How Did This Get Made? - Matinee Monday: Holiday in Handcuffs (w/ Jessica St. Clair)

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

Jessica St. Clair (The Deep Dive) joins Paul and Jason to discuss the 2007 ABC family holiday film Holiday in Handcuffs starring Melissa Joan Hart and Mario Lopez. They talk about the rough lighting, party perms, Jessica’s Mario Lopez story, and Paul’s personal relationship with three of the cast members of the movie. Plus, everyone is determined to find out the truth behind Mario Lopez’s chest hair. (Originally Released 12/20/2018) Tix for our Spring 2025 tour in Austin, Denver, Seattle, Boise, San Fran, Portland, & Los Angeles are on sale now at hdtgm.com.Order Paul’s book about his childhood: Joyful Recollections of TraumaFor extra content on Matinee Monday movies, visit Paul's YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheerTalk bad movies on the HDTGM Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheerFollow Paul’s movie recs on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer/Check out new HDTGM movie merch over at teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmPaul and Rob Huebel stream live on Twitch every Thursday 8-10pm EST: www.twitch.tv/friendzoneLike good movies too? Subscribe to Unspooled with Paul and Amy Nicholson: listen.earwolf.com/unspooledSubscribe to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael: www.thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcastWhere to find Paul, June, & Jason:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on social mediaGet access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using the link: siriusxm.com/hdtgm.

What if misery was a comedy and a Christmas movie? We saw holidays in handcuffs, so you know what that means. Now it's time for How Did This Get Paid? We're gonna have a good time, celebrate some failure, not just be a hater, cause you know you wonder How Did This Get Paid? Let's follow in the mediocrity of subpar art. Perhaps you'll find the answer to the question

How Did This Get Paid? Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to a holiday edition of support art. Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made? Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to a holiday edition of How Did This Get Made? It's our yearly Christmas film. I am joined, as always, by Jason Manzuchas. How are you, Jason? This movie made me feel like a real Grinch. Ha ha!

Like a real Grinch. I was heart warmed by it. That's not possible. And Melissa Joan heart warmed, nailed it. And June Diane Raphael, how are you June? I'm okay. I'm okay. Wow.

I'm okay. Wow. For the holidays, just okay. And I'm very excited, cause I think a lot of our listeners have been asking for this guest to join this crew and especially in studio, welcome the fantastically talented and hilarious Jessica Sinclair.

You know, it isn't often that two women are allowed on a podcast to speak. To speak freely. And I just wanna, and I feel like it's the right time. Let me explain what I think Jessica's trying to say. Uh oh. This is what I think Jessica's trying to say. Ah.

Jess, so excited to have you here for our Christmas spectacular. June and I are dressed identically. Quite similarly. And we spent all day together. You know how we know that's not true? Cause you were just 40 minutes late. That's right. dressed identically and we spent all day together. You know how we know that's not true? Cause you were just 40 minutes late.

That's right. We left each other and then I don't know what happened. Jessica went into a fugue state. Seriously, much like Melissa Joan Hart, which she kidnapped. Good old Dimps. Let's just say this movie came out. Dimps, Mickey. old Dimps. Let's just say this movie came out. Dimps, Mickey.

Double Dimps. This movie, Holiday in Handcuffs, was a ABC original film that came out in 2007. And this has been something that I know June has been asking for and I thought maybe Jess, you said that too, the idea of like, let's do like a Hallmark. Okay, time out.

This is not a Lifetime or Hallmark movie. And I do feel like I need to make that distinction. You requested this specific one. This is very close to that. It's an ABC family. Here's Paul, production value wise, like what Lifetime and Hallmark are doing, lighting. They would never have shown her skin.

Never in the harsh light of Albany. They would never have shown her skin. Never in the harsh light of Albany. They would never have done that. We showed in the crevices. Now I saw white heads. I saw all the matter of things. I know, I would say that the lighting was a little harsh, especially in the opening of this film. Last looks?

It was rough. Last looks. Please run in. Was it a choice? No, God no. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was.

It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was.

It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was.

It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. haircut I had in college. Yes. I'm remembering a headshot of you circa 2000. That was that hair and then like a mock turtleneck. Yes. Did you post this recently on Instagram? A cowl neck. But even my hair looked better than this shit.

And like baggy jeans. And a baggy jean. But even my hair looked better. So at first I was blaming it on the time. Because what year did you think about it? 2007. No, that's too late blaming it on the time. Cause what year did we come out? 2007. 2007. No, that's too late.

That's too late. That's way too late. And would it surprise you, I know you said, I know you said that you were talking just a second ago about the budget, the budget. Would it surprise you if I told you this movie was $5 million? No, my God, no.

What? Five million dollar budget. For what? It's basically two locations. Yeah. It's that restaurant and it's that cabin and the cabin is just a VRBO for the week Like 150 a day sleeps eight with a rollaway guys Shooting porn in it at night. I will said I do want to just say one thing before we get too deep into this episode.

I do have a personal relationship with three of the lead people in this film. What are you talking about? I will reveal each one, maybe, like the ghosts of Christmas Past Future. Did you fuck Melissa Johart? Did you fuck Markey Post? Well, I can tell you, you can pick whoever you'd like to hear.

I'll tell you the Markey Post. Let's start with Markey Post, please, and thank you. When I was out in LA for the very first time, I was in sixth grade, and my dad and I did something called Hollywood- Not another sad childhood tale. Hollywood On Location, where you would drive to a, you would drive to an office where they collected

all the permits of everything that was shooting in town, and then you would drive to the locations, and then hang out and wait to meet people. So we met Michael Landon shooting Highway to Heaven. We met Simon and Simon shooting Simon and Simon. I met Christopher Walken shooting that movie Communion. And I met Markie Post shooting a movie where she was a hooker.

And I was so excited because I had seen, I was a huge because I had seen, I was a huge fan of Night Court, and I really wanted to meet her, but she was dressed very much like what you would think in the 1980s TV movie of a prostitute would look like. She was, and- A lot of pleather or like a-

Yes. Yeah, like what Julia, like a bad version of Julia Roberts, a pretty woman. Yes, exactly. And she's got the double D's for sure. Who, like what Julia like a bad version of Julia Roberts. Yes, exactly So she's got the double D's for sure Markey Post. Markey Post was working with a lot up top during this film. Yeah, I know she's stacked. It's all I could notice! Hahaha!

It is all I could notice in those cardigans. Well, my dad had to like kind of introduce the concept to me of What she was playing. Oh, you didn't know what a hooker was. Yeah, I just kind of just thought this is a person from Night Court. Where is this story going? So then my dad brought me down and she's like, where, where, where? So you lost your virginity. But yeah, so Marky Post was one of the first autographs I ever got.

Which she is? She was lovely. I mean also I'm a young little kid running up to Markey Post. This is the time of year it was, or the year it was where it was like, the cop was like, you wanna meet Markey Post? I'll bring you right to her trailer.

Like that's insane. Wow. Knock, knock, knock. She opened up the door and I went up to her step and got her autograph on the step of her trailer. Do you still have an autograph book? Oh yeah. Oh, that's great.

I also have it, I thought someone was famous, but he was just the stunt coordinator for the Miami Vice stunt spectacular at Universal Studios. Still great. And I have that and it's a big, big autograph. Like, he almost signed half my page. I also met David Carradine on that trip and he signed with a yin and yang.

So that's my first story. Christopher Walken did separate me from my father and bring me into a private room. Like he wouldn't meet my dad with me. He's like, they said Christopher Walken will meet you, but not with your dad. And I walked into a private room and he got down on his knees and he looked me in the eyes

and talked to me. And he gave you the pulp fiction speech. Ah! So that was just, And was like, I'm working on this for a new project. Do you think it works? He was like, I won't do an impression because it's so good and I don't want to make you guys intimidated.

But he was like, hello. Do you want Kevin Pollock to come in here and do it? We can get KP to come in. I'll have him write it. Oh, June and Jess are wearing the same sunglasses and the same top. Please put them on for the picture in the podcast. This is crazy.

Anyway, so Marky Post, dear- You tell me where you got them. So when I had him, I got him. Marky Post, dear close personal friend of mine, this movie is insane. For a premise, it's insane. I don't know. What? I mean, to even talk about the premise of this movie

is it's actually an insult to our intelligence. I find it, I find the entire movie insulting. Really? Like we all, well, and I don't know if I was looking at it through, because I knew June would be here and I wanted to impress her with my feminist views, but there is so much hatred.

Oh please, please June. In this post, now you guys make me watch a lot of post-apocalyptic films with trashcan fires. There's no trashcan. I was happy, I was like, oh good. This is actually, I believe, a post-apocalyptic film where everybody hates women. One of the first things it said to her is like,

you fucking bitch, like when she let a man cut in front of her, people hate women in this movie, women hate themselves. And I hate women too. Wow. Did a woman write this movie? Yes. They, we need to find them, knock on their trailer door and have some words.

I want to go back to her hair for another minute. I just want to make sure we're not done there. Cause there's a lot more to unpack. So it's 2007 and she gives herself a home perm. A permanent. Accidentally. No, that's not correct. She was trying to get curls.

But that's a perm. That's a perm. And people have not given themselves their own perm. Even a looser curl is a perm? Even a looser curl is a perm. I thought a perm was like the tight curls that she ends up with because she kept it on too long. She's putting a chemical solution in her hair. To give her.

That is also called a party perm. You don't do that to get a curl. Did you ever get a perm? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't a chemical solution in her hair. Right. Right. To give her. That is also called. You don't do that to get a curl. A party perm. Did you ever get a party perm? Let me ask you this. She sets a timer, but she doesn't hear it ding, so she keeps the stuff on too long, which makes it kinky, like crazy curly. What I would,

you know, like the old school 80s perm. And she looks preposterous. And let's just kind of say like the reason why she doesn't know that it's left in there too long is because she accidentally puts part of her towel over the egg timer. So, you know, really dampen, dampen the sound of the ding. Okay. I don't know what a party perm is. I don't know what type of perm you've done, Jason.

I don't know what, if that's a... Listen, Jason, her hair is not't know what, if that's a... Listen, Jason, her hair is not dissimilar to if we took your hair currently and put it on Melissa Joan Hart's head. Okay, I'm trying to not take offense at this. I cannot wait to see the listener art of this. This is gonna be amazing.

Okay guys, here's the challenge. Photoshop, I guess my hair onto Melissa Joan Hart's head. I'm so sorry, Melissa Joan Hart, for when inevitably you find out that this has happened. My sincerest apologies. I'm not wrong. No, you're not wrong. You're not unusual right now.

Here's what I'm gonna say. While you're at it, if you've already Photoshopped my hair, just throw it on Marquee Post. What the fuck? Give everybody Jason's hair. Everybody in this movie my hair. How old do you think she's supposed to be in this movie?

28. She says it, 28. 28, she says in the movie. So she's giving herself, you're telling me a party perm is something you do that's not permanent? No, in eighth grade, in sleepovers, we would give each other party perms and they would only last for a couple days. It looked very similar to that. So she's giving herself a party perm.

But it's not a party perm. I think she's... That's a real perm and nobody I know has ever given themselves a perm. You cannot physically, by the way. The physics of it don't line up. You'd never be able to get. And you're from Long Island. I know from Perms.

So if anybody could give themselves a perm, it would be you. And I wouldn't dare. I wouldn't dare. That says a lot. It really does. Now I had a perm in seventh grade. You go to a salon, it's like a full day affair.

Yeah. Are there pictures of this? My mom wouldn't let me get one. So well, I actually struggled. Why wouldn't she let you get it? Like, that doesn't seem like a- She made me have like a page boy till I was like 26.

She made you, that's your, what you just described is part of the problem in the movie too. That's true. Your mom is making you do things until you're 26. I'm not gonna tell you. That's a huge- 26. That is 26.

That part I resonated to in this movie. That part resonated. Really? Cause I was like, this movie. That part resonated. Really? Cause I was like, this is crazy that she's give, this family is giving this mother so much power. But I also don't- Have you met my family? Yes.

I also don't think that she's- Many times. I don't think that she's that badly off. She's living in a giant luxury loft apartment. One of the bigger New York city apartments I've- Is that New York city? No, it's not. I feel like it's like Poughkeepsie.

I mean, that's what I'm saying. It's like some sort of upstate-y area. Oh, really? I think it was supposed to be New York City. I think it was supposed to be New York. Wait, it was supposed to be New York. You're being serious, really? I thought so, but no.

I think so. I think that you stocked shots of New York. But I have no idea. Oh, you're right, because she was driving in that traffic. I just assumed that, because that Indian diner seems- That's also problematic. Yeah. Why in an Indian diner seems- That's also problematic. Yeah. Why in an Indian diner are people just

ordering cheeseburger and fries? And why was the Christmas special a hot dog? Yes, I clocked that as well. I was like, why is he offering hot dogs? On Christmas, I mean, that was, oh my gosh. And I see, I had a theory about this movie too, which is for, I have a couple of questions. She's dating-

I have a million questions. She's dating this very well to do. Nick. Nick. This. Who's like a proper hunk. Right. I thought he gave a great performance. I thought he did, but I thought he looked like a rat.

No, he was like, he, there's no, I couldn't figure out why they would be dating. Well, that's what I couldn't figure out. He seemed like, like some no, I couldn't figure out why they would be dating. Well, that's what I couldn't figure out. He seemed like some sort of finance douche and she is like, you know, like a weird artist kind of kooky character. Which by the way, an artist that we only are introduced to being an artist about an hour into the film.

How would I talk about her art for one to seven hours? I mean, her art is bad. You could pick her art to be anything, and yet they picked that. It's the kind of art that like, would be up in your local coffee shop. That's right. Or, I thought for sure.

And like, Colorado, Colorado. But I thought for sure, his condominiums were going to feature her artwork at the end. Oh yeah, I could see that. No, but no, he no he he bought her art He bought her art. I thought that's where we were headed like this artist so terrible. It should be in like yes Oh, like you're you chain of condos like like the oak woods or whatever

Which she only seemingly did like portraits, which I was like, why not just make her a photographer because it was just like, it was all- Who are those people? Oh, who are those people? And why was she, and why was all of her, I mean, I thought her art being in a photo book, it was very confusing to me.

It was very confusing to introduce the thrust of the main character so late in the game. She didn't seem like she had any desires or wants until he accidentally found that in her pocketbook. Also, I feel like the set- And she's carrying that around on a daily basis? I feel like the set designer was so psyched because she was like, just give me the night

and I'm gonna come up with these portraits. And like, you know, she was stuck going to Home Goods to get different types of, you know, potpourri things to put around the set. But she's like, this is my night to really create art. You know? How to discotheque. How to discotheque.

So she's dating this guy, Nick, who, I mean, clearly, I guess the reason that he wants to be with her is just because he wanted to have sex with her. There's no other, well, where could they have even met though? Well they are dating enough, they are dating enough that she has told her family about him, she's told her family she's bringing him to Christmas. He's agreed! He's agreed to go to Christmas with her family.

So they are dating, but they have not had sex yet because he says, he only said that he would go to Christmas with her family to get her in bed. Oh, no, no, no, no, I think he, they did have sex and now that they had sex he's like, I'm out. That's what I'm saying. Oh, okay, oh. He said I will go see your family before they had sex.

Oh, okay, yes. Then they had sex and now he's like, later skater, I'm outta here. I thought he was saying, I'm breaking up with you because you're boring, you're stupid, you don't have a job and also we have a- Did he say that? Are those?

Yeah, he said those words. Did he say you're boring and you're stupid, you don't have a job. And also we have- Did he say that? Yeah, he said those words. Did he say you're boring and you're stupid? He said those words, yeah. Basically like, but also we haven't had sex yet, so I feel okay. No, Jessica, they had sex. They had sex, and then he was like, you're dumped. Oh my God.

You're dumped. But this, in this movie, if we could look at it through the lens of the Handmaid's Tale, because I do feel, I haven't seen it. Let me just or hand myself for a second. You're saying you want to look at it through the lens of the Handmaid's Tale, which you have not seen. Have you read the book?

No. Okay, great. It's too scary. Please. Let's get into it. But the women are all guarding their virginity. Like the sister, there's a question about, has she been fucking all the guys she's with?

And she says, no, of course. So in this- And the mom also is having trouble with her sexuality. That's right, so in this 2007 world, women are not having sex out of wedlock, I don't believe. And if they are, they're being punished for it. No, of course they are. No, no, because Marky Post, my friend Marky Post says,

you boink a lot of people. I have only boinked one person. And she was kind of jealous when the sister was like, by the way, the parents don't even have names. They're just called Mom and Dad on IMDB. Mom and George Bush impersonator. He was one? By the way, I'm looking and go,

this guy looks like W. No, that's Timothy Bottoms. And then I looked and he did, he was looking and go, this guy looks like W. No, that's Timothy Bottoms. And then I looked and he did, he was a George Bush impersonator. He must be. He played, that's my president on Comedy Central. He was W. That's right. That's right.

And he made a very big career. I mean, he's also Timothy Bottoms. He's like a very famous 1970s actor from Last Picture Show and a bunch of movies. But he made a resurgence as W. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, because I was looking the whole time. He looks like he's in Harold and Kumar. He did a lot of stuff.

But the sister, she's like, I'm not sleeping with them, Mom. I thought that was Kristen Bell for a hot second. By the way, Kristen Bell also... I thought that, by the way, the brother and sister were a couple. I thought the brother and sister were a couple for that whole introductory scene. Well, there was a lot of sexual tension between the members of the family, I thought. I thought there was a lot of sexual tension

between Markey Post and the son. Yes, absolutely. I thought there was a lot of sexual tension between Melissa Joan Hart and the grandma. Yeah, that was it. And between Melissa Joan Hart and her gay brother. Yes. Oh, yeah. I thought they could all fuck.

Who do you think had sex on this film during the filming of it? Turned into fucking. Well, here's the big thing that we should all know about this film. They all had terrible stomach viruses. Okay, this makes total sense because there were several points

where I was looking at them and I know the lighting was terrible, but they were all sweating profusely. Like dimples was like so moist. And like the mascara had transferred as if someone had to say, I'm so sorry, give me a second, thrown up, come back to the scene. So basically Melissa Joan Hart brought her one-year-old son

to set and he got everyone in the house sick because they were in that cabin and they called the cabin the Petri dish. And June Lockhart got it the worst. She was the most sick, but they all had a terrible, terrible stomach flu. June Lockhart. So they have to look at it through this lens

and the lens of the heaven. Ah! So many lenses. I like the one that's sick. Wow. That's pretty nuts. Yeah, so they all, so let's give them props for acting through this movie.

I do not blame, and I want to be very clear, any of the actors for their performance. We have all been in things that the script is horrible, and they are not improvisers. They couldn't improve on it. They all are doing a good job. I'm gonna say something. I thought Mario Lopez did a fine job on this.

By the way, June, you are not wrong. An impossible role to make work because he is kidnapped at gun point and then he has to act the turn of getting into not just her, but this family and all of these dynamics. And you have to like abide that he's not running away. Constantly. We knew his objective moment to moment. He'd done the work. He is, he is.

And I thought to myself, he should have had a romantic comedy career. And you know what kept him from it? What's that? Those dimples are distracting. And also he's just a little too pretty. Too good looking? Too pretty.

Wow. Listen, that is a thing. You cannot be, you're not going to break as a comedic leading man if you're too pretty. Wow, interesting. And that's just the truth. Like, by some Mario Lopez, I would feel as a woman.

Here's what I'll say. It takes him having to wear a mask in Deadpool for Ryan Reynolds to become a comedic leading man. Yeah. Because up until that point, he is so handsome. And I would argue Mario blows him out of the water. People only want him to be the hunky guy. But he's like, oh wait, no, I'm actually quite funny. I could just wear a mask. No, no, no, not interested. We want you to be like hunky guy in these other movies. Should I talk about my experience with Mary Lopez? Would love to hear it. I also have something.

Oh, really? Well, what is yours? It's not that interesting. In my very sad first five months in Los Angeles, when I moved here and immediately the writer's strike happened and I fell into a deep and unending depression, there was a gym three blocks away that I used to walk to and just use, as Jason knows, the elliptical trainer until it turns off because I'm going so slow. It was owned by the son of the mob, of a mob boss. And it was a front basically.

And he was losing money and so he would rent it out as a photo studio. And he wouldn't tell anybody, so I showed up to do my elliptical trainer, and Mario Lopez was having a photo shoot where he was shirtless in front of me, and I- Wow, slowly. I went fucking bananas. Like, erotically? No, all of the anger about Los Angeles came bubbling up,

and I went crazy, and I walked up to the front, I said, this is unacceptable. And like, and I made a scene and he could see it and watch it and then I felt terrible about it. Because you didn't want to work out in front of a, I said, why am I being forced to do this? And then next week it closed its doors. Wow.

Did he put on his shirt while you were free? No, they just kept along with the shoot. It was just like, this is Los Angeles. It almost broke me. I almost didn't have a career and deprived America. Wow. It is. It's scary to think back on.

What you have had to overcome. I know. Listen, we could spend a whole. Really, it's really wild. By the way, I'm just seeing something right now and it's going off track for a second. So we've established that June and Jess have the same glasses. Jason, do you and I have the same glasses?

Oh. My God. Yes we do. Ah, this is so fucked up! Ah! This is very strange. What's happening here? So my Mario Lopez story was one of my first jobs ever was a UPN show called Make My Day.

It was a reality show where you made people's day by creating the best day possible. The problem was in the reveal because it wasn't like a prank. Like, oh, it's nothing going bad. It's just a prank show. Here you'd be like, nothing went good. It like a prank like how it's nothing going bad it's just a prank show here you beg nothing went good it was a prank show so you'd have to like your letdown would be this isn't real life yeah make my day oh I see so it was like we made their day and then we told them all fake it's all fake yeah like the universe is not here to support you yes so I all of your hopes and dreams aren't coming true so one of So one of the women on the show,

one of the women on the show loved Saved by the Bell, we got Mario Lopez to be this guy that she bumped into on the street. We got her on this tour bus, the double decker tour bus that I was the tour guide of, and it was called Celebrity Fishing, and we pick up Mario Lopez, and they go on, and Mario Lopez is kind of like,

starts casually talking to her. Oh, this is really sad. And so she thinks she's having this kind of fun connection, like he's talking to her. Like, this is really sad. And so like she thinks like she's like having this like kind of fun connection, like he's flirting with her. Now here's where it gets interesting. Like the whole day is planned out like moment to moment because all the cameras have to be in the right spot. So we know everything.

Mario decides to get off the bus. And with her, they disappear for three hours. No one knows where she is. No one can't get in touch with Mario. We don't know where they are for three hours. Disappear. And we are all sitting in New York, camera crews ready. Like we're in New York City.

We're all like, we're all like, we are like, where did he go? He won't answer his phone. What happened then three hours later. He came I said we just had a nice time together And that was that was it. We don't know what happened I think we know what happened, but I mean like does she have this is what I want to know Is she ever told she was on a reality? She was at the end of the day, yes. But who cares, she already is a master. I'm just on, excuse me? In like the bathroom at Rockefeller Center after they would skate in.

For three hours? Yeah, for three hours. Yeah, cause he's fucking hairless and built and shit. By the way, that is a rule in these shows. Is that your type? Yes, I dated a Hawaiian guy in high school. Hairless and jacked? Hairless.

There's not a hair in his body, and I don't think he's waxing. Oh, I think he's waxing. Me, Jessica, that is unappealing. Have you lost your mind? That is unappealing. You want like a Ken doll physique. God, I don't wanna know this.

My first sexual urge was for Ponch. Okay, from chips. And Mario is delivering me punch, like prime punch. Oh, please stop saying punch. Prime punch. Prime punch. Oh, God. I do feel like his shirtless scene, though,

was a real beat-cake moment. That's probably a T-shirt. Prime punch. Prime punch. Prime punch. Oh punch. Prime punch. Oh, prime punch doesn't sound like what it, what he's like, you want it to sound like. With just like dripping letters.

Yeah. Prime punch. I know that's it. Mario Lopez is a beautiful man. Very handsome. There's no way around it. Undeniable. No.

There's not a single way around it. Didn't he like cheat on his wife on their honeymoon? Well, this is by the way, when we shot this Make My Day, yes. When we shot shot this make my day it was right before he got married like Cheated on our his honeymoon. I think that's right Like 20 minutes Extra extra it's true and then he it wasn't it Ali It was a little rough. Mario moved as Honeymoon. Extra, extra. It's true, and then he, it wasn't it, Ali, um. Larder?

Andri? Oh, Ali Landry, yeah. Andri? Let's see. Oh my God, Jessica. I got, I cheated on Ali Landry. Who is that? Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Who is that? She is a spokesperson? Oh, she was like a Foxy Brunette. She's like a boss. A host. From that same era of that time. Exactly, she was another like Foxy host. He cheated at his bachelor party days before his wedding.

She was a Miss USA in 1996 and a Miss Universe in 1998. And they only were married for two weeks and he just wasn't ready to settle down. Yeah, he told the story on Howard Stern, that's how I know it. Yeah. Yeah. He is the kind of, he looks like the kind of guy

that goes down on somebody in like the honey hive. Yeah. You keep saying goes down on. He also on this movie. I like that you think all of his sexual exploits are oral. By the way, I feel like that's the right way for him to go. He also on this movie was in love with Karina Smirnoff, who I guess was his Dancing with the Stars partner.

So Melissa Joan Hart in an article said that he was just constantly on the phone, kind of disconnected from the rest of the... Wait, Dancing with the Stars existed in 2007? Oh yeah, that show's been on for a while. There was no chemistry between them. No. It's hard to describe.

There was more chemistry between her and her siblings. And her father and mother. Yes. But I believe, but I believe like, but that makes his role more impressive because without chemistry, he still was good and like created that turn. Like, I mean.

No, no, he did a very good job. He did a very good job. The movie is nuts. Guys, we've been talking about him for 40 minutes and I don't see it. What if we go to his sister's very little? If we were talking this in depth about a woman, it would be really problematic.

It would, it really would. We talked about his body, we talked about his career. Oh, and you know she's just like going down. Sucking that dick in a bathroom. Ah! The one day they got that lighting right was in the bathroom scene where he has his shirt off. That was the, like, this bit.

Yeah, they got it right, all right. The only thing they could. You know that was a small location. That's hard to light. The only thing they got wrong was they should have had shaving cream all over his body because he shaves his whole body. He shaves his whole body?

That's true. Some men are hairless, guys. That's a fucking swimmer's body. Like that's a swimming, I'm shaving, yeah. He's shaving. There are no men that are that hairless. I don't know. I'm gonna type, does Mario Lopez shave his chest?

Why is he gonna admit that? I don't think that's what hears the thing. Here, Paul, we can just do this for our audience. It doesn't matter. Alexa, Alexa, does Mario Lopez shave his chest? Guys, this is a very big thing. Star Magazine readers revolt after Mario Lopez and chest hair gate scandal. No. What? This is a headline?

Okay, so, oh wow, this is really interesting. This is insane. Apparently honesty isn't the best policy for Mario Lopez. Last week, Star told you that Mario was double-timing his recent ex, Karina Smirnoff, with a Hooters waitress. Wow, see, you can't trust a man that beautiful. And then, and he goes, Mario was asked- You really turned on him.

And then he was asked in the interview if he manscapes, which means removing excess body hair via waxing, shaving, laser, or plucking. He responded, not at all. That's the Latin Indian blood in me. My dad has a hairy chest, but I do not. But then they posted a photo with him with a full hairy chest in 2003.

Turn it around, please. All right, hold on, I gotta find it. Nothing better than showing a photo on a podcast. This is turning into some sort of Mario Lopez cast, which I am frankly not cool with. I am not enjoying how much play Mario Lopez and his hairless body is getting. I gotta find this chest.

Paul's face looks like it's Christmas morning as he zooms in. Paul is basically, you know Paul is basically like a character in a movie who's like, I can hack this system. I can hack this, just give me 30 seconds. Give me the cordon. Yeah, just quick cuts of Paul.

Give me 30 seconds away. I need it in 10 seconds, give me 30 seconds. I mean it's all over the internet. Enhance, enhance, enhance. I think people are really upset about that he's been lying about it. Yeah, they should be. Okay, so here, yes.

By the way, it's not as fulfilling as you think. It's a very light hair, but it's the one on the right. You see like the light hair on his chest. Hold on, see this is the piece of shit that gave me a nervous breakdown. I can't see it. Oh, yes, that stubble. So that stubble. Oh my God. This is the piece of shit that gave me a nervous breakdown. I can't see it. Oh, yes, that stubble. No, no, no, it's not on the left. So that stubble.

Oh my god. This is wild. Watching them, look at them. They're trying to use gestures. They're trying to use iPhone gestures on a computer. And you know, there's nothing worse, I would argue, than snuggling up to a man that has stubble. A little hairy.

Yeah, exactly. So it's fine to have hair, but don't make it double Listen, I would prefer hair or oh boy Yeah We really broke it down holiday and hang if you watch holiday and handguns if you really are no hair Yeah, what I don't like. This, by the way, is a spinoff show. What I don't like.

It's called Hair or No Hair. Hair or No Hair with June Day and Rafeel and Jessica St. Claire hair. I'd watch it. Jessica St. Claire. I'll tell you what I don't like. I don't like just a little hair. Like around the nips?

I don't like a little hair around the nipples. That is me. Ew. As if, as if you have don't like a little hair around the nipples. That's what I mean. As if, as if. Is that a look? Without any other hair you mean? Without any other hair, that's what I'm talking about. It's not a look, it's just the way some. But that's like that Etch A Sketch

where you drag the magnetic stuff to make it like on his mustache. That's what it ends up looking like. That's what it looks like. What I certainly don't ever want to see. I feel like, by the way, June, what is this tone of voice? I've never heard you with this tone of voice? Why is this a secret?

I've never heard you with this tone of voice before. What I don't ever want to say. I have heard it. Is stubble. Never. Never. Never. And honestly, I never have, and I'm grateful for that.

Me neither, and I don't want to, I don't want to feel like you've groomed more than I have before a date. But that's what's why I'm so fascinated that you like a hairless man, because as I said, I want no hair or all the hair in the world. Wow.

Jessica, of course. No hair or all the hair in the world. But no hair, no hair. This is, by the way, another shirt, Obi-Gray. No hair or all the hair in the world. By the way, a really failed James Bond movie. all the hair in the world. By the way, a really failed James Bond movie. All the hair in the world. Anyway, we digress.

No hair means you're going to get stubble. No, not if like a lot of Hawaiian people. OK. No hair. We get it. You slept with a Hawaiian guy. We get it. Who was he?

King Kameha? Won't reach out to me. Haven't heard. He shouldn't. you're married. He's doing the right thing. Yeah, you have a child, you're happily married. Won't reach out to you, what does that even mean? He's refusing to engage in a married woman,

with a married woman, and he's the asshole? How did this get me? How did this get me? Oh boy. Alright, so here's my question for all of you. Is this movie good? A magic movie. And what I mean by a magic movie is like, you know, there's like a movie like Lie or Lie,

where he's like, all of a sudden he can't say a lie. And there is something in this movie where when she gets dumped, she gets dumped. And I think it's like, I think the Chubby Kid is the devil. They do give you a music cue. There is a music cue that I thought also something magic was happy spins that wheel the order wheel, but no It's not but then then the chubby kid looks at it He's eating the ice cream and I don't know if he like cursed her because she didn't bring the ice cream

I wish that's just her having a nervous breakdown And I think she's just you you know, an artist and living that artist's life. Oh God. And by the way, can we just talk about the fucked up family dynamic that she has that they have a key master to like, the hoops that they had to jump through in this movie to make him stay like, oh yeah, that's our holiday tradition that we take your phone and keys away. First of all, the whole, the way the entire family treats the holidays is insane. Well, I do love a phone free Christmas.

Of course. So do I. Put your phone away. So do I, put them away. I don't wanna see them. Not today, thank you. Not today and not ever. But June, you do love to get some good IG content out there.

Listen, you have to always be creating content. You gotta. You gotta grab. ABC. You gotta grab that tape. You gotta grab. You have to always be creating content. You gotta, you gotta grab that tape. You gotta grab. You have to. June, top two tips about creating a great Instagram grid, go. Okay.

Paul, okay, I have become obsessed with Instagram grids. Of late. I don't even know what a grid is. What is that? A grid is. Your post that exists forever on Instagram. It is curated to look like it's supposed to, all of the photos are supposed to work together

and create a grid. Which by the way, And you end up, you can choose that? Yes. You choose your own grid. No, no, no. You don't choose your own grid. You pick like horizontal and vertical pictures.

There's tons of different ways to do it, but it is kind of exhausting. I'm watching June. Yeah, June is up in the world of grits. This podcast is wild. I'm sorry. In its content. I apologize. I mean, but this family is not a good family.

What I was gonna say about this family and their Christmas traditions, first of all, when does she get there? Is it Christmas Eve when she arrives? Oh, I have no idea what time it is because it seems like Christmas day goes on for like two days because they open up, they open up gifts. But then it seems like dinner is so much later. Okay. She arrives for drinks, but she arrives for drinks at six. It's bright as day.

And then they seem to go right to bed. Yes. Immediately. It's brightest day. And then they seem to go right to bed. Yes, immediately. Immediately to bed. That's interesting. So this family, I found it very strange that a bunch of adults sat around to read Twas a Night Before Christmas.

Oh, yes. That moment. Wait, but that's okay, you have a child. You have a child. No, we did it without. Really? That's right. Okay, take me through every step.

Who gets to read it and why yeah, and we wear the Santa hats We've always worn your dad reads it every year every year and you clap you clap like they clap from Mario Probably. I mean, I think there is a case in some families of Arrested Development We're like before you have our a parent yourself You sort of still remain in that childlike state when you're all together Okay, do you know what I mean? Well now I'm liking this tradition. I think It's the same book every year and we will do it now and there are children it feels more correct What if you do have you thought about recommending a different book? Maybe the Handmaid's Tale

You each read a chapter. Clan of the Kaybear. Kaybear. Clan of the Kaybear. Remember that. I do. I watched that on a date with a girl, it was really fun. I remember my mom reading that.

It was a hot movie. We made out pretty hard on that date. Okay. Yeah. Okay, don't talk about it. Why is she upset? Like actively upset. I'm talking about something that happened. I would never disrespect our relationship that way.

Guys, you should watch that one. I'm talking about something that happened once. I would never disrespect a relationship that way. Guys, you should watch that one. I'm talking about a seventh grade date. I would never disrespect that relationship. You were pawing at a picture of Mario Lopez moments ago. Listen, but I'm not recounting tales of my sexual past. Yeah, that's not right. That's not right. That's not right.

Paul, I'm agreeing with June. Thanks, Paul. That's not right. JK, nice pull bro But seriously you guys should watch that one on this show right I'd be on for that. Oh my gosh. That'd be great All right, you're coming back for that. Um the Guys we gotta get into The plot point. Well I was gonna say this town is

Little pookie Did you guys even hurt people? Little pookie? I didn't hear that. I didn't hear that. Pooty? I thought it was pooty. Little pooty, sorry. A poot is what you do.

Is a vagina. Oh, I thought it was when you fart. A pooted? A tooted? That's a toot. A toot. A toot and a poot. Ah.

A poot and a toot. You guys. Did you guys also notice they used a lot of words from the 50s, or like, hey, num nuts, or like, it was like they were from a different time. Oh, I mean, well look, their meat cute was problematic to me. Like they're playing chess and they start slapping her face with her own hands. Like that was tough. And it was like, that's, that's like romantic. Right at the beginning of the movie, right? She's in her place.

She's in the diner that she works at or whatever, she gets dumped. Mario comes in on the phone, he pulls out the engagement ring, he's gonna propose to his girlfriend when she gets there. Right? At this Indian diner. At this Indian diner. Not even an Indian restaurant,

which I would buy on some level, it seems like a diner. So he's there, she's not there yet, the fiance to be isn't there yet. So he checks out the ring, Melissa Joan Hart comes up and he orders food. Yeah. He orders without his girlfriend. That's interesting.

He's like, yeah, I'll have a cheeseburger. That's right, and a side salad. Hold the dressing. When she arrives, he will be mid meal of the meal he's going to propose during. By the way, why would you even write that in when you could just have her come over and go, how can I take your order?

She's like, no, I'm just waiting for my girlfriend. Exactly, maybe a couple of waters. Or like, or just say like, hey, it's a special day. I'm gonna propose my girlfriend. Well, that's what's so weird about some of these choices. Like I also found it strange that they didn't just set the entire thing in her family's actual home. Now we know it needed to be sort of far away and remote,

but the whole movie is about this family's traditions and how they are expecting their children to do A, B, and C and her memories of her past. And they set it in an Airbnb? Yeah, an Airbnb that just, like a remote log cabin, just for remoteness. I think also, because I do have lived in a remote area and it could have just been her childhood home.

I think also in these Christmas movies, I think for Lifetime or Hallmark, they have to have certain things like an ice rink, a log cabin, a bandstand. By the way, sure, I know an actor who's done two Hallmark films, and he told me that one of the big things is you always have to have at least one shirtless scene.

That is a- Really? But not for the women are fully clothed, the men are shirtless. The women are very clothed. There's an underlayer, then there's a cardigan, and then there's a jacketigan. That's right. And then there's like a jacket of each. A shrug.

There is no sexuality to anybody in the movie physically. There is the discussion or the intimation of sex. But it is always like, yes, boinking. It's told in terms of like... Like there's no sexuality between like, you don't feel like when they kiss it's like it's in a room it's like it doesn't feel like a hot and heavy no you don't feel anything you had

whoever that woman is could you reach out to the show wonder we'd love to know more we'd like to hear your side of the story how hot was it it? How hot was it to be a clay of the cave bear? You don't even want to know how that one ended. That was a tough one. Oh boy. What? The date or the relationship? Or the movie.

You had a girlfriend in seventh grade? Yeah, and so we broke up. You were very popular. We broke up and then that night she was caught shooting a gun out in front of her house. Fuck, Paul. All of your childhood stories ended tragically. What are you talking about?

Was it at you? For breaking up with her? That's how it was positioned for me. Well, I will say, you remember what happened with my, my dad lived for a while in a retirement community in Florida and after my mom died, he went out on a few dates with several women. Like when he came to Florida after my mom died.

He was a very charismatic man. I would have dated your dad 100%. All right, relax. It's true. Thank you. I've always been a little attractive to your dad in a great way. And also for that community,

like the fact that he drove a car, was still driving. What if St. Claire was your stepmother? She would accept it willingly and be excited about it. Oh my God, what if that had happened? With open arms. With open arms. With open arms.

With open arms. So my dad was pursued heavily by many women in the community almost immediately in his first trip back to Florida. And he told me, do you remember this, Paul? That he went out with a woman a couple of times who was very interested in him, and she was off as he would have known.

Now off could mean a number of things, but he said he finally went out with her the next day she committed suicide. Oh, that is the hard part. I don't remember that part of the story. You don't remember that? I don't remember that part of it. I remember the first part.

Very next day. Did the date go well? What was the date? No, I think that- He was like not good with, like he was like, this is over. He was like, I'm not feeling it or- I don't think this is, yeah, I don't think this can happen. Cause also I could see your dad on the date being like-

That's tough. I could see your dad being very blunt but nice and being like, no, we're not gonna have another date. But like at that age too, you don't have a lot of time. It's like, let's not waste. But I'm sure my dad did not handle it delicately and just said like, I'm not into,

you is what I'm not interested in. He probably said, you're a little off. Uh oh, he had thousand percent said, you're odd. You're an odd lady, I promise you. Oh my God. Do you think you could have taken that rejection, St. Clair, if June's dad rejected you? I'm now rethinking everything I just said.

I don't think I could have taken it. Don't fly too close to the flame, you know? To the sun. I will say, I mean, there's a lot of, we could be considering making fun of the movie, but I would say I was so impressed with most of Joan Hart, but she learned how to ice skate like that. And she just nailed that scene.

Oh wow, did she ever. Beautiful. And all those closeups of her really doing it. That was really fucked up when they close up on what was clearly obviously a devil just spinning around. She should have been in the Olympics if she was that good. By the way, nobody who has not ice skated, but then that's why this movie is confusing.

So are you an ice skater or are you a photographer? It wasn't that story about her artwork. Yes. That's right. Agreed. And how did Mario Lopez decorate all those trees so quickly? 100%. She never let him out of his sight that long.

He decorated all these like 12 foot tall ferns with one light. And had to have gotten all of that ice smoothed out and done. Got a Zamboni, got a straight up Zamboni machine. Yeah. Not to mention when they first play hockey, she received so many traumatic blows to the head. Yep. She falls. Another time. She is concussed. On hard ice. She is concussed a lot.

This is a really weird observation I made, but do you feel like they did a lot, like whoever the Foley artist was after the fact, like they put in a lot of like, walla walla, like. Yes, I heard that. And also, the lead-ins to scenes, it was clear they were allowed to improvise, and it felt like they really made a meal of it. Sure. I don't know what you're saying. You know what else they improvised?

That game of football. Oh my gosh. They were just running around in circles, throwing the football to each other. And someone was like, we'll edit it and make it look. All four of them holding each other. There was no end zones, there was no touchdowns, it like- All four of them holding each other. There was no- Very strange.

There was no end zones, there was no touchdowns, it was very strange. Anytime you put them in a group scene, it was problematic. Like when they're open, like the movie is a pretty straightforward film until like they open up their gifts

and they're opening up their Christmas gift montage. That's crazy. Photos like, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. Yeah, that was crazy. First time and the only time we ever break out of the film for something like that. And you're hearing music,

but yet there's no music cues for like very important scenes. Like there's a, when Mary Lopez's girlfriend like goes to the police department, she's like, my boyfriend's been kidnapped. No music, commercial break. Like it was, but it was like, I've never, like they don't even, they don't even hit a sting. Nothing. How about when the cops burst in and point guns at everyone? Why do they all get thrown into jail? Nothing. How about when the cops burst in and point guns at everyone? Oh. Why do they all get thrown into jail? And then the grandmother comes out

with the gun from the Indian restaurant and I desperately wanted them to shoot her. Ah. I was like, ooh. Shoot the grandma. Oh, grandma June Lockhart from Lost in Space, 86 episodes of that. She does so much stuff in this movie

and she does my favorite thing, which is a non-spit spit take. Oh my God, I wrote that down too. I was like, this is insane. So there's like a spit take moment, and she just goes, pfft. She doesn't want to go to full hair and makeup again. Of course not.

She's been around the block. She's like, I want to admit a self-wrap in about 20 minutes. She's vomiting off, wanna, I'm gonna self-rap in about 20 minutes. She's vomiting off, because again, when you read that story, she was the one who got the flu the worst. Oh really? She's like, I gotta get the fuck outta here. Do you think that when she was trying to escape

in that car, that was just her June Lockhart? Well, you know, I actually felt like- Roll on this, roll on this, we'll use it. I thought one of some of the most grounded acting is when they got angry at each other, the parents and everyone started screaming. Because what I felt for the actors is they were yelling at the experience, at the script. It was right there. They used it.

It was right there for them. I felt like the most truthful moment was when Markey Post was folding those jockey shorts. That seemed to be enormous. Like for a clown. Like 2007, like even a man, a middle-aged man is not wearing gigantic, like, jockey shorts. Groomers. And their relationship didn't seem as troubled

until they said it was troubled. They were only having sex once a year. For birthday sex. For birthday sex, and she pictures Clint Eastwood? Why? Because even in 2007, that was a much older man. For birthday sex. For birthday sex and she pictures Clint Eastwood? Why? Because even in 2007, that was a much older man. Clint Eastwood was very old in 2007.

Very old in 2007, even older now. Well, if they were going to make us... Well, that is... You know? Wow. Recently we've been told that is how time works. But there is something... the relationship that I wanted to get to the bottom of was Maria and Mrs. Barbara, the

maid. Oh yes. The maid. Best part of the movie. I could watch a whole movie with whoever that was. Is she trying, being forced to try the dresses on? Great question. Why is she in that dress?

I thought it might have been like an act of revolt. Why would she be wearing a wedding dress? Because I know Kim Kardashian. So Kim Kardashian has a woman who has her exact same proportions, same cup size, same waist size, everything. So Kim doesn't do any of her fittings. That's the same with friends, final season of friends. They just have people who try on their clothes so they don't have to do fittings. Now I also hate fittings. So if anyone has my exact body I could probably go and ask you. You probably could. Look, when I did an Eddie Murphy movie,

he had three different types of doubles. The only time that you'd see Eddie Murphy on camera, like when his face was, that was the only time you'd see the real Eddie Murphy. Behind the head, different guy, side of face, different guy. That's right. One time I was in a van and I thought I was in with fake Eddie Murphy and I was talking to my OBGYN about some various rashes I had

and it turned out it was real Eddie Murphy. Whoa, Eddie Murphy rode in the van. Can I ask you a question? You were comfortable talking about your various vaginal rashes in front of- Even around not Eddie Murphy? In front of Eddie Murphy's guy, but not Eddie Murphy. If it was Eddie Murphy, you're like, well, of course it's seeping, but I don't know what it is.

What did Eddie Murphy say when you heard about your... Well, he's a very strange and reserved man. And so I didn't realize until we... First of all, he has his own double-decker bustle. I don't know why he was in the past fan and I had already talked to fake Eddie Murphy about how he Appears as Eddie Murphy in Asia on red carpets as him like it's amazing They pass him off when I was like I when I was like on the crowd when I was on the line getting lunch You can't tell the difference unless you like yeah, it's he's also fully Does Eddie Murphy and I thought what is that like to be always somebody else? But you were like, right now, instead, what I need to do is shout at full volume

into my phone about a discomforting discharge I'm experiencing. I did. Anyway, I don't know if it's not the consistency of cottage cheese, but more like a clotted cream. What? And out around it is like something that looks like a bunch of mosquito bites. You know what, guys, you don't have vaginas, but when something's off, you need answers and you need answers fast. And if you don't pick up the phone when the doctor calls, yeah, something's off, you need answers and you need answers fast. And if you don't pick up the phone when the doctor calls,

it has to be another 24 hours. Keeping you between you and that. That precious info. Fix it, fix it. That calming balm. Yes. A light salve. So I think we really covered this movie,

Holiday Handcuffs. This movie, this is. I will. You know what? This is This movie, this is. I will uh. You know what? This is what happens when this is the combination of people that is allowed to exist in a studio with a computer. We can go down the rabbit hole of looking at Mario Lopez topless pictures. By the way, not to go back to it, but did he respond to allegations of having chest

hair? Um, according to the website. I I contacted my lawyer he says we have a suit. I think that Mario Lopez is known as a fibbing bad boy so for chest fraud yeah I will say this about the movie it receives 6.7 million viewers making it the most watched telecast in ABC family history at the time huge hit 6.7 million viewers making it the most watched telecast in ABC family history at the time. Huge hit. 6.7 million viewers is like three times as much as an episode of Parks and Rec. That's correct. Yeah.

That's crazy. Top three movies of 2007, Spider-Man 3, Shrek the Third, Transformers, that's what's going on in the theater. It was released the same year as Bratz, but this is not clocking in on the box office charts. Shrek the third. Is that what the Shrek happened? Jason I'm not talking here. We have of course have an opinion about this movie, but now it's time for second opinions Thank you, John LeJoy. These are Second Opinion's cold from amazon.com holiday and handcuffs. Getting a 4.6 out of five stars is its overall rating. 78% of the reviews are five star.

A lot of the reviews are typed in caps lock with very weird grammar. And there's one that's so long, they keep on saying, I don't remember it, I watched it a couple of months ago, but then get into very intense detail. But I'll just read you some of my favorite ones here. This is from, this is from Jeanette Hoey, gave it five out of five stars.

And the title is Mario Lopez was hot. And then the review is Mario Lopez was so hot in this movie, five stars. So the title definitely foreshadowed the actual review. Thomas R. Post writes, any guy would enjoy being handcuffed to Melissa, especially in fuzzy handcuffs. Five out of five stars.

That's a guy who's just watching like handcuff movies. That's his thing, right? By the way, Melissa Joan Hart did not like the top or the haircut and she begged them to change it. That's why in the middle of the movie, she just gets a straight haircut. Really? We haven't even discussed like why her sister

also has like chemical relaxing. Cause you can't get that unless you have like the keys to a salon. They don't have olive oil, but she has the, yes, the chemical makeup to relax the perm. Do you think that they were going to- Even in that town, there's not a store that could provide- Not with that guy who runs the gas station, he's got problems.

Oh yeah, what did he say? He was a pretty aggressive guy. Well he wanted to like. Well he was into like all the dirty sex stuff. Oh yeah. Right. And I feel like also, why are they bringing chemicals to their Christmas vacation?

Are they going to kill somebody? Maybe it's part of their chemical romance. Yes, Jason, nailed it. Anyway, Clan of the Cave bear there. I am seventh grade All right, this is from the hundred and seventeenth doctor you went on a date in seventh grade that is why Very very popular First date is my first date June was in like had a boyfriend in fourth grade right? No, I didn't fifth grade No, I didn't have I did? No, I didn't have, I did not have boyfriends

till like after high school. Yeah, my mom didn't go on a, I feel like the first time I went on a date was junior or senior year, junior year. Sixth grade, Stephanie Smith, we went to adventure. It's cause he was a latchkey kid. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

You know what I mean? Although I think my mom rushed that relationship because she like made me go to Macy's and buy her a ring. What? So weird, I don't even know what to say. We don't have the time to unpack that. What are you talking about? We don't have the time.

I am so deeply disturbed by that information. I was just thinking about that the other day because it was like, she's- That's so weird. Because she stopped wearing it and I was like, why did you stop wearing it? Now as an adult, I'm like, I totally understand that her mom was like,

what the fuck? When you were in sixth grade? Yeah. Wow. Jesus Paul. I didn't want to get the ring. My mom said I should get the ring. Oh God. This is from- Jesus Christ Paul.

This is crazy. Jesus Paul! I don't like that. I do, I don't like that story. Don't like that. I do. I don't like that story. I don't like it. This is from the 117th Doctor. The title is, Now This is a Keeper. My wife is the mushy one, but this actually made me laugh. Which doesn't seem like that's...

Okay, two different ideas. Melissa Joan Hart and Mario Lopez from Saved by the Bell actually do a wonderful job, create believable chemistry, and enable some truly enjoyable moments. No spoilers here, but my favorite scene was the big Christmas dinner where the family talks it out. It sounded like a couple of scenes I've heard in real life. Ho! It's now a Christmas staple for us, along with the rich cartoon, Charlie Brown Christmas specials,

and Babes in Toyland, the colorized Laurel and Hardy version, and others. This is a must watch, even if you only rent it. Five stars written February 22nd, 2017. Wow, well after Christmas. Wow. Just reflecting on the holiday. On the joy that it brought. February 22nd, 2017. Wow, well after Christmas, wow.

Just reflecting on the holiday. On the joy that it brought. Not to overwhelm you guys with stories, but now I'll tell you the final way that I knew. Melissa Joan Hart was dating one of the guys in my high school, and so she came to school with him like as like a, like as like a, How?

Cause it was like bring your girlfriend to school. That's not a thing. So, bring your girlfriend to school day? Bring your girlfriend to school day. I guess it was weird. I guess like she was like, it was sort of like, Hey, she's so famous. She doesn't understand what a high school is like.

So she can come to your high school for the day. Wait a minute. This is suspect. Sabrina at this point. She was, she was Clarissa at this point. Well she was Clarissa. Is it possible? Clarissa at this point, not Sabrina at this point. She was only at that point explaining it all.

Yes, exactly. Are you sure this guy in your high school was dating her? Did he just say that? No, they were like holding hands and kissing and stuff like that. And so the whole school was like in a real big tizzy. I can only imagine. And so everyone was trying to find out ways to approach her

and I was a big fan of Clarissa Explains It All, of course. And I failed math, I was very bad at math. And my in was- Can you explain math to me? I'll try, I mean, I'm not- No, no, I'm saying- Did you ask Clarissa to explain it? Oh, that would have been great.

No, I had failed my math test. And when you fail your test, you have to have your parents sign it. That was the way my high school worked. So I brought my math test over to her and I said, can you sign my math test? So I didn't have to show it to my parents. And so she signed it like big,

Melissa Joan Hart, and then wrote under it Clarissa. And then I passed it into my math teacher and he accepted Melissa Joan Hart. Like I don't think he, I don't think he, I don't think he understood. Is she running that school? Like what is going on? Like he accepted.

What the fuck is happening? He accepted it. Now that I say all of this stuff out loud, I'm like it is odd. In the moment it felt great. I think he thought it was just my mom's signature, even though it was. Clarissa was underneath it.

Like Clarissa was underneath it I had that math that still in a folder in my house. Holy shit that guy must have been the most popular kid at school forever Oh, yeah, he was yeah. Did he meet her? I have no idea. I mean is she from New York Maybe maybe yeah, I don't know but yeah, like an actor kid. No, no Like they both did a turn on no He was not he wasn't in the acting track cuz that's where I was at it, you know So I don't know how they met but you're on the acting track at the actor studio. Yeah, I was in the actor thing But yeah, no, I don't know how they met but I remember that episode where you I asked a question

You asked a question of Dustin Hoffman And you called him dusty yeah, because I just because I'm all we're both in the same thing I'm just looking to see where she grew up in save ill so that's actually near far. Yes not too far and You know so that's not too far. Okay, so that makes more sense then yeah, they probably She lived in LA and yeah, okay. Yeah, So that was it. And she began her career at four when she was in a television commercial for a bathtub doll called Splashing. You know, she looked just,

and maybe I was reading into it, but tired. Like, how if I'm like, due in for some of this discussion for after the microphones are off. This probably, I'm gonna lay this squarely at the feet of the stomach flu. I agree. Yeah, everybody looked not their best.

Probably because they were having explosive diarrhea. Anybody want to say anything else that we haven't said? Like liquid fart blasts. Yes. Like hot, wet dumps. All in the same bathroom that then Mario has to go into for that romantic moment. That is the bathroom of the cabin. Oh yeah, and you know that the owners.

You know they don't have big trailers. And the owner of the, well, at five million, who knows? The owner of that, our Airbnb was like, please no one use our bathroom, so we don't want you to clog it up. Yeah, it said like, off limits. Whenever I'm shooting something and I see off limits, I immediately go under the thing.

Oh, I'm like, I'm in, I'm in. Oh yeah, because that's where the good stuff is. Yeah, is. Gotta use all their stuff. That's where I dump. I just wanted to ask reactions to the brothers. Don't you feel bad when you're shooting in someone's house and like your holding room is like the kids bedroom yeah and then I'm like taking adult dumps in a kid's bathroom. I mean that was the league When we were in the league our Leave it behind so the parents will see and be like did that come from our kid Jason you

Jason did the most romantic thing for me once, even though he's not in love with me and never has been and never will be. This guy stole all this money from me. We switched apartments. I stayed in his apartment in LA and he stayed in mine in New York. And it turned out it was really his lover's apartment. And so anyway, he wrote me a bunch of bad checks

and Jason said, would you allow me to take a dump in this guy's closet and so that it would be like a leave behind and he wouldn't know what it was. Cause that was the only recourse was to do something to his apartment. And I said no and I regret it and also it was the most generous thing anyone's ever offered to do for me. Who are you? I never got that money.

Merry Christmas, everybody. Yeah, Merry Christmas, everybody. Jess, what do you want to plug here on the show? God, you know. Oh, hey, we're doing some hot and fresh wamp-it-ups. Oh, great. June is the only person who has not been on one and it's not for lack of trying.

No it's not. I keep reaching out and one day we'll get her but please listen, subscribe to Wamp-It-Ups. Such a fun show. Go back and listen to the episodes with Jason and Paul who plays Casey Steers. Jason plays Eric Gutterballs, my love interest on and off again. But yeah, we got him hot and fresh every week.

So please listen to that. That's exciting. Now, June, you're doing some Instagram work right now. I'm doing some grids. I'm always on Insta. You can always find me there, any hour of the day. Jason? Well, I would like to urge people to please rent

or even buy the movie that I star in called The Long Dumb Road. It's available now on Amazon or iTunes or whatever. And you are fantastic in it. I really enjoyed that movie. It's really really special. It is a fun road trip movie. It's myself and Tony Revolori. It's a blast. It's really funny. If you like planes, trains, and automobiles and those kind of movies, you'll really get a kick out of it Also, I would like I am in the I believe the season finale of the most recent season of nailed it with friend of the pod It is one of the funniest things I've ever been a part of is one of the funniest things I've ever been a part of. It is.

Oh, I can't wait to watch that. I will watch that. I salute chaos. I'm gonna say to all of you that be on the lookout because in a couple days, you will get a chance to watch the first episode of Black Monday, which is a brand new show that I'm doing on Showtime with Don Cheadle,

Andrew Rannells, and Regina Hall. I love you in that 80s look. Oh, thank you so much. What do you think, June? Does it do anything for your downstairs? I think he looks great. Does it? Too hairy, not hairy enough, June.

Just the right amount. I think he looks absolutely wonderful. But he always looks great to me. Just definitely, I will post it up on the Instagram when it is, or sorry, on the Twitter, but you can follow me and I'll let you know you have 24 hours to watch it. That's a little sample of it.

And also this movie I did a little while ago, Summer of 03 is now available for pre-order on the iTunes and Amazon. And I saw It's a Wonderful Life for the very first time and we talk about it on Unspooled and we actually bring on one of the stars of It's a Wonderful Life, Zuzu, who says every time a bell rings,

an angel gets its wings, we talk to her, and that was pretty special and amazing. So definitely check out our Christmas episode. I thought that you guys had stopped doing Unspooled. Oh, you know what? Yeah, forget I said that. Jason, yeah, we're not doing it anymore, Jason. I thought you told me.

Because I know that Jessica's asked me to do her podcast a number of times, but I've never caught any melodous series about it. Ho, ho, ho, and happy holidays. And people, if you guys want to just listen in. I thought maybe I'd hurt his feelings. And guys, I will tell you this. The next two weeks we will be going into repeats,

but we shot, or actually recorded, some fun openers for the next two weeks, brand new material. So even if you've heard the next two weeks episodes, it's worth the first five minutes on both of them. All right, people, a big thanks to our engineer, Devin, our producer, Cody, our researcher, Nate Kiley, who found this movie. Everybody here at Earwulf, of course,

Averill Halley, Kelly Alto, also helping us out all the time. Go to teapublic.com to check out our shirts. They're on sale right now. You can get them for your Christmas or New Year's holidays. How fast can we roll out a prime punch t-shirt? I mean, we could get that going pretty quick. I don't know if it's going to stick. teapublic.com slash HDTGM or stores slash HDTGM.

Let's just be ready. I just want to be ready. There's going to be a lot of orders. Go get a How to Discard Made Out. Go, gift the merch. T-public slash store slash HDTGM or go to podswag.com, but we have a lot of shirts and the t-shirts can be made into a lot of different things. Thank you all for listening.

What a fun time to talk about everything with all of you. Happy holidays. Happy New Year. We talk about everything with all of you. Happy holidays. Happy new year. We'll see you in a couple of weeks. Happy new year. Happy new year. Happy new year. Happy new year.

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