How Did This Get Made? - On the Line w/ Ike Barinholtz (HDTGM Matinee)

Episode Date: May 13, 2025

Ike Barinholtz (The Studio, The Mindy Project) helps the gang break down the 2001 Lance Bass & Joey Fatone comedy On The Line, aka a love story between a Turkey Sub and a Hubcap. What happens when boy banders try their hand at acting? Bizarre sound effects, terrible musical performances, and lots and lots of chewing noises. (Originally Released 05/15/2012) • Go to hdtgm.com for tour dates, merch, FAQs, and more• Have a Last Looks correction or omission? Call 619-PAULASK to leave us a voicemail!• Submit your Last Looks theme song to us here• Join the HDTGM conversation on Discord: discord.gg/hdtgm• Buy merch at howdidthisgetmade.dashery.com/• Order Paul’s book about his childhood: Joyful Recollections of Trauma• Shop our new hat collection at podswag.com• Paul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheer• Paul’s YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheer• Follow Paul on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer• Subscribe to Enter The Dark Web w/ Paul & Rob Huebel: youtube.com/@enterthedarkweb• Listen to Unspooled with Paul & Amy Nicholson: unspooledpodcast.com• Listen to The Deep Dive with June & Jessica St. Clair: thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcast• Instagram: @hdtgm, @paulscheer, & @junediane• Twitter: @hdtgm, @paulscheer, & msjunediane  • Jason is not on social media• Episode transcripts available at how-did-this-get-made.simplecast.com/episodesGet access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using the link: siriusxm.com/hdtgm

It's the NSYNC movie that no one asked for and no one wanted to see. We saw on the line, so you know what that means. Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to How Did This Get Made? I am joined, as always, by June and Jason. Hello to you both. Hi, Paul. What's going on? Jason is, of course, not in studio right now.

You're in New York. And so that equates for the, That's why I sound weird, guys. Yeah, because I'm like, you're in a toaster. We are joined today by a very funny... And by toaster, you mean a Cylon. Yeah, man. A frack. Oh, what the frack?

Frack that. What's a frack? Frack you. We are joined by the very funny Ike Barinholtz, who you might have seen on Matt TV or Eastbound and Down this season. He played the Russian pitcher. Welcome, Ike. Hey now, thank you for having me. Oh, we're very excited.

Now this is a movie that Ike, you recommended to us. Right. Well, I thought we were talking about it. You're like, guys, it's tough to find movies that we, you know, because we know people who make movies now and we don't want to offend anyone. I go, I think I know a movie that no one is involved with. Yeah. And this is, this movie, this movie on the line, just to give you an idea, was released in 2001. Yeah and this is this movie this movie on the line just to give you an idea was released in 2001 yeah it was an instinct movie with Joey

Fatone and Lance Bass and man it's kind of a romantic comedy right? I mean I'd say besides 9-eleven it's the worst thing to happen in 2001. This was released in 2001. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Oh wow. Okay, that changed his thing. I've heard a lot of people say that this movie is why they attacked us on 9-11. Well I heard that they were just trying to get the planes over here just to see it.

Yeah. Lance Bass is huge in Saudi Arabia. He's huge. Lance Bass, okay, so he plays a guy who, according to this movie, this is where I'm most confused He is he's a guy who is dating. Yeah, but he's just clams up when he finds the right girl Is that like every one of these characters is not really black and white. It's kind of all shades of gray. Yeah, very nebulous Yeah, no clear choices on any no like I mean I gotta, I gotta say, I always feel bad for the writer.

I always just imagine when the writer finds out who their lead's gonna be, you know, and the producer's like, so we got the lead. Say, primo romantic comedy actor, like Ben Stiller. Wow, this is great. No, no, no, it's not Ben Stiller. It's more of a song and dance man. Oh, great, this is real.

So now, do you think they added in the music stuff, like they had a version of the script that was just for, you know, your run of the mill, like regular romantic comedy actor. And then they were like, okay, we have Lance Bass, we have Joey Fatone. Yes, yes, yes. As a matter of fact, the original script was rated R,

and they had to knock it back for the in-sync audience. That's right, okay. So they wanted, they basically wanted something about Mary. Yes. So they wanted, right. But can I say something? This movie, even if it was R, I don't even understand where? The are is coming in because basically the whole there's no stakes in this movie. He meets a manual sure key

Her ease girlfriend from on yeah, by the way if you ever do a TV version of the show Yeah, we need to do like six hours on on to rock Season by season yes, okay, sorry I guess forever on the finale have to do that yeah, that'd be amazing a special Yeah, I'm an expert on on, sorry. I guess it's forever on the finale. We have to do that. That'd be amazing, a special version. Yeah, I'm an expert on entourage. I know everything about it. I'm obsessed. But basically the whole movie is he meets a girl

on the subway and then he's just trying to find her for the rest of the movie and there's like no... Well, it is a very confusing promise because the movie starts off in a flashback. Right, right. Seven years ago. We find out that basically everything that is important to this movie happened seven years ago.

Seven years ago. I love that. They said it a couple of times. They're singing Spend Doctors, like N'Sync's making fun of Spend Doctors. Yes. How dare you? I need, honestly, I genuinely need for somebody

in our audience to find out how many times Two Princes has been played in a movie. Whoa. I take the, I would say the over under at 18. Oh no, I'm going like 30s. Way more. Wow. Now this is a dumb question, but is NSYNC just comprised of, I don't know anything about

boy bands. Is that just Joey Fatone? No. No, didn't you watch the credits? Yeah, the credits have a little... Timberlake, you're right. Timberlake was in NSYNC. Yeah.

Timberlake, Chris Patrick. Chris Patrick. And J.C. Shazay. J.C. Shazay. Who is not in the movie. was in Insync. Yeah, Timberlake, Chris Patrick, and J.C. Chazee. Who is not in the movie. Not in the movie. Clearly there's a bone of contention. Yeah. So do you think they first went, cause by the way, they're not to jump ahead to the,

but the end credits is over a sketch that Justin Timberlake and who is that other guy? Chris Patrick. All right, and there's more life and energy in that sketch. Oh yes. And it's terrible. And it's also very awkward that Timberlake is playing a gay man to Lance, who yes since come out of the closet. Yes, very uncomfortable

It's a very over-the-top gay performance by By JT, but I like Chris Kirkpatrick's kind of a German guy Great Movie besides so you're saying that that you would rather have seen a two minute, what that two minute sketch was at the end, you would rather have seen a 90 minute. The feature length film. Well, I feel like they probably tried to get in sync

to play all of the boys in the movie. And Timberlake's like, no fucking way, I'll do the sketch at the end. Well, see, that's what I was curious about. Like, did it first, did the main part, the Lance Bass's part first go out to Timberlake? Without a doubt. Without a doubt, without a doubt.

No, no, see, you don't think so? I think Timberlake was supposed to play the, like, what's the skinny hip hop guy? And I think Chris Kirkpatrick was supposed to play the smart guy. Yes. So where does that leave Jaycee Shazay in all this? Al Green.

That's why he wasn't invited to the movie. Al Green. You know, it's funny, like, when we were talking about it, and I've seen this movie a bunch back in the day, and a couple days ago, I was like, I should watch this again, and I couldn't find it on Netflix or Amazon Instant. Amoeba didn't have it,

Barton DeNobel didn't have it, but the whole movie is posted on YouTube, and I think that's the way this movie's supposed to be seen. Yes, in five chapters. On a little window in eight chapters, and the great thing is, it was uploaded by a poster named Lance Bass fan page it says

Posted with the express permission of Lance Bass Just like clearly they were like at a premiere something and saw Lance Bass were like hey I love you can I post this on YouTube is yeah, whatever I don't know Can I post this whole movie that Lance Bass does not own hey there's not own a movie that is made by Whatever company was made by all right, so. Yeah the premise is pretty confusing though. So he's this guy who I guess has trouble, he does date and seems to have a pretty active love life. Yeah he's not a loser. He's not a loser. In fact he steals a girl in high school which we find out later from another. That was kind of, but that wasn't really, he didn't steal it she just kind of

jumped it. She just asked him. She used him. From that guy's point of view, it looks like he was a dick, because he gives him that smarmy look. Okay, but it does seem like he dates people. Yeah, he's a cool guy. He's out and about.

Yes, he's out and about. He's out and about. Well, they also set him up as a loser in work, where he's like in the, he's like in the mail room with Jerry Stiller. Yes. And by the way, they lay so much pipe in the beginning of this movie, like all these things,

like hey, you ever gonna tell me what that baseball means? Right, right. Hey, are we ever gonna get this job? Hey, Reebok is really up our ass on this account. I was like, how did Reebok get involved? By the way, most product placement ever in a movie. The McDonald's french fries in the aisle. McDonald's french fries.

That is, that's like Mac and me fucking so blatant. There's a Pepsi in there somewhere. A kid is literally holding it out like Holding the McDonald's thing out. It's like it's out like it's you can't you know one would hold it like that By the way, I found that scene very disturbing that kid is about seven years old and says he's telling Lance Bass and his Sidekick how to fuck chicks. Yeah, how to fuck chicks And then he takes his friend rise and walks walks over to an older woman in her. 30s.

Yeah, in her mid 30s. Offers her fries and then gives them a look, right guys? Well in the R-rated version, she blows him. That's why they cut it. That kid gets laid. That's disturbing. Also, that kid starts off the thing that I really wanna just call our attention to,

which is the sound effects for It's like this movie was scored by a fucking DJ morning man Tells a joke that doesn move, there's a fart sound. There's triple takes, like, whoa, whoa, whoa! A couple of record scratches, errr! A couple of those. When Joey Fatone turns his head at one time, he goes, wicka, wicka, wicka!

Like, it's like... Actually, no, Joey Fatone actually makes that noise when he turns his head. Also, there's that song that keeps playing intermittently that's like, yeah, baby, hey, baby, yeah, baby! I actually have a clip of that song. Just so you's like, yeah, baby, hey, baby. Oh, yeah. Yeah, baby. I actually have a clip of that song. Oh my god.

Just so you can hear, this underscores. The movie is barely creaks in at an hour and 20 minutes, and this movie plays under, I would say, an hour and 15. Here you go. That went pretty well. Give it. All right, so there you go. Give it! Alright so there you go, that is just a taste of the music that, and that plays all the

time. And loudly. Yeah, yeah. Once I couldn't hear the dialogue, it was so loud. Terrible sound mixing, terrible sound mixing. I mean I'm trying to think of like worse leading men for a movie. Like who's worse, like Paul Gasol? But see, here's the weird thing about the movie too though,

because in the beginning, that's seven years ago flashback, he's the lead singer of this band. Yes, the Spin Doctors band. Yes. The Spin Doctors band. And we find out later on that music means a whole lot to him. Oh, it's huge, that's why he works for Reebok. Yeah, he works for Reebok. Well, so much so that when he's on the subway,

he will start singing along and getting embarrassed. Not only does he start, he's listening to Al Green on his CD man or whatever it is, he gets so into the song that he stands up on a public subway and starts dancing kind of wildly. Yeah, and then he gives that sheepish, deer in the woods about to be murdered look, like, I'm sorry everyone.

And of course, who could resist that? But why isn't he in this band anymore? Well, I think after, I think what maybe they were going for is that after he, because remember in the beginning, not only does he choke, he faints. He fucking faints. Oh right, he faints. He faints. Oh yeah, you're right.

So maybe they had a meeting afterwards, and I think the band broke up, and the only one that held on to the fucking dream was Fatone. Fatone. Can we talk about Fatone for a second? It's good in a movie like this, if you got a lead like Lance Bass, who's not a pure comedy guy, you gotta get a comedy guy like Joey Fatone.

Wasn't he, he's UCB, right? Yeah, yeah. Was he on the special monso bon? Well, no, I think, well, Joey Fatone was actually first member of Human Giant. Right, right, right. But he was a Second City guy, I think. And these replaced him. Was he Second City? I. But he was a Second City guy, I think. And these were placed.

Was he Second City? I think he did Second City and UCB and IO. I gotta say, I thought for being a non-actor that Joey Fatone, it is controversial. I thought he did a fine job. I thought he did a fine job. I was gonna say the same thing. Thank you, Jason.

He actually seemed to be doing good. Well, I mean, I think he tried his his best but at the end of the day like I've been the fucking children's funerals that are funnier But I guess I guess from the fart noises were pretty good but you know what he was a relief from watching Lance Bass and like a But you know what he was a relief from watching Lance Bass and like a man ease girlfriend from entourage Yeah, yeah, yeah Because watching them was like watching the board like it was like being a producer on a reality show and just wading through the Boring footage of a reality show thing. How do we edit this like this? Between them it was like the chemistry between like a hubcap and a turkey. So it's like

Nothing there's nothing nice. Wait, who's who in that scenario? Because I wanna know, because I wanna know whether I was attracted to the Turkey Sub or the Hubcat. Definitely the Turkey Sub, I mean, yeah. Come on, man, come on. Joey Fatone has, by the record, a guess. Can we talk about the scene between the Turkey Sub and her roommate?

Oh my god, I was obsessed with that scene. So basically he's girlfriend. You just spent the weekend with your boyfriend of three years who you haven't seen in a month. Like it is like, the poor roommate has like 10 minutes of just solid exposition. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, well the turkey sub just kind of wistfully looks out the window.

Well like, by the way, she comes out, like, you know, so the turkey sub is visiting Chicago, and that's how they have this chance of direction. But she comes home. Which is a big reveal, by the way. I think he's going to see her again on the line. Which, yeah. On the line, on the subway line.

Turkey sub doesn't even live in the same town. It seems like this best friend is like the minute, like she's like, how's your boyfriend? Wasn't it great? And she's like, I met another guy. that she's like how's your boyfriend wasn't it great? And she's like I met another guy and she's like great. How is he? These friends are switching on a like like whoa whoa whoa you met another way we're in a relationship What's wrong with you you're acting like a fucking turkey sub Jesus yeah, that was a great scene turkey sub Jesus yeah that was a great scene my gosh well a huge part of this movie a huge part of this movie for me hinges on a couple of things one there

appears to be no such thing as the internet no you know 2001 right that it exists right or CD like you could you could totally by the way you could 100% post a craigslist misconnection at this point. You could try and internet look up this person. Like that would be possible, but it doesn't. Yeah, no. And that every single person only reads the newspaper, and the way they read it is by holding it up

completely in front of their face. And by the way, this local story is front page news every day on the Chicago newspaper. Right, I mean, meanwhile, like 15 people got shot to death on the west side, they don't mention that. And what was really weird is the first time it showed up in the paper, the picture they used of Lance Bass was his graduation photo from high school.

Right. Why, what would they do that for? I assumed it was because the other guy was the reporter who was spurned just because that was the only picture he could find of him. Who, by the way, I gotta say, it's one of the greatest introductions in cinema history where you see the antagonist and he's at his desk

playing Game Boy again. Oh yeah. 2001, too late for Game Boy. By the way, this movie I think takes place in the world where the Y2K happened. That's why they don't have the internet. That's right. That's why they have to drop the internet.

But he's playing fucking Tetris and for no reason, he just falls over. Yeah! He falls at him. I love artificial, fucking inorganic physical comedy. It's amazing. I can see them on set being like, we gotta fucking pump the scene on that. It's just flat. Just fall down.

What do you mean, you want to fall backwards? Why would I fall backwards? Just fucking do it I do want all right so when Lance bass or when the turkey sub in the hubcap get together I do want to just play a clip so you can hear the the chemistry and this is a Lance talking about baseball which I feel like he's never seen no no no so here take a look You're a cubs fan heck yeah born and raised all right all right So tell me tell me your best and worst Cubs moment. Best?

Whenever they win. Of course. Worst? Game five in the 84th playoff. The ground ball that went through Durham's legs. That is the worst moment of my life. I was so depressed, I didn't even go to school the next day. I cried.

Okay, most guys wouldn've lived with that. Yeah, I don't know why I just told you that. When he says, that was the worst moment of my life, that was my favorite line of the whole movie. So not passionate, this guy does not care about baseball. He doesn't even know what happened. I cried. Jesus.

And those two actors, neither of them have ever seen a baseball game. No. No idea. Cubs, that's football, right? That's football. Yeah. Yeah.

And then Lance asks her the question that every guy likes to ask a girl. What's something you only will tell a stranger? Yeah. Creepy. To which she replies. And of course, she says, I like making paper airplanes. And one other thing.

Shame. Shame on her. And my dad's a pilot. That's why she likes making paper airplanes. Right, that's why. Because her dad's a pilot. That's true. And what did she, be grave, she's like, I killed a man

in a hit and run one time. I just kept fucking driving. That's the worst And what did she... Be great, she's like, I killed a man in a hit and run one time. I just kept fucking driving. That's the worst secret to tell! What's the secret that you've never told a stranger? I make paper airplanes. What the fuck is that? And then after that, she walks him up to the subway platform and launches one of her paper planes from there

and then says that this is her favorite spot to do it. Her favorite spot, she doesn't live in Chicago. She doesn't live there. No. The relationship I was really curious about was between Hubcap and Jackie at work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jackie is Hubcap's nemesis. They're both working on the Reebok account,

which is, again, if you're keeping track, we've talked about McDonald's, Reebok, and also there's a mention of Pop Secret. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Are we to believe that Reebok, the company Reebok, is going to hire some tiny, rinky-dink ad agency in Chicago to do all of their advertising. Oh yeah, and when they show their ads to them, they're just gonna have like magazine cutouts

of girls' heads on like little doll dresses. Like yeah, that's our ads. That was their big, first of all, Dave Foley, who's in this movie, reveals, he goes, here's our vision of Reebok, and it looks like the worst computer graphics. It's like Reebok, the future. It's so poorly done. It's so poorly done. Also, he fucking, Hubcap is supposed to be good at his job, right? So he says to her one point, he goes, what about this?

And he holds up two Kush balls and goes, Reebok. Reebok. And she looks at him, she's like, you're a moron. And she's right. And that's the fucking worst bitch I've ever heard in my life. Well, also, this guy, Lance Bass, is in the mail room in the beginning. Yes.

And then Turkey Sandwich says to him, oh, did you work on that pop? Turkey sub. Oh, Turkey sub. Hey, Paul. It's a Turkey sub, not a sandwich. You're right. Sorry, I apologize.

Turkey sub says, oh, did you work on Pop Secret? He goes, oh, yeah, I wrote that jingle. Wait, you're working a fucking nail on your way. You're trying to push the copier with Jerry Stiller. What the fuck are you talking about? You're working on jingle. By the way, the copier metaphor, which runs throughout the whole movie is one and a more baffling.

That's supposed to be like the oil in There Will Be Blood. You know what I mean? It's a metaphor for everything. Jesus. Poor Jerry Stiller, he had no idea. He had no idea what he was doing in there. Yeah, so this whole movie is basically, they give you a little bit, but then they take it away.

It's like, you know, it's like, then Joey Fatone, is he a good singer? Is he not a good singer? Well, all I'll say is in the first 17 minutes, he has three songs. Yes. That's tonnage. Oh, that's too much Oh a little bit when he when he does a full cover of pour some sugar on me Literally pouring sugar on himself and then and then after fucking turkey hubcap tells him what happened He gets on stage and busts a parody version of every rose has its thorn

About thing. What is he Weird Al Yankovic? That just happened, it just happened. Well also, Joey Fedone also has that interesting ability to be like, do one song, alright guys, let's take a break. I'm gonna go hang out with my friends, chat with them for a bit, go back on stage and sing another song. Yeah.

He's just performing in a place where music can get a stop and start at any given moment. It's the world's worst bar. Oh my god. I love to about 24 minutes in when he kind of figures out what he's gonna do, you know? He's got a finder. Oh yeah, he's got a finder. And they start playing the titular song on the line.

It's the worst moment in cinema history. It's the fucking most unsinematic, horrible, terrible scene in a movie. I mean this movie is the most unsinomatic film at all. Pacing is not a thing in here. Montages are insane. Montages are crazy. And there's that scene where he walks through the hallway of his ad firm, and all of the secretaries are looking at him.

They play that scene about seven times and the one time one time he just Drops his papers and they all start laughing at him like he just only did was drop a couple papers Yeah, it's a harsh well also this whole working the whole place of work is constantly dictated by what's on the cover of the Chicago Times Like he's looking for love everyone's into him. He's he's a jerk Oh, everyone hates him like there there's so much, they really are feeding off this article. You would think these are the only people that would know him for him. They are just whatever the paper says they are in. Me too.

Oh my god. And we haven't even talked about his friends really, besides Joey Fatone. We have the astute guy who's always reading the paper. Right. And then super serious. He's like Dooky Houser's friend. Yes. And then G, his name is GQ. He played a character called Eric.

His name in Real Life is GQ? GQ. Oh no. Yeah, he plays a version of that character in Drumline, as well as a bunch of other movies. If you look at GQ's IMDB page, it says, GQ, as he likes to be called is a brilliant young actor writer and MC a product of shy Tilly He went to NYU's Tisch School of the Arts and worked in the experimental theater wing. It was there along with some classmates

He conceived the idea for the bomb. Oh, he was the bomb buddy of errors Well, he said he's from shy Tilly shy. Chi-Tilly. Does that mean Chicago? Yeah, I guess so. I'm gonna tell you something, Paul, I'm from Chicago, I lived there 18 years, I've never heard anyone say Chi-Tilly ever, never once ever, it's never happened, it's made up to her.

Jesus. Chi-Tilly. Bombardier Veras was awesome, though, wow. He created that? Yeah. Jesus. And the ad-raptation of the Comedy of Errors. Dude, I think he misspelled it, adaptation.

No, ad-raptation. But that does not work. Nope, nope, he's like, hey man, just chill out. Just go back to Shenzi. Chi-Tilly, just go back to Shenzi. Jesus Christ, I didn he misspelled it, adaptation. No, ad-rap-tation. But that doesn't work. Nope, nope. Hey man, just chill out. Let's go back to Shenzi. Just go back to Shenzi. Jesus Christ, I didn't know. I'm sorry.

Yeah, those friends are the worst. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And basically the friends decide they're going to, because all these girls are so in love now with Lance Bass because he's looking for his true love, all the guys are going to take out all the girls and fuck them, which they then do. Well, that's the major flaw of the whole movie though. All the guys are gonna take out all the girls and fuck them which they then do The whole movie though hang like all right so like these girls call him to say on the girl from the subway But yet he has to go out on dates with all of them. It's like no that's not the girl It's not the girl pick up the phone. Yeah, yeah, or show up be like I'm not her bye

Yeah, or just got in the phone be like yeah. Oh, yeah. No you're not her Or just cut in the phone and be like, oh yeah, no, you're not her. But you guys, the other major, major flaw is that these friends are concocting this whole plan. Once the girls show up, they've seen Lance Bassett, they've seen Hubcap's picture. Yeah, on the cover of the paper every day. They're gonna show up and not go over to his friends.

Why would they? And basically these guys are just fucking girls, like literally four times a night. That's what they allude to. They didn't beat the script that enough I think It's the biggest I love to the scene with the three bros and four bros playing baseball. Oh my god barbecue baseball Lance Lance bass throws a baseball. I mean the most amazing thing I've ever seen it's it's literally how I Imagine Rue McClanahan would throw a baseball right before she passed like I mean, it's so soft and

Her baseball throw kills also he is standing maybe four feet in front of Joey Fittone like yeah, it's so bad Oh my god, and then they and then they hit it And then they hit it right where their friend has set a beautiful table like Yeah, like what are you like What are you doing well and they literally go you're probably wondering why we asked you here to barbecue baseball I go well, I brought the meat The staging of this movie is so horrible the blocking that at this during this scene they're all standing in one line Director was done. He's just like four shot fucking stand there. Let's go keep moving and they look like they were freezing Yeah, coldest day like a March 5th in Chicago. It's like 32 degrees

I do want to just because I'm obsessed with it like these characters going back on what they've just established that they've done Which is Joey Fatone is in love with this character called the Mick played by Richie Sambora. They want the comedy guy again too. You want to get a big comedy guy like, uh, Sambora. Just hitting it out of the park. Ah, fucking bringing it. And so Sambora, like he's like, I love the Mick, I love the Mick, and he watches the Mick on TRL. He's like, oh, I hate this guy! I hate this guy! This guy's the worst! It's like, wait, you just launched over the couch to watch your favorite guy, and the guy says two words.

You're like, ah, this guy is, I hate him. And then at the end, he comes back in and goes, I love this guy. Do you think maybe he was just upset to see the Mick like in interview form? Selling out? Was he selling out? I don't think the Mick was selling out.

No, he was being the Mick. That's what the Mick does. The Mick talks about the Mick being the Mick. Fuck me. Wait, we haven't even talked about, this is before the Friends concocted this plan, GQ takes Hubcap to see Al Green in Conch. Oh yeah, you know that five minute Al Green scene really gives the film a nice sense of urgency.

Okay. You know what I mean? We're gonna literally show Al Green singing for five minutes. Yeah, is it crazy? Oh, and show Al Green singing. It is the worst lip sync of all time. I can't describe it to you because it's so utterly bad. It's like someone's playing a CD. He's not even near the microphone.

It is so off. He is so bad. That's what's weird about this movie. There are sounds added in, but then there are sounds taken away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like something very strange happened with the sound. It's almost like the sound mixer was holding them hostage. He's like, oh yeah, you gotta pay me,

otherwise you're losing the fucking Al Green track. Hey guys, you see the last couple of checks have bounced, so I'm not really gonna do this anymore. Did you notice though that at certain points, the camera would be on an actor and they'd say something and one of the words they would say would just be so Obviously dubbed over by another word, but not even bad words time. No, no, no curse word I love bad ADR in a movie

Yes me happy and every time you see the back of a character's head in this movie here like hey watch out get out Of the way like the worst fucking ADR and then they do it with their leads I don't get it But they do it their leads like it's like you're gonna get screwed and then be like you're gonna get in trouble like it's like I'm gonna kick your butt and it's like but clearly said ass like but like that's not really Dictating the difference between an R rated movie 13 I bet it's still I bet it was still for like teen tween girls I think it was still that it it was as sensitive as butt to ass, you know,

for the at age girls. If we're talking about tween girl, are you gonna talk about the scene with Al Green? No, go ahead. I was gonna say, maybe the most offensive scene in the movie is the protagonist or the antagonist's girlfriend, who's actually my friend Mandy.

She goes on a date with Joey Fatone and he tells his friends what happened the next day. Oh yeah. my friend Mandy, she goes on a date with Joey Fatone and he tells his friends what happened the next day. Oh yeah. I would love her to come on and talk about this movie. I mean, because, and her character, because it was so bad, I mean, she's having a hard time with the antagonist.

He's a dick, he's wrapped up in his work and he's consumed with jealousy over Hubcap. So much so that when she walks in from that date, she's severely injured. Her fucking face is bandaged. Her face is bandaged. And she's wearing a leg brace. Clearly she's been hit by a car or something. Something terrible has happened.

He doesn't even look up. He doesn't look up for a while. Then he does look up, continues to talk, looking at her, and doesn't notice. Right. And then at the end he goes, what happened happened to you and then they get out of the scene Yeah, and then joy fatone comes in the next morning and is no no wait a second wait a second wait a second He says what happened to you and she smiles She smiles like she's like I finally got fucked right yeah

With Joey for tonight, that's what I got out of it too. Like, she did some creepy shit with Joey Fatone. Right, that's what was so interesting about her character. So then Joey Fatone retells the story to his friends. Right, and they're like, what happened? And he basically tells her, he's like, I was doing my thing, which is like rocking out, I guess. Yeah, rocking out in his bedroom. Right, his big move is to kick the amp.

That's it, that's my big move. Like, it's not like, there's no ambiguity there. So, and his friends are like, uh-huh What happened and then he fucking kicks her in the face? Yeah, the amp doesn't the amp like fly at her Fucking face and she falls over and he goes I broke her nose and then I'll go Oh, they goes and her ankle. Ah, and then they start laughing and then he goes guys. It's not funny Yeah, and then they stop that and her ankle, ah! And then they start laughing. And then he goes, guys, it's not funny. Yeah. And then they stop.

That scene where Joey Fatone, GQ, and the smart guy are eating cereal, eating Frosted Flakes. Frosted Flakes, big box of Frosted Flakes, prominent. They are eating food so loudly, there is such loud wet mouth sounds. Disgusting. And that was overwhelming wetness of chewing. So loudly there is such loud wet mouth sounds Overwhelming wetness of chewing

They're talking about like getting laid I do want I do want to revisit the Al Green scene again, because it was a misconnection, because Turkey Sub was there, and so was Hubcat, but they missed each other. But Hubcat gets kicked out, because he doesn't have tickets. Doesn't have tickets. Now meanwhile, this Al Green concert is in a formal dining space. It's like 60 people.

It's like a supper club. Yeah. How did he even get there and get a table? He was seated. Front row, front row, front row. And by the way, why did they even? So this is obviously, they needed to get them in the same space together. So the writers fixed to that was to have GQ say

he had tickets to this thing, and then get him to go. But he doesn't know Turkey Sub's gonna be there. Like, I guess GQ also likes Al Green. Who doesn't love Al Green? My God, young men love Al Green. My dad, these guys. You could guess that they might be there because they talked about loving Al Green.

She said he's playing at that venue. In a normal movie, if I'm Hubcap, maybe that girl that I liked who said she loved Al Green and knew about that concert would be there. Well that's great, but then why would you have GQ be in the front row and then all of a sudden, yo I forgot my tickets yo, shy tizzy. What did he say? At the Supper Club, nobody checks your ticket at the door. You just walk in and sit down and start ordering drinks and a meal. Is he eating?

He's eating food or they're eating? Yeah, they're eating food. Ah, shit. And then a security guard comes over for no reason. No reason. By the way, why is Al Green doing dinner theater? Yeah, he plays out that big of stadiums and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the Reverend is playing out bigger. Oh, the Reverend. Oh my god. They're, so now the friends, they've fucked up. They started dating all these girls, having sex with all of them, and now they got a, they got a, you know, now Lance Bass has gotten some bad play, I guess, because... Yeah. ...the return of events, Turkey Sub finds out about this.

Well, Turkey Sub meets GQ. Yes. Yes, but even before that, I expected that the reveal of Turkey Sub finding out that this was all going on, because she's not in Chicago No, very much. But she makes it back to Chicago a lot. But then she says she's moving. She says she wants to do field work and her boyfriend Paul says Enough with the fossil hobby She says it's not a hobby

Take that. First of all, he looks like Like he looks like Tom Hanks at the end of Big when he turns back into a kid. He's a young kid wearing a business suit. He's like, the markets are up. Don't sell, don't sell. Right, right. His cell phone makes that. Futures, cattle futures.

Yeah, but I figured, okay, so the way they're going to reveal her finding out that she's been sort of detached from this whole thing and this crazy, like Chicago's taken by storm with this story, so it's going to be really interesting how she how she finds out no she just walks over to a newspaper stand right picks up a paper and reads it yeah that's it just real casual like yeah not excited calls the number and that's it she just calls the number she doesn't she doesn't exclaim she doesn't look surprised she's just like huh dials the phone, and GQ picks up and pretends to be Kevin, and she's like, totally fine, all right, let's meet up. You know, before that though, there's a great little scene

where Lance Bass, sorry, Hubcap answers the phone at his house, and we assume that it's Tricky Sub, he's like, hey, yeah, I'll meet you, I'll meet you. So he goes to dinner, and you see him waiting in the diner by himself, and then you see her walk into a diner, and they do like, fucking Silence silence of the lambs where you don't know what's happening And then it's just no it's the crazy girl. You know fucking level four at I'm proud Olympic in Chicago fucking got cast Do we mean I feel like I feel like we have a cosmic connection

bullshit My favorite part about that was at the end when Cosmic Connection and Hubcap, it goes wrong and she gets mad at him. She leaves, she storms out, but she first leaves money. She takes money out of her purse and puts it on the table. She's a considerate crazy person. As best as I can tell, she has not eaten, ordered, or drank anything. And Cosmic Connection also, isn't Cosmic Connection the same girl who who goes I don't need to take this I'm from Oregon. Yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, what God? I didn't I didn't notice she left money. Yes, she left money. Maybe that's one of her quirks The guys try to help him back help out Lance Bass And they make a sign that says has anyone seen this girl and it's the most crude drawing I got it is like a stick figure ahead. Yeah. Yeah, and they're going around going. Hey, have you seen this girl? Yeah, have you seen this girl? Figure head stick figure head and they're screaming at people. Oh, yeah People can't do anything to help you. No, I don't know Is GQ had her.

GQ had the girl. Such a bad friend. And he lets her get away. I love to. Sorry, not only does he let her get away, but when all the friends find out that he actually saw her, they say you have to tell Hubgap immediately. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He takes his time. He's in no rush. He is in no rush. He takes his shot. Oh, yeah. He's in no rush. He's in no rush. It goes to another baseball game. Right. Which by the way, of course the Chicago Cubs are such whores. You could shoot a fucking Bukhaki film.

They're like, yeah, sure, great, absolutely. When are you going to be here? You know you're fucked when the best line and the best line reading in your film comes from Sammy Sosa. Which I would love to play for you right now. It's... Basically, Sammy Sosa has had this problem where he keeps on hitting foul balls into GQ's nuts.

So... Can I just say that's never happened in the history of baseball? Never. Let him on three times in one season. Three times, and it looked like they were also, it looked like the foul ball, it didn't look like they were in an area

where that foul ball would come right into his nuts. And if that happened, he would be seriously impaired. He'd be in a contusion, he'd be in the hospital, fucking be sad. Let's listen to Sammy Sosa's line. The first line, there are two other Cubs I don't know the names of, and then the third one is Sammy Sosa.

Ooh, that's gotta hurt. Can't believe he's hit that guy three times this season. Damn, that's the third time this season I hit this guy. Ha ha! Best report was in the movie. Ha ha! I wonder if the line was they were like, maybe people aren't gonna understand Sammy,

so maybe we need people who don't speak with an accent to say the same line first. Just set it up, set the table a little bit. Jesus. It's impossible, by the way. That's completely impossible. You can't hit someone in the nuts. It's just it's out of.

Yeah, no, no. Oh, man. And nuts is a runner in this movie, too. He goes, oh, he just got hit in the. And somebody's like, would you like nuts in your Chinese food? That's literally the next scene. Just got hit in the, would you like

nuts in your Chinese food? I also got to see scene. Just got hit in the, would you like nuts in your Chinese food? I also got to see it again, but I feel like when he gets hit in the balls, there's a boing, boing, boing, boing. Oh yeah. Or something like a woo. I mean, there's a sheep sound effect at one point.

There is a sheep, I heard that. I heard that, I heard that. I'm sorry to go back to the injured girl in Joey Fatone. Yeah. Where did we lemon that? So she really got something out of that experience well Joy, but tell it also goes she got rocked Yeah, are we to understand that after he hit her and she felt she rolled back off that bed backwards another

Yeah on the ground no one has equilibrium in Chicago. They fucked after that I think you broke her nose and her ankle and then she went to the hospital She went to the hospital doctor says what happened broke my nose broke her ankle. And then she went to the hospital. Then she went to the hospital. The doctor says, what happened? Broke my nose, broke my ankle. When an hour ago, what were you doing in between? Fucking, why didn't you come here right away? By the way, Joey Fatone did not accompany her to the hospital, I don't believe he did.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold on, hold on. How did she meet Joey Fatone? Because she called the number. She called the number. Sorry, sorry, forgot, forgot. From the paper. There's a lot of information, guys, I'm sorry, forgot. Oh my God. Jesus.

She's a lot going on. Okay, do you think that they were gonna have, I mean, I won't cut's a lot of information guys, I'm sorry, I forgot. Oh my god. Jesus. She's a lot going on. Do you think that they were going to have, I mean, I won't cut to the end of the movie. I mean, there's stuff, everybody sort of has a happy ending at the end. Oh yeah, everything works out great. Except for us. Everything.

Yeah. But do you think that those characters ended up together? Mm. Oh yeah, they definitely did. They have that thing. Yeah, they have a little thing at the end. Remember, she comes in at the end, because when the Mick is there, and the Mick is saying,

like, I want you to do my new record? Yeah, and by the way, she's totally healed like a day or two broken noses. It's simple. It's a real quick fix the alright so the Basically the movie takes a really bold choice, which is the last 20 minutes could probably be condensed into five Yeah, two. I was yeah, it like, it's so many music montages, so many sad faces, like, they're just waiting through at this point. They're just like, we need to make this at least 120 minutes.

Well, we are given the twist that Jerry Stillers had a heart attack. Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Which was surprising. He actually had a heart attack because he found out he was doing this movie and he just fucking killed over.

Wait a minute, I'm sorry, was I really stoned or is there a scene where fucking Hubcap is break dancing in the office by himself? Yes, wearing ladies Reebok sneakers. And not only that, but after Hubcap gets so into it that he's on the ground, he's break dancing, then Jackie walks in, finds him there, and then he pretends to hide on the ground. Yeah kind of like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it kind of curls no ball a little bit

Yeah, yeah, as though like he's saying to her just like I'm not here I'm not here like this isn't Guys why is he putting on women's sneakers? So I can come up with the killer jingle. But meanwhile, they already came up with the jingle. They got it, they got it. They got it. Like in the beginning of the movie, it's like for girls on the move, Reebok.

And then he's constantly working on his ad campaign. Like what else is there to do? No, no, no, we got it, we got it, we got it, we got it. Let's talk about Reebok for a second because they originally don't really care about him and he's put on the team kind of by accident. Well, no, he's put on the team because he was in the paper and then Reebok. Right.

Dave Foley first is like, get on the team. I'm going to use him to my advantage. Yeah, and then the newspaper was like, get on the team. Then they saw the newspaper, like, get on the team. But then the newspaper turned against them. But why would they want him on the team because he's posting this misconnection? I wasn't quite sure how that logic worked. God, I don't know. Maybe because it's just he's like a celebrity now.

Right? So they want him. He's a celebrity, so they want him on his advertising. Do they know he was the guy? Did they know the guy in the paper was the guy that was on their ad team? Yes. Reebok does. That's why when the paper turned against him, they were like, we want him off the ad team.

We've changed our mind officially here at Reebok. Oh, wait a second. Here's a big hole Reebok thought that it was Jackie's idea Yes, yeah She stole his idea yeah, all right, so we are we are nearing the end of this movie here, holy Yeah, we got to wrap this up. This is insane Delivers a couple sports monologues. How did you get that? Because in the beginning of the movie, he goes, how did you get that baseball? And he's like, I'm not going to tell you. And then at the end.

Well, he had a life-changing experience. He wants to get it all out before he's gone. I mean, I get it. It makes sense. By the way, for a man who had a heart attack, he's totally fine. He's almost in a nursing home. Yeah. He's in a beautiful arboretum in a wheelchair.

They actually shot that scene on the King of Queens set. They were like, listen, you're going to lose Stiller. You got to go to him. Shoot the Queens set. They were like, listen, you're going to lose, Stiller. You got to go to him. Shoot the scene there. Go, go, go. One of my favorite exchanges is at the end, when all the bros come back together at the bar.

One of the guys in the GQ says to him, you look good. Lance Bass goes, I feel good. And the smart guy goes, you look good. Like a virtual improv. Listen, it's been established. I feel good and the smart guy goes you look good Didn't trust that all the lines would be heard again. There's something happening with the sound sound guys on the set They just want to get all the lines So this movie was made for you anyone take a guess how much this movie was made for I will say 12 million dollars dude yeah I'm gonna say like maybe eight Jason 20 20 16 million bucks and it made a whopping 4.3 just keep the money 4.3 a lot of wow money that didn't go on the screen There's no hair and makeup department

Doesn't have hair and makeup for the first quarter of the movie. Yeah, but hubcap does Oh my gosh, I love to in Sam Boran him show up at the end. It's like it's like in heat I love too when Sam Borah and him show up at the end. It's like in heat when Sino and De Niro have that scene. Finally, these two screen legends are sharing the screen. I also loved in that scene, everybody's found someone by the end and the smart guy at the bar turns around, he's listening to music, we're having a happy ending

and there's a girl holding an art book who I guess we're supposed to understand is smart Yeah, yeah, and that they'll end up together Yeah, so the way this market bar at night and holding an art book like a coffee table It's coffee. Oh, but by the way this smart This is like a real movie the smart guy would not want any part of the dating and he would be like no no I want to find love realistic right, he's out there fucking girls just as much as all the other three guys. Righty and the board.

Like, yeah, so it's not like a big deal that he found love because he even says like, oh, last night was awesome. Like, he's like, he's into it. The weird thing too about their plan is like, they seem to be meeting girls like every 15 minutes. Oh yeah. So is it about fucking them?

Because they're meeting so, like, I don't know. June, June, you just don't get what it is to be a guy. I guess not. I guess not. In the R-rated version, they show them all fucking. It's all, like, mean, interesting. It's like all the scene in Wedding Crash, it's just naked girls on the bed.

Naked girls. Clearly we did not like this movie, but there are people who really did, and this is now time for a second opinion. These are reviews culled from Amazon.com. There's a couple of them this time because they were so great. I had to pull more than usual. This is a great one. This is written by Kerry Giltfeather and this is written in 2001. That's not a real name. No one has that name. This is written by Kerry Giltfeather, and this is written in 2001. That's not a real name.

No one has that name. This is written by Kerry Giltfeather. A real feel-good movie when America needed it most. Oh, wow. How dare you? Wow, wow. I'm offended by that. Horrible.

Yeah, that's rough. Then this is definitely a fake name. Tyresa Darksaber says. Darksaber? Darksaber. These are not real names. They've got a better fake name than that. Darksaber? Darksaber. Come on. These are not real names.

Better fake name than that. Darksaber? Darksaber. What I love about that is I feel like people, even though these are positive reviews, nobody's willing to put themselves out there. Wrong! These are five star reviews. He goes, this is a clean movie.

Of course there might be some language, but it was totally void of any long petting scenes. That's Teresa Darksaber. Teresa Darksaber. Isn't she on Game of Thrones? Now, there's another one. These are written just by the blank names. I was very impressed with Joey and Lance's performance. There are better actors in these guys, but just imagine this movie with other people and you'll be fine.

Ha ha ha! Wait. Ah! It's not my responsibility. That's a slam. That's a slam. That's not a good review. I gave him a five star review.

If you don't like these guys, just imagine better people do the bar. Look, there are better actors. I'm not going to lie. But if you imagine those better actors doing it, it's great. It also says here, it could have been better with 15 or 20 minutes chopped off. It dragged on too long.

With 15 or 20 minutes, the movie's barely an hour. It's 58 minutes. It could have been a good half hour sitcom. And this is my favorite one, just because of the math of it. This is from Melissa Wilkins. For all the people who think it bombed, please keep in mind it was only in a thousand theaters. And when compared to the big pictures that show in more than 90,000 theaters, they would

have actually placed fourth for first week numbers. Not bad for a couple of boy band guys, huh? Thanks Lance for the great wholesome movie that we are so lacking. You don't have to be 14. I'm 35 The heartbreak No movie is released on 90,000. There's not 90,000 screens ever. There aren't 90,000 screens in America. Yeah, no, and the world wide, I don't even know there's 90,000 screens.

Basically in America, like the most is like 3,400. I think it's 3,700, I think. 37. Let's get specific. So 90,000, yeah. If it was released in 90,000 theaters. There might be 90,000 TV screens. Have I got movie screens?

I don't know. So that is a second figure. I also love that at the very end when the Chicago Tribune... I'm sorry guys, it's the Chicago Daily Post. I'm so sorry, the Chicago Daily Post. We had a great article. Fire! The Chicago Daily Post reports on this happy ending and publishes on the front page the

worst picture of Turkey's 7 Upcats. Oh yeah. Did anybody see that? Her eyes are closed. Publishes in the front page the worst picture of turkey sub and hubcap. Oh, yeah Running out of money at that point They just fucking whatever use any just put two makeup stills together fucking fuck it by the way the end of this movie the coverage On this event is like the space shuttle launch. It's like there's so many cameras everyone's gathered around their TVs Everyone's watching civilians on the L platform. I'm, I'm not going to work today. Fuck my family. I'm gonna watch fucking Turkey Sub and fucking Hubcap Shake Hands. And then, of course, like we said, that just that great character driven little tag at the end with Timberlake.

Timberlake, they actually was the best part of the movie. They they stopped the end of the movie. It's almost they didn't even trust it to be in the end credits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Al Green starts singing again. Al Green comes up and he's singing. They cut that off immediately. And they go, behind the scenes. And it wasn't really behind the scenes.

I've never seen that before. And it was just JT. But you get why JT. JT went on to a lot of bigger movies than this. He has more charisma than every single person in that movie combined. Oh yeah. Yeah, he's a movie star.

Lance Bass, I guess, what else did he do after this? I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry. Well he's now one of the biggest actors in America, isn't he? You're thinking of Ben Stiller, Jason. Oh, my bad. But like in Chuck and Larry, I think it was just like a literally one-off gay joke where Sandler's like,

yeah, look, there's Lance Bass, he's a gay guy like me. You know, like, it this way it's best. He's gay guy like me you know It wasn't a big part well joy for tone. I know recently was on Fucking like celebrity cook-off, and he brought as much energy to that as he did this movie He looks like a guy I really do seems like probably like the nicest guy in the world. He tries really hard Yeah, he was also something. He was also in Jersey Shore Shark Attack. Oh, that's right. Mankation, Incubus, and Karaoke Battle USA, the Kentucky Derby, Imagination.

I genuinely hope you're looking these up and not reciting these from memory. What was the one I was upside? Beethoven's Big Break, the dog movie Beethoven. So wait, that year, like two years ago, the Oscars, it was No Country for Old Men, There Will Be Blood, Jersey Shore, Shark Attack. What were the other ones?

I think it was a dual year. It wasn't Mankation nominated. Mankation might have been there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I forgot that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my god. So that is this movie. Did we miss anything that anyone wants to chat about?

Oh god. Just strange that one of the big plot points is that they have this crazy connection because they can both Recite every president in order a huge Part of their story their love that they know the president Tell me a secret you've never told Stranger that's that's

Still the best. Oh my god. Guys, we have t-shirts. They're awesome. They're brand new. They're Crank2 inspired. Jason Oda made them for us and they're amazing. Our new guy pulling our clips. Dave Steffi, thank you for pulling our clips on the line.

Didn't mean to make you watch it. Would you guys recommend people seeing this movie? I think I would. I think it's a fun movie. I think it's a fun movie to watch. Clearly, Tracy Lightsaber thinks it's good. Teresa Darksaber. Teresa Darksaber thinks it's good family fun.

It's a movie to watch if you're an eight-year-old girl who's had some head trauma. And if you have YouTube, you can watch it in eight easy installments. Oh yeah, just go to Lance Bass fan page. Remember, it is posted with the express permission of Lance Bass. You can follow us on Twitter I am at Paul Scheer at Miss June Diane at Ike Barinholtz there you go I'm not on Twitter guys I'm not on Twitter not on 2012 man you gotta get on there

but and Jason you have a big movie coming out this week the dictator yes coming out everybody go next Wednesday the 16th please go and see see the dictator. It's gonna be awesome. Alright well that is all. Thank you Ike so much for being here. Thank you. You're awesome. Love the show, love the podcast. This is amazing. You have to come back. Alright thanks so much. That's it. Bye bye. Bye.