How Did This Get Made? - Matinee Monday: Mortal Kombat (w/ Cameron Esposito)

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

MORTAL KOMBAT! Cameron Esposito (A Million Little Things) enters the fighting arena with Paul, June, and Jason to talk all about the 1995 stinker movie adaptation of a beloved video game. They discuss the anticlimactic fight with Goro, Christopher Lambert's wig, and how the mortals are unfazed by the supernatural. Plus, we learn about June's relationship with video games, find out Jason's thoughts on the soundtrack, and hear an amazing Second Opinion review. (Originally Released 01/28/2014)  UPCOMING TOUR DATES IN: Belfast, Dublin, Glasgow, & London! Go to hdtgm.com for tix and info.Pre-Order Paul’s book about his childhood, Joyful Recollections of Trauma, wherever books are soldFor extra Matinee Monday content, visit Paul's YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheerHDTGM Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheerFollow Paul on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer/Check out Paul and Rob Huebel live on Twitch (www.twitch.tv/friendzone) every Thursday 8-10pm ESTSubscribe to Unspooled with Paul and Amy Nicholson here: listen.earwolf.com/unspooledSubscribe to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael here: www.thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcastCheck out The Jane Club over at www.janeclub.comCheck out new HDTGM merch over at https://www.teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmWhere to find Jason, June & Paul:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on Twitter

Now, there's not much to say about this next movie except for... Mortal Kombat! We saw Mortal Kombat, so you know what that means! Now it's time for... How did this get made? Gonna have a good time, celebrate some failure, not just be the hater, Cause you know you're one that had to do this for pain Let's follow in the mediocrity of subpar art

Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made? Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to How Did This Get Made? I am Paul Scheer, joined as always by Jason Mandukas. How are you, Jason? Oh, boy, fine, I guess. Just watched this movie. And June Diane Raphael, how are you, June?

I'm good, how are you, Paul? Very good, we have a very special guest today. Please welcome Cameron Esposito. How are you Cameron? Oh, I'm feeling great. I mean this is like in my wheelhouse. So Do you want to reveal to the audience what you just said as we were putting the mics on and I said I feel like Let's try and recreate it. I said maybe maybe we could do this We could actually just play because we did roll let's just drop recreate it. I said maybe maybe we could do this we could actually just play because we did roll Let's just roll what just happened in I Didn't play this I never played it either

But I did do the research to In the you know, so it's pretty cross reference didn't know there was a game Okay, so there it was and what we just realized is that June went through this whole movie not realizing it was based on A video game. Well to be fair. I did this whole movie not realizing it was based on a video game. Well, to be fair, I did write down at one point, this sounds like a video game. Sounds like it. Sounds like it. It sounds like the noises, the sounds gave up it.

Oh, some of it actually is. When Reptile comes in, that's actually from the game. Okay, because it does sound like- So, Gow, you nailed it. It does sound like the score of a video game, like even what you just played. No, but the thing is, that song... It did sound familiar, Mortal Kombat, those words together sounded familiar. Yeah, they sounded like something.

But you just remembered them from fighting to the death, right? Just from my own personal experience? I didn't know that's a familiar phrase or saying. I just didn't know... I'm laughing because... I didn't know where it was from. Wait, you didn't know? So in your mind, Mortal Kombat, you just thought, well this is a very large cast of characters, and it seems to be nothing but mano-a-mano fight sequences.

I sat down and said, guys, I don't even know what to say about this movie. You stormed out of our living room three times going, this movie irritates me. And you walked out. I had a very bad reaction to it. I didn't know what it was. We get it. You guys have a living room. Now I will say, we wanted to say,

I know a lot of people out there will be upset, like, well, come on. Well, you don't know the game. And the game, and I played this game. Not so much that I would know all these details, but enough that I understand it. But screw you guys who are going to be upset about this. It's a movie. It's a movie.

We're judging it from that. And here's the thing. If you have particular fondness for this movie because it pushes a button of love for you if playing this game, I need you to understand that this movie is very bad. This movie is like- And if you love this game you should actually kind of hate this movie is very bad. This movie is like. And if you love this game, you should actually kind of hate this movie because. Yes.

Now I never played this game either, but I did live in the world. At the time there was this. And that's fair, and that's fair. I mean this is at like every roller skating rink growing up. I was gonna say it's like a big arcade game. They were words that sounded familiar. It was like Duck Hunt,

then like that Rampage game where you turn into a bigger ape, you know if something happens you get more of that. Oh yeah, that was a good one, I like that. Here's what I'm realizing. I mean to bring this back to June, one of her most famous quotes, you don't really even understand Street Fighter, and you didn't understand that that was a game. I didn't know that was a game. Now, my relationship to video games growing up was this. What do you know about video games? My next door neighbor had a Nintendo and the games I played were the game where you had to cross the street

and a little frog crossed the street. Where frogger? That's not a Nintendo game. Why did you let her off the hook? Way too close. Was it an Atari? It was an Atari. It was not an Nintendo.

I want to go back to what you described. A frog that was in a cart? No, did you think... Did you think when you were playing that the frog was also in a cart just going perpendicular to traffic? I knew there were frogs in carts. I couldn't remember exactly how they related. What was the other game? That was one of the best games on Nintendo. Also that Sonic the Hedgehog game was pretty good on Nintendo too. I didn't play that. I've heard of Sonic the Hedgehog. Oh you have?

I played Frogger, I've played Oregon Trail, I've played- That's not an Nintendo game! No, that's on the computer. I played Solitaire. Those are the two games that I have played. And I'm Mario Brothers. I've played those games. When I went to an arcade or some sort of event

with roller skates or whatever, I would see the video games. I wouldn't even go to Neorzom. Really? Why? I wasn't interested in that. This is why you get so angry when you see things like Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto, because you've gone from Oregon Trail to Grand Theft Auto 5.

I have no interest in that. That's a part of life like I never had any interest in. I spent days, weeks worth of my life like getting quarters and playing video games in an arcade. When I grew up, you could go to Paladin, an arcade in my area with your report card and they would give you a dollars worth of tokens for every A you got. Wow, that's kind of great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I played pinball machines. Wait, wait, you want a cookie for that? I'm just trying to think of other things that are okay. Like when you're at the pizza place waiting. Skee ball machines, yes, skee ball. Skee ball's great. Okay, so you're into like old timey fare.

Yes, I've-Ball. Okay, so you're into like old-timey fare. Yes. I've never played another game. You played one of those video games where you put the coin in and you spin the dial and you see a moving picture. Like that's a video game that you like. I love it. Or like you put a quarter in and just like a monkey dances in.

I'm 72 years old. I don't get through with your newfangled games. These words sounded familiar to me, mortal combat. But I didn't know what the source material was. About the video game fans being mad is because the whole thing with that game was that it was super violent. It was like the first mega violent game. And they had the spine rip.

There's a spine rip move in there. And I think actually. You could rip out a head and the spine would be dangling. I think actually that game is the reason that games have ratings. I think that's- I think you are right. Wow.

And this movie was originally to be an R-rated movie, so they could embrace the one thing that is defining about it, which is the supreme violence of the game. So the basic premise of the movie where mortals are fighting creatures who have magical powers. I would say that this is a part of- That's the basic premise of the movie where mortals are fighting creatures who have magical powers. I would say that this is a part of the movie that I'm a little bit unsure of.

As a game player, I felt like there was a tournament, but it seemed like there were certain people who were not. The tournament didn't seem like the rankings. I couldn't follow a ranking system. I was like, oh, now they're out, but did they win? Did they move on? It just seemed like good guys bad guys, but yeah, they were all there couldn't tell who like why were the why were the people who were brought? Arbitrarily good guys are bad guys, right? I'm assuming then that some of the good guys killed other good guys

I think in the beginning round was like to me It's like I feel this movie was missing that chart that they had in the karate kid where they kind of just moved up the name LaRusso, so you got you got to see what was happening. Here there was no ranking system. Or like a round robin or like a bracket sort of a tournament thing. At one point the Sang Ssum, the bad guy, he was like well- Oh the guy from Iron Chef? Yeah.

Did anybody else think that he was just like the host of Iron Chef? Like that guy, they both overact so much in the most hilarious way. Every time he would get up and make those big declarations is like at the beginning of Iron Chef where the guy tells everybody what the secret ingredient is. Not America, not America, because that's the guy's nephew. But the original Iron Chef where the guy

had such dramatic flair, this guy was that guy. Well this guy this guy was amazing because also when he said something in the movie like he would do this he'd be like well now if you win this match yeah I can either challenge you or I can challenge someone else like well that's not a good effective tournament like what that doesn't mean anything. Everybody just gets to make shit up. I think the mortal part also really comes into play because there's a couple times when the person does not die and then the Sang-Sung just comes in.

And sucks their soul out. And is like, well, I'll go ahead and clear this up. Basically, he always is winning because Sang-Sung is like, he basically is, if I'm mispronouncing it, I'm sorry, but he just, so he gets all the souls regardless no matter who wins in these fights. What I couldn't understand was was he collecting souls in order that he in order to make himself unbeatable so that if it got down to it and he needed to fight to win the 10th victory. Which clearly happened. He has at his disposal all of this all of this

sorcery. He can recall the souls that he's stolen to fight on his behalf. I want to tell you. All this stuff. I know we don't normally jump ahead, but at the end when he does have to call up all the souls, I do love that they all kind of pop out of the ground, like through little circles like a Britney Spears concert. They all are shooting up from beneath the stage.

And I was like, I wish I was on set for that day when these big muscle-bound men were forced to be shot through holes. Like, it did not go well. That was the best part of last year's Super Bowl, is when Beyonce was joining, it was exactly like that moment for me. We were like, I can't believe Destiny's Child is here! Back from the dead! And there's a little bit of a stutter step,

because you're being rocketed into the air. And the worst, they're being shot through like fake brick. Yes. But here's what I don't understand. So when he would take, I don't know any of these characters' names. Okay, well. I couldn't understand them here. It was harder too because they didn't say them ever.

Just kidding. Everybody called everybody by their first and last name in every occurrence. When Lord Raiden came on, they said Lord Raiden about a, if you did a drinking game every time they said the name Raiden. I couldn't commit any of them to memory. But so when that guy was stealing, was taking souls, Yes. were those people then dead to never be heard from again?

Or did they then become his? Cause what I thought was happening, I'm sure this is all in the video game again. Well, no, no, we got to treat this like a movie. This is what we're treating it like a movie. Was that those people were becoming his, like, sort of slave army that was there. But that was, that was unclear too because-

I don't think so. It's pretty confusing. Because Sub-Zero and Scorpion were under his spell. Yeah. You mean the guys that ripped their faces off to reveal skeleton heads full of bugs and worms? Yes. Another- Oh, those guys.

Yeah, they also- Oh, cool, got it. Yeah, those guys who are from Halloween III, who also had faces of bugs and worms. Yes another those guys. Yeah, they also got it Yeah, those guys who are from Halloween three who also have faces of bugs and work Like a real potent image. I guess is like a head that opens and erupts into bugs and worms I always think about like who is the bug handler? That's like get on set Hey the roaches on top of the worm, but for continuity we need worm on roach. So if you could just get in here. You need somebody in the skull though going like,

do you need some sort of- Push more through. We gotta get him out of here. We gotta get him out of here. He's like just shoving him. It's like that Play-Doh spaghetti thing. You know where you like shoot the Play-Doh out? I do think, and I'm willing to say this now,

that we should have an episode where we interview a Hollywood bug man. If you are a Hollywood bug man, please. I've met a few animal wranglers, I can't believe I'm gonna go on record and say this, but they're usually, they're a strange, a strange chef. I'm sorry, you can't believe you're gonna go on record

as saying Hollywood animal wranglers are strange people? They are, it's a certain personality that, that... I'm gonna say 90% of the time, they are not animal trainers, they are animal owners. Uh, that just happened to like, want them, they're animal, like we had a snake trainer in the league and like, oh, you can't train a snake. They're training a snake who was hitting it with a stick and the snake was like vomiting and shitting all over the floor. Yes.

I was on a Marin episode where they had a cat wrangler, and allow me to throw something out there. She had a belt on, and on part of the utility belt was just a little tiny Pringles can sort of a thing, and it was rewrapped in brown paper, and it said on it, liver snaps. And so she not only put it onto a belt, but she also labeled it. She's like a Batman she's a Batman ring. She's a cat man cat lady. She had a cat in the liver snap area that was labeled.

That's how I knew it was in there. Well she didn't want to be reaching for liver snaps when she was reaching for something else. Oh yeah. It would be confusing. Yeah no but to be fair if you handle bugs for a living and you're a fan of the show and want to come on and tell Us what's up with that, please come on. We will talk we will talk we want to know I will also talk about this movie Came out in 1995 and it was at the beginning of CGI Which is amazing because it's before people have like learned at a cute like React to it appropriately because CGI in this movie like the way they're reacting is not mimicking what is actually happening it's like if something is like flying by their

face like whoa like their reactors are so big. And it's so cool to see well I love I love like effects stuff and what I love about this is uh Goro's character yeah is clearly who's Goro? He's the guy who has many arms. Four arms. Yeah, four arms. Yeah, four arms. That's what I called him in my notes. Yeah, I call him all four arms. And he, they clearly use,

because it's just the beginning of CGI, they clearly use a bunch of different methods to make him. Some shots where it's just like a arm in front of the camera being like, hey, can you just get that arm over here? And then there's other shots where it's clearly a guy standing on another guy's shoulders. And there's just so many compo- there's like I think there's maybe even claymation in this. Yeah, Claymation.

Yeah, Claymation. And there's puppets. Oh, the miniatures in this are amazing. There's a ton of different- and I love that from this time period is it's like very- it's Terminator 2 did it the best but this is like- It feels more- This time period where they're trying to smash a couple things together. It's like right where Clash of the Titans meets Terminator 2.

It's sort of like they're just don't know which side to go on. But I want to talk about Goro, the forearm guy. You're led to believe that this is a character. I know we're going out of order. Is there an order? It's just a series of fights. If I hear that song one more time, I will put a bullet in my head.

That was insane. This plays for 80% of the movie. I wanted it to play for 90%. This and like, psh, psh, psh, ah! Psh, psh, psh, ah! Oh! Get over here! Fatality.

And it's just, it was insanity. At a certain point I was like, you can't just play this song and have fights and call it a movie. I want more, like when that, like it almost, I got excited in my house because I was like, yeah, because it at least gave me some energy. I can't believe I don't listen to that song

when I'm at the gym. I want every, oh, I want it all the time. It's the best song of all time. You are wrong. You guys are very, very wrong. I think that they wrote that song ahead of time. The, the, whoever put that, it's like somebody actually called Lords of Acid or something.

Yeah, it is a- That song is not in the video game. That is like their song. And then they put in the, the Mortal Kombat scream, like how when Bruce Springsteen Mortal Kombat That song that's in whatever the fuck that movie is with What the fuck is that movie where Tom Cruise leaves the and then Renee's out Castaway

Goes with it doesn't matter, but they put the sound effect in Jover's the volcano And like ruined that's their song And now forever for the rest of their lives I couldn't stop thinking about like if you made that song and then now the only thing people remember is like They're gonna scream that in your fucking Well, here's here is one thing I will tell you that that album went platinum the Mortal Kombat Soundtrack one platinum in less than two weeks for sure it did why?

I'm buying it now. I'm willing to say that that song was terrible. No, it was great. It was exhausting is what it was. I want to talk, oh go ahead. I was gonna ask as a fan of the video games, did you guys like the video game? I loved the video game. I loved the video game because it was satisfying to... No, no, not at all. It was one of those games where two people squared off. It's like a button smasher. And you just do different combinations and it's like... And were the characters like the actor?

The cool thing about the video game, from my memory of it, was it was video. So the characters were not animated. They were... Really? They brought in actors and so they were real people and that was like a cool thing like so the world looked very much like a video game but yeah characters looked like real people what's the difference between this and Final Fantasy wasn't that final fantasy is a whole different thing like Tekken what was the other two-person Street Fighter

oh Street Fighter that were like these were like this. So these were the competing enemy. Games. Okay, got it, got it. Now, uh, but... Oh, everybody is flipping out right now. Oh, they're mad. Everybody's like, How the fuck do you not know what this is? Do some fucking research! Do some research!

Well guys, talk to me when they make a game out of Pitfall. A movie right there. Or a movie about a frog in a car. Oh, I would watch that. Or a Qbert movie. I'm just gonna be I'm just gonna be Can I ask a quick question? Quick question. Oh, yeah, what was Sonya? It was her name Sonya or Sasha Sonya. What was their occupation in the real world? Special forces

Sonya is like a policeman. She's got the shotgun in the beginning. Yeah is Confusing why their job? description involves, because it feels like maybe they work for the government. But like, deep ops where you just run into space. Where you're just like, my job is to run at this ship. I don't have any connection to anybody else. Like, she never radiates anybody.

I have a question for you. Who is her boss? Oh, wait. But her boss, the guy that she's with, the guy she's with who doesn't get on the boat, when she runs towards the boat, he goes, he literally says it in this tone of voice, like, hey, Sonia, don't get on that boat. Don't get on the boat. Like, it's like so...

So like, oh well, oh well, there she goes. Maybe he's the guy that has to go back to their boss, just like, I don't know, she ran into some mists. She got into a fog boat. She got it, yeah. But why did the other guy, sorry, don't know any of their names, why did the other guy want to fight her so badly? Who?

Metal Face? Not Metal Face, I don't know any of the characters' names. Oh, by the way, this you want to know, this is from the Mortal Kombat Wiki. Sonya Blade is a female soldier who's a member of the Earth Realm's Special Forces Unit, known as the Outer World Investigation Agency. What? The OIA. And so she's sort of like a DEA agent of the outer world.

Like a men in black. Yes. Sort of a predictive of that. Oh, okay. Yes. What? Okay, that's really... So, but when the other guy says, I don't want you to harm her, I just want you to humiliate

her. Oh, oh, you mean the head bad guy, the bad guy. That's the main bad guy. There's like a rape set up going on there. What was really, really disturbing. Pretty over the top, that was her humiliation. Well, they took her out of her short shorts, which she was fighting in her short shorts,

and then they kind of dressed her in like a princess outfit for no real apparent reason. But I was like, was he like softening her up so he could like blast her? Like what's the deal? Oh, no. Didn't it feel, something was very wrong about that. Very sexy.

Yeah. Well, and then the friends come and save her and the guy goes, the guy who's been like flirting with her the whole time goes, nice chest. Nice chest? No, no, he says nice dress. Dress. Oh, I thought he said nice chest.

Nice dress. And I thought to myself, who on he says nice dress. Dress. Oh, I thought he said nice chest. Nice dress. And I thought to myself, who on earth says chest? Who would be like, instead of saying nice tits or whatever, who would be like, hey, nice chest? I will say that this is my issue with that character. Everyone that was there was a fighter of some kind, right? And they were all really, but everyone was protecting her like, oh, let's not beat her up

The girl let's not touch the girl, but she was a fucking very good fighter. I brought her there because she was Punches in the face like that's nice to see when there's a chicken. I do think though like Angelina Jolie variety of yeah, but that's what I had a problem with because she was really all of a sudden She was like this woman in in distress Where as she had been such a badass the whole time I agree And she was screaming and flailing about like it was very strange And by the way, you want to know who was up for this role originally? Sharon Stone

Who was the woman that played it? This is actually Pete Sampras's wife. Her name is Bridget Wilson Sampras. And Dina Meyer, also from Battlefield, or what is it called? Starship Troopers. Those are the two that turned it down. Do you guys recognize her from Billy Madison? Yes, that's who I remember. She's like a hot chick in Billy Madison. That was a formative person.

Oh, yeah, 100%. Like the hot chick in Verona Caman. Yeah, she always like that. And by the way, she seems so humor're like and but by the way She seems so humorless to me as a character like like one point they make a joke like about I wrote it down like She's always taking that Johnny Cage's jokes is yeah like really like serious. Yeah, she doesn't get humor Yeah, like like apparently her partner was killed by Kano Yeah, her partner's killed by Kano and from that point forward

She only has like a bloodlust for revenge and cannot entertain jokes Cannot crack a smile all she was she will shoot up a nightclub She will do whatever it takes to kill Kano and then she snaps his leg his neck with her legs And I was like this is some cold ass shit right here. I feel like it's maybe like an anti-feminist, like women that fight are not fun. Like they're not nice to you, they're not nice. I agree.

And I felt like they shot that fight scene in, I mean, I did appreciate that she got punched in the face a few times. Me too. But they really did shoot it in like these weird closeups that like you never really saw her. No, no, and I slowed it down.

It was not a fight scene. By the way, because I wanted to see him connect. She did all of her own fights. All of her own stunts. And that showed though. But how could you have slowed it down because the fight sequences in this film are also the slowest, most telegraphed punches. That was so crazy to me because they would always slow it down.

But you're not doing anything. Like when she flips over that guy, I was like, why are you slowing down this flip? It's not like she's moving so quickly. Many people were able to duck. That was a big move to get away. And every punch is very easily blocked because it is set up and then very slowly executed. You had like the special kind of magical moves. They gave them like plenty of time to set up where it's like, I'm calling to the gods,

ice thing is forming in my hands. Like stay over there and look at it with your eyes. Can I ask this? Why wasn't any of the, why weren't any of the mortals like, why wasn't Johnny Cage or Liu Kang or Sonya or any of these people surprised when there was a four armed man, when people could summon electricity, why they didn't flinch at all. As far as we know, this is not a world that they were accustomed to. Like, Johnny Cage was not like, oh I know that there's an other world.

And by the way, it wasn't also made clear if the boat was in the air because there was so much fog or if they were on the water. Do you know when he looks and the compass is going crazy or whatever, do you think they were on the lost island? Yeah, I thought they were on the lost island. John Locke was one of the fighters. How fucking awesome would it have been on Lost if they just walked by and like there was a mortal Combat happening in the back the others were just like like like all those other if if like the man in black and Titus well

Over or Titus well over and the other the other guy there when you flash back to them They are just mortal combatants. It was never a polar bear. It was sub-zero the entire time Yeah, well it did seem like even if they didn't know this world existed, they were very used to the idea of like magic and super super powers. Why? Why? That wasn't new information for anyone. But I think it was new information.

I think it was supposed to be too. But it should have been such a huge... They were so jaded. No, you guys, you could tell that they were surprised because of their sassy jokes. You know like that. Whenever Johnny Cage was like, that's just how he interprets the world. He's just like, oh, this again? I gotta carry my bags to the other world? Johnny Cage is my favorite character, and his love relationship with Sonya was not ever set up, right? I mean, like, they had like a couple...

I think what they wanted was that like Sam and Diane type of, you know... But then all of a sudden, he's like, I'll never let you get out of my sight. And I was like wait what just did we miss like a five? I want to talk about him. You belong to me now woman. He was throwing his autographed picture at the end of that fight. Now he had those on him. How about wearing the sunglasses to the other fight? Those are five hundred thousand. See this was during a time, I feel like in like the early 90s there was this real sort of like a lot of actors in movies were portrayed as just the worst douchebags in the world.

Like that was during that time where it was like you were a movie star in a movie playing a movie star. Yeah. You were getting handled pretty. A horrible person. We also need to go back to the fact that the whole reason he's there is because he like definitely reads tabloid articles about himself Like Chinese yes the tabloid article what he is his characters arc is that the tabloids are saying That he is a fake. Yeah a fake karate fighter. He's a guy. I can't stand it. I'm a good karate fighter.

And that's why he goes. Can I actually play this clip from the movie when his master comes to tell him to fight in this tournament? You'll get a sense of the movie here. Let's take a listen. I see the press is still giving you a hard time. Yeah, they think I'm a fake.

Johnny, you're one of the best martial artists in the world, and I can help you prove it. Prove it? How? A tournament. THE tournament is held once a generation. The best fighters in the world are invited. You win the tournament, you win the respect. They'll tell the entire world that you're the real goods

That's that is the premise like that pretty much though at the end of the movie. We had seen you know Printing presses putting out some new articles It's also nice. It didn't seem like the word was gonna get out. Maybe in the sequel. The sequel does pick up right after this movie I want to just before we get away from Johnny Cage, because there's something very important, did you guys notice anything about that director that was directing the movie? Anything? Oh yes.

Who did it look like? Oh, the director? Yeah. Steven Spielberg. Right. Now, did you be very surprised to know that apparently Steven Spielberg is a big Mortal Kombat fan and was supposed to make an appearance as the director in the movie, but scheduling conflicts forced him to back out

at the last minute. So he was lined up. Steven Spielberg could have been in this movie. I wonder if he's bummed listening to this show right now. He listens, right? He listens all the time. I also think that somebody should tell Johnny Cage about PR.

You know what I mean? Just let him clue him in. He can get people that, because he's kind of going for this word of mouth element. That I feel like, you know. It's like invite some reporters on set and just have them watch you actually do it.

Because he is actually doing it. Yeah, there's nothing about, it's very easy to prove that you're not a fake. Yeah, do an expo. Do like a martial arts expo. Right. Show people that he's not a sun person. Almost anything. Yeah. That people. Really, anything.

Almost anything. That would be the only, that would be the easiest to find. Or to be honest, enter a difficult to locate and or prove exists other world fighting competition that nobody is aware of. With no specific name. In the hopes that the people there will then spread the word. Yeah, they're gonna talk about it. But for all intents and purposes that is impossible, as everyone will be dead.

Except for the one winner in theory. To be fair to this film, we will say that the guy was a face-shifter. Oh yeah. It was actually Sheng Seng, who came there and pretended to be his old man. He was tricking all of these people into coming to fight by appealing to their problems. But still the premise of why he went remains the same. Well look, if your teacher, if your sensei told you there is a thing, you might go. You may not ask him too many questions. How come none of the guys from Cobra Kai were there?

They're not the best fighters. Yeah, they're not. You know, it's clear. But again, does anyone, alright, so this is my question, and this is maybe infuriating people at home. Is there a reason, I don't understand, like, you would, my idea would be that there would be somebody from every realm, and then whoever won the tournament would then be the, be able to take over all the realms. You're now kind of describing the plot line of Ed Brubaker and Mad Faction's Iron Fist

series, which is, uh, multiple realms, each have a fighter, and all those fighters have to fight each other Okay, and they all have special powers about which which pertain to each of their places of origin Got it, which is a way better version of this. Yes kind of like last airbender which was again one of the worst movies We've ever seen in our entire lives I think we could even take this one step back though Just even the way that the people in this movie are delivering the word fighter makes that sound like it is a baby. Did anybody say anybody?

Because they'd be like, he's a great fighter. In the movie, the fighter, that sounds like a tough thing to be. In this movie, it sounds like a vague description of nothing. Where are they fighting? He's a fighter. He's a fighter. He's going to fight. And it's also such a weird assemblage of people. Like an actor, a, I don't know what John-

A special ops person. Yeah, what a, Luke Kang, I don't really understand what he does besides tucking shirts into jeans. Oh my god. I, but we have yet to touch upon who I found to be the most bizarre person in this movie, which was Christopher Lambert. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I mean, there's a fucking Highlander in this movie. There's a Highlander.

And he, Lord Raiden, and he- What's going on? Who is he? Is he cross-eyed? No. Well, it would be hard to know if he's cross-eyed because you can't stop thinking about his accent. His accent?

You can't focus on his face because you're trying to close your eyes to figure out where he's from. I can't tell if he has an accent. You're talking baby talk the whole time. It was such a fascinating performance though. I will give him this, I really could not take my eyes off of it. Tell me more.

Every time he was on screen, because I really did have trouble paying attention to this movie. So I am a little lost on a lot of this because it really just didn't hold my attention. But when he came on screen, I was... Well, he's always popping up. He's always popping into everybody's conversations. And then he's presenting stuff and he's like, Oh, you're finally learning. But he's never presenting it.

Like, like everyone, like, at a certain point, I was like, Oh, he's going to train them. He doesn't train them. At a certain point, I was like, Oh, he's going the obi-wan Kenobi like he's gonna have to fight The big bad guy like the like Vader and obi-wan's fight and sacrifice himself. Nope. He like disappears for them Yes, yes What does he do in the video shoots those laser So he does fight.

He has laser eyes. Do you think any part of your fixation with him has to do with his unusual hairline? Because I think he has one of the more unusual hairlines in movie done. Like it's kind of a Frankenstein's. Well that was a wig though. Yeah, but like any movie you've ever,

no that's just natural. But that's somebody's job to make a wig look good. I mean you can't just chalk it up. The look on June's face for the line, that was a wig, though, was priceless. Come on, Karly. That was a wig. Sweetheart, that was a wig.

Um. His, I mean, I don't really know what's going on with his hair, but I will say, have seen the Highlander series. Yes. It's as confusing. I agree with this. Should we do Highlander on this show?

I think we should definitely do Highlander on this show. Should we just do every Christopher Lambert movie? That should be our live show. Also married to Diane Lane for a very long time, I believe. I love Diane Lane. My issue about him too is that it clearly Raiden, or at least when I played the game, was an Asian man, hence the rice paddy hat. Yeah. And I feel like anyone else wearing a rice paddy hat

is offensive. I do feel like, I don't feel like a- Also, the wig was like, it's definitely a wig. Listen, that could be a wig or not. I mean, but like- You think you could grow that length and thickness up here? Yeah, I think he grew that up. Uh-huh.

No, not the thickness. They thick it up. Welcome back to Wig Talk with June Diane Rayfield. If you have done a wig for Christopher Lambert, we want to have you on the show. You know what? If you're a working Hollywood wig artist and have worked with Nicolas Cage, Christopher Lambert, or anybody else, please call us. But I do see what you're saying, which is that the wig is following and mimicking a

hairline that's already there. But it's just pretty shocking. It's pretty straight across in a way that hair doesn't ever grow. There is something amazing. I want to talk about, and this I think kind of sums up his character. So Raiden is this character who is the mentor, the Mr. Miyagi of this, who gives no information. Mr. Miyagi, you can at least look back and go, oh, well he, the wax on wax off taught him this. Everything that Christopher Lambert said doesn't make any sense. The best thing I think that sums up this whole character is at the very end of the movie what he says to these

characters that just had a battle to the death. Here, take a listen. I've got to tell you something. You guys did great. the death here take a listen. This is a big violent action movie and he just basically goes, you guys, you guys are so good. I'm so proud of you guys. Great job. Like it's just like, it's such an unclimactic ending of a movie. It's like a ruffling of the hair almost. Yeah.

Hey you buddies. And it gives him a little net. And he has the kind of opinion where he's kind of like, I always knew you could do it. I don't want to. But it's like, no, you've had nothing. He didn't really assemble these people. He has nothing to do with their success.

He didn't train them, nor did he impart anything of particular value to them. Well, I thought he trained one of them. I thought he trained... Liu Kang? Yeah, didn't he? I couldn't tell. I mean, and by the way, that was how the movie

was supposed to end, with him just going, I gotta tell you guys something, you did great, credits. And then they added on a little bit more because I think it tested so poorly that they were like, whoa, that's, you can't end. Well, and all those children ran out. Where were those children? Where did those kids come from? Was that a school? A school let out on this crazy mysterious island in Bizarro land?

And again, I'm not quite sure if this island existed on Earth. Maybe those were the kids who were going to spread the word about the actors. Well, he's got that army on the islands and they've got to fuck something. sure if this island existed on Earth. Maybe those were the kids who were going to spread the word about the actors. Well, he's got that army on the islands and they've got to fuck something. So there must be concubines and those girls get pregnant and those kids no doubt become like the next wave of like the slave army. It's like the army that Khaleesi hires. So that's the baby, the baby of the Khaleesi?

You could cut a nipple right off. I did like Princess Katana Anyone yeah, yeah, I thought it was pretty confusing Yes, that she fought What's his name? Yeah, and then nothing happened. How was that? They fought for a second, but it was not when she was telling him wait when she was telling me What to do there's some what's going on there? That's the other thing I have an issue with this movie sometimes

They're tournament fights and other times are just fighting and like like it's like oh like when that army attacks the three of them And they're kind of yeah snooping around me the mysterious mountain like that's not a that's not a fight That's on record that that's sort of like an extracurricular fight And why did why did they keep on saying that it was going to be, there were going to be terrible consequences if she got together with what is named Lucane? Didn't they also say she was 10,000 years old? Yeah, she's 10,000 years old.

She looks great. What? Oh, she was looking great. Her wig was great. You know what I mean? Like, she looks great wig worker. Was it a wig? No way that she is 10,000 years old.

You don't know how supernatural powers affect. It could be the opposite way, you know? Maybe, maybe. Like the Mork and Mindy, Jonathan Winters was a very, as a baby, but he's an old man. Is a baby. Oh, that's interesting. R.I.P. Jonathan Winters. R.I.P.

Uh, can we talk about the set design a little bit too? All the sets look like, like an expensive but shitty- How about the crazy stairs? Oh. How about the crazy stairs that Johnny, what's his name, fights yellow guy on? Yellow, guy in yellow suit. I think this looks like a He-Man playset. That you had at your house that they were like,

does anybody have anything they can bring in? Our budget is low. Well, it was like, this is somebody who makes a home haunt. It looks pretty good, it's like, we'll put some purple light here, you can't really tell if that's a refrigerator. The grapes are eyeballs! Stuff that looks like cobwebs and a couple of fake skeletons. The most upsetting thing was when that guy was eating

the chicken wing. The cyborg guy? Yeah, the turkey leg, whatever the hell that was. It was disgusting. I hate Mike's food smell. It was disgusting. I found that really sexy, actually. Ugh.

And the amount of food on that table. And why was he by himself and not at the banquet? Well because that was the scene where they needed to send up all the exposition of the entire movie. They said everything in that scene. That entire scene was, it was crazy. But also that banquet that he's having follows the banquet where they bring in a ton of food. A ton of food. Then they throw all the food on the ground.

That's to be kidding me. That just seems to be not right. Well, that was like, they kind of like, welcome everybody. We're going to have this great tournament where we fight to the death. It wasn't just a dessert. It was literally, they served it, flipped over every table. And then one fight happened where a guy just shot

like an ice bolt at this guy And that was it and it's like okay, and now everybody go to bed. Go to bed Everybody go to bed. It was like the worst first night at Hogwarts You know when all the food arrived. I thought it was like a like an Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom Oh, yeah, it would be like monkey skulls. The monkey's a monkey I guess that's what they were trying to show like the cruelty of of them not even getting into the food and then this guy, you know, having that entire table to himself. I really was trying so hard and oftentimes to tell like, who are the bad guys exactly? I don't know.

And what are their, what is their, like, Kano and forearms would, to me, seem to be the henchmen for the main bad guy. But they were just meeting for the first time in that scene. So I was like, what the fuck is this? Who, wow. And this only happens once a generation. And was the 10,000 year old woman like a bad guy who was helping the good guys?

I think that they were like, keep an eye on the 10,000 year old bad woman because she's the only one who could possibly defeat me. So she was an ally. So they needed to use the clear CGI character, which was another amazing- Oh, the salacious crumb character? They have this like little reptilian, like this little lizard. And that's one of my favorite scenes in the movie when the main bad guy goes up to like

a lizard statue Like keep your eye on her and take a look at her and yeah, like you don't know what's going on He fully exits frame So that the statue can come alive and be like like a many-toothed terrible monster And it is it is interesting just to go back to the Goro scene when he's like introduced and you see him for the first Time and they're eating and he's not eating because obviously he's got great abs, so he's probably really restrictive. Oh, totally.

It's just a very high protein and he has to work out twice a day. And before seven. I think absolutely. But then also whenever they do close-ups of his hands, what I love about his hands is that they look like the exact same gloves that the Ninja Turtles made or in that Ninja Turtles made. They're weirdly the exact same gloves that the Ninja Turtles made. Totally. Or in that Ninja Turtles thing.

They're weirdly the exact same thing. I think they just sprayed them. I think they just sprayed them down. They were like, cut off one of those fingers. I think the Ninja Turtles have four. Amazing. These guys have three. This guy has three.

But otherwise it was like a real recycled look that I appreciated. I wish I could have seen him actually hold a drumstick. Also when it's a man in the suit, he does this one move where he raises his arms above his head and the two sets of arms are connected. So when he raises one set, the other set automatically goes. It's very cheap costume design. And so they repeatedly go back to him and all he's doing is just raising his arms above his head.

But like the second set of arms is like very meekly following the first. Well I gotta say I didn't feel like they used and capitalized off of those four arms. I mean there was that fight scene. But that fight scene, okay, so he's built up as this big guy. The first one. He's like the unbeatable guy. That they're like oh we're all gonna get killed by four arms. And so Johnny Cage immediately just punches him in the dick.

Is he wearing sunglasses at that point? No, he's been crushed. At which point Christopher Lambert punches a guy in the arm and goes, yes! And then he goes, I'm sorry about that. And I felt like that was one of the biggest reveals of the movie was that Goro is anatomically correct. Because I was not anticipating a piece. I was like, no way this guy's got a dick. But here's my issue.

I didn't think so, yeah. He punches him in the dick. And he goes down like, oh. And then Goro is literally doubled over for, I would say, a good 15 to 20 seconds. Johnny Cage does nothing else. He could be like, the guy is bent over he could just be bam bam bam. He runs upstairs and decides to create this other plan of like running off a cliff but

it's like the guy is he has the upper hand and does nothing. Nothing. You're absolutely right. It is a fight that is there's so much build up I feel like to Goro fighting any of our heroes what we think of as our heroes. Oh there are heroes. buildup. I feel like to go Goro fighting any of our heroes What we think are as our heroes? Oh, there are here. There are hours I think you know I feel a certain ownership of them. You know Johnny Liu Kang Sonia Sonia love them

Are I couldn't tell exactly if she's but I felt like she was one of us So Johnny Cage is like you know what I'm gonna fight Goro and they're like what you're gonna get killed And he's like I've got a plan and his plan is punch him in the nuts and then lure him outside Yeah, so you can throw him off a cliff what and by the way, he didn't it didn't seem like he knew that that cliff was there The fight is such a letdown by the way when you have somebody that injured just just go to town What is that? Maybe you want to see the device of somebody falling off a cliff and then the shot from above like yeah the extra arms You know when we've seen it before like when the beast fell off the tower and beating the beast like he only has

When Gaston falls up he only got two arms like a human person. But this guy forms this kind of extra thing. It's nice. And I love that they had the little callback there because Johnny Cage, he's so upset with this movie that he's on because none of the extras are falling down at the right time. Oh, yeah, right. And he goes, now you fall.

And then you get to say it again to Gorham. How did this go? How did this go? Where do you think he put all of his luggage? Johnny Cage. Well, that was a great runner. Where did they stay? I don't know. What were their barracks like? He brought no less than eight suitcases.

Eight like Louis Vuitton suitcases. Like square boxy suitcases. It was like a Kate Winslet gets to the Titanic situation. But then, but that was the weird thing about that character he alternated between being like I am NOT just an actor I'm a fighter and then and but yet he was like also like a diva e actor at certain points too Like I couldn't quite get a handle on and I thought that that struggle within him was going like he was gonna have to come to Terms June you brought me to one of my biggest points this movie is all about inner demons versus outer demons. Oh, shit. But he never really wrestled with that.

He was never confronted with his own vanity versus his wanting to be the real thing. Was he? Well, I think when the woman is wearing the dress, for some reason, was again, June 3rd, Mark? Was that a... Was he? Genuinely asking because I missed a scene.

And guess what? We didn't make this movie. Stop yelling at us. I'm sorry. Because that would be how his character would finally come to terms with his... Well, Christopher Lambert tells them all what is holding them back from achieving like true excellence and being the best. And he goes one by one and is like, you are afraid that the prophecy is true, Liu Kang. You are afraid that, you know, to be whatever he says to Johnny.

He says to each one of them and you're like, oh, okay, I guess they're all going to have to individually conquer these weaknesses in order to be stronger. Nope, not really. Okay, wait, what? The movie's over? Okay, great. I fucking hate this movie. That just made me think, I didn't realize this watching it, but now that we're talking about it, that means that like he came back, so the whole reason he's there is so he can talk to people about the tournament. Do you think he came back and he was like, you guys? He would have seemed there. His acting career would have been over. The tournament. In the underworld.

Forearms down the tube. He calls his agent and he's like, get me an interview. In the trades. I took a fog boat with some new friends. I fought a man with four arms who fell off a cliff in a magical city. And a man with a rice paddy hat told me my destiny was here. A woman was 10,000 years old

I love thinking about those interviews and how well his career must have gone after I guess he proved it! It was before we didn't believe it but now But it does prove that there were some people that seemed to be just there as spectators like they're just like They look like dads to me like dads and jeans are like around they didn't seem like they were a fighter Hey, hey Mitch you you're going to the Mortal Kombat fight this weekend What happens once every generation of my fucking wife will let me out of the house you gotta get out of this is gonna be a pretty spectacular fight did you hear did you

hear Luke hang is gonna be there I Luke hang yeah his brother me I killed Gary Pete Luke we're all gonna go we're all team Luke hang Southwest going there this is a Southwest is not but frontier does oh we got a real great gig on plane fuck yeah if it flies right into the fog and you fly right out into the oceanic There's a Southwest is not but frontier does oh we got a real great gig on plane fuck Yeah, if it flies right into the fog and you fly right out into the oceanic flight eight Flows shit, I can't remember 15 thank you when Goro shows up to that fight they pan across this audience that you're talking about and there's just most of them are Wearing ninja outfits. There's one guy in a flannel

guy in a flannel. That was it! That was what I saw! Please rewind it. I rewind it twice. I love that. As a lesbian, I have to always be on the look for flannels. Where are they at? How's the plan for this?

So it was nice to see. You know what? I feel like you know what it was. I feel like they were, they were like, rolling, rolling. Oh, shit. Sound Mikey? What are you doing? You know what?

We're just going to have to shoot him in there. He's like, what? I was Mikey-ing over here. I didn't, I didn't. Just stay, just stay where you are. You're have to shoot him in there. He's like what I was Mikey over here I just stay just stay where you are You're gonna be in this shot like the side like a guy like a grip or something was just added to the movie I You got to watch the fight since because they're and they're also in the front They're like right on the stage here's now it's time for some facts that will I think blow your mind because they blew mine What do you think the budget of this movie was?

$75 million. Okay, 1995. 1995? Yeah, 95. $15 million. Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna say like 40. Okay, $18 million.

Oh! Okay. Oh, weekend gross, opening weekend, $23 million. Wow! Worldwide gross, $122 million. This movie is a giant hit. It was number one at the box office. It was a huge, huge movie.

Now, here are some facts that also will blow your mind. People who- This movie is imaginary. Did never happen. Tom Cruise and Johnny Depp were both considered for Johnny Cage. Considered. Considered. Cameron Diaz was cast as Sonya Blade, but broke her wrist before the filming

started. Oh Jesus! I can't believe that! You know, I would have, as you know, like it's so nice whenever her name comes up, because she is my namesake. I mean, she's only like two or three years older than me, but my parents, but my parents renamed me when they heard about her. From the mask? Well, actually when she was in Seventeen magazine. Oh, nice. Which was her first modeling job.

I remember seeing it in the credits in the back. I was like, rename me this, please, mom and dad. So Cameron Diaz, I can't believe you're not in this movie. It would have been so great to see all that underwear dancing that she's known for. Sure. She has so many underwear. So now Cameron Diaz broke her wrist.

So then they hire Miss Teen USA Kathleen McClellan. So they get her in the movie. She gets injured. And so then Bridgette Wilson is the third person that they cast. Gregory McKinney replaced Steve James as Dax because he died. And then Brandon Lee was then cast as Johnny Cage. And then he died and then Brandon Lee was then cast as Johnny Cage and then he died. Oh no.

Johnny, John Claude Van Damme turned down Johnny Cage to do Street Fighter and then I don't know. I would have liked him in this as well. I would have liked him in this. Yeah, me too. But here is the best fact of the whole movie. Now this goes back to what we talked about earlier. Apparently, get ready for this.

The snake and insect action was monitored by the American Humane Association and commended the film for its responsible and sensitive treatment of even the smallest of Earth's creatures. Oh, God. Wow. So this movie got a special commendation. The animals were treated well in a movie that was about senseless murder. How do you treat a worm well?

I do not know. It's like decent dirt. You keep birds away from it. Obviously, we had opinions about this movie. Especially if it's an early morning shoot. Because those early birds, they really get those worms. I've heard that. You can have no apples on set.

No, no, no. That's like cocaine to them. How do you keep a bird away from worms? Is it like a dick punch? Do you think you punch a bird in its bird dick? You just slap it in his... You know what? Maybe.

Although, I don't know how to immediately and rapidly tell the gender of a bird. If you are a bird, if you are a bird dick puncher, we want you on the show. If you know how to train birds, hopefully through abuse of their genitalia, to not go after worms, please give us a call. Once again, we're looking for you to clarify some things we have questions about.

All right, so obviously we have an opinion about this movie, but it's now time for a second opinion. Hit the theme song. These are second opinions. From top to bottom, crazy movies are fun. Okay, so these are five star reviews, Cold from Amazon. One of my favorite reviews of all time is coming up. It's a little bit long, but it's well worth it.

Here we go. From Laura S. This is my childhood movie. They have some good fights and some really funny dialogue for understanding listeners. The, I it's pretty. What does that even mean? I don't know.

This movie made me interested in wisdom. What? Good looks. What? And martial arts. Wisdom, it made you interested in wisdom. Just interested in it. Just interested, wanna check out that wisdom

that everyone's talking about. Oh, you know what I'm gonna do tomorrow? I'm gonna go to the library and I'm gonna look up wisdom. Also, good looks. Good looks! Do you think they misspelled wizards? They were the wizards? Maybe that's wizards? Alright, now I'm gonna read one other. So this one is,

One of the best video game movies ever made. If you never saw this movie before and you watch it now in 2011, you probably won't like it. With its thin and you'll think it's cheesy but if you remember how sweet this movie was when it came out and you remember scorpion shooting his grappling hook out of his hand and ripping off his face to reveal a skull that breathes fire then this is for you five stars oh god I hope this person's at a better place in life now here's another one the acting the story special effects, everything is just perfect. My favorite scene is when Sonya

does battle against Kano and we see how sexy she is with her nice breast. What? Five stars. What? Breast? Singular? Singular. You know that scene did make me feel... Singular breast? With her nice breast. We can see how she is sexy with her nice breasts. I can't believe that's what they were, I mean she's wearing black jean shorts, that's the look. The short shorts, yeah. That's the fucking look in that scene. By the way, the person who wrote this,

their screen name is LBWorshipper, so pound worshipper? I don't know, chubby chaser. Now, I- Maybe, or a very big fan of Lorraine Bracco This is much longer than a normal review But I came across this one and I felt like it needs to be read it Okay, you want the Mortal Kombat music under you while you read it. I you may be distracting but let's say let's I mean, we don't have to to, because it is very intense.

Okay, here we go. This was written on December 26th, 2011. So it was right after Christmas. Right after. From Caracas, Venezuela. Now I'll be reading it the way it was written. You'll understand why in just a moment. I was a fan of the first Mortal Kombat when it came out and I remember playing it in my 386 when the movie was announced I almost got an orgasm and when it came out again in VHS DVD was years from being commercial I don't know what that means. I see the movie once and another and another time in fact This is really bumming me out.

In fact making an interstate trip on a bus, I convinced the girl that works on the bus attending passengers of put the movie on during travel. Yep, I carry the tape with me. So he brought a VHS on a bus. This is very dark. One day the tape broke up. This is a suicide note. I'm going to be really upset.

One day the tape broke up. Yep, I see movie more than a hundred times and the tape got overused and broke. I cry a lot that day and even I have the broken tape with me. When movie came out on DVD I was uber happy and bought it until I was robbed. They break on my house and take my DVD player with disc inside. Of course I bought it again and even today when his FX are really lame compared with actual I still enjoy a lot of this movie. The end was great too and when I see it I was stunned looking that there will be a

second part. But as this time you must know it was but dot dot dot stay away from that. Unless you are a collectionist of MK stuffs buy it but don't watch it because then you will not get desires But you must punch somebody don't know what that means I think he's basically saying the second movie is not very good. I was happy when I bought the sequel to this Yes called the Mortal Kombat Annihilation, which is what we were going to do But I was heard that we couldn't do that until we saw this one I was happy when I bought remember at the end when they're like, uh oh, the-

Well I figured but I didn't know- I knew that's what it was setting up but I couldn't imagine it was made. It felt like it could have fallen through the cracks. Yeah. It did and I'm like, well. Yeah. It came out many years later. Alright so here's the end of it.

Here it goes. I was happy when I bought the DVD and I see it has Spanish subtitles because as you must know now from reading my review, my English stinks, but not so much as MK2. Slam on MK2. Amazing. So I only buy DVDs that have Spanish subtitles and it's like some divinity don't want me to throw my money away.

The MK2 movie has not subtitles and I can't really remember what to do with my VHS tape. I really want to believe that I threw that one out the window. Five stars. Wow. This is one of the craziest reviews. It's pretty intense. It's intense and I you I want to know where he's going on that bus. He's on an interstate trip with a VHS copy Convinces someone to get it Finds that it's gonna be on DVD after this after he finds out the movie's coming out

He has an orgasm then he gets the DVD his house is robbed the DVD is stolen harrowing tale and then he finds out about the sequel he's kind of slams a sequel and then he's just wants to let you know that this is a good DVD because it does have Spanish subtitles. And please don't forget that he watched that tape so much that it broke. It broke. He broke. I'm trying to's a hundred times. I'm trying to think of anything. I've not watched anything enough that a tape would have broken. I remember getting worried that my VHS tape

of Anna Green Gables was going to go. Yeah. Like that it was actually. Cause was that, but was that something also that you like, taped off of television? No, that was given to me. Oh, it was for sale.

Okay. Cause I remember thinking that about things that I had like taped off of television, but you couldn't sale. Okay. Because I remember thinking that about things that I had taped off of television but you couldn't get. Like, I used to tape Saturday Night Live. And I would be afraid that something would happen. I used to fix tapes, open up the top and you put them in. Oh yeah.

Guys, this is the classic time. Anything that we missed, anything that we want to talk about, anything. I feel like we covered a lot of it. The one thing I feel like I would be remiss if we didn't talk about is that one scene in the beginning when Luke hang decides to go fight in the tournament monks murmur. He's like I'm gonna fight that tournament the month Like I think monks should not be gossiping amongst each other that seems like an odd an odd thing for monks to do to kind Of have a little Much this movie was so bad. I think that my favorite part of this movie is that whatever that guy's name is, Liu Kang

is fighting the big bad guy. And the big bad guy turns around about two feet from him and then turns back around and he's his brother. Oh yeah. If you watch this movie for any reason, fast forward to that part just so that you can see Liu Kang go, wait a minute, I don't think you're my brother. He just saw him transform. And still in his mind.

He watched him transform. In his mind, there's a chance that that is really his brother. And the brother tries to prove it by saying a line that will live with me for the rest of my life, which is, remember when our parents died? If the movie had ended on that, I would have been a five star review myself. You would have written it on Christmas Day. I would have written it on Christmas Day. Oh my god, that was a great little reveal too.

Oh man, the brother, the dead brother. None of it pays off. None of it. Would you guys recommend? Now here's the thing, this movie's on iTunes and you can't even rent it. No, I paid $15. I paid $9 on iTunes for it. How did you pay $9? It was only $9 on iTunes. I think I paid $15. I paid $9 on iTunes for it. Well, how did you pay $9?

It was only $9 on iTunes. I think I paid $15 on iTunes. You got high definition. Oh, yeah. So I bet it looked better. I bet it looked better. It looked amazing, if amazing looks like garbage. So would you guys recommend watching this movie?

Never once ever in your life. No. I think you could fast forward and find some fun stuff. I think if you can just find that scene of the brother, that's gonna stick with you. And also that flannel guy. The flannel guy. I'm interested in going back and seeing. This movie is bad.

Christopher Lambert, I think his... This movie is bad because there's no movement in this movie. The fights are lateral and boring. I don't necessarily believe in piracy, but somebody should pirate that section and put it on the internet, and then all of our problems will be solved. This brings a whole thing. Making a movie out of a video game,

there are separate things. I think you can make a video game out of a good movie, but also trying to do something cool. When Luke Kang's move in the video game is like he flies forward and his legs are kicking really fast, but in this movie, when he's flying forward, he's flies forward and his legs are kicking really fast but in this movie when he's flying forward he's like almost he's sitting and his legs are just moving it's not impressive it's a it's it's almost anything but it seems like almost like a sketch like you would see it on a

Saturday live if you're gonna watch this at this point watch the raid redemption watch like a really good martial arts fighting calm you know combat movie that would be like more any of like the Tony Jaa movies or something. I'd recommend Haywire. If you like Sonya in this movie, why don't you go watch a real MMA lady take some people down to size. Great, love it.

Does she have a sense of humor? She's a terrible actor, but hey, what the heck? She was on American Gladiators, the reboot. Well, this is a bit so much fun. Karen, what do you have that you want to plug and tell us about? So I have two podcasts of my own. Oh great. And if folks like this, I also do an action and sci-fi movie podcast. What? What? I didn't know about this. It's called Wham Bam Pow! And that's why I said this is my wheelhouse. I fucking love this shit.

So you can do that with Ricky Carmona and Rhea Butcher who also are they're both amazing comics. Amazing. And then Rhea and I also run a show at the UCB on Tuesday nights. Very good show. It is called Put Your Hands Together and we put that out as a podcast as well and that is a stand-up podcast in fact it is like the first of its kind. It's really awesome. Amazing. In your house, at home. Okay the end. What else we got guys anything?, you still in the dictator? Yeah, I'm just getting word now that I'm still in it. Oh good, that is... That's a great pile.

Yeah, yeah. My voice has now been dubbed. But your body is still in it. My body is still in it, but I've been told that my voice has been entirely dubbed. All right, that's okay. You're doing a lot of business. But with a dog's bark. Oh wow. So my character has now been But with a dog's bark. Oh wow.

So my character has now been reduced to being an animal in the movie apparently. But I haven't watched it. It's an interesting performance. My comic book Alien vs. Parker is coming out on February 4th. The trade paperback. Read them all in one sitting. June, what the fuck do you want to talk about? Oh shit! Oh, June, did you want to yawn on mic? Don't you have a DVD coming out? Oh yeah, Ass Backwards is out on DVD January 28th

And available on iTunes. There you go. Well, I'll also say go see Ride Along. Oh, yes Why not? Jason Manzoukas, writer of Ride Along, a huge huge hit. Yeah, it is. Giant hit. Now, weird. Are you gonna be riding around like in a helicopter fueled by champagne at this point? A rider of Ride Along, a huge hit. Yeah, it is. Giant hit. Fantastic. Giant hit. Now, are you going to be riding around like in a helicopter fueled by champagne at this point? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you think I got here? It is not a good technology.

Is that actually true? Yes. I did write a version of it. You wrote the first version, right? I wrote the middle version. I flipped out because I walked by one of those big bus ads and I saw your name on the thing and I was like, wait, what? I texted you immediately and did not hear you talk about it.

We were vacationed together and didn't even hear you mention it. Nope. You are a mystery. Yeah, guys. All right. But check it out on my Twitter. No, you do not have a Twitter. I still don't have Twitter. But how my Twitter no you do not have a Twitter

don't have Twitter but how does get made as a Twitter you can follow us at HDD whatever you know the initials of fucking show I'm on Twitter at Paul Shear at miss June Diane yeah and I'm at Cameron Esposito on Twitter all right that wraps up the show and a big thanks to everyone that helps us out here at earwolf Brett our engineer our amazing people online Avril Haley who pulls all of our clips She's amazing and Nate Kylie does a lot of the research getting in deep on the Wikipedia pages Leanna Waldron Designing cool shit that goes on our Facebook pages every single fucking day and Katie Dyer who runs our

Official how did this get made Twitter? That's right, we have a How Did This Get Made Twitter. You know that? It's at H-D-T-G-M. H-D-T-G-M. Did I say that right? I think I did. Alright, so that's all I'm gonna say for the end of the show. Thank you everybody for listening. Thank you everybody here at Earwulf. We'll see you next time. Bye-bye. And I'm so proud!