How Did This Get Made? - Merry Kissmas w/ Jessica St. Clair

Episode Date: December 12, 2025

It ain't Christmas b*tch! Our favorite old crone Jessica St. Clair joins us for our annual holiday livestream to break down 2015's Merry Kissmas—a movie with a softly magical elevator filled with unwanted kisses. They discuss Doris Roberts' forceful smooch, the flirty cousins, Kayla's obsession with the Nutcracker doll, the eccentric German shopkeeper, Carlton's triangular facial hair, the worst Santa ever, and so much more. Is it ok to commit adultery with your elevator soulmate? Is it normal to have a favorite pair of socks? Should you grab a face while kissing? The answers to all these questions get debated loudly and passionately. Merry Kissmas and a Happy Blowyear! • Our holiday virtual livestream is on Dec 10th! Get tix at veeps.events/hdtgm• Go to hdtgm.com for tour dates, merch, FAQs, and more• Have a Last Looks correction or omission? Call 619-PAULASK to leave us a voicemail!• Submit your Last Looks theme song to us here• Join the HDTGM conversation on Discord: discord.gg/hdtgm• Buy merch at howdidthisgetmade.dashery.com/• Order Paul’s book about his childhood: Joyful Recollections of Trauma• Shop our new hat collection at podswag.com• Paul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheer• Paul’s YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheer• Follow Paul on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer• Subscribe to Enter The Dark Web w/ Paul & Rob Huebel: youtube.com/@enterthedarkweb• Listen to Unspooled with Paul & Amy Nicholson: unspooledpodcast.com• Listen to The Deep Dive with June & Jessica St. Clair: thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcast• Instagram: @hdtgm, @paulscheer, & @junediane• Twitter: @hdtgm, @paulscheer, & msjunediane  • Jason is not on social media• Episode transcripts available at how-did-this-get-made.simplecast.com/episodesGet access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using the link: siriusxm.com/hdtgm Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Dear residents, due to rampant complaints of sexual harassment from an elderly woman, we were removing the mistletoe from the elevator effective immediately. We saw Merry Kissmiss, so you know what that means. Now it's time for how did this campaign? We're going to have a good time, celebrate some failure, not just be a hater, because you know you wonder, how did this campaign? Let's follow in the mediocrity of sub-bar art.

Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question. How did this get made? Hello people of earth and welcome to the How to This Get Made annual live stream. We are here to talk tonight about a film called Merry Kissmiss, a film financed apparently by K-Julers, partly financed, I should say. And what's the plot? If you haven't seen it, well, it's about a young woman who is in love but falls out of love when mistletoe forces her to kiss a man that she realizes is her true soulmate. I think that's roughly the plot. but you know what, let's break it all down.

I didn't see that so at all. There we go. I have thoughts. I didn't see that. Too much pressure to have you all sitting next to me for that opening. Just staring at you. Just staring at me. So I need to get there quickly.

Welcome, Jason. By the way, maybe the first to say, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. And Merry Christmas to all. And a happy blow year. A what? A happy blow year. A happy blow year.

What is that? I'm sorry. Cut the stream, West. Merry Christmas and a happy blow year. No. Whoa. I thought that's what you, that's what it was kind of like building to. Do I wish that this movie had anywhere near that kind of sexual charge? I believe none of the people in this movie have given or received a blow job ever.

I will argue, and I'm going to have a whole speech to make about this, that the only sexual chemistry that anybody had was between the cousins. Oh, yes, the cousin and Joshua. I think the cousin and Joshua were from the animal shelter, yes. Deep side part? Yes, deep side part. No, no. Yeah, they were on fire.

Here's what I'm going to say, just for fans out there, this is directed by someone who we've covered multiple times in the show, the director of 12 pups of Christmas and the dog who saved Christmas. That makes sense. Is this, well, I was about to say, is this his first film, or hers? Or her story? Is this her, although I don't want to claim this for my gender. But is this his or hers first Christmas movie without dogs is what I was about to say.

But there is a dog in it. Barclay. I'm so sorry, June. Do not remember. I forgot for a second. Barkley, our favorite dog. I will say if you don't remember, this director has an interesting type of films that he makes as he makes Christmas movies.

He makes Christmas dog movies. And he also makes a serial killer films. He made a film about BTK and John Wayne Gasey. And he also made- See, that's what this movie needed a little bit more of bind, torture, kill. That's what we had in the Doris Roberts elevator. That's where it came out. No, no.

Jessica, there was an element. You're absolutely right of danger. Yes, desperation and violence. I agree. in that scene. She put her finger in and out of his ears. I desperately wanted her to be a ghost. I wanted her to be revealed to be not real.

Well, there was something... Otherworldly about her. There was so much... Everybody in this movie is so weirdly passive in all regards, except Doris Roberts, who, like a shark, is moving through this world from one makeout to another.

But I will say this. Every character that we meet, you think, oh, well, they'll have a magical part. like Doris Roberts, she might have kicked off a magical thing with a kiss. That's right. The Santa Claus, the, uh, the doorman. The pond that she throws a coin into. Yes.

No, no magic. Yeah, the movie keeps wanting you to feel magic and it's giving you the audio cue of that da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. That's like a magic thing is happening. But it's always in service of no magic. And I think the only thing that's posited as magic is the elevator. Yes. But is it magic glass?

Is it magic? I don't want to touch you. I don't want to talk you on the Doris Roberts. I don't want it. Yes. I just did what he couldn't do, which was say no. Which was say no and get away. Now, and here's the thing.

I didn't get the performance from Doris Roberts. Like, I really found it fascinating that he couldn't say no. And by the way, like, I don't mean to say, obviously, many victims of sexual violence. Oh, no. Don't say no. Are frozen in fear. I don't know how I went down this road. Doris Roberts did say she only wanted this movie released after she was dead because she could really do what she needed to get done.

I don't blame him. I do think he froze. But it was very strange because it felt like he was playing. The energy he was playing was like, I don't want to offend a sweet old lady. And I wanted to say, my brother in Christ, she is dangerous. Yes, she is a villain. Don't worry about her, and she can handle it. Yes.

Yes. Am I the only one that desperately wanted her and Carlton to end up at the end? Who's Carlton? The fiancé? That's wild. I will say. I want to talk about him roughly for the next hour. 800 minutes.

Oh, absolutely British Carlton? No, not British. Darling. Darling, please. Darling. He was British? I mean, I think he's trying to play British. I thought when he first started talking, I thought it was. is a French accentious actor. Although he's not an actor. He's a producer director of a

film of a nutcracker ballet in Palo Alto, California. Yes. And is being treated as if he's a star. But it also seemed like it did seem like he also was famous for other things. Like it's like almost like if Steven Spielberg decided to direct. Well, he has the fame of an actor. He has the fame of like a pin-up, like they have headshots of him. I think the reason we're thinking that is that they used the actual actor's headshots. Yes, they did. And what I saw was a man his, obviously it was like an early 2000s, you know, headshot where he did not have that insane facial hair that I want to discuss. Well, is that an actor's choice?

I think that was an actor's choice for the role. I don't know. Have you ever seen that? I never. It was a triangle. It was shapes. Yeah. It was shapes.

rudimentary shapes, a line, a square. Is it a Van Dyck? A giant. No, Van Dyck, I think, has more of a spike. You might be right. You might be right. I don't know. But it was, it looks almost like a Tony Stark kind of beard.

I think he was trying to go for. So what is that artist, Mondrian? Yeah. The blocks. Yes. Yeah. Post-impression is sort of, that's what it looks like. I mean, here's the thing.

I'm sure the chat is going wild. We guys, we talk about Mondrian too much on the podcast. Well, it's our ghost to it. It's a great. Every time we talk about Mungra and everyone takes a drink. Everybody's too wasted because we're talking about Mungerun's so much. I do want to know, like, it seems like the show is getting very close to happening. It's mere days away.

Can I just say something? Okay. I know they had his headshots and that confused some of us. I believe we have a picture of that. They also, though, put his face on the marquee. Was that his face? Yeah. Oh, yes.

Yes. Like, he was like, hey, it's me. I thought he was going to be the star of, like, as if he was going to be doing the Christmas carol and he was going to be screwed or something. Well, look at this, two, or sorry, image two is we have the image of him. Well, that's, wait, okay, but this is him with long hair. I didn't know that was him. Right.

It is tricky. He looks like from this distance, too, he looks like Milo Ventimile. He looks like Jess from Gilmore Girls. Thank you. They didn't have enough money to do a separate photo shoot of Jessica. What is his? job that he should be like if he is a Steven Spielberg or even if he's a sonheim he would never be on the marquee so no right you don't see like Stephen

Spielberg presents not only would he not be on the marquee it wouldn't be just a random candid photo that he's been photoshopped out of and put on the market what you didn't say earlier when you're describing all of his roles was choreographer well yes but is he a choreographer she is someone who says that a lot okay but the nutcracker is already choreographed. I don't mean to, I don't know that much about dance. You need a dance person there, but he's not correct me if I'm wrong, chat. Isn't the nut, aren't those dances already? Like, don't you learn the nutcracker? I think there's probably interpretations on a theme. I don't think that's what that was. Wait, wait, you're saying that a choreographer is only employed to come up with new dancers. I thought that's what a choreographer. Here's what I'm in agreement with June in the sense that I think this guy is pulling a scam. Well, I don't think. He is acting as if he is producing the Radio City Music Hall Christmas show. But this is the thing. Why?

You could set it anywhere. Why put it in Palo Alto? The least Christmas he plays. Somebody lived there. Somebody had a deal with the mayor. Somebody had a tax something. Yes. Because I.

It makes no sense. Okay. But it wasn't even shot in Palo Alto. It wasn't. No. Riverside. Oh, Riverside. Oh, it felt to me like Canada already.

Yeah. No. Riverside, California. I think you can't have a Christmas movie without fake snow. And that's where Hallmark does it right. They shoot on the same lot. They have the snow going. They've got the bandstand.

Like, I can't do it in that kind of climate. We live in that climate. Yeah, and it ain't Christmas, bitch. I agree. It does it. Wow. By the way, can you say one more. It ain't Christmas, bitch.

You can put up as much garland as you want. I mean, my children live here. And I try to give them. as much of a Christmas experience. You're doing your best. You're doing your best, but it's not good enough. I will say my favorite Christmas movie is mixed nuts. That takes place in Los Angeles and Venice.

In Santa Monica. Yes. In Venice. Yeah. So John Stewart. Like walking with, yeah, rollerblading Christmas tree. But that's like commenting on the on. All I'm saying is I do think there is a way to do it.

And I wish you wouldn't dismiss our state and our climate and say like we can't have Christmas or we can't portray Christmas? We can't. I don't think this movie can and I agree with you there, but give us another chance. The movie wants it both ways because they also keep putting people in winter coats and stuff that's supposed to be hats and it's supposed to feel winter. Those poor carolers, who were not good singers. Oh, laxedical carolers.

They were, but they probably because they're about to pass. They were actually, they were definitely working the craft. Well, they, by the way, they were not working at, they were dubbed. Oh, yeah. They were definitely dubbed. There's so much ADR, so many ADR lines in this movie, but it's clear they only had a male voice and a female voice for all the ADR lines. So even when it's our lead and it's an ADR line, it's not that. Yes, I saw that too, Jason.

It's not them for sure. Just take a look at how off they are on the sinking here. Just look at their lips. Yeah. Where's the bell? Nobody's ringing the bell. Nobody's holding the bell. Happy New Year. Where is the bell?

And those characters recur throughout the movie. Another non-magical reoccurrence. You think the movie would have magic in it in some way, shape, or form. The one possible piece of magic we didn't discuss was the actual nutcracker. Okay, well, I think I have trauma

from the other movies we've watched because every time that when that, When that nutcracker, I thought she's going to fuck that nutcracker. If we've learned anything from Chris's movies that bitches want to fuck nutcrackers. Wow. She's really coming in. Very coarse. Very coarse.

Oh, yeah. No, but I saw it too. They do be fucking nutcrackers. But they can't. Well, you can see it too. We need to cut together a Jess Sinclair. Like, you need to have your own Christmas special. Bitches be fucking nutcracker.

Well, you can see because there is. There's a lot of ADR. They're dropping in like the bell ring in an episode. But, like, when she saw the nutcracker in the window for the first time, there is an audible splash sound effect that is just her getting drenched. Yeah, for real. And then even when the cookie, because didn't we see one where cookies came to life to? Yeah, yeah, well, a nutcracker came to life.

Yes. But I thought when the cookies were there, I'm like, these are going to come to life. Oh, my God. I just kept waiting for the hotbeds to come to life. Honestly, I feel like I enjoyed the movie less because I kept wanting. Something to come to life and fuck someone. It's interesting because when Paul and I were watching. Including all the actors.

Yeah. I actually, and I know you felt differently. You better not change your opinion. You better not change your opinion now for these two and for that all of them out there. I know you and I both enjoyed the main leads. Oh, absolutely. Loves them. We wanted them together.

Love them under the bridge. We liked their chemistry. Wait. The main leads. Main leads are main leads. The two people that are in an emotional affair? Well, yeah. She is engaged.

Yeah, but it's loose. It's loose. She is engaged to be married, leaves a clamming meeting for her engagement party, runs, chases a man into an elevator and begins to make out. Well, is that just, can you do that, ladies? Can you do that? Is that cool? If you saw Martha Stewart's documentary, which I highly recommend, she talks about a similar moment. where she was married.

Yes, she was married, and then she went to Florence, fell in love with the food, the sites, the art. It was their honeymoon. You're right, it was her honeymoon. She goes on a separate trip to see the world. It's a heartbreak kid scenario? She's up there and she leaves the tour or whatever, and there's this beautiful Italian man. And she makes out with him in the Duomo. And she does not consider it.

And she doesn't. She didn't then, and I don't think she does now. And I do think that's the moment we saw with Kayla. Wait a second. I need to get back on this. Case Jewelers. Kayla. And Casey.

Derek Casey. Dustin. Dustin. I believe it's a have the name. I think she got so caught up in the moment. What moment? No, she was using him. She's going away from the woman.

She's running away from the woman. She should be making out with Santa. She should break up with the assholes. First of all, I want to disagree. Berkeley, everyone. She was good. She can't consent. She was good.

Good enough at her job, getting him his headache medication. Oh, my God. Picking up his socks and doing his cleaning. Maybe she would find some love, but she's just shirking off her responsibilities. I did not like it. I did not like that she was, I couldn't figure out why she was running away from the woman who runs the Chochie store. Is that one like also oddly, Mrs. Joyner? Mrs. Tickie Winkles.

She's the shop owner. The store is Mrs. Tiddly Winkles. Her name is Mrs. Joyner. Now. June, you seem to be very proud of your. that you know all the character names? Is this a new thing? This is like, she's so proud.

Are you doing, are you taking the news? Are you doing notes differently? Good, Jimmy. But she's like, Jana. Jana. Let's talk about Jana. Oh, yeah. Wow, okay.

We'll talk about the. Jana, by the way, is the one who did say, they got, aren't they engaged? And she's like, no, and that's not serious. Well, that's the thing is not because you can't take it seriously. She's in an abusive relationship. She should get out. of it before she starts making out

with Judy and Eleanor. In this movie, in this movie, the reality of this movie is that the way people get away from people is to just make out with a stranger. And nobody is surprised by it. Even him, really. She doesn't feel bad. You have a book, The Art of Small Talk.

Yeah. What chapter do you have when you have just grab somebody and kiss them, right? That is like it's a small talk move, right? I wish that was a rule in our modern day society. I do. He has no time to prepare for this kiss. She's not following him. He doesn't know he's being chased.

How much time does he need? To be assaulted in my building? Well, okay. Are you talking about Doris Roberts or Kayla? No, I'm talking about Kayla. Kayla, Kayla comes in hot. Kayla is adorable. I love the actress.

Just because she did too. Just because she's pretty doesn't mean a lot of this case. I know the thing. I'm not disagreeing with it. I don't want you to, I don't want you to count out to all, you know, all of them. You love her. We both love her. up for grabs in elevators

as long as she's beautiful and not Doris Roberts. Yeah, as long as she's cute and beautiful. I would be very upset. Of course I would be upset. But if Paul were in a miserable relationship where he was in some sort of like, she is being kept emotionally hostage. Let's watch a scene.

Look at it. She's, he doesn't know she's there. Yeah. When have you ever seen a glass door on an elevator? Oh, that has a issue. When have you ever seen a glass door? No glass doors. Oh, oh, oh, you want to get in? I know. You should start getting prepared, and now it's happening. This woman.

Now, she just saw an affair. Now, everybody in this small town knows she's from here, Kayla. Everybody knows she's engaged to the superstar. Look at them. They're about to go in for more. I know. I loved it. I thought it was a big diamond ring.

How does he not notice the ring? The ring ain't nothing away from Mrs. Joyner. Oh, yeah. He knows it as a thing. Oh, you're trying to get away, too. See, that's my point. He thinks it's no bigs. Like, I get it.

He thinks he's meeting the love of his life. Guys, they are under a mistletoe. I feel like we're freaking out of it. Where is it? It's above the. It's on the, it's in the, it's, it is up there. But you don't. Okay, this is.

Why not? There is. Wait a minute. Wow. Why not? Our heart's beat. We have one go round. This is not a dress for her.

She should immediately say, I'm sorry. I'm engaged and call her guy and say, you're dumped. And now they can be a lot. love. Kayla, hands. Oh, they have not met. Oh, so cool. Oh, why not see that wing, guy?

I do think that if you're making a movie about mistletoe in an elevator, it should be more prominently displayed. Like, well, it's okay because of this. Tell us that the mistletoe affects everybody through magic and they cannot not kiss. Okay, can we just back up for a second? They're just following Christmas rules. Christmas rules state that if you have mistletoe over you, you have cast-a- It trots an engagement.

It does. I wouldn't want to be under mistletoe if I am. She's running to escape. She's not making a mistletoe choice. No, she has no idea. Yes. She has no idea. He knows he's under mistletoe.

And then it's a great kiss. Why not go back for a little more? Because now we are under. Well, he should have said, well, you know, we are. If I'm him and I find out this woman, this incredible woman that I had this incredible kiss with is engaged and was using me for like extracurricular elevator kisses just so she can get off. I'm like hard pass. Really? Hard pass. I don't want to be I don't want to be

molested by an engaged woman. Would you have stamped this woman? If this was what I have stabbed her? If somebody came in. So that is the only you're saying the only way to say no. The only way to effectively say no is to stab her. Well you do carry weapons. You don't even let me touch you at all ever. Thank God. And I've never stabbed you. And I've never stabbed you. And I've I've never stabbed you. My point is, what would you do, honestly, if you're standing in, someone rushed in and just started kissing you.

Oh, first of all, they would never get. They would, I would, if anybody started to come super, even if someone came close to me, I would say, by the way, this is even very close for you. This is too close for me. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I would rather not be in this room with all of you. But no, if someone were to come rushing in and start trying to kiss me. Yeah.

I would be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what, what's going on here? Right, right. You would have some sort of reaction to it. For sure, and it would be initially quite negative. What if they were super hot, though? That's what I'm saying. Talia Shire. That's what I'm saying. Talia Shire, currently Talia Shire? Okay.

I mean... I just think, let's go back to the first one. If it's like a Doris Roberts. Oh, oh. Yeah, if you... I want to give you... I've got questions about being inside the Coppola family, about the Rocky movies,

the Godfather movies. I would probably take the Talia Shire kiss. That's what I think an old person Just to get to the information I'm looking for, if I'm being honest, you know. All I'm saying is life is for the living. Okay. No, interesting. Okay.

It's like we can't, you know, these things happen. We're, I know there's all of these like rules you subscribe to and that's great. But you can't deny life and chemistry. And sometimes shit happens and you have to. Doesn't make someone a bad person. So by your logic, we should just be randomly kissing people in the street because there is no like connection with them. If they're your soulmate, which is exactly what happened here, yeah. But what you're saying is cheating is okay. If the person is, if the aggrieved party

is a bad person. The Carlton in this case. Well, you, if we liked Carlton, if he was a good match for her, but maybe not forever, then the kiss in the elevator becomes bad. But because Carlton is bad, so in this case, she can never be bad unless he is. But by the way, You don't know this about June, but June is the person who told Schwarzenegger that famous story. Eating's not cheating. Okay. Yeah. So that's where she's coming at it from.

Totally. That does not sound like a St. Clairleine. Yeah. It's disgusting. Can we talk about, wait, I want to go back, whether you think she's a bad person or not, like, listen, things, again, I'll just say. Things happen. We have one go around. Okay.

So I do want to talk about Mrs. Joyner, though, because enter business. Yes. I do have thoughts on what that is. Because here's what we know about her. The first interaction with Kay, where she comes on way too strong, walks to run from her. But then we learn that when he comes by, when Dustin comes by, to get that nutcracker, she won't stay open for him. She won't stay open another couple minutes, which makes me wonder how. How much business is Mrs. Tiddly Winks getting?

Her store appears to be one of those like indoor flea market stores where it's like a series of little cubby holes where different people are selling stuff. There's like one of those like Sigmund Freud action figures I saw on his show. And then when she, before she realizes that Kay has left, she's staring down at the nutcracker and says something along lines of like, yeah, I should get more of those. or clocks with little figurines around them And then It is absolutely

A woman undone There's that serial There's that spying BTK That's the moment Where she starts chasing Kayla And why Why?

Why? And Kayla She'll kill her Kayla only randomly is following Dustin She doesn't know he's there He does

She doesn't know he has the nutcranker She's just trying to stay away from Mrs. Joy And then And then Dustin does say

Oh running away from Mrs. Joyner as if this is what we know in the town to be true. Well, she's probably trying to kiss everybody as well. Yeah, probably. Do we think she was chasing Kayla to French kiss her?

Well, now that's a whole other story. I mean, but if she was so hot for business, if she was so into making the sale, then wouldn't she have stayed open for Dustin? That's why I didn't understand. Again, do you have been any stars hollow vibes, though. Like the kooky, I feel like they wanted

the kooky weirders of small town holiday nonsense. And this movie does do a lot of those scenes that you don't need where, like, Dustin's outside of her store. And she's like, oh, you're here early. Why don't you come inside? They don't just start the scene like a scene later. They do a lot of walkups.

A lot of walkups, a lot of walking down long hallways. They just don't have. They don't have to stuff. There's also like, is Dustin's house, his office or his home? Well, he's definitely not a kitchen. There's no locking doors. There's no kitchen. It is, people knock and he's like, come in.

it's a business but it's not can i also show you the most upsetting thing about it please image five here this is what his house is and i'll just point out that you know an elevator plays a very large part of this uh movie and this shows us that he is on the ground floor he is on the ground but also let's take a look at this i mean the weird bunny-eared thing that's in the center of the screen here that's weird it looks like he's in a cranking barrel. I think they rented this loft that was staged. And they just said, sight on scene, we'll take it. We'll take it. It's everything in the room. Leave it. Leave it. Leave everything. Because he is cooking. I mean, he is cooking in this kitchen. He does never goes to an industrial

kitchen. And what's weird is he, he wears his chef's whites when he's here cooking at home. And then he, and then he wears them out in the world. I've never seen a chef walking about. Well, I don't think you're supposed to because they have to be clean and they're getting dirty from the outside world. But he also is having only a five-minute meet-up with his friend. Like, there's so many meetups in this movie where they just go, hey, hey, great to see you. All right, I'm going to leave now. Yes, yes, so quick. No time passes.

And we don't learn anything. No. Well, it's so hard because what I couldn't get, I couldn't get my mind around is how Jana, if Jana's best friends with. Kayla. And they work together at a magazine called a magazine called Trend. Yeah, a website maybe. But then also it seems like Jana, who's a solid 10, and I thought she was beautiful, but 10 years older than Kayla.

But it seems that they maybe went to high school together because she references her being a valedictorian. Okay. Which is a town in which, of course, if a valedictorian came up and started kissing you, would that change your? Well, Jason's not going to change his opinion on this. And engaged, here's, here's the thing. I would love it.

A valedictory. I would love it. That's first in class, not salitory. I would love a beautiful valedictorian to start kissing me in an elevator. The minute she says, by, by the way, B.T. Dubbs, B.T.K. I am engaged. And that was fun. You're upset.

Okay. Just was asking. I was just doing that to distract from Mrs. Joyner. Peace. I'm engaged. I would be like, fuck you. I'm out here giving A plus kisses away to engage lady. Okay, here's, but back to me, question.

Jana, when I think went to high school with Kay, although I don't know how the numbers work there. And then... Jana was a very bad student. And then... And then, um, Dustin also grew up in this town with his cousin. But they don't know each other. How do they not know each other? That's interesting.

None of them know each other. And the, and Kayla could not be more famous. No, Janet knows Dustin. Yes. Yes, because he's the caterer and they know each other. other from town and all that. And Mrs. Joyner knows all of them. So it's such a she and has a pursuit of everybody.

But it felt like the show, the movie wanted us to be like, oh, my God, she's Kayla. And nobody seems to really know her except Jan and Mrs. Joy. By the way, they should have made Kay. They should have made Kayla the star. Yeah. And he should have been like the director and she's the star. So, because like, to be the, to be the fiancé of a famous person is an odd choice. Nobody cares.

Yeah. Did the movie answer where Kayla's family is? No. This is her hometown. Well, they all were at the feet. Seems like they're dead. No, they were all at the party, though. Their engagement party.

That was packed, and it wouldn't have been his family at the engagement party. No, because, well, he did invite a lot of press, he said. You know all that Palo Alto press. Oh, yeah. To cover entertainment. The PAPs. The PAPs. That's the, you know, that's the...

Did anybody feel this was this was... And I now know it was a K Jewelers ad. But if you told me. Oh my gosh. I'm just realizing something that Kay's jeweler must have also paid for the bracelet. Yes. The bracelet that's the colors of Christmas. The bracelet.

Ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life. What was it? Missing the color green, by the way. I couldn't. It wasn't the colors of Christmas. It wasn't. It was, what was it? It was red and pink.

Also, he said, also he said, it's not what you think. I wouldn't be so presumptuous. Aren't they already engaged? Yeah. Well, I guess because they broke it off, but then he's coming back. That's the mea culpa. Are those matching, is that a matching earring? That's the grossest thing I've ever seen.

That's a bracelet. That bracelet makes me want to barf. This looks like a steal from a, like a jewelry commercial. Right. When it's like, he went to the mall and we got it. But it also is a terrible presentation of it. It's a terrible box. I would think every kiss begins with pay.

By the way, I have a story. I auditioned for a Kay's jewelry commercial. I feel like you and I at this point were staying in a friend's trundel bed. Anyway. Wow, wait, hold on. What was that part of the? Jason and I, for a couple months, slept. I had a, I, did you sleep in the Trondon or did I?

I slept on the floor. Okay, it was Trundle situation. Anyway, I went to a commercial audition for Kay's jewelry. Wow. And they made us kiss or the guy. did kiss me, and it was so shocking. Now you were in that situation. Every kiss begins with, and he was like, oh, my God.

Now, it wouldn't have, it wouldn't happen these days. No, I shouldn't happen then. We did have a union at that point. They were cool with it. Right. The Cassie director was like, wonderful chemistry. Oh, so you're saying this guy just rolled with it and was like, I'm going in. I think so.

But it was encouraged. And I didn't like it. Oh, you didn't like it. You didn't like it. that someone just shockingly started kissing you in a scenario that you didn't think was going to be kissing. Was the audition in an elevator?

Don't point. Has anyone ever done that? I'm just, I just want to know was the audition in an elevator. You got mad at me last time. I don't, I actually don't like being pointed out. And I don't. I don't like it from across the room and I don't like it there.

We should not be this close to each other. It's too close. I just keep, I just gave, da-da-da-da-da-da. Here's my question. That presentation was so horrible. And I would imagine if K is putting in, you think K put in $100,000? But it didn't happen to the last minute. So roughly, the budgets of these movies run around this.

A million dollars? One to $2 million. That's the average budget. So you're K and you know you put in $100,000, maybe $200,000. Why don't you have a representative? On set, who's there for the commercial shop. Not a K's bracelet, I don't think. But it should have been.

Right. That's not a branded box as opposed to that. Right. They wouldn't probably K's Julia wouldn't want to give. That's the one at the end. That's where it's that's every kiss begins with K. Yes. If you're going to see the K, it's always every kiss begins with, ah, you know, like that's, right, right, yeah.

That's a trigger for me. What does it say on the, on the bottom? What is it say in front of the ring? The, the Leo Diamond, it says, right? Okay. I mean, the chat will tell us. Molly, what's going on with the chat? Anything?

Check in with Molly. Molly Cam. What we got on the Molly Cam? Hey, everybody. I'm sorry to back up a little bit, but a lot of people are pointing out that the beautiful bracelet that's the color of Christmas

is actually the color of the lesbian flag. All right. Great to know. Is Carlton a lesbian? Honestly, if Carlton's a lesbian, that makes all the sense in the world. I would love that. Is his name Carlton?

Yes. Great. I'd love to see Carlton at the end of the movie get into a Subaru with another woman. You know what? Everything would kind of come. Well, Carlton is having he seems to be having an affair now. Once she starts her affair,

he starts to have an affair with the sugar pump fair. Now, I didn't like that woman. Because I felt like she was moving in. She was moving in. Our girls already cheated on him. Yeah, but she seemed a little like whatever. They were broken up. Dark hair girls, don't trust them. Wait. What? Hot take.

Oh my God. These takes are They're incredible. So you're cool. Dark hair, girls. It's true. Unwarranted kisses. Yeah. They're trustworthy.

No. That's why I had to dye my hair bond. Little mermaid. Dark hair. She's the one. I don't know if there's any footage of that woman during the dance numbers. But some of them were at least actual dancers. I'm not saying they were good, but they were dancers.

And then there was our brunette. Right. Yeah. dark-haired villain who was truly like the most hilarious part she wasn't she was looking around sort of doing a lot of this doing a lot of just like little jumps little like this little jumps looking looking then her role in this is to complain about all the dancers yeah right yeah she had an eagle eye on her she is not a dancer because she had an acting role well i mean when you see the sets and the props all in there then it really then she really pops yeah yes the pear down version she should be you the star. The biggest yesterday is a little old though, right? I mean, and I'm careful. Now you can't for dark-haired girls.

And I agree with Paul. She was grossly old. First of all. And I felt uncomfortable about it because like between her and Doris Roberts, I was like every woman in this is elderly. Wow. Okay. I've never seen a nutcracker and I just assumed that the sugar pump fairy is a little girl.

No, ew. No. Who is that girl? That's, I don't remember. her name, but Clara, yeah. Why isn't she at rehearsal? She's like the queen of, you know, the other worlds. Angelica Houston, like that kind of a thing.

What? She's not. That's a dangerous brunette right there. Nutcracker, Paul. I guess you were busy with those birds. This is making me like Carlton a lot more because he was just trying to cast the roles the way he saw them. He's not interested in it. This is a very pared down version of the nutcracker.

This is like when I saw like Patty. Patty LePone, do Sweeney Todd, and there's only two people. I just want to make sure, just not to swing you back out of Carlton's favor, but he does say at a certain point, I'm the draw. Yeah. It's not about the dance. It's not about the dancers. It's about him.

This is an ego's battle for him. But also, Carlton's abusive to the dancers. He throws his script off the, you know, and in this day and age, you know. It's not this day and age, is it? It's 2017 in the movie. 2015. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Different time, a different time. that when the movie started and we were about 15 minutes in, I thought for sure that Dustin was a pastry chef. Same. They have to referring to him as the baker. The baker. He only bakes.

We only see him baking. And then he's baking more stuff for, and I thought for a long time he was making food for dogs. Yeah. But it was to raise money for the dogs. Me too. I thought they were making dog cookies. I really want to go over the number of events

that we are working toward in this movie that are on the docket. And none of which are important whatsoever. So there is the engagement party. Which at a certain point, there's no engagement. So that sort of turns into just like a party. A party with less of press. Which is doubling as Carleton's like a premier party.

He's invited press. So the show is open? I think it's about to. Okay, got it. I think this is in service of that. So there's that. And also I do want to address the fact that at one point he says, we have to keep our engagement because it will help the opening of the show.

Right. Couldn't draw that line. What's even crazier at a certain point is that she says we're holding off on our wedding until after the, after Christmas, because it's the, he's so busy with the show. But that means they haven't, they're going to only start planning their wedding right after this show. So they're like a year away from getting married. Time to make out with a lot of other guys and see if we even want to do that. See if you can beat this.

So then there's. also a fundraiser for the animal shelter. But at one point, Paul, you said it's not for the shelter, it's for the people who work there. No, I mean, it's, you thought it was for the dogs. And I was saying it's for the, it's for the organization. It's for the organization. Ultimately, it's for the dogs. So I hope that money's not going to just overhead costs.

That fundraiser is for the dog shelter. However, they want to break up. But to be fair, to June, I agree. I would love to get a look at books. I'd love to get a look at the books for this for this shelter because I don't trust these guys. He didn't seem to make that many cookies that would actually bring in a lot of dogs and only Josh was working there. They're always barking. There's another event. There's some sort of community event that they are going to that she she has made flyers for the dog event to give out at some community event. Then correct me if I'm wrong, chat. I believe there's There's also something that she calls a tree event, which is sort of the Christmas market she goes to.

I think that might be where the, where, but it might also be part of the fundraiser for the dogs. There's also in a montage, a carnival. Yes, that's right. They also go to a full carnival. I think that's the pier. And that's after she just said she had the most, the best time of her life researching the maker of the nutcracker. Yes. Does it, we have that image, Molly?

I forgot that whole story. The nutcracker is brand-man. Well, like, what nutcracker comes with, like, like, I don't, well, I didn't know that nutcrackers were so specific, like, to the maker. It's like, it's like they're getting old juppetto. It's as if this man invented the concept of a nutcracker. That I want to read a book about. Wouldn't that be great?

But, no, this is just a store-bought nutcracker that they're pawning off as some, like, great artisan. Oh, they also did a thing in that. this scene where they're texting, where each of them says aloud the text that is then shown word for word on screen. But sometimes it's different because he said, seriously, that's great. And then when she got it, just said, seriously, no dot, dot, dot, that's great. Oh, funny.

But now this is what she says. She says, researching Vance has been two of the most fulfilling hours I've had in a long time. Her life is dog shit. She was a valedictorian of her class and she is now, she's terrible. Wikipediaing has been the most fulfilling time. And also, he's so down on her. He's like, you write that article yet tonight? Like, he's so everybody.

Everybody wants for her to get laid. They want to get her laid. That's everybody in the town. With the exception of Mrs. Joyner who wants to make that sale. Everybody is like, let's get her coupled up. I don't know what Janice deal is. She's a bad business manager. She's out making.

Postcards. She's engaged. I understand. No one liked her. The cousin, her body be banging. No one cares about her. Joshua does. They throw her to deep side part, like, and we never see them.

You know what I mean? I believed in them. I thought that was very sinister. He's like, when I come to pizza, I'm like, that's the last we're going to see of that cousin. Wait, you think Joshua's a B.T.K-style murderer? You think we never see Kim again because she's bound, tortured, and killed? I personally really liked the fact that Dustin was. on her ass about doing her work.

Here's the deal. I like that. I've got so much on her plate right now. It's December. She's nothing. She's nothing on her plate. She's separated from him. She's paraphrasing a note card into an article for Tempo magazine or whatever.

Here's a hot take. Here's a hot take. You guys are not going to see coming. Oh, boy. Single on St. Clair. She has agreed to be Carlton's business manager. So honestly, all of the duties that she's pissed about doing.

Yes. That's her job. This is what I've been saying, Jess. If you didn't want it, you're saying, do you think she's getting paid for that? If I don't see a direct deposit, if I don't see cash in my hands or in the bank, that's not a job. So you think she's working for free? I do. I do not think he's paying her.

But then don't agree to it. If you agree, yes, I will do this for you. And then you disappear for three days. If I'm not being paid? To get to go to carnivals? I have to be an indentured service to this man. He's relying on her to get the show up on its feet. And she's out there fucking.

And look at this. Even though they've broken up, he's got requests. Please pick up my favorite socks. Where are you? How come you're not answering your phone? I have a headache. I need some medicine. Guys, can I ask you a very, very, very honest question?

Do you have a favorite pair of socks? Yes. Really? You do? I wore these today. Yeah, those are good socks. I do. I have a couple now of the same pair. I treat my socks like shit.

I don't think of my socks in any way. Never. I don't think of them as. No. Can I say something? And this is very vulnerable right now. Okay. Okay. I actually have, hmm. I've been on a mission just this year to upgrade my socks situation. Love this. Because I know it's something I've never paid attention to in my whole life. I always got them. I always, like, they were haphazard. And then what I would do, and this is actually very vulnerable,

is because I didn't care about them, I never got new ones. I totally understand that. And so this year is the first year where I'm like, I deserve, I want. You had to go to a single for that? I did because it's been a very empowering thing for me to say and to feel that I deserve good socks. I love this. Wonderful. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What is this? Bombas? Is this a K-jewelers generation? Why are you guys both saying bombas? Damn it!

And you know what? Every time you buy a pair of socks, they give some money to charity. It's not. Okay. No, Bombas does. Bombas does. Bombas does. I do have a pair of athletic socks that I like that I like.

I have, here's the thing. I similarly, a bunch of years ago, just bought all new socks that were good, like good socks. But I don't have a, like, that's my favorite pair. I just am like, socks, foot, go. You know, but I don't have shitty. I agree. I have good socks. I would expect you to have bought all of the same sock.

I did. Put them all in a drawer. You don't have to pair them. Correct. Those motherfuckers are just... Boom, boom. So you have a favorite. Sox, socks.

But he has favorite socks. But out of those socks, he's not saying, but this is my favorite. No. Yeah. I think we don't have a favorite of these. Correct. Well, I think what you guys aren't maybe into is, and I will say Paul got me into this. I would see that he had he liked a playful sock.

Well, that's Paul. I used to, but then I was. But then I sort of got him away from that and said, like, well, you're not going to show our personalities through our socks. Yeah, she yelled at me about that. She yelled at me about that. And then I stopped the playful sock. Oh, wow. This is a very special one.

This is a holiday. I'll allow it. I'll allow it. But what's interesting is, I don't know if you've noticed this, but I've, now you're taking on a playful sock. I've started to get, like, that happy sock. brand. I'm like, I like, I like those. You just, what is going on? What is going on?

Is this live stream underwritten by socks? You know, here's a cautionary tale. Matt Lauer, when I met, when I met him, remember we used to go on? Yes, I do. No, remember we used to go on? Of course I do. He never wear socks. Ew.

Lofer without socks. That's disgusting. And that serial killer shit. You know what? My barber, Rudy told me he, I was wearing my, I was wearing my socks. up and he's like, that's good. He's like, that is like that, you wear you, you pull your socks up as high as you. If you don't, you got to be eyes out for those men who are going socksless into a loafer.

But that was such a, it was such a look for a while. Yeah. Right around this time, actually, like the late teens, the like slightly high, uh, I think that's a great look and a bare ankle. You like that look. I do like, don't point at me. I do like that. I do like that look.

But that's with a no show sock. I think what we're realizing, though, is We're all touching tonight. Why do you burn when you touch me? I think what we're realizing is Sox are you're happy. And there's a lot of happy in this movie. Can we play the montage of happy?

No, no, no. Yeah, this is something that I thought they were trying to make a thing, but it wasn't. This is the montage. That was really, that turned my stomach. I kept waiting for there to be a threesome with the cousins and her.

Because she was like, look at this. Look at these cookies. They look so happy. They were made with happy. Well, the real happy is coming up. So what's the happy? This could be the beginning of a softcore porn. Could it not?

We're throwing dough at each other. Oh, I got to take this thing out. This is the happy I was talking about. This is seriously happy. Here's my movie pitch. My movie pitches, wouldn't it have been so much better if Kayla and Kim. Kim? What's the cousin's name?

If they ended up together Because she and he have so little chemistry Oh wow, that is a deep side part I was like, oh, like Kim is more interesting to me Than Dustin's great I know you felt this way too Paul So I don't want you to just like go with the cool kids I know because I know you felt this way too

I thought they had great chemistry I love them together Well now if I was to disagree with you I would have been lying the first two times that you made me agree that I did feel it's right. You made me great. Are you in an emotionally abusive relationship like Carlton?

I love they had a great relationship and they were really good. Why are you really good? Why are you bling in California? I love being out here. SOS in horse code. And it's okay if anyone kisses anyone in an elevator. Come on. Fine.

Don't point. Tears sprouting out of that. But if June wants to chase someone down the street and kiss them in a magical elevator be it. As long as there's mistletoe, I'm okay with it. Guys, did anybody say at any point in this movie that the elevator was magic? No. Yes. Doris Roberts. Doris Roberts says, you know, they say, not that it's magic,

but they tell stories about this elevator. This elevator has a story to it. I think it was meant to be a magic elevator. I think it's soft magic. I actually have hard magic. That's what I tell the ladies. You're about to, you're about to see the soft magic. Merry Christmas. Close your eyes. The hard magic ladies. Merry Christmas. Happy blow year. May you have some hard magic in your future. Now, Well, I will say that. Isn't that what they call that stuff you put on ice cream? I will say that. I want to talk, I want to talk for a second about the elevator in general. And I think that maybe the best person here from is one of the stars of the film.

Oh, no. Grant Dardy. We were able to get him on the show. So this is Brandt. Hey, jerks. What's up? Brand Dardy here. You probably recognize me better as the star of Merry Christmas.

I wanted me to share some anecdotes, asked me what kissing Doris Roberts was like, is it weird that there's mistletoe in an elevator, all amazing questions, none of which address the point that this movie was written by an insane person. I looked up her resume, and it turns out she's written exclusively holiday films where the leads kiss in an elevator. I'm like, what the fuck happened to you in an elevator? Anyway, the movie was directed by a man. who couldn't give half a shit what happened. I asked Tim, what are we doing here? And he looked up from his phone and went, I don't know. Oh, look back down now.

Oh, wow. Doris Roberts. She leans into me and she goes, brand, I'm going to try something. And I was like, say less. You may have my body. And so unscripted, she pulls me and kisses me, slips me the fucking tongue and then slaps me and walks away

anyway the movie makes no sense on a cellular level from moment to moment the fact that you've watched it and can highlight that I am supposed to be in an elevator but I live on the first floor like I can't tell you how much I fucking love and respect you guys because this is exactly

the kind of critical minds we need watching this film we need people who can understand the madness and I feel like you see it I love him I love you guys that was like the longest cameo of my life because you've hit on a very niche subject for me. So, jerks, possibly including Paul. I love you guys.

I hope you have an amazing, amazing Christmas. Please look up the writer of this movie and let me know, has she branched out at all from people making out in elevators? Because I hope not. Well, Brett, thank you, Brin. And so now I'm going to say. He's only gotten better looking.

Well, now, what did I say? He's only gotten better looking. He's a star. We broke Oscar Isaacs on this podcast. And I feel a favorite. I'm going to devote the rest of my career of making that guy a star. And casting him, opposite June and I.

So now do you understand why she kissed him? In a movie called Life's to Be Lived, in which we just make out with him for like four or five hours. Let me just say that Brant was also in 50 Shades Free as Sawyer. He is the bodyguard that Christian hires for Dakota Johnson. I do want to bring up one thing that Brant said, which was that Doris Roberts improvised the kiss. No, I think she improvised. one take the tongue and the slap. Oh, okay, God.

Like the K-Julers guy. Similarly. Yeah. Okay, God. Because I was going to say that's a major. No, no, I agree. I thought that at first two, but when he said the slap. Doris Roberts, for sure, needed to just update her SAG insurance.

I have been in some interesting movies with older, more well-established actors who clearly don't need the money, who just say, you know what? Let me just do my hours. Right. Come in, come out, and then we're done. Okay, got it. All right. She's clocking hours.

100% Wow What if I told you though She was getting paid In gift certificates To gay jewelers Oh my God My God

This was These two things both rocked me I know I'm really like I had a note that just says I like him It makes me want to I like him Elevator writer movies

Well by the way I will say this That Brant also Wrote the first parody Christmas movie For the Hallmark Channel Oh cool Yeah, in 2019, called the Christmas Christmas movie.

Because I also, I feel like we haven't spent enough time on Kayla. I really liked Kayla. Yeah, yeah, we have nowhere to go. The only complaints I had about her is she didn't turn off her phone notifications. Oh, well, this is an issue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do have this issue. I think that if you don't know to turn your notifications off when you're with a group of people,

you are meant. I don't care. These are emails that she should be handling. I don't care. You can still get those notifications and have your phone on silent. But this is 2015 when people didn't know how to do it. They didn't have that option there. I found that to be insane.

To go on a romantic date with a potent a prospect, a post-engagement prospect. You know, dates prospects? A post-engagement prospect. Yeah, she's a prospector looking for goals. So leave your notifications on. Well, also, he's so sweet. He's always like, you should take that. And that's why that's your ex-fiance.

And I love that we're just calling him Brandt now. Yeah. I love Brand. I love Brant. When she describes to him that her relationship is over and she says, I'll describe it in Twitter size 140 characters or less. And I was like, what? What, what is this?

Seriously, why does she go back to Carlton? For no, people. Why? People make decisions in this movie for no reason other than plot. This is why he says, and this is why I think probably her parents are dead at a very young age or something and she's looking for love. But he says, he says that. that you're more important to me than work. And that's what she's been waiting to hear

is that she's important. Right, because she's like kind of threatening him. Like, I'll break up with you. And then he was, then he said, but I love you. And then she was like, now you're confusing me. Yeah. But the final thing that makes her come back is she said, he says, you're more.

He said, you should get back to the ballet. And he says, you're more important to me than work. That's how bad herself worth is. Well, because if I were her, I would look at Brand and say, okay, he also really cares about his work. He wants to open up a restaurant. I don't think he's going to be open up a restaurant any time soon. Really jumping in from like baking cake.

We saw him make zero food beyond cookies that looked not good. He bought a nutcracker. He did look like what I would make. Most of his cooking was buying a nutcracker. Okay. And when they're doing, when they're. He's ideating right now. When they go to the day and they're going to do the, he's wearing the suit and this is

where he realizes that they are en-fianceed, he, he is, he is. standing in front of a table that you would think would have examples of all the food he's going to serve, but it's a roll of bubble wrap, a big brown, just box full of stuff. Like, it looks like just random supplies from the shoot.

Like, haven't you seen Top Chef? They spend a lot of time just like writing notes. Yeah. Wait. That's what... I thought it would be a tasting menu, though. Like, they have to kind of get out in the world before they want create something. They have to but here's the thing. If I'm her, and I am nervous that this guy, my fiancé won't commit.

He's not going to nail down a date. He's obsessed with his work. And then I see Brandt and we have that amazing kiss. And he's also, he's a guy who wants something out of life. He's a go-getter. He's an entrepreneur, great. Loves dogs. Then I see that he's willing to adopt a dog.

Oh, yeah. Marry that man. But she still goes back to Carlton. That's what I cut. The self isn't good. Why, though? We don't ever understand why she's making such terrible decisions because I want to, Jana seems to want to shake her and say, like, cut it out.

But here's my question for Jana. Jana. Jana needs to get a fucking life. When Jana? Well, yeah, because what, Kayla is like, how come you're not dating him? Exactly. Why isn't she? I think Jana, I think Jana is honestly as a single white female thing to Kayla because why is she so obsessed with Kayla's life.

Focus on yourself, Jana. Get out there. I just want to bring up one thing because as I'm hearing all this. conversation. We're watching Kayla do the same mistake twice. She's with a man who's obsessed with his work. And then this guy also obsessed

with his work. He wants to open up a restaurant. That's no easy task. Well, that's why he says to her when she makes those, I'm going to be honest, terrible postcards for him. Yeah, they are bad. He says, hey, don't do this. But making postcards isn't her dream. Well, designing a website is apparently her job. He either is

getting the other guy's favorite socks. Yeah, what's her job? So she's just doing the exact same. So he's like, hey, don't do this for me. Do something for you. You know, do something for you. And that's when she is like, and her, the second wish of the movie is, I wish I knew how to set boundaries. And I'm like, okay. Is that what this whole movie has been about?

What the fuck is this movie now? I know. But I just understood the movie. All right. What? This is a movie about a woman with writer's block. Oh, okay. She is doing everything she can.

She's being a businessman, an unpaid business manager slash insurance. We don't know about the unpaid thing. Let's not make comments. He's not paying her. No. There's no way. She's doing every, even when she's in the right relationship because he's forcing her to write, she gets out of it. She just doesn't want to see that little cursor blinking back at her.

And I get that. I do understand that. I do understand. You want to see that blank page. the end of this movie, she should have written the thing, I think. I think she's about to. She is about to. It's a year later, too late

Kayla. It's a year later, he has moved to L.A. He has not opened a restaurant. They're on a Ferris wheel. They're in L.A.? Yeah, they're on the Santa Monica Pier I don't know if that was meant to be Or is it a Palo Alto pier? That's what I don't know. I couldn't, I had to, I looked it up. There is coastline in Palo Alto

because I was like, because in the middle of that montage, what's weird is, they're on. They're on under a bridge. Oh, yes. They are multiple times at the carnival doing stuff that is peer-based, but they start, they start their date montage and they're where, he's wearing the Buffalo sweater, the bison sweater, the big shaggy white sweater. A lot of that it looks great in that sweater.

Great sweater. He ends the montage in that sweater. That's correct. In the midst of the montage, they each are wearing 10 other outfits. Yes, that's what I mean like they covered a lot of ground. The montage suggests that days have passed. Yes. But they end exactly.

where they started. Same in the same outfit, same day. Because I think in a weird way, they probably shot, you know, so they were like, we don't have time for this change. Nobody, if, if Brandt is telling us that the director went, I don't know, and back to his phone, nobody's tracking outfits. I feel like Brandt probably and the lovely actors who played Kayla, they were, had to direct themselves. By the way, here you go, one year later, same outfit. Here's what I want to say, and this is important for me. there is entirely too much face grabbing during all kissing in this movie. Every kiss is full of, it must be direction because Carlton does it.

I don't think anyone was directing them. Everybody is doing so much face, like big face grabbing, touching, chin grabbing. If someone ever touches my chin like this, I'm going to break their fucking dick off. If I ever went to grab a girl by the chin like this, like you little cute, I would expect to be stabbed. And I would understand it. Yeah, you would go this and get out of it.

And I would slowly put it. Yeah, like a slow, while making full eye contact. Yes, exactly. Just a tiny soetto blade that you've got. It's real. There's so much big grabbing of faces that I was like, don't get grabby with the head. But I feel like you need,

I think that that's a movie thing. Like you need to like, be pulling someone because it is weird to be like it's if you don't grab when you're doing an on-screen kiss I think it feels like it's just too much space to cover yeah I love to know how many real life face grabs are going on you know I think very few so so few you think so I don't I can't think you need to because you know what's happening you don't need a guideline to be like okay let me yeah it's like a you know an airplane. Yes.

Yes. It's like I want to I got to put my hand on your head so that I know where to put my so that my lips have a direction to move. It's wherever my hand is.

And I, but I feel like when someone's got you by here, it's so quick that you could go snap. Oh, I don't like two hands. They're like the B2K car. There's two hands.

They're doing two hand kisses. They're making sure she doesn't get away. Ooh. Torres Roberts is head grabbing. He's head grabbing. Carlton's head-grabbing, it's head-grab city in this movie. Well, I mean, you have to because you're not sure. Like, a lot of these kisses are stolen valor kisses.

They are not. There's no consent. This is not a movie about consent. You're trying to keep people together. So few people in this movie are receiving kisses that they wanted. There's a lot of kissing in this movie, but many of the kisses are unprompted and surprising to one of the two parties. I think that's part of her kink, honestly. Kela's?

No. Doris Roberts. The writer. Oh, the rider, yes, I agree. Think about Dustin. Our boy, Dustin, in one day is, oh, no, two days, back-to-back days. First, he gets on an elevator, and Doris Roberts molests him. Second day, Kayla molests him.

That I would take, and he says, why didn't I take the stairs? Yeah, well, he's on the first floor. I will say, and why did I take the elevator? Yeah. I will say that maybe. Why didn't I just jump on my window? Some of the face touching, I think, is maybe tied to the thematic song. I'll read you some lyrics here.

It says, chasing clouds as they go by, trying to find the reason why you elevate my love. I can't wait to get across the Frisco Bay, by your touch, captivated, you're too much. These are the opening songs.

Which I believe someone's family member must have played that. It was the person who scored the film. Okay, okay. But yeah, it was elevate my love by Brandon Jarrett, the composer of the film. Elevate my love. When they do their montage of falling in love, right?

Do you think they fuck? I should hope so. No, they're never fucking. They don't think they fucked? No, she's not. She's a good girl. Well, first of all, where is she sleeping on the street? Well, she's sleeping on that slope on that hotel room.

Yes, that was weird. That was weird. It also felt like, because it's the, that cut is weird because she starts typing. Yes, it was very strange. And then it's her waking up and he's typing on the same computer. I thought he was stealing her idea. I thought. I was like, wait a minute, has she never, has she never been typing?

Like, is, is this his story? Is he, is this his story? It's like a John Candy delirious movie. I thought for sure he was stealing the idea and he was going to run off with this. Really? Wild idea about Nutcracker and it was going to be his next big hit. Oh, cool. Although that's a great idea for a sequel.

By the way, I will say this. I think the reason why she had to stay in the hotel room is because it was full of cosplayers because there was a convention. in town. If you look at scene one, scene one when they first check into the hotel, this is just an image one. That's true throughout the movie

is they own nothing. They have not gotten clearance for any. They are shooting in the real world. In a movie with no extras, cosplayers are out. It feels like oftentimes they are just existing in the world. Like the, they have not,

like I believe the Chotchkees store is, I don't think they set, decorated that at all. I think they found a store full of nonsense and put it nutcracker. I wrote it in. I also think possibly the guy who plays the guy who plays the doorman has so much. Holy cow. The bellhop. And he has also no magic.

Combine all these, no magic. But I would say he's that someone's dad. He's dressed like a 1930s bellhop for no reason whatsoever. And he's working the side door. He's not working a front door. And he's the only guy. Nighttime day at night. There's also these lingering closeups of him.

Like after they say that we're not getting married till James. January, they cut to him and he's like, huh. Hair, hair pouring out of his, his, his weird hat. Like, what's happening with him? I couldn't make heads or tails out of that guy. What's going on? I thought maybe he would be the Santa Claus. Like, wouldn't it be fun?

He kept going back to that Santa when she says, because this is, we talked about it a little bit, but the movie keeps giving us set-ups for magic, but then nothing. The wishes. He does three wishes with that Santa, none of which, when she says, I want that girl to have all of her dreams come true. I was like, okay, we're going to see that girl's dreams come true. Doesn't happen. Does it, though, because there was a moment where I thought that that girl on the bench

was the dark-haired girl that... Sugar Plum Ferry? Oh, the sugar... And Delta, Houston. Plum Ferry. Oh, I hope it is. So she got, like, popped into the movie. So that if that's the case, then yes, I hope that's...

Then I want it to be. I know, because that would be good. We want is not always what happens. Okay, well. And I will say that the last Santa time, he's like, well, you'll figure it out. Like he gives it. And I wrote F you, Santa. Absolutely.

If you are going to come in and interrupt me looking over a bridge and then you have no advice but to say, you'll figure it out. You'll figure it. Wait, how about the fact that she has twice wished with Santa? And then this third time, she wishes in a fountain with Santa there next to her. You know what I thought. I said to Paul. It's too many wishing. Too many wishes.

I said to Paul, oh, my gosh. She threw the bracelet away. Oh, that had been great. It would have been great. I thought she had, but no. I feel like there's a checklist for like all these like movies and this writer just took all of them instead of just like, yeah, like you take four and then right around the four. But she's like, I'll do the wishes, I'll do the sand, I'll do the dogs, I'll do the cooking.

But all of them only halfway. Yeah. Yeah. All of them only halfway. None of the, none of these component pieces are enough. Like the wishes needed to actually come true. Or the cooking needed to be seen and tasted and eaten and all of it. Well, it makes me realize that all of the homework movies we've seen with Melissa Joan Hart are really well done.

We've seen the best of them. Molly, I want to go to the crowd. I want to see what people are saying in the chat. Any comments that are happening? Anything that we could add to? I forgot that this. We've been going so hard. Has we misunderstood anything?

Are they correcting us? Absolutely. Well, and I wanted to point out, and people are obsessed with this bellhop. Would it surprise you to learn that he is the line producer of this movie? Not at all. No, it would have. He was not an actor. The other thing that we've been learning in the chat about the writer of this film,

who writes a lot of Elevator Christmas movies, she also created a romance streaming service called Passion Flicks with Elon Musk's sister. Whoa. And apparently we need to go down the rabbit hole of Passion Flicks because I think this is some gold. Wow. Passion Flicks. Wow. I don't need to be supporting the Musk's. No, I mean, yeah, well, you know, but the Musk's sister. We don't know what her politics are. We don't. You know, like, you're right. You're right. Interesting. Anything else

we missed before we get into second opinion. Everybody's talking about how beautiful Molly is. Oh, okay. Take that. Yeah. That's it. That's it. That's it. Sorry, I was I supposed to pay attention to other comments? And that's it. All right. Well, look, this is great and you know obviously we have an opinion about this movie there are people out there that have a different opinion so uh i checked in with the wolves of glendale

a hilarious band uh they're recording an album right now and they put together a song for us cool all when jason and june talk a lot about what makes a movie good or not but everyone knows they're actually full of she

we need a second opinion Someone that knows what they're talking about We need a second opinion We need a second Oh, give me a second We need a second opinion Yeah Fantastic

They're great Amazing Love the Wolves of Glendale They'll be at Sketchfest in San Francisco Later in the month At the Great American Music Hall They also have been doing this, like, Iron Chef Music Show, where they just released, they get, like, assigned a topic and they have to write a song about it. Oh, that's cool.

They did one for the Clippers. They did one for Shrek. It's been. Oh, that's right up your alley. What the Shrek? All right. So, Merry Christmas. There's only one review on Amazon.

Oh. One review on Amazon. And it's a five-star one. That's it. So we had to go to Letterbox as well. So I'm going to go back and forth between Letterbox and Amazon. and we'll start off with Splash Point. It says, what a surprise to see.

Three of Hallmark's star studs in this film. Though not the channel's hard hitters, these always bring a smile to my face. First, the very cute Ben Levine. He always brightens the screen. His star shines mid-movie as the story shifts. Side part. Okay.

Then there's the handsome David O'Donnell who commands a wonderful presence in his scenes when sporting a beer. That's Carlton. That's, yeah. Okay. That's Carlton. Yeah.

When sporting a beard, I often do not recognize him at first, but looking more closely, his eyes give him away. And then there's the... Hey, Mom, that's super quick cue. Where's he from? He's from Wellesley, Massachusetts. Super cool. That sounds about right.

And then there's a love interest, Brand Dardy, who offers the warmth that that Christmas rom-com needs. He's like the whipped cream, a top of cup of hot cocoa. But I still have questions. Is it Santa, the bellhop, or Mrs. Billings, who plays any magical role in the blooming relationship? Ten out of ten stars. So it ends with the question.

Her question about the magic did not hold her up. No, yeah, not at all. Intazomi wrote technically a bad movie by all measures, but it grows on you with rewatches. Don't just immediately turn it off when it comes on TV. Give it some time. Give it a shot. Certain audio parts, even the fiancé's dramatic action. accent or the store ladies over the top antics grew on me.

It went from a six, technically, to a nine star because they are, there are some grading parts, but I really like certain scenes. So I don't want it to be lost in all my nine stars. To avoid spoilers, I'll just say the bulk of the scenes worth watching and letting grow on you are at the beginning and at the end. Now, with all that being said, this really doesn't deserve a 10 star. Nevertheless, it's worthy of a rewatch or two when you catch it on TV or when you're in the mood for phrases and moments that get caught in your head and resurface from time of time 10 out of

10. When you're in the mood for phrases and moments that get caught in your head. Honestly, there was a phrase. The cousin who just loved Kim, she did say when she was really upset that Brand did not go after Kayla, she kept on saying she's miffed at him. Yeah. She's like, I'm really miffed right now. And I don't get mifts all the time, but I am miffed right now. And I was like, wow, I haven't heard mifted and ever. It's been a while. It's the hot chocolate of words. Yes.

It has now been normalized. You can say pissed on TV, but you can't say it on Homer. Right. I will say this, Jason. I'm pulling this one out for you because this is, I think it's Sir 341. The subject line is love in an elevator. Okay. Living it up while we're going down.

It says Christmas is filled with magic. And in this movie, the magic comes in the shape of an elevator. Rumor has it that when people meet. in the lift they will fall in love soppy soppy, gush, gush well, it's Christmas. What the? Jason, did you

write this? Did I write this in an active blackout? Soppy, softy, gush, gush, was this written last night? Oh my gosh, you know what? I wonder if there is soppy, saffy, saffy. Like if that's a real We start it. We saw it. I'm just saying

I think that is a thing. Oh, it's got to be. Yes, it is. Guys, we saw it tonight. No, no, it's demonstrated for sure. But, I mean, like, it is very, now we know the people that are, that love this kink are putting it into our Christmas movies. And are we comfortable with this sexy elevator play. Right. I would love it to be consensual is all I'm saying.

I understand. I would love for elevator play to be consensual. That's all I'm asking. Maybe that's a part of what the play is. Well, I guess now, I mean, in the UK. a lift play. Because I think a lot of it, too, like the jostling puts you on each other.

Yeah. You know, and the light's going out. We want that. But neither those things happen here. Well, in the clips, too, because we don't have it in this movie. In this movie, he gets stuck in the elevator alone. And he has his- He has an intercom system, though.

And you know how all elevators have an intercom system that drops into the lobby? And you know how you just talked to the elevator when you, when you're stuck in it, when you just talk to it? He was talking to the missile system. no one was talking to the elevator he says elevator he's talking to the elevator you screwed me you stopped me from meeting the girl of my dreams he's mad at the elevator which would lead me to believe that that is the magic of the movie yes that the elevator has orchestrated that he's stuck there and I would love it if everybody

knew that is this real or is this the elevator's magic Doris Roberts is like moving out and she's like you know I'll tell you this elevator is magic. Everybody comes here, falls up. Or you know what would have been awesome? Or you know what would have been awesome? Every time he meets Doris Roberts out of the elevator, she's rude to him and acts like she doesn't, she doesn't even know that it's happening. It's basically a horny elevator. Once you set foot in the elevator, all inhibitions are gone and you just experience love. And then in the outside world, you have to come to grips with who you are as a human being and find your way to the love that the elevator knows you already have. And the name of that,

movie is the elevator. Soft, sop, gush, gush. Soft magic. The elevator. Gush, gush. Get ready for some hard magic. Yes. Would you recommend this movie? Jason? I don't know. Here's the thing. Sort of.

I mean, sort of, yes. Absolutely for the thing. But if you're going to be watching a lot of us are putting on holiday movies in this season, I'm going to say absolutely put this in the mix. It's longer than it should be. So this is a great point, and I made this note. So do we, we all talk, so

often about how you clicked pause and how is there still 40 minutes left. How was there, okay, for the first time ever, the first time I paused to say, how long is this movie? How much more do I have? I was sub 10 minutes. I was eight and a half minutes into the movie before I was like, I think this has been an interminable amount of time. Am I almost done?

And I was like, oh, I've watched none of it so far. Wow, that's really heartbreaking. chilled me to the bone. I thought the movie was over and I saw 45 minutes left and I was like, wait, it didn't have moves. She breaks up with Carlton and gets out of this sadist relationship she's in. Very early on. Very early on, like 20 minutes in.

That's why it's so good. The pace of it is so confusing. And I would also say in these Hallmark movies that are so successful, there's an hour and a half buildup to just a kiss. Yeah, right. When we blow our load, five minutes, eight, minute mark of the movie, there's not a lot to live up to. I know.

Do you know what I'm saying? I don't know what I'm rooting for. You know what I mean? Like they seem to be obviously well matched. So just be together. There isn't anything incredibly difficult. There's no hurdles. No.

They put their hurdles up in front of each other. All they need to do is choose each other. And that's it. Well, if you remember some of the very powerful moments of dialogue in the movie when she says to him, did I cross a bound? And he goes, no, you didn't make one. Wow. That's like that.

Those are the hurdles. Those are the types of hurdles. If those are the hurdles, and think about it, in this movie, those are the hurdles, very real life. In the past, the hurdles have been like, this is a nutcracker that has been brought to life. This was a dog that has become a man. And now he's like, he's basically saying. Those are the hurdles that most people are dealing with.

movie are like you have intentions to be a writer and do all of this because your counter intentions are stronger and are overpowering what you really want and we never heard how the nutcracker went more subtle stuff we never heard of it we never saw the performance we never saw any of that nothing because i believe it ends the night before she says i'm flying out the night before she goes i'm not going to see the show it's too painful and then she says to the Uber driver, give me 10 minutes, and then she goes into the elevator. So that's the night before we're led to believe. Did the show went on?

I think so. Oh, I think Carlton, he lives for the theater. He knows. His name is above the title. He is the draw. Yeah, he is the draw. He's a choreographer, director, actor. He's one of the best.

We always make shirts here at the show. And I think that, you know, bitch, that's not Christmas is definitely one that we 100%. I feel like that's the way to go, but I do want to just pull out that we did remake the very first shirts we ever made here on the dough. This is a ridiculous cage, which the original people at Earwolf thought we were going to get sued by Nicholas Cage. And they told us that we had a cease and desist, which I don't think was real. That's a nice stocking stuff. This was also very much during his very litigious period.

So I think we did the right thing. Now, this is one that we also got in trouble for. This is a legitimate in trouble because it's a BB8. And it says, what is its mission? That's a June shirt. But there was wrong punctuation in it. And people got angry because there was an it. Oh, because there was no apostrophe.

I think that makes it cool. That's what I thought too. And I was like, isn't that cool? It's like a little collector's. And then someone said, I will not wear a shirt with bad grammar on it. I would love it if we had a button to unsubscribe people. You can't listen anymore. Great news.

Thank you so much. You are unsubscribed. So our Christmas gift to you is that you can go get these original shirts that have never been available since they were taken down and threatened legal action. You can get them now at RT Public Store. But let's go through what we put some plugs. My book is always a great Christmas gift. There it is. What a great stocking stuff.

It's right into a stocking. I'll personalize it, which I have to remind myself to go sign those books tomorrow. I'll do that. And it does feel like even just in recent episodes, you've told so many new stories. They're not even in there. Sequel. We need a book sequel. And, of course,

Dark Web every Monday on YouTube. You can watch it for free. If you're catching up, Rob and I, our studio burnt down. We're in the woods. Now we're in a hotel surrounded by strangers. And we have weird guests popping in. Jerry O'Connell came by.

John Gavris coming by. And then this Monday, Yasser Lester's, is in bed with us. But who else? We'll see by the image. Who's going to promote next? Oh, nice. Okay, so that date already passed. But you can actually purchase a ticket at the deep dive academy.com and rewatch this show that already happened tomorrow at 5 p.m.

Yeah. So similar to how people can watch this show tomorrow. Yes, but we're going to be in the chat. So we will be watching along with our audience tomorrow at 5 p.m. Pacific Standard. And if you can't make that, you can watch it anytime you want. But it'll be really fun in the chat. You guys are in the chat. You get it.

It's all happening in there. We'll go to you. Man on the Inside Season. to the fantastic Mike Schur show. I'm in season two. Yes. I'm in season two. The show is absolutely hilarious and absolutely heartbreaking

in turns and it's wonderful. Percy Jackson and the Olympians season two. People are loving it. People are the reviews today. They have an amazing billboard. Did you see the wave? So they built a billboard that is

splashing waves onto the side of it. Oh, great. It looks gorgeous. I'm all out. Simon Rich's play that I'll be doing on Broadway at the Niederlander Theater in the new year, get your tickets. I'm sure you can figure out.

You're hanging out next to Ben Schwartz and Craig Robinson there. Heidi Gardner, Sarah Silverman are in my cast. Craig Robinson. It's going to be a blast. And I'll just throw out Taskmaster Season 19 just because they're still up there. Why not?

And the art of small talk, guys. This is the time for holiday parties and learning how to small talk is so vital. We have an entire chapter dedicated just to that. Just to the holidays. Just to the holidays. How not to get stopped. You know, always have a destination.

I love this book. And the audio book is fantastic. Pop that audio book on during the holiday. Thank you. I want to shout out our amazing team, our producing team, Molly and Scott. The videos that they cut, the cameos that they reached out to. We want to thank everybody at Veeps. But more importantly, we want to thank our in-house staff right here.

Wes and Zoe helping us through our first ever in-person virtual streaming event. And thank you for all submitting your questions, being in the chat, for buying a ticket watching this. Thank you so much. We appreciate you so, so much. This is the best. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Merry, cow. Aww How did this can be