. The sister does it.

The same thing. They even goes harder into turning into evil. And then so does Googie. Googie does it the best because Googie is the one that you think he's going to lose it. Cincinnati. Somehow. I don't know what it is yet, but somehow Googie is the

t-shirt. I don't know how. I see that guy's face. Just Googie. That's it. I'm also like what? Give me that Googie. Googie is not on the birth certificate.

So what? I'm like my mind is racing. Like what? What is his Christian name? Like what? It's Frank. Frank. Hold on.

Hold on. Somebody said it here. What? It's Frank. You're right. No, it's Francis. Googie Gress born as Francis Gress Jr. Is Googie a common nickname that we've just never heard?

Does anyone in this room know a Googie? He was on the show Charm. Is there a Googie here? He was on Charm. He was on Charm. Is Googie here? Ladies and gentlemen, Googie. Googie.

All right. Guys, I have how it came up. Francis Gress Jr. was born in Brooklyn, New York. And as an infant, his father called him his Googie baby. That became Googie. And he was raised in Connecticut where there's a state law that if you have a stupid nickname, it's stuck. That's what he says in interviews.

And he, yeah, that's it. Holy cow. To introduce yourself that way. All right. That's... Wow. That is like... He lives here in Los Angeles.

Let's get him. Let's get Googie. Find Googie. Bring him to us. Wolf have to fight off his wife and three kids, Clara, Frank and Gus. But besides that, we can get him. Yes, he's married to the love of his life, Clarinda LaRoss. But we can get him.

We will raise those children as our own. You know what? Let's see if anyone has some questions. This audience has a lot of information about Googie. A lot of questions about the movie. So if you have a question, raise your hand. And by the look of you, I'll see. Yeah, right down here.

You raise your hand first. What's your question? Hi. Do you get a very weird sexual image? It was around the entire movie with young women. This is great. Okay. So I'm going to repeat it just because there's no mic there.

Is there like a weird innuendo that we're getting about child brides? I would go so far as to say it is not an innuendo. It's not one at all. It's a clean fact. Let me be clear. It is not subtext. It is text. Yeah.

The text of this movie is old men want to fuck young men, marry young girls. Child brides. I mean, let's, I mean, now I know we teased it. I just feel like we have to play as this letter scene. I think the only reason why it's so fun is because he's so good. Hi there, beautiful. Hi. I've been watching you with the teddy bears.

What do you think you're running here? Charity bizarre? The merchandise was faulty. There was no refund. The customer took a punching bag and the exchanger was quite satisfied. One thing I can say for you, Angela, is you're a person of merchandise. It is by no means faulty. But when I say push the teddy bears, I mean push the teddy bears.

Clear? I'm not a salesperson, Mr. Barney. I'm customer service and I was doing my job. Doing your job is pleasing. Me, which in your case would not be difficult. You know what I mean? No, I don't. You know, for a smart looking girl, you're really pretty dumb.

Don't you know it's better business to be nice to the boss than to some pretty stock boy with his fingers in the tail. Wow. I didn't like how he said fingers in the tail. Ooh, what a villain, what a villain. All right, anybody else? Anybody else? Yeah, right here, yes.

The movie was shot in West Germany in 1986 and at one point they built a wall and then the trolls lost their lives. Do you think it predicted the fall of the Berlin Wall? Great question. Great question. Let me repeat it because we have it. That's so good. I mean, is that why Humpty Dumpty didn't fall off? Oh, oh, oh.

Do not bring him up. In 1986, the movie was filmed in Germany and in the film, they burst through a wall to this movie predict the fall of the Berlin Wall. Well, that's why Georgie Porgy at one point says, Mr. Barnacle, tear down this wall. It was weird that they shot that lion in an NFL jersey as he tried to run past the wall. All right, anybody? Yeah, okay, yes, yes.

Did you hear the implication when the military said that it's always daylight? And they always seem to keep cookies in case. Okay, what was the first part of that? It's always daylight. But you said something before that, right? Did you hear the implication? Okay, got it. So what is the implication of it always being daylight?

I wrote that down too. That doesn't seem like a pleasant thing. That seems like what you like a torturous. Hell on earth. I'm assuming that for the storybook characters, it doesn't matter. But for Drew Barrymore's character, she needs to sleep. It's like Insomnia, that Robin Williams remake. But here's the thing also, she said that cookies are everything.

Cookies are currency, they're also cookies, and they're also driver's licenses. So, like, how do you know if you're eating a cookie? Cookies are everything in this world. Cookies are currency, cookies are drive, it's everything. And the cakes that they're making, we lost six months of cakes, but it doesn't seem like cakes would have that long of a shelf life. You shouldn't be out there for six months. Yeah, it doesn't look like a refrigerated area at all.

No, I would agree with that. Oh, I mean, let's be very clear. The cookie factory is not up to code at all. The cookie factory seems to be making cakes. Also, so many trap doors. Every building is full, is dripping in trap doors. Don't touch them, you're pointing me. There was a roach, like the end of a joint?

Like a real roach. There was a roach in the cookie factory. Yeah. Oh, so, yeah, so we're, yes, we saw that there's an actual roach in the movie. An actual roach in the movie. I didn't realize you were saying I was right, I agree with you, I am right. Yeah, over here, yeah, what do you got? For the two actors that look like riffraff with a hunchback,

you think that both of those actors audition for the same part and the director is like, I just got to have a vote. It is interesting, so Richard Mulligan's character is surrounded by, I call him two Nosferatu's. Like they're on either side of the- Or Nosferatu. Ooh. They are-

Or Nosferatu's. They are identical, they don't do anything different, except for the one suicides himself in the car chase, which is he jumps out of the car like dumb and fast and furious, but to no end, just to the ground. I don't know why. I'll pay $10,000 for those two characters to be in Fast and Furious 10. Without any explanation or explanation.

That's the Toronto Brother. They come out of Toyland, to Fast and Furious 10 goes to Toyland, they get in those little cars, they drive around, and then they bring them into the real world. Boom. I'm still shocked. It's one thing seeing Drew Barrymore in a little car,

she's so young, but to see Richard Mulligan. In a little car that sounds like bubbles, and like old Hannah Barbera, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It definitely had banana splits vibes. Yeah, for sure. And they're all driving around a town square, like there's nowhere to escape,

even when Keanu Reeves escapes from the jail, he's not under any disguise, he just drives right through the centre of town. And at the end, when they're all racing, it seems like they're just racing through like a block. They're just like, you know, it's like, there's not much ground to cover. Like just get out of your car and you'll catch them.

Yeah, just walk. Well, yeah. Well, yeah, the cars don't go fast, and they're being driven by children. And the other thing is, the car chase, our heroes all drive away. And what's left is Richard Mulligan and the Nosferatu's just are driving in circles around a building,

at each other, over and over and over, until they crash. So wait, no, let me just say something, because now I'm realising something. So the moral, there's a lot of morals to Christmas movies, right? There's, you know, like, whether it's like the most, to 8-bit Christmas, the most important part of the holiday is not the gift.

Thank you. It's about spending time with the people that you love. You know, whether it's, you know, the Grinch. Love, actually. It's about your wife getting a Johnny Mitchell CD instead of the thing, or trying to steal your best friend's wife, or going to America and sleeping with a bunch of random people.

All the love, actually, great holiday tropes. All the great bets, all the great people. But like here, the moral is, hey, kids, don't grow up too fast. Which is, by the way, but that's a fine, like, toy story, like, that's a fine moral. For kids? Well, but my problem is...

For 80s divorced kids. That's what this movie is about, I feel like. Absolutely, but my problem is, like, I don't know that this is by choice. I don't know that she wants to be this little adult mother figure in her home. She very much does it. I believe she has to be.

She says, quote, I always wanted to be a kid. That's devastating. What? That's devastating. That's a line Drew Barrymore at 11 years old crushes. Yeah, she does.

It rings true. It's devastating. I always wanted to be a kid at 11. I understood that. Do you want to believe Lisa? Yes, I do. More than anything. I guess life just may make her up too fast.

Although I do still have my teddy. I kept teddy. Did you hear that? Everybody, she kept her teddy. Yes, I kept my teddy. Now, what I really needed to see was when we were back in present day. I really needed to see that mom like clock this.

All of it. All of it. And think like, I'm going to make a few different choices. Change needed. The change of what happened in Toyland needed to be established in the Coda when she wakes up. Right? We would then understand her life would be made better.

She would be allowed to be a child. Hold on one second. I'm looking at this and going. She doesn't even get to be the hero of the story really. I mean, she helps. She helps. But it's like, it's not her story. It's like, well, I guess maybe that's Wizard of Oz too.

I mean, there's a world in which she comes back and says like, hey mom, I need help. I mean, honestly. Where's dad? And then the mom hugs her like good while hunting says not your fault. Yes. Not your fault.

Or it's something like the bear minimum we get in the movie is that she wakes up to have a feed. I'm saying bear, like the least. Not the bear. Not like the teddy bear. There's a lot of bears in the bed. And she looks past and there's a wooden soldier as one of the gifts on the thing and it like salutes her or whatever.

And that's basically it. It's like she still has a little bit of like the magic of these toys come to life or whatever. I'm just saying that she is the adult. She is ultimately the adult in toilet. It might as well have been she wakes up on the couch and her mom's like, I thought dinner was going to be ready. Yeah.

What were you mixing because you didn't clean the dishes? What's this? I heard you fell out of the back of a Suzuki sidekick. Yeah. Your father's going to be very upset when he finds us. He's coming back. Trust me. I wish I went to toilet.

If only you would be more responsible. Your father would come back. It's also interesting though. What's interesting to me is that they make her the middle child. The mediator. Yeah. Because she's not like like oldest daughter's powerful force in the house and usually take on that sort of like mother, mother like

energy in the household. But she's actually the middle child taking care of her older sister and making dinner for her younger brother. Her first question when she wakes up from a couch coma is where's Johnny? Where's the little brother? Where's the little boy? I can't remember what his name is.

Where's Johnny? She just woke up from a coma and is remembering because that wasn't even part of the, they weren't trying to find Johnny in the beginning. Like Johnny was with the mom. Mom was getting chains on her tires. That was fine. The mom was like, hey, look, I know it's snowing. I got a couple more errands to run.

I'll be back soon. Like the mom is not coming home. But you know, maybe what we're talking about is do we need hospitals? But again, it's the 80s. It's the 80s. They basically were like, walk it off. Pat Merida, Karate Kid just slapped his hands again. Concussions weren't a real thing.

You could get a couple of those. All right. Another question from the back. Anybody in from that? Yeah. Great. Yeah, you can say that. Is there any way where this traumatizes Johnny to basically develop the clothing

technology and replicas to save his family? Great idea. So people are hypothesizing, is this character the counter place prequel to what we saw in replicas where he must replicate his family? You know, I mean, I don't want to get too deep in the car accidents. No. Over there in the back. Yeah, right there.

Yeah. Okay. Two quick things. Sure. I'm from Ohio Cincinnati sucks. A woman from Ohio says Cincinnati sucks. Cincinnati sucks. Cincinnati sucks.

Cincinnati sucks. Cincinnati sucks. Cincinnati sucks. Cincinnati sucks. That's going in the podcast. Devon, keep it in. I hope we never put Cincinnati. Yes, for me.

So your whole argument that a sled is not this, like, influential and amazing. Yeah. One more rose bud. Oh. Okay. So someone's coming after me. This is a Duns fool. Not on school, folks.

Is that Amy Nicholson? We understand it, but that's not. Get out of here, Nicholson. Thank you, Amy Nicholson, for that. So she, she brings up. Now I have, I have an answer for that. Repeat the question. They're going to repeat the question.

She said, uh, Paul, you say that, you know, a sled is not influential. Citizen Kane rose, but she said rosebud. Citizen Kane reference. Here's what I'll say about that. When was Citizen Kane made? 1942. How old was Citizen Kane when Charles Foster came when he died? When was he born?

When was he born? Well, what's happening right now? Why are, let's just, let's just say. Why are you condescending to our audience? Yeah, they're. Let's just say this. They're hearing bad. Let's just say this.

Boom. Watching us. Are you yelling at us? Let's just say this. In 1911, a sled would be a big fucking deal. So I agree with you. Yes. If in 1911 I was 10 years old and I got a sled, I'd be like, oh my God.

The only thing for entertainment is newspapers. Yeah. It would be the fucking best. This is 86. We're talking Goonies in the movie theater. Nintendo's on our screen. Sylvester Stallone is killing Russians. You give me a fucking, fuck you and your sled.

Wow. Give me a nut gun. Give me laser tag. Give me a gift. Wow. Paul Scheer, the spirit of Christmas. Give me. Give me.

Give me. Wow. Did you ever, did you ever go? Yeah. I went sledding and guess what? The other kids have fucking sleds. And you take turns. Oh, so you're a fucking shredder.

Wait a second. So you never got one. So you never had one. I had a sled. I had a sled. It doesn't register with me because it's not that big a fucking deal. You were sled. You were sledless.

You were one of those sledless kids who was like, can I get a ride on your sled? Can I get a ride on your sled? Hey, I got next on your sled. Get ready, motherfuckers. I'll drop this on you. I had a horse drawn carriage. We bring that shit out in the winter and I didn't give a shit about it.

What does that mean? What are you talking about? A fucking sled to the horses. Oh, that's right. You had horses. So we would put on the fucking skis on the horse drawn carriage. We'd put skis on horses. That's not on the carriage.

That's not a sled. That's not a sled. I'm just saying, I got winter toys. That's not a toy. It's not a toy of giant mammals. Neither is a sled. This is insanity. I'm really upset.

I'm really upset. And I'm parenting with this person. Okay? We're the stewards of childhoods. And this is very scary. I'm like, that is, this is wild. These are wild takes, Paul. Anybody else got a question?

Yeah, right over here. Oh, I went here, but you go there. Were you hoping that Trollog would burst out of the trunk at the end of the show? I got to talk about this character. This is like a Trollog. This is like a dark crystal kind of character. It's a Henson-esque Muppet that is a Cyclops bird whose giant main eye is also a TV. And looks dead.

Dead. Like it is unsettling. It's like the difference between creating a Muppet and a statue with one moving part is light-years. But the thing is, and Richard Mulligan continues to use it in order to spy on Drew Barrymore and Keanu Reeves and the heroes of the story. So that's how he's staying ahead of them. But every frame in the movie, you're looking at the gross, cloudy eye of this puppet. And then like a TV screen is kind of superimposed onto it. It's disgusting.

It really is. And bizarre. And really, and this is where I was like, oh, I kind of am into this. I wish this had like a dark crystal. I wish these characters were more sketsies, more scary, more creatures. But they're not. Again, you see all the seams and all the weirdness. And yes, you're right.

They put him in a box. They put him away. Of course Trollog should come back. And maybe even help defeat his owner or his... But that's not about turning the tide. It's just about... It's not about that. It's just about him being banished.

Nobody gets converted in a Christmas movie into feeling the power of Christmas or believing in toys. Like a Barnaby Barnacle should be. It should be him that believes in toys again so that the movie can resolve. It doesn't need to be Drew Barrymore because he is the equivalent of someone who's not interested in it. I agree. He's the villain, right? Oh, actually, I just had a thought about something. Is it about sleds are awesome?

Well, June, your movie, A Bit Christmas. Is it getting that movie on a sled? Doubling down. No. What does he want? A Nintendo. Nintendo 1986. Here are some of the toys that came out in 1986.

Fucking Nintendo. That's a toy. My pet monster had it. That's a toy. My buddy had it. That's a toy and a friend. Quick question. Quick question for you, Paul.

Omnibot 2000 had it. Toy. Do you think that Mary, working at the five and dime, can afford a fucking Nintendo for her sister? She could maybe afford Photon. She gives half of her salary to pay for the sled. Photon was a generic toy to laser tag. It was cheaper than laser jack and I had Photon. Anyway, I had a lot of these 1986 toys.

Now, are you just using this to flex? Teddy Ruckspin had it. I had it. I had a phone. This is sad. So sad. You're going to share a costume. Had it.

Wanted it. Why do you have that bookmarked? Why is that so accessible to you? That list of toys you had in 1986. And I'm not going to, by the way, what I'm not going to do tonight is I'm not going to go back. I'm thinking sleds are cool. Okay.

I do. I think sleds are great and awesome and a lovely gift. What I'm also going to say though is that this is her sister. This is her older sister. This isn't, she's not going to get like the thing of her dreams necessarily. This sister works at the five and dime. Yes. And this is a lovely thing for an older sister to get a younger sister.

Especially a younger sister who she feels like is behaving too responsibly. She wants to give her, she wants to give her a toy, something to have fun with, something to exactly leave the house and stop doing the work. Say come on. Whoa. Misogynist. Now we see. Put her in the kitchen.

Double. So she understands. Double her. Don't let her have an adventure toy. Give her a practice oven for her future life. I was like, let's get her a toy so she can make more food for the family. Not because she's not because. Wow.

Wow. They need to eat. This is, this is really like regular. Clearly I'm right. There's other opinions out there. I see your true colors. Second opinion. All right.

We have placed this microphone down here on stage. We have had two people coming up here. What's your name? My name is Anna. Give it up for Anna. All right. Here we go. It is now time for second opinions.

Drew Barrymore wakes up in Toyland where she teams up with friends and family to overthrow Barnaby. 5.4 out of 10 stars on IMDB. Does it sound forgetful? Well, it was made for TV. Mulligan, Brennan and Reeves, let's go. Largo Christmas show. Pat Merida has the toys ready to go.

Giddy up, giddy up, sick in opinions thrive on how did this get made live. Babes in Toyland 2021 and we made it out alive. Yes. Beautiful. Amazing. Amazing. First person back, hit it out of the park. Very stunning.

Thank you so much. Next one, come on up. Great work. Beautiful voice. My God. All right. What's your name? I'm Natalie.

Natalie, welcome. That's great. You were saying it was perfect. I love your stellar skateboard shirt. All right. Natalie, take us away. It is now time for second opinions. I'm dreaming of a crap movie just like the ones I used to watch where the Humpty Dumpty's

don't fall. Tell me what's the point of it all. Beautiful. Amazing. Thank you so much. That was amazing. Great work. Wow.

That was fantastic. That was fantastic. Guys, I just had a moment of panic. What? That I was like, oh, shit. Am I recording this because we've been doing it at home on Zoom so much? I was like, I didn't, I don't think I hit record. I don't think I hit record on QuickTime.

I literally had that. We have our amazing, our amazing position. Give it up for Devon. Give it up for Devon. Give it up for Devon. Give it up for Devon. Give it up for Devon. Give it up for Devon.

Give it up for Devon. Devon, are you recording this? Jason and June, I normally do second opinions. What is this? Are you okay? Are you about to propose? I just want you to know, and this is for everybody in the audience and for you both to know, you don't know what's about to happen.

Oh, I'm scared. I'm like surprised as hell. What did you do? But I'm not going to do second opinions today. I'm not going to do second opinions today. Is it a googie cameo? I have a very special guest doing our second opinions. So here we go.

Okay. Take it away, Drew Barrymore. Oh, hello, June. Jason and Paul. How are you guys? I'm so excited to do this with you. Let's read some reviews, shall we? For the obscure masterpiece, Babes in Toyland.

By the way, Keanu Reeves was just here and he sends you all his best. All right. Lynn M. Hansen writes, subject line, Drew Barrymore. That's right, Drew Barrymore. Drew Barrymore does a great job in this remake of Babes in Toyland. It is not my favorite, but it is very good. And then five stars. I don't think that's where that review was going, but okay.

Ben writes, I remember being scared of this movie when I was a kid. Those creatures and those two evil sidekick dudes really creep me out. So I just watched it again about 30 years since seeing it as a kid. And I'm happy to report that it's just as creepy as I remembered. I will update my review in another 30 years when I watch it again to see if it's still as terrifying. Five stars. Jay Pensien writes, I absolutely love this movie.

I absolutely love this movie to death, but it's only on VHS. It's one of the best versions of Babes in Toyland, in my opinion. If anyone knows how to get this in DVD form, let me know. I'd do anything to find it. Let me know. It would really make my holiday and year. And if you haven't seen this movie and still have a VHS, buy it ASAP. Why are you still reading?

Buy it now! Five stars! I'm just going to go on record and say I had no idea that anyone knew about this movie. It's exciting to see that anybody gave it a five star review. And I bet there are a lot of one star reviews out there of it as well. And I'd be interested in seeing those too. But as the person who was in this movie, when I was 11 years old, we shot it in Munich, Germany for six months. And we just had the best time ever.

It was actually really fun. And I don't know, all I can say is that I give you guys, June and Paul and Jason, five stars! Oh my God, I love her so much. Drew Barrymore. Incredible. Wow, that was a surprise. Incredible.

My Christmas gift to you both. Thank you so much. Okay, I love her so much. And I just love her so much. And that is watching this movie. I was like, God, she's so winning. And so is Keanu. Like watching the two, those two child faces in this movie,

it really does make it so watchable. And I just want to say something too. I spent all of yesterday writing a script for Drew and Keanu because they were going to do it together. Their interview ran too long and he had to run to another event. So it's the last second. He had signed off on it. He had done it.

We had them going back and forth with different reviews. But the fact that they are both still into it and friendship. I love them both. And that they're both still thriving. Yes. They are thriving. God, are they ever. Take talk, Mr. Wick.

They're both thriving. And I will say this, the movie is just absurd. And an absolute cavalcade of nonsense. But it's watchable because they are so good. As is Pat Merida. As is, and I'm forgetting the actress who plays Mary, her sister. Who's great. As is Ellen Burstin.

As is Jerry Orbach. As is... Nobody puts baby in the corner. But listen, that's what makes the movie work. Because if it didn't, it would be unwatchable. And as it is, it is delightfully unwatchable. Because you're like, what the fuck? Six months.

Six months. Six months in Germany. Doing what? Six months. The whole movie takes place on a pile of dirt. 145 minutes. That's two hours and 25 minutes. That was the original cut.

Now, here's the thing. You were talking. Thank you, Paul. That was a real trip. That was incredible, Paul. That was a surprise and a real treat. June and I, no idea. Just so you guys know.

No idea. Just a surprise. Loved it. Yeah, I was not surprised. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Googie. But I will say this. People are saying, you know, is this a prequel to Keanu Reeves' character in Replicas? It's not, but it is responsible for Keanu Reeves learning how to ride a motorcycle.

He did not know how to do it. He wanted to learn. He paid a woman there in Munich to learn. He ride a motorcycle in this? No. Just while he was there. The six months that he was there. And he now owns a motorcycle company.

Yes. This movie literally started that love of motorcycles. He liked motorcycles, but he learned. And when he came back from this movie, his first purchase was a motorcycle. Wow. And like we said, this movie came out in 1986. It's rated G. It's rated G, but there he is at the end, a saving private Ryan level of violence.

The wooden soldiers come out with guns and cannons that don't shoot like silly string or something fun and story timey. They shoot bullets and cannonballs. Yeah. You got it. I mean, look, there's some harsh realities here. That also speaks to Drew's character's mind. She wasn't going to envision funny confetti.

True. Bullets. True. The tagline of this movie. A commentary on the Vietnam War. The quagmire of Toyland. The tagline is a kind of a clunker. You must truly believe in toys, which kind of gives away the ending if that's your tagline.

My question about that is the idea that belief in toys. Toys. Not toys. Not humanity. Not love. Not the Christmas spirit. And also not here. It's a toy story.

It is about the toys and it isn't. You know, it's also about imagination. And that's also what they're missing here, which is the idea that you just believe in an inanimate object. Like, that's not what we are believing in. We're believing in what children can make up in their own minds. And the stories we can tell. Stories is almost more what it would be.

The belief of the Christmas spirit or the story of Christmas or the generosity or the whatever. Not that the toys themselves. She doesn't leave with an actionable thing. Like, she doesn't go back, like she goes back home or awakes from her coma, however you want to view it. And, and says, I now believe in toys, which I don't think that's going to change the day to day.

No, it's not. Like, I still think that the mom's going to be like, we need food on the table. I got to go run some more errands with your little brother. He wants to be a commercial actor. We got to get him out there for auditions. Did you really, like, did you feel like for you, you connected with her character a lot as having not had a real childhood? I will say this.

When you were, and I mean, I mean, this is a very sincere way. When you were, when you were talking about that wasn't normal, like her answering the phone and cooking dinner, I was like, really? Like that, like that didn't seem, like that didn't seem bizarre. Like none of that stuff read weird. It was like, yeah, she's just a kid. Like, I was like, so that she's just a kid who's got to get dinner done on time and make sure the little brother's taken care of.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, that stuff seemed normal. She also does that thing where she's like, ring, ring, ring. Hi, Mom. Hi, how are you? Like where she just immediately launches into conversation. Top three movies, 86, Top Gun, Crocodile Dundee, The Karate Kid Part Two. The other movies from 86, From How Did This Get Made, Cobra, Howard the Duck, and Maximum Overdrive and Rad.

So there's a big mirror for How Did This Get Made. Would you recommend people see babes in Toyland? I would. I would too. I absolutely would. Yeah, I think so. It's wild. It's wild.

I would argue that like, not only do I want people to see it, but I want people to see it in a volume that demands that we get the longer cut. The 145. I want the 145 in the same way that I want Peter Jackson's 15 hour cut of Get Back. There is on YouTube, the 145 is on YouTube and he's like, yes. Hold on. What? It was a six month shoot.

145, two hours and 20 minutes. Can I interrupt for one second? Did anybody here watch the 145? Raise your hand. Don't go crazy. No? You're rational people. Okay.

You're people from LA. You have other things to do. That's like, Quibi was invented. I'm just curious if someone had, I was curious, what did they see? Well, basically there's a couple of reviews that I read where people were a little bit more excited about, there's some better songs. They felt like the better songs were left on the cutting room floor. Interesting.

But again, those are people leaving five star reviews for babes in Thailand. So I'm not really judging their taste as an arbiter of mine, but I will say this much. What I love about this movie is, and we talked about this before, like whether it's like Valerian in a thousand planets or Jupiter or ascending, whatever we watch. It's like, I like fucking weed, like this is a kid's movie, like they will never make like a movie this weird. You'll never have the peering, Humpty Dumpty like, yeah. Oh, by the way, just while we're at it, someone go home, make that GIF.

Yeah. GIF. GIF. Make that GIF. I want that GIF of Humpty Dumpty peering out. Put it up on the, whatever. Well, we have done it. It's our first live show back.

Felt great. Jason, June, I'm tall John. Holy shit. A big thank you to Devon up in the booth, our producer, Molly Reynolds, our producer, Cody Fisher. All the people who make this work, Averill Halley for finding this movie and sticking with it for three years, Nate Kiley, who does all of our amazing research. And now I will say this, Jason and July Diaz, July Diaz, who is our MVP, our person who

listens through the whole thing, always getting Kyle Waldron and of course Zach McElise, who goes to Craig Teen Elson Instagram, who does all of our art. Jason, June, what do we want to promote? What do we want to talk about? I don't need to plug anything. I just want to say I'm just so happy to be here and thank you for wearing your masks and coming out and I'm just thrilled to be at a live show. It's been so much fun.

I was going to say the exact same thing. I was just going to say thank you, the live audience, for coming to this show and welcoming us back because I'll be honest, there is nothing, literally nothing that I have missed more than standing on, sitting on stage with you guys, talking to you fucking idiots about some piece of nonsense. True. It is. And so this is incredible.

Yeah. Thank you for making this happen. And I want to add, I want to add one more thing to that, which is I want to thank the amazing staff here at Largo, who run such an amazing theater, they put on amazing shows, they take care of people. Because one of my big fears when the pandemic happened and we talked about Flannie and Largo so much because I was so, we were so terrified about what was going to happen to this space and they just run a beautiful theater here and I am so, I walked in and I wanted to cry

because I'm so thrilled that they're here and encourage you all to continue to support the other shows that are here. I'm sure you do, but please check them out. It's a miracle. They make it a safe environment. And I'm so glad that they're still here. This is our home, so please support our home. Be nice to all these people, come back and see shows, like we said, Jason and I, we perform

improv here. You can check it out. It's Dinosaur. But thank you for being here. Thank you for coming. Yes. And thank you for being you. Babes in Toyland forever.

We will now pose for a picture. Okay. We'll give you a picture.