How Did This Get Made? - Matinee Monday: Dragon Blade (w/ Daniel Radcliffe & Erin Darke)

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

Daniel Radcliffe (Weird: The Al Yankovic Story, Harry Potter) and Erin Darke (Miracle Workers, Moonshine) join Paul and Jason to break down the 2015 action flick Dragon Blade starring Jackie Chan, Adrian Brody, and John Cusack. They discuss the fact there is no dragon blade in the movie, John Cusack's American accent, how arrows do amazing things, and much more. (Originally Released 02/14/2019) HDTGM is coming to NYC on Nov 15th! Go to hdtgm.com to buy tix, merch, and for more on bad movies.Order Paul’s book about his childhood: Joyful Recollections of TraumaFor extra content on Matinee Monday movies, visit Paul's YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheerTalk bad movies on the HDTGM Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheerFollow Paul’s movie recs on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer/Check out new HDTGM movie merch over at teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmPaul and Rob Huebel stream live on Twitch every Thursday 8-10pm EST: www.twitch.tv/friendzoneLike good movies too? Subscribe to Unspooled with Paul and Amy Nicholson: listen.earwolf.com/unspooledSubscribe to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael: www.thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcastCheck out The Jane Club over at www.janeclub.comWhere to find Paul, June, & Jason:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on social media

John Cusack, Adrian Brody, and Jackie Chan. It's like the hangover all over again, but in ancient China. As these guys learn to build a wall, do some courtesy killings, and make the world's first Transformer. We saw Dragon Blade, so you know what that means. Now it's time for How to Discrimin'

We're gonna have a good time, celebrate some failure Not just be a hater, cause either you wonder How did this get made? Let's law in the mediocrity of subpar art. Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question How did this get made? Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to How Did This Get Made. I am Paul Scheer, your host, joined, as always, by my co-host, Jason Manzoukas.

How are you, Jason? Paul, I did not care for this movie. I just spent my morning watching it. It's a it's a tough one. We were made to watch this movie by our guests today, which is challenging my fondness for them. Well, I will you'll be happy to know Jason. This is the first movie that we've done first Chinese language film that we've ever done on this show, so that's a very big. That's pretty big.

Yeah, it's a huge accomplishment for sure. That's pretty big. Starring John Cusack and Adrian Brody. Oh man, I don't even wanna. I have so many. So much. So much to talk about in what is, I mean, unquestionably one of the foremost features

of the last few years that depict the Dragon Blade, the famed Dragon Blade. Is there a Dragon Blade in this movie? Is there a Dragon Blade, Paul? I don't think there is. That is my question as well. Is there a Dragon Blade? We are going to get into it.

Here are words that are never said in this movie. Dragon Blade. Dragon Blade. They're not spoken separately, they're not spoken together. Never heard the term Dragon Blade. I thought there was going to be a special sword. I thought so too, there is even a special sword given at one point and I was like, here we go, dragon blade. Nobody says it, nobody says here's the dragon blade, I'm giving you the dragon blade, congrats, you've earned the dragon blade.

Or is there a magical dragon blade? No, not even a ceremonial dragon blade. No, I hated this. Alright, well let's bring in our guests. The people responsible for this movie. And, but also- Not responsible for making it. Responsible for making us watch it. Well, well, hold on. We will see.

Did our guests finance this movie? Yes. Is our guest today the nation of China? Yes. They are Chinese nationalists who here are here with an agenda of entertainment. This is wild. Entertainment for all.

All right, so we have two guests today. Are we a mouthpiece for China? Jason, all I wanna tell you is that- Isn't this show now underwritten by Foxconn? You know, like it's ad-free still, but we do have to say about 12 positive things about China, the government of China, and the history of China every episode.

This is very awkward. It's not awkward at all, they pay great money. The Hahn brothers are here too. The Hahn brothers? Yeah, the Hahn brothers. I love their logo before the thing starts. All right, we have two guests today. You know our first guest as one of the stars

of Good Girls Revolt and the AMC show Dietland. She was also in a movie with me that came out on DVD last week called Summer 03. Please welcome Erin Dark. How are you Erin? Hey guys. I'm great. I'm sorry. Yeah, thanks a lot. Erin, I wrote this down when we were doing that movie together and Averill Halley, the

person who helps us pick all of our films, she's like, I remember. And so it's her memory that can also be faulted for this. No, but I remember at the time I said, if we ever get to do the show, I claim Dragon Blade. And then I've spent the last year. I like that you tried to just squat on it as if tons of people were like, we gotta do Dragon Blade. The 2015 Mandarin film. Brad Pitt was like, I wanna come on

and do Dragon Blade, guys. And we were like, sorry, bro. I'm sorry, guys, I claimed it. But I have spent the last year going like, oh fuck, what if it's a really good movie and I've forgotten that it was a quality film. Had you not forgotten the top three people on the call sheet?

I mean, but you know, I started to doubt it. I was like, I do remember Adrian Brody was giving a lot. He is. He is giving. Boy does he ever. He is acting and I like it. Capital A acting. And a lot of whisper acting.

But you are not fully guilty in this because it was a joint decision. Our next guest is someone that you might have seen on stage or in film and more recently his brand new TV show, Miracle Workers just premiered this week and it airs every Tuesday at 10.30. Please welcome Daniel Radcliffe. Hi, thank you so much to have me

I am yeah, I was also worried like Aaron that I would have misremembered this film. I did not think maybe it's good My thought was that it wouldn't have been as Maybe it's good. My thought was that it wouldn't have been as entertainingly, crazily bad in the ways that I love a movie to be. Well, no it was. And it was. I mean five minutes in. Because this was our second time watching it.

I feel like I should state that for the record. We had watched it before. And did you watch the two hour and twelve minute version or the hour and forty-four? No, we watched the American release. Wait a minute. The Chinese version is twenty minutes longer. I think I watched the longer version. Did you watch the book ends with the two Chinese scientists?

What? What are you talking about? Wait, I have it. There are two Chinese scientists? Flash forward? Yes, so the movie starts in now. Is there a dragon blade in what you saw? No, no dragon blade.

But they cut out, I don't know. A lot of satellite technology. You know they say you gotta kill your babies. We gotta cut this dragon blade out. Whoa! It makes no sense because. Wait, I was surprised by the screen. Why are you surprised by the screen?

You do this all the time. We never use this screen. Oh, hey. This is brand new. Yeah, this is new. Very exciting. There's a screen in the studio now so we can watch clips. Huge development. Yeah, this is a big deal.

Here at Earwool Studios. You guys are very lucky to be here for this. So basically I will just do a little... I don't believe in rewarding you for making us watch this movie. We should have come here and watched it all together. Oh yeah, the ar... I would have been so happy to So happy to just instead of me standing in my kitchen fuming.

Well, not a morning movie. No, it's not. I will say I feel like it's not an evening movie either. You do need to take away. This is a movie. Like how long after waking up? Did you start? I started it in bed.

I started it. I started playing. It went through my whole morning with me. And not to call you out, Jason, but you are a guy that if given your druthers, you start your day a little bit later. So this is- I don't know what you mean.

I started it first thing this morning when I got up at 10 o'clock. But like, so adding to that you had to get up a little bit earlier than you normally would like, then we're forced to watch this movie. Which I believe needs an intermission because there was a certain point where my brain was like, and enough.

It was like, I don't know what's going on. I took a 15 minute break and I was able to enjoy the last 30 minutes. So with an additional 20 minutes, you still didn't know what was happening? Oh, I didn't watch that version. I have just seen this version. Because I did wonder, because there's a point in this film where it goes so deeply off the rails that I was like, I didn't watch that version. Oh, okay. I have just seen this version. You just have the clips.

Because I did wonder, because there's a point in this film where it goes so deeply off the rails that I was like, I do not know what's happening. Do you move when it fades in? Yeah. Fade in, movie goes off rails. Yes.

But that's also, that's one, so the film starts with two random shots. Yes. One of Jackie Chan, which it then transpires at the end, is from the end of the movie. Correct. That is then placed next to a shot of John Cusack from just another point in the movie. Which is later on.

Which is later on. And then it just, yeah, there's, there are so many random like jumps in time on a cross time. There's a lot of jump cuts. And a lot of that weird slow-mo. It's like, why is it slow-mo? I feel like they just gave people footage

and said, I don't know, make a movie out of it if you can. See what you can do with this. But, and yet there is so much money clearly has gone into it. It is the biggest film that has ever been made by Chinese money in China. Yes, $65 million. So not on American money level, but on- No, no, that's huge budget.

But with the amount that they pay extras, that's probably- Right, and it sounds like it was very unpleasant to see. But with the amount that they pay extras, that's probably a way to return them. And it sounds like it was very unpleasant to see. Did they actually build that city? Now I'm believing they maybe built a city. They built those walls, they built those special cranes, they did everything. That was all practical. I heard that the Chinese film industry is just an excuse to build infrastructure.

And that that's all they're doing is just building. All of the movies care about finishing cities. It's so beautiful. We gotta finish these things and then let's shoot a movie about it. And then tourism comes in because you have to visit the sites from the film. But I will, just to talk about that opening.

By the way, I would totally go on a group trip that goes to the sites of this film. To the sites, yeah. Well, you meet Jackie Chan and John Cusack and I think in the beginning, oh, this is what the movie will start here. They've made peace and we're moving forward. And then you're like, oh, no, not at all.

It's something. What's this movie about? That was the flash forward. Yeah, I mean, then you get into like a fight scene that seems to be brought about by like, there seems to be a lot about trade and taxes early on and customs. Oh, right.

Yeah, the Silk Road is, listen, a lot of shit goes down in the Silk Road. People are rapsing about the Silk Road. What is a Silk Road fighter? That's my question. The Silk Road Protecting, Protection Squad. Yeah, the Silk Road Protection Squad, which I'm sure was the official title.

The worst squad. They're terrible, right? I can't imagine. I mean, you lose every fight. The Silk Road Squad loses every fight. And that's what was my other question at the beginning. So there's this huge face-off between these two warring nations, and then Jackie Chan comes in, and he fights with the Silk Road protection squad, and he fights the Lady Moon. He comes in as a third person, like an intermediary.

Because he's a fighter for peace. Yes, he says it several times. He has many weapons. Every Silk Road fighter fights for peace because they believe that it's better to make friends than foes, but yet they are like, heavily armed. Heavily armed, they fight all the time. And deeply trained at using them.

There were at least two moments in the film where I think Jackie Chan says, stop fighting and don't fight as he is fighting. They go through such lengths to show that he is such a nice guy. An amazing guy. An amazing guy. What a great dude. By the way, I will say, and I have it in my notes.

And a wonderful singer. I should have done it on my phone. Daniel, get in the business, buddy. You gotta get those notes on your phone. Daniel left his notes in his hotel. I wrote notes and they're not here. He has so many notes. There is, like, the movie starts and it is, it's this fight scene and I was like, oh no, this is terrible

This is gonna be this is gonna be awful Jackie Chan showed up and I was like, oh right. Jackie Chan is awesome Yes, there is something that is so compelling and so instantaneously fun and funny And even though he's it's a serious moment or whatever He still finds a moment of levity and start, there's stuff in the Jackie Chan stuff that I always enjoy. Maybe it's nostalgia. But didn't the levity kind of undercut the seriousness of what was this?

Yes, people are dying. Lives are at stake. But then we go into these like comedy of errors moments. Like when he just grabs her boobs. Yeah, which goes on for so long. It's like he grabs her boobs, they both notice, they both look down, she slaps him, and then he's like, maybe I should stop grabbing her boobs.

And then he takes off her veil, and this is maybe where I don't know that much about Chinese culture, but now they have to have sex? Well, yes, she just then strips in front of him. Right. When does that take place? We see in a flashback. When does that take place? I forgot about that in a flashback? When does that take place?

I forgot about that spit take. Yeah. Right after the fight scene, right? So where do they go after the fight? I'm not even like, back to her tent. Why? So he can return the veil? Yeah, he goes back to her tent to return the veil

and then she strips for him like you do, Jason. Let me ask you this, Erin. But she takes a drink like- Do you think that she, her house, where he returns the veil is two miles from the open desert? Or did they ride for a week for him to return the veil? He's a very nice guy.

He wanted to return the veil. He went there. He's like, you left these earrings at my house. Again, we see that veil scene in a flashback as he is riding away. He's riding away from, I think, the initial, though, I guess, from that. And his buddy's giving him shit. But the language of film here is very bad because we see a scene, the next logical scene

is the stripping scene, and then it's the horseback scene. But what we see is fight scene, horseback scene, stripping scene, horseback scene. Why? Why don't we tell this to the map of order? I have a big question about like, so Jackie Chan intervenes in that initial fight, fights that lady, and then- Somehow the conflict's resolved?

Like, is that it? Like, what happened to the initial dispute? If she gets her veil ripped off, then- Everyone go hug her. Yeah, it's almost like flag football. If he wins- If you get the flag. If he wins a fight- You're done, you're chapped, whatever.

If he wins a fight, does that just it? He's like, okay, peace reigns, I win. But the other side that was trying to fight her got nothing. They didn't even participate in the fight, but they were apparently like, ah, I'm confused about the idea of Chinese warfare because it seemed like, I think I want to get into it. You build an army, and then you send one person. I mean there is like a theory that...

It's like Pokemon fighting. But I think there is a theory that people, like massive armies, used to just like meet opposite each other and then kind of like send out their strongest guys one at a time. But I think it was quite that order. It would not be resolved then. Like that's the thing, if you send your two strongest and one of them beats the other one, does your army just go like, they beat that guy,

so I guess we go home now? Okay, we're outta here. I thought that as well. I assumed, and mistakenly now that I've heard that it's a $65 million budget, I was like, well they don't have the budget for big giant group battles. So that's why they're like breaking it down into these smaller one-on-one combat missions

that I was like, later on that happens in almost every single fight scene. It comes down to just mano-a-mano fight. But if it was better fighting, I'd be all in. If it was like Crouching Tiger, if it was even like raid level fighting, it's kind of neither here nor there. It's like, oh, it's fighting. It's not as cool as 300. It's just sort of like, it's a melee of sorts.

I thought there were like a couple of really good moments. And there were, there were like some moments where you'd see like, oh, there's a really cool idea that like, I feel like they didn't want the film to be quite as dark as like, there's one moment where literally there's a guy who has been shot through with like 20 arrows who is getting over backwards, entirely propped up by those arrows, but they just like are panning off him

from the word gun. Yeah. I thought that was cool looking. That's like a, that's a, that I believe you're right. I think they tried to veer away from true violence, true gore, anything that was like anything. And that's like the lightness too. There's no blood besides, I mean, spoiler alert,

John Cusack's eyeballs being ripped out. You mean his closed eyes with some fake blood on them? That scene either took 10 minutes to shoot or two days. Everything that John Cusack is in in this movie felt like, you know, they do this thing where they're like, you know, we're just gonna shoot the rehearsal, just so you guys can run it through. And that's what it felt like.

It was like, I'll give you like two takes at the most. And it wasn't like he's not trying. It's just sort of like not trying a lot. His death scene is astonishing. I love his performance in this film. Take me home. So much. Take me home.

But he didn't even tell him. He's like, when he says take me home, how does he even know? He's totally blind. He doesn't know what's going on. Yeah. There are so many instances the kid too, is reacting to a fight scene consistently

as if he's watching it. Only that child is blind. And he's like, oh no. Speaking also. And Doug's part of it. Wait, what? And Doug Thurley's part of it. Did you not notice? Lips do not matter what it's about.

He's fully 80 yard. Fully 80 yard. But also so was like the nanny stroke, Aide De Camp, whose performance is another crazy part. That character's name is Falco. I could talk about that performance for about two hours. Falco does color commentary for some of the fighters. Ooh, yeah, getting in there.

General Lucius is fighting with the force of a thousand men. He's like narrating the fight scenes for the blind child as if it's like a bedtime story. His performance is like a commedia dell'arte. It makes commedia dell'arte look like naturalistic acting. Yeah, like subtle, yeah. He also looks nothing like a Roman. They do a real weird job.

Gianchi is like, just so you've not seen the movie and you shouldn't, is a Roman who was doing- Oh yeah, we haven't explained this movie even remotely. Yeah, I mean- Can you? Yeah, I mean, it's hard. There was a crawl at the beginning, or not a crawl, but there was like text at the beginning to give you some context and information.

I went back to it at a certain point to be like, what was this even about? Well, by the way, that text is written so tiny and in the screen that I, my TV is not that far away from me. I was having a hard time going like, what is on this screen? And if it was closer, I get it. But this is where the opening comes in.

It's 50 BC. Well, the opening, it's actually 48, but in the American translation, they made it 50. Really? Just rounded it up. Classic. Classic American move. So the opening, I can play a little bit of it, but it focuses on these. Oh, is this the scientist?

These are the two scientists. This kind of sets the tone of the movie way better. If this scene was in there, I would have really liked it. So here we go. Oh no, that's a bold statement in there I would have really liked it so here we go oh no that's a bold statement I wouldn't have really liked it. Is that all it would have taken? Just this okay so this is totally different. This is amazing. We open up on all these like outies flying through like oh BMW sorry I'm just saying you know yes paid for these so we open up on the BMW James says they'll float a stock offering on the market the minute fine

reason then we can excavate wherever we want it you know most of the diary documents of our general will establish the protection squad. Oh, I see. How is he related to Regum? And why did they name this ancient city Regum? Oh, whoa. Whoa, wait a minute. Another intersection ahead.

Which road do we take? Let's split into three groups, keep each other updated. So, this group splits up into three groups. They go on a big hike. Oh my God, this keeps going. Yeah, they find this lost city. This is so crazy. They go into the lost city.

They find. They go chipped in the American version. I know. And they're, by the way, speaking in English. Yes, yes. And also. Yeah, so why was that cut from the English version? No idea.

And by the way, it does add some, like this idea of Regum, which is like the whole city that they're building, the heaven on earth. I was just gonna say, is that the city that they built? Yes. Do they ever call it Regum in the movie? At the very end. At the very end. They say like, he is naming after the...

Yeah, it's like text on the screen. Yeah, tiny text. Cause I thought, yeah, good. They find Regum there, what is it, oh my God. And then the craziest thing happens. They scan the entire thing with satellites, play Mozart music, and then the satellite from outer space, you'll see, I'm just playing it out,

beams lights and rebuilds the entire city through like virtual reality. What? Whoa, this is. So then they're like, oh, this is it. And then they- How does that technology work? I have no idea.

So basically- Is that a flash forward to the future from that? Yeah, yeah. This is further on than 2019. This is 2073. Yeah, right. So now they have this city in front of them. Boom, we're back into the movie.

And at the end, what we are led to believe, at the beginning of the movie, they're staring at a statue. At the end, they just go like, oh, now that's the story. But no one's told them the story. They just see the world through virtual reality. Let's never tell anybody. Do you pull back and they've been showing them the movie?

Yeah. Whoa! It's a very impressive satellite. It actually didn't just show them the city, it showed showing them the movie. Yeah. Like, whoa! It's a very impressive satellite. It actually didn't just show them the city, it showed them this whole movie. And they're like, this is a bad movie. That is what a satellite does. A satellite could show them a movie.

Yeah, that is right. What it can't do is rebuild past structures. So this is how it ends. And this is the end of the movie where... Okay, so we join back with our characters. Oh yes, we have this 360 pan of the eagle. Oh, oh no, we didn't get this. Oh yeah, so they go.

Oh, that was kind of nice. So they see the whole city, how it's been destroyed, and now... I'm really happy we can do this together, she says. Are they a couple now? Yeah. I'm really happy we can do this together. Well, at least we ended on a good note. What does that mean? Why have they ended?

Ended what? Aren't you in the middle of your job? Look, look at you go. Did you guys find anything? No, we haven't found anything. Why? There's literally a pillar behind you. I know you have a whole 3D mapping thing. You have like a major archeological site on your hand. Why would they not want to tell people? They're like, we're keeping it our secret. And this is their reason. Let's see, she goes, no, we haven't found it. And then. It's an enthralling fairy tale.

What is? You don't know anything. It's in harmony one, greed and ambition zero. This land remains ours alone. Well, what do you say? We let them shine for another 2000 years. Like a week later, somebody else finds this city and they're like, fuck.

We get it. And then they just go and fuck on Frolic in the snow. That's amazing that that embrace is meant to make us, like it's meant to mean something to us after not being with those people. They basically say we cannot, cause this true story, which by the way, that's the one thing we haven't talked about at all.

It's based on a true story. They basically go, it is a true story, but it's not. Like, cause that's, that's their, that's their getaway from it. It's like, it didn't really happen, but it did. They're not letting people, they're not letting people go there to look at this as a city that represents heaven on earth. They seem to selfishly imply

they wanna keep it for themselves. Themselves. Which is a real dick move. But it's just an old structure. There's no like, it isn't like, oh, we have to leave these people and this culture the way we found it. But also what it stands for is something

that is truly a great message. What it stands for is wonderful and should be shared with the world. Yeah, no, no, no. This place that symbolizes harmony and peace. Let's hide it for ourselves. Let's keep it for ourselves. It's ours, it's our city.

So there's this city that they're talking about, Regum, which is, I guess. Regum! Regum! That's where I do all my office space work at Regum. You rent those corporate offices. That's what I consider gum that I get off the bottom of the table here in San Diego. Regum.

Regum. Okay, so we established at the Silk Protection Squad, not great fighters. I still don't think we've explained the plot of it. No, we have still worked on it at the beginning. Like, Jocuesec's character is a Roman and we haven't think we've explained the plot of it. No, we have still, we're still at the beginning. John Cusack's character is a Roman and we haven't broached it barely at all. Yes. So like-

A Roman with a good Chicago accent. I mean, his, the accent work is just so great in that it is non-existent for him. I mean, he's just doing any modern day John Cusack performance. It might as well be someone saying, hey, Lloyd Dobler, put on this armor, you're a Roman now. He was like Lloyd Dobler because he's doing kickboxing stuff, I was like, all right.

But I don't know, because I looked at, I went in quite deep on, I was looking at some press stuff that he did. He watched a bunch of interviews. I watched some interviews with him. And he says all, he seems really into the idea of doing a martial arts movie and was like all the reasons you would do a movie like this for like to work with Jackie Chan and yeah like do they get to

do this cool stuff like but then like I don't feel like he did that. No, I feel like he was there for two weeks at the max. It is slow. It is slow. In that last fight he was like yeah you did some fighting like I believe John Cusack yeah showed up the day before and was like, okay, what's up? And I believe Adrian Brody lived in China for two years. Yeah, but that's why I like it. No, Adrian Brody is- In armor. No, Adrian Brody is doing something.

But let me ask you this, Aaron and Daniel, when you're watching a movie like this and you're looking at people that are, some people are just not making a choice on accents. Have you ever worked in a situation where you've been like, huh, we're all doing this. This person isn't. Isn't, yeah, I don't know that I have,

but I've definitely like been aware of them on other movies. Like there was like, I mean, there was some famous, I've actually seen this. Oh, we've done a million. We've done a million movies where accents are not adding up. I mean, like Gods of Egypt, I feel like have this. this could be great. We've done a million movies where accents are not adding up.

I mean, like, Gods of Egypt, I feel like, have this. But I like to believe. But I like to believe. No, but that's the thing. I think, I like to believe, Dan and I were talking about this. I like to believe that, like, because Adrian Brody sort of doesn't come in to the end. I like to believe that John Cusack got there and was like,

well, there's some British guys, but nobody else really seems to be doing an accent. And so he just did his whole performance, and then Adrian Brody got there and just started doing what he was doing And Cusack was like, what are you doing? I'm not gonna loop my whole performance. It's also like a bold choice to be like I'm just gonna be American I'm just gonna be American. Yeah, and not even it's almost like Chicago. It's like it's it's not even like a subtle

It's like it's just junk It's not even like a subtle, it's like, it's just junk, it is just typical. And in a way, there's no logic. Like you might as well be as like English as be American. Like there isn't any, I mean, you're not gonna sound Latin. There's not a Roman accent that anyone's doing these days. But his number two even has a,

at least it's a British accent. It just sounds like American, or sorry, well like that American accent just sounds so, but like it's a British accent. It just sounds like American, or sorry, well like that American accent just sounds so, like it's so good. It's fierce. That's why him pulling up on a horse in armor and just being like. It's just so casual. How does he introduce himself?

He's like, black eagle call, Roman Empire. It's, and I was like, what? There's no way. And when he, at the end of the movie, when he says, send me home to Wrigley field, I was like, uh, that doesn't make any sense. When the arrow goes through his throat, he goes, go Cubs.

Do you have, you don't have the moment of him, cause my, I think my favorite scene in the entire movie, which I like, I lost my mind the first time I watched it, and the second time just as much, is the scene where him and Jackie Chan are first after their first fight and then- When he's in his meeting spot. Yes! This is my favorite scene.

When he needs a place to think? Yeah, when he's found his place to think. I need food and water for my men, medicine for a child, and a place to think. This is it. This is it. I think you got it right here. We need food and water for my men, medicine for a child. And I need a place to think. This is 48 BC. Yep, 48 BC. And then that scene to me is even more kind of trumped

by the scene after Jackie and, or after like the fight and they get into town, they're both on the rooftop This is Dan's scene. This is the scene that Just for purely for the line reading We watched it twice last night I mean for the whole thing I'm concerned about you guys

These are our date nights Like the first thing when he starts off and he's just like I can't there's one line He says very early on which makes me laugh, but the line that just I hope you have is When he grabs Jackie Chan's sword and Jackie Chan stops him and Junkyu just does a really, like, gentlemen, what? I just want to look at it. I've never seen a Chinese sword.

And I am not doing any justice in how he does the line, but it is my favorite. There's something so blasé about the delivery of that line. There's something so blasé about so many of it. But they also do a thing in that scene where in the beginning of that line. There's something so blasé about so many of it. But they also do a thing in that scene where in the beginning of that scene, John Cusack is talking like, in my culture, we do this.

And then Jackie's like, oh, in my culture, we do this. And then all of a sudden after three lines, so anyway, the stress and politics of my world really kind of bums me out. And then he's like, oh yeah, right? They just have a whole scene. Jackie Chan speaks every language. Yes.

And everybody, every native Chinese speakers can at least understand every language everybody else is speaking. Even if they don't speak it, they can understand everything that's being said all the time. All the time. Maybe it's a skill you get

when you work on the Silk Road. On the Silk Road. On the Silk Road, yeah. Is the Silk Road like- The word squad being used. Squad is crazy. Yeah, squad is. There's that, there's a bunch of anachronisms too.

At one point, my favorite thing is when Adrian Brody says, when they come to him at the end of the movie and they're like, blah, blah, blah, whatever, you're busted, whatever, he goes, look, I just wanna say, he says look, comma, I just wanna say. I wrote down look comma, I just wanna say. I wrote down that someone says, hey. Yeah, that too.

What, hey? Yeah, there's a bunch of craziness. There's also a bunch of lines that I just don't understand. There's a bunch of lines that are said with huge significance that I don't like. Oh yeah, like, Decimus has returned. We don't know who this is! Who's Decimus?

When all the, oh the Anchorman moment at the end when all the tribes arrived to fight and they just cut to the one of the other arriving. And then you're like, you don't know who these people are and then- No idea who any of them are. And then when at the end when that whole- Well they're the people, I believe they're all the people who when he made the speech about like when they were like,

they all got bought off by Adrian Brody and he made the speech about we have to stick up and we have to blah blah blah they were all the people that I believe had taken the money and now felt bad oh but the Parthian Queen when she shows up too that's a different story and the falcons guys we have to talk about them when this movie turns into birdemic for a moment and they have just like telepathic control over hordes of falcon vehicles. And the falcons are coming in, yeah, just hard at horses.

Well we don't have a lot of horses. Parthians can do anything with falcons. That's true. But they also like make the choice to do close up shots of birds not actually hitting the eyes of horses. Yes, that's missing. That's a very hard thing. It's just going down.

Which you think that's hard to do, standing in the white. Yeah, you don't have to do a close up. You don't have to do yeah, right the wide Great yeah, or just CGI maybe just a little bit Fine yeah, it's a horse on a burglar. Yeah, help your battle seems Why by the way is John Cusack an amazing engineer like My favorite things about the film are that like they are they are they are constructing a history where like the Romans and the Chinese meet and then the Roman engineering meets Chinese everything yes that they are brilliant

at it's the movie the movie could be about two enemies who come together to build a city to protect it from, that's a movie, right? What this is, is a whole bunch of, there are so many components and so many players and so much chaos in this movie that is fully unnecessary. It feels to me like someone who watched the last aired episode of Game of Thrones trying to describe it to you.

It's like, there's a boy, and he's got a thing, and then there's another, and then there's a castle, and then there's another group. It's like a- And there's a dragon, and there's a cursed sword. Wait a minute, neither of those are. Neither is. No.

But it is, it just feels like a mishmash. City building was the only thing that I actually remembered from the film. I remembered the city building, and so we were watching it last night, and then the city got built, and then they were having their musical numbers and then I looked and we were only 37 minutes away from the film. That's what I thought too because I was like, oh wow they did it. Wait, is this the end

of the movie? Yeah, like what? What kind of thing was that? You have 15 days to rebuild the city and then they did it? And even what they did in 15 days is insane. The tools they used. And they also kept stopping for karate demonstrations. And musical numbers. And one-on-one fights. And musical.

And musical numbers. And crafts time. They did a flag arts and crafts day. I couldn't figure out, and this is, this plagued me for a good portion of the movie. It didn't occur to me until the end of the movie they were building a city. I thought this was a prison.

When Jackie Chan and the protection squad are sent to the wild goose. It is a prison camp. Yes. It is, but it took me a while to realize, oh, this isn't, cause I was like, why are they having to build their own prison? Is that what this is?

Wouldn't you just know? Yeah. But also when Jackie Chan goes there as a prisoner, he's like, all right, so I'm in charge. I'll go out here. I'll talk to John Cusack. I'll do this. Follow me. Let's do this. I couldn't figure out what his role was either. And then later he just gets on a horse. He rides to his old house. Yeah. Why can he do, why is he doing this? Why is he going home? Isn't he supposed to be going and doing a bunch of other stuff? And then, and then how is he allowed?

When Jackie Chan invents the airplane slide technology that you have. So everyone knows that when an airplane maybe does a water landing, you pop out a door and a big yellow thing would come out. Jackie Chan makes that. And then has kids sliding down from a school room and then makes them do a comedy scene.

You know what, that's one of those things that I loved because like that's clearly one of those shots that for me, like the shots of people sliding down the thing were all slow-mo because I feel like that just didn't look good in actual. No way. It was just a lot less impressive. I'm sure.

And also Jackie Chan has made himself the bottom of the slide, so kids are going feet first to Jackie Chan. I also love that this movie teaches us a very important lesson right in the scene following where the little boy drops his school books. Oh yeah. And because he goes back for his books

in order to learn his mother is killed. Yes. Or his teacher. His teacher, his teacher slash mother, and not unclear. Jackie Chan's wife. Jackie Chan's wife I believe is the teacher of the school and he goes back for his books

and she gets full, all full of arrows. She gets all the arrows. Any other object had to be his books. Books. That kid will literally never pick up a book again. Lesson learned, kid. I have issues with that teacher because at one point when she's protecting everybody

from arrows, she just takes like a little bamboo plate, like a large plate, like everyone put the bamboo plates in here, like that's not stopping arrows. Most of these people getting four to five arrows in their back. There were so many arrows. Yeah. It's interesting that that's like a fine way

to watch a person die. Like everyone's kind of, they're all okay with that. Also arrows in this movie do amazing things. Like there's that one shot where like the girls inside the house, she fires one arrow into a horde of a hundred people. She hits one of them, the other 99 drop to the ground as well. Very sympathetic responses to good archery. You can still take her guys, there's a hundred of you.

Did you see that? She got him. I just want to go back, cause we talked about the teacher Jackie Chan. So when he beats that person in the beginning, the woman in the beginning, and she reveals herself, her naked body to him, she kind of takes a slug, like let's do this. She reveals herself, then he takes a slug

and does a spit take. And then he runs away. And then as they're writing and laughing, he goes, well, we've been gone for a long time. So wait, so is it like supposed to be like, well, I would have had sex with her if we hadn't been gone for a long, or is it like, I'm committed to my wife?

Like, what were they trying? I think he was committed to his wife. Yeah, I think so. Okay, so that's why he got out of there. Yeah, because then he went home after that and they talked about how they were a great couple because they both love peace. Okay, because I just got because I guess, right,

because he's a peaceful guy. Yeah, that's what they had in college. You teach peace to different school children. I fight for peace, we're a perfect match. We're peace people. It'd be like the movie Taken, every time Liam Neeson kills somebody, like I'm such a nice guy.

Yeah, it really is, that is his character, essentially. I'm a good person. So I'm telling you, it really is. That is this character, essentially. I'm a good person! Stop telling us that. Just do it. Stop fighting! Friend and foe! Turns friends into foes, which I feel like, again, that's inscribed on something in Chinese characters

at the end, and I feel like maybe that is a phrase that is just much more evocative in Chinese. Yes, oh yes. That like turns friends into foes coming up as a subtitle. Well. Okay. Yeah. Well, there's whole songs about it. Oh, well. Turns friends into foes coming up as a subtitle. Well, OK. Yeah. Well, there's whole songs about it. Oh, well, and by the way, there's whole songs about it.

Should we hear the the the Latin, the Latin song? It's the little boy singing the song. You mean the operatic little boy? Who is in the middle? OK. My favorite is when when the first scene that introduces us to John Cusack and Jackie Chan, which is the scene in which Falco is narrating their fight for this little boy.

The little boy then like has a fit or a moment or something and Falco brings the boy in his arms to the fight that is happening in the middle of the desert and screams, General! And by the way, this point- Distracting John Cusack immediately. Well, but by the way, like the boy was just blind. He was not like sickly or maybe he was.

I think they were very elusive about it. They had run away. They were in a desert. I think maybe they were all fucking thirsty. Well, cause they, remember those other generals were falling down behind John Cusack. Yeah, just falling. Yeah, they held it up until they were in front of another army and then they were like, oh god, fall off this horse. And by the way, what terrible general

John Cusack was like, all right, we'll take this city. With what? With what? Like that was my problem. You got like 500 guys, this is a city. You've been walking for days. But that's what I thought. Yeah. I mean, Kuczak is just that yeah Jackie Chan is the world's best person who knows it like he arrives at seven days wild East Gate yeah and just immediately tries like starts saving people's lives and helping people. Adrian Brody is the most evil human being who just like drinks blood and blinds children and John Kuczak is just a guy. He's just a guy. He's got caught up in wild, you've got this like character in the movie,

this sickly child who's been rescued from certain death and all this stuff, and the kid just straight up gets killed. Oh yeah. Boom. Adrian Brady shows up and Falco's like, see you later, I guess we're gonna take a high dive off the top of the palace. By the way, the sky plank,

like what purpose is the sky plank? That's the purpose, Paul. That's the purpose of the sky plank. I thought the sky plank was gonna come into like, Plank yeah Not the sky plank was gonna come into like at the end when they're having that battle like they're gonna finally fall I did get I did get emotional with that scene though. I was like, I don't know why I think now whenever I see anything If you have to go like that would be a beautiful When he said like, you know, you will never hurt this child. Yeah. no, absolutely. Like, he really meant it. Like, when he said, like, you will never hurt this child, I was like, no, yeah, I mean, you meant that far. I'm gonna hug him on the way down. I will, for I thought never.

Falco! I would love it if he screamed his own name. I'm like, I'm dangerously close to letting that be the thing that takes over for Geostorm. Someone screamed Geostorm at me on the Sony lot the other day. Oh my god. I was like, what the fuck's going on? Who said that?

I had actually not registered that character's name with Falco. I was also on the IMDB page for this film last night, and there is apparently a character in this film called Eugene. Oh yeah. Who is that? Is he in the 20 minutes I didn't see? No, there is a couple characters, and there's some people that are uncredited. Really? just Eugene? Eugene.

James Lee Guy was uncredited as Eugene. Huh. Just Eugene. It's not a Roman name, it's not a Chinese name, it's just how do you fit into this? That's just like one of the director's friends who happened to be on set, like, oh yeah, well this is Eugene, that's Eugene.

The guy in jeans. And then he went and he like changed his own IMDB, I don't know. I know, but my favorite characters were Eugene, Sully, The guy in jeans and then he went anything like change his own IMDB. I don't know My favorite characters were Eugene Sully And red son Well, here's a little bit of his thing just so you can if he got to be a little bit older he'd be publy But he died pubeless three. Come on guys, and this is like a crowded scene. This is like after their dance sequence.

And here we go. Yeah, we just have some very rowdy. Oh. Oh. Wow. So long. And he sounds like he's in a cathedral. I mean, it is not, this is not like-

They built a city with good sound quality, Paul. That's like- That's a big part of it. And this is the anthem of Regim, I guess. I guess. It's like an old Roman song that everyone knows and joins in on. I mean, but it's a... People are crying? Yeah.

Romans are weeping at the song? And there's some very committed background in that, to actually crying. Like, there was one guy, I was like, we don don't even know who you are and you are weeping. That's Eugene. That is Eugene. And by the way, and getting back to this whole thing, like this whole thing was brought on by like Jackie Chan in the middle of their hard work days.

Like, all right, snack time's over, let's do training. And then they do training and then John Cusack looks at him like, I don't like you, but we're, oh, but you're already friends. Aren't you already working together? Yeah, but I don't know. I think that was more a look of like okay you gonna see what we've got now we're gonna show you some Roman stuff I think that

kind of on a team but it's competitive pals or whatever okay and so then they the Romans do their stuff was a lot more drumming yeah and then the Romans just kicked the shit out of them yeah all the time and the so no there's a little bit of back and forth yeah a little bit, but I mean, they lose every demo fight. Jackie Chan's guy wins the first one. Oh, okay, okay, I'm sorry. And then there's the second guy that ends with a handshake. And the ramen guy who loves to fight.

That was a great fight! I am Eugene! The whole time, all I could think about was how they have 15 days to build a city. Yes, and that they are slave laborers. I thought it was one wall, and then when you see the final shot, when they look around, it's like, oh, that's like a multiple walls.

They couldn't have built in 15 days two of those devices they built in order to build the city. They are building wheels and gears. They're building- They built giant construction equipment the size of what building. They built a giant construction equipment. The size of what you would see in a modern day construction.

And then built a city. And then also spackled it. I love that. That was the other thing. They spackled it. They were like, all right, here we go. We're gonna blend this in with the wall. I love that they included things like,

and this has to, my belief would be that this is based on how they actually built these cities and they made, this is what part of it was He goes, do you have gravel? Yeah, they're gravel and I was like, wait, is this now just construction talk? What materials are available to build a lot of close-ups of blueprints? Yes That's another one of my favorite shots is when they just say it's clearly it's just John who's like standing with two Romans I decided him just going like one of them says everything's on schedule, and they cut away Same shot and don't go it just goes check on that

So just like just usually improv some building Things what I thought about this whole movie was cut it with like someone sketchy, you know with a ruler and like blueprints I thought about this whole movie was... We'll intercut it with someone sketching it with a ruler and blueprints. How did this get big? How did this get big? What I thought about this movie was, there's a moment where it felt like,

if this is a play, the lighting person got sick and was just trying to take lighting cues when they thought it would happen because scenes fade out, like you're like, oh, I guess that was the end of that scene. It was like, lights out. Like, oh, all right. I haven't seen a movie where there, there's been so many fade outs.

Like, just like fade to black. And then we're in another scene now. I was like, oh, okay. It was a jar. The film language is very jar. And like the flash forwards and flashbacks that like in the middle of all kinds of scenes, you just flash back to things that you already saw.

We flash back to that kid singing that song. Like, it's time. There's so many like fade outs. There's so many, like there is like the- And why would the Chinese people get so amped up about a song that, I mean, I would argue most of them don't understand, right? Cause they're not speaking Latin.

Yeah. So like what's- Well, that's the thing is all the English speaking people are now singing in Latin. Right. Yeah. Right. Right.

Why does that make more sense? This must be very confused. This is just, it just illustrates, the movie is constantly illustrating how confusing it is by including things that just add to it rather than make it clearer. And the one thing I will take away is that the Romans made a bunch of

Rube Goldberg style devices because at one point they show a dead body and it's like a magician's case. Like a guy's in there, but there's a bunch of swords inside. It's like that trick that you would see. Yeah, it was sort of like, oh, that's a trick that you would see on stage. It's like, oh, and I had no swords through me.

But like the other one is like, yeah, we have like a thing where you put eight swords in one person's body. We put a guy in a box and we just stick a bunch of swords in and it kills the guy. It's a great trick. You can do it way easier.

Adrian Brody also catches a sword with his bare hands. And he's fine. And he says, good throw. Yeah. His sword just catches it. That's one of those moments where I'm like, Adrian Brody is having fun here. He came in, he's doing an axe and he's getting a...

I'm the evil, I'm drinking blood blood I'm blinding yeah it's like yeah I don't think anyone told him to lick human blood off his hand I think in the moment Adrian was just like that's what this guy would do. And somebody ran in from like off-cam after that after they called cut and was like you should not be putting that in your mouth. We are where we are right now that is not safe. They filmed this in the Gobi Desert. Don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't heavy costumes and long filming hours made this movie a really difficult endeavor. I mean- Wait, real sandstorms? Yes, real sandstorms.

Oh wow. I mean- Which is funny because they can't really muster one in the film. They're all like, we have to get inside because there's a sandstorm and then when you cut back later there's like a few grains of sand in the air. Oh man, that was it.

But like what I like about Adrian Brody, and I think if you are going to do a movie like this, I actually think Jackie Chan comes across the best in this. Super fun. I thought it was odd in moments where he is this big fighter, but he fights in the Jackie Chan style, which is like, oh shit, what, what, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's like that like, kind of like cartoon,

like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and I'm like, well, you are a fighter. Like you should at least have confidence in there. But besides that, he's great. And I do like, I do. How old is Jackie, when was this made? I think it was like 61 when this was made.

Yeah. It is amazing. It is amazing to me how agile and effortless he makes what is very difficult stuff. I thought they were trying to age him down sometimes and then to then reveal like, and that was what he looks difficult stuff. I thought they were trying to age him down sometimes and then to then reveal like, and that's what he looks like older, but I just think it was maybe the wig or something.

He looked, I don't know, he looked younger than he looks on the poster either. Yeah. I don't know. But I mean, I do think, I think some of the fight scenes are genuinely still, like there are really cool moments in them and you just have to go like, wow, I love the sword that shoots out from oh, yeah

I just wish they'd done less slow motion with it That was like I felt like anytime they actually found something cool They either like put it on unnecessary slow motion or the cut away for like riding on the horse Just like riding on a horse in slow motion so many people not riding horses for real Oh, yeah, so many people like riding horses for real. Oh yeah. So many people like cut the frame, cuts when you can't see the horse's legs. You can't see nothing.

This movie probably killed more horses than that David Milch show luck. I do worry about like, it's one of those things when you see films that are like made, that you're like, oh man, it's like when you watch The Birds now, you're like, oh man, birds died. Yeah.

There was some poor 80s. And Hitchcock was like, I don't care died. Yeah. There was some poor 80s throwing. And Hitchcock was like, I don't care. I always think about this, like someone told me on Return of the Jedi, a lot of the people in these Ewok costumes, they were, because they were like, oh no, our laws are a little bit more lax, they were like,

just jump on that thing and fly down. It's like, I'm just an actor. It's like, you can do it. And it's like, I was talking to one of the guys who was like. So you're saying a lot of Ewoks died on them We could do it like our friend Owen was in a movie in India and they literally lit a log on fire and Threw it at him and he had to raise it just as long as you run fast It won't hit you and he's like it was the most scary thing It's like running down a plank with a flaming log like four feet behind him like so great

but it adds to some of the great shots in this film absolutely you know you want that real fear you want to know if you if you die in a movie said it was for something as good as Dragon Blade you know we did an episode of the league where we were camping and there was a bear oh yeah and I was like oh well this is not gonna be worth it to die shooting an episode of the league because the bear is gonna maul us. It was a really good episode. Great ep.

But it immediately became clear we should not be doing this. That's a wild animal there. And the only thing between us and it is a man with a bag of Oreos. Like, who's doing it? Just racked the bear with cookies. Another episode of the league,

we were shooting with a monkey, this ghost monkey, and the guy, the trainer, was a real monkey. A real monkey, yes. It wasn't a ghost monkey. It wasn't a ghost monkey. It wasn't a ghost monkey. We called him a ghost monkey in the show. It wasn't the ghost of a monkey. It was not a ghost of a monkey.

It's very hard to hire ghosts in this. I mean, well, there's tricky laws. Hollywood, nothing can't be done. It's true. The trainer was in the trunk of the car that I was driving and the monkey was loose in the car with us. And that was like the joke of the scene. Like, ah, that's monkey.

And I remember him saying to me like, if he gets crazy, just give him these Sour Patch Kids and that will like calm him down. They're laced with LSD. And I was like, why are we giving him him candy and that's the only like that's between him mauling us? Yeah. And whenever the monkey would stop the scene would just start eating like pieces of the car. And we're in there and then you feel like this thing like I don't want to complain about this but this does not feel safe.

You have a monkey and three people in seatbelts driving on an open road with a trainer in the trunk. My ear will be in that monkey's mouth before that trainer is able to maneuver. It's like, ah, but isn't that, that's why we have the best job, like the stuff like that happens. So he gets the, like, yeah, that's all I got. I will never be in a Mercedes SUV with a monkey in real life.

So yeah, it's very happy. You know what, never say never. Never say never. Who knows where this is SUV with a monkey in real life. So yeah, it's very ugly. You know what? Never say never. Yeah. Never say never. Who knows where this is going? This wild life. I actually talked to a guy who did a documentary

on Bubbles, Michael Jackson's monkey. My friend fit Bubbles for a jacket once. Really? Yeah, he's a dresser and he came in, Michael Jackson sent Bubbles alone in a limo to get fit for a suit. Well, this is what he was telling me. He was like, Bubbles had his own like hotel room

where Michael was staying and they're like, oh go hang out with Bubbles. And they had taken out the bed and they put the cage in the center of the room where the bed was. And that's where Bubbles hung out. And you like, you could take him out of the cage and watch TV with him and hang out with him. But like, Bubbles had his own thing going on.

Bubbles arrived in his own car. They made a doll of Bubbles. I remember that was a kid. Like they had like, you could get it like a Toys R Us like a cabbage patch doll, but it was like Bubbles arrived in his own car. They made a doll of bubbles. I remember that was a kid They did up like you could get it like a toys or a sick again like a cabbage patch doll. But was it bubbles? What did you know? I didn't know any of this. This is a wild. Oh, yeah bubbles is like what like bubbles is like a real life Bubbles or is that just like was it? Oh, right was there like multiple bubbles? I would love it It's one of those things that like bubbles keeps dying and the, was there like multiple bubbles? I would love it. There was only one bubble. It's one of those things that like bubbles keeps dying

and the handlers are on Michael Jackson. Like we gotta get it right. We gotta find another bubble. Of course that's bubbles, what do you mean Michael? What do you mean he's acting different? Oh Matt, that is, that's, yeah. That's very sad. Yeah, I don't know,

I don't have much information about bubbles. But this, I'm gonna try. But. And I heard that Bub bubbles played guitar on beat it Well, he wrote beat it. He wrote yeah a lot of Michael Jackson songs are credited to bubbles Yeah, yeah, I really I gotta find it he was like No, I mean like I want to watch like the Michael Jackson one But like that tells the truth. Oh, yeah Bubbles are just smoking a cigar like you listen to me

Good he just Michael Jackson just traded his overbearing father for it for an overbearing monkey that he had Tell me you wouldn't watch that film. Oh, yeah. So in. So, alright, so there's a, there's what else do we want to talk about? The John Cusack death scene, this is a place where they build prisons either really well or really shitty. They have

one prison just a cage where your feet could come out. So that was like a Fred Flintstone style prison where they all pushed it over a cliff. Bad engineering, but yet John Cusack who is weaponless, they all pushed it over a cliff. Yeah. Bad engineering. But yet John Cusack, who is weaponless, they have him like in a three part prison. Yeah. Which is like, why is he, he's not that dangerous.

Who were the guys who killed him? Who would like, that scene before, like who was he going to meet that were then the people that like strung him up? And I really- Yeah, this is when I really was watching it. Confused about who they were. This is when I really was watching it and I was trying real hard, but I was like, I do not know what has happened.

I don't know how it is still alive. This is where the film goes off the rails. Like once they built the city and they're like. This movie is well off the rails right now. Understand what's happening before that. I maintain. I don't understand all the people and what their relationships are,

but I understand like here's a friend and foe, they built the city together and they're happy. At that point, that's all I people and what their relationships are, but I understand like, here's a friend and foe, they built the city together and they're happy. At that point, that's all I need and I feel good. But then once it gets into this section, I'm like, who is this? I understand that Adrian Brody wants to kill that kid. Yes. Right. Yes.

That's, I know that. And their brother. And their brothers, right? Yes. And their brothers. And... Right, the kid is Adrian Brody's brother. Right.

Or his cousin or some sort of related... I think it's his brother. I think it's his brother too, because his dad... Because they all... Because he's being passed over for the wife. No,. I think it's his brother too because his dad is over for the Okay, so bubbles died in 2009 just oh Bubbles well those quite he was 50 years old you oh, sorry. That was Michael Jackson

Oh wait wait so bubbles did not go to Michael Jackson's memorial service what snub Snub? He wasn't invited. Oh, no, he's still alive. He is. So Michael Jackson died to tell the story. Yes, yes, sorry, sorry, yes, sorry. I got a little confused. This is a wild ride. Yes, he is living in the center of Great Apes Sanctuary in Wachula, Florida. That makes me genuinely really happy.

Yeah, he's alive and well. I don't know why. Oh, hell. Holy cow. No, OK, so. Yes. So, Adrian Brody's dad was like, I think Adrian Brody might be a fucked up asshole.

I think Adrian Brody might be Adrian Brody. Yeah, he was like, I think he might, so he was like, so I'm gonna make my young, sweet kid with the apparatic voice my ruler. And so then he made a treaty with the Parthians. Right. Being like, I just want to make this treaty so you recognize this kid as my successor. Do you want to hear his whole evil plan that he lays out in an amazing riff of exposition?

Oh yeah. Always. All right, here we go. If I hadn't purposely let you escape, purposely, do you really think you and Publius would get this far? Who could blame me for pursuing you? I mean, thank you for the perfect excuse to bring my troops here. I had already plotted this with Woe's subordinate, Yin Po. Yin Po gave me the customs clearance document and the commander's seal. Had already plotted this with was subordinate in poor poor

gave me the customs clearance document and the commander's seal Customs clearance document is very dramatically several times and the commander's seal they talk about these things all the time This is this to me is like the reverse bad like villain plan of James Bond's like everything that happened happened for a reason like villain plan of James Bond's like everything that happened happened for a reason and there it was and it was all me. But none of it falls into place for you. Like I don't know who any of the people he's talking to are. I'm not tracking commander's seals or tax documents. These are not the components of the...

Oh, the customs documents. As far as I'm concerned, I'm watching a movie about enemies becoming best friends in building a city Right and it is like not anymore There is like a parallel just whole movie going on which we're not privy to right first 56 minute and then he comes in fully doing that by the way I would see I would happily watch another movie that is the that is the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead of this movie Where and we start with Adrian Brody and we arrive at this movie. Yeah. Well, let's talk about structure for a second.

Is there any problem with starting this movie with Adrian Brody? Why not? And that kid, and then telling that story because that seemingly is the story. That's the whole reason for the- I think if this is a Chinese movie, I suspect the story is about the Silk Road

and not about like the Roman- Structural. The hierarchy of Roman royalty. But it's a weird way to start it though, because it's like, all right, well, not about like the Roman, the hierarchy of Roman royalty. But it's a weird way to start it though, because it's like, all right, well, then to tell this story, we won't tell the whole first part of it until we're in the third act.

So then you get context for the story. That's why they have to do weird flashbacks and flash forwards of Adrian Brode. This movie is Rosencrantz and Guildenstern because it's the inconsequential part of this story. By the way, don't tell China that. No offense, but Paul speaks for Paul and Paul alone. Sorry, my brothers, I did not mean to insult the film, which is a great movie.

I think Alibaba, who put money into it. Yes, yes. This movie has more production credits than like the population of a small town. Yeah, it is clearly, you know, and it was in all the press for it, you get like John Cusack being asked, so like, what made you want to do a Mandarin movie? And he's clearly there being like, I didn't,

I mean, I wasn't, I'm not. John Cusack is low key like making crazy fun choices now. Yes. He's like in that Nicolas Cage territory, he was like, whoa, great. And I think- He's full blown Nicolas Cage in this. I think he's like in that Nicolas Cage territory was like whoa great and I full-blown Nicolas Cage in this I think he's done what Nicolas Cage was doing on con air and was like oh I get what I told I mean this is a story tell all the time when we had Danny Trejo on the show here He said the most dangerous person that he encountered on that con air plane was John Cusack

He said that's the person I'm most afraid of he says because when you look in his eyes He's got something that's crazy in there. You don't trust it. Danny Trayhill going of that insane cast. You got Malkovich, you got Buscemi, you have all these great people that are known for being like these wild cards. John Cusack, the guy who's in a suit and tie for the entire thing is like, that's the guy I was like, no sir. Which I always love. I love that.. He's like, that's the guy. I was like, no, sir. Which I always love. I love that. It's like, he's not even doing an insane performance.

No, no. John Fusack was the first person who made me try vaping. Really? Yeah, I overlapped with him for like two days on a film. And I was like, I ran into him outside and he was like, have you tried this? And at that point I was like, no. And he was like, you gotta try it.

It's amazing. I'm like like wouldn't give up until I tried Wow, are you still vaping? No No, but I also I so vividly remember he was like it's great You can do it on airplanes and I was like I don't think you can and he was like no You can do it on airplanes full of No, you absolutely can. And I went. He's like, you can do it on airplanes full of prisoners being transported.

But I just remember saying to him, I was like, oh no, I think you can do it on airplanes. I don't think they'll let me do it on airplanes. You know, when people are watching you scared as you go into the bathroom on a plane, you can, once you're in that bathroom, you can do whatever you want. Yeah.

Junkies does have a terrible death scene in this. His eyes have been plucked out. Jackie Chan tries not very hard to free him. No, it seemed like there were leather straps holding his hands and Jackie Chan. Yeah, but like Jackie Chan just went for the chains with a knife and I was like, I don't think that's gonna work.

There might be another way. I agree. I think there's like three, well, there's two that I'm sure of, but three possibly mercy killings in this film. So you've got Falco going over the cliff with his boy. Yeah. Then you've got Jackie Chan in this scene

shooting Jungkook with an arrow in the face. I'm sorry, everybody. And then there's also a scene early on, at some point, when Jackie Chan and John Kuzma are talking, they flash back to Jackie Chan and his sister when he was young, trying to escape from somewhere. Oh yeah.

And I think, like, did he kill her? Yeah, they see her. Was she too loud? Well, that's the thing, I think he was saying she was too loud, so they got caught, but all we see is him smothering her too. Yeah, it seems like they imply that he smothers his sister. Wait, this is that scene from Mesh?

It was a baby. I thought it was like, she wouldn't be quiet, and he was holding her mouth, and then they were like, who's that crying baby? It's her, and then they killed her. But you're right, they would have killed him. But then they would have killed him as well. And also, the way they choose to tell that story is to show him covering her mouth with his

When he was doing it he was like I'm a nice guy Then the whole thing is told in the sort of context of a story of him telling but like we've all got you know trouble We all got some of us killed our sisters Motivation for him to want peace forever because he murdered The Silk Road protection squad I mean the SRPS. Oh My god this movie member the SRPS. What are you talking about SRPS here to take care of things? Oh my God. This movie. Yeah, I'm a member of the SRPS. What are you talking about? SRPS here to take care of things.

Oh my gosh. Well, obviously there's a lot to be said about this movie. We obviously have opinions, but there are people out there with a different opinion. Now it's time for second opinions. U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A.

U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A. The movie was a piece of shit. This is so good. This person recommends it. Tell me what is the message.

Maybe that art is subjective. I need a second opinion. That is John Lajoie, who is in the car with me and that ghost monkey and also who has five songs right now in the Lego movie five original songs. Yeah, so Lego to Lego to sweet. So John LeJoy killing it. All right. Here is a great review. It's a little bit long, but I think it's worth it It is titled All right, here is a great review. It's a little bit long, but I think it's worth it. It is titled, Hot Mess with a Heart of Gold,

five-star review. I am a professional ancient historian, and I can assure everyone that the accuracy is not part of the equation here. I just wanna interrupt for one quick second. Dan, did you write this? Yeah. Yeah.

The plot is often incoherent, and one gets the impression that the background research consisted of watching Gladiator a couple of times. The moral is dropped repeatedly like an anvil tied to a quasi-Vitruvian crane into the audience and the revisionism and Chinese nationalism is pretty thickly spread.

But oh, if you take it for what it is, a big hammy movie with its heart firmly located in the right place, then it is incredibly fun. I was not bored. I was touched. I was entertained. Yes, it's wildly inaccurate. No, you can't do that with swords.

Parthia was the first century BC. It was not ruled by a woman. Carthia has nothing to do with the dynastic struggle between Crassus brothers over the Consulship. Wait, what? And Crassus was not in Parthia to nothing to do with the dynastic struggle between Crassus brothers over the Consulship. Wait, what? And Crassus was not in Parthi to sign a peace treaty. Rome did not, as it happens, have a national anthem, but the movie gets points for passable Latin grammar and said anthem.

I could go on and on, but again, that's not the point. The sincere wish is to tell a story about how East and West and places in between can learn to treat each other with respect and the scenery-chewing campiness is a likeability factor that makes the inaccuracy kind of fun. It's a lot better than Disney's Hercules and that awful Eagle movie. I don't know what that is. What? Iron Eagle?

I anticipate some- I love it if it was Iron Eagle. Jason Gedrick and Lewis Gossett Jr. I anticipate some very interesting conversations with my students about this thing. Five stars. You couldn't make your students watch I didn't write that but he does speak for me Files in a class and my professor made me watch this movie. I would drop out of college You'd be like that kid who dropped the book that would be the

This is not worth learning. You've misunderstood with learning is buddy. I love the fact that he's like Yeah, I do I really enjoy that review because he's come to it with the right he knows a lot and it's taken But yeah, he's like he's all the fall. I completely agree with that review Well, that's a great that's I love that reveal that that is a made-up Latin anthem. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, that's pretty great. Yeah, they were like when they were making it up They were like we need it to be at least like four and a half minutes Just like every song in this movie. I think they're the reviews here pretty Like pedestrian so they only have two that are really good. This one is from Jilly

And it's just titled Dragon Blade peace at last I call upon all of you to come together from foe to friend. And so whatever way we shall create heaven on earth, as it was in the beginning, now until forever, love will prevail. This is not a movie about war, is an epic story of the hero's journey. All hail our fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters,

sons and daughters. One word, I am,. One word I am. We are all one love. Loving you forever. Love, Jilly. Five stars. Right. Jilly really got in there. Just like motorists. Really a message of real love.

I also just don't understand like they made a big deal out of this heaven on earth. It didn't seem like heaven on earth. It just seemed like a work camp where people got along. Yeah, it seemed that everyone got on really well. And there was something sort of, and I also do love the other review mentioned, like the Chinese nationalism, like those moments where they're just like,

where they're talking to John Cusack about like, you're Romans, you kill people. We're Chinese, we just save people. It was like, yeah, I mean, I think war was pretty common throughout the ancient world. I did a little research too. Like this, the Silk Road, they were killing people. The Han dynasty, which is what this,

like what Jackie Chan works for, were brutal. Like, and that's no big deal. No, everyone was, that was the time. That's what we was doing, we were cutting off heads. It's a bizarre thing to be like, and we were the, we were the nicest. And we were the agents of peace. When armies would call me,

hey, wanna like get some dinner? Let's like. We were part of the protection squad, guys. We are good guys. It's such a bizarre, it is a bizarre way to rewrite history in such, like it's just like, but what are we hiding from? Yeah, to what end?

Yeah, to what end? Yeah, I mean, yeah. But yeah. I'm so happy to have watched this movie because it is it to me is It's unlike anything else because very rarely do you see like a 65 million dollar big budget big action movie that is Shoving all these things in there because it is you have everything that you cut a watered It's such a it is so cluttered with extraneous characters and plot lines and nonsense.

There's just, it's bloated and crazy. Did it do well? I mean, I'm assuming in China it did massively well. Well, you know, like, well, first of all there's a couple of facts here. The budget, like I said, was 65 million. The opening weekend here in the States in only 14 theaters was $30,000.

But the domestic, oh wait, no, maybe it was 30 million? No. No. Couldn't have been. All right, oh yeah, sorry. So what it grossed worldwide was $121 million. So huge, huge success. This movie came in 409th place

of all the movies made in 2015. Normally we've never done any of the movies that are below 200. Yeah. Yeah, we really made you guys. That's gotta be domestic box office. That's domestic. That's based on domestic.

Yeah, okay. And then this is the top movies of 2015 are The Force Awakens, Jurassic World, and Avengers Age of Ultron. And it was beaten on this show by movies like Furious Seven, Jupiter Ascending, and The Boy Next Door. But yeah, I mean, this- That's the thing, I would watch this movie

over Jupiter Ascending again and just die. Disagree. Jupiter Ascending, I always applaud for, like, you're doing something. I don't always agree with what they're doing, but I'm like, I'm on board. That's how I felt about Aquaman. I'm like crazy.

We've lost so many hours to both of those movies. Yeah. Like we've just, like we're just pouring our days away on this nonsense. You chose to do this. I know. Now we're trapped. Now you're just locked in.

Now we're trapped, it's awful. The tagline of this movie, Dragon Blade, would you like, I'll just read it to you. Dragon Blade, wait, Dragon Blade. Dragon Blade, neither blade nor dragon. Just friends. Anyone else want to take a shot? I think I know it vaguely. When eagle meets the dragon.

What? Wait, is, whoa, hang on. I think I know it vaguely. Okay. When eagle meets the dragon. Yeah. What? What? Wait is, whoa, hang on. So the dragon is just China and the eagle is the Roman Empire. So is Jackie Chan supposed to symbolize the dragon blade? I guess he is the dragon blade.

Like the blade of China or whatever he's meant to rip. Oh wow, that's interesting. So when John Cusack tries to pick up his sword, he is really trying to pick up the dragon blade. That is the dragon blade we figured it out It's interesting because Jackie Chan wants to never use his sword Yes, his preferred weapon is the guard the arm guard That he keeps on his belt

This movie does a lot of a sword onto shield work I feel like they're always like, oh, you're always seeing people like jam it Oh, well, you got shield seeing people like jam, like, oh wow, you got shield work. And like good accessorizing, like there's one shot where like Jackie Chan re-sheathes somebody else's sword in the coolest, most aggressive way. Does Adrian Brody kill himself at the end of the movie?

Yes. With the threat, with that- Well, he's dying. Yeah, but does he stab himself? Yes. So even in the final moment of the film, the victory over the true villain, Jackie Chan cannot commit that murder. By the way, that was a- Adrian Brody has to kill himself in order for Jackie Chan to win.

And why are we- That's wild. And why is that fight scene so anticlimactic? It's like, all right, let's see a fight. I actually didn't mind that fight scene. Oh, really? Because I think I was just so happy To be watching where I was aware that I was watching a lot of Adrian Brody in it I got it. I'm doing some cool sword stuff right learn stuff. Oh, she practiced practice

More into that they established they were like here is a man who has been fighting for like gotta be two hours at this point He is broken. He has been stabbed Oh, yeah, and shot with arrows and we're gonna put him up against a perfectly healthy. Okay. Yeah, and So yeah, it's not the best fight because it's mostly just a beat But like not killing him yeah so that he has another chance to get up again Yeah, and then break his arm backwards, which was a yeah I mean that I like I respect for that And there was another shot in the movie that I liked,

where there was, just in terms of like, I like a good inventive death, and there was like one shot where somebody was like, somehow a gigantic bow and arrow was used to like shoot something through somebody's head up very close. Oh, yes. Like, ah, well that was cool. He used a guy's head to like pull back the bow, right?

And shoot someone in front. I like when they built the and shoot someone in front. I like when they built the transformer out of their shields. They're like, oh, we can do this, like the rocks, everything is rocks. They put a little guy in there. That was my favorite thing.

It was like the 18. The Roman shields are great against arrows, swords, but rocks, fuck them up apparently. They're like, throw the rocks, throw the rocks. If only there had been more rocks around, the Roman Empire might not have built so far. Thank God they built those walls to figure out what rocks are.

And then they were like, then it became like a comedy scene, like, pick up this giant ionic column. And they're throwing columns. Paul, I hate to interrupt. It's a dork column. It's a dork, it's definitely a dork column. This movie.

How about when they put a rock on the shields and slide it through? You could layer in Yakety Sax to 90% of this movie. Please do. Also, this is the seventh film that Jackie Chan has done with the word dragon in the title. I did notice when I Googled it yesterday, I was like, this isn't even the, this is like the 10th Google search result that is being suggested.

Yeah, if you Google Jackie Chan dragon. It's like. Dragon Blade, I just, I was shocked when I got, when I wrote the note, like so late into the movie, wait, is there no dragon and no blade? I wrote that down too. It was crazy, it had not even occurred to me that at no point do we see a dragon or a blade

or hear what that is. I was just like, dragon blade whatever. I kept expecting. I kept expecting that to be so. Because Dragon Blade would be such a boring title if it was like, Regum. Like you wouldn't be like, ooh, I wanna go see Regum. Like, you know, you have to,

it has to seem like a fighting movie. Regum sounds like it's a word backwards. Yeah. Like red rum. Yeah. Yeah. Well, rum. Yeah. Well, I think we're going to be split on this. Dan, do you recommend people seeing this movie? I do.

I do for Adrian Brody's full commitment for Jackie Chan's fighting and for John Cusack, just being John Cusack in this context. It's so good. I want to just pile on what you're saying here. And I know we've talked about Adrian Brody in a few ways here, but I like the way that he commits Nicholas Cage. I love Nicholas Cage

But he sometimes can go overboard and I feel like Adrian Brody is doing the right level of like camp. It kind of feels like it's not like pulling you out. You're like, oh you got your Yeah, no issue, but not he's making Making big choices. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely Erin, what do you think? Yeah, you know, I recommend he knows what he's in and he's having fun. He's making big choices. Yeah, absolutely. Aaron, what do you think? Yeah, you know I recommend seeing it. Yeah, as a two-time. Yes, as a two-time viewer, as a two-time date night viewer.

Oh, god. I'm, you know, I'm gonna say, yeah. I believe in this relationship. I mean, it's built on good stuff. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah, um, yeah, I'd watch it again. You'd watch it again? I mean, give me a few years. That's what I'm saying. Give me two years.

I will forget everything that we just talked about. I could watch it again and be re-amused by all of it. I can see that. I can see that. June is shooting Grace and Frankie right now, and she was, got home late last night, and when she got home, she walked in right at the part where Jackie Chan breaks Adrienne Brody's arm and she's walking in, she's like,

what the fuck are you watching? And then just walked into the next room. There was a part of me that was a tiny bit relieved that she couldn't be here today because I was like, I feel like Paul and Jason are gonna be mad that they had to watch this movie But I feel like June would be June really mad when I saw how much Subtitles was like she is not gonna be Because also I was writing notes and then like look up me. What did I miss and then I never rewind and then I'm like now

I'm like wasting time. No, you're rewinding a movie for this podcast, you're in bad shape. No, that's my playlist last night. You're like just making the time longer. Yeah. Jason, what do you think? You know, I did not care for this. I don't disagree, though. It is a lot of fun.

There is huge choices being made here. Adrian Brody is doing like next level craziness. Jackie Chan I always am just delighted by. He is so compelling. Yeah. Makes me want to watch a better Jackie Chan. It's such a compelling screen presence. It's really great. The movie is yeah I mean sort of I would say watch it. Yeah fast- forward. Yes Confusion and yes, you'll be happy. I think fast forward through some of the kind of chaotic battle scenes I think you can the dialogue but watch every every two-person scene Watch all of the the city being built friendship montages anytime you see Falco

Yeah, you gotta stop Falco and the little boy Falco is Falco also the name of the artist who sang rock me on my day is which I can only assume maybe this is that character I would love it if the closing credits were just that actor singing rock me on my day rock me on my day it's like he's falling I'm I'm to the... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,, you know, because they have international appeal, so they got them and they, it's a real mishmash. It's a stew. And you know what? Stews may not be the thing that you go out

to eat dinner and get, but it's hearty and it's filling. And you know what? And it's always, it's gonna fill you up and not let you down. So this is the stew of movies. Put that on the Blu-ray box. The stew of movies. Dan, you have a brand new show, Put that on the Blu-ray box.

Let's do all movies. Dan, you have a brand new show which is hilariously funny on TBS called Miracle Workers. It premiered this week. You want to tell us about it? Yeah, it's a show for TBS with myself and Steve Bichemi and Geraldine Viswanathan and Karen Soanyi and Lolly Adafope and lots of very, very funny people. Amazing writers written by a guy called Simon Rich. Who is hilarious and his books are fantastic. This one, Athon and Karen Soni and Lolly Adafope and lots of very, very funny people. Amazing writers written by a guy called Simon Rich. Who is hilarious in his books.

He created Man Seeking Woman. He created Man Seeking Woman. And was an SNL, a very prolific SNL writer. Just one of the most brilliant funny people that I've worked with. But what is it about? It's a comedy set in heaven. Basically I play an angel who is working in the department of answering prayers, which is a really shitty job to have, it turns out, in heaven. And

then a series of events happen which end with God deciding to end the world and open a restaurant. That's his new thing, as he wants to do. And so we, over the course of the series, have to basically convince him not to through various. I love it. And then season two is an episode of Kitchen Nightmares. We accept that it's God instead of Gordon Ramsay. It's an anthology, so season two, if we're lucky enough to get one,

we don't know what it would be yet, which is awesome. But yeah, so basically, TBS have let us make a super long movie with an ending and everything. That's so awesome. But yeah, we have it. So basically TBS has let us make a super long movie with an ending and everything. So yeah, it's really, really cool. That's every Tuesday night at 10.30, right? 10.30, yeah. That's great.

Erin, what do you got? What do you want to tell people? Because you and I, we did this movie, Summer of Three. That came out on the DVD, which I don't know. And on demand and on iTunes. Oh yeah, you can do all those things too. Yeah, you can do all those things. There is a niceness to have like a physical copy of it. Yeah. But there'semanding on iTunes. Oh yeah, you can do all those things too. Yeah. You can do all those things. I like, there is a niceness to have like a physical copy

of it. Yeah. But there's nothing extra on it. That's why I always. There's no extras? I don't think so. I didn't know. Are there any extras on the VHS?

There is a lot of extras on the, it's one of those double VHSs. Oh yeah. But how could people follow you online and stuff like that? Oh, I'm on Twitter. You're, your tweet. I can't remember my Twitter handle. Oh, no, wait.

You're a tweet. You're terrible at promotion. You had a tweet that made me laugh. I'm really bad. So you had a tweet of like, where you predicted that the singer from Room 5 was gonna take off his shirt. Yeah, no, this genuinely happened.

Halfway through the Halftime Show, I turned to my friend and I was like, is he gonna like take off a shirt for each new song? Yeah. And then he did, and he didn't stop at the tank top. Thank God. Thank God otherwise we wouldn't have been able to see his shark tattoo.

But if those are fake tattoos. That's all fake tattoos. It's fake tattoos, right? No, it has to be. No. We were having a debate. They looked fake to me. Really?

I think they're real. If those are fake, that's crazy. I thought they were fake. If those are fake, he would be being roasted right now. Yeah, that's something like a teenager does. Is he not being roasted right now? He has the word California written across his belly in like, I don't know, 76 font.

It's so big. Nothing will ever be like, well, hey, obviously Ben Affleck's tattoo. Oh, so. But that was a fake one. No, it's real. That's real, Paul. Oh, no. I'm pretty sure it's real. That's real, Paul. Oh no. I'm pretty sure it's real.

Whoa. If you don't, for the people who don't know. It's a Phoenix rising. Ed Sheeran, Ed Sheeran also has crazy tattoos. Ed Sheeran has a lion in the middle of his chest. What? Like a gigantic lion. But to be fair.

The stuff you would not expect. Neither Van Appelek or Ed Sheeran have made me look at them in the middle of the Super Bowl. I guess you're right. These Adam Levine tattoos are real. They're real. Wow, I thought he was doing a Cape Fear thing. I'm going to put funny tattoos. I thought that was a funny scene.

Wait a minute. Do you think Cape Fear is a comedy? Yeah. I thought the comedy was like, is Cape Fear is a comedy? Yeah, I mean, that's how it got into comedy. Cause he's Cape Fear's parent. Remember, he's laughing in the movie theater. It's a comedy. It's a comedy. It's like, what about Bob, but a little scary. It's so many of my favorite comedians.

Robert De Niro, Nick Nolte, Juliette Lewis. When he, like, when he, remember when he gets his finger like caught in a retainer, it's like funny. It's like a... It's like so funny Jason what do you? What do you want to plug here? I will plug I don't know you can know the long dumb road is available now also on Blu-ray and all those things those are great and on demand or whatever I appreciate that and then that's about it. All right great, and I will continue to plug black Monday, which is on

Sunday nights at 10 o'clock on Showtime with the show that I'm on with Don Cheadle Regina Hall and Andrew Rannells it takes place in 1987 at the stock market crash and This is the the fourth episode this week And I think you're starting to see a bunch of really fun stuff if you can catch up on it right now if you go To Showtime comm and enter in the code Black Monday, you can get a free 30 days of Showtime on me. Oh wow. On me, there you go, Black Monday.

Black Monday, all one word? All one word, and you can get a free subscription there, and I think you really dig it. It's fun, and I love doing the show, and I'm so excited to get to- Great show, crazy funny cast. Yeah. Super funny show, hard, hard jokes. Yeah, I had a very romantic scene with a man in a Mr. Met's costume, which I feel loved that I got to do.

Which you had asked for. I did. I just did be able to do a dramatic like monologue to a man in a full costume that you cannot read any emotion on their face. Like was one of my favorite things. The shot is his face is in the front, like is in the foreground and I'm in the background over his shoulder. And you're just watching this monologue with no change of emotion. That's so funny.

It's a fun show. So showtime, Black Monday every Sunday night. All right, that is the end of this conversation but we want to continue the conversation with you. Make sure you listen to next week's mini episode where you can call in at 619-P-A-U-L-A-S-K. Leave your comments about Dragon Blade or your comments about life,

and I will answer your questions, concerns, life dilemmas. I'm here for you. And a big thank you to Avril Haley for pulling these clips and remembering that Dan and Erin wanted to do this movie. Also, Nate Kiley for doing the research on a movie that was so hard to do research for. Of course, Kelly Alto, Cody,

who puts this whole show together as our producer, now a senior producer here at Deerwolf, and Devin in the booth. We got a great team. Everybody here at Deerwolf supports us and we love that. So we'll see you next week for our mini episode. People, oh, make sure you follow us on Instagram too, because guess what?

We got a brand new artwork up there from our friend Kyle Waldron. He's killing it nonstop. All right, and sign up for our mailing list because we have some announcements about some touring shows that are coming up. We will see you next week. Bye for now.